Side Stories: Fishy Business

Speaker 1 Hi, I'm Jenny Slate. And believe it or not, someone is allowing us to have a podcast.

Speaker 2 I'm Gabe Weedman.

Speaker 3 I'm Max Silvestri. And we've been friends for 20 years.
And we like to reach out to kind of get advice on how to live our lives.

Speaker 4 It's called I Need You Guys.

Speaker 3 Should I give my baby fresh vegetables?

Speaker 1 Can I drink the water at the hospital?

Speaker 4 My landlord plays the trombone and I can't ask him to stop.

Speaker 5 You should make sure that you subscribe so that you never miss an episode.

Speaker 2 I need you, girl.

Speaker 6 The growing demand for content means more chances for off-brand work getting out there. Adobe Express can help.

Speaker 6 It's the quick and easy app that gives your HR, sales, and marketing teams the power to create on-brand content at scale. Ensure everyone follows design guidelines with brand kits and lock templates.

Speaker 6 Give them the confidence to create with Firefly generative AI that's safe for business. And make sure your brand is protected, looks sharp, and shows up consistently in the wild.

Speaker 6 Learn more at adobe.com/slash go/slash express.

Speaker 2 There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast

Speaker 2 on the left.

Speaker 2 Side stories?

Speaker 2 That's when the cannibalism started.

Speaker 2 Side stories. Yes.

Speaker 2 So Tootsie's turning 17. Yes.
Are you going to come to her birthday party? Or only? We're going to throw her a birthday party. We're going for it.
The only way I'm going to this birthday party.

Speaker 2 And I floated this to you while we were drunk the other night. Yeah, what was it? I forgot.
I still think it holds. We got to get her a stripper.

Speaker 2 You're buying it. Yeah.
You got to get it for her. Do you think that if you hired a male stripper for a 17-year-old dog and they arrived?

Speaker 2 I want him dressed like a dog. Well, yeah, have little ears on.
I mean, no, I want a dog suit. No, but we got to see his dick and his balls.

Speaker 2 Well, yeah, when he takes off the dog suit, we'll see his dick because it'll be underneath the dog suit.

Speaker 2 And that'll be instead of clothes, either that or a mailman. The only thing about

Speaker 2 she'll freak out. Yeah,

Speaker 2 maybe she shouldn't see the mailman's dick. I don't think that's.
He's always listening to Rogan real loud when he walks up, too.

Speaker 2 But is it like an issue for a stripper to do a lap dance for a cute little puppy in terms of a very old puppy? Yes, she's 17.

Speaker 2 That's technically underage, but it's more like she's like technically 119 years old, according to the dog years math. All right, what if I get like, what if we get like a hot, like

Speaker 2 Pomeranian, like a male Pomeranian. Who decides it's hot? Me.
You. You know, I can tell if one's good looking or not.
You know, I can be. Yeah, that's definitely a hot one.
That's what I would say.

Speaker 2 Yeah, sure, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
But I wanted three or under, young, tight for Tootsie. I feel like this is the, because dogs can.
And then, and then I want to, and then we shave it.

Speaker 2 That's how a a dog strips. We talked about it.
You shave it, and then it's just a pink doggy. I just feel like we need a male in there.

Speaker 2 I mean, in terms of a human, I feel like you have a human in there. No, but you see my dick, I'll tell you that much.

Speaker 2 I tried to, honestly,

Speaker 2 I try to avoid being nude in front of the dogs. Do you really? Yeah, because it makes me feel weird.
It is my mother's dog. Because they're so curious.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know, whenever I'm nude, I feel like they're looking extra hard. Oh, I don't think.
Tutsi's always staring cross-eyed at me. She's looking like everything does sort of look like a ghost.

Speaker 2 And you think that that would not reflect on the stripper? I think the stripper is going to get, I mean, we're going to pay it. You're going to pay it.

Speaker 2 I would love the idea of a stripper showing up, dressed as a veterinarian. He has no idea what's going on, right? And he shows up.

Speaker 2 She doesn't hate the vet. She does shake sometimes at the vet.
She doesn't know what the vet is. She just knows she's leaving.

Speaker 2 Thank you, Rob. She doesn't know what the vet is.
You know what I mean? It's not the vet. It's more of the scenario.
But if she dressed, this might actually help.

Speaker 2 He comes in, and yeah, probably he might be a little confused at first.

Speaker 2 Sidestories L-PO-T-L-A-G-M L-POTLAGML.com If you're a male stripper in the Los Angeles area that would be fine with something like this Yeah, is that what you do is send your rates send your rates, please is that Yeah, they'd show up to the party and there'd be a bit of confusion, but then like the you they'd see us all in a circle because what I would like to do is put Tootsie in a chair in the center of the living room kind of like what you do Yeah, she there is a chair she likes to sit on too and then we have it come in there.

Speaker 2 We have him come in and we play like this is how you do it. Yeah.
And then he takes off all of his clothes for I mean technically we'll be watching as well, but then he just got it.

Speaker 2 He has to be fine with giving Tutsi a blop dance, but it doesn't have to be sexual. You're not touching her little, her little choo-choo or anything.

Speaker 2 I think he's taking his dick out at all.

Speaker 2 Male strippers, do they take their dick out? I don't think they do. If you pay him money, I think they keep it in their pants, then they kind of like open the top and be like, hey, check it out.

Speaker 2 Look what's in there.

Speaker 2 Who would be confused?

Speaker 2 I think it's more like, look what I got.

Speaker 2 Look at that, China.

Speaker 2 It's not just like,

Speaker 2 oh, God, what do I have? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, it's that, oh, no, is there something wrong with mine? Can you see, ma'am? It's just a dildo sticking out of a vagina.
Crazy, right?

Speaker 2 Crazy, right? You had no idea. Pretty cool, right? You're paying me to strip in front of a dog.

Speaker 2 Hi, welcome to Science Stores. My name is Andrew Browski.
I'm sitting here with Ed Larson. Yeah, what else should we get for Tootsie's 17th birthday party? I want jungle juice.
Jungle juice?

Speaker 2 Old-fashioned, man. Make it in the hot tub.
Wow.

Speaker 2 I will say, just straight up, right before we get into it,

Speaker 2 we were a little off with our election prediction.

Speaker 2 And so,

Speaker 2 yeah, we're fine, obviously.

Speaker 2 We're just, you know, kind of just reorganizing and still be my Jill Stein, Jillian Stein, because please.

Speaker 2 But I will say, due to the changes that we have coming up,

Speaker 2 I do think that it was really important for us. And I think it's important for you guys to do this too at home, is that I sat Natalie down, right? Yes, she loves this.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I sat her down, and I said, now that the rights for you have reverted to me,

Speaker 2 I release you. You did that.
And I think that's important for every husband to do to each one of if you have a wife out there.

Speaker 2 I have a wife. Release her.

Speaker 2 Do you want, do you really want control of her ute?

Speaker 2 I mean, the two youths. The

Speaker 2 my cousin Vinny. Yeah, that's right.
No, I haven't released Julie yet. We haven't talked about it.
Well, she's going to have to negotiate for her release.

Speaker 2 At least I think she should make a case for why she should be free. This is some husbands.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You have to understand. I just did it ahead of time.
I just knocked it out knowing that she's going to kill me. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know that Julie's not going to fucking kill you when the revolution comes? She's very strong. She could kill you probably, especially if you're asleep because you sleep so deep.

Speaker 2 She'll beat you to death with a fucking hammer. I'm a big guy.
And, you know, Julie's, you know, she's strong as hell. Super strong.
And I think. But she doesn't like violence.

Speaker 2 I think she doesn't like violence.

Speaker 2 But when the revolution comes right when that blood wave of period comes to kill and wipe away us all all men yeah she just sort of she would get into it yeah she'd fall in the line i think she would win the fight if we've ever fought because she'd have something to fight for and you're still just you're just like you're just awesome because you're a guy yeah and she exercises yeah there is that she's got she can beat you with stamina she's got endurance yeah she can beat you with stamina she's strong you know yes i've seen her she got and she's got good length yeah yeah yeah in terms of like can lift some shit oh she's got the long reach yeah good ready good reach she keep pop popping sticks she can pop a stick yeah mike how jake paul has to do the mike tyson i was gonna yeah we were i did you didn't want to talk about it but i'm curious where do you think is gonna happen with the you were wrong about the election

Speaker 2 Are you going, who do you think? I'm sorry, I just had almost a seizure.

Speaker 2 Wrong about the election. I just bought into the propaganda.
You were wrong.

Speaker 2 I bought into the propaganda. Yeah, because I bought into the propaganda because I wanted it because it felt nice.

Speaker 2 But it was another mirage of horseshit fed to us by a bunch of people who technically should, every single one of them should be fired.

Speaker 2 You're also wrong about who you wanted to win. But what I want to talk about now is

Speaker 2 I campaign for Jillian Stein every day in my backyard.

Speaker 2 Do you think Tyson's going to beat Paul?

Speaker 2 I'm worried. It's going to be during our show.
It's Sirius. Oh, very much so.
Yeah. Except for it.
So I literally, Chris.

Speaker 2 If you're in the Los Angeles area, just know Sirius XM down at the garage. We have a live show.
We're doing a live taping of the last update on the left there. That's right.

Speaker 2 I don't know if we've advertised this. I don't know.
But hopefully, I'm sure people will show up. But it's certainly the Jake Paul, Mike Tyson fights.
So maybe no one will show up. No one might come.

