Author and Coach Lisa Marie Rankin

Hi guys, happy Friday after like a really really quick summer break.

I am back with a very special guest this morning to get your weekend started.

Lisa Marie Ranking.

She's an author.

She's a teacher.

She's a coach.

She's super talented.

So of course we have a million questions for her.

Hi Lisa.

Hello, okay.

Thank you for having me here.

Thank you so much for doing this with us.

Okay, are you ready?

I want to jump right on it because I don't like wasting time.

And as I was telling you,

as I was telling you before we got started,

surprisingly enough, I started promoting it and a lot of people sent questions for you.

So let's see what we do.

Obviously, the first question is,

your book is named The Goddess Solution.

I started reading it.

I got really interested.

I was looking at your posts on Instagram.

So can you explain to people in a nutshell?

I mean, obviously, anything with the name Goddess on it, we want to know what it is all about because we all want to feel like goddesses.

But what is the book in summary?

What are you trying to tell girls out there?

Sure.

So I created the book because I wanted to show women how they can take inspiration from ancient goddesses.

So it's goddesses across cultures, across traditions, and really seeing that their myths, their energies are still relevant to everything that we deal with today, whether it's relationships, divorce, you know, sex, parenting, money.

So we almost have this framework for how

we can live our lives, or we can look look at these ancient goddesses as really like archetypes that can help us get through kind of Lisa so I guess the first question we have for you is

you wrote the book the goddess solution what do you mean by that because I think every woman wants to be a goddess feel like a goddess but like what are you trying to say with the book

great and that's what I wanted um women to feel like.

I want them to feel like they're a goddess because we always tell the women in my community that the goddess isn't a deity outside of yourself.

She's really an aspect of your highest self.

So I wrote the book because I wanted to show women that we can take inspiration from these ancient goddesses across cultures and traditions and really apply them to our modern lives.

So whether we're talking about relationships, sex, money, parenting, divorce, and more.

It's like, even though these myths are thousands of years old, they're still really relevant to all of the stuff that we need to deal with on a day-to-day basis.

Can you give me an example?

Because you say you talk about these ancient goddesses.

We're going to talk about, I don't even know if I i know how to pronounce ayurveda ayurveda we're gonna talk about

yeah ayurveda but before we talk about that can you give me an example like tell me a goddess and like how we can mirror that

Sure, I'll give you an example of a goddess, so how I started writing about the goddesses.

So I've always been interested in spirituality and yoga, but after my divorce, you know, I was kind of struggling to make sense with things.

And I was really looking for, you know, validation from men.

I was drinking a little too much work, spending too much online, really looking for all of these things outside of myself to like give me a sense of ease.

When really, and I reckon, I remember saying to myself, I was looking in the mirror one day, and I'm like, I just don't feel like a goddess.

And that kind of triggered me, like, I want to start researching goddesses.

And, you know, what does a goddess feel like?

And that's when I started to recognize that they're sovereign, they're empowered, they're sexy, but they're also strong.

Yes.

But I also wanted to give you an example of like a goddess energetic.

Please.

So like,

so Kali, who is not your typical goddess, like when we think of goddesses, we often think of maybe like Aphrodite, like the sexy goddess or, you know, Lakshmi, who's kind of the Hindu Aphrodite.

Kali is the Hindu goddess of breaking through the status quo and transformation.

And we feel her energy anytime things really like hit like the shit hips the fan like whether it's divorce financial crisis or health crisis and you might be be like, well, what kind of goddess is that?

But she's a goddess that clears all the stuff that's not working for you anymore, all of the stuff that keeps you stuck and playing small, so you can start rebuilding your life and really live a little bit more truly and authentically.

I love that.

And you mentioned that you've been through divorce.

All my listeners, everybody that knows me, know that that's my story.

I've been through divorce as well.

I was married forever and I started my life over.

And I think that's the number one question that a lot of women ask.

It's tough, right, to pick up the pieces because when you go through any kind of heartbreak in general, whether it's divorce or breakup from your boyfriend, you know, whatever it is, let's be honest, you feel like shit for a while, right?

In my case, I got tangled up with a bunch of horrible people, like a horrible man, because

I thought it was okay to be treated like shit.

Now,

two years into doing the podcast and everything that I learned, I realized, like you said, I am the prize i am a goddess i am fantastic i deserve to be treated well but it's a process right so a lot of girls and and a bunch of them sent this message yeah but it's easy to write about it you guys talk about it but like my boyfriend just cheated on me my husband

how do i get into that zone the goddess zone to to feel better about myself

Right.

And that's such a great question.

And, you know, and it's one that's taken me time as well, too, to start saying like, no, no, I'm the goddess.

And how do I start treating myself that way?

If we want others to treat us like a goddess, the biggest thing we need to do is start to treat ourselves like a goddess.

And what that means is like I talked to, I work with a lot of women who want to get more self, feel more self-worthy, feel more confident.

And unfortunately, that's not like just a flip we can switch.

And like, okay, today I'm going to be confident and, you know.

have a lot of self-esteem.

But what we can do to start developing that is showing up for ourselves on a a day-to-day basis, like taking really good care of our bodies.

And I love to start with the body because that gives us something physical to work with.

It's getting a good night's sleep.

It's eating nourishing foods.

It's moving your body in strengthening ways.

It's only having sex with people who have your best interest at heart.

This doesn't mean it has to be long-term monogamous, but somebody who wants the best for you.

