Certified Life Coach and Recovery Mentor Adam Jablin

Hi, guys.

Good morning.

Happy Friday.

I told you guys, the people that follow me on social media, that normally my podcast is very light, very silly.

I try to make fun of all kinds of dating relationship situations, but today I have a guest that I admire so much.

I've been trying to get you here for quite a while, Adam Jablin.

I'm going to introduce you and then I'll say hi.

He's a certified life coach and he's an addiction specialist.

Hi, Adam.

Hi, how are you?

Thanks for having me.

Thank you so much.

It's such an honor having you here because I am a huge admirer of your work.

Every day, I look forward to your posts.

You really inspire me.

Thank you so much.

I appreciate that.

Thank you.

So, I'm going to jump right on it because this is hot and heavy.

I have a million questions that I want to ask you, and I'm sure a lot of people out there are very grateful that they're, you know, having access to you.

So, let's rock and roll.

And before we started, uh i love that you said that you didn't even read the questions that i sent you up front that you love doing

on purpose yeah that you love doing organic from your heart type of answers right yeah yeah so i hope that i wanted you to know that up front because I feel like there's a better flow and when I am overly prepared, I can be more in my head center and not my heart center.

And I want to sound good and be polished rather than really letting it, you know, flow right from the gut.

And I'm exactly like you.

I love organic, and my audience loves organic.

So, just so people understand it, you were an addict.

You were an alcohol and drug addict, correct?

Correct.

And you were able to turn your life around to the point that you became an expert in addiction and you're able to help other people, right?

That's exactly right.

And you've been doing this since 2006.

So that's a long road

of sobriety.

Let me so let's straighten that out.

So, I've been clean and sober since 2006.

Okay, yeah, that's a long time.

That's fantastic.

I have been clean and sober since 2000.

Okay.

Most people that follow my work, so I'm going to start from me and then we'll talk in general about other people.

Because when I posted the videos that I was going to interview yesterday, I got inundated with questions overnight.

So, let's see how many we can squeeze in.

Yeah, anyways, I most people know about me.

I was married to an alcoholic for 14 years.

I even wrote a book about it.

I wrote a book about my journey because I almost died in the process.

It's called Yellow Roses in June.

I'm actually being sued, believe it or not, by the people that

caused us a ton of harm.

They want me to take the book down.

Yeah, that's how crazy it is, but that's a hard story.

Anyways,

my experience being around an alcoholic is that not only the alcoholic suffers, but many times the person around them suffers even more.

Because my mindset, and a lot of people ask me, why were you married to an alcoholic for 14 years?

My mindset was, he's going to stop drinking because of me.

He's going to stop drinking because he loves me.

Do you have people that come to you?

that are in relationships with alcoholic.

They're like, please, Adam, help me.

This person is going to stop drinking because of my love.

Have you ever seen this situation before?

Like it happened to me?

Of course.

Of course, it happens.

One of the saddest things that I see, and one of the saddest things that I have also personally experienced,

is that

people don't understand the power of alcohol as a benediction.

So when I was drinking, I knew my my ex-wife now and the people that loved me.

I knew that they wanted me to stop, but I couldn't love them enough to stop.

It was as natural and as easy as breathing.

I couldn't love my daughter enough.

I couldn't love my son.

I couldn't love you enough to stop.

It had nothing to do with love.

It had to do with powerlessness.

That this was something that I could not control.

It was not a lack of willpower.

It was a disease.

Alcoholism and addiction is a disease.

So there's four things to be qualified as a disease.

You need to be progressive, meaning over time you get worse.

You need to be chronic, right?

Constantly there.

You need to be primary, not secondary.

Primary, the first cause.

And you need to be fatal.

Alcoholism and addiction fits all four, which is why they call it a medical disease.

So what I've also seen is that when people are,

Then when the alcoholic and the addict actually actually starts the recovery process the spouse Doesn't matter what sex many times doesn't do recovery with them

and now the other and now The one person is getting very well and healthy and the other person's stuck in I'm supposed to know I take care of you.

