479: Hillock Haunting

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And no one received a year, eh? Because also

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Speaker 3 The candles were actually a cover. They're like, oh, we'll just say it's white candle wax.
Yeah,

Speaker 3 come everywhere.

Speaker 3 Yes, that is what I was saying.

Speaker 3 Do you mean come?

Speaker 3 Yes, I meant

Speaker 3 ejaculate. Yes.

Speaker 3 Come was the thing.

Speaker 3 You're welcome.

Speaker 4 Opening argument.

Speaker 4 God-awful

Speaker 3 movie. Movie movies.

Speaker 3 Welcome back to God-Awful Movies, where each week we watch another terrible movie so you don't have to. I'm your host, Heath Enright, and I'm joined by the Eli Bosnick.

Speaker 3 Eli, Eli, how's it going, buddy?

Speaker 4 Wright Family Horror-thon. Let's do this, baby.

Speaker 3 Sure is. Very exciting.
And we also have two all-star veterans, Lydia and Thomas of the Where There's Woke podcast, among many other things. Lydia, Thomas.
Welcome back.

Speaker 3 Opening arguments is the name of the other podcast that people still don't know that I have back. I have opening arguments myself.
It's all me now. I have it.

Speaker 4 It's all the Tito.

Speaker 3 It's been gaveled.

Speaker 3 Every day I'll see someone being like, oh, what? What's happening with that? Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Because you guys censor me every time I come on here.

Speaker 3 I'm going to shout opening arguments throughout this thing.

Speaker 3 What are you doing today?

Speaker 4 It's your new catchphrase.

Speaker 3 Opening arguments.

Speaker 4 Just working in subtly, like those branding things people try to do on TikTok.

Speaker 3 It was like when I was listening to that podcast, what was it? Opening arguments the other day. And I was haunted by a spirit.
Anyway, this movie. All right.
Yeah. This movie.
Let's do it. Lydia.

Speaker 3 what movie are we going to be breaking down today? Oh, my God. This is my first Wright family film, folks.
I never want to do this ever again. This is

Speaker 3 2024's brand new, hot off the presses, Hillock haunting. And it's so bad.
And yeah.

Speaker 3 I'm going to leave no. Yeah.
This is a prolific filmmaking family. It really is.
They make like four or five movies a year. You couldn't tell.

Speaker 4 They're the coppolas of the Christian movie world.

Speaker 3 I've always said that about them because their movies are bad.

Speaker 3 All right. And Thomas, as I understand it, this would be your first experience with the Wright family films as well.

Speaker 3 How did you enjoy your entree into their body of work? It's hard to believe because I think you're right, but I also, in a way, I feel like I've always known them. You know, like it's just one.

Speaker 3 I had no idea that the singer from Metallica and Miley Cyrus got cloned way too many times. And then someone also dropped some meth into the cloning machine while I was cloning.

Speaker 3 And then like five clones down, the resulting, I guess you could call them people, started making home movies together with the, I guess you could call them children that they spawned.

Speaker 3 And I didn't know any of this existed, but now I love it.

Speaker 3 I enjoyed this so much. It's this one to watch.

Speaker 3 Had, yes, genuine laugh out loud moments. And I don't want to spoil.
Like there's something that Lydia and I have been laughing at all day. Like we just keep saying it.
It's so good.

Speaker 3 I fucking love this movie. It's like if NPCs from a PlayStation 1 game made a movie.
Made a movie together. The whole dialogue is literally NPCs from PlayStation, maybe two.
I'll give them two.

Speaker 3 They're all just walking into the same bench and not moving.

Speaker 3 Yeah, slipping in and out of walls and then being like, I enjoy reading. I'm going to go to the room now and read.

Speaker 4 It's like when you play a point-and-click adventure and they repeat the same thing over and over again to let you know, like, okay, you've talked to that character enough times.

Speaker 4 All of those characters got to that point, and then they made a movie

Speaker 3 amazing.

Speaker 4 Let me know when you find my wife's necklace, right?

Speaker 3 But they just all I laughed out loud in the very first scene by myself.

Speaker 3 That's great.

Speaker 4 Five Clones Down is the name of my three doors down cover band

Speaker 3 we're playing this Thursday at the JCC.

Speaker 3 All right, Eli, elaborate a little bit more. How bad was this movie?

Speaker 4 Well, if you love your favorite Christian horror movie, Dynasty the Rights, but you wish their movies were interrupted by all the cute animal videos I texted,

Speaker 3 you will love this movie. This is also my best worst.

Speaker 4 It's fucking incredible.

Speaker 3 We'll talk about it.

Speaker 3 All right. Is there anything y'all would like to nominate this movie for being the best at being the worst at? I'll jump in.
Best, worst, pro-donkey propaganda.

Speaker 3 Yeah. There's this interesting pro-donkey, like,

Speaker 3 I think one of the kids is like, people don't talk enough about donkeys and how great they are. And their magic.

Speaker 3 And she tries to like, yeah, first off, they've written in some spiritual donkey magic that we'll get to. But also, there's just like general, like, good donkey facts in there.

Speaker 3 Did you know that donkeys are, and you're just like, what? Is this an advertisement for donkeys? So, yeah.

Speaker 3 Kind of. I can share that information later.

Speaker 4 One of the right girls definitely has the tism, is risen them with the tism, but isn't a horse girl because they can't afford to be a horse girl. So she's a donkey girl instead.

Speaker 3 They got the Kirkland signature horses, which is. Exactly.
That's exactly right.

Speaker 3 I think this is the best, worst Zillow listing. It is so clear.

Speaker 3 They are are trying to set up to sell their farm someday and they're just giving us this ridiculous tour around the entire time and it's really bad. Yeah.

Speaker 3 It seems like they got this shitty farm in real life and wrote the movie around it so they could like use it and write off something or whatever. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Well, there's very little movie besides the farm. So that's pretty easy to do.
Yeah. All right.
I'm going to go with best worst.

Speaker 3 Fuck it. Just cut the audio.

Speaker 3 There's like nine moments in this movie where they're just like, yeah, we're not using audio. It's expensive.
We'll save the money on the MP3 file or whatever. I don't know.

Speaker 3 It's just out completely for no reason. Buckle up, everyone.
I was going to say.

Speaker 3 Oh,

Speaker 3 as I understand it, y'all figured something out.

Speaker 3 As I experienced it, it was just like something.

Speaker 3 horrible happened in their recording and they were like, we have to cut, whatever that was.

Speaker 4 Podcast listener, what you're about to hear is so reflective of the four human beings on this podcast. It is

Speaker 4 chef's kiss delicious. Thomas, please.

Speaker 3 Okay, so what did you figure out? You don't even know.

Speaker 3 So I started watching this movie before Thomas, and I was like, all right, I'm going to be prepared. And I think I saw that it was on Amazon Prime.

Speaker 3 And so I was like, all right, I'm going to go to Amazon Prime. And I paid $3 to rent this movie.
I get the most cursed text.

Speaker 3 Just rent, because I was busy and she started early. I get a text that's like, don't hate me.

Speaker 3 There's always a good start in a marriage. Okay, don't forget me.
The right family's getting extra cheese on the pizza one night, thanks to Lydia. She's like,

Speaker 3 I accidentally gave these people money. I was fucking Jesus.
What? And, but here's the thing. This turned out to be amazing.

Speaker 3 It was the best $3 we've ever spent because then we were watching it on Amazon because we started to watch it on YouTube and the audio problem you talked about happened. We're like, what the fuck?

Speaker 3 We thought it was us. We're like, did the TV, I don't know.
I knew it wasn't us because I had already watched that part at at the very beginning. And I was like, there's supposed to be sound here.

Speaker 3 I know what the kinds of movies you guys watch, it's not always clear when the sound cuts out. Sure, totally.
I think like seventh or eighth one, I was like, oh, is this an artistic choice?

Speaker 3 Yeah. Most normal movies, if the sound just cuts out and it's not a war scene where a grenade went off nearby, you know that something fucked up with the speakers.

Speaker 3 With the Wright Family Films, you're like, this could just be the film. Like, it might just be the same.

Speaker 4 They were walking out of sound of metal.

Speaker 3 and she was like i'm doing that i'm doing the sound and so we switch over to amazon and it's like oh the sound is all there not only is the sound all there in amazon they actually worked on i think somebody in that brood of weird clones did the closed captioning the subtitles and so the subtitles is actually great it's not auto generated like it is in youtube yeah so there i have we have a bunch of little tidbits of the best subtitles ever so they they go off script a lot there's there are a lot of uh improvised moments.

Speaker 3 Did you watch Amazon too? No, I watched

Speaker 3 but I put on the closed captioning and it was clearly the script they put in. No, they're auto-generated.
It only has auto-generated ones. Well, it was auto-generating incorrectly a lot on YouTube.

Speaker 3 Yes. Yes.
This, I believe.

Speaker 4 See, and again, this is why this is reflective of everyone on the podcast is that Thomas and Lydia were like, well, the audio's gone out.

Speaker 4 Let us go to our alternative source to make sure we capture every moment. Darling, are you taking enough notes? Oh, darling, don't worry.

Speaker 3 I've taken enough notes.

Speaker 4 So I also hired a transcript.

Speaker 3 And me and he were like,

Speaker 3 well, the sound's broken.

Speaker 3 I bet what they're saying is simple dope. Oh, look, the video's broken or I turned it off.
I don't know. Oh, nope.
My power went out. I guess I can't do the rest of this.

Speaker 3 Probably a demon. They control electricity.

Speaker 3 All right. Eli, do you have a best worst?

Speaker 4 Yes, before we get into it, and I teased this at the beginning, I'm going to go with best worst foreboding imagery.

Speaker 4 Again, I just have to be clear that the transitions between every scene are the adorable animals that live on this farm, including a sassy sheep.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Very sassy.

Speaker 4 There's a sheep, and I'm going to say something brave from my heart, who's Jewish.

Speaker 3 He's Jewish. Interesting.

Speaker 4 Those acting chops come from a member of the tribe.

Speaker 3 I'm sorry.

Speaker 3 There's no way a joy

Speaker 4 looks at the camera the way this sheep looks at the camera.

Speaker 3 Yeah, and the disdain from the animals for the family every single one is strong every single animal in this movie hates the rights the right family is aware they're in a movie and speaks english and is like this movie is bad i'm a goat the sheep had a real gym from the office energy of

Speaker 3 looking into the camera being like can you believe these weird meth clones i don't be on a podcast about bad movies i could tell yeah i'm a goat yeah All right.

Speaker 3 Well, it sounds like the Smiths have figured out the movie and we might learn more about it as we go.

Speaker 3 Fantastic. But first, we're going to take a quick break, and then we'll be back to tell you all about Hillick Haunting.

Speaker 4 Hey, David, did you see the video I sent you Pickles the Donkey and an Ice Cream Sunday?

Speaker 3 I don't know. Where did you send it? Instagram.
I haven't been on Instagram today, actually.

Speaker 3 Oh, really?

Speaker 3 You haven't checked Instagram? No, I haven't checked Instagram. Well,

Speaker 4 did you get a chance to look at at my new movie script?

Speaker 3 Yeah, I did.

Speaker 3 Can I say? Yep.

Speaker 3 I can't help but notice that you've used literally every transition in the film to insert every video of the donkeys and horses that I haven't watched over the last two years.

Speaker 4 Oh, yeah, I guess I have, haven't I? Well, guess you better get watching. Got a movie to make.

Speaker 3 Movie, right.

Speaker 3 See that, Heath? You're like David Wright. He sends like a thousand a day.
It's too many.

Speaker 3 to possibly keep up with. I do like those things.

Speaker 3 It's still too many.

Speaker 4 This show was sponsored by BetterHelp.

Speaker 3 And then you bake the whole pumpkin. Your stove fits a whole pumpkin? Well, yeah, you got to take the racks out, but yeah.

Speaker 3 Right.

Speaker 4 It's not your fault, Thomas.

Speaker 3 You have to stop. Heath, a little help.
Oh, yeah. Okay.
Is he telling you it's not your fault like over and over again? Yeah. Why?

Speaker 3 Yeah, so he's made some kind of like self-discovery through therapy, and now he's doing this all the time.

Speaker 4 Really think about your mother, Thomas. Okay.

Speaker 3 It's not your fault. Okay.
How do we make it stop? I really don't know. I'm not sure.

Speaker 3 I keep telling him that if you want to improve your mental health, therapy with a licensed mental health professional is definitely the way to do it.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but who can find a decent therapist these days? Actually, if you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try.

Speaker 3 It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule.

Speaker 3 Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge.

Speaker 4 Oh, oh, paint a picture of your father and then burn it. Nope.

Speaker 3 Nope. Not going to do that.
But that BetterHelp thing sounds good, Heath. Where do I sign up? Take off the mask with BetterHelp.
Visit betterhelp.com/slash awful today to get 10% off your first month.

Speaker 3 That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash awful. All right, thanks.
Yeah. Sorry, I can't make Eli stop, though.

Speaker 3 It's okay. This is basically just dear old dad's.
Read the journals.

Speaker 3 I mean, you should read the journals, though. Okay.

Speaker 3 What are you afraid of?

Speaker 3 And we're back. And we're going to start this one off by setting the scary mood with ominous

Speaker 3 alfalfa and a sheep that is very bored with the movie already. We got Eli's best worst already happening.

Speaker 4 Already out there.

Speaker 3 Can you believe this movie

Speaker 4 not for me but if you're enjoying it how good for you

Speaker 3 yeah and it started with the uh seven and up and maybe this was just an amazon thing but uh seven plus is the rating plus all my favorite horror movies are seven and up hey six and seven year olds clear out the big kids are gonna watch some sheep horror i need someone who can read fluently you hear me fluently all right eight year olds and up let's watch this scary film

Speaker 4 is my bright six-year-old ready for this film absolutely not

Speaker 4 what kids approaching tweenage only

Speaker 3 i also hate that hans zimmer whoever invented like the formula for music that anyone can do now you know so like even these weird meth clones can just do somehow music that actually sounds more intense than music from like 30 years ago, you know?

