Why Don't We Get Drunk and Sue LIVE at SF Sketchfest

Speaker 1 It's the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm Bailiff Jesse Thorne with me, Judge John Hodgman.
This week's episode recorded live at San Francisco Sketch Fest.

Speaker 3 We love beyond love our annual time at San Francisco Sketch Fest, and this time we heard a case about a chest freezer, a Jimmy Buffett-themed trivia night, and we saw the return of our old pals Rob Bedeker and James Richmond from Casper Hauser.

Speaker 5 This show was 1,000%

Speaker 2 fun.

Speaker 3 And while you're laughing along to this episode, please go to sfsketchfest.com to get tickets to our next show at Sketchfest.

Speaker 3 That's right, we're returning Sunday, January 18th, back at the Marines Memorial Theater. We would love to see you there.

Speaker 1 Let's go to the stage at Marines Memorial Theater for some San Francisco justice.

Speaker 8 People of San Francisco, you asked us for live justice and we are here to deliver it. The court of Judge John Hodgman is now in session.

Speaker 8 Please welcome to the stage Diana and Brooks.

Speaker 8 Diana brings the case against her husband, Brooks. Diana wants more freezer space.
She's dying to buy a chest freezer. Brooks says no.

Speaker 8 They don't need a chest freezer.

Speaker 10 Who's right? Who's wrong?

Speaker 8 Who will make sure this house is always stocked with its-its? Please rise as Judge John Hodgman enters the courtroom.

Speaker 4 Diana and Brooks, well, you may be seated.

Speaker 13 Welcome to the fake courtroom.

Speaker 4 Diana, you bring the case.

Speaker 15 You want a chest freezer.

Speaker 14 Why?

Speaker 17 What human body parts do you want to put in there?

Speaker 18 So currently our freezer is packed. And so anytime you go to the store, if you buy a frozen item, you need to play Tetris.
And it beeps at you if it's open for too long.

Speaker 18 It's a very stressful situation.

Speaker 4 I hate your freezer so much.

Speaker 8 Your freezer is virtue signaling.

Speaker 11 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 18 But we live in the suburbs. This is a dream that can come true.

Speaker 21 What suburbs do you live in, if I may ask?

Speaker 18 We live in Fremont.

Speaker 14 Okay. And

Speaker 23 what's packed in your freezer currently, and what do you want to have room for?

Speaker 18 So there's a lot of noodles, both Asian and Italian varieties. There's bread.
There are

Speaker 18 ice cream and it's it's mochi ice cream. These are things that are not efficiently packed.
They take up a lot of space.

Speaker 26 Do you have room for a chest freezer?

Speaker 18 We can make room.

Speaker 24 Okay.

Speaker 27 Brooks.

Speaker 7 Diana says that a chest freezer will make her happy.

Speaker 23 Why is her happiness unimportant to you?

Speaker 28 I think

Speaker 29 her happiness will not be found in the depths of a chest freezer.

Speaker 24 You're saying

Speaker 4 only more frustration.

Speaker 14 You're saying that you know her mind better than she does.

Speaker 29 I think that in this one case, she is incorrect.

Speaker 7 Tell me more.

Speaker 4 What do you anticipate happening if I were to rule in her favor and you get a chest freezer?

Speaker 25 What's she going to fill it with and then what is she going to want next?

Speaker 29 So currently our freezer is full of bread, ice cream, noodles.

Speaker 10 I heard the whole inventory before, Brooks.

Speaker 6 Stop stalling for time. If we got a mochi ice cream, it'sits.

Speaker 22 We all know.

Speaker 10 Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 33 What kind of its? Oh, good point.

Speaker 29 In general, we have plain and mint.

Speaker 9 Yeah, that's the right one.

Speaker 4 About three years ago, Jesse Thorne sent to my home in Maine a huge shipment of it-its.

Speaker 27 Yeah.

Speaker 31 Of many flavors.

Speaker 34 Basically a palate.

Speaker 25 And we enjoy.

Speaker 32 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 15 And we did not have a chest freezer, though we'll tell you something, we do have a garage fridge, which has a freezer attached. So I feel you.

Speaker 30 Thank you for that one applaud.

Speaker 8 That's the Midwesterner in the crowd.

Speaker 36 And that was three years ago.

Speaker 31 And all of those Itzits were enjoyed and remarked upon by everyone in my family, except for one kind.

Speaker 4 Three years later, the pumpkin itsits are still in the freezer.

Speaker 15 Sorry to say.

Speaker 37 Anyway, I apologize. I took it a different way.

Speaker 38 You don't, oh, you like the pumpkin itzets?

Speaker 18 Oh, I didn't even know that was an option.

Speaker 40 Well, this might be why you need another freezer.

Speaker 29 But I think we currently hate, like, currently on average, we have three to four kinds of ice cream in our freezer.

Speaker 29 And I think, in Diana's vision, we have eight to nine types of ice cream in our freezer.

Speaker 8 Honestly, if you had a chest freezer, think about how 30 wonderful your life could be.

Speaker 29 I think for bread, we're going from like five frozen loaves to like ten frozen loaves.

Speaker 32 I think this is, you know,

Speaker 29 the vision is we go to the grocery store once every two months.

Speaker 32 And I think we're just going to...

Speaker 13 Let the record show for listeners that Diana touched her hands to her heart

Speaker 4 with joy when considering going to the grocery store every two months.

Speaker 19 Who goes to the grocery store?

Speaker 7 Who does the grocery shopping, Brooks?

Speaker 29 I do most of it.

Speaker 23 Do you like going or do you not like going?

Speaker 28 I'm fine going.

Speaker 14 Diana, you don't like going to the grocery store or what?

Speaker 18 I hate going to the grocery store.

Speaker 28 But Brooks is doing it.

Speaker 18 Well, but so

Speaker 18 the caveat is we get a CSA, we go to the farmer's market. So like the grocery store is actually

Speaker 8 limited. You live in the Bay Area, we know.

Speaker 18 But we have small children

Speaker 18 who each will only eat things that no one else eats. So there's like four grocery stores that you have to go to to get all of the specific items.
And it's just it's too much.

Speaker 43 I get it.

Speaker 8 I do that for its it's in Los Angeles.

Speaker 10 I go to a special grocery store only to get it.

Speaker 16 Diana, why do you think Brooks doesn't want you to have the chest freezer of your dreams?

Speaker 18 All he will say is that we don't need it and I think it's objectively false.

Speaker 49 Well, I mean there is added expense there, you know, and there is Brooks's assurance that you don't know your own feelings and that as soon as that you're just trying to fill up that chest freezer to fill some other emotional hole in your life that maybe you should be going to therapy for instead.

Speaker 17 And that once that chest freezer is full, you will realize there's still more that you need in this life.

Speaker 4 But that's what Brooks would say,

Speaker 34 if he would bother to mount in a defense at all.

Speaker 28 Brooks, why not? Why not?

Speaker 24 Why not?

Speaker 29 Because I think we would just end up with like two months of stuff in the freezer getting frost on it and it would just be sitting there.

Speaker 29 We would eventually eat it, but it would be like all frosted over.

Speaker 8 Brooks, do you know that chest freezers don't frost because they don't have defrost cycles?

Speaker 29 Well, but then we would need to defrost it, wouldn't we?

Speaker 8 No, I mean, what I mean is they don't get covered in frost because it doesn't turn on and off in order to melt, they don't get freezer burned.

Speaker 28 Oh, I did not know.

Speaker 39 Yeah, I think you better do some research, Brooks.

Speaker 18 Well, can I add? So, we're both lab scientists.

Speaker 12 Let me me just say, you can add.

Speaker 24 You don't have to.

Speaker 33 You're way ahead at the moment.

Speaker 19 But

Speaker 4 I am interested in hearing about your research science.

Speaker 18 So freezer defrosting and organizational systems, like this is what we've been training for our entire career.

