Meet Your New Therapist, ChatGPT

56m

Howdy morons! Today, Josh and Ben dive into the healing power of a good massage and debate the etiquette of tipping, going fully nude, and the absolute insanity of sketchy massage parlors. We also dish about toxic friendships, the art of setting boundaries, and why some people love to trauma-dump but never take advice. Plus: we answer YOUR SpeakPipes about appropriate baby sitter rates, and drunk driving interventions, and chastity… What are ya nuts?! 


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Transcript

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Mazomorons, I just got a massage the other day that reminded me that I was alive.

Ben,

do you get touched?

Do I get touched?

I love massages.

I know you love massages, but like, does your wife touch you since she's been pregnant?

My wife doesn't.

Interesting.

My wife, I think, like, has never touched me more.

Really?

Yes, she has, and she will be the first person to say this.

She has become, we are, we are so unbelievably attached to the point that i can't leave the house for a minute like not a single minute i went the other night i had a friend's birthday dinner i very rarely leave the house at night he had invited me and like this was not good like by an hour in she was like you have to come home and i came home so yeah no the literally the polar opposite i guess touched is different like hugs and stuff am i getting a back rub of course not what are you nuts like no no no back rubs i give myself a back rub but no like hugs and stuff yeah she she's needed them more than ever is paige the opposite total opposite and it was funny because i don't really ever get massages but when i do and i recently did because i've just been having like crazy tmj and neck pain and whatnot and it was like i think 15 minutes into it where i literally felt like it was like it was like a hand on your shoulder after you lost the big game Yes.

Yes.

A pat on the back.

There is, there's really nothing.

There's nothing in the world better than a good massage.

Nothing.

Nothing at all.

Especially when they incorporate light stretching, Josh.

You know how I feel about light stretching.

Did she do a little light stretching?

She did.

It was of the Thai variety, but it just was like,

it was as though it reminded me that I exist.

I was like, oh, yeah.

Where did she focus?

I always go, they always go any areas of concern and i go neck and shoulders neck and shoulders

neck and shoulders because what i really want to say is can you just give me diggy on my arms yeah but if i if i say that they're you know they look at you askance

it's it's neck you ever do head head is great not not like uh not like asking them to give you head head as if

cut that out no no no you're right because there's so many of these places that like men do that all the time and as i've gotten older it just seems more and more nuts that you would ever let someone do that to you insanity complete insanity did you not read about bill belichick it almost ruined his life not billichek the guy yes not oh no robert craft

yeah yeah okay but bill belich okay but bill belichick just is like dating a 25 year old i'm sure he also goes to the massage parlor okay for those things but yes robert craft what are you nuts like

you're you're going to some random place no i don't trust that at all.

Also, that's like going to an unlicensed chiropractor, Josh.

You're going in there to have some, like, Floozy give you a backup.

What if you come out with your spine's broken?

No?

This is not of concern?

I don't think so.

Okay.

Okay, good to know.

I think there are minds on many other things.

Well, I'm going in there, Josh, and I'm asking for a scalp massage okay what do you think of scalp massages i love i love them nice temples and when they dig in deep over here in the temples it's fantastic sometimes i'll ask for a little sinus rub you know up and down the eyebrows into the bridge of the nose yes you just got to hope that they wash their hands otherwise you can smell their lunch No, for sure.

I like, I basically, I love neck and shoulders.

I love, I love feet and like a little leg rub rub is nice.

But overall, I'm just like very, but like, I've tried to, I don't know why.

Sometimes I'll feel like now that I'm like a married man, I'll be like, in the interest of modesty, I'm going to wear my underwear.

And it's like

you can't, you just can't.

It's ridiculous.

It's ridiculous.

It's actually implying that you think that there's some funny business going on.

The normal thing to do is go in completely naked.

Okay.

Completely naked.

That's normal.

They're not thinking that there's any funny business going on honestly if the police tells you to keep your underwear on funny business yeah it's yeah okay dirty bird dirty burning clock that means that they have patrons coming in there that are wanting the wrong things you go into a nice place they expect you to be completely naked and that way you're you're most flexible that way they don't have to it's much more awkward if they slightly tug down your underwear to reach the top of your ass like no

just just rub rub lower back it's totally normal.

That's so interesting.

Yeah, I will say, now, what's your, I'm at $20 for an hour.

And then

if it's in 90 minutes, I'll do $40 tipping.

Oh, tipping.

Oh, tipping.

I was like, where are you going?

And I only get massaged in Bali, Indonesia.

I just got Shiatsu in Jakarta.

So where do you go?

My place, $20 an hour.

I'm like,

is she like the meth head on the street?

I get it at the mall right next to the Claire's.

Yeah, tipping.

Okay, yes.

20 for an hour, 30 for 90.