Speaker 2 Because I think everyone in the world is going to be watching this. Everybody's a fucking moron, I guess.
I guess we're going to win. Who do you think is going to win? I want to hear your not us.

Speaker 2 Not us. Not the American people.
No. No, we lose.
We lose across the board. I know this is like

Speaker 2 as big as the election to most people. Absolutely.
And again, it's just sadly going to purely sully the pure and perfect world of the boxing industry. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 And I can't believe that anyone could possibly corrupt. It's breathing the little bit of life back into it.
I know it. No one gives a fuck about boxing.

Speaker 2 Honestly, I think that what I've read a little bit, what just happened, like Mike Tyson does look absolutely frightening in his pre-training. He's doing a lot of training.
He does have heart issues.

Speaker 2 He is a six-year-old man. Jake Paul is 27 years old.
29, I believe. Whatever.
Fucking all the same. It's whatever.

Speaker 2 I hope he's older. He means he's closer to death.
Jake Paul is like, literally, like, he's fully trained at the top of his powers in order to do something like this.

Speaker 2 If they had met at the same age, Mike Tyson would literally turn him to a red mist. But the fact that he is not shows that Jake Paul definitely has a shot.

Speaker 2 If it lasts longer than a round, Mike Tyson's going to lose. Hello, Mike Tyson is so funny at every interview.
He's just like, I'm just scared of who I am.

Speaker 2 It's the way he talks about I'm an animal and I shouldn't be outside. I love Mike Tyson and the fact that he's a horrible monster, right?

Speaker 2 But there are things that he says when he's just like, I just wish the people knew that the rage inside of me, it just takes over and I can't make these decisions.

Speaker 2 And like people ask him, like, so like, what are you going to do when you get in the ring? I do not know. I become a chaos demon.
I become death himself. And you're just like, damn, Mike, maybe not.

Speaker 2 You know, like, maybe you don't got to, dude. Maybe it's one or the other.
You know what's the wildest thing? I'm not saying I can barely contain my violence. Is Jake Paul?

Speaker 2 People hate him so much that we all want him to lose a fight to a convicted rapist. Very much so.
Nothing would make me happier.

Speaker 2 No one is rooting for him. Nothing would make this convicted rapist.
Nothing would make me happier than watching this convicted rapist paralyze Jake Paul. That would make me extremely happy.

Speaker 2 It would show that maybe there is is something fair in this life. But no, Mike Tyson's going to throw it as soon as they get to any form of real conflict.
He's going to fall.

Speaker 2 I don't know if he's capable of throwing a fight. I don't know.
I don't know. They're already kind of saying, we talked about this as we were driving in today.

Speaker 2 They legitimately might even pull the fight because of insurance issues. Mike Tyson's been having heart troubles.
They're worried he's going to die in the ring.

Speaker 2 I think that weirdly Mike Tyson wants it that way. Oh, he should die in the ring.
And so, but if he's going to die in the ring, you better do it.

Speaker 2 Mash in the face of that piece of fucking shit hopefully he leaves as much of a mark on this piece of fucking shit as much to get but i will say you did eddie you did sort of i've been watching the doc you pushed me you pushed back a little bit about the idea that like technically it's probably good jake paul got into boxing and working out because it got him sober yes which is probably a good message for young men but he's not he's not a complete moron no even though you don't you don't have to like him no but in order to get where he is you have to have some kind of brain whatsoever whatsoever.

Speaker 2 I will say, watching him train, though, he just seems slow. He is extremely slow.
And so I just think Tyson's a lot faster than he is. If he was a real boxer, he would have been a boxer.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? He has won some legitimate fights, though. Yeah, because now he can, because he's literally just dumping millions of dollars into training every inch of his body.

Speaker 2 But if he was a boxer, you would have been one instead of whatever he was. You got to start training to be a boxer at like 13.
You should be getting punched in the face at nine. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 If you really want to be a boxer, that's what you do.

Speaker 2 Man, I love whenever people talk about like Tyson's history, and it's just like, it's always like, I was on the streets of Brownsville, and someone took one of my pigeons and ripped their head off.

Speaker 2 And that was the first time I ever beat a man next to death. I knew what violence was and what I had to do.
Why do they make me be this way? Why does everyone drive me to be a killer?

Speaker 2 And it's like, you know, like, dude, you just, you're like this. I will say, I, well, you know, let me backtrack a little bit because I know a lot of people that do train for boxing later on in life.

Speaker 2 And it is great. I'm getting back on a weight list.
No, it's good to be healthy. It's good to be healthy.
It's just knowing that, you know, it's what are we doing it for?

Speaker 2 Jake Paul is doing it just because he could have chosen to go into any profession with the amount of money that he had. He could have done literally anything.

Speaker 2 And he chose this, which I do think is poor decision. People hate him.
Yes, but I do think it's important. He's going to enter a place like an environment like boxing.

Speaker 2 He could have done a lot of stuff. He could get done with my big dream is to go be the number one caterer of North Korea.

Speaker 2 If I could get into Korea. Did you ever cook children? What? No, no, no, no.
What I would bring to them, collard greens. Whoa, I'd bring them ham hock.
I'd bring them some mashed taters. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Pepsi pie. I'd go down there with my big old Pepsi pie? Because, yes, Pepsi Pie.
I mean, I'd be in full blackface.

Speaker 2 But that's why I'd be in North Korea: is to show them because I feel like that way they'd let me do it.

Speaker 2 You know, like if I showed up to be the number one caterer of North Korea, but I did it all in the character of old Mr. Johnson, Right.
Maybe they'll let me do it.

Speaker 2 Maybe. Maybe.
I don't know. They'll like you.
That's for damn sure. I don't know if they will, but they'll take me.
You're charismatic.

Speaker 2 The other thing I'm watching on Netflix, other than the Mike Tyson fight, is Investigation Aliens. See, this is how we get these fucks.
Yeah. I started.

Speaker 2 Eddie had no, he it's not, he chose out of his own energy

Speaker 2 to put on an alien documentary. If that does not show the power

Speaker 2 that this show has, I mean, I don't know what does. Yeah, no, well, I want to, you know, I mean, it's your job.

Speaker 2 It's my job, and I need to understand what the fuck you're talking about a lot of the times. And there's some interesting shit in there.
See?

Speaker 2 The cattle mutilation. Well, the cattle mutilation.

Speaker 2 And that's a mat. There was a...
This is really how it is. They're sucking them up into a ship, cutting off their tits and

Speaker 2 their fucking dicks and shit. And then they're in their noses and their ears.
And they're emptying them with blood and they're putting them back, no footsteps. I think that it's what they're doing.

Speaker 2 It's cattle mutilations. We don't quite know what they're doing.
That's more than mutilation. That's like sucking out blood.

Speaker 2 They know what they're doing, is they're taking it and they're making meat back where they are because burgers are great. I mean, it's like cheeseburgers for aliens.

Speaker 2 It's not we're going to fucking make peace. Cheeseburgers for peace is something I've been saying for fucking years.
He has been.

Speaker 2 You know, like, and it's like, and these fucking, these guys, they got cows, so they got cheese and they got burgers. Oh, they got it all.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And they're out there in the fucking galactic introverses fucking sharing burgers together. See, the main thing was beautiful.

Speaker 2 I'm not quite certain about how physical in nature a lot of the UFO phenomena is. I think it's pretty much straight down the middle, half psychic, half physical.

Speaker 2 Whatever happening with the cattle mutilations, the reason why they're interesting is the way, like, you know, we've covered this on the show before, but normally, just so you guys know, there was a rash of these again.

Speaker 2 There was like probably 15, 20 of them last year during the summertime up in the Pacific Northwest.

Speaker 2 All of this was happening in Oregon and Washington, where these, the, we've, the cattle get sucked up. They get surgical, what they call surgical or laser.
A lot of them call it laser.

Speaker 2 They say scalpel, but they also say it's burns, and it's very sick. It's like a laser scalpel.
Yeah. And that it's specific parts of the cow.
It's like the ears, the nose, the mouth.

Speaker 2 Anything hanging off. Anything hanging off.
And honestly, specifically, the dicken balls. And the others.
They get sucked off. Do you think, are they taking the vaginas?

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 We got to call George. Where's George Snapp? We need to get his number on.
I want to be able to call him live while we're recording.

Speaker 2 I want to get his cell phone number so that we can just randomly call him every once in a while while we're talking and get into it. But a lot of people were...
Obviously, there's pushback.

Speaker 2 Main pushback is saying that it's predators eating them very specifically.

Speaker 2 There'll be blood and there'll be teeth marks.

Speaker 2 It is true. A lot of these

Speaker 2 cattle appear desanguinated, which means that they have the blood taken out of them. I love how you knew.
I didn't know what that word meant. Yes.

Speaker 2 Oftentimes, they are then unperturbed by other predators, which is the most

Speaker 2 mysterious. The scavengers ain't touching them.
It is very mysterious. They literally are left there.
The corpses of these cattles are left there to melt. Until they become bones.
Yes.

Speaker 2 And they don't get eaten. And the bones don't get eaten.

Speaker 2 It's very... That is what makes it specifically interesting.

Speaker 2 There's a lot of people, if you listen to, if you watch Investigation Aliens, there's a lot of farmers that think it's other humans doing this, but I don't really know what they get.

