Side Stories: The Burbank Butt-Sniffer

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There's no place to escape to.

This is the last podcast on the left.

Side stories?

That's when the cannibalism started.

Side stories.

Yes.

First of all, I want to say thank you to everybody who reached out to me, all the kind support I had over this very difficult weekend.

What happened?

I buried my father this weekend

with the help of Marcus and Eddie.

Marcus did try to step in for the gravedigger.

Yes.

One of the best characters of the weekend.

Oh, my God.

Sorry for your loss.

That's how we wrapped up the ceremony.

Very scary man, honestly.

He was very scary.

The guy had a beard he could have tucked into his pants.

Yeah, sorry for your loss.

He's like, literally, if you, all right, close your eyes right now.

Think the word gravedigger.

That's the guy.

Sorry for your loss.

Tampining down the hole that they put the vase that was inside.

That might be a good thing.

He was very good at his job.

Super pro.

Big pro.

But I want to reach out to anybody that sent me this book.

That, like, I feel like I'm attacked.

Someone sent the book joy in for me to read.

As if I don't experience it.

Oh, really?

And people don't understand, I'm the most joyful person you've ever met.

I don't think you can give a mad person a book called Joy and expect them to have a good time.

If you hand me a book called Joy, guess what it turns into?

A man called anger.

Yeah.

Because it's nice.

Thanks.

But I don't need a whole joy to, I need a whole book to feel joy.

You know what I need to feel joy?

What?

A fucking six-pack, a bunch of ribs, and my AK-47.

You love your AK.

Me, my AK-47, we sleep together each night.

I get it.

You're lighting your joints with it.

Oh, yes.

It's covered in lipstick.

And me kissing it and hugging it.

Like, I'm Leon Neeson, and

my gun is Pamela Anderson.

It's really nice.

You could put a little dress on it.

Yeah, they're dating.

Are they dating?

Apparently.

I love that they're dating.

I think it's wonderful.

I think it's wonderful.

I honestly, I love it.

I think it's really cool.

But I heard there was a rumor that it's not true, that they're not dating.

They're only saying they are for the movie.

Oh, it's very possible.

It's very possible.

But I hope they're not lying because I'm not lying to you, my dearest audience, when I say thank you for all your support.

And thanks for the joy.

Get it out of here.

Yes.

Are you going to read Joy?

No.

Welcome to Side Stories.

My name is Henry Sabrowski.

Would you like to burn it?

I've never gotten to burn a book before.

Now, I know we could burn this one.

Yeah, I know.

No, honestly, I'll practice.

I'll thumb through it.

We'll take your mustache in in and we'll burn the book.

And I'm sitting here with Ed Larson.

How are you doing, buddy?

I'm fine.

It was actually a nice weekend.

Grieving over, done.

Yeah.

Closed.

Grieving completed.

Yeah, it's never going to come back at all.

You're never going to think about it once again.

Smooth sailing.

I never think about my dead parents.

No, it doesn't come up at all.

It's not like I made a movie or anything.

No, I am just going to, me,

ready to go.

I'm my own father.

Yeah.

I don't need a father anymore.

Okay.

Because I have me.

Yeah, you are your father.

Yes.

Yes.

Search for new daddy.

We have to announce that later on.

We're not ready to announce that yet.

Okay.

All right.

So just, you know, we'll bleep it out.

Pretend I said cunt.

Keeping that cunt, though.

Keeping that cunt.

We made it past the mark.

We made it past the mark.

I will say this weekend,

I've been to a lot of funerals.

I think it was an interesting thing.

We were all like going around like, who has it?

Who's some people were like, this is my first funeral?

This is my first whatever.

I'm like, I've been way over 20.

I don't even know the number.

and um definitely my most stoned funeral great and i i i you know i brought a lot of weed y'all brought a lot of weed yes i i'm very impressed with our level of weed intake well i saved it for after right i buried him sober yeah well i mean it was early yeah and then later on it was a morning ass funeral it's hot if you've ever had i mean i just feel like it's like it's nice to get it done with but it's just like hard it's a way to start the day yeah Who's real early in the morning?

It's crazy because I'm there with you and Jackie.

And I got to say, if there's two people in this world that I've had the most beers with, it's probably the two of you.

Close.

And it was like a sober, other than the weed, a pretty sober weekend.

Well, yeah, it's because I was with my mom.

Doesn't really, she doesn't into it.

And I'm not trying to, you know, my father was an alcoholic.

I know, but like, usually like funerals hammered, you know, as a funeral connoisseur.

I actually prefer the weed-based funeral way more than the booze-based funeral.

I think I do now.

I think it's way more important because the booze one, I mean, it's just going to ache you sad or not.

I really do.

That's what's really good.

The weed is numbing.

Yeah, well, it's nice.

And then I stop to feel things.

So that's what I do.

Now I have to not smoke weed so that I can process my feelings with my fucking therapist, which I'm going to do.

You're such a fucking pussy.

Yeah, dude.

He can't handle me, dude.

He had to take eight weeks off for parental leave because he had a baby.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, whatever, dude.

Baby don't need therapy.

Can't handle the heat, huh?

Of your main dish, Mr.

Roast Beef, who's got daddy issues?

But don't worry, I'm writing into a big journal.

I got a big journal.

Some people call it a manifesto.

That is what I'm slowly but surely carving out.

But don't worry, ladies and gentlemen, you'll see the fruit of those labors.

Next year.

Notice they don't call it a womanifesto.

Not once.

Because women just kill you slow and they don't tell you why they're killing you.

Yeah, well, they talk you to death.

No,

come on.

A lot of times they poison you.

Oh, they leave.

Most of the times they poison you.

Yeah, yeah.

I actually did talk to someone tangentially connected to the Ghost Adventurers crew.

Are they mad at us?

No, no, they're fine.

I mean, like, they're just in a whole world of herd.

But the fact that that lady, the guy's wife that tried to put out a hit on him, that talked with the guy that killed his family.

That's footage.

Dude, did you watch any of that?

Yeah, where she was just like, The cops were pretending that he was dead.

Yeah.

And then, like, she was just like, oh my god.

It is very, very fucked.

That was like one piece of

footage I watched this week.

Also, the Aaron Goodwin story, it's so sad.

All that stuff is just so sad with him, with his wife.

But she was connected to three other family annihilators.

Really?

She was talking to all of these like murderers in death row that she was having emotional affairs with.

And then she also was having because Gran Amato, that was the main dude she was kind of talking with, who killed his family after giving all of their family's money to an OnlyFans chick in fucking Bulgaria or whatever.

And then when he told her, he doesn't, he's like, my whole family said I might be going to jail.

She went, oh, no.

Like, he's no fucking reaction.

I think if your wife is constantly picking up the phone and saying the words, yes, I accept the charges, you got to keep an eye on her.

Dude.

Dude.

But she was having not just like Gran Amato didn't even understand that she was cheating on him with other murderers in jail.

So you can't trust a trifler.

No.

Once a cheater, always a cheater.

It doesn't matter how many of your members of your family you've killed.

Yeah, it seems like you could just call them human adventures because they seem to be more dangerous than your ghost adventures.

Very much so.

They might need to start focusing on people.

Because people are the scariest of all.

But Grant, you know, this is just hard.

I trust my wife.

Yeah.

I don't think she's going to.

I don't think she's plotting to kill me with anybody else.

I don't think she could.

Oh, she could.

No, emotionally.

I don't think Natalie could hurt somebody.

No, definitely not.

No, she's too kind.

But she would definitely, but, you know, husbands are different.

Yeah.

They are different.

Husbands just get fucking

couch.

It smells bad now.

Yep.

Sorry.

Yeah.

That's just my body.

It's the one chair I sit in.

And then for some reason, I've made it disgusting with just my back.

I didn't know I could do what my father did.

Also, I do find it interesting.

And

I was saving this for the show for Eddie, is that

none of us wanted to sit in my father's chair in the backyard.

Oh, it was comfortable.

Yeah.

I could tell it was his chair.

Yeah.

No, I could tell.

When I sat in it, I was like, this is nice.

Well, that's where he kind of lived and died.

He was in that chair, yeah.

