Drive Thru Special - Food Omnibus

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Hello again, friends!

And you are our friends, the great Brian Last here.

You there.

It is omnibus season.

We are back on the bus for maybe the most requested omnibus that we have done yet.

But before we get there, the leader of the cult of Cornet, the man whose thoughts and opinions have caused this omnibus to be requested, Mr.

Jim Cornette.

What's causing all what's causing all this is your

inordinate obsession with odd food choices and then

You're trying to pass them off as normal everyday things that people do in their lives, Brian.

You're over there.

One day you're munching like a squirrel, some kind of homemade trail mix and weeds that are cooked in the oven.

And the next day, you're talking about your weird choices in pizzas.

That's what started this whole thing, and it's magnified from there.

But you don't eat like normal folks eat.

You had never heard of nanner pudding.

Well, that's true.

And I think a lot of normal people or people, as we call them here in the world.

Well, most normal people have nanners.

Most normal people have nanners.

It's hard for you not to have a nanner if you've made it, because if you didn't have a nanner, then you wouldn't have a mother or father.

Well, again, look, this is a very requested.

Whether you're nanner-made pudding or not.

But the point is, the people are about to hear our various conversations on how I've tried to set you straight about

your eating habits, your favorite foods, and the big, wide world of what you don't know about culinary delights, Brian, is going to be right here played in front of the people's ears.

Right here on volume one of the jim bullies brian omnibus we have going on right here and of course we it's not just about me and my logical takes on food and your your uh irrational hatred of cheese but we also have the hatred of cheese just cheese in certain places on certain things i love pizza and you love spoiled mayonnaise which we talk about here on this omnibus oh boy as well as how you eat pizza your steak disaster biscuits and gravy banana pudding cheeseburgers hot dogs hamburgers french fries and cheese steaks.

That's so much.

I have a list of food here.

Some of the food we talk about.

The cult of meat with extra cheese and so much more.

I'm getting hungry.

Well, so am I.

Let's get to it.

Let's hear Jim Cornette's Food Omnibus, Volume 1.

So, Wendy's is trying to get back on my good side.

I want to just real quickly, because, of course, I was on the road, so I did have some Wendy's this weekend.

But they're trying to get back on my good side.

I didn't have this.

But, you know, a couple of years ago, they quit squashing their patties flat to where they had the crispy edges and they overlapped outside the bun and it really looked more like a greasy diner burger.

And on the triple there, boy, it was, you know, it was a handful and it felt like a grease sponge.

Well, now the meat they don't squash it is flat.

I think they've changed the concoction or the consistency.

It doesn't have the oomph it used to have.

They changed the pickles.

You can't even put the pickles on the burger anymore because they went from dill pickles to some of those goddamn sweet and sour or whatever the fuck they were.

I thought the meat was rotten when I had eaten that before I realized it was the pickles.

This was a couple years ago and they've gotten a little better, but now they've brought out the T-Rex.

Have you seen this?

Have you heard about this?

Have you read about this?

I have not, and I was at Wendy's the other day.

What's the T-Rex?

Well, they have it in Franklin, Kentucky.

At the pilot station at the Wendy's, they have the T-Rex.

The T-Rex is nine patties and nine slices of cheese.

I believe the sandwich is like $21.

The combo is like $24 or whatever.

But a lot,

because people, as this starts spreading, they're going to be tweeting me about this and asking me about this at the Jim Cornette.

And you'll get some at Great Brian Last.

I've got to let my comments be known here.

I'm not against the portion, but I'm against the construction of this burger.

Would you like to know why?

Yeah, I'm dying to hear this analysis.

Because here's the thing:

nine patties, that a quarter pound patty, so that means it's two and a quarter pounds of beef, right?

But instead of being a triple where each patty is three quarters of a pound, it's nine of their regular patties, and especially since they don't squash their patties flat anymore, it's too fucking tall.

And if they melt the cheese to the proper gooey orgasmic consistency that cheese on a burger is supposed to be melted to, then it's going to start fucking sliding and it's going to tip over because it's too tall.

What they need to do is they need to smash those patties flatter.

Even then, I think nine might be too many.

I think they ought to have a special patty, like a three-quarter pound patty for the triple, but just one and put three of those cocksuckers on their goddamn T-Rex.

And now you're talking a place to go to get a burger.

But with nine, it's too high.

And especially then, if you add onions and pickles, a tomato, for God's sake, you're going to slide right off.

And the lettuce would be like goddamn sligger and come on a gold tooth.

So that your top bun would slip straight the fuck off.

You'd have to deconstruct it to eat it.

You see what I'm saying?

You'd have to break it into thirds.

And who wants to share if you're going to go for that goddamn greasy fucking thing?

Oh, God, I can just think about it.

But you don't want to share it.

So I think the T-Rex is a step in the right direction portion-wise, but I find fault with its construction.

I feel it looks good in the picture, but in actual practice, because most of these motherfuckers anymore are working at goddamn Wendy's.

They're young people with no personality.

I guarantee you they don't use their left and right turn indicator.

They don't give a shit.

They don't smile at you.

They don't try to improve their service.

They're just standing there looking at their watch.

And you think you want to entrust them.

They're not wearing watches.

Well, you know what I'm saying.

They're waiting to get off the fucking job.

You want to trust them to build a $21 burger?

I think not.

How many patties?

You say nine?

Nine.

I'm telling you, nine and nine.

See, I don't know.

I would rather have a single patty and then nine orders of french fries.

Like that, that's what they should come up with.

Oh, for heavens.

You can't supersize the burgers.

Supersize the fries.

That's what I miss.

You can't eat nine orders of fries.

I want to bet.

Well, that would be unhealthy.

Give me a break.

Nine burgers.

That's ridiculous.

And by the way, the burgers are good, but they're grilled chicken sandwich is what everyone should really be getting at Wendy's.

That's delicious.

Oh, for God's sake.

It's like a low-fat Twinkie.

If you can't take the fat, don't eat the fucking Twinkie.

Do you go for a Frosty when you're at Wendy's?

I haven't done Frosties in ages because most of the time when I'm eating at Wendy's, it's that I'm driving and I just hop in, boom, and get it to go.

And that way I'm not losing time.

So I've got the towel in my lap and my black towel to match the upholstery.

And I carry salt in my little console compartment there so I can hit the fries.

Hold on.

Do you have a hamburger towel?

Oh, yeah, I know.

We have a variety of car towels.

And there's something with the cooler there, but I keep several towels on hand.

And you just spread it out and have a picnic.

So I'm whizzing down the road, 70 miles an hour, driving with one hand, eating a triple with the other.

I've done it for 30 years.

I could land a plane in the Hudson River if I had a triple cheeseburger in one hand.

Now, there's the next item for Cornett's Collectibles, Cornett's Black Hamburger Towels.

Well, there you go.

Anyway, I'm just saying.

Anyway.

I have preemptive comments about Wendy's T-Rex is where I was going with that.

But yes, always carry salt in your sunglass compartment right over your console there.

And that way you have an extra hit of salt for your fast food.

Having a picnic driving down the interstate.

I've never been more fascinated talking to you than I am right now.

You don't keep it in the middle console.

You keep it in the sunglasses case at the top.

Well, yeah, because if you're trying to look down

and

fiddle around and find packages of little fast food packages of salt in with change and

mints and and uh uh you know a tire one of those little tire gauge things and some and some uh you know

writing pens like i said and goddamn but possibly a little fucking uh uh gimmick uh the what's the corkscrews whatever i'm going for and your bottle opener and your little swiss army knife thing i carry a lot of shit Yeah, we haven't even gotten to the glove department.

But if you just, if you just, oh, well, that's all the documents and the manual for the car in case anything goes wrong and all that kind of shit.

But if you just reach right up and pop that thing, you can get a little package of salt out.

Boom, it's easy.

Don't they fly out?

I mean, it's one of those things where you push it and it kind of just springs open, isn't it?

Oh, well, you got to hold on to it and ease it open a little bit.

You got to have a nice little touch with it.

That is so funny.

That you keep.

Is it just the salt and air, or are there any other condiments that you keep above you overhead?

No other overhead condiments.

It's just, it is

that's the only overhead condiment.

The rest of the stuff is in the cooler or in the snack bag.

Okay.

This is a video we need to do.

I need to come down the pool.

Then also there's a car.

I've got a, actually, I've got a collapsible plastic snow shovel

of the Rain X,

a high-powered flashlight if you wanted to get back into the backseat console.

And the spray de-icer stuff.

I don't fool around.

When I'm on the road, I like to feel comfortable and safe.

You're like Inspector Gatchett.

I have a road atlas.

I have some hefty garbage bags, some plastic forks, and knives and utensils.

How often do you restock?

How often do you go, oh, we're out of salt?

I'm monitored as we go, so it's not like suddenly there's, you know, some shortage of anything.

All right, can we do this fucking show now with you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

For God's sake, before we get once again to our main topic, also some viewer mail.

And this is from Jeff, and he's a Cult of Cornet member.

And this brought up a pressing situation that I feel needs to come to light.

And we need to get it out in the open because unpleasant as it may be, this is one of those things that we need to start talking about.

We need to start planning and see what we're going to do.

I don't really know if there's two sides of this issue because I think everybody will agree with Jeff and myself.

But at any rate, he says, Jim, I'd like to bring up a subject that I know concerns you, yet you have failed to address so far, even once.

Wendy's French fries.

Back in 2011, Wendy's changed their much-beloved french fry recipe in favor of natural cut sea salt tragedies that they have become today, that taste more akin to sea salt-flavored paper.

It is my hope you may tap into your celebrity, bring awareness to this very serious issue.

Before the change, everyone agreed Wendy's had the best fries.

Now they are not even in the conversation.

Please, Jim, you alone may be the last celebrity of any merit who still prefers Wendy's.

It's on your shoulders, Jim.

And I have to say, to be honest, yes, I'm still, I'm in Wendy's corner in the

trilogy of fast food burger battles, McDonald's Wendy's Burger King, because let's face it, I mean, obviously everybody knows that there are other burger places that have surpassed them in terms of quality.

But as far as being readily accessible on the road, on the highways and byways of America, when you're traveling on a schedule, you need to hop on, hop off.

You got your burger towel on your lap, you're ready to go.

It's burger.

It's Wendy's McDonald's Burger King.

That's what your choices are.

And so I've always been firmly in Wendy's Corner before all of the home run burgers and the Five Guys burgers and the cookouts and all of the other things have come to light, the other burger places, the In-N-Outs out West and Steak and Shake.

And

before these all became a thing, you had your three standbys and i was firmly in wendy's corner but they've made it hard it's like it's an abusive relationship over the last six or seven years because as this gentleman mentioned back in 2011 that's when they changed the fries they used to be the long classic square cut of fast food fries with they were crispy on the outside and they were kind of soft and tender on the inside and they took the salt just right because the sides were shaped and uniformed right and especially with the oil they used, which I think they've changed too.

And they were great fries, as was mentioned.

And then suddenly this, and now you don't know when you're reaching in while you're driving, Brian, you're reaching in your, many times while you're driving, you'll reach in your bag, right?

You'll reach in your bag of food, the sack, and you'll pull out the french fries and you'll be chewing the French fries.

And then you'll actually, you'll get

a paper salt packet that they've thrown in the bottom and you'll, you won't be able to tell the difference between that and the fries.

That's how bad it is.

And half the time, go to Wendy's, you have to toss the fries, to be honest.

I like that.

Well, you go to as many different Wendy's as I do, and you do this type of survey on this regular basis.

They will serve you cold fries these days.

They're chewy.

These natural cut things, the sea salt, I don't care.

It must be the Dead Sea.

I don't know.

Do you like McDonald's fries?

McDonald's fries are better if you can get them hot, but they have their quality control has slipped also.

So who has the best fast food fries then?

Well, actually, really, there aren't great fast food fries.

Cookouts fries are tremendous.

I don't even like the Five Guys fries because they're limp.

They're limp.

They're greasy.

They're not crisp and stiff and hard and standing up proud.

But here's the thing with Wendy's.

They had their shit down.

They had great fries and they changed them.

They had great burgers, and we've talked about this on the program a long time ago.

At first, I just thought it was when i first got my first new revamped wendy's triple where they don't smash the patties as as as thin as they used to and they changed their meat supplier and they've they revamped everything around for the modern generation

i knew it as soon as i felt it in the wrapper before i unwrapped it i said something's wrong with this right because i can feel the shape

And then they're now, they're plumper and exactly square patties.

Instead of the old grill mashed, they're kind of square, but the corners are crispy and falling off.

So it makes it thicker, but also the taste changed.

They've changed a lot of their classic recipes, has Wendy's, and made it hard for me to follow them.

But every time then, and I've still got to go to Burger King and try this new, take off, their takeoff of the

Big Mac and their takeoff of the quarter pounder or whatever that they've started, the Big King and all this other stuff.

But they've disappointed me in the past because they rely heavily on microwaves.

Heavily, heavily.

And McDonald's, you get a good McDonald's, it's the McDonald's you know and love and remember.

But more often than not,

you got these people that don't care about delivering quality fast food to the masses.

And it's cold or it's dry or whatever.

So I'm trying to be in Wendy's corner because they still are hotter and juicier on a more regular basis than any than anybody else.

But they need to quit monkeying with the shit that they get right.

Do you like Nathan's french fries?

I haven't eaten at Nathan.

I've ate at a Nathan's or two when I was up in that area, but it's been so long since I've been around, like 20 years, I don't even know if I remember.

You know, they don't have those just everywhere, you know.

That's a shame.

Nathan's is the best.

But say, but a place like that or the food truck fries, the classic thick-cut, fast-food fries, crispy on the outside, tender on the inside, salted all over the place, because you got to have salt with fried potatoes.

That's it's getting to be a lost art.

If someone approached you and said, I'm willing to finance a chain of restaurants, we'll call it Corney's, and you could supervise the menu.

We'll start with three locations, we'll see how they do, and then we'll expand from there.

Eventually we'll sell out franchises and we'll make lots of money.

Would you do it?

As long as none of my money was in it, of course I would.

I have to, everybody that I've ever talked to that's opened a restaurant or been in the restaurant business practically says it's a miracle if you make money in the restaurant business.

And I know some people do and good for them.

But yeah, I would like to have, I'll take a piece of it in exchange for the goodwill of my name and then I'll I'll only eat there three times a week so I don't kill all of our profits and see what happens.

So if you'd like to, if you'd like to apply for, for, to partner with me in a restaurant.

You need to differentiate yourself in the marketplace.

So it is Corney's.

How do you make yourself different beyond just the food quality from McDonald's and Burger King and Wendy's?

How about when you go to the drive-thru window, they curse at you?

You reverse it the other way.

Instead of you cursing at the person behind the window, they go, Here's your fucking food, and they throw it at you.

No, no, every time they hand you the bag out, they go, Thank you, fuck you, bye.

There you go, there you go.

And you drive right off.

And

our motto could be at Corney's, we pray after we eat.

Okay,

could be

doing Chicago next year, by the way, at at the C2E2 convention.

More on that as it happens.

It doesn't happen until March, so you got plenty of time.

Actually, we already do know the tagline.

Folks, if you are in, by the way, if you're in the Midwest, and I can't even remember the dates, it's in the latter part of March, look up the C2E2 convention, Chicago Comic and Entertainment Expo is the legal name of it.

And whatever dates there are that weekend, we're going to be doing

an improved VIP experience from Philadelphia.

Instead of extra cheese with Jim Cornette, where you get the Philly cheesesteak, it's going to be have a beef with Jim Cornette, where you get a Chicago beef sandwich.

So now I'm giving you advance notice.

If you want to travel to Chicago, which is one of the great cities in America, by the way, if you want to travel to Chicago and have a beef with Jim Cornette next March, start making your plans early.

What about you?

Would you like to have a beef with me?

Not really.

Not really.

A beef sandwich, I didn't really, that did not really sound too enticing.

What the?

Now you're not going to tell me that.

What the fuck is a beef sandwich?

Is that pastron?

What is that?

You're the fucking guy that doesn't eat cheese on a burger, first of all.

Right.

But now you're going to tell me that you don't love a good Chicago beef sandwich.

I've never had a Chicago beef sandwich.

What is that constantly?

Oh, for what the, what the, you're like a Chicago hot dog.

You people are so cloistered up there.

You people in the Northeast are so cloistered up there.

Clistered?

Cloistered.

You're put away from

the rest of society where you don't know about these great things going you didn't you didn't know about brunch at the cracker barrel that's two passes i gave you to tell me what's in the sandwich and instead you lecture me about that's a beef sandwich they have the beef in the sandwich and they dip it in the dip and it's a beef sandwich dipped in juicy goodness it's filled with goodness This is like, you're giving me Trump answers to a question of what's going on.

I don't know how to explain it.

It's a beefy good.

You dip it in the good and it's good.

How do you explain the stars at night?

How do you explain a flower?

It's like something everybody knows.

It's a Chicago beef sandwich.

You go cheer for De Bears.

What do you think of their pizza?

That's always a controversial topic.

There's some good and there's some not so good.

And there, you have to know where you're going.

But is it pizza or is it just some sort of fucking casserole?

Well, no, you're talking, oh, you're talking about the deep dish now is what you're talking about.

Well,

see, here's my problem

is I like, I like the taste of it, but it's just, it's so much, especially now with my delicate digestive system, I'm going for a more petite thin crust pizza.

But I'll tell you one thing, Emo's pizza in St.

Louis is, is, is my style because they got the Provel cheese.

It's unlike anything else, and it's a crispy.

thin cray it's not cracker thin but it's a crispy and thin crust but the cheese is insane and the toppings emo's pizza and there's like 60 St.

Louis area locations.

I know.

Emo's in St.

Louis.

Ask for the Harry White slice.

It's just white.

There you go.

Harry White was an Emo's guy.

I don't know.

He was a St.

Louis guy.

I know that.

Well, I didn't.

Well, you just acted like that.

You know, you knew that he went to Emo's all the time.

I hate to say this.

When I think of St.

Louis, I think of Harry White before I think of Sam Mushnick or anyone else.

Well, because he was the commissioner for so long.

We've just lost.

If we get 100,000 downloads, we've just lost 99,972.

Well, he was on the Smoky Mountain Wrestling Board of Directors, if we want to tie this into something.

You named him on the air.

He was actually on the NWA board of something at one point.

Also, he was the commissioner of the, what was that?

South Broadway or South Broadway.

South Broadway Athletic Club.

Yeah, that's what it was.

Which is where Randy Orton had his first like two matches, three matches, whatever.

Anyway, I got another email.

Would you like me to get to that?

How long has this fucking program been going?

We still have a ways to go.

We got a way.

We got to

walk along.

Brian, is it me?

Am I cursed?

Yes.

Okay.

Well, yeah, a quick answer to that question.

You know, whenever I leave town, whenever I leave, whenever I go on the road, as they say, whenever I go travel to these

dates that I do, these appearances that I make, things that I have on a business level,

I've always got some fucking issue.

And normally, and people got wildcorn at a few would fly.

Some of this is not related to flying.

As we mentioned, the trip to Milwaukee with the thunderstorm and the travel

problems.

And as announcers of a live show,

you like to know who's on the live show before it goes on the air live.

You like to know this.

So these stressful trips, but I figured last week I'm in good shape.

Because we went to the Florence Freedom Game.

Florence, Kentucky, for those of you not well-versed in geography of the bluegrass state, Florence is up in northern Kentucky.

It is a suburb in the metropolitan area of Cincinnati, and they have a fine

minor league ball club there named the Florence Freedom.

And they were having pro wrestling night

at the same time they

were having their game with the Windy City Thunderbolts, who are the biggest heels in the city of Cincinnati and environs around there now, because they won by one run.

So pro wrestling night, we got over, but the home team didn't.

But anyway, I digress.

And I'm thinking, this is 80 miles up the road.

They got a nice hotel for us.

It's right next to the ballpark.

It's this nice, one of these nice new ballparks that have been popping up across the country.

And so this is going to be easy, right?

And they're calling for good weather all evening.

You know, it might be cloudy, but it's not going to rain or anything.

And

it's just going to be a box of fluffy ducks, right?

Well, it was in most parts.

And oh, and Jim Ross is going to be there.

And Stace rode up with me because it was close.

We gave baby a play date at the pet suites and get her, you know, brushed out and fixed up and give her a nice overnight townhouse and let her play with the puppies.

And we're going to have, you know, an adult night out without the kids.

And then we're going to go to the, what's what's better in the summertime?

Baseball under the stars, pro wrestling night.

Jim Ross never gets to Kentucky.

We're going to take him out to dinner.

And guess where we're planning to go?

There is a Quaker steak and lube in Florence, Kentucky.

I've talked about it on my fondness for the lube and the greatest chicken wings in the country and their variety of sauces.

I use their seasonings at home.

They have all the great burgers.

They got the O-rings, the onion rings.

They're huge.

The boom boom shrimp.

You can literally, if you were going to the electric chair, if you were going to sit down

at the urging of the warden and old Sparky,

then I think you should ask for your last meal to be the Quaker steak and lube, right?

And so I'm in training for this.

I had a little cheeseburger about one o'clock, but otherwise, I'm staying away from, I'm not going to snack on the ballpark food.

I'm going to save myself for my true love, the Quaker steak, so I can be unsoiled at dinner, right?

So the first thing I hear is shit's going to go sideways is when the gentleman Josh from the Freedom says, well, Jim Ross's plane's been delayed.

He was supposed to get in at like 1.30 in the afternoon.

This wing ding, we met at 5.15 because the events started taking place at 5.30.

There was a Q ⁇ A.

It was an autograph signing.

There was throwing out the first pitch.

I got it over the plate.

Way over.

Is there any video evidence?

Well, no, but

it went over the catcher, actually.

Over the catcher.

It went past the plate.

It didn't go over the plate.

It went across the line.

In other words, I threw the ball farther than the plate was, just nowhere near the plate or the catcher, who it went over.

He couldn't jump that high.

Anyway,

so this stuff's supposed to start at 5.30.

JR may,

if everything holds true at this this point now, walk into the ballpark by 6, 6.10.

Oh, shit.

Okay.

And that's exactly what happened.

He did get, he would sat in Chicago for hours and hours.

He left Oklahoma at like his home, 4 o'clock in the morning or whatever, fucking 12 hours just to get to fucking greater Cincinnati.

And literally, the airport, the Cincinnati airport is like a mile because it's in Kentucky, too.

All the good stuff in Cincinnati, if you notice, is in Kentucky, but it's like a mile down the road from the fucking thing.

So, and we're signing autographs.

There's a bunch of folks out there.

We met all

the fans that came out, had some fun.

Billy Gunn was there.

Brian Pillman Jr.

was there.

But by the, you know, we really went from one thing to another.

And finally, the QA is over

about 10.30.

It was after the game.

The game was over.

And then we did the QA afterwards for the devoted fans.

And finally, because we've checked, the lube is open till midnight.

So they put us in the cars that they'd driven us across from the hotel in, and they drop us back off at the hotel.

And now, poor JR, it's now almost 11 o'clock, and he's been on the road or working for 16 hours.

So he bows out at dinner, which he may have had a premonition of what was to come.

But he bows out because his flight back is it leaves at 6 a.m.

So he's going to have to get up in like fucking five hours from that point.

Okay, so we're going to go have the lube, right?

I've trained for this, ready for this.

We pull in the lube parking lot, Brian, at 11 o'clock and walk in that door.

We know we got an hour to go before they close,

except they close the kitchen at 11 o'clock.

Oh, come on.

Now, I've been to the Quaker Stagon Lube in Charleston, West Virginia, and I'm pretty sure they're open until 1 a.m.

on weeknights and 2 o'clock on weekends.

And that's that's Charleston, West Virginia, which is not noted for its metropolitan nightlife.

But yet in greater Cincinnati, they're closing the kitchen of the lube at 11 o'clock.

And I'm

my jaw hit the ground.

