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Can we actually rewire and train our brains in order to have better relationships and better lives?

My guest today, Busy Gold, says yes, absolutely we can.

And this can be our superpower.

Her latest book, Your Brain is a Filthy Liar, is a fascinating read.

I hope you guys enjoy my great conversation with the brilliant Busy.

But first, let's talk about something so important to a lot of us: the quality of our sleep.

And I know the topic of sleep divorce has been all over the media lately.

When couples who still love each other decide to sleep in separate bedrooms because they cannot agree in the conditions of the sleep in their own bedroom, I met this incredible couple, DJ and James, who loved to fall asleep snuggled under the same blanket.

But DJ was going through perimenopause and she was always waking up feeling super hot in the middle of the night.

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Even single people, such as myself, that sleep with my pets.

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Busy, welcome to Cat on the Luz.

It's a pleasure having you here.

Thank you for having me.

As I was telling you, I started reading your book last night.

It's fascinating.

So I want to, that's the first question because the title is so, so powerful.

Your brain is a filthy

So many questions about that, but can you tell me a little bit of the background?

How did you come up with that?

The premise of the book is that we all have a very unique flavor of self-deception that causes us to act out certain self-sabotage behaviors, relationship conflict.

This is ultimately why many of us have to feel pain for us to be able to reflect and try to figure out what happened.

When I was about 13 years old, and this is in the very beginning of the book, so no doubt you read this part in the forward, I was watching the movie Fight Club.

And as the last scene was taking place and all the buildings were exploding, and you have the epiphany that the two characters that you thought were different, the whole movie are actually one person.

It was a complete paradigm shift for me.

And having grown up with a mom with mental illness who struggled with borderline personality disorder, I think up until this point,

all of her distorted perception of reality that always seemed to be conflicting with my perception of events just kind of felt like one big, long, cruel joke.

And this was the first moment where I realized that she may actually have no idea that she is as mentally ill as she actually was.

So I actually found empathy for her in that moment, but also felt this challenge or journey, if you will, to participate on, which is How is it possible that somebody could be in such deep self-deception that they wouldn't know it?

How is it that someone's perception of an event could be so starkly contrast to the person next to them that they could never agree, no matter how many conversations that they have.

What is the mechanism?

And how do we actually teach people to observe it and dismantle it?

Because I do believe fundamentally self-deception is the root of mental illness.

Oh, wow.

Okay.

Yeah.

So, a lot of questions, and I want to ask you practically how do we do that.

But first, for people that don't really understand your work or maybe don't know you, you call yourself a mental health innovator.

So, what does that mean?

Like, for somebody that doesn't really understand anything about the subject?

A mental health innovator to me means that you are operating outside of an existing paradigm, trying to help bring about a solution that didn't come through the traditional funnel.

People don't really realize that academia often functions like a funnel, right?

You come in, you get trained in these building blocks, and then essentially, as you're innovating, I'm going to put in air quotes of somebody who's listening to this, your innovation is restricted to being built on the pre-approved foundational building blocks.

So what you end up having are very slight pivots or shifts, but very rarely do you see an entire predominating theory actually crumble with something brand new come up in its place because the system is really built to protect itself from that.

I would call myself a mental health innovator because I'm not trying to come through the existing paradigm by using pre-validated building blocks.

I've done something entirely different that's outside of the system.

So ultimately, I think we're all trying to solve the same problem, which is why is humanity in such a perpetual mental health crisis?

What are the root causes?

Why are the current approaches not successful?

Why does it continue to get worse rather than better?

And those are all questions that have led me on my journey to develop a more data-driven tech approach to actually solve the mental health crisis.

So let's be practical here.

Let's say somebody out there is listening and they're like, well, but I don't think my brain is a filthy liar.

I think I'm fine.

I think my mental health is just fine.

What is this girl talking about?

How do we figure out, like, do I need help or I'm good?

Do you think everybody can benefit from this?

Do you think

anybody in a way needs help to rewire their brain?

I think every single person struggles with that unique pattern of self-deception and others cover it better.