Yeah,

we were all superstitious.

We didn't want to sit in that chair.

So I went out to sit in a chair.

It's right in the middle.

I know.

But I was good.

It was good.

I was commanding the conversation.

You did very good.

You lit up a cigarette by lighting another cigarette.

And I do think that that's how you really represented my father.

And I did I sit in the same spot on the couch too,

in the corner.

Yeah.

That seemed like it was his spot only because that's where the teddy bear was.

And so not that your dad played with the teddy bear, but the teddy bear was made out from his clothes.

And so I thought, I'm like, as I'm sitting there and like the bear's on top of me, I'm like, this is probably his spot.

Also, my mom, in a pure, my mom is like,

you have to understand, too, is that like for an Italian woman to become a widow is like graduating from college.

That once you finally get

that place,

this is what you've been angling for your whole life.

The way she gave out all of the five possessions that my father had is just so brutal.

I did nothing.

She literally was like, who wants his gun?

Who wants his gun?

You know, it's just like, just let's just woman that stays in Florida.

That gun goes nowhere.

Why do you have this gun?

Someone should be come looking for the gun.

No, it was not his service result.

It was not his service revolver.

He gave that up when he retired.

It was just his gun.

Yes.

But still.

No, dude.

A lot of guns floating around.

It's interesting because, like, it's on record that he owns a gun and that he's dead.

No one's asking a question about where the gun is.

They are.

Well, now we're.

That seems like a law that

should exist.

We're working on it right now.

Don't worry about it.

We're cleaning it up.

hello trading vance i need to talk to you let me talk to you i gotta fuck it please let me talk huge fan can't wait to meet you yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you know you see what i did yeah i didn't say what i did in the microphone

see that's how you get away with it yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

you're growing see That's nice.

Because I know that sometimes they put AIs in there to listen.

Mm-hmm.

That's what's happening.

Oh, is that what's happening?

Oh, sure.

Now let's...

Fuck you.

Fuck you.

Fuck you, you robot slut.

You dirty bitch.

Yeah, I want to fill your gears, you little girl.

You goddamn lazy clanker.

I love that clanker's, I love that new term.

For robots?

That's like a thing.

Someone put in some tweet, the idea of like, don't you hate it when you call up the phone service and you get some goddamn clanker on the line.

And I was like, that's a great slur for AI.

Yeah.

That's great.

Man.

Good.

Because robots, they're like the only thing you can be racist to.

I mean, hopefully.

Until they could vote.

Oh, one more cancellation around the fucking.

Oh, we're going to have to fucking say I'm sorry for this episode, 10 years.

All right, here we go.

Let's go.

So we got some news.

Clankers.

We don't have a lot of fucking news, but the news that we have is pretty good.

Okay.

So first of all, I'm going to start silly.

Silly?

I'm going to start

with us, with what we cover best.

The Burbank Buttsneffer has been arrested.

Now,

this is a story that got sent to me many, many times.

Now, I don't necessarily want to make light of the idea of public sexual assault.

I'm not going to make light of it,

but a butt sniffer is arguably the most unique version of this that I have seen.

And if you see the man and the culprit who did it, Khaleese Karan Crowder, 38 years young, you'd actually wonder why he wasn't called the butt listener.

Yes.

Because the man has, I am not joke, I am, this is not an exaggeration, four ears.

He has two trombones.

That is the largest, whitest ears I have ever seen on a person.

Because I don't even know if you'd call that cauliflower ear.

No, it's not cauliflower ear because cauliflower ear has like a shape to it.

Like, what are those ears?

Was that man pulled by his ears by a tractor trailer?

I think he was able to get away with this so long by able to listen that no one was sneaking up behind him.

Oh my God.

You think he put his ear down to the ground like

one of those Native American trackers and he could hear where butts were?

Yeah.

Like there's a big badonka dunk over there.

Now, someone's twerking on aisle seven.

Oh, I gotta go.

I gotta smell the drift.

Nothing like a butt drift.

Now, I actually, so we have footage here.

So this man, I guess had been around town.

This was footage that was shot in Glendale.

He goes to various...

Shopping areas.

Like a lot of bookstores.

Is that just where he got caught?

Nordstrom rack.

He was at the rack.

He also was like two bookstores.

and I think the reason why he's actually bookstores it's a very specific set of circumstances that help his crimes so what he would do it seems is that he'd get down low now you've seen this video so many people have come to me saying that they recognized the guy it felt like anywhere i moved he kept following me so i recorded just in case he was trying to say anything or do anything to me but i definitely didn't expect him to do this like what the actual pretending to be like crouching down by a bookshelf and then coming behind me and smelling me.

And he does the same thing to another girl.

Yeah, so what you could see is that he's down on the ground.

He's pretending like he's looking at the bottom shelf of books.

Yes, and then he does this thing where he goes and he's,

let's just, you know, no, no uncertain terms.

He sniffs the butt.

Yeah.

But this is my thing.

When you're,

I'm not saying that there's nothing wrong.

It's not about technique or whatever.

But have you ever smelled the pants of a woman?

No.

Try it.

A lot of pants pants now, it seems, I might be wrong, side store is LPOTL.

I'm a little bit of a wife's laundry.

I can give this a shot.

While I'm on, while they're on her, is that what I've discovered is, is that there's, I think that there's, isn't there material in a lot of these yoga pants that specifically cut down the smell that can escape the butt?

I mean, I think ladies just clean themselves better than we do.

No, I mean, not necessarily.

Depends on what part of the fucking monetary cycle we're at.

Okay.

Because I wonder if, like, if you smell at a woman's butt, butt, if you just smell

at a woman's butt.

If you just,

what kind of smell are you even getting out of it?

Like, the thing, I feel like you really got to be up in it.

And his nose does get very close to the crack.

He's a little too adventurous for sure.

Oh, he's flying close to the buns.

That is for certain.

Like, he has got to be careful.

His wings will melt.

Obviously, this is like a beatable offense, but what is the crime?

Well, yes, the crime is this.

I do think that you are violating somebody's personal space.

You're smelling their butt.

People don't like it.

People get super upset about it.

He was arrested for this because now we have some footage of him smelling butts.

Yes.

But I guess it's like, I am glad he's not because we've had butt slashers.

Do we know what his charge is?

I think it's, I think he's doing a legal nose-based activity.

I'm pretty certain it's how they actually got a lot of people in the old days with the Coke charges.

Yeah, I think it's, well, it's obviously it's sexual assault you'd call it or sexual harassment at least.

yes because if he's not touching you I actually don't know side stories l-potla gmail.com here what is the available crimes it says he was arrested and charged with loitering with intent to commit a crime sure that makes sense I guess that's the if you're gonna get him that's how you'd immediately pick him up because he's on a corporate he's in a private business yeah I'm not sticking up for him but this feels like that's not good enough to hold water in court it might I feel like there's a lot of people that are gonna say this and I'll say to them they're like, oh, it's because you're a butt-sniffing pervert that just wants to create a legal loophole for yourself.

But I think that there are people that will say

that you're going to be, I think a jury.

I think if you put this in front of a jury.

I mean, he's obviously sniffing this woman's butt, and we do know that is wrong.

Yes.

Now, but if you put him in front of a jury, first of all, how do you build that jury for people that would be fair to this crime?

You're going to have people that are like, yeah, of course, sniffing butts.

This is America.

My nose is as free as my feet.

Yeah.

You mean to tell me I can't sniff your butt?

I think the key is physical proximity.

Is that if I could smell your butt from here,

that's your problem, right?

But don't you have to wait till actual like contact is made for assault?

I have, I don't think so.

I don't think so.

Okay, does this change anything?

In 2023, he was allegedly caught peeping into a family's home in Glendale, but he was released later due to the jail being overcrowded.

Okay.

And he was also rearrested rearrested for failing to register with the local police.

I wonder what it's like.

Yeah.

I wonder what it's like eating dinner.

I wonder what it's like having father asked me how my day was.

Is that what he's peeping at?

No, he's not trying to look at the family for a while.

Oh, I wish someone would ask me what my day was like.

I'd say, well, dad, I sniffed a butt this morning, and now I'm here eating liver and onions with you.

