Matt McCusker on Shane Gillis, Chiropractors, and Saudi Money

Speaker 1 The following podcast is a Dear Media production.

Speaker 1 the good guys.

Speaker 1 Whoa. Mazamarans, welcome back to the Good Guys Podcast.
We're here with a super guest, Ben. Please introduce.
Matt McCusker.

Speaker 2 Thank you for joining us.

Speaker 1 Nice to have you.

Speaker 2 We're here in person in Los Angeles. We're both not from L.A.
We're just stopping by, just having a workout. Josh, of course, the native.
Thank you for welcoming us to your home.

Speaker 2 Thank you to you, Gavin Newsome, Karen Bass.

Speaker 1 And we're here to help. The three-headed monster.
Hold on.

Speaker 1 We're on a group chat. Let me tell them.
He acknowledged you guys. He's okay.

Speaker 1 We don't have to send the National Guard. You guys were just talking about extreme sweating, which I get and have.
Yes.

Speaker 1 And I, and you were saying it's some meet and greets that sometimes you deal with this. Yeah, just, yeah, it's both.

Speaker 1 I'll be sweaty from performing, but then sometimes guys will just be sweaty in the audience and I'll get like a hot armpit right on my shoulder.

Speaker 1 If it's like a guy taller, just puts that wet, sweaty armpit on me. And it's just like every second it's on me.
I'm like, yeah.

Speaker 2 Are your fans more male than female yeah for sure got it yeah so it's a lot of smelly men yeah it's it's it really is it's like just guys just giant guys that's kind of most of the audience i guess yeah no i like whenever i meet a male fan i'm like you exist like you're so rare i have the opposite i have like 10 male fans really yeah i think that since we started doing the podcast i'm pulling like a couple of josh's male fans nice like like really it's like it's mainly women so i don't have to deal with the the smelly necessarily yeah They're also much shorter.

Speaker 2 Maybe they are smelly and I just can't smell them because they're like 5'1.

Speaker 1 We're taking the picture.

Speaker 2 There are armpits at my hip.

Speaker 1 True. You know? Maybe that's what it is.
I'll do a call. I do some college gigs where I'll do like a QA kind of a little bit of stand-up, but mostly it's just a Q ⁇ A.

Speaker 1 And I think kids at that age are on a hygiene journey and they're discovering what they like, likes and dislikes. And they're like, am I an old spice man or am I just a stinky dude? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm no deodorant i don't i don't wear deodorant really don't wear it yeah how long

Speaker 1 you i don't smell i don't really smell like that but you've never worn deodorant i have for sure i've worn it but the last couple years i just don't wear it anymore because i've tried the natural deodorant and that makes me smell worse right but so i won't smell but then once it's hot enough it's like i same with sweating i won't sweat but then once i start it's like so much with smelling it's like i won't smell but i then like once i get hot enough my wife will be like dude you you stink

Speaker 1 that makes sense like i don't stink on a day-to-day basis, but I go like all out working out. Then I'll just shower and hit the go outside.
Does she wear deodorant? Yeah.

Speaker 1 She's like, she freaks out if she doesn't wear it. Got it.

Speaker 2 Got it. This is fascinating.
I love it.

Speaker 1 I put on deodorant like cologne, kind of. Like it'll, for like a wedding, maybe I'll like hit a couple

Speaker 1 of those.

Speaker 1 Not before just a quick workout. You're like, oh, I'm going to CrossFit.
Let me just lace up. Not at all.
I love it. Not at all.
Working out is like, yeah, no way. I love it.

Speaker 1 I don't love it for me.

Speaker 1 But I love it. But I'm telling you, I don't really put off like a smell very far.
You have to get up close to me to smell me. Interesting.
I believe you.

Speaker 1 Give me a sniff. I'll give you a sniff.
Yeah, you guys can smell. I'm telling you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's totally fine. I'm going to give you the.
And then I'll trust you. How does he smell? Wow.

Speaker 1 It's like smelling a post-it.

Speaker 1 It's completely. It is.
There's nothing there.

Speaker 1 Honestly. Are you a ghost?

Speaker 1 I think I'm smellier than you, and I am wearing, as always, my wife's deodorant.

Speaker 2 I exclusively wear women's deodorant.

Speaker 2 i just i've done that before i'm just too lazy to continue to refill my own deodorant and she is so type a she'll never run out of deodorant to the second okay i'll get brute but when i run out of that stick of brute

Speaker 1 it's like flammable yeah i get by the way bad stuff it burns it hurts really i used to run out of brew i'm the label yeah once i run out of brute which is once every i don't know like two months yeah and then 10 months of dove claws dub that like little white bottle i used to i should take brute the stick deodorant and put it on the carpet and then light it on fire.

Speaker 1 And it would do like, it gets like a quick design that comes up and goes away. We should try that on my arm.
It messes the carpet up. I ruined a B-trend one time as a kid.

Speaker 1 It makes it a little bit crunchy. If you step on it, you're like, oh, there's something wrong with this.

Speaker 1 Oh, man.

Speaker 2 Do you think that they always talk about putting stuff in women's deodorant, though? Like, do you think I'm slowly turning into a woman because I wear women's deodorant?

Speaker 1 Is that estrogen deodorant? Right? Or is that just like folklore? No, they can't put that. That's medical.
Who knows?

Speaker 2 I can put anything in there. You should.
I make canned cocktails. And let me tell you, if I wanted to, I don't.
I could put my dirty shoe in the big that before it goes into cans.

Speaker 2 No one would ever know. That's true.

Speaker 1 You could do whatever you wanted.

Speaker 2 Anything could be in that spin drift.

Speaker 1 The label is for what the normal spin drift is and is supposed to be. But anything could be in that specific spin drift.

Speaker 2 They would have to be really comfortable getting sued and then being out of business.

Speaker 1 But if they're like on their last hurrah, they're like, fuck it.

Speaker 2 We're done selling these seltzers. We're going to throw fucking anything in there.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You only know that something's being recalled after people have already gotten fucked.

Speaker 1 You know, they just recalled. They just recalled recently because there was rice.
Like Uncle or something. I think it was Uncle Ben or something.
Instant Rice has rocks in it right now.

Speaker 1 People have been like cracking their teeth. There was true fruit.

Speaker 2 There was like, maybe it was glass. Do you know what was in true fruit did you see that?

Speaker 2 There's something fucked up in True Fruit.

Speaker 1 Which I love. Really? I love True Fruit.
True Fruit? I've never had True Fruit. What is True Fruit?

Speaker 2 It's like a frozen raspberry wrapped in chocolate.

Speaker 1 I know what you're talking about. Those are delicious.
I'm a big banana babies guy. The bananas wrapped in chocolate.
Oh, fuck. They're so good.

Speaker 1 I ruined my home with rice. I have a resentment against rice.

Speaker 1 I have a, my son, when he was born, they go, he has torticalis. You've heard of this? No.

Speaker 2 Sounds like a Greek, like Greek ant.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And Torticalis.
My favorite Greek diner. On the Lower East side.
So they go, he can't really turn left. He was like Zoolander.
Like Zoolander, yeah. Yeah.
Like his. What? It's a tight baby neck.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Okay.
And they go, we're going to recommend a baby chiropractor. I'm like, I don't believe a pediatric chiropractor.
I don't believe an adult chiropractor. Yeah, you're an anti-chiropractor guy.

Speaker 1 I'm pro-chiropractor. Are you? I love him.
Okay, we're going to talk more about this. Yeah.
Baby chiropractic is a little, I don't know, I'd be scared of that.

Speaker 1 I love them too.

Speaker 2 We should talk about it. Doesn't mean I trust him.

