Jim Cornette Experience Special - Cornette Commercials Omnibus Volume 3

Like the midnight and the rock'n'roller He's in a fight for wrestling solar Using a racket and some mind controller He's Jim Cornet

The keys to the future held by the past And with Tag T partner Bariah at last He sends this message out by podcast He's Jim Cornet

He never backs down from a fight.

He never wins the pony.

Cause his mama raised him right.

It's time

to prepare

your mind.

Get the experience.

Get the experience.

Get the experience of Jim Cornette.

Hello again, friends.

The great Brian Last here, you there.

We are back with another omnibus, a very popular edition, the latest edition, volume three of Jim Cornette's commercials.

And of course, here to tell you about it, the man who caused all the trouble himself, Mr.

Jim Cornette.

Well, now I understand, Brian, that the commercial announcements that we make on our various programs are highly sought after.

They're very popular, popular with the listeners and the cult of Cornell members out there.

I don't know why.

I'm just trying to bring the people some good quality products and save them some money by doing it at the same time.

Trying to stick to

the simple truth and tell the people the way that these products are and how they can be used.

I don't go into business for myself.

I don't exaggerate.

I don't outright

make things up like some people selling some products.

I try to stick to the straight and narrow on these as the people will see here on this compilation

as people will hear here on this compilation well if you're going to cause trouble if you could see what i hear you would know that i'm right

and the only reason you can't is because your tongue got stuck over your eye teeth and you couldn't see what you were saying

well there's a lot being said right now and why don't we get right to it of course Some of these are a little older, so they may not be active.

But if it's anyone you still hear us talk about on the show, those promo codes are active, so give it a shot if that is what you wish.

But we'll be back at the end of the show.

But here we go, Jim Cornett's commercials, volume three, the latest omnibus.

I was actually thinking about when you were in Charlotte, but I guess there wouldn't have been enough wrestling around the country worth you going out of your way to record.

No, when it, my God, when I was in Charlotte, I was setting three VCRs every weekend before I went on the road just to record all of Crockett's programs.

Think about this: it was Saturday night TBS, Sunday night TBS, then Friday night TBS got added.

Crockett had two hours of syndication that went most places in the country and another 30-minute program and sometimes an hour program on in Charlotte.

Plus, Norman sending me what's left of the territories.

So,

you know, we had it.

We had it nailed.

And then.

After that, you know, I just,

and those early dishes were not like the little things they sit on the roof roof of your

fucking mobile home now.

It was a commitment.

It looked like a goddamn spaceship had landed in the backyard.

Well, with all the running around doing all the merch, I guess you probably would have spent a lot on auto parts.

That's how we do it, folks.

You

lazy motherfucker.

Oh, we told you it was going to be like this, ladies and gentlemen, today.

Do you think there's anybody out?

Could this be the first podcast in history where by this point, everybody just said they're just not going to do it today and just clicked off.

And we're literally talking to ourselves.

Nobody will ever hear this.

Well, that's a good reason for our sponsors to keep signing back up.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'll tell you what.

You know, with the problems with all the makes and models of the cars they make these days, you know, strange as it may seem, they give these cars strange names these days.

You've got, well, who's on first?

What's on second?

Oh, no, they've got a ton of makes and models of the cars, just all kinds of them.

And they all look weird anymore.

Have you ever noticed this?

They don't have fins on them like they used to.

And you can't put a good car stereo in anymore back in the old days, back in my day.

But I'll tell you what, no matter what you've got, you got one of the new cars or you got one of the old cars.

Say you need a goozel pipe.

for a 43 Packard,

because most people don't just have these common, ordinary, run-of-the-mill cars anymore.

They got some classics.

Well,

you can't just go to a brick-and-mortar store, Brian.

You can't do that.

Because, for one thing, I've yet to see anybody repair a car with either bricks or mortar.

It doesn't work.

That mortar clogs up the fuel lines.

But the brick and mortar stores can't carry all these parts, but we know who can, our friends at rockauto.com.

Because they're a family business.

They were related to the Manson family at one time, but ultimately they were cleared of any wrongdoing whatsoever.

It was actually, they were only related by marriage, they found out.

A very nice family with no relation to the Manson family.

Well, that's well, marriage is no relation.

It's just it's a legal thing, but you don't have any blood connection.

And they've been serving auto parts customers online for 20 years, ever since the legal settlement that prevented them from having these brick and mortar stores.

There was no legal.

so they fled online.

They're anchored somewhere off a what are you talking about?

It's past the three-mile limit.

In international waters, they've been told that they can do anything they want.

What was the half miles out?

What was the brick-and-mortar lawsuit exactly?

Well,

there was an issue, is all I'm saying, but the feds got it stepped in.

Oh, the feds.

And as long as they stay four and a half miles offshore, it's international waters, folks, and they've got all the parts there.

And

they'll put them on the boat, run them over to the dock, and then they have to wait for nighttime to fall.

Then they switch over to the truck and they're going to bring them straight to you.

They got everything from engine control modules and brake parts to tail lamps, motor oil, even new carpet.

As a matter of fact, that's what I'm sitting on right now.

I carpeted the office.

with this carpet from rockauto.com and it's amazing

And their catalog is unique and remarkably easy to navigate.

They sent me one the other day.

It looks, it's even thicker than the Sears catalog, but they don't use the slick paper that the Sears people started using there.

Because I'll tell you at one point, you know, you had to have your companion in the outhouse was the Sears catalog.

Then they started going to that slick paper and oh my God.

Not only did it smear instead of wipe, but then the paper cuts were insane.

And if you've ever paper cutted your taint with a page of the Sears catalog, you'll know that I'm not fooling around when I say that that's not something you don't want to do.

Maybe I use some double negatives there.

I don't know what's going on here, but let me just go back a step.

Whatever you get from rockauto.com, be assured it will be delivered legitimately by very nice people.

Yes.

The legitimate means no intrigue and espionage in the night or whatever you were describing before.

Actually,

we're not sure they're going to be nice because they do do background checks.

The second leg of the delivery,

the deliverers, the delivery folks are background checked on that leg because they tried to do it on both legs, but the people taking that first leg, waiting for nighttime and then loading it on the truck, sometimes they didn't want their backgrounds checked.

But if the people that bring it to your house, they've checked them.

They don't have to be friendly.

That's not part of the equation.

They They need to be professional.

They need to be responsible.

They need to fulfill their function, but they're not required to be friendly.

There was a lawsuit about that.

It went to the fucking, I think the 9th district, and they ruled against us.

They were not required to be friendly.

No, there was no lawsuit.

There was no 9th district.

Are you assuming that Rock Auto has their own courier?

I'm not assuming.

When you assume, you make an ass of you and me.

I'm just saying that rockauto.com has ways to get these things to your home fairly quickly and you'll be happy as a clam with them when you open the box up regardless of how they got there.

Just don't look these people in the eye when they hand you the box and it'll be fine.

And the best of all, prices.

God damn you.

At rockauto.com are always reliably low and the same for professionals and do-it-yourselfers because

You know, a professional is just a do-it-yourselfer that is fucking con somebody into giving them some money.

So why spend up twice as much for the same parts?

Go to rockauto.com right now and see all the parts available for your car, truck, and write JCE in their how did you hear about us box so they know that we sent you because it means a lot to them, ladies and gentlemen.

And we want to do whatever they say because we do not want the wrath of rock auto on our on our backs.

You've heard of having a monkey on your back when you got rock auto on on your back fuck that shit's hard to kick amazing selection reliably low prices and all the parts your car will ever need and nothing to worry about and nothing to worry about nice people

no worry they don't have to be nice they're it's it's elective it's it's they can choose to be nice if they want but they will be professional rockauto.com Well, there it was, Jim.

Our review of SummerSlam, of course, it was on the official Jim Cornette YouTube channel and right here on the drive-thru.

And a good show, a fun show.

And although, as you pointed out at the very top of the review,

it was a nice surprise to have a show that was under four hours.

Even though it was under four hours, I still was tired and ready to go to sleep.

Much like you are today.

Ladies and gentlemen, if you're tired and you would like to go to sleep, you're tired of this program and you'd like to go to sleep or possibly be in a medically induced coma, maybe be sentenced to the federal penitentiary, anything to avoid avoid listening to this program, then we got a deal for you.

Because folks, again, a good night's sleep is the answer to a lot of people's problems.

You got stress, you got aches and pains.

Sleep rejuvenates you and you've got to do it in the right way and on the right equipment.

You got to have the proper equipment.

to get the proper night's sleep.

And the first thing, you can't just lay down in the basement, just on the cold basement floor.

You can't do that.

You're not going to get a good night's sleep.

But if you go to helixleep.com,

they've even got mattresses that cool you down.

If you and your family, your significant other, or the various people that you share a bed with every night can never agree on the temperature of the thermostat, they've even got mattresses with specialized cooling technology.

Or, for example, let's say you want to sleep on something.

a little bit firm, but not like a tile floor.

Maybe you got a bad back.

They got firm, but if you like to sleep in something that approximates, I don't know, a marshmallow or possibly the midsection of jelly Nutella, they've got soft, mushy mattresses.

It just depends on what you like.

If you like sleeping on a bag of rocks, I'm sure they could probably fucking whip one of those up for you too.

As we know, some people like to have their balls nailed to a step stool.

But whatever you like to sleep on,

the folks at Helix Sleep have got one of them.

And it's not even ones that people have sent back to get their money back because they offer that too.

They don't like it.

No, I'm just, you've told me.

You've explained to me plainly and succinctly that they don't give people their money back, take a mattress back, and then turn around and sell it again.

That wouldn't be cricket.

They don't do that.

You've explained that to me.

Are you now trying to take that back?

No, I'm standing with that.

They do not do that.

They're standing with that.

Yes.

Or sleeping with it, as the case may be.

Sleeping on it because they are a reputable company and it's a great mattress to sleep on.

Yeah.

Yes.

So they give you your money back if you don't like it and they just brand you as an ungrateful prick on the specialized list that all these companies have.

And next time you order something from somebody else that has a money-back guarantee, they're going to know what the fuck's going on and they're going to treat you accordingly.

They're going to realize what kind of scam you're pulling.

You know what?

What kind of shister business you're into?

Beyond these stories you're concocting, much to the chagrin of our sponsors each and every week here you may be on to something the idea of a national registry that's available to people for people that always ask for their money back yeah

because that little greedy small band of pricks just ruins everything for the rest of the people but anyway folks helix sleep did i mention they've got all kinds of mattresses for all kinds of people and all you got to do is go to helixleep.com take the two-minute sleep quiz that matches you to the mess mattress the mess or the mess or the mattress that best serves your needs they got a 10-year warranty you get a hundred nights you can try it out risk-free there is absolutely no risk to sleep on these mattresses for a hundred nights after a hundred nights it gets a little dodgy but it's still a fine mattress after a hundred nights well after a hundred nights just says you get to try it out for a hundred nights risk-free i assume after the first 100 nights, there's some element of risk enters into this thing.

And Helix is offering up to $200 off all the mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners at helixleep.com/slash JCE.

That's helixleep.com slash JCE.

Up to 200 bucks off the mattress orders and a couple of free pillows.

Hey, there's nothing wrong with a couple of free fun bags.

Slap those on on either side of your head, drop onto a helix mattress, and you'll be floating in space.

You know,

that would be just weightless, just floating in space.

That would be so comfortable, except for the fact that there's no oxygen in space.

That means that your fucking eyeballs would explode and your guts would immolate into fucking jelly and you'd just...

obliterate yourself into thousands of tiny particles.

But otherwise, you'd get a good night's sleep in space.

That's a nightmare that some people may have, but you won't have to worry about that kind of thing.

When you're sleeping on a helix sleep mattress, the finest mattress, you will have a good night's sleep with pleasant dreams, and it'll be well after 100 nights.

How do I walk back everything?

Well after 100 nights, you will enjoy everything and you will not be floating in space with your innards coming out.

No, not unless you sleep on a helix sleep mattress in space with no spacesuit.

Then you're fucked.

But fortunately, the listeners don't have to worry about that.

They can just worry about good nights and good days after sleeping on helix sleep, right?

They bring it right to your door.

Did I mention that?

I don't know what you've mentioned so much.

I don't know

if you can.

You can even put it where you want it.

It's not like one of the big store-bought type of mattresses.

where you can hide a body in it.

As a matter of fact, sometimes, did you hear about that one guy in Pismo Beach?

He fucking went to a mattress store and bought a mattress that had a dead corpse in it.

And it took him forever to get his money back.

Not with Helix Sleep.

If they send you a mattress with a corpse in it, that's automatic.

They won't send you a mattress with a corpse in it.

There are no corpses involved in this process.

It's like the scene in four rooms.

There's a dead whore under the bed.

It's not like that at all.

A dead whore under the bed.

It's not like that at all.

Was Stu Hart starring in that film?

Well, it was actually Tim Curry, who does a decent Stu Hart impression, but nothing right at home about it.

It sounds like it.

All right.

Anyway, what's that promo code again?

That would be Helix.

That's H-E-L-I-X, like Felix the Cat, only it's Helix the Sleep.

Helix sleep.com/slash J-C-E.

You know what that means?

Are we closed?

We have a new sponsor here this week.

A new sponsor.

A very new sponsor, and we're happy to have them on board.

And we know they're happy to be here, but we want to let the listeners know all about our friends with prize picks.

Prize picks.

And I understand from you, Brian, there's a way to make money on this.

Of course.

Now, Jim, this is not a script.

I want to put this into my own words.

Tonight, I'm taking Patrick Mahomes to throw more than 320 passing yards, Derrick Henry to rush less than 85 yards, and Cooper Cup to score more than 0.5 touchdowns, and Tyreek Hill to catch less than 3.5 passes.

All the more amazing because I don't think football season started yet.

But Jim, those are my thoughts.

What are yours?

Wait a minute.

What the hell?

Now, the folks at Prize Picks, they're our new sponsor.

Yes.

And you said

the fans, the members of the Cult of Cornet, the listeners, they can play games and make money by doing prize picks did i say that

that's well that's that's what we said uh when i first heard about this but then i got i got some of the promotional information

and it it requires a knowledge of professional sports of other kind besides wrestling that i don't necessarily possess and it also

requires some knowledge of

fantasy sports entries and projections and things.

I'm not familiar with all the verbiage.

So can you explain this to me and to the people?

I know you just gave the sample,

but I don't know who all those people are.

Well, of course, we want to remind everyone PrizePicks has an app and you go to prizepix.com as well.

But Jim, let me ask you, what do you love about their games and format?

Is it easy to play?

I don't know.

What current entries do you have?

What is an entry?

How much have you won?

What What am I entering?

I haven't started playing yet.

That's what I'm asking you.

But you'd be winning if you just started playing.

Just start playing and winning.

But how do you play?

Come on, just play.

You go to prizepics.com.

That's prize, like prize, P-R-I-Z-E, and picks, P-I-C-K-S,

prizepicks.com.

And you sign up and you play the daily fantasy sports, right?

Or the app.

That's what you do.

They have an app.

What's an app?

How do use an app now.

You don't have a smartphone for any of the new listeners wondering why you would ask this question and ask.

Can I get an app on my computer?

Actually, you can, depending on the computer you have.

It's got a dot-com here.

That's what I usually use the computer for, is the stuff with the dot-com.

Right.

The dot-com is the actual website.

That's the location you can go to on your computer.

Let's say you had a smartphone and you just wanted to...

go to prize picks and just start playing games right away.

You would go to your home screen on your computer and find the little icon for prize picks and you'd click that and it would take you there.

Not needing to go to a website, going directly to them.

That's the app.

Well, how does the little prize picks thing get on the screen

for prize picks.com?

Does somebody put it there?

Do they infiltrate your computer?

You would download it from wherever you get your apps.

If you were on an Apple.

I've never gotten an app.

You would ask your caretaker to use your smartphone and find a place where they have apps.

All right, well, let's back up.

We're going going to win some money here.

And I understand from the people at Prize Picks

that first-time users can receive a 100% instant deposit match up to $100 with the promo code JC.

So that means now I can figure this JCE.

JCE.

Let's get the promo.

That's what I just said.

Promo code JCE.

I just did JCE.

That's what I did there.

I elongated that CE.

But now, so understand that if you deposit $100, then they give you another $100.

If you deposit $50, they give you another $50.

They're giving you all this money.

And then you do what with it?

They've got the daily fantasy stuff that all the other sports people do, but

you can win up to multiple times your money.

I think it says you can win up to 10 times your money on any of the entries in these things.

Well, of course, Jim, it's very easy to understand.

You can pick two to five players, and if they will go score more or less than their prize pick projection, prize picks projection, you can win up to 10 times your money on any entry.

And there's no competing against other people.

It's just you versus the projections.

That's easy.

It's easy to understand.

They offer projections on any sport.

NFL, NBA, MLB, NHL, PGA, college football, men's college football, basketball, women's college basketball.

Do they have women's college football?

Women's college basketball, soccer, WNBA esports, NASCAR, tennis, MMA boxing, disc golf,

Euro basketball, cricket.

One of these things is not like the others, ladies and gentlemen.

If you have a sudden compulsion to bet on disc golf, ladies and gentlemen.

Now, wait a minute.

These are not bets.

They're entries.

They're entries.

And, of course, entries can be made in 60 seconds or less.

I wouldn't really even need 60 seconds to make this entry.

And you can make safe and fast withdrawals from where of what?

We're not sure.

But this is currently operational.

in over 30 states and Canada.

So apparently they're following the marijuana legalization.

But right now, what you need to do,

after we've explained this so clearly and concisely, if you have any questions, you need to download that PrizePicks app wherever the apps come from or go to prize picks.com and you can sign up and play the daily fantasy sports.

And first-time users, 100% instant deposit match up to $100 with the promo code JCE,

not JCE.

And if you deposit $100, PrizePix gives you $100.

If you deposit 50, they'll give you 50.

We got to figure out some way to work this system where you deposit 50, they give you 100, but I'm not sure right now.

We're still, they're a new sponsor, folks.

It'll take us a couple of weeks to figure out how to screw them.

But don't forget to enter the promo code JCE at your signup for an instant deposit match of up to $100.

And then go crazy on the sports.

You'll make some money.

You can win

up to 10 times your money on any entry,

but some plates do go down in value.

So we're not guaranteeing anything.

It's, you know, I'll tell you, Brian,

sometimes it just makes me want to just take a cross-country trip.

Just get in my car and just drive.

I'm supposed to do that.

Just drive away from humans, away from wrestling, away from the huddle, huddle, hustle, the huddle, the hustle and bustle of life, and just get in my car and just drive down the road.

Maybe go out Route 66, something like that.

Get my kicks on Route 66.

The problem, you know, I'd have.

No.

As soon as I'd get in the car, I'd drive.

60 miles down the road and I'd blow a Framostat

or something like that.

And I'd have to fix my car.

But fortunately, fortunately, folks, we know where you go in order to fix your car, no matter what's wrong with it, our friends at rockauto.com.

Now, just say, for example, a guy walked in.

Actually, he didn't walk in the other day because they don't have a brick and mortar store.

We've mentioned this.

They're out in the South Seas on an island.

No, they're not

glass and plastic.

That's not true.

Well, you can't fix a car with brick and mortars.

We've mentioned that.

The mortar clogs up the fuel lines.

But also,

this guy, he didn't walk in, like I said, because they're not brick and mortar, but he went to the website, rockauto.com, and he had a common problem,

something that people have all the time.

You know, your crankcase for the oil, right?

The crankcase in his car had peanut oil in it.

But fortunately, rockauto.com carries popcorn and chicken fingers.

Oh, come on.

So it all worked out in the end.

No, they don't.

I thought they had everything your car or truck would ever need.

I don't believe your car or truck needs popcorn or chicken fingers.

I have eaten chicken fingers in my car on hundreds of occasions.

You need the chicken fingers.

Your car doesn't need the chicken fingers.

Well, the car needs them if I'm going to eat them in the car.

And folks, regardless of what you want to eat in your car, rockauto.com,

if they don't carry carry the food, they'll at least carry some implements you can set it on fire with.

There's a lot of things at rockauto.com that are flammable.

And whether you can set them on fire or they just catch on fire naturally, sometimes they explode just right out.

But they've got all kinds of stuff.

If you want to find some shit that you can blow that

stuff with.

See, this is the problem.

I took a bite of something and I couldn't interrupt you to stop you as you started building up whatever it is you're doing here.

Am I lying?

There's a a lot of things that are explosive or flammable on the rockauto.com website.

Well, technically, you're probably correct, but that's not the way to look at these fine auto parts at the fine prices that they are sold at to the fine people over at rockauto.com.

Correct?

I don't know.

I lost the way you phrased that.

So I don't know whether to answer it yes or no, but I'll tell you what, folks, whether it's

engine control modules, brake parts, tail lamps, motor oil, sticks of dynamite, hand grenades, or just flammable liquids of every kind and type.

They've got thin flammable liquid.

They have thick, viscous flammable liquid.

They've got stuff you can set fire to and it'll turn all kinds of colors.

When Jim talks about setting fire, he's talking about starting your engine, igniting the engine, and of course the fuse that will propel your car.

Nothing nefarious, nothing scary, nothing to be afraid of.

The usual combustion that propels you along your day.

Yes, it's an internal combustion engine.

So every time that you start the engine, something technically does blow up.

It explodes and that ignites the whole thing.

So the trick is to try to keep the explosion beneath the hood of your car or truck instead of having it come and break the boundaries of that.

And then fireballs begin leaping up in the air.

And then, you know, but rockauto.com does carry fire extinguishers extinguishers and foaming type of apparatuses and things, blankets that you can throw over a fire.

So,

folks, when you get the part for your car or truck from rockauto.com, also remember to get some fire retardant clothing and some foam and a fire extinguisher just in case.

So, when you combust all these elements,

you know, you got to think about safety.

But anyway, they've got an amazing selection, reliably low prices, all the parts your car or truck will ever need.

And you can go to rockauto.com right now and write JCE in their How Did You Hear About Us box.

And that way they'll know that we're the ones that have been talking about all of the explosive items that you can buy from rockauto.com.

The catalog is unique and remarkably easy to navigate.

Yes, it is.

So again, whatever you need, don't pay the prices of the chain stores and the brick and mortar shops.

If you want to blow up your car truck or set something on fire.

No, that's not what we're going to say, and that's not how we're going to sell this.

Of course, if you want to help your car, fix up your car, repair your car, or maybe get a car part for someone you love, this is a wonderful service to use.

Or if you want to put someone that you used to love, but you don't anymore, into one of these cars and stick a wrong part in it where when they started up, well, you never know what could happen.

Why do you always look on the

not on the bright side of things?

What would you say?

On the wrong side of things?

On the shady side.

On the shady side.

Let's be positive.

Rock auto is going to rock everyone's world with their auto parts.

Boy, expeditions blow up sky high.

That'll rock your world.

But I'll tell you, my God.

One way or another, these people are going to fix up your car.

And

that's just the last word on that.

Rockauto.com.

J-C-E and the How Did You Hear About Us box while you still have the chance?

Before they hear this spot.

They need some help right now.

I mean, they've always needed help, but especially right now, it just feels.

I don't know.

Who do you think they should call for help?

How about the fine people at Magic Spoon?

Well, I'll.

That's right.

Breakfast will solve anything, folks.

I'll tell you what.

If you've got bad creative on your television show, you know the reason for that.

Poor breakfast choices.

You're eating some kind of grease or fat or sodium or carbohydrates or

keto.

You're eating some of that keto stuff.

You don't need to eat any of that stuff.

What you need to do is get up every, what are you laughing at?

Just your understanding of nutrition is fantastic.

Yeah, well, my understanding of nutrition is don't eat the bad stuff, eat the good stuff.

You see, I used to think that if you ate grease for breakfast, that it would lube your blood up and it would run through your veins quicker

and you'd be healthier.

But I hear now that there's conflicting reports on that from the latest research.

I don't think there's conflict.

Well, it's conflicting with what I thought, so that's conflict.

But folks, if you want to wake up early in the morning when the rooster crows or the cock yells or whatever you wake up with in the morning in your hand, and

you want to greet the day, you want want to say hello day

and then you want to sit down at your breakfast table and look out the window at the birds chirping and the the chipmunks playing or if you live in the inner city the the junkies screwing in a dumpster and the homeless people harassing people for change you look at and you look down and in front of you is a big old bowl of the healthiest best taste and cereal that you'll ever shove into your mouth and that's magic spoon i'm telling you, and when you start chewing it, the flavor explosion in your mouth, holy jumping shitballs, your tongue's going to slap your brains out because it tastes so good.

And normally, with that,

you know, that sugar and junk and carb-infested cereal, you really have to hold your nose to eat it because you know how bad it is.

You know, with every bite of that stuff, you're killing yourself.

You're killing yourself, Brian.

You're punishing yourself.

I'm not.

Poisoning yourself.

I'm not.

Well, anytime you take a bite of that bad cereal, that's what you're doing.

You're killing yourself, and you can't believe it.

You're killing yourself.

Stop saying that.

I'm not.

I'm eating Magic Spoon.

Well, that's what you should be doing if you want to live.

If you want to live, people, and I'm telling you right now, life is worth living.

And life is for the living.

You can't enjoy life if you're fucking dead.

And if you eat Magic Spoon, you look down, you see that bowl of Magic Spoon, the zero grams of sugar, 13 to 14 grams of protein, only four to five net grams of carbs in each serving.

It's low carb.

It's keto-friendly.

That means it's a friend to all you ketos out there.

And kato's, too.

Keto?

It's gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, and only 140 calories of serving.

That's what you need to be looking for in that bowl.

And once you eat that bowl, I'll tell you what, it makes your other bowls in your house more pleasant too.

You change from big old sausage links smothered in gravy and fucking cat's head biscuits and you go to this magic spoon, your bowl will look better.

And I'll tell you what, your underwear will thank you.

Stop watching.

And right now,

you can go to Magic Spoon.

I'm just saying it's going to make your whole house will be a more pleasant atmosphere, a more pleasant environment to live in.

and to play in and to work in, whatever you do in your house, and to sleep in and eat breakfast in.

It's delicious and healthy, healthy, if that's what you mean.

Yes,

yes.

It's delicious and healthy.

And the aroma will be better every morning after you evacuate.

Go to magicspoon.com/slash jim and grab that custom bundle of cereal and try the magic for yourself and take a big old sniff afterwards and see if I'm not telling you the truth.

If you use the promo code Jim at checkout, you'll save $5 off your order.

And of course, the build your own box has the huge variety of appealing flavors.

You got the classics like cocoa, fruity, frosted, and peanut butter.

You got the cult favorites.

See what I did there?

The cult-a-cornet.

These are their favorites.

Blueberry muffin, maple waffle, honey nut.

And then the indulgences, the indulgences,

like cookies and cream and cinnamon roll.

Just stick your hand in a big old bowl of cinnamon roll and shove it in your face.

You don't even need milk.

Sometimes I don't even pour Sprite Zero over my cereal anymore.

I just eat it by the handful.

Oh, please say you don't really do that.

What?

It's tasty.

And see, there's no sugar nor ketos and things and such of that nature in Sprite Zero also.

And I'm looking right now at the label, no glutens.

So there you go.

Hey,

huh?

Hey, this is the time to ask you.

Did you see the news recently that Sprite's getting rid of the green bottles?

Yeah, well, that's okay because Sprite Zero is in white bottles with green lettering.

MagicSpoon.com slash Jim, use the code Jim to save $5 off at checkout.

And remember the 100% happiness guarantee.

You can call Magic Spoon up and say, I'm not happy.

They'll send you some money.

You don't even have to have bought the cereal first.

Yes, you do.

It's 100% happiness guarantee.

You have to have bought the cereal first.

Let's clarify.

Well, if 100%, that means 100% of the people have to buy the cereal for 100% of the people to be happy.

I thought they were making 100% of the people happy by sending them money.

It says if you don't like it for any reason, they'll refund your money, no questions asked.

Once you purchase it.

That would indicate that you've given them money first.

I thought they were just going to pay you off if you weren't happy about something.

They don't have to do payoffs because it's delicious and nutritious.

Well, if you don't like the results of your latest baseball game or if you're not happy with the color that your wife picked for the living room room couch, then call Magic Spoon, see if they'll send you some money anyway, because they do have a hundred percent happiness guarantee.

They want people to be happy, happiness is the key with their cereal.

MagicSpoon.com/slash Jim, code Jim, $5.

Happy.

That's right.

It's a magical cereal.

Some would say a magical package.

And speaking of packages.

You know, that's the thing: it's a magical cereal, but I've heard of, well, beans, the magical fruit.

They're good for your heart, I've heard.

So now you got magical fruit and magical cereal.

Is there a magical meat?

Who has magic meat, Brian?

I have no idea.

Do you have an answer for this?

Are you asking rhetorical?

Well, no, it just, I'm, can you bring up who's gave if if magic spoon is the magic cereal

and we have all these other magic, is there a magic meat?

I think that was Robert Fuller's nickname in a few territories.

That's right.

Oh, Robert Magic Meat Fuller.

All right.

You think Lex Luger can get a good night's sleep?

Well, it depends now because, you know, getting a good night's sleep, it's all what you do.

See, we've talked about Lex.

He unfortunately went down the pharmaceutical path, and that's not good.

Everybody knows that's not good.

You don't want to do that.

You want all natural ingredients that make you fall asleep.

You want all natural ingredients to take care of your health, right?

That's what our friends at BEAM are doing

because

poor sleep can cause weight gain, mood issues, poor mental health, and lower productivity.

And if you sleep less than six to seven hours a night, some of you, if you sleep less than 14 to 16 hours a night, you could have reduced white blood cell count.

And if you got reduced white blood cell count,

Well, the next time you go to give blood, they're going to turn you away.

They're going to say, we don't want your blood.

Your blood is shit.

As a matter of fact, we should report you for the quality of your blood.

You don't want that to happen.

You do not want to be reported to the authorities because of the quality of your blood.

So

you got to hop on the Beam Dream Powder.

Beam is the world's most innovative functional wellness brand with unique products for everything from sleep to recovery and

their best-selling item, of course, the Dream Powder, the incredibly healthy hot cocoa that gives you a refreshing good night's sleep and makes you feel like a new man or a new woman, depending on what you've got now.

If you've got an old man now, you might feel like a new man.

If you've got an old woman now, you might feel like a new one, but it'll make you feel like something, this dream powder.

I guess.

Because as we know, statistically, 98% of people surveyed fall asleep faster when taking Beam Dream, and 99% of people experience better sleep quality.

And as a matter of fact, the other 1%,

the other 1% often wake up able to hear colors.

Now, all you got to do is just take some of the beam dream powder and mix it into hot water or milk.

Milk gives it a little more body.

You stir this up and enjoy it before bedtime.

or before anytime.

Actually, if you just want to go to sleep, let's say you want to go to sleep before lunch.

Take a little nap before lunch.

Well, you take a sip of the beam, boom, instantly your face falls in the chili and you're breaking the crackers.

Let's say you want to, we've mentioned you can sleep off jail sentences with this stuff.

It's much better to be asleep when you're in jail than it is awake.

So whatever you want to sleep through, folks, possibly relations with your better half if things are not going well.

Swig a little bit of this in the bathroom beforehand, and she'll think the snoring is just groans and moans of pleasure.

How about just take it when you're ready to go to sleep?

That's what I said.

When you need to go to sleep, take some of this shit.

Just fire it right down your gullet.

And for a limited time only now,

you can get $20 off when you go to Shop Beam.

That's B-E-A-M shopbeam.com/slash J-C-E.

Use the code JCE at checkout, and you're going to save $20 off.

And if you don't love it, get your money back guaranteed.

It's another one of these deals where they're putting their faith in you as an honest consumer to give them an honest and valuable appraisal of their product so that they'll know that the customers are satisfied.

Now, if you try to put something over on them, we're not going to be happy and they're not going to be happy.

What kind of ingrate you are that you order this stuff, you pay for it, they send it to you, you try it out, and then you say, Well, I don't like it.

Or what the hell's the matter with you?

And then they've got to send you your money back.

You're being a pain in the ass, but they'll do it.

Guaranteed.

Well, you won't.

Stop beam.

What?

They won't need to do it because you'll actually enjoy or like using or you'll get some benefits out of beam.

Well, of course you will, but some people lie.

See, they want to get over on somebody.

What they do is they get the beam and they try the beam and they have a great night's sleep.

And then they say, I can get my money back now that I've had a good night's sleep, overlooking the fact that if they kept the beam, they could get multiple more good nights' sleep.

But no,

they just want to be greedy and they want to pass something by somebody and get something over on somebody.

So, if you're going to be a little prick, you can ask for your money back and they'll give it to you guaranteed.

But

they've already given you $20

off with the code JCE at checkout, shopbeam.com/slash slash JCE.

Use that code JCE at checkout.

$20.

That's $20 they won't be sending you back.

Beam.

Well, good luck selling cars, I think, is what Jim is trying to say here.

And of course, John Warrenitis may just have more time.

He sold cars.

He sold bars.

And now here he is.

And here we are.

And of course, John Juanitas.

You're making your transition there.

Maybe this will be a good one.

