Side Stories: Christmas Crimes

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Speaker 1 There's no place to escape to.

Speaker 2 This is the last podcast on the left.

Speaker 2 Side stories?

Speaker 1 Let's build glaze. That's when the cannibalism started.

Speaker 2 Side stories. Yes.

Speaker 2 Eddie,

Speaker 2 welcome to 2025. You look good.
I feel bad. Yeah, you've been sick.
I've been sick. I got the bird flu or the new China flu.
I got something.

Speaker 2 You got something inside of you, but whatever it is, honestly, I like that it's made you humble. Thank you.
Yeah, no, I was humble when I was holding my belly in my room, just going, oh my God,

Speaker 2 don't you leave stay away. Stay away from me.
Just like the Virgin Mary

Speaker 2 on the Christmas Eve's Eve. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, it is interesting how pathetic you can get when you're very sick. Well, what's sad is how debased a man allows himself to get.
Yeah. Is that we, I know I'm,

Speaker 2 other men, because I am one of the bravest, strongest survivors that's ever lived through a cold or having hurt my toe or having hurt my thumb.

Speaker 2 And the one thing that Natalie will tell you is that I suffer in silence like a World War II veteran. No one knows that I'm in discomfort.
And I never show a sign of weakness.

Speaker 2 Never.

Speaker 2 Not once.

Speaker 2 Never been weak. No, no, no, no.
I make sure when I'm sick, I'm volunteering at the firehouse. Oh, absolutely.
That's what I do. I'm brave.
That's different. I'm down at the mission.

Speaker 2 I'm built different. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I'm built different. I am

Speaker 2 one of the most incredible husbands has ever been. But honestly, Eddie, I'm glad you're okay.
Yeah, I finally got the confidence to fart again, which is nice.

Speaker 2 What, you're afraid you were going to spray? I did. I had a couple.
I shit myself twice. Welcome to Side Stories.
And that's how you start 2025 the proper way. I'm your host, Henry Zabrowski.

Speaker 2 I'm sitting here with your other host, Ed Larson. Oh, my bully.
And he's just been sick. The one thing I will say.
When he gets sick again this weekend in Atlanta. Be good.
I hope you do.

Speaker 2 We are coming, Atlanta to the Coca-Cola Roxy. Podcast on the left, Coca-Cola Roxy on Saturday night.

Speaker 2 7 p.m. Come get stinky.
And then we're at Dad's Garage on Sunday, but sold out. Can't see it.
Sold out. So you got to come to the last podcast.

Speaker 2 But I will say, if you're coming to the Dad's Garage show, bring suggestions. Yes, because we're going to try a little

Speaker 2 bit of a sound.

Speaker 2 But I will say it's nice to be back in the studio. It's the year 2025.
The jingle bells are receding. The Jews have thrown their menorahs in the rivers.

Speaker 2 And the Muslims have gone back to doing whatever they do during the December year. Ramadomed if you do, Ramadomed if you don't.
Last I heard.

Speaker 2 But now it's time to get in some updates because we're here. The news has not stopped.
You lost a friend.

Speaker 2 Can we give him a more... Can we have any

Speaker 2 taps? Do you have Sarah McLaughlin's in the arms of the angel?

Speaker 2 Now,

Speaker 2 I like to follow on Instagram, obviously, as many do. I like to follow.
I don't like smart dogs. I don't like skilled dogs.
I like an old, shivering

Speaker 2 dog. That is my favorite follow on Instagram.
I like ones that are, they have little legs, malformed faces. I like when they have names like Pips or Mr.
Crunkles.

Speaker 2 That's like some of my favorite stuff.

Speaker 2 But what no one tells you, I think one of the worst phenomena that no one explains about social media is when a pack, literally several of the little tiny dogs that you follow,

Speaker 2 die. Yeah.
And then I was so I was watching throughout all of obviously the Christmas season. I'm filled with anger as normal.

Speaker 2 And I'm going through and I'm looking at my favorite little guy, Lil Hobbs. Oh, Lil Hobbs.
Love Lil Hobbs. Love Lil Hobbs.
I was looking through all these, you know, his Christmas content.

Speaker 2 Again, they're crushing it, rolling it out three times a week. I can depend upon it looking at it, right? All of a sudden, which I think is hilarious, January 2nd arrives.
Yeah. Here comes the post.

Speaker 2 We regret to inform you and the entire Lil Hobbs family that Lil Hobbs died before Christmas.

Speaker 2 So my thing is, is that, so I've been watching Lil Hobbs dance and bark and yip, and he's been a fucking corpse for three weeks, and I'm watching this. I'm watching this ghost.

Speaker 2 It's like watching photos of just, because you know how much. So are you mad about this? I don't know.
I think it's good. I mean, you needed Lil Hobbs.

Speaker 2 I did, but Lil Hobbs is a stressful time for you. Lil Hobbs is fucking dead.
Yeah, Lil Hobbs, but Lil Hobbs was dead, and Lil Hobbs still made you feel delight. Yeah, but that was, but now the

Speaker 2 true despair that the moment made me feel sort of obliterated all of the happiness he provided. It's kind of like how

Speaker 2 January 2nd. You're supposed to feel nothing on January 2nd.
You're correct. And it was a thankful reminder to remember that 2025 is going to be mean and hard and long.

Speaker 2 Little Hobbs's owners, masters, they

Speaker 2 did a good service. And plus, they had the content made that's so sad.
They were like Hobbs is dying. Put the Christmas sweater on.
I told you, come on. No, it's November 8th.
Get the little hat.

Speaker 2 Get the little hat. Yeah,

Speaker 2 we're gonna have to go into storage. We're gonna have to get the Christmas shit out soon.
Yes, because there are now two tumors in his intestines. And we need to get this shit.

Speaker 2 We have ads sold through.

Speaker 2 Fucking November 30th. Oh, man.
We have ads sold, honey. Yeah, we got to keep the coming.

Speaker 2 I respect the fucking commitment. No, I do too.
I'm just saying. When should we tell everybody? You know,

Speaker 2 that was the talk they had after they put Hobbs down. The first thing is they're just sitting there talking about, probably talking about merch rollouts while they're watching Lil Hobbs going,

Speaker 2 and they're just sitting there just being like, you know, we really are going to have to, you know, we're going to have to knuckle down and get some.

Speaker 2 I know that we all wanted to get that new Lil Hobbs chest set going. And we're having some problems with some Chinese manufacturers, but I think we're going to have to get that on the dump.

Speaker 2 I wonder if, like, the vet, like, takes pride that they put down a famous dog.

Speaker 2 Oh, they should have the

Speaker 2 wall. We put down Lil Hobs.

Speaker 2 Our whole thing is. Final fantasy place.

Speaker 2 Little

Speaker 2 Hobs. Oh, only in Los Angeles.
Man, knows an old dog I love? Norbert. He's not long for this world.
Norbert's. After watching Lil Hobbs go down, because I also follow Norbert.
And I love Norbert.

Speaker 2 And I love Miss Sunday, the Black Lab. Do you know her? No, but the Black Labs are even harder because Norbert will live to a shivering 22 years old.
I mean he is a big dog.

Speaker 2 Norbert's a four-pound dog. Oh, and no, we're talking about different Norberts.
That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 Mine's a pit bull, Norbert.

Speaker 2 But the. Oh, this is not the Norbert? You follow? This is not my Norbert.
Wait a second, Eddie. This is the first time.

Speaker 2 We have to talk about this. How is Norbert not suing your Norbert? They look, he typed in Norbert the dog, and the first one that popped up is my Norbert.
Really?

Speaker 2 Man, maybe we'll, I think it's targeted at me. And I started like, it's just some old lady that puts a hat on their pit bull and she drives it around.

Speaker 2 And she's like, hey, Norberg, want some ice cream? Maybe she has a cell phone. What's some ice cream, Norberg?

Speaker 2 But Norbert's just sitting there, like, not even paying attention or knowing what's happening. The problem with the bigger dog influencers.
Oh, that's my Norbert. Extremely cute.

Speaker 2 But the bigger dog influencers, they do die faster. Oh, absolutely.
And that is the worst. And Sunday, the Black Clap, she's retired now.
They said that

Speaker 2 she's not dead,

Speaker 2 but she's hot. Not dead.
Quote unquote. So they had to say

Speaker 2 she's not dead. No, no, no.
Well, they said she's retiring from social media. And I bought a calendar for Julie for Christmas and for my dog, Nanny Max.

Speaker 2 This is what little hobbs learn. This is what you learn.
The dog never dies. The dog retires.
Miss Sunday's hot. I always show Rambo videos of Miss Sunday.
I'm like, look at this bitch.

Speaker 2 Oh, you're talking about the dog. I'm talking about, yeah.
Okay, you're talking about the older African-American lady that owns it.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, the dog is a bitch.

Speaker 2 Yes,

Speaker 2 and there's the calendars. I bought one.
We have one up at my house. It's not too late to get your Miss Sunday calendars.
Go out there to Miss Sunday, the Black Lab. But she dresses.

Speaker 2 Sometimes she dresses like a bus driver. I can't believe it.
And then other times she dresses like she works at the DMV. That's very cute.
That's very, I love Miss Sunday. Well, I'm glad.

Speaker 2 She loves her baths. Okay, well, now we're just talking about dogs.
And that thing is very sweet. It's very sweet.
You're taking it, bringing in the new year, talking about these old ass dogs.

