Childhood

Childhood

September 28, 2018 28m S1E1 Explicit
Sometimes it's hardest for the people who are closest to see the obvious clues. Melissa Moore reckons with the reality of her childhood and growing up with a serial killer for a dad.

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I feel so alone. I'm embarrassed to talk about it.
How can I help my kid if I can't help myself? I can't remember when I wasn't stressed. I don't want to go inside.
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Let's start from the beginning. I was a young girl.
I was 11 years old and my parents had just divorced and my dad was now living with his girlfriend in Portland, Oregon. And this was my first summer vacation where I stayed at a different home than my childhood home.

And the moment I walked in that house, I felt like I wasn't alone,

that there was energy there, that there were spirits there,

that I was being watched in every room, in every room.

He had purchased bunk beds for my sister and I, and my sister picked the bottom bunk, and I picked the top bunk. And it was my first night in this new house.
I fall asleep a little bit, but then I'm awakened by being touched. And then my hair is touched.
It's not a heavy touch, it's a light touch. So I leap and go down the little stairs of the bunk bed, and I rush over, and I'm going to go run into my dad's room, but I froze.
I felt that whatever was touching me was over there too. I wasn't going to be safe in my dad's room, and I didn't feel safe with my dad.
And so I laid in the hallway floor with a light on, curled up in a ball, hoping that the night would just go away fast. And in the morning, my dad stepped over me, and he said, why did you fall asleep in the hallway? And I said, I was being touched, Dad.
Something was touching me. And he said, oh, don't pay any attention to them.
They bother me all the time at night.

Don't pay them any mind.

Melissa, who is your dad, and what is he known as?

My father is Keith Hunter Jesperson.

He's known as the Happy Face serial killer. My girl, my girl, don't lie to me.
Tell me where did you sleep last night? In the pines, in the pines, where the sun don't ever shine. I will shiver the whole night through.
My name is Lauren Bright Pacheco.

I'm a television producer,

and I've worked with Melissa Jesperson Moore for about four years.

We work on crime stories together, and we travel a lot,

and during our downtime, we've had the chance to really get to know one another,

and she shared a lot with me about her past, especially her childhood. My childhood home was amazing.
My parents had three children together. I'm the oldest.
A year later, my brother was born. and then two years after my brother and my sister,

Carrie, was born. And my mom was a stay-at-home mom, and my father was a long-haul truck driver.
I felt loved. I felt provided for.
I felt adored. But I actually felt like I was a superstar.
Melissa, how big are you?

This big?

Yeah, it, real big. Can you dance? Can you dance, Melissa? You dance? Yes, you're a good dancer.
We lived in the country, and when I would hear the semi-truck pull up and you could hear the wheels on the gravel and you just knew, you could easily recognize that sound. The window panes would actually shake because of the size and the rumble of his engine.
So we would just bolt, my brother and my sister and I would actually race to get to my dad to see who could get into his pockets first because in his pockets were tons of change and tokens and things from his trips. And so it was like a competition who could get dad's change.
And that was our first encounter with him. And he'd pick us up and he would throw us in the air and play with us and be excited to see us.
He would be just as excited to see us as we were excited to see him. Everybody thinks their, you know, their dad is the center of the universe, but your dad, how did you feel being placed up on his shoulders? I love the view that I could see so much more, and I felt that I was absolutely safe,

and that anything was possible, and that I could do whatever I wanted to do,

and that I was safe in the arms with my dad.

He was 6'6", and close to 300 pounds.

His size was something, the first thing you notice,

how you feel so small in comparison.

Keith was this huge, giant man, even to adults.

So for a child, he must have seemed even that much more enormous.

And when Melissa talks about him, she has this reverence,

this almost mythological lens

that she views him through.

I felt like my dad was a superhero because he was so large

and he could actually eclipse the sun with his head.

Like, just his body, like, the sun would just, like,

beam behind him and he could just eclipse the sun. Phil Stanford, The Oregonian, May 22, 1994.
The letter, unsigned and written on pale blue paper, has a happy face at the top of the first page. Two tiny circles for eyes, an upturned sliver of a moon for mouth.
Have a nice day. All five of five, it says next to the cartoon face.
However, the letter is six pages long, so what does that mean? Five what? Five murders, that's what. I feel so alone.

I'm embarrassed to talk about it.

How can I help my kid if I can't help myself?

I can't remember when I wasn't stressed.

I don't want to do it but inside.

When you feel overwhelmed by your thoughts and emotions, it's okay to get help.

