Side Stories: Mo Money Less Problems

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Side stories?

That's when the cannibalism started.

Side stories.

Yes.

Oh, yeah.

Yes, another beautiful day here in Radio Land.

Yeah, yeah, nothing but laughter.

Nothing but wall-to-wall yucks.

Is that right, Eddie?

Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday.

Hey!

But when they get it, it's Wednesday.

I'm the ham man.

Oink, oink.

We need a soundboard.

Why don't we have a soundboard?

We have one.

So many people have accused us of being one sound.

We have one sound.

What's our sound?

This

perfect moment.

And I'd like for the audience.

I just want the audience to just

before we begin today.

this pan flute's for you.

Yes.

Frying pan flute.

If you're putting some pork.

But unless of course you're trying to diet.

Yes.

Then.

Just the flute.

What this sound will allow you to do is release the tensions from wondering if a flood's going to sneak up on you now that there's no weather alerts anymore.

Yes.

It's so nice that this all happened right before hurricane season.

I think it's good to allow this pan flutes to settle in while we wait wait for the truth about Jeffrey Epstein.

He did nothing, apparently.

Scott Klein.

I can't completely in.

And I just want to just,

you know what I do?

I take, I'm in CBT right now, right?

So we do this thing called Half Smile Willing Hands.

Cheeseburger therapy?

No, no, no.

That's myself.

That's my self-directed treatment plan.

But with Half-Smile, what you're supposed to do is think of the most upsetting thing you can think of.

So right now what I'm thinking of is Trump making love to his daughter.

Okay.

Well, that's not that upsetting.

I mean, it is.

And so what I'm doing is I'm...

It's just facts or facts.

The key here is just smile, half smile.

Willing hands, open hands.

And you immediately feel better about the image.

Ah.

You know what I did when I was really upset about the flood in Texas yesterday?

What?

I just watched a bunch of Stevie Rayvon live.

Saw him do Texas Flood 10 minutes.

Man, that guy fucking rocks.

I think that's inappropriate.

I think it's inappropriate.

You were listening.

It's how I channeled my anger.

You were listening to Texas Flood.

Yes.

By Stevie Rayvon.

And

I am thankful he didn't have to live to see this.

No.

No, no.

I am thankful.

So welcome to Side Stories.

I think he would have preferred to be alive.

Oh, very much so.

I think that he'd been like, I just got cleaned.

Yeah.

Mr.

Blues.

Man, when's the last time you saw him fucking his noodle, dude?

That dude fucking, he had some stink face.

No, he really did.

He was honestly probably the blackest white man to ever exist, and he was allowed.

And welcome to Side Stories.

My name is Henry Zabrowski.

I'm here with Ed Ed Larson.

How you doing, everybody?

Well, if people a lot of stuff's flying around, Eddie, you think, is there news?

There's a lot of news.

Is there news?

There's more news that

we can use.

More news than we can use.

Yep, yep, and nothing.

Fucking assholes.

Not all of it's great.

So, number one, I believe the death toll in

the Texas floods, these flash floods, it just rose to 101.

Cracked 100.

I do believe that it wiped out a bunch of children on a girl scout mission, something like that.

But there were those two Mexican girls that saved a bunch of girls.

Those two different girls.

They did good.

And another guy, I saw some other guy, he saved like 100 people, but it doesn't really matter.

It's just one of these, it's really, really sad, and it's, there's no way for us to make it.

funny.

I watched a video of people looking at the, like, it would look about 40 adults filming the flood coming.

Oh, very much so.

And it wasn't until a child said, should we run, that they were all like, yeah, we should.

I do feel like it's sort of, that is a microcosm of the entire issue.

Yeah.

In which they're just, the adults are watching a big, massive thing come to kill everybody.

And it's taking some of the kids, one or two of the kids, to be like, maybe we should not.

Do that.

You know, it's just very difficult, but our hearts go out to the people that are dealing with this.

It's extremely fucking horrible.

I fucking love you, Texas, especially San Antonio.

We do.

Sorry, we can't send anything.

That's how it goes.

Yeah, what'd you send?

50 bucks.

Oh, wow.

That's great.

To where?

To where?

I said, I can't remember.

Somewhere they've told me to do it and I did it.

We'll fuck it.

We'll fuck it up.

I'll put it towards the end.

I'll look it up.

Other big news this week.

I just want to say thank.

I want to say big thank you.

A huge, huge, heartfelt thank you to the YouTuber that runs the FBI and the blonde prostitute that is the attorney general that they have declared Jeffrey Epstein committed suicide.

That's done.

This case is closed, and there is no way,

no way he ever held any form of blackmail material on anybody that was extremely important to the U.S.

government or technology or education or politics or within the intelligence community or within the Israeli intelligence community or within the English intelligence community or royalty.

There's just absolutely no way.

He did nothing.

Nothing except for there is apparently quite a bit of child pornography that they are

gigging their way through.

Yeah.

And he committed suicide.

So that's kind of, that's a type of murder.

Yes.

You know, he did that.

They call that.

They honestly, they say that suicidality is a direct connection to homicidal intentions.

Oh.

Because you're killing the whole world when you kill yourself.

Wow.

And so it's actually very difficult.

The Convoy of Hope, by the way.

I found it.

Oh, good.

That's who I donated to.

This is not about Epstein.

Not about Epstein.

I'm going backwards, but I just wanted to say Convoy of Hope.

So I just think it's.

But when you do it, do it in Jeffrey Epstein's name.

Please.

If anything, honestly, if we can get multiple receipts of you giving money to the Texas floods to Convoy of Hope in Jeffrey Epstein's name, I'm sending you a shirt.

I'm going to send you a fucking shirt.

I want to see it.

Because again, help,

but make them confused.

That's always the key.

That's always the key.

Uh, but Jeffrey Epstein, it's you know, Donald Trump.

Turns out he's a good guy, he's a good guy, he's a normal guy.

You know, well, except for you, did you see the pictures of him with like sucking on the ear of a child that was like sitting directly on his dick and balls on his little private chat?

I missed that one, yeah.

And there was also the one with his

text chain, yeah,

I should have sent it, I should have sent it.

I, I, I forgot to include you, that's with my other boys.

Um, I,

you know, I didn't expect anything less.

I didn't expect anything.

The footage that they put out as a part of, so obviously Pam Biondi, she released this like scattershot section of documents in February of this year that had nothing that we hadn't seen before, except for some unredacted addresses of certain numbers inside of his little black book, but that led to nowhere.

Then they said, the client list is on my desk.

We're going to fucking go.

We're going hunt everybody one by one.

Then Elon Musk and Trump had their little stupid fake Kayfei breakup in front of everybody where Musk said that Trump was on the list and that's the reason why he's covering it up.

And then he said, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.

Can I still be a Nazi in America?

And then they went and he, so they were like, We're gonna get to the very bottom of this.

And then it seems it all just kind of went zip right all the way back up because they're saying Epstein had no client list, but we know he had a little black book.

Yes.

And I just think that maybe an international spy,

I'm going to say across the globe child sexual abuse material producer,

a member of the intelligence community.

I'm just thinking he's not going to write at the top of a list, client list.

Yeah.

Here's all the names and

three girls to Clinton.

