Side Stories: Annabelle Airbnb

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Side stories?

That's when the cannibalism started.

Side stories.

Yes.

Old people just think AI is magic.

They can't get enough of it.

They love it because they want heaven to be real because they're heading that way.

They want heaven to be real.

They want all these things to be real and they're super scared about it.

So that's why they fall in love with the AI because AI can project an idea of heaven where Ozzy's just hanging out with, wasn't it like

it was somebody ridiculous.

It was like him.

Oh, it's ex-existent.

No, ex-ex-existention.

He's a 17-year-old who was murdered.

No, but do you think that him and Ozzie knew each other?

No, there's no.

I don't think there's any way they could have ever crossed paths in a million fucking years.

Yes, he could probably name even.

He was 17.

He didn't know his own family.

Seriously.

And like, Ozzy probably thought Youngblood was a waiter.

Yes.

Never mind XX Extension.

He just thought he was going to be able to steal his blood and then become younger.

I do understand.

That's that.

Yeah.

You know, all right, so I have.

Children bring me to the child again.

I know we don't want to go down this road because people come hot.

I legitimately tried young blood.

Eddie does.

No, no, no, no, no.

I have something nice to say.

I have something nice to say.

He seems like a good influence for shitty young children.

You're right.

For

that, I feel.

You're right.

And

I wanted to like him because of that.

You're right.

He's a good idol for tasteless children.

Yes.

Yes.

No, no, no, no, no.

He's a positive.

He is.

He's not a bastard.

No.

And that does help a lot.

I agree.

That really does help.

I agree, but it's not.

But it's like Yacht Rock fucked metal.

Yes.

It's just, it's mole rock.

All right.

So I know you're double mourning, your dad and Ozzie.

Sure.

And I made a move.

Are we recording?

All right.

So I made a move that

I've never...

I might be going too far as far as our friendship goes.

What do you mean?

I think I made a move out of kindness, out of niceness, but I've never done this with another man.

And so I made a move.

I couldn't help myself.

I bought us.

Us.

Us.

Not just you.

You and I.

I wanted, I saw it.

I'm like, Henry needs this.

And I was like, I need it too.

Okay.

So we now

have

matching bathing suits.

I can't get any gayer with you.

This is every time we go out, we get people give us free cake.

People give us free drinks and congratulations.

Love, love should be accepted in all its folds.

I know, I know, even if it's fat and ugly.

I couldn't help it, though, but look at these.

Oh my god, Eddie.

Black Sabbath bathing suit.

This is the worst thing I've ever seen.

And also, thank you.

That is honestly, thank you so much, Eddie.

You know how these are fat people stuff because it smells like donuts.

It does.

They're delicious smelling.

Why do do these smell like?

Why do they smell it?

And the webbing looks like pretty good.

The webbing doesn't look as bad as it usually does.

Yeah, where'd you get what kind of china did you get this from?

I got this from the Black Sabbath store.

Oh, well.

When Ozzie's died, I was like, BlackSabbath.com.

I'm going to help.

I got myself a sweet leaf t-shirt for myself.

That's for me.

Dude, honestly, thank you so much.

This is real.

And they don't like your style.

They're not necessarily my style.

But they're

whenever I can put them on my naked lower torso, I'll think of Ozzie and my father.

And I got you a large and I got me an extra large because I know you're a little tinier than me.

I'm not, though, anymore.

Will they fit?

We might need to switch.

We'll do it at the pool.

Yeah, yeah.

Welcome to Side Stories.

And we'll be wearing these at the pool in Charlotte this weekend.

We're going to be at the night theater on Friday.

I don't think we have a pool in Charlotte.

How about in Durham?

No.

No.

I think the only pool we'll have is pools of blood from the local criminals that we'll have to

do.

They sit in puddles over there, don't they?

Yeah, it's a bunch of puddle life.

But I'll put the bathing suit on and sit in your puddles, Durham.

We'll be there on Saturday at the Carolina Theater.

Come see last podcast on the left.

And if you didn't get your tickets for us at side stores in Asheville at the Orange Peel, you're fucked.

Can't get them.

You're fucked out.

Your shit's fucked, and your shit sucks.

Yeah, stand outside and hope we're loud enough.

That's what I say.

We will be.

Yeah.

We will be, but don't worry, we will be back because we're whores for attention.

And we're really, really excited to be there.

My name is Henry Zaprowski.

I'm sitting here with Ed Larson.

Hello.

And we have a lot of updates.

We have a special episode today.

You know, this has been a long time coming, and I'm excited for people to kind of, they're going to hear some stuff today that we've been waiting to show you.

And I think you're all going to be super, super happy about it.

Oh, my God.

I'm on the Epstein list.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's the big news.

The thing is, though, he wasn't on it, and then he likes paid to get on it.

I added retroactively.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So he didn't do anything, but he just wants to be associated with the people on it.

Love the brand.

Yeah.

Love the brand.

You know, we have so much work going on here in the studio, and I'm producing like three different things right now, and I'm trying to make a movie.

And I found myself yesterday in the middle of all this work,

just what I did to you when I said, hey, Eddie, have you heard of the third Epstein location where he,

it wasn't just the island, was just the london apartment it wasn't just the new york mansion so there's a fourth location that actually there's a whole other epstein side plot um about his new mexican ranch that was put inside of the land of former New Mexico governor Bruce King, who was the number one landholder in America, who allowed Jeffrey Epstein to have a sweetheart deal.

He sold him a huge tract of land in the middle of 120 acres.

Oh, yeah, in the middle of his giant family sections.

They've had these holdings for like 150 years.

They allowed Epstein to move there at a deal and then build what seems to be a giant living underground biodome.

And that led to me doing like 10 tabs.

Yeah.

And there's so much other stuff I'm supposed to do.

And I think that, honestly, I'm grieving.

It happened to me as well.

I immediately brought it up to you.

I brought it up to you and it destroyed our entire pre-show meeting.

Yeah, it really did.

Yeah, because we were supposed to, because then I started talking about,

there's the Italian guy that was connected to the Flavio Briattori, who's the Italian Donald Trump that was connected to Epstein by Naomi Campbell, because Naomi Campbell was recruited by Epstein while he was working with Lex Wexler for

Victoria's Secret.

And nothing's ever got a fucking.

