Jim Cornette Experience Special - Cornette Commercials Omnibus Volume 3

Transcript

Speaker 1 This isn't just a game, it's a once-in-a-generation event.

Speaker 5 The Harlem Globetrotters 100-year tour.

Speaker 12 Celebrate 100 years of high-flying dunks, 100 years of show-stopping moves, and 100 years of changing the game.

Speaker 18 Bring the whole family and be part of the legacy.

Speaker 21 This game is once in a century.

Speaker 24 Be there at Chase Center on January 18th.

Speaker 30 Go to HarlemGlobetrotters.com for your tickets to the 100-year tour.

Speaker 33 Like a midnight and the rock and roller, he's in a fight for wrestling solar using a racket and some mind controller. He's Jim Cornette.

Speaker 33 The keys to the future held by the past. And with tag team partner, Barion Last, he sends this message out by podcast.

Speaker 33 Jim Cornette!

Speaker 33 Well, he's never fake a phony.

Speaker 33 He never backs down from a fight.

Speaker 33 He never wins the pony. Cause his mama raised him right.

Speaker 33 It's time

Speaker 33 to prepare

Speaker 33 your mind.

Speaker 33 Get the experience.

Speaker 33 Get the experience of Jim Cornette.

Speaker 33 Hello again, friends. The great Brian Last here, you there.
We are back with another omnibus, a very popular edition, the latest edition, volume three of Jim Cornette's commercials.

Speaker 33 And of course, here to tell you about it, the man who caused all the trouble himself, Mr. Jim Cornette.

Speaker 34 Well, now I understand, Brian, that the commercial announcements that we make on our various programs are highly sought after.

Speaker 34 They're very popular, popular with the listeners and the cult of Cornet members out there. I don't know why.

Speaker 34 I'm just trying to bring the people some good quality products and save them some money by doing it at the same time. Trying to stick to

Speaker 34 the simple truth and tell the people the way that these products are and how they can be used. I don't go into business for myself.
I don't exaggerate. I don't outright

Speaker 34 make things up like some people selling some products. I try to stick to the straight and narrow narrow on these as the people will see here on this compilation.

Speaker 33 As people will hear here on this compilation. Well, if you

Speaker 34 cause trouble, if you could see what I hear, you would know that I'm right.

Speaker 34 And the only reason you can't is because your tongue got stuck over your eye teeth and you couldn't see what you were saying.

Speaker 33 Well, there's a lot being said right now, and why don't we get right to it?

Speaker 33 Of course, some of these are a little older, so they may not be active, but if it's anyone you still hear us talk about on the show, those promo codes are active, so give it a shot if that is what you wish.

Speaker 33 But we're back at the end of the show, but here we go, Jim Cornett's commercials, volume three, the latest omnibus.

Speaker 33 I was actually thinking about when you were in Charlotte, but I guess there wouldn't have been enough wrestling around the country worth you going out of your way to record.

Speaker 34 No, when my God, when I was in Charlotte, I was setting three VCRs every weekend before I went on the road just to record all of Crockett's programs.

Speaker 34 Think about this: it was Saturday night TBS, Sunday night TBS, then Friday night TBS got added.

Speaker 34 Crockett had two hours of syndication that went most places in the country and another 30-minute program and sometimes an hour program on in Charlotte, plus Norman sending me what's left of the territories.

Speaker 34 So,

Speaker 34 you know, we had it. We had it nailed.
And then

Speaker 34 after that, you know, I just, and those early dishes were not like the little things they sit on the the roof of your

Speaker 34 fucking mobile home now. It was a commitment.
It looked like a goddamn spaceship had landed in the backyard.

Speaker 33 Well, with all the running around doing all the merch, I guess you probably would have spent a lot on auto parts.

Speaker 33 That's how we do it, folks.

Speaker 34 You

Speaker 34 lazy motherfucker.

Speaker 34 Oh, we told you it was going to be like this, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 34 Do you think there's anybody out there? Could this be the first podcast in history where by this point, everybody just said they're just not going to do it today and just clicked off.

Speaker 34 And we're literally talking to ourselves. Nobody will ever hear this.

Speaker 34 Well, that's a good reason for our sponsors to keep signing back up. Ladies and gentlemen, I'll tell you what.

Speaker 34 You know, with the problems with all the makes and models of the cars they make these days, you know, strange as it may seem, they give these cars strange names these days.

Speaker 34 You've got, well, who's on first? What's on second?

Speaker 34 No, they've got a ton of makes and models of the cars just all kinds of them and they all look weird anymore have you ever noticed this they don't have fins on them like they used to and you can't put a good car stereo in anymore back in the old days back in in my day but i'll tell you what no matter what you've got you got one of the new cars or you got one of the old cars that say you need a goosele pipe for a 43 Packard

Speaker 34 because most people don't just have these common ordinary run-of-the-mill cars anymore. They got some classics.
Well,

Speaker 34 you can't just go to a brick-and-mortar store, Brian. You can't do that.

Speaker 34 Because, for one thing, I've yet to see anybody repair a car with either bricks or mortar. It doesn't work.
That mortar clogs up the fuel lines.

Speaker 34 But the brick and mortar stores can't carry all these parts, but we know who can. Our friends at rockauto.com.
Because they're a family business

Speaker 34 they were related to the manson family at one time but no

Speaker 34 they were cleared of any wrongdoing whatsoever it was actually they were only related by marriage they found out so a very nice family with no relation to the man family well that's well marriage is no relation it's just it's a legal thing but you don't have any blood connection And they've been serving auto parts customers online for 20 years, ever since the legal settlement that prevented them from having these brick and mortar stores.

Speaker 33 There was no legal.

Speaker 34 So they fled online.

Speaker 34 They're anchored somewhere off a what are you talking about?

Speaker 33 It's past the three-mile limit in international waters.

Speaker 34 They've been told that they can do anything they want.

Speaker 33 What was the four and a half miles out? What was the brick and mortar lawsuit exactly?

Speaker 34 Well,

Speaker 34 there was an issue, is all I'm saying, but the feds got it stepped in.

Speaker 33 Well, the feds.

Speaker 34 And as long as they stay four and a half miles offshore, it's international waters, folks, and they've got all the parts there. And

Speaker 34 they'll put them on the boat, run them over to the dock, and then they have to wait for nighttime to fall. Then they switch over to the truck and they're going to bring them straight to you.

Speaker 34 They got everything from engine control modules and brake parts to tail lamps, motor oil, even new carpet. As a matter of fact, that's what I'm sitting on right now.

Speaker 34 I carpeted the office with this carpet from rockauto.com, and it's amazing.

Speaker 34 And their catalog is unique and remarkably easy to navigate. They sent me one the other day.

Speaker 34 It looks, it's even thicker than the Sears catalog, but they don't use the slick paper that the Sears people started using there.

Speaker 34 Because I'll tell you at one point, you know, you had to have your companion in the outhouse was the Sears catalog. Then they started going to that slick paper and, oh my God.

Speaker 34 Not only did it smear instead of wipe, but then the paper cuts were insane.

Speaker 34 And if you've ever paper-cutted your taint with a page of the Sears catalog, you'll know that I'm not fooling around when I say that that's not something you don't want to do.

Speaker 34 Maybe I use some double negatives there.

Speaker 33 I don't know what's going on here, but let me just go back a step. Whatever you get from rockauto.com, be assured it will be delivered legitimately by very nice people.
Yes.

Speaker 33 Via legitimate means no intrigue and espionage in the night or whatever you were describing before. Actually,

Speaker 34 we're not sure they're going to be nice because they do do background checks. The second leg of the delivery,

Speaker 34 the deliverers, the delivery folks are background checked on that leg because they tried to do it on both legs, but the people taking that first leg, waiting for nighttime and then loading it on the truck, sometimes they didn't want their backgrounds checked.

Speaker 34 But the people that bring it to your house, they've checked them. They don't have to be friendly.
That's not part of the equation.

Speaker 34 they need to be professional

Speaker 34 they need to be responsible they they need to fulfill their function but they're not required to be friendly there was a lawsuit about that that went to the fucking i think the ninth district and they ruled against us there was no required to be friendly no there was no lawsuit there was no ninth district are you assuming that rock auto has their own courier

Speaker 34 I'm not assuming when you assume you make an ass of you and me. I'm just saying that rockauto.com has ways to get these things things to your home fairly quickly.

Speaker 34 And you'll be happy as a clam with them when you open the box up regardless of how they got there. Just don't look these people in the eye when they hand you the box and it'll be fine.

Speaker 34 And the best of all, prices.

Speaker 34 God damn you.

Speaker 34 And rockauto.com are always reliably low and the same for professionals and do-it-yourselfers because You know, a professional is just a do-it-yourselfer that is fucking con somebody into giving them some money.

Speaker 34 So why spend up to twice as much for the same parts?

Speaker 34 Go to rockauto.com right now and see all the parts available for your car, truck, and write JCE in their how did you hear about us box so they know that we sent you because it means a lot to them, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 34 And we want to do whatever they say because we do not want the wrath of rock auto on our on our backs.

Speaker 34 You've heard of having a monkey on your back when you got rock auto on your back. Fuck, that shit's hard to kick.
Amazing selection, reliably low prices and all the parts your car will ever need.

Speaker 33 And nothing to worry about. And nothing to worry about.
Nice people.

Speaker 34 No worry. They don't have to be nice.

Speaker 34 It's elective.

Speaker 34 They can choose to be nice if they want, but they will be professional. Rockauto.com.

Speaker 33 Well, there it was, Jim. Our review of SummerSlam.
Of course, it was on the official Jim Cornette YouTube channel and right here on the drive-thru. And a good show, a fun show.

Speaker 33 And although, as you pointed out at the very top of the review,

Speaker 33 it was a nice surprise to have a show that was under four hours. Even though it was under four hours, I still was tired and ready to go to sleep.

Speaker 34 Much like you are today. Ladies and gentlemen, if you're tired and you would like to go to sleep, you're tired of this program.

Speaker 34 And you'd like to go to sleep or possibly be in a medically induced coma, maybe be sentenced to the federal penitentiary, anything to avoid listening to this program, then we got a deal for you.

Speaker 34 Because folks, again, a good night's sleep is the answer to a lot of people's problems. You got stress, you got aches and pains.

Speaker 34 Sleep rejuvenates you, and you've got to do it in the right way and on the right equipment. You got to have the proper equipment to get the proper night's sleep.

Speaker 34 And the first thing, you can't just lay down in the basement, just on the cold basement floor. You can't do that.
You're not going to get a good night's sleep.

Speaker 34 But if you go to helixleep.com, they've even got mattresses that cool you down.

Speaker 34 If you and your family, your significant other, or the various people that you share a bed with every night can never agree on the temperature of the thermostat, they've even got mattresses with specialized cooling technology.

Speaker 34 Or, for example, let's say you want to sleep on something. a little bit firm, but not like a towel floor.
Maybe you got a bad back.

Speaker 34 They got firm, but if you like to sleep in something that approximates, I don't know, a marshmallow or possibly the midsection of jelly Nutella, they've got soft, mushy mattresses.

Speaker 34 It just depends on what you like. If you like sleeping on a bag of rocks, I'm sure they could probably fucking whip one of those up for you too.

Speaker 34 As we know, some people like to have their balls nailed to a stepstool. But whatever you like to sleep on, the folks at Helix Sleep have got one of them.

Speaker 34 And it's not even ones that people have sent back to get their money back because they offer that too.

Speaker 33 They don't like it.

Speaker 34 No, I'm just, you've told me. You've explained to me plainly and succinctly that they don't give people their money back, take a mattress back, and then turn around and sell it again.

Speaker 34 That wouldn't be cricket. They don't do that.
You've explained that to me.

Speaker 34 Are you now trying to take that back?

Speaker 33 No, I'm standing with that. They do not do that.
They're standing with that.

Speaker 34 Yes. Or sleeping with it, as the case may be.

Speaker 34 sleeping on it because they are a reputable company and it's a great mattress to sleep on yeah yes so they give you your money back if you don't like it and they just brand you as an ungrateful prick on the specialized list that all these companies have and next time you order something from somebody else to have a money-back guarantee they're going to know what the fuck's going on and they're going to treat you accordingly They're going to realize what kind of scam you're pulling.

Speaker 34 You know what? Beyond these kind of shyster business you're into.

Speaker 33 Beyond these stories you're concocting, much to the chagrin of our sponsors each and every week here, you may be on to something.

Speaker 33 The idea of a national registry that's available to people for people that always ask for their money back.

Speaker 34 Yeah,

Speaker 34 because that little greedy small band of pricks just ruins everything for the rest of the people. But anyway, folks, Helix Sleep.
Did I mention they've got all kinds of mattresses?

Speaker 34 for all kinds of people and all you got to do is go to helixleep.com take the two-minute sleep quiz that matches you to the mess mattress the mess or the mess or the mattress that best serves your needs they got a 10-year warranty you get a hundred nights you can try it out risk-free there is absolutely no risk to sleep on these mattresses for a hundred nights after a hundred nights it gets a little dodgy but it's still a fine mattress after a hundred nights well after a hundred nights just says you get to try it out for a hundred nights risk-free i assume after the first 100 nights, there's some element of risk enters into this thing.

Speaker 34 And Helix is offering up to $200 off all the mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners at helixleep.com slash JCE. That's helixleep.com slash JCE.

Speaker 34 Up to 200 bucks off the mattress orders and a couple of free pillows. Hey, there's nothing wrong with a couple of free fun bags.

Speaker 34 Slap those on either side of your head, drop onto a helix mattress, and you'll be floating in space.

Speaker 34 You know what?

Speaker 34 That would be just weightless, just floating in space. That would be so comfortable, except for the fact that there's no oxygen in space.

Speaker 34 That means that your fucking eyeballs would explode and your guts would immolate into fucking jelly and you'd just... obliterate yourself into thousands of tiny particles.

Speaker 34 But otherwise, you'd get a good night's sleep in space.

Speaker 33 That's a nightmare that some people may have, but you won't have to worry about that kind of thing when you're sleeping on a helix sleep mattress, the finest mattress.

Speaker 33 You will have a good night's sleep with pleasant dreams, and it'll be well after 100 nights. How do I walk back everything?

Speaker 33 Well after 100 nights, you will enjoy everything and you will not be floating in space with your innards coming out.

Speaker 34 No, not unless you sleep on a helix sleep mattress in space with no spacesuit. Then you're fucked.

Speaker 33 But fortunately, the listeners don't have to worry about that. They can just worry about good nights and good days after sleeping on helix sleep, right?

Speaker 34 They bring it right to your door. Did I mention that?

Speaker 33 I don't know what you've mentioned so much. I don't know.

Speaker 33 They bring it right to your door and it's

Speaker 33 what you want.

Speaker 34 You can even put it where you want it. It's not like one of the big store-bought type of mattresses.
where you can hide a body in it.

Speaker 34 As a matter of fact, sometimes, did you hear about that one guy in pismo beach

Speaker 34 he went to a mattress store and bought a mattress had a dead corpse in it

Speaker 34 and he it took him forever to get his money back not with helix sleep if they send you a mattress with a corpse in it that's automatic they won't send you a mattress with a corpse in it there are no corpses involved in this process

Speaker 34 it's like the scene in in four rooms there's a dead whore in under the bed it's not like that at all a dead whore under the bed.

Speaker 33 It's not like that at all. Was Stu Hart starring in that film?

Speaker 34 Well, it was actually Tim Curry, who does a decent Stu Hart impression, but nothing like that.

Speaker 33 It sounds like it. All right.
Anyway, what's that promo code again?

Speaker 34 That would be Helix. That's H-E-L-I-X, like Felix the Cat, only it's Helix the Sleep.
HelixSleep.com/slash J-C-E.

Speaker 33 You know what that means?

Speaker 34 Are we closed?

Speaker 33 We have a new sponsor here this week.

Speaker 34 A new sponsor.

Speaker 33 A very new sponsor, and we're happy to have them on board. And we know they're happy to be here, but we want to let the listeners know all about our friends with prize picks.

Speaker 34 Prize picks. And I understand from you, Brian, there's a way to make money on this.

Speaker 33 Of course. Now, Jim, this is not a script.
I want to put this into my own words.

Speaker 33 Tonight, I'm taking Patrick Mahomes to throw more than 320 passing yards, Derrick Henry to rush less than 85 yards, and Cooper Cup to score more than 0.5 touchdowns, and Tyreek Hill to catch less than 3.5 passes.

Speaker 33 All the more amazing because I don't think football season started yet. But, Jim, those are my thoughts.
What are yours?

Speaker 34 Wait a minute. What the hell? Now, the folks at Prize Picks, they're our new sponsor.
Yes.

Speaker 34 And you said the fans, the members of the Cult of Cornette, the listeners, they can play games and make money by doing prize picks.

Speaker 33 Did I say that?

Speaker 34 Well, that's what we said when I first heard about this.

Speaker 34 But then I got some of the promotional information,

Speaker 34 and it requires a knowledge of professional sports of other kind besides wrestling that I don't necessarily possess. And it also

Speaker 34 requires some knowledge of

Speaker 34 fantasy sports entries and projections and things. I'm not familiar with all the verbiage.
So, can you explain this to me and to the people?

Speaker 34 I know you just gave the sample,

Speaker 34 but I don't know who all those people are.

Speaker 33 Well, of course, we want to remind everyone: PrizePicks has an app, and you go to prizepicks.com as well. But, Jim, let me ask you: what do you love about their games and format? Is it easy to play?

Speaker 33 I don't know. What current entries do you have?

Speaker 34 What is an entry?

Speaker 33 How much have you won?

Speaker 34 what am i entering i haven't started playing yet that's what i'm asking you but you'd be winning if you just started playing just start playing and winning but how do you play come on just play go to you go to prizepics.com that's that's prize like prize p-r-i-z-e and picks p-i-c-k-s

Speaker 34 prize picks.com

Speaker 34 And you sign up and you play the daily fantasy sports, right?

Speaker 33 Or the app. That's what you do.

Speaker 33 They have an app. What's an app?

Speaker 34 How do you use an app?

Speaker 33 Now, you don't have a smartphone for any of the new listeners wondering why you would ask this question and ask.

Speaker 34 Can I get an app on my computer?

Speaker 33 Actually, you can, depending on the computer you have.

Speaker 34 It's got a dot-com here. That's what I usually use the computer for is the stuff with the dot-com.
Right.

Speaker 33 The dot-com is the actual website. That's the location you can go to on your computer.
Let's say you had a smartphone and you just wanted to go to PrizePicks and just start playing games right away.

Speaker 33 You would go to your home screen on your computer and find the little icon for prize picks and you'd click that and it would take you there.

Speaker 33 Not needing to go to a website, going directly to them. That's the app.

Speaker 34 Well, how does the little prize picks thing get on the screen

Speaker 34 for prize picks.com? Does somebody put it there? Do they infiltrate your computer?

Speaker 33 You would download it from wherever you get your apps. If you were on an Apple.

Speaker 33 I've never gotten an app.

Speaker 33 You would ask your caretaker to use your smartphone and find a place where they have apps.

Speaker 34 All right, well, let's back up. We're going to win some money here.
And I understand from the people at PrizePicks

Speaker 34 that first-time users can receive a 100% instant deposit match up to $100 with the promo code JC.

Speaker 34 So that means now I can figure this JCE. JCE.

Speaker 33 Let's get the

Speaker 34 promo code JCE.

Speaker 34 I just did JCE.

Speaker 34 That's what I did there.

Speaker 34 I elongated that. CE.

Speaker 34 But now, so understand that if you deposit $100, then they give you another $100. If you deposit $50, they give you another $50.
They're giving you all this money.

Speaker 34 And then you do what with it?

Speaker 34 They've got the daily fantasy stuff that all the other sports people do, but you can... You can win up to multiple times your money.

Speaker 34 I think it says you can win up to 10 times your money on any of the entries in these things.

Speaker 33 Well, of course, Jim, Jim, it's very easy to understand.

Speaker 33 You can pick two to five players, and if they will go score more or less than their prize pick projection, prize picks projection, you can win up to 10 times your money on any entry.

Speaker 33 And there's no competing against other people. It's just you versus the projections.

Speaker 33 That's easy.

Speaker 34 It's easy to understand. They offer projections on any sport.
NFL, NBA, MLB, NHL, PGA, college football, men's college football, basketball, women's college basketball.

Speaker 34 Do they have women's college football? Women's college basketball, soccer, WNBA, esports, NASCAR, tennis, MMA boxing, disc golf,

Speaker 33 basketball, cricket.

Speaker 33 One of these things is not like the others, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 34 If you have a sudden compulsion to bet on disc golf, ladies and gentlemen,

Speaker 34 now wait a minute.

Speaker 34 These are not bets. They're entries.

Speaker 33 They're entries. And of course, entries can be made in 60 seconds or less.

Speaker 34 I wouldn't really even need 60 seconds to make this entry.

Speaker 34 And you can make safe and fast withdrawals from where of what? We're not sure. But this is currently operational.
in over 30 states and Canada.

Speaker 34 So apparently they're following the marijuana legalization.

Speaker 34 But right now, what you need to do,

Speaker 34 after we've explained this so clearly and concisely, if you have any questions, you need to download that PrizePicks app wherever the apps come from or go to prizepics.com and you can sign up and play the daily fantasy sports.

Speaker 34 And first-time users, 100% instant deposit match up to $100 with the promo code JCE,

Speaker 34 not JCE.

Speaker 34 And if you deposit $100, PrizePicks gives you $100. If you deposit $50, they'll give you $50.

Speaker 34 We got to figure out some way to work this system where you deposit 50, they give you 100, but I'm not sure right now. We're still, they're a new sponsor, folks.

Speaker 34 It'll take us a couple of weeks to figure out how to screw them. But don't forget to enter the promo code JCE at your signup for an instant deposit match of up to $100.

Speaker 34 And then go crazy on the sports. You'll make some money.
You can win

Speaker 34 up to 10 times your money on any entry,

Speaker 34 but some plates do go down in value. So we're not guaranteeing anything.

Speaker 34 It's, you know, I tell you, Brian,

Speaker 34 sometimes it just makes me want to just take a cross-country trip, just get in my car and just drive.

Speaker 33 I'm supposed to do that.

Speaker 34 Just drive away from humans, away from wrestling, wrestling, away from the

Speaker 34 hustle, the huddle, the hustle and bustle of life, and just get in my car and just drive down the road. Maybe go out Route 66, something like that.
Get my kicks on Route 66.

Speaker 34 The problem, you know, I'd have. No.

Speaker 34 As soon as I'd get in the car, I'd drive. 60 miles down the road and I'd blow a Framostat

Speaker 34 or something like that. And I'd have to fix my car.
But fortunately, fortunately, folks, we know where you go in order to fix your car, no matter what's wrong with it, our friends at rockauto.com.

Speaker 34 Now, just say, for example, a guy walked in. Actually, he didn't walk in the other day because they don't have a brick and mortar store.
We've mentioned this.

Speaker 34 They're out in the South Seas on an island.

Speaker 33 No, they're not.

Speaker 34 Glass and plastic. That's not true.
Well, you can't fix a car with brick and mortars. We've mentioned that.
The mortar clogs up the fuel lines. But also,

Speaker 34 this guy, he didn't walk in, like I said, because they're not brick and mortar, but he went to the website rockauto.com.

Speaker 34 And he had a common problem, something that people have all the time. You know, your crankcase for the oil, right?

Speaker 34 The crankcase in his car had peanut oil in it. But fortunately, rockauto.com carries popcorn and chicken fingers.

Speaker 33 Oh, come on.

Speaker 34 So it all worked out in the end.

Speaker 33 No, they don't.

Speaker 34 I thought they had everything your car or truck would ever need.

Speaker 33 I don't believe your car truck needs popcorn or chicken fingers.

Speaker 34 I have eaten chicken fingers in my car on hundreds of occasions.

Speaker 33 You need the chicken fingers. Your car doesn't need the chicken fingers.

Speaker 34 Well, the car needs them if I'm going to eat them in the car.

Speaker 34 And folks, regardless of what you want to eat in your car, rockauto.com,

Speaker 34 if they don't carry the food, they'll at least carry some implements you can set it on fire with. There's a lot of things at rockauto.com that are flammable.

Speaker 34 And whether you can set them on fire or they just catch on fire naturally, sometimes they explode just right out. But they've got all kinds of stuff.

Speaker 34 If you want to find some shit that you can blow that

Speaker 33 stuff with. See, this is the problem.
I took a bite of something and I couldn't interrupt you to stop you as you started building up whatever it is you're doing here.

Speaker 34 Am I lying? There's There's a lot of things that are explosive or flammable on the rockauto.com website.

Speaker 33 Well, technically, you're probably correct, but that's not the way to look at these fine auto parts at the fine prices that they are sold at to the fine people over at rockauto.com.

Speaker 33 Correct?

Speaker 34 I don't know. I lost the way.

Speaker 34 I lost the way you phrased that, so I don't know whether to answer it yes or no, but I'll tell you what, folks, whether it's engine control modules, brake parts, tail lamps, motor oil, sticks of dynamite, hand grenades, or just flammable liquids of every kind and type.

Speaker 34 They've got thin flammable liquid. They have thick, viscous flammable liquid.

Speaker 34 They got stuff you can set fire to, and it'll turn all kinds of colors.

Speaker 33 When Jim talks about setting fire, he's talking about starting your engine, igniting the engine, and of course, the fuse that will propel your car.

Speaker 33 Nothing nefarious, nothing scary, nothing to be afraid of. The usual combustion that propels you along your day.

Speaker 34 Yes, it's an internal combustion engine. So every time that you start the engine, something technically does blow up.

Speaker 34 It explodes and that ignites the whole thing. So the trick is to try to keep the explosion beneath the hood of your car or truck instead of having it come and break the boundaries of that.

Speaker 34 And then fireballs begin leaping up in the air.

Speaker 34 And then, you know, but rockauto.com does carry fire extinguishers and foaming type of apparatuses and things, blankets that you can throw over a fire.

Speaker 34 So,

Speaker 34 folks, when you get the part for your car or truck from rockauto.com, also remember to get some fire retardant clothing and some foam and a fire extinguisher just in case.

Speaker 34 So, when you combust all these elements,

Speaker 34 You know, you got to think about safety. But anyway, they've got an amazing selection, reliably low prices, all the parts your car or truck will ever need.

Speaker 34 And you can go to rockauto.com right now and write JCE in their How Did You Hear About Us box.

Speaker 34 And that way they'll know that we're the ones that have been talking about all of the explosive items that you can buy from rockauto.com.

Speaker 34 The catalog is unique and remarkably easy to navigate.

Speaker 33 Yes, it is.

Speaker 34 So again, whatever you need, don't pay the prices of the chain stores and the brick and mortar shops. If you want to blow up your car truck or set something on fire.

Speaker 33 No, that's not what we're going to say. And that's not how we're going to sell this.

Speaker 33 Of course, if you want to help your car, fix up your car, repair your car, or maybe get a car part for someone you love, this is a wonderful service to use.

Speaker 34 Or if you want to put someone that you used to love, but you don't anymore, into one of these cars and stick a wrong part in it where when they started it up, well, you never know what could happen.

Speaker 33 Why do you always look on the

Speaker 33 not on the bright side of things? What would you say? On the wrong side of things? On the shady side. On the shady side.
Let's be positive.

Speaker 33 Rock auto is going to rock everyone's world with their auto parts.

Speaker 34 Boy, expeditions blow up sky high. That'll rock your world.
But I'll tell you, my God. One way or another, these people are going to fix up your car.
And

Speaker 34 that's just the last word on that. Rockauto.com.
JCE and the How Did You Hear About Us box while you still have the chance. Before they hear this spot.

Speaker 33 They need some help right now. I mean, they've always needed help, but especially right now, it just feels...

Speaker 34 I don't know. Who do you think they should call for help?

Speaker 33 How about the fine people in Magic Spoon?

Speaker 34 Well, I'll tell you.

Speaker 34 That's right. Breakfast will solve anything, folks.
I'll tell you what. If you've got bad creative on your television show, you know the reason for that.
Poor breakfast choices.

Speaker 34 You're eating some kind of grease or fat or sodium or carbohydrates or

Speaker 34 keto. You're eating some of that keto stuff.

Speaker 33 You don't need to eat any of that stuff.

Speaker 34 What you need to do is get up every, what are you laughing at?

Speaker 33 Just your understanding of nutrition is fantastic.

Speaker 34 Yeah, well, my understanding of nutrition is don't eat the bad stuff, eat the good stuff.

Speaker 34 You see, I used to think that if you ate grease for breakfast, that it would lube your blood up and it would run through your veins quicker

Speaker 34 and you'd be healthier. But I hear now that there's conflicting reports on that from the latest research.

Speaker 33 I don't think there's conflict.

Speaker 34 Well, it's conflicting with what I thought, so that's conflict.

Speaker 34 But folks, if you want to wake up early in the morning when the rooster crows or the cock yells or whatever you wake up with in the morning in your hand, and

Speaker 34 you want to greet the day, You want to say, hello, day.

Speaker 34 And then you want to sit down at your breakfast table and look out the window at the birds chirping and the chipmunks playing. Or if you live in the inner city,

Speaker 34 the junkies screwing in a dumpster and the homeless people harassing people for change.

Speaker 34 You look at and you look down and in front of you is a big old bowl of the healthiest, best tasting cereal that you'll ever shove into your mouth. And that's Magic Spoon.

Speaker 34 i'm telling you and when you start chewing it the flavor explosion in your mouth holy jumping shitballs your tongue's going to slap your brains out because it tastes so good and normally with that

Speaker 34 you know that sugar and junk and carb infested cereal you really have to hold your nose to eat it because you know how bad it is for you know with every bite of that stuff, you're killing yourself.

Speaker 34 You're killing yourself, Brian. You're punishing yourself.
I'm not. poisoning yourself.
I'm not. Well, anytime you take a bite of that bad cereal, that's what you're doing.

Speaker 34 You're killing yourself, and you can't believe it. You're killing yourself.

Speaker 33 Stop saying that. I'm not.
I'm eating Magic Spoon.

Speaker 34 Well, that's what you should be doing if you want to live. If you want to live, people, and I'm telling you right now, life is worth living.
And life is for the living.

Speaker 34 You can't enjoy life if you're fucking dead.

Speaker 34 And if you eat Magic Spoon, you look down, you see that bowl of Magic Spoon, the zero grams of sugar, 13 to 14 grams of protein, only four to five net grams of carbs in each serving. It's low carb.

Speaker 34 It's keto-friendly. That means it's a friend to all you ketos out there.

Speaker 34 And katos, too. Keto? It's gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, and only 140 calories of serving.
That's what you need to be looking for in that bowl.

Speaker 34 And once you eat that bowl, I'll tell you what, it makes your other bowls in your house more pleasant, too.

Speaker 34 You change from big old sausage links smothered in gravy and fucking cat's head biscuits and you go to this magic spoon, your bowl will look better.

Speaker 34 And I'll tell you what, your underwear will thank you.

Speaker 33 Stop watching. And right now,

Speaker 34 you can go to Magic Spoon.

Speaker 34 I'm just saying it's going to make your whole house will be a more pleasant atmosphere, a more pleasant environment to live in.

Speaker 34 and to play in and to work in, whatever you do in your house, and to sleep in and eat breakfast in.

Speaker 33 It's delicious and healthy, if that's what you mean. Yes,

Speaker 33 yes.

Speaker 34 It's delicious and healthy and the aroma will be better every morning after you evacuate.

Speaker 34 Go to magic spoon.com/slash Jim and grab that custom bundle of cereal and try the magic for yourself and take a big old sniff afterwards and see if I'm not telling you the truth.

Speaker 34 If you use the promo code Jim at checkout, you'll save $5 off your order. And of course, the build your own box has the huge variety of appealing flavors.

Speaker 34 You got the classics like cocoa, fruity, frosted, and peanut butter. You got the cult favorites.
See what I did there? The cult of cornet. These are their favorites.

Speaker 34 Blueberry muffin, maple waffle, honey nut. And then the indulgences, the indulgences,

Speaker 34 like cookies and cream and cinnamon roll.

Speaker 34 Just stick your hand in a big old bowl of cinnamon roll and shove it in your face. You don't even need milk.
Sometimes I don't even pour Sprite Zero over my cereal anymore.

Speaker 34 I just eat it by the handful.

Speaker 33 Oh, please say you don't really do that.

Speaker 34 What?

Speaker 34 It's tasty. And see, there's no sugar nor ketos and things and such of that nature in Sprite Zero-eat also.
And I'm looking right now at the label no glutens.

Speaker 34 So there you go.

Speaker 33 Hey,

Speaker 33 huh? Hey,

Speaker 33 this is the time to ask you. Did you see the news recently that Sprite's getting rid of the green bottles?

Speaker 34 Yeah, well, that's okay because Sprite Zero is in white bottles with green lettering.

Speaker 34 MagicSpoon.com slash Jim, use the code Jim to save $5 off at checkout. And remember the 100% happiness guarantee.
You can call Magic Spoon up and say, I'm not happy. They'll send you some money.

Speaker 34 You don't even have to have bought the cereal first.

Speaker 33 Yes, you do. It's 100% happiness guarantee.
You have to have bought the cereal first. Let's clarify.

Speaker 34 Well, if 100%, that means 100% of the people have to buy the cereal for 100% of the people to be happy. I thought they were making 100% of the people happy by sending them money.

Speaker 34 It says if you don't like it for any reason, they'll refund your money, no questions asked.

Speaker 33 Once you purchase it,

Speaker 34 it would indicate that you've given them money first. I thought they were just going to pay you off if you weren't happy about something.

Speaker 33 They don't have to do payoffs because it's delicious and nutritious.

Speaker 34 Well, if you don't like the results of your latest baseball game or if you're not happy with the color that your wife picked for the living room couch, then call Magic Spoon, see if they'll send you some money anyway, because they do have 100% happiness guarantee.

Speaker 34 They want people to be happy. Happiness is the key.

Speaker 33 That's right, with their cereal.

Speaker 34 MagicSpoon.com slash Jim, code Jim, $5.

Speaker 34 Happy.

Speaker 33 That's right. It's a magical cereal.
Some would say a magical package. And speaking of packages.

Speaker 34 You know, that's the thing is it's a magical cereal, but I've heard of, well, beans, the magical fruit

Speaker 34 they're good for your heart i've heard so now you got magical fruit magical cereal is there a magical meat who has magic meat brian

Speaker 34 i have no idea do you have an answer for this are you asking rhetorical no i'm i it just i'm can you bring up who's gave if if magic spoon is the magic cereal

Speaker 34 And we have all these other magic, is there a magic meat?

Speaker 33 I think that was Robert Fuller's nickname in a few territories that's right oh robert magic meat fuller all right you think lex luger can get a good night's sleep

Speaker 34 well it depends now because you know getting a good night's sleep it's all what you do see we've talked about lex he unfortunately went down the pharmaceutical path and that's not good everybody knows that's not good you don't want to do that You want all natural ingredients that make you fall asleep.

Speaker 34 You want all natural ingredients to take care of your health, right? That's what our friends at BEAM are doing

Speaker 34 because

Speaker 34 poor sleep can cause weight gain, mood issues, poor mental health, and lower productivity.

Speaker 34 And if you sleep less than six to seven hours a night, some of you, if you sleep less than 14 to 16 hours a night, you could have reduced white blood cell count.

Speaker 34 And if you got reduced white blood cell count, well, the next time you go to give blood, they're going to turn you away. They're going to say, we don't want your blood.
Your blood is shit.

Speaker 34 As a matter of fact, we should report you for the quality of your blood. You don't want that to happen.
You do not want to be reported to the authorities because of the quality of your blood. So

Speaker 34 you got to hop on the Beam Dream Powder. Beam is the world's most innovative, functional wellness brand with unique products for everything from sleep to recovery and

Speaker 34 their best-selling item, of course, the Dream Powder, the incredibly healthy hot cocoa that gives you a refreshing good night's sleep and makes you feel like a new man or a new woman.

Speaker 34 Depending on what you've got now,

Speaker 34 if you've got an old man now, you might feel like a new man. If you've got an old woman now, you might feel like a new one.
But it'll make you feel like something, this dream powder. I guess.

Speaker 34 Because as we know, Statistically, 98% of people surveyed fall asleep faster when taking Beam Dream, and 99% of people experience better sleep quality. And as a matter of fact, the other 1%,

Speaker 34 the other 1% often wake up able to hear colors. Now, all you got to do is just take some of the beam dream powder and mix it into hot water or milk.
Milk gives it a little more body.

Speaker 34 You stir this up and enjoy it before bedtime. or before anytime.
Actually, if you just want to go to sleep, let's say you want to go to sleep before lunch. Take a little nap before lunch.

Speaker 34 Well, you take a sip of the beam. Boom, instantly, your face falls in the chili and you're breaking the crackers.

Speaker 34 Let's say you want to, we've mentioned you can sleep off jail sentences with this stuff. It's much better to be asleep when you're in jail than it is awake.

Speaker 34 So whatever you want to sleep through, folks, possibly relations with your better half if things are not going well.

Speaker 34 Swig a little bit of this in the bathroom beforehand, and she'll think the snoring is just groans and moans of pleasure how about just how about just take it when you're ready to go to sleep that's what i said when you need to go to sleep take some of this

Speaker 34 just fire it right down your gullet and for a limited time only now

Speaker 34 you can get twenty dollars off when you go to shop beam that's b e a m shopbeam.com slash jce use the code jce at checkout and you're going to save twenty dollars off and if you don't love it get your money back guaranteed.

Speaker 34 It's another one of these deals where they're putting their faith in you as an honest consumer to give them an honest and valuable appraisal of their product so that they'll know that the customers are satisfied.

Speaker 34 Now, if you try to put something over on them, We're not going to be happy and they're not going to be happy.

Speaker 34 What kind of ingrate you are that you order this stuff, you pay for it, they send it to you, you try it out, and then you say, Well, I don't like it. Well, what the hell's the matter with you?

Speaker 34 And then they've got to send you your money back. You're being a pain in the ass, but they'll do it.

Speaker 34 Guaranteed. Well, you won't.
Stop beam. What?

Speaker 33 They won't need to do it because you'll actually enjoy or like using or you'll get some benefits out of beam.

Speaker 34 Well, of course you will, but some people lie. See, they want to get over on somebody.
What they do is they get the beam and they try the beam and they have a great night's sleep.

Speaker 34 And then they say, I can get my money back now that I've had a good night's sleep, overlooking the fact that if they kept the beam, they could get multiple more good nights' sleep. But no,

Speaker 34 they just want to be greedy and they want to pass something by somebody and get something over on somebody.

Speaker 34 So if you're going to be a little prick, you can ask for your money back and they'll give it to you guaranteed. But

Speaker 34 they've already given you $20 off with the code JCE at checkout, shopbeam.com slash JCE. Use that code JCE at checkout.
$20.

Speaker 34 That's $20 they won't be sending you back.

Speaker 34 Beam.

Speaker 33 Well, good luck selling cars, I think, is what Jim is trying to say here. And of course, John Warrenitis may just have more time.

Speaker 34 He sold cars. He sold bars.
And now here he is.

Speaker 33 And here we are. And of course, John Juanitas.

Speaker 34 You're getting your transition there. Maybe this will be a good one.

Speaker 33 He may have more time time now to play around on the internet and surf the web. And

Speaker 33 that's better. Of course, we want to tell Jim about it.
We don't want to tell Jim. Jim, we want to tell the listeners about a brand new sponsor here on the show this week.

Speaker 34 What are you fucking saying? What are you doing? I'll tell you what.

Speaker 34 You know, this is perfect for John Laurinitis because, ladies and gentlemen, are you doing some shit you don't want anybody to find out about?