Now, can I smell your butt?

Because I'm just looking for a butt to sleep.

People are really saying here,

wow.

The wife of former LA Lakers forward Robert Horry accused this man, the butt sniffer, of stalking their teenage daughter more than a decade prior.

Oh, geez.

She said that he should be put away for good.

I agree that this is one of those crimes.

But this is one of those crimes that is no way is not going to escalate.

He's going to escalate.

There is something, this is very similar to me to the very nefarious beginnings of the Lake Daho toe sucker and a guy grabbing people's feet and guys doing stuff like that, right?

Like on some level, like that is

physical assault.

Yes, but this is still a violation of people's personal spirits.

I'm not saying don't lock this guy up.

I'm just saying we got to make sure we got the right charge.

I know, I'm with you, Eddie.

I just don't know how much smells he's getting out of just pants.

I just feel like if you're wanting to really smell a woman's butt, you're going to have to pay lady to get her underwear.

I don't think this guy's got money.

Oh, yeah.

It is the issue.

I don't think he's got money.

So is this a monetary issue?

Would a UBI

stop butt sniffers?

You know, it's one of those things where I always like...

By side story, tell P-O-D-L at gmail.com.

It's about the thrill.

You know, it's about the thrill.

Oh, yes, definitely.

It's about the thrill.

No, he wants to sneak a sniff, but it's very difficult to get.

I always thought about that, about like Harvey Weinstein.

Why didn't he just

get, you know,

transgression?

It's because it's the transgression.

He likes the fact that he can lord the power over you.

It's not about the sex.

He likes the fact that he has something that you want from him and he's going to try to get what he can from you.

And that's what that is the main problem with this situation.

Well, yes, it's sniffing butts.

It's not because, you know, like some people, you could smell someone's perfume.

Yes.

But you're also not going to stick your face in their neck to get it.

No.

Unless you're a cool guy.

If you're like a kind of romantic guy.

Also, perfume is something you put on for other people to smell.

Yes.

Your butt, you don't sit there and be like, I can't wait for someone to smell this butt.

Or if you are, you know, you got it scheduled.

Yeah.

And you know, putting perfume in your butt.

Or you just, you got a stinky butt.

Which isn't a horrible idea, by the way.

No, it's not.

And a stinky butt.

Some people like the perfume of just that.

Yeah.

All right.

But normally you have an appointment for that and you know it's going to happen.

It just doesn't happen to you at the Barnes ⁇ Noble while you're reading a Hillary Clinton memoir.

man i would love to just make this guy smell my farts for see that's what i'm saying that should be a punishment punishment it's like it's like a punishment you hire me to drink a case of ipa i think that's exactly what this

in this man's mouth this man should have to go to a delta lounge at 8 45 in the morning and experience true ass.

Because that's the thing.

Right now, when you sniffing cute girls' butts, right?

That's sniffing butt.

This motherfucker needs to experience some man ass,

which is a full-on me having eaten a bunch of curry at 11 p.m.

the night before.

I drank four beers in my bed watching forensic files.

I've now gotten two hours of sleep.

I'm at the airport.

Just said the words, I'm so sick.

Yeah, like, feel good, man.

That's what he needs to experience, being like, because then if you can smell, if you can, that's what he likes, right?

You like fucking farts.

It should be like, yeah, when your father finds you smoking a cigarette, then he makes you smoke the whole paddock.

Yeah.

Now you got to fucking have the most farts at once.

And if that still makes you hard, if that makes him hard, then I think we should.

Beat him to death?

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, I know.

We shouldn't beat him to death.

I just think that we should just...

We should find a way for him to get like, is there a methadone of ass?

Yeah.

If there's like a thing he could get that could curb his, like, he could just fart in a jar and he could just...

Could they hypnotize him?

Oh, permanently.

Permanent clothespin.

Super glue clothespin to his nose.

Whoa, chemical gestration of a butt sniffer.

I do think that you get, hmm, maybe there's a hypnotism here that can make butts smell good.

Here, that's already, he's got that already.

But I need like the opposite.

Oh, so like if all butts did smell good, maybe he would stop sniffing butts.

Because I think he likes to smell farts and butt.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We'll find out.

Either way, he's getting locked up.

No more butt sniffer in our town.

I could throw my ass out in any neighborhood burbank store and not worry about this man catching a whiff.

Yep, because

when I fart, I'm farting for the community.

$100,000 bail.

Yeah.

Well, that's only, you only got to pay 10% of that.

It's still 10 grand.

This man's sniffing butts as a hobby.

I don't think he's got it.

You know what?

I am actually very thankful that they gave him a pretty high bond for this because I do think that he's on his way to doing something extremely bad.

Do you think he has a pubic defender?

I hope so.

I hope so.

Hi, hello.

I'm your pubic air lawyer.

Yeah, yep.

As you can see, unshorn.

Why would I?

You see my pube window?

Yes, I do that to show the judge I mean business.

Now let's get to sniffing butts, shall we?

I love subscriptions.

There's nothing I can do about it.

It's a problem, apparently.

At least that's what Rocket Money told me.

And I was doing lots of things that I shouldn't have been doing.

Paying for newspapers I didn't read,

paying for streaming services I wasn't even watching.

But it turns out, oh, Eddie really likes his takeout.

It wasn't until I got Rocket Money that I realized I need to start going back to the grocery store every once in a while and cooking my own food.

Spending a little too much on the old takeout tacos.

They really shouldn't be that much.

You go to the store and you buy everything you need to make it.

It's a little bit cheaper now.

All right.

So thank you, Rocket Money, for showing me that I

have a problem.

I suggest that you people out there, you go ahead and you do yourself a little favor as well and get yourself Rocket Money so you could find out where you're spending cash that you ain't got.

Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money.

Go to rocketmoney.com slash LPOTL today.

That's rocketmoney.com slash LPOTL.

RocketMoney.com slash L-P-O-T-L.

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Yeah, I'm starting a new website.

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Hey, Eddie, what?

You know what doesn't belong in your epic summer plans?

What doesn't belong in my epic summer plans?

Getting burned by your old wireless bill.

Oh my gosh, it burns me all the time.

I know.

It's like, halala.

Oh, so hot.

Hot.

While you're planning beach trips, barbecues, and three-day weekends, your wireless bill should be the last thing holding you back.

Well, what should be holding me back?

Probably.

I would say you've got problems with, you know, you have acid reflux.

Yeah.

You got some problems consuming dairy.

I can barely swim.

You are afraid of loud noises.

I hate loud noises.

You're afraid of being outside.

But otherwise,

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Because of the story.

Now, if anybody's been following Jeremy Corbel,

friend of the show.

Interesting.

Friend of the show.

Part of, you know, he's with George Knapp, our favorite investigative reporter for their show, Weaponized.

Jeremy Corbell has received several pieces of, I would say, shit from the audience over the years.

People obviously, you know, they're not audience.

I mean, every audience.

But they're always nice, our audience.

They're so kind.

I know.

But Jeremy Corbell, obviously, he's a bit of a salesman-edge to him, so I think some people don't really like he rubs people wrong, but the man's heart is in the right place, and he's obsessed with finding out the truth.

Now, Jeremy Corbel and George Knapp have been talking about the concept of disclosure for a very long time.

And the idea.

That's that to me more film.

Ooh, yeah, it is.

But that's not what I'm talking about.

Great film, though.

Yes.

That's a sexy film.

That's the one where she's the boss and she pulls it on the guy, right?

That's a whole thing.

Yeah.

That flips.

Yeah, that's nice.

Michael Douglas didn't have a chance.

Not a fucking shot.

You got to keep your job, bro.

She's got the

bounties on.

Yeah.

Oh, hell yeah.

All right.

Let's move on.

Sorry, I digress.

So

for years, the UFO community, years, since the beginning of the UFO community, we've been talking about this concept of disclosure and this idea that one day the government will either be compelled by either their own purposes or by just the sheer love of truth, that they will come out and tell us every single thing they know about UFOs that they've been hiding for years.

And it's going to come and it's going to come any day, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

I mean, I feel like if they had anything, now would be the exact time to release all that information.