I take care of you.

I take care of you.

Yeah.

So It's really something that everyone needs to recover together.

Yeah.

In my case,

my husband made a ton of money.

And the more money he made, he used to say, like, leave me alone.

I want to drink.

That's my hobby.

He did not want to stop.

He wasn't like, I know most alcoholics like you.

I think you get to a point that you say, you know what?

I know I need help before this gets worse.

In his case, he was adamant.

He was like, this is what I want to do, period.

Obviously, it took me 14 years to realize this guy's not going to stop drinking because of me.

Sure enough, it's a very sad ending.

The disease progressed to the point that, yeah, it killed him.

But do you see people like that?

Because there's two types of addicts.

The person that says, oh my God, yes, I do want help.

But there are people that look at you in the face and say, leave me alone, I don't want help.

And then do you kind of agree with me that it gets to a point that you just got as painful and horrible as it is, you got to give up and accept it or do you think there's always hope to insist that the person changes and gets help

i don't think that's an either-or question believe it or not uh-huh i think it's a bridge i think it's an i don't think it's this or that i think it's this and that

though the question that i heard in the end was do you just accept it right or do you hope that the person gets help right both both yeah yeah.

Both, right?

And when somebody's in your position, the idea is to work on yourself and to focus on yourself.

So that loved one should be focusing on themselves.

And A,

why are they staying in a relationship like this?

What are they getting out of it?

What things have they not looked at in their own closet that they haven't dealt with?

Right?

Do they feel powerless over the situation?

Do they realize that they have no power within the situation and that that person can decide to do whatever they want to do?

Right?

Do they believe in something greater and something bigger and something more divine?

God, the universe, saints, angels, life force, whatever.

Have they really, really taken care of their side of the street rather than constantly focusing on the alcoholic and the addict?

And then loving the alcoholic and addict where they're at, loving them.

Like, okay, you want to drink?

You want a drug?

Go ahead.

Like, go ahead.

But I don't have to sit next to you.

I don't have to be here.

And by the way, that is

unconditional love.

Yeah, that's the toughest one.

When you actually love somebody so much, but you're like, that's what I did.

I got to a point one day that I walked away.

And I still, of course, he was my husband.

I loved him.

But I was like, you know what?

This is killing me.

I can't handle it anymore.

So I decided to save myself, you know?

But it's really tough.

I guess the question is,

do you think someone can convince the addict to get help or it has to come from the addict?

I think every situation is different.

And to make blanket statements is very sensitive.

Yeah, true.

Of course, the choice in the end will have to come from within.

True.

But sometimes you can have enough evidence on the outside.

Like me, I came into recovery through an intervention.

Oh, okay.

So the intervention intervention in your case worked?

It worked.

Okay.

Many cases, it doesn't work.

Right.

But for me, it was very hard to look at all the evidence around me and to say, no, fuck you, it's you guys.

Right?

But that's how I'm wired.

Meanwhile, though, somewhere in my own recovery process, it had to come from.

I couldn't get sober for my daughter.

I couldn't get sober for my ex-wife.

I couldn't get sober for the business.

I had to finally get sober for me.

I got it.

So, I do believe that in the beginning, it really doesn't matter what the motivation is, but eventually, it will have to come from within.

Because if it's an external motivator, it won't last.

I completely agree with you.

And I say, from my

perspective, and I know a lot of people out there go through the same thing that I do.

You're absolutely right.

No love in the world is going to make the person stop drinking.

because I know my husband loved me, like he kissed the ground where I walked on, he treated me like a princess.

But at the end of the day, I used to use this phrase with him:

vodka is your first love.

He made this conscientious decision that he was gonna drink, and it didn't matter how much he loved me, he just didn't stop, as sad as it is.

Now, I know you said in your case, your family or your friends decided to do an intervention.

But when you saw that, and so what would like somebody's listening to us, oh my god, but it's so hard, it's hard.

What gave you the strength to say, you know what, I'm done with this shit.

I want to turn my life around.

Was it seeing your family there, or was it like your body, the way you were getting too sick?