Speaker 34 Well, you don't have to pay millions of dollars. You don't have to sign non-disclosure agreements.
All you got to do is just visit expressvpn.com.

Speaker 34 Because I know you know that I didn't know this, Brian, but I don't know if you didn't know that I didn't know you didn't know this. Do you know this? Most of you might not know this.

Speaker 34 Apparently, your internet service provider or ISP for short,

Speaker 34 they know every single website that you visit in the course of your day and or night. They can tell, they can see every single website you visit.
Did you know that?

Speaker 33 Yeah, I guess so.

Speaker 34 Well, that seems like an invasion of privacy. And I know most of you are probably thinking, I would have thought this if I'd ever known anything about any of this at all.

Speaker 34 There's a thing called incognito mode.

Speaker 34 Did you know that? Where you actually,

Speaker 34 well, you take a, apparently, a tan or beige-colored raincoat, a pair of sunglasses, and a fedora, and you wrap it around your computer screen. So your computer will be incognito.

Speaker 33 That's not exactly how it works.

Speaker 34 Nobody will be able to see what sites you're visiting because the raincoat is wrapped around the screen. Well, that's incognito mode.
But apparently, that doesn't work because the ISPs,

Speaker 34 like the FBI, the CIA, and the ISPs, they can still see what you're doing on your computer. Every website you've, they call it a browsing history.

Speaker 34 Apparently, you can clear that, but it still doesn't work because the ISPs are in the walls of your home.

Speaker 33 Well, no, no, they're not in the walls of home.

Speaker 34 They are in the walls. The ISPs are in the walls of your home.
Look in the back of your computer. Is something plugged into it?

Speaker 33 Of course.

Speaker 33 Of course, there's something plugged into my computer. Yes.
Okay.

Speaker 34 The thing that's plugged in the back of your computer, where's it going to? What's it running into?

Speaker 33 Which cord?

Speaker 34 The cord that plugs the computer into the wall.

Speaker 33 It's plugging into the outlet in the wall.

Speaker 34 Yes, and the ISPs are in your wall. That's what I just said.

Speaker 33 Oh, my God.

Speaker 34 And that's why they know everything that you're doing. They can hear everything you say.
They can see all the sites you visit. And I mean, some of you, you may be going to sites like St.

Speaker 34 Jude's Children's Research or, you know, a veterans administration charity, but some of you may be watching the director's cut of Dumbo Does It Donkey Style.

Speaker 34 And you don't want other people in the house or other people that you may do business with or, I don't know, escort service girls you may call to come over.

Speaker 34 You don't want them to know what you're doing.

Speaker 33 You don't want them to know about what you're doing with St. Jude's, not the other way around?

Speaker 34 Well, that's exactly right. You'll get a reputation as some kind of goddamn charitable saint.

Speaker 34 People need to know that there's some unsavory aspects to you also, so you'll look human. So that's why you've got to have security.
It doesn't matter who your ISP is.

Speaker 34 Like I said, they're in the walls. As a matter of fact, some of them, some of them have planted transmitters in people's teeth.
That's why they're invented.

Speaker 33 That's completely not true. Do you know what ISP stands for?

Speaker 34 Yes, I just read it. Internet service provider, ISP.
They're in your walls, and also there are transmitters in some people's teeth. That's why they invented dentists.

Speaker 34 They wanted to keep track of those people. So they put transmitters in their teeth.

Speaker 33 Will you stop?

Speaker 33 Are you aware?

Speaker 34 No, are you aware that these ISPs that are doing this snooping,

Speaker 34 all this, all this, looking at you and keeping track of you and eavesdropping on you? They can legally sell your information to advertising companies.

Speaker 34 So let's say, for example, you've watched 75 German Bukaki flicks in the last two days. An advertising company is going to try to sell you, I don't know, Vaseline and Kleenex.

Speaker 34 So

Speaker 34 they get you, right? They get the inside information on what you need and then they prey on you. But Express VPN is an app.

Speaker 34 that reroutes your internet connection through their secure servers so your ISP doesn't know what you're doing, can't see those sites. They think actually

Speaker 34 what you're doing, they confuse the disguise the whole thing.

Speaker 34 So your ISP thinks that they're eavesdropping on NASA. And they immediately, they jump back and they get scared at that because they don't want to get the federal government mad.

Speaker 33 Yeah, let's not joke about that. There's nothing with spying and any federal agencies involved in this.

Speaker 34 Well, they're not involved. They're trying to crack down on this stuff because, you know, this is a security risk.

Speaker 34 Because if you can just hack into NASA, well, then you could, you could send your own self to the moon. Express VPN.

Speaker 33 No, you couldn't. You'd still need a rocket.

Speaker 34 Well, no, you could launch yourself. If you hacked into the launch button,

Speaker 34 you would, well, I guess you would have to go and hop on the rocket.

Speaker 34 Express VPN keeps all your information secure by encrypting 100% of your data with the most powerful encryption available.

Speaker 34 Remember, as a matter of fact, the only people to be able to get into this stuff are going to be the people at Graduated Code Academy because they know what all the codes are.

Speaker 34 Because by the time ExpressVPN finishes encrypting this stuff, this data, you're not going to know what the fuck it says. Nobody's going to be able to get to the bottom of this.

Speaker 34 They're going to scramble this shit like eggs in a blender. And you're not going to ever know what the fuck this says by the time they get finished with it.

Speaker 34 And nobody will be able to prove that you were involved.

Speaker 33 What if you have a decoder ring?

Speaker 33 What?

Speaker 33 Oh shit.

Speaker 34 Wait a minute. Oh, oh, hold on here.
I'm reading further. Also, Express VPN is not crackable by decoder rings.

Speaker 34 Decoder rings does not work on Express VPN.

Speaker 33 What about decoder colours?

Speaker 34 It runs seamlessly in the background.

Speaker 34 Actually, you just stick this in your pocket. You don't have to sew it in.
It runs seamlessly.

Speaker 34 You just stick it in your back pocket and you'll barely even, every once in a while, it'll give you a little shock, but otherwise you don't know it's there.

Speaker 34 Express VPN is available on all your devices, your phones, your computers, even your smart TV.

Speaker 34 I tried to get one of those smart TVs, but it made me uncomfortable when I was watching the news and they were speaking specifically to me by name.

Speaker 34 They got way too smart for their own good. And so, and also, that's another thing.
You use Express VPN, the broadcasting companies, the television stations, they won't be able to know where you are.

Speaker 34 See, right now, they can tell if you're watching their TV station, your address and phone number pops up at their headquarters.

Speaker 33 I believe it works like that.

Speaker 34 No, if you get Express VPN, then Fox 41, when they're doing their afternoon news, they'll think that they've got some guy named Hung Chin Lo in Taiwan watching instead of Ben and Joe in Shively.

Speaker 34 So, right now,

Speaker 34 if you want to make sure that people don't know what you're doing, whether you're trying to, I don't know, spy in some type of international espionage or whether you're attempting to take over the world or possibly engage in some kind of activity that we don't want to have previous knowledge of, and you want to hide your identity and your

Speaker 34 the websites that you visit and your browsing history, as they say it, go to Express VPN.

Speaker 34 They will give you a brand new identity. They'll give you a new driver's license card.
They'll

Speaker 33 promise things like that. That's not how it works.

Speaker 34 Well, they said they would, you know, they wouldn't. Well, I guess it's just about your information on the internet, right? That's right.
That's right.

Speaker 34 But companies won't get this information to try to sell you things.

Speaker 33 Right. And you won't need and you won't be receiving a new

Speaker 33 identity or identification.

Speaker 34 If you watch a lot of porn on the internet and every day some company is sending a hooker to your front door, if you get express VPN, the hookers will stop coming to your front door.

Speaker 34 That's not really a reason to get express VPN.

Speaker 33 Yeah, I don't know what you're saying anymore. Yes or no?

Speaker 34 If you get Express VPN, more hookers will come to your door. That's what we're trying to tell people, right?

Speaker 33 No,

Speaker 33 no, that's not a selling point. If you get Express VPN, women, you don't have to pay, but like you will show up to your door.
We'll probably be

Speaker 33 a better selling point.

Speaker 34 Right now, go to Express. That's EXPRESS, expressvpn.com slash J-C-E,

Speaker 34 and you can get an extra three months free on a one-year package and more women that you don't know that would like to have sexual relations with you coming to your door.

Speaker 33 No, you don't, you can't promise that. That is not in any way part of the stipulation here.

Speaker 34 I'm not promising. It's not guaranteed, but wink, wink, you know, that kind of woman on the internet, anything might happen.
Express VPN.

Speaker 34 Express VPN.

Speaker 34 You're drowning out the plug. Expressvpn.com slash JCE three months free on a one-year package.
You'll be completely anonymous. Nobody will know what you're doing.

Speaker 34 You'll be able to get away with anything. They'll cover for you.

Speaker 33 Well, let's not put it that way. You can just live live a normal life without worrying about someone watching what you're doing, but you should still do normal legal things.

Speaker 34 Well, if you're only doing normal legal things, why do you give a shit if anybody's watching you?

Speaker 33 You may want to watch wrestling in another country.

Speaker 34 Well, there you go. That's right.
It's good for the WWE network, too, right? Because that's still available outside the United States.

Speaker 33 We certainly cannot encourage that.

Speaker 33 However, hypothetically, if a wrestling fan in the States wanted access to something that's only available outside of the states, you can use ExpressVPN to access it.

Speaker 34 But we're not actually telling people to do that, but hypodermically,

Speaker 34 if you wanted to, you could.

Speaker 33 Hyperphallically, that's correct.

Speaker 34 Well,

Speaker 33 then

Speaker 34 I'd, if I were, I'd hyperactively get on that.

Speaker 33 All right, get us out of this, please.

Speaker 34 Expressvpn.com/slash JCE.

Speaker 34 It's good for what ails you.

Speaker 33 Tony made a good offer. It was more than WWE's.
It was for millions. Under 10 million.
We'll find out probably more about the details soon. But as they say in WWE, it was just blowjob money.

Speaker 34 Well, there you go, because they got bigger fish to fry up there.

Speaker 34 I mean, you know, for heaven's sake, they can't be spending millions and millions of dollars on anything related to the business they're in when they can be paying women that have been penetrated in some fashion to go away.

Speaker 34 But, you know, that's the thing, Brian.

Speaker 34 I am shocked and amazed at something else that I've heard over the last week or two. I don't know if

Speaker 34 you're aware of this, but did you know

Speaker 34 that there are actually people out there, not only in the United States today, but in the world, that look up things on their computer that they are reticent. to admit to other people.

Speaker 34 Were you aware of that?

Speaker 33 Yeah, I just had to do it earlier with this anime dating simulation video game controversy.

Speaker 34 Well, see, that was business. We were doing that in a completely legitimate fashion with good intentions and no malevolent forethought.

Speaker 34 And I'm sure that's the way that most people do these things, but you know, but still, apparently.

Speaker 34 Your internet service provider can still see every single website that you visit and have ever visited.

Speaker 34 And that might be awkward.

Speaker 34 I mean, for example, I mean, you could be,

Speaker 34 well, no, seriously, it's no laughing matter.

Speaker 33 Is it not funny to me, motherfucker?

Speaker 34 As Betto said, because here's the thing.

Speaker 34 You could be minding your own business, being a fine, upstanding citizen, but maybe in the evening hours, After dinner, before you tuck your head down to sleep at night, maybe you're engaging in a little international espionage.

Speaker 34 Maybe you're secretly the leader of a black market uranium ring. Maybe you're researching plans to build the nuclear submarines.
Or possibly you're just watching Kenny Olivier's matches with sex toys.

Speaker 34 Regardless, there could be some things,

Speaker 34 even if it's in the line of duty, like we just did, even if it's for business with excellent intentions, there could be some things that you don't want people to know.

Speaker 34 And

Speaker 34 apparently, now this has become a thing that so many people are worried about this, that there is now a service that you can go to where you can muck up everybody's attempts to try to keep an eye on you, especially those internet service providers.

Speaker 34 You know, they're in your walls.

Speaker 33 The internet service providers. They are not in your walls.

Speaker 34 No, you, we established, you even concurred with.

Speaker 33 We did not establish that. No, we did not.

Speaker 34 All right, Brian.

Speaker 34 Who provides your internet service?

Speaker 33 I don't know if I want to commit that answer to tape.

Speaker 34 Okay,

Speaker 34 the company that provides your internet service. Okay.

Speaker 34 Okay, you got a computer there on your desk, right?

Speaker 33 I have a few.

Speaker 34 Okay, you got a few, and there's a cord from the back of the computer plugging into your wall, right?

Speaker 33 There are cords for each computer that plug into the outlet in the wall to give them electricity, correct?

Speaker 34 Yes. And then there's another plug that plugs in and runs a wire to your internet service provider to provide your internet.

Speaker 33 and where does it go it goes into the wall

Speaker 34 and that's where your internet service provider they're in your walls ladies and gentlemen they're keeping an eye on you they're keeping an eye on everything that you do you're gonna scare someone and well you should be scared you should be completely intimidated because these internet service providers not like they're the fbi it's not like they have a duty-bound legal obligation to take care of this information no they can spread your information willy-nilly across anywhere they want to spread it unless you take action.

Speaker 34 And it doesn't matter who your internet service provider is, because in the United States, they can legally sell your information to advertising companies. So,

Speaker 34 for example, you're the leader of a black market uranium ring. You're going to get spammed.

Speaker 33 Don't use that as an example. Come on.

Speaker 34 Well, it's just if something could happen to anybody, you're going to get spammed with dozens of emails trying to sell you low-cost uranium holders.

Speaker 34 Because, you know, it's hard to find something to keep that shit in.

Speaker 34 It's just like when they, you know, the government 20 years ago, they invented a universal solvent that will, on contact, instantly dissolve any material, but they couldn't market it because they couldn't figure out anything to keep it in.

Speaker 34 But anyway.

Speaker 34 So these people at Express VPN,

Speaker 34 what they do is they reroute your internet connection through their secure servers so your ISP can't see the sites you visit.

Speaker 34 So let's say, for example, that you want to order Dumbo Does It Donkey Style

Speaker 34 or

Speaker 34 Claudia Does Cleveland. And

Speaker 34 it'll scramble. It'll scramble that where they think, actually, where they'll think you're going is to a children's charity to give money to innocent, deformed children

Speaker 34 that were victimized by napalm in Korea.

Speaker 33 That's not how it works, so don't promise me.

Speaker 34 It'll show that up right there.

Speaker 33 No, it'll show nothing. It will show nothing, not a fake visit to a website.

Speaker 34 It'll just disappear, ladies and gentlemen. If you go to ExpressVPN right now, they can make your ass disappear.

Speaker 34 If you've got people looking for you and they're getting a little too close, you go to ExpressVPN, poof, you're gone.

Speaker 34 They keep all your information secure by encrypting 100% of your data with the most powerful encryption that is available.

Speaker 34 This encryption is so strong, by the time they finish with your data, there's not a soul on earth that's going to know what the fuck it says.

Speaker 34 And most of the time, you will not even realize that you have ExpressVPN on because it runs seamlessly in the background. All you got to do is tap one button and you're protected.

Speaker 34 And the only way you're ever going to know that's even running is every once in a while when the government tries to keep an eye on what you're doing and checks in daily as they do, then instantly a burst of fire will come out of the back of the computer indicating that ExpressVPN has incinerated the threat to your privacy.

Speaker 33 That's not how it works.

Speaker 34 That's right. Well, I say it.

Speaker 33 You can't say that. It's not how it works.
You can't promise people these things are fire.

Speaker 34 I threw half a sprite on it and it was fine.

Speaker 34 But Express VPN will keep all your devices, your phones, your computers, your smart TVs, your plug-in vibrators, all of them will be protected so nobody knows where you're going, what you're doing, what you're saying, who you're talking to, or what you're planning.

Speaker 34 Most importantly, you can protect your very legal but highly suspicious online activity today with the VPN rated number one by Business Insider. Visit my exclusive link.

Speaker 34 See, they're keeping track of me though. Now, here's the thing.
Since

Speaker 34 I'm a customer and I'm also the guy that's advertising this, I have an exclusive link at a company that will make all of your links disguised so nobody can tell the links that you go to.

Speaker 34 But I'm telling you to go to this link. We're caught in, what is that, a vortex or a whirlpool? What is that we're caught in? We're caught in.

Speaker 33 I don't know what you're caught in. I feel like I'm caught in something completely different.

Speaker 34 Well, that's because the Express VPN people have changed it to disguise it. So we don't know what we're doing.

Speaker 33 They changed what? What have they changed?

Speaker 34 They changed everything. It'll never be the same again, folks.

Speaker 34 Visit my exclusive link on this thing, expressvpn.com slash JCE, and you'll get an extra three months free on a one-year package. What is a one-year package?

Speaker 34 I don't know because they've disguised it and changed it. It's not what it appeared to be.
I thought I knew where to go for it, but suddenly it wasn't there anymore and they sent me to Iceland.

Speaker 33 That's maybe what works at all.

Speaker 34 If you want to be relocated to someplace where nobody knows where you are and they can't tell what you're doing, go to expressvpn.com slash JCE and get an extra three months free on a one-year package.

Speaker 34 And us know if it works out for you because we won't know where to find you because you're going to be gone gone gone gone express vpn.com slash jce

Speaker 1 where'd you go brian i was passed out here on the bus This isn't just a game, it's a once-in-a-generation event.

Speaker 34 We had a long way to go, but a short time to get there.

Speaker 34 But I'll tell you what, Brian.

Speaker 34 The most enjoyable thing of all of those days,

Speaker 34 besides the paycheck, was when you finally got home. You finally got back

Speaker 34 in your nest, in your box, in your cocoon, and you could lay down and get a good night's sleep. That made it all worthwhile.

Speaker 33 I'll bet.

Speaker 34 I'll bet you'll bet. And as a matter of fact, you know what we would have done?

Speaker 34 We would have slept even better if we had today's modern conveniences and all the luxuries that they have in today's modern world, the miracles of modern science, the space age technology.

Speaker 34 There wasn't a helix mattress back in those days. You know what we had to do, Brian?

Speaker 34 We had to go out in the backyard and we had to take the weed whacker and we had to chop up some grass and some weeds and some dandelions and get a sheet and put it all in the middle of the sheet and then sew a seam down the back.

Speaker 34 And that's what we slept on.

Speaker 33 Really? That's what you did.

Speaker 34 That's what we all slept on back in the 80s.

Speaker 34 You didn't have these modern mattress factories and we had to use rocks for pillows, rocks that we would, or asphalt, pieces of asphalt that we would dig up out of potholes in the street for pillows.

Speaker 34 Because there were no pillow factories,

Speaker 34 there were only workhouses and poor houses and places to send people when they were broken down and beaten up, and at the end of their lives, from sleeping on grass clippings with rocks for pillows.

Speaker 34 But, folks, no more, no more, none of that happens anymore. Because now

Speaker 34 the fine folks at helixleep.com have not only perfected the mattress business, but they're going to let you in on it. And if you've got one of the old 80s mattresses, throw that thing right.

Speaker 34 That's why you got the bad hay fever. Because all those dandelions are 40 years old and they're still stuck in that shitty sheet.

Speaker 34 You got to get a brand new mattress so you can have a good night's sleep. And the folks at Helix Sleep, they've got mattresses based on your unique sleep preferences.

Speaker 34 They don't sell rocks, though, or asphalt. You've got to sleep on mattresses and pillows.

Speaker 34 They've got 14 unique mattresses, a collection of luxury models, a mattress for big and tall sleepers, otherwise fat people,

Speaker 34 and or tall drinks of water,

Speaker 34 and even a mattress made just for kids. The goddamn thing.
It's cuter than a speckled puppy. It's only three feet long, about a foot and a half wide.
You can use it for midgets, too.

Speaker 34 And your personalized mattress is shipped straight to your door free of charge. How do you know it's personalized? Because you go to helixleep.com and you take the quiz.

Speaker 34 They ask you, how do you like sleep on your back, on your side? Do you run hot? Do you run cold? Do you like firm? Do you like soft? How tall are you? How much do you weigh?

Speaker 34 You know, how many people are you going to bring into this thing with you? They want to know if you're going to bring in a crowd.

Speaker 34 Just a few simple facts that they need to go and they will recommend for you.

Speaker 34 Brian, they've done this for you many times as you've gone through various relationships. You had that circus fat lady the one time, you got the big and tall mattress.
What? And then you had

Speaker 34 the skeleton lady from the sideshow and you had that. firm mattress so her bones wouldn't break.
And now you got the whole families. You like the kids and dogs to come in.

Speaker 34 You get one of the big ones and it's firm because it stands up to a lot of abuse.

Speaker 34 but anyway you take that quiz and you pick out the mattress they send it to you and well then you're just sleeping in a in a cloud you're just you're reclining in a on a warm puppy belly it's just it's the greatest thing and they're also american made

Speaker 34 so they're not bringing any dandelions or asphalt from pakistan it's right here in america

Speaker 34 And you get to try it out for 100 nights risk-free.

Speaker 34 And if you don't love it, they will pick it up for for you and give you a full refund and will not even go into any details about what may or may not happen days later when they decide to get even.

Speaker 34 If you don't want to take my word for it, then Helix has been awarded the number one mattress by GQ and Wired magazines.

Speaker 34 Seems like people who are wired would never get to sleep, but nevertheless, they love it. And it's recommended by multiple leading chiropodists and doctors of sleep.

Speaker 33 Chiropractors.

Speaker 34 What does a chiropodist do? There's a chiropodist.

Speaker 33 Is there? I don't know. Yes, there is.
They cut the chirros.

Speaker 34 And the doctors, Slick, the doctor of sleep medicine, has recommended the Helix Sleep mattress also. Right now, folks, I got to read this.

Speaker 34 Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners. And that means you better be listening to us.
We save you money. Go to helixleep.com slash JCE

Speaker 34 because with Helix Sleep, better sleep starts now.

Speaker 34 So get on board with this thing. No more asphalt, yard rocks, and grass clippings.

Speaker 34 Things we used to have to go through in the 80s before they invented all this shit.

Speaker 33 I think there's been some steps in between, but certainly an upgrade would be Helix Sleep and fine mattresses that we endorse here at Last Manor. We like them very much.

Speaker 34 Well, now that you've chimed in with your two cents worth, I guess we've sold sold another 15 or 20,000 of them.

Speaker 34 I should have my own mattress.

Speaker 33 How would you design it? What is your perfect pillow for Jim Cornette?

Speaker 34 Well, hold on. Well, now you're just automatically splitting the subject here.
Your mattresses and pillows are different, but I should have my own mattress because if George Foreman

Speaker 34 made all that money on the Foreman grill, what could I do with the corny mattress?

Speaker 33 Well, first of all.

Speaker 34 And I'll tell you what,

Speaker 34 it would be 10 feet wide and it'd be about seven feet long. And that way, I got plenty of room to turn over and flop around without rolling off the edge.

Speaker 34 You got plenty of room for the dogs to come in and you get some puppy bellies rubbed.

Speaker 34 You got room to bring visitors in if you got company and

Speaker 34 relatives or friends have come in for the weekend or whatever.

Speaker 34 And then the pillows, it can't be like

Speaker 34 those bunches of sawdust like that fucking lunatic right-wing pillow former meth addict sells.

Speaker 34 It's got to be soft and pleasant where your head just kind of is cushioned by it and it envelops the back half of your head without covering up any holes you need to breathe through.

Speaker 34 That's a perfect pillow and a mattress, just like Helix Sleep. That's right.
Speaking of maniacs, as we mentioned, Kevin Owens

Speaker 34 defeated Shorty Gable in that one. You know what, Kevin,

Speaker 34 my old friend Kevin, he's looking in better shape these days, isn't he, Brian?

Speaker 34 Then back in the Ring of Honor days when

Speaker 34 he was fat and out of shape and didn't spend a lot of money on his gear and had random armpit bleeds and wouldn't trim his beard and get a haircut so that he might look like that he didn't spend the night in a viaduct or under an overpass.

Speaker 34 He's come a long way since then. I used to nag him about his weight, but now he's got it under control.
You know what I think the difference is, Brian?

Speaker 33 No.

Speaker 34 I think the difference is back then,

Speaker 34 he was just being told to do what was right and eat what was right, but he wasn't being paid to do those things.

Speaker 34 He wasn't being rewarded for doing those things. They just would have been things that he could do to get ahead and make himself a better human being.

Speaker 34 But when he started getting paid to do these things, then he got in better shape. And then he got better gear and then he trimmed himself up a little bit.

Speaker 34 But you know, the biggest difference is not only getting paid to motivate yourself to do better, but also being able to afford better things.

Speaker 34 And when Steen was back in the Indies, maybe even in Ring of Honor, He was running up and down the roads eating fast food. He was eating processed food.

Speaker 34 He was eating fake food with additives and preservatives. He was eating bad food.
And you know what my mother used to say, I'd rather eat good food than bad food any day.

Speaker 34 Well, that's what happened to Kevin Steen, now Kevin Owens. Once he got off the Indies and he got on the payroll of World Wrestling Entertainment, he could afford good quality food.

Speaker 34 And that's made the entire difference. But you know what? You don't have to work for the WWE to afford good quality food.
You just need to know where to shop for it. And I'll tell you what,

Speaker 34 no more of the gas station microwave cheeseburgers for Kevin Owens. No, sir, no, sir.

Speaker 34 No more of those Dalmatian meat on a stick kebabs at the local drive-through for no, no, no. All Kevin Steen and all exceptional people, all successful people, all they eat now is quality

Speaker 34 beef from Omahasteaks.com. Folks, summer's in full swing.
It's almost swung. But no backyard grillette is complete without the Omaha steaks.

Speaker 34 And you've still got months of good weather before you'll be out there grilling steaks in a parka.

Speaker 34 And if you visit omahasteaks.com and enter the keyword JCE into the search bar right now, They've got a couple of different packages. You're going to love the All-American assortment.

Speaker 34 This package has mouthwatering items from the butcher cut filet mignons to the caramel apple tartlets. I'm talking about entree all the way to dessert.
And

Speaker 34 with the all-American assortment, you get 12 ultra-juicy Omaha steaks burgers free with your order. You can fill up the whole grill just with the food they're going to send you for free.
And folks.

Speaker 34 As this is the all-American assortment, you will get a certificate of authenticity stating that every single one of the cows that were involved in the carnage that produced this beef were born right here in the United States of America.

Speaker 34 Most of them, as a matter of fact, come from Nebraska, from what I'm told.

Speaker 34 Several of them were named, and some of the children that named them were unhappy that they became part of the All-American Assortment Package.

Speaker 33 There are no cows named. I don't know why I have to give that disclaimer, but there are no

Speaker 34 Nebraska.

Speaker 34 A few of them from Oklahoma slipped in, but most are from Nebraska. It's the all-American assortment.

Speaker 33 Originally, or that's where they moved later in life?

Speaker 34 Well, most of these cows were homebodies. They liked to stay close around where

Speaker 34 they were folded or hatched or birthed or popped out or whatever they do. But you get 12 free burgers.
with that package.

Speaker 34 But if that's not what you're looking for, then they've got an option to build your own perfect perfect menu. Again, omahasteaks.com, enter code or keyword JCE in the search bar.

Speaker 34 Build your own perfect menu. Pick out the favorite items out of the options provided and create your own grilling adventure.
And you'll still get 12 free Omaha Steaks.

Speaker 34 But they have gone out of their mind. They have never given away this much free cattle byproduct before.
You can spend endless hours eating dead cow and it won't cost you a thing. 12 free burgers.

Speaker 34 Let's say

Speaker 34 you give yourself two burgers and then, Brian, you have a family of four children and a wife. So let's say you give them

Speaker 34 two burgers to split.

Speaker 33 To split?

Speaker 34 Yeah, to split. Boy, you don't want to lose all your burgers.
So you've got two burgers and you give them two burgers. They can split between the five of them.

Speaker 33 They could have the burgers. I'd rather feed my family and I'll be over here.
I'll just have some coffee or something.

Speaker 34 Oh, you insane lunatic.

Speaker 34 Stuff those burgers down your neck and then give them two and the thing is you've only used four burgers you can do that you can feed the whole family three times on 12 free burgers two for you and two for the rest of the family they'll make out all right

Speaker 34 and again

Speaker 34 all these cows come from america you're not going to have any illegal cattle involved you're not going to have anybody sneaking over the border.

Speaker 34 No, as a matter of fact, the cows in Texas have lined up and they're preventing any illegal border crossings by the Mexican cattle. And everybody knows

Speaker 33 a cattle guard.

Speaker 34 Yeah, the Texas Cattle Guard. Everybody knows they don't have cows in Canada.

Speaker 33 I didn't know that. What if everybody knows they don't have cows in Canada?

Speaker 34 It's too cold. It's too cold.

Speaker 34 It freezes their udders up. They can't give milk.
It comes out like popsicles.

Speaker 33 Well, there have to be cows in Canada. You can't say there are no cows in Canada.

Speaker 34 No, they import import all the fucking, all the

Speaker 34 beef and the milk. They import it from Omahasteaks.com up in Canada.
They're the official Canada beef suppliers and the milk

Speaker 33 and the horns. For the record, we don't know that to be a fact.
Just want to say that they're the official meat supplier of the country of Canada.

Speaker 33 I've heard it. I've heard it rumored.

Speaker 34 I don't know if they want to come out and just advertise that or not because

Speaker 34 there may be issues with the intercontinental north american trade agreement or whatever naphtha whatever it is but nevertheless that's uh that's the thing is and and you know whether you want your meat well done or medium or medium rare rare you know how i like my steak just knock the horns off and bring it out on a leash but whatever you like go to omahasteaks.com today type jce and the keyword that's the key word type it in the search bar fill your freezer with enough cattle byproduct to keep your cookouts going strong all summer long.

Speaker 34 Omahasteaks.com, keyword J-C-E. Boy, what packages.
And boy, these are patriotic cows.

Speaker 34 Well, that was the dramatic close to the all-out pay-per-view, where they are literally all out, all out of ideas, all out of patience, all out of civility.

Speaker 33 No, there are plenty of patients. What's her name?

Speaker 33 Ruby Soho, broker knows. Hell yeah.

Speaker 34 All of the patients on and also

Speaker 34 we didn't even mention that, of course, Adam Cole has still gone somewhere hurt somehow. Kyle O'Reilly's just had surgery.
We're not sure what happened there.

Speaker 34 Basically, anybody that you don't see

Speaker 34 fairly regularly, you've got to assume in this company they're hurt.

Speaker 33 Even if you see them regularly, did you know Christian Cage is like? Yeah, yeah, we didn't know that.

Speaker 34 But

Speaker 34 that finished the pay-per-view.

Speaker 33 Yeah.

Speaker 34 Yes, that finished the pay-per-view. Oh, that finished the pan idea.

Speaker 33 What you said? Yes. That finished the pay-per-view.
And some of us had to stay up a little bit after that and keep following the wrestling news as it happened.

Speaker 33 And we'll talk a little bit more about this press scrum that we played some audio from before.

Speaker 33 But there was a little bit of a break in between the end of the pay-per-view. and the CM Punk celebration.

Speaker 34 What did you do?

Speaker 33 I decided to spend my time waiting for the press scrum listening to some jazz, and I had some good music on, some John Coltrane enjoying the night.

Speaker 33 Not like Tony Khan enjoys the night, but I was enjoying the night.

Speaker 34 Oh,

Speaker 34 you were enjoying the jazz of the night.

Speaker 33 Yes.

Speaker 34 I might have to switch emails for this. You were enjoying the jazz of the night.
How were you enjoying this jazzy jazz?

Speaker 34 Were the neighbors playing it in their living room?

Speaker 33 You had your window open listening? Or did you have it on your Victrola? Oh, come on. I'm not that.

Speaker 34 How were you listening?

Speaker 34 Were you on the AM radio, the transistor radio you have up to your side of your head there, Dobie Gillis?

Speaker 33 I don't have that. Dobie Gillis, come on now.
That show was 1959. What do you compare?

Speaker 34 Well,

Speaker 34 there's modern ways to listen to things. How are you listening to your stuff, your jazz?

Speaker 33 How is Dobie Gillis? Transistor radio. That's not the modern way of listening to things.
I am a modern, modern, modern guy. Maybe some would say postmodern.

Speaker 33 And I listen to everything with my Raycon earbuds.

Speaker 34 I knew that's what you were listening to because you would not have enjoyed that jazzy jazz.

Speaker 34 You wouldn't have jizzed over that jazz had you not been listening to your Raycon everyday wireless earbuds because everything else just sounds like poopy compared to the Raycons.

Speaker 34 They look, feel, and sound better than ever. They've got the optimized gel tips for the perfect in-ear fit.
I'm telling you, you know, The gel comes in a variety of flavors.

Speaker 34 Comes in strawberry, comes in elderberry.

Speaker 33 Come on, don't start. Comes in cherry.
Don't start that. Of course, these are gel that you don't consume.
This is gel that you don't consume. Not these are gel.
This is gel.

Speaker 34 Well, these are for consumers. The consumers buy the Raycon wireless earbuds.
They're consuming the earbuds. They put the gel in their ear.
Yes.

Speaker 34 And then you stick your head in a refrigerator for, what, about three hours, let it set up.

Speaker 33 No, do not change your business.

Speaker 34 And then they sound perfect and they're shaped just like the inside of your own ear.

Speaker 34 Raycons give you eight hours of playtime and a 32-hour battery life, and you get quality audio at half the price of the other premium audio brands.

Speaker 34 It is no wonder, ladies and gentlemen, that Raycon's everyday earbuds have over 50,000 five-star reviews. And that's just from Uncle Dave alone listening to press scrums.
So

Speaker 34 the Raycons, they got three customizable sound profiles, the earbud tap functions. You can tap your earbuds.
You know, I've always wanted to tap a good earbud, and now's your your chance.

Speaker 34 They got the noise isolation mode, the awareness mode. They will not fall out of your head no matter what.
You got to pry these things out.

Speaker 34 We've mentioned the plethora of funeral directors that have been actually having special tools made to pry the Raycon wireless earbuds out of the ears of corpses. They're so comfortable.

Speaker 34 People die with them in there and never even know that they're there.

Speaker 33 They are indeed comfortable. However, we've not previously talked about corpses having to have earbuds pried out of their ears.

Speaker 33 And of course, when you put the Raycon earbuds in your ears, you go, take them out, not even pry, just take them out whenever you want.

Speaker 34 Well, you can, but, you know, if you don't put ears in there, if you don't know how they went in, you know, if you die with the Raycon wireless earbuds in your ears, somebody else is going to have to take them out.

Speaker 34 They may not be as well versed as you are.

Speaker 33 Why are we thinking about that?

Speaker 34 But that's the thing is, well, it's because they're so comfortable, you'll never even remember they're there.

Speaker 34 You'll just go about your daily life for months and even years, and you'll never remember they were there. And sometimes skin even grows over them.
So you're just hearing music naturally.

Speaker 34 You don't even realize you've got any implements in your ears. It's kind of morphed into your own body, but they sound great.

Speaker 34 And right now, you can go to Buy Raycon, that's B-U-Y-R-A-Y-C-O-N by Raycon.com/slash JCE and get 15% off your Raycon order. That is, again, buyraycon.com/slash JCE, 15%

Speaker 34 off everything

Speaker 34 on the entire site just because you listen to us and we love you.

Speaker 34 And I'm telling you right now, you will hear voices in your head. You won't know where this shit's coming from, but it sounds great.

Speaker 33 All the orders, the things that the voices tell you to do. No, I was about to make a correction.

Speaker 33 You will know exactly where what you are listening to is coming from because you will be choosing what you listen to, just like you'll be choosing when to take the earbuds out when you are done for the day yeah

Speaker 34 they can make suggestions though on what you might listen to let's just end it with raycon raycon see it's easy yeah why do you try to get them things out of your ears you can get them out of your ears

Speaker 34 see we gotta end on a positive note with raycon i'm I'm positive you'll have a devil of a time trying to get them things out of your ears.

Speaker 33 Not because

Speaker 34 they fit so well and they're so comfortable,

Speaker 34 you'll never even know. And it it's you know, the old people, when they're in bed for a long period of time, they kind of grow into the couch or the bed or whatever.

Speaker 34 These things grow right into your skull, and then you can j you can turn them on sometimes by sticking your finger in your navel. Nope, none of this works, it turns them right on.

Speaker 33 They work the traditional, new-fashioned kind of way.

Speaker 33 Raycon.

Speaker 33 That's not the promo code, Raycon.

Speaker 34 I just laughed so hard I farted.

Speaker 34 So he's just expressing that he's willing to spend a lot of money in some unknown way to stop the WWE from doing what they're going to be doing to him more often in the future, which is run an opposition, trying to get some of the talent, trying to prevent more talent from going there, trying to prevent

Speaker 34 Tony from getting any foothold he can in any new project,

Speaker 34 in any

Speaker 34 means that they can figure out how to do it. That's just what's going to happen.

Speaker 33 Well, we shall see. But Jim, let me ask you a question.

Speaker 33 Have you ever stopped to wonder why internet access is so much cheaper these days? Why 30 to 40 bucks a month? It's because internet service providers aren't just making money off subscription fees.

Speaker 33 They're also making money from spying on your internet activity and selling your history and data and the data to big tech companies.

Speaker 33 So

Speaker 33 what's the best way to make sure that 100% of your data is encrypted and that your ISP can't get a hold of it?

Speaker 33 I'm asking you.

Speaker 34 Well, I'm going to tell you.

Speaker 34 and I've never wondered why internet access was cheaper these days because these spectrum assholes are charging me double for half the internet that I'm supposed to get.

Speaker 34 But I have heard and do indeed concur and agree with that these internet service providers, the ISPs for short,

Speaker 34 are making more money off of you than they're entitled to. They're spying on your internet activity.
As you mentioned, they're selling your data and your history.

Speaker 34 And, you know, there's a lot of people. Apparently, we come to find out there's a lot of people doing things on their internet connection that they don't want people to know about.

Speaker 34 Now,

Speaker 34 that's where the fine folks at ExpressVPN come in. Now, we've been talking about Express VPN, Brian, and you've straightened me out.
You've clarified a few things.

Speaker 34 I want to make mention of some things that ExpressVPN will not do. I'm now told that they do not provide you with a fake identity and and documentation and paperwork to support same.

Speaker 34 That's not one of the services that they provide. They will not give you driver's licenses, birth certificates, passports, or other things in fictitious people's names.
Am I correct in this?

Speaker 33 Yes, you are actually correct. That is completely ridiculous.
So, of course, they will not do CPN does not do those things.

Speaker 34 No, of course, they wouldn't. And they also do not provide, I'm told this under

Speaker 34 very

Speaker 34 certain circumstances that they do not provide a cleaning crew to come to your home to clean up any incidents, to remove any evidence of wrongdoing, such as, I don't know, files, documents, top secret classified dossiers,

Speaker 34 human corpses, things that are buried in your call space. They do not send a cleaning crew out to take care of that.
You got to do all that stuff on your own.

Speaker 34 Express VPN will not get involved in that. Is that what I'm told?

Speaker 33 Once again, of course, they would not do that.

Speaker 33 You'd have to be a complete moron to believe something like that because ExpressVPN does wonderful things for you that don't include any of these silly, funny things that have come from the mind of Mr.

Speaker 33 Jim Cornette to start.

Speaker 34 Well, no, they didn't come from my mind. I was told these things, and now I'm trying to

Speaker 34 separate the wheat from the chaff. I'm trying to get to the truth from the fiction.

Speaker 33 Who told you these things?