Oh, believe me, because like he's releasing, Trump's releasing anything but the Epstein file.

It's like anything but it.

Also, I don't know if you noticed the thing with Trump just basically admitting that

the land deal between him and Epstein was actually never the fight.

He was angry that he scooped Virginia Juffre and the other 16-year-old masusas he had at Mar-a-Lago.

And he said those words into a camera.

He just said it out loud.

And that's the woman who accused them and then committed suicide after Perwitz told him.

Yes.

Yes, Virginia Juffrey.

Yes, absolutely.

So we know that he's super honest.

So we know they're looking looking to release anything right now.

And for a long time,

last like two, three years, the term that's really been, it's been the concept of catastrophic disclosure.

So one version is that they will create a legal

venue for whistleblowers to tell their stories.

That's a thing that David Gresh did and a couple of these various, we've seen these like government entities trying to like hold conferences talking about UFOs.

And they're saying, oh, we're going to create this transparent reporting system, blah, blah, blah.

Nothing, right?

All that fucking completely shut down.

No one's doing any of that.

And then they said catastrophic disclosure was going to happen, meaning that someone was just going to leak really crazy information that was going to come out and it was going to change the face of the world, blah, blah, blah.

We haven't seen that yet either.

Jeremy Corbel, who now is my friend, it's nice, he messages me late at night, footage of UFO.

That's actually quite scary.

And he shows all the stuff.

Some of it gets debunked, some of it doesn't.

But mostly what Jeremy Corbel has been saying now, now, I find very interesting.

So his latest theory is that even just the idea of disclosure has been put out as a sort of psychological warfare technique.

Now, we know the United States government, as much as they say that they don't care, they obviously give a shit, right?

Because they have spent years, decades, infiltrating UFO research groups with various intelligence operatives.

They care enough about

the information to lie about it.

And we know that.

Yeah, we know they're not telling us everything.

But why?

Right?

That's the big thing: why?

Why?

Why?

Because they're worried we're going to flip out.

That's part of it.

They think it's going to destroy the social hierarchies.

It's going to destroy religion.

It's going to destroy all of them.

But then there were some things that were like, yeah, no, that is our footage.

And we don't know what that is.

That is a UAP.

And then everyone didn't care.

Well, it's because people don't care.

And also, because the main issue is stuff like,

you know,

many people are still to this day absolutely devoted members of the Catholic Church, even though it's filled with draw molesters.

So you notice you don't need to shake it up.

No one's going to get shaken up from their religious anything.

Nothing's going to do that.

Right.

So that's like, that's why they keep saying like all of these reasons why.

But it's seeming it's because they don't know what the hell is going on.

And now there's a new line of thought that's very interesting.

And Jeremy Corbel believes that his new concept of disclosure is that the United States government is going to lie and it's going to say that there is going to be a giant ship on its way.

Okay.

Tracking it.

So it's going to be a lie, though.

So he's saying this doesn't exist.

No, that there is nothing on its way, but they're going to use this as a way.

to shut people up about the subject and also to create a fun timeline for them.

It creates this thing of of like, oh, we'll tell everybody in the next 100 years that it's coming, right?

When is it supposed to come?

Whenever.

So everyone's like, all right, all right, Jeremy Carbell, maybe, who knows?

Cut to, as he's saying this, the New York Post drops this article.

Very reliable.

But it's, that's why, though, it's a mechanism, Eddie.

Yeah.

Rare interstellar object the size of Manhattan could be an alien probe, according to Harvard scientists.

Harvard scientists, same people who took Jeffrey Epstein's money.

So these guys are, you know, they, they are now saying that they have tracked this giant Manhattan-size object that is outside our solar system.

They said they found it in July 1st.

It's going at 140,000 miles per hour.

It's just

very, very fast.

Avi Loeb, who's like the big UFO Harvard guy, he says it's technically this is what they call it's the only, it's the third interstellar traveling object ever detected.

He is saying that he thinks it could be an intelligently directed alien craft observing Earth with possibly hostile intentions.

The hypothesis is in question is that this object is a technological artifact and furthermore has active intelligence.

If this is the case, then two possibilities follow, according to Dr.

Avi Loeb.

First, that its intentions are entirely benign, and second, they are malign.

Great.

So no no no

no answer now but it seems they're saying that it changed directions and it made a tilt and it's made the idea like all this stuff

but it's a direct offshoot of what jeremy corbel is saying of this idea of creating a phantom object that's on its way and i don't know i don't know because i personally still believe that it is not as simple as things that live on another planet.

The object's got a very close encounters vibe.

Yes.

It is.

It's very interesting looking.

It is a bunch of, it looks like a giant line in the sky.

It's actually, it is.

With lights.

Yes.

It's very frightening, actually.

But also, could be completely made up.

No fucking idea.

Yes.

And so my then question to you, Eddie, is

why then lie about it now?

Why lie now?

Why do anything?

Why not just let it die?

Well, here's the thing about lying about it now, which is why I don't know if they are, because it's not like this is a popular thing.

You know, this isn't like...

You don't think?

I actually weirdly do think it's a popular thing.

I don't, but I haven't read about it or heard about it till right before we walked in here.

I mean, I just, but you see, what that does is that that article floods throughout all the UFO subreddits, floods throughout all of the conspiracy theory websites.

It just floods.

So

it's what you'd call the, you know, something like a limited hangout, where you drop it in this little piece of this little thing.

And then everybody, because it's, because it's so nonchalantly saying such a wild speculation,

it travels fast.

Yeah.

And, but I do, you know, I think a lot of times, whenever I read the news, I like to like use my deductive reasoning.

Like, who's telling me the news?

Like, it's coming from the New York Post.

Exactly.

Very right-leaning

newspaper.

And so I feel like it's obviously, not not obviously, I feel like there's a really good chance this is an incredible distraction post, a very distraction-based article

for money.

You know, and then you want to like, because right now they're losing their conspiracy theory base, you know, all those, and so why not throw a really crazy conspiracy story at all of us to get us cooking?

Well, the new one's now going to be the, well, the very big conspiracy theories that are about to come shooting down the pipe, you fucking bet money on this, is that Ghislaine Maxwell is going to point fingers at anybody but Trump.

I mean, why would we believe anything she says?

Because people hate women and they

will actively not care about all the victims in this scenario.

They already don't.

They don't.

So they actually kind of like that Ghislaine made victims of other women.

Yeah.

That's what I'm saying.

I think that the audience that is willing to accept lies from Ghislaine Maxwell considers her a man.

But why?

That's like, they chew, we're like sex trafficking.

That's a man's job.

Good work.

Good work, lady.

But it's seriously

used to get that handled.

Good work.

It's our job wrangling up a woman.

But like my thing is, why didn't she say this shit when she got arrested in the first place?

Because she didn't have the opportunity to get pardoned.

She knew she wasn't going to, that wasn't being floated at the time.

She didn't have a administration in there in the crosshairs like they are right now she didn't have that but do you just say that trump was there or someone else was there that no one will believe no one will believe her

now understand that no one will believe her if she says that trump was there they will believe her if she says that everybody else was there which is what they're looking for this is exactly what they're looking for they're looking for her to say all of those things and then they're going to pardon her and she's just going to be free yeah and she's going to do it again i do but I don't know if she'll be able to do it again.

Oh, no, they figured that out.

You don't think she's going to go to fucking Turks and Caicos or like go to some fucking, she's going to go straight to some castle in England and there's going to be little girls in there rubbing fucking Prince Andrew's feet in like six weeks.

It's going to fucking happen.

How is she going to build the good faith?

Because she already had this.

She's got all the connections.

I'm talking.

If you beat the rap, you beat that rap?

Twice.

Dude, you beat that rap?

Look at fucking what happened to.

I mean, I know this is is ridiculous.

Look at John Gotti.

Him beating those raps just made him stronger.

Look at Donald Trump.

What didn't he happen to be?

Well, eventually.

Eventually, sure.

Look at Trump.

Every time they win, they get stronger.

So he's like, if she gets pardoned,

there's no crimes, Eddie.

All the crimes are gone.

It's all a race.

None of it happened.

It's all gone.

