LIFE COACH, AUTHOR & SPEAKER RANDY SPELLING

Guys, happy Friday.

I am so extra, extra excited because my guest is someone that I truly admire.

I've been following his work, I think, ever since I was a kid.

And when I found out he's a very successful life coach, I was like, oh my god, I have to have him in.

Before we start, let me introduce you, Randy Spelling.

Hi, Randy.

Hi, Kat.

Thank you.

Thank you so much for being on Cat on the Loose.

Absolutely.

It's such an honor.

It's such an honor.

It's such a fun day, like I said.

Yes, right to GIF.

So as I was telling you before I got started, I got over 300 questions from you.

I try to cram that into maybe 12 or 15.

Let's rock and roll if you're ready to put as much information as possible because apparently you have a lot of funds all over the world.

Yeah, yeah, I'm ready.

Okay.

So for most of most people know that you were born into Hollywood royalty, right?

I grew up watching your dad's shows.

For those of you who live under a rock, his dad was one of the most famous TV producers in the world, if not the most famous TV producer of all times.

And

you were born into this family of wealth, of luxury, of money.

We're going to talk about all of that, the mansion that you grew up in.

So you were born in Hollywood.

So the first question, Dina from Long Island sent, let's start there, let's like rewind the tape and so we get here, so people understand your work.

Dina from Long Island sent this question and a lot of people sent the same question.

Did you feel a lot of pressure growing up with such a famous father?

Aaron Spelling, or pressure from your family in general that you felt you needed to work in the entertainment industry?

Yeah, I don't know if it

I don't know if I would describe it as pressure to have to work in the entertainment industry.

My parents never said you have to do this.

They really left it up to me.

My sister Tori always wanted to be in entertainment, so that was easy for her.

For me,

I didn't want to be in front of the camera, but

it's natural, you know, to see your father and someone who's successful.

So

I said, well, I want to be a producer.

I just want to do what my dad does.

Right.

And then

there was just this unspoken

idea that there's this bubble of Hollywood.

How could you do anything else?

Exactly.

Yeah.

There's so much glamour, and

you get, you know, acknowledged and kind of put on a pedestal.

So the ego part of me at some point when I got older was like, oh, of course I should do this because this is where I'm going to be successful and famous.

And I didn't consider much else because of my family origin and living in Hollywood.

Yeah, but let's so give us the like the because as outsiders, okay, we are not in that bubble.

Uh, I grew up in LA, by the way.

My dad was a TV producer, but like nothing, nothing, nothing compared to your father.

My father was more like music videos, TV commercials, da da da da.

So I know for me, as a kid, it was like, oh my God, it was just work i'm on this tv sets i'm on these movie sets i can't believe i'm doing this for me as a kid i saw that as work not as something i wanted to do so a lot of people send the same question they have this curiosity you ended up working as an actor at some point right uh were you following but did you feel like it's something i want to try to do or did you feel like In my case, for example, my father basically threw me in there.

You just go and work.

Did you feel pressure?

Or maybe you felt like your sister like you said she was a natural edit I'm gonna try the same how was it for you yes so for me I did not want to be in front of the camera like I said

and when Beverly Hills 90210

first started and then I think it was a year maybe two in when it got popular

My dad said, well, just try.

Just try.

Okay.

I'm going to make a little tiny part for you as a cabana boy.

And I had one line.

Do you want me to go get Henry?

Really?

Yeah.

And I remember it was summertime.

I wanted to play with my friends.

I had to go on set.

We waited around all the time, but then I would go up and say the line, you know, 30 times.

And then they'd have to cut to a different angle.

And I'd have to say it again.

And at that age, I just didn't want anything to do with Henry.

I remember going home and saying, nope.

I don't, I don't like it.

I don't want to do it.

Not for me.

How old were you, Randy, when you did the Beverly House Lanchmano episode?

13.

13, yeah, because I remember, obviously, I grew up watching it.

I watched every single episode, like most teenagers in the United States and in the world.

And I remember when you came in, do you think your dad gave you a tiny part?

Because a lot of people criticize kids of producers, right, of famous people like Nepotism, his daughter is there, his son is there just because he's like writing the show.

Do you think he gave you a tiny part so people didn't criticize you and him, or do you think he gave you a tiny part to make it easy for you?

How was that?

No, I think if anything, he would have to struggle with people talking about nepotism.

So I think the only reason why he did it is because

A, he could.

And B, he probably wanted me to try to see if I would be interested.

Naturally, this is his business.

This is his world.

I think, you know,

it's fair to say, hey, you know, give my kids a shot and see if they like it.

I remember fighting so hard against nepotism.

Tori got a lot of that.

And for me,

I

kind of circumvented it a little bit.

I kind of just sidestepped it.

But it was there.

And I remember casting directors would say all the time, wow, you know.

You surprised me.

You're actually pretty good.

I didn't think you were going to be good because you're Aaron Spelling's son.

Yeah.

