Request For Ex-Tradition

Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast.

I'm Baylor Jesse Thorne.

This week, Request for X Tradition.

Kyle files suit against his friend Brian.

Sometime in college, Brian began a yearly tradition.

He called I Blame Kyle Day.

Now, 12 years later, Kyle and Brian's friend group keep the day going.

Kyle is tired of being blamed for his friend's problems and would like Brian to put put an end to it.

Who's right?

Who's wrong?

Only one can decide.

Please rise as Judge John Hodgman enters the courtroom and presents an obscure cultural reference.

Kyle really got the short end of the stick in this show.

It's not even funny at all.

I straight up thought they were going to rescue him too, and instead it was treated as a joke.

A human being.

Even an animated one shouldn't be treated like that.

One of the few things in the series that I didn't like.

As much as my flair says, blame it on Kyle, it's because of a stupid bet I lost, I agree with this.

Nobody should be yeeted into the air without consent.

To be fair, Seahawk didn't really know any better, nor did he have any reason not to throw him.

Bo really should have insisted on rescuing him later, but Seahawk did nothing wrong here.

Bailiff Jesse Thorne, swear him in.

Brian, Kyle, please rise and raise your right hands.

Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you, God, or whatever?

I do.

I do.

Do you swear to abide by Judge John Hodgman's ruling, despite the fact that he never blames it on the sunshine, moonlight, or good times, and always blames it instead on the boogie?

I do.

Yes.

Judge Hodgman, you may proceed.

Brian and Kyle, you may be seated for an immediate summary judgment in one of your favors.

Can one of you name the piece of culture that I referenced as I entered this fake court of fake internet law?

Kyle, you seek justice, so I'm going to give you the advantage.

What is your guess?

I have no idea.

So I'm going to guess that it is a quote from Jack Nicholson in the 1989 Batman film when he is portraying Joker.

Why?

Because...

Hang on, let me write it down.

This is a really good guess.

Jack Nicholson as the Joker in Batman.

This is a hypothetical syllogism.

So what do you mean by a syllogism?

What's the syllogism here, Kyle?

So a hypothetical syllogism is if A, then B.

If B, then C, therefore, if A, then C.

Okay, I got you.

So, but map it out for me.

Essentially, Joker is chaos.

Chaos is Brian.

Therefore, Joker is Brian.

And you're Bruce Wayne, then?

You're a millionaire playboy, Bruce Wayne?

I'm an innocent bystander on the streets of Gotham observing this chaos.

Okay.

Can I be Billy D.

Williams?

I will allow it.

Yes.

Works every time.

All right.

Brian, what's your guess?

I'm going to go.

I heard the name Bo.

I'm guessing Dukes of Hazard.

I have no idea.

You did hear the name Bo, but it's spelled B-O-W.

You also heard the name Seahawk, who I do not think was a Duke of Hazard.

He was not, no.

Or they.

I don't know who Seahawk is.

Well, since the first name was Bo, Seahawk is probably either on the Raiders or the Royals.

Probably.

There you go.

That's impossible to know.

That's a sports.

Yeah.

By the way, all guesses are wrong.

This is a request for X tradition, and the tradition...

that Kyle is seeking to be ex-tier is you playing mind games with him, Brian.

There's a whole...

We recorded about 45 minutes of this podcast where you flummoxed Kyle because Kyle kept saying your last name.

And at the very last minute, producer Jennifer Marmer said, oh, wait, do you want to have your last names on this show?

And I could see in Brian's eye, he did not care one way or the other.

He did not care.

that his last name be named, but he decided to play a mind game and he said, yeah, I don't want my last name.

Kyle has to redo that whole thing.

And now you're, now you're like, sort of like Dukes of Hazard.

and i thought you made a guess but maybe you didn't you're playing mind games with me now brian by the way all guesses are wrong anyone would know anyone would know that this is a series of posts from two months ago on the subreddit r slash princesses of power dedicated to she-ra and the princesses of power a cartoon and i have to thank this this was a conversation about kyle a character on the show getting thrown off a skyboat or something and not being rescued.

That's the context.

Shout out to the members of this conversation, Radical Snow Dude, Loden, Mechu Chan12, and ZadoWolf.

That's Z-H-A-D-O-W-W-O-L-F.

They love this show and they feel bad for Kyle.

And Mechu underscore Chan12 has a flair, which is hashtag blame it on Kyle.

Are you connected with this, Brian?

With this community?

I am not.

Weird, isn't it?

Because

you started a Blame It on Kyle day when the two of you were in college.

Is that correct?

That is correct.

Kyle, you can go take a nap because I'm going to prosecute this one myself.

I am judge, jury, and prosecution.

Commence napping.

And when was that?

How long ago was that?

That would have been about 2008, so about 14 years ago.

Pretty good math off the top of your head.

I couldn't do it.

I couldn't do that subtraction, honestly.

And all of a sudden, there's this hashtag, blame it on Kyle.

You saying you're not behind this Princess of Power subreddit?

I can honestly say I've never seen Princess of Power and I have not been on that subreddit.

Did you make a bet with Metchu Chan Metu underscore Chan 12?

I did not.

Because they say it's because of a stupid bet they lost.

They have to have this flair, this hashtag.

Hashtag blame it on Kyle.

What's going on?

I do not know.

Let me ask you this, Mind Games.

How come when I go and internet search the term blame Kyle, I find an Amazon page, and I'm going to say it.

This is where I found it, Amazon.

A big black t-shirt for sale saying, I blame Kyle.

What's that about, Brian?

You behind this shirt?

I am not.

I kind of wish I was, but I am not behind that shirt.

Comes in black, navy, royal blue, cranberry, and heather blue.

I'd probably go heather blue.

How about you, Brian?

I think so.

I would agree with that.

Kyle, what color would you use?

Cranberry?

I'm a fan of blue, but I want to be opposed to Brian, so I'll choose cranberry.

There you go.

Either way, color me skeptical.

How come when I search Blame Kyle on the internet, I find a Facebook group called Blame Kyle?

That might be connected to me.

I don't know.

Is that the I Blame Kyle Day Facebook group?

No, it just says Blame Kyle, local business.

The profile photo does not seem to be either of you unless it's a very old, especially emo photo of maybe that's you, Kyle, is it as a youth?

No, John, that's just a place to get hoagies in low die.

If you're ever in low die, stop in there and get yourself a hoagie.

The about section says, something gone wrong, something piss you off, something occur with which you need to place blame?

Well, blame Kyle.

The posts include, I blame Kyle that my toe is all screwed up and I don't get to see my girlfriend tonight because I'm stuck at work.

I blame Kyle that my girlfriend has a migraine and I also blame Kyle that I don't have enough money to buy a new bed so that my girlfriend isn't uncomfortable when she comes over to hang out.

I blame Kyle for this page still being up.

Is this you, Brian?

It is not.

He's supposed to go back to 2012.

Okay.

No, I am not connected to any of this.

I blame Kyle for gravity.

Did you write that, Brian?

How long has this been going on?

I did not.

Well, it has been going on since 2008, but this is unconnected to me as far as I am aware.