Speaker 2 It would be impossible because there's no fucking trail.

Speaker 2 There's no footsteps and

Speaker 2 there's no blood. Yes, cattle mutilation.
Blood would be everywhere.

Speaker 2 Blood would be everywhere. And the one part, one thing that he talked about was interesting when he was talking about the farmers.

Speaker 2 George Knapp was on the first episode talking about the idea that there was these weird crop circley style things popping up as the mutilations would happen. And then they said that afterwards,

Speaker 2 nothing would really grow in the areas where the little like crop circles happen. And they didn't look like well, no, it grew back better, they said.
Yeah, some of them did.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it was like this weird thing. It had a weird phenomenon inside of these circles.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's, I don't know.
I think that there's a lot of mysterious stuff.

Speaker 2 I think that when they do, imagine there's a world where one strain of the UFO phenomenon is a physical alien that is here that does not operate on the same rules as our galaxies and our, on our, literally our galaxy and definitely our society.

Speaker 2 And that what they do is what they view as research. Like, what if they're looking at us through a prism of their world?

Speaker 2 So there's things that they don't understand about what we do, why we do them, and what our things are.

Speaker 2 And that instead of a direct, oh, we're experimenting on these cattle, that's why we're doing it. It's just, that's their version of

Speaker 2 either like, that's what appears to us after they're done with whatever the hell it is that they're doing. This is all saying that this is true.
Why is it only cows and not horses and stuff?

Speaker 2 Don't know. Why is they're not taking dogs? They're not taking pigs.
No, it's very interesting. We don't know.
They're not finding people like this either. They do.

Speaker 2 Not with no fucking dicks and no blood in their bodies.

Speaker 2 I mean, not in this economy. But later on, like you can find out, it's more they get scooped.
People get scoop barks taken out. They get implants putting in.

Speaker 2 They get people who have had their babies sucked out of them, they said, or they showed up miraculously pregnant and they got babies kind of removed from them. That's good thing that happens.

Speaker 2 They get their titties sucked. They get their buttholes reamed quite often.

Speaker 2 A lot of times they'll have a filament shoved up their penis through your urethra to make them come and they get super hard to the point where it hurts and they come against their will.

Speaker 2 Do you find that to be assault? Yes. Well, isn't it science if an alien's doing it? Well, ask the 43 macaques that fucking escaped from the research facility

Speaker 2 that we just talked about. These fucking monkeys.
I'm just saying I have the same thing. Before we get into the monkeys, I have more questions from alien investigation aliens.
Sure.

Speaker 2 There was a battle in Brazil?

Speaker 2 Well, the Colaris UFO flap that happened in the... They flew out of the ocean and started shooting people with laser beams? They did.
They do have USOs.

Speaker 2 This is a very specific style of UFO that we don't really see in any other country besides Brazil, which is the aggressive UFO.

Speaker 2 Well, they're saying they're in the fucking Gulf of Mexico and off the coast of California as well. Oh, yeah, that's where we see them pop up, but they don't zap us.
They only zap the South Americans.

Speaker 2 We cover this in the Dangerous UFOs of Brazil episode that we did in 2020, but they talked a lot of this.

Speaker 2 It's an aggressive form of UFO phenomenon that attacks people. And we don't know why it is specifically only to Brazil, but there has been lots and lots of stories.

Speaker 2 It does remind one of these stories of the fairy folk and the very and the people that take like and would steal people and movie because like there was the famous story of someone that got pulled up by one of these and dropped and then another one got zapped by one of them and the other one got gassed by one of them.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And so if this is happening and they're in the water, are we going to look for them or are we just there's no funding for that? Like are there submarines like looking for the

Speaker 2 underground?

Speaker 2 I don't think you understand, Eddie, what's going on in our country right now and how we can't focus on this story is because, do you know that they're turning little boys into girls in kindergarten?

Speaker 2 In kindergarten. On purpose.
Well, yes.

Speaker 2 Bull boys go into kindergarten, they do surgery on their little penises, and they turn them into innies. They turn them into pussies.
Yes. All right.
So that they go vote for Kamala.

Speaker 2 And that's what we have to work on right now versus your petty little, oh, there's UFOs in the ocean.

Speaker 2 I'm just curious. Don't we want to know?

Speaker 2 Do we know? Do you think we actually know? I actually think that what we're seeing is the main issue is that the USO, the unidentified submerged object. Yeah,

Speaker 2 not the USO that I know and love. No, no, no, not the real one.
It's that the USOs are

Speaker 2 where we think this shit comes from.

Speaker 2 If there is a physical version of the UFO phenomena that is based on the planet Earth. So let's say that's another stripe of it.
I believe with the phenomena that it's all of it, right?

Speaker 2 Let's just say you could say all, it could be any of it. And so one of the theories is that there is a base on Earth that shoots these things out.
And one of them says...

Speaker 2 Sits like in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Essentially, in that they pop up, which is what we see.

Speaker 2 There was a recent piece of footage that I wanted to say was on one of the Investigating Aliens episodes I haven't gotten to yet, where you see this amorphous blob that looks sort of like a physical flare leave the water.

Speaker 2 It pops up out of the water, hovers, and goes back in and plays around with it like it's a fucking dolphin. Very interesting.
Yeah. And there's a lot of people talk about these coming up from the top.

Speaker 2 Yeah, 80% of the oceans remain unexplored. Of course.
We don't know each other. Yeah.
It's most of the world. But that is the, they kind of the.

Speaker 2 Can we stop looking at the Titanic for two seconds? And you got to make sure it's there, Eddie. Yeah, yeah, stop coming in.

Speaker 2 Make sure that it is continuing to be there. They're fucking the aliens are next to Hawaii.
You don't got to. Everyone do themselves a favor and go find the fucking aliens.

Speaker 2 Hang out in Hawaii while you're doing it. Dude, we got to.
James Cameron is right now at the Titanic. What is his problem? I think he's taking Zooms from there.
Avatar's taking

Speaker 2 aliens. Avatars are stupid.
They are stupid. They are fucking stupid.
I really hate those movies. Avatar 5 is going to...
I just. Remember how brave Avatar 2 was? I can't believe it.

Speaker 2 When it just became

Speaker 2 from himself, like every movie that he's ever done was in Avatar 2. I hated Avatar 2.
I hated it so much. Would you think it's Avatared?

Speaker 2 Can we say that yet? Hey, yeah. Yeah.
Avatar did okay. I think that, you know what? In 2024, yeah.
Yeah. We're back, right? We're back in that.
We're back in Avatar 2. You can say that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you can say that. Thank you.
Yeah, because it's, what else would it be? Yeah. And you know what? If you write in and say, I can't say that, it doesn't matter because Henry's my boss.
Yep.

Speaker 2 And guess who's my boss? Nobody. Nobody.
Guess who's nobody there? I can't blame anybody. It's just me.
Well, if you want to hear great stuff like this, come to the show November 23rd.

Speaker 2 We got a big show

Speaker 2 up in Humboldt at the Mattiel Community Center. We're still selling tickets.
We got Billy Wayne Davis is hosting. He's going to do a big fat set.
Dude.

Speaker 2 And then we're going to come do a full side stories and then hang out with Billy afterwards. Oh, yeah, buddy.
And then we're going to hit up that town.

Speaker 2 We're going to fucking paint it green, paint it brown.

Speaker 2 I'm going to be a new man. I'm going to be so happy when I'm up there.
I've always wanted to see the big trees. I've never seen the big trees.
I want to see the big trees so bad.

Speaker 2 And then on December 21st,

Speaker 2 Classy Night Out Christmas, baby. Come up.
We're going to have a really, really good time. It's at the Masonic Lodge here in Los Angeles.
We're going to have tickets are on sale today. Yes.

Speaker 2 And we're having a lot of different variety acts acts in there. Yeah.
It's not just comedy. Yeah.

Speaker 2 We're going to have a lot of people from the network, and then we're going to have some interesting acts as well. It's going to be a great show.
Make sure you check it out.

Speaker 2 And, of course, we got our whole new tour for Last Podcast and I left. We got a bunch of them.

Speaker 2 Come and see the New York show. Yeah, that's what we got there.

Speaker 2 Please come down. That's going to be fun.
And then

Speaker 2 the one I've never, you know, I've never been to Atlanta. I've only been to Atlanta once for a Tom Petty concert, and I showed up, almost got arrested, and then went right back to Tallahassee.

Speaker 2 You're going to have a great time. And so I can't, I've never been to Atlanta.
I'm very excited that

Speaker 2 we're in this town. Yeah.
Green eats. Are we going to go to the varsity? Because that's what people tell me.
No. No? No.
Do they have better hot dogs somewhere? We're not getting hot dogs.

Speaker 2 We're going to get hot dogs? No. Absolutely.
Are you getting in Atlanta? Nope. What do we get? Peanuts? No.
What do you mean? We're going to get real food. Like what? Good stuff.
I got a whole list.

Speaker 2 You're being mysterious. I am.

Speaker 2 I'm going to take you out. Let me show you around.

Speaker 2 There's a lot of stuff to get.

Speaker 2 I might take you to Holman and Finch just to get some parts. Ooh, what's that? Holman and Finch is one of my favorite restaurants in the country.
What are the parts? All sorts of innards. Oh, really?

Speaker 2 Yeah. You know, I like my middle meats.
Yeah, we'll get some innards. Oh, yeah.
We got a lot of them. Now that we can't trust Boar's head anymore.
No, Boar's Head's out.