I'm never going to leave this.

Yeah.

I'm never going to leave this.

I mean, it keeps getting bigger.

You know, if you want to hide, put the ranch in old Mexico.

Old town Mexico.

Historic downtown Mexico.

It's called Zoro Ranch.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He loves masks.

But that's not the only...

That's, again, we've decided, I'm just, I just did it to us.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I just sideswept the whole show.

No, it's fine.

Again.

But we don't know enough to really talk about it yet.

We're just learning.

It's just we could just jibber-jabber about shit, but I'd rather do that about things that don't matter as much.

As much.

Yes.

Yes, because there is other stories.

Number one, the number one story across our desk.

I don't think anything has ever been sent to me more.

No.

I've been so excited for today.

Everyone knows everyone's favorite.

Impromptu, making fun of the audience, quote-unquote, comedian Matt Rife, who sort of is slowly transitioning into an older lesbian woman.

He has leased

the Warren home and some of the horror collectibles inside of it, one of which being Annabelle the Doll.

Woo!

Now, Matt Reif, he's not a talented comedian.

I actually think that he's...

He's a big statement coming from Henry Zebrowski.

We all know.

He's playing Madison Square Garden Sue.

You know who else did?

The American Nazi Party.

And so Matt Reif is

you know, he's fine.

You know, whatever.

He's fine.

He's just a bro comedian.

People like him.

All right.

But he has decided to kind of stick his head into the paranormal slash occult slash haunted object business world.

He says that he's a mega fan of the conjuring universe.

Which is, I mean, he loves IP, I guess, which makes sense.

I now believe Matt Reif, much like many of the comedians within these spheres, which you guys may or may not know, I think the audience might even like the fact that a lot of them are becoming Catholic.

They're becoming religious.

Well, it's this new.

No one becomes Catholic.

You leave Catholicism.

Dude, I now know several people that were very good friends of mine that have become Catholic.

Man.

COVID was bad for everybody.

That's crazy.

COVID hurt people.

Is there at least like wives telling them to do this?

No, sir.

God.

Oh, no.

Guilt.

No.

Gacians.

There we go.

Now we're talking about it.

Now we're talking about it.

Hold on.

You're telling me I can eat this dude?

And then people don't care that I'm a

rapist no more?

You're correct, sir.

Welcome to the team.

And so Matt Reif is moving, I think, in a Christian way.

I think people that say that they're a fan of the Conjuring franchise, what do we know about the Conjuring?

It's about...

the Warrens that are Catholic superheroes.

Famous frauds.

We did a whole series on it.

Yes.

And now Annabelle has been doing, you know, whether or not...

Yes.

Yes.

And whether or not you believe Annabelle is real or not,

shit's going down, right?

Burnt down plantation, killed her handler, killed her road manager.

She's now, again, for a while, you remember, because this is what's happened, is that we heard that Annabelle was missing.

Then...

It was right after Dan Rivera died.

All of a sudden, this Matt Reif news hits the news.

Also, when Dan Rivera died, we didn't talk about this.

All the 911 lines went down in Gettysburg.

Yes.

No, we talked about it briefly.

Well, he had, we did, but then he died.

It's weird.

That's a scene.

Man has a heart attack and 911 goes down.

Can't get to him.

Crazies.

All right, go ahead.

I'm sorry.

No, no, please.

So

I guess the way this thing is worked out.

So in this interim period, Bad Rife comes out and says that essentially they've leased.

this property.

So Tony Sparrah also, he came out, you know, obviously with his painted on beard.

And the first thing he said was, we would never sell Annabelle.

We would never sell any haunted object in the Warren home.

Will I pimp her out?

Yes.

Yeah.

So Tony Sparra has now become Annabelle's pimp.

Apparently.

Annabelle is Tony Sparra's bottom bitch now, right?

Well, top bitch.

I mean, this is big, man.

Bottom bitch in the term is actually the top bitch.

The bottom bitch means the ones that don't never leave.

I never learned too much about pimp culture.

I'll tell you all about it.

Come over over to my, let me hit you in the head with my chalice.

You're going to love it when we're having cesirup in the Riviera, my friend.

But the, so,

so Tony Sparra, he's Annabelle's pimp, Annabelle's prostitute during this time period.

Matt Reif, I can imagine, because we haven't seen Annabelle since the announcement, I'm going to guarantee she's going to have some work done.

Matt Reif is going to be bringing her to his doctor.

They're going to get her new tits.

They're going to make her a woman.

Wow.

That's what I'm thinking.

What do we think?

Are Annabelle's fakies going to be like cloth or are they going to be like breasts?

They better be silicone.

Right?

That's why I want to feel them.

Why not?

I want to be able to see the dents of my fingertips in them.

What if, like, you get it, you take Annabelle to the plastic surgeon and you get her there and you're like, we want to put new breasts on her.

And then he's like, oh, okay.

And then he's like getting in there.

He's like, oh my God.

Yeah, yeah.

My God, this haunted doll is stage for haunted doll breast cancer.

We can't put breasts on.

We must remove them.

Oh, my God.

How do you do it?

How do you take blood from a stone?

All of this to say.

So Matt Rife.

Does not own Annabelle.

No, he's her John.

He is.

He has bought her for five years.

He's leased her.

Leased her.

Yes, he's like Tesla.

yes

he has leased her um just to make money off of this and i think partially it was what eddie brought one thing that eddie brought up right before the show which is the idea that well if they're touring in maine the warren family and its entire foundation needs money they probably need money yes if they're and there's still tickets available in maine so i mean if it's not selling out after dan rivera dies What I think is

Dan Rivera was holding this deal back.

And then he got moved out of the way.

And he dies, and then a week later, this happens.

Sounds like somebody was obstructing, right?

Yeah.

So maybe Annabelle isn't the killer.

Maybe the killer

could be,

hypothetically, Tony Sparrow.

Wow.

I love coming back.

Rob's shaking his head now.

Blazing at time.

Certain time.

I keep, we're waiting for a response.

Waiting for a response.

You know what, though?

I'll give you a serious answer, though.

Yeah.

Because my little sparrows and my

little sparrows.

That's a big sparrow.

I get it.

That's a little overweight sparrow.

My spiders in the corner and my watchers, my eyes everywhere.

I have eyes everywhere.

