Side Stories: Fishy Business

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Side stories?

That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories.
Yes. So Tootsie's turning 17.
Yes. Are you going to come to her birthday party? Only.
We're going to throw her a birthday party. We're going for it.
The only way I'm going to this birthday party. And I floated this to you while we were drunk the other night.
Yeah, what was it? I forgot. I still think it holds.
We got to get her a stripper. You're buying it.
Yeah. You got to get it for her.
Do you think that if you hired a male stripper for a 17-year-old dog and they arrived... I want them dressed like a dog.
Well, you have little ears on. I mean, no, I want a dog suit.
No, but we got to see his dick and his balls. Well, yeah, when he takes off the dog suit, we'll see his dick.
Because it'll be underneath the dog suit. That'll be, instead of clothes, either that or a mailman.
She fucking hates the mailman. She'll freak out.
Yeah, maybe she shouldn't see the mailman's dick.

I don't think that's well.

He's always listening to Rogan real loud when he walks up, too.

But is it like an issue for a stripper to do a lap dance for a cute little puppy?

In terms of a very old puppy.

Yes, she's 17.

That's technically underage.

But it's more like she's like technically 119 years old, according to the dog years math.

All right, what if I get like a hot, like, Pomeranian?

Like a male Pomeranian?

Who decided to win? years old according to the dog years math. Alright, what if I get like, what if we get like a hot like, Pomeranian.
Like a male Pomeranian. Who decides it's hot? Me.
You. You know, I can tell if one's good looking or not.
Yeah, I can be. Yeah, that's definitely a hot one.
That's what I would say. Yeah, sure.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I want it three or under.
Young, tight for Tootsie. I feel like this is the thing, because dogs can't consent.
And then we shave it.

That's how a dog strips.

We talked about this.

You shave it, and then it's just a pink doggy.

I just feel like we need a male in there.

I mean, in terms of a human.

I'll be there.

I feel like having a human in there.

She's seen my dick, I'll tell you that much.

I try to, honestly, I try to avoid being nude in front of the dogs.

Do you really?

Yeah, because it makes me feel weird.

It is my mother's dog. Because they're so curious.
Yeah. You know, whenever I'm nude, I feel like they're looking extra hard.
Tootsie's always staring cross-eyed at me. She is looking like everything does sort of look like a ghost.
And you think that that would not reflect on the stripper? I think the stripper is going to get... I mean, we're going to pay it.
You're going to pay it. I would love the idea of a stripper showing up dressed as a veterinarian.
He has no idea what's going on, right? And he shows up. She doesn't hate the vet.
She does shake sometimes at the vet. She doesn't know what the vet is.
She just knows she's leaving. Thank you, Rob.
She doesn't know what the vet is. You know what I mean? It's not the vet.
It's more of the scenario. But if she, this might actually help.
He comes in, and yeah, probably he might be a little confused at first. Side stories, LPOTL at gmail.com, if you're a male stripper in the Los Angeles area, that would be fine with something like this.
Is that what you do is... Send your rates.
Send your rates, please. Is that, yeah, they'd show up to the party, and there'd be a bit of confusion, but then they'd see us all in a circle, because what I would like to do is put Tootsie in a chair in the center of the living room, kind of like what you do.
Yeah, there is a chair she likes to sit on, too. And then we have him come in and we play like, this is how you do it.
Yeah. And then he takes off all of his clothes for, I mean, technically we'll be watching as well, but then he just got to be fine with giving Tootsie a block dance, but it doesn't have to be sexual.
You're not touching her little chooch or anything. I don't think he's taking his dick out at all.
Male strippers, do they take their dick out? I don't think they do. If you pay money.
I think they keep it in their pants, then they kind of open the top and be like, hey, check it out. Look what's in there.
Who would be confused? I think it's more like, look what I got. Look what I got.
It's not just like, oh god, what do I have? Like it's that, oh no, is there something wrong with mine? Can you see, ma'am? Just a dildo sticking out of a vagina. Crazy, right? Crazy, right? You had no idea.
Pretty cool, right? You're paying me to strip in front of a dog. Hi, welcome to Side Stories.
My name is Andrew Zebrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson.
Yeah, what else should we get for Tootsie's 17th birthday party? I want jungle juice. Jungle juice? Old-fashioned, man.
Make it in the hot tub. Wow.
I will say, just straight up, right before we get into it, we were a little off with our election prediction and so uh yeah we're fine obviously uh we're just you know kind of just reorganizing and still be my jill stein yeah jillian stein please um but i will say due to the changes that we have coming up um i do think that it was really important for us and i think it's important for you guys to do this to at, is that I sat Natalie down. Right? Yes, she loves this.
Yeah. I sat her down, and I said, now that the rights for you have reverted to me, I release you.
You did that. And I think that's important for every husband to do to each one of you.
If you have a wife out there. I have a wife.
Release her. Do you really want control of her ute? I mean, the two utes.
The My cousin Vinny. Yeah, that's right.
I haven't released Julie yet. We haven't talked about her.
What, she's going to have to negotiate for her release? At least I think she should make a case for why she should be free. This is some husbands.
I just did it ahead of time. I just knocked it out knowing that she's going to kill me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You think Julie's not going to fucking kill you when the revolution comes? She's very strong.
She could kill you probably, especially if you're asleep because you sleep so deep. She'll beat you to death with a fucking hammer.
I'm a big guy and, you know, Julie's, you know, she's strong as hell. Super strong.
But she doesn't like violence. I think she doesn't like violence.
But when the revolution comes, when that blood wave of period comes to kill and wipe away us all, all men. Yeah.
She just sort of, she would get into it. Yeah.
She'd fall in the line. I think she would win the fight if we've ever fought.
Because she'd have something to fight for and you're still just, you're just like and you're just awesome because you're a guy. Yeah, and she exercises.
Yeah. There is that.
She can beat you with stamina. She's got endurance.
Yeah, she can beat you with stamina. She's strong.
Yes. I've seen her.
She's got good length. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
In terms of like. Can lift some shit.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Good reach.
Yeah, good reach. Good reach.
She can keep popping sticks. She can pop a stick.
Yeah. How Jake Paul has to do with Mike Tyson.
I was going to, yeah, you didn't want to talk about it, but I'm curious. Where do you think is going to happen with the, you were wrong about the election.
Are you, who do you think? I'm sorry, I just had almost a seizure. Wrong about the election.
I just bought into the propaganda. You were wrong about who was going to win.
I bought into the propaganda, yeah, because I bought into the propaganda because I wanted it because it felt nice. But it was another mirage of horseshit fed to us by a bunch of people who technically should, every single one of them should be fired from time.
You're also wrong about who you wanted to win. But what I want to talk about now is I campaign for Jillian Stein every day in my backyard.

Do you think Tyson's

going to beat Paul?

I'm worried. It's going to be during our show at Sirius.

Oh, very much so, yeah.

I literally requested it.

If you're in the Los Angeles area, just know SiriusXM

down at the garage. We have a live show.
We're doing

a live taping of the last update on

the left there. That's right.
I don't know if we've

advertised this. I don't know.

