Jim Cornette Experience Special - No Power Update

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Hello again, friends, the great Brian Last here.

You there, we are back with a very special shitty audio edition of the Jim Cornette Experience, an update on weather and so much more.

And here he is, our war correspondent in the field right now, living on sticks and dirt,

the leader of the Cult of Cornet, Mr.

Jim Cornette.

Sleeping on a pile of gravel, Brian Last.

It's hard times down here in Kentucky these days.

You know, we had a plan.

And by the way, don't knock my audio.

You're lucky we're able to do this.

The next thing would have been I would send you a telegram to answer questions.

We had a plan

is the big Memorial Day weekend, the holiday where everybody gets to have fun and enjoy themselves and take the weekend off and spend with their families and their cooking out of the burgers and the dogs and things.

And it's the big pay-per-view weekend.

We had King of the Ring.

We had double or nothing.

I was hoping to be allowed to pick nothing.

And son of a gun, it was an act of

providence.

But nevertheless,

we said we're going to record

the Saturday afternoon King of the Ring, we're going to jump right on that.

We're going to Sunday morning, we're going to boom, we're going to do that part of the show, and then we're going to turn around.

and tag back into that double or nothing with a five-hour window or whatever it was on pay-per-view.

and Monday morning Memorial Day we're going to come back we're going to boom we're going to talk about that and the cult of cornets going to be so happy

and that's why as a matter of fact you don't even know this because the other news that has precluded me from bringing this up to you Brian but since I was going to have the Saturday where I didn't have to record

And I knew that I could get up early on a Sunday morning and watch the King of the Ring,

I took Saturday off.

And we went out in the backyard with Harley Harley and Stacy of Open got that big old cooker barbecuer smoker thing that we got

and she fixed that all up and we had

salmon smoked and barbecued and grilled on a cedar plank with remaulade sauce and we had chicken wings smoked in the smoker with Memphis rendezvous dry rub seasoning on them.

And the best, those quarter pound Nathan's hot dogs called the colossal ones I was telling you about in in on that grill also best hot dog ever had

we had coleslaw we had spinach dip and garlic bread all kinds of stuff on just a fine time on Saturday

and then the plan fell apart

because Sunday morning and then came the Egyptian

Then, and here comes the Egyptian.

And that's why I'm bitching.

and I can't use my kitchen because my power is all shut off

so

Sunday morning I got up and I watched King of the Ring but I was also looking at the weather forecast and I called you

and I said Brian we might have to

We might have to delay a little bit today because I don't want to be sitting on the top floor of the house wearing a headset tied into the electric power during a severe thunderstorm and lightning and everything.

Maybe, you know, we might have, they're calling for a couple of rounds of this.

We may have to do a couple of segments in and around the storms.

You said, fine, no problem.

I said, I'll call you back at noon and let you know what they say on the noon news.

So I called you back at noon

and I've been watching the weather and there say this,

these violent storms are coming in from the west.

and severe thunderstorms and high winds and possible,

you know, tornadoes.

There was tornado warnings out there in in uh southern illinois i guess and and around western kentucky paduca they're just they got hammered dawson springs got a bad storm out there

and i'm standing in my driveway talking to you on the phone and i said the wind is barely blowing i can barely see a leaf fluttering there's not a drop of rain It's not even particularly that dark and foreboding.

This radar don't look good, but it's all in the west side of town.

Maybe, maybe it's going to just pass right by us.

And that's when I walked inside to

check the TV again to see if they had an update.

And I think you might remember I said, oh, they just said they got 70 mile an hour winds in St.

Matthews.

That's about six miles from here.

I better get off the phone.

And

I go around and get Stace.

And I had already prepared our

tornado safe space under the pool table downstairs in the bar.

I believe I've mentioned the Creekstone siding that's almost a foot thick.

And all we got, the heavy blackout curtains in case a window breaks, you know, close those.

Boom, we're covered up down there.

I said, we might ought to go down.

And just then I look out the window and the wind starts.

The trees are bending over and the torrential rain out of nowhere like an RKO.

And I mean, shit's looking bad.

I said, go down now.

I grab Harley.

We got the flashlight.

She's got her phone.

We go down there.

And as she's getting next to the pool table, I got on my knees on the couch and I peeked out the curtain, right?

Just to see that end of the house where the ash tree is, where I had the neighbor, same end of the house where the neighbor lost the big 50 foot tall pine tree last year and a big chunk came out of my maple tree.