Speaker 1 Continue. Fair, fair, fair.
Well,

Speaker 1 so

Speaker 1 this guy comes over a very nice guy he's like a baby a pediatric pt chiropractic he goes well what you need to do is buy two five pound bags of rice you're gonna put them in between your baby's head at night right so you're gonna turn him to the correct side left plastic bags yeah yeah like full of rice big ass

Speaker 1 hard ass rice bags his neck will turn but he will suffocate

Speaker 1 and it'll just hold him in place while he sleeps and it'll slowly start to move his it was so deeply dumb oh you did it i we bought the rice we did it for 20 minutes i said paige

Speaker 1 this is deeply dumb she said this child the max is wailing never cried more i was like his neck will probably eventually work yeah

Speaker 1 so i'm like it's good rice

Speaker 1 throw it in the cabinet we didn't open it 10 pounds suddenly we have this is like six months to a year later never use the rice

Speaker 1 make rice

Speaker 1 There's these little, these little mites all around my cabinets, like these little like

Speaker 1 bugs, like these little black bugs everywhere. Like it's nuts.
So the exterminator comes, he goes, this is, these should not be in your house. Oh, no.

Speaker 2 In the rice?

Speaker 1 It was in the rice from Vietnam. I got a mite from Vietnam.
Got a free ride all the way to Bremwood. Wow.
And he's like, that's crazy.

Speaker 1 He imported rice for his neck. I don't know.
He finished going with Carolina. carolina what's the carolina rice

Speaker 1 carolina

Speaker 1 buying rice for the neck i'm with you you're gonna get the cheapest rice i'm saying the cheapest rice you're not importing from vietnam i get the best for my kids type neck no we don't need this imported rice for the neck it's long grain the bugs

Speaker 1 i asked the bt guy i'm like short grain long grain he's like just get the rice

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Speaker 1 All right, so chiropractors, what do we think? Let's have it. Well, I want your pain for you.
They hate me. So let's hear.

Speaker 1 A lot of people don't like them. I had back pain in like my late 20s and I went to a chiropractor and it was the only thing that fixed my back.

Speaker 1 One guy, I went to the orthopedic guy and he's like, you need surgery. I was like, I'm not doing that.
And then I went to a chiropractor, cracked my back into place. It like it helped it instantly.

Speaker 1 But the way they tell you is, and this is the difference, I think, between good and bad ones. Some of them will be like, keep coming in, keep coming in, keep coming in.

Speaker 1 This guy was like, I'm going to do this three times. I'm going to kind of realign you, but you have to exercise now to strengthen your back muscles to keep your spine in place.

Speaker 1 Because if you overuse something or you don't use it, it can go slack like a millimeter and then hit a nerve. So he's like, I'm going to put it into place.

Speaker 1 And then you need to start, you know, doing yoga and whatnot to like get your back aligned and keep it that way. So here's the reason some people love chiropractors and some people hate them.

Speaker 2 Because as we know, it's completely unregulated.

Speaker 2 So you're going to find an amazing chiropractor like that who diagnosed you, fixed you, said you don't need to come every week for the next 50 years so I can pay my bills.

Speaker 2 You found a diamond in the rough. Most of them are not like that.
At least the ones that I've met, they're going to crack you.

Speaker 2 And they're going to make you keep coming back.

Speaker 1 That's what I always heard. But no, I've had like, I've had a couple.
Both of them have been fantastic. Like, they'll take your blood.
They'll do blood work for you. They do a lot of stuff.

Speaker 1 I trust them more than doctors, honestly. That's amazing.
That's your claim.

Speaker 2 Our audience is going to love you. Every time we talk negatively about chiropractors, they're like, can you stop it?

Speaker 1 What's a chiropractor doing blood work for?

Speaker 1 They tested Sebastian.

Speaker 1 They test for stuff outside. You go to a regular doctor, they go, your cholesterol is high.
You need blood, you need that medication. You need this.

Speaker 1 Chiropractors are like, they do stuff that's more like, well, and I don't know if any of this is true, but they'll be like, like, well, if you stop eating so many carbohydrates, you need carbohydrates to make cholesterol in the first place, cut the car.

Speaker 1 They just go into like alternative health stuff that I've had better luck with.

Speaker 2 You have the greatest chiropractor.

Speaker 1 I might have.

Speaker 2 It sounds like you have like a ninja.

Speaker 1 Well, you know what it is, though? They get, they do get a bad rap because there is the whole accident.

Speaker 1 injury lawyer chiropractor connection and that can get really shady where they're like keep if you're in like a lawsuit they'll put like electrodes on your back yeah and be like we're going to do this every day for a month and get you 45 000 bucks for a fake injury so you got to to watch.

Speaker 1 There is like that greasy connection of like.

Speaker 2 Where is your chiropractor?

Speaker 1 Like, what type of office?

Speaker 2 What type of office? This is a.

Speaker 1 Just a quiet little, like, you know, it's like you, like an unassuming kind of like professional complex and you walk in there. Professional complex.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And the other one was in New Jersey a long time ago. That guy was a medical doctor who became a chiropractor.
Wow. I've had a lot of personal injury claims.
They're nice. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, yeah, they'll kind of makes you want an accident.

Speaker 1 I said the YMCA.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I fell out of a window at the the YMCA when I was 10. No, younger.
What story? How high up?

Speaker 1 One, but it was high. It was,

Speaker 2 it was like, it was high and he was large.

Speaker 1 I was on my large journey and it was, it was probably like eight feet high. It was one of those, I went to a 150-year-old public school in New York, PS40, on 20th between first and second.

Speaker 1 Like this, this building was like a historic landmark. So the windowsills, I was like trying to look into the auditorium and I'm standing on this bench.
And so I kind of hop up on this thing.

Speaker 1 It was the after-school program because I have a single mom who is only okay about me, not a big fan of mine. And so I would go to school till six every day.

Speaker 1 And so I'm like kind of searching into the auditorium and I can't see anything. And I go to get back on the bench and the bench flips and I put my arms down and I shattered my arm.

Speaker 1 Someone, you want to see something gross? I showed this yesterday on the purchase. Oh, is this why? So, yeah.
Oh, like that. God.
Did not heal. We don't need to see that.

Speaker 1 That was worth $130,000 from the McBurney YMCA.

Speaker 1 Probably ruining the NDA at this point.

Speaker 1 But then, of course, my mom, and God bless her, she's the greatest, but she didn't know that, like,

Speaker 1 literally, she's like, we got 140 grand. It only took like six years and you having to testify 18 times.
Yeah, yeah. And the process, it does take a long time.

Speaker 1 And the lawyer, she's like, and then when we got the check, it was like, 70% gone. Like the lawyers took all of it.
Yeah, they take a lot.

Speaker 1 Well, I didn't, I was in a taxi cab. This is how I got hooked up with like the chiropractors from like injury stuff.

Speaker 1 I was in a taxi cab, a couple people, we got in an accident in the cab, but I was like really fine. I had a little bit of whiplash.

Speaker 1 But the one person I was with, she was like, I need to go to a hospital to get looked at. I was like, okay.
So she went to the hospital and I rode with her.

Speaker 1 And since I was like mentioned in the incident report or whatever they filled out. The lawyers got my number and name and they were just like pinging me non-stop.

Speaker 1 Like, hey, we're just really worried about you, man. I'm like, I am so naive.
I was like, what about nice guys?

Speaker 1 Just go get checked out by my friend. I'm like, thanks, man.
I went in there. And then the guy was like, he's like, you got to keep coming in.
I'm like, dude, I'm really fine. He like sat me down.

Speaker 1 He goes, dude, you can get like 50 grand if you just keep coming. And I told my dad about it.
And he was like, my dad's like a business owner. He was like, don't you fucking dare.

Speaker 1 If you do that, I'll never talk to you ever again. I don't want, you know, he was, he was like very honest.
Very anti, very anti.