That's good.

I typically do it kind of like I'm at a, at a restaurant.

Maybe it's too much, but like I'll typically give 20%.

So like if it's like a cheaper, if it's like a $100 massage, I'll give 20.

I get really screwed when it's like one of those expensive ones where it's like $300 or something, which I very rarely do.

They're not, I used to think that they were better.

They're just not.

I found this place, Josh, the next time you're in the city, Fifth Avenue Spa.

It's on, it sounds fancy, but it's not.

57th between Madison and Fifth.

It's like the fourth floor of a building.

It's $135 for an hour, but this place is class, but there's no frills.

There's no steam room.

There's no sauna.

There's no pool.

There's no nothing.

But I don't want that.

Like, I just want to go in there and get a good rub.

If I need to use the cold plunge, the facilities, I go to live method.

But no, I'm not paying for that.

It's not like a gym membership, you know?

Totally.

And if it is $300, to your point, it's not because it's not for the massage.

It's for everything else.

It's for the schwitz and the steam and the lemon water and the whole thing.

Yeah, which like you do, you need maybe max once a year.

Max, if you want to like have like a nice, relaxing spa day.

But if you're like somebody that likes massages, you're wasting your money going to places like that all the time.

It's just not worth it.

it's just not worth it at all yeah i love them i love them

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Do you ever find that your friends who have more traditional nine to fives ever resent you, not because you don't work incredibly hard, but because you don't have a formal schedule like that?

It's interesting that you say that.

I think that because I had a formal schedule for so long, my friends still feel like I do.

And with Spritz, I definitely work.

I have gaps in the day, like when we'll record or if like I have something, I have more flexibility, but I still structure my day on like a nine to six and I fill in the gaps.

But I, it's pretty, it's pretty, it's as traditional as I can get it.

Do my friends resent it?

Not really.

Sometimes like in the beginning, they didn't get it.

Like I'll tell them, like, oh, I'm, I'm doing, I don't know, I, I, I'm doing something on a Friday and they're like, oh, must be nice.

And I shot that down quick.

I'm like, shut the fuck up.

Okay.

Like, fucking loser must be nice.

Like, no, I'm working like nine times as hard as you just because you work 40 hours a week.

I'm working 24, seven, even if I'm not working.

Like I'm always working.

You're always working.

You're like on a Saturday, like you're always thinking.

Thinking is working.

I think it's, I'm very careful with this because I don't like any, I have a little bit of a pet peeve for anyone who not saying you or I do this, but in general, who they're always busy because they're either always working.

Like my friends who are the most powerful and most successful seem to always have time for the things that matter.

Of course.

And that includes me, right?

And then my friends who are feeling busy and being busy because Instagram told them they should look busy.

Those are the people where I'm like, well, you're extremely busy, but I am not seeing the results.

Yes.

And I often find honestly that it's my least successful friends that always tell me how busy they are.

That's exactly right.

Always, for a fact, no question.

What I meant by my comment before was that like, when you are self-motivated and when you have jobs like we do, you are always on.

Sure.

That's more what I meant.

Not always working.

You always find time for the things that are important, no matter what.

but you're never off.

Like when you work that traditional nine to five, Monday to Friday, you leave leave the office, you're so excited to not check your email until Monday.

I'm so excited to check my email every single time I have my phone.

Like it's a, it's a problem how often I'm on email.

I wake up on a Saturday morning, I check my email because it's, I, I want to.

Like it's not a, it's not like, I don't consider it work.

That, that's more what I meant.

But yes, it's always the person who makes the least amount of money.

That's like, oh man, I'm so busy.

I'm so busy.

I'm like, why?

Stop it.

I just never like, I'm like, I have three kids, five jobs.

And like, and somehow I have all the time.

Like, I just figure it out.

It's, it's also because you don't burden people with your stresses.

There are some people who love to do that.

Like they'll call.

And that's not that you're not an open person.

I think we're both like this.

Like we'll call each other.

And the first thing, I'll say, what's going on?

Your first thing is not to tell me what's wrong, right?

You're, you're, we're, we're just going to have a normal conversation, but there are people you call them and you're like, hey, hey what's going on and they're like oh awful day and they'll go in detail their awful day it's just like dumping on you yeah right and i i don't know i think that that like you become you feel really really busy when you're always stressed i think stress plays a huge role too in it where you're just like always thinking and always you're like you can't get out of your own way does that make sense totally and what do you think about because i've had some issues with friends as of late who bill burr has this great bit of like you get a what am I doing with my life chat with your friends once a year.

You get one of those a year, maybe two.

I'm speaking for myself.

If you're an actor, okay, you get two because it's nuts, stupid business, but it's falling apart, but it's been a bad couple years.

Oh, the Raiders want to strike.