Speaker 34 Well, I'll be unreliable people that were wandering down the street when I I happened to be sitting there under the tree saying, wow, I wonder what this express VPN is all about.

Speaker 34 Here's something else I hear they do not do. They under no circumstances will provide you with the name and location of a plastic surgeon that will change your appearance in any way, shape, or form.

Speaker 34 They will not have anyone that can perform surgery on you at a undisclosed location, possibly with or without the benefit of anesthesia, to change your appearance in case your picture is well spread all over the place they won't do that no of course not i don't know why we're still going over this of course they won't do that expressvpn will create a secure tunnel between all your devices

Speaker 33 between all devices now if there's a secure tunnel between your devices

Speaker 34 how secure is it could somebody break into that tunnel and go from one device to the other is it's a secure secure tunnel. They can't

Speaker 34 break into it. They create a secure tunnel between your devices and the internet so everything you do online is encrypted.
I understand also they do

Speaker 34 reroute your connection through a secure server, which blocks your ISP from seeing everything. I'm sorry, the ISP.

Speaker 33 ISP, ISP.

Speaker 34 From seeing everything that you do online. And some people are doing some things online that, frankly,

Speaker 34 if your parents only knew. Stop.

Speaker 33 That's not the copy.

Speaker 33 Let's try to stop.

Speaker 34 All that they can see,

Speaker 34 all these people out there trying to spy on you folks, trying to, they're looking in your windows, they're in your walls, they're everywhere, and they're looking at everything that you see and do.

Speaker 34 They're listening to what you say.

Speaker 33 Come on.

Speaker 34 But if you're connected to ExpressVPN, then all they can see is you're connected to an ExpressVPN server. Nothing beyond that.
They can't read your documents.

Speaker 34 They can't listen to to your communications. They cannot peek in the window at you and look at you and your underwear.

Speaker 34 And that's all things that these crooked ISPs have been noted for doing. I saw that article about the peeping on the underwear in the newspaper last week.

Speaker 34 Folks, it's not just for a phone or a computer. Express VPN works on all your devices, on your tablets, on your smart TVs, your router.

Speaker 34 Your entire family will stay protected. I mean, this thing, it'll work on your toasters, your microwaves, and they won't be able to tell what kind of food that you're microwaving or eating.

Speaker 34 I can't stress this enough that ExpressVPN is so simple to use. You just open up the app, whatever that is, wherever it may be.
You tap one button, and once you've tapped, you're connected. Protect.

Speaker 34 your data. It's your business and your business only.
And nobody else is going to tell you what to do with your business or your data.

Speaker 34 Or elsewhere, you can tell them to go take a flying leap at a rolling donut.

Speaker 34 Right now, go to expressvpn.com

Speaker 34 slash JCE,

Speaker 34 and you're going to get three extra months of rolling donuts for free, along with three extra months of Express VPN protection for free. That's express e xpr e s s v p n dot com slash JCE.

Speaker 34 Go there, learn more, get three months of protection for free.

Speaker 34 Once they get finished with the Express VPN, nobody on the planet is going to know where you are, what your name is, or what you look like.

Speaker 34 You'll never be able to find your way back where they're going to put you.

Speaker 33 You

Speaker 33 stop. You make it worse at the very end.
You will know where you are and how to find your way back. And of course, everyone who you want to find you will be able to find you.

Speaker 33 And ExpressVPN will be right there with you along the way. Your safe, safe journey to and from wherever it is that you are going here with expressvpn.com/slash JCE.

Speaker 34 Sometimes you don't want to come back.

Speaker 34 There's a lot of people out there in the world that are doing things they don't want people to know about. We've just illustrated a few of those and

Speaker 34 You know, let's face it, people are spying on you all the time these days. It's the modern times.

Speaker 34 There's somebody's got their eye on you every second and we've talked about these internet service providers right

Speaker 34 they're keeping an eye on you do you know that the internet service providers isp the isps the isps

Speaker 34 the isps they are keeping an eye on you they're spying on your internet internet activity They're selling your history. They're selling your data to the big tech companies, to foreign governments.

Speaker 34 You don't know what's going on.

Speaker 34 And that's why you've got to hide from these people. And we've seen many times, you've gone through this, Brian.
You want to get your internet worked on. You call your ISP.

Speaker 34 They send two guys over in a truck. And they're in your house for a while and they're doing things.
You don't know what they're doing. Have you ever noticed that oftentimes only one leaves?

Speaker 34 Have you ever seen that? You see two guys come into your house, and then when they leave, there's only one of them. Where'd the other guy go? That's never happened.

Speaker 34 I don't even know what you're talking about. That happens to me constantly.

Speaker 33 I'm thinking, where'd the other guy go?

Speaker 33 Stop it. All right.

Speaker 34 I'm thinking, this is what I'm thinking.

Speaker 34 Where'd that other motherfucker go?

Speaker 34 What happens is

Speaker 34 while the one guy's keeping your attention, the other guy slips into a crawl space, into the attic, sometimes just cuts a piece of drywall and patches it from the inside, and he's inside your walls.

Speaker 34 We've proven this. Remember, I proved this to you, Brian.

Speaker 33 We did not prove this. No, we didn't.
We proved this.

Speaker 34 Your internet service providers are in your walls. Where does the wire from your computer go from the back of your computer? Where does it go?

Speaker 33 We have admitted that since we invented electricity, there are wires in the walls. It goes in and

Speaker 34 that's where that guy ends up. He's keeping an eye on what you're doing from inside the wall or the crawl space or the attic or whatever.
Potentially, it depends on how your house is built.

Speaker 34 And Express VPN are the people that you need to get a hold of to stop this stuff from happening. Now, I've mentioned before, I have been suitably chastened about a few things.

Speaker 34 Express VPN does not provide you with fake IDs and documentation and paperwork about a new identity. They do not do that.
I was mistaken about that.

Speaker 34 They also do not come over to your house and clean up evidence of a crime scene and potentially dispose of any cadavers or body parts. That is not a thing that they do.
Not a thing

Speaker 33 that they provide. And don't commit any crimes or murders.

Speaker 34 Well, no, that's part of the cadavers and the corpses. They don't get into that.
You have to handle that stuff on your own.

Speaker 33 I'm telling the audience, don't commit any crimes or murders.

Speaker 34 Well, what kind of people you think we got listening to this program if you have to be the one to tell them don't commit crimes or murders?

Speaker 33 We have all sorts of people. That's the issue.
We have people making lots of money, people making no money. We have people with jobs, we have people with no jobs.

Speaker 33 What does that have to do with committing crimes and murders? Because we have some murderers, I would think, that probably listened to the show.

Speaker 34 Well, don't they have better things to do, like running from the law, than listen to our program right now? If you're a murderer and you're listening right now, turn yourself in. It'll be easier.

Speaker 34 That's right. But nevertheless, the folks at ExpressVPN, they do not do those things that I just mentioned.
But what they do do is they protect you from people spying on you through your internet.

Speaker 34 Because as we know, it comes from inside the house. So, ExpressVPN creates a secure tunnel between all your devices and the internet so that everything you do online is encrypted.

Speaker 34 Is this tunnel big enough that you can go from place to place in it? For example, could you leave your house and go underground to your neighbor's home

Speaker 34 and not not be seen in this secure tunnel? Or is it just big enough for the internet current to go through?

Speaker 34 I'm asking you.

Speaker 33 There are no tunnels. There are no people in your walls.

Speaker 34 It says they create a secure tunnel between all your devices and the internet.

Speaker 33 It's a virtual tunnel in the virtual world.

Speaker 33 And that's what you really have to worry about is the virtual big brother watching you as opposed to the people in Fantastic Walls or whatever it is that you're dreaming up and concocting up here.

Speaker 34 Well, I'm not dream. I'm just trying to report on the facts, but virtually, it's a virtual lock that somebody's keeping their eyes on you.

Speaker 34 And if you don't want people to know what you've been doing on the internet, you need ExpressVPN. Possibly,

Speaker 34 you need to hide some of this activity from someone in your home that's not a member of the ISP army.

Speaker 34 Maybe your wife or your husband or your significant other or whoever it may, they might not be happy with some of these things, but

Speaker 34 apparently, Express VPN scrambles your signal. So if you've been contacting foreign governments, exchanging nuclear secrets from Mar-a-Lago, or

Speaker 34 you've been on Adult Friend Finder and you don't want

Speaker 34 Mrs. Last to find out about it.

Speaker 33 First of all, I've never been on Adult Friend Finder. Second of all, I'm surprised you know the name of Adult Friend Finder.
It reroutes your connection.

Speaker 33 It sure does.

Speaker 34 And it blocks your ISP, the folks at the ISP.

Speaker 34 It blocks them from seeing things that you do online. All they can see is that you're a signal coming from outer space.

Speaker 34 What? And you get to, when you sign up for Express VPN, you get to pick the planet.

Speaker 34 Do you want to come from Mars? Do you want to come from Venus?

Speaker 33 You know, I'm trying to overcome everything else you do. And then you go into the space portion of the spot.
Well, it's not. I can expect this transition.

Speaker 34 So the only thing that people will know

Speaker 34 they intercept your signal is this appears to be a communication from Mars. We're not sure.
We're going to send it over to NASA. And it's not just for your phone or computer, folks,

Speaker 34 because Express VPN works on all your devices. It works on your tablets, your smart TVs, even your router.

Speaker 34 So your entire family, huh?

Speaker 33 Router.

Speaker 34 Works on all these devices. That too.

Speaker 34 So your entire family can always stay protected, no matter what device you've got. Toaster, microwave oven, dentilator Mach 3.

Speaker 34 I can't stress this enough, folks, that Express VPN is so simple to use.

Speaker 33 Yeah, so simple.

Speaker 34 That's right. You just open up the app.

Speaker 34 However, that's done.

Speaker 33 That's very easy. It's very easy to everyone other than you.
Of course, everyone has a smartphone or some sort of device or tablet. Not everyone.
Just about everyone. I don't.
Well, you don't.

Speaker 34 Howie, the mailroom guy, doesn't.

Speaker 33 Well, technically, you do. It's just you've handed it off to

Speaker 33 one of your minions. That's right.
Yeah. So that's yours, though.
So you do have a smartphone. You choose not to use it, but you have one.

Speaker 34 Well, I can't stress this enough, folks. Express VPN is so simple to use.
You just open up the app.

Speaker 33 Yes.

Speaker 34 Tap one button to connect, and that's it. What if it's not the right button? You have to, is any button work?

Speaker 33 No, the way apps work, they have little icons. So you know you're pushing the right one.

Speaker 33 If you're going to push the jim cornet app which you know is not out yet you would push that and of course it says tap this

Speaker 33 or tap here who says you just tap it's on the button it doesn't no it doesn't say any of those things you just tap one button well you just know you just know you just know you just know what if everybody's not as brilliant as you great brian i am sorry everyone knows and even you if you actually gave it a chance and when i say give it a chance if you turned it on you would realize how easy it is to just push the button, tap the phone where the icon is.

Speaker 34 Sure, a lot of button tappers out there. People just willy-nilly tapping buttons.
That's why the world is in such a fucking state. I want to know it's the right button before I tap it.

Speaker 33 And it is the right button, and anyone can do it. That's the point.
It's very easy.

Speaker 34 If you're tapping a button, you need to tap the button for ExpressVPN. That's the button to tap because your data is your business and you can protect it at expressvpn.com slash JCE.

Speaker 34 If you go there right now, you'll get three extra months of express VPN protection for free. That's expressvpn.com slash JCE.

Speaker 34 Three months for free. They will send a son of a bitch out to hammer open your walls, take the drywall down, and get all of those spectrum personnel out from inside of your goddamn home.

Speaker 34 And that's what, that's also, that's why they have those big bags of equipment that they bring in also, because when they slip the one guy into the attic, that's his provisions.

Speaker 34 He's got canned food and those, those army meals ready to eat things and a jug of water.

Speaker 34 I won't even tell you how they arrange for the guy to urinate.

Speaker 33 Let's talk about smells that bad.

Speaker 33 No, let's not talk about smells around the house or anything else that deals with bodily functions. Let's talk about ways to

Speaker 33 transition to, I don't even know where to go from here, but ExpressVPN will have you covered and it's very easy to use, whether it's a click of the mouse

Speaker 33 or whether it's a tap of the tablet.

Speaker 33 It's very easy for everyone. My name is Jim Cornette, and maybe it can help you today.
Isn't that right, Jim?

Speaker 34 I can't stress this enough.

Speaker 34 I can't stress it enough, ladies and gentlemen. Expressvpn.com slash JCE, three months free of protection.
You need to be protected. Use protection, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 34 When you're looking at pornography on your internet, use protection because that monkey pox is everywhere.

Speaker 33 I think there are certainly some people in that locker room. Even if you take the Bucks and Omega and CM Punk out of it and all their detractors, there are still people in that locker room.

Speaker 33 This doesn't solve all the problems. That's the thing.
All the problems aren't CM Punk and all the problems aren't the Young Bucks and Kenny Omega.

Speaker 33 And by the way, in all cases, Kenny Omega and the Young Bucks shouldn't be lumped together because they have their own issues internally.

Speaker 34 They're smiling in your face all the time. They want to take your place.
Backstabbers, backstabbers. All you fellas out there better beware.
Yeah.

Speaker 34 What they're doing to me. I told you, my friends, again and again and again and again.

Speaker 33 So who's happier about all that?

Speaker 34 Somebody's trying to take your your lady?

Speaker 34 A few of your buddies, their show looks shady.

Speaker 33 All right, ladies and gentlemen, you could throw your OJ's records out the window.

Speaker 33 Who's happier about everything that's gone down? Who's happier than Chris Jericho?

Speaker 34 Oh, oh, he, because he sees, hey, everybody else, if I can just manipulate a few more people the way I want them, then I've got this thing all to myself. We'll get rid of punk.

Speaker 34 We'll get rid of the EVPs.

Speaker 33 and it'll be the chris jericho show that's what he's thinking get a nice raise have to take on more responsibility i'm showing him that i want that

Speaker 33 tony's my friend now

Speaker 34 interesting he can't be your friend because he's my friend interesting i gotta say chris jericho master politician give him credit words due it's a masterwork is a masterwork is what it is and you know something else about masterworks ladies and gentlemen they can make you money Not the AEW Masterworks.

Speaker 34 They can't make anybody any money. But Masterworks of art, collectibles,

Speaker 34 they can make you money.

Speaker 33 Was that Bello Logosi or was that just?

Speaker 34 It certainly was. I will drink your blood.

Speaker 33 I will modulate myself.

Speaker 33 I will modulate me.

Speaker 34 Contemporary art has outpaced the S ⁇ P 500 by more than double for the last 25 years. Did you realize that?

Speaker 34 Were you aware of that? Contemporary art appreciated an average of 33% annually. That's more than real estate, the SP, gold, gas,

Speaker 34 beef.

Speaker 34 You ought to see the Sprite Zero prices these days. Holy shit.
Down here, you used to be able to get on sale.

Speaker 34 four 12 packs for $12

Speaker 34 every once in a while. Now they're seven bucks bucks a piece.
So folks, if you need to make money, you want to put your money in a safe place.

Speaker 34 You don't want to risk it in today's uncertain environment, the investing pitfalls you might fall in. You want to put your money in this stuff that endures, art, famous works of art, masterworks.
And

Speaker 34 right now, due to masterworks, It lets people like you and me, and even you, Brian, invest in famous works of art at a fraction of the actual price.

Speaker 34 I know a lot of people are going, how in the world can I buy one 128th piece of the Mona Lisa? Well, it's real simple.

Speaker 34 They snuck in at night, pulled it out of the frame, put a replacement, a forgery backing. Nope.

Speaker 34 Cut the Mona Lisa into 128 equal pieces. Stop.
And now you can own one. Just stop.

Speaker 33 What? Just stop. Just stop.
First of all,

Speaker 33 let's not talk about forgeries here. There'll be no forgeries.
And second of all, no one is cutting the Mona Lisa.

Speaker 33 The Mona Lisa is safe and sound, I guess, as a painting could be, wherever you may find the Mona Lisa.

Speaker 34 It's in the Louvre, isn't it?

Speaker 33 Yes, but there are copies, too.

Speaker 34 It's in the Louvre.

Speaker 33 Yes, I have a Rose Myers Mona Lisa.

Speaker 34 I got one from Whistler's father.

Speaker 34 Said that Whistler's mother and Mona Lisa at one point had a lesbian relationship, but that's why neither one of them were smiling because they weren't any good at it.

Speaker 34 But anyway, folks, if you'd like to make some money on famous works of art, masterworks at a fraction of the actual price.

Speaker 33 Let's focus on that, the ability to actually make money in the long term. In the long run,

Speaker 34 in the long run.

Speaker 34 If you're confident that you've got a while to live, folks, and the longer the better, then that's what you need to do: you need to go right now to masterworks.art slash gym because we've talked about masterworks before.

Speaker 34 It's a way that normal folks can get into the fine art market and you can make money because, as we've mentioned,

Speaker 34 the art collections, the rare items are appreciating.

Speaker 34 It's just like having, it's better than having money in the bank because with these shyster governments failing all the time, fuck your money couldn't be worth the paper it's printed on.

Speaker 34 But by cracky, a Van Gog,

Speaker 33 that'll always be worth it. Van Gog.

Speaker 34 I just saw him. That's right.
He couldn't hear me. I was on the wrong side of him.
But anyway, at masterworks.art slash gym, you go there and you slash me and you sign up for priority access.

Speaker 34 You can take advantage of all of their services and skip their wait list. They are so popular.

Speaker 34 They have gotten incredibly popular that now they've got a waiting list before you can even talk to them, before you can even do dick all of shit with Masterworks you got to wait because they're so popular well we know people and therefore if you go to masterworks.art slash gym skip the wait list and find out all about all the various ways that masterworks can help you in your fine art portfolio make some money.

Speaker 34 And I guess, so that means that the piece of the Mona Lisa that I bought that I've been carrying around in my wallet, it's two inches square. That wasn't officially approved by Masterworks?

Speaker 33 That is not officially a part of any official Mona Lisa, and Masterworks has nothing to do with your butchering of forgeries, which appears that you have just admitted to.

Speaker 34 Well, the folks in the Louver aren't going to be happy when they find out that that Van Gogh was painted by a guy named Fred Turner. The Louver.

Speaker 34 Right now, you can see important Regulation A disclosures at masterworks.com/slash CD or skip that wait list. Get in on the good stuff right away.

Speaker 34 They'll drag you right in. Boy, they'll jerk you right in this place.
Masterworks.art

Speaker 34 slash gym. Well, actually, you know, muffins can be good for your digestion.
There's some roughage involved in there. It makes you poop better.

Speaker 34 I think that's important, especially as we get older. Hopefully, Larry had a bite of that muffin.
as well so he could uh so he could have an enjoyable poop a little cleanse there

Speaker 33 ah i think we all ought to support mindy's bakery in this in this tragic time well of course mindy's bakery is in chicago and they're closed on various days as punk mentioned in that press conference but some people may want something else they may want something that's keto-friendly something that's healthy something that's easy to get because it'll be shipped right to your door and of course jim we're talking about our favorite cereal magic spoon that's right and you don't even need to have a joint bank account with your mother in order to purchase this magic spoon because, you know, folks, again, we've got to stay healthy.

Speaker 34 We need the tasty baked goods. We also need the healthy food that's not going to fill us up with a bunch of junk.
Now, you know, when you were a kid,

Speaker 34 you could eat this cereal all day long with the sugar. and the carbs and all the additives and preservatives.

Speaker 34 But now, now that we're all close to death, we need to take better care of ourselves, but we don't need to sacrifice taste to do it.

Speaker 34 That's where Magic Spoon comes in because it's got the sweet, the crunchy texture, the taste that you love of all your favorite cereals from childhood, but it's healthy. Did we mention?

Speaker 34 Zero grams of sugar, 13 to 14 grams of protein, only four to five net grams of carbs in each serving, low-carb, keto-friendly, gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, and only 140 calories of serving, but it actually tastes like food.

Speaker 34 For example, they've eliminated the sugar. They've eliminated most of the carbs.
They've eliminated a lot of the additives. There is absolutely no rat hair

Speaker 34 that you'll find in normal cereal, no rat hair in Magic Spoon. They have eliminated the mouse feces

Speaker 34 and the roach droppings that you find in. most commercially packaged food these days.

Speaker 34 Do you know, Brian, there is actually a federal regulation of how much rodent excrement can be in food before it's passed and available to the public?

Speaker 34 There's a cutoff line there.

Speaker 33 Okay.

Speaker 34 Did you know that?

Speaker 33 I believe I... I mean, I know that there is a cutoff line for that, yes.

Speaker 34 Yeah, well, that's why you stand there and stare whenever you go into grocery all the time, wondering, is this worth the fucking gamble?

Speaker 34 But I'll tell you, there's no fucking gamble whatsoever with the magic spoon because they've eliminated all of the

Speaker 34 infestation of insects and the byproducts of small hairy rodents.

Speaker 34 And all you get is the great taste like cocoa, fruity, frosted, peanut butter, blueberry muffin, maple waffle, honey nut, cookies and cream, cinnamon roll, holy mackerel, disc golf,

Speaker 34 disc golf.

Speaker 34 Octopus sperm, all kinds of things.

Speaker 33 Oh, no. See, you took it too far.

Speaker 34 Well, I'm just, you know,

Speaker 34 they'll never understand the disc golf, much less the octopus sperm. But anyway, folks, right now, if you want to go to magicspoon.com, well, that'll just be swell.

Speaker 34 And you can grab a custom bundle of cereal, try the magic for yourself. You don't need a spoon.
You can just eat it with your hands. You can stick your face in a bowl of it and go

Speaker 34 just like that. You can motorboat a bowl of this stuff.
Or you can just eat them one.

Speaker 33 Or you could just eat it. Or you could just eat it.

Speaker 34 Or you could just, you could just, you know, there's anal insertion as well. You get.

Speaker 33 Or you could just eat it.

Speaker 34 Or you could just eat it right down your pie hole. And be sure when you go to magicspoon.com,

Speaker 34 use the promo code Jim. That's J-I-M at checkout.
You're going to save $5 off your order. Again, magicspoon.com slash Jim.
Use the code Jim. Save $5 off.
It's guilt-free cereal.

Speaker 34 They just run around with impunity doing whatever the fuck they want. They feel guilty about nothing because they got the best cereal on the planet.

Speaker 34 And if you eat some of this, you won't feel guilty about anything you do either. So you can just run around on a crime spree and you'll still feel fine after eating Magic Spoon.

Speaker 34 No matter how you insert it in your body or which orifice you use, use your mouth.

Speaker 33 Magic Spoon. Use your mouth and eat it the typical way with your mouth.

Speaker 34 Eat it. Eat it good.
Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo. Correct that whip.

Speaker 34 Anyway,

Speaker 34 magic spoon.

Speaker 33 That's right. Magic spoon.
And, of course, Devo, the lead singer, Mark Mothersbaugh, you look a little bit like him. Anyone ever tell you that?

Speaker 34 Hey, I look like a mother what?

Speaker 33 Mark Mothersbaugh from Devo, the lead singer of Devo, at least in Whip It, the song you referenced.

Speaker 34 Whip It Good.

Speaker 33 Do you like any of the other Devo songs?

Speaker 34 What are are the other Devo songs?

Speaker 33 Jocko Homo, they do a Secret Agent Man.

Speaker 34 I've heard Secret Agent Man.

Speaker 34 It was kitschy in its own way.

Speaker 33 Satisfaction?

Speaker 34 I heard that too. Maybe not so much.
We're going to have to talk about wrestling sooner or later here on the program, I guess.

Speaker 34 We can avoid it just another couple of minutes by telling the folks about the incredible, incredible opportunity they have to have a good, healthy breakfast, right?

Speaker 33 What an opportunity.

Speaker 34 What an opportunity. For one of the first times ever, folks, you can actually eat breakfast and not feel guilty after it.

Speaker 34 And I'm not talking about whatever you may have done the night before, or wherever you may have woken up, or whoever you may have woken up with.

Speaker 34 I'm talking about not feeling guilty about the breakfast you eat before you take your walk of shame. And that's what you're going to need the folks at Magic Spoon for.

Speaker 34 Because Magic Spoon is going to make sure that you are guilt-free. You can go out, sleep with anybody, commit any acts you want, even if they're banned in that state.

Speaker 33 You know, there's still several states that don't have laws against bestiality. You know,

Speaker 33 I was going to let you keep going because it wasn't too bad yet. And then you cross the line and then you just keep jumping over that line.

Speaker 33 But no, you will be guilty of anything you are guilty of, but when it comes to food you ingest, when it comes to your breakfast, you will have no guilt with Magic Spoon.

Speaker 34 It's guilt-free cereal because, you know, as a kid, all those cereals were just filled with junk. They were filled with

Speaker 34 various things like carbohydrates and sugar and things that would rot your teeth and all kinds of street drugs that were manufactured under a bathroom sink. That's what those old cereals had in them.

Speaker 34 But now this new cereal, no more street drugs manufactured under a bathroom sink for this stuff no this this stuff has been formulated in the finest laboratory i'm telling you you'll see unicorns lollipops and rainbows on this stuff it's got zero grams of sugar 13 to 14 grams of protein and only four to five net grams of carbs in each serving low carb keto friendly gluten free grain free soy free and only 140 calories of serving.

Speaker 34 You know what that means. That means you can shovel this stuff in your pie hole all day long and still not be so fat that you don't have a waistline, you got a coastline.

Speaker 33 It would probably be advisable to have portion control, even though it is healthy and delicious and nutritious.

Speaker 34 If I were you, I'd just get the entire variety bundle of this whole thing, your custom bundle, and just start eating it by the handfuls and don't stop until you're covered in in various effluvia that's running out of you because it's that good.

Speaker 33 No, stop when you're full and there'll be more when you need more.

Speaker 34 Stop when you're full, they'll make more and they do make more, but you need to buy it all, or elsewhere, they'll stop making it because it'll be unsuccessful.

Speaker 34 What kind of asshole do you want to be to be the people that put Magic Spoon out of business?

Speaker 34 So get some for your neighbors right now: cocoa, fruity, frosted peanut butter, blueberry muffin, maple waffle, honey nut, cookies, and cream, cinnamon roll,

Speaker 34 peanut butter, and motor oil. I'm just seeing if you're still paying attention.

Speaker 33 Disc golf.

Speaker 34 Folks, writing a disc golf right now. Grab the custom bundle, the variety package.
You can get all you want of anything you want. And all you got to do is go to magicspoon.com/slash jim.

Speaker 34 Use the code Jim at checkout to save $5 off. It's backed with 100% happiness guarantee.

Speaker 34 Not only will you not feel guilty for eating this or anything you've done before you ate this, but this stuff is once you take the first bite, you'll get happy.

Speaker 34 And it lasts about three or four hours till it wears off and then eat some more and you'll be happy again. You'll be positively slap happy by the time you get finished with Magic Spoon.

Speaker 34 And if you don't like it, as we mentioned for any reason, they will give you your money back. No questions asked.
You will be forced to fill out a list.

Speaker 33 No questions asked. Questionnaire later.
No questions asked. Let's just say that.

Speaker 34 They're not going to ask them verbally, but there's written material you've got to go through.

Speaker 34 You do have to fill out some forms.

Speaker 34 And there is also, you need to have things notarized.

Speaker 33 And

Speaker 33 potentially witnessed by

Speaker 33 this signal.

Speaker 34 You've got to have some of these things witnessed by an adult, not a member of your family or living with you.

Speaker 34 And a legal resident of that state. MagicSpoon.com/slash Jim, use the code Jim to save $5 off it.
You can save $5 even if you're an illegal alien.

Speaker 34 Just don't tell the Republicans they'll send you to Martha's Vineyard.

Speaker 34 Did you hear about this now?

Speaker 34 It's some kind of stunt. They're sending all the migrants from the border in Texas to Martha's Vineyard.
So now they've established the precedent.

Speaker 34 If you show up demanding asylum at the border, they're going to send you to live in Martha's Vineyard. Within a week, every citizen of Jackson, Mississippi is going to be headed to the Rio Grande.

Speaker 34 MagicSpoon.com slash Jim.

Speaker 33 $5.

Speaker 33 That's right. Awful.

Speaker 24 Houston, get ready to feel the power.

Speaker 35 In January 2026, Love Houston Volleyball is back and turning up the heat. Featuring two-time Olympic medalists Jordan Thompson and Micah Hancock.

Speaker 35 Big serves, fearless rallies, and a hometown crowd that brings serious energy. This is a new H-Town night out.
Bring the noise and don't miss a single moment. Tickets start under $15.

Speaker 35 Visit LOVBHTX.com slash iHeart.

Speaker 30 Go to HarlemGlobetrouters.com for your tickets to the 100-year tour.

Speaker 33 Well, with Malachi Black taking time off, recalibrating his life, I bet he could use a good night's sleep.

Speaker 34 You know, he probably could. And I'll tell you what, I could too.
Because boy, oh, boy, I'm sore today because I got out and did that. Physical labor that I was talking about earlier.

Speaker 34 But you know what? When you've got something nice,

Speaker 34 something soft and comfortable and comforting and

Speaker 34 warm and cozy to lay your old broken body down at the end of a day, whether you've been taking bumps in the ring or doing yard work or just being brow beaten by somebody, by life in general, just being beaten down, whacked, whacked around by life with a stick.

Speaker 34 If you lay down on a helix mattress, Brian, you forget all that. You sleep like a baby.
You wake up every hour pissing the bed and crying.

Speaker 33 No,

Speaker 33 no.

Speaker 34 No, you wake up the next day feeling like a million dollars, dirty, green, and wrinkled. But I'll tell you one thing, ladies and gentlemen.
The Helix lineup.

Speaker 34 From our folks at Helix Sleep, it includes 14 unique mattresses, including a collection of luxury models, a mattress for big and tall sleepers.

Speaker 34 If you're eight feet tall or 600 pounds, you probably be sleeping alone if you're either one of those, but they got one for you.

Speaker 34 Even a mattress made just for kids, you ought to see the weed little thing. It's only two feet long.
It's fucking cute. It's about three inches thick.

Speaker 34 You can put it up in the back of one of those old fucking Lincoln Continentals, the town cars. Stop it.
You can put it up in the back window, put the kid back there on road trips.

Speaker 34 He won't even bother you.

Speaker 33 First of all, stop making up products. Second of all, that's not the way anyone's allowed to use their car or have kids in their car for at least the last 35 years or so.
Seatbelt.

Speaker 34 You never rode up in the back window one of those big why my Uncle Tommy had one of those Ford Galaxy 500s that I could fucking hop right up there.

Speaker 34 I'll tell you what, boy, the girls in Jonesboro, Arkansas, when they'd follow you back to Memphis after the Saturday night matches, there was one girl in Jonesboro had this huge sedan and it was a big back seat area with a big shelf in the back.

Speaker 34 And they used to do wonderful shows. If you hit them with the high beams when you were following them, right there in the back window.
But anyway, folks, back to the helix sleep mattress.

Speaker 33 Yes, back to that.

Speaker 34 There is no better way to test out a new mattress than sleeping on it in your own home or doing whatever you do to mattresses in your own home. And that's why they offer a 100-night risk-free trial.

Speaker 34 So you get this mattress, you desecrate it in any way that you want for 100 nights. to make sure that you like it and it works right, has the right amount of bounce to it and everything.

Speaker 34 And if you don't like it, then they will come back and pick it up and give you a refund.

Speaker 34 And then you'll have the satisfaction of knowing the next motherfucker that gets that mattress, he's going to, oh boy, the things you've done.

Speaker 34 But everybody's unique, folks, and everyone sleeps differently. That's why they got the different models.

Speaker 34 And you just get on helixleep.com and you take that quiz, tells them how you like to sleep on your side or your back or your stomach or face first with your ass up in the air, however you like to sleep.

Speaker 34 And then they'll match you with the mattress that most

Speaker 34 suits your needs. They come with a 10 or 15 year warranty, depending on the model.
And

Speaker 34 they've been awarded the number one mattress picked by GQ and Wired Magazine. Everybody that works for GQ and Wired Magazine was required to sleep.

Speaker 34 on a helix mattress for eight hours a night for six months and then they were unhandcuffed and allowed to write write the reviews.

Speaker 34 And it's even recommended by multiple leading chiropractors, doctors of sleep medicine, chiropodists,

Speaker 34 and ovarian

Speaker 34 OBGYN type of doctors because you don't want gynecologists. There you go.
That's what I was looking at. The gynecologists love these kind of mattresses.
They say it aids in the reproductive.

Speaker 34 situation there. But anyway, and if you don't have to be nervous about buying a mattress online,

Speaker 34 because of that helix sleep quiz, they've got all the information. And you wouldn't believe some of the questions they ask.

Speaker 34 And just make sure you give them all your financial information and all your bank account

Speaker 34 account numbers.

Speaker 33 They're not going to ask you for any of that until it's time for payment, of course.

Speaker 34 Well, this, and then they'll clean you out.

Speaker 33 No, again, they'll bill you for what you buy. They won't clean you out.

Speaker 34 Yeah, that's what you think.

Speaker 33 Stop making your products and stop saying that they're going to rip people off. They're going to give people a good mattress.

Speaker 34 I didn't say they were going to rip anybody. Yeah, you're going to get a good mattress and you'll pay for it in the end, one way or the other.

Speaker 34 If you don't want to pay up front, by God, they'll take it out on you afterwards. But anyway, if just go to helixleep.com.
That's what you need to do. HelixSleep.com/slash JCE.

Speaker 34 Because right now, Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners.

Speaker 34 So you go to helixleep.com slash JCE and you make that purchase and you get up to 200 bucks and up to two free pillows or up to two free. You could get one free.
I don't know. You know what?

Speaker 34 I needed some more pillows because I'll tell you what, after my big birthday dinner, I went to sleep that night and I had a nightmare because I had all that food sitting on my stomach and I dreamed that I was at a picnic and I ate a bunch of marshmallows that I'd toasted over the open flame.

Speaker 34 And when I woke up, all my pillows were gone. And boy, was I sick to my stomach.
Folks with helix sleep better sleep starts right now

Speaker 33 that's right and better sleep will continue here on this show obviously where I'm half asleep.

Speaker 34 But this wasn't the most rotten SmackDown in the history of the world.

Speaker 34 It's not as bad as it was, as it has been.

Speaker 34 We'll keep an eye on it. We'll continue to monitor these things, right?

Speaker 33 We will see about that. I mean, I don't know how much more monitoring of SmackDown I'm going to do if I don't start my day with a healthy breakfast.

Speaker 34 Well, you're just so abrupt. You want to just jump right into that breakfast?

Speaker 33 Well, just

Speaker 34 pour that bowl of milk and jump right into it and do the backstroke.

Speaker 34 You know, every once in a while, when I have my morning breakfast, I like to put that magic spoon in the bowl and pour that milk on top of it and then just put my face in the bowl and just motorboat.

Speaker 34 Just go

Speaker 34 just like that.

Speaker 33 Doesn't that make a mess?

Speaker 34 well sure it does and that's the way you want to start your day with making a mess of magic spoon because that's the the key the spoon is the key brian the spoon is the key to the day and folks again you know the drill by now if you always loved that cereal when you were a kid when your Your mother would slap you in the face to get you out of bed in the morning and kick your ass to get dressed and throw your school stuff at you and stab the back of your hand with a sharpened pencil.

Speaker 33 Jesus, that would happen to you?

Speaker 34 Just to make sure that you knew to goddamn get to school on time. And then

Speaker 34 they would take

Speaker 34 a big box of cereal and they'd start hitting you over the head with it until the box broke open and all that cereal spilled out.

Speaker 34 And then you were expected to get on your hands and knees and eat that cereal off the ground like a dog. That happened to everybody when they were a kid.
But all that cereal at the time

Speaker 34 had carbohydrates and additives and preservatives and all that nasty stuff that you don't want to put in your body.

Speaker 34 I mean, for heaven's sake, you might as well be drinking formaldehyde as to put all those preservatives in your body. Well, now

Speaker 34 they have eliminated all that.

Speaker 34 So now that you're a grown adult, when you get up in the morning and your wife slaps you in the face to get you up and kicks you in the ass to get dressed and then throws your work briefcase at you and then takes a sharpened pencil and stabs you in the back of the hand just to make sure you remember to go to work stop it already and then hits you over the head with a box of magic spoon when that cereal busts out of that cardboard and pours all around you and you get down on your hands and knees and you start lapping it up you say oh this tastes good oh this the best part of my day it's all going to be downhill from here Well, Jim, we should also make mention of the fact that there are many, many, if not predominantly, listeners of this show who who have a normal day where they could sit down, pour the cereal themselves, pour the milk themselves, eat it in the traditional fashion with their mouth, and then get up and go.

Speaker 34 In a traditional fashion with their mouth.

Speaker 33 I never know what you're going to say, so I want to make sure I'm pretty explicit here in how I'm laying this out. But the point is...

Speaker 34 I don't think you need to be that explicit. We've got children listening.

Speaker 33 The point is, everyone can enjoy Magic Spoon, even the people who aren't getting hit over the head with the boxes.

Speaker 34 And stabbed in the back of the hand with a sharpened pencil. It's got zero grams of sugar, 13 to 14 grams of protein, and only four to five net grams of carbs in each serving.

Speaker 34 Low carb, keto-friendly, gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, and only 140 calories of serving. So you can build your own box with all their appealing flavors.

Speaker 34 We got cocoa, fruity, frosted, peanut butter, blueberry muffin, maple waffle, honey nut, cookies, and cream, cinnamon roll.

Speaker 34 Boy, some of these have a smoky, syrupy finish, and everybody always wants to finish with smoky syrup.

Speaker 34 Folks, right now go to magicspoon.com slash gym to grab a custom bundle of cereal and try the magic out for yourself.

Speaker 34 Just wiggle your wand at this stuff and it will change into a beautiful, delicious bowl of cereal. And be sure to use our promo code Jim at checkout to save $5 off your order.

Speaker 34 And don't forget about the 100% happiness guarantee.

Speaker 34 As a matter of fact, your wife won't let you forget it because she'll stab you in the back of the hand with that sharpened pencil and write you a note 100%.

Speaker 34 So you'll remember that if you don't like this cereal for any reason, they will refund your money, they being the folks at Magic Spoon.

Speaker 34 You cannot get a refund on your wife, no matter how hard you ask.

Speaker 34 So just

Speaker 34 let that be known. Right now, get your next delicious bowl of guilt-free cereal at magic spoon.com slash Jim.
Use the code Jim to save $5 off.

Speaker 34 It's guilt-free cereal, and it will make you feel better about anything you have to do during the course of the day.

Speaker 34 If your back's against the wall and you have no other alternative, you have to lash out in this fashion. Whatever you got to do, you got to do.

Speaker 34 But eat a bowl of Magic Spoon afterwards, you'll feel better about the whole thing.

Speaker 33 That's right. Magic Spoon, it's a good cereal you can eat in the traditional way.
Like you eat all cereal and all breakfast, except this one is magical, delicious, and nutritious. Magic Spoon.

Speaker 34 And just remember, when the authorities take your statement, try not to mention that you ate Magic Spoon before you did what you're fixing to do.

Speaker 33 No, you're not going to do anything except enjoy a great breakfast with Magic Spoon. There will be no authorities involved, but.

Speaker 34 Guilt-free.

Speaker 33 Guilt-free cereal. You won't have to worry about what you're ingesting.

Speaker 34 Now, remember, folks, you won't feel guilty about these acts you're about to commit, but that doesn't mean you can get off scot-free. You might be punished for this.

Speaker 34 You won't feel guilty, but you may still encounter punishment. Guilt-free and scot-free, two entirely different things.