And I say, is this a common thing that you do?

Oh, no,

whatever the all right.

So it's only, it's a mile up from the exit that our hotel and the ballpark ballpark is at.

This is a mile north, the exit.

I said, we'll just go back

to our exit and just eat something there because it's dark.

I don't know what else is around.

As soon as we get in the car and start it up to go back the one mile to our hotel,

here comes lightning.

Here comes a clap of thunder.

And here comes a torrential downpour.

Now, as we turn right and we get back on the entrance ramp to the interstate, and the folks maybe that live around the Cincinnati area will be able to figure out what we did, but I don't want to hear about it.

But we get back on the entrance ramp to the interstate in this torrential downpour that suddenly developed, and the windshield wipers going as fast as they can.

And I'm on this ramp and on this ramp, and it keeps going and going.

I'm like, what the fuck?

We're only a mile.

And then I realized this ramp somewhere or another doesn't go back to the interstate before the exit for our hotel because it was so closed.

Because I see our hotel on the other side of the highway passing it on the left.

There was no way somehow to get on back out to our exit.

So now we have to go and exit a mile south to get off and turn around and the torrential downpour and people with their flashers on.

And what the fuck?

Suddenly, this is taking a disturbing turn.

We're going to be killed out here on the highway.

Trying to get dinner.

Get off the next exit, and there is a sign that says Stag and Shake.

And steak and shake's always open 24 hours.

And it says it's a mere quarter of a mile to the left.

We got to turn around anyway.

We will stop in the steak and shake.

We'll eat something, and we'll wait till this monsoon blows over.

So we turn left and we go, and we go up a block or two, and we see nothing.

And I say, it's been longer than the sign said.

So I whip in the gas station and I jump out in the pouring rain and I run in and I ask the guy, hey, buddy, where is the steak and shake around here?

And he says, oh, it's right next to the interstate.

Right.

I said, well, that's the way I just came.

I didn't see any sign.

He said, well, it's not on.

They closed down about a month ago.

So they're out of business.

That's why we didn't see them because they ain't got their shit turned on.

Now we got to get out of this fucking gas station back across the fucking street.

onto the goddamn entrance ramp and once again a torrential downpour and this time, father, we get off now at our exit.

We have driven two, three, we've driven four and a half miles to get back to our hotel that was a mile away in this torrential downpour back and forth.

And I pull up underneath the overhang so that Stacy can get out without getting wet.

And I think at this point, we're just going to eat microwave fucking shit from the snack bar, right?

Because it's fucking weather or somebody's going to be killed.

As soon as she gets in and I pull into a spot and I run through the fucking rain and get back in the hotel, it quits raining.

Yes, and now she's

a phone.

Yes, you're jinxed.

Well, now wait a minute.

So,

well, now it's not raining.

I can see how to get out.

There's a McDonald's and a Wendy's.

That's merely just down through one stoplight from this goddamn hotel.

I'll go down and get something to bring back.

So at least we got somebody.

So I go down to the Wendy's.

I get in line.

I wait about five minutes.

I get up to the order thing.

I place the order.

I wait about another 10 minutes.

I'm thinking, at least it'll be fresh.

I finally get up to the window

and I pay them.

And after I pay them, they said, if you'll just pull up in that spot, because now I see they've got two or three other people pulled up because they're all fucking flummoxed.

And I pull up and I sit there for, and now it's going on midnight and I'm hungry.

And I'm starting to think, you know, maybe I'll just go across the street to McDonald's and tell them to go fuck themselves on this fucking $18 because, god damn it, maybe I'll get something quicker.

And then McDonald's pops its light out and they turn the light because they close.

So finally, then the woman brings the bag of food for the car in front of me out and gives it to them and they drive drive off.

And then she tries to get back in the Wendy's and she's locked herself out.

And they don't know she's out there.

She's knocking on a door.

And she's knocking on a door.

And they don't know she's out there.

They hadn't missed her.

She, I could be a rapist, right?

And finally, they let her in so that she, I said, if they let you in, can you bring my food back out?

And finally, that's what happened.

So it was a goddamn, just to go

a mile away to get my dream dinner turned into a nightmare where we were nearly killed in a violent torrential downpour and starved for two hours before being able to get the most meager of sustenance from a fast food place.

How close were you to pulling a paterra?

I can't lift that much, but the intent was that the will was there, but the body would not have

worked.

I'm off Wendy's.

Well,

I am too.

And also because Wendy sucks these days, by the way,

the fucking cardboard fresh-cut fries that they shouldn't have fucked with, and they changed their pickles, and the meat now is not only flavorless, but also too pudgy.

They don't smash it down flat anymore.

I could go on and on.

And nobody, and this goes for every fast food place, nobody

has any pride of

employment there and wants to,

except every once in a while, you'll find a little old lady that actually tries to do things right.

Otherwise, it's like we're annoying them.

Yeah, but that's not new.

That's fast food for years.

It's gotten much worse.

When you get as old as I am and you've eaten as much fast food as I have, you know, it is much worse,

much worse today.

The lackadaisical nature and the incompetence

don't even get me me started.

Okay.

Besides Wendy being a goddamn,

one of the big wigs behind Wendy's being a huge Trump supporter, one of these investment firms or whatever that owns a big piece of it, McDonald's is doing better these days.

McDonald's has got serious about that.

The double quarter pounders are much better than they were a few years ago, but they still got to work on this bacon deal.

Because four times I've ordered add bacon to that double quarter pounder, and not once have I actually gotten the bacon.

Because they don't pay attention.

I guess you have to bring home the bacon yourself, but I've actually had Burger King a few times recently.

I've been very pleasantly surprised by the quality of the hamburger.

Boy, I don't, I caught a few years ago, I was a regular Burger Kinger, and I caught them a microwaving a lot of shit.

And then they came out with that Angus burger that...

I tried that when I was still in TNA, and my God, they put one too many letters in it.

They should have taken the G out of that Angus burger.

And that would have been a more apt description of what I tasted.

And they tried to cover it up with barbecue sauce.

It was like made from battery acid.

So you couldn't, you could put that barbecue sauce they were using on cow shit and wouldn't have known what you were eating.

They now have a chicken parmesan sandwich, which is pretty good.

But Burger King has a chicken parmesan sandwich.

It like that, like the French toast chateau serving fucking

chicken fried steak.

Well, I mean, maybe.

I mean, in that case, but obviously the French toast chateau has to have other breakfast foods in order to get some of the ignorant people in there to try the French toast.

You have to have pancakes and stuff.

Does the French toast chateau have chicken-fried steak?

No.

Well, there's where you've made one of your mistakes.

I went to Cracker Barrel for breakfast the other day and had the chicken-fried chicken for breakfast.

For breakfast?

Chicken-fried chicken with the sausage gravy, two eggs eggs over easy on top of it, with a side order of bacon on top of that, and biscuits on the side.

Your lips will smack your brains out, and your teeth will thank you for putting them through that effort.

See, I think this is another one of those southern things.

You know what else I've never had?

Chicken and waffles.

Oh, goddammit.

Which apparently is a big thing.

I've never had, I've never even seen it offered on a menu.

What?

Where?

Where do you get that?

Well, it's, I mean, it's, it's now, it's so common.

Now they have a goddamn, they have a fried chicken waffle kind of sandwich at White Castle where it's it's like a fucking it's a waffle bun and with the chicken in the middle.

There's not a White Castle near me and also I only do White Castle maybe once every 10 years.

Well, and then I instantly regret it.

I'm just saying I'm not saying that's where you'll get the best chicken and waffles.

I'm saying it's so widespread now that even they have done this.

But a chicken and waffle, can't you imagine with that crunchy, spicy fried chicken?

And then you take a big old big old piece of that buttermilk waffle and you roll it around in that maple syrup and you stick it in that piece of chicken and you put all that in your mouth.

And then you put all that in your mouth together.

You put it in your mouth together, Brian Lass.

It can't be separate.

You got to mix all those flavors together in your mouth and law your tongue around it.

If I was you, Brian Lass, I lo my tongue all around it like I was making love to a French woman in a whorehouse somewhere.

And then, and then when you're taken, you pour some more of that maple syrup all over that waffle, and you get it all nice and gooey and sticky, and then you spear some more of it with your fork and slip some more of it into that fried chicken, and you eat that fried chicken with that waffle.

Oh, you're definitely not going to dumb yourself out of position there, Brian Last.

The Samoans only eat chicken and waffles with meats.

The Samoans only eat chicken and waffles with meat.

Risa Bowden.

Yeah, boy, piercing.

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What are hot browns?

Are those potatoes?

No.

You do not know what a hot brown is?

I do not.

A hot brown is the official dish of Louisville.

uh it was first made well no serious is this official are you declaring it because you like it the official no no this is

they even have hot brown pizzas everybody in louisville has a is a hot brown it was started back in the i think the 20s or 30s at the brown hotel at the at the bar and grill inside the brown hotel

it was a late night thing for the businessmen or whatever the chef just did it one day and now they still sell them as a matter of fact to this day although it's it's the original hot brown, I don't think it's the best.

Hassenauers had what I've always considered to be the best hot brown, but they closed down years ago.

Nevertheless,

it's hard to describe, but it's basically, imagine an open-faced sandwich.

You've got like giant, not just fucking sliced bread, but like nice big

pieces of the Texas toast size type shit, right?

And on top of that is white meat turkey breast.

And you're looking at a nice big oval plate.

So this is not just,

it's fucking sizable dish.

White meat turkey breast over the top of that.

Then a bechamel sauce.

It's like a cheese sauce with all kinds of goodness in it

that with different, I don't know what the fucking spices and ingredients are and everything.

And everybody does them different.

And then

bacon.

Strips of bacon over the top of it and fucking slices of tomato.

And you put that bad boy under the fucking broiler and get it all bubbly and brown on the outside.

You know, the little brown edges, the hot brown, and eat it with a knife and fork.

Oh, my God, you'll slap your mother.

Is there a place in Willow Wolf I just wanted a good pastrami sandwich?

Well, yes.

We've got, yes, we've got all kinds of delis and shit.

I mean, it's not goddamn, you know, Carnegie or anything, but, you know, it'll work.

I don't know if you've been in New York since.

You know, Carnegie Deli's gone, right?

Oh, yes.

Oh, I followed it on the, on the internet, reading all the news and everything.

Yes, it hurt my feelings.

I'll never be able to go there again.

But at the same time, I wasn't going to go all the way to New York just to go to the Carnegie Deli.

Have you been to Katz's deli?

I have not.

You threatened to take me one time and we didn't do it.

You know, my favorite, and even though it's not the original location anymore, 2nd Avenue Deli.

was always to me the very best.

If you wanted really good kosher deli food, it used to be on 2nd Avenue.

And then in typical New York fashion, they lost the rent and it became a Chase Bank.

And now it's on, I think there's two locations.

One of them's on like 33rd between 3rd and Lexington, nowhere near 2nd Avenue.

Can you take me to the 2nd Avenue deli?

Well, what streets it on?

Yeah, exactly.

But that to me was the very best.

Katzus' cafeteria scene.

Well, but yeah, but this is completely different.

This is the only reason I call it an open-faced sandwich is just to kind of give you an idea of what it might look like.

But it's not a deli thing per se, but it's complete.

But it's a giant

dish.

It's good, good.

But they have hot brown pizzas, they have hot brown casseroles, they have hot brown sliders.

They have, in you, you'll find a hot brown something all over the place.

And you said official.

Is it actually like the was it declared the official food of Louisville?

Well, I don't know if it got a certificate, as my aunt Lola would say, but yeah, if you ask somebody in Louisville, um, you know, what is the

local?

I mean, because burgoo is a Kentucky thing, but the hot brown is what's burgu

oh for we've talked about burgu

it's not a soup it's not a stew it's burgundy no

kentucky burgu comes from well in the old days

you know with the first settlements like boonesboro they had those you know you've seen the big iron like witches cauldron things well that was in the in the old days at at the end of the year whenever you took what was left over and of course in those days it was like possum and rabbit and squirrel and raccoon or whatever but all the meats and if you had corn if you had whatever vegetables you had left over and any kind of spices and pepper or whatever you put it in a pot in the middle of town and

cook it and it's burgoo and that and then they would be able to save some of that also through the winter but this is back before electricity and refrigeration or whatever but modern kentucky burgoo especially the best place Mark's Feed Store,

several locations around the Louisville area.

If you go just get the fucking burgoo and some Texas toast or cornbread, it's giant chunks of their

barbecue, whether it's their brisket or their pork or there's chicken in there.

And there's everything from carrots and peas and celery to all kinds of vegetables, corn, there's white pepper, there's black pepper.

They won't give out the recipe.

And Stacey's been trying to wheedle it for like years.

She'll go in and she'll say, Well, I'm allergic to such and such.

Oh, that's not it.

So she'll cross that off the list.

Or is there so-and-so in this?

Well, yes, that's one of the ingredients.

And she's been trying to piece it together.

But it's, it's just, it's a spicy, beefy

goodness, and where it's thicker than soup.

It's kind of a stew, but it's not really.

You eat it with a spoon.

And oh, and sop the bread up in it.

Oh, my God.

It's just so good.

Burgoo.

Are you into brisket?

Yes,

I like me some brisket.

Yeah, me too.

Yeah.

Well, anyway, but yeah, but the point is, yes, there's no, I don't, if you go to Mark's feed store, there will not be any squirrel or raccoon or possum.

Every once in a while,

they slip a skunk in just to keep, you know, people on their toes.

But

it's just, it's goodness.

That's what you get when you come to Kentucky is goodness.

Have you ever had frog's legs or alligator?

Well, I had frog's legs one time right after that second knee surgery, but after a couple months of rehab, I, you know,

no, I'm not going to eat a goddamn frog's leg.

No, that's bullshit.

What do you mean it's bullshit?

It's delicious.

It's bullshit.

I'm not eating a leg off a fucking frog.

You don't have to rip it off the frog.

You just have to.

I don't care.

It's been frog off.

If it's ever been connected to a fucking frog, I don't want it.

What about alligator?

I've had alligator, but the fried alligator bites.

And

I mean, you know, if you get them in Florida, it's a high-end place, you know, yeah, but otherwise I don't feel the need.

Have you ever had shark?

Believe it or not, I'm trying to think somewhere I think in Florida also, just for the fuck of it.

I don't recall being a fan, but it wasn't offensive.

I just, I won't eat things like fucking people say crawfish.

Fuck that.

They're mud bugs.

They're mud bugs.

They live in holes in the ground in muddy areas.

I've seen them

crawling out of the fucking lake back behind us here when I was a kid.

We'd go over there fishing years ago on the farm.

I don't, I've no, they're fucking filthy, disgusting, bottom-feeding mudbugs.

And I will not eat crawfish.

I do like catfish, but not like gas station catfish or whatever.

If you go to a really good Cajun place and you get really well-prepared catfish that's fresh, it's fucking fantastic.

But

you can go very far wrong on catfish, too.

That's kind of what I was going to ask you.

When you worked in Mid-South, when you were in Louisiana, was there a lot of good seafood?

Oh, yeah.

Well, we didn't get to eat hardly any of it.

But yes, there was and continues to be to this day.

I mean, we never had

every once in a while for a special occasion, and it wouldn't be like me at the midnight going, you'd take your girlfriend or wife or whatever.

You would, if you got a day off, maybe once a month, you would go to a nice dinner.

But But I mean, I think I ate in an actual sit-down restaurant where you had to order and the food was brought to your table.

And, you know, otherwise than like a goddamn cafeteria or something, maybe a dozen times in a year in Louisiana, in that territory.

Well, maybe a little bit more because usually sometimes we go to the buffet in Oklahoma City.

It was always around our trips.

You never had time off.

You didn't want to go out in public if you were a heel.

You know, so yes, there was, but I've, I lived in Louisiana for a year, but I've eaten the majority of the great Louisiana seafood and Cajun cooking over the last 10 years since I've been down here a couple times.

If you were a foodie, what territory would you have wanted to work in?

Well, God, see, that's there's there's different cities.

You know, food's great in New Orleans, especially if you love Cajun and seafood.

Florida has great food all over the place.

Baltimore is the place to go if you just want to eat.

Little Italy, so many places are good there.

Sabatino's is the old favorite, but there's a number of good places in Little Italy, but also the Inner Harbor, Fells Point, that, oh gosh, the Edgar Allan Poe-themed

fucking...

Cross that we rent.

I'm trying to think what the name of it was.

It's actually, it's reviewed on jimcornet.com under Now with Tomato.

But there is probably more great restaurants and more variety of same in Baltimore than any place except like a fucking, you know, New York or Los Angeles.

And Baltimore is so much more pleasant to be in than those places.

So, yeah.

But it doesn't have to be a territory.

You're just talking cities.

Great city.

And then in Memphis, you got the barbecue.

And it just, it goes on and on.

As a matter of fact, I got an email about you from Joel, Joel Claunch, as a matter of fact.

This is the entirety of the email.

Goddamn, Jim, what are you?

Heartless?

Brian is practically begging you for help.

For shit's sake, get that non-cheese-eating son of a bitch some fucking cheese.

That's what you've needed.

That's why you're not calm.

You don't eat enough cheese.

Yeah, you know what?

What's his name, Joel?

Joel, Joel Claunch.

You know, I i don't have to say anything his name says it all

what his name says claunch thank you mr claunch

you're a mean one mr clunch and for the record crabgrass in your soul i had a snack before we recorded because these sessions take so long yeah it was something longer every week something you weren't aware of apparently i had some string cheese

before sorento's light string cheese and it was delicious and it was white i don't like yellow cheese i don't know why anyone would have no no no, you need some good old melty American cheese on some bunny bread.

That's what you need.

Fix you right up.

Disgusting.

This fucking Northeastern attitude.

Do you like grilled cheese?

Because that's another thing, obviously, I don't need it.

Grilled cheese?

On de bread.

On de boud.

Have you ever seen it on the Cartoon Network?

It's Elmer Fudd doing kind of a slow James,

not James Brown, but Isaac Hayes Groove song called Grilled Cheese on de Buer.

I have not seen this.

No.

I like grilled cheese on de boud.

And especially if there's a little bacon in between there, then that's just, that'll just make your lips smack your fucking brains out.

Anyway,

do you eat anything properly?

I eat lots of things properly.

You're always talking about granola and fucking bagels.

And, you know.

Do you like Indian food?

I just had some Indian food.

Oh, now.

Oh, for heaven's sake.

Are you out of your mind who

that shit is?

It's fantastic.

That's what it is.

Get some chicken tikka masala.

It's delicious.

Stace has had that.

It smells like a dirty fucking diaper.

Stace loves that Indian food.

When we were over in the UK,

they kept

all you could find is Indian food with that dirty nappy fucking shit.

It's delicious.

It's delicious.

Samosa, some fritters.

I believe it's called vegetable pakora.

Delicious.

I don't.

All I know is I didn't see any stray dogs in the neighborhoods neighborhoods of all those restaurants.

Do you like Colombian food?

What is even Colombian food?

Again, it's delicious.

There's lots of meat, plantains, or plantanos, as they are called in the Colombian restaurant.

There's beautiful women with fantastic asses everywhere you look in the Colombian restaurants.

Are you allowed to eat them too?

I don't think so because

the Colombian woman I'm with, they have a problem with that.

Well, what do you have to do?

What does that have to do with the menu then?

That was a very sexist thing to say.

You're talking about the foods of Colombia, the culture of Colombia, then suddenly these women with big asses come up.

Well, I'm not going to lie.

When I think of the Colombian restaurant, that is one of the things I think of.

And it's not necessarily they have big asses.

Some of them do.

But it's the pants they wear.

They just fit perfectly.

It's wonderful.

Noches de Colombia nearby.

So again, I'm showing that I eat various things.

I'm a worldly man, an extravagant man, a very elegant man when it comes to food.

I don't just eat grilled cheese sandwiches and whatever it is you're eating over there.

Well, I'll take you to some places here down south to eat.

I don't know if the pants are fitted properly or if the women have big asses or not, but you'll get some decent food for heaven's sake.

We'll see.

I was just talking to John Arezzi about this,

about how he's kind of sick of barbecue.

And when he comes to New York, which he comes rather often.

He lives in Nashville right now.

The food is so much better up here.

He can get

food up here.

He's an original New Yorker.

He's a crock pot New Yorker.

Better chicken.

Where are you going to get better fried chicken than Hattie B's in Nashville, Tennessee?

Specifically, actually, I was just talking to John about this.

There's a place he likes named Chicken Tonight in Lindenhurst on Long Island.

I haven't had it yet.

He swears by it, and they have great steak fries, apparently.

I can't believe we're talking about this.

The best fried chicken in America is at Hattie B's in Nashville, downtown on Broadway, just so you know.

Have you ever had Popeyes?

Because obviously I just had chick chick-fil-fucks.

Have I ever had Popeyes?

What have I ever taken a breath?

Have I ever tied my shoes?

What have I ever had Popeyes?

How the fuck would you never have Popeyes?

I've never had Popeyes.

Oh, God.

Well, you wouldn't have one if there isn't one nearby.

Well, you don't travel as much as I do.

I guess that is a point.

I mean, there's one nearby, a place I go in Bushwick, but I'm not going to that one.

Bushwick?

Bushwick in Brooklyn.

Could you ever get bushwhacked over in Bushwick?

Oh, very easily.

Very, very fucking easily.

Well, anyway, I'm not going to be able to save your taste.

Let's quickly get a non-wrestling question here on the show, Jim.

This was sent in on Twitter using the hashtag Corney Drive-Thru from Mark Gillette.

During the reigning and defending greatest drive-through ever, episode 122,

Jim Cornett teased the story about throwing change at a gas station clerk after

Stacy had been sold spoiled mayonnaise,

ruining the potato salad.

Can we get the rest of the story?

This will be a good one to close on.

Do we have any song submissions?

We do.

I didn't know we were closing on this one.

We're closing on this one and going to song submissions.

I may have to poop myself shortly.

But

here's what happened.

I'm sitting here one day, and Stacey's going to make some potato salad.

And she makes it and says, what the fuck?

Wait.

Come to find out the jar of mayonnaise that she had used that she had just bought down the street at our Thornton's convenience store

was expired and was a shit.

And she'd mixed it in, it now messed up all the shit, right?

I said, when did you get that?

She said, I just got it like a car.

I just picked it up so I could make this potato salad.

I said, well, go down there

and show the guy, because she's literally just been there, right?

I said, go down there and show the guy the expiration, let him smell it, whatever, and get your money back.

So she comes back in a little while later.

I'm doing whatever work.

She's, well, fuck that guy.

I said, what do you mean?

He was rude to me.

He said, I didn't have the receipt because I didn't think to keep the receipt for the fucking thing.

I said, wasn't it the same guy you bought it from?

She said, yes.

I said, he didn't remember you, right?

At the time, that's when she had the flaming red fucking hair with the streaks or whatever.

I said, he didn't remember you.

He thought you were just trying to scam him for a $3 thing of fucking mayonnaise.

I said, now I'm hot.

So give me that fucking mayonnaise.

So I go down there.

And

this was,

I'm going to say 2006-ish or so, right?

So

there was still some heat over the

al-Qaeda, 9-11, the bombings, the whole nine-yard.

Just so you know what frame of mind I'm in.

And this guy is definitely of Middle Eastern origin.

So anyway, he's working behind the counter.

There's a line.

There's two people.

So I've got the mayonnaise

and I fucking wait in line.

And when I got up there, I said, excuse me.

I said, my wife just came in here with this mayonnaise.

Set it down.

I said, she was trying to get her money back because it's ruined.

She just bought it in here.

And you wouldn't give her money back.

I'd like to know why.

Well, she did not have the receipt.

I said, do you think this is some kind of game that we're playing besides the fact that you're the one that sold her?

Well, first, when I said my wife is just in here with the spoiled mayonnaise, he looked at me like I've just come in from Mars, right?

