Episode 206: Why Motivation Is Useless

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Oh, hi, everybody.

Hello.

Hello.

This is another solo episode brought to you by Habits and Hustle.

And

thank you for joining.

Thank you for listening.

I appreciate it.

This is not really something, it's not my nature to just be blabbing on and on.

So I actually, it is my nature to blab on and on.

It's not my nature to blab on and on on a camera just as a solo episode.

So I'm very happy that I have my foil, Shawnee, to sit with me, give me some encouragement and some just moral support really is what it is.

Thank you.

I appreciate that.

And today we're speaking about motivation.

And the reason why we're speaking about motivation is I am not a big believer.

in the word motivation.

And the reason why I wanted to bring this topic up is because the first question a lot of people always ask is, how do I find motivation?

How do I get motivated?

And I feel like motivation is a really, really not a great thing to rely on to get you to where you want to be.

Because motivation is very much,

it wanes, right?

Some days were motivated.

Some hours were motivated.

Some minutes were motivated.

And they were not.

And so to rely on that, and that also goes with, I have to say, a nice sister or brother to motivation is willpower.

Those are both things that you can only, you have the, you have it sometimes.

And then what happens when you don't have it?

You know, like you need to be able to do something even when you don't want to.

And so with motivation, I'm never motivated actually lately.

I'm never motivated to work out.

Like, I'm never interested in working out because I'm so busy and I can think of a million excuses of why I don't have time and can't do it.

But I don't allow that to happen because

I really have gotten used to the byproduct effect, like my mental cognitive state, my focus.

And it's just part of who I am and what I do.

So if I'm motivated or not, it doesn't really make a difference.

I'm still going to do what I need to do and get the job done.

And

that is why I think that this is a topic that I wonder why everyone just thinks that they have to like what they do all the time in order order to actually do that thing.

I think there's like a misconception because there's all that talk about, oh, your passion, your love, this, that.

And I think people who have a hard time doing things don't realize that a lot of people have a hard time doing things, but they just build the habit

to do it.

No, you do it anyway.

But you have to build that habit.

Like,

of course, first you build the habit, but then you do it anyway, even when you don't want to.

And the thing is, like, you, yeah, you can, you need to have a passion for a hobby.

I mean, fine.

but a lot of times, in order to

have the life that you envision for yourself, and also just

get things done and

self-actualize, there's a lot of like shit

along the way, and that will always be there that is not fun.

And it's not great, but you still do it because it needs to be done, and it's the catalyst for something else to be done, or

it's a building block for something else and it doesn't matter it doesn't matter if it's something that you enjoy if the after effects are something you enjoy and that's how i view it so when motivation is like this like big hashtag you know like motivation motivational monday you know like inspiration this is a problem like Yeah, and then what happens after the hour?

Like when you go to like a Tony Robbins seminar, right?

It's super motivating because you're all like, you get really like riled up for something and everyone's there and like everyone's like yelling and cheering and it's super exciting.

But then what happens when you go home?

And I don't know this, by the way, I don't know the percentage, so don't quote me on this, but I am curious, what is the percentage of the people that what happens when after that,

after the weekend or the seminar, what's the percentage of people who actually maintain and actually

like stay on that path?

Or is it a big percentage of people who like drop off because that motivation isn't there?

I'd love to find out.

Yeah,

I don't know the percentage.

I'm curious because

I find that a lot of these things are super initially

motivating, and then they kind of just like wane unless you have another bigger purpose.

So.

I guess the question really is like,

what is your bigger purpose?

What is your why as why you're doing it I mean that to me is how you

have like how you have like sustainable like real motivation or I don't know if I wouldn't call the I wouldn't use the word but disciplined I wouldn't say even discipline discipline is something totally different and we can talk about discipline I think that the what what keeps you doing stuff even when you don't want to is that you have to have a reason why you're doing it like you have to be you have to have a desire that's so much so so so a part of you that you will do whatever it takes to get there so i'm going to bring it back to an analogy of like fitness and weight loss because that's my background obviously well not obviously but to some some people know that

is no matter how much you you train somebody and you know you you can give people all the tools in the world but that doesn't mean they're actually going to do any of them unless they actually want to do them right like you can you can train them you can cook for them, you can give them all the healthy tips and tricks and da da da da, but at the end of the day, it's you.