That'll be good.

Right after COVID.

Smart.

I didn't fall apart.

No, it's good.

And then we struck after because we're smart actors fucking who voted for that.

We weren't allowed to not vote for it like the vaccines, but

but you know, like you get one or two of those a year.

And it's not that I don't care about my friends who are like constantly constantly, it seems going through mishagas.

But as an adult, if you are of the neurotic kind, which I certainly am, it is incumbent on you to find healthy ways in which to deal with that privately, which is therapy, which is going to the Schwitz, which might be spirituality, meditation, religion, working out.

There are so many avenues in which there is such a first line of defense to mitigate a lot of that inner turmoil, mishagas.

And then if there's something really going on in your life or there's something that's really lingering, then bring it up with a friend, but don't give them the radioactive fallout.

You know what I mean?

Like clean up as much as you can before you give it to me.

Yeah.

And if you're going to ask for advice, actually want it.

That's right.

Okay.

I've had enough of this because I've had this many a time where somebody comes to me with a problem and I'm a problem solver.

If you're going to come to me with a problem, Josh, I'm going to tell you how to fix it or I'm going to fix it for you.

And you should know that coming to me.

If you're looking for somebody to just have an ear, I'm the wrong person to know that about me.

Know that if you're coming to me to complain, I'm not here to listen to you.

If you're coming to me to complain and you want an actionable solution or you want me to fix your problem, I'll fix your problem and I'll be so excited to do it.

Like so excited to drive you somewhere, to pick something up for you, to help you find a new job, to whatever it may be.

But if it's just an ear, I hate that.

I absolutely hate when somebody comes for advice and they don't want to hear it.

Why'd you come to me?

What are you nuts?

And to what you said before, just because I think it's a general mindset thing with some people, when we had the great Jay Shetty on, which if you haven't listened to that episode, What are you nuts?

It was fantastic.

He spoke about, I'm definitely going to butcher this.

I think it was called the red balloon theory or the red car theory.

It was something like that, where it was the essence was, if you're always fixated on a red car, all that you're going to see is red cars.

And this is a fact.

If you are fixated on all of the problems in your life, all that you'll see is problems in your life.

I guarantee it.

that if you fixate on all of the good things in your life, I don't care how horrible you think your life is, you will see better things in your life and you will consider yourself more fortunate.

It is a fact, no question.

And you're people are going to say, or maybe they, maybe they won't because they listen to us and they love us, but some people would say, oh, it's just because you have a great life.

And it's like, no, I have great perspective on my great life, but if I wanted to wake up every single day and find problems, I could.

What do you think, Olivia?

Do you have that in your life?

Yeah, I have.

I definitely have.

had some friends who I've found have had like more struggle than others.

And, you know, I think for me, I'm always like, I love to be the listening ear.

I'm like, I will sit here and you just tell me and like, we'll talk about it, you know, all night, whatever.

But it's like, you need to, I think the thing about that, though, is like you were saying, there's a window of time where it's like, okay, you need to just get this out and process it, verbalize, what have you.

But after that.

if you're not taking the actionable steps that, you know, we maybe have come to in the conversation, you've come to on your own, whatever it might be, like you have to take those steps because I don't want to keep having the same conversation over and over again.

You know, it's like, you have to take the accountability and I will always be there as a friend to support and encourage and cheer you on.

And I'll be an ear, you know, a listening ear, but you have to be able to like, I can't fix things for you.

You know, you have to be willing to put that work in yourself.

I agree.

And I also think it's funny, I do this with my wife and I do it with my big brother as well, but my wife, especially, where I will say to her, listen, when we are done here, I'm i'm gonna do what you tell me to do but let me make my case

i really do i go let me lay it all out for you the what i'm thinking but no i am gonna do what you say and i find that is a virtue because again i have friends who like will constantly seek my advice and never take it and i'm like

it's it gets

yeah it's like why did you ask me why did you trauma dump on me just so that i could feel bad and not help you like i can't I have the ability to help you so do you want that that's what I mean by that red balloon red car whatever the fuck it is theory it's whatever it is it's like do you want to stay in this cycle of where your life fucking sucks if you're coming to me and I can fix something for you but you don't want it so then don't tell me just enjoy your shitty existence clearly this is something that's important to me because like it it happens it's the worst it's the absolute worst god we were such a deep podcast.

We are.

And just to reiterate, I think as an adult, your job, if you are of the neurotic type, like my wife isn't.

Like she just ain't.

She's not made like that.

She's got her own things, which every human being on this earth has, but she doesn't spin out that much about herself.

She's not self-centered in the extreme the way that I am.

But I will say that like, I have enough.

And by the way, you know how if you really need an ear, like pay a therapist.

They do do sliding scales.

You don't have a lot of money.