I said, do you think this is some kind of game that we're playing around town that we're trying to get this money?

I said, the mayonnaise is ruined.

We just bought it in here.

We just want the $3 back or whatever the fuck.

And once again, he said, I said, my wife asked you and you wouldn't give her her money back.

i said she was just and he's just looking at me right i said she was just in here

he said you calmed down sir now he's yelling at me you calm down you calm down you calm down and you say i you want me to calm down motherfucker i'm being calm right now you want to see not calm i hope they bomb your fucking country next you cocksucker

and i picked up the goddamn change thing take a penny leave a penny and i pegged it sideways at his fucking head, right?

I said, no, because he's, he's already, from the time he said, you calm down, you calm down, he's grabbed his phone like he's going to call the police to get me to run off, right?

Like this, suddenly I said, she's just in here and she was complaining about the mayonnaise and you remember none of this in about that tone.

And he's, you calm down, you calm down.

He grabs his phone.

I said, I'll show you what's not calm, you motherfucker.

And I fuck cuss him.

I pegged that thing at him.

I said, this will be the last time I spent a fucking dollar in here.

I am calling the police.

I said, good, call them about this.

And as I go out the door, it's the glass door, right?

And I fucking turn around and I heave that thing with all my might.

Because I have smashed

three glass doors to put an exclamation point on thing in my things in my time.

And the last time it was in 1996 in Tampa at a goddamn off-brand hotel that had sold me a goddamn room that hadn't been made up and then didn't want to give me a refund.

But I digress.

Anyway, I slam this fucking door as hard as I can.

It's one of those goddamn pneumatic jobs.

It's got the air fucking thing on it.

I slammed it.

It went 100 miles an hour for about a foot and then slowed down and went.

So

I was like, motherfucker.

So I'm getting in the fucking truck.

And that's when I had just, as a matter of fact, it was 2006 because I just bought the expedition.

And I fucking back up and I'm pulling out of the parking lot and I see this fucking dickhead coming out with a fucking pad of paper and trying to write down my license number.

Right.

And I'm thinking like, you know, I could just back up and just back the fuck over you and I wouldn't care a thing about it, you cocksucker.

But on a theory that he's called possibly going to write the number down and it'll be on his dead body, I just pulled out.

So I come back home.

I I immediately call my good friend Donnie P.

Car Dealer to the stars over at Paul Miller Ford in Lexington, because I still had a dealer plate, right?

I just bought the truck.

I said, Donnie, I said,

can the police trace one of these dealer plates to exactly whose car it is?

They said, no, they can just trace it back to Paul Miller Ford.

I said, well, good.

In that case, I don't have to go hang out in the Ann Frank room for a couple hours.

And then I just didn't go back into that.

And you know, wouldn't you know who won the pony?

Apparently, I was not the only person dissatisfied with the service and merchandise at that store because it wasn't, I don't think it was several months after that.

See, that guy was the fucking manager.

He was always in there.

He saw us all the time.

He knew we spent money in there all the time.

And he couldn't even be bothered to fucking refund us $3 for the mayonnaise from people he'd seen coming in there buying shit constantly.

So fuck him and whatever country he came from that I hope they do bomb the next time they start bombing shit.

But

he couldn't fucking track me down.

Anyway, three months later, he's gone.

The store closed down.

It got a complete facelift, an entire brand new fucking staff, the whole nine yards.

So I won out in the end.

But I learned a valuable lesson.

You cannot slam with any type of authority those goddamn pneumatic hinged fucking convenience store doors.

Lesson learned.

Which is a very valuable thing to know.

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I've got an email taking you to task.

And I hate to do this.

And you're, you know, kick a man when he's down, but you're, you know, you deserve this for this.

Wait, you will be suitably chastened when you hear the content of this email from William, no last name given.

That's exactly what it says.

Dear Jim, having just listened to the drive-through the other day, and if you don't, folks, why in the world do you listen to this show and not that?

For people who like that kind of of thing, that's more the kind of thing you people like.

After listening to drive-thru and hearing the conversation digress to discussing pizza and specifically Evansville, Indiana pizza, I was intrigued.

But after hearing Brian's casual dismissal of Evansville pizza, I quote, I don't want New York City pizza.

I want pizza from Evansville.

Get out of here.

I would like to send a blow-it-out your ear to him.

Although I think with what you've been doing lately, ass may be more apropos.

But I'm too nice a person to do that, Williams says.

I was born and raised in Evansville, Indiana, and our local pizza scene is phenomenal.

I was fortunate enough to live within walking distance from the Raqqa bar when I was a kid some 30 years ago now, so I'm well acquainted with their pizza, which was simply fantastic.

I knew it was good, but I hadn't realized how much of a reputation that place had until I was watching an episode of WWF Superstars some sleepy Saturday morning in the 90s.

And during some forgettable match, I heard you singing the praises of Rockabar Pizza to a skeptical Jim Ross.

I remember it because it's one of the few times that Evansville has ever been mentioned on a national television show in a positive light.

I've been to New York and Chicago and have had their signature pizzas, and I'd put the Rockabar Pizza up against any of those any day of the week and twice on Sunday.

So I would like to humbly request that the not-so-great Brian Last, the mediocre Brian Last, the pizza putts Brian Last, do some research before writing off Evansville Pizza without apparently even trying it.

That's what Williams said.

Would you like me to respond?

Please do.

On behalf of myself and everyone else up here in civilization, in the New York, New Jersey area, where we have stellar pizza.

Everywhere you turn, the best pizza in the country.

Some may say the best pizza in the world.

You could take Evansville and stick it up your ass.

Hey,

I shouldn't say anything until I try it.

Guess what?

I'm never going to try it.

I'm never going to Evansville, Indiana.

Well, you know what?

You might not have to

because some enterprising person,

because I had somebody do it for me one time, Charlie Shearer, this guy used to go to the matches years ago and

he would volunteer, help take tickets and things.

I mean, he didn't need a job.

He was a very successful man, but he just liked wrestling.

And he actually,

he's gone now, sadly enough.

But when I was living in Connecticut, he dry iced me a couple of Rocka Bar pizzas one time

just because I was, you know, had mentioned to him on the phone.

We'd happen to talk.

I said, oh, God, I hate it up here.

But anyway,

but Brian, let me ask you that, what makes...

the pizza up there so special?

Is it because it's authentically Italian, you know, the Italian sections and they make it by hand hand and all that stuff.

Is that what it is?

I think that's part of it.

I think the water is a major part of it.

The water?

The water.

Good God.

Believe it or not.

That's one of the big things.

You can stick a spoon upright in a glass of your New York water.

That's one of the big things you hear from people that leave New York and move to Florida, and they can't get a good bagel, and they can't get a good slice of pizza.

The big difference is the water used in the dough.

Of course, the authenticity of the people making the pizza is a big big deal.

Although, I got to say, you go to New York City, you can get some really good dollar slices that are made by Mexicans.

Oh, good God.

I've met those dollar slices.

It's like a piece of roofing shingle.

It's, I'm telling you, as I said, New York pizza, just because it's in New York,

is not a stamp of approval.

If it's a nice place, nice restaurant, I'm sure the pizza is nice.

But some of those fucking shops on the corner, I wouldn't feed that shit to Harley Quinn.

She'd have intestinal distress.

And then you can write a song about it.

And we'd like to hear it.

Here it goes.

Oh, my God.

But here's the thing.

Let me explain to you the history of the Raqqa bar in Evansville.

Now, I must admit now, for people who are going to flock there, I was over in Evansville several, four or five years ago and stopped by the same old location.

And it wasn't what I remember because of what I will tell you now shortly here.

But it's still pretty goddamn good.

Is it named after Antonino Raca?

No, there's only one C, R-O-C-A, the Raqqa Bar.

But

in Evansville, Indiana, in the 70s, in the late 70s, on a Wednesday night after the matches at the Coliseum down on Court Street, the same building where it's still open, and they'd had wrestling there in the 19 teens.

It was like the Coliseum at Evansville and the Louisville Gardens are probably the oldest wrestling, continuous wrestling buildings in the country.

Anyway, on a Wednesday night, by the time you got out, you know,

the show's over at five or 10 minutes to 10.

By the time that, you know, all the box offices counted up and the merchandise is packed up and everything, and you get in your car and you go somewhere to get something to eat, it's 10.30.

Well, the Raca bar was down, I think it,

oh God, was it on Kentucky Street?

Oddly enough, you'd think I'd remember that.

But anyway, it was adjacent to downtown, only a short distance away from the Coliseum.

And their kitchen was open until in those days, 11 o'clock.

But once we became regulars and they expected us, they would just, they'd be open until we got there.

And it was always Christine Jarrett and whoever was driving her.

It might be Sammy Malone, might be her niece, Donna,

the ladies that helped take tickets and sell tickets, Bernadine Sutherland and

sometimes the Gaddy family and various other people.

They had one time, Lawler's birthday party came on a Wednesday night.

He was in Evansville, and I'm sure he loved being there on his birthday.

And the crew there threw him a birthday party, and then Tojo had to come because Tojo was riding with him.

He's like, I don't want to, you know, you can see on his face, I don't want to be fucking sitting here at Lawler's birthday party with a bunch of fucking ticket takers.

But anyway, I digress.

My mom and myself, and sometimes some of the boys would go get something to eat.

So

they became used to us, and we had the run of the place.

But

the reason why the pizza was so good, it was a thin crust pizza that they don't cut into triangles like they do up there, like savages.

They like down here in the Midwest, they cut them into rectangle pieces.

And every single one of those rectangles on a sausage pizza, they didn't just grind the sausage up and sprinkle it all over.

It had a little sausage ball.

And the sausage was homemade because the old couple that owned the place, their name was Casalovecchio.

His name was Evie, or I'm sorry, her name was Evie.

His name was, oh my God, was it?

I can't remember.

Tony, possibly Tony Casalovecchio.

But this fucking guy ground his own sausage, made his own dough.

I think they made their own, you know,

sauce.

Everything was done by hand, this little place,

and they just did great sandwiches and pizza and stuff like that.

And it was a labor of love.

And obviously, that was 40 years ago, and the guy was 60 then.

So, unless he's some kind of goddamn genetic freak, he ain't grinding that sausage anymore.

So, now, you know,

they've opened up another location from what I hear, in addition to the original one, and etc., but I'm sure it's not the same, just like nothing is the same as it used to be.

But I'll have you know, I would put that pizza up from 1979 up against any of your Yankee pizzas.

Oh, give me a break.

Who wants sausage on their pizza?

What?

Sounds like.

What the fuck?

You build the pizza around the sausage?

No.

What?

Cheese?

There's not sauce.

Crust.

That's it.

What?

That's it.

Not even extra cheese.

No, no, no.

You've got sausage and bacon and pepperoni and onions and green peppers and mushrooms.

That's not pizza.

What the?

You are seriously going to sit there and explain to me that you're eating cheese pizza with no toppings.

Yes, as we call it up here, pizza.

That is what I'm eating.

And the sauce is the most important part.

Oh, good God.

Oh, God.

Sausage and meats.

Get out of here.

You got the pineapple on it, too?

Oh, for heaven's sake.

No, no.

I had that one time, and I spent the whole flight back from California in an airplane toilet puking and shitting at the same time.

And it got messy depending on which end was up.

But back up a minute.

You got cheese pizza is dough and fucking cheese.

There's nothing wrong with cheese, but it's just sitting on the dough.

The cheese needs to be nestled around all that meaty goodness.

It's sitting on the sauce, which is on the dough.

The sauce is just there to kind of grease up the meat and the cheese to help it slide down your throat easier.

What

and oh my God, the one time you'll eat cheese and then you don't want any meat on it?

Just like you eat meat, but you don't want cheese on it?

What kind of fucking alien are you?

You're one of the invaders.

I don't have an answer for that.

I have never eaten a piece of pizza that didn't involve some kind of meat on it

to give it, that's the, that's your main course.

A pizza without meat is just a bunch of side fucking dishes.

So I'm eating pizza and you're eating rectangled slices of cheese and meat

and homemade,

good old pork sausage goodness and

delicious cheese and onions to give it some oomph and sprinkle.

Oh, and the mushrooms that adds it.

There you got your vegetables without even knowing it.

Well, I got news for you, Brian last.

I'm going to reveal a secret right here on the drive-thru, right on Jim Cornett's drive-thru, as you so aptly described it.

You have been faking this illness.

I hate to use that four-letter word that begins with F, but you have been fabricating, my friend, you have fabricated this.

You have fabricated this illness to get sympathy on yourself

because you have ignited

a firestorm of controversy in both the wrestling and pizza worlds.

And I think that you have realized that people were starting to go, cancel, cancel last.

Cancel last is what was starting to trend.

And you suddenly, you took ill and you were on your deathbed.

Pray for Brian.

Well, first of all, you started pray for Brian.

Second of all, I think you ignited the firestorm.

Third of all, there's only one thing that would legitimately cause me to fake an illness like this.

And that would be to get out of watching Monday Night Raw.

And unfortunately, I will be watching it tonight, so I did not fake anything.

I thought you were going to say a good insurance scam is the only thing it would cost me to.

No,

give the people an update.

We don't want you to go into gory detail, but

you were feeling very, very poorly and you were dizzy and you had a fever.

And

we've tried to sandwich recording times around times when you were able to gather yourself together.

I have not felt this bad in as long as I can remember.

I spent the better part of four days in bed, and anyone who knows me knows that it's impossible for me not to you're never in bed I'm never

every single one of your ex-girlfriends the one thing they would universally agree on he's never we can't get him in bed well it I've never spent this much time in bed or at least not in a number of years and you were very uh gracious I got to thank you every time I called you up and said Jim I don't think I could do it after about four minutes of being called every kind of motherfucker in the bed no no no I did not no no no you were really good you were really uh understanding about it you had just been sick as well but yeah I knocked for a a loop uh got some blood tests this morning i don't have the results yet but hopefully everything's on the up and up but i still feel like shit after we're done recording this i'll be going back to bed for a little bit and then hopefully waking up at some point in the middle of the night hopefully waking up at some point is always a goal that we have every every night when we lay our heads down to sleep but so and the pizza thing

hold on one more one more thing you went to this high-priced medical facility see now here's the thing just any old body can go to a hospital, but you got to have Vince McMahon or Brian Lass kind of money to get to a medical facility because they'll charge you out the ass.

But you went to a high-priced medical facility and the

miracle drug that you were prescribed, that you were told by the medical professionals at the medical, you can't have doctors in a hospital.

You have medical professionals at a medical facility.

The miracle drug they gave you was water, was H2O.

They didn't even give it to you.

They recommended recommended it to you.

So drink plenty of water.

They recommended a lot of water.

They said if it was the flu, it's too late, but you never want to hear ever.

If it's the flu, it's too late.

It's too late.

We have to get you within the first 48 hours.

Otherwise, you're helpless.

It's not coronavirus.

So I got that going for me.

And if you go to a medical facility, does Vince call it a medical vehicle or is he okay with ambulance?

You know,

actually, let's see the next time they do it, probably two or three weeks from now, when they do it again.

Let's see if they call it an ambulance or a medical vehicle

or possibly a medical transport vehicle.

And the EMTs would be the medical transport vehicle personnel.

That would roll right off the tongue if you're doing wrestling announcing live.

But I got to catch up on a lot of reading.

I got to watch some me TV.

I got to catch up on curb your enthusiasm.

There were some positives in my thoughts.

Well, you're okay.

Well, let me curb your enthusiasm now.

Now that I've got you in the hot hot seat, over the past several days, you have literally been demonized in public, if you will.

You have been demonized.

You have been shamed.

You have been called every name in the book.

You have been threatened with cancellation because of your controversial, your inflammatory,

your perspicacious comments on pizza.

And the fact that

people are turning on you, Brian, that people who once were firmly in your corner have now now said, What in the world is this man saying?

How can he have done it?

It's like a dagger through the heart that you claimed that the way that you eat pizza, that you prefer pizza, the pizza should be done, is the dough, the sauce, and cheese.

Oh, if that's the only problem, I'm okay with that.

I thought you were going to say people were disputing me saying that the best pizza in the world is here in New York and New Jersey.

Well, no, no, no, well, that's it.

Actually, you've just, what you've done is you've ignited a firestorm in both the pizza and the wrestling communities, and they're all coming together to say, what the fuck are you talking about, Willis?

Not only,

you've seen the testimony on Twitter that many people who were born and raised in New York said, no, Cornette's right.

It's overrated.

I didn't see that.

It has nothing to do with the fucking water and the dough, for fuck's sake.

One guy said, oh, yeah, well, I got a place near me.

They ship the water.

They get the water up there from the East River.

You want your fucking pizza dough Hoffa flavored?

Or possibly, you know,

fucking,

you know, you want it Hoffa flavored or you want it gotta be flavored from the East River?

Our crust now with like the pizza had had the loaded cheese pizza edge.

Now they have now with hypodermic needles.

We have famously East River water.

No, we have famously, some might say notoriously, fantastic water drinking water up here.

It is a fact.

Oh, oh, it's oh, it's fantastic.

It's perfect.

Perfect water up here.

You can't tell me that a city that produces that much filth and exhaust and disgust and pestilence and germs and disease and soot and excrement of a variety of

living organisms

can possibly have competent.

And the pipes are so old and

the infrastructure.

You can't tell me that water should be consumed by human beings, much less put in a dough of pizza that people are going to eat and feed to their children.

I can tell you that, yes.

You can tell me that.

I told you you couldn't tell me that.

No, but wait a minute.

More importantly than this,

more importantly than this.

We have great water filtration.

It's almost like Austin Idol sold everyone up here at water filtration units.

Oh, God.

We have fantastic water.

They're all NSA.

He's a 47th level Mason and a 52nd level NSA fucking fucking ground floor member.

Anyway, what I'm saying to you is about the topping business.

You're not going to get by with this because people have been appalled and shocked and bum-fuzzled and gobsmacked over the lack of topping issue that you have created.

I've been retweeting.

A lot of people, they sent me pictures of Emo's pizza in St.

Louis, sent me pictures of their favorite local pizza place.

He's, oh, I'm so hungry.

These huge sausage balls

and all all the different kinds of toppings and everything.

You

still maintain in the face of all of this blowback that you should only have the dough, the sauce and cheese on a pizza.

To truly appreciate the essence of the pizza.

Correct.

Now, if you want to add things because the goodness of the pizza isn't good enough for you, that's fine.

I know some people who want a hot dog with just mustard.

i know some people want peppers and onions and all sorts of shit on there who's right who's wrong

i'll tell you the guy that wants just mustard because fucking mustard yellow mustard sucks

what come on yes see now you're being now you're being ridiculous i refuse to eat yellow mustard in any shape form or fashion on a burger on a dog anything i'll

be my friend hold on here a second no fuck yellow mustard anybody that manufactures yellow mustard can take my fucking fist and shove it straight up their fucking sphincter because yellow mustard is a putrid thing that ruins the taste of everything it comes in contact with.

Now, I like the creamy Dijon mustard or the brown mustard.

J.R.'s main event mustard is incredible.

That's my favorite mustard.

I'll eat that on a hot dog.

I'll eat it on a turkey sandwich.

I'll eat it all day long.

But pure old yellow mustard that people put on fucking hot dogs at various sporting events and or entertainment venues sucks donkey cock.

Yellow mustard goes on hot dogs and it goes on pretzels.

No, I'll tell you what.

Here's what you do: you get some of those Johnsonville sausage dogs, like the Andouille New Orleans Andouille sausage dog, or the better cheddars with built-in cheddars, and you put that on a toasted bun and you shovel on some onions.

And then you can either go with the barbecue sauce or you could go with J.R.'s Chipotle ketchup, it is very good, or

you go the whole way and you mix up some cheese queso queso and you ladle that thing on there.

And that is a dog, my friend.

At the Louisville Gardens, my Tuesday night pre-gardens event dinner.

Every week, every Tuesday night for years and years, as a photographer, I would, no matter what happened, when they opened the goddamn concession stand at 7 o'clock for the 8 o'clock show,

I would be around there getting one of their sausage dogs.

It was a ginormous one-pound sausage dog in this big bun, and they ladled on the fucking nacho cheese.

And oh my God, that was something.

Well, every once in a while, I'd have two of them.

And that would hold me till after the matches.

But you got to have some kind of cheese queso or barbecue sauce on your dog.

That's disgusting.

And onions.

Oh, for heaven's sake.

And you're

a barbecue sauce?

I've seen people do cheese.

Barbecue sauce and a hot dog?

Yeah.

No.

Well, not just a plain old, I don't eat plain old hot dog.

Look at break a plain old hot dog in half and look at all the gimmicks in there.

And it's just

processed meat.

If you're going to go for processed meat, go for the heavy-duty, the sausage dogs, the brats.

As I said, the Johnsonvilles.

You know,

for a hardy dog.

Oh,

the Nathans are too skinny and long.

There's nothing to them.

It's like a fucking meat toothpick.

I'll tell you what, go down to Memphis and get some of the the barbecued smoked sausage

at Corky's or down at the rendezvous and hit some of that fucking sauce on there, boy, and your lips will smack your brains out.

But anyway, back to the pizza.

A lot of people have disowned you because of your lack of toppings on pizza and this irrational talk about

dough.

And I just want to say one thing.

If somebody out there,

if somebody, some guy who possibly even works at a mustard factory, but he makes money And he works hard for his money.

And he works his fingers to the bone for his money.

And what he ends up with is bony fingers.

And finally, he saves up enough money to take his family, his fat wife, Greta,

and his fucking two or three howl at the moon kids.

And he's going to take them out for a night of fine dining.

because he can finally afford it.

And he goes to a pizza place.

And he's, and he, or he says, kind sir, I've just been paid at the the mustard factory.

And I've got all this money, and I want your biggest, finest pizza pie.

And I want you to bring it to me.

I'm going to feed my whole family.

Just whatever your biggest, finest pizza pie is.

I'll take it.

And they would say, Yes, sir, we'll take your money.

And they come back 15 minutes later.

Some wise ass sets down a goddamn baked piece of dough

of covered in fucking glorified ketchup with some cheese melted on it, all sitting there all alone and lonesome like a spare prick at the wedding.

What do you think that man would say when he had turned over his hard-earned funds for their finest pizza pie?

What do you think his reaction would be?

Who do you think he might be able to call to get some kind of compensation when what he had been expecting and ordered and purchased and paid for was not brought to him?

Who could he possibly turn to in his time of need, Brian?

Hold on.

Call Steve and P.

News

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And to join me just barely in doing this, I hope he, I'm hunched back from carrying this kid the past few days, folks.

He's been sick, though.

He's He's Hawaiian Brian, the podcasting lion, the king of the Arcadian Vanguard Podcast Network, Mr.

Co-host to you, the proprietor of the French Toast Chateau, and the future owner of Brian's dough sauce and cheese topless pizza joint, your friend and mine, the great Brian Last.

Aloha, Jim.

And boy, what a pleasure it is to be here once again.

I would like a topless pizza place.

That does sound rather intriguing.

But the problem is that tomato sauce gets hot.

And if it was to drip on the nipples, you could have a lot of troubles.

And you might even have some workman's compensation claims.

I think I've figured out what your problem is.

You've been sick for several days now.

You've had no energy, very lethargic.

You've had a high fever at one point.

You were prescribed water at the urgent care.

told

not even given water, just free water, just told to drink plenty of water.

By the way, if you don't know all this, listen to the drive-thru to get caught up to what we're talking about here.

Yeah, you know, know, by the way, just to go off on a tangent, not like this is something that I do regularly, and it will provide some buffer before we have to talk about RAW.

We've been cross-programming back and forth on the YouTube.

We tried to make them two separate programs, the drive-through and the experience, but so many things have come up recently that are topical, so many things that were important, so many things that start these controversies.

We've been playing clips and playing songs and referring to things and going back and forth.

Let's just face it, folks.

You can wait no longer.

If you don't listen to the drive-thru now, then your experience experience is being hampered because you're not up to date on everything.