So it's going to, that's the big conspiracy theory, and that's going to happen.

You think so?

Yeah.

I just don't think they're going to get away with that.

The only way if their arrangement actually is going to go south, we're going to see a gray standing next to Trump with a fucking noose around its neck.

Like, that is what's going to happen.

If that plan doesn't work, the next plan is there's going to be

two people in gray costumes next to Trump.

Yeah.

Doing the first Zeta reticula, you know, golf course.

All right, so we know that no matter what, she ain't going to roll on Trump because that's not going to help her.

We know.

Now, let me ask you this.

If she rolls on some other people, people who were there, people who did do the crimes, well, they need to have very...

She has apparently two boxes of evidence that she brought into a private meeting with representatives from the DOJ.

Why did we take all of her shit when she went to prison?

Because it's her stuff.

That doesn't make any sense.

She builded it up over time.

If you actually want, remember those John Wayne Gacy interviews I sent you to watch for fun?

When you watch those things, you know, he had that big evidence file?

She can do all that from jail.

Like, she can print all that out within jail.

And she's had nothing but time to sit and work on this gigantic file folder of information that she says that she has that is ironclad.

It's going to knock everybody out.

Not like they have a hundred thousand pages of Epstein files inside of the White House right now that they have read, that they specifically had orders to flag Trump's name in, that they had specific orders to cut around and to completely redact.

So it's, I mean, that shit's gone.

All that's gone.

Now DOJ is coming out and saying, actually, we do have the video with the missing minute.

We do have it.

We're just, you know, it's just,

they're just bad at lying.

Yeah.

You know what the crazy part is?

If she does roll on Clinton, we can't do anything about it.

But we can't do anything about it because of the laws that Trump put in place.

Yep.

It's pretty, it seems to really work out for everybody.

It's almost like they're all on one team and nobody cares.

Yeah, because they're friends.

Yep, because they're all friends.

They're all friends and we're just not friends with them.

So remember that.

Remember that.

All right.

So I'm going to be yelling at this for the rest of my fucking life.

Our night.

Yeah.

I'm never going to get past this.

Yeah.

Well, it's so funny because we got there.

That's why instead of reading the Epstein files, we were talking about aliens.

We were.

That's why instead of reading the Epstein files,

I'm reading this book called Joy.

Ah, yes.

Because you see, see how wide my smile is while I'm holding.

But the way that person's stretching their leg, you can really get a good sniff of that ass.

See?

Honestly, I'm saying if a guy's smelling your butt, just let him finish.

Now, should we be smelling our wives' butts more?

I do smell them.

I have.

Really?

Yeah.

You get in there.

You never just lay your head on your wife's butt while she's laying on the couch or something.

She doesn't lay on her stomach.

Flip her over.

I'm a lap man.

I put my head on her lap.

But now they got a lot of colloidal silver and stuff on the pants.

Oh,

I like it when she like rubs my hair and like, oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to touch on that.

Yeah.

Oh, fuck you.

I wear a hat to bet.

All right, I want to talk about this.

Yeah, I don't know.

I'm sorry.

We went for MC.

It's just hard because it's the,

I'm just, you know,

again, at my father's funeral this weekend, so I read a lot about Jeffrey Epstein.

Yeah.

It really fuels me.

It's good.

It's good.

You got to channel that energy.

Really fuels me.

Here we go.

We got this other.

Let's go.

This is one last story.

This is a really fucked up story.

All right.

Yeah.

Oh, the

called the Arkansas one.

Yes.

A man and a woman who had recently moved to Northwest Arkansas.

They were.

No one does that, by the way.

Don't do that.

They were brutally murdered on a hiking trail.

Clinton David Brink, 43, and Kristen Amanda Brink, 41.

They had just moved into town.

They were hiking, and a man attacked them in a long-sleeve shirt, and like he wasn't wearing a mask, it was a white dude, a smaller guy, stabbed them brutally to death in front of their children.

Their children ran to go to the park rangers.

They stopped them.

So, like, we don't know who the guy is.

We don't know who did this.

So, we don't know why he did it.

We don't know who they, they knew no one.

They had just moved into the neighborhood.

They were just avid hikers.

They were brutally attacked.

No one knows whether or not it was staged or not, or if it was planned ahead of time, or if they were trying to kill the entire family because the kids escaped.

But who are the people?

What did they do for a living?

They were just

normal ass people.

No information.

We don't know what he quite stabbed them with.

We know that they were just, they truly were just normal.

They moved there, I guess, because it was an affordable part.

They had moved from Miles City, Montana.

This is such a crazy job.

It's like barely being reported on.

Well, it's because right now there is not a heck of a lot of information, but we have a very specific angle.

So they were murdered in a place called Devil's Den.

Now, Devil's Den State Park is also, for those of you that are big last podcasts on the left listeners, know for the fact that it is also the site of the alien abduction of Terry Lovelace.

Oh, we're back in the aliens.

We're right back in aliens.

So all of this all happened at the same time.

I'm not privy to this story.

Can you give me a quick one?

Terry Lovelace wrote a book called The Incident in Devil's Den.

Now, the reason why it's so interesting is is that it was 1977 he was uh abducted by what he can only describe as two giant monkey people okay he said that he woke up in the middle of the night while he was camping to see four gray two-foot tall monkeys with large yellow eyes long arms and tails after staring at him with broad grins for a while they said this is according to terry come play with us We'll have fun.

So they spoke English?

And we'll take you back home in just a little while.

Yeah.

There were monkeys.

They were aliens.

Oh.

Now, you know, believe the man, but you know what you're going to do?

You know what we're going to do?

Yeah.

So he went through these fishermen made fun of her misery.

He was a young man.

He said he hid under the couch and he waited until she was on the phone.

He was so freaked out.

He made his sister wet her pants.

Well, that's cool.

When Terry's father confronted him without that.

Usually when I get scared, I wet my own pants.

That's just weird but like it's uh osmosisly wet someone else's pants whoa i mean

that's what the butt sniffers gotta do yeah i just pissed your pants

wow yes because he did write this poem that's right the nightmares returned he had a nightmares of big insect-like things that were in his words manipulating tools with long thin fingers oh yeah he wrote a poem

Shadows from the hallway crept into my room.

Long the monkey men too, I assume.

Never before in life had I seen a creature that grinned before I could scream.

A candle's flame dances before it grows dim.

One monkey man shadow had slowly crept in on his knees and with ease.

He is perched on the edge of my bed, if you please.

The silence was broken one inch from my ear as the monkey man whispered, my boy, I'm right here.

So that's the thing.

I don't know whether or not

this guy's one of the monkey men.

We don't know, and we might not ever know.

So, back to the

couple that was killed.

Oh, you want to talk about the real story?

The real story.

Oh, sure.

They are, they do have a person of interest.

They have a picture of him.

They do.

Yeah, they got this guy.

It's his back, unfortunately.

Whoa.

This is the guy.

It's a white dude.

Here's the sketch of his face.

He's just like a regular ass-looking white dude.

He looks like fucking Gary Sinise.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Where's Gary Senice?

Oh, my God.

Gary Sinise, where does he live?

I mean, the real crime is he's wearing fingerless gloves.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

How do you.

Wow.

You know what's weird is that when you typed in Where Does Gary, it immediately auto-corrected to Where does Gary Sinis live?

Oh, really?

Yeah, Calabasas.

Lots of people are asking.

Calabasas, California.

I bet he does well in Calabasas.

That seems like the right town for him.

He seems like a nice man.

I bet he's wonderful.

He does a lot for soldiers.

Can't believe he's got it.

I couldn't believe when I saw him he has legs.

Can't believe it.

He was wearing tall green socks, though, so we knew that he was ready for action.

If he ever had to be Lieutenant Dan,

you know, two seconds, your computer will make my legs disappear.

Hey, give me two seconds.

I'll do it with an axe.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, so this is the story.

This is all we know so far.

It is a very haunting story.

It's really fucked up because they just were just straight up thrill-killed.

And no one should be thrill-killed while hiking.

If I'm going to get thrill-killed, I hope I'm at the dentist.

Why does it never happen there?

I mean, there's too many other people there.