And Brian, Brian, I sound like Stephen P.

New now.

And Brian,

there was shit falling from the tree, like six or eight foot long limbs with leaves on them, shit, just like raining from the ash tree.

And there's fucking leaves and branches with leaves on them from the neighbor's yard just going by the window.

It looked like when you know Dorothy peeked out and saw the witch riding the fucking bicycle, right?

And I closed the drapes rook.

And by the time that we could even get halfway positioned in our safe space,

it had all calmed down.

Oh, and by the way, did I mention that as soon as we had got down there, boom, the power.

goes out

and I'm thinking they've blown a lion down somewhere

so anyway

as quick as we've got down there

we get back out of there because now it's just raining but the wind has gone by it took like five minutes and

and I look out there

shit laying everywhere in everybody's yard all

thankfully smaller stuff except for

The top of the chestnut tree down by the front fence in my front yard, just like a 15 or 20 foot section, broke off of the top and cut a flip and stuck into the ground next to the chestnut tree where it looked like I suddenly had an extra 15 or 20 foot tree that just grew up there.

It would have goddamn

omened anybody that was standing underneath that.

They would have been impaled like Vlad de Rakul had been after them.

And come to find out, they've had, we heard one yesterday.

There was one fatality yesterday.

A guy with a tree fell on him.

And then

this morning, when we're trying to get these news updates without running the phone battery down,

I think they had four fatalities so far from all the shit yesterday.

But anyway, so

we look around.

Well, everything major is okay.

We ain't got no power.

I call you back and I apprise you of the situation.

No, we've texted you.

Stacy did the fancy damn texting.

we're okay no power don't count on today

and then they were calling for more storms to come through last night

but and and they did and more on that in a second

but apparently we're calling the electric company yesterday afternoon and the the automated Zabada, and then we're watching the news.

They had 60,000 people

just in the metro Louisville area without power.

And apparently southern and southwestern Kentucky got worse storms than we did.

So, but they were making progress because by about 9 o'clock last night, they only had 30,000 without power.

Coincidentally, that's about 30 minutes before the next round of storms came through.

But apparently having 80 to 90 mile an hour straight line winds, torrential rain, and severe thunderstorms in the afternoon saved us from having bad weather

because it sucked a lot of the energy out of the atmosphere.

They said if we had not had that, then what came through last night would have probably obliterated everything off the map down to a depth of about 10 feet, I guess, from the way things are going these days.

So

these were only a paltry 50 or 60 mile an hour winds.

and did the same goddamn thing, five minutes of, and it's through.

And we call the electric company after that, and they were up to 45,000 people without power.

So right now,

here at the castle,

I went out this morning and got several bags of ice down at our local convenience establishment.

And on the way down there, just five or six houses down over the hill where I couldn't see from my house, They had one lane of my little road blocked off because a giant tree had snapped over and took a line with it but it wasn't a power line it's a goddamn spectrum truck they were sitting there working on it so if we did have electricity we wouldn't have any internet either

so how about them apples

all right are you still here i'm listening to the whole storm report what do you want me to tell you well it's a i'm goddamn edward r murrow i'm calling this is london you sound like london kentucky you sound like you're about to call the hindenburg disaster or maybe the Enola Gay going down the tarmac?

Well, but humanity.

The humanity of the whole thing.

And the worst part is, I can't now watch TV to have Mark Weinberg, my local weather nerd, tell me all the statistics about how much fucking shit that we went through.

So last night was AEW double or nothing.

What have you heard about it so far?

You know what?

I've got people on the rooftop shouting from across the street about AEW.

I haven't heard shit because I can't hear from anybody.

I'm on a landline with you right now, plugged into the wall the way God intended it.

That works.

My answer machine won't work.

And my goddamn cordless handset won't work.

But as long as I'm only a foot and a half away from his fucking base, I can talk on the phone.

You want me to give you some spoilers?

Want me to tell you what happened?

No, I don't give a shit.

Vince McMahon showed up.

He's now managing the elite.

Well, as long as he didn't pay more than $2 billion for the company.

No, no, no, he wouldn't.