Others mask it better.

Some people have very successful outcomes, but if they're really honest with themselves when they're laying their head down on the pillow at night, there are still issues that we all know we have.

Not one person on planet Earth is perfect.

So I do think that every single person on planet Earth has something to gain from this book or whether it's actually doing brain pattern mapping to understand what your unique brain pattern type is.

Because, for example, my brain pattern type has me skew things typically very positively.

I'm a very optimistic person.

One of my self-deceptive tendencies is a positive self-deception where I truly believe I can figure out anything.

And the reality is I often do and I am successful because of that, but it has to come at a cost.

There has to be something else that I'm borrowing from in pursuit of always figuring it out.

And for somebody like me, that tends to be I lack self-preservation.

I will do for others before I do for myself.

I could burn myself out and continue to serve other people, but eventually I may have some sort of chronic illness pop up, autoimmune disease, right?

So whether that or even things like weight gain, where it's like you can't prioritize yourself and your personal health.

So I think the biggest lesson here is that no matter how positive or negative you perceive the quality of your life to be, when we understand how our brain skews our perception of reality and then starts to excuse and justify our habits and our repetitive behaviors, we can crack the code on even some of these smaller things that we may feel are annoyances or perhaps just the way our family does things or we just kind of excuse them and sweep them under the rug.

Because I do think that every single person has the ability to truly learn to see behind the curtain and come to a completely healed state where life is experienced with peace and neutrality and we're not in these high highs and low lows.

We're not constantly chasing dopamine.

We're not constantly trying to re-regulate ourselves after a period of moodiness.

I do think that human beings are fundamentally capable of turning down the volume on negative self-talk self-talk and mental chatter.

I don't think we're meant to live that way.

And so many people have normalized these qualities that I don't think people realize how unwell they are simply because it's been normalized in our culture for so long.

Yeah, no, totally.

And I'm exactly like you.

Like I, I, I have this tendency because I believe me, I've been through hell and high water.

I have my share of tragedy and issues in my life.

That's how the podcast started.

So nowadays, I'm insanely positive.

I'm always thinking about positive outcomes.

But it works in my favor because my life, like you said, that's what made me successful.

That's what made me rebuild my life.

That's what makes all my projects take off.

And people always say that about me, like, I love your energy.

I love your energy.

I don't like saying negative things out loud.

So in that sense, is that self-deception or it's like the reality that I figure out works for me?

So there are two types of self-deception.

One is positive self-deception.

The other is negative.

All this means, if you break down the definition, is that positive self-deception, your brain will highlight the reward and minimize the risk.

And then with negative self-deception, the opposite is true.

It focuses on the risk and it minimizes the reward.

So think of this like an aperture on a camera where

there's less or more light coming in.

Sometimes we're more focused again on the positive.

And this can have a positive outcome, right?

Like you're finding positive outcomes from it.

There are certainly ways that I've experienced positive outcomes from it but here's an example take your pattern now and put it into an intimate relationship context if i'm kind of always trying to be solutions focused and always look on the bright side if somebody is in a conflict with me in an intimate relationship setting this might be a huge trigger for them because they might just want to express themselves and they don't want me to solve their problem they don't want me to look on the bright side they they want me to kind of get on board with them and be like i'm sorry you're hurting or kind of like jump into their venting with them so i think the big picture here here is

even something that isn't seems inherently positive can still be a trigger for a negative cycle in a different facet of your life.

So another way to look at this would be many of the qualities that serve me immensely in my career and my relationship with myself are in fact the biggest triggers in my marriage.

And this is going to be true for most people.

Some qualities don't translate well to the intimate relationship setting.

So ultimately, when you learn how to see behind that self-deceptive tendency and you learn to break apart some of those formulas, we become more adaptable and we have more range and we understand how we need to meet people halfway that may be slightly different than what our brain wants us to do, because we do get trapped in these repetitive cycles, even if they're positive.

Since you start talking about relationships, I want to ask you about this video that I saw on your Instagram that I really liked.

