No STDs in Heaven with Nicole Byer

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Speaker 1 good guys.

Speaker 3 So we're sitting here with the great Nicole Bayer and an honor to be with you. Did you watch Super Bowl?

Speaker 1 Oh, I watched that Super Bowl. Did you? I did.
And

Speaker 1 I don't really understand football, but like, I was at a bar and I really enjoyed the straight men being like,

Speaker 1 and I'm like, why are you so excited for something you had no control over nor that you did or can do? That's wild to me. Wild.
So true. It's crazy.
It's crazy. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'd rather watch like ice skating with the gays where they're like, like, ooh, girl, work. Like, I don't know.
It's like,

Speaker 1 I'm not a straight-in-a-hander. Just like, they're too invested.

Speaker 3 It's male soap opera sports. It is.
It's our soap opera.

Speaker 1 That's, yeah, that's a perfect way to put it.

Speaker 3 We know the sound story.

Speaker 2 It sounds like you might have been at an Eagles bar if there was a ton of cheering. And all I have to say is it's good that they won because those Eagles fans can be mean when they're angry.

Speaker 1 I truly enjoyed the aftermath where I think their mayor was like, please don't climb up light fucking poles. Don't climb on anything.
Please don't. Rioting is out, right? I'm done with rioting.

Speaker 1 Rioting? Rioting. Oh, rioting.

Speaker 3 Sorry, I need to enunciate.

Speaker 1 No, no, it's not. I have an underbite.
You do?

Speaker 3 It's pretty severe.

Speaker 2 I wouldn't have known. It's weird, right?

Speaker 1 I don't think it's an underbite. It just feels like your teeth are friends.

Speaker 1 I agree.

Speaker 1 Well, my teeth, one is trying to outshine the other. My, the top part's trying to outshine the bottom.

Speaker 3 I'm just glad that you have your teeth and you didn't go Hollywood teeth veneers.

Speaker 1 Oh, I simply couldn't.

Speaker 1 I like real teeth.

Speaker 1 I like watching movies where you're like, those teeth are fucked.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 My wife had a whack tooth and she fixed it for our wedding and I miss it sometimes. Sorry, Pain.

Speaker 1 It's nice that she fixed it for the wedding.

Speaker 3 She rotated it in in like a three-week Invisalign extreme course.

Speaker 1 Rotated it in?

Speaker 3 Yeah, it was like a canine that was off on an island.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 I'm sure it was endearing.

Speaker 2 Josh, you can stay with me.

Speaker 1 I loved it, but yeah, now it's back. I like quirky features on people.
I think we're all going to look like modern architecture soon. The same.
Yes.

Speaker 1 With like Ozempic and lip fillers and Botox and shit. Not me.

Speaker 2 I'm a little bit more. Who wants to be fat stuff?

Speaker 1 Not me.

Speaker 2 I don't want that Ozempic.

Speaker 1 Fuck that.

Speaker 3 But we talked on your wonderful pod, Why Won't You Date Me? Yes. Right.
That you dabbled in the arts of the ozimps that is funny that i was like i'm not doing any of that no i'm fully on manjaro

Speaker 1 same same

Speaker 1 same

Speaker 1 i just you can ask joshua just switch

Speaker 2 anybody i just want to not die right we want i was on ozempic for a year and a half i just switched to trisepatide which is manjaro and do you like it better oh my god i love it i like it better too So much better.

Speaker 2 I have less nausea. I'm super focused on not eating, except the last day.
Yesterday was day six of the whole. I had seven muffins.

Speaker 1 Seven.

Speaker 2 I couldn't stop my wife. She doesn't even bake.

Speaker 1 She baked.

Speaker 2 And I couldn't believe it.

Speaker 1 I was like, holy shit.

Speaker 2 These muffins are so good. I ate seven of them.

Speaker 1 I get that. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 The last day, you just like forget who you are. You black out.
And then the next day, you inject again and you become your superhuman again.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It's like that, that movie with Bradley Coops.
Do you know limitless?

Speaker 1 limitless yeah yes that's what i feel like it is it's i think it's delightful it's nice because i don't obsess over food but on that last day right before you hit it you're like let me gobble gobble let me get it out

Speaker 3 what does it look like can we describe our food blackouts when it gets really bleak

Speaker 1 oh yeah sure

Speaker 1 good oh at home It's like 8.30, 9 p.m. And I'm like, oh, what if I smoke a little weed? Then I'm stoned.
And I'm like, what if I order some food?

Speaker 1 Then I open up Postmates and I order enough to feed the cul-de-sac. And it all comes to me, bags and bags, lots of cutlery because they're like, surely she's sharing.
I love that.

Speaker 1 And then you eat little bites of all of it till you're too full. And then you go, I should go back for another round.
Then you eat some more until you're really, really full.

Speaker 1 Then you take a nap and then you wake up and then you eat more. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Mine is identical, except at the very end, I look at myself in the mirror and contemplate suicide.

Speaker 3 no

Speaker 2 turn the lights off and go to bed that's the that's the end of my journey two weeks ago yesterday was the seven muffins two weeks ago was a full pint of field yogurt i ate the whole pint

Speaker 1 get out of here who gives a shit yogurt i it's too much

Speaker 1 anything anything in that how long were you fat before ozempek oh a lot my whole life my whole life you're binging yogurt I'm trying. These are new habits.
I'm trying.

Speaker 1 I guess binging yogurt is better.

Speaker 2 It's not, it's literally not better.

Speaker 3 A real food obsess can binge. That's like when it gets really dark, when you're binging on healthy food because you're trying to be healthy.

Speaker 3 I knew the great Teresa Strasser, who's this brilliant writer and a friend of mine, she talked about her food issues and that she would binge on broccoli. Wow.

Speaker 3 She just wanted to consume, first of all, that must have been a fart fest.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Unbelievable.
Tell them

Speaker 3 when you binge on cruciferous.

Speaker 1 Oof, are you kidding me?

Speaker 1 Too smelly. title.
That's funny.

Speaker 1 That's really funny. That got me good.

Speaker 1 But what are you ordering from Postmates?

Speaker 1 Oh, wait, my phone is over there.

Speaker 3 We can't show it where it says.

Speaker 1 As long as it's a galaxy.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 3 or we are ending the box.

Speaker 1 Okay, well, sometimes, you know, you get a whole pizza. And then you eat the whole pizza and you get it with extra cheese.
And then you get a side of like meatballs and breadsticks. And then, ooh.

Speaker 1 And then sometimes you do a double dip where you get dessert from someplace else, like BJ's, a pazooki? Come on. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I love a pazooki.

Speaker 3 I love when it comes in that little skillet, and you know that that skillet's only for cookies. It's not big enough to make anything else.
No.

Speaker 1 And it's like seasoned with extra cookies of past. Yes.
It's nice.

Speaker 2 We can't talk about food without me mentioning that I'm a huge nailed-it fan. Oh,

Speaker 1 thank you for watching it.

Speaker 2 Not only are you hilarious, but like being able to watch a show that just like shows me delicious desserts, it's fantastic. You talk about it.

Speaker 1 You think that shit looks delicious?

Speaker 2 I think that some of them are very scary, but

Speaker 2 I think that the idea of that goes back to the binge eating, okay?

Speaker 1 I would eat all of it. I'd eat any of it.

Speaker 2 Anything sugary, I'll take it. Even the ones that don't look good, but I'm a big fan.

Speaker 1 Thank you. I appreciate it.
But you'd be surprised. I love food.
And sometimes I'd be like, I don't think I'm hungry today. Really? But also, sometimes we had to taste a lot.
Like one season,

Speaker 1 there were seven contestants, and they had to make a cupcake, a cake, and then another cake. So that's 14, 21.
So that's 21 tastes of cake. Yeah.
After that, that really, that's, it's a lot.

Speaker 1 It's not good.

Speaker 3 It's funny. I hosted a food competition show for Roku, which is like hosting a show sponsored by the woods.
And really successful.