So Kat, you know,

but the nepotism thing I think is really silly.

It's kind of funny because you have a family of doctors and you know, if they can make an inn for their child to work at the hospital, people aren't shouting out nepotism everywhere.

If you're a mechanic, right, and you own

an auto shop, and then all of a sudden the kid starts working there.

There's no nepotism being thrown around.

But for some reason in the industry, especially back then, this big idea of like, oh, nepotism, that's kind of taboo, but why?

Exactly.

Oh my god, 1 million percent.

And actually, yesterday I was just reading that Gwyneth Paltrow made this comment: like, kids of famous people, yeah, we get our food in the door, which is great, but she feels like you guys have to try double as hard as like a normal person because everybody's looking at it.

And she got a ton of like nasty, nasty criticism about it.

People were calling her out on Twitter and everything, but I kind of agree with her.

Of course, in one hand, you're super lucky that you're there, but you just have to be proving yourself, proving yourself, because everybody's staring at you, like saying, Oh, he's there because his dad is famous, right?

That was kind of like the next question.

Sorry, let me squeeze that in because I promised I was gonna tell people like their names for a shout-out.

Matthew Smith Jones, all the way from London, said, I'm a huge fan.

I was a huge fan of your dad, and that was the question.

Do you think your last name helped you or always made things harder for you?

Both.

Both.

Has to be both, right?

It helped me to get representation.

It's very easy to get an agent back when, you know, my father was alive.

And in the high years, like, oh, sure, we'll represent Randy.

So there were things that were easier.

much easier to get into a club when I was you know 17, 18 years old in Los Angeles.

But the downside was I had huge shoes to fill.

Everyone had expectations and the spotlight was on because

I think there are a lot of people who are like, oh, we want him to fail or we don't want him to be good.

Oh, yes.

So I felt a ton of pressure in that way to rise above people's expectations.

And it's hard when you look around and know, wow, people are really judging me more than anybody else.

1 million percent.

Like I said, I can only imagine because when we hear your dad's name to this day, many, many years after he's gone, I mean, he's an icon, he's a legend.

I cannot imagine the pressure for kids to grow up in that atmosphere.

And I would guess, unfortunately, it's human nature.

A lot of people probably try to get close to you and your sister for the wrong reasons.

Did that happen to you?

Other than acting like when you went to school in real life, did you feel like you had a lot of fake friends around?

He's thinking.

no you're lucky

because I mean sure were there people at times

I'm sure but my close friends

I am an authentic person so I wanted to feel the authentic friendship and if someone was just around or hanging on and I could feel that I wouldn't be friends with them

okay so yeah you're lucky in that sense because I know this industry can be super cutthroat people see and we're going to get into that in your work in a few minutes, but going down the timeline of your life.

Okay, so you did 90210.

You said you did only that one episode of the Cabana Boy?

No, no.

So then I didn't act for a few years.

And there was this one moment.

I talk about this in other interviews where we were at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas.

90210 was huge.

And we were there as a family and my sister and my dad were getting mobbed.

I mean, literally hundreds of of people, security everywhere.

And what I watched then, and I was about 15, what I watched was people who would otherwise pass each other, never connect, never really look at one another.

Now they're shaking and they're hugging and they're smiling and their whole day is changed.

Really?

By seeing someone.

And in that moment, I didn't know this at the time, but in retrospect, why that was so enticing to me

was I thought, that's powerful.

What could I do with that?

I wanted to impact people then and I thought, woo, I like that.

So that coupled with, you know, probably the part of me that wanted more self-worth, wanted to be seen in a different way.

I was, you know, 15 and I thought, okay, maybe I want to do this.

And shortly after, I mean, a day or two after, I remember being at dinner and telling my parents, I think I want to try acting.

Okay, so you tried it for a while.

So now let's go

to the next level of how your life started changing.

And again, a lot of people send that question.

Larry, yeah, Larry Sanchez from Houston, Texas.

He said, you are working in Beverly Hills, you're working with your family, you're working with your sister, you're like living in this multi-million dollar house.

Like you have the world by

the balls, so to speak.

What happened?

And we read interviews about it.

You had episodes with drugs and alcohol, correct?

So, what happened that you lost control, and that it's so just tell us the transition that you were like, oh my god, I need to get out of this life.

Yeah, I, you know, I think

I was always searching for my place.

So, big picture here,

take away

the bigness and the house and the money, because I think we all want to think that that's the magic pill that fixes everything.

But deep down, we know that

you can get that and still be unhappy.

Oh, yeah.

So I was searching for purpose.

I was searching for who am I.

I was an ultra-sensitive kid.

I could feel other people's emotions.

And I had no idea what to do with that or how to navigate that.

So I think, you know, for me, that caused some problems.

I'm sure there were a lot of things unspoken that I didn't say that I wanted to say when I was little.

I wasn't great at expressing myself and dealing with things.

And so that built up.

And I think that led me-you know, I was searching for what's going to make me fulfilled.

