NY Times Best Selling Author Mandy Hale

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Yeah, aka Charlie Sheen, only on Netflix, September 10th.

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My guest today,

Mandy Hale, is a New York Times best-selling author who has written five books and has a fantastic Instagram page called The Single Woman with over half a million followers, which really became a social media movement that inspires single women to live their best lives and to never ever settle.

Mandy cuts to the heart of the matter with her inspirational, straight talking, and very humorous take on life and love.

And of course, I fell in love with her work and her message that literally reaches millions of women across the world every day through her blog, her books, and her social media platforms.

I truly hope you guys enjoy my conversation with Mandy.

And if you are a single woman out there, I hope she inspires you to live your best life.

And please remember: I have a lot of single girlfriends out there that put a lot of pressure on themselves to find a man, a partner.

But you do not need to have a partner to be living your best life ever.

You may want to have a partner, of course, but you do not need to have a partner to be living your best life ever.

I really hope you guys enjoyed this very special episode with Mandy all the way from Nashville to Cat on the Loose.

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Mandy, welcome to Calendalo's.

It's such an honor to have you.

Thank you so much.

I'm very excited to be here.

All the way from Nashville, amazing.

As I was telling you, it's totally on my bucket list.

I'm going to make my way there one of these days.

Yeah, I think it's on a lot of people's bucket lists because it's crazy.

It's, yeah, it's very much the it city right now.

Although right now we are completely covered in snow.

So I don't know if you probably want to wait a little while.

It must be super beautiful though, right?

It is.

It's beautiful.

But after a few days, we're all kind of like, okay, it's pretty.

Now it's time for spring.

I know, I hear you.

Same here.

Mandy,

your work is so rich.

So, like I was saying to you, we have about 45 minutes.

You are a New York Times best-selling author.

You wrote a bunch of books.

I have 10 million questions.

So much I want to cover.

I want to talk about your fabulous page that I fell in love with, The Single Woman.

So are you ready to rock and roll?

Let's just go for it.

Absolutely.

I want to try to cover as much as i possibly can with you okay so let's go i'm ready uh before i talk about your books uh how did you come up with the idea of creating the single woman on instagram

well the entire idea of the single woman brand was born many years ago now um it's been well over a decade.

I was on the flip side of a really unhealthy relationship.

I had just ended a relationship and had gone through this very, you know, challenging breakup.

And I was just, at that point, I was, you know, early 30s and kind of looking around

for

people who were talking about singleness in a positive way because I was newly single and feeling very empowered and confident in my singleness and super excited to just kind of be on my own after a year and a half of an unhealthy relationship.

And

I just couldn't find anybody who was really sort of leading the parade of living your best single life.

And I was like, okay, well, if nobody else is talking about it, talking about being single in a positive, uplifting, funny, real way, then maybe I'll do it.

I've always loved to write.

I had actually set a New Year's resolution for myself that year to really focus more on my writing and find a creative outlet for my writing.

And so I started just a little blog and

just was talking about my experiences as a single woman and life and love and dating and friendships and career and following your dreams and all the things.

And I started the various social media platforms to promote the blog.

And then the platforms really took on a life of their own.

And my Instagram has become one of my most engaged, lively platforms that I have.

I absolutely love my Instagram audience there and my friends on there.

And it's been so much fun over these last more than 10 years now to get to share my heart and my stories and my adventures and my fiascos and all the things that

go into being a single woman at now age 45.

Yeah, and you really caught my eye and I definitely want to talk about a few of the posts, but before

tell me if you agree with me.

I feel, because I'm single as well.

I was married for a long time, for 14 years.

That's how the podcast started, because I was married for an alcoholic.

I was in a very abusive marriage.

It took me a very long time to have the courage to leave the marriage and start my life over.

And that's how I started the podcast.

talking about my experiences in learning how to date again, right?

Yeah, after leaving a long-term relationship and i think a lot of women uh you know want to share stories in my case and in your case but i feel there is a big stigma with so many girls when it comes to being single like even with my girlfriends i feel a lot of women feel bad almost like a scarlet letter and many times i don't understand that it drives me crazy like even with my single girlfriends sometimes they're like desperate like I gotta find a husband I gotta find a husband I gotta find and I'm like why do you girls have this desperation about almost like it's something negative they they feel like being single as something negative do you see that perception a lot as well

oh for sure I mean it's honestly the biggest driving force behind why I wanted to start

My movement of, you know, embracing your singleness.

And I think it's unfortunate that in the over like again over 10 years that I've been doing this we're still not really talking about singleness in a very positive way I think there's still like you said there's that stigma attached there's that crazy cat lady

you know label we sort of give women of a certain age who are single and I just

you know I it I can't stand it I hate that we that we do this to women and it's like people always joke around.