You can find a shrink that'll do it for super cheap.

Use chat GPT.

Use chat GPT.

And just dump your problems.

Like, hey, I'm having a bad day.

What's wrong?

Oh, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Oh, you should try this.

That works.

Use Chat GPT.

I agree.

But this is all like, you need a first line of defense that hopefully, unless it's an emergency or something like really out of the ordinary, that isn't a person like in your life.

Your first line of defense needs to be meditating, prayer, workout, support group, therapy.

Like there's so many things.

Wilbutrin, shout out Wilbutrin.

Wilbutrin Xcel, 150 milligrams.

I'm still on my starting dose and it's working great.

Three years in.

Love.

Love it.

That's great.

Love it.

Time release.

But you know what?

Around noon, I go, oh man, you know, I could double up.

Sorry.

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Speaking of time release, Josh, I was just told about a new product.

I don't remember the name, okay, but it's very early stage and we could invest in if we want.

I was just told about this product.

You're ready for this.

Extended release, okay?

Melatonin and caffeine.

You take it before you go to sleep.

It doses you with melatonin for the first six hours.

And then starting in the seventh hour, starts to dose you with caffeine so that when you wake up, you already have a half a cup of coffee in you how genius is that

wow i really have to think about this here think about it think about the power of extended release in things other than a traditional pharmaceutical i was fascinated by it okay let me start thinking about this So what we're talking about is a small sphere within an orb, let's say, within the ring of a melatonin is a caffeine pill inside of it.

Slowly as it degrades in your small intestine, it's being delivered into all your systems.

Here's my thought.

First off,

at what time do you want the melatonin to wear off at six hours?

I would guess that that would still give you a hangover.

I think that

let's say it was less than that.

I don't know the exact amounts.

I just know that it doses you to go to sleep and then it doses you to wake up.

But I don't think you can do that and call it the speed ball.

But I don't think you can do that.

I don't think taking in caffeine while you're sleeping could be anywhere good for your circadian rhythms.

I have no idea.

All I'm saying is that sometimes.

I'm appreciated.

I'm saying sometimes I wake up in the morning and I wish that I had had a shot of espresso already.

How much better do you feel after that shot of espresso?

I mean, you know my ritual in the morning, right?

Yes.

I crack

an ice-cold either prime or Alani, sometimes a Celsius energy drink.

And I

so imagine, Josh, if you cracked it while you were sleeping.

So that when you woke up, you already had the Alani in you.

You woke up with that Alani new feeling.

You've been watching too much of the pit.

You think you're a doctor now.

I am.

I am.

That's crazy.

Speaking of that, you know this guy, Brian Johnson, the biohacker?

Oh, so quickly, you're out.

We're not investing.

No, no, it's very dumb.

Okay, he doesn't want any more information.

Okay, I'll come to you and it's a billion and we missed out and you'll say, fuck.

I know I will.

It's fine.

Okay, we'll pass.

You know I'm not VC Joshi.

We'll pass.

I have a scarcity complex.

No, you're stat.

You're stat statin.

I sat and I steal my in-laws Netflix sloggin

and condoms from the OBG.

I'm nuts.

I think that's why they don't have snacks in the Dear Media kitchen anymore.

They know that I was hooping them.

Oh, did they stop bringing them in?

Yes, Michael and Lauren put down a memorandum.

I felt tack.

Olivia, what the shit is this?

It's so weak in that kitchen.

It's a nightmare.

They look at when you're on the schedule and they hide them.

It's crazy.

Yes, I would bring a small tote, but what?

So what?

It's like I'm at Trader Joe's.

I've got my Canvas bag.

Oh, hello, dear media.

Thank you.

You know, I think one of Lauren's sex toys she has in the lobby.

Oh, good.

This is normal in a lobby.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Give me a mountain water and a vibrator.

Yes.

What?

That is a double standard, right?

Because sex toys, I think we've talked about this.

We have.

Yeah, it's for men, it's just you're a creep.

100%.

Like, why can't I experiment with anal beads on my spare time?

Like, what's wrong with that?

Yes.

If you're a lady, you're adventurous.

If you're us, you know, all of a sudden, you're a weirdo.

You're a weirdo.

Should we get to a story?

Yes.

Okay, well, I can't wait.

You know, in the New York Post, this pillow is designed just for screaming into, but does it relieve stress?

Basically, according to the brand, the shoutlet is like a stress ball, but you yell into it instead of squeezing it.

The idea is that screaming has a lot of benefits for stress relief, and lower stress also means better overall health.

It's an instant mood lifter.

That is, that is what we call a gimmick.

That is,

I think it's like, is there something about the technology in the pillow that maybe it's not as loud?

Like, why can't you scream into a regular pillow?

I don't know.

This is so, hold on.

