DUMMIES GUIDE TO DATING

Okay, so for sure,

this is the most informative, important episode of Canon DeLoos since we got started.

It's a dummy's guide to dating.

Basically, I've compiled all the super, super important lessons I've learned by doing this podcast for two years.

We are on the fourth season, almost wrapping up up the fourth season,

and talking to experts and interviewing so many people.

So,

this is

the most basic, most simple 101 guide.

If you are like me and absolutely know nothing about the dating world or everything you try to do goes wrong, which is my case.

So, don't feel offended because I'm saying it's a guide for dummies.

I learned all of these things

through trial and error.

I've made all of these mistakes.

I've had all of the bad dating experiences you guys can possibly think of.

If you go back to season one, if you never listened to season one, you're going to listen to one crazy, crazy story after the other.

So, don't be offended.

This is a great guide, but you must follow it like a cake recipe.

You really, really have to follow step by step by step, and you will not get hurt again.

Guaranteed.

So please pay attention, okay?

I hope you guys are ready.

Here we go.

So, dummy mistake number one, and I think we all have been guilty of it

at least at one

point:

stop

lying on your dating profiles.

It's just a really, really bad idea.

Women lie a

lot about their ages

and about what they look like.

They use pictures from 10 years ago, from 15 years ago.

Believe it or not, some girls use pictures of their friends instead of their own.

picture and men also lie about their pictures and they lie a lot about their height.

Guys, own it.

If you're five foot five, five foot six, just tell the truth.

Now, this is what I'm saying.

It's the dummies guide.

It sounds stupid, but so many people make these mistakes.

When someone meets you in person, if you lied on your profile, guess what?

They're going to be insanely disappointed.

They might get pissed at you.

So why in the world would you lie if when you meet someone, you want them to like you for you?

It doesn't matter if you're five pounds overweight, five pounds underweight, if you're super tall, if you're thin, if you're short, it doesn't matter.

People, it's time we own it.

I tell that to everyone and I've interviewed dozens of people.

all of my friends no exception dates that i had everybody complains oh my god so many fake profiles.

So, if you are dating online, pick a nice, normal, decent picture of how you look like right now

or lately,

and really own it.

If you're 49, you're 49.

If you're 62, you're 62.

If you're 23, you're 23.

Age is beautiful at any age.

It doesn't matter.

Plus, like I said, the person that is right for you out there they are going to love you for you so seriously this is really the dummies mistake number one you're starting this attempt at having a date with a lie and it will never

never work

so go to your profiles right now if you're on there online look at your pictures Talk to yourself.

Am I being truthful?

Am I being honest about it?

Girls, what is the freaking point point about shaving 20 years of your life or 10 years or 15 years?

Do you really want to go on a date with some guy?

Let's say you like them and they like you back.

When are you going to tell them the truth?

Own your freaking age and rock it.

Dummies mistake number two, and I am guilty of that one.

I've made that mistake before.

I'm sure most of you out there have made this mistake before.

Let's face it.

Most men, most people on dating apps, most, I'm saying most, are not looking for a serious relationship.

They're looking for quick sex, they're looking for casual sex, they're just looking to pastime, whatever the hell it is.

So don't go into dating apps thinking, oh my god, it's a surefire.

I'm going to find my prince.

Go into dating apps if you want to

with

caution.

A lot of people lie.

Wake the fuck up.

I have fallen victim myself of so many liars on dating apps.

And that's why I decided to give up dating apps.

I decided they're not for me.

If you think they are for you, like I said, just be a little more smarter about it.

Don't think that every dude you're going to talk to out there, men say whatever the hell they want to get whatever the hell they want.

I interviewed one of my best friends, he's the secret cute guy, and he said that guys will say whatever the hell they have to say in order to bang you.

So, if a guy tells you online, Oh my god, you're so hot, you're the woman of my life, I'm dying for a relationship, seriously, get to know the guy first.

Now,

I get you guys send me that question a lot.

So, how do I know?

Is there a sure fireway,

a sure proof, fireway to not get tangled up with horrible men, horrible women, crooks on dating apps?

And the answer is no.

The only way to know is if you take a chance.

There is no other way.

Yeah, you can Google the person, you can look at their LinkedIn, you can look at their social media.

Yeah, there are a lot of things you can do to mitigate the risks.

Do your freaking homework.

If somebody tells you they don't have any social media, okay, yeah, some people don't.

Great.

Maybe they have a website.

Maybe they have at least LinkedIn because they have a job.