Speaker 29 I think we were just going to end up.

Speaker 40 Wait a minute.

Speaker 4 You're trained lab scientists in the field of suburban storology?

Speaker 44 What are your psychologists?

Speaker 6 What are your actual fields, if I may ask?

Speaker 18 I'm a protein scientist.

Speaker 39 How are you going to counter that, Brooks? You know she gets her macros.

Speaker 29 I'm a synthetic biologist.

Speaker 4 I don't know what either of those things are, but it's like...

Speaker 7 I would be so excited to be at a cocktail party with you.

Speaker 4 Nonetheless, you have not made an argument for why you shouldn't have a chest freezer.

Speaker 7 Let's fill up that chest freezer and then see if Diana still has needs.

Speaker 8 Thank you, Diana and Brooks.

Speaker 8 Swift Justice now continues. Please welcome to the stage James and Rob.

Speaker 24 James and Rob.

Speaker 8 James brings the case against his colleague Rob. They're both members of the legendary Bay Area sketch comedy group Casper Hauser.

Speaker 8 They're also in the midst of a terrible dispute that they say only Judge John Hodgman can resolve. Who is funnier? Whoa.

Speaker 8 Judge Hodgman?

Speaker 6 Well, so nice to see you again, James and Rob.

Speaker 28 Welcome back.

Speaker 51 Thanks very much for having us back on the show.

Speaker 17 Of course.

Speaker 42 Oops.

Speaker 51 Keep it together, Rob.

Speaker 42 All right.

Speaker 52 I guess the dispute is who is funnier?

Speaker 26 Yes.

Speaker 54 So we have brought two different versions of an unperformed Kasperhauser sketch.

Speaker 23 Oh, okay.

Speaker 8 I prefer the first one.

Speaker 55 Rob prefers the second one.

Speaker 51 And this disagreement is the reason why neither of them has ever been performed.

Speaker 9 Oh, okay.

Speaker 51 And we are hoping that you will settle this dispute.

Speaker 22 Uh, yeah, I would be happy to.

Speaker 4 So let's hear a sampling of the first sketch.

Speaker 15 This would be your sketch, the first sketch, okay.

Speaker 4 First version of the sketch, I should say.

Speaker 24 Hello.

Speaker 50 Hello.

Speaker 49 Are you the devil?

Speaker 35 I have gone by many names.

Speaker 49 Oh, oh, good.

Speaker 57 I'd like to my soul in exchange for being the best there's ever been.

Speaker 32 Okay, guitar or fiddle?

Speaker 10 Tuba.

Speaker 24 Tuba?

Speaker 38 I want to play tuba like it's never been played before.

Speaker 32 Why?

Speaker 8 I like the, how do you describe it?

Speaker 57 low sound?

Speaker 32 Tubas are heavy, you know. They wrap around your whole torso.

Speaker 57 Well, if I sold my soul, could it come with a special tuba that would be small?

Speaker 58 Do you mean a trumpet?

Speaker 51 I mean, I'd hate for you to not get that really booming tuba sound that you love.

Speaker 57 Okay, let's do it. Normal tuba, best ever, my soul.

Speaker 32 Okay, let me just, here's a thought.

Speaker 51 So there's no rule that says you have to pick just one instrument. Why not be the best ever at tuba

Speaker 49 and guitar as a backup?

Speaker 41 No way.

Speaker 8 Tuba

Speaker 24 and oboe.

Speaker 50 No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 54 No, Bo.

Speaker 51 The reeds on an oboe are so sensitive to humidity changes.

Speaker 57 You know, it sounds like you're trying to talk me out of this.

Speaker 51 No, we just, we want people to be happy with their choice.

Speaker 49 We?

Speaker 41 Me and the demons and stuff.

Speaker 57 I want to do beekeeping.

Speaker 53 And be what?

Speaker 55 The world's best beekeeper?

Speaker 58 You're not even making sense.

Speaker 22 All right, I'm going to interrupt here.

Speaker 13 I think we've got a

Speaker 4 good sense of the throw of sketch one. Very nice.

Speaker 59 Very nice.

Speaker 41 Okay.

Speaker 4 Well, let's just try to keep it neutral because I want to hear the second sketch and then I'll evaluate who is funnier.

Speaker 15 Go ahead. Rob, this is your sketch.

Speaker 49 Yes. Can I help you?

Speaker 49 Are you the devil?

Speaker 24 I have gone by many names.

Speaker 57 Okay, so do you remember me? Six months ago, I sold my soul to be the best guitar player ever.

Speaker 45 Yeah.

Speaker 35 Um,

Speaker 45 yeah, you kind of look a little bit familiar.

Speaker 58 You know what? I'm in the middle of making some home movies right now.

Speaker 54 Can we do this?

Speaker 57 Can I just play something for you?

Speaker 51 I just not necessary, my son.

Speaker 56 I assure you

Speaker 32 the greatest.

Speaker 57 Just real.

Speaker 57 Wait, wait.

Speaker 57 Hold on.

Speaker 50 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 50 Yeah.

Speaker 50 Yeah.

Speaker 49 Wow, that's amazing.

Speaker 50 Really?

Speaker 50 Oh, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 55 Because

Speaker 57 I feel like I

Speaker 57 can suck.

Speaker 58 No, you don't suck.

Speaker 45 I do. No, you don't suck.

Speaker 45 No, you don't suck.

Speaker 24 One of you the best.

Speaker 45 Wait, what's your name?

Speaker 43 Terry.

Speaker 10 Terry, you're dynamite.

Speaker 41 Oh, okay. Yeah,

Speaker 55 I am good. I guess I just needed.

Speaker 57 I just want to play one more thing.

Speaker 44 No, no, no, no.

Speaker 31 I got to go now.

Speaker 43 Knocking on heaven's door.

Speaker 44 Knock, knock.

Speaker 53 No, stop it. Stop it.

Speaker 44 You're terrible.

Speaker 51 Believe me, I've seen some shit.

Speaker 53 I'll give you your soul back. You need to stop right now.

Speaker 4 All right. I'm also going to stop you there because that's great.

Speaker 37 That's amazing. The good things.

Speaker 12 Two things of the sketch.

Speaker 9 Two sketches.

Speaker 12 James's sketch, Rob's sketch.

Speaker 22 Similar themes.

Speaker 38 Both very funny.

Speaker 7 Both very funny.

Speaker 21 Both very funny.

Speaker 30 I mean, it's really hard.

Speaker 6 Humor is so objective, you guys.

Speaker 33 You know what I mean? And

Speaker 4 I think the thing of it is, though, you know,

Speaker 7 I know that you want me to say one of you is funnier, but here on the podcast, you know, we have a reputation for finding like the emotional crux.

Speaker 15 What's really

Speaker 24 underneath it all, yeah.

Speaker 12 And the fact is, like, I know you guys, you were here with us last year.

Speaker 15 We love you. We love Casper Hauser.

Speaker 4 You've been working together for 35 years.

Speaker 7 You've been friends for that long, too.

Speaker 25 And yet, as great collaborators as you are, all creative people, I think, tend to be a little bit competitive inside and kind of want someone from the outside to say yeah you're funnier than him or you're funnier than them but i have to encourage you to not think that way you're funny in different ways you compliment each other and your value doesn't depend on who gets more laughs you know so unfortunately i'm going to throw this one out of court because you're both really funny they're both really great sketches so there you go

Speaker 8 thank you james and rob thank you james and rob great to see you let's bring out our next set of litigants please welcome to the stage james and rob what james brings the case against his colleague Rob.

Speaker 8 They're both members of the legendary Bay Area sketch comedy group Casper Hauser. They're also in the midst of a terrible dispute that they say only Judge John Hodgman can resolve who's funnier.

Speaker 59 Jesse, why are you saying, why are we doing this again?

Speaker 8 I don't write the script. I just read the script.
I don't know.

Speaker 51 Thank you so much for having us on the show.