I was always seeking.

I was a voracious reader by the time I was 18, studying meditation and metaphysics and psychology.

And I just wanted to know

who I was and where my place is in this universe.

And so

that mixed with

all the things that I didn't say and some things that

I was dealing with led to drugs and alcohol.

And then I became addicted.

And so.

So how old were you?

You were acting and you decided to try some drugs?

No, I started.

I mean, I had my first drink when I was 13.

You know, I saw people in movies drinking when something something bad happened, right?

Even today, it's like someone gets fired, they go to the bar and drink.

We're so programmed for that.

And then my friend and I, we were going to have these two girls over to hang out with us one night, and they flaked.

And so we looked at each other and we said, well, we might as well just go to the bar.

And I went downstairs.

My parents had a bar and we drank and got drunk.

And that, you know, was my first time.

And then, you know, I lived kind of fast.

I was going to rap rap parties i was going to different nightclubs and different things early on so i think this life gives you access to a lot of things early on as well right i had access and exposure um and then you know creatively i was i was trying to fulfill myself as an actor and then i was doing tv someone said you have to do movies to to make it more so i was like okay i'll do some feature films and i remember doing the feature film i didn't really feel any different and then i went into the music industry because I thought I'll carve my path there

and, you know, had my partner and I, I remember I had my feet up on the desk and I was saying, okay, you know, now I have this company

and I didn't feel any different.

So I kept searching, searching, searching, filling this void and filling this void with external substances.

So you were doing drugs and alcohol during you were like a teenager and you're acting, but you're doing drugs.

No, I didn't really start doing drugs.

I mean, I I think I smoked pot when I was 15 or 16.

That's kind of doing drugs, I think, until 18, and then it really got bad around 2021.

Okay, so how did you figure it out?

Like, okay, this is really bad.

And then you decided to change your life?

Because a lot of people out there,

you know, many people send this question.

It's easy because now they see you and you're a successful life coach.

You have amazing insight.

We're gonna get into that, guys, in a minute.

But when you're in Hollywood and again, you're like acting, your dad is powerful, la la la la.

People say, Well, but it's easy for you to say, like, Oh, I'm gonna change my life, I'm gonna turn my life around.

But not everybody has the tools or the privilege to do so.

So, did something happen, or you just woke up and said,

I'm done.

How do you make that change?

Yeah, I um

I mean, I

got into trouble, I had two DUIs.

Oh, wow, okay.

You know, I wound up in the hospital.

There were a couple times where I came to consciousness on the street looking up at firemen saying, sir, sir, are you okay?

I mean, I was at, my friends thought I was going to die.

So I was at the point where I was kind of at the point of no return.

And when my father passed away right around that time, I remember I just fell to my knees one night, late, three in the morning, and I just said, because I had all this spiritual experience at 18 to 20 of you know meditation and I had some real connection and experiences so I knew that there was more than meets the eye to this physical reality and I just said I know that I'm here for more I feel it in my bones if I'm not take me out I'm not going to do it myself but if I am here for more help me.

I don't know how.

I don't know what to do, but help me.

And I think asking, literally asking with all my heart and fiber of my being, helped put something into motion.

And then I went to rehab for the second time.

I stopped doing drugs and alcohol.

And then it was scary as shit.

So anyone who says, well, it's so easy,

it was easy because I had the money to pay for rehab.

But if you look at the statistics of rehab of people who go and stay clean, it's like 13%.

Nothing about getting over addiction is easy.

Nothing about getting over wounds and pains and hurt or any sort of trauma.

Nothing about that is easy.

So if anyone looks at me now or for anyone and you look and you say, oh, well, it must be easy for them.

That's work.

That is self-work.

That is time.

That is energy.

That is willingness.

That is fighting days of hopelessness and getting through that.

I am so glad you are saying that and you're brave enough to put it all out there because I agree with you.

People, especially nowadays, because of social media, because of the work we do they look at us and they say oh everything is so easy it's easy for you to say la la la la la i don't know if you know randy but i was married to an alcoholic for 15 years i was in an abusive relationship for 15 years and a lot of people ask me why did you stay why did you because like you said it's it takes forever and ever and ever sometimes to gather the courage and say you know what i've had enough I'm gonna save myself.

Whatever situation it is.

And you're absolutely right.

Most people that go to rehab many times you go because your family takes you there because your friends take you there and then the minute you you walk out you do the same crap again i think it takes like an inner strength right you it has to be a personal decision to say i'm going to change my life so you this you got to this point you didn't want to die you wanted to change your life You said to yourself and to your family, I'm not going to act anymore.

I'm going to change my life.

How did you do that transition?

Because Because I want to talk about your work after you explain the transition.

Yeah, so with the transition,

so interesting thing, when you become addicted to something or you really start using something heavily to medicate in some way, is what I find with a lot of people is you stunt yourself emotionally.

So when I stopped this,

I was like a 13-year-old boy in a 26-year-old body.