I love that you are saying that.

Like super important points because you got to start.

And I'm telling you, I learned this through my journey.

And it took me forever to get here you gotta start with yourself right number one because we a lot of people not just women but we're talking about girls now of course we have this tendency of self-destroying when something goes wrong right like you said maybe in your case you were shopping a little too much some people overeat or they start eating crap some people start drinking and what i learned is no man on this planet or no woman on this planet for the guys deserves for you to self-destruct.

So, it has to start within ourselves, correct?

Right, and when you talk about

the bar, yeah, we want to be treated, so we're not treating ourselves with love that.

But when you talk about the body, and I saw you guys gotta check out her Instagram, of course, she's in amazing shape.

Uh, you do yoga, you're thin, you're beautiful, but we're not talking about perfection here, we're talking about, like you said, nourishment and being kind to our bodies, right?

Yeah, and it's really a different, you know, also, I work with a lot of women when we were talking about the body.

Like, often, especially in our culture, we like want the body to look a certain way.

We want it to do certain things.

We really think that, you know, the body is a tool for us.

I really like to work with women to shift that as a perspective and be grateful for your body.

If your body is this sacred vessel, how do you honor it?

How do you bow to it?

And that's when it gets into like self-care isn't just like a set of practices, it becomes like your spiritual practice as far as being being able to nourish and nurture yourself yeah so like let's say somebody out there is listening to us like they sent me messages yesterday oh it's so easy for you guys to say you're doing great no no no no no

i'm trashed my boyfriend cheated on me i don't know where to start i'm overweight so like babe what would be the first baby step because we want to be practical we want these girls out there to say hey you don't have to move mountains in a day but today's friday if you're feeling like crap, if your boyfriend cheated on you, or whatever it is that you're going through, what would be one little baby step that you would say for them to find their inner goddess again?

So I would say, so, and correct me if I'm wrong, because I can say sometimes I think baby steps is like, take care of your body, you know, go for a long walk, you know, or eat, make yourself a really healthy, nourishing foods.

But that actually might be harder for some people too, when they're just like, no, I don't want to do anything.

I just want to, you you know, curl up with a bottle of rosé and watch Hulu, right?

Like, there's some appeal to that to some extent, right?

But like, how do we get out of that cycle?

I think one thing that's been helpful for me and for my clients is the reason that we get stuck in these traps of getting together with the on-again, off-again ex, you know, sitting on the couch with...

Rose and Hulu is because we're living, we're kind of focused very much on the present.

What we need to do is also have a vision of who we want to become like will yourself tomorrow be happy that you spent the day on the couch or happy that you spent all this money online so we need to also consider and develop create this relationship like we're often talking about the past what happened to us in the past and who did what my parents did this and you know there's a place for that but like how do you how do you want to evolve who do you want to become and let that really guide your choices So it's not just how you're feeling in the moment, but how are you going to set yourself, your future self up for success?

I love that.

That's really great and easy advice.

Do something that's good for yourself.

I heard once a phrase and I never forgot that because you made a point about sex.

Like a lot of us after a breakup or after a divorce, we end up just having like casual sex or sex with the wrong people because we think it's going to make us feel better.

But the fact of the matter is you end up just hurting more because sex is like an exchange of energy, right?

So you need to be, and I'm not being prude here or anything.

I'm not calling anybody a whore if you want to have sex with a bunch of other people.

But I think it's more about like protecting your energy and realizing that you're a gift.

And like you said, if you're having sex with someone, you've got to have sex with someone that actually appreciates it and it makes everything so much better, correct?

Yes, yeah.

And like you said, there's there's no right or wrong, good or bad about this.

It's like you want to just choose activities that are going to nourish you and make you feel good about yourself.

So it's not that you're bad if you want to have lots of sex, but you also have to consider your energy.

How are you going to protect that?

Yeah.

So another girl sent a question.

The goddess solution.

What's the ultimate goddess solution?

Is there one solution or is it a bunch of solutions?

It's a bunch of solutions.

So it's a bunch of different goddesses and they all have like so you can think of the goddesses as, I mean, I like to say that you can think of them as a deity outside of yourself, but they're really an aspect of your highest self.

So there are different energetics that you can tap into.

So for example, like I love like the love goddesses and the creative goddesses and I relate to those ones really easily.

But like the warrior goddesses, those aren't as easy for me to.

Like I don't really love conflict or confrontation.

But of course, as part of this human experience, there's lots of conflict and confrontation.

So we can kind of look at those goddesses when we want to feel a little bit more rooted in our power.

So it really depends on the energetics that you want to call into your life.

Awesome.

So I was looking here on your Instagram and you have some really interesting posts.

Let's talk a little bit about Ayurveda because I know nothing about it.

And I think a lot of people are like me, they're curious, but they don't know, you know, where to go for help to understand it.

I was looking at one of your posts that

I got really interested in.

You wrote, food, sex, and sleep.

According to Ayurveda, an ancient Indian health system that looks to optimize health through holistic practices that care for body, mind, and spirit.

So is that what Ayurveda is, the science of feeling like a goddess?

Can you explain to us a little bit?

Sure.

So one of my Ayurveda teachers calls it like the science of feeling good.

So what I love about Ayurveda is that it doesn't really think of us as these separate systems.

Like we have our body, we have our mind, and we have our spirit.

It's all interconnected.

So according to Ayurveda, any like physical health problem we have would also have a psycho-spiritual component as well to it too.