I'm sure people will show up. But it's during

the Down at the garage, we have a live show. We're doing a live taping of the last update on the left there.
That's right. I don't know if we've advertised this.
I don't know. But I'm sure people will show up.
But it's during the Jake Paul, Mike Tyson fight. So maybe no one will show up.
No one might come. Because I think everyone in the world is going to be watching this.
Everybody's a fucking moron, I guess. I guess people are going to watch it.
Who do you think is going to win? I want to hear your opinion. Not us.
Not us. Not the American people.
No. No, we lose.
We lose across the board. I love how this is just as big as the election to most people.
Absolutely. And again, it's just sadly going to purely sully the pure and perfect world of the boxing industry.
Oh, yeah. And I can't believe that anyone could possibly corrupt.
It's breathing the little bit of life back into it. I know.
No one gives a fuck about boxing. Honestly, I think that what I've read a little bit would just have, like, Mike Tyson does look absolutely frightening in his pre-training.
He's doing a lot of training. Oh, yeah.
He does have heart issues. He is a six-year-old man.
Jake Paul is 27 years old. 29, I believe.
Whatever. Fucking all the same.
It's I hope he's older than he's closer to death. Jake Paul is literally like, he's fully trained at the top of his powers in order to do something like this.
If they had met at the same age, Mike Tyson would literally turn him to a red mist. But the fact that he is not shows that Jake Paul definitely has a shot.
If it lasts longer than a round, Mike Tyson's going to lose.

Mike Tyson is so funny in every interview.

He's just like, I'm just scared of who I am.

It's the way he talks about it.

I'm an animal and I shouldn't be outside. I love Mike Tyson in the fact that

he's a horrible monster, right?

But there are things that he says

when he's just like,

I just wish the people knew that the rage inside of me

just takes over and I can't make these decisions.

And people ask him,

so what are you going to do when you get in the ring?

I don't make these decisions. And like people ask him like, so like, what are you going to do when you get in the ring? I do not know.
I've become a chaos demon. I've become death himself.
And you're just like, damn, Mike, maybe not. You know, like maybe you don't got to, dude.
Maybe it's one or the other. You know what's the wildest part? Every day I can barely contain my violence.
Is Jake Paul. People hate him so much that we all want him to lose a fight to a convicted rapist.
Very much so. Nothing would make me happier.
No one is rooting for him. Nothing would make this convicted rapist, nothing would make me happier than watching this convicted rapist paralyze Jake Paul.
That would make me extremely happy. It would show that maybe there is something fair in this life.
But no, Mike Tyson's going to throw it as soon as they get to any form of real conflict. He's going to fall.
I don't know if he's capable of throwing a fight. I don't know.
I don't know. They're already kind of the same.
We talked about this as we were driving in today. They legitimately might even pull the fight because of insurance issues.
Yeah. Mike Tyson's been having heart troubles.
They're worried he's going to die in the ring. I think that weirdly Mike Tyson wants it that way.
Oh, he should die in the ring. And so, but if he's going to die in the ring, you better do it.
Mash in the face of that piece of fucking shit. Hopefully he leaves as much of a mark on this piece of fucking shit as much to get.
But I will say, you did Eddie, you did sort of. I've been watching the doc.
You pushed me. You pushed back a little bit about the idea that like technically it's probably good.
Jake Paul got into boxing and working out because it got him sober. Yes.
Which is probably a good message for young men. But he's not a complete moron.
No. Even though you don't have to like him.
No. But in order to get where he is, you have to have some kind of brain whatsoever.
I don't know. Watching him train, though, he just seems slow.
He is extremely slow. And so I just think Tyson's a lot faster than he is.
If he was a real boxer, he would have been a boxer. Yes.
You know what I mean? He has won some legitimate fights, though. Yeah, because now he can, because he's literally just dumping millions of dollars into training every inch of his body, but if he was a boxer,

you would have been one, instead of whatever he was. You gotta start training to be a boxer

at, like, 13. You should be getting

punched in the face at nine. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If you really want to be a boxer,

that's what you do. Man, I love

whenever people talk about, like, Tyson's

history, and it's just like, it's always like,

I was on the streets of Brownsville, and someone

took one of my pigeons and ripped their head off, and that was the first time i ever beat a man next to death i knew what violence was and what i had to do why did they make me be this way why does everyone drive me to be a killer and it's like you know like dude you just you're like this i will say i'm all you know let me backtrack a little bit because i know a lot of people that do train for boxing later on in life and it is great i'm I'm getting back in a way. It's good to be healthy.
It's good to be healthy. It's just knowing that, you know, it's what are we doing it for? Jake Paul is doing it just because he could have chosen to go into any profession.
Yeah. The amount of money that he had.
He could have done literally anything. And he chose this, which I do think is poor decision making.
People hate him.

Yes, but I do think it's poor decision making. So you have to enter a place

like an environment like boxing.

He could have done a lot of stuff. He could have done one.

My big dream is to be the number one caterer

of North Korea. If I could

get into Korea with some... Have you ever cooked children?

What? No, no, no, no. What I would bring

to them? Collard greens.

I'd bring them ham hock.

I'd bring them some mashed taters.

Some Pepsi pie. I'd go

down there with my big old... Pepsi pie?

We're going to go. them collard greens whoa i'd bring them ham hock i'd bring them some mashed taters yeah pepsi pie i'd go down there with my big old pepsi pie because i guess pepsi pie i mean i'd be in full

blackface but that's why i'd be in north korea is to show them because i feel like that way they'd

let me do it you know like if i showed up to be the number one caterer of north korea but i did

all in the character of old mr johnson yeah right maybe they'll let me do it they may be

Thank you. That's for damn sure.
I don't know if they will, but they'll take me. You're charismatic.
The other thing I'm watching on Netflix, other than the Mike Tyson fight, is Investigation Alien. See, this is how we get these fucks.
Yeah. I started out and put it Yeah.
Eddie had no... He chose, out of his own energy, to put on an alien documentary.
If that does not show the power that this show has, I mean, I don't know what does. Yeah, no.
Well, I want to... I mean, it's your job.
It's my job, and I need to understand what the fuck you're talking about a lot of the times. And there's some interesting shit in there.
See? The cattle mutilation. The cattle mutilations are...
That's a... This is really happening over...
They're sucking them up into a ship, cutting off their tits and their fucking dicks and shit, and then they're in their noses and their ears, and they're emptying them with blood, and they're putting them back, no footsteps. I think that it's what they're doing.
It's cattle mutilations. We don't quite know what's happening there.
That's more than mutilation. That's like sucking out blood.
They know what they're doing is they're taking it and they're making meat back where they are because burgers are great. I mean, it's like cheeseburgers for aliens.
It's like, where's how we're going to fucking make peace? Cheeseburgers for peace is something I've been saying for fucking years. He has been.
You know, and it's like, and these fucking, these guys, they got cows, so they got cheese and they got burgers. Oh, they got it all.
Yeah. And they're out there in the fucking galactic introverses fucking sharing burgers together.
See, my thing, when you do it, I'm not quite certain about how physical in nature a lot of the UFO phenomena is. I think it's pretty much straight down the middle, half psychic,

half physical.

Whatever's happening with the cattle mutilations,

the reason why they're interesting is the way, like, you know, we've covered this on the show

before, but normally, just so you guys

know, there was a rash of these again.

There was like probably 15, 20 of them

last year during the summertime

up in the Pacific Northwest.