I was like, oh my gosh, how do I have a, how do I have sex?

How do I have a relationship?

Who am I?

Ow, everything.

That's how I feel now, by the way.

I'm like,

I feel like I'm 20.

I'm learning everything all over again.

And people are like, what the hell is wrong with you?

I'm like, because for 15 years, I lived like in this crazy universe, you know, you have to learn everything all over again, right?

You do, you really do.

So then I started saying, who do I want to be?

What do I want to do here?

And I said, said, you know what?

There were some things that happened right around the time that I was,

when I got clean and I was like, oh, the entertainment business.

I don't know.

I don't think this is for me.

I want to go a different route.

I want to help people.

Someone suggested life coaching.

I signed up for,

you know, it was about a year, year and a half long course.

And I just thought, I'll study because they're great tools.

I was already going to therapy.

I was doing some spiritual work.

And I thought, these are great tools.

And then

in the course, they said, well, you need to coach as many people as possible.

And I had a mentor and I had to work with people.

So I started working with people.

And through the process of working with people,

there were some moments where, you know, I watched that make a difference in people's lives.

And there was that connection.

It was almost this beautiful montage that you would see on TV where all of the different vignettes of my life and that moment at Caesar's Palace where I saw the connection and I thought, oh, that's powerful.

That person's life can be changed from that moment.

I was seeing this in real time with the people that I was working with, and there was just it was, it was as if there were a row of check marks and it went ding, ding, ding.

You found your calling.

I really, really like this.

Was your family supportive of this major change in careers?

Was your dad supportive?

They were.

I think they were surprised.

You know, I think there was a moment of, oh,

okay.

You know,

sure.

But, you know,

I stayed with it and I built a business and I built a craft and I worked with people for it's been 15 years now.

And you're great at it, by the way.

But you lived in here in LA, in Hollywood.

The geography changed.

Why was that?

Because,

wait, let me give him a shout out.

Because, where is he?

Robbie Matthew from Seattle asked you, he read your interview on page six, where you explained what you just explained to us.

You thought you were going to die if you stayed there.

You had this car accident.

So, you said, I'm going to leave Hollywood.

And then you got this calling.

You decided you should try being a life coach, but you physically, geographically, moved away.

Did you feel that was necessary, or did you move away for other reasons?

i did feel it was necessary but it

it wasn't a i didn't know all the pieces just like so many times when we make decisions we want to have everything and figure out what is the exact outcome going to be of this yeah i followed an inner feeling uh the woman i was dating at the time who's now my wife She said, you know, how long do you want to live in LA?

Do you want to live in LA forever?

Did you meet her in LA?

What?

You met your wife here in L.A.?

I met her in Los Angeles.

She's not from Los Angeles, but she was working there for a couple of years.

And it got me thinking, what is really tethering me to LA?

Yes, I have family there.

Yes, I have friends, but

I want to know myself beyond what I already know.

And I think one of the only ways to do that is to find myself somewhere else, to get a little bit uncomfortable, to start to navigate things that I haven't navigated before.

And that was a big impetus to move.

Okay, so were you afraid?

Did you think maybe if I stay in Hollywood, I'm going to go back to doing what I was doing before?

Do you think you had a little fear of that?

No.

I don't think that my decision to move to Portland was based out of fear.

I think it was based out of excitement and newness and possibility.

And

kind of like a relationship, it just didn't hold what it once did.

I mean, this is where I spent all of my life.

But as I was starting to find myself,

I didn't feel that I was necessarily the best fit at that time for Los Angeles.

I wasn't getting what I needed anymore.

So it was time to move on.

Okay, got it.

Before we take a break, one more quick question.

Sidney Palmer from New York,

you married a civilian, meaning she's not an actress, she's not an actor, she's not in this industry, she's not famous.

Was this intentional to your new life?

And he also asked, have you dated actresses before?

I've dated actresses.

I've dated people in the music business, and I've dated people outside of all of it.

And

again, when you meet someone, sort of like Portland called to me, right?

There was this, it called me.

Same thing.

When I met someone, it wasn't I'm never gonna date anyone else again in the entertainment industry.

It was that I met someone.

She happened to be outside of the entertainment industry, and there was this connection that worked.

And it was a good fit for you.

So it wasn't like intentional.

I'm not going to marry an actress.

No.

No.

Okay, awesome.

I'm going to take a two-minute break, and when we come back, let's jump into your work and ask questions about it.

Because

let's be honest, a lot of people out there need help.

And it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to hear from someone like you.

And to me,

it is very interesting how you try to translate your experiences, your past life, into helping people that may be having similar problems.

We'll be right back with Randy Spelling.

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Okay, I'm back with Randy's panel, and we're trying to pack as much as we possibly can into this one-hour episode because you guys bombarded me with questions.

So, I apologize if I'm not doing all of you.

Hopefully, he'll come back for another episode.

But during our two-minute break, Randy, you and I are talking about this major stereotype.