Hold on.

Let me get, let me, I'm going to shout into the chair and see if you guys can hear it.

Okay.

Do you hear it?

I can hear it.

And you also now have pink eye.

Oh, my God.

Do you know how many people have sat in that chair before you and farted?

Wow.

I just smelled Sheena.

I just got a little wind of Gabby Windy.

Dear media hosts.

Oh, that's really funny.

Yeah, I could hear.

But yeah, I don't.

Also, shouting into a pillow.

I don't.

Shout into a gun.

Have some balls.

be a man

that's good it's excellent

we're not dark enough

Well, people have just learned what a popular condom brand means.

Durex is a company predominantly known for selling condoms and lubricants, launching its first birth control device in the 1950s.

But the popular brand has existed since 1929, with the London Rubber Company registering the business name in that year.

So I guess that Durex actually means or stands for,

okay, people think that Durex might have stood for durable sex or during sex.

But what it really stands for is

the Durex name stands for durability, reliability, and excellence.

Durex.

Love it.

That is the more you know.

How fun is that?

That is fun.

The more you know.

Durex,

what a great, strong company, a great name, and sex.

Well, did you know that my genitals changed while taking a common hair loss drug?

This episode is brought to you by NutriVol.

With Nutrovol, you'll grow a third ball.

Just kidding.

This did not happen from Nutrovol.

We would never, we would never know.

A 28-year-old man has revealed a heroine nine-month struggle with a popular hair loss drug that Ben might or might not be taking, describing the mostly sexual side effects that turned his life upside down.

It did happen from Finasteride.

He knew friends who had been on it for years what's it called though just in case and

what's it called

he got something called post finasteride syndrome a condition in which someone experiences severe side effects after they stop using finasteride oh bullfame

and what happens He said he took one pill a day before he began to experience side effects, most of which were sexual.

So he decided to stop taking the drug.

And in a few weeks, he felt normal again.

And three months later, he experienced a sharp burning pain in his pelvic area, a symptom that intermittently persisted for months before going away.

But so it went away.

It sounds like this guy is looking for things to complain about, okay?

Like you were bald.

You needed to do something about your male pattern baldness because you were ugly and you should stop complaining, okay?

Like, you're fine.

So you have a burning pelvis.

At least your hair looks good.

Wait.

And then he said, all of a sudden, he experienced a crazy high libido.

So he assumed it had just taken six months for the drug to fully flush out of his system.

Then on July 9th, something just turned off.

He said, I was literally impotent for three weeks.

A month later, I started getting crazy insomnia.

For 10 days straight, it was hell.

I was shit scared.

Nuts.

This guy is nuts, okay?

He also experienced severe weight and muscle loss.

His genitals changed and the pelvic pain returned with a vengeance rendering him unable to sit properly

okay is it possible that like this guy is blaming this drug but like he has a real disease like i don't know i don't know what osteoporosis is but it sounds like he could have osteoporosis

yeah

do you know what osteoporosis is josh Yeah, it's your bones losing calcium.

Brittle bones.

It told you.

That's what it sounds like he has well our last story is gen z is bringing back sexy porn fetish but critics warn it's promoting dangerous body trend basically tan lines people are into tan lines

by the way me too me too

they're hot they're hot okay let's let's let's try to reverse engineer why we think they're attractive what do you think ben oh wow that's a great question first and foremost everybody looks better with a tan no question we We don't want to see your marshmallowy skin.

Go to the beach, sit on your terrace, just look at the sun.

Okay, look at the sun.

Get a nice tan.

I think that tan lines, I have no idea, but they're fucking hot, but I don't know why.

Unless I get them.

Then it's like, why does Ben of a farmer's in glasses tan?

But when other people get them, they're hot.

Yeah, like when I get a tan line from my Casio watch and there's just like a nice little tail buckle right here.

I agree.

My, my armchair theory is, is that there's a couple of things.

One, it gives place.

So it's giving vacation, it's giving summer, it's giving lack of inhibition, which I think people pine away for, especially when you get older, of the time when you were like younger and hooking up and having fun and whatnot.

Plus, there's like a vitality to it.

And then there's also this idea of like, oh, wow, like it shows that like you were hiding so little.

Like when you had on your bathing suit, like, wow, there's, it was millimeters away from showing people something that we don't allow.

Perhaps it was that.

Yes.

Perhaps, have you ever, have you ever been to a nude beach?

I told you, I've been to a nude beach in Hawaii once, but I was wearing a bathing suit and I just, they were just like, you can look, just don't stare.

And I was like, cool.

I remember this story.

Yeah, nude beaches are weird.

That said, why are they weird?

It should be normal to want to tan your entire body.

Like if I was a woman, I don't want like just my stomach to be tan, but my tits to be like ghostly white.