Because there was some witty banter and snappy repartee over the pizza controversy that's been ongoing and as well on this past week's drive-through, as well as the beginning of what could be a very crucial hot dog debate.

And so much more.

And we've started reviewing things on both programs because we've just, we're putting out so much content for the folks and the numbers keep going up.

We want to make sure everybody's smartened up to everything.

So the drive-through,

then the experience should be your weekly drive-throughs usually on Monday, but we'll get to that.

Experience usually on Friday.

And then you've bookended your week.

with not only entertainment, valuable wrestling knowledge, but also you're up to date on the latest food controversies and as well as your health and my health last month.

And I was about to say that I've discovered the problem.

This must be the coronavirus.

I thought I had the coronavirus.

I only had a sinus infection.

And I think you've got the coronavirus.

And I think that you're being made worse by the fact that the stock market has dropped, as we speak in the last 36 hours, 1,500 fucking points.

And I know you, and that's more painful than any fucking germ or virus or injury

could possibly be.

And by the way, remember our fucking pigface president, a piece of shit in the White House, one time tweeted, well, if the stock market dropped a thousand points in one day, the president should be impeached.

Well, I agree with you, Donald, and you already were.

It's just you got too many of your fucking people in the right places.

But

we have a madman, a lunatic,

a psychopath, a goof, not even a smart maniac, but a goofy maniac in the White House.

And the stock market is plunging because they got the flu in China.

20-something thousand cases or 30-something thousand.

How many China, China,

how many people in China do they have to begin with?

What is it, 400 million?

And they got 25,000 cases of the flu and 800 people or whatever have been deceased over this thing.

But still, you're talking about the proverbial drop in the bucket.

And the stock market is crashing.

Money's tight and times are hard.

Here's your fucking Christmas card for the Chinese New Year.

I guess like, fuck you.

We'll throw the whole global fucking economic system into turmoil because we all got the flu.

Stay home and drink some fucking water.

Doctor prescribed, stay home and drink water.

Stay home and drink water.

Four out of five doctors agree that you motherfuckers in China should stay home and drink some water.

Preferably New York water.

Oh, God.

No, I don't want to wish that on anybody.

Holy shit, you can see.

Have you seen the feedback about that?

Even people who agree with you and your bizarre takes on pizza and meat have said, well, Jim, the one thing you are wrong about is New York has fantastic water.

And that is, in fact, a key ingredient in the reason why New York pizza is so good.

But also, we just have great drinking water up here.

Oh, for heaven.

I refuse to.

Where are you bringing it in from?

The fucking Swiss Alps?

The goddamn, you know, Vancouver Mountains?

Where are you bringing this?

Why?

Because every water, every drop of water that I see around the New York area is either sitting in what looks like a fucking cesspool, there's shit floating in the river, there's fucking a one-celled amoeba as big as a fucking small house cat.

floating in that fucking river from whatever's been thrown in there and the fucking waste and the nuclear matter and the goddamn body parts of various mobsters or the the the plumbing the infrastructure of New York has to be the oldest, filthiest plumbing and infrastructure in the history of old filthy plumbing.

So, how is that water so clean?

Nothing else in New York is clean.

There's soot and filth everywhere, and garbage on the streets, and homeless people with who knows what kind of fucking diseases are coming out of their fucking noses and ears, and who knows why?

The genitals are mostly covered up, but they could have shit coming out everywhere.

And I've seen rats, rats,

not even two-legged rats, but four-legged rats scurrying around the streets of New York City on my trips there.

I've seen cars.

Hold on.

You've really seen rats in the streets.

If I'm lying, I'm flying and my feet ain't left the ground.

One of them accosted me and Stacey one night walking back to our hotel from having dinner, and it had bloody fangs and it snarled at us.

But

it surprised us.

We wouldn't have got that close, but it came out from under.

Do you or do you not admit, Brian Last?

Can you not admit that if you walk down the streets of New York City at almost any point in time in the year, invariably you will see piles of garbage out on the sidewalk in front of businesses three or four feet wide, up to five, six feet high, and just rows of it just to 10, 20, 30 feet down the fucking sidewalk.

There are times you do see that, yes.

Numerous times.

Which is why I've always lived in the suburbs.

We ain't talking about the suburbs now.

We're talking about New York water.

And New York water doesn't come from fucking Scosdale.

It comes from the goddamn whatever the fuck they pump it from in the middle of New York City through all those disgusting pipes that feed all those pizza places that use that water to make the dough that sits under the sauce that holds up the cheese that you stuff in your face and you want me to consume as well.

And I'm saying that it would probably be better to drink pure cow piss from Montana than drink any water that has been through the New York City industrial system.

Have you ever drank water, tap water from Florida, from South Florida?

I don't drink tap water.

Okay, well, I've tried it.

The water that comes out of the Everglades.

It's disgusting.

I can agree with you there as well.

I can imagine that.

I don't know what they're doing in New York, but it is, and again, famously, fantastic water.

The rest of the country is jealous of the drinking water we have here.

So you're saying the Colorado Rockies are just lusting to get after some of that pure, clean-tasting New York water.

I know lots of people who live in Colorado.

Here's what I've never heard.

Oh my God, the water is so good.

You must try it.

Well, you can suck it right out of the ground.

How about down in Tennessee?

They got some places in the Smoky Mountains, those pure, babbling brooks and streams.

Oh, the water tastes so good because there ain't no big city around it with dirty people with filthy habits doing a bunch of business and throwing their waste and effluvia willy-nilly around town.

And I'll tell you something, I don't drink tap water really anywhere.

I don't drink a lot of bottled water.

Sprite, as we know, Sprite Zero is my

little bit of the boobly.

But I don't drink tap water because I don't trust anybody's fucking water pipes.

What's been in that water fucking pipe all the way from wherever that water is coming to where I'm fucking drinking it?

And as a matter of fact, I have a filter in my refrigerator on my ice so that the ice is filtered water before it's frozen.

And when I go out in a restaurant and I have to fucking drink somebody else's ice,

I goddamn, I keep an eye on the fucking

rate.

No, I keep an eye on the ratings.

When I walk in a door, if you're below 92, chances are I'm turning a fucking round.

Your food inspection on the on there, and I, and I look a little sideways at 92.

I want to, I want to see the notes.

Anything, 94 and up of, okay, clean ice.

We're all right.

I don't drink the tap water here.

We have a water cooler and a filtration system.

However, I could if I wanted to.

It's that good.

And I, you know what?

We even had a guy, when I bought this house, we had a guy come here and he

was a representative.

Yeah, it's your storytelling.

He was a representative from some water filtration company.

We said, hey, let's do this so we can.

No, no, you're not going to tell me that he said, no, Brian Lass, you don't need my filters.

Your water is perfect.

I can honestly tell you, it was a bizarre experience.

Oh, no, no.

He came into our kitchen.

He tested our water and he said, if I tried to sell you something, I would be ripping you off because of where you guys live and your tax bracket.

The water is really good.

They take care of you.

And then he tried to sell us.

his services as a bodyguard

who used to be a member of Mossad

in Israel.

And he started talking about all my neighbors in this town that he used to work for and how he can kill people.

It was one of the most bizarre experiences.

Now,

how he can kill people at, does he have a license for this?

Is he a double-knot spy?

Apparently, he has a team of other assassins that work with him or have in the past.

And they all.

First of all, what kind of vibe do you give off that you can have a fucking door-to-door salesman in the New York, New Jersey metropolitan area come to you and actually not try to sell you the product, but at the same time confide in you that he's a fucking hired killer and an assassin for fucking some whatever terrorist group you just mentioned

and offer his services to you?

What kind of vibe do you give off?

I have no idea, and I didn't want to break his heart and tell him I already have ex-Mossad guys working for me.

Oh, for heaven's sake,

who is it now?

Mossad.

who's massad you don't know

i don't know massad all right i know massage but not massad well what do you mean all right tell me who the massad is you don't know massad

god damn it how many english words do i have to come up with to explain to you i have no idea what you're babbling about from your

mossad is the israeli intelligence

well i guess that they are uh the security force for israeli intelligence ah so they they're in in charge of keeping track of the people

in Israel who are intelligent.

Intelligence and maybe some violence, yeah.

Oh, for heaven's sake.

You know, you're in New Jersey.

I would have believed if you'd have said, look, John Gotti III fucking came by and offered to, you know, whack my neighbor that Moser Lawn too much for $50.

That's Hollywood.

That's all Hollywood.

All right.

What do you and you and your lovely better half there?

Does she look like Cameron Diaz is a fucking sequel to Kill Bill?

Or is like, hey, if you need anybody fucking off in the neighborhood here, let me.

I can't filter your water, but I can fucking whack some people.

Cameron Diaz wasn't in Kill Bill.

He was in Uma Thurman.

Uma Thurman.

Oh, Uma Oprah.

What?

That killed David Letterman's career.

Remember we did that horrible joke at the, he hosted the Oscars like one time and he's, Uma, meet Oprah.

Oprah, Uma, Uma, Oprah.

And he just kept doing that because nobody really, yeah.

Healed that for poor old David Letterman.

He made out all right after that.

Anyway, goddammit, we started talking about water.

First of all, how's your health?

And second of all, we have established, we mentioned this on the drive-thru, but we've established that the pizza controversy, we can't call it pizzagate, that was taken.

So we've called it Doughgate.

Topping gate, maybe.

People are firmly in my corner on this.

they think you're full of they've tried to cancel you some people i believe there's a picket line forming that as soon as they get off of work and their brother can drive them over to your place they're going to be picketing out on the street saying you don't know what you're talking about and they're going to run right they're going to run right into the ex-massage right into the ex-massage like blow them down with the existing legion of last that's right

You had a few people defending you, but we stirred up a hot dog issue.

I'm not going to go into it too much.

That was on the drive-thru this past week.

But we have that just started airing as we're recording this earlier in the week than we normally do.

So we don't know how many people are on my side about the hot dog situation.

I'm assuming most everybody will be.

You know, the pizza situation has been fairly split.

A lot of people see the merits in both sides of the conversation.

9010 is a split.

I'm seeing different things on my Twitter feed.

I can't really see you.

I think you are.

However, you made a fool of yourself with this hot dog and mustard issue.

It's more than just a hot dog.

It was hot dog and mustard.

And I just, I don't think you're going to recover from this one.

Oh, for heaven's sake.

Me?

You think a little mustard's going to take me down, baby?

No, no, no.

Anyway, we'll see what the Twitter comments are like over the next few days because that hot dog debate is just getting started.

And you're feeling a little bit better.

So we're going to do some programming here.

A little bit.

People have been flocking to YouTube over the past week to have something to do.

And we've gotten as much new content as we can up in that time.

We're trying to add stuff as quickly as possible.

They are a little slow now.

I guess even the YouTube people, those young, healthy, techie people,

it's slowing their process down a bit.

We're getting all that stuff up.

If you haven't subscribed to official Jim Cornette, don't get left out.

We're almost at 100,000 and I understand we get a cake.

Is that correct?

Do we get a cake if we get 100,000 subscribers?

No, we get an award i want a cake well we could work on something with a cake yeah okay um

and also the patreon

well i i you know what kind of cake ice cream cake no a cake cake you don't like ice cream cake well i if i'm sitting right in front of it but they don't travel well if once you have them out of the freezer and then they start melting you put it back in the freezer then it's kind of melty but frozen and it blah blah have you ever had a

home have you ever had a Caraval ice cream cake?

Yes.

With the chocolate crunchies in the middle?

I don't like crunchies.

I don't like my ice cream to crunch.

No, the ice cream itself doesn't crunch.

There are crunchies.

No, anything on my ice cream.

I don't want crunchiness with ice cream.

Ice cream needs whipped cream.

Ice cream sometimes needs chocolate syrup or strawberry topping, hot fudge, marshmallows.

None of that crunchies, Brian.

And put the little marshmallows on top of your ice cream and then hit it with the fucking whipped cream.

And if it's vanilla ice cream, you hit it with the fucking Hershey syrup or the chocolate hot fudge.

What the fuck are you doing?

Do you like cookies and cream?

I like cookies.

I'm not a big cream fan.

You know, cookies and cream ice cream, which are basically Oreos in the ice cream.

You don't like that?

Oh, oh, oh, no, no.

The cookies, I thought, now there is a cookies and cream of white chocolate

candy bar that's that's very interesting.

uh but no i don't want crunchiness in my ice cream i'll eat a cookie and i'll take a bite of ice cream but i don't want the

this this is the one most ridiculous thing you're now no now wait a minute

there is there is one now there is one exception

the strawberry cheesecake ice cream that has some graham cracker crust bits in it I'll go for that because that's not really crunchy as much as it just has some, it has some weight to it and then it kind of powderizes in your mouth with all kinds of psychedelic flavor.

So you don't like ice cream cones?

Oh, whenever, from the time I was handed my first ice cream cone when I was a kid, I'll eat the ice cream all the way down flat, and then I'll take my tongue and I'll turn it around and eat the ice cream out of it, but I never eat the fucking cone.

Oh, my God.

This is the most important thing.

Because besides that, I've ever heard.

You got your fucking hand around the cone.

It's fucking the cone.

It says what?

It's the plate or it's the cup.

It's what's holding the goddamn.

the substance that you're eating.

You don't want to eat what you've had your fucking, especially when you're a kid running around in the goddamn woods and out in the park when you're a fucking child, sweaty and greasy and in the summertime.

Were you thinking about this?

Dog shit on your hands.

Were you thinking about this?

Dog shit?

Of course.

If you've got dog shit on your hands, you've been playing in the yard and suddenly you got your hand around the ice cream cone.

No, I never ate the ice cream cone.

That seems uncompleteness.

Hold on.

When you were coming out of the woods, when you were a kid, you when, let's say your mom said, hey, let's go get some ice cream, Jimmy.

Yeah.

You said, you know what?

I don't want to touch that thing.

I just need to be disinfected first.

No, I never said anything like that.

I just took the cone I was handed, ate the ice cream out of the cone, and threw the cone away.

This is the most crazy thing you've ever seen.

I was a particular child.

But no, I never ate the cone.

I didn't, as a matter of fact, I was, I don't know.

I remember it being a few years after I was eating ice cream cones as a child before somebody pointed out to me that the cone was indeed edible if you wanted to do such a thing.

It never occurred to me to eat the fucking thing that the food came in.

It's like eating a fucking styrofoam package.

And so at least for the first couple of years, however old I was, when I became cognizant as a child of eating ice cream cones, for

some time afterwards, I did not know the cone was supposed to be eaten.

Now, hold on.

What about sprinkling?

And then I just, I was never doing it.

What about sprinkles?

We didn't have sprinkles when I was a fucking kid.

Nobody ever offered me sprinkles.

Said, here's your fucking ice cream in a goddamn cone.

And they might wrap a napkin around the cone

if it was a fucking high-class joint that you were in.

Otherwise, it was ice cream stuffed in a fucking cone.

And I actually liked cups of ice cream better because you can get more ice cream in a fucking cup.

You get jacked off if you get to ice cream in a cone.

After two fucking scoops, nobody can keep ice cream on a goddamn cone.

So there you have it.

There you have it.

But what I was trying to say a minute ago was with this Patreon deal that we're doing,

and so many of you have signed up, and it's only five bucks a month.

We're putting not only the

experience and drive-through episodes in their entirety up on, and these are the old drive-thrus that nobody's heard back when it was an MLW VIP thing.

And my God, you could be on a federal witness protection program and do an MLW VIP podcast in those days, and you'd still have been fine.

So you haven't heard those, but also we're talking about new content and some stuff that I have, audio I have in the archives that might go up and a different variety of stuff.

And we're going to be trying today a new thing that we've done.

We haven't done it on this show.

We did it on your show, the 605, the super podcast, the mothership,

a number of times years ago, and everybody got a tickle over it, where we would look at famous stupid videos like this guy falling on his head and killing himself or this rotten match, this goof hat or whatever the case.

And we would make fun of them and people liked that.

Well, now we're actually going to apply this concept.

Because after tonight, folk, we're going to monitor the television programs as they exist, but I can't watch any more empty arena wrestling from the WWE.

I don't know whether all elite can do it twice in a row, but boy, they tickled me this past week.

We'll get to that.

But anyway, we're going to be watching not only classic matches that are available either on the network or on YouTube or whatever, but also more recent stuff like big events.

And we're going to be reviewing them.

And in some cases, we're going to do the thing where we sync up the video.

What do you care?

You're watching along with you.

We're going to sync up the video and

talk about the match where you can follow it along at home.

I'm even breaking down for this Patreon project to give you guys your money's worth.

I'm breaking down and not only getting the WWE network this weekend, but actually attempting to learn how to get on it and put it on my TV.

And Stace is going to be involved in this, and so are you, great Brian last.

But that way I'll be able to skip.

I've actually got all this stuff on tape, but I figured out it would probably be quicker for me to find it this way.

Plus, a way we get you to watch some of the things that a lot of the listeners always say they want to hear you watch, like the FCW documentary that just came up with the title.

Yes, I don't have that on tape.

I've got the classic stuff on tape, but I don't have that stuff.

So now it'll all be there, and we will watch all this stuff and be shocked and amazed together.

But it's so we're going to try this today.

I'll give you a tease with the first ever five-star match.

It's going to be our main event today on the program.

And we have not done this, you and I, on this program.

And we haven't done it in a couple of years on your program.

So So

we're going to make sure that we can do this.

And then that will start in April with a lot of this other content, some other things that we're going to be doing.

And they can just go to Patreon and type me in, right?

Patreon.com/slash cornet.

And I'll have you know, thanks to you and the cult of Cornette members, I'm going to gain 20 pounds.

Really?

Because, well, the only way that I was able to watch both AEW and NXT in the same day, back to back to do this review for the week two of this showdown was to promise myself greasy burgers and tater tots straight out of the deep fryer tonight.

And if I have to do this very much longer, I'm going to be fucking fat again.

And I've maintained my girlish figure over the course of the pandemic when I've been closed up in the house.

But not this way.

I'm not going to.

You prefer tater tots to traditional French fries or steak fries or waffle fries or any other version?

No, during a pandemic when the only

flash fried, frozen fried tater goods that you have is tater tots, that's what you're going to have.

Actually, I like the extra crispy golden crinkles in the deep fryer.

But tater tots, and they also have, but I save these for breakfast time.

They have...

tater tot, not tater tot, but

basically the fried potato patties like you would get at Arby's, except without the Arby's oil that has the secret ingredient that causes you to just shit anally all over yourself just at any given point.

No, everybody knows that.

I don't know that.

I don't know that.

No, okay.

Okay, now everybody weigh in on Twitter.

Because by the way, on Twitter, I'm still getting the fucking Russian bots and the right-wing crackpots knocking me on Twitter for knocking Wendy's two months ago.

And then I gotten that story on the internet and the the bots got on to me and they're like, well, I'll just go to Wendy's and eat twice as much now because of you, you libtard.

They're still out there.

I don't think they're like, there's 17 real people, real human beings that actually exist left on Twitter.

I've never been to an Arby's.

You have never been to Arby's.

No, the slogan, we have the meats or whatever it is, that turns me off.

Well, no, we have the shits.

I'm telling you, everybody on Twitter that can vouch for me needs to get on Twitter and verify this and confirm this: that if you go to Arby's and eat anything, if you go to Arby's and drink a fountain drink, if you go to Arby's and wipe your mouth with one of the napkins, you'll get to raging shits.

It's good going down, but it's hell coming back out.

And I don't know if it's in the, because it's not just one product.

Anytime you go to Arby's and eat anything,

you will get the shits and you will have anal seepage, projectile diarrhea,

sharts everywhere.

You won't be able to emit one dry fart.

It will be a shart, even if you don't eat the Arby sauce.

So why go back there?

I mean, it sounds like you've been there multiple times.

Well, over the course of 50 years, sometimes you got to do what you got to do,

but I don't go there often.

Anyway,

but I'm going to gain weight watching these programs.

No, they get mad when we agree with each other because intelligent people are not supposed to agree with each other.

We don't agree with each other on women's wrestling.

So any of you think we only agree with each other?

Go listen to those segments.

And pizza.

Right.

And

cheese, by the way, now that we're thinking about it.

I guess you could say that, too.

I had incredible cheeseburgers after my last

AEW, NXT watching event

with triple cheese, just so you know.

NXT has driven me now, or not AEW has driven me to triple cheese, not the triple burger, but triple cheese on the burger.

You know, I was going to ask you that I've gone this far.

Because I don't eat cheeseburgers because they're horrible.

When you say,

oh, no, now don't.

I will come.

I'll find you.

I'm right here.

Well,

I don't exactly know how to get your here is.

So I'll have to find you, but I will.

Listen, when you say that you're going to eat a triple cheeseburger, that's what it is.

It's three slices of cheese.

Well, no, here's the thing.

You've got to have at least one slice of cheese per patty.

And because then elsewhere you've thrown the fucking combination off.

But I have been lately just going with three slices of cheese on top of the one fucking patty.

Just to just melt it and be gooey and where I can just smear it on me and go, why did I watch that?

Why did I watch that?

Is that what you do?

You smear it on yourself?

Yeah,

all over me.

Oh, yes.

It puts the lotion on the skin and then it gets the burger again.

Do you put pickles on your burgers?

Well, of course you do.

Okay.

I do.

I don't know what you do.

Well, I don't know why you bother even with a goddamn just an old slab of just bare meat.

Well, if it's good meat and it's been cooked well and it's a nice juicy burger, and then you put some pickles on there, some ketchup.

Some coleslaw if you have some, that's perfection.

No, ketchup, wait a minute.

You'll put ketchup on on a burger, but not cheese.

The ketchup is then dominates the taste.

It's all you can taste.

Ketchup, the last thing you want on a burger is ketchup.

Then it's just an old goddamn, like fucking Vince McMahon or Donald Trump eating well-done steaks with ketchup.

For fuck's sake.

First of all, ketchup is our greatest condiment.

Second of all, you're telling me you don't put ketchup on your hamburgers or your cheeseburgers?

No.

That's ridiculous.

No.

That's ridiculous.

No, that's almost as bad as mustard.

Mustard has a stronger taste, so when they fuck up at the drive-thru and put the mustard on, you have to throw the whole burger away.

Sometimes you can wipe the ketchup off, but no, that's a horrible taste to put on your burger.

The condiment for burgers is mayonnaise.

You've got your mayonnaise, you've got your onions, you've got your dill pickles, the stacker dill pickles that go flat, right?

Not the goddamn bread and butter that tastes like crotch.

Then you can add as much cheese as you want, whether it be American or cheddar.

You can mix things up.

And also, you can put on the bacon.

And also, a great topping is a fried egg because then you've got your breakfast burger.

And I've discovered that they have these

hash brown patties like you get at Arby's, the place that makes you shit in the grocery store.

You pop one of those in a deep fryer and you put that right on top of the bun.

And then you've got hash browns, bacon,

cheddar or American cheese, a fried egg, and fucking onions and pickles.

You're farting through silk right there.

That is the ultimate burger experience.

That's ridiculous.

A couple of questions for you.

A, how long does it take you?

Oh, you've been taking notes, eh?

Is this a cross-examination?

This certainly is.

I'm follow-up.

On behalf of myself in the Washington Post.

How long does it take you to prepare this burger?

And what do you do in a barbecue?

I mean, I guess you don't really attend too many barbecues, but when you're barbecuing, do you have all these things, the hash brown and the egg?

And

it's just sitting there.

Oh, you don't have to goddamn just do everything if you're going to have a barbecue.

Then you just, what you do

is you prepare your tray of toppings ahead of time because

at a barbecue outdoors, quick assembly is essential.

Because you don't want things to go cold.

So once you've got your patty with the cheese melted on the grill, you've already taken your bun and you've placed on there your

mayonnaise and your onions and your pickles and also lettuce and tomato if it's a fine quality tomato.

They are permissible as well.