Speaker 2 My dogs are still alive your dogs are still alive all aunts oh yeah no and carme's still alive even though she went into underneath the tree she found my mom in all of her generosity my mom does this thing she's still feeding gracie may from the grave she becomes she does a little and i don't mean i mean this with all love she's becoming slightly like an aunt bethany from national amp booms christmas vacation where she is just wrapping stuff.

Speaker 2 And so we did not know she had wrapped a bar of dark chocolate underneath the tree.

Speaker 2 And carmy who's a little brittany murphy yeah she is becoming in love she loves anything that can kill her and so she goes

Speaker 2 yes

Speaker 2 getting that lace baby oil

Speaker 2 um and so she goes and she found the the bar of chocolate she waited She literally had probably located it before. Natalie stepped out.
I mean this.

Speaker 2 She went under the tree while Natalie was gone for 10 minutes, ate the bar of chocolate, then thousands of dollars later, just got to be confused

Speaker 2 in a fucking urgent care. You have no idea, but she lived when you wrap candy.
It goes in the tree or in the stocking. Don't wrap candy.
Don't wrap candy. Just give candy.
Just give candy.

Speaker 2 Just give candy.

Speaker 2 But don't put it under the tree. The dogs will get it.
So speaking of dogs, they're sick. Ed's sick.
I'm not. I'm invulnerable.
I actually think that Trot, honestly, I'm the best I've ever been.

Speaker 2 I feel that I'm only getting stronger, funnier, more handsome. Fatter.

Speaker 2 Balder. Bulking.
I'm bulking. I'm bigger, muscly.

Speaker 2 I did, I benched,

Speaker 2 I doubled dumbbell benched 45 pounds the other day with two hands the other day. 45 pounds.
And each hands. Each handed.
For me. Really? I was big for you.
Can you curl 45? I can curl 35. Whoa.

Speaker 2 Strongly. That's very, I don't think I could do that.
No, I'll kill any other podcaster that tries to fuck with me. I don't think that's true at all.
Oh, no, I'll come get them.

Speaker 2 There's so many podcasters that just eat liver. You know, it's just fun to do.
I like to challenge them with fights. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because

Speaker 2 they never get any attention. Now, let's talk about

Speaker 2 some couple of great, great updates for this

Speaker 2 year, immediately. Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Now, our guy, one of our favorite guys here, father of the year, Joseph Fritzel.
Now, he's been in jail. He's 89 years, fine.

Speaker 2 And he's still in Austria's. Now it's been the psychiatric detention in this

Speaker 2 high-security unit, essentially in a home for the criminally insane. But they've been floating that he might get paroled.
How long has he been locked up? He has been locked up since

Speaker 2 what was that day? 2009. 2009.
And so he, uh, so now, but he's saying straight up, first of all, he doesn't understand the big hubbub. He doesn't know why everybody's still so upset with him.

Speaker 2 Because according to him, I was actually a good father. Moreover, he claimed, I specifically saved money to help with children's education.

Speaker 2 I visited the children often and helped them whenever they were given charles to do.

Speaker 2 I helped them and encouraged them to play musical instruments and so forth. I know with one of my daughters, I made a mistake, and I regret that.

Speaker 2 But apart from that, I believe that I was actually a good father. There's a direct quote from Joseph Ritzel.
For those of you that don't know, he made a family with his daughter.

Speaker 2 He created a sex dungeon that she was put inside of, and then he made a secret family in there. It didn't go well for him.
Now he's in jail.

Speaker 2 But they're saying that he might get parole, and he has insisted he needs a house with a basement.

Speaker 2 And it is what he says.

Speaker 2 Is that true? It is the first thing he said. That he says that, number one, he says he no longer feels comfortable driving.
It's the traffic, and everybody's on their phones.

Speaker 2 He's not happy with driving, and he says that he needs the he must have a residence near a train equipped with a basement. And that's what he says.

Speaker 2 His attorney, Astrid Wagner, told local media: every day he dreams of having his own house or apartment see but it must have a bell it must have a basement because he says he has so many files oh he needs to keep all

Speaker 2 yeah well you can't keep those above ground yeah but you know tell me about this because i just watched that i've seen clips from that movie baby girl oh yeah did you sex movies i know the the nicole kidman movie her disclosure but the whole thing i see now is because that that big that song It's like a famous song from and it gets the big sexy moments of him coming down to the basement to hear,

Speaker 2 I will be your fazzle figure. You know, like he was hearing that, I could see him coming in all sexy.
I can be your fazzle figure. What if they put him in the basement of the prison?

Speaker 2 Wouldn't that work? He doesn't want to be in the basement.

Speaker 2 He was a have a basement in there. Oh, it was to have a basement.
Yeah, he doesn't want to be in there. Other people in the basement.
Daughters go in basements. That's right.

Speaker 2 Fathers are in the living room. He should be in prison at least as long as he kept his daughter in prison.
He's going to die. At the bare minimum.
It's too. He's going to die in there.

Speaker 2 There's no way he's gonna, they're all basically

Speaker 2 not really.

Speaker 2 They're saying that essentially he's gonna be moved to a lower security prison, but they think that the idea of total freedom is not gonna happen. How long did they give him

Speaker 2 when he got sentenced? I forgot what the sentence was. They tried, you remember it was, oh,

Speaker 2 it was kind of like Anders Brambick. I believe it was like one of those, they like put him in jail and they're like, we'll figure this out later.
Oh,

Speaker 2 because it's one of these countries where they don't know. Like, it's just a very liberal country.
Yeah. Oh, life imprisonment with the possibility of parole after 15 years.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so now it's 15 years.

Speaker 2 So he's allowed. He's allowed.
And so, yeah, so Yosef will ask. Hey, hey, come on.

Speaker 2 I was hearing about these pelotons.

Speaker 2 I would like to use. I heard they do a D2 where it turns the screen and it takes you anywhere.
And I would like to ride my bike along my daughter's naked body. Well, that's different, Yosef.

Speaker 2 You can't do it. Bye from North Way.

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Speaker 2 Second update. Big, yeah, what's going on with these things, man? Well, drones, I'm not even gonna, I'm not even gonna start talking about the drones.
Why? Oh, because you're gonna be just like them.

Speaker 2 No. You're keeping it a secret.
You're not telling anyone about nothing. No, it's just that it seems like

Speaker 2 the wave has passed. Honestly, I think it's a pre-diabetes.

Speaker 2 I think I'm going to be diagnosed with pre-diabetes. That's what I'm hiding.
But what I am not hiding is the fact that the story has now, as we knew it would eventually go, it has drifted past.

Speaker 2 We are now past it. We're now new.
Now we're just in Trump nonsense zone, which we're going to be for the next four years. And it's going to be a lot like that.

Speaker 2 So one thing that the official statement is right. Yes, so far.
The official statement, the last that we heard from the U.S. government was they said,

Speaker 2 we as self-self decidings to date include a combination of lawful commercial drones, hobbyist drones, and law enforcement drones, as well as manned fixed-wing aircraft, helicopters, and stars, mistakenly reported as drones.

Speaker 2 Definitely, because we're fucking stupid.

Speaker 2 And then Jacob Weinling, another guy who's reporting work, he believes that the drones are a part of this, the $1.5 trillion drone air taxi program rollout, which I get.

Speaker 2 I don't think the way to start the air taxis is to make everybody afraid of them and not know what they are. I think that mostly, if you want a

Speaker 2 check out the air taxi. It's totally safe.

Speaker 2 Like this is like the thing you do, like at the World's Fair. What if you're doing it? You know, you bring it out.
Yeah. Jules Verne's hologram to introduce it.
I don't think we need to fool us.

Speaker 2 I think that we just would either take the air taxis or not. I know that in LA, we're supposed to be taking air taxis to the Olympics maybe in 2028.
That's right. We're going to see.

Speaker 2 Yeah, three years from now, we're going to be taking air taxis. All I know is what am I going to do?

Speaker 2 Am I going to take some air taxi and it's going to be some guy named like Tree Jor Jor and he's going to be like I'm actually also a DJ and he's going to hand me his fucking headshots.

Speaker 2 Is it going to be the same? It's going to be the same.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's never, it's not someone's first job.

Speaker 2 I can't basically. What else? What do you really do?

Speaker 2 This is like, actually, I'm making slime for children. If it's my favorite, I make slime.
It's here. Did you want some slime? I have a bucket.
Now, they also say,

Speaker 2 so nothing's really come out.

Speaker 2 I do have a letter again. But what about the orbs? What do they say about the orbs? Absolutely nothing, Eddie.
Those are, again, stars. You're an idiot.
You're so.

Speaker 2 So many times, I will say that there was a couple of times when I was like, you know, I'd get drunk and you're like, oh, yeah, that's right, drones.

Speaker 2 And I'd go outside and I start staring at the sky and shit. And I got my star finder out, you know, and I'm like, is that a drone? No, it's star.
Ursa major, you know, like sitting there.

Speaker 2 And then like, I'm like, oh, that one's two stars. That's got to be a drone.
I was like, oh, no, I'm drunk. I forgot.
That's not two stars. I just can't see right now.
Eddie, you know what, though?

Speaker 2 These are the beginnings of a true investigator. That's where it all begins.
You never remember to check when you're sober. Why would you?

Speaker 2 Because when you're sober, you're doing something like, where the fuck are these drones? I got to do something about the sky.

Speaker 2 There's something out there I got to do something about. And my wife doesn't want me to do something about it.
Yeah, it's never when Julie's home that I'm looking for drones.

Speaker 2 It's always like when she's gone too long. Yeah, of course.
Hold on a second.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because what are you doing with your, you're sitting at home with your beautiful wife watching television with your dog just

Speaker 2 searching for the drone? Yeah, yeah, my life is good in that moment. When my life is empty, I'm like, all right, let's go find the aliens.
Truth and love go like this inside of the male mind.