You know, I try to make,

I try to talk about the single journey in in a humorous way as well as a you know positive and empowering way because there is a lot of funny things that go into being single especially single at age 45 um

but

I uh

totally lost my train of thought of where I was going with that I was asking you like maybe now it's just shot right out of my head um

but oh oh I know what I was gonna say there's always this kind of um outlook of like

well why are you still single

People kind of look at you like you're an alien from outer space.

And it's like, you know, there's no deep, dark, hidden reason that I'm still single.

It just, it's just the way that my life has come together.

You know, it's just the way things have happened.

There's no deep, dark, hidden reason.

It's just, I just haven't met the right person for me yet.

And it really is as simple as that.

And I think if we could just recognize that singleness, it's just a relationship status.

That's that's it.

It says nothing about who you are your worth as a human it's just your relationship status

who you happen to be walking this life with and or at least for right now maybe it's not a permanent relationship status um totally yeah i think that there's way too much weight yeah put singleness because there's this sort of perspective that oh you must be miserable and alone and unhappy and sad and tragic and all these things and i'm like but actually

the reality is i look at at most

I won't say all

a huge majority of marriages that are around me and I'm like you know you're just you're you're one of the most unhappy people I've ever met and some of the people I know who are married and that's not to put a stigma on marriage but the point that I'm making is there's no perfect existence you can be married and be miserable you can be single and be miserable oh my god of course the relationship status has very little to do with you I completely agree with you and and I and let's be clear: I think there are a lot of single women that are very happy and have very fulfilling lives being single, right?

Being single doesn't equal being miserable.

There are some people that talk about how the happiest, healthiest people walking the earth today are

single people, single women.

There's actually scientific data to back that up.

So I don't know why there is this sort of,

I don't know, this idea that you have to be in a relationship or you have to be in a marriage to be a happy successful fulfilled person because that's certainly not true now that's not to say that certainly marriage can add to that to that it can bring other wonderful beautiful things into your life but if you haven't already built a happy fulfilled life for yourself as a single person marriage isn't going to magically make you a happy fulfilled person and I think a lot of people don't really understand oh my god this is such an important point I completely agree with you.

If you, if you're trying to find someone to make you happy, that's already like

wrong from the get-go.

I think you need to find happiness a fulfilling life within yourself first and foremost.

And I use a phrase and I want to know if you agree with me or not.

I don't know if I heard that phrase somewhere, if I read it somewhere, or if I created it.

I honestly don't remember, but I use that phrase a lot to myself and on my podcast.

and I really live by it.

And I think there's a big difference, and this is the phrase: there's a big difference between wanting a partner

to share life with and needing a partner.

And again, I use my girlfriends that drive me crazy out of my mind as examples because two of my best friends are single and they say that all the time: like, I need to find a boyfriend, I need to find a husband, I need, need, need, need, need.

And I'm like, no, you don't need to.

Maybe you want to.

And to me, this is a huge difference.

And I think guys capture the neediness.

And most men don't like that.

And I always hope that woman,

all of us as women, you want a partner, but you don't need a partner.

And to me, this is such an important difference.

Do you agree with that?

I do agree with that.

And I've actually tweeted and talked about before something along the lines of, you know, want without need is sexy indeed, because I love that.

And that's the thing.

I'm 45 and I've been single for my entire life.

I've never been married.

I've never been engaged.

I've been in relationships, obviously, over the years, but in terms of being actually married, I've never had that.

And so if I needed someone to exist, I would be in big trouble.

I would

and that's the thing that but I do think I will say that I feel like society sort of ingrains that in us from a very young age now we're playing with our Barbies and our Barbie dream of course now the new Barbie is like totally she's this badass empower confident and independent woman so that's totally things have totally shifted there and I love the Barbie movie by the way but

yeah, I mean, I think there's, there's sort of been this inherent mindset as we're raised, particularly, I grew up in the South, you know, that, oh, you, you know, you're going to marry someone, either your high school sweetheart.

Probably 85% of the people I went to high school with married their high school sweetheart, and they've been with them ever since, or they've gotten divorced or whatever.

But yeah, I mean, there's sort of this, this mindset of like,

oh, that's just kind of what life is.

You know, you go to high school, maybe you go to college, you meet somebody in high school or in college, you get married, you settle down, you have the 2.5 kids, the minivan, the white picket fence, all the thing.

