Mazel, Moses with Jonah Platt

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Speaker 4 Two Jews, both big and tall, no subject too small for the good guys.

Speaker 4 a mother's dream premium podcast team make it your weekly routine it's a good guys

Speaker 4 and if you don't give us five stars what are you nuts what are you nuts yeah we're the good guys we're not the great guys we're just a good of the good guys

Speaker 2 This episode's about to be so darn Jewish. I don't know.
It's like, this is like a deli meetup.

Speaker 1 We're here with the great Ben Sauber and Jonah Blatt. Thanks for having me, guys.
Yeah, thanks for coming on.

Speaker 1 We were discussing just before this that we have a little Jewish geography to play, I'm sure.

Speaker 2 You guys went to a similar camp growing up?

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Camp Ramah, the

Speaker 1 one and only Jewish sleepaway camp of kings. It's the quintessential conservative Jewish camp.
That's right. They are everywhere from Massachusetts, Canada, California.

Speaker 1 We call it the Berkshires, even though it's New York. They hoodwinked us.
It's 90 minutes from Manhattan. They called it the Berkshires.

Speaker 1 Did you also have what they called Ramah time, where they switch the clocks on you an hour? No. What is that? You get there and they switch the clocks so that you have more daylight during the day.

Speaker 1 You get there and you're on camp time. That's weather control.
Yes, that's the Jews.

Speaker 1 But yeah, we both went to a Ramah and I was telling you that I actually went on, it's called Ramah Seminar, where all of the Ramas meet up in Israel for a summer.

Speaker 1 You're like 16 years old, really horny. Like, that's like the peak of camp.
And you go to Israel, and I actually happen to be in Israel the same year as your brother.

Speaker 1 He's a year younger than me, Ben, but you guys go, I think you're 15, we go and we're 16. Right.
And I actually didn't go, but I was

Speaker 1 one of my siblings who didn't get to go on seminar. Oh, you missed a great summer.
I know.

Speaker 1 I still regret it.

Speaker 2 What is seminar? You mean like seminary?

Speaker 1 Is that just call it Ramas Seminar? Yeah, I don't know why it's called seminar. Seminary is what? Like theological school, right?

Speaker 2 Which doesn't sound too different than what you guys were doing.

Speaker 1 It's not. Let me tell you, you go,

Speaker 1 you go, sure, like we're praying, but we're also hanging. We're eating tons of eating.
You're going to Masada. You're eating.
You're going to the Dead Sea. You're buying the oat.
You're eating.

Speaker 1 That's all you're doing. It's just like you're eating across Israel.
But I went with Ben

Speaker 1 and we weren't close, but I had known him and we certainly weren't enemies. And he comes out with his comedy special or the special at the beacon, excuse me.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like his concert, solo concert thing. His solar concert, solo concert.
And my wife is watching it. And she calls me.
She's like, Ben, you went on Ramas Seminar with Ben Platt, right?

Speaker 1 I'm like, yeah. She's like, well, he just said that a kid named Ben Adenham is gay on Ramas Seminar.
And I said, that was not me. Different Ben.
Ben is a very common name on Ramas Seminar. Not me.

Speaker 2 Dying to know this because obviously the great Platt family, a group of just real Jewish excellence let's be honest very kind and ben incredibly talented you know famous i always love to think about people before they broke before they made it before they entered the lexicon so ben i ask you ben s i ask about ben p did you see glimpses of greatness was he in the i don't know the kugle line at lunch and you were like that kid's headed for the for the stars

Speaker 1 i just remember him being funny like but so no i didn't i didn't see that no i remembered him being nice and funny.

Speaker 1 There probably wasn't much opportunity for, you know, show tunes and performances at Masada. No, no, there weren't.
There were. None.
None. But so, no, I didn't see it.

Speaker 1 But that doesn't mean that it wasn't there. I'm sure.
No, no. I mean, it was for him, it was from very young age, performing, all of us.
So I have four siblings.

Speaker 2 And you're all really talented.

Speaker 1 We're all. singers and we all did musical theater growing up.
My parents, part of what brought them together in college was their shared love of musical theater. So they raised us all on it.

Speaker 1 And we were doing backyard musicals and after school musicals and all that stuff, all five of us from a very, very young age.

Speaker 2 And then when your dad becomes like this formidable producer when it comes to musicals and movies and all these different things, is there like pressure to join the family business?

Speaker 1 I wouldn't say pressure, no. If anything, the opposite.
No pressure at all. Like, please do what makes you happy.
Do your own thing. My sisters have nothing to do with the business and their careers.

Speaker 1 And my youngest brother works like in music, not performing really, or movies or anything like that.

Speaker 1 But, you know, the family business, when it's whether you're a producer or a plumber, like whatever you're around is sort of in the water.

Speaker 1 So I think that's obviously natural that at least two of us gravitated in that direction.

Speaker 2 I mean, Ben's the son of a caterer. You should see his chopping skills.
You've never seen Mintz Plots like this.

Speaker 1 Gravitate.

Speaker 2 We call him Benny Mintz Plots.

Speaker 1 I don't look like this for no reason, my friend. And this is me down 60 pounds post-Ozempic.
So it's certainly in your blood. How's that going? How's the Ozempic thing? Great.
You look great.

Speaker 1 I mean, I feel great. I feel great.
I think it's a miracle drug. I can't stop talking about it.
Whoever I meet, I talk about Ozempic. I love it.
Even though I'm now not on Ozempic.

Speaker 1 I'm on, what am I on, Josh? Moonjaro. Munjaro.

Speaker 1 Munjaro. Yeah, I was on Ozempic.
I then went off it. Me and my wife.
I tried to have a child, BH. He's coming in two months.
Amazing. And Jonah.
Putting it back in the Ozempic groove.

Speaker 1 What did you say?