Was it physical?

What was it that made you make that final decision to change?

Well,

I don't want to talk too long, but

little things happen.

I wanted to get leave this rehab center, right?

I said, I'll go for 10 days.

We'll try a 10-day period.

And I go, I went in with, I will be the most disciplined, dedicated rehab patient they've ever had.

And they're going to see within three or four days, this guy is a fucking maniac.

There's nothing wrong with him.

It must be his family.

And everything they were teaching me backfired on.

Really?

So, little things like

the first time I admitted I was an alcoholic and an addict, right?

And I said those words out loud.

It was like a big gorilla came off my shoulders.

And have you ever seen the movie The Sixth Sense with Bruce Willis?

Yes, a million years ago with a little kid, right?

Yeah, that was so tough.

Let me explain to you why I'm bringing this up.

It's a very well done movie, right?

For anyone that hasn't seen it, spoiled it.

It's really good.

I've had 30 years to see it.

Okay.

But

through this relationship, you see their struggles with his wife.

You know, the kid tells him he sees dead people,

and things just aren't matching up for him.

But in the end,

he realizes he's dead, and the entire movie makes sense.

Yes.

Okay.

Well, when I admitted I was an alcoholic addict, my entire life made sense.

Oh, that's why I got a DUI in college.

And that's why I wrote my wife 30, you know, letters that I'll stop drinking.

And that's why I ran over the mailbox.

And that's why I'm always running to the liquor store and hiding it all around the house.

And blah, blah, blah.

All of a sudden, I was like, oh my God.

But within seconds of that relief, there came this panic of like, now what?

How do I live?

That was my whole life.

Yeah.

Were you scared that you were going to leave rehab and go back to drinking like it happens to so many people?

I was scared of everything at that time.

I didn't know what the hell was happening.

I couldn't figure figure it out.

And this was all part of my spiritual awakening that I had.

A very profound spiritual experience.

So, when you're asking me what was it, it was these little aha moments.

Like when I finally looked in the mirror only after two, three days of not drinking, and you could see the white in my eyes, and these lines were leaving.

And I started looking good.

And I was like, Was I that fucked up?

Like, little, little, right?

I remember them teaching me to make the appropriate phrase for the appropriate emotions.

Bethany, I was that messed up.

Oh, I believe you.

I would smile at you when I wanted to kill you.

Yeah, no, literally.

It was like the appropriate face.

Like, literally, like a kindergartner or a first favorite.

Literally having to look at the faces.

This is sad with a frown.

This is happy.

Because I...

had manipulated my own mind to always act a certain part so I could do what I wanted to do.

And when I said my story for the first time, and all of these alcoholics and addicts identified with me and really related to who I was and how I think and how I behave, it really

turned the corner for me.

Yeah, no, I completely believe you.

And this is why I like talking about alcoholism because

if we can help anybody out there, I hope we can.

And it's a horrific disease because it destroys the person and it kills you so slowly.

Like in my husband's case, if you see a photo of him when he was young, he was so handsome, you know, Italian, brilliant guy, self-made multi-millionaire.

And then, as he drank, like you said, not only it's destroying your body inside, but I wish everybody could see the photos of how

you get bloated and you get so sick and you get so ugly.

So he went from being like this fabulous guy, super fit, tons of hair, you know, telling her to being like this 230-pound bloated man.

Oh, it really trashes you.

It trashes you.

And I always love saying that, and tell me if you agree with me, it's a very, very slow, painful death.

It's not like something that kills you like

mercifully, like in a day.

You take forever and ever and ever, and you just die a slow, painful death.

Do you agree?

Yeah, well, it robs you of everything.

Yes, it does.

It slowly robs you of passion, slowly robs you of comfort, it slowly robs you of variety, it slowly robs you of

passion, of significance, of purpose, of everything.

Eventually, it takes over.

Yeah, it just takes over.

Yeah,

so

and

it's torture.

You know, it is

torture.

Yes, it is torture.

Now,

another question, because I'm not a doctor by any means.