Here's my concern, Brian and Kyle.

Because Kyle, now I'm starting to look at you again.

You got a little, I can see you through the teleconference window.

You got a little smirk on.

Are you two coming on to this podcast to peddle some weird meme that you've been churning out for a decade or more?

Am I being laughed at by the kids right now, Kyle?

I am just as shocked at this shadow blame campaign as anyone else.

Also, not surprised.

This has taken on a life of its own and it's gone well beyond Brian's ability to control it well why don't you tell me how it all got started and then i'll decide well in the beginning the words i blame kyle were uttered and ever since then this i blame kyle phenomenon has expanded it's expanded you know to be blamed for anything right things that are fine innocuous

i understand that it existed but how did it start brian how did it start I don't remember this specific event, but I remember some of the earlier events.

um there there was an instance in college where kyle drove across campus and uh he decided he was going to park illegally because he did not have a parking permit for that building and he decided he was going to pull up behind a dumpster and got very upset when security gave him a ticket and at that instance i blame kyle um it started innocuously enough as just blaming kyle for silly things that young adults do And then it just kind of expanded from there where me and a couple other people just started blaming him for random stuff that really he had no control over.

But it was just entertaining.

So you're saying it was a college prank?

Yeah.

And not even a prank, really.

Just kind of a little joke.

A meme.

A meme around campus.

A big meme around campus.

Yeah.

And

what was the campus?

Augustana College.

Augustana College in Rock Island, Illinois.

That's correct.

All right.

I was prepped with that information.

I didn't have that at the top of my...

top of my head i got to tell you right now i've never heard of augustana college what is what's there what's that all about uh it's a small liberal arts school 2500 students oh well you know you could basically

a meme like i blame kyle is gonna rip through that campus real quick 2500 students everyone's gonna blame kyle within three days what did you study at augustana uh math and secondary education and are you a secondary educator now i am not i see are you a math

i use math but no not really all right and uh what about you kyle what did you study there at augustana i majored in economics and philosophy.

And what do you do for a living now?

I'm a financial planner for a community bank.

Oh, you saved it at the community bank there at the last second.

I was about to blame Kyle.

All right.

Community bank.

I like it.

Okay, that's okay.

That's all right.

What kind of things do you get blamed for, Kyle?

Do you remember?

In the college, in the college, because you're not in college anymore.

You both are about 10 years out of college, would be my guess, right?

I didn't study math or secondary education, but I can do some simple calculations with my chismbop.

John, I have a degree in American studies, and they happen to live in that nation.

I can confirm.

Thank you very much, Bailiff Jesse.

I would say that I was blamed for everything, you know, things like a stubbed toe,

if it's snowing, bad grades, you know, all sorts of things.

And how would the blame be conveyed to you?

How would you know that you were being blamed for these things?

I mean, people would blame Kyle openly and often in a classroom or walking by or via text or what have you.

So you'd be going about your day going to your philosophy of economics course or whatever, and someone would shout at you down the hall.

I blame you, Kyle.

I blame you for this weird itch in the back of my head.

Were people yelling at you across campus, across the calf?

To be honest, I wouldn't, I can't say that it didn't happen.

It seems like a thing that would happen, but I can't, I have no evidence, though.

Brian made

a very clear body language gesture of, oh, come on.

So I shall allow your, oh, come on.

What's your reaction there, Brian?

My reaction is that while people were involved in it, I don't believe anyone was yelling across campus, I blame Kyle.

Usually he was in the room or it was with a small group of friends who knew him and would just say, I blame Kyle.

Like, something is wrong.

I blame Kyle.

Yes.

I blame you, Kyle.

So it's not yelling, but it's just saying

to his face.

Yeah.

In an enclosed space while he's sitting in the middle of a circle of blamers.

Yes.

I know what kind of head games you play at Augustana College.

Well, Kyle, you don't seem to have a lot of specific memories that you can share with us about being blamed.

You're being vague.

It's like, sometimes this happened, sometimes a thing happened.

Maybe someone yelled at me across.

What I do know is that when you touch a hot stove, you remember it.

We're like, oh, hot stove is hot.

You know, it tends to be when painful things, whether physical or emotional, lock in our memories.

And yet you seem to have let quite a bit of it slide.

Why should I believe that you actually feel bad about this?

Well, I think that the nature of the blaming, you know, we live in, you know, the 21st century and the town crier now is social media.

And that was, I would say, the most pervasive way in which I blame Kyle Day expanded.

So you mean it got worse?

I mean that all of the blame, the majority of the blaming was via a Facebook group that.

continued on an annual basis.

And then there was a dedicated day where people would blame me.

And then there were pranks that continued to escalate and then escalated after college but it began that began okay now Brian

this Facebook group this is not the one that I found it is not because this group is blame hyphen Kyle hyphen 676-016-35995

is it that one I do not believe so do I have access to the Facebook group as it exists or is it private I think it's private it's been so long I'm pretty sure it's private Well, luckily, Kyle submitted some evidence, some screen grabs.

So the first ever post on this Facebook group recorded February the 22nd, 2010, which happens to be the birthday of my wife, who's all human being in her own right, Brian.

This was how you chose to celebrate my wife's birthday, was to post Brian Blames Kyle.

And then it continued.

The next thing Kyle sent is one of, quote, one of many recorded annual I Blame Kyle Days on this Facebook group.

This one, the second annual I Blame Kyle Day, which was April 7th, 2011.

And yeah, that's right.

That is the second annual.

It's the second one.

And you explain the group this way.

Whenever something goes wrong, these are your words, Brian.

Whenever something goes wrong, Kyle can be blamed for it.

If it is raining, I blame Kyle.

If it is snowing, I blame Kyle.

If my shoes come untied, I blame Kyle.

If I stub my toe, I blame Kyle.

If your head isn't screwed on right, I blame Kyle.

It goes on.

Jesse, you can see why I'm suspicious of these two kids, right?

Doesn't this feel like this whole thing is a a game to get me to say I blame Kyle as many times as possible?

Like, this is a code that they have, right?

Or it's one of those things where if you say that enough times, the ghost comes out of the mirror.

You're saying that if I keep reading this, Kyle's going to reach through this teleconference and strangle me?

Well, of course.

Of course, it all makes sense now.

Well, let's see if it happens because it still goes on.

If your shoes are too tight, I blame Kyle.

If your heart is two sizes too small, I blame Kyle.

If you lose your watch because it is stolen by a pink and purple striped anemic elephant while riding a tennis wheel, Ferris wheel, excuse me, I blame Kyle.

April 7th is a day for blaming the one who is truly responsible for all of your misfortunes.

I blame Kyle!

Oh no, there's blood dripping out of my monitor!

It's okay.

I came back from the other side.

I came back from the other side.

I went through the Vale of Tears and then I I came back from the other side.

It was very, it was very terrifying.

Kyle looks like a very straight-laced young financial planner for a community bank, but he's actually a ventilator ghost.

Reached through the screen, grabbed me by my necks, squeezed.

Yeah, he's crushing my head right now with his little fingers.

And then it goes on.

Now, Kyle, you have maintained that it is not just people from college who joined this Facebook group.

