Episode 272: Why You Need to Stop Focusing on The Now

Hi guys, it's Tony Robbins.

You're listening to Habits and Hustle, Gresham.

And here we are.

Solo episode.

We're just, I don't know, just shooting the shit over here with Shawnee.

And

on like literally the most mundane, like unimportant shit, my hair.

And if it's darker or lighter than it used to be.

So what do you guys think?

And if, yeah, so what do you think?

And I got a little bit of a trim.

That's basically the big conversation topic.

Are you going to tune out and just move on to the next thing?

No, I'm joking.

Okay, let's move on.

Let's talk about something that I was thinking about last night, which is this idea of what you focus on.

I think this is actually really interesting because I like to focus on things that I think about not how I feel before I do something, but how I will feel after I do something,

right?

So, I don't allow how I feel before

to shape and decide what I'm going to do.

Because a lot of times the things that you are like that you feel bad about later are the things that you were going to, you felt good about before.

And the things that you kind of like feel like you don't want to do actually make you feel better after.

So focus on how you feel after something, not how you feel before something.

Like exercise, right?

No one would ever say they felt worse after working out, but they would say say they felt worse after drinking, you know, a liter of tequila.

But at the time they decided to do it, they were super psyched and excited and happy and they felt really good about it and it was gonna be a good time.

And then they do it and they felt luck like shit after.

So think about those things because if you focus on health versus happiness, you know, health leads you to happiness as opposed to like focusing on being happy, being happy, but not not doing any of the right steps and making the right choices and doing the right decisions to get you to that place.

I love that.

Wait, that's so great.

This idea of, I think, so many people are waiting to feel good before they pursue a lot of these things.

Yeah, they're waiting for them.

Not thinking that pursuing these things will lead you to feeling good.

Right.

That's the whole thing.

Like you switch it, you switch it on its head, right?

We're all waiting for this moment when we feel happy and feel a certain way to then go after something or do something versus what I just said, which is this idea that you focus on being mentally healthy, physically healthy, in relationships that are healthy.

And all of those things will end up morphing into happiness by doing the things that make you happy in all of those pursuits.

So don't focus on how you feel at that moment.

Think about how you feel after that thing.

That's such good motivation.

Well, it's actually a a really good practice for motivation with the gym.

Like sitting there thinking to yourself, okay, I obviously don't want to go.

I don't want to go.

But how am I going to feel?

And like self-talk your way through going to the actual gym.

And the gym is like a very one example.

Just one error.

But I think the gym is a good example because, I mean, at this point, like a lot of times, I don't want to go to the gym.

Like, there's a million things I'd rather do than work out, right?

Because, you know, I'm tired.

I have no energy.

I have a laundry list of things to do.

Laundry being maybe one of them, you know?

And if I focus on all of those things, then it's it doesn't behoove me.

Versus if I focus on how I feel after the fact, like I feel great after I work out that I want to have the energy to actually do all those other things and pursue all those other things.

But it's also, like I said, it's about like pursuing anything.

The effort, the focus is always on the before and never on the after,

right?

Like, like I said, the one-night stand or drinking a, you know, a liter of tequila, all these things that will make you feel like shit.

After I would die with a liter of tequila.

I'm just making that up.

Physically die.

It's well, yeah, well, I don't drink that much.

Like, drinking to me, drinking to me is so gross.

Like, I don't understand how it's such a popular pastime because, in the moment, it's like the only thing that's good about in the moment, but really soon thereafter, it's gross.

You can't sleep well, it's bloating, you feel gross, like you get a headache, you get like, I mean, what is the

attraction so much?

I love the feeling of being drunk, but I literally hate the taste of alcohol so much.

I hate that I love the feeling of being drunk that I refuse to drink it because it's so gross.

See, exactly.

I guess, okay, just answering my own question.

I literally hate the taste of alcohol so much that I have to basically, it's like, it's so hard to even drink a drink for me because the taste is so gross.

