Jim Cornette Experience Special - The Worst Of WWE, Volume 1

You're juggling a lot.

Full-time job, side hustle, maybe a family, and now you're thinking about grad school?

That's not crazy.

That's ambitious.

At American Public University, we respect the hustle and we're built for it.

Our flexible online master's programs are made for real life because big dreams deserve a real path.

At APU, the bigger your ambition, the better we fit.

Learn more about our 40-plus career-relevant master's degrees and certificates at apu.apus.edu.

Suffs, the new musical has made Tony award-winning history on Broadway.

We demand to be home.

Winner, best score.

We demand to be seen.

Winner, best book.

We demand to be quality.

It's a theatrical masterpiece that's thrilling, inspiring, dazzlingly entertaining, and unquestionably the most emotionally stirring musical this season.

Suffs, playing the Orpheum Theater, October 22nd through November 9th.

Tickets at BroadwaySF.com.

Football season is here, and now you can legally bet on football in all 50 states with CalSHI, the nation's largest legal prediction market.

Every game, every prop, every parlay, Calci has it.

And it doesn't stop at sports.

You can trade on elections, the Oscars, and more.

You can finally bet on football in all 50 states.

Download Calci today at kalshi.com.

Use code RADIO for $20 when you trade 100.

Calci, get in on the action.

This is an investment that carries risk.

Calci.com.

A happy place comes in many colors.

Whatever your color, bring happiness home with CertaPro Painters.

Get started today at Certapro.com.

Each Certapro Painters business is independently owned and operated.

Contractor license and registration information is available at Certapro.com.

Like a midnight tender, rock and roll.

He's in a fight for wrestling soul.

Using a racket and some mind control.

He's Jim Cornish.

Cornette.

The keys to the future, held by the past.

And with Tag T partner Barion Last, he sends this message out by podcast.

He Jim Cornet!

Well, he's never fake a phony.

He never backs down from a fight.

He never wins the pony.

Cause his mama raised him right.

It's time

to prepare

your mind

to get the experience.

Get the experience.

Get the experience of Jim Carmen.

Hello again, friends.

And you are our friends, the great Brian Last here.

You there.

We are back on the bus.

A very special omnibus here.

The worst of WWE,

Volume 1.

A bunch of matches and concepts and

yeah, a whole bunch of that and much more with this man, the leader of the cult of Cornette, Mr.

Jim Cornet.

The best laid plans of mice and men, Brian Last, often go awry.

And in this episode, you know, we've done AEW volume one, worst of, and many people are expecting a mini-series out of that, but we got to be, we got to give equal time to the, to the rottenality

and the awfulness and the horribleness and awfulness of it that will never be forgotten on the WWE side.

A lot of this, by the way,

came before the downfall of the

former emperor of the company, Vince McMahon.

The emperor has no clothes.

When his egg hatched and found out that he was chicken fucked,

Much of this

predates the downfall, but they still, but nevertheless, we're giving equal time to the folks over in Stanford that have brought us so many rotten things that we could talk about.

That's right.

And again, we're going to go back several years on the experience in the drive-thru to go through these clips.

Check them out.

Let's get to it right now.

The worst of WWE, Volume 1.

I want to know who had the autonomy to do the hell in a sell thing because I finally watched that.

I watched part of it.

You know, we heard from so many listeners upset that you didn't review it on the drive-thru.

I couldn't believe how many people wanted to hear you talk about this.

Well, you're going to hear it now.

And here are my hell in a sell thoughts.

As we used to say down south, boy, that right there is a blue ribbon prize-winning pig.

Holy fuck.

That was the ugliest fucking thing I have ever seen in my

number one.

I couldn't watch at all because I started trying to watch the match from the beginning but the red light

and not only the red light but the shots through the cage with the red light I had I was getting a headache within two minutes

so everybody thought the finish sucked so I'll just skip ahead to the finish

Well, but I skip it because it's supposedly this whole presentation, as they say, is 20-something minutes long.

I go to about 15 minutes in and the fucking guy's already laying there.

Bray Wyatt, the fiend, is already laying there.

And he's got a ladder on him.

And then

here's Seth Rollins hits the fucking,

he proceeds to hit the ladder with a chair and then he puts a chair on and then he hits it with a toolbox and he just keeps smacking and bashing this fucking dead body underneath all this shit.

In this red light, giving me a fucking headache.

And then he's looking conflicted and walking around like, because you can tell tell the writers have had a part in this where they've said now show this emotion and now show that emotion even though the emotion that everybody else was showing was boo fuck you this shit sucks the whole place was booing him out of the building

because it was a shitty thing to look at and it was preposterous that it couldn't possibly fucking happen

and the guy's not even bleeding underneath all this shit when his head should have been squished like a fucking bug

and

then he gets out and gets the sledgehammer.

And then he sledgehammers the fucking chair on top of the ladder, on top of the toolbox, and a blah, blah, blah.

And apparently, that's just too much for the fucking referee.

Now, the goddamn metal folding chair swung at full momentum onto the metal ladder onto the guy's face, that was permissible within the rules of wrestling.

And when you took the toolbox and just wore that motherfucker out with it, just hitting metal over the top of his skull repeatedly like a fucking madman.

That was sportsmanlike.

But then suddenly, you fucking idiots, whoever fucked this whole goddamn thing up and killed Seth Rollins in the process,

possibly the best all-around talent they've got on the roster today, and

the people are booing him out of the building because of the stupid shit.

that he's being told to do.

That was too much.

And the referee says, fuck it.

And then they just try to carry this fucking guy out.

And here's the thing.

If they were going to fuck the people on that finish,

the people would have been soundly fucked.

But at least maybe they would have had the feeling that, well,

it wasn't the worst fuck I ever had.

I mean, I didn't really like it, but it wasn't that bad.

My asshole's not bleeding.

And then they proceeded to turn around and make their asshole bleed because the match got stopped because the guy had been pummeled with a sledgehammer and could not continue.

And then when they're trying to load him up on the stretcher, he comes off the stretcher and mandible claws Seth Rollins and beats piss out of him.

So there was no reason to stop it because the indestructible supernatural creature

was doing okay for himself.

What the fuck.

I don't know who had anything to do with that.

And I don't ever want to know if it's anybody I like because that's the most miserable piece of shit.

And there was no way to sell that where that could possibly have been good, where anybody could go, oh, okay, and then they just did it wrong.

No, it just fucking sucked.

Did you hear all the chanting?

Well, yes, besides all the booing and chanting at Refund and AEW and fuck you and fuck this and fuck that and fuck everything.

Now, you're the creator of Hell in a Cell, correct?

I did not name it,

and I did not come up with any of the individual concepts on my own.

What I did was put them all together in that same place

for the Bad Blood pay-per-view, which I believe was the first one.

Or no, it was a Hell of a Cell for Taker and fucking

Mick.

I'm sorry, in 96, King of the Ring, whatever the fuck.

Point is.

Sean was the first one, I think.

Taker and no,

because Taker and Sean was at bad blood.

That was 97.

Wasn't King of the Ring?

Whichever the first one was.

You've got the cage that they had in Memphis that went not only around the ring, but around Ringside.

That's when Tommy Rich came out from under the ring and they shaved Lawler's head.

That's so guys could fight outside the ring.

You had a top on it.

That's like, you're right, Taker and Sean Michaels because Kane ripped the fucking cage door off.

You have the fucking top on it, like War Games.

That's where I stole that from.

You have Kane rip the cage off and interfere in Taker and Michaels, like that Doug Furness did in Knoxville, Christmas night of whatever, 1988, when they debuted him as the world's strongest man.

I just took all that shit and put it all together in the same place.

But yes.

And I'm offended.

I'm offended by what they've done to my baby.

No, that was just fucking rotten.

Now they incorporate the Ole Anderson move where you can lift the cage up with a remote control.

Oh, I know.

And

it's such an inescapable, foreboding structure that they flipped a fucking switch and it was up in the air in 15 seconds.

It's just, what the fuck?

No, somebody should be fucking taken out and hung in the parking lot over that one.

Yes, most definitely.

The Edge versus Orton package

told the story well, but the story still doesn't make any sense to me.

He loves him.

He loves him.

He just wants to kill him.

He wants to kill him because he loves him.

I felt bad for Edge.

I've always liked Edge.

I think he's a great talent.

His first match back had to be in.

He should have got the fucking standing ovation

in the stadium.

And instead, it's got to be in this was one,

besides the fact what they did to cover up for the fact they didn't just want to have another match,

this was one that needed the people because

this was

two main event guys, one making his return after almost 10 years or whatever the fuck.

It needed the feedback of the people.

They needed to have a match in the ring.

to play to their strengths.

They both can work their asses off.

Edge looked like he was in great fucking shape.

They needed to be in the ring in front of people, and they could have fucking torn the house down.

But this was just fucking rotten.

And

I mean, you know, okay, the RKO out of nowhere in the black, you know, outfit and finding he was masquerading as a cameraman.

Even if they'd have stayed in the fucking ring and done 15 minutes of something, it would have been better

than obviously what they did.

I mean, all of the stuff looked good.

They were laying shit in, but the pace, it took forever.

He beat on edge forever.

The referee counting to 10 took forever.

They stayed in the gym forever because they never used the fucking ring past the first two RKOs, did they?

And they left and never to return.

That's right.

The brawl in a cool location gets old quick and under certain circumstances, quicker than others.

I've done these before many times over 30

years you need constant action

you need the chaos of people either trying to stop it or standing around cheering it on

you need uh

to make the point with mayhem and get the out

it needs to be an angle that makes people want to see a fucking showdown match, not the, it doesn't, it's not supposed to

be what the showdown match consists of.

They go all around the fucking building where they do the, the, the old, this, I hated this about Japan when they got bad on this after a while, when Brody got over so fucking strong and everybody had to brawl in a crowd.

They just grab each other by the fucking collar or by the hair and they'll just walk to where the next place they need to go.

staggering and every once in a while swinging at each other.

The fighting while going where you need to is what we'll call it.

That gets old.

A little bit of everything they did works.

But what, did this thing last 40 fucking minutes

or thereabouts?

It felt like 40 fucking years.

Well, yes.

This was excruciating.

And, you know, I'm, and, you know, also, obviously, tell me what you thought.

I thought it was pretty bad taste doing the spot where Randy Orton was trying to hang edge with the weightlifting equipment, considering the Ben Wash.

Oh, goddamn out of everyone's mind.

I didn't even think about that until right now.

There's an extra element of golly there.

It just, they worked their asses off and they beat shit out of each other, but this just dragged on and on.

It was twice as long as it needed to be.

You know, it got too

just unbelievable and uncredible for all the places they were going.

Why do they need a table that big in the conference room at the performance center?

In OVW, we had the guy sitting cross-legged on the floor.

But they went in offices and storage rooms and the warehouse.

The announcers are doing the fucking master's golf announcing.

They're not even freaking out.

This is supposedly happening.

Nobody's calling the cops.

It's just accepted

that this is taking place.

The last man standing match that did two moves in the ring.

And for 30 minutes or more,

they're hitting each other with everything in the fucking building.

It's not tied down.

They've crossed the line, as I mentioned on Dark Side of the Ring, into felonious assault, but yet the referee's just right there to give slow 10 counts, and nobody's freaking the fuck out that shit's being damaged.

Somebody's going to get hurt, somebody's going to be sued.

This is not supposed to happen.

The only way this kind of fight works is if it's shit that's not supposed to happen, in addition to being short and to the point, this was being sanctioned as behavior by everybody involved in it.

And the announcers weren't even going, oh my God,

he's on the third T,

Cinderella story out of nowhere.

And then they would go silent.

Can you imagine?

I thought about this watching this because it was infuriating in so many different ways, especially the commentators.

WWE commentators typically suck monkey ass.

Anything, you know, the Michael Cole.

Hey, I, I was a WWF commentator.

Not in this era.

Not in this era.

Not in the era where these guys are trained by Michael Cole as to do what I guess Vince wants, but the whispering and then the silence.

Can you imagine, just picture any great brawl in Florida history or Memphis, if all of a sudden Lawler is beating the shit out of someone or Lance Russell started whispering?

Can you imagine Gordon?

If he had laid out and hadn't said mustard everywhere.

Oh, my God, Dusty Rhodes is.

Fighting Pac Sung.

Like, can you just imagine they started whispering in the middle of these moments?

It's so counterproductive and stupid.

And they had nothing but time to edit this thing.

They had nothing but time to fix the commentary, nothing but time to cut out 20 minutes of this endless brawl all over the performance center.

The referee, I've never seen anyone in my life count to 10 as slow as he did.

Oh, God, it was brutal.

And then, as soon as the end, as soon as the victory happens, the announcers have been whispering the whole match.

The ring announcer, as loud as he can, the winner of the match.

There's no one there.

Why are you doing that?

Anyway, maybe the worst thing I've ever seen.

And I've seen a lot of bad shit, but this just wouldn't end.

I've seen bad shit that goes six minutes.

This was 40 minutes.

It was awful.

Just the worst.

But wait a minute.

Once again, I can hear Morton and Edge both go, well, motherfuckers, we beat the shit.

Yes, you beat the shit out of each other for way too long and way too stiffly.

And it was preposterous at the end.

The DDT on a pickup truck.

And at that point, I started skipping a minute ahead on a couple of occasions to see if they'd be in any place different,

and they'd lay places forever.

But then

when they finally get up on the top of that truck and they're there forever and they're back and forth or whatever the fuck, but then the referee is saying in this

preposterous scenario where they've gone past a what a realistic or legitimate fight could have been under these parameters and these locations, and it's just gone on so long that it's just, it's not plausible.

And the referee goes, come on, he has a family.

He has a family.

Fuck, we've got families too.

We'd like to go back to them.

That's right.

And then the concerto on top of after crying about it and taking 10 minutes to milk it in front of no people just so that they can get it.

And I'm sure they were told to do this.

so that they could get these facial reaction shots on the camera.

Then he gives the fucking concerto to Orton and boom.

And the winner, as you said.

What just

they have to,

I'm not gonna stop.

If a guy has done all that shit to me, I don't care whether he said he loved me and he used to be my friend or not.

After he fucking stuck the goddamn,

you know, fucking

spatula from the kitchen up my ass,

it.

I'm just gonna take the chair.

I'm not gonna cry about it.

I'm not gonna milk it.

I'm just gonna bash his fucking brains in.

And he did it to his wife.

Yes.

Awful.

Just the worst.

What was that?

It wasn't.

And I like John Cena, and I've never said anything bad about John Cena.

I assume John Cena is gone also from the WWE and will never come back.

That's the only reason he participated in this, I would think, because he'd never be seen again by this audience.

How do I make notes on this?

He came to the ring, then Bray's in the funhouse in the video, then Cena's in the funhouse.

Then he goes through the door because the puppet tells him to.

And, you know, and fucking Lewis Carroll has Alice down the rabbit hole.

I wrote the following: This is the end of wrestling.

Why am I wasting my time watching this?

This isn't even a cool movie fight scene.

This is just stupid and nonsensical.

Even in the movie fight scene, they weren't obviously acting silly and doing shtick with each other.

I've never met Bray Wyatt, but I'm disappointed in John Cena.

Bray Wyatt was emoting to the silly background music.

I don't know what the fuck was going on.

Then they changed characters.

Cena was all of his old characters.

But then Bray Wyatt was...

fucking Hulk Hogan or somebody was doing something.

He disappeared.

This makes no sense.

Cena's Hogan on Nitro.

I hate this.

What does this shit even mean?

This is the things I'm writing.

Fiend appears and hits Cena with his finish

and the mandible claw.

And Bray Wyatt counted the pin in a different shot for his own self holding Cena to sorrow.

Did he win?

Thank fuck this is over.

I assume John never wants to come back to this bullshit.

What

it didn't even make any sense as phony wrestling.

It didn't make any sense as anything.

It was making fun of the wrestling business, having them obviously work together to not just do what Taker and AJ did, which was have a reasonably realistic looking movie fight, but to have silliness and stupidity and act in it and be a part of it.

And it didn't even, so it accomplished nothing good because it made the business look like fucking, Well, I don't even,

I don't even know if this could make the wrestling business look bad because what the fuck, besides the fact that these guys were portrayed as wrestlers beforehand, there was no wrestling involved here.

It's just stupid.

But

it wasn't good at anything.

It wasn't a good movie.

It wasn't a good movie fight scene.

It wasn't performed well

because it didn't make any sense.

You couldn't follow it to begin with.

What the fuck was this?

And then they even have Titus O'Neill.

Apparently, he's still there.

I guess

Vince got mad at him, but then we'll never fire him.

Just say, I don't know what I just saw.

Duh, you think?

Understatement of the year.

Who could have thought that this was something that you should do in front of people?

I'm talking about, I'm not even talking about the fans that weren't there.

I'm talking about do this type of shit and show it to the world.

Why?

Why?

I can't explain why.

I can't explain

what

it's.

You were the guy many, many moons ago, Brian, last, when the sun comes up in the east and sets in the west, many times ago.

You were the one who said, watch the Firefly Funhouse.

This guy's really weird and bent.

Well, that's not exactly what I said.

I said, I think people would really like to hear your opinion of this when he first started doing his firehouse.

Firehouse.

Firefly house promos.

What did you think of the Vince puppet all of a sudden showing up?

Oh, cry Van Vince and Jesse and the fucking

Muppet Show fucking thing.

They're in the goddamn.

Jesus Christ.

Just

reportedly, the creative leads on this were Bray Wyatt and Bruce Pritchard.

Well,

I can believe that Bruce was involved.

I don't know Bray Wyatt, as I've mentioned.

I've never met the young man.

I thought he could talk his ass off in a wrestling context, but I don't know what the fuck this was.

I don't, you know.

Now, if you were worried about, and I don't know if worried is the right word, how the rest of wrestling outside of WWE and even inside WWE will react going forward to something like the Boneyard match and how they'll try to copy it and come up with new versions.

What do you think when you see something like this and the effects this will have on the future?

Well,

okay, and I've stayed off of Twitter and for the most part today.

This has just taken place last night.

We're recording this on Monday, and I've watched this show and doing this with you.

So I would assume,

certainly to God, doesn't everybody,

I can see feedback being mixed on AJ and Taker.

Did anybody actually like this shit?

Feedback is mixed on this, and that's what I was telling you earlier.

There are WWE fans

that will be entertained by anything, and there are also fans who, at this point, are so jaded with wrestling that they saw something that was really weird and they got a kick out of it.

They're not looking for wrestling that makes sense anymore.

They're just looking for something they can get a kick out of.

Like you said, was it a match?

Did Cena actually lose?

Is that the last time we'll ever see John Cena?

Is this his send-off until he goes into the Hall of Fame one day?

Is this the send-off of The Undertaker, Cena, and Goldberg on the same show?

You sound like the guy that used to do the voiceover questions at the end of each episode of Batman.

Tune in next week.

Same bat time, same bat channel.

Is this the end of the Cape Crusader?

I hope it's the end of everybody that was involved in this fucking thing from start to finish.

I hope the cameramen are fired and never, cameramen are fired and never come back.

If you did this on a wrestling program even 10 years ago, it would put your company out of business.

And I know, and now that's

for everybody that was waiting for me to cut the big promos saying, well, this has killed the business, it's too late.

I acknowledge that.

It's over with anyway.

That's what I said a few weeks ago.

I said, coincidentally, right after I announce my retirement from professional wrestling, they cancel all the shows across the world.

Coincidence, I think not.

But

I have no interest in being involved in this shit anymore because the cause is lost and the fight is over.

And when we are actually in a position where not only fans but wrestlers are debating whether the invisible man should be booked on a card,

where anybody can participate no matter what their size or age or skill or whatever and be called a professional wrestler, and where even the participants participants put up absolutely no pretense that they're not completely full of shit.

And the fans think that there's nothing wrong with that.

This is not a fucking industry that I want to be involved in anymore as it currently exists.

The fight is over.

So I can't really muster up a horrible, scathing promo on how bad this was for the business at this point because

the fucking business is fucking done.

Whatever this is, it ain't the wrestling business.

And it appeals to an ever-tightening circle of fucking people who want to see silly shit.

But the more that they do of this, the more they run off all those people who

over 10 years ago, 15 years ago, 20 years ago, 30 years ago, 40 years ago would have watched wrestling till the day they fucking died.

And now we're like, fuck it, I just, I can't take this anymore.

That's where we're at.

And,

you know, this again goes to my point, and we talked about it on the bonus drive-through that came out yesterday, I guess, as we're doing this, or today as we're doing this, but yesterday as the show is released.

That's what makes me so mad when I saw the Friday Night Smackdown go-home thing with Bray and the puppets and Cena.

That's what gets me so mad about the Hardy Jericho stuff in AEW because this is WWE.

This is the road they're going down.

So many of the idiots on the independents will copy them in terms of, hey, we can do stupid, wacky shit because that's what wrestling is supposed to be because that's the way it's been since we were born.

But AEW has a chance to go the other direction and present a different kind of product.

And I don't think they would lose viewers or lose their fan base if they presented.

You know, even if you take the guys like the Bucks and Omega.

But wait, but here's the fly in that ointment, Mr.

Last.

The only person

in a decision-making

capacity, the only person

in a power capacity, the only person in a capacity that can tell people what to do and or pick talent that knows how to do that is Cody Rhodes.

You give Cody way too much credit.

But wait, but he knows how to do it.

He knows.

He signed Marco's stunt.

Listen to me.

Are we sure he did?

But anyway, the point is he knows how to do it.

He may not do it all the time, but I didn't say he was the best in the world at it.

I said he's the only one that knows how to do it of that whole group.

Because ultimately, the burden will come or should fall on Tony Khan

for choosing to listen to outlaw, goofy, indie fucking wrestlers that either thought they were a big deal in Japan or think they're a big deal because they sell t-shirts, even if their picture ain't on it, because the bullets are cool.

And they,

the great territories run by the great promoters who were ex-wrestlers always educated their audiences to the style of wrestling that they were best at presenting,

which was generally what they were best at doing in the ring, which is why in Chicago for so many years and

Indianapolis for so many years, it was Dick the Bruiser and the Crusher and the fucking brawl and Juice on Heenan.

But in Florida, it was great scientific wrestling to give the fucking sport credibility and then the fight on top with the blood.

Or the big fucking monsters and the ethnic heroes in the Northeast or on and on, whatever the flavor was.

It was always the way you educated your audience as what you were strongest at presenting.

And with the exception of Cody Rhodes, none of them either know how to do that or have ever even tried to do that.

At least Cody has studied what his father did.

His father had experience and learned from masters.

He has applied that to the matches that he's had, which is why they get over in the building or in that instant more than the other matches as far as shit that makes sense and the finish accomplishes something because he's the only one that knows how to do it at all.

Whether he's the best in the world at doing that is subject to debate, but he's the only one that knows how to do that at all.

Otherwise, they have an outlaw indie mindset, and that's the product that they're going to fucking give.

With a national TV slot and a billionaire's budget, they're going to give hokey shit.

It's just not going to be hokey shit on the level of the hokey shit we just saw at WrestleMania.

Well, again, my point is, and I'm not, I don't agree with you on Cody.

I think that a lot of people give Cody a pass because of who his dad is.

And I think he has a lot he still needs to prove in terms of his wrestling smarts.

He figured out how to get over.

He figured out how to latch on to things that are over, and he figured out how to get the fans to like him.

But I think there's still a lot more that Cody needs to prove in terms of that.

But you just made a point about it's all these outlaw indie guys there, and there's really no one, unless Tony Khan puts his foot down and becomes a wrestling genius, there's no one to really stop them and push them forward.

That's not the issue.

The issue is guys like Jericho and Hardy, who are saying, we're now here.

We have free reign to do all the goofy shit we ever wanted to do.

Because that Hardy segment, apparently, Jericho was the guy who wanted to do it.

That was Jericho.

So it's one thing worrying about, and I agree with you.

You worry about the Orange Cassidy kind of stuff and the Marco stunt and any of these goofs that were just cherry-picked off the indies because they had a small following somewhere.

Let's put them all together and make a fucking melting pot of bullshit.

Make a big pot of burgoo of wrestlers.

But this is the problem.

If WWE is doing this kind of stuff, I want a wrestling product that goes the other direction.

And I think a lot of other people do too.

And AEW at times has presented that.

And you could definitely point to some of the Cody matches and say, at times, it has presented a fine alternative to the WWE style of wrestling, which now permeates the independent scene as well.

But it's stuff like the Jericho Hardy thing, which is on that show, which belongs on an impact or belongs.

I guess at this point, you could say belongs in the WWE.

Vince didn't want to do the Matt Hardy stuff, but he wanted to do this stuff.

But that's what gets me so mad about AEW: the fact that I want a wrestling product I can enjoy and lose myself in.

And at times you can't.

And everybody's going to say, well, why don't you watch New Japan?

Because we don't want a bunch of fucking interchangeable Japanese guys who we cannot understand what the fuck words are coming out of their mouth doing fucking wrestling.

We want Americans that we understand what their passion and emotion and reasoning is and fucking promos.

And we want to have a little fun in the context.

Fun in wrestling in the context of the presentation of a bunch of wild ass personalities having a fight.

There's plenty of fun there.

You don't see that in New Japan.

That's dryer and a nun's cunt.

And I like Japanese wrestling.

When it's a really good Japanese match, I really like it.

I have a massive collection of Japanese videotapes still to this day.

However, I want an American-style wrestling television show and promotion that doesn't insult my intelligence.

I like the idea of sports-based wrestling.

I'm a massive fan of mid-South wrestling.

You can't go back to 1983 and 1984 and say, all right, we'll just take everything back back and do that.

But you can apply the basic principles of presentation and tone of the show to not insult the audience.

And you insult the audience when you go from something treated realistic to teleportation and drones.

And just like you insult your audience when you go from a Firefly funhouse to Brock Lesnar.

Time for a sofa upgrade?

Visit washable sofas.com and discover Anibay, where designer style meets budget-friendly prices.

With sofas sofas starting at $699.

AniBay brings you the ultimate in furniture innovation with a modular design that allows you to rearrange your space effortlessly.

Perfect for both small and large spaces, Anibay is the only machine-washable sofa inside and out.

Say goodbye to stains and messes with liquid and stain-resistant fabrics that make cleaning easy.

Liquid simply slides right off.

Designed for custom comfort, our high-resilience foam lets you choose between a sink-in feel or a supportive memory foam blend.

Plus, our pet-friendly pet-friendly stain-resistant fabrics ensure your sofa stays beautiful for years.

Don't compromise quality for price.

Visit washable sofas.com to upgrade your living space today with no risk returns and a 30-day money-back guarantee.

Get up to 60% off plus free shipping and free returns.

Shop now at washable sofas.com.

Offers are subject to change and certain restrictions may apply.

All right.

It's time.

I think there should be a special place reserved in hell in a way

for whoever came up with the idea to have both these stinkers of matches at the same time.

But then again, it did get it over twice as quick.

So there's that to be thought of.

But

I said it when we heard the concept.

And

this nothing here changed my mind.

This is one of those things where some goofy Hollywood reality show dips shit in a writer's meeting.

I've seen footage of their writers' meetings where they all have their little computers out in front of them and their phones and they've got ties on sitting around a fucking conference table, just all writing on their fucking computers because they're writers and they have ties.

And they have never had a goddamn one match between a bunch of them, except for Michael Hayes, who they probably have given a lobotomy by now.

I think he's the only wrestling person still there on the writing team, isn't he?

He's either

gone over to the other side or

you would have heard of Michael Hayes murdering some of these fucking people.

But anyway, they said, oh, this would be fucking hilarious.

What a concept.

They have to fight from the start of Titan, the bottom of Titan Tower, all the way to the top and get the blah, blah, blah.

And this is the kind of shit that makes Vince's eyes light up because they can fucking have a set and they can have special effects and a blah, blah, blah.

So the this fucking stinky bullshit consisted of Lacey Evans, Nia Jax,

Carmella, Shana Baszler,

Dana Brooke.

Her entire face looks like it was remodeled after somebody set fire to it and put it out with an axe.

What the fuck has happened?

Did she do that on purpose or was she in a horrible accident?

What the fuck?

And Asuka

or the women's match, and A.J.

and Otis and Aleister Black and Rey Mysterio Jr.

and Daniel Bryan and the Grand Marshal of the Possum Day parade are the men.

So you literally have two of the best wrestlers in the world.

Three, if you count Mysterio, but definitely Daniel Bryan and AJ Styles

involved with a bunch of fucking underneath guys and a bunch of fucking preliminary women, except for Shayna Baszler, who

I get her UFC training taught her well for fighting in the women's room at Titan Tower.

Why did all the girls stand there to catch Asuka?

On the start of it when she dove off the, they were all standing there looking at her for 10 minutes.

And then she jumps and they catch her.

I'd just walk away.

That's the Miss Piggy bump from the Muppet movie.

And then she gets in the elevator

and all the girls go, Oh shit, we got to run up the stairs.

No, they don't.

There's three elevators.

I've been there.

There's three elevators side by side.

Could have just got the next elevator.

But you know what?

Since that elevator moves so slowly, and since there's only four fucking floors to this building to begin with,

the stairs would have been quicker.

Here's a question: question: Why did everyone get off the elevator and/or exit the stairway at every single fucking floor?

If you know you're supposed to go to the roof, why don't you just go to the fucking roof?

That building has a four-story parking garage underneath it, and then four floors, four levels of offices: one, two, three, and four, and then the roof.

You can go top to bottom in the elevator or on the stairs in under a minute.

I did write that this is not worth making notes about at the start, but then I made some because I just, you know, not any critique of any work in this because they're,

fuck.

They played music underneath the alleged fighting.

When Possum,

you know, one of these days, he's got to get fired so he can go to AEW so they can make a tag team of Possum in Pockets.

When Possum threw the weight in the gym and broke the mirror, did you hear the dramatic music?

And he stood there and looked at it, oh my God, what have I done?

You idiot, you fucking buffoon, the WWE has told you people that you have to do this, that you have to have this fight, that you have to start down in the fucking gym and end up on the roof.

They know you're going to break shit.

Otis put a barbell on AJ Styles, and he acted like he couldn't get out from under it.

So he even beats fucking Balding Buck on that goddamn ho-hokey injury angle he did a while back so he could go home.

Yeah, that was really bad.

It was clear that AJ could have rolled that thing right off of him at any point.

Of course.

And then, as we mentioned before, Rey Mysterio ran into Brother Love and the shitter.

Poor Poor Bruce, if he's going to do that, he needs to fucking dye the hair back because now that he's gray, it just doesn't look right.

He looks more like fucking Pat Robertson.

The music changes on every cameo.

That Brother Love's music, then they had Doink's music.

Then Plastic Face.

is somewhere on the second floor, I believe.

And by the way, you couldn't really tell what was what.

I know they have painted and carpeted since I've been there, but they were just in various places in the building, but they weren't taking a linear path to the roof.

They were just fighting in various places in the building.

So

I don't know what the fuck they were doing, but in some conference room, Plastic Face got a fake briefcase, and then Stephanie appears to tell her, Hey, stupid, the real one's on the roof.

I don't know who's fake her, the guys or the girls.

So then AJ Styles is looking for Rey Mysterio,

but he sees the Undertaker poster on the wall, and he gets scared enough of the Undertaker poster that he stands there and looks at it for 15 seconds while he's supposed to be in this fucking mad, mad, mad, mad world race to the fucking Big W to find the money, the Jimmy Durante buried under the fucking palm tree.

I feel like Stanley Kramer produced this goddamn pay-per-view.

He stares at the fucking Taker poster for 15 seconds and then sees a room with blue light and a coffin, so he has a boneyard flashback.

And A.J.

Styles never used to take drugs, but now the LSD is coming back on him.

And then Aleister Black beats him up.

And then Paul Heyman's at a buffet.