And it's one of the questions that I get from people all the time.

You mentioned, and I, and I know I'm not, you know, quoting you perfectly, but

it's something like, you said, like, the guy chases someone, like men are chases.

I think men are chases by nature, right?

And so the girl is acting super cool, like, you know, I don't really care.

Like, I have my stuff going on.

Maybe you're going to explain better.

And then, but once the guy gets the girl, the whole pattern of the relationship shifts because now all of a sudden, maybe she has other needs or maybe like her power makes him feel emasculated everything changes and then i think you even mentioned the video then it's not like you know chasing and and wanting to be with someone it's more like a power struggle and i know it happens with so many couples and it has happened to me so many times and i i don't know if and and i think because i like i said i get messages from so many women all over the world and my girlfriend say the same thing especially successful women right because we have so much going on so when the guy's chasing us they they're like, oh, I can adapt and I love this, la, la, la.

But once they're in your world, they're like, oh my God, this is just too much for me.

Yes, it becomes a power struggle.

So can you explain better the post?

And is there a way to avoid that?

Like once you are in that relationship, how do you not, is there a way for us women to not cause that type of intimidation on the partner?

Absolutely.

Let's start here.

Every single person experiences a four-part behavior cycle.

So our behavior will unfold in four different phases, early, transitional, and late.

So one of the things that I think is important for people to understand, and honestly, many people don't know about this.

So I'm glad that we're having this conversation because you're not crazy.

You do contradict yourself.

Every single one of us out there, we in early stages may feel one way, and then all of a sudden we end up contradicting ourselves or trying to talk ourselves out of something that we previously really wanted.

This is actually not because you've lost it, but this is part of how behavior transitions over time.

So in brain pattern mapping, we track nine different markers.

Four of them have to do with chronological behavior.

Like I said, early transitional late stage.

So what tends to happen here is that in this case, in the post, I think it's why he chases the cool girl.

Yeah.

The cool girl that we're talking about here is typically in early stages more free-spirited, go with the flow.

They're not very controlling.

They're not necessarily going to lock down on plans, which allows the man to feel like he has something to chase.

They're not overly available.

They're not overly needy.

So it kind of starts this man's pursuit of the chase where he gets to kind of like dominate his prey.

The only problem is this woman is not going to be easily dominated because that's not who she fundamentally is.

So what in early stages feels like this fun cat and mouse chase, once actual commitment is on the table and the relationship is secured, all of those same qualities that once drew them to that person and they, it felt like attraction, now those things do feel emasculating.

It does feel like there is this, you know, well, which one of us is the man?

Because that woman still can't be controlled.

She couldn't be controlled in early stages and she's certainly not going to be controlled now.

So I think often, and by the way, I'll stop here and say, I actually think that this is less of a gender issue than it is a brain pattern issue.

I think certain brain patterns love the chase and certain brain patterns like to be chased in early stages, but you can't ever really lock them down.

So you don't think it's like how we have a guy behavior like Mark.

Yeah, we've been sociologically programmed to think of this as male and female, but for example, typically what's happening here is the woman that's being chased, that's the cool girl, they actually have a very masculine presenting pattern.

That's part of this whole problem is that from a sociological perspective, they're both behaving like a man, essentially, which is why when commitment is actually anchored, suddenly the man's expecting that now that the woman is somehow committed in this secure relationship, suddenly she's going to become submissive or demure or stop being go with the flow and suddenly like want to stay home all the time and not go out with her friends when none of these things are going to happen because that's fundamentally who that person is.

So in that early stage attraction, it allowed that man's brain pattern to see it as something to be conquered or chased.

But once there's security anchored, that is going to be a dynamic that's likely going to challenge that man and make him potentially feel like he's less of a man or like he doesn't have any power in this relationship because this woman has her own power, right?

That this woman has her own inner strength and power and she doesn't look outside of herself for what to do or how to do things.

Everything's very self-generated.

So another way to say this would be that is the recipe for confidence.

This woman is very confident and she doesn't need somebody to validate that experience for her.