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You can check out the details at kesimpta.com. Melissa agreed to go on the road with me and our producer, Noel, and revisit the places from her past that have incredible significance, both good and bad, to her today.
And one of those places was Spokane, Washington, where she moved with her mother and siblings after her parents' divorce. I haven't been to Spokane for a long time, but whenever I come back here, I think about the first time I came here back in 1990.
My dad was home for the weekend, and we had a great weekend. We were really close.
And it was like a normal weekend.

And then it was time for my mom to drop off my dad at the truck station.

And on the way to the truck station, to his offices, there was just this tension in the air.

And there was something, obviously, going on on between my parents my mom and my dad when we arrived at my dad's work he got out of the car and acted like he was never going to see us again. He hugged us super tight, said how much he loves us, and was just gripping us like it was his last time ever holding us.
When I saw him walk away and go to his job, my brother and sister and I got back in the car and my mom was silent.

Until we were about a block away from the house, she said,

When we go into the house, I need you to pick one thing, your favorite thing.

We drove there because we were going to meet her mom, Rose, who we met at work.

I'm going to meet her mom, Rose, who we met at work. I'm excited to see her.
Yeah, I'm glad that you're going to meet her. She's a caseworker at First Salvation Army, where she helps families who are on the streets transition to having a life off the streets.
And so these are children that have lived in cars, these are children that have nothing very similar to what I had and what she had. I wonder if she has a picture of me in her office.
I think she might be coming out. They hadn't seen each other in a few years but you could definitely hear the warmth and the pride and the love in Melissa's voice when she described her to us.
You know what? You'll find that about my mom is she's a very nurturing, soft person that you could tell anything to. She's so nonjudgmental.
Hey! Hey, skinny. Oh, my gosh, you're getting smaller.
My office is over here.

Meeting Melissa's mom in person, I was really taken aback by the fact that they don't look alike.

Melissa's always told me that she looks just like her father, and I never saw it until I met her mom.

Oh, look at that, there's a picture of me.

She absolutely looks like her father. When I was flying down here, I was thinking about what your experience must have been like.
Because when we came here, it was after you and Dad separated. I remember just, you know, leaving and coming here without planning.
That's what felt like. It wasn't planned.
You're correct, it wasn't. What happened? Well, it was our 13th wedding anniversary, and I was expecting a bouquet of flowers, and he said, you know, I think we should just get a divorce.
He said, would you mind just leaving? And were you happy at any point with him?

I think at the very beginning we had a lot of fun.

We would take a month off, and we'd travel down I-5 all the way down to California along the beaches.

I didn't know that.

Oh, yeah.

We'd take a month off, go to Lake Powell.

We'd go to Canada.

Oh, he had a Golden Wing motorcycle, and we went all through Canada,

traveling through Lethbridge and Alberta. So he was a good provider.
He really was. And you probably felt really financially safe.
I felt safe. And then I had you, and then things changed.
I would like to tell my story, the writer of the letter begins.

The exclamation point is all his.

So is the labored printing and the odd mixture of capital and lowercase letters.

On or about January 20th, 1990, I picked up Sonia Bennett and I took her home. I raped her and beat her real bad.
Then I ended her life by pushing my fist into her throat. When my dad would show up into town, he didn't get a hotel.

He would stay at our home, my mom's home.

And even when she was with her new boyfriend, who became her husband,

my dad would stay in the house with him in the house as well.

The reward of him coming was he's filling the pantry.

He's helping her.

She was a single mom. She was a sole provider for months on end.
And here he comes into town. She's going to take any reprieve she can get, you know.
This area right here is where when my dad would come to visit, we'd drive past this here but this used to be all open fields like this and at the end here was as a safe way where we would go and get groceries so my when my dad would come into town he would actually take us three kids to this grocery store and just let us pick anything we wanted and And one thing that he constantly picked was just like,

he would get these huge five gallon tubs of ice cream.

And then he would get these,

uh, he would get like a couple packages of bacon.

He would make not like one package of bacon at a time.

He would make like five packages of bacon at a time.

So when he came, he was a source of all

i had a girl that i used to hang out with tamra and she lived right here in this house. And what happened was she lost her jacket and she accused me of stealing her jacket.
And you know, in the Jesperson household, we don't steal. Like that is like something is the code of honor.
You don't steal. And so I told my dad that her parents think I'm a thief and that I stole her coat.

So he walked over there and confronted her parents.

And I was so nervous because he was so aggressive.

I was just terrified of what he was going to do to her parents.