All of this was happening in Oregon and Washington, where the cattle get sucked up. They get what they call surgical or laser.
A lot of them call it laser. They say scalpel, but they also say it's burnt.
And it's very... It's like a laser scalpel.
Yeah. And it's specific parts of the cow.
It's like the ears, the nose, the mouth, the lips. Anything hanging off.
Anything hanging off. And honestly, specifically, the dick and balls.
And the udders. They get sucked off.
Are they taking the vaginas? I don't know. We got to call George.
Where's George? George Knapp. We need to get his number on.
I want to be able to call him live while we're recording. I want to get his cell phone number so that we can just randomly call him every once in a while while we're talking to get into it.
A lot of people were... Obviously, there's pushback.
Main pushback is saying that it's predators eating them very specifically, but the problem... There'll be blood and there'll be teeth marks.
It is true. A lot of these cattle appear desanguinated, which means that they have the blood taken out of them.
I love how you knew I didn't know what that word meant. They were left in a field, and oftentimes, they are then unperturbed by other predators, which is the most mysterious thing.
The scavengers ain't touching them. It is very mysterious.
They literally are left there. The corpses of these cattle are left there to melt.
Until they become bones. Yes, and they don't get eaten.
And the bones don't get eaten. It's very, that is what makes it specifically interesting.
There's a lot of people, if you listen to, if you watch Investigation Aliens, there's a lot of farmers that think it's other humans doing this, but I don't really know what they get out of it. It would be impossible because there's no fucking trail.
There's no footsteps and there's no blood. Blood would be everywhere.
Blood would be everywhere. And the one part, one thing that he talked about was interesting when he was talking with the farmers, George Knapp was, on the first episode, talking about the idea that there was these weird crop circle-y style things popping up as the mutilations would happen.
And then they said that afterwards, nothing would really grow in the areas where the little crop circles happened. And they didn't look like the big ones.
Well, no, it grew back better, they said. Yeah, some of them did.
Yeah, it was like this weird thing. It had a weird phenomenon inside of these circles.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I don't know.
I think that there is a lot of mysterious stuff. I think that when they do, imagine there's a world where one strain of the UFO phenomenon is a physical alien that is here that does not operate on the same rules as our galaxies and our on our literally our galaxy and definitely our society and that what they do is what they view as research like what if they're looking at us through a prism of their world so there's things that they don't understand about what we do why we do them and what our what our things are.
And that instead of a direct, oh, we're experimenting on these cattle, that's why we're doing it. It's just, that's their version of either like, that's what appears to us after they're done with whatever the hell it is that they're doing.
This is all saying that this is true. Why is it only cows and not horses and stuff? Don't know.
Why is it? They're not taking dogs. They're not

taking pigs. No, it's very interesting.

They're not finding people like this either.

They do. Not with no fucking dicks

and no blood in their bodies.

I mean, not in this

economy. But later on,

you can find out. It's more they get scooped.

People get scoop marks taken out.

They get implants put in. They get people

have had their babies sucked out of them

or they showed up miraculously pregnant

and they got babies kind of removed from them

good thing that happens, they get their titties sucked

they get their buttholes reamed

quite often, a lot of times they'll have a

filament shoved up their penis

through their urethra to make them

cum and they get super hard to the point where

it hurts and they cum against their will

do you find that to be assault? Yes. Well, isn't it science if an alien's doing it? Well, ask the 43 macaques that fucking escaped from the research facility that we just talked about.
These fucking monkeys. I'm just saying.
It's the same thing. Before we get into the monkeys, I have more questions from Alien, Investigation Alien.
Sure. There was a battle in Brazil? Well, the Colores UFO flop that happened in the early 1970s.
It flew out of the ocean and started shooting people with laser beams? They do have USOs. This is a very specific style of UFO that we don't really see in any other country besides Brazil, which is the aggressive UFO.
Well, they're saying they're in the fucking Gulf of Mexico and off the coast of California as well. Oh, yeah, that's where we see them pop up, but they don't zap us.
They only zap the South Americans. We cover this in the Dangerous UFOs of Brazil episode that we did in 2020, but they talked a lot of this.
It's an aggressive form of UFO phenomenon that attacks people, and we don't know why it is specifically only to Brazil, but there has been lots and lots of stories. It does remind one of these stories of the fairy folk and the very, and the people that take like, and would steal people and move.
Because like there was the famous story of someone that got pulled up by one of these and dropped. And then another one got zapped by one of them.

And another one got gassed by one of them.

Yeah.

And so if this is happening and they're in the water, are we going to look for them or there's no funding for that?

Are there submarines looking for the underground aliens?

I don't think you understand, Eddie, what's going on in our country right now and how we can't focus on this story is because do you know that they're turning little boys into girls in kindergarten? In kindergarten. On purpose.
Well, yes. Bull boys go into kindergarten.
They do surgery on their little penises and they turn them into innies. They turn them into pussies.
Yes. All right.
So that they go vote for Kamala. And that's what we have to work on right now versus your petty little, oh, there's UFOs in the ocean.
I'm just curious. What do we want to know? Do we know? Do you think we actually know? I actually think that what we're seeing is the main issue is that the USO, the unidentified submerged object.
Yeah, not the USO that I know and love. No, no, no, not the real one.
It's that the USOs are where we think this shit comes from. If there is a physical version of the UFO phenomena that is based on the planet Earth.
So let's say that's another stripe of it. I believe with the phenomena that it's all of it right let's just say you could say all it could be any of it and so one of the theories is that there is a base on earth that shoots these things out and one of them says in the middle pacific ocean essentially and that they pop up which is what we see there was a recent uh piece of footage that i want to say was on one of the Investigating Aliens episodes I haven't gotten to yet, where you see this amorphous blob that looks sort of like a physical flare leave the water.
It pops up out of the water, hovers, and goes back in and plays around with it like it's a fucking dolphin. Very interesting.
And there's a lot of people talk about these coming up from the top. Yeah, 80% of the oceans remain unexplored.
Of course. We don't know it's out here.
It's most of the world. But that is the kind of the...
Can we stop looking at the Titanic for two seconds? You gotta make sure it's there, Eddie. Yeah, it's not going anywhere.
We have to make sure that it is continuing to be there. They're fucking, the aliens are next to Hawaii.
You don't got to. Everyone do themselves a favor and go find the fucking aliens.
Hang out in Hawaii while you're doing it. Dude, we got to.
James Cameron is right now at the Titanic. What is his problem? I think he's taking Zooms from there.
Avatars are aliens. Avatars are stupid.
They are stupid. They are stupid They are fucking stupid I really hate those movies Avatar 5 Remember how bad Avatar 2 was I can't believe they were getting so many more He stole from himself Every movie that he's ever done Was in Avatar 2 I hated Avatar 2 I hated it so much Would you think it's Avatarded? Can we say that yet? Yeah.
Avatar-ed's okay. You know what? In 2024? Yeah.
We're back, right? We're back in that way. You can say that.
Yeah, you can say that. Thank you.
What else would it be? And you know what? If you write in and say, I can't say that, it doesn't matter because Henry's my boss. I.
I guess who's my boss? Nobody. Nobody.
Guess who's nobody there? I can't blame anybody. It's just me.
Well, if you want to hear great stuff like this, come to the show November 23rd. We got a big show up in Humboldt at the Mateel Community Center.
We're still selling tickets. We got Billy Wayne Davis is hosting.
He's going to do a big fat set. And then we're going to come do a full side stories and then hang out with Billy afterwards.
And then we're going to hit up that town. We're going to fucking paint it green, paint it brown.
I'm going to be a new man. I'm going to be so happy when I'm up there.
I've always wanted to see the big trees. I've never seen the big trees.
I want to see the big trees so bad. And then on December 21st, Classy Night Out Christmas, baby.
Come out. We're going to have a really, really good time.
It's at the Masonic Lodge here in Los Angeles. We're going to have...
Tickets are on sale today. Yes.
And we're having a lot of different variety acts in there. Yeah.
It's not just comedy. Yeah, we're going to have a lot of people from the network, and then we're going to have some interesting acts as well.
It's going to be a great show. Make sure you check it out.
And of course, we got our whole new tour for Last Podcast and I left. We got a bunch of shit.
Come and see the New York show. Yeah, that's going to be great.
Please come down. That's going to be fun.
Honestly, we already sold a lot of tickets. You know, I've never been to Atlanta.
I've only been to Atlanta once for a Tom Petty concert and I showed up, almost got arrested, and then went right back to Tallahassee. You're going to have a great time.

