Episode 441: Peter Crone on Breaking Mental Prisons + How To Dissolve Limiting Beliefs in Seconds

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Guys, today we have Peter Crone on the podcast, and I'm nervous about this one. I actually really am.
I was going to say that before we started rolling, because you talk so much about subconscious and conscious and language that I, it's hard for me and my personality to kind of like grasp and understand, right? Yeah, yeah. But I've seen like some of the work you've done and the things that you talk about and it's so compelling.
Thank you. You're welcome.
And that, so I wanted to have you on because there's a few little things that I've, I, I caught through social media that like really resonated. And I think my audience will find everything in your work, what you do.
Very interesting.

Okay.

So just like I never really, like I said, read these things, but just so people can.

Just for shits and giggles. Yeah, just for shits and giggles.

Exactly.

Okay.

It says here, you're a mindset coach, speaker, and writer known for your work as a, well,

in personal development, performance optimization, and spiritual well-being. You're referred to as the mind architect and focuses on helping individuals, athletes, business leaders break free from mental and emotional limitations and reach their full potential.
Does that like kind of good enough? I mean, it sounds pretty cool. I'd meet that guy.
I would meet you. That's why you're here.
I wanted to meet that guy. First, let's start with why do you call yourself or who calls you a mind architect? And what is that? So I sort of generated the moniker just by virtue of what I call, you know, necessity being the mother of invention, right? Meaning that there wasn't any other title that seemed to be sufficiently appropriate like i'd been called a spiritual teacher or a performance coach or even once a hitman for the ego uh happiness guru those are good they're okay yeah but i always was fascinated with architecture and particularly if you look at some of these sort of sci-fi type movies which i love like inception and matrix and doctor Strange and sort of the architecture of time and space.
And really what I recognized what I was actually doing was reorienting people's inner thinking space. So really redesigning who you are for yourself.
So the architecture seemed accurate. And where was I doing it? You know, predominantly in the mind being as that's the interface between, you know, our unmanifest self and manifest self.
So like self so like how did you get into this because i like you talk about a lot about the subconscious and how like we have our limiting beliefs and what we thought of our like it's so deep-rooted and that and then we act and our behavior is based on these ideas and thoughts of ourselves that we're not even aware of correct yeah right yeah but you're not a psychologist are Are you? Not trained. No, no.
Not like I don't have a certificate on my wall. No.
Okay. Well, the funny thing is most of the people I know who do have that certificate, like are the ones who are the most screwed up.
Isn't that the irony of life, right? You said it, not me. But yeah, I said it, not you.
So what is your background and how did you evolve into being this person that people go to, to kind of get, I guess, like tap into that subconscious?

I mean, I went through a lot of my own sort of personal story as a human from a young age.

Like I was only child, my mom passed of cancer when I was seven.

So that was obviously pretty significant for a little boy.

And then, so it was me and my dad.

And then at 17, so 10 years later, he went to work, he works on the boats.

So go between Dover and England, Dover and France, and Dover being the southeast part of England, and then Dover and Zebrugge, which is in Belgium. So they're ferry liners that carry cargo to people with caravans going on vacation, whatever.
And that boat capsized. And so sadly, he passed.
So my dad went to work one day, and I never saw him again. So they were both obviously significant.
So seven and 17, mom and dad gone. I had a stepmother.
She wasn't married to my dad, but she'd moved in. So she was there for like the last four or five years prior to that.
So she came in when I was about 12 or 13 or so. And so, you know, there was a semblance of some sort of adult figure taking care of stuff.
But that really forged me into this, you know, more exacerbated form of survival that I assume every human being has. Like we as mammals, our primordial imperative is just to make it, we just wanna survive.
Right. And so mine got obviously heightened at that point, didn't know where I was gonna go.
I eventually went to college, did very well. I actually skipped a year because my grades all got affected.
But that was- Where did you go to college? Back in London? Back in the UK. Oh yeah, okay.
Back in the UK. So a place called Loughborough, which was renowned more for sort of its athletic prowess, but it was sort of top five, you know, Oxford and Cambridge of the world, equivalent to the Harvards and stuff.
And then sort of in the top five, it was a great school. And so that was an amazing, I did three three years undergrad I did a postgrad for a year stayed on and then I very soon after that came to the states originally just for an experience like they did you know exchange programs where they pay 50 bucks a month or something to come and coach entitled kids tennis yeah were you a tennis player uh I wasn't like as a like a college performing d1 here or whatever you'd call it yeah I love tennis.
I was a good athlete. But I didn't compete for the school.
I played different sports for the school, but I didn't play tennis. But I was good enough that I took my certification program so I could teach kids.
And so it just brought me to the States. They pay for your flight.
They put you in a bunk with these eight obnoxious teenagers. Yes, I know all about it.
Yes, that was quite fun. The parents of Booten, I'm out of Manhattan.
It was in upstate New York. It was beautiful.
So it was a great introduction to the States, made some great friends. And then that led to one thing that then I came to California originally and stayed with a friend of mine that I'd met at the camp.
He was trying to make a movie. I got involved with him, made the movie.
It was a great experience, but a terrible business. It was three 24-year-olds doing the best they could.
Oh, wow. How old are you now? Now I'm 55.
Okay. You look amazing.
You're 55? Yeah. What are you? Okay.
That's a whole other podcast altogether. Yeah.
You do not look 55. No, thank you.
That's amazing. You look much younger.
Yeah. No, thank you my thank you appreciate that i play tennis still with kids who are half my age i'm still the quickest on the court yeah that's okay i want to get into your all that stuff later because it's really incredible that you you've obviously maintained your youth very well so then you've been here for like many years like 25 years or so 30 years yeah yeah so they so you were like in movies and like you were helping people i understand because my background is fitness and like we start like physically if you start doing things physically it does make a big difference in the mental performance like mental strength physical strength it's all kind of absolutely that's where i started actually really yeah so it's common knowledge i can say but i was tom cruise's trainer for a few years you were yeah? Yeah, for Mission Possible's and, yeah, Moulin Rouge and Nicole in Australia and stuff like that, yeah.
Okay, you don't care. This is great.
I was called for Tom Cruise many, many years ago. But are you a Scientologist? No, no, not at all, no.
Okay, because he was only hiring at some point, like only Scientologist. Yes, that was after I had left at the time.
A lot of the staff was, but wasn't and a lot of stuff weren't you know but I guess he changed that afterwards. So wait so what movies did you do for him? Oh there were a lot I was with him for five years so.
Okay I want to know what this is like by the way Mission Impossible is my favorite movie of all time all of them the whole series and I'm obsessed. These were early I don't know if it was the very first one but it was a couple after two and three we did a couple together moulin rouge with nicole we did the others we did minority report i can't remember them we did the blue room and um in london and new york which new york was a broadway show that nicole had done yeah it was amazing i lost track of all the movies jerry mcguire was on the back of that.
He was just finishing that. She had done Peacemaker with George Clooney.
Yeah, so it was five years, but anyway. That's huge, because he's like the most intense of, I would imagine, you know more than I would.
Was he as intense, I should ask you, as his reputation says? You know, it comes down to how you define words. I would say he was passionate.

I wouldn't say he was intense. I would say he's the ardent professional.
I learned a lot from him.

I have nothing but good words to say about my experience with them. He was

the quintessential professional. I mean, he did everything so well with such integrity,

and that was really inspiring to see. Did you have to be on cloth like 24-7? Because he would train like three o'clock in the morning if he wanted to.
No, no. It was a unique setup and that was a big part of my history.
So, I'm not sure it's so relevant today. Oh, it is relevant now.
Yeah, I'll tell you why it's relevant. Because I think that in my experience, my life, I have a background similar to you then.
But that leads, like, those opportunities that you create for yourself or that happen upon you, whatever, it's what you do with them, right? And it's a great, you can leverage things into different possibilities and opportunities from having these experiences. And I think that, like, when you're with people who are, like, high performers, this is my, they can cut me off if you'd like, but, and you start in one realm, it automatically, like there, it seeps into all sorts of different, like performance in different realms, because everything is connected.
Yeah, no, it definitely for a kid who had been orphaned in England, and didn't come from wealth or anything, didn't wasn't left a penny. It actually went to my then stepmother.
So I came to the States with about 200 bucks, which was tough. And I was sleeping on a very stained and not pleasantly smelling rent controlled apartment carpet, you know, in a living room with buddies.
And so that was very humbling, but in a way that it's really made me appreciate everything that I have. And so to your point, yes, when I was then in this environment with the jets and everything that you could imagine, it's sort of like you, you know, you sort of soak a piece of meat and whatever marinade, it's going to absorb it, right.
So through the process of osmosis, I was starting to imbibe my own higher frequencies of what becomes possible. So whilst I was a small cog in a big machine, I'm very grateful for the experience.
It did open my eyes to different ways of looking at life. And of course, then people, you know, there was press clips and things of what I was doing.
And so there's a little bit of notoriety that came with it that then afforded me to work with other people who were high performers. So it did start a new trajectory.
And that's why I'm, as I said, I'm super grateful for the experience. So what was the first thing that you did that kind of took on a life, like took on a new life? Yeah.
So when I left, much to the chagrin of kind of both of them, which was nice because they really enjoyed my company and we had great results together. But I just recognized that as much as I could transform a body which was somewhat child's play meaning because i'd studied exercise physiology human biology as my undergrad i kind of knew the ins and outs of anatomy to physiology and biomechanics so that was relatively easy and i got the job with them because i was a trainer originally and i was getting such incredible results so my name was thrown in a hat for a possible replacement for their old trainer.
So, but what I recognized was that takes time, right? In the world of matter, you need time and space in order to make true, you know, significant transformation. And I had already been fascinated with philosophy, the mind, why do humans do what they do? I was also a ski instructor for a while.
And I can remember distinct moments where I would be watching two people I was helping, same age, same experience, same sort of seemingly athletic ability, but one was sort of had this trepidation and scared and the other one went for it. And I'm like, it's got nothing to do with equipment anymore, right? It's about perception.
So that really opened up this whole line of coaching at the time. I just was sort of doing friends and family to start, you know, seeing if I actually had, you know, anything decent to say.
And then it really took off very quickly when I got some professional athletes who started to triple winnings and things like that, you know, on a professional level where they were changing nothing but their mindset and, you know, golf and then baseball. And so that kind of really, that accelerated my career very quickly then.
So, right, because you talk so much about, it's all about like limiting beliefs beliefs like at what point in your mind or have you seen where talent takes you so far and then it comes into like if you actually think you can or the mindset you have or the limiting belief that you can like in all your experience that you just said what is that one thing that holds one person back and allows the other person to thrive and go so much further, even if that other person had more talent? I don't know if there's one thing. I mean, what's come through me, the uniqueness and sort of proprietary nature of my work is I've delineated these 10 prisons of the subconscious that we all have.
So you could argue that actually somebody's constraint becomes the impetus for their success. Like somebody like a Kobe, he thrived on making people wrong.
I would say it's a limited way of actually becoming accomplished because you're being defined by a negative, if that makes sense. So even though it can get people a long way, it typically is being driven by the energy of fear.
So with my athletes, there's the myriad of like, I'm not good enough, I'm a failure, you know, whatever it is that holds any human being back. So they could have all the talent in the world, just like you probably have friends and family who are brilliant, and they have a lot of potential, but they don't know why they can't access a loving relationship, nine, 10 figure business or whatever they want, or health in their body.
So it's these sort of blind spots that hold people back, which is sort of my area of expertise to reveal. And as Carl Jung said, he had a beautiful quote he said until you make the unconscious conscious it will drive your life and you'll call it fate i heard you say that actually i saw that that clip that you talked about that and i'm so fascinated by this because it's a hundred percent true and this is what this is like the this is the pool that you play in yeah so that like i could we do like a whole hour just hour just on that.
We do all have, it's always the people who are the smartest, who are, sometimes they overthink their way into analysis paralysis, right? And that's why I think sometimes people who are the, I hate to say it, but the more less intelligent or people who aren't that smart,