Speaker 2 Truth and love go back and forth. Truth will eventually destroy love.
But for a while, love does help tamper down the effects of truth.

Speaker 2 But according to this licensed drone operator, if you didn't have Natalie, you'd be off the road. You'd be done.

Speaker 2 You'd be

Speaker 2 trying to go to space.

Speaker 2 I mean, honestly,

Speaker 2 I don't want to even think about what it'd be like if I was truly untethered and just how much damage I could cause.

Speaker 2 And how much fun that would be for me.

Speaker 2 And how good it would be for America.

Speaker 2 I'm going to think about that. Think about that.

Speaker 2 She doesn't listen, right? The key really is to go through a divorce, which is what we'll talk about. A couple of big divorce energy guys in today's episode that we're going to talk about.

Speaker 2 That's when I can really start focusing on my plants. But according to this licensed drone operator,

Speaker 2 I'm a licensed drone operator in eastern South Dakota with two separate drone sightings. I regularly operate a DJI Agras T-50.
That means nothing to me. It's a thing.

Speaker 2 It's a drone.

Speaker 2 Which is one of the largest commercial drones available to the public. After looking at a ton of New Jersey drone footage, I can say that there's no way that they are legally flying commercial drones.

Speaker 2 If they are drones, then they are significantly more advanced than anything we've seen. Battery life on large drones is extremely limited.

Speaker 2 And even if the drone is just hovering with minimal wind, you got maybe 15 to 20 minutes before it automatically tries to land due to low battery.

Speaker 2 Add windy conditions and you're looking at 10 minutes of flight time.

Speaker 2 Additionally, in my experience, the battery used in these drones are very sensitive to temperature and you see a significant drop in battery efficiency in colder weather. That's fascinating.

Speaker 2 That I did not know. Look at this thing.
Yeah, that's a big old... That's a big old drone this guy flies.
I also don't see how these flights can be legal.

Speaker 2 The FAA is very strict rules about operating large drones over populated areas.

Speaker 2 Drones are also legally required to transmit a radio frequency ID at all times, while airborne air traffic control and pilots of manned aircraft can be aware of them.

Speaker 2 The New Jersey drones apparently do not transmit an RFID, and their operators are not communicating with air traffic control or pilots of local aircraft. Now, this guy said he had two sightings.

Speaker 2 First sighting was over the Volga, South Dakota, on December 11th, 2020. Volva, South Dakota, Volga.
Oh, Volga. Volga.

Speaker 2 Which is a woman named Gernkas Volvas. What you call it? Her Volgas.

Speaker 2 Now, I saw what looked like an airplane with red and green running lights and a bright white light that looked kind of like a spotlight.

Speaker 2 I thought it was a plane flying low over town for some reason until I noticed the object was hovering in place.

Speaker 2 I also saw it turn off its white spotlight and it had no flashing anti-collision lights, which were required on all aircraft. The object turned and hauled us out of town before I could get a video.

Speaker 2 Second sighting on December 15, 2024, at about 8:10 p.m., three of us saw four to six yellow-orange lights flying in a circular pattern in the sky west of Arlington, South Dakota.

Speaker 2 They would come in and out of view almost like fireflies in the dark, but definitely flying in a circular pattern.

Speaker 2 Their movement was almost floaty and they turned too tightly and flew too closely to be standard aircraft.

Speaker 2 They also didn't have anti-collision lights, which are standard and required on all manned and unmanned aircraft. We watched for about 10 minutes until we got cold and then we went inside.
Okay.

Speaker 2 That's hope. That's one of those.
I'm going to leave it for now.

Speaker 2 We'll see what happens. This is going to develop.
Drones, I mean, like, all right, so what about like the big drones, like Obama's drones, the flying murder robots? His children? His babies?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, those drones exist.
You know, those things could fly across

Speaker 2 oceans, right? Like, no, I don't. No, no.
They get deployed. They get deployed, but they're not.
They're up in the air. Those are military grade.
Those are military grade and it's different.

Speaker 2 Because they're also, they are unmanned. It's just different.
But weren't we worried that some of these were military drones?

Speaker 2 Well, they weren't killing us, they weren't bombing us, so we don't know what they were doing. Yeah, and a lot of our we also made things that I believe we make drones, they look like this.

Speaker 2 You see these things, they look like planes, yeah. No, that's what I'm that's what I'm talking about.
Yes, what these that this is very different, these fly very, very, very high up.

Speaker 2 And what they do is they identify where to go, and then there's the strafing drones that come in and shoot the missiles.

Speaker 2 See, but the thing is, if you wanted the drones to be secret, why would you put lights on them? It's a whole thing, Radio. Why would you have lights?

Speaker 2 Well, because they got it because the other drones got to see you fly around.

Speaker 2 It's going to be a mystery that we are not going to solve. They're not going to let us solve.
They're not going to, is this going to be the Phoenix lights all over again? Yes.

Speaker 2 And then it's never going to explain it. And we're just going to talk about it every once in a while.
Well, it has been explained, Eddie, as we saw on my stream, on our stream, and all this.

Speaker 2 Nothing's happening. Nothing's going on.
We're stupid. Everything that people see is stars or planes.
And you got big, fat, dumb, drunk eyeballs. And you have little feet and a dumb.
I have big feet.

Speaker 2 Thank you very much. I'm size 13 shoe.
If anybody wanted to buy me shoes, send him shoes. Send him shoes.
I'm walking around like Fred Flintstone. Yes, he is.
He really is. It's very strange.

Speaker 2 And you can hear

Speaker 2 his soul scrape on the tile.

Speaker 2 So that's one update. We'll just leave it.
Let's leave it behind for now. And then this next update is.

Speaker 2 This is one more shade to this mystery that does not make sense. We live for stories about shit in the road.
It's not just, because you know, it's stuff attached to shit in the road.

Speaker 2 And also kind of funny, I think, in a way, how in small town America, the road is almost a way to communicate. It's the only way you can.

Speaker 2 And you're talking about it seems to be between the fucking piles of stuff and all the kind of stuff. It just seems to be people choose roads.

Speaker 2 Yeah, maybe this guy in Kansas just needed to make friends. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, it sounded like he wanted, he did want to make some friends, but we don't know what he wanted to do with those friends.

Speaker 2 Now, this is an update to our story out of Bennington, Nebraska, where they say at least, according to the last report, four accidents occurred,

Speaker 2 I believe it's along Highway Route 36 at night, where an object is left in the middle of the road. One person said they said a flat screen TV.
There was a bike.

Speaker 2 That's a hard thing to see in the middle of the night in a road. It's almost like he purposely did it.
So

Speaker 2 he crashed into it. But if you, he wants them to swerve, right? Don't know.
So

Speaker 2 what happens is, is that this happened now several times in this small little town where the car

Speaker 2 was more like the TV was set up and there was like road on the TV. That would be like he's widely coyote.

Speaker 2 And so people swerve to avoid the objects in the road. The next thing they know, they hear a voice that is asking if they need help.
And now this happened four times.

Speaker 2 And several other people, two of them happened to be connected, they noticed that it was the same exact man that seemed to have been parked next to the highway waiting for them to crash.

Speaker 2 We don't know what they did. Everybody refused.
They all said he was weird looking was kind of a normal white guy or whatever, right? Long legs. So it was long legs.
It was long legs.

Speaker 2 But so that was one thing. That became a mystery.
That was like, all right,

Speaker 2 it stopped. Then, right before Christmas, a person.
We don't know. We are pretty certain it's the person who did this.
We don't know, right? So one of the victims was by the name of Garrison Beach.

Speaker 2 All of a sudden, First Alert 6, the local news in Bennington,

Speaker 2 they receive this call as they are talking about the story.

Speaker 5 Hello, this is Garrison Beach, and I would like the news article about the accident on Highway 36

Speaker 5 to be removed. This news story does not need to be up there and needs to be removed immediately.

Speaker 2 So that voice is not Garrison Beach. It almost sounded like, I know it was a person, but it almost sounded like it was like AI.
I think he just might be a fucking weirdo, Eddie.

Speaker 2 And so Garrison Beach had to go and talk to First Alert 6 and say, that's not me. And because they got, they said it wasn't the one call, they received several calls

Speaker 2 from that voice of that voice, that voice saying it was Garrison Beach. Saying it's Garrison Beach.
I want you to take this article down. They contacted Garrison Beach.

Speaker 2 Garrison Beach, he says, no, I did not contact you. They went and they played him the voicemail of the person impersonating him.
And Garrison Beach says, like, I don't know.

Speaker 2 Honestly, I don't know what to say this or not, but sounds just like the guy. So

Speaker 2 this guy is trying to get the stories taken off the news about this. So it's either.
Did they trace the call? No, they can't do that. They don't do that.
It was on a voicemail. With a voicemail.

Speaker 2 And so it's finding it interesting. It's one of the first.
I don't know what number called you.

Speaker 2 I don't know. I actually don't know.
I don't know.

Speaker 2 Honestly, I bet you that's the type of information that they probably have to, if they are talking to police, that that's what they would give to them. Because we don't know.
I haven't heard anything.

Speaker 2 I just heard voicemail, right?

Speaker 2 And so, but they're, but it, it's, I find interesting is that on this news report, they're talking a little bit more in sort of like, oh, well, maybe this guy just really wanted to help people.

Speaker 2 Like, he really wanted to help people, which I think is a tactic from the news to get this guy to show himself because I don't think that he, I don't think that he's trying to help people if he's trying to get the news story off the internet.