Speaker 1 Bless. But I also, I didn't get hurt.
I really didn't get hurt. You got hurt.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's fine that same elbow hurt show them that elbow i'm like yeah it's such 150 g's for sure i can't stop thinking about what you just that was

Speaker 1 there so there were no bars on the window this is pre-bars pre-bars because it's a first floor yeah so i it was wild but then it's so funny because then when these cases go you go see the doctor that the lawyer finds you your lawyer yeah and that doctor's like that arm will never be the same and then of course you have to go see the doctor from the insurance company and they go that arm has never been better

Speaker 1 Who do I trust? Yeah, the insurance doctor's like, I'll give you something to cry about. You want to cry? Yeah, they're not as forgiving.

Speaker 1 And I'll never forget when you're sitting in, like, I'm nine, and I'm sitting in these offices with all these people who have personal injury claims.

Speaker 1 So, this like super Italian, probably on some level of cocaine, window washer, is like, So, then, kid, you never guessed. He goes, The scaffolding broke

Speaker 1 13 stories I felt. I go, that's impossible

Speaker 1 i'm like listen dog i'm not the judge 13 stories yeah please i'm like i do you're dead on impact like yeah 13 stories unless each story is a foot it's like a house for mice yeah

Speaker 1 i i know a guy who like legitimately got very hurt at a job he was about to get a hundred thousand bucks and the you know and that he like the lawyer was just like look man lay low because it does take a while so he was you know he was just in his house he's off work to get this monster settlement.

Speaker 1 And the insurance investigators had caught him playing street hockey, basically. Shit.
He was supposed to get a big payday. And the lawyers will loan you money, too, if they know you have a good case.

Speaker 1 Like, we'll pay your bills for now, but we're going to get our cut on the back end. So I think it was some, he was going to get 100,000 after it was all said and done.
The lawyers got their cut.

Speaker 1 And he was in court. And he was like, you know, had like the full setup neck race.

Speaker 1 And the guy, the whatever, the prosecution or whatever defendants from the insurance company just hit the picture of him playing goalie in street hockey.

Speaker 1 And he said his lawyer, just he's like i couldn't even look at him i could feel him just drilling into the side of my face and i had to look straight ahead it's hysterical can they then sue him like is there like a countersuit there where you know that he's defrauding the insurance company and all of a sudden i don't think it would have been worth their while you know what i mean i don't think he had a lot of money to begin with so they it would have been kind of like you know getting money out of rock so he just they just kind of they were just like you you know they took it i guess they just took it but yeah we were talking about this before did you know matt swive used to be a police officer I didn't.

Speaker 1 Where? In Philly? Amazing. Three years.
She became a police officer three years. Well, she wanted to be a criminal forensics, like a scientist.
Like CSS. She went to school for that.

Speaker 1 She had her master's in forensic science. And then when she was in Philly, they were like, well, if you want to do forensic science, it's better if you're a sworn officer.

Speaker 1 Cause, you know, you're like, I don't know. I guess you got a better job.
But then she got there and they were like, yeah, you have to be a sworn officer for years before you even get to do that.

Speaker 1 So she was just like a cop, like a patrol cop. She's so small too.
She's like 5'2 or five one so she was just like tiny lady out there like breaking into domestics

Speaker 1 philly is no joke no in her district she was in was especially like they were there was like like legit gangs like gang warfare she would she would have to watch videos every day if you're a cop apparently they send you all the stuff that happened in philly like you'd have to watch videos of like murders inside of a deli holy we'd wake up and she'd be watching this stuff and i'm like turn that off she's like it's part of my she's like it's part of my job i gotta know what's going on i'm like this is going to mess you up, man.

Speaker 1 Like, God. It's a game tape for cops.
Oh, yeah. They have to see what's going on.
And the other thing, too, there's like this, like, you know, like people die all the time, even of natural causes.

Speaker 1 If you're a cop, you have to just sit with a dead body for like four hours until the coroner people come to take it away. So you have to just like

Speaker 1 a guy who's been in there for a week, no one knows. You got to sit with that in an apartment.

Speaker 1 It's the hardest job. I didn't know any cops growing up.
And after she became one, I'm like, that's the hardest job in the world.

Speaker 2 It's horrible.

Speaker 1 did she ever have to pull her gun i think she did once well because also when you're as small as her you have more reason you know to pull one because it's like if you're like you know if you're a six foot three guy and some guy comes at you you're not allowed to pull your gun if you're a five foot two lady like pull your gun yeah i whenever i think she pulled it once i think whenever i see a smaller forgive me lady cop i'm like pull that all day yeah like don't let any of these dudes get close forget about it be like really rick like are we really gonna do this today oh they would would, too.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I am.
Yeah. I'm terrified of lady caps.
Is she getting?

Speaker 1 Now, where would she go for coffee breaks? A Wawa? This is Philly. Yeah, it'd be like a Wawa Duncan, big

Speaker 1 classic. That's worth being a cop alone.
Yeah. Oh, a lot of free stuff, too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Say more.
Yeah, a lot of free stuff. You go into places, a lot of discounts.

Speaker 1 If you're in uniform, most places are like, just take it. Wow.
Just take it. Get out of here.
Because they want you to look out for them.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but some of the cops get a little because my dad never liked cops. He thinks they're freeloaders.
So he was like, he does. He's like, they're fucking freeloaders.

Speaker 1 But they're, because he had a trash company. So they'd always be like, you know, like, he would hook up someone with a dumpster.
And they're like, well, my friend wants one too.

Speaker 1 And he'd be like, okay. He's like, well, he's an officer.
He's like, I don't fucking care. I'm not giving him a free dumpster.

Speaker 1 So my dad was always anti-cop for funny reasons. But the, but yeah, man, that's like, they do get a lot of free stuff.
And it. You get it.

Speaker 1 Once you see, once you get to actually witness their job, it's like, yeah, I get it. Yeah, they deserve some free shit.
And it's so good. I think so too, man.

Speaker 1 Like, not only is the job like, it's like you're sitting still for two hours in a car and then you eat lunch and then something happens.

Speaker 1 You got to get out of your car and sprint after a guy who might have a gun, who might not. You don't know.
So, yeah, it's just, it's just a hard job.

Speaker 1 And they're doing it where like one day you're six in the morning, two weeks later, you're working overnight. It's like,

Speaker 1 it's the worst.

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Speaker 2 These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

Speaker 2 This episode of the Good Guys Podcast is brought to you by our friends at Cygnos. Folks, I love Cygnos, and you're going to love Cygnos because we love learning about our bodies, right?

Speaker 2 We love understanding, okay, I'm going to eat Russ and Daughters on the podcast because Josh graciously brought it to me. That said, it was sabotage.
He knew would put me to sleep.

Speaker 2 Why does it put me to sleep? Why would a bagel put me to sleep? That doesn't make sense. It doesn't put Claudia to sleep when she has a bagel.
Maybe it doesn't put you to sleep when you have a bagel.

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Okay. I know that if I eat a salad.
Okay.

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Lentil soup, no spike. I love a lentil soup.
French onion, fantastic.

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You shouldn't want that. We should be constantly trying to get better and learning more about our bodies.

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Speaker 2 Speaking of your wife, can we talk about the Espys? I'm sure you've told this story a thousand times,

Speaker 2 but so unbelievably iconic.

Speaker 1 It's great. Iconic.
Can you tell the story? Yeah. So

Speaker 1 I got like invited to go to the Espies. Like, you know, Shane's manager is like, do you want to go? And I've been.
Your podcast co-host, great Shane Gillis, right?

Speaker 1 So I'm like, she's like, do you want to go? And I was like, I don't know. I don't feel like going.
I've been traveling a lot. I don't want to travel.

Speaker 1 And I like, I just, you know, that was like a thing. And then I tell my wife, like, a week before, I was like, oh, yeah, I could have went.
We could have went. We could have both went.