get way further in life because they have nothing holding them back.

They're like, why not?

I'll just go for it, right?

Exactly.

Versus the people they overthink, they analyze, their brain becomes their prison.

I don't know, well, you probably know because you've listened to some of my stuff,

but I tend to download in quotes.

So I have a quote to that point about intelligence where I said, being smart doesn't make you any happier. It just makes your reasons why you're not way more convincing.
That's 100% true. So the people who have the IQs, the EQs, you know, they're able to discern and to justify, rationalize why things won't work.
So, you know, I could say if there was one catch-all for your question about what is the one thing that holds people back, oftentimes it's really, it's the accumulation of disappointment or failure, right? So you think about a young mind in whatever regards, whether it's walking, tasting something, going up to a girl for the first time, you know, there's a certain innate cavalier part of being human where we're just curious. But then when you've had disappointments and trials and tribulations, the more you've accumulated, then the more your brain uses that as evidence as to why it's not going to work.
So again, one of my quotes, I say, past hurts informs future fear. So the greater the hurt, then sort of the commensurate energy that comes with that is now fear.
So kind of the younger you are, which with a lot of my pro athletes, most of them are, then there's this sort of more fuck it kind of attitude.

Yeah.

So, which to me is really representative of one of my favorite qualities, which is commitment. Like most people just aren't committed in filling the gap, you know, relationships, their health, their career, you know, their sleep program, whatever it is.
Like, you know, they're not really committed. And that's not a judgment.
It's just an observation for people, maybe even as they listen to that go, holy shit, like, I struggle with that, you know, the absence of commitment in my life. So athletes who are successful have less accumulated baggage, you know, and ideally combined with a lot more commitment.
How about regular people who are not athletes? Same. Just smart.
We're all athletes. We're all performers at the end of the day.
You know a mom, you have a show, you have a business, you're a performer, right? And so, I work with corporations and I look at the corporate athlete. It's the same thing, right? What is your discipline, your dedication, how clear are you on what you're wanting to accomplish? Where are your big audacious goals that you're trying to get to? Same with everybody.
Then how do you help somebody break free from that?

Like they're limited. big audacious goals that you're trying to get to.
Same with everybody. Then how do you help somebody break free from that, their limited belief? What if they don't know it themselves? What's the process? Can you walk me through what the process is to even begin really knowing what's in your subconscious mind? Yeah, it's quite insidious.
And for that reason, it's like kind of fine surgery. You know, Michelangelo was asked, how did you create this beautiful sculpture of David out of big piece of marble? And he said, I didn't.
David was already in there. I just chipped away everything that wasn't David, right? Which is beautiful.
So I think, you know, early on in life, we take big chunks off the corner, right? You can maybe just see the corner of a shoulder. But what I'm working on is sort of the details around the eyelids and the nostrils, right? So, it's very subtle.
It's sort of brain surgery a little bit, quite literally. Right, literally.
So, the process is you're a human being, whoever I'm working with, whatever walk of life, and you know you feel some constraints, some resistance, some frustration. There's a degree of you're not fulfilling on your version of potential, or life isn't the way you want it or, you know, further down the line of imbalances, you're sick or you have anxiety or depression or addiction, right? Most of my people are pretty robust.
They have successful lives. They just want to go to the next level.
Right. But it runs the gamut, right? People to the point of like, I've helped people who are suicidal, you know, and help them understand they're actually not not that's just a part of their subconscious that is asking to be relinquished so they don't want to die part of the software that no longer serves them wants to die and that distinction alone has saved many lives right wow do you see that yeah but how do you know that like what like if someone how do you even get into that subconscious you hypnotize them is that so i can hear it to finish the question, so whatever area of life they're being triggered in, and there's normally only a few because of humans, our details are very complex.
It's an uncle here, an aunt, a wife, a kid, a boss, but it's all the same. It's like we kind of have family stuff, we have health body stuff, we have maybe money stuff, we have career stuff, and then maybe hobbies and passion.
It's like humans don't talk about too many things. There's buckets.
There's buckets that, you know, we all are basically committed to and attached to. So wherever the people get triggered, I use that as an access point to reverse engineer what is it that that must be revealing about you as a human where you're not okay with something.
So again, one of my quotes I love, one of my favorites is life will present you with people and circumstances to reveal where you're not free. So meaning that it's the opportunity that life is to be human is that we, you know, scurry around doing the best we can thinking we're trying to get somewhere and we get pissed off, upset, triggered, hurt, whatever it is.
And that's where for me, without getting too poetic and esoteric out of the gate, if we're these divine, integrous beings who are timeless and limitless, meaning there's nothing that we can't handle, there's nothing we can't create, but if we get stopped by something, then that's where the subconscious is caught in some pretense or a lie that you're not good enough, or you're not lovable, or you're not safe. So for me, this whole dimension of humanity on planet Earth is because we all came here to break free from the constraints with which we arrived.
So that's the process. Basically, where do you get pissed off? Where do you get triggered? That's gold.
And if you're with someone who knows how to reverse engineer it, then you'll discover why you get triggered. Because again, unless I say, unless it's life threatening, it's just ego threatening.
Most of the time it's 99.999 it's ego threatening so then that's the gold right so ego threatening is what how do you define that ego threatening meaning that something you got upset by something right you know jennifer got pissed off because or she's hurt because or she's scared because right there's some the way even because we're under the effect the the illusion that we're at the effect of life. Oh, why are you upset? Oh, because somebody cut me off in traffic.
Well, no, you're not upset because of that. Someone just cut you off in traffic.
You're upset because of the way you react to it. And that's all us.
So we become the author of our own experience when you start to realize the power of responsibility. Most people don't want that.
They want to point fingers, you know, like I'm pissed off because my husband, da, da, da, or my wife or my kids or my boss and so then you become a victim it's sort of a powerless way to live life very much so yeah so i undo all of that and help people to discover their own authorship they're the they are the genesis of their own experience it must be hard i mean i think it's i would imagine the reverse engineering of it and making people see things they like is it don't people easily just revert back to how they were? It's easy to do that. Like it's easy and they can.
And again, it's dependent a little bit on age. The older we are, the more established all of our habits, patterns, neural pathways are.
Yeah. So working with youngsters, it's sort of like, you know, the, the transformations can be instantaneous and lasting.
So you need some time, like anything, like, you know, you're an athlete. So whatever sports you play, I love golf and tennis and skiing.
And if someone was looking at my swing, they might have the most beautiful insight about what I'm doing. And I could maybe feel it when I'm with a coach.
But then it's up to me to go and practice it. So it becomes ingrained.
No different with the mind, even as even more slippery, though, it's a bit more subtle. Yeah, but it's the same thing.
You know, there's what i call the two main buckets of awareness of your blind spot bring the unconscious conscious as carl jung said and then there's a practice of this new set of eyes that you're looking through of like oh my god i always thought my mom was da da da fill in the blank and so i've communicated with her like that but that's based on my history of her and that's not who she is today so we sustain our images of things and then we perpetuate because the ego wants to be right even though what it's being right about are limitations which is insane right we want to convince ourselves that what we think is actually true yeah is that why what the words we say are so important yes yeah i was told the other day something like even if you're saying something in jest or joking, like, you know, oh God, I'm so dumb because I forgot that. Like your brain doesn't have a sense of humor.
So they don't know you're joking if you say the word, I'm so dumb, ha ha. They just think in that word, I'm so dumb or just becomes the loop.
And it's a little bit more slippery than that because even what generates the I'm so dumb, because by the time you've had a conscious thought or an expression, it's being generated from a subconscious pattern. So, that statement, I'm dumb, as a way of defacing yourself or mocking ourselves or joking, that only exists because of who you are at a deeper level to even say it in the first place.
Right. Oh, God.
See, this is where I get... I got to really pay attention.
Yes. Okay.
So, say that again. So, someone...
This isn't the snicker bar-like version. This is not that...
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly.
I got to really laser focus. So, think about it this way.
So, this house that we're in, beautiful house, can only exist because of the foundations, but we can't see the foundations. But nonetheless, the house could not exist if it weren't for them, nor could we build a bigger house relative to the size of foundation.
So, think of the foundations like the subconscious. So, everything that happens in this house is directly commensurate with the foundations that allow for it.
Yes. I'm following you.
Yes. So, likewise, someone's personality and their conscious thoughts and the words they say can only exist to the degree that their foundations of their subconscious allow.
Right. So, you can't change the foundation.
No, well, you can because… You can? Yeah, you can. That's sort of, you know, sort of mental emotional excavation, I guess.
I guess it is, yeah. The re-architecture.
But you can because the difference between, like, you know, the concrete that's beneath us, this is based in language, which is why words are so important, because subconscious constraints are also based in programming. So, for example, the I'm not enough, which everybody can relate to, will manifest differently depending on somebody's circumstances and their proclivities towards whatever it is, focused on relationships, focused on money.
It will manifest in that way. But the I'm not enough isn't an inherent truth.
It's just a constraint. But if it's been there for 40 years, it's very convincing for that person.
They'll say, oh, I'm so dumb, or oh, I'm never going to meet anyone, or why was I trying to start a business? I'm so stupid to think that I would be successful. Those words make sense for somebody at a deeper foundational level to think that they're not enough.
So, what I would do is hear those things. They're not truths.
There's no truth in saying I'm dumb or I'm an idiot or I'm a failure. That's not a truth.
It's a statement, a declaration that reinforces a deeper narrative. If we can access that, this is what I do in my masterminds or when I'm working with people, it's so revelatory.
It's so moving because people are like, holy shit, I don't even know what I could do now because you're not being confined by anything anymore. Right.
So, in your work, you can actually take away that ideology at a foundational level. Yes.
How? Like, you're in a mastermind. I'm in your mastermind.
I like to know the nitty-gritty. Yeah, no, I love that.
I love your attention to detail. It's the attention.
Because I feel like, especially on this podcast or in my life, I'm sure with you too, you meet a lot of different people, experts in this and experts in that. And they give you this very panoramic, overarching ideologies.
But in real life, it's really hard to kind of ask. For sure.
Conceptual, yes. So one last Saturday in my mastermind, which just started, it's a three and a half month process.
We meet every two weeks on a Saturday. It's a long day.
I do theory and then I coach people. So one of the women I was coaching, people from all around the world who attend and she's in Holland and she's a mom of two kids.
And she had a question. She struggles with migraines and particularly around her cycle.
And there's some sort of physiological associations. But really what it came down to

