Boozie Besties

Hi guys, happy Friday, new cat on the loose to get your weekend started.

And today I have a guest.

I am so excited to talk to her.

Her name is Desiree Simone.

She also has a podcast about sex, dating, and relationships.

So this is going to be interesting.

Hi, Desiree.

Hey, Kat, how are you?

I'm good.

How are you?

Happy Friday.

Happy Friday.

We made it.

I know we made it.

We are making it somehow, right?

Yeah.

I don't know how we did but we got here so there you go i have so much i want to ask you uh so i'm gonna jump right on it but let's start by you you do a podcast it's called break bottles not hearts and you are known as the boozy bestie why boozy bestie

um well prime example i'm in my bed drinking whiskey love it

after my after my really fun day at work so that's that's exactly why um no i've always kind of gravitated being called a boozy bestie just because I've always been the kind of girl that any of my friends have had relationship issues or questions.

They're like, okay, Desiree, I need some help or what about this and da da da da.

And my first response is, well, do you want to meet at the bar and talk about it?

And then I can help you.

And then that's kind of what happens.

And I'm a former bartender.

I'm a former food beverage manager.

So that kind of lifestyle of being into the booze world and me personally i'm a huge whiskey and tequila lover

tequila like snob slash historian wow that's awesome so you add that together with a potty mouth

a girl who drinks tequila like water

and then you basically have me oh my god can i please be your boozy bestie too i love it oh my god you're like the coolest girlfriend you have a great potty mouth you drink.

I mean, you have fabulous energy.

I love it.

Oh my God.

Fake hair.

It's awesome.

By the way, guys, her hair looks insanely, insanely gorgeous.

After the podcast, you guys gotta go to my Instagram.

I'm gonna drop the videos there.

Like, how is this?

She looks like a freaking supermodel.

So I don't know what the hell you're talking about.

I love the hair.

So coming from a supermodel, are you thinking something?

I wish.

Desiree, how did you end up starting your podcast?

So I started it actually just a few months ago.

It's only been about like four months.

But the podcast is actually the evolution of my blog, which I started in 2011, which is mind-boggling to even say that out loud.

I started the blog

honestly as like a writing prompt to kind of go through my divorce at the time.

And it really was just something to get my emotions out.

I had no intention of anybody reading it.

It was just going to be like an online diary, really.

And then I kind of kept flushing into it.

I told a couple of friends that I was doing it, mainly just because I was like, I'm just getting my emotions out.

And so if you just want to see a couple of things, there you go.

But I have comedy and laughter as a defense mechanism.

Oh my God.

I do the same.

I'm not calling myself funny.

I'm just telling you what other people are saying about calling me like you should write about this.

And oh, I dated this one guy, and I know you have a similar story.

And that was kind of how I started.

And from now, it's grown.

And I got some amazing writing opportunities, guest writing opportunities.

And it was actually my fiancé who was like, you need to make the blog into a podcast.

And that's how we got it.

Yeah, I love the name, Break Bottles, Not Hearts.

So that takes us to the second thing.

So people get to know you a little better.

We have a lot in common because it's the same thing.

I started before I did the podcast, I did a blog.

It was like a catharsis just talking about this cripples that I hated

after being married for 14 years.

That's how Cat on the Loose started.

Yeah.

And then, yeah, happily,

it just grew an audience because obviously there are a lot of women out there.

I think everybody has a breakup story, a date story.

Yeah, I know.

Raise your hands, right?

But we're going to get into that in a minute.

The first thing is:

you said you are engaged.

And you told me he's doing the podcast with you.

He is.

He's my sidekick.

That is

cool.

Don't get it fiscal.

He's number two.

Yeah, he's the sidekick.

But does it complicate the relationship that you guys are doing it together?

Does it make it spicier and more fun?

It makes it spicy and fun because usually throughout the week, we kind of get inspiration.

And then depending on what mood, because the other part of the podcast is we drink during the podcast.

So, depending on what we're drinking and depending on how much we're drinking, you can tell a difference in certain episodes by how intoxicated we get because we look super inappropriate.

And he's just like, I never knew you felt that way.

And I'm like, well, that's the third shot of tequila talking.

I love it.

I listened to a few episodes and I thought you guys like our super fun together.

Amazing.

when

when are you getting married or are you going to enjoy being a fiancé for a while um we're actually going to be enjoying being engaged for a while because we're trying to figure out if we want to buy a home this year so we've we've pushed the date a bit which i am actually thrilled about because i jumped into my first marriage super excited young naive and this time i said you know what I don't mind, you know, taking my time really for this one.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

How long have you guys been dating

we've been together in May will be three years wow that's so nice yeah and how did you meet did you meet on a dating app or a place

this is a good one so we met at a cigar bar because we both love smoking cigars that's so cool you're the coolest chick ever

I was there.