I mean, that's.

This guy's in the middle of the woods.

You're going to thrill kill someone.

You kill him in the woods.

Well, did you see the story about the guy who stabbed like 10 people in a Walmart?

Yes.

That's a fucked-up story.

And he didn't wait to be in

fucking private.

Everyone lived.

Whoa, he just stabbed a bunch of people in wheelchairs.

That's too easy.

Yeah, come on, bro.

You know, dude, you got to be careful with that.

Man,

if I was in a wheelchair, too, I'd be fucking.

Why are there no souped-up wheelchairs?

There are?

No, like, why is there no, like, straight up, like, high-level escalade versions of wheelchairs?

I mean,

I bet there is.

I've looked this up many times and I've seen nothing.

I want a full-on body armor capable set up.

I want to be able to get up to 45 miles per hour, multiple mediums of thing.

I want to be able to go through like highway to street to mud.

I mean, look at these.

Look at this one right there.

This one's got

some treads on it.

I've seen the treads.

yeah.

Our buddy Johnson's buddy signs, he's got the treads, yeah.

But this one's cool, he's got he put some flames on the side of it, but he didn't like the treads.

But why isn't not the rest of it's not more souped up?

Why isn't there ones with more like temperature control, like more like stuff like that?

Like you can put, like, you can see temperature control, you have to put a

roof on it.

That'd be cool.

Why are there no more mini chairs with roofs on them, like little cubes?

I mean, that should be cool.

I mean, look at this one.

That's a good one.

That's fucking awesome.

Yeah, that's a classic.

We see.

Yeah, that's me.

That's nice.

Who's doing that?

Oh, that's Ferrari.

Wow.

Do you have to buy a Ferrari wheelchair first, though?

Is it one of those where you have to get like four or five wheelchairs?

I think these are just AI imaginations.

Unfortunately, I'm out of here.

I'm sure these are the things.

They're pretty cool.

What the fuck?

Why isn't that happening, though?

That should be a thing.

I got to tell you this, Henry.

You're not going to like to hear it.

People don't like the handicapped.

People don't want to help them.

We love the handicapped.

We love the handicapped, yes, because they're human beings.

But I think there is a whole,

the world does not like people who are disabled.

I just feel like we're leaving money on the table here.

That we are.

I feel like there's a way to upsell anybody.

Do I smell Last Podcast on the Left wheelchair?

Oh my God.

Coming to the merch page?

Last Podcast on the Left

collabs with Miata

to make a scream chair.

Oh, the scream chair.

If you'll scream your way all the way to the doctor's office.

Oh, yeah.

You're going to even be.

oh, have you ever wanted to get to the local

wheelchair tire place in under seven minutes?

Man, I remember my grandfather's rascal.

He could really get that thing up, dude.

He could really get that thing cooking.

He would bring it over drawbridges and shit.

He took it on like real roads.

I love that.

That's what I'm saying.

Give it some cover.

Give it like some enclosure.

Like, let's get this thing up to 55.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

No, but you could really, you could already get the ones that work, you know, pretty good.

You can take those places.

Tire.

I want to also,

where's my Wario chair?

Where's my fucking Eggman chair?

That flies.

Where's my hover chair?

We don't have hover cars.

Why can't they have hover chairs?

I guess you start with chairs.

How easy would it be just one guy?

Yeah.

Flop him up there.

And then if you're using a wheelchair, your legs are not going to weigh as much as your top.

It's not like me where I'm thick all the way through.

Well, you know, you're not thick all the way through.

I'm just saying.

In terms of like, you can get it up there easier, right?

You're right.

I think we can get you up there.

Side stories, LPOTL, gmail.com.

Where's our hover chairs?

Yeah, where are the hover chairs, folks?

Look at that guy.

He's standing on a drone.

That's not a hover chair.

He's standing.

That's fucking...

Kind of robotnick-y, though, I think.

Dude, but you're looking, that's green goblin-like.

But also, you're looking at him flying around, and it's a guy who's capable enough to stand.

He should be sitting.

You know, if Stephen Hawking didn't have a special, too special of a chair.

I just think because he was, he didn't want to brag.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I think he was humble.

He was humble.

Yeah, it's one thing I know about Stephen Hawking.

Very humble.

Humble.

I just think that he wasn't ready for it.

Whoa, that's awesome.

Is he really sitting on that drone?

Looks like it.

Awesome.

That's what I want.

Whoa, he's sitting on there like it's a debugging.

Yeah.

That's awesome.

That's like that's cool.

That's like a motorcycle drone.

I want to fucking I just want to terrorize people for good.

You can

go to the Bronze Noble.

Sniff some butts.

Oh, no.

I don't want to sniff.

Now we know it's a crime.

Yeah.

I dare you to sniff my fucking dick.

Yeah, you don't got the fucking.

Everyone's just like, all right, I'll sniff your fucking dick.

All right, sure, okay, I'll sniff your fucking dick.

All right, let's get some love.

I was like, pussy.

Yeah.

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Let's get some listener emails.

Now, we're going to keep, we have a new stinger, obviously.

We've been trying to do new stingers, but we like the one last week from so much.

We're just going to replay it.

We're going to play it again?

All right.

Yep.

Woo!

Yep.

Wow, god damn, I want to hear some emails.

So good.

I wish the emails were as good as the stinger.

Now, I will say, yeah, right, the dude who wrote that song?

Who's that guy?

That's Dakota Rolf.

Write some emails.

Yeah, try somebody.

Because you're so good at this.

So good.

Yeah, let's see some emails.

I would like to first say,

I'll say this truly.

If you're looking to have your father be buried on a weekend, have him be buried on the same weekend that a legendary dad rock man has also died.

Because having my father go into the ground at the same time as Ozzy Osborne's death was such a great moment for me in terms of music because it was just so amazing to look and rock no more tears on the way to the fucking funeral, dude.

Because I'll see you

i'll see you on the other side dude seeing no more tears like i mean it sucked up it made me feel strong about death yeah so first thing i got here is whales wailing japan right um everyone's saying it's not good yeah

So pretty much everybody have said they have, Eddie was right to defend, to fight against it.

Everyone's basically said...

Because I was really nervous about how hard I came for the Japanese.

I was like, oh no, am I going to get killed for this?

no mostly people understand that it's an antiquated historical tradition but they do in japan there's a lot of people i found it interesting they said people like if you work in japanese businesses they found that people were getting disappointed because one of the big things that they i guess they would do for like one of traditional ways to celebrate somebody who's retiring is to take them to a whale meat restaurant Like that's like a very traditional celebration.

And that now that they're closing most of the whale meat restaurants whale meat gets you sick but the thing is everyone's just saying too it's like it's not even just that it's like it's just that it's gross is that whale meat's just really gross that it's like considered a traditional celebratory meal so people get upset when these restaurants are getting closed but it's also no one's eating there because the food's gross the food looks horrible whale meat looks disgusting.

We're not supposed to eat it.

No, it's just not for us.

It's

bad for us.

It's just, I know.

It's a headband.

It is just a very much a, it's a tradition there that hopefully one day will stop, but it's just hard because it's connected to their national identity and they don't want to get rid of it.

But it seems like

it's because there's certain old ways things that they're that their country is like, because like, you know, the imperial family is still like vaguely important in Japan and certain things like that where they've already, in their view, succumbed to the West enough.

So they don't want to erase many of their traditional things.

But it just feels like this one could probably go.

It's just like you're like clearly wrong here.

It's just, they just are, it's a political thing.

They bring it up in election cycles, apparently.

This is like their version of, it's like, I don't know if this is a fair equation, but it seems like.

Are you going to say abortion?

No.

No.

No.

To like, like, daylight savings time.

Okay.

You know how like every election cycle, somebody, one of the candidates says, and I'll get rid of daylight savings time.

And they just never do it.

Yeah.

Because Benjamin Franklin came up with it.

No one wants to fuck with them.

Oh.

That's like kind of what it is.

Man.

So

what are they going to do?

So no one's going to fucking get rid of the whale meat killing?

Nope.

It just seems like continuing on.

It's just going to go bad.

Yep.

No one wants to buy it.