Speaker 2 Jonah's got a baby coming in May as well. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Amazing. It's our third.
I know it's your first. But still, congrats.
Thank you very much. Thank you.
Both of our Memorial Day plans are pretty.

Speaker 1 I think they're out the window. But yeah.
And now it's Munjaro. Munjaro.
It's doing great.

Speaker 1 Well, I was in Mexico recently and in the airport, you know, they have these incredible pharmacies and there was just refrigerators full of Ozempic that anybody could come and purchase.

Speaker 1 I love an airport drug kiosk. Like this was Josh.
Are you thinking about it?

Speaker 2 This was, you know, this was a full in Mexico, Ben, you can get I, the drug kiosk is great to get all your CBS essentials.

Speaker 2 But in Mexico, they're like, oh, these psycho-americans are going to want to take some Vicodins on the plane.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And they got it.
Oh, you think I don't know?

Speaker 1 I've literally, I've been, I've been in those Mexican drug kiosks and I have bought six months worth of Ozempic for my father because it's cheaper than the, than going going if you don't have insurance.

Speaker 1 There you go.

Speaker 2 But did you taste any of the wares of Ozempic or as they call it in Mexico, Ozempic?

Speaker 1 What do you mean? I don't think I tried it. Did you try it yourself or was it just for that?

Speaker 1 Of course. No, of course.
I try every, yeah. Was there a difference between the Mexican blend and the American? No, name brand just on the back.
It was also in Spanish. It's all good.

Speaker 1 Perfect, Josh. It's perfect.

Speaker 2 Let's just, let's all compare the drug haul that we would take from Mexico if we were there right now.

Speaker 1 I'll start.

Speaker 1 Zenex, Zenex, Zenex.

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Speaker 2 Well, you know, we've started this sort of tradition. For Hanukkah, we had the great Robbie Hoffman on the podcast.
Nice. Brilliant comedian.
Grew up Orthodox.

Speaker 2 And we wanted to talk about, you know, our pod, we just embrace and love the Jewish holidays. So, you know, we have Passover come up, coming up, a great marquee holiday for the Jews.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 2 Jonah, I mean, let's start talking Passover, shall we?

Speaker 1 I would love nothing more. Yes.

Speaker 2 What was it like growing up for you, Cabe?

Speaker 1 Well, first and foremost, I need you both to recline. I'm reclining.
And on Passover, we recline. So get in a more reclined position.
Yes.

Speaker 1 We want it to look as terrible on video as possible. Okay, good.
Now we're reclined. What was Passover like? Passover was terrible.
Passover is the worst holiday when you're a kid.

Speaker 1 You can't eat anything, right? It's all matzah. For a big, fat, fatty, you're clogged for two weeks, Josh.
You're just eating this clogging matzah. Like, it's unbelievable.

Speaker 1 I didn't shit the whole month of April for the first 16 years of my life. And, and, but my dad did make something delicious.
I'm sure, Joni, you're familiar. Matzah Bry.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, does he make a matzah bry that would knock your socks off?

Speaker 2 So good. Well, let's talk about, first, let's talk about the story of Passover because it's a good one.
There have been plenty of movies about it, I think.

Speaker 1 I can think of two. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Rugrats being one. There, yeah.
Well, Rugrats is like the classic, the best version of the Passover story is the Rugrats episode.

Speaker 1 And then there's the Ten Commandments, Charlton Heston, and there's Prince of Egypt, the animated. Yes.
Yes.

Speaker 1 That's basically it. As far as I'm sure, we were slaves to Pharaoh in Egypt.
Yep. And then we weren't.
That's the story. You know, you skipped over all the drama.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 There were 10 plagues famously.

Speaker 1 There were. Wrought upon the Egyptian people.

Speaker 2 Now, let's start it at the beginning. So, this is the intro.
This is the Moses origin story, right?

Speaker 1 Correct. Yes.

Speaker 2 So he goes, the Jews are enslaved by Pharaoh. Moses goes, I'll middleman.

Speaker 1 I got this. Well,

Speaker 1 you're skipping like the origin of the original. The Nile? Yeah.
We have big issues with this. This

Speaker 1 Fakakta wicker basket that somehow floated for miles. Go for it, Joe.
Well, I mean, you just said it. So, you know, that all the Jewish kids were getting killed, I think.
So they had to hide.

Speaker 1 this Jewish baby boy. So his mom put him in a wicker basket, set him down the Nile, and he was discovered by Pharaoh's daughter, Batya, I think is her name.

Speaker 1 And she's like a hero and brought him in and raised, Moses was raised as like an Egyptian prince.

Speaker 1 And it's when he sees a slave master beating down a Jewish slave, he like stays his hand and shows himself to be a person of integrity and great character. And then the rest begins from there.

Speaker 2 So Batia was telling Moses the whole time, you're Jewish?

Speaker 1 I don't think so. I actually don't know when he discovers he's Jewish.
Maybe Ben. Yeah, no, he didn't know.
He didn't know. Ever? Maybe he didn't know until the burning bush.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't know when he found out, but he didn't find out early. Yeah, no, the first thing the bush said is, hey, you're a Jew.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 The burning bush was the original internet comment. Right.
That's right.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 But back to the wicker basket, because Josh and I recently spoke about this. Do you not take issue with Moses not drowning in the Nile, being in a wicker basket and water?

Speaker 1 Well, I think, you know, there's like tar or something underneath. There's like a sealant

Speaker 1 that goes under the basket. There you go.
There you go. But then there are these 10 plagues

Speaker 1 that hit. We got blood.
We got frogs. We got vermin.
Let my people go. Him and his brother Aaron.
We can't forget Aaron. Shout out to Aaron.

Speaker 2 Aaron, that's the two A's.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I got a big issue with his name.
What are you trying to prove? Aaron?

Speaker 1 A Ron. You said if you just wrote wrote Aaron with one A, it looks wrong.
It does look weird. Yeah, I'm not a fan of Aaron.