He may have more time now now to play around on the internet and surf the web.

And

that's better.

Of course, we want to tell Jim about it.

We don't want to tell Jim.

Jim, we want to tell the listeners about a brand new sponsor here on the show this week.

What are you fucking saying?

What are you doing?

I'll tell you what.

You know, this is perfect for John Laurinitis because, ladies and gentlemen, are you doing some shit you don't want anybody to find out about?

Well, you don't have to pay millions of dollars.

you don't have to sign non-disclosure agreements, all you got to do is just visit expressvpn.com.

Because I know you know that I didn't know this, Brian, but I don't know if you didn't know that I didn't know you didn't know this.

Do you know this?

Most of you might not know this.

Apparently, your internet service provider or ISP for short,

they know every single website that you visit in the course of your day and or night.

They can tell, they can see every single website you visit.

Did you know that?

Yeah, I guess so.

Well, that seems like an invasion of privacy.

And I know most of you are probably thinking, I would have thought this if I'd ever known anything about any of this at all.

There's a thing called incognito mode.

Did you know that?

Where you actually,

what you take a apparently a tan or beige-colored raincoat, a pair of sunglasses, and a fedora, and you wrap it around your computer screen.

So your computer will be incognito.

That's not exactly how it works.

Nobody will be able to see what sites you're visiting because the raincoat is wrapped around the screen.

Well, that's incognito mode, but apparently that doesn't work because the ISPs,

like the FBI, the CIA, and the ISPs, they can still see what you're doing on your computer.

Every website you visit, they call it a browsing history.

Apparently, you can clear that, but it still doesn't work because the ISPs are in the walls of your home.

Well, no,

no, they're not in the walls.

They are in the wall.

The ISPs are in the walls of your home.

Look in the back of your computer.

Is something plugged into it?

Of course there's something.

Of course, there's something plugged into my computer.

Yes.

Okay, the thing that's plugged in the back of your computer, where's it going to?

What's it running into?

Which cord?

The cord that plugs the computer into the wall.

It's plugging into the outlet in the wall.

Yes, and the ISPs are in your wall.

That's what I just said.

Oh, my God.

And that's why they know everything that you're doing.

They can hear everything you say.

They can see all the sites you visit.

And I mean, some of you, you may be going to sites like St.

Jude's Children's Research or, you know, a Veterans Administration charity, but some of you may be watching the director's cut of Dumbo Does It Donkey Style.

And you don't want other people in the house or other people that you may do business with or, I don't know, escort service girls you may call to come over.

You don't want them to know what you're doing.

You don't want them to know about what you're doing with St.

Jude's, not the other way around?

Well, that's exactly right.

You'll get a reputation as some kind of goddamn charitable saint.

People need to know that there's some unsavory aspects to you also, so you'll look human.

So that's why you've got to have security.

It doesn't matter who your ISP is.

Like I said, they're in the walls.

As a matter of fact, some of them, some of them have planted transmitters in people's teeth.

That's why they're invented.

That's completely not true.

Do you know what ISP stands for?

Yes, I just read it.

Internet service provider.

ISP.

They're in your walls, and also there are transmitters in some people's teeth.

That's why they invented dentists.

They wanted to keep track of those people.

So they put transmitters in their teeth.

Will you stop?

Are you aware?

What is this?

No, are you aware that these ISPs that are doing this snooping,

all this, all this, looking at you and keeping track of you and eavesdropping on you?

They can legally sell your information to advertising companies.

So let's say, for example, you've watched 75 German Bukaki flicks in the last two days.

An advertising company is going to try to sell you, I don't know, Vaseline and Kleenex.

So

they get you, right?

They get the inside information on what you need and then they prey on you.

But Express VPN is an app.

that reroutes your internet connection through their secure servers so your ISP doesn't know what you're doing, can't see those sites.

They think actually

what you're doing, they confuse the disguise the whole thing.

So your ISP thinks that they're eavesdropping on NASA.

And they immediately, they jump back and they get scared at that because they don't want to get the federal government manager.

Yeah, let's not joke about that.

There's nothing with spying and any federal agencies involved in this.

Well, they're not involved.

They're trying to crack down on this stuff because, you know, this is a security risk.

Because if you can just hack into NASA, well, then could, you could send your own self to the moon.

Express VPN.

No, you couldn't.

You'd still need a rocket.

Well, no, you could launch yourself.

If you hacked into the launch button,

you would, well, I guess you would have to go and hop on the rocket.

Express VPN keeps all your information secure by encrypting.

100% of your data with the most powerful encryption available.

Remember, as a matter of fact, the only people to be able to get into this stuff are going to be the people in Graduated Code Academy because they know what all the codes are.

Because by the time ExpressVPN finishes encrypting this stuff, this data, you're not going to know what the fuck it says.

Nobody's going to be able to get to the bottom of this.

They're going to scramble this shit like eggs in a blender.

And you're not going to ever know what the fuck this says by the time they get finished with it.

And nobody will be able to prove that you were involved.

What if you have a decoder ring?

Well, oh shit.

Wait a minute.

Oh,

hold on here.

I'm reading further.

Also, Express VPN is not crackable by decoder rings.

Decoder rings does not work on Express VPN.

What about Decoder Cards?

It runs seamlessly in the background.

Actually, you just stick this in your pocket.

You don't have to sew it in.

It runs seamlessly.

You just stick it in your back pocket and you'll barely even, every once in a while, it'll give you a little shock, but otherwise, you don't know it's there.

Express VPN is available on all your devices, your phones, your computers, even your smart TV.

I tried to get one of those smart TVs, but it made me uncomfortable when I was watching the news and they were speaking specifically to me by name.

They got way too smart for their own good.

And so, and also, that's another thing.

You use Express VPN, the broadcasting companies, the television stations, they won't be able to know where you are.

See, right now, they can tell if you're watching their TV station, your address and phone number pops up at their headquarters.

I believe it works like that.

No.

If you get Express VPN, then Fox 41, when they're doing their afternoon news, they'll think that they've got some guy named Hung Chin Lo in Taiwan watching instead of Ben and Joe in Shively.

So right now,

if you want to make sure that people don't know what you're doing, whether you're trying to, I don't know, spy in some type of international espionage or whether you're attempting to take over the world or possibly engage in some kind of activity that we don't want to have previous knowledge of, and you want to hide your identity and your

the websites that you visit and your browsing history, as they say it, go to Express VPN.

They will give you a brand new identity.

They'll give you a new driver's license card.

They'll

promise things like that.

That's not how it works.

Well, they said they would, you know, they wouldn't.

Well, I guess it's just about your information on the internet, right?

That's right.

That's right.

But companies won't get this information to try to sell you things.

Right.

And you won't need and you won't be receiving a new

identity or identification.

If you watch a lot of porn on the internet and every day some company is sending a hooker to your front door, if you get express VPN, the hookers will stop coming to your front door.

That's not really a reason to get express VPN.

Yeah, I don't know what you're saying anymore.

Yes or no?

If you get Express VPN, more hookers will come to your door.

That's what we're trying to tell people, right?

No,

no, that's not a selling point.

If you get Express VPN, women, you don't have to pay, but like you will show up to your door.

It would probably be

a better selling point.

Right now, go to Express.

That's E-X-P-R-E-S-S, expressvpn.com slash J-C-E,

and you can get an extra three months free on a one-year package and more women that you don't know that would like to have sexual relations with you coming to your door.

No, you don't, you can't promise that.

That is not in any way part of the stipulation here.

I'm not promising.

It's not guaranteed, but wink, wink, you know, that kind of woman on the internet, anything might happen.

Express VPN.

Express VPN.

You're drowning out the plug.

Expressvpn.com slash JCE three months free on a one-year package.

You'll be completely anonymous.

Nobody will know what you're doing.

You'll be able to get away with anything.

They'll cover for you.

Well, let's not put it that way.

You can just live a normal life without worrying about someone watching what you're doing, but you should still do normal legal things.

Well, if you're only doing normal legal things, why do you give a shit if anybody's watching you?

You may want to watch wrestling in another country.

Well, there you go.

That's right.

It's good for the WWE network, too, right?

Because that's still available outside the United States.

We certainly cannot encourage that.

However, hypothetically, if a wrestling fan in the States wanted access to something that's only available outside of the States, you can use ExpressVPN to access it.

But we're not actually telling people to do that, but hypodermically, if you wanted to, you could.

Hyperphallically, that's correct.

Well,

then

I'd, if I were, I'd hyperactively get on that.

All right, get us out of this, please.

Expressvpn.com/slash JCE.

It's good for what ails you.

Tony made a good offer.

It was more than WWE's.

It was for millions.

Under 10 million.

We'll find out probably more about the details soon.

But as they say in WWE, it was just blowjob money.

Well, there you go, because they got bigger fish to fry up there.

I mean, you know, for heaven's sake, they can't be spending millions and millions of dollars on anything related to the business they're in when they can be paying women that have been penetrated in some fashion to go away.

But, you know, that's the thing, Brian.

I am shocked and amazed at something else that I've heard over the last week or two.

I don't know if you, if you're aware of this, but did you know

that there are actually people out there, not only in the United States today, but in the world, that look up things on their computer that they are reticent.

to admit to other people.

Were you aware of that?

Yeah, I just had to do it earlier with this anime dating simulation video game controversy.

Well, see, that was business.

We were doing that in a completely legitimate fashion with good intentions and no malevolent forethought.

And I'm sure that's the way that most people do these things, but you know, but still, apparently.

Your internet service provider can still see every single website that you visit and have ever visited.

And that might be awkward.

I mean, for example, I mean, you could be

well, no, seriously, it's no laughing matter.

Is it not funny to me, motherfucker?

As Betto said, because here's the thing.

You could be minding your own business, being a fine, upstanding citizen, but maybe in the evening hours, after dinner, before you tuck your head down to sleep at night, maybe you're engaging in a little international espionage.

Maybe you're secretly the leader of a black market uranium ring.

Maybe you're researching plans to build the nuclear submarines.

Or possibly you're just watching Kenny Olivier's matches with sex toys.

Regardless, there could be some things,

even if it's in the line of duty, like we just did, even if it's for business with excellent intentions,

there could be some things that you don't want people to know.

And

apparently, now this has become a thing that so many people are worried about this, that there is now a service that you can go to where you can muck up everybody's attempts to try to keep an eye on you, especially those internet service providers.

You know, they're in your walls.

The internet service providers.

They are not in your walls.

No, you we established, you even coherent with.

We did not establish that.

No, we did not.

All right, Brian, who's who provides your internet service?

I don't know if I want to commit that answer to tape.

Okay,

the company that provides your internet service.

Okay.

Okay, you got a computer there on your desk, right?

I have a few.

Okay, you got a few, and there's a cord from the back of the computer plugging into your wall, right?

There are cords for each computer that plug into the outlet in the wall to give them electricity, correct?

Yes.

And then there's another plug that plugs in and runs a wire to your internet service provider to provide your internet.

And where does it go?

It goes into the wall.

And that's where your internet service provider, they're in your walls, ladies and gentlemen.

They're keeping an eye on you.

They're keeping an eye on everything that you do.

You're going to scare someone.

And well, you should be scared.

You should be completely intimidated because these internet service providers, not like they're the FBI.

It's not like they have.

a duty-bound legal obligation to take care of this information.

No, they can spread your information willy-nilly across anywhere they want to spread it unless you take action.

And it doesn't matter who your internet service provider is because in the United States, they can legally sell your information to advertising companies.

So,

for example, you're the leader of a black market uranium ring.

You're going to get spammed.

Don't use that as an example.

Come on.

Well, it's just if something could happen to anybody, you're going to get spammed with dozens of emails trying to sell you low-cost

uranium holders.

Because, you know, it's hard to find something to keep that shit in.

It's just like when they, you know, the government 20 years ago, they invented a universal solvent that will, on contact, instantly dissolve any material, but they couldn't market it because they couldn't figure out anything to keep it in.

But anyway.

So these people at ExpressVPN,

what they do is they reroute your internet connection through their secure servers so your ISP can't see the sites you visit.

So let's say, for example, that you want to order Dumbo Does It Donkey Style or

Claudia Does Cleveland.

And it will in effect, it'll scramble.

It'll scramble that where they think actually where they'll think you're going is to a children's charity to give money.

to innocent deformed children

that were that were victimized by napalm in Korea.

That's not how it works, so don't promise me.

It'll show that up right there.

No, it'll show nothing.

It'll show nothing, not a fake visit.

But that's right.

It'll just disappear, ladies and gentlemen.

If you go to Express VPN right now, they can make your ass disappear.

If you've got people looking for you and they're getting a little too close, you go to Express VPN, poof, you're gone.

They keep all your information secure by encrypting 100% of your data with the most powerful encryption that is available.

This encryption is so strong, by the time they finish with your data, there's not a soul on earth that's going to know what the fuck it says.

And most of the time, you will not even realize that you have ExpressVPN on

because it runs seamlessly in the background.

All you got to do is tap one button and you're protected.

And the only way you're ever going to know that's even running is every once in a while when the government tries to keep an eye on what you're doing and checks in daily as they do, then instantly a burst of fire will come out of the back of the computer.

You know that ExpressVPN has incinerated the threat to your privacy.

That's not how it works.

That's right.

Well, I say it.

You can't say that.

It's not how it works.

You can't promise people these things are fire.

I threw half a sprite on it and it was fine.

But ExpressVPN will keep all your devices, your phones, your computers, your smart TVs, your plug-in vibrators, all of them will be protected so nobody knows where you're going, what you're doing, what you're saying, who you're talking to, or what you're planning.

Most importantly, you can protect your very legal but highly suspicious online activity today with the VPN rated number one by Business Insider.

Visit my exclusive link.

See, they're keeping track of me though.

Now, here's the thing.

Since

I'm a customer and I'm I'm also the guy that's advertising this, I have an exclusive link at a company that will make all of your links disguised so nobody can tell the links that you go to, but I'm telling you to go to this link.

We're caught in, what is that, a vortex or a whirlpool?

What is that we're caught in?

We're caught in.

I don't know what you're caught in.

I feel like I'm caught in something completely different.

Well, that's because the Express VPN people have changed it to disguise it.

So we don't know what we're doing.

They changed what what have they changed

they changed everything it'll never be the same again folks visit

visit my exclusive link on this thing expressvpn.com slash jce

and you'll get an extra three months free on a one-year package.

What is a one-year package?

I don't know because they've disguised it and changed it.

It's not what it appeared to be.

I thought I knew where to go for it, but suddenly it wasn't there anymore and they sent me to Iceland.

That's maybe what works at all.

If you want to be relocated to someplace where nobody knows where you are and they can't tell what you're doing, go to expressvpn.com slash jce

and get an extra three months free on a one-year package.

And let us us know if it works out for you because we won't know where to find you because you're going to be gone, gone, gone, gone.

Expressvpn.com/slash JCE.

Where'd you go, Brian?

I was passed out here on the bus.

We had a long way to go, but a short time to get there.

But I'll tell you what, Brian.

The most enjoyable thing of all of those days, besides the paycheck, was when you finally got home.

You finally got back in

your nest, in your box, in your cocoon, and you could lay down and get a good night's sleep.

That made it all worthwhile.

I'll bet.

I'll bet you'll bet.

As a matter of fact, you know what we would have done?

We would have slept even better if we had today's modern conveniences and all the luxuries that they have in today's modern world, the miracles of modern science, the space age technology.

There wasn't a helix mattress back in those days.

You know what we had to do, Brian?

We had to go out in the backyard and we had to take the weed whacker and we had to chop up some grass and some weeds and some dandelions and get a sheet and put it all in the middle of the sheet and then sew a seam down the back.

And that's what we slept on.

Really?

That's what you did.

That's what we all slept on back in the 80s.

You didn't have these modern mattress factories and we had to use rocks for pillows, rocks rocks that we would, or asphalt, pieces of asphalt that we would dig up out of potholes in the street for pillows.

Because there were no pillow factories.

There were only workhouses and poor houses and places to send people when they were broken down and beaten up, and at the end of their lives, from sleeping on grass clippings with rocks for pillows.

But, folks, no more, no more, none of that happens anymore.

Because now

the fine folks at helixleep.com have not only perfected the mattress business, but they're going to let you in on it.

And if you've got one of the old 80s mattresses, throw that thing right.

That's why you got the bad hay fever.

Because all those dandelions are 40 years old and they're still stuck in that shitty sheet.

You've got to get a brand new mattress so you can have a good night's sleep.

And the folks at Helix Sleep, they've got mattresses based on your unique sleep preferences.

They don't sell rocks, though, or asphalt.

You've got to sleep on mattresses and pillows.

They've got 14 unique mattresses, a collection of luxury models, a mattress for big and tall sleepers, otherwise fat people,

and or tall drinks of water,

and even a mattress made just for kids.

The goddamn thing.

It's cuter than a speckled puppy.

It's only three feet long and about a foot and a half wide.

You can use it for midgets, too.

And your personalized mattress is shipped straight to your door free of charge.

How do you know it's personalized?

Because you go to helixleep.com and you take the quiz.

They ask you, how do you like sleep on your back, on your side?

Do you run hot?

Do you run cold?

Do you like firm?

Do you like soft?

How tall are you?

How much do you weigh?

You know, how many people are you going to bring into this thing with you?

They want to know if you're going to bring in a crowd.

Just a few simple facts that they need to go and they will recommend for you.

Brian, they've done this for you many times as you've gone through various relationships.

You had that circus fat lady the one time.

You got the big and tall mattress.

What?

And then you had

the skeleton lady from the sideshow and you had that firm mattress so her bones wouldn't break.

And now you got the whole families.

You like the kids and dogs to come in.

You get one of the big ones and it's firm because it stands up to a lot of abuse.

But anyway, you take that quiz and you pick out the mattress, they send it to you, and well, then you're just sleeping in a cloud.

You're just, you're reclining on a warm puppy belly.

It's just, it's the greatest thing.

And they're also American-made.

So they're not bringing any dandelions or asphalt from Pakistan.

It's right here in America.

And you get to try it out for 100 nights risk-free.

And if you don't love it, they will pick it up for you and and give you a full refund and will not even go into any details about what may or may not happen days later when they decide to get even.

If you don't want to take my word for it, then Helix has been awarded the number one mattress by GQ and Wired magazines.

Seems like people who are wired would never get to sleep, but nevertheless, they love it.

And it's recommended by multiple leading chiropodists and doctors of sleep.

Chiropractors.

Chiropractors.

What does a chiropodist do?

There's a chiropodist.

Is there?

I don't know.

Yes, there is.

They cut the chirros.

And the doctors, Slick, the doctor of sleep medicine, has recommended the Helix Sleep mattress also.

Right now, folks, I got to read this.

Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners.

And that means you better be listening to us.

We save you money.

Go to helixleep.com slash JCE because with Helix Sleep, better sleep starts now.

So get on board with this thing.

No more asphalt, yard rocks, and grass clippings.

Things we used to have to go through in the 80s before they invented all this shit.

I think there's been some steps in between, but certainly an upgrade would be Helix Sleep and fine mattresses that we endorse here at Last Manor.

We like them very much.

Well, now that you've chimed in with your two cents worth, I guess we've sold another 15 or 20,000 of them.

I should have my own mattress.

How would you design it?

What is your perfect pillow for Jim Cornette?

Well, hold on.

Well, now you're just automatically you're splitting the subject here.

Your mattresses and pillows are different, but I should have my own mattress because if George Foreman

made all that money on the Foreman grill, what could I do with the Corney mattress?

Well, first.

And I'll tell you what,

it would be 10 feet wide and it'd be about seven feet long.

And that way I got plenty of room to turn over and flop around without rolling off the edge.

You got plenty of room for the dogs to come in and you get some puppy bellies rubbed.

You got room to bring visitors in if you got company and

relatives or friends have come in for the weekend or whatever.

And then the pillows, it can't be like

those bunches of sawdust like that fucking lunatic right-wing pillow former meth addict sells.

It's got to be soft and pleasant where your head just kind of is cushioned by it and it envelops the back half of your head without covering up any holes you need to breathe through.

That's a perfect pillow and a mattress.

Just like Helix Sleep.

That's right.

Speaking of maniacs, as we mentioned, Kevin Owens

defeated Shorty Gable in that one.

You know what, Kevin?

My old friend Kevin, he's looking in better shape these days, isn't he, Brian?

Then back in the Ring of Honor days when

he was fat and out of shape and didn't spend a lot of money on his gear and had random armpit bleeds and wouldn't trim his beard and get a haircut so that he might look like that he didn't spend the night.

in a viaduct or under an overpass.

He's come a long way since then.

I used to nag him about his weight, but now he's got it under control.

You know what I think the difference is, Brian?

No.

I think the difference is back then,

he was just being told to do what was right and eat what was right, but he wasn't being paid to do those things.

He wasn't being rewarded for doing those things.

They just would have been things that he could do to get ahead and make himself a better human being.

But when he started getting paid to do these things, then he got in better shape and then he got better gear and then he trimmed himself up a little bit.

But you know, the biggest difference is not only getting paid to motivate yourself to do better, but also being able to afford better things.

And when Steen was back in the Indies, maybe even in Ring of Honor, He was running up and down the roads eating fast food.

He was eating processed food.

He was eating fake food with additives and preservatives.

He was eating bad food.

And you know what?

My mother used to say, I'd rather eat good food than bad food any day.

Well, that's what happened to Kevin Steen, now Kevin Owens.

Once he got off the Indies and he got on the payroll of World Wrestling Entertainment, he could afford good quality food.

And that's made the entire difference.

But you know what?

You don't have to work for the WWE to afford good quality food.

You just need to know where to shop for it.

And I'll tell you what,

no more of the gas station microwave cheeseburgers for Kevin Owens.

No, sir, no, sir.

No more of those Dalmatian meat on a stick kebabs at the local drive-through for no, no, no.

All Kevin Steen and all exceptional people, all successful people, all they eat now is quality

beef from Omahasteaks.com.

Folks, summer's in full swing.

It's almost swung.

But no backyard grillette is complete without the Omaha steaks.

And you've still got months of good weather before you'll be out there grilling steaks in a parka.

And if you visit omahasteaks.com and enter the keyword JCE into the search bar right now, They've got a couple of different packages.

You're going to love the All-American assortment.

This package has mouth-watering items from the butcher cut filet mignons to the caramel apple tartlets i'm talking about entree all the way to dessert and

with the all-american assortment you get 12 ultra juicy omaha steaks burgers free with your order you can fill up the whole grill just with the food they're going to send you for free and folks As this is the All-American Assortment, you will get a certificate of authenticity stating that every single one of the cows that were involved in the carnage that produced this beef were born right here in the United States of America.

Most of them, as a matter of fact, come from Nebraska, from what I'm told.

Several of them were named, and some of the children that named them were unhappy that they became part of the All-American Assortment Package.

There are no cows named.

I don't know why I have to give that disclaimer, but there are no names.

But most of them are from Nebraska.

A few of them from Oklahoma slipped in, but most are from Nebraska.

It's the all-American assortment.

Originally, or that's where they moved later in life?

Well,

most of these cows were homebodies, and they like to stay close around where

they were fold or hatched or birthed or popped out or whatever they do.

But you get 12 free burgers.

with that package.

But if that's not what you're looking for, then they've got an option to build your own perfect menu.

Again, omahasteaks.com, enter code or keyword JCE in the search bar.

Build your own perfect menu.

Pick out the favorite items out of the options provided and create your own grilling adventure.

And you'll still get 12 free Omaha steaks.

They have gone out of their mind.

They have never given away this much free cattle byproduct before.

You can spend endless hours eating dead cow and it won't cost you a thing.

12 free burgers.

Let's say

you give yourself two burgers, and then, Brian, you have a family of four children and a wife.

So, let's say you give them

two burgers to split.

To split?

Yeah, to split.

Boy, you don't want to lose all your burgers.

So, you've got two burgers, and you give them two burgers.

They can split between the five of them.

They could have the burgers.

I'd rather feed my family, and I'll be over here.

I'll just have some coffee or something.

Oh, you insane lunatic.

Stuff those burgers down your neck and then give them two.

And the thing is, you've only used four burgers.

You can do that.

You can feed the whole family three times on 12 free burgers, two for you and two for the rest of the family.

They'll make out all right.

And again, all these cows come from America.

You're not going to have any illegal cattle.

involved.

You're not going to have anybody sneaking over the border.

No, as a matter of fact, the cows in Texas have lined up and they're preventing any illegal border crossings by the Mexican cattle.

And everybody knows,

yeah, the Texas Cattle Guard.

Everybody knows they don't have cows in Canada.

I didn't know that.

What do you mean?

Everybody knows they don't have cows in Canada.

It's too cold.

It's too cold.

It freezes their udders up.

They can't give milk.

It comes out like popsicles.

Well, there have to be cows in Canada.

You can't say there are no cows in Canada.

No, they import all the fucking, all the

beef and the milk.

They import it from Omahasteaks.com up in Canada.

They're the official Canada beef suppliers and the milk

and the horns.

For the record, we don't know that to be a fact.

Just want to say that they're the official meat supplier of the country of Canada.

I've heard it.

I've heard it rumored.

I don't know if they want to come out and just advertise that or not because

there may be issues with the Intercontinental North American Trade Agreement or whatever.

NAFTA.

Whatever it is.

But nevertheless,

that's the thing.

And

whether you want your meat well done or medium or medium rare, you know how I like my steak.

Just knock the horns off and bring it out on a leash.

But whatever you like, go to omahasteaks.com today.

Type J-C-E and the keyword, that's the key word.

Type it in the search bar.

Fill your freezer with enough cattle byproduct to keep your cookouts going strong all summer long.

Omahasteaks.com, keyword JCE.

Boy, what packages.

And boy, these are patriotic cows.

Well, that was the dramatic close to the all-out pay-per-view,

where they are literally all out, all out of ideas, all out of patience, all out of civility.

No, there are plenty of patients.

What's her name?

Ruby Soho broke her nose.

Oh, yeah.

All of the patients on and also,

we didn't even mention that, of course, Adam Cole has still gone somewhere hurt somehow.

Kyle O'Reilly's just had surgery.

We're not sure what happened there.

Basically, anybody that you don't see fairly regularly, you've got to assume in this company they're hurt.

Even if you see them regularly, did you know Christian Cage is like?

Yeah, yeah, we didn't know that.

But

that finished the pay-per-view.

Yeah.

Yes, that finished the pay-per-view.

Oh, that finished the pay-per-view.

I didn't hear what you said.

Yes.

That finished the pay-per-view.

And some of us had to stay up a little bit after that and keep following the wrestling news as it happened.

And we'll talk a little bit more about this press scrum that we put some audio from before.

But there was a little bit of a break in between the end of the pay-per-view.

and the CM Punk celebration.

What did you do?

I decided to spend my time waiting for the press press scrum listening to some jazz and I had some good music on, some John Coltrane enjoying the night.

Not like Tony Cott enjoys the night, but I was enjoying the night.

Oh,

you were enjoying the jazz of the night.

Yes.

I might have to switch emails for this.

You were enjoying the jazz of the night.

How were you enjoying this jazzy jazz?

Were the neighbors playing it in their living room?

You had your window open listening?

Or did you have it on your Victrola?

Oh, come on.

I'm not that.

How were you listening?

were you, were you on the AM radio, the transistor radio you have up to your side of your head there, Dobie Gillis?

I don't have that.

Dobie Gillis, come on now.

That show was 1959.

What are you comparing?

Well,

there's modern ways to listen to things.

How are you listening to your stuff, your jazz?

How is Dobie Gillis?

Transistor radio.

That's not the modern way of listening things.

I am a modern, modern, modern guy.

Maybe some would say postmodern.

And I listen to everything with my Raycon earbuds.

I knew that's what you were listening to because you would not have enjoyed that jazzy jazz.

You wouldn't have jizzed over that jazz had you not been listening to your Raycon everyday wireless earbuds because everything else just sounds like poopy compared to the Raycons.

They look, feel, and sound better than ever.

They've got the optimized gel tips for the perfect in-ear fit.

I'm telling you, you know, the gel comes in a variety of flavors, comes in strawberry, comes in elderberry.

Come on, don't start that.

Comes in cherry.

Don't start that.

Of course, these are gel that you don't consume.

This is gel that you don't consume.

Not these are gel.

This is gel.

Well, these are for consumers.

The consumers buy the Raycon wireless earbuds.

They're consuming the earbuds.

They put the gel in their ear.

Yes.

And then you stick your head in a refrigerator for what, about three hours, let it set up.

No, do not change.

And then they sound perfect and they're shaped just like the inside of your own ear.

Raycons give you eight hours of playtime and a 32-hour battery life, and you get quality audio at half the price of the other premium audio brands.

It is no wonder, ladies and gentlemen, that Raycon's everyday earbuds have over 50,000 five-star reviews.

And that's just from Uncle Dave alone listening to press scrums.

So

the Raycons, they got three customizable sound profiles, the earbud tap functions.

You can tap your earbuds.

You know, I've always wanted to tap a good earbud, and now's your chance.

They got the noise isolation mode, the awareness mode.

They will not fall out of your head no matter what.

You got to pry these things out.

We've mentioned the plethora of funeral directors that have been actually having special tools made to pry the Raycon wireless earbuds out of the ears of corpses.

They're so comfortable.

People die.

with them in there and never even know that they're there.

They are indeed comfortable.

However, we've not previously talked about corpses having to have earbuds pried out of their ears.

And of course, when you put the Raycon earbuds in your ears, you go, take them out, not even pry, just take them out whenever you want.

Well, you can, but you know, if you don't put an earbuds in your ears, if you don't know how they went in, you know, if you die with the Raycon wireless earbuds in your ears, somebody else is going to have to take them out.

They may not be as well versed as you are.

Why are we going to be able to do that?

But that's the thing is, well, it's because they're so comfortable, you'll never even remember they're there.

You'll just go about your daily life for months and even years, and you'll never remember they were there.

And sometimes skin even grows over them.

So you're just hearing music naturally.

You don't even realize you've got any implements in your ears.

It's kind of morphed into your own body.

But they sound great.

And right now, you can go to buy Raycon, that's B-U-Y-R-A-Y-C-O-N by Raycon.com/slash JCE and get 15% off your Raycon order.

That is again, buyraycon.com/slash JCE, 15%

off everything on the entire site just because you listen to us and we love you.

And I'm telling you right now, you will hear voices in your head.

You won't know where this shit's coming from, but it sounds great.

All the orders, the things that the voices tell you to do.

No, I was about to make a correction.

You will know exactly where what you are listening to is coming from because you will be choosing what you listen to, just like you'll be choosing when to take the earbuds out when you are done for the day yeah

they can make suggestions though on what you might listen to let's just end it with raycon raycon see it's easy yeah why do you try to get them things out of your ears you can get them out of your ears see we gotta end on a positive note with raycon i'm I'm positive you'll have a devil of a time trying to get them things out of your ears.

Because they fit so well and they're so comfortable,

you'll never even know.

And it's, you know, the old people, when they're in bed for a long period of time, they kind of grow into the couch or the bed or whatever.

These things grow right into your skull, and then you can just turn them on sometimes by sticking your finger in your navel.

Nope, none of this works.

It turns them right on.

They work the traditional, new-fashioned kind of way.

Raycon.

That's not the promo code, Raycon.

I just laughed so hard.

I farted.

So he's just expressing that he's willing to spend a lot of money in some unknown way to stop the WWE from doing what they're going to be doing to him more often in the future, which is run an opposition, trying to get some of the talent, trying to prevent more talent from going there, trying to prevent

Tony from getting any foothold he can in any new project,

in any

means that they can figure out how to do it.

That's just what's going to happen.

Well, we shall see.

But, Jim, let me ask you a question.

Have you ever stopped to wonder why internet access is so much cheaper these days?

Why 30 to 40 bucks a month?

It's because internet service providers aren't just making money off subscription fees.

They're also making money from spying on your internet activity and selling your history and data and the data to big tech companies.

So

what's the best way to make sure that 100% of your data is encrypted and that your ISP can't get a hold of it?

I'm asking you.

Well, I'm going to tell you.

And I've never wondered why internet access was cheaper these days because these spectrum assholes are charging me double for half the internet that I'm supposed to get.

But I have heard and do indeed concur and agree with that these internet service providers, the ISPs for short,

are making more money off of you than they're entitled to.

They're spying on your internet activity.

As you mentioned, they're selling your data and your history.

And, you know, there's a lot of people.

Apparently, we come to find out there's a lot of people doing things on their internet connection that they don't want people to know about.

Now,

that's where the fine folks at ExpressVPN come in.

Now, we've been talking about Express VPN, Brian, and you've straightened me out.

You've clarified a few things.

I want to make mention of some things that ExpressVPN will not do.

I'm now told that they do not provide you with a fake identity and documentation and paperwork to support same.

That's not one of the services that they provide.

They will not give you driver's licenses, birth certificates, passports, or other things in fictitious people's names.

Am I correct in this?

Yes, you are actually correct.

That is completely ridiculous.

So, of course,

the CPN does not do those things.

No, of course they wouldn't.