Who else joined?

Yes.

So other friends from where I'm from, friends in Madison, co-workers

who I'm friends with,

and now my wife, who also participated and does participate in I Blame Kyle Day.

What?

How did they all learn about this thing?

People from home, when you leave high school and you go to college, you're supposed to all, everyone's supposed to forget about you.

You're supposed to be able to burn that part of your past.

Now they're all playing I Blame Kyle.

How did that happen, Brian?

How did all these people get invited to this Facebook group?

I told one of his friends from high school, Eric.

You know Eric.

You knew what Eric was going to do.

Yeah, you just, Eric's are going to do Eric's stuff.

That's very true.

I did not think through the trouble that an Eric would cause, but yeah, I did not realize it would expand to several other of his Facebook friends and or high school friends and co-workers.

But yeah, it's just grown beyond me at that point.

I think we have Eric here

on April 7th, 2010.

Weather Sucks Today.

This is directed to Kyle.

Weather Sucks Today.

Thanks a lot, a-hole.

Eric.

Kyle, Eric, right?

It wasn't my fault.

I know, but we know Eric, right?

This is totally Eric, right?

This is classic Eric behavior.

This is classic Eric.

Eric went around and told Kristen to say, thanks to you.

I got a D on my English paper.

I hate you.

Thanks to Eric, Nikki comes in saying, so there's a good chance I'll find out about GHJ on this day.

I'm blaming Kyle for the result.

It's because of Eric, the Jen comes in to say, oh, no, I don't have Kyle's number to blame him.

I blame him for not giving it to me.

It's mean, mean stuff.

How did it feel to start being, were you, were you even a member of this group, Kyle?

Oh, yes, because of course they wanted to direct it at me and constantly remind me of all of the things that I was responsible for, all of these horrendous things.

Wait, wait, wait a second.

This is a Facebook group, a private Facebook group that you didn't even see fit to let me join, Brian.

I got no invitation to this Facebook group and I'm supposed to decide your fate.

What are you hiding on this Facebook group?

I'm only getting these sketchy screen grabs from Kyle.

But at the same time, Kyle, you could have easily ignored this stuff.

This is for more than a decade ago.

Why did you go in and want to read it?

Well, initially it started as a way to kind of combat it, and then I obviously gave up because that's not.

a successful strategy.

Yeah, really?

Feeding the trolls?

Right, right.

You guys, stop it.

Hey, come on, you guys.

Stop teasing me.

That's not fair.

It's like Josh Golliman saying he doesn't do cocaine on the internet.

Just makes it clear that he does.

Hey, kids, cocaine is a terrible drug.

Josh Golliman does not do it.

Don't do drugs.

So

you're saying you went in to try to stop this behavior.

How did you try to stop it?

Well, I tried to combat it initially, and that was

beginning to blame you pretty hard now.

I asked you a simple question.

How did you try to combat it?

When I said stop, and you say, well, I did try to combat it.

Tell me how.

Tell me how, how, how, how, how.

Oh, replied, commented, you know,

you know, so one thing that happened was

one time everybody impersonated me on Facebook by changing their name and their profile picture and then went around posting.

And so in the heat of the moment, I would just reply and say, no, I'm actually Kyle.

And then I realized that was futile.

What were they posting in your name and image?

That's scary.

You know, declaring their love for people I've never met before.

you know,

I have no idea.

I mean, it was, you know, pretty scary.

Is that true or do you have no idea?

No, that is actually true.

So someone pretending to be you on Facebook went and declared, quote unquote, your love for a stranger?

Or Brian, what are we talking about here?

Tell me what you did.

So I was not.

Don't try to blame it on Eric.

I would love to not blame it on someone else, but this instance is an April Fool's Day joke that I was not involved involved with um it was a friend of ours um

convinced uh i think it was two other people to change their facebook pictures and names to go around and try to impersonate kyle um it wasn't an unknown person to them it was an unknown person to kyle i believe but uh i just have i have to strongly comment it was definitely more than just two what was it more It was at least a half a dozen people.

Boy,

the vibe you're bringing into this comment section,

I see now why i blame kyle facebook did not shut itself down and yes i just have to strongly comment um it may have been more people but i was not involved in this this predates i blame kyle day and i had uh no involvement with so

uh so wait a minute why why can't what why is this story going backwards now we've brought it forwards to i blame kyle day kyle i blame you for this you brought up something that now is is chronologically confusing to me you're trying i want you to, I want you to make your case as clearly as possible here.

I mean, who knows where one blame ends and the other blame begins?

What does that even mean, Kyle?

Don't be an Eric.

It's a Mobius blame is what I'm saying.

Yeah, I blame you for that one.

A Mobius blame.

An eternal strip of blame

that has a single side.

An unyielding strip of blame on which I am on the blamed side and not on the note.

But a Mobius strip only has one side, Kyle.

Oh, that's right, yes.

Yeah, I blame you for not knowing that.

It is a topographical paradox, though.

I'll give you that.

Much like a hypothetical syllogism.

I got words.

I got words I can use.

I'm not done.

Not done yet, Kyle.

I feel like I ruined my case by uttering those words.

You would ruin it, Law.

Bad move.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Whoa, this is my courtroom.

I'm in tease Kyle mode, but you can't help yourself, can you, Brian?

You have to go and needle Kyle.

Why?

Why are you picking on Kyle?

This is, I mean, this is how me and Kyle interact.

Like, I tease Kyle.

I blame Kyle Day.

Kyle has...

That's like every bully who's got a kid in a wedgie says, this is how we interact.

Yes, that's true.

I'm just pushing him into a locker.

He loves it.

Kyle has also dressed as me for Halloween.

He has also

found the worst picture of me that exists.

made a giant life-size poster of it and gave it as a Christmas gift at an event that we were having with our friend group.

So it's just a back and forth.

Me and Kyle tease each other.

And that's how it's been as long as we've known each other.

Brian, I'm looking at some of the evidence you submitted.

These images, of course, will be available

on our Instagram page at judgejohodgman, as well as our show page at maximumfund.org.

Kyle finding a horrible picture of me and making a giant poster as a Christmas gag gift.

Okay, you guys are holding up this poster.

That is.

Brian, that is you on the right in the black t-shirt holding up the bad picture of you?

Yeah, you seem to be smiling.

I'm fine with this.

And Kyle, you're on the on the left there.

That's correct.

Yeah.

Kyle, you're very baby-faced.

And then there's a friend of yours in the middle.

Who's that?

Our friend Ellie.

Right.

Brian, you seem to be having a good time.

You're laughing at this photo.

I think I blame Kyle Day.

I think the make teasing me and making things of me, I think it's all in good fun.

I don't have a problem with this.

I am not bringing a suit to the court.

And then Kyle's dressing up as you for Halloween.

That's correct.

And you're dressed as Nathan Phillian, right?

That is correct.

And Kyle over here on the right with the glasses, the dark frame glasses, is dressed as you.

Yes.

All right.

And then finally, you also send in a photo of a board game called Don't Wake Daddy that they edited to be, and they put your face on the cover of this board game and made the game Don't Wake Brian in reference to a sleepwalking episode you had when a group of us stayed in a hotel room together.