So it's really about how do we nourish this whole being without kind of separating body, mind, and spirit.

And really the three foundations for Ayurveda is I put in that post, food, sex, and sleep.

And like, so what does that mean?

It's like, well, how do we nourish our body?

So if you really think about what it is that we're eating, is it going to strengthen us or is it going to weaken us?

And again, I like to think of of that too.

So it's not good or bad, like potato chips are bad and this is good.

It's like, how are you going to fail after?

What's going to give you more energy or what's going to lower your energy?

And then the same with sex as well, which is all about energy.

And it's really what you had just said, Kat.

Like, how do we protect and conserve our energy?

And what I love about one of the teachings in Ayurveda is that they say, so in Ayurveda, there's this concept of Ojas.

And that's like ours.

Ojas.

O-J-A-S.

Okay, just in case somebody wants to read about OJAS, O-J-A-S.

Yes.

Okay, and

that's like our immunity, our resilience, and our vitality.

So what the teachings say is that when men have sex, they actually lose their OJAS.

But when women have sex, we actually gain OJAS, but only if there's somebody who has our best interest at heart.

You know, it has to be kind of that like loving sex.

And that will be energizing and nourishing to us.

So that sex is also like, how are we, how are we distributing our energy?

And it's not all about sex.

It's like, are we engaging in good friendships?

Are we like, are we working too much?

Like, how, how are we holding our energy?

And then sleep, of course, sleep is, you know, the ultimate self-care practice.

Yeah, that's super interesting because that's just me personally.

I believe in energy a lot.

I am not religious, but I am very spiritual.

And I think everything in life is about energy.

And the more I live, the more I believe that you are the energy you exude and the energy that people are around us.

And I think it makes all the difference in my life.

And like I said, I've been learning from doing this podcast.

Like, if you listen to two years ago, that Catherine that thought it was okay to be treated like crap by men, that you know, oh, if I have crappy sex with this guy and that guy, it's okay because I deserve it.

So that Catherine, thankfully, is gone.

And now I try to pass that on to my listeners through the work I do, my friends, that, yeah, if you have this positive, amazing energy, you should only allow people in your life that have the same energy because that's just going to make your life so much easier and better, right?

And I think it's kind of like what you said with OJAS.

Yeah.

I love that.

Yeah, and I think the energy is just so important.

And that's why I think it's important to do the practices that raise our energy.

So, whatever that is for you, if it's getting out in nature, if it's doing yoga, meditating, writing, but we have, you know, a set of practices that can uplift us.

And it's important that we prioritize those.

Yeah, so food, obviously, it's a huge problem for a lot of people because a lot of us are emotional eaters.

Or either you eat a lot when you have a problem, or some people can't eat at all if they have a problem, right?

So, like you said, oh my God, I'm depressed, I'm single or whatever my boyfriend broke up with me i'm going through a divorce the first instinct of a lot of people is i'm gonna get a bottle of wine a bag of potato chips and i'm gonna feel the famous ben and jerry thing in front of the tv right why do you think we have the relationship that we think this crappy food is gonna make us feel better

Yeah, I think it's with our nervous system.

So, you know, our nervous system, when it gets activated, we have a

fight-flight-freeze response.

Women also have kind of the fawn response as well too.

And when we're drinking, when we're eating, we're really numbing ourselves.

So we're almost going into a freeze state or, you know, like watching Netflix.

It's like these activities that numb us.

And unfortunately, you know, that might make you feel better for a little bit, but ultimately we don't want to numb our feelings.

We want to experience them because we want to know how we can move on from them.

You know, I often think it's interesting.

I see a lot of people in jobs they don't like or marriages they don't like and they'll be drinking a lot.

And it's like, it keeps you complacent with the status quo.

So it's like you know, and it does what it's supposed to do, it's an anesthetic, it numbs us.

Totally, you have to think like we need to feel our feelings, we can make make skillful decisions about our life.

Yeah, but it's tough, right?

And yeah, you just said it numbs us.

So, do you have a suggestion?

Like, if somebody again is out there feeling sorry for themselves, it's Friday, I feel like shit, da-da-da.

So, instead of sitting like self, because it is kind of, to me, it's a way of self-destruction.

Like, if you're hurting your body I've done it I think a lot of people have done it like oh I'm gonna eat too much ice cream and like you said the drinking maybe oh I'm having a little too much wine because I'm feeling sorry for myself every night and then you gotta like put it in check do you have a suggestion of what people could do if you're feeling bad instead of like self-destroying something simple

I think it's probably different for everyone.

I mean, I think getting outside, taking a walk, being in nature, remembering that you're not like just a mere individual, because anytime something goes wrong, we tend to kind of get a little self-absorbed.

And that's not to say anything.

I do the same thing.

Like, oh, woe is me.

I can't believe this happened.

But when we start to get back out, we remember we're not like a mere individual, but we're part of a larger whole.

And trying to keep that big picture in mind as well, that, you know, these, these things that happen, whether it's the breakup or the job loss or something's happening, they're specks

in our lives.

No one can overcome it.

And doing something that feels good, but that's strengthening.

So whether that's like, you know, going for a swim or doing a yoga practice or hanging out with your good friends who also have good habits, because we tend to take on a lot of the habits of the people that we hang out with, you know, but it's doing things that will feel good and strengthen you.

Yeah, 1 million percent.

I agree.

Now, you started talking about divorce.

So I want to tap into that a little bit because Let's face it, it's very tough.