And he's got terrible manners.

And suddenly the guys and the girls run in.

What do you mean he has terrible manners?

Well, he picked something out of one plate and decided he didn't like it and put it back in.

But then he saw the fucking, and they didn't even have like something he'd really go bonkers over, like a big Philly cheesesteak.

It was like a fucking catering sandwich.

It just looked like a big bread roll.

And he really likes that.

He's, you know, he's looking at it real nice.

And then here come the guys.

The girls both come in from opposite sides.

Otis, have I mentioned that I despise Otis and his mumbling and his goofy bullshit and the whole cartoon nature of his fiasco.

You have not.

Well, I do.

But at this point, Otis throws the food on Heyman,

which he just stands there with a look on his face and takes.

He didn't do anything to run off or to pitch a fit or to whatever.

He just stood there.

And then that was, I thought somehow somebody's going to, he's going to take a bump.

If I had been there and been forced to be involved in that,

although that would have been a stretch.

I would have at least taken a bump or something.

But anyway, he gets food thrown on him.

They have a big food fight.

And one of the girls gets powerbombed through a table while they play marching music in the background.

Then Otis goes to the cafeteria.

I used to, I can't remember the guy's name.

He used to cook there, but he made great double cheeseburgers.

And he loved me coming in because I was the only one that would get a double cheeseburger with extra cheese.

Or I'd say, if you give me the chicken fingers, I want extra ranch.

All these other fucking twits that used to eat there were coming in, getting fucking sandwiches and salads and granola bars.

So he didn't ever have any fun cooking for anybody until I showed up.

But anyway, he goes in the cafeteria

being mumbling and goofy, as I mentioned.

Why is John Laurinitis in a fucking hover round?

Why did John Laurinitis pull up to him in a fucking motorized scooter that looks like he's a fucking 400-pound old woman at Walmart?

If that was an inside joke, I didn't get it.

I have no idea.

Has he recently had a because he took a bump off the fucking horrible bump off the pie, off the scooter, but he took a bump off the scooter, so he can't have just had like leg surgery or something.

But anyway, he hit John Laurenitis in the face with a pie.

Then Asuka came through, and there was a custodian mopping the floor and Asuka spazzed out at him.

That's what I wrote.

There's only four floors in this fucking building.

Where are they all going?

Daniel Bryan gets hold of somebody and he's actually trying to make shit look good in the middle of this.

I, you know, he's way too dedicated.

Then, oh, it was him and Aleister Black.

I think that he was kicking the shit out of or something.

But then somehow him and AJ

show up in Vince's office

and they play Vince's music

and they bust into the office fighting.

I didn't see Beth.

I don't know where Beth Zaza was because she doesn't let anybody in Vince's office whether they're fighting or not.

But

he's sitting at his computer in the back of the fucking office.

They fight for a while and then he turns around and then they see him.

If somebody burst into my dead quiet office having a big brawl, I'd probably, it wouldn't take me, but like, I would say 1.2 seconds to turn around and say, what the fuck are you doing?

But anyway, we mentioned Vince looks 100.

And I just, I was like, wow, he couldn't even say, get out.

He just get out.

And did he stand up straight from the desk?

I don't know that he stood up straight there.

I'm not sure.

He looked better there than he did on the Triple H 25th anniversary spectacle.

I don't know.

But anyway, I just, he looks old.

But anyway, so he kicks them out of the office after they straighten his chairs up.

They go back outside.

They start casually talking about, well, you were scared and all you were scared.

And then they start fighting again.

So now the only two talents in this fucking whole fiasco that's worth a shit.

And they pretty much just buried them as being stupid, fake, phony.

Oh, I wrote this, my next note.

Is capital punishment legal in Connecticut?

That was just something I thought I would research to see if we could somehow penalize whoever thought of this shit.

So, by the way, Vince's office is

30 feet and one flight of stairs from the roof garden.

But the women got there first,

even though AJ and fucking Daniel Bryan were approximately

44 feet away.

Nia Jax picks up one of those girls and was

pressed her over her head, but lost her and fucking dropped her and then tried to throw her out of the ring, but the girl wasn't ready.

She just kind of

it looked like she's tossing a mark out in Tulsa.

Um,

and I wrote all these people taking all these chances of getting hurt bad for this fucking shit that will be laughed at for years to come and remembered as the worst thing ever in wrestling until next week, probably.

Um, I've

pontificated that I don't know whether I hate the music worse or Asuka's incessant screeching.

And now, by the way, now that when they got in the ring, having no announcers was sounded especially stupid.

Then I started to fucking fast-forward because I was going to skip the rest of the girl shit, but the possum king showed up.

So I thought I'd watch this, and he climbs a ladder, and Asuka knocks him off.

Asuka beat the Possum King to win the women's money in the bank match.

She knocked him off the ladder and got the fucking case.

So

if anybody could be buried any deeper,

Possum King right now is looking up at the treasure at the bottom of the money pit.

Because a woman just beat him for the woman's money in the bank briefcase.

Then the announcers come in and celebrate Asuka's win of a, quote, world title opportunity.

Because Vince doesn't like the word shot.

Although somebody should be shot for

Then Otis showed up and couldn't figure out how to climb the ladder.

I believed this.

The first time all night I believed in anything that Otis or any of the rest of these idiots did

was when he couldn't figure out how to climb a ladder.

And then it was a nice touch when he tried to broke the steps, except the problem is that everybody knows those goddamn aluminum ladders, the steps don't break even if you're 350 fucking pounds.

So that was phony too.

Then I wrote, I hate Otis again, exclamation point, just to make sure that everybody knew.

Then the Possum King threw Rey Mascario and Aleister Black off the roof.

We've said somebody was going to take a bump off the roof.

I guess they're, are they dead now?

I don't know.

AJ Styles returned from being buried just recently.

Well, but that was in a movie.

This was a match.

This was a match

for a WWE title opportunity.

So if they get thrown off the roof and die,

they may really be dead.

Is there a window cleaner at Titan Tower?

Is there a potential that one of them landed on that?

A window cleaner.

One of them landed on him, possibly.

You know what?

They ought to open fucking Raw, or they should have opened.

They ought to open Raw tonight.

with a fucking last night graphic and a fucking zoom from a shot of the street with theirs goddamn uh fucking AJ and Daniel Bryan both, or not AJ and Daniel Bryan, but Rey Mysterio and Aleister Black both hanging off a goddamn window washer's fucking scaffolding, but one of them's around their neck and the other when their foot's tied in it.

Help!

Get us down.

See, if you're going to do shit, then do shit because this stuff was supposed to be funny and it wasn't.

And it was supposed to be wrestling and it wasn't.

And it was supposed to be entertaining and it wasn't.

So at least do something.

But anyway,

as I mentioned, I felt bad for AJ and Daniel Bryan having to lower themselves to be involved in this.

This is the kind of thing in the old days when there was someplace else to go that guys would have heard this and say, Yeah, okay, I'm just going to go to the car and get my bag.

I'll see you ladder.

You wouldn't never see him again.

And then finally, AJ and Possum got the case,

but Elias from nowhere, who wasn't in this match but was hiding

apparently in Titan Tower all this time for just such this opportunity.

Jumped in the ring and hit Possum with the guitar.

But AJ fumbled the case and guess who caught it?

Well, you don't have to guess because you were there.

I saw it.

I was waiting.

I didn't know if you wanted me to actually jump in, but your favorite wrestler in this match got it.

Otis.

Otis is the one.

Wouldn't you know who won the pony?

Otis.

My boy Otis won the pony.

So now Otis

has a world title opportunity at an important

WWE championship.

Hold on one second.

I don't know if I can tear this many pages at some point.

No, no, don't rip it.

No!

Fuck these fucking people.

This is what's going to the the pandemic isn't going to kill

the the thing it's going going to kill is wrestling.

It ain't going to kill 50 million people around the world.

It's just going to finish off wrestling because they've been looking for excuses to do this fucking shit for a long time now.

And they got guys that are veterans.

Some of them are just with a ridiculous need to be on television or some of them just can't handle their money and just have to have a check and just are who's.

for a paycheck, have no principles and no standards.

And you got guys that don't know any better because they've been fucking taught that this kind of shit is okay because they're all entertainers, they're not wrestlers, and they're actors and television performers.

And you have just enough fucking people that are scared to not be with the times and to be left behind because they don't learn and evolve.

Just enough of those small-minded, gutless, wimpy, and

individuals

to sanction this kind of shit because because they're afraid the cool kids won't like them.

That people think that this is okay now and that this is what wrestling should be, or that whatever they're doing over on TNT is what wrestling is supposed to be, and there's no problem with this, and this is not insulting or offensive or stupid.

This is what we get.

This is what we get.

And by the time that there's fans allowed back in the arenas, after they've seen shit like this, we won't really be able to tell.

There'll be people there.

There'll be people there going to look at stupid people doing stupid shit.

There won't be any wrestling fans in the building anymore because there won't be more wrestling.

There barely is now, anyway.

A bunch of these fucking goofs that watch Tosh.0

or jackass or stupid videos and think that wrestling is supposed to be a bunch of stupid people doing stupid shit that you're not supposed to take seriously.

So the pandemic will do what all these other assholes, the wrestling artists and the doll wrestlers and the dick boys and the fucking invisible men and the fucking Hollywood producers of the WWE and all the rest of them that want to be anything other than what they are supposed to be, which is wrestling and wrestlers.

They've started it.

The pandemic's going to finish it.

And by the time that this whole thing is over, they'll say, well, we can just do all this.

It's more fun.

And wrestling is done officially.

Here, I need something else to fucking tear.

Were you happy that the Elias-Baron Corbin feud apparently has continued since WrestleMania?

Oh, I don't know what I could have done without

a fucking knowledge that they're going to continue their epic rivalry to

only outshone by Bobo Brazil and the Sheik in terms of longevity and violence and hatred.

Elias and Possum.

All right.

That was Money in the Bank.

Yeah.

After Money in the Bank, there was a documentary about the Undertaker.

Well, I'm looking forward.

Not on the channel I watched, but I'm going to be watching that on the WWE Network, and we're going to talk about that on the experience because I've heard it's quite good, and I love Me Some Undertaker.

But no, I got the pay-per-view, so I could watch this on real television.

Because as you recall, the only place that I cannot get the WWE network is in my TV room on my TV because it's supposedly too old.

Fucking nine years old.

God damn, I've had underwear longer than that.

But anyway, so I didn't see the Undertaker.

I will watch that by the experience.

But no, as soon as this thing was over with and not a moment too soon,

It said, thank you for getting this pay-per-view event, and I deleted it immediately.

When you fly SJC, you can zip from curb to gate in minutes, faster than fast, so much faster, you'll wonder where the time didn't go.

Fly simple, fly SJC.

Visit flysjc.com.

Speaking of getting in the way, should we talk about

the raw tag team championship between the street profits and the Viking Raiders?

This is the bone of contention that everybody wanted me to see and talk

Have I gone far enough into this now that you could put this on YouTube and I can start using cuss words?

Well, we will find out.

10987654321.

Fuck this whole fucking thing.

I don't know what to say.

I don't know what I was watching.

I don't know why this happened.

I don't know why it was aired.

I have no words to describe it.

I don't know why that everybody involved in it didn't immediately tender their resignation and walk the fuck out.

You know why?

Because the street prophet, and I used to like the Viking Raiders, not the fucking gimmick, but the goddamn guys, fuck them too.

If I ever see them again, I'll tell them in person, fuck you

for being involved in this.

I have never needed a goddamn job.

I've never needed money so bad.

I've never had so lack of self-respect or respect for my profession that I would have not walked.

I've walked out on a lot less than this.

And I think they ought to be ashamed of themselves.

I think whoever pitched this idea should not only be fired, but potentially beaten up in an alleyway somewhere by fucking street thugs that are hired at a later date.

If anybody had suggested that this was a good idea for me to do in a promotion that I ran, I would not only have fired them, I would have physically attacked them.

I don't know.

If it was my company and I had a choice of airing this or airing nothing, I would air Mighty Mouse reruns.

It's got to the point now when they can make

AEW

look like the more fucking reputable organization

with all of the WWE's resources and the talent that they have on the roster and the talent that they have in the production studio and the talent that they have or just the high-price talent that they have,

that they would allow something like this on their program shows that nobody that knows what the fuck they're doing is either in charge or can stand up to vents or has the backbone or the balls or the guts or the scruples to fucking walk out over goddamn principles.

and i hate everybody involved in this and i never want to see any of them again personally or professionally

i i

why would you even do so it wasn't even funny fake it wasn't even entertaining fake it was silly fake and stupid fake

And they all ought to be ashamed of themselves.

And as a matter of fact, if I'd have been Randy Orton and Edge, I would have gone up to all these guys and including the agents, including the creative team, and I'd have slapped them all in the fucking face because they pissed all over Randy Orton and Edge.

After I watched most of this match, after I started fast-forwarding to see when it would end, and finally, when I did fucking fast-forward to the one point, they were in a dumpster, and that was so fucking fitting.

I said, if that ain't the finish, it ought to be.

Y'all to put garbage in a dumpster and close the fucking lid.

I got out of it there.

I had to stop watching the show.

I wanted to see Randy Orton and Edge.

I wanted to see how they lived up to their billing.

And or just as I've always liked Edge, Orton's a fucking premier worker.

That was something I was looking forward to watching.

And after this fucking thing, I turned the goddamn thing off and I had to go away from it and walked around for about an hour and did other things.

And the only reason I came back to it and watched Orton and Edge

was because,

well, two reasons.

Number one, I didn't want to waste that much time on the rest of this fucking stinker just to not see the only good thing on it and secondly i knew people were going to be waiting for it and i wanted to be able to at least say something positive about somebody but if i if it hadn't been my profession and what i'm supposed to be doing for the program i would have never come back to this fucking show or watched any of the rest of it again after this fucking horse shit fuck you street profits whoever the fuck you are i've never met you fuck you viking raiders i know you took the shitty gimmick because you got a job, but doing this, fuck you, drive a fucking truck, motherfuckers.

If Bruce Pritchard had anything to do with this, I hope Paul Bosch reanimates from the grave and sodomizes him, just fucks him until his soul leaves his fucking body.

Fuck you, Bruce.

Anybody else?

Can you think of anybody else that we can directly implicate in this before I talk anything about the details?

Vince McMahon.

Well, Vince McMahon is obviously, we now have proof that he's insane, has lost his mind, and is senile, and is babbling and fucking spilling his goddamn oatmeal all over his fucking lap.

The Vince McMahon I knew would have never let

a bunch of all the things that he even did in the 80s and 90s,

something as amateurish and stupid and silly as this.

They start out fighting in a parking lot, but then because they break Braun Strowman's windshield, they all four run off scared.

The tag team champions and their challengers, all four of them are scared of one guy.

So already I knew the guys were jabronis

in the thing to begin with.

Then they've then fighting in the back of the arena with marching music.

Then they have a face-off with golf clubs and axes and a bowling ball.

I'm not kidding, but then they decide they shouldn't use those things.

So they talk it over, put them all down, and then start fighting again.

Here's how stupid they all are.

They were laying shit in,

trying to make their work look good while they were being obviously phony on purpose.

I guarantee you, I've never complained.

Well, I've complained a few times to my boys, but never to the opposite side, really.

But I'd never complained about guys laying shit in to make shit look good if they weren't reckless.

But I would complain

long and loud of a motherfucker laying something in to make it look good while we were doing something that was so obviously phony we could never make anybody believe it was real to begin with.

Then, I don't care whether your work looks like the shits.

Don't fucking hit me hard trying to convince people when we're doing something they can't be convinced over.

That's fucking stupid.

Then they were eating turkey legs, then they got knocked through a glass door.

A Viking flashed back to

a game of bowling.

And we could see the fucking flashbacks in the guy's mind.

And then he threw the bowling ball into the street prophet's nuts.

Here's what I wrote verbatim.

I hate all four of these guys.

I hate whoever told them to do this.

I hate the idea of this.

I'm not sure if it was a flashback or a dream sequence.

Whatever it was.

They should have sent out the fucking LSD so that we'd all be on the same page.

Then we might not have minded it.

Ninjas on motorcycles showed up.

What was the meaning of the ninjas on the motorcycles?

Has this, has something been done with a team of ninjas on a motorcycles that this is referring to?

Or

they just showed up and interrupted the fucking fight?

I believe this may have been the debut of the ninjas on motorcycles.

I don't know anything about it.

And I wrote, well, the WWE is now the biggest garbage wrestling promotion in the world.

It's made football field fuckery look like Fez versus Rodgers.

So then the Vikings and the Prophets join up to fight the motorcycle ninjas, and they go through a quick series of clips of goofy spots.

So I started fast-forwarding to see when it would fucking end.

I stopped.

They were fighting again.

When I left, they were joined up, teamed fighting the motorcycle ninjas,

but then they were fighting each other again.

And then I fast-forwarded some more, and then they knocked each other off a goddamn fucking semi-trailer truck.

And I fast-forwarded a little bit more, and they were all laying in the dumpster.

And that's where I just turned the show off and walked away from it.

And

the virus, as I said before, and you can go back,

what, a month or so ago, I said the virus is going to be what kills wrestling.

Because now now that they've been forced to try to be creative,

they're doing this shit and they're getting a tickle out of it and they like it.

So they're going to do more of it.

And it's going to get worse and worse.

I don't know how it can be worse than this.

I could actually smell my computer monitor from watching this on the network.

But

the virus has killed wrestling.

They're either going to computer generate the shit or they're going to do more movies or cinematic approaches.

I'd like to give you a cinematic approach of a fucking John Holmes movie and splooge right in your fucking eye, Kevin Dunn, and all the rest of you.

And this is what they're going to be doing.

And it's it, and by the

year of this, and nobody will ever want to watch anything that's called wrestling ever again.

I'd like to say a positive comment.

Like you, I hated

the stadium stampede match with AEW.

I thought it was an embarrassment.

I thought it was a joke.

I thought it was bad comedy put together that was acceptable by the dwindling wrestling audience.

But by and large, people who like professional wrestling or comedy would realize how stupid it was.

But if I could say a positive about that match, at least Bruce Pritchard and Vince McMahon weren't involved in it.

Because now you're seeing, you know, I've said how AEW is those guys, their version of WWE wrestling.

It's not sports-based wrestling.

It's not a modern take on Mid-South wrestling.

It's not a modern take on Nitro.

At this point, it is their version of WWE wrestling.

And this was WWE's version of the AEW cinematic match.

Oh.

By the way, there's a way to do it.

I mean, that's the thing.

The next match on the show was a cinematic match.

It was a match with various elements from crowd noise to Howard Finkel being reanimated

to cuts in the match, like

elements of the match that were put together in post-production.

That's a way you could do it where at least it's not insulting.

But this shit, I don't know what this was.

I mean, you missed another dream sequence.

You missed so much.

Yeah,

I would have missed wrestling for the rest of my life if I'd have seen any more of this.

I was disgusted by the whole thing.

I was repulsed by it.

I understand being really mad at the production team and whoever was the agent and whoever came up with it and the head of creative and Vince McMahon.

These four guys in the match are four guys with their first real chance to make some money.

I don't give a fuck them.

Fuck them.

Have some fucking balls, some fucking principles.

Go out and make a goddamn idiot out of yourself on national national TV and shit all over the wrestling business.

Fuck them.

I've walked out for less.

And adjusting my fucking WCW contract for inflation, probably on around the same amount of money.

I don't give a fuck.

Fuck everybody had anything to do with this.

Fuck anybody that liked it.

I'll slap you.

How about that?

Fucking tell me, man, woman, or child, 8 to 80, blind, crippled, or crazy, if you can't walk, I'll drag you.

You tell me you like this, I want to to slap the out of you this was bad this was pretty bad and i was so upset that when i finally sat down and then watched the worthwhile match on this fiasco

i was more insulted and offended and upset for randy orton and edge and now we find out edge tore his fucking tricep he's going to be out for a while

They go out there and fucking put on a clinic, have the closest thing you can have to a masterpiece in this day and age in wrestling,

fucking work their asses off, and Edge gets hurt and is going to have to have surgery, and it was all for naught because nobody could take a goddamn bit of it seriously because they had just seen the whole business mocked and made a joke of by a bunch of fucking underneath twats that shouldn't be in a fucking ring.

And they weren't in a ring.

They did the whole VTR package about this blood feud they've got going on with absolutely nothing in it to make me believe that anybody is really mad or ever has been, especially with the way they've got Seth Rollins doing this blase delivery

of badly scripted verbiage that they give these guys.

And I don't know why everybody's so calm and soft-spoken when they're talking about, I'm going to gouge your eyeball out.

Well, I'll come back and pull your nuts off, and I'll stick them down your trachea until your testicles loll out your dickhead

i dare you

what the

and they actually had the ring announcer i said it i said it like that hannibal guy then oh and what else did he do then oh tell me oh tell me about the wrestling saw on wikipedia you were a manager

Yes, somebody, somebody said that so-and-so said bad things about you.

What do you think about that?

Anyway,

by the way he is he is the worst let me just throw that in well and think how much ground that covers there's always somebody out there that may be worse we just hadn't found him yet anyway they actually had the ring announcer announce as part of the stipulation the only way to win is to extract one of your opponent's eyes

All right, we've talked about, it's been so fucking stupid from the time that they announced this, and everybody laughs at it, and nobody believed it.

And,

you know, but there was some

element of

discussion and or wonderment or bewilderment.

How are they going to do this, right?

That was like, it's like, it's like the two dogs fucking.

They have taken what I described about shitstains booking from years ago and just now apply it to everything.

We don't give a fuck what happens.

We just want to see how they're going to do it.

We don't care about any of these people.

And we certainly don't believe that any of this is in any way legitimate or even that there could be some ill will between these guys like a Bret Hart or a Shawn Michaels that would lead somebody to go into business for themselves.

It's just a bunch of bullshit to laugh at.

So how are they going to do this?

I was even interested.

Well, how are they going to do this?

One guy going to walk around with no eyeball in his head for the rest of his life?

You even made mention, well, it didn't say it had to be detached.

But, you know, when you extract one of your opponent's eyes, that kind of is a bait and switch if it can still be attached by the optic nerve.

And certainly, a fine, upstanding, publicly traded company like the WWE is not going to bait and switch anybody.

So, this is going to be good, right?

Yeah.

And I was right, by the way.

You don't have to detach it.

It just had to be extracted.

Well, turns out I was right on the circulation.

No, I'll extract you.

No, nothing got extracted except money out of people's wallets for this fucking

as soon as Seth Rollins on his way to the ring.

he pulls a pair of pliers out of his jacket.

Did anybody notice that these are goddamn big, like channel lock pliers you would change giant bolts with?

He needed needle-nose pliers for a fucking eyeball.

Did every eyeball I've ever pulled out with a pair of pliers?

I had to use needle-nose because you can't get in a fucking socket with those bits.

So that was the first thing right off there, right off the bat that tipped me off that just was phony.

Then Ray,

I love the old deal where if a baby face has been so wronged by a heel and is so mad that he hits the ring from behind and starts wailing on the fucking heel,

Ray came in behind Seth and waited for him to turn around.

And then he drank, and then they jump started 100 miles an hour.

And at that point, I wrote, what's left to do after the fucking table match?

Well, I found out later on some more table shit because, you know,

if any

world champion before 1990 fucking won,

if you had done a spot, any kind of spot with a table, when they were going to use a table in their match,

you would have heard about it, potentially while a leg of that table was being whacked over your fucking head.

Random observations.

When Rey Mysterio flies, at least he flies like a wrestler and not a gymnast.

I thought he was really moving good.

He's had the knee problems and everything, but he looks like an athlete, even though he, and the height differential is so,

because Seth is, what, six, three, or four or whatever.

So it looked good there because the baby face was

fucking smaller.

But then

Ray gets a toolbox.

It comes out with a piece of rebar.

And Seth Rollins get a kendo stick.

I know why the toolbox is under the ring.

Why is the kendo stick under the ring?

Because it makes a good noise.

Every ring crew needs a kendo stick to put the ring up with.

Once again, ECW.

ECW.

Yeah, or any Japanese wrestler of the fucking 60s, 70s, and 80s.

Tojo Yamamoto had a kendo stick when he managed Fuchi and Onita.

I'll let that slide, but why is it under the fucking ring?

Do you remember why the Sandman and ECW started coming out with the kendo stick?

I always assumed because they were marks and liked to hit each other for fucking real that they could do that with the kendo stick and and it would only hurt you some instead of ridiculously i think it was actually originally a pretty topical thing remember there was was his name oh whoa whoa the singapore the guy that got singapore cane that's right some asshole teenager in singapore

american teenager was in singapore and shoplifted something or some minor stupid offense and they fucking cane him because it's in singapore and that's what they do and so paul e took off with that.

But it's once again, nobody remembers that now.

We had to think about it for a minute.

So why is there a kendostick involved in professional wrestling?

Nobody explains these things.

As a matter of fact, somebody says, several people on Twitter said, well, the end of NXT the other night,

Scarlett brought the bag containing the pieces of the hourglass that Keith Lee himself had broken.

Okay, then instead of laying out out like it was some dramatic Broadway stage production, that's when your professional announcers should have said when she dumped it out, my God, that's the hourglass that she had herself been timing Adam Cole's reign that Keith Lee broke.

Holy shit.

That's all it takes.

Anyway, with Rey Mysterio and Seth Rollins, when wrestling spots broke out, they performed them at a high level.

Then they'd either go back out to the floor, go back to all the gimmicks, and it looks like what everybody else does because that's everything that everybody else does these days.

And when somebody,

I'm sorry,

even in no DQ matches, I learned early on from the veterans, when the heels are getting heat in the no DQ matches, they should still try to cheat behind the referee's back because visually and

subliminally for the people,

when somebody is trying to gouge another guy's eye out and the the referee is just standing there and staring at it because that's the stipulation of the match, it gets no heat and it just looks stupid.

But when somebody's trying to gouge somebody else's eyeball out and the referee is trying to pull them off and doing something about it, there's a sense of urgency, then that gets some heat.

And or if the heel is cheating behind the referee's back, even in a no-DQ match, that gets more heat.

Because there's just something about the way the fans are looking at the referee, looking right at it, or nobody trying to help anybody or whatever.

The veterans told me this.

I've always told everybody I've trained this.

Apparently, nobody up there listens these things.

Every time the announcers acted like an eye was really going to come out, it killed it.

And it killed them.

And they're having to, they're not even.

If ever there was a stipulation that you might have to wink at verbally or with a tone in your voice, and they were playing it overly straight, Like

they're convinced somebody is going to get their eye pulled out.

And as we've mentioned, unless it was a bar fight involving Bill Watts, I don't think so.

And by the way, I thought it was a little ridiculous them going back to doing spots, just regular wrestling spots

match, where the whole goal is to extract the eye.

You don't need to do an Irish whip at that point.

My next note was this went forever.

Great wrestling spots.

Then they just kept going back to the weapons and the eyes.

And it just

Mysterio broke Kendo Stick and tried to magnum TA and Tully Seth Rollins, but it didn't have nearly the

anything to it.

Then Mysterio milks Seth Rollins' eye into the corner of the stairs.

I know it's because they did it on television in their previous angle and the angle of Dominic and et cetera, but can you come up with a more awkward way to put somebody's eye out than to push their face into the corner of a set of steel steps that's so fucking huge that they can literally place their hands on them and fucking push themselves away from them?

It's not like you're using a stick or your fucking finger or whatever.

It's just so awkward.

But at this point, they promised that we'd have nightmares after watching this show, and I'm going to.

If I can ever go to sleep again, I'm going to have horrible fucking nightmares.

So then

finally,

Seth Rollins, and I'm not making this up for the many of you out there who I hope did not have to watch this idiocy.

Seth Rollins pushes

Rey Mysterio's eye into the corner of the stairs

as hard as he can, apparently.

But did you notice when he let go,

Ray's face?

He still held it there.

It was like he was impaled or stuck on some kind of nail that was next to the stairs because Seth lets go of him and he doesn't recoil in fucking pain or freedom or whatever.

He just leaves his face leaned in where you can't see

the corner of the stair in the eye.

You can't see it.

But

Seth Rollins comes to attack him again, looks down,

has a horrified look on his face,

backs up

and pukes, starts puking at what he has seen.

And once I saw what he's seen, I started puking too.

And by the way, I did see that actually happen one time for real.

That match, me, Adrian Street, and Miss Linda in a lumberjack strap match against Bill Dundee in the Cook Convention Center in Memphis, Tennessee.

Dundee throws me so hard out of the ring, I fucking bashed my face in the goddamn apron of the ring on the way down.

Busted me open from the cheekbone out.

I'm spurting blood about a foot and a half, two feet out from my face.

Terry Taylor is one of the lumberjacks with the straps, comes over to whip me and draws back and looks at my face and gets that queasy look and just turns and walks away from me.

That's when I knew I was hurt.

So it can happen.

However, he didn't vomit.

What you you see then

when you go to the shot of Rey Mysterio was Ray on his back with his hand over his eye.

And you could tell this.

I freeze framed mine.

Somebody did a better close-up

and put it on Twitter of the freeze frame of the hand over the eye.

When we were talking about this, how are they going to do this?

How are they going to CGI computer generated?

That's the thing.

Is it cinematic?

I was expecting something.

Special effects, some Tom Savini bullshit, right?

Yeah.

You know what we got?

He's got his hand over his face.

He's holding a fucking ping-pong ball.

They drew on with a red Sharpie.

A ping-pong ball they drew on with a red sharpie.

A ping-pong ball.

The WWE, the worldwide leader in sports entertainment.

The cinematic Match Masters.

A ping-pong ball and a red sharpie.

And you didn't see it.

Obviously, they didn't want you to see it after they saw what it looked like.

I saw that on the internet.

Vince Icks made the big reveal shot.

I wonder why.

God, I've seen better special effects of fucking.

Oh, my God.

I had people sending me that clip from Friday the 13th, part three, where the guy's head gets squished by Jason and his eyeball pops out.

I'm thinking, I hear CGI.

I'm thinking, okay, you know what?

I'm not really into this, but maybe they're going to do something so fantastical that

I'll sit up.

I'll be like, wow, that was something different.

This was the most anticlimactic ending to such a garbage gimmick I've ever seen.

There was not blood gushing.

There was his hand over his face, and you could see between his fingers on the one freeze frame the ping-pong ball with the red Sharpie drawn on it.

And then medical personnel come out with a towel.

It's like

used to burn somebody.

They'd come out and they'd throw a towel over your head.

Like that's what you do with a burn victim, right?

But it kept people from seeing that the guy may not be burned.

But in this case,

okay,

let's say that this guy's eyeball is now hanging out on his cheek, disembodied from his fucking face, and the doctors come out and put a towel on it, and one of the doctors is keep some pressure on it.

Put pressure on a popped-out eyeball?

What would that fucking feel like?

You fucking morons.

And then they took him to, guess where?

A medical facility.

where the ocular reattachment may have taken.

But the fake doctors with the towel over his disembodied eye keep pressure on it on the popped-out eyeball or the popped-out ping-pong ball.

I've seen a video where somebody popped out some ping-pong balls, and it was more entertaining than this.

I'll tell you that right now.

And that was it.

And fucking Seth is over there fucking

vomiting his cream of wheat.

Vince loves vomit.

He's gonna.

He's gonna.

Yeah, what is that?

Why does Vince have a thing that's like vomit and defecation and farts?

Urine?

Yeah, what is it?

Yes, it just, because it's South Park.

You can take the boy out of the trailer park, but you can't take the trailer park out of the boy, I'll tell you.

And then later on, the boy comes back and buys the trailer park.

It's funny, too.

We don't know if this eye reattachment will take.

If Ray signs his contract, his eye will be magically reattached.

If he doesn't, he's going to show up on AEW with two eyes.