Speaker 1 Everybody loved it.

Speaker 3 The food was, we had six chefs and the food, like I would say 99% of the dishes were unbelievable. I thought it was good.

Speaker 1 That's so nice. Yeah.
That's nice. It was quite nice.
These people were fucking up like box cake. And that is,

Speaker 1 that's great. But also, I fucked up noodles the other day.
So who am I to talk? What did you do?

Speaker 2 You overcooked them?

Speaker 1 No. I watched a video where these chefs were like, you gotta over salt the water.
It's supposed to taste like the sea. So then I did that.
And then my noodles were salty as hell.

Speaker 1 And then I didn't cook them all the way through. through.
So they were also crunchy and salty.

Speaker 1 And then I over salted the meat sauce. And then I put that on.
So then it was just like too salty. And then I had to throw it away.
I had to throw away food. Wow.
Oh, that's terrible.

Speaker 2 What a sad story.

Speaker 3 Benjamin, have you noticed anything different about me? Anything like new, like classier, chic, like tech forward, like a maybe like a Galaxy S25 Ultra from Samsung?

Speaker 2 I mean, it's hard not to notice. You bring it everywhere.
Thank you. It's your new best friend.
It's almost like it's a companion, Josh. And honestly, it looks fantastic on you.

Speaker 2 You with your buff arms, cute smile, little bit lightly tight jeans.

Speaker 1 The galaxy just seems to be a little bit more.

Speaker 3 I know I'm wearing too tight of a pant, and I don't feel great about it.

Speaker 3 Hey, I just wanted to, look, the reality is, and I just want to share this.

Speaker 3 I wasn't quite ready for a long time to make the change and get a galaxy. But what I realized was like, you can't deny that these features are,

Speaker 3 I mean, when you're talking about a 200-megapixel camera on here and a 50-megapixel ultra-wide lens, like it's sick. I'm in the camera business, babe.

Speaker 1 I record content.

Speaker 2 It's sick. And I don't know if you noticed, but recently I posted a beautiful reel of a chopped salad.
And perhaps you noticed that it looked a little bit clearer, Josh.

Speaker 2 Did you notice that maybe it looked a little bit more beautiful than my past posts? That's because, Josh, I used the new new galaxy and this camera,

Speaker 2 I can attest, is out of this world.

Speaker 3 Oh, and by the way, a team from my town, I don't know if we just got a new semi-known player. It's not a huge deal.

Speaker 3 But I immediately use my AI companion. I was like,

Speaker 3 yo, can you please go get the schedule? I always say please, because, you know, AI, but, you know, be.

Speaker 2 It's nice to be nice. Be nice for sure.

Speaker 3 Yeah. And I was like, can you please go and get the schedule from my favorite basketball team and actually put it on my calendar so I know every time that there's a game?

Speaker 3 And it's just one ask, multiple tasks.

Speaker 2 It's unbelievable. Like we can be so lazy.
We don't need to do anything anymore because the galaxy is here.

Speaker 3 Yes. Do you do the daily brief? You like this? The now brief? Of course.
This thing, this now brief, it's like I'm the president, maybe not of America, but of the class, president of the class.

Speaker 1 You're not even the president of your own house.

Speaker 1 Where are you the president?

Speaker 2 In your own mind?

Speaker 3 In my small office that my wife allows me to have. But, you know, with now brief, it's cool because every morning I get like a daily brief of like weather or energy scores, my appointments.

Speaker 3 It's great. I feel very powerful.
But anyway, enough is enough. Listen, we can only gush so much.
Ben, do you want to tell the people how they can get one?

Speaker 2 Get your Galaxy S25 Ultra now at Samsung.com. It's as easy as that.

Speaker 3 Certain features compatible with select apps and require Google Gemini account. Results may vary based on input.
Check responses for accuracy.

Speaker 3 Now brief displays daily select information and select apps. A internet connection may be required.
Galaxy AI features by Samsung free through 2025 require a Samsung account login.

Speaker 3 Certain features compatible with select apps and require Google Gemini account. Results may vary based on input.
Check responses for accuracy.

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Speaker 3 Can I take you guys through my Super Bowl meal? Because I went pretty dark and insane.

Speaker 3 So we start the day. I decide I'm going to make spinach artichoke dip.

Speaker 3 And I'm going to do it. We're not going to do some shit chip, some cracker.
We're going to be classy and get a nice sourdough baguette.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 It's nice. Little Christinis.

Speaker 3 So I go to this incredible bakery in the morning, get two beautiful sourdoughs, and I go. there's this candied croissant thing.
I said,

Speaker 3 let's start the day off, right? So I'm pounding that on my drive back. There is nothing left by the time I get home.
The bakery is three minutes from the house, gobbling, okay?

Speaker 3 Cause I'm like, if I land and it's gone, I never had it.

Speaker 1 Yes. Yes.
Yes. If you go to McDonald's and eat it in the car and it's gone by the time you get home, you didn't have McDonald's and you can have second dinner.
Yes.

Speaker 3 And then I start to make the spinach artichoke tip, but the sourdough is so good. This baguette that I got and I've got too much bread.
And I go, I'm just going to get some butter.

Speaker 3 I have some nice butter in the fridge. And I'm just smacking like thick ass pieces of butter.

Speaker 1 Like you can see your teeth in the bite on the sourdough, right?

Speaker 3 This is, then my wife's made this beautiful homemade family recipe macaroni salad for the party.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 3 But I go, now this is a light. It's very light.
It's not too creamy. There's notes.
There's a little vinegar in there. Oh, perfect.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 3 I crush two bowls, right?

Speaker 1 Elbows. You know what I'm saying? The king of noodles.
I do like an elbow, but I also like a cappatelle.

Speaker 3 delicious don't get me started i love a capatelle then i'm crushing at my mother-in-law's house we're doing chicken tenders teriyaki chicken wings

Speaker 3 there was a cupcake assortment french onion dip it was it started to get out of control my wife all of a sudden was like oh i made pretzels i'm like when and where and who does that homemade pretzels that's nice that is

Speaker 1 pretzels

Speaker 3 It was a smorgasbord. Oh, and then my mother-in-law made banana cream pie.

Speaker 3 and my favorite but my favorite you guys ready for the vanilla wafers the wafers but she made it in a trifle so it wasn't in the pie it was in a like a baking pan and it was layers it was like a banana cream lasagna yeah that's nice yes yes that's

Speaker 1 really nice like magnolia have you had that one from magnolia i think it's just okay really

Speaker 1 i've had a lot of good homemade ones and i think it's just okay i think magnolia is a little overrated wow just a little i think their banana cream pie is the cat's meow.

Speaker 1 He's 90s. He's a hundred pieces.

Speaker 1 He lives in the upper east side. He's talking like a friend.

Speaker 1 It's the shit.

Speaker 2 Oh, it's so good.

Speaker 2 I made, it was just me and Claudia, Josh. Yes.
I made Crunchwrap Supremes from Scratch.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's lovely.

Speaker 2 I made a seven-layer bean.

Speaker 1 Wait, what was the meat in the Crunchwrap Supreme?

Speaker 2 It was all beef, round beef. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. This was, this was fantastic.
The refried beans, the yellow rice. It was.

Speaker 3 What you'll learn, Nicole, is that Ben is a cafeteria Jew.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 3 In that he picks and chooses what he wants.

Speaker 3 Tell her about the Philly cheese steak you had the day before.

Speaker 2 I did, but I just want you to know, Josh, there was no cheese in my Crunch Wrap Supreme, so out of that, okay?

Speaker 3 But there was a cheese.

Speaker 1 There was no cheese in the crunch. I was in the Crunch Wrap Supreme.
What are we doing?

Speaker 3 No, I picked and chose for the day.

Speaker 1 I kid.

Speaker 1 Then that's not, I don't know.