And that's just, that's what your life is supposed to be and so I think it sort of ingrains this mindset and and not just women but men as well I think men can be some of the neediest creatures alive

that you absolutely cannot survive in this world without a partner and that's just absolutely not true I mean I'm living proof of that and I think you have to really come to the place in your life where you recognize that

You are really the only the only person that you're going that you're guaranteed to be with until the end of your life is yourself.

You are all you need, everything else is just the cherry on top of the sundae.

Oh my god, no, and I love that you said that, and I agree.

I think

cultures and family, they put so much pressure on us.

I was the same growing up in a Latin culture.

I was born in Brazil.

My mom was Brazilian, and you know, Latins, and my mom's family was from Italy.

They literally, from the time you were born, they're like, you got to get married and you got to have babies.

I was always the black sheep of the family, you know, the artist, the crazy person, na na, na.

And I did get married young, and because my husband had so much money, uh, everybody kind of overlooked the fact that you know he was a drunk and he was abusing me.

And it took me so long to get out of that.

And now that I'm not in my 20s anymore, I'm not in my 30s anymore.

I'm kind of like you, I'm enjoying my life so much that I'm at a place that I'm like, yes, if I don't even know if I'll ever want to get married again,

I'm getting pickier and pickier and pickier, but I completely agree with what you said.

It would be like the cherry on my cake, but now I agree, like you know, it's it's completely okay, and it feels so good to be independent and have such a fulfilling life on your own, and it's empowering.

and i think it's so great that you got out of your your

you know bad unhealthy marriage and and that's so that shows you know just such a marked a mark of strength and courage because a lot of people stay and i think that that's so important to remind yourself every single day like i did not stay i got it probably would have been really easy to stay um so i think anyone who's strong enough to kind of walk away from that and say no this is not this is not honoring me this relationship is not

what's best for me and my path and my growth as a human.

And I'm going to leave it here and I'm going to keep on moving.

I think that that's such a mark of

strength and courage.

So you should be very proud of yourself for leaving because I'm sure that there are people.

listening and you know people who who are out there who are trying to figure out how to leave and so i think that that gives yeah that gives a

yeah it was a process yeah definitely and and i talk about that that a lot because it wasn't overnight.

In my case, unfortunately, it took many, many, many years.

And this is one of the main reasons why I do the podcast and I started the podcast because, yes, I think in your case, and my case, that's why we communicate to women all over the world.

You need to be strong on your own, right?

You need to be strong on your own.

And you talk a lot about not settling.

Yes.

And I think this is so

important because I see so many girls like

yeah he's okay but I want to get married and they just settle right like this day and age I hear girls doing that so

since you wrote so many books obviously you're an expert writing about this subject see if there's girls out there listening How

so any tips or anything, what do you say?

How do you convince somebody not to settle?

Because I agree, that's one of the most stupid mistakes.

Like, this is what I would say to my 20s-year-old self.

Like, don't settle.

Don't get married in a hurry.

Don't listen to your family's pressure.

What would you say, like, in terms of not settling?

Right.

Yeah, I mean, I think that the biggest thing to remember is that there is absolutely nothing in this world that is lonelier than being in the wrong relationship.

And I think that a lot of people, they're just, like you said, they're just in a rush to, it's kind of like, and I think women and men do this.

You know, they always, there's that joke on sex in the city about how men are like a taxi cab.

When they're ready to get married, they turn on their, you know, their vacant light and they, the next person who gets in their cab, they're going to marry.

And so I think that that's kind of like, that's a human instinct.

Like once you get to that point where you're like, okay, I need to be married.

I'm ready to be married.

married the next person who i date i'm gonna marry regardless but i think that what you've got to remember in those moments and in your life in general is that it's so much better

to have because yes i mean

you know this anybody who's single knows this yes there are moments of loneliness in the single journey there are days of loneliness there are times when you feel like man you know we just came through the holidays we're getting ready to come up on valentine's day like man i would love to have a partner for this or when you're walking through something challenging or whatever the situation may be.

So, I mean, yeah, there's moments where you're going to deal and you're going to contend with some loneliness as a single person.

But I always say it is so much better to deal with a little bit of loneliness now as a single person than a lifetime of loneliness with the wrong person.

And I think you've just got to ask yourself in all aspects of life, not just relationships, but

friendships and career and, you know, anything that you choose to do in your life, like, is this really the best choice for me?

Is this honoring to me as a human?

Is this fulfilling me?

Is this, is this person or this relationship, are they just a placeholder because I don't want to be alone?

Or are they, you know, stimulating me as a human?

They're engaged in this relationship.

They're, they're, you know, they're, they're reciprocal in the relationship and their time and their commitment and their loyalty and their honesty.

I mean, you've, there's so many, so many things that you've got to take into consideration before entering into a relationship just because you don't want to continue to be alone.