Speaker 54 Oops.

Speaker 9 Keep it together, Rob.

Speaker 23 Okay,

Speaker 14 I'm not sure what's happening. Do you have

Speaker 48 another dispute?

Speaker 19 Yes.

Speaker 54 We've brought two versions of an unperformed Casper Hauser sketch.

Speaker 8 I like the first one better.

Speaker 58 Rob likes the second one better.

Speaker 51 But this disagreement is the reason why neither of them has ever been performed before.

Speaker 51 We would like your help in settling this dispute.

Speaker 59 Knock yourself out.

Speaker 24 Hello?

Speaker 50 Hello.

Speaker 49 Are you the devil?

Speaker 35 I have gone by many names.

Speaker 32 Oh, good.

Speaker 57 I'd like to sell my soul in exchange for being the best there's ever been.

Speaker 32 Okay, guitar or fiddle?

Speaker 6 Tuba.

Speaker 7 Stop, stop it, stop it. I thought

Speaker 22 maybe it would be a different instrument. This is the

Speaker 3 same sketch.

Speaker 59 I don't...

Speaker 25 All right, I'm sorry.

Speaker 17 Maybe you didn't like my other ruling where I was like, you're both funny.

Speaker 23 Maybe you really need to know who's funnier.

Speaker 48 Okay, I respect that.

Speaker 4 So let me just say that

Speaker 15 the sketches are great.

Speaker 9 I would say they both need work, honestly. But

Speaker 6 if I had to say it, I think,

Speaker 17 I'm sorry, Rob, but I do think that James is a little funnier.

Speaker 20 The 2-1 is a little bit funnier, just by a hair, but

Speaker 26 that's not important.

Speaker 4 But if you must know, I rule in James's favor.

Speaker 46 Sorry, you had to come back to hear that.

Speaker 8 Thank you, James and Rob.

Speaker 8 Swift Justice continues. Please welcome to the stage James and Rob.
James brings the case against his colleague Rob. They're both members of the legendary Bay Area Sketch Comedy Group Casper Hauser.

Speaker 33 Wait, hold on.

Speaker 8 Judge Hodgman, I know what it is.

Speaker 13 What? What's happening?

Speaker 8 It's a groundhog day. We're in a groundhog day.

Speaker 33 It's a groundhog day.

Speaker 24 I forgot about that.

Speaker 19 Okay.

Speaker 51 Thank you so much for having us on the show.

Speaker 19 Okay.

Speaker 19 No.

Speaker 11 Oops.

Speaker 49 Better keep it together, Rob.

Speaker 20 You're going to do this whole bit again, aren't you?

Speaker 9 Yes.

Speaker 54 We've brought two versions of an unperformed Casper Hauser sketch.

Speaker 54 Now, I like the first one better. Rob likes the second one better.

Speaker 51 This disagreement is the reason why neither has ever

Speaker 24 performed. Stop it.

Speaker 6 Stop it. Stop.

Speaker 38 Stop.

Speaker 22 I understand now we're in a groundhog day loop.

Speaker 24 So I guess I got to learn something about myself or I got to like grow in some way to get out of this.

Speaker 7 I mean, I already said you were both funny.

Speaker 37 I said one of you is funnier.

Speaker 13 I mean, why is this happening?

Speaker 57 Maybe you're being punished for outsourcing a whole segment of comedy instead of coming up with something new yourself.

Speaker 55 It has to be.

Speaker 46 You just brought in local talent.

Speaker 41 Yeah.

Speaker 7 Look, it's harsh but fair.

Speaker 19 But you have to understand,

Speaker 14 look around you. Nothing is funny anymore.

Speaker 26 I just can't write comedy.

Speaker 4 I'm just crying inside all the time.

Speaker 13 So yes, I admit it.

Speaker 4 I brought you in because you're sociopathic enough to be funny in these times, and I'm not.

Speaker 4 And I just want to get through the show so I can get back to my hotel room and eat pork cracklings and watch Jenny Nicholson videos about Galactic Star Cruiser, which is the only thing that brings me any pleasure right now because my kids have grown up and left, and I just want to stare in the middle distance and cry all the time.

Speaker 4 Okay, so I'm being honest with you now.

Speaker 27 Is that enough?

Speaker 48 Does that break the curse?

Speaker 11 Not

Speaker 7 so. How do I get out of this?

Speaker 49 I can think of a Oh.

Speaker 41 Oh, no.

Speaker 13 He's back. Let me ask,

Speaker 41 are you the devil?

Speaker 35 I have gone by many names.

Speaker 19 Okay, okay, okay.

Speaker 4 So what? I gotta sell my soul to get out of this Ground Dog debut?

Speaker 32 Hmm.

Speaker 51 And anything else you desire?

Speaker 24 Oh,

Speaker 24 well,

Speaker 4 I have always kind of wanted to be the best it's ever been.

Speaker 24 Guitar or fiddle.

Speaker 60 Well, I got a big song coming up, so ukulele.

Speaker 49 Oh, here we go again.

Speaker 8 Rob Bedeker and James Richmond, everybody.

Speaker 59 I'll sign it.

Speaker 8 Check out Robin James' classic sketch comedy group, Kasperhauser. The entire Casperhauser comedy podcast is available at maximumfund.org and in your favorite podcast app.

Speaker 8 And you can buy their many books, including their legendary Sky Mall, Happy Crap You Can Buy from a Plane.

Speaker 61 Hello, I'm your Judge John Hodgman. The Judge John Hodgin podcast is brought to you every week by you, our members, of course.

Speaker 61 Thank you so much for your support of this podcast and all of your favorite podcasts at maximumfund.org, and they are all your favorites.

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Speaker 8 San Francisco, are you ready for mega justice?

Speaker 8 Let's bring out our litigants please welcome to the stage Yael and Connor

Speaker 8 tonight's case why don't we get drunk and sue Yael brings the case against his friend Connor Yael runs a weekly trivia night at Connor's bar Yael is a lifelong parrot head He wants to host a Jimmy Buffett trivia night to commemorate the second anniversary of Buffett's passing.

Speaker 8 But Connor has only only one rule. No Jimmy Buffett.

Speaker 8 Who's right, who's wrong, and who's trying to reason with hurricane season?

Speaker 8 Only one can decide. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman enters the courtroom and delivers an obscure cultural reference.

Speaker 12 Here is my philosophy.

Speaker 13 Up with life.

Speaker 7 Stamp out all small and large indignities.

Speaker 17 Leave everyone alone to make it without pressure.

Speaker 14 Down with hurting.

Speaker 30 Lower the standard of living.

Speaker 12 Do without plastics.

Speaker 17 Smash the servo mechanisms.

Speaker 22 Stop grabbing.

Speaker 52 Snuff the breeze and hug the kids.

Speaker 6 Love all love.

Speaker 19 Hate all hate.

Speaker 7 Bailiff Jesse Thorne, please swear the litigants in.

Speaker 8 Yael and Connor, please rise and raise your right hands. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so so help you, God, or whatever?

Speaker 9 Yes.

Speaker 8 Do you swear to abide by Judge John Hodgman's ruling, despite the fact that his favorite Jimmy Buffett song is The Piano Has Been Drinking, Not Me, by Tom Waits?

Speaker 8 Judge Hodgman, you may proceed.

Speaker 22 You have identified a similar polarizing aspect of those two artists.

Speaker 64 Yael and Connor, you may be seated.

Speaker 8 They both agree that it's five o'clock somewhere.

Speaker 4 Yael and Connor, you may be seated for an immediate summary judgment in one of your favors. Can either of you name the piece of culture that I referenced as I entered this courtroom?

Speaker 12 Connor, let's start with you.

Speaker 22 You're closer to me, correct? You are Connor? I am Connor. Welcome, Connor.

Speaker 47 What is your guess?

Speaker 56 I believe that is a quote from Blue Planet, David Attenborough, during Planet Earth.