Speaker 1 She was like, I want to do it. And I'm like, I don't feel like it.
She's like, I want to do something fun. I was like, we're not going.
I don't care. We're not going.

Speaker 1 And she just kept killing me just the whole week. Just like, this is the other.
And finally, I was like, fine, we'll go. So, you know, long story short, we go.

Speaker 1 And like, it was three days before that I decided to go. And Shane texted her being like, hey, we're thinking of doing this joke.
You know, we're going to say you're like a WNBA player.

Speaker 1 She was just kind of like, yeah, okay.

Speaker 1 But she showed me the text and I read the joke and I like was about to get in the shower. I stopped and I just went, it's perfect.

Speaker 1 It's going to work, first of all. Yeah.
And that's hilarious.

Speaker 1 And I was just so excited when it finally happened. It was, it worked out exactly how I knew it would.

Speaker 1 And I got to see, because I was so close to the people who were clapping like, oh, yeah, give it up to her.

Speaker 1 When he announced it was a joke, even on the replay, you see people in the back being like, damn it,

Speaker 1 you got me on camera.

Speaker 1 It was so funny. And then she said she's 5'1, which only adds to how hysterical she's.
She's hysterical.

Speaker 1 I mean, she was sitting, to be fair.

Speaker 1 But also, you can kind of tell she's on camera, like scrunched in her seat.

Speaker 2 No, you have... For anybody who hasn't seen it, you have to watch the clip.
It was the funniest thing I've ever seen. She's literally like, there's a WNBA player here.

Speaker 1 Four-time champion, by the way.

Speaker 1 Yeah, standing on the receiver. It's like, no, it's just a random woman.
Well, it was also a room full of sports people. These are like the most sports people you can find.

Speaker 1 And even they were like, yeah, I think I heard. Like, if I did that to the NFL, they'd be like, wait, huh? You know, it was a four-time champion.
What name did he give her? Like, what was she?

Speaker 1 Brittany Hicks. That was her maiden name.
So it was like Britney Hicks. Britney Hicks, four-time champion, standing ovation.

Speaker 1 It just goes,

Speaker 1 you almost like attribute it to like the Will Smith Chris Rock moment at the Oscars. It It was so viral.
It is such revealing of a crowd. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're all to blame. It was so funny.

Speaker 2 And as like you mentioned, is she currently a police officer?

Speaker 1 No, no, no. Yeah, she just got done with that.
But she's a civilian. Right.
So like for her to go viral, like how amazing. And did she love it? She had a great reaction when they cut her.

Speaker 1 And she was like, she did the perfect wave. I always told her before, I was like, she should have been an actor.

Speaker 1 She was like really, she's always very good at that. So yeah, she nailed the wave.
It was good. She

Speaker 1 got almost like overwhelmed by like people, like we would get coffee and they'd be like, oh my God, Brittany. And I'd be next to her like, I'm a comedian, too.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 But it was very funny to watch her just get all that attention because she was really like, because I think she does thrive on attention, but that was the point where she's like, I don't, this is too much for me, man.

Speaker 1 Yeah. But deep down inside, I think she did love it.
It was so good. It was.
It was funny. I loved it.
So you have this new special out that we want to promote.

Speaker 1 And I'm always fascinated to know of like, because I'm such a big fan of stand-ups.

Speaker 1 And it always seems like there's the journey of like, you're grinding it out, you're doing gigs, you start to build the hour, and then it's like finding a home for it.

Speaker 1 So what did that, what did that look like for you? Honestly, I was like, just, I always plan on putting them on YouTube. So I was like, I'm going to put it on YouTube.

Speaker 1 And then like, you know, my agent called me, my manager's like, we're going to put it on Netflix. And I was like, oh, nice.
Like, fuck you. Great.
That's awesome.

Speaker 1 That's fantastic. Ian Finance is like, fuck.

Speaker 1 But like,

Speaker 1 but is that also, because there's such pressure to finding a home. I love, we're big fans of Chrissy D, Chris DeSil.

Speaker 1 And he similarly had one of those moments where he's like, I'm going to film it and maybe it'll find a home. Maybe it won't.
I'm going to self-finance it.

Speaker 1 And then he wasn't expecting that Netflix was like, yeah, because everyone when he pitched it said no. See, I got the offer before I filmed it.
Oh.

Speaker 1 So they were like, they were going to put it out in January. So they were like, we're going to do it in January.
But I was like, I knew I was going to film it in June.

Speaker 1 So I was just done with the material. And I was like, I guess I can just sit for a while.
And then they bumped it up. Thank God.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, I just, I just view it as like the special is just a commercial that helps you sell tickets. I like to keep it real simple.
So if it goes on YouTube, that gets a lot of eyeballs.

Speaker 1 Netflix is awesome. I was like happy about it.
But yeah, then it's like, it is pressure. Just for me, the pressure was like filming it because it was a much bigger production than the first.

Speaker 1 The first one was like a couple of guys with the camera. Yeah.
The second one was like pretty, they went all out. It was pretty massive.
Where did you shoot at? Ontario, California. Ontario improv.

Speaker 1 A lot of people were like, don't, don't do it there.

Speaker 1 Why? They were just like, why are you going to Ontario? Why, of all places, did you go to Ontario? And I was like,

Speaker 1 it's a fair question. I love doing the Temecula yuck yucks.

Speaker 1 I just like the club. And I had done that material in so many different clubs that I knew of.
That was the only one I've done before that I didn't do that material in that I remembered liking.

Speaker 1 So even like the club itself was like,

Speaker 1 yeah, sure, sure, if you want. I don't know.
They were like, we're almost like,

Speaker 1 if you want to, you can. I don't know why you would, but I loved it.
It turned out good, man. I was, I was pretty happy with it.

Speaker 1 And how many of them, because I know you have to shoot multiple performances so you have it in the edit. Like, how many times did you do it? Four.
I did two nights, two shows, two nights.

Speaker 1 And is there a piece from each performance?

Speaker 1 I think.

Speaker 1 I think what happens is the goal is to get one show you love. And then use that as like, they call it like the hero show.
So that's like the backbone of it.

Speaker 1 And then like, say, I flubbed a line in that, you just grab from another night. So I think maybe we use mostly two,

Speaker 1 and maybe barred into like one more show if that for like certain things.

Speaker 1 And you're touring now? Yeah. Yeah.
I'm just starting back up. I have like a new hour I'm trying to work on.
So. How'd you settle on what you were going to wear? That's big.

Speaker 1 Literally trying to dress like this,

Speaker 1 really. Like Jim Jeffries, who's been on the pod?

Speaker 2 He seems cool as a cucumber. He made the special for YouTube just happened to go on Netflix.

Speaker 1 This is the way you do it.

Speaker 1 You set the bar low, and then you're just incredibly fucking excited. Exactly.
Great. That's exactly what I do.
It's great. It's smart because then you're never let down.

Speaker 1 Exactly. It's only positive.

Speaker 1 I'm telling you, I look at it just very nuts and bolts. It's like, I'm just a small business owner.
This is what I do.

Speaker 1 And, you know, you put it out there, you make the money off it, and you go, I love it. Yeah.
Wow. It's kind of how I look at it.
Do you like performing in jeans? That's what I do. I always wear jeans.

Speaker 1 I just wore jeans in a t-shirt, but there was, I will say, though, though, the t-shirt itself, I had a really, because my wife was in my ears like, you always wear t-shirts that are too big for you, but if I have a tight t-shirt, I can't, especially stand up.

Speaker 1 If it's like clinging to me, it like.

Speaker 2 Are you a very physical person on stage?

Speaker 1 A little bit, more and more so. Yeah.
This one I was pretty physical. So it was like, I don't know.
I just like finally, because I'm in between a large and a medium. Some mediums are too small.