I went after work.

I kind of moved to this area.

I heard about this particular bar,

went in there after work, got a cocktail, smoked a cigar.

And a lot of times in the cigar world, which is kind of unfortunate sometimes, there's not a lot of women and there's definitely not a lot of black women.

And so I was there at the bar,

interestingly enough, talking about my blog.

And the way he tells the story, because of course I'm the only woman, there's like 10 men and I'm sitting here talking about, oh, I have a blog where I talk about boydots and anal and blah, blah, blah.

So of course all the men are like, what?

Sorry, what?

And you're smoking cigars and drinking whiskey.

What?

What?

So the way he likes to tell the story is he saw me, thought I was obnoxious and pretentious,

and was not interested.

Really?

But I mentioned that at my previous job, I did a jazz set because I would do a jazz set where I would sing every Wednesday night.

And so I mentioned that in conversation, and he remembered.

So one month later,

he remembers that, goes on a Wednesday night and asks me out on a date

while I was currently on a date with another guy.

Really?

Oh my God, that's so cool.

And then you liked him?

I did.

And I still to this day don't know how I did it, but I said yes to his date in front of the other guy.

Well, that means the other guy, the date wasn't going that well, probably, right?

It was going decent.

It's just, you know

whatever and then this other guy looking all charming and ever literally asked me out in front of another dude and i was just like sure okay cool and then you guys been together ever since

it was perfect yeah super cool and you've been with him ever since then been with him ever since yeah so like i said three years in may oh my god note to self find cigar bars in la

ladies i'm telling you honor to god that's exactly what you need to do.

If you need to find a cigar bar, you don't need to smoke them.

You need to walk in and just be like, oh my God.

My brother is graduating from medical school and I want to get him a cigar as a gift.

I will.

Can you show me like a good one?

I wonder if there's, I never heard of cigar bars in LA, but I will most definitely do my research as soon as we're done with the podcast

because it's a fabulous idea for single ladies out there like me.

Because that's the next thing I want to talk to you about.

I've been single for many years and I've dated a bunch of like really, really bad men.

So I, you know, I tone down my dating life a lot.

Like I get peek here and peek and peek here.

But what do you think about dating apps?

Did you try dating apps before you met your boyfriend?

Because I just meet, sorry guys, but a lot of crap out there.

It's shit.

Absolutely shit.

But every once in a while, there is, you know, a success story.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I did dating apps.

I also was the plenty of fish matched.com,

all of those.

I never even tried those because I don't even have the patience or the time.

I did, I did all of them.

Wow.

Yeah, I agree with you.

I think the dating apps, uh, I, of course, every once in a while, there's an exception, but I think most people out there, honestly, they're just players.

Oh, gosh, yeah.

I mean, at the end of the day, you know, it kind of is what what it is.

And for

the longest time Bull came out, I had that intention of I could find something genuine from this.

Then I just got to the point where I was like, fuck it, I'm just going to go and have a great time.

I'm going to use this as a, I have nothing to do Saturday night.

If I want to go out and have a drink or go out and have dinner or meet a guy at a bar, like there you go.

I will say I did actually get one relationship from tender.

Oh, yeah.

And it was, yep, and it was the

third tender date I'd ever actually been on.

That I've been on two that were just complete.

But then I went on this tender date with a guy and ended up being in a two-year relationship with him.

Oh, wow.

Okay.

See, there you go.

So it does.

No, I've, I've haven't had relationships with people I've met on dating apps, but yeah, I've, I've had horrible dates

and I had some cool guys that ended up being my friends, you know, exactly.

Business contacts.

Now, I know you're doing the podcast.

It hasn't been a long time but I ask all my guests that my experience is a lot of men get super intimidated when they find out I do a podcast about sex dating and relationships number one

a lot of them the first thing they say is oh my god you're an expert on the subject and it's exactly the opposite i'm like no we're not we're just girls trying to figure out to navigate the world of dating and relationships but and then there is this the guys that say oh yeah you do a podcast and then when they listen to it they feel super intimidated and they ask me oh so you're gonna talk about me on the podcast

so they freak out

does that happen to you as well i mean i know you've been with your boyfriend but like in general

do you think intimidates people so yeah so the blog was like that so the podcast has basically been you know he and i but the blog i've been doing since 2011.

So I

actually use that to my advantage on all of my dating profiles.

I flat out said, I have a sex and dating blog.

I am very active on it.

People end up on it.

And so it was weird because a lot of guys use that as, ooh, I want to go out with her and maybe I end up on the blog.

And so one of the things that I would always tell guys, especially the first date is, you kind of don't want to be on it or you really, really do.

Because I had, I basically had several rules when it it came to the blog.

The first one being I've never named names ever,

but the other

was I'm very honest, good or bad.

And even if it makes me look like a dick, I'm honest about it.

Yeah.