Speaker 1 But Aaron is not good either. It's a terrible name, honestly.
Well, maybe because in Hebrew it's like Aharon. And then when Aharon, if you try to write it in English,

Speaker 1 you throw that second A in there. Yes.
Maybe. Is your Hebrew name, Jonah, just Jonah? It's Yonah.
Yonah. Which means that's a great one.
Beautiful. Beautiful.
I'm Ben Sion.

Speaker 1 What are you?

Speaker 1 Son of God. Yes.
I'm Jesus. I would have been Ben Yamin, but my dad took Ben Yamin.
His name is Bruce. But Ben Yamin is normal for Ben.
Josh, what's your Hebrew name?

Speaker 2 Yeshua. Jesus.

Speaker 1 God, that's gorgeous. Yeshua.
We should for the rest of this episode, Yoshua, Yonah, and Ben Sion.

Speaker 1 No longer.

Speaker 2 I just got a live update. We've got 11 listeners left.

Speaker 1 Let's try to get rid of all of them by the end of the end. Three bomb threats to dear media.

Speaker 2 So he starts sending these plagues, right? And then the biggie comes, right? He goes, don't make me do number 10, right?

Speaker 1 Number 10 is, you know, it's pretty abominable. It's the death of all the firstborn Egyptian children.
Yes.

Speaker 1 And the angel of death knows not to kill the Jewish children because they put lamb's blood on their door posts. Right.

Speaker 1 And that's where you get the Passover because the angel passes over those homes as it goes to murder a bunch of children.

Speaker 1 What a story.

Speaker 1 How

Speaker 2 violent. Ben and I

Speaker 2 over Rush Hashanah, Ben was teaching me about the golden calf and the whole thing.

Speaker 1 Which we just read, like that, that part shows like last week. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I always feel like all of this as a pretty secular Jew, that it's all allegory, right? Like it's all created in a way in which to just help people understand morals and values and lessons.

Speaker 2 So how literal do you think these things are?

Speaker 1 I'm with you. I, you know, and we, we know like scholarship has shown this was written by, like the Torah is written by guys, like scribes over many decades of ancient times.
So I feel like you.

Speaker 1 I feel like it's about learning morals and lessons and exactly what you say.

Speaker 1 I can't take that stuff literally, you know?

Speaker 1 That's just me. There are plenty of people who do, but I'm not one of them.

Speaker 2 Ben, are you one of them?

Speaker 1 I don't take it all. I don't take it all.
Thank you very much for addressing me by my given name. I don't take it all literally.

Speaker 1 I think that that to me, to think that the Torah hasn't been touched in 4,000 years would be a little crazy. But I do think that there's got to be some truth in some of these stories.

Speaker 1 But I do think that the main overall goal, regardless of truth or not, is to pull the way that you should lead your life and pull traditions from whether they're stories or truth or whatever it may be.

Speaker 1 That reading it and understanding it and living by it does lead to... a great structured life.

Speaker 1 I think you're right in that it's got to be somewhat based on reality because, like, across religions, you see similar stories. Like, so many different peoples have the flood story.
Right.

Speaker 1 In the Jews, it's Noah and the Ark, but then you have, you know, indigenous tribes who have like flood stories at the same time.

Speaker 1 So there must have been stuff that happened that everybody kind of noticed, but then, you know, everybody extrapolated and expanded in their own ways.

Speaker 1 There are artifacts that back up some of the stories.

Speaker 1 But yes, the Noah's Ark of it all is pretty pretty difficult for me to personally get behind that they were able to get two of every single animal on one arc. That doesn't sound plausible to you.

Speaker 1 It sounds like a bit of a stretch, Yonah. A bit of a stretch.
A bit of a stretch.

Speaker 2 And what about creepy crawlies, right?

Speaker 1 Two millipedes? Yeek. Yeah, thanks.
No, no thanks. And like the fact that the elephant didn't step on them like they survived transit.
No. Yeah.
No way. Very hard.
Very hardy.

Speaker 2 What about okay so

Speaker 1 did you see a monkey grab the millipede and noah's like no yeah they're all they all got to be eating the half of it yeah they're hungry yeah they're hungry

Speaker 2 so what okay so now the pharaoh goes all right all right fine go

Speaker 2 you win take them go let's introduce where matzah came from right because that was kind of that it was really the first to-go meal wow 40 days in 40 years.

Speaker 1 So they had no time. They had to run.
No. They didn't want to wait for Pharaoh to change his mind.
Yes. So they took their bread before it had risen at all, apparently.

Speaker 1 Now we eat flat crackers that clog you up for a month. They clog you up for a month.
Are you a fan of shimura matzah or are you a regular matzah man? And for those that are still listening, shimura

Speaker 1 is

Speaker 1 a very burnt circle matzah versus the regular matzah that you'd get in a square is a regular matzah, but the real hardcore juicy shimara.

Speaker 1 And the shimara matzah is somehow even flatter than the regular matzah. It's awful.
I don't understand why people do this.

Speaker 1 It's so burnt. It's so like burnt.
The top of burnt toast, if you were to take a piece of toast

Speaker 1 and you were to try to remove the burn and just eat that pile of dust, that is shimara matzah.

Speaker 1 I enjoy like one bite of it per holiday season, but I'm not, you know, I'm not making the sandwich with it. I'm not melting the cheese on it.
I'm not doing anything else.

Speaker 1 Because it makes you feel a certain way, Yona and Yoshi. It makes you feel like you're in the story.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little bit.

Speaker 1 I also like, you know,

Speaker 1 a little helping of that burnt cardboard flavor is nice to like break up the just, you know, straight cracker that you're eating repeatedly for days. What's your go, what's your go-to with matzah?

Speaker 1 Like, I mean, the, the best version of matzah is matzah pizza, in my opinion, you know, for sure. You go oven or microwave?