I don't think it works like that.

I think that he was a bit clever.

I also think that maybe a lot of the really

intense evidence is in the center of all of this CSAM, all this child sexual abuse material that is a bit icky for the FBI to go through.

Yes.

And this new guy, I mean, you know, get put in the work.

See what he can find.

The only thing he's doing right now is like, I honestly think it's just him, RFK Jr.

are hanging out with a bunch of Falconers, golfing on the weekends while Texas slides into the fucking crevices of the earth.

and while every single criminal that has a touch to a camera is doing great.

I just have to assume since Patel has access to all of the child pornography that he's just jerking off to it all day.

You know, honestly at some point he's like, get this away from me.

I've had enough.

You know, I'm empty.

I can't come anymore.

If I jerk off one more time through this child sexual abuse material, my wife's gonna talk to me.

You know, that's not what they want to deal with.

We also saw this week that the Diddy verdict was disappointing.

Yes.

He got, obviously, they had overcharged him on the Rico stuff.

I guess.

I honestly think it was just the jury did not fully understand what they were there to do.

It seems that quite a bit, this is more conjecture, and it seems to be some kind of like, I was reading some commentary on it.

So I don't know if this is true or not, but it actually seems that some of the freak off video material did did the opposite of what they thought it was going to do.

They just got everyone horny?

I think that it, but the problem is that the jury maybe could not understand that on camera and in this scenario, everybody can look like they're having fun.

Yes.

But the scenario around it is not.

So that's the issue.

As I think that

we have a bit of a jury education problem.

I do believe that's a part of what happened here.

And they could not properly convince them that he was trafficking women around in some gigantic racketeering

industry.

Kind of weird how it happens the same week.

You know, Eddie?

You know, Eddie, you wonder.

You really fucking wonder.

Because now Diddy's trying to get his, he's going to get his pardon from Trump.

He was denied bail.

Was denied bail because he's definitely going to run the second that he's out of there.

The second he's out of there.

But he's also really thankful for the fact that he didn't get the racketeering charges.

You could see as he fell to his knees in exultation when they just gave him probably, he might get 10 years.

They sang five.

I doubt he even gets that.

Yeah, yeah, I think they're gonna, I think they're gonna slap his wrist and they're gonna let him go.

I think because they don't want to deal with it anymore.

And I think that so do you think that it's you know

more money, less problems?

Eddie, yeah,

I think that you, I think that you might just hit upon an esoteric universal truism.

Yeah.

More money, less problems.

More money, less problems.

Yeah, because you really can get rid of a lot of problems with this amount of money.

Because even with all the fines, even with everything levied against P.

Diddy, you know what he's going to be worth after it?

What?

$400 million.

Really?

So he's fine.

Yeah, no, it seems like he's got it all figured out.

He's fine.

He's going to come.

He's going to make records in jail.

They all gave him an outstanding ovation when he walked into jail.

So it's like it's a whole right now, as people, Eddie,

do we need to be worse people?

I'm excited for his new song.

It's all about the Benjamin Netanyahus.

Whoa, that is actually going to be very, it's very complicated.

And I don't even know if we can keep it in the show.

I don't know.

I am not even really certain what the joke is.

I don't even really know, but I know.

I don't know what the joke is.

But I know.

You just know that it's upsetting.

Oh, yeah.

I was, I was watching this thing.

One of the funny things, you know, obviously I go to in my, one of my big boomer things, I listen to old Stern episodes.

And one of the things was an old, Eric the actor was a whackpacker that had a manager by the name of Johnny Frado.

And he talked about how his, Johnny Frado said that his father was connected deep into the Jersey

mafia.

And he would do this thing whereas little kids, they'd always ask questions.

questions.

He'd always say like, if anybody asks you anything that happens in this house or anything, you don't know nothing, you didn't hear nothing.

All right.

And the way you're going to know when I answer that, you're going to feel it in your belly.

Right.

And he said that they got in trouble as kids because of 9-11.

When they sucked about 9-11, they asked me, no, it was JFK.

They asked about who killed JFK.

And he said that, like, it was right after he was assassinated.

And so the first thought in his head was like, the nun asked him, so who was the man who shot JFK?

And his first answer was, I don't know nothing.

I didn't see nothing.

I didn't hear nothing.

And he was just like, because I knew, I felt in my gut that it was that type of question.

And so

this is where we're at.

I think that I personally, I believe in the end,

I do, I am one of those that believe that Jeffrey Epstein did kill himself.

I think he was given an opportunity to kill himself.

Yeah, they said, hey, Jeff, it's time to go.

And he said, no problem.

Got it wrong.

Will do.

Yep.

And I do believe he himself was genuinely upset about being in jail.

The video that was released to prove it this time was this 10-hour long, something like that, video of the outside of Epstein's cell in this Manhattan correctional facility.

And you see it, and they say this proves nobody walked in and killed Jeffrey Epstein.

But then guess what they did?

What?

They released it, and there's a minute.

cut from it.

There's a minute cut from it in the most, this is what you'd call like, if this isn't a limited hangout, which is a CIA term for leaving a little bit of information enough out to say we acknowledge it, but then look, this is real.

This cut from 11.58 to midnight on the night that Epstein committed suicide is real.

Oh my God.

And then a reporter directly asked Trump today.

in the White House about this missing minute and he goes off flips out about like, why are we talking still about Jeffrey Epstein the most guilty man yelling because I don't even think that Trump's the most guilty when it comes to the connections of Jeffrey Epstein no of course not I think it's Clinton's way ahead of him I think there's a guy I think Trump was a fellow predator that was friends with a predator yes and they were they were co-predators in separate little lakes and then eventually when they're, when they, that's what they do, they butt heads.

I think they went to each other's lake a couple times.

Oh, they fucked children together.

Yes.

But they were, but he didn't buy those children from Epstein.

He bought, he brought his own.

He had a BYOC.

You think so?

Yes, he brought his own children to the party.

And then Jeffrey Epstein has his children at the party, and he's given them the Prince Andrew.

Also, don't worry, the FBI completely exonerated Prince Andrew.

Okay, good.

Thank God.

So he's fine too.

Definitely didn't do anything.

Yeah.

Definitely didn't do anything.

It's just this,

I don't know how to feel, Eddie.

Well, I mean, what did you expect?

Did you think that Trump was going to be like, you know what?

I'm on the list.

We should arrest me.

You know, did you think that's what he was going to do?

No.

No.

No.

You know what's funny is that I'm just even surprised.

It's just.

This is how I truly I think how bad the current administration is at being villains right now.

Yeah.

Like how bad they are at being the villain.

It's the fact that if you really wanted to make me shut the fuck up, you would have never mentioned it ever again.

You would have buried it fully.

You would have said it's classified.

Yeah.

This is way worse of a move than the other one.

Just out of nowhere, expect.

Nothing.

Nothing.

But because you know what?

It's also to keep us all talking about the fact, and it is true.

We are here talking about Epstein and not talking about the fact that they gutted all these national institutions.

That is going to make the weather way more difficult to predict.

But we did that on top.

Yeah, I know.

I just said.

That is the real, that's like one of the big things that they're also glossing over.

Where's Musk now?

Yeah.