So it's just so stupid.

I,

yeah.

So,

you know, these guys could have a great wrestling match.

This obviously was not it because once again, not because of the talent, but because the stupidity of the creative team, the writers, Vince himself, whoever's fucking behind this, whoever thought this was a good idea, whoever thought that this, unless Vince came up with the whole thing himself and several people resigned,

you know, in like a wrestling version of the Saturday Night Massacre before Vince got somebody that would carry it out, this is just ridiculous.

So there you have it.

An eye for an eye.

And we're not even done yet.

An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a goddamn bowel movement for this show.

That's about what it's worth.

All right, you can get mad at me a little bit on this one.

I'm going to tell you when I left it, when they lost me.

The swamp fight match closed this

sad chapter in American wrestling history.

Bray Wyatt and Braun Strowman and Corey Graves' pitch

to this match, I think, summed up the whole thing.

He actually said, and I quote, the question on everyone's mind, what sort of unforeseen terror is lurking beneath the surface of the brackish waters?

That was on everyone's mind.

And, you know, if this was a Universal International Picture from 1957

or possibly a William Castle production from the 60s,

Maybe we, you know, maybe they could have even had

like a fucking tingler thing on our seats, wired to our seats, where every time that the fucking, you know, you saw a snake in the swamp, you felt something bite you or whatever.

That'd be a William Castle fucking gimmick.

Because there wasn't anything to do with wrestling in this.

It's all movies.

They all, they're frustrated, fucking movie actors, movie writers, movie producers.

And now we know why they're frustrated because they're not any fucking good at it.

So it opens with Bray Wyatt and a rocker rocking in the middle of the swamp when Braun Strollman pulls up in his SUV.

And I hope it's not a rental because it voids your insurance if you're driving in the swamp.

At least it hurts.

Braun Strowman says, I'm home, and then the lights go out.

The lights go out in a swamp.

That happens to me all the time whenever I go down to the swamp.

The lights went out, and when the lights came back on, Bray Wyatt had disappeared.

And right then, I was going to invoke the teleportation rule.

But I thought, okay, I'm not going to, because first off, we're not supposed to take this seriously.

This is wrestling, supposed to be silly and fun.

And secondly,

he didn't actually teleport.

The lights were out.

He could have gotten up and walked off.

We'll just discuss the loophole of how the lights got turned off in a swamp at a later date.

So then they start the spooky music and the movie fight.

And during them fighting,

it cut to a clip of Bray Wyatt in the funhouse cheering Braun Strowman on while Bray Wyatt was fighting Braun Strowman in the swamp.

And then

Braun Strowman, I'm not making this up, ladies and gentlemen.

Am I lying about any of this?

No, you're telling the truth about exactly what sort of garbage we saw.

Okay, Braun Strowman gets hit from behind by a shovel and goes down and looks up and he sees who hit him.

Brian, you don't have to guess because you saw it, but just for the sake of me saying this for the people that may not have seen this fucking four-finger stinker, this goddamn back alley abortion of a wrestling program.

Who hit Braun Strowman?

Guess who hit Braun Strowman, folks?

I'll tell you who hit Braun Strowman.

Braun Strowman hit Braun Strowman.

He looks up and sees Braun Strowman with the shovel because of

he's a mental goddamn case.

I don't know why, because

and right then I couldn't find the remote.

And I got to see that Braun Strowman woke up after being knocked out with the shovel, chained to a chair in a cabin, or as New Jack once said, chained in the bowels of a slave ship.

Braun Strowman was chained to a chair in a log cabin, and that's when I said, I'm done.

Fuck these guys, fuck these alleged writers, fuck this whole company.

This would have made me ashamed to ever be a part of wrestling, but this isn't wrestling.

So I'm not ashamed to have ever been a part of wrestling.

I would have been ashamed to ever be a part of whatever the fuck these people just did.

And they should be ashamed to call themselves wrestlers, but it didn't make me ashamed of wrestling because there was no aspect of wrestling involved in this.

If Vince likes it, he needs to take that cognitive test that old fucking President Pigshed has taken, where he can identify the elephant from the donkey.

Or if Bruce was in favor of this,

I think he's been to rehab before.

Somebody needs to fucking check and see if Bruce has fallen off the wagon.

Or potentially,

it may be that, you know, he's had bad health.

Maybe he's on some kind of heart medicine that's causing him to have psychotic episodes.

Maybe he's on that hydrochloroquine.

Braun Strowman, I'm pretty sure we've established is a fucking idiot and would have never made it 15 minutes in the real wrestling business because he don't understand how it worked or how it's supposed to work.

Bray Wyatt, I think I'm the most disappointed in of all of them because, as I mentioned before, Black Jack mulligan i only met him a few times but from what ric flair and other people have told me about him he would be spinning in his grave right now at the thought of his business being portrayed in this way

so what else happened after he was chained in the cabin and i said fuck this i'm done was there anything else of note

Of note, that's

hard to say.

At some point, a guy came out and attacked Braun Strowman after he got out of the chair.

Don't know who the guy is, but then he was lit on fire and he ran off in flames.

Wait a minute, Braun Strowman or the guy that...

Oh, no, the stuntman that they hired to be a generic Bray Wyatt disciple.

Ran off in flames.

I got to be honest, I didn't turn it off like you did, but I just stopped caring and paying close attention.

So every now and then I would look up.

The end of the pay-per-view

had Braun Strowman.

I don't know if it was a raft or a little boat, but he's on the water, and the little credits come up, you know, copyright, World Wrestling Entertainment, or whatever.

They didn't do the goddamn Friday the 13th body out of the fucking water.

Oh, that's exactly what they, that's exactly what they did.

Fucking hell.

And then Bray Wyatt jumped out of the water, pulling him into the water, and then the water all went red.

and so did their ink

and so did their ink as soon as they aired this and people started canceling their network subscriptions fuck

so that was that an eye for an eye I think we've put to bed now or put to rest any accusations that have been

cast our way that we favor

the WWF over AEW when in actuality they need neither one of them worth a fucking shit.

Neither one of them are worth a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of.

I will tell you this.

I find AEW, and again, I killed them this past week.

I hated that show on Wednesday night last week.

They are much less offensive than WWE to a wrestling fan.

Well, okay, the way you phrase that, I will agree with that because

AEW is still more offensive to me as a wrestling professional because because of the, I can't say the word talent, because the individuals that they put on national television that are so woefully not ready and look so outlaw and do such goofy shit.

It offends me more as a wrestling professional, but I can see where

to just an average fan, it might be easier to watch just because

you can laugh at it more instead of just shaking your head.

I shook my head more.

I didn't laugh at anything on this show.

It was all just stupid.

And what was supposed to be funny wasn't funny.

And it was offensive with the I thing and the whole nine yards, just

cheating people, promising them something you didn't deliver.

But nothing's

silly or just completely obviously...

They do obviously phony shit, but they act like they mean it.

I don't know which is worse.

The guys that are doing obviously phony, stupid shit and acting like trying to act like they mean it, or the guys on the other channel doing the obviously phony shit and laughing while they're doing it because nobody takes it seriously to begin with.

I

pick it.

I don't fucking know.

This, I think this is worse.

This is much worse.

The eye for the eye, the swamp fight, Bailey deciding she's the referee and the title seemingly, or at least her friend wins.

I don't even remember if there was a title on the line in that match.

The other match had a title on the line.

No, no, there was a title on the line in every match.

There was a title on the line in the MVP match.

Guy didn't show up, so MVP just walked off with the belt.

This whole show was a train wreck.

And

it is another piece of evidence that Vince McMahon is shot

and that Bruce Pritchard is there just to enable this shot old man to continue to stay on top of this company where everyone in the company or out of the company knows the best thing for the WWE right now would be new management because the ratings are down.

There's nothing they could point to as a metric that says, you know what, Vince is doing a good job.

There's nothing.

And in terms of,

you know, you can't base wrestling on critical acclaim because people who are smart fans sometimes like things that work.

Sometimes they dislike things that work.

But this is just.

That's why whenever you see a smart fan that suddenly gets his own company and gets to book, that's why you get some of the things you get.

That's right, but this is garbage.

This is complete and utter garbage, and I don't know how anyone could like it, I don't know how anyone could support it.

If it wasn't a business expense for me, I wouldn't have the WWE network and I wouldn't watch any of this crap.

You know what?

I don't even write it off because I'm so ashamed to let anybody know I actually have it.

It's awful, just awful, awful.

What a brain trust.

What a brain trust they have up there.

I thought you were going to try to make me feel better.

You're making me feel worse.

The fact that AEW can be a better professional wrestling program than anything ought to right there tell you we might as well just fold our fucking tent.

Might as well just pack it up and go home.

Nobody's even trying anymore.

But

more shareholders need to get upset at the way WWE is being run.

More shareholders need to speak out and tank that stock

for the message to get through.

Shameful.

Just awful, awful.

Television?

By the way, their ratings are in the toilet.

There's a reason for that.

It's not just COVID-19.

It's some of the worst television anyone has ever produced, not just for wrestling, but for television.

And even if you want to do some weird cinematic David style wrestling match,

if this is the best you can come up with,

because you know what, the Undertaker AJ match, not my thing,

but that was done well for what it was.

It worked for what it was and because of who was involved.

And

this swamp thing was the second Tupelo concession stand brawl a year later that yielded very little in the way of results.

It was the second worst swamp thing I've ever seen.

God damn, that first one wasn't too fucking good, that swamp thing, anyway.

That's exactly right.

Awful.

Just awful.

I apologize to AEW for killing them so hard last week.

The show still sucked, but this,

this was a whole new level of suck, the likes of which hopefully we never see again, but we will, because it's Vince McMahon.

and his toady, Bruce Pritchard, running a creative team that produces shit like this because this is what they think Vince wants.

Awful.

Garbage.

But now, but now, will AEW

take the challenge?

Will it take the hand off of the baton and say, no, just like Vince said last week?

Oh, no, no, no way, pal.

I can top this.

Will they find a way to top this and be even stinkier and rottener?

We'll have to find out.

We'll have to find out.

We'll see if Chris Jericho has any more creative input.

That may

steer that one direction or another.

Hello again, friends.

And you are our friends, the great Brian last here.

You there?

We are here with a YouTube exclusive.

Of course, we said that we are taking a couple weeks off.

We have a couple omnibus collections.

We have a brand new drive-through next week.

And we said we would only be doing special reports if anyone did anything stupid.

in the world of professional wrestling.

Well, it took a day, and it has happened.

Not even a day.

And of course, here he is, the man who will be lending his insight to this inferno of a review, Mr.

Jim Cornett.

Explain, Brian Ladd, to the people, to the people, explain fully

that

not only did we say that unless someone does something incredibly stupid, magnificently ignorant, preposterously brainless, without a modicum, a minuscule amount of thought

or

good intention,

something on a biblical scale of wretchedness.

And then we were going to do a broken news report on YouTube because it would be timely.

But otherwise, we were going to have a nice little break.

With all of our things already taped up and planned out.

And it did not only did it not take a day,

it actually happened,

what, three hours, four hours maybe after those words were

emitted, uttered,

propelled from our chicken lips.

Well, you know, on Twitter on Sunday, all throughout the day, people kept asking, are you guys going to review tables, ladders, and chairs, TLC, the pay-per-view event by WWE?

Will you be reviewing it?

Will the drive-through be delayed a day because of the review?

And

finally, I had to say, we will not be reviewing this event.

And people were writing all throughout the event, oh, this match was good.

I really wish Jim would have talked about this.

Jim would have liked this.

And then the main event happened.

And then all of a sudden, the correspondence we were receiving changed.

It became the tone

shifted a bit.

The worm, as they say,

had turned.

That's right.

People are saying, Jim will lose his mind if he watches this.

I got to hear what he'll say.

And here we are.

We have listened to the people.

So you're trying to play this off on the demand of the people when in Azure, you called me,

Brian, left from your chicken lips, as soon as I answered the phone hello, thinking it's just going to be a personal call because we have a day off.

You say, well, somebody did something stupid.

This is true.

You must admit, before we even talk about what you thought of this, you must admit that this is the level of stupid that warrants a breaking news report.

A broken news report.

Yeah, no, this is a broken news report.

This news, this news didn't break.

It was already broken when people found out about it, when they saw it happen.

It was already broken that this got by multiple people,

multiple alleged brains.

And I'm, I, of course,

obviously, we must blame part of this on the

creative, I can't say call them comedy writers now.

Usually it's the comedy writers, the creative geniuses that come from the major universities with a background in television.

They want to do the comedy, but now they've branched out into fucking horror movies.

And they say, well, let's just fucking set people on fire.

Not even, I mean, we've all set people on fire, but I've set somebody on fire.

I've set a couple of people on fire.

Bob Armstrong, Ronnie Garvin.

But what is the difference between throwing fire and stipulating?

No, I was about to say to actually say, well, see, and that was the stipulation, which

of the Firefly Funhouse Inferno match.

Oh, I'd love to have heard Kevin Dunn talking about that one in a production meeting.

The Firefly Funhouse Inferno Match.

The stipulation as written, as announced by the ring announcer, Mike Rome,

he got his hair cut with a pencil sharpener.

Go back and look at him now.

Anybody,

I triple dog dare you.

Don't stick your tongue to a flagpole.

Go back and look at this fucking Schmo.

on on the video and tell me that somebody had to stick his head when he was in grade school, stick his head in a pencil sharpener and grind it, and he's kept that haircut ever since.

Anyway,

the stipulation was to light some part of your opponent on fire.

And as that was saying, speaking from a segment of the population that has set other human beings on fire, that can happen.

But

how did they get total and complete immolation

of a human being to a burnt crisp, to waffle house fucking of hash browns.

How did that?

We're going to actually kill, murder this guy, kill him, burn him

alive.

He was alive when they started.

So burn him alive

as the finish to this pay-per-view.

of this once proud company that has been reduced to

And here's the thing: a lot of people are going to say, well, you got to cut a promo on your boy Randy Orton.

Here's the thing:

Randy Orton,

one, the last

star of their great class, besides Brock, who

wrestles once a fucking, every time Heyman gets laid, Brock wrestles.

So,

and,

well, it's about the same amount of frequency.

And

Cena's making movies.

And

he's the last of the superstar-level guys

and

the all-around best in-ring worker, psychology, athletically performing the moves, knowing what to do, blah, blah, blah.

He's 250 pounds.

He's a grown man.

People buy him as a badass.

He was big back when it was harder to be big than it is now, or harder to be presented as a main eventer.

It's a lot harder to be big now because nobody's doing it.

But

he reminds me of, remember when Nicholas Cage at one point had been in like the biggest box office bonanza movies in Hollywood and was a huge fucking star and somehow,

well, not somehow, through spending all of his fucking money and more, got incredibly in debt to the IRS and was forced to do people's home fucking movies practically?

This is what this felt like for Randy.

And

Randy Orton is not a guy who is

a sympathetic, a fuzzy, warm-hearted guy when it comes to the traditions of the wrestling business.

And I guarantee you that he at this point is saying, I'm traveling to fewer places than ever.

in my career.

I'm working overall less than ever.

I'm taking fewer bumps than ever.

ever, and they're still paying me seven figures a fucking year, and they want me to do this shit.

They're going to pay me to do this shit.

Okay,

what the fuck?

Because he is the viper, right?

The other guy, I'm not sure about, Bray Wyatt, I think he thinks this shit's good.

Because that whole fucking puppet thing and the fucking funhouse thing and the whole nine yards and the fact that they hit him with crowbars and wrecking balls and shove hand grenades up his ass and pull the pin.

And

he still comes back.

And this will be a good one.

Now, you know, did they give him his notice?

Are they finally done with the fiend?

Because they burned him alive in front of God and everybody, including all the fans on the screen.

So I'm wondering,

does that mean he's done?

Did they give him his notice?

Did they future endeavor him?

You know, they say the business was harder in the old days, Brian.

But goddamn, in the old days, all they did was job you out and maybe fuck you on your last check.

They burned this motherfucker alive to give him his notice.

That's stiff.

I don't believe they've given him notice, no.

Well, how's he?

What's he going to come back?

Is the fucking crispy critter from Canyon Creek?

What is it here?

Wait a minute.

Here comes a human piece of charcoal down the aisle.

It's the fiend returning.

So I think Orton did this maliciously for money.

Like, if you're stupid enough to get me to do this, your last fucking star, no wonder people are tuning out in droves.

I'm still making all this money.

Fuck you.

I don't know if...

His dad,

Cowboy Bob,

what he would have thought of this finish had they presented it to him.

Of course, that wouldn't have happened back in those days.

But the actual, last actual star that they created from our big class in OVW,

they're putting him in these ridiculous stipulation matches that make everybody either roll their eyes or laugh, or they're blowing up on Twitter.

Oh, look at this.

This is fucking stupid.

And

is that the goal here to take your last star and put him in shit that people will purposely fucking laugh at and make fun of?

As a business goal, is that a thing that you would want to do?

And somebody had to tell Vince, yeah, we're going to, can you imagine if one of us, whether it had been me or Bruce or fucking shit stain, it's, yeah,

we're going to actually set fire to fucking

Sean.

But, you know, actually, I could have pitched that one.

I could have given it my all, the big pitch.

We're going to set fire to Sean and burn him alive at the end of Raw.

What the?

He would have drug tested us.

You could have said that Kane did it.

And somebody said, oh, well, they were doing that before.

Yeah, they set Kane's arm on fire once, right?

Okay, yeah, and that's a fucking, they do the gel and all the shit and everything.

Well, that fit the fucking thing.

They set his arm on fire.

It's happened to people.

But it didn't mean that they set his whole body on fire and burned him to a crib.

And not only that, but an obvious

dummy.

They show him laying there, show him laying there.

And when Randy throws the fucking match, it's a goddamn mannequin.

It looked like a goddamn Three Stooges cartoon, but before they even broke away from Ted Healy for the old-time movie comics in the audience, when it was just a, they'd throw a fucking six-ounce dummy,

plastic or fucking styrofoam dummy off a roof dressed as somebody, and it floats in the breeze, and that's the body that's flowing.

It was obviously fake, obviously not

remotely the same human being we had just seen there.

Which means Randy's when you do something,

and folks, the reason why I'm saying with your one of your last stars or your last star, why would you do this?

Because when he's in on it, which he obviously was,

it drags him down too.

People don't then,

it's all subliminal and it's also cumulative.

Nobody's going to, well, some people actually,

by Twitter and things, actually have said, fuck it, this is it for me.

This is the straw that broke the camel's back.

But

these stupid

any one of them may not

mentally turn a longtime fan off to the star or to the business, but cumulatively they do.

And generally the fans that are most disgusted remember the high points.

May Young,

you know, sharts a fucking hand out her fucking twat.

Somebody gets burned alive in the middle of the fucking ring at the end of a pay-per-view, et cetera, all the goofy shit.

And

over time, even a star the level of Randy Orton,

who has

goodwill built up with the fans,

the way that they think of him, that he is a star on the level of, you know, maybe the

Austins and the fucking, you know, upper level of the world, certainly the Cenas and the Batistas and the blah, blah, blah.

But then the more they see him in shit like this, the more that that goes around around.

That then, when you bring up Randy Orton's name, whether they say to somebody else, oh, yeah, I saw that thing he was in, or they just think to themselves, yeah, he was in that goofy thing where they set the fucking mannequin on fire.

And over a period of time, the subliminal message that you are delivering to people when you put your stars in positions of doing stupid shit like that

is more of the silly, ha ha ha, you know, yeah, I gotta that fucking thing and less of the, wow, it was Austin austin and rock and fucking zena and here came the big

the good memories get lost because the good memories are how the guys got over

and now they're having more bad memories of guys doing stupid shit with other people that ain't over or is implausible or is just goofy or they expect me to believe it which by the way did somebody tell me ray mysterio grew another fucking eyeball

has this happened Oh, I don't know.

I thought he was wearing a mask with an eye patch over, not eye patch, covering over his eye, but I don't know.

I saw several tweets here a few weeks ago to the effect of they'd seen Rey Mysterio with a brand new eye.

I don't know.

Maybe he got a glass eye, but the point of that shit.

Loser, first, the winner has to take the loser's eyeball out.

Well, fuck you.

Yes, that could happen in a fucking bar fight.

And yes, it's happened in wrestling, both unintentionally, Stan Hansen and Vader, and intentionally.

Numerous times back in the old days when things got out of hand, Ron Fuller can tell you all about it on the stud cast.

But you can never advertise that as a stipulation and get anybody to do anything but roll their eyes.

See what I did there?

It's just fucking silly.

And so these, anyway, these writers justifying their fucking

paychecks by coming up with this preposterous horseshit because they've never actually been in the ring or have any respect for wrestling, combined with the fact that now, since there's no people in the building, they can just say, cut.

It's what they've dreamed of.

Instead of them getting into the wrestling business, they've made the wrestling business get into their fucking phony ass TV business.

I don't blame the writers.

I blame Vince.

Well,

don't worry.

There's some more blame to go around.

That's what I said a minute ago.

Can you imagine us saying that 25 years ago?

Let's set the gun fire or whatever.

He would have drug tested us.

Now somebody needs to give Vince one of those cognitive tests because this got by him too.

Somehow they convinced him this was a good thing.

Well, we've just thrown all pretense out the wind of Vince.

We'll just burn one of the top talents.

And then maybe Vince had the same response I did.

Well, is he still under contract?

We'd like to use him more if he is.

And then they'll say, well, we'll just, but how are they going to resurrect him?

Have they been watching the old Frankenstein movies?

He got,

he didn't even fall into the sulfur pit or the fucking glacier where he could be frozen in the ice.

He was in the ring there on fire

like a goddamn

the last hot dog on the fucking grill that somebody forgot at the Fourth of July picnic in front of everybody until motionless.

He had to be motionless.

It was a mannequin.

You want to go over this thing, some of the highlights of this thing?

Let's do that.

Let me take a drink of Sprite Zero to wash some of the bile out of my mouth.

Here's the thing again.

In an empty building, they've got the piped-in crowd cheering or booing or whatever from the start of the whole thing from the entrances.

And I understand the guys are, they still have the guys do entrances even though there's no people there they're milking for it randy

did the okay ufc fucking

you know psych up

all intents thing which would work if it was if it had in any way been a fight that he was advertised or scheduled to be involved in but they made it silly right off the bat like part of your opponent on fire blah blah blah And then the fiend entrance with the blackout and the effects and the skull mask.

Here's the thing.

If all of his matches weren't so obviously phony and all the preposterous things that they run over him with, that he doesn't sell and he's has his head caved in and doesn't sell, and if he didn't do all the segments and promos with the puppets, it's so obviously phony and requires the cooperation of all of the opponents and et cetera, to be going along with this thing.

His entrance just standing alone would be cool.

It's a cool fucking mask.

It's a big fat fuck in the fucking leather, the lights, the fucking lantern with the skull.

The entrance is my favorite part.

He loses me on everything else.

At the bell, they just looked at each other like they're in this fight to the death.

I timed it.

For a minute, they kind of circled around and then Randy sucker punched him and no sells it.

And it took Randy like six minutes to get in the ring and well yeah

that's another thing i think they're thinking you know randy's thinking i'm getting paid for for this the same thing no matter how slow it is or how much i can avoid of the doing of this but yeah you're you're right it was eternity before they got there and got started with anything

and then

okay so they've got the fiend is not selling you know the fiend at this point reminds me, or as at this point early in the match, reminds me of when

Lawler was booked in Memphis and was stuck for a, he couldn't get Bach Winkle in, or he was stuck for a fucking heel.

And Duke Myers in the territory.

I got a horror mask.

Put him at the mega, the Colossus of Death.

And that's the way he'd work with him.

It's a big fucking guy in a mask, probably padded, so he's not selling the punches.

And he's, you know, fucking physically overwhelming.

And then, but that was,

that was Jerry Lawler stealing a house on one of 52

Monday nights at the Mid South Coliseum.

That's not a pay-per-view main event picture that you want to fucking see with your top guy beating up or trying to beat up this guy in a fucking horror movie outfit, and he's not selling him.

And then when the fiend takes over,

the quick camera cuts in the fucking corner.

My God, I was becoming physically ill.

You know, we haven't even talked about that really specifically in a while, but another reason beyond the really bad creative, beyond the presentation, beyond the commentators, another reason why a lot of people have a difficult time watching their shows is the camera cuts, which are excessive is a nice way to put it.

It's non-stop.

It's on every move.

It's on every punch.

They'll switch the camera.

Well, they're trying.

I mean, it looks like the old fucking fight scenes in the fucking 66 Batman series where

they're in the heels lair.

They've got the Dutch tilt where everything's a bit off fucking kilter.

And then the fight starts.

And the only thing they're missing is the goddamn pow and Zowie sound effects written out on the screen because they're.

Some of these guys need smoke and mirrors, some of them don't.

But either the quick camera cuts when there's action to make it frenetic or just the overall, the overly

obviously rehearsed and staged camera shots where they're just perfect every time where you see what you're not supposed to see before you it

this they've stripped any fucking spontaneity out of this anyway um

the fiend did a head palm shoot off and randy orton went with it

and ran back into a fucking headbut.

I was like, God damn, Rip Rogers would have cussed Randy Orton like a fucking red-headed stepchild for that if he'd have done that in class.

I was wondering why the fiend was dressed like a biker doink, but I found out later on in the finish.

Go back and look.

He looked like fucking doink.

Joined the goddamn sons of anarchy.

Orton was wearing a track suit.

But see, that's another thing, the visual.

Here's a guy dressed like a biker doink or a horror movie fucking creation of Jerry Lawler's in Memphis on a Monday night against a big star for the past 20 years who's in the ring wearing a track suit.

And visually, is this a WWE pay-per-view main event?

And

it looked like a

training match or a training match on Orton's part and an outlaw match on Fiend's part.

And of course, is it what Orton's wearing a thing?

Because there's fire everywhere.

Well, yeah, guess what?

He probably said, I'm not going out there in what I normally fucking wear when I have to do these spots this close to this fucking fire.

Anyway, Fiend was then turned the fucking fire on, by the way.

Were we supposed to think that he was controlling the fire mentally or that there was someone there who, whenever anything happened, boosted the flames?

Well, and then somebody else, by the way, fuck you before you even say this.

Well, Kane did it with an Undertaker to do his pyro.

Yeah, on your entrance, when you're a big star on a television program and you make a motion, I can believe they'll blow the fucking pyro off for you, right?

And it stretched credulity

when they started being able to do it on the unplanned run-ins.

But when one of the participants in the match has obviously fucking paid off the goddamn pyro guy to be in his pocket and help him in his fight during the match by blowing the other guy or setting him on fire.

You know, what the fuck?

And then it just started going off just to, it was almost like Vince was back there, like his fucking,

he's so, he's like wanting to juice it up, right?

Like he's got his

like a junkie with his finger on the morphine drip.

He's saying, yeah, hit the flames again, hit the flames again.

That makes it more exciting.

Boom, boom.

And that fake crowd noise pumped in the whole match.

Yes, just incessant.

And did you, the fiend gets the leather strap from under the ring and whips Randy Orton with it and then throws that strap down and then reaches under and gets another strap that he pulls up and you can see the flame gels on it.

It's the flammable stuff they use for in the

Hollywood for this type of thing.

And he lights it on fire.

He's holding it out and he's he's going to whip Randy with it, but Randy moves.

So then the fiend swings at him and misses with an axe.

They expect us to believe

that he was going to hit him with the fucking axe, full force.

And by the way, and there's no referee in this thing.

No wonder that they're hemorrhaging.

viewers include now they're down to the people that have been with them for a while and diehard WWE fans and they're losing those people now because this doesn't even resemble what the fuck that they were doing or supposed to be doing and like I said putting Orton in this just devalues him for the smaller and smaller audience

that when Fiend pours the gasoline on a rocket chair sets Orton in a rocket chair and tries to set him on fire but Randy wakes up

Just in time, but then the announcer said that made Randy snap.

And he actually made Fiend sell by beating him with a fucking

size chain you use for a Tennessee chain match.

He wraps it around his fist.

And that would have broken his fist too.

The old days, it was a little dog choker chain.

Was this around the time when the announcers started whispering?

Yeah, well, yeah, then they're doing the hushed.

It's not a golf announcing, it's the hushed funeral procession.

Like fucking, and here comes Jackie with JFK Jr.

And it's so fucking,

and the announcers are dead.

I mean, they're just flattering a plate full of piss because they're calling this like it's actually plausible, which is obviously the job of wrestling announcers, but they're in a no-win situation here because.

If you call, if you are an announcer who's calling this in any way plausible, that one of these motherfuckers is really going to get set on fire,

you're fucking buried.

So they've given them no way out.

The faces of the fans in the Thunder Dome weren't even reacting.

They weren't moving.

They weren't cheering.

They weren't smiling.

One guy in one of the close-ups, when they were out on the fucking floor, was giving a double thumbs down and suddenly, boom, some girl popped up in his place.

But you couldn't even pay attention to the

match.

that they were having with all the fire explosions and the fake crowd noise and the ridiculous stipulation you were fed to begin with and the rotten announcing because it was so preposterous and no referee.

So it's not even in any semblance of a

and

there's no way you could get involved in this.

It was just two guys doing shit maybe in Puerto Rico.

They liked the fire in Puerto Rico or if Oneida still had a company in Japan.

But you couldn't get into this as any kind of legitimate or even illegitimate conflict.

This was more than just a bastard child of wrestling.

This was not even related to it.

It was just,

they've lost the plot.

And so finally, then Orton pushes Fiend into one of the fire trays

and he catches on fire his specially prepared heavy leather jacket and six layers of leggings and the places where they put the stuff on.

And

more power to him for doing that.

I don't want them to set me on fire, even if it's professionals doing it.

But then they set him on fire and he runs into the ring so our Orton can RKO him

while he's on fire.

We all know what you're supposed to do is stop, drop, and roll.

Yes, well, he didn't stop.

He ran and then he got dropped and then he just rolled over.

Rock and roll over.

Who was that?

What album was that?

I don't know.

Rock and roll over.

Was that that Kiss?

I don't know.

I can't remember.

Well, one of the brilliant musicians out in the audience is going to tell me.

But anyway, and so, and Fiend sold that, believe it or not.

So, boom.

So, Randy wins.

He set the guy on fire.

Orton's distraught.

And then goes out and gets a gas can and pours it all over the Fiend.

And one of the announcers says, what's Randy going to do?

What the fuck do you think he's going to do at this point?

He's pouring gasoline on this motherfucker.

Nobody comes out.

The cameramen keep shooting.

Wherever the announcers are hidden in the Thunderdome there, they're not trying to do anything.

There's no official of any kind.

And

oh, and Orton gets the gas can, pours it over him.

He goes out, and there's a box of brand new long-stemmed matches sitting carefully placed on the railing.

Everybody knows that one one of the standard pieces of equipment for a wrestling shoot is a box of brand new long-stem matches sitting carefully placed on the barricade where the keeps the ringside area away from the fans who aren't present.

And then he lights him on fire.

And the fake explosions went crazy.

In the classic days of professional wrestling, there was so much that promoters hid from the fire marshal.

But this has taken things to a whole nother level.

How many death threats do you think Orton's going to get for this?

Zero.

Of course.

I say this all the time:

that the more you see something, the more that something is prostituted, the more that something is made to mean less, or the people are numb to the reaction, or whatever the case,

the overall, the less it means.

You lose another tool in your toolkit.

And this is a classic example.

I

threw a fireball.

And to this day, people, most people still don't know how that was done.

And I'm not going to reveal the fucking secret here because you can go back and watch it on YouTube or whatever.

Boy, people have loved it for years.

One of the great fireballs.

But I throw the fireball in Ronnie Garvin's face.

He fucking goes down.

Boom.

His face smolders for about 15 seconds.