And they also, they do not provide, I'm told this under

very

certain circumstances, that they do not provide a cleaning crew to come to your home to clean up any incidents, to remove any evidence of wrongdoing, such as, I don't know, files, documents, top secret classified dossiers,

human corpses, things that are buried in your call space.

They do not send a cleaning crew out.

To take care of that, you got to do all that stuff on your own.

Express VPN will not get involved in that is that what i'm told once again of course they would not do that you'd have to be a complete moron to believe something like that because express vpn does wonderful things for you that don't include any of these silly funny things that have come from the mind of mr jim cornet the start well no they didn't come from my mind I was told these things, and now I'm trying to

separate the wheat from the chaff.

I'm trying to get to the truth from the fiction.

Who told you these things?

Well, I'll be unreliable people that were wandering down the street when I happen to be sitting there under the tree saying, wow, I wonder what this express VPN is all about.

Here's something else I hear they do not do.

They under no circumstances will provide you with the name and location of a plastic surgeon that will change your appearance in any way, shape, or form.

They will not have anyone that can.

perform surgery on you at a dis undisclosed location, possibly with or without the benefit of anesthesia, to change your appearance in case your picture is, well, spread all over the place.

They won't do that.

No, of course not.

I don't know why we're still going over this.

Of course they won't do that.

ExpressVPN will create a secure tunnel between all your devices.

Now, if there's a secure tunnel between your devices,

how secure is it?

Could somebody break into that tunnel and go from one device to the other?

It's a secure tunnel they can't it's a secure

break into it they create a secure tunnel between your devices and the internet so everything you do online is encrypted i understand also they do

reroute your connection through a secure server which blocks your isp from seeing everything i'm sorry the isp

isp from seeing everything that you do online and some people are doing some things online that frankly

if if your parents only knew.

Stop.

That's not the copy.

Let's try to spy.

All that they can see,

all these people out there trying to spy on you folks, trying to, they're looking in your windows, they're in your walls, they're everywhere, and they're looking at everything that you see and do.

They're listening to what you say.

Come on.

But if you're connected.

to ExpressVPN, then all they can see is you're connected to an Express VPN server.

Nothing beyond that.

They can't read your documents.

They can't listen to your communications.

They cannot peek in the window at you and look at you and your underwear.

And that's all things that these crooked ISPs have been noted for doing.

I saw that article about the peeping on the underwear in the newspaper last week.

Folks, it's not just for a phone or a computer.

Express VPN works on all your devices, on your tablets.

on your smart TVs, your router.

Your entire family will stay protected.

I mean, this thing, it will work on your toasters, your microwaves,

and they won't be able to tell what kind of food that you're microwaving or eating.

I can't stress this enough that ExpressVPN is so simple to use.

You just open up the app, whatever that is, wherever it may be.

You tap one button, and once you've tapped, you're connected.

Protect.

your data.

It's your business and your business only.

And nobody else is going to tell you what to do with your business or your data.

Or elsewhere, you can tell them to go take a flying leap at a rolling donut.

Right now, go to expressvpn.com slash JCE,

and you're going to get three extra months of rolling donuts for free, along with three extra months of ExpressVPN protection for free.

That's express EXPRESSVPN.com slash JCE.

Go there, learn more, get three months of protection for free.

Once they get finished with you, Express VPN, nobody on the planet is going to know where you are, what your name is, or what you look like.

You'll never be able to find your way back where they're going to put you.

You

stop.

You make it worse at the very end.

You will know where you are and how to find your way back.

And of course, everyone who you want to find you will be able to find you.

And ExpressVPN will be right there with you along the way.

Your safe, safe journey to and from wherever it is that you are going here with expressvpn.com slash JCE.

Sometimes you don't want to come back.

Ryan, there's a lot of people out there in the world that are doing things they don't want people to know about.

We've just illustrated a few of those.

And, you know, let's face it.

People are spying on you all the time these days.

It's the modern times.

Somebody's got their eye on you every second.

And we've talked about these internet service providers, right?

They're keeping an eye on you.

Do you know that the internet service providers?

ISP, the ISPs.

The ISPs,

the ISPs, they are keeping an eye on you.

They're spying on your

internet activity.

They're selling your history.

They're selling your data to the big tech companies, to foreign governments.

You don't know what's going on.

And that's why you've got to hide from these people.

And we've seen many times, you've gone through this, Brian.

You want to get your internet worked on.

You call your ISP.

They send two guys over in a truck.

And they're in your house for a while and they're doing things.

You don't know what they're doing.

Have you ever noticed that oftentimes only one leaves?

Have you ever seen that?

You see two guys come into your house, and then when they leave, there's only one of them.

Where'd the other guy go?

That's never happened.

I don't even know what you're talking about.

That happens to me constantly.

I'm thinking, where'd the other guy go?

All right.

I'm thinking, this is what I'm thinking.

Where'd that other motherfucker go?

What happens is

while the one guy is keeping your attention, the other guy slips into a crawl space, into the attic, sometimes just cuts a piece of drywall and patches it from the inside, and he's inside your walls.

We've proven this.

Remember, I proved this to you, Brian.

We did not prove this.

No, we didn't.

We proved this.

Your internet service providers are in your walls.

Where does the wire from your computer go from the back of your computer?

Where does it go?

We have admitted that since there is electricity, there are wires in the walls.

It goes in and

that's where that guy ends up.

He's keeping an eye on what you're doing from inside the wall or the crawl space or the attic or whatever.

Potentially, it depends on how your house is built.

And Express VPN are the people that you need to get a hold of to stop this stuff from happening.

Now, I've mentioned before, I have been suitably chastened about a few things.

Express VPN does not provide you with fake IDs and documentation and paperwork about a new identity.

They do not do that.

I was mistaken about that.

They also do not come over to your house and clean up evidence of a crime scene and potentially dispose of any cadavers or body corpses.

That is not a thing that they do.

Not a thing

that they provide.

And don't commit any crimes or murders.

Well, no, that's part of the cadavers and the corpses.

They don't get into that.

You have to handle that stuff on your own.

I'm telling the audience, don't commit any crimes or murders.

I don't know.

What kind of people you think we got listening to this program if you have to be the one to tell them don't commit crimes or murders?

We have all sorts of people that's the issue we have people making lots of money people making no money we have people with jobs we have people with no jobs what does that have to do with committing crimes and murders because we have some murderers i would think that probably listen to the show well don't they have better things to do like running from the law then listen to our program right now if you're a murderer and you're listening right now, turn yourself in.

It'll be easier.

That's right.

But nevertheless, the folks at Express VPN, they do not do those things that I just mentioned.

But what they do do is they protect you from people spying on you through your internet.

Because as we know, it comes from inside the house.

So, ExpressVPN creates a secure tunnel between all your devices and the internet so that everything you do online is encrypted.

Is this tunnel big enough that you can go from place to place in it?

For example, could you leave your house and go underground to your neighbor's home

and not be seen seen in this secure tunnel or is it just big enough for the internet current to go through

there are no i'm asking you there are no tunnels there are no people in your walls it says they create a secure tunnel between all your devices and the internet it's a virtual tunnel in the virtual world and that's what you really have to worry about is the virtual big brother watching you as opposed to the people in Fantastic Walls or whatever it is that you're dreaming up and concocting up here.

Well, I'm not dream.

I'm just trying to report on the facts, but virtually, it's it's a virtual lock that somebody's keeping their eyes on you.

And if you don't want people to know what you've been doing on the internet, you need Express VPN.

Possibly,

you need to hide some of this activity from someone in your home that's not a member of the ISP army.

Maybe your wife, or your husband, or your significant other, or whoever it may, they might not be happy with some of these things.

But

apparently, ExpressVPN scrambles your signal.

So if you've been been contacting foreign governments, exchanging nuclear secrets from Mar-a-Lago, or you've been on Adult Friend Finder and you don't want

Mrs.

Last to find out about it.

First of all, I've never been on Adult Friend Finder.

Second of all, I'm surprised you know the name of Adult Friend Finder.

It reroutes your connection.

It sure does.

And it blocks your ISP, the folks at the ISP it blocks them from seeing things that you do online all they can see is that you're a signal coming from outer space

and you get to when you you sign up for express VPN you get to pick the planet

do you want to come from Mars do you want to come from Venus you know I'm trying to overcome everything else you do and then you go into the space portion of the spot well it's

a vision signal so the only thing that people will know when they in when they intercept your signal is this appears to be a communication from Mars.

We're not sure.

We're going to send it over to NASA.

And it's not just for your phone or computer, folks,

because Express VPN works on all your devices.

It works on your tablets, your smart TVs, even your router.

So your entire family, huh?

Router.

Works on all these devices.

That too.

So your entire family can always stay protected, no matter what device you've got.

Toaster, microwave oven, dentilator Mach 3.

I can't stress this enough, folks, that ExpressVPN is so simple to use.

Yeah, so simple.

That's right.

You just open up the app.

However, that's done.

That's very easy.

It's very easy to everyone other than you.

Of course, everyone has a smartphone or some sort of device or tablet.

Not everyone.

Just about everyone.

I don't.

Well, you don't.

Howie, the mailroom guy, doesn't.

Well, technically, you do.

It's just you've handed it off to

one of your minions.

That's right.

Yeah.

So that's yours, though.

So you do have a smartphone.

You choose not to use it, but you have one.

Well, I can't stress this enough, folks.

Express VPN is so simple to use.

You just open up the app.

Yes.

Tap one button to connect, and that's it.

What if it's not the right button?

You have to, is any button work?

No, the way apps work, they have little icons.

So you know you're pushing the right one.

If you're going to push the Jim Cornette app, which you know is not out yet, you would push that, and of course, it says tap this

or tap here.

Who says just tap?

It's on the button, it doesn't know, it doesn't say any of those things.

You just tap one button.

Well, you just know, you just know, you just know, you just know.

What if everybody's not as brilliant as you, great Brian?

I am sorry, everyone knows, and even you, if you actually gave it a chance, and when I say give it a chance, if you turned it on, you would realize how easy it is to just push the button, tap the phone where the icon is.

Sure, a lot of button tappers out there.

People just willy-nilly tapping buttons.

That's why the world is in such a fucking state.

I want to know it's the right button before I tap it.

And this is the right button, and anyone can do it.

That's the point.

It's very well.

If you're tapping a button, you need to tap the button for Express VPN.

That's the button to tap because your data is your business and you can protect it at expressvpn.com/slash JCE.

If you go there right now, you'll get three extra months of express VPN protection for free.

That's expressvpn.com slash JCE.

Three months for free.

They will send a son of a bitch out to hammer open your walls, take the drywall down, and get all of those spectrum personnel out from inside of your goddamn home.

And that's what, that's also, that's why they have those big bags of equipment that they bring in also.

Because when they slip the one guy into the attic, that's his provisions.

He's got canned food and those

army meals ready to eat things and a jug of water.

I won't even tell you how they arrange for the guy to urinate.

Let's talk about smells that now around the house.

No, let's not talk about smells around the house or anything else that deals with bodily functions.

Let's talk about ways to

transition to, I don't even know where to go from here, but ExpressVPN will have you covered.

And it's very easy to use, whether it's a click of the mouse

or whether it's a tap of the tablet.

It's very easy for everyone.

My name is Jim Cornette, and maybe it can help you today.

Isn't that right, Jim?

I can't stress this enough.

I can't stress it enough, ladies and gentlemen.

Expressvpn.com slash JCE, three months free of protection.

You need to be protected.

Use protection, ladies and gentlemen.

When you're looking at pornography on your internet, use protection because that monkey pox is everywhere.

I think there are certainly some people in that locker room.

Even if you take the Bucks and Omega and CM Punk out of it and all their detractors, there are still people in that locker room.

This doesn't solve all the problems.

That's the thing.

All the problems aren't CM Punk and all the problems aren't the Young Bucks and Kenny Omega.

And by the way, in all cases, Kenny Omega and the Young Bucks shouldn't be lumped together because they have their own issues internally.

They're smiling in your face all the time.

They want to take your place.

Backstabbers, backstabbers.

All you fellas out there, better beware.

Yeah.

What they're doing to me.

I told you, my friends, again and again and again and again.

So who's happier about all that?

Somebody's trying to take your lady?

A few of your buddies, they sure look shady.

All right, ladies and gentlemen, you could throw your OJ's records out the window.

Who's happier about everything that's gone down?

Who's happier than Chris Jericho?

Oh, oh, he, because he sees, hey, everybody else, if I can just manipulate a few more people the way I want them, then I've got this thing all to myself.

We'll get rid of punk.

We'll get rid of the EVPs.

And it'll be the Chris Jericho show.

That's what he's thinking.

Get a nice raise.

Have to take on more responsibility.

I'm showing him that I want that.

Tony's my friend now.

Interesting.

He can't be your friend because he's my friend.

Interesting.

I got to say, Chris Jericho, master politician.

Give him credit where it's due.

It's a masterwork.

It's a masterwork is what it is.

And you know something else about masterworks, ladies and gentlemen?

They can make you money.

Not the AEW Masterworks.

They can't make anybody any money.

But Masterworks of Art, Collectibles, Mimlabilia,

they can make you money.

Was that Bello Gossi or was that just?

It certainly was.

I will drink your blood.

I will modulate myself.

I will modulate me.

Contemporary art has outpaced the SP 500 by more than double for the last 25 years.

Did you realize that?

Were you aware of that?

Contemporary art appreciated an average of 33% annually.

That's more than real estate, the SP, gold, gas,

beef.

You ought to see the Sprite Zero prices these days.

Holy shit.

Down here, you used to be able to get on sale

four 12 packs for $12

every once in a while.

Now they're seven bucks a piece.

So folks, if you need to make money, you want to put your money in a safe place.

You don't want to risk it in today's uncertain environment, the investing pitfalls you might fall in.

You want to put your money in the stuff that endures, art, famous works of art, masterworks.

And

right now, due to masterworks, It lets people like you and me, and even you, Brian, invest in famous works of art at a fraction of the actual price.

I know a lot of people are going, how in the world can I buy one 128th piece of the Mona Lisa?

Well, it's real simple.

They snuck in at night, pulled it out of the frame, put a replacement, a forgery backing.

Nope.

And they cut the Mona Lisa into 128 equal pieces.

Stop.

And now you can own one.

Just stop.

What?

Just stop.

Just stop.

First of all.

Just stop.

Let's not talk about forgeries here there'll be no forgeries and second of all no one is cutting the mona lisa the mona lisa is safe and sound i guess as a painting could be wherever you may find the mona lisa

it's in the louvre isn't it yes but there are copies too it's in the louvre yes i have a rose myers mona lisa

I got one from Whistler's father

said that Whistler's mother and Mona Lisa at one point had a lesbian relationship, but that's why neither one of them were smiling because they weren't any good at it.

But anyway, folks, if you'd like to make some money on famous works of art, masterworks at a fraction of the actual price.

Let's focus on that, the ability to actually make money in the long term.

In the long run.

If you're confident that you've got a while to live, folks, and the longer the better, then that's what you need to do: you need to go right now to masterworks.art

slash gym because we've talked about masterworks before.

It's a way that normal folks can get into the fine art market and you can make money because as we've mentioned,

the art collections, the rare items are appreciating.

It's just like having, it's better than having money in the bank because with these shyster governments failing all the time.

Fuck, your money couldn't be worth the paper it's printed on.

But by cracky, a van Gog,

that'll always be.

I just saw him.

That's right.

He couldn't hear me.

I was on the wrong side of him.

But anyway, at masterworks.art slash gym, you go there and you slash me and you sign up for priority access.

You can take advantage of all of their services and skip their wait list.

They are so popular.

They have gotten incredibly popular that now they've got a waiting list before you can even talk to them.

Before you can even do dick all of shit with Masterworks.

You got to wait because they're so popular.

Well, we know people, and therefore, if you go to masterworks.art slash gym, skip the wait list and find out all about all the various ways that Masterworks can help you in your fine art portfolio make some money.

And I guess, so that means that the piece of the Mona Lisa that I bought that I've been carrying around in my wallet, it's two inches square.

That wasn't officially approved by Masterworks.

That is not officially a part of any official Mona Lisa, and Masterworks has nothing to do with your butchering of forgeries, which appears that you have just admitted to.

Well, the folks in the Louvre aren't going to be happy when they find out that that Van Gogh was painted by a guy named Fred Turner.

Right now, you can see important Regulation A disclosures at masterworks.com/slash CD or skip that wait list.

Get in on the good stuff right away.

They'll drag you right in.

Boy, they'll jerk you right in this place.

Masterworks.art

slash gym.

Well, actually, you know, muffins can be good for your digestion.

There's some roughage involved in there.

It makes you poop better.

I think that's important, especially as we get older.

Hopefully, Larry had a bite of that muffin as well, so

he could have an enjoyable poop, a little cleanse there.

I think we all ought to support Mindy's Bakery in this tragic time.

Well, of course, Mindy's Bakery is in Chicago and they're closed on various days, as Punk mentioned in that press conference.

But some people may want something else.

They may want something that's keto-friendly, something that's healthy, something that's easy to get because it'll be shipped right to your door.

And of course, Jim, we're talking about our favorite cereal.

Magic Spoon.

That's right.

And you don't even need to have a joint bank account with your mother in order to purchase this magic spoon because, you know, folks, again, we've got to stay healthy.

We need the tasty baked goods.

We also need the healthy food that's not going to fill us up with a bunch of junk.

Now, you know, when you were a kid, you could eat this cereal all day long with the sugar and the carbs and all the additives and preservatives.

But now, Now that we're all close to death, we need to take better care of ourselves, but we don't need to sacrifice taste to do it.

That's where Magic Spoon comes in because it's got the sweet, the crunchy texture, the taste that you love of all your favorite cereals from childhood, but it's healthy.

Did we mention zero grams of sugar, 13 to 14 grams of protein, only four to five net grams of carbs in each serving, low carb, keto-friendly, gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, and only 140 calories of serving, but it actually tastes like food.

For example, they've eliminated the sugar, they've eliminated most of the carbs, they've eliminated a lot of the additives.

There is absolutely no rat hair

that you'll find in normal cereal, no rat hair in Magic Spoon.

They have eliminated the mouse feces

and the roach droppings that you find in most commercially packaged food these days.

Do you know, Brian, there is actually a federal regulation of how much rodent excrement can be in food before it's passed and available to the public.

There's a cutoff line there.

Okay.

Did you know that?

I believe I, I mean, I know that there is a cutoff line for that, yes.

Yeah, well, that's why you stand there and stare whenever you go into grocery all the time, wondering, is this worth the fucking gamble?

But I'll tell you, there's no fucking gamble whatsoever with the magic spoon because they've eliminated all of the

infestation of insects and the byproducts of small hairy rodents.

And all you get is the great taste like cocoa, fruity, frosted, peanut butter, blueberry muffin, maple waffle, honey nut, cookies and cream, cinnamon roll, holy mackerel, disc golf,

disc golf,

octopus sperm, all kinds of things.

Oh, no, see, you took it too far.

You took it.

Well, I'm just, you know,

they'll never understand the disc golf, much less the octopus sperm.

But anyway, folks, right now, if you want to go to magicspoon.com, well, that'll just be swell.

And you can grab a custom bundle of cereal.

Try the magic for yourself.

You don't need a spoon.

You can just eat it with your hands.

You can stick your face in a bowl of it and go

just like that.

You can motorboat a bowl of this stuff.

Or you can just eat them one or you could just eat it or you could just eat it or you could just you could just you know there's anal insertion as well you get or you could just eat it or you could just eat it right down your pie hole and be sure when you go to magic spoon.com

use the promo code jim that's ji m at checkout you're going to save five dollars off your order again magic spoon.com slash jim use the code jim save five dollars off it's guilt-free cereal.

They just run around with impunity doing whatever the fuck they want.

They feel guilty about nothing because they got the best cereal on the planet.

And if you eat some of this, you won't feel guilty about anything you do either.

So you can just run around on a crime spree and you'll still feel fine after eating Magic Spoon.

No matter how you insert it in your body or which orifice you use, use your mouth.

Magic Spoon.

Use your mouth and eat it the typical way with your mouth.

eat it eat it good doo doo doo doo doo corrack that whip

anyway

magic spoon that's right magic spoon and of course devo the lead singer mark mothersbaugh you look a little bit like him anyone ever tell you that hey i look like a mother what mark mothersbaugh from devo the lead singer of devo at least in yeah whip it the song you referenced whip it good do you like any of the other devo songs uh what are the other Devo songs?

Shock O'Homo.

They do a Secret Agent Man.

I've heard Secret Agent Man.

It was kitschy in its own way.

Satisfaction?

I heard that too.

Maybe not so much.

We're going to have to talk about wrestling sooner or later here on the program, I guess.

But

we can avoid it just another couple of minutes by telling the folks about the incredible, incredible opportunity they have to have a good, healthy breakfast, right?

What an opportunity.

What an opportunity.

For one of the first times ever, folks, you can actually eat breakfast and not feel guilty after it.

And I'm not talking about whatever you may have done the night before or wherever you may have woken up or whoever you may have woken up with.

I'm talking about not feeling guilty about the breakfast you eat before you take your walk of shame.

And that's what you're going to need the folks at Magic Spoon for.

Because Magic Spoon Spoon is going to make sure that you are guilt-free.

You can go out, sleep with anybody, commit any acts you want, even if they're banned in that state.

You know, there's still seven states that don't have laws against bestiality.

You know,

I was going to let you keep going because it wasn't too bad yet.

And then you cross the line and then you just keep jumping over that line.

No, you will be guilty of anything you are guilty of, but when it comes to food you ingest, when it comes to your breakfast, you will have no guilt with magic spoon.

It's guilt-free cereal because, you know, as a kid, all those cereals were just filled with junk.

They were filled with

various things like carbohydrates and sugar and things that would rot your teeth and all kinds of street drugs that were manufactured under a bathroom sink.

That's what those old cereals had in them.

But now this new cereal, no more street drugs manufactured under a bathroom sink for this stuff.

No, this stuff has been formulated in the finest laboratory.

I'm telling you, you'll see unicorns, lollipops, and rainbows on this stuff.

It's got zero grams of sugar, 13 to 14 grams of protein, and only four to five net grams of carbs in each serving, low carb, keto-friendly, gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free.

and only 140 calories of serving.

You know what that means.

That means you can shovel this stuff in your pie hole all day long and still not be so fat that you don't have a waistline.

You got a coastline.

It would probably be advisable to have portion control, even though it is healthy and delicious and nutritious.

If I were you, I'd just get the entire variety bundle of this whole thing, your custom bundle, and just start eating it by the handfuls and don't stop until you're covered in.

in various effluvia that's running out of you because it's that good no stop when you're full and there'll be more when you need more.

Stop when you're full, they'll make more and they do make more, but you need to buy it all, or elsewhere they'll stop making it because it'll be unsuccessful.

What kind of asshole do you want to be to be the people that put Magic Spoon out of business?

So get some for your neighbors right now: cocoa, fruity, frosted peanut butter, blueberry muffin, maple waffle, honey nut, cookies, and cream, cinnamon roll,

peanut butter, and motor oil.

I'm just seeing if you're still paying attention.

Disc golf.

Folks, writing a disc golf right now.

Grab the custom bundle, the variety package.

You can get all you want of anything you want.

And all you got to do is go to magicspoon.com/slash jim.

Use the code Jim at checkout to save $5 off.

It's backed with 100% happiness guarantee.

Not only will you not feel guilty for eating this or anything you've done before you ate this, but this stuff is once you take the first bite, you'll get happy.

And it lasts about three or four hours till it wears off, and then eat some more and you'll be happy again.

You'll be positively slap happy by the time you get finished with Magic Spoon.

And if you don't like it, as we mentioned for any reason, they will give you your money back.

No questions asked.

You will be forced to fill out a list.

No questions asked.

Questionnaire later.

No later questions asked.

Let's just say that.

They're not going to ask them verbally, but there's written material you've got to go through.

You do have to fill out some forms.

And there is also, you need to have things notarized.

And

you haven't potentially witnessed that.

Even with this, you go too far.

Even with this, you go too far.

You've got to have some of these things witnessed by an adult, not a member of your family or living with you.

and a legal resident of that state.

MagicSpoon.com slash Jim, use the code Jim to save $5 off.

And you can save $5 even if you're an illegal alien.

Don't tell the Republicans they'll send you to Martha's Vineyard.

Did you hear about this now?

It's some kind of stunt.

They're sending all the migrants from the border in Texas to Martha's Vineyard.

So now they've established a precedent.

If you show up demanding asylum at the border, they're going to send you to live in Martha's Vineyard.

Within a week, every citizen of Jackson, Mississippi is going to be headed to the Rio Grande.

MagicSpoon.com slash Jim.

$5.

That's right.

Awful.

But with Malachi Black taking time off, recalibrating his life, I bet he could use a good night's sleep.

You know, he probably could.

And I'll tell you what, I could too.

Because, boy, oh, boy, I'm sore today because I got out and did that physical labor that I was talking about earlier.

But you know what?

When you've got something nice,

something soft and comfortable and comforting and

warm and cozy to lay your old broken body down at the end of the day, whether you've been taking bumps in the ring or doing yard work or just being brow beaten by somebody, by life in general, just being beaten down, whacked, whacked around by life with a stick.

If you lay down on a helix mattress, Brian, you forget all that.

You sleep like a baby.

You wake up every hour pissing to bed and crying.

No, but you know.

No, you wake up the next day feeling like a million dollars, dirty, green, and wrinkled.

But I'll tell you one thing, ladies and gentlemen.

The Helix lineup from our folks at Helix Sleep, it includes 14 unique mattresses, including a collection of luxury models, a mattress for big and tall sleepers.

If you're 8 feet tall or 600 pounds, you probably be sleeping alone if you're either one of those, but they got one for you.

Even a mattress made just for kids, you ought to see the weed little thing.

It's only two feet long.

It's fucking cute.

It's about three inches thick.

You can put it up in the back of one of those old fucking Lincoln Continentals, the town cars.

Stop it.

You can put it up in the back window, put the kid back there on road trips.

He won't even bother you.

First of all, stop making up products.

Second of all, that's not the way anyone's allowed to use their car or have kids in their car for at least the last 35 years or so.

Seatbelt.

You never rode up in the back window, one of those big why my Uncle Tommy had one of those Ford Galaxy 500s, and I can fucking hop right up there.

I'll tell you what, boy, the girls in Jonesboro, Arkansas, when they'd follow you back to Memphis after the Saturday night matches, there was one girl in Jonesboro who had this huge sedan, and it was a big back seat area with a big shelf in the back.

And they used to do wonderful shows if you hit them with the high beams when you were following them right there in the back window.

But anyway, folks, back to the Helix Sleep Mattress.

Yes, back to that.

There is no better way to test out a new mattress than sleeping on it in your own home or doing whatever you do to mattresses in your own home.

And that's why they offer a 100-night risk-free trial.

So you get this mattress, you desecrate it in any way that you want for 100 nights to make sure that you like it and it works right, has the right amount of bounce to it and everything.

And if you don't like it, then they will come back and pick it up and give you a refund.

And then you'll have the satisfaction of knowing the next motherfucker gets that mattress, he's going to, oh boy, the things you've done.

But everybody's unique, folks, and everyone sleeps differently.

That's why they got the different models.

And you just get on helixleep.com and you take that quiz, tells them how you like to sleep on your side, or your back or your stomach, or face first with your ass up in the air, however you like to sleep.

And then they'll match you with the mattress that most

suits your needs.

They come with a 10 or 15 year warranty, depending on the model.

And

they've been awarded the number one mattress picked by GQ and Wired Magazine.

Everybody that works for GQ and Wired Magazine was required to sleep.

on a helix mattress for eight hours a night for six months and then they were unhandcuffed and allowed to write the reviews.

And it's even recommended by multiple leading chiropractors, doctors of sleep medicine, chiropodists,

and ovarian

OBGYN type of doctors because you don't want to.

Gynecologists.

There you go.

That's what I was looking at.

The gynecologists love these kind of mattresses.

They say it aids in the reproductive

situation there.

But anyway, and if you don't have to be nervous about buying a mattress online,

because of that Helix Sleep quiz, they've got all the information.

And you wouldn't believe some of the questions they ask.

And just make sure you give them all your financial information and all your bank

account numbers.

They're not going to ask you for any of that until it's time for payment, of course.

Well, this, and then they'll clean you out.

No.

Again, they'll bill you for what you buy.

They won't clean you out.

Yeah, that's what you think.

Stop making up products and stop saying that they're going to rip people off.

They're going to give people a good mattress.

I didn't say they were going to rip anybody.

Yeah, you're going to get a good mattress and you'll pay for it in the end, one way or the other.

If you don't want to pay up front, by God, they'll take it out on you afterwards.

But anyway, if just go to helixleep.com.

That's what you need to do.

HelixSleep.com slash JCE.

Because right now, Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners.

So you go to helixleep.com slash JCE

and you make that purchase and you get up to 200 bucks and up to two free pillows or up to two free.

You could get one free.

I don't, you know what?

I needed some more pillows because I'll tell you what, after my big birthday dinner, I went to sleep that night and I had a nightmare because I had all that food sitting on my stomach and I dreamed that I was at a picnic.

And I ate a bunch of marshmallows that I'd toasted over the open flame.

And when I woke up, all my pillows were gone.

And boy, was I sick to to my stomach.

Folks, with Helix Sleep, Better Sleep starts right now.

That's right.

And Better Sleep will continue here on this show, obviously, where I'm half asleep.

But this wasn't the most rotten SmackDown in the history of the world.

It's not as bad as it was, as it has been.

We'll keep an eye on it.

We'll continue to monitor these things, right?

We will see about that.

I mean, I don't know how much more monitoring of SmackDown I'm going to do if if I don't start my day with a healthy breakfast.

Well, you're just so abrupt.

You want to just jump right into that breakfast?

Well,

just

pour that bowl of milk and jump right into it and do the backstroke.

You know, every once in a while, when I have my morning breakfast, I like to put that magic spoon in the bowl and pour that milk on top of it and then just put my face in the bowl and just motorboat.

Just go

just like that.

Doesn't that make a mess?

Well, sure, it does.

And that's the way you want to start your day with making a mess of magic spoon because that's the key.

The spoon is the key, Brian.

The spoon is the key to the day.

And folks, again, you know the drill by now.

If you always loved that cereal when you were a kid, when your...

Your mother would slap you in the face to get you out of bed in the morning and kick your ass to get dressed and throw your school stuff at you and stab the back of your hand with a sharpened pencil.

Jesus, that would happen to you just to make sure that you knew to goddamn get to school on time.

And then they would take

a big box of cereal and they'd start hitting you over the head with it until the box broke open and all that cereal spilled out.

And then you were expected to get on your hands and knees and eat that cereal off the ground like a dog.

That happened to everybody when they were a kid.

But all that cereal at the time

had carbohydrates and additives and preservatives and all that nasty stuff that you don't want to put in your body.

I mean, for heaven's sake, you might as well be drinking formaldehyde as to put all those preservatives in your body.

Well, now

they have eliminated all that.

So now that you're a grown adult, when you get up in the morning and your wife slaps you in the face to get you up and kicks you in the ass to get dressed and then throws your work briefcase at you and then takes a sharpened pencil and stabs you in the back of the hand just to make sure you remember to go to work.

Stop it already.

And then hits you over the head with a box of magic spoon.

When that cereal busts out of that cardboard and pours all around you, and you get down on your hands and knees and you start lapping it up, you say, oh, this tastes good.

Oh, this is the best part of my day.

It's all going to be downhill from here.

Well, Jim, we should also make mention of the fact that there are many, many, if not predominantly, listeners of this show who have a normal day where they could sit down, pour the cereal themselves, pour the milk themselves, eat it in the traditional fashion with their mouth, and then get up and go.

In a traditional fashion with their mouth.

I never know what you're going to say, so I want to make sure I'm pretty explicit here in how I'm laying this out.

But the point is...

I don't think you need to be that explicit.

We've got children listening.

The point is, everyone can enjoy Magic Spoon, even the people who aren't getting hit over the head with the boxes.

And stabbed in the back of the hand with a sharpened pencil.

It's got zero grams of sugar, 13 to 14 grams of protein, and only four to five net grams of carbs in each serving.

Low carb, keto-friendly, gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, and only 140 calories of serving.

So you can build your own box with all their appealing flavors.

We got cocoa, fruity, frosted, peanut butter, blueberry muffin, maple waffle, honey nut, cookies, and cream, cinnamon roll.

Boy, some of these have a smoky, syrupy finish, and everybody always wants to finish with smoky syrup.

Folks, right now, go to magicspoon.com/slash Jim to grab a custom bundle of cereal and try the magic out for yourself.

Just wiggle your wand at this stuff, and it will change into a beautiful, delicious bowl of cereal.

And be sure to use our promo code Jim at checkout to save $5 off your order.

And don't forget about the 100% happiness guarantee.

As a matter of fact, your wife won't let you forget it because she'll stab you in the back of the hand with that sharpened pencil and write you a note 100%.

So you'll remember that if you don't like this cereal for any reason, they will refund your money, they being the folks at Magic Spoon.

You cannot get a refund on your wife, no matter how hard you ask.

So just

let that be known.