And that's not going to change once security is anchored.

And that's essentially what the man is thinking of in his head.

If I just do this, then she's going to be mine.

But those parameters are really not going to change because of this writing pattern type's late stage behavior is also very self-assured and confident.

So practically speaking, is there anything?

Because I don't, I think, I guess most women don't do that on purpose, right?

Like they don't really scare a guy away.

But is there anything practical that they can do in order not to send these vibes, so to speak?

Yeah.

So in the post that you're talking about, there's a comment comment to DM on there where it actually takes you to an article I wrote on the tough girl.

So there is a lot there too that I would dig into, but I'll kind of give you some of the highlights right now.

So one of them is if you understand that you are this very self-assured, confident woman, you have to be able to find certain ways to embrace the feminine role in the relationship.

So an example would be,

If maybe cooking is not really your thing, it might be a good thing for you to do to kind of play around, challenge yourself.

Like, I'm going to play around with the recipe tonight.

Like, honey, I'm not that good at cooking, but like tonight, I really want to try this out.

It allows them to see that you're trying to be dynamic and trying to find ways to step into maybe more of that traditional feminine role.

Other ways could be.

You don't necessarily, the woman that we're talking about here doesn't necessarily look to others to solve problems.

And you're probably very hyper-independent and can pretty much do anything yourself.

You want to try to find opportunities to go to your partner, to ask them to collaborate or ask them for feedback, even if you're not used to getting it or you don't feel you need it.

Because big picture, your partner just wants to feel included.

So example would be, and this is, you know, I have this dynamic with my husband.

So I'm, I'm the girl that he chased and I, I have a more masculine presenting personality.

So this is a great example.

I started to

take these peptide injections and I got all the needles and I went to my husband and I was like, honey, I'm a little bit afraid of needles.

Can you show me like on Saturday morning, can you help me do this and just kind of set up since you've been doing it for a while?

And he's like, oh my God, yeah, no problem.

That's so he was all excited, but I messed this up.

Okay.

So now it's Saturday morning.

I wake up and I know I'm supposed to take it first thing in the morning without any food.

And I see my husband outside mowing the lawn.

My brain pattern is like, it's okay.

I'm going to figure it out.

I'll take care of it.

I jump the gun and I'm like, I'll just figure it out.

So I go do it.

I give myself the injection.

He comes in.

He's like, honey, are you ready for your injections?

And I'm like, I already gave it to myself because you were on the lawnmower.

Right.

So here we go, positive self-deception.

In my mind, in this instant, I'm like, I don't want to disrupt him on the lawnmower.

I'll just take care of it myself.

I don't want to be a bother.

But what happened?

It actually really pissed him off because he was like, honey, I finally was going to get to do something for you.

Why did you rob me of this opportunity?

Right.

So these are just these little moments that sometimes we miss where I, this is still something I continually have to work on because I'm so used to being independent and doing things on my own.

I need to find ways to let my husband be the man and to show up for me because it really does build trust.

It builds vulnerability.

And ultimately, from a brain pattern perspective, why somebody like you or I doesn't go asking for help or looking for support is because that actually is too vulnerable.

We've had people fail us or not show up for us in the past or to turn on us when we've asked for help.

So it's not, it doesn't feel safe to put yourself out there.

So big picture, the best healing step you can do as the tough girl is to actually practice putting yourself out there so that your husband or your partner has a chance to show up for you and feel like they're the man, that they can be the protector, even if you don't need it.

Very, very practical and important advice.

I love it.

I think you like really hit the mark.

And in another video, you mentioned something that I totally agree with you.

You said something like that most people, like when we're dating someone, we're very agreeable, right?

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I've been guilty of doing that.

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Do you think it's maybe too much from the get-go

to literally just show yourself like, no, I don't like this, I like this, this, or do you think it is a good idea to be more agreeable at the very beginning?

I think naturally the bait and switch causes long-term problems in the relationship.

So I think there's probably an alternate path in the middle.

So let's lay the two paths out.