Speaker 3 Yes.

Speaker 4 But someone just made a formula.

Speaker 3 Now, they shouldn't have access to it is what I'm saying. Like Like, they shouldn't.
Yeah. We need some gatekeeping on art, is what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 And they do their first misuse of it here because they do the pop scare music without a pop scare. Yeah.
Yeah. Right.
It does the like brother, but then it's like a

Speaker 4 I mean, I was just doing Jaws media, what I'm saying, right? And they do that, but nothing's happening. We're just watching the sheep.

Speaker 3 It's just a spider web. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 The sheep's like, are they doing the pop scare music?

Speaker 3 Yeah. This movie would have been so much better if it took like the babe approach and like you could actually hear the animals' thoughts during all of it.
Like they're talking as, oh my God.

Speaker 4 Look who's talking for.

Speaker 3 They would have been roasting the movie the whole time. It would have been amazing.
The movie is so good.

Speaker 3 My new theory of the film is that the insane people who made this actually can or they think they can hear the animals talking. And so to them, that's part of the movie.
That's part of the movie.

Speaker 3 And they're like, this is great. I love this scene with the donkeys

Speaker 3 and everyone else is like, you're just showing donkeys. No, there's great dialogue in there.
Well, here's what I'll say.

Speaker 4 All right.

Speaker 3 I know two things things in my heart that are true.

Speaker 4 One, I love my child. Two, the rights would sell us the rights to this film so that we could make the Hillicon thing in parentheses with all the thoughts of the end.

Speaker 4 Sort of our own look who's talking mystery science theater version of the movie.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Yeah.
All right. I would come back for that.

Speaker 3 I'm sure I'll write about the mismatching of this first scene because this was supposed to be the scary opening where, like, I guess a death happened. You can't even tell.

Speaker 3 But what happened was it's almost like someone pulled the the lever on a slot machine of like music fast film stuff

Speaker 3 animals and they never matched up like pop scare oh but it didn't match with the fucking other thing that was supposed to be yeah and it was just this like they did the speed film to make the ghost seem scary but then they accidentally also did it on the dude who was like grabbing some like animal food and that didn't make sense it's just a mess yeah horror movies written by people who have only seen the trailers for horror movies before the christian films they watch.

Speaker 4 Yeah. Yeah.
So now we get the credits. Little Ashley Wright-Hayes film.
We know that this is an Ashley Wright joint. I wrote my notes.
That's right, you lucky motherfucker. She's done, done it again.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Also, we see the murder for a second right before the Ashley Wright-Hayes film thing. I guess we do.
Yeah, sure.

Speaker 3 We see like a crazy old lady like sprint into the barn, like the ring.

Speaker 3 the guy

Speaker 3 wasn't sure if it was like a kid or an old lady because the camera work was so bad. Like I couldn't tell what was happening at all.
And then you just see boots like thud on the ground.

Speaker 3 And we find out it's a ghost later. She didn't look like a ghost.
She was just like a lady. Just crazy.
So for all we know, some old lady, yeah, just killed a guy. We don't know.

Speaker 4 And when we later see the ghost, it's going to be a dolphin. So it's very confusing as to why.
Yes, but

Speaker 3 this is when I started laughing, though, when the run happens because the run goes so badly. Yes.

Speaker 4 It's the best. What's amazing is because they did speed up the film, but they didn't realize that when horror movie makers do this, they just speed up the film.

Speaker 4 They don't speed up the film and also run real fast.

Speaker 4 And that is what she has done. So now we get our first shot of the daughters.

Speaker 4 And can I say, just to reflect personally for a moment, I'm kind of watching these daughters grow up through the lens of these bad Christian movies.

Speaker 4 Can I say, it makes me feel bad. It feels a little like we're the podcast that roasts family Christmas cards, right?

Speaker 4 Because I'm pretty sure these people send everyone in their family like, hey, we done a new movie. Make sure you check it out.

Speaker 4 And I'm a 37-year-old man who doesn't know them who's just had increasingly mean jokes about their children's physical appearance.

Speaker 3 You have a parasocial relationship with these fucking kids. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 3 Oh, wow.

Speaker 4 Like, this movie is the first time I was like, huh, can I start making jokes about these kids yet? Nah, they're probably not 18.

Speaker 3 Cross out, cross out, cross out.

Speaker 4 That's a weird position to be in.

Speaker 3 Can I start making jokes about Eli's Halloween card? Did you all get it? Yeah, we got it. The one where Eli looks like maybe a KKK member in the background.

Speaker 3 In short sleeves. Interesting choice.

Speaker 4 Okay, so for those at home who are confused, Max chose the costumes this year because Anne and I were talking about it and he wanted to choose.

Speaker 4 And so the costumes he chose were frog, frog, frog, hate group. And spooky ghosts.

Speaker 4 So he decided that I would be a spooky ghost. So we covered me in a tablecloth and put my glasses on me while the three of them had a nice photo shoot as frogs.

Speaker 3 But why were you burning the cross, though? yeah that is because I am trying to send a message to my neighbors and I don't want to talk about what it is but

Speaker 3 clear exactly but back to this movie they go back to this movie yeah the guy gets a call with a ringtone that can't exist now like I just find the real thing he pulls out an iPhone and it's a ringtone that's not that sorry but then okay I feel crazy this is the first moment he gets a phone call that's a voicemail am I wrong well so they don't know know because they watched youtube hon oh you oh you didn't hear any of this no

Speaker 3 that's what i'm saying we get to we get to share what this okay well i'm sorry audible i am playing the audio of what happened here because you have to hear this man get a phone call that's a voicemail because it's the weirdest thing

Speaker 3 henry man's your uncle rich

Speaker 3 man i hate to be the one to tell you but

Speaker 3 Your father was found dead in the barn this morning.

Speaker 5 They said it was a heart attack.

Speaker 5 Looks like that farm is all yours, buddy.

Speaker 3 That's a voice. Wait, he left a voicemail about a death? But he rang and received a phone call.
He answered the voice calling.

Speaker 3 It's like if someone knocked on your door and you answered, but then they were an email. It was a letter.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 What?

Speaker 3 How does that even happen?

Speaker 4 We also have to point out that David has gone with the Billy Goats Gruff style of beer for this film.

Speaker 3 Oh, my God.

Speaker 3 New episode, just his.

Speaker 3 How does that happen it morphs it changes sizes it's like one of those you ever go to like one of those experimental art things and someone set up a thing where they do like a light projection onto water that's what he's doing with his beard he shaves the sides of his face like a normal human being sort of like more or less and then he just forgets shaving exists for the whole chin and mouth part And so he has a ZZ top, but like only like three inches wide, like a ZZ top beard just on his chin.

Speaker 4 ZZ bottom, if you will.

Speaker 3 And then the sides of his face, though, shaved normal. It's the worst look.

Speaker 3 It's so bad. I think it's a tactical beard in his head.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 No question. He's quite certain it's tactical in some way.
To be fair, though, everything is a tactical that thing for this guy.

Speaker 3 He's one of those guys that you could sell anything to without marketing. We make fun of it on dads where it's like, it'll be like a diaper carrier.
It's like, tactical bad pressure.

Speaker 3 Tactical blood pressure medication.

Speaker 4 absolutely dear old dad's just one of the many podcasts that thomas is on

Speaker 4 opening arguments

Speaker 3 thomas is handing me a 20 under the recording table right now everybody just so you know what's going on so now we get the title hillock haunting that's not a good title no it's not sure isn't the haunting of hillock house so it's like it's supposed to be like scary like oh you go what's going to be like the haunting like a haunted mountain or something well you know like a little mound like a small mound

Speaker 4 I don't think they know that Hillock means small mound. I think they just like saw the word in an old book and they were like, what if it's the Hillock family? Hillock Haunting.
That's great. H-H.

Speaker 4 Yeah, let's fucking do it. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Well, but it sounds so awkward. It always blows my mind when it's like, wait, that's not their actual name.
So you could have picked the net. There's no, you know, like.

Speaker 3 You could have picked any name. You can write whatever you want.
Yeah, you can write whatever you want. They have to chose something that is so awkward.
Hillock. Hillock hunting.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it is really weird to say. It's awful.

Speaker 4 I don't know this, but I think the Wrights dabble in that transmogrifiers version of naming movies, which is that they want to name it close.

Speaker 3 Close to the hellhouse.

Speaker 4 That's something that someone is searching for. Yep.

Speaker 3 They try to get people who are too high to search correctly to accidentally watch this. That's absolutely what it is.
But this Hillock hunting, the guy gets a call.

Speaker 3 I guess we didn't say that his dad died and the farm. I just want to say, live your life such that when you inherit a piece piece of shit farm, you're like, oh, no, no, thanks.
I don't, I

Speaker 3 got, sell, put it up on me. Yeah, let's see how much that bad boy's worth.
But these people drop everything and just instantly are like, oh, there's something to do. Okay, great.
Finally.

Speaker 3 We bought a petting zoo. Yeah.

Speaker 4 So, yeah. And so he drives them to the farm and then explains what they're going to do.

Speaker 4 I wrote in my notes at this point, Thomas and Lydia, I would like you to announce to your children that you're moving to a farm and see if their response is a quiet hug, which is the response of the daughters in this movie.

Speaker 3 They just leave. They leave their apartment and they're like, all right.
They have this scene where they're like, well, we're going to, guys, the worst. He's not, you can't call him an actor.

Speaker 3 Did this feel like a documentary to anybody in this scene? And he's like, the camera work was so weird.

Speaker 3 Yeah. So bad.
And he says, like, well, we're moving. And then they just go.
It isn't like a normal movie or a normal, I don't know, human thing would be, well, guys, we inherited a farm.

Speaker 3 We are going to move. So probably two, three months.
We're going to, let's get, let's get, tie things out. I'm going to put in my notice at the old factory here.
You guys are going to quit school.

Speaker 3 We're going to move. They're like, nope.
Okay. Let's go.
And

Speaker 3 they're like, here we go. And then they're there.
And grandpa died. No reaction.

Speaker 4 They might as well drive off with a crackling fire of the town behind them.

Speaker 3 They might as well drive off. And then the family that actually lives in that apartment is tied up and like,

Speaker 3 like they've just been, been out. They've just been living in someone else's life the whole time.
Just flicks a cigarette into gasoline and explodes.

Speaker 4 They've been funny games and girls.

Speaker 3 We found a different life to have. Okay.
We let the family go.

Speaker 4 Let them out of their panic room. They starved to death.

Speaker 3 Well, there you have it.

Speaker 4 Should have raised fatter kids. It's interesting that you point out his acting style, Thomas, because I think I put my finger on it.
Let me hit you with this.

Speaker 4 You ever watch in a true crime thing and there's someone who talks weird and you're like, that guy talks weird this whole whole time.

Speaker 4 But then in episode seven, they reveal that he was in the room when the goat burst through the refrigerator and gored dad and then ripped his head off and threw it into the blender and it all went into his mouth.

Speaker 4 And you're like, That's why that guy talks that way.

Speaker 3 He's crazy, Nick. That's how David Wright acts.

Speaker 4 He acts like someone who has not yet revealed their trauma to you, but it's going to make sense when they have.

Speaker 3 So good. I also, you were missing out on so many subtitles.
We'll get to them.

Speaker 3 But what they also tried to do, and I love this with these shitty films, they tried to like fix some things in the subtitles in the Amazon ones. Again, because they made the Amazon ones.

Speaker 3 So they'll like make them act better. It'll be like, Henry breathes uneasily.
And I'm like, no, no, you didn't.

Speaker 3 You didn't. You might as well say like, Henry acts incredibly compelling.

Speaker 4 Actually, just because you put it in the script doesn't mean you get to put it in the subtitles, girl. Come on.
So yeah, they're moving into the farm.

Speaker 4 This is where the girls stop to admire the painting of a donkey.

Speaker 3 And the girl says, wow, he really did love donkeys.

Speaker 4 And I wrote in my notes, why else would he have a painting of one?

Speaker 3 Look at the size of that painting. And it's literally like something you could get at HomeGoods.
It's like not big at all. No.
We're coming up on our favorite thing that we laughed forever on.

Speaker 3 So I just want to make sure we get to it.

Speaker 4 Is it the French postcard he got from one of his many donkey lovers that we got to in this scene?

Speaker 3 No, but I love that. That's all so good.
Honestly, like the way that this was being set up, initially I was like, are donkeys the problem?

Speaker 3 Like, is is that what's going on here like did they bring on the ghosts overtaking because there's so much focus on them but you guys want to know why there's so much focus on donkeys why because ashley started a donkey rescue no what

Speaker 3 it's called donkey and draft rescue and they have a patreon oh what and it's higher than ours everybody no check them out if you're also a donkey fan i'm sure they would really appreciate it okay i want to point out that i did not know this information when i made my donkey propaganda joke Like, cause I was literally like, this is just pro-donkey propaganda.

Speaker 3 No, I found this because this is what

Speaker 3 that feels so. I just find things like this.
That feels so validating.

Speaker 4 This is so, all it's all the donkeys were in the fucking thing.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it is.

Speaker 3 Randomly, they'll be like, fun donkey fact. They're amazing.
And you're like, what the fuck is this? I learned it from the newsletter I get from Donkey and Draft Rescue.

Speaker 3 Okay, now, first warning, we need to bring a rescue donkey to the Wright family now in real life. Absolutely.

Speaker 4 No, no, no, no. We need to bring me in a donkey costume to

Speaker 3 the donkey.

Speaker 3 Yes, that's better. Okay.