And they whisper little things to me.

They whisper little pieces of information to me.

And one of those pieces of information, I got, then I'm not going to reveal the source.

No, you can't reveal your source.

But I believe that what we're seeing here is actually

a hostile corporate occult takeover.

Okay.

Matt Reif,

I believe, from what I've heard, has connections to Zach Baggins.

Yes.

Zach Baggins is looking for market control.

Current haunted doll owner,

Zach Baggins.

He owns Peggy.

I think what we're seeing here is a Wolf of Wall Street style switcheroo.

Oh, here we go.

Tying in Wolf of Wall Street.

But it's just in terms of the idea, you have a guy, there's a term for it where you have a man come in, it's like a proxy that comes in and buys stock at a low price in your stead and then sells them as they go up and they basically kicks it back to you.

I think Matt Reif is a tool of Zach Bagans' paranormal business extension, and he is trying to bring Annabelle and the Warren crew underneath the Bagans umbrella from the outside.

Okay, so so he's got his big exhibit in Vegas.

Yes.

And also, no one's going to Vegas right now.

No.

If you heard about this, no, Vegas is in trouble.

Vegas is in big trouble.

So they want to build up this thing.

It's all hypotheticals.

We're talking hypotheticals.

Sure.

But Zach Bagans owns this giant occult museum.

And now

his boy

owns...

Some of the most notorious occult items in history.

This is an IP move.

This is a Zaslov style.

This is like when Disney bought Fox.

This is exactly what this is.

This is a corporate move.

This is what Matt Reif thinks he's bringing to the space.

Matt Reif has a bunch of like probably crooked Russian money men that he talks to all the time, much like everybody else that we know in the podcasting industry.

And he is, he's got, he's got a little whispers in his own head.

I think they're all trying to bring it under the fold to sell some big old television show.

But guess who's no one?

Guess who's no one asked?

Guess who's the one person no one asked about any of this?

What?

You?

Annabelle.

Oh,

nobody's asked Annabelle.

Annabelle is being shuffled around like she's Julia Roberts looking for a part amongst the Weinstein brothers.

If at any point Annabelle

passed back and forth, like treated like a little hole.

Yes.

Oh, absolutely.

That's what's going on here, just like Julia Roberts.

Just like, was she treated that way?

She slept to the top.

Really?

That's according the blind items.

I don't know.

She slept her way to the top.

She's very talented.

Sure, and probably got that.

She apparently had a fucking clamor that wouldn't snap shut.

Do you know that?

Do you know who paid for her hospital bill when she was born?

Julia Roberts?

Yeah.

Who?

Martin Luther King Jr.

Because he like he had the hots for her mom and then they were broke when she got born and so Martin Luther King Jr.

paid for the hospital bill when Julia Roberts was born.

What the fuck are you talking about?

I'm telling you that.

How do you know that?

That's just random Julia Roberts facts.

I just got an amazing.

Did you look that up, bro?

Side stories at LPOT.

Side stories, LBC.

It's real.

It's very real.

Who randomly pays for a birth?

That's kind of crazy.

Can I just go to a fucking.

Can I just go to a hospital?

I got that one.

I got that one.

I was saying, don't worry about that one.

No, let me see the mother.

Let me see the mother.

Yeah, I got that one.

Is that what that is?

Yeah, man.

He did.

It's totally real.

That's fucked.

Martin Luther King King Jr.

paid the bill for Julia Roberts' birth.

Here's the backstory.

NPR is reporting this.

NPR.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The world is finally learning the thrilling fact that Julia Roberts' birth is exactly the thrilling fact.

My brother King Jr.

and Coretta Scott King.

So maybe it wasn't dubious.

So is the fucking

connection to this article, family?

What date is this article?

This article is from a while ago.

This is from November 2022.

Okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What?

Yeah.

So wait, so out of the goodness of their hearts?

They were friends.

They were friends.

And she comes from a poor family.

And so they paid for her hospital bills.

I've never heard that before.

Yeah.

For them.

So funny.

Wow, what a random fact.

Yeah, that's a good random fact.

Yeah, it really is.

Well, we'll wrap up.

Now we know with this, and we're going to see what happens now.

I just think it's wonderful that

the Warrens are the most notorious frauds, and that Matt Reif is also the most notorious fraud as a comedian.

Now they're all in bed together.

It's actually very beautiful.

Well, to be honest, we're just seeing that a lot, aren't we, Eddie?

Yes, we're seeing that a lot.

All the villains are really getting along well, which is, it's fine, but

they can go and make this money.

But again, no one's asked Annabelle.

So Annabelle.

You know what to do.

Yeah, I mean, you're being forced to perform right now.

People are, they're saying they're going to do sleepovers.

But that's the the thing.

He's opening up the Warren House to an Airbnb situation.

He's doing all of this stuff.

If he calls it a scare BNB, I said it first.

Yes.

He has been.

He said Scare BNB.

I've been saying Scare BNB for years.

He's been saying.

That's my ship.

Scare BNB.

Scare BNB.

Give him the money.

Go fuck yourself.

Give him the money.

I said it.

But it's right in the camera.

Scare BNB.

We'll see if he actually gets any money, though.

We'll see if he gets any money.

What, Scare BNB?

I didn't Google it.

Yeah.

No, he never did.

He didn't.

Are they haunted house Airbnb?

Yeah.

Oh.

Oh, sorry.

He's not trying to make money, but at least he can't get it.

I mean, technically, I'm performing it in my stand-ups.

Yes, very much.

I makes a little money off of it.

I'm going to keep saying it.

Yeah, you could say it.

I didn't know this existed.

I don't think it's real.

It's parallel thinking.

No, we do.

Paranormal thinking.

Pair, thank you.

You're right.

It is paranormal thinking.

Five from North Lake.

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So, Annabelle, you go do.

We have another update.

It really would be the best new Annabelle movie.

Like, her killing

this comedian.

I don't know.

Don't even bring it up.

I mean, it's going to get made.

Well, this is probably what Matt Reif is doing.

Like, Annabelle World Tour.

It's her going across the country.

I know.

Causing chaos.

He's going to start bringing her on stage in these arenas.

Yeah.

I mean, and then what?

Do they have a travel stop situation?

I feel like if you're gonna go see Annabelle, you have to consent to going to see Annabelle.