And I think that's why the divorce rate is as high as it is.

I think that's why there are so many unhappy marriages.

We all, you know, out of all the marriages I know, I can name maybe one or two that I would actually want to have that marriage.

You know what I mean?

Like most of them.

are miserable or unhappy or somebody's cheated or, you know, they hate each other and they're just staying married for the kids or whatever.

But I think that that epidemic is because people aren't waiting for the perfect, not necessarily the perfect match, because I don't think there is such thing as a perfect partner, but you're not waiting for someone who would be the best possible fit for you.

People are just settling for whoever happens to be standing right in front of them.

And it's like,

I personally have never been able to do that in my life.

I've never been able to do that in any aspect of my life.

Good for you.

I've walked away from, you know, career paths i've walked away from book deals i've walked away from a tv contract i've walked away from you know publishers and agents and relationships and and friends and many many things in my life because i knew that it wasn't

it wasn't for my best you know what i mean it wasn't for for um

for for

my good.

It was not honoring me as a person.

It was not

adding to my life.

It was subtracting to my life or it would have taken me down a path where I didn't need to go.

And I know that that's not necessarily how the majority of people are.

I think that people are kind of hesitant to

move out of situations that are comfortable and secure because they may not necessarily be honoring you as a person.

But I think that we've really got to develop that perspective in all things.

And if you start practicing it in the smaller things in your life, whether it be your eating habits or your exercise routine or your sleep schedule or, you know, whatever it may be, be if you start incorporating that i'm not going to settle in in every area of your life then when you get to relationships you're able to really step back and say hey am i really choosing this relationship or am i settling for this oh my god no and that's a really tough lesson to learn i've only been learning it the past few years but it's such a good one And it's, I think it's one of the hardest ones that, like you said, most people don't ever learn to put put ourselves first we need to know our value i know you you you create like the most amazing posts about it like like for example one of the top mistakes that most women make i've made this mistake a billion times nowadays i don't i learned my lesson but i'm guilty of it like chasing men like for example going after men That's one of the most stupid mistakes that we all make like all my talk about like the biggest waste of time, right?

And the minute you stop doing that, the minute you like, you know, your worth, you know that there is no amount of chasing that's gonna make a man value you and like you and appreciate you.

It's a game changer and it brings you so much peace.

It changes your life.

Like, what's yours is gonna come to you.

And you wrote a lot about it in one of your books.

And I was actually reading it.

I think you wrote something like five ways or something like that, like to

why you shouldn't chase men, right?

Yeah, five reasons why you should never five reasons why you shouldn't chase a guy.

And I was reading it this morning.

I was like, oh my gosh, she's so right.

And I still have friends that do it.

I did it for, I did it so many times.

And this is typical of mostly women.

I know guys do it too, but this is typical of us not knowing our value or not knowing what we deserve.

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And I actually have a theory about this.

And I won't say like, and you'll know which app I'm referring to, but I'm not going to like call them out publicly because I've actually worked with this app.

Oh, okay.

I don't have negative, anything negative to say about this dating app, but there there was the creation of a dating app several years ago where they flipped the script and the women were the ones who had to reach out first to the men.

I think we all know which one it is, right?

We all know which one it is.

Again,

I don't have anything bad to say about the app, but I think that that simple thing, that simple shift, because that became arguably the most popular dating app, you know, to this day,

it created this mindset of men had been used to, you know, kind of being the initiators and the pursuers and being the one to make the first point of contact.

And then it completely flipped the script and women became the ones who were kind of initiating and pursuing and instigating.

And so I, at least from my own observations, and this is only from my own observations over the last 10 years or so of being on dating apps, I have seen a massive shift since that app kind of took over and has our culture in a chokehold at this point.

I've seen such a shift in dating just since that time because when I first got on dating apps, it was a much different

dating culture.

There was still that guys were still putting in a lot of effort.

They were still making, you know, making conversation and asking you questions and initiating conversations and doing all the things that you would hope that they would do.

And over the last several years in particular, I've seen that a complete shift no matter what app you're on,

where it's, it feels almost like the woman is being expected to carry the weight of the relationship and I'm like, or the communication, whatever.

And I'm like, you know, I don't have very strong, very much upper body strength.

I can't carry around the weight of this relationship on my shoulders.

And so it feels kind of like men, they kind of took a little bit of a backseat.

And they're like, okay, well, we're going to let, if women want to take charge and if women want to to be the ones to initiate, we're gonna, we're gonna sit here and do nothing.

Yeah, and we're gonna let women do all the work, and so it's created this very strange dating culture

where men are wanting to be pursued and wanting to be.