Speaker 33 All right. Well, Jim,

Speaker 33 you can watch a movie or a TV show.

Speaker 34 Or you can try to stumble around and come up with a segue.

Speaker 33 Or a website from around the world if you only knew a reliable and a good source to access an Express VPN.

Speaker 34 Well, you know, here's the problem, Brian. You know, we've talked about this before.

Speaker 34 And with these new

Speaker 34 high-falutin internet service providers, you don't know what's going on. You don't know who they're talking to, dealing with.
And also with these hackers, you got these hackers now.

Speaker 34 That know all this computer mumbo jumbo, and they can just pick your computer like they're picking your pocket.

Speaker 34 But going online, according to this publicity material, going online without express VPN is like leaving your kids with the nearest stranger while using the restroom.

Speaker 34 Most of the time, it's probably fine. But every once in a while, when you come out of that bathroom, you find that that stranger has sold your children to a foreign government or criminals.

Speaker 34 And, you know, it's the same thing with your internet service provider and these hackers.

Speaker 33 It's not the same thing. I don't know what you're talking about, but

Speaker 34 no, you know, you know as well as I do. Because, I mean, what, you used to have six kids, right? And you're down to four because those times you had to piss at the baseball game.

Speaker 33 That's not true. We've always had the same amount of kids.

Speaker 34 Well, most of the time, it's probably fine, but you never really know who you're trusting. You don't want to risk it.
That's why you need to be using. Express VPN.

Speaker 34 We've also talked about this on the program before. Your internet service providers, you've had it happen to you countless times.

Speaker 34 A couple of them come to your home one morning to fix some stuff that's going wrong. And when they leave, only one of them gets in the truck and leaves.

Speaker 34 And you've been wondering to yourself, where is this other fucking guy? Well, come to find out.

Speaker 34 He's secreted himself in your home inside the walls so he can keep track of your browser history and the way that you use your internet.

Speaker 34 And as well, these hackers, well, they're just everywhere now. And sometimes they even surface above ground.

Speaker 34 And that way you can play whack-a-mole with them, but you can't ever actually eliminate them entirely.

Speaker 34 That's why that ExpressVPN, what they do is they create a secure encrypted tunnel between your device and the internet so that hackers can't steal your data.

Speaker 34 At one end of that tunnel, they have secreted landmines.

Speaker 34 So when the hackers that live underground get into that tunnel and try to get into your information, they come to the end of the tunnel, they get blown up.

Speaker 33 No, what are you talking about?

Speaker 34 Well, ExpressVPN, they create a secure encrypted tunnel. Well,

Speaker 34 they've got to wire it.

Speaker 34 They've got to set the explosives because that way when the hackers that live underground get into that tunnel and try to tunnel all the way through to your information, they'll get blown up.

Speaker 34 You know, hackers make serious serious cash selling personal information on the dark web. Your browser history, they can sell it to criminals.
They can sell it to foreign governments.

Speaker 34 They can sell it to your wife.

Speaker 34 And imagine then what would happen.

Speaker 34 Express VPN has made it easier than ever to keep your information away from the prying eyes of your significant other.

Speaker 34 Just fire up the app. Click one button and you're instantly protected.

Speaker 34 As a matter of fact, they will send a a security force to your home to stand watch.

Speaker 34 Don't bother them while they're on duty. They'll be in a brown Ford LTD with Missouri plates, but they'll be sitting outside your house.

Speaker 33 There's no security force. No one will be outside of your house.
This is the entertainment portion of the spot here. Of course, ExpressVPN is a serious company and none of this will be taking place.

Speaker 34 Well, let me ask you some serious questions. Do you want your wife to know your browser history as well as the foreign governments and the criminals that may be trying to steal your identity?

Speaker 33 I don't mind if my wife sees my browser history. I got

Speaker 33 the only one. Now, the foreign governments, that I may be worried about.

Speaker 34 Well, and your wife will see plenty of foreign governments.

Speaker 33 What?

Speaker 34 Because they're all going to be trying to sell her your browser history.

Speaker 34 Every single one of them from Moldavia?

Speaker 33 Moldova, God.

Speaker 34 Moldavia and

Speaker 34 Monrovia. They're all going to be trying to get money out of your wife to sell her your browser history so she can find out all the different things she needs to be mad about.

Speaker 34 But ExpressVPN, folks, will keep you away from the hackers, keep you away from the criminals, keep you away from the foreign governments, and most importantly, keep you away from your wife.

Speaker 34 And if you go right now

Speaker 34 to expressvpn.com slash JCE,

Speaker 34 you'll get protected at the click of a button and a fire-up of an app, and you'll get three extra months for free. Three extra months that nobody will be able to put you in prison because

Speaker 34 you've gone to an illicit website

Speaker 34 that has now trapped your identity there forever. Expressvpn.com/slash JCE.

Speaker 34 Get secure right now and get three extra months for free and get that fucking guy out of your walls.

Speaker 33 There's no one in your wall, and you don't have too much to worry about, but ExpressVPN is is a fine service that you should check out and see if it could do wonders for you.

Speaker 34 Do you hear the beating and banging? Now there's somebody in my wall trying to get out.

Speaker 33 I didn't hear it, no.

Speaker 34 Well, you should be over here. You'd hear it better.

Speaker 33 All right. Well, ExpressVPN, and you can hear, you can't hear anything.
It's a site service that has nothing to do with hearing, but ExpressVPN.

Speaker 34 It has nothing to do with hearing.

Speaker 34 Then, therefore, you can be deaf and still avail yourself of this fine service.

Speaker 33 That's right. Express VPN.
Would you watch Kenny Omega wrestle in Alpaca?

Speaker 34 I swear to God, that's not what I thought you were going to ask when you said, Would you watch Kenny?

Speaker 34 Because I was going to say you already knew the answer. Maybe you got the answer from Kenny about the sheep in Japan.
I don't really want to watch

Speaker 34 Kenny Olivier do anything except burst into flames. Now, if he could do that.

Speaker 33 You've seen kangaroos fight, right?

Speaker 34 Yes, yes. As a matter of fact, I've instigated a couple also.

Speaker 34 I went up to a kangaroo one night. I said, you ought to hear what that fucking kangaroo in the corner was saying about you.

Speaker 33 I'm not talking about Norman Frederick Charles III. I'm talking about

Speaker 34 Norman and fucking Jonathan Boyd all pissed at each other, but go ahead.

Speaker 33 Would you watch Kenny Omega fight a kangaroo?

Speaker 34 Yes, because those kangaroos will kick your fucking ass.

Speaker 33 That'd be funny. It'd be entertaining.

Speaker 34 I would watch that.

Speaker 33 Do you think that would break the pay-per-view record for AEW, Kenny Omega versus a kangaroo?

Speaker 34 I would personally buy at least 50,000.

Speaker 33 50,000, really?

Speaker 34 50,000 pay-per-views. If they'll book Kenny in a shoot now, no working.

Speaker 34 It's got to be a shoot.

Speaker 33 All right.

Speaker 34 But you know what I need right now, Brian?

Speaker 33 I can think of a few things. What do you have on mind?

Speaker 34 Tasty goddamn breakfast. That's what I need right now.

Speaker 34 Yeah, we're going to get to the wrestling here in a second, folks. So, first, we'll talk about how to fortify yourself for that.

Speaker 34 And the last thing you want to do before you watch bad modern wrestling is load yourself up with carbohydrates and sugar and calories and junk food and that kind of thing, because then you'll just feel miserable.

Speaker 34 I mean, you'll be impacted. You won't be, you won't feel or look popular.

Speaker 34 You'll pop out at parties. You don't want to weigh yourself down with stuff like that.
What you want to do is eat a nice, healthy, good-tasting, refreshing breakfast with our friends at Magic Spoon.

Speaker 34 Because, for example,

Speaker 34 let's say you have to play one of these games where you're going to have to mate with an alpaca.

Speaker 34 You need a lot of energy to mate with an alpaca. Because they,

Speaker 34 well, they're all high-strung to begin with. So to hold one of those things down, you want to get a big bowl of magic spoon and one of the grape flavors.
I mean, anything goes with alpaca love.

Speaker 34 Cocoa, fruity, frosted peanut butter, blueberry muffin, maple waffle, honey nut. Hey, put a little nut in your alpaca.
Cookies and cream, cinnamon roll, whatever you want.

Speaker 34 Have an indulgent bowl of magic spoon. And then cuddle up and make sweet, passionate alpaca love with your chosen alpaca.

Speaker 33 No, let's get away from animal love and, of course, joking animal love in this case, or virtual anime animal love with anime alpacas, and let's talk more about what happens in the real world and what happens with a healthy breakfast, which, as you said, you should start your day with every day like Magic Spoon.

Speaker 34 You just blurted out and uttered out a string of words, anime, alpaca, and enemas, and all kinds of things. Can you use this stuff for enemas as well?

Speaker 33 I didn't say enemas, and I'm trying to get you back on

Speaker 33 the track. And you went to enemas.
All right.

Speaker 34 Magic magic spoon has a deal where you can build your own box and you can pick the flavors that you want if you go to magic spoon.com slash jim

Speaker 34 grab a custom bundle of the cereal try the magic for yourself and use the promo code jim at checkout that's jim you'll save five dollars off your order and we've talked about the hundred percent happiness guarantee Once you become a customer of Magic Spoon and you eat this, whatever they put in it, you'll be deliriously deliriously happy.

Speaker 34 They'll have to wipe the smile off your face with a sandblaster.

Speaker 34 If not, if for some reason you're not just loving this cereal and you're not just deliriously happy and you're not just over the moon, then they will refund your money, no questions asked.

Speaker 34 That's what they'll do because that's the kind of people they are.

Speaker 33 That's right.

Speaker 34 And we know that you wouldn't want to fuck nice people like that around, so you're going to be honest, because also they have ways of figuring this out.

Speaker 34 Once you eat that first magic spoon, there's a genetic code

Speaker 34 to this cereal and they'll be able to tell from your stomach. They have a reading on your stomach.
No, they don't.

Speaker 34 Once you eat the magic spoon and your stomach likes it, a green light glows up in the magic spoon headquarters and they know you like their cereal.

Speaker 34 So if you try to lie to get your money back, they will show you a picture of your green light.

Speaker 33 Friends, when you ingest the magic spoon that you'll be enjoying for breakfast, feel confident in knowing that there will be nothing entering your body that will be staying in your body,

Speaker 33 certainly nothing transmitting a signal to anyone else. No, it'll be entering and leaving your body the way most typical normal food does.

Speaker 34 It enters and leaves your body through the normal passageway. It just has changed some of your genetic code.
No.

Speaker 33 Yes. No!

Speaker 33 No, they do nothing to your genetic code. You have nothing to worry about.
with your genetic code.

Speaker 34 Well, you've got zero grams of sugar, 13 to 14 grams of protein, and only four to five net grams of carbs in each serving.

Speaker 34 Low carb, keto-friendly, gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, only 140 calories of serving.

Speaker 34 It says right here, changes genetic code slightly to acknowledge receipt of caloric intake from Magic Spoon, which will lead to

Speaker 34 100% happiness.

Speaker 33 It says it right here.

Speaker 34 Whether you like it or not.

Speaker 33 It says it right here. Please don't let Jim go too far.
And here you are talking about genetic codes and all this. Making copy.

Speaker 34 If you want a smoky, syrupy finish,

Speaker 34 go with that honey nut or maple waffle, or you can be indulgent with cookies and cream and cinnamon roll. You can keep your own crappy genetic code if that's what you want.

Speaker 34 Try to be happy on your own, then. We're going to go around and spread our own genetic coding happiness somewhere else.
MagicSpoon.com/slash Jim, use the code Jim to save $5 off at checkout.

Speaker 34 And folks, again, a genetic code has never been so cheap than with Magic Spoon.

Speaker 33 Again, Magic Spoon, a healthy cereal that you'll have for breakfast. Enjoy.
Enjoy knowing that you're ingesting healthy Magic Spoon materials or food or ingredients. God damn it.

Speaker 33 I can't even think of what to say, but it's good and you will like it. It'll be healthy and you have nothing to worry about with Magic Spoon.

Speaker 34 But we're still back on Raw.

Speaker 34 And boy, at this point in time, it was easily two hours into this program.

Speaker 34 And I was already, to be quite honest with you, ready to turn in for the night, Brian.

Speaker 34 And you know, I was just thinking, how in the world am I going to get a good night's sleep with nightmarish depictions?

Speaker 34 of all of these rotten matches and redundant finishes running through my head like sugar plums the night before Christmas.

Speaker 34 And then I realized I don't have to worry about going to sleep and getting a good night's sleep, no matter what I watch, because when I lay my brilliant head down on the pillow, it's going to be on top of a helix sleep mattress.

Speaker 34 And that it doesn't matter what's going on in your life. It doesn't matter how miserable you are.
It doesn't matter how stressed you are. It doesn't matter.

Speaker 34 I'm telling you, just go next door to the next door neighbor that makes meth under their basement, in their basement or under their kitchen sink and get about an ounce and a half of methamphetamine.

Speaker 34 No. And snort all that up.

Speaker 33 Stop. No, do not snort.

Speaker 34 You can do a Helix sleep mattress and you'll still go to sleep.

Speaker 33 Listen, everyone, don't do that. It could be hazardous to your health, but what won't be hazardous to your health, what may actually propel your health, would be a good night's sleep.

Speaker 33 Helio Gracie said that he slept, I think, 12 hours a night. Maybe it was 10.
I don't even know. But you could do that too on a Helix Sleep mattress.

Speaker 34 Is that why they have their own Helix Sleep, Helio Gracie special, the Helix Helio?

Speaker 33 I do not believe they have that special, certainly not in the copy I have in front of me. So I know they do not have that special.

Speaker 34 Well, they ought to, shouldn't they? But no, here's the thing. Whatever you do, it doesn't matter what you do.
It doesn't matter how you abuse your body.

Speaker 34 It doesn't matter what kind of horrible chemicals you ingest. You're always going to go to sleep on a helix sleep mattress.

Speaker 34 And just some of this stuff, if you take too much of it, you might never get up again. But that won't be Helix's fault because

Speaker 34 they've come through with their part of the bargain. They've given you the best, most state-of-the-art, comfortable mattress ever.

Speaker 34 If you want to do black tar heroin intravenously on it and you end up dying and melting into the mattress, it's not their fault. They fulfilled their part of the bargain.

Speaker 33 I don't think melting into the mattress is part of the dying process

Speaker 33 overdose on heroin.

Speaker 34 If they they don't find the body for a few months, you melt into the mattress? You just kind of decompose right into the mattress.

Speaker 34 It's the same thing. And here's another thing.

Speaker 33 It's not the same thing.

Speaker 34 Here's another thing that's very similar. A lot of you people out there, the cult of Corned, they're getting up in age.
They're up almost as old as me in their 40s or 50s.

Speaker 34 Well, you can get bed sores from a lot of these garden variety mattresses, but these helixleep.com mattresses, boy howdy, I'll tell you what, I have been on them for years and have not gotten one bed sore.

Speaker 34 Take that for what you will. And why with that information as you see fit.

Speaker 33 And why don't we talk about that aspect of it, the fact that in your house in Castle Cornette, in my house in Last Manor, we both have multiple helix sleep mattresses and we love them.

Speaker 33 We have firm ones. We have ones that, I don't know what, not loose, but not as firm.

Speaker 34 We have a lot of loose ones.

Speaker 33 We have loose mattresses. I don't know where to go from here, but ladies and gentlemen, they have great mattresses.
We have a lot of them in our home.

Speaker 34 And not one time have either one of us ever got a bed sore. You know, if you lay on some of the cheap mattresses long enough, then your skin kind of grows into the fabric.

Speaker 34 And then when you peel it off, well, your skin comes with it. And goddamn, then you've got.

Speaker 34 I'll tell you what, we had pieces of Uncle Tommy on one of our old mattresses for months after he last slept here.

Speaker 33 But that was not a Helix Sleep mattress.

Speaker 34 No, it wasn't. That's why we changed.
We said, we've got to get a mattress that doesn't have so many pieces of Uncle Tommy on it. And that's when we found the fine folks at Helix Sleep.
Well, right.

Speaker 34 And folks, you just take a quiz.

Speaker 34 You just answer a few simple questions. It's not really an interrogation.
They do come to your house and shine a light in your eyes, but that's just to check your pupils and the dilation factor.

Speaker 34 But you take a quiz.

Speaker 34 And they pick the perfect mattress for you. Do you like sleep on your side or your back or your stomach or whatever? Soft, medium, firm, loose mattress, whatever you like.

Speaker 34 And then once they recommend one, you purchase it. It's delivered to your door.
It's in a box that one person can actually move around, this space age technology. You put it right where you want it.

Speaker 34 You take it out of the package and

Speaker 34 it just comes to life. And remember, it doesn't spring to life.
It slowly inflates to life.

Speaker 34 You're not going to get a broken nose or hitting the balls or anything when this thing just, it's not like you pull a rip cord and suddenly just bam.

Speaker 34 It doesn't do that. You got time to get out of the way.
So go to helixleep.com right now. Helixleep.com slash JCE.
That's H-E-L-I-X.

Speaker 34 HelixSleep.com slash JCE. They're offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows.
But you got to go right now and take that quiz and order that mattress.

Speaker 34 And I guarantee you, when that mattress shows up, there will not be one single piece of Uncle Tommy on it. Better sleep starts right now with helixleep.com.

Speaker 33 That's right. Better sleep with Helix Sleep.
I do approve of that. And I don't approve of going back to Raw, but let's let you finish what you started.

Speaker 34 Well, I will finish what we started. And also,

Speaker 34 do you have any pieces of your family members from the last time they slept there?

Speaker 33 No, why?

Speaker 33 On your mattress. mattress?

Speaker 34 Sometimes I think we moved on and you go back to the thing I well, I'm just give you a chance to respond if you know if you had anybody's skin or epidermis still stuck to anything from last time that they were we certainly don't and certainly not from Uncle Tom.

Speaker 1 This isn't just a game.

Speaker 4 It's a once-in-a-generation event.

Speaker 34 But that's the thing, is we just need about five more Heyman, six more Roman Reigns, and I never thought I'd say this, a couple more Sami Zayns.

Speaker 33 Well, make sure when you watch SmackDown, you watch the next match, which was Liv Morgan versus Lacey Evans.

Speaker 34 Oh, boy. You know what? I may need to scramble the signal on that one.

Speaker 34 You know, and I mentioned this earlier, Brian.

Speaker 34 You said you didn't want to Google certain things like I love you, Colonel Sanders, or how to have sex with a chicken or whatever it may be.

Speaker 33 No, no, no, no, no, that was not it. It was, is it legal to have sex with a sheep in Japan?

Speaker 34 Yeah, that's one of the things. And,

Speaker 34 you know, when you Googled it last time, you didn't think about it but now that we've been i've had these commercials i've never googled that i thought you were going to say you've never thought about it afterwards i've never thought about it regardless

Speaker 34 folks if you need to google where it's legal to have sex with a sheep or anything else then sometimes

Speaker 34 or anything else Sometimes you might not want everybody knowing what you're doing on the internet, right?

Speaker 34 And we've said that going online without something to protect your security on your internet system is like leaving your kids with the nearest stranger while you're using the bathroom.

Speaker 34 Most of the time, it's probably fine, but every once in a while, you end up having to buy that child back

Speaker 34 on the dark web. And those kids can get expensive enough just raising them normally without having to buy them back every couple of years.
So why would you ever want to risk that?

Speaker 34 That's a lot of money. As a matter of fact, a lot of kids are left in

Speaker 34 situations like that where their parents can't afford to purchase them back, and they end up becoming wards of the state and costing us all a bunch of money.

Speaker 34 But that's what happens to you, folks. No.
Every time you connect to an unencrypted network, you run the risk of having to buy your own children back from the dark web.

Speaker 34 And anytime you get on the internet in cafes, hotels, airports, whorehouses, the bunny ranch out in Nevada, basically any network that is not your own.

Speaker 34 Your online data is not secured. So any hacker on the same network can gain access to and steal your personal data.
I'm talking about your passwords, financial details,

Speaker 34 your Swiss bank accounts.

Speaker 33 Candid photography.

Speaker 34 Candid photography. That's a big one.
They're wanting to try to steal. The names of all of your

Speaker 34 people on Adult Friend Finder, anything.

Speaker 33 This is a

Speaker 34 Express VPN,

Speaker 34 those folks create a secure encrypted tunnel between your device and the internet so that hackers cannot steal your data.

Speaker 34 Once they build this tunnel that's in between the device, your device and the internet, they will take a gerbil or a small furry animal and run it through the tunnel to make sure there's no blockage.

Speaker 34 It seems to have a gerbil running around back and forth in between your tunnel on the first day.

Speaker 33 No, you won't. No, they don't.
And of course, this is a virtual tunnel.

Speaker 33 But to tie it back to what you're saying, if you were on Adult Friend Finder and you had a lot of friends, maybe you can use this virtual tunnel to hide them as they sneak out.

Speaker 34 Yes, because that's what your internet service provider does to you. You know, we've been talking about this and it's a growing problem.
I'm reading about it everywhere.

Speaker 34 When they come to your house to work on your internet, two guys show up. When they leave, only one leaves because the other one is inside your walls.

Speaker 34 And your internet service provider is is keeping an eye on what you do

Speaker 34 on your computer so that they can potentially sell that information to foreign governments or your own wife. So if you go to Express VPN, like I said, they build that tunnel.

Speaker 34 They come in with all kinds of heavy equipment. It won't take long, one or two weeks at most.
And there'll be a tunnel underneath your home all the way to your internet service provider.

Speaker 34 And inside that tunnel, they will put a guard dog to keep that guy that secreted himself inside your walls from coming out through the plugs and or the dryer vent in the middle of the night how would that happen what did you see that article on the news not article on the but a report on the news of the guy that was secreted in the wall and tried to come through the dryer vent in the middle of the night and and and the dog actually got him and stopped him ate his nose off when he was stuck there and he just he was stuck there his head was sticking out and the dog just came and started chewing on his nose.

Speaker 34 It was gruesome footage. But Express VPN will protect you from having your nose eaten by a dog.

Speaker 34 You won't even have to get inside the wall. They do it for you.
And folks, if now, if you're convinced that you need Express VPN worse than a sick man needs penicillin, and you should, because you do,

Speaker 34 all you got to do is go to ExpressVPN. Let me spell that for you: VPN, Expressvpn.com slash JCE.

Speaker 34 You fire up the app, you click one button, you are instantly protected.

Speaker 34 And there's no protection like ExpressVPN. I'm telling you,

Speaker 34 the chances of you impregnating anyone once you're protected by ExpressVPN are nil. And you'll get three extra months free when you slash JCE.

Speaker 34 Go to expressvpn.com slash JCE, three extra months free. Protect your devices, your laptops, your phones, your tablets, your plug-in vibrators, whatever you need to protect.

Speaker 34 Express VPN will keep an eye on it for you. So you can just put it down sometimes just on the sidewalk and walk off.
Express VPN will be keeping an eye on it. You'll know where it is at all points.

Speaker 34 Express VPN.

Speaker 33 You may get so nervous that you don't eat breakfast, you don't eat lunch. You have to make sure you eat dinner, but whatever you eat, you have to make make sure you're eating something healthy.

Speaker 33 And we have something brand new we can tell the listeners about, something that is healthy and delicious. And that is our friends at Factor.

Speaker 34 And you managed to utter all that, Brian, without ever saying anything legible to tell people what Factor is. Folks, I'll tell you what factor is.

Speaker 34 Factor is the best eating you're going to be doing with the least amount of effort. Because Factor.

Speaker 34 has ready-to-eat meals that keep you fueled up and feeling good no matter how crazy your your schedule may get. You know, fall is a busy time for a lot of people.
It's always busy around here.

Speaker 34 It's always busy where you are, Brian. A lot of people don't have time to sit down and cook these multi-course meals.
But at the same time, you want to eat healthy.

Speaker 34 You want to eat, you say you want your protein, you want to get good protein, or you want to eat keto-friendly or calorie-smart or vegan and veggie?

Speaker 34 Vegan and veggie or vegan and veggie? Why isn't it vegan then? If it's veggie, why isn't it vegan?

Speaker 33 Well, there's two different things. Being a vegan is different than

Speaker 33 not being a veggie, but being a vegetarian.

Speaker 34 Well,

Speaker 34 it's pronounced differently, and why? But nevertheless, if you need to get good food, stick to a special diet, don't have a lot of time to spend prepping things. You go to factor.
That's what you do.

Speaker 34 We've already actually gotten some of the, you know, Stacy's doing the keto diet, and she got the keto-friendly stuff, and she's, it's just so delicious.

Speaker 34 But no matter what kind of diet you're on or what kind of schedule you keep, you don't have to spend six to eight hours in the kitchen anymore, you know, cooking

Speaker 34 the beef from scratch. You know, you got to go out, you got to kill the cow, you got to cut it apart, you got to lug it up the hill to the kitchen, you got to roast it over an open flame for hours.

Speaker 34 No more of that.

Speaker 34 How many hours does it take you to fix a cow, Brian?

Speaker 33 I've never had to fix a cow, thankfully.

Speaker 34 I thought you liked beef, so you're a vegan?

Speaker 33 I'm not a vegan or a vegan or a vegetarian or whatever you're trying to say. I like cows.
I don't personally have anything to do with the handling of the cow.

Speaker 34 You got nothing against the cows. It's just when it's time for them to die, it's time for them to die.
But you don't take it matters into your own hands.

Speaker 33 I don't even want to be there when the death is happening. I just want to hear about it.

Speaker 34 So you just want people to come and scream at you, the cow must die.

Speaker 33 Oh, a whisper would probably be better, but yes, let me know what's going on. Why are we talking about this? Why are we talking about

Speaker 34 because it takes hours to kill and fix your own dinner anymore?

Speaker 34 Especially now that it's harder than ever to find wildlife. You've got to spend hours just searching for it before you can hunt it down and kill it and then drag it home and then cook your own dinner.

Speaker 34 Well, the people at Factor are knocking this schedule, this time schedule, down to minutes. They make it fast and easy and healthy, like we mentioned.
Prepared meals delivered to your door.

Speaker 34 They offer 30 plus meals a week and 36 plus

Speaker 34 seems like an awful specific number to then add plus to. Add-on options, smoothies, juices, and snacks, no matter what you're looking for.
They have a commitment to ingredients with integrity.

Speaker 34 All of these ingredients, folks, are honest as the day is long.

Speaker 34 If you have bacon before that pig was killed, it never told a lie in its life. Ingredients with integrity, and they're flexible.

Speaker 34 You can change your order up every week with plans from four to 18 meals a week. 18 meals a week? What kind of goddamn diet are you on?

Speaker 33 Well, you have to have multiple meals a day. What are you talking about? Who are you calling a big hog?

Speaker 34 I'm somebody who's eating 18 meals a week, for heaven's sake.

Speaker 33 How many meals a week do you eat?

Speaker 34 How many days are there?

Speaker 33 There are seven days in a week.

Speaker 34 Well, and I eat seven meals.

Speaker 33 Dude, one meal a day?

Speaker 34 Yeah, it takes a while to eat that much food. Anyway, they offer fast, simple solutions, as I mentioned, with the protein plus meals or the keto-friendly meals or all the other kind of meals.

Speaker 34 They've got that, the protein plus has 30 grams of protein or more.

Speaker 34 And the best part about

Speaker 34 it's cheaper than carry-out and takeout and all the Uber Eats and the delivery services. It's cheaper than all that stuff.
It's restaurant quality chef crafted

Speaker 33 chef crapped there is no chef crap involved with this food chef crafted

Speaker 33 god damn you they crash your food they don't crap your food for the record

Speaker 34 it's chef crafted recipes they will not crap in your food

Speaker 34 however it's also dietician approved so you got that going for you.

Speaker 34 And I'll tell you, as I mentioned, it's delivered right to your door.

Speaker 34 Ready-mailed meals. Ready-makes,

Speaker 34 son of a bitch.

Speaker 34 Ready-made meals that are mailed right to your door.

Speaker 33 As a matter of fact,

Speaker 34 if you get the best program, the guy shows up and you got to tell him now. They're very punctual.
He'll show up at noon. Then again at 6 p.m., right with your door with that meal.

Speaker 34 They must have the microwave in the car because it's hot when he hands it to you and if you give him a 20 tip he'll stick it in your mouth and rub your throat until it goes down so you don't

Speaker 33 that's not it and he was even saying that you're diminishing the greatness of factor which is they deliver fresh food maybe i just got the right delivery guy who was in a frisky mood that day i'm not sure but they give you fresh food nothing that's ever been frozen and

Speaker 33 you can heat it up in a microwave or if you're if you have a palate that you want something that tastes a little better you can put it in your oven and do it the right way. But it is delicious.

Speaker 33 We've been eating it here. And I have to say, they have a chicken Parmesan dish that was delicious.
And I couldn't believe how fresh the chicken was. It was like the bird has just been killed.

Speaker 34 And he was an honest son of a bitch, too, before he met his demise. He'd never told a lie in his life.
The bird? That's right. Like I said, they've got ingredients with integrity.

Speaker 33 The animals themselves have integrity.

Speaker 34 They certainly do. That's what I was saying.

Speaker 34 You get a piece of bacon, bacon, that pig never told a lie in his life, never cheated anybody, never stole anything.

Speaker 33 But what about?

Speaker 34 Don't have you know the cow that I ate week before last used to help old ladies across the street.

Speaker 33 What about the options that have no meat? Because, of course, our friends who don't like meat, they'll be taken care of as well.

Speaker 34 Well, yeah, but what are you? Out of your mind? You think they can get a piece of broccoli with integrity? Broccoli can't speak at all.

Speaker 34 Broccoli never tells a lie.

Speaker 33 You don't think broccoli has integrity?

Speaker 34 Broccoli's not able to have integrity. Broccoli has no personality.

Speaker 33 In any cartoon that I've ever seen, broccoli portrayed as having legs or arms or a personality, usually they wear glasses and they seem pretty on the ball.

Speaker 33 I've watched a lot of Sesame Street with my kids.

Speaker 33 I watch a lot of Sesame Street with my kids. And I'm watching you put down broccoli.

Speaker 34 All right, well, none of the broccoli and the dinners from Factor come from Sesame Street.

Speaker 34 Folks,

Speaker 34 you want to know how to get in on this at this point.

Speaker 34 You want to know how to have healthy meals pre-prepared with nutritious ingredients that are good for you and approved by dieticians.

Speaker 34 You want to know how to have those brought to your house, whether or not you get the friendly delivery boy that rubs your throat so you don't have to chew, and you wouldn't believe what he did for dessert.

Speaker 33 You won't get that. It'll be delivered the same way all parcels are delivered to your house by a professional who will leave.

Speaker 34 Even if a professional who will leave, well, he left when it was time

Speaker 34 but even if you don't get claude to deliver for you folks like i did and now just take a piece of paper huh claude claude like the iron claw no claude oh like claude patterson my thumb yes yes i thought you meant you were going to claw the people like a bobcat or something no no

Speaker 34 I was talking about the delivery guy I got that was kind and went the extra mile for me. That's why I wrote down his name and phone number to have him come back.
Claude?

Speaker 34 Claude, yes.

Speaker 34 But anyway, if you've got a pen and a piece of paper, folks, you're going to write down the information on how to get in on this healthy, delicious food, these pre-prepared meals that are ready in minutes, that are delivered to your door, that won't make you fat, or won't, they'll fill you with protein.

Speaker 34 If you're a vegan or a veggie, they won't fucking hurt you, whatever the case may be.

Speaker 33 Delicious food that's healthy and fresh. It really is good.
I've been a big fan of it.

Speaker 34 Well, I just look down at people that don't eat meat.

Speaker 33 I eat meat.

Speaker 34 It's well, I'm not talking about you.

Speaker 33 Well, you said I'm not.

Speaker 34 I'm not talking about all those medians and veggies out there.

Speaker 33 There's always a chance they can convert. Why are you going to put them down and ruin any chance they're going to even consider this? Because they'll think the people that eat meat are jerks.

Speaker 34 I just, I know they're trying to take care of animals, but you know, thing is, somebody's going to eat that cow now.

Speaker 34 But nevertheless, if you'll go

Speaker 34 to here, to this, this, you go to go

Speaker 34 geo.factor, f a ctor seventy-five

Speaker 34 dot com

Speaker 34 slash jce one thirty.

Speaker 33 Say that again,

Speaker 33 say that again.

Speaker 34 I intend to, I intend to, and I can already see comments we're going to be getting about this. Now, write this down, folks.
Go geo.factor, f a c t o r seventy dot com

Speaker 34 slash JCE130

Speaker 34 and use the code JCE130 to get $130

Speaker 34 off across six boxes of these fine nutritious ingredients and meals.

Speaker 34 So again,

Speaker 34 go dot factor75.com slash JCE130.

Speaker 34 And if it's worth that much to you, you'll get $130 off across six boxes of the fine meals that you pick and choose for yourself. And you can pause these things.
You can restart them.

Speaker 34 You can add, you can subtract. You can do all kinds of stuff.

Speaker 34 It's amazing.

Speaker 34 You'll be eating this stuff forever.

Speaker 33 Factor.

Speaker 34 Yes. Factor75.com slash, no, go got go.factor75.com

Speaker 34 Use the code JCE130.

Speaker 33 And I think what you meant to say is go.factor75.com slash JCE130.

Speaker 34 That's what I thought I said.

Speaker 33 I was just reiterating and use the code JCE130.

Speaker 34 Yes.

Speaker 34 Do you think they wrote that down by now?

Speaker 33 Go.factor75.com slash JCE130? Yes. Sounds like a robot, doesn't it?

Speaker 34 Sounds like a fucking robot with Tourette's. Anyway,

Speaker 34 it's your program, but that's factor, and they're delicious.

Speaker 34 So is just

Speaker 34 getting a group of young people to like your shit without anybody from any other age group who thinks it may be stupid, silly, illogical, fake, phony, not worth my time, or poorly fucking acted,

Speaker 34 then isn't that a recipe for disaster? Aren't you kind of,

Speaker 34 you know, appealing to an audience that you know by history and tradition and trend is going to go away fairly quickly?

Speaker 33 I think wrestling's making a lot of mistakes.

Speaker 33 That's your question.

Speaker 33 Yeah.

Speaker 34 Well, I tell you what, if I do, you know, I don't know what I'm going to do. I may have to send out an audition tape or I may have to get my resume together.

Speaker 34 Or, you know, what I'm going to do if wrestling goes away and I need to find a new line of work, Brian, I won't have anything to talk about anymore.

Speaker 34 I guess, well, maybe how am I going to support myself? In the stock market, you know, the stock market's sideways, right?

Speaker 34 It's up, it's down, it's all across. You can't trust it anymore.
You can't trust stock markets anymore. And, you know, all the prices are up of everything except your 401k.

Speaker 34 But you know who's making money, Brian? Who's just taking it in hand over fist?

Speaker 33 Who's that?

Speaker 34 Our friends at Masterworks.

Speaker 34 I mentioned this on your program the other day:

Speaker 34 that so far they have had an average net return of 29%

Speaker 34 to their members that have invested in the fine art through Masterworks. Because as we know, everything,

Speaker 34 collector plates,

Speaker 34 gold, silver, precious metals, diamonds, everything goes up and down.

Speaker 34 But Masterworks, I'm talking about the Shakespeare's and the Van Gogh's and the Rembrandts and the people who really do the great stuff that stands the test of time down through the ages.

Speaker 34 When's the last time you heard of a discount sale on a Picasso?

Speaker 33 Huh? Oh, never.

Speaker 34 When's the last time you clearance?

Speaker 34 Got to get all these Rembrandts out of here.

Speaker 33 I wish I'd be there.

Speaker 34 Prices slashed the bat doesn't happen.

Speaker 34 And that's why the folks at Masterworks are helping people make money because, like I said, average net return of 29% so far on just six exits, as they say.

Speaker 34 That's the, you know, that's in the trade. That's what they call it.
And last month, they sold another painting and got a 33.1% return.

Speaker 34 And as we've mentioned, everybody from me and Brian to Scott Steiner will tell you that means that you've got a 33.1% chance.

Speaker 33 No, not this again.

Speaker 34 of making some money with Masterworks. They've got an A-plus rating from the Better Business Bureau, and those things don't come cheap.

Speaker 34 They had to spend a fortune to bribe those people to give them that.

Speaker 33 There was no bribery. It was genuinely earned.

Speaker 34 That's true. They covered it up on the paperwork, and they can do the same thing for you, folks.
You want the crooks working on your side.

Speaker 33 There are no crooks involved with Masterworks.

Speaker 34 That's right, folks. These crooks here are innocent.

Speaker 33 There are no crooks in.

Speaker 33 There are no crooks involved with Masterworks.

Speaker 34 Well, okay, you know.

Speaker 33 And they are innocent. And they're not crooks.

Speaker 34 They are. Art connoisseurs is what they are.

Speaker 33 They're art and

Speaker 34 these

Speaker 34 art art. They're completely like babes in swaddling clothes.

Speaker 34 And these paintings that they buy that you get a piece of and you have a stake in the appreciation value of them and then the eventual sale, these paintings, you can barely tell where the cat burglar has cut them out of the frame in the gallery.

Speaker 34 It's amazing. They use a sharp knife and just zip, zip, and it's right out of that frame.

Speaker 33 There is no stolen artwork or no artwork that was attained on the black market that is a part of anything that you would be purchasing with Masterworks.

Speaker 33 It's all legitimate artwork that has been legitimately obtained, and there are no legal issues whatsoever.

Speaker 34 And in over 80% of the cases, the painting was actually painted by the person that signed it. Ladies and gentlemen, 100%,

Speaker 33 let's get away from the Steiner math. 100% of the artwork is legitimate.

Speaker 34 Yes, it's legitimately painted on canvas by people who purchased purchased those paints. And folks, you, again, can be a part of this.
You can own a piece of a piece of fine art.

Speaker 34 And when it sells, you can cash in. And you can, you know, if you move to the Philippines with 60 grand in cash, you can live like a king, from what I understand.

Speaker 34 But you can do anything you want to with this money. Just make sure it's in small bills when they hand it over to you.
Folks, right now, so many of you have signed up.

Speaker 34 They want to offer my listeners priority access so you can skip the wait list and no waiting around.

Speaker 34 And that's the worst part about being involved with Masterworks is waiting around on the sidewalk outside of the museum where Masterworks people are going in and obtaining the art because you got to wait on a sidewalk and kind of look around and make sure nobody's coming.

Speaker 33 That's not how it works. You have to wait nowhere and no one is doing anything illegal or illicit.
Of course, you just, in a legitimate fashion, purchase.

Speaker 33 I can't,

Speaker 33 I can't even speak. It makes me so mad.
You purchase a piece of fine art. And what is better than that? What a great investment.

Speaker 34 Well, if you, again, purchase a piece of fine art, and then you can skip the wait list. You don't have to be waiting out on the sidewalk.
All you got to do is use our link.

Speaker 34 Go to masterworks.art slash gym. That's masterworks.art slash gym.
And you can find out all about what we're talking about. And you'll see that.

Speaker 34 Brian's, you know, sometimes misrepresenting things, but I try to straighten him out.

Speaker 34 And you can see important Regulation A disclosures at masterworks.com/slash CD because those disclosures, well, that's in case you have to hire an attorney over this situation,

Speaker 34 you may want to read through this just so you'll be prepared. Masterworks.art slash gym.
You know what the problem is, don't you?

Speaker 33 Yeah, the booking's never been worse.

Speaker 34 No, it's that they're not listening to the right people.

Speaker 33 That's true.