Speaker 4 Now, I look, I hate to bring us to the side, but I need to because it's important for the Lord.

Speaker 4 When you go to Tronky and Draft Rescue, they have Donkey on Demand TV that promises watch your favorite donkey and draft rescue videos 24 hours a day delivered to you by your favorite donkeys.

Speaker 3 What does that mean?

Speaker 3 We have to do whatever that is. Stop everything.

Speaker 4 Is she picturing a future project that's sort of a CNBC 24 hours?

Speaker 3 Always watching it, but when it's like Mr. Ed TV.

Speaker 3 I was envisioning donkey a series of donkey messengers, but you're saying it's like, no, donkey anchors that are like, okay, and over to you.

Speaker 3 And it's just 24-7 donkey news cycle. Is that what it is? I don't, I don't know what that is.
Okay, Heath, from your heart, okay, their highest Patreon level is $300 a month. Can we pledge right now?

Speaker 3 What do we get?

Speaker 4 Can we pledge right now as our podcast? Okay, access to behind-the-scenes rescue scenes, exclusive video content, never before seen photos, and monthly newsletters.

Speaker 4 This level also includes a special e-card from the donkeys on our birthday.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 4 Private videos and photos of your favorite rescue scenes.

Speaker 3 I'm signing up right now. $300 a month.

Speaker 3 Look, I'm actually signing up for a higher thing to see if they invent one. 301? Yeah.
Yeah. Oh, I went way higher than 301.
Jesus Christ.

Speaker 3 I have to apologize to Noah right now for what I'm doing to your business.

Speaker 4 Noah, we are having it's a bad check this month, but when you come back from vacation, it's working. I hope you like rum.

Speaker 3 And Noah, we bought a petting zoo.

Speaker 4 We bought a petting zoo.

Speaker 3 We bought a rescue.

Speaker 4 We bought a donkey rescue.

Speaker 3 That's what are the donkeys being rescued from? Like, what is David?

Speaker 3 Oh, God.

Speaker 3 Are a lot of people in apartment complexes taking on one too many donkeys? Like, what is this?

Speaker 4 They do when they have a dream.

Speaker 3 No, it was, it was going to be fine. We get a donkey.
No, we have a studio apartment. No, it'll be great.
And then, like, they accidentally get a boy donkey and a girl donkey. No, wait.

Speaker 3 Famously, they can't reproduce, right? That's right.

Speaker 3 What the fuck? What are you rescuing them? Okay.

Speaker 3 How did you know that fact? Because they didn't talk about that in the movie. That's fair.
I don't know anything about donkeys until this surprises my wife from time to time.

Speaker 3 I do know information that's not in the movie that we just watched. I disagree.

Speaker 3 I think that's weird.

Speaker 3 Okay, so we have to talk about this scene. Talk to me.
Because now we need something scary to happen. You ready for something scary to happen? It's a horror movie, everybody.

Speaker 3 And so the girls are having a scene where the one that Eli thinks is autistic is proving the case.

Speaker 4 I'm not ready to weigh in on which of them I think is autistic.

Speaker 3 Well, is it the one that's doing this entire scene, staring at the floor? Because I think it might be her.

Speaker 3 And I don't understand that. But then again, it also could just be how they make movies, they're that bad at it.

Speaker 3 And then they're like, Okay, we had a terrible scene, not memorable, whatever they said. And then they start to walk out.
And a subtitle indicates the sound that we get.

Speaker 3 It says, the subtitle says, shower curtain bangs.

Speaker 3 Now, can a shower curtain bang? Is what I want to know. And then they say, whoa, what was that? Oh, we must have just, and they, and I quote, it's the shower curtain.

Speaker 3 We must have knocked it over when we let. What? What? How do you knock a shower curtain down? Am I crazy?

Speaker 4 That is a great question. Now, Thomas, it's weird because I feel like we're reversing roles very slightly because this is a poor person thing.

Speaker 3 Oh, are you saying that the shower curtain is independent of the shower?

Speaker 4 It's independent of the shower. You buy one of the ones that you just sort of like stuck onto either side.

Speaker 3 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 3 Happen, though. No, no, no.
No, absolutely. We agree that in the movie, they just rustled a curtain and called it knocking it over.

Speaker 3 Okay, now we have to get to the. I'm so sorry, because right after this, the way they get out of the scary moment is mine and Lydia's favorite thing to ever happen and be captured on film.

Speaker 3 I'm going to play this, and I'm just so glad that I had to put in a special legal request.

Speaker 4 Thomas brought clips.

Speaker 3 Yes, to like, I filled out a form to like be able to play clips on your guys's company show, and it's so worth it. So here we go.

Speaker 6 What was that? It's just the shower curtain. We must have knocked it over somehow.

Speaker 3 Oh, okay. We'll get it later.
All right.

Speaker 3 Hey, small books.

Speaker 3 Hey, small books.

Speaker 3 Was she trying to say some old books?

Speaker 4 She is trying to say some old books.

Speaker 3 Okay, she says small books.

Speaker 3 Small books, and the subtitle on Amazon says small small books no she says small books you're you're doing giving her credit these subtitles i remind you are not auto generated they they dated

Speaker 3 from the mind of the author yes and they she says hey small books i'm not joking small

Speaker 3 hey round movies what

Speaker 4 now i do have to point out that at this point these books will be books the teens are reading later they will be his dead father's journals oh they like reuse the prop yeah and like various ghost encyclopedias i think

Speaker 4 But also, grandpa appears to have chewed the edges of his diary.

Speaker 3 It's so stupid. It is so dumb.
Using one of like the wood pencil things. Yeah, the prop of his diary is like one of those stupid TikToks you'd see, or back in the day, it was vines or whatever.

Speaker 3 No, it was like an old YouTube video where someone made an entire thing in nature out of sticks, but it's a journal. Oh, yes.
It's like, why would that be the they have phones?

Speaker 3 No, it's like, it's like, yeah, school projects, right?

Speaker 3 Like that you'd have to recreate a journal or something from a family member's past and you would like, you know, stain it with tea and burn the edges.

Speaker 4 Hold the lighter under it and then you set it on fire and your dad yells at you.

Speaker 3 I mean, they have Amazon in this world, right? Like you would have just ordered a journal from Amazon. Why would you get one that looks like it was made in 1850? Just because it's spookier?

Speaker 3 But it's just the grandpa. Why would he be spooky? Okay.
It's also the one journal and he was 87 years old and he's only had one journal. Oh, no, they find more later on.

Speaker 3 There's a series of journals, spoilers, but yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 So, we get some sweet, sweet pony footage, and then we cut over to David in the only scene they will have with a horse. Now,

Speaker 4 this is what I'm going to make a guess here about the cinematic universe. I think they were like, and we could use the horse for the movie.
And this horse kicked David in the chest.

Speaker 4 He was in the hospital for six to ten weeks.

Speaker 4 And they took the moment where it kicked him in the chest and made it part of the film.

Speaker 3 I hate to contradict you, but I think I actually have a better theory, which is that it's all part of the pro-donkey propaganda. That's it.

Speaker 3 Oh, man, this fucking horses are so inconvenient. Horses will kick you if only there was a smaller creature, you know, that still had the same sized head.
Yeah. Oh, there it is.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's absolutely it. And now their subtitle says, horse clopping angrily.

Speaker 3 I couldn't help but think of flip-flop horse. Like it must be

Speaker 3 clop tom, but made it into a horse subtitle. But what they're going for here is that like horses can sense demons, maybe, because maybe there's a demon around and the horse gets a little spooked here.

Speaker 3 And very clearly, David Owen Wright and this whole family, they have very strong opinions on which animals are in league with demons and which animals can magically sense demons

Speaker 3 and be helpful.

Speaker 4 Also, I just have to point out that I, and I've never seen this before, this horse has the same hairstyle as all the women I've ever met who work at a vape shop.

Speaker 4 I don't know how they managed to do this. It's got the blonde curl over.
Anyways, so that night he's sort of taking stock of the farm and he's going to tell the girls about it.

Speaker 4 He says, and I'm almost exact quote, I counted all the animals. Oh my God.
There's 19 of them.

Speaker 3 And he goes through them. There's two this, five that.
What do we, again, it's an advertisement. Yeah.
And they're going selling fast, everyone. If you

Speaker 3 get your donkeys now.

Speaker 4 And he also advised them not to get kicked by a horse because again, in my theory, he just got kicked by a horse six to 10 weeks ago when they started making the film.

Speaker 4 And then the girls ask for permission to read, which is, I wrote in my notes, fine, but just this once.

Speaker 4 And then they order a pizza. Again, if you've been.

Speaker 3 Oh, hold on.

Speaker 3 He opens the fridge and he goes,

Speaker 3 pizza, it is. I'm like, yeah, sorry your dead dad didn't leave like a delicious turkey dinner waiting for you in the fridge the day after he died.
It was a nice charcuterie plate, but absolutely old.

Speaker 3 The pacing is as though he just died. Like, that's like, in terms of the timeline,

Speaker 3 I love the disappointment in opening the fridge.

Speaker 4 Absolutely.

Speaker 4 If only dad had known about factor meals, you know what I'm saying?

Speaker 3 But yeah, they're getting pizza.

Speaker 4 I also just have to point this scene out with the pizza because I believe that the way the rights get their children to participate in these films is they get takeout for the first time that year.

Speaker 4 Oh, yeah. Last film we watched, it was very obviously KFC.
This year, I believe it was pizza.

Speaker 3 Just for those of you keeping track, I have to get to my second now favorite moment of acting in this and why i unironically just love watching like every moment of this was a feast for the eyes because we get the funniest reading ever which is

Speaker 3 i don't know if they have emotions like us

Speaker 3 about the animals

Speaker 3 and the most dead they're she's talking about the animals and she says i don't know if they have emotions like us yes and it's like

Speaker 3 Do you hear yourself? Like the whole movie is stuff like that, where you're like, this is actually genius. This might be brilliant.
I don't know. I'm not sure.

Speaker 4 I wrote in my notes when she says that line, I can confirm the donkeys do in fact have emotions like you.

Speaker 3 Like us, yeah. The subtitles just say, he said emotionfully.

Speaker 3 He said

Speaker 3 doing good acting.

Speaker 4 So now it's time for another pop scare. We get one of the girls reading in the woods.

Speaker 3 Trees crackling is the sound.

Speaker 3 Some subtitles. Trees crackling.

Speaker 3 Creepy breathing was one of them. But here's what I want to know, which came first? Because crackling, not really a thing that they like, the sound also actually sounds like that.

Speaker 3 It's like a candy wrapper. Yeah.

Speaker 3 But that's not what trees do. So what I want to know is, did the sound come first or did the subtitle come first? Did the subtitle come first? And then the sound guy was like, crackling.

Speaker 3 Okay, I guess I'll wrinkle some fucking cellophane. I guess that's what you want.
I have to know.

Speaker 4 Yeah. And then the shaky cam chases her.

Speaker 3 a little maybe right trying to be blair witch i lived out in the middle of nowhere uh in a forest I used to do this as a kid when you're like eight or nine, and you just decide like there's a ghost, it's something scary, and you run away, like, just as a thing to do.

Speaker 3 There wasn't a lot to do.

Speaker 3 No, I did. I did that.

Speaker 4 I did that in suburbia. I decided it was my basement.

Speaker 3 Yeah, you pretend the cops are coming after you if you hear a siren anywhere. You just dive into the bushes.
Yeah. Oh, that sounds great.
They're after me. They're after me.
Plus,

Speaker 3 if you live in a forest, you've got a great stick that you can use as a sword. Oh,

Speaker 3 just saying. Great stick.
I didn't have a great stick. Okay, so at this moment, there's some very small books, which is very scary.

Speaker 3 Just sitting on a rock.

Speaker 3 And one of the sisters from the family sees that and then maybe gets attacked by a demon in the woods who's like

Speaker 3 mad about her taking the very small books that the demon keeps on this rock for their reading spot. Well, they had taken them out there to read.

Speaker 3 So and then she's got, oh, whoops, we left our small books out there where the demon, I guess, is. Oh, okay.
And she goes out and the ghost, I think this is the ghost at this point.

Speaker 3 Cause again, spoilers, there's a ghost and a demon, two different characters with backstories, with entire internal experiences. So we need to honor that.
Two different things.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's just ghost demon for me throughout, but you're not right. It's a ghost and a demon.
Two different ghost race. Two different entities.
They don't all, quote, look alike.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 4 It's a ghost and a demon. And by the end of the movie, I'm not sure that they know each other.

Speaker 3 No. Exactly.

Speaker 3 Exactly. By the end of the movie, it's like, oh, oh, hey, you're here.
Oh, hi. Yeah, no, I.
I feel like we're working working at cross purposes a little bit. We should have consulted on this.

Speaker 3 We're kind of haunting the same area.

Speaker 3 Right. And the ghost, you know, does typical ghosty things, which is nothing.
And then she runs away and is like, ah, I got away from the nothing that was out there. That's all that happens.

Speaker 3 Okay, so yeah, I thought the demon ghost or whichever one it is, the ghost.

Speaker 4 Wow, stop mixing those.

Speaker 3 I thought the ghost

Speaker 3 people? I thought the ghost had left the books on the rock to like get the kids to grab them. And it was like a Boo Radley scenario.
And there's going to be more like Boo Radley stuff going on.

Speaker 3 There's like a neighbor kid that they, yeah, yeah, that would be better. Yeah, I think the Wright family read To Kill a Mockingbird question mark, but they don't know what happens

Speaker 3 at all.

Speaker 4 Hey, buddy, I promise you, the Wright family hasn't read

Speaker 3 it. Once you get a Do we go a Mockingbird, they're like, I don't like the proportions of this book, it's a normal-sized book.