Like, there's a couple of articles where I dated a married guy and I wasn't very proud of myself.

And I hated.

Oh my God, I have one episode about that too.

Oh, my God.

That's so funny.

We have so many stories that make me look great, but I'm brutally honest about it.

And so, you know, guys would always be like, all right, so am I going to end up on the blog?

And I'm like, well, no, first of all, if you're a decent guy,

I'm not going to write about you.

I'm going to write about you if you're an exceptional asshole or if the sex is really, really fucking good or you do something really amazing.

Otherwise, if you're just a normal average human being, which I would hope most men are.

You kind of don't want to end up on it.

Yeah.

In the first place.

I know.

That's the same thing I always tell guys.

well if you're a nice decent human i'm only gonna say nice things about you and if you're an a-hole and you do something horrible then yeah you might end up there but that being

yeah that being said i'm why there's an article about the racist guy that i had sex with uh yeah

yeah my last one that i um my tuesday podcast of this week i uh i redid an episode that i had done in the beginning of the podcast two years ago about this cripple that I was dating.

I don't know if you listen to it, he turned out to be the biggest freaking dick.

Uh, he was disgusting.

He tells me in the middle of this four-play massage that he's just dating and massaging a bunch of women at the same time, and I wanted to vomit.

And this guy, and of course, I never name name names.

There is nothing that anybody can identify him.

When I published the episode, he sent me the nastiest message: Like, yeah, calling me names.

I can't believe you did that.

And I just blocked him.

I'm like, dude, you know, you're lucky I didn't give clues to other girls find out about who you are because you're a fucking cripple.

Right?

More importantly, I'm sure his massages were illegal.

Like, get out of here.

I know.

What an a-hole.

And the same thing.

I have a story about a married guy, and I feel super not proud of it.

But this was another a-hole.

I met him on the set of a TV show that we were filming

last year.

I think it was last year.

I don't want to give too many details because he's married, of course.

And he tells me he's married in the middle of sex when we're in bed and we had three bottles of wine.

Shut up.

I swear he was pursuing me, pursuing me, taking pictures of me on the set, da-da-da-da-da.

And then he comes up with a business excuse to take me to dinner.

So we drink a ton of wine.

And anyways, Kinda Sarah Short, I end up in his hotel room and I'm in bed with this guy in between

fucks.

Yeah, I know, right?

Oh my God.

I know.

Now, I wonder why we have trust issues, bed.

Exactly.

But now, let me ask you your opinion.

This is the shit.

A lot.

Yeah, I know.

A lot of my listeners, when they listen to this episode about the married dude, they told me, you gotta tell his wife, you gotta tell his wife, this guy is a creep.

And I said, I don't think it's my place.

So I, of course, I just, I didn't say anything.

What is your opinion?

My opinion on that?

Yeah.

So, so, especially in that one, it was really interesting because she actually found me and emailed me.

And I was mortified.

And I remember contacting him and was like, your wife just emailed me.

And I

was like, wait, wait, wait, wait.

I just need you to know that.

Okay, so in your story, you were dating the married guy.

Did you know he was married?

You did not know he was married.

We were not dating.

It was strictly sex.

And he only called me when I was in the area.

And it was one of those things that in the beginning, kind of like, well, at least similar to yours, and I feel like similar to a lot of women, it was, oh, yeah, I'm not married.

You know, I'm single, you know.

Then Then it was, oh, I'm married, but we're having issues.

We might be separated.

Yeah.

And there was like those like breadcrumbing basically.

It was like, yeah, like we might be ending, we might be breaking up.

And then of course, you know, well, I don't think we're going to be doing anytime soon for the kids.

And I was just like, dude, I'm not, I'm not doing this.

Like, this is, this is ridiculous.

It was strictly a physical relationship that I 100% regret because

it just wasn't, it just wasn't worth it.

And then, of course, to have an email from the woman be like I know who you are I know what's been going on I just wish you would just like end it and then of course to later find out years later that I was one of many women that he was yeah I think a cheater

yeah like

years later I wanted to find her and be like I hope you divorced him because he really was a piece of shit I know I think a cheater

he doesn't cheat only with one person very likely they're cheating with a bunch of people like this guy that i that I happened to me, that I was in bed with him and he tells me he's married.

Same thing I found out.

He was doing that show a bunch of girls.

Like every set he works on the TV show, he hits on a bunch of girls working on that show.

So

do you think I should have told his wife or just stay out of it?

I would stay out of it.

I feel so,

especially because I've been in this situation, I feel so

much for the other person.

I agree with you.

I think I definitely had an easy out that I could have responded.

But I also know that at the time I was very young.

I was very naive.

And knowing me, I would have said something that would have just made it worse.

I think probably now, hindsight being 20, 20.

Maybe I probably would say something.

But then again, I also, having been in that position, would never get myself in that position again.