Speaker 2 Yeah, as far as Liverwears goes, anyway. But you know what's on the menu? Monkey? Macack.
Macack! My cock is on the menu. Yeah, that's right.

Speaker 2 That's what that stripper's going to say at Tootsie's birthday party.

Speaker 2 Macack! She's on my menu. She's bite my cock.

Speaker 2 That'd be huge. That'd be amazing.

Speaker 2 Oh, as long as her horn doesn't touch it. Live from North

Speaker 2 Growing a business is complicated. Your network shouldn't be.
Connected Workplace from T-Mobile for Business gives you fully managed business internet.

Speaker 2 That means network configuration and equipment tailored to your business needs and performance monitoring to keep systems and operations running smoothly.

Speaker 2 One cost-effective solution to connect and support across locations so you can focus on what's next. Accelerate your growth on America's most advanced 5G network.

Speaker 2 Start now at t-mobile.com/slash connected workplace.

Speaker 2 This is an ad by BetterHelp. You know,

Speaker 2 I really lost contact with my ascended masters recently. It's been so hard to psychically reach them because so much aluminum has built up in my pituitary gland.

Speaker 2 I guess it's because I've been using all this fancy, dancing, natural deodorant that apparently has extra aluminum in it. But honestly, I just wish I could reach out sometimes.

Speaker 2 You know, it's just nice to make somebody's day. My ascended masters always tell me I'm right and that I'm not too fat for life.

Speaker 2 But some people don't have ascended masters to talk to. Some people wish they could reach out to somebody.
And this season, BetterHelp encourages you to reach out.

Speaker 2 Check in on friends, just like it takes a little courage to send that text or grab coffee with someone or ask one of your ascended masters what's the proper way to destroy communism, reaching out for therapy can also feel difficult, but it can be worth it.

Speaker 2 So I say you get out there, and just like I want to, give a call using the powers of Votan.

Speaker 2 For those of you that don't have Votan,

Speaker 2 enjoy BetterHelp. This month, don't wait to reach out.
Whether you're checking in on a friend or reaching out to a therapist, BetterHelp makes it easier to take that first step.

Speaker 2 Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/slash lastpod. That's betteratlp.com/slash lastpod.

Speaker 2 If you've ever felt overwhelmed by the idea of learning a new language, you're not alone. Studies show that 70 to 90% of people trying to learn a new language give up.

Speaker 2 Fortunately, Babel's built so that it's really easy to get started. Learning a language with Babel is all about small steps, big wins, and progress you can actually track and feel.

Speaker 2 Their bite-sized lessons fit easily into your daily routine and are also easy to remember. It's easy to use Babel.
It's easy for you to learn different words.

Speaker 2 Stuff like if you're in Germany and you need to be like, hey, where can I get some see-through laterhosen?

Speaker 2 You can learn that. If you go to Mexico City and you want to learn how to say, do you have any see-through laterhosen?

Speaker 2 In Mexico City, you can learn how to do that. I believe the Spanish word for laterhosen

Speaker 2 is laterhosen. And I learned that from Babel.

Speaker 2 Here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now, get up to 55% off your Babel subscription at babel.com forward slash left.
Get up to 55% off at babble.com forward slash left.

Speaker 2 Spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com forward slash left. Rules and restrictions may apply.

Speaker 2 Now, this was a pretty slow week

Speaker 2 because

Speaker 2 there was a thing called

Speaker 2 an erection. Yeah.
Yes. Thank you, Eddie.
I got an erection. You did.

Speaker 2 Just this week only. And we had to make sure his wife showed up.
We had to call her in. She was in Ohio.
Yeah. You know, it's good is because he won, there won't be any insurrectile dysfunction.

Speaker 2 Insurrectile dysfunction. Does that pun work? As going after the Capitol building? Insurrectile dysfunction? Eddie, I'm so tired.
I couldn't care less. You couldn't care less?

Speaker 2 That is a fucking good pun. Yep.

Speaker 2 If you think that's a good pun, I want you to write in at Brighter Side.

Speaker 2 The Brighter Side, LPN at gmail.com.

Speaker 2 So this is a story about freedom. Amen, baby.
And the thing is, is that, yeah, people are upset now, but you're going to be upset a lot. Monkey See

Speaker 2 Go, baby. Out there, dog.
This is in South Carolina. Fuck that state.
Yeah. They warn residents to lock their doors and windows after more than 40 monkeys escape from a research facility.

Speaker 2 Now, these guys are out there. They're just gone.

Speaker 2 There's some TikTok videos of these monkeys out there. They left.
They are specifically brought in. This is also one of these weird things that kind of make me sick.

Speaker 2 It's because obviously they got to try to find these guys because they're going to be biting people, but they're goofies. They're young.
They're cute. They're cute young ones.

Speaker 2 And they're like six, seven pounds. And they're extremely social and they're supposed to be very friendly.

Speaker 2 And the whole point of them, I guess, they said the reason why they even brought them in to be tested upon

Speaker 2 is

Speaker 2 it was for non-human primate products and bioresearch services. Yeah.

Speaker 2 The alpha genesis. The brain disorders.
That's what they said they were going to be working on. Alpha Genesis Incorporated.
I'm on their website right now. They're primate research specialists.

Speaker 2 Yeah, look at that. Oh, wow.
Look at that. And they said the the U.S.

Speaker 2 Centers for Disease Control and Prevention confirmed in a statement that the monkeys were previously living on Morgan Island as free-range monkeys so just living their life having a nice time and they were brought to the alpha genesis facility which just sounds really friendly and fun alpha genesis incorporated provides the highest quality non-human product primate products and bioresearch services worldwide what does that even mean is that like giving them like hats and shoes and and clothes i have no idea with a client base that extends across north america europe and asia we are dedicated to providing only the best and most cost-effective primate research and development support to the scientific community.

Speaker 2 You know what I don't like on there? The word cost-effective.

Speaker 2 Seems like that. I feel like if I was a monkey, I wouldn't want to hear that.

Speaker 2 Maybe we should go

Speaker 2 certain cutting costs. They said they were supposed to be there to be conditioned to be around people.
Oh. So they got exactly what they wanted.
There's now 13 still at large.

Speaker 2 And these monkeys, they're cute as hell.

Speaker 2 And Rob did bring up a thing right before I said, I will find it interesting to see if there are any cryptid reports from here on out from the forests of South Carolina because these macaques are out there causing a lot of, you know, causing a kerfluffle.

Speaker 2 And people are going to go look. They're going to see a little monkey on there.
And then you got a couple of shots of ripple and you, you're going to turn into a Bigfoot.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I don't know if they're going to make it through the winter, though.

Speaker 2 You know, it gets cold in South Carolina. No, they'll die by suicide.
There's a bunch of monkeys that got loose in Davey, Florida. And you see people in Florida have seen them a couple times.

Speaker 2 A couple of my friends swear they saw them. I've never seen them.
But the rumor is how they got loose: well, there were two incidents. Hurricane Andrew fucking destroyed Monkey Jungle.
And then also,

Speaker 2 when they were filming, this is a rumor. I don't know how true this is, but I love spreading it.

Speaker 2 Is when they were filming Tarzan in the 50s, at the end of the movie, they just let all the monkeys go. Tracks.

Speaker 2 I believe that. I more than believe that.
I think that

Speaker 2 if you were a real ally right now, what I'd do is if you see one of these macaques by the highway,

Speaker 2 drive them down to Florida.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just drive them down to Florida, man.
Just drop, just drop them out, man. Just like,

Speaker 2 like, just let them go because, because guess who deserves it? Florida. Go drop off all of these monkeys.
Anything lives down there. Everything lives down there.

Speaker 2 That's why all your grandparents are there because they're trying to live. They're for some reason.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So just know that we're all going down there.
Just send all the macaques down there. Let them go.
Like, there's no reason for them to not.

Speaker 2 You got to feed the python something. They got to enjoy Miami.
That's right, all right. Let him go out there, they're cute as hell.
If you get one, yeah, a couple of them.

Speaker 2 And I'm gonna just say this: like, we a little bit of an update in the story of Peanut the Squirrel is that I did get an insider information from somebody that doesn't want to be revealed that said that essentially they didn't have a bunch of permits that they needed to have, which is kind of led to the it wasn't the OnlyFans Karen thing necessarily.

Speaker 2 That's just a side quest for him. They definitely needed more permits for that, but you know, like

Speaker 2 as much as it's against every single regulation,

Speaker 2 scoop up that macaque, take it home, because it's 2024 and the rules don't matter. Yeah, man, free this motherfucker.
You don't want to go back to goddamn.

Speaker 2 I mean, they're going to bite the living fuck out of you and they're going to eat one of your kids' face or bite one of their ears off, but what do you care? Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know, because you like the chaos. Just get the cappuccine put in your house.
I can't believe that they have a place called Alpha Genesis Incorporated in South Carolina. My

Speaker 2 vet father-in-law,

Speaker 2 veterinarian,

Speaker 2 said that there has never been a squirrel with rabies. This is what I was reading about, too.
They said that apparently it is not, I guess, impossible for a squirrel to get rabies, maybe.

Speaker 2 But there's very little of it. Yeah, he said he's never even heard of it all his years.
I wonder why. Because they're quick.