her deep subconscious pattern was it's all up to her. It's not like she's thinking that.

It's almost so, well, yeah, I'm a single mom. Of course, it's like, it's so commonplace for her

to act that way. But it started when she was young and she had to drive her dad who was an

alcoholic. And when she's a kid, having all of this responsibility put onto her that wasn't

I'll see you need to. These words carry weight, right? So, for a kid, it's like, I literally have to keep my dad alive because he's the one paying or providing food or shelter, right? Right.
But then that continues and now it's perfect. She's fulfilling on the sentence of her subconscious, which we all do.
So, now she's a single mom and now she feels like it's incumbent upon her to do everything. I understand the logic of it, but it's not a truth.
So how do I undo that? I take people through an exercise. So for example, I said, if I cut you open, am I going to find a manufacturing label that says, you're from Holland, it's all up to you? And she laughs and said, no, of course not.
I'm like, okay, so it's not part of your hardware. So where does it exist? She's like, well, it's what I believe.
Okay, great. So it's software.
Software we can play with, right? I can't change the color of your eyes. I'm not at that level yet.
But yes, I throw that in there. Stay in the possibility of it.
But the language that I could do something with. So then I said, okay, so where does it exist? She's like, well, it's in my mind.
Great. What's the format? Well, it's all up to me.
It's words, right? Okay. Yeah.
So if it's just words, is it an absolute truth? I get your, it's how you feel. I get it's what you've done, but is it a truth that it's all up to you? And she really got it.
She said, no, it's not a truth. You see the shoulders drop, the physiological breathing patterns change.
And it was so beautiful. And this will be coming out because we can use it as a podcast episode.
And she oh my god i i don't even like i've just been introduced to a world i don't even know how to explore and it's so profound like that's my my response normally is i'm introducing you to a world that you're not familiar with because when you've lived in the world from a very young age you know we had a few years prior when we're just free and kids and we do whatever and we throw up on people's, we don't know we're doing anything wrong. And then suddenly we learn at one point that being us isn't enough.
Like there's something that kicks in at a very young age to terrible twos because we start to hear wrong, bad, don't do this. So, it's a very interesting part in the arc of a human being's personality where suddenly we're told that who we are is no longer just unconditionally loved.
And then from that point forth, all we're doing is trying to get that back. I understand what you mean.
Yeah. And so it all stems from an experience or a time in your childhood that you're acting out in adulthood, I guess.
Yeah, that's continued because it was so jarring. Sometimes it's really traumatic.
I've helped a lot of people who've had some abhorrent things happen to them, you know, the whole world of sexual abuse, which sadly happens to a lot of kids. And now it's a parent or a child, an adult who's managing real physical sickness, real trauma in relationships, which is still playing out the unreconciled trauma from childhood.
Do you know, are there specific patterns that you see over and over again? Yes. Okay, what are they? Well, some of the most common ones are the feeling of inadequacy, like I'm not enough.
For women particularly, the feeling of insecurity, like we're not safe, you know, as a woman, because sadly for hundreds of years, the patriarchal has been somewhat abusive, you know, in varying degrees, right? And so, and then some sense of scarcity, they're the three main buckets that everybody has. There's something fundamentally wrong with me.
I'm not safe in the world. Like, I can't just, you know, leave my house open, no worries.
Like, there's crime out there. The world is dangerous, right? And then there's never enough.
Like, even I've worked with, you know, 15, 20 billionaires, and they're still in a scarcity mindset because it's part of the human condition. So, then how does stop like but you're saying even earlier even the kobe for example yeah he became really successful because of a chip on his shoulder that he had to prove you know he had to prove that he's not that he is enough right that's what i see all the time too i think that's a that's that whole thing if you really when i talk to a lot of people yeah that's kind of when they when you peel back the layers that's really what kind of motivates a lot of people, right's kind of, when you peel back the layers,

that's really what kind of motivates a lot of people, right?

It does, yeah. Because they're trying to prove something to themselves subconsciously,

that they are enough, that they can do it,

that they just are relentless.

That will be what it takes.

But you just said it there in your own speaking,

like they're trying to prove it to themselves.

Yeah, prove it to themselves.

So it's me against me, right?

It's my story of inadequacy that I think is because my dad said I'm a loser and I'll never amount to anything. But actually, that's just one thing that he said that probably took like 10 seconds, but I've been carrying for a decade.
Yeah. Two decades, three decades.
So are you fighting your dad anymore? Or is you fighting your own belief that you've actually started to own and identify at? And that's the old analogy of driving a car with one foot on the brake and one foot on the accelerator at the same time, which is how most people live their lives and why they get sick. Well, you said something, hold on, I want to like, hold on, I'm going to open this thing up.
Sure, reference your notes. Yeah, that I haven't even looked at.
Okay, so like I want to, there was a line, something like, you know, you help people go from where they are to where they think they should be.

Because I think that where we think we should be versus where we actually are is why people get so frustrated and depressed and upset. Because they always think they should have had a different life that they have right now.
Yeah, and it's one of the things I do live events now. And I spoke recently at one of them talking about it's incredible the amount of energy yeah a human being exerts and puts into trying not to be where they are that's what well that's i think what social media has done though too right like certainly contributed to it it does social media in and of itself is not doing anything it's just appealing to these mechanisms of the one of the fundamental prisons where we think that the way our life is isn't it but but we're getting that right but you can never get there because you're never in the future there's only the proverbial now that Eckhart Tolle has been talking about for 40 years oh my god by the way am I the only person who talks to you that has to like really listen intently to like it's not just me okay right because it's like because you're talking the way you speak about these things it's like you have have to pay attention.
You can't just like, you know. Just shoot the breeze and talk about what you had at Chipotle.
No, no, you can't just pretend I'm listening. Yeah, exactly.
Like thinking about where my errands for later. No, I'm going to ask you to be fully present with me, my dear.
I have to be because it's like you're taking it back. But I feel like that's what we do, right? Like no one seems to be happy with where they are.
They're always seeking for betterment. Like, that's what personal growth really is, though, right? Like, you want to go from where you are to a better version of yourself to a better version of yourself.
You can. And there's, you know, I'm somebody who's utterly committed to doing, you know, the best I can with this lifetime and accessing, realizing my potential.
But there's different ways by which we move, right? So most people move because of fear and lack and scarcity, right? So there's something wrong. And so the person who goes to the gym and signs up at the beginning of the year and pays their 50 to 300 bucks a month or whatever it is, is invariably being driven by something that they are not wanting.
So most people's wanting energy of wanting, it creates time, right? If I want something, then what I'm actually saying is I don't have it. So now I create time.
So now I've got some sort of future idea of what it is that I feel will fulfill on, in this case, really a sense of accomplishment or peace. Oftentimes wanting is really, we just want relief from the suffering that we're in.
So not wanting is usually the catalyst for wanting. So someone doesn't want to be out of shape.
Someone doesn't want to be pre-diabetic. Somebody doesn't want to be obese.
And so they're now, well, what I'm going to do is go to the gym and get a membership and a trainer. That's fine.
They might get some results, but invariably they're being informed by what I call the negation, the not. So that wanting can get results, but invariably they will fall by the wayside and they'll not show up after the first month or whatever it is, or they cancel the membership because it's not a creative form of desire.
It's a reactive form. And when humans are reactive, we're actually holding on to something we don't want and trying to mitigate it or disprove it.
So that's, again, the slippery and insidious part of the ego is it's like it knows relatives to society, well, I don't look good right now and I i want to be loved and accepted that's one of the primordial imperatives of every human is i want to be loved and accepted because it goes back to that kid who felt they weren't and so in order to do that what do i have to do because i know who i am right now isn't which isn't that i'm not loved and accepted by society but i'm not loved and accepted by myself and so then the exhausting game of trying to become who i think i need to be to garner that from outside, which will never work because you're not trying to get it from outside because everyone's playing the same game. If you think about it, it's kind of hilarious.
Should people get high before they listen to this episode? So they can, can they can, I don't know if that will help possibly. I think so because I feel like it, like they can like really focus on this.
Yeah. I mean, many people do say that they have to listen to things four or five times to really get it.
To really get it. But it makes perfect sense.
But it's just like you're saying it so matter-of-factly. Because it is.
Because it's physics, right? I've been doing this for 30 years. Right.
For me, it's very clear. And I think, excuse me, that's one of the reasons that people are drawn to and enamored with my work.
because even if they can't keep track right now because they've got their own kind of fog of their own ego they can hear the the inherent truth about what i'm saying it's not even my opinion so much as it's just the mechanics of what it is to be human no it's it's a hundred percent true yeah it's about the see i think what i what i notice even, it's not that I don't know, you know, people, I think intellectually or like just whatever, they, they know what they need to eat. They know that what they have to do, but it's in the execution that everything falls apart.
Right. Because life or like they rationalize it or these blind spots.
And so like how that to me is what the most interesting thing is. It's like can see my blind spots right i can see your blind spot if i spent like time with you like you know i would i would come back and be like oh he has this this this and this is his blind spot but yeah because you know i'm a very then this is probably you know i'm hyper i think i'm observant and critical i'm very critical but does that mean if i'm a critical person that really I'm critical of myself? 100%.
And you're just mirroring whatever it is that... Yeah, it's not only mirroring what you see for yourself.
It's also mirroring the coping strategies that you've developed. Interesting.
Yeah, so you've become very astute. Like if I were to put you in a general consensus, it's like a very easy label people have heard.
It's like you're a perfectionist. Yeah, but only'm not a i'm not a perfectionist that's where it all starts yeah right that's all it starts but i notice everybody's like idiosyncrasies and yeah like not just short i notice everything like how someone like uses their hand and twitches their foot or how they're like looking at me or if they're nodding and what they're thinking.
Like my brain is constantly in a loop of that.