Right now, get your next delicious bowl of guilt-free cereal at magic spoon.com/slash Jim.

Use the code Jim to save $5 off.

It's guilt-free cereal, and it will make you feel better about anything you have to do during the course of the day.

If your back's against the wall and you have no other alternative, you have to lash out in this fashion.

Whatever you got to do, you got to do.

But eat a bowl of Magic Spoon afterwards, you'll feel better about the whole thing.

That's right.

Magic Spoon.

It's a good cereal you can eat in the traditional way.

Like you eat all cereal and all breakfast, except this one is magical, delicious, and nutritious.

Magic Spoon.

And just remember, when the authorities take your statement, try not to mention that you ate Magic Spoon before you did what you're fixing to do.

No, you're not going to do anything except enjoy a great breakfast with Magic Spoon.

There will be no authorities involved, but.

Guilt-free.

Guilt-free cereal.

You won't have to worry about what you're ingesting.

Now, remember, folks, you won't feel guilty about these acts you're about to commit, but that doesn't mean you can get get off scot-free.

You might be punished for this.

You won't feel guilty, but you may still encounter punishment.

Guilt-free and scot-free, two entirely different things.

All right.

Well, Jim,

you can watch a movie or a TV show.

Or you can try to stumble around and come up with a segue.

Or a website from around the world.

If you only knew a reliable and a good source to access an VPN?

Well, you know, here's the problem, Brian.

You know, we've talked about this before.

And with these new

high-falutin internet service providers, you don't know what's going on.

You don't know who they're talking to, dealing with.

And also with these hackers, you got these hackers now that know all this computer mumbo jumbo, and they can just pick your computer like they're picking your pocket.

But going online, according to this publicity material, going online without express VPN is like leaving your kids with the nearest stranger while using the restroom.

Most of the time, it's probably fine.

But every once in a while, when you come out of that bathroom, you find that that stranger has sold your children to a foreign government or criminals.

And, you know, it's the same thing with your internet service provider and these hackers.

It's not the same thing.

I don't know what you're talking about, but

no, you know, you know as well as I do.

Because, I mean, what, you used to have six kids, right?

And you're down to four because those times you had to piss at the, at the baseball game.

That's not true.

We've always had the same amount of kids.

Well, most of the time, it's probably fine, but you never really know who you're trusting.

You don't want to risk it.

That's why you need to be using.

Express VPN.

We've also talked about this on the program before.

Your internet service providers, you've had it happen to you countless times.

A couple of them come to your home one morning to fix some stuff that's going wrong, and when they leave, only one of them gets in the truck and leaves.

And you've been wondering to yourself, where is this other fucking guy?

Well, come to find out.

He's secreted himself in your home inside the walls so he can keep track of your browser history and the way that you use your internet.

And as well, these hackers,

well, they're just everywhere now.

And sometimes they even surface above ground.

And that way you can play whack-a-mole with them, but you can't ever actually eliminate them entirely.

That's why that ExpressVPN, what they do is they create a secure encrypted tunnel between your device and the internet so that hackers can't steal your data.

At one end of that tunnel,

They have secreted landmines.

So when the hackers that live underground get into that tunnel and try to get into your information, they come to the end of the tunnel, they get blown up.

No, what are you talking about?

Well, ExpressVPN, they create a secure encrypted tunnel.

Well,

they've got to wire it.

They've got to

set the explosives because that way, when the hackers that live underground get into that tunnel and try to tunnel all the way through to your information, they'll get blown up.

You know, hackers make serious cash selling personal information on the dark web.

Your browser history, they can sell it to criminals, they can sell it to foreign governments, they can sell it to your wife.

And imagine then what would happen.

Express VPN has made it easier than ever to keep your information away from the prying eyes of your significant other.

Just fire up the app, click one button, and you're instantly protected.

As a matter of fact, they will send a security force to your home to stand watch.

Don't bother them while they're on duty.

They'll be in a brown Ford LTD with Missouri plates, but they'll be sitting outside your house.

There is no security force.

No one will be outside of your house.

This is the entertainment portion of the spot here.

Of course, ExpressVPN is a serious company, and none of this will be taking place.

Well, let me ask you some serious questions.

Do you want your wife to know your browser history as well as the foreign governments and the criminals that may be trying to steal your identity?

I don't mind if my wife sees my browser history.

I got to go to the house.

Well, you'd be the only one.

Now, the foreign governments, that I may be worried about.

Well, and your wife will see plenty of foreign governments.

What?

Because they're all going to be trying to sell her your browser history.

Every single one of them from Moldavia?

Moldova, God.

Moldavia and

Monrovia.

They're all going to be trying to get money out of your wife to sell her your browser history so she can find out all the different things she needs to be mad about.

But ExpressVPN, folks, will keep you away from the hackers, keep you away from the criminals, keep you away from the foreign governments, and most importantly, keep you away from your wife.

And if you go right now to expressvpn.com slash JCE,

you'll get protected at the click of a button and a fire-up of an app, and you'll get three extra months for free.

Three extra months that nobody will be able to put you in prison because

you've gone to an illicit website

that has now trapped your identity there forever.

Expressvpn.com slash JCE.

Get secure right now and get three extra months for free and get that fucking guy out of your walls.

There's no one in your wall and you don't have too much to worry about, but ExpressVPN is a fine service that you should check out and see if it could do wonders for you.

Do you hear the beating and banging?

Now, there's somebody in my wall trying to get out.

I didn't hear it, no.

Well, you should be over here.

You'd hear it better.

All right.

Well, Express VPN, and you can hear you can't hear anything.

It's a site service that has nothing to do with hearing, but ExpressVPN.

It has nothing to do with hearing.

You then, therefore, you can be deaf and still avail yourself of this fine service.

That's right.

Express VPN.

Would you watch Kenny Omega wrestle in Alpaca?

I swear to God, that's not what I thought you were going to ask when you said, would you watch?

Because I was going to say you already knew the answer.

Maybe you got the answer from Kenny about the sheep in Japan.

I don't really want to watch

Kenny Olivier do anything except burst into flames.

Now, if he could do that.

You've seen kangaroos fight, right?

Yes, yes.

As a matter of fact, I've instigated a couple also.

I went up to a kangaroo one night.

I said, you ought to hear what that fucking kangaroo in the corner was saying about you.

I'm not talking about Norman Frederick Charles III.

I'm talking about Norman.

Oh, okay.

I really got Norman and fucking Jonathan Boyd all pissed at each other, but go ahead.

Would you watch Kenny Omega fight a kangaroo?

Yes, because those kangaroos will kick your fucking ass.

That'd be funny.

It'd be entertaining.

I would watch that.

Do you think that would break the pay-per-view record for AEW, Kenny Omega versus a kangaroo?

I would personally buy at least 50,000.

50,000, really?

50,000 pay-per-views.

If they'll book Kenny in a shoot now, no working.

It's got to be a shoot.

All right.

But you know what I need right now, Brian?

I can think of a few things.

What do you have on mind?

Tasty goddamn breakfast.

That's what I need right now.

Yeah, we're going to get to the wrestling here in a second, folks.

So, first, we'll talk about how to fortify yourself for that.

And the last thing you want to do before you watch bad modern wrestling is load yourself up with carbohydrates and sugar and calories and junk food and that kind of thing, because then you'll just feel miserable.

I mean, you'll be impacted.

You won't feel or look popular.

You'll pop out at parties.

You don't want to weigh yourself down with stuff like that.

What you want to do is eat a nice, healthy, good-tasting, refreshing breakfast with our friends at Magic Spoon.

Because, for example,

let's say you have to play one of these games where you're going to have to mate with an alpaca.

You need a lot of energy to mate with an alpaca.

Because they,

well, they're all high-strung to begin with.

So to hold one of those things down, you want to get a big bowl of magic spoon and one of the grape flavors.

I mean, anything goes with alpaca love.

Cocoa, fruity, frosted peanut butter, blueberry muffin, maple waffle, honey nut.

Hey, put a little nut in your alpaca.

Cookies and cream, cinnamon roll, whatever you want.

Have an indulgent bowl of magic spoon and then cuddle up and make sweet, passionate alpaca love with your chosen alpaca.

No, let's get away from animal love and, of course, joking animal love in this case, or virtual anime animal love with anime alpacas, and let's talk more about what happens in the real world and what happens with a healthy breakfast, which, as you said, you should start your day with every day like Magic Spoon.

You just blurted out and uttered out a string of words, anime, alpaca, and enemas, and all kinds of things.

Can you use this stuff for enemas as well?

I didn't say enemas, and I'm trying to get you back on

the back.

And you went to enemas.

All right.

Magic Spoon has a deal where you can build your own box and you can pick the flavors that you want.

If you go to magicspoon.com slash Jim, grab a custom bundle of the cereal, try the magic for yourself and use the promo code Jim at checkout.

That's J-I-M.

You'll save $5 off your order.

And we've talked about the 100%

happiness guarantee.

Once you become a customer of Magic Spoon and you eat whatever they put in it, you'll be deliriously happy.

They'll have to wipe the smile off your face with a sandblaster.

If not, if for some reason you're not just loving this cereal and you're not just deliriously happy and you're not just over the moon, then they will refund your money, no questions asked.

That's what they'll do, because that's the kind of people they are.

That's right.

And we know that you wouldn't want to fuck nice people like that around, so you're going to be honest.

Because also they have ways of figuring this out.

Once you eat that first magic spoon, there's a genetic code

to this cereal and they'll be able to tell from your stomach.

They have a reading on your stomach.

No, they don't.

If you eat the magic spoon and your stomach likes it, a green light glows up in the magic spoon headquarters and they know you like their cereal.

So if you try to lie to get your money back, they will show you a picture of your green light.

Friends, when you ingest the magic spoon that you'll be enjoying for breakfast, feel confident in knowing that there will be nothing entering your body that will be staying in your body,

certainly nothing transmitting a signal to anyone else.

No, it'll be entering and leaving your body the way most typical normal food does.

It enters and leaves your body through the normal passageway.

It just has changed some of your genetic code.

No.

Yes.

No!

No, they do nothing to your genetic code.

You have nothing to worry about.

with your genetic code.

Well, you've got zero grams of sugar, 13 to 14 grams of protein, and only four to five net grams of carbs in each serving.

Low carb, keto-friendly, gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, only 140 calories of serving.

It says right here, changes genetic codes slightly to acknowledge receipt of caloric intake from Magic Spoon, which will lead to

100% happiness.

It says it right here.

Whether you like it or not.

It says it right here.

Please don't let Jim go too far.

And here you are talking about genetic codes and all this.

Making a copy.

If you want a smoky, syrupy finish, go with that honey nut or maple waffle, or you can be indulgent with cookies and cream and cinnamon roll.

You can keep your own crappy genetic code if that's what you want.

Try to be happy on your own then.

We're going to go around and spread our own genetic coding happiness somewhere else.

MagicSpoon.com/slash Jim, use the code Jim to save $5 off at checkout.

And folks, again, a genetic code has never been so cheap than with Magic Spoon.

Again, Magic Spoon, a healthy cereal that you'll have for breakfast.

Enjoy.

Enjoy knowing that you're ingesting healthy Magic Spoon materials or food or ingredients.

God damn it.

I can't even think of what to say, but it's good and you will like it.

It'll be healthy and you have nothing to worry about with Magic Spoon.

But we're still back on Raw.

And boy, at this point point in time, it was easily two hours into this program.

And I was already, to be quite honest with you, ready to turn in for the night, Brian.

And, you know, I was just thinking, how in the world am I going to get a good night's sleep with nightmarish depictions of all of these rotten matches and redundant finishes?

running through my head like sugar plums the night before Christmas.

And then I realized I don't have to worry about going to sleep and getting a good night's sleep, no matter what I watch, because when I lay my brilliant head down on the pillow, it's going to be on top of a helix sleep mattress.

And that it doesn't matter what's going on in your life.

It doesn't matter how miserable you are.

It doesn't matter how stressed you are.

It doesn't matter.

I'm telling you, just go next door to the next door neighbor that makes meth under their basement, in their basement or under their kitchen sink and get about an ounce and a half of methamphetamine.

No.

And snort all that up.

Stop.

No, do not snort.

And you'll still go to sleep.

Listen, everyone, don't do that.

It could be hazardous to your health, but what won't be hazardous to your health, what may actually propel your health, would be a good night's sleep.

Helio Gracie said that he slept, I think, 12 hours a night.

Maybe it was 10.

I don't even know.

But you could do that too on a Helix sleep mattress.

Is that why they have their own Helix Sleep Helio?

Gracie special, the Helix Helio?

I do not believe they have that special, certainly not in the copy I have in front of me.

So I know they do not have that special.

Well, they ought to, shouldn't they?

But no, here's the thing.

Whatever you do, it doesn't matter what you do.

It doesn't matter how you abuse your body.

It doesn't matter what kind of horrible chemicals you ingest.

You're always going to go to sleep on a helix sleep mattress.

And just some of this stuff, if you take too much of it, you might never get up again.

But that won't be Helix's fault because

they've come through with their part of the bargain.

They've given you the best, most state-of-the-art, comfortable mattress ever.

If you want to do black tar heroin intravenously on it and you end up dying and melting into the mattress, it's not their fault.

They fulfilled their part of the bargain.

I don't think melting into the mattress is part of the dying process

on heroin.

If they don't find the body for a few months, you melt into the mattress?

You just kind of decompose right into the mattress.

It's the same thing.

And here's another thing.

It's not the same thing.

Here's another thing that's very similar.

A lot of you people out there, the cult of Cornet, they're getting up in age.

They're up almost as old as me in their 40s or 50s.

Well, you can get bed sores from a lot of these garden variety mattresses, but these helixleep.com mattresses, boy howdy, I'll tell you what, I have been on them for years and have not gotten one bed sore.

Take that for what you will.

And with that information as you see fit.

And why don't we talk about that aspect of it?

The fact that in your house in Castle Cornette, in my house in Last Manor, we both have multiple Helix Sleep mattresses and we love them.

We have firm ones.

We have ones that, I don't know what, not loose, but not as firm.

We have a lot of loose ones.

We have loose mattresses.

I don't know where to go from here, but ladies and gentlemen, they have great mattresses.

We have a lot of them in our home.

And not one time have either one of us ever got a bed sore.

You know, if you lay on some of the cheap mattresses long enough, then your skin kind of grows into the fabric.

And then when you peel it off, well, your skin comes with it.

And goddamn, then you've got.

I'll tell you what, we had pieces of Uncle Tommy on one of our old mattresses for months after he last slept here.

But that was not a Helix Sleep mattress.

No, it wasn't.

That's why we changed.

We said, we've got to get a mattress that doesn't have so many pieces of Uncle Tommy on it.

And that's when we found the fine folks at Helix Sleep.

All right, and folks, you just take a quiz.

You just answer a few simple questions.

It's not really an interrogation.

They do come to your house and shine a light in your eyes, but that's just to check your pupils and the dilation factor.

But you take a quiz.

And they pick the perfect mattress for you.

Do you like sleep on your side or your back or your stomach or whatever?

Soft, medium, firm, loose mattress, whatever you like.

And then once they recommend one, you purchase it, it's delivered to your door.

It's in a box that one person can actually move around, this space age technology.

You put it right where you want it.

You take it out of the package and

it just comes to life.

And remember,

it doesn't spring to life.

It slowly inflates to life.

So You're not going to get a broken nose or hitting the balls or anything when this thing just, it's not like you pull a rip cord and suddenly just bam.

It doesn't do that.

You got time to get out of the way.

So go to helixleep.com right now.

Helixleep.com slash JCE.

That's H-E-L-I-X.

HelixSleep.com slash JCE.

They're offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows.

But you got to go right now.

and take that quiz and order that mattress.

And I guarantee you, when that mattress shows up there will not be one single piece of uncle tommy on it better sleep starts right now with helixleep.com

that's right better sleep with helix sleep i do approve of that and i don't approve of going back to raw but let's let you finish what you started well i will finish what we started and i and also um do you have any pieces of your family members from the last time they slept there.

No, why

on your mattress?

Sometimes I think we moved on and you go back to the thing I'm just give you a chance to respond if you know if you had anybody's skin or epidermis still stuck to anything from last time that they were we certainly don't and certainly not from Uncle Tom.

But that's the thing is we just need about five more Heyman, six more Roman Reigns, and I never thought I'd say this, a couple more Sami Zayns.

Well, make sure when you watch SmackDown, you watch the next match, which was Liv Morgan versus Lacey Evans.

Oh, boy.

You know what?

I may need to scramble the signal on that one.

You know, and I mentioned this earlier, Brian.

You said you didn't want to Google certain things like I love you, Colonel Sanders, or how to have sex with a chicken, or whatever it may be.

No, no, no, that was not it.

It was, is it legal to have sex with a sheep in Japan?

You did, yeah, that's that's one of the things.

And, and, you know, when you googled it last time, you didn't think about it.

But now that we've been having these commercials,

I've never Googled that.

I thought you were going to say you've never thought about it afterwards.

I've never thought about it.

Regardless, I've never Googled it.

Folks, if you need to Google where it's legal to have sex with a sheep or anything else, then sometimes

or anything else, sometimes you might not want everybody knowing what you're doing on the internet, right?

And we've said that going online without something to protect your security on your internet system is like leaving your kids with the nearest stranger while you're using the bathroom.

Most of the time, it's probably fine, but every once in a while you end up having to buy that child back

on the dark web.

And those kids can get expensive enough just raising them normally without having to buy them back every couple of years.

So why would you ever want to risk that?

That's a lot of money.

As a matter of fact, a lot of kids are left

in situations like that where their parents can't afford to purchase them back and they end up becoming wards of the state and costing us all a bunch of money.

But that's what happens to you, folks.

No.

Every time you connect to an unencrypted network, you run the risk of having to buy your own children back from the dark web.

And anytime you get on the internet in cafes, hotels, airports, whorehouses, the Bunny Ranch out in Nevada, basically any network that is not your own.

Your online data is not secured.

So any hacker on the same network can gain access to and steal your personal data.

I'm talking about your passwords, financial details,

your Swiss bank accounts.

Candid photography.

Candid photography.

That's a big one.

They're wanting to try to steal.

The names of all of your

people on Adult Friend Finder, anything.

This is

Express VPN,

those folks create a secure encrypted tunnel between your device and the Internet so that hackers cannot steal your data.

Once they build this tunnel that's in between the device, your device and the internet, they will take a gerbil or a small furry animal and run it through the tunnel to make sure there's no blockages.

See, you could have a gerbil running around back and forth in between your tunnel on the first day.

No, you won't.

No, they don't.

And of course, this is a virtual tunnel.

But to tie it back to what you're saying, if you were on Adult Friend Finder and you had a lot of friends, maybe you can use this virtual tunnel to hide them as they sneak out.

Yes, because that's what your internet service provider does to you.

You know, we've been talking about this and it's a growing problem.

I'm reading about it everywhere.

When they come to your house to work on your internet, two guys show up.

When they leave, only one leaves because the other one is inside your walls.

And your internet service provider is keeping an eye on what you do on

your computer so that they can potentially sell that information to foreign governments or your own wife.

So if you go to Express VPN, like I said, they build that tunnel.

They come in with all kinds of heavy equipment.

It won't take long, one or two weeks at most.

And there'll be a tunnel underneath your home all the way.

to your internet service provider.

And inside that tunnel, they will put a guard dog to keep keep that guy that secreted himself inside your walls from coming out through the plugs and or the dryer vent in the middle of the night.

How would that happen?

Well, did you see that article on the news?

Not article on the, but a report on the news of the guy that was secreted in the wall and tried to come through the dryer vent in the middle of the night.

And

the dog actually got him and stopped him.

ate his nose off when he was stuck there.

And he was stuck there.

His head was sticking out.

The dog just came and started chewing on his nose.

It was gruesome footage.

But Express VPN will protect you from having your nose eaten by a dog.

You won't even have to get inside the wall.

They do it for you.

And folks, if now, if you're convinced that you need ExpressVPN worse than a sick man needs penicillin, and you should, because you do,

all you got to do is go to ExpressVPN.

Let me spell that for you: VPN.

Expressvpn.com slash JCE.

You fire up the app, you click one button, you're instantly protected.

And there's no protection like ExpressVPN.

I'm telling you,

the chances of you impregnating anyone once you're protected by ExpressVPN are nil.

And you'll get three extra months free when you slash JCE.

Go to expressvpn.com slash JCE, three extra months free.

Protect your devices, your laptops, your phones, your tablets, your plug-in vibrators, whatever you need to protect.

Express VPN will keep an eye on it for you.

So you can just put it down sometimes just on the sidewalk and walk off.

Express VPN will be keeping an eye on it.

You'll know where it is at all points.

Express VPN.

You may get so nervous that you don't eat breakfast, you don't eat lunch.

You have to make sure you eat dinner, but whatever you eat, you have to make sure you're eating something something healthy.

And we have something brand new we can tell the listeners about, something that is healthy and delicious.

And that is our friends at Factor.

And you managed to utter all that, Brian, without ever saying anything legible to tell people what Factor is.

Folks, I'll tell you what factor is.

Factor is the best eating you're going to be doing with the least amount of effort.

Because Factor.

has ready-to-eat meals that keep you fueled up and feeling good no matter how crazy your schedule may get.

You know, fall is a busy time for a lot of people.

It's always busy around here.

It's always busy where you are, Brian.

A lot of people don't have time to sit down and cook these multi-course meals.

But at the same time, you want to eat healthy.

You want to eat, you say you want your protein, you want to get good protein, or you want to eat keto-friendly or calorie-smart or vegan and veggie?

Vegan and veggie or vegan and veggie?

Why isn't it vegan then?

If it's veggie, veggie, why isn't it vegan?

Well, there's two different things.

Being a vegan is different than

not being a veggie, but being a vegetarian.

Well,

it's pronounced differently and why?

But nevertheless, if you need to get good food,

stick to a special diet, don't have a lot of time to spend prepping things.

You go to factor.

That's what you do.

We've already actually gotten some of the, you know, Stacey's doing the keto diet and she got the keto-friendly stuff, and she's, it's just so delicious.

But no matter what kind of diet you're on or what kind of schedule you keep, you don't have to spend six to eight hours in the kitchen anymore, you know, cooking the, the, uh, the, the beef from scratch.

You know, you got to go out, you got to kill the cow, you got to cut it apart, you got to lug it up the hill to the kitchen, you got to roast it over an open flame for hours.

No more of that.

How many hours does it take you to fix a cow, brian i've never had to fix a cow thankfully i thought you liked beef so you're a vegan or i'm not i'm not a vegan or a vegan or a vegetarian or whatever you're trying to say i like cows i don't personally have anything to do with the handling of the cow you got nothing against the cows it just when it's time for them to die it's time for them to die but you don't take it matters into your own hands i don't even want to be there when the death is happening i just want to hear about it so you just want people to come and scream at you the cow must die Oh, a whisper would probably be better, but yes, let me know what's going on.

Why are we talking about this?

Why are we talking about

because it takes hours to kill and fix your own dinner anymore?

Especially now that it's harder than ever to find wildlife.

You've got to spend hours just searching for it before you can hunt it down and kill it and then drag it home and then cook your own dinner.

Well, the people at Factor are knocking this schedule, this time schedule, down to minutes.

They make it fast and easy and healthy, like we mentioned.

Prepared meals delivered to your door.

They offer 30 plus meals a week and 36 plus

seems like an awful specific number to then add plus to add-on options, smoothies, juices, and snacks, no matter what you're looking for.

They have a commitment to ingredients with integrity.

All of these ingredients, folks, are honest as the day is long.

If you have bacon before that pig was killed, it never told a lie in its life.

Ingredients with integrity, and they're flexible.

You can change your order up every week with plans from four to 18 meals a week.

18 meals a week?

What kind of goddamn diet are you on?

Well, you have to have multiple meals a day.

What are you talking about?

Who are you calling a big hog?

I'm saying somebody's eating 18 meals a week, for heaven's sake.

How many meals a week do you eat?

How many days are there?

There are seven days in a week.

Well, and I eat seven meals.

Dude, one meal a day?

Yeah, it takes a while to eat that much food.

Anyway, they offer fast, simple solutions, as I mentioned with the protein plus meals or the keto-friendly meals or all the other kind of meals.

They've got that, the protein plus has 30 grams of protein or more.

And the best part about

it's cheaper than carry-out and takeout and all the Uber Eats and the delivery services.

It's cheaper than all that stuff.

It's restaurant quality.

Chef crafted.

Chef crafted.

There is no chef crap involved with this food.

Chef crafted.

God damn you.

They crash your food.

They don't crap your food for the record.

It's chef crafted recipes.

They will not crap in your food.

However, it's also dietitian approved.

So you got that going for you.

and I'll tell you as I mentioned it's delivered right to your door ready mail ready mailed meals ready made

son of a bitch ready made meals that are mailed right to your door

matter of fact

if you get the best program the guy shows up and you got to tell him now they're very punctual he'll show up at noon Then again at 6 p.m., right with your door with that meal.

They must have the microwave in the car because it's hot when he hands it to you and if you give him a $20 tip he'll stick it in your mouth and rub your throat until it goes down so you don't choose that's not it and you're even saying that you're diminishing the greatness of factor which is they deliver fresh food maybe i just got the right delivery guy who was in a frisky mood that day i'm not sure but they give you fresh food nothing that's ever been frozen and

you could heat it up in a microwave or if you're if you have a palate that you want something that tastes a little better you could put it in your oven and do it the right way But it is delicious.

We've been eating it here.

And I have to say, they have a chicken parmesan dish that was delicious.

And I couldn't believe how fresh the chicken was.

It was like the bird has just been killed.

And he was an honest son of a bitch, too, before he met his demise.

He'd never told a lie in his life.

The bird?

That's right.

Like I said, they've got ingredients with integrity.

The animals themselves have integrity.

They certainly do.

That's what I was saying.

You get a piece of bacon, that pig never told a lie in his life, never cheated anybody, never stole anything.

But what about

you know the cow that I ate week before last used to help old ladies across the street?

What about the options that have no meat?

Because, of course, our friends who don't like meat, they'll be taken care of as well.

Well, yeah, but what are you?

Out of your mind?

You think they can get a piece of broccoli with integrity?

Broccoli can't speak at all.

Broccoli never tells a lie.

You don't think broccoli has integrity?

Broccoli's not able to have integrity.

Broccoli has no personality.

In any cartoon that I've ever seen, broccoli portrayed as having legs or arms or a personality, usually they wear glasses and they seem pretty on the ball.

I've watched a lot of Sesame Street with my kids.

I watch a lot of Sesame Street with my kids.

And I'm not going to let you put down broccoli.

All right, well, none of the broccoli and the dinners from Factor come from Sesame Street.

Folks,

you want to know how to get in on this at this point.

You want to know how to have healthy meals pre-prepared with nutritious ingredients that are good for you and approved by dieticians.

You want to know how to have those brought to your house, whether or not you get the friendly delivery boy that rubs your throat so you don't have to chew.

And you wouldn't believe what he did for dessert.

You won't get that.

It'll be delivered the same way all parcels are delivered to your house by a professional who will leave.

Even if a professional who will leave, well, he left when it was time.

But even if you don't get Claude to deliver for you, folks, like I did, now just take a piece of paper, huh?

Claude?

Claude.

Like the Iron Claw?

No, Claude.

Oh, like Claude Patterson.

Yes, yes.

I thought you meant you were going to claw the people like a fucking bobcat or something.

No, no.

I was talking about the delivery guy I got that was kind and went the extra mile for me.

That's why I wrote down his name and phone number to have him come back.

Claude?

Claude, yes.

But anyway, if you've got a pen and a piece of paper, folks, you're going to write down the information on how to get in on this healthy, delicious food, these pre-prepared meals that are ready in minutes, that are delivered to your door, that won't make you fat or won't, they'll fill you with protein.

If you're a vegan or a veggie, they won't fucking hurt you, whatever the case may be.

Delicious food that's healthy and fresh.

It really is good.

I've been a big fan of it.

Well,

I just look down at people that don't eat meat.

I eat meat.

It's well, I'm not talking about you.

Well, you said about all those vegans and veggies out there.

There's always a chance they could convert.

Why are you going to put them down and ruin any chance they're going to even consider this?

Because they'll think the people that eat meat are jerks.

I just, I know they're trying to take care of animals, but you know, thing is, somebody's going to eat that cow now.

But nevertheless, if you'll go

to here, to this, you go go to go

geo.factor f a ctor seventy five dot com

slash jce one thirty

say that again say that again i intend to i intend to and i can already see comments we're going to be getting about this now write this down folks go geo dot factor f a c t o r seventy five dot

slash JCE130

and use the code JCE130 to get $130

off across six boxes of these fine

nutritious ingredients and meals.

So again,

go.factor75.com slash JCE130.

And if it's worth that much to you, you'll get 130 bucks off across six boxes of the fine meals that you pick and choose for yourself.

And you can pause these things, you can restart them, you can add, you can subtract, you can do all kinds of stuff.

It's amazing.

You'll be eating this stuff forever.

Factor.

Yes, factor75.com slash no, go got go.factor75.com slash JCE130.

Use the code JCE130.

And I think what you meant to say is go.factor75.com slash JCE130.

That's what I thought I said.

I was just reiterating and use the code JCE130.

Yes.

Do you think they wrote that down by now?

Go.factor75.com slash JCE130?

Yes.

Sounds like a robot, does it?

Sounds like a fucking robot with Tourette's.

Anyway,

it's your program, but that's factor, and they're delicious.

So is just

getting a group of young people to like your shit without anybody from any other age group who thinks it may be stupid, silly, illogical, fake, phony, not worth my time, or poorly fucking acted,

then isn't that a recipe for disaster?

Aren't you kind of,

you know, appealing to an audience that you know by history and tradition and trend is going to go away fairly quickly?

I think wrestling's making a lot of mistakes.

That's your question.

Yeah.

Well, I tell you what, if I do, you know, I don't know what I'm going to do.

I may have to send out an audition tape or I may have to get my resume together.

Or, you know, what I'm going to do if wrestling goes away and I need to find a new line of work, Brian, I won't have anything to talk about anymore.

I guess, well, maybe how am I going to support myself?

In the stock market, you know, the stock market's sideways, right?

It's up, it's down, it's all across.

You can't trust it anymore.

You can't trust stock markets anymore.

And, you know, all the prices are up of everything

except your 401k.

But you know who's making money, Brian?

Who's just taking it in hand over fist?

Who's that?

Our friends at Masterworks.

I mentioned this on your program the other day,

that so far they have had an average net return of 29%

to their members that have invested in the fine art through Masterworks.

Because as we know, everything, collector plates,

gold, silver, precious metals, diamonds, everything goes up and down.

But Masterworks, I'm talking about the Shakespeare's and the Van Gogh's and the Rembrandts and the people who really do the great stuff that stands the test of time down through the ages.

When's the last time you heard of a discount sale on a Picasso?

Huh?

Oh, never.

When's the last time you clearance?

Got to get all these Rembrandts out of here.

I wish I'd be there.

Prices slashed to the bat doesn't happen.

And that's why the folks at Masterworks are helping people make money because, like I said, average net return of 29% so far on just six exits, as they say.

That's the, you know, that's in the trade.

That's what they call it.

And last month, they sold another painting and got a 33.1% return.

And as we've mentioned, everybody from me and Brian to Scott Steiner will tell you, that means that you've got a 33.1% chance

of making some money with Masterworks.

They've got an A-plus rating from the Better Business Bureau, and those things things don't come cheap they had to spend a fortune to bribe those people to give them that there was no bribery it was genuinely earned that's true they covered it up on the paperwork and they can do the same thing for you folks you want the crooks working on your side there are no crooks involved with masterworks that's right folks these crooks here are innocent there are no crooks

There are no crooks involved with Masterworks.

Well, okay, you know.

And they are innocent.

And they're not crooks.

They are.

Art connoisseurs is what they are.

They're art innocent.

These

aren't art.

They're completely like babes in swaddling clothes.

And these paintings that they buy that you get a piece of and you have a stake in the appreciation value of them and then the eventual sale.

These paintings, you can barely tell where the cat burglar has cut them out of the frame in the gallery.

It's amazing.

They use a sharp knife and just zip, zip, and it's right out of that frame.

There is no stolen artwork or no artwork that was attained on the black market that is a part of anything that you would be purchasing with Masterworks.

It's all legitimate artwork that has been legitimately obtained and there are no legal issues whatsoever.

And in over 80% of the cases, the painting was actually painted by the person that signed it.

Ladies and gentlemen, 100%,

let's get away from the Steinerman.

100% of the artwork is legitimate.

Yes, it's legitimately painted on canvas by people who purchased those paints.

And folks, you, again, can be a part of this.

You can own a piece of a piece of fine art.

And when it sells, you can cash in and you can, you know, if you move to the Philippines with 60 grand in cash, you can live like a king, from what I understand.

But you can do anything you want to with this money.

Just make sure it's in small bills when they hand it over to you.

Folks, right now,

So many of you have signed up.

They want to offer my listeners priority access so you can skip the wait list and no waiting around.