I want everything tan.

It should be totally normal.

Agreed.

Agreed.

Saying that said, I don't think you want a burnt nipple.

As a woman, you don't want a burnt nipple.

So you'd have to really apply some really significant hundred-proof sunscreen to your nipples.

Oh my God.

Have you ever boogieboarded in a very salty sea?

It's all.

I have.

Oh, my God.

The chafing awful

awful awful have you ever worn one of those pennies without anything under them when you're playing basketball and you have that rubbing against your nipple awful terrible awful awful i agree i agree have you ever taken dose for a week and your nipples were itchy like

shout out dose

Shout out

this episode of the Good Guys Podcast is brought to you by Robody.

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Should we get to SpeakPipe?

Yeah.

If you want to leave us a message, get some advice, go to speakpipe.com/slash good guys.

Keep it brief.

Brevity is key.

Ask us questions for advice and nothing else.

We don't want to hear it.

This one's from, I don't know.

What the fuck is up, morons?

This is kind of a serious topic, so I'm going to get right into it.

I have a friend.

She tracely loves to drink and drive.

That's her prerogative.

She's hit things while driving.

She does not remember getting home while driving.

It's concerning.

She also has an almost three-year-old child.

And sometimes this child is in the car with her when she has been drinking or is currently drinking while driving.

And I work in a profession where I am a mandated reporter.

And I

struggle with it.

And I

would love to not just report this person, but I would love to have a conversation.

But as two dads, one potentially to be and one currently also a dad, please give me advice.

Is it

do I not say anything because I'm not a mom?

Do I say something because it's required by my?

I don't know what the fuck to do.

Please help

because I'm fucking concerned for her child's safety and her own and others on the road.

And I'm, I, please help.

Wow.

That's fucking crazy.

Josh, I'll let you go first with active children.

Tell us and then I'll go.

Listen, if you're with her at a night when she wants to drive drunk with or without a kid, you take her fucking keys and you throw them in the woods.

Like you put yourself in between her and that vehicle.

It doesn't matter.

Call the police.

Fuck her.

Forget about it.

It's crazy.

It's so nuts.

It's the worst thing one can do.

You put your own life and your kid's life for sure in danger, but then you could put someone else's life in danger too.

Throw her keys, call the police, don't be afraid.

Yeah.

And sit her down.

Like if this is an actual friend, sit her down and tell her that like you need an intervention, just like an intervention with anything else.

Like you need to say, you're a mother and you're endangering your child.

Like it's not, it's not cool at all.

It's not cool whatsoever.

There's nothing cool about this.

You must stop immediately.

Otherwise, we can't be friends.

Part of growing up, I don't know if we've spoken about this, Josh, it's okay to shed friends.

It's okay to look at somebody and maybe you grew up and they never did and their choices no longer reflect the type of people that you want to associate yourself with.

And I'm sorry, I personally, if I had a friend that enjoyed drunk driving with her three-year-old, I would, that would reflect poorly on me.

Like somebody would see her and say, oh, she's friends with Ben.

What must Ben be doing?

Your friends are a reflection of you.

And this person, this is not, this is not a good apple.

This is no good.

Try and reason with them.

Try and have them change course.

Otherwise, don't be friends with them and call the cops or call that person's.

I would assume there's maybe there's a father.

I don't know what the deal is, but a grandparent.

Call someone.

No good.

I don't like that story at all.

And by the way, drinking and driving, unacceptable.

Drinking and eating?

Awesome.

Just

pitch to her.

Be like, like

sober up and then go through a drive-through and stuff your face while you're driving i love driving and eating it's interesting that you bring that up i also love driving and eating but sometimes i feel a little reckless like the other day i was fully driving with a cone i got a vanilla cone

and i was like licking the cone one hand driving the other eating the bottom slurping it out finishing it Like there is an element.

I know it's not illegal, but there's an element because I love love eating and driving, but there's an element of it's dangerous sometimes.

You have to be careful with what you're eating.

Totally agree.

Could not agree more.

Next one's from Anonymous.

Hey, Josh.

Hey, Ben, Braha Shemp.

I am not Jewish, but I have learned that phrase from listening to you guys.

Well done.

I have a babysitter question for you dads.

We had our first non-family member watch our 11-month-old son the other day for a few hours.

And I asked her, what's her hourly rate.

This 15-year-old girl had the audacity to tell me $30 an hour.

Are you kidding me?

What is the going rate these days for a babysitter?

Don't ask next time.

I appreciate the hustle.

I hate when people feel like that.

Like you asked me what my rate was.

I'm not going to tell you that my rate is $10 an hour.

I'm going to tell you that it's 30.

You're then going to tell me I'm only comfortable paying you 15 and we're going to settle on 20.