I know.

Never.

Me neither.

That's the most important thing.

Yeah.

But

I don't know.

That's a hard one.

My instinct is to be like, you're already, you're already wrong by being with a married guy.

So now you're going to make it even worse by telling a wife.

Exactly.

I agree.

Just abort mission.

I know.

I got so many messages telling me, you got to tell her.

And I said, you know, in my opinion,

it's none of my business.

I either maybe she knows the husband she has and she doesn't want to see it, or hopefully one of these days she's going to figure it out for herself.

But I don't want to get tangled up in that mess.

And I believe in karma and I believe in good energy, so I don't want anybody else's men.

Exactly, exactly, exactly.

Oh my god!

Okay, I'm gonna be back with Desiree.

I'm gonna take a two-minute break for a lovely sponsor, and then I want to talk about a tough subject, not for you, Desiree, because you're in love

for me.

Valentine's Day coming

soon.

Let's see if we can can come up with some fun ideas for single people out there to not feel left out of the game to not feel depressed and as you know i think the entire universe knows i have the worst valentine's day horror story on planet earth correct your heart you really you really i listened to the episode you truly hands down have the worst story I've ever heard of my entire life.

I know.

I tried.

I told my listeners, can you guys send me a Valentine's Day story worse than this one?

And to this day,

nobody was able to.

And this was like two years ago,

almost three years ago.

So

after the break, we're going to talk about the story and we are going to figure out, you know, what the hell are single people supposed to do on such a love date?

Are we supposed to hide under the couch or we're supposed to do something fun?

I don't know.

It's so much fun having you here.

We'll be right back, guys.

Cat on the Lose is graciously, graciously sponsored by another podcast that I love so much called Ira on Sports.

It's the best sports podcast in the nation.

The host, Ira, is a walking encyclopedia of sports knowledge.

He goes to games all over the country.

It is so much fun to follow him he publishes every monday a new episode and amazing interviews with athletes sports writers a lot of super fun guests all the time so i highly recommend it if you guys are into sports ira on sports podcast

I don't like comfy chairs.

This works out for fashion.

Okay, we're back.

I'm here with Desiree.

She's like the coolest chick in the world because she loves drinking.

She's She's a great friend.

She has an awesome podcast.

I love the name called Break Bottles, Not Hearts.

And on her podcast, she talks about the same crap that I do here: sex, dating, and relationships.

Luckily for her,

you're engaged.

I am.

So you're out of this crazy dating game.

Congratulations.

Maybe next episode, I want to interview you and your fiancé.

Of course, of course.

but you know one of the things I will say and I didn't really realize this until like having gone through divorce and being engaged again you have to still date when you're in a relationship what do you mean there's there's so

date the person yeah of course yeah

so one of the things that we love doing is we we try to do a date night

um we have the greatest amations to do it weekly that does not happen real life happens but we definitely have those moments where we're like, you know what?

Let's have a date night.

And one of the things that I will give him credit on, he is really cute about sending me a text message and saying, hey, Desiree, I don't know what your plans are tonight, but I'd love to take you out to dinner.

I'm just like,

that's so sweet.

Are you serious?

So you still have to like date and like go out and kind of court that person.

Yes, for sure.

Yeah.

Look, I think any relationship takes work.

And you got to keep the spark alive, right?

You got to keep the fire going.

You can't just become like a boring couple.

Yeah, absolutely.

So we're not boring.

No, I'm sure you're not.

You guys are amazing.

So we are in January

and Valentine's Day is a little less than a month away.

So let's talk a little bit about that.

It's a lot of pressure for singles.

I think for most singles.

In my case i'll tell you guys first i don't really feel pressure but it's a day that kind of makes me sad being single i'll confess

because you see like all the roses and the bonbons and the fancy dinners so on usually on valentine's day and of course my last valentine's day like we were saying a little bit was the valentine's day from

hell Truly.

After that one, I didn't have another one.

So I kind of feel it's a day that I basically just,

let's say, I wouldn't try to go to a bar or something on that day.

Exactly.

So do you have any suggestions for people like me out there?

Like, should we do something fun or just, you know, do a Netflix night, call it a night and move on, get over it?

I think it really depends on you.

You know, one of the things that you and I talked about when we were talking about topics for this episode was for years, I've, I can, and even to this day, I feel like I've still had more single/slash slash I hate Valentine's Day than I've had with someone.

And so

because

I'm also somebody who loves horror films and I'm obsessed with all things horror,

I used to do, I used to do like a My Bloody Valentine where I would binge a bunch of scary movies.

And then I would call my other girlfriends who were also single and be like, let's watch all the scream movies.

Let's get a whole bucket of pizza.

And then just basically do the opposite of Valentine's Day.

It's like blood and guts and gore.

And then we watch like cheesy 80s horror films and things like that to just basically get your head out of romance.