Speaker 2 To me, that's not a crunch wrap supreme if there's not my seven layer bean dip josh you brought us down a dark path or seven layer bean dip do we like bean dip i could i could take it or leave it i'm not a huge beanhead yeah me either you know grilled salami i made i made homemade mini hot dogs we like pigs in a blanket yeah that's nice i love a pig in a blanket little puff pastry

Speaker 3 puff past pastry puff it up A lot of butter in that puff pastry mixed with that meat.

Speaker 3 Nicole, I don't know what your kosher is like, but as you know, you're sure kosher means you don't mix meat and dairy.

Speaker 1 Yes, I know that.

Speaker 3 Yes, you know, so it's your jersey gal. Yes.
And I just,

Speaker 3 I don't understand how there could be a video the day before, and then we say, but there was no cheese in the crunch wrap, and we say that in a celebratory fashion.

Speaker 2 The thing that, Nicole, about Josh Nicole is that he is, he is an issue with the people choosing to live their life however they want.

Speaker 1 Can you kosher? No.

Speaker 1 Yes. No, you're not.

Speaker 2 I do my best, Nicole. I do my best.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 I grew up

Speaker 2 relatively religious.

Speaker 2 I do. Look, here's the thing.
I do have a kosher kitchen. I have different meat forks.
I have different dairy forks.

Speaker 1 Do you have different meat plates?

Speaker 2 I don't have different sinks.

Speaker 1 Don't go to that level. Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 3 The two big Jews over there. The two of you.
Okay.

Speaker 1 When you moved in, did you sanitize it? Did you do the whole sanitizing process?

Speaker 2 I burned it to the ground when I moved in and I built it from scratch. It was complete arson.
I moved in. I lit the doorman on fire.

Speaker 1 The doorman then did it. That's two

Speaker 1 people living in California. Yes.

Speaker 1 Well, Karen Bass.

Speaker 3 Do you love Karen Bass as much as Ben does?

Speaker 1 I mean, she's...

Speaker 3 Interesting. Karen Bass Pro Shop.
That's going to be your next chapter. Can you imagine?

Speaker 1 That would be so funny. Have you seen the Bass Pro Shops that are shaped like Pyramid? Yeah, what what a collage.
What are they doing? I love,

Speaker 3 I love an outdoor shop. I don't care who knows it.

Speaker 1 That's funny. Do you like camping?

Speaker 3 Never. I'll never do it.
It's ridiculous. Go home at the end of the night.

Speaker 1 I agree. Yeah.
I don't want to be outside. I love inside.
You can't see.

Speaker 3 It's dark. You're in the woods.
Yeah. Motel 6.
Come back early.

Speaker 1 There's certainly no need to sleep. Don't you go to that Disney money? I don't.

Speaker 2 One thing about Josh, he won't stay stay at a nice hotel. Courtyard Marriott, that's the top.

Speaker 1 Wait, really?

Speaker 3 No, I will, but I was saying it as it pertains to a campsite.

Speaker 1 That's the closest thing. I get it.
We're not having a Ritz Carlton in the woods.

Speaker 3 Yeah, there's not a Ritz Carlton in the freaking Poconos. Maybe there is.
There's probably a nice hotel.

Speaker 1 I don't know. We don't know.
Let's never look it up. I'm not going to the Poconos.
Right.

Speaker 3 Where did you vacation living in central Jersey growing up? The Jersey Shore?

Speaker 1 No, we didn't really vacation. We grew up like we were destitute.
We drove to Chicago every year in the summer because that's where my family lived.

Speaker 1 And when I grew up, I was like, oh, I think we could have flown. I think it, I don't think it would have broke the bank, but we drove every year.

Speaker 1 And my dad would not turn on the air because that wasted gas. So then he would just turn on the vents so hot air would blow at us.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 It took 16 hours. It took so long.

Speaker 1 So long. You're driving through Indiana.
Yes. Well, no, Pennsylvania is the worst.
Pennsylvania never ends. Yes.
And then Ohio is not so bad.

Speaker 1 And Indiana, to get to Chicago, is not that bad, but it's Pennsylvania that sucks. Ugh.

Speaker 3 Are you guys singing songs? Is there punch buggy?

Speaker 3 No.

Speaker 1 Daddy's like, shut up.

Speaker 1 No. He's like, I'm so hot.

Speaker 3 Are we doing drive-thrus? Are we doing snacks on the road?

Speaker 1 We would be like, we are hungry. Please, we're hungry.
Then my dad would be like, well, we're not out of gas yet.

Speaker 1 we would only get fed when he had to refuel and then we would go to mcdonald's and then we would only be able to get like little the little happy meals and he'd be like but i haven't eaten in in hours and he'd be like sorry about it you know i respect that only eating when you refill that is how that is time management at its finest yeah but you have children literally just children like six-year-olds being like please feed me And we would have like snacks, but the snacks would be gone very quickly.

Speaker 2 You should have loaded up harder at the rest stop before.

Speaker 1 But you thought we were allowed to buy treats?

Speaker 1 Oh, you thought that was a nice? No. Eat the Ritz crackers in the car.
And you're like, but they've been gone for two hours. Yes.
I ate them on the back of the spring to begin with.

Speaker 1 They were dry in the beginning. They're so dry.

Speaker 2 Ritz crackers are very underrated, though.

Speaker 1 And I do love them. They're so butter.
They're delicious. They're so bad for you.

Speaker 2 That makes sense.

Speaker 1 They're just like filled with oil. And I was like, how? How do you do that to a cracker? What America does to food is kind of wild.
How about a cracker?

Speaker 3 You ever done one of those? Those are nice.

Speaker 1 I like those. Those are all so bad for you.

Speaker 3 50 Cents favorite cracker. Sorry, cut that out, guys.

Speaker 1 No, no, no. That's true.

Speaker 1 I don't know if that's true.

Speaker 3 Keep that in.

Speaker 1 50 to come for me.

Speaker 1 But it is his favorite cracker. I can imagine Eminem responding.
He's like, that's not my favorite cracker. It's Eminem.
Cut that out.

Speaker 3 Speaking of, are people.

Speaker 3 Can we just talk, finish about the Super Bowl? Are people such such fucking losers for booing Taylor Swift?

Speaker 1 That was weird. That was so weird.
This woman

Speaker 1 cares if you don't like her. Just don't go to her concerts.
Don't listen to her music. Don't boo her in person.
She's a human being who can hear and see you. Yes.

Speaker 2 It's Eagles fans.

Speaker 1 It's Eagles fans. That's it.

Speaker 2 The whole arena was Eagles fans.

Speaker 2 And Eagles fans just... don't care about anything but the Eagles the same way that 76ers fans don't care about anything but the 76ers.
It's these Philadelphia people, okay?

Speaker 2 So it's a good thing that they won because they would have rioted. So I'm happy that they won.
And yeah, Taylor Swift being booed, not cool. This woman, she's she's a great, great artist.

Speaker 1 I did like that she was like, what's happening? She was like, me? Is this for me? What is going on? Yes. Because that's what I would have done.
Like, really?

Speaker 3 And she doesn't hurt anyone by being Taylor Swift and dating some handsome folks.

Speaker 1 Like, it doesn't hurt the NFL because there's a YouTube cutaways.

Speaker 3 Oh, I'm sorry. Do I need to look at the offensive coordinator drinking Gatorade longer?

Speaker 1 Show me the fucking skybox. I want to see her with all the mahoms.

Speaker 1 I do wish she had stood up and then just like put her arms out and been like, give me more. Yeah, evil.
Yeah. Evil era.
Like, whatever. She's got so much money.

Speaker 1 She doesn't give a shit if maybe she said, you know, the day after, but like, at the end of the day, she's going to hop on her private jet and have a nice time. Yeah.
A very nice time.

Speaker 2 She has so much money.

Speaker 1 So much money.

Speaker 2 Oh my God. The problems that that money solves.
People say money doesn't solve problems. Have Taylor Swift's money.

Speaker 1 It does. Okay.
It does.