I get dozens of messages about that, and now I got hundreds of questions for you you saying the same thing.

It is so easy for you to talk about it.

It is so easy for you to say.

But it's not.

We were just saying, you see the final product.

You see the social media.

You see our, but you don't see the behind the scenes.

So can you elaborate on that?

Yes.

So the reason why I was saying, you know, I want to address this again.

Yeah.

Again, I'm a coach.

I'm a change maker.

I'm here to help people grow and shift and change.

It's not about how I look.

If you, you know, want to judge me for anything, by all means, please judge me.

That's your prerogative.

The idea here, though, is, because this is missed, if you're looking at people and saying, well, it's so easy for them.

It's so easy for them.

Tune in for a moment to how you feel.

Because what it is, is it's kind of scapegoating.

saying, well, it's easy for you to say that.

You have XYZ, which really means I don't have this.

I'm not this you are.

So you separate from that.

And I think what's so difficult about that is you're missing a huge opportunity.

It's like my two daughters, you know, when they're looking at how big the other slice of cake is on her sister's plate, or oh my gosh, your apple was bigger than mine, or she got more.

You're focused on someone else, not that, oh, great, they're having fruit.

That is such a good analogy.

We can all eat.

it's so easy for you to get that and how do they feel inside they feel bad and then that turns into i can't i'm not worth it it's not easy it's too hard and then you don't try and nothing changes yeah

But well, obviously, social media puts major pressure on people out there.

Like we were saying, my social media is work.

It's where we promote our projects, promote the pod.

That's where we make money.

It's not real life.

And I agree with you.

Life, for some people, it's easy all the time.

Fantastic.

But for

most of us, it's daily work, work, work.

It's daily grind, grind, grind.

But

they look at social media and they read into that.

And they are sitting on their couch.

Oh, it's easy for Randy because he grew up in this famous family.

It's easy for Kat because she's blonde and pretty.

Yeah, right.

So what do you tell somebody?

Like, break the stereotype, right?

Do the work.

Don't sit on your couch thinking that it's easy.

But people continuously do that.

So, if you got a client that comes and says, Oh, Randy, you know, it's easy for you to say, but I don't have your money, I don't have your brains, I don't have your career.

How do I get started?

Is there one

first easy step to change your life?

Yeah, I mean, it's such a generalized question.

I think the real question is:

what area would you like to change first?

Focus on one area and then start asking how, not well, it's so easy for Randy or Kat.

Dig deeper.

Find out how they did it.

What made a difference for them, right?

Because maybe out of the 500 things that they did, maybe some required funds that you don't have.

If that's not possible for you, okay, next step.

What did they do?

Well, they looked at themselves in the mirror and they said this, that, that.

They went to bed every night doing this.

You could do that.

And just by listening and understanding that, that's free.

You don't need any money or fame or extra resources, but you need a willingness to start to ask what made the difference and start to see

if they could do it.

I have this similar equipment to do the same thing too.

But what does that look like for me in my life where I'm at?

And start to get a foothold one step at a time this doesn't just have to be for addiction one step one step

better yourself more today than yesterday and I'm glad you touched on the subject of money because obviously money is a very sensitive subject for most people on the planet it's sensitive for me for me too by the way the people that read my book people that follow my podcast they know i was married to a gazillionaire and it's a very long story but when he died I lost everything and it happens in the United States la la la I decided I'm gonna roll up my sleeves and I'm gonna work again and I'm literally at my age starting everything from scratch so when I get these messages like oh she's in Beverly Hussein she's a multi-millionaire again no I grind like there is no tomorrow and my closest friends can attest to that and you have it doesn't matter what you do in life you have to put in the work even if you are the son of a multimillionaire right you are proof of it and even your sister is proof proof of it.

I don't want to talk about her because that's a whole other show, but like you said, the girl is like, I want to be an actress, and the whole world falls on her head because her father is famous.

So, you touched on the let's talk about the money part.

Some people send the question, like, oh, I would love to work with a life coach, I would love to improve my life, but I can't afford it.

Any tips for people that cannot afford working with a life coach?

Absolutely.

So, number one, I have free trainings.

Wow, really?

Okay, see, there you go, guys.

Sign up for my, go on my website, sign up for, you know, newsletter, contact form.

I'll show up to my trainings free.

Wow, that's amazing.

You know, free.

I have a membership group, you know, that ranges.

You know, it's,

it's less than $100 a month.

I understand it might be tight for some people,

but here's the thing: when you look at, oh my gosh, I'd love to afford a life coach who's working with people, it's probably thousands of dollars.

It's amazing how people can spend $50,

$80 in a month.

I mean, really search right now.

Some people are on a very fast income, but for anyone listening to this,

could you afford $40

a month if that is one of the things that's going to change

your life,

to me, it's a no-brainer.

It's like we will take the car in.

We will, you know, once in a while, we'll go get us coffee at Starbucks or a meal out, or we pay for things that we don't otherwise need.