Speaker 1 Some large is too small. Yeah, you're an extra medium.
I'm an extra medium. That's exactly what I'm doing.
Oh, I know. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I know that world. Are you an extra large? But I'm a large.
I'm a true large. True large.
I'm a true large. I'm an extra medium.

Speaker 2 I'm a true extra large.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Right.
That's awesome.

Speaker 1 I thought I was an extra large. No, this is an XL.
This is a little roomy, right?

Speaker 1 It is extra.

Speaker 2 You think I'm an extra large?

Speaker 1 What would you call it? Large extra?

Speaker 2 Somewhere between the large and the extra large.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think so. There's different cuts, boys.
True. It's a different cut.
You're an athleisure. No, by the way, I'm 100%.

Speaker 2 This is only comfortable because it's a wide cut. A slim cut XL barely fits.
Anything like French or like an overseas brand, Paul Smith, please. I'm not even like a triple X.

Speaker 1 I can't, there's certain jeans where like my thighs are, they don't fit in the jeans. That's where like, me too.

Speaker 1 I need, I need the regular, if it's like slim jeans, I'm like, I can't, literally can't wear them. I look insane.

Speaker 2 It's why I stopped wearing jeans. I used to always wear jeans.
I found these like stretchy pants that just look like pants. Yeah.
I think a lot of brands make them. The theory one's amazing.

Speaker 2 I wear them all the time. They also double with suit pants.
The black pants, I wear with a suit jacket.

Speaker 1 That's cool. I wear one pair of pants all week.
Yeah. That's free.
I don't smell. No, it's not we washing.

Speaker 1 Right. Yeah, no, I think that the like Jim Jeffries in his new special, and I only say this because it's what I would do.
He went a dark denim black t-shirt.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, that's a guy like me who wants to look slim. Yeah.
So like smart. Slim.
Get it? Good move. Yeah, I don't think it's funny.

Speaker 1 My wife literally just said, she's like, you got to wear different pants. You look kind of fat in the Netflix special.
And I was like, I see that a little bit, but I just, I don't know.

Speaker 1 I don't see it.

Speaker 2 This man can't look fat.

Speaker 1 She said a little chubby. She's like, I had a little, and I get what she said.
That's a good wife. That's a good wife.
It was a tight shirt. The shirt was a little tight.

Speaker 1 And I did it, you know, obviously I have a little punch. So it was pronounced.
But for me, I'm like, I don't care. Yeah, live it up.
Yeah, just let it go, man. Yeah.
You can't do anything about it.

Speaker 1 Should we get to a story? Yeah, please. We had a couple stories teed up.
Nice. Might as well, you know, people want to hear our opinions on things.
They're dying for it.

Speaker 1 Well, there's a UK health agency that cites benefits of first cousin marriage in Bizarre Report.

Speaker 1 Unsurprisingly, sparks outrage the UK's National Health Service came under fire after publishing guidance that experts claimed and promoted interfamily unions despite well-documented concerns I guess the UK is like it ain't that bad and even having children with a once removed relative kind of cool

Speaker 1 okay yeah okay so the UK just you're saying they outlawed first cousin marriage No, they're down for it. They're down.
They're promoting it. They're promoting it.
Since when?

Speaker 2 Since this article from the Post.

Speaker 1 Since the New York Post decided. Why do you think that is? If I had to get your guys'.
I don't know. Maybe the queen.
I feel like the whole, the whole royal family, they married first cousins.

Speaker 2 If the royals are doing it, why can't the police be?

Speaker 1 Small talk's hard.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I wonder.
I wonder why they would push that right now.

Speaker 2 I'm a big fan of arranged marriages.

Speaker 1 I am too.

Speaker 2 Now that I have a son, I have a four and a half month old son. I'm like, I would love to be best friends with whoever you end up marrying.
So why can't we just settle it now?

Speaker 1 Well, it's also like, what is your son going going to that? That was my whole thing. I always always like arranged marriage is crazy.

Speaker 1 Then I started being like, what am I basing my relationships off of? And it was just like, boobs. I was going like, I like your boobs.
And then I'm like trying to build a life with you on that.

Speaker 1 It's tough. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then imagine you get both.

Speaker 2 You get a great family and boobs.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Right? True.
You could get both. Yeah.
Yeah. You really have to.
Well, that'd be weird too. Cause then like, my thing is like, is this, am I married to someone like my dad thinks is hot?

Speaker 1 Then it's kind of like, I'd be kind of a little bit.

Speaker 2 But your dad would think that the mom is hot. Like, you would have to pick a big-chested mother.
True. Then you'd know that the arranged marriage had a shock, right?

Speaker 1 But I have to think about that because I have three boys. And so, like, there's a good chance that even in my 50s, I'm going to have eyes that work.

Speaker 1 And I'm going to think that their girlfriends are babes. You are.
I mean, you're going to keep it to yourself.

Speaker 1 They're wives. Sure.
Their wives. Not their girlfriends.
They'll be too young. But like, you know,

Speaker 1 just got to keep that that one in.

Speaker 1 Girlfriends are not babes, son. No, but

Speaker 1 they're nice. But, like, that's an issue.
He has a lovely woman. Yeah.

Speaker 1 By the way, it's not an issue. You keep it to yourself.
Yeah. It's not an issue.
We have wandering eyes. No, you can't talk about it.
You can't be like, hell yeah, Max.

Speaker 1 Your wife, Max, is a fucking smoke.

Speaker 1 It's not you. You're not going to say anything.
I'm never going to say it. I don't even want to think it.
You're going to think it. Yo, she's a great girl.
That's how you say. She's a great person.

Speaker 1 She's a great person. Great.
Great family.

Speaker 1 She's her mother with a great chest.

Speaker 1 Boy, did her mother have a great chest. I keep waiting for the hype of boobs to wear off at 38 years old, being married over eight years.
It doesn't. Bibbled.
So, like, these are awesome.

Speaker 1 It never will. Yeah.
It's biblical. It's the best.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. They'll never.
Yeah. It never wears off.
No. I don't think women think that about our stuff.
Not at all. It's not natural.

Speaker 1 They don't at all. Yeah, they're not.

Speaker 2 I'm disgusted by myself.

Speaker 1 No good. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Wish I had boobs.

Speaker 1 I kind of do. And I wish I did.
I fully had boobs.

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Speaker 1 Well, in the article, it also says in every pregnancy, there's a 2% to 3% risk that a child from two unrelated people will have a birth defect.

Speaker 1 However, the risk will double to about 5 to 6% when the parents are first cousins. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Vice did a thing on this. Vice did a thing on incest.
I think it was English. I forget where it was, but yeah, they were pointing out like it's not cool.

Speaker 1 And people were like, yeah, we're doing it anyway.

Speaker 2 It's definitely not cool. Like, you can, I've seen it's like webbed feet.
Like, you get one of those, then you become an Olympic swimmer.

Speaker 1 Webbed feet's cool. It's fun.
It's a fun party trick. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You can't wear Birken socks.
Oh, God. Well, so you know what? So it goes up from 3% or 1-3 to 5-6.

Speaker 1 Kind of low. That is pretty low.
I thought it was like a guaranteed me too. Like, you know.

Speaker 1 If your cousin Sidney Sweeney,

Speaker 1 that's a tough cousin to have. Yeah.
You're rolling the dice with five to six. Yeah, that's fair.
You are. I'm cutting that out.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Should we just throw moron mail?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, by the way, we call our listeners morons.

Speaker 1 That's why. Okay, good.

Speaker 1 All right. So more on mail.
If you want to ask us advice, ask a question, go to speakpipe.com slash good guys. Keep it brief.
Brevity is key. Let's.

Speaker 2 Go to the link in our bio. Yes.
The link in our bio works as well.