Speaker 3 Here's what I promise you: if you ask David Wright, this doesn't teach me how to kill it at all. At all.

Speaker 4 I'm going to write an even bit, how to really kill a mockingbird by David Wright.

Speaker 4 Do you think, just going back slightly, and please forgive me for dwelling, do you think that the ghost talks about the demon the way we talk about bigots who also are atheists?

Speaker 4 Like the ghost is meeting someone and they're like, oh, you know, Sam Harrison is like, ah, I don't know.

Speaker 3 Now, technically, we're in the same genre, but we don't claim him. We don't claim him.

Speaker 3 Why does everyone always ask me this? Yeah, okay.

Speaker 3 Yes, we are. We share a spiritual realm.
No, I'm not the same as the demon. I don't make the same choices.

Speaker 4 The ghost always has to apologize, right?

Speaker 3 We really just agree on one simple question if you think about it. But if you look at the demon's Patreon, it's like 400 times mine.
I don't know why. I don't know why.

Speaker 3 The demons making a lot more money doing this. And then now they've got their own university.
Yeah, we're trying to reclaim a moral sound ghosting. And these demons just come in here.

Speaker 3 And they do whatever the fuck they want. They make more money.
And the demons' moms buy them like six PhDs. They don't really deserve it.

Speaker 4 When I go visit other hauntings, they won't mention opening arguments.

Speaker 3 Opening arguments?

Speaker 4 Go open it. Ghost.

Speaker 3 Go.

Speaker 3 Opening arguments. It's look,

Speaker 4 we'll come to it. All right.
So then we get David waking up in the dark.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Oh, this is the Yankee candle moment. I'm sorry.
I have to talk about this. So David wakes up in the dark and he sees the ghost in the hallway.
And she dramatically whips the candle around her body.

Speaker 4 But it's not scary because it's very clearly one of those Yankee candles that's called like Christmas morning.

Speaker 3 So it kind of takes away from the

Speaker 3 spook factor.

Speaker 4 And then

Speaker 4 he goes into the bathroom and realizes that the ghost has fogged up the bathroom.

Speaker 3 In the shower, which is how I learned that my wife is a ghost.

Speaker 3 I kind of like that the ghost was mostly doing like low-level pranks this whole time. Like

Speaker 3 leaving the hot water. It's like just a bunch of stuff to prank all dads.
Just like moving the thermostat a little bit and running.

Speaker 3 Touching the thermostat, you know messing with the line moving heavy furniture down the stairs without lifting it

Speaker 3 or the ghost was just you know taking a shower like getting clean i don't believe the front door open he turns it off and the subtitle says handle clattering dude just no like now i want to imagine an extended argument between the subtitles guy and the sound title

Speaker 3 clattering oh

Speaker 3 what do you think it crinkled Maybe I'll crinkle the handle and I'll crinkle it and it'll turn off. You're telling me that shower curtain is just holding this whole time?

Speaker 4 T-Dog, it's been a while since we've done this. Let's invite the rights on for a debate on serious inquiries only about what the word clattering means.

Speaker 4 I think it's time.

Speaker 3 And it's here where you can see the shower curtain is clearly not a kind you can knock over. It's absolutely not one of the ones that you cannot want to knock over.
100%.

Speaker 3 But a ghost was like, I loosened the springs on the tension that I got.

Speaker 3 Now I wait. Now, what would you do? I just want to ask us all.
What would you do if you woke up from a dream that you woke up from a dream? Because he does a dream of a dream thing.

Speaker 3 And then you you go and the shower is turned on. Very spooky, yes.
We cut to the next morning. What do you think this guy has done about this?

Speaker 3 He calls the plumber. He calls the plumber.
He asks a professional plumber.

Speaker 3 It's so good. Is there any chance I have a magical shower faucet that turns on?

Speaker 4 His exact words, if I may. Can the water come on without me turning it on?

Speaker 3 What is the best case scenario answer from the plumber? um

Speaker 3 no

Speaker 3 yeah what yeah who did new number i'm not talking to you anymore okay but here's the thing this is where i felt most connected to david because i make these calls to the service people

Speaker 3 this is what elite would do yeah now 100 i hear myself

Speaker 4 i have multiple times texted my electrician and said hey this light fixture is broken and he has texted me back the bulb burned out and i've been like no i just changed it and he's like you should try changing the bulb before i come out there and sure enough i changed the bulb and it's fine and i'm like you were right and he's like and then he doesn't respond because why would you okay every repair person in real life in david owen right's town is fielding phone calls that are like hey is there a demon-based reason that

Speaker 3 the door jam is a little bit sticky yeah no question

Speaker 4 now this is where heath and i lost sound they have a conversation for a good minute so smiths yeah fill us in yes we'll fill you in.

Speaker 3 We'll fill you in. Okay.
So they basically say, Hey, you know, grandpa had books about ghosts in the house, and we were reading them before bed.

Speaker 3 The small books that they were very excited about. And he said, You were reading ghost books before bed.
He gets very upset about it. And they're like, It's fine.

Speaker 3 You know, we'll bring them down and show them to you. And why can't they read ghost books before bed? They're like 20.

Speaker 3 They're freaking old. I think the last movie we did was very much about the dangers of reading books that have occult stuff in it.

Speaker 3 Like it's a theme for this family that they worked into this one a little bit.

Speaker 3 Okay. To be fair, James Hetfield,

Speaker 3 James Methfield met what he meant was

Speaker 3 from like a Gaston perspective, you know, like it's not right for a woman to read. Yeah.
People start getting ideas and thinking. It was more like that, I think.

Speaker 3 That's why they had to cut it out of YouTube because the censorship Google would hold them back.

Speaker 4 It's all making sense. So now we cut to them.
They're doing some work out on the farm. I think they try to make a donkey sound scary in this scene.

Speaker 3 Oh my God. It woke up my dog the first time I watched it.
I was so mad. She was freaking out.
I was like, oh, stupid donkey. And also the stall for the donkey was named the Thomas Suite.

Speaker 3 I don't know if you guys saw that.

Speaker 3 It's all coming together.

Speaker 4 Also, because this is the best example of it. I know I've talked about the animals doing cute thing.
They literally have like a minute-long shot of a donkey rolling around having a black.

Speaker 3 I know, so cute.

Speaker 4 He's literally doing the like dog finding a good puddle roll.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Not filling me with the chilling feeling I think a haunted movie should be going for.

Speaker 3 But propaganda, yeah.

Speaker 4 And then, and I can't emphasize this enough, we have about two minutes of footage of David with his bulldozer.

Speaker 3 Why?

Speaker 4 Because he had a bulldozer and Ashley said that we'd do some footage of me and my bulldozer.

Speaker 3 It still has the price tag on it. I'm sorry.
So here's the thing. Here's the thing.
Because he said, he said, I'm calling my gravel guy to to repair the paddocks, right?

Speaker 3 And I see the rocks that are delivered and I'm like,

Speaker 3 I feel like that's not right. And so I went on a journey of researching how to properly build a paddock.

Speaker 4 If you're not listening to where there's woke, this is the mind that you have available.

Speaker 4 This is what she does, but for as a force for good instead of as a force for evil, which is what she's forced to do when she's on our show.

Speaker 3 I examined like, there's various layers.

Speaker 3 Sometimes it's a force for nothing.

Speaker 3 According to my research, the size of the rock that he had delivered is probably appropriate for a base layer. And that'd be it.
Anything higher, and you're going to want something a lot smaller.

Speaker 3 They're very huge. You don't want horses stepping on those things.

Speaker 3 So what he's really doing is building a paddock. He's not repairing one.
He's starting from the base layer. And I feel like they should have known that because they're farmers.

Speaker 3 Let's get to the bottom of this. Yeah.
Well, to be very, he called a plumber to ask if turning

Speaker 3 doesn't turn on

Speaker 3 turn it on. Far too large of rocks.

Speaker 4 But now it's time to meet my favorite

Speaker 3 character in the movie, Abby. My favorite person.
Oh, my God. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Possibly ever. Yeah.
She's a great acting performance. Yes.

Speaker 4 So we see someone that put themselves in the room with the donkeys and they're holding a rusty sickle, right? We're setting up for a horror scene.

Speaker 3 Scraping it up on someone else's property.

Speaker 4 Yeah, she does a lot of scraping with this sickle. And then the girls find her and it is Abby, who is, I'm going to say, the girl's friend from school.
What do you guys think?

Speaker 3 Oh, I think this is the, I think this is another older sister. This is the oldest sister.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know that she's blood related, though.

Speaker 3 No, she just got the dad's genetics more than a mom's. You can tell.
I'm pretty sure we've seen her in other Wright family movies, and she's one of the sisters in real life.

Speaker 3 You don't think she's adopted? She has the mom's exact mouth, but the dad's exact shape. Okay.
Yeah. I think that's right.

Speaker 4 There's three Wright children. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Oh, wow. Wow.
We made a discovery that you guys didn't. I just assumed.
Yeah. So I don't have whatever your history is.
So I was like, oh, there's a third one.

Speaker 3 Oh, no, your assumption is definitely correct. Yeah.
Okay. I didn't know that.
Here, let me click on the cast.

Speaker 4 Hey, guys. I'm sorry that I.
Oh, yeah. Get on the cast on Amazon.

Speaker 3 Just realize, what do you think they hired a separate actor for this?

Speaker 4 I thought they like had.

Speaker 3 Here, I'm going to tell you. Oh, oh, oh, this is going to be good.
Okay. Jaina Wright portrays Abby.
Yes. Here's what she's known for.
And we'll see if you've seen any of it. The Raptured Iron.

Speaker 3 I dare you to mess with a kid's panda at Christmas.

Speaker 3 boxes and blessings sorry let me write the band

Speaker 3 the bible and big film

Speaker 3 obviously the one that began it all well then you know her you know the word of jaina right eli exactly how dare this jaina right erasure i don't remember

Speaker 4 i don't remember children because i can't make fun of their physical appearance when they age into me being able to make fun of their physical appearance as she has done in this film in jesus name that sounds like we also did that one yeah that's a So you've also seen her in that somewhere.

Speaker 3 Correct.

Speaker 4 But again, I have to wipe them from my memory until I'm allowed to make fun of their physical appearance. It's my working process.

Speaker 3 Love, cast out all fear. Yeah, you know.

Speaker 3 John had a resume. Yeah.
Prolific.

Speaker 4 Well, anyways, we see her in this film. They have decided to give her black eye makeup under the eyes.

Speaker 3 They had Phoebe do her makeup.

Speaker 3 No, this is like when I went to sleepovers as a kid and we pretended we were in the craft and like just try and be like spooky and we would like try and levitate each other. Yeah, this is what.

Speaker 3 Right. But also maybe you were playing center field on a sunny day on a baseball team.
I was going to say,

Speaker 3 it does

Speaker 3 maybe you're related to a raccoon. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 It does vary from raccoon to football player to Justin Trudeau's photo he wishes you would forget about.

Speaker 3 It really,

Speaker 4 really goes back and forth.

Speaker 3 It gets way too close. Yeah.

Speaker 4 But yeah, this is Abby. She was the girl who helped grandpa out on the farm.
And she

Speaker 4 talks spooky, right? The point is she talks spooky, but none of them can act or emote. So she just talks slightly more monotone than the other people in this film.

Speaker 3 Yeah, they don't have a lot of variables to work with in terms of delivery. You know, there's not a whole lot.

Speaker 3 So she's like, all right, well, you sound exactly like all of us because we're all this exact thing. Maybe put a little more space in between your sentences.
Okay. There you go.
That's it.

Speaker 3 We'll call it a character. And we painted your face weirdly and that's it.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 4 And then the next day, dad meets her, right? So the girls meet her. And then the next day, dad meets her.

Speaker 4 And she's just the entire time they're talking, scraping the scythe back and forth along the wall.

Speaker 3 She will not stop playing with this prop scythe, but it is a very real rusty scythe that they have on set. It is rusty, but you know what's more scary is like a sharp one of those, you know?

Speaker 3 Yeah, totally dull sickle is like, okay, I'm not as dude. Just tetanus.
Polish that up. And yeah, that's true.
That's important safe concern there.

Speaker 3 So this scene ends with dad just saying, like, hey, Abby, like, thanks for doing work on the farm for us. Just be careful with the scythe that you got.

Speaker 3 And then she improvises the thing and she scratches the back of her head with this. She's like, I'll be careful with the ow! Fuck.
And they have to cut. And that's the end of the scene.
It's the

Speaker 3 end of the scene. Yeah, it's pretty fantastic.
Clearly, she hurt herself with a scythe in real life. So we're going to take a quick break and let her get a band-aid or something much larger.

Speaker 3 I don't know, a bunch of Neosporin.

Speaker 3 Yeah, and a fatnic shot. And then we'll be back with more Hillick haunting.

Speaker 3 I'm telling you, donkeys are spiritual. They know things and they can sense when something is

Speaker 3 amiss.

Speaker 3 Trust the donkeys. Trust the donkeys.
If you say so.

Speaker 3 Hey.

Speaker 3 Oh,

Speaker 3 hey, donkey.

Speaker 4 Namaste.

Speaker 3 Say Namaste.

Speaker 3 I said hi. Yeah, but he said Namaste.

Speaker 3 Namaste, Donkey. Oh, feels appropriate.
Do you want to get rid of the ghost or not?

Speaker 3 Anyway, I was wondering if you could help us with the ghost or demon thing.

Speaker 4 Yes, I can help you.

Speaker 3 Oh, great.

Speaker 4 A reading starts at $45.

Speaker 3 $45?

Speaker 4 For the reading. And that does not include crystals or charms.

Speaker 3 I need to buy a crystal? Crystals, plural.

Speaker 4 Gonna need a lot, I could tell. Even though the reading hasn't started yet.

Speaker 3 Wow, a free preview. He never does those.
Okay.