Speaker 40 I love the acting that you're giving to this piece.

Speaker 30 I believe that's a quote from, hmm, is it Blue Planet?

Speaker 36 Which David Attenborough is it?

Speaker 7 Well, it's a very good guess.

Speaker 21 I'm going to write that down.

Speaker 7 Yeah, Elle, it falls to you.

Speaker 52 What is your guess?

Speaker 34 He could be right.

Speaker 33 He could be wrong.

Speaker 65 I'm going to guess that it's from Jimmy Buffett's novel, A Salty Piece of Lamb.

Speaker 65 And that in preparation for this, you read the whole thing.

Speaker 6 I absolutely did not.

Speaker 63 I did not know that that was a novel. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 64 But all guesses are wrong.

Speaker 7 It was actually from a novel called A Tan and Sandy Silence by John D.

Speaker 30 McDonald, one of 21 Travis McGee novels featuring the beach bum and houseboat denizen of Fort Lauderdale and problem solver Travis McGee, who is referenced in Witch Jimmy Buffett's song, Ya'el, Travis McGee.

Speaker 65 Good question.

Speaker 65 I can't think of it off the top of my head.

Speaker 7 It's the first two lines.

Speaker 4 Travis McGee is still in Cedar Key. That's what John D.
McDonald said.

Speaker 22 The song comes out in 1981.

Speaker 65 1981. Okay.
So it's not, it's on Barometer Soup, but it's.

Speaker 44 I don't know the name of the song.

Speaker 46 Barometer Soup.

Speaker 42 Come on.

Speaker 65 I don't know. Yeah.
I can't tell you.

Speaker 17 Let me give you another one.

Speaker 22 See if you can catch this cultural reference.

Speaker 38 All right. I'll give you another shot.

Speaker 20 Give you another shot.

Speaker 15 This one's really short.

Speaker 23 Has a good ring to it, don't you think?

Speaker 20 Has a good ring to it, don't you think?

Speaker 4 This one is very recent from January 31st, 2025. Has a good ring to it, don't you think?

Speaker 19 You got it, Connor? You got a guess?

Speaker 56 That was Trump referring to the Gulf of America?

Speaker 10 Very close.

Speaker 39 Very close, but I would never bring that up in this room because I want us all to have a good time.

Speaker 24 We have to do 45 more minutes of comedy, dude.

Speaker 22 In fact,

Speaker 7 It was what we used to call a tweet

Speaker 40 back when we thought the internet was good and not terrible for everyone.

Speaker 4 It was a tweet sent from Jimmy Buffett's account from the grave.

Speaker 24 Yeah.

Speaker 10 I was going to say.

Speaker 5 And it accompanied a photo of the Gulf of Mexico, but the Gulf of Mexico had been renamed Gulf of Margaritaville.

Speaker 49 Ah!

Speaker 7 Well, I gave you two shots and you lost both of them, so we must hear this trial. Who seeks justice in this?

Speaker 8 Wait, John, do you know what my stock guess would have been?

Speaker 9 No, I don't.

Speaker 8 The Jimmy Buffett song, Math Sucks, which is a real Jimmy Buffett song. Yeah.
It's spelled S-U-K-S.

Speaker 44 Math.

Speaker 8 And you know what it's about, John?

Speaker 19 Math sucking?

Speaker 22 Yeah, it's about math sucking.

Speaker 8 The whole song is just about that. It's about how much he hates math.
That's all.

Speaker 22 That's fair.

Speaker 7 I can't do subtraction, so maybe I'm a Jimmy Buffett fan after all.

Speaker 7 I've never been a parrot head myself, but I am parrot curious.

Speaker 66 Yeah.

Speaker 66 It's a good lifestyle.

Speaker 19 Okay. Yel, tell me me about the lifestyle.

Speaker 9 Yeah, it's very different.

Speaker 65 It doesn't necessarily include, you know, polyamorous connections the way that the lifestyle you were referring to is, but it's more about an escapism and a sense of the beach and the sea and having a good time and all of that, right?

Speaker 65 And this is a culture that I was raised in, and I host trivia at Connor's Bar now. I often find a Jimmy Buffett song makes sense for a music round.
Connor will scoff at me whenever I play it.

Speaker 65 He goes, ah, no, Buffett. That's the rule.
No Buffett.

Speaker 65 It's his one rule.

Speaker 67 But, you know,

Speaker 65 it's tough for me to.

Speaker 44 That's your one rule in your bar.

Speaker 7 Underage drinking is fine.

Speaker 24 Fighting.

Speaker 48 The only rule that I make, not the law.

Speaker 7 Okay, I understand. Yeah.

Speaker 32 So you own a bar here in San Francisco?

Speaker 64 Yeah. And we'll go ahead and say the name of the bar because I know this whole thing is just a wine bar.

Speaker 19 Red Tail

Speaker 28 beer and wine bar.

Speaker 65 Correct. Tuesdays at 7.30.
All right.

Speaker 13 Always be plugging.

Speaker 63 I admire your hustle.

Speaker 19 Okay.

Speaker 25 And you don't like Jimmy Buffett.

Speaker 9 I do not. No.

Speaker 5 Tell me why you hate the lucky.

Speaker 56 So I feel like with Jimmy Buffett and a lot of... Artists of that era, you know, I didn't grow up with it.
My parents didn't know it.

Speaker 56 My introduction to Jimmy Buffett was working crappy retail jobs where they would play the same radio station every day on repeat. Yeah.

Speaker 48 And so you would just get stuck stocking yogurt listening to Margaritaville

Speaker 39 every day.

Speaker 9 You just felt like you were wasting away.

Speaker 24 Yeah.

Speaker 40 It's like you cut your brain on a pop-top.

Speaker 34 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 56 You're listening to Cheeseburger in Paradise, Wild in Hell. You know, like, it's, you're just, it's not a good time.
Gotcha. And as a result, like Jimmy Buffett just in my head, burrowed in there.

Speaker 56 And it's just like, I can't, like, whatever it is, I just can't stand his style of singing, songwriting, performance.

Speaker 48 And then it's not for you. It's not for me.
And then the fact that.

Speaker 8 Can I tell you what? I totally relate to you. I worked at Macy's when that LFO song came out, and Chinese Food Still makes me sick.

Speaker 56 There's like, there's just something in my brain that, but, and then the fact that he went on to make his favorite, his number one song, a chain restaurant, to be enjoyed in only the most miserable places in the world.

Speaker 41 Like,

Speaker 56 yeah, like Cancun.

Speaker 56 Is there one in Cancun? Yeah. I know there's a lot of them in the Midwest where there's not a lot of sun.

Speaker 22 Yeah, but that's where you go.

Speaker 63 That's where you go for the Chat Island lifestyle.

Speaker 22 To waste away.

Speaker 32 Yeah.

Speaker 45 Yeah.

Speaker 40 You know, you own a bar, too.

Speaker 32 Yeah.

Speaker 56 It's beer and wine. It's classy.

Speaker 24 Okay.

Speaker 47 Saying Margaritaville is not classy.

Speaker 66 I've never been.

Speaker 56 We should go.

Speaker 10 Because me either. We could have fun.

Speaker 7 This is one of those moments in life where I have to make a choice.

Speaker 39 Do I agree to go with a perfect stranger to a margaritaville, even though we both acknowledge we don't really like Jimmy Buffett very much?

Speaker 10 The content's there.

Speaker 45 Connor, all right.

Speaker 11 Deal.

Speaker 41 We'll make it happen.

Speaker 59 We'll make it happen.

Speaker 24 By the way, John, happy anniversary.

Speaker 31 Yael,

Speaker 21 you might be invited, depending on how this goes for you.

Speaker 5 So you host you're an employee of Connors.

Speaker 44 I'm a I'm a contractor.

Speaker 4 Okay. Oh, so you just host the trivia.