Speaker 1 This first one's from Christy Murphy.

Speaker 3 Hey, guys. So I've been with my boyfriend for 10 years.

Speaker 1 Yep, a whole decade.

Speaker 4 And he actually proposed six years ago.

Speaker 3 And then we just never made any wedding plans.

Speaker 5 Anyway, we still live separately.

Speaker 1 I've got two kids that aren't his, but he does come over on the weekends.

Speaker 3 We hang out, get our sexy time in, and then he dips. But if there's like a family function or I need a date, he's always there.

Speaker 6 It's almost like he's a part-time husband.

Speaker 3 So do you think I am living the dream or just avoiding commitment? Anyway, let me know.

Speaker 5 Thank you. Love you guys.
Bye. Wow.

Speaker 2 I've never heard that in my life. Okay, so they've been together for 10 years.
He He proposed six years ago. They never got married.
Yeah. He comes over on the weekends to fuck.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then whenever she needs a plus one to a wedding, he's always there. Yeah.
It sounds to me like it's perfect for her. So I think it might work.

Speaker 1 It's definitely unconventional. Well, if it was perfect for her, she wouldn't send the message.
She's having doubts, obviously. That's true.
True.

Speaker 1 Is it? It might be outside pressure. That's the main question.
Is it outside pressure she's getting, or is she genuinely being like, Mac, I guess, you know, sounds on paper, sounds kind of nice. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But if that's what you want, yeah, true. I don't know.
That would have kind of freaked me out if I just was gone. Also,

Speaker 1 yeah, what the hell? He's just gone. You know, I don't know.
That's the question. That's, I don't know.
If she's like, am I living the dream? It's like, well, only she can answer that.

Speaker 2 That's the part that threw me through a loop.

Speaker 1 Threw me through a loop. Four.
Four.

Speaker 2 Like, clearly she's happy. If she's saying, if she's even questioning, am I living the dream?

Speaker 1 Then clearly she's happy. No, I would argue that no, because it's like, why?

Speaker 1 If you were living the dream, you you wouldn't even question if you're living the dream, but nobody would ever think that that's living the dream. It sounds so bizarre.

Speaker 1 My wife would not be happy with it. It sounds more, to me, it sounds more like a thing.
A dude would be like, this is the best, and a girl would be like, I can't stand this. In my experience, right?

Speaker 1 So, yeah, I think,

Speaker 1 I don't think she's living the dream. No, she's not living the dream.

Speaker 1 But there could be like social pressure too, where she's like, it kind of works for us, but I know because of just Hallmark movies, it shouldn't be this way. That's the question.

Speaker 1 Yeah, either she's being like, I don't like this, or outside forces are going like, this is not right.

Speaker 1 I also know that my mom has friends in their 70s who are either divorced or like widowed, and they have this exact setup because the kids are out of the house, and they're like, I don't want to, I don't want them in my bed, but I want to go out to dinner Saturday night and hook up here and there.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, sounds elite. Sounds nice.

Speaker 2 They said it makes sense minus the fact that she's a six-year fiance.

Speaker 2 That's the part that's strange. Without the he proposed six years ago when we just never got married.

Speaker 1 yeah, that's weird.

Speaker 2 If this is just like a, they're just boyfriend, girlfriend living life, they're happy on the weekends. That makes sense.
Why did he propose?

Speaker 1 Well, I think he like it probably also checked a box for her. Like, she took a deep breath when it happened.

Speaker 1 Like, all right, he, he made the leap, even though we haven't made it official at the courthouse. Like, he's mine.
I got him. We're married.
Check quarterly TV.

Speaker 1 He's like a super boyfriend. Yeah.
That's kind of all it is. It's like a, yeah, that's a, I need, I needed this lady to, I need more details because this is.

Speaker 2 It's like the extra medium.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It is funny to be together to propose and be like, yeah, we never got married. I don't know.
They sound like they're both kind of pretty indecisive.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Weird.
And he has kids, too, right? Two. Two kids.

Speaker 2 And she takes care of them?

Speaker 1 That's a big question, too. We need her to call in.
We need a call-in feature. Oh, you have to know.
The big question is, are they cousins or not? That's what I need to know.

Speaker 1 This sounds like cousin behavior. Yeah.

Speaker 2 This is cousiny.

Speaker 1 We're pro-cousins. Sure.
Next one's from Emma.

Speaker 5 Hey, good guys. Desperately need your help and advice.
What's something I'm dealing with right now? So I am an elementary school librarian, and I am also recently divorced.

Speaker 5 And so obviously that's a well-known thing around work just because I did go back to my maiden name due to not having children together.

Speaker 5 But the other night, I received a text message from a male coworker, and I will read it to you. Hello, Emma.
It would mean a lot to me if you would join me for dinner this Saturday night at 5.30.

Speaker 5 I can't decide between Pisano's or Texas Roadhouse. Any preference? Afterwards, I was thinking we could go for a stroll.
Let me know.

Speaker 5 What are you, nuts? Sir, you're 15 to 20 years older than me.

Speaker 1 We are co-workers and no, thank you.

Speaker 5 The problem is, obviously I see him every day at work. We have recess duty together.

Speaker 6 So there is no avoiding this man.

Speaker 5 I did respond and say thank you for the offer but i am not interested but now just every day is so incredibly awkward do

Speaker 5 what do i do do i just hope that as time goes on it becomes less awkward do i keep being a couple minutes late to recess duty to avoid talking to him what do i do because i do not have enough sick leave to get me to may thank you

Speaker 2 I think just forget about it. Shooter's going to shoot.

Speaker 1 He's shot. It's done.

Speaker 2 Exactly. He's moved on to the next.
Like if he's shooting at the librarian at his school, believe me, he's shooting.

Speaker 1 He asked me. He's in the gun range.
Like, he missed you. He caught somebody else.

Speaker 1 Older guys, too, really do that. They'll just like throw it out there so shamelessly.
So, yeah, he sent a nice text. He didn't like corner.
He said, hey, it would mean the world to me.

Speaker 1 It's also a pretty crazy way to put it.

Speaker 1 It would mean the world to me.

Speaker 2 He crafted that text with somebody. I was playing golf the other day and the caddy was probably like mid-50s, early 60s, and he came to me.
He's like, I really like this girl.

Speaker 2 Can you help me craft this text?

Speaker 1 And I looked at him. I'm like, I just met you five minutes ago.
What are you nuts?

Speaker 2 But it sounds like that same type of deal where this was a crafted text. You probably like sat with like a couple buddies.
Hey, this girl's cute. She's recently single.
She works at my school.

Speaker 2 Help me come up with this text. Shot as shot.

Speaker 2 Didn't work out. On to the next.

Speaker 1 Also, the options for Pesanos or Texas Roadhouse. It's like, you don't have to be that specific.

Speaker 1 I'm debating between chilies and applebees. I can't pick.
Can't lose. They're great.
Can't lose.

Speaker 1 What's the other one? Texas Roadhouse and Baisanos. What's Baisanos? I don't know.
It sounds like

Speaker 1 Italian. Yeah, it's gotta be Italian.

Speaker 1 Maybe you write back, let's do a bang bang. You heard of this? Yeah, double dinner.
Two restaurants in one night. Ooh, yeah.
That's my kind of date. Yeah.
That would be nice. High Roadhouse.

Speaker 1 That'd be odd. Yeah, that's...
Wow. That's weird.

Speaker 1 I mean, I agree with you. He shot a shot, man.
Move on. He said no.

Speaker 1 and if he, if he presses the issue, then I think that's when you'd have a real complaint of being like, now he's pushing it and this is kind of uncomfortable. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That would be, that would be a good revealing way of figuring out if the girl you're going on to date with like is is is on your level. If you're like first state, double dinner.
Yeah, true.