Leaf lettuce, not that shredded shit.

I always get no lettuce at a fast food place that gives you that fucking shredded shit.

It gets everywhere.

But

If you're doing it in the kitchen and you're going to create something and you're going to go to any lengths to do it, it just takes, it's about an hour and a half procedure because you know me, I have to lay out all my pre-preparation.

There's paper towels all over the counters.

There's wax paper everywhere.

I'm laying out everything I'm going to need, all the utensils, all the menu items, all the ingredients, the pots and pans or the various things.

I've figured it in my mind because I've done it so much.

They go in a specific place in the kitchen.

Everything is turned on, heated up, deep fryer, frying pan, whatever the case.

When I'm frying burgers and making bacon and doing something in the deep fryer, I put the bacon in the oven, bake it for 20 minutes, and it's the thick cut stuff, and then hit it with the goddamn broiler to get it good, sizzling, and crispy before I lay it out on the fucking paper towels to pat it so that the grease is minimized.

And then the assembly process, I have stickers that go down through the top of the burger because once I put the fucking bun on, you got to fucking stick it through there.

It'll fall all over everything.

What kind of bun do you use?

I like those potato rolls and potato buns.

No, the potato buns are thick.

They're a little thick and chewy.

Yeah.

You go for the jumbo.

Regular old white jumbo hamburger buns because they're bigger than your average bun and you've got plenty of room to make your giant patties and get all your toppings under there.

But sometimes if you find the right one, one of those

goddamn Kaiser rolls, if they're not too done and not hard, is oh boy, those are good.

Ideally, you didn't use ketchup, that you don't use ketchup for your burgers.

Day, you're going back to the ketchup after we've gone through all of that and of all the things that you could

remark on.

It's a staple.

Well, I don't like staples in wrestling or on burgers.

what about french fries you put ketchup on french fries yes that's where you eat ketchup now of course you can dip you can dip french fries in barbecue sauce you can dip french fries in tartar sauce you can dip french fries in ooh as a matter of fact when you dip french fries in the comeback sauce from martin's barbecue here oh that's good hey some people dip their french fries in A vanilla milkshake or a frosty from Wendy's.

You ever do that?

Well, no, those people ought to be taken out in the town square and fucking flogged in front of everybody, put on the six o'clock news.

I agree with you on that.

Because then

you're not only making your

fries soggy, but you're salting your milkshake.

I never thought of it that way.

I guess so, yeah.

Well, there you go.

That's stupid.

What about hot dogs?

What do you put on a hot dog?

What business is it of yours?

Tell me about your hot dog, Jim.

Well, I'll tell you how I take my hot dogs, Brian Lass.

But one thing is I don't don't really eat normal hot dogs unless they're those big, fat, plump ones from Omaha steaks.

We've talked about those, but normal hot dogs are just too small and too skinny.

Don't fill me up.

I like the big sausage dogs, the smoked sausage dogs, the Andouille sausage, the better cheddars, the things and such of that nature.

It's got some oomph to it, some spiciness.

But what do you put on it?

Hold on.

You put those in the oven or on the grill, but if I'm doing it inside, you put them in the oven and you bake them at about 400 degrees until their skin's splitting and it's nice and crispy.

You bake them and they get hot and they're splitting and they're just good.

And then you put the buns in next to them for about six minutes to get crispy.

And then

either you go with diced onions and a nice barbecue sauce and some grated cheddar cheese to melt on top of it under the broiler, or

you go with queso,

like like a queso, like you would get from

the on-the-border type of queso stuff, and dip them with the onions and the crispy buns in a cup of the cheesy queso and have a cheese dog.

That's the way you eat hot dogs with cheese or barbecue sauce and diced onions and some bacon in there sometimes.

And sometimes you get those bigger hot dog buns and go all the way up for the giant full-size kiobasa smoked sausages and just eat that shit like you're the mighty Igor.

What about mustard and relish and sauerkraut?

Oh, for heaven's sake.

The only thing you eat sauerkraut on is a Reuben, and everybody knows that.

Otherwise, sauerkraut's just no good.

And you do not put mustard on anything.

Because mustard, as we've spoken about here on the show before, is a tool of the devil.

I don't know why I have to smarten you Yankees up all the time about how to eat properly.

Are you okay with honey mustard?

Honey mustard is good because it takes that yellow mustard edge off of it.

Sometimes honey mustard is good.

It depends on the honey mustard.

When we talk about sauerkraut, does it make you think of Fritz von Erich?

He was a sauerkraut.

He was a bit dour-faced, wasn't he?

All right, is this

what's going on with this program?

Oh, I'll mention something else while we're on the subject of absolutely fuck all of nothing.

Okay.

If you're a customer of Cornett's Collectibles at JimCornet.com, we've been announcing this.

The store will be closing, as you hear this, tomorrow, Tuesday, September 15th, for the next two weeks.

We reopen on October 1st after we have refreshed ourselves for my birthday and restocked all our merchandise for the holidays.

But

if you have purchased something from Cornettes Collectibles in the last three weeks or so, when we had the post office bottleneck, that has been rectified.

Everything is going out or has gone out.

You've either got it or the last stuff will be shipped this week.

From the last week or so, everything's going according to plan.

And we thank you for your support.

And just don't panic.

If you see the stores closed, you ain't got your stuff yet.

That's one of the reasons.

So we can catch up and send all this out this week and be able to refill everything.

Now, I've given you even more time, Brian Last, to be able to figure out how to, as a matter of fact, I bet the people right now, the people out there are let, they are bet, they are betting to themselves.

They are saying, I bet they do not talk about wrestling or goddamn ask a single question a day.

As a matter of fact, right now, the people at my bookie are taking bets on whether or not that Brian Last ever gets to ask a question here on this program.

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All right.

Well, that sucked.

Let's get some questions.

Well, fuck you.

Hey, what was that?

You sang it a different way last week, a different ending, and all of a sudden.

Well, thank you.

Thank you very much.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Tell me about your hot dog.

All right.

Hey, I'll tell you about my salami.

Let's get some questions here on the show.

This first one.

First time I heard that joke was when I hurt my knee, not my left knee or my right knee, my wee knee.

Folks, he's a limousine riding, jet flying, podcast making, French toast, bacon, son of a gun.

He was bred in old Kentucky, but he's just a crumb up here.

The great Brian Last.

Aloha, Jim.

A pleasure to be here once again.

Bred in Kentucky.

Where did that come from?

He was.

You've never seen that Three Stooges Short.

They're the waiters at

the Swank Society before the food fight starts.

He was bred, and that's one of the toasts.

He was bred in old Kentucky, but he's just a crumb up here.

Which version of the three stooges do you like best?

Oh, come on.

There are people who love Shemp.

Shemp was a talent, and Shemp the only one.

The hair.

The hair flying around.

The hair.

The hair flying.

He was the only one that forged his own path as a single actor.

You see him in

countless parts in motion pictures.

He was the only one that forged his own path, but yet Curly is the classic third Stoge.

And don't even get me started about Joe Besser or Joe Dorita.

Hey, Curly Joe,

do not even put him in the same category as Joe Besser.

No.

Joe Besser, those are unwatchable, those shorts.

Because they look like a slapstick.

Curly Joe was the

Three Stooges comedy film equivalent of Fake Razor and Diesel.

It was, it was just, it was offensive.

I find him less offensive than Joe Besser.

Well, you know, actually, because Joe Besser wasn't even, at least Curly Joe Dorita tried to be part of the group, I guess.

He did try to blend in, but Joe Besser was just doing his own fucking the baby crying when he was 60.

It just didn't work.

It was pathetic.

It was, it was, dare I say, Jerichovid-like.

Did you ever see

the documentary?

I think it was called Hey Mo, Hey Dad,

and it's by Mo Howard's son.

And it's like all the home movies of the Stooges and the entire Stoog story from beginning to end.

I never saw it.

I never heard about it.

I never even glimpsed an advertisement for it.

What Mo can I say?

It was on TV.

It was on

maybe Antenna TV a few years back.

and I DVR'd it and I had it and then someone in this house erased it and I'm still pissed about it it was phenomenal though it was someone that shall not be named on this

I have I have people I think did it but I can't prove anything oh so you haven't narrowed it down yet and you've you're casting a side eye to everybody man woman and child I don't know all of a sudden there was a bunch of Disney crap on the DVR.

Uh-oh.

So it could have been the kids.

I really don't know.

But this documentary was phenomenal.

It even had like some of the local television appearances, like on the little kid shows of the Stooges with Curly Joe.

It was really cool.

Really, really good stuff.

Hey, Mo.

Hey, Dad.

It's good shit, pal.

I had some good shit this week.

I had, I had, did you know that if you eat an abundance

of cake icing featuring blue food coloring that your shit will turn bright forest green?

You know, funny enough,

this past week we got bagels for the kids and the local bagel play started doing these rainbow bagels where they dye the dough

and we gave the baby one of the rainbow bagels.

The shit was

and the baby gave you back some rainbow diapers.

Yeah, psychedelic shit.

I've never seen anything like it before, but please go on.

Well, I will continue.

Thank you as we're talking about

different creative, festive ways, actually, ladies and gentlemen, that you can introduce food coloring to your diet and decorate your entire bathroom.

No, I had the cake.

The birthday dinner was the big ribeye steaks and the fried scallops with the remalade and the baked taters and the big cake.

I not only got a big cake, but also got a big nanner pudding,

one of the Patty LaBelle nanner puddings.

I don't know that she baked it physically with her own hands.

I don't even know that it comes from her or a family member's recipe.

But if she stamped her name on the top of that nanner pudding, it's good stuff.

And I had some of that too.

I enjoyed my birthday.

I want to thank everybody for the

Patty LaBelle.

She's got a brand of nanner pudding.

Is that marmalade in there?

No,

that was in her previous.

she was once a French hooker, I guess, but then she became,

you know,

and I mean, at least she's a real person.

Not like, you know, what I used to get mad at on the advertising, to be honest, is the Popeyes commercials where the nondescript black lady that was never given a specific name even was standing up there saying, I make my Popeyes chicken.

No, you fucking don't.

You're not Popeye.

You don't look anything like Popeye.

And as a matter of fact, nobody's ever said that you had anything to do with this Popeyes Chicken recipe.

What you are is you are an actress cast to play a part because people think that black women that don't even sound like they're from Louisiana know how to cook chicken.

So that was racist right there.

But Patty LaBelle is a real person.

who grew up in a South and would probably know about Naner Puddin.

I'm so bad I ate Popeye.

I just said, yeah, yeah, and there you go.

And sooner or later, Mad Dog Boyd will come back and have his own brand of chicken and nanner pudding.

Because he ate Popeye, so he was really bad.

What the hell's Nanner pudding?

You mean to tell me that when you were a little boy, your mother never made you any nanner pudding?

I mean, I had pudding.

Your grandmother?

My aunt Lola loved to make nanner pudding.

My mother made a great nanner pudding.

I can't tell.

Are you saying that it's made by a nana or that the actual name of the pudding is naner pudding?

Banana pudding, you idiot.

Naner pudding.

What are you talking about?

Naner pudding.

That's what's what your aunt or your grandmother would make you is some nanner pudding.

I'll make you some nanner pudding if you're a good boy.

You mean baby food?

No,

I mean this vanilla pudding and chocolate pudding.

I've never had banana pudding.

You have never what?

Oh, now never stop the presses.

This is going out on YouTube.

You mean to tell me that you have never stuck a big old spoon and a big old bowl full of homemade nanner pudding and shoved it in your gullet and swallowed it down your fucking pie hole and reveled in the goodness of same?

I'm going to actually tell you something that's, I now find it humorous.

Suzanne loves it.

She gets such a kick out of it.

She can't believe it's true.

I went like 30 something years without eating bananas

because when I was a kid, at some point I saw, I think it was Friday, the 13th, part four.

Oh, good lord.

And the campers are driving to Camp Crystal Lake, and there's this person on the side of the road eating a banana.

And Jason comes up behind her and like stabs her in the neck.

And the banana just gets all squished in her mouth and she dies.

And I said, you know what?

That looks so disgusting.

I don't think I ever want to eat these things ever again.

Now, wait a minute, wait, now, wait a minute.

Now, wait, I can understand if you ate something as a child and it made you

horribly ill.

I had Nestle's Quick projectile vomiting for me when I was six, and that's been it for chocolate milk, right?

But

because you saw it in a movie that a fictional character,

oh, for heaven,

banana pudding doesn't even have whole bananas in it, you idiot.

You, you nimble.

You know that?

You idiot.

What if the switches?

It's banana.

Yes, you eat it.

Oh, Howard?

Well, let me tell you something.

Sweetenly.

I'll tell you right now,

it's banana-flavored pudding, but it's got the vanilla wafers in it.

And it's got

some people make it with meringue on top.

Some people make it at the,

it's, it's a, it's, in some cultures, I understand, called icebox.

pudding or something but you have the the bananas chopped up in it but also the pudding and the goodness and the vanilla wafers and the and the whipped cream or the meringue or whatever on top and you take it with a spoon.

And also you take some cinnamon and you sprinkle that all over the top of it.

And that just fucking just tickles your taint right there.

And if you're going to eat a pudding of any description, banana pudding would be the first one that I would think that anyone would eat.

Chocolate pudding.

Now that looks like something you'd get out of a fucking baby's diaper.

Dirty nappy pudding, they ought to call it over in the UK.

So a couple of years ago on Facebook, one of my friends who works for the UN,

he just randomly tweeted, or not tweeted, it's on Facebook.

He randomly posted, bananas are the healthiest thing you could eat.

Bananas contain enough potassium to bring someone back from near death.

And it was all these health things about bananas.

And I said, you know what?

That sounds all right.

I'm going to go get some bananas.

Oh, God.

And I've been eating them ever since.

But you've still never eaten any banana pudding.

No, dude, does anyone else call it nan or pudding or is it just you?

Everybody south of the Mason-Dixon line would call it nanner pudding.

But

again,

so now you're just eating just plain old, bland old bananas

for health reasons.

Yes.

Instead of eating all the

sugary goodness and the creamy goodness and the just goodness

of nanner pudding.

So your problem is the nutrition?

Yes.

Just like that time I was talking to you.

You said, I'm just eating some, what was it, homemade granola?

Well, it wasn't homemade.

It happened to be granola, of course.

It was home.

You said it was homemade granola

in the oven.

It may have been.

Suzanne was making granola for a while.

I wish she would start doing that again.

So you were just taking just old

things that cows graze on that you've put on a cookie sheet and baked in the oven and you're just taking handfuls of them and just stuffing them in your face, but you won't eat banana pudding

let's not forget

let's not forget for one second mr jim cornet

you're the guy who won't eat an ice cream cone because your hand is touching the cone and your hand is dirty yet you have no problem eating a cheeseburger with a bun that you're touching well no no see you've you've you've you've misrepresented this whole thing How so?

Because if you're eating a cheeseburger, that means you've sat down to fucking eat something.

And that means you should wash your hands.

Boom.

But when you're fucking a kid and you're, not fucking a kid, but when you're a fucking kid,

I mean, that's separate activities, I guess.

So in this case, when you're a fucking kid and you're getting an ice cream cone in the summertime, you've been running around swinging off trees and shit.

And then you're grabbing this cone with your hand.

You got your dirty hand all over it.

Also, I never, the cone to me was bland and tasteless.

It tastes like chewing on roofing tile.

It was the receptacle

in which the ice cream was delivered to your face, not something, not a part of the food experience,

for heaven's sake.

So don't misrepresent my ice cream cone situation.

I represented it exactly how it was.

Oh,

you know, I was trying to tell people

that I really appreciated all the birthday wishes.

I was actually also going to take some heat off of you and explain this show is even a day later than we had scheduled it to be

because I was enjoying my partial off time.

I can't take a whole day off.

I got to be busy.

But I took most of my birthday off, still did some chores around the house.

The day after my birthday, I did not watch any bad wrestling, but I did complete pretty much everybody's orders to Cornett's Collectibles.

We'll talk about that later.

Got some yard work done.

The weather was beautiful.

Got some fence row weed whacked and trees, branches trimmed and stuff hauled.

And I got away from recording a little while because I know people on Twitter have been complaining, but how can they miss me if I won't go away?

And I enjoyed it so much that I increased it to Saturday also from Thursday and Friday.

I had a three-day party and I went back out in the yard because the weather was beautiful here.

So it was my fault we're late,

but I was wringing my brain out because as the big cat many times has said, your brain is like a sponge.

And when it absorbs all the knowledge that it can, you must stop and wring it out.

Yes,

Suzanne was wondering what was going on with our schedule.

And I told her, I said, you know that feeling you get when you come back from vacation and you don't want to go back to work?

I said, Jim does not want to come back from vacation right now.

I didn't want to even want to vacation.

I was just not talking, watching or talking about wrestling for three days.

And I was out in the yard with all of my friends, the chipmunks and the squirrels and the possums and the raccoons and the deer.

I fed the deer on Friday night and four of them came and had a nice little buffet and romped around in the backyard at

dusk.

So that was nice.

But anyway, I also

want to thank everyone for the birthday wishes.

I got a ton of cards.

I got some presents.

I got all kinds of tweets on Twitter.

And I would mention

somebody, several of them, because it were so cool, except that if I mention anybody or even any of the items, I will invariably piss off everybody that I don't mention.

And then I'd have to be sitting here reading a list like we were doing the fucking Jerry Lewis telethon.

So I will thank everybody that sent stuff.

You know who you are, and I appreciate it.

And there were several cool things.

But I will say the cult of Cornette Facebook group as a whole sent me a big box of Sprite Zero in cans.

So that was.

Cheers to you guys.

We have an update.

I just wanted to bring everybody up to date on the tree story.

Because we told the tree story last week on the program that Corky, my tree guy, and his ACE assistant, Lumberjack Scott, were out here and they surveyed a dead tree.

and determined how they, because it was in between two good trees, we didn't want to break.

It was very near power lines.

If it fell the way that gravity looked like it would take it, they were going to figure out how to get it out of here.

And eight hours after they were out here and figured out this

elaborate plan,

in the middle of no bad weather, no high wind, no rainstorm, whatever, just the dead of night.

The problem part of this 80 or 90-foot maple tree just broke right out and just dropped straight and more or less stacked itself up and basically touched nothing of any consequence against all logic.

Corky comes out this past week and looks at it and says, well,

looks like a sun will shine even on a sleeping dog's ass once in a while.

They say that up in New Jersey, don't they?

O'Brien?

I haven't heard that expression before.

You're speechless.

You have not heard that expression.

That means anybody gets lucky every once in a while.

Because a sleeping dog, he's just laying there.

He don't have to move.

The sun will move and shine on his ass every once in a while.

He don't have to do anything.

He's lucky.

Nevertheless,

so

they're going to come out and take care of, they're going to chop all that up.

They're going to cut the rest of it down.

So they do this the other day.

And

Stacey and I were looking out the window watching them.

And first, he actually,

instead of climbing the thing and cutting off the other big branch of it because this tree at the base of you a large adult man can't reach around it the base of it was about four or four and a half feet across not around but across when they cut it all down so it was a big tree and in that the branch was about 20 feet up and the big part still remaining but not the part that's going to fall on the fence or on the wires

So but he was going to cut that off before, but he says, hold on.

And he threw a rope up there and tied it around and tied it around the bumper of his pickup truck and just pulled it right off.

Just crack and it just dropped.

Boom.

And they had the wood chipper and they had the

chainsaws.

And they were going to town on this thing.

So

Stacey said, you know, we ought to get some Zegs

and watch this.

I said, okay, because Zegs is a fine breakfast place here near me in town.

Well, they've got a couple of locations.

At least they used to.

I don't know about now.

Wonderful breakfast place, Zegs, Z-E-G-G-Z.

I'm not even getting paid for that.

But we order the, you know, the grub hub type of thing and get

the

breakfast brought to us.

It was actually, it was noontime, so it was more, it was like brunch with Corky while we're watching them cut this big old tree up.

And I got,

They have, Brian, my favorite breakfast item, dish, whatever of all time.

You're the big breakfast guy, so I'm going to give you this onslaught of breakfast goodness.

They have.

It's a fried chicken biscuit, but it's so much more than that.

They take a homemade biscuit and they crack it in half.

And they lay a big old fried chicken bread, boneless, skinless chicken breast on top of that.

And then they pour the sausage gravy, the old country cream sausage gravy over the top of that.

Then they fry you two eggs over easy.

And they put the eggs on top of that.

And then you get a side of bacon and a side of the hash brown casserole they've got that's so good.

And that'll be the best breakfast you've ever put in your mouth.

That's what I had while I watched Corky and Lumberjack Scott.

His sidekick finish my tree the other day.

I've never had a biscuit with breakfast.

What?

Wait, in your entire life?

In my entire life.

Biscuits seem like a dinner kind of thing for like if you're having Thanksgiving dinner or something.

Oh, for God's sake.

I know Chick-fil-A has some kind of chicken biscuit on the menu for breakfast, but I've never gotten there that early to get it and try it.

I want to, though.

Haven't you ever had the biscuits and gravy from Dairy Queen?

I would never have gravy for breakfast.

How could you have gravy for breakfast?

Gravy for breakfast?

That's what breakfast is.

No!

My aunt Lola used to get up every morning at 5 o'clock in the morning because my Uncle Tommy worked at a factory over in Cincinnati.

And he had to leave by 6 to be there and check in at 7 and everything.

And every morning for the 30-something years, whatever they were married until she died, she got up and made biscuits from scratch

and made sausage.

and made eggs and made gravy because you had to have the gravy to go with the biscuits.

And so after after she made the sausage, she'd take all the grease and everything and she'd make the gravy.

Oh, she made the best sausage gravy in the whole world.

And some bacon thrown in there.

And every once in a while, some potato cakes.

Have you ever had a potato cake?

I don't know what a potato cake is.

Potato pancakes, latkas.

I've had plenty of those.

Well, but no, it's when you do the leftover mashed potatoes from dinner last night.

You take the leftover mashed potatoes, take a spoon, and glob them out on the dagum frying pan and mash it down and make you all make you a potato cake.

No, I've never had that.

Well, that way you're repurposing your potatoes.

Have you ever had a potato pancake, a latka?

I don't.

You dip it in applesauce?

Oh, for heaven's sake.

Well, now you're just making things up.

I'm not making things up.

That's a Jewish food.

I don't even know if it's a Jewish food, but we've adopted it and we love it.

Well, regardless, the point is,

for one thing, you've said so many things wrong here.

I'm trying to go back so we don't drop anything.

No gravy for breakfast.

Of course, gravy is a breakfast staple in the South to go on the biscuits.

And actually, here's the thing.

You get the best of all worlds when you take, you break your biscuit open, except for this chicken biscuit, we're going to get back to it in a minute.

You break your biscuit open.

You put your sausage patty on the biscuit.

Then

you take and you put the top back on with some butter also, boom.

and you take that biscuit and you pour the gravy next to your eggs which are yellow runny so you take and you sop your sausage biscuit into your eggs and get all the yellow runny that's how my mom actually

she used to overeat is yellow runny but until i was 11 i did i maybe 12 years old i didn't know what that meant because i was i didn't know what overeat meant because my mom called him yellow runny you want your eggs yellow runny jimmy yes i do anyway you take the sausage biscuit, you dip it around in the yellow runny egg, and you take a big bite, and then you dip it in the daggum gravy, and you take another big bite, and you've got all your goodness in there.

You have been so deprived.

But anyway, back to my chicken biscuits.

I'm not a big fan of eggs either.

Other than when they're in the French toast.

Oh, for heaven's sake.

But I don't eat just plain eggs.

I don't eat eggs.

Stacy had the French toast.

Oh, she's smart.

Someone in that house is smart.

This is so wonderful to hear that someone in that house knows proper breakfast.

It's bread.

It's just bread with syrup.

No, it's not just bread with syrup.

It's bread soaked in egg and then cooked or baked or whatever the fuck it is on the stovetop.