Speaker 2 I think that the man is doing something fucking weird. God knows what it is.
We'll find out. Who knows?

Speaker 2 He could be, maybe I'm wrong, and he'll turn out to be the most benevolent man ever who only wants to be,

Speaker 2 he just wanted to work for roadside assistance and he never got a chance to because he wouldn't get his mechanics degree. Yeah.
Woo.

Speaker 2 Yeah, who knows?

Speaker 2 So that's that story. That's it.
That's all we got.

Speaker 2 We'll find some updates on him. So, So, but now, current news.
Eddie, we have got some stories today. So, we have Christmas, we have a Christmas

Speaker 2 section,

Speaker 2 which is also four family annihilators. Four? Four over the Christmas break.
There were four of them. One of them, too, the last one was, I believe, the name of Jacob Mayhew.
This always happens,

Speaker 2 and then just sometimes it gets swept under the rug. I think that Christmas, the holiday season is an extremely stressful time.

Speaker 2 And I think that we see a lot of uptick in suicides and in stuff like this. Family annihilations is one of those things that seem to, again, we talked about it right before the show.

Speaker 2 They come in waves. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's almost like guys see it in the news and then some consciously don't understand that they are agreeing with the fathers that are killing their families and they get inspired to kill their families.

Speaker 2 Yes. Which is,

Speaker 2 I say, honestly, take them to Disney. And leave them.
Well, that's very expensive. Or drive them someplace and leave them.
Yeah, not Sparry Farm. Always leave.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Family Annihilators don't go to Disney, please.

Speaker 2 So before we do that there, but before we do Christmas crimes, there was a more, obviously, more important crime that happened that we kind of want to talk about it.

Speaker 2 The similarities and the differences between what happened in New Orleans on New Year's Eve

Speaker 2 and

Speaker 2 what happened in Vegas on New Year's Eve. Now, we know that two separate,

Speaker 2 I would say close to domestic terrorist events happened. that were extremely similar.
One was in New Orleans, where a car drove through was an electric electric truck, drove through

Speaker 2 extreme than the other one. Much worse.
Yes, really, really fucked up. He drove through a crowd on Bourbon Street.
He killed 14 people. 35 people have been hurt so far.
This is a man.

Speaker 2 There's 15 people, but you know, I mean, like, what do we do? It's not good. Yeah, either way, it's not good.
About 15 people are dead. Samsuddin Jabbar was the name of the man who did it.

Speaker 2 We know that he was inspired by ISIS. He's a former military vet.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 He, again, rented an EV truck, did it all in the EV truck, and then he got into a shootout with the police and he died in the shootout. He was waving an ISIS flag.
He was.

Speaker 2 The only thing is, and we had talked about this right before the show: like, how do you get one? Yeah, where do you get an ISIS flag? Rob, could you look that up? Can you Google it?

Speaker 2 Because we were Googling before, we were trying to find out. I figured that

Speaker 2 on into a microphone, just out of just pure curiosity. How to buy an ISIS flag.

Speaker 2 Podcast on the left is just curious, not

Speaker 2 super

Speaker 2 flag. If it exists, Etsy.

Speaker 2 Etsy. Interesting.
That seems a good choice. Wow.
You went to Etsy. Yes, for ISIS flash.
Wow, you can buy an ISIS?

Speaker 2 I don't know. I don't think.
No, there's, it's so not.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, what do you do? Do you just take a black cloth and throw a bunch of white out at you? They can't all be.

Speaker 2 Do you think they all get made? Or do they not get made in Taiwan or something? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Right? Did I do in this?

Speaker 2 I feel like there's a. When are we inviting ISIS to the Olympics? Yeah, it's so, I mean, they want to be in it.
Yeah. This is what happens when you search and Google to try to search.

Speaker 2 It just goes full line. Wow.
It just won't even let us look at it. We're just trying to look at it.

Speaker 2 Well, it doesn't even show you the

Speaker 2 Google shopping. Yeah, well, Google shopping.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. The first thing that comes up is FBI.gov.
Oh, Jesus. Amazon.
All right. Yeah, type it in.
ISIS. Type it in Amazon.
Can we get one?

Speaker 2 Bezos, make if anyone's sending me one, it's oh, fuck ISIS. Oh, he's got a fuck ISIS, and you have an LGBTQ.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, you can buy that. You can buy an Iraqi phone.
No, wow. You have to make it again.
Man, did I ever tell you about, so when I did USO on Christmas, and

Speaker 2 it was Christmas Eve, and we're on the base in Baghdad doing the show, and then there's these two Iraqi like super soldiers there watching the show, and they were like big and tough and crazy, and they look totally different because they're Iraqi super soldiers, and they're just standing like with their arms crossed underneath the fucking hoop and shit.

Speaker 2 And I'm sitting there by the chairman of the Joint Chief of Staff, and then after the show,

Speaker 2 these two guys from the Iraqi military go up to the chairman of Joint Chief of Staff and he reaches in his pants pocket and he pulls out a crumbled up flag and he hands it to the general and it's an and it's an ISIS he opens it up and it's an ISIS flag that he captured yesterday and like that he killed people for and the general said thank you and then General Dumford batted motherfucker and then he and then he crumbled it up the general crumbled it up and put it in his pocket and it was like the craziest exchange there was no one no press no one took pictures pictures.

Speaker 2 It was just something I just kind of saw. And I was like, I was like, holy fucking shit.

Speaker 2 So do you have to pay your dues to ISIS and then you get a flag and like a certificate and a polo and a lanyard? I'm sure they love sending them. You know, like

Speaker 2 they got, you know,

Speaker 2 I got a bunch of biggest baby shirts at the house. I don't know what to do with them.
Yeah. I could imagine ISIS putting a big order because you got to get, you got to order one.

Speaker 2 We have to get rid of it. These things are just sitting everywhere.
We got to get these boxes boxes out of the bottom. out of here

Speaker 2 we can't get rid of yeah we got to get these boxes out of here how else am i where am i going to put my pinball machine collection protecting the the the americans see if we can hi my name's tim isis and one thing i gotta say is these flags are choking me all right

Speaker 2 Just take them, just use them. All right, honestly, just use them as a tampa claw.
It doesn't matter, man. No, they are, so that was, but that was a bad one, right?

Speaker 2 So we still don't know where to get an ISIS flag. No.
Side store is L-P-O-T-L-L-Gmail.com. We're going to have to do it the old-fashioned one.

Speaker 2 That's what I think.

Speaker 2 Don't send me it.

Speaker 2 I should have hired you.

Speaker 2 Did you see him available?

Speaker 2 Fucking ISIS, man, the sequel to Al-Qaeda, those fucking pussies. Still around.

Speaker 2 Still around.

Speaker 2 And so, what do you think?

Speaker 2 Is the Taliban Al-Qaeda and ISIS? They're like, are they connected? Eddie, please, for the love of Christmas. This is not the show.
This is not our show. None of us have any idea.
I don't know.

Speaker 2 Rob doesn't know. I think I've stayed out of it.
Yeah, I mostly am just

Speaker 2 hopes and prayers. Thoughts? Thoughts and prayers? Vibes? To who? To the Middle East.
To the Middle East, all of it. My goal is to the Middle East.
May they each find their way towards peace.

Speaker 2 It's always been good over there, and I don't know why just recently it's getting stirred up. Also, LastPodgustonLoft.com, we will be doing our first live show in Jerusalem.

Speaker 2 It will be on Easter Sunday.

Speaker 2 And just please come and join us over there. It is going to be a barn burner.

Speaker 2 So that's, that was, so that was like, that's the, the, obviously truly fucked up. Yeah.
And then the other one is this cyber truck guy.

Speaker 2 Now we know this, this fucking charmer, a man by the name of Matthew Liverlsberger. He was very similar to the other guy.

Speaker 2 Sinus the Isis. Not only,

Speaker 2 it was extremely similar. They're both military.
They're both vets.

Speaker 2 One thing, though, is that with the NOLA bomber, with the NOLA driver, the truck attack,

Speaker 2 he was in the U.S. Army, and we know that he was radicalized from the way in.
He was middle, and

Speaker 2 something like that. But when it comes to Matthew Liversberger, same shit, but a wholly different scenario.
He also rented an electric truck. He rented the cyber truck, right? He then also,

Speaker 2 Army vet, but he was Green Beret.

Speaker 2 Main difference between Matthew Liversberger and this other guy was the fact that he had a massive brain injury. It changed his entire personality.

Speaker 2 That everybody says, they all said that he was a different guy after he had. And he got divorced.
Both of them.

Speaker 2 This is what I'm saying. Divorced men's energy.
We are all going to have to protect ourselves from in 2025. Yeah, because there's going to be a lot of divorces this year.
I got a feeling.

Speaker 2 I have a feeling. I am working.
I love my wife. I'm doing everything.

Speaker 2 I think we're in the clear. We're five.

Speaker 2 And so I.

Speaker 2 But we are doing our best. We're going to do our best as men.
But these guys, like, this is the problem with giving a man his freedom in this way. Yeah.
Is that it really sets him out there.

Speaker 2 So Matthew Liverl's burger, he was, he got divorced. And one of the weirder things is.
Do you think he was just upset because he won the Brian Thompson lookalike contest?

Speaker 2 God, that is a bad contest to fucking win, dude.

Speaker 2 Did you know that actually if you win that, the prize you get is a target on a shirt?

Speaker 2 Now,

Speaker 2 can we keep it, Rob? Can we keep it, Rob? Yes.