You can't, Annabelle can't be thrust upon people.

I can pretty much guarantee he's gonna do something that makes people upset with Annabelle.

Imagine if you're like at a Jerry Seinfeld concert and he comes out and then he just brings out a fucking haunted doll without telling anybody.

I give him standing ovation

finally.

Finally.

All right.

We have another update, nowhere near as important, but the

only story that mattered.

The only story that actually mattered, we just told, but the only unimportant story.

Married couple that was found stabbed to death in the Devil's Den Arkansas Park, which is we've covered.

Honestly, it's a very sad story.

They were brutally, brutally murdered.

They went looking for the guy who, like, immediately they said it was some weird white man,

blah, blah, blah.

They got him that day.

Yeah.

Andrew James McGann.

Now, this young gentleman from Springdale, Arkansas, 28 years old, was a teacher, was caught getting his hair cut.

And people were saying they thought that he was getting his hair cut to hide his identity.

I think it was just because the school year was coming up.

That's what they say.

Yeah, they say it looks like he was getting his hair cut because he was about to become a teacher in a couple of days.

So he's a teacher.

He was a, I believe he did elementary school and high school.

He did elementary school.

He did high school in Oklahoma, and then he did elementary school somewhere else.

And he was released from both jobs.

The way that they scrambled, I was watching a news report on it, and the way they scrambled to erase him

from any yearbook that he was in is, and again, there's just nobody, nobody's faster than the internet audience.

Elementary school, Flower Mound, Texas was where he was.

Oh, Flower Mound.

Yeah.

That's a horrible name for elementary school.

It just makes me think of children, a mass child's grave.

Yeah, fake cocaine, Texas.

Yeah, I was like, God.

And so

this is a...

So

people immediately are like, how the fuck is he a teacher?

He apparently was fired from one of these jobs, the elementary school job, for disturbing behavior.

He was placed on administrative leave in spring of 2023.

He was actually fired.

For following concerns related to classroom management, professional judgment, and student favoritism.

Now,

the way that reporters and other people within the teaching, I guess, industry, you'd call it, were talking about this subject kind of deeply frightened me.

And I think it's only just because

I'm ignorant.

But the way they talked about...

Ignorant.

I'm ignorant.

Is that because the way they talked about having a job as a teacher, they compared it to construction workers and COVID nurses where they said it's a great place for drifting like criminals.

I didn't think about it like that.

They will hire anyone to be a substitute teacher.

And so this guy was just a substitute teacher to make money.

I don't know if he was doing it for the kids.

It doesn't seem like he was abusive towards students.

There's no evidence to say he was ever abusive towards students, but

he didn't kill these kids that were with the parents either.

Well, it's only because the kids got away.

The mom

of the two that was murdered, she actually did an insane job holding him.

Like, he killed the father pretty instantly.

She and him fought for a very long time that allowed the kids to get away.

And she got the kids to safety, then came back, and that's when she got killed, apparently.

Yes.

And so she fought hard to save the kids.

And so that's like, she's a hero.

He,

it's, it's just this, like, it was completely random.

And they're saying some like previous parents that have dealings with him, they were saying that he was a weird guy.

Yeah, I mean, I know that's funny.

It's crazy to say looking at him.

No, I mean, he looks terrifying.

I know.

I guess it's one of those people like, he looks like the devil himself.

Yeah.

You know, he's got a crazy face.

I look at him as just a standard, evil, broccoli-headed white boy.

He's got pig nose.

You know, he's just this broccoli-headed child in a way that

I wouldn't like the look of him normally.

No, no, no.

He's definitely scary looking.

He looks like a steroid monster, even though I'm just looking at his face.

He very well might be.

I don't know what causes you to just sort of randomly attack a group of people that are hiking.

He obviously tried.

His Mazda that he escaped with had tape across the numbers.

Oh, really?

So they knew that, but they knew that they've just followed it, apparently, which is how they found it at the barbershop eventually.

I mean, the fact that this murder was so random.

Makes me think like there's a chance there's others.

Oh, that's it.

Especially when you're jumping from state to state like this.

and he did it very poorly did very very poorly he was uh you spread his dna all over the crime scene but i that's then part of me wonders is it the opposite was this the first go yeah because like he had no significant plan it's maybe just an idea he had in his head yeah it seemed it all seemed it's just so random and that's obviously the scariest part of it oh yes very much so yeah but the uh they the uh the police say they uh had a lot of help from uh the arkansas people they get over 500 tips before they found him, and they got this fatherfucker.

Yeah, you know, and I think that that's really awesome.

Good work, guys.

We got him, and now it's definitely no more crime ever again in Arkansas.

Never.

And it was their DNA, I think, that they actually ended up catching him.

Yes, he spread his DNA all over the whole thing, and that's how they confirmed it was him.

But obviously, he still has to go to trial.

It's going to be a whole thing, but he might play out at this point.

Yeah.

All right, we got some other, I got another little update that I just want to read this email on butt sniffing.

There's a couple emails on butt sniffing.

We came up, we talked about last week about the Burbank butt sniffer that was captured for sniffing butts throughout Hollywood, the valley.

He was walking around, you know, getting on all fours.

He loves a Barnes and Noble.

He loved a Barnes and Noble.

And he would sniff butts.

And we asked you guys the question about, obviously, it's a crime, but what's the crime?

Like, what do you do here?

Like, what do you do with a butt sniffer?

So here, this is what I get.

Sounds like a song.

What do you do

with that old-fashioned butt sniffer?

What do you do with a butt sniffer boy?

A butt sniffer boy.

A butt sniffer boy.

What do you do with a butt sniffer boy?

You sniff it.

Poke his nose right up.

All right.

I work as a phone sex operator and I talk to a lot of men who are sex offenders.

Okay.

The reason the butt sniffer sniffs butts in public isn't for the smells, it's for the effect he's having on the women he is sniffing.

We talked about it a little bit.

Predators like this enjoy the thrill of violating someone without the consequences.

Like Henry said, they always escalate.

They always escalate.

Criminal activity will start with things like peeping and things that seem relatively harmless, but

they will escalate.

And according to this person, I've spoken with many registered sex offenders that say that the only way to stop this behavior is imprisonment or chemical castration.

Yikes.

Wow.

Do it with Borax.