Nothing changes.

It is just what they are going to do.

And that's, and we can't stop them any.

but i know that they got the restaurants and stuff like that but what about the non-discriminate killing the ones that's just done for fucking the calling for no reason that's and they just leave the bodies that's a part of the their historical tradition and it just someone is going to have to change that one day one day there will have to be a big enough mandate within the country that it changes which just seems to be getting there so we'll see donate to sea shepherd fuck these motherfuckers you know that's just don't do you think that's why they killed the prime minister yes i think he was was a whale.

Yep.

I would also just say, just you know, when you go to Japan, don't eat it.

Certainly.

Just don't eat it.

I really want to go to Japanese.

I was offered it in Iceland.

Whale?

Yeah.

Really?

Yeah.

It looked gross, so I didn't eat it.

Yeah, they just stopped doing it over there, commercial whale fishing in Iceland.

But it's still around.

Just stopping.

You didn't bring that up to me.

But the meat's around.

I know, but when we were in Iceland together, you didn't be like, hey, yeah, there's a whale restaurant over there.

You don't want to, I'm surprised you didn't think I would want to eat it.

It's because, truly, because of everything I had read about it, that it was so fucking gross.

yeah that it's like there's no point in both feeling bad and it having being having it being disgusting what was the new animal we ate there that we loved reindeer yes if i could i have no love for a reindeer if i could i would kill

every reindeer that i saw and i've eaten now and it was funny is now i've eaten american reindeer or like i've had it in america

The Iceland reindeer is so specifically good.

It's got like fattiness in it.

I was

so fucking tasty.

It like dissolved in my mouth.

I hope that Santa's got to take a cab next year.

Yeah.

I want to eat every one of them.

I don't want, I want there to be nothing but antlers left.

I want to be shits and blitzing.

Yep.

I want to be.

I want to do.

I don't want to just spray my ass, but I don't want to just spray my toilet with Comet, the cleaning stuff.

That's right.

I want to do it with Comet himself.

Now,

got a lot of responses about bosses with guns.

Oh, I'm very interested in this.

Is there any good ones?

I love these.

When I was 19 years old, I took a new job at a local concrete construction company.

Since I'm new, I'm paired up with one of my fellow employees, a no-teeth having good old boy.

My job is to pretty much do whatever he says, follow him around, and help him out.

Great job.

Oh, yeah.

One day I show up to work.

A no-teeth co-worker asks me how I feel about killing cats.

I politely let him know I'm not a fan.

He takes me to his truck, pulls out a revolver, two Glocks, two ARs, and tells me the task today is to kill the stray cats hanging around the shop.

I convince him to not kill the cats.

He takes me into the woods, and we shoot trees instead.

I end up

part of the job on the clock.

Hey, I ended up trapping all the cats and dropping them off at a local dump sites around the county.

So to answer your question, where does your boss keep the guns?

In the back of the truck covered with a blanket.

See, that's the thing is that I love this guy because he also just wanted to shoot the guns.

He was dissuaded from killing by just being like, Well, can't literally shoot the guns.

And they're like, Yes.

So that's a, we're seeing some of the solution right there.

We're seeing some of it right there.

And he said, Um, same dude once had a porn titled Cleaning My Cunt play over his car, Bluetooth, while I was in the car with him.

Oh,

interesting.

Cleaning my cunt is not, that's a heck.

I mean, if you're calling it your cunt, probably needs to be cleaned.

Hey, or

you need to have some respect for yourself.

Yeah.

So, someone here just says, I also got some pushback about Dan Marino.

Oh, of course.

People, you know, there's Jet fans out there.

There are a lot of people saying, one, someone saying that this is honestly one of the crueler terms I've seen, which is Dan Marino is not the greatest quarterback of all time.

He had an unreal stat-padding stretch from 84 through 88.

Yeah, it was unbelievable.

He was the best, it was one of the best runs someone could have.

But they view it as a fluke after 1986.

He never threw for more than 30 touchdowns in a season.

After 85, you only won a season to give a balanced team.

You only had seasons with a completion percentage above 60 percent five times in a season.

What's wrong with that?

Let's change it at all.

Oh, change the situation.

This was to be the year.

Dan Marino, 11-year veteran quarterback, was to surpass 290 career touchdowns, 3,200 completions, and 40,000 passing yards.

Well, maybe next year, but you can't keep this guy out of the game.

No shit, he did a blockbuster on the lanery.

No wonder he thought you were.

Blockbuster.

Can I please play now, Don?

Sorry,

I just went into overtime.

Stay in the game with Blockbuster.

Wow, so he did do a Blockbuster commercial.

So he did a Blockbuster commercial.

That's very interesting.

He works for them.

Wow, he did.

He works there.

Of course he thought he could skip the line.

But people also got...

He worked there.

If you're doing the commercial, what's the point?

That's a perk.

He probably shouldn't have even had to go to the store.

They should have invented Netflix for him back then so he could have called the store and they brought it to his house.

All I know is I got an email from someone who worked at Borders and they said, Richard Dreyfus always waited online.

Yeah, and look where Borders is now.

Wow.

You know, a lot of people say they want open borders.

Richard Dreyfus.

We all know that Barnes ⁇ Noble is doing a fine job.

Richard Dreyfus, a professional and known crank.

Yeah.

Even he waited online.

Yeah, it's because he needed something to bitch about.

No, but that's, you know, but, you know, that's what i'm saying a lot of people resonated with me saying celebrities should let the power of their

their magnanimy be shown yeah and i'm saying dan marino is a god he's not a celebrity this is called you help him you give him toxic fandom it's not toxic fandom toxic fandom no it's practical he doesn't care what dan marino's done if dan marino would have stayed in that store any longer a fucking crowd would have formed and the whole thing would have shut down they wouldn't have rented any videos it would have become a big autograph sighting we'll see it didn't sound like it was though, Eddie.

But this is not the last.

I'm just hoping that Dan Marino maybe can come on the show.

Oh, my God.

And clear this up.

I would love to.

Because right now, as far as I'm concerned, he's a villain and he needs to be cancelled.

I think he's a villain and needs to be

canceled.

What are you talking about?

You can't cancel Dan Marino.

Linegate.

Line gate is trying.

Line gate is starting now.

Linegate?

Lion gate is starting right now.

He should have had a, I'll tell you the real Lion Gate.

He didn't have a good enough offensive line for the second half of his career.

lace is out Dan that's right lace is out the man is in one of their most popular videos I'm just letting him skip the line you know how much money blockbuster made off of Ace Ventura

personally rented it like 20 times Dan Reno has the the right now he has the room

to break his silence what do you mean by break his silence hashtag line gate he doesn't have to do anything i would tell him for dan if you want to come by i would love to have you by right now to me the silence is deafening yeah And I think that the silent, the only thing less

of the crowd.

I'm just saying.

The silence is deafening.

Break the silence so we can hear something.

I don't even know.

I'm happy he cut the line.

How many people break, I'm so sick of the term break silence.

It makes me so fucking deeply pissed off.

Silence is deafening is aggravating.

I makes me using it when I want to piss people off.

That's why I did it to you.

Your silence is deafening.

Yes.

But Dan Marino's not silent.

He's a commentator.

No, I know.

He used to be.

Yeah.

DM him and tell him to come on Last Podcast on the Left.

He is DM.

Dude, DM him.

He can't DM the DM, man.

Mark, can you here?

Lift out.

Can you open up your phone right now and DM him?

You're a phone with him?

I didn't bring my phone.

Well, let me see.

I don't think he's on Instagram.

Yeah, he is.

Yeah, man.

Dan13 Marino.

Am I not following Dan Marino?

Are you not following Dan Marino?

He's got his business inquiries on here.

Should I?

Oh, yeah, yeah, let's tell me.

We should ask him about

how he is reacting.

No, I am following Dan Marino.

We should ask him how he's reacting to the current rise of allegations of his improper behavior in the 90s.

You don't have to do that.

No, just say that.

No, just start doing that.

How do you respond?

How do you respond to accusations against you?

Allegations.

No.

Allegations

of improper behavior.

There are no allegations.

He was acting the way he should.

I'm just saying, don't.