And so I've never been to Atlanta. I'm very excited

to hang out in this town. We're going to eat good.
Yeah?

Are we going to go to the Varsity? Because that's what people

tell me. No.
No? No.

Do they have better hot dogs somewhere?

We're not getting hot dogs. We're not going to get hot dogs?

No. Absolutely not.
In Atlanta?

No. What are we going to get, peanuts? No.

What do you mean? We're going to get real food.

Like what? Good stuff. I got a whole list.
You're being mysterious. I am.
I'm going to take you out. I'm going to show you around.
There's a lot of stuff to get. Oh, yeah.
I might take you to Holman and Finch just to get some parts. Ooh, what's that? Holman and Finch is one of my favorite restaurants in the country.
What are the parts? All sorts of innards. Oh, really? Yeah.
You know I like my middle meats. Yeah, we'll get some innards.

Oh, yeah.

We got a lot of stuff.

Now that we can't trust Boar's Head anymore.

No, Boar's Head's out.

Yeah, as far as liverwurst goes anyway.

But you know what's on the menu?

Monkey?

Maca.

Maca.

Maca is on the menu.

Yeah, that's right.

That's what that stripper's going to say at Tootsie's birthday party.

Yeah, it's Maca.

It's on the menu.

She's biting my cock.

That'd be huge.

That'd be amazing.

As long as her horn doesn't touch it.

Right from your grave.

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See Mint Mobile for details. Now, this was a pretty slow week because there was a thing called an An erection.
Yeah. Yes.
Thank you, Eddie. I got an erection.
He did. Just this week only.
And we had to make sure his wife showed up. We had to call her in.
She was in Ohio. Yeah.
You know what's good is because he won, there won't be any insurrectile dysfunction. Insurrectile dysfunction.
Does that pun work? As going after the Capitol building?

Insurrectile dysfunction.

Eddie, I'm so tired I couldn't care less.

You couldn't care less? That is a

fucking good pun. Yep.

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So this is a story about freedom. Amen, baby.
And the thing is, is that, yeah, people are upset now, but you're going to be upset a lot more later on. Monkey see, monkey go, baby.
They're out there, dog. This is in South Carolina.
Fuck that state. Yeah.
A warned resident to lock their doors and windows after more than 40 monkeys escape from a research facility.

Now, these guys are out there.

They're just gone.

There's some TikTok videos of these monkeys out there.

They left.

They specifically were brought in.

This is also one of these weird things that kind of make me sick.

It's because obviously they got to try to find these guys.

They're going to be biting people.

But they're goofies.

They're young.

They're cute.

They're cute young ones. They're all like six, seven pounds.
And they're extremely social. And they're going to be biting people, but they're goofies.
They're young. They're cute.
They're cute young ones. They're all like 6-7 pounds.

And they're extremely social, and

they're supposed to be very friendly.

And the whole point of them, I guess

they said, the reason why they even brought them in

to be tested upon

is it was for

non-human primate

products and bio-research services.

Yeah. The Alpha

Genesis. Brain disorders, that's what they said they were

going to be working on. Alpha Genesis Incorporated,

I'm on their website right now, they're primate

Thank you. products and bio research services yeah um the alpha genesis disorders that's what they said they're going to be working on alpha genesis incorporated i'm on their website right now they're primate research specialists yeah look at oh wow look at that and they said the the u.s centers for disease control and prevention confirmed in a statement that the monkey is were previously living on morgan island as free range monkeys so just living their life having a nice time And they were brought to the Alpha Genesis facility, which just sounds really friendly and fun.
Alpha Genesis Incorporated provides the highest quality non-human primate products and bioresearch services worldwide. What does that even mean? Is that like giving them like hats and shoes and clothes? I have no idea.
With a client base that extends across North America, Europe, and Asia, we are dedicated to providing only the best and most cost-effective primate research and development support to the scientific community. You know what I don't like in there? The word cost-effective.
Seems like that. I feel like if I was a monkey, I wouldn't want to hear that.
You know what I mean? Maybe we should go over certain cotton costs. They said they were supposed to be there to be conditioned to be around people.
Oh. So they got exactly what they wanted.
There's now 13 still at large. And these monkeys, they're cute as hell.
And Rob did bring up a thing right before. I said, I will find it interesting to see if there are any cryptid reports from here on out from the forests of South Carolina.
Because these macaques are out there causing a lot of, you know, causing a kerfuffle, and people are going to go look, and they're going to see a little monkey out there. You've got a couple of shots of ripple, and you're going to turn into a Bigfoot.
Yeah, I don't know if they're going to make it through the winter, though. You know, it gets cold in South Carolina.
No, they'll die by suicide. There's a bunch of monkeys that got loose in Davie, Florida.
And people in Florida have seen them a couple times.

A couple of my friends where they saw them.

I've never seen them.

But the rumor is how they got loose was, well, there were two incidents.

Hurricane Andrew fucking destroyed Monkey Jungle.

And then also when they were filming.

This is a rumor.

I don't know how true this is, but I love spreading it.

Is when they were filming Tarzan in the 50s, at the end of the movie, they just let all the monkeys go. Trax.
I believe that. I more than believe that.
I think that if you were a real ally right now, what I'd do is if you see one of these macaques by the highway, drive them down to Florida. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just drive them down to Florida, man. Just drop them out, man.
Just let them go because guess who deserves it? Florida. Go drop off all of these monkeys.
Anything lives down there. Everything lives down there.
That's why all your grandparents are there because they're trying to live. For some reason.
Just know that we're all going down there. Just send all the macaques down there.
There's no reason for them to not be able to enjoy. You've got to feed the python something.
You've got to enjoy Miami. That's right.
All right, let him go out there. They're cute as hell.
If you get one, yeah, a couple of them. And I'm going to say this.
A little bit of an update in the story of Peanut the Squirrel is that I did get an insider information from somebody that doesn't want to be revealed that said that essentially they didn't have a bunch of permits that they needed to have, which has kind of led to the, it wasn't the OnlyFans Karen thing necessarily, that's just a side quest for him. They definitely needed more permits for that, but you know, like, as much as it's against every single regulation, scoop up that macaque, take it home, because it's 2024 and the rules don't matter.
Yeah, man. Free this motherfucker.
You don't want to go back to goddamn... I mean, they're going to bite the living fuck out of you and they're going to eat one of your kids' face or bite one of their ears off, but what do you care? Yeah.
You know, because you like the chaos. Just get the cappuccino and put it in your house.
I can't believe that they have a place called Alpha Genesis Incorporated in South Carolina.

My vet father-in-law, veterinarian, said that there has never been a squirrel with rabies. This is what I was reading about, too.

They said that apparently it is not, I guess, impossible for a squirrel to get rabies, maybe.

But there's very little of it. Yeah, he said he's never even heard of it all his years.
I wonder why. Because they're quick.
I mean, a lot of things are quick. Also, if you're curious about jobs at Alpha Genesis Incorporated, I'm looking at their job opportunities.
They're currently hiring a new animal care manager i wonder why i wonder why i wonder why yeah wow he's sitting here right here apparently score they still they can get rabies but it's very rare very very rare you gotta be careful with that so i mean i don't think these monkeys they're they're they're i can't just let them be free They are going to be now, you gotta go get them I don't know what they do to these poor guys But then I did read about too That is also what's really sad about Rabies testing is that they do have to kill The animal to do it Because it's only brain tissue Yeah, no, they have to find But how come they don't have to kill us to find out if we have rabies? Because we're going...