Speaker 2 So Matthew Liverpool that you were going to be a moral barometer for the rest of your life? Yes.

Speaker 2 Yes, he did. Now, now he knows.

Speaker 2 So one of the things I found that was curious about Matthew Liverlsberger is that not only, so he was divorced, you know, he's let loose, he decides to rent this cyber truck from Turo, which is, again, great.

Speaker 2 I love that all the Turo, he also,

Speaker 2 all. Same thing with the NOLA truck attack guy.
He also rented his truck from Turo. And everyone's like, I was like, this is the worst ad campaign I've ever heard for a car rental.

Speaker 2 He drove for fucking

Speaker 2 terrorists.

Speaker 2 And so

Speaker 2 Matthew Livelsberger. He rented the Cyber Truck.
Now, you have all of these reporters. So he drove it.
I believe he drove it from

Speaker 2 Colorado to Las Vegas. Had to charge it fucking twice.
Yes. Exactly.

Speaker 2 Exactly. Main fucking problems with the the cyber truck.
He drives to Vegas in order to, we now know, he detonated his cyber truck after he put a gun in his mouth and blew his brains out.

Speaker 2 He blew up the cyber truck in front of Trump Tower. Now you have every shithead Monday morning quarterback reporter starts ripping through this story, going to be like, you could see the symbolism.

Speaker 2 Because it looks, I mean, it's not his day. You see Trump Tower? It's fucking Cybertruck.
Screaming at the symbolism. See, this is a problem.
The soldier, fucking...

Speaker 2 But then when you look into Matthew Liversberger, huge Trumper, huge fan of Elon Musk, and what you find out is that these people, let's just say, Eddie,

Speaker 2 they might be kind of ignorant about

Speaker 2 everything

Speaker 2 in a way that they

Speaker 2 did not know that he went to go do this because he thought Trump was cool. And then Elon Musk was cool.
Yeah. And that everyone would like this.
I think

Speaker 2 Cybertruck because he really wanted to drive it. Well,

Speaker 2 this is actually true, is that he drove out there and he was texting his ex-like fuck buddy. Like somebody he dated before he was like,

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it might have even been like someone that he was cheating on his wife with or something.

Speaker 2 She says that he came back out, right? Yeah. And that he says, so, but what he was doing, so Matthew Liversberger, he was, he was texting his ex-girlfriend as he was driving.

Speaker 2 All he was texting, was how cool the cyber truck was. And the cyber truck's awesome.
Video of him showing her how fast the Cybertruck could go.

Speaker 2 And the whole time she's sending texts back.

Speaker 2 No, if you ever get texts like that, that person's probably about to kill them.

Speaker 2 Anybody who says, I feel like Batman, is in a bit of a mania because that's what he texted her. He texted her, I feel like Batman.
But you know what the main difference between him and Batman is?

Speaker 2 Several billion dollars.

Speaker 2 And you're not Batman. You're a stupid fuck.
He's just rented a cybertruck like an idiot. Patricks are still alive.
I'm more like Batman than he is.

Speaker 2 Let's just rub. One, two, three.
More like Fat Man. No, let's just clean.
Come on.

Speaker 2 Come on. Come on.

Speaker 2 Now,

Speaker 2 Matthew Silverger,

Speaker 2 this is the problem is that anytime you think a

Speaker 2 especially in these days and ages, I think that people think that something's like should really be

Speaker 2 way more complicated than it is. We want these guys to have more depth than they do.

Speaker 2 So he came out, he Matthew Liversberger, he wrote, he had suicide notes that he was criticizing the government and all whatever, just kind of, to be honest, hack shit. Yeah.
Then you have,

Speaker 2 he, you know, he was made a whole big deal about, but he was mostly concerned. The reason why, like, everyone was like, oh man, this means something.
He went to Trump Tower.

Speaker 2 It's like, no, he just wanted. it to be on the news.
Yeah. I believe he just wanted to be on the news.
He knew he did it in front of Trump Tower in Vegas. He would absolutely get on the news.

Speaker 2 And he got the Cybertruck because he he wanted to test the Cybertruck. And you could tell from all of the content he made from within it.
Yeah. As he was driving.

Speaker 2 And just like, also, his ex-On your way to commit suicide, and you're still like, I need to put this content out. People are, well, he wasn't putting it online.

Speaker 2 He was just sending it to his ex-girlfriend. Okay.
And so when he was driving across the country, he just was, well, they say this a lot with people that have decided to commit suicide.

Speaker 2 Their attitudes will be. Yeah,

Speaker 2 they reach euphoria in a weird way. Because they've now like made a decision about what to do.
So it seemed that he decided to do a

Speaker 2 where I'm gonna let my hair hang down. I'm gonna drive a cyber truck to Vegas and then not party in Vegas.
Like, first of all, you didn't party at first.

Speaker 2 Like, you should have done at least the Al-Qaeda pilots went out and fucking went to a strip club, helped the economy a little bit.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? You mean to tell me you're not gonna go out there and do something? He didn't do anything, you know? Nothing. I don't think so.

Speaker 2 Well, he's, but it's mostly just, just know this, ladies. This is like

Speaker 2 same thing. We talked about with the micropenis.
Same thing with the cybertruck. All you got to say,

Speaker 2 oh, cool.

Speaker 2 That's it. That's all they want to hear.

Speaker 2 All a guy with a cyber truck just wants to hear it's like, if you go up to him, you're like, wow, this is a really cool car. You've saved one family from being annihilated.

Speaker 2 You saved one public space from being detonated with a handmade fertilizer bomb. If you just, we got, this is 2025.
This is reaching across the aisle. I'm going the other way, man.
I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 I'm i'm never getting in one i've like if someone pulls up to pick me up in an in a cyber truck i'm just gonna be like you know what i'm fine you know i i will say some of matthew livel's burger did make the truck look pretty fun but

Speaker 2 i mean of course it's fun it was just it was so fun i'm so anti-cyber truck i'm anti-cyber truck but when i was watching the text he said his ex-girlfriend was like oh wow i just want to go around

Speaker 2 cyber truck because also like one thing that she did she was just like he was like because she was also asking a bunch of disinterested questions because he obviously he sounded manic so she was asking him a bunch of disinterested interest sounded like disinterested questions a woman's like how fast does it go and he's like unworldly yeah

Speaker 2 Yeah, it was very, very sad. But then he went to go blow himself up in front of Trump Tower.
And then he just got exactly what he wanted is that we just talked about him.

Speaker 2 So is this again this like reached out to your divorced buddies this year?

Speaker 2 This is it. Reach out.
This is the goal. Well, he also, his statement was about like the military, right? You know, he and all that.
There's a bunch of problems.

Speaker 2 He thought the drone.

Speaker 2 I mean, like, it's fucking, it's an epidemic. Well, it's.
Soldiers fucking, what is it? Like, it's over, like, it's like 20 a day.

Speaker 2 You are correct in terms of the, utterly, yeah. In terms of the suicide rate for soldiers are huge.
Anybody being military, it's very, very big.

Speaker 2 They're out there in VA parking lots, killing themselves, trying to make a fucking point just so people talk about it. At least, you know, maybe this guy like took it to the next level.

Speaker 2 Well, I think the problem is that when you look at it, it was a mismatch of some. He had a brain injury.
He was not the same. Matthew Livelsberger obviously dealt with quite a bit in the military.

Speaker 2 And as a Green Beret, he probably saw quite a bit of action. He then came back out.
I think that he was, he had a brain, his brains were fucking. He was scrambled.
His brains were scrambled.

Speaker 2 He didn't know what he was doing. And then he wrote a whole long conspiracy theory about the New Jersey drones were like Chinese military technology.
Wouldn't he know better than anybody?

Speaker 2 No, not necessarily. Technically those Green Beret guys.
Maybe I'm wrong on this side story's L-P-O-T-L-E-G.

Speaker 2 It seems that people that are specifically trained to kill are not given lots of information. And I might be wrong.

Speaker 2 Where the people to kill are? Yes, I might be wrong. And I would actually like to know that for certain, but it kind of seems that they kind of

Speaker 2 divide things up in that way, where if your job is to go kill a lot, they don't want you thinking too much. Yeah, you're country, not intelligence.
Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know.

Speaker 2 But so this is the, it's just wild to see that the stories were immediately. They said that the stories were linked, that the NOLA truck attack and the seamless explosion.

Speaker 2 What they did see, of course, they seem, but I think that was

Speaker 2 Fort Bragg. Fort Bragg, which is like they probably fucking knew each other.
And Fort Bragg, I believe, also had that shooter. I believe Fort Bragg had the

Speaker 2 yeah, yep. I was also wipe.
William Krutzker Jr.

Speaker 2 also had a shooting in 1995.

Speaker 2 No, there's a lot going on there. Something is

Speaker 2 what we're going to, I don't know if what we're going to see is this, but I find it fascinating that they are parallel,

Speaker 2 but they're completely different. Yeah.
And I think we're going to see more of stuff like that. I just think that the internet's driving people crazy.
Oh, absolutely. It's driving people crazy.

Speaker 2 And fucking everyone's just, you know, these people are fucked up. And no one's willing to help them.
It's because it's, I guess, a political non-starter. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then you see them like a pussy whenever you want to go for therapy, you know, and it's shit drives me crazy. I make my therapist call me a pussy.
That's great. But that's just so I can get hard.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I can be vulnerable unless I'm hard.
So first I must be shamed, then I can be fixed.

Speaker 2 Oh, well, there was one fun Christmas story I think I would like to bring up on this show.

Speaker 2 Well, dude, I actually thought that this whole conversation was fun. Oh, no, it's delight.
You know, actually, it's surprisingly fun for the content involved, to be honest with you.