Yeah.

So one level you can look at that as a great asset.

Like I have the same, right?

So I make a distinction between being highly observant

and being vigilant.

They both carry the capacity to really be very present

with your surroundings and be very aware.

Like you've got this keen eye where you can notice,

as you said, these little subtleties.

I notice when someone's breathing pattern changes

when I'm talking to them, right?

So I can see different softness in their face, you know, sometimes when they've sort of let go of a constraint. But being observant, most people are observant, but from a place of previous need to survive.
So, their powers of observation have got this underlying current of fear, and that's vigilant. So, I would assert, you know, not wrong or right, that much of your capacity to see things was, and maybe still is, informed a little bit by fear, where you're trying to get everything right, or you're wanting to have things a certain way.
Control, probably. Yes.
Which, again, control as a behavior is where there's an underlying feeling of insecurity, where you got hurt before when things were out of your control, so now I'm not going to be hurt again, so I'm going to make sure that I control everything that I can, which is really just perpetuating the previous hurt as opposed to experiencing the hurt, allowing it, and then stepping into what is literally a brand new day every day. So how do you walk through life then? Are you perfect now? No, I don't even like the word.
No, because, again, I say, please don't become perfect. You'll have no one to relate to.
Yeah, right. Right.
So, that's a adaptation. It's a strategy that the ego will use because the ego doesn't accept itself.
I've gotten to a point where I'm just okay being me, you know, and people are going to think whatever they want to think. That's okay.
Yeah, that's a great place to be. And I'm compassionate, I'm loving, I'm kind.
I don't in any way claim to be perfect in every arena of life. I'm sure, you know, I've lost money on the stock market.
I could have done better there. You know, like, am I really diligent all the time with my workouts? No, but I'm pretty damn good.
You know, there's going to be room for improvement in all areas of my life. I'm just okay with that.
And I'm doing the best I can. So I embrace my humanity, which actually allows me, I think, to perform even better because I don't have these limiting feelings of inadequacy or judgment and self-pity and woe that a lot of people do where they beat the shit out of themselves because I should have done this, I should.
I'm like, no, I'm pretty chill. You're pretty chill about that.
Yeah. It's true because you seem pretty chill when you walked in here.
Much more chill than I thought you were going to be. But then again, I barely know you.
But because you were telling me about the buckets for women, where the patterns are. What are the buckets and patterns for men that you see a lot? Well, I said women more about the insecurity.
So men, it tends to be more about performance. For women, obviously, the primordial focus is on appearance and beauty, right? These are like deep in DNA, right? The prettiest girl wins the alpha male.
So this is how you continue

the species, right? This is deep, deep, deep DNA stuff. So for men, it's more around performance, right? Like whether that be sports, sex, business, money, like, you know, that's where men struggle, right? Is that they're scared that they're not going to be doing something well enough.
And so those are just big generalizations. But sometimes men can feel scared.
I mean, I've helped a lot of guys who their dad was mercurial and really angry.

And so they are just big generalizations. But sometimes men can feel scared.
I mean, I've helped a lot of guys who their dad was mercurial and really angry. And so they're scared too.
They tend to cower if it's somebody of status or a boss or same thing. You can still have that same feeling of insecurity.
So how do you work with someone like that to kind of get over the need to outperform? But again, tracing it back to what is the underlying

root narrative in their subconscious, where did that start? Where was the first time you thought

that being you wasn't enough or how you had to compensate was be the best or get the A or

whatever it is? And so you normally, people can remember, sometimes they forget, but when I'm

having a conversation with them, they'll remember, wow, the first time I came home with my sister, my my grade card and she got all a's and i got a b and my dad i could see he was really

you they forget, but when I'm having a conversation with them, they'll remember, wow, I can, you know, the first time I came home with my sister, my grade card, and she got all A's, and I got a B, and my dad, I could see he was really disappointed. Something super benign.
But nonetheless, at that moment, that child decided that I'm less than my sister or my brother. And so, from that moment forward, they've tried to not be less than, which of course reinforces less than.
But the way that shows up in behavioral adaptations is hardworking, perfectionist, people pleaser, you know, sort of now they've got adrenal fatigue, you know, it manifests in the physiology over time. So I would help them go back to that and say, okay, so at that moment, did it really mean that you were less than or did it mean you got B's and they got A's? And so you start to separate emotion from fact, right, which is where PTSD, you know, where people associate a moment with how they felt versus allowing the moment to be the moment.
My dad went to work and died. But for years, I had a story of loss, which no one would begrudge me.
It made sense. But I didn't lose my dad.
My dad died. And so the story of loss impacted me, the truth of my dad dying, and I can still have grief.
I miss the crap out of him. I know he'd be so proud of what I've accomplished in the world.
These are all still legitimate, but I'm not losing anything anymore. Otherwise, it's a part of me that's gone, right? Yeah, it sounds like you do a lot of reframing and self-talk.
Reframing and the self-talk is really a dissolution process of self-talk. Like, I don't solve problems, I dissolve them is what I tell people.
So, people's problems sit on top of the narrative that is a confining space so i reveal the confining space and then the dissolution of that opens them up to a world of pure possibility you you know that that now it reminds me of a video i saw that i think was what came up on my feed that you did, which was about love and falling in love.

Yes, that one went crazy.

That's like 6.5 million views or something.

Really?

Yeah.

Because that to me, it was so,

the way it was worded was very interesting.

Yeah.

So that was someone in my live event.

So I work with people in the crowd,

which is really fun.

People I've never met before,

I don't know what they're going to say.

I've had someone who had chronic pain,

I showed him he didn't,

to someone who was a loser and was on heroin and in jail to realize he's not a loser i mean really moving stuff and that woman yeah she was lovely uh juliana i think her name is but she was saying how she was 39 and worried about not finding love again and she was talking about this one big love of hers when she was 20 and you know never feeling like she could ever revisit, you know, so I was helping her see that she had collapsed love with the person, which we all do. Like, I'm in love with you in that person.
And then if that person goes away, well, now I'm devastated. And so I just help people see, no, that person is extraordinary.
And you might have hopefully a lifetime with them, maybe raise a family and it's beautiful, but the love is yours. They might simply be the catalyst and the inspiration for it, just as the anger is yours, but they could be the inspiration for it.
Like you pissed me off. Well, no, they didn't said what they did and you had a reaction.
So that completely changed her life and apparently millions of others where they're like, holy shit, like people who had just gone through a breakup, they're devastated, they're depressed. Like, what's the point? It's like, oh no, I had so much love, that's me, that's, I can take that.
Now, in theory, you can take it anywhere, but of course, you're going to have preferences as the kind of people you want to hang out with, like, I'm a super uber loving guy, doesn't mean I want to spend the rest of my life with everybody, but I'm still the source of my love. Well, yeah, I think the way it was worded or something was something to the effect that it's not that you were in love with him.
It's that you were in love with the way it made you feel. The version of you that you became through and with him.
And that's the journey of self-revelation and self-realization is that life is revealing our own potentialities in all regards. It's not just love, although I would assert that's our predominant state.
But. But it's, you get pissed off with someone, see how angry you can get.
Like, it's not because of them, it's who you became through and because of them in terms of that energy, but it's still yours. And so that then introduces responsibility that most people don't want.
Because again, going back to what I said earlier, most people are at the effect of life. Well, no, I'm happy because I got good news from so-so.
I'm pissed off because of what my wife or husband said. I'm angry because, no, then you're a victim of circumstance.
Right. So, you're saying that when we start putting things on the external only, that's not, we can't define ourselves or our happiness or sadness based on outside.
You can, but you're going to be left unfulfilled and feeling hopeless because then that's when you become a control person, freak, whatever word people want to use. Because you're saying, well, it's ipso facto, right? If I feel hurt or happy by my environment, I'm going to do everything I can to control the environment so that I manage my emotions.
That's an exhausting way to try and manage yourself. If I can learn to be okay with whatever's happening at peace with life, I've won.
Right. And you have to, I guess you have to practice that.
Awareness and practice, they're the two main markers. As I said, most people just aren't aware.
So that's why I have compassion. I say you can't be held accountable for that, which you're oblivious to.
So people are judgmental of someone who's smoking cigarettes. Well, yeah, the world knows cigarettes are bad, but that person's still doing it.
It's not like they're like, oh, I can't wait to have a cigarette because I know it's great for my vitality. They're still in some form of suffering and the cigarette is their mechanism of relief and now it's become a habit.
But they're not aware of why because underneath it, they feel like they're a piece of shit or nobody loves them. That's the suffering.
That's the real addiction is the idea of our own inadequacy is the addiction then whatever shows up on top of that pick your poison right yeah but if you can get out of that then you're free you can be okay with whatever that's why my main product is freedom freedom it makes perfect because everyone wants to feel freedom yes but they're under the impression freedom will come when they perfect their circumstances right it's like it's like a loop. It's an exhausting loop.
Exhausting. Because I think also it's like your behavior is a product of what your subconscious thinks.
Yes. It's not just, you're not just acting willy-nilly.
No, no, no, no, no. No, that's why the quote, again, Carl Jung is so beautiful because he said, until you make the unconscious, I call subconscious, conscious, it will drive your life, meaning it's what's informing, but you'll call it fate.

Right.

Okay, so...

So, all behavior, like I said earlier, the words that you say, the genesis of them are these blind spots.

So, we think, oh, it's just bad luck.