My expertise literally comes from dealing with this for 15 years until he died.

So obviously, I learned a lot.

I think there are phases of alcoholism, at least that's what I learned from the doctors, and I want your opinion.

The beginning, like the first phase, the second, there are certain phases that you can help the person and turn their life around.

But when you get to the worst stage, I don't know if the doctors call stage four or whatever, which is what happened to Anthony, my husband.

Like when you need chemical rehab, that you're so addicted to it that you literally got to go to the hospital because if you cannot stop anymore at home, because your heart will just like stop beating.

It's almost impossible to turn it around.

Do you agree?

Or do you think everybody can turn all phases of alcoholism, you still can be saved, so to speak?

No,

I believe any, look,

I gotta be very sensitive with the way you're asking me.

First of all, I'm a big, big proponent of the medical community.

I love the medical community, and I do believe in being detoxed the right way.

And most of the people that I deal with are in that last stage.

Oh, really?

Or right before them?

Yeah.

And they're so you deal with the really tough cases.

I deal with all of it.

I deal with all of it.

But

what people aren't realizing nowadays is that

the toughest case can look the best.

Really?

Because, oh, yeah, because the actors and the actresses and the people, they could be drinking around the clock, but they'll have a couple of green juices in there and they'll take a steam and they'll take care of themselves and they'll make sure that their calories are a certain way.

Also, they can drink.

So the liver and the pancreas is still, and the kidneys are all still processing the alcoholism like let's say your ex husband your husband that passed away yeah but they're they're they're keeping the body to look a certain way to look good on the outside while inside they're being destroyed yeah

being detoxed appropriately um medically

but there's always hope there's always i love that you said that thank you because like i said unfortunately in my case anthony's story had a horrific super sad ending And you guys are welcome to read the book.

And that's the reason why I wrote the book, because I thought it's the best thing I can do for him in his memory is if somebody reads it and if it saves somebody out there, right?

Then you say, you know what, I don't want to end up like that.

I want to get help.

So this is the next question.

A lot of people don't know how to get help.

Don't know who to turn to.

It's tough taking the first step.

So what do you say to somebody out there?

Maybe some alcoholic is listening.

Maybe the wife of an alcoholic is, and they're sitting on the couch like, yeah, whatever.

I don't know where to go.

I'm not, you know, rehabs are too expensive.

Not everybody can afford like these fabulous rehabs.

So how do you encourage somebody to take the first step?

That's interesting.

I feel like you just lobbed that for me like right across the plate.

So I actually found

that there's the missing gap out there.

There was a missing gap of what you just asked me.

So I designed an an online course called Wake Up Discover Recovery for people in that situation.

They couldn't,

interventionists, they couldn't afford a rehab.

They didn't know where to go.

They were scared of going right to the Alcoholics Anonymous Rooms.

They didn't know if they should go to church.

So I made an online course for people.

And they can literally walk through the steps and figure out where the next action hits.

I love that.

There was a big, big gap of people not knowing what to do.

Yes, there is.

And not being able to afford it.

Yeah, I know there is.

Like in our case, we could afford any rehab in the country.

Of course, nothing worked because he didn't want it.

But I know because I went to

El-Anon.

El-Anon is like the support system for family members of alcoholics.

And I know a lot of women were crying.

They're like, we cannot afford it.

We don't know where to go.

I know a lot of people literally don't know how to get help.

So, how do they find?

And I love the idea online because there's this whole, there's also an issue of privacy.

A lot of people are embarrassed.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, you know, listen,

I may even change the name of the court.

It's doing really well.

But from Discover Recovery to like Discover Life, because it's not about just the Alcohol Can Act.

It's for the women and the children that also may not know what they're dealing with.

Right.

So it's about discovering what the heck is happening and how to to live.

It is.

So, how do they people find it, Adam?

So, you can go on my website, or you can go on my Instagram handle, or you can go on Facebook.

But

once you click on my name, the wake-up series is there.

I made it very affordable.

And

I created it for people that were lost.

Yeah, I love it.