Speaker 65 I only host the trivia there. I do trivia at a lot of other places.
I'm a professional trivia host.

Speaker 32 Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 30 Even though you got my two questions wrong, you are.

Speaker 67 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 32 What was the song, by the way?

Speaker 65 You never said the title of the song.

Speaker 22 Incommunicator.

Speaker 65 Incommunicato. Of course it was.

Speaker 49 Okay.

Speaker 66 I knew it was on barometer soup.

Speaker 6 Okay. That's why I also host trivia and don't partake in trivia.

Speaker 39 And I like, I like pretending to to be smart because it's the rule that I am the smartest one of the trivia.

Speaker 8 I'll tell you this: it wouldn't matter what you said the name of the song or album was because they all sound like a joke Jimmy Buffett song or album.

Speaker 64 Yes, it is.

Speaker 5 It is, it avoids parody by being self-parody.

Speaker 28 It's one of the, I think, sort of charming things about Jimmy Buffett.

Speaker 65 That's what's nice about it. Yeah, I mean, look at how I'm dressed.

Speaker 7 I was just about to point out how you were dressed.

Speaker 14 For those who are not in this room with us, perhaps listening at home, Yahle is wearing what looks like tropical pajamas.

Speaker 8 He also appears to have margarita-themed croc.

Speaker 65 These are official margaritaville croc gibbets that I am wearing.

Speaker 65 And here's the thing. I came here with the lime, the ice cubes, and the shaker of salt.
And at some point tonight, I lost the shaker of salt.

Speaker 65 So there is a shaker of salt crock gibbets somewhere in this theater

Speaker 65 that I legitimately lost right before coming up on stage.

Speaker 12 Whoever finds that lost shaker of salt gets a free t-shirt, Judge Johnny.

Speaker 40 Or you can get Yael's tropical pajamas if it'll take them off.

Speaker 48 It's all part of the lifestyle.

Speaker 32 Sure.

Speaker 4 I mean,

Speaker 32 is this something that you enjoy truly or ironically?

Speaker 65 Oh, no, absolutely enjoy it truly. On my way getting ready today, my wife's in the audience.
She could tell you. I was showering.
There she is.

Speaker 65 I was showering and listening to Jimmy Buffett songs and singing at the top of my lungs, like getting ready for tonight.

Speaker 10 I wholeheartedly love

Speaker 65 dressing like this, acting like a fool, listening to this music.

Speaker 65 If there is a margaritaville in a city that I'm visiting, I want to go find it.

Speaker 44 Like, I love it.

Speaker 40 And so, you want to do a full night of Jimmy Buffett trivia?

Speaker 65 That's correct. I want to honor the master in a way that only somebody who has been a fan of his since birth could

Speaker 65 with a full trivia night at the red tail that would be Jimmy Buffett-themed.

Speaker 49 I don't want to be rude here, but

Speaker 8 of what would you say was he a master?

Speaker 24 He

Speaker 8 I'm genuinely capitalism.

Speaker 65 He is the, well, yes,

Speaker 65 yes.

Speaker 41 Wait a minute.

Speaker 65 Capitalism, yes.

Speaker 65 He is the quintessential bard of beachism.

Speaker 44 He is the bard of boomerism.

Speaker 66 Sure, yeah, yeah, fine, yeah.

Speaker 65 A lot of people, well, that's the thing. A lot of people associate Buffett just with the, like, this one kind of boomer, right?

Speaker 45 Right.

Speaker 65 But where I'm from San Diego, I'm from this particular neighborhood in San Diego called Ocean Beach, where it's all, it's the Grateful Dead and Jimmy Buffett all day, every day.

Speaker 65 And no matter who you are, that's what you're getting. Like, that is what you are enjoying.

Speaker 67 And it is earnest.

Speaker 65 Our love for Jimmy Buffett is earnest because we are living in this beach paradise. Whereas, like, there's a lot of, like you were saying, there's a lot of Margaritavilles in Midwest towns.

Speaker 65 There's a lot of parrot heads who are just old boomers.

Speaker 65 There is some,

Speaker 65 what's the word I'm looking for?

Speaker 67 Artifice

Speaker 65 in some people enjoying Buffett in a perceived way that it's just associated with boomerism.

Speaker 67 But

Speaker 65 what it really is at the end of the day is just a true expression of beach life.

Speaker 19 All right.

Speaker 9 I let you speak for a while.

Speaker 12 Yeah, Elle, I let you speak for a long time there.

Speaker 32 You did.

Speaker 45 First because we knew it was a boys' camp.

Speaker 22 First, because I was trying to open this bottle of water and I was having trouble.

Speaker 33 I was paying attention to that.

Speaker 4 And then I realized I couldn't stop you until you came to your

Speaker 22 natural rousing conclusion.

Speaker 47 And I just want to be clear that when I say, you know,

Speaker 19 the bard of boomerism,

Speaker 23 I'm no young person.

Speaker 60 And I'm a true dad myself.

Speaker 13 And I'm pointing a finger at myself. But I have always identified Buffett with a kind of a dad aesthetic.

Speaker 7 Sure.

Speaker 25 A kind of middlebrow. I get one week of vacation a year.

Speaker 47 So I'm going to go down to an island.

Speaker 48 I'm going to listen to Jimmy Buffett and pretend that I'm free before I go back to the shackles of my job.

Speaker 10 And that's what he made his money.

Speaker 65 Like when we talk about capitalism, that's the

Speaker 65 lifestyle that he sold was that exactly what you're talking about. This moment of escapism, of I'm starting my vacation early.
It's five o'clock somewhere. Let's go.
Right.

Speaker 65 And that appeals to so many people because, like you said, so much of capitalism is about drudgery. He was selling fun and this escape.

Speaker 65 you know, and this, this, this way that you could have a good time.

Speaker 22 Sure. I understand.

Speaker 36 Okay.

Speaker 7 Connor, has Yael ever tried to sneak Buffett into the bar before?

Speaker 10 Uh, yeah.

Speaker 30 And uh

Speaker 21 explain what happened and how did you counteract it?

Speaker 56 Uh, so he's pretty smart in using uh tracks that normal, like Jimmy Buffett tracks that normal people would have never heard before.

Speaker 47 So, this would be like during a music round of a regular general trivia.

Speaker 56 Yeah, that's how he normally formats it. He'll play a minute of a song, you guess the artist's title, right?

Speaker 49 You name it, right?

Speaker 56 But yeah, and so he will sneak one in because in the miasma of you know, 12 songs minute at a time, it's kind of easy to sneak in a little acoustic.

Speaker 56 But it is, but every time that he then reveals it.

Speaker 8 Man of a thousand voices over here.

Speaker 56 Every time he then reveals it's Buffett, he has to deal with my chagrin of like, come on, man, we have one rule. Like, it's, we have so much fun.

Speaker 9 There's just this one rule.

Speaker 49 Like, please.

Speaker 34 Why can't you abide by the one rule, Yahoo?

Speaker 9 I am an artist, Judge.

Speaker 24 I.

Speaker 65 I cannot be censored.

Speaker 65 If you try to take the Buffett away from me, you are taking away a core part of what makes me the draw at this trivia night. People come for me.
You need to have me in the full expression of me.

Speaker 24 Don't worry.

Speaker 17 I think there's no other way to get you

Speaker 7 than in the full expression of Yahel.

Speaker 4 And I mean, there's part of me that wants to believe that you have oppositional defiance disorder.

Speaker 22 And because there's the one rule, that's why you love Jimmy Buffett.

Speaker 22 But you claim to have been a Buffett fan since birth, which I guess means you were birthed in a birthing pool full of like Corona Light or something.

Speaker 65 Yeah.

Speaker 65 My parents literally did like play Buffett to me like from the record player when I was in the womb. So I have always been a Buffett fan.

Speaker 8 John, he explained he was born in a birthing pool of Corona Light, San Diego.