No, it's the energetic signature that you occupy in the way that you see yourself at the deepest level that creates your energetic way of relating to everything in life. So there's no coincidence.
Is this like frequency and vibrate? Everything is frequency and vibration. Language, words, and even testers said, right? You want to understand the universe? Think in terms of energy, frequency, and vibration.
Yes. So how can you change? And how does someone change that frequency or that energy? By recognizing if they're living in a prison based on linguistic, like what I call prisons, right? You're saying you have 10 of them too, right? Yes, but it gets more complex.
Oh, God. Yeah.
Well, because each one has got a shadow side too. So I'll give you an example.
So someone who thinks they're not good enough, typically that becomes an adaptive way as a coping strategy. So if someone is in an environment where they think they're not good enough, fill in the blank.
Because one of my baseball players, he could go four for five in a baseball game, which is amazing. He got four hits out of five at bats.
But he was still miserable in the locker room. People don't understand why, because as a kid, his dad would always tell him, well, what happened to the fifth at bat? So that's still the continuation of that feeling that he still wasn't enough.
So for most people in the realm of I'm not enough at the deepest level, that will perfectionism people pleasing hard work a type drive you know that people are trying to compensate for so if i'm not something typically the way that the brain reacts to that is i'll try and become something do you see i'm not something because that's something you want that you want to be good so i'm not that you know again people aren't thinking i'm not good they're thinking all sorts of things like why can get a raise? Or why am I not making enough money? Or why can't I attract a good mate? That's all on top of the feeling of inadequacy. So then it's the compensations to become good or better.
The darker side of I'm not good enough is I am bad. And that's typically where people have grown up in a little bit more of a harsh environment where they were dismissed or they were really treated like shit or they were around an alcoholic parent and they were beaten and so sadly although they're not good enough can still be really painful and can lead to sickness and disease and dysfunction and all sorts most people at least are striving to do better somebody who's i'm bad tends to really become the addicts and the the sort of really self-defeating homeless eventually maybe like really destructive behaviors because you're saying i am something derogatory right and so that's where it becomes well fuck it and the woe and then self-fulfilling prophecy of like well who gives a shit anyway and that's where people can sabotage their lives to a really detrimental level.
What's another prism that you have? I'm not loved. A lot of people have that one.
Really? Yeah, a lot of people don't. I'm not lovable? I'm not loved.
It can be either or, you know, words can be very subtle in the way it lands for people, but it's basically the same phenomenon that I'm not accepted for who I am. So what would be the shadow of that? So,, if you will think about it, well, if someone is not loved, right? So wanting to be loved is, you know, a good thing.
But if you're not loved, what would be a darker side of that? I'm not liked, I'm hated, or I'm not lovable. Well, yeah, the darker side could be still as a not, I'm not even wanted.
Oh, I'm not wanted, okay. wanted okay so not loved okay you can stay around as a kid and it's like but you're not getting affection

mom doesn't hold you dad doesn't tell you love you doesn't acknowledge you so that's a horrible

feeling but if a parent says you know you were a mistake which kids have heard you know or they

might even hear the dad over like i had to a friend of mine she's a therapist and these two

kids girls wanted to go through all the transition bullshit, whatever, you know, and wanted to be boys. And she fortunately helped them because they didn't.
What had happened is they'd overheard their dad one day saying to the mom, you know, I really wish I'd had boys. Which was for him a sort of a just, who knows the context of their conversation.
But those girls heard that. The interpretation is we're not wanted for who we are we are but if we become boys we'll be loved if that's how primal it is because if you're not loved you get kicked out of the gang and you don't make it right that's so interesting because especially what's going on with everything now yeah it's madness insane yeah and so these things that's why it's that's why it's super dangerous of what's happening in our world right now, right? Because it could be something as primal as like a comment and so subtle and no one's even thinking about that stuff.
Yeah, but it still comes down to this primal need as a human being to be wanted, to be loved and accepted, to be safe. Is there an age where these things are really kind of implanted so deeply?

Or like, if can you, like, for example, like seven and under is when these things really become super impactful, or? Yeah, I mean, those formative years, because as I said, it gets really subtle. I say these are the constraints with which we arrive, you know, which is just my take.
People could argue the other way around, meaning that this dimension of planet Earth being human is we're here to reconcile and transcend these limitations. So, it's not because mom said or dad said, I would assert those souls wanted to have the experience of whatever that feeling of being dismissed or not wanted is so that they could transcend it.
But most people don't look at life that way, they just try and get rid of the pain. You know, that's why we have pick your poison, right? Like alcohol, food, sex, prescription drugs, street drugs, whatever it is, right? And so actually, for me, the opportunity that it is to be human is go, oh, I'm a boundless, limitless, timeless soul incarnated into this three-dimensional meat suit with a narrative that is based in some sort of limitation.
And the game is, can I break free from that? That's the game. That to to me is the purpose of life is to break free from the limitations with which we arrived so when you had your when so for you for example you're yeah and you had your mom died you had your father uh die at such a young age what was your story was that like i'm alone i'm yes it's all up to me as well similar to the the woman I said from my mastermind in Holland.
I'm alone and also a big story of loss. Anything that's of value to me is gonna leave.
So my very first girlfriend, I was like, I compensated, I was a good guy, but I was the perfect boyfriend. Right, you went overboard.
But as a compensation, yeah, which eventually it's not gonna work, right? She literally said, I feel suffocated by your love. Right.
And I what's the fucking problem there's so much love but then i when i got it which is my awakening to my own behaviors that holy shit like yeah it wasn't it wasn't real it wasn't authentic it was real but it wasn't true you know so then how did you course correct are you in a relation are you like do i saw i could see that mechanism then so once you see again it's a lie so these prisons are. So these prisons are lies.
That's a key part of this conversation. The I'm not enough isn't a truth.
It's a lie. The I'm not loved is a lie.
I'm not safe. They're all lies.
Right. So that's what I'm doing is I'm helping people see that.
That they're lies. Yeah.
My live event last few days ago, this girl was wanting me to help her with her business. So just some random girl, she put her hand up, I said, who wants to chat? So I want you to help me in business.
Okay, what's going on? And it turned out that when she was young, her dad said to her, you're going to turn out to be a loser, just like your mom and your sister, right? And so she'd held on to that. This is very articulate, successful coach.
But I helped to point out that she can't actually help people because she's trying to perfect herself because she thinks she's a loser. But you see, if you hold on to a lie, and then you're just trying to disprove it, all she keeps reinforcing is the lie.
She said in front of everyone who's comical, she said, she just saved me 12 grand. I was about to do this coaching program, which is another attempt to try to finally perfect herself.
So the lies, so now she felt relief. What was so powerful, she came up to me at the end of the, when everyone was breaking chairs and leaving, she came up and said, you're not going to believe this.
Show me her phone. She said, there's a client that I've been trying to get since June of last year.
They texted me literally as you and I stopped talking. Really? Because now she was available.
She was, there's nothing, she's not trying to perfect herself behind closed doors before she thinks she's ready for business. I one of the greatest qualities you can bring in your business is accept because everyone who comes to you has got the feeling of that there's something wrong with them too but you're the the authority here who's desperately trying to perfect yourself exactly you're a disservice to the people and that's why your business is not working she was just blown blown away so that's so you do all these live programs basically yeah live events yeah yeah live events so the mastermind is more it's uh online people from all around the world three-month container the live events are just fun where you know we're going to grow people have asked me now to travel around the world and do them they're just really fun they are i sound i love this could you basically come to one i went to next one uh march 20th and do a lot of like where is it where is it at here yeah we've outgrown the space it's uh i come into la for it and there's um 200 plus people it's a good it's a it's intimate but it's a good size but now you know we're looking at a bigger theater for 2000 because we sell out within 24 hours you do yeah yeah people are flying from all around the world there were people from this time there's someone from austral all from East Coast.
And yeah, it's really flattering. And so, do you spend the entire time, so you give them some theory? Yeah, I talk a little bit about whatever, and then I just say, who wants to chat? So, this time it was a girl who wanted me to improve her business.
There's another woman who's turning 50 in a week who doesn't have a relationship, but she wants love. And part of our story is, you know, she hasn't had many relationships, she's turning 50.
So, I hear all the data I need, right? So, immediately I say, what's the significance of you telling me that you're about to turn 50? But there's a story about that as to why she can't have a relationship. So, we undo all of that.
I want to hear it. Undo it.
I'm curious. I'm sure there are people who are listening who may be turning 50 or 40.
And I feel like relationships a biggie right yeah because i think i think it's harder and harder for people to meet people here yes not here just in life yes and with everything with like social apps social media now ai yeah there's so many people that i think loneliness has become a massive uh i think that's the real pandemic so i'm going to take something you said there because i think it will probably hit a chord with people you said it's getting harder and harder for people to meet people yeah because they haven't met themselves is that that's interesting do you get that i do get that it's harder for people to meet because the more you drift away from your authentic nature the more of a facade you're carrying and the harder it is to sustain and therefore the harder it is to have intimacy into me see. So this is what, and people really want to watch it.
I have a super affordable, my membership program is Freedom. It's 29 bucks a month and all my lives are in there.
You pay more to go to the live than watching them free recorded. So if someone wants to watch that and there's a 90 plus hours of other content on anxiety, relationships, freeing your mind, depression, a wisdom library.

Like, yeah, so all the lives get put in there because not everyone can come.

So, it was a powerful conversation.

But she sat there just beaming in joy because she realized being 50 has got nothing to do with anything.

The fact that she hasn't had many relationships has got nothing to do with anything and that

she stepped into a whole world of possibility where I said, by the time you come here next

month, you could have had probably five suitors come up to you if you want.

So, what was it if it wasn't the 50 and if it wasn't the fact that she hasn't had a

Let's go. lot of possibility where I said, by the time you come here next month, you could have had probably five suitors come up to you if you want.
So, what was it? If it wasn't the 50 and if it wasn't the fact that she hasn't had a lot of relationships, what was the reason why she was saying that in the first place? Because she had, at a young age, learned to self-soothe because her parents weren't available and so she'd become fiercely independent. And what was so funny, and people cracked up because for some reason when I do my lives, I more into the comedian and so she says it's so funny she says I do heart-centered workshops are you serious so I was thinking of this because of course I'm coming from a loving place I'm like I can just see that okay everybody drop into their heart you know and like this is all about love and then I said and then you leave and go back to your hotel room and cry by yourself but this is the that's what she did as a kid so she she's so scared to make herself so vulnerable which again is that's why I get it it's scary I have compassion but that's where people haven't met themselves to love themselves same with the girl who's trying to perfect herself before she thinks she's a good enough coach now I'm like you'll be the best coach in the world if you could just accept yourself and tell people to get over themselves that's all they want well I totally agree but this is why i said it earlier about the psychologist right like yeah i find like a lot of times like people are not comfortable of just being authentic truly the word authentic is thrown around all the time you know like authenticity and all these things it's like great hashtags but the truth is nobody's really comfortable in just being who they are being completely honest you know like just just being different because different is not for whatever reason it's not accepted people think it's not accepted yes but the truth is i think the more different you are the more actually you're actually you're you're you're more likable not less likable because it's a magnet like you think about if you had this really beautiful gala everyone's in their like black tie and it's all fancy schmancy and everyone's sipping on their champagne fruits or whatever.
And you throw in a four-year-old kid who's running around and he's got shit all over his face. Like it's adorable and people are drawn to that because it's freedom.
That's why my product's called Freedom. You know? So for me, you know, if you want to took the world right now of like just insane amounts of mental health issues, the precursor of all of that is the absence of self-love.
Because then I'm in dis-ease with myself.