So honestly, props to the 15 15-year-old for highballing you first because you're going to lowball her after.

And if she goes in with her lowest, she's getting screwed.

If you only wanted to pay her 15 bucks, you should have just said the job is $15 an hour.

Take it or leave it.

Josh?

I agree.

30 is steep.

We have a lovely person who comes and helps out with Shy and then the baby for a couple of hours a week.

And she gets paid almost 30.

And that's because she's like a professional edit and in her 60s and like has decades of experience helping take care of children so yeah and and she gets a nice bonus we take care of her nice nice

you're 15 so a dollar for every year no I'm kidding but like 20 bucks 20 bucks is what I paid for sure but I but I appreciate her like if you ask somebody how much should I pay you what it's totally in her right to throw out a number she'll definitely take 15 though go back to her and if not she's too entitled and too rich to be babysitting.

Okay.

Go find somebody cheaper.

Also, why do you need the 15-year-old?

Can you get somebody that's a little bit more experienced?

I'm sorry.

Like, go and find.

I like what you said, Josh.

A nice 60-year-old woman, a professional, very experienced.

This is right.

I don't want to play roulette with a 15-year-old.

Yes.

Just saying.

I agree.

The 15-year-old, it's, it's, you know.

Yeah.

You never know.

You got to work for cheap, babe.

I did.

I worked for Nickelodeon.

Yeah.

Same.

Next one from Anonymous.

Hey, good guys.

Quick question.

What would you do if you had a friend that always wants to ask you questions about your life and always wants to know your business, but when it comes to their life and their business, they don't want to say anything?

To me, I feel like then you shouldn't ask me because this is not a one-sided friendship, you know?

Or am I crazy?

Have you guys dealt with this?

And if so, how do you deal with this?

It's like becoming new for her.

And I just don't know what to do because I feel like I'm sharing because we've been friends for 20 plus years, but she doesn't share anything.

And I don't know.

What would you guys do?

This is a very unique problem.

I've never heard of somebody that was upset that somebody wasn't sharing enough with or right?

It doesn't it seem backwards?

She's upset that she's upset that her friend won't share, will share too much with her, but not, but she won't share enough with them.

I'm confused by the whole thing.

I've had friends in this scenario who were very tight to the vest with anything personal going on in their life.

And then they would ask me things which would require me to be slightly vulnerable and share with them.

And it didn't feel like a two-way street.

Got it.

I understand.

Okay, so that's what she's saying.

I understand now.

And that person is not your friend.

This is no good.

This person is gathering information on you.

This person is trying to figure out everything.

and then they're going to write a scathing article and they're going to tank you and they're going to get you fired from your job.

And they're going to tell your friends and family all of your deep, dark secrets while you're telling them nothing.

That's right.

Maybe they work for the CIA.

Maybe.

Maybe they're counter-Russian intelligence.

You know what I mean?

I think so.

You're out there

singing all your sad thoughts and they're like, Tell me more.

Interesting.

Don't worry where I'm from.

I told you, I'm from Scranton, PA.

Born and raised.

That's funny.

Oh, that's funny.

Oh, that's funny.

Oh, my God.

That's good.

You know, think about it.

Your best friend is Russian intelligence.

Bravo.

Bravo.

Oh, my God.

Okay, last question from

Hopeless Romantic.

Hi, good guys.

Thank you for the podcast.

Thank you for how much you make me laugh.

I love you.

This question is obviously for Josh and Ben, but also Olivia, because I would love a girl's perspective.

I'm 25 years old and I'm a virgin by choice.

I'm not waiting until marriage, but I am waiting until I'm completely in love with somebody because I only want to be intimate with one person that way my whole life.

That's the goal at least.

And I've had a very hard time leading up to now with guys basically being okay waiting and I'm totally fine with that.

With them, I'm like, listen i'm not going to think you're a bad guy i'm not going to think you're a bad person like be up front with me that's great if you need to have sex to fall in love with me then i don't think you were going to fall in love with me in the first place so like that's fine but it's so tough to date in this world when I'm not having sex until I'm in love because how can I tell someone on a first date like well you need to make me fall in love with you first and not have them run the other direction so I guess my first question is how do I go about that in this day and age where like sex on the first date is pretty normal, especially with my generation?

And two, am I crazy to think that there's going to be a guy somewhere along the way that's like so down for me that he's like, I don't really care if I have sex with you in the first week, in the first month, even in the first year, or we wait till marriage because I love who you are and I just want to be with you.

Am I crazy?

Should I get off of my fairy tale pedestal?

I would love to hear what you guys think.

Thank you.

Olivia?

Yeah, Olivia, you want to go first.

Cool.

Yeah.

So I actually, I hadn't met, I'm also 25.

I hadn't met somebody who was.