Well, apparently, once you're already doing

that, you're dead. Yes.
I mean,

no one has survived rabies. Yeah,

you can't. Once you show signs of rabies, you're

dead. Yes.
Yeah, which is fucking

cool to see. It's kind of metal.

Did you see how they used to give you rabies shots?

Yeah, super long. Right in

your stomach. Yeah, very bad.
Like a long needle right in your fucking stomach. That's how you did it.
My mom had to get one that were horrible. Really? Yes.
Why did she get one? She got bit by a dog as a kid. Oh, okay.
I was going to say she was bit by her father. He was just a boomer.
Can't be upset with him. Now, this is another...
Talk about being upset with the father. This is a story in this day and age I find extremely inspiring.
And this guy gets it. Ryan Borgwart.
What's that? Missing father of three faked his disappearance in a kayak accident and he fled to Europe. Oh, yeah.
Now, this guy is awesome. I had no idea Uzbekistan was in Europe.
You know what? I didn't either. We learn stuff every day.
We learn stuff every day on this show. So this was on August 12th or on 532 local time.
Deputies initially responded to a missing persons call. They went looking for this guy, Ryan Borgwart.
Yeah. And they went to go his vehicle and trailer were found later parked in the area of Dodge Memorial Park and his last known location was the Green Lake.
Certainly dodging his family. Yeah.
Miss me with that and I mean having responsibilities around an hour after the alarm was first raised, the authorities found a capsized kayak in the western part of the lake in an area where the water is around 220 feet deep. It was that easy.
The fisherman found his fishing rod. His tackle box was found.
They found his wallet, his keys, and then they were like, well, he must be dead, right? During the news conference, they realized that on August 24th, a team of experienced divers and search dogs were brought in to help look for Barn Wart. He has three kids.
And they could not find anything. But on August 7th, Sheriff Podol said he met with his team and they decided the search had to go in a different direction.
They were trying to go find different areas. And now they're pretty fucking certain that he is gone because his report, because that was the thing.
They dealt further. Borgwart had reported his passport missing and obtained a replacement on May 22nd before all of this happened.
OK, so I mean, but May 22nd to August isn't it's not close. Oh, yes.
Oh, yes. I feel like that's, you know, some of this stuff, I mean, like May 22nd to August, it's not close.
Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

I feel like that's, you know, some of this stuff, I mean, like, he could be at the bottom of this lake.

But he was communicating with a woman in Uzbekistan ahead of his vanishing, and he'd taken out a $375,000 life insurance policy in January.

That's what the thing is, that it got paid out, and then he left town.

Well, he left out, or somehow he got this money.

Or I think it was for his family.

Yes.

Yeah, so they have something when he leaves. I guess he just went decided to go be with this Uzbekistan woman which has just got to be she's just got a fucking tight ass crush and she knows how to suck that isn't it the opposite? Don't they always want to come here? Isn't it the whole thing? You know what happens a lot of times is that what he'll do is he'll lie to the woman saying, I'm going to bring you to America once I get over there to kind of help you and do stuff.
And then he gets over there and he goes, well, I don't know if I'm hiding from my family. Yeah.
And then he has a bunch of American money and it's fine. Interesting.
I've heard that Uzbekistan is surprisingly welcoming. Really? Yeah.
I then he has a bunch of American money, and it's fine. Oh, interesting.
I've heard that Uzbekistan is surprisingly welcoming.

Really?

Yeah.

Like, if you go over there, you'll be walking around, and people are like, come over for dinner.

It's kind of like that.

Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Families, like, welcome you into their houses and stuff.

Sounds lovely.

That's what I've heard.

I don't know if it's true or not.

I've never been to any—I don't—to be honest, I'm looking at even on this map that you're showing, and I don't know where that is. Yeah.
Is that the bottom of Europe? People magazine. Or is that in the Middle East? Is that Europe or the Middle East? Oh, my God.
We're fucking stupid. It's Asia.
No, it's Europe. You are fucking so fucking stupid.
Yeah. The two of us are the dumbest fucks.

I'm sorry.

I haven't learned about Uzbekistan yet.

None of us know.

It's you and me.

It's not just you, buddy.

I don't know a fucking thing about maps.

Yeah.

I don't know where stuff is.

Then I don't care.

There you go.

That's what I've been waiting for.

That's what I wanted.

You know why?

If I need to know, I'll look it up.

I'm going to go to the bathroom and take a Tuzbekistan. That's it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hell yeah. That's a shit.
The sheriff is pleading. He says, Ryan, if you're viewing this, I plead with you, contact us or contact your family.
While he's sitting there enjoying his camel milk, being like, I'm not going back to fucking America. I got it all here.
I got nothing but aluminum foil mines and delicious snarsh. And then I get sitting here with my beautiful one-eyed wife that got saved from whatever local skirmish is going on.
I think that they're beautiful over there. I hope.
Good. I know they are.
Yeah. So this guy, you know, someone who gets it at least i want to do this guy's plan he also lazily faked his own death yeah if he did now they're like he could end up dead it was on a kayak it was exercising yeah but he just like flipped it over and he says oopsie he got out of there i mean it seems like he did of work.
No, he didn't. If he did do a lot of work, what he would have done is taken what we've done.
We talked about this with the Kruger's Dorp cult. They did a lot of work.
He would take a man of another race. He would strip as much skin off of his face that he could.
He would set him on fire inside of the kayak and then push it over the fucking side. That's what you do.
There's no corpse. What we need

here is a corpse.

What if this is an elaborate advertisement

for Kayak.com's

travel agency?

Hey, you know, take a trip

all the way from your family.

That would be big.

Honestly, that'd be huge for kayaks.

What a good way to just, like,

a kayak is a key to not be a father anymore. Yeah.
Sign me up. So my favorite story this week is a Labradoodle has helped solve its owner's murder.
That's what it said. Its owner's murder.
I thought it said Labradoodle helped solve its own murder. No, no, no, no, no.