And then you can have syrup.

You can have powdered sugar.

You can have all sorts of things you want.

There's no meat.

No.

You don't need meat with every meal.

God damn.

Or you could have a side order of sausage or bacon.

Well, then you'd need your dagum, you'd need your gravy and you'd need your yellow ruddy eggs because your sausage and bacon has to have some juice to it.

So disgusting.

And biscuits.

No.

Biscuit.

When you go down to visit Stephen P.

New and you go to West Virginia, stop into any location of Tudor's Biscuit World.

And you will have biscuits for every occasion.

And they're all named for somebody.

So you can have Tom's biscuit or Joe's biscuit or Bill's biscuit or whatever.

They've got breakfast biscuits, lunch biscuits, dinner biscuits, biscuits with ham, biscuits with turkey, biscuits with gravy, biscuits with sausage, biscuits with bacon, biscuits with eggs, biscuits with a variety of chicken, biscuits with a variety of everything.

Because a biscuit is a year-round food.

Or for lunch or dinner.

I don't know.

I mean, again, I've never had it for breakfast.

I can't even imagine incorporating it in my breakfast incorporating in my breakfast scheme

but hopefully one day i'll be by chick-fil-a early enough and the line won't be through the roof everybody they have biscuits everywhere biscuits at mcdonald's for christ i don't recommend the mcdonald's breakfast it'll give anybody gas but still they it's not like a biscuit is a hard hard thing to obtain at breakfast time normal people eat biscuits for breakfast Is that a southern thing?

I thought it was a human thing.

I can understand maybe not having grits.

I can understand maybe not having the gravy, but the biscuits.

No wonder you people are always so cranky up there.

See, you'd wake up happy like me, I do every morning if you had your biscuits to look forward to.

I'm pretty happy in the morning.

I would venture to guess I'm happier than you most mornings.

And I think it's the lack of gravy that makes me so happy in the morning.

Gravy?

And with big old Chuck, go to Bojangles and get you some good sausage gravy.

They've got great gravy.

I've never even seen a Bojangles.

Oh, for God's.

Oh, boy.

Here we go now.

It's a chain?

It's it.

Yes, it's a chain.

Bojangles.

Bojangles is pretty much the best chicken place in the country since Colonel Sanders has just rolled over and played dead on this thing.

And Popeyes is,

they need to vary up their items a bit, but nothing can match the Bojangles chicken experience.

Not as far as

widespread chains go.

You've got your...

your

you know your your local chicken places sometimes that that Hattie B's in Nashville for instance that are just the greatest chicken in the world, but on a chain basis, Bojangles.

I used to go by Bojangles on South Boulevard in Charlotte on the way to the airport, and I'd have a big box of biscuits and a big tub of gravy that I could take on Crockett's plane and

dip them and eat them.

And then also...

Did anyone react to that?

Anyone on Crockett's plane, these wrestlers in great shape.

Training, going to the gym, Ric Flair on a Stairmaster all day and all night.

Did anyone say, what are you eating?

How could you eat that?

Back then, half the guys, honestly, were whatever food is cheapest.

This is what we're going to eat because they were still in the wrestling business.

And half the guys that were successful, like the Flares and the Road Warriors and all that stuff, would look at me like I was shoveling steaming turds into my mouth.

But actually, it paid off because

when they would bring lunch in for us at Crockett's office every Wednesday when we did the promos.

That's why I've mentioned the story of the Mid-Atlantic films that I salvaged.

They had chicken bones in the boxes because they were sitting on those shelves behind us.

And every week for lunch, they'd send Klondike Bill down to Price's Chicken Coop.

It's Price's Chicken.

For all Charlotte residents, Price's Chicken Coop is one of the most famous and storied chicken places in all of Charlotte.

And he would come in with literally,

not chicken boxes like you get at,

you know, at Popeyes or Bojangles or whatever, but giant cardboard storage boxes full of that they just lined with fucking aluminum foil.

And they'd bring in 50, 60, 70 giant pieces of chicken from Price's chicken coop and set it down.

And that's what lunch would be for the boys.

Well, a lot of the guys that were trying to, like the stings and lugers of the world, would peel the skin off.

and sit there and eat the actual chicken meat itself on the breast, the white chicken meat, right?

So I'd say, hey, you ain't going to eat that skin?

Because the skin was the best part of Price's Chicken Coop.

And I would sit there and I'd get like not only all the chicken that I wanted to eat, but also all the extra skin from all the bodybuilders that didn't want to eat the fucking fried chicken skin.

Price's chicken coop.

Anyway, where were we going with that?

You don't know breakfast.

I certainly do.

That's where we were going with that.

No, you do not.

You do not.

Do we eat bagels?

Do we eat bagels?

No, bagels are.

Why don't I just go buy some some stale chewy bread?

Obviously, you don't have good bagels in Louisville.

That's what you're saying there.

A fresh bagel, warm.

You get some white fish, so maybe some lox.

Oh, Stacy does that.

Stacy is, it loves bagels and eats bagels all the time.

She had the San Francisco thing apparently is a bagel thing, too, with the

lot.

Lox is salmon, right?

Correct.

Well, there you go.

So that's what she's eating.

And it's chewy

and ble

biscuits, buttery-tasting, flaky biscuits.

Like mama, like Aunt Lola used to make.

Have you ever eaten egg whites?

Well, of course.

How can you eat an egg and avoid eating the white?

I mean, specifically only the whites.

Well, no,

that's just wrong.

No, the white is like the cake and the yellow is like the icing.

The white is there to provide the contrast to the yellow.

No,

once again, the most important part of the egg is the yellow, which if you're eating a hard-boiled egg, that's the good part.

If you're eating a fried egg, that's the good part.

If you're eating scrambled eggs, that's even more important part because elsewhere they just look like oatmeal.

All right.

What else can we talk about besides wrestling today?

You're taking a lot of heat on the biscuits and gravy controversy there, folks.

Give me a break.

Give me a break.

No, no, no.

You have been suitably chastened over and over on Twitter here over the past couple of days for your incredible revelation that amongst the other foodstuffs that you have been short-changed on all your life and have short-changed yourself on, you have never had biscuits and gravy for breakfast.

And people are scoff, laughing, and making mockery of you all across the social interwebs.

Let me say something.

Even during Thanksgiving, where I enjoy a big, hearty meal, I've never been big on the gravy.

Now, with that said, I'm picturing that gravy for breakfast.

I had no idea until I saw a few pictures that were sent in on Twitter, just how disgusting the gravy you're talking about is.

No, no, no.

It looks like some bootleg clam chowder shit.

Oh,

I wanted to vomit.

No, you knuck, you knucklehead, You vonnkelive head.

You were thinking like turkey gravy or beef gravy over biscuits.

Is that what you were thinking?

But instead, you...

I was, and it was a better option than what I saw.

No, that would be disgusting because that's just against God's natural law.

But

sausage gravy is the perfect condiment for breakfast.

You take that grease from where you've cooked your sausage and it's got the bits of sausage in it.

And then you put in the flour and you put in the milk and you fucking stir it up and you put in the pepper and you do all the things and it becomes a thick white creamy

bouquet of goodness from from from heaven nectar of the gods that you you pour in a steaming fashion all over those big old cat's head biscuits You know why they call them cat's head biscuits, Brian Laugh?

Because they're big as a cat's head.

And they're all buttermilky and flaky and filled with goodness.

And you crack those open and you pour the gravy on top of that.

And with some eggs and some bacon and the sausage, obviously, on the side, well, there's your breakfast.

I don't,

I'm astonished at you.

I don't know what to say.

I saw pictures.

It looked disgusting.

Nobody's taking your side.

I would never.

Plenty of, I saw a few people.

Have you never been to Cracker Barrel?

No, I don't go to Cracker Barrel and I don't go there for breakfast.

The last time I went to one was with Dennis Caraluzzo in like 1999.

There's a Cracker Barrel up there in New Jersey.

I saw it on my way up there a few years ago.

That's probably the one I went to.

That's the outpost of a beacon of light in a sea of northeastern chicanery.

But you should go there and get,

you know what you need to get?

You need to get at Cracker Barrel.

Because they have and they have improved this as a matter of fact.

Last time I was there before all the shit started with the pandemic, it was an even larger portion.

I could barely finish it.

But you get the chicken-fried chicken.

The chicken-fried chicken is, of course, a.

What the hell does that even mean?

Well, see, they have chicken-fried steak, which a lot of people like at Cracker Barrel, which is, of course, the chicken-fried steak.

You got a piece of beef and you've breaded it and you've fried it.

But the chicken-fried chicken is a boneless, giant white meat breast of chicken, deep fried and put on the plate.

And then they put their sausage gravy at Cracker Barrel all over the top of that, the chicken-fried chicken.

You get that with a couple of fried eggs on the side

and order a bacon and a double order of their hash brown casserole that is just so good.

And there's either a breakfast or a lunch or a brunch.

And actually, I've eaten it for dinner.

It's good all different times of the day.

And you can do that right there in New Jersey without even having to come down here to civilization to experience this.

Just go to Cracker Barrel.

Why would I go to Cracker Barrel when I can go to IHOP, a real breakfast place?

I've never driven past a Cracker Barrel and said, oh, that looks like a great place for breakfast.

Are you kidding?

Oh my goodness.

IHOP.

You know, the only time I used to go to IHOP on a regular occasion was when I knew that one-legged waitress that worked there.

I'll pause for the laughter that the listeners are clearly having to that joke.

Keep pausing.

Anyway, so you're taking a lot of heat.

The people on Twitter are overwhelmingly on my side and saying, what's the matter with you about the whole biscuit thing and the gravy thing?

Listen, I may do after the pandemic's over a Brian Last food tour.

Where people could pay me a ridiculous sum of money and I'll rent the bus and I'll put them in the bus and I'll take them to get good pizza and good breakfast.

We'll start with the breakfast.

Although you can always have pizza for breakfast.

There's nothing wrong with that.

Oh, for heaven's sake.

You've never had pizza for breakfast?

Not unless I was still up from the night before.

You've never woken up after a night of pizza and said, you know, I still got some slices in the fridge.

I'm going to heat them back up.

No, there's two things wrong with that.

One, eating pizza first thing in the morning, and two, the idea that I would have any pizza left over.

I don't even know what to say say right now.

You're the kind of guy that microwaves a slice.

What?

No, you do not microwave pizza.

It gets soggy and all

spongy.

I agree.

But, well, you've got barely anything to heat up there because you have no meat on top of it.

It's just

bread and

some sauce.

This is good pizza.

If you had first-class pizza in Kentucky, you'd understand.

Oh, I don't know.

See, now you're trying to swerve these people's minds around and you're trying to switch the issue.

When I've already, I've defeated you in a number of cases on pizza alone, but on this breakfast thing, you are

firmly behind.

You're bringing up the

tail of this thing.

Multiple people.

And just the last couple of weeks, I've said, you know, you're right.

If you have pizza that's made well, that's really good.

You don't need any of these bullshit toppings.

See, you're back on the pizza where you had just a modicum of support, but you have had literally no,

no support.

I've had some support.

And you're switching it all around.

That's not true.

Don't try to swerve these people around.

We know better.

You're a deprived Yankee who doesn't know how to eat.

Look at that clam chowder on bread.

It was the most disgusting looking thing I've ever seen.

You didn't know what a hot brown was.

No, I'm not in St.

Louis.

Oh, hey, I'll slap you over here.

You know what?

But I'll tell you what.

Travis Heckle's always telling me, he's like, I got to get a big red.

I'm like, what the hell is he talking about?

Big Red Reese?

What is a Big Red?

They don't have Big Red up there?

I've never seen that in a store.

I've never,

when he first started telling me about it, I thought he was talking about Big Red Reese.

Because the first time I heard about it, it was you talking about Lawler's Restaurant.

I had to get the Big Red.

I'm like, oh, Lawler's naming things on his menu.

No, no, he did.

He did.

That was, no, see, now you're just all fucked up now.

Because at Lawler's Restaurant, the Big red was named after Big Red Reese.

It was a big giant, because Big Red with 400 pounds, the Big Red's a big giant platter of everything in sight.

But a Big Red in Travis Bickles

usage is a soft drink.

The Big Red.

I don't drink them because I don't drink anything besides Sprite Zero.

Hold on here.

Ah, very good.

But

it's a well-known soft drink, a Big Red.

What do you people have up there?

For heaven's sake.

And

you're shorted on waffle houses.

That's a good thing.

We have IHOP.

No, but that's not even the same thing.

You're right.

A water.

How do you know that there's a severe emergency going on if you don't have a waffle house?

What?

You know about the waffle house, fucking

the people in Georgia, where the most waffle houses are located, actually, this is a state thing.

They know that if there's a goddamn hurricane or a tornado or some type of horrible natural disaster or a horrible ice storm, they report if the waffle house closes, then it's bad and people stay home.

Because waffle houses never close.

I don't even know if they got locks on the doors.

But if a waffle house closes, it makes the news down south.

That's how you know when the shit's bad and don't leave your homes.

Waffle houses closed.

How did we get on this again?

Because you're trying to deflect and defer

and fade the heat off of yourself for your breakfast.

No, I'm not.

You're all wrong.

You've been shot down and have come down in flames.

I own my comments.

You're all completely incorrect about your thoughts of what is an acceptable breakfast.

Well, I'll tell you one thing right now.

After a good breakfast of fried eggs and biscuits and sausage gravy and egg and bacon and all these things and some good old preserves afterwards, the best thing to do afterwards, you know what that is, Brian, eat your athletic greens.

We're going to talk about this right now because or drink them.

Or drink them.

You can even drink them is even faster than eating them because after all, they are liquid.

But the folks at Athletic Greens have developed a complex blend of 75 vitamins, minerals, and whole food sourced ingredients that address the four pillars of health, energy, recovery, gut health, and immune support.

And especially in these trying times, we all need our immune system.

Folks, from the vitamin C, the zinc citrate, the digestive enzymes, the probiotics, Athletic Greens is an easy all-in-one solution to help your body meet its nutritional needs.

And we've talked about Brian not having to make a mess when he does the juicing.

Well, I never juiced myself.

Actually, I juiced myself a few times in a wrestling ring, but I never juiced myself.

Stacy does the juicing, but there's no mess and no procedure with this.

You just shake it up in the shaker by mixing some water to the powder.

Boom.

No mess, no cleanup.

And also, as we've mentioned on the program here before, it does help keep you somewhat regular.

And it just falls right out.

Folks, anyway, when you try athletic greens through my podcast, they're also going to give you up to a year's supply of the vitamin D3/slash K2,

the extra additive to make sure you got plenty of vitamin D to help the immune system.

It combines the essential D3 and K2 ingredients, nutrients to help support the heart, immune system, and respiratory system or repiratory system, a reparatory company such as on Wednesday nights on TNT.

Anyway, whether you're looking to boost your energy level, support your immune system, or address gut health, now's the perfect time to try athletic greens for yourself.

Go to athleticgreens.com slash JCE to claim my special offer today and receive the free D3K2 wellness bundle with your first purchase.

That's up to a one-year supply of vitamin D as an added value.

When you try the delicious, comprehensive daily daily all-in-one drink, athleticgreens.com/slash JCE.

And that's what you need on top of your, you know, you need something to help your immune system because you're obviously not getting the proper nutrition, Brian, without biscuits.

That's all I got to say.

I don't have anything to worry about.

Every single morning, I drink my athletic greens.

And actually, since you were doing a spot, you reminded me I have my D3K2 dropper right here.

I just took a couple drops of this and I I just put it down nicely.

Don't mix it up with that stuff you got outdoors at the Dead Show.

Someone asked me the other day if Vince McMahon was a deadhead.

Is that why the big boss man was named the Big Boss Man?

I said, No,

the Jimmy Reed song, and obviously Elvis did a version of that.

I said, if he was a deadhead, Charlie Fulton would have been repackaged as Cosmic Charlie at some point.

Well, but it's not,

it's, it's,

it's not a stretch.

I don't know where sometimes these people hear these rumors going around.

It's not a stretch that a southern prison guard would be called the boss man

because that's kind of the fucking deal.

Permission to pass by, boss,

whatever.

Apparently, none of these people have ever been on a Georgia chain gang.

Brian, have you ever been inside a Turkish prison?

You've used that joke a few times lately.

You're a big fan of airplanes.

I'm a big fan of Turkish prisons.

Nevertheless,

the most important

question

gripping us all, especially me, the most important thing I need to know, did you get your coffee, Brian?

Yeah, I indeed did get my coffee from Dunkin' Donuts a few hours ago, yes.

I'm going to share with the cult of Fournette listeners

just a remark that was made

earlier today as we were facing the prospect.

Everybody's been going without a lot of sleep, sitting on pins and needles, needles and pins.

When one trouble ends, another begins.

And we haven't got a lot of sleep.

And you call me on the telephone this morning and you say, well, before we watch this rotten,

I mean, these professional athletes on these fine wrestling programs that we're going to talk about today on our program, The Wednesday Night Wars.

God damn, it's like Nightline now, week 742 or whatever.

You had to get some coffee.

I said, can't you just go in the kitchen and get you a cup of coffee, Brian, if you need the artificial stimulation and pick me up?

I'm all natural here.

I live and thrive on my own natural energy.

That's the amazing thing.

Let me stop you right there.

Because I've never known you.

Let me rephrase that.

I haven't known you during, let me rephrase that once again.

I didn't know you during the time in your life where you actually consumed caffeine.

I can't imagine.

Well, and even then, it was only in the Pepsi.

It was only in the Pepsi.

It's not like in the coffee, which is just even more nasty.

Because I've shared with you the fact that I've had a total of two sips of coffee in my entire life.

It's tasted like Mississippi mud blended up with cat piss,

and it smells bad enough to bluff a buzzard off a gut wagon.

You may be doing it wrong.

What, drinking?

I've been doing that all my life.

It's not that good.

Where'd you get those two sips?

Oh, good lord.

It's been back in my teenage years.

Things have changed.

Well, nevertheless, we're back to you there, Skippy.

Damn it.

Yeah.

See, you're trying to swerve these people around from the real point of this thing.

I said, why don't you just motivate and ambulate yourself, Brian Last,

into your kitchen and get you a cup of coffee?

Cause you're saying, I got to go out.

I got to go.

Suzanne's not here.

And I said, well, I've seen these commercials on television where they make these coffee maker things and I don't know how to use them, but it seems easy on the TV where they just press a button and it boils something and it.

spits out the coffee and there you go if you're going to consume such a thing.

It's not, it doesn't seem to be a complicated thing that you would need to leave your house and travel for, especially if you were pressed on time.

What did you say to me, Brian, last?

I don't remember what I said to you.

I'll tell you what you said.

Well, now, by the time

that I find out if we got the right coffee blend, and then I find out if we got to, and where Suzanne might have put the cream, if she got the bad sugar or the good sugar, and well, then I'd have to make it.

Man, they know when I go down the road to Starbucks, will they know

right when I'm coming up or where is it?

Dunkin' Donuts.

It's never

Dunkin' Donuts.

You don't even go to a fucking coffee special place like Starbucks.

You just go to goddamn Dunkin' Donuts.

They are known for their special coffee.

They blend it and they do this and that, and they got the thing and they pour it in and they hand it to me and I take off.

You're leaving your home and you're driving down the road.

You're going out in a pandemic, risking your life on the open highways of America for a cup of coffee you can pour for yourself in your kitchen.

Do I get to respond?

Please do.

Few things.

Now, this doesn't help my argument, but I was thinking about it while you were saying all that.

I think we have four different coffee machines in the kitchen because there's one for whole beans

and then there's the Nespresso.

And then I really wasn't digging the Nespresso, so we got a Kuric, the K-cups, one of those.

And then we have one that you could just put ground coffee beans in and it makes you coffee.

That's the one I prefer because the ones that are like the pre-prepared K-cups or Nespresso's, Nespresso is actually pretty good.

Now that I've gone the K-cup route for a while, I missed Nespresso.

But I don't have any active pods of that in the kitchen.

Active pods?

What is this?

A science fiction movie?

There's no active pods in the kitchen.

I thought you were growing replicas of your children.

I needed enough coffee to get me through for a while, while, and I didn't think I would get enough of that out of the K-Cup.

So yes, I chose Dunkin' Donuts.

And yes, it is delicious, and they have fantastic coffee.

And I like it a whole lot more than those snooty fucks over at Starbucks.

And by the way, not only is it great coffee, not only do they have curbside, so I don't have to get out of my car, I just pull up and press a button on the app, and they run out with my coffee and my bagels.

But also, I'm a shareholder of Dunkin' Donuts, and I'm very, very happy with Dunkin' Donuts right now.

You own stock in Dunkin' Donuts?

Let me tell you something.

I bought stock in Dunkin' Donuts right after it had its IPO, which is not eight or nine years ago.

And I think it was...

Well, that was right before the big donut bubble popped, wasn't it?

Well, they was, I think it was around 20 bucks a share when I bought it.

It's at $106 a share right now, and it's about to be sold, allegedly.

You know what?

So I've made a bloody fortune off those donuts and that coffee, and I love those people.

It's $100 a share because suckers like you leaving their homes and driving out in the middle of a pandemic just to get a cup of coffee, you can make it home.

Curbside.

Or coffee

in your kitchen.

I didn't go in.

It was curbside.

They bring it to me.

What if you're in a traffic accident?

What?

On the way to Duncan Donald?

What if I'm in a traffic accident?

Go to the poster.

Your dying thought, it'd be running across your mind.

Your life wouldn't be flashing across your mind.

Your loved ones wouldn't be flashing across your mind.

It'd be flashing across your mind while you're sitting there.

You've been caved in half by this car wreck.

And whenever they bring the jaws of life to pry you out and move the lid of the car, your intestines are going to spew out like the fountain at Caesar's Palace, and that'll be it.

And the last thought going through your mind, Brian Lass, is going to be: I should have just used one of them four fucking coffee makers instead of coming down here to Dunkin' Donuts for a cup of fucking coffee.

No, it won't.

My last thought will be, oh my God, I've made over 80 bucks a share.

I have bought a ton of these shares.

I can now get the finest doctor in the world if I dump some of this stock to come in here and help me out with all my needs.

I could be like Robocop.

Well, he better hurry up because your intestines are scheduled to go off in 10 minutes.

You know, one time a guy gave me one of the cups of coffee I had.

I took a sip.

He said, here, try this fresh coffee.

And I took a big swig of it.

I said, ha, that coffee tastes like mud.

He said, it should.

It was ground this morning.

That's very funny.

Anyway.

By the way, a lesson for all you kids out there wanting to get into the market.

Be an investor, not a trader.

Hold on to the stock.

Look at the value investing.

Do things the right way.

That's it.

That's the rest of my public service announcement.

It's over.

Thank you for that episode of Mad Money, Brian Kramer.

Oh, no, I hate that guy.

That guy's an asshole.

Well,

yes, I didn't say he wasn't.

I'm not, that doesn't necessarily preclude you being one either these days with your fucking stock tip.

Here's my next piece of advice.

Don't watch Jim Kramer and Mad Money.

That guy's a dick.

He's got better sound effects than we do.

He sucks.

That show sucks.

Here's another thing I'm going to tell everybody, don't do.

Do not patronize the people that I'm about to talk about.

And we should have known.

And here's the thing.

And they're not even a sponsor this week, but one of our fine members of our family of sponsors is Omaha Steaks.

And they ship out the beef and they ship out the burgers and they ship out the dogs and the chicken and the desserts and the sides.

And it comes in a wonderfully professional styrofoam cooler with the coolant thing and everything.

And it's frozen.

You could use these New York strips when you get them.

You could...

Put them in a sock and use them for one of Santana Ortiz's mad balls.

They're frozen harder than a banker's heart, right?

But But we made a mistake, Brian.

We did not follow our own advice here at the castle last week, week before, actually, now, that this has been going on.