Speaker 3 And we're back. When we left off, Abby had lost a good deal of blood doing that space work with a scythe.
Went very badly. I'm assuming they had to like pause production.
Opening arguments.

Speaker 3 Opening arguments is the name of a podcast. Everybody should check out.
Wow.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 now the sister

Speaker 3 editing that out

Speaker 3 whoever

Speaker 3 the sisters are having a meeting about the obviously evil person who carries around a weapon all the time and works at their farm but also does all the work

Speaker 3 yeah he's like what do you do around here and she's like well i feed the animals i i repair the power she like makes a point of saying all the stuff they already did and i'm like oh okay so you don't have a job anymore or they don't yeah it's good anyway redundant somebody's redundant is what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 I think what they're saying is they need someone to pledge $300 a month.

Speaker 3 Pick their favorite donkey. If only we had more donkeys to take care of.

Speaker 4 I don't like that they have other interests. It's not part of the game.

Speaker 4 This is like when someone was in a volleyball league with David A. R.
White, and I was like, what's he like? And they were like, he's nice.

Speaker 3 And I was like, no, he's not.

Speaker 3 Fuck you.

Speaker 4 Anyway, so now it's time for another hunting. This is one of the most intense ones in the movie.
We get some fast-motion camera, some doorknob wiggling, and then

Speaker 3 doorknob clattering again.

Speaker 3 Yeah, clattering. We also get my favorite closed captioning moment from YouTube anyway.
It says suspenseful musical music.

Speaker 4 You tell me that's auto-generated.

Speaker 4 You tell me what auto-generator on God's Green Earth auto-generated suspenseful musical music.

Speaker 3 That's right.

Speaker 4 So we cut straight from there to one of those weird cracker barrel signs. You just go to cracker barrel and you're like, who buys it? Ashley, right? That's who buys it.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 And the sign says, keep the gate closed, no matter what the donkeys tell you.

Speaker 3 Hilarious.

Speaker 4 We're going to talk to Abby again. Abby will,

Speaker 4 throughout the movie, reveal everything she knows, which I should point out is a lot, but she's going to reveal it like piece by piece, second by second.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I think it's worth playing this. This is more gold out of the best actress in the film.
Take us there, Thomas.

Speaker 3 One of the rights. I don't remember her name already.
Jaina.

Speaker 3 Safe from what?

Speaker 6 Ghost?

Speaker 6 More like the feeling of always being watched. Goosebumps on your arms, the hairs on the back of your neck standing up, and the cold, crushing feeling of death all over.

Speaker 3 Hey, Chris, can you not hammer in the background trying to do a horror movie?

Speaker 4 Immaculate performance.

Speaker 4 I don't think so.

Speaker 6 Come on, I'll show you my farm routine.

Speaker 3 Ghosts? I don't think so. Come on, I'll show you my farm routine.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 This is why I love this film because my mind, the abstract places my mind went, where you're like, what's more practical in your protection against ghosts?

Speaker 3 A donkey or a scythe?

Speaker 3 I don't, I don't, this is the best SAT question ever. I don't, I know.
What's more practical, a donkey or a scythe against ghosts. I love it.

Speaker 3 I want to get like really high and ponder that for like a year. Like, can I do some mushrooms and just like think about that question?

Speaker 4 Yeah, do a Terrence McNally dose in the desert. Yeah.

Speaker 3 These people just output this like it's nothing to them. They just spit out these gems of weirdness.
And it's like,

Speaker 3 they don't even recognize it. I did end up going on a journey with this too, because I was like, to find which is more practical against ghosts.
Just Lydia walking around

Speaker 3 This is practical. Just give me a second.
Just give me a second. The donkey's not coming with me.
Hold on. Types into Google who would win in a fight, a donkey or a ghost?

Speaker 3 No, but I ended up on CaliforniaPsychics.com. So, you know, a very reputable source.
And donkey.

Speaker 3 Left-wing psychics, though. They are considered spirit slash totem animals.
Not my words. California Psychics words.
Yeah. They say they have intuitive powers that keep them out of danger's way.

Speaker 4 Spoilers for later in the movie.

Speaker 3 Wow. They can see into the spirit realm.
Well, just saying maybe grandpa had some smart ideas. Had some points.

Speaker 4 Yeah. Maybe, do you think that's why the rights rescue them? Is that they see like how many gay people we're letting get married and they're like, we need the donkeys now more than ever.

Speaker 3 The ratio. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 I don't think it's very practical still, though. Like, okay, they can see into the spirit realm.
So you have a donkey with you at all times and the donkey's just like, this is a demon.

Speaker 3 Now what do you do? Hey, not for nothing. The grandpa died around

Speaker 3 copious donkeys a donkey was like there's a demon and he was like i'm dead so lots of donkeys the dad the grandpa

Speaker 3 painting of a donkey we did our part he didn't listen he had a wallet with photos of donkeys in it like he had donkey a donkey shirt on he had everything donkey and still got killed what would you say you do here donkeys i let him know

Speaker 3 i'm just a warning vessel

Speaker 4 i'm look if you get an adt for your house you also have to call the cops.

Speaker 3 Okay, don't put this on me. This is impractical.
You're impractical.

Speaker 4 Try a scythe next time.

Speaker 3 I will.

Speaker 4 Okay, so now it's time for more exposition because it's another scene. And they literally open this scene by being like, hey, the thing you said three seconds ago, can we talk about that more?

Speaker 4 And she's like, yes, your grandfather uncovered.

Speaker 4 things

Speaker 4 on this property. And I wrote in my notes as a joke, do we have to wait until the next animal before you tell us what the fuck that means?

Speaker 3 but they do that is what happens next in the movie i love that they leave the last scene and then walk back into the same exact spot

Speaker 3 to continue a conversation for this scene the right family style is the best they think you have to physically exit and physically enter every scene it's the best yeah no one's ever doing anything else when a scene starts it's always like Hey, we are starting existence right now in this moment.

Speaker 4 If you have a mental disease, the right family family films are made for you.

Speaker 3 Also, I know Abby probably works very hard. However, these are the stupidest instructions in the entire world.
She's like, I'm going to show you how to feed these donkeys.

Speaker 3 One scoop in the morning, one scoop at night. And that's it.

Speaker 3 Wow. Wow.
I feel like that could have been a text. Sorry, give me a second.
I'm writing this down. I got to memorize this.

Speaker 3 Also, it wasn't a whole scoop. So I'm just saying Abby's not even doing her job.

Speaker 4 She's starving the donkeys.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
Oh, they were too hungry to defend the dad.

Speaker 4 This is where Abby fills us in on the kind of information that only CaliforniaPsychics.com uses.

Speaker 4 That donkeys are very spiritual animals. And I immediately were picturing like the animals as all the friends of my wife that I hate.
They were like,

Speaker 4 oh, he's such a Libra.

Speaker 3 Okay, donkeys.

Speaker 4 So now they move to the next animal, or as Heath have it in his notes, they leave and come back again.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 For I think the third time that they're doing that.

Speaker 4 And they're like, okay, so what do you do about the ghosts? And she explains, please correct me if I'm wrong here, that she just kind of accepts the ghosts as a shitty co-worker.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Which is how I imagine everyone talks about me in podcasting. It's like,

Speaker 3 yeah, it gets very real for a second where they're like, wow, what do you do? She's like, well. Unions aren't very strong in this country anymore.

Speaker 3 And OSHA doesn't listen to my complaints. So I just, I think I'll probably die one day.
I don't know. I'm going to just keep doing my job because I don't have health insurance.
You got this scythe.

Speaker 3 So, yeah, I got, I mean, hopefully it doesn't like the scythe. Elections have consequences.

Speaker 3 I'm still supporting Trump, though, because I think Trump's really going to get things going.

Speaker 4 I just don't trust Kamala.

Speaker 3 You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

Speaker 3 I'm literally dying of whiteness is what she says.

Speaker 4 I'm dying of my own ignorance.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 4 She just starts to cut her own head off with a scythe.

Speaker 3 Oh, my God.

Speaker 4 We're coming up with a blame trans children.

Speaker 3 We're coming up to mine and Lydia's favorite, second favorite. I don't know.
It's hard. Small books is close.
These are the two things

Speaker 3 that we have been saying all day. Hey, small books.

Speaker 3 It's the best. Take us there, Smiths.

Speaker 4 What happens next?

Speaker 3 So, first, we have Abby runs and attacks a rat with a scythe, which is the stupidest thing. But she doesn't because it's just dirty.

Speaker 3 They show the rat, and it's just like a dead rat with some dirt on it.

Speaker 3 It was coincidentally killed by a cat, and they're like, let's use this. Zero blood.

Speaker 4 It is very important that we clarify. The Wrights found a dead rat on their property

Speaker 4 and were like, we should put this in the movie.

Speaker 3 We can use this. Yeah.
Wow. What a great thing.

Speaker 4 If you find a dead rat on your property and you think, hey, this should be part of my job, you should start your life over from the beginning.

Speaker 4 You should dress up as a baby and hope someone just raises you from the start again.

Speaker 3 That's my thought. I feel like there's, you know, eight hours of cutscenes where Abby was trying to kill a live rat with a scythe and then they found this rat and they were like, oh my god, thank you.

Speaker 4 Because they're sitting there eating their crafty, aka the pizza they were allowed to order as payment for this movie, right? And they were like, hey, Jamie, you could kill a rat, right?

Speaker 4 And she was like, sure could. I'm getting pretty good with this scythe.
Four days later, they gave up. Yeah.
Like Quentin Tarantino and Django Unchained.

Speaker 3 Do you have any idea how hard it would be to kill a rat with a... with a little hand tiny it's not the big like the you know that the grim reaper has either

Speaker 3 i know that yeah i know that it's amazing It's the right family. It's impractical.

Speaker 3 I'd rather try to kill a rat with a dump. I can't call the exterminator.
Could a rat have died without me saving it?

Speaker 3 Exactly. Yeah.

Speaker 4 So this is where Abby is going to give some more exposition to dad this time. She explains that grandpa found a human skull while he was digging the well.

Speaker 3 Okay. So.
After that pointless scene that I forgot about, the so dumb, where she hits nothing with her scythe and then whatever,

Speaker 3 now the girls have to debrief the dad and they discover they, they're, here's why she's carrying the scythe. The ghosts are afraid of it.
It's the it was probably what they were murdered with.

Speaker 3 Because the scythe was found with the skull, which is a fact that we hear no fewer than seven more times in this movie because they forgot. Dad reads it in the journal.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 That he found in the wall.

Speaker 3 Yep. And they do two more scenes without an unusual tool also.
Grandpa doesn't even know what a scythe is.

Speaker 3 They do a scene later where they say it twice in the same scene because they forgot they already did it.

Speaker 4 They will say it over and over again throughout the rest of the movie, yes.

Speaker 3 And so, but this is the first time. And so this is the realization.

Speaker 3 To Abby.

Speaker 6 The scythe, the thing she's always carrying around, that's the tool. She says it brings her protection from the ghost.

Speaker 6 That's why it brings her protection. That's what killed the ghost.
She carries it around because it's afraid of it.

Speaker 3 That's the answer. We have to get that away from Abby.
She doesn't live here. We do.
If we had that here, it could buy us enough time to figure out how to get rid of this thing.

Speaker 6 She'll kill us if we try to get that from her.

Speaker 3 She will never put it down. You're right.
That's all that poor girl has.

Speaker 3 Abby just sleeping, making like cute snore noises, and they're trying to like slowly pull a scythe out from under the pillow. But the turn on the dime from this guy.
We need to get it.

Speaker 3 After all, we live here, not her. But it's all, but she will never get.
You're right. It's all she has.
We'll never get.

Speaker 3 Oh,

Speaker 3 on a dime. It is so brilliant.
All right. New plan.
Oh.

Speaker 3 We'll have to buy ourselves time some other way. That level of comedy, I could never think of it.
Yeah. Like there's.
They, oh, they inadvertently create the funniest sequences of words and things.

Speaker 3 It's amazing. I love.

Speaker 3 This was a gift. Thank you.
Thank you for having us on to watch this. I enjoyed it so much.
My life is richer from having watched this film. Yeah, exactly.
Yeah. Enrichened life.

Speaker 3 Oh, and this is where dad explains that if a ghost is afraid of one thing aside, it's got to be afraid of something else.

Speaker 3 But why would that be true? Yeah.

Speaker 4 Also, never comes back and is not true in the movie.

Speaker 4 So do with that what you will. So one of the girls gets spooked by the ghost again.
She hears some words. It doesn't really matter.

Speaker 3 Words didn't happen.

Speaker 3 Yeah, the words didn't happen. One thing, though, is that she walks out of this forest with zero motive, zero urgency, even though the motive is literally the line that she just said.

Speaker 3 I have to show dad. It's a clue.
And then she kind of like crawls

Speaker 3 away. Like, yeah.

Speaker 3 Very strange. But she did try to pull a great trick, which was, which was she's like, I heard you.
You said help me. Yeah.
And I'm like, oh, okay.

Speaker 3 That's like if you do like, no, I will not make out with you, ghost.

Speaker 3 Why

Speaker 3 I heard you. You said I'm just a stupid fucking ghost.
I should probably stop haunting us and crinkling trees. Ghost says what? And like, see if it works.
Yeah, it's worth,

Speaker 3 it's worth a try. I don't know.

Speaker 4 So she goes in to tell her dad

Speaker 4 what just happened in the movie. And the ghost has left her.
So when she gets spooked by the ghost, she falls over and finds a message in the bottle

Speaker 3 from the ghost. Yeah.
And I have a signal where I'm like, the ghost is like, fuck, these people are so stupid.

Speaker 3 I think I'm going to help them out a little bit with this whole haunting. Like, it's too easy.
You know, like, maybe I'll give them a hint.