Speaker 1 It does. You have no problems if you have that much money.
A leak in your house, you never deal with it. Your assistant deals with it.
Your assistants, assistants, assistants deal with it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I want to. Even the worst, even the worst problem, you can buy it.
It's fine. What? Your friend dies? Buy a new friend.
You know? Like, you eat money.

Speaker 1 Babies clone them. Clone them.
Clone them. That's what you know Barbara Streisand did with her dogs.
I know. And she also has a mall in her home.

Speaker 3 Well, yeah, and she has a doll city.

Speaker 1 I want to be rich. I know.
I want to have stupid shit. I want a go-kart track in my backyard.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Give me a couple of like dumb rich.

Speaker 1 Definitely a go-kart track in my backyard.

Speaker 3 But it's like a dirt track or like go-kart.

Speaker 1 It's indoor. Like, like a paved outdoor go-kart track.

Speaker 1 I would love to have like a pool that is like

Speaker 1 fake rocks that looks like it's in Hawaii, but it's not. And then like a big old slide.
Oh my God. What else do I want? Wow.
I've never really thought of it. A shoe room? A shoe room? A wig room.

Speaker 3 Do you like all types of shoes? Do you like high heels? Do you like sneakers? What's your, sorry?

Speaker 1 I wear a lot of sneakers. I only really wear sneakers.
I have so many heels that I just look at. and then sometimes try on and then ask my dog if he likes them and then i put them right away

Speaker 3 i get it they're so hard to walk in Olivia, our high heel's ridiculous.

Speaker 1 I think it's kind of goofy. I wear like mostly sneakers or loafers.
It's always like nice to dream about having a high heel, but no, I don't commit to the bit.

Speaker 2 This episode of the Good Guys Podcast is brought to you by our friends at Hero Bread. Folks, you know that we are always trying to lose weight.
Okay. We're injecting.
Okay. We're going to the gym.

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Speaker 2 I want to go back to things that we'd get in our house if we were loaded because I like this. Josh, what are you getting? Something crazy.

Speaker 3 I don't have crazy design. Like, I'm so frugal.
Like, I want a sauna and I won't pull the trigger.

Speaker 1 That's so attainable. I know.

Speaker 3 They sell them at Costco.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that is so. You could literally reach out to a company and they'll send you one.
He offered.

Speaker 3 Shout out sunlight saunas. I don't know why I'm shouting them out.
I didn't take them up on it.

Speaker 1 Why? That's a ticket.

Speaker 3 I got to put power on the other side of the garage.

Speaker 2 Not that anybody asks, but I'm getting a hibachi table and a hibachi chef. That's my ritual.

Speaker 1 Oh, see, that's nice. But that's it.

Speaker 1 I have a living hibachi chef.

Speaker 2 I have a hibachi table, and I say, it's time, it's hibachi time. And he's like, Ben, it's 8.30 in the morning.
I'm like, it's hibachi time.

Speaker 1 That's that's that's fun. But yeah.
Does the chef, are there other workers who live with you or just the chef? No, it's just me and him.

Speaker 1 If you want anything not made on a flat top, he's out. He's out.
He's like, I can't use a skillet.

Speaker 1 You could have anything from Waffle House. Oh, yeah, you could.
I do love a waffle house.

Speaker 1 I found a waffle maker in my kitchen. I didn't know I had one.
And then I had, my boyfriend made waffles for me and it was so lovely. I was like, wow, this is how like.
civilized people live.

Speaker 1 They cook for themselves. I don't, I know, I'm bad at cooking, so I don't do it.

Speaker 3 What about, because you have a podcast, which, why won't you date me? But you're in a relation.

Speaker 1 I know people bring it up. How's that? So far, so good.
Yeah. I hope by when this airs, it's still going good.

Speaker 1 By next Thursday. Oh, God.

Speaker 1 I gotta text him and he'll be like, is it okay?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's going great. He's so nice.

Speaker 3 Is he a civilian or is he in showbiz?

Speaker 1 No, he's a civilian. So I don't, I don't really like.
talk too too much about him because i i'm trying to feel like figure out what's respectful privacy wise for him because he didn't ask for this.

Speaker 1 He didn't ask to be talked about. He didn't ask.
Yeah, he simply didn't ask for this. Wow.

Speaker 3 And what's navigating that? Like, does it feel natural or did you spend a lot of time single? So it's like you're learning. It's a new thing.

Speaker 1 I spent a lot of time single and I was in like a situationship for like a year and a half, almost two years. And he was like, do not talk about me ever.

Speaker 1 So then that was super hard because I was like, but I do talk about my life. And then I would just like mention him, be like, I was on a date with somebody.

Speaker 1 Like I would just like, cause it was a date. So I wasn't lying, but I wasn't like, oh, this is this person that I've basically been seeing.
Yeah, but I wasn't his girlfriend.

Speaker 1 And I once was like, you're my boyfriend, right? And he was like, both parties have to agree to that. And I was like, okay, I guess I die now.
And I wrote a joke about that conversation.

Speaker 1 And I asked him if I could tell it. And he said yes.
And he came to the show. And then he was like, you can't tell that again.
I was like, okay.

Speaker 3 This guy sounds like a real winner.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. He was fun.

Speaker 1 He was as if like a red flag anamorphed into a person.

Speaker 1 And I was like, I'll stay. I like that.

Speaker 1 But now I'm dating somebody who's like genuinely very sweet and has said openly, like, I don't mind if you talk about me just, I trust you, which to me means, oh, I trust you to not say like super intimate things or like reveal like, you know, personal, personal stuff about him because that's not nice.

Speaker 1 That's not fair.

Speaker 3 That's so healthy. Like, I remember I dated a girl forever who would

Speaker 3 forever ago, but we only dated for three months because she would just like drink and walk around her apartment when people were there shirtless. And

Speaker 1 that's just Dana.

Speaker 1 That's great.

Speaker 3 I thought so too.

Speaker 1 Apparently, it's a red flag. That's so funny.
Because people are like, she's cheating on you. And I was like, yeah, probably.

Speaker 3 I was like, shirtless Dana's cheating on.

Speaker 1 But what? What would it take for her to take her shirt off? A couple sips. And was it titties out or like in a bra?

Speaker 3 Boobies out. But she didn't,

Speaker 3 she had the perfect boobs to walk around without a shirt on.

Speaker 1 See, if I had great, great titties, you couldn't stop me. I would show them to everybody.
Totally. And be like, can you believe that I have these? That's what I would do.

Speaker 3 Like, if I didn't need top surgery from being morbidly obese, I would.

Speaker 1 I knew that, Kate, yeah.

Speaker 3 I would walk around with my shirt off constantly.

Speaker 1 It's just the choice to say morbidly obese. It's just very fun.
It's the top surgery for me.

Speaker 3 I remember I went to a plastic surgeon once to be like, you know, I have some skin around my chest from losing a bunch of weight. I'd love to have it.
And she's like, no problem.

Speaker 3 It's so when we do the top surgery, I was like, sorry.

Speaker 1 It is, it is wild to say to like a cis man, top, like top surgery just implies removing breasts. And you're like, you didn't have to say that.
I knew what they were.

Speaker 1 You saying it out loud really solidifies what they are.

Speaker 1 And I no longer can live in a fantasy that it's just a little extra skin.

Speaker 3 No, I got some duties.

Speaker 1 Sometimes doctors are so mean. You're in my angles.

Speaker 1 You are in my inner monologue.

Speaker 1 Oh, it hurts, but it's good. Yeah, and you're like, okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 We didn't move forward with it.

Speaker 3 She's like, here's your options. Horrible scarring or a little extra skin.
I was like, it all sounds bad.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it sounds bad. Yeah, that's a ceasefire.
No one wants.

Speaker 3 Should we get to some stories, Ben?