That is correct.

And you think that, I mean, I would make the argument that someone dressing as you for Halloween, that's flattering, right?

Yeah.

I mean, you see that there's a difference here in the teasing.

It's like, oh, here's a bad picture of Brian.

We'll blow it up.

We'll all have a good laugh.

Yeah.

It's over.

It's not a concerted campaign lasting for a decade to consistently and from multiple sides make Kyle feel like he's done something wrong when he hasn't.

That's true.

Let's take a quick recess and hear about this week's Judge John Hodgman sponsor.

We'll be back in just a moment on the Judge John Hodgman podcast.

You're listening to Judge John Hodgman.

I'm Bailiff Jesse Thorne.

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Thanks to everybody who's gone to maximumfun.org/slash join.

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Let them know Jesse and John sent you.

I don't understand why they're spending all this time pranking each other when they could be pranking that cranky old dean.

That dean.

Doesn't want anyone to have any fun, Jesse.

Take apart his car and put it together on the roof.

You know who I think is the only people who should be pranking each other instead of pranking the crusty old dean?

No.

George Clooney and Richard Kind.

Obviously, they should be allowed to prank each other.

Well, but everybody else should be focusing on the dean.

You speak to an important point here, Jesse, and then the court would like to hear more.

Now, you're saying that George George Clooney and Richard Kind, friend of the court, Richard Kind, and person who has never heard of us.

My best friend from elementary school, George Clooney.

Yeah, right, exactly.

They are very close friends.

Do they have a history of pranking each other?

I believe they conduct pranks on each other, yes.

Do you have any particular pranks in mind?

No, but I would point people towards junket interviews with either of them for anything.

Here, I've looked it up on a website called Uprocks.

George Clooney recounts his legendary prank on his former roommate, Richard Kind.

As Clooney tells it, when he was living with Kind, he was mostly auditioning, so he had a lot of free time.

So he would watch the East Coast feed of Jeopardy every day and then re-watch it again on the West Coast and answer all the questions right to impress Richard Kind, even though

we had no idea he had already watched.

That's a fun prank.

You know why that's fun?

Because I would love to hear Richard Kind just explode with disbelief.

He's so upset about it.

Oh my God.

How are you doing this, George?

Another one, right?

I don't even know what to say.

With his toy.

That's not a terrible George, Richard Kine.

Not the worst.

Not the worst.

Not the best, but not bad.

We've got to get Richard Kine on the phone and talk to him about this.

Oh, God, yeah.

All right.

So that is a harmless prank that causes nobody any harm.

But Brian, you can sort of see why it might begin to wear on Kyle over a period of time.

I mean, I guess I understand, but most of it is confined within one down.

And

yes, and we

have pranks and stuff.

Like, I know this year,

one of our friends, Holly, planned a little bouquet of flowers to be sent to him in the backwoods of North Carolina when he was visiting a friend.

I mean, it's, yes.

Wait a minute.

This is, so this, I want, I'd like to hear Kyle's version of this story.

So I'm in a cabin in the middle of nowhere with no cell phone service in West Virginia, and it's me and a friend.

And this is March of last year, you know, so it's just us.

We're in a remote area.

And essentially, the doorbell rings, which one, did not know this cabin had a doorbell.

So that was shocking.

But then some, you know, unsuspecting West Virginian lady who looked very shocked to be delivering flowers to a man,

you know, kind of awkwardly asked Kyle and had a massive bouquet of flowers for me.

And on the card, of course, it said, you know, the three words that are, have been uttered a lot today.

I blame Kyle.

And we have photos of the, of the bouquet.

Did it creep you out that they found you in this cabin in West Virginia?

Yes, because I didn't tell anybody where I was.

And I did think to myself, again, thinking about April and I Blame Kyle Day, that, hmm, now I can escape to the woods.

And one of the upsides of this is that no one will be able to contact me.

So you genuinely withheld the information of where you were going, in part to escape, I Blame Kyle Day.

Yes.

And yet they found you.

Yes.

And they used a proxy, this woman in West Virginia whose job was to deliver flowers.

Yes.

And you're saying that she was traumatized simply by seeing you.

She seemed very surprised to find two men in a cabin in the woods in West Virginia.

And

how were you tracked down?

Do you know to this day?

I have no idea.

No one will tell me.

Brian, I'm compelling you to reveal how you found Kyle.

One of our friends, Holly, asked his wife.

Oh.

And Kyle, you mentioned that your wife is part of I Blame Kyle, the movement as well?

Yes,

she joined the campaign in the email list.

One other thing I wanted to say before we move on from this evidence, there's also a missing poster here.

Missing, there is, I guess, a photo of you.

Again, youthful.

So I don't know when this was from, but it's not, not today anyway.

Missing.

Have you seen this man, Kyle, last name redacted?

Age 28, height 510, weight redacted.

You're in good shape, though.

Last seen two years ago on Facebook, reports of sightings at various parties, rumored to be a doppelganger.

Also, I blame Kyle for missing.

What's this?

Brian, what's this?

I don't remember this.

You've lost lost control.

Basically, you've set this thing in motion.

Yes.

And now, how many members of the group are there, would you say?

I mean,

at this point, it's probably eight to 10.

It's not very many.

Okay.

And was it ever larger?

I mean, it did get, there was a time when it was larger just after we got out of college.

That was the time when Eric brought in coworkers and high school friends.

But they have not been involved for several years, as far as I know.

I believe it's just our immediate friends.

How big did it get at its height?

How big did hashtag I blame Kyle get at its height?

Maybe 25, 30 people.

Maybe.

Yeah.

Do you think do you think it's it's naturally dwindling or are you going are you in there keeping it alive Brian?

Actually, I have not been super involved since 2016.

It has continued

on a few of our friends, mainly Holly.

She has continued to keep it alive throughout the years.

And I'm kind of along for the ride.

Holly's the one who creeped out that woman in West Virginia and Kyle in one fell swoop.

Yes.

Tracked him down via Kyle's wife.

Yep.

Kyle, what's Holly's problem?

I have no idea.

That is a wonderful question.

I think she just takes joy in blaming me like so many others.

Who is she?

She's a friend of ours from college.

Okay.

How many more years?

I blame Kyle Day is coming up, right?

Is it always April 7th?

Yeah, the first.

It's April 8th, isn't it?

No, it's April 7th.

Kyle, don't you even know?

It's who knows?

It's all the time.

It's a Mobius blame.

No, that doesn't even track.

That's true.

It's April 7th.

The second annual was April 7th, 2010, 2011, excuse me.

So

you studied math in college.

How many annuals is it now, Brian?

First one was 2010, so

this would be the 12th.

The 12th annual coming up, right?

April 7th.

Yeah.

In a couple of weeks from when we are recording this.

yes right

how long do you want this to go on brian i mean

i i am fine with it going on um it is just oh really are you yeah okay yeah so you're saying indefinitely sure you'd like to keep it going so what does this tradition mean to you it's just a way for us aggie friends to uh kind of we get together a couple times a year and it's just one of those events where we all get together and just kind of um hang out and have fun and either uh if we can't get together together, we chat over online.