Speaker 1 Oh, I think microwave, because I haven't had the in my past, but now that I own an air fryer situation, like it's going to be in the air fryer.

Speaker 1 I will, I will say, I went to my high school here in LA would serve matzah pizza in the cafeteria during Passover.

Speaker 1 But they would serve pepperoni matzah pizza.

Speaker 2 It's so good.

Speaker 1 People actually love it. It was so annoying because the non-Jewish kids would be like, oh, matzah pizza is so great.
I'd be like, try eating it for eight days in a row. Sucks.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But they loving it. It was like, you know, delicious cracker, melted cheese.
Novelty. I love that we can't ever acknowledge that something is good.

Speaker 1 Like we always have this complex that everything has to be bad. It's like, what do you mean you like matzah pizza? It's terrible.
We endure pain for two weeks. It's like the bread of affliction.

Speaker 1 Yeah, matzah pizza is delicious.

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Speaker 2 Okay, so now we've got the matzah. We're traveling.

Speaker 2 It didn't have time to leaven, so it got baked in the sun. The bread is now this thin little cracker.
But of course, Pharaoh, now he's got second thoughts. He's feeling, he's in his hypocritical era.

Speaker 2 He goes, you know what? No, I want him back. So he sends the forces to go get them.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Yep, all the chariots. Yes.
And they come to the sea, and God parts the Red Sea so that the Israelites can walk through it.

Speaker 1 And then as soon as those chariots come in, he closes it up and there's more mass murder of Egypt. Oh, my.

Speaker 1 And their horses. And they're all of them.

Speaker 1 Gone.

Speaker 2 Now, current day, what does our Passover satyrs look like? Because I did bring up some fun facts about Passover because it is fun.

Speaker 1 It is fun. And here are a couple.

Speaker 2 of those fun 30 facts you didn't know about Passover. And this is from Ben Housekeeping.

Speaker 1 They know a lot about the Jewish holidays over there.

Speaker 2 The meaning of its name is quite literal.

Speaker 2 Households were passed over as the 10th plague hit Egypt. The story can be found in the Bible.

Speaker 1 We're crushing these facts though.

Speaker 2 It's one of the oldest holidays at over 3,500 years old.

Speaker 2 The Last Supper is believed to have been a Passover Satan.

Speaker 1 That's right. Yes, that's right.

Speaker 2 Three out of the four gospels, Matthew, Mark, and Luke, describe Jesus' last meal as occurring during Passover. I wonder who found the Afikomen.
And it's considered the most popular Jewish holiday.

Speaker 2 Here's a picture of Kathy Lee Gifford.

Speaker 1 Well, she's doing it.

Speaker 2 It said that 23% of people surveyed said they attend religious services, but 70% said that they do take part in a Passover seder.

Speaker 2 And let's see. Oh, oh, here's a good one.
Here's a good way to start. The length of Passover satyrs vary.
Boys, take it away. How long are your Passover satyrs?

Speaker 1 Depends on where I go. If I go to my dad's brother's house, we're done in under an hour.
If I go to my sister's boyfriend's family, we're at four hours.

Speaker 1 It depends on how religious you are, how much you want to just eat. But these seders can go deep into the night if you'll let them.
They can go deep into the night.

Speaker 1 Yeah, my family's satyrs have always had so many children at them. So they've like my whole life, there's just been children everywhere.
So they can't go for too long because the kids can't hack it.

Speaker 1 You know, kids got to go to bed. So I'd say, I don't know, like somewhere between two and three hours, including dinner, including arrival, including searching for Officomen.
Oh, that's fair. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That is fair. That's nice.
That's a nice evening. That's a normal amount of time.
It is.

Speaker 2 I got to say, I find this rude when people send text messages like this, but I appreciate it when they go, the party will be from six to nine. And you just know there's like a hard out.

Speaker 1 That's nice. You can plan your evening around it.

Speaker 2 I think there should be a big clock like at Madison Square Garden.

Speaker 1 Counting down.

Speaker 2 Yes. Started at three hours.
And we know that by the last 15 minutes, get your coat.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Right.
And if some, and if somebody gets up to go, no more of this, oh, so soon. Then what do you expect them to do? Okay.

Speaker 1 They're now going to sit with you for time after they clearly expressed that they wanted to leave, Josh. Oh, so soon? No.
If they're getting up to leave, leave.

Speaker 1 This sounds like you leave things early a lot, is what I'm getting from this. Me too.
So soon?

Speaker 1 It's so good. Ben, you've been at dinner for 45 minutes.
So soon? Yeah, I'm tired. We talked.
We ate. We're done.
Like, I don't. It's enough.
We're done.

Speaker 1 Well, soon, Ben, you're going to have the babysitter excuse. You're going to be able to get out of there whenever you need to.

Speaker 1 great yes i need another excuse yeah always need it because okay so then major tenants of passover you're supposed to recline because we made it it's a bit of a celebratory meal you're supposed to drink drink drink right yeah get a little sauce four four cups of wine yes here's a here's a nice tip something i like to do is i'll do like a wine progression through the night like start with a sparkling then go to a white then go to a light red then do a heavy red or like a dessert wine for number four a port.

Speaker 1 There you go. Yeah, an appertine.
Well, that would be the. Is that before? I don't know.
A DJ Steve is the second one. I'm 17 years sober.
What the fuck do I know?

Speaker 1 I got nothing there.

Speaker 2 A DJ Steve.

Speaker 1 God. There you go.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So that's a fun little tip.
Spice up your Seder.

Speaker 2 Okay, last couple of questions because everyone wants to know. So then we hide matzah for the kids so that they have to find it.
It's called the Afikomen. By the way, what is that tradition?

Speaker 2 Or was that just like in the 1700s? Someone said, let's add some fun.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Do you know, Jonah? I don't know.
I know the word Afikomen is Greek. That's my one fun fact about Afikomen.
That's all I know.

Speaker 2 And it said it better than go find the Tsatsiki.