Speaker 1 Ben, you got anything else? No, throw in a story. Wait, before you throw in a story, have you guys seen, I think it's like Temptation Island, Spain.
Have you seen the videos of this man Montoya?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 No. So it's in Spanish.
So I simply don't really really understand the premise of it. No idea, right?

Speaker 1 But the video is of this man watching a video of his girlfriend getting fucking blasted by somebody else, like railed, like fucked, like backblown out.

Speaker 1 And then he starts like running and the host just goes, Mantoya, por favor. Mantoya, porpo vor.
And he runs along the beach. There's lightning in the sky.

Speaker 1 And then he like falls to the sand and he's like, no!

Speaker 1 I have no idea what's going on or why they have to watch their significant others fuck other people.

Speaker 1 And I get crap. But then he did something.
I saw another video.

Speaker 1 He disobeyed the rules. So he wasn't allowed to watch her fuck somebody else.
He had to turn his back while the other men watched and told him what happened.

Speaker 1 This show is just to torture this one man, Montoya. Oh my God.

Speaker 2 This show sounds unbelievable.

Speaker 1 It's wild. And I've just been getting little pieces fed to me.

Speaker 1 And i'm waiting for the whole episode to get stitched together so i can understand what's going on oh my god i found my new favorite show we don't have good enough shows in the states we need temptation

Speaker 3 i agree that brings us to our next segment who would you want to be cuckolded by so here's the thing

Speaker 3 should we all talk about i definitely wouldn't want my wife to be with a guy who was like Like, if she was with Chris Hemsworth, that would just bum me out.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Because I'd be like, yeah, you're right.

Speaker 1 Good move. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I would too.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 No. I'm trying to think of like a hot person.
I'd be like, oh, I guess that's okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Angela Bassett.
If you fucked Angela Bassett, I'd be like, I get it. She's so strong.
And I love what's love got to do with it.

Speaker 2 But I almost think, Josh, like a Chris Hensworth, you'd feel better than like watching Paige have sex with McLovin or like somebody like really.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't want that. I don't know.
To lose, lose.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I don't know why I brought it up.

Speaker 2 This episode of the Good Guys Podcast is brought to you by Booking.com. Booking.
Yeah. Oh, I've always wanted to see that.
What a fabulous sponsor. I love booking.com because folks, I love traveling.

Speaker 2 Who doesn't love traveling? And finding a place to stay is difficult, you know? And I know that booking.com is always going to have exactly what I am looking for.

Speaker 2 Tons of variety from hotels to vacation rentals. I know that I can get a gorgeous, gorgeous place to stay at Booking.com.
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Speaker 2 We don't want to go home. The weather is too good and the New York weather is just gross.
So last minute we hopped on booking.com and we found a gorgeous place to stay in South Florida.

Speaker 2 Ooh, it was fantastic. The beach, unbelievable.
The pool, unbelievable. Oh, and the spa at this hotel was out of this world.

Speaker 2 That said, I went into the steam room and there was literally a guy taking a call, speakerphone. What are you nuts? Let me relax.
But that's not the hotel's fault. That's the guy's fault, okay?

Speaker 2 He needs to go somewhere else. He didn't use booking.com.
He didn't because people who use booking.com are great people and he's not one of those people, okay?

Speaker 1 But yeah, back to the spa.

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The steamroom wants that guy left.

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Speaker 1 Booking.yeah.

Speaker 2 This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by our friends at Chewy. If you're a pet parent like me, you know about Chewy.
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Speaker 3 What are you guys doing for, you got anything going on for Valentine's Day with your buddy?

Speaker 1 I said you can either plan something or not.

Speaker 1 I don't know what I want. And I felt wild being like, plan something.

Speaker 1 Surprise me. I don't know.
I simply don't know what I want. Right.
So we might do something. We might not.
It depends.

Speaker 3 My friends in the food biz, and Ben's a celebrity chef. So you'll have good insight on this, Ben.
They go, Valentine's Day is a hoax. It's bullshit for restaurants.

Speaker 3 You're going to get crappy food completely overpriced. The move is you go out the 13th or the 15th and you spend the 14th in.

Speaker 1 I think that's what we might be doing because I made reservations at Lusso and Frank. I've never been there.

Speaker 1 So we're going the day after Valentine's Day because I couldn't get it on Valentine's Day. And he was like, honestly, Nicole, that's better.
And I was like, I did it. I did good.

Speaker 1 I did good. I'm a good girl.

Speaker 1 Please. And then he was like, shut up.

Speaker 3 I know.

Speaker 3 It's so scary.

Speaker 1 It's new. Yes.
It's fun. It's nice.
You deserve love. Hey, thank you.
That's what my therapist says all the time. You do.
You do. She says all parts of you deserve to be loved.

Speaker 1 And that took a real long time to understand because I was like, bitch, what do you mean? Of course. Yeah, all parts of me.

Speaker 1 But then I'd like be annoying and be like, he's going to break up with me because I was just so fucking annoying. And he's like, no, no, you took a nap and you were fine.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Say more about that.

Speaker 1 Taking naps. That end.

Speaker 3 What were you nervous about him not loving or to?

Speaker 1 Oh, that I'm just like loud, that I love tee, he and and ha ha ha I'm just a loud person like I scream so much and I'm just I'm weird I'm just I'm a strange person I just thought he would get sick of it and he seems to not get sick of it he seems to find it nice isn't that amazing is really nice because I've dated a lot of men who are like I don't you're very loud or you're always late I'm like yes I'm black we run at a different a different timeline than everybody else but I'm super I'm late to everything

Speaker 1 and my boyfriend is very kind and always asks do you need more time are you still good for that time and it's just a nice way of him being like i know you're probably running behind just so i know like what is your estimated time of arrival it's just nice and it feels considerate because sometimes i will have a long day and i will be rushing to get somewhere and then he's like it's okay if you need like 20 more minutes or an hour more like it's just it's really considerate and kind as opposed to like him being like why can't you be on time and And it's like genetics.

Speaker 1 Wow. He's a real sweetie.

Speaker 3 That's so nice. It's nice.
Well, I've got a story here. And, you know, why not? And this was, I ate 30 eggs a day for 30 days, mostly raw.

Speaker 3 All the changes to my body, including sex drive, energy, and cholesterol, were positive, but I almost got broken up with. I can imagine.
Can you imagine those egg toots?

Speaker 3 Can you imagine? Joseph Everett, creator of the popular What I've Learned YouTube channel, devoured 900 eggs in a month.

Speaker 1 Detest. When did he do this? Not recently.

Speaker 3 36 eggs a day. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Did you? Egg truck got broken into and the eggs were stolen.

Speaker 1 I was like, this is funny. Black market fucking eggs? Wouldn't it be the dumbest timeline? Totally.
Like, feel dumb all day, every day.

Speaker 1 The bird flu? What? What are we doing? Measles is back? What are we doing?

Speaker 3 I was not expecting measles to return.

Speaker 1 No, because there's vaccines that eradicated it. Like, remember chickenpox? Yeah.
I got chickenpox. Ben, did you get chickenpox? Of course.
They don't get it now because there's a vaccine. Yep.

Speaker 1 And people will probably stop taking that one too. And then they'll come back to the...

Speaker 3 But then you rob people down the road of shingles and that's not cool.

Speaker 1 You saw that the broccoli is shingles.

Speaker 2 I think broccoli is killing people. It was either Walmart or Costco.
There's a big recall on broccoli.

Speaker 1 Really?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's deadly. I sent that to you, Josh, right? It was broccoli.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah, yeah, broccoli.

Speaker 2 Killing people. Left and right.

Speaker 1 They're dead.

Speaker 3 This guy from eating the eggs gained 13 pounds of muscle mass. Oh,

Speaker 1 protein.

Speaker 3 He had a notable drop in triglycerides.

Speaker 1 Don't know what that means.

Speaker 3 He was able to lift 44 more pounds. No.
But he said that it wasn't without a ticcops. On night five, he admitted, I had so much gas, I couldn't sleep.