I thought something else was coming after that.

You're going to be like, whoa, whoa, no, no, no, no.

But a good friend of mine out here, actually, she's been saving herself or like, you know, waiting to have sex with somebody until she's married.

And.

I know for her, she went through like a big breakup a little while ago and she was with this guy for like two or three years and they never did anything and they had a really good relationship and they thought it was end game, but like ended up not, you know, being that way.

Anyway, it's a tricky position to be in, but I think that there will be people.

There will be somebody out there who can be in alignment with you.

And I wanted to wait too until it was with somebody that I knew loved me and I loved when I was younger.

It just happened for me at an earlier age than it happened, has happened for you.

But I think just like.

Keep holding on.

Stay true to like what you believe.

Don't do something that you'll regret, you know, but yeah, like just good luck.

I know it's hard out there, but there's somebody out there for you for sure.

I agree.

I think you hold out.

I think that if it's what you want, you're going to, somebody's going to meet you at that.

But I also wouldn't go like looking for a guy at a bar.

Like you should, you should be hunting for your specific person.

I don't know what your religion is, but like maybe at church.

Like maybe you should like look for somebody who comes from a family that like like if you're going and you're like dating a bunch of hunters or football players, obviously they're going to sleep with you immediately.

You know what I mean?

Like I would make sure that you're looking in the right places.

I didn't mean to throw hunters under the bus.

Maybe there's some that are waiting for, waiting for marriage to have sex.

Yeah, I just think you'll find the right person, but you also need to be looking in the right places.

Yeah, I think I totally agree.

I think you're probably what as you start getting into your late 20s, if you still haven't been with someone and you want that from the person you're with, I think it will probably, the religious route is sort of inevitable because that just seems to be like someone who would share that ideal.

But you guys tell me if I'm crazy, I kind of think like, if you don't want to do that, I totally respect it.

But if there are other things you do want to do with someone who you are interested in and it's moving towards that direction of becoming more serious and falling in love, like I would say make that other stuff super fun.

You know what I mean?

Of course.

No,

totally.

Yes.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

You mean like the, you mean like the other stuff.

Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.

Right between where the shortstop stands.

Yeah, yeah.

You know what I mean?

From heavy rubbing to...

No.

Yeah.

I do.

Yeah.

And by the way.

And by the way, once you started hooking up with a partner for that long, you start wishing you started doing the other stuff more.

You're like, you know,

whatever happened to a hand job.

You know?

Foreplay is it.

Dude, foreplay is it.

Isn't it?

That's it.

Title.

It's it.

Foreplay is it.

Otherwise,

why do we watch an entire movie?

Why not just skip to the final scene?

Yeah.

You know, there's no buildup.

Why don't you just watch the last six minutes of the Knicks game?

You don't even need quarters one through three.

You loser.

No, you need foreplay.

Play's in the name.

It's not forework.

No, it's play.

You know?

Yeah, I know.

That's a Chris Rock bit.

It's like, why having a girlfriend is better than having a wife?

Because friends in the title.

That's good.

That's good.

Should we get to our what are you nuts?

We should, Josh.

Our what are you nuts moment of the week are gripes with people, places, and things, both big and small.

Everything's sticking in your craw.

Ben, what do you got?

You ever have this experience, Josh?

You go maybe to a department store, okay?

You buy a lot of things.

You take them them home.

They just don't fit right.

Or maybe you went to a store, you bought something expensive.

You take it home and you changed your mind.

You go back in the next day, fully expecting a refund.

This was a big purchase.

And they look at you and they say, store credit only.

Woody, nuts.

I just gave you my money yesterday.

Okay,

what kind of shakedown is this?

I'm giving you back the goods.

They're in perfect condition.

The idea of a store credit only, I'm sorry, it's tacky.

It's terrible.

And I'm out on it completely.

If it's food, what are you nuts?

Of course.

You don't even give a refund.

But if this is like an item, a tangible item that you can resell again, locking me into spending money at your store is a terrible experience.

What are you nuts?

I love that.

I totally agree.

Get out of here.

Cash back only.

My what are you nuts moment is phrases like the silence was deafening

Okay,

it's deep how you can be so shallow.

Just say you're super shallow.

Yeah.

Okay.

They were very quiet.

I just, I don't, what are you, nuts?

Can't we just say it straight?

It's not what

you're saying.

We don't need all the drama.

We don't need all the drama.

It was deafening.

Don't use opposites to describe.

What?

That's why we have opposites.

We don't need it.

I totally agree.

Completely nuts.

And Josh, you know what else is nuts?

What?

Not giving us five stars on this episode folks that would be nuts what are you nuts listen to us wherever you get your podcasts watch us on YouTube share our clips Instagram and TikTok Mondays and Thursdays folks we will see ya next time

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