Speaker 47 Are you concerned, Connor, that you'd be losing control of the theme and the vibe of your bar if it became a Jimmy Buffett bar even one night?

Speaker 56 It's a floodgate.

Speaker 56 Once you start letting the parrot heads in, who's next?

Speaker 38 I've done a few floodgates. Bungalow swim-up bar in Jamaica myself.

Speaker 56 Is Kiss Army? Are we going to start appealing to?

Speaker 22 That sounds fine.

Speaker 44 It's a different kind of boomerism right there.

Speaker 5 Can you make a capitalist argument since we're talking about Jimmy Buffett's capitalism?

Speaker 44 Yeah.

Speaker 17 That do you think an audience will come?

Speaker 65 I absolutely do think an audience will come. Well, I think that people will come to our trivia regardless.

Speaker 65 We have a very well-attended trivia, so I'm not worried about that, but I think that we could open up the red tail to new audiences by advertising, hey, we're doing this Jimmy Buffett trivia night.

Speaker 65 People who might not have thought to come to Redtail before, but are interested in

Speaker 65 the margaritaville aesthetic might want to come hang out for that night.

Speaker 10 And their honor doesn't want them there.

Speaker 56 And I don't sell margaritas.

Speaker 65 Parrot heads have

Speaker 65 dimensions.

Speaker 66 They have facets.

Speaker 65 They contain multitudes.

Speaker 10 Your Honor.

Speaker 8 You can put salt on the rim of a nice Pina Gregio.

Speaker 65 We have sold a margarita sour in the past. That was like a margarita flavored beer.

Speaker 60 Surely there's another bar in San Francisco where you could do a Jimmy Buffett.

Speaker 19 Oh, yes, of course.

Speaker 44 Yeah, of course there is.

Speaker 5 So why don't you?

Speaker 65 This is not the only bar you use trivia.

Speaker 22 And you are friends.

Speaker 44 Yes, right? Yeah.

Speaker 4 Connor, you will stipulate to the fact that Yael is your friend?

Speaker 56 Yes, Your Honor.

Speaker 4 How would you feel if you did a Jimmy Buffett Margarita Ville trivia night?

Speaker 56 I think I might come down with COVID that day.

Speaker 27 Well, no one would ask you to go see it, but how would you feel?

Speaker 40 Would you feel betrayed?

Speaker 21 Would you feel angry, or would you be like, I'm glad that's not in my bar?

Speaker 56 All right. So I was thinking about this, and the way that I would be cool with it is Jimmy Buffett passed away from a complication with skin cancer.

Speaker 56 If we were to do a Jimmy Buffett night that raised money for skin cancer awareness, let's go.

Speaker 59 That seems like a pretty reasonable.

Speaker 59 Yeah.

Speaker 28 All right. What am I even doing here?

Speaker 45 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 10 You never told me that.

Speaker 39 That's a better idea than I had than the dumb idea I had to settle this.

Speaker 21 But I'm going to give you my idea, too.

Speaker 17 Just as soon as I go into my chambers, think about this.

Speaker 30 I'll be back in a moment with my verdict.

Speaker 8 Please rise as Judge John Hodgman exits the courtroom. Can I tell you guys a story from my own career?

Speaker 10 Please, please.

Speaker 8 So, years ago,

Speaker 8 I very nearly accidentally

Speaker 8 scored like the first interview with Bill Withers in about 20 years, the great singer-songwriter of you know Lovely Day and Lean on Me and all those other amazing hits.

Speaker 8 And yes, he had other songs. We're not just gonna

Speaker 43 choose me!

Speaker 8 Harlem, that's one of my favorites.

Speaker 24 Okay, anyway.

Speaker 8 And I went and interviewed him. He had been been out of the music industry at that point for like 25 years.
He quit the music business in the early 1980s. And I was talking to him.

Speaker 8 He had very passionate reasons to have quit, having to do with the way that the industry exploited artists, especially black artists. And

Speaker 8 as I was talking to him about that, I alluded to him having been out of the business for however many years, because he hadn't put out a record since just the two of us.

Speaker 8 And he said, well, I'm not out of the business. And I said, oh yeah? And he said, well, a few years ago, I wrote a song for a friend of mine's album.
And I said, who's that, soul legend Bill Withers?

Speaker 8 And he said, Jimmy Buffett?

Speaker 8 That's like the one thing that Bill Withers did in the last 25 years was write a song for his friend Jimmy Buffett.

Speaker 8 Anyway, the reason I bring this up is if you ever want to see, if you ever want to connect with Jimmy Buffett and you're not a parrot head, you can go search on internet video sites for the tribute that Jimmy Buffett did to Bill Withers when Bill Withers passed away because they were indeed very deep, close friends.

Speaker 8 The reason being, Jimmy Buffett was a good-ass dude. Yeah.

Speaker 9 Anyway,

Speaker 8 how are you feeling about your chances, Yael?

Speaker 65 I, you know, I think that I'm just going to take it whatever way it comes, you know, changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes, you know.

Speaker 42 Okay.

Speaker 65 Nothing remains quite the same in life, you know. You got to just, I'll accept what the judge gives, you know?

Speaker 8 know? Connor, how are you feeling about your chances?

Speaker 44 Math sucks.

Speaker 24 Quack, quack.

Speaker 56 Well, it's hard to match the passion to my right, but I think my solid stance is secure.

Speaker 8 Well, we'll see what Judge Hodgman has to say about all this in just a moment.

Speaker 68 Hey, I'm Jay Keith Van Stratton from GoFack Yourself, and I'm here with Max Fun member of the month, Josh Mentor, who has been a Maximum Fun member since 2016. Hello, Josh.

Speaker 69 Hey, Jay Keith, how you doing today?

Speaker 68 I'm so well. And thank you so much for being a listener and supporter of our show.
What made you decide to support Max Fun in general and to support our show Go Fact Yourself?

Speaker 69 Jordan Morris on Jordan Jesse Go has a thing that he likes to say, which is, you know, you tip your bartender a buck of beer, you tip your podcaster a buck a month.

Speaker 69 You know, I get way more use out of Max Fun podcasts than I do like Disney Plus or Netflix.

Speaker 68 Well, it's something we very much appreciate. And by the way, when was the last time Netflix selected you as a member of the month?

Speaker 69 Exactly.

Speaker 68 Exactly. Josh Mentor, congratulations and thank you again for being the Max Fun member of the month.

Speaker 69 Thanks so much, guys.

Speaker 18 Become a Max Fun member now at maximumfun.org/slash join.

Speaker 62 Walking About is the podcast about walking. It's a walkumentary series where I, Alan McLeod, and a a fun, friendly guest go for a walkabout.

Speaker 62 You'll learn about interesting people and places and have the kind of conversations you can only have on foot. We've got guests like Lauren Lapkis.

Speaker 18 I figured something out about this map.

Speaker 11 Like how to read it.

Speaker 62 Betsy Sedaro. I had no key.
That's awesome and nuts.

Speaker 70 John Gabris.

Speaker 1 This is like great first date for like broke 20 something, you know?

Speaker 62 And more.

Speaker 62 Check out Walkin' About with Alan McLeod on Maximum Fun.

Speaker 1 It's the Judge John Hodgman podcast. We're taking a break from the stage.

Speaker 1 We are going to return to that stage for SF Sketchfest 2026. Tickets are on sale now.

Speaker 1 The show is January 18th at 7.30 p.m. at Marines Memorial, which is one of our favorite places to play in San Francisco.

Speaker 3 It's the first place we ever played Sketchfest, and I'm so happy to be back in our house at Marines Memorial Theater.

Speaker 3 It's a great theater right there in San Francisco, downtown streets of San Francisco, I think they call it rice-arony. Point is 7:30 p.m., nice early show.
You're going to love it.

Speaker 3 sfsketchfest.com is where you go get tickets. Or, as always, you can go to maximumfund.org slash events where you see tickets for all of our and all the other Max Fun shows.