Speaker 4 To be clear, you don't need to put messages in a bottle unless you are putting them in water.

Speaker 3 That's not just a place to put messages.

Speaker 4 I mean, I suppose it would weatherproof it no matter where you put it, but it is odd that the ghost was like, Yeah, I mean, I don't want to put it in a Ziploc bag.

Speaker 3 I feel it's kind of anticlimactic. Tin foil?

Speaker 4 Message in a tinfoil.

Speaker 3 He doesn't want to put plastic in the ground, you know. Oh, God.
Microplastics leeching. Yeah, exactly.
What is the, what is, how does this fit with the lore of this movie? Is what I want to know.

Speaker 3 Like, what, who put a message in a? Okay, this used to be underwater. This entire place used to be an ocean.
And there was someone who put a message.

Speaker 3 I don't know, but we find out from that crinkled paper. Mrs.
Edwards Vanishes Without a Trace was the headline of the newspaper. Yeah.
Mrs. Edwards.

Speaker 4 Okay, sure. And they will spend now, and now they'll be like, gosh, I wonder who that is or if we could find out anything about her.

Speaker 4 They have this weird scene where it feels like David lied about like, I know some people at the FBI and the kids are calling him out about it on camera.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Yeah.
Cause they're like, you, Dad, you had great experience in the military where you won three purple hearts and know everyone who's super cool and badass and can do everything.

Speaker 3 He's like, yeah, but I mean, they all, I retired and they retired. Everyone retired at the same time as I did.
Retired the same day I did. They were like, we can't work here anymore without you.

Speaker 3 And they also left.

Speaker 4 We were on a yick yak together and that's all that's website shit, though.

Speaker 3 Oh, God.

Speaker 4 So now he does call his military buddy.

Speaker 3 Question. I have an important question for you guys.
This is the first of what I strongly believe in my heart is a series of AI that they had do acting. I'm not even joking.
I think they had voice.

Speaker 3 Eli, you're more familiar with this stuff.

Speaker 3 The chatbots that can do voice now, I'm pretty certain that's every single phone call. And it may have even been the first one.
I don't know. But like, this voice, it's expressionless.

Speaker 3 It's completely lifeless. And in a way that's even more noticeable relative to the rights.
Like, that's how bad. It's an AI that was trained on the Wright family movie.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 And it just was like, I can't exist. Like, somehow that's like.
hollowness squared. I don't even know how to do that.

Speaker 4 No, so I, from, from my previous exposure to the Wright family films, that's David Wright doing a voice.

Speaker 3 And since

Speaker 4 David Wright, there's no, I'm playing this.

Speaker 3 There's no.

Speaker 4 Jump up on Amazon. Jump on Amazon, Thomas.
We have the answers.

Speaker 3 Apparently the lady that my father bought the house from went missing. Give me the name.
All I have is the name Edwards. Do you have a social? Look, I wouldn't ask for help if it wasn't important.

Speaker 3 Give me until tonight. I'll have something for you.
That's just an AI. That's not a research.
Check it out.

Speaker 4 Get on Amazon. Lydia, I know you've already done the research on this.

Speaker 3 Oh, no, not on this

Speaker 3 donkeys and rocks

Speaker 3 okay that one

Speaker 3 the next one is an author okay oh now it's james james there each of their names is alliterative i think it's i think it's a clue because that was greg dorham yeah and then later the author that they call which is even more ai i have to play that one it's hilarious murdo morrison

Speaker 3 Murdo Morrison. Are you telling me these are real people, Eli? Is that your theory?

Speaker 4 No, I'm telling you, it's him doing a voice.

Speaker 3 Why? But no, it's AI. It's fucking AI.
I know it. Why would they have him? Why would they put a different person in the cat? This is from the IMDb.
I'm doing the thing you said. Murdo Morrison.

Speaker 4 I'm saying Murdo Morrison is a fake person they made up to cover their AI.

Speaker 3 He's an AI actor that they put. It may be the name of the AI personality.
Okay, we'll get to it and play that one. And we'll see.
We'll see.

Speaker 4 Anyways, it's time for the girls to get scared again because it's an odd-numbered scene. This time, they just get scared by the lights flicking on and off.

Speaker 4 And the only reason I mention this is because the girl, like after that happens, flicks the lights on and off, and it's identical to what has just happened.

Speaker 4 And she doesn't go, oh, I guess the ghost just flicked the lights on and off.

Speaker 3 By the way, he called his hot shot detective buddy and said, first name, essentially, first name Mrs. Last name Edwards.
Yeah. And he's like, give me an hour.

Speaker 3 Okay, sure. Yeah.
And then he's got, so then he's been referred to an author that we're to believe he's talking to? Yeah. Apparently.
And here, I'm going to play this AI, definitely AI for you.

Speaker 3 I found your phone number in my father's journal and your book in his library.

Speaker 5 Your father did reach out to me about some activity he was having.

Speaker 5 I gave him a list of things that I thought would help him. But we were both coming up short on ideas.

Speaker 3 It's crashing through walls. It's turning lights on and off.
It's turning showers on.

Speaker 5 I've never experienced or heard of this powerful of an entity. The last time we spoke, I had him get rid of some potential trigger objects.
I never heard from him again.

Speaker 3 That's because he recently died of a heart attack.

Speaker 5 We can explore the trigger object prospect again.

Speaker 3 No reaction.

Speaker 4 Okay, Thomas, I'm not.

Speaker 3 That's AI.

Speaker 4 I have done that to multiple people at atheist conventions

Speaker 4 where someone's been like, my dad got eaten by bears last week. And I've been like, yeah, man.
So did you want a bumper sticker or not?

Speaker 3 I think I missed that entire thing because I was just looking at the fact that Chicka Chicka Boom Boom was up. Oh, yeah, I want to see it.
That's a good one. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Also, Wacky Wednesday and the Lorax. Yeah.
And the Lorax. I was surprised to see the Lorax.
Yeah. How many kids was his grandpa Harvard?

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Why is it there? The kids say they never saw their grandpa, but

Speaker 3 great book. More crimes uncovered.
Anyway.

Speaker 3 All right.

Speaker 4 So now it's time for some more ominous donkeys, and they're going to get some more information from Abby.

Speaker 3 I really picked up on Abby saying that most of the time she's working and it leaves her alone. So, like, the ghost is really into capitalism and, you know,

Speaker 4 profiting off of maybe the ghost podcast too much.

Speaker 3 But then I take a bathroom break and it starts haunting me again. So I just start peeing in bottles.

Speaker 4 Lydia, does the ghost podcast too much?

Speaker 3 Is there something you want to tell the ghost?

Speaker 4 All right. So now it's time for dad to get a call from his military guy.
In spite of the fact that he had Mrs. Edwards as his only clue,

Speaker 4 he does, in fact, have information for him

Speaker 3 from the FBI.

Speaker 4 Yeah. Missing person case.

Speaker 3 We find out it's an FBI. Yeah.

Speaker 4 And fingerprint identification. And Abby reported her missing.

Speaker 3 Okay. Can we talk about the fingerprint identification? Because

Speaker 3 this guy has a huge poster for fingerprinting, way bigger than the donkey painting. So I feel like he really loves fingerprints.

Speaker 3 That's the indicator, right? How much you like something. I love how you say this guy.
There is no guy. Oh, yeah, it's just a wig.
It's just a wall. Yeah, they just filmed a wall.

Speaker 4 It's David Wright in a wig.

Speaker 3 I'm telling you. It's such a bad wig, too.

Speaker 3 But the camera focuses solely on the wall instead of whatever the scene's supposed to be because they know they don't have another person. Right.

Speaker 3 And it it might be him in a wig sure but like that it's hilarious to me they show like the fbi seal oh okay so we must be in mr fbi's house or something like what yes what are we talking about yeah there might as well be an address plate outside that says the fbi wherever they are virginia question mark i'm looking at the frame right now it has three inches of gray hair that might be a wig and that's as much as you see of the person talking in the whole scene you just see okay but the room doesn't own the the fingerprinting poster.

Speaker 3 The guy does. No, but I know it's just that this is their way of making it seem like they have another character when really it's just Murdo Morrison or whatever.

Speaker 4 Murdo Morrison, one of David's many aliases.

Speaker 3 Okay. Oh, my, I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry, Eli. This is breaking news.
This is very important. Please.
I have frozen frame on the, I almost want to send you a screenshot. I frozen frame on the FBI.

Speaker 3 scene and i we were talking about how the stuff is on the walls just to make it seem like there's another character and there's not They have gone to either, like, you know, those websites that'll frame stuff for you, but it's super cheap and shitty looking?

Speaker 3 They have framed an internet printed picture that says UCR, Federal Bureau of Investigation, Uniform Crime Reporting.

Speaker 3 And they just like printed that as though someone who works at the FBI would like frame that and hang it on their wall like it's a picture of it.

Speaker 4 Like it's a fucking diploma.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it is. It is exactly like that.
Then there's the fingerprint.

Speaker 3 And then I noticed to the left, still in frame is a poster with a horse on it meaning they're still in the barn and they didn't pan enough

Speaker 3 to get out of the thing i swear to god there's like a donkey poster that's it just out of frame it's so good god i love these people i love can you tell them i love them if you hey please hey they know thomas hey thomas they know they listen to every word of the i can't promise you much they listen to every word of these podcasts and they know that we love them.

Speaker 4 They also know it because they now have $600 worth of Patreon

Speaker 4 that they didn't have before a week before this podcast. So, yeah.

Speaker 4 Okay. So now it's time to talk to Abby about her dark backstory.

Speaker 4 There's this great moment, right, where they're trying to set it up in the dialogue, and the girls are like, Do you want to know anything about us? And she's like, no.

Speaker 3 And they're like, cool.

Speaker 4 All right. Do you have a dark backstory?

Speaker 3 And she does.

Speaker 4 Her mother didn't want her, so she dumped her in the foster care system. She found her grandmother.

Speaker 4 yeah and then her grandmother knew the guy who owned the farm grandpa and that's how she ended up working here this is inexplicable by the time we get to the end i have to have lydia

Speaker 3 is really tough yeah i there's a hole in my brain where there's supposed to be anything about family so i'll often ask my wife like hey how am i related to this person she'll explain like my own family treat it's your son and

Speaker 3 exactly and so i need at the end i need lydia to to tell me the fucking unwrap the tail. It gets weirder.
Just the last thing.

Speaker 4 It does get, in fact, weirder. It does.
And one other thing I want to point out about this scene because I loved it so much.

Speaker 4 She's doing this very heavy exposition, which will not matter to the movie at all. But while she does it, one of the donkeys noses in between them and is like, hey, are we expositing?

Speaker 4 I want to do something.

Speaker 3 My name's Greg.

Speaker 3 Hi.

Speaker 4 Oh, no, we're just doing her.

Speaker 3 Okay, I guess you can cut the camera man.

Speaker 3 Another donkey with like an FBI uniform walks in. Oh, my.

Speaker 3 Sorry.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it was. It might have been earlier, but at some point, my favorite bit of the donkey propaganda is the little girl says, Wow, people never show how donkeys really are.
They're so cute.

Speaker 4 So cute and so worth wrestling.

Speaker 3 Rescuing. Patreon.com/slash donkey.

Speaker 3 Donkey Rescue.

Speaker 3 Opening arguments. Opening arguments.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 4 Now, and I cannot explain this enough. You know how the lights have been flickering because of ghosts and the things have been broken because of ghosts?

Speaker 4 Now we're going to just have a scene that's a misunderstanding where he calls up the stairs.

Speaker 4 He's like, girls, I'm going to turn the power out, but they're not listening because they're on their headphones. So they're like, uh-oh, do you think that was the ghost?

Speaker 4 And then he turns the power back on and they're like, never mind, the power's back on.

Speaker 3 Here's the best part. He says, I'm going to cut the power.
He goes and turns off the power and then leaves.

Speaker 3 And then sometime later, he turns it back on with no explanation for why he ever turned it off to begin. There's zero reason.
He carries like a fence at one point that doesn't end up.

Speaker 3 He says it as though this is a thing that you do from time to time. Oh, I'm just going to go down to the basement and cut the power to the house.

Speaker 4 I bet David Wright does that to prepare them for an EMP attack every so often. He's like, sorry, girls, EMP day.
And they're like, oh, for sure.

Speaker 3 He's testing a Faraday cage about something. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I guess, or maybe we missed an AI phone call where they're like, have you tried turning the house off and back on?

Speaker 3 Did it get rid of it?

Speaker 3 Yeah, that would have been.

Speaker 4 Is there no reason electricity would be there even when I'm not turning it on?

Speaker 3 There is no, no explanation for this. Like they just did a, I'm cutting the power off.
Yeah. That's it.
Does that happen to you from time to time?

Speaker 4 Thomas, you're the one who's supposed to be our source of poor things that happen on a phone.

Speaker 3 No, you don't have that either. Exactly.
Sorry.

Speaker 4 This happened to me and Heath in Suburbania.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Did your dad just say

Speaker 3 in the royal castle she's dismember from? Relax.

Speaker 3 This is nothing. It's so incredible.
Why do you, absolutely correct?

Speaker 3 The scene was absolutely nothing. Nothing happened.
There was no reason for it. I think just David and Ashley couldn't get the kids off their iPads to do the movie that day.

Speaker 3 I think that means we all get a quick break for a little screen time. But first, let me give Act Three the hard sell.
Will we learn how to rebuke a demon correctly?

Speaker 3 Will it be very technical and rule-based? Will it come from what appears to be an IKEA man?

Speaker 3 Find out the answer to these questions more when we return for the Christian right conclusion of Hillick Haunting.

Speaker 3 Hey, Abby, can I talk to you for a second? Sure.

Speaker 3 What do you need?