But I guess there are people who actually like the taste.

There are.

It's so weird.

I mean, if you like the taste, it makes more sense to me.

Or it's like it's a social lubricant, right?

People rely on alcohol as like a social lubricant, right?

Because it makes everything much easier and it's you lose your inhibitions.

You can talk to the people that you otherwise would feel uncomfortable to talk to.

It will make you feel more comfortable in your skin.

But really soon, that fine line turns really quickly where you become sloppy and you know you're drooling and your mouth is dry.

And it's there's like it doesn't last that long.

Like, the good effect, the happiness part doesn't last that long.

The repercussions are so much worse.

I feel like inhibitions are good, at least for me.

Like, I need some, like, I need something to shut me up just a little bit.

Or you need some boundaries.

Yeah.

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So, Shawnee has no filter and

very little boundary.

I actually have a lot of filter.

I don't say a lot that comes out of my mind.

I just have so much to say.

I honestly probably spew like 2% of what I'm saying.

Really?

Yeah, yeah.

Would you say 2%?

Isn't that shocking considering how much I spew that it's only 2%?

Oh, no.

I know.

I give myself a headache just with my own self-talk.

Oh, my gosh.

That is crazy.

So, yeah.

So, anyway, those are my two cents on what you should be focusing on or like how you should think of what you should focus on.

I like it.

Do you want to add anything?

Well, I had a question for you.

What are some other examples other than working out?

I was trying to think in my head.

I think like having hard conversations is one of them.

No, I think that, no, a couple other things.

I said, like, you know, alcohol and drinking.

Right, right.

You make poor decisions when you're also, I should have forgot about that, but you make poor decisions when you usually have drugs.

Oh, yeah.

How did we not mention that?

That's like the worst part of it.

But then, like, how you feel afterwards.

Like I said, the one-night stand was just one random experience or like or sleeping, whatever, like, hooking hooking up with some, whatever it is.

I don't know what it is, but it's just one way that that can kind of

so.

What are things that make you feel good after?

Those are things that make you feel bad.

Like, what's something that's really hard before, but that makes you feel good?

Kind of like exercise, but it's not good.

I think having difficult conversations with people and procrastinating and putting them off.

And then when you actually do it,

you feel really relieved after.

And usually, things are never as bad as you think it will be.

Like, a lot of times, like, we tend to

overthink something,

something to be so horrible.

Like in our heads, everything seems much more awful, worse, daunting.

And then when it actually happens, it's never as bad as what you thought it was going to be.

That's so true.

Right?

Like it's never as bad, but we tend to like, we, we ruminate.

Rumination is awful.

It's the worst because then you actually suffer twice.

You suffer while you're ruminating the entire time leading up to it.

And then you have to have the conversation, which is also a bit of suffering.

But it also, like, just it sets you up for more of rumination, right?

Because rumination equals more rumination because then you procrastinate, and the fear of doing something just makes you ruminate about it more.

Versus, if you just like do it and get it done and then realize that it wasn't as bad as you actually thought it would be.

So that would be one.

Having difficult conversations.

Procrastinating is a good one because it's, you know, with schoolwork, I always had this, especially with like essays and stuff.

I'd put it off for so long because it felt good not to do it right now.

Or anything hard.

Plenty of wing.

I just think

I think the point that I'm trying to make is doing anything that's difficult will weigh you down at the beginning beforehand and you'll think of all the reasons why not to do something because it's difficult.

It's not easy.

It's hard.

All the other euphemisms.

But once you actually do it, the feeling of accomplishment after

is so much better than the feeling of

that uncomfortable feeling before.

So, if you can just focus on that feeling afterwards, that's how you should make your decision, not around the not wanting or uncomfortable or how you feel prior.

Let's just leave it at that because we're just like talking about the same thing over and over again.

I like it.

I think this is actually really important.

Yeah, and that's it.

Well, should we say goodbye?

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Thank you.

Bye.