And I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that because I feel like when you're in a dating situation, you should be pursuing each other.

Yeah, but

I'll give an example.

A guy I went out on a few dates with a few months ago, his

biggest bone to pick with me was it was so strange.

He was like, I just don't feel like that you're letting me know at the end of the dates, you're not trying to line up another date with me.

You're not trying to make me feel special.

You're not trying to make me feel like you want to see me again.

You want you to line up the dates?

I'm like, I'm the girl.

Like, you're the guy.

I mean, I'm very, I'm very, I'm a very liberated woman, but at the same time, I'm very traditional in a way

where, like,

he basically was saying he wanted to be treated you know like a queen and like like the woman in the situation and he wanted me to be the one initiative and i'm like that is listen i'm you're you're you're barking up the wrong tree i'm not ever gonna be that girl like i will let you know that i'm interested and i will be engaged and i will ask you questions and i don't even mind asking you out on dates you know sometimes but i'm not going to be the initiator and the the pursuer and the aggressor like that's just not what i'm gonna do and so

i definitely feel like you know women have been put totally in this position

where

we're almost having to do that yeah if we want if we want you know a relationship to happen and that's very frustrating for me because i'm never going to be that that girl and if that's what men are looking for then i guess i'm just gonna be single for now.

No, totally.

Me neither.

And it's interesting that you brought that up about this dating app because another side effect of that is, and I completely agree with what you said,

what's happening to men is that I really feel

that it kind of became like a door dash of people, like the quantity of women.

Like they're just ordering women, like they order pizza.

Like two years ago, yeah, like two years ago, I'll give you my quick story.

I met someone on this dating app and we started dating and he seemed like the perfect guy on paper, blah, blah, blah.

I talked about it on a past season.

He was very convincing, looked me in my face, like, oh, you're the perfect girl for me, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Months and months into dating and being totally all over my life, meeting my friends and meeting my traveling with me, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

One day I found out he was still on the dating app.

Months into the relationship.

And then he said to me, oh, you know why I do it?

Because all these these women like liking me and saying hello to me, it's massaging my ego.

It doesn't mean I want to date them, but they're massaging my ego.

And yeah, like you just said, it's making it so easy.

So, so many guys that at one point, maybe they were interested in a relationship, now many times they're there because,

like this idiot, immature idiot just said, like, oh, look at that.

Yeah, and I wish that that was an outlier.

I wish that that was the exception and not the rule.

But unfortunately, you know, it does seem like we know that, you know, men are very visual creatures.

And

we're sort of in this instant gratification culture of, you know, how many likes can you get?

How many swipes can you get?

And so

it almost feels like there's so many options because you have a zillion different dating apps now.

You have a zillion different matches on all of your dating apps.

And instead of really, you know, channeling effort and intention into a few connections, you have people who are kind of crop dusting.

They're kind of, like you said, Don and Dash, like DoorDash.

They're kind of DoorDash related.

Like they're having all these different very surface level

conversations rather than really diving in with

two or three connections at a time.

It's exhausting that we've created a monster with this dating app.

And

we're going to have a situation where, you know, men and women, I think, are like kids in candy stores.

And they're like, oh, how many matches can I get?

I know.

You're not really looking at it as a serious way to communicate and to make a meaningful connection anymore.

You're just kind of adding up, you know, stocking up likes and matches to feed your ego.

Do you have suggestions for that?

I don't know what the fix is.

I wish I did because I'm not currently on dating apps.

I've taken a step back for the last few months.

I'm actually working with a matchmaker now, which has been really cool.

But I don't know what the fix is.

I really don't.

I wish that I did.

But also, another thing that's been interesting to me

is I've also seen the flip side of things where I've received some

backlash when I share that I'm working with a matchmaker.

And I've had people, oh, well, I thought I followed your page because you're an empowered single woman.

And I'm like, I am an empowered single woman, but it doesn't make you less empowered to hope to someday find a meaningful relationship.

Like,

again, I've never been married.

I've never had that in my life.

I've always been on my own.

So I've never had my shot at it.

So am I going to curl up and die if I never meet someone and if I never get married?

No.

But would I like to eventually have a partner to live out my life with and to be my person and kind of be there for me through the good times and the bad?

Of course.

And it was really frustrating for me because I don't think

I don't want us to get to the point where we, I mean, yeah, I'm all about being empowered and strong and independent and loving your life.

But at the same time,

part of becoming a healthy person is reaching the point where you recognize: hey, I'm ready for a healthy relationship and I'm going to pursue it in a healthy way.

And if nothing comes of it,

oh well, you know, I'll be okay.