You have to actually want it for yourself to actually execute on those things.

So to me, it's like you have to find your, within you, what is like you got to have the desire and the will to actually do what it is you need to do or you want that thing so badly to actually get the results that you want.

But you can't be mad at the results you don't have by the work you did not do.

So you want to put in the work with anything, even when you're not motivated.

Yeah, well, it's like the idea of like success is the ability to delay gratification.

You have to really want that success, no matter how late the gratification is going to come.

Delayed gratification is another one of these like things that I am a big, big believer in.

I talk about delayed gratification in my book, talk about motivation in my book too.

But I feel like

delayed gratification is

kind of like the thing that

is actually not talked about enough,

right?

Because everything requires a

delayed gratification to get to where you need to go.

If you're constantly in the moment, you're looking at what you want now versus what you want

completely, right?

Like,

right?

I mean, that, again, the analogy of fitness and weight loss is huge, right?

Like, yeah, it fits so perfectly for this.

Perfectly, because everything is about delayed gratification.

Like, I say this the whole time.

I love food.

We both love food.

We both love food.

And if I had my drothers, I, I, by the way, I should, I don't know if this is politically incorrect to say now because everything is in the world in this world now, but I really believe I'm like a really fat person living in like a regular sized person's body.

Oh, yes.

Well, I actually, I am a fat kid living in a like normal adult's body, but I am like, I'm round at heart.

I'm like, I'm like very robust at heart.

And

I think, I, I, I like think about food 24 hours a day.

Like if I'm eating breakfast, I think about when I'm eating lunch.

When I'm eating lunch, I'm thinking about when I'm having my snack, when I'm having dinner.

But I, because I know I'm, because I know that this is a truism about me, I've like created these, you know, I've created a system around me where I don't just like gobble everything in sight because left to my own devices, I would do this.

So, that's why it's so important to like know what your triggers are, know what your like, you know, your faults, like your default, I should say, is, and then plan and then reverse engineer so those things don't happen to you.

Because I'm obsessed with food.

Wait, give us examples because that's so like helpful.

What are what are you, what are tips and tricks that you use to not gobble food?

Well, I gobble food.

So, for me,

because a big part of it for me is like about the way I feel, not so much about how I look, but how I feel.

Because again, left to my own devices, I will, I can consume, and anybody who knows me and who's had any meal with me would attest to this a million percent: is that I can consume more food than any human being.

I don't care who you are, I don't care how big you are, how small you are.

I will eat more than you no matter what, unless I have ways to kind of

have a system to create that I don't do it

I just have an I have an exorbitant I have a huge appetite first of all my appetite is through the roof so this is where it becomes here's the here's the so it's the system

I'm leaving this okay I'm gonna tell you the system but here is the rub right where people don't this is what people don't talk about is that the truth is the more you work out the more hungry you get.

Oh, yes.

And cardio makes you starving.

It's a delicate balance, right?

Because if you work

if you work out really intensely, your appetite is even more rapid.

My appetite is even more ravenous.

So what ends up happening, I eat so many more calories and food that I otherwise wouldn't have had if I worked out more

at a normal state.

So the real question becomes, is it better to work out at a much more, you know,

at a lower state of intensity more often so then your food, your your appetite is more balanced or is it better to work out super intensely and then you're just eating like like like an like an animal ferociously so I'm constantly I'm constantly trying to balance these two things out

because of my appetite now because what I was gonna say is so for me because I love food what I've done and part of my system and I actually talk all about this in bigger, better, bolder, is I eat the same breakfast every day.

And the reason why I do that is because I put that meal on autopilot so I don't have to think about it.

Because left to my own devices, I will overeat

and then I will be eating things that are probably not great for me.

And then what would happen is that it like sets my sets the tone for the rest of the day.

And then I'm just like on a downhill spiral versus if I eat a really clean, solid, healthy, satiating breakfast, then I like, it was, it's a win, it's a big win.

And then I'm much more apt to kind of maintain that for the rest of the day going forward.

So just recently, I, and this is true, just recently I tweaked what that breakfast was.

So for the last God knows how many years, I've been eating, I've been eating eggs with a grapefruit every day, which was like a great balance of protein.