The place is a scene of chaos.

His brother turns babyface to fucking help save him.

They take him to the hospital.

They're worried about his eyesight.

It legitimately did burn all of his eyebrows and fucking a couple layers of his cheeks and forehead off.

They just say on television, my God,

Cornet set Ronnie Garvin's face on fire.

Here's the tape.

Boom, they play it.

I get multiple death threats.

I printed some of them in the Midnight Express book.

I've got some of them hanging on the wall here in the office.

People went berserk, like I legitimately had attempted murder on this fucking guy and tried to end his career.

And he was out for, well, they keep him out for two weeks, maybe.

I can't remember.

And he comes comes back and the people, and in multiple places, paid, especially in Charlotte, we drew, what was it, over 7,000 people to see me versus him just so he could beat me up.

Nobody was laughing about that.

It wasn't humorous to anybody.

It drew money for fucking months with Garvin and Wyndham against the midnight and me and Ronnie and Jimmy Garvin joining the fucking fray and the Garvin brothers.

Well, this was stupid.

Their own fans that watched the shows made fun of it.

And

if people do remember it in a month or two,

which I doubt,

the company probably should be ashamed of themselves that they did it to begin with, that people will remember it after that time.

They should be hoping that people forget about it.

I don't know what the fuck has happened with Vince.

I guess Bruce has just rolled over and said, fuck it.

I'm just going to fucking,

you know, let them do whatever and pitch it to Vince because that's my job.

Because basically, he takes whatever I would assume that they come up with and he's just the one that has to sell it to Vince.

Because he's the only one that Vince will listen to.

Because as we've mentioned before, Vince thinks that Bruce gets it.

And it is whatever Vince wants.

I don't fucking know.

It's been every match we've seen Bray Wyatt in this year.

There was the Firefly Funhouse match at WrestleMania with Cena.

There was the, I don't even remember what the name of it was, the Swamp Match with Braun Strowman.

I think it was the Swamp Match.

Here's the problem.

They do so much of the stupid stuff.

I don't even remember now who drowned.

One of them drowned in that match, and I don't remember which one.

You know

remember it ended where the water turned red and yeah who was it which one of them was it it had to be it had to be strowman because how could bray wyatt you lose his own swamp match why he'll never be allowed back in the swamp again

why and and ernest t bass is the head of the swamp committee down there.

He wouldn't let him back in the swamp if he lost a swamp match.

I have another question about wrestling.

That was my gimmick for Billy Black and Smogy Mountain Wrestling.

If he has stuck around long enough, he was a fucking swamp bastard with a fucking burlap sack of who knows what over his fucking shoulder.

And he fit the part, that South Georgia fucking hillbilly-looking, fucking talking son of a gun, and he wouldn't stick with it.

But he went on to have a long and successful career.

Oh, shit.

Anyway.

Well, I want to ask you a follow-up question, but first, let me just give you this brief report about what happened after the event.

This is from the Wrestling Observer website by Brian Rose

about last night's Monday Night Raw.

Orton came out on tonight's Raw and explained that he liked what he did the previous night.

He said that a normal man would have regrets over setting a man on fire, but the fiend was not a man, and Orton was not normal.

After Orton declared that the fiend was no more, the lights went out

in a manner similar to when the fiend appears ringside.

Instead,

it was Alexa Bliss swinging on a swing set inside the ring.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

What?

This is why I don't watch.

She joked that The Fiend could be at the beach as he looked a little pale, or he could be at his favorite restaurant eating barbecue.

The end of the segment had Bliss warn Orton that if the Fiend did come back, he would be unlike anything he had ever seen before.

So now they got Alexa Bliss talking for the fiend.

Is this what you're saying to me?

Well, I think there had been some involvement for a little while, but we haven't been watching the show.

But I didn't know about the lights going out and coming back on, and there's a swing sentiment.

That's new to me.

That's new to me.

You know,

I don't.

sometimes it's a tantalizing proposition to think what I could verbally do to a fucking garbage show like that, but I'd have to watch it to completely rip it apart.

Do you think the authorities have dropped the ball not apprehending Randy Orton for murder?

Well, now here's the thing.

Do they have evidence?

Because

as we clearly saw on the telecast, he didn't set fire to a real person.

He set fire to a phony-looking fucking mannequin.

So I don't think there's a...

So a lot of people have said this.

Should he be apprehended?

Should it, you know, should the authorities be called?

But I say no, because the evidence is so flimsy against him because all he has to do is point and say, look, that looks faker than a football bat.

And they'd have to go, well, you're right.

That's pretty fucking fake.

Is this the new trend in wrestling, though?

We know that Impact Wrestling did a big murder mystery between this and whatever happened in the swamp that we can't exactly recall.

Remember that, and they said that Lucha Underground was a trailblazer in this type of fucking horse fuckery because they were killing people and resurrecting them and all kinds of bringing them back to life and then killing them again over and over again.

They were doing that a few years ago because of the, you know, the fucking, they were right there in Hollywood with all the TV writers.

They were ahead of the curve on this.

Now, all the wrestling writers want to catch up on it.

So everybody, Impact

shot the groom,

WWE

burnt the fiend.

Eric Clapton did not shoot the sheriff, but he did shoot the deputy.

Well, Bob Marley.

No, he shook.

Bob Marley did it first.

Well, that's true.

Bob Marley shot the sheriff, but he didn't shoot the deputy.

And then Eric Clapton tried to take credit for it.

I don't know if there were any convictions.

Does Matt Hardy's drowning in the football field match count, even though he came right back to life as a different person?

No, his career had been dead long before that.

So I guess, yeah, so now, you know, it's like, fuck, it's a dangerous profession.

You can be murdered at any point.

You know what?

Shawn Michaels would call this an unsafe work environment.

Can you imagine just because fucking Brett beat him up?

He didn't even get a chance to beat him up just because Brett roughed him up.

He said it was an unsafe work environment.

Imagine if he was subject to being murdered whenever he came to work.

Why, he would have been fucking just all upset.

Jesus Christ.

Well, like we said at the top, we promised if anyone did anything stupid, we would have an update.

And here it is.

This will continue now for the next couple of weeks.

If anyone does anything extraordinarily stupid, don't keep saying that, which unfortunately happens quite frequently in the world of professional wrestling.

We will never have a break if you keep saying that.

Or we're going to have to raise the level of stupidity,

the level of the stupidity bar.

I think it's as far as it can go right now.

It has to be stupider than this.

Whatever somebody does has to be stupider than this.

Let's give ourselves some fighting chance to not have to do this constantly.

I've seen a grown woman, as a matter of fact, an overgrown woman screaming about her hole.

Nia Jax's hole has become the most entertaining thing on WWE television.

I'm in a good mood this morning.

Well, since you opened the door

or opened the hole,

was it the back door or the front door, Brian?

You know, a few years back in TNA, I believe it was still TNA.

It wasn't just impact yet, and it certainly wasn't Global Force at that time.

There was a match, Shelly Martinez versus Reba, or Rebel, as she was then known.

I remember this.

Where Shelly Martinez.

I wasn't there, but I saw it.

And you heard it because in the middle of the match, Shelly Martinez starts yelling out, my Vadge, my Vadge,

which, you know, Mula never did that.

At least not in the ring.

I think what had happened was the other young lady, who was Shelly

Reba.

Reba.

Yeah.

Yeah, Reba,

had grabbed her tights by the

elastic tights or the spandex tights or whatever by one of the leggings or something.

It had given her the old atomic wedgie there in the wrong place.

Dundee did that to Miss Linda one night in Memphis,

not on purpose, but no, it was me and Adrian Street and Miss Linda in a three-on-one handicap lumberjack match with Bill Dundee, same one that he threw me out of the ring and I got 20-something stitches in my fucking cheekbone.

And the idea was the lumberjacks had belts, and if you took a bump out, they're going to whip you.

But But the lumberjacks are Stan Lane, Steve Kern, the fabulous ones, Jerry Lawler, and Terry Taylor.

So it's all babyfaces.

They're going to whip the shit out of us and treat Dundee like he's, you know, wrapped in bubble wrap, right?

And at one point, Linda rolls out and they start, you know, they're taking it easy on Linda, but they're fucking with me and Adrian.

But they're whipping her legs and everything and she tried, she tried to roll back in and she got kind of hung on the apron and Dundee reached over like he was going to pull her in and grabbed her.

She was wearing a full bathing suit apparatus type of thing, like Moolah used to wear, right?

But as he grabbed the seam of it some kind of way, it just went

right up there.

And the whole front row was looking at a hustler centerfold spread of Linda.

And I didn't see this.

My attention was elsewhere as we were running around trying not to get shit whipped out of us.

So was Adrian's.

And I run back to the apron in our corner, and Linda's down, and she's got her face covered, and she's like taking quick breaths.

I think she's crying.

Maybe she's been potatoed in the face.

I'm like, Linda, Linda, what's wrong?

And she's covered up because she's fucking laughing.

She said, I just flashed the whole front row.

But sometimes these things happen with your holes.

Where were we going with that?

We were going to the big hole herself, Nia Jax.

So apparently on Monday Night Raw, the day before we are recording this, on our new schedule for this week at least, for the drive-thru, Lana and Nia Jax, the feud that just won't stop, continued in a match on Monday Night Raw.

And during this match, and this clip has gone viral, and we've received countless, maybe too many questions, wanting your opinions on this brief moment in wrestling history.

Nia Jax.

Fell onto the apron ass first

and then said my butt

and then said my hole.

Any thoughts or comments?

Did you see this?

Well, yeah, not only did I see that particular incident, but I saw several minutes of this contest.

I assume the majority of it.

I don't think they didn't go like 45 minutes or an hour on this one, did they?

But

you know, every now and then

they went two out of three holes.

Oh, God.

Wait a minute.

Hold on here.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Oh, what an up.

Every time I sigh, people know it's coming.

But so they did this whole long program between these two young ladies with Nia Jax repeatedly, repeatedly, continuously, baby, over and over again, as in more than once.

On a wigly batheth, if you will.

Put Lana through a fucking table, right?

This is what they were doing.

Somebody said at one time it was up to a count of like seven or eight tables that Jax had put Lana through.

Am I correct on this?

I think it was at least that.

It may have been even more than that, but it was every single week for a while.

And we weren't watching, so we didn't believe it.

Someone said, Naya Jax has put Lana through a table eight weeks in a row.

And we said, how is that possible?

And then somebody.

And of course it's possible because her husband will have to go work for the competition, so they had to punish her.

But somebody tweeted out like a compilation video of crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch.

Okay, point is,

this is apparently the match where she finally gets her revenge.

And immediately after she wins this match,

is everybody talking about Atlanta?

No, everybody's talking about Nia Jax's asshole.

And it was a fucking, and it's a joke and it's a meme.

And Lana could have been fucking Atlanta Turner or, or, you know, Cheetah the Wonder Chimp.

She was just an afterthought in this because everybody's talking about Nia Jax's asshole.

And when you go back and you watch the match, the way they built into it,

this fucking giant

bohemoth,

Bohemoth, as Vince McMahon used to say, this giant bohemoth, Nia Jax, hits these one-armed giant choke power slams on little Lana.

Boom, looked like it killed her and probably did rearrange her intestine, made her liver quiver and her spleen turn green.

And then immediately she goes to give her another one, and Lana just comes back.

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, bing, bang, bing.

They take the most awkward.

I got to use quotation marks.

Can you see my air quotation marks, Brian, bump over the top I've ever seen?

She goes to give her the goddamn power bomb again, and she

on her head and staggers her.

And she looks like she's going to power bomb Lana over the top rope onto the table, but instead Lana goes upside down.

And I was waiting for her to lose her and Lana to really go upside down, but she held on to her.

And then Nia Jax throws one of those goddamn giant elephant titus-like legs.

over the top rope so that because there's no way that Lana's weight or lack of momentum at that point, or any way she's going to get her over this top rope.

So

Jax literally has to crawl over the top rope herself,

right?

And rolls over onto the apron.

And then, and then they tease that she's going to go through the goddamn table or whatever, but she doesn't.

And then she,

I will say this for the record.

Now, now that I've seen enough of this, because I've, I've defended her one time when everybody was on Nia Jax for Potato and Some Girl and I said, well, she walked into it, you know, turn around,

it ain't ballet, things happen.

But at this point, Nia Jax makes Ox Baker look like Ray Stevens.

She's practically immobile,

and so she misses the leg drop on Lana on the apron, boom.

and rolls off and gets mad and turns table over and sells her ass and screams about her hole.

And Lana's supposed to roll out and shove Nia Jax through the table.

It's leaning up against the barricade at Ringside to win the tables match and get her revenge.

And she shoves Nia Jax into the table and she just stumbles and goes so low.

She didn't break the table.

You caught that, right?

She just jammed the table up against the fucking barricade and collapsed the legs.

and was lean and because she's 392 pounds she just wedged it up there and it was standing up straight, but the table didn't even break.

And ding, ding, ding, and they just shot away from it.

And Lana wins.

And so

her win was completely negated to begin with.

The spot was blown.

Nobody remembers it anyway because everybody's talking about Nia Jax's hole.

So poor old Lana got fucked again.

She might as well take another one through the table.

At least she can break them.

I couldn't believe that.

Nia Jax may be the

I shouldn't say that.

Big Swole was active.

In the WWE, Nia Jax may be the single worst women's wrestler because she doesn't really add much.

And like you said, it's not just one time or twice or three times.

She is potatoed or just hurt girls multiple times.

And it doesn't seem like it's stopping.

No, the thing is, it's a bad comedy.

When you're that big, if she could move, it would be one thing, but there's no movement there.

And it doesn't appear that she can often control in which direction she's moving

or the speed of same or the fucking impact upon landing.

So

I don't know, but

can they get some merchandising out of this, you think?

My hole?

You think WWE is going to do my hole merchandising?

Well, no, Mick Foley tweeted about it.

This could be the next Austin 316.

Nia Jax, oh, my hole.

I thought it was bad when Kurt Angle came out and everyone chanted, you suck.

She's going to come out, my hole.

My hole.

No, no way.

They'd be going, you're hole, you're hole, you're hole, you're hole.

By the way, I got to say, Shelly Martinez certainly yelled, my vadge, with more urgency.

Well, I think your vadge was was really hurt, whereas Nia Jax was just working as she normally does, a day late and a dollar short with a lack of emotion.

My hole!

Shelly's vag was all fucking, boy, I tell you what,

I had to put a bandage on it myself.

No, I wasn't even there.

I wasn't even there.

It was on.

I'm sure it all worked out fine, though.

They had quality medical facilities and physician care down there in TNA at that point in time.

Can you explain to me

what's up with Alexa Bliss and

her pupils seem to be strangely dilated?

Had she just, or undilated, had she just been to the optometrist?

She's in a swing.

She's got the weird eyes.

She's challenging Randy Orton.

I guess she's under the spell of the fiend.

She's in a swing, did I mention?

This is ridiculous.

With fake crowd noise behind it, which makes it even more ridiculous.

Yeah, that's why would there be when we know there's not a crowd in the building,

why would there be crowd noise behind a pre-taped interview in the locker room or backstage area?

I can't explain any of it.

I will say that apparently this is one of the big matches on this weekend's WWE Fast Lane pay-per-view event.

We're advertising Alexa Bliss against Randy Orton.

That's right.

Well, good.

That saves me a lot of time because I have to do a bunch of orders this weekend.

We're not going to watch it?

You can watch all you want to of it.

I've got work to do, and if they're advertising Alexa Bliss versus Randy Orton, that's a good reason for me not to watch.

Well, you don't know what could happen.

She could turn into a giant monster or something.

What she does in her personal life is no affair of mine.

Well, that wasn't the only clip I sent you, which was apparently, seemingly setting up a match for WWE Fastlane.

The Shane McMahon segment, I think, may have been as well.

Okay.

And I've said I like Shane.

Shane's my favorite McMahon.

What a guy.

And he's in great shape.

He's in his 50s now.

He stays in great shape.

He inherited the workout ethic from Vince.

I don't know that his music fits him now.

The money, money, money.

He's not coming out dancing and doing the shuffle.

But

I didn't understand what the

Braun Strowman.

And I know there's been, we didn't obviously see the interplay that they've had over the past few weeks, apparently, where Shane has been saying these awful things about Braun Strowman.

But Braun Strowman,

six foot, what, seven,

350 pounds?

Oh, maybe taller than that.

Maybe taller than that.

Is standing there in the ring.

He's called Shane out and he's telling Shane about how he's been bullied all his life by people like you.

Number one,

I can't imagine why or how that Braun Strowman could say with a straight face, I've been bullied all my life, just those words.

But what kind of fucking idiot, writer, or booker

would have Braun Strowman tell people he's been bullied all his life?

Do you remember when Andre came out and said, yeah, I've been bullied all my life?

It's the same stupidity like when these guys, I think the big show did it actually, when they come out there and despite being big stars on national TV for so long, they're broke.

They're afraid they're going to be fired.

You know, Stephanie would come out there and start yelling at everyone that I'll I'll fire you.

And they all cowered because there's no other job these people could ever have except for this one.

It's stupid.

Well, besides that, he's been bullied all his life by people like you who, by Ivy League school people.

How many Ivy League school people did Braun Strowman come in contact with?

Did Shane go to an Ivy League school?

Well, probably.

I don't remember.

I don't know.

I wasn't particularly there when

Shane was in school.

But anyway, the point is,

so he's going through all that.

You don't give these big giants these human weaknesses.

Find you a little Ricky Morton-looking fella for that, but a 6'7, 350-pound giant.

I'm sorry, my asshole bleeds for him when he talks about how he's been bullied.

And then Shane apologizes,

says he'd never make fun of him, and then proceeds to make fun of him.

But the lines weren't funny.

So

if the lines ain't funny, what the fuck?

But

there was the invisible wall

that was stopping Braun Strowman from coming over and getting shaked.

Because they're 40 feet from each other at best, right?

And Braun Strowman's there having a meltdown in the ring.

It's not even an arena with security and all kinds of people.

He could just walk over there and snatch Shane McMahon if he wanted to.

But instead, he's flipping out in the ring until finally Shane accepts his challenge.

What universe are we living in now where

I understand to fucking cornering Shane into some kind of gimmick match, but Shane fully accepts a match with Braun Strowman just without any

trickery, deceit, being forced, being cornered.

And then when they actually have the match, he's going to run and

run scared from him.

But when he gets caught and gets bounced around a little bit, suddenly, before you know it, Shane is kicking a shit out of the six foot seven, 350-pound giant.

I like Shane as a person, and he is in excellent condition, and he's actually a tough son of a gun.

But in this world,

You're talking about a 50-plus-year-old son of a billionaire owner kicking a shit

out of one of your top baby faces who happens to be a six-foot-seven, 350-pound giant

just so he can get the elbow in off the top through the table again.

In what universe should this be happening?

And then to top it all off, after he leaves him laying there, leaves Braun Strowman laying there holding his ribs,

Shane goes under the ring, gets a bucket, pulls Braun Strowman up by his beard, trash

talks him, and pours two buckets of green paint all over the top of his head.

To signify

where does the green paint come in?

What is the green paint significant of?

He's green in the ring.

That's the only thing I can think of.

I have no idea what else it would signify.

Did they actually say the word paint?

I don't.

Well, that's what it was.

I was thinking green slime from Nickelodeon.

Well, I don't know if they said the word paint, but I'm seeing him with two buckets of fucking green paint from Sherwin-Williams pouring it all over the top.

As I told Vince one time,

might as well piss his mouth while he's down there.

Because you've been, Shane McMahon has beat this guy up, left him laying, and poured fucking paint all over him.

So, why should Drew McIntyre not be able to fucking break his neck like a biscuit?

I don't understand.

There were other clips.

I wrote them down so I wouldn't forget them.

Unfortunately, they're etched in my memory.

Why did you send me

Miz and Morrison arguing with R-Truth about their stupid fake 24-7 title belt?

Because once again, I thought Miz is actually doing a good job on the mic.

This is the Miz that I don't mind.

I didn't mind it there either.

I mean, he was well-spoken, but they're arguing with R-Truth about a fake belt that they make fun of on their own program.

And the only thing I like that they said that, you know, Bugs Bunny earned a Grammy, but he didn't earn that belt or whatever.

I agree with Miz.

Go do those things you're good at, Bugs Bunny.

But it's still,

if they're trying to get some serious heat on Miz, take him away.

Get him, don't have him interact with the goofy guy with the fake belt

that they make a joke out of on their own program.

Well, it seems like they're setting things up for Miz and Bad Bunny.

Well,

bad news.

So they had somehow advertised that Alexa Bliss had challenged Randy Orton and they were going to, I don't know if they ever termed it a match or just that's a challenge they're going to meet.

I don't know.

And that's what, that's where I mentioned they could do a package most of the time.

As soon as I saw the package,

it was preposterous.

Can you imagine somebody

God that's been in a coma

for 30 years that used to never never miss a wrestling program, and they've been in a coma, and all of a sudden they wake up, and this is the first thing they see: burning people alive.

An evil schoolgirl reciting nursery rhymes and in burning people with flamethrowers.

And

Alexa Bliss hijacks the fan screens in the Thunderdome and makes Randy Orton puke black sludge on himself.

And Orton on TV speaking to Orton,

standing there looking at the TV.

No wonder people hate this shit now.

No wonder people don't watch this shit anymore.

Who thought any of this would be good anything, much less wrestling?

What is wrong with these people?

The writers, the talent, the producers, the fucking Vince, himself,

anybody that doesn't just walk out in disgust.

No wonder nobody wants to see this, and that's why, and that's why nobody is seeing this shit.

Wrestling, nobody is watching anymore.

Fucking hell, we're talking about shows with 750,000 viewers winning the fucking Wednesday Night War.

And at first,

during the package, I had because

Randy Orton, one of my OVW guys, right?

And he's been a a phenomenal worker, and he's been a fantastic talent.

And I know how Randy is.

He just wants his check, and he's way past the point of giving a shit about any of this, the wrestling business or any of these people.

I'm sure that his

calculating personality indicates if they want to pay him millions of dollars a year.

For a very few days a month of acting like a fucking idiot and associating with idiots, he's taking this guy's check.

But here, right here,

is why wrestling is now a joke to everybody.

And there's less than 2 million people watching the big show.

And there's 750,000 idiots watching a school play on the other channel just because this shit's so bad.

And then Randy Orton comes to the ring, gets up on the ropes and pukes.

I thought he just watched the package.

That wasn't puke.

That was some kind of black slime.

Well, that's what upset puking black.

What is the thing now with slime?

The green slime, the black slime.

Who's behind this?

Kabuki?

Is it you, Kabuki?

Are you a warrior or an errand boy?

One of these writers went and saw some old 92 stuff with Papa Shango and said, you know, we should try this.

So

while Orton is at ringside puking, which is the reaction that we're all about to have, here comes this Alexa Bliss, all four foot ten,

90 pounds of her with the graphics, the Firefly fun house, the music, the skipping.

I hate it all.

I hate it all.

If I had ever been at a wrestling event where something like this took place, I would have either walked out or committed physical assault.

And then this was,

there was a referee there, but yet the referee disappeared at any moment that it was fortuitous for him to disappear.

And obviously, since it was the WWE, there was no point where

Randy Orton actually got his hands on Alexa Bliss in any kind of aggressive manner.

But at the same place, Alexa Bliss never got her hands hands on Randy Orton either, because it was a special effects match part of the time.

He goes for her, but suddenly the camera cuts and fire leaps up in front of Randy Orton and he jumps back, and then she laughs at a different shot.

Maybe whoever did that film school bullshit in a warehouse for AEWs shooting some of this.

And then Randy just runs 100 miles an hour at this little tiny little blonde girl who just pirouettes out of the the way and he posts himself and goes to the floor.

And then

this moved at a snail's pace where he's looking at her like he's all scared and creepy and he's like he's buying any of this shit, which made Randy Orton, of course, then look like a complete

foon.

And she's just backing away and he's creeping up on her.

Slowly, I turn step by step, inch by inch, minute by minute, hour by hour.

And right when he had almost crept up on her, or maybe crapped up on her, then a lighting grid falls from the sky because she twinkled her nose like Samantha Stevens.

She looked up and she looked down and some sort of poltergeist-like power caused the lighting grid to fall.

Right at Randy's feet.

And he says, are you trying to kill me?

I kind of, I guess that's what they were going for there.

And then nothing happened.

And then I was trying to think, who thought Alexa Bliss should be a professional wrestler?

How was that a good idea?

Maybe she could have worked with little darling Dagmar back in the day.

Then she shot another flare at him out of her fire-throwing bazooka gun.

And then everything came to a halt again.

And what I've just described here took, what, five, six minutes?

Easily.

Yeah, about it.

Seemed like forever.

But

then Randy's standing there when suddenly a hand comes through the ring behind Randy and grabs him by the foot.

And son of a gun,

wouldn't you know who won the pony?

The crispy critter from Cripple Creek has returned.

The fiend is back

to the cheers and adulation of absolutely no fucking body.

Stupid bullshit.

But now he's got a mask.

He's been burned.

so he's got a burn mask and a burned outfit and he comes through the ring

and is he and randy orton are then having a fucking stare why does everybody have stare-downs let me ask you a question if you are a person

that a real person and something real is happening to you

You are in the moment that something, someone reaches up through the ring and grabs you by the foot.

And when you turn around, you see that a person that you burned alive previously is coming up through the floor of the ring with malice aforethought and intent of injury in his eyes.

Are you going to stand there and have a stare down with him?

Are you going to jump out of the ring and assess this situation?

See?

Yeah.

So they have the stare down.

And what happened?

Alexa Bliss pushes Randy Orton into the fiend's finish.

Alexa Bliss covers Randy Orton.

A referee's arm appeared and counted three

with the Fiend standing over Alexa Bliss covering Randy Orton.

So now Alexa Bliss beat Randy Orton.

And apparently she upset Randy Orton's wife.

Did you see that?

I did not.

Well, the way she straddled him when she pinned him, apparently Randy Orton's wife wasn't very happy about that.

It went on Twitter.

Well,

that's the smallest worry

that anybody had.

I'm sure that's probably the only thing about that fucking abortion of a match Randy Orton enjoyed.

But with all apologies to Mrs.

Orton, there's bigger fish to fry going on here than whether your husband got humped or not in the finish.

The fact is, your husband just got beat by a hundred-pound girl in an obviously phony fucking bullshit match that was an abomination to pro wrestling.

There's your lead story, Mrs.

Orton.

God damn it.

So

there's a new rule, Brian.

I call it the blissful Orton rule.

Fuck everybody involved in this, and I have now written off Randy Orton.

Oh, come on.

He's an OVW guy.

I will never watch another Randy Orton match.

I'm just glad that Lawler's too old to get in the ring again, at least for the WWF, or they would put me off of him.

But no,

I know Randy likes the millions of dollars,

but I have to be fair and consistent.

And

no,

this is worse than the tooth and nail.

This was worse than football field fuckery.

I agree.

This was probably,

I can't think of what was worse than this.

I thought this was one of the worst things I've ever seen.

It made me angry that I was watching this show.

I I don't know who the audience for Vince McMahon science fiction is.

This was as bad a wrestling segment as I have ever seen.

And

I was pissed after this match.

And I thought it was the end of the show.

I forgot there was another match.

So I was like, well, at least that's the end.

I don't have to watch anymore.

But then there was another match and I watched it.

And it made me even more mad because as I'm sure we're about to talk about, that match

was great.

That match was, I could do with a little less of the run-ins, but that match was a great example of how wrestling could work.

A contest, you don't know where the finish is going to come from, not overdoing it with near falls.

Really, really good.

And if Daniel Bryan, you didn't mention the participants, Daniel Bryan and Roman Reigns.

Daniel Bryan and Roman Reigns.

And man, Daniel Bryan still has it.

He is fantastic.

But it followed this.

It followed this.

I'm lucky those guys didn't get swallowed up in the hole that flaming Bray Wyatt popped out of.

That just went away.

Some of the ring crew must have come down there and fixed the ring really quick.

How did they get that fixed?

I wonder that quick.

I don't know.

But

I loved that match and I couldn't enjoy it to the level I wanted to because I hated this

so

much.

It's not even about Randy Orton to me.

I've never been the biggest Randy Orton fan, but I can respect what his skills and talent are.

But everything with Bray Wyatt, anything he's involved with, even if he's only there as a spirit and he's not physically there, anything he's involved with,

go home heat to the max.

For me, there are wrestlers I've talked about before.

When I see the Good Brothers, go home heat.

I don't want to watch them.

I zone out.

But it doesn't make me want to throw the TV out the window.

Bray Wyatt and the supernatural.

Everything.

Everything he's involved in.

Everything.

The supernatural garbage.

How does Vince McMahon think this is good?

That's the crazy.

Because Vince doesn't put things on the show if he doesn't think it's good.

He thinks this is good.

This is excruciatingly.

Well, but he ain't coming up with all this shit by himself.

A lot of people are giving this to him because he thinks it's good.

Instead of saying, no, no,

I will not be a part of this.

And

And this is not the Vince McMahon I, once again, I worked with this guy, I was in a car with him forever

some days.

I was in his house forever some days.

If I had presented

anything like this,

he would have slapped me around and kicked me out.

I don't understand what's happened here.

But anyway, and as you said, Daniel Bryan and Roman Reigns, I love Daniel Bryan as a worker.

Roman Reigns, I have loved his work with Paul Heyman.

And I'm sure they had a wonderful match.

And if I'd have bothered to watch

after what that I just saw,

I'm sure I would have loved it.

But no,

I was not going to watch anything else.

I turned this off.

I deleted it as fast as possible so I'd never be tempted to go back and watch it again.

And that's exactly,

I would have to think that by the time that they got to the good match on the three-hour program, that a lot of people had already seen, you know, this is a fucking mistake and fucking zoned out or tuned out.

And if they stuck through it, well, then maybe they were rewarded with a good match.

But I didn't want to see, and that's why you had called me and said, now, I'm not going to tell you what happened, but just after the Orton thing, there's another match and it's really good.

So make sure you watch it.

I did.

And I said, okay.

You did.

And

when you told me it was Daniel Bryan and Roman Reigns, I said, okay, then I will look forward to that.

By the time I got finished watching what they perpetrated on the screen in the alleged,

I don't know what the fuck that was.

I don't care.

I don't want to see any more of anybody's matches.

I turned the fucking thing off.

I deleted it.

I will never watch Randy Orton again.

I've never watched Alexa Bliss before, and now I know why.

I already don't want to see anything involving the fiend.

And I didn't want to see any more, and that's what I was talking about earlier in the program also.

They penalize the people that go out and try to do it right

because the viewer is either so disgusted, so zoned out, so

apathetic about what's going on that they're not even paying attention anymore.

And just because I bought the pay-per-view, just so I can have it on my big TV in front of my comfy couch, I know nobody else is paying for it these days, which is why I'm sure a lot of people had turned this thing off by that point.

Why would you watch that?

I was close to turning things off.

It just so happened I had it on mute and I was doing something on my computer and I looked up and they were getting ready for the next match and I had forgotten all about Randy or Randy, Roman Reigns and Daniel Bryan because of, again, The poltergeist match we just watched, which was the worst thing.

And Bray Wyatt, maybe the worst wrestler.

I shouldn't even say the worst.

He's the wrestler I despise the most in the business because anything he's involved with, including, like I said, he doesn't even have to be there.

If it's just surrounding the world of the fiend and Bray Wyatt, it is bad.

And, you know, maybe there'd be some redeeming value if he was really good in the ring.

If you could say, yeah, okay, he's wearing a toxic Avenger mask.

And yeah, okay, it's a little goofy.

And I'm not into the supernatural shit.

But at least once the match starts, this guy can go.

No, you can't even argue that.

You can't even say this guy's good in the ring.