But if something does come of it, great.

I'll have new stories to tell and new adventures to go on.

And it's what we were saying in the beginning.

It's all about you have every right in the world to want

a relationship.

You have everything else in your life.

You're super successful.

You are a best-selling author.

You have a successful career.

You're great at what you do.

And like you were saying, it's a part of a fulfilling life.

It's like me.

I want a partner.

I love being in a relationship.

As much as I talk about sex and dating and relationships, I don't go out with all kinds of different men all the time.

I like being in a committed relationship.

So yeah, I want to find the right guy for me.

I still hope I will.

I'm not in a hurry.

I think I get pickier and pickier and pickier as you know the more I live.

And I think that's empowering.

I think that's very empowering because I know my worth, and you write a lot about that.

And I want to talk about a few of your posts before we run out of time.

But

like you said, you have every right in the world.

You can still do your job and you can still encourage women to be the best single version of themselves.

And they will be better partners, by the way.

And this is what I tell all my single girlfriends.

If you love your life and you don't send that vibe of desperation,

I think like you and me, when we find the right partners for us, we are going to be such much better partners because we are in a place that we love our lives.

Exactly.

And you've already, when you already build a life for yourself that you love and you're not expecting this other person to come in and be that life, because nobody can carry the weight of being your entire life's happiness.

That's too much weight to put on the body.

Oh my god, yeah.

Totally.

So when you're actually inviting someone into your life to compliment your life instead of the whole you complete me Jerry McGuire bullshit thing.

You complete me.

You're approaching it from a much healthier perspective and you're recognizing that.

You know, yes, I'm happy to have somebody on my path with me.

But if something happens and they're no longer on my path with me, I'll still be okay.

Yeah, and listen, regarding your critics, you know how it is, right?

You're successful, you kick ass, your work is getting bigger and bigger, which by the way, you deserve big time because it's fabulous.

You're always gonna have the critics, right?

The more success you make, there's always gonna be like the Debbie Downer.

No matter what you do, she's gonna rain on your parade.

So, I always send a lot of love to those girls because they need it the most.

So, that's what I say.

I want to read, I i still gotta squeeze so much in so let me rush i want to read this one post because i think this one is so important and i hope it sinks in and then you tell me what made you inspired to write it okay i'm gonna read it really quickly she wrote it girls please listen up ladies men are not holding back They're not scared.

They're not overwhelmed by the intensity of their feelings for you.

They're not too busy with work.

They're not unsure if they can give you what you deserve.

They're not acting interested.

If they're not acting interested, they're genuinely not interested.

I could not agree with you more.

We create fantasies in our mind like...

They're too busy, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

So can you talk about this post for a minute?

In our defense, I think a lot of men, you know, kind of use some of those things to gaslight us because they don't, instead of people, humans in the year 2024, they avoid confrontation at all costs.

So instead of just telling someone, hey, I'm just not really feeling the connection, we ghost each other or, you know, we come up with some ridiculous reason.

So I think, yeah, I mean, I think I've definitely been guilty.

of trying to read between the lines and see what was really going on, but it's really very very obvious if you've already if you're coming to the place in the relationship where you're having to read between the lines and figure out what's going on and you're examining the relationship with the microscope that's probably a sign that it's not the relationship for you because end of the day it's very very obvious there's a quote I didn't write this quote but I don't know who wrote it but it says something along the lines if they like you you'll know if they don't you'll be confused yes like that's it and it really is as simple as that.

And I think sometimes it goes back to, I don't know if you remember that dating book from years ago.

He's just not that into you.

And I know the author.

He's actually a friend of mine and he's amazing and hilarious and has a wonderful relationship with his wife.

And now, and,

but it really does go back to that.

If they like you, you'll, you'll know.

If they don't, you'll be confused.

And I think we try to

just, we always try to look for the best in people.

I think, especially as women.

And we, it's hard for us to accept.

We want to look for you know, the deeper hidden meaning, but it really is very obvious.

If they're not making it obvious, if they're not making an effort, if they're not initiating conversation with you and trying to see you and trying to talk to you and be in your life,

there really is no gray area here.

Like, they're just not as interested in you as they should be, or as much as you deserve.

Someone move on, right?

Move on.

Because nobody's too busy, like you know.

Um, oh, he didn't text, they didn't lose the phone, they know your number, they know where you are.

If they're not making plans with you on the weekend, they're making plans with somebody else,

yep.

There is no point in wasting our time, right?

Like, move on to somebody else who actually cares about you.

Yep, catch and release.

I know

this is one of those posts that when you read it, it's like ouch.