Speaker 34 See, what Tony Khan is doing is he's listening to the voices in his head,

Speaker 34 and he's doing what they tell him to do. But the problem is, he doesn't have his Raycon wireless earbuds in.

Speaker 34 So those are not really announcers or broadcasters or people that he's listening to that might know what the fuck that they're talking about.

Speaker 34 It's his own psychopathic voices inside his head that's giving him bad advice because the first thing that he should do is know not to listen to himself, right?

Speaker 33 You're asking me to confirm that Tony Kahn should not listen to himself?

Speaker 34 Yes.

Speaker 33 In anything or just in wrestling matters?

Speaker 34 Just if anything. If he says to himself, he says, self, I ought to turn left, he ought to turn right.

Speaker 33 Well, I wouldn't say that, but I would say

Speaker 34 he should go against every natural instinct that he has.

Speaker 34 And he should listen to other people. And they'll sound great if he's listening to them on those Raycon wireless earbuds.

Speaker 34 Folks, if you see people walking down the street, having a conversation with themselves, nobody else with them, but they're talking or they're singing, it's not because they're crazy.

Speaker 34 It's because they're listening to what they want to listen to on their Raycon wireless earbuds. And these things, they're so perfect to go in your ears, you can't even tell you got them in.

Speaker 34 People can't even see them.

Speaker 34 As a matter of fact, let's say, for example, you go to Las Vegas and you go in the casino and you get in one of those high-stakes poker games where millions of dollars can be won or lost.

Speaker 34 If you wear your Raycon wireless earbuds and you make arrangements with a compadre or cohort, they can get binoculars and look at the other people's hands and they can broadcast what they have in their hands to you.

Speaker 34 courtesy of the Raycon wireless earbuds. And people will never know that you have them in.
They better never know you have them in because if they find out, that means you're trying to cheat.

Speaker 34 And since it's Las Vegas, they will have you taken out behind the casino and all your legs will be broken.

Speaker 33 That is not the best. Your legs, three legs, what?

Speaker 34 Well, no, Raycon wouldn't do it. Right.
The casino people would do it. The guys with the broken noses would do it.
The Guido and Vito, they would do it.

Speaker 33 Oh, hey, that's discriminatory, but certainly people that work in a casino would love to break the legs of anyone who's cheating. That's true.

Speaker 34 They break both your legs, all three of your legs. How many legs you got, they'll break them.

Speaker 34 So that means that what you need to do is you need to get the special Raycon everyday wireless earbuds that are flesh colored.

Speaker 34 So that way, when you're cheating at cards at a casino in Las Vegas, people don't know you have these things in your ears because they won't fall out. Trust me.
They will not budge.

Speaker 34 We've talked about how once they go in, they're in there for a while. You just try to get them some bitches out.
And you'll get quality audio at half the price of other premium audio brands.

Speaker 33 And you'll also be able to get them out of your ear at any point you want.

Speaker 34 Well, the other premium audio brands jack the price up significantly and try to cheat you, but Raycon doesn't do that. They want your repeat business and they want you to be happy.

Speaker 34 That's why they've got over 50,000 five-star reviews. And many of those reviews come from ear, nose, and throat doctors who have taken.

Speaker 34 Raycon wireless earbuds out of patients' ears or noses or throats. Nope.
And they use them themselves and they find that they sound better than the ones that they've had as well.

Speaker 33 That may sound nice, ladies and gentlemen, but it's not true.

Speaker 34 Well,

Speaker 34 nobody has actually proven it, but I suspectify.

Speaker 34 Anyway, they got three customizable sound profiles. They've got the earbud tap functions.
Anytime you want to tap one of these earbuds, you're allowed to.

Speaker 34 And also, there's the noise isolation mode and the awareness mode.

Speaker 34 So you can either isolate yourself from noise, which is what you want to do most of the time, because let's face face it, the whole world today is just one big headache, or when occasionally you want to become aware of your surroundings, then you tap that, and suddenly you have full awareness and consciousness, and you can speak on the same plane as the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi.

Speaker 33 Very good, very, very good.

Speaker 34 Right now, full awareness, folks, right now, go to buyraycon.com. That's B-U-Y-R-A-Y-C-O-N.

Speaker 34 That's so melodious. Buyraycon.com and use the code JCE15 to get 15% off your Raycon order.
That's code JCE15 at buyraycon.com. 15% off.
You can listen to music. You can listen to podcasts.

Speaker 34 You can block out your nagging wife and

Speaker 34 annoying children.

Speaker 34 You won't even hear the noise of the oncoming train if that's the way you want to go out in a flame of glory.

Speaker 33 Don't, we don't advise that. Nope.

Speaker 34 No, especially not on the bridge. But, you know, sometimes you got to do what you got to do.
No, you don't.

Speaker 33 You got to do the right thing.

Speaker 34 You got to do the right thing. Sometimes the right thing would be stepping out in front of that train.
It just depends on what your situation is.

Speaker 33 Well, it depends on the person. There's a few people I'd like to see step in front of a train, to be honest with you.

Speaker 34 Yes, it might not be best for them, but it'd be best for us.

Speaker 33 I don't know if they're going to do it willingly.

Speaker 34 Yeah, well, sometimes people have to be coerced. BuyRaycon.com.
JCE15 is the code 15% off. Boy, howdy, you'll love the way these things feel when you stick them in your ear hole.

Speaker 36 It's the Kia season of New Tradition sales event. So don't just hang your own lights.

Speaker 11 Venture out and look for the northern lights.

Speaker 36 Drink cocoa on the beach.

Speaker 36 Or be a drive-by karaoke caroler. Because every new Kia comes with a 10-year, 100,000-mile limited powertrain warranty, so you can take holidays to places they've never been.

Speaker 36 See your local Kia dealer or visit Kia.com to learn more. Kia, movement that inspires.
See Kia Dealing for warranty details. Event ends 1226.

Speaker 34 If it is not their number one priority

Speaker 34 to make the shit as legitimate looking and believable as possible, then they're not doing their jobs right because they're putting out bad fucking movies.

Speaker 33 Well, perhaps they want to see those movies in a safe fashion. Without having it on their normal ISP.

Speaker 33 Perhaps they want to find a way to transition to something more pleasant and fun, like you butchering a spot for a wonderful advertiser. Oh, come on.

Speaker 33 Of course, I'm talking about our friends at ExpressVPN.

Speaker 34 I don't butcher anything, and I always do commercial spots with the utmost in taste and integrity in mind. But let me ask you a question, Brian.
Do you ever take a shit with the bathroom door open?

Speaker 33 I don't typically talk about my shit making or taking whatever you said there.

Speaker 34 I'm not talking about you talking about what kind of shit or the consistency of it or the fucking weight or the quantity or anything I'm just asking

Speaker 34 positioning geographically.

Speaker 33 I think as a general rule, it is the obligation of the shitter to close the door and also put the fan on.

Speaker 34 Well, yes, but you're not comfortable if you're trying to take a shit and a bathroom door is open, right?

Speaker 34 Probably not. You can't mentally relax.

Speaker 33 Probably not.

Speaker 34 You're exposed, all your little dangly bits, and

Speaker 34 you're in a highly vulnerable position where your pants are around your ankles and your shirt's kind of tucked up in the back so the shirt tail doesn't droop down and, you know.

Speaker 33 I'm home. I'm taking off my shirt.

Speaker 34 Well,

Speaker 34 you can take your shit. If you're one of the people who prefers to take your shirt off, take a shit.
I can't. At home.

Speaker 33 At home.

Speaker 34 At home. Well, and then there's the problem also when you're taking a visiting shit.

Speaker 34 Well, in somebody else's home, you can do the same thing, but in like a public bathroom or a truck stop or things like that, time is also a factor because especially if it's busy, the pressure gets on you when you see feet start standing around like they're in line.

Speaker 34 And now the pressure is on you. And it's hard to perform under pressure a lot of times.

Speaker 34 And then sometimes when you go into some of these places, they don't have a goddamn door. on the stall.

Speaker 34 So you have to figure, well, should I just try to do this and quickly and get out of here, even though I am exposed.

Speaker 34 And then when you got your pants around your ankles, you're trying to keep your pants off the floor because generally in a place like that, there's piss on the floor also.

Speaker 33 Hey, listen, while this is a scintillating conversation, I believe we were supposed to be talking about Express VPN. I don't know.
Well, I'm getting there.

Speaker 34 I'm getting there. See, because here's the thing.

Speaker 34 You don't take a shit with the bathroom door open because all your private parts are exposed and your dangly bits and things that can be seen and potentially mocked or made fun of.

Speaker 34 And it's, and especially when you're in a situation, you know, where you don't have a stall door at all to close, well, then you have some decisions to make.

Speaker 34 And that's only acceptable in a few types of businesses to have bathrooms without stall doors. And generally, you know, then everything's up for grabs.

Speaker 34 But it's the same thing, Brian, if you're exposing your privacy. as well as your private parts.
You don't want random people passing by, looking at you, taking notes, talking about the smell.

Speaker 34 Like Mama Cornette used to say, it smells like something crept in, crept, and crept out.

Speaker 34 You don't want people to do that. So why would you want them to do it online, Brian? Using the internet without Express VPN is like going to the bathroom and not closing a door.

Speaker 34 People are just wandering by looking at all your private parts and your dangly bits. Your internet service provider, that's what those ISPs are, they know every single website you visit.

Speaker 34 Maybe that's why you didn't want to Google is it legal to fuck sheep in Japan the other day?

Speaker 33 Well, there's a lot of reasons why, but that would certainly be one of them.

Speaker 33 I wouldn't want anyone to see that I was doing this, but I would never do it to begin with, so I don't have anything to do with it.

Speaker 34 Well, you can take one of those worries off your mind with Express VPN

Speaker 34 because not only are they not going to be able to see it, but they also will not be able to sell that information to ad companies and tech giants.

Speaker 34 And I I know it's common knowledge, everybody that Googles the legality of sheep fucking gets all kinds of advertisements for wool sweaters in the fall and all kinds of advertisements for animal husbandry and things of that nature.

Speaker 34 And that's why, because they sell your information. But ExpressVPN puts a stop to it, creating that secure encrypted tunnel.

Speaker 34 Even a funnel. It's going to funnel the information from one place to the other without the ISP

Speaker 34 or the state police, the KSP, Kentucky State Police, or any of the other police agencies able to know what you're doing.

Speaker 34 So,

Speaker 34 therefore, if your black market business has been down

Speaker 34 because you're getting stooged off, you know, and you're trying to sell illegal plutonium or, you know, other necessary ingredients in today's

Speaker 34 charged atmosphere on the internet, ExpressVPN can help you with the plutonium transfers, the black market. No.

Speaker 34 Well, now the black market child labor is a no.

Speaker 33 No child labor, no plutonium.

Speaker 33 There won't be any plutonium involved in this or any other ingredients or chemicals or biological products that can be considered hazardous or dangerous or that any government in the world does not allow you to transfer back and forth.

Speaker 33 That's not

Speaker 33 talking about what Express VPN is.

Speaker 34 That's not what we're talking about here. And also, if you're going to buy a person, they have to be over 21.

Speaker 34 you can't say that well if you're if you're in the market for soylent green also what you you soylent green

Speaker 34 you've got to use express vpn but anyway it works on everything phones laptops even routers so everybody that shares your wi-fi all your friends and neighbors all the people that live behind you in the other side of the parking lot no next to the target you don't share your wi-fi with strangers jim well you don't think think you do, but that's why ExpressVPN is going to come in and clean this situation out and make sure everything's on the up and up or the down low or the K-Fade.

Speaker 34 And the best part is using ExpressVPN is as easy as closing that bathroom door. Or if you're one of those locations that does not have a bathroom door, they'll put a piece of plywood up.

Speaker 34 in front of you and the people who are going to stand around and watch you take a shit.

Speaker 34 You just fire up that app, click one button, pull your pants up and buckle your belt and you're protected and they are the world's number one rated vpn by mashable

Speaker 34 and the verge so

Speaker 34 you've got a magazine about potatoes and the the verge didn't they have a hit with

Speaker 34 bittersweet symphony the verve

Speaker 33 yeah the verge yeah they had the verve and then they found out who alan klein was and he got all the rights to that song they actually just got it back a a couple of years ago.

Speaker 34 Well, that's good for them. Did they went through Express VPN then?

Speaker 33 No, Alan Klein died. That's what happened in the 1980s.

Speaker 34 Oh, well, did ExpressVPN kill him?

Speaker 33 No, ExpressVPN. Our sponsors don't kill people.
Let's be clear about that. What they do is help people, and they can help you, ExpressVPN.

Speaker 34 Well, they'll root those internet service providers out of the walls of your house. I'll tell you that.

Speaker 34 What they do with them once they take them off your property is none of your concern, and best not you ask any questions.

Speaker 34 Folks, if you're like me and believe that your online activity is your business or you don't like to take a shit in public, secure yourself by visiting expressvpn.com slash JCE today.

Speaker 34 Use my exclusive link. That's what that slash is, expressvpn.com slash jce,

Speaker 34 and you'll get an extra three months protection free, free three months on top of all this other protection.

Speaker 34 You're going to be invulnerable.

Speaker 34 You're going to be protected and you'll just be able to, hell, you'll be able to drop trowel and just take a big poop anywhere you want out in public from now on because you'll be protected.

Speaker 34 Nobody will be able to see you. Just go to the next Walmart parking lot closest to you, get in the middle of it, and just drop trowel and fire off a chocolate rocket.

Speaker 34 Let the fudge monkey out of his cage. Drop the Browns off at the Super Bowl.
Nobody will be able to see you because you will be protected and covered up by Express VPN.

Speaker 34 Anyway, uncontrolled chaos, Canada's remarkable professional wrestling legacy. Thank you, Vance Nevada.

Speaker 34 I'll tell you, you know, if it wasn't for historians like this, Brian,

Speaker 34 we would be in the dark. We wouldn't know what the fuck was going on.

Speaker 34 And that's why now it's so important. We've got to salvage this history now that the newspapers are online, now that all this information, all this research is online, you can just tap into it with

Speaker 34 the touch of a fingertip on the keyboard. But you don't know what you're getting into these days when you get on the internet, right?

Speaker 34 It's a dark and disturbing place.

Speaker 33 Well, it can be, of course, unless you protect yourself.

Speaker 34 Well, you got to be protected.

Speaker 34 You don't raw dog a hooker behind a dumpster in an alley off of Broadway

Speaker 34 without being protected.

Speaker 33 And you don't go to that in the spot 20 seconds into the spot.

Speaker 34 I wasn't even in the spot.

Speaker 33 Raw dog a hooker.

Speaker 33 Jesus.

Speaker 34 Well, especially if she happens to be from Brazil, Colombia,

Speaker 34 points south like that. You don't want to do it.
You want to be protected. You want to be covered up.
You know, here's something else. I mentioned this the other day on your program.

Speaker 34 You don't want to take a shit without closing the door. You're exposing exposing all of your private dangly bits to perusal and examination by others.
And that's the same thing.

Speaker 34 You're exposing your dangly bits with that hooker in the alleyway over the dumpster off of Main Street. You don't want to expose your privates.
Just lay them out there.

Speaker 34 Just have them out laying in the sun, ready for everybody to come and step on. or kick or puncture or mistreat in whatever way.
You don't want to do that, do you, Brian?

Speaker 34 You wouldn't lay down on Broadway naked with your legs spread out, your balls hanging over a manhole cover, and just let people walk up and kick you in them, would you?

Speaker 33 Well, not since I was in my 20s, no, but apparently that is a big thing. A lot of people like to tan their testicles now.

Speaker 34 I don't know why, but well, but even if you're tan in your backyard where you could let the

Speaker 34 polo ponies roam free, not in the middle of the street where people can look at them and inspect them and mistreat them.

Speaker 34 Well, that's the same thing you're doing really virtually when you're on the internet and you're not protected and you're not covered up and you don't have

Speaker 34 a raincoat over your fingertips so you don't get any on you. You don't want to get any of this stuff on you.

Speaker 34 But fortunately, Express VPN can prevent the four diseases of the apocalypse, the syphilis of the keyboard, the gonorrhea of the internet,

Speaker 34 the various STDs that you can get from getting on

Speaker 34 the internet unprotected, and all of it goes into your computer and it'll drive your computer insane. You know, the keyboard syphilis that's going around these days,

Speaker 34 eventually it's madness and death for your computer. You'll know

Speaker 34 if you take your computer's temperature regularly, you'll know by that. That's an early warning sign.
But

Speaker 34 if your computer starts jumping up and down and running around the room and kicking things and screaming, that's a good indication that you have keyboard syphilis.

Speaker 34 So anyway, the friends at ExpressVPN, they can cover you up on all this stuff. No more communicable diseases and no more people staring at your private dangly bits.

Speaker 34 You know your internet service providers. They are looking at your dangly bits.
They know every single website you visit.

Speaker 34 And they can sell this information to the ad companies and the big tech giants who's going to use that data to target you. Have you heard about this? They're targeting you.

Speaker 34 And now you may be walking down the street on the way home from a Cub Scout meeting and you'll never see it come.

Speaker 34 And suddenly a giant crowbar swings out from behind a tree and your brains are grape jelly. What do you do?

Speaker 33 Because they're targeting you. What are you talking about?

Speaker 34 They're watching you. They're following you.

Speaker 33 They're targeting you. Who is?

Speaker 34 I just said

Speaker 34 the big ad companies and the tech giants. They're using your data to target target you.
There may be snipers in the trees. No.
You never know. You can't go outside because you're being targeted.

Speaker 34 But ExpressVPN is going to put a stop to it. They're going to create a secure encrypted tunnel between your device.
I guess that's what we're calling it these days, your device.

Speaker 34 Well, you know, hey, the equipment. Yeah, wink, wink, nod, nod.
But this tunnel goes from your equipment. to the internet so that your online activity can't be seen by anybody.

Speaker 34 Your equipment will go straight through this encrypted tunnel right into the internet to the porn that you're watching and nobody's going to be able to see what you're watching

Speaker 34 and you can use what am i telling

Speaker 33 keep going keep going

Speaker 34 you can use

Speaker 34 express vpn

Speaker 33 you okay over there

Speaker 34 you can use express vpn on all your devices As I said, that's what we're calling them now. It works on everything.
Phones, laptops, routers, even

Speaker 34 the Ditillator Mach 3, it works on that too.

Speaker 34 So that way people won't be, you know, you can find those where you can wire them up to the, and you can buzz them from remotely and send people a greeting. Anyway.

Speaker 33 Raw dog.

Speaker 34 The best part is using Express VPN is as easy as closing the bathroom door or picking your

Speaker 34 balls up off Main Street, putting them back in your pants and walking on.

Speaker 34 That's easy to do also, but ExpressVPN, you just fire up the app, you click one button, and you are protected.

Speaker 34 No more communicable diseases that you will contract from the internet service providers knowing

Speaker 34 everything about you and what you're doing and targeting you for persecution and expulsion and expatriation.

Speaker 33 Expulsion?

Speaker 33 Expatriation?

Speaker 34 They're going to kick you out of the country. They're targeting you.
They're on your back.

Speaker 33 The advertisers?

Speaker 34 All of them. They want rid of your ass.

Speaker 33 Why would they want to get rid of people?

Speaker 33 Because we know too much.

Speaker 33 But you want to know how to get this.

Speaker 33 Well, no one will accuse us of knowing too much, but we're talking about express VPN.

Speaker 34 Yes, we are.

Speaker 33 And

Speaker 34 if you want to know how to get this done, if you're like me, folks,

Speaker 33 then we're sorry. We're very sorry.

Speaker 34 If you're like me and believe your online activity is your business and nobody else's business and a business you need to keep to yourself at all costs,

Speaker 34 secure yourself by visiting expressvpn.com/slash JCE today.

Speaker 34 That's an exclusive link.

Speaker 34 Expressvpn.com slash JCE. You'll get an extra three months of this fine protection free.

Speaker 34 Don't let your dangly bits get cut and fall off and roll down into a storm drain. That's expressvpn.com slash jce three months free and peace of mind knowing that your device will be protected.

Speaker 33 Every week, and I hate to say it, the women's match causes a hemorrhage of viewers.

Speaker 33 No matter what part of the show it's in, it seems like, and usually it's always in the same part of the show, but it causes a mass exodus of viewers.

Speaker 33 And we could all like women's wrestling, we could all like the best women's wrestlers out there, and we could all want the best for it, but there's a reality that needs to set in at some point.

Speaker 34 Well, you know what? When you're hemorrhaging, that's not a good thing, Brian. It's not good to hemorrhage.

Speaker 33 What are you going to transition to? This can't be.

Speaker 34 It's not good to hemorrhage. And I thought you were going to say, you know, the hemorrhoids, because it's not good to have the hemorrhoids either.

Speaker 33 Why did you think I would say that?

Speaker 34 Well, it's one of those hem words, hemorrhoids, hemorrhage.

Speaker 34 It goes right in together. Sometimes you have hemorrhoids and they hemorrhage.

Speaker 34 And I'll tell you what, you can stay off the hemorrhoids and the hemorrhaging

Speaker 34 in one simple way. That's the last thing you want to do is wake up first thing in the morning and either have a hemorrhoid or have it hemorrhage.

Speaker 34 So you wake up every morning, you have a good, healthy breakfast that enables your evacuation capacity to work at 100%.

Speaker 34 And as well, to make sure that you don't have any sugar and carbohydrates and additives and preservatives and chemicals all clogging up your bloodstream so you don't hemorrhage. hemorrhage.

Speaker 34 So if you want to save yourself from either bleeding to death or falling out your own asshole, ladies and gentlemen, you need to eat a good breakfast. What?

Speaker 33 We should just say it in a nice way.

Speaker 33 Ladies and gentlemen, it's a good idea to begin your day with a healthy breakfast, a nutritious breakfast, something that'd give you protein, something that'd give you some good taste.

Speaker 34 Yes.

Speaker 33 And we have a wonderful cereal to talk about right here as I commandeer this spot. Yes.
Our friends at Magic Spoon.

Speaker 34 Yes, they do. And yes, they are.
And yes, you will to all those things that you just said.

Speaker 34 Because folks, the last thing you want to do, like I said, after you eat breakfast, is either bleed to death or fall out through your own assholes.

Speaker 33 So

Speaker 34 what you're doing is you're eating good from the start of your day. Magic Spoon, you used to like to eat all this shit when you were a kid.
Kids don't get hemorrhoids.

Speaker 34 But as you're older, you'll find out that you need to make sure that everything that goes through your digestive tract is amenable to your body and its orifices and its various chemical makeup.

Speaker 33 Eat more fiber. That's why.

Speaker 34 Yes, fiber, because that's what Magic Spoon will do for you. They put all the good stuff in, including taste, and taking out all the bad stuff.

Speaker 34 Each serving of Magic Spoon cereal contains zero grams of sugar, 13 grams of protein, and less than five grams of net carbs. It's low-carb, keto-friendly, gluten-free, grain-free, and and soy-free.

Speaker 34 And it's only 140 calories of serving. And boy, you got that fiber you mentioned too.
That'll keep you shitting like a goose, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 34 It will just, I'm telling you, this magic spoon lubricates your inner digestive system where everything just

Speaker 34 will slip out there like whale shit in an ice flow.

Speaker 34 And you've got options with over eight unique flavors over eight. Let's see: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
There's nine. That's over eight.

Speaker 34 Cocoa, fruity, frosted, peanut butter, blueberry muffin, maple waffle, honey nut, cookies and cream, and cinnamon roll.

Speaker 34 And they all taste great like those classic cereals of old without all of the gunk in it.

Speaker 34 So whether you like the flavor or the texture or whether you like the fact that every time you eat this, Why, it's just like an evacuation, a fire hose coming out of your anal orifice with all of the the bad ingredients that have been stored up in your body for who knows how long.

Speaker 34 Do you know that sometimes bits of undigested beef can lodge themselves in your colonic tract and be there for years?

Speaker 33 Ladies and gentlemen, what he's trying to say is that different people find different things entertaining.

Speaker 33 But what you don't have to worry about, and I can't believe I'm going to have to say this, is any unusual defecation. It'll be normal defecation.
It won't cause you to have any pain.

Speaker 33 We just said it won't be fire coming out or anything else.

Speaker 34 Like a fire hose.

Speaker 33 You don't have to worry about this. You just have to worry about a nice breakfast.
Isn't that right, Jim?

Speaker 34 That's right. Just don't bend over in the kitchen.
You're liable to knock glasses off the kitchen table.

Speaker 33 No, you won't, unless there's an earthquake.

Speaker 34 Well, it'll sound like an earthquake when you let one of those fucking farts rip after a big old bowl of magic spoon, folks. It gets all of the bad stuff out of you.

Speaker 34 It gets the gases and the chemicals. It'll just be flushed from your system.

Speaker 33 Normal, healthy farts.

Speaker 34 Yes.

Speaker 34 That's what we're looking for. We're trying to get you away from where you are now.

Speaker 34 And that's with Magic Spoon.

Speaker 33 So go.

Speaker 33 All right. So go.

Speaker 34 Go. Walk out the door.

Speaker 34 Just turn around now. You're not welcome anymore.
Go to magicspoon.com slash gym

Speaker 34 and you can get a custom bundle of cereal and try the magic for yourself. You will think that David Copperfield has woven his magic wand over your anal orifice and blessed it.
Stop it.

Speaker 33 What are you doing?

Speaker 34 Because you'll feel good.

Speaker 33 Does he have a magic wand?

Speaker 34 David Copperfield, he's a magician.

Speaker 33 Yeah, but he uses his hands.

Speaker 34 He's not the Dickens character, but the magician.

Speaker 33 Is he a magician or an illusionist? Because there's a difference.

Speaker 34 Well, sometimes he can be a pantomimist

Speaker 34 or a flautist.

Speaker 34 You know, if you don't like this magic spoon for any reason, they will refund your money. No questions asked.
I'll tell better people than me. I'd be asking a lot of questions.
I'd crack down.

Speaker 34 There are some parameters you have to follow. You have to submit a financial statement proving that you need the money.
Nope.

Speaker 33 That doesn't have to be.

Speaker 34 And also send in your last three months.

Speaker 34 bank records and your last two years income tax returns. But

Speaker 34 once they evaluate your financial profile, they won't be doing that.

Speaker 34 So remember, magic spoon.com slash Jim. Use the code Jim to save $5 off at checkout for the custom bundle of any of these wonderful flavors.

Speaker 34 And it even makes the bathroom smell good afterwards.

Speaker 34 Every time you take a poop in the morning, your whole bathroom will smell like cookies and cream, cinnamon roll, or maple waffle.

Speaker 33 We cannot promise that, and Magic Spoon doesn't promise that.

Speaker 34 And if you have midnight snacks, your whole bedroom will smell like honey nut.

Speaker 34 Magicspoon.com/slash

Speaker 34 Jim.

Speaker 34 Use the code Jim to save $5.

Speaker 34 Thank you, Magic Spoon, for

Speaker 34 the time you've spent with us.

Speaker 34 It was a good run.

Speaker 33 Well, Jim, I can't speak about Kanye West or whether or not he's mentally ill, but I can tell you after this segment and after the last few days I had, I could really right now use a nap.

Speaker 33 If only I had here in my office right now my healing sleep mattress.

Speaker 34 Well, you know, you could order one and have it delivered to your office door in a box that you could carry even in your COVID-riddled condition.

Speaker 34 And you could just open that box and watch it come to life right there in the floor and just lay down and do the show.

Speaker 34 That's what you could do.

Speaker 34 It's a great idea and you know they're quick boom boom it's delivered straight to your door and post-haste i would say after you order the thing that's what you because that way you know that's probably what's going on with these kanye west and these pete davidsons you don't want to let that happen to you because davidson didn't do anything wrong let's just clarify

Speaker 34 he was just living he's just a disheveled drug addled bum will you stop it he's not drug addled but here's the thing didn't he on all kinds of drugs i've seen seen him on some kind of shows talking about being on all kinds of them drugs.

Speaker 33 But that's not drug-addled if you're taking medicine.

Speaker 34 He's probably shooting up the marijuana pills.

Speaker 33 Oh, my God.

Speaker 34 But I'll tell you what, here's the thing, folks. If you don't get a good night's sleep, then you're going to end up looking like Kanye West or Pete Davidson.

Speaker 34 But you won't be a star on Saturday Night Live, and you won't be a big music star, and you won't have a ton of money, and you won't have a 10-inch appendage.

Speaker 34 You'll just look like disheveled bums wandering Central Park because they haven't got a good night's sleep. Do you want that to happen to you, Brian? Do you want that to happen to you?

Speaker 33 No.

Speaker 34 Well, if you don't, get with the program. The way you're going to get the best night's sleep is with the Helix Sleep mattresses.
We've been talking about them forever.

Speaker 34 And if you haven't still made available the opportunity to yourself to get these things, well, you're just plum loco is what you are. Now, look at what they give.

Speaker 34 Not only do they have tons of different mattresses, 14 unique mattresses, including luxury models. They got mattresses for big and tall sleepers.

Speaker 34 If you're seven feet tall or 600 pounds, well, God bless you. You're going to need to do something.
You're not going to live a long life. But you can sleep on a good mattress while you're around.

Speaker 34 Now you say maybe you want a... You want a mattress, but you're not sure about buying one that you haven't slept on.
Because, you know, sometimes you go to these mattress stores, right?

Speaker 34 And they have overeager sales associates. They're asking you probing questions about what kind of positions you like.
That happens to me all the time.

Speaker 34 There's nothing worse than that, except last time I went to buy a mattress in a store, Brian, the guy said, well, take a nap on it. See if you like it.
I said, okay.

Speaker 34 Well, I took my shoes off first, but I curled up. I'd been asleep about 30 minutes.

Speaker 34 I woke up to try to turn the light off, and there, the son of a gun was laying right next to me, snoozing away with a comforter over the both of us. I felt awkward.

Speaker 34 You don't want, and that won't happen with Helix.

Speaker 33 No, it will not.

Speaker 34 No, because you do it right online. You take the Helix sleep quiz and it takes into account your individual sleep preferences to match you and your partner or partners.

Speaker 34 Who are we to tell you how to live your life? With the absolute perfect mattress and a hundred nights risk-free to try it out. For a hundred nights, you are risk-free.

Speaker 34 But now I've said this before and I've been corrected by you, Brian.

Speaker 34 I assumed if you were risk-free for a hundred nights, that meant nothing bad could possibly happen to you for a hundred nights because you were completely risk-free.

Speaker 34 But you've told me that I'm in error with that, that Helix does not guarantee that, correct?

Speaker 33 They guarantee you'll be happy with your mattress.

Speaker 34 But you're not completely risk-free for the whole hunt. It's only when you're on the Helix mattress that you are risk-free and nothing bad can happen to to you.
Well, no. If you get up,

Speaker 34 if you get up and go out and publish, who would want to go out in public in these uncertain times? Nope. But that's where you're taking your

Speaker 33 hands.

Speaker 34 And even if you get up and piss, you can fall down the stairs. They're not going to cover you for that.
It's only when you're laying on this mattress that you are risk-free. As a matter of fact,

Speaker 34 if you buy it and keep it and don't ask for your money back, which they'll happily give you, then depending on what you buy, you got a 10 or 15-year warranty.

Speaker 34 That means that as long as you're laying on this helix mattress for the next 10 or 15 years, nothing could happen to you. You're under warranty.

Speaker 33 That's exactly not right. What they're saying is there's no financial risk.
Like you said, they give you your money back. There's a money-back guarantee.
That is

Speaker 34 doctor bills. That's a financial risk.
If you're older, if you're like in your 60s by now, your time is running out.

Speaker 34 What I'd do is I'd buy one of these mattresses, get the 10 or 15-year warranty, and never leave this mattress. Don't get up for any reason.

Speaker 33 You could

Speaker 34 fall down the stairs, whatever the fuck.

Speaker 33 You'll get bed sores. That's not a good idea.
You'll get bed sore.

Speaker 34 Well, there, you're covered for that because you're on the helix.

Speaker 33 That's not the way. No, that's not the way the risk-free process worked.
It's there's no financial risk. You could try it out.
Make sure you enjoy it and you will. It's a fantastic mattress.

Speaker 33 I'm going to have one delivered to my office door shortly. And get your money back if you actually don't like it, which

Speaker 33 you will love this mattress.

Speaker 33 Anything that happens to you when you're on the mattress, listen, if you're on the mattress and a tornado hits, it has nothing to do with you. You're covered.
No, you're not covered.

Speaker 33 Unless you have good insurance.

Speaker 34 You'll be covered one way or another with your house or they'll find you under the mattress.

Speaker 34 But the mattress will still be sleepable, even if you're a corpse after the tornado blows you five miles down the road.

Speaker 33 How did this happen?

Speaker 34 How did this happen? Well, it's because of the unique and qualified manufacturers that Helix uses. That's how it happens.
And they're all, it's American-made stuff.

Speaker 34 You don't have to worry about any kind of foreign ingredients that could grow spores that will take over your body during the night because everything comes from the USA.

Speaker 34 A team of skilled manufacturers works on this, and they don't let those people out until they finish. So, because Helix

Speaker 34 manufacturing facility,

Speaker 34 they control the means and production.

Speaker 33 They run everything with accordance to whatever local. They run everything with an iron hand.

Speaker 34 I'll tell you what. And local ordinances be damned.
They're going to get this quality product out to you

Speaker 34 because they control the means and production at Helix.

Speaker 33 With workers going home at a normal hour after a 40-hour work week.

Speaker 34 Well, sometimes you need to support the workers, and sometimes you need to support the administration.

Speaker 34 But Helix supports military, first responders, teachers, and students by giving them a special discount on the site, which, have we mentioned, is Helix, H-E-L-I-X,

Speaker 34 helix sleep.com.

Speaker 34 That's what the website is. And if you go to helixleep.com slash J-C-E,

Speaker 34 then the fine folks there at Helix that control the means in production are offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners because we don't want you people to end up like Kanye West and Pete Davidson and potentially the COVID-riddled Brian last.

Speaker 34 Last.

Speaker 33 Well, I do have COVID.

Speaker 34 And your brain fog is coming in, I can tell you. But anyway, the number one mattress pick by Wired magazine.
And

Speaker 34 if you can sleep on something while you're wired up to a dagum, to an outlet or a machine or something like that, it's great. It's recommended by multiple leading chiropodists.

Speaker 34 Or is that chiropractors?

Speaker 34 Well,

Speaker 34 one of the chiropodists or the chiropractors,

Speaker 34 what are they, chirop?

Speaker 34 And doctors of sleep medicine like this thing, too.

Speaker 33 Doctors of sleep medicine.

Speaker 34 Yes. That's something I aspire to.

Speaker 34 I wonder if, well, I probably can't say that. They probably don't.

Speaker 34 Nevertheless, if you're nervous about buying a mattress online, don't be.

Speaker 34 Because they've got over 12,000 five-star reviews. Helix.

Speaker 34 We love them.

Speaker 34 And just don't zip anybody up in that little pouch on the side.

Speaker 33 Oh, stop it. Stop it.
And for real, actually, we have a Helix downstairs.

Speaker 33 One of the helixes in the house is in the guest quarters, and we've had house guests recently, and they love the Helix sleep mattress.

Speaker 34 And see, and those are people

Speaker 34 that have no, they don't have any dog in his fight because you've never met them before.

Speaker 34 No, there was no preconceived material and nothing was worked out ahead of time. You just let some people wander in your house and said, hey, sleep on this mattress and tell me what you think.

Speaker 33 That's not exactly how you do it.

Speaker 34 And they raved about it. Did you ever find that silverware?

Speaker 33 It was family. I knew them.
However, they didn't. They were all related to each other.

Speaker 34 It's not often you find an entire homeless family.

Speaker 33 It's not often you go 10 minutes talking about Helix Sleep mattresses. And,

Speaker 33 well, we could, we could do an hour on helix sleep now that I think about it.

Speaker 34 I could do eight hours every, I do every night. HelixSleep.com/slash JCE.

Speaker 5 The Harlem Globetrotters 100 Year Tour.

Speaker 34 I hope that Punk doesn't know any connected guys in Chicago up there in the land of Al Capone, or some of these people might be sleeping with the fishes. What do you think, Brian?

Speaker 33 I don't think anything about that.

Speaker 34 Have you ever thought about sleeping with the fishes?

Speaker 33 Nope, never once.

Speaker 34 It's not pleasant. I'll tell you what.
It stinks and it's slimy and it's very cold.

Speaker 33 Well, no, the expression means you'd be dead, not that you'd actually

Speaker 33 be physically sleeping with.

Speaker 34 Occasionally, you get finned. You get finned by them fish when you're sleeping next to them.
And that'll change your mood in a hurry to get finned by a fish.

Speaker 34 But I'll tell you, folks, our friends at Helix Sleep, they'll make sure you're not sleeping with the fishes. They will make sure, folks, that you are sleeping in a cloud of comfort, of relaxation.

Speaker 34 You'll be floating, weightless,

Speaker 34 unable to control your bodily functions.

Speaker 34 You'll lose track of time and space.

Speaker 33 Well, this is not getting, it's getting less pleasant, not more pleasant. I don't know if you realize that.

Speaker 34 Well, no, if you really want to relax, you know,

Speaker 34 if you really fully relax, first thing you're going to do is fill your britches up. But folks, again, they make, huh?

Speaker 33 I don't know why you make me think these things, but because you do, I'm going to ask. If you were floating in space

Speaker 34 and somehow you could breathe, would you go to the bathroom would you just let it go into space i wouldn't go to the bathroom there'd be no bathroom in space would you relieve yourself would you empty your bowels into space well only if i was naked but if i was naked what would i be doing in space naked i'd have to have a space suit on because i'm in space well then you've just shit in your drawers but no one knows what the future holds

Speaker 34 could you be naked with a hell just like a helmet with breathing apparatus on and then you could be naked as a jaybird just letting it all hang out there like you were the day you were born.

Speaker 34 And then, because you're weightless, that means the various bodily fluids and substances would be weightless also. So, if you fired off a chocolate rocket, it would just float slowly upward, right?

Speaker 33 I guess that would be weightless. And there's also, of course, no weight for helix sleep and they're fine mattresses.

Speaker 34 That's right. You don't have to wait a single minute.
All you've got to do is jump on helixleep.com and take that sleep quiz. because folks, that's what they do.

Speaker 34 You don't want to go to the store and get a mattress because as I've mentioned, I always have a problem.

Speaker 34 Every time one of the salesmen tells me I can take a nap on it, 20, 30 minutes later, I wake up, son of a bitch is curled right up next to me, and he's hogging the covers.

Speaker 34 You never know what might go on there or what has gone on. Well, I can assure you that most of the mattresses that Helix Sleep delivers, it's a first, you're going to be the first person on it.

Speaker 34 I'd say at least 80, 90%.

Speaker 33 100% of the time, you will be the first person on on your brand new Helix sleep mattress.

Speaker 34 Well, sometimes they got the money back guarantee.

Speaker 34 If you don't like it for any reason, even if it's just you being a fucking asshole, well, then they'll give you the money back and sell it to somebody else.

Speaker 33 No, they will give you your money back and someone else will get a brand new Helix sleep mattress.

Speaker 34 You mean to tell me if they give you your money back on one of these mattresses, they don't turn around and sell it to somebody else? They just eat that whole cost? How do they stay in business?

Speaker 34 Apparently, nobody asked for their money back on these things.

Speaker 34 Apparently, they're just perfect as they are, and nobody asked for their money back because they'd give it to them. And fuck, if that happened often, well, they'd be out of business.

Speaker 34 And then a perfectly good mattress. It's only been

Speaker 34 slept on for a hundred nights. That's the risk-free time.
You can try it out for a hundred nights. You've only slept on it for a hundred nights.