And then I had my grapefruit and my coffee.

And then

listen to this I went and got my blood checked and I'm

so confused about I knew you switched it up and then what happened was I've been I became I've I've become allergic right right

to eggs now even though I haven't really felt allergic to it my blood my the blood coming back says I am allergic to it so I think my body built up an intolerance to to the eggs.

I thought you just went back to it when you said that you've been eating the same one because I knew you told me that you switched it when you, yes, I remember having this exact conversation asking about the eggs and the grapefruit.

And then you said you switched it and I was like, oh, are you back to eggs and grapefruit?

So what's the new one?

So now I'm very into this shit, this, this shake, just to kind of get away from the eggs for a while.

So what I'm going to do is I'm going to have like, I'll be able to go back and forth.

So your body can become intolerant to something you eat way too much of.

So, I mean, 25 years of eating the same breakfast, you would think that like, yeah, that's a long time.

Even though, like I said, I didn't feel anything bad from it, which is

interesting, but I thought maybe it had some other effects on other things.

Who knows?

So now I have a shake, which is banana, spinach.

I have chocolate protein powder,

ice,

almond milk, and that is my breakfast.

That's solid.

Super solid.

But I so, but not, you don't want to listen.

I don't love drinking my calories, to be honest.

I like to like, like, chew my food, but at least I really enjoy that.

And so I've been doing that.

So that's one tip.

That's one tip.

Another one is don't put yourself in places that you know you're going to gorge.

I mean, putting me in front of a buffet is like the worst thing you can possibly do.

It will be the worst thing.

You don't want to see it.

I want to see you at a Vegas buffet.

I do not want to see you at the bottom.

So badly do I want to see you at a Vegas buffet.

Me and you, the win.

I mean, I'm telling you, it's a terrible thing.

There's been times when, like, or if there's like something I really love, like I'm obsessed with carrot cake.

And so

instead of just having like a one little piece of carrot cake, if it's in front of me, it's gone.

So there's another thing I don't necessarily think that's always great for everybody.

And that is this idea of like cheat days.

I think cheat days are kind of like really bad for some people.

If you know you have an addiction or you know that like you can't control yourself.

Why would you put yourself in that situation?

Because once those floodgates are open, then it's like you're, it's downhill.

Yeah, I don't do cheat days.

I hate them because they, they make me, I have addictions to like pizza and stuff.

Oh, I love pizza and french fries.

I can't.

It's a horrible, slippery slope.

Oh, it's beyond.

Do you know?

I took my kids to, I took them bowling yesterday.

My little Sydney, she got like a quesadilla and french fries.

And I'm like, this is what happens.

I'm like, oh, those french fries look good.

I'll have one.

And I got that taste in my mouth.

And within 12 seconds, the entire plate of french fries was like inhaled by me.

Like, I think she went to the bathroom.

She comes back to the bathroom.

There was not one French fry left on the plate

because I was like, oh my God, like, I don't even, I like go in it.

It's like an out-of-body experience.

And I literally go

and it's gone.

And so I don't want to even put myself in those situations because it ends up just being really bad.

Okay, well, what did Sidney say?

Was she like, oh, that's okay.

That's okay.

No, she was like, where are all my French fries?

She screamed at me.

And I think not only did she scream at me, I think Dylan tattletailed on me or someone did.

What?

You got ratted out.

I did.

That's brutal.

She, I, I literally, I'm not kidding you within three and a half minutes, those french fries were like basically like inhaled.

And that just is one example.

I can give you a million examples where I leave most dinners, like, you know, if the food, like with my, with my, I gotta wear like elastic pants

or like a big baggy sweater so I can open the first button because I have no ability to kind of control myself.

So I try not to put myself in those situations.

That's a trick.

And, or I eat beforehand so then I'm not starving when I go somewhere.

Smart.

We do that for Shabbat dinners.

My dad always used to tell me that, like, because he always said, don't come to the table hungry, especially if it's like a family dinner because you're trying to have a conversation too.

You know, it's really funny you said that.

I'm miserable because when you came to Shabbat dinner at our house.

When I came to your house for Shabbat dinner, you guys were starving.

Oh my, no.

Well, your aunt, your aunts from Montreal, they made all those chalas.