Well, Musk is, he's still tweeting about the Epstein list and he's invoking Peanut the Squirrel.

I saw.

Yeah, he said that.

You should gleep Peanut the Squirrel's name out of your fucking mouth, you South African Nazi.

That's right.

Fuck you.

Get the fuck out of of my country.

You're the one person I hope they deport.

Okay.

I hope they wrap your head in fucking duct tape and ship you to the worst place in the goddamn world.

I'll say about getting a Tesla.

I perform my German auto engineering.

I love my German auto engineering.

Okay, so today I promised that we would start intense and then we're going to get stupider as we go.

Yeah.

So that I feel like we've done that.

The thing that we started intense.

Can I do something kind of intense?

Slightly stupid?

Michael Madsen died.

What do you think about

slightly stupid?

You know what's funny about Michael Madsen is that I've never heard a single nice thing said about the man himself.

I don't know if I've heard bad things either.

I don't think, I just, it's much as like, I just know he's rotten.

Michael Madsen is one of those complicated faves.

I watched a interview because whenever someone dies, Letterman puts out an interview with him.

Oh, sure.

Like it's just like what he does on YouTube.

Like, and he's, Letterman's quick.

His cat, like, if they're dead, like, I'm talking 20 minutes.

Letterman's like, here's my interview.

You know, so, but then, so I watched the Michael Madsen one last night, and he's just talking about how in Reservoir Dogs, the cop who was in the trunk, he wanted to, like, get ready for his scene.

And then, so he told Madsen to put him in the trunk and drive around the block.

But Madsen took him for a ride for 45 minutes and like banged up his head and shit.

And like, really hurt him.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It sounds like he said he wanted to get prepared for the scene.

Yeah, I mean, and then you let Mr.

Pink, if if you're going to let, what was the name?

He was Mr.

Mr.

He wasn't Mr.

Pink.

That wasn't Mr.

Pink.

He was Mr.

Blonde.

So if you're going to fucking let him go, you want to get method with Michael Madsen.

He might fuck you up.

He did have some issues.

He did some charity work quite a bit for the Shriners.

But he did have some legal issues.

He definitely was accused of battering on his wife.

And he definitely had some misdemeanor trespassing charges earlier.

Actually, pretty recently.

Oh, recently?

Yep.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, and his son committed suicide, which is very sad.

That's not, yeah, that's not a black mark on him, I guess.

No, that's very sad, but it didn't help with their marriage.

No, it certainly did not help.

But he's been doing it.

Otherwise, he was a...

He freed Willie.

He did.

And he was great in Cincinnati, and he will be missed.

I think as far as like bad dudes who also play bad dudes in movies, he was one of the best at it.

Same thing if you talked about.

Tom Sizemore.

Tim and Tom Sizemore were constantly.

God, you know, they had fun together.

Oh, I don't even.

But you know what?

You say fun.

They had fun.

They had fun.

Everybody else was frightened.

Yeah.

But at least they were having fun.

What do you think?

Do you think Chris Penn seemed like he was probably nice, though?

No, no, no.

I'm going to say Chris Penn might have been nice.

I think that if you were serving him food or you were sitting on his lap and you had a big ass big tits, he might really like you.

I know his brother is Sean Penn, who doesn't have the best of the reputation.

Not a good reputation, no.

But maybe Chris Penn died early enough.

Whoa, I didn't know that they were in a movie together.

Tom Seismore and Michael Madsen were in a movie called Buckle Up, a six-part series.

Okay.

What was that from?

It's 2023.

They had to have been in a couple of things together.

That's called a divorce project.

Do you think they were?

They had to have been in a bunch of movies together.

But now that I'm thinking about it, it's all like connected in a weird way, but they're not in the same ones.

Because Michael Mattson, Tom Sizemore, was he in any other.

Tom Sizemore was in True Romance and Natural Born Killers, playing the character of Jack Skagnetti, who they reference in Reservoir Dogs as his parole officer.

That's fascinating.

But he's not actually in the Tarantino-directed films.

That's a real...

That's my little

movie nerd brain thing.

Really good work.

Tom Sizemore also lost...

Wow, yeah, a lot of problems.

A lot of problems.

Tom Saymore had quite a lot of people.

Tom Sizemore, he was a bad man.

Tom Sizemore had a bigger career and bigger criminal career.

He had both.

Yeah.

He technically had more movies under his belt than I was.

I'm pretty sure Tom Sizemore died in every movie he was in.

As he should have.

At least, you know, Michael Madsen was in Free Free Willie, and he got to live then.

Dude, you know what I'm saying?

But the whale, you know, ended up dying.

You know what just came on Criterion, which is great.

Strange Days.

Oh, I was hoping you were going to say Free Willie 2.

I just watched Strange.

Free Willie 2.

Free Willie 2 straight to the can.

No, I just watched Strange Days.

Great.

It's a great movie.

Crafted Bigelow.

Fucking awesome.

Super, super fucking.

I love that movie.

Right now.

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And I will not be destroyed by these children that keep purchasing my businesses.

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Hey, Eddie, what?

You know what doesn't belong in your epic summer plans?

What doesn't belong in my epic summer plans?

Getting burned by your old wireless bill.

Oh my gosh, it burns me all the time.

I know it's like, halala.

Oh, so hot.

Hot.

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Well, what should be holding me back?

Probably,

I would say you've got problems with, you know, you have acid reflux.

Yeah.

You got some problems consuming dairy.

I can barely swim.

You are afraid of loud noises?

I hate loud noises.

You're afraid of being outside.

Crack you.

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Also, big stupid news, big important thing to remind you guys: they try to take him away from us.

Woo!

Oh boy's back!

They tried to,

these motherfuckers, fucking idiots, these fucking pieces of fucking shit gatekeepers tried to keep our boy Joey Chestnut from having competing advertising deals with other competitive eating competitions.

God forbid he'd eat a vegetable.

God fucking forbid.

So Joey Chestnut, he walked away from the July 4th hot dog eating competition, Nathan's famous dogs in Coney Island last year.

And guess what?

It fucking suffered for it.

Yeah, nobody gave a shit.

Nobody gave a fucking shit, you idiot.

Stupid ass hot dog assholes.

And say, welcome Joey Chestnut back, back.

And immediately took the title back just as he was supposed to.

That's my fucking boy.

70 dogs, man.

70 and I think it's a half.

70 and a half.

Don't fucking take that from him.

I won't take that from him.

Yeah, that's big numbers.

Yes.

For a big boy.

Oh, yeah.

God, he really is, like, honestly, when you look at just straight statistics, maybe the greatest champion in sports history.

Better than Wayne Gretzky.

Yeah.

He's better than anybody else in the world.

I'm not a stupid fucking Canadian.

Oh, you missed that.

You stupid fucking Canadian.

You spilt on your jerky boy shirt.

Yeah, no, I got coffee on my shirt.

Oh, God.

I'm all covered in it.

I missed my mouth.

But yeah, he's doing good.

And so, you know, again, this goes to our third year in the row of asking Joey Chestnut to be on the show.

Please, Joey.

We tried to email him at Joey Chestnut at Gmail.

We tried to email him.

Hey, you want Joey Hot Dogs at Gmail?

Please get in touch because I want to know.