He was a really good promo, and then that went overboard with all this supernatural, spooky shit that just isn't good.

This is bad TV.

This is horrible wrestling.

How do we know if he can work, though?

Because it's all the bullshit

getting hit by sledgehammers and being blown up and coming back.

Because we saw him before that.

It wasn't always that.

Remember, for a while, he was like some kind of Cajun swamp master, and he had his brood of guys coming out with him, Luke Harper and Eric Rowan.

And it was very unique and very different.

And they had really cool theme music, and people kind of got into it.

See, I wasn't watching them.

And then the bell would ring, and you'd be like, man, this guy sucks.

Oh, well, see, well, then you didn't make me start watching this shit until after he was already teleporting himself into other dimensions in the Firefly Funhouse.

But I would have have had the exact same reaction as you if I hadn't just by chance noticed that Roman Reigns and Daniel Bryan were starting.

And then I watched, and it was an exceptional match.

It was great.

It made me realize how much more I enjoy the match almost ending because of submissions than non-stop near falls.

It creates a better match.

Edge was the ringside enforcer.

Eventually, since you didn't watch it, I'll tell you, Jey Uso ran in, interfered while the referee was down.

They kind of telegraphed the referee bump, and that's another story.

Then Edge got involved, and Edge hit Daniel Bryan because he wants to win the title.

And who knows if it's going to be a three-way at WrestleMania or just Edge versus Roman Reigns, but

this was a good piece of business.

I really, really liked it.

I would have liked it more if I wasn't already in a really bad mood because of Alexa Bliss versus Randy Orton.

Listen, Alexa Bliss and Bray Wyatt, just go out to Hollywood.

Just see if you can get any gigs out there doing a Rob Zombie movie or something.

But stop, please stop doing this.

Please go away.

Yeah, this should not be done anymore.

And yeah, well, I golly gee, I wish I'd have seen Daniel Bryan and Roman Reigns.

But maybe they'll ask to go on first next time so that they can be professional, have a match,

entertain some people, and then get out of the way while the fucking writers take over the show and send it into the toilet.

Bad.

Just really bad.

Speed trap.

WWE sucks so bad.

We go off on AEW

and AEW has their problems and they're significant and it's not a good wrestling show, but it doesn't make me want to gouge my eyes out.

It doesn't make me hate myself for watching it.

WWE, I hate myself after watching it.

It's really, really bad.

I really hate myself equally after watching both shows.

No, I don't think you can compare that.

WWE is much worse than AEW.

Well, do you want wrestling insulted completely and utterly like Alexa Bliss and Randy Orton, or do you want it insulted just a little bit at a time like every amateur outlaw, untrained goof making elementary mistakes every time they take a breath?

It's, it's...

I prefer that.

I prefer that.

Just the Chinese water torture rather than a right in the middle of the fucking face.

All right.

Well, I can see that then.

And you know, a lot of people now, after we've spent this time talking about this abysmal program, are going to say, well, they still like WWE better than, you know, it's like, I don't.

They don't listen.

I don't.

I will say it right here.

I like AEW better than WWE, but I think AEW kind of sucks too.

But I like it better than the really, really awful show.

The big suckage.

They don't listen anyway.

Because do you know what I had had when I critiqued the legendary women's main event of Dr.

Britt Baker and sir, goddamn name, Thunder Rosa.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Britt Baker and Thunder Rosa.

And everybody's like, oh, well, he just hates women's wrestling.

That's it.

When the whole basis

of my criticism, besides the fact that I said they did a good job of what they did, but I hate these kind of matches, whether men or women do them.

The whole basis of my criticism was comparing that match to another women's match that I did love, that I was thrilled with, and thought was the best thing on WrestleMania.

And I elaborated the reasons why I loved that match while did not love, didn't love this one

and why.

And they basically said my criticism of a women's wrestling match in favor of another women's wrestling match that I loved meant that I hate all women's wrestling.

Did I get that about right?

Yeah, someone actually emailed the drive-through.

I don't have it in front of me, but I saw it when I was going through emails before, and it said that if it was Terry Fung versus Jerry Lawler in that match, you would have raved about it.

If it was the exact same match,

no, I wouldn't have because they never fucking power bombed each other in thumbtacks.

Their shit looked real.

They were having a fight, and the furniture got in the way.

They didn't assist each other in setting the furniture up so that they could assist each other in falling through it.

There's a big difference.

And whether it's men or women that do it, it's just that the only thing you see today is

garbage matches with furniture or brawl matches where they go out at ringside over and over because that's all they do, but they haven't figured out how to do them or why to do them or when to do them.

So therefore, no.

I

can honestly say

that I would have blistered Jerry Lawler and Terry Funk also if they had stopped one of their incredible five-star matches to get a bag of thumbtacks and spread it out in the middle of the ring and take turns taking bumps in it on purpose.

To set up a table and then go back to the match?

You would have,

yeah,

it's fucking ridiculous.

Everybody's lost the plot.

Now, these fans

that think somehow that this product is wrestling today

remind me of basically of Shitstain because he never absorbed the context of wrestling.

He just superficially watched.

a bunch of guys on a screen yelling at each other and every once in a while somebody'd get hit with a chair or a coconut and that's what he absorbed and that's all and so now it's not

wow that was a great match because they had that street fight movie fight scene

in the context of this incredible one take performance of a of a fight in front of thousands of people on all four sides with you know no net it's you get one take it's live you've got to be able to convince them

And instead, it's.

Let's get coconuts in every scene.

Yeah, let's get a bunch of knuckleheads out there setting up some fucking furniture so and build some things in the ring so that we can take a big bump off the top of the ladder through it.

Fucking idiots.

And speaking of trains,

you sent me the clip of our friend Braun Strowman.

I'm going to join with Shane McMahon.

This guy has to be just a stupid son of a bitch.

He really does.

If I was a serious top main event star and competitor, and some editor

on the production team decided to drop in train choo-choo noises when I was doing my big run around the ring and shoulder tackle somebody spot on television, I would go and grab them by the neck and squeeze their breeches full.

But apparently,

Jesus Christ,

I thought it was a rib.

I thought that

had been added in by some wise ass on the internet, but that's the way they aired that segment of his match, was it not?

That was the way it aired on Raw, allegedly.

And I say that because I didn't watch because it's Raw, but as soon as it aired, immediately, like seconds later, the tweet started coming in.

Oh, my God, you have to show Jim Cornet this.

And I'm thinking, what could it be?

And I started seeing choo-choo noises, train noises, sound effects.

And I'm like, you know, I'm thinking, in what context?

I mean, his gimmick isn't the train conductor.

Like, how did this work?

And then I saw it and I said, well, wait a minute.

See,

it's very close because

train conductors say, all aboard.

And people watching Braun Strowman matches say, all are bored.

For the people who were lucky enough not to have witnessed this travesty.

Braun Strowman's wrestling Elias, and the other guy that's with him is on the outside.

And this is at the behest of Shane McMahon, who's still milking that bad knee so he doesn't get beat up by Braun Strowman.

And Strowman does the deal where he knocks the guys to the floor, and he rolls out underneath the ropes and gets a head of steam up.

He starts moving a little bit, and he runs around the ring and gives the big shoulder tackle, right?

And it's like a train running over you.

And when he starts, he holds his hand up in the air and starts his little running in place thing to get his some momentum built up.

And he goes,

and in an empty building.

And

sound effects.

Now,

I expect to see like on Batman, pow, splat, bam on the screen.

And here's the thing.

Have you ever seen a shittier looking shoulder tackle in your life than what he gives these guys?

They're taking bumps, flying over railings, flying through tables, acting like they've been hit by a goddamn 18-wheeler,

and he's barely touching them.

The first one, the guy that went over the desk, You saw he got his hands up and just pushed him over the desk.

And then he runs around.

He runs around to the other guy and he barely grazes him with his shoulder and the guy goes down like he's been hit by the fucking barge that's stuck in the Suez Canal.

Has anybody bothered to tell him, hey, here's how you do a shoulder tackle, pal?

Or are they, are they seeing something I'm missing?

Can you, you can see daylight coming through there,

and now that it and it doesn't look like a train, it looks like goddamn Fisher Price fucking choo-choo toy.

Now with sound effects.

Now with sound effects.

That's right.

That was ridiculous.

Who does that appeal to?

That's the other thing.

If the argument is, oh, well, this is for kids, I would get it.

However, based on the demos we see, kids aren't really watching.

I mean, that isn't the audience for raw.

It's older people.

Who is this for?

What is the target audience for?

Train noises.

And do you also think this speaks towards the importance of high-speed rail in this country?

I do.

As a matter of fact, I think that immediately high-speed rail should be put in place.

So anytime Braun Strowman wrestles, I can get on one of them things, get as far away as possible in the shortest period of time.

And it,

but.

And then, of course, then Shane ran away.

And they missed a golden opportunity because, of course, once that Strowman's got the guys down and he's after Shane, Shane has to throw the, Shane hits him with the crutch and he doesn't sell it.

And Shane has to run away on the bad knee.

It missed a golden opportunity if Shane had got to the stage and turned around and Strowman had called attention to it.

And then Shane had looked down and realized, oh shit, I was running.

But he just acted like, well, everybody knew it was, I was fucking ribbon anyway.

I don't,

I don't know.

I don't understand the whole thing, but now we've got sound effects.

Do you think

what you mentioned also about

are they children?

The audience is not children, but they just act like it.

WWE is adults performing wrestling for apparent children, and AEW is children performing wrestling for apparent adults.

The WWE fans are watching.

WWE because they actually kind of liked wrestling, and that's what they've got used to and they want it to make sense

and over on the other channel they're watching wrestling that they don't want to make sense

so i don't know who the adults in this room are matt riddle is no longer matt riddle now he's just riddle correct

and he's got no first name He's riding around on a scooter, not even a motorized scooter, but a little scooter that you put your foot on and push off with the other one and go buddin' buddin.

And apparently, from now, what I'm led to believe also magically birds fly out of his ass.

Birds fly out of something.

I'm going to pull up a clip so I can take a look at it, but I don't watch Raw, so I don't know for sure.

But from what I've been told, he jumped up in the air, spread his legs out, exposing

his taint and all of the surrounding area for everyone to see.

And then birds flew out of his ass is what I saw on television.

Possibly they were

run over.

Well, that's what I saw on the fucking clip from their television.

And possibly they were birds that were hit by Braun Strowman's choo-choo train.

I don't know.

Does he have a connection with, is he an ornithologist?

In his interview meeting with Vince, When he sat down and Vince said, tell me about yourself.

Is he the bird man of fucking

Cookamunga or wherever he's from out in California?

He's California sober.

I see that's a phrase now.

Maybe that explains Riddle.

That's the riddle about Riddle.

He's California sober.

Why are birds flying out of his ass, Brian?

Because Vince likes it.

Vince likes it that way.

I never once heard Vince McMahon say, you know, pal, you know what I like is when birds fly out somebody's ass.

I never heard him say that.

They're spending money on this.

That's not free.

Well, they're not real birds.

Let's just clarify for anyone who doesn't watch this.

No, that's what I'm saying.

They're computer-generated birds flying out of Matt Riddle's ass that they've obviously had some television technician

insert into his ass so that they can fly out when he jumps up and spreads his legs out in the air.

And that costs money.

So they spent money on on their television program to have birds fly to matt riddle's ass

multicolored birds too either that or they just shoved a bunch of white pigeons up there and he eats a lot of cheerios

is does he have a connection with birds

well i mean he's kind of dizzy so maybe there are birds circling around his head when i first read about it that there were birds in his entrance that's what my first thought was vince thinks this guy's some dizzy idiot let's have birds circling his head head birds are intelligent creatures have you ever watched a bird build a nest i have i'm not i'm not indicting the birds i dare you to build a house in the same time it takes a bird to build his nest well if it was the same size that'd be one thing but listen i'm not indicting the birds well don't indict the birds i'm saying the birds will get even you've seen that in cartoons

you've seen that in cartoons where someone's a little ditzy and they have birds flying around their head that's what i thought it was before i saw it and i realized they weren't flying around his head.

That's what the world you're talking about.

They're flying out of his ass, ditzy birds.

Not the birds aren't the ditzy ones.

Well, then, why are they flying around a ditzy guy unless they're ditzy too?

Wouldn't you want to fly around a smart guy if you were a smart animal?

Look, I can't make sense of this.

All right, so birds are flying out of Matt Riddle's ass, anyway.

He then,

and this was on Raw, and this was on live television,

walks up to Asuka

and starts talking to her about his scooter and whether they'd like it in Japan.

But he's got the scooter thing up between his legs like his giant dick.

And he's fondling the handle.

He says, you think they'd like my scooter in Japan?

And then he just started laughing and said, I'm sorry, and walked off.

He forgot what he was going to say on live television and busted the take

and left Asuka of all people standing there looking like the smart one.

The face she made at the camera like she had no idea what was going on.

By the way, whatever dialogue he forgot, I promise you it wasn't Shakespeare.

No, it wasn't going to be any good anyway, but at least he could have done it.

Or if nothing else, if he forgot what he was going to say, just say, hey.

Just wanted to tell you, good luck.

We're all counting on you and leave.

But just to be an unprofessional jack off and just laugh on live national television.

Again, the Vince McMahon I knew 25 years ago would have looked at somebody at Guerrilla and asked them how quickly that they could write that motherfucker out of every upcoming television program that

would ever be taped by that company.

Ever, ever.

But they just, oh,

he's so dull-witted and slow and stupid and unprofessional that he can't come up with a way to say, All right, well, I'll see you later, and pedal his little scooter on off and scoot on

out of there and scoot his ass on off.

Fuck these guys.

They think this is a goddamn joke.

That's why it is.

This will be a recurring theme through the program.

Every time we talk about these people, they think it's a joke and they treat it like a joke, and that's why it's become a joke, and that's why nobody's watching.

And if they think viewership is bad now, wait till people get another year or so of this shit.

And it was Orton and the Fiend.

And

I'll say this about Randy Orton.

He looks physically tremendous.

They did a history package of this thing, which I didn't watch because I knew we were going to get Firefly fun houses and flamethrowers and et cetera.

But the

I didn't want to see this to begin with, whether it was cinematic or a match, because it's already been

just so repugnant, this whole thing.

They burned this guy alive in front of us, but supposedly now he's come back.

So this is fake.

And they're not really mad at each other.

So why do I care?

And Orton's in the ring, and here comes the goofy music, and here comes fucking Alexa Bliss.

Ignorance is bliss.

And she skips to the ring to the stupid music and then walks up to a giant jack-in-the-box.

and turns the thing and the box pops open and out comes the fiend disproving my theory once and for all.

Everybody who comes out of a box is not over.

And he stood there, and I wrote at the time I'm giving this one more minute.

And he stood there motionless for about 50 seconds and then dove off the box and jump-started fucking the match and did the thing where he wrenched Orton's neck.

And Orton went down and sold it, and everything stood still.

And they kept the red light on.

And Orton was selling, and nothing was moving, and nothing was happening.

And then Orton rolls out on the floor.

So Fiend jumps out there and they do a little fighting outside.

And Fiend no sells the suplex on the table.

And Fiend no sells the DDT.

And that's when Michael Cole refers to the box-like structure at Ringside.

Another way of phrasing a box-like structure would be a box.

And Orton hits another DDT.

And then did you, after Orton hit the first DDT hit on the Fiend, the Fiend popped right back up.

Orton hits another DDT on him.

And then while the Fiend is on his hands and he's getting up, Orton stomped his fingers.

Now let me see just what we've watched.

Fiend has been set on fire and burned alive.

Fiend has had his head caved in with a goddamn sledgehammer.

Fiend has been, I think, didn't he get hit by a moving vehicle of some description?

None of these things could stop him, so Orton goes to stomp his fingers.

Maybe he'll tickle him next.

Tickle me, Elmo.

The Fiend didn't sell anything.

Barely anything happened.

The red light makes this impossible to watch without getting a headache.

You can't see what's going on.

I wrote, why am I watching this?

Flames shot from the ring posts

suddenly.

No, no, that's what

the fiend is going for his finish.

Sister Abigail on Orton after almost nothing has happened.

There's been so little wrestling.

I can't even remember the last time that this little happened in anything ever.

And then he's ready to give Orton his finish.

But he looks up, flames shoot from the ring posts, and there's Alexa Bliss in the Fiend's jack-in-the-box but she's sweating black shit

and it distracted the fiend from doing his finish so then orton gave fiend an rko

one two three he sold that

but why did his own girl distract him

from giving Orton the finish?

Did you understand any of this?

No, I have no idea what happened, why it happened, or any of the background.

And I went and I watched.

And you watched it.

And then Orton left, and then the lights went out.

As Fiend was staring at Alexa Bliss, the lights went out.

And when the lights came back on, they were all gone.

Nobody was there.

I wish that turned the lights back on and all the fans had been gone too.

That would have showed them.

So this was a complete waste of fucking time.

And that's it for me for the Fiend or Alexa Bliss and probably Randy Orton forever, WrestleMania or Nandy.

And Randy Orton's one of the best fucking talents in the industry.

But I don't want to see, and one of my boys, but I don't want to see him anymore because of the things they've done to him.

And I will never watch anything involving this fucking fiend or this Alexa Bliss again.

Just no.

This is the stupidest shit I've ever seen in my life.

A lot of people have been curious if you will take back your claim that anyone who comes out of a box gets over.

As I just mentioned, it disproved my theory earlier.

But he didn't really come out of the box.

He was coaxed.

No, fuck.

No, fuck all of this.

Just all of this.

Just everything that happened here.

It was all rotten, and we don't ever want to think about it ever again.

So, night one ends with this amazing moment.

Bianca Belair wins the world title.

She's emotional.

Her family are at ringside.

You see her crying.

It's like, wow, you know, wrestling can be powerful and good.

And then night two opens up with this.

Yeah.

This was really bad.

Embarrassingly bad.

And they've painted themselves into a corner where now this fiend is not going to make any sense no matter what he does because they've already, you can kill him but not hurt him, but then you can give him an RKO rko and he'll stay down but then he doesn't sell this so none of well he lost his power apparently i mean if i'm just going to try to guess based on this garbage the fiend lost some of his powers when the black ooze started coming out of alexa's forehead i i don't know maybe old blade marks i'm not sure but once that happened it appeared the fiend lost his power other than his power to disappear.

And that's why Randy Orton was able to beat him with the rather pedestrian arc.

All right, I'm going to watch Alexa Bliss the first time that black shit comes out of her minge.

Let me know.

Otherwise,

she's on my banned list.

Just like that word on YouTube.

None of this is making YouTube here.

Yeah.

Whoa.

All right.

It wouldn't be black.

Maybe just be brown with green pus.

Anyway,

so

we're now Bailey butts in on Hulk Hogan, Titus O'Neill, and Eric Bischoff.

With Hogan there, that was probably one of the deals.

He's like, Bischoff is like Hogan's little dog pockets.

He's one of the best friends.

So if Hogan's around Bischoff and he has to get his podcast plugged, somebody's got to do it.

But anyway, Bailey, again, she's being treated like a nobody.

She's a social climber.

She's lost her fucking marbles.

I don't know what's going on.

There was a girls' tag team match with Nia Jax and Tamina both involved.

And that was an excellent thing because I needed to make up some time to be able to meet our recording schedule.

And apparently, this took quite a while because it took quite a while on speed search for me to get safely past it.

Anyway, speaking of keeping going, I almost didn't at this point coming up next because that's when John Morrison goes to find the Lumberjacks locker room and opens the door and it's full of zombies.

We'll have more on that later.

Because then they go directly like

after you see

a room full of zombies,

then they go to the Usos in Rain's locker room talking real seriously about family drama.

And we're supposed to take that seriously after we've just seen a room full of zombies.

So

by them not even being able to fucking format this show properly, they have to

put guys that are on in the main event angle of the top guy in the company right after a room full of zombies.

Just to make sure that we remember that nothing you are to see tonight is in any way serious or important or you shouldn't give a shit.

Hey, you know who should be pissed off?

Roman Reigns.

Exactly.

Remember that pay-per-view you turned off because of Alexa Bliss versus Randy Orton?

Yeah, and missed Roman Reigns and Daniel Frank.

I was so disgusted.

This one that was a zombie.

Well, we'll talk about it.

Yeah.

And then Roman Reigns having, again, not to play spoiler, a fantastic wrestling match.

They keep doing it to this guy.

Roman Reigns, and Heyman ought to be pissed off, but he's not going to fucking register that because he knows the cause is lost.

But it's, it, you know, he obviously knows.

Paul E's maybe the smartest smartest guy there at this point.

He knows that it just makes Reigns look like a goddamn goof to be

if

Sir Lawrence Olivier

and

Lord Michael Redgrave

had a brilliant rendition of a Shakespearean drama as the last act on your fucking kids' fifth grade school play

would that be doing Redgrave and Olivier any favors?

Or

would that setting bring their performance down?

I think the setting would bring their performance down because everybody be sitting there going, why are these guys trying to be so serious?

This is a fifth grade fucking play.

Anyway,

and then after the Usos talk, Morrison is back telling Miz that the lumberjacks are zombies.

And of course, Miz doesn't believe him because Miz has been more fortunate than the rest of us.

He didn't see this shit to begin with, but as they leave, then the camera pans over and the zombies walk through, including Zombie Elvis.

And nominally, this was a lumberjack match.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's what you say, including Zombie Elvis.

Zombie Elvis.

It was a lumberjack match with Damian Priest against The Miz.

And this is why I feel bad for guys that actually, the few guys that still want to get in this business.

Because Damian Priest has been around for a while.

We found out he's, you know, he's in his 30s.

He's worked hard, obviously.

He's transformed his body.

And he's really got not only the personality of a star, the promo of a star, but he can work.

We've been a fan of his.

So just to make sure.

that he doesn't become the next face of the company, the next big star, they decide just because Dave Batista, who's never going to come back and fart in their face, whether they want him to or not, just because his movie is buying advertising, they got to bury a guy that might in the future be another star of the level of a Batista or all the ones they've lost,

just to fucking do this stupid comedy.

movie plug tie-in that some of their fucking comedy writers that if they were ever to be walking through the men's locker room or feeling a woman's private parts they'd be listening whistling stranger in paradise just because they think it's fucking funny

so

obviously the zombies surrounded the ring The announcers got scared and left, and they had smoke and weird music and Miz and Morrison, who, well, Miz has never been alive to be killed off, but Morrison I've always liked, but they're complete fucking bumblefucks now.

They're acting afraid of the phony zombies.

And the bell rang, and their newest star, Damian Priest, is now completely worthless.

Might as well pack up and go home and work at a goddamn car wash because he's in the middle of this shit and he's not a star yet.

He should be and he would have been, but they've decided that he's one they're going to sacrifice for their dumb movie tie-in.

So here's here's the problem.

They think that

they're so fucking got their heads so far up their ass that the WWE is the biggest company, publicly traded company and biggest wrestling promotion in the world.

And we are bringing wrestling forward.

And they said that AEW set wrestling back 30 years, which they do,

but not for the reasons that the WWE people think.

AEW has set wrestling back 30 years for the same reason that the WWE has set wrestling back 30 years.

Actually, since more people view the WWE matches, they've set wrestling back 50 years.

They've set it back far enough that it'll never recover both of those companies.

And not with blood or chair shots to the head, with fucking phoniness.

Burning people alive, pulling out their ping-pong ball eyeballs, zombies, crash pads,

transformations in ICE machines, teleportations,

obviously phony shit is what sets wrestling back, and both companies do it.

You know what we need?

We need more blood and violence in a convincing fashion done by professionals as part of an angle.

or the story of a fucking match.

Not the death match bullshit, which is just as phony in its own way.

A bunch of mutants, a bunch of fucking scummy human beings, trash, mutant freak organisms bashing each other over the head in an obvious cooperation fest

just to do it,

while another bunch of scummy, disgusting, scum-sucking pond dwellers watch it and some fucking

avaricious and greedy fucking slime ball promotes it, that's just as phony because it doesn't look anything like a contest or a struggle.

It looks like two fucking meth heads bashing each other over the head with shit and cutting each other open.

Not that kind of blood and violence.

We don't need any more phony shit of any of this.

We don't need phony silly.

We don't need phony comedy.

We don't need phony bloody.

We don't need phony violent.

What we need is somebody to take this shit shit seriously and somebody to present it seriously and athletes to have a goddamn match that you could fucking believe or not be slapped in the face with

that it's bullshit.

So I'm as far as what I'm concerned is both these companies and every other wrestling promotion in America to this point and the world

does in 90% of its activity is set the business back.

I can't even say back 50 years because 50 years ago would have been 1961, and the fucking business was drawing crowds through the roof.

Rogers and O'Connor in fucking Chicago drew 40,000 people.

So, no,

it's not even setting the business back.

It's just putting the boots to its corpse.

Everything is phony and silly in its own way.

And if you're not trying to make this believable, news flash, morons, there's no reason to do it,

Which is why it's such a goddamn chore for me to watch any of this shit anymore.

Because you can't believe any of it.

Even if you try, they will fucking kill your buzz in a heartbeat with more of this entertainment, phony, bullshit characters, blah, blah, blah.

So that's what I think of your fucking zombies.

I think that nobody on the WWE fucking writing staff needs to worry about zombies because zombies eat brains.

So therefore, they're invulnerable, that writing staff.

And

if I was there right now, I would go up to Vince McMahon and I would say, well,

much as that fucking idiot that you used to employ cost you $5 million in one night 25 years ago, when he killed off Dr.

Death with his stupid fucking brawl-for-all tournament, some fucking moron in your advertising department just ruined Damian Priest's career where you could have made a fortune off of him because he was standing in the middle of this horseshit.

But apparently nobody wants to tell Vince the shocking, awful, horrible truth that's right under their fucking noses.

So after I've finished writing notes on everything that I just said, I looked up and the zombies were eating the Miz.

So if he's really gone, it wasn't a total loss.

But if he comes back, I'm going to assume that either Miz had a twin brother or those weren't real zombies.

Imagine that.

They sacrificed Damian Priest for a movie sponsorship

and kill the rest of their fucking program where some guys were actually working hard.

But would you want to follow

zombies eating one of the fucking wrestlers, even if you were in the main event on a pay-per-view, Brian?

Or would you want to get on before that and get the fuck out before you got any on you?

Yeah, I would want nothing to do with any of this.

And that was my feeling.

So, there's the review that everybody's been waiting for.

This is why they sit here and wait for these reviews because we can't even enjoy watching a wrestling program anymore.

So, the only thing we can do is make fun of it.

I will say the zombies adhered to the lumberjack rules.

They stayed out of the ring until there was a finish, and then they came in the ring.

So a rather well-behaved set of zombies

in WWE.

No one went in the ring until after the match was over.

Well, as a matter of fact, you have a good point there.

They're better behaved than most of the talent rosters.

They're at ringside.

They don't get involved.

They mind their own zombie business.

I will say, Jim, there is a popular topic that a lot of people are talking about this morning.

And this is one of those casualties of you and I both completely dismissing Raw and never watching it.

We have to play catch-up now.

But apparently, there was a match, and I'm just seeing clips of it now: Charlotte Flair versus Nia Jax.

I believe Charlotte was the women's champion coming out of the pay-per-view we reviewed.

And

without knowing too much about it and haven't really watched it too much, people were sending in comments thinking it was a shoot.

Have you seen this at all?

Well, no, here's what we're going to do because my Twitter was

inundated when I got up this morning with people, Charlotte and Nia Jack's shoot fight on Raw or shoot question mark, or the word shoot was being bandied about.

And

the

clips that I'm not going to

go into too much detail at the head of this thing because we're going to dissect this in intricate detail.

But the clips that I saw, I'm fucking dying because no,

no, they didn't have a shoot.

What they had was an old-fashioned four-finger stinker.

And

it's just,

it's that I guess a lot of people have romanticized the idea of shooting.

And we've talked about this before, but we got so many new listeners.

Shooting, or is it did it turn into a shoot?

Or I'm shooting when I'm telling the truth, or

they don't know that there are degrees of shoot or friendly shoots or stages or just lack of cooperation or just lack of coordination

or just

there are a number of

stages of something

breaking down without it being a shoot.

But from the clips that I saw, I don't know that that many have ever happened in the same match.

I've said this before.

Nia Jax is the plowboy Frazier of women pro wrestlers.

There was only one plowboy was around for years and years, and he made some money in places or drew some money in play.

He had spot in the WWF, but I only saw him have good matches with one human being ever in the history of wrestling, and that was Lawler because he was the magician and he had the key to unlock every door.

But otherwise,

short of them booking her against Jerry Lawler, which I'm sure the king would would probably refuse that particular assignment.

I don't know.

I can't explain how she has managed to persevere this long

on that roster when other people have come and gone and been asked to leave.

Can you?

Who's her cousin?

Well,

at some point,

fuck, didn't

we had

a few fucking ancillary members of the Samoan family, I think, at one time or another in various training programs, and they didn't all make it.

And that's before any of them started making big motion pictures.

Well, that's true.

And she's not just a member of the Samoan family, it's Dwayne Johnson.

Well, that's true.

Oh, sweet God.

I mean,

at this point,

should the rock stage an intervention,

Nia,

whatever the Uso, Ooze, Kuz, whatever,

you know,

they just signed another fattu.

Did you see that?

Well, I mean, there's a bunch of fatus that are a lot better workers than Nia Jax.

So I'm not against signing a fatu.

No, I'm just saying they didn't sign Jacob Fatu.

It was a different.

I'm just the one guy out there.

But anyway, I'm not going to go.

Well, we're going to be going in a different direction.

But I asked you.

And I saw a clip, two clips, a shorter one and a longer one on Twitter.

And you got a clip of this match because I

hipped you to it or pipped you to it, or peeped you to it, or how do the kids say it?

I told you about it.

Or that, yes.

Yeah.

And

so we neither one have seen this thing in its entirety, but we thought for the people,

it might be an idea if we watched this and reacted in live real time to seeing the entire thing in context developing in full.

Because

as I've mentioned before, I think it's only natural to bring up a classic ghost of Mr.

Chicken quote, the horribleness and awfulness of this may never be forgotten.

Well, it may not be forgotten because I was shocked to see, you know, people started sending me images, but I hadn't watched it.

I didn't realize it would be 12 minutes.

How does it go for that long?

Jeez.

Well, no, well,

there's got to be entrances too, right?

So I don't know.

Well, we're going to find out on this thing because it could be even more rotten than we imagined, but

we're gonna talk about the rottenness of it and then we're going to

as as we watch it unfold in front of our eyes i've got my bleach right here standing by in the bottle and then we're also afterwards we're going to talk about the implications possibly of this and or why the fuck would they do this

that type of thing we're going to flesh it out with panel discussion with you and me after we watch this thing, right?

Right.

The same panel that's been here for the entire

run of the show.

We're going to have a panel discussion, you and me.

Okay.

If the other people on the panel just shut up, we'll have a real nice discussion between ourselves.

You know, that's what we ought to do sometime.

We ought to just announce we've got a panel show and every top of every show,

I introduce you and you introduce me and then we both introduce two or three other guests, but they're not there.

And then we just do the show and nobody else ever speaks.

Can we advertise that, you know, this week's panel includes Jim Cornett, Barack Obama, Arnold Schwarzenegger?

Well, what if, no, we could just do it like prospective guests, Barack Obama, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Charles Manson, whatever the fact, then introduce them, but they just don't have anything to add to the conversation and they never speak.

It's something we might get back with you.

What if you take one celebrity who doesn't like wrestling and you put him with one random wrestler that you you pick?

Well, but then we've actually got to do it.

That is a good show, actually.

Well, yeah, but I'm just trying to jack off here now.

All right.

Are we going to get back to this Nia Jackson, Charlotte, Obama Nathan?