Like you just said, a lot of people stay in bad relationships for a long time.

I was one of them.

I was in a horrible marriage for 15 years

because it took me a long time to get the courage to get out and to realize I wasn't going to change that person.

It's a process.

And I think it requires a ton of strength, right?

To say, you know, this is not good for me.

I'm going to get the hell out.

There are a lot of people out there in this situation.

I got a few questions from some ladies that said, you know, I have this horrible marriage.

I know Kat got out of hers.

Actually, a guy even last night said, you know, I'm unhappy.

I am miserable, but I feel guilt, guilt, guilt.

I want to get out.

And I admire people that have the courage to say, you know, I deserve to be happy.

Do you have a suggestion?

Like if you,

anything, like if you were coaching someone and they are in this situation and they want to get out, what would you say?

If somebody wants to get out of their marriage, that generally doesn't change.

So I think it becomes once, are you saying so they've made the decision, like, I want to get out of their marriage?

Because a lot of people make the decision in their head, right?

And they make the decision in their head, but they don't have the courage to actually go through with it.

Yeah.

So I think, yeah, because I think sometimes people stay with the status quo, thinking, oh, things are going to get better.

Maybe things aren't that bad.

Like, how often do people tell themselves, like, oh, I should be grateful.

It's not that bad.

It's not like, and I think it's, again, like kind of getting in touch with your desires.

Like, what do you want your life to be like?

Because I think for women, especially, I think you know, we've been kind of brought up to be people pleasers and be the good girls.

So, sometimes we dampen down our desires and get again kind of complacent with the status quo.

So, it's giving yourself first the opportunity: like, what do I really want from my life?

Like, is this what I want, or do I want something bigger, more expansive?

Do I want to be treated better?

And once we start to have that vision, I think we, it's easier to start walking walking towards.

And yeah, divorce is messy.

It's yucky.

It's like soul-sucking.

And to some extent, but there's light on the other side.

Yeah, how do you get over the freedom?

Sorry.

Yeah, 1 million percent.

How do you get over the guilt?

Because a lot of people feel the famous guilt.

I'm going to leave him.

I'm going to leave her, but I deserve to be happy.

Is there a way to get over the guilt?

That's a tough one, Ryan.

I know.

I'm thinking.

It's,

again, I think it's when you build your own sense of like self-worth and self-esteem, you can get out of things with grace to some extent.

I mean, most divorces actually don't.

Aren't that graceful to get out of being nice people, you know, go at each other.

But there is.

a sense that we all have our own karma.

We can't live for another person.

And, you know, I've seen countless relationships.

Mine is one of them.

We think we're doing somebody a favor by staying with them when actually we're just kind of perpetuating the cycle of like karma, drama, and trauma, right?

1 million percent.

You say some major key phrases that I hope people are listening.

We can't live for another person.

You can't make that person happy, right?

Yeah.

And you can't change them either.

So like if you think, and I tell my friends that all the time, if you stay with your boyfriend or your husband, your wife, and you think, oh, they're going to change for me.

They're going to, guess what?

They're not going to change for you.

No, we are not.

And I think that's hard for, especially for a lot of women.

I think we think we can be responsible for people's happiness or we can make them happy.

And that's something that we need to unlearn.

Our priority is to ourselves, to our children if we have them, but to our partners, they need to do that work as well, too.

And sometimes when we're staying, we're just enabling.

And it would actually be better for them as individuals to be on their own and maybe learn the lessons they need to learn.

1 million percent.

I love that.

In my case, I tell you that, yeah, I got over the guilt because I guess one day I woke up and I said, you know what, I deserve to be happy.

I deserve to not be verbally abused.

I deserve to save myself.

It was kind of like, you know, the oxygen mask when the airplane is falling.

I was like, you know what?

I'm going to save myself.

I don't want to die.

I don't want to be miserable.

I think so.

When people ask me that, I'm not a doctor, I'm not a coach, I'm not an expert, I'm far from that.

But I guess I say it's like self-preservation.

If somebody's not making you happy, if they want to be miserable for whatever reason it is, you don't need to waste your life just sitting there being miserable with them, right?

At least for me, that's what it is.

Yeah,

okay, and we tend to get what we settle for.

So, I always like to tell people, raise the bar higher, and people will be more inclined to meet that.

But raise to the bar, yes, 1 million percent.

I'm happy that you said that because it goes back to it, it starts with us.

If you know your worth, if you know you're a goddess, or is there a masculine word for God?

A god?

I don't want to call men God because they already think they're the last Coca-Cola zero of the desert.

I don't want to make it worse.

But if you think you're fabulous, if you think you're worthy of happiness, of great energy, if you know how good you are, you're going to attract people that have that same energy, right?

At least that's what's happening to me finally.

When I started like being so picky and weeding out the horrible guys and say, you know what?

I'm not going to go on this crappy date.

I'm not going to have sex with disgusting people that don't appreciate me.

I'm going to be picky.

My body's like a temple.

It's a prize, you know.

When I started feeling that way, the whole shift of my life changed.

Yes.

Yeah.

Because your energy changed and you were starting to feel like this is like sacred and holy, and you're gonna have to work for this.

There you go.

You're gonna have to honor it.

Yes, I'm gonna take a two-minute break and we're gonna come back with Lisa.

If you have a few more minutes, I have a bunch of questions, sex questions, if you're game for that.

Perfect.

Okay, we'll be right back.