I want to talk about it.

I want to have a leisurely meal.

Leisurely.

With Joey Chestnut.

But I want it to last hours.

Yes.

Yeah, Maybe a buffet.

Let's go to

you know what we should go to?

Mozah.

Moza.

We should go to mozza.

Oh, you think Joey likes mozzarella?

I hope he likes mozzarella.

I love mozza.

How do you think he would do at the Vegas seafood buffet?

Oh, he'd tear it up.

Yeah.

You eat fucking, he wouldn't even shell those crabs.

Crack them with his teeth.

All right, so now it's time.

Because we were talking about the holiday, I know are we so proud to be American?

Because at least I know I know where my laws are written yeah and so what I am going to do I know where I pe I think it is sure yes I do and it's in my pants

so we want to talk about some of the fun ass this is just the truth is that we got a good breakdown of all the people who died on July 4th.

I mean, lots of things happened on July 4th.

Lots of people died.

But I think before we really get into all the deaths, I think we need to acknowledge New York.

Oh, God, New York City.

New York.

my my congratulations you guys did it i'm so proud of you not one person was killed or shot on july 4th in new york city until one of the funniest

one of this is extremely this is extremely funny so the nypd was so happy so this was uh it was 10 a.m it was like on friday morning right that morning they the nypd is so happy zero shootings or murders in new york city on july 4th the The last time in recorded history that happened was never.

Like, that was the tweet, right, that they put out.

However, hours later, the NYPD had to confirm that, update, a man was dropped off at Brookdale Hospital by private means at 1:30 a.m.

on July 5th.

He was pronounced dead this morning.

NYPD detectives just determined he was shot at 11:45 on July 4th.

Fuck!

Fuck shit!

That's what you get.

God damn it.

All bumps.

Don't celebrate until you're on the podium.

That's how that goes.

Don't you, you cannot.

This is an example.

This is a lesson.

You don't celebrate.

You know how many times they used to show those on the ESPN, the highlights of like the guys celebrating before they won?

Oh, yeah.

Leon Lett, you know, trying to take the ball all the way.

And then he gets, and Don BB comes and knocks the ball out of his hand.

Just don't do it.

You got to secure the fucking W.

that's right that is the only way to so make sure no matter what also when you're watching horror movies and stuff like that when i'm watching people handle like you know criminals and stuff like that

beat them to death

yeah if you got

if you're beating them right and they've tried to kill you Okay, and this is for anybody who's inside of a horror movie right now or is defending themselves while listening to the show, you fucking just kill them.

Okay?

You need to complete the job.

Because if not, they come back.

Murder, death, kill, man.

Every time.

Yeah, I'm watching these movies.

Everyone's always fucking monologuing.

No.

Murder.

Kill him.

Talk to his dead body.

Kill him.

Kill him.

Call his wife.

Monologue at her.

Absolutely.

Do it on GoFu Live.

Yeah.

On Instagram, Facebook.

There's so many ways you could still monologue.

Always.

Yes.

I'm an expert.

So just know that.

Kill first.

Then monologue.

Yeah.

So, yeah.

So the cops, they fucked this up.

NYPD,

a little short.

Little short.

Yeah.

Honestly, we're calling them on it.

I do remember one year, it was like New Year's Day, and then like a top headline in New York Post: no one murdered in Times Square last year.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it's just like an eight-block radius.

Yep.

But it wouldn't be New York if it wasn't dangerous, so it has to stay that way.

Yes.

So sorry, guys.

Yeah.

That's what is happening to you.

You know, there's so many millions of people.

I can't believe just one person was murdered.

No, it's a big deal.

How about that?

It's still a deal.

I still think it's a great accomplishment.

It's a great stat.

Yeah.

Because, I mean, it's what?

There's eight to nine million people that live in New York.

And any given day, there's what?

How many tourists?

Another two million.

And then you got Bridge and Tunnel coming in.

That's another two, three million.

Straight up.

So we're talking like 15 million people.

Only one person got murdered.

That is good numbers.

But Eddie, we didn't set the parameter.

If they would have came out and said just one person murdered, I would have been proud of them.

I would have been like, good job, guys.

But because they said no and they were wrong, now they're fucking idiots.

Yeah, you fucked you.

You were wrong, and that's stupid to do.

Because guess what?

Guess what?

Close only counts in grenades and horseshoes, buddy.

That's right.

Because that doesn't, yeah, it's still somebody fucking died.

All right.

And it's just because we love to celebrate the way that we celebrate.

And Ventura County, because California, one person died on a July 3rd house fire after a fireworks exploded in the garage.

Okay, yeah.

That does happen.

An eight-year-old girl was killed in an explosion during a large illegal fireworks display.

Yes.

That was in Orange County, of course.

That's just California.

Massachusetts, we got

even that is that's more sad and tragic versus this moron in Sussex County and Delaware.

Okay.

A man allegedly aimed numerous fireworks at people in the 100 block of Garfield Parkway.

He aimed a mortar-style firework at a large group of people on a beach.

Everyone just got burnt.

Yeah.

Yeah, they lost one of them guys.

And then, and then we got Florida had one.

You know, they

don't sleep on them.

Nassau County.

Oh, yeah.

Isn't that your people?

No.

Nassau?

Your Hillsboro.

Your Hillsborough.

Pinellas.

Pinellas?

Oh, yeah.

So in Nassau County, several people suffered minor injuries.

So not that bad.

And a large gangway collapsed.

So that's cool.

That happened at the Fernanda Breach Harbor Marina.

Yeah, dude.

You got to be careful.

Got to keep keep your head in a swivel just because all the idiots that are there don't be one.

Man, I remember when I watched I was on acid at the beach in Deerfield and I watched the pier explode on the 4th of July.

That shit was fine.

I fucking sparked up a blunt and just watched that shit fucking go.

It's fucked up, buddy.

It was fucked up, but you know what?

Sound like one of the choker's hitmen.

I was 17.

I probably would have applied for the job.

Oh, yeah, you're gonna let me get in there.

Let me fucking kill.

I want to set one of them on fire.

A man was seriously injured after being hit in the face by a firework.

Yeah.

This was in Illinois.

There was another one where a guy who died.

Oh, that was a crystal lake.

Oh, no.

Apparently, Jason's getting a maze at Halloween horror nights this year.

Can you talk to those people?

Can they tell us, can they let us go for free?

I've wanted to.

I know the, you know what's funny is that I know so many haunt actors.

Yeah.

They don't have any clout.

Yeah, the actors, they don't care about them at all.

No.

They can't even, I mean, honestly, I don't even think those guys can connect us to their dealers.

No.

no, no, no.

I'd still have to get a second recommendation for their Coke dealers.

Yes.

But I will say,

the scare actors I know are great, but they really can't seem to hook it up.

We love you, Hollywood Horror Nights.

Universal.

I love you.

I would go there every night.

Yeah, if I could.

Oh, I'd be outside.

I'd work there.

Oh, my God.

I really am mad that I missed my scare actor opportunity in life.

You would have not.

It's very difficult, Eddie.

I think I would have enjoyed it.

You would have for a while, as a younger man.

Yeah.

You would have, that's what I'm saying.

I missed it.

Yeah.