I was just like, what the living fuck is this article about? Like, what does that even mean? Texas woman Mandy Rose Reynolds was murdered by a very bad man, prosecutors say, but her very good dog helped her catch the killer. How'd he do it? The dog, a Labradoodle named Titan, was found at the site in Robeson, Texas, where Reynolds' body was found burned beyond recognition in April of last year.
The dog barked frantically at officers and refused to leave the area of the body, but also refused to allow police to capture it. A citizen found the dog at the same spot the next day, called Animal, who determined that Titan was micro-tripped and belonged to Reynolds.
Police went to Reynolds' home and discovered that all of the 26-year-old's possessions had been removed. They tracked her Honda Accord to Wichita, Kansas, where her cousin, 29-year-old Derek Dagenalt, who knows, was arrested after a high-speed chase.
Investigators determined that he shot Reynolds before burning her body in a plastic container. He was sentenced to life in prison last week.
And the keys to this case were the heroic dog named Titan. And extraordinarily, cooperation between law enforcement agencies in multiple jurisdictions and states.
The jury deliberated for around 40 minutes before sentencing him to life. After the trial, Culvert said that Dagonaut did to Reynolds, shooting her in the head and driving her body to McLennan County and setting her on fire like a piece of trash was enough to justify the life sentence.
Dude, it's Scooby-Doo. I know.
And Labradoodles are supposed to be stupid. And Labradoodles are actually bad for dogs, too.
They're bad because of the genetic manipulation that they've had over all the years. The man who invented Labradoodles says he regrets it.
Yeah, sure, whatever. But at the same time, they're cute.
They are cute as fuck. And they're hyperallergenic.
Well, this is the thing. People want a big dog, but they don't want a fucking poodle.
What do you do? I don't know. Labradoodle.
Labradoodle. But you go.
So the dog refused to be captured and then just took them back to the victim's home? It just kept going to where the body was burned because apparently, I guess, it saw it. Traumatized traumatized yeah and so it kept going to the place where they found the body and then they found out when they chipped the dog that it was hers and then when they went to her apartment she was missing and then they put two and two together that's what it is they couldn't identify the body yes so the dog identified the body the dog well the dog didn't solve the crime but no the dog was a witness and then he told everybody.
Yeah, I told. Yes.
So the dog identified the body. The dog, well, the dog didn't solve the crime.
The dog was a witness, and then he told everybody. Yeah, the dog.
Titan was a good boy. Guy was a good boy, and so he's been sent to be destroyed, or? Actually, I think he's going to be stripping for Tootsie this week.
Whoa, yes! We gotta get him! We're going to shave him and jerk him off in front of my little girl Tootsie. Come on! Let Tootsie have a thrill! You think Tootsie gets horny anymore? I don't think so.
But sometimes she gets Randy with Rambo a little bit and then jumps on him and kind of attacks him a little bit. That's disgusting.
And he just sits there and he's like, what is this? That's her brother. I mean, her nephew, probably, if you really want to get into it.
Yeah, sure. My sister.
I still find it disgusting. Yeah.
In that way. There's another man who doesn't find stuff like that disgusting.
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I've been talking about this for years

It is now

Jackie technically started it on page 7

But it continues to go

And now it's out there, man

Tom Cruise has sex with whole uncut fish. And I would not be surprised.
I know everybody's been joking about this for a long time. Well, he fucks their bellies.
Yeah, but they're gutted, though. He buys them at a store.
Yeah. They got holes in them to be fucked.
And so he does this. And a part of the, like, it's everywhere now.
It's now out on the internet. It's funny now because I've been saying it for fun and games.
And it's fun to do this towards a mega celebrity who can't really even fight all the various whack-a-mole things that are said about them at all times. Yeah.
But with the P. actually kind of even wonder if this is kind of some of the stuff he has because they talk about what he has on all of these various hard drives he has all this this dirt on everybody so we'll see if this is one of them but at first you're like oh you know what a silly thing but then you look at it and you're like no people are selling pictures and this is a guy one of them It's a guy named Hamed Faris, 44.
And what a silly thing. But then you look at it and you're like, no, people are selling pictures.

And this is a guy, one of them,

this guy named Hamid Faris, 44.

And this is in London town.

Well, before we go into this story,

which is perfect for side stories.

I want to go back to the Tom Cruise thing for two seconds.

Yes.

Morally, the fish is dead.

There's no about, this isn't moral.

This is about morality. He buys the dead fish.
This is not about crimes and victims. This is about behaviors.
It's not illegal. But it's still like frowned upon for sure.
I do think, maybe I'm wrong. Wouldn't he stink? No, he washes right after.
And it's just his dick and balls. Well, doesn't he do it at the grocery store and they find the fish all mangled in the bathroom, right? Sometimes he also sometimes does it in his limo.
And so his limo might smell like it. But I think that he washes.
And I think you'd actually be surprised. Really good quality whole uncut fish doesn't have that bad of a smell.
And then, you know, for the most part, it doesn't really smell. I'm sure he gets the best stuff.
He's getting good stuff, whatever he's getting. And it's something I think that just calms him.

I don't even know if it's sexual.

I think that he does it to prove how gay he's not in his own mind.

That he's so not gay he could have sex with a fish.

Oh, okay.

But that's not how that works either.

If you were to fuck a fish, what fish?

Can't say a mammal.

Can't say a mammal.

Salmon.

Salmon.

Just straight up.

Thank you. What fish? Can't say a mammal.
Can't say a mammal. Salmon.
Salmon. Just straight up.
The Pam Anderson of fish. It is.
I mean, it's sexy. Well, it's actually an ugly fish in the face.
None of them are attractive. Some fish are more attractive than other fish.
I hate this. A salmon's face is repulsive.
You really think. And when they swim upstream, they lose their skin.
I mean this. You really think that there are some, I mean, past your character on the show.
I think a largemouth bass is way more attractive than a salmon. Absolutely.
Beautiful fish. Side stories, LPOTL at gmail.com.
Yeah. All right, click click on this, Rob.
It says what's the most fuckable fish, according to X. I mean, octopus, by the way.
Or like a sponge would be a good fuck. Or sea cucumber.
That'd be a good fuck. What is it showing? Oh, it's just a bit.
You got it. Oh, yeah.
You got God. You got God.
Just some dude in the ocean with his shirt off. You know what I'd fuck? That's a pretty funny bit, though.
Starfish. Starfish, really? Jellyfish? Wow, salmon's up there.
How is jellyfish? Because they think that you could ball it up even though it'll poison you. So is bass, by the way.
But striped bass, not largemouth. Striped bass.
Yeah. I guess maybe it's the same thing.
I don't know. I don't think so.
Yes. Yeah, probably.
All right, so this guy, Hamad Faris, he has a bunch of pictures of it. And he was found with it.
He was a charity volunteer. They called it extreme porn.
And I call it... What are you going to call it? Noah's porn.
Right? This is Noah's porn, besides having his daughters in there. They showed adults having sex with live animals.
A court heard, but how would you know it was a picture? Helmut Forrest was sent five sickening bestiality images by his so-called friend. Now, North Staffordshire, Dustin Senta, heard the pictures betrayed a person having inter divorce with a live animal.
They included a fish,

chicken, dog, and monkey.

The court was told.

There's five pictures

so one of those animals

was featured twice.

Popular.

Now,

they said that

he says a friend

sent me these

and I don't know what it

and he thought

it was disgusting.

But then he showed

everyone else

and they told on him.

Yes.

But he said when they were first sent to him he said this is disgusting. But then he showed everyone else and they told on him.
Yes. He said when they were first sent to him, he said, this is disgusting.
I can't even believe that you would send me a video of a man and a fish saved a photo file. I can't believe that you would do that.
He does not remember receiving the images according to him. You can only assume they were sent by the same person.
And they were not downloaded by him. They were sent by someone else.
Now, I don't think that it helps, but the fact that there are... You know what it was for so long? Everyone's like, oh, no one's having sex with fish.
No one's having sex with fish. They definitely are.
Well, we saw that woman having sex with the fish in Australia. Yes, we did.
We saw that. Does that mean we are in trouble?

We definitely...

We emailed it to each other.

Is that not worse than this? No, it was on the news.

Than this?

No, it was on the news.

But still, what if this was on the news?

Then it wouldn't be...

If pictures were on the news, then it wouldn't be bad.

We did all this research to the West Memphis Three and all it shows are these horribly mutilated corpses of these little boys.

Man, they really show the fucking pictures of those boys.