Speaker 1 Do you, did you guys get prizes as kids for finding the Afikomen? Stone Cold Cash. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Change from a gold $1

Speaker 1 coin to a $5 bill, depending on how cheap the guy was. I'm just saying, Mike, may he rest in peace, great uncle, genius with the

Speaker 1 gold dollars. Yeah, that's a good thing.
Because you feel like you're getting a lot, but you're getting a buck. Genius.
Like getting treasure. It's also like a $2 bill, which Josh and I love.

Speaker 1 Love a $2 bill.

Speaker 1 You could easily tip a two in lieu of a five anytime you want. I agree.

Speaker 1 Just the novelty, the magic of the two.

Speaker 1 The novelty.

Speaker 2 It's tipping arbitrage.

Speaker 1 I don't know what that word means.

Speaker 2 I've been dying to use it.

Speaker 1 No, that that was properly used. We should start trying it, Josh, with half dollars.

Speaker 2 See how far we can get by tipping 50.

Speaker 1 I don't think I've made a half dollar in like 20 years. Do you like John F.
Kennedy, friend? Yes.

Speaker 2 That was so good. So the little kids get the matzah.

Speaker 1 I find it.

Speaker 2 And then who is this Elijah? And why can we not stop talking about it?

Speaker 1 Well, we save a seat for Elijah. Eliyahu Hana V.
Nice. Eliyahu Hatishvi.
Eliyahu, Eliyahu, Eliyahu Hana Vi. Now I know the song, but I don't remember why we save a seat for Elijah.

Speaker 1 I don't know why he gets this seat of honor either. I'm trying to think.

Speaker 1 I know you leave out a cup of wine for him that he's supposed to come and drink, and he's supposed to be a guest at your seder, but I don't know why him. I don't remember.
I don't remember either.

Speaker 1 I know he was like, he went away from this. mortal life and like a blaze of fire.

Speaker 1 Like he like flew like a chariot of fire into the sky is how he became this like prophet spirit that's all i remember about the patron saint of the flaky they may come they may not

Speaker 1 they deserve representation it's honestly very santa claus it's very leaving out cookies and milk for santa that's right that's exactly what it is who was also invented by jews just so we're all on the same page he was

Speaker 1 yeah the whole idea of santa was invented by jews unless that's just like an anti-semitic trope i think so i thought santa like as we know it was invented by like american marketing firms.

Speaker 2 I thought it was like...

Speaker 1 Did I just spew an anti-Semitic trope? I think you may have.

Speaker 2 I thought it was like Swedish or Norwegian.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they had like Sinter Klaus over there.

Speaker 1 Sinter Klaus is definitely an anti-Semite, just so we're on the same page.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Sinter Klaus is like the thing of nightmares for the Jewish children in the villages.

Speaker 2 But then wasn't there Kries Kringle?

Speaker 2 Here's a more detailed look at the origins of Santa Claus.

Speaker 2 The The modern figure of Santa Claus has roots in fourth century Christian saint Saint Nicholas, a Greek bishop known for his generosity and kindness, particularly towards children, and his affinity for yummy cookies.

Speaker 2 No, I just added that last word.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 But you know what? I was referring to the modern

Speaker 1 characterization of Santa's, like

Speaker 1 fat with the beard and the red suit and all that. That guy sounds really nice.
That's St. Nicholas.

Speaker 2 And Sinterklaas and the Dutch, who settled in New Amsterdam. And then you ever think the elves wanted to form a union?

Speaker 1 They probably have one. Yes.
For sure. That's got to be organized labor.

Speaker 2 It should be. It should be.
They live on site.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 They need more rights. Where are they more rights?

Speaker 1 Do they get a hiatus or are they working year-round?

Speaker 2 And is it just, is their holiday pay or is it kind of like, dude, it's assumed.

Speaker 1 I think that they only get paid during that time period. I think they're worked to the bone.
We need a dark elf movie. Very dark.

Speaker 2 And who makes the elves theirs, right?

Speaker 1 What do they do?

Speaker 1 Wow. Think about that.
Deep questions.

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Speaker 2 How was it treated with you guys growing up? Was it just a non-thing?

Speaker 1 It was a non-thing, but we want, like, I had a Christian babysitter. So she introduced us to all the amazing animated Christmas movies like Frosty and Rudolph and all that stuff.

Speaker 1 You know, the Jewish kids always wish you had Christmas. Christmas is awesome.
Everybody's doing it. It's magical, but we didn't get to participate.

Speaker 1 But luckily, my wife, who converted to Judaism, we do Christmas every year now with her family. So I get the best of both worlds.
So funny. Full Jew and full Christmas.

Speaker 2 That's so cool.

Speaker 1 My wife's Irish Catholic. We get it.
There you go. There you go.
So fun. My kids get presents for days and days and days.
They get the Hanukkah presents, the Christmas presents.

Speaker 1 It's just like a win-win for everybody. It took me a second, though.

Speaker 1 Like when I first came into her family, I had this, such a strong aversion because it was like the most not Jewish thing in the world is Christmas.

Speaker 1 And I was like, I couldn't, I couldn't get it. And I'm like, I couldn't buy into it.
And it felt weird.

Speaker 1 And then actually her dad was like, you know, that feeling when you're a kid and you're on your way to Disneyland? That's Christmas. I was going to say, okay, like that I can understand.

Speaker 1 It's interesting. When I think of Christmas, I just think of American.
Like it just feels like a very American holiday to me. Like my wife loves Christmas and she's about as Jewish as it gets.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I was like she

Speaker 1 loves Christmas time, like raquettes, like all that stuff. Like it just becomes a part of society.

Speaker 1 On my pod, one of my guests was the kid of Holocaust survivors and they had a Christmas tree because it was like, it was American and they wanted to feel like when they moved to this country, they wanted to be all American.