But nobody is too busy to text you if the guy likes you they'll go pee

and they they'll text you from the bathroom basically right that is absolute facts and now that doesn't mean that he has to be texting you 24 7 we all have you know busy lives we all have careers and families and friends and other things to do but so i'm not saying like a man has to be because i've i've been in those situations too where a guy's wanting to text all day long every five minutes throughout the day and I'm like listen I have a job I have to you know so I think we've got to just keep it in perspective though if you're not hearing from him regularly if he's not making an effort to talk to you and communicate with you and spend time with you there really is no

no again nobody is that busy nobody is that stressed nobody has that much going on in their lives that they cannot carve out time

to spend with someone that they really care about and that they want to pursue a relationship with.

Move on.

Now, you mentioned Valentine's Day in the beginning of our conversation.

So let's talk about that for a minute because I know it's really tough for a lot of people.

Valentine's Day coming up, single girls out there.

I say single girls because I think women are a little more emotional than men.

But I know some guys,

it's tough too, because it's the day of love, right?

It's not necessarily the day of couples, but I have girlfriends that they get so depressed.

They're like, oh my God, I'm going to hide at home because I'm single.

Do you have anything that you say?

What do you say, like, for the single girl out there on Valentine's Day if they don't have a day to?

What do you do?

Should they hide at home?

I typically try to do something for my audience.

Like, I'll do a Facebook live or I'll do some kind of something on Valentine's Day

for people who don't have anywhere to go and don't have anything to do.

But it really is, at the end of the day, it really is just another day.

It really is just another day.

And it's only going to last 24 hours.

Even the worst day only lasts 24 hours.

And if you just kind of keep it in perspective, I like how you said it's a day of love.

And I think that shifting your perspective to recognize that there are so many other kinds of love in your life that have nothing to do with romantic love and celebrating those, whether it be, you know, love of friends or family or you know, your pets or yourself or whatever it may be, a love of a hobby that you have or find something to do.

And maybe your something is staying home and watching, you know, rom-coms or watching a funny movie to get your mind off things or eating ice cream or whatever it is to get you, whatever you need to do to get you through the day, it's okay.

Just really make that, if you don't have anything else to do on Valentine's Day, decide that that is going to be the day that you just absolutely self-care it like

to the max.

Like you do something nice for yourself.

You buy something nice for yourself.

You give yourself a facial, you go get a pedicure, you buy a new book, you, you know, you go for a run, you do something productive that feeds your soul and your spirit.

And don't get so blinded by the fact that you don't have a romantic relationship that you miss out on all the other amazing, you know, forms of love that you have in your life that are worthy of celebrating.

Because again, we've got to keep everything in its place and in its perspective.

Romantic relationships are nice, but they're just a part of your life.

They're just a part of your life.

Let's let them be just a part of

our lives and not let the lack of them eclipse the rest of our amazing

lives that we've built for ourselves.

I love that.

And this is the suggestion that I use for myself if I'm single on Valentine's Day.

And that's what I tell my girlfriends.

Don't go home and cry because you don't have a boyfriend.

Do something for yourself.

Go to the spa,

right?

Buy yourself a gift, get a massage, self-love, self-love.

Oh, remember, it's not just about a boyfriend.

If your mom is alive, buy your mom roses.

You know, like I miss my mom so much.

I wish, like, I had my mom to give a rose, or like, your best friend.

You know, I don't know, do something special for someone, you know.

Don't focus like on a boyfriend, and then instead of suffering because you don't have that boyfriend, you remember that it's just an extra day to celebrate love a little more.

I just think sometimes people get really caught up, like, oh my god, I can't believe I'm not like with that romantic partner, and then that's why they get it.

I'm being honest, I had a date last Valentine's Day, and I mean, it was fine.

I was dating a guy at the time, and it was, you know, we had a nice night, but

it's nothing that I

probably have had more fun at home by myself watching movies and reading a good book, you know?

So it's like I've had both sides of the coin and that's not saying that I don't again it's not saying that either way is right or wrong I've experienced both and I've had just as much fun either hanging out by myself or going over to see my girlfriend or us going to see a movie or you know whatever it may be so I think it's all about the mindset that you carry.

If you're determined to be miserable on Valentine's Day, you'll be, you can find a way.

I mean, you can absolutely, you can always find a reason and a way to be miserable.

But if you go into the day with the mindset that hey, this is just one day and I'm gonna do something nice for myself.

I'm gonna plan something fun for myself, even if that's something fun is just staying at home watching a movie or reading a good book.

And also the very next day, all the Valentine's candy at the store is like 75% off.

So there's that supernatural.

You know, it's a mid-minute, really.

You're the best.