How about the legal analysis?

This guy's, this is very interesting to me.

Do you want me to take this one?

Oh, sure.

Please keep this email anonymous as I am a lawyer.

I am not.

Thanks, Greg.

Yeah, I'm not your lawyer.

His name's not Greg.

And I just don't need the notoriety that it no doubt follows a definitive legal opinion and the legality of butt sniffing.

As you stated, the suspect was charged with loitering with intent to commit a crime.

And he was charged this way because loitering alone is not a crime in California unless the perp intended to commit another crime.

Oh, Oh,

what was the crime?

Battery requires physical contact between the perp and the victim.

That didn't happen.

Assault requires a reasonable fear of imminent contact between the perp and the victim.

And lewd sniffing alone does not rise to that level.

Wow.

Just like blowing an unsolicited kiss to a stranger is creepy, but it also doesn't rise to that level.

Stalking or harassment are possibilities if he was asked to stop and did not, but the victim must be aware of the stalking harassment and it must be repeated.

To date, there hasn't been reported that the victims allege any of this.

It is also not a trespass, unless the perp was asked to leave the store by management and he refused.

Also,

if there had been some don't sniff butts in public condition to his probation and yes, a court can set conditions like this, police would have seen that in his record and he definitely would have been charged with a probation violation instead of lawyering.

Unfortunately, I don't think this is a crime.

I'm not defending him.

He's clearly a career criminal with some likely mental health issues and probably won't stop as long as he's outside a facility, but I don't see how you charge him with anything here.

Yeah, it's going to be difficult to get him for something.

It's just,

you just have to put it on the record.

Yeah, and how do you, yeah, you have to just put it on the record and then he has to be told he can't sniff butts anymore in a court of law.

But I also did not get any emails about yoga pants and whether or not it does stifle butt smells.

You're right.

I don't think it does.

No one ever answered the question I posed.

I just see, I saw one person say that it's more to stop the smell of sweating

and workout smells.

Well, yeah.

All sorts of things.

Dude, I was watching, I saw some, and the random, for some reason, randomly this came up.

It was a gum.

I read it.

Some old wrestler telling a story of

what's his name?

Dusty roads yeah wrestling dusty rhodes and he said that he was with a bunch of big guys he was in it was him dusty rhodes andre the giant and they said they did this thing where he didn't understand what they were he walked in and before they're they were going out for the night and they were wrapping toilet paper around their two front fingers and sticking it in the back of their pants and they're like what the hell are you doing he's like what are you doing he's like what we do is when you're a big guy um i don't know if you know sometimes shit and like whatever will slide out of you, right?

And all this piece.

So to keep us nice and for the smell and for the girls, we stick these little rolls of toilet paper between our butt cheeks up against their butthole.

They called it a muffler, a muffler, right?

They called him a muffler.

And he said, so this guy was wrestling Dusty Rhodes, and he said that.

It was one of the worst nights of his life.

He had pulled, it was like one of the second or third time he was doing some feature thing.

He was pulling him into a pile driver, and he said he couldn't get him over.

So he grabbed him by his ass cheek, right, to grab him, to pull him over.

And as he's pulling him over, the muffler shoots out of him onto the mat in the middle of the wrestling match.

And he said he looked down on it, he looked at the muffler, and it was yellow, brown, and red.

Yeah.

And he said he started heaving, right?

He's trying to throw up.

Like he was going to throw up, heaving, right?

And so someone in the audience started screaming, his fucking tampon flew out.

He's got a fucking tampon.

And he was the whole thing.

The wrestling crowd.

Yep.

I know.

Just made me think of that.

God, what a muffler, huh?

A muffler can't come out.

You got to keep that in there.

That's a good move, though, for a big man.

You know, it's hard being a big man.

I've had the big man life.

Sometimes you just got to go in the bathroom for a wipe.

Honestly, that's the only reason you're going in there.

Truly, though?

That bidet.

That bidet saved a fat man's life, and you should get one.

I got gold bond.

I'm fine.

Dude, spray your butthole with water.

I clean my ass when I go in the shower.

Do you not get in there when you're in the shower?

Sometimes, yeah, but now I don't have to as much because now I get sprayed in the bud with my bidet.

But there's no soap involved.

No, you don't need soap necessarily involved.

When you're...

Yes, you do.

Oh, yeah, I'm the outside of the butthole, but they get the shit just off of it.

You just need to blast water on it.

I don't know.

I don't think it does the job you think it's doing.

No, I get the shit off of it, and then I wash it later on.

Guys, people are not going to be happy about all the shit talk.

Well, this is our show.

This is how we catch up.

You hear that, folks?

We're being censored by our producer.

We are just hitting my bonk.

Yeah, I want you to do some more bleeps, censor me.

Oh, Mr.

Bonk.

Get you still with you.

Oh, they say, oh, they'll censor themselves.

Whatever.

All right, here are you correct.

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Let's talk about this real quick.

Four radioactive wasp nests.

Yes, this was such a fun story.

Now,

this is just one of those where no one wants to fuck with the wasps.

I understand, right?

We're trying to keep these wasps alive.

That's the bug.

The bug.

Not skinny ladies.

Not Gwyneth Paltros.

So this is a Cold War-era nuclear facility in South Carolina.

And these, I guess wasps have built

these nests inside of them.

Yeah.

And they are on the outside.

Yes.

Yeah.

And they've become completely contaminated with radioactive material.

And now scientists don't know what to do with them.

Why not just kill them?

They are.

I don't know.

They said.

I guess you can't shoot fire at them.

They're attached to a radioactive facility.

It was probing.

Apparently, the nest was probing or the containment unit that one of them was next to was testing at

the contamination level of radiation was greater than 10 times the total contamination values listed in federation federal regulations for areas that require contamination posting and monitoring.

So basically, it's real unhealthy, and the wasps love it.

Yeah.

But why not just hit them with some wasp spray?

I don't know.

I think they're worried about what's going to happen.

Yes.

They're saying there's no,

they're not worried, but if you're not going to kill them, then you must be worried.

Well, that's the thing.

Yeah.

Why do you keep saying if you're not worried, if it's a thing that you can't seem to do anything about and you're saying you're not worried about?

Yes.

We wouldn't know about it.

If it was just wasps on a thing,

how would have we?