Speaker 1 Could you imagine?

Speaker 2 Yeah, you immediately know who's on Ozempic and who isn't.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like back in the day, I make it through three dinners.

Speaker 1 Now I can't get through half a dinner. It's terrible.
It kind of sounds awesome. Now, what? The triple dinner? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, it's amazing.

Speaker 1 Triple would be nice. Double.
I've done double. It's really nice.
Yeah. Never.
I don't think I ever have. No, I haven't either.

Speaker 2 I mean, I have, like, I've ordered in from multiple places and like sat on my couch and eaten until I wanted to cry.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's nice. That's kind of the same thing, right? Yeah, sure.
Okay.

Speaker 1 When I was, when I was 300 pounds at 15 years old and on television,

Speaker 1 I would eat a large Domino's pizza breadsticks and whatever their dessert offering was. It was usually a cinna sticks and or a molten lava cake.
And I'd eat it all.

Speaker 2 There's nothing more fun than when you feel like you can eat an unlimited amount. You're in that groove.

Speaker 1 You're just, yeah. I'm just eating, I'm watching Real World Road Rules Challenge

Speaker 1 Parmesan sauce.

Speaker 1 The cine sticks afterwards, man. Yeah, they were so good.
After you're already full from, I guess, eating a whole pizza is like a loaf of bread. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then eat a sweet loaf of bread on top of that. It does feel good.

Speaker 1 They should name it that.

Speaker 1 Sweet loaf of bread. Sweet loaf of bread.

Speaker 1 Sweet loaf of Zack Cody.

Speaker 1 All right. One more.
Let's see. I'm trying to find a good one.
Okay. This next one is from

Speaker 1 Sarah.

Speaker 1 Hey, good guys.

Speaker 5 I'm on my way to work listening to the pod as I do. So sweet of you, Josh, to go to a...

Speaker 1 Oh, this was us. We got, someone invited us to their wedding.
Oh, nice. But they left out the important part because we said we'd love to go to someone's wedding for a low.
A small fee. Yeah.

Speaker 1 100 grand. Okay.
That's it. Just a small fee.
That's it. We'd love to attend.
For a small fee. Sarah invited us to her wedding.
Spoiler alert. For free? Mention no fee.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That's nice.

Speaker 1 Just send your address, Sarah. We'll send you a gift.
We'll send you a gift. Yeah, the gift is not going.
I'm not going. No.

Speaker 1 Sorry, Sarah. I thought I was like, yeah, I've got those invoices.
I'm like, no, not that. Yeah, have you gotten invited to? Yeah, please come and be.
I'm like, no way. No, I don't.

Speaker 1 It sounds like a great idea. It's going to be weird.
I'm going to be weird. I'm not going.
Yeah. Yeah.
Okay. So I'd love to know.
I've loved listening.

Speaker 1 I've loved listening to the entire comedy community talk about the Riyadh Comedy Festival. I've especially love Shane's counterpoint, which I think is really good and valid.

Speaker 1 Good friend, buddy. co-host, professional friend.
They come to you next year. They go.

Speaker 1 Matt,

Speaker 1 love the special. Yeah.
You can't get over it over here in the kingdom.

Speaker 1 250, bring your wife. Come enjoy.
We'll have a Ferrari for you. How do you break it to Shane? I know.
I know. I've thought because I really.

Speaker 2 Is there a number is also a good follow-up question.

Speaker 1 That's a good point. Honestly, I don't.
I was just saying this before. Like, I didn't know enough about geopolitics to know, like, I had no idea what was going on there.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, like, if they had called me, I would have been like, for sure. I didn't know.

Speaker 1 I didn't know anything about it. Yeah.
I don't, I don't, now with all the stuff now, I wouldn't, I just wouldn't go because now it's like, yeah, you just, I don't know.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't want to be like viewed as a super greedy guy. But I think the people who got crushed on it were the people who were super outspoken about moral political issues.
Totally.

Speaker 1 Where I've always pretty much painted myself as like, I'm kind of a piece of shit. So it's like, I don't know.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 I don't think I would go. If they gave me a bunch of money, I would just be like, no, because I just don't want the headache of it.
And I also, you know what?

Speaker 1 I turned down like UK and Australia just because I don't want to fly that far. Yeah.
So that would be me. I don't care what you do in your country, but I just don't want to fly that far.

Speaker 1 That's my official stance. The thing is, they have

Speaker 2 so much money, though. Like, we were talking about this last night.
Like, they come to you and they're like, we'll give you $10 million.

Speaker 1 10 million, yeah, for sure. That's 100%.
That's a lot of money. I'm doing that for 10 years.
That's your quit. That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 For them, it's nothing. Like,

Speaker 2 I was completely on the side of the people who are like, fuck those comics for going there. It's blood money.
And literally, as I'm saying it, I'm like, but I'm a huge fan of live golf.

Speaker 2 And I've defended the fact that Bryson got 300 million from the same fucking people.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 So why is it any different? And the answer is, I guess it's slightly different because the government threw it. So it's like a little bit propagated, but it's not, it's really the same thing.

Speaker 1 So I'm pro-live golf.

Speaker 2 I'm pro anybody getting a bag. If it's life-changing money, I think that's what it is.

Speaker 1 If you accepted life-changing money, good for you and your your family i don't have strong feelings about people who even took whatever for it it's like yeah go do your thing i wouldn't be like how dare you because i just don't feel that way but yeah now that you're like do you have a number i'm like no you said 10 million i was like

Speaker 1 yeah for sure yeah it's a good looking number five for sure yeah maybe half a million

Speaker 1 what did we put our number at yesterday was it half a million yeah i think we said a half a million half a mill would be good It's nice. And there's tax-free.

Speaker 2 They're going to give it to you in rubles.

Speaker 1 True. True.

Speaker 1 Give you just like a sack of rubies

Speaker 1 you come back with seven firstborn sons

Speaker 1 just like nine camels that i need to offload like yeah i i honestly if i'm being 100 honest it's like i do get being like nah i'm not doing that because again like shane's more up to date on like just you know politics and geography and all that stuff I was kind of like, he was like, I'm not doing it.

Speaker 1 When he said he was going to, like, they got offered. I'm like, oh, cool.
For like the troops? He was like, no, for like the Royal Saudis.

Speaker 1 The troops. Yeah, I was like, oh, that's great.

Speaker 1 Different troops. He's like, I'm I'm not doing it.
I was like, why? And he's like, you know, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, yeah, okay, that makes sense.

Speaker 2 It's badass that he didn't do it.

Speaker 1 I will say it. It is cool.
Especially after doubling it, which is funny to double, which is such like a,

Speaker 1 it's just such a weird negotiating. It's kind of an immature negotiating tactic.
Like, how about, it's like Doctor Evil. Yeah.
Yeah. Two times the price.
It's like, what are you doing here?

Speaker 1 What is this? So yeah, it is funny to be like, yeah, I'm not doing it. And honestly, too, I don't think he had any idea what that was going to turn into.

Speaker 1 He was just like, genuinely like, I'm not doing that. And it's a good point.
The 9-11 thing, a bunch of 9-11 hijackers.

Speaker 2 Oh, no, they're valid points.

Speaker 1 Never been at 9-11 again. Davidson's dad died in 9-11.
He went and performed. I know.

Speaker 2 They're valid points, but at the same time. You think he's good.

Speaker 1 Never mind. That's actually a terrible point.

Speaker 1 I'm like, hold on. How much? You know, you guys killed my fucking dad.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. No, I also swung back on it.
Like,

Speaker 2 it's like reparations. Like, if you're, if Pete Davidson made $25 million, like, okay, but here's here's the thing.

Speaker 1 He made $250,000 in exchange for performing for people who murdered his dad.