If they tell you they have nothing, nothing, nothing, beware.

Having no information whatsoever to give you is a red flag.

So proceed with caution.

Now,

I

decided a while back that there is a

sure proof

way

to know if somebody's telling you the truth before you go on a date with them.

Do a video date before the actual date.

If the person is afraid to see you on video, if they come up with the excuse, oh, my camera is broken, my phone are not, They're lying.

If somebody is really honest and sincere, there is no reason in the world why they would not do a video date before actually wasting your time and meeting you in person.

So again,

go to the dating apps if you may with a real truthful honest profile.

Ask the person some questions.

Do your due diligence.

Isn't it around to make sure they are who they really are?

And if you still have doubts, should I meet this person or not?

Say, hey.

I'm home tonight.

Do you mind if we chat on video for a few minutes?

If they're afraid of showing their face, if they're afraid of showing their home, home, who knows, they might even be married or they might be someone else.

It's as simple as that.

And a lot of people make all of these mistakes and then they go to these dates and get super disappointed.

Oh, I got catfish.

Seriously, you only get catfished if you let it, if it happens, if you want it to happen.

If not, do a freaking video date.

Super easy, right, guys?

Okay, so moving on.

Let's say you met somebody and you guys really hit it off.

He likes you, you like her, vice versa.

If someone likes you, they

will make an effort to call you and text you.

Period.

Please listen to this part for once and for all.

I admit I've been a major.

major victim of this mistake.

Like I started dating a guy, I really like the guy, but I was always the one making the effort to text him, call him, make plans.

And he would always come up with an excuse: oh my god, I'm so sorry, I'm so busy.

But yeah, no, I'm a horrible communicator.

No, yes, please don't stop texting me.

Seriously, if someone likes you, they will go after you.

They are not going to want to lose you for anybody else.

It's a fact.

There is no way around it.

Period.

So please, girlies, and guys too.

I've had friends that say, oh my God, maybe he lost my number.

Oh my God, maybe his phone is broken.

Seriously, if someone's been dating you, they know your name.

They know your social media.

They know where you work.

They know something about you.

So even if this crazy possibility of losing the the phone or breaking the phone is true, they will hunt you down and come after you.

And we deserve a person that wants to come after us.

There is nothing worse than making the effort by yourself on your own.

I've done it.

I admit it.

I'm guilty of it.

And there is nothing worse.

You feel like you're kind of in a situation with someone, but at the same time, you still feel lonely.

At the same time, you still feel sad.

At the same time, you feel insecure.

Oh my God, am I going to go out with him with her on the weekend?

Or am I alone?

Is he with somebody else?

So, this is just not worth it.

I learned from going through this so many times.

If you're alone and single, you're alone and single.

Enjoy it.

If you're dating someone and they really care about you, please believe this.

Dummies like me out there, they will come after you.

They will think about you.

It doesn't matter how busy they are.

It's one of the number one excuses people use in the dating world.

Oh, I'm so busy.

We all are insanely busy.

We work, I don't even know how many hours a day, I work seven days a week, but hey, we all have dinner.

we all have lunch and we certainly go to bed and sleep and if you are dating someone and having sex with that person and the chemistry is great, guess what?

You're going to want to plan another date.

You're going to want to have that delicious sex.

If they are not calling you, please pick up your ego.

I've done it many times.

I know it hurts.

I know it's painful, but pick it up.

Eat your ice cream, drink your wine, do whatever the hell you want, cry with the girlfriend and move forward.

it is the worst most humiliating thing in the world to keep going after someone who doesn't reciprocate reciprocate who doesn't call you back who doesn't make plans with you it's not fair it's exhausting and yes it's stupid we need to put ourselves first we need to love ourselves first there is no way around it i cannot stress it enough and i'm saying it for myself as well.

Please be with someone who makes the same effort, who thinks about you.

Oh my god, I wonder what Kat is doing Friday night.

I really want to have a great weekend with her.

All the holidays are here.

Plan a vacation.

Don't go after someone who could not care less where you are or what you're doing.

They're probably banging somebody else.

Please,

attention,

love, even the flirting needs to be a two-way street.

Otherwise, you are going to continue feeling like you're lonely and single.

Now, the next one is super important.

And I have talked a little bit about it in the past, and now my book is out, and everybody can see my story, what happened to me, and it's a true story.

It's all out there.

But I have to say this:

if someone

abuses you in any kind, abuse doesn't have to be physical, it can be verbal abuse.