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Okay, Lisa, so let's talk a little bit about sex or a lot about sex because

obviously it's a huge part about dating and relationships, right?

And I hope it is.

And what I've been trying to do on this podcast is basically like normalize and encourage women to talk about it and to understand that it's completely normal and it's important to have a healthy sexual life, right?

And I say, look, and of course, a lot of people misconstrue and they think, like, you know, oh, yours love,

but it's not nothing about that.

It's about learning that you, it's completely okay to want to have sex, to want to have quality sex, right?

So I saw a few of your posts, and there are a few that I love.

So let's get your expert advice because every girl wants to know how to have better sex.

You did a little video that I loved, and you said, Here's how to improve your skin, beat belly bloat, which I have the major little COVID wine belly going on right now, and have great sex.

Can you give us some pointers, please?

Sure, we want all of that.

We want to be skinny, we want to have great sex, and we want to have great skin.

Drink less alcohol.

That's the problem.

It's the weakened alcohol.

It's the drink less alcohol because, you know, and it's interesting because I think, you know, so many women, we spend so much time with facials and skin procedures and moisturizers.

And we go to the gym and we want to have great sex.

And like alcohol, and listen, I enjoy having, you know, a glass or a couple glasses of wine with our friends, but it's something to be conscious of.

That it's not our friend.

It's not going to give us great skin, a flat stomach, or good sex, right?

And I think it's interesting that sometimes alcohol is kind of talked about, like in terms of sex, like, okay, it can lower your inhibitions, that's true, but it also lowers your ability to feel things.

And that's kind of the whole point is that we want to have our senses activated.

We want to have the sense of conscious sex where we're kind of going there and with eyes wide open and not feeling numb, not feeling drowsy, not feeling confused.

One million percent.

In my case, I don't know if it's your case, I cannot have an orgasm if I drink.

No, yeah, I can't die.

And I agree with you.

Now I learned you should be having sex with your partner, your boyfriend, your husband, whatever it is, and enjoying it.

Like you said, I want to feel every moment, every touch.

I want to have this incredible orgasm.

So if you're drinking a little too much before you have sex, you probably shouldn't have sex with that person, right?

If you're trying to gather the courage,

right?

Yeah, and because it's numbing, and we want to think, like, I actually, I talk a lot about like how we can use sex as like a spiritual practice.

It brings us back into our body.

Yes.

It gives us an intimate connection with another person.

And really, we have that feeling of being more than just mere individuals.

So it's that connection to the divine.

So when we think of it that way, it becomes much less this physical act or physical release.

But although it's still very pleasurable, you know, it's still, we still get all of the pleasure, but we can get a lot more from it too.

One million percent.

But it's, I think a lot of people have the same problems I do.

I'm like crazy disciplined most of the time, like 80% of the time.

I try to work out every single day.

I go on these super long walks with my dog.

I've been finally back to the gym.

I eat very clean most of the time.

But then, you know, the weekend comes and I'm like, oh, I'm going to have a glass of wine.

I'm going to have this.

I'm going to have that.

So, how do you balance?

Because you're like, you have the perfect body.

You're so skinny.

How do you manage?

I mean, I think it is a balance.

I mean, as humans, we don't like to say we can't have anything because we're immediately going to want that, right?

So, I think, again, it's just, it's keeping like, well, what is it that you really want?

And I remember for me, I used to drink way too much for a good portion of my life.

Like, you know, from 19 on, I was a pretty habitual drinker.

Like, I never drank excessive, just habitually.

So a couple of glasses every day.

And like every New Year's, I would try to say, oh, I'm going to stop drinking or I'm going to drink a lot less.

And it would never really last.

And then finally, finally, it's like, instead of trying to get something or give something up, I thought about it, like, well, who do I want to become?

And we had talked about this a little bit earlier.

And it's like, well, I want to feel healthy, sexy, and connected to my highest self.

And like, when we have this vision of who we want to become, it's like, okay, so I don't drink that much now because that's not going to help me get there.

But there's other activities that won't help me get there too, like gossiping and maybe binging on Netflix.

So it's less about like giving something up, but thinking of reframing it about what are you going to get?

Totally.

1 million percent.

I completely agree with you.

I went through that phase as well that I started.

I went through so much in my life.

When I was going through the divorce and then my husband died,

I was like, I realized, wait a minute, you're having like one or two glasses of wine every night.

sometimes three so i kind of put myself in check and like you were saying going back to sex many times it's kind of like a shield like a protection oh i need to have these drinks to relax and feel better but the truth is, you're not going to feel better.

You might end up having sex with the wrong person, or you're going to have a hell of a hangover the next day, or

you're not even going to feel it as much, right?

That's for both men and women, because I know most men can't even have an erection if they drink a lot, right?

Yeah.

So we don't just talk about that.

I'm just getting curious.

Like, well, why do you feel you need to be drinking so much before having sex or before going out with this man?

Like, getting curious, you know,

I mean, yes, totally.

It has that social, you know, helps with the social anxiety a little bit, but

you can also think that's part of the, that's part of the connection, the chemistry, the anxiety a little bit.

1 million percent.

So that's like your key

to beat belly bloat, great skin, and great sex is like less alcohol.

Yeah.

I completely agree with you.

Now, a lot of really not a very popular opinion, but it's no, I agree.

It's not popular, but look, let's be honest.

It is the key to a lot of problems.

It's that simple.