Speaker 3 And my girlfriend asked me to sleep on the sofa because the flatulence was keeping her awake.

Speaker 1 Men get dedicated to a lot of weird shit. Totally.
The fact that that man had to sleep on a couch with a woman in the nice comfy bed, he said, no, I will forge ahead.

Speaker 1 I will continue to eat raw fucking eggs.

Speaker 1 Were they raw? They were raw salads. Salam.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, man.

Speaker 1 Not for me. Cook mine.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Love a cooked egg.
Cooking is an option. Yeah.
Cook them. Do it.
Raw eggs? For what? I guess to bodybuild.

Speaker 2 No, what's the difference? You can't have a big omelette?

Speaker 1 Oh, I guess not.

Speaker 3 What do we think about, on a quasi-serious note, you know, this bombshell report came out about Liam Payne, former, sadly, deceased from One Direction that, and they're saying things like, struggled with sexuality and like all these things coming out.

Speaker 3 And then the great Twitch from Ellen, the Ellen show, who passed away sadly, and his wife sort of did this tell-all book. Like, what is this with bringing things up when people are gone?

Speaker 1 I simply don't know. I think it's fucking weird.
when a person can't defend themselves. Yeah, we shouldn't be publicly talking about them.
That's weird. Yeah.
Weirdo fucking behavior.

Speaker 2 Unnecessary. I don't like it.
Me too.

Speaker 2 Once you're dead, I definitely don't care what your sexuality was when you were alive.

Speaker 1 No. You're dead.
None of my business. He's dead.
He can fuck whoever he wants. He can raw dog, whatever ghost he wants.
Like,

Speaker 1 anybody.

Speaker 3 Could you imagine? There's no STDs in heaven, huh?

Speaker 1 I don't think so. New movie.

Speaker 1 A bunch of people in heaven being like, well, I'm itching. What's going on?

Speaker 1 Is it that new guy?

Speaker 1 That's how they know the devil's taking over.

Speaker 1 Look at HPV.

Speaker 1 Everybody in heaven already has HPV. Come on.
The whole world does. Come on.
Everybody's got it. So hot.

Speaker 3 I mean, if you don't have HPV, have you been fucking? Did you hear that? That comedian Jim Jeffries got

Speaker 3 he, the village people want to sue him over the YMCA. He said it's not about gay dudes.
So I guess Jim Jeffries said that YMCA is a gay anthem.

Speaker 3 And he got a letter from Victor Willis, wife Karen Willis, who also manages the VP lead singer, that ripped into Jim for his obscene and derogatory and false description of the hit song and sent a cease and desist.

Speaker 2 I don't want to get sued, so I don't know if I should comment. That said, it definitely is a gay anthem.
I thought all of them were gay, and it was great.

Speaker 2 The YMCA was, it's about young men and hanging out and doing the YMCA.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And being gay.

Speaker 1 And they're dressed like strippers, right? This isn't like a construction worker, a little cop, a refirement.

Speaker 1 But also, that to me sucks because I'm like, that implies that being gay is bad or something that's gay is bad.

Speaker 2 Totally.

Speaker 1 Like, what? You should be so happy. You should be so happy that a group of people embrace the song.

Speaker 2 She should counter sue.

Speaker 1 We should counter sue. We should counter sue.
We should.

Speaker 1 Let's sue the village people. All of them.

Speaker 1 All four of them. I don't know.
How many people are the village people?

Speaker 3 It's, I mean, they're

Speaker 1 called the village people.

Speaker 3 The West Village people.

Speaker 1 No, I don't know.

Speaker 3 Well, there was another story, and I think this one is interesting, but I've lost it. Do you want to do some call-ins?

Speaker 1 Wait, real people? Well, they leave us messages. Yeah, okay.

Speaker 3 Okay, it's called a speakpipe.

Speaker 1 But they're real humans.

Speaker 3 If you want to leave us a message, get some advice, go to speakpipe.com/slash good guys.

Speaker 3 Keep it brief. Brevity is key.
Here's from, I don't know.

Speaker 4 Guys, Major Moron here. Yesterday I heard a story about someone's partner stopped canodling with them.

Speaker 4 And the only way that they could get off was by having their partner describe an entire Thanksgiving meal, course by course,

Speaker 4 until the end.

Speaker 4 The grand finale, if you will. Anyways, I was like, Claudia Page, is that you?

Speaker 1 Claudia nuts. Those are our wives.

Speaker 2 And also, in case you were confused, we call our listeners morons. That's why she said moron here.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 2 Okay. So she's saying that her and her.
She heard that two people aren't having sex anymore.

Speaker 2 Canoodling.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's also something that we do. Yeah,

Speaker 2 we're sometimes PG, sometimes R-8.

Speaker 1 We're a confusing bunch.

Speaker 2 But her lingo is straight from us. So they no longer canoodle, but they read Thanksgiving menus to each other and

Speaker 2 course by course until the person climaxes.

Speaker 1 Yes. It's like constant missionary.

Speaker 1 Thanksgiving isn't different. Every night you want to hear the same, it ends with turkey.
Like,

Speaker 1 that's so confusing for me.

Speaker 3 Maybe like we fried the turkey this time. Like this time we did a dry rub.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay. All right.
A turdunkin. Okay.
All right. Maybe there is some variety.
But like, I don't know. That's, I'm fat, but not that fat.
I'm not coming to that fat either. Mac and cheese.

Speaker 1 Hearing about it.

Speaker 2 Unless it's smoked turkey. None of this Thanksgiving turkey.
Maybe a nice smoked turkey sandwich that I could.

Speaker 1 I'm not a turkey.

Speaker 2 I didn't say that on my own time. No one is.

Speaker 1 But I did have a really great turkey one Thanksgiving. My old roommate John Milheiser made this turkey that was the moistest turkey I've ever had.
It was so good. And we ate it for days.
Wow.

Speaker 1 And it never dried out.

Speaker 1 And I simply don't know what he did. He came in it.
He came in in it?

Speaker 1 This is seconds after you said you're PG.

Speaker 1 My old roommate came in a turkey and then I ate it? And I have good memories? And now you've ruined them for me. Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay, Upper Eastside buddy.

Speaker 1 Can we move on?

Speaker 3 She even gave his first and last name.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. What if this gets clipped out and his family hears it? His mother's like, did you come in a turkey?

Speaker 3 He works at HR Block.

Speaker 1 He's going to lose his job.

Speaker 3 This is another one from, I don't know.

Speaker 5 Hey, good guys. This is Douglas, Mailmoran here.

Speaker 2 Just reaching out.

Speaker 5 Curious what your guys' ideal breakfast is. Like if you're going to have a big, delicious breakfast, what's on the menu? What's on the table? Lay it out for us.

Speaker 5 Every time you guys do this, it makes my mouth water. I absolutely adore it.

Speaker 1 Hope you have a wonderful day. Thanks.

Speaker 1 This is the Thanksgiving guy. Yeah, truly.
And then I moved on to breakfast. You're not going to to kill him.

Speaker 1 He doesn't like a real morning sale.

Speaker 1 I recently went on a pancake journey where every Saturday we would go get pancakes, but I've since relinquished that dream and have really come to the realization that pancakes for the table is the move.

Speaker 1 And then I like a savory, I like bacon, eggs, toast, a little jam on that toast, some fruit maybe, a little whipped cream to go on the pancakes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, depending on what kind of pancakes they are, but I love a lemon ricotta.

Speaker 1 Delicious.

Speaker 3 Maybe a little blueberry compote.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's nice. Yeah, it is.
Oh, that's nice. Oh, it sure is.

Speaker 1 Same here.

Speaker 2 I'm a big French toast guy. If I'm going sweet, I love a big kraal of French toast.
That's nice.

Speaker 1 French toast for the table.

Speaker 3 French toast for the table.

Speaker 2 The pancakes, if you can do a chocolate chip silver dollar pancake, you get those little ones. You can roll them up by hand and dunk them into the little maple syrup.
Fantastic.