Path one is, let's, we'll give it some context.

Let's say the guy that you're seeing is like, let's go side by siding in the mountains, but inside you're like scared.

You don't really like the outdoors.

You don't really want to go on the side by side, but you're like, sure, that sounds great.

Right.

So you start now going side by siding and you've led this person that you're dating to think that you love this.

So now they want to do it all the time.

And you're just kind of like bearing down white knuckling every time you go.

Eventually, when the relationship becomes secure, maybe one time you're like, oh, let's, I got like a side by side for this out.

And you're like, oh, is there any way we can do something else?

They're like, what?

You don't like side-by-siding anymore?

At a certain point, you're going to have to out yourself.

Like, actually, I never liked it.

I just was very, like, I was just trying to be agreeable so that we had something to do.

Eventually, you're going to either have to out yourself, admit that you lied, or you're going to have to suppress it forever and just really get good at loving to go in the side-by-side with your partner because they're probably not going to stop.

So the bait and switch here is that you.

You allowed them to bond.

And I'm again, for anyone that's listening audio, you allowed them to bond with you on something that was false.

And down the road, that's going to feel like a betrayal.

And that may be one of the first wounds of a trust break that was totally avoidable.

So an example would be of how to do it in this middle of the road.

Let's say early stage eating, like, hey, babe, I thought it would be cool to ride a side by side.

Here's the honesty.

Honey, I really want to do this with you because obviously it's going to make you so happy.

I'm not really sure how I'm going to feel about it.

I'm a little bit afraid of going outside, but I'm willing to do it for you and see if I can get into it.

Right.

That's honest.

Yes.

And maybe the next time, like, so, honey, how'd you feel about it?

Like, it wasn't bad.

Like, it's not my favorite thing in the world, but like, I can do it from time to time.

At least now you're setting up the relationship and the bonding process based in truth rather than like, sure, let's go all this time.

And then all of a sudden, you're pulling the rug out in front of them.

Like, actually, I have hated it the whole time.

Yeah.

So it's okay to be honest, especially if you're willing to compromise and give it a try, even if you're not really that into it.

But at least that way, you get to, again, build this sort of bonding mechanism in the truth, which I think is far better than either saying, no, I don't want to do that or pretending that you're really agreeable.

There is that middle ground that I think is rooted in honesty, but is still willing to show them that you're willing to step outside of your comfort zone to give it a try.

I love that.

And I completely agree with you.

I've had many experts here.

on the show because I'm not an expert, I'm just learning.

But, and they say, like, it's totally fine to fib at the beginning of relationship, like fib about your age, fib about this.

And I'm like, my style is the exact opposite.

I, I'm just saying, me personally, I think it's a horrible idea.

Like, I don't want somebody to like me because they think I'm younger or older or thinner or whatever.

I, I like just put myself out there because I want somebody to like me the way I am.

And I've had many experts tell me it's a horrible mistake.

Don't do that from the get-go.

It's marketing.

I've heard it all.

Oh my God.

I'm on your team here.

One of the foundational principles of my work is above all else, expedite the truth.

I think big picture, when we can expedite both our personal truth and the truth of how our relationship is going to unfold to come out into the open, both parties now have an opportunity to collaborate and work on it.

But if you're manipulating or pitching aversion, eventually the truth is going to come out and it will likely lead to a betrayal and trust break, which is just not worth it.

And again, it's that whole bait and switch tactic.

Do you really want to manipulate somebody into into liking you?

Because eventually you're going to have to continue that manipulation because you've got them bonded and attached to something that's not real.

That's not what a healthy long-term relationship is built on.

Yeah, no, I agree with you 1 million percent.

Now,

before we shift gears, do you think opposites attract?

Because it's a big controversy out there.

And I know you did a post about that as well.

I was watching all your posts last night because your work is fascinating.

And I know some people say, yes, you know, you can't have two of the same people under one roof.

And some people say, no, if you're too opposite from someone, how are you going to build alive with that person?

What's your take on that?