Tell him what for.

Just say gations of activities in the 90s.

Wow, Henry, you have more followers than Dan Marino.

Yeah, I do.

Wow.

Yeah, I do.

That's fucked up.

Yourself followers.

Kidding.

You have more Instagram followers than Dan Marino.

It's pretty cool.

See, why aren't you nervous with me?

He's verified.

He's verified.

Verified.

Seriously, though, if we hit him with the gations, I bet you we get an email back.

All right, I'm unfollowing you, Henry.

You can't unfollow me.

I just did.

No, you gotta follow me back.

No, I can't follow you back.

Why?

I just unfollowed you.

It's a consequence to your words.

No, no, no.

You're insulting me.

I'm saying that now I don't want to

stop your information.

You want to be informed.

All right, I'll follow you.

You put a fucking basket of my father's junk in the fucking grass.

All right, I followed you back.

Thank you.

Now you're unfollowed.

All right, maybe I'll just restrict you.

Yeah, restrict me.

But listen,

you'll never see a PR guy hit you faster if you hit him with that Gations word, man.

No.

And that's how we start booking.

All right, first of all.

That's what we should have done with Ariaster.

He did Mark Marin, though, guys.

We got to start doing that stuff.

He did Mark Maron.

We got to start doing that.

He doesn't even have a show anymore.

He's like, I quit.

And then he's got like three months of shows.

He didn't quit.

No.

He's still got new episodes coming out.

He's a fucking liar.

Another fucking liar.

That's why every day, man, I get out there and I live knowing that I expose liars.

I expose expose every day with the lamplight of truth and we all love the fact that i'm the fucking strongest man in the goddamn continental united states of america and i'm the only person willing to stand up to the current fucking administration also stick up for sniffers everywhere okay and i'm gonna laugh at the fact that everyone's gonna be angry at me all right because we didn't stick up for the sniffers we didn't you just did though no but i didn't mean to

You fucking piece of shit.

The way you talk about Dan Marino in front of me.

I want you to understand that what i've decided to do is much like batman you understood

that it's more than just being bruce wayne in a costume that he's a symbol yeah that's me this guy's sitting here talking working at borders too real

is bigger than henry zaprowski who gives a shit about richard dreyfus people some people do jaws is your favorite film i love jaws and you know what If I was working somewhere and Richard Dreyfus was standing there, I'd be like, hey, Richard, would you like to cut the line?

You can cut the entire line.

That's what Dan Marino should have waited for.

Oh,

that's what I'm saying, Dan Marino.

Using my words against me.

Dan Marino shouldn't have to wait for it.

He just walks up to the front.

You take care of him and you move on.

He's busy.

Yeah, he just with what?

His family.

He's over now.

It's over.

His family's dead.

His family's not dead.

I mean, they're all older.

He has extra family that's appearing out of nowhere.

That's disgusting.

He has a child on a wetlock.

I mean, he's got places to be.

That's what happens when you make wedlock wetlock.

Oh, is is it wedlock?

Yeah.

Is that wetlock?

What does wedlock even mean?

You thought it was wetlock?

Yeah.

It means being married.

It means being married.

Out of wedlock means having a baby or having sex outside of marriage.

Oh, I thought you just like slipped into someone's vagina because it was wet.

That's having a baby.

I'm out of the wetlock and into the...

I'm out of the wetlock and into the...

It it would be out of the dry lock and into the wetlock That's where yeah, that's a good idea

wetlock

joint jointing Oh, by the way, this came from a Vikings fan someone's this means nothing

This means absolutely nothing Vikings they're just mad because they tried to court Dan Marino when he retired.

They wanted him to be a Viking and he's like nah I'm not gonna fucking move to Minnesota.

Yeah, and the Vikings so wisely also hired Britt Favre after the scandal.

Yeah.

You know, I know, but Eddie, I

used to rapist.

I think it's really dolphins are too.

Wow.

I really think

that it's funny that people have named us as like

references in their like college theses

and like PhD programs.

That's disgusting.

Let's go to patreon.com slash last podcast on the left to watch us do this the right way, the old school way.

Rob, go back to that.

No, he's enjoying that television program.

He's just looking at pictures of Dan Marino's Instagram account.

Just do this on your phone.

You can do this on your, you can do this on a light.

I like it on the big screen.

No, do this at a light on your way home.

Oh, there he is with the goose.

Wow, big guy.

Yeah, we lost a great one.

Go to NLP on the left for all the social bullshit.

Go and see our new YouTube channels.

Oh, Jesus, Henry.

NLP at TV, someplace underneath.

It'll be in Romantic

on the foreign report.

You want to go check it out wherever you can get your YouTubes.

It's on YouTube.

Yeah, you're dying.

Yep.

Come and see us live.

Henry and I got some shows coming up.

On September 21st, we're going to be in Kansas City, Missouri at the Truman.

On Friday, October 24th, Redway, California at the Matteo Community Center.

I'm telling you, if you're ever going to travel for a show, that's the one.

The Redwoods are beautiful.

And if you are a fan of marijuana,

it might be at that show.

Yo, it's going to be awesome.

And you can experience joy firsthand.

Now, who is joy?

Some bitch.

That's right.

Sunday, November 30th, Columbus, Ohio.

We're going to be at the Newport Music Hall.

And, of course, please come to my show, Dead Men Tell Some Tales, a dark dive into Disney history.

That's going to be at the Elysian Theater.

Yeah, go watch Eddie get himself

21st.

And go watch him get stricken from the allowable list, personal list.

Oh, my God.

If they don't let me into Disney anymore because of this show, I'm coming to Dan Marino's house.

Yeah.

That's going to be my new Disneyland.

Oh, okay.

I thought you were to kill him or something.

No, I'm going to hang out.

Dan Marino, he's on his way.

I'm going to ride his rides.

So if you don't want to break your silence about the allegations against you.

We're buddies.

We're going to see what happens, Dan Marino.

He signed a personal autograph for me.

I know he remembers.

I snuck under the thing.

If he doesn't remember, he has other children.

He'll definitely remember that.

I think he remembered the other children.

Yeah.

He just came crawling looking for that not Super Bowl money.

Yeah, there's so for first of all, his contract was Super Bowl contract.

That's a big old contract.

By the way, this one person here, I really got to talk to them.

They said

in their email here, it says, Ed has never seen the Dolphins win a Super Bowl.

He's like, here are some facts.

And Ed has never seen the Dolphins win a Super Bowl.

His fondest memories of a Dolphins, as a Dolphins fan, are his parents' generation fondly reminiscing about the 70s.

Those aren't my fondest memories.

I don't care about the greatest team that ever played football.

I think we're going to have to wrap it up.

You know, I know

my fondest memories are watching Dan Marino fake Spike against the Jets and then winning in the last second.

That's one of my fondest memories.

And also

John Alfredahl.

No one's coming for him.

He's the great.

He's really the greatest dolphin.

So anyway,

what are we doing?

We all know for a fact the greatest dolphin was Flipper.

Thank you, everyone.

We're going to see you next week.

Flipper wasn't even his fucking name.

Hail Satan.

He committed suicide on my birthday.

That's right.

Hail Dan Marino.

Every day for the rest of my life.

Fucking assholes.

I get sick of this shit.

You wish.

I have a book for you, Eddie.

Joy.

Every contracted muscle, every frozen area of the body holds impulses of anger that is fundamentally the aggression needed to restore the integrity of freedom.

And this is bullshit.

Fuck you!

I love you, Ted, and I will see you home.

Hi, I'm Angie Hicks, co-founder of Angie.

And one thing I've learned is that you buy a house, but you make it a home.

Because with every fix, update, and renovation, it becomes a little more your own.

So you need all your jobs done well.

For nearly 30 years, Angie has helped millions of homeowners hire skilled pros for the projects that matter.

From plumbing to electrical, roof repair, to deck upgrades.

So leave it to the pros who will get your jobs done well.

Hire high-quality pros at Angie.com.

Hi, listeners.

Marcus Edd and Henry here with a little bit of an announcement.

You loving all the episodes of Last Podcast on the Left lately?

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Squeeze it out of us.

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Do it.