But no, so so that's that's why we are doing this special update because we are trying to make plans now here and here's another thing

yes i have already made plans to journey over to the feather bottoms home in which to record more extensive

audio of our weekend and the festivities and the wrestling But I can't do it right now because we're trying to see if not only can we get the electric back on, but whether Stace wants to take harley and go over to our friends in versales if this is because we're trying to listen to some news reports about it they said

i'm trying to remember the term was this could be a multiple day outage for much of the county because of the chaos that was wrought

And we're trying to get that together.

And then, so I ain't going to tell her, oh, by the way, you ain't got any way to cook and we can't bathe because we can't heat the fucking water but i'm going to go to the feather bottoms and watch a four-hour aew pay-per-view that would not fly well you're going to get the real aew experience you won't bathe and then you'll go watch the pay-per-view a very you know that's a good actually if i wasn't in such a cranky mood i would applaud you for that and also i can't reach my goddamn sound effects machine

But anyway, but in the in the various, and as soon as I get the people that are supposed to be here by tomorrow to come over over and clean up some various things that are laying all around my property,

then I'm going to be chucking off to the feather bottoms and we're going to get some programming laid down and out for the fine cult of Cornet members.

But until then,

I'm camping out.

I'm roughing it the hard way.

And

I guess roughing it the hard way is a, that's like putting a hat on a hat, isn't it?

That would be a double negative.

If I was roughing it the hard way, that would mean I was taking it easy.

This is a good time for you to catch up on your phone calls.

Since your phone's working, we've established that.

There must be thousands of people waiting to hear from you.

Yeah, thanks a lot.

Now you bury me.

I got other shit going on here.

I'm living on the fat of the land, the pioneer days.

Actually,

I've got a chest of ice for cooling and a chest of ice for drinking.

I didn't want to mix my cooling ice with my drinking ice.

Does that mean that I fail as a roughing it type of camper, outdoorsman?

Could I go on survivor?

I don't know if they've bought an extra bag of charcoal and four more D batteries.

Four more D batteries?

What do you need the D batteries for?

Flashlights?

Well, you know what?

We got the flashlights, but I have a battery-operated lantern.

When I'm walking around the house holding this thing, it's like, bring out your dead.

Bring out your dead.

But it's a battery-operated lantern.

And since it was so deadly fucking quiet last night that I was up till four o'clock in the morning I can't sleep there's no hum of the fan there's no blowing of the air conditioner there's no slight television audio left up just so you know it's on and the the light of the TV is my night light Stace and I disagree on the volume I like it a little louder she likes it all the way down but we agree we need some night light

even even Harley is used to all these things it was like a tomb So I was up at 4 o'clock in the morning reading

the Hawaii encyclopedia that was provided to us by Mike Rogers and Frank Culbertson, all those guys out in the Northwest.

And now I have whiplash from trying to turn in such a manner that I could read this giant book from lantern light when that was the only source of light in the entire room and the shadows were at issue.

These things weigh heavily upon me.

But point is 4D batteries go in my lantern so I can read at night.

That'd be a good blurb for the book.

This book's so good, I got whiplash.

Well, this book's so good, I bought 4D batteries.

Have you seen those prices these days?

I have not.

I have not.

That's ridiculous.

So that's where we are.

Have we answered the questions of the multitudes of the faithful that are trying to get my impressions on these piss poor pay-per-views of this past weekend when instead I'm out here reliving the daniel boone days

well i think everyone's happy to know you're alive and uh as cranky

i wouldn't make that statement as a blanket fucking statement i think you've got to throw some qualifiers in there well maybe so but uh people will certainly appreciate the update here from

you seem to love to mention daniel boone lately is he has it daniel boone and the red

what a doer what a dream come a true was daniel boone from the coonskin cap on the top of old Dan to the heel of his raw hide.

See, men were tough back in those days.

They had raccoons sitting on their head,

fucking

deer skin on their feet.

Well, you could do that.

You got raccoons.

You got deer.

Yeah, but I'm not going to put them on my head and feet.

Why not?

Your ass.

All right.

Well,

this is degenerating into the usual nonsense, ladies and gentlemen.

Jim, any other comments here for the listeners?

Yeah, yeah, don't yell at us on Twitter.

Well, yell at me on Twitter all you want because we're late because I can't see fucking Twitter.

And goddamn, yell at Brian.

He can see everything, but I'm dealing down.

I got no way to microwave my goddamn food.

I got no way to heat it, to toast my bread.

I might starve to death down here.

We're just, we're one step away from goddamn the dust bowl and complete famine and pestilence.