Well, I can tell you I won't be jacking off to this match.

Even if you're in San Diego.

Even if I'm in San Diego, but we have this.

And again, we you don't want to watch the three-minute version.

You want to watch this whole thing?

No, we got to watch this whole thing in context and see what's going on here.

And so we can report to the people.

And now we're, folks, we're not encouraging you to watch this.

We're just going to give you our impressions from seeing this together,

Brian and I, for the very first time.

You don't need to seek it out.

We'll probably give you a good idea.

But if you want, by our description, you want to watch it, it was on Raw on August the 30th.

The 30th, yes.

A day that will live in infamy.

All right.

Well, if you want to do it, we have a link here that is approximately 12 minutes.

We're going to, not a traditional watch-along.

We're actually watching it for the first time in real time.

Yes.

And we don't care whether anybody syncs this up or not because it's not worth that, but it might be worth a tickle.

Well, Jim, as we said before, we have this entire video here, apparently 12 minutes.

We have it queued up so we can watch.

And this is 12 minutes from the opening bell, too, now we have confirmed.

So this could be interesting.

This certainly could be.

And we're going to press play.

Of course, this is not the traditional watch-along.

You can find it.

You could do it.

Whatever you want.

Just imagine it in your minds, ladies and gentlemen.

That's right.

But, Jim, if you're ready, let's press play on three.

And then I'll say press play now.

And then you press play.

I know.

I remember how you did it.

Damn it.

Just fucking just do it.

One, two, three, press play now.

Boom.

All right.

And Nia Jax charges at Charlotte.

Charlotte bails to the floor and gives her a woo.

Nothing out of the way so far.

No, looks like a traditional beginning of a wrestling match.

Charlotte acting like a heel.

I'm wondering if maybe they've made some kind of agreement.

They're going to try out their Brazilian jiu-jitsu tactics.

No, Nia runs for her again.

Charlotte bails out again.

I don't know what Naya was grabbing for there.

Well, she was trying to grab and hold up at the same time.

We have not seen a lot of manual dexterity in the past from Miss Jax.

No, manual dexterity is not frequently spoken of.

And right now, in that outfit that's mostly black leather, she's got lightning bugs circling around her.

She's so big.

Now, there is a little bit of mouthing off.

I mean, we don't know what they're saying.

It could be just work.

No,

it's a match.

They're trying.

Ah, there's a lockup.

They're trash talking and a lockup.

And

Charlotte's trying, but obviously, Nia Jax's standing her ground because she's as big as a refrigerator.

And now she backs Charlotte to the ropes.

Nice lock up.

Continuing the lockup.

Apparently,

somebody

was trying to say something that somebody wasn't hearing.

Charlotte just yanked her hair and she swatted at Charlotte.

Are they

a shoulder tackle that doesn't work?

And some mean faces and trash talking.

Try again with a shoulder.

Ah, but Charlotte goes the kick to the leg.

She's going to work the leg because she's a flare.

Charlotte Charlotte hooks her for what looks like a vertical suplex, but obviously that's not going to work.

I would imagine Nia Jax would reverse that.

They're both jockeying for position, and they're both hammering each other in the midsection.

Charlotte spins out, and Nia Jax gives her a headbutt so far.

This is one of those bowling shoe matches.

Are they potentially working that there's no cooperation?

What do you think, Brian?

I think that is certainly potentially what's happening here.

It It doesn't look like an outright shoot.

I've seen a couple of times where

very quickly in the ring, it's turned into one.

This doesn't look like it's so far.

We're trying to figure out whether this is the match that they've planned in the back, and they're disagreeing on what came next at one point.

And there's a big splash in the corner by

Nia or Nia?

Nia.

I never remember.

Nia Jax.

And now she's wiggling and slapping her butt.

I guess that's a thought.

Oh, she's going to boom

run into the corner, but Charlotte slips out and gives her the boots to the stomach that she's covering up for,

but not covering up like they're real, covering up like she doesn't know how to work.

She doesn't know how to sell either.

Look at that.

Yeah, and Charlotte's got a headlock, and Charlotte is trying to go down to a knee and ground her because it looks like that they need a conference.

And she's jerking Nia Jax into position

so that some information can be imparted one way or the other.

It looks like Charlotte's trying to impart it.

Nia Jax tries to shoot her off.

Charlotte holds on to the headlock.

Perhaps they haven't agreed on the last phases of the spot yet.

So now Nia Jax is going to shoot her off again, and now she goes.

And a tackle, and Charlotte goes down, sells her head.

So it took Nia Jax that long to get one tackle.

Oh, my God.

Now I see why it was 12 minutes.

And, you know, now Nia Jax hammers her and shoves her around.

He's getting some heat on her and wants her to go down, apparently, face first, but I don't know what that

movement was.

It's just.

It's like Nia Jax is trying to throw people around, but she doesn't know how to grab them and let them go.

She shoves them in a direction that they don't know what the fuck's going on.

Charlotte fighting back back with back elbows.

Nia misses the rush in the corner.

And Charlotte tries to shoot her off, and it's supposed to get reversed.

And Nia picks it up on it finally, so Charlotte can do her upside down.

Block a thing,

grab Nia while she's standing over the ropes, and bend Nia Jax back over the ropes in a reverse front facelock.

That looks pretty cool.

That is cool.

This is the match they've called.

It's just Charlotte apparently is having to call it again as they go.

And

like on that reversal, she had to start reversing herself before Jax picked up on it.

But now Charlotte's getting some

fucking heat on.

Is Nia Jax supposed to be a baby face?

That's what I was thinking before when I said Charlotte's the heel.

She's acting like a heel at the beginning.

Does that mean Nia is the babyface?

I assume, although watching this on mute, she's certainly not acting like a babyface.

Well, and

also, she's twice as big.

Charlotte jumps up on Nia Jax's back and gets a chin lock on her.

And she's given her the shoulder ride.

So I guess Nia Jax didn't mare her over as she just did.

So Charlotte fed her that.

This is just an ugly fucking match.

This is not

a, this is a, oh, and Nia Jax just gave her a spine buster that she didn't really want to take.

That was the worst spine buster ever.

Well, yeah, that she put her foot down beforehand, and now Charlotte's rolled out.

Because she didn't, I don't,

yeah, let's replay that.

Why'd you replay that spine buster?

Jesus.

But I got to admit, you know, having a match, and now Charlotte's bailed out on the floor and she's walking around and she's taking her time and I see why.

Having a match with somebody like this is trying to do wrestling moves to a couch.

They're so big, you can't do anything with them if they're not fluid enough to go with it or to there.

Oh, now.

Charlotte pulled the rope down kind of so Nia Jax could go out through the ropes.

Charlotte dives over the top, crossbody

onto Nia Jax goes down.

Maybe

they've captured a bit of it here.

Now, that's not so bad.

And then they went to a break.

And just so you know, this is Oklahoma City.

Oh, boy.

And the people are sitting on their hands.

They went to a break.

Oh, my God.

When they came back, they went to the break on the only good move I've seen, the crossbody over the top.

When they come back, Nia Jax just picks Charlotte up.

Instead of a belly-to-back suplex, just picked her up and dropped her backwards, which was reckless.

But I don't know if she knows how to do it any other way.

And Nia Jax with uh

kind of shitty forearms,

and she's smiling, and she charges.

Charlotte moves Nia Jax's shoulder into the post,

and she, like a harpooned whale, blubbers back into the ring

once again, working.

They're working just not well.

I mean,

Nia Jax is not working very well, and neither one of them is working very well with each other.

Charlotte's trying.

Charlotte is climbing up.

Is she going to go for a moonsault?

She's on the top rope.

And she moonsaults.

And Nia Jax barely got knees up.

So Charlotte sold it because it was kind of close.

And Nia Jax, oh my God, picked her up and gave her the sloppiest Samoan drop right on her left shoulder.

that I've ever seen.

And Nia Jax goes for the big leg drop.

And Charlotte, thank God, gets out of the way and a big boot to the face, which was safe.

And she was trying to go for a cover, but Nia Jax beat her to her feet.

And she's trying to tell her something.

I said, I'll fucking just stood up and smacked her in the face.

And Nia says, you smacked me in the face.

And now they're pissed.

And Nia grabs Charlotte's hair and Charlotte bows up at her.

And she's like, okay, are we going to fucking do this now?

And boom.

And now they're, goddamn, no, they're not fighting, but they're just pissed at each other.

And now

it's not a hardcore fight, but they're fighting for a moment.

Yeah,

they're pissed.

Naya went for the fucking, to pick her up for the deal,

but Charlotte didn't want to go.

So then Charlotte hit the ropes and went up for her own fucking, she's trying to get on Nia's shoulders, and Nia don't know how to fucking get her back, and they don't know what the fuck they are doing.

It's all falling apart now.

And now it's completely fallen.

This makes Charlotte Flair's dad and JYD look like Charlotte Flair's dad and Steamboat.

And Charlotte went for a cover and Nia Jax kicked out because now they've realized they've lost control of this whole match.

They got pissed off and smacked each other a couple times to wake each other up, supposedly, because I'm sure Nia Jax doesn't believe she's to blame.

And now they're going back to the match, which already sucks, and they've still got to fucking get this finish in, whatever it may be.

And now they're just mulling all that over in their heads because they haven't touched in 45 seconds.

And now they get back up, and Charlotte goes for the chop block because Nia was standing there waiting on it.

And now Charlotte's trying to work on the fucking leg, doing the thing, goddamn, it's like doing wrestling moves to a fucking waterbed.

And so Charlotte tries the ground and pound.

And

she just half-heartedly kicks the leg.

She's like, what else can I do to this fucking giant tree trunk leg on this immobile fucking opponent that has already fucked this fucking thing up royally?

She's right now trying to remember Tony Khan's phone number.

Yes.

And now she, and she yanked the leg and she shoves the Nia Jackson the back of the head a couple times.

And now she wiggles her butt.

and slaps her butt like Nia was doing earlier, Nia Nia.

Oh, but she goes for the figure four step over.

She gets kicked off.

Charlotte does into the buckle.

And now Nia Jax is up and kind of limping on the leg that they've been working on.

And the referee just touched his fucking hip, which is where his IFB control is.

And he said, okay, you guys can go anytime.

And the fans haven't moved.

And the fans are encased in,

what did they encase the villains in when they sent them to the Phantom Zone?

And Nia Jax boom picks her up kind of a half choke slam.

Oh my God.

And pinned her.

It was like a half choke slam, half power bomb.

And Nia Jax pinned Charlotte 1, 2, 3

and got up and walked off.

And she knows that she just laid a turd on national television.

And Charlotte's still laying there because she wants to be dead.

She is probably dying of mortified embarrassment.

And now they replay the kickoff into the turnbuckle,

and they replay the half-power bomb, half choke slam that she just smacked her with.

That may have been what she was trying to go for before, and it wasn't time yet, and Charlotte was trying to get out of it or something.

I don't fucking know.

That's the worst match I've ever seen.

It was twice as long as Linda Miles' match on OVW television, and this was on national TV.

And none of this is Charlotte's fault.

You can't watch this and say any of this is Charlotte's fault.

What the fuck

was the thought?

If that had gone according to plan, what the fuck the thought was of that finish?

All right, we've seen it all now.

And I mean, literally.

Let me get the taste out of my mouth on that.

Holy Jesus Christ.

Can I just just real quick before we move on with the show?

Yes.

My Survivor Series notes, you know, you take notes.

I usually don't.

I did for this one.

I wrote five things down, my five takeaways from Survivor Series as they were happening.

Number one, the rock.

We just talked about that.

Yeah.

Number two, mysterious chance.

We talked about that.

That's why I thought we should go through this now.

Number three, the camera work.

Which is so counterproductive and so bad.

The moving too much, the switches non-stop.

The guy throws a punch.

By the time he lands the punch, it's a different camera shot.

Right.

It's so bad.

Roman yelling at no one during the main event.

I'm sure we'll get there.

And then Vince's eye job and Botox.

Well,

let's go ahead and talk about it now.

Then, I'm not concerned about the eye job and the Botox.

I started to say the Bojob and the Eye Tox.

The Bojob.

Bojob and the Eye Talk.

I'm not.

I'm.

What's happened to his voice.

Is he

losing some cognitive?

He seemed like when he was sitting there talking, like when Roman Reigns came in the office and they shook hands,

that he was staring off camera at either, is it a,

I hesitate to say, a cue card, or just is he looking at himself on a monitor, or he wasn't looking at the person he was talking to.

And he mumbles

and he and he

doesn't really get from the rock

rock.

Yes, it's just it's grumbling and mumbling.

And, and

I mean, he used to be not only the forceful voice, but the get-to-the-point voice.

And now I'm struggling to understand what he's

saying.

So that worries me as far as it.

And when he got out of the limo and he held the the egg up

and

hold on.

Someone listening may have no idea what you're talking about when you say the egg.

All right.

Apparently, one of the

plot points in the Red Notice movie is they've got this golden egg.

And I don't know if it's the central thing in the theme of the movie or what maybe Alfred Hitchcock would call it the MacGuffin.

It's just the reason for other things to happen.

But the egg

figured in the cold open because it figures in the movie.

And then Vince, a limousine shows up, as you mentioned, and people are there, well, maybe is it the rock?

Maybe it's the rock, the guy that they've been building up.

Yeah, no, well, no, it's Vince.

Vince gets out of the limo, but then there's a bunch of the talent that didn't make the card standing in the back, and as soon as they see it's Vince, they scream and yell and pop with the fakest, yay, he's here

that you've ever heard in your life.

And then he goes, wait, wait, wait.

And he reaches in and he comes out with this egg like he shows it like it's the goddamn,

I don't know the ark of the covenant and then they don't pop right away so he has to wave on camera come on and then they pop and scream again and then he walks off like he's doing a parody

of what vince used to do

and so that's the egg and then the egg

is in i guess we'll just get rid of all the egg business now and then we'll just go through the matches later on roman reigns comes into Vince's office.

They shake hands, and that's where I mentioned Vince is mumbling and whatever, but he's talking about the egg was given to him

by The Rock.

And

$100 million.

He was $100 million.

He was trying to tell some, and I've never heard Vince not be able to explain a story.

This is the guy that could talk anybody in the wrestling business, including me.

He's done it too.

He could talk anybody in the wrestling business out of doing something they wanted to do and instead make them want to do something that he wanted them to do.

And now he can't convey this story.

He was trying to say that The Rock came here, Roman's cousin, with $7 in his pocket, seven bucks productions, and now he's a movie star.

But at the same time, he gave Vince this egg.

I swear to God, that Vince says the egg is worth $100 million.

If they'd,

I guess, The Rock could give somebody something worth a couple of million dollars and not really probably

feel it too bad.

But if he gave it to him 25 years ago or whatever, he just said he just had $7 in his pocket a minute ago.

So when did he get this?

After he became a movie star?

Well, he hadn't been in the WWF.

You see where I'm going.

It made no sense.

And it's a $100 million egg, is what Vince is saying.

So they couldn't even say it's worth a million dollars, which would have been fine for this because nobody's going to believe it anyway.

But they have to really get the fucking scoff laughing going.

So then later on,

Adam Pierce and Sonia Deville are sitting in Vince's office, and Vince walks in with his red cell phone in his hand

and

sits down and starts talking to him and looks over, and the egg is gone.

And I don't know what it is about Survivor Series and eggs with Vince.

And

it's not like they wrote this from scratch because the movie had to have an egg in it.

But the movie came out with an egg in it.

Perfect time to sponsor Survivor Series.

So 35 years after they laid the first egg, they could lay another one.

And so now the egg is gone.

And he tells

Cruella Deville and Adam Pierce:

Well,

if you can't find the egg, then everybody has to get together all the stars from Raw and SmackDown tomorrow.

And I'm saying this with more forcefulness than he did.

And we're going to get to the bottom of this, and I'm going to find my egg, my $100 million egg.

Can you believe this?

No, no, we can't, Vince.

And it turns out when he's looking for his $100 million egg, that's his nickname for Linda.

Hey,

I would think she would be the $100 million anchor.

But anyway,

so

this fucking egg

is worth $100 million and is missing.

And they tease on a pay-per-view, they tease the resolution

on Raw the following night, which

basically, let's go ahead and

reveal the climax of this ridiculousness.

They had everybody going through looking like idiots, trying to find this $100 million egg and looking for that.

Everybody's got to play along with this thing.

And then

apparently, Austin Theory just walked into Vince's office and said, Hey, Vince, I want to take a selfie with the egg.

I got it.

It's right here.

Oh,

well, I like the cut of your gym.

Contractor,

they put him in a title match.

Title match.

Biggie and title match a raw.

And that was the dispensation of it.

You know, that was it.

No, oh my God, line him up and shoot him at sunrise.

He stole my $100 million.

Oh, you wanted a selfie?

Okay,

you got guts.

Here, here's a title match.

Thank you for my egg.

I got to stop doing that voice.

I wanted to say to you, you know, Austin Theory stole the egg.

This is a big moment, like, who ran over the rock and, you know, all these various mysteries in wrestling.

Do you think, I mean, you talked about what you saw in Austin Theory when we started watching him in NXT.

Yeah.

Before all the silliness and whatever he's wearing now, when we just saw the raw talent as it was appearing on NXT,

obviously Vince sees something in him.

Yeah.

I mean, is that what this is?

Is this Vince's way of saying, I see something in you, take my egg?

Like, we'll do this on TV.

I guarantee you.

Why would they do this?

What is this?

I guarantee you it is.

And now you see a lot of people have seen the danger of Vince not seeing anything in them.

Now you see the danger of Vince seeing something in you.

Because,

again, I said Austin Theory all around from top to bottom from what I saw in NXT for a guy, what is he, 21 years old or whatever the case.

He's young, yeah.

The best instincts, timing, basics, flawless, you know, fucking execution of shit.

He's a prodigy.

He's got the size, he's got the look, he got the...

swagger to him.

So yeah, he's a future superstar.

And I mean, say what you want about Vince.

Even if he's in the advanced stages of brain rot,

he's seen a lot of wrestling talent.

He can still see it.

So now the problem is he's probably seen this in Austin Theory also, and he's decided this is the way that he might get him over.

I don't hopefully see

the last of the egg.

Certainly, we've seen the last of the egg.

I love my egg.

Rock.

It's like they just pushed him onto the set.

Here, go this way.

Sit down.

Now read these cards.

It's like Bob Hope.

He's looking at the game card.

Oh, my God.

Hey,

you know, toward the end, they

were contractually.

Do you know what story I'm going to tell?

I think so.

They were contractually obligated on the tonight show to bring Bob Hope out.

once or twice a year whenever because Bob Hope was NBC for 20 years, right?

But then Johnny Carson took over over as Bob's health was failing and the ratings were going down on the holiday specials and the tributes to the troops and everything.

And Hope was both nearly deaf and surly on these appearances.

So

Carson hated it and would then finally had to have Hope on.

when there were guest hosts because he couldn't get a flow of a conversation with him because Hope either couldn't hear him or didn't want to answer the question and was just grumpy with everybody.

And it appears appears that Vince is entering that stage of the fucking game.

I got to tell you.

So anyway, so Austin got the egg.

But back to Survivor Series.

You sent me the clip of Vince McMahon and Austin Theory on Raw.

And

everybody remembers that as soon as I saw Austin Theory in NXT, I said, my God, this guy is a future superstar.

I'm not talking about it.

I don't know what they'll do with him with his booking, but at his age, he's what, he's early 20s.

He's got the size, he's got the physique.

He's an amazing, natural worker.

To me, when I watch him, he's picked up the little things,

not only basics, but I'm talking about things you can't teach, just natural reactions and the little

things that go on in the ring with a really natural worker.

He's got everything, right?

He just needs to get bigger and blossom.

So, naturally,

the only thing worse than Vince not seeing anything in him, apparently, is Vince seeing something in him.

Because now on Raw, he's been taken under Vince's way.

He was the guy that stole the $100 million

golden egg.

My egg.

My egg, yes.

And then brought it back

with basically no punitive measures after Vince was ready to

eviscerate whoever had stolen it, but he took it because he wanted a selfie with it.

So now Vince likes his spunk.

Like her spunk, say it for me.

Spunk on my egg.

And so now he's doing recurring things with Vince, which

Ed, I saw this clip.

Austin Theory is doing everything he can with what he's being given to work with, but basically he's sitting there and having to react to things Vince is saying rather than saying his own shit.

And therein lies the problem is he's just standing there, sitting there at the desk with Vince, nodding up and down when Vince does what you're doing.

He just and he's slouched over.

I mean,

I'll let you keep going.

Well, I just, you know, I just, that's the thing is that what

you're impersonated, I don't know whether you're doing an impersonation of Vince or whether Vince was doing an impersonation of you doing an impersonation of Vince or whatever, but you sound clearer than he does.

Yeah, there's a pencil.

Yeah, a pencil.

Yeah, hold a pencil.

And the whole

subject matter of this was

Vince basically saying, I'm going to show you, Austin theory, hold on, not nearly this clear, the most dangerous weapon in the world.

And he pulls a pencil out of his fucking desk drawer and he says, not this end, the point, but this end, the eraser, the old eraser.

The booker has the pencil and the pencil has the eraser.

It's an inside wrestling joke that's 75 years old.

But the performance of this is what we got to talk about.

And I'm not trying to make fun of Vince because now this is sad.

Because

I know everybody has to age and everybody has to get older.

And I am too.

And that's another reason why I can't do the shit I used to do, which is another reason why I'm not trying to do it.

But

this is sad because Vince used to be the guy with the booming voice, the authoritarian stentorian tones,

the projection.

You could hear

Vince.

When he was walking down the hall in Titan Tower with anybody with him, he was still working.

He was having a walking meeting.

And if you were in your office, you know, 50 feet down the hallway, you could tell that Vince was at the elevator because you could hear pal.

Hey, pal.

Yeah, we're going to put this on.

Hey, how are you doing there, Chief?

How are you doing, Strongbow?

Whatever.

You know,

and he was a pronunciation freak to the point where

if you said WWF,

if he was anywhere around, he would go ballistic.

If you go back in the, especially in the early and mid-90s, when

JR came in and I came in and Lawler came in,

probably the only thing that none of us had a southern accent on until JR had his bells palsy was the phrase WWF

because he would make you stop and do it again if it wasn't live if you said W instead of W.

It's W.

W.

WF.

But now.

I hate George W.

Bush.

It's W.

I can't understand what Vince is saying.

And I had to watch this twice to pick it all up.

And it's not only is he not projecting, but you can tell he, as you mentioned, he's kind of stooped over, but he just doesn't have the

force behind his words.

He doesn't have the surety, the assuredness behind

what he's going to say.

He's kind of mumbling around about it.

He knows in his mind what he's trying to do, I'm pretty sure,

but it's not coming out like

the old Vince.

And,

you know, it's, it,

a lot of people

that are, is there any new WWE fans?

Are they all just flooding away, or are some coming in?

Anybody that sees Vince over the last year or two, maybe, and any time in the future

is going to wonder for the first time, they're going to wonder, well, this is the Vince McMahon I've heard all about.

Well, he's just,

I mean,

there's no force there.

There's no life there.

He's trying to tell this story that he gets, but

other people ain't getting it.

And

it's

not good, I don't think.

And I'm not taking pleasure in saying that, but, you know, at some point,

please, Vince, you've got all the money, all the property, all the, go put your feet up,

relax, have somebody else do something.

You know, it's sad at this point.

Yeah.

And, you know, beyond the way he appears and the way he sounds, he's lost his ability, at at least to me, to be captivating.

It's more of a freak show.

I'm watching it like, I can't believe this is Vince of Man.

I can't believe he allows himself to be seen like this on TV.

His posture, his makeup.

I don't know what has happened to his face.

Oh.

But it looks like he visited Madonna's plastic surgeon.

He looks weird.

You can't understand what he's saying.

And it takes him longer to do what it used to take him a shorter period of time to do.

It feels like.

Yes.

That's it.

It's just, it's not coming out.

It's dragging.

And you mentioned the word captivating,

regardless of what Vince was doing, even if it was preposterous in the attitude era, when he was on television and he was talking,

you were listening to what he was saying and you were following it and you wanted to hear the rest of it.

I think that's fair to say because those were the

he was one of the biggest stars on the television program when it had the biggest ratings it's ever had.

So

he was captivating at that.

This is not

captivating.

It's,

it's like,

did you ever see the South Park where they brought Rod Stewart out for the concert and they wheeled him out in a fucking wheelchair because he was 90 years old?

And hey, no, but he, Vince is starting to remind me of Sumner Redstone.

I don't know if you know Sumner Redstone.

You must.

Yes.

When he would, eventually his hair turned orange and he was getting wheeled around everywhere.

And it's just everyone knows it's over, but he's still running the company for no good reason.

And then his daughter takes over.

But I mean, we'll see what happens in this case.

Well, but it may be questionable now to whether it's going to be the daughter or the adopted son, Nick Kahn.

Yeah, or the Rocks buddy.

We'll see what happens.

But with all we're saying about this, it's not a good position to be put in, I wouldn't think.

But I'll give Austin Theory credit.

I think he's doing as good a job as you could do in this situation.

Yeah, I mean, well, you know, you just have to sit there and nod and throw in the line every once in a while that you're being told to say but it hopefully his in-ring talents will carry the day here and at least if if vince wants to interact with him on screen that means they want to push him that means they see that there's something there and that's yeah that's a positive step so far let me see you behave like a dog like a rabid dog

no god damn it

don't bark got a few questions naturally as we have the last several weeks about vince mcmahon Oh, boy.

Before we get to any of these, have you caught up at all?

Have you seen any of the latest installments of the, I guess, the WWE version of Tuesdays with Maury?

Vince McMahon and Austin Theory.

You know, we said here a couple weeks ago, the only thing worse than Vince not seeing anything in you is Vince seeing something in you.

Because now, Austin Theory, my boy, what have they done to my boy?

I said, this guy is incredible.

What a prospect.

He's got the body.

He's got

the look.

He's got the size.

He can work the little things.

I would have loved having this guy in OVW.

I would have pushed him to the moon because he's got all the little things that you either can't teach or sometimes it takes forever to teach.

So naturally, they took him from NXT, rescued him from the Sameface family, Johnny and Mrs.

Sameface.

Now he's on Raw, but he has become Vince McMahon's pet project, who Apparently, from these vignettes, Vince is trying to teach him to have the killer instinct and go out and make something of himself.

And

Vince is threatening him with the pencil and the noted eraser.

And there was another

backstage vignette interaction with Vince and Austin Theory on Raw this just last night, Monday night.

And I watched this clip.

And again, there's Austin Theory trying

to do the best he can with what he's being told to do.

But basically, it amounts to nodding up and down and going, uh-huh, and yes, sir, and

taking selfies of himself with things and people.

But Vince was mad at him in this clip because apparently

he had been defeated by Finn Balor in a match earlier in the show.

And then, after that, wouldn't you know, it's not just an epidemic, Brian, in AEW or in some of the outlaw promotions, but it's the WWE as well.

It's the entire world of wrestling.

There's Finn Balor doing an interview back in the back of the building.

And here comes Austin Theory

and tackles him.

At least he got about 30 seconds out, though, not like in AEW

where they can't speak at all before they get attacked.

Balor got about 30 seconds out.

And then here comes Austin Theory and beats him up and runs him into the equipment cases.

And of course, immediately the announcer just backs up and becomes a mute, doesn't scream, oh my god, help or anything, just gets out of the shot.

And all the damage is done.

And then, at least at the end, quality control in the WWE, they run in one referee.

And

I think, who was it that was standing around?

Somebody else in a suit

to say, get the heck out of here.

And then he goes, Austin Theory goes into Vince's office to tell him what he's done.

Hey, even though I lost the match, that was a cold-blooded, ruthless attack that I just made on Finn Balor.

And Vince says, Yeah, but

even though, and this is a quote from Vince, even though you beat,

as we might say, the chocolate pudding out of him.

So over on AEW, they're saying shit, shit, shitty mix, shit, shit, shit, face, shit head, beat the shit out of, you're a piece of shit.

Shit, shit, shit.

And over in WWE land, Vince says you beat the chocolate pudding out of.

Suffering sucker dash.

And then he says, but I should,

I should, and I'm, by the way, he's not saying it with this much.

oomph and power and projection and clarity.

He said he ought to fire Austin Theory because he loves firing people people before the holidays.

It makes him feel good like he just had a good meal, gives him a warm.

They're doing a parody

of what people used to believe was the real Mr.

McMahon because Vince was so good at being Mr.

McMahon

that people had those thoughts.

And now they're parodying

people who are probably writers who were children when he was Mr.

McMahon are now parodying,

you know, Vince to where he's Ebenezer Scrooge and Bah Humbug, and it's a whole, and I'm sure he loves it too, because, ah, it's great shit, pal.

But the clip that I saw, Brian,

besides the fact that he brought the pencil out again, and

he Vince tried to tear a piece of his legal pad off,

and he tore it in half.

Instead, he couldn't tear the whole page off of the legal pad.

It looked like Bobby Heenan doing the old phone book tear stunt where he would tear three pages and put it down like he was satisfied.

No, you know what it looks like?

I swear to God, it looks like he's a fucking Muppet.

It looks like the Vince head, the weird Vince head, it's like one piece and then someone else is working the hands because he's always sitting and he's hunched over.

So there's like a torso and then there's just crazy hands going all over the place.

I think it's Frank Oz working the hands and someone else is working the Vince head.

It looks nuts.

It looks like someone else is doing his hands.

But who's the one that had to stick their hand up Vince's ass?

Then is what I want to.

But anyway, he's got the paper.

It was Bruce.

Of course.

Well, hey, Bruce able to get his hand up Vince's ass.

His head is so big and it's watched there.

So Vince scratches

something he's written with a pencil.

He erases it and then holds the paper up and blows the eraser shavings in Austin Theory's face.

But here's what I was going for

with what I was about to tell you was I saw this clip.

It was sent to me and apparently it was on YouTube, right?

This wasn't a clip directly off the, well, I don't know where it was directly off, but the point is,

without me doing it,

the closed captioning for the hearing impaired was on on this clip.

And from the time it had the announcer that asked Finn Balor the question and it had Finn Balor's response, and then you see the attack, and then it goes into Vince's office, and you see him talking to Theory,

and then it started having some trouble because,

as we've mentioned,

yes, Vince is,

some of it's under his breath.

And they were piping the crowd noise in really loud in this anyway.

Really loud.

What was that?

Yeah.

I've been in Vince's office.

He doesn't have a studio audience in the office, right?

So they were piping the noise from the arena into this as some kind of background.

But what it made it hard to hear Austin Theory,

but it made it almost impossible to understand Vince because he's

not projecting.

He's got the gruff voice now, and it's on.

So I'm watching,

as I'm watching Vince trying to get these things out, my eyes are drawn to the closed captioning.

And the closed captioning is not able to figure out what Vince is saying.

And

one of the closed captioning statements was when Vince was first starting to

read Austin Theory out about maybe he made a bad decision in seeing something in Austin Theory.

He said, I didn't get to be a billionaire by making stupid business decisions, but the closed captioning, plain as day, said, I got to be a billionaire by making stupid decisions.

Well, that's actually true.

And then He starts going further.

And all of a sudden, the closed captioning while Vince is mumbling disappears.

And

then just one word pops up.

Inaudible.

Oh, my God, that's so funny.

It's a pre-tape in an office.

These guys, they're mic'd.

It's a professional television production.

But yet, the closed captioning is reading it as the same thing as a fucking radio message from the space shuttle in outer space, inaudible.

Or some kind of police surveillance video of the mob inaudible.

Inaudible.

So that was

poor Austin theory.

God, don't fight it.

By the way, you know, we get people that ask us, why does Travis's drawings of current Vince look like he has lipstick on?

Because he looks like he's got lipstick on.