So then- now of like just insane amounts of mental health issues the the precursor of all of that is that the absence of self-love because then i'm i'm in dis-ease with myself so then that's just going to spill out into the world but i feel like also it's people just besides self-soothing it's just everything is basically a distraction now if people are the mental health as you were just saying anxiety depression suicide all of it is like is becoming worse and worse because social media comparing yourself to some other life that doesn't even actually really even exist no and people are using these all and they're they are getting they're they're becoming it's becoming worse and instead of like and even though going on social media is why they're depressed they're still they can't they can't seem to take themselves off because they need it as a distraction away from their own life so it's fueling all of these mechanisms where fundamentally someone is just simply not at peace with themselves so it's this exogenous form of looking for searching for some reconciliation if i find the right person if i have enough I get my body right, when I start my business, when I get the dream home, forget about it, then I'm going to be awesome. But no, because you're awesome now.
You're awesome now. Everybody is.
Literally everyone right now, I'd say everyone is a masterpiece and a work in progress. At the same time.
Yes. So, can you be completely a piece where you are, no matter the size waste you have or whatever it is you're going through, even as a sickness, with whatever your bank account says, however dysfunctional or great your relationship, can you find peace with what is? That's the only way you can move forward to something that you might have as an aspiration, simply for the pure exploration of what life is.
I mean, I'm going to actually listen to this podcast myself to make sure I understand, so I can like, you know, get like the whole thing. So when you, I just want to go back to you for a second.
So, because when you did that movie Heal, the documentary, so what was that, what were you considered? What kind of expert were you in that? That was the mind architect, but I spoke to, so part of my background is in Ayurveda, which is a healing arm of yoga. So like Chinese medicine, which itself is fascinating.
Fascinating. I use that for, like, I'm still here in a three-dimensional meat suit.
You know, there's still things that I do to take care of myself. Yeah.
Just, but internally, my terrain. A meat suit, did you call it? Yeah.
Three-dimensional meat suit. People become misidentified.
Like they say, I am a certain weight. I am a certain height.
No, you're not. Because you're the you that has been consistent even when you were like three foot as a kid and whatever weight you had or lost, right? If anything can change, then that's not the real you, right? So, that's an access point to realizing, oh, I've become misidentified with form and then even the subtler form, which is the thoughts in your head.
So, that's where I'm helping people to disassociate from, to become free from. Like a radio station in your head, just 24-7, usually nonsense, right? But most people believe it.
And if you can start to create a bit of space from that, like, you know, I forgot who it was, Aristotle or someone said, it's the mark of an intelligent mind that can entertain a thought without believing it, right? So, you can have the thoughts of like, I don't know am i a minute like you know versus just saying like a declaration of fact yeah yeah yeah so that's what i'm helping people understand is the power of the words that become the they create the reality in the confines you live within so then they have to stop acting they have to stop doing certain behaviors and saying certain things to themselves they don, but that would happen. Ideally, it would happen automatically when you realize that what's been driving your behavior isn't a truth, right? So, it's, again, I say I dissolve problems.
Solution-based world that we live in is like, okay, you have anxiety. Well, this is what you have to do, right? You go and see an expert.
Typically, they traffic in the world of behavior, right? Don't do this. Don't do that.
But I don't, I'm not interested. Behavior is a byproduct of your feelings and then your thoughts and then underneath your thoughts, subconscious.
So, changing behavior, it might work for a while, but if you're human, you know how hard that is to freaking sustain. Yeah, because you're being driven by deeper code that has you think the thoughts you have, feel the way you feel, and then make choices to act.
Yeah. So, unless you undo that deeper code, which is what I'm talking about yeah then you're gonna if you have willpower you'll keep up the new behaviors for a while if you don't just say fucking go back to the cigarette and that therapist was a piece of shit anyway you'll come up with a justification 100 and that's why willpower is that never works anyway it's a muscle that will get tired especially as you get older because you're not gonna have the same sort, you know, like, tenacity or cavalier attitude of fuck you, or, you know, eventually your dad's going to die, and now you've got no one else to make wrong.
It's like, until you fall flat on your face again. So, that's why I want to be informed by love and freedom versus, like, love and limitation, fear and limitation.
Do you believe in, like, that, I said earlier, like, hypnosis or breathwork or any type of, like, how about, like, psychedelics to get you into that place in your head? I think they all have a place. And people, whatever journey they're on and wherever they're at and the people they draw into their life, it might be appropriate.
You know, I think things like breathwork, I think psychedelics help because that's going to get deeper, right? Breathwork can be transformative. You can have a powerful moment, you know, especially if you're doing deep helotropic breathing.
It's hard. It is hard, but a lot of people go into the crepitus and they have these epiphanies and that's great.
But oftentimes anything that we're doing is it's too late, right? What I'm interested in just my own modality is revealing these deep subconscious constraints for what they are, which is lies. When you see it for what it is, a lie, then you're never going to be the same person.
As an analogy, right? For 2,000 years, we have said the world is a globe. And I guess still people arguing that it's not, which is fine.
That's a whole different conversation. But let's just go with it.
We're on a sphere, right? But prior to that, prior to Galileo, I think he decided, or he saw that it's a sphere, everyone thought it was flat. So that is the prison, right? The flat, because it's a lie.
But in that prison, it's appropriate for what? The fear of falling off the edge. Do you see that fear is commensurate with the perspective.
So you could say, okay, well, what's your gadget for stopping people falling off? That's a solution, right? If I elon musk back in the day and i had a laser bracelet that would detect how far the horizon was i'd be a multi-billionaire yeah no kidding but it would all be within a lie because now i work with nba guys so whoever like i tell an nba try and fall off the planet like you know they jump high yeah give it four seconds they're right back yeah so so that you start to realize so then when you reveal the lie the previous fear associated with it does this disappears do you see so does that as an analogy help you understand so if someone thinks they're not enough and as a as a byproduct of that they had Hashimoto's which is down the line of them trying to be a perfectionist and working too hard right you know and I could say well you know what you need is some breath work, meditation as a solution, but they're still being driven by the deeper code that they're not enough. Once they see that for what it is, oh, my dad said da-da-da, my sister and my brother was the athlete or whatever the justification was.
So, does that mean like truly you're not enough? No, it's made up. Holy shit, if I'm not enough, what becomes, then I say in the absence of that constraint, literally stepping out of prison how would you feel what become available oh my god i'd that's when the shoulders drop i'd i'd do anything that's a new world there's no then i don't need to tell them what to do they start to look through new eyes which will generate different behavior and so how yeah that makes you see that yeah i do understand it's like going to a different planet like wakanda or whatever it was in black panther yeah you know so you go through a portal in this case the portal is dissolving your constraint you suddenly enter this world of pure love and freedom and possibility you don't know how to navigate it like the girl from holland which is cool she's like i don't even know what to do here i'm like no i know that's what i say to people even in my master, I'm introducing you to a world with which you're not familiar.
But at least you're out of fucking hell. Now we can start to explore who could you be if you're not trying to disprove some feeling of inadequacy? Who could you be if you're not always worried about whether you're going to make it or be safe? Oh, fuck.
I don't know. I'd be so free.
I'd start my business. I'd take better care of myself.
I'd probably sleep like a baby. And there's all these different experiences that now become available in this new dimension.
So in this new dimension, but how many of the people that you work with fall back into old patterns, old routines? For sure. I mean, I don't keep track of the thousands of people, but for people who are committed to my work, most of them for sure are going to have glimpses, myself know, myself included.
I'm at the bow of the boat of this whole work, at least in my way of sharing and teaching it. So, I can still, you know, have, you know, an old feeling of whatever it is, very short-lived now.
But yeah, it takes practice. And also, it takes community.
It takes environment, right? Community is a big one. Because if you're in a world where you're constantly being reminded of everybody's shortcomings, or you even hear your friends complaining about their marriages and their kids or their business, you're in the mire of derogatory negative comments, right? Versus, in part of my freedom membership, there's a community where people support each other with the same kind of conversation.
So that itself can be uplifting.

So yes, you need practice.

You need time.

You need support.

You need reinforcement.

And there's many layers to it.

So even if somebody in my mastermind, like this woman, realizes it's all up to her and now realizes it's not, it's just not up to her.

Right.

Okay, maybe the predominant onus is on her, but as a choice, not like a have to. It's a very different energy.
She gets to be a mom. She loves to be a mom.
Do you see the difference between it's all up to me and I have to do it? That's creating suffering and resistance. So, it's a choice.
And when you introduce choice, you now have freedom. I have a friend, my God, a couple of weeks ago, I was out for dinner and I'm like, I got to go.

I have to put my kids to bed.

And he told me this whole big thing about how he has this spiritual advisor who said to him that he, and then he relates to me. He's like, oh no, Jennifer, you can't say you have to put your kids to bed.
You have to say, I get to put my kids to bed. I get, I'm like, so like this language, I find like it all sounds dandy and fine, but it feels very contrived and weird.
It can do, yes. Right? So I'm like, okay, well, I got to leave because I get to put my children to bed or whatever.
Yeah. It's like a whole different language that you have to learn.
It is. And if it's's done that way where his spiritual counselor is telling him to then it's just another thing for him to do which is only going to create more pressure well if he's living he's embodying it but when he says it to me it feels very like yeah it's instructional so there's a difference between instruction and inspiration you know if he's saying oh we know you have to do you have to say well it's still i have to it's still the same energy and also now all i do is just laugh like mock him yeah i'm like i yeah every time he calls me i'm like oh i get to you know i get to like do the chores i have to do you know i get to i can't wait to do the dishes yeah i get to do the dishes you know like i it's again you want to be careful that it doesn't become too fastidious in terms of we're human, right? We're all doing the best we can.
And that's where I think we can make space for a bit of comedy, a bit of compassion of like, these are good things to understand so that you can have a deeper reference point of like, oh, okay. Yeah.
At times I'm, my kids have been a pain in my ass and I'm just going to put them to timeout or bed. You know, you're human, you're a mom, you're doing the best you can.
But if you can at least revert back to at some point in your evening

or the next day, I go, okay, that was an emotional reaction, totally appropriate as a human. I don't

want to live from there because it's tiring. I also don't want to be that person for my kids.