Speaker 3 If you have cases for our San Francisco show coming up in January, won't you let us know? Send them right now to maximumfund.org slash JJHO.

Speaker 66 You don't have to live in San Francisco.

Speaker 1 The whole Bay Area is acceptable. El Cerrito? Yeah, absolutely.
Richmond, California? Yes, thank you. Hillsboro? Why not? All these places are wonderful.
Look, I don't care if you live in Campbell.

Speaker 1 If you live in Campbell, go to maximumfund.org slash JJHO and submit a case.

Speaker 3 And I dare say the Sketchfest is such an incredible experience overall that if you're in some other part of the world, it is absolutely worth a trip to see some of your favorite comedy, including Judge John Hodgman on January 18th.

Speaker 26 So please.

Speaker 3 sfsketchfest.com for tickets or maximumfund.org slash events. And if you're in doubt, send it out.

Speaker 3 Send your dispute to maximumfund.org slash JJHO and let us know if you're going to be in San Francisco. Jesse, we've got some new merch, right?

Speaker 1 It's incredible. It's all at maxfundstore.com.
You know, every episode I say who's right, who's wrong? Only one can decide.

Speaker 1 This holiday season, we have decided to expand that offering to anyone who buys one of our hats that say right or wrong on them.

Speaker 3 They are

Speaker 1 old-fashioned 1980s corduroy style baseball caps. One says right and one says wrong.

Speaker 1 So, whether it's a gift for someone in your life who you love and is always wrong, or whether you always want to be right, or the other way around, maxfunstore.com. We also have a brand new candle.

Speaker 3 Scented candle for the holidays. It's got a beautiful, fresh, clean smell that we call the smell of justice.

Speaker 1 And we have cozy goth sweatsuits available now at maxfunstore.com for all you cozy goths out there.

Speaker 3 We're talking about an incredibly cozy sweatshirt and matching sweatpants set with an amazing illustration of two delightful cozy goths getting cozy by the goth fire.

Speaker 3 That's by Tom DJ at Bossman Graphics. And of course, the label for our scented candle, this is the scent of a candle, it says, is by Aaron Draplin the Amazing.

Speaker 3 And it's all there at maxfunstore.com for you now. Stuff some of that in your stocking.

Speaker 3 You could do some Judge John Hodgman role play, get a couple of right and wrong caps, hand them out to your family when you know whether they're being right or wrong.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think that that's perfect. Pass them around like the conch in Lord of the Flies.

Speaker 3 Yeah, instead of a lump of coal in the stocking, just put a wrong cap in there.

Speaker 1 Love it.

Speaker 3 So that's all at maxfunstore.com.

Speaker 1 And if you want to buy something special, antique, a treasure, some jewelry, a handmade pocket square or scarf,

Speaker 1 one of our special caps, go to putthison shop.com where I have all kinds of wonderful things. And those holiday orders are pouring in, and most of this stuff is one of a kind.

Speaker 1 So make your way over to putthisonshop.com and grab something special.

Speaker 27 Let's get back to the show.

Speaker 8 Please rise as Judge John Hodgman re-enters the courtroom and presents his verdict.

Speaker 4 First of all, I want to say I appreciate Bailiff Jesse Thorne's full-throated endorsement of Jimmy Buffett as a cool dude and his defense of Jimmy Buffett as an artist, even though he's not some that you listen to or I necessarily listen to.

Speaker 7 I really appreciated that.

Speaker 47 even though it was very painful crouching down behind this

Speaker 38 lectern as it went on and on about it.

Speaker 5 But I really appreciate

Speaker 19 it

Speaker 7 because it's something that I feel too. I mean,

Speaker 7 one of the foundational tenets of the Court of Judge John Hodgman is you like what you like.

Speaker 4 And not everything is for everyone.

Speaker 25 You know, you do not like Tom Waits.

Speaker 30 I really love Tom Waits.

Speaker 14 I get why you don't like him. I love him.

Speaker 4 I have the Tom Waits receptor gene.

Speaker 34 You do not.

Speaker 21 I do not have the Bob Dylan receptor gene, even though they're both funny singers.

Speaker 4 And even though I acknowledge that Bruce Springsteen is a genius artist who I can appreciate in the abstract, I'm a Tom Waits jersey girl guy, not a Bruce Springsteen jersey girl guy.

Speaker 43 That's just how I am.

Speaker 7 And similarly, Jimmy Buffett has never quite done it for me, in part because I had a kind of a juvenile association of his work with these kind of dads that I was contemptuous of because I was afraid of becoming that person.

Speaker 60 But, But, you know, I really love the fact that Jimmy Buffett quoted or, you know, made reference to Travis McGee and John D.

Speaker 12 McDonald because over the past eight years or so, I discovered the Travis McGee books and I absolutely love these novels.

Speaker 19 And they're in print and you can read them.

Speaker 4 There's definitely some dated stuff in them. There are 21 of them.
They started, they're crime novels starting in the mid-60s and going to the early 80s.

Speaker 17 And there's definitely some stuff that doesn't age particularly well.

Speaker 12 But one thing that ages really, really well is Travis McGee's philosophy of life.

Speaker 12 He is a guy who won a houseboat in a poker game and lives on it, and he is dropped out of a society that he considers to be increasingly corrupt and venal and small and awful.

Speaker 12 And I think that Jimmy Buffett recognized that same impulse, that desire to look around you and say, I choose for myself pleasures that are deep and meaningful to me that I don't, and I don't accept the pleasures that society says I should feel.

Speaker 4 And there's a lot to leave behind.

Speaker 37 And I just want to, I mean, like, this quote I think is really important for me to reread again

Speaker 52 these days.

Speaker 4 This thing of like, up with life, stamp out all small and large indignities, leave everyone alone to make it without pressure.

Speaker 13 Love all love, hate all hate.

Speaker 47 There is that in Jimmy Buffett as well that I have to acknowledge and respect, you know, and so I appreciate that.

Speaker 46 I don't want to listen to these songs. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 19 They are bad.

Speaker 7 They're just, they're not, they're not for me.

Speaker 7 And I, and I have to say that if I didn't know you, Yael, and your incredible enthusiasm, if I saw that the red-tailed beer and wine bar was having a Jimmy Buffett trivia night, I would plan to be out of town

Speaker 30 for fear that I might accidentally walk into the bar.

Speaker 38 But I am schooled and I am learning and I appreciate that you like him.

Speaker 19 And indeed, I know people who love his work, people who I respect very, very, very much, who love his work and loved the man.

Speaker 7 And in fact, the idea that I had to settle this was to challenge, not to go by my wisdom, but to do a classic trial by trivia.

Speaker 7 So we reached out to one of our friends who is actually someone who knew Jimmy Buffett

Speaker 34 and knows a lot about Jimmy Buffett

Speaker 7 to submit four Jimmy Buffett trivia questions

Speaker 21 for you to answer.

Speaker 28 Okay.

Speaker 21 And I'm going to say if you can get three, I'm going to even say if you can get two out of four.

Speaker 9 Two out of four. Okay.

Speaker 32 Two out of four.

Speaker 24 Oh boy.

Speaker 40 Then you've got your night.

Speaker 28 All right.

Speaker 21 And if you don't get them, you're out of luck.

Speaker 50 I hear you.

Speaker 4 Yeah. So

Speaker 7 can we hear the first question from our guest?

Speaker 70 Hello, everybody. Hello, Judge Hodgman.
Thank you for having me here as an expert witness. This is so flattering.

Speaker 70 My name is Justin McElroy. I was a close personal friend of Jimmy Buffett's, by which I mean he texted me at least four times.

Speaker 70 And one time, I sat next to him during Hamilton and listened to him sing all of Hamilton because he knew every word.

Speaker 62 I miss him. What a dad.