Speaker 1 And Americans have Christmas trees. And they were like, hell yeah, we're American too.
Love that. I need a Christmas tree.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's very pretty. I've now had one for the last three years since we had a house.
My wife gets one and does it up. And it just is, it's lovely.

Speaker 1 It's lovely. And who breaks it down? And how long do you wait to break it down?

Speaker 2 That tree is out of our house. It arrives at our house Friday, the day after Thanksgiving.

Speaker 1 Is it a real tree?

Speaker 2 Real tree always. Beautiful.
And it is out of our house by noon, November, or I'm sorry, December 25th.

Speaker 1 Oh, wow. Gone.

Speaker 2 It's gone. She doesn't want to.

Speaker 1 I mean, do you open the presents in the morning, like under the tree, and then trees out? Trees out.

Speaker 2 Wow. Like, unacceptable.
Get rid of it. Get rid of the wreaths.
Get rid of the, get rid of the, is that right?

Speaker 2 Get rid of the

Speaker 2 adornment where the stockings are above the fireplace. Gone.

Speaker 1 We do not leave it. This is too quick.
This is too quick. Can we leave it?

Speaker 1 Can we leave it through the new year? No. That's That's way too long.

Speaker 2 That's well, but plenty of people do that, Ben. But no, to my wife, she's like, it's unacceptable.

Speaker 1 Wow. Okay.
I trust Paige on this topic. Yeah.
It's quick. What are we going to do?

Speaker 1 No. So we're asking these like nice Christians to come in on Christmas and pick up the tree.
It's very dark. It's so funny that you think we invite Christians in to pick up our tree.

Speaker 1 Oh, you toss it.

Speaker 2 Like you just have a service.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 No, you toss it. I told you, I did a woody nuts on this.
It is the greatest Christian privilege I've ever seen, this idea that you get to throw your tree, a massive thing on the street.

Speaker 2 And somehow, some way, someone picks it up.

Speaker 1 Yes. Yes, we did talk about that.
That's what we do.

Speaker 1 That's nice.

Speaker 2 Someone, and I see it like throughout the week after Christmas, every couple of days, I'll see two, three, 10 trees. And somehow, someway, the garbage people just pick up a tree.

Speaker 1 We have a fake tree that, so like my, as I said, I was very very christmas averse so my wife wanted to decorate because that's like just tradition for her and she loved that growing up but we had to find the medium that worked for the two of us so we have this like our color scheme is like white and silver and gold and that kind of like wintry situation more so than the red green fir tree reds like we have white stockings with like menorahs on them and so our tree is this like silver leafless, wintry looking tree that we reuse every year.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You know, I'm now thinking, since you said it, Josh, about this service run by Jews for Christians.
We pick up your tree Christmas Day. We go into your house.
We dispose of it.

Speaker 1 We collect on the recycling. It's genius.
This is genius, Josh. Great.
Okay, fine. I'll start with somebody else.
You don't seem enthused. Jonah? I'm trying.

Speaker 1 I'm trying to think of a clever name for it. I don't know.

Speaker 2 Should we get to a speakpipe? Yeah, please. All right.
So speakpipe is we take calls or advice from people who want, who have questions for us, they need advice.

Speaker 2 If you want to leave us a message, go to speakpipe.com slash good guys.

Speaker 2 Keep it brief. Brevity is key.
We don't want your woody and nutses. We don't love them.

Speaker 1 Let's hear from Aaliyah.

Speaker 5 Guys, we're on here. I had a question for you, Ben.
I wonder if when you have your precious little baby BHBHBH, will you let them eat non-kosher? Being that Claudia is more kosher.

Speaker 5 You guys grew up more kosher. Coming from somebody who grew up quite kosher, was pretty relig, went to Stern College for women, but married a nice non-Jewish man.

Speaker 5 I was going to raise my kids Jewish, still very much traditional, but I don't keep kosher other than no pork. But I'm like, whoa, feels weird though,

Speaker 5 because I didn't eat it growing up. And so yeah, I just wonder, what's your take on it? Have you thought about that? Them non-kosher meats? Will you let them mix? Do you mix? Anyway, you get the gist.

Speaker 5 Thanks, guys. Love you both.

Speaker 1 Love you all.

Speaker 5 Oh, and love you, Olivia. Your laugh lights me up every time I listen.
You guys are amazing. Thank you.
Bye.

Speaker 1 What? What? Did not get the brevity memo. No.
Yeah. No, very long.
They never do. Very long.
Great question.

Speaker 1 I will say that I hope

Speaker 1 BH.

Speaker 2 Sorry. Oh, my gosh.
Oh, God. This is horrible.

Speaker 1 Sorry. Okay.
And go beneath.

Speaker 1 I hope BH, when my son comes, first of all, this is not going to be a problem until he's eating solid foods, which will be years down the road anyways.

Speaker 2 It's in four months. At four months.

Speaker 1 They start out solid. Years down the road.
Years down the road.

Speaker 1 You're feeding him chicken. You're feeding him chicken in four months.
Baby-led feeding. You give them the chicken drumstick and just let them kind of gnaw on it when they're okay.
Okay.

Speaker 1 So then, so then I have a lot to learn. We'll only, my house is strictly kosher meat.
So that won't be a problem early on.

Speaker 1 I do think that there is something to being too strict that pushes somebody in the opposite direction, which is what she's describing.

Speaker 1 The fact that she went to Stern College for Women, which is an offshoot of Yeshiva University, which is where I went, and is now asking these questions.

Speaker 1 Like, I recall, like, I went to Jewish day school, Jonah. So

Speaker 1 I would wake up in the morning and I would have to rap Tfillin every single morning. And for a long period of time, that made me not want to rap Tfillin ever again in my life.

Speaker 1 And it, because I'm a spiritual person, I was able to bring myself back into loving Judaism, but I still don't rap to this day. And I think I would be rapping if I wasn't forced to rap.