Speaker 2 Well, I mean, a lot of people are quick. Also, if you're curious about jobs at Alpha Genesis Incorporated,

Speaker 2 I'm looking at their job opportunities. They're currently hiring a new animal care manager.
I wonder why. I wonder why.
I wonder why. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 Hey, see here, right here, apparently, they still, they can get rabies, but it's very rare.

Speaker 2 Very, very rare. You got to be careful with that.
So, I mean, I don't think these monkeys,

Speaker 2 they're, I can't,

Speaker 2 just let them be free. They are going to be now.
You got to go get them. I don't know what they do to these poor guys.

Speaker 2 But then I did read about too, is that to get, that is also what's really sad about rabies testing is they do have to kill the animal to do it. Because it's only brain tissue.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 No, they have to find, yeah.

Speaker 2 But why how come they don't have to kill us to find out if we have rabies? Because we're going,

Speaker 2 well, apparently, once you're already doing that, you're dead. Yes.
I mean, no one has survived rabies. Yeah, you can't.
Once you show signs of rabies, you're dead. Yes.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Which is fucking cool to see. It's kind of metal.
Did you see how they used to to give you raby shots? Yeah. It'd be super long.

Speaker 2 Right in your stomach. Yeah, very bad.
Like a long needle right in your fucking stomach. That's how you did it.
My mom had to get one. They were horrible.
Really? Yes.

Speaker 2 Why did she get one? She got bit by a dog as a kid. Oh, okay.
I was going to say, she was bit by your father.

Speaker 2 He was just a boomer.

Speaker 2 Can't be upset with him. Now, this is another.
Talk about being upset with a father. This is a story in this day and age I find extremely inspiring.
And

Speaker 2 this guy gets it.

Speaker 2 Ryan Borgwart.

Speaker 2 What's that? Missing Father of Three faked his disappearance in a kayak accident and he fled to Europe. Oh, yeah.
Now, this guy is awesome. I had no idea Uzbekistan was in Europe.
You know what?

Speaker 2 I didn't either.

Speaker 2 We learn stuff every day. We learn stuff every day on this show.
So this was on August 12th, around 5.32 local time.

Speaker 2 Deputies initially responded to a missing person's call and they went looking for this guy, Ryan Borgwart. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And they went to go his vehicle and trailer were found later parked in the area of Dodge Memorial Park. And his last known location was the Green Lake.
Certainly dodging his family.

Speaker 2 Yeah, fucking, yeah, dude.

Speaker 2 He missed me with that. And I mean, having responsibilities.

Speaker 2 Around an hour after the alarm was first raised, authorities found a capsized kayak in the western part of the lake in an area where the water is around 220 feet deep. It was that easy.

Speaker 2 They found his, the fisherman found his fishing rod, his tackle box was found, they found his wallet, his keys, and then they were like, well, he must be dead, right?

Speaker 2 During the news conference, they realized that on August 24th, a team of experienced divers and search dogs were brought in to help look for Barn Wort.

Speaker 2 He has three kids,

Speaker 2 and they could not find anything. But on August 7th, Sheriff Brudo said, Podall said he met with his team and they decided the search had to go in a different direction.

Speaker 2 They were trying to go find different areas. And now they're pretty fucking certain that he is gone because his report, because that was the thing.
They delve further.

Speaker 2 Borgwart had reported his passport missing and obtained a replacement on May 22nd before all of this happened. Okay, so, I mean, but May 22nd to August isn't, it's not closed.
Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

Speaker 2 I feel like that's, you know, some of this stuff, I mean, like, he could be at the bottom of this lake.

Speaker 2 But he was communicating with a woman in Uzbekistan ahead of his vanishing, and he taken out a $375,000 life insurance policy in January.

Speaker 2 That's what the thing is, that it got paid out, and then he left town. Well, he left out, or somehow he got this money.

Speaker 2 I think it was for his family. Yes.
Yeah, so they have something when he leaves. I guess you just went, decided to go be with this Uzbekistan woman.

Speaker 2 But she's just got to be, she's just got a fucking tight-ass krushk, and she knows how to suck that klischk. Isn't she really? Isn't the opposite? Don't they always want to come here?

Speaker 2 Isn't it the whole thing?

Speaker 2 You know what happens a lot of times is that what he'll do is he'll lie to the woman saying, I'm going to bring you to America once I get over there to kind of help you and do stuff.

Speaker 2 And then he gets over there and he goes, wonder if I'm hiding from my family. Yeah.
And then he has a bunch of American money and it's fine. Oh, interesting.

Speaker 2 I've heard that Uzbekistan is surprisingly welcoming. Really? Yeah.
Like if you go over there,

Speaker 2 you'll be walking around and people are like, come over for dinner.

Speaker 2 It's kind of like that. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Families welcome you into their houses and stuff. Sounds lovely.
That's what I've heard. I don't know if it's true or not.

Speaker 2 I've never been to, I didn't even, I don't, to be honest, I'm looking at even on this map that you're showing, and I don't know where that is. Yeah.
Is it the bottom of Europe?

Speaker 2 People magazine. Or is that in the Middle East?

Speaker 2 Is that Europe or the Middle East? Oh, my God. We're fucking stupid.
It's Asia. No, it's Europe.
We are fucking so fucking stupid. Yeah.
The two of us are the dumbest fucks.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry. I haven't learned about Uzbekistan yet.
None of us know. It's you and me.
It's not just you, buddy. I don't know a fucking thing about maps.
Yeah. I don't know where stuff is.

Speaker 2 Then I don't care. There you go.
That's what I've been waiting for.

Speaker 2 That's what I wanted. And you know why? If I need to know, go look it up.
I'm going to go to the bathroom and take a Tuzbekistan. That's it.
Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.
That's a shit.

Speaker 2 The sheriff is pleading, says Ryan. If you're viewing this, I plead with you.
Contact us or contact your family.

Speaker 2 And while he's sitting there enjoying his camel milk, being like, I'm not going back to fucking America. I got it all here.
I got nothing but aluminum foil mines and delicious snarshk.

Speaker 2 And then I could sit here with my beautiful one-eyed wife that got saved from whatever local skirmish is going on. I think that they're beautiful over there.

Speaker 2 I hope. Good.
I know they are. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So this guy, you know,

Speaker 2 someone who gets it, at least.

Speaker 2 I want to do this guy's plan.

Speaker 2 He also lazily faked his own death. Yeah.
If he did, now they're going to be like, he could end up dead. He was on a kayak.
He was exercising.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but he just like flipped it over and he says, oopsie. He got out of there.
I mean, it seems like he did a lot of work. No, he didn't.

Speaker 2 If he did do a lot of work, what he would have done is taken, well, we've done, we talked about this with the the krugersdorp cult they did a lot of work he would take a man of another race he would strip as much skin off of his face that he could he would set him on fire inside of the kayak and then push it over the fucking side that's what you do there's no corpse what it needs is like what we need here is a corpse what if this is like an elaborate advertisement for kayak.com's uh travel agency hey you know

Speaker 2 take a trip all the way from your family like that would be big honestly that'd be huge for kayaks. What a good way to just like

Speaker 2 a kayak is a key to not be a father anymore. Yeah.
Sign me

Speaker 2 up.

Speaker 2 So my favorite story this week is a Labradoodle has helped solve its owner's murder. That's what it said.
Its owner's murder. I thought it said Labradoodle helped solve its own murder.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, what in the living fuck is this article about? Like, what does that even mean? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Texas woman Mandy Rose Reynolds was murdered by a very bad man, prosecutors say, but her very good dog helped her catch the killer. How'd he do it?

Speaker 2 The dog, a labradoodle named Titan, was found at the site in Robinson, Texas, where Reynolds' body was found burned beyond recognition in April of last year.

Speaker 2 The dog barked frantically at officers and refused to leave the area of the body, but also refused to allow police to capture it.

Speaker 2 the a citizen found the dog at the same spot the next day called animal control who were who determined that titan was microtripped and belonged to reynolds police went to reynolds home and discovered that all of the 26 year olds possessions had been removed they tracked your honda accord to wichita kansas where her cousin 29 year old derek diegenault who knows was arrested after a high-speed chase investigators determined that he shot reynolds before burning her body in a plastic container.

Speaker 2 He was sentenced to life in prison last week.

Speaker 2 And the keys to this case were the heroic dog named Titan and extraordinarily cooperation between law enforcement agencies in multiple jurisdictions and states.

Speaker 2 The jury deliberated for around 40 minutes before sentencing him to life.

Speaker 2 After the trial, Culvert said that Dagonaut did to Reynolds, shooting her in the head and driving her body to McLennan County and setting her on fire like a piece of trash was enough to justify the life sentence.

Speaker 2 Dude, it's Scooby-Doo! I know. And labradoodles are supposed to be stupid.
And labradoodles are actually bad for dogs, too.

Speaker 2 They're bad because of the genetic manipulation that they've had over all these years. The man who invented labradoodle says he regrets it.
Yeah, sure, whatever. But at the same time, they're cute.

Speaker 2 They are a lot of dogs. Yeah,

Speaker 2 and they're, you know,

Speaker 2 hyperallogenic. Well, this is the thing.
You know, people want a big dog, but they don't want a fucking poodle. What do you do? I don't know.
Labradoodle. Labradoodle.
But

Speaker 2 you go. So the dog refused to be captured and then just took them back to the victim's home.
It just kept going to where the body was burned because apparently, I guess it saw it.