If someone calls you a stupid idiot, an ignorant asshole, a dumb fuck,

a fat cow, anything that they call you,

run,

run, run, run, run away.

Verbal abuse and physical abuse.

are not things that happen only once.

I promise you with all my heart, if somebody abuses you, if somebody disrespects you, because being called names, many times we don't think it's abuse, but it is.

Mental abuse can be as painful as physical abuse.

So if somebody's calling you names, disrespecting you when you're fighting or when you do do something stupid, we all do something stupid every now and again.

Believe me when I tell you, they will do it again.

And I have been a victim of this mistake.

I was in an abusive relationship for 14 years.

For 14 years, I believed this is the last time.

This is the last time.

This is the last time.

He's never going to call me names anymore.

He's never going to hurt me.

He loves me.

Guess what?

The man or the woman, because women can be abusive too.

the person that disrespects you, they will disrespect you over and over and over again I know this is a tough one but I tell you today

I would never accept it for one second if I was dating someone and they called me anything like even if oh you're stupid that would be the end of it because I guarantee you girlies out there one

million percent

abuse, whether it's verbal or physical again, only escalates.

The person that thinks they have the right to disrespect you, guess what?

They will disrespect you over and over and over again.

If you are out there listening to me and you are in an abusive relationship of any kind, please get help.

If you're afraid of leaving, if you don't know where to go, there are many, many numbers to call.

You guys can DM me and I will

figure out where to send you.

But if you are strong enough and you think you can leave, get the fuck out.

No woman on the planet, and I'm talking about women because, of course, I'm a woman, but I know no man as well.

But no woman on the planet deserves to be in a relationship where she's demeaned, where she is hurt, where she's called names, and of course, needless to say, where she's touched in any way that is hurtful.

So, of course, and it may sound dummy, yeah.

Everybody says, Well, why would I put up with it?

But there are millions of people out there who are victims of abuse and stay silent for so many years for many different reasons.

So, it's super important

to point out: please, if it hurts you in any way, it's not gonna stop.

Get the fuck out.

Love should never, ever, ever hurt you or be disrespectful

Now, this is a super important one because a lot of guys complain about that.

Have a life.

What does that mean?

Many women are in a relationship, they have a boyfriend or husband, whatever, and that man is the center of their life.

That's a horrible.

horrible idea and guys hate that i was just talking to a friend of mine the other day and he said he was dating this this wonderful girl.

She was gorgeous, she was beautiful, da-da-da.

She had nothing going on.

So the entire day, while he's busy making money, growing his business,

she's texting, calling, wondering what he's doing, da-da-da-da.

It's a horrible idea.

Don't make your partner your life.

Your partner should be a part of your life.

But before you even have a partner, make sure you have a lot of things that you love

going on, whether it's a job, hobbies, friends, projects, all of these things together.

Make sure your life is rich enough to keep you busy, to keep you fulfilled, to keep you happy.

That will make you a very interesting partner to your partner.

Very few men and very few women out there want someone who has nothing going on.

And I say guys because, especially, guys, they complain a lot that a lot of girls in the dating world are just looking for a sugar daddy or a guy to pay her bills.

That's what you want?

Good for you.

Although it's a horrible idea, because what are you going to do with yourself when you age?

You should have something going on.

But

even if that's what you want, you still should have something interesting going on.

Learn a language, go back to school, do charity, whatever the hell it is.

Don't make the other person the only thing you have going on.

That's a sure, 100 million percent,

sure, sure, sure way of having the relationship fail.

Get your shit together first,

don't be afraid of being alone.

I was married for 14 years

and then

my husband died.

And then I went back to the dating world and I dated a bunch of jerks.

But what happened was that in this process, the past three years, I learned to love my life.

I learned to love my projects, my work, my friends, my doggies.

Phoenix is doing the podcast here with me napping on the couch.

I realized that life can be so amazing without a partner.

Now,

do I want a partner?

Of course.

I love being in a relationship.

I want to find the right person for me.

But it's a big difference between wanting a partner and needing a partner.

It's a huge difference.

So, girlies out there, I say that to guys as well, but this is a problem primarily on women.

Get a fun,

interesting, exciting life, and you are much, much more likely to attract the right guy for you.

You don't want to be a useless freaking Barbie in a box.

Do something productive with your time.

And

the chances that the right guy will admire you are much, much, much, much greater.

Okay, now I have to include this one on the dummies guide, and it's one that pains me to say, but we have to talk about it.