Speaker 3 Hey, can you stop scraping your sickle against the wall for a second? Is it bothering you? Yes.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 3 Right. So my girls mentioned you might know something about this ghost.
Hmm. What do you want to know?

Speaker 3 All the pertinent information you have about the ghost. You don't want to ask me questions? Nope.
No, it's not like a riddle situation. If you could just give me...

Speaker 3 all the information you have about the ghost now.

Speaker 3 Feels like that would be a lot.

Speaker 3 Okay, well, I'm glad to hear it's a lot.

Speaker 3 But just sort of as a general rule, if you have demon information about the workplace, that's kind of, yeah, it's kind of a self-report situation, like entirely.

Speaker 3 Got it. Got it.
So if I've been talking to the skull to make a bargain for your lie. I would love to know about that.
Yes. Got it.

Speaker 3 Have you been talking to the skull? Yep. Great.
Good to know.

Speaker 3 And we're back. When we left off, dad replaced a fuse and

Speaker 3 no, probably not. He did something.
You just turned off the power and then turned it back on. That's all I did.
Turn it back on.

Speaker 3 I love you trying to sanitize this insanity, but that's not what happened. I'm trying to help him out.
But either way, a demon ran away foiled from something. Yep.

Speaker 3 And now we cut to Abby sitting at her evil altar in the woods with a skull and candles that she made.

Speaker 3 And I love this. She's trying to negotiate like a hostage deal with the demon.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 She's like, look, I know you're scared of my super cool sickle, so I'll bury my sickle if you leave this family alone.

Speaker 3 Huh? I wanted the demon to be like, I'm a, I don't make deals. I'm a demon.
I just do whatever. You're breaking my bones, Abby.
You're breaking my bones.

Speaker 3 Yeah, like the demon's actually a keen negotiator. Ooh, I don't know.
It costs. I've seen my friend over at the

Speaker 3 house next hill over, two sickles. And then the guy, the idiot,

Speaker 3 the main dude, spies on her and trips on his way up. Oh, this is almost my best word.
Absolutely trips for no reason.

Speaker 3 And I was like, oh, my brain, that's a logical person who's a human who's been in the world and seen movies is like, ah, that's him tripping the sound. We'll give him away.
Exactly.

Speaker 3 And then Abby will look over and say, hey, nope, he just trips.

Speaker 3 Is that the sound of crackling tripping by a human?

Speaker 3 No, he just trips, cut, nothing, it didn't matter. The end.
It's the best. And the wife was like, I'm keeping it in there.
He has to pretend. It's in the script that he likes trips.

Speaker 3 So he has to act out tripping.

Speaker 4 And it goes so badly that he really trips.

Speaker 3 That he hates himself. Thank you.

Speaker 4 That's what I was going to say. We get to watch him go from the bad fake trip to the real trip where he's like, oh, help me, Jesus.

Speaker 4 So now we get a scene where the girls are dressed like Rambo for for some reason.

Speaker 3 Well, he takes the skull as well.

Speaker 3 Oh, yes, yes.

Speaker 4 He takes the skull. And now we get the scene where the girls are dressed like Rambo and they do slam poetry about the ghosts into the notes.

Speaker 4 This is also where we get our only donkey warning, right? They're sitting there and the donkey goes like,

Speaker 4 and they're like, yeah, that's the

Speaker 4 donkey alarm.

Speaker 3 I've been also. really confused with the transitions between scenes.
Oh, that's right. And like daytime, nighttime.
Like, I can't keep track of any of it. It's nighttime all of a sudden now.

Speaker 3 Are they back in the basement at this point?

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Dad's testing the Faraday cage again.

Speaker 3 We don't know if he ever turned the lights back on. One thing I've kept wanting to throw in somewhere was that it's been a mystery this whole movie why the 87-year-old man died.

Speaker 3 They're like, he can't have just died of a heart attack.

Speaker 3 He couldn't have just died of a heart attack as an 87-year-old man. There's no way.
And so I think in this scene, they're like,

Speaker 3 this explains it. You're like, you didn't need to explain anything.
He was 100 years old. He died.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 But this is an Ashley Wright film, my friends, which means it is time for Ashley

Speaker 3 Wright to step in.

Speaker 4 She's going to be our Christian psychic.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 4 And I will remind you that, again, all of the Wright family films operate on two levels. One, it is a chance to order takeout.

Speaker 4 Two, it is her and David's sexual role play and the tension in the air is.

Speaker 3 Oh my God, Eli, my note said weirdest porno setup ever. Cause like I got that vibe.
I really, really did. I was like, I feel like I need to leave.
For sure. You guys need a moment.

Speaker 3 I don't speak robots, so I'm not picking up on any of this quote unquote tension because listen to this quote. Ever since my wife died, I've just been a loaner.
How much do you charge?

Speaker 3 And she says, I don't charge people for a gift that was given to me for free. Thank you.
What's that gift, Ashley? Yeah. We're going to find out.
She's got that aloof sexual energy. Yeah.
Right.

Speaker 3 Brown chicken, brown cow. Yeah.
Yeah. He was really trying to do like, I don't know how I'm going to pay for this weird Christian psychic reading.
Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 4 He can't afford the psychic pizza.

Speaker 3 Which they did order. Yeah.

Speaker 4 This is all coming together. Yeah.

Speaker 3 So that skull that they use as a prop, they fucked the shit out of that skull right after the copy. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 4 200%.

Speaker 3 That is a sticky prop.

Speaker 4 That had all its teeth before the shooting and did not at the end.

Speaker 3 The candles were actually a cover. They're like, oh, we'll just say it's white candle wax.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Come everywhere.

Speaker 3 Yes, that is what I was saying.

Speaker 3 Do you mean come? Yes. Do you mean come? I mean ejaculate.
Yes.

Speaker 3 Come was the thing that was. You're welcome.

Speaker 4 Opening argument.

Speaker 3 All right.

Speaker 4 So the next morning, Abby's doing her part. She's digging a hole and putting the scythe inside.
Come on.

Speaker 3 In one inch of sand

Speaker 3 where's the sand coming from sand it's like a kid's play box area and like a single rain is going to wash that right off and lydia i'm not sure about this but the size of the sand in terms of its coarseness is inappropriate to bury a scythe i agree i 100 agree

Speaker 3 with your research how was that sand doing in a commercial environment based on the terrain there's no way that's the sand could have occurred naturally

Speaker 3 so then she goes back to find the skull to tell him that she's done her part of the deal but someone has taken it so long also she's like yeah coming back in the forest she says i'm coming sorry it took me so long and i was like same girl getting old i get it so i had to dig nearly an inch of sand that took almost 13 seconds i like the idea but this implies that like in the past when she's done things for the skull she's gotten back and the demon that inhabits it has been snippy Yeah.

Speaker 4 It's been like, oh, 20 minutes.

Speaker 3 Oh, nice to see you. It's not as though time passes way slower here in the spirit realm.
It's been a thousand years for me. That's cool.
That's cool.

Speaker 4 I was just talking to Satan. He's nicer than you.
No big deal.

Speaker 3 Whatever.

Speaker 3 And then we get the example of the cuts that are so bad here that they literally cut it such that it looks like Abby is spying on herself.

Speaker 3 They cut, they show her walking through the forest and they quick cut to her crouching. So it's like, is she watching herself walk out?

Speaker 4 She watches the watch. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Ah, I know who stole the skull. It was me.
What? Yes.

Speaker 4 But then it's the girls, and she sort of confronts. She's like, hey, did you guys find anything? And they're like, no.
And she's like, just for the record, no stealing skulls. And they're like,

Speaker 3 okay.

Speaker 3 All right. Goodbye.

Speaker 3 So good.

Speaker 4 All right. So David is now going to fix the hole that the ghost punched in the wall.

Speaker 3 But what? What is

Speaker 3 he finds

Speaker 3 another small book? I all too will reach into a wall of an old place while I'm repairing it without gloves. I'll just reach down in there.
Just get in there. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 And this is where he finds his dad's secret.

Speaker 3 Somebody, please explain how this got here. Okay.

Speaker 4 So.

Speaker 3 Nope, you can't do it. It's impossible.

Speaker 3 he knew he was about to have a heart attack and put it in the wall no i think he hit it a long time ago yeah okay but why i don't know because he's ashamed of having sex with so he needs to keep the journal but not get rid of it but also put it in a wall where and then drywall over it well i guess it's evidence that he knows a murder occurred so then nothing just throw it away i don't don't write it i think don't write it

Speaker 3 write it then don't write down your murders It is a pretty good policy. I'm not trying to help out murderers here, but that seems

Speaker 3 the move.

Speaker 4 Don't. So now David is filling Ashley the psychic in on the plot of the movie so far.

Speaker 4 She's telling him that the ghost is an old woman, which again, we already knew based on the rest of the movie, but he's really blown away by that. He's like, how can you see her clothes?

Speaker 4 And I wrote in my notes, she's a psychic, but this is where she explains that he's a psychic shield. I wrote in my notes at this point.

Speaker 4 This is nine-year-olds playing with Ghostbusters Toys level of stupid.

Speaker 3 I also love it, though, because it's so on brand.

Speaker 3 Cause it's almost, she's, she's almost saying, like, you know how you aren't open to knowing anything about anyone else's thoughts or feelings and you just go about the light of the world as a man, not caring about any of that stuff.

Speaker 3 Yeah, you're a shield. You're a shield.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Okay. You know how you're not generous about the skull sometimes? Also,

Speaker 3 it's my turn.

Speaker 4 Some people need more time with the skull than you, David.

Speaker 4 This is also where we get the first hint of Christianity. Yes, this is a Christian Christian movie.

Speaker 3 It is. This is where she says, I'm not God.

Speaker 4 I don't know everything.

Speaker 3 Yeah, this is also as he's like sharing this information.

Speaker 3 One of the most confusing things, right, from this journal that was in the wall that I don't think we talked about was that the old woman that he was in love with named Martha and Martha's daughter, Abby, who he also loved.

Speaker 3 But not, but not Abby that we know.

Speaker 3 We don't know that yet, though. But we don't know that yet.

Speaker 3 Exactly. So he loved Martha and Abby, and then he got Abby pregnant.
He also liked Abba the band, but that's

Speaker 3 yeah,

Speaker 3 he also wrote, like, while I'm here writing a wall journal, I tell you what, there's not enough dark secrets to fill the whole wall journal, so I'm also gonna write some like casual stuff in there, too.

Speaker 3 I don't think the godfather movies are that good, everyone's always ranting. Oh,

Speaker 3 it was, I farted in the elevator the other day, and I didn't tell anyone, but that's I mean, this goes in the wall, too. I don't finish to gay porn, but I watch it,

Speaker 3 And yeah, and for us, Heath, you're right. Like, we don't know.
We don't know that it's a different Abbey at this point. Thank God it is.
So confusing.

Speaker 3 But so he's explaining it to Ashley in this scene, and he says, no, not this Abbey, the other Abbey. I know it's

Speaker 3 like, yeah, I love it. I don't know why we need to be able to do it.
It seems like we could have written it differently.

Speaker 3 Like, why did we do that? Okay, I think what happened was the wife obviously came up with this and he was not happy with the script direction. So

Speaker 3 I know it's confusing, but okay, so they're both named Abby. They're both named Abby, and I actually, it was my turn with the skull, is also in the script now.
Go fuck yourself.

Speaker 3 I think it's supposed to be a misdirect, like maybe Abby's a ghost the whole time. I don't know, and then the but the grandpa impregnated her, yeah.
The grandpa, you have to explain.

Speaker 3 We're not even there yet, hunt, but you do have to explain whatever this family dynamic is because it just got more confusing.

Speaker 3 But also, this is where we learn that the woman who made this movie, uh, meth head Miley Cyrus, Ashley Hays, right? Yeah, there's rules. We get like a T3BE, but for ghosts.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3 She's like, the spirits have rules. The dad is like, cannot believe that these spirits don't respect his property rights.
Yeah. Like he's literally like, but it's my property.

Speaker 3 I'm a Fremen on the land.

Speaker 3 According to the Constitution. I own this property and this ghost, it's the funniest dialogue.
I was traveling. Yeah.

Speaker 3 She explains that like, you took ownership of the evil land and that counts now as you are in charge of dealing with the demon. They 100% will try to sovereign citizen these ghosts later.

Speaker 3 It's amazing. They actually will do that.
And we also get my favorite line of the movie where she's explaining all that. And then she says, Yeah, so the spirit realm operates on rules.
Yeah. Kind of.

Speaker 3 That's the entire line.

Speaker 3 I love it. She's like, I went to spirit law school for like four years.
I know what I'm talking about. Don't argue anymore.

Speaker 3 I studied a lot to be able to do this job. Yeah.

Speaker 4 So now they know. So again, what she clarifies in this scene after the rules is that there is an old lady ghost, as we talked about, but there is also a demon.
Yep. Yep.

Speaker 4 And the demon is the one causing the trouble at night. Yeah.
The ghost is honestly just giving us like clues as to the plot of the movie.

Speaker 3 But is also the one who killed the. the grandpa because yeah the demon is an additional thing that has come because she says someone has been have you been talking to the dead?

Speaker 3 And he's like, no, we, we know this house, my rules, my house, my rules. We don't talk to like, he's certain that no one here has talked to the dead.

Speaker 3 But the trick is, oh, but it's been Abby talking to the skull. And so that addition, the rules say,

Speaker 3 the bylaws say that a dog can't. And there's no rule that says a dog can't talk to you as well.

Speaker 3 And also.

Speaker 4 A demon can't haunt an old lady.

Speaker 3 Yep.