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 1 But here's the thing, right? Because Tim Dylan talked about the fee he got because he got kicked out before he had a chance to move. He was like, he said, I said $500,000.
And they said $350,000.

Speaker 1 And I said, yes.

Speaker 1 And Tim Dylan's one of the biggest comedians in the world. And that's not like, that's probably like double what he would get for a corporate gig, assuming he'd ever get a corporate gig.
Sure.

Speaker 1 We're living in a couple theaters. Yeah, that's the a thing.
But it's not like, I would think in that landscape with that amount of money. I'm stunned it was solo.
I think that's kind of.

Speaker 2 That's not enough money to sacrifice your morals.

Speaker 1 I think there were tears. I think there was like

Speaker 1 a lot assuming comedians have morals. I guess that's true.

Speaker 2 But Tim Dylan is so political. Like he has an opinion and he has a scene.

Speaker 1 He's so good. Like he is so good.
Especially to just be like a one-man podcast where he's just talking.

Speaker 1 It's, I don't, no one can do that no and so funny and he's he's like an outspoken kind of like give me the money i'll do this and it's funny how he does it and it's like yeah i don't i just i there's been so many so much like comedian infighting lately where it's like i i just you know it's just just go make people laugh you know what i mean it's like if you're mad i get it if you're mad took saudi blood money i get it but if you also you know if i'm sitting with someone who just took saudi blood money i'll give them a high five i'm like nice and i asked them to pick up dinner yeah you made something good out of something bad you got money for yourself which is a good thing should we get to what are you nuts?

Speaker 2 Yeah. So our what are you nuts moment of the week is gripes with people, places, and things.
In LA, they're everywhere. You're looking at this lady.
She's barefoot walking on the street.

Speaker 2 You're like, what are you nuts? Yeah. Let me find.
You have one.

Speaker 1 You have time to think. We'll go first.

Speaker 1 I have an easy one. Go ahead.
Oh, good.

Speaker 1 I saw a lady walking down the street, no shirt on, tits out. Wow.
And she didn't look like crazy or homeless. She looked just kind of like a normal, just walking down the street, smiling.

Speaker 1 No shirt or tits out. And I literally was like, I wonder if she's crazy or just kind of chilling.
Like, I couldn't tell. Yeah, my daughter's in the car.
She pointed out, she's like, Dad, she's naked.

Speaker 1 I was like, She's not naked, her tits are out, she has her pants on.

Speaker 1 But it was, I don't know, I was like, This is cool. And I tell people, like, that's really upsetting.
I'm like,

Speaker 1 I get it, man, because it's like, I don't know, I see both sides. It's like, because there's that whole, it is a pretty massive double standard.

Speaker 1 I can have my shirt off, a girl can't, but it's also like so different seeing like women's breasts.

Speaker 1 It's like a religious vision. Yeah, I hate to break it to them.
It's like, your tits are too awesome. Sorry, too awesome.
You got to suffer.

Speaker 1 You're next special.

Speaker 1 So that was my crazy year. Now, I was like, I can't tell if she's crazy or just like a you know, an activist.
I love it. Yeah.
Me too. And I'm for it, by the way.
Yeah, I was with my daughters.

Speaker 1 I told my daughter, I was like, don't you ever fucking do that. That's don't do that.
No. But this lady is going to have a good time and I'm going to make sure she's all right.
So let's stop the car.

Speaker 1 Introduce myself. My

Speaker 1 Texas rode out. You know Homeby Park? Sure, Homeby Park? Beautiful park.

Speaker 2 I have a four and a half month old son. We tried to figure out where every day could he go.
We stroll him around. Beautiful parks.
There's amazing parks in LA.

Speaker 2 Homeby Park, I don't know what it is about, maybe it's a certain hours, completely off the leash, all dogs

Speaker 2 of all sizes.

Speaker 1 I'm walking Ruby, again, four and a half months old, and there is a great fucking Dane, huge dog, off the leash.

Speaker 2 And I'm sure his owner, owner, it's like a classic.

Speaker 1 It's like, oh no, he won't bite. Oh, no, he won't bark.

Speaker 2 Oh, no, he's super safe. No problem.
Get your 200-pound unleashed dog on a leash around children. Sorry.
What are you, nuts? I love dogs. I never understood it.

Speaker 2 Like, if you want to have your own backyard where your dog's off the leash, no problem. If you have a little, I have a King Charles Cavalier, 19 pounds.
You want to, he's a little fat.

Speaker 2 You want a 19-pound King Charles? No problem. A Pitbull, bull, a great Dane, a Dalmatian, these huge dogs.
I'm sorry. They have to be on leeches and parks.
I thought it was insane.

Speaker 1 What are you nuts? That's what are you nuts.

Speaker 1 My what are you nuts moment is I don't think he'll mind being named the great Teddy Purcell former hockey player for the LA Kings good family friend one of the best and he he's sadly has been diagnosed with the sleep apnea oh no so the other day I go ted what are you doing he goes ah he goes I got the CPAP machine.

Speaker 1 You know, so it's like a snorkel. You use it.
He goes, but I gotta, I'm like, okay. He's like, I'm using my CPAP.
I'm like, it's noon. He goes,

Speaker 1 for insurance purposes, they can track how much I'm using it. And for four hours a day, I've got to be on the CPAP.

Speaker 1 And sometimes he's like, I fall asleep on the couch at night or wherever, or I fall asleep, I forget to put it on. He goes,

Speaker 1 I got to rack up my hours. What are you, nuts? He's doing midday watching TV with the CPAP box.

Speaker 1 Because he doesn't want to have to pay insurance for a CPAP. Why don't he?

Speaker 1 He doesn't want to sleep with it. He does.
He's like, some nights I forget, and so I got to get my four hours in. So he's doing midday tasks.
That's insane.

Speaker 1 That's really funny.

Speaker 1 That's really funny. Shout out, Teddy.
Hope you don't mind.

Speaker 2 Sleep apne also is a what are you nuts? I just like, is he is he a thick guy?

Speaker 1 He is, but sometimes you don't know how his neck thickness i guess so yeah i learned i learned i saw on a tick tock

Speaker 2 where fat comes first did you know this is the tongue really when you gain weight the tip of your tongue is that like slithery

Speaker 2 pointer the middle muscle the back fat what so that's why when you start to gain weight like if i gain 20 pounds i'm gonna start snoring

Speaker 2 And so I just think sleep apnea is fat people

Speaker 1 that are just fat.

Speaker 2 They have a fat tongue. They can't breathe.

Speaker 1 That's it. The majority of them.

Speaker 2 More often than not, when you lose weight, the sleep apnea machine goes away too.

Speaker 1 This is not new.

Speaker 1 This is not new info, though. It's not.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 nobody shot you. No, the tongue part.
You didn't know. You didn't know the tongue.
Tongue part is a good factor.

Speaker 1 We all know big fat souls have sleep apnea. Fine, but you didn't know the tongue.
I didn't know the pnppno. You didn't know the tongue.
Good.

Speaker 1 Good. I'm happy I taught you something, John.
I'm happy I taught you something. Thank you, babe.
Matt, where can we find you, your show, touring dates?

Speaker 1 Specials on Netflix, a humble offering. And I'm going to be hitting the road.
I think this weekend, I'll be in Buffalo, but you can get all the dates at MattMcCusker.com. So

Speaker 1 I have a theater tour coming out in January. We're going to roll that out.

Speaker 1 It should be good. Amazing.
Congrats to you. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Really pumped. Appreciate you guys.
Go see Matt. And folks, this episode's five stars.
Otherwise, what are you nuts? Listen to us wherever you get your podcasts. Watch us on YouTube.

Speaker 2 Share our clips, Instagram and TikTok. Mondays and and Thursdays, folks, we will see you next time.

Speaker 6 Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services.

Speaker 6 Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.