Speaker 2 And I like an an omelette.

Speaker 1 I think you got to wrap them up in sausage to break up the sweet.

Speaker 2 Oof, that sounds fantastic.

Speaker 2 Need that.

Speaker 2 A little hash brown.

Speaker 1 I love a potato. Oh, I do like a potato.
Yes, a little hash brown. Ooh, a crispy hash brown.
Ah, I don't like breakfast potatoes, like the chunk'ems. Not fantastic.
No. No, that's crazy.

Speaker 2 Nice and nice and crispy.

Speaker 3 Where are we? Yeah, stop at it. Outer Michigan.

Speaker 1 That's not

Speaker 1 the top of the mountain. Yeah, what are we in? Canada?

Speaker 1 Keep your potatoes, Ontario.

Speaker 3 Keep your fucking Manitoba potatoes to yourself and eat them in vagina.

Speaker 1 Regina.

Speaker 1 I like a doughnut.

Speaker 1 I love doughnuts. Donuts are nice.

Speaker 3 But I also like, I fox with the parfait.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 3 I'll go hard body karate in like a well-done. And I know it sounds healthy.
We all know it isn't.

Speaker 1 No, it's not. With the granola, that's sweet.

Speaker 3 Bulky ass granola, fruits.

Speaker 1 If you like a parfait, I think it's called Good Thanks Cafe in the Lower East Side. They have like an acai parfait bowl.

Speaker 1 And it's like, I don't know how they do it, but the like, the acai is like frozeny, but also creamy is really good. And then there's berries in it.
And then there's like oats. Oh, that's a nice time.

Speaker 1 I would recommend it to you, but you're all the way up there.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'll take my car down there. Don't worry.
That'll park in front of the bus station.

Speaker 6 Hi, good guys. I'm Allie from NYC.
I have a quick question. Josh, I'm on your IMDB and I see you were in Captain America's Civil War.
What the hell were you in that movie?

Speaker 6 I feel like I've seen it a good amount of times and I have to know. Anyway, you guys, rack me up.
Both of you, congrats on having babies, BH, BH, BH.

Speaker 1 Yeah, let me know. I'm so curious.

Speaker 3 First of all, what were you?

Speaker 1 A human being who's an actor. That's who you were.
That's exactly right. That was

Speaker 1 rude.

Speaker 3 God bless you.

Speaker 3 bh is baruch ha shem which in hebrew is thank you god which we say a lot and we're both both our wives are pregnant him with his beautiful first child oh baruch hashem because we're very you know the jews we're always worried so we're nervous we praise up uh-huh me with my third so it's all over me three i know oh sounded good when we were trying wild so here's the crazy thing people have asked captain america winter soldier there is a josh peck credited on that film it's not you It's not me.

Speaker 3 Here's another crazy thing. The great Chris Evans

Speaker 3 has a friend from growing up.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 3 Named Josh Peck.

Speaker 3 It is his assistant

Speaker 3 that he puts on all his films.

Speaker 3 So he worked on Winter Soldier. Here's the crazy part.
Years ago, and I'm going to augment this to try to not get the person who fucked up in trouble.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 3 One day, I'm looking at my email two, three years ago,

Speaker 3 and I see an email for a deal, a deal memo for Chris Evans.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Wow.

Speaker 3 And when I tell you it's everything.

Speaker 1 People who are listening don't understand how personal that is. That's wild.

Speaker 3 Especially for a movie star.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 3 Like, for, you know, for me, it's like, oh, Josh would like coffee in his trailer.

Speaker 1 And they go video. You don't get a trailer.
And I'm like, you got a tent. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Also, I, I, real quick I once did a movie very bit part where I did have a tent and the tent blew away when I was trying to change out of my costume

Speaker 1 and I truly was like the world will continue to humble me in a wild way and I don't know what I did to deserve that let me shine let me have a let me have a what is it a fucking honey wagon the little itty bitty slim trailer with no bathroom let me have that please

Speaker 3 but keep going so I get this, and it is his, the only thing that was not included, it was for a new film he was going to do, was his fee. So I didn't know.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 3 But I knew his travel expense, his per diem, how much hair and makeup, his personal hair and makeup people were going to get, his trainer, his assistant, his driver, if the movie was successful, what the publicity tour would look like.

Speaker 3 Wow. Private, private planes.
It was in-depth.

Speaker 1 And I

Speaker 1 read it a bunch yeah I would memorize it I would then just start reciting it to people at parties

Speaker 3 $1,200 for protein

Speaker 3 and so after I stared at it good and long real quick did the movie come out it's it's out okay the movie has come out okay and by the way shout out the great Chris Evans we actually did do a little indie movie when I was like 12 and he was 18.

Speaker 3 Oh and so always been a lovely guy and this was just a mess up on someone's part who I won't say. So I am attached on an email with a bunch of people.

Speaker 3 So I write the person, I take everyone off of C and I just write the person directly. I go, I am not the Josh Peck you're looking for.
I said, you've sent me this mistakenly.

Speaker 3 I've destroyed it, but I want you to know so it doesn't happen again.

Speaker 1 They write me back.

Speaker 3 Thank you so much. Really appreciate it.
I'm correcting this.

Speaker 3 I got emails the next three years.

Speaker 1 That's incredible.

Speaker 3 It was like God playing a joke on me every four months.

Speaker 1 That's incredible.

Speaker 3 I'd be like, I guess I didn't get that under five on NCIS Newark.

Speaker 1 And they'd be like,

Speaker 1 Chris Evans is doing a fucking

Speaker 1 Marvel movie. Funny.
Yeah. That's wild.

Speaker 1 Did you ever respond again to be like, you have to take me off of this?

Speaker 3 I finally called the person and I go, and this is how I knew they were really messed up because the secretary answers and they go, hello, so-and-so.

Speaker 3 And I go, hi, this is Josh Peck calling for so-and-so. And they go, oh, we'll put you right through.

Speaker 1 I'm like, that's never happened.

Speaker 1 I always hear this, call back, uh-huh. Not here.

Speaker 3 And the person gets right on

Speaker 1 quick.

Speaker 3 Yes. And goes, hey, Josh, what's going on, man? So,

Speaker 3 for Chris. I go,

Speaker 3 do you know what's josh this is and he goes yeah it's it's josh chris's guy i go no it's not and he goes oh i go yeah i've been getting emails for years uh-huh you got to do something about this he goes oh man somebody messed up all right thanks click

Speaker 3 that was it and the emails have stopped sorry chris My God

Speaker 1 I know

Speaker 1 I hope Chris Evans hears this and reaches out to you to find out who that person is so he can fucking fire them. You made the mistake and you're going to hang up on somebody?

Speaker 3 That's right.

Speaker 1 Yeah, for real.

Speaker 1 Get grow up. Get fucked.
My God. I don't like that.
I don't like that at all. It's, yeah.

Speaker 3 Well, I get a couple deal emails too, okay? You heard a Hallmark channel?

Speaker 1 You heard a lifetime?

Speaker 1 Well, you know, ladies are loyal fans, and I think those are good places to be.

Speaker 3 I'm like, premium premium economy, I'll take it.

Speaker 1 I was like, big seat on spirit.

Speaker 1 It is iconic that an airline calls it big seat. Also, planes are falling out of the sky, and we're like not bugging out about it.

Speaker 1 They are. What?

Speaker 3 Yeah, they are. There was a crash yesterday.

Speaker 1 There are so many crashes. We got to fucking figure this out.

Speaker 3 Is it the drones? Is it the Jersey drones?

Speaker 1 I don't know. And that's a weird thing that never got solved.
Where's the Malaysian flight? We all

Speaker 3 stopped talking about that. These are the questions we need to be asked.

Speaker 1 Where's Malaysia?

Speaker 1 Where is it at? Where's Amelia?

Speaker 1 Where is it?

Speaker 1 Where is that dumb bitch? Where did she go?