Yeah, so they really do. So yeah, I think we can handle maybe someone having their dick inside of a fish.
I think that we can maybe handle someone's getting their pussy eaten out by a fish. I'd rather someone fuck a fish than a person against its will.
Yeah. When you added the caveat, yeah.
When you finally said the thing that made it not a disturbing sentence, I can agree with you, sure. But no, yeah.
Up until then, I still prefer watching a human. What is this picture, Rob? It's a carp.
It's a carp's pussy. Oh.
It's a carp's vagina or a carp's mouth? Oh, it's his mouth. Mmm.
Yeah, I guess, yeah, you could really go to town on that one. You could be a real fucking...
No teeth in there, huh? No, man, you could... No, they're pulled back.
You could be a real Dennis Rodman on that thing. No teeth.
Yeah, you could slippity slam that thing, fucking teach you to listen or two. Yeah.
Carp's smart fish. Not if it fucking finds out that it's fucking mouth super fuckable, then it's going to be dead.
It's going to be a dead smart fish. Unless it's going to be rich.
Yeah. Well, it's more the reason why I even wanted to talk about this story is just the fact that...
We haven't talked about humans fucking animals in a minute. In at least a month.
And I just think that with the current election season, we're allowed. Yeah.
I think we can come back and talk a little bit. But it's more just...
This is the news that news that we got this this is the news we received this week i i just think that it's more common than we thought it was and that people taking pictures of them fucking them fucking a fish is like way more on more common than we thought it was but is it weird to say this might get me in trouble sure but for some reason in my mind when I'm thinking bestiality like if you're fucking a fish Rob don't look at me when you're fucking a fish like is it really for pleasure how ugly a salmon is tell me that's not a fucking hideous fish I'm just so happy that it was just a fish I didn't know what you were going to look up to look up. But for some reason, for me, when it's man on fish, it doesn't feel like bestiality.
But I know it is. It is.
Yeah. But it doesn't feel like it.
Is it because they're cold-blooded? I think there's something about a fish that's like way less relatable. Oh, yeah.
Like a big fish? You can't really talk to them. Well, no.
And they don't know that you're there, really. And I don't think that a fish gets...
Side stories, lpotl at gmail.com. Does a fish get traumatized if you fuck its mouth? You can train a fish.
To suck dick? No, I mean to take treats. To suck dick is what I'm asking.
All right, here. Yeah, anything can take treats.
They're small. Can it take a fucking dick in its mouth? Look at this.
And survive. All right, look at this video I got here.
And you tell me if a fish could take, this almost made the stream, but this guy here, he just feeds these catfish with a spoon. And they just come and they find him and they love him.
See, that's cute. Yeah, but he easily could just put his dick in one of these fish's mouths.
Yeah, but they'll start chewing on it. It's not going to be.

He's training them to fucking clamp down on it.

I don't think it's going to be super pleasant. He's surrounded by these things, and he's petting them like they're dogs.

It's really weird.

Yeah, that is strange.

He definitely has a full-on.

Why is he feeding catfish with a spoon?

Well, because he used to be a fisherman, but he was bad at it.

And so now he just feeds them.

So now he just makes them congregate. I used to be a fisherman, but now I'm just a fish party promoter.
Yeah. That's all I do.
He's a friend to the fish. He strokes him.
He grabs him. Look at him.
He hugs him. Oh, yeah, he's hugging him.
They don't know they're being hugged. They're thrashing around.
Fish don't know what's happening, man. Look, he kissed it.
Why is he kissing it? He kissed it. He kissed it on the mouth.
I'm done with this guy. He kissed it.
I told you. He is grooming these fish.
This is where this begins. Yeah.
This is where this begins. This is catfish grooming.
These fish are getting catfish. They don't understand that they're going to all be raped by this man.
Rob, you found him. How did you find that? Spoon feeding a catfish.
Yeah. This man is literally grooming the fish.
Yeah, he loves them. Yeah, he's like fucking, what's his name? From Penn State.
Jerry Sandusky! No, he's not playing a poor fish. Jerry Sandusky.
Jerry Sandusky. This is the show now, folks.
This is it. This is what we're doing now This is the longest coverage we've done on a story all day This is it It's not going to always be like this We're talking about People start killing their families again These are issues Yeah We're going to have a family night later All of, all of the horrible people had a great week.
They didn't kill their families this week. They were so, yeah.
All right? So next week people will be killing families again and everything will be fine. Yeah, the horrible people were too busy celebrating last week to make news for this week.
Yeah, they're going to be back. They're going to be back and we're going to have it all be horrible again.
And it's already been. It's already been.
We didn't talk about the man accused of attempting to use a weapon of mass destruction to destroy a Nashville energy facility, but that was just because he didn't get it. Yeah.
And, you know, we all hate a failure. Everyone's got a plan.
Everybody's got a plan. The follow-through makes the news.
He was trying to blow up a bunch of this guy, Skylar Phillippe, a real skibbity toilet fucking moron, brackley-headed piece of shit, Zoomer. Oh, he's a young man.
Oh, yeah. He went out there and he wanted to attack a bunch of Nashville substations using drones with the explosives attached to him.
But, again, much like some of the people in his generation, he fucked it up. Yeah.
And so he did not do it well. He's arrested.
He's going to go to jail forever. How about speaking to young people having weird things happening to them? Mattel accidentally puts a porn website on the Barbie packaging for the Wicked.
These guys fucking deserve whatever happens to them. This Wicked movie can suck my fucking dick.
I'm actually very excited to see it. Good.
I'm glad you want to see it. Why would you not want to see it? Have you listened to Wicked? I have never heard it, no.
I've never seen it live. Sucks.
People love it. Yeah, sure.
People love Donald Trump. Man, I went and saw Back to the Future the musical this week.
That was really bad. Yeah, I bet.
It was really bad. All of these music, none of these guys.
There's no reason to make it. At least Wicked is an original-ish idea.
I'm being grumpy today. I'm being grumpy.
It's fine. It's just not for me.
And then also, Ariana Grande sucks. Boca's own.
She's a Boca alum. Boca, I love you, Ariana.
Sucks. Yeah, I like it.
She's a very thin voice. Erivo, she's great.
Is that her real name? The Wicked Witch. She's a great actor.
She's great. She is great.
We'll see how that goes. But yeah, they accidentally put Wicked.com, and for those of us from the 90s until the early 2000s, we know Wicked.com has nothing to do with the movie.
Wicked Movie.com is what they were supposed to do, but instead they put Wicked.com on a bunch of boxes for Mattel, and it just sounded like it just took them all to the straight-up crazy hardcore porn. And they should actually deal with it.
At least they didn't go to EvilAngel.com. Can we go to Wicked.com real quick? Yeah, I mean, it's work.
I want to see what the kids are looking at these days. Whoa, do they take it down? Oh, no, good.
That's the work

firewall saying why are you doing this at work.

All right, yeah. You're right.
Rob's 18.

Yep. Oh, he's 18.
See, there's no

titties, though. No, there's no titties on this

front. There's nothing.

It's just an advertisement for porn.

They didn't actually go straight to porn.

These people... Actually, you know what? They sell porn.

You can't buy it. Yeah, this is not even that bad.

It's not even that bad. This is really

not even that bad of a website. No, you have to buy it

in order to see it. It's more just the terminology that they would have to have their parents explain, like just the tip and where the where the where my bussy is.
It's in the back. They have this other thing called the Hunger.
Fantasia. Yeah.
The Hunger fucking games or whatever. It's like, yeah, Fantasia.
They don't know what this is. Yeah.
yeah. Why is she the talk of the town? Because she gapes.
But the kids don't know that. They don't put that on the cover.
Sunny gold melons? Yeah, but they love curves. So do a lot of people.
The circles curves and apples curves. This site doesn't show anything worse than a JCPenney catalog.
It really doesn't. I've jerked off the JCPenney catalogs dirtier than this.
Yeah, absolutely. Physically dirtier.
Well, when you start doing the collage work yourself and glue it in the breasts. You take them from somewhere else.
I like to make a woman. I don't like her feet.
I'm going to use the other woman's feet. I'm going to cut her feet off.
I'm going to put the other woman's feet on. I hate her head.
I'm going to cut her fucking head off. Put a new head on there.
I think this

is good. People should be

paying for porn. I do believe that as well.