We did not follow our own advice and only patronize our fine family of sponsors.

No, instead, Stacey was talking, I believe it was her sister, who's like, oh, you got to try this.

You got a thing called Butcher Box.

Have you heard about this?

No.

Run fleeing in the streets if you do.

Her sister said, you got got to try this.

I don't know that she even had a coupon or she said,

I'll buy it for you.

It's a pre, just get what you want.

One of those type of deals.

Okay, why not?

Butcher Box claims that they deliver high-quality meats and things

packed on ice.

All you got to do is cook them.

Same drill.

Okay, so she to acquiesce.

She goes outlaw.

She goes outside the family of sponsors.

She buys from Butcher Box.

And then I didn't even know about this until a couple of days later.

She's sitting there going, Wait a minute,

where's my meat?

I ordered

what do you mean?

And then she tells me, Well, you know,

the butcher box.

I said, Well, where is it?

And she said, I ordered it a couple of days ago, two or three days ago.

Let me see.

And she they sent her a tracking,

so she pulls it up on her phone,

and they have sent this box of frozen meat foodstuffs from Delaware, Federal Express, which I allegedly thought was overnight.

It went from Delaware to Pennsylvania to somewhere in Ohio

over to Indianapolis, and at that time was headed on its way back over to the greater Cincinnati area.

And it had been out for three days.

And I went, what the fuck?

And then it arrives the following, a four-day overnight delivery of frozen foodstuffs, high-quality meat.

And it gets here, and she opens it up.

And it's also the middle of summertime.

And the FedEx driver left it sitting for at least an hour down by the gate instead of actually bringing when it plainly says on the box, you know, frozen food shit, right?

So it's been four days.

So she opens a package.

And goddamn, oh, you can smell it, right?

It's halfway cooked anyway anyway by the time it's taken this journey.

So she gets mad we've been screwed here, and she's going to call them and vent her spleen and give them the talking to that they deserve.

And she wads this rotten meat up and throws it to garbage.

Well, and I innocently come by later on and grab the garbage bag from the kitchen and take it outside and put it in the large garbage can that goes to the road, right?

Did I mention it's the middle of the summer?

More on that later.

So, anyway, she calls them up and they say, oh, we're so sorry.

We'll replace this right away.

Okay.

So, meanwhile, they're sending another package out.

I don't know what I've known that this stuff is unwrapped and in the garbage, and I put it outside so it cooks in the 90-degree weather for a couple days.

And I walk out there to go to get something out of the car, and I start,

what?

Jesus Christ, there's shit living now in the bottom of the garbage bucket.

Meanwhile, I say, Where's this replacement box of fine meat and foodstuffs?

She gets the fucking phone, looks into tracking.

It went from Delaware to Pennsylvania over to Ohio.

What the fuck?

It took four days for the replacement box to show up.

And then by then it was melted too.

And fucking, and it says clearly on their box, do not consume if this is over 40 degrees the food.

Call such and such immediately.

And so she called such and such immediately and said, I don't want no more food.

I don't want no more foodstuffs, no more meat, no more boxes sent from Delaware to Pennsylvania to Indiana or Ohio.

I just want my goddamn money back.

So they've sent her

her money back.

And now I had to pay the Monroe brothers an extra $50 to take that garbage bucket across the road into the woods with a fucking hoe

and a hose.

Well, they couldn't get the hose across the road.

They had to take the hoe across the road.

How many, how,

Brian, you've heard the old saying, why does a hoe cross the road?

To dig out the maggots out of the bottom of the garbage bucket and then come back with the hoes and everything, blah, blah, blah.

So they not only

sent two frozen boxes of fine foodstuffs on a round-the-trip Midwestern journey to get here four days twice in a row and sent me two rotten boxes of meat.

But I ended up having to spend money to get my goddamn garbage bucket cleaned out.

Butcher box.

Fine foodstuffs.

Stick with Omaha steaks, folks.

Yeah, and by the way, for the record, you can go to omahasteaks.com, put JCE in the search bar, and get a great deal on something.

I don't know what because we weren't planning on booking that.

Yeah, yeah.

But put JCE in the search bar, omahosteaks.com, get a great deal.

And they weren't even paying for that.

I just, I feel so, it's like I cheated.

You know, we should have known, never go outside the family.

They'll take care of us.

These other people.

I felt like Gordon Ramsey.

Well, you could kill somebody.

Brian, you want to do it with me?

Nope.

I don't want you to do it, actually.

Look on my plate.

What do you see?

The cult of meat with extra cheese.

I want a burger, American cheese, pickles, onions, if you please.

Cause I'm the cult of meat with extra cheese.

Like it good and greasy, fresh out the pan.

I'm the cult of meat with extra cheese, the cult of meat with extra cheese, the cult of meat with extra cheese.

Fried or broiled, the cow must die.

The meat is done, the toppings fly.

You won't have to ask

me

if I want some extra cheese.

Now with tomato and bacon too, Not a drop of mustard there, you fool.

Cause I'm the cult of meat with extra cheese.

On the bun, the mayo there.

I'll eat it in my underwear.

Oh, come on.

Add a fried egg that'll make it fine.

You can tell that burger's mine.

I need that burger handed to me because that's the one with meat and and extra cheese.

It's the one with meat and extra cheese.

I always wonder what you do with your spare time, and now I have a better idea.

I think the best line is: the cow must die.

Cow must die.

Broiled or fried.

One night.

We had actual lobster from Maine combined with our Omaha steaks bacon bacon-wrapped filet mignons.

And I was all for the lobster until I realized, and the way I realized this was they showed up and I heard them moving around that they were still living

in this styrofoam box with the ice packs and everything.

And so she had to cook those because I don't deal with anything that's still moving around.

I understand that's how they do it, but I've never actually

gone to the time and trouble of meeting my lobster dinner before the

inevitable took place.

But it was good.

And then

on another occasion, we had crab cakes from Maryland, not cooked and frozen, but just sent fresh to us.

And we cooked them right

in the oven and paired those with some ribeyes.

On another day, we had these bacon-wrapped shrimp, and I can't remember where she got that from.

We had several different kinds of, they were bringing packages of food for a while there, Christmas week.

But the main event, the peace de resistance, or I should say the pizza de resistance,

homemade emos pizza, Brian, last.

Homemade emos in Louisville, not St.

Louis.

Ask me how I did it.

How did you do it?

I'll tell you, I like to hear it.

Here it goes.

They sell the Provelle cheese.

And they also, a fan, a beloved, wonderful fan whose name has been lost to history a couple of months ago sent me a, for my birthday, I think it was, sent me a gift box

of

Emo's pizza sauce and salad dressing.

And I hadn't used the pizza sauce because I was meaning to get some of the cheese.

Well, Stacey did it for me.

Six pounds of Provelle cheese in eight-ounce containers.

And we got a fresh pizza crust from Papa Murphy's over here because crust is crust

and spread the Emo's pizza sauce on.

And I browned some Jimmy Dean sausage and we put some green peppers and some onions on that thing and covered it with a heap and helping.

of that Provelle cheese that is the gooeyest, meltiest cheese in the world.

And it's

so tasty.

And baked a homemade Emo's pizza and

I got most of it.

She got what she could wrestle away from me.

But that was for Christmas Eve.

We had Emo's Eve.

You don't sound impressed.

Now we had a real pizza, not that kind of cardboard

lack of toppings,

generic stuff that y'all wheel out there up in New York.

We had real St.

Louis pizza.

You have never spoken of this Emo's pizza and had it sound appealing to me in any way.

It sounds disgusting.

Oh, and I want nothing to do with it.

Well, I don't know.

And we have the best pizza in the world, and it's recognized by everyone.

Everyone.

Yeah, except for New York, New Jersey, Long Island.

I mean, that's it.

Well, that doesn't take into account St.

Louis or the Greater Metropolitan Louisville area.

No, it takes into account St.

Louis and the greater metropolitan Louisville area.

It just doesn't rank them.

It doesn't rank them because that stuff that you sell up there in those little

kiosks, what do they call them?

Bodegas.

We don't sell people.

I don't know where you're getting a pizza in a bodega.

It's all those little

slummy storefronts with exhaust fumes belching in the front door from all those trucks and buses and taxis that you got up there.

gets all over the the crust.

That's why all the crust looks positively brown and muddy.

We've we've got pure crust up here.

And can you think of all the toxins, the airborne toxins that are infiltrating all those New York pizza places?

And then not to mention the people hurrying and scurrying in and out the door all the time,

bringing in pathogens.

Buying pizza.

And buying pizza.

Well, they call it pizza.

and spreading their

disease and their pestilence everywhere.

I'm surprised the whole thing is not a Petri Petri dish for the next pandemic, New York pizza places.

You know, real quick, as I'm trying to understand this bizarre pizza palate you have.

Pizza palette.

You've never, I don't believe, you've never spoken on the show about

your early days with pizza.

Was there a pizza shop in Louisville when you were growing up?

When did you first start eating pizza?

Did you like it early on?

Did you have any issues like with an ice cream cone where you didn't want to touch it because you were going to eat it and your hand touched it.

Talk about

please talk about your experiences with pizza in the early years.

Well, I had no experience with pizza really in the early years because nobody,

nobody, know-how delivered any type of food out here to the castle in those days as far out as we were.

So there was no call dominoes or whatever.

And there were pizza hut and pizza inn.

And I had obviously had pizza, but there was not really any specialty shops for pizza back then, except for a few of the major chains.

There was

one place that a friend of my cousins used to run

that was a kind of a homemade, not a chain, Italian place.

They had pizza and all kinds of things like that.

We would go there every once in a while.

Pizza wasn't a big deal back then, but

around about the late 70s, when I started going to Evansville, that's when, as I've mentioned, this place, we started going to the Raqqa Bar.

They're in Evansville.

All the people in Evansville and that surrounding area know what I'm talking about.

They got two locations, but the original one has been there since the 60s, probably.

And that's where we would go after the matches to get something to eat before we came back to Louisville.

And Miss Jarrett and whoever was driving her went back to Nashville.

We'd stop there and they would keep

part of the dining room open for us a little bit late because they knew we were coming from the matches.

And that was incredible pizza.

So what I started doing was I started getting one there.

And then back then, a fucking large pizza from this place was like six bucks or whatever.

So I'd get three of them.

pre-cooked where they weren't cooked all the way.

They'd wrap them up and I would take them home, put them in the freezer.

And then when I got back in from whatever show we might have gone to, I would stick one in the oven and I'd have two or three more before the next week when we would go back to Evansville and I'd get some more.

An old man named Casalovecchio owned the place and he ground his own sausage.

and lovingly formed his own pizzas and put them in the oven himself.

And they were just, and every piece, because they cut, they didn't cut them in those big slices like you crazy people up there, and then they flop everywhere.

They cut them in squares like normal people do down here.

Don't give me a fucking break in St.

Louis.

Oh, no, no, no.

Come on, let me get away with this.

No.

Every square had this beautiful sausage ball sitting on top of it.

They were evenly placed with love by hand.

They were amazing.

Look, Sicilian.

And I've loved pizza ever since.

Sicilian pizza is wonderful, especially when it has enough sauce, which is a problem with some of the places out there, to be honest.

Grandma pizza is fantastic.

Grandma Pizza.

I'm not even going to try to explain it to you because we have, again, different pizza palettes here.

Yeah.

However, pizza done best is a circle or even something that kind of resembles a circle.

If we're really going to talk about some of the artisans, it's a circle, but you can't see.

No, no, no, no, no.

Triangles.

You get crust, sauce, cheese into a triangle.

But the best pieces are the ones in the middle where you got no crust on the edge and you can eat the whole thing.

You don't want any crust?

No.

Why wouldn't you want crust?

It's delicious.

The crust is only there to hold up the cheese and the toppings.

I never, I'm like, you, you, to me to tell me that you eat the naked crust around the ring, around the outside of the pizza.

That's like a pizza bone.

You eat everything

up to the edge of the crust there and then leave that, the pizza bone on the plate.

No, that's the part where you're hopeful in a perfect world with a good pizza place, there's enough sauce near the rim, near the barrier, that you could eat some of that crust that remains with the sauce.

So it's not just the bone of the pizza, as you put it.

But yeah, I eat the whole slice.

When I get a slice, see, maybe this is the problem.

You've never had pizza good enough

to eat the entire slice.

No, no, no.

What the fuck's the matter with you?

I've had plenty of good pizza, but there's no reason to eat just cooked dough.

You don't, I mean, well, you eat the pizza.

I was going to say, you don't just like take the cheese and the sauce off the top.

It'll leave the bottom.

No, you eat all of them together, but

that's what you hold on to.

There's the crust around the edge.

There's no toppings on.

That's the handle.

That's the bone of it.

You're like you're eating a chicken leg.

You eat the meat off and put the bone down on the plate.

Well, you eat the meat and the toppings and the goodness off the pizza and you put the crust down, the bone, on the plate.

Don't you know how many things, Brian?

I disagree, but let me ask you a question.

I'm curious because I know you've liked dominoes in the past, especially when you were on the road.

Well,

I didn't say I liked it.

I just

it was available on the road, yes.

Late at night, you're in your hotel room, you could still get dominoes.

Probably one of the reasons I've had such problems with acid reflux after that.

And one of the great things about dominoes is when you are in that moment of desperation where you're ready for dominoes, it's the most delicious thing you'll ever have when it's fresh.

Yeah, because you're starving and it's the only thing available.

And the bread is good to the point where they started selling breadsticks and cinnamon bread and all these different bread combinations.

So that's a little different than the average pizza bread because dominoes is different than the average pizza.

Do you eat that bread?

Well, you're talking about the breadstick.

The crust.

No, the crust, the crust of that pizza, dominoes pizza.

Do you eat that?

No, I don't eat the crust of any pizza.

Wow.

Because that's the handle by which you lift the slice of pizza to your mouth and eat it all the way down to the nub.

So, what do you do when you get a square slice with nothing to hold on to, as you put it?

Well, then that's even extra good because you get to eat the whole thing and that's where it's thickest.

And you get the most cheese and meat, which is after all why you're there and to begin with.

Cheese and meat.

Or meat with extra cheese.

Well, Jim, I have to ask.

After, I'm not even going to go any further with the pizza stuff right now because this could turn into a whole show.

I may not talk to you anymore if you keep up.

But let me ask you this: considering all this that you said that you ate, including making your own Emos pizza, did you gain weight?

I mean, you've been losing weight.

You've been in such great shape.

Everyone saw that video of you and was raving about how good you looked.

And now you ate all this.

What happened?

Yes.

Well, that's because for the first time in my life, Brian, last I looked at myself in the mirror and I said, Jim, you could stand to gain a few pounds.

And that's what I decided to do.

I decided to gain a few pounds over Christmas.

No, over the last six or eight weeks, honestly, besides the fact that the weather's turned colder, I don't even sweat when I'm trucking that stuff into the post office or out in the garage or feeding the deer with the wheelbarrow in the back.

I haven't sweated.

I've been tired a lot of times in the evening.

After filling orders for eight or 10 hours, I would, I'm just going to have a sandwich and lay down, whatever.

And I got down to 195 pounds from my

former base weight of between 200 and 205.

And I say, you know what?

I got five pounds to play with here.

So it's not often I can say that.

So I have been, I've also, I didn't even talk about the dessert.

Stace got me a cake.

She got me

white fudge covered Oreos.

And also

a Patty LaBelle nanner pudding,

which I'm still working on because I'm saving that for special occasions like nighttime.

But a Patty LaBelle Nanner Puddin.

So I've been on the and some strawberry cheesecake ice cream.

So I've been alternating those also.

So I've got back up to $199, I'll have you know.

I'm in shape, baby.

All right.

Well, what do you got?

Hey, we were doing a programming plug about 30 minutes ago.

I was going to say, though, now that you're in shape, you got to stay in shape.

Oh,

I see what you're going for there.

You're thinking now.

Now's the time.

Well, now that he's just a fat fuck,

now that he just can't wear any of his clothes, now he's got to start exercising.

Well, I'll tell you what.

I don't know.

If it's come to that drastic of a point yet, but I'll guarantee you one thing.

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You know, they say you have these classes with your favorite music.

What is your favorite music's Mozart?

Are there any classes for that?

He wrote some upbeat shit, right?

And especially with those bass drums and all the, you know, the various symphony pipe organs they had back in those days.

It's some heavy shit.

It's biblical.

I think I could work out to some of it, but are there actual classes for classical music fans?

So you can ride your bike listening to Beethoven, Bach.

They sit

from your favorite artists.

Interesting.

And maybe even Vincent Van Gogh, Pablo Picasso, all your favorite artists.

I don't know what they sounded like singing.

I would actually like some Love and Spoonful.

Could we play the love and spoonful's greatest hits while I am on my stationary bike?

There's nothing wrong with that.

I mean,

I guess you can, I could see you, you know, the idea of you riding your bike to do you believe in magic is pretty fucking funny.

Yeah, in a young girl's heart.

All right.

And it's, you know, the thing is, they mislabel these things stationary bike sauce because I got one a long time ago and it didn't do me any good at all.

So I sold it.

And after I sold it, the guy that bought it from me said, oh, I love it.

I said, Well, I really didn't get any use out of it.

And he said, Well,

you know,

what were you doing?

And I said, Well, you know, I got on it and it said a stationary bike, and it never went anywhere.

He said, Well, how fast were you pedaling?

I said, I didn't know you had to pedal because it said it was stationary and there weren't any wheels on it.

So I just sat there and it chaffed my taint.

I'll have you know, there were culinary delights again here at the castle.

We got another lobster shipment from Lobsterland,

and this time she steamed the lobster, and we got hoagie rolls.

This could be my new favorite sandwich.

Hoagie rolls that were then had the liquid butter drizzled upon them and browned in the oven and slathered

with Louisiana Rimalod.

And then that...

Say that again?

Louisiana Rimalod.

Very nice.

Rimalod.

I like the way you say it.

It's well, there you go.

It's very Cajun-y.

Louisiana Rimelad.

Anyway, we slathered that over there and then put the hot lobster on top of that with more butter and then hit it with the old bay

and put the top of the hoagie roll on there.

And then, oh my gosh, the crunch and the juiciness and the buttery and the lobster-y.

And just, it was just fantabulous.

And I responded the following day, New Year's Day, by preparing my world-famous meatloaf.

World-famous meatloaf.

Three pounds of ground beef.

And also there's green peppers.

And also there's onions.

And some beefy onion soup mix along with some pepper and a little Quaker steak and lube

Chipotle barbecue seasoning.

mixed up with some breadcrumbs and formed out on a pan with tomato paste, icing it, you ice it like a cake with the tomato paste.

Never ketchup on a meatloaf.

Always brown gravy on top of that tomato paste.

And you put that in the oven and in some brown gravy and there you go.

I've got a new favorite dessert that

I just invented, by the way.

Does it contain meatloaf?

No, it does not contain, but the meatloaf.

It's three pounds of that.

What are you going to do with all all that?

Well, Stace wanted some, and I had two and a half pounds, and there you go.

But anyway, remember,

I've got some room because now it's New Year's.

I've got to back off on this, but I've only gained like five pounds.

I got a wild hare up my ass the other day

and picked up some

doughnuts, some glazed doughnuts.

I hadn't had donuts in a long time, but I was standing there at the deli counter and there was donuts, and I picked up the doughnuts.

But the donuts didn't have enough glaze on them for my taste.

They were a little dry.

So you know what I did, Brian?

I got creative.

And I went and I got a plate and I put those doughnuts on the plate and I put it in the microwave and I heated those doughnuts up and then I put some good old log cabin maple syrup on the top of those things and ate them with a knife and fork.

And you liked it.

And I liked it.

What do you think about that now?

You always have trouble with everything that I like to eat.

You put the maple syrup on after you microwaved it?

Yes.

I mean, it sounds messy, but I have no problem with that.

It sounds delicious.

Oh, that you've got no problem with.

Donuts, microwaved.

Well, hot doughnuts covered in maple syrup.

I'm willing to try that.

Okay.

Well, now it's

a little brown for the new year.

How do you feel about powdered sugar on the top?

Now, fuck you.

No.

You son of a bitch.

You're being over the top, but you don't have a problem with powdered sugar.

No, actually, I won't get that upset about it.

I just thought we, you know, we found common ground, and then you just go crazy off the beam.

Are you okay with powdered sugar?

You haven't committed to that yet.

If I had some powdered sugar, I'd put it on there and see what I thought of it.

Okay.

I didn't happen to have any powdered sugar.

You're trying to redeem yourself after you turned heel with the pizza argument.

Everyone turned on you.

You got no one on your side.

What a wonderful heel turn.

I just sat here doing nothing.

You did all the work.

The quality people agreed with me.

The hoi polloy,

the common folks, the people without the proper taste bud apparatus

in their mouths,

they sided with you because there's, I mean, it's, you know, I'm sorry.

It's just, like in all things, having proper cultured taste buds is something that only the few of us at the top have.

Some people think that you ought to have eaten dough,

dough-reme, you ought to be eaten dough with

just sauce on it, for heaven's sake.

Just syrup, just dough with syrup on it, hot dough with syrup.

Some people think we should be eating hot dough with syrup.

Well, now, wait a minute.

Is there such a thing?

Is there such a thing as a pizza nut?

or maybe a doza.

You put a pizza on top of the crust is made out of the doughnut.

Don't you see?

Don't you see, Matthew?

Have you ever had a pizza bagel?

Like a real one, not like one of the microwave ones that you get in the store in the first place.

No, I've have not even heard of a pizza bagel.

Okay, pizza bagels, also what some guys I know used to call the uh girls on Long Island who were half Italian, half Jewish.

They would call them pizza bagels.

That's just, that's just rude.

A good pizza bagel.

And for the first time in years since Wall Baums and Oceanside closed, I found a good pizza bagel.

A good pizza bagel is like the greatest thing because you get a good bagel and it's a pizza.

You get sauce and then there's usually no toppings.

Funny enough, like a real pizza, no toppings on that.

God damn it.

But a bagel man.

I was going to say, where do they put the sausage on the bagel

or the pepperoni?

They don't put any of that on the bagel.

I've never seen one of those on a pizza bagel.

And the bagel, as we know, is just

stale,

chewy bread.

Unlike those hot doughnuts.

Oh,

those are filled with all kinds of goodness.

But let's get back to what I said.

Could we make a pizza crust out of doughnut dough so that you get the

doughnut taste and then have the toppings on there?

I wonder if that would work.

Don't they make pizzas?

And I don't know if this is something you would endorse or enjoy, but I think I've seen this where they make pizzas with pretzel bread as the crust.

Does that include it?

No, see, now they're, again, pretzels.

Do you like a hot pretzel?

All pretzels are is just chewy, flavorless, stale dough.

Isn't it?

Either they're chewy or they're potentially crispy.

Now,

the little thin, crispy pretzel.

Like the rolled gold in a bag, the little thin ones that go crunch.

I don't know what to do with the,

then that's an okay pretzel.

But to just have a pretzel,

sometimes you dip it in some cheese whiz, and that might work.

But without something on it, or

dip it in grape jelly, something,

but just a pretzel?

Before I say this, I understand.

Maybe that's just to work your jaw muscles.

I can hear your objections already, but there's nothing as good as a New York City street pretzel if you have the right guy, the right guy who's been doing the right guy.

Now, wait a minute.

Now, how do you ascertain who the right guy is?

Do you go up to this fucking homeless bum pushing a wheelbarrow that says pretzels 10 cents on the side of it?

And it's got all the fumes from the buses and the trucks and the dump fucking trucks and the taxi cabs and people walking down the street spitting about and

flimming all over the place.

And the guy wheels up in a wheelbarrow.

How do you interrogate him about whether he's the right paid?

Did you make these pretzels in the proper bathtub?

Was it a number two wash tub?

Did you have Granny's old wash water from laundry last week to wash off the dishes and to make the yeast and everything?

How do you interrogate one of these people?