And that's the worst part about being involved with Masterworks is waiting around on the sidewalk outside of the museum where Masterworks people are going in and obtaining the art because you got to wait on the sidewalk and kind of look around and make sure nobody's coming.

That's not how it works.

You have to wait nowhere and no one is doing anything illegal or illicit.

Of course, you just, in a legitimate fashion, purchase.

I can't.

I can't even speak.

It makes me so happy.

You purchase a piece of fine art.

And what is better than that?

What a great investment.

Well, if you, again, purchase a piece of fine art, then you can skip the wait list.

You don't have to be waiting out on the sidewalk.

All you got to do is use our link.

Go to masterworks.art

slash gym.

That's masterworks.art slash gym.

And you can find out all about what we're talking about.

And you'll see that.

Brian's, you know, sometimes misrepresenting things, but I'll try to straighten him out.

And you can see important regulation A disclosures at masterworks.com/slash CD, because those disclosures, well, that's in case you have to hire an attorney over this situation,

you may want to read through this just so you'll be prepared.

Masterworks.art

slash gym.

You know what the problem is, don't you?

Yeah, the booking's never been worse.

No, it's that they're not listening to the right people.

That's true.

See, what Tony Khan is doing is he's listening to the voices in his head

and he's doing what they tell him to do.

But the problem is he doesn't have his Raycon wireless earbuds in.

So those are not really announcers or broadcasters or people that he's listening to that might know what the fuck that they're talking about.

It's his own psychopathic voices inside his head that's giving him bad advice because the first thing that he should do is know not to listen to himself, right?

You're asking me to confirm that Tony Kahn should not listen to himself?

Yes.

In anything or just in wrestling matters?

Just if anything.

If he says to himself, he says, self, I ought to turn left, he ought to turn right.

Well, I wouldn't say that, but I would say

he should go against every natural instinct that he has.

And he should listen to other people.

And they'll sound great if he's listening to them on those Raycon wireless earbuds.

Folks, if you see people walking down the street, having a conversation with themselves, nobody else with them, but they're talking or they're singing, it's not because they're crazy.

It's because they're listening to what they want to listen to on their Raycon wireless earbuds.

And these things, they're so perfect to go in your ears, you can't even tell you got them in.

People can't even see them.

As a matter of fact, let's say, for example, you go to Las Vegas and you go in the casino and you get in one of those high-stakes poker games where millions of dollars can be won or lost.

If you wear your Raycon wireless earbuds and you make arrangements with a compadre or cohort, they can get binoculars and look at the other people's hands and they can broadcast what they have in their hands to you courtesy.

of the Raycon wireless earbuds and people will never know that you have them in.

They better never know you have them in because if they find out, that means you're trying to cheat.

And since it's Las Vegas, they will have you taken out behind the casino and all your legs will be broken.

That is not a bad thing.

Three legs.

Well, no, Raycon wouldn't do it.

Right.

The casino people would do it.

The guys with the broken noses would do it.

The Guido and Vito, they would do it.

That's discriminatory, but certainly people that work in a casino would love to break the legs of anyone who's cheating.

That's true.

They break both your legs, all three of your legs.

How many legs you got, they'll break them.

So that means that what you need to do is you need to get the special Raycon everyday wireless earbuds that are flesh colored.

So that way when you're cheating at cards at a casino in Las Vegas, people don't know you have these things in your ears because they won't fall out.

Trust me.

They will not budge.

We've talked about how once they go in, they're in there for a while.

You just try to get them some bitches out.

And you'll get quality audio at half the price of other premium audio brands.

That's right.

And you'll also be able to get them out of your ear at any point you want.

Well, the other premium audio brands jack the price up significantly and try to cheat you, but Raycon doesn't do that.

They want your repeat business and they want you to be happy.

That's why they've got over 50,000 five-star reviews.

And many of those reviews come from ear, nose, and throat doctors who have taken Raycon wireless earbuds out of patients' ears or noses or throats.

Nope.

And they use them themselves and they find that they sound better than the ones that they've had as well.

That may sound nice, ladies and gentlemen, but it's not true.

Well, it's nobody has actually proven it, but I suspectify.

Anyway, they got three customizable sound profiles.

They've got the earbud tap functions.

Anytime you want to tap one of these earbuds, you're allowed to.

And also, there's the noise isolation mode and the awareness mode.

So you can either isolate yourself from noise, which is what you want to do most of the time, because let's face it, the whole world today is just one big headache.

Or when occasionally you want to become aware of your surroundings, then you tap that, and suddenly you have full awareness and consciousness, and you can speak on the same plane as the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi.

Very good, very, very good.

Right now, full awareness, folks, right now.

Go to buyraycon.com.

That's B-U-Y-R-A-Y-C-O-N.

That's so melodious.

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That's code JCE15 at buyraycon.com.

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You can listen to music.

You can listen to podcasts.

You can block out your nagging wife and

annoying children.

You won't even hear the noise of the oncoming train if that's the way you want to go out in a flame of glory.

Don't, we don't advise that.

Nope.

No, especially not on the bridge.

But, you know, sometimes you got to do what you got to do.

No, you don't.

You got to do the right thing.

You got to do the right thing.

Sometimes the right thing would be stepping out in front of that train.

It just depends on what your situation is.

Well, it depends on the person.

There's a few people I'd like to see step in front of a train, to be honest with you.

Yes, it might not be best for them, but it'd be best for us.

I don't know if they're going to do it willingly.

Yeah, well, sometimes people have to be coerced.

BuyRaycon.com.

JCE15 is the code 15% off.

Boy, howdy, you'll you'll love the way these things feel when you stick them in your ear holes.

If it is not their number one priority

to make the shit as legitimate looking and believable as possible, then they're not doing their jobs right because they're putting out bad fucking movies.

Well, perhaps they want to see those movies in a safe fashion.

Without having it on their normal ISP.

Perhaps they want to find a way to transition to something more pleasant and fun, like you butchering a spot for a wonderful advertiser.

Oh, come on.

Of course, I'm talking about our friends at ExpressVPN.

I don't butcher anything, and I always do commercial spots with the utmost in taste and integrity in mind.

But let me ask you a question, Brian.

Do you ever take a shit with the bathroom door open?

I don't typically talk about my shit making or taking whatever you said there.

I'm not talking about

talking about what kind of shit or the consistency of it or the fucking weight or the quantity or anything.

I'm just asking

general rule, positioning geographically.

I think as a general rule, it is the obligation of the shitter to close the door and also put the fan on.

Well, yes, but you're not comfortable if you're trying to take a shit and a bathroom door is open, right?

Probably not.

You can't mentally relax.

Probably not.

You're exposed, all your little dangly bits, and you're in a

highly vulnerable position where your pants are around your ankles and your shirt's kind of tucked up in the back so it does the shirt tail doesn't droop down and you know I'm home.

I'm taking off my shirt.

Well,

you can take your shit.

If you're one of the people who prefers to take your shirt off to take a shit, I can't shirt tail.

At home.

Well, and then there's the problem also when you're taking a visiting shit.

Well, in somebody else's home, you can do the same thing, but in like a public bathroom or a truck stop or things like that, time is also a factor because especially if it's busy, the pressure gets on you when you see feet start standing around like they're in line.

And now the pressure is on you.

And it's hard to perform under pressure a lot of times.

And then sometimes when you go into some of these places, they don't have a goddamn door on the stall.

So you have to figure, well, should I just try to do this and quickly and get out of here, even though I am expired.

And then when when you got your pants around your ankles, you're trying to keep your pants off the floor because generally in a place like that, there's piss on the floor also.

Hey, listen, while this is a scintillating conversation, I believe we were supposed to be talking about ExpressVPN.

I don't know.

Well, I'm getting there.

I'm getting there.

See?

Because here's the thing.

You don't take a shit with the bathroom door open because all your private parts are exposed and your dangly bits and things that can be seen and potentially mocked or made fun of.

And it's, and especially when you're in a situation, you know, where you don't have a stall door at all to close, well, then you have some decisions to make.

And that's only acceptable in a few types of businesses to have bathrooms without stall doors.

And generally, you know, then everything's up for grabs.

But it's the same thing, Brian, if you're exposing your privacy.

as well as your private parts.

You don't want random people passing by, looking at you, taking notes, talking about the smell.

Like Mama Cornette used to say, it smells like something crept in, crept, and crept out.

You don't want people to do that.

So why would you want them to do it online, Brian?

Using the internet without Express VPN is like going to the bathroom and not closing a door.

People are just wandering by looking at all your private parts and your dangly bits.

Your internet service provider, that's what those ISPs are.

They know every single website you visit.

Maybe that's why you didn't want to Google is it legal to fuck sheep in Japan the other day?

Well, there's a lot of reasons why, but that would certainly be one of them.

I wouldn't want anyone to see that I was doing this, but I would never do it to begin with, so I don't have anything to do with it.

Well, you can take one of those worries off your mind with Express VPN.

Because not only are they not going to be able to see it, but they also will not be able to sell that information to ad companies and tech giants.

And I know it's common knowledge, everybody that Googles the legality of sheep fucking gets all kinds of advertisements for wool sweaters in the fall and all kinds of advertisements for animal husbandry and things of that nature.

And that's why, because they sell your information.

But ExpressVPN puts a stop to it, creating that secure encrypted tunnel.

Even a funnel.

It's going to funnel the information from one place to the other without the ISP or the state police, the KSP, Kentucky State Police, or any of the other police agencies able to know what you're doing.

So, therefore, if your black market business has been down

because you're getting stooged off, you know, and you're trying to sell illegal plutonium or, you know, other necessary ingredients in today's

charged atmosphere on the internet, ExpressVPN can help you with the plutonium transfers, the black market.

No.

Well, now the black market child labor is a no.

No.

No child labor, no plutonium.

There won't be any plutonium involved in this or any other ingredients or chemicals or biological products that could be considered hazardous or dangerous or that any government in the world does not allow you to transfer back and forth.

That's not what we're talking about with Express VPN.

That's not what we're talking about here.

And also, if you're going to buy a person, they have to be over 21.

You can't can't say that.

Well,

if you're in the market for Soylent Green also.

What?

Soylent green, you've got to use ExpressVPN.

But anyway, it works on everything, phones, laptops, even routers.

So everybody that shares your Wi-Fi, all your friends and neighbors, all the people that live behind you in the...

Other side of the parking lot,

next to the target.

You don't share your Wi-Fi with strangers, Jim.

Well, you don't think you do, but that's why ExpressVPN is going to come in and clean this situation out and make sure everything's on the up and up or the down low or the K-fade.

And the best part is using ExpressVPN is as easy as closing that bathroom door.

Or if you're one of those locations that does not have a bathroom door, they'll put a piece of plywood up.

in front of you and the people who are going to stand around and watch you take a shit.

You just fire up that app, click one button, pull your pants up, and buckle your belt, and you're protected.

And they are the world's number one rated VPN by Mashable

and The Verge.

So

you've got a magazine about potatoes and The Verge.

Didn't they have a hit with

Bittersweet Symphony?

The Verve.

Yeah, The Verge.

Yeah, they had it.

The Verve.

And then they found out who Alan Klein was, and he got all the rights to that song.

They actually just got it back a couple years ago.

Well, that's good for them.

Did they went through Express VPN then?

No, Alan Klein died.

That's what happened in the next day.

Oh, well, did ExpressVPN kill him?

No, Express VPN.

Our sponsors don't kill people.

Let's be clear about that.

What they do is help people, and they can help you, ExpressVPN.

Well, they'll root those internet service providers out of the walls of your house.

I'll tell you that.

What they do with them once they take them off your property is none of your concern, and best not you ask any questions.

Folks, if you're like me and believe that your online activity is your business or you don't like to take a shit in public, secure yourself by visiting expressvpn.com slash JCE today.

Use my exclusive link.

That's what that slash is, expressvpn.com slash jce

and you'll get an extra three months protection free.

Free three months on top of all this other protection.

You're going to be invulnerable.

You're going to be protected and you'll just be able to,

hell, you'll be able to drop trowel and just take a big poop anywhere you want out in public from now on because you'll be protected.

Nobody will be able to see you.

Just go to the next Walmart parking lot closest to you, get in the middle of it, and just drop trowel and fire off a chocolate rocket.

Let the fudge monkey out of his cage.

Drop the Browns off at the Super Bowl.

Nobody will be able to see you because you will be protected and covered up by ExpressVPN.

Anyway, uncontrolled chaos, Canada's remarkable professional wrestling legacy.

Thank you, Vance Nevada.

I'll tell you, you know, if it wasn't for historians like this, Brian,

we would be in the dark.

We wouldn't know what the fuck was going on.

And that's why now it's so important.

We've got to salvage this history now that the newspapers are online, now that all this information, all this research is online, you can just tap into it with

the touch of a fingertip on the keyboard.

But you don't know what you're getting into these days when you get on the internet, right?

It's a dark and disturbing place.

Well, it can be, of course, unless you protect yourself.

Well, you got to be protected.

You don't raw dog a hooker behind a dumpster in an alley off of Broadway no without being protected and you don't go to that in the spot 20 seconds into the spot i wasn't even in the spot

what jesus

well especially if she happens to be from brazil colombia what points south like that you don't want to do you want to be protected you want to be covered up you know here's something else i mentioned this the other day on your program You don't want to take a shit without closing the door.

You're exposing all of your private dangly bits to perusal and examination by others.

And that's the same thing.

You're exposing your dangly bits with that hooker in the alleyway over the dumpster off of Main Street.

You don't want to expose your privates.

Just lay them out there.

Just have them out laying in the sun, ready for everybody to come and step on or kick or puncture.

or mistreat in whatever way.

You don't want to do that, do you, Brian?

You wouldn't wouldn't lay down on broadway naked with your legs spread out your balls hanging over a manhole cover and just let people walk up and kick you in them would you well not since i was in my twenties no but apparently that is a big thing a lot of people like to tan their testicles now i don't know why but well but even if you're you tan in your backyard where you could let the right not in the polo ponies roam free not in the middle of the street where people can look at them and inspect them and mistreat them well that's the same thing you're doing really virtually when you're on the internet and you're not protected and you're not covered up and

you don't have a raincoat over your fingertips so you don't get any on you.

You don't want to get any of this stuff on you.

But fortunately, Express VPN can prevent the four diseases of the apocalypse, the syphilis of the keyboard, the gonorrhea of the internet,

the various STDs that you can get from getting on the internet unprotected, and all of it goes into your computer, and it'll drive your computer insane.

You know, the keyboard syphilis that's going around these days,

eventually it's madness and death for your computer.

You'll know

if you take your computer's temperature regularly, you'll know by that.

That's an early warning sign.

But

if your computer starts jumping up and down and running around the room and kicking things and screaming, that's a good indication that you have keyboard syphilis.

So anyway, the friends at ExpressVPN, they can cover you up on all this stuff.

No more communicable diseases and no more people staring at your private dangly bits.

You know your internet service providers.

They are looking at your dangly bits.

They know every single website you visit.

And they can sell this information.

to the ad companies and the big tech giants who's going to use that data to target you.

Have you heard about this?

They're targeting you.

And now you may be walking down the street on the way home from a Cub Scout meeting and you'll never see it come and suddenly a giant crowbar swings out from behind a tree and your brains are grape jelly.

What do you think?

Because they're targeting you.

What are you talking about?

They're watching you.

They're following you.

They're targeting you.

Who is?

I just said.

The big ad companies and the tech giants, they're using your data to target you.

There may be snipers in the trees.

No.

You never know.

You can't go outside because you're being targeted.

But ExpressVPN is going to put a stop to it.

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I guess that's what we're calling it these days, your device.

Well, you know, the equipment.

Yeah, wink, wink, nod, nod.

But this tunnel goes from your equipment.

to the internet so that your online activity can't be seen by anybody.

Your equipment will go straight through this encrypted tunnel right into the internet to the porn that you're watching, and nobody's going to be able to see what you're watching.

And you can use, what am I telling you?

Keep going.

Keep going.

You can use

Express VPN.

You okay over there?

You can use Express VPN on all your devices.

As I said, that's what we're calling them now.

It works on everything.

Phones, laptops, routers,

even

ditillator Mach 3, it works on that too.

So that way people won't be, you know, you can find those where you can wire them up to the, and you can buzz them from remotely and send people a greeting.

Anyway, raw dog.

The best part is using Express VPN is as easy as closing the bathroom door or picking your

balls up off Main Street, putting them back in your pants and walking on.

That's easy to do also, but Express VPN, you just fire up the app, you click one button and you are protected.

No more communicable diseases that you will contract from the internet service providers knowing

everything about you and what you're doing and targeting you for persecution and expulsion and expatriation.

Expulsion?

Expatriation?

Expatriation?

They're going to kick you out of the country.

They're targeting you.

They're on your back.

The advertisers?

All of them.

They want rid of your ass.

Why would they want to get rid of people?

Because we know too much.

All right.

But you want to know how to get this stuff.

Well, no one will accuse us of knowing too much, but we're talking about express media.

Yes, we are.

And if you want to know how to get this done, if you're like me, folks,

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We're very sorry.

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That's expressvpn.com/slash JCE, three months free.

And peace of mind knowing that your device will be protected.

Every week, and I hate to say it, the women's match causes a hemorrhage of viewers.

No matter what part of the show it's in, it seems like, and usually it's always in the same part of the show, but it causes a mass exodus of viewers.

And we could all like women's wrestling.

We could all like the best women's wrestlers out there.

And we could all want the best for it.

But there's a reality that needs to set in at some point.

Well, you know what?

When you're hemorrhaging, that's not a good thing, Brian.

It's not good to hemorrhage what are you going to transition to this is this can't be it's it's not good to hemorrhage and and i thought you were going to say it's it you know the the hemorrhoids because it's not good to have the hemorrhoids either why did you think i would say that well it's that one of those hem words hemorrhoids hemorrhage

it goes right in together sometimes you have hemorrhoids and they hemorrhage

and i'll tell you what you can stay off the hemorrhoids and the hemorrhaging

in one simple way.

That's the last thing you want to do is wake up first thing in the morning and either have a hemorrhoid or have it hemorrhage.

So you wake up every morning, you have a good healthy breakfast that enables your evacuation capacity to work at 100% and as well to make sure that you don't have any sugar and carbohydrates and additives and preservatives and chemicals.

all clogging up your bloodstream so you don't hemorrhage.

So if you want to save yourself from either bleeding to death or falling out your own asshole, ladies and gentlemen,

you need to eat a good breakfast.

What?

We should just say it in a nice way.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's a good idea to begin your day with a healthy breakfast, a nutritious breakfast, something that'd give you protein, something that can give you some good taste.

Yes.

And we have a wonderful cereal to talk about right here as I commandeer this spot.

Yes.

Our friends at Magic Spoon.

Yes, they do.

And yes, they are.

And yes, you will to all those things that you just said.

Because folks, the last thing you want to do, like I said, after you eat breakfast, is either bleed to death or fall out through your own assholes.

So

what you're doing is you're eating good from the start of your day.

Magic Spoon, you used to like to eat all this shit when you were a kid.

Kids don't get hemorrhoids.

But as you're older, you'll find out that you need to make sure that everything that goes through your digestive tract is amenable to your body and its orifices and its various chemical makeup.

Eat more fiber.

That's why.

Yes, fiber, because that's what Magic Spoon will do for you.

They put all the good stuff in, including taste, and taking out all the bad stuff.

Each serving of Magic Spoon cereal contains zero grams of sugar, 13 grams of protein, and less than 5 grams.

of net carbs.

It's low carb, keto-friendly, gluten-free, grain-free, and soy-free.

And it's only 140 calories of serving.

And boy, you got that fiber you mentioned too.

That'll keep you shitting like a goose, ladies and gentlemen.

It will just, I'm telling you, this magic spoon lubricates

your inner digestive system where everything just,

it'll slip out there like whale shit in an ice flow.

And you've got options.

with over eight unique flavors over eight.

Let's see.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

There's nine.

That's over eight.

Cocoa, fruity, frosted, peanut butter, blueberry, muffin, maple waffle, honey nut, cookies and cream, and cinnamon roll.

And they all taste great like those classic cereals of old without all of the gunk in it.

So whether you like the flavor or the texture, or whether you like the fact that every time you eat this, why it's just like a...

an evacuation, a fire hose coming out of your anal orifice with all of the bad ingredients that have been stored up in your body for who knows how.

Do you know that sometimes bits of undigested beef can lodge themselves in your colonic tract and be there for years?

Ladies and gentlemen, what he's trying to say is that different people find different things entertaining.

But what you don't have to worry about, and I can't believe I'm going to have to say this, is any unusual defecation.

It'll be normal defecation.

It won't cause you to have any pain.

We just say there won't be fire coming out or anything else like a fire hose it's you don't have to worry about this you just have to worry about a nice breakfast isn't that right jim that's right just don't bend over in the kitchen you're liable to knock glasses off the kitchen table no you won't unless there's an earthquake Well, it'll sound like an earthquake when you let one of these fucking farts rip after a big old bowl of magic spoon, folks.

It gets all of the bad stuff out of you.

It gets the gases and the chemicals.

It'll just be flushed from your system.

Normal, healthy farts.

Yes.

That's what we're looking for.

We're trying to get you away from where you are now.

And that's with Magic Spoon.

So go.

All right.

So go.

Go.

Walk out the door.

Just turn around now.

You're not welcome anymore.

Go to magic spoon.com/slash jim

and you can get a custom bundle of cereal and try the magic for yourself.

You will think that David Copperfield has woven his magic wand over your anal orifice and blessed you.

Stop it.

What are you doing?

Because you'll feel good.

Does he have a magic wand?

He David Copperfield, he's a magician.

Yeah, but he uses his hands and then not the Dickens character, but the magician.

Is he a magician or an illusionist?

Because there's a difference.

Well, sometimes he can be a pantomimist

or a flautist you know if you don't like this magic spoon for any reason they will refund your money no questions asked i'll tell they're better people than me i'd be asking a lot of questions i'd crack down there are some parameters you have to follow you have to submit a financial statement proving that you need the money nope that doesn't have to happen and and also send in your last three months uh bank records and your last two years income tax returns but keep on to yourself once they evaluate your financial profile, they won't be doing that.

So remember, magic spoon.com/slash Jim,

use the code Jim to save $5 off at checkout for the custom bundle of any of these wonderful flavors.

And it even makes the bathroom smell good afterwards.

Every time you take a poop in the morning, your whole bathroom will smell like cookies and cream, cinnamon roll, or maple waffle.

We cannot promise that, and Magic Spoon doesn't promise that.

And if you have midnight snacks, your whole bedroom will smell like honey nut.

Magicspoon.com/slash Jim.

Use the code Jim to save $5.

Thank you, Magic Spoon, for

the time you've spent with us.

It was a good run.

Well, Jim, I can't speak about Kanye West or whether or not he's mentally ill, but I can tell you after this segment and after the last few days I had, I could really, right now, use a nap.

If only I had here in my office right now my healing sleep mattress.

Well, you know, you could order one and have it delivered to your office door in a box that you could carry even in your COVID-riddled condition.

And you could just open that box and watch it come to life right there in the floor and just lay down and do the show.

That's what you could do.

It's a great idea.

And you know they're quick.

Boom, boom, it's delivered straight to your door.

And post-haste, I would say, after you order the thing, that's what you, because that way, you know, that's probably what's going on with these Kanye Wests and these Pete Davidsons.

You don't want to let that happen to you.

Pete Davidson didn't do anything wrong.

Let's just clarify.

He was just living.

He's just a disheveled, drug-addled bum.

Will you stop it?

He's not drug-addled.

But here's the thing.

Didn't he on all kinds of drugs?

I've seen him on some kind of of shows talking about being on all kinds of them drugs.

But that's not drug-addled if you're taking medicine.

He's probably shooting up the marijuana pills.

Oh, my God.

But I'll tell you what, here's the thing, folks.

If you don't get a good night's sleep, then you're going to end up looking like Kanye West or Pete Davidson.

But you won't be a star on Saturday Night Live, and you won't be a big music star, and you won't have a ton of money, and you won't have a 10-inch appendage.

You'll just look like disheveled bums wandering Central Park because they haven't got a good night's sleep.

Do you want that to happen to you, Brian?

Do you want that to happen to you?

No.

Well, if you don't, get with the program.

The way you're going to get the best night's sleep is with the Helix Sleep mattresses.

We've been talking about them forever.

And if you haven't still made available the opportunity to yourself to get these things, well, you're just plum loco is what you are.

Now, look at what they give.

Not only do they have tons of different mattresses, 14 unique mattresses including luxury models they got mattresses for big and tall sleepers if you're seven feet tall or 600 pounds well god bless you you're going to need to do something you're not going to live a long life but you can sleep on a good mattress while you're around now you say maybe you want a you want a mattress but you're not sure about buying one that you haven't slept on because you know sometimes you go to these mattress stores right and they have overeager sales associates.

They're asking you probing questions about what kind of positions you like.

That happens to me all the time.

There's nothing worse than that, except last time I went to buy a mattress in a store, Brian, the guy said, well, take a nap on it.

See if you like it.

I said, okay.

Well, I took my shoes off first, but I curled up.

I'd been asleep about 30 minutes.

I woke up to try to turn the light off, and there the son of a gun was laying right next to me, snoozing away with a comforter over the both of us.

I felt awkward.

You don't want, and that won't happen with Helix.

No, it will not.

No, because you do it right online.

You take the Helix sleep quiz, and it takes into account your individual sleep preferences to match you and your partner or partners.

Who are we to tell you how to live your life?

With the absolute perfect mattress and a hundred nights risk-free to try it out.

For a hundred nights, you are risk-free.

But now I have said this before, and I've been corrected by you, Brian.

I assumed if you were risk-free for 100 nights, that meant nothing bad could possibly happen to you for a hundred nights because you were completely risk-free.

But you've told me that I'm in error with that, that Helix does not guarantee that, correct?

They guarantee you'll be happy with your mattress.

But you're not completely risk-free for the whole hunt.

It's only when you're on the Helix mattress that you are risk-free and nothing bad can happen to you.

Well, no.

If you get up, if you, if you get up and go out and publish, who would want to go out in public in these uncertain times?

Nope.

But that's where you're taking your

hands.

And even if you get up and piss, you could fall down the stairs.

They're not going to cover you for that.

It's only when you're laying on this mattress that you are risk-free.

As a matter of fact,

if you buy it and keep it and don't ask for your money back, which they'll happily give you, Then depending on what you buy, you got a 10 or 15 year warranty.

That means that as long as you're laying on this helix mattress for the next 10 or 15 years, nothing could happen to you.

You're under warranty.

That's exactly not right.

What they're saying is there's no financial risk.

Like you said, they give you your money back.

There's a money-back guarantee.

That is

doctor bills.

That's a financial risk.

So if you're older, if you're like in your 60s by now, your time is running out.

What I'd do is I'd buy one of these mattresses, get the 10 or 15 year warranty and never leave this mattress.

Don't get up for any reason.

You could

fall down the stairs, whatever the fuck.

You'll get belt sores.

That's not a good idea.

You'll get belt sore.

Well, you're covered for that because you're on the Helix mattress.

That's not the way.

No, that's not the way the risk-free process worked.

There's no financial risk.

You could try it out.

Make sure you enjoy it.

And you will.

It's a fantastic mattress.

I'm going to have one delivered to my office door shortly.

And get your money back if you actually don't like it, which

you will love this mattress.

Anything that happens to you when you're on the mattress, listen, if you're on the mattress and the tornado hits,

it has nothing to do with it.

You're covered.

No, you're not covered.

Unless you have good insurance.

You'll be covered one way or another with your house or they'll find you under the mattress.

But the mattress will still be sleepable, even if you're a corpse after the tornado blows you five miles down the road.

How did this happen?

How did this happen?

Well, it's because of the unique and qualified...

manufacturers that Helix uses.

That's how it happens.

And they're all, it's American-made stuff.

You don't have to worry about any kind of foreign ingredients that could grow spores that will take over your body during the night because everything comes from the USA.

A team of skilled manufacturers works on this, and they don't let those people out until they finish.

So, because he has no

manufacturing facility,

they control the means and production.

They run everything with according to whatever local.

They run everything with an iron hand.

I'll tell you what.

And local ordinances be damned.

They're going to get this quality product out to you because they control the means and production at Helix.

With workers going home at a normal hour after a 40-hour work week.

Well, sometimes you need to support the workers, and sometimes you need to support the administration.

But Helix supports military first responders, teachers, and students by giving them a special discount on the site, which, have we mentioned, is Helix, H-E-L-I-X,

Helix Sleep.com.

That's what the website is.

And if you go to helixleep.com slash JCE,

then the fine folks there at Helix that control the means in production are offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners.

Because we don't want you people to end up like Kanye West and Pete Davidson and potentially the COVID-riddled Brian last.

Well, I do have COVID.

And your brain fog is coming in, I can tell you.

But anyway, the number one mattress pick by Wired magazine.

And

if you can sleep on something while you're wired up to a dagum, to an outlet or a machine or something like that, it's great.

It's recommended by multiple leading chiropodists.

Or is that chiropractors?

Chiropractors.

Well,

one of the chiropodists or the chiropractors,

what are they chirop?

And doctors of sleep medicine like this thing too.

Doctors of sleep medicine.

Yes, that's something I aspire to.

I wonder if, well, I probably can't say that.

They probably.

Nevertheless, if you're nervous about buying a mattress online, don't be.

Because they've got over 12,000 five-star reviews.

Helix.

We love them.

And just don't

zip anybody up in that little pouch on the side oh stop it stop it and for real actually we have a helix downstairs one of the helixes in the house is in the uh the guest quarters and we've had house guests recently and they love the helix sleep mattress

and see and those are people those are

they wouldn't have any dog in his fight because you've never met them before

there was no preconceived material and nothing was worked out ahead of time you just let some people wander in your house and said hey sleep on this mattress and tell me what you think.

That's not exactly how you do it.

They raved about it.

Did you ever find that silverware?

It was family.

I knew them.

However, they didn't.

They were all related to each other.

It's not often you find an entire homeless family.

It's not often you go 10 minutes talking about Helix Sleep mattresses.

And

well, we could, we could do an hour on helix sleep now that I think about it.

I could do eight hours every I do every night.

HelixSleep.com/slash JCE.

Anyway, I hope that Punk doesn't know any connected guys in Chicago

up there in the land of Al Capone or some of these people might be sleeping with the fishes.

What do you think, Brian?

I don't think anything about that.

Have you ever thought about sleeping with the fishes?

Nope, never once.

It's not pleasant.

I'll tell you what.

It stinks and it's slimy and it's very cold.

Well, no, the expression means you'd be dead, not that you'd actually physically sleeping with.

Occasionally, you get finned.

You get finned by them fish when you're sleeping next to them.

And that'll change your mood in a hurry.

Get finned by a fish.

But I'll tell you, folks, our friends at Helix Sleep, they'll make sure you're not sleeping with the fishes.

They will make sure, folks, that you are sleeping in a cloud of comfort, of relaxation.

You'll be floating, weightless,

unable to control your bodily functions.

You'll lose track of time and space.

Well, this is not getting, it's getting less pleasant, not more pleasant.

I don't know if you realize that.

Well, no, if you really want to relax, you know,

if you really fully relax, first thing you're going to do is fill your britches up.

But folks, again, they make, huh?

I don't know why you make me think these things, but because you do, I'm going to ask.

If you were floating in space

and somehow you could breathe, would you go to the bathroom?

Would you just let it go into space?

I wouldn't go to the bathroom.

There'd be no bathroom in space.

Would you relieve yourself?

Would you empty your bowels into space?

Well, only if I was naked.

But if I was naked, what would I be doing in space naked?

I'd have to have a space suit on because I'm in space.

Well, then you've just shit in your drawers.

But no one knows what the future holds.

Could you be naked with a hell just like a helmet with breathing apparatus on and then you could be naked as a j-bird, just letting it all hang out there like you were the day you were born.

And then because you're weightless, that means the various bodily fluids and substances would be weightless also.

So if you fired off a chocolate rocket, it would just float slowly upward, right?

I guess that would be weightless.

And there's also, of course, no weight for Helix Sleep and they're fine mattresses.

That's right.

You don't have to wait a single minute.

All you've got to do is jump on helixleep.com and take that sleep quiz.

Because folks, that's what they do.

You don't want to go to the store and get a mattress because as I've mentioned, I always have a problem.

Every time one of the salesmen tells me I can take a nap on it, 20, 30 minutes later, I wake up, son of a bitch is curled right up next to me and he's hogging the covers.

You never know what might go on there or what has gone on.

Well, I can assure you that most of the mattresses that Helix Sleep delivers, it's a first, you're going to be the first person on it.

I'd say at least 80, 90%.

100% of the time, you will be the first person on your brand new helix sleep mattress.

Well, sometimes they got the money back guarantee.

If you don't like it for any reason, even if it's just you being a fucking asshole, well, then they'll, they'll give you the money back and sell it to somebody else.

No, they will give you your money back and someone else will get a brand new Helix sleep mattress.

You mean to tell me if they give you your money back on one of these mattresses, they don't turn around and sell it to somebody else?

They just eat that whole cost?

How do they stay in business?