In my 20s.

Yeah, in your 20s, yeah.

That's because you have to have the energy to do it

over and over and over and over again and the screaming and yelling.

You know, it's like, you know, back in my 20s, you could, you could scare somebody, you know, every two minutes and it don't get old.

No, no.

I could do that for two, three months.

I mean, I technically, I still could.

But I'd get tired now.

I get, no, physically tired.

Yes.

I can't, I don't think I could physically do it anymore.

But I love scaring people.

Yes.

If I can, I will.

I would.

I'd scare more.

I wish I could.

I'd scare people in my neighborhood all year.

Nothing would make me happier than creating jump scares all year long.

And people just need to stop getting their head on a goddamn swivel.

Good news.

I think you do.

I think you scare some people.

All those satanic books you're putting in those little private libraries.

It's to educate.

Yeah.

Also,

they should be so lucky.

Some of them are rare.

Yeah.

I just put stuff in there.

Well, I did.

Did I tell you that I did put a bunch of henry miller in one oh really yeah you're all i was just joking you really did this but you know trop fucking cancer you know the book no where it's all like the angel fissures of a man the most delectable flowers that one can see the blossomings of gonerillo on his thin drifter hide i knew this the the translucent gel of his of his spittle on my my shaven cock like it's all stuff like that but i think it's important you know who it is.

If you know who it is, like anybody, I now am watching to see who takes the Henry Miller.

Because Henry Miller's, he's in libraries and stuff.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's, you know, he seems like an all right guy.

In Indiana, in Monroe County, a man died while lighting fireworks in Steinsville, northwest Bloomington.

The man apparently tried to light a large fireworks motor while holding it over his head.

An Indiana move.

23-year-old man.

Yes.

That's very, very sad, but it's also appropriate.

And also, I think a tower 23-year-old you all would like to die.

Yeah.

In many ways, I know that none of them really

don't get a sense of like wanting to live or die.

I think until like 30.

Yeah.

So I think that once you get there, like I think 23, if you told your ghost you died by blowing up your head with a fucking firework mortar, he's going to be like, awesome.

Yeah, fucking dad.

Yes.

Of course I did.

Remember when the guy who played Castle?

Did Theo Vaughn see it?

Fuck yeah.

Oh, good man.

Fuck you.

They're going to put it on.

Put it on the fucking Theo Vaughn, man.

That's what he needs.

Do you remember when the guy who played Gaston at MGM Studios put the mortar on his top of his head and then lit it and then it backfired and blew up his brains in front of all the other Disney cast members at their 4th of July party?

Hey, you got to be careful.

Got to really be careful.

That's the thing.

You got to remember, you're not Gaston.

You're not.

You are not.

You are just a dude.

You're just a man in a flammable outfit.

That's the thing.

You're in a very, very flammable outfit also caston's french

yeah so but no yay french the the french used to be super tough they used to be they killed all their leaders at one time that is cool yeah back in the day you know what i take it back france yeah they're fine they they protest all day they really

protest hard yeah they're just fun to make fun of course that's the idea that's what they they exist

this is this is the tete a tete we all have this is like this is what we're allowed.

They have like more civil liberties, but it's stinkier there.

Yeah, yeah, so we can make fun of them.

Yeah, and they're rude.

Yeah.

Oh, they're super rude.

Yeah.

Yeah, they're super mean.

That's real.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

So that's fine, though.

But again, it's because they are very, they do, they take their culture very seriously.

Yeah.

They take it very, very seriously.

And we don't, as we shouldn't.

No.

Because guess who out of other cultures we don't take seriously?

Halloween Horror Nights.

Any other culture that exists.

Yes.

Because I just don't.

Yes.

Yes.

I I don't accept your lifestyle ever to anyone.

That's to all people.

You know whose lifestyle I do accept?

Who?

Massachusetts in Barnstable County during a setup for an annual fireworks show, eight people suffered injuries.

Yeah, but that was on July 2nd.

Yeah, yeah, it doesn't fucking count.

That doesn't really count.

Yeah, people going to force it.

But they live.

I still feel like July 4th doesn't need to be a whole weekend.

I think it's one of those.

It could just be one day.

Yeah.

Unless you got it on like, it's nice to have the days off.

Well, it was on a Friday this year.

I know.

It's nice to have the days off.

And so you start on Thursday.

Yeah.

If you're

all through to Monday.

Yeah.

You know, so it's like us suckers in the entertainment industry.

We got to get back to work, Eddie.

You know how hard it is.

You know how hard it is, especially when there's news happening all over the globe.

Yeah.

And that's why we're introducing our brand new segment here on Side Stories.

It's called, I don't know if you've ever heard of this.

Oh, okay.

It's called The Ford Report.

And what we're doing here here is it's just

for today.

Yeah.

Go listen to the other foreign report, the real one where they talk very educatedly about very intense topics.

But today's foreign report is about crimes from other countries because we just wanted to call it this.

Yeah, yeah, foreign report.

It's our foreign report.

Yes, it is.

Yeah, this is what we care about that's happening around the news.

Bees attack French town.

That's what happened.

So you shouldn't have been rude.

You gotta be careful.

You gotta be ice.

Don't be rude to the bees.

In Aurilla, France, an unusual attack by bees.

The French town of Aurillot has left 24 people injured.

24.

Three that are in critical condition.

They say that they think it was because

like a wasp's nest.

Attacked the bees.

Attacked the bees.

They said that they've Asian.

Of course, racism.

Whoa.

Because French does have a little bit of a little touch of it, right?

So they said the mayor of Ode La France, what this person firstly did was that they obviously had a very big moustache.

And they have the one little, you know, the little eyeglass.

And they have a big floppy beret.

And they came out and they say, we do believe it is the Asian hornets.

Because they hit the Asian hornets.

Yeah.

Because they don't say just hornets.

And how do you know the difference?

I mean, you got to call a scientist.

Yeah, I mean, I don't know.

They're being racist.

Maybe.

Well, let me look at it.

All right, here's Asian hornets.

I'm looking them up.

Asian giant hornets.

Huge.

That's a big old fuck.

That's a fucking you can eat that.

Big ass hornet.

yeah.

You could cut that into little sleeves.

You could cut that into slices.

Man, hornets are fucked up.

All right, so that's an Asian hornet.

Yeah, it's a hornet.

And now I'm looking up an American goddamn hornet.

Yeah, what's a normal exactly the same?

They're exactly the same.

What about the murder hornets?

Remember those guys?

Remember when we cared about that?

Same shit.

Just littler.

Our hornets are a little smaller.

So why are ours called hornets and those are called Asian hornets?

Well, over there, they're American hornets.

What?

In Asia, they call them American hornets.

Do they?

Probably not.

It's like American cheese and Swiss cheese.

Yeah, what else?

Well, American cheese is just chemicals.

Yeah.

And French fries are Belgian.

Whoa, what the fuck?

Gotta be fucking kidding me.

And so this is a perfect example of they have no, obviously there's no military.

There's nothing going on in France.

And so they got nothing against the bees.

And so the bees just said, they had to wait.

Think about that.

That's also what I think is amazing.

I think that would also happen here.

We heard of the police.

There was that one beekeeper who got pulled over and he released his bees on the police.