And finally, I'm saying, like, finally, after dating like 10 million crappy people, way-holes, players, na-na-na-na-na.

I realize, like, if you are dating the right person, someone with your energy, somebody that digs you, that treats you with respect, that is as attracted to you as you are to them, you're gonna feel like, you know what, I wanna enjoy this person if I'm not drinking at all, if I'm drinking water, if it's the middle of the day, whatever it is, because you're gonna wanna, you know, have that great sex and the energy exchange, right?

It reminds me of like, I think a t-shirt that I saw, like, you know, at one of those like beach boutiques before.

And it's like, I drink to make you or others more interesting.

And I think to some extent, we like, yeah, we drink because maybe we don't feel comfortable with the company, but it's like, well, then get better company to your point, you know, like raise the bar.

You don't need to drink as much.

Raise the bar, girls.

Raise the bars.

I think many, many times, and probably because of all these dating apps.

Dating apps are like a necessary evil because we're busy adults.

I don't go to bars to pick up people.

Most people don't.

So yeah, in one hand, we want to meet that one person.

But on the other hand, it turned dating into like ordering pizza.

Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no.

It made everything so casual.

So I think it has a lot to do with that.

And then...

A lot of people out there, they forget about their worth.

Like you said, instead of raising the bar, they start feeling like I'm just gonna go out there and date, whatever.

And guys do that.

So, I keep saying, guys, that is so disgusting because a lot of men, successful men, intelligent men, they became like this disgusting teenagers again, like basically these pigs, these players that go out to different girls every night or lie to you that they want a relationship just to have sex with you, and then they ghost you, like grow up, right?

Like,

same thing for men, know your worth.

What are you doing, right?

Right, I knew, and it is.

It became, like you said, kind of like this very juvenile where some men knows like the candy store got opened.

Exactly.

It's like, Jesus Christ, grow up.

Now, girls send this question all the time.

I know you're not like specifically a sex coach, but it has a lot to do with your work.

And I know Aryu Ved, the Indian culture, they're very in touch with their sexuality, their spirituality.

So maybe you can shed some light on.

It's one of the top questions that people send.

Mostly women, they have a very hard time feeling pleasure and having an orgasm in bed, believe it or not.

Do you have any suggestions to that?

Because many times they like their partners or they're embarrassed to say what they want in bed.

There are many different reasons for that.

Yeah, I think, well, part of it, and again, just not a sex expert by any means, but I can tell what I think, I think, helps is, one, I think a lot of women have

problems having orgasm.

One is because I think they're probably thinking of a lot of other things, especially if they're like working, if they're moms, you know, their brains can kind of go in a million different directions.

It might be they might be also self-conscious and, you know, they get too focused on their partner's desires, then their own desires.

And I guess there's a few things, like, if thinking that those are the causes that I would recommend.

One, I think meditation, like just a simple sitting practice 10 minutes a day actually really improves your sex life because you're training your mind where to focus.

So when you're having sex, you focus on how it feels, you focus on staying in your body.

When you start thinking about grocery shopping, the bills, or what you think somebody else might be thinking, you bring the focus back.

And you know, you put it like, put it on your breast, you know,

put it like on what's going on and I think that's really important so it's just almost and then sex becomes like this beautiful kind of meditation of pleasure where you're really staying connected in the present moment and in the body and then the other one is I think and I remember like this would be like when I was much younger thinking that like oh well this is it was almost and I was actually in a book club last night we were talking about this is how sometimes when women especially when they're younger they think that sex is like almost like a gift to someone else but they're not really concerned so much about their pleasure.

It's like, okay, well, I'll give this person pleasure, but you know, mine is less important.

And completely changing that, where it's like your pleasure is the pleasure that is important.

And even if you still have that focus, like, well, I want to be good in bed, you're good in bed when you focus on your pleasure.

You don't need to focus on

what feels good.

Yeah,

exactly.

I think if you're feeling good, your partner is going to feel good because he's going to know that you're feeling good and it builds up, right?

Right.

So it's like, do whatever feels good to you because that will be a turn on that kind of continues to build.

Absolutely.

Do you feel, do you come across women?

Because at least that's my experience.

It's my personal opinion.

I don't know if you agree.

I think in general,

a lot of women, especially in the United States, in the culture, I don't know if it's because how they're raised, they're very uptight about sex.

Like they grow up, you know, thinking that it's bad to talk about sex.

It's dirty.

It makes you a bad person

so I feel like a lot of girls are just maybe not comfortable with their sexuality they're embarrassed of telling their partners what they want in bed do you ever come across girls like that

Yeah, definitely.

And it's interesting.

I actually, I come across that.

And then I come across like this other extreme where it's like, I can just be like a man and have sex with everyone.

And it doesn't really matter.

You know what I'm saying?

Where there's not the extreme.

Yeah, instead of taking a moderate.

And I think it is like our culture like we're taught to be like okay like kind of good girls and I think I heard I was listening to your podcast the other day when you had a sex therapist and you were saying that your culture with Brazil and France and stuff are much more yeah open about sexuality and I think that's just not

in the United States is weird in some ways sex sells everything like you can't see like you see but yet when it comes to our personal lives there is there seems to be a disconnect in the communication exactly a little screwy yeah because i get messages like i've been doing this for two years and i get hundreds of messages a month and when i scroll a lot of these messages are from american women saying oh my god thank you so much i went home and i actually tried to use my vibratoring bed with my husband and guys say the same thing oh thank you i went home and i grabbed my wife and i did this and i did that and it makes me happy because i feel like we're encouraging this conversation but it also breaks my heart when i get messages from women.