That's a maintenance job.

That's what a janitor does.

Yeah.

Right.

We shouldn't be hearing about this then if it's not a problem.

Wasps usually don't venture further than a hundred yards from their nests.

So that's like one of the other things that they're that why they're not that worried because they're going to stay close to the facility.

And so if they're not.

So it's just fine for these radioactive wasps to be right here.

That is their football field sized home that they've now taken over.

This is their home.

Don't go to the wasps field.

Apparently they are spraying them too and removing some of them.

Oh, okay.

All right.

Yeah.

What would happen if you got like stung by a radioactive wasp?

I turn into wasp men.

Don't you?

Isn't this what they're doing?

Isn't this the ulterior purpose for this?

It's to create an undefeatable army of wasp men?

Yeah.

That's what's happening.

That's what's happening.

Mad Rife is helping.

That's what's happening.

They said that you would just get an allergic reaction similar to a regular wasp sting.

Why is this on the news then?

Then it doesn't matter.

Why is this on the news then?

If this isn't a problem, I feel like somebody is like this came out and then a bunch of scientists talked to a reporter and they gave them a bunch of bullshit reasons of why it's fine.

They're like, don't worry.

Oh, wasps like to stay home.

Yeah, I think

a single sting would be minimal

with the problems that would come up.

But if you got stung by a bunch of radioactive wasps, then you might get hurt.

Yeah.

If you get stung by a bunch of radioactive wasps, yeah, that sucks for you.

Yeah, it does suck.

And there's nothing to do about it.

I mean, I imagine that's just like a new way to get hammered in South Carolina.

Why did they tell us?

It seems that there's nothing they could do about it.

There's nothing they can really do about it.

They're not worried about doing anything about it anyway.

They're also like, they seem completely not concerned, but somebody's concerned because the wasps got radiation on them and in them.

I think

that the words.

It just seems like a lot of factors and a lot of like, well, what are you going to do?

I just think that it is,

and we are, we are victims now as well.

I think that the words radioactive and wasp next to each other is very appealing.

Tell me that.

To someone who reads the news on a regular basis.

Radioactive wasps, great new worry.

Yeah, yeah, excellent new way to be nervous.

But it seems like it doesn't matter.

No.

Well, it's filed under insects, nuclear power, nuclear weapons, radiation, South Carolina, United States, and 8325.

Yeah, it feels like you almost like, in a way, using the tags positioned, especially now that, you know, things are heating up between Indian nuclear weapons.

Like, like, they just put that all together

into a thing where it's just like,

I feel like something else is going to come out of the story.

Also, it's like, you know, 30 years old, you know, this Cold War site, like when did the Cold War end in 1991?

So, like, this is like 30-something years old.

And now we're like, they should be strong by now.

Who, the wasps?

Yes.

Yes.

If they were going to be

like, if it was a danger,

we like by now, they should be extremely dangerous and gigantic if anything was going to happen.

Yes.

At this point in time, this would be around the time that we'd have our first chihuahua-sized radioactive wasps you're correct you're correct it should be around this time when we see a half-man half wasp like

you're right yeah so i think i don't think we got to worry about this so why did we even hear about that they started cleaning the place up in 96 and they say it won't be done being cleaned until 2065.

that's cause that's what happens you do it a union job

that's what that's what i say no we love our union people we love our union people here no it's because of the radiation yeah we love our union people because we love breaks.

I love a break.

Oh my God.

Give me a break.

Can I actually

do you mind?

We want to take a break.

Unfortunately,

we're not unionized yet.

We have to fucking work.

Well, I got a story that I want to talk about.

If you're not going to let me go on break, no, please.

There's Denmark.

This is a big story.

Stop the presses.

Stop the

Peter Beck.

Is a great artist.

Jeff Beck's cousin.

Yes.

A C-H.

Oh, sorry.

Beck.

That kind of Beck.

He is being criticized for his mermaid statue because it has

perfect breasts.

Now,

this is.

This one makes me kind of angry.

Yes.

All right.

Because, first of all, this is an Amsterdam, right?

Denmark.

Still.

Right?

This is a horny group of people.

These are Europeans.

They show bush hair on primetime television.

Yes.

Right?

This is that's what's going on in this part of the world.

So they're mad about this mermaid statue.

13-foot-tall, big mermaid statue at Draeger Ford, part of Copenhagen's part of Copenhagen.

It is a, but yes, it is a part of the news.

Yeah, they are Copenhagen.

He did give this mermaid magnificent tips.

I mean, they are phenomenal.

So, but the thing is, I don't, I'm I'm going to say, they're not that unrealistic.

No, they're not that unrealistic.

They are.

The thing is.

They're great boobs.

So the complaint is they're setting an unrealistic idea of the woman's body.

It's a statue.

Of a mermaid.

It's not a woman.

It's not a woman.

It's a mermaid.

It's a mermaid.

That's not a woman.

It's a fictional thing.

Yeah, mermaids got great cans.

If you want to look like a mermaid, I don't...

Chop your legs off, attach a half a trout.

That's exactly right.

I don't think you got to worry so much about the breasts as much as you do about the gills.

Because I don't think mermaids make milk.

No.

Well, this one certainly does.

Yeah, I mean, it needs to be.

It seems to be on the F side of the tank.

Some people are calling it pornographic.

Those are people that shame.

larger chested women and men.

Apparently, though, of the people who are complaining about the mermaid's breasts, there are way more people who like them.

Of course.

That is the main issue.

It's a mermaid.

It's a mermaid.

I don't, I think that, I think if it had small breasts, it would look like a child.

I think it would look like a preteen.

Okay.

I think that it's better when it's got big old swingers because you know it's of age.

Yes.

You know that's a full-grown woman.

They say they complain because her arms are kind of together.

Yeah.

They say like she's pushing her breasts up to make them look hotter.

She's trying to perch herself up on the rock.

Yeah.

You dirty fuckers.

Also, you're the fucking, you're the problem with it.

It's not like she's sucking on her nipples.

Yeah, she's trying to become human.

She's trying to woo a human

so she can lose the fucking fish bottom and get some legs.

You know what I think is actually more pornographic is when they put two starfish on them, sucking on her nipples.

That is weird.

That's bestiality.

It gets so much worse.

Yeah.

That is way worse.

You're right, Henry.