Yes.

Bees

are truly the weapon of the proletariat.

Well, we got to be careful.

We can't be using his bees as weapons.

We need the bees.

But these bees are fine.

If you weaponize the bees, they got nothing like it's the Tommy Boy thing.

No, is it Tommy Boy?

Tommy Boy?

There are thousands of bees.

You're weapons of covering.

Bees are our way of beating the government.

If we harness the power of bees,

they can't do anything to stop stop us, bro.

Yeah.

Well, we don't need bees.

I need bees.

Seas get degrees.

Seas can't sting.

Sees got to get out there.

You could drown people in seas.

I would love to drown someone.

I know.

Fucking sea.

It's my bucket list.

Yes, but

that's drowning someone in.

In a bucket.

Yes.

Oh, we got a hornet thing up here.

All right.

So we got

European hornets.

Oh, they're very different.

European hornets actually bigger than the Asian Hornet.

So why are they blaming the Asian hornets?

Why are they so hard?

Because the Asian ones are the ones that attacked the European Hornets.

They're like, hey, they're smoking cigarettes, having a good time.

Yeah, they're like, no, I do not care.

I'm mostly.

I think I have a purchase on a bottle of wine and I watch a child get married.

One of my favorite things to do.

And yeah, I mean, France, they're just trying to throw fucking sauce at it.

And there's nothing they can do because the sauce just brings more bees creams.

That's the thing, man.

Bees just keep every weapon that they're throwing at them, a consomme, bees, a fucking an ice of blanched duck bees.

Like, this is, there's nothing they can do to stop the bees, man.

Except wait, 30 minutes.

Yeah.

They will go away.

They did.

We had to wait for 30 minutes for the bees to stop.

Well, because the bee can only sting you once and it dies.

Sometimes.

What do you mean, sometimes?

I don't think that happens every time.

they lose half their ass i do i might be wrong side stories held p-o-t-l at gmail.com but i believe that sometimes they do like a half little like they're suicide bombers you know when you just put the tip in yeah for fun yeah i think bees do that too you think so i think they just go like

i don't think they can i think they lose the tip but i don't think they always lose the tip i think if they go balls deep if they go abdomen deep no yeah not all bees die after they sting it's according to google ai

and if there's one thing we learned about ai this week and last week it's super reliable.

And it's definitely not an overblown text machine that is just hyped up by commercials.

Yeah, but I, what am I going to do?

Read the whole article?

We're in the middle of a show.

I know, exactly.

I don't have time to be.

Also, again, I'm on the toilet.

I'm playing my fruit game.

Yeah.

I don't have time to read every word of every article.

This one's not AI.

This is straight from this.

Don't say, yeah, yeah.

It's from a bee wrote this.

A bee wrote this.

Our beloved and deadly honeybees, they do not die when they sting.

It is very trump-coated.

I've been loving deadly, beautiful honeybees.

Absolutely, and they do not all die.

99.96% of bees did it.

Why do we talk about it?

Because it was one factoid one time.

Why do we talk about it?

I'm sick of this shit.

It's because it's what happened.

My whole life.

I'm like, bees die when they sting.

I tell everyone I see.

I know.

And everyone's a, oh, thanks, Eddie.

Thanks for the information, Eddie.

Oh, great, Eddie.

Yes.

Yeah, but no, you're wrong.

Dead ass wrong.

Fuck.

I'm right.

Good for you.

I'm glad.

Those little girls in France are dead.

No, they're not.

Everyone's out there finding it.

No, they all lived.

Yeah, they all got my girled.

Yeah.

And then that, but there was this one old lady who's real sick.

And I think it's because there was like five bees apparently jumped in her fucking pussy.

It was an old man, and they immediately resuscitated him.

Oh, okay.

He went down quick, but they brought him back.

Huh?

Huh?

He was wearing a flower costume.

Yeah, yeah.

And I was like,

he woke up screaming, the hornets, the hornets.

Like, sir, actually, it's beast.

He's beast.

Yeah, if you thought, stop being so racist for a second, you giving praise.

Sir,

please.

Sir.

Sir.

Respect the bees.

These are European, pervert bees.

European.

Whoa, it's cute.

Thank you.

Mo moneyless problems.

Mo money.

Whole bunch of problems.

Sometimes.

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All right, so something happened that I think should this is part of my foreign report.

Got it.

All right.

Egypt.

Okay.

Eddie, Eddie, really.

Innocent, innocent Egypt.

We know that Egypt, if anybody's been to Egypt, we know that it's innocent, not a complicated country at all.

Egypt has arrested a belly dancer because because

she's a belly dancer.

Now, this is this is where belly dancing was invented.

This is where it existed.

Now, this was her name again, Linda Martino.

Oh, my mother's name.

Linda Martino.

She's Italian?

She's half Italian.

She's half Egyptian, half Italian.

Now, Eddie, the way Eddie reacted to Linda Martino.

She's very nice.

She seems like a good woman.

Eddie was was very.

This woman is so hot, they put her in prison.

This is what he's saying.

This is what happened.

So she's a delay of Belly Dustin.

Belladancing.

This is the wild belly dance.

Come closer.

I want to shake your hand.

I want to shake your hand.

I love what you do.

Just the isolated stomach vibration.

My friend's mother's name is Linda.

she's newly single now what is it about

now what is it about her seductive tendencies what makes her different than the other ones well I think they were just she's too popular she's got 2.2 million yeah

and that's just Instagram all right and she's so they said that she's accused of violating public morals for

her art honestly if that ain't a fucking commercial Oh my gosh.

For your services, I have never heard one.

Come to America.

Yeah, she said that to me.

Come to fucking America.

I promise you, it is almost the same as Egypt now.

You're going to love it.

We have so much conservatism everywhere.

You're going to feel right at home.

Like you're just going to just roll in.

Oh, whoa, she really

can't quite jiggle, huh?

Yes, she's very talented.

I'm looking at it right now.

Yeah, she's very talented.

That's very good.

Please follow.

She does sort of like, you know, how

to bring it back to bees,

bees shake

to sort of communicate where honey is so to get and where Asian hornets are.

Yes.

I guess to racially profile them.

She does look like she has two beehives on her chest.

She does.

I look like I'm wearing her skirt

because she's really wiggling back and forth.

She's got quite the shape.

Yes.

Well, Cairo really got quite the shape here.

Cairo said they accused her of using seduction techniques and provocative dancing to incite vice.

Linda Martino, what do I have to do to get you to America?

What's the point of belly dancing?

What is the point of this?

We will bring you to America.

Please let me have you.

Oh, man.

We're going to give you to our politicians.

Yes.

We're going to give you up there, and then you're going to work for the people.

You're going to flip them from the inside out.

Yeah.

And you know what?

Honestly, her videos aren't that bad.

Well, she's just jiggling.

She's doing jelly dancing.

She's just belly dancing.

She's very talented.

She could shake very minutely.

She claims.

She does little miniature shakes that really are quite interesting.

Yeah.

Now I'm watching this.

Now I'm fully invested.

Yes, I followed.

I did follow.

Oh, Eddie.

Well, what do you think you're doing?

No, she's an artist.

I'm following artists.

You're allowed.