Speaker 1 So there's something to setting structure, but then letting them explore and not coming down. I'm never going to be that parent that's like, I can't believe you ate non-kosher.

Speaker 1 I would never do that ever.

Speaker 1 But I am going to do my best. to always keep a kosher home.

Speaker 1 And I hope that having children will make me be a little bit better with kashru because meet Josh and I joke all the time that I'm struggling with it for sure.

Speaker 1 I've been far more kosher in my life than I am right now. And it's hard for me, especially like I cook a lot on Instagram and everybody's like, why the fuck didn't you put cheese on that?

Speaker 1 So then I put cheese on it. And then people say, oh, you're not kosher anymore.
It's like, well, I'm trying to make things that are interesting.

Speaker 2 You can't please everyone. But isn't it the freedom in saying I'm open? This is just my thought.
And so tell me, because I know I give Ben a hard time about that.

Speaker 2 I think it's like, you can't be a little pregnant.

Speaker 2 Like if you are kosher, you abide by this dietary set of law you can only eat kosher meat you i disagree i disagree too i feel like there's a spectrum i disagree vehemently okay but what i'm asking is if the only thing you subscribe to in totality of in quotes kosher is you don't eat pork yeah but you mix meat and meat and cheese you eat at non-kosher restaurants you eat non-kosher meat if you're out sometimes then to claim kosher is it's a misnomer it's it's

Speaker 1 so i'll give two i'll give two examples The first is that's like saying that somebody who's reform is not Jewish. You're saying you're Jewish, right?

Speaker 1 But by being Jewish, you're supposed to be subscribing to every single law, technically, right? But we have varying degrees of Judaism, and everybody's always trying to, it's this idea of Judaism.

Speaker 2 I wouldn't say I'm Orthodox. No, I disagree with you.
I wouldn't say I'm Orthodox, except I don't do 80% of it.

Speaker 1 And I wouldn't say that I'm kosher. And I wouldn't say that I'm

Speaker 2 a dietary set of laws. And if you're not subscribing to over three-quarters of it, I don't think you can call yourself kosher.

Speaker 1 You could say, you could say you adhere to certain aspects of being kosher.

Speaker 1 You know, it's like, unless you're somebody who follows the letter of the law, everything, everything, the reason you would keep kosher is to like, it's a reminder every day in something that you're doing that you're Jewish.

Speaker 1 That's what you're doing. And to do your and to do your best.
Like, that's what, that's what kosher is to me: is a constant reminder that God exists.

Speaker 1 And if I could, if I had the will to, I would be completely kosher. That is a dream.
A dream would be to be completely kosher. For me, I can't do it.
I love eating great foods too much.

Speaker 1 I think that unfortunately kosher restaurants in the United States stink for the most part. There's, and it's non-comparable.
Josh, me and you are going to go to dinner.

Speaker 1 We're going to go to Peter Luger's. That's going to be the best.
It's just going to be a better steak. It's just because I don't have the will.
But if I did have the will, I would love to be kosher.

Speaker 1 And to me, what Judaism is, and the key pillar for Judaism is always trying to do better.

Speaker 1 It's a constant reminder that there is, for me, a best version of me. And the best version of me is one that doesn't just have no, like, it doesn't subscribe to nothing.
It does their best.

Speaker 1 Right now, I'm at the place where I am mixing milk with meat. I still don't eat any shellfish.
I don't eat any pig products.

Speaker 1 Here's how I look at it because I grew up what I feel like was kosher, very kosher, certainly compared to what I am now, which was, you know, milk plates, meat plates, never mixing, no pork, no seafood, only kosher meat in the house.

Speaker 1 But when we would go out, we could eat meat out. So like I could go to McDonald's and have a hamburger, couldn't have a cheeseburger, but I could have a hamburger.
So that was really strict.

Speaker 1 And then in my, in my household, the rules were when you got bar mitzvah or bot mitzvah, you could make, you could decide for yourself.

Speaker 1 So like literally the day I turned 13, I was like, I'm getting cheeseburgers immediately. And I've been completely on kosher ever since.

Speaker 1 So like, comparing where I am now to what I was then, even if I wasn't doing like 100% of the kosher, like we still went out and didn't go to only kosher restaurants, but it was so kosher compared to where I am now, where I felt like, okay, that's being kosher.

Speaker 1 And what I'm doing now is not really.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I guess it's just very,

Speaker 2 I heard someone explain it the other day. I think it was Maddie Matheson was eating in Montreal, like some great Jewish smoked meat with this Chabad rabbi.

Speaker 2 And he was like, you know, so many of the laws in Judaism are inconvenienced to remind us about like the ability in which to be holy, even, you know, in the minutiae of our daily lives. Right.

Speaker 2 So I'm, i i'm a big fan of people being kosher and like adhering to the laws like i just think that there's i just think there's like if you're gonna live in that 70 to 80 percent not kosher like i don't think that there's a hierarchy of like kosher meat to to mixing milk and meat like one's not as bad as the other i think it's all it's either all good or all bad but like let's not title it let's just again try to do the best we can but leave kosher to the ones who are kosher and repping it yeah too much kosher fuguese for you.

Speaker 2 Yeah, just like rep it. Like I have a good buddy, my buddy Gabe, who I grew up with, who was Orthodox and kosher.

Speaker 2 And when he comes here, it gives me a great opportunity to take him to the three kosher restaurants I know on Pico.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And we have it and we, we love it. PKD.
Yeah. And my wife goes, like, is Gabe coming over for dinner? I go, of course not.

Speaker 2 I go, but we love Gabe and he'll come over and talk to the kids and they'll be like, cool, what's that keep on your head? And they'll be like, well, let me explain.

Speaker 2 And it's this wonderful thing that I get, I guess what I'm saying is I look up to Gabe and I think it's, I'm proud of him and I honor his ability in which to be that strict.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 2 And so I think

Speaker 2 he deserves what, in my mind, kosher is. And I think if you're not adhering to that, you're fabulous and righteous in all your own ways.
But maybe leave that moniker to Gabe.