So, I'm definitely going to put all this information for you guys when I publish the videos, all his links and everything, so you can find him.

Because I think this information is so important.

So important.

I think it's hard to take the first step.

And I think it's hard, like you said, to admit, because most alcoholics don't admit they're alcoholics, right?

They drink.

I don't know if you were like in the open, like if everybody knew.

I'll tell you guys a story here that I never told anyone.

Only my very, very close inner circle knows that.

My mom passed away a year before my husband in 2017.

She was an alcoholic, but she was a closet alcoholic, so to speak.

Like she would hide it from everyone, totally functioning.

She was a chef, she was a restaurant owner, and she thought nobody noticed that she drank.

She was like that kind of alcoholic, you know, that would hide the bottle in her closet behind her clothes.

Did you ever see cases like that, Adam?

And she thought we didn't notice that she was always like, there was always like a little vodka something around her.

So there is all kinds of cases.

There is like the alcoholic that is full-blown, like my husband.

There is the alcoholic that goes and asks for help.

And there are alcoholics that are totally hiding from their family and functioning because they don't want people to find out that they drink.

But of course, ultimately, it always comes out, right?

It should come out, yeah.

It should come out.

And funny enough, in my case, they both died, believe it or not.

Yeah, I know.

This is why it's so important to me to put stories like that out there, because I know so many families go through what I went through, and it's, you don't know where to turn to for help.

You know, you don't know who to talk to.

And again, many times the family member, I don't know if it was your case, but I almost died in the process.

of trying to help my husband, you know, so it's tough for family members as well, right?

Yeah, it's very tough, it's very tough.

I know my ex-wife and my family all went through hell, um,

you know, but

yeah,

it worked.

Thank goodness they saved you.

Yeah, so your success started.

Now, let me move on and ask something else that I absolutely loved that I saw on your Instagram.

A little while ago, I think last week, maybe, you did a post and it's about choosing your heart.

I'm never going to forget that.

You basically put all these things like, maybe you can help me refresh people's memory.

You say like being fat is hard and losing weight and being slim is hard, right?

Yeah.

And you use a bunch of phrases.

Can you tell people about the other ones?

Help me out.

You said like

basically it's the polar opposites, right?

Being poor is hard, being rich is hard yeah

choose your heart exactly and in i love that you said that in every area yeah being broke is hard but yeah making money is really hard too and yeah being an addict is hard being out of shape is hard and i'm never gonna forget that because many times uh we choose we think oh i'm gonna sit on the couch eating potato chips and fried food and I'm gonna get out of shape.

But you forget how hard that is because if you lose your health, you lose everything.

exactly so choose your heart how do you convince people to choose the right heart

well that's where i believe you have to be um

very sensitive very delicate like a surgeon right you have to go in and you have to know how to you know you have to really study the person who's with you and know what their maybe what their love languages are and how they're going to understand you and understand you know what's what's important to them.

Really understand your client.

Have empathy for who you're speaking with.

You know what I mean?

To find their pain points, where they're really struggling, what's really hurting them.

And then convince them

that there's a way out because there is a way out.

Yeah,

I agree.

Yeah.

And allow them to go on their own hero's journey.

where you know hopefully they'll take me by the hand and we will walk through the forest forest together you know we will walk through the dark forest and come out the other end

so it take it it's a very sensitive delicate process that should be done lovingly in my opinion yeah i love that i'm gonna take a two minute break and i'm gonna come back with adam for a few more questions if that's okay with you hang in there uh this is a fantastic hat on the loose because it's so rich of serious information that we all a lot of people need out there we'll be right back guys hi guys i'm back with adren Jablin.

He's a certified life coach, addiction specialist.

I have 10 million more questions.

I hope you come back after this episode for another episode because I know a lot of people are going to send me questions for you.

These are such important subjects.

We talked a lot about alcoholism.

Let's talk a little bit because addiction can be a lot of other things, right?

It can be drug addiction, it can be food addiction, right?

Do you treat, do you help people with all kinds of addictions?

All kinds.

All kinds.

Food, gambling, shopping, you know,

anything.