Belly dancing's allowed.

Oh, no, I know.

Don't tell me.

Everything is fine.

Belly dancing.

This is a quote from Linda herself.

Belly dancing is an art.

It cannot be a crime.

I am a dancer, and the videos on which the accusations are based are normal.

They show a dance performance.

Honestly, do not go against or violate her.

I am watching her fully clothed.

Yes.

And she is very essential.

She is

so hot that they had to put her in prison.

Whoa.

But yeah, she might be a handful, literally.

She might be a difficult lady, but you know what?

God bless her.

Yeah.

There is no reason to arrest her for belly dancing in Egypt.

No, that's the land of belly dancing.

If you can't belly dance in Egypt, then where are you going to do it?

I don't know.

Mar-a-Lago.

Because that's where she's going next.

Oh.

Yeah, she will very much be purchased by the U.S.

government if she allows it.

So, Linda, gotta love you.

She has, she's half Italian, and so the Italians are trying to save her.

You know, the Italians are like, oh,

no, no, no, you give her back.

Yeah, no, we get it.

She's

fully clothed.

Yes.

But still seems nude.

You know what?

She's just very beautiful.

She is very, like, that is the essence of the sensuality of belly dancing, but also the artistry.

And I celebrate her.

Leave Linda alone.

Leave Linda alone.

All right, so we got one more foreign report.

Leave Linda alone.

We all love her.

It's our little segment.

We're going to talk about a woman that makes us horny.

And then we're allowed.

That's Eddie's story.

And we're allowed.

It's our show.

It's Egypt's story.

So they fuck it up.

One last part of the forward report is: so the UK

between the gift man of Somerset, the standing man of that other place,

I forgot what it was.

Remember the guy that just stood in traffic?

Yes, that guy that said nothing and everyone didn't know what to do about him.

Man, he really, I kind of dig him.

I miss that guy.

I want to know where he is.

But there's a new

traffic.

Yes, yes, yes.

There is a new wriggling man in the UK that they don't like.

His name that they're going by is the Panther Man.

Panther Man.

Panther Man striking fear as he leaps from behind gravestones in Merseyside.

Now, for those of you that

you're in the UK, this is in the Wallasey Beach, Merseyside.

Now, I don't quite know where this is.

It's a beachside graveyard, which is actually pretty fucking cool.

Hell yeah.

And so this guy wearing a cat mask and a skin-side black suit.

Yeah, a whole cat suit.

Yes, so they show him he resembles a banshee.

An urban jaguar.

That's what someone called him.

That was one of them.

An urban jaguar.

You're too creative.

Yes, a dude in a skin-tight suit.

Yes, they're trying to hunt him or it down.

People are really, they don't like it because they think it's...

It's like for everyone's sightings, the Panther Man is harmless.

Although he does look scary.

I really don't think he's dangerous.

Just look at that.

And so what he does is that he hops out from behind graveyards, from gravestones, rolls around on the ground meowing wriggling and meowing and touching himself

Fully clothed literally toe to toe to toe but again in UK we've talked about this about the idea of someone putting their sort of sexuality on you they they view that as a form of sexual assault and so illuminated by torch he said one time a photo that she took of this lady

They saw they took a picture.

He's illuminated by torchlight.

Everyone in that nun seems to have seen him.

There are loads of posts as people are trying to hunt him or it down.

I don't know about more recent incidences, but there are people saying he jumped out from behind gravestones at Earlston Cemetery.

And he said, I didn't feel really scared.

He was just waving his arms and making panther noises.

I felt more confused than

scared.

Now, I went through a stage of doing this years ago, but now I've gone through it.

Don't ask me, meow.

That's what a couple of people were saying.

And so it's, but he's literally just going, meow, meow,

When you go to a graveyard at night, there's going to be weird things there if there's anything.

If there's anything there,

there's going to be weird people asking for it.

I'm not saying they're asking for it.

You say every time you go to a graveyard and there might be a fucking,

might be a panther man.

That's all I'm saying.

But the guy did was.

But I went to a bear den, and I got mad that there were bears inside.

That's different.

You're not going to a panther den.

You're not going to a panther graveyard.

You're in an occupied graveyard.

It is now.

Yes.

Yep.

Joshua Hunt, who was the Somerset gimp, he actually got, he was just not allowed to wear, like, his major, you know, his punishment is that he's banned for five years wearing masks or dressing in all-in-one black outfits at night or crawling, wriggling, writhing on the ground.

That is literally what he is.

That's the issue.

Do you think he's the Panther Man?

It's gotta be.

He's a suspect, in my opinion.

Well, I'm keeping him all.

I won't stand him on the street now.

I'm a bit of a panther.

Yeah, sure.

I'm a bit of a panther, which you want for me then.

All right.

That's it.

All right.

He's a bit of a panther, isn't it?

Right?

Because he just goes up there and he just goes,

I also feel like Panther Man is a big jump.

These guys are all saying Urban Jaguar and Panther and stuff like that.

He's a cat.

Yeah, not even.

That's a cat.

He's a dude in a skin-tight trash bag.

That's a guy.

Okay, he's a man-faced cat.

Yes.

That's a man-faced cat.

Get out of his graveyard.

He's a black cat.

Hang out.

He's in the graveyard.

He's hanging out.

He's where he's supposed to be.

He's friendly looking for belly rubs.

It's a two-way street.

You got to provide the belly rubs for them to happen.

Go visit your dead loved ones during the day.

Unless you're a Panther Man.

Then you visit them at night.

And if you're going to go to the graveyard at night, bring food.

Yeah.

Give it to the Panther Man.

He'll leave you alone.

Honestly, has anyone even brought a can of friskies?

Can anyone just try jerking him off once?

Yeah.

Just to end it.

Because the second you jerk him off, he gets to stop being Panther Man for the night.

And then you can be like, Thank you.

It has been, honestly, it has been a day.

Now I can go back to being a dog.

Roof, roof, roof, roof, roof, roof.

Bring me Dennis.

Bring me Dennis now.

Well, I'm really glad that I think our foreign report's better than theirs.

It is.

It is.

But I think it's more informative.

But go and check out the foreign reports here.

See if they hold a candle to what we do.

Yeah.

Because I really, I mean, aren't they?

They're full of shit, right?

I think that anybody, because, you know, this is the whole thing.

There's a lot of stuff going on in international politics, and I don't understand it.

And as far as I'm concerned, nobody does.

Yeah.

Because I don't.

And I'm the smartest guy I know.

Panther Man.

Pantherman.

No, go listen to the foreign report.

They know what they're talking about.

Yeah, see in the graveyard, folks.

We're all black.

If you could.

Let me.

All right.

So we got some.

Do we want to do some listener emails?

Yeah, one or two.

All right.

Let's go.

Just no jerk.

Let's try a new one.

Let's try a new listener email stinger.

Fuck yeah, it was a good stinger.

Who did that one?

Same guy, Chris Tapia.

Good work.

I like that one a lot more, I think.

Okay, that's good.

It's quick.

Can I hear it again, actually?

Sure.

Just an RP match.

Ew, I like it.

I only got one at funky.

Okay.

I only got one that's funky.

Send some funky ones.

Yeah.

Someone that's funky.

There we go.