To which I would say, what the hell was going on here?

And that side shot of him, he looks completely nuts.

He looks like he was built in Jim Henson's fucking creature.

He really fucking does.

You know, there were Muppets, and then there were creatures that Jim Henson were built.

He doesn't even look real.

Oh, I think if he was, if he was silly, putty or play-doh, don't get him too close to a fucking heat source, or he might start melting.

But that would, yeah, yeah, I mean, it just, I just don't know what's it.

I just wish, and we talked about this last week on the show, that he, I wish he would just

take time off, retire, put his feet up, at least don't, he's not a television personality anymore.

And since he was one of the absolute best ever,

it's disheartening now that people are going to see,

younger people are going to see him now and say, this is the Vince McMahon that we've heard about, that was so commanding and, as you mentioned, captivating or whatever.

It's,

it's, I just, it's sad now, and I hate to see that.

And I wish there was somebody

that could tell him honestly,

had the balls to, whether he agreed with him or not, that would go to him and say, Vince, you shouldn't be on TV anymore.

But nobody's going to do that.

What does Stephanie do anymore in that company?

Do we know?

They gave her another, I think they shifted her position to another position recently.

She was chief brand officer for a while, which.

She shifted her position to another position.

You mean she went from doggy style to reverse cowgirl?

That's not what I meant in any possible way.

I meant she went from,

you know, I don't even know if it's senior VP, EVP, but head of this department to just do this now.

And she was doing something else, I think.

Although

it's all basically the same.

It's just Stephanie needs a job.

Let's keep her doing something.

She's good at talking to people who know nothing about wrestling.

She's incredible at that.

Like if you knew you had an auditorium filled with people who know nothing about wrestling, send her to talk to them, best person in the world.

Yes, so you would think she would be the one to talk to Vince and say, Vince, come on.

It's, you know,

I don't know.

Thank you, Mula.

You have no idea who she is.

Excellent question, Wendy.

Speaking of absurdity, let's go ahead and get this one out of the way.

I got to be honest with you, when I got up on Sunday morning, or Monday morning, rather, today,

and was going to watch the Sunday night festivities, I did get on the internet.

I didn't get on the internet

Friday night, Saturday morning until I watched Ring of Honor because I didn't want the FTR Briscoes match to be spoiled.

And I didn't

look in advance at the Saturday night WrestleMania because I didn't have time and I thought, okay, you know, it's going to be okay.

But I did peek,

and everybody on Twitter,

I think, I almost trended again.

Generally, now I don't even have to do anything to trend on Twitter.

It's just people saying, well, wait till Corinet sees this.

And I trend somehow that way.

But everybody was like, oh,

we've got to hear what Coronet's going to say about Johnny Knoxville and Sami Zayn.

And that's when I thought, what the fuck?

So I have to watch this because normally I would have said, okay.

You watched it?

Yes, I watched it.

Wow.

Well, everybody was like,

it meant so much to them, apparently, that they weren't the only ones that had to suffer through this abomination, that I would somehow watch it and articulate the things on our platform here that they are not able to say in public places because it stunk, it was rotten, it was fucking abominable, and people were offended by it.

So, okay, I'll watch it.

Because, I mean, that's kind of the attitude I was going to have with it anyway.

I just didn't plan on critiquing the whole thing.

But

all I could think, just even when they started, before they'd ever even got into it, just when the bell was ringing, after the entrances,

Sami Zayn, a good old El Generico, and Kevin Owens, Kevin Steen,

I've said this before, in Ring of Honor, they were the pains in the ass.

We had a great talent roster.

They worked hard.

They mostly showed up on time.

Nobody was really fucking up too bad.

It's just that every time that you had to talk to either one of these two, maybe it had something to do because they were French-Canadian.

Maybe it had something to do because they're friends and birds of a fleather, a fleather flock together, or birds of a feather shit together, whatever the saying is.

But they were the biggest pains in the ass.

They always had some question, some issue, some conflict, something needed to be resolved.

I think I've told everybody, Zane sent Delirious a two-and-a-half-page single-spaced email one time talking about trying to get his airport parking paid for by the company in Montreal.

It was just incessant, and they always

had something to say about everybody else's business, including

they thought

my wrestling acumen, booking, whatever, it was cheesy.

It was cheesy.

It's not like the young folks today want to get into it.

It's cheesy.

It's old-fashioned.

It's kind of goofy.

Let me just remind everybody

that this is the biggest wrestling event in the world, and Sami Zayn, Mr.

Expert, is bumping like a Super Ball for a 50-something-year-old jack-off reality TV star in the biggest abomination of a parody of a wrestling match that's ever been held by anybody.

AEW don't have nothing on this bullshit because they not only made sure to make the wrestling business look like garbage, but they spent a lot of money to do it.

So,

you know, the old, the old saying, Brian, the old joke, you go up to a girl, you say, will you fuck me for a million dollars?

Hell yeah.

Well, will you fuck me for a dollar?

No, what do you think I am?

We've already established that.

Now we're just haggling over price.

So we've come to find out that fat boy Steen and fucking skinny boy Generico,

they don't mind making complete asses out of themselves and doing the worst offensive, unfunny bullshit making fun of the wrestling business that they possibly can as long as they're getting a big check for it.

Otherwise, they got principles.

Fuck you both,

especially Generico, because at least Owens was in there with Stone Cold Steve Austin.

So he got the better part of the deal.

Fucking the red-headed ginger Muslim French Canadian here had to stooge for a goddamn brain-damaged moron.

So I'm glad to see them doing well in their environment up there.

My booking was cheesy.

They'd have been all over.

If somebody had suggested they do this before they were making the big money, oh, how dare you!

But see, they won't, nobody's like me.

They won't put their money where their mouth is and just say, fuck you, keep your check.

That's embarrassing.

I'm not going to fucking do it.

Fire extinguisher, garbage can, crutch, cookie sheet.

Johnny Knoxville's dressed like a kid on Halloween playing superhero, but he got somebody slip some fucking fentanyl in his candy or something.

Zane goes under the ring to pull a table out and pulls out a table covered with mouse traps.

They've got a stop sign in the red.

This is

this would be unprofessional by AEW standards.

Like if Jelly Nutella

had a match with some fucking fat, bald, tattooed death match garbage wrestler in some barn somewhere in the middle of Iowa, this is what you would get.

And this is on WrestleMania.

A bunch of amateurs and a goof going along with it.

It actually reminded me of Omega versus Moxley from Baltimore.

They're very, very similar matches, if you really think about it.

Well, they all look the same, but this was even more visually insulting because as bad as Moxley looks like a fucking plumber laying in an alley somewhere, at least he looks like he can fight you.

Whereas Johnny Knoxville is big as my little finger, gray-haired, by his own admission, brain-damaged, and a complete imbecile that a bunch of mentally challenged people have supported to where he has enough money to where he can fucking go around and do shit like this.

People think he's some kind of celebrity.

And by the way, Sami Zayn suplexed that 50-plus-year-old reality TV goof through a table and got a two-count.

And then Zayn was charging at him in the corner.

Knoxville pulls up an air horn and blows it in Sami Zayn's face.

It's a fucking spray can with compressed air.

I've sprayed them.

It won't hurt you if you do it to yourself.

It's loud and annoying.

So he blows the air horn and Sami Zayn is selling his ears like he's had his goddamn bell

And then some, I thought it was a mark.

I thought it was a fan out of the crowd.

Some guy comes in the ring and the announcers are calling him Party Boy.

And he starts dancing and strips down to his thong underwear

in the middle of the ring, in the middle of the mat.

Who are these fucking people?

Well, he was one of the regulars on Jackass 20 years ago.

Well, is this like the Howard Stern crack addicted dwarf and the fucking juggalo insane clown bullshit whoop whoop thing that in a sense in a sense it's kind of like a um jackass is like a self-contained whackpack i guess you could say

a whack pack well that's what howard stern called his people the whack pack

oh i thought that was when you all got together and

well we won't go into that no that's whack bag i thought that may be the jackpack

uh

so

whackpack, jackpack.

When this whole pack gets together, whatever they're doing, whacking, jacking, whacking it, whacking it, whacketty, whack, smacking it, smacking it, smackity,

I'm going to go where the...

All right.

He's going to jack it.

So then

Sami Zayn

dispatched the party boy in the thong and rolled him under the ring,

and then started to go under the ring after him for some reason.

But a midget came out from under the ring and beat up and body slammed Sami Zayn in the middle.

I can't say picked him up, he picked him down.

Zayn actually bent over and went down in order to be picked up by the fucking midget who body slammed him.

And then Johnny Knoxville gets a two count on a professional wrestler with a DDT.

The midget

does not leave.

His name is We-Mam.

Well, I don't care if he's got a fucking bladder issue, if his incontinence is a problem, this is not the time to talk about it, but he shouldn't have been on WrestleMania.

They take forever to pull out something.

It's a metal frame.

with a fake leg attached to it.

And on the bottom of the fake leg, on the foot of the fake leg, is a shoe of some description or a boot or whatever.

So they set that up.

Zane comes over and potatoed the fucking midget in the face full with a kick.

I mean, they showed a replay.

He just kicked that fucking midget in the face.

And it's the only time I've ever really wanted to thank Sami Zayn for doing anything.

So the midget got the potato.

Then Zane goes to the top rope to jump off on Johnny Knoxville, but Johnny Knoxville has a remote control in his hand, and while he's laying there, he reaches up in the air so everybody can see it, and he pushes a button, and Pyro blows up off the ring post up

Sami Zayn's sphincter.

He burned him right in his taintal area,

and he takes the bump off the ropes, and then they get a bowling ball

and roll the bowling ball into Sami Zayn's nut.

What is these

ridiculous, mentally challenged, emotionally stunted goofballs fascination

with hitting each other or other people in the fucking nuts and on purpose?

And you've seen the clips in the past over the year.

They go along with this shit.

I have never once in my life, for a bet, for a dare,

or for any other reason, allowed somebody to just full force haul off and either hit me, kick me, or drive something into my fucking testicles.

Because you could get hurt that way, and it's stupid.

I know that the things that they do here in public, they're obviously not using

Mr.

Johnson and his two friends for anything else because what woman would cooperate with that?

But why damage the goods when it's not necessary?

So

then they, after the bowling ball, they got the leg machine and had the leg machine kick him in the nuts while they're all holding it.

It's anybody over the age of seven who watches or likes jackass, Johnny Knoxville, or any of this fucking activity in a wrestling match is a complete fucking moron.

Let me just make that blanket statement right now and somebody try to prove me wrong.

So this wouldn't end.

Zane took a slam off the, well, actually, he just flipped himself.

He was on the top rope, and Johnny Knoxville reaches up.

And Zane just dives off, does a forward flip, and goes through the mousetrap table to the concrete floor.

Could have killed himself.

Anything

that they were doing here could have ended in serious injury.

And he's in there with a bunch of amateurs.

And

then all of the jackasses

bring a giant mousetrap into the ring.

I'm talking six feet long mousetrap that they've built specifically for this.

Bring it in the ring,

put Sami Zayn on it, and then Johnny Knoxville can't figure out how to set the fucking

trap off on Zane and reached over and got in the middle of it and

exposed it when he pushes the button.

The wooden, instead of a real mousetrap, which is the metal spring that clamps down on the poor little fella,

it's just a big wooden thing and it flies up and hits Johnny Knoxville in the back of the head and bounces off.

He pulls back and then it slams down on Sami Zayn.

And oh, and he's selling, and he's pinned

in the fucking mousetrap.

One, two, three.

I've said that they're risking injury.

And unfortunately, in this case, because everybody deserved it here, but unfortunately, the only thing that was hurt in this match was the wrestling business.

So

night one, we left with optimism.

By this point in the show, it's not even half over.

And not only was I saying, oh, fuck, but I had to stop watching this thing.

Because I didn't want to see any more, even the stuff I wanted to see.

After this, I didn't want to see any of it.

I was

actually, I would have been happy right then if I never saw any wrestling ever again.

And

it's not like that anybody else really felt any different from what I saw on the internet, from what I saw on Twitter.

All the wrestling fans were insulted.

Everybody said, I can't wait to hear Cornette tear this apart.

People are giving it negative stars or fucking laughing about it in the wrong way.

Why?

Just to get, I can understand if it was goddamn The Rock as a movie star or Mick Jagger or some upper echelon.

My God, we'll never get the opportunity to have a guy of this level of fame and magnitude on our show ever again.

We'll do whatever to get him.

Johnny fucking Knoxville?

Johnny Knoxville's presence on this show cannot have added,

I don't think it could have added anything.

I don't think one single person bought it because of this.

Maybe some people turned away from it because of this, but it couldn't be worth the bad publicity, the visual of all this silliness, ruining the rest of the show for people who don't want to see anymore after that.

Shitting on the business that the guys are about to get in the ring, the main events that drew the money, are going to get in the ring and risk their necks and their lives and their health to try to be professionals and really fucking dig in and give them a good, and they do this.

I'm sorry,

this is the kind of thing that I think people that weren't even involved should quit over.

Give me your thoughts.

Not a big fan of it.

I was able to watch it and enjoy it for the stupidity that it was because I knew what it would be.

And it's Sami Zayn.

It's not like they're working against Steve Austin or John Cena or Roman Reigns.

Oh, you would have thought that's who they were about 10 years ago before they got their attitudes adjusted and told how to do things the right way.

You're right that Johnny Knoxville is not a big star nowadays.

Now, it did seem like they got a lot of people there who must have been jackass fans because when people pop a little bit for We-Man, they are seriously deep jackass fans.

Well, no, it's a visual.

A midget.

Applicable of nothing, apropos of nothing, a midget comes out from under the ring and starts starts body slamming the wrestler.

You're going to pop for that if you've never seen him before, because it's fucking preposterous.

Not my favorite thing on WrestleMania.

And hopefully that's the end of Johnny Knoxville and WWE.

Well, Vince McMahon makes his entrance.

And he had a little bit more of the Vince walk going there than he did the other night at the Hall of Fame.

He gives Austin Theory the big intro,

and down he comes.

And then here come the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders again.

Okay, I guess this works because Pat McAfee played pro football.

So, not for Dallas.

Not for Dallas, but it's football cheerleaders.

The other night one, they were just out there just dancing for no reason.

But anyway, so the match is going to be McAfee against Theory Vince is at Ringside.

And

again,

just like Logan Paul, he took Pat McAfee took this seriously.

He's trained, as we've talked about.

He trained with Rip Rogers and he's worked out with a lot of these guys.

And he takes the business seriously.

And he was excellent.

And theory,

you know,

they talked about it.

And as we find out at the finish when they did what they did,

there was discussion,

obviously, of Vince having a match with McAfee.

We see now that whatever reservations and whoever voiced them were correct,

that they should not do that, but they should do something else to get to that.

But this is an example where theory, even though he gets beat,

he's Vince McMahon's flunky/slash protege.

He's in a high-profile match with a mainstream sports guy at WrestleMania.

And we know he can work.

He's fucking brilliant, Theory.

So this was better than it had any right to be because McAfee's had three matches in front of people now, right?

And they brought it and they worked it out and they knocked it out of the park, I thought.

Back and forth, but McAfee

did a great job.

When he goes for a superplex, Theory shoves him off the top rope.

He backflips to the middle, lands on his feet, runs, leaps up to the top rope in one one leap, and does the superplex.

That was smoother than anybody in a wrestling business would have done something like that.

If you remember when he had that match with Adam Cole a couple of years ago, and it was an empty arena match, and we talked about not only how good he was, but there was something he did that was very similar where he ran and he jumped on the top rope, and it was so impressive.

And I remember at the time we said, imagine if he actually did that in a room with people in it.

They would go crazy.

It would look amazing.

Well, there you go.

And he finally did it.

And again, that got a two count and a big pop.

And then Theory took over.

He tried to go for his finish and McAfee got out of it and rolled him up.

One, two, three, and got a huge pop because Theory

already has heat because he is doing the bidding of the evil Mr.

McMahon.

And that's where they were going with that thing the whole time.

And it worked.

And then,

okay, we thought, well, this is over with.

And then Vince does the thing where he starts to take his jacket off.

and then he thinks better of it.

He starts to walk away, and then he turns back around, and then he takes the jacket off and the tie,

and then he unbuttons his cuffs, and he unbuttons his collar and he takes off his shirt.

And I'm thinking, fuck, if he goes any further, I know this is pay-per-view, but they should have charged more money.

But finally, he gets in the ring, and

oh,

I have to, I know that everybody was thrilled to see because it's Vince and it's the WrestleMania crowd, and heel, babyface, good, bad, whatever.

They want to see the stars.

They want to see the people they never get to see in person.

Vince hadn't been involved in something like this in a long time.

So they were looking with the rose-colored glasses, the fans in the building, anybody watching television or whatever.

But

I don't.

Was it sad

to see this?

Or

was it fun because it's Vince McMahon?

Or was it sad because it's it's not it's Vince McMahon and it's not the same Vince?

The stuff with him in Austin was fun to see.

The stuff from the moment he took his shirt off and got in the ring was sad to see up until Austin came out.

And

he's in better shape than most 76-year-olds ever, but he's

but as soon as he took his shirt off, that was also the first time we've seen Vince's old man arms.

Yeah, he was an old man.

I mean, you could tell he was an old man.

And

that clothesline.

I mean, as soon as he started doing stuff, he's like, oh, no.

Like I said, they needed to do something with him in Austin.

It was the right thing to do.

They probably should have ended the night with it.

Well, yeah, but I also, beyond the way Vince looked and how sad that was, I also wouldn't have had him go in there and beat McAfee after McAfee just won a match.

Well, that's that's the thing.

The stuff with Austin,

except for the unfortunate stunner, the stuff with Austin was all

beer drinking and gaga and pantomime or whatever.

If he was going to have a match here, why couldn't he have had a manager match for a minute and a half?

Because the thing I didn't understand from the start

was Vince and McAfee are facing off and trash talking or whatever.

And

Theory comes from behind and blisters Pat McAfee and knocks him goofy from behind.

And that's when

Vince says, ring the bell to the referee referee and should have taken over and got on him, but instead, he stood there and let McAfee get back up.

Well, then, what was the point of having the heel hit him from behind to get you an advantage?

Now you're face-to-face again.

McAfee runs at Vince,

and by God, it was like he had no rotator cuffs.

Vince just threw an arm out, and McAfee ran into it and took a bump.

That was a clothesline.

And then Vince runs McAfee's head into the turnbuckle, and

it didn't look like the words that I just described.

And then another stationary clothesline where McAfee's running into him and he's just holding his arm up.

I know he's 76,

but that is one of the reasons why that maybe this shouldn't have happened this way.

Another head to the turnbuckle.

Snail's pace, and Vince keeps letting McAfee get up and recover and look at him and get up, and then he'll do something else to him.

And McAfee's got to sell.

What's he going to do?

Now, Vince, time for me to come back.

And Theory tripped him and crotched McAfee and crotched his nuts on the ring post.

And so Vince could strut around.

And then he was giving him,

it looked like our little dog pockets.

We give him the soft little kicks in the midsection.

And he wasn't trying to like he was kicking the shit out of him.

He was doing the insulting kicks, but maybe he's doing the insulting kicks because that's one thing about Austin.

He's been wearing two knee braces for bad ACLs for 25 years.

When you kick with your right foot, your left foot, that's why I don't kick anymore like I used to.

Your left foot is landing with a lot of force and you can fuck your knee up.

Well,

Vince had two

torn quads,

so he wasn't stomping at all.

It's not the same as just lifting weights when you're in the ring with the mat moving and balance being and impact from different places.

Go ahead, what?

I was going to say, he tore his quads a long time ago.

Well, yeah, but that's what I'm saying.

He was fucking mid-50s and tore his quads rolling in the ring.

Now he's 76 and he's going to start throwing fucking kicks and look like Flair or somebody.

No, this was low-impact shit

because

his tendons, sinews, muscles, connecting tissue, whatever is all almost 80 years old.

At least what hadn't been replaced previously.

But anyway, so

after the crotch on the

post,

Theory gives Vince a football, and Vince teases kicking it into the crowd.

And I know he's having fun and teasing and milking, but

I could tell just by the body language, and he might never admit this, but McAfee was down there going, Why am I having to sell so fucking long?

Will you please come over here?

And finally,

Vince teases kicking the football into the crowd and instead just kicks it into McAfee's midsection and covers him one, two, three,

and then kicked him out to the floor like a piece of garbage.

We'll talk about what happened after that in a second.

We've given our thoughts about whether Vince should or shouldn't be in there.

But if you are going to do this,

and word got out, and then people thought it wasn't going to happen happen because they set up the Austin Theory match.

Although it always seemed like there was some kind of hidden agenda behind the whole thing, although that was never spelled out in storyline, it doesn't make any sense why Vince all of a sudden wanted to wrestle a match with McAfee.

But if you were going to do this,

it absolutely would have meant a lot more to WrestleMania to get people to check it out casually if you announced that 76-year-old Vince McVan was going to wrestle.

A pro football player.

A pro football player who's pretty popular outside of wrestling, too.

But, you know,

I was thinking ahead of time that maybe it was Vince that said, we can't advertise this as a match because I can't do enough to

give the people their money's worth, make it right, or whatever.

So let's put theory in and then we'll do something.

But then once he got in there, the match bell-to-bell, even though a lot didn't happen, it was slow.

It lasted minutes.

And it, like I said, a manager match.

The fucking heel nails McAfee and down he goes.

Vince gets on him, on top of him, on the mount, punches him several times, puts the boots to him a little bit, chokes him over the rope, breaks his eyes.

McAfee tries to bow up a little bit, and that's when Theory pulls a leg from behind, and Vince gets on him again, and maybe grabs something, wraps it around his neck, starts choking him, or just staying on him like a fucking guy

who can't fight would stay on a guy who can fight if the guy who can fight was down.

And then finally,

either Vince misses something he's trying to do, or McAfee just bows up.

And boom, boom, boom, McAfee makes a little bit of a comeback on a couple of things that Vince might be able to do.

I'm not talking about bumps or whatever, but then let theory pop up.

And they're McAfee because he's just McAfee just

had that match with Theory.

I mean, it's not like that they've made up and everything.

So, and McAfee won't say Theory's still mad.

Theory could pop up and McAfee could give him a couple of bumps and turn around into something that Vince

has in his hand, or maybe Theory can hit McAfee with something from behind, and Vince falls on him.

How did I beat any major pro wrestler that I ever beat?

It was all from the heel doing the damage and me falling on the unconscious body and then crowing about it like I did something.

But

he beat him and kicked him out on the floor.

And then Vince and Austin Theory celebrated what seemed like forever until the glass broke.

And then again, I mean, obviously, the people go crazy.

Here comes Steve Austin.

He's in the ring.

He's face to face with Vince McMahon.

He beats up Austin Theory.

He gives Austin Theory a stunner.

Austin Theory took four bumps on the the same stunner.

That was

swimming in midair.

Yes,

he went straight up, straight back,

bumped up forwards and flipped.

And anyway,

he wanted to make sure that he made the most of that.

When that's the first and last stunner that Austin Theory will ever take.

It's like being figure forward by Flair or pile driven by...

Lawler or, you know, spinning toehold by Funk or whatever.

It's an honor.

So then Vince weasels out.

They do the facials and the interplay with him and Austin.

Now, let's have a beer.

And as soon as they go to have the beer,

and folks, if you haven't seen the clip, it's all over Twitter.

Mick Foley even shot his live reaction to it and put it on Twitter.

Austin kicks Vince in the stomach to set up the stunner.

When he kicked Vince in the stomach, Vince, either not thinking or potentially off balance,

went down to one knee on his right knee instead of just bending over.

So since the stunner is kick and grab in kind of the same motion,

Austin kicks Vince and goes to grab where he thinks his head is going to be, but Vince has gone down to a knee and Austin reaches over the top of him.

There's no head there.

Well, now Vince realizes what's happened and he tries to get back up to his feet.

Well, now Austin is grabbing for him, but when Vince pushes himself up to his feet, he gets overbalanced and he staggers backwards into the ropes.

Austin goes and grabbed.

Austin is trying to get Vince's head in his hands, and Vince is trying to feed back to Austin, but they're not sinking up in the middle.

That's why I said earlier in the show, it looked like Muhammad Ali at the peak of his fucking powers dodging punches of his opponents, except it was Vince accidentally not letting Austin grab him around the fucking head.

And finally, Austin grabs him and just, and they're in the corner and Austin's already starting to laugh.

And by that point, he just sits down with the stunner and Vince, instead of going to his knees, went to his ass and they all collapsed in a heap.

It looked like a monkey fucking a football.

And Austin spit all of his beer out because he's like, this is the most preposterous and gets up laughing his ass off because he's like, he just fell on his ass in Texas Stadium in front of 70-something thousand people because Vince couldn't stand up straight.

He hit the stunner and give him credit from the moment he first tried to hit it, he had beer in his mouth.

He was waiting.

So the whole time Vince is doing the Ropa dope, he's holding the beer in his mouth.

And when he finally hits it, like I said, the greatest visual ever.

Vince, you can't even see where his legs are.

He just looks like a torso in pain.

And right in front of him is Austin spitting the beer out

it looked like austin gave a stunner to the legless man in the aw battle royal and just

it's

and then

so austin gets up and he's laughing he starts calling for the beers and vince rolled out to somewhere

and then austin called mcafee in to have a beer with him and drink, and then gave a guess.

I guess he figured, that can't be the last one I ever do.

So he calls McAfee in and drinks beer with him and then gives him a hell of a stunner.

And McAfee, what a one.

He took a completely different style of bump where he got knocked backwards up on tiptoes, froze, and then collapsed.

But at least the last stunner that we will see.

was a good one, but the next to last one is the one that a lot of people, especially the boys in the business, are going to remember.

It was worse, worse than Linda's, wasn't it?

It was.

And remember, what I said to you before, everything was kind of cool, came full circle,

including the fact that Vince's first stunner and his last stunner were the two worst stunners of all time.

That's right.

He couldn't get the first one either, could he?

He sold it really weird.

This one

again, we've seen the stunner now for 25, 30 years, and I've never seen anyone go down.

You got to see it.

All right, come on.

Just looking at the picture of Vince with Austin in front of him on Splash Mountain.

Well, let's say, hey, let's be a little serious for a second.

Now, then we come to the three-way tag team

number one contender

between the Viking Raiders, the Lucha Suits, and Skid Row.

And each of the teams has their

female valet, manager, handler, mistress, as you like to say, whatever the case,

in their corner.

I like to say mistress when it's a mistress.

I don't think any of these women have been shown to be mistresses for anything.

Well, you used that term the other day.

About a mistress.

Well,

that hadn't been established.

but we nevertheless we we we had uh we got zelina vega we got b fab and we've got val halla that's her name valerie halla

remember from the uh poughkeepsie halas they're a big family up there

so i already knew by the time i watched this because it went viral it was actually infectious is what it was i knew what was coming But even before we got there, I got to be honest with you,

every time that top dollar gets in the ring, it's visually fascinating to me for

whatever perverse reason.

I mean,

every time he touches somebody, it looks like he's a wacky waving arm inflatable tube whale.

His arms are just flailing and his and his the baggy

basketball outfit that he wears and he

he obviously is convinced that things that he is are is doing are impressive and that he's over because of the demeanor and the attitude he takes with it and the grandiose it's like he's the rock about to give the people's elbow have you seen this am i imagining this no and i completely agree with you and i'm happy to hear you say this he's utterly fascinating to watch because

It's like a guy has no experience in the ring at all and they've just put him out there, even though we know he's been trained by them.

Yes, it's it's like I said, the you know, the basketball dad that you know gets to play with the kids on the weekends, right?

And he's let me show you how I used to do it, and he can't do anything, but he's acting like he's doing everything.

And what about Michael Cole said he's lost almost a hundred pounds?

What the fuck did he start at?

By the way, he looked better, bigger now that I see him.

Well, because 100 pounds of weight loss, he's had no

discernible physique to the point where i would say he's almost stoop shouldered

there's no arms there there's no muscle tone it's admirable if he's losing weight if he

if he was trying to be what he looks like which is a 40 year old car salesman that tries to play basketball on the playground with the kids on weekends it's admirable he's lost 100 pounds He's trying to be a pro wrestler.

He may have lost the only look that he had that was any good if he was 400 fucking pounds.

But but my God, again, when he teased the dive a time or two, and it was like he looks to the hard camera.

He knows where the camera is, and he knows the motions to make.

It just, again, looks ludicrous when he makes them.

It looks like he's a SpongeBob SquarePants character down at the bottom of the ocean, kind of waving in the

sea.

So anyway.

But the other thing that you're kind of glossing past is he behaves like this.

And BFAB at Ringside, she's got a great look.

She's also behaving like this is a big deal.

The fans are not reacting to anything he does.

They've already decided that they don't like him.

They don't like Hit Row.

They're not interested.

And that's, you know, it's like he's leading, he's conducting an invisible choir with the fans in his head that are cheering for him and anticipating this.

So finally,

he teased the dive a time or two, and finally,

he went for it.

And they had contrived the situation where almost everybody in the match, I think maybe everybody in the match, was over on one side of the ring to attempt to

be the catchers for this fucking fiasco.

And he sees he's in the ring all by himself, and he looks at the hard camera and gives it the look like, oh, and he gives some kind of finger sign.

He should have given the thumbs down.

I think it was just three fingers down and a thumb up your ass.

I don't know what the fucking sign was supposed to be.

Eddie hits the far ropes.

Eddie starts running across the ring

and he jumps headfirst.

And Brian, you've seen the guys do, Undertaker did this one year at WrestleMania.

Where you do the headfirst dive and the hands out, it's like Superman taking off out the window and going over the top rope.

And you've seen it before where a guy will get all the way over the rope and then his feet will hang on the top and that will stop his momentum and he'll go crashing face first to the ground.

You've seen that a number of times, right?

I have, yeah.

Well, this wasn't that.

What this was,

was this fucking guy

did the goddamn George Reeves fucking push off and the Superman jump out the window on the old TV series.

And the only part of him that made it over the top rope was his arms, his head, and his chest.

His belly caught the top rope

and because he had flown into it with all of his heart and soul, him hitting that top rope

with his stomach so fast immediately snapped him upside down to where his fucking feet flew straight up in the air.

And his head not just went headfirst to the apron, but he was spinning at such a rate that his face flew underneath the bottom rope.

He almost dove over the top rope and ended up back in the ring.

I've never, that would be impossible, but he almost did it.

So when he came down, his feet are going over now, and his head and chest are underneath the bottom rope, which has the luck of fools and whales,

has turned him over to where he didn't go headfirst to the floor.

And he just rolls off the apron of the fucking ring on his feet and walks off like he did something.

And meanwhile, everybody that was standing there waiting for it,

they all just fell down anyway.

He never even touched anybody, and they all just crumpled to the ground.

I have never,

it was like the top rope gave him a big backdrop.

I have seen guys use the ropes for moves, but I've never seen the one of the ropes use a guy for a move.

You know what?

And this is one of those cases where WWE production helped because they made it look a lot better than it was.

Oh, yes, because the fan cam footage on Twitter from different angles of it showed just how ridiculous, because you couldn't tell from the official TV version how far he was from missing everybody that fell down anyway.

You could still,

I mean, there was no way around the fucking flip.

But then,

did you ever see his tweet afterwards, after I told you about it?

Well, he blocked me, apparently, at some point.

So I didn't.

Well, I'm blocked too, but the fucking.

Websites were actually picking it up, going, look at this, what this guy's saying now.

And they would embed it in there.

But basically, after this

became the talk of the town, so to speak, the topic of conversation amongst polite society,

well, old Top Dollar, I guess he got his feelings hurt.

He, you know, he tweeted out, like, you know, thank God, prayer hands or whatever, that I'm okay.

My foot gave out.