Oh, we're running out of time and I still have so much I want to cover.

But I just want to to mention really, really, really quickly, you have a new book coming out.

Or I don't know if it's already available, but the message is so beautiful.

It's called Turn Toward the Sun.

And you talk about something so

important.

Embracing the moment.

We all know that life doesn't always turn the way we hope it should be.

I'm living proof of that.

I survived 14 years of abuse.

Yeah, and I know a lot of women survived a lot worse things than me, but it's a very inspiring book.

Can you tell us really quickly about it and when is it going to be available?

It's out.

It's out already.

It's out really anywhere books are sold.

Amazon.

You can find it on Amazon.

Barnes and Noble, Books a Million, really anywhere.

That book was really written from a very unique place.

We all know how awful the pandemic was, and going through those couple of years of pandemic life.

And in the midst of all of that,

in the year 2020,

both of my parents were diagnosed with cancer within one month of each other in August and September of 2020.

And my parents are, I'm very close with them.

They're like my best friends.

And it was

the most devastating thing that had ever hit my family.

And so

between the not, you know, the pandemic, everything felt so uncontrolled.

Life felt like you were not in control at all.

There was nothing you could do to change what was happening.

And then on top of that, to have both of my parents diagnosed with cancer, they're both still here, thankfully.

They're both, you know, responding.

well to treatment.

It's been a very challenging few years, but in the midst of all of that,

my dad and I, you know, really had a mantra of, you know, we can choose to look at all the big scary what-ifs,

because there's a lot of what-ifs that come along with cancer and with pandemics and with all the big challenging things of life.

Or we can just live in the what-is

and we can face each moment as it comes.

And so, that really honestly kept me sane and kept my head above water, that perspective in those you know, two or three really awful years.

And thankfully, we're coming out on the other other side of that and I'm so grateful to have both my parents still here and I'm I'm

yeah just learning and it's something that I have to choose to do every single day because I've dealt with anxiety in the past and a pandemic and my parents being sick that certainly didn't help with the anxiety but just recognizing that there's absolutely nothing you can do about the big what-ifs but you can absolutely choose to live 100% in the present moment and embrace everything as it comes and know that you'll be strong enough to face everything as it comes because you will.

And I think it's really important because so many people

we make this mistake, right?

We plan the future, the future, the future, the future.

We don't know if the future is going to be there.

And it's an important lesson to embrace the moment a lot more.

And I learned that, yeah, like we need to be more grateful for today.

Just go for it.

And that's a big message.

Even like with your page, The Single Woman,

enjoy being single.

Enjoy every day.

Enjoy your life, right?

Don't have so much anxiety about what's going to happen like five, ten years from now, because God knows, we don't even know if we're going to be around.

But it's such a beautiful, inspirational book.

Um, and your work is incredible.

I think we all learned during the pandemic and in our own unique ways because I think everybody went through their own personal hell through the pandemic.

I've heard so many stories of so many things that people went through in their personal lives.

I think we really recognize what's important and how precious life is.

And I think you, like you said, you just have to embrace every moment because life is really such a beautiful gift.

And

if you wait, if you wait, if you wait, if you wait, I'm going to wait to be happy till I'm married.

I'm going to wait to be happy until I have a child.

I'm going to wait to be happy until I buy a house.

You're going to literally spend your life waiting to be happy when you can choose this moment to be happy.

Yeah, and I am very, very honored that you're here.

You're adorable.

Your books, I mean, I'm definitely gonna read all of them.

I already ordered a couple on Amazon.

I can't wait for them to arrive.

Guys, please, please check her page because guaranteed fabulous inspirational posts every single day.

The single woman on Instagram, you're on TikTok as well, right?

Your TikTok.

I just started on TikTok.

I saw that.

I'm a very late adopter to TikTok, so I'm still figuring it out.

If you want to follow me, I'm pretty much on any platform, any social media platform at the single woman.

On Instagram is the single woman, and people can buy your books.

They can find all your work if they follow you on Instagram, The Single Woman.

All the links for the books are there as well, right?

Yes.

Thank you so much, Mandy.

You're amazing.

I really appreciate it.

Thank you guys.

And be happy, single or not, right, Mandy?

Yes, yes, life is short.

Yes, and I hope you come to LA so we can actually meet in person, have some coffee, and do another one.

I would love that.

I would love it.

And I'm sure your prince is trying to find you because you're a rare diamond.

Well, we will see.

We will see.

I'm going to be happy regarding.

I'm sure he's out there.

Stay tuned.

Thank you so much, guys.

Be safe out there, and I'll see you very soon.

Thank you, Mandy.

Many kisses.

I'll talk to you soon.

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