I think they should. If you're going to watch it,

obviously you don't want to get caught with your credit

card receipts or whatever. It doesn't matter.

What the fuck can it matter if you got caught with your credit

card receipt to do a fucking legit porn site?

I feel like it's better

if you can buy

it. You know, it's safer for the

actors. And the more private goes, the more

I'll be able to be hidden from the various

Thank you. I feel like it's better if you can buy it.
You know, it's safer for the actors.

And the more private goes, the more I'll be able to be hidden from the various Project 2025 stuff that's going to happen.

Are they really going to get rid of porn?

They love porn.

They'll try.

You think so?

They're not allowed to say they look porn. You're telling me Donald Trump don't watch porn.

He can't.

He doesn't maintain an erection anymore.

I would say that they-

Doesn't mean he don't stare at it.

No, I think that they would try. I think they're going to try.
But we'll see. Because they just don't understand that it's in the plan.
Now we're just looking at pornography. Yeah, now this is just porn.
Yeah, when you Google wicked.com and you image search it with the safe search off, then you see fake breasts. I will say I do like a nice mature woman.
And then lead with them. These certainly aren't youngsters.
That could be Rob's algorithm. Yeah.
This could be it. I don't know.
It's probably, it is quite possibly that. We shall see, Edward.
Yes. We shall see.
Will the nation continue to masturbate? Yes. But will they do it on the solemn watchful eye of their Mac screen? Yes.
Real quick, a quick shout-out to Hvaldamir, the beluga. Remember we talked about him on the show not too long ago because he died.
He choked down a stick and he died because he was a spy from Russia, and then he ate a stick, and everyone liked him, and he died. We just got a doc.
So congrats. I can't wait to watch your doc.
We'll see. I'm very excited.
It's, you know, it's one of those. Hopefully, it really does reveal all of their sexual allegations.
I don't know what else they're really going to go at. I don't know what we're coming for on Hvaldameris.
Hvaldameris going to get canceled? It doesn't matter. Well, he's already a Russian spy, and people like him, so I don't think he can get canceled.
People love Russian

spies. We love

them. We

just, they are, they're fun. Yeah, we just elected

one to be president. They're sexy, you know?

Oh, secrets to the spy whale.

Yep. Well, I don't

know what his secrets are. He's a whale, so

I don't really know what he was going to

say in the first place and what he even knew.

And now he choked on a stick. I can't wait to watch it.
Oh, yeah, I can't wait to watch it. I like all different characters of Will's.
So go and check us out. We got to, you know, live every day knowing that you never knew what was coming anyway, huh? You're going to love that for yourself.
And you're going to laugh your way all the way to the nut house of the fucking emergency room. That's the only thing you can do.
It was great. This has been a perfect, flawless episode.
Perfect episode. We'll be back.
We're going to have more of these episodes. Something will happen this week.
Oh, no. We're having a bunch of stuff.
We technically still talked about a lot of stuff. No, I mean, this was news.
Yeah. And we pulled it from news sites.
We did our research. I read the article.
I'm on Newser. Yeah.
We saw stuff. We could talk about nothing.
But we didn't. Because we're good.
Go to lastpodguessandlove.com. See us live, please.
We have so many fun shows coming up, and we are really, honestly, we're having so much fucking fun, and they're all great. So go check that out.
Yes, we're coming to the Wiltern last week. We are coming to Brooklyn.
It's still on the website. We're coming to Brooklyn on December 7th at King's Theater.
Atlanta on January 11th at Coca-Cola Roxy. We are coming to Grand Prairie, Texas.
That's Dallas. That's Dallas.
At the Texas Trust CU Theater on February 22nd, March 14th. We are coming for you, Nashville, at the Ryman Auditorium.
Can't wait. I can't wait for that.
We should really, I'm telling you now, I want to do a Knoxville show attached to that. We're going to work on it.
Let's work on it, please. If you're in the Knoxville area with a big theater, you let us know.
Detroit, Michigan, the Masonic, April 18th. Two days before 420.
Yeah, we're going to be there. We're going to have a lot of fun.
Yeah. And so we are going to have a, just know, probably bring our own weed to Detroit.
Don't they sell it there? They just smoke it. Oh, yeah.
But it's kind of, you know, we'll get there. They got to get there.
I got a feeling Detroit's got some fucking kush. You know who we can buy weed from? Toronto's got good weed, and we're gonna be there on May 3rd.
It definitely is fine. If someone could please tell me, where's the good ups in Detroit? Side stories, L-P-O-T-L, gmail.com because I went to one dispensary, and I wasn't super jazzed.
In Detroit? Yeah. Oh, really? I walked there.
Yeah. I had a 45-minute walk from downtown.
Well, that's why you weren't super jazzed. No, it was great.
Once I got there, I'll tell you what, people were shockingly friendly. Like, I was walking down the street, I was in the middle of nowhere, and I started realizing, oh, I shouldn't be doing this, maybe? And there was a barren field, and there was a bush, and I mean this, there was a bush and a barren field hold on barren and bush together then and there was a man cartoonishly crouched behind the bush as if he was hiding okay and he was there the whole time and then as i got close to him he popped up and went hi and i just waved at him and just went right back behind the bush.
Ha! Detroit! Nice guy. Woman spit all over her and she did a kind of vomit spit in front of me from a wheelchair.
She went, I'm sorry. Alright.
Polite. It's better than Seattle.
Honestly, it's extremely nice. Detroit's an incredible city of love and strength.
Free the the robocop statue they built a robocop statue they funded a robot yeah i thought it was up no they didn't they were gonna put it in front of the science museum and then at the last minute they're like no it's just sitting in a warehouse somewhere seriously yeah and fucking free the statue man it's gotta go out someplace that's fucking. 11 feet tall Robocop statue is just sitting somewhere waiting for a home.
We got to go see that. Yes.
I wish we could go look at it. I know.
Put it at the Masonic. Yeah, that'd be cool.
Yeah. If someone got access to that, let us know.
Go to LBN TV on Twitch. Twitch.tv slash LBN TV.
Go see all the Twitches. We're going to got a lot of stuff on there.
Everything that is on there live then goes onto our YouTube page. Go and watch it there.
Next week, we have Good Puts coming back for Thanksgiving special. Oh, very nice.
There's Hoopa Goo Goo this week, baby. Thursday night live on Twitch on the LPN Twitch channel.
It's going to be 6pm Pacific, 9pm Eastern.

Amber and I will go

against contestant A and contestant

B and be judged by

the great Honorable Magistrate

Schaefer. Yes, and

hail the great LD, our leader.

Yes. Yes, hail

him. Yes.
Love you

guys. Stay good.

Love you all. Hail, sweet Satan.

Hail, Satan. Hail, Voldemir.

You know, hail... Until we find

I don't know. Hail him.
Yes. Love you guys.
Stay good. Love you all.
Hail, sweet Satan.

Hail, Satan.

Hail, Voldemir.

You know, hail.

Until we find out what this documentary digs up on him.

So be careful who your heroes are.

Well, hail Titan the Labradoodle.

Yep.

Looking for a home, by the way.

Yeah, I'm hoping they don't immediately kill him.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Test him for rabies.
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