Yes, yes.

And I was like, oh, I'm going to have a piece.

It was warm, the khala.

I'm like, oh, I'm going to have one little piece of the khala.

I kid you, there was like seven khalas made.

I think I ate six of those seven khalas.

I went kept, I kept on going back.

Yeah, I actually believe that.

Yeah, I remember seeing it.

I literally remember how much of the khala you ate.

No, no.

I love how you say khalas,

khalas, plural.

A million.

That's my problem.

So there you go.

I don't know how we started talking about that.

Why don't we start with this whole thing?

Oh, we're talking about motivation, but then we like, we kind of like took it on a different, we took it down the slippery slope of food since this is what happened.

And by the way, I'm sure I'm not the only one.

I'm sure a lot of us have like, you know,

food issues or

like the inability to get out of our own way, I should say it.

So that is why it's super important to create these

Not roadblocks is the wrong word, but to create these plans and structures around you so that doesn't, so you don't fall.

And you know, that so happens to be one of mine.

I'm sure, you know, you may have another one that maybe that you kind of get in your own way with.

And so it's about being having some sort of self-awareness and insight on who you are, really, like in a real way, not just like bullshit, like, yeah, I'm this way, I'm that way, but really know yourself to a place where you can be honest.

And then you can

create a structure or plans around you so that you don't fall or that so you can kind of be the most productive, best version of yourself and get to where you want to be.

For me, it's really important for me to feel physically strong, helps me feel mentally strong.

It's really important for me to work out regularly because even if I don't like the workout while I'm doing it,

like I said, how I feel afterwards, the sense of focus, cognitive ability, feeling strong, feeling like accomplished that I did it.

To me, those are all much, that to me is the win more than anything.

So I have to put these other places, these other things in place.

So I will do those things.

So eating that breakfast in the morning, that's super solid that I don't think about and makes me feel like, okay, then I'm setting myself off in a great time, in a great way, will just allow me to kind of, you know, continue the day or continue whatever else I need to get done to be the most productive as that I want to be.

I love that.

I always leave a sweater.

I know you never think that I get cold and I generally don't, but in the morning I am always freezing and I find that it's hard for me to wake up and get out of bed because I'm so cold and I rather stay in my bed.

So I always sleep with like a hoodie right next to me so then I can put that on and then I can get out of bed.

And when I don't have a hoodie next to me, I end up like sneezing my alarm and sleep in for like another hour.

So that's like.

been one of my like systems that I've had in place for years.

I have another suggestion for you.

Please take it or leave it.

Turn the heater on.

Turn the heater on.

Like God God forbid with you.

I know you hate the heat.

Or put the alarm away from your bed so it's forcing you to get your ass out of bed.

I've done that.

Do that.

Get back into bed.

I swear to God, I've literally done that and I'll just get back into bed because it's the cold that keeps me in bed.

It's not the tiredness.

Put the freaking heater on.

By the way,

then it's too hot.

Okay, let me do that.

It hurts my throat and then it's awful.

You have no idea how this is a back and forth with the two of us.

I literally am sitting here shivering, literally shivering in my own home because, God forbid, I have the thermostat at a place where it's actually.

She likes it at 75 degrees, you guys.

I would be happy with 72.

75 degrees is her preferred temperature.

So, I think you guys, I think anybody listening to this can understand why I would not appreciate it.

Absolutely not.

75 is crazy.

So, first of all, I sleep in 68 or 69.

I don't, I don't, I don't spend my day.

You sleep in 69.

Yes, because you're supposed to be sleeping at a place that is that's cool.

but no one spends that their day like operating at that temperature it's impossible people do people no they don't really do i don't believe 69 is a super normal temperature to like exist at if you want to freeze your ass off i'm literally sitting here with my teeth literally chattering like i'm like

like freezing okay Freezing.

I think maybe some guys don't feel it.

What?

I don't know what girl likes it that cold.

I don't know one.

Okay,

to be fair.

I did put the heater on at 71.

It's just it's not working for some reason.

My heating heater is like heat.

Yeah, I have all these little like heat things.

Yeah, mini things.

What do you call them?

Like a little,

the little like those little, like those portable heaters, I guess you call them.