But a small investment that could literally change how you feel about your daily life.

Yeah.

lead to healthier habits, lead to a career change, lead to making more money.

Why wouldn't you invest in that?

And look, if it's not me

or anything that I offer, there's so much in there.

There are resources out there.

I agree.

Just don't send us this message.

Oh, it's easy for you to say.

It's not easy for anybody.

And I don't know if you ever did that, but a big wake-up call for me, guys, by the way, because he was saying 40 bucks, 20 bucks, 60 bucks.

When I was doing my taxes, i you know how you put like all the uber eats and the the uber uber rides

coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee i was like oh my god that was like a few thousands of dollars i'm not kidding was a little over two thousand dollars i spent on food and i was like stop it you know what i did i deleted all the food apps

I started buying coffee.

It sounds ridiculous, but if you guys do that, like you were saying, you could be paying for like a membership coaching or for a life coach, or like a gym membership.

I don't know what your biggest problem is, but you got to put yourself in check, right?

Before you say, like, that everything is so expensive and out of reach,

absolutely.

Okay, so now you can.

Wait, wait, wait, what am I?

One last thing, yeah.

Okay, for anyone saying that it's easy,

I

feel and understand your struggles, but please understand,

it's not like I'm above stress.

And it's not like in my life I never freaked out about money.

I actually, one of my Achilles heel was my relationship to money.

I thought about it 14 hours a day.

It haunted me.

Really?

It obsessed me.

I thought I wasn't going to have enough.

I used to drive by

freeway underpasses.

And I would look at my spot that if I needed to, where I would see

how I never came to that.

Yeah.

Right?

But what I want to say is, you guys, we are in this together.

Let's stop separating.

So-and-so is above because they lived here, they grew up like this, or they have this.

Life

is hard.

Life, being human, is a struggle.

No one is above that.

I've worked with people who have very little.

I've worked with people who have, for me, outside, everything.

And do you know, those people are just as as unhappy.

They still have

just as much because how they go to bed at night, no matter what thread count the sheets are, no matter what golden guild, they're still in their head looking at who they are, the choices that they've made, what they want out of life.

We all struggle and we are in this together.

So instead of separating,

Try and find the common denominator and say, How can we all lift each other up?

Oh my god, 1 million percent.

I love that you said that because it is so true.

Plus, let's be real.

If being in Hollywood, being in Beverly Hills, and having millions of dollars was like the secret to happiness,

everybody here would have a phenomenal life.

And we all know, unfortunately, there are many tragedy, tragic stories: people that died here, people that killed themselves, people that got into drugs in this industry and didn't get out.

Correct, Randy.

Right, so you look at

it's sad, but it's true.

You look at Anthony Bourdain, right?

You're like, here, right.

Oh, my God.

You look at

so many different songs.

We watched his shows, and we thought, I remember thinking, he has my dream life.

I want to have his job and I want to travel the world and I want to eat good food.

And many times, we don't know the struggles that people have in their head, right?

That's what I'm saying.

We have no idea.

It's a projection.

Yeah.

But it's a false projection.

Totally.

It's not accurate.

Yeah.

So that's the question here alisa majors from ireland i don't know how ireland found caron d'eleuze but i i have like a lot of listeners in ireland so hi ireland people i love you guys uh

she said

you have two kids now if your kids wanted to go into acting and move to hollywood and have the life that you left behind

what would you say and what would your wife say you're going to be supportive are you going to try to convince them otherwise

it would be a series of talks it wouldn't just be one there's still very little right can you tell us about

look i'm always going to be supportive of what they want to do i i cannot forbid my children to do anything especially if it's something that they're interested in but i want them to understand the full picture of it and i think sometimes you know it can be easy to go well follow your dreams follow your dreams, follow your dreams,

but understand

the world that you're stepping into.

Understand how to navigate that.

And I think that's the

biggest piece of advice I would have is to explain

the world of Hollywood to them.

Yeah, but what they have ahead of them, which is we all obviously we all know it's not easy.

People think, oh, I'm going to go to LA with a famous last name or without it, and my life is going to be phenomenal.

It's a very harsh reality, right?

It's not like that at all.

It's tough for everyone.

Now, wait, let me see the name of the person here because I promised.

I'm sorry, Randy.

I promised I was going to say all the names, all the names.

Cari Lewis from Miami.

So, Instagram, social media, it's such a huge deal now.

So, most people, he said, like me and my family and my daughters, we're comparing ourselves to everybody else, else our bodies our posts our picture our skin our cars la la la la so that's why many times we think i am never gonna be as successful as thin as beautiful as rich yeah i hear a lot of parents say that oh my god my kids are having to feel feel this major pressure and even adults like they feel like i'm never gonna be that good like you mentioned the kardashiers i mean these people pose the most perfect crowny bodies and these bikinis and these multi-million dollar vacations I understand a lot of people looking at that and getting depressed, like Jesus, I'm never gonna be there.

Any tip or advice, like, how do you navigate this social media fake world?