Speaker 2 Shout out Lil Dobbs.

Speaker 2 Lil Hobbs is dead.

Speaker 2 Lil Hobbs is dead. Yeah.
And I had to unfollow Lil Hobbs. Lil Hobbs.
He put a bunch of firearms. We unfollowed Lil Hobbs.
You unfollowed Lil Hobbs? He's dead.

Speaker 2 I still follow Wally Gator, even though Wally Gator's dead, and he's still posting too. I'm still posting old videos of Wally Gator.
No, it's like Christmas video.

Speaker 2 You have to let it go. No, I remember remember Wally forever.

Speaker 2 Lil Hobbs lives on. Lil Dobbs, Lil Hobbs, Lil Hobbs.
Lil Hobbs lives on.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, they still never found Wally, did they? No, Wally's dead. There's no way Wally lives.
Wally's too friendly to make it in a Georgia swamp. Live from your blade.

Speaker 6 Hi, I'm Jenny Slate. And believe it or not, someone is allowing us to have a podcast.

Speaker 2 I'm Gabe Leidman.

Speaker 7 I'm Max Silvestri. And we've been friends for 20 years, and we like to reach out to kind of get advice on how to live our lives.

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Speaker 2 All right, Christmas season is over, but that doesn't mean we don't have Christmas crimes. And there's been, there was a bunch of fun Christmas crimes, but not really that fun.

Speaker 2 There's four Family Annihilators. We didn't even really talk about it.
We just, it happened. You know what it is about the Family Annihilators is that they all end the same.
Yeah, they really do.

Speaker 2 Were they, were any of them done by ladies this time? God, I wish. Yeah.
Never, never, right?

Speaker 2 It's got to happen once or twice. Every once in a while.
Yeah. Every once in a while, there is.
Like, if you look up here, look up, yeah, 224. Yeah, the Lawson family murders.
That was a big one.

Speaker 2 That was last year. Okay.
No, that was last year.

Speaker 2 You might have to put 2024.

Speaker 2 oh that was that other one

Speaker 2 and then jason mayhew was another one that that happened recently that was a teenager um but i think that that guy was a bit yeah the five family that guy that guy

Speaker 2 yeah yeah yeah you know there's a lot of them they love it so anyway

Speaker 2 friendlier topic thomas campbell bowling von Getz. I like Gates.
Gates?

Speaker 2 I love this. This guy is.

Speaker 2 Coming from the New York Post, Ensured he was placed on the naughty list and in a jail cell this holiday season after he disrupt two separate Catholic masses within a few hours.

Speaker 2 Dude, did fucking a double banger, man. The man ruined one mass.
He didn't get enough.

Speaker 2 He showed up to Holy Angels Catholic Church around 5 p.m. Hey,

Speaker 2 Jesus. Hey, come, Mr.
Murphy.

Speaker 2 He just walked in yelling, and then he dropped

Speaker 2 an onion in the aisle and

Speaker 2 look at Mixome Soup. He dropped the onions with me.
He literally had an onion and treated it like a grenade.

Speaker 2 Like he's fucking farmer's market Rambo. Here's Joan.
It's not the only onion I got. I go to the back of the store.
And then finally, someone's like, all right, get him out of here.

Speaker 2 And they followed him outside. And then when they followed him outside, he started pelting the man with tangerines

Speaker 2 before fleeing the citrus. Jake, yeah, here's some citrus, you bitch yeah you want to try to fuck with me or try to fuck with me i know the dough family

Speaker 2 yeah

Speaker 2 trying

Speaker 2 i got the whole produce section in my pockets and then seven hours later seven hours so he goes what do you think happened all right so he then goes to midnight mass or he continues

Speaker 2 seven hours later he goes to a midnight mass

Speaker 2 francis xavior catholic church in leonardtown did you guys miss my catering from the last christmas service I was on? He dumped a bunch of whiskey in the holy water.

Speaker 2 Here goes a cocktail, seasonal cocktail. And then he threatened parishioners while he was walking up and down the aisle.
Did you better me? Did you fucking better me and I drunk?

Speaker 2 And then the parishioners tackled him at the midnight mass. Oh, now very Christian are you.
And then he tried to hit several of them with the bottle of liquor.

Speaker 2 And then they held him on the ground until the sheriff deputies came. And then they took him to St.
Mary's Hospital for medical evaluation. Yeah, I'm going to need a look-see.
And then his mugshot.

Speaker 2 I love this.

Speaker 2 The mugshot of this next to the full glass of whiskey that they've decided for next to him is so funny. He is like straight out of like the cast of Philadelphia.
Dude, he really does look sick.

Speaker 2 Tom is so happy. He's like, just like, I did it.
I did it. I'm the one who caused the trouble.
Look at his face. He's like, ain't I, stinker?

Speaker 2 I'm the king. He just looks naughty.
He looks like a naughty little girl. What I think is...

Speaker 2 He probably lost a bet to his other drunk gay friend. And they're like.

Speaker 2 But you go ruin Christmas over that.

Speaker 2 And then he went and he did it. And he's like, how'd it go? And he's like, this is what happened.
Crushed it. All right.
I got notes.

Speaker 2 Crashed it. Well, what do you think? All right.
So he's intoxicated. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Starting early. It's Christmas Eve.
You say he's with friends. I say this man hasn't spoken to another person at least a week.

Speaker 2 Christmas Eve, he wakes up. He decides it's time for everybody.
I'm Santa tonight, right? He wants to go to Santa. So, like, you think that he'd get enough after first?

Speaker 2 Because he has to get the onion and the tangerines. Does he bring them from home? Or does he go to the store and

Speaker 2 just imagine this is what he eats every meal? Yes.

Speaker 2 My onions and tangerines. Jake God, I saw that one ad on Instagram.
I'd never be this fit if it wasn't for my onion and tangerine diet.

Speaker 2 I will go down there and tell Jesus about it. But do you think he gets it put the man and manhattan? Normally, I wouldn't waste an orange and several tangerines like this, but Mr.
Holidays.

Speaker 2 Also, you're dumping it in the holy water. No one drinks the holy water.
They dip their hands in it. I think he was sullying the holy water.

Speaker 2 But I wonder, what does that man do for the seven hours in between? I mean, got hammered.

Speaker 2 I'm sure he got more drunk. Yes.
Do you think he goes to her Denny's? No. No, no, no.
He eats on tantrums.

Speaker 2 We've already discussed that.

Speaker 2 For me, go make my mouth hell.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 I gotta go.

Speaker 2 He goes, he gets, I actually applaud him because if I was drunk enough to ruin a Christmas Eve early mass, I definitely would be conked out.

Speaker 2 I remember my mom used to always try to get me to go to Christmas Mass, and I'd be like, I'll go if you let me boo.

Speaker 2 And so like, I'm sure this guy has the same fucking idea. I mean, like, who you're alone on Christmas.
You need everything in the world. Oh, he wanted to go.
He wanted to do this.

Speaker 2 You know, the world hates you and shit. Oh, yeah.
He was going out there to do it. Mr.

Speaker 2 Von Gates, who is truly the fanciest name of a man that I know that is drunk on Christmas Eve, Thomas Campbell Bowling Von Gates. We

Speaker 2 honestly salute you. Next year.
Yeah, he was charged with second-degree assault for throwing tangerines at a man. Oh, well, he was also trying to hit people with a bottle.

Speaker 2 Yeah, disorderly conduct, defacing religious property, religious crime against a group, obstructing a religious exercise, threat of mass violence, and disturbing the peace.

Speaker 2 I didn't know obstructing a religious exercise was a crime. I mean, who fucking, it sounds like one of those bullshit ones.
America, man. Yeah.
Yeah. Sounds like one of the bullshit.

Speaker 2 That's fucking whatever. You should, they should be designed to be free update.
Yeah, dude. He can't walk into.
Well, yeah, whatever. Or he's pouring a little whiskey into goddamn holy water.

Speaker 2 Actually, I do want to ask this. You don't have to pay admittance to go to a church.
You don't have to show a license to go into a church. There's no subscription.

Speaker 2 What law is he breaking walking into the church?

Speaker 2 If God was real, wouldn't he have stopped him? Yeah. If anything, he was giving to the church.
He gave food and drink. Jesus turned water into wine.

Speaker 2 That guy turned water into whiskey by pouring whiskey into water. Yeah, man.
That's easy to do. You guys are, I just don't, because, yeah, I'm actually incensed about this.

Speaker 2 There's a crime to, you're interrupting a mass is a crime. You threaten people, though.
That's different. That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 I mean, obviously, it's Christmas. That's different.
Yeah, you're in church. Yeah, yeah.
What do you think God does? Yeah. Oh, God does a fucking.
The whole thing is a threat.

Speaker 2 The whole thing is you can't

Speaker 2 go to hell. You can't gamble, you get jerk off, you can't curse at your mother.
Why would they have all these stupid fucking bird baths sitting in the front of the churches? Fill it with whiskey.

Speaker 2 Dude, fucking they probably get, honestly, they probably get more out of the whiskey than the holy water. Yeah.
This guy should be a saint.

Speaker 2 Saint von Goetz? I think that Saint von Goetz is probably. We'll find out.
I think it's probably Goetz. Von Goetz? I think that, well, I believe it's the same.
Goetz. Goetz.
Something in German.

Speaker 2 And then I quickly. Thomas Campbell Bowling von Goetz.

Speaker 2 We love you.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 I like your actions, but I don't know what you're doing. I'm sure he's unbearable.
I don't, the man is probably a very difficult human.