And he explained how I didn't steal that jacket.

And he pretty much, I don't know, remember exactly what he said, but he really terrified her parents. So much so that she never came back to my house.
But there's something about the letter that holds you, that makes you keep reading. Maybe it's the urgency of the prose itself.
Maybe, although you might not want to admit it, it's the lurid details spilling off the pages like cold sewage. Maybe the writer, whoever he is, is making it all up.
But if so, you have to wonder what kind of person would even be able to write something like this. This turned me on.
I got high. Then the panic set in.
Where to put the body? First, he says, he drove to the Sandy River and threw Tonya Bennett's purse and Walkman into the water. Then he drove back home and dragged the body out to his car.
I want the world to know that it was my crime, so I tied a one-half-inch soft white rope around her neck. I drove her to a switchback on the scenic road about one and one-half miles east of Lateral Falls.
I dragged her downhill. Her pants were around her knees because I had cut her buttons off.
You know, Happy Face is on one side of the coin. he's a loving family man, and he's a good friend, and he's a good provider.
He's everything that, you know, as a child you want for a dad. And then on the other side of the coin, he is everything that scares you.

Everything that could hurt you. He goes from protector to predator.
And wrapping my mind around it is impossible. I feel so alone.
I'm embarrassed to talk about it. How can I help my kid if I can't help myself? I can't remember when I wasn't stressed.
I don't want to be stressed by inside. When you feel overwhelmed by your thoughts and emotions, it's okay to get help.
You are not alone. CalHOPE is here for you with free, safe, and confidential mental health resources for youth, young adults, families, and you.
Find support now at calhope.org. Jonas Brothers fans, the moment we've all been waiting for is here.
The Living the Dream Tour is officially happening, celebrating 20 years of incredible music, memories, and the journey we've been on together from the very beginning. From performing in malls to headlining the biggest stadiums and arenas across North America, this tour is a full circle moment.
And it's not just a Jonas Brothers show. Each night, we'll take fans through every chapter of their career, including Nick Jonas and the administration, Nick's solo hits, Joe's solo work, and DNCE.

And of course, an unforgettable headlining performance from the Jonas Brothers themselves.

Plus, for 10 epic stadium shows, Marshmallow is bringing the party,

performing his chart-topping hits, including his iconic collabs with the brothers,

making each night even bigger and better.

This is the ultimate Jonas Brothers experience, filled with surprises, nostalgia, and nonstop energy.

And you do not want to miss it.

Tickets drop this Friday, March 28th at LiveNation.com.

Get your Jonas tickets and get ready to live the dream.

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frictionless paying favorite shopping destinations.

Thank you for shopping.

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Restrictions apply. Hey all, I'm Jamie Lynn Sigler, a mom, actor, and advocate.
I know how overwhelming it can be trying to decide which treatment is right for you. I've been there.
But you should know you're not alone. You can do this.
Start with some research, talk to the community, and most importantly, don't be afraid to ask your doctor questions.

You might find results that speak for themselves.

That's how I landed on Kesimpta.

Ask your doctor if Kesimpta, ofatumumab, could be first grade. Things started to change in the household.
My mom seemed more withdrawn. And I imagine her being isolated in a house with three young children must have been difficult for her and my father being gone.
But when he would come home, there seemed to be a distance between my mom and my dad physically as well. I didn't witness them hugging or being affectionate with one another.
I actually don't even recall kissing. I can't even remember if they even kissed each other when they greeted each other.
Now looking back, I see the dynamic between my parents and recalling how critical and degrading he was to my mother. He would put her down for driving.
He embarrassed her. He told her all the time about what a horrible housekeeper she was.
He complained about her food. He complained about her weight.
Everything my

mother did was wrong.

I was never thin enough or I was too fat, you know, would bring up that he constantly felt sexually rejected, and he would say that my mom would tell him to go put it in a keyhole. So what was your father thinking, talking about his sex life with his child? My father's sex life was always a part of the conversation.
I heard it with his friends. I heard it in the flirtation and the sexual harassment of waitresses.
I heard it having to hear him tell me these details about their sex life. I never asked my father.
It was just part of the conversation constantly. I knew that my father was a very sexual man from a young age.
I recall finding hustlers and playboys all around, like all around the house. And when I would go to the truck stops, I would see his offices were lit, like just covered in nude calendars.
So nude women and pornography was always a part of my childhood. My girl, my girl, don't lie to me

When Bennett's body was found, actually about a mile west of Lateral Falls and a mile and a half east of the Vista House, there was a rope around her neck. Tell me where did you sleep last night?