I think opposites do attract, but I think more so, it's that opposite brain patterns attract so that they can experience something that I call in my work symbiotic dysfunction.

We effectively need to be repetitively triggered in such a way in the relationship that we can keep playing out our pattern over and over again.

So typically two patterns are attracted to each other because their responses to each other are also each other's trigger.

So it creates this, I call it a Pac-Man of doom.

I don't know if anyone remembers the game Pac-Man.

Basically, if you imagine, right?

My everything that I say to you is your worst trigger.

And then when you respond to me, that's my worst trigger.

And that's essentially what happens in relationships.

So I think it's less about opposites in terms of, you know, maybe like this person is more conservative and this person's more liberal.

Less, less like that.

And more that on the brain pattern spectrum, which is something that is in my book, there are five total brain pattern types in the entire 8 billion plus global population.

There are two primary patterns on the left and then there's three patterns on the right.

What ends up happening is whatever your brain pattern type is, when you do brain pattern mapping, it places you very specifically on the spectrum.

You tend to attract a person that is your equal opposite on the right side or left side of the spectrum.

So there's this, there's something that I call the mirror effect in my book, which you'll eventually get to, where two people could tend to, they could look the same from the outside, but ultimately how they see the world and the decisions that they make and the priorities that they have could be very starkly contrasted.

These things typically exist so that polarity or at least our experience of polarity can be present.

I think many people can attest if they look back at their past relationships that there's a very fine line between spark and toxicity, right?

Some of what we are attracted to, it's really riding that line of what's probably not good for us.

And then we tend to see behaviors that may be more vanilla or stable or not necessarily that attractive to us.

Use the term maybe beige flag as something that's a turnoff when really that actually might be the exact type of person that we need for us to lead a very, you know, stable, peaceful life.

But we tend to be attracted to the polarity or that spark.

I do think that big picture, when I, in my work, I work with a lot of couples.

It's very uncommon that you see people that are in a long-lasting relationship that are very close to each other on the spectrum.

And I think this is because naturally people who are too close would repel each other or would friend zone each other.

And I think the more likely scenario is that they would friend zone each other.

So if anyone listening or watching has ever had that experience where you're like on paper, like we should be such a good match, but there's just, there's no chemistry.

It's likely because you're too close to each other on the brain pattern spectrum for that experience of spark to be present.

But I truly think that no matter what your brain pattern types are, when people do emotional repatterning work like break method, it doesn't really matter how similar or different you are.

People can actually very much come together in a collaborative and healthy way, despite how close or far apart they are, as long as they have the right tools.

Very interesting.

So for people that have no idea what you're talking about, what is brain mapping?

How do you do it?

So brain pattern mapping is something that can be done on my website, breakmethod.com.

I spent the last 11 years mapping brain patterns and historical data points to develop a predictive model.

So the predictive model that we created, it accurately predicts patterns of thought, behavior, and decision making with 98.3% accuracy.

It takes about 20 minutes for you to fill out.

It's something that you can do completely online.

And then at the end screen, it'll have you book a session to actually have your diagnostic evaluated.

So it'll actually actually break down who you are, what made you that way.

It'll be able to accurately predict secrets that you keep, patterns that you probably would rather not disclose.

It's a very exposing experience.

And it just shows you that really, we are actually a byproduct of our early childhood data points rather than our genetics or things that are a little bit more ethereal, like culture, my family.

You can actually very much distill down the inputs that generated the outputs of behavior.

And if we have some of those concrete inputs, we can very much predict who you are and how you see the world even in just 20 minutes so it's questions that you answer or tests

questions yep but they're they're all historical data points so they're very concrete they're not like how did you feel about this or how would you evaluate this they're all very concrete data points example

How many siblings did you have?

Where were you in the lineup?

Things that are easy for anybody to answer.

They're not big qualitative questions.

So you do this brain mapping test and then you send the person the results.

Yeah, then we would look, you would book a session with a behavior strategist on our team and they'd actually go through and show you your brain pattern diagnostic and break down all the markers.

And so, okay, what do you mean like markers of what?