And maybe there's an opportunity for a conversation where they can garner a bit more responsibility

about the way they behave. You know, you want to just come back to it.
Otherwise,

it's a cumulative over time. I know.
I I guess you don't know me at all. I understand

that. But I laugh about a lot of people who, and maybe that you're going to say because I'm overly

critical, perhaps, but about manifestation. I'm manifesting this.
The spiritual world of woo-woo.

I'm going to woo-woo. Yeah.
And I'm like the anti-woo.

Yes, you're super practical.

I'm super practical.

Yeah, same. I'm a Virgo.

I have a woo-woo. Yeah, like, and I'm like the anti-woo.
Yes, you're super practical. I'm super practical.
Yeah, same. I'm a Virgo.
I'm a Virgo too. Yeah.
When's your birthday? September 10th. September 16th.
Okay. So yeah, I'm a Virgo.
And I like things that are like, you know, practical, right? Like, I'm not gonna like, just think myself into getting what I want, you know? I'm gonna chase what I want. Yes then so then the manifestation people like you don't chase you wait you you hold space then it comes to you but so for me it's always both okay so how does it where does it know either or like the brain thinks in terms of duality good bad right wrong you know and that's why people tend to go well if a relationship doesn't work it's like fuck it you know it's like everything tends to be a bit too reactionary and what about if it could just be both recognize that we're frequency based beings you know and that our energy does have like that girl who's talking to me in a live her phone's off right she turns her phone off at the end sees what time we finish and woo woo you know hey presto abracadabra this fucking client who she's been trying to get for seven months shows up.
There's something in that. Yes.
And I believe in that. Yeah.
So, she now energetically has stepped into a different iteration of herself that isn't in this world of there's something wrong with me and I have to constantly perfect myself. So, the way I would phrase it, she became more available to life, which is where life then met her at a different vibration.
Now, can she just sit around and go, oh, I'm at this new vibration? No, she has to reply to the person and say, great to hear from you. I'd love to work with you.
And then whatever the next steps would be for this new type of person, she also has to be proactive in. Right, right.
So you think it's a combination of both. My friend in college, he had a great expression because I started all of this philosophizing at a very young age.
And he and I would sit under a tree and talk about consciousness. And it was fun as 18, 19-year-old punk kids.
But he would say, you know, believe in Allah, but tie up your camels. Yeah.
That's right. So that to me kind of captures it, right? Like, you know, yeah, whether there's a, whether you call it God or Jesus or Muhammad or whoever or fucking Buddha, that's great.

Have your dogmas.

I'm not going to poo-poo you for it.

And, you know, be as responsible you can be as a co-creator in life.

Yes.

So that's where the woman who's, okay, she's a single mom, but she has community and an

ex and parents, you know, she's not fully alone, but she could also say, okay, maybe

life will bring me some unexpected lover or a friend or a neighbor who loves kids in the next three or four weeks, be open to the miracles too. We tend to default to, it's all up to us.
And for that reason, fuck life and woe is me. It's like, I think we can make room for both.
But like, could you see very much, because I was actually very nervous, but I started this podcast by saying I was a little nervous because before I met you, because I thought you were going to be way more woo-woo. Yeah.
You know? No, no. But you're not so woo-woo.
You're like, you seem to be like very much. Super down to earth.
To me, you know, again, going back to the monikers at the beginning, a spiritual teacher, I'm actually more of a physicist, right? But my physicist lens incorporates code, right? So, I'm more of a tech guy also, but even with your mind, right? Because it's programming. So, that's not woo-woo because if you're living in a world where you think that you're not enough, that's a physical piece of code, you know? So, I could then attribute what people might think is woo-woo as to why do they keep attracting a partner who's emotionally unavailable or maybe even a little abusive.
That's not woo-woo. They just need to move to a better city or something.
Well, no. To me, it's more, no, it makes sense.
Energetically, if the way they view themselves is less than, they're going to attract, woo-woo, people who will mirror that. So, I understand the whole world of vibration and quantum physics and all of that.
But to me, it's very practical. It really is.
It seems like miracles, like that girl got this text or the other things that have transpired with the myriad of people that I've helped. Like, a woman had stage four endometriosis, gone a couple of months after the end of the mastermind.
That's not woo-woo, that's freaking science. But why is that? Because she let go of all the...
In her world, her needs don't matter. Because she grew up as a kid where her needs weren't met, she wasn't given any attention.
Right. So especially as a woman, then her system's shutting down, her needs don't matter, whatever she wants is really irrelevant.
Right, so it manifests physically. And she attracted boyfriends who would never pay her the time of day or were abusive, and eventually it shows up physiologically.
Yeah, the mind and body connection is not so much a connection as it's a continuum. Yeah, it's a continuum, I would agree with that for sure.
Yeah, so if you're living in a state of stress, I mean, you talk to any like real like far like scientist scientist who's like, no, no, unless there's actual evidence and, you know, a documented study, they're still going to say stress is the number one cause of death, right? Or disease. Yeah, stress for sure.
So, what's stress? It's the way you're relating to your environment, which is based on perception. Yeah.
So, if you can change the eyes with which you view the world, then you're going to change your physiological response to it. That's not woo-woo, that's physics.
That's physics. Hold on, I think I have another question.
Just want to make sure before I... Hold on a minute, because I don't want to...
That's where Wayne Dyer had a great quote. He said, you know, when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
I love that. Yeah.
Is it because they change, or is it because I have a new view? It's because you have a new view. Physics talks about the observer effect.
The electron test with the two split tests, whether it's a wave or it's particles. This is all physics.
So if you're the observer in a particular environment, you're going to see the way that you see. And then you're going to therefore impose your particular vantage point on a circumstance while someone else would have seen something completely different.
Yet it's the same environment. Ramana Maharshi, one of the greatest spiritual teachers, or in terms of legacy, he would say people would come to his ashram for satsang, which is where they'd come and listen and ask questions, and he'd sit there and do his best to answer it.
And he said it's like people arrive with a palm full of gunpowder. Some people's gunpowder is completely submerged with water.
And for some other people, it's damp. And for some other people, it's really bone dry.
And he says, I'm saying the same thing to the whole group, but depending on their capacity to hear it will elicit the kind of response they have. The person who's got completely submerged might go, ah, it's kind of interesting.
I didn't get much from it. They did, but they're not aware of it yet.
The person with bone dry gum powder has the biggest epiphany. Same thing, but depending on the readiness of someone's consciousness, you're going to interact with life at that level.
I like that. It's so true.
It is so true. Yeah.
So that's the beauty of like, whether we call it karma or whatever this incarnation is about, that you're going to have to revisit the different arenas of life, those buckets we talked about. Why does a girl continue to attract a guy that's not emotionally available or was a bit abusive? She's the consistent theme.
Maybe, just maybe, you know, she's got some story of like, she's not lovable or she's trash or, and so she keeps attracting guys and circumstances to reflect that until she transcends that she goes to a different timeline because she's now viewing herself differently feeling differently and as a result life will present new circumstances right right right that's physics she changes the pattern herself because she's otherwise living it over and over again until you learn it for yourself yes and then most people most people live the other way around where they think, I want to change my circumstances before I'll change.

Right.

But you follow yourself wherever you go.

Exactly.

Right?

And that's called seeing is believing, which I say is also called waiting.

Seeing is believing.

It's also called waiting.

Yes.

I love your little, like your wordsmithing or your analogies or your word stuff.