Speaker 2 I don't want him to hurt anyone, but I do think that he can ruin as many masses as he likes. Yeah.
Now, this,

Speaker 2 just real quick. Are you willing to bail him out?

Speaker 2 Let's see.

Speaker 2 Is he willing to be my

Speaker 2 own mass interrupter?

Speaker 2 Can I send him out? Do you become my man? Do you become my chaos agent that I can send out to add religion?

Speaker 2 All I know is that this is the energy we're looking for in 2024. Now,

Speaker 2 this is not a long story. I just want to talk about this because this also happened on Christmas Day.

Speaker 2 Two Oregon men, they died from exposure in a forest after they went out to look for Sasquatch on Christmas Eve. They went, they got hammered, they couldn't find them.

Speaker 2 It is, it's literally, it sounds like a parody Christmas song, and they went out and they found them frozen in the snow. Yeah.
Because they were stupid.

Speaker 2 That is the song that we have to write for next Christmas.

Speaker 2 Got frozen looking for Sasquatch. Got frozen looking for Sasquatch.
Got crazy looking for Bigfoot on Christmas. And also,

Speaker 2 Bigfoot's at home celebrating with his family. Yeah.
Leave Bigfoot alone on Christmas. If just one day.
Also, you could tell neither of these guys are married.

Speaker 2 Oh, no, no, no. There's no woman to be like, you're not going outside on Christmas.
You don't know what I'm doing. It's just the one night he thinks he's free.

Speaker 2 You know, honestly, I was going to hit up my buddy because normally every

Speaker 2 Tuesday night we have onions and tangerines together, but he said he was busy.

Speaker 2 Yeah, these poor bastards. It's just dumb.
It's just dumbass shit. Look for Bigfoot in the summer.
And unfortunately,

Speaker 2 he's probably hibernating. Well, it's also Bigfoot celebrates Christmas.
Sasquatch, actually, Jewish. Oh, really? Yeah.
Oh.

Speaker 2 The Yentil Yeti. A lot of them converted after World War II.
A lot of them converted.

Speaker 2 Oh, so as we start to close out this show, we were debating whether we should talk about this or not, but I figured it's at least worth bringing up.

Speaker 2 Who do we think is going to die this year? Death Watch! 2025. 2025.
Now, I know this is tasteless, but it's just real quick.

Speaker 2 It was mostly just because I was curious, and then you talked to me about the deathlist.net, and I looked it up, and Dick Van Dyke is number one with a bullet. Number one, yes.

Speaker 2 But I only think that that's just because he's been on the news recently and has been a good one. He has carried on the list for 10 years more than anyone else on the death list.

Speaker 2 And so he is number one. But my thing is, is that all of these, a lot of these guys make sense.
John Williams makes sense. Mel Brooks makes sense.
Alan Greenspan makes sense. Mel Brooks looks great.

Speaker 2 I saw Mel Brooks last year. He is not dying this year.
No, Gene Hackman looks good, but I like to see. I don't know.

Speaker 2 That's a hell of a statement. I don't think Gene Hackman looks good.
I don't think he ever looked good. He's riding his bike at 95.
My grandfather.

Speaker 2 My father can't walk from the bedroom to the living room

Speaker 2 mel brooks is 99 yeah and frankie valley who i've also become obsessed with because i've been watching his new performances

Speaker 2 and he is just he basically performs like an animatronic it's actually really kind of creepy he can talk still but he can't he could barely he's quite frightening watching him perform he looks like um like he's been pulled out of a dark ride um but i want to say these are a lot of like these are all to be frank and also big one, number 50 on the list, Stuart Hall, sex offender.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. What is he? 96 years young.
Who is he? I don't know. I don't know why that's on this list.

Speaker 2 Bishop Stuart Hall. Yeah, why is that his sex offender? Who did he offend? Cultural theorist.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 Okay. And he's just known as

Speaker 2 a sex offender on this thing. God knows.
Well, I feel like we've just sent her. I just feel like we just stepped into a big one.
That was the wrong one. This is the multiple Stuart Halls.

Speaker 2 That's the guy. Yeah.
Oh, I can see him. Yeah.
Yeah, he looks like a sex offender. Yeah, he's got that British face.
Too friendly. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he looks like a guy who fucking sucks children's feet and stuff. I want to see the inside of you.
Yeah, I see that guy. He's on a game show called It's a Knockout.

Speaker 2 Okay. Of course.
And that's why

Speaker 2 I could tell. Look at him.
God, what a romantic face. David Attenborough, number 27.
But these are all very... I just want to hear what is your one outlier for the year, and let's see what happens.

Speaker 2 What's your one outlier? Total surprise. Who's going to die this year? Let's put some money on it.

Speaker 2 Total outlier. Total outlier.
Just random person. Someone that you think that could die this year.
That could die this year. You just be totally random.
Totally random. And then we'll see.

Speaker 2 And then we'll obviously see at the end.

Speaker 2 Mike Tyson. Okay.
Yeah. I can see it happening.
I can see Mike Tyson. Yeah, sure.
I can see Mike Tyson going. Yeah.
You know, he almost went this year. He did.
Yeah, because he got really sick.

Speaker 2 He got really sick. And, you know, he's been going too hard.
And

Speaker 2 I can see him

Speaker 2 just now just settling down and winding down his life. I can see that.
Yeah, now he's lived hard, too. I'm putting money on Eddie Redmain.
Eddie Redmain! Still going to put money on it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Just for the sake of it. Now, is this money a hit?

Speaker 2 No, Eddie.

Speaker 2 Absolutely not. I think Tyson can go this year.
Yeah. Eddie Redmain.
He looks very healthy.

Speaker 2 Eddie Redmain's going to live to at least 2035. He could be sick.

Speaker 2 He could be very sick. Look at his face.
He is at his pinched face. He does, yeah.
How does the face get that thin? He could be very, very sick. I hate his little waist.
He's a good nurse.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 Wasn't that the show, the movie he was in? No, you're thinking of the other. He was the.
Was that the one with the abortions? The murderer. The murder nurse.
Vera Drake. Oh, Vera Drake.

Speaker 2 Drop your knickers. Oh, yeah.
You remember we played the drinking game? Yeah, the Vera Drake drinking game. Every time she says, drop your knickers, you have to drink.

Speaker 2 We did that in college. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then we found out one of the people we had were playing with recently had an abortion. She loved it.
She had a great time. She was free to drink?

Speaker 2 Yeah, she drank plenty. Now, let's get to some listener emails.
Yeah, he wasn't a good nurse. That movie sucked.
Except she's got my baby in it. Who? Jessica Chestname.
My wife looks like Jessica.

Speaker 2 My wife looks like Chestnut. I always say my wife looks like Jessica Chesney.
We can't both have that.

Speaker 2 Well, she is short. I will say that.
Jessica Chestname? Yeah, she's short. She is? Yeah.
Isn't she one of those two that says she's older than she is? Or she's younger than she is?

Speaker 2 She's actually older, but she looks good. She's older than us.
Wow. Isn't that great? That turns you on more, doesn't it? Of course.

Speaker 2 47 years young, looking great.

Speaker 2 All right, here we go.

Speaker 2 And we got a couple of these listener emails.

Speaker 2 I think that I'm just going to read

Speaker 2 one and two. I'm going to read this.
The first one and the last one. Okay.

Speaker 2 This first one's espooky.

Speaker 2 It's been confirmed now by three separate people, including myself, that my friend's house is haunted. In early August, about 1 a.m., I fell asleep on the recliner in the living room.

Speaker 2 I woke up to an incredibly strong feeling of a woman watching me in the hallway that led to the rest of the house. I kept my eyes closed and waited for the feelings to pass, but it didn't.

Speaker 2 So I opened my eyes to look around to make sure no one was watching me. I went and slept in another room.

Speaker 2 I talked it up to having a very strong dream and being uncomfortable since my dad had just died a couple days before. I told my friend the next morning, I don't think about it until whatever, right?

Speaker 2 We didn't think about it until the next day.

Speaker 2 On December 11th, 2024, around 8.30 p.m., he had another guest over who was sitting alone in the same recliner, waiting on my friend and his wife to finish their online D ⁇ D game on the other side of the house.

Speaker 2 He said that he felt a feeling. of a woman watching him as well and he looked up to see a figure watching him from the corner.
He closed his eyes and looked away and looked back and it was gone.

Speaker 2 It spooked him and he left.

Speaker 2 My friend's roommate overheard my friend and the guests discussing the situation when my friend's roommate was like, Holy shit, I have a story too.

Speaker 2 The roommate who was having stomach problems and decided to leave his room and sleep on the recliner one night. He awoke to the same feeling and have a woman watching him in the room.

Speaker 2 He couldn't specify the direction. However, his incident occurred around 3 a.m.
They're all saying they all kind of felt this female presence watching them. Okay.
And then they all confirmed it.

Speaker 2 Same female presence, same recliner.

Speaker 2 No bad or good feelings. It just felt neutral, like they were being watched.

Speaker 2 Me and the other fellow had the same exact details, except we couldn't pinpoint where in the room the woman was watching us from. So my buddy and I did some research on the house.

Speaker 2 The original owner died on December 10th, 2021 inside the house. Also, 2024 was a leap year, which means that we added a day onto the year, which meant it should be December 10th, 2024.

Speaker 2 And that was when the other guest saw her figure. It was the anniversary.
Oh,

Speaker 2 nice.