Speaker 2 Traumatized. Yeah.
And so it kept going to the place where they found the body. And then they found out when they chipped the dog that it was hers.

Speaker 2 And then when they went to her apartment, she was missing. And then they put two and two together.
That's what it is. They couldn't identify the body.
Yes. So the dog identified the body.
The dog.

Speaker 2 Well, the dog didn't solve the crime.

Speaker 2 No, the dog was a witness. And then he told everybody.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Titan was a good boy. That was a good boy.
And so he's been sent to be destroyed?

Speaker 2 Actually, I think he's going to be stripping for Tootsie this week. Whoa, yes.
We got to get him. We're going to shave him and jerk him off in front of my little girl Tootsie.

Speaker 2 Come on, let Tootsie have a thrill.

Speaker 2 Do you think that Tootsie gets horny anymore? I don't think so. But sometimes she gets Randy with Rambo a little bit and then jumps on him and kind of attacks him a little bit.
That's disgusting.

Speaker 2 And then he just sits there. That's his brother.
What is this? That's her brother. I mean, her nephew, probably, if you really want to get into it.
Yeah, sure.

Speaker 2 My sister. I still find it disgusting.
Yeah. In that way, I find it disgusting.

Speaker 2 There's another man who doesn't find stuff like that disgusting.

Speaker 2 Live from North Way.

Speaker 2 Acorns and little eggs. Acorns and tree eggs.

Speaker 2 So many people are focused on where their money is today. Me too.
Mine's in a bucket or covered with my filth. Acorns is the financial wellness app that cares about where your money is going tomorrow.

Speaker 2 Thanks, Acorns. And with the Acorns Potential screen, you can find out what your money is capable of.
It's incapable of being president.

Speaker 2 Acorns is a smart way to give your money a chance to grow. Sign up now, and Acorns will boost your new account with a $5 bonus investment.

Speaker 2 Join the over 14 million all-time customers who have already saved and invested over $27 billion with Acorns. Head to acorns.com/slash left or download the Acorns app to get started.

Speaker 2 Paid non-client endorsement. Compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns.
Tier 2 compensation provided.

Speaker 2 Potential subject of various factors such as customers' accounts, age, and investment settings. This does not include Acorn's fees.

Speaker 2 Results do not predict or represent the performance of any Acorns portfolio. Investment results will vary.
Investing involves risk. Acorns Advisors LLC, an SEC registered investment advisor.

Speaker 2 View important disclosures at acorns.com/slash left.

Speaker 1 Hi, I'm Jenny Slate. And believe it or not, someone is allowing us to have a podcast.

Speaker 2 I'm Gabe Leidman.

Speaker 3 I'm Max Silvestri. And we've been friends for 20 years.
And we like to reach out to kind of get advice on how to live our lives.

Speaker 4 It's called I Need You Guys.

Speaker 3 Should I give my baby fresh vegetables?

Speaker 1 Can I drink the water at the hospital?

Speaker 4 My landlord plays the trombone, and I can't ask him to stop.

Speaker 5 You should make sure that you subscribe so that you never miss an episode.

Speaker 2 I need you, girl.

Speaker 2 When you need eye-catching content fast, use Adobe Express, the quick and easy app to create on-brand content.

Speaker 2 Make visually consistent social posts, presentations, videos, and more with brand kits and lockable templates. Edit, resize, and even translate, all in just a click.

Speaker 2 And use Firefly-powered generative AI features to create commercially safe content content with confidence. Start creating with Adobe Express at adobe.com slash go slash express.

Speaker 2 I've been talking about this for years. It is now, it is getting Jackie technically started on page seven, but it continues to go.
And now it is, it's out there, man.

Speaker 2 Tom Cruise has sex with whole uncut fish. And I would not be surprised.
I know everybody's been joking. I mean, they're gutted.
Well, he fucks their bellies. Yeah, but they're gutted.

Speaker 2 He buys them at a store. Yeah.
Make holes in them to be fucked. And so he does this, and a part of the, like, it's everywhere now.
It's now out on the internet. It's funny now because

Speaker 2 I've been saying it for fun in games, and it's fun to do this towards a mega celebrity who can't really even fight all the various whack-a-mole things that are said about them at all times. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But with the P. Deaddy stuff, I actually kind of even wonder if this is kind of some of the stuff he has.
Because they talk about what he has on all of these various hard drives.

Speaker 2 He has all this dirt on everybody. So we'll see if this is one of them.
But at first, you're like, oh, you know, what a silly thing.

Speaker 2 But then you look at it and you're like, no, people are selling pictures. And this is a guy, one of them.
It's a guy named Hamid Faris, 44. And this is in London Town.
Well, before we go

Speaker 2 into this story, which is

Speaker 2 perfect for side stories.

Speaker 2 Tom, I'm going to go back to the Tom Cruise thing for two seconds. Yes.
Morally,

Speaker 2 the fish is dead. There's no about...
This isn't moral. This is about morality.
He buys the dead fish. This is not about crimes and victims.
This is about behavior. It's not illegal.

Speaker 2 But it's still like...

Speaker 2 Frowned upon for sure. I do think, maybe I'm wrong.
Wouldn't he stink?

Speaker 2 No, he washes right after. And it's just his dick and balls.
Well, doesn't he do it at the grocery store and they find the fish all mangled in the bathroom?

Speaker 2 Sometimes he also sometimes does it in his limo.

Speaker 2 And so his limo might smell like it, but I think that he washes. And I think you'd actually be surprised.
Really good quality whole uncut fish doesn't have that bad of a smell.

Speaker 2 And then I, you know, for the most part, it is.

Speaker 2 I'm sure he gets the best stuff.

Speaker 2 He's getting good stuff, whatever he's getting. And

Speaker 2 something I think that just calms him. I don't even know if it's sexual.
I think that he does it to prove how gay he's not in his own mind, that he's so not gay he could have sex with a fish.

Speaker 2 Oh, okay. But that's not how that works either.
If you were to fuck a fish, what fish?

Speaker 2 Can't say a mammal.

Speaker 2 Can't say a mammal. I'm gonna say.
Salmon. Salmon.
Straight up.

Speaker 2 The Pam Anderson of fish. It is.
I mean, it's sexy.

Speaker 2 Well, it's actually an ugly fish in the face. None of them are attractive.
Some fish are more attractive than other fish. I hate this.
A salmon's face is repulsive. You really think that's the same.

Speaker 2 And when they swim upstream, they're just skin. I mean this.
You really think that there are some, I mean, pass your character on the show.

Speaker 2 I think a largemouth bass is way more attractive than a salmon. Absolutely.
Beautiful fish. Side stories, L-P-O-T-L at gmail.com.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 All right, click on this, Rob. It says, what's the most fuckable fish, according to X?

Speaker 2 I don't formally know by the way.

Speaker 2 Or like a... Or a sponge would be a good fuck.
Or sea cucumber. That'd be a good fuck.
What is it showing? Oh, it's just a fish. Oh, it's just that.
You got it. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 You got it. You got a bad bit for the salmon.
You got my bass.

Speaker 2 Just some dude in the ocean with his shirt off. You know what I'd fuck? That'd be a funny bit, though.
Starfish. Starfish, really? Jellyfish? Wow, salmon's up there.
How is jellyfish...

Speaker 2 Because they think that you can ball it up, even though it's poison. So is bass, by the way.
But striped bass, not largemouth. Striped bass.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I guess maybe it's the same thing. I don't know.
I don't think so. Yes.
Yeah, probably. All right, so this guy,

Speaker 2 he has a bunch of pictures of it. And he was found with it.
He was a charity volunteer.

Speaker 2 They called it extreme porn. And I call it,

Speaker 2 what are you going to call it? Noah's porn.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Right? This is Noah's porn.
Besides having his daughters in there, right? They showed adults having sex with live animals, a court herd. How do you know? It was a picture.

Speaker 2 Hamid Faris was sent five sickening bestiality images by his so-called friend.

Speaker 2 Now, North Staffordshire, Justin Center, heard the pictures portrayed a person having intercourse with a live animal. They included a fish, chicken, dog, and monkey.
The court was told.

Speaker 2 There's five pictures, so one of those animals was featured twice.

Speaker 2 Popular.

Speaker 2 Now, they said that he says a friend sent me these, and I don't know what it is, and he thought it was disgusting.

Speaker 2 But then he showed everyone else, and they told on him. Yes.

Speaker 2 But he said when they were first sent to him, he said, this is disgusting. I can't even believe that you would send me a video of a man and a fish saved a photophile.

Speaker 2 I can't believe that you would do that.

Speaker 2 He does not remember receiving the images, according to him. You can only assume they were sent by the same person.
And they were not downloaded by him. They were sent by someone else.

Speaker 2 Now, I don't think that it helps, but the fact that there are, you know what it was that for so long, everyone's like, oh, no one's having sex with fish. No one's having sex with fish.

Speaker 2 They definitely are. Well, we saw that we did.
We were having sex with the fish in Australia. Yes, we did.

Speaker 2 We saw that. Does that mean we are in trouble?

Speaker 2 We definitely

Speaker 2 emailed it to each other. Is that not worse? No, it was on the news than this? No, it was on the news.
But still,

Speaker 2 what if this was on the news? Then it wouldn't be, if pictures were on the news, then it wouldn't be bad.