And it's just a day for us all to get together and hang out and see what's going on or where everyone's gone over the past few years.

And also blame Kyle.

And also

why not just

why not turn it into a like, we no longer blame Kyle or Kyle is guiltless day, but let's get together anyway.

I mean, we could do that, but it's more fun to blame Kyle.

Why do you love the chaos, Brian?

I mean, if I, if you can convince me that this means something to you, maybe I'll rule in your favor.

I mean, I presume you want me to rule in your favor and what you want me to rule is keep blaming Kyle for the rest of time.

Once a year, every year for the rest of time.

Yeah.

Why is it so much fun to blame Kyle?

And why is it not simply an expression of bullying, basically?

It's, I mean, it started as a way just to tease Kyle, just make fun of him and do that kind of stuff.

And it just, it was a back and forth.

And now it's just kind of, it's become a tradition and just have fun doing it.

And I mean, it's not like Kyle says he's been injured by this process, but he really, I mean, I don't feel like he has.

If this had been some kind of cause of injury, we would not be friends this many years later.

And it's just, so yeah.

So Kyle has expressed his emotions to you and you just don't believe them to be true.

Kyle says, I feel hurt by this.

And you say, well, that's not true because we're still friends.

so you're wrong about your own emotions.

I mean, he's never he's never said specifically that I'm hurt by this, it's more like an annoyance or a thing like that.

So, if he was actually hurt or something by this, then yeah, we would definitely reassess whether this is a thing to continue.

But at this, yeah, so but he has expressed annoyance, yes,

with some frequency and consistency, would you say?

Uh,

sometimes, yeah.

Do you take pleasure in his annoyance?

Yes.

All right.

Thank you.

Thank you for giving me a straight answer to a simple question that clarifies a lot.

Look,

there's such a Joker-like grin on your face now.

I feel like something has just come out of you.

You've just unburdened in a certain way.

Yes.

No more mind games from Brian all of a sudden.

I'm getting the real Brian.

I like this guy.

Yeah.

Hey, Kyle.

Yes.

What do you like about this tradition?

I do like that there is

an excuse to get together with friends.

We actually have done a really good job of staying together and getting together a couple of times a year.

So, that is, I think, the one silver lining.

I would just like to, if I could, very briefly comment.

I think Brian is being a little misleading about his involvement in I Blame Kyle Day over the last couple of years.

Brian is nodding.

Yes.

Right, right.

So, other than other than funding, you know, this I Blame Kyle cartel via dark money, you know, he has a number of, you know, I blame Kyle

merchandise, including an I Blame Kyle doormat, an I blame Kyle cross stitching.

I don't know, Brian, there's got to be some other I blame Kyle paraphernalia like in your, you know, home somewhere.

There are photos of some cross stitchings here that say,

I blame Kyle.

You shall pay for your insolence.

Why you bet so high?

Only one of those pertains to the case.

I don't know what the other in jokes you're referring to there.

Is this your own cross stitching, Brian?

It is not.

It was given to me as a Christmas gift.

So this is not merch that you're this is not merch that you're selling.

No.

Who gave it to you?

Holly?

Yeah, I knew it was Holly.

I knew it was Holly's, Holly's dexterous little fingers doing that cross stitching.

I got Holly's number.

I got Eric's number.

I got Brian's number, Agent of Chaos.

The number I don't got, Kyle, is Kyle's number.

Kyle, what do you want me to order, right?

With a stop?

So I would, yes.

So I would like I would would

blame kyle i would like this because i saw that sheet of paper that you pulled up you've been going to your notes throughout this entire thing i you've been going to your notes coming up with hypothetical syllogisms and mebius strips of blame

i asked you how how how you would like me to order and i see a sheet of paper coming up no put it turn it over turn it over kyle okay turned over i came into this with a very strict set of instructions no mind games with me and what that means isn't just,

I really hope and pray you have not tricked me into saying an internet catchphrase that is associated, that is associated with terrible things and people that everyone's going to be laughing about now.

This hasn't just been a prank on me.

I'm trusting you that this is a real story, right?

This is a real story.

And what I need is the real story, Kyle.

Not what you've prepped for a podcast, but what you're feeling now in your heart as we talk in this, the most intimate of forms of communication, Zoom.

There's another thing, aside from just reaching through the monitor and attempting to strangle me, you can also just level with me eye to eye, not through your piece of paper.

You want me to stop this?

Yes or no?

Yes.

Why do you want it to stop?

How does it make you feel?

Yeah, so it does cause,

you know, some anxiety about what it could be blamed for.

I mean, I understand that, of course, some of these things that I'm blamed for are very outlandish and obviously fake, but it does, you know, wear on you after a while.

And I mean, can you really ask one man to shoulder the blame for all of these things that's i i feel like i i am being blamed sometimes in a real serious like legitimate way and i would like that to end what would be one of the legitimate ways you are blamed obviously you're not being blamed for it's raining out i mean i could

let me try to get you away from your notes i'm not looking no no i understand but i feel i feel as though like you know you were watching when i said to brian does does kyle's annoyance amuse you And he was just like,

yes.

I think we need to get to some core truths here.

And I feel as though what's happening is, Kyle, and I don't blame you.

I understand.

You're on a moderately popular podcast.

You feel

on the spot, right?

It's an anxiety-producing situation.

You don't know me.

I don't know you, you know, right?

People have been blaming you for things your whole life.

Yes.

Your relationship with this old and i dare say dear friend is weirdly frameworked around people blaming you for stuff you didn't do in your sort of defensive posture you keep coming up with um

sort of uh intellectual funny ways to describe what you're going through like i don't think one man should be blamed for everything that goes on and that's funny and that's great But what would really make me shut this thing down if you could just say to me, I don't like it.

Okay.

It makes me, you know, or whatever you feel.

You know what I mean?

And say it to Brian too.

Because Brian's out here winning on a technicality.

He's like, he never really said that he was hurt.

Not that you have to say that you were hurt if you weren't.

I want you to be truthful.

But Brian's out here going, he kind of said he was annoyed, but I didn't take it seriously.

This is your chance now, in open court, to tell Brian how you really feel about this.

Okay.

So for a long time preceding even knowing Brian, frankly,

I mean, I think I am probably a very easily blamable and like person to be teased.

It's happened for a very long time.

And I've come to peace with it, you know, by and large.

And like, I think a lot of times it is good natured and I can,

you know, I can

play along and it is funny, right?

And I understand that.

There probably is a part of me that, you know, as much as I would try to not feel this way or, you know, try to acknowledge it differently.

That probably does harken back to like, you know, being teased a lot growing up and that just kind of continuing till today.

So I, you know, I think that that is the kernel of truth that like does hit a pain point, if I'm being honest.

But like, that is a, you know, I just want to be clear that I don't think that in some cases, you know, this isn't like, you know, we hate Kyle.

It's not I hate Kyle Day.

It's I blame Kyle Day.

And so so I, I understand that distinction.

Thank you, Kyle.

That feels real to me.

And I, and I appreciate you.