Dating married people or people that are in relation to serious relationships.

Please don't freaking do it under any circumstances.

This one is such a horrible idea on so many levels.

And I have many stories about it.

I have a sister in Florida,

she was supposedly happily married.

I guess she was having the 10-year itch.

They have one adorable kid, and she met some dude at the gym, and the dude was married.

Okay, so they decided they're gonna go off and have an affair.

So, they start having an affair, and he tells my sister,

I'm going to leave my wife, and you leave your husband, and blah, blah, blah.

She gets all tangled up with the guy.

She actually decides to leave her husband.

What happened?

The married guy chickened out, went back to his wife,

and now my sister is a single mother, struggling, and lost a wonderful husband and a wonderful marriage.

That's one of a million stories that I can tell you.

And

you may be listening and say, Oh, but who the fuck does that?

So

many freaking people.

It is sad.

I get get messages almost every day: someone telling me, Oh my god, I met this guy at work, I met this guy at the gym, I met this guy, he's married, but he tells he's gonna leave the wife.

Please don't get this energy, don't get this karma for you.

If somebody's in a marriage, if somebody's in a relationship with someone else, it doesn't even matter if they're telling they're gonna leave this person or not, if they're going through a bad phase.

He's a liar, he's a freaking cheater, and that's gonna make you a liar and a cheater as well.

And I promise you, write this down.

Nothing,

nothing that starts with lies and cheating and hurting someone else will turn out well.

Run.

If somebody is tangled up with someone else, I promise you, that's one of the biggest mistakes you are ever going to make in your life.

Don't go there.

I have been asked before, have you ever gone out with a married man?

And the answer is yes, once.

And it really, really, really upset me because I didn't know he was married.

We met at work.

I'm not going to give too much details because I don't even want anybody to find out who he is, but it was at a job that I was doing in Miami.

And he was very flirtatious, very sweet.

he found me on my social media he was tagging me sending me messages and I admit I was insanely naive because like I said I've been learning how to navigate the dating world with you guys and by doing the podcast and learning how to live my life all over again

So I fell for it and he was being flirty, flirty, flirty.

And finally one day and he was talking about business because oh my god, I need you to do my Instagram for me.

Oh, you're so good with social media.

So he was always talking about work.

So, in my mind, I actually felt for it.

Wow, this guy is so nice, and it's a new client that I really need and want.

So, the day he invited me to dinner, I was super excited because I was thinking I'm going to close a new client.

And

towards the very end of the dinner, after we had like a bottle and a half of wine, and I don't even know what the hell we're saying anymore, and we were kissing, blah, blah, blah, making out, it ended up being personal then i find out that he had a wife

so at some point in the middle of that mess i kind of come to and i'm like oh my god i'm drunk i'm faced that was like two o'clock in the morning and if i felt really disgusting i've i never told that story before but since this is the dumbest guide about dating, I felt the dumbest person in the world because I fell for that.

And I just put my clothes on, and it was like 2:30, 3 o'clock in the morning.

I said, I'm going to get the hell out of here.

And I actually drove home drunk.

It's a miracle.

I didn't get arrested.

It's something I never, ever do.

I'm not proud of it.

But why am I sharing this with you guys?

Because

if anybody tells you that they are married,

as they try to seduce you, believe me, they are the bad, bad, bad wolf.

Run away from it.

There are plenty single people in the world that you don't need to get tangled up with someone else's husband.

You don't need to hurt someone else's marriage.

And this guy is just a disgusting pig.

Honestly, as a woman, I think every woman deserves to be respected.

And I know a lot of guys cheat, a lot of women cheat.

My problem with cheaters is at the end of the day, you're just a freaking coward and a liar because real men look you in the eyes and tell you the truth.

They say, Look, I made a mistake.

I cheated.

I don't want to lose you.

Let's go through this.

Or you don't cheat in the first place.

So I felt disgusting.

I felt horrible.

And I, like I said, I learned the tough way, do your due diligence before.

I should have done a little more research.

I should have zooped on his social media.

I should have Googled him.

I didn't do any of these things and I totally fell for it.

And it was one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

So I'm telling you guys out there, all of you that send me messages, it is not worth for one second getting tangled up with some a-ho or some woman for that matter who is in a relationship with someone else or who is married.

It's not worth the trouble.

I believe in karma big time.

I don't know if you guys do.

I don't want this karma for my life.

I don't want this energy for my life.

Just don't do it.