Sorry, I'm just

assume that people listening, they want to understand, because I think we all want to understand how our brain works better, but they don't know what you're talking about.

So there's nine markers.

So if you've ever had your blood drawn, right, and you get kind of a lab report and it says like, this is high, this is low, this is concerning, go get this, recheck, right?

You need more of this supplement.

That's essentially what's happening here, but it's happening instead of showing you the qualities of your blood, it's showing you the qualities of your perception of reality and your thoughts, your emotional state, and how your chemicals change over time, and then how those elicit behavior.

So we're tracking nine different markers.

So just like you would on a lab result, there's nine different things that we're tracking.

Two of them have to do with how you actually fundamentally perceive reality and see the world.

So a way to look at this would be when our brain pattern is active, it would be like wearing glasses that we don't know we're wearing.

So as soon as we start to understand that we're wearing glasses, we learn how to take them off and we realize, oh my God, that was, that was a distortion.

I was so convinced that that was objective reality.

I just started to identify with that as self.

So you learn how to take that off.

So now you're seeing more objectively because you can see that distortion.

Those are the top two markers.

The middle three markers are how your emotional addiction cycle unfolds over time.

So there's an origin, a protective, and an escalating response.

Emotions are going to be like a biochemical chain reaction that happens in your body, and it will basically connect the dots between thought and behavior.

So that in between, it's like the glue.

Our thoughts elicit emotion, and then we start to act out a behavior.

So those are going to unfold in a three-part cycle, and then our behavior unfolds in a four-part cycle.

So we're tracking that early stage behavior, transitional behavior, and late-stage behavior.

So, we would understand

very quickly what's likely to happen to you in the beginning of a relationship, what happens when security gets anchored in the relationship, and then what you do in that relationship once things are very committed.

We would be able to accurately predict all of that behavior.

So, let's say I do the mapping and I get the results and I get my markers, and some stuff out there doesn't look good, whatever.

My perception of what I thought, you know, my life is great.

How do you fix it?

Do you do therapy?

How does that work?

Yeah, so break method actually is the modality that we would use to correct all of those areas that need to be repatterned.

One thing I will say is it's less about like, this doesn't look good.

And it's more just what is the unique lens prescription that I have personally that distorts certain areas from my career to my relationship with finances, to my intimate relationships, to parenting.

And how can I learn to see those blind spots so that I can become more successful, more productive, more self-regulated, and have more peace both in my head and out in my external world.

So all we're doing is kind of highlighting these areas of where we need to do something called pattern opposition.

So a way to look at this would be if we know our thoughts elicit emotion and then that elicits behavior.

There are certain behaviors that we act out that technically, consciously, we know are not good for us, but we don't notice that we're doing them until we've gotten ourselves into trouble or we're in pain.

This diagnostic will show you exactly why that behavior is misfiring and why it's feeling justified to your brain in the early stages before you're in pain so that we can actually learn to effectively stop it.

And break method is the modality where we actually effectively rewire every single one of those nine markers so that you can come back to center, have, again, more collaboration, more empathy for other people, more success, more productivity, and more, of course,

inner peace that's a byproduct of usually decreasing mental chatter, negative self-talk, or intrusive thoughts.

So those are all things that we conduct in break method over the course of about 20 weeks on average.

And it's a series of video lectures with me, one-on-one sessions, group sessions, and of course, doing all the diagnostic work so that we can very strategically.

have you rewire very specific patterns in a specific order while making sure that we're addressing that distorted self-deception pattern in your brain.

I do also cover this minimally in my book, which you have.

So the book is a little bit more written to be almost like a cheat sheet.

So an example of this would be in the book, obviously I cover the fundamentals, but there's a section in the book where it encourages you to go do your brain pattern diagnostic because the whole second half of the book is dedicated to each brain pattern type.

So you would go to that brain pattern type that you are.

And you would actually learn to see all of your self-deceptive tendencies.

You would learn what language your brain weaponizes against you to keep you feeling justified repeating things that will eventually lead to heartache or conflict later on.