Brian, you hear anything in what Kyle was saying?

I mean, that makes you feel like maybe

this tradition has run its course?

I mean, this is the first time he said anything.

to me about how he actually feels about I Blame Kyle Day other than it annoys him and he

and that kind of stuff.

So it is interesting.

I didn't know about the teasing thing from earlier, but I mean,

it is a back and forth between the two of us.

We both tease each other consistently.

So

I'm not against the I Blame Kyle Day finally going away.

I do enjoy it.

I do find it's fun.

And I think Kyle gets some enjoyment out of it as well, even

because it is kind of all about him.

And he is getting

a lot of attention on him for silly things that really aren't his fault or could never be construed as his fault.

Kyle, do you appreciate the attention?

I mean, let's say I were to order this to become just an annual either in-person or online get-together.

It's, you know, I am neutral about Kyle Day or erase all memory of Kyle Day.

Well, that would be a little harsh, but you know what I mean.

Like,

let's not talk about Kyle this year, Day.

I mean, if Kyle isn't the center of this day, do you think you're going to feel a little bit sad?

No.

I would be pleased to see all of my friends.

And you tease Brian, too, to this day?

You claim to be a teaser.

I do.

And I will just say that teasing is perfectly fine.

But how about it that not just one day that is just dedicated to blaming and teasing me?

What kind of teasing of Brian do you do?

Oh, that's a good question.

Other than dressing up like him for Halloween.

I mean.

Yeah, but how long ago was that?

That was a while ago, I suppose.

Yeah.

You haven't dressed up like him for Halloween year over year over year?

No, I certainly haven't.

I would say, you know, probably.

I haven't dressed up like him for Halloween year over year and gone and claims to love other people and trick them.

That's true.

I don't know.

I think the last time I probably would tease Brian would be, you know,

ordering things to his house that he doesn't want.

Okay, there we go.

That's a tease.

So, yes.

What did you order to his house that he didn't want?

Was it banana ketchup, burger?

Banana ketchup.

What else have you?

Oh,

I've gotten a terrible video game that Kyle decided he didn't want called Sneak King.

It's a Burger King game.

Oh, Sneak King.

It's a very famous game.

Yeah.

You, to be clear, the context for this is that you had requested the 7-up spot.

Yes.

And then I got the Sneak King, yes.

And that became a thing where we would pass it off amongst all

mainly the college roommates.

It would suddenly

find itself in their apartment or whatever.

But this is all going back to college.

Some of it has continued since.

The banana ketchup was

more or less recent.

But the point is, you remember and Kyle doesn't.

Isn't that interesting?

Isn't it interesting, Kyle, that the person who receives the butt of the prank tends to remember what the prank was about.

And the person who did the pranking tends to be like, I don't know, we just have general fun.

I don't know.

Maybe I sent him a thing.

I don't even remember.

I think I've heard everything I need to.

I'm going to go into the room that is dedicated with I Blame Kyle cross-stitching that I have here in my house, coincidentally, and I'll consider my verdict.

And I'll be back in a moment with my decision.

Please rise as Judge John Hodgman exits the courtroom.

Kyle, how are you feeling?

I feel like I am

much more questionable about the verdict now,

but I like my chances.

I feel like I can take on the whole galaxy myself.

Brian, how about you?

I mean, I did not have high hopes.

I'm facing against a philosophy major and debater, so I did not think that I would

go very well in my favor.

So I anticipate losing and be very happy if I do win.

You guys know how I had all those baseball cards on my dorm room door at Porter College, and then somebody turned them all upside down.

Do you know who did that?

Because I never found out who did that.

I blame Kyle.

You know who I blame, honestly?

Richard Kind.

We'll see.

We'll see if that's true.

We'll find out what Judge Hodgman's ruling is when we come back in just a moment.

You know, we've been doing my brother, my brother me for 15 years.

And

maybe you stopped listening for a while.

Maybe you never listened.

And you're probably assuming three white guys talking for 15 years.

I know where this has ended ended up.

But no, no, you would be wrong.

We're as shocked as you are that we have not fallen into some sort of horrific scandal or just turned into a big crypto thing.

Yeah, you don't even really know how crypto works.

The only NFTs I'm into are naughty, funny things, which is what we talk about on my brother, my brother, and me.

We serve it up every Monday for you if you're listening.

And if not, we just leave it out back and goes rotten.

So check it out on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts.

All right, we're over 70 episodes into our show.

Let's learn everything.

So let's do a quick progress check.

Have we learned about quantum physics?

Yes, episode 59.

We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we?

Yes, we have.

Same episode, actually.

Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?

Episode 64.

So how close are we to learning everything?

Bad news.

We still haven't learned everything yet.

Oh, we're ruined.

No, no, no.

no, it's good news as well.

There is still a lot to learn.

Woo!

I'm Dr.

Ella Hubber.

I'm regular Tom Long.

I'm Caroline Roper, and on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else too.

And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.

Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun.

Judge Hodgman, we're taking a quick break from the case because you, sir, have a television program.

Well, I share a television program with my co-creator, David Reese, and indeed with everyone within the sound of my voice, so long as you live in the United States.

For now, Dick Town is available for you via FXX,

a premium cable channel, and its partner, Hulu, a premium streamer.

Dicktown,

that's the cartoon detective show that David Reese and I created.

It's now in its second season.

If you've been keeping up with Dick Town, you will know that last week, John Hunchman and David Reese took to the skies in a hot air balloon piloted by Amy Mann, and then faced off against a new rival, the the Belgian boy detective known only as Pon Pon,

voiced by the great Jean-David Phantome.

Meanwhile, the mysterious motorcycle car lady, aka Madam Slingshot, aka Amy Sederis, continued to menace John and stuff his freezer full of creepy dollheads.

Oh, did you miss all that?

Well, head on over to Hulu to catch up on all past episodes of hashtag TickTown.

And then tune your television dial to FXX this Thursday for all new mysteries.

Which famous fast food podcaster is the secret alter ego of the local sports mascot Grubby?

Which Judge John Hodgen guest bailiff returns to Dicktown as cosplay expert Monica?

Hint, it's Gene Gray.

Will John and David ever escape from the metaphorical hair pit of their lives?

And what about the actual pit of doll hair that they get trapped in?

All new episodes of Dicktown premiere every Thursday in March.

There are only two Thursdays left in March.

And then they stream on Hulu the next day.

Please watch whichever way you like, fxx or Hulu, bit.ly slash Dick Town to go to Hulu.

And then maybe consider telling a friend or reviewing it or spreading the word in any way you like.

If you see me on Instagram or Twitter talking about Dick Town and you like Dick Town and you want to support Dick Town, this is me asking you for help in the way that helps.

Please comment, save, share, retweet.

It really does help get the word out.

And thank you, Judge John Hodgman listeners, for all your help so far.

Dicktown, it's what we named our TV show.

It's called Dick Town.

Jesse Thorne, what's going on with you?

Well, as always,

I've got my store, store, the Put This On Shop, online at putthisonshop.com.

I also have a really great episode of Bullseye with Jesse Thorne this week that I would love people to check out.