Apparently, nobody asked for their money back on these things.

Apparently, they're just, they're perfect as they are, and nobody asked for their money back because they'd give it to them.

And fuck, if that happened often, well, they'd be out of business.

And then a perfectly good mattress.

It's only been

slept on for 100 nights.

That's the risk-free time.

You can try it out for 100 nights.

You've only slept on it for 100 nights.

Depending on who you are, that means you've fornicated on it, what, anywhere from 2 to 50, just depending on who you are.

Why does your mind go there?

Well, what else are you going to do on a mattress besides?

It's like the hotel, you know, that ought to have the sun out.

Sleep fuck, sleep, fuck, sleep and fuck.

Because what else are you going to do?

A mattress.

You're going to sleep, you're going to fuck.

And apparently, every once in a while, you know, the kids in Kookamunga will practice wrestling moves on them, but we don't recommend that.

You could hurt your mattress.

It's such a unique idea.

It's going to be the next Marriott chain.

Marriott's Sleep and Fuck.

Marriott Sleep and Fuck.

And they'll have Helix Sleep mattresses in them, folks, because again,

everybody's unique.

Everybody is shaped differently and everybody sleeps differently.

And that's why the mattresses that Helix Sleep sells you, they're mostly shaped the same.

They don't really make the mattress shaped like you.

It's big enough for you to be on.

But it's unique in that everyone sleeps differently.

So they got different mattress models to choose from, depending on what position you'd like to sleep in and whether you like soft or hard.

A lot of people in bed, they like hard.

That's up to them.

And sometimes, you know, if you want, let's say you want to sleep standing on your head with your ass leaned up against the bedroom wall.

Now, that may be odd, but Helix will probably have a mattress for it.

You got to go to helixleep.com, take the quiz.

Takes like two minutes, and then they will recommend the best mattress they make for you, and then they send it right to your door.

And you can even carry it to wherever you want.

It's in a box.

It's amazing.

And once you cut the box open, it just kind of

doesn't spring to life.

It blossoms to life.

It's not going to put your eye out or anything

unless you, you know, don't bend over too close.

It's not going to put your eye out or anything.

Let's just stop with that.

That's a true statement.

That's a true statement.

You know, sometimes like those canned biscuits that you get, when it says press the spoon next to the seam and it just pops and it scares you to death.

And sometimes, you know, people have been killed by shrapnel from those biscuits.

Canned biscuits.

Don't you ever eat canned biscuits?

I don't even know what you're talking about.

No.

The Pillsbury canned biscuits.

The biscuits bake in the oven?

Yes, they come in a can.

You pop the can open.

It's a violent opening.

I've never heard anyone.

They're under pressure.

I've never heard anyone call it the canned biscuits.

The canned biscuits.

Well, a helix mattress is under pressure.

So you got to open it again and just allow a little room.

But nevertheless, you won't feel any pressure on a helix sleep mattress because

it will send you into a medically induced coma-like sleep that you will wake up from.

Most of the time,

chances are.

It will send you into a very normal, relaxing sleep, which you will wake up from.

Yes.

The preponderance of evidence indicates that most of you will wake up feeling refreshed.

But you don't want to take my word for it.

They've been awarded the number one mattress pick by GQ and Wired Magazine.

I didn't know that GQ and Wired Magazine joined forces.

No, I mean,

they're two separate entities.

Is that for cocaine addicts that dress well, GQ and Wired?

I don't know if the cokeheads read GQ anymore.

It's even recommended, folks, by multiple leading chiropodists and doctors of sleep medicine.

Chiropractors.

Chiropractors.

One of those medical professions.

And once again, a guarantee risk-free and a 10 to 15-year warranty.

So you got that.

I don't know if it's transferable.

If you're over 60.

Well, a 10 or 15 year warranty might not be a big deal for you because you know you're probably not going to see most of that.

But if you're a young person, this could be a big deal.

So, again, right now,

Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners.

That's right.

When you're sleeping with the fishes, you don't want to put your head on something hard.

You want to have a nice pillow there just for the halibut.

Go to helixleep.com/slash JCE, up to $200 off mattress orders and two free pillows.

With Helix.

Better sleep starts now.

And the rest of your life starts tomorrow.

And a journey starts with but a single step.

And start me up, start me up.

You better start me up.

Well, it is your show.

You start yourself up.

I couldn't remember the rest.

What was the next line?

If you start me up, you start me up.

I'll never stop.

That's what it is.

I guess there is because it doesn't make sense it's for all the lonesome people it just doesn't fit

lonely does fly off the tongue better that's right well perhaps if you're oh and by the way speaking of my tongue no let's not john fell in baltimore uh i'll tell you what he did the best thing for mine and stacy's tongues both because that was saturday night dinner i mentioned by the way at brendan's But Halloween night, we were right here in the castle, and I cooked the big old ribeyes, and we had some GM crab cakes that John Fell sent us, which he does each year as a habit to celebrate our anniversary.

And they are the that's the only thing at Brendan's that wasn't the best that I've ever had because GM crab cakes are the best crab cakes I've ever had.

I've been to Baltimore, I've had crabs, I've done it all, and these are the best crab cakes.

And they come and they come, and you just put them in the oven, boom, and they're delicious, tremendous.

So we had two big dinners.

Thank you, John Fell.

All right, now I'm done.

Well, I was going to say, perhaps if you're lonely, one of the reasons is you're very hairy.

There is something you can do about that.

And I'm not talking about John Fell.

You know, well, and I have no knowledge of whatever John does in the privacy of his own home or his crotch.

to do with that would be between him and his lovely wife who is equally assigned an NDA on that very subject and is not allowed to comment, even though they asked her in the course of the investigation, John Fell's wife could not comment on his grooming.

However, in Baltimore.

In Baltimore, after that fucking rotten transition, folks, we should say that Thanksgiving is coming up.

It's close.

It's almost here.

And boy, you're going to be thankful.

Because this holiday season, no longer will you be trimming your balls with howls of golly

because you're not you're not going to be oh now see that's not even in the coffee and that's why it popped you because

you are not going to be nicking yourself and cutting yourself and slicing arteries and bleeding out all over your mother-in-law's you know fine carpet in her bathroom or wherever the case it may be where you're trying to chop all those weeds off your crotch and you make a mistake.

That's not going to happen this year.

You know, bleeding bleeding to death is the number one way that most people screw up holiday parties at their in-laws' house.

Were you aware of that?

I'm not aware of that.

Are you aware of that?

Is that an actual proven statistic?

Are you aware of that?

That's a statistic that I just verbalized right here, and I don't know what the fuck else I've got to do.

But I'll tell you what, if you're wanting to trim your pumpkins and make sure your turkey and its stuffing are looking like dessert and smelling like Thanksgiving dinner, you got to have the Manscaped Performance Package 4.0 this time of year, don't you?

I say, do you?

I would think so.

I guess so.

I would say you do.

You certainly do.

If your holiday spreads good now, imagine what it's going to look like when you've got it all cleaned up.

Spread this.

Spread this, son of a gun.

Performance package 4.0

has the lawnmower 4.0 trimmer, the weed whacker ear and nose hair trimmer, the crop or the cop preserver.

If you're crock, you need preserving.

The crop preserver ball deodorant, you just roll this on your balls, and your balls will roll around there smooth and

not smelling stinky.

The crop reviver toner, the performance boxer briefs, a travel bag to hold all your goodies.

I'm talking about the performance package 4.0.

Now you already have a bag to hold your other goodies, but it's a literally a cornucopia of your gonad supplies down there and you know the lawnmower 4.0 has that cutting edge ceramic blade but that's the only time we're going to use the word cut in this thing because it's cutting edge technology that won't cut your edges or even your wrinkles or sags or droops or folds or whatever the fuck else you got down there that's what the problem is when you're going in there with one of landon's riding mowers and trying to navigate those close turns around your mulch beds, that's where these things sometimes go sideways.

And the aforementioned statistic about bleeding to death, ruining your in-law's holiday party comes into play.

But with the performance package 4.0 and also the weed whacker, you can stick this thing up your nose, in your ear, down your throat.

I don't know if you've got

well, if you've got hair in your throat, chances are you need to.

See a doctor, but you could use this in your nose and your ears.

That part is correct.

That is correct.

Well, see a doctor if it's your own hair.

If it's somebody else's hair, just quit being nasty.

And folks, again,

you can take a shower

with

the Manscaped refined body wash and the brand new signature body buffer.

Yeah.

That's the lost buffer cousin.

There was Michael, there was

Bruce, and now body.

Body was

body buffer.

Yes.

Body buffer.

And he'll say, it's, let's get ready to manscape.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

That's a trademark catchphrase.

You can't use that.

We'll get in trouble.

I can't.

Well, and let's not get ready to manscape.

No, no, we want to talk about manscaping again.

They are.

Get ready to get sued.

Folks, you can give yourself the lather and rinse that your body deserves and then potentially repeat if you are so inclined.

Lose the loofah and exfoliate your mates down there in the jungle, down in the jungle room.

Well, we're walking in Manscaped.

We're walking with our crotch hair on the floor.

Folks, you can get 20% off in free shipping.

with the code drive, D-R-I-V-E at manscaped.com.

That's 20% off in free shipping at manscaped.com.

When you use the code DRIVE, be thankful this holiday season for the best gift of all from Manscaped.

That is, if you clean yourself up enough and you don't stink too bad, you don't have hair all over everywhere, you might actually get laid without having to pay for it.

And I know everybody gives thanks for that.

Manscaped.com.

Well, it's certainly no prize to watch Raw.

However,

transition time, ladies and gentlemen.

As you hear the sound of a power drill in the background, Brian Last is going to drill in and zero in on his next subject.

Perhaps on another Monday Night Raw, the World Series won't be rained out.

And you'll be able to watch that game and wonder, I wonder who will hit more home runs tonight.

Or better put,

how many home runs will Player X hit tonight?

Or better put,

well, I wonder, wonder, oo bado ho,

who's going to win prize picks?

You want your daily fantasy.

You want to make your entries.

You want to make your player projections and select more or less.

Well, I wonder, wonder, oo bado ho, who's going to get rich on prize picks?

You know, you can win a lot of money at this horseshit.

And I'll bring this up, folks.

Now, safe, what's the matter matter with you?

No, we're talking dollars here.

We're talking De Niro, big bucks.

We're talking cashiola, cash-ish, even.

You can win this stuff.

They even give you some.

If you give them some, they'll give you some.

It's like my favorite number, not 69, 68.

Give me one, I'll owe you one.

That's what Nikolai Volkov used to say.

It never made sense when you broke it down, but it was funny the way he delivered it, what with his accent and everything.

However, let's say that you want to win some money and you know something about sports and you want to play not against other people,

but against the projections.

Because you've heard about these things.

They've been on the news.

Now

there's projections of people.

I guess they call them holograms.

And you can play against these holograms of people.

Now, you don't want to play against, I don't know, Bear Bryant or George Steinbrenner or some expert, but if you just find a projection or a hologram or whatever they call it of just some random nit width that doesn't know anything about sports, you could probably win.

Have you seen these projections?

They look lifelike.

I mean, I've seen projections from prize picks, and of course, I've seen holograms.

I don't know.

I'm not exactly sure what you're saying, to be quite honest.

Oh, wait, well,

it's playing you versus the projections on prize picks.

I thought that meant that they actually projected into your house an opponent for you.

What are the projections on prize picks?

Well, they have a projection for a certain game or a sort, I can't even talk,

or a certain athlete, or what they'll do that day.

Let's say it's one of the greats on the Mets when baseball season was happening before the playoffs ended for the Mets.

And you could say, I think this player, Starling Marte, is going to steal three bases today.

And then prize picks may say, you're crazy.

We project two stolen bases.

Why do you have me explaining this?

Why don't you explain it?

Well, the important thing is somebody going to call the cops.

This guy's running around stealing shit right and left.

Somebody needs to bring him to justice.

Well, they've given us some copy here.

For example,

you can say, hey, tonight I'm taking Patrick Mahomes to throw for more than 320 passing yards, Derrick Henry to rush for less than 85 yards, Cooper Cup to score more than 0.5 touchdown.

Now, how can you do it?

Have they changed the rules of football?

Do they credit you sometimes for half a touchdown?

I thought if you made a touchdown, it was pretty much all or nothing, kind of like being pregnant.

But if

Cooper's Cup or Scup, if Cooper's Cup scores more than 0.5 touchdowns, you could win some money.

See, that's how it works.

That's what's going on.

I understand now.

You just, you pick two to five players, and if they score more or less, or do more or less, or win more or less, or lose more or less, well, you more or less win.

You can win up to 10 times your money on any entry.

And Prize Picks offers projections on any sport you watch: NFL, NBA, MLB, NHL, PGA, college football, men's college basketball, women's college basketball, soccer, WNBA, esports, NASCAR, tennis, MMA boxing, disc golf, Euro basketball, cricket, cockfighting, and many more.

No cockfighting.

They scratched that one out.

They must have discontinued that.

You can make entries in 60 seconds or less.

It's that easy.

And as you have heard by Brian's succinct explanation, it's very easy to understand.

You can make safe and fast withdrawals.

And it's even easier to make deposits.

And they're currently operational, which apparently means legal, in over 30 states in Canada, but they're growing.

You know, we got 20 states that are just lagging behind.

And right now, folks, download the PrizePicks app or go to prizepicks.com.

That's prize as in prize, picks as in P-I-C-K-S, prizepicks.com to sign up and play now.

First time users, get a 100% instant deposit match up to $100 with the promo code JCE.

If you put in 100,

picks will give you 100.

If you deposit 50, they'll give you 50.

If you try to take out something without depositing something first, they'll call the law on your ass.

And don't forget to enter promo code JCE at sign up for an instant deposit match of up to $100 and figure out whether Tyreek Hill is going to catch less than three and a half passes.

If you catch a half a pass, doesn't that mean you drop the other half?

Still, if you want a wrestling match that you couldn't rely on furniture and big budget and,

you know, ridiculous run-ins, fall draws, smoke and mirrors, whatever the case,

SmackDown had two of them, Ricochet and L.A.

Knight, which got L.A.

Knight over to move him on further, and Gunther and Mysterio, that was a heck of a TV main event, and they didn't use any furniture or insult anybody's intelligence.

but that was smackdown

it certainly was and some people

i don't know where i was going with that

speaking of insulting your intelligence let's transition ladies and gentlemen and talk about some of the things

to insulting your looks to some of the things that some of the wrestlers may have had to do before they went to saudi arabia

well there's a variety of

things that you could consider in that case and i'll just pick one at random you you know, because I'll tell you, folks, it's the holiday season is coming up.

It's never too early to start thinking about gifts.

If you've got a man in your life, and apparently most of our listeners are men, we found a few stray women in the wild out there, but most of our listeners are quite male.

Didn't we score recently as the number one podcast to attract a male audience over 18?

That's right.

And only because some of the teenagers and young folks ain't admitting that they listen to us, or we'd probably get, you know, the six and up.

Just put them, set them right down, listen to the program.

But no bad idea.

No, no, no.

Well, you know what?

You've got kids.

They don't listen to the program.

You know what goes on.

But anyway, they're watching Peppa Pig.

They're not listening to this crap.

Watching Peppa.

Well,

I'll tell you, I'm thinking about salt and Peppa in them.

Pepper Pig.

Peppa, not Peppa Pig.

It's

Peppi Pig?

Peppa.

It's never too early to start thinking about gifts for the holidays, whether it's for a friend or the friends in your pants, ladies and gentlemen.

I'm telling you what, this season, you can certainly check my balls with howls of golly because you can do your little drummer boy a favor and use the Lawnmower 4.0 to avoid another silent night in the bedroom.

You can add in manscapes, top-of-the-line shower products to have the people thinking, all I want for Christmas is you.

Santa cares about his sack, and so should you, ladies and gentlemen.

Well, I'm not even making this up.

This is the copy they send us.

Folks, the Manscape Platinum Package 4.0 is the one-stop shop for the man who deserves it all and who already has some of it.

It's got everything you need to help you deck the halls from your face to your balls just in time to be able to wear a mistletoe belt buckle for Christmas.

For example, the Platinum Package, it's got everything the performance package has, plus the ultra-premium body wash, the two-in-one shampoo and conditioner.

It's the ultra-premium deodorant.

They got all that.

It's the best way to smell fresh from your Santa hat to your candy cane.

And it also obviously has the Lawnmower 4.0 body trimmer.

There's the LED light on it so you can light the way like Rudolph.

If you have a reindeer schnaz in your crotch,

must be involved in some type of animal husbandry.

I don't know.

No, no.

Also, the weed whacker nose and ear hair trimmer to protect your delicates.

And both of them are waterproof so you can clear the snow out of your driveway.

And after you groom your candy cane, make sure you don't smell like a reindeer, folks.

From the hoofs to the anus with the platinum packages shower products, they're sulfate-free, vegan.

They're made to have your skin feeling hydrated.

That too.

And smelling fresh.

And they've got the crop preserver ball deodorant, the crop reviver ball toner.

They solve the stank problems.

Once they touch your sack, you'll never go back.

And then you can hang up the stockings with glee on the...

fireplace there and you never know what kind of toys or gifts will be stuffed down in those

and

for the perfect stocking stuffer, you can add in the brand new body buffer.

It's an incredible body scrubber that makes exfoliating easy.

And I took it out and used it on the fence row.

And boy, I got all the weeds and all the overgrowth off of that.

The brand new body buffer.

Folks, all you got to do is go to manscape.com and you'll get 20% off and free shipping with the code DRIVE.

D-R-I-V-E Manscaped.com, 20% off and free shipping for the Manscaped Platinum Package 4.0 or anything else they have on their fine website, which I encourage you to check out.

I mean, they've got a rotorouter thing you can clean the inside of your colon out, and they've got shit you can, you can just you can do a variety of maintenance.

There's a variety of things that you could actually do.

I don't know what rotor router product you're talking about, but they don't have that.

Well, I thought that's where I got that off of Manscaped.com.

Maybe it was something else.

Maybe it was.

What other site?

It was the site I got the Ditilator Mach 3 off of, but I assumed it was for cleaning the interior because of the ripples and the way it was shaped.

And then it's got the crank.

When you turn it, it starts spinning and vibrating at the same time.

I assumed that was like one of those rotor router things for the drains and gets clogs out.

Manscaped.com, 20% off and free shipping.

Anything anything on the site.

Of course, there's nothing that will protrude into any of your orifices, apparently, on that site.

So you'll have to go elsewhere for that.

Use the code drive.

So, no, I'm not

surprised that Mick is suffering effects from this, and I hope they're as minimal as possible.

And he's known it was going to happen, but I think even he said if he'd have known all that was going to happen, maybe he would have

rethought some things.

Well, Jim, perhaps a young wrestler looks back and sees some of the things that were done, some of the damage that was done to the industry, and wants to look back on some of the wrestlers who did some of these things that led us down this road, and they want to sue.

Well, in that case, they shouldn't call our friend because they wouldn't have a case.

But if you have a case, ladies and gentlemen, and I'm not talking about a case of contagious airborne diseases.

I'm talking about a legal case.

If someone has terminated you without reason, if someone has infringed upon your rights, if someone has harmed or damaged you or a member of your family or immediate social circle, then we know the guy that you got to call.

Call Stephen P.

News,

news, to the news, to be new,

news, to the new.

If you need

to

an outlawmod show or two

still to the rest.

And you know what?

He doesn't care whether you're a little guy or a big guy.

If you've got a case and you've got right on your side, he will fight for you.

And he doesn't care if you're a little guy or a big guy.

If you're on the wrong side,

he's taking down the dagum governor of West Virginia, old Governor Justice over there.

We heard, we talked about the state of emergency that the governor declared in West Virginia because Stephen P.

New,

on behalf of all the inmates at all the substandard jails and facilities in West Virginia, has filed a suit on their behalf.

And it got the governor up in arms.

And he can do the same thing for you.

And by the way, If all things go right, we won't need Manchin anymore.

That Democrat in name only.

maybe the next thing that Stephen can do is file a class action suit against Manchin for being a wolf in sheep's clothing and just imitating a Democrat.

But nevertheless, as I mentioned, if you've been terminated or someone's just tried to kill you through negligence or avaricious greed, if they have poisoned your water or your air or even your food, if somebody's been slipping you a Mickey,

you got to call Stephen P.

New at newlawoffice.com, 888-692-8084.

This man,

as we've mentioned so many times on the program, he can take the hold of your hand and he can lead you through the shark-infested legal waters of the American jurisprudence system and he can deliver you safely to the other side where that side is labeled prosperity.

Because that's another thing Stephen P.

New does.

He gets his clients paid.

You're going to to get paid one way or the other, even if he has to rough somebody up.

That's the lengths that Stephen P.

New will go to for his clients.

No, every once in a while, he's got to go out back behind the courthouse, and he's got to take one of those opposing counsels, and he's got to grab them up by the necktie.

No, he does not.

He's got to slap them back and forth, paintbrush them around the head and face.

and tell them to modify their behavior.

That's what he does.

Stephen P.

New is an officer of the court, and he would never do anything of the sort.

However, that's why he takes them around back in the alley, and he doesn't do it in the court.

He will metaphorically do that to them in court.

And then he'll

back and forth

to them back in the alleyway.

He will leave the other lawyers alone in the back alley, and he will kick their ass in court.

Well,

I'm telling you, if you want a lawyer that'll go up to somebody else's lawyer in a back alley and take care of business, call Stephen P.

New at newlawoffice.com, 888-692-8084.

Hey, you want an attorney that spends a lot of his time in back alleys.

That's where they find out all the good information.

Where do you think Paul Drake used to hang around when he was inspectifying for Perry Mason?

He was the inspector.

He wasn't the lawyer.

He hung around in floozy areas and dive bars and back in the alleys.

That's where you get all the good information.

Perry Mason had his own kind of bars that he was going to, but again, he was the lawyer.

That was the investigator.

Stephen P.

New is the lawyer.

He doesn't need to do the investigation himself.

Well, Stephen is a Renaissance man.

He does a little bit of everything.

He'll check things out, then he'll prosecute it in court.

And if things don't go the right way in court and the opposing counsel, or potentially even the judge, doesn't exhibit the right amount of good behavior and manners, then they got to go home sometime.

And Stephen P.

New will cross their path on the way home.

The Renaissance man, Stephen P.

New.

Boom.

He'll pop him right in the eye socket.

He'll close what's open open and open what's closed on their face.

Once again, ladies and gentlemen, Stephen P.

New will not be assaulting any other attorneys, either in a back alley or on Main Street.

Nobody will ever finger him for it.

They won't actually testify against him because you know what that'll mean.

All right, well.

Stephen P.

New, did you notice that Ortiz was looking a lot cleaner?

He's lost weight.

He's gotten better shape.

He's groomed better.

He's really, because before he was like the second coming of Pampiro Furpo, right?

He's the only guy I've ever seen that had to shave his teeth.

Well, remember, he lost his hair to Chris Jericho in that big fight.

Well, yeah, but now it's coming out and it's a little more stylish.

But still, the hair ever, I mean, he was shaving his cheekbones on a regular basis, I know.

And holy mackerel, I have never...

I've never seen a guy with hair on his eyeballs like that.

But, you know, those people are out there, Brian.

Are they really?

I have not heard this.

No.

They are out there.

I used to see some of them at the state fair when I was a kid.

You'd go in the tent.

Right next to the fat guy was the bearded lady, whatever it may be.

But now, folks, if you want to see her suit individuals covered with hair, looking like Lon Cheney Jr.

on a full moon, you don't have to go to a freak show at the state fair.

All you have to do,

if you're a female, that is, is turn over sideways and look at the lump laying next to you.

Men,

we got to do something about all the

foliage that we got.

And you know, it's Thanksgiving time, it's Christmas time, it's the holidays.

People are thinking holidays, eggnog by the fireplace, a little candid photography, perhaps, some nookie-nookie.

You never know what's going to go on on the holidays, but you don't want to look like a fucking goat or smell like one.

And that's why our friends at Manscaped are trying to make your holidays jolly days with the Platinum Package 4.0.

Folks, you can do your little drummer boy a favor and use the Lawnmower 4.0 to avoid another silent night in the bedroom.

And if you care about your sack as much as Santa cares about his, you want to make sure it's nice and slick and shining and smelling good.

The Platinum Package 4.0 has all the products from the best-selling performance package, plus the Ultra Premium Body Wash, the Ultra Premium 2 and 1 shampoo and conditioner, and the Ultra Premium deodorant.

All this stuff is not only premium, folks, it's also ultra.

And you know what happens when you become an ultra man?

Why, you can do anything.

It's the best way to smell fresh from your Santa hat to your candy cane.

Remember the Lawnmore 4.0 body trimmer with that LED light on it?

It'll look just like Rudolph's nose flying through the sky, ready to come down your chimney or whatever tunnel or orifice or

entryway, breezeway, or otherwise that you would deem pleasurable.

You got the weed whacker nose and ear hair trimmer.

You've also got the crop preserver ball deodorant and the crop revive crop reviver ball toner.

See, so they don't provide provide the crop

yes they do not provide the crop they just revive it but those things can solve your stanky problems all day long folks once they touch your sack you will never go back and for the perfect stocking stuffer the brand new body buffer that's right ladies and gentlemen the lost cousin of Michael and Bruce Buffer body buffer will come to your house and he will buff your body right there in front of your entire family.

If you go to manscaped.com right now and use the code DRIVE, you're going to get 20% off and free shipping on the Platinum Package 4.0 and the ability to have the runt of the buffer litter come to your front door and buff you off real good.

And if you don't want your kids to watch it,

well,

send them to the other room.

Why would Body Buffer be the runt of the litter?

He's the runt of the litter because Michael and Bruce, they're so much older and more established.

Body's, he's still out there going from door to door trying to buff people.

Do you remember the story about how Michael and Bruce Buffer met?

I thought they were brothers.

They say they're brothers.

I mean, I'm not doubting it, but they say they're brothers.

Apparently, the story goes, Bruce Buffer was watching Boxing On TV and saw Michael Buffer and said, that guy looks like he could be my brother.

And he got in touch and found out he was his brother.

No, you're lying.

I swear to God, that's a story, although they look nothing alike at all.

How did, well, no, I've noticed a small resemblance, but how the fuck

were they brothers and never met each other?

And now they're both big-time ring announcers.

Well, I guess now Michael Buffer isn't a big time.

Have you ever seen him in years?

I think he's retired.

I mean, he's an older guy.

Yeah.

So, how did this happen?

How did Body Buffer

Michael Michael Buffer not ever meet Bruce Buffer

until they were grown-up adult,

if they're brothers, if they're really brothers?

I like what happened after that.

And they got the same last name, so they one was not adopted or whatever the fuck.

I don't know the full in and out of the story, but that's the story.

And then at some point, they met, and Michael Buffer said, wow, you really are my brother.

Why don't you become my manager?

It's a weird story.

Don't think so.

Bruce Buffer is a better announcer than Michael Buffer.

Why was Michael Buffer the one to get all the platitudes and the allocades

for,

see, for all you 80s NWA fans?

Because

he was doing it in the 80s.

And when boxing blew up and so many of those big fights were happening, he was the ring announcer.

It was Jimmy Lennon, and then it was him.

I always thought Michael Buffer sucked pond water as an announcer.

Bruce is great.

He's got all the...

Well, mannerisms.

Michael tried to be so cool, like he was above everything.

Fuck him.

Fuck Michael Buffer.

He introduced Brett Hart as Brett the Hitman Clark.

Brett the Hitman Clark.

Yeah, he couldn't even read his cards either.

Well, speaking of body buffer, Manscaped, you were talking about.

I thought we did.

Oh, Manscaped.com.

20% off and free shipping with the code Drive.

So, folks, check your balls with howls of golly.

This year, go to Manscaped.

How does that work?

Are you supposed to look at your balls and yell yell, golly?

Well, yes, don't you?

I've had a variety of people when they saw mine went, golly.

Do you do that to yourself, though?

That's what they're saying.

Well, every once in a while, it depends on what they look like.

Do you have any advice for Michelle and her boyfriend about the internet?

Well, you know, I do, come to think of it.

Because, you know, we've been having problems with the internet.

Not only the Spectrum folks, but also just any internet service provider.

We've been talking about this, and a lot of people are picking up on this now.

You know, folks, if you're laying in bed at night in the middle of the dark, it's pitch black, you're alone in your home, you live alone, you're lonely, and you hear voices,

you really are hearing voices.

You're not crazy.

These voices are coming from inside your wall.

Oh, not this again.

No, they're not.

Well, no.

No.

Well, now we prove, because remember, I was whispering the other day.

We didn't prove anything.

We proved.

it.

The thing is, is that they're keeping an eye on you.

Just if you're laying awake right now, listening to us, you're home alone, take a hatchet, an axe, a small claw hammer.

Don't do that.

And pop a couple of holes in your wall and stick your ear in there.

You will hear people talking about you.

And I'll tell you another idea.

A bad idea.

A bad idea you will regret.

Do not do that.

I'll tell you another bad idea.

Bad idea.

You sound like a

spoil sport, a kill of Mr.

Buzzkill.

Here's something else.

Here's something else that they're doing out there.

Do you know that there's a way around

having to watch the

old WWE network on our friends, Mr.

Peacock?

You know that they still have the WWE network available for other countries.

And this is one of those hacks that the kids talk about.

Do you know if you change your country

that you can actually still access the WWE network and there ain't a dadgum thing anybody can do about it?

Were you aware of this?

I've heard some things.

I didn't see this in the copy here for ExpressVPN, but I've heard about some things.

Well, no, but they're talking about something else.

Apparently, the Netflix is the same way.

They got all kinds of shows on Netflix that are only available outside of the U.S.

because, of course, we are

a downtrodden country.

And

you basically, you don't get, if you're an American, you don't get to see all the things you could see.

But you know how you fix that?

Our friends at Express VPN.

Now, as a matter of fact, Ron Deshane alerted me to something.

You remember our friend Ron, Ron Deshane?

I remember a name, Rhonda, yes.

Well, he is actually

an Express VPN customer.

And due to their fine service, he was able to do what you wouldn't do here not long ago.

He wrote me and he said, Jim, thanks to Express VPN and their wonderful product, I was able to Google, is sheep fucking legal in Japan, with almost zero consequences.

Not a single federal agent has arrived at my house.

No sheep porn has popped up on my computer.

And aside from a few ads for sheep shears, gloves with extra grip support, and airfare to Japan, my computer is absolutely fine.

I did notice that my favorite podcast was named Sheep Shed, but I'll assume that's just a strange coincidence.

So please let Brian know that next time you ask him to Google something of that nature, all he has to do is fire up the Express VPN and Google to his heart's content, knowing that the answers to your burning questions about Japanese bestiality laws are at his fingertips.

Please let Rhonda know that by the time this show airs, we're going to alert the authorities to this sicko out there.

Well, but Jenny won't be able to find him.

What a freak.

We'll find him.

Because the people, the people, they think because of Express VPN, everybody thinks that he's living in Guadalajara or Bolivia or somewhere.

We will help the authorities find this man.

You can't.

You can't.

That's how Express VPN is working this whole scam.

We We can help.

You can't say we can't help.

No, the thing is, folks, if you want to watch the WWE network and they say it's only available in Venezuela, guess what?

Boom, you can move to Venezuela.

You want to watch Netflix and all the stuff they're hiding from us God-fearing Americans?

Boom.

You can tell them people that you live on the Isle of Malta.

What ExpressVPN does, it encrypts you.

It encrypts you.

And that's not, I thought at first that was a bad thing.

I thought that was being enclosed in a concrete mausoleum.

But apparently I was incorrect about that.

If you're encrypted, that means that your data is not easily available.

It can't just be willy-nilly spread about by these

frivolous and promiscuous ISP people that are living inside your walls.

And ExpressVPN is going to reroute you through a server location of your choice.

that means you can go anywhere in the world for free if you've ever wanted to live on a uh and the south seas of france boom

you've got to address no you no that's not how it works no

well how did do they do they pay for the transport of all your worldly possessions to wherever you want to move to or do they just send you there and you've got to drag your shit with you there is no moving you won't be moving the customer potentially won't be moving well it says you can choose from over 90 different countries

that your

internet would be based out of that you're uh

well

if you're sitting there watching your internet you got to be there along with it so i assume that they're they're taking you and your computer and potentially your most comfortable chair and they're going to send you to goddamn

Bolivia.

Well, for the record, just let the listeners know, there's no travel involved with ExpressVPN.

Well, but to get to watch the network and Netflix, anyway,

here's the best part.

It's not just for that.

You can use Express VPN to unlock shows or sports on other streaming services.

You can basically, you can hack into anything here.

The moon launch they're about to do, I bet you you can hop onto the fucking screen from NASA.

Just, as a matter of fact, put your address in, moon, and see what happens.

Look, there's a reason why ExpressVPN is the number one rated VPN provider by publishers like Tech Radar and The Verge.

I don't know what that reason is, but there's a reason, and we're going to find out sooner or later.

But right now, if you want to put something over on somebody,

and if you want to impersonate yourself living in a place that you don't, in order to get services that are not supposed to be coming to you,

well, goddamn ExpressVPN will fix you right up.