So, dummy 101, don't do it.

Go after somebody that you can certify that that person is single and available

okay now

please listen to this one because it's super important and it's a very good

if you

experience

any one of these following symptoms while dating someone

anxiety all the time like not knowing is he gonna call is he not going to call?

What is he doing?

Where is he?

Is he going to make plans with me?

Sadness.

Meaning, well, that person will make you happy.

I don't see him enough.

He doesn't see me enough.

Or

we don't have sex enough.

Anything with that person that makes you sad.

Anger.

Worry.

Like, Where is he?

Why didn't he call me?

Oh my God.

What is he doing?

Is this a situationship?

Is this a relationship?

Am I the girlfriend?

Am I not?

Is he going out to somebody else?

Is he cheating on me?

No, no, no.

Stress caused by all of these things that I just said.

Doubts.

All of these doubts.

Where do I stand in this person's life?

Does he like me?

Does she like me?

Does he not like me?

Is there someone else?

So if you're experiencing any of these things,

this is not a relationship.

This is not even a situationship.

This is called

one more

problem

in your life.

And we don't want one more problem in our lives.

We want someone to complement our lives.

We want someone to be happy with, to make plans with, to have a fun life with.

So believe me, if this person is giving you all of the symptoms, anxiety, worry, stress, sadness, anger, get rid of it.

It's not worth your peace of mind.

Today, I know for a fact the right person, the right relationship is supposed to leave you feeling light and happy and wonderful and smiling and singing and fulfilled.

If you're not, wait.

Don't rush it.

Wait for the right person to make you feel all of these things.

All these symptoms are 1 million percent not worth it.

Life is just too freaking short to spend day after day after day wondering where the hell do I stand with this person?

Wait for the right one.

Last but not least, and this is super important.

And yes, dummy to say it, but we have to say it.

You need to love yourself

first and foremost.

Most of the time, when we end up in a bad relationship or we accept a bad relationship, we accept disrespect, we accept abuse, we accept being cheated on, we accept not being fulfilled.

It's because we are not loving ourselves.

It took me all of these years.

It took me 49 freaking years.

It took me a podcast.

It took me a gazillion horrible dates to get to this point.

Duh.

Yes.

Look at yourself in the mirror and say, you know what?

I'm fucking fabulous.

I love myself.

I love my life.

I am beautiful.

I'm intelligent.

I am great.

I'm a good company.

Figure out all of the things that make you a super, super special human being and repeat it a million times if you have to.

But first and foremost, you need to love yourself.

Put yourself first,

and the right person will look at you and say, you know what, I love this girl, I love this guy just the way they are physically, mentally.

I accept their job, I accept their lifestyle.

They're not going to judge you, they're going to be proud of you.

But in order for this to happen, and I realize many times, and starting with me, we get tangled up with bad person after bad person after bad person because we forget that we deserve better.

I was in that situation that I was dating a hole after a hole after a hole, and I was thinking, I guess I deserve to be treated like that.

I guess I deserve this guy talking to me like that.

No,

we deserve to be treated with respect,

kindness,

attention,

love

by anyone who is going to be in our lives.

So please, my message to you guys is love

yourself.

If you don't love yourself, nobody will do that for you.

If you love yourself, if you listen to all of these steps, stop accepting any less than what you deserve, I'm 100%

sure the right person will find you, the right person will love you.

I am manifesting this to the universe.

I know the right person for me will come along when the time is right.

And he will not judge my work.

He will not judge the podcast.

He will not judge anything I do.

And I wish the same for all of you guys out there.

Love yourself first.

Life is just too short to be in a crappy, crappy relationship.

So, this was the dummy's guide to dating.

I hope you guys enjoy it.

If you have any questions, please shoot.

It's always a huge pleasure listening from you.

My book, Yellow Roses in June, is out.

I am super excited.

It's on Amazon, Kindle, paperback, and hardcover.

It's a great Christmas gift.

So, if you guys want to go there and check it out, Yellow Roses in June by Catherine Paris Amoto on Amazon.

Like always, thank you so much for supporting this podcast.

I am so excited.

We are growing, growing, growing, growing.

We're getting thousands and thousands of downloads, and I will see you guys here soon.

I'm gonna do a few more before we end the year.

So, anything you want to talk about the world of sex, dating, relationships, please shoot, follow me on Kat Zamudo on Instagram, RealCat on the Lose for daily updates.

Please love yourselves, love yourselves, love yourselves.

Bye, and love your doggies too.