A really cool conversation with the television writing legend Greg Daniels,

who is a spectacularly sweet guy, in addition to being a legendary Simpsons writer, the former writing partner and roommate of Conan O'Brien,

the co-creator of King of the Hill, the co-creator of The American Office, the co-creator of Parks and Recreation, and much, much more.

That's what you call comedy bona fides.

Yes.

Comedy bona fides.

This guy's got a bit of a resume.

He's a really amazing guy.

And

also a really...

An interview that I was very glad to do.

So a

hip-hop journalist I know named Jeff weiss uh who writes for all kinds of outlets but um

uh was also a pioneering and and still very popular uh hip-hop blogger at passion of the weiss um he has written a lot about the story of this rapper named draco who was

when he started writing about him unjustly incarcerated um was eventually freed and and was one of the sort of great rappers of his generation, especially here in Los Angeles.

And Draco was murdered a few months ago, and Jeff was there.

It was backstage at a festival show.

And

so I had Jeff on the show to talk about what was so great about Draco's music, which he really was an extraordinary rapper.

and to talk about the circumstances of both his life and his death.

I just didn't, you know, Draco was a really gifted artist.

LA's lost a lot

and the hip-hop community has lost a lot in the last couple of years.

And I wanted to take the opportunity to talk about Draco and what made him such an extraordinary gift to music.

So

that's

just a cool interview with Jeff

talking about this friend of his whose music he admired and who he cared about as a friend who was who was killed.

So, yeah, it's a good one.

Bullseye is essential listening, everybody.

I've learned so much about so many artists that I, and worlds that I didn't know about, through the deft interviewing skills of one Jesse Thorne.

It says here, Jesse Thorne is the host of that show.

Is that correct?

Yeah, I know him.

He's a hack.

Yeah.

Check it out, Bullseye on maximumfund.org.

Shall we get back to it?

Let's do it.

Please rise as Judge John Hodgman re-enters the courtroom and presents his verdict.

Brian's out here going like, I didn't think I have much of a chance because Kyle is trained in philosophy.

Not true.

Brian's like, yeah, well, he's such a champion debater.

He might somehow be able to rhetorically beat me in the fact that I've been mean to him for a decade.

Somehow it might win that argument.

Here's a couple of things that I want to bring up.

Kyle, I think that

you need to interrogate this a little bit yourself.

Because when you come out of this saying, no, teasing is good, teasing is fine,

I worry that you've programmed yourself to believe that that's okay because it would be hard for you to really take in the fact that all of your friends from college and high school have been teasing you pretty hard every year, year over year, causing you distress.

As a protective mechanism, I think you're telling yourself a story like, this is fine, but I just don't want it.

It just doesn't seem morally or philosophically fair to blame one man for the rain.

See, that's teasing too.

I'm making fun of you, and I apologize for that, you know.

But

I need you to understand that if you don't want to be teased,

it has to stop.

It has to stop if they're your friends.

There is no reason to say, well, teasing is good, but in

teasing is, teasing is part of intimate relationships, Making fun of your friends, especially when you're younger, you know, calling people out on dumb stuff, pretending that you know all the answers to Jeopardy,

sending people banana ketchup that they don't want or sneak king.

Even I blame Kyle.

It's a funny joke.

It's a funny joke.

I mean, there's a funny joke in college, and it's made honestly.

Brian, I'm going to give you this, like the Joker.

They didn't call him the Joker because he wasn't funny.

Guy had a sense of humor.

He was a murderer, but he had a sense of humor.

He knew how jokes worked, extending it year over year over year over year.

It's funny.

The things that you posted, particularly in 2011,

that's funny.

The whole I Blame Kyle rant is funny.

One could argue that there is a time to put aside childish things, however.

And also, there's a time that you have to understand when teasing has gone a little too far or that there are degrees of teasing.

When George Clooney cheats at Jeopardy to blow Richard Kind's mind, that's not George Clooney saying, hey, Richard Kind, you're not as beautiful as I am.

Or, hey, Richard Kind, you're a gullible jerk.

That's George Clooney entertaining Richard Kind.

George Clooney knows that that's going to blow Richard Kind's mind.

And that when he explains, no, I looked at it before Richard Kind is going to be like, yeah, you're good.

You're good.

Because George Clooney knows two things.

I think that, you know, when you tease a friend, you have to know what you're doing.

And you have to be working from kindness, first of all.

And second of all, George Queenie knows what I know is you don't want to see Richard Kind angry.

I've seen him angry.

It is not fun.

You do not want him to get angry at you.

That dude knows how to project his voice.

And all of a sudden, wow, becomes, ah!

You're lucky that Kyle isn't Richard Kind.

Because Richard Kind would have been yelling in your face by now.

Stop it.

You understand me?

Stop.

I'm telling you for the last time.

I think it's because Kyle does sense that you love him and that his friends love him, and it might even be the case that his wife loves him.

But at the same time,

the joke of doing it year over year over year has, I think, an unintended consequence, which is that

it wears him down.

I went on that Jonathan Colton Cruise,

a wonderful community of performers and cruisers and board gamers and dice rollers and singers and songwriters and fez wearers and just a great supportive community.

But I made a joke year one or two of many years that I went on the cruise where I was offering myself to be the cruise villain and that Jonathan was the hero and I was the villain.

And everyone thought this was really funny.

And so

every time I took the stage, I would be booed and hissed.

And for the first year, this was great.

This was the, this was the gag I was playing.

I was the emperor palpatine of this cruise.

I was the evil villain of the cruise.

Year two, year three, started to wear a little bit.

Year four, when I would come out and try to actually perform and be generous with people and just be greeted to a round of boo.

I knew that they were playing it.

It was the part of the joke.

It was a joke that I had initiated.

But after a while, it just starts to wear you down.

Expressions of dislike,

even in a teasing manner, start to wear you down.

And I think that I appreciate that Kyle is so sensitive to the fact that this is actually an expression in a way of affection for him that he can't just straightforward say to you, Brian, knock it off.

It's not funny anymore.

It's really annoying that my wife is involved in this group.

That's something you have to take up with her.

Freaks me.

It freaks me out.

I mean, it's like

there could be an alternate universe or timeline where Kyle is like, yeah, it's pretty funny that you found me with those flowers in the middle of West Virginia.

But I don't think that that's this timeline, right, Kyle?

You don't find it funny.

I was a little terrified.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, people who are teased tend to have an investment in believing that teasing is okay.

And when I say that teasing can be okay, I really, really want to restress that it requires real communication and real focus on not hurting the other person really.

Generally speaking, I think probably teasing should be said.

I used to tease Elliot Kalen all the time until I realized it wasn't teasing anymore.

It was bullying.

And I was just having fun because he was annoyed.

You ever hear that one, that song before, Brian?

Taking pleasure in someone else's annoyance?

You know,

Kyle coming in and making his strongly worded letters.

Please don't do this anymore.

That's funny, I know, but Kyle is sincere.

And it's probably best to,

particularly once you mature into other phases of life where maybe

you're both professionals, one of you is a financial planner for a community bank, you've got things going on to reorder your reunions around not hurting someone else's feelings.