Speaker 34 Depending on who you are, that means you've fornicated on it, what, anywhere from 2 to 50, just depending on who you are.

Speaker 33 Why does your mind go there?

Speaker 34 Well, what else are you going to do on a mattress besides? It's like the hotel, you know, that ought to have the sun out. Sleep, fuck, sleep, fuck, sleep and fuck.

Speaker 34 Because what else are you going to do?

Speaker 34 A mattress. You're going to sleep.
You're going to fuck.

Speaker 34 And apparently, every once in a while, you know, the kids in Kookamonga will practice wrestling moves on them, but we don't recommend that. You could hurt your mattress.

Speaker 33 It's such a unique idea. It's going to be the next Marriott Marriott chain.
Marriott Sleep and Fuck.

Speaker 34 Marriott Sleep and Fuck. And they'll have Helix Sleep mattresses in them, folks, because again,

Speaker 34 everybody's unique. Everybody is shaped differently and everybody sleeps differently.
And that's why the mattresses that Helix Sleep sells you, they're mostly shaped the same.

Speaker 34 They don't really make the mattress shaped like you. It's big enough for you to be on.

Speaker 34 But it's unique in that everyone sleeps differently, so they got different mattress models to choose from, depending on what position you'd like to sleep in and whether you like soft or hard.

Speaker 34 A lot of people in bed, they like hard. That's up to them.

Speaker 34 And sometimes, you know, if you want, let's say you want to sleep standing on your head with your ass leaned up against the bedroom wall.

Speaker 34 Now, that may be odd, but Helix will probably have a mattress for it. You got to go to helixleep.com, take the quiz.

Speaker 34 Takes like two minutes, and then they will recommend the best mattress they make for you, And then they send it right to your door. And you could even carry it to wherever you want.
It's in a box.

Speaker 34 It's amazing. And once you cut the box open, it just kind of

Speaker 34 doesn't spring to life. It blossoms to life.
It's not going to put your eye out or anything.

Speaker 34 Unless you, you know, don't bend over too close.

Speaker 33 It's not going to put your eye out or anything. Let's just stop with that.
That's a true statement. That's a true statement.

Speaker 34 You know, sometimes like those canned biscuits that you get when it says press the spoon next to the seam and it just pops and it scares you to death and sometimes you know people have been killed by shrapnel from those biscuits canned biscuits canned you you don't you ever eat canned biscuits i don't even know what you're talking about no the pillsbury canned biscuits The biscuits that you bake in the oven?

Speaker 34 Yes, they come in a can. You pop the can open.

Speaker 34 It's a violent opening.

Speaker 33 I've never heard any calls. Because they're under pressure.
I've never heard anyone call it the canned biscuits.

Speaker 34 The canned biscuits.

Speaker 34 Well, a helix mattress is under pressure.

Speaker 34 So you got to open it and you got to just allow a little room. But nevertheless, you won't feel any pressure on a helix sleep mattress because

Speaker 34 it will send you into a medically induced coma-like sleep that you will wake up from most of the time.

Speaker 34 Chances are.

Speaker 33 It will send you into a very normal, relaxing sleep, which you will wake up from.

Speaker 34 Yes.

Speaker 34 The preponderance of evidence indicates that most of you will wake up feeling refreshed.

Speaker 34 But you don't want to take my word for it. They've been awarded the number one mattress pick by GQ and Wired Magazine.
I didn't know that GQ and Wired Magazine joined forces.

Speaker 33 No, I don't know.

Speaker 33 Two separate entities.

Speaker 34 Is that for cocaine addicts that dress well, GQ and Wired?

Speaker 33 I don't know if the coke heads re-GQ anymore.

Speaker 34 It's even recommended, folks, by multiple leading chiropodists and doctors of sleep medicine.

Speaker 34 Chirofractors, one of those medical professions, and once again, a guarantee risk-free and a 10 to 15-year warranty.

Speaker 34 So you got to, I don't know if it's transferable. If you're over 60.

Speaker 34 Well, a 10 or 15 year warranty might not be a big deal for you because you know you're probably not going to see most of that. But if you're a young person, this could be a big deal.

Speaker 34 So, again, right now,

Speaker 34 Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners. That's right.
When you're sleeping with the fishes, you don't want to put your head on something hard.

Speaker 34 You want to have a nice pillow there just for the halibut. Go to helixsleep.com/slash JCE, up to $200 off mattress orders and two free pillows with Helix.

Speaker 34 Better sleep starts now

Speaker 34 and the rest of your life starts tomorrow. And a journey starts with but a single step.

Speaker 34 And start me up, start me up.

Speaker 34 You better start me up.

Speaker 33 Well, it is your show.

Speaker 33 You start yourself up.

Speaker 34 I couldn't remember the rest. What was the next line?

Speaker 34 If you start me up, you start me up. I'll never stop.
That's what it is. I guess there is because it doesn't make sense.
It's for all the lonesome people. It just doesn't fit.

Speaker 34 Lonely does fly off the tongue better.

Speaker 33 That's right. Well, perhaps if you're.

Speaker 34 Oh, and by the way, speaking of my tongue.

Speaker 33 No, that's not.

Speaker 34 John Fell in Baltimore.

Speaker 34 I'll tell you what, he did the best thing for mine and Stacy's tongues both because that was Saturday night dinner I mentioned, by the way, at Brendan's.

Speaker 34 But Halloween night, we were right here in the castle, and I cooked the big old ribeyes, and we had some G ⁇ M crab cakes that John Fell sent us, which he does each year as a habit to celebrate our anniversary.

Speaker 34 And they are the, that's the only thing at Brendan's that wasn't the best that I've ever had, because G ⁇ M crab cakes are the best crab cakes I've ever had. I've been to Baltimore.
I've had crabs.

Speaker 34 I've done it all. And these are the best crab cakes.

Speaker 34 And they come and they come and you just put them in the oven, boom, and they're delicious, tremendous. So we had two big dinners.
Thank you, John Fell.

Speaker 34 All right, now I'm done.

Speaker 33 Well, I was going to say, perhaps if you're lonely, one of the reasons is you're very hairy.

Speaker 33 There is something you can do about that. And I'm not talking about John Fell.

Speaker 34 You know, well, and I have no knowledge of whatever John does in the privacy of his own home or his crotch.

Speaker 34 to do with that would be between him and his lovely wife who is equally assigned an NDA on that very subject and is not allowed to comment, even though they asked her in the course of the investigation, John Fell's wife could not comment on his grooming.

Speaker 33 However, in Baltimore.

Speaker 34 In Baltimore, after that fucking rotten transition, folks, we should say that Thanksgiving is coming up.

Speaker 34 It's close. It's almost here.

Speaker 34 And boy, you're going to be thankful because this holiday season, no longer will you be trimming your balls with howls of golly

Speaker 34 because

Speaker 34 you're not going to be, oh, now, see, that's not even in the coffee, and that's why it popped you.

Speaker 34 Because

Speaker 34 you are not going to be nicking yourself and cutting yourself and slicing arteries and bleeding out all over your mother-in-law's, you know, fine carpet in her bathroom or wherever the case it may be where you're trying to chop all those weeds off your crotch and you make a mistake.

Speaker 34 That's not going to happen this year. You know, bleeding to death is the number one way that most people screw up holiday parties at their in-laws' house.

Speaker 33 Were you aware of that? I'm not aware of that. Are you aware of that? Is that an actual proven statistic? Are you

Speaker 34 a statistic that I just verbalized right here, and I don't know what the fuck else I've got to do.

Speaker 34 But I'll tell you what, man, if you're wanting to trim your pumpkins and make sure your turkey and its stuffing are looking like dessert and smelling like Thanksgiving dinner, you You gotta have the Manscaped Performance Package 4.0 this time of year, don't you?

Speaker 34 I say, do you?

Speaker 33 I would think so. I guess so.
I would say you do.

Speaker 34 You certainly do.

Speaker 34 If your holiday spreads good now, imagine what it's going to look like when you've got it all cleaned up.

Speaker 33 Spread this.

Speaker 34 Spread this, son of a gun. Performance package 4.0

Speaker 34 has the lawnmower 4.0 trimmer, the weed whacker ear and nose hair trimmer, the crop, or the cop preserver.

Speaker 33 If you're crop, you need preserving.

Speaker 34 The crop preserver ball deodorant, you just roll this on your balls and your balls will roll around there smooth and

Speaker 34 not smelling stinky. The crop reviver toner, the performance boxer briefs, a travel bag to hold all your goodies.
I'm talking about the Performance Package 4.0.

Speaker 34 Now you already have a bag to hold your other goodies, but it's literally a cornucopia of your gonad supplies down there.

Speaker 34 And, you know, the Lawnmower 4.0 has that cutting-edge ceramic blade, but that's the only time we're going to use the word cut in this thing because it's cutting-edge technology that won't cut your edges or even your wrinkles or sags or droops or folds or whatever the fuck else you got down there.

Speaker 34 That's what the problem is.

Speaker 34 When you're going in there with one of Landon's riding mowers and trying to navigate those close turns around your mulch beds, that's where these things sometimes go sideways.

Speaker 34 And the aforementioned statistic about bleeding to death, ruining your in-law's holiday party comes into play.

Speaker 34 But with the performance package 4.0 and also the weed whacker, you can stick this thing up your nose, in your ear, down your throat. I don't know if you've

Speaker 34 well, if you've got hair in your throat, chances are you need to...

Speaker 33 See a doctor, but you could use this in your nose and your ears. That part is correct.

Speaker 34 That is correct. Well, to see a doctor if it's your own hair, if it's somebody else's hair, just quit being nasty.

Speaker 34 And folks, again,

Speaker 34 you can take a shower

Speaker 34 with the

Speaker 34 Manscape refined body wash and the brand new signature body buffer.

Speaker 33 Yeah.

Speaker 34 That's the lost buffer cousin. There was was Michael, there was

Speaker 34 Bruce, and now body.

Speaker 33 Body was

Speaker 33 buffer. Yes.
Body buffer.

Speaker 34 And he'll say, it's, yeah, let's get ready to manscape.

Speaker 33 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's a trademark catchphrase.
You can't use that. You'll get in trouble.
I can't.

Speaker 34 Well, then let's not get ready to manscape.

Speaker 33 No, no, we want to talk about manscaping again.

Speaker 33 They are.

Speaker 33 Let's get ready to get sued.

Speaker 34 Folks, you you can give yourself the lather and rinse that your body deserves and then potentially repeat if you are so inclined.

Speaker 34 Lose the loofah and exfoliate your mates down there in the jungle, down in the jungle room. Well, we're walking in Manscaped.
We're walking with our crotch hair on the floor.

Speaker 34 Folks, you can get 20% off in free shipping. with the code drive d-r-i-v-e at manscaped.com.
That's 20% off in free shipping at manscaped.com.

Speaker 34 When you use the code DRIVE, be thankful this holiday season for the best gift of all from Manscaped.

Speaker 34 That is, if you clean yourself up enough and you don't stink too bad, you don't have hair all over everywhere, you might actually get laid without having to pay for it.

Speaker 34 And I know everybody gives thanks for that. Manscaped.com.

Speaker 33 Well, it's certainly no prize to watch Raw.

Speaker 33 However,

Speaker 33 transition time, ladies and and gentlemen.

Speaker 34 As you hear the sound of a power drill in the background, Brian Last is going to drill in and zero in on his next subject.

Speaker 33 Perhaps on another Monday Night Raw, the World Series won't be rained out. And you'll be able to watch that game and wonder, I wonder who will hit more home runs tonight.
Or better put,

Speaker 33 how many home runs will Player X hit tonight?

Speaker 34 Or better put, well, I wonder, wonder, oh,

Speaker 34 who's gonna win prize picks?

Speaker 34 You want your daily fantasy, you want to make your entries, you want to make your player projections, and select more or less. Well, I wonder, wonder, oh, but oh,

Speaker 34 who's gonna get rich on prize picks? You know, you can win a lot of money at this horse shit.

Speaker 33 And I'll put this up, folks.

Speaker 33 Now, say, what's the matter with you?

Speaker 34 No, we're talking dollars here. We're talking De Niro, big bucks.
We're talking cashola,

Speaker 34 cash-ish, even. You can win this stuff.
They even give you some. If you give them some, they'll give you some.

Speaker 34 It's like my favorite number, not 69, 68. Give me one, I'll owe you one.
That's what Nikolai Volkov used to say.

Speaker 34 It never made sense when you broke it down, but it was funny the way he delivered it, what with his accent and everything.

Speaker 34 However, let's say that you want to win some money and you know something about sports and you want to play not against other people,

Speaker 34 but against the projections,

Speaker 34 because you've heard about these things. They've been on the news.
Now there's

Speaker 34 projections of people. I guess they call them holograms.
And you can play against these holograms of people. Now, you don't want to play against...

Speaker 34 I don't know, Bear Bryant or George Steinbrenner or some expert, but if you just find a projection or a hologram or whatever they call it of just some random nitwidth that doesn't know anything about sports, you could probably win.

Speaker 34 Have you seen these projections? They look lifelike.

Speaker 33 I mean, I've seen projections from prize picks, and of course, I've seen holograms. I don't know.

Speaker 33 I'm not exactly sure what you're saying, to be quite honest.

Speaker 34 Oh, wait,

Speaker 34 well,

Speaker 34 it's playing you versus the projections on prize picks. I thought that meant that they actually projected into your house an opponent for you.
What are the projections on prize picks?

Speaker 33 Well, they have a projection for a certain game or a sort,

Speaker 33 I can't even talk,

Speaker 33 or a certain athlete, what they'll do that day. Let's say it's one of the greats on the Mets when baseball season was happening before the playoffs ended for the Mets.

Speaker 33 And you could say, I think this player, Starling Marte, is going to steal three bases today.

Speaker 33 And then prize picks may say, you're crazy. We project two stolen bases.
Why do you have me explaining this? Why don't you explain it?

Speaker 34 Well, the important thing is somebody going to call the cops. This guy's running around stealing shit right and left.
Somebody needs to bring him to justice. Well, they've given us some copy here.

Speaker 34 For example,

Speaker 34 you can say, hey, tonight I'm taking Patrick Mahomes to throw for more than 320 passing yards, Derrick Henry to rush for less than 85 yards, Cooper Cup to score more than 0.5 touchdowns.

Speaker 34 Now, how can you do it? Have they changed the rules of football? Do they credit you sometimes for half a touchdown?

Speaker 34 I thought if you made a touchdown, it was pretty much all or nothing, kind of like being pregnant. But if

Speaker 34 Cooper's

Speaker 34 cup, if Cooper's Cup scores more than 0.5 touchdowns, you could win some money. See, that's how it works.
That's what's going on. I understand now.

Speaker 34 You just, you pick two to five players, and if they score more or less, or do more or less,

Speaker 34 or win more or less, or lose more or less, well, you more or less win. You can win up to 10 times your money on any entry.

Speaker 34 And Prize Picks offers projections on any sport you watch: NFL, NBA, MLB, NHL, PGA, college football, men's college basketball, women's college basketball, soccer, WNBA, esports, NASCAR, tennis, MMA, boxing, disc golf, Euro basketball, cricket, cockfighting, and many more.

Speaker 33 No cockfighting.

Speaker 34 They scratched that one out. They must have discontinued that.
You can make entries in 60 seconds or less. It's that easy.

Speaker 34 And as you have heard by Brian's succinct explanation, it's very easy to understand. You can make safe and fast withdrawals.

Speaker 34 And it's even easier to make deposits. And they're currently operational, which apparently means legal, in over 30 states in Canada, but they're growing.

Speaker 34 You know, we got 20 states that are just lagging behind. And right now, folks, download the PrizePicks app or go to prizepicks.com.

Speaker 34 That's prize as in prize, picks as in P-I-C-K-S,

Speaker 34 prizepicks.com to sign up and play now first-time users. Get a 100% instant deposit match up to $100 with the promo code JCE.
If you put in $100, PrizePicks will give you $100.

Speaker 34 If you deposit $50, they'll give you $50.

Speaker 34 If you try to take out something without depositing something first, they'll call the law on your ass. And don't forget to enter promo code JCE at sign up for an instant deposit match of up to $100

Speaker 34 and figure out whether Tyreek Hill is going to catch less than three and a half passes.

Speaker 34 If you catch a half a pass, doesn't that mean you drop the other half? But still, if you want a wrestling match that you didn't rely on furniture and big budget and,

Speaker 34 you know, ridiculous run-ins, fall draws, smoke and mirrors, whatever the case,

Speaker 34 SmackDown had two of them: Ricochet and L.A. Knight, which got L.A.

Speaker 34 Knight over to move him on further, and Gunther and Mysterio, that was a heck of a TV main event, and they didn't use any furniture or insult anybody's intelligence.

Speaker 34 But that was SmackDown.

Speaker 33 It certainly was. And some people,

Speaker 33 I don't know where I was going with that.

Speaker 33 Speaking of insulting your intelligence, let's transition, ladies and gentlemen, and talk about some of the things

Speaker 34 insulting your looks.

Speaker 33 To some of the things that some of the wrestlers may have had to do before they went to Saudi Arabia.

Speaker 34 Well, there's a variety of

Speaker 34 things that you could consider in that case. And I'll just pick one at random, you know, because I'll tell you, folks, it's the holiday season is coming up.

Speaker 34 It's never too early to start thinking about gifts.

Speaker 34 If you've got a man in your life, and apparently most of our listeners are men, we've found a few stray women in the wild out there, but most of our listeners are quite male.

Speaker 34 Didn't we score recently as the number one podcast to attract a male audience over 18?

Speaker 34 And only because some of the teenagers and young folks ain't admitting that they listen to us, or we'd probably get, you know, the six and up.

Speaker 34 Just put them, set them right down, listen to the program.

Speaker 33 But no bad idea. No, no, no.

Speaker 34 Well, you know what? You've got kids.

Speaker 33 They don't listen to the program.

Speaker 34 You know what goes on.

Speaker 33 But anyway, they're watching Peppa Pig. They're not listening to this crap.

Speaker 34 Watching Peppa. Well,

Speaker 34 I'll tell you, I'm thinking about salt and Peppa in them. Pepper Pig.

Speaker 33 Peppa, not Peppa Pig.

Speaker 34 It's Peppa, Peppi Pig?

Speaker 33 Peppa.

Speaker 34 It's never too early to start thinking about gifts for the holidays, whether it's for a friend or the friends in your pants, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 34 I'm telling you what, this season, you can certainly check my balls with howls of golly

Speaker 34 because you can do your little drummer boy a favor and use the lawnmower 4.0 to avoid another silent night in the bedroom.

Speaker 34 You can add in manscapes, top-of-the-line shower products to have the people thinking, all I want for Christmas is you. Santa cares about his sack, and so should you, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 34 Well, I'm not even making this up. This is the copy they send us.
Folks, the Manscape Platinum Package 4.0 is the one-stop shop for the man who deserves it all and who already has some of it.

Speaker 34 It's got everything you need to help you deck the halls from your face to your balls, just in time to be able to wear a mistletoe belt buckle for Christmas.

Speaker 34 For example, the Platinum package, it's got everything the performance package has, plus the ultra premium body wash, the two-in-one shampoo and conditioner.

Speaker 34 It's the ultra premium deodorant. They got all that.
It's the best way to smell fresh from your Santa hat to your candy cane.

Speaker 34 And it also obviously has the Lawnmower 4.0 body trimmer. There's the LED light on it so you can light the way like Rudolph.
If you have a reindeer schnaz in your crotch,

Speaker 34 must be involved in some type of animal husbandry. I don't know.

Speaker 33 No, no.

Speaker 34 Also, the Weed Whacker nose and ear hair trimmer to protect your delicates.

Speaker 34 And both of them are waterproof so you can clear the snow out of your driveway. And after you groom your candy cane, make sure you don't smell like a reindeer, folks.

Speaker 34 From the hoofs to the anus with the platinum packages shower products, they're sulfate-free, vegan.

Speaker 34 They're made to have your skin feeling hydrated. That too.
And smelling fresh. And they've got the crop preserver ball deodorant, the crop reviver ball toner.
They solve the stank problems.

Speaker 34 Once they touch your sack, you'll never go back.

Speaker 34 And then you can hang up the stockings with glee on the fireplace there, and you never know what kind of toys or gifts will be stuffed down in those.

Speaker 33 And

Speaker 34 for the perfect stocking stuffer, you can add in the brand new body buffer. It's an incredible body scrubber that makes exfoliating easy.
And I took it out and used it on the fence row.

Speaker 34 And boy, I got all the weeds and all the overgrowth off of that. The brand new body buffer.

Speaker 34 Folks, all you got to do is go to manscape.com and you'll get 20% off and free shipping with the code DRIVE, D-R-I-V-E Manscaped.com, 20% off and free shipping for the Manscaped Platinum Package 4.0 or anything else they have on their fine website, which I encourage you to check out.

Speaker 34 I mean, they've got a rotor thing. You can clean the inside of your colon out, and they've got shit you can, you can just you can do a variety of maintenance.

Speaker 33 There's a variety of things that you could actually do. I don't know what rotor router product you're talking about, but they don't have that.

Speaker 34 Well, I thought that's where I got that off of Manscaped.com. Maybe it was something else.
Maybe it was.

Speaker 33 What other site?

Speaker 34 It was the site I got the Ditillator Mach 3 off of, but I assumed it was for cleaning the interior because of the ripples and the way it was shaped. And then it's got the crank.

Speaker 34 When you turn it, it starts spinning and vibrating at the same time.

Speaker 34 I assumed that was like one of those rotor router things for the drains.

Speaker 34 It gets clogs out.

Speaker 34 Manscaped.com, 20% off and free shipping anything on the site of course there's nothing that will protrude into any of your orifices apparently on that site but so you'll have to go elsewhere for that use the code drive this isn't just a game it's a once-in-a-generation event the harlem globetrotters 100 year tour celebrate 100 years of high-flying dunks 100 years of showstopping moves and 100 years of changing the game bring the whole family and be part of the legacy this game is once in a century.

Speaker 34 So, no, I'm not

Speaker 34 surprised that Mick is suffering effects from this, and I hope they're as minimal as possible. And he's known it was going to happen, but I think even he said if he'd have known

Speaker 34 all that was going to happen, maybe he would have rethought some things.

Speaker 33 Well, Jim, perhaps a young wrestler looks back and sees some of the things that were done, some of the damage that was done to the industry and wants to look back on some of the wrestlers who did some of these things that led us down this road and they want to sue.

Speaker 34 Well, in that case, they shouldn't call our friend because they wouldn't have a case.

Speaker 34 But if you have a case, ladies and gentlemen, and I'm not talking about a case of contagious airborne diseases. I'm talking about a legal case.
If someone has terminated you without reason,

Speaker 34 if someone has infringed upon your rights, if someone has harmed or damaged you or a member of your family or immediate social circle, then we know the guy that you got to call.

Speaker 33 Call Steve and P.

Speaker 33 News.

Speaker 33 If you need to see

Speaker 33 news, to reduce to the news, to the news, to reduce to the news, to reduce an outlaw

Speaker 33 or two,

Speaker 33 those are the rest.

Speaker 34 And you know what? He doesn't care whether you're a little guy or a big guy. If you've got a case and you've got right on your side, he will fight for you.

Speaker 34 And he doesn't care if you're a little guy or a big guy. If you're on the wrong side,

Speaker 34 he's taking down the dagum governor of West Virginia, old governor justice over there. We heard, we talked about the state of emergency that the governor declared in West Virginia because Stephen P.

Speaker 34 New,

Speaker 34 on behalf of all the inmates at all the substandard jails and facilities in West Virginia, has filed a suit on their behalf. And it got the governor up in arms.
And he can do the same thing for you.

Speaker 34 And by the way, if all things go right, we won't need Manchin anymore. That Democrat in name only, maybe the next thing that Stephen can do is file a class action suit against Manchin for being

Speaker 34 a wolf in sheep's clothing and just imitating a Democrat.

Speaker 34 But nevertheless, as I mentioned, if you've been terminated or someone's just tried to kill you through negligence or avaricious greed, if they have poisoned your water, or your air, or even your food, if somebody's been slipping you a Mickey, you got to call Stephen P.

Speaker 34 New at newlawoffice.com, 888-692-8084. This man,

Speaker 34 as we've mentioned so many times on the program, he can take the hold of your hand and he can lead you through the shark-infested legal waters of the American jurisprudence system and he can deliver you safely to the other side where that side is labeled prosperity.

Speaker 34 Because that's another thing Stephen P. New does.
He gets his clients paid. You're going to get paid one way or the other, even if he has to rough somebody up.

Speaker 34 That's the lengths that Stephen P. New will go to for his clients.

Speaker 34 No, every once in a while, he's got to go out back behind the courthouse and he's got to take one of those opposing counsels and he's got to grab them up by the necktie.

Speaker 33 No, he does not.

Speaker 34 He's got to slap them back and forth, paintbrush them around the head and face. and tell them to modify their behavior.
That's what he does.

Speaker 33 Stephen P. New is an officer of the court, and he would never do anything of the sort.

Speaker 33 However, however that's why he takes them around back in the alley and he doesn't do it in the court he will metaphorically do that to them in court

Speaker 33 and then he'll no back and forth no he won't

Speaker 33 back in the alleyway he will leave the other lawyers alone in the back alley and he will kick their ass in court well

Speaker 34 I'm telling you, if you want a lawyer that'll go up to somebody else's lawyer in a back alley and take care of business, call Stephen P. New at newlawoffice.com, 888-692-8084.

Speaker 34 Hey, you want an attorney that spends a lot of his time in back alleys.

Speaker 34 That's where they found out all the good information.

Speaker 34 Where do you think Paul Drake used to hang around when he was inspectifying for Perry Mason?

Speaker 33 He was the inspector. He wasn't the lawyer.

Speaker 34 He hung around in fluzy areas and dive bars and back in the alleys. That's where you get all the good information.

Speaker 33 Perry Mason had his own kind of bars that he was going to. But again, he was the lawyer.
That was the investigator. Stephen P.
New is the lawyer. He doesn't need to do the investigation himself.

Speaker 34 Well, Stephen is a Renaissance man. He does a little bit of everything.
He'll check things out, then he'll prosecute it in court.

Speaker 34 And if things don't go the right way in court and the opposing counsel or potentially even the judge doesn't exhibit the right amount of good behavior and manners, then they got to go home sometime.

Speaker 34 And Stephen P. New will cross their path on the way home.

Speaker 33 The Renaissance man, Stephen P. New.

Speaker 34 Boom.

Speaker 34 He'll pop him right in the eye socket. He'll close what's open and open what's closed on their face.

Speaker 33 Once again, ladies and gentlemen, Stephen P. New will not be assaulting any other attorneys, either in a back alley or on Main Street.

Speaker 34 Nobody will ever finger him for it. They won't actually testify against him because you know what that'll mean.

Speaker 33 All right, well.

Speaker 34 Stephen P. New, did you notice that Ortiz was looking a lot cleaner? He's lost weight.
He's gotten better shape. He's groomed better.

Speaker 34 He's really, because because before he was like the second coming of Pampiro Furpo, right?

Speaker 34 He's the only guy I've ever seen that had to shave his teeth.

Speaker 33 Well, remember, he lost his hair to Chris Jericho in that big shape.

Speaker 34 Well, yeah, but now it's coming out and it's a little more stylish. But still, the hair every, I mean, he was shaving his cheekbones on a regular basis, I know.

Speaker 34 And holy mackerel, I have never... I've never seen a guy with hair on his eyeballs like that.

Speaker 34 But you know, those people are out there, Brian.

Speaker 33 Are they really? I have not heard this. No, they are out there.

Speaker 34 I used to see some of them at the state fair when I was a kid. You'd go in the tent, right next to the fat guy was the bearded lady, whatever it may be.

Speaker 34 But now, folks, if you want to see her suit individuals covered with hair, looking like Lon Cheney Jr. on a full moon, you don't have to go to a freak show at the state fair.
All you have to do,

Speaker 34 if you're a female, that is, is turn over sideways and look at the lump laying next to you.

Speaker 34 Men,

Speaker 34 we got to do something about all the foliage that we got. And you know, it's Thanksgiving time, it's Christmas time, it's the holidays.

Speaker 34 People are thinking holidays, eggnog by the fireplace, a little candid photography, perhaps, some nookie-nookie.

Speaker 34 You never know what's going to go on on the holidays, but you don't want to look like a fucking goat or smell like one.

Speaker 34 And that's why our friends at Manscaped are trying to make your holidays jolly days

Speaker 34 with the Platinum Package 4.0. Folks, you can do your little drummer boy a favor and use the Lawnmore 4.0 to avoid another silent night in the bedroom.

Speaker 34 And if you care about your sack as much as Santa cares about his, you want to make sure it's nice and slick and shining and smelling good.

Speaker 34 The Platinum Package 4.0 has all the products from the best-selling performance package, plus the Ultra Premium Body Wash, the Ultra Premium 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner, and the ultra-premium deodorant.

Speaker 34 All this stuff is not only premium, folks, it's also ultra.

Speaker 34 And you know what happens when you become an ultra-man?

Speaker 34 Why, you can do anything.

Speaker 34 It's the best way to smell fresh from your Santa hat to your candy cane. Remember the Lawnmore 4.0 body trimmer with that LED light on it?

Speaker 34 It'll look just like Rudolph's nose flying through the sky, ready to come down your chimney or whatever tunnel or orifice or

Speaker 34 entryway, breezeway, or otherwise that you would deem pleasurable. You got the weed whacker nose and ear hair trimmer.
You've also got the crop preserver ball deodorant and the

Speaker 34 crop reviver ball toner. See, so they don't provide the crop.

Speaker 34 They do not provide the crop. They just revive it.
But those things can solve your stanky problems all day long, folks. Once they touch your sack, you will never go back.

Speaker 34 And for the perfect stocking stuffer, the brand new body buffer. That's right, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 34 The lost cousin of Michael and Bruce Buffer, body buffer, will come to your house and he will buff your body right there in front of your entire family.

Speaker 34 If you go to manscaped.com right now and use the code DRIVE, you're going to get 20% off and free shipping on the Platinum Package 4.0 and the ability to have the runt of the buffer litter come to your front door and buff you off real good.

Speaker 34 And if you don't want your kids to watch it,

Speaker 34 Well,

Speaker 34 send them to the other room.

Speaker 33 Why would body buffer be the runt of the litter?

Speaker 34 He's the runt of the litter because Michael and Bruce, they're so much older and more established. Body's, he's still out there going from door to door trying to buff people.

Speaker 33 Do you remember the story about how Michael and Bruce Buffer met?

Speaker 34 I thought they were brothers.

Speaker 33 They say they're brothers. I mean, I'm not doubting it, but they say they're brothers.

Speaker 33 Apparently, the story goes, Bruce Buffer was watching boxing on TV and saw Michael Buffer and said, That guy looks like he could be my brother. And he got in touch and found out he was his brother.

Speaker 33 No, you're lying. I I swear to God, that's a story, although they look nothing alike at all.

Speaker 33 How did, well, no, I've noticed a small resemblance, but how the fuck

Speaker 34 were they brothers and never met each other? And now they're both big-time ring announcers. Well, I guess now Michael Buffer isn't a big time.
Have you ever seen him in years?

Speaker 33 I think he's retired. I mean, he's an older guy.

Speaker 34 Yeah.

Speaker 34 So, how did this happen?

Speaker 33 How did Body Buffer

Speaker 34 Michael Buffer not ever meet Bruce Buffer

Speaker 34 until they were grown-up adult,

Speaker 34 if they're brothers, if they're really brothers?

Speaker 33 I like what happened after that.

Speaker 34 And then they got the same last name, so they one was not adopted or whatever the fuck.

Speaker 33 I don't know the full in and out of the story, but that's the story. And then at some point, they met, and Michael Buffer said, wow, you really are my brother.
Why don't you become my manager?

Speaker 33 It's a weird story. Don't think so.

Speaker 34 Bruce Buffer is a better announcer than Michael Buffer. Why was Michael Buffer the one to get all the platitudes and the allocades for,

Speaker 34 see, for all you 80s NWA fans?

Speaker 33 Because

Speaker 33 he was doing it in the 80s. And when boxing blew up and so many of those big fights were happening, he was the ring announcer.
It was Jimmy Lennon, and then it was him.

Speaker 34 I always thought Michael Buffer sucked pond water as an announcer. Bruce is great.
He's got all the little mannerisms. Michael tried to be so cool, like he was above everything.
Fuck him.

Speaker 34 Fuck Michael Buffer.

Speaker 33 He introduced Brett Hart as Brett the Hitman Clark.

Speaker 34 Brett the Hitman Clark. Yeah, he couldn't even read his cards either.

Speaker 33 Well, speaking of body buffer, Manscaped, you were talking about.

Speaker 34 I thought we did. Oh, Manscaped.com.
20% off and free shipping with the code Drive. So, folks, check your balls with howls of golly

Speaker 34 this year.

Speaker 34 Go to Manscaped.

Speaker 33 How does that work? Are you supposed to look at your balls and yell, golly?

Speaker 34 Well, yes, don't you?

Speaker 34 I've had a variety of people when they saw mine. I'd went, golly.

Speaker 33 Do you do that to yourself, though? That's what they're saying.

Speaker 34 Well, every once in a while, it depends on what they look like.

Speaker 33 Do you have any advice for Michelle and her boyfriend about the internet?

Speaker 34 Well, you know, I do, come to think of it. You know, we've been having problems with the internet.
Not only the Spectrum folks, but also just any internet service provider.

Speaker 34 We've been talking about this, and a lot of people are picking up on this now.

Speaker 34 You know, folks, if you're laying in bed at night in the middle of the dark, it's pitch black, you're alone in your home, you live alone, you're lonely, and you hear voices,

Speaker 34 you really are hearing voices. You're not crazy.
These voices are coming from inside your wall.

Speaker 33 Oh, not this again. No, they're not.
Well, no. No.

Speaker 34 Well, now we prove, because remember, I was whispering the other day.

Speaker 33 We didn't prove anything. We proved.

Speaker 34 And the thing is, is that they're keeping an eye on you.

Speaker 34 Just if you're laying awake right now, listening to us, you're home alone, take a hatchet, an axe, a small claw hammer. Don't do that.

Speaker 34 And pop a couple of holes in your wall and stick your ear in there. You will hear people talking about you.

Speaker 34 And I'll tell you another.

Speaker 33 A bad idea. A bad idea you will regret.
Do not do that.

Speaker 34 I'll tell you another. It's a bad idea, bad idea.
You sound like a

Speaker 34 spoil sport, a kill joy, a Mr. Buzzkill.
Here's something else.

Speaker 34 Here's something else that they're doing out there.

Speaker 34 Do you know that there's a way around

Speaker 34 having to watch the

Speaker 34 old WWE network on our friends, Mr. Peacock?

Speaker 34 You know that they still have the WWE network available for other countries.

Speaker 34 And this is one of those hacks that the kids talk about.

Speaker 34 Do you know if you change your country

Speaker 34 that you can actually still access the WWE network, and there ain't a dad gum thing anybody can do about it?

Speaker 33 Were you aware of this? I've heard some things. I didn't see this in the copy here for Express VPN, but I've heard about some things.

Speaker 34 Well, no, but they're talking about something else. Apparently, the Netflix is the same way.
They got all kinds of shows on Netflix that are only available outside of the U.S.

Speaker 34 because, of course, we are

Speaker 34 a downtrodden country.

Speaker 34 And

Speaker 34 you basically, you don't get, if you're an American, you don't get to see all the things you could see.

Speaker 34 But you know how you fix that?

Speaker 34 Our friends at Express VPN.

Speaker 34 Now, as a matter of fact, Ron Deshane alerted me to something. You remember our friend Ron, Ron Deshane?

Speaker 33 I remember a name, Rhonda, yes.

Speaker 34 Well, he is actually

Speaker 34 an Express VPN customer.

Speaker 34 And due to their fine service, he was able to do what you wouldn't do here not long ago.

Speaker 34 He wrote me and he said, Jim, thanks to Express VPN and their wonderful product, I was able to Google, is sheep fucking legal in Japan with almost zero consequences.

Speaker 34 Not a single federal agent has arrived at my house. No sheep porn has popped up on my computer.

Speaker 34 And aside from a few ads for sheep shears, gloves with extra grip support, and airfare to Japan, my computer is absolutely fine.

Speaker 34 I did notice that my favorite podcast was named Sheep Shed, but I'll assume that's just a strange coincidence.

Speaker 34 So please let Brian know that next time you ask him to Google something of that nature, All he has to do is fire up the Express VPN and Google to his heart's content, knowing that the answers to your burning questions about Japanese bestiality laws are at his fingertips.

Speaker 33 Please let Rhonda know that by the time this show airs, we're going to alert the authorities to this sicko out there.

Speaker 34 Well, but Jenny won't be able to find him.

Speaker 33 What a freak. We'll find him.

Speaker 34 Because the people, the people, they think because of Express VPN, everybody thinks that he's living in Guadalajara or Bolivia or somewhere.

Speaker 33 We will help the authorities find this man.

Speaker 34 You can't.

Speaker 34 You can't. That's how Express VPN is working this whole scam.

Speaker 33 We can help. You can't say we can't help.

Speaker 33 No.

Speaker 34 The thing is, folks, if you want to watch the WWE network and they say it's only available in Venezuela, guess what? Boom, you can move to Venezuela.

Speaker 34 You want to watch Netflix and all the stuff they're hiding from us God-fearing Americans? Boom. You can tell them people that you live on the Isle of Malta.
What ExpressVPN does, it encrypts you.

Speaker 34 It encrypts you. And that's not, I I thought at first that was a bad thing.
I thought that was being enclosed in a concrete mausoleum. But apparently I was incorrect about that.

Speaker 34 If you're encrypted, that means that your data is not easily available. It can't just be willy-nilly spread about by these

Speaker 34 frivolous and promiscuous ISP people that are living inside your walls. And ExpressVPN is going to reroute you through a server location of your choice.

Speaker 34 That means you can go anywhere in the world for free. If you've ever wanted to live on

Speaker 34 the South Seas of France, boom.

Speaker 34 You've got to.

Speaker 33 No, that's not how it works. No.

Speaker 34 Well,

Speaker 34 do they pay for the transport of all your worldly possessions to wherever you want to move to? Or do they just... Send you there and you've got to drag your shit with you.

Speaker 33 There is no moving. You won't be moving.
The customer, potentially, won't be moving.

Speaker 34 Well, it says you can choose from over 90 different countries

Speaker 33 that your

Speaker 33 internet would be based out of. That you're not

Speaker 34 sitting there watching your internet, you got to be there along with it. So I assume that

Speaker 34 they're taking you and your computer and potentially your most comfortable chair, and they're going to send you. to goddamn

Speaker 33 Bolivia. Well, for the record, just let the listeners know, there's no travel involved with ExpressVPN.

Speaker 34 Well, but to get to watch the network and Netflix anyway,

Speaker 34 here's the best part.

Speaker 34 It's not just for that. You can use Express VPN to unlock shows or sports on other streaming services.
You can basically, you can hack into anything here.

Speaker 34 The moon launch they're about to do, I bet you you can hop onto the fucking screen from NASA. Just, as a matter of fact, put your address in, moon, and see what happens.

Speaker 34 Look, there's a reason why ExpressVPN is the number one rated VPN provider by publishers like Tech Radar and The Verge.

Speaker 34 I don't know what that reason is, but there's a reason, and we're going to find out sooner or later. But right now, if you want to put something over on somebody

Speaker 34 and if you want to impersonate

Speaker 34 yourself living in a place that you don't in order to get services that are not supposed to be coming to you, well, goddamn ExpressVPN will fix you right up.