Yeah, so number one, remember what I just said.

You never know how they go to bed at night and how they wake up in the morning.

That just remember that.

Yeah, you just don't know.

A picture is a snapshot it's a one second moment in time out of the whole day you don't know their struggles number two

stop engaging if yeah someone look if i watch a horror film and i have bad dreams at night and now i'm scared and fearful and more anxious if i continue to watch horror films That's on me.

I'm not telling you to completely disengage with social media.

What I'm saying is if you're following someone and you're feeling bad about your life, do you need to see what private plane they're hopping onto or where they're going in the world?

Is it fulfilling your life in any way?

And I think people aren't asking this question of themselves enough.

Is this additive?

Is it subtractive?

If it's subtracting any energy, feel good.

Stop following.

Your life isn't going to change.

By the way, I have to say this because there's so many people with anxiety.

It's an epidemic.

COVID really spun people out with numbers and data and fear and headlines.

If you're feeling like the world is just so crazy and too crazy and you feel that on a daily basis, same thing.

Stop reading the headlines.

Just disengage for a few days and see how you feel.

You gather the data.

If you feel better, huge answer for you.

Stop following someone for a week.

If you feel better

following those people, you don't need them.

My feet, follow people

who are going to give you something that's needed, that's going to lift you up.

Plug into positivity.

Don't plug into something that is taking away from your daily feeling.

I think for me,

and I tell my friends and my clients, this is what I do.

Obviously, I work, I use Instagram for work, but my feed, the people I follow, are people that inspire me.

Whether it's women, coaches, whatever it is, I wake up and I want to see, read things, see photos.

I see your posts every single day.

God's on a street, you're very inspiring to me.

Things that lift me up, and I don't compare myself to other people.

I don't understand.

Now, that's a question, me to you.

Why do people compare themselves so much?

Like my friends say, Oh, her body is so thin oh her I have this thing like

I like me I know I'm never gonna be the most perfect I'm never gonna be the thinnest when I was modeling I was never the tallest but but photographers used to say to me you are one of the most confident in front of the camera I think what comes to me is like the reason why I'm confident is because I just do my thing I think there is room for everybody in the world if you do your thing instead of like comparing yourself and try to mirror somebody else and be like somebody else, you shouldn't be like somebody else.

You should have people inspire you.

But as a coach, why do you think, and I think women mostly, why do you think so many women out there try to compare themselves like they have to be like somebody else?

Right.

Well, I think you said something that really nailed it.

It was, there's enough.

to go around.

I don't need to be in direct competition with that person.

Like, hey, hey, if I, I remember when I started life coaching, and then I would feel a little bit competitive and comparing to my competitors.

And then at some point, I realized

I'm going to actually

recommend them.

I'm going to go out of my way, if I like their work, to tell people about them.

And funny enough, the more I did that, The more I actually got back because it came from a pure place.

Everyone has different body types.

Everyone is different.

Some people are literally born with different bone structure.

Totally.

Some people have other health conditions going on that cause things.

But this is the world that we have grown up in.

Unfortunately.

At a very early age, we're constantly comparing.

Even when we go to school, right?

You see the popular person.

And as children, we compare.

Why are they popular?

Why am I not?

They're cool.

I'm not.

They're skinny or pretty.

I'm not.

And so we draw these conclusions about ourselves.

Yeah.

Unfortunately, at such an instrumental age, you know, I think it's so sad to draw conclusions about oneself that people take with them for the rest of their lives.

Oh, my God.

That's so hopeful.

But, Randy, do you have a trick to tell people, like, is there anything, and I don't know, an exercise, a trick something that people can do like be especially because social media is stop comparing like focus on yourself is there anything they can do to to cut this habit

start talking to yourself more

out loud

i do that a lot by the way right and look look at an attribute that you have you're comfortable with self yeah so what i find from people most often is they're talking to themselves in their head all day long

But the voice that's talking to them, that's echoing them, that's comparing, that's making them feel bad, is not even a true voice.

It's that conclusive voice that comes from

growing up with a family of origin and things that we heard from our parents or things that we heard from teachers or things that we heard in high school.

And so

If that's the voice that's in your head, it's only going to go one way.

It's going to be on repeat.

Start talking to yourself.

Because when you talk to yourself out loud, it means that you've acknowledged the voice within and you go, oh, hey, give that voice a name.

Oh, hey, Sally.

Oh, I see you again.

Okay, I hear you.

I know that you're not real.

Here's what I'm going to say to you now.

And say to yourself what you need to hear.

You do that a hundred, five hundred, a thousand times.

That voice in your head is going to go away more and more and more.

And then you're going to notice how much better you feel makes sense and i think it has to do with self-love right i think you need to love yourself more than you love these celebrities or whoever it is that you follow on instagram you may admire them or in get inspired by them which we all do but you stop loving them more thinking that their body is better than yours their life is better than yours right

Yeah, I think self-love is the end result.