So,

is there something, and I love that you were saying that before we cut for the break, that about choosing your heart and getting the person through the dark woods, which I identify with, because I've been through such hell, such an ordeal.

Yeah, many times, like you're in the middle of the woods, and you're like, oh my god, I'm never getting out of here.

And a lot of people think about giving up.

A lot of people stay in the woods.

Is there something like a key phrase or like something major?

Anybody listening now, like that you encourage the person, just take the first step, just keep moving through the darkness.

You just nailed it.

Exactly.

Right.

You know, keep going, push through, find a mentor, find a coach, find somebody you can trust that you can lean on that's been through it before.

Follow their direction to a T.

Don't think you know better.

And truly, truly watch your life transform.

But then

someone looks at you and says, Oh, Adam, but it's so hard.

You know, it's so hard.

I need to lose a hundred pounds.

You know, it's so, so then what do you say?

Well, it's hard both ways.

You know, and it's, it's really, it's more hard in your mind than it is to actually do it.

I agree.

It's more hard in your mind than it is to actually do it.

Always.

Yeah, I completely agree with you.

I think the power is in your mind.

How do you explain that?

How do you prove that to someone?

If that makes sense, like, because there are a lot of people that don't understand how powerful their mind is.

Well, I go through a whole

slew of, you know, it depends on each person, but I mean, I go through their heart, their conscious mind, their subconscious mind.

I find out the causes and conditions of what got them to where they're sitting in front of me.

And we really, really take a look at what is possible and how the simple, simple, you know, when people are in,

they trip up.

That's the truth.

The head can't figure it out and wants to say, well, it's always like this, it's always like that.

I did this.

But when you can get somebody into their heart center, into their gut, into their body, into their knowing,

that's where the change can happen.

Right?

So my job is to make them understand that we can do this.

Right.

God designed us not to do things alone.

That's a we and that we can fucking do this.

God, it is.

You take my hand.

Michael Jordan never won one basketball game by himself.

True.

Kobe Bryant, never by himself.

Tom Brady, never by himself.

It takes a team.

It takes a wee.

Right?

So that's what I'm there to help my client.

They really become Neo from the Matrix and I become Morpheus.

Or they become Michael Jordan, and I become Phil Jackson, and I'm coaching them to become the ultimate version of themselves.

And yeah, it's going to take work, but when you fall in love with the work,

it's not work anymore.

I love that you said that because it's so true.

I think the first steps are crazy hard, no matter what it is.

Like you said, it's super hard to make money.

It's super hard to be successful.

It's crazy hard to lose weight.

But once you start climbing up the steps and you see the results, you want to keep going, right?

It becomes addictive.

You get momentum.

Yeah.

Do you agree that most addictions have like a core ulterior reason?

Like a lot of people that overeat,

that are addicted to food.

Many times it's not because they love the food, it's because they're trying to hide maybe some sadness, they're trying to fill a void, or do you think that's belonging?

Of course.

Well,

i do believe that some past trauma always will make things you know uh

sought after in a in a greater way

um but there is a there is also a very necessary thing to look at which is people like the effect

you know like it yes you're you're gonna mask some traumas yes you're gonna mask some painful times yes you're but but at the end of the day at the end of the day, if you can't make it black and white for people to be like, but I like the way it feels.

Well, there you go.

Let's make it simple.

Once we get rid of that part, right, you liked the way it felt and now it's starting to destroy you.

Yeah.

Now we can go behind the door and look at why you continue to do it.

Yeah.

But you can't just go, well, you know, it's past trauma and you really, you know, you're really kind of disguising what you didn't deal with your mother.

Like, people are gonna be like, go fuck yourself.

You know what I mean?

Exactly.

Yeah.

I drink because I want to drink.

I eat because I want to eat.

Okay.

Yes.

Once you so start with, yes, you like the effect.

That's great advice.

Now, this is a tough question.

Do you, once somebody quits drinking, like you,

for example,

that person can never drink again?

Or do you think addicts get to the point that, oh yeah, now I'm a normal person, I can have my glass of wine every now and again?