Speaker 1 That's fair. I disagree, but I hear you.
That's fair too. I disagree, but I hear you.
Because what Jonah described is the quintessential assimilated Jew.

Speaker 1 It is having a kosher home, growing up with a kosher home, doing your best, but when you're outside, still being American, like being the American Jew.

Speaker 1 Like I don't, I don't want to not dine with my non-Jewish friends or with my Jewish friends.

Speaker 1 Like assimilation is very, very important and a key issue today and why you'll see very Orthodox Jews, placidic Jews, not being a part of the true American culture is because they're forced to to eat in restaurants that only they can eat in.

Speaker 1 And like my dream, it's an unrealistic dream, but like you go to every restaurant and every restaurant is kosher. That forces everybody to adhere to something that they don't believe in.

Speaker 1 So that doesn't make sense, but I think that the opposite isn't fair either to say you can only feel really religious and Jewish if you completely cut yourself out from the rest of the world.

Speaker 2 I don't think it's a feeling or anything within yourself.

Speaker 2 Like I think you should feel immediately, I think you're a spectacular jew and i look up to you in many ways of your judaism then for me i'm playing semantics with the word yeah and and no no i know i know

Speaker 1 of it no i totally i totally get it i just like the same way you have an opinion i just like it it doesn't sit it doesn't sit right with me that gabe shouldn't like in that example that like i look up to gabe but i also wish that gabe could have a piece of fish and come out to dinner with me right that's all like that's what i'm saying in the like i think it's too strict all i know is my wife's a vegan so she's better kosher than all of us.

Speaker 2 The Irish capital is a better vegan than all of us.

Speaker 1 That's even worse to me than being kosher.

Speaker 2 I know right now, that's against God. That's crazy.

Speaker 1 I also want to say very quickly, and then we'll move on. This is a wonderfully spirited debate, which is the key pillar of Judaism.
For sure.

Speaker 1 This is real Kavrutza right here. Correct.
The key pillar of Judaism is questions and answers. Should we get to Woody Nuts? Yes.

Speaker 2 Our Woody Nuts moment of the week is our gripes with people, places, and things both big and small everything's sticking in your craw no bad answers take your time to think of one just whatever is annoying you right now ben and i will start so you have time fabulous ben you want to kick us off i was on a flight to tampa on thursday and i watched a little show called chopped junior ever heard of it

Speaker 1 ever seen it okay

Speaker 1 this is what are nuts to its core you're watching four nine-year-olds get handed a a wicker basket filled with shrimp, a chicken pie pie. They're asked to make a full meal.

Speaker 1 They worked their ass off under pressure. Nine-year-olds, 30 minutes, they put it in front of some fat slob who tells them it's overcooked, kicks them off the show.
They start to cry.

Speaker 1 What are you nuts? These kids are so talented who put too much pressure on our youth. Chop Jr., what are you nuts? Nuts.

Speaker 2 My what are you nuts is I saw a post on the internet.

Speaker 2 There is a doomsday bunker built in Norway by the Oreo company with the recipe for Oreo locked away in it so that, God forbid, the world comes to an end, the recipe for Oreo is safe. Which I'd say,

Speaker 2 what are you, nuts?

Speaker 1 So, how would they even know that the bunker existed?

Speaker 2 Who's going to make the Oreos?

Speaker 1 Who's going to find the bunker? The dumb bunker.

Speaker 1 Jonah,

Speaker 1 my turn. So, we just moved to a new home.
And

Speaker 1 my wife is amazing at getting shit done, but in the haste to get things done, the kitchen was very randomly unpacked.

Speaker 1 So to get a plate, I have to search random drawers. I got to look over in the corner.
I find the plate. Now you would think the fork is like right above the plate, but they're not.

Speaker 1 Then I got to go searching for the fork somewhere else. All the things that I use, like my protein powders or whatever, it's like on a bottom shelf.
I'm the old man of the the house.

Speaker 1 I got to bend over. I got to get this stuff out instead of it being at eye level.
And the, I don't know whether to blame my wife or the movers, but like, what are you nuts?

Speaker 1 Like put the things that you use in the places where you are and not

Speaker 1 in the bottom and in the corner and in the crazy, I'm not able to feel at home yet in this house because the most basic, like I need a glass of water.

Speaker 1 I have to like search around for where a glass might be and it's not where you think it would be. Nuts.
What do you need? You need a kitchen organizer.

Speaker 1 You need that exists in LA. It's just, you know,

Speaker 1 it's a, it's, it's function.

Speaker 1 It's like, you know, you can't feel at home if you can't grab a bowl of cereal because you don't know where the spoon is, you don't know where the bowl is, and you don't know where the cereal is.

Speaker 1 Get Jonah his protein powder. A guy's in shapes.
Great arms. Thanks, man.

Speaker 2 Jonah, will you plug anything you want to plug?

Speaker 1 Sure. I am the second most Jewish podcast this week is my podcast, Being Jewish with Jonah Platt.

Speaker 1 We have awesome guys like you guys on, guys and gals, and non-Jewish allies on every week to explore the diverse spectrum of contemporary Jewish identity and talk about stuff that's on everybody's minds.

Speaker 1 But it's for everybody, Jews and non-Jews. And that's always been important and from the beginning.
Love it. Great podcast.
Amazing. Well, Jonah, it was an absolute pleasure.
You're a mensch.

Speaker 1 Thank you for coming on. Thanks for having us.

Speaker 1 This episode, this Pesach adjacent episode, if not five stars, what are you, nuts? Listen to us wherever you get your podcasts. Watch us on YouTube.
Share our clips, Instagram and TikTok.

Speaker 1 Mondays and Thursdays, folks, we will see you next time.

Speaker 6 Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services.

Speaker 6 Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.