Speaker 34 And right now, if you go to expressvpn.com/slash JCE,

Speaker 34 you're going to get three extra months of service for free.

Speaker 34 Expressvpn.com slash JCE.

Speaker 34 You're going to learn more. You're going to get three extra months of service for free just because you know me.

Speaker 34 And in three months, who knows where the hell you might be living by the time that they get finished with you? But you'll be seeing some fine internet.

Speaker 33 you'll be wherever you want to be because by getting finished with you they will be leaving you alone to do whatever you want

Speaker 33 wow

Speaker 33 did i just blow your mind are you all right over there

Speaker 34 by getting finished with you they will be leaving you they'll never leave you alone they're always gonna protect they're gonna protect you

Speaker 34 And they're going to have you covered as long as you take advantage of their service. And they're going to put you where they in their wisdom believe you need to be to be best protected.

Speaker 33 Which would be where hell you want to be.

Speaker 34 Well, no, sometimes let's say you want to be somewhere and they say, no, no, it's dangerous. Somebody might hack into your goddamn Google there and

Speaker 33 motor your routem or whatever the fuck.

Speaker 34 You need to be over here.

Speaker 33 You need to be

Speaker 34 in Iceland where we can take care of you and keep an eye on you or maybe Greenland or Scotland.

Speaker 33 Again, I think we need to stress there's no travel involved. You're not being promised any travel.
You will not be transported to anything. You know, you're being routed through there.
Yes.

Speaker 34 So you're going to end up somewhere. So if you're going through there, you might stop and say hello.

Speaker 33 Your signal. You might take some pictures.
Only your signal.

Speaker 34 Oh, just the signal, huh?

Speaker 33 The signal. You could be with me.

Speaker 34 I figured you'd have to go and follow it to make sure it was connected.

Speaker 33 No, this is for people like you who don't want to travel.

Speaker 34 Oh, well, in that case, expressvpn.com/slash JCE. You don't have to go anywhere and you can still put shit over on people.
Why don't Jericho take

Speaker 34 bad lip syncing to the Olympics and try that one out?

Speaker 33 Well, he may win the gold for that, but perhaps this is all part of his time traveling that he's been doing lately.

Speaker 33 Maybe he's gone to the future and he's seen the way things are, but more than likely, he just needs to lay down and have a good night's sleep.

Speaker 34 Well, more than likely, he does. And I'll tell you what, I felt the same way.

Speaker 34 Oh, God.

Speaker 34 Several nights this past week with my ailment and my predicament, but fortunately, at least when I was able

Speaker 34 to lay down, to lay my weary, flu-ridden body down on my mattress at night, except for every 20 minutes or so when I had to wheel my legs over the side of the bed and double up in the fetal position while I went into a coughing fit, I was as comfortable as I could possibly be under those circumstances because I was laying my decrepit body on one of my beautiful Helix sleep mattresses.

Speaker 34 And you can do the same thing, folks, with your flu and disease-ridden body on top of your beautiful Helix sleep mattress as soon as you get one.

Speaker 34 And we've talked about Helix in the past so many times. They've got 14 unique mattresses, a collection of luxury models, a mattress for big and tall people.

Speaker 34 Big is a synonym for fat ass, apparently.

Speaker 33 Not necessarily. You could be big and husky.

Speaker 34 Well, whether you're husky or just plain fat, they've got one for you. They've even got a mattress for kids.
It's such a cute little thing, and it comes with a lollipop.

Speaker 34 A lollipop is sticking right in there, and the kid just turns over and sucks on the built-in lollipop, goes right to sleep.

Speaker 33 There's no lollipop. There's no, don't listen to any of this part.

Speaker 34 Wait a minute. You're,

Speaker 33 I know and no.

Speaker 34 I thought there was no lollipop.

Speaker 33 There's no and no.

Speaker 33 No lollipop. And it's a wonderful mattress, and we have several here in the house, and we love them.
And the guests sleep on them here in the house.

Speaker 33 And let's talk about how comfortable and wonderful Helix Sleep mattresses are.

Speaker 34 You have guests?

Speaker 33 We've had guests, yes.

Speaker 34 Do you give them lollipops?

Speaker 33 Well, we do have some here in the house, actually.

Speaker 34 All right, well. Would you like to? All right, I guess you might have to have your own lollipop, folks.
But nevertheless, you go to helixleep.com and you take the quiz.

Speaker 34 It's like a two-minute thing where they match you to the mattress they make that works best for you and your sleep preferences.

Speaker 34 How do you like to sleep on your back, on your side, face down in a stupor, whatever the case may be. And they've got mattresses that'll cool you up or heat you up or whatever the case may be.

Speaker 34 Boy, I wish I'd have had the cool-down mattress when I was laying in a puddle of sweat, shivering like a street urchin in a Dickens novel the other night.

Speaker 34 But they, if I, you know, I may put, get one of these cool-down mattresses. Just next time I get the flu, I'll have it in the, in the closet and I can just pop it out.
But anyway, that's what you do.

Speaker 34 Take the quiz, get the mattress. They'll send it to you.
You unbox it right in your own home. One person can carry it to where it needs to be.
Even a person like me, I've done it before.

Speaker 34 And then you just poof, it just poof.

Speaker 34 It just comes to life and they are not only great mattresses they come with a 10 or 15 year warranty depending out on the model and you get to try it for a hundred nights risk-free

Speaker 34 we've talked about the risk factors involved in daily life many times on these spots so just refer back to some of them they're on youtube and if you don't love it Not only are they going to give you the refund, but they're going to pick it up for you too.

Speaker 34 So

Speaker 34 you got no risk here at all either way.

Speaker 34 There's no reason to feel like you're in danger when you enter into this transaction. That'll come later when the extortion begins.

Speaker 33 There's no extortion, you can stop it. There's no reason to believe you'll be in danger because you won't be in danger, you'll be in comfort.

Speaker 34 Yes, in comfortable danger with helixleep.com right now,

Speaker 34 right now,

Speaker 34 helix is offering up to $200 off all of their mattress orders and two free pillows.

Speaker 34 If you go to helixleep.com slash JCE, helixleep.com slash JCE, up to $200 off all the mattresses and two free pillows. So right now you can, you'll be sleeping good for the holidays.

Speaker 34 They got 12,000 five-star reviews. It's somewhat mandatory.
The government of North Korea will make sure that you give them a five-star review.

Speaker 33 That's not how it works.

Speaker 34 They're not located in North Korea. They just contract the government of North Korea to enforce their social media

Speaker 33 presence. They have nothing to do with the government in North Korea.
We could say that.

Speaker 34 They've moved south. They're the good ones.

Speaker 34 Alrighty, folks.

Speaker 33 I don't even know what to say.

Speaker 34 Well,

Speaker 34 just say it's been awarded best mattress winner by Parents Magazine. If you want to become a parent, get one of these mattresses.

Speaker 34 Apparently, it does a world of good for your sex life because everybody that gets one of these things has 18 kids. You can't get out of it.
HelixSleep.com.

Speaker 33 Can't get out of this spot.

Speaker 33 Was that the end? Was that actually the end? I thought you were still going.

Speaker 34 That's the end. I'm good.

Speaker 33 All right. Well, take it away.
This has been the drive-thru, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 1 This isn't just a game.

Speaker 4 It's a once-in-a-generation event.

Speaker 30 Go to HarlemGlobetrouders.com for your tickets to the 100-year tour.

Speaker 34 You know, Brian, if I were some of these young wrestlers right now,

Speaker 34 I'd be having a lot of pictures taken.

Speaker 33 That was a quick one. To the next one, okay.
I would too.

Speaker 34 I would too. Well, you know,

Speaker 34 I'm trying to catch up. I'm overclimped here.

Speaker 34 I don't read the parentheses sometimes.

Speaker 34 So, yes, I'd have a lot of pictures taken, wouldn't you?

Speaker 33 I certainly would.

Speaker 34 You certainly would. And then you could display them in your home when you're...
Driving yourself around in a hover round that you power by blowing into a clear straw.

Speaker 33 Or a golf cart I stole from the county.

Speaker 34 Or a golf cart you stole from the county. Either one of those things will work for the purpose of this particular exhibition here.

Speaker 34 But the point is, you'd have pictures of yourself in your moments of glory that you can't do anymore. And as a matter of fact, folks, that's open anybody.
You don't even have to paralyze yourself.

Speaker 34 You don't even have to jump off the top rope and break your own neck to be able to enjoy photos of treasured memories and loved ones and pets and friends and even enemies.

Speaker 34 If you like to keep a picture of them up every once in a while, just so you can remember what you'd like to do to them in the future.

Speaker 34 I've got a particular space like that, but nevertheless, for all of you, what? And I've got a place where I put pictures of people that I just want to remember one of these days.

Speaker 34 But nevertheless, it's the holidays, a time of love.

Speaker 34 And

Speaker 34 joyousness and togetherness. And you want to do nice things for people.
Brian, don't you want to do some nice things for people?

Speaker 33 I certainly do. There are ambulances or sirens in the background.
I don't know what's going on.

Speaker 34 Well, that's because you've done too many nice things for people and they found out where you live. Folks, where I'm going with this is the Skylight Frame.

Speaker 34 They're back, our friends at Skylight Frame, one of the most popular products that we have ever promoted here on the podcast.

Speaker 34 The Skylight Frame is not just a frame for one picture, it's a frame for any number of pictures because it's all hooked up to the wireless.

Speaker 34 And all you have to do is take this beautiful flame, it's a black frame, got a white mat, it matches anything, black and white goes with anything.

Speaker 34 Ebony and ivory, baby, lives together in perfect harmony. And you can put it in your home and you can display it, but it's got a touch screen.

Speaker 34 that lets you swipe through photos that have been downloaded or uploaded or you've you've down you've sent them downstream to go up the creek without a paddle, and they appear on this touchscreen on the Skylight frame.

Speaker 34 Now, you can choose from two size options now, Brian. I don't know if you've heard about this, the original 10-inch or the brand new extra-large 15-inch.

Speaker 34 And boy, that thing will, it'll do some damage, boy. I'll tell you, it'll slide in there and it'll take up some space.
You can see these pictures coming a mile away.

Speaker 34 There's 100%

Speaker 34 satisfaction guaranteed. If you don't love your Skylike frame, they will give you a full refund.

Speaker 34 But the cool thing is you can preload it with photos that are important to the person you're going to give it to as a gift. And then they can just turn it on and

Speaker 34 wham, boom goes the dynamite. There's love, love, loves in the air.
They'll cry. They'll hug you.
They'll whimper. They'll thank you.
They'll grovel in front of you.

Speaker 34 If you want to have your in-laws groveling this holiday season, it's the great thing. Or if you get it for your own home, then you can load these things, do it yourself, or

Speaker 34 other people can send photos to your frame if you give them the information. I mean, you're not just going to get random, you know, dick pics off of the internet or whatever.

Speaker 34 You've, you know, you got to be in the circle of trust. But nevertheless, all you got to do right now is go to Skylike Frame.
That's S-K-Y-L-I-G-H-T-F-R-A-M-E dot com

Speaker 34 and enter the promo code drive, and you're going to get $15

Speaker 34 off of your purchase of the Skylight Frame. Whichever size, the 10-inch or the all-new, extra-large, 15-inch.

Speaker 34 SkylightFrame.com promo code drive, you get $15 off. You'll make your family happy, make your friends happy, make your neighbors jealous.

Speaker 34 All you got to do, skylightframe.com promo code drive. It's as simple as that.
You have one in your home, Brian.

Speaker 33 I have two in my home.

Speaker 34 You have two in your home. That's right, because you got such a big home.

Speaker 34 You have one at each end. That way, people don't have to walk so far to watch, to look at it, that they need some kind of assistance or oxygen.

Speaker 33 You could even have two in a home if it's a small home and you just want to display pictures of your loved ones or pictures of things you care about in various places.

Speaker 34 Yeah, or if you're egotistical, you can just have one in every room and have all a bunch of pictures of yourself.

Speaker 33 And by the way, the sirens were the fire trucks driving by. Apparently, Santa Claus needed a ride, and he's on the back of the fire truck waving to the kids on this street.

Speaker 34 Oh, no. Well, I'm sorry to report, ladies and gentlemen, news just breaking from Brian last.
Santa's workshop has burned to the ground. Santa's a refugee.

Speaker 33 That's not what I said. That's Christmas is canceled.

Speaker 34 You're not getting any fucking toys.

Speaker 34 As a matter of fact, did Santa have any visible burn injuries? Second degree, third degree?

Speaker 33 No, he was holding up a cornet action figure.

Speaker 34 Oh, good. He saved the most important stuff.

Speaker 33 But yes, I have two skylight frames in my home, if that was the question.

Speaker 34 Well, no, the question was, was Santa Claus going to need skin grafts?

Speaker 33 That wasn't the question.

Speaker 34 But remember, kids, Christmas is canceled. Santa is in intensive care in the burn unit.

Speaker 33 You're a big fan of the Cincinnati Reds and you'd like to see pictures of the Big Red Machine, Johnny Bench, Pete Rose, Joe Morgan, George Foster, all the rest.

Speaker 33 Or perhaps you're a fan of racist dogs like Shotzi. Whatever it is, we know where you can house these pictures in a fun way that the whole family can enjoy.

Speaker 33 And that's with our friends at Skylight Frame.

Speaker 34 We know where you can put those pictures. I'll tell you what.
You know, by the way, the Big Red Machine was what they called the Cincinnati Reds.

Speaker 34 And the Big Red Machine Kane gave Pete Rose a tombstone.

Speaker 34 See how these weird, wild, wacky, wonderful things happen in this world? And you always want to remember them.

Speaker 34 And that's why you take pictures and you put pictures up in your house and you look at the pictures to remember the thing that you did when you took the picture of it.

Speaker 34 And that's the way you can do it now with space age modern technology, folks. and our friends at Skylight Frames.
What have we said about this?

Speaker 34 It's an old favorite of many of the listeners, and they're back because it's the holiday season perfect time to remember your family or to put pictures up of people that you want to be on the lookout for if you see this person call the authorities whatever you want to use this thing for the skylight frame is a beautiful picture frame not just for one frame ladies and gentlemen or not one picture but for many pictures because it's it's the modern technology it's connected to the wireless network and you can email

Speaker 34 an app

Speaker 34 to people for this thing. And all you people know how to use the apps and the emails.
It's a black and white or black frame, a white mat, matches anything. Black and white goes with anything.

Speaker 34 Just look at the piano.

Speaker 34 And you've got two size options to choose from, either the original big 10-inch or the brand new extra large 15-inch. That's if you want to have pictures larger than 10 inches, they'll fit in the

Speaker 34 inch and you know why they'll fit because you'll be able to load them there well you just what what

Speaker 34 the pictures will fit in either frame they're digital pictures it's a wonderful digital frame yeah but they'll fit better in the 15 inch because they'll be bigger well no they'll fit perfectly in both not better in one or the other well bigger's always better haven't you heard that size matters if i were you people i'd get the big 15 inch one instead of the original 10 inch that's just me.

Speaker 33 But nevertheless. It's how you use it.

Speaker 34 You can, it's exactly, it's how you use it. It's where you hang it.
And if you're hung right, everything else falls into place. So

Speaker 34 what you do is you take this now, Matthew, I'm trying to tell you, you take this frame and you load pictures on it. You get on the wireless network.
You connect to the app.

Speaker 34 You do, and you email pictures to this skylight frame and they pop up in seconds. And you can do the slideshow where just picture after picture goes by.

Speaker 34 So it's sort of like identifying mug shots in the police station. You just flip through it until you've seen every criminal that you know.

Speaker 33 It's like seeing pictures of your family. You shouldn't really necessarily associate this with criminals.

Speaker 34 Hey, who are you to call these people's family criminals?

Speaker 33 I'm not. I'm saying they're not criminal.
You're saying they're criminal.

Speaker 34 Well, you said they were your family.

Speaker 33 Who would put criminal pictures of criminals in their house?

Speaker 34 Detectives.

Speaker 33 They would put pictures of criminals in their house so they're constantly reminded of them?

Speaker 34 Practice.

Speaker 33 Practice what?

Speaker 34 Practice detecting. Anyway,

Speaker 34 and the other people can do this also, not strangers at random, although that would be cool. You know what?

Speaker 34 Go and write down your code and your app on a bathroom wall and say, send me pictures and see what you get. Bad idea.
I bet it'd be entertaining.

Speaker 33 Don't do that.

Speaker 34 Don't do that? All right, don't do that. Just kids.

Speaker 33 You could do that, but everyone else, don't do that.

Speaker 34 Kids, go ahead and do that without asking your parents' permission. But anyway, and other people can send them as well.

Speaker 34 Like I said, if you want to say, hey, hey, Grandma Susie, you need to send a picture of you back in the old days on the beach in a string bikini to little Oshkosh over here.

Speaker 34 He's never seen you before. Whatever the case may be, family members can contribute to this thing.
Whoever's got possession of it. You can just, you can send pictures willy-nilly to the, it's amazing.

Speaker 34 It's absolutely amazing. Technology in action,

Speaker 34 and the kids will love it.

Speaker 34 It moves and lights up and you know, does the whole thing. There's movement and light, so all the cats will love it, the dogs will love it, the kids will love it.

Speaker 34 Your husband might get sick of it after a while, but nevertheless,

Speaker 34 pictures of loved ones on the Skylight frame. And right now,

Speaker 34 if you go to Skylight, that's S-K-Y-L-I-G-H-T, skylightframe.com, skylightframe.com,

Speaker 34 and enter the code DRIVE, D-R-I-V-E,

Speaker 34 you're going to get $15

Speaker 34 off your purchase of a Skylight frame. $15 off one of these things.
They're practically giving it away. SkylightFrame.com, promo code DRIVE

Speaker 34 for $15 off the purchase of a Skylight frame to make everybody in the family and your friends happy. Give some to your neighbors.

Speaker 34 Give one to your neighbor and put a nice picture of your family and they'll stick it on the shelf.

Speaker 34 And then if your neighbor ever pisses you off, is a bad neighbor, doesn't keep their yard up, blows their leaves over on yours, then you can send a picture of your dick

Speaker 34 and just say, fuck you to your neighbor.

Speaker 33 There's no need for any of that, but give it to people you care about, people you love. And of course, get one for yourself, Skylight Frame.

Speaker 34 Or a picture of your ass.

Speaker 34 If you take, bend over, pull your pants down and write kiss on one cheek and my on the other cheek. Take a picture of it and send it to your neighbor's skylight frame.

Speaker 34 Well, you know, boring old farts, I guess, would be better than being bloated because you could be boring and still be in good health. But if you're bloated,

Speaker 34 well, then your health is

Speaker 34 being called into question.

Speaker 33 So the skinny old farts are not part of the problem.

Speaker 34 Skinny old farts are not part of the problem.

Speaker 33 Like me, because now I'm a formerly...

Speaker 33 Does she know you've lost weight? That's my next question.

Speaker 34 Yeah, I'm a formerly bloated old fart, but now I'm a skinny old fart, so I'm not part of the problem.

Speaker 33 Well, Jim, you may not be part of the problem, but maybe you could be part of the solution, and maybe you need to just chill out a little bit.

Speaker 33 And we have a new sponsor we could tell the listeners about to help a Jim Cornette or anyone out there chill out a little bit.

Speaker 34 Well, that's right. And when I first heard about this new sponsor, I thought, oh, great, we've got a weekly horror movie creature feature coming up that we're going to be plugging.

Speaker 34 But no, it's Sunday Scaries,

Speaker 34 but that is not

Speaker 34 a competitor program to Sphingoo. Sunday Scaries is a brand new line of CBD gummies that were made to defeat the crap that life will throw at you.
And

Speaker 34 I didn't really understand until I got the material. I want to run some of this by you, Brian, because you may not understand Sunday scaries.

Speaker 34 Well, Sunday scaries are apparently the horrible feeling that you get in the pit of your stomach, the oh shit moment, the stressful, the nervous, the can't sleep moment that hit you on Sunday evenings when you think about going to work or to school or just rejoining life on Monday morning.

Speaker 34 A lot of people feel that way. They don't want to go back to the grind and they get nervous, they get tense.

Speaker 34 They get all strung out and worried. And that's the Sunday scaries.
But now there's a way to combat these Sunday scaries. And of course, life being scary in general.

Speaker 34 Because it can happen Sunday night, Monday night, too, any day with a Y in it. And twice on Sunday sometimes.

Speaker 34 They have some examples here. Life is scary when you quit your job and literally nobody noticed.
Has that ever happened to you?

Speaker 33 It has not.

Speaker 34 It didn't happen to me either, but I'd bet it'd be scary.

Speaker 33 I make sure people notice.

Speaker 34 As a matter of fact, most times people

Speaker 34 write about it in the newspaper when I leave somewhere.

Speaker 34 Now, here's another example. We've all been through this.
Life is scary.

Speaker 34 When you realize you're stuck in the middle seat on an airplane between two guys waiting for seat belt extensions. Now, that's happened to me.

Speaker 34 It was on the same flight where Cowboy Lang was on the flight and they wouldn't charge him half price. Nevertheless, here's another example.

Speaker 34 Life is scary when you accidentally screen shared your Slack page with you trash talking your boss.

Speaker 34 Here's another one.

Speaker 33 Yeah.

Speaker 34 Life is scary when you accidentally screen share your resume on job boards during a Zoom business call. Is there a dictionary of terms, synonyms, antonyms? A translation guide?

Speaker 34 They're using the modern language. Life is scary when you wake up and realize you texted your ex a you up text.

Speaker 34 Now, see, I'd do that. If I'd broken up with somebody, I'd want to wake them up in the middle of the night and ruin their sleep.

Speaker 34 Life is scary when your punishment for coming in dead last on your fantasy football team is to wear a skirt during your next golf round. Now, that happens to everybody.

Speaker 34 Every time I play golf after coming in dead last on my fantasy football team, I wear a dress.

Speaker 34 I could throw some in. Life is scary.

Speaker 34 When you're sitting at the La Quinta Motor Inn at the Tulsa airport, knowing that you have to go to the assembly center where at least seven full-grown adults are going to pull a knife on you and or try to hit you over the head with a blunt instrument or a brick.

Speaker 34 I wish we'd have had the Sunday scary CBDs back in the Mid-South wrestling days.

Speaker 34 There are the perfect CBD gummies for professionals on the grind, super moms, students, party animals, regretful drunk sexters, and everyone in between. So basically,

Speaker 34 it appears that they're selling this product based on the fact that they have a good indication, a reason to believe that you're going to fuck up your life and do do something stupid and stress yourself out about it.

Speaker 34 And that's why they have made these deliciously cute, vitamin-boosted CBD gummies that will chill you out. They will shut off your brain.

Speaker 34 As a matter of fact, you eat a couple of these gummies, they will be able to hook you up to the finest machine at the Mayo Clinic. You will have no brain function whatsoever.

Speaker 33 Don't say, don't, what do you say?

Speaker 34 It's going to

Speaker 33 be any of that. No, no, no.
You're going to be fine. Wow.

Speaker 34 I don't even know how to repair this it's going to put you in a state of bliss yeah you just won't you won't care about what's going on around you you won't care when they call in your closest family members and ask how they want to dispose of your body that's not what's going to happen here you're going to have voice you will sit there and you will giggle when you are hooked up to that plug in the wall and Cousin Bertha that always wanted your vacation home, she's the one to snatch that plug out of the wall.

Speaker 34 You won't care because Sunday scary CBD gummies are going to help you decompress and clear your mind and fall asleep better if you're a horrible sleeper.

Speaker 34 You won't be staring at the ceiling and worrying. No, your eyes will be closed and you won't even know the outside world exists

Speaker 34 until some electroshock therapy is applied to you. to wake you up on Monday morning ready to start the work week with a smile.

Speaker 34 So, whether you need to take the edge off, folks, whether you need to calm your racing mind, sleep better, just chill out, just sit on the couch and veg out,

Speaker 34 play video games, or whatever the

Speaker 34 young kids do these days, you take two of these CBD gummies every day to keep the scaries away.

Speaker 34 And right now, you can go to Sunday, that's spelled Sunday like the day, not the dessert, S-U-N-D-A-Y scaries, S-C-A-R-I-E-S, Sundyscaries.com

Speaker 34 and use my promo code JCE. I'm the king of relaxation.

Speaker 34 Everybody knows I haven't spent a day in my life being high strung.

Speaker 34 Promo code JCE 25% off of these fine CBD gummies at sundyscaries.com. Originally, I thought that said Sunday scabies.

Speaker 33 That's not what it says. No.

Speaker 34 That is not what it says at all. I just, I need to go to the eye doctor.

Speaker 34 Sundyscaries.com, promo code JCE, 25%

Speaker 34 off. Folks, what a long, strange trip it's going to be.
Let us know. Take a couple of these and then let us know what happens.

Speaker 34 It's way, they're great for dealing with crying babies on planes, Zoom fatigue.

Speaker 33 Podcasting, I'm taking some right now.

Speaker 34 Are you taking some right now?

Speaker 33 This unicorn jerky. Yeah, this is actually pretty good.

Speaker 34 Oh, the unicorn jerky. That's right.
I had the horn.

Speaker 33 The funniest joke that Pete Holmes guy ever had, he goes, Unicorn, shouldn't it be unihorn?

Speaker 34 So that's the funniest one he ever had, right?

Speaker 33 That was pretty good when he did it.

Speaker 33 He had a better audience. He had a better audience, too.

Speaker 34 Life is scary.

Speaker 33 Are you on this right now?

Speaker 34 When you wake up and realize you've hit the snooze button 16 times,

Speaker 34 take a gummy. Life is scary when it's your first date and you need to fart.

Speaker 34 I got to be honest with you, I always wanted to get that over with right at the top of the program. Because if they could get past that first initial fart,

Speaker 34 I knew that, well, yeah, they need to get with the program. You're going to be around me.

Speaker 34 You're going to hear some Putin.

Speaker 34 You're going to smell some gaseous emissions.

Speaker 34 And once you get used to that, then let's get the party started.

Speaker 34 Sundayscaries.com.

Speaker 33 If you say so.

Speaker 34 Promo code JCE.

Speaker 34 So it's wonderful that all those Ring of Honor

Speaker 34 tapes and all of the library can be seen.

Speaker 34 But the question becomes, again,

Speaker 34 how in the world is this going to work out over the next couple or three years?

Speaker 33 Well, we will find out. And of course, over the next couple or three years, there's a good chance that you may get hairy and you may need to take care of that,

Speaker 34 ladies and gentlemen. I'd like to apologize for the black hole of transitions.

Speaker 34 You know, how long does it take you to get hairy?

Speaker 34 It takes me about four to five weeks after I've trimmed everything before I start noticing that it's curling up and it's getting in places and it's itching and everything.

Speaker 34 Folks, it's also the holiday season and it's time for the clean balls. Fala la la la la la la la la.

Speaker 34 But thanks to the folks at Manscaped, from stocking stuffers to white elephants this year, folks, you're going to be going from eggnog to nice hog.

Speaker 34 That's what they say.

Speaker 34 Manscaped is a one-stop shop for all your holiday needs. If you've got stinky crotches, or crummy crevices, or things in the way of the goodies that you might be

Speaker 34 using on Christmas Eve if Santa gets to come down the chimney, courtesy of the permission of your significant other.

Speaker 34 And if you go to Manscaped.com right now, they've got the perfect gift in the Platinum Package 4.0. Folks, we've been talking about that.

Speaker 34 A plethora, a cornucopia of personal grooming items, but there's also loads of little presents perfect for stocking stuffers from our friends at Manscape.

Speaker 34 The shampoos, the body washes, the upstairs and downstairs deodorant. There's even deodorant for the roof.
Don't get me started on the stuff in the basement. They've got gels and exfoliants.

Speaker 34 You don't let your chestnuts roast in the wrong boxers. Get them a pair of the Manscaped boxers, and that'll keep the boys cool and comfortable for the holidays and all year round.

Speaker 34 If dad's got nasty nose hairs, you can save that problem with the Weed Whacker nose and ear hair trimmer, the Shears 2.0. It's a full kit for nail care with scissors, clippers, tweezers, and a file.

Speaker 34 And that comes in handy if you ever get arrested and thrown in jail while you're on the go.

Speaker 34 Then all you got to do,

Speaker 33 you'll be right out. They probably clear your pockets or take everything you have before you got put into a jail cell.

Speaker 34 Yeah, but see, the Shears 2.0 is, it comes in the little kit, and it's small enough to shove up your anal cavity for when you go into jail.

Speaker 34 And then

Speaker 34 about 24, 36 hours later, you pop it right back out and you're trimming your nails and you're tweezing things and you're filing those bars.

Speaker 34 There's the new preserved cologne that brings a light, breezy, woodsy feel.

Speaker 34 You'll feel light, breezy, and woodsy. You'll have the breath of an owl, but you'll smell like a tree.

Speaker 34 And you can also use the body buffer.

Speaker 33 What's the matter with you? You have the breath of an owl.

Speaker 33 You're the bread woodsy owl.

Speaker 34 Give a hoot. Don't pollute.

Speaker 33 And

Speaker 34 you can throw out your disgusting old loofah.

Speaker 34 I wonder if Riho uses a loofah and you can get the body scrubber that exfoliates all that dead bacteria from your carcass.

Speaker 34 And folks, top off the stocking stuffing with the crown jewel jewel for the family jewels, the Lawnmower 4.0. I just used that the other night.
It had been a while.

Speaker 34 And I'll tell you what, that LED light that comes on, it really helps out because you got to, as you get older, especially, you got to get in a variety of convoluted positions to do the things that need to be done with the Lawnmower 4.0.

Speaker 34 And that light helps immensely to backlight when you've got your right arm around your left knee and you're bent over with your head stuck between your legs so you can kiss kiss your ass goodbye if you don't get your dick shaved by Christmas.

Speaker 34 Folks, again,

Speaker 34 right now, go to manscaped.com slash JCE.

Speaker 34 That's going to be 20% off and free shipping. For anything on the site at manscaped.com slash JCE, 20% off and free shipping.

Speaker 34 And you'll clean everything up, whack everything off, and maybe get whacked off in return this Christmas and New Year's. And don't forget about New Year's.

Speaker 34 The last thing you want to do is have a stinky crotch for New Year's. Because, like Mama Cornette used to say, if you have a stinky crotch on New Year's Day, you'll have a stinky crotch all year long.

Speaker 34 She used to say something about that.

Speaker 33 Did she really say that? Come on.

Speaker 34 She didn't really say that exactly. She said, what you do on New Year's Day, you'll do all year long.
So always be nice to people. That's what she used to say.

Speaker 34 But it would help if you shave your crotch. Manscaped.com/slash JCE.
That's the way that that they can fight the

Speaker 34 problem that we've talked about them having with Triple H now in charge of the WWE. People want to go,

Speaker 34 whereas they wanted to put their careers in the hands of Tony Khan instead of Vince McMahon, now they want to go back and work for Triple H.

Speaker 34 Well, all Tony has to do is say, hey, we signed Mandy Rose, guys. She's going to be in the locker room.

Speaker 34 We're not going to put her on TV, but if you sign with us, you can be in the locker room with her. There you go.

Speaker 33 Nah, I don't think that's going to work.

Speaker 34 Well, in that case, you know what Mandy Rose needs to do.

Speaker 33 You find her attractive?

Speaker 34 She's all right.

Speaker 33 Yeah, that's the thing. It's just like, all right.

Speaker 34 Well, that's the thing. And somebody's going to be like, well, look at you, Jim Cornette.
Well, fuck you, first of all.

Speaker 34 No, for a person that I have never met, she's another one of the attractive girls that the WWE signs and has made up and potentially gets surgically altered or whatever. And

Speaker 34 in a field of giants, if everybody's seven feet tall, you got no giants. If everybody is beautiful and attractive, then they all just kind of blend in.
I look for personality

Speaker 34 and a fucking look and fucking style and shit, Rhea Ripley, because she don't look, nobody looks like that, nobody works like that, nobody talks like that. Mandy Rose, Alexa Bliss,

Speaker 34 who's the other little blah, Liv Morgan that they're trying to push? They're very beautiful.

Speaker 34 They got no distinct personality that I give a shit about,

Speaker 34 nor do they impress upon me that they would know what to do

Speaker 34 on the set of a German goo girls flick. So, you know, what the fuck.
But nevertheless,

Speaker 34 I'll tell you what Mandy Rose needs to do, Brian Last. To get past this whole thing, she'd probably get her job back, do the whole thing.
She probably never would have gotten trouble to to begin with.

Speaker 33 Find religion?

Speaker 34 No, no, of course not. She just needs to have a good defense.
She needs to deny everything. And where she slipped up was she did not have express VPN.

Speaker 34 Now, if she had had express VPN,

Speaker 34 then what would have happened is when they came to her and said, How dare you put these pictures up on the internet? She'd say, Well, look, that's not me.

Speaker 34 It's not me because you know where I live. I live over here in Akron.
And this account came from Bolivia. It's clearly a body double.

Speaker 34 Clearly, somebody surgically altered to look like me to capitalize on my fame and get me in trouble. But as you can see, it did not come from my web address.

Speaker 34 It came from Bolivia or from the Mutia escarpment in the darkest jungles of Africa.

Speaker 34 Because that's what ExpressVPN could have done for her, Brian. Now, can you see where I'm going with this?

Speaker 33 I think it's actually a pretty smart plan. She could say, you can't fire me.
My face isn't there. You know where I live.
These photos came from South Africa.

Speaker 34 And because everybody knows the internet service providers are keeping an eye on you, and the internet service providers like ATT or Verizon or Spectrum, those crooks, well, they're all hooked up with all the other evil corporations and companies like the WWE.

Speaker 34 So they're keeping track on you or keeping track of you and sharing the information.

Speaker 34 The internet service providers, once they get those people installed in your walls where they hear everything that goes on in your house, and then they come out at night with Polaroid cameras and take pictures of your computer screen so they know what you've been doing on it.

Speaker 34 And they report that stuff right back to not only the government, but also all the advertisers and also all the big drug dealers in Colombia and also the WWE.

Speaker 34 But if Mandy Rose had had her home porn site hooked up through Express VPN, they would have rerouted that signal through an encrypted server.

Speaker 34 And that actually, the encrypted server this week is a guy named Matthew.

Speaker 33 He was actually

Speaker 33 a server at the restaurant.

Speaker 34 He was a hell of a guy. He worked over at Caraba's.
He was a server there for a couple of years, but he he got hit by a truck last week when he was trying to cross the road, and they encrypted him.

Speaker 34 So, what ExpressVPN does

Speaker 34 is they route your signal through the cemetery, run it through that crypt, and then send it out someplace else.

Speaker 34 And that way, if anybody tries to track down where your signal came from, they'll have to deal with a dead body.

Speaker 33 I'm not going to argue with you this time. You broke me this.

Speaker 33 They encrypted him.

Speaker 34 encrypted him and they it's a law they've got to they've got to encrypt you within 72 hours after you pass away because of the health issue there's a smell and folks express vpn's app

Speaker 34 which is what they you know they call the the crypt works on all of your devices so whether you're on your phone your tablet your laptop

Speaker 34 Whether you're just laying around the crematorium, getting ready to get hot, whatever, you're protected. And ExpressVPN is super easy to use.

Speaker 34 You just got to tap one button to turn it on, just like Mandy Rose on her internet site. Tap one button, turn it on, and you're instantly protected.

Speaker 34 There's actually an entire lifetime supply of condoms that comes with an Express VPN membership.

Speaker 33 You get no condoms. There are no added bonuses.

Speaker 34 Well,

Speaker 34 not that you can talk about on the air. But anyway, if you don't want people searching through your late night naughty naughty searches this year or any other year,

Speaker 34 get ExpressVPN. Go right now.
Do it now. Well, don't stop listening to us.
Do it at the same time. Can you walk and chew gum at the same time?

Speaker 34 Continue listening to us, but go right now to expressvpn.com slash JCE,

Speaker 34 and you're going to get three extra months of protection for free. That's express EXPRESSVPN dot com slash JCE.

Speaker 34 Three months extra for free, and nobody's going to be able to figure out what you're up to, whether it's the overthrow of a government or you're just tossing yourself off. Expressvpn.com.

Speaker 5 The Harlem Globe Charters 100-year tour.

Speaker 20 Celebrate 100 years of high-flying dunks, 100 years of show-stopping moves, and 100 years of changing changing the game bring the whole family and be part of the legacy this game is once in a century be there at chase center on january 18th go to harlem globetrotters.com for your tickets to the 100 year tour

Speaker 33 well that was aew dynamite yeah

Speaker 33 apparently a new look when we see dynamite this coming week

Speaker 34 I'll tell you what, I would change my name too if I had done that last.

Speaker 34 I'd not only, I'd grow a beard, I'd bleach my hair, and I'd change my name, make sure they can't recognize me after that program. So, yeah, we can't wait for a new look.

Speaker 34 Maybe they'll get a new roster and a new booker.

Speaker 33 Well, Jim, to make the save Darby Allen, to save his friend Wardlow

Speaker 33 from complete and utter humiliation after the total humiliation he had.

Speaker 33 He came down the entranceway. His music played.

Speaker 33 What if he had come out of a box?

Speaker 34 He would have been over because anybody that comes out of a box gets over and anything that comes out of a box gets over, ladies and gentlemen. It's just common human nature.
It's just,

Speaker 34 it's as plain as the nose on your face, Matthew, because everybody likes a surprise, right? And everybody likes opening something up. Everybody likes opening up a box.

Speaker 34 Well, I've had many boxes that I've just enjoyed opening over the years.

Speaker 34 And I'll tell you what now, folks, you can have your very own once a month if you want it with Box of Awesome from Bespoke Post. Now,

Speaker 34 is it bespoke or bespoke? To what should I accentuate there, Brian?

Speaker 33 Well, I think it depends on the country and the land you're from. The pronunciation could be different.
So I think

Speaker 33 for this week, for this episode, you're safe. But going forward, we may have some clarification.

Speaker 34 We may have clarification. Well, nevertheless, don't even worry about bespoke post.
Worry about boxofawesome.com.

Speaker 34 Everybody knows how to say that, boxofawesome.com, because what they're doing here, these folks from Bespoke, they are taking

Speaker 34 hand-curated items from small businesses that you might never have heard of otherwise, that are in various places around the country. It could be cozy essentials.
It could be travel must-haves.

Speaker 34 It could be cocktail kits. It could be collector's knives.

Speaker 33 They've got a variety of

Speaker 34 knives. Everett, men like knives, don't they?

Speaker 33 Oh, I love knives. Yeah.

Speaker 34 Yes. Well, you could even do a funny voice about it before we went on the air.

Speaker 33 But anyway, nevertheless,

Speaker 34 folks, whatever you want, you go to boxofawesome.com and you take a quiz. And your answers help them pick the right box of awesome for you filled with awesomeness.

Speaker 34 And they release new boxes every month and it's across a ton of different categories that's why you take the quiz let's say you're not interested for example in i don't know phony ids from colombia and peru

Speaker 33 then you you wouldn't check that then you would be safe using bespoke.com or boxofawesome.com because that is not one of the options They don't sell phony IDs from Colombia and Peru? Certainly not.

Speaker 33 Certainly. They do not sell.

Speaker 34 All the phony IDs are from right here in this country.

Speaker 33 There are no phony Americans. They're not going to be able to do it on their website.

Speaker 33 They don't have any IDs. You cannot buy IDs.
That is illegal.

Speaker 34 You can buy people, but not their identity.

Speaker 34 You can own them, but not, you can't own their trademarks and their intellectual property.

Speaker 33 What are you saying? No, you don't.