And right now, if you go to expressvpn.com slash JCE,

you're going to get three extra months of service for free.

Expressvpn.com slash JCE.

You're going to learn more.

You're going to get three extra months of service for free just because you know me.

And in three months, who knows where the hell you might be living by the time that they get finished with you?

But you'll be seeing some fine internet.

You'll be wherever you want to be because by getting finished with you, they will be leaving you alone to do whatever you want.

Wow.

Did I just blow your mind?

Are you all right over there?

By getting finished with you, they will be leaving you alone.

They'll never leave you alone.

They're going to protect you

and they're going to have you covered as long as you take advantage of their service and they're going to put you where they in their wisdom believe you need to be to be best protected.

Which would be where hello.

Well, no, sometimes I'd say you want to be somewhere and they say, no, no, it's dangerous.

Somebody might hack into your goddamn Google there and

motor your routem or whatever the fuck.

You need to be over here.

You need to be

in Iceland where we can take care of you and keep an eye on you or maybe Greenland or Scotland.

Again, I think we need to stress there's no travel involved.

You're not being promised any travel.

You will not be transported to anywhere else.

No, you're being routed through there.

Yes.

So you're going to end up somewhere.

So if you're going through there, you might stop and say hello.

Your signal.

You might take some pictures.

Only your signal.

Oh, just the signal, huh?

The signal.

You'd be right there.

I figured you'd have to go and follow it to make sure it was connected.

No, this is for people like you who don't want to travel.

Oh, well, in that case, expressvpn.com/slash JCE.

You You don't have to go anywhere and you can still put shit over on people.

Why don't Jericho take,

you know, bad lip syncing to the Olympics and try that one out?

Well, he may win the gold for that, but perhaps this is all part of his time traveling that he's been doing lately.

Maybe he's gone to the future and he's seen the way things are, but more than likely, he just needs to lay down and have a good night's sleep.

Well, more than likely, he does.

And I'll tell you what, I felt the same way.

Oh, God,

several nights this past week with my ailment and my predicament, but fortunately, at least when I was able

to lay down, to lay my weary, flu-ridden body down on my mattress at night, except for every 20 minutes or so when I had to wheel my legs over the side of the bed and double up in the fetal position while I went into a coughing fit, I was as comfortable as I could possibly be under those circumstances because I was laying my decrepit body on one of my beautiful Helix sleep mattresses.

And you can do the same thing, folks, with your flu and disease-ridden body on top of your beautiful Helix sleep mattress as soon as you get one.

And we've talked about Helix in the past so many times.

They've got 14 unique mattresses, a collection of luxury models, a mattress for big and tall people.

Big is a synonym for fat ass, apparently.

Not necessarily.

You could be big and husky.

Well, whether you're husky or just plain fat, they've got one for you.

They've even got a mattress for kids.

It's such a cute little thing, and it comes with a lollipop.

A lollipop is sticking right in there, and the kid just turns over and sucks on the built-in lollipop, goes right to sleep.

There's no lollipop.

There's no, don't listen to any of this part.

Wait a minute.

You're

I know and no.

I thought there was no lollipops.

No and no.

No lollipop.

And it's a wonderful mattress.

And we have several here in the house and we love them and the guests sleep on them here in the house.

And let's talk about how comfortable and wonderful Helix Sleep mattresses are.

You have guests?

We've had guests, yes.

Do you give them lollipops?

Well, we do have some here in the house, actually.

All right, well, would you like to?

All right, I guess you might have to have your own lollipop, folks, but nevertheless, you go to helixleep.com and you take the quiz.

It's like a two-minute thing where they match you to the mattress they make that works best for you and your sleep preferences.

How do you like to sleep on your back, on your side, face down in a stupor, whatever the case may be.

And they've got mattresses that'll cool you up or heat you up or whatever the case may be.

Boy, I wish I'd have had.

the cool down mattress when I was laying in a puddle of sweat, shivering like a street urchin in a Dickens novel the other night.

But

they, if I, you know, I may put, get one of these cool-down mattresses.

Just next time I get the flu, I'll have it in

the closet and I can just pop it out.

But anyway, that's what you do.

Take the quiz, get the mattress.

They'll send it to you.

You unbox it right in your own home.

One person can carry it to where it needs to be.

Even a person like me, I've done it before.

And then you just poof, it just poof.

It just comes to life.

And they are not only great mattresses, they come with a 10 or 15-year warranty, depending on the model.

And you get to try it for 100 nights, risk-free.

We've talked about the risk factors involved in daily life many times on these spots.

So just refer back to some of them.

They're on YouTube.

And if you don't love it, not only are they going to give you the refund, but they're going to pick it up for you too.

So

you got no risk here at all either way.

There's no reason to feel like you're in danger when you enter into this transaction.

That'll come later when the extortion begins.

There's no extortion, you can stop it.

There's no reason to believe you'll be in danger because you won't be in danger, you'll be in comfort.

Yes, in comfortable danger with helixleep.com right now.

Right now,

Helix is offering up to $200 off all of their mattress orders and two free pillows.

If you go to helixleep.com/slash slash jce helixleep.com slash jce up to $200 off all the mattresses and two free pillows.

So right now you can you'll be sleeping good for the holidays.

They got 12,000 five-star reviews.

It's somewhat mandatory.

The government of North Korea will make sure that you give them a five-star review.

That's not how it works.

They're not located in North Korea.

They just contract the government of North Korea to enforce their social media

presence.

They have nothing to do with the government in North Korea.

We could say that

they've moved south.

They're the good ones.

Alrighty, folks.

I don't even know what to say.

Well,

just say it's been awarded best mattress winner by Parents Magazine.

If you want to become a parent, get one of these mattresses.

Apparently, it does a world of good for your sex life because everybody that gets one of these things has 18 kids.

You can't get out of it.

HelixSleep.com.

Can't get out of the spot.

Was that the end?

Was that actually the end?

I thought you were still going.

That's the end.

I'm good.

All right.

Well, take it away.

This has been the drive-through, ladies and gentlemen.

You know, Brian, if I were some of these young wrestlers right now, I'd be having a lot of pictures taken.

That was a quick one to the next one.

Okay, I would too.

I would too.

Well, you know,

I'm

trying to catch up.

I'm overclimped here.

I don't read the parentheses sometimes.

So, yes, I'd have a lot of pictures taken, wouldn't you?

I certainly would.

You certainly would.

And then you could display them in your home when you're driving yourself around in a hover round that you power by blowing into a clear straw.

Or a golf cart I stole from the county.

Or a golf cart you stole from the county.

Either one of those things will work for the purpose of this particular exhibition here.

But the point is you'd have pictures of yourself in your moments of glory that you can't do anymore.

And as a matter of fact, folks, that's open anybody.

You don't even have to paralyze yourself.

You don't even have to jump off the top rope and break your own neck to be able to enjoy photos of...

treasured memories and loved ones and pets and friends and even enemies.

If you like to keep a picture of them up every once in a while, just so you can remember what you'd like to do to them in the future.

I've got a particular space like that, but nevertheless, for all of you,

and I've got a place where I put pictures of people that I just want to remember one of these days.

But nevertheless, it's the holidays, a time of love

and

joyousness and togetherness, and you want to do nice things for people.

Brian, don't you want to do some nice things for people?

I certainly do.

There are ambulances or sirens in the background.

I don't know what's going on.

Well, that's because you've done too many nice things for people, and they found out where you live.

Folks, where I'm going with this is the Skylight Frame.

They're back, our friends at Skylight Frame, one of the most popular products that we have ever promoted here on the podcast.

The Skylight Frame is not just a frame for one picture, it's a frame for any number of pictures because it's all hooked up to the wireless.

And all you have to do is take this beautiful flame.

It's a black frame, got a white mat.

It matches anything.

Black and white goes with anything.

Ebony and ivory, baby, lives together in perfect harmony.

And you can put it in your home and you can display it, but it's got a touch screen that lets you swipe through photos that have been downloaded or uploaded, or

you've sent them downstream to go up the creek without a paddle and they appear on this touchscreen on the skylight frame now you can choose from two size options now brian i don't know if you've heard about this the original 10 inch or the brand new extra large 15 inch and boy that thing will it'll do some damage boy i'll tell you it'll slide in there and it'll take up some space you can see these pictures coming a mile away

there's a hundred percent satisfaction guaranteed if you don't love your Skylight frame, they will give you a full refund.

But the cool thing is you can preload it with photos that are important to the person you're going to give it to as a gift.

And then they can just turn it on and

wham, boom goes the dynamite.

There's love, love, loves in the air.

They'll cry.

They'll hug you.

They'll whimper.

They'll thank you.

They'll grovel in front of you.

If you want to have your in-laws groveling this holiday season, it's the great thing.

Or if you get it for your own home, then you can load these things, do it yourself, or

other people can send photos to your frame if you give them the information.

I mean, you're not just going to get random, you know, dick pics off of the internet or whatever.

You've, you know, you got to be in the circle of trust.

But nevertheless, all you got to do right now is go to Skylike Frame.

That's S-K-Y-L-I-G-H-T-F-R-A-M-E dot com

and enter the promo code drive and you're going to get $15

off of your purchase of the Skylight Frame.

Whichever size, the 10-inch or the all-new extra large 15-inch.

SkylightFrame.com promo code drive, you get $15 off.

You'll make your family happy, make your friends happy, make your neighbors jealous.

All you got to do, skylightframe.com promo code drive.

It's as simple as that.

You have one in your home, Brian.

I have two in my home.

You have two in your home.

That's right, because you got such a big home.

You have one at each end.

That way people don't have to walk so far to look at it that they need some kind of assistance or oxygen.

You could even have two in a home if it's a small home and you just want to display pictures of your loved ones or pictures of things you care about in various places.

Yeah, or if you're egotistical, you can just have one in every room and have all a bunch of pictures of yourself.

And by the way, the sirens were the fire trucks driving by.

Apparently, Santa Claus needed a ride, and he's on the back of the fire truck waving to the kids on this street.

Oh, no.

Well, I'm sorry to report, ladies and gentlemen, news just breaking from Brian last.

Santa's workshop has burned to the ground.

Santa's a refugee.

That's not what I said.

That's Christmas is canceled.

You're not getting any fucking toys.

As a matter of fact, did Santa have any visible burn injuries?

Second degree, third degree?

No, he was holding up a cornet action figure.

Oh, good.

He saved the most important stuff.

But yes, I have two skylight frames in my home, if that was the question.

Well, no, the question was, was Santa Claus going to need skin grafts?

That wasn't the question.

But remember, kids, Christmas is canceled.

Santa is in intensive care in the burn unit.

You're a big fan of the Cincinnati Reds and you'd like to see pictures of the big red machine, Johnny Bench, Pete Rose, Joe Morgan, George Foster, all the rest.

Or perhaps you're a fan of racist dogs like Shotzi.

Whatever it is, we know where you can house these pictures in a fun way that the whole family can enjoy.

And that's with our friends at Skylight Frame.

We know where you can put those pictures.

I'll tell you what.

You know, by the way, the big red machine was what they called the Cincinnati Reds, and the Big Red Machine Kane gave Pete Rose a tombstone.

See how these weird, wild, wacky, wonderful things happen in this world?

And you always want to remember them.

And that's why you take pictures and you put pictures up in your house and you look at the pictures to remember the thing that you did when you took the picture of it.

And that's the way you can do it now with space age modern technology, folks.

and our friends at Skylight Frames.

What have we said about this?

It's an old favorite of many of the listeners, and they're back because it's the holiday season.

Perfect time to remember your family or to put pictures up of people that you want to be on the lookout for.

If you see this person, call the authorities, whatever you want to use this thing for.

The skylight frame is a beautiful picture frame, not just for one frame, ladies and gentlemen, or not one picture, but for many pictures.

Because it's the modern technology.

It's connected to the wireless network.

And you can email

an app

to people for this thing.

And all you people know how to use the apps and the emails.

It's a black and white or black frame, a white mat, matches anything.

Black and white goes with anything.

Just look at the piano.

And you've got two size options to choose from: either the original big 10-inch or the brand new extra-large 15-inch.

That's if you want to have pictures larger than 10 inches, they'll fit in the 15-inch.

And you know why they'll fit?

Because you'll be able to load them there.

Well, you just, what?

What?

The pictures will fit in either frame.

They're digital pictures.

It's a wonderful digital frame.

Yeah, but they'll fit better in the 15-inch because they'll be bigger.

Well, no, they'll fit perfectly in both, not better in one or the other.

Well, bigger's always better.

Haven't you heard that?

Size matters.

If I were you people, I'd get the big 15-inch one instead of the original 10-inch.

That's just me.

But nevertheless.

it's how you use it.

You can, it's exactly, it's how you use it.

It's where you hang it.

And if you're hung right, everything else falls into place.

So

what you do is you take this now, Matthew, I'm trying to tell you, you take this frame and you load pictures on it.

You get on the wireless network, you connect to the app.

You do, and you email pictures to this skylight frame, and they pop up in seconds.

And you can do the slideshow where just picture after picture goes by.

So it's sort of like identifying mug shots in the police station.

You just flip through it until you've seen every criminal that you know.

It's like seeing pictures of your family.

You shouldn't really necessarily associate this with criminals.

Hey, who are you to call these people's family criminals?

I'm not.

I'm saying they're not criminal.

You're saying well, you said they were your family.

Who would put criminal pictures of criminals in their house?

Detectives.

They would put pictures of criminals in their house so they're constantly reminded of them?

Practice.

Practice what?

Practice detecting.

Anyway.

And the other people can do this also, not strangers at random, although that would be cool.

You know what?

Go and write down your code and your app on a bathroom wall and say, send me pictures and see what you get.

Bad idea.

I bet it'd be entertaining.

Don't do that.

Don't do that.

All right, don't do that.

Just kids.

You can do that, but everyone else, don't do that.

Kids, go ahead and do that without asking your parents' permission.

But anyway, and other people can send them as well.

Like I said, if you want to say, hey, hey, Grandma Susie, you need to send a picture of you back in the old days on the beach in a string bikini to little Oshkosh over here.

He's never seen you before.

Whatever the case may be, family members can contribute to this thing.

Whoever's got possession of it.

You can just, you can send pictures willy-nilly to the, it's amazing.

It's absolutely amazing.

Technology in action.

And the kids will love it.

It moves and lights up and

does the whole thing.

There's movement and light.

So all the cats will love it.

The dogs will love it.

The kids will love it.

Your husband might get sick of it after a while, but nevertheless,

pictures of loved ones on the Skylight frame.

And right now,

if you go to Skylight, that's S-K-Y-L-I-G-H-T, skylightframe.com,

and enter the code DRIVE, D-R-I-V-E,

you're going to get $15

off your purchase of a Skylight frame.

$15 off one of these things.

They're practically giving it away.

SkylightFrame.com, promo code DRIVE

for $15 off the purchase of a Skylight frame to make everybody in the family and your friends happy.

Give some to your neighbors.

Give one to your neighbor and put a nice picture of your family and they'll stick it on the shelf.

And then, if your neighbor ever pisses you off, is a bad neighbor, doesn't keep their yard up, blows their leaves over on yours, then you can send a picture of your dick and just say, fuck you, to your neighbor.

There's no need for any of that, but give it to people you care about, people you love, and of course, get one for yourself, Skylight Frame.

Or a picture of your ass

with if you take

bend over, pull your pants down, and write

kiss on one cheek and my on the other cheek take a picture of it and send it to your neighbor's skylight frame

you know boring old farts I guess would be better than being bloated because you could be boring but still be in good health but if you're bloated

well then your your health is is being called into question so the skinny old farts are not part of the problem

skinny old farts are not part of the problem like me because now I'm a formerly does she know you've lost weight that's my next question yeah I'm a formerly bloated old fart, but now I'm a skinny old fart, so I'm not part of the problem.

Well, Jim, you may not be part of the problem, but maybe you could be part of the solution.

And maybe you need to just chill out a little bit.

And we have a new sponsor we could tell the listeners about to help a Jim Cornette or anyone out there chill out a little bit.

Well, that's right.

And when I first heard about this new sponsor, I thought, oh, great, we've got a weekly horror movie creature feature coming up that we're going to be plugging.

But no, it's Sunday Scaries,

but that is not

a competitor program to Sphinguli.

Sunday Scaries is a brand new line of CBD gummies that were made to defeat the crap that life will throw at you.

And

I didn't really understand until I got the material.

I want to run some of this by you, Brian, because you may not understand Sunday scaries.

Well, Sunday scaries are apparently the horrible feeling that you get in the pit of your stomach, the oh shit moment, the stressful, the nervous, the can't sleep moment that hit you on Sunday evenings when you think about going to work or to school or just rejoining life on Monday morning.

A lot of people feel that way.

They don't want to go back to the grind and they get nervous, they get tense,

they get all strung out and worried, and that's the Sunday scaries.

But now there's a way to combat these Sunday scaries and of course life being scary in general because it can happen Sunday night, Monday night, two, any day with a Y in it and twice on Sunday sometimes.

They have some examples here.

Life is scary when you quit your job and literally nobody noticed.

Has that ever happened to you?

It has not.

It didn't happen to me either, but I'd bet it'd be scary.

I make sure people notice.

As a matter of fact, most of the time

people write about it in the newspaper when I leave somewhere.

Now, here's another example.

We've all been through this.

Life is scary.

When you realize you're stuck in the middle seat on an airplane between two guys waiting for seat belt extensions.

Now, that's happened to me.

It was on the same flight where Cowboy Lang was on the flight and they wouldn't charge him half price.

Nevertheless, here's another example.

Life is scary when you accidentally screen shared your Slack page with you trash-talking your boss.

Here's another one.

Yeah.

Life is scary when you accidentally screen share your resume on job boards during a Zoom business call.

Is there a dictionary of terms, synonyms, antonyms, a translation guide?

They're using the modern language.

Life is scary when you wake up and realize you texted your ex a you up text.

Now see, I'd do that.

If I'd broken up with somebody, I'd want to wake them up in the middle of the night and ruin their sleep.

Life is scary when your punishment for coming in dead last on your fantasy football team is to wear a skirt during your next golf round.

Now, that happens to everybody.

Every time I play golf after coming in dead last on my fantasy football team, I wear a dress.

I could throw some in.

Life is scary.

When you're sitting at the La Quinta Motor Inn at the Tulsa airport, knowing that you have to go to the assembly center where at least seven full-grown adults are going to pull a knife on you and or try to hit you over the head with a blunt instrument or a brick.

I wish we'd have had the Sunday scary CBDs back in the Mid-South wrestling days.

There are the perfect CBD gummies for professionals on the grind, super moms, students, party animals, regretful drunk sexters, and everyone in between.

So basically,

it appears that they're selling this product based on the fact that they have a good indication, a reason to believe that you're going to fuck up your life and do something stupid and stress yourself out about it.

And that's why they have made these deliciously cute, vitamin-boosted CBD gummies that will chill you out.

They will shut off your brain.

As a matter of fact, you eat a couple of these gummies, they will be able to hook you up to the finest machine at the Mayo Clinic.

You will have no brain function whatsoever.

Don't say, don't, what do you say?

It's going to

say, it's not going to do any of that.

No, no, no.

You're going to be fine.

Wow.

I don't even know how to repair this.

It's going to put you in a state of bliss.

Yeah.

You just won't.

You won't care about what's going on around you.

You won't care when they call in your closest family members and ask how they want to dispose of your body.

That's not what's going to happen here.

You're going to have voice.

You will sit there and you will giggle when you are hooked up to that plug in the wall and cousin Bertha that always wanted your vacation home, she's the one to snatch that plug out of the wall.

You won't care because Sunday scary CBD gummies are going to help you decompress and clear your mind and fall asleep better if you're a horrible sleeper.

You won't be staring at the ceiling and worrying.

No, your eyes will be closed and you won't even know the outside world exists

until some electroshock therapy is applied to you to wake you up on Monday morning ready to start the work week with a smile.

So, whether you need to take the edge off, folks, whether you need to calm your racing mind, sleep better, just chill out, just sit on the couch and veg out,

play video games, or whatever the

young kids do these days, you take two of these CBD gummies every day to keep the scaries away.

And right now, you can go to Sunday, that's spelled Sunday like the day, not the dessert, S-U-N-D-A-Y scaries, S-C-A-R-I-E-S, Sundyscaries.com,

and use my promo code JCE.

I'm the king of relaxation.

Everybody knows I haven't spent a day in my life being high-strung.

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Originally,

I thought that said Sunday Scabies.

That's not what it says.

No.

That is not what it says at all.

I just, I need to go to the eye doctor.

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Folks, what a long, strange trip it's going to be.

Let us know.

Take a couple of these and then let us know what happens.

It's way, they're great for dealing with crying babies on planes, Zoom fatigue.

Podcasting, I'm taking some right now.

Are you taking some right now?

This unicorn jerky.

Yeah, this is actually pretty good.

Oh, the unicorn jerky.

That's right.

I had the horn.

The funniest joke that Pete Holmes guy ever had, he goes, unicorn, shouldn't it be uni-horn?

So that's the funniest one he ever had, right?

That was pretty good when he did it.

He had a better audience.

He had a better audience, too.

Life is scary.

Are you on this right now?

When you wake up and realize you've hit the snooze button 16 times,

take a gummy.

Life is scary when it's your first date and you need to fart.

I got to be honest with you.

I always wanted to get that over with right at the top of the program.

Because if they could get past that first initial fart,

I knew that, well, yeah, they need to get with the program.

You're going to be around me.

You're going to hear some Putin.

You're going to hear some Putin.

You're going to smell some gaseous emissions.

And once you get used to that, then let's get the party started.

Sundyscaries.com.

If you say so.

Promo code JCE.

So it's wonderful that all those Ring of Honor

tapes and all of the library can be seen.

But the question becomes, again,

how in the world is this going to work out over the next couple or three years?

Well, we will find out.

And of course, over the next couple or three years, there's a good chance that you may get hairy and you may need to take care of that.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to apologize for the black hole of transitions.

You know, how long does it take you to get hairy?

It takes me about four to five weeks after I've trimmed everything before I start noticing that it's curling up and it's getting in places and it's itching and everything.

Folks, it's also the holiday season and it's time for the clean balls.

Falla la la la la la la la.

But thanks to the folks at Manscaped, from stocking stuffers to white elephants this year, folks, you're going to be going from eggnog to nice hog.

That's what they say.

Manscaped is a one-stop shop for all your holiday needs.

If you've got stinky crotches or crummy crevices, or things in the way of the goodies that you might be

using on Christmas Eve if Santa gets to come down the chimney, courtesy of the permission of your significant other.

And if you go to Manscaped.com right now, they've got the perfect gift in the Platinum Package 4.0.

Folks, we've been talking about that.

A plethora, a cornucopia of personal grooming items, but There's also loads of little presents perfect for stocking stuffers from our friends at Manscape.

The shampoos, the body washes, the upstairs and downstairs deodorant.

There's even deodorant for the roof.

Don't get me started on the stuff in the basement.

They've got gels and exfoliants.

You don't let your chestnuts roast in the wrong boxers.

Get them a pair of the Manscaped boxers.

And that'll keep the boys cool and comfortable for the holidays and all year round.

If dad's got nasty nose hairs, you can save that problem with the weed whacker nose and ear hair trimmer, the shears 2.0.

It's a full kit for nail care with scissors, clippers, tweezers, and a file.

And that comes in handy if you ever get arrested and thrown in jail while you're on the go.

Then all you got to do,

you'll be right out.

They'd probably clear your pockets or take everything you have before you got put into a jail cell.

Yeah, but see, the Shears 2.0 is, it comes in the little kit and it's small enough to shove up your anal cavity for when you go into jail.

And then

about 24, 36 hours later, you pop it right back out and you're trimming your nails and you're tweezing things and you're filing those bars.

There's the new preserved cologne that brings a light, breezy, woodsy feel.

You'll feel light, breezy, and woodsy.

You'll have the breath of an owl, but you'll smell like a tree.

And you can also use the body buffer.

What's the matter with you?

You have the breath of an owl.

You're the Brett Woodsy Owl.

Give a hoot.

Don't pollute.

And

you can throw out your disgusting old loofah.

I wonder if Riho uses a loofah and you can get the body scrubber that exfoliates all that dead bacteria from your carcass.

And folks, top off the stocking stuffing with the crown jewel for the family jewels, the lawnmower 4.0.

I just used that the other night.

It had been a while.

And I'll tell you what, that LED light that comes on, it really helps out because you got to, as you get older, especially, you got to get in a variety of convoluted positions to do the things that need to be done with the Lawnmower 4.0.

And that light helps immensely to backlight when you've got your...

right arm around your left knee and you're bent over with your head stuck between your legs so you can kiss your ass goodbye if you you don't get your dick shaved by Christmas.

Folks, again,

right now, go to manscaped.com/slash JCE.

That's going to be 20% off and free shipping.

For anything on the site at manscaped.com/slash JCE, 20% off and free shipping.

And you'll clean everything up, whack everything off, and maybe get whacked off in return this Christmas and New Year's.

And don't forget about New Year's.

The last thing you want to do is have a stinky crotch for New Year's.

Because, like Mama Cornette used to say, if you have a stinky crotch on New Year's Day, you'll have a stinky crotch all year long.

She used to say something.

Did she really say that?

Come on.

She didn't really say that exactly.

She said, What you do on New Year's Day, you'll do all year long.

So always be nice to people.

That's what she used to say.

But it would help if you shave your crotch.

Manscaped.com/slash JCE.

That's the way that they can fight the

problem that we've talked about them having with Triple H now in charge of the WWE.

People want to go,

whereas they wanted to put their careers in the hands of Tony Khan instead of Vince McMahon, now they want to go back and work for Triple H.

Well, all Tony has to do is say, hey, we signed Mandy Rose, guys.

She's going to be in the locker room.

We're not going to put her on TV, but if you sign with us, you can be in the locker room with her.

There you go.

Nah, I don't think that's going to work.

Well, in that case, you know what Mandy Mandy Rose needs to do.

You find her attractive?

She's all right.

Yeah, that's the thing.

It's just like, all right.

Well, that's the thing.

And somebody's going to go, wow, look at you, Jim Cornette.

Well, fuck you, first of all.

No, for a person that I have never met, she's another one of the attractive girls that the WWE signs and has made up and potentially gets surgically altered or whatever.

And

in a field of giants, if everybody's seven feet tall, you got no giants.

If everybody is beautiful and attractive, then they all just kind of blend in.

I look for personality

and a fucking look and fucking style and shit, Rhea Ripley, because she don't look, nobody looks like that, nobody works like that, nobody talks like that.

Mandy Rose, Alexa Bliss,

who's the other little blah, Liv Morgan that they're trying to push?

They're very beautiful.

They got no distinct personality that I give a shit about,

nor do they impress upon me that they would know what to do

on the set of a German goo girls flick.

So, you know, what the fuck.

But nevertheless,

I'll tell you what Mandy Rose needs to do, Brian Last.

To get past this whole thing, she'd probably get her job back, do the whole thing.

She probably never would have gotten trouble to begin with.

Find religion?

No, no, of course not.

She just needs to have a good defense.

She needs to deny everything.

And where she slipped up was she did not have express VPN.

Now, if she had had express VPN, then what would have happened is when they came to her and said, how dare you put these pictures up on the internet?

She'd say, well, look.

That's not me.

It's not me because you know where I live.

I live over here in Akron.

And this account came from Bolivia.

It's clearly a body double.

Clearly, somebody surgically altered to look like me to capitalize on my fame and get me in trouble.

But as you can see, it did not come from my web address.

It came from Bolivia or from the Mutia escarpment in the darkest jungles of Africa.

Because that's what ExpressVPN could have done for her, Brian.

Can you see where I'm going with this?

I think it's actually a pretty smart plan.

She could say, you can't fire me.

My face isn't there.

You know where I live.

These photos came from South Africa.

That's right.

And because everybody knows the internet service providers are keeping an eye on you, and the internet service providers like ATT or Verizon or Spectrum, those crooks.

Well, they're all hooked up with all the other evil corporations and companies like the WWE.

So they're keeping track on you or keeping track of you and sharing the information.

The internet service providers, once they get those people installed in your walls where they hear everything that goes on in your house, and then they come out at night with Polaroid cameras and take pictures of your computer screen so they know what you've been doing on it.

And they report that stuff right back to not only the government, but also all the advertisers and also all the big drug dealers in Colombia and also the WWE.

But if Mandy Rose had had her home porn site hooked up through Express VPN, they would have rerouted that signal through an encrypted server.

And that actually, the encrypted server this week is a guy named Matthew.

He was a hell of a guy.

No, it's not a server like a human being.

Yeah, no.

He was a hell of a guy.

He worked over at Carraba's.

He was a server there for a couple of years, but he got hit by a truck last week when he was trying to cross the road, and they encrypted him.

So, what ExpressVPN does is they route your signal through the cemetery, run it through that crypt, and then send it out someplace else.

And that way, if anybody tries to track down where your signal came from, they'll have to deal with a dead body.

I'm not going to argue with you this time.

You broke me this time.

They encrypted him.

They encrypted him.

It's a law.

They've got to encrypt you within 72 hours after you pass away because of the health issue.

There's a smell.

And folks, ExpressVPN's app,

which is what they, you know, they call the crypt, works on all of your devices.

So whether you're on your phone, your tablet, your laptop,

whether you're just laying around the crematorium getting ready to get hot, whatever, you're protected.

And ExpressVPN is super easy to to use.

You just got to tap one button to turn it on, just like Mandy Rose on her internet site.

Tap one button, turn it on, and you're instantly protected.

There's actually an entire lifetime supply of condoms that comes with an ExpressVPN membership.

You get no condoms.

There are no added bonuses.

Well,

not that you can talk about on the air.

But anyway, if you don't want people searching through your late night naughty searches this year or any other year.

Get ExpressVPN.

Go right now.

Do it now.

Well, don't stop listening to us.

Do it at the same time.

Can you walk and chew gum at the same time?

Continue listening to us, but go right now to expressvpn.com/slash JCE,

and you're going to get three extra months of protection for free.

That's express EXPRESSVPN dot com slash JCE, three months extra for free, and nobody's going to be able to figure out what you're up to, whether it's the overthrow of a government or you're just tossing yourself off.

Expressvpn.com.

Yep.

Well, that was AEW Dynamite.

Yeah.

Apparently a new look when we see Dynamite this coming week.

I'll tell you what, I would change my name too.

If I had done that last, I'd not only, I'd grow a beard, I'd bleach bleach my hair, and I'd change my name, make sure they can't recognize me after that program.

So yeah, we can't wait for a new look.

Maybe they'll get a new roster and a new booker.

Well, Jim, to make the save Darby Allen, to save his friend Wardlow

from complete and utter humiliation after the total humiliation he had,

he came down the entranceway.

His music played.

What if he had come out of a box?

He would have been over because anybody that comes out of a box gets over and anything that comes out of a box gets over, ladies and gentlemen.

It's just common human nature.

It's just,

it's as plain as the nose on your face, Matthew, because everybody likes a surprise, right?

And everybody likes opening something up.

Everybody likes opening up a box.

Well, I've had many boxes that I've just enjoyed opening over the years.

And I'll tell you what now, folks, you can have your very own once a month if you want it with Box of Awesome from Bespoke Post.

Now,

is it bespoke or bespoke?

To what should I accentuate there, Brian?

Well, I think it depends on the country and the land you're from.

The pronunciation could be different.

So, I think

for this week, for this episode, you're safe.

But going forward, we may have some clarification.

We may have clarification.

Well, nevertheless, don't even worry about bespoke post.

Worry about boxofawesome.com.

Everybody knows how to say that, boxofaw.com, because what they're doing here, these folks from Bespoke, they are taking

hand-curated items from small businesses that you might never have heard of otherwise, that are in various places around the country.

It could be cozy essentials.

It could be travel must-haves.

It could be cocktail kits.

It could be collector's knives.

They've got a variety.

Yeah.

Knives.

Everett, men like knives, don't they?

Oh, I love knives.

Yeah.

Yes.

Well, you could even do a funny voice about it before we went on the air.

But anyway, nevertheless,

folks, whatever you want, you go to boxofawesome.com

and you take a quiz.

And your answers help them pick the right box of awesome for you filled with awesomeness.

And they release new boxes every month.

and it's across a ton of different categories that's why you take the quiz let's say you're not interested for example in i don't know phony ids from colombia and peru

then you you wouldn't check that then you would be safe using bespoke.com or boxofawesome.com because that is not one of the options they don't sell phony ids from colombia and peru certainly not certainly they do not sell all the all the phony IDs are from right here in this country.

There are no phony Americans.

They don't have any IDs.

You cannot buy IDs.

That is illegal.

You can buy people, but not their identity.

You can own them, but not, you can't own their trademarks and their intellectual property.

What are you saying?

No, you don't.

You know, anyway, you go and you take the quiz at boxofawesome.com.