Thank you.

Let's move the Copenhagen.

I just don't think the statue's all that unrealistic.

It's not, well, that's what the guy says.

Women got good boobs.

Yeah.

He says that.

My wife's got great tits.

Compared to her height.

Julie also has wonderful breasts, but we shouldn't be talking about that.

But they're saying that comparatively, because she's 13 feet tall, these really aren't that big of breasts.

Because of how tall she is.

Poor horny council members just trying to figure out how to statue.

Listen,

I think that if we looked at the actual mass of the woman, if we actually projected the actual biological factors,

it's like, all right, Sven,

you're fucking horny, man.

The tits are staying in the movie.

Yeah, it was first erected.

in Langley Pier in Copenhagen in 2006, but was denounced by locals and removed in 2018.

So now it's back.

And now they're trying to get rid of it again.

Europe needs to figure itself out.

Are you horny and liberal and cool or not?

I think when you go north, it's less.

Because again, it's cold.

It's the whites.

But I also feel like they're not getting horny.

I think

they get secret horny.

It's too cold outside.

But wouldn't you be more corny?

Wouldn't you be more horny like in a warm place when it's cold outside of the place?

Yeah.

I mean, these are, you know, these are the people that are notoriously some of the hottest people in the world.

Yes.

you know denmark sweden you know the this area no they're very beautiful people yeah so i mean i say let the mermaid stay i mean just

why you got to take so much so much from us yeah there's a war going on like five wars let us have the mermaid with the nice breasts this mermaid just wants to be it's not it's not even offended anybody babies look at that and they just think lunch yeah you know and we're supposed to be cool with breastfeeding in public I think everyone on earth likes breasts.

Yeah, I don't think.

I think even gay men like breasts.

Yes.

I think everyone's like, breasts are fucking awesome.

Yeah.

You know,

so why get rid of them?

Yeah, it's not like it's

because even penises, like an erect penis.

We had this long conversation.

If you had two dicks for tits, that'd be interesting.

It'd be interesting.

I still want to see the statue.

Don't know if it should stay.

See, that's a double standard.

See, if you had dicks for tits, guess what?

I'd fucking

as as well.

Yeah, you commissioned that.

Yeah.

I'm already calling a guy.

I'm calling my marble guy.

You know, my guy, Giuseppe.

So, I like what you did here with the breasts, but what if we lock those off and

put it two dicks?

That's an incredible idea.

Bengo, Ms.

Zabrowski.

What an amazing idea.

I think we got just enough of marble to make a nicer set of balls.

Oh, a horrific cage you used to be.

Oh, my God.

Do you think they're going to to give this mermaid a breast reduction?

Don't.

Why do anything?

I think that.

Why are we making anything?

I think they should, if there would be

a breast reduction over time from people just rubbing them so much.

That's the idea.

Yeah.

Let nature fix it.

Yeah.

Or toss a prawner.

Yeah.

If you can't handle it.

All right.

When it's Kinter Day, when it's Kinter Day and all the kids are parading outside of the elementary schools, they're all fucking bra on her.

Yeah, you hear that?

Soreen Gulfstriffson?

Yeah, you fucking, you prude.

Yeah, he says the statue's vulgar and unlikely to promote positive self-images.

Dude, this is literally, you know how many times I talk to poor beleaguered women with giant breasts

that are made to feel this way.

I feel so bad for these ladies.

And they shouldn't be.

There's nothing pornographic about your simple, natural body.

You're a woman.

Yes.

Show it.

I got big tits.

He shows them.

You know why?

Because I earned them.

I made them.

These two hands and this mouth.

Okay?

So you don't fucking let these people put you down.

Yeah.

Just because you got big, awesome breasts doesn't mean you're a second-class citizen.

Except for Sidney Sweeney.

She's proving to be complicated.

She is proving to be complicated.

I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt that I just read a little bit.

Just don't.

this seems

very complicated.

She is a complicated woman.

She seems to be...

She's a child, actually.

Complicated woman child.

She's not a child.

She's like 27 or something.

Man, that's not a child.

Her brain's not solid yet.

27 is the number.

Oh, yeah, 25.

Yeah, that's like when I can start treating you like a human being.

Yeah, that's when you can start yelling at you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

There is, speaking of not treating people like human beings, there was this one story that I just found interesting.

A 76-year-old man accused of giving children sedative-laced candy at a local summer camp.

This actually happens quite a bit.

Kids don't want a nap.

No.

Too much sugar.

He also gave it to, yeah, it doesn't seem like he was trying to sexually assault any children or anything like that.

It seems like he just wanted some nap time.

He just wanted him to go to sleep.

I feel like there should be less time for that.

I know it's bad and it's poisoning the children.

God knows sugar can kill them, obviously.

But I think that truly, it it could be very, it's a funny idea.

I feel like if you say, as long as you didn't suck any of their little penises, then it's obviously a less crime.

Yeah.

You know what's funny is like, if it was like an 80s comedy, this would be hilarious.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, this is a funny plot point where everyone laughed and talked about it for years.

You remember the sheriff doing all the pranks and all the gang?

All of these things were just like

just two decades away from being in a Anim Sandler movie.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But

John Rubin, 76.

Don't have a 76-year-old man watch children at a summer camp, by the way.

I don't even know.

He's too hot for him.

He's going to melt.

No, no, no, no.

You need a younger person for that.

Yeah, he's charged with three counts of willful ill-treatment of a child.

Connection to an incident from Laisheshire.

Who gives a shit?

Police received a report on Sunday, July 27th, that the children at a summer camp in Statham Lodge were feeling unwell.

And then they all went to the hospital.

Eight boys between the ages of eight and 11 and one adult.

Wow.

So he drugged an adult, too.

Wow.

So he really wanted some peace and quiet.

He just was looking for, he just wants some shut eye.

Yeah.

You know,

you know, my pop-up would have very gladly put us all to sleep.

Oh, my God.

Well, they did that.

They put a little whiskey on their finger and shove it in a baby's mouth.

No, they did it to me.

Gave me Bendryl when I wanted to, when they needed me to calm down.

Yeah.

See, I was a very calm baby.

Yeah.

But I was laced with cheeseburgers.

Yeah, they knew.

Yeah, I got them early.

Yeah,

we might as well give them some more tobacco smoke.