Or do you think stay away from what your addiction was, period?

Each perk.

Look, so

what I've had to learn is I can speak for myself and then I can speak for other people and clients.

For myself,

I am an alcoholic and an addict that is fully, fully devoted to my recovery.

Okay.

One thing I take will lead back to all roads, right?

Like they're all all roads are going to lead back, right?

It's just one, I think that one, I make that one wrong choice because I was that much.

Now,

in my training and what I have learned is everybody's recovery is their own.

And that was very difficult for me to

process.

Yeah.

So I have people that did do crystal math and things like that that can have a couple of glasses of wine.

I have had people that were severe coke heads and I could go down a huge list.

You know what I i mean and you know amphetamines and but but still can have an ambient or you know still can smoke some medical marijuana now i can't dictate for to them what their recovery looks like because they're happy and healthy and thriving and doing other things for me personally and what i love is when you have full total recovery and sobriety because there's nothing more delicious oh no i agree and i love that you said that you you choose a path and you just stick with it and and you can be happy with your path.

Absolutely.

In my case, my mom loved vodka.

And believe it or not, Anthony loved vodka.

They were both alcoholics because of the freaking vodka.

When they died, going through all the process, I started drinking vodka.

And then I was like, wait a minute, you know, I'm having like vodka drinks every week.

And am I really going to end up

like them and I don't I'm not a doctor, but I started wondering maybe I have the alcoholism gene in me because of my mom.

I made a conscious decision, like, you know what?

That's it.

I am never going to have hard liquor ever again because I don't want to end up like they did.

I don't want to have this horrible death.

So, yeah, it was a conscious decision that this is horrible for me.

And I agree with you.

I don't miss it.

I have a super happy life.

I drink a glass of wine here and there because I love wine.

But yeah, I think you need to figure out something that works for you and makes you happy and stick with it.

Now, before I I let you go, can you explain what your hero project is?

Because I think it's so fabulous.

Yeah, thank you for asking.

So the hero project is my 90-day one-on-one intensive where I really take the person through their hero's journey.

I have different ways of coaching.

I have the hero method, the hero way.

But

the hero project is where I really take my client one-on-one.

And we walk through their hero's hero's journey.

And it's, it's a very, I only take four clients on at a time for the hero project.

You know, it's higher end,

but it's, it's

my most powerful work that I do.

And to see somebody come out the other end 90 days later and tackle every obstacle that they had in their life is so, I can't tell you how rewarding it is.

It sounds amazing.

And 90 days goes by crazy fast, so it must be really intense.

It's, well, it's intense with love.

Yeah.

You know, I mean,

part of the work that I do, I need to be very enjoyable for my client.

So it's intense, but not in a way that they feel inundated with information.

It just, they finally start feeling their own power.

And

they start connecting to something greater.

And they start realizing that, you know,

we were meant to shine, that God wants us to shine, not play small.

So,

you know, as I let my client go through this journey, you know,

I'm the mentor.

We walk through that dark forest and we slay the dragons.

And it's the hard conversations, but I'm there with them the entire time.

When they come out, you know, many of them want to do the work that I do because it's that fulfilling.

How fantastic.

And so,

anybody with any kind of addiction, anybody that feels they need help to turn their life around can participate in this hero project.

Yeah, the hero project is not only for alcoholism and addictions, it's for, you know, lack of confidence and security.

It's a whole slew of things.

You know, when you're just stuck in that rut,

you know, alcoholism and addiction is what I came out of to find my hero's journey.

But everybody's hero's journey is different.

It's different.

Yeah, because again, you're not only an addiction specialist you are a certified life coach meaning like you said there are a lot of people out there after covid all this crap that they lack motivation to work or they're stuck in a career they don't love right it could be all kinds of different mental issues do you help help people like maybe in an unhappy relationship like

this is a podcast about sex dating and relationships I talk to people every single day like they are stuck nobody likes them or they're like in a shitty marriage.

And oh my god, would you coach them for that as well?

Always.