Speaker 70 I have four trivia questions for you. The last one's a bonus if you need it.
I don't know. Here we go.

Speaker 70 Jimmy Buffett, while working for Billboard, is credited with breaking the story of what musical duos split.

Speaker 70 That question again. Jimmy Buffett, while working for Billboard, is credited with breaking the story of what musical duos split.

Speaker 66 Simon and Garfunkel?

Speaker 7 Is that no? I'm sorry.

Speaker 70 We were looking for Lester Flatt and Earl Scrubs.

Speaker 45 Wow.

Speaker 65 Justin, are you here?

Speaker 17 No, he's in West Virginia.

Speaker 10 Yeah, right?

Speaker 44 Yeah.

Speaker 47 Just send this through technology.

Speaker 4 I believe that this was Justin and Lynn and Jimmy Buffett maybe at the premiere of the Margaritaville

Speaker 65 Escape from Margaritaville.

Speaker 60 Yeah, in Chicago. I was invited to go to that with them, but I couldn't.

Speaker 8 You know what they say? It's 9 a.m.

Speaker 38 somewhere.

Speaker 60 I realize now the better version of that was I was invited to go to that with them, but I didn't.

Speaker 65 Hey, fun fact about Justin McElroy, he has this exact outfit. I've seen him wear it in My Brother, My Brother, and me videos before.

Speaker 32 Oh, well, there you go.

Speaker 22 Let's go to the next question then.

Speaker 70 Next question. Jimmy Buffett wrote the theme song to a TV series that only had eight episodes in production, only six of which ever aired.

Speaker 70 That's the same number as My Brother, My Brother, and Me on Cecil.

Speaker 70 What was the name of that short-lived series? Not My Brother, My Brother, and Me, the other one that Jimmy Buffett wrote the themes on before.

Speaker 50 Oh, boy.

Speaker 40 Do you think you you do you have an answer?

Speaker 22 No.

Speaker 65 I mean like I can think of like a love boat spin-off or something like that.

Speaker 32 That would be pretty cool.

Speaker 24 Harper's Island.

Speaker 4 I'll tell you what it involves a recreational vehicle.

Speaker 32 I've never seen it. Is it called RV?

Speaker 34 It is not. Justin?

Speaker 70 Ah, so close. We were actually looking for Johnny Bago.

Speaker 70 A series about a guy who owned a Winnow Bago. Cool.

Speaker 6 It's a series about a guy who lives in the city.

Speaker 63 This is deep.

Speaker 9 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 6 So, so far, you've got two.

Speaker 65 I have to get the next two right.

Speaker 40 You got to get the next two right.

Speaker 25 Yeah.

Speaker 22 Justin McElroy, are you still there?

Speaker 70 Question three: Bill Paxton parodies Jimmy Buffett in a performance Jimmy very much enjoyed, reportedly, in Broken Lizard's Club Dread. What was the name of Paxton's foe, Jimmy Buffett?

Speaker 65 I did not see this movie.

Speaker 24 Oh, this is rough.

Speaker 8 How about this for a trivia question? I saw that movie in the theater.

Speaker 24 Why?

Speaker 41 I don't remember.

Speaker 32 Do you remember the name of the character that Bill Batcher played?

Speaker 65 I don't remember either. I'm going to say Timmy Buffet.

Speaker 7 Timmy Buffet? Yeah.

Speaker 4 Connor, you want a chance to steal?

Speaker 48 That's literally what I was going to say.

Speaker 45 Oh, God.

Speaker 53 Show me Timmy Buffet.

Speaker 70 Wrong. It was coconut.
Pete, unfortunately.

Speaker 22 Coconut Pete.

Speaker 8 Well, the good news is this last question is actually worth two points.

Speaker 15 That's right.

Speaker 4 This is for all the paradissical cheeseburgers.

Speaker 5 Let's hear the last question.

Speaker 70 Lastly, which SNL cast member had their life saved by Jimmy Buffett after a surfing accident?

Speaker 27 Which SNL cast member now think of all the stuff.

Speaker 65 I got like a one in 150 shot there, right? Which SNL cast member?

Speaker 45 You don't know this?

Speaker 65 No, I don't know this. Do you know this?

Speaker 8 Get your parrot head out of your parrot ass, man.

Speaker 65 Do you know this, Jesse?

Speaker 8 I don't know. All I'm saying is if Bill Withers saved the life of an SNL cast member,

Speaker 10 I would know which one.

Speaker 8 I'd be like, Chris Katan, Chris Katan, Chris Katan.

Speaker 44 Do you know the answer? I don't know the answer.

Speaker 24 Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 44 I listen to that. You literally know that, John.

Speaker 8 Jimmy Buffett knowledge?

Speaker 63 No.

Speaker 63 Do you want to?

Speaker 65 I know a lot about his music and his restaurant chains and his novels.

Speaker 44 Well, I believe you. I believe you.

Speaker 65 I'm going to just.

Speaker 63 Hang on, hang on, hang on.

Speaker 36 Do you want to phone a friend? Is there anyone in the audience who knows?

Speaker 65 Colin Jost.

Speaker 64 Is that your final answer?

Speaker 44 Yes. You're absolutely right, Justin.

Speaker 70 Yes, that's right. Correct.
Colin Jost. Thank you for having me.

Speaker 62 Thank you. Thank you.

Speaker 70 And congratulations to all parties involved.

Speaker 36 The recorded voice of Justin McElroy.

Speaker 27 And there's Colin Joast.

Speaker 64 Well,

Speaker 7 that last one, you got over the finish line with it.

Speaker 24 Two

Speaker 44 cheeseburgers.

Speaker 5 I, I should, by rights, deny you your chance to have a Jimmy Buffett theme night.

Speaker 22 It's all good, man. Red tail, beer, and wine bar.

Speaker 46 But your friend Connor is a true friend and an inspired business person

Speaker 7 and

Speaker 19 a Samaritan, even.

Speaker 7 You may have one and only one night of Jimmy Buffett, so long as it is a fundraiser for skin cancer treatment and research.

Speaker 52 Connor, you will do your best to be a good sport about it.

Speaker 64 However, I authorize you as the bartender to acknowledge to have a microphone at the bar and make fun of everything that happens.

Speaker 52 This is the sound of a gavel.

Speaker 59 Judge John Hodgman rules, that is all.

Speaker 41 Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you, L and Connor.

Speaker 1 That's it for another episode of the Judge John Hodgman Podcast. Thanks to Reddit user Poop Parade for naming the case in this episode.
We're on YouTube and TikTok at JudgeJohnHodgman Pod.

Speaker 1 Once again, we are going to be returning to San Francisco Sketchfest in January. If that show sounded like fun, and I hope that it did, go to sfsketchfest.com or maximumfun.org slash events.

Speaker 1 The Judge John Hodgman podcast was created by John Hodgman and Jesse Thorne. This episode recorded by Matthew Barnhart.
A.J. McKeon is our podcast editor.
Daniel Spear is our video editor.

Speaker 1 And our producer is Jennifer Marmer. John Hodgman, you know, on our last tour, we were talking a lot in the tour van with Matthew Barnhart about the television show Slow Horses.

Speaker 2 That's right.

Speaker 1 Anyway, Matthew Barnhart just texted me a picture of him at Slough House.

Speaker 3 Oh, really? Yeah.

Speaker 3 Oh, I've got to remember to text my picture of me and James Callis, Guy's Baltar from Battlestar Galactica who's now on Slow Horses.

Speaker 22 Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

Speaker 3 That Matthew Barnhardt, love texting with him. Love that he was able to record these episodes for us and couldn't do it without you.
And of course, we couldn't do it without Jennifer Marmor.

Speaker 60 And we couldn't do it without all of you in the audience.

Speaker 3 So make sure to go get your tickets for Sketchfest. We'll talk to you next time on the Judge John Hodgman podcast.

Speaker 70 Maximum Fun, a worker-owned network of artists-owned shows.

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