Speaker 34 You know, anyway, you go and you take the quiz at boxofawesome.com.

Speaker 34 And if there's some people on there that you'd like to put in a box and have sent to you, then you click that or you check that, or whatever the case.

Speaker 34 But the more important thing is, each box is valued at around $70, but you pay a fraction of that price because it's awesome.

Speaker 34 And with each box of awesome, you're also supporting these small businesses because 90%

Speaker 34 of everything that comes in your box

Speaker 34 and 90% of everybody that comes in your box of awesome, that is, is from a small, up-and-coming brand,

Speaker 34 a small business, a family-owned type of store or type of thing like that. You're supporting the little people out there who are awesome.

Speaker 34 And it's free to sign up.

Speaker 34 You can skip a month, you can cancel anytime, but you're going to get, I'm telling you, you're going to get tons of boxes and you're going to love opening them up and seeing the awesomeness that comes out.

Speaker 34 And all you got to do right now is go to boxofawesome.com and enter the code JCE at checkout, and you'll get 20% off your first monthly box. 20% off a box is not bad.
Boxofawesome.com, JCE, 20%

Speaker 34 off your first box, courtesy of the code JCE. And I mean,

Speaker 34 they sent some lists of stuff. They've got a box of knives.
Holy mackerel. You could be cut long, wide, deep, and repeatedly with these knives.
So if you're going into hand-to-hand gang warfare,

Speaker 34 they've got all kinds of tools and

Speaker 33 is what you're saying. Why not do it stylishly?

Speaker 34 Do it stylishly.

Speaker 34 And this box even comes with hot sauce and barbecue rub in with the knives. So

Speaker 34 you can kill the animal and you can rub it with barbecue rub and cook it over an open fire or you can sauce it up.

Speaker 33 You can even start the fire using stuff that you get from

Speaker 33 Box of Awesome Ducks. Yes.

Speaker 34 Well, I heard, we didn't start the fire, but it's always burning since the world's been turning.

Speaker 33 You a Billy Joel fan? You a Billy Joel fan?

Speaker 34 Of course.

Speaker 34 How could you not be a fan of Billy Joel, the piano man?

Speaker 34 You can't get him in this box, but you might be able to buy his identity if you hurry. Boxofawesome.com, code JCE for 20% off your first box of whatever the box may contain.

Speaker 34 You determine that based on your preferences.

Speaker 34 It's all going to be awesome, but the flavor and style and shape and content and materialness of the awesomeness is up to your specifications based on your quiz. They want to give you things you want.

Speaker 34 Apparently, now Karrion Cross

Speaker 34 is messing with Rey Mysterio because they, after they choked Moss out and threw Emma, whoever she may be,

Speaker 34 over the announce desk, they put a a Rey Mysterio mask on Moss's unconscious

Speaker 34 head.

Speaker 34 I guess your head's unconscious. When you're unconscious, your whole body, but especially your head, because that's where your consciousness comes from, right?

Speaker 33 Certainly, your whole body, as you said, would be unconscious. Yes.

Speaker 34 But they didn't put the Ray mask on his whole body. They just put it on his head.
If they'd have put it on his wingding, that would have been fucking hilarious.

Speaker 34 Look at old dickhead Ray Mysterio.

Speaker 33 Well, let me stop you for a second, just because of the natural transition. They didn't put on a Ray mask.
What about a Raycon?

Speaker 34 Well, you know, I'll tell you what.

Speaker 33 Out of nowhere.

Speaker 34 Out of nowhere, Cinderella story. But I can handle the fucking quick pitches, folks.
I'll tell you what, if you're tired of hearing this drivel, which apparently Brian Last is,

Speaker 34 and you would like to hear whatever you want to hear, if you want to pick the soundtrack to your life, the programming that drives you, whether it's talk or music or just white noise or possibly animal sounds, tigers, lions, and bears, oh my, whatever you want to listen to, you can use the audio accompaniment on your journey through life down that yellow brick road behind that forbidden green door and off that proverbial cliff.

Speaker 34 And right now,

Speaker 34 the fact is a good pair of wireless earbuds is indispensable in 2023.

Speaker 34 It was almost goddamn indispensable in 2022, and it was damn near necessary in 2021. And Matt, next year, you're going to need these things to breathe, folks.

Speaker 34 For premium audio at the perfect price point, you've got to go with the Raycons. Raycons everyday earbuds look, feel, and sound better than ever.
And they taste pretty goddamn good, too.

Speaker 34 I mean, you got what are your senses? Well, nothing. They look good.
You can see. They feel good.
You can touch. They sound good.
You can hear.

Speaker 34 They smell pretty good, except if you, I tell you what, I smelled a pair that had been in Stacey's Uncle Leroy's fucking ears. And these were the first raycons that didn't really smell too good.

Speaker 34 But most of them smell good. And if you take care of them, they'll smell better longer, even though they're in your orifices.

Speaker 34 And they taste great, and they're less filling. They've got the optimized gel tips.
You can pick your flavors. We have a strawberry, banana, pecan, whatever gel flavor you want.

Speaker 34 And they give you the perfect in-ear fit don't chew these things just put them in your mouth and suck on them slowly don't put them in your mouth don't chew them suck on them or do anything else just put them in your ear safely and comfortably and listen to some wonderful tunes with raycon well you know actually if you want to win a karaoke contest think about this you could hide two of these bad boys in your jaw behind your molar how does that turn the volume up all the way how does that help in a karaoke contest because then

Speaker 34 if you turn the volume up all the way and you got them secreted in your jaw, well, then when the tune comes up that you've picked, you already know what they're going to play. You've got it ready.

Speaker 34 You just sing it right into the microphone, but it's the Raycons that you'll sound just like Pat Benatar.

Speaker 33 That doesn't make any sense at all. Diana Ross.
How would you know what they're going to play just because you have a Raycon

Speaker 34 where your molars are?

Speaker 34 You programmed your, you got

Speaker 34 your fucking Raycons programmed to play the same song as they're going to play on the karaoke, and you just time it right and hit the button.

Speaker 33 How are you doing that?

Speaker 34 How do you do anything with the Raycons that you listen to?

Speaker 33 How are you syncing your Raycons with what the producer, what producer, what the DJ is going to play next before they play?

Speaker 34 Because you ask when you go to karaoke. You say, now they've got Brian coming up to sing.

Speaker 34 Oh, pardon me, handsome stranger, or whatever the fuck. And meanwhile, you've got it secreted right there where you can hit the button and you play it and you gotta everyday earbuds.

Speaker 33 So you stick your finger all the way in your mouth right before you start wow most people

Speaker 34 most people stick their fingers in their mouth when they hear me sing that's true but anyway and you get quality audio at half the price of the other premium audio brands folks as well as the ability to win any karaoke contest in town so it's no wonder that raycon's everyday earbuds have over 50 000 five-star reviews and they'd get more, but some people still have their fingers stuck in their mouth.

Speaker 34 And there are three customizable sound profiles. And

Speaker 34 you got the more bass, you got the less bass, and you got the fake karaoke setting. So you can win those contests.
The earbud tap functions, noise isolation. You've got an awareness mode.

Speaker 34 It instantly kicks you up onto a higher plane of consciousness when you kick that in. It's like a turbocharger.

Speaker 34 One of the old 80s

Speaker 34 cougars had those turbocharged motors, just like that. You press that button, awareness mode instantly.

Speaker 34 It's like you spent months with the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. You're aware.

Speaker 34 You're Zen.

Speaker 34 Right now,

Speaker 34 you can go to Buy Raycon.

Speaker 34 That's B-U-Y-R-A-Y-C-O-N by Raycon.com slash JCE right now, immediately this minute after listening to the rest of our program, and get 15% off your Raycon order, buyraycon.com slash JCE, 15%

Speaker 34 off of your Raycon order.

Speaker 34 What more can you expect us to do?

Speaker 34 For we're giving you not only the ability to soundtrack your life, win every karaoke contest, you got a snack in your pocket with these customizable, optimized, flavored gel tips that you can put them in your mouth and suck them,

Speaker 34 and

Speaker 34 we're getting you 15% off and a higher plane of consciousness by raycon.com anyway Teddy Hart teenage sensation I think we've drawn a close to the subject I'm being serious if you think about what people thought of him up to the age of 20 it's obviously very different now well no if we talked about what people thought of people rather than what was actually happening in the world

Speaker 34 then we could come up with some more teenage sensation. That's a good show.

Speaker 33 Yeah, we could do a whole new show on that.

Speaker 33 Just what people think. Or we could just go to sleep.

Speaker 34 Or, or possibly,

Speaker 34 we could talk about Valentine's Day for just a moment because it's right around the corner, as you know. And I don't know if you're aware of this, Brian, but I am returning.
Finally,

Speaker 34 Jim Cornette has returned to Cameo for the second annual St. Valentine's Day Mass of Cameos, or is this the third now? I've lost track.

Speaker 33 Second.

Speaker 34 Saturday, June 28th, noon Eastern Time.

Speaker 34 I will be putting on sale a limited number of cameos at cameo C-A-M-E-O.com or just go to Jim slash Jim Cornette or just go to jimcornet.com and click on the cameo button on the homepage.

Speaker 34 It will take you there automatically. And for your

Speaker 34 betrothed or your spouse or your sweetie or your enemy, or people down the street, I will do a customized, personalized, homogenized, pasteurized, and sanitized, not sanitized video message of your choosing for those people.

Speaker 34 I'll give your sweetie a kissing or a cussing. I will say anything that is not illegal.
And actually, now that I think about it,

Speaker 34 there's ways that you can word these things to potentially avoid liability.

Speaker 34 So if you'd like me to threaten somebody with a thinly veiled threat, I guess we can figure out a way to make that work also.

Speaker 34 Nothing that would arouse the ire of the authorities or the federal investigators, but consider the way you get requests.

Speaker 33 You're going to get people saying now, say something illegal.

Speaker 34 Well, could I allude to something bad happening to a person without actually taking credit for it or fingering anyone in particular?

Speaker 33 But you love taking credit.

Speaker 34 Well, that's true.

Speaker 33 Nevertheless, if you want.

Speaker 34 If you want a video message from me, Saturday, January 28th at noon Eastern is the time to do it. Hop on jimcornet.com, click on the cameo button.

Speaker 34 We're going to do about, we're going to put up about 80 of these because that's all we can do that week. Hotchkiss Featherbottom with his busy schedule and my schedule that Brian last gives me.

Speaker 34 So we're going to limit it to 80. So get in the first couple of hours from previous history and you will be most happy.

Speaker 34 And then after that, you can consider that your Valentine's Day gift to your loved one or hated one is all taken care of.

Speaker 34 And then, Brian, the thing to do from there would be to get a great night's sleep.

Speaker 33 What a wonderful idea. Let's start now.

Speaker 34 Well, you know what?

Speaker 34 I'll just lay down because I'm right next to, I'm very close to, I'm in the proximity of the finest American-made mattress that you can purchase with your hard-earned dollars these days, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 34 Let me just call your attention to one of the many models. You can see it sitting right here next to me.
Take a big look at it, a big gander at it right now.

Speaker 34 One of the mini models, the 14 unique mattresses that our friends at Helix Sleep provide to the fine customers of said company. I mentioned they're made right here in America.

Speaker 34 That means when they come to you, there's no foreign material inside that can possibly cause disease or pestilence.

Speaker 34 The only germs that you're going to get from these mattresses are good old American-made germs. Now, some of them are still deadly, but at least you'll know you went out as a patriot.

Speaker 34 However, what you do is you go to helixleep.com. That's H-E-L-I-X, helixleep.com, and you just take a quiz.
It takes a couple of minutes.

Speaker 34 That's all, because they want to find the perfect mattress for you. And once you indicate your various preferences, do you like soft, medium, or firm, or rock hard for that matter?

Speaker 34 Do you sleep on your side, your back, your stomach? Do you wake up with your orifices bleeding in the morning?

Speaker 34 Whatever you need to tell them for them to match you to the perfect mattress that they make here in America

Speaker 34 that they can provide to you for a low, low price. They got a hundred-night risk-free trial.
We've talked about it before.

Speaker 34 You are completely absolved of any responsibility whatsoever for this fine product.

Speaker 34 After 100 nights, if you don't like it, they'll come to your house, they'll drag it out in the the front yard and set fire to it.

Speaker 33 They won't know they won't.

Speaker 34 They'll let the whole neighborhood know that you didn't like it.

Speaker 33 Nobody will know nothing because nothing will be happening. There'll be no fire and you have nothing to worry about.
But enjoy that mattress.

Speaker 34 Let the fire department be on standby just in case. And if you don't want to take my word for everything I'm saying, folks,

Speaker 33 Helix,

Speaker 34 you should take my word for 80% of the things that I've been saying, ladies and gentlemen, because Helix has been awarded the number one mattress award

Speaker 34 by the awards people at GQ Magazine and also over at Wired.

Speaker 34 And they've since quit publishing. Somebody got electrocuted.

Speaker 34 It's recommended by multiple leading chiropodists and the doctors of sleep medicine at the International Association of Fecal Studies in Zurich, Switzerland.

Speaker 33 That's not here in the copy.

Speaker 34 And right now, folks, Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners only. Nobody else is allowed.

Speaker 34 If you didn't listen to the program, don't try to do this. Go to helixleep.com slash JCE,

Speaker 34 helixleep.com slash JCE,

Speaker 34 and you're going to get up to $200 off all the mattress orders and two free pillows and a fire extinguisher.

Speaker 34 Because when they set fire to that mattress, if you don't like it, you're going to need something to put it out with.

Speaker 34 They got 12,000 five-star reviews, not for the extinguisher, but for the the mattresses. So

Speaker 34 go right now and do that thing. And the kids mattress.

Speaker 34 The wee little kids mattress designed for children 3 to 12 years of age.

Speaker 34 Apparently, when you make love on this mattress, you have children 3 to 12 years of age. No, it's for kids you already have.
I see the copy now. That's right.

Speaker 34 And it's a wee little thing, and it's been designed. or been awarded best mattress winner.

Speaker 34 Well, that sounds an unwieldy way to word that. Awarded best mattress is what I would say.

Speaker 33 Former best mattress winner was Marilyn Chambers.

Speaker 34 Well, that's true. But not but from Parents Magazine.
Parents Magazine awarded the

Speaker 34 mattress the best mattress winner. Marilyn Chambers just covered the little kids in ivory soap.

Speaker 34 And then Marilyn Chambers, in turn, was covered in various shampoo and lotion-looking substances. Back to the mattress!

Speaker 34 Back to the mattress! Get the mattress, helixleep.com slash JCE.

Speaker 33 That's right. You make it sound so easy there at the end.
Slash JCE Helix Sleep. We're big fans of them here in the house.

Speaker 33 We have two mattresses and, of course, the all-formed by Helix Sleep couch is in the library, very popular.

Speaker 34 Do you have the kids sleeping on one of the, do you have them all strapped into that thing? Just put them all on one kid's mattress? Or do you have bunk mattresses?

Speaker 33 Well, we have no straps.

Speaker 33 We have no bed straps. Let's start with that.
We have no straps for the bed.

Speaker 34 Oh, how do you keep them from getting up in the middle of the night?

Speaker 33 Were you strapped to the bed?

Speaker 34 My mother didn't want me wandering around. I might fall in the dark.

Speaker 33 I can't tell if you're being serious or not.

Speaker 34 I thought everybody did that, but not just when I was a little kid. By the time I was 14, 15, I could get up and wander around on my own.

Speaker 33 I still don't know if you're joking or not.

Speaker 33 I'm gonna assume you're joking and you weren't strapped to the bed

Speaker 34 well if it makes you feel better to think that i guess i'll go along with it well further questions about this at another time but helix sleep for a good night's sleep and jim several of the listeners who get great night's sleep have been sending in some quotes from they often go to sleep listening to this program in the meantime yes that's what you need to do brian you need to obviously from the question i posed to you in your rebuttal or your response you need to spend more family time.

Speaker 34 That's exactly what you need to do because you're obviously working yourself to an early grave.

Speaker 34 You're not spending quality time with your family, with your wife, with your children, with Swami, for heaven's sake. That's what you need to do.
You need to lay down in bed.

Speaker 34 and cozy up in front of the cozy TV with Fraser reruns on a helix sleep mattress. That's exactly what you need because then you're going to get a good night's sleep.
And

Speaker 34 how many kids you got in that house now?

Speaker 33 Four and Swami.

Speaker 34 Okay, well, there you go. Well, they got the kids' mattress.
So here's what you do. You get your king-size mattress for you and Suzanne.

Speaker 34 And then around it, like tables in a tables, ladders, and chairs match, you get the kids' mattresses. And you line them up all around that mattress.

Speaker 34 And you put Swami on the one in the middle at the foot of the bed. And everybody

Speaker 34 can watch TV on their own own helix sleep mattress until they fall asleep into the blissful land of slumberation.

Speaker 34 And when you're slumberated, that's the best sleep you can get. And you know those kids' mattresses, they've got the, you know, the optional restraints where

Speaker 33 no, they don't. There are no optional restraints.
There are no restraints. Do not restrain your children.

Speaker 34 Well, you know, it keeps them from wandering the halls at night while you're asleep. They can get into all kinds of trouble.

Speaker 33 Close the door.

Speaker 34 Well, what if they pick the lock?

Speaker 33 The kid?

Speaker 33 What if the kid picks the lock?

Speaker 34 I'm just telling what I did when I was a kid. My mother found that lock pick, boy.
She tanned my hide.

Speaker 34 And I'll tell you what, as a matter of fact, that's when I had to start sleeping strapped up against the wall because I couldn't figure out how to get loose from that one as easily as the one.

Speaker 34 But nevertheless.

Speaker 33 Well, you don't have to do that nowadays, ladies and gentlemen, because there are wonderful mattresses like the ones from our friends at Helix Sleep.

Speaker 34 That's right. And these children's mattresses, they are American-made from the finest American children.
Because everybody knows that. No, the children are even.

Speaker 33 No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 34 They're softer and more malleable than us old people. When we get old with our brittle bones and our pointy elbows, you can curl up on a nice child mattress and you'll sleep like a baby.

Speaker 34 That's where that statement came from.

Speaker 34 Because many people in the old days used to sleep on beds made of babies.

Speaker 33 First of all, was a sign that was a status symbol back in the medieval time i don't know what you're talking about but let's just make sure we're clear right now there is no child labor involved with the manufacturing of helix sleep mattresses that no one final

Speaker 33 america made by hardworking adults in america yes the the adults make the mattresses out of the best american children no they stop that no they don't they make them out of the fine things that you've put in mattresses that are comfortable none of which

Speaker 33 none of these mattresses mattresses contain human parts. Let's just put it out there.

Speaker 34 Well, all right, if that's what you say,

Speaker 34 what are the fine things that they put in mattresses to make them comfortable?

Speaker 33 Oh, you know, I'm not one to give away the proprietary information. I don't want to give that away.
That's up to the fine people like Mr. Helix and his sleep friends.

Speaker 33 But let's talk about a wonderful night's sleep that you can get.

Speaker 34 That's right. Well, here's what you do, folks, if you want one like we have all the time.
As a matter of fact, as you can tell, sometimes we never wake up.

Speaker 34 Helix, the lineup, they've got 14 unique mattresses. They got luxury models.
They got a mattress for big and tall sleepers. Even once again, the children's mattress.

Speaker 34 It's made just for, oh, I see four kids. I thought it said from just for kids.

Speaker 33 Four kids. Four kids.

Speaker 34 Okay, the mattress is made just for kids by American workmen rather than just from kids.

Speaker 34 And

Speaker 34 how will you know which one is best, folks? Well, you can take the Helix Sleep quiz and find your perfect mattress in under two minutes. That's only if you can spell, though.

Speaker 34 If you're illiterate, it takes between three and five minutes. And once you do that, your personalized mattress is shipped straight to your door free of charge.
Now,

Speaker 34 it won't have your initials on it

Speaker 34 unless you pay extra, but it's chosen for you personally.

Speaker 34 And Helix knows that there's no better way to test out a new mattress than by sleeping on it in your own home.

Speaker 34 I've mentioned the problems that I've had in the past going into a mattress store, especially when I took a tray of burgers and fries.

Speaker 34 I wanted to see if I could, you know, how it felt when I was eating in front of the television.

Speaker 34 And then, you know, when Stacey and I went in to test it that second time and we took the blanket and everything, they kicked us out of the store.

Speaker 34 But anyway, they've got what they've got here now is they've got this 100-night risk-free trial where for 100 nights you can try this mattress out we encourage you not to get as much dna as possible on it just think of the next sucker that's they're going to pawn this thing off on no no no think about how much you're going to enjoy the match get as much dna on it as you want because you're going to keep it because you're going to love it

Speaker 34 or you can do that but if you're going to give it back after a hundred nights and be an asshole like that then try to keep it clean here fella But anyway, you got that option, but you can see how your body adjusts.

Speaker 34 Sometimes when people lay on these mattresses for a while, their body just kind of sinks into the thing and becomes part of the mattress. And

Speaker 34 the cells in your skin literally grow into the fibers of the mattress. So it's so comfortable.
It has to be comfortable. You can't stand up.

Speaker 33 That doesn't happen. You'll be able to stand up.

Speaker 34 Well, just keep somebody with a spatula every three days needs to flip you because there could be bed sores.

Speaker 34 But anyway, folks, again, you take the helix sleep quiz, you're matched with the model mattress. they deliver it to your door.
It's got a hundred-night risk-free trial. It could be soft, medium, firm.

Speaker 34 It can be whatever you want it to be. If you give it a tip, it'll do the things that your wife won't.
So, right now, folks, go to helixsleep.com.

Speaker 34 Again,

Speaker 34 as I'm trying to find the goddamn copy, that's helix

Speaker 33 sleep

Speaker 34 helixleep.com. That's h e l i x helix sleep.com slash j c

Speaker 34 because they're offering up to 200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners if you use that code and remember the 10 or 15 year warranty depending on the model the number one mattress from gq magazine the multiple leading chiropodists that have recommended this fine mattress for you to lay on and you could actually some people are now actually being buried on their Helix mattress.

Speaker 34 And they just, they just bring a forklift and they just lift the whole thing up and then they flip it over like a flapjack and the mattress side goes up and they just stick a stone and there you go.

Speaker 34 Boom.

Speaker 34 Helixsleep.com/slash JCE.

Speaker 33 I don't even know what to say anymore. Yes, try Helix Sleep.
That's the point of the message. They're great.

Speaker 1 For real.

Speaker 34 You can't trust these big corporations. We've said that many times.
And

Speaker 34 I'll tell you:

Speaker 34 again, it's nerve-wracking the thought that your favorite stuff that you thought you could watch anytime you want will disappear.

Speaker 34 Or the thought that, you know, let's say, for example, if you're listening to us out there and you're the CEO of one of these major multi-billion dollar streaming services and you're thinking, well, we're going to go bankrupt this week.

Speaker 34 I'm going to lose $947 million.

Speaker 34 Well, shit, that can give you the Sunday scaries.

Speaker 34 You see what I did there, Brian?

Speaker 33 I see what you did, and I agree with you. That could give you the Sunday.
It should.

Speaker 34 It can make you nervous. You'll be shaking like a dog shitting peach seeds, folks.
On Sunday, if you got to go to work on Monday knowing you're going to lose nearly $1 billion,

Speaker 34 or if your entire life's entertainment is going to be wiped off and you're never going to be able to see it again, all those things can make you nervous, can make you shaky, can make you anxious, can make you ridden with fear and

Speaker 34 trepidation is what I'm trying to say. And that's why you need the Sunday scary CBD gummies because they were made to defeat the crap that life throws at us.

Speaker 34 They're the perfect CBD gummies for professional people that are stressed over work or the super moms that have 18 kids and are trying to breastfeed them all at the same time.

Speaker 34 Or if you're in school and you're sweating it because you know you're a complete imbecile and you're going to fucking flunk all your courses, just take some CBD. Or if you're a regretful drunk sexter.

Speaker 33 If you're a student above age for the record.

Speaker 34 Yeah, well, yeah, that's why I say you're in college, right? You got these big tests going on.

Speaker 34 They don't browbeat the grade schoolers, for heaven's sake. Well, some of them are going to be a good one.

Speaker 33 Depends where you go.

Speaker 34 Depends on where you go.

Speaker 34 Anyway, I still like the regretful drunk sexters. Apparently, that can make you scared or anxious or nervous.
I think if you're drunk, you should have free reign to say whatever you want.

Speaker 33 Do you think it's

Speaker 33 regretting the text as they're doing it or just after the fact when they wake up sober?

Speaker 34 Well, I don't think they're regretting it while they're, because regret, by the definition of that, is something you feel bad about something you have done, not something that you are doing.

Speaker 34 You can't regret that yet. You haven't done it yet.
See, don't you see?

Speaker 33 Well, imagine Woody Allen texting, like the instant regret with every word. Oh, I shouldn't shouldn't have put this.
Oh, I could see it happening.

Speaker 34 I could see Woody Allen regretting things that he did.

Speaker 34 But nevertheless, let's say you don't relax well.

Speaker 34 Let's move on there.

Speaker 34 Let's say you don't relax well. It's hard to shut your brain off.
Or like Brian, it's hard to start it up. Are you overthinking? Are you stressing yourself out?

Speaker 34 Folks, the Sunday scaries are deliciously cute, vitamin-boosted CBD gummies that chill you out. They help you sleep.
No more staring at the ceiling and worrying about things that are to come.

Speaker 34 So, just right now, if you want to live scare-free, calm your racing mind, chill out, whatever, take two CBD gummies every day to keep the scaries away.

Speaker 34 And we will save you 25% on that proposition when you visit Sunday, as in the day of the week, Sunday Scaries, S-C-A-R-I-E-S,

Speaker 34 SundayScaries.com. Use the promo code JCE for your discount of 25%.
Promo code JCE, 25% off the gummies and all the variety of goodness at sundyscaries.com. You'll be Sakalm.

Speaker 34 You'll be positively comatose.

Speaker 33 No, you will be awake and calm with Sunday Scaries.

Speaker 33 Well, you won't be awake if you're asleep, but you will be calm and not comatose. Let me stress that.
No, I'm just Sunday scaries.

Speaker 34 I'm exaggerating. You can flatline and still

Speaker 33 have

Speaker 34 recognition of what's going on. Your brain will still work, folks.
It's just your body. Nothing will move.

Speaker 33 Again, all these things could technically happen to all of us, but not because of Sunday scaries, which are delicious and can help you with your Sunday scaries.

Speaker 34 Yes. So you're just saying at any time, you could just open your eyes and not be able to move any part of your body.
So we got that to look forward to.

Speaker 33 Well, it could happen. It doesn't mean it will happen.
Well, thinking about that potentially happening in the future is a great reason to take some of this unicorn jerky from Sunday Scaries.

Speaker 34 That's right. And get it over with now.

Speaker 33 Sunday Scaries.

Speaker 33 It was one of the most viewed, if not the most viewed. I guess that's what they said here ever.

Speaker 33 How many people do you think listen to the Royal Rumble, or perhaps how many people do you think listen to something else during the Royal Rumble?

Speaker 34 Oh, shit. We got commercials, don't we?

Speaker 33 That's right, we do.

Speaker 34 Well, son of a bitch, you know what? This time of year, everybody's talking about the changes.

Speaker 34 You know, the New Year's revolutions, the things you're promising yourself you're going to do, you're going to quit the bad habits. That's all well and good, and everything.

Speaker 34 But most of the time, folks,

Speaker 34 I say again,

Speaker 34 bullshit,

Speaker 34 unrealistic, because small changes to your routine can make a big impact. You don't have to break the bank to make a big deal purchase.

Speaker 34 You can do small things and it can be part of a big change if it's something you use every day. So you don't have to think glorious about how you're going to change the world, cure cancer.

Speaker 34 Start out, just start out with a good pair of quality everyday earbuds from Raycon.

Speaker 34 Premium audio at the perfect price point.

Speaker 34 You can build your great great habits off of that. Now, you can listen to music when you're working out.
You're going to be in better shape. Or when you're walking, you're going to be in better shape.

Speaker 34 You're going to be happier. You're going to be breathing oxygen.
Or you can have your own soundtrack to muffle out distracting noises that stress you out so you'll feel better mentally and physically.

Speaker 34 And

Speaker 34 now, every the Raycons, they got everything.

Speaker 34 The battery lasts all night. For heaven's sake, they started half the price of the other premium audio brands.
You don't have to choose between

Speaker 34 products. You can get one of each, whether they are the everyday earbuds or the low-latency gaming headphones that I understand now that they have.

Speaker 34 And boy,

Speaker 34 they're low and latent.

Speaker 34 And they're headphones that game.

Speaker 34 So you don't have to choose because these things are priced so low, you get one of each of them.

Speaker 34 And you'd still pay less than you would with some of the other brands, charge you giant markups with these other people.

Speaker 34 And the Raycons,

Speaker 34 they offer buy now and pay later options. Every purchase has an easy and free return guarantee.
And you know

Speaker 34 all the functions and all the features, the three customizable sound profiles. You got front, you got left side, you got right side, all profiles.

Speaker 34 The earbud tap functions, you can literally tap your earbuds and watch the juice pour out of them.

Speaker 34 And you got noise isolation when you want to go deaf, awareness mode when you want to achieve a higher state of consciousness.

Speaker 33 I think you might be reading all of these the wrong. Well, you're reading them right, but I think you may be interpreting all these things the wrong way.

Speaker 34 Are you saying, are you trying to pervert my interpretation?

Speaker 33 No, I think your interpretation is perverted on its own. i'm trying to uh revert

Speaker 34 thank you doctor the customized gel tips they got the perfect comfortable in-ear fit the gel watch out if you're near the equator once it gets up to about 140 degrees that gel will melt right to your skin and provide an impenetrable seal again that's where you take it too far there will be no melting of the gel that you have to worry about in your ear near the equator.

Speaker 34 Unless you stick your head in an oven. Then you got bigger problems.

Speaker 33 Don't do that.

Speaker 33 Just don't do that.

Speaker 34 You might as well listen to some music if your head's in an oven. You know, here's the thing.
A lot of people have falsely claimed they stuck their heads in microwave ovens.

Speaker 34 But how did they get it to come on if the door wasn't closed?

Speaker 33 See?

Speaker 34 Who is that? That's what you can tell. Well, you've heard people tell those stories.

Speaker 33 No, I have not.

Speaker 34 You know, these Raycons have crystal clear call quality.

Speaker 34 Can you make phone calls with these things?

Speaker 33 Well, you can make a phone call on your phone. You could answer it and have the earbud in your ear to listen to the phone call.

Speaker 34 So you're listening to your earbuds. How can you hear what the guy on the phone is saying if you're still listening to your earbuds?

Speaker 33 It's on your earbuds. Your earbuds picks up transmission via Bluetooth.
Bluetooth. I can't

Speaker 33 Bluetooth technology.

Speaker 34 Well, I went to the dentist and he told me that that had to come out. The one that I had that was blue.
It was turning black, but it was still blue.

Speaker 33 We were going so well. And then.

Speaker 34 Nevertheless,

Speaker 34 so you can hear the guy talking to you on the telephone in your earbuds.

Speaker 34 Well, that's, see, I thought I was just hearing voices. I called and made an appointment with the doctor and everything.
Son of a bitch. Also,

Speaker 34 you've got their water and sweat resistant. So no matter how nervous you get, you're sweating, you're shaking like a dog, shitting peach seeds, you're still not going to be electrocuted.

Speaker 34 And if you can dunk your head.

Speaker 34 in any body of water or bucket of water, you can go underwater in the bathtub or the hot tub or whatever, whatever, because they're water and sweat resistant. Of course, now

Speaker 33 come back in the hot tub.

Speaker 33 Do you go underwater in the hot tub?

Speaker 34 Well, it depends on whether it's bubbling or not. You know, if it's just, if it's just sitting there, well, I don't put my head underwater anyway, but I can see how people would.

Speaker 34 But if you, if you goddamn go underwater when all those jets are on, Fuck, it's just just bend over sometime when those jets are on.

Speaker 34 If you're naked, you'll get water up any kind of orifice that you fucking leave exposed for long. So I wouldn't recommend that.

Speaker 33 What do you mean you wouldn't put your head underwater?

Speaker 34 I don't put my head underwater.

Speaker 34 My eyes, my nose, and my ears. No.

Speaker 33 Are you talking about in a pool or are I in the shower?

Speaker 34 Anything. Well, a shower is not technically underwater.
The water is fucking falling all over. Hold on.

Speaker 34 Let me, before we get back to that, right now, go to buy Raycon, B-U-Y-R-A-Y-C-O-N dot com slash JCE, and you're going to get 15%

Speaker 34 off your Raycon order. That's buyraycon.com/slash JCE, 15% off anything you get off of buyraycon.com.
That's with the slash JCE.

Speaker 34 But back to the shower, the shower, the water is coming over the top of your head and falling on past. It's not a body of water that you are submerging yourself in.

Speaker 34 So, but no, I don't

Speaker 34 get my eyes underwater. I don't get my ears underwater.

Speaker 33 When was the last time your head was underwater?

Speaker 34 Probably

Speaker 34 35 years ago. The last time I briefly would have jumped into a swimming pool and momentarily dunked before I came back up.

Speaker 33 What caused you?

Speaker 34 But I don't like that anyway.

Speaker 33 Okay, well, I was going to say, what caused you?

Speaker 34 Because I don't like getting water in my ears.

Speaker 33 What about earplugs?

Speaker 33 I don't like earbugs.

Speaker 34 I don't like having things in my ears.

Speaker 33 Other than Raycon, other other than other than raycon but i'm talking about like a plug you

Speaker 34 if you put a plug in your ear you're just gonna push earwax all the way back into your brain well clean your ears don't have earwax everywhere oh god damn if i'm not underwater how can i clean them out see that's a it's a catch 22.

Speaker 33 How do you feel about q-tips? Do you use q-tips to clean your ears?

Speaker 34 I use q-tips gently. Yes.
You don't shove it all the way in. Just like the raycons.
You just put them in the, you don't have to shove them. They go.
They're slick.

Speaker 34 Every once in a while, you can lubricate them got some you know butt plug lube or something it might make it easier but i wouldn't do that don't use lube on anything you're putting inside your ear let alone whatever lube he's talking about uh i had a follow-up question but now that's gone well the point is and i don't open my eyes underwater i don't want i don't want water under in my ears i don't want water up my nose And I don't want water in my eyes.

Speaker 33 You can wear goggles.

Speaker 34 Oh, that just looks foolish.

Speaker 33 It looks foolish.

Speaker 34 You're underwater who's looking at you i'm not gonna be underwater because if even if my goddamn how can you get your guy your eyes underwater when your nose and your ears aren't underwater what am i standing on my head being lowered by a goddamn rope the nose is the easiest thing to control because if you're not sucking in water through your nose it's not going to really just pour into your nose

Speaker 34 i don't want to give it the opportunity And you can pinch it if you really were worried about it. If I pinch it, it'll bleed.
I'm susceptible, I'll have have you know.

Speaker 33 I'm trying.

Speaker 33 I'll take your word for it.

Speaker 34 What

Speaker 34 fucking

Speaker 34 glorious thing am I missing out on in life by not dunking my head in a bucket of water?

Speaker 34 What am I depriving of myself here?

Speaker 34 That I just, I don't fucking stick my head underwater.

Speaker 33 Well, swimming is wonderful. It's a wonderful thing to do.

Speaker 34 You can swim without putting your head underwater.

Speaker 33 You can't really swim. You have to to go under the water.
You have to move. What if I run under the water?

Speaker 34 I'm going to swim across a fucking pool from one side to the other. I've got time.
How are you going to get time? If I was in a hurry, I wouldn't be in the fucking swimming pool.

Speaker 33 How are you going to swim from one side to the other without getting your head under the water?

Speaker 34 I do it all the time.

Speaker 33 How? All the time? Where?

Speaker 34 All the time. Whenever, well, I used to, whenever I was in a hotel pool.

Speaker 34 Well, you just, you lean on your back.

Speaker 34 And you, and you, because I'm a good floater and I get on my back and I do the little strokes with my arms and I'd kick my feet. I just kick my feet up, baby.

Speaker 34 And I can propel myself across on my back.

Speaker 34 And then I can go forward if I've got my feet out and I'm kicking my feet and I'm doing the breaststroke thing with my head up, kind of like a little dog paddle.

Speaker 34 I can get anywhere I need to go in a swimming pool without putting my head underwater.

Speaker 33 But you can get there faster underwater.

Speaker 34 Again, why am I in a hurry?

Speaker 33 Well, at least sometimes I can.

Speaker 34 Relaxing recreation.

Speaker 33 What am I going to?

Speaker 34 I'm trying to fucking take Mark Spitz's spot on the fucking U.S. Olympic team? Well, you mean that.
Johnny Weiss Mueller is going to be disappointed in me.

Speaker 33 Well, he's dead, but you may want to work out in the pool. And sometimes it's fun to just see how fast you can go from one side of the pool to the other underwater the whole time.

Speaker 34 No, it's not.

Speaker 33 No, it is fun. I've done it.
You haven't done it. It's fun.

Speaker 34 I don't have any urge to do that. That's not something I would consider fun.
That's something I would consider intentional, almost drowning.

Speaker 33 Someone takes something you care about, they throw it into the center of the pool. You have to jump in the water to get over there to get it.
What do you do?

Speaker 34 I grab them. I throw them in the fucking pool.

Speaker 33 I won't let them out of the water until they bring me my shit back. When they pushed you in the pool at Vince's house, what happened?

Speaker 34 Oh, that would be the last time my head went underwater. That was 1996.

Speaker 34 I fucking come out and went, hey, what the fuck?

Speaker 34 And proceeded to fucking float over, actually back on my back. I backstroked over the edge and climbed out.

Speaker 33 What the fuck? And then

Speaker 33 see, that's the best part, not that they pushed you in and then you just, goddammit, you swam right to the edge and popped out. You had to slowly backstroke out of it.
I backstroked out of it.

Speaker 34 And then I got up and then Vince gave me

Speaker 34 a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt that he had in the house that was dry and gave me an old coat of his that was three sizes too big because he has arms like six inches longer than mine and he was a tall man, but it was a designer coat worth like $500.

Speaker 34 He said, Here, fucking take this home. I don't ever wear it.

Speaker 33 They say that when a bloody dynamite kid showed up in his locker room in 88, he said, I can't believe you didn't go down. Is that what he said to you? I can't believe you didn't go under the water.

Speaker 33 Then in front of him and Pat, you just slowly backstroke.

Speaker 33 I was out real quick.

Speaker 34 I went under for a second, but I was out real quick.

Speaker 33 All right, we're talking about Raycon.

Speaker 34 No, I finished that a while ago.

Speaker 33 Oh, did you?

Speaker 34 Yeah, remember? Let's remind you. Myraycon.com slash JCE is how you get 15% off.
I said that several times. And then we went back to your delusions about me trying to drown myself.

Speaker 33 Well, it is my show.

Speaker 34 Well, I wouldn't dream of getting in the way of your show then. So do it.

Speaker 33 Well, there it is, volume three, the commercials. What do you say, Jim?

Speaker 34 Well, I say that we've got to hurry because I got to drop you off at the English class that you've just recently signed up for so you can communicate better with the fans. But

Speaker 34 the fine products, all of them. We hope that everyone will take this opportunity to buy mini copies of each of the things that we were talking about.

Speaker 33 That's right. And we'll talk more about them on the drive-thru and the experience for Jim Cornette.
I'm the great Brian Last.

Speaker 33 Here we go.

Speaker 33 The experience of Jim Cornette.

Speaker 33 Jim Cornette

Speaker 33 of Jim Connet.