And if there's some people on there that you'd like to put in a box and have sent to you, then you click that or you check that or whatever the case.

but the more important thing is each box is valued at around 70 but you pay a fraction of that price because it's awesome

and with each box of awesome you're also supporting these small businesses because 90

of everything that comes in your box and 90 of everybody that comes in your box of awesome, that is, is from a small up-and-coming brand,

a small business, a family-owned type of store or type of thing like that.

You're supporting the little people out there who are awesome.

And it's free to sign up.

You can skip a month, you can cancel anytime, but you're going to get, I'm telling you, you're going to get tons of boxes and you're going to love opening them up and seeing the awesomeness that comes out.

And all you got to do right now is go to boxofawesome.com and enter the code JCE at checkout, and you'll get 20%

off your first monthly box.

20% off a box is not bad.

Boxofawesome.com, JCE, 20%

off your first box, courtesy of the code JCE.

And I mean,

they sent some lists of stuff.

They've got a box of knives.

Holy mackerel.

You could be cut long, wide, deep, and repeatedly with these knives.

So if you're going into hand-to-hand gang warfare,

they've got all kinds of tools and

is what you're saying.

Why not do it stylishly?

Do it stylishly.

And this box even comes with hot sauce and barbecue rub in with the knives.

So

you can kill the animal and you can rub it with barbecue rub and cook it over an open fire or you can sauce it up.

You can even start the fire.

using stuff that you get from Box of Awesome Ducks.

Yes.

Well, we didn't start the fire, but it's always burning since the world's been turning.

You a Billy Joel fan?

Are you a Billy Joel fan?

Of course.

How could you not be a fan of Billy Joel, the piano man?

You can't get him in this box, but you might be able to buy his identity if you hurry.

Boxofawesome.com, code JCE for 20% off your first box of whatever the box may contain.

You determine that based on your preferences.

It's It's all going to be awesome, but the flavor and style and shape and content and materialness of the awesomeness is up to your specifications based on your quiz.

They want to give you things you want.

Apparently, now Karrion Cross

is messing with Rey Mysterio because they, after they choked Moss out and threw Emma, whoever she may be,

over the announce desk, they put a Rey Mysterio mask mask on Moss's unconscious

head.

I guess your head's unconscious.

When you're unconscious, your whole body, but especially your head, because that's where your consciousness comes from, right?

Certainly your whole body, as you said, would be unconscious.

Yes.

But they didn't put the Ray mask on his whole body.

They just put it on his head.

If they'd have put it on his wingding, that would have been fucking hilarious.

Look at old dickhead Rey Mysterio.

Well, let me stop you for a second, just because of the natural transition.

They put on a Ray mask.

What about a Raycon?

Well, you know, I'll tell you what.

Out of nowhere.

Out of nowhere, Cinderella story.

But I can handle the fucking quick pitches, folks.

I'll tell you what, if you're tired of hearing this drivel, which apparently Brian Last is,

and you would like to hear whatever you want to hear, if you want to pick the soundtrack to your life, the programming that drives you, whether it's talk or music or just white noise or possibly animal sounds, tigers, lions, and bears, oh my, whatever you want to listen to, you can use the audio accompaniment on your journey through life down that yellow brick road behind that forbidden green door and off that proverbial cliff.

And right now, the fact is a good pair of wireless earbuds is indispensable in 2023.

It was almost goddamn indispensable in 2022, and it was damn near necessary in 2021.

And Matt, next year, you're going to need these things to breathe, folks.

For premium audio at the perfect price point, you've got to go with the Raycons.

Raycons everyday earbuds look, feel, and sound better than ever.

And they taste pretty goddamn good, too.

I mean, you got, what are your senses?

Well, nothing.

They look good.

You can see.

They feel good.

You can touch.

They sound good.

You can hear.

They smell pretty good, except if you, I tell you what, i smelled a pair that had been in stacy's uncle leroy's ears and these were the first raycons that didn't really smell too good but most of them smell good and if you take care of them they'll smell better longer even though they're in your orifices and they taste great and they're less filling They've got the optimized gel tips.

You can pick your flavors.

We have a strawberry, banana, pecan, whatever gel flavor you want.

And they give you the perfect in-ear fit.

Don't chew these things.

Just put them in your mouth and suck on them slowly.

Don't put them in your mouth.

Don't chew them, suck on them, or do anything else.

Just put them in your ear safely and comfortably and listen to some wonderful tunes with Raycon.

Well, you know, actually, if you want to win a karaoke contest, think about this.

You could hide two of these bad boys in your jaw behind your molar.

How does that help?

Turn the volume up all the way.

How does that help in a karaoke contest?

Because then,

if you turn the volume up all the way and you got them secreted in your jaw, well, then when the tune comes up that you've picked, you already know what they're going to play.

You've got it ready.

You just sing it right into the microphone, but it's the Raycons that you'll sound just like Pat Benatar.

That doesn't make any sense at all.

Diana Ross.

How would you know what they're going to play just because you have a Raycon

where your molars are?

You've programmed your, you got

your fucking Raycons programmed to play the same song as they're going to play on the karaoke, and you just time it right and hit the button.

How are you doing that?

How do you do anything with the Raycons that you listen to?

How are you syncing your Raycons with what the producer, what producer, what the DJ is going to play next before they play?

Because you ask when you go to karaoke.

You say, now they've got Brian coming up to sing.

Oh, pardon me, handsome stranger, or whatever the fuck.

And meanwhile, you've got it secreted right there where you can hit the button and you play it and you gotta everyday earbuds.

So you stick your finger all the way in your mouth right before you start.

Wow,

most people stick their fingers in their mouth when they hear me sing.

That's true.

But anyway, and you get quality audio at half the price of the other premium audio brands, folks, as well as the ability to win any karaoke contest in town.

So it's no wonder that Raycon's Everyday Earbuds have over 50,000 five-star reviews and they'd get more, but some people still have their fingers stuck in their mouth.

And they're three customizable sound profiles.

And

you got the more bass, you got the less bass, and you got the fake karaoke setting.

So you can win those contests.

The earbud tap functions, noise isolation.

You've got an awareness mode.

It instantly kicks you up onto a higher plane of consciousness when you kick that in.

It's like a turbocharger.

One of the old 80s

Cougars had those turbocharged motors, just like that.

You press that button, awareness mode instantly.

It's like you spent months with the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi.

You're aware.

You're Zen.

Right now,

you can go to Buy Raycon.

That's B-U-Y-R-A-Y-C-O-N by Raycon.com/slash JCE right now, immediately this minute after listening to the rest of our program, and get 15% off your Raycon order.

Buyraycon.com slash JCE, 15%

off of your Raycon order.

What more can you expect us to do?

For we're giving you not only the ability to soundtrack your life, win every karaoke contest, you got a snack in your pocket with these customizable, optimized, flavored gel tips that you can put them in your mouth and suck them.

And

we're getting you 15% off and a higher plane of consciousness.

by raycon.com.

Anyway, Teddy Hart, teenage sensation.

I think we've drawn a close to the subject.

I'm being serious.

If you think about what people thought of him up to the age of 20, it's obviously very different now.

Well, no, if we talked about what people thought of people rather than what was actually happening in the world,

then we could come up with some more teenage sensations.

That's a good show.

Yeah, we could do a whole new show on that.

Just what people think.

Or we could just go to sleep.

Or possibly

we could talk about Valentine's Day for just a moment because it's right around the corner, as you know.

And I don't know if you're aware of this, Brian, but I am returning.

Finally,

Jim Cornette has returned to Cameo

for the second annual St.

Valentine's Day Mass of Cameos, or is this the third now?

I've lost track.

Second.

Saturday, June 28th, noon Eastern Time.

I will be putting on sale a limited number of cameos at cameo C-A-M-E-O.com or just go to Jim slash Jim Cornette or just go to jimcornet.com and click on the cameo button on the homepage.

It will take you there automatically.

And for your

betrothed or your spouse or your sweetie or your enemy, or people down the street, I will do a customized, personalized, homogenized, pasteurized, and sanitized, not sanitized video message

of your choosing for those people.

I'll give your sweetie a kissing or a cussing.

I will say anything that is not illegal.

And actually, now that I think about it,

there's ways that you can word these things to potentially avoid liability.

So, if you'd like me to threaten somebody with a thinly veiled threat, I guess we can figure out a way to make that work also.

Nothing that would arouse the ire of the authorities or the federal investigators.

Consider the way you get requests, you're going to get people saying now, say something illegal.

Well, could I allude to something bad happening to a person without actually taking credit for it or fingering anyone in particular?

But you love taking credit.

Well, that's true.

Nevertheless, if you want.

If you want a video message from me, Saturday, January 28th at noon Eastern is the time to do it.

Hop on jimcornet.com, click on the cameo button.

We're going to put up about 80 of these because that's all we can do that week.

Hotchkiss Featherbottom with his busy schedule and my schedule that Brian last gives me.

So we're going to limit it to 80.

So get in the first couple of hours from previous history and you will be most happy.

And then after that, you can consider that your Valentine's Day gift to your loved one or hated one is all taken care of.

And then, Brian, the thing to do from there would be to get a great night's sleep.

What a wonderful idea.

Let's start now.

Well, you know what?

I'll just lay down because I'm right next to, I'm very close to, I'm in the proximity of the finest American-made mattress that you can purchase with your hard-earned dollars these days, ladies and gentlemen.

Let me just call your attention.

To one of the many models.

You can see it sitting right here next to me.

Take a big look at it, a big gander at it right now.

One of the mini models, the 14 unique mattresses that our friends at Helix Sleep provide to the fine customers of said company.

I mentioned they're made right here in America.

That means when they come to you, there's no foreign material inside that can possibly cause disease or pestilence.

The only germs that you're going to get from these mattresses are good old American-made germs.

Now, some of them are still deadly, but at least you'll know you went out as a patriot.

However, what you do is you go to helixleep.com.

That's H-E-L-I-X, helixleep.com,

and you just take a quiz.

It takes a couple minutes, that's all, because they want to find the perfect mattress for you.

And once you indicate your various preferences, do you like soft, medium, or firm, or rock hard for that matter?

Do you sleep on your side, your back, your stomach?

Do you wake up with your orifices bleeding in the morning?

Whatever you need to tell them for them to match you to the perfect mattress that they make here in America

that they can provide to you for a low, low price.

They got a 100-night risk-free trial.

We've talked about it before.

You are completely absolved of any responsibility whatsoever for this fine product.

After 100 nights, if you don't like it, they'll come to your house, they'll drag it out in the front yard and set fire to it.

They won't know, they won't let the whole neighborhood know that you didn't like it.

Nobody will know nothing because nothing will be happening.

There'll be no fire, and you have nothing to worry about.

But enjoy that mattress.

Let the fire department be on standby just in case.

And if you don't want to take my word for everything I'm saying, folks, don't Helix.

You should take my word for 80% of the things that I've been saying, ladies and gentlemen, because Helix has been awarded the number one mattress award

by the awards people at GQ Magazine and also over at Wired.

And they've since quit publishing.

Somebody got electrocuted.

It's recommended by multiple leading chiropodists and the doctors of sleep medicine at the International Association of Fecal Studies in Zurich, Switzerland.

That's not here in the copy.

And right now, folks, Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners only.

Nobody else is allowed.

If you didn't listen to the program, don't try to do this.

Go to helixleep.com slash JCE,

helixleep.com slash JCE,

and you're going to get up to $200 off all the mattress orders and two free pillows and a fire extinguisher.

Because when they set fire to that mattress, if you don't like it, you're going to need something to put it out with.

They got 12,000 five-star reviews, not for the extinguisher, but for the mattresses.

So

go right now and do that thing.

And the kids' mattress,

the wee little kids' mattress designed for children 3 to 12 years of age.

Apparently, when you make love on this mattress, you have children 3 to 12 years of age.

No, it's for kids you already have.

I see the copy now.

That's right.

And it's a wee little thing, and it's been designed.

or been awarded best mattress winner

well that that sounds an unwieldy way to word that.

Awarded best mattress is what I would say.

Former best mattress winner was Marilyn Chambers.

Well, that's true.

But not but from Parents Magazine.

Parents Magazine awarded the

mattress the best mattress winner.

Marilyn Chambers just covered the little kids in ivory soap.

And then Marilyn Chambers, in turn, was covered in

various shampoo and lotion-looking substances.

Back to the mattress.

Back to the mattress.

Get the mattress.

Helixleep.com slash JCE.

That's right.

You make it sound so easy there at the end.

Slash JCE Helix Sleep.

We're big fans of them here in the house.

We have two mattresses.

And of course, the all-formed by Helix Sleep couch is in the library, very popular.

Do you have the kids sleeping on one of the...

Do you have them all strapped into that thing?

Just put them all on one kid's mattress?

Or do you have bunk mattresses?

Well, we have no straps.

What kind of of mattress is that?

We have no bed straps.

Let's start with that.

We have no straps for the bed.

Oh, how do you keep them from getting up in the middle of the night?

Were you strapped to the bed?

My mother didn't want me wandering around.

I might fall in the dark.

I can't tell if you're being serious or not.

I thought everybody did that, but not just when I was a little kid.

By the time I was 14, 15, I could get up and wander around on my own.

I still don't know if you're joking or not.

I'm going to assume you're joking and you weren't strapped to the bed.

Well, if it makes you feel better to think that, I guess I'll go along with it.

Well, further questions about this at another time, but Helix sleep for a good night's sleep.

And Jim, several of the listeners who get great night's sleep have been sending in some quotes from you.

They often go to sleep listening to this program.

In the meantime, yes, that's what you need to do, Brian.

You need to obviously, from the question I posed to you and your rebuttal or your response, you need to spend more more family time.

That's exactly what you need to do because you're obviously working yourself to an early grave.

You're not spending quality time with your family, with your wife, with your children, with Swami, for heaven's sake.

That's what you need to do.

You need to lay down in bed and cozy up in front of the cozy TV with Fraser reruns on a helix sleep mattress.

That's exactly what you need because then you're going to get a good night's sleep.

And

how many kids you got in that house now?

Four and Swami.

Okay, well, there you go.

Well, they got the kids' mattress.

So here's what you do.

You get your king-size mattress for you and Suzanne.

And then around it, like tables in a table's ladders and chairs match, you get the kids' mattresses.

And you line them up all around that mattress and you put Swami on the one in the middle at the foot of the bed.

And everybody can watch TV on their own helix sleep mattress until they fall asleep into the blissful land of slumberation.

And when you're slumberated, that's the best sleep you can get.

And you know, those kids' mattresses, they've got the, you know, the optional restraints where

no, they don't.

There are no optional restraints.

There are no restraints.

Do not restrain your children.

Well, you know, it keeps them from wandering the halls at night while you're asleep.

They can get into all kinds of trouble.

Close the door.

Well, what if they pick the lock?

What if the kid picked the lock?

I'm just telling what I did when I was a kid.

My mother found that lock pick, boy.

She tanned my hide.

And I'll tell you what, as a matter of fact, that's when I had to start sleeping strapped up against the wall because I couldn't figure out how to get loose from that one as easily as the one.

But nevertheless.

Well, you don't have to do that nowadays, ladies and gentlemen, because there are wonderful mattresses like the ones from our friends at Helix Sleep.

That's right.

And these children's mattresses, they are

made from the finest american children because everybody knows that children are eating no no no no no no no they're they're softer and more malleable than than us old people when we get old with our brittle bones and our our pointy elbows you can curl up on a nice child mattress and you you'll sleep like a baby that's where that state statement came from this is many people in the old days used to sleep on beds made of babies.

First of all,

that was a status symbol back in the medieval time.

I don't know what you're talking about, but let's just make sure we're clear right now.

There is no child labor involved with the manufacturing of helix sleep mattresses that

are made by hardworking adults in America.

Yes, the adults make the mattresses out of the best American children.

No, they can stop that.

No, they don't.

They make them out of the fine things that you've put in mattresses that are comfortable, none of which,

none of these mattresses contain human parts.

let's just put it out there well all right if that's what you say what uh what do they what are the fine things that they put in mattresses to make them comfortable you know i'm not one to give away the proprietary information i don't want to give that away that's uh up to the fine people like mr helix and his sleep friends but let's talk about a wonderful night's sleep that you can get That's right.

Well, here's what you do, folks, if you want one like we have all the time.

As a matter of fact, as you can tell, sometimes we never wake up helix the lineup they've got 14 unique mattresses they got luxury models they got a mattress for big and tall sleepers even once again the children's mattress it's made just for oh i see four kids i thought it said from just four kids four kids okay the mattress is made just for kids by american workmen rather than just from kids and and How will you know which one is best, folks?

Well, you can take the Helix Sleep quiz and find your your perfect mattress in under two minutes.

That's only if you can spell, though.

If you're illiterate, it takes between three and five minutes.

And once you do that, your personalized mattress is shipped straight to your door free of charge.

Now,

it won't have your initials on it

unless you pay extra, but it's chosen for you personally.

And Helix knows that there's no better way to test out a new mattress than by sleeping on it in your own home.

I've mentioned the problems that I've had in the past going into a mattress store, especially when I took a tray of burgers and fries.

I wanted to see if I could, you know, how it felt when I was eating in front of the television.

And then, you know, when Stace and I went in to test it that second time and we took the blanket and everything, they kicked us out of the store.

But anyway, they've got, what they've got here now is they've got this.

a 100 night risk-free trial where for a hundred nights you can try this mattress out.

We encourage you not to get as much DNA as possible on it.

Just think of the next sucker that they're going to pawn this thing off on.

No, no, no.

Think about how much you're going to enjoy the mattress.

Get as much DNA on it as you want because you're going to keep it because you're going to love it.

Or you could do that.

But if you're going to give it back after 100 nights and be an asshole like that, then try to keep it clean here, fella.

But anyway, you got that option.

But you can see how your body adjusts.

Sometimes when people lay on these mattresses for a while, their body just kind of sinks into the thing and becomes part of the mattress.

And

the cells in your skin literally grow into the fibers of the mattress.

So it's so comfortable.

It has to be comfortable.

You can't stand up.

That doesn't happen.

You'll be able to stand up.

Well, just keep somebody with a spatula every three days needs to flip you because there could be bed sores.

But anyway.

Folks, again, you take the helix sleep quiz.

You're matched with the model mattress.

They deliver it to your door.

It's got a hundred-night risk-free trial.

It could be soft, medium, firm.

It can be whatever you want it to be.

If you give it a tip, it'll do the things that your wife won't.

So, right now, folks, go to helixsleep.com.

Again,

as I'm trying to find the goddamn copy, that's helix

sleep

helixleep.com.

That's H-E-L-I-X helixleep.com/slash J-C-E,

because they're offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners if you use that code.

And remember the 10 or 15-year warranty, depending on the model, the number one mattress from GQ magazine, the multiple leading chiropodists that have recommended this.

fine mattress for you to lay on.

And you could actually, some people are now actually being buried on their Helix mattress.

And they just, they just bring a forklift and they just lift the whole thing up and then they flip it over like a flapjack and the mattress side goes up and they just stick a stone and there you go.

Boom.

Helix sleep.com/slash JCE.

I don't even know what to say anymore.

Yes, try Helix Sleep.

That's the point of the message.

They're great.

For real.

You can't trust these big corporations.

We've said that many times.

And

I'll tell you,

again, it's nerve-wracking the thought that your favorite stuff that you thought you could watch anytime you want will disappear.

Or the thought that, you know, let's say, for example, if you're listening to us out there and you're the CEO of one of these major multi-billion dollar streaming services and you're thinking, well, we're going to go bankrupt this week.

I'm going to lose $947 million.

Well, shit, that can give you the Sunday scaries.

You see what I did there, Brian?

I see what you did, and I agree with you.

That could give you the Sunday.

It should.

It can make you nervous.

You'll be shaking like a dog shitting peach seeds, folks.

On Sunday, if you got to go to work on Monday knowing you're going to lose nearly $1 billion,

or if your entire life's entertainment is going to be wiped off and you're never going to be able to see it again.

All those things can make you nervous, can make you shaky, can make you anxious, can make you ridden with fear and

trepidation is what I'm trying to say.

And that's why you need the Sunday scary CBD gummies because they were made to defeat the crap that life throws at us.

They're the perfect CBD gummies for professional people that are stressed over work or the super moms that have 18 kids and are trying to breastfeed them all at the same time.

Or if you're in school and you're sweating it because you know you're a complete imbecile imbecile and you're going to fucking flunk all your courses, just take some CBD.

Or if you're a regretful drunk sexter.

If you're a student above age for the record.

Yeah, well, that's why I say you're in college, right?

You got these big tests going on.

They don't browbeat the grade schoolers, for heaven's sake.

Well, some of them are.

Depends where you go.

Depends on where you go.

Anyway, I still like the regretful drunk sexters.

Apparently, that can make you scared or anxious or nervous i think if if you're drunk you should have free reign to say whatever you want do you think it's people

are regretting the text as they're doing it or just after the fact when they wake up sober well i don't think they're regretting it while they because regret by the definition of that is something you feel bad about something you have done not something that you are doing you can't regret that yet you haven't done it yet see don't you see well imagine woody allen texting like the instant regret with every word oh i shouldn't have put this oh i could see it happening.

I could see Woody Allen regretting things that he did,

but nevertheless, let's say you don't relax well.

Let's

move on there.

Let's say you don't relax well.

It's hard to shut your brain off, or like Brian, it's hard to start it up.

Are you overthinking?

Are you stressing yourself out?

Folks, the Sunday scaries are deliciously cute, vitamin-boosted CBD gummies that chill you out.

They help you sleep.

No more staring at the ceiling and worrying about things that are to come.

So, just right now, if you want to live scare-free, calm your racing mind, chill out, whatever, take two CBD gummies every day to keep the scaries away, and we will save you 25% on that proposition.

When you visit Sunday, as in the day of the week, Sunday Scaries, S-C-A-R-I-E-S,

SundayScaries.com.

Use the promo code JCE for your discount of 25%.

Promo code JCE, 25% off the gummies and all the variety of goodness at sundyscaries.com.

You'll be Sakalm.

You'll be positively comatose.

No, you will be awake and calm with Sunday scaries.

Well, you won't be awake if you're asleep, but you will be calm and not comatose.

Let me stress that.

No, I'm Sunday scaries.

I'm exaggerating.

You can flatline and still

have

recognition of what's going on.

Your brain will still work, folks.

It's just your body.

Nothing will move.

Again, all these things could technically happen to all of us, but not because of Sunday scaries, which are delicious and can help you with your Sunday scaries.

Yes.

So you're just saying at any time, you could just open your eyes and not be able to move any part of your body.

So we got that to look look forward to.

Well, it could happen.

It doesn't mean it will happen.

Well, thinking about that potentially happening in the future is a great reason to take some of this unicorn jerky from Sunday Scaries.

That's right.

And get it over with now.

Sunday Scaries.

It was one of the most viewed, if not the most viewed.

I guess that's what they said here ever.

How many people do you think listen to the Royal Rumble, or perhaps how many people do you think listen to something else during the Royal Rumble?

Oh, shit.

We got commercials, don't we?

That's right, we do.

Well, son of a bitch, you know what?

This time of year, everybody's talking about the changes.

You know, the New Year's revolutions, the things you're promising yourself you're going to do, you're going to quit the bad habits.

That's all well and good, and everything.

But most of the time, folks,

I say again,

bullshit,

unrealistic, because small changes to your routine can make a big impact.

You don't have to break the bank to make a big deal purchase.

You can do small things and it can be part of a big change if it's something you use every day.

So you don't have to think glorious about how you're going to change the world, cure cancer.

Start out, just start out with a good pair of quality everyday earbuds from Raycon.

Premium audio at the perfect price point.

You can build your great habits off of that.

Now, you can listen to music when you're working out, you're going to be in better shape, or when you're walking, you're going to be in better shape, you're going to be happier, you're going to be breathing oxygen, or you can have your own soundtrack to muffle out distracting noises that stress you out so you'll feel better mentally and physically.

And

now, every the Raycons, they got everything.

The battery lasts all night.

For heaven's sake, they start at half the price of the other premium audio brands.

You don't have to choose between products.

You can get one of each, whether they are the everyday earbuds or the low-latency gaming headphones that I understand now that they have.

And boy,

they're low and latent.

And they're headphones that game.

So you don't have to choose because these things are priced so low, you get one of each of them.

And you'd still pay less than you would with some of the other brands charge you with the giant markups with these other people.

And the Raycons,

they offer buy now and pay later options.

Every purchase has an easy and free return guarantee.

And you know all

the functions and all the features, the three customizable sound profiles.

You got front, you got left side, you got right side, all profiles.

The earbud tap functions, you can literally tap your earbuds and watch the juice pour out of them.

And you got noise isolation when you want to go deaf, awareness mode when you want to achieve a higher state of consciousness.

I think you might be reading all of these the wrong way.

Well, you're reading them right, but I think you may be interpreting all these things the wrong way.

Are you saying, are you trying to pervert my interpretation?

No, I think your interpretation is perverted on its own.

I'm trying to reverse.

Thank you, Doctor.

The customized gel tips, they got the perfect, comfortable in-ear fit.

The gel, watch out if you're near the equator.

Once it gets up to about 140 degrees, that gel will melt right to your skin and provide an impenetrable seal.

Again, that's where you take it too far.

There will be no melting of the gel that you have to worry about in your ear near the equator.

Unless you stick your head in an oven.

Then you got bigger problems.

Don't do that.

Just don't do that.

You might as well listen to some music if your head's in an oven.

You know, here's the thing.

A lot of people have falsely claimed they stuck their heads in microwave ovens, but how did they get it to come on if the door wasn't closed?

See?

Who's claiming that?

What you can tell?

Well, you've heard people tell those stories.

No, I have not.

You know, these Raycons have crystal clear call quality.

Can you make phone calls with these things?

Well, you can make a phone call on your phone.

You could answer it and have the earbud in your ear to listen to the phone call.

So you're listening to your earbuds.

How can you hear what the guy on the phone is saying if you're still listening to your earbuds?

It's on your earbuds.

Your earbuds picks up transmission via Bluetooth.

Bluetooth.

I can't.

Bluetooth technology.

Well, I went to the dentist and he told me that that had to come out.

The one that I had that was blue.

It was turning black, but it was still blue.

We were going so well.

Nevertheless,

so you can hear the guy talking to you on the telephone in your earbuds.

Well, that's, see, I thought I was just hearing voices.

I called and made an appointment with the doctor and everything.

Son of a bitch.

Also,

you've got their water and sweat resistant.

So no matter how nervous you get, you're sweating, you're shaking like a dog, shitting peach seeds, you're still not going to be electrocuted.

And if you can dunk your head in any body of water or bucket of water, you can go underwater in the bathtub or the hot tub or whatever, because they're water and sweat resistant of course now do you want do you go come back in the hot tub do you go underwater do you go underwater in the hot tub well it depends on whether it's bubbling or not you know if it's just if it's just sitting there well i don't put my head underwater anyway but i can see how people would but if you if you goddamn go underwater when all those jets are on

it's just just bend over sometime when those jets are on if you're naked you'll get water up any kind of orifice that you leave exposed for long so i wouldn't recommend that What do you mean you wouldn't put your head underwater?

I don't put my head underwater,

my eyes, my nose, and my ears.

No,

are you talking about in a pool or are you in the shower?

Anything.

Well, a shower is not technically underwater.

The water is fucking falling all over.

Hold on, let me before we get back to that.

Right now, go to buy Raycon, B-U-Y-R-A-Y-C-O-N dot com slash JCE, and you're going to get 15%

off your Raycon order.

That's buyraycon.com slash JCE, 15%

off anything you get off of buyraycon.com.

That's with the slash JCE.

But back to the shower, the shower, the water is coming over the top of your head and falling on past.

It's not a body of water that you are submerging yourself in.

So, but no, I don't

get my eyes underwater.

I don't get my ears underwater.

When was the last time your head was underwater?

Probably

35 years ago.

The last time I briefly would have jumped into a swimming pool and momentarily dunked before I came back up.

What caused you?

But I don't like that anyway.

Okay, well, I was going to say, what caused you?

Because I don't like getting water in my ears.

What about earplugs?

I don't like earbugs.

I don't like having things in my ears.

Other than Raycon, other than other than Raycon.

but i'm talking about like a plug you

if you put a plug in your ear you're just going to push earwax all the way back into your brain well clean your ears don't have earwax everywhere oh god damn if i'm not underwater how can i clean them out see that's a it's a catch 22.

How do you feel about q-tips?

Do you use q-tips to clean your ears?

I use q-tips gently.

Yes.

You don't shove it all the way into just like the raycons.

You just put them in the, you don't have to shove them.

They go.

They're slick.

Every once in a while, you can lubricate them.

Got some, you know, butt plug lube or something.

It might make them easier.

I wouldn't do that.

Don't use lube on anything you're putting inside your ear, let alone whatever lube he's talking about.

I had a follow-up question, but now that's gone.

Well, the point is, and I don't open my eyes underwater.

I don't want water under in my ears.

I don't want water up my nose.

And I don't want water in my eyes.

You can wear goggles.

Oh, that just looks foolish.

It looks foolish.

You're underwater.

Who's looking at you?

I'm not going to be underwater because even if my goddamn, how can you get your guy, your eyes underwater when your nose and your ears aren't underwater?

What am I standing on my fucking head being lowered by a goddamn rope?

The nose is the easiest thing to control because if you're not sucking in water through your nose, it's not going to really just pour into your nose.

I don't want to give it the opportunity.

And you can pinch it if you really were worried about it.

If I pinch it, it'll bleed.

I'm susceptible, I'll have you know.

I'll take your word for it.

What

fucking

glorious thing am I missing out on in life by not dunking my head in a bucket of water?

What am I depriving of myself here?

That I just, I don't fucking stick my head underwater.

Well, swimming is wonderful.

It's a wonderful thing to do.

You can swim without putting your head underwater.

You can't really swim.

You have to go under the water.

You have to move.

What if I run underwater?

I'm going to swim across a fucking pool from one side to the other.

I've got time.

How are you going to get time?

If I was in a hurry, I wouldn't be in the fucking swimming pool.

How are you going to swim from one side to the other without getting your head under the water?

I do it all the time.

How?

All the time.

Where?

All the time.

Whenever, well, I used to, whenever I was in a hotel pool.

Well, you just, you lean on your back.

And you, and you, because I'm a good floater and I get on my back and I do the little strokes with my arms and I'd I'd kick my feet.

I just kick my feet up, baby, and I can propel myself across on my back.

And then I can go forward if I've got my feet out, and I'm kicking my feet, and I'm doing the breaststroke thing with my head up, kind of like a little dog paddle.

All right, I can get anywhere I need to go in a swimming pool without putting my head underwater, but you can get there faster underwater

again.

Why am I in a hurry?

Well, at least sometimes I'm-relaxing recreation.

What am I going to?

I'm trying to fucking take Mark Spitz's spot on the fucking U.S.

Olympic team?

Well, you may.

Johnny Weissmueller is going to be disappointed in me.

Well, he's dead, but you may want to work out in the pool.

And sometimes it's fun to just see how fast you can go from one side of the pool to the other underwater the whole time.

No, it's not.

No, it is fun.

I've done it.

You haven't done it.

It's fun.

I don't have any urge to do that.

That's not something I would consider fun.

That's something I would consider intentional, almost drowning.

Someone takes something you care about.

They throw it into the center of the pool.

You have to jump in the water to get over there to get it.

What do you do?

I grab them.

I throw them in the fucking pool.

I won't let them out of the water until they bring me my shit back.

When they pushed you in the pool at Vince's house, what happened?

Oh, that would be the last time my head went underwater.

That was 1996.

I fucking come out and went, hey, what the fuck?

And proceeded to fucking float over, actually, back on my back.

I backstroked over the edge and climbed out.

What the fuck?

And then

see, that's the best part.

Not that they pushed you in and then you just, goddammit, you swam right to the edge and popped out.

You had to slowly backstroke out of it.

I backstroked out of it and then I got up and then Vince gave me

a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt that he had in the house that was dry and gave me an old coat of his that was three sizes too big because he has arms like six inches longer than mine, and he was a tall man, but it was a designer coat worth like $500.

He said, Here, fucking take this home.

I don't ever wear it.

They say that when a bloody dynamite kid showed up in his locker room in 88, he said, I can't believe you didn't go down.

Is that what he said to you?

I can't believe you didn't go under the water.

In front of him and Pat, you just slowly backstroke.

I was out real quick.

I went under for a second, but I was out real quick.

All right, we're talking about Raycon.

No, I finished that a while ago.

Oh, did you came back?

Yeah, remember?

Let's remind you.com/slash JCE is how you get 15% off.

I said that several times.

And then we went back to your delusions about me trying to drown myself.

Well, it is my show.

Well, I wouldn't dream of getting in the way of your show then.

So do it.

Well, there it is, volume three, the commercials.

What do you say, Jim?

Well, I say that we've got to hurry because I got to drop you off at the English class that you've just recently signed up for so you can communicate better with the fans.

But

fine products, all of them.

We hope that everyone will take this opportunity to buy mini copies of each of the things that we were talking about.

That's right.

We'll talk more about them on the drive-through and the experience for Jim Cornette.

I'm the great Brian Last.

KRT Experience.

K.

The experience of Jim Cornette.

Of Jim Cornette.

of Jim Connet