That's a good idea.

Of dumb blonde girls who are running into a forest where the killer is clearly right behind them and you're yelling at the TV.

So I used to do like a My Bloody Valentine for all my single friends for years.

But then outside of that, you know, for those who aren't really into scary movies, one of the things, especially when I got into my 30s and after my divorce, especially after my divorce, one of the things that I wanted to do for Valentine's Day was I wanted to spoil me.

I wanted to give me all the things that I wanted.

And

I didn't want to be unapologetic about it.

So I went and got myself flowers.

I went and gave myself a pedicure.

I went and, you know, ordered the big thing of sushi that, oh my God, I'm never going to eat.

And it's made for a couple, but fuck it.

I'm going to sign up.

You love it.

Yeah.

And eat this sushi myself.

I wanted to go out and get dressed up for me.

I did all those things because I might not have a partner that's going to do it for me, but I damn sure know I deserve it.

So yeah, I'm going to buy myself roses.

And yeah, I'm going to take myself out.

And yeah, I'm going to look really, really cute.

And then I'm going to get a bottle of Jameson.

I looked at my ex's Instagram.

James, I know.

Look, I freaking love your ideas.

I'm not a horror movie kind of person because, believe it or not, I'm scared of horror movies.

I know I'm like a child, but I think it's a fabulous idea for girls out there.

Like, get together and do like some kind of a girly party.

Or

this idea that you talk about self-care.

I think it's awesome.

And I'll tell you what, not only on Valentine's Day, by the way, like lately, last year, not just because of COVID, because I was writing a book and I was so sick of dating assholes, I decided to go on a man diet.

And I don't know if you listened to the episode, but I was like, no, that's it.

I'm on a man diet.

I want to date me.

I want to be alone.

And it did me a lot of good because it's like you were saying, I would literally stay home a lot and I still do that.

And I just...

pamper me, pamper myself.

You know, I date me.

Like sometimes Friday night, I don't feel like going out with a bunch of people.

I literally just open a bottle of wine that I love.

I order food that I love or I cook from.

You don't need, and that's the thing I think women need to learn.

You should not need a man to do all these things.

You can want a man.

You should want a man, right?

But in terms of needing, we should be 100% self-sufficient to do things that we love doing, right?

Exactly.

Exactly.

And one of the other things that I did, and I did this a few times,

it's also really important to think about people who are probably a little bit older who don't have someone, whether it's divorce, whether it's death.

And so, I've always tried to, especially reach out to those.

I've got, you know, a couple of family members whose spouses have passed.

And so, you know, to sit here and be bitter about, oh, I'm single on Valentine's Day and I haven't had a good one.

Yeah, so-and-so lost their husband.

And especially, unfortunately, you know, in this world of COVID, there are going to be a lot of people who have Valentine's Days who are like that, where they've lost their partner.

So being able to kind of step out of yourself and sit there and say let me reach out to someone who probably doesn't have a partner because

either death or or military you know people who are deployed and they're overseas and

reach out to that person or let me take that person out to dinner and get out of my oh i'm singles like well you might be single but this person lost a liver of her life last year during a car accident so that is that is a super good point about that yeah i think of being selfless for somebody else and that'll and that hopefully will help you get out of that mindset as valentine's day sucks yeah and i tell you guys one thing um and it worked for me and you saw my experiences my valentine's day story it was horrible of course at the time i was devastated and i went on today to the a-hole like another year and then he did the same thing to me on my birthday but the secret and i know a lot of girls out there say oh but it's so hard

like you said don't be bitter about it no man the world, or no women for that matter, because I know guys suffer too, deserves you crying and being bitter and being angry because it didn't work.

Try to switch that energy.

I do it like, like you said, that's just my style.

I end up making fun of it.

I just put it out there.

I put it on the podcast.

I tell my girlfriends, I'm like, oh my God, can you believe this happened to me?

Like, seriously?

If I saw it in a movie, I would think these things only happened in a freaking movie.

No man in the world has the the balls to do what he did to me but guess what people do crappy

uh yeah they do but the point is you're right try not to be bitter about it transform it into something nice and by the way valentine's day it doesn't really necessarily mean like you said a couple it's more like a day to celebrate love

In my case,

like last year, I celebrated love with my dog because he's my family Phoenix

and so I did extra fun things with Phoenix

yeah of course

so whatever works

why not and so and then my my dad well my stepdad because my stepdad and my mom have been together for 20 plus years and he practically like raised me

my my stepdad is like the just the OG when it comes to the romantics

and one of the things for the past I'd probably say 10 15 years is he's made it a point to make the day special for me as his step oh my god that is so sweet that's that's another aspect of valentine's day that i always look forward to because you know he'll get a dozen roses for my mom but then he'll send you know like a half dozen to me or like a little thing of chocolate and so you know there's also that connection so maybe you don't have someone but if you happen to have a good relationship with your father make it about your dad make it about your mom yeah if you're close to your dad for sure i'm like you i I have a stepdad, and unfortunately, he's far away down in Brazil right now.