You do that all the time, huh? All the time. Because it helps people understand something that's kind of otherwise a little bit over their head like you said you've got to really focus when you're talking to me yeah because normally because it's not what i normally talk about right so and i have to just kind of like pay attention you know i can't just i can't just like interject with something because it's cash this one in and just yeah i cannot cash, I cannot.
I cannot cash this one in. I got to be like...
Well, good. I'm glad that you're on your A game here.
I have to be. I mean, it's a lot.
It's a lot. Yeah.
Because I know you... Like, I'm trying to think of some...
What do people ask you about, like layman's people like me, that... What's the most common question that they would ask you? I mean, they run the gamut, as you said, usually in the arena of relationships, something to do with, you know, I mean, relationships, health and wealth, you know, they're the big buckets, right? They're the real main three.
What's the main, give me one question in each that they ask the most. Health tends to be specific to whatever someone's dealing with, right? So, you know, why have i created or why do i have this particular sickness and so i love to make the correlation for people between dis-ease and disease so disease being the physical manifestation over time of dis-ease which is the absence of ease meaning if my system's not at peace and just again biologically i'm going to be in the sympathetic part of my autonomic nervous system meaning i'm in fight or flight because I'm absence of ease.
Meaning if my system's not at peace, then just again, biologically, I'm gonna be in the sympathetic part of my autonomic nervous system, meaning I'm in fight or flight, because I'm not at ease. When we're at peace, we're in the parasympathetic, which is rest and digest and rejuvenate, right? So that's just physics again.
But if the way I perceive my environment is I'm scared or I'm under stress, then my biology has to follow that. So then dis-ease, absence of ease, so just even understanding that cascade, regardless of what you're dealing with, can help people to be more responsible about, okay, in ways that I don't know how they have to manage it, whether they get out of a narcissistic, horrible relationship, or they leave a toxic job, or they just need to learn to take time and breathe and have a better sleep routine or meditate, just to imbibe ease more in your system and see what your body does.
That's one. Relationships, again, are going to be the reflection of your relationship with yourself.
So if you're in a place where you think you're not safe, then you're always going to see something your partner does as potentially threatening. If you think that you're not enough, you're always going to see something your partner does as a judgment of you.
so it's all a mirror. The whole life and the dimension of time and space and people is all just a mirror.
So again, that's the good news. It's the good news and the bad news, because most people don't want to be that responsible.
Yeah, but I'd rather blame my husband. It's much easier.
Yeah, exactly. Seems that, but in the long term, it's not, because you're actually slowly killing yourself.
That's what I thought was really funny. The Dutch girl, the woman, you know, she said, holy shit, when she realized her mechanism for survival, which is it's all up to me, which is the white knuckling of, I've got to take care of everything.
She said, I realized the way that I'm surviving is actually what's killing me. Right.
Is that always, though, the way it is? Everyone. But it was just beautiful that she could see it unprompted by me.
You know, that's what happens when the lights go on in the back room. You're like shit i've been doing this since i was a kid and so she thinks that she's doing something from a you know a smart place of like well it's all up to me so i'm gonna push through but actually that's a lie and the mechanism she's using is what's actually her her uncoming yeah you know it's funny it's like that's a though, right? Like, right? Because usually your best quality tends to also be your worst quality.
Yes, they're two sides of the same coin. And that's why I said we can't be hard accountable for that which we're oblivious to.
That's where compassion comes in, right? Because people can be very self-righteous when they see what's going on. And that doesn't help.
You know, it's about just being kind and realizing everyone's doing the best they can with the limits of their awareness. But yeah, so then for the wealth, for the other bucket to finish the answer to your question, you know, most people, I'll give one example.
I was talking to someone I met briefly, and she's a single mom too. And she's like trying to, she said, I'm in a great place with my kids and my energy, and I feel really good with my health and her choices around food and da da da.
And she said, now I'm ready to create abundance, which all sounds beautiful, you know, and that fits into the whole world of spirituality. And I said, well, therein lies your problem.
She's like, what do you mean? I said, you don't create abundance. You reveal it.
Abundance is. So what we want to do is actually, instead of trying to create it, we want to dissolve what is your illusion that you can't access it.
Jeez, I mean, I'm telling you, I need a hard drink after I speak to you. I don't even drink.
Does everybody say this to you? Like, who are you friends with? Like, who are your friends? Are your friends like you? Some of them are. Yeah, yeah.
I mean, I don't, I mean, I'm on a show with you. I want to obviously give as much, you know, content that it's valuable to your listeners.
No, I think it's amazing. But I shoot the shit.
I play golf and take a fuck around. You're like a regular, you talk about normal things too.
Of course, of course, but also understand the mechanics of how life works. And so it's amazing but i shoot the shit i play golf and you're like a normal you're like a normal things too of course of course but i also understand the mechanics of how life works and so it's fun because then i get to create and make shit up and and play in the world that is this rich tapestry called you know planet earth but do you have most of your friends like that you hang out with do they think that you're at your level of consciousness maybe not in this regard but they have their own levels of expertise i have friends who are great musicians or great playwrights, and you know, like everyone's got their own different qualities.
Yeah, of course. I'm kind of teasing you, but, you know.
Yeah, I get it, and I appreciate the compliment, but I guess I have a unique ability to understand the power of language and to discern in a very precise way, you know, making things that are otherwise profound palatable for people, or not so palatable. Or not palatable.
So you can't even say create because that means that you're thinking that you don't have the, it's not there in the first place. Correct.
So you're under the illusion that something's missing, right? Isn't it subtle? Yes. It's so subtle, but it's so profound.
Like often people will say, my stuff, good, it's so simple, but it's really not easy exactly well that's the thing like i'm thinking like okay what am i doing to my what am i doing in my life that's holding me back that i'm not even aware of yes yeah right yeah and you will be and that's okay you're human right and like where am i blind like i think that oh i'm so so i think oh my eq so great like oh but i know my blind spots but as i'm talking, I'm like, I bet you there's so many things that I have no idea. I'm a fucking wreck.
I'm a total mess. A total mess.
And I don't even know it. I was feeling great before Peter Crane.
Exactly. I was super confident.
You're awesome. No, I can tell.
And I could guess, you know, you're in the same bucket of a lot of my clientele who are high-end performers, but there's usually just this unnecessary pressure, the world of have to, like your friend will be perhaps not in that arena if I get to. I could see that you would perhaps take that with a pinch of salt.
But the feeling of you have to, that you put a lot of pressure on yourself. And there might be just a little bit more room for Jennifer to have a bit more freedom, a bit more joy, not take life so seriously, you know, and to just have a bit more ease about you and allow life to contribute to you as much as I'm sure you contribute to others.
Yeah, that's actually, I think a lot of people would probably fit into that bucket. I think you're right.
Yeah. I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves.
Yeah. And I'm guessing just because of who you are, the majority of your audience is probably women.
They're probably very small women. They're probably, as you said, high EQ.
They're movements and shakers. They probably have families, but they also have businesses, whether they're really committed or it's a hobby, whatever.
But they're dynamic women, right? Extraordinary women. And typically in that realm, what I see is where there's become a little bit of an exaggeration of the masculine qualities of being a little bit too driven, which can start to infiltrate the relationship.
So maybe they've even attracted a man who perhaps isn't so much of a man, and he's become an extension of their children, you know, in the way that they have to manage or take care of them. So they maybe haven't made room for the softness of the feminine, you know, without getting into goddess language or any of that you're right i've done a thing on first of all just to kind of let you know i have a i have a 50 50 split like a lot of my audience is okay cool um so so that's the first thing but i was going to say i've done other people's podcast not on this podcast so much where i talk about that yeah where i find that a lot of times if you're a strong woman or you're successful it can bleed into being too mad into masculine energy which then is kind of like a turn-off if you're trying to like attract yes a very alpha type of man yeah and so the bat it's a very delicate balance it is it's tough yeah really and i feel for both men and women because men oftentimes the little boy syndrome that's out there you know they're trying to do the best they can to compensate which is really not being a man at all being more of a man is like yeah i struggle in this arena you know and just owning owning it right but i think that a lot of women are single yeah who are very successful yeah because they unfortunately they're either too much in that masculine energy,

but they don't see that.

Right.

And then they have,

they put on this facade like,

Oh,

I don't get,

I don't need a man or I don't want a man.

And that becomes their like playbook.

That becomes their talk.

Right.

But,

and the guy that they actually want,

want a girl who's more feminine.

And so it becomes this very,

very difficult dance that happens. Yeah.
No, I see it. And there's no simple answer, right? It comes back to choice.
For a woman who's driven, who's intelligent, who sees the world of possibility, and this world has become so much more accessible for all of us, right? Whether it's travel or business or startups or investments, you know, it's like it's fun to be able to, but it's how can you maintain that sense of enthusiasm and drive while simultaneously embodying the softness, the approachability and the nurturance of a woman, right? And that's, I'm not saying that's easy, equally for men who can now also be more sensitive. Like I make my own skincare products, like I make a sugar scrub, like I love- Who does? I do.
You do? Yeah. So I, because I like to take care of myself, right? But I'm also like, I like to be a fucking man's man and I want to be with a woman who's not, you know, trying to outperform me or something.
Oh, exactly. You know, it's like- But like, to me, that's like that, I think that's what happens, unfortunately.
Yeah. You know, it becomes competitive.
Yep. And that's again- And not attractive.
Coming from fear. It's coming from fear.
Yeah. And ironically, the means by which we're trying to garner attractivity, you know, becoming attractive to somebody is the obstacle to it, right? So, the woman oftentimes felt the need to become strong because she felt either inadequate or insecure, not safe.
And so, okay, well, if I'm going to make it, I need to make sure I'm financially independent and da-da-da-da- independent and all of these things. Nothing wrong with that method, but it makes you unavailable, right? Because now you've actually strengthened the independence as opposed to creating, you know, some sort of companionship or a partnership.
Totally. And then the boy or the man, you know, who's now trying to disprove he's like weak or trying to become the alpha, trying to become strong, is reinforcing that he's not which is equally unattractive to a woman 100% you know because that's why people who are like for women anyway you need to have a guy who's like super like truly confident yeah who's truly like it's like that they're not that they're not intimidated by you that they're not like they don't feel like you're emasculating them because of your whatever you have.
You know, it's very difficult. It's a very delicate balance.
Yeah, interesting times. And so, again, it comes down to awareness.
It comes down to patience. It comes down to compassion with each other.
Yeah. You know, like, hey, I've got this strong tendency to be driven and independent as a woman.
And I know that's going to be both unattractive to you, but also maybe times challenging but some of the i say there's like a lot of guys who actually like like it and yeah or like rather have a girl who's like that but there is like a body of men who like that's that's what they're not they don't they don't they don't need another dude they don't need to like be dating another dude no right they want to have someone who has a softness. I talk about this all the time with people, all the time.

I know, I've got to wrap this up here.

That's okay.

No, but I think it's where we can have more patience and compassion with ourselves and others.

We're all doing the best we can with the limits of our awareness.

Just to be aware even of your tendencies and share those.

That's a form of intimacy.

Totally.

To be able to say, hey, I have this particular idiosyncrasy. I know that could be a turnoff, but I at least want to be open.
And that softens it immediately once you can talk about it. I think so.
I think once anything is out in the open, you become more vulnerable. That's attractive also, right? Yeah, it really is.
I think so. Oh my God.
Well, Peter, thank you for being here. I know you're moving away.
I won't say where. Is it like a secret? Yes, it like a secret yes it is okay good well i'm not going to say where it is he's going to mars no i'm sorry um so i i really i do i appreciate you coming on this before you uh you leave town when do you leave uh within the next two weeks so pretty soon but i come back and forth i wasn't based here but i i still come in and out of la so i was up in the tahoe region as mentioned so now yeah but i come in and do my live events so if anyone wants to come to one of those they can find that on my website i want to come to one of them i want to see you in action i want to see you do these things yeah yeah it'll help put it into perspective 100 it will i would love because then you experience it vicariously like a number of people who come up to see me often like oh my god i could see myself in all three or four of the people you spoke to and i can see that you're good at it because like you can it comes naturally for you you know like i think it's a gift that you probably obviously you have right like you're you pick up on something and then you just kind of keep on going with it yeah and i'm sure you've done i can imagine you probably really helped a lot of people seems that way it's certainly the people that come up to me or you know stop me on the streets or send messages it's very very flattering and humbling so yeah i'll keep at it yeah please i think you're onto something there i think i think you're removing ending human suffering yeah okay i like that and freedom i love it all yeah where can people find your instagram is the best place to see you yeah on social peter crone and then my website if they want to join freedom or maybe a mastermind

in the future that's just peter crone.com yeah oh thank you peter thank you a pleasure to be with

you fellow vogo oh yes exactly pleasure is all mine thank you bye