In addition, as the police reports indicate, the button fly of Bennett's jeans had been cut away. In the pines, in the pines, Where the sun

Don't ever shine the pines where the sun

don't ever shine The letter continues. She was my first and I thought I would not do it again but I was wrong.
It was clear that Keith had no filter for what was appropriate to say or do in front of his kids. And many of his other impulses were even darker.
And he acted upon them. I remember there was a weekend that my dad was back home from one of his long hauls, and there was a barrel, a rusty barrel that he was burning shrubbery and old debris from the yard, and he was cleaning the yard.
And we had this barn, and behind the barn, I saw my brother, and he had a black cat. And I remember how dark the cat's fur was because it was so shiny.
It looked silvery, like almost like glass from the sun hitting the cat's back, hitting the fur. And so I saw my brother just petting this black cat and how slick and pretty the cat looked.
And I wanted to touch this cat too. I wanted to pet.
And so I went up to my brother and I sat next to him behind the barn and I started petting the cat with him. And quickly, I noticed that my dad

had witnessed me petting the cat with my brother. And at this point, the cat is still in my

brother's lap. And then my dad approaches us.
He walks up to us, and he says, what do you have there? I remember my dad sitting down at the other side of Jason and taking the cat in his lap, and he started petting the cat. And both my brother and I were tense.
We could feel like something's wrong because we knew my dad hated cats, absolutely hated them. So for my dad to be sitting next to my brother petting this cat was odd, that he would be lovingly petting a cat.
And quickly, he was, I remember his big hand just like engulfing the whole cat. and then all of a sudden, with one hand, he pinned the head down and grabbed it with the other hand, and he just started squeezing the cat's neck.
And then the cat started to, like, screech and to scream and started clawing for its life on my dad's forearms and and just was clawing, and my brother and I were screaming, and we're like, stop it, Dad, stop it, Dad. Like, why are you doing this, Dad? Why are you doing this? And just screaming at him to try to, like, stop it.
Like, it just, it made me so nauseous. Like, it just made me...
How old would you and Jason have been? We were young. My brother and I were young.
We were six, seven years old. I don't recall telling my mom.
I don't recall telling anybody.

And the reason why is it's just like when it came to my father,

there was just this thing that people said in the family. They would say, oh, that's just Keith.
That's just how Keith is. he's tried to avoid for years.
As well as an order under a plea of no contest to the aggravated murder count. After prosecutors read off the charges and with the victim's family looking on, Jesperson gave grisly details of how in 1990 he killed 23-year-old Tanya Bennett in his apartment.
I forced my fist into her throat and later grabbed the rope and tied it around her neck securely and she was dead. You know, I slept in the hallway that one night.

The second night I slept in the hallway that one night. The second night, I slept on the couch and kept the TV on so I'd have light.
And as I laid on the couch, I looked at the ceiling, and I saw markings on the ceiling of some kind of splatter. And then, as I was laying there, the cabinet doors in the kitchen were opening and closing.
And I remember touching my eyes and rubbing my eyes, thinking I must be seeing things. But I would hear it too.
They would open and they would close. Jesperson says he left the body in the Columbia Gorge, then cleaned up his house.
Washed the carpet. I washed the blood off the walls, what I could, and eventually painted the walls of the house I was in.
And I tried to forget about it. I would later discover that in that very room where I was laying down was where he, heanya Bennett in the most gruesome and brutal way possible.
And that now I look back and think, was that blood that I saw? And I believe it was. My girl, my girl Don't lie to me Tell me where did you sleep last night Happy Face is a production of HowStuffWorks.
Executive producers are Melissa Moore, Lauren Bright-Pacheco, Mangesha Ticketer, and Will Pearson.

Supervising producer is Noel Brown.

Music by Claire Campbell, Paige Campbell, and Hope for a Golden Summer.

Story editor is Matt Riddle.

Audio editing by Chandler Mays and Noel Brown.

Assistant editor is Taylor Chicoin.

Special thanks to Phil Stanford, the publishers of the Oregonian newspaper, and KATU News in Portland, Oregon. I'm going where the cold wind blows.
I feel so alone. I'm embarrassed to talk about it.
How can I help my kid if I can't help myself? I can't remember when I wasn't stressed. I don't want you to put inside.
When you feel overwhelmed by your thoughts and emotions, it's okay to get help. You are not alone.
Cal Hope is here for you with free, safe, and confidential mental health resources for youth, young adults, families, and you. Find support now at calhope.org.
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