But you're absolutely right to come up with anybody that you love or that you want to share that day with.

But now, I know you're saying all these wonderful things, and you're very lucky.

But did you ever have a crappy Valentine's Day like mine or similar or not?

Oh, yeah.

No one

on the planet earth has had one worse than you.

So, no, mine has not been like yours.

No.

So, no, I've definitely, I've definitely had two happy ones.

Um, there was a guy who was a giant nerd at my job who was like ridiculously in love with me and wanted to take me out on Valentine's Day.

And because I'm a sucker for free food, um, I went out with him.

Like a lot of people are, yeah.

I'm a sucker for free food.

And so he was, it was really sweet.

He borrowed like his dad's old beat up car, and it was so beat up that I literally got back pain from like the

road bumps and whatnot.

It was just like the worst ride.

So when we went out to dinner, I was in ridiculous pain.

And he wrote this poem for me, which was

god-awful.

But I had to sit there and pretend like it was the most beautiful thing in the world.

And I was just completely uncomfortable.

But then I remember thinking, you know what?

This guy is not my cup of tea.

I'm literally doing this because I want a free dinner.

But this might have been like the greatest Valentine's Day for him.

It was embarrassing for me.

So I kind of just went through the rest of the date, like, you know,

maybe this is kind of nice for him.

You were a nice person.

Yeah.

And I was like, this could be good for him.

And then we fast forward to the one Valentine that I spent when I was married.

I a fundraiser at work where I was making, so my fiancé fiancé is literally dancing in front of me right now, trying to be inappropriate.

You can bring him on camera if you're a fundraiser at work where I was making a bunch of chocolate roses.

And so, literally, for days, my house was like a bakery where I was making these chocolate roses for fundraisers.

And I was just getting to the point where I was tired of chocolate and roses, period.

My ex-husband, on our first Valentine's Day together, as a married couple got me four Longston chocolate roses.

That's a little like clueless, maybe, but he didn't.

And I was like, are you freaking kidding me?

Like, you've seen me for days make these things.

You've heard me talk about how much I hate them.

Then you just went to like a bakery and got me my own?

Yeah, that's not nice at all.

That's just

married Valentine's Day.

Like, completely clueless completely clueless

does not hold a candle to your Valentine's Day yeah for the people that didn't listen my Valentine's Day from hell story is on season one but I'm gonna recap super quickly I was dating this guy

and this guy that's the thing he wasn't just like any guy he was the one man I was madly in love with him It was the one person I met after my husband died that I was having a serious relationship with.

I was really, really in love with this guy.

So, and on Valentine's Day, it was the Miami Boat Show, which is a huge event in Miami.

I was living in Miami at the time.

So, and he was a businessman, blah, blah, blah.

And he told me he had a bunch of people from out of town that he needed to entertain.

So, he said, We'll go out at night, but I need to spend the whole day on the boat show.

So, I'm like, okay, of course, I completely understand.

So, at the very end of the day, he tells me to go to his place and wait for him there.

So, So, this is like six o'clock in the afternoon, guys, on Valentine's Day.

I go to his place, I take a shower, I put insanely sexy lingerie, blah, blah, blah.

And I didn't eat because he told me we were going to eat together.

And I'm waiting, waiting, waiting.

And every once in a while, he texts me, Oh, I'm having to eat here with the guys.

Please order something.

Don't worry about me.

I'll be a little late.

And I didn't know.

I felt sorry for him.

I'm like, oh, poor baby.

He's working so late.

I'm not going to eat without him.

I'm going to wait for him to come home.

And so, anyway, cutting the story short, 10 o'clock at night, this guy walks in and I'm in bed.

And he immediately walks in, takes his clothes off in bed.

Of course, we fucked.

We had sex.

And I felt sorry for him and I

fell asleep.

5 a.m.

I wake up and he's not in bed.

So I'm like, what the hell?

Where's this guy?

Turned out the ex-girlfriend that he was with the entire day got suspicious because he came up with some excuse why he needed to go home.

So she drove to his building and she was downstairs in the building calling, calling, calling.

So he had to go down there and shoosh her away.

So she starts sending me all these pictures on my Instagram of the gifts he gave her, Cartier bracelets.

What a piece of work to do.

I know.

And no, to me, honestly, the most, I left the building, of course, in tears, shaking.

But to me, the most disgusting thing was really, we're having sex with this chick the entire day.

You go home, you jump in bed with me.

Like do you?

It's super disgusting, right?

But literally, without taking a freaking shower, like seriously, I know.

Can you imagine how I felt?

I wanted to die.