But instead to be like, hey, it's lucky we're still alive.

If it's not fun for everyone, it's no fun at all.

That's what I told my infant daughter when she pulled the cat's tail.

She said it was fun.

It's not fun for the cat.

It's not fun for the cat.

And I think if it was ever fun for Kyle, it should be clear now that it is no longer fun for Kyle.

Hey, Brian, I don't want to be a drag.

I want to be with the cool group, the Kyle Blamers.

Holly and Eric and Brian having fun with their little hashtag and their meme.

It's a funny joke.

It was a funny joke for a while.

I don't want to be a a drip.

I don't want to be someone with a wet blanket.

It's going to kill a joke, but I think it has to happen.

My hands are tied.

It's painful to Kyle.

Why would I allow that to continue?

Why would I allow it to continue?

This is going to be the last I blame Kyle Day.

You get one more.

This is it.

And I do not want you to make it count.

I do not want you to up your game for this last one.

I want you to let it go.

I want you to let it go.

And I want these, the, the blaming, I want the theme of I Blame Kyle Day to be I blame Kyle for the death of I Blame Kyle Day.

Because that's fair.

Because Kyle, that's your empowerment.

You are the one who is responsible for shutting this thing down.

And you deserve to not be blamed and teased, even on a yearly basis, as part of some weird Lord of the Flies ritual that you, what do you call yourselves?

Auggies?

Auggie students.

Auggie students.

And then I want you guys to remain friends, but it's got to be on a new kind of footing.

One that is not based on blaming Kyle, but instead appreciating that Kyle put up with your blame for a long time.

And honestly, Brian, it was your fault to begin with.

This is the sound of a gabble.

And I blame you.

Judge John Hodgman rules that is all.

Please rise as Judge John Hodgman exits the courtroom.

Brian, how do you feel?

I mean, I'm a little disappointed, but I mean, I kind of anticipated that result.

So,

but

we'll have one last I Blame Kyle Day and we'll go from there.

You could change it to celebrate Kyle Day.

We could.

I did ask for 12 years successively of I Thank Kyle Day to replace I Blame Kyle Day.

What do you think, Brian?

I mean, you were blamed for good and bad things, so I think you'll be thanked for good and bad things.

I'm not sure how that's substantially different.

Barnacles.

Kyle, how do you feel?

I feel that after April 7th of this year, it's a whole new reality, and I'm excited for what happens next.

Kyle Bryan, thanks for joining us on Judge John Hodgman.

Another Judge John Hodgman case in the books.

Right around the corner, some swift justice.

First, our thanks to At Kids Dr.

Dave,

classic Max Funster, Dave.

for naming this week's episode Request for X Tradition.

If you want want to name a future episode, follow us on Twitter for naming opportunities at jesse thorne at Hodgman.

While you're there, you can also hashtag your Judge John Hodgman-related tweets, hashtag JJ Ho, and join the conversation over at the Maximum Fun subreddit at maximumfun.reddit.com.

Garsh, Jesse, you don't need to tell me.

I know where it is.

I go over there all the time.

You know what I did the other day on the subreddit?

Played a game of 20 questions.

You really did.

I saw that thread.

I think I might do it tomorrow.

Do you mind?

Is that inappropriate?

No, that's fun.

You're a MaxFun host.

That's a MaxFun subject.

I'm not going to play.

I'm going to be in the subreddit Zoomies.

That's just videos of dogs and other animals getting the Zoomies.

You got to get your Zoomies out.

Sorry, I interrupted your Zoomies here at the end of the credits.

You go.

Evidence and photos from the show are posted on our Instagram account.

That's instagram.com slash judgejohnHodgman.

You can look at the picture.

You don't even have to have an Instagram account to look at the pictures.

Just go to that internet website.

You can follow us there if you do have an Instagram account and you comment and click the little save thing.

That helps people see it.

Yeah,

if you send it, if you save it, if you comment, that all helps people see things and that helps the show.

Tag us with your in your dank memes if you're making dank Judge John Hodgman memes.

Yeah, and also if you go, if you review it at places where you can review podcasts, that helps.

I'd like to see more fancy duck memes.

I feel like that's ripe for meming.

Yeah, we should really, we should really get a fancy duck t-shirt up there.

You know what I'm saying?

Our producer is Jennifer Marmer.

Our editor is Valerie Moffat.

Now, Swift Justice will answer a small dispute.

With quick judgment, Jared says, I like to use a hairdryer set on cool as a fan slash white noise machine, but my wife thinks this is too weird.

Please tell my wonderful wife to let me be a harmless weirdo in my own home.

I need some more info.

I mean, I know this is Swift Justice, but I need some more information.

Is he just sitting there holding the hair dryer

in front of him?

He's running it through his hair.

Or, you know,

a white noise machine you would normally use to sort of like fall asleep, right?

He must be.

It must be like, you know, people who aren't concerned about fan death sometimes will put a fan by their bed and turn it on a little bit just so that the noise can help lull them to sleep.

He must be doing the same, but instead of using a fan.

A box fan.

A box fan, he's just using, he's just on his bedside table.

He's got a hairdryer on his bedside table

running there.

I'm sorry, Jared.

I can't abide that.

That seems dainty.

I don't know why.

I understand that when you talk about fan death, you're talking about the

very

strangely popular uh misconception in south korea that if you have a box fan running in a closed bedroom it will cut the oxygen molecules in two and you will die it's a strange phenomenon in south korea i don't understand it i have a little bit of that with hair dryers i just feel like hair dryers

are they maybe because they're shaped kind of like a weapon Yeah.

And maybe because they're all those scenes in movies where they'll fall into the bathtub and people get electrocuted.

But just a hair dryer running on its own seems like something in a haunted house.

I don't like that at all.

Sorry, Jared.

We, of course, want to hear your disputes.

Judge Hodgman, I think it would be nice for our listeners this week to share their disputes on campus, their on-campus disputes.

You got a beef with that crusty old dean who's trying to shut down your parties and make it so you can't have any fun?

Or maybe it's a high school campus.

A lot of us have been to high school or community college.

Some old rivalry from

back in the high school days when it was like at Brookline High School,

it was the metal stairs versus the freak stairs in this quadrangle.

I was with the freaks.

The metal kids were over on the other side.

You know what's the weird thing is that I had long hair

and looked like me.

And I was on the freak stairs.

And then over on the metal stairs, there was this kid with long hair who also looked like me, but he wore a denim jacket with like Iron Maiden

written in white out on the back or something.

But he was like my true doppelganger.

He was right on the other side of the quadrangle and we'd just stare at each other.

We looked exactly alike, except for his denim jacket.

I could never wear a denim jacket.

It doesn't look right on me.

So whether it's that specific dispute or a different dispute that took place on campus or has, look, pedagogical disputes, I'm open to those.

Maximumfund.org slash JJ Ho is where to submit them.

That's maximumfund.org slash JJHO.

We want to hear about them.

And of course, you're welcome to submit any dispute.

We love to hear them all, big or small, at maximumfund.org/slash JJHO.

We'll talk to you next time on the Judge John Hodgman podcast.

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