His foot gave out on the jump, is what happened.

And he

tweeted a clip to prove that he could do it.

He said, here's a clip of me when I was 50 pounds heavier.

And apparently it's, I guess, at the performance center because I assume he's been in the WWE program.

He's never wrestled for anybody else.

So it had to be at a performance center.

This wasn't the performance center itself.

It was like a small rec center or something, a performance center show in Florida.

It was one or two rows of ringside, that type of thing.

Everybody's got to learn somewhere.

I'm not knocking that, but I'm saying this was not on television.

And he tweeted this clip.

He said, I'm 50 pounds heavier.

Here I am doing.

Well, in this case, yes, he's exactly right.

He took off running and he dove over the top rope and he cleared that some bitch.

And he went straight over the other side and went right in between all the people that were trying to catch him face first to the fucking floor.

And that's the clip that he tweeted to prove that he could actually do it.

So he can prove he got over the rope, but he still had never proved that he can actually hit this fucking thing.

In general, is that a bad idea?

The whole idea, well, you saw me botch this, but look, I used to be able to do it.

Well, yes.

I mean, there's so many bad ideas and things wrong with that wrapped up.

The one is that he's doing it anyway.

He wants to be cool.

You can tell he thinks he's cool already, and he wants to be cooler.

A 300 and whatever pound guy, marked down from 400 and whatever,

shouldn't be doing a goddamn dive over the top rope, even if he can, unless it's the Undertaker at WrestleMania.

I'll go for that

when somebody's getting a seven-figure payoff to do it, and somebody's getting a seven-figure payoff to stand underneath it.

But this fucking moron for a flat salary and the idiots that were standing there not knowing he wasn't going to land on him.

Here's the goddamn thing.

Again,

sure, yes, some of these

Felix over in AEW, he does a lot.

Well, no, he falls on his ass and head a lot too.

One of these acrobatic wrestlers may be able to nail this shit every time without hurting themselves or anybody else.

Maybe that's possible.

I don't know.

I can't call that person.

I've never been dove on, nor have I dove upon anyone.

I just fucking worked and made money.

But I'll tell you what,

I've known a lot of smart wrestlers and a lot of successful wrestlers and a lot of wrestlers that made a lot of money.

A lot of wrestlers made a lot more money in the wrestling business than I have.

And I don't know any of them

for just every goddamn television match or every time they're in a house show or every time they're anywhere that they would want to stand there at ringside

underneath some moron diving off of or over the ropes onto them, whether they were singly standing there or in a fucking group.

How many times have we, it was that Ridge Holland?

He caught a guy on a fucking dive, blew his fucking quad and had surgery and was out for months and months and months.

Same thing happened 20 years ago to goddamn Scott Putsky's son, or Scott, Scott Ivan Putsky's son Scott called Brian Christopher blew his fucking leg we've seen guys land on their heads we've seen guys give themselves concussions we've seen guys turn ankles or whatever the fucking not the worked turned ankle of the balding buck the other week but actual injuries but besides that what nobody is thinking about and i'm surprised is not more prevalent

If you're standing there, even if you're in a group of five wrestlers that should be able to catch 300 pounds, you're not catching a 300-pound sack.

You're catching, especially this uncoordinated whale-like individual allegedly going to fly over the top rope.

Where are his elbows coming?

The top rope's nine feet off the fucking ground.

So the guy's going to be coming from 10 feet, whether he's 200 pounds or 250 or 165 or 300.

No matter how coordinated he is, he's flipping, he's spinning, he's doing a back flip.

Where's his knees coming?

Where's his elbows coming?

Where's the back of his head coming?

If a bunch of people are reaching up to catch him

and he's coming at a high rate of speed and he weighs a couple hundred pounds, where do their elbows go related to my fucking face if I'm behind them?

It's stupid for something that everybody does in every fucking match.

It's a needless risk for a momentary pop that all it does is look phony and give the trampoline cowboy fans something to fucking clap about for 10 seconds and give them a quiz.

Stand at the door at the end of the show as they're all filing out of the arena

and say,

describe the most impressive flip of the night and who was standing there to catch the guy.

And see how many can put down all the fucking names.

So you just risked your goddamn face in your dental work or potentially fucking blowing a knee

or whatever the case to be a miscellaneous extra in a fucking mosh pit to catch some idiot that may or may not be hitting his target.

Fuck you.

Have you ever seen someone try to?

I can't even say without laughing.

Have you ever seen someone before try to dive over the top rope?

That side shot from the fan cam showed it.

He didn't even leave the ground.

I mean, it wasn't even like a jumpy you can't even call it a jumpie

like just

the top the top rope of the ring is in the wwe is approximately five feet off the off the mat

and he hit it with just the exactly his center of gravity his belly button area and he's six foot six

So

he was standing on his tippy toes and got three inches of air at best.

And actually, that used to be the way that Bill Dundee took his over-the-top rope bump on purpose because he was, he was, I've never seen anybody else do it.

And he could nail it.

It looked fantastic in that you would throw him and he would just go stomach first into the rope, bend at the waist, handstand off the apron without holding any of the ropes and go off onto the concrete floor.

And that was a fucking great bump.

He was taking it on purpose, not by accident.

This fucking guy, and the rib is this guy couldn't do this again in a million years.

If he tried every day for the rest of his life, he'll never do that again.

How much longer do you think the hit row project will be on the air?

Boy, unless there's pictures of somebody and goats,

I think they're already looking for a way to, because they've already shortened everything up.

Their matches are as short as they can get.

But my, I mean, this, this was the spectacular botch, but every, you know,

the one kid, what, Ashante, he might be all right, but in between,

the girl just stares and looks out of place and dances around with the long legs.

You can tell she doesn't.

And they tried to have a match, they booked a match with her a couple weeks ago and didn't actually have it.

So that shows where her progress is at.

So

this guy bumps like a drunk in a slip and slide is basically what

anyway

uh oh but there's more to the match now wait a minute we we we got to get to the finish because they got the girls at ringside so the girls got in and did spots with each other and it looked like they nearly killed themselves one came off the turnbuckles to the floor with a herc and rana that fucking went sideway i don't know what the fuck But then finally, the finish

was one of the lucha suits was going to run at Top Dollar, and and Top Dollar was going to scoop him up for a double team move where he would scoop him up and hold him in his arms like you were rocking a baby to sleep.

And Ashante was going to drop kick the guy while he was up in his arms.

He was going to go backwards with him, right?

Can you visualize that?

Somewhat.

Well, they can't.

Because apparently,

again,

as much preparation goes into these things, they had to have to come up with this move.

If it was was their idea, which I don't know why an agent would say, do this.

So it had to be their idea.

They had to have at least gotten a ring and said, look, I'll pick you up like this and he'll come from here.

And when they got to it, it fell the fuck apart.

The guy's coming off the ropes at Top Dollar.

Top Dollar goes to scoop him up.

And when he scoops him up, the guy's momentum is still going.

So Top Dollar almost loses him.

He bends over and he's trying to keep him up in his arms, but they almost fell through the fucking ropes on the other side of the ring.

The guy in Top Dollar's arms had to grab the top rope to steady himself so the Top Dollar could get under him to pick him up.

Well, now Top Dollar has turned around and he's got him up in his arms like the rocking baby.

But now Ashante is not on the right side

of dollar to do the drop kick.

Dollar.

So instead of being in front, he should have been right in front.

Go back and watch the DVR.

He should have been right in front of Dollar and jump up and drop kick the guy in the chest, but instead he's on the right side, 90-degree angle of dollar.

So he just jumped up

and kicked the fucking guy that Dollar was holding wherever he could hit him, which

basically knocked Dollar off balance and he just fell backwards with the fucking guy.

And And they said, and Top Dollar sold their own finish.

He was laid there.

He took the bump, and Adonis pinned the fucking guy while Dollar is laying there selling their own fucking finish with a look of pain on his face and holding his ribs because it probably hurt him.

Oh, goddammit.

Oh, we might.

I'm about to get the vapors.

I'll tell you what.

Oh,

Whoa, it was a scream.

Extended scream.

A scream over on SmackDown this past week.

Was that the main event?

No, no.

The main event was the bloodline.

That was just the match that probably ran all the people off.

Well,

there was more Miz and Snoopy.

And the weekend attendance was 161,892.

What do you think the real weekend attendance was?

Did they say they had like 65,000 tickets out for each night a day or two beforehand?

Something like that.

Probably like 135,000 or something.

But

this counts everybody that was working in the stadium, all the parking attendants, anybody that was around EMT crew,

fucking homeless bums.

It is California, sleeping in the street outside in the parking lot.

Spirits who died during the construction of the building.

Jimmy Hoffa

is buried underneath that.

They counted him too.

So

Miz was upset at Snoop because he put him in a match the previous night.

And Snoop said, you want to do it again?

And I guess Miz wasn't done complaining because he's like, well, you ruined my suit.

I don't come to your studio and show you how to rap.

And I'm thinking, boy, if they brought out L.A.

Knight right now

and he just beat the shit out of the Miz, how big do you think that pop would have been?

I was waiting to figure out who it would be.

That was my first guess just because of what's been happening.

Why not capture that moment, have that here?

LA night in LA.

That's at WrestleMania beating up The Miz, the movie star.

Instead, this turned into one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my entire life.

I was losing it watching.

You know, I couldn't, I couldn't laugh because I've told you before, Shane's my favorite one.

I like like him.

He's got his piccadillos, but he's a good, he was a good kid.

He's a nice guy at heart, right?

And he, it just,

I guarantee you that he probably called Vince and said, Dad, can I do Mania one more time?

I've been working out.

I'm in shape.

And

I guarantee you that's, and I want to redeem myself.

What was it, the Royal Rumble last year?

He He didn't make a good impression.

And so they

were going to have, folks, if you didn't see this,

they were going to have Shane come down and have an impromptu match with The Miz

and do what I assume Shane was going over.

So Snoop.

You're not doing it any justice.

This was such an all-time escape.

Well, hold on.

I'm just saying what they were going to do.

His music hits.

you hear that here comes the muddy thing and then here comes old shane mcmah bopping all around the stage doing his thing you already knew that something was gonna go wrong well because

he was huge he looked did you see how puffy he was he was jacked up like a jacked up dana white with hair his face was round

And he's 50, he's almost 55 now, right?

Because I'm over 60.

He's about seven or eight years younger than me.

Anyway.

Shane McMahon is 53 years old.

Okay.

So he's fucking, he's huge.

He's wearing the tight shirt, showing the big arms, and he's dancing and doing the Ali shuffling the whole nine yards.

And when he gets in the ring, he gets the microphone.

And

he didn't really do a promo just to say to the fans, hey, I love you guys.

Thank you for that response.

You know, sends his love.

He was blowed up already because he'd been so hyper.

And then

Snoop here, he didn't exactly set this up in a stellar fashion.

He's just like they played the music.

Shane comes out.

He said, Let's get a referee.

And no, you're in there.

I'm out here or whatever.

And the bell rings.

And Shane immediately starts with the rabbit jabs.

Boom, boom, boom.

And Miz is back in the corner.

And then Shane backs Miz up and shoots him off and drops down.

And here's,

before I tell people what happened, Brian,

in any wrestling school, one of the most elementary fucking things that you would ever learn is you don't shoot a guy off and either let him come off the ropes and give you a move, or you don't shoot a guy off by the arm and drop down.

If you drop down, you need to shoot a guy off out of a headlock because then you're committing an offensive move in defense, right?

He's in control.

You're throwing him off of you.

When you're in control of the guy's arm,

you're throwing him into the ropes and then dropping down to avoid a move that he shouldn't be able to give you.

Have I made that somewhat clear?

I think so, yeah.

Okay.

So Shane arm whips Miz off and drops down because he's got to get some space so he can do his leapfrog because Shane has, I guess, decided one of the things he wants to do to show his athleticism is his big high leapfrog.

When he was like in the air at a leapfrog, you think he's thinking, wait until Endeavor sees this.

They're going to need me around.

You know what?

When he hit the height, that was a high leapfrog and he spread those legs out and goddamn.

You could just hear

the front row and it would have spread starting the you've still got it chant.

They went

still,

and then he landed,

and then he buckled, and he went down to the left and spun around over on his fucking hands and knees.

And now, Miz is coming off the ropes,

and he, after he's been leapfrogged, he's coming off the ropes, and he sees Shane.

Shane is down, Shane is down, as Renee Goulet might say.

So he runs runs past Shane thinking Shane has stumbled, and Shane will stand up.

If I just run past him and come off the other side, Shane will be back up on his feet by the time I come back to him.

And so Miz runs past Shane, who's on his hands and knees, starting to get up.

And as Shane gets up and puts weight on his leg, he realizes that he can't get up and he crumples face first to the mat.

And Miz comes off the other side of the ropes.

And it's like this time Shane tried to fucking

drop down for real and trip Miz's feet out from under him and Miz just had to stop and stand there and stare at him and then

Shane is groveling on the ground because he's turned over on his back and he's he's yelled something probably I'm fucked

And then Miz backs up in the corner and just has this blank look

and

then the referee goes check on Shane, who obviously cannot get to his feet.

And I love that this is a new McMahon thing.

The surprise appearance and it blowing out your quads.

All right, you've told the people he didn't blow.

I thought he blew his knee.

But apparently, the news after the match was

he tore his quad, the same thing that Vince did.

And that's the only thing that's funny at all about it.

Poor Shane, I was so embarrassed for him.

But the doctor comes in and is checking on him.

And here comes, of all people, now you see the referee, the female referee, she

puts her hand to her ear.

She's trying to hear her earpiece.

I'm pretty sure they're probably

telling her something, but I didn't see her have time to talk to Snoop.

And I didn't see Miz.

Miz just stood there with a blank look on his face.

Snoop Dogg comes back in, said, no, it can't be like that, and fucking punches Miz.

And down goes Miz.

And then I think

that the referee may have told him, yeah, do it again, or Miz called it or something, because Miz gets back up and he nails Miz again.

And then

Snoop Dogg, as they've slid Shane out, you never saw him again.

Snoop Dogg gives Miz the stiffest people's elbow.

He actually did jump up in the air and drop elbow first on this man's sternum.

It looked like shit until it got there and then it hurt and covered him one, two, three.

So Snoop Dogg pins Miz at WrestleMania.

I watched the press conference afterwards, and Triple H put him over big time.

He said a lot of wrestlers in that position would have frozen, not known what to do.

Yeah, like Miz.

This guy, we always knew he was a fan.

He's done other things.

He showed us that he actually has instincts here to go in there and he saved the segment.

And

if this is the last appearance of Shane McMahon.

That's the sad thing.

I feel so bad for Shane and

his kids are so nice and he's just

so embarrassing.

Can you imagine?

The last time he's there is that Royal Rumble where he didn't look that great in a match and it appeared appeared something was off.

And then we found out something was off and they told him never come back ever again.

And then he shows up here.

And just seconds into it,

and he's

laughing too.

I'm sorry I find that so funny.

It's so funny.

And he's going to, he's fucked his life up for the next six months.

Because that will be surgery and recovery and rehab.

And

if he worked for Tony Khan, the company would pay for it.

Yeah, I wonder if he's going to turn this one into the WWF for the new company.

What's his WrestleMania payoff going to be?

Oh, my God.

Have I told you the Glenn Kulka story?

No.

You remember that, right?

I remember Glenn Kulka, but what story?

Glenn Kulka was a big

muscle builder.

tough-looking guy that had played he was from Canada and he had played for the Canadian Football League, and he was a big-time amateur athlete, and he was an early developmental guy.

Before

I came down to

OVW, when they were sending guys down to Memphis to Randy Hale's Power Pro Wrestling, Glenn was part of that.

He was very early developmental program, like first of the, you know, first half a dozen or so guys.

Yeah, that's where I remember him from, Memphis.

Yeah.

And he was a badass-looking guy, and he was a nice guy and kind of got the the picture and everything but he had just started training and so dr tom pritchard had worked with him and he's one of dory funk jr had worked with him and he'd been in memphis and everything and

they goddamn i can't remember the particulars but somehow or another there was a big independent show in his hometown

that they had booked and they booked him on so he could go and he could appear and it was either his hometown or his home the college he graduated from or whatever.

But it was, there's a big crowd in this gym and they're all there to see Glenn Kulka.

And he comes out and makes the big entrance and gets in the ring and jumps up on the second rope and does the thing where, yay.

And, you know, he's got his arms up and the crowd is exulting him.

And he's so fired up and he's so happy, this infectious crowd behind him.

He jumps off the second turnbuckle and turns and jumps back into the middle of the ring and lands and breaks his fucking leg.

Boom!

Down he goes.

And

they carried him out.

That's the thing.

Whoever Shane said goodbye to in the back before he went out, like seconds later, he was being guarded right past them.

And

well, while we're on the subject of embarrassing debuts, remember Mike Furness's hot tag in Knoxville?

That was for you.

Yes.

Doug Furness, the world's strongest man,

incredible Japanese star.

He went to the University of Tennessee, was a football star, was legitimately one of the strongest men in the world.

Everybody knows who Doug Furness is, right?

And he's the one that ripped the door off the cage in Knoxville.

It led to me stealing it for Kane to rip the door off the hell in cell.

And he called me when I was running Smoky Mountain and said, my brother Mike, who also played football at the University of Tennessee, was a good amateur athlete.

My brother Mike,

he wants to learn how to wrestle.

If you guys will train him and break him in, I'll come out.

Because by then Doug was living in California, he went to Japan so much for BABA, like every six weeks, but he would come out and work.

like the big Christmas show and some of my big events at Knoxville, right?

Okay, a great local hero.

So

we

train Mike as best we can.

Horner worked with him and I think Tom and Jimmy Del Rey because we were going to make the match, the Furnace Brothers, against the Heavenly Bodies, Tom Pritchard and Jimmy Del Rey.

So he worked with Mike and Mike made some TV appearances and he was not He was not either a natural in the ring or a natural promo.

You could tell it wasn't the, he wasn't his brother Doug, unfortunately.

Not to say he wasn't a nice fella.

But, you know, Doug's going to be in, right?

So we shoot the angle where we beat up Mike Furnace.

He calls his brother Doug Christmas night in Knoxville, the big event, our biggest crowd, one of our big crowds of the year, that and the big August show.

And it's going to be the Furnace Brothers against heavenly bodies.

Well,

because Mike was going to continue on with us.

you know, and continue wrestling, whereas Doug would only make an appearance here and there.

And also because Doug was more experienced, Doug said, I'll sell, get the heat on me,

and then let's give Mike the tag.

He can make the comeback and then we'll do, you know, the finish.

And that way I can get it right for Mike and he'll look like a bit, okay, perfect, right?

So Doug Furnace,

the heavenly bodies get him in a ring and he's selling his ass off and they're kicking the shit out of him.

And I'm drawing the referee and they're double teaming him and people are getting hot.

We're trying to build for this big hot tag.

And finally, the heavenly bodies go for their, I think it was, if I can't, if I remember right, Tom is holding Doug, and Jimmy comes off the top with his big moonsalt body block.

And Doug moves, and Tom flatten or Jimmy flattens Tom and they're both down.

And Doug struggles to the corner and dive and makes the tag.

And Tom's coming up.

And as Mike steps through the ropes, he runs as fast and as hard as he can, three steps, and leaps up in the air and hits Tom Pritchard with a flying clothesline.

and Tom takes a big bump and Mike spins around in the air and lands on the mat and continues rolling and rolls all the way out of the ring on the other side and drops to the floor.

Just couldn't stop himself and went right under the bottom rope and disappeared.

And Jimmy.

Jimmy Del Rey is coming up to take the second clothesline and turns around and Tom's laying there flat on his back and there's nobody else in the fucking ring.

And then you see, you see a hand come up on the other side of the apron and grab the bottom rope.

And he's pulling,

he pulled himself in and slid right back in and ran as fast as he could at Jimmy and leveled him for the clothesline.

And God damn, I'm nervous.

He went from the apron of one side of the the ring, through the ropes into the ring, through the air down and under the bottom rope on the other side of the ring in like two and a half seconds.

Oh, God damn it.

Do you think it'll be SummerSlam or the Royal Rumble when Stephanie comes back to wave to the fans and blow out her quad?

The question is.

Maybe at Halloween, they could have a special three-legged race with Shane and Vince tied together.

All right, you know what's funny?

Did Vince even blow out his quads last year?

What happened when Vince couldn't take the stunner?

He didn't blow out his quads, did he?

No, he just crumpled like a goddamn fucking used slinky.

And that's the same with Shane's legs.

They look exactly the same.

Every year, there's going to be a segment when the McMahons come out there and just flop around the room.

And here he is, ladies and gentlemen.

He walks, he talks, he crawls on his belly like a reptile.

Shane McMahon.

I feel so bad.

No, with the stunner, Vince just,

I think,

well, I don't know.

You want to talk feeling bad?

It was Shane.

Shane, famous last words.

Hey, dad, we should buy UFC.

So now let's see.

When they got home, now Vince says to Shane, well, Shane, god damn it, pal, you blew your quad out WrestleMania 30 seconds in.

And he can say, well, you motherfucker at the Royal Rumble, you blew both your quads just sliding into the ring.

And then he can say, besides, I told you to buy that UFC.

Now look where we are.

Oh, well, I told you WrestleMania was fun.

God damn it.

So anyway, who else fell out of the ring I can think of?

See, the problem is, Shane's going to go, I can't let that be the last time I'm seen on the grandest stage of them all.

And what's the other option?

It's either I come at you, I do the simple stuff, or I dive off a giant structure.

Hey, I'm worried about what next time it'll be.

You know what?

Here is a very interesting thing.

Is the new $21 billion company to be named whatever

that's not

completely and totally operated by the WWE.

Are they going to allow

a 53-year-old father of two who hasn't wrestled in several years, come out and do something like that?

Or even a 56-year-old Stone Cold Steve Austin or a however-year-old whoever the guy.

Well, it's funny.

On CNBC earlier, Scott Watner asked Ari Emmanuel and Vince McMahon, he said, what if Mr.

McMahon, the character, wants to come in and do something in the ring?

Is that okay?

And before Ari Emmanuel answered, Vince is like, oh, he's dead.

The other character's dead.

But Ari Emmanuel said, yes, whatever he wants to do, he's allowed to do.

So I think they're going to still operate under Vince's rules.

No, but think about this.

I agree.

The liability is much bigger.

They might have

until their legal department.

Hey.

Sinclair Broadcasting, they were a billion-dollar company, at least on paper, when they bought Ring of Honor.

Point me to your legal department.

And listen here.

We were in Charleston, West Virginia.

The goddamn, I get a phone call from the legal department saying that the guys can't take part in a chicken wing eating contest at Hooters that night that was our sponsor.

Or the fans couldn't.

The guys could, but the fans couldn't, or something.

I said, what are you telling?

Well, there's a liability.

I said, wait a minute.

So if one of these motherfuckers chokes on a fucking chicken bone at Hooters because we said, hey, get in a contest to see if you can eat more chicken wings than Jay Briscoe, they're going to be able to sue us.

Oh, it could.

God, I threw my cell phone all the way across the building.

So what I'm saying to you is now that live in front of 60 to 80,000 people, depending on the report, and God and everybody on.

pay-per-view and streaming television, Shane McMahon seriously injured himself and is going to require surgery.

He's 53 years old doing a leapfrog.

Are they going to have another situation where, okay, if you're past such and such age, you can't participate or you've got to pass a physical for any kind of

interaction because they don't understand what can be worked and what can't be?

I mean, Steve Austin could come out.

He's not going to try to do a fucking leapfrog.

He's got a bad knee, but he can still be Steve Austin as we saw doing Steve Austin things.

But will they be able to differentiate that between the people that can get by with it and do what they need to do and won't hurt themselves and the people that

obviously or apparently can't?

And how do you do?

Who's going to be determining that?

The legal department?

Liability?

Multi-billions of dollars?

It's not like, you know, well, dad said I could anymore.

Anyway, and speaking of liability, the next match, but answer me that there, Brian Last.

What do you think?

Until we're shown otherwise, I'm going to go under the assumption you're going to keep doing things the way they do it.

They are better about these things than AEW.

I think we will see at WrestleMania 40, Shane versus Dante Martin,

the big match.

But, you know, I mean, Shane shouldn't be out there to begin with.

Shane's got a better chance of being on WrestleMania 40 than Dante Martin, but go ahead.

But I mean, Shane shouldn't be out there to begin with.

There's a difference between a Steve Austin being billed to be there and used in a limited capacity to take advantage of his star power versus a 50-something who

shouldn't be doing.

You know, it's one thing when Shane went out there and just delivered the bad punches.

Okay.

And then you set him up for Snoop to do something.

But as soon as he went to do something physical that he can't do, it just made the whole thing look bad.

Well, and I'm not arguing with you about that.

I'm saying that I think that somebody in the legal department wouldn't know the difference in how that could be handled.

Whose legal department?

Does WWE maintain their own legal department or is it part of Endeavor's?

See, that's the thing.

How many jobs in corporate are going to be eliminated because of redundancy?

And also duplication.

But then we get to the part of the program, Brian, that I made you watch

the debut of a brand new super diva.

And I heard about this, and somebody had tweeted, What in the world is Corned gonna say?

And it was before I intended to watch the program anyway, but it was before I'd actually watched it.

So I'm looking out for all I know is this

person's name,

and here it became.

You saw it, right?

You saw the whole thing.

Yeah, I'll just get it out of the way before you even ask.

My only thoughts: it's like if Mabel fucked gold dust,

this is what would happen.

So, ladies and gentlemen, all of you who didn't watch NXT, and that's a bunch of you,

here's what we saw: Super Diva popped up on the screen,

and in a spotlight in the entranceway in front of the screen,

was a fat guy sitting in a chair wearing sunglasses.

And the chair spins around

until you see this fucking character.

He stands up.

He's wearing a full body suit of shiny, multicolored pleather.

And he's blowing kisses to the fans on his way to the ring.

And as you mentioned, there's an element, a lot of influence of gold dust on this, where he's constantly

feeling himself and refreshing himself with

and the gestures that Goldust did.

And as well, it does look like Mabel if Mabel lost 200 pounds and didn't have any of the skin tightened up.

In this outfit, he looks like if Mabel was a popped Macy's parade balloon,

a human waterbed, perhaps, might be a more apt description.

You could show a drive-in movie on his bulbous ass and his man boobs look like two possums fighting in a pillowcase.

And this

exhibition is what's coming down the entranceway to get into the ring

to fight a guy named Sean Gallagher.

And the announcer

was actually trying to, and I mean, he was, you could tell in his voice that he was asked to impart this information and he was doing it with a verbal eye roll.

But the announcer was building this guy up as a big deal, beloved by the fans.

He brings joy to everyone.

Listen to the crowd, the ovation.

They're at

their performance center location, and it's all the friends and family.

And they mustered up 30 people to fucking chant Quincy, Quincy.

Quincy Elliott is this guy's name.

And he started the match by shaking his ass at the guy, feeling himself up like gold dust,

and doing an odd

little dance that made his mud flaps bounce over and over.

I'm surprised he didn't blacken both of his eyes.

This guy,

I've seen fat guys

all the way up to the Maguire twins in wrestling, and I've seen Giants, and I've seen oddities, and I've seen people with deformities.

I have never seen anybody that looked less like that they should be a professional athlete of any type being portrayed as a professional athlete than this guy.

I could win a bodybuilding contest against this guy as I sit here right now if me and him were the only ones in it.

That's how bad he looks.

And obviously, there was very little match.

The guy took his arm, grabbed a wrist lock.

He rolled through the wrist lock and blew a kiss at the guy, threw two punches, hit the ropes in a very odd way.

came off with a flying uppercut,

dragged the guy over to the corner,

did more, like Goldust meets Yokozuna, gets up on the ropes, does the Goldust thing, and does the bonsai drop.

One, two, three.

And I thought, I have really got to pick up the pace of my fast-forwarding.

What is the audience for something like this?

How are they, they're trying to revamp their program on this same program.

They're changing the logo.

They're making a statement that

they might evolve, but they're always going to be around, which is another way of saying we're sorry what we've showed you the last year.

They obviously Triple H has in mind

to make NXT more important.

And they've supposedly made Sean Michaels the one in charge.

Is this

Sean Michaels now unable to control his sense of humor

and thinks we ought to, you know.

But I mean, what's next after this?

JoJo, the dog-faced boy?

How is that?

It's not like

there have been a ton of fucking

rotten-looking physical specimens in one way or another in wrestling that were talented at either speaking or working and could draw some money because of their bizarre appearance.

I can't see any of them in this guy.

This had to be some kind of rib, some kind of joke.

Somebody thought

it'll be funny.

Look at the state of him.

You know, you can't tell me they signed this guy to a developmental contract.

And

has he ever wrestled before anywhere?

Where did he come from?

Why would you do this to a program that you're about to fucking revamp?

So

those are a lot of questions that you don't have answers to, but I'm completely in the dark of why, especially on this particular week, they would present something that looked like that.

I don't have any answers for you.

I go back to what you said earlier.

I don't know what the audience is for this.

I would like to see him against Nikita Lions.

That would be interesting.

But I don't know what the audience is for this.

I think there's an audience for,

I mean, I'm a broken record at this point.

There's an audience for serious wrestling without it turning into a talent show for fucking people that didn't do the talent show in school.

I don't know what this is, and I don't like it.

And see, this isn't even cosplay wrestling, the gymnastics, the, you know, the high school cheerleaders.

It isn't that aspect of it.

It isn't garbage deathmatch wrestling.

It's just, it's a parody.

It's just, look, let's see how much of a joke we can make this business and anybody that wants to get in it and how bad we can make our own

product and decision-making look.

It's not like this particular style of wrestling is not for you and me, Brian, but has its fans like with, as I said, the Flyers or the Lucha guys or the garbage match guys, or this guy is not, not only not good at any style of wrestling, but the only person that would be a fan of this on a wrestling program is somebody who wants to make fun of wrestling because they don't like it or they want it to look stupid or silly

to downgrade it.

Well, in that case, not a lot of those people are probably watching the wrestling program.

Just a thought.

Maybe he could wrestle.

Hey, look, this is the first time we saw him.

I saw him throw two punches, hit the ropes, throw that uppercut forearm, and do the bonsai drop.

I guarantee you that's the four or five best things he can do, or otherwise it wouldn't have just been that.

How many weeks do you think he's going to overdo it with the blowing kisses and touching himself before he realizes he's doing it too much?

He got that about 45 seconds into his debut.

Oh, it was way.

It was just so much.

Someone's got to talk to him and say, hey, a little bit, but this is the whole match.

You can't do it.

But anyway, so that was that.

That's what, and again, that's what people were talking about

after the fucking thing.

Besides the revamp of the new logo, that was the only thing that got any attention, and it was the wrong kind.

Well, there it is, the worst of WWE, Volume 1 Omnibus, Jim, a lot of matches, and again, the visit to Titan Towers and a lot of cinematic stuff.

And can't forget, although I did until I saw this Rey Mysterio losing an eye.

So many things we talked about.

Fortunately, he had an extra one at home.

And, you know, everything's fine now.

And, you know,

oh, boy, howdy, as we mentioned at the top of the program, hopefully much of these concepts or things are in the past now that

things have changed and there's a new sheriff in town, but they're still going to do some off.

I mean, model girl, once again, model girl.

There's always the chance that she could do something spectacularly bad.

They've still got some questionable concepts going on.

So we'll keep an eye out for volume two.

That we will.

And of course, it'll be wherever you find your favorite podcast on the experience and the drive-through.

You can use your eyes on YouTube, the official Jim Cornette YouTube channel, and your ears and go to the archive, patreon.com/slash Cornette.

For Jim Cornette, I'm the great Brian Last.

Tell me, ho!

Jim

of Jim Cornette

of Jim Connet