I recently found a picture of me and my first cheeseburger, and I was a baby.

Oh, yeah.

My fingers were barely able to hold.

You should not have been eating solid food yet.

That's why your throat got so big.

And honestly, God bless your parents for doing it.

Hell yeah.

Bye from North Way.

This just ended Breaking Side Stories News.

Just got back from getting my hair dyed.

Yeah, what the hell happened?

It was in the middle of the episode.

Did you put your finger in a socket?

No, I'm full baby Billy.

You're full baby Billy.

Yeah, all right, no.

Not Doc Brown.

Not Doc Brown.

Not Doc Brown.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But Cox!

So, first,

I'm angry.

Now I'm angry.

So, first of all, just so you know, that

we had to step away from the episode because we had a very special guest come in.

And I think we can even say it, right?

Can we say it or no?

No, let's keep it a secret.

All right, we were going to wait.

We're going to add it to the end of this episode, but we're not doing it yet.

It's going to come out again.

It ended up being bigger than we thought it was going to be.

Yeah, it's really fun.

But then I'll tell you kind of more so about what went down after it comes out.

But we got a fun update, which we never get in the middle of an episode.

Oh, what happened?

The thing you just sent me about how angry the Warren grandson is.

Oh,

the one that is underneath Lorraine.

and Ed Warren, the grandson that's still alive.

He is coming out and he is fully against the sale.

He's saying that this destroys the reputation of the entire Warren family, their world of research.

He seems like he believes.

Well, I think he has to believe.

He has to keep Kayfabe.

Someone has to.

Yes, it's true.

You know, like, we can't, like, these other guys are breaking it.

They're all breaking.

They're all showing all the works.

But maybe, why wasn't it willed to him?

And why does Tony Sperra have control and he doesn't have control?

Probably because he's bad at shit.

Yeah.

I imagine the grandson's super bad at stuff and not good at running the business.

Yeah.

I mean, I don't know.

He's probably going to come after me illegally now.

Yeah, he's a Nepo Rosemary's baby.

Whoa, interesting.

Yes.

You know what I think?

I would actually like for him to come on the show if we could.

If we could get, what's his name?

The Warren Legacy?

I feel like we've burned our bridges with these people.

No, no.

I'm telling you.

You hear that, you Nesper cocksucker.

Way.

But I'm going to say, Nesper, you're going to allow yourselves to get cucked by that duck-mouthed female comedian.

That's what we're going to do here you're alls and yourselves get caught first of all let's not talk badly about female comedians like that you're right you know they are i mean they don't deserve that that he's he's the young blood of the comedy

legitimately

rob yes he is the young blood i'm ready to pay the rifer

oh

oh

but you see you know all right it's so funny i was like i was at home before this and i was like you know what i know we're going to talk about Matt Reif.

I, you know, I don't really, I've only seen like Instagram clips.

He does stuff like chicks, huh?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I'm like, all right, you know, I'm going to watch a special just so I can have like a better idea of how to make fun of him.

Yeah.

And I couldn't even press play.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

It like hurt my thumb.

My thumb like stopped and like right.

He does stuff like

somebody who looks like they're from Mexico.

You know what I mean?

Like that's what he does.

You know, it's good to see the kids into that, though.

Yeah, sure.

Honestly, sure.

You know,

all I know is that it's now the ball is in Annabelle's court.

Hey.

And Annabelle, guess what?

She's pointing forward.

She's coming for you.

She's Scotty Pippen all over your fucking Botox ass man.

All I know is when Henry heard the news, his fucking hair went white and he lost his.

Oh, my!

Oh,

my.

Great, Scott.

Great, Scott.

God damn you.

No, I'm cool now.

This is my, I'm Hulk Hogan.

It's Hulk Hogan.

Bulk Hogan.

Go and check out all thepatreon.com/slash last podcast and love.

Hey, you can pay money.

Pay money.

See us do shit.

I live every day.

Know him for a fact that you got a fat guy with snow blonde hair walking around out there, all right?

And he loves the fact that people are looking at him like he might be the preacher from Poltergeist 2.

But I'm making fun of myself, so you can't do it.

So I'm laughing laughing myself to the bank, fuckers.

You like the Phantasm.

I should have wrote it

and LP on the left for all your social media horse shit.

If you're on that, go look at that.

We're working very hard on that.

Super hard on it.

Honestly, we are.

We are.

This month has been hell for me.

It's been a hard month.

This has been hell.

This has been a hard month.

To make a bunch of stuff that's not out yet.

So I'm just like working my fucking ass out.

That's all we're we're going to do.

There's nothing to show anyone yet.

Literally all I've been doing is working in the dark.

No one has any idea how hard it is inside the laugh factory, but it's going to come out soon.

I swear to you, and it's going to be on YouTube.

Is it going to come out before you?

No.

Nope.

I'm gay.

Yes.

Nope.

And we got the bathing suits to prove this.

Yeah, super gay.

We're going to touch tips.

Can't wait to have sex with my best friend.

Go someplace underneath this on YouTube.

That's my wife.

Yeah, she doesn't know.

Go to LPN Romantic on YouTube.

Also, my wife doesn't know what I'm doing on here.

The Foreign Report, go check it out.

It's upsetting.

And LPN TV.

We're going to make you laugh.

Are they going to let you through security?

Why?

Because you look completely different.

I'm Drake O'Malfoy.

Okay.

Who's that?

The little evil boy from Harry Potter.

Oh, yeah.

That's me.

Yeah, that's his you.

Slithering.

Yes.

Yeah, I'll be slithering my way into the Delta Lounge.

Except for anything we're going on in in America.

Yeah, you've been slathering your pancakes.

All right, all right.

God damn it.

I opened myself up to this.

So just remember that.

Remember that at home, guys.

When you ever make a vulnerable decision or if you decide to do something like this, especially as a man, bring it to your friends and see how they react.

And then you can really get a taste of what it's like to be on the internet at all times.

You're not a Q-tip.

You look like a Q-top.

You see?

You see, you fuckers?

One,

just trying to be myself for a second.

No one makes fun of Willow Smith.

I was going to say nothing?

No one makes fun of Weasel Zappa.

Plenty of people make fun of Willow Smith.

I'm just a Weasel Zappa.

You're correct.

You're correct.

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