Speaker 3 If you talk to skulls long enough, then a demon in addition to the ghost will come and they have a little turf battle over it yeah and and the demon is a turf actually it's yeah yeah and it would depend if that shrine

Speaker 3 is so much higher inside the property line or outside the property line yeah

Speaker 3 no he literally says everyone knows not to contact the dead yeah yeah i'm like i didn't know i

Speaker 3 might have not known that how little i know yeah so now it's time for him to confront abby about it right okay small detail he's wearing a non-camouflage t-shirt for the first time I've ever seen.

Speaker 3 He's always.

Speaker 4 It's a Blue Lives Matter t-shirt, everybody.

Speaker 3 But he's literally always wearing camo and an American flag on every piece of clothing he ever has.

Speaker 3 But this time, there's no camo, but it's a t-shirt for a camo company called Realtree. Hell yeah.
Yes. It's what he wears when he works in the office at the camo.

Speaker 3 Peward to their wedding.

Speaker 4 But this is where Abby gives it away.

Speaker 4 The dad didn't turn into the skull. He kept it in the woods like a pet or something and would tell the skull he loved it.

Speaker 3 Yeah. I guess.

Speaker 4 I wrote in my notes, did you notice him ever putting a mouth guard on the skull?

Speaker 3 This is important.

Speaker 4 Then we have another scene. Ghost flicks some lights, bothers the girls again.
The next day.

Speaker 4 Psychic Ashley, it's time to get down to Jesus business.

Speaker 4 Yeah, because Ashley wants to know if he's Christian, because the only way to defeat the devil is with Jesus, extra Jesus.

Speaker 4 So, the whole point of this scene is that if you want to get rid of a demon, you can't just be normal Christian. You have to be all the way Christian.

Speaker 3 Yeah, you got to pledge to our donkey Patreon. And you have to traumatize your child.

Speaker 4 Yeah. Halfway through the scene, they're basically like, you can't be Christian enough.
Your daughter's going to do it.

Speaker 4 And so the next scene, she's preparing the daughter. And I just have to point out that she is like super duper reading from the script in this scene.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah, they do this scene. They're both looking for, or actually the mom can't look at the kid.
The mom is looking a different direction. Yeah.
And it's like they're riding a bus or something.

Speaker 3 Like they're sitting next to each other. She's looking a different direction.
The kid's actually making actual human contact a little bit and is doing the scene to the back of her head. Yeah.

Speaker 3 But why, but why?

Speaker 4 Because she's reading. She's reading.

Speaker 3 She's reading from like she's like, okay, anti-demon flowchart. If that doesn't work, then hold on.
Just let me flip ahead.

Speaker 4 And the point of this pep talk seems to be like, you're not trapped in here with the ghost.

Speaker 3 The ghost is trapped in here with you.

Speaker 4 So now it's time to kick some demon ass.

Speaker 3 Gold fringe on the sheet. There we go.
Yes, baby. It is.

Speaker 3 They are going to. Sovereign citizen this ghost out of here.
I'm not joking in the least. No.
It makes sense why these idiots become sovereign citizens.

Speaker 3 They really think there's these weird rules about the ghosts and about the law. It's the same thing.
It's amazing.

Speaker 3 So apparently in in this one and actually in a lot of exorcism movies the rule is you tell the demon the rules out loud and then and then it has to look like ah

Speaker 3 you got me clause 18 subsection b i do have to technically

Speaker 3 get me yeah the power of christ does compel me now god now but yeah she yells jesus you know subsection b and the uh the rules over all even you but yeah she's like i'm calling your manager his name is jesus Christ yeah but it still doesn't work and then she remembers and I swear to God I'm not making this up oh my god oh yeah I need to give him a time limit because he's Arlo and he needs transition heads up

Speaker 3 she's actually like I'm gonna count to three

Speaker 3 and then no more demoning here and she does the like two and a half he needs specificity

Speaker 4 yeah she literally says I have to give it a time give it a time limit yeah I really wanted her to do the Miss Rachel thing I have to do for my son of five minutes left

Speaker 3 she does do that and she picks a minute which i'm like oh okay just pick a second why did you even do a minute exactly seems weird and then it works she just had to gold fringe on the flag time limit And then the ghost put down the switch and ate its fucking dinner like we have on the

Speaker 3 okay, Johan. Now is your time because we get the big final scene.
All right, put it all together.

Speaker 4 Solve this puzzle for us.

Speaker 3 Yeah, where we find out this family tree. I have no idea.
Please, God, tell me what happened here. Okay, first of all, Abby doesn't have any makeup all of a sudden.

Speaker 3 Yeah, all of a sudden, the makeup was part of the demon. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Her outfit's totally different. She's wearing like flannel now.
Yeah, I don't know what's going on. They should have had scenes earlier in where people were like, oh, nice makeup.

Speaker 3 She's like, what makeup? I know. Yeah.
Yeah. I don't know what she's talking about.
Where is just the demon in the whole thing?

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 So, grandpa was a weirdo creep and he was really into Martha and Martha's daughter, Abby, not our Abby, different Abby.

Speaker 4 A Woody Allen. He was doing a Woody Allen.

Speaker 3 Doing a Woody Allen. Exactly.
Exactly.

Speaker 3 And he decided to, he ended up getting Abby pregnant, but like was in love with Martha. Okay.
Abby was not. probably not into that he was in love with Martha.

Speaker 3 So she killed her mom, Martha, gave birth to her daughter, who she named Abby for some reason. And then Abby, the one that we know, was given up for adoption by Abby, the murderer.

Speaker 3 Given up for adoption, and she's sisters with David, which means that she's the girl's aunt. Yes.
And her mom and the grandma are both gone. They're both dead.

Speaker 3 Did anyone understand that? Yeah, I got it.

Speaker 3 I agree with you.

Speaker 3 That is the truth.

Speaker 4 It's a Woody Allen because I think we can all agree. And look, I'm going to say something brave here.
I think we can agree that the monster of this movie turned out to be monogamy.

Speaker 4 Am I right?

Speaker 4 Maybe Martha and Abby could have worked it out.

Speaker 3 But also, how do the ages work out? I don't understand how the

Speaker 3 87-year-old dude, I get that you can make babies as a dude for a long time, but how old were these women? Yeah, no, it's very uncomfortable.

Speaker 3 What was also uncomfortable for me was how long that hug was. Oh, yeah, at the end.

Speaker 3 They do a weird hug that's like, man, the body language is like it's a kiss, but it's a hug. Yeah.
But for 30 seconds. Yeah.
And they don't move.

Speaker 4 And then she pulls out a side and she's like, look, I found a side.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 And then cut. End of movie.
That's the end of the movie. End of movie.

Speaker 3 I think

Speaker 3 they're setting up a sequel where like Abby's back is a demon all of a sudden.

Speaker 4 I believe in them. They can do it.

Speaker 3 So lazy.

Speaker 4 Okay.

Speaker 3 So the demon that got rebuked in your head, does this demon just like poof out in a snit because like they got told the rules?

Speaker 3 And then they're like in the demon realm being like, yeah, counted to three. I had to go.
Again, I got fucked on that again.

Speaker 3 Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 3 They're having demon coffee. Like, yeah, I know it's happened to the best of us.
What about the ghost, though? Did the ghost also have to go? Or what? No, the ghost is still there. Still there.
Okay.

Speaker 3 The ghost of the ladies, Martha, is just hanging out.

Speaker 4 Just hanging there.

Speaker 3 But still, like, turning lights on and off and turning the shower on. I guess.
I don't. Maybe.
We don't know. We don't know.
Messages in bottles, small books, just fucking around. Okay.

Speaker 3 I think we do need a sequel because we need to know what's going to happen with Martha the Ghost. Okay.
Well, great question. So it's kind of a cliffhanger.

Speaker 3 What do you think happened to Martha the Ghost? And what do you think happened with Abby grabbing that scythe? Was it just like, oh, no, no, I just, I still like this? Or is she a demon now?

Speaker 3 Wait, yeah.

Speaker 3 Does that mean she went to the child sandbox she buried it in?

Speaker 4 I think it was supposed to be like a,

Speaker 4 I was, I was evil all along, Twist. I believe that's what it's supposed to be.

Speaker 3 No, really? What? Really? That's what it felt like. I think so.
Yeah. No.
How? Explain that to me. Oh, yeah, no, I know not explanations to this.
That's just what they wrote. Evil the

Speaker 3 time. No, that's nothing.
Hold on, maybe we'll just play the last 10 seconds just to see.

Speaker 6 You know what? I got good news.

Speaker 3 Look what I found.

Speaker 6 I remember where I buried the scythe.

Speaker 3 Yeah!

Speaker 3 See?

Speaker 3 I remember where I buried the scythe.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it was under like four grains of sand. Right.
How would you not remember where you buried it? I think she's evil. She was tricking him.

Speaker 3 And she sounds like an old-timey gangster in your last answer. Stop.
I'm yesterday.

Speaker 4 How dare you leave?

Speaker 3 I'm here yesterday.

Speaker 3 I don't, I don't. The scythe didn't create the problem.
The skull created the problem.

Speaker 4 Ashley, as a $300 patron, I would like to know

Speaker 3 what the meaning of this last word was. All right.
So I think the message is donkeys are magical anti-demon beings, right? That's like the big

Speaker 3 theme here.

Speaker 4 And in need of rescue.

Speaker 3 All right. We all agree on that.
I think that's going to do it for our review of Hillick Haunting. But that's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we found another terrible movie.

Speaker 3 Eli, what's on deck?

Speaker 3 Well, Heath, a family living in a home in indiana discover strange demonic occurrences that convince them and the community that the house is a portal to hell will be watching the deliverance okay so decidedly not deliverance from 1972 that's no no i figured we would not do that one okay well with that to look forward to we're going to bring episode 479 to a merciful close huge thanks to lydia and thomas for joining us so thank you guys y'all got any cool projects going on anything you want to announce not opening arguments that's

Speaker 3 well we've been having a lot of fun breaking down season two of things fell apart uh john ronson series and yeah undubbedubb a lot of fun and also depressing yeah

Speaker 3 yeah some awful awful reporting done by somebody i previously respected john ronson so if you want to hear that disappointment and also have an existential crisis yeah thomas yeah sure there's spoke

Speaker 3 perfect And of course, a big thanks to our Patreon donors for all the generosity.

Speaker 3 If you'd like to help support the show, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash godawful, and that'll get you early access to an ad-free version of every episode.

Speaker 3 And if you enjoyed the show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, The Scathing Atheist, Citation Needed, Skeptic, and Dnd D Minus, available in all the podcast places.

Speaker 3 If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can email GodAwfulMovies at gmail.com. Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars.

Speaker 3 All other music was written and performed by our audio engineer, Morgan Clark, and was used with permission. Thanks again for for giving us a chunk of your life this week.

Speaker 3 For Lydia, Thomas, and Eli, I'm Heath. Promising to work hard, turn another chunk next week.
Until then, we'll leave you with the Animal House clothes.

Speaker 3 The donkeys, all 14 of them, run away from the Wright Family Rescue because it's not worth it to be unpaid in these movies. Unrescue us now.

Speaker 3 We could start a donkey rescue rescue, don't you? Donkey Rescue Rescue.

Speaker 3 Ashley Wright went on to win Best Director at the 2024 World Premier Los Angeles Film Festival, according to something written on the YouTube file where I was watching this. What?

Speaker 3 What? Yeah. Also, one of the kids won Best Teen Actor for this movie as well.

Speaker 3 If you want to Google that film festival, you can't. I tried.
It doesn't exist anywhere on the internet. Yeah.
They haven't gotten to the internet yet.

Speaker 4 Roll around donkey needs an Instagram so I can send him to Heath on an hourly basis.

Speaker 3 I actually support that one. The Hillock family tree did some major crinkling.

Speaker 4 Still in the closet.

Speaker 3 I am. Yeah, we went back and forth, and then I made the closet slightly better for her.

Speaker 4 I'll tell you what.

Speaker 3 How about instead of having a room, I moved this coat, huh?

Speaker 4 You lucky duck.

Speaker 3 I have have foam on the walls now. Yeah, foam on the walls.
Also, now I can be locked in here.

Speaker 3 Locks from the outside. Yeah, I was going to say:

Speaker 3 if I'm good,

Speaker 3 if she does a good recording, she comes out.

Speaker 3 Put the microphone in the basket.

Speaker 4 If she doesn't, we put Arlo in there with her.

Speaker 3 Oh, man.

Speaker 3 The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle in a Thunderstorm LLC, Copyright 2024. All rights reserved.

Speaker 1 No se que pediris las navidades, porque ya tengo todo lo que de

Speaker 1 McDonald's tragera de regret Macrib, and that is why I can limit it.

Speaker 1 And no one receives a new porque también puedo yadir un refresque en cualquier maño miordo dende macri por sol unos escenta nueve. Vara papa.

Speaker 1 Preso y participación pueden barrier no puede cominars con núno troferto cómo mio.

Speaker 3 Dashing to the store, Dave's looking for a gift. One you can't ignore, run out the socks he picks.
I know I'm putting them back. Hey, Dave, here's a tip.
Put scratchers on your list.

Speaker 3 Oh, scratchers, good idea. It's an easy shopping trip.
We're glad we could assist. Thanks, random singing people.
So be like Dave this holiday and give the gift of play.

Speaker 3 Scratchers from the California lottery. A little play can make your day.

Speaker 4 Please play responsibly.

Speaker 3 Must be 18 years or older to purchase play or claim. Dashing through the store, Dave's looking for a gift.
One you can't ignore, but not the socks he picks. I know, I'm putting them back.

Speaker 3 Hey, Dave, here's a tip. Put scratchers on your list.
Oh, scratchers, good idea. It's an easy shopping trip.
We're glad we could assist. Thanks, random singing people.

Speaker 3 So be like Dave this holiday and give the gift of play. Scratchers from the California lottery.
A little play can make your day.

Speaker 4 Please play responsibly.

Speaker 3 Must be 18 years or older to purchase play or claim.