Speaker 1 Making us all look bad. They say you're the first bitch up there.
And she went, mama disappeared. What?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 No, we don't know where that bitch is.

Speaker 3 And who is Saka Jawea?

Speaker 1 Who is she? Who is she? Who is she? She asked the hard questions.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 3 She got a gold dollar. I should know about this person.
No.

Speaker 1 She traveled with Lewis and Clark.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I think she did.
She did something good. It sounds crazy.
She does have a gold dollar. Remember when they were going to put Harriet Tugman on...

Speaker 1 Tubman on the, I call her Tugman for a very long time until in mixed company, I said it and they're like, that's not her name. And you of all people should know that.
Okay, yeah, you're right.

Speaker 1 But they were like going to put her on the $20 bill. And we never did.
What happened? I don't know.

Speaker 2 We're doing away with the penny. You saw that? The penny's gone.

Speaker 3 Penny's out.

Speaker 1 Do you know how much it costs? $9.99, and I hand them a $10. What then happens?

Speaker 2 Do you know how much it costs? I just found this out. Do you know how much it costs to make the penny?

Speaker 1 One penny? Three cents.

Speaker 1 That's a bad deal. And Trump knows that.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 you're going to make the dime. How much?

Speaker 2 Nine cents.

Speaker 1 It costs nine cents to make 10 cents?

Speaker 2 Sorry, to make the nickel.

Speaker 1 Nine cents to make a nickel?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Well, we have problems with our change.
No more change.

Speaker 2 Change is done. No more $9.99.
Whole numbers.

Speaker 1 Whole numbers.

Speaker 3 Should we get to what are you nuts? Yeah. All right.
Our final segment is called What Are You Nuts?

Speaker 3 It's our gripes with people, places, and things, big or small, whatever's currently sticking in your craw. Ben and I will start.
You'll go last. Ben, what do you got?

Speaker 2 It's just the general critiquing

Speaker 2 when I put out a recipe, Josh, okay? I put something out, okay? Sometimes I like to put in, it's specific to cilantro, okay? This is my woody nuts, is cilantro. Sometimes I like to experiment.

Speaker 2 I like cilantro. I'll even throw a cilantro sometimes in a meatball, which people are, they go crazy.
They're like cilantro and meatballs. What are you nuts?

Speaker 2 And I understand that that was a little bit crazy. Some people have an aversion to cilantro.
Some people think that it tastes like soap. I think that it tastes delicious.

Speaker 2 So I go for my Super Bowl spread. And I'm thinking of the people, Josh.
I'm thinking, you know, a lot of these people, they don't like cilantro. They think that it tastes like soap.

Speaker 2 They have an adverse reaction. So I don't put cilantro in my guacamole.
Oh my God, World War III.

Speaker 2 You'd think that the way that I just insulted the maker of the guacamole by not putting in cilantro, what are you nuts? The stars of the guacamole, Josh.

Speaker 2 Avocado, a little onion, little tomato, salt, pepper, lime. Cilantro is optional.
Okay. I like it, but most people don't.
So I leave it out.

Speaker 2 When I don't leave, when I leave it out, they want it back in. I can't win.
That's it. What are you nuts?

Speaker 3 My what are you nuts is Costco. And I love Costco, but people love Costco too much.
I was there this morning with my son. We were gassing up.
I'm cheap.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 3 it's 10 a.m. It's not 10 a.m.
It opens at 10. It's 9.45.
A line around the corner. I'm like, it's not the day before Thanksgiving.
It's not the day before 4th of July. It's a midday in February.

Speaker 3 Y'all need Costco that bad. You're lining up with those gigantic carts.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Woody nuts.

Speaker 3 It's just Costco, but it is awesome.

Speaker 1 Isn't it funny that the gas isn't sold in bulk? Yeah, it is. Why is everything else sold in bulk, but not gas?

Speaker 3 So true.

Speaker 1 Why is it interesting? A full tank and then a little bit extra for the same price as a full tank.

Speaker 3 Yeah, you bring like a little two liter.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Throw it in there.

Speaker 2 Or why can't you buy 10 tanks at once and then come back for all the tanks?

Speaker 3 Have a tab, a tank tab.

Speaker 1 A tank tab. Technically, you can, but you're paying for those 10 tanks.
You can fill up a tank of gas anywhere. But I think Costco should price it in bulk.
Yeah. Well, otherwise, what are we doing?

Speaker 1 That's Costco. But it's still a little cheaper, and I love it.
Do you have to have a membership to get gas there? You do. Wow.
Worth it.

Speaker 3 But you don't need a membership to eat.

Speaker 1 No, and they have soft serve and that's nice.

Speaker 3 It's delish.

Speaker 1 I love soft serve. We would have

Speaker 1 time to call that.

Speaker 1 Have you ever been to the window in Silver Lake?

Speaker 1 They have this, it's called like a peanut buddy. So it's a cone with vanilla soft serve, and they give you a nice amount, almost too much for one person.

Speaker 1 They hold on a cone. Then they dip it in the chocolate, and then they put peanuts on it, chopped peanuts before it like hardens.

Speaker 1 Oh my God. The other day I had one.
It was the bell of the ball on the block. I was licking it and people were like, hello.
And I was like, hello.

Speaker 1 And I was like, why are all these men giving me attention? It's like, bitch, because you're walking around licking a cone,

Speaker 1 like truly slurping on a cone.

Speaker 1 And then I had to finish it over the sink because there was so much ice cream. It went right through the cone.

Speaker 1 And I was like, I'm not throwing this away. I'm going to fucking eat it.
Anyway, my what are you nutses? How come, how come pants are different?

Speaker 1 How come you could order pants from the same brand, same size, and it'll just be different? It won't fit you. If I know my size, you should send me the exact same jeans that I bought before.

Speaker 1 Why are we doing this to people? Well, why is an extra large different in different brands? Why isn't there just a central like sizing thing for the people for me?

Speaker 1 Our stores are nuts.

Speaker 1 Nuts.

Speaker 1 Nuts.

Speaker 1 Are you nuts?

Speaker 3 Nicole, do you want to plug anything? What do you, where do you want the people to go? Tell us.

Speaker 1 I had an aneurysm.

Speaker 1 You can go to nicolebyerwastaken.com. That's my website because nicolebyer.com was taken.com's taken and I won't take it back.
No, there's no point. Just make a different website.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But I will be in Nashville the week this comes out. Next weekend, I'm in Nashville.
But I'm also going to be like in Austin, Portland, Miami. I think I'm going back to Denver.
Maybe it's DC.

Speaker 1 I don't know. But all my tour dates should be there.
She's on the road again because Hollywood won't make anything here.

Speaker 1 So true. Come on, Gabby Newsome.
Give us some tax credits. God, God, please.
Jeez.

Speaker 1 No, it's cool. I want to make more things in New Mexico.

Speaker 1 I can't wait to go back to Atlanta.

Speaker 3 When's Trump going to get a hold of New Mexico?

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 3 he got the Gulf of America.

Speaker 3 You know, he's plotting and planning.

Speaker 1 Fuck that.

Speaker 1 And stay in New Mexico, damn it. I hope he just names it New America.
Could you imagine? That would be really fucking funny. Truly, we're living in the dumbest time.

Speaker 1 Google changed it to the Gulf of America. What are we doing? What are we doing? Funny.
Who gives a shit? Canada's going to be the 51st state. What are we doing? Yeah.
That's too big to be one state.

Speaker 1 Come on.

Speaker 1 Too big. Break that shit up.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 This episode is five stars. Otherwise, what are you nuts? Listen to us.
Wherever you choose your podcast, watch us on YouTube. Share our clips, Instagram, and TikTok.
Monday and Thursdays, folks.

Speaker 2 We will see you next.

Speaker 1 Are you reading that or do you have it memorized?

Speaker 2 Oh, memorized, baby.

Speaker 1 Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services.

Speaker 1 Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.