Speaker 2 You know, I thought I saw a ghost in a recliner. Yeah.
Yeah, I know. I know this story.
Yeah. You should save this, though.
It's a long story. Yeah, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 But I think a recliner is somewhere where ghosts like to hang out. Why wouldn't they want to be comfortable? That's where I like to put my butt ghosts.
And by those, I mean my farts. It's very spooky.

Speaker 2 Remember John Moreno had the haunted house that he lived in? Yeah. From Murder Fist? Where he kept seeing like burning people.
That's right. I forgot all about that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he lived in this tiny house in Tallahassee. He'd wake up to see people burning in his bedroom.
Yeah, or like it'd get really hot in the house. Yeah, that's right.
And there was

Speaker 2 you open the back door and it just led to nowhere. And then they found out that it was like a slave quarters.
We should talk with him. We should bring him on to talk about it.

Speaker 2 I forgot about that story. That shit's crazy.
And then I was back visiting Tallahassee and then I was driving past the house and it had burned down again.

Speaker 2 Weird. That's fucking weird.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, I want to talk with John about that. That'd be great to do for something with the creepypasta.
Some creepypasta episode because that story is very frightening. Yeah.
All right, here we go.

Speaker 2 One last one. I'll take this one with a grain of salt, but this is some of my favorite shit in Fates of the Planet.
All right.

Speaker 2 Back in 2012, I was stationed in Colorado Springs for a year, and while I was in the process of getting settled, I decided to check out the local scene.

Speaker 2 Colorado Springs is a unique part of this country. Very strange place.
Yeah, a lot of military. A lot of military.

Speaker 2 I was still waiting on my furniture to arrive. It had nothing to do at home, so I went to explore downtown.

Speaker 2 I managed to hit it off with some Air Force guys and spent the better part of the evening bar hopping with them. It got late, and I decided it was time to go home, so I called a cab.

Speaker 2 I'm 39 years old, and Uber was not a thing at the time. It's 2012.

Speaker 2 One of the Air Force guys wanted to come with me. He was out in his last hurrah before PCSing, permanent change of station, to another duty station, so I figured he wanted to just hook up.

Speaker 2 I told him, there's no way I can host. I'm literally sleeping on an air mattress.
He persisted.

Speaker 2 Eventually, I relented, and we came back to mine, and he honestly didn't make a move, but he told me the craziest story.

Speaker 2 He'd been enlisted in the Air Force for a while. He was an E6.
He was working at NORAD and somehow stumbled into a quote-unquote a meeting that he shouldn't have belonged in.

Speaker 2 Sometimes if you're in uniform and keep a straight face, no one asks questions.

Speaker 2 At this meeting, he said that there was an alien. I legit didn't believe him, and I laughed when he told me.
Again, thinking he had an ulterior motives, but he persisted, and he was very serious.

Speaker 2 The meeting was held at a conference table, and in one of the chairs sat an alien. It was a small, brown, and had scales, according to my guest.

Speaker 2 It was anthropomorphic and had two giant black eyes and only nostrils, not a nose. It did not speak, but it did have a slit where a mouth should be.

Speaker 2 Instead of speaking, it communicated telepathically, and everyone present was able to understand it.

Speaker 2 I didn't ask enough questions at the time, but I got the impression that my guest was telling the truth. But it's strange because he almost seemed sad to tell me this story.

Speaker 2 Not excited, scared, or curious. Almost depressed.
I don't know what message the alien relayed, but the meeting was amongst a bunch of U.S. military officials, according to him.

Speaker 2 But he doesn't, according to the, unfortunately, I don't have any more details.

Speaker 2 He spent the night on my slowly deflating air mattress, never tried anything with me, had a banana in the morning, and then called us around to pick him up. I've never heard from him again.

Speaker 2 I want to believe him.

Speaker 2 I hope there are more legitimate sightings, but there's something ominous about an unknown

Speaker 2 secretive race of beings and their possible relationship with our government that has the undertones undertones of both awe and fright maybe we'll come to know more and question if there's a god i'm an atheist studied zoology in a fossil record if aliens from another world exist and if somehow resembles us how do i justify that but sometimes you just got to let go and say fuck it i never heard of brown scaly aliens it's all different types the ones with big noses there are ones that are you know you get the tall whites you've got this another grays and the tall white but there's many style of alien there's many many style of alien a lot of the grays they say are robotic, but

Speaker 2 he tees brown. He's brown.
He tees brown as hell. He's fake.
Yeah, but he's cool. You're right.
He's very cool. I wish he was real.
Now, that's so fucked up, though. He didn't say what the alien said.

Speaker 2 That's the whole, that's the most important part of the story. I guess he wasn't ready to have sex with that man enough.

Speaker 2 Or he

Speaker 2 wasn't paying attention. God, yeah, he was just like wondering why.

Speaker 2 Why would can someone please

Speaker 2 please? Yeah, small brown scale. What does it say here on Pinterest? Yeah, I don't see a small brown alien.
I got to look at my I have an alien book at home.

Speaker 2 I'm going to look at it. So just guys, remember, wow.
First one in, Eddie. Yeah.
First one in 2025 in. 2020, feeling good.
Feeling. Well, you're fine.

Speaker 2 I mean, I'm feeling mediocre, to be honest with you. I'm about 80%.
But hey, can only go uphill from here. That's right.
So live every day knowing for a fact if you're at the bottom of a hill.

Speaker 2 You just got to fucking roll towards more of the bottom. Honestly.
Because sometimes you'd really like, you'd love the fact. You'd love the bottom.

Speaker 2 You never actually know how much fun you can have at the bottom. Yeah.
The very, very rock bottom. Once you get to the bottom, dig.
Just be there for a while. Just like go on.

Speaker 2 But then laugh as you ascend because you know that, yes. Wheeze.
Wheeze.

Speaker 2 Is that you know that you have technically made it worse for yourself, but in the end, when you dig yourself out of a hole, people like you better.

Speaker 2 That is so true. Thursday.

Speaker 2 That's right. This Thursday, Hoopagoogoo, the HGX2, coming to the LPN Twitch channel at 6 p.m.
Pacific, 9 p.m. Eastern.
We got Jared Logan judging this one. Love him.
It's going to be amazing.

Speaker 2 I'm very excited for the show. I love Hoopagugoo, our first one of 2025, the year that it all takes place.
Yes, and I can't wait.

Speaker 2 Are we not moving ahead to year? No, we are. It's 2026 in Hoopago landing.
Good, good, good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Don't worry, sound tricky.

Speaker 2 So thank you guys. Go to our patreon.com slash slash podcast.
Left to watch us F-Lopper Jows. Go to twitch.tv slash LPNTV to watch hoopagoo goo hdx2.

Speaker 2 And go to lastpodcastontheleft.com to buy tickets to see us live. We are going to be amazing.
I promise you. That's right.
We're in Atlanta, Dallas, Nashville, Detroit, Toronto, and more to come.

Speaker 2 Yeah, baby, we got some side story shows that are going to be announced soon. Oh, yeah.
I'm excited. We got a bunch of stuff coming down the pipe.
Y'all fucking love it.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry about Christmas that I got sick twice. We are going to make it up next year.
Yeah, we are going to, or, you know, we'll find another, we'll replace that date. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we'll replace that date sooner than Christmas. Oh, definitely.
We're definitely going to replace the Masonic Lunch team. Yeah, yeah.
Sorry about that. We had to cancel that.

Speaker 2 That was, that was a, that was a big...

Speaker 2 The LPN Funhouse

Speaker 2 gave us COVID. Yes.
And that's what happened. Yep.
But, hey, we're healed and all for the better for it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 We can't necessarily tie it to that day, but I'm not going to not. It had to to have been that.
I mean, I don't know. Because I'm, you know.
Lard humongous is COVID.

Speaker 2 No, it's not. He's clean.

Speaker 2 He's the cleanest man. Honestly, what I love about Lard is that he's so soft-spoken and nice.
Yeah. And he's got a lovely wife.
Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Like,

Speaker 2 I don't want to bust his character, but he's like, he's so kind. He's such a kind, sweet, gentle man.
He's easy to be that. Yes.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Great poker. Yeah.
All right, guys. Love you.
Bye.

Speaker 6 Hi, I'm Jenny Slate, and believe it or not, someone is allowing us to have a podcast.

Speaker 7 I'm Gabe Leidman, I'm Max Silvestri, and we've been friends for 20 years. We like to reach out to kind of get advice on how to live our lives.

Speaker 8 It's called I Need You Guys.

Speaker 7 Should I give my baby fresh vegetables?

Speaker 6 Can I drink the water at the hospital?

Speaker 8 My landlord plays the trombone, and I can't ask him to stop.

Speaker 9 You should make sure that you subscribe so that you never miss an episode.

Speaker 2 I need you guys.

Speaker 8 Tis the season for tangled lights, traffic jams, never-ending to-do lists, and unannounced drop-ins from your in-laws or that one cousin that can't explain how you're related.

Speaker 2 And the result?

Speaker 8 You're not getting enough sleep. So this holiday season, let Coop Sleep Goods make your shopping easy so your nights are filled with stress-free sleep.

Speaker 8 They design sleep goods with one goal in mind, to help everyone sleep better.

Speaker 8 Gift their award-winning adjustable pillows, sheets made for five-star spas and resorts, or pillows made with cooling technology. This Black Friday, Coop is offering up to 60% off site-wide.

Speaker 8 Shop thoughtful gifts they'll actually use every night. We know everyone needs a good night's sleep, so skip the holiday stress and leave the rest to Coop.

Speaker 8 Visit coopsleepgoods.com slash comedy to get up to 60% off site-wide. That's COOP SleepGoods.com/slash comedy.