And then it challenges you in an area of the book called Rebellion Zones, where it strategically tells you exactly what to do instead and how we have to equip you with tools to actually do that thing with a different result.

It's fascinating and it's so interesting, but I would think it

and please tell me if I'm wrong.

It really, the work would only work if somebody is willing to do it.

Because I'm thinking, like, let's say a narcissist or like a total egomaniac, you know, a person that

doesn't think like if obviously your mom had a mental illness, my mom did too, by the way.

But let's say somebody like that, and they do the brain mapping and everything.

The work is only going to work if they're open-minded to it.

Do you agree?

Because if they read everything, like, nah, that's not me.

That's bullshit.

I don't need my brain rewired.

It's a bunch of baloney.

Then it doesn't matter how many sashes, it doesn't matter how much you want to try to help them, it's just not going to work.

Is that the case?

This is a two-fold issue.

So I'll address one item first.

Very frequently, the person that you've just described, they come to me very convinced that somebody else is the problem.

So they are likely to come to me in maybe like a marriage where they're like, you know, this and this and this and this, this is why I'm doing this.

Like my husband needs help.

Basically, what ends up happening in many of those circumstances is that when we do brain pattern mapping, they unfortunately have to face the truth that they are actually very much involved in the cycle as well.

And that potentially they are actually the covert narcissist pattern, which is much more common, actually.

And it's very common for that pattern to point a finger at somebody else and say, this person's the narcissist.

Like they're the reason my marriage is falling apart.

So that is a very common scenario that we see all the time in our work.

And then the other scenario, which you're describing, I think there are, I, one of my best performing Facebook ads, for example, is

you're getting called a narcissist.

Do you want to know why?

Because there are a lot of men out there that get called a narcissist and they're frustrated by it.

They don't understand what they're doing.

They don't feel like it's justified.

So that is actually one of my top performing ads.

And I do have a ton of male clients who come to me and they're like, listen, I don't feel like this is justified, but show me where I'm wrong.

Show me what I'm missing.

And quite often with those men, when I go through the brain pattern mapping session with them, they've already had an epiphany and they're like, Yes, sign me up.

I like, I don't want to, I don't want what I'm doing and thinking to translate this way.

So, help me.

I want to fix it.

So, I think that often it's that split more than what we're socially programmed to believe narcissism is.

I think it's very often those two cases rather than what we see on Instagram.

I hope a lot of guys out there listening, you know, if you've been called a narcissist, be open-minded enough to at least try to get help, right?

It's so common, and I do think this is not, of course, the only input, but it is one of the inputs that can do this.

In certain cultures and certain families, there is preference given to a certain position of male son, which that input actually creates this narcissistic output where they do think the world revolves around them and they don't really ever have to face consequences of their actions.

And they do have, especially women in their lives, beg, borrowing, stealing to cover for them.

So they just kind of get to get away with things without any sort of self-accountability.

That is very common.

And typically, that is one of the more common input patterns that I would see with a guy that's like, I don't understand why I'm being called the narcissist.

And then eventually, when you break it down, they're like, oh, well, when you put it that way, yes, I get it.

Help.

I don't want to be like that.

I love that.

I'll send you my ex-boyfriends.

Okay.

Sounds good.

Well, congratulations.

Your book is fantastic.

Where can people find it?

You can find it on any retailer.

Obviously, Amazon seems to be everyone's go-to.

So if you go to Amazon, Amazon, it's your brain is a filthy liar.

And my name is Busy Gold, and I really hope that you enjoy the book.

There is a QR code.

I believe it's around chapter eight in the book that you can scan to go do your brain pattern mapping session.

Fantastic, guys.

If you're listening to the audio episode, the link to her website is right here.

Go read the book because it's fantastic reading.

I think we all can benefit from knowing how our brain works better.

I am madly in love with the subject.

Thank you so much, Busy.

Congratulations on our success.

A huge honor having you here on Canon Deluze.

Thank you for having me.

Be safe out there, guys.

See you soon.