Okay, so maybe I need to enroll in your

how not to date a-holes.

Can you help me change the pattern of dating a-holes?

Yeah, of course, of course.

But believe it or not, it is the internal work.

You know, it's the eternal work.

That's a whole, I need to get you back here.

So

we got to do a whole episode about coaching people on how to change because it's a true subject.

Like, how do you change your pattern of dating horrible people?

Because it happens to a lot of women.

You get tangled up with the bad, the bad, the bad, the bad.

That's how my podcast started.

Now it's better because I'm peakier.

But I get hundreds of messages from women and men, Adam.

They're like, oh my God, I'm like such a successful, beautiful person.

What's wrong with me that I keep getting tangled up with the worst of the worst of the worst you know

a lot of times what i have found is there's some false belief in the background that's playing over and over and over and it's not the easiest thing to get to because so many of us have worked on our mindsets the conscious mind that we think oh no no but i know all of this but you may know it but is it in your subconscious or is it in your heart

right you may know it but are you really living it

you know and and what's happening is if you keep attracting the wrong person or the wrong feelings, no, you're in the wrong center.

So, we have to rewire because you know it, but you're not living it.

You know it, you're not walking it.

So, we have to literally take some of that shit out and just download the new systems.

And before you know it, you're really, everything's working incongruent.

I love that.

Yeah, awesome.

So, ladies and gentlemen, if you want some guidance on how to change your dating life, I know I do,

you know, and again, it's a big problem out there.

Like, so many people stay in unhappy relationships because they literally don't know how to change it.

Or single people don't know how to find the right partner.

So maybe it's a great idea to get a life coach like you to change the pattern, right?

Absolutely.

Before I let you go, yeah, do you think the dating apps made relationships harder in general?

Like to.

I don't know.

I don't, you know, it's not the thing I really focus on because it's not my expertise.

And

I could, for every one person that I could tell you that it's been harder, I could show you one person that they fell in love that way.

I love that.

Right.

And so it's like, look, it's kind of like the phone.

And

social media can be the best thing ever.

And you can market yourself and brand yourself and make a ton of money.

Or it could be one of the worst things ever.

And you can be addictive.

And you can compare yourself and feel bad about yourself.

So

it's all perception and where you're at and what you're doing.

I love that, it's so true.

Thank you so much.

You are absolutely amazing.

I'm sure I'm gonna get dozens of questions for you, so I will definitely invite you back if you're willing to come back for another episode for a follow-up episode.

Adam Jablin, and you said all this information people can find on your Instagram, right?

On your website, guys.

I'm gonna publish the video, so go to my Insta, please follow his work.

He's amazing, and you know, really, you're inspirational.

Even if you guys don't do a course with him just looking at your post like i said the pick your hard post it really stuck in my head check out his work because you post like pretty much every day right this amazing video

yeah i consider it part look you know it's it's it's part of it it's part of the work yeah right the idea is to to want to be able to help people and serve people yeah so if you can't if you can't always work with them one-on-one you at least want to be able to give them some information that they can use Yeah, super important information.

And I really loved that you said in the beginning of our conversation that you think everybody can turn their life around.

There is always hope for anyone out there that seeks help.

Always.

Do any message you want to send people out there how to take the first step?

Like if somebody's really sad at home listening to this, do you can't anything you'd say to encourage them?

You know what?

I would say, I would say there's hope, reach out for help.

Just reach out for help.

And, you know, move a muscle, change a thought.

Move a muscle, change it though.

I love that.

Don't feel embarrassed, right?

Don't be embarrassed.

No.

Put it all out there.

I know.

You know what?

At the end of the day, you piece of shit.

Exactly.

I am so past being embarrassed.

Like, I literally put my whole life in a book because I agree with you.

It's like, hopefully, our stories inspire other people to get help and do the same and turn their lives around.

Exactly.

Thank you so much, Adam.

You are absolutely amazing.

I am so honored to have you here.

Thank you for having me.

This was an incredible Cat on the Lose Friday, and I see you guys next week, Adam Jablin.

Thank you.