There's a hotel nearby, isn't there?

Just go stay in a nice room and relax.

Well, now, the last time this happened in Louisville, I found out that fucking everybody else thought that too.

And I couldn't get a hotel room closer than Lexington.

And besides, I don't want people to come and be deluding here at the castle.

I'm not leaving goddamn home.

I'm going to be here unbathed with a fucking stick in my hand, ready to defend my property.

And I don't know which would be worse, me with a stick in my hand or me unbathed.

Well, there are many options here for Travis Haeckel.

I guess we'll see how this works out.

But yeah,

this is the end times, Brian.

We've all got to hunker down now.

It could be the end of the days coming up.

We've got to protect our properties.

Well, there's earthquakes here.

There's tornadoes there.

Something on the news right now.

Tornadoes just hit in Texas.

Eight dead scores hurt.

I was like when they use the term scores.

You know what a score is, don't you?

20.

Exactly.

So scores, multiple 20s hurt.

But whether it's 20 or

5-0 Steve or I'm just throwing numbers into the air, ladies and gentlemen, trying to loud noises.

Trying to figure out how we're going to get out of this.

But I guess we're all happy to hear you're safe.

We will keep the listeners informed on what we're going to do, especially on social media.

And the culture is going to be a lot of fun.

Yes, we'll do whatever we can do as quickly as we can do it.

That's right.

And we'll get these reviews.

And Jim has not seen anything yet.

And once we have.

Well, no, I've seen everything through King of the Ring.

I don't know nothing about double or nothing.

I don't know much, but I know I'll hate it.

You hear Miro returned, and he announced he's gay.

No.

No, of course not.

Of course not.

What do you say, of course?

Like that, there's other preposterous things have not gone on on that program.

Could that have been a tease?

He was wearing the pink Minnie Mouse t-shirt.

They made Jake Roberts the lead commentator.

I can believe that.

Well, you're believing anything today.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, it's at this time that this man who's obviously malnourished and suffering through whatever people go through when they don't have power for a day.

It's been, I'll have you know, it has been 25 hours now

that

I've not had electricity.

So the next time you see me,

please try not to look away in horror.

I may be markedly changed.

It could take a toll.

I could be like looking like I just come off a naked and afraid for a month.

Should the utility companies have better ways of getting out information?

Is this acceptable in any way, whether it's happening to you right now or to anyone else here in the country, usually?

Well, I can understand how when something massive like this happens,

that they, you know, they can't say, well, we'll have it on at 407 p.m.

you know this afternoon and be exact or whatever but it'd be nice if you could get a goddamn human being

that would at least acknowledge that yeah we know that your shit's out in your particular neighborhood and we're working on it rather than a recording saying yes this is part of a problem that happened yesterday and we're gonna fix it and we're not gonna pay human beings to tell you about it is really what it is yeah well no no they pay somebody to record these fucking updates and that's and that's all they're doing.

I just saw something where a few voice actors are suing an AI company, they were soliciting voice actors to submit, I guess, demo reels to do something with, and they actually stole the voices and put out on whatever their service is,

you know, voices telling you to do things that are these actual people, and now they're suing the company.

AI stealing voices.

Is that why Ernest Borgnine called me last week asking for my social security number?

Ernest Borgnine?

Yeah, and I was so thrilled to talk to him that I just gave it right to him.

All right.

Best picture, Marty.

No come back to that, huh?

No, well,

I'm just going to let you have it.

You have a favorite Ernest Borgnine role?

You like the wild box?

I liked him best when he was sympathetic in the Poseidon adventure.

He was a sympathetic guy.

The kinder, gentler Ernie Borgnine.

All right.

Well, the kinder, gentler Jim Cornette is...

He sacrificed himself for Carol Lindley.

Well, we will sacrifice nothing and get back to doing nothing here today because we're not recording, it sounds like.

But we will keep everyone informed, as we said.

We will also find a graceful way to end this, which we've been trying to do for a while now.

But, Jim, final words for the listeners.

Jesus, thank you.

Fuck you.

Bye-bye, everybody.

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Winner, best score.

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It's a theatrical masterpiece that's thrilling, inspiring, dazzlingly entertaining, and unquestionably the most emotionally stirring musical this season.

Suffs.

Playing the Orpheum Theater, October 22nd through November 9th.

Tickets at BroadwaySF.com.