Oh, God.

Oh, this is all so disgusting.

I know.

And I was the worst woman in the world.

I had zero self-esteem, zero.

And I was going through hell.

I had just lost my husband.

I forgave him.

I ended up dating him for like

another year.

And on my birthday, sure enough, he did the same thing.

He lied that he was going to go on a business dinner and he was having dinner with someone else.

He's the thing about holidays.

Like, you should just never be around him on holidays.

That's the thing.

Like, that was the whole point.

Yeah, what a piece of work.

A piece of, yeah.

So, of course, I ended up breaking up with him on my birthday.

And the end of the story.

It's like a movie.

He ended up dying.

He caught COVID

from the woman that he was cheating with.

Yeah, and he died.

So it's a sad story, but it's a creepy Valentine's Day, right?

Wow.

Yeah.

That, again, ladies and gentlemen, the world's worst Valentine's Day.

Yeah, there we go.

Well, if anybody, it's a challenge.

I mean, maybe we should come up with a gift.

If anybody comes up with the worst Valentine's Day out there, I'll send you you, this person, like a Valentine's Day gift or something.

There you go.

A Valentine's Day gift happened.

Exactly.

Because that's a bad one.

Oh my God.

Yeah, that's pretty bad.

I hate that for you.

I really, really do.

But like you said, I make fun of it because there is no point in being bitter and being sad about it.

I just like, you know, like I said, I believe in karma and I really believe there is somebody out there looking for me, like somebody perfect for me.

And they're going to find me and I'm going to find them.

And there is no point in like thinking about all the cripples that came before right

right exactly that's that's the whole thing about hopefully growing and that every single year because I know if I had this conversation with 22 year old Desiree she'd look at me and be like first of all fuck all the way off I don't believe yo but you know to have that mindset in your 20s and your 30s and your 40s you start getting a little bit older you start putting in perspective you find the things that are important for you yes and you sit there and you say there's way more important things for me to worry about and spend my time on.

So the only way you get to that is by age and experience.

No, you're absolutely right.

And I think also it's age and all, and it's an exercise that it's very tough many times, learning how to love ourselves first.

It sounds cheesy to say that, but I know because I didn't used to do it.

I actually thought I deserved being treated like shit.

And it took me a very long time and mentally repeating it to myself.

You know, wait a minute, I'm not going to be treated like shit ever again.

And I think it's really, really important to get to this point so you actually attract the right person.

Right.

Exactly.

And that's the thing is when you start to change how you feel about it, you start attracting that kind of person.

You start attracting that into your life.

I'm a firm believer of that.

I'm not going to go down this whole road of like law of attraction and manifest

and all this other stuff that I believe in.

I am truly a firm believer of that.

Like, it's all about your energy and what you put out there.

I agree with you 1 million percent.

I do that every freaking day.

I'm maybe the next time we talk, we do our busy happy hour.

Hopefully, I'll have like a nice guy around because I'm excited to find one.

Cigar bar.

Go to a cigar bar.

I'm telling you, I wrote it down the minute I hang up and I publish my podcast.

I am not kidding you.

I'm going to Google Los Angeles cigar bars.

I know Las Vegas has a bunch.

I know Miami has some.

I've never seen one in LA, but I've never looked for one, but I most definitely will.

And I'm going to say, oh, I need to buy some cigars for my friend.

Yeah, yeah.

But my, like I said, my dad's retiring from the military and I want to get him a gift.

And I'm not really sure what to look for.

Do you mind helping me?

That's such a fat girls, ladies.

She just gave a bunch of fantastic ideas.

Go to cigar bars.

You might meet your fabulous fiancé.

Do a movie, horror movie, or any kind of movie you like.

Party with your girlfriends for Valentine's Day or pamper yourself.

That was another fabulous idea.

Pamper yourself.

And by the way, don't wait until Valentine's Day to pamper yourself.

I'm telling you, I do this all the time for me, and it does me a lot of good.

I think it's a fabulous idea.

And by the way, let me see that ring.

I'm looking at her here.

The ring is blinding.

Oh my God, it's gone.

It's blinding.

He did really good.

Is he there?

Can we see him?

He's actually outside in the backyard.

Maybe next time I'll interview you guys.

So he's like, okay, I'll just go back there.

So I think he's actually probably out there smoking a cigar.

He did really good mainly because

I gave him five options and told him what to talk to my mother about and basically he conversed with her.

So there you go.

Awesome.

Good for you.

You're in charge.

Yeah, he did.

He did really good.

Yeah, it's gorgeous.

My God.

Does he make romantic plans for Valentine's Day?

You know what?

I think we are going to go to one of our absolute favorite restaurants

that does phenomenal sushi and they have a really, really great whiskey selection.