Speaker 2 We did all this research of the West Memphis 3 and all it shows are these horribly mutilated corpses of these little boys. Man, they really show the fucking pictures of those boys.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so they really do. So, yeah, I think we can handle maybe someone having their dick inside of a fish.
I think that we could maybe handle someone's getting their pussy eaten out by a fish.

Speaker 2 I'd rather someone fuck a fish than a person against its will.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 When you added the caveat, yeah.

Speaker 2 When you finally said the thing that made it not a disturbing sentence, I can agree with you. Sure.
But no, yeah. Up until then, I'd still prefer watching a human.
What is this picture, Rob?

Speaker 2 That's a carp. It's a carp's pussy.
It's a carp's vagina or a carp's mouth. Oh, it's his mouth.
Mm. Yeah, I guess, yeah, you could really, you can really go to town on that one.

Speaker 2 You can be a real fucking. No teeth in there, huh? No, man.
No, they're pulled back. No, there's no teeth.
You can be a real Dennis Rodman on that thing.

Speaker 2 No teeth. Yeah, you could slippity-slam that thing, fucking teach it a lesson or two.
Yeah. Carp's smart fish.

Speaker 2 Not if it fucking finds out that it's fucking mouth super fuckable, then it's going to be dead. It's going to be a dead smart fish.

Speaker 2 Unless it's going to be a rich.

Speaker 2 Well, what's more, the reason why I even wanted to talk about this story is just the fact that we haven't talked about humans fucking animals in a minute at least a month.

Speaker 2 And I just think that with the current election season, we're allowed. Yeah, I think we can come back and talk a little bit, but it's more this is the news that we got this week.

Speaker 2 This is the news we received this week.

Speaker 2 I just think that it's more common than we thought it was, and that people taking pictures of them fucking them fucking the fish is like way more

Speaker 2 common than we thought it was. But is it weird to say

Speaker 2 this might get me in trouble? Sure. But for some reason in my mind, when I'm thinking bestiality,

Speaker 2 like if you're fucking a fish, Rob, don't look at me. When you're fucking a fish, like, is it really for pleasure? Look how ugly a salmon is.
Oh, God. Tell me that's not a fucking hideous.

Speaker 2 I'm just so happy that it was just a fish. Yeah, yeah.
I didn't know what you were going to look up.

Speaker 2 But for some reason for me, when it's man on fish, it doesn't feel like bestiality. But I know it is.
It is. Yeah.
But it doesn't feel like it.

Speaker 2 Is it because they're cold-blooded? I think there's something about a fish that's like way less relatable.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Like a big fish? You can't really talk to them. Well, no.
And they don't know that you're there, really. And I don't think that a fish gets...
Side stories, L-PO-TLAGmail.com.

Speaker 2 Does a fish get traumatized if you fuck its mouth? You can train a fish.

Speaker 2 To suck dick? No, I mean, to take treats. To suck dick.
I mean,

Speaker 2 all right, here. Yeah, anything can take treats.
They're small. Can it take a fucking dick in its mouth? Look at this.
And survive. All right, look at this video I got here.

Speaker 2 And you tell me if fish could take, take. This almost made the stream.
But this guy here, he just feeds these catfish with a spoon. And they just come and they find him and they love him.
That's cute.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but he easily could just put his dick in one of these fish's mouths. Yeah, but they'll start chewing on it.

Speaker 2 It's not going to, it's not going to be. He's straightening up to fucking clamp down on.
I I don't think it's going to be super.

Speaker 2 He's surrounded by these things and he's like petting them like they're dogs. It's really weird.
Yeah, that is strange. He definitely has a full-on.
Why is he feeding catfish with a spoon?

Speaker 2 Well, because he used to be a fisherman, but he was bad at it. And so now he just feeds them.
So how he just makes them congregate. I used to be a fisherman, but now I'm just a fish party promoter.

Speaker 2 That's what I do.

Speaker 2 He's a friend of the fish. He strokes him, he grabs them, he hugs.
Oh, yeah, he's hugging them. They don't know they're being hugged.
They're thrashing around.

Speaker 2 Fish don't know what's happening, man. Look, he's kissing it.
He kissed it. He kissed it.
He kissed it. He kissed it on the mouth.
I'm done with this. He's kissed it.
I told you.

Speaker 2 He is grooming these fish. This is where this begins.
Yeah. This is where this begins.
This is catfish grooming. These fish are getting catfish.

Speaker 2 They don't understand that they're going to all be raped by this man. Rob, you found them.
I wanted to know. How did you find them? Spoon feeding a catfish.

Speaker 2 This man is literally grooming the fish. Yeah, he loves them.
Yeah, he's like fucking,

Speaker 2 what's his name from Penn State? Jerry Sandusky. He has

Speaker 2 Jerry Fischki. These aren't poor fish.
Jerry,

Speaker 2 Jerry Fischki.

Speaker 2 Jerry Sandfishki. This is the show now, folks.

Speaker 2 This is the show.

Speaker 2 This is what we're doing now. This is the longest coverage we've done on a story all day.

Speaker 2 This is it.

Speaker 2 It's not going to always be like this. We're talking about...
People start killing their families again. These are issues.
Yeah. Yeah,

Speaker 2 we're going to have a family.

Speaker 2 All of the horrible people had a great week. They didn't kill their families this week.
They were so, yeah. The horrible people were going to be a little bit different.

Speaker 2 Next week, people will be killing families again and everything will be fine. The horror people, people were too busy celebrating last week to make news for this week.
Yeah, they're going to be back.

Speaker 2 They're going to be back and we're going to have it all be horrible again. And it's already been.

Speaker 2 It's already been. We didn't talk about the man accused of attempting to use a weapon of mass destruction to destroy a Nashville energy facility, but that was just because he didn't get it.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And, you know, we all hate a failure. Everyone's got a plan.
Everybody's got a plan. The follow-through makes the news.

Speaker 2 He was trying to blow up a bunch of this guy, Skylar Phillippey, a real skibbity toilet fucking moron, brackly-headed piece of shit, Zoomer. Oh, he's a gunman.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 He went out there and he wanted to attack a bunch of Nashville substations using drones with the explosives attached to him.

Speaker 2 But again, much like most of the, most, some of the people in his generation, he fucked it up. Yeah.

Speaker 2 and so he did not do it well he's arrested he's gonna go to jail forever how about um speaking of young people um having uh you know weird things happening to them uh mattel accidentally puts a porn website on the barbie packaging for the wicked these guys fucking movie deserve whatever happens to them they put this wicked movie it can suck my fucking dick i'm actually very excited to see it good i'm glad you want to see it why would you not want to see it because i love it have you listened to Wicked?

Speaker 2 I have never heard it. No, I've never seen it live.
Sucks. People love it.
Yeah, sure. People love Donald Trump.
Man, I went and saw Back to the Future the musical this week. That was really bad.

Speaker 2 You always bet. It was really bad.
All of these music, none of these guys got. I was like,

Speaker 2 there's no reason to make it. At least Wicked is an original.
I'm being grumpy today. I'm being grumpy.
It's fine. It's just not for me.
And then also,

Speaker 2 Ariana Grande sucks. Boca zone.
She's a boca alum. She.
Boca, I love love you, Ariana. Socks.
Yeah, I like you. She's a very

Speaker 2 theorivo. She's a great girl.
Arrivo, she's great. Is that her real name? The Wicked Witch.

Speaker 2 She's a great actor. She's great.
She is great. We'll see how that goes.
But yeah, they accidentally put wicked.com.

Speaker 2 And for those of us from the 90s into the early 2000s, we know wicked.com has nothing to do with the movie.

Speaker 2 Wickedmovie.com is what they were supposed to do, but instead they put wicked.com on a bunch of boxes for Mattel. And it just sounded like it just took them all to the straight-up crazy hardcore porn.

Speaker 2 And they should actually deal with it. At least they didn't go to evilangel.com.
Can we go to wicked.com real quick?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, I want to see what the uh honestly want to see what the kids are looking at these days. Whoa, did they take it down?

Speaker 2 Oh, no, good. That's the work, the work firewall saying why are you doing some work? All right, yeah, you're right.
Rob's a document. Yep.

Speaker 2 See, there's no titties, though. No, there's no titties on this front.
There's nothing.

Speaker 2 It's just an advertisement for porn. They didn't actually go straight straight to porn.

Speaker 2 They sell porn. You can send it.
Yeah, this is not even that bad. This is not even that bad.
This is really not even that bad of a website. So you have to buy it in order to see it.

Speaker 2 It's more just the terminology that they would have to have their parents explain, like just the tip and

Speaker 2 where my bussy is. It's in the back.
They have this other thing called the Hunger Games. Vantasia? Yeah, the Hunger Fugging Games or whatever.
It's like, yeah, Vantasia. They don't know what this is.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Why is she the talk of the town? Because she gapes.
But the kids don't know that. They don't put that on the cover.
Sunny Gold Melons. Yeah, they love curves.
So do a lot of people.

Speaker 2 The circles curves and apples curves. This doesn't, this site doesn't show anything worse than a JC Penny catalog.
It really doesn't. And I've jerked off the JC Penny catalogs dirtier than this.

Speaker 2 Yeah, absolutely. Physically dirtier.
Well, when you start doing the collage work yourself and gluing the breasts from, you know, you take them from somewhere else. I don't like to make a woman.

Speaker 2 I don't like her feet. I'm going to use the other woman's feet.
I'm going to cut her feet off. I'm going to put the other woman's feet on.
I hate her head. I'm going to cut her fucking head off.