It doesn't matter if they're in the United States or not, like, oh my god, I am so embarrassed if I put this sexy lingerie in bed.

My husband is going to think I'm a slut.

Or what is my boyfriend going to think of me if I suggest using a sex toy?

And what I say as a non-expert is like, if somebody criticizes you for whatever it is that you want to do, you're probably with the wrong person.

Do you agree with that?

Yeah, I do.

And I think it says more about them.

I mean, of course, I think there's probably like a timing

the way that you say it, making sure it's the right time if you're going to, you know, suggest something entirely new.

But I think if it's in a relationship, I think most people would probably

want that because I think, you know, I think men are also sometimes nervous to probably ask for what they want or try something different.

Oh, you know.

One million percent.

So I think whoever takes initiative, it would probably be welcomed from being.

No, 1 million percent because guys, many times they say the same thing, like, oh, I want to try something new with my girlfriend or my wife, but oh my God forbid.

Because yeah, again, a lot of women are uptight.

They're going to think like, who do you think I am?

Do you think I'm a whore?

No, no, no.

And I guess what I say is just ask, like, try, like, be yourself.

Like, if you are in a relationship, to me, the fun part, this is why I like being with one man, my man, because to me, the fun part is you get to know each other more and more and more, and you are peeling those layers, and you become more intimate.

Because to me, intimacy makes the sex hotter and hotter and harder.

And then it's fun discovering new things together and coming up with ideas together that you both want to try and live.

And let's say, worse comes to worse, and you suggest something to your partner and they don't want to do it.

Then you say, Well, I'm not into this.

I don't feel like doing it, honey.

Let's come up with something else, right?

Right, yeah, but you should have the freedom to ask.

Do you agree with me on that much?

Oh, definitely.

I definitely think that you should have the, and I love what you said.

It's like, I agree too that as you get more intimated, the sex gets better.

And I also think we have to remember maybe it should be playful.

So, it should be the ability to ask, like, hey, do you want to try this?

Or, you know, I read about this.

I had a dream about this.

Like, what do you think of this?

You're not forcing anyone to do it.

Exactly.

You know, you're bringing an idea to the table.

Yeah, 1 million percent.

The big, this, this big, there are a million subjects, but one of the top ones is like the famous sex toy subject.

Everybody loves it.

I interviewed a big group of women last year.

It was really cool because I was able to put like 11 crazy successful women in one room.

And I asked them, I'm like, sex toys, bring it in the bedroom.

And unanimously, they all said, bring it on.

I love using my sex toys with my partner, my husband, my boyfriend.

Let's spice this up.

He has nothing to do with competing with him.

It has nothing to do with wanting to replace him.

I love his dick.

I love my man, but hey, it makes my sex life more fun and more interesting.

And it's this big controversy because guys want to try it or they feel like intimidated by the sex toys.

They feel like they have to compete with the sex toys.

And I'm always just saying it's not about competition at all.

It's just like spice it up.

And if you don't like it, it's their right as well, right?

So you just tell your partner, hey, I don't feel comfortable with that, but let's try something else.

Exactly, yeah.

And I think that's it.

It's like putting things out there, it's trying new things, and it's like pushing everybody's limits a little bit because that's also what sex is about.

You know, it's like, huh, like, I haven't tried that before, not sure I'll like it, but like, let's see.

One million percent.

And maybe you agree with me, that's where the goddess comes in.

If you feel like wearing, like, let's say, some hot numbers, some red, sexy lingerie, something slutty, your partner should be supportive of that.

If because I've had messages, believe it or not, that girls send me, oh, I tried on this super sexy lingerie, and my husband called me a Zlut.

He said, You look like a whore.

And it broke my heart when I read that message.

And I said, You're with the wrong person.

Yeah, man.

That's really sad.

Yeah, if you come looking like a hot tamale in the bedroom and you're feeling like a goddess and you're feeling so sexy, and your husband looks at you and thinks you look like a slut, like, I'm sorry, but change the freaking man.

That's awful, right you shouldn't be criticizing this is not a nice thing to say to someone you don't say that to somebody but you're in a really yeah that's you would be shocked what people say

that seems to be indicative of their like other issues as well if that was the interaction totally 1 million percent now let me ask your opinion about this one

what do you think about

because some people are very they have like this kind of silent sex like they feel they're more like feeling the emotion and some people are really loud.

Like me, I don't know if it's because of my culture, I don't do it on purpose.

I am really loud in bed.

I like talking, I make noises.

I don't do it on purpose when I'm having an orgasm.

I'm just like, I live in an apartment building, and you know, California, the buildings are not made of bricks, they're made of plywood, and I'm always freaking out.

Like, my neighbors are gonna call the police.

What do you think about that?

Do you think it's okay?

Do you think it's better to try to be quiet in bed?

Do you think there is some kind of a mixture or it's normal?

It's your inner body.

I think whatever feels good to you.

I don't, yeah, I don't think,

I think if you're naturally like loud and want to talk and make noises, I think go with that.

If you like to kind of just turn inward and be a little bit more silent, I don't think that there's any right.

I think whatever.

feels whatever feels right for each person.

Yeah, I mean, you might want to experiment.

Like, you know, so say if you're really loud, like, huh, well, how does it feel sometimes to be quiet?