That's the self-help sort of golden goblet.

Totally.

But for so many people, that's ambiguous.

That's like, well, great.

How do I love myself more?

So what we're talking about by changing the critical self-talk, by focusing on one area, like,

are you eating well?

Perhaps if you change the way you're eating, or maybe you need to exercise more, something physical that will make you feel better about yourself, not just from a vanity standpoint, but because you're caring for yourself, because you're loving yourself.

Absolutely.

So, if somebody's doing life coaching with you for whatever reason, whatever is their problem, how long does it normally take until you actually start seeing results or feeling better?

Is it a long time?

You see results from people after one session.

Really?

Oh, wow.

Okay.

So, it's not something because a lot of people send this question, like, how long does it take?

Is it like a long-term commitment?

Or do if I do a few sessions, so it basically can happen right away.

You can feel better right away.

Yeah, it depends, right?

Like, I have a membership group, like I was saying, that's ongoing, right?

And we meet a couple times a month, and there's videos that I send and all these other things.

And, you know, within that month, people are saying, wow, I feel so much better.

This is changing.

That's changing.

For private clients, I usually work with people in six-month increments because I really see transformation, like true transformation after six months.

I just got done working with a woman.

When she came to me, she thought it wasn't possible.

She was skeptical.

She was, you know, she wanted to change some things, but she was carrying a boulder around with her of all this stuff from the past.

And I kid you not, from what she looked like and how she sounded when we first started working together.

Within a few sessions, I was seeing she was lighter, brighter, the energy was coming back, she was making changes.

By the end of five months, not even six,

she was a completely different person.

I mean, she was dressing differently.

She was smiling differently.

She was talking differently.

She was making different choices.

I mean, it was phenomenal to see the transformation.

Let me squeeze.

Oh, my God.

Let me squeeze one more, one more, one more, because we're running out of time.

I can't believe it.

Okay.

And I have that question too, but a lot of people send that question.

I'm going to say one name.

Paula Minga and Alexia Davis.

I don't know where they're from.

Sorry, guys.

I'm running out of time.

So that's the question.

I do a podcast about sex dating and relationships, but I always tell people, that's my opinion.

If you are in a relationship, keep it close to your heart.

Don't flaunt every second of it.

So the question is, you turn on the TV, you open Instagram, you see the most famous celebrity couples in the world.

Okay, maybe you don't see them having sex in bed, but you see everything else.

They flaunt and flaunt and flaunt.

Like, look at me, I'm kissing, look at me, I'm on the beach, look at me, I'm engaged, look at me, I'm naked.

Oh, he loves me, she loves me.

My personal opinion is keep it a little mysterious, keep it to yourself.

You know, I think it's really bad for the relationship to put it all out there.

Whether you are a celebrity or not, by the way, because I see like normal couples doing that, like just putting it out there as a window.

What is your opinion about that?

Do you think people are flaunting their private personal relationships out there too much?

And do you think that's damaging to relationships?

I think it can be damaging.

I mean, unfortunately, we've seen this with a lot of celebrity couples: there's so much media on them, and you know, things get hard to live publicly like that.

But at the same time,

some of it is out there so much because

they have to live, and there are people photographing them.

Yeah,

I would just say this: right, don't keep whatever you can sacred.

Try sometimes not to document every single moment because it does take you out of the present moment.

Why do we want to document everything?

We either want to do it to show other people

or we do it because we want to remember it for later.

Oh my gosh, the fourth birthday.

I have to do that.

This, that, that.

I have to capture every moment.

But it does take you out of the present.

So just try and do it a little bit less.

And then last thing I'll say on this, I've said it, I've been pretty redundant today, but I think it's a message that really needs to hit home: is even if you see a couple and they look like they're having the best sex or they're on the beach or whatever,

it's a moment.

You have no idea if they're fighting, you have no idea the conversations that they're having.

I know.

We are making up stories and narratives and filling in the blank based off of what we're seeing.

That's most of the time, yeah, not accurate.

Yeah,

so true.

My opinion is keep something close to your heart.

Keep your private life private.

If you're like in a happy relationship, if you're doing something good, I honestly think they flaunt a little too much, but that's just my opinion.

Randy, this was so much fun.

I have so many more questions for you.

I hope you come back for another episode.

Guys, I hope I answer as much.

I hope he answered as many as we possibly could.

Now, where do people find all this coaching, the groups, the private coaching, everything you do?

On your website, correct?

On my website, it's randyspelling.com.

And also, social media on Instagram, it's Randy Spelling.

Okay, thank you so much.

You are amazing.

I hope you guys follow him on Instagram.

I follow every single day.

I think you post every day.

And his insights are absolutely incredible.

You are so sweet for doing this.

And I'm sure I'll invite you back.

And I hope you come back because people love you.

Thank you so much.

This was such a huge pleasure.

Randy Spelling, this was Cat on the Loose for your Friday, and I'll see you guys next week.

Kisses.

Have a great weekend.