Speaker 2 Put a new head on there. I think this is good.

Speaker 2 People should be paying for porn. I do believe that as well.
I think they should. If you're going to watch it, obviously you don't want to get caught with your credit card receipts or whatever.

Speaker 2 What does it matter?

Speaker 2 What does it fucking matter if you got caught with your credit card receipt to do a fucking legit porn site?

Speaker 2 I feel like it's better if you can buy it. You know, it's safer for the actors.

Speaker 2 And the more private it goes, the more it'll be able to be hidden from the various Project 2025 stuff that's going to happen. Are they really going to get rid of porn?

Speaker 2 They love porn. They'll try.
You think so? They're not allowed to pay. You're telling me Donald Trump don't watch porn.
He can't. He doesn't maintain an erection anymore.

Speaker 2 I would say doesn't mean you don't stare at it. No, I think that

Speaker 2 they would try.

Speaker 2 I think they're going to try, but we'll see.

Speaker 2 Because they just don't understand that it's in the plan.

Speaker 2 Oh, now we're just looking at pornography. Yeah, now this is.
No, yeah, Robbie's just looking at pornography.

Speaker 2 Yeah, when you Google Wicked Doc and image search it with the safe search off, then you see fake breasts. I will say, I do like a nice, mature woman, and they lead with them.

Speaker 2 You certainly aren't youngsters. Oh, that could be Rob's algorithm.
Yeah, this could be it. I don't know.
It's probably. It is quite possibly though.

Speaker 2 We shall see, Edward. Yes.
We shall see. Will the nation continue to masturbate? Yes.
But will they do it on the solemn watchful eye of their Mac screen? Yes.

Speaker 2 Real quick, as quick shout out to Hvaldomir, the beluga. Remember we talked about him on the show not too long ago because he died.

Speaker 2 He choked down a stick and he died because he was a spy from Russia and then he ate a stick and everyone liked him and he died. He's got a dock.
So congrats. I can't wait to watch your dock.

Speaker 2 We'll see. I'm very excited.
It's, you know, it's one of those.

Speaker 2 Hopefully it really does reveal all of their sexual allegations.

Speaker 2 I don't know what else they're really going to go at.

Speaker 2 I don't know what we're coming for on Hvaldomir. Is Voldemir going to get canceled? It doesn't matter.
Well, he's already a Russian spy and people like him, so I don't think he can get canceled.

Speaker 2 People love Russian spies.

Speaker 2 We love them.

Speaker 2 We just...

Speaker 2 They're fun. Yeah, we just elected one to be president.
They're sexy.

Speaker 2 Oh, the secrets of the spy whale. Yep.
Well,

Speaker 2 I don't know what his secrets are. He's a whale, so.

Speaker 2 I don't really know what he was going to say in the first place and what he even knew. And he choked on the stick.
I can't wait to watch it. Oh, I can't wait to watch it.

Speaker 2 I like all different characters of whales.

Speaker 2 So go and check us out. We got to, you know, live every day knowing that you never knew what was coming anyway, huh? Right? And you're going to love that for yourself.

Speaker 2 And you're going to laugh your way all the way to the nut house of the fucking emergency room. That's the only thing you can do.

Speaker 2 It's great. This has been a perfect flawless

Speaker 2 episode. This has been a perfect episode.
We'll be back. We'll be back.
Yeah, we're going to have more of these episodes. There'll be, yeah, something will happen this week.
Oh, no.

Speaker 2 We're going to have a bunch of stuff. We technically still talked about a lot of stuff.
No, I mean, this was news. Yeah.
And we pulled it from news sites.

Speaker 2 We did our research. I read the article.
I'm on Newser. Yeah, we saw stuff.
We could talk about nothing.

Speaker 2 But we're.

Speaker 2 Because we're good. You can go to lastpodgestamoth.com, see us live, please.
We have so many fun shows coming up, and we are really, honestly, we're having so much fucking fun, and they're all great.

Speaker 2 So go check that out. Yes, we're coming to the Wiltern

Speaker 2 last week. We are coming to to Brooklyn.
It's still on the website.

Speaker 2 We're coming to Brooklyn on December 7th, the King's Theater, Atlanta on January 11th, the Coca-Cola Roxy. We are coming to Grand Prairie, Texas.
That's Dallas. That's Dallas.

Speaker 2 At the Texas Trust CU Theater on February 22nd. March 14th, we are coming for you, Nashville, at the Ryman Auditorium.
Can't wait. We can't wait for that.
We should really...

Speaker 2 I'm telling you now, I want to do a Knoxville show attached to that.

Speaker 2 We're going to work on it. Let's work on it, please.
If you're in the Knoxville area with a big theater, you let us know.

Speaker 2 Detroit, Michigan, the Masonic, April 18th, two days before

Speaker 2 4.20.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we're going to be there. We're going to have a lot of fun.
Yeah. And so we are going to have a, just know,

Speaker 2 probably bring our own weed to Detroit. Don't they sell it though? They smoke it.
Oh, yeah. But it's kind of, you know.
We'll get there. They got to get there.

Speaker 2 I got a feeling Detroit's got some fucking cush. You know who we can buy?

Speaker 2 Toronto's got good weed, and we're gonna be there on may 3rd it definitely is fine if someone could please tell me where's the good ups in detroit yeah side stories lpot all gmail.com because i went to one dispensary and i wasn't super jazzed in detroit yeah oh really i walked there yeah at a 45 minute walk from downtown you what well that's why you weren't super jazzed no it was great once i got there i'll tell you what people were

Speaker 2 shockingly friendly. Like I was walking down the street.
I was in the middle of nowhere. And I started realizing, oh I shouldn't be doing this maybe

Speaker 2 and there was a barren field and there was a bush and I mean this was a bush and a barren field

Speaker 2 barren and bush together

Speaker 2 and there was a man

Speaker 2 cartoonishly crouched behind the bush as if he was hiding okay and he was there the whole time and then as I got close to him he popped up and went hi

Speaker 2 And I just waved at him and just went right back behind the bush.

Speaker 2 Detroit. Nice guy.
Woman spit all over there. Like, she did a kind of vomit, spit in front of me from a wheelchair.
She was like,

Speaker 2 she went, I'm sorry. All right.
Police.

Speaker 2 It's better than Seattle. Honestly, it's extremely nice.
Man, I mean, Detroit's an incredible city of love and strength. Men, free the RoboCop statue.

Speaker 2 They built a RoboCop statue. They funded a RoboCop.
Yeah, where is it? I thought it was up. No, they didn't.
They were going to put it in front of the science museum.

Speaker 2 And then at the last minute, they're like, nah, it's just sitting in a warehouse somewhere. Seriously? Yeah.

Speaker 2 It fucking freed the statue, man. It's got to go out someplace.
That's fucking awesome. 11 feet tall RoboCop statue is just sitting somewhere.
Man, waiting for a F.

Speaker 2 We got to go see that. Yes.
Oh, I wish we could go look at it. I know.
Put it at the Masonic. Yeah, that'd be cool.
Yeah. If someone got access to that, let us know.
Go to LBN TV on Twitch.

Speaker 2 Twitch.tv/slash LBN TV. Go see all the Twitches,

Speaker 2 a lot of stuff on there. Everything that is on there live then goes onto our YouTube page.
Go and watch it there.

Speaker 2 Next week, we have Good Pudd is coming back for a Thanksgiving special. Oh, very nice.
Very nice. Hoopa Googoo this week, baby.
Thursday night live on Twitch, on the LPN Twitch channel.

Speaker 2 It's going to be 6 p.m. Pacific, 9 p.m.
Eastern. Amber and I will go against contestant A and contestant B and be judged by the great honorable magistrate Schaefer.
Oh.

Speaker 2 Yes, and hail the great LD, our leader. Yes.
Yes, hail him. Yes.

Speaker 2 Love you guys.

Speaker 2 Stay good. Love you all.
Let's brighter side of it. Hail Satan.
Hail Voldemir. You know, hail.
Until we find out what this documentary digs up on him. So be careful who your heroes are.

Speaker 2 Well, Hail Titan the Labradoodle. Yep.
Looking for a home, by the way. Yeah, I'm hoping they don't immediately kill him.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Test them for rabies.

Speaker 2 Toss him in the blender.

Speaker 1 Hi, I'm Jenny Slate. And believe it or not, someone is allowing us to have a podcast.

Speaker 2 I'm Gabe Leidman.

Speaker 3 I'm Max Silvestri. And we've been friends for 20 years.
And we like to reach out to kind of get advice on how to live our lives.

Speaker 4 It's called I Need You Guys.

Speaker 3 Should I give my baby fresh vegetables?

Speaker 1 Can I drink the water at the hospital?

Speaker 4 My landlord plays the trombone, and I can't ask him to stop.

Speaker 5 You should make sure that you subscribe so that you never miss an episode.

Speaker 2 I need you, girl.

Speaker 7 Hey, neighbor. This holiday season, Birch Lane is here to help you celebrate with friends and family.

Speaker 7 From guest-ready dining tables to cozy sofas that fit the whole crew, our classic furniture and decor are crafted to last.

Speaker 7 And with fast-free delivery, you can be ready for holiday hosting in days, not weeks. So you can spend time on what matters most.
It's classic style for joyful living.

Speaker 7 Shop Birch Lane, a Wayfair specialty brand at birchlane.com.