Like the Dyson one, which is really good.

But not radiators.

Shoot, what are they?

No, it's a heater.

It's called a heater.

It's a heat lamp.

No, it's a it's called the heater.

It's a heater, but there's a word for it.

Space heater.

No, but I think a space heater is an actual brand name.

Is it?

Yeah.

Like Kleenex.

Yeah.

I don't think, I think space heater is called a space heater.

So they're like mini heaters.

Yeah, they're called heaters.

Portable heaters.

I don't know why she's having a problem with the word heater, but that's so great.

Because a heater is like, you know, the heater in the house.

Then you have a little adorable heater.

Okay.

It's called heat.

How about this?

I'll take any kind of heat.

Literally, as I'm sitting here doing this podcast, I'll take a fire.

I mean, freezing.

Linda.

Is it cool?

By the way, Linda, who works with...

But Linda also said, and I repeat, I am always freezing.

She's wearing a heat.

she's also wearing a sweatshirt and a parka and boots and freezing over there chattering her teeth as well like me what Dylan Dylan what are you feeling right now are you cold Dylan

see Dylan said hot hot hot hot hot sorry what was that Dylan said hot and he's a small person he's a small person

but what you people don't know about Dylan is that he is adverse to like okay but what you don't know about Linda's always cool Dylan wears shorts in the winter okay he does never he doesn't own a pair of pants it's a fight the winter is california it's a la winter this is not like the canadian winter this is by the way true but i will say this it has been unusual

okay it's been unusually cold in california for like three weeks right it's been raining every day

on christmas okay it was not okay it was it was literally 80 degrees

for a day okay listen okay i promise you you can if you are watching this and not listening i promise you okay my hands are icicles my lips are technically right now, they're actually blue.

Okay, but they're always blue.

Her lips are always blue, you guys.

This is not like a, I didn't freeze her.

I just like I put you in the freezer.

No, she rolls her eyes like I'm gonna be ruining her equipment.

God forbid, if it's if it's if it's equipment and also myself, I'm not trying to like overheat while I'm working.

This is like

you have no idea.

She wants to live in 75.

You should get 75.

You shouldn't live in one of those freezing.

75 outside, we come in, we put on the AC to 68.

No one does.

Yes, people do that when it's 75.

Not when it's actually freezing cold.

Okay, listen.

Listen.

Do you live in like a meat locker?

Like,

do you actually live in a meat locker?

Do you have a live?

You live in a butcher's home.

Okay, you would.

Okay, so it's funny because if you think I like to keep things cold, you would die at my dad's room.

It's freezing cold.

How cold?

Literally in the 50s.

I kid you not.

It's legitimate.

And he said he recently he like bumped it up to like early 60s or whatever.

And I'm like, oh, wow, look at you improving.

It's an ice box.

His room is an ice box.

Well, yours is a meat locker.

No, no, his is an actual ice.

No, no, no, no.

His is too.

See, there's the thing.

I have have a limit like i like i i think 68 to 70 is a perfect degree of temperature i know let me let me be very clear to me let me be very clear 68 to 70 is wonderful to sleep in and it's actually like not bad like sometimes yeah but 68 to 70 is great okay but not at night when it's dark and dank and like there's no like dark it's it's dark right now and it's dangerous rain it's been raining dank

meme it feels like very like like moist and humid

did you mean damp

Dank and damp are very similar.

Are they?

Yeah, it's the same thing.

Dank and dank.

I've only ever heard of dank in the like slang way of like, oh, that's so dank.

Like, you know what I mean?

Oh my god, like dank memes, like super cool, like dank, like dope, dank.

I have no idea.

That is so cool.

I'm too old for you.

Okay.

The point is, I don't know what she's talking about.

The point is, the point is, we like 68 to 7.

68 to 70 is 20.

This is so boring for anybody who's listening to it.

This is what they're actually going to love, though.

Oh, I don't know.

I think it's like really good.

We're going to get people who either are really team you on this or really team me and they're going to be like aggressive about about it.

Join the Facebook group to discuss it, please.

Yeah, let us know what temperature you like to

live and migrate in.

That would be amazing.

Getting back to my point of motivation, you know, don't rely on it.

That's it.

Bye.

Join the Facebook group.

Thanks.