And if you're really quiet, how does it feel to be louder and to be more verbal?

Just to kind of get the full spectrum of experiences.

Because sometimes we get like, you know,

we have like our one thing that we know kind of works and we do that.

So I think it's always good to like look at the other side of it.

But I don't think that there, I think it's really whatever feels good to you.

Fantastic.

I know I have the craziest questions, but hey, we we got to put it out there, right?

Whatever feels good to you.

Yeah, no, it's good to be able to talk about it too, because I think when we talk about these things, it gets easier for other people to talk about it.

Exactly.

We're trying to open up a conversation.

What do you say to girls out there that are embarrassed talking about

sex to their partners or guys that are embarrassed to talk about?

Like a lot of men complain that they want to have more sex.

They say like, I really like my girlfriend.

I love my girlfriend, but she has a really low sex drive and I want more.

And vice versa, because some women have a very high sex drive and they want more.

No excuse about being busy with work or tired, because in my opinion, you make time for whatever is important to you.

That's my opinion.

Especially.

I think that's definitely true.

Yeah.

So what would you say to people like that?

Do you have a suggestion?

I think they do need to talk about it because if people's sexual needs aren't getting met in a relationship, then they're going to look elsewhere for it so it's like you almost have if you want to continue a relationship with a person if you don't feel that you're getting your needs full whether it's too much sex or not enough sex then you

people will start straying because sex is a really big part of our relationships and i think it's you know if you think of the romantic relationship it is part of the key that keeps people together and why we don't just have platonic friends, right?

There's a romantic element because we're physically connected.

So I think we owe it to the relationship as an entity to really be able to communicate what it is that we want, what it is we desire.

Absolutely.

I completely agree with you.

Otherwise, you become roommates.

And like you said, when you become roommates, either somebody's gonna stray, or somebody's gonna be miserable, or somebody's gonna end up leaving you.

So I think it's better to try to communicate and have a very healthy, fulfilling sex life than just make believe you don't need it, right?

right fantastic so your book is the goddess solution where do people find it

they can find it on amazon barnes and noble some retailers have it um but yeah amazon barnes and noble i love it and by the way uh her instagram is lisamarie.rankin there is a quiz oh yeah i want to ask you really quickly before we before i let you go because i you know i told you i'm all about energy energy energy energy of course some days we have low energy.

I'm not saying we have to be like high all the time, but I believe in energy.

And you talk a lot about it, how to raise your energy.

You put a quiz out there, you talk about energy.

Do you have a few like really quick pointers for people that don't have this amazing energy going on right now?

Yeah, so the quiz I put out is an Ayurvedic quiz.

So in Ayurveda, everything is about energy and different energy patterns.

And it's less of a one-size-fits-all approach.

Like, oh, you should just do these five things, but it's really understanding your unique mind and body type and what practices will help you feel more energized, right?

So, for example, like if somebody is, you know, has a lot of anxiety and they're very creative and they're a little bit spacey, then they're going to want more grounding practices because we don't want to have so much energy where we're like flying off and getting anxious.

And it's like, okay, so we got to look at like foods that we're going to eat.

Maybe it's more restorative yoga.

Maybe it's a nice swim.

Whereas if somebody's like kind of like melancholy and lethargic, it's like, all right, well, we're going to have to amp this up a little bit.

We're gonna have to go for a run, eat some salads, add some ginger to it.

You know, so it's really kind of understanding your unique

constitution, how you're currently feeling, how you want to fail, and then making skillful decisions about what you want to eat, what practices you want to do to get you to where you want to go.

I love that idea, guys.

I totally recommend you take this quiz.

It's so much fun.

It's right there on her Insta account.

And

you say, Discover your Ayurveda VI pronounced this right?

Ayurveda, Ayurvedic, Ayurveda, Ayurveda, Ayurvedic Dasha, mind and body type.

And if you figure that out, you learn practices to feel energized and inspired.

I love that.

I'm all about like natural ways.

And I say that all the time.

To me, I don't understand people that do drugs because the most powerful drugs are natural ones.

Like, like you said, food, nourishment, orgasms give you like the most amazing natural

hormones, hormones, whatever, in your in your mind.

So

I think this is amazing.

Thank you so much, Lisa.

You're great.

Great.

Thank you.

Do you do one-on-one coaches?

Like if somebody's listening and they want to reach out to you, how does your work work?

I do.

I do one-on-one coaching, and you can find

information on that at lisamarierankin.com.

And I also have a great Ayurveda program coming up called Radiant Thoughtist, which is like a 10-week group program where we really look at like self-care and spiritual practices again to kind of reduce the belly bloat, improve skin, and get better sleep, lower anxiety.

I gotta sign up for that one.

So today, girls, it's Friday.

Instead of like, oh, I'm gonna drink like a bottle of wine and feel sorry for myself and watch Netflix.

Let's go for a walk, like you said.

Something simple, maybe a yoga class, you know, a little jog, something fun, soak in the sun, right?

Take care of yourself,

unleash the inner goddess.

I'm definitely gonna sign up for your goddess program.

Thank you so much, Lisa.

This was so much fun.

I really appreciate having you.

And I'm going to download the episode now, and I'll send you the link so you can share with your listeners as well.

Thank you.

This was amazing.

Can the Lisa for your Friday?

And I'm sure I'm going to get dozens and dozens of more questions for you.

So I hope you come back in the future.

Yes, anytime.

So thank you.

Thank you.

Have a great weekend.