Find out if he's the right person.

Yeah, I'd love to hear you interrogate someone that way with cars going by.

You'd have to scream everything.

No, the way you do it by trial and error.

If just about every day for a while, you know you're going to have to walk downtown, let's say from 55th and Madison to Penn Penn Station.

That's a good 25-minute walk.

Listen to some music.

You want to grab something to eat along the way.

You try one of these guys.

If the pretzel is the right amount of salt on it, if the mustard's okay, if it's good bread, if it's a good pretzel, then you may return to that person.

You're going to have a food on the thing.

Of course.

And so can you tell, like the different blocks, by what color the pretzel is, by the shade of the soot that is sitting on it when it comes off one of those roadside carts?

What about when the mounted police, they're in New York, they're police and they're riding horses like Dennis Weaver in a 1973 episode of the Sunday Night Mystery movie.

Look that one up, kids.

And

when the horse walks by with the cop on it and the horse farts and all the flatulence, the horse flatulence kind of settles down over the top of that food cart like a blanket.

Can you tell that?

Can you tell whether it was old Rusty

or one of the particular

police horses there that you might know by first name?

Can you tell that?

Yes.

You just stop.

Now you've just rolled over.

There's no answer for this.

You've just rolled over and quit now.

I don't want to eat anything off of the side of the street in New York City with the

You can literally look up and see the air in New York City.

Okay, I don't think it's that bad.

It's not Los Angeles.

Are you against food trucks?

Well, not now.

See, now with the truck, then you have some enclosure over at least the top of the...

the food and it's being cooked in a contained environment.

But then again, considering the lackadaisical nature of

what I ascertained to be cleanliness standards there in New York City, with just the shops you go into and you look behind and around and you say, okay,

I don't know what, but a normal city with a food truck and a nice catchy name.

And, you know, they've got the puns.

Well,

yeah, the bottom of the bottoms was the meet and greet.

You know, ODB's meet and greet, C-M-E-A-T, meet and greet, you know, but anyway,

and you look and you see, check out the guys' fingernails that are handing you your food and

stuff like that.

I don't have a problem with the food

in a normal place.

They wear gloves now,

the reputable ones.

I just don't want my food to be out exposed in the New York City metropolitan area with all the fumes being belched about by a variety of things, both mechanical and

bestial.

Oh, it's good for you.

It makes you tough.

Well, all right.

I'd rather have my home-cooked lobster rolls.

Thank you very much.

You must be overloaded with carbs.

You need to go to the doctor.

You eat pizza crust with just dough and sauce.

I don't eat it every day.

You eat pretzels, just dough.

I haven't had a pretzel in a while.

You're just talking about eating, just chewing on bread all the time.

On my desk right now, I have a beautiful, I can't wait to eat this thing, honey crisp apple.

It looks delicious.

I have some clementines,

and I have some stuff from nuts.com that's over here.

But let's talk about what's on my hands.

That's right.

Clementine.

Oh, my darling.

Oh, my darling.

Oh, my darling.

Clementine.

Well, you sound just like alfalfa.

John and Mary Ann are from Australia, and they're both special needs teachers, and they have had

a run of rotten luck luck that like they both kicked old gypsy women in a previous life it's ridiculous that this could all happen to somebody and we feel horrible about that but John and Marianne we wish you both the best and Brian I'll have you know they agree with me on pizza and he's Italian and they got a lot of Italians down here in Australia that's why Mario Milano got over for

brief period in his shining career.

That's why Dominic DeNucci was a big baby face, but there you go.

If they are agreeing with you about pizza, what part of your pizza argument?

Just everything.

No, they're agreeing with the pizza bone?

They're agreeing with the pizza bone?

They just agreed that you should just shut up.

You're just talking out of your ass.

You're just bloviating.

I have not heard anyone agree with you about the pizza bone.

You know what?

I checked on that.

Just let's stop here and we're going to go back to these shout-outs.

But I checked on that.

You put

the clip of us talking about the latest pizza controversy.

There's been a few, but the latest one, when I mentioned that I'd had those beautiful, delicious, lip-smack, and homemade emos pizzas, you put that clip up on YouTube.

I went to look at the comments because I wanted to see, and there were a lot of people who were shocked at my dismissal of crust as an important part of the pizza.

And I agree, it should not be cardboard.

We're not talking about the frozen pizza from the Walmart deli or whatever.

There can be some crust, but if you have a decent crust and you've got the crust situation taken care of, then the more important thing is what goes on top of it, for heaven's sake.

Where was I going with this?

Australia.

Australia.

I don't know anything about it.

Oh, I was going back to the shout-outs.

But I was going to say something.

I don't know whether I said it or not.

I don't know either.

It all started with an Italian man in Australia.

Well, anyway, I'm not saying you should have bad crust at all.

You should have more good crust than bad crust, but it's not, once you've got acceptable crust, you got bigger fish to fry on your pizza.

So you're backing off.

Look at Leo Rush over here.

Look at Leo Rush changing food over here.

I know what I think.

You reminded me, Leo Rush, Leo backpedaling Rush.

Where I was going with that was, but I looked at the comments and many people agreed with me about the pizza bones and or that they like to toss them to their dogs.

Except Harley's not allowed to eat that many carbs.

But a lot of people agreed about the pizza bones.

So poof.

Right there, I've just blown a hole in your argument.

Just poof.

Well, you're saying that.

I need to actually see.

I'll go through the comments.

Boy, you sit down there and you go through that.

You show me, I'll show you, or you can see for yourself.

Or as Nick Gulis said one time, if you haven't already seen, you will see, because because he didn't know when the interview was going to go in its program if you haven't already seen you will see how that so-and-so fucked the other guy around

um you'll see that a lot of people agree with me about the pizza bones i'll have you know it seemed like a lot of people for the first time ever went with team brian and the pizza argument and all of a sudden now you're like well i will say there is good crust it's not you know it's not just last time it was never eat the crust it's the pizza bones never eats

the crust with the toppings on it of course you eat that.

I'm just saying there's no need to eat the crust without the topping on the edge of it, which is pizza bones.

And you, you toss those.

And see, now you're just swerving these people's minds around.

Real quick, because I'm not into it, but this may be one of your things.

So let me ask, because a lot of people did ask.

People are curious.

Stuffed crust, pizza, your thoughts?

You know, at first,

it was now.

Are you talking about the stuffed crust to where it's got the ring of of cheese inside the

crust around the edge of the pizza?

Or are you talking about the big thick kind of the whole thing?

That's a pan pizza.

I think the first option is what I was thinking about.

The first crust with the cheese.

At first, it was a little kick, but you know what?

Then it's different.

But the thing is, once it cools off, which almost every delivery pizza by the time it gets to you, will have done to some degree, then you've just got

cold dough with no topping, but with chewy cheese instead of gooey, stringy cheese inside of it.

So you're basically eating a breadstick with cheese in it.

And you're against that.

Well, it just, it's not the end-all-be-all.

I mean, if I was cheeseless, I'd take it.

If I was, if I'd been born poor and cheeseless,

just a street urchin, a little toe-headed boy with no cheese to my name, I'd take it.

But it's not the first cheese-oriented thing that I would ask for if I was little Richie Rich, the poor little rich kid, and had Cadbury available to go get me anything I wanted.

If you had a little side,

not a little side Cadbury?

If you had a little side Cadbury filled with, you know, some tomato sauce,

would you use the crust?

Would you dip it in that and eat it?

Or is it just

out of anything other than bread?

I'm done.

How much work do they want us to do?

They want me to take cheese,

pizza dough, and dip it in the fucking pizza sauce and make it just, they need to assemble the pizza themselves.

And I wouldn't have to go through all this construction.

All this construction.

See, you're distracting me here from, I'm going to talk about Steve from Evansville.

Evansville, Indiana, home of the Rockabar.

Somebody said they sold a place.

It's not what it used to be.

Did you, here's something I've been waiting to ask you since I talked to you briefly right after we finished the experience this past weekend, and I told you what I was going to have for dinner, and you accosted me with another one of these statements that you made that I just, I couldn't believe it.

You're a grown adult man, successful in business, graduate of a major university.

No, I'm not.

And it you said these words to me, especially from the part of the country that you're from, and you have inhabited and cohabited and haunted for the past all of your life.

I said, Brian, we're going to have some homemade cheese steaks tonight.

And you said, I've never had a cheesesteak.

And I said, what?

What?

And you started, and I started to admonish you.

And you just save it for later.

But I want to confront you right here

in front of all the people.

Can you honestly say to me that you have never eaten, as many times as you've been to Philadelphia, as much time as you've spent in in Jersey, you've never had a cheesesteak?

First things first, a major university I graduated from is known as Nassau Community College.

Second, no, I've never had a cheese steak.

It's never appealed to me.

I don't really like cheese or Velveeta, whatever that crap is.

And

yeah, when I used to go down to ECW, I would head out with some people and they would want to go eat at one of those two dumps that have the cheese steaks.

And I would say, I'll hang out.

We'll talk and stuff.

The two dumps.

But I never ate anything.

I never ate anything.

Well, they're not.

I mean, they may have good food, but they look like shit.

Oh, come on.

In the 90s, they did when I was there for ECW.

I don't know what they are now, but

I may have just seen ECW crew come in and say, hey, let's get out the kennel ration.

Let's get rid of these real quick.

Why have a cheesesteak if I know I'm going to be back on the road to New York and I can get Nathan's on the highway?

Wait a minute.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

You're telling me that you're too hoity-toity to eat Velveeta or whatever that is.

And we'll talk about the cheese on a cheese steak.

That has nothing to do with hoity-toity.

Okay.

And you don't want a cheese steak, which is sliced, high-quality beef and onions, which are vegetables that are good for you, and mushrooms, which are

vegetables that are good for you, and a delicious coating of whichever cheese you know, whether it's the cheese whiz, but you don't have to get that.

You can get with or without whiz, or the Velveeta, as you say, but provolone, provolone provolone a good italian cheese of good italian stock and heritage a provolone has been in the italian family since since baron provolone married his daughter off to the earl of cheese in the 1400s

and and you can have that provolone is great for cheesesteaks it's melty and gooey or

You can do what I like.

You like gooey.

You like gooey.

And you can have the provelle from Emo's in St.

Louis.

We had cheesesteaks homemade with sliced beef and onions and peppers and mushrooms and provell cheese melted all over the top of it to make it taste ooh so good.

You can have a variety of cheese, but the point is, you would rather skip wholesome, good quality bakery bread, sliced beef, wholesome vegetables, and a nice tasty cheese.

You'll bypass that to go eat a tube of potted meat from Nathan's hot dog establishment where you don't even have it.

Not only do you not know what's in it, but the way that they process it, you can't even recognize it.

Is it beef?

Is it chicken?

Is it pork?

Is it turkey?

Is it Dalmatian?

We're not sure.

It's a plethora of potpourri all in a tube.

to make it look like a Dalmatian's dick.

That's what you'd like.

Is this Jim Cornett saying this or Stan Lane?

I don't know.

Well, I learned a lot from the gangster of love.

He didn't like the gimmicks and some of those tube sausages either.

But a Nathan's hot dog on the side of the turnpike, you're going to turn down or turn your nose up at a high-quality, even a homemade cheesesteak filled with succulent goodness.

I would turn down most things for a good Nathan's hot dog and some Nathan's french fries.

Back in the day, they used to have the best corn, the best corn on a cob.

Corn?

They would just put it in like a vat of butter.

And then when you would ask for it, it was just the most delicious thing of all time.

But why, but what if who's doing their menu?

How does corn go with hot dogs?

Because hot dogs and corn on the cob?

Without knowing too much, I believe Nathan Hanworker was his name, and he had a shop in Coney Island, and it was one of the things that they had on the boardwalk for the people that were hanging out on the beach was corn and hot dogs.

So when he had other locations off the boardwalk, they included many of the popular menu items from Coney Island.

Well, then, why isn't it Nathan's famous hot dogs and corn on the cob?

Because I think there's a bias against corn on the cob.

People don't accept it as a treat, as a snack.

They treat it as just like some,

every now and then we'll grill one.

I mean, that's really sad.

It's delicious.

Well, it doesn't go with hot dogs anyway.

Nobody sits down and says, I'd like hot dogs and corn on the cob for a side if you go to a barbecue place.

Exactly.

They go together.

They go together at a a barbecue, so they go together.

Not a Nathan's hot dog at a barbecue place.

And I want to go back to what you said about these cheese steaks.

I'd be interested in trying one without cheese.

It sounded good with the mushrooms and the onions and some steak.

I mean, to be quite honest with you, I like a pastrami sandwich.

I don't know if this is going to be better than a pastrami sandwich.

How can you have a cheesesteak without cheese?

Just don't put cheese.

That's half the word.

But you keep focusing on this word gooey for cheese.

And that's not what appeals to me in any way about cheese.

The gooeyness that actually turns me off, I think, to cheese.

So you'd rather just have it all cold and dry and dusty and have it farting, dust, and shitting rust.

No, I don't even know what that means.

No, mozzarella cheese, I'm okay with.

It's not gooey,

and it's on people.

It's salty and warm and tasty.

It's not cold and dry and blockish.

Kind of oozes around on on the the the surface that it's on whether the cheese steak or the burger or the pizza or whatever can you request like just a little bit of cheese or to this well i guess you could but why the fuck would you because i don't want cheese on my food no because it doesn't taste that good on most things

it tastes great on pizza I guess you can request a blow job, but don't let me come.

And that would be something you could do, but I don't know that anybody's ever done it.

Yeah, and I'm not doing that in Philly either.

Well,

you can get the first part fairly quickly down there.

All right.

Is this your program?

That's what I've heard.

What's on it?

Meanwhile, I've got a different problem.

I'm actually, I'm in a good mood today, too, also, because I hit the gold mine.

I hit the mother load this morning.

I don't like to go out in public much these days.

We're not shipping right now.

More on that later with the Cornettes Collectibles store at jimcornet.com.

I still won't have to be going to the post office, but you people are going to be getting your shit.

But since I'm not going to the post office and the weather is colder than whatever meteorological simile you'd like to proffer today,

the point is, I don't like to go out in the public with the pandemic and the cold and the ice and the sleet and the snow and the things like that.

But there's been the Sprite Zero shortage, and I'm about getting sick and fed up with all of you people out there in Twitterland that follow me.

I know you listen to the program and I appreciate that, but you don't have to rub my nose in it.

I've got people tweeting me pictures from their local stores, one from Australia, several from up in the Midwest, stacks and stacks of Sprite Zero in cans in the 12 packs.

And they're just rubbing my nose in it because down here, for whatever reason, there has been a shortage and it creates a shortage of all Sprite Zero because people that can't buy the preferable method in the 12 packs, in the cans, then they go to the two liters.

And the last thing to go is the little six ounce cans because for whatever reason they're twice as expensive as the two liters with half as much in them.

Who knows how this works?

But anyway, this morning, I ventured back out

and I was determined because the last time I went out last week, I could only scrounge up a couple of two liters and a few meaga.

I was on the fresca.

Brian, it came to that.

I was on the fresca trying to stretch,

stretch out my Sprite Zero and make it last.

I was watering my shit down, right?

I was cutting the shit.

Can I just say real quick, one of the funniest things ever?

This is legit.

You called me the other day in the morning and said, hey, what's going on?

You said, Brian, I'm on the fresca.

Yeah.

With the disgust and the disdain in my voice,

it's come to this.

I'm on the fresco.

I got a two-liter on my back.

But anyway, so this morning I go out early, been sure had nobody in the parking lot, parked real close, zipped in there.

The Coca-Cola guy, the Coke gentleman, my Coke dealer was there.

And guess what I got?

He brought them in, and these don't last long.

You know, those plastic 12-ounce bottles-they're not as big as the ones they sell individually in the convenience store.

They're a little shorter, fatter jobs, but they come in eight packs.

And as soon as he had put them on the shelf, I took them right off the shelf.

I got 10,

eight packs of the, I believe, or 12-ounce bottles, and then I got four, six-packs of the six-ounce cans because I have those here with me on the on the podium when we're doing the program.

And that'll last me two weeks.

I figure about 14 days.

So I got that going for me now.

So that's 80 plus will last you two weeks.

Yeah, around about.

Except if I eat a lot of spicy food and get thirsty.

And then, you know, it increases the intake and you never know what might happen.

How often do you ever just have a glass of water?

What?

Just a glass of water.

Like, I'm thirsty.

Let me have a glass of water.

I'm thirsty.

I'm going to have a Sprite Zero.

What do I want to fuck around with water for?

There's no carbonation.

There's no lemon lime goodness.

There's no refreshing nectar of the gods taste.

It's just, it's there.

It's like drinking cold, clean saliva.

It's just liquid.

I've never heard anyone describe it like that, but sometimes

you want something that isn't isn't the taste of, let's say, a Sprite or something, I would think.

What is this you speak of?

Why would you want another taste of another drink besides the refreshing nectar that comes out of the Sprite Zero can?

Pre-pandemic, you're in a restaurant.

Yeah.

You're really excited about that food.

Yeah.

They don't have Sprite Zero.

What do you drink?

Sprite.

They don't have any Sprite products.

I put up with the sugar.

They don't have any sprite products.

Searamist.

You wouldn't just have a glass of water?

Well, goddamn not, especially not with a meal I'm paying for.

Oh, man, bring me some free tap water.

If you're having something spicy, a glass of water is the best thing sometimes.

Who knows what that pipe has fucking

had in it before it shot through it and then you just pour the water out and blah, blah, blah.

But specifically with spicy food, you never just crave a clean, clear glass of water?

No, every once a glass of milk with your spicy food.

And also, it's good if you get pepper sprayed, splash it in your eyes, also.

What are you laughing about?

You didn't know that about

purpose.

That's great.

Get the milk in your face if you get pepper sprayed.

It'll help you out.

A good glass of milk if all else fails.

What kind of milk?

what the yak milk what do you mean whole milk two percent fat free one percent i'm not gonna goddamn break it down in a fucking high quality restaurant if i if i say bring me a glass of restaurant i have a feeling you get milk in a restaurant no wait that was that was what you just postulated to me there

turd blossom if

If I was in a restaurant, they didn't have the Sprite Zero and I'd have Sprite.

If it didn't have Sprite, then I'd have C or Mist.

What if they don't have any software?

Then I'll take a glass of milk.

All right.

With my food to wash it down.

Why wouldn't you go with something like apple juice?

Wouldn't that be closer to what you're looking for?

With

most restaurants don't carry apple juice.

I guess they would carry milk in case any children run.

Well, in case somebody wanted to build strong bones and tea,

they come in there and they say, Excuse me, Matri D,

restaurant gentleman,

I'd like my children to have strong bones and teeth.

Can you serve up a big glass of milk cold enough to hurt their teeth to each one of them so that they can drink it down and nourish themselves?

It's another thing.

I take a thousand milligrams of vitamin D every day.

So I don't need the milk.

And the milk can, and actually, if you drink enough milk, besides, you know, giving you fucking clammy inside of your mouth, it can lead to that lack lactate intolerance where you can't tolerate women that are lactating in your presence or however the fuck that works.

I'm not sure how it works.

Doesn't work like that.

I'm sure of that.

They were in Rochester, New York this past Wednesday night.

Do you know why Rochester stands out to me, Brian?

Last

Gorilla Monsoon.

No,

Rochester, New York is the very first place I ever had a chicken wing.

1989, TBS, WCW, they're starting to run towns that Crockett had never been to, trying to chase vents around the country, going to a lot of places that didn't want to see WCW.

Rochester, New York was one of them, but the restaurant across the street from the hotel,

We fly in early.

We're starving me into midnight.

We go across the street, get something to eat, sit down.

And on the menu, it says chicken wings.

And this was 1989.

And now I've later on, since I found out that I love them so much, I found out, you know, the anchor bar in Buffalo was the original Buffalo wing.

They took some wings and fried them and flipped them in the sauce and blah, blah, blah.

And of course, we've also come to find out that the anchor bar wings are just basically Tabasco and fucking wings, and it's in a shitty part of town.

But

I said, what the fuck can a chicken wing be?

And so I ordered some.

And I mean, I knew what a chicken wing was, obviously, on the bird, but I'd never seen one fixed before.

Because have people,

have we just accepted the fact now that wings have always been around?

Like all, you know, if you watch the history of the food that built America on the history channel,

I didn't realize that most of these

chain restaurants and genres of restaurants that I like to eat at and have for most of my life didn't exist until I was like 12 or 13 years old.

You know, I recently read a book by Bobby Valentine, the former New York Mets manager, and he had a very interesting life, he still does, and he had a bunch of restaurants and he lays claim, I believe in the early 80s, that his restaurant in Connecticut invented the rap.

And it's such a crazy thing when you think about it, but then you're like, well, someone had to invent it.

They kind of weren't raps before a certain point in time.

And it's weird when you think like my kids are going to grow up and their their entire life, there's going to be raps.

They're going to know what those are.

And

at some point in my life, they were invented.

That's exactly correct.

And they used to throw the chicken wings away.

And now they're the highest priced piece of the chicken.

Anyway, so that was Rochester, New York to me.

And that'll be more interesting, that story than the recount of the television program.

On this topic, I'm not a big wings guy.

What am I missing?

What do I look at?

Well, okay, you can't, the people who make wings, like especially the pizza places that make wings in the pizza oven, which is not the way you do it, they're chewy, they're not, the skin isn't crisp, or they're not meaty.

You got a wide variety of wings out there.

But you get the fat ones, and they're deep-fried, so the skin's crispy, but yet the inside is succulent and moist.

And then you...

You don't dump the sauce all over them and just make them swim in it, but you put the sauce on and you flip them in the bowl and you spin them.

As a matter of fact, that's what makes,

I think, the lube, the Quaker Steak and Lube wing so good is they have like a raffle thing that they spin the wing in.

And it gets all covered with the sauce.

And then you got the garlic palm or you got the

spicy garlic or you got the, you know, your levels of hot or medium or mild or you got, you can go all kinds of ways.

You can go Asian.

What do you do?

I love

at Quaker Steak and Lube, I love the

black pepper and parmesan wings that are not spicy at all, but they're very tasty.

And then I like the spicy garlic if I want to go a little spicy.

I like,

it just depends.

And then smoked wings are a whole different thing.

You go down to like Memphis to Corky's or here at Martin's Barbecue in any...

Kentucky or Tennessee location, they have smoked wings.

And

those with a little Memphis dry rub on those instead of any sauce at all.

You know, I'm just telling you.

Well, you're talking about all these places that you like and their wings.

So if Rochester was the first time in the NWA that you saw wings, when was the second time?

Did it start popping up everywhere quickly on the menu?

Actually, well, then.

I noticed that chilies, because chilies, I think, just started as a chain in the early 80s.

I didn't realize, well, there was one in Charlotte was the first time I ever saw one.

And I didn't realize they were all over the country, but they started coming out with a wing.

And even though it's still chilies, they're not necessarily, you know, award-winning wings.

Hey, come on, two-for-one drinks.

Well, the drinks are different than the wings.

Chickens don't drink very much.

I know, but a few of those two-for-one drinks and the wings taste a lot better than they would have otherwise.

Well, and you ought to see when they do drink too much, those drunk cluckers they cause a mess.

But anyway, and then wings started popping up everywhere, and then there became wing places and wing contests, and everybody's got a wing now.

Well, there it is.

You can take off your bib.

The omnibus is over.

The food omnibus is over.

It's time for us all to eat something.

How could you not be hungry after all this?

Well, as a matter of fact, I've already got a pan out and I'm fixing to fry me some burgers.

And then that's in anticipation of the wonderful crab cakes that are coming into the castle via iced packages very shortly.

And you can hear about everything that goes wrong with that on Omnibus Volume 2, which will be coming at you in the near future.

But Jim, until then, well, I don't know why I said your name, but for Jim Cornette, I'm the great Brian last.

Bon appetite, telly hoe!

Say my name all the time, it's safe.