And we usually save it for either our birthday or our anniversary so i think we're actually gonna we're gonna dress up we're gonna go there have some sushi have a little whiskey if he's good maybe anal so we'll see

i love you life is good maybe anal that's a whole other episode that we have to talk about a whole other episode right that's that's a that's a tequila episode that's a tequila i know i'm i haven't even started my happy hour yet because it's 4 50.

well it's not even so much the time, but I don't know.

It's not the time.

It's the present state of my mind.

Exactly, the present state of mind.

But that is a funny one that you said that because I did one whole episode about anal sex with a guy who is one of my best friends.

And I want to do one.

Maybe I'll invite you back if you're willing to do it with a woman because it's a topic that women are very intimidated to talk about.

Dude, I know why.

Yeah, and well, exactly.

It's like still such taboo to talk about sex, to talk about anal sex.

And I don't know if you know that in some cultures, it's even more taboo.

Like for most Americans, like my American girlfriends, oh, they can't even talk about it, much less do it.

You know, so maybe we need to.

Girlfriends that have issues talking about masturbation.

Yeah, I know.

When I tell my girlfriends that I have like a gazillion vibrators, they're like, oh my God, really?

I'm like, yeah, really?

Do not look at the drawer that is next to my bed.

Oh, now I want to look at your drawer.

I want to compare drawers.

Girl, we could do it.

We could do it.

So let me ask you.

Let me ask you one

sex question for you guys because I've done that episode as well.

And I've asked a lot of guys that question.

Bringing toys into bed, like a couple, is it a yes

or

it is?

It is a requirement,

sex gets boring and monotonous after a while with the same partner.

Yeah, you need to spice it up.

Yeah, it's not toys, it's something.

Try different things, right?

Try different things.

But you know, some guys, some guys actually say that they, oh, if she brings the vibrators into bed, maybe means i i'm not satisfied

i'm like get over it it has nothing to do with you

no and more importantly that's something that one you've got to get over and two i don't know i've never been with a guy that i've ever put a vibrator under his balls that later on he wasn't like that was the greatest focus thing over

it's still like taboo it's taboo for a lot of men and it's taboo for a lot of girls.

And I get shocked too because I think having healthy, satisfying, wonderful sex is one of the most important things in life, in any relationship, right?

It really is.

You have to have that and you also have to have some form of intimacy.

So do not worry.

The toys aren't going to replace you.

This is just like a nice little added bonus.

There you go.

I love you.

You're amazing.

I can't believe we're out of time.

I hope you come back so we can expand on this.

Next one we're gonna do like all the sex questions we'll talk about all the the sex situations

questions even the ones that you're embarrassed to ask yes

yes send any questions because desiree will answer anything that i might not but i do too

i mean i'm gonna answer it all i'm gonna answer it all i'll let i'll even answer the question about what happens when you have anal and you accidentally on your partner because that happened to me it could happen right i mean it's part of it but it's part of life this is what i tell people.

That's my opinion.

Hopefully you are having sex with someone that you are 100% comfortable with.

I think intimacy is the most important.

That's why I don't like one-night stands personally.

I don't want to have sex with a stranger.

I want to have sex with someone that, yeah, like you said, if you poop.

because you're having anal sex or if you fart, many times you fart, like if you come or whatever, or if something doesn't work,

you're completely comfortable.

Hopefully you guys laugh about it.

Take a fabulous, sexy shower together, you know, clean it out and start all over again.

Exactly.

So, that's my take on it.

You can do that with the right partner.

Yeah, that's the whole point.

Yeah, you bring that into the skater, and it makes it easier.

Exactly, that's the whole secret.

You are amazing.

I'm madly in love with you.

Thank you so much for doing this.

Congratulations.

Oh, my God.

I love you.

Congratulations on the engagement, on the fabulous ring.

And I really hope you come back.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Guys, send us those questions.

I'm dead serious.

I'll have a bottle of tequila.

And for every question that Kat is embarrassed to answer, I will do a shot.

Yeah, well,

unfortunately, unfortunately, maybe for me, I'm never embarrassed.

No, but we can talk about, and I keep saying that.

Women should talk about sex all they want.

Exactly.

You know, it's good.

When guys talk about it, they're like superheroes.

When we talk about it we're horse

but no we're allowed to talk about it too exactly let's just get this over with so i'll invite you back really soon thank you so much you're amazing cheers

have a wonderful weekend guys this was a super fun cat on the loose friday i will see you guys next week i'm approaching the 100th episode if you guys can believe that

So I'm super excited.

I'm lining up a bunch of really fun guests coming up and for sure if Desiree's game should be back as well.

And I wish everybody a wonderful weekend.

Be safe out there because it's freaking COVID is like all over the place.

Be safe for everybody.

I know.

Have a wonderful weekend, Desiree.

I'll see you soon.

Thank you.

You too, Kat.

Bye, guys.

Have a great weekend.

I'll see you soon.