Here you go.

Here's one.

Okay.

First of all, the email that I got back from about people working in the AI world,

I got to say,

I've never been correct,

right?

Never been right ever on this show.

I'm so used to not being right on this show that people, you know, I'm so used to getting yelled at.

I want to say it's the first time I've been collectively agreed with by multiple experts in a field.

Wow.

In a very, very long time.

Congratulations.

Literally, I got, I'm not even joking, 25 emails about people working within the AI world and in AI technology that all say the same exact thing.

It is literally going to do nothing.

It is almost all entirely hype.

And the main issue right now is that they are just trying to figure out how to replace workers entirely.

Which they could figure out how to, that's mostly they want to try to do.

But the problem is that the chat bots aren't even good enough yet to do the most basic form of job, except for sucking dick.

This is now that's the sound of you sucking your own dick.

I'm correct.

It's nice.

It's nice.

Just remember, there's no reason to be afraid of AI.

It's stupid.

All right.

So, what did people say?

That was just really it.

That's it?

They just mostly understand.

As a listener male, is I'm right.

Basically,

no, no, I got

a male.

I got a male.

Also, just understand one big thing about chatbots and OnlyFans.

I got several people from OnlyFans that say, just understand that 95 to 99% of the time that you believe that you're talking to a female or a living male human on an OnlyFans account, you are not.

So just remember that when they are just saying things you want to hear.

So this is the.

This is another email.

Okay.

We haven't gotten to one yet, just so people know.

Yep.

I summed them up.

I've thought about sending this email for a while.

And with the recent research of Annabelle and Robert and the Aether, I couldn't help myself any longer.

My dad lives about 30 minutes south of Salt Lake City.

Heyo.

Coming soon.

And claims to have the most haunted collection in Utah, possibly the entire country.

His words, not mine, but also maybe mine.

You did write it and put it in an email to us, so they are yours now.

Yeah.

A little context.

A little context.

My dad grew up LDS, but ditched the church the second he could, only to fall headfirst into the satanic panic, the Warrens, an enduring belief in Catholic exorcism and relics, despite hating the Catholic Church with the fiery rage of a thousand sons.

He thinks the institution is corrupt and ridiculous, but if something goes bump in the night, you better believe he's breaking out the holy water and crucifixes.

It's complicated.

Okay.

He's had a lifetime of weird encounters, UFOs, Ouija boards I won't leave, unexplained phenomena, you name it.

Strokes.

Yep.

But no, who knows?

Okay.

About 14 years ago, he started collecting dolls.

Uh-oh.

Most are from eBay.

A few came from antique stores, and the rest are mine and my sister's childhood friends, R.I.P.

Door, Peaceful Sleep.

Each one has a name, which they've allegedly shared with him, and he believes that each has its own spirit.

He's got a designated doll room through several, though, several dolls and other haunted objects are scattered around the house.

A few are even playing poker.

I've attached a short video of the room from last year, so you can see the setup.

It is fun.

Now, I know this could be chalked up to a lonely old man energy, but I grew up in that house and experienced plenty of unexplainable stuff long before the dolls moved in.

There's definitely a vibe when you walk through the door, and weird things still happen.

If you pause the video around four seconds, you'll see some tall candles bent at unnatural angles.

I've watched them slowly change shape over time.

It's probably hot in there.

They've never been lit, and they're still firmly in their holders, so make of that what you will.

It's no air conditioning.

That's very hot, though.

I would say that would be very hot.

He also has a problem child cabinet, a collection of objects he says won't play well with others, and he believes he's keeping their energy in check.

My sister and I roll our eyes, but we also secretly worry the the house might implode when he dies.

That's a problem child merch.

Yes, I do think it is.

That would be very frightening.

Anyway, he's a kooky funny guy who loves sharing his haunted treasures, and he has a great sense of humor about it all.

And since you'll be in the area soon, I figured I'd extend the invitation.

If you're up for it, he'd be thrilled to give you a tour.

Who knows?

I got time.

Yeah, we do have time.

I do.

So who knows?

I actually might reach out to you, but the video is interesting.

You do see it's a very haunted little room.

The crooked candles are there, but you just have to decide whether or not you believe in something like that.

And actually, I forgot to make this comment last week, and everyone's killing me.

So we are going to put out Beyond the Veil.

Oh, yeah.

Entirely uncut with our commentary.

The reason why we just haven't done it is that we did not know how we were going to release it.

And then when we decided we wanted to do the commentary on it, it landed in the middle of me producing, truly producing a massive project that I have yet to tell you guys about that is going to be released next month that I think everyone's going to be very excited for, but it's like happening right in the middle of me producing that thing.

Yeah, we're doing a bunch of other things too.

Yes.

So once that's done, which is about two weeks, we're going to record the commentary and then put it up.

So everyone's like,

because

we just haven't gotten to it yet.

It's about to get to it.

How much people want to see something they didn't like.

But also, I think it's funny that they immediately assume very intense, ornate conspiracy theories about why we didn't put it out when it's like everybody involved was absolutely fine, and everybody on our side actually had a great time.

I love that.

It's like one of those where it's like we all had a fantastic time.

Everybody was like, I understand that it was in that people just were like

obviously kind of driven crazy by it, but that's part of life.

You know, it is fun to watch strangers overanalyze your life constantly.

That's our lives.

Yeah.

But yeah, don't worry, it's coming out.

I got a, there was a list of emails emailed for me.

It's a short one.

I'd like to just, you know, if you don't mind.

Please.

Eddie asked if hospital jail counts as time served.

And while I don't have a straight answer, I once spent a couple months in county with a guy who tried to commit suicide by jumping off a five-story parking ramp.

He stepped off and shattered both legs.

He was drunk and on parole at the time.

So as soon as the hospital cleared him, they brought him to jail and put him in Gen Pop.

The poor guy had both of his legs in casts and just sadly wheeled himself around.

He did make good snack trades with his pain pills, though.

Oh, I bet.

No, that dude, oh, I didn't even get into how there's a full extended video of that dude falling and actually breaking his legs.

And he did steal a pair of sunglasses from Neiman Marcus, and what he was posting on.

I feel like are like the one thing we could still make fun of him for stealing.

Totally.

And he was just posting about how like they don't have the balls to come get me.

They don't have the balls to come get me.

And then the cops came and got him.

And because he was posting live.

And then

when he jumped and those spaghetti legs, man, that it's just still, I've been watching it just to crack myself up.

It's been, it was pretty intense.

So watch it.

Yeah, when you jump, apparently you're not supposed to, you can't have your knees locked.

You really shouldn't.

You can't have your knees locked, but you're jumping on ice, so you would have just cracked his tailbone if he did the knees a little.

I saw a lot of people put being like, that's how out of shape that man was.

That's how thin and spindly his little legs were.

And he literally could not do it.

So, oh, but I was still laughing about it.

Well, also, yeah, just so you know, there's a band on Spotify called The Velvet Sundown, which is fake.

Yes.

Fake AI.

Just so you know if you see that pop-up.

There's a couple other bands, too.

So live every day knowing for a fact that you might not know what's real or what's fake.

You're going to love the fact that the...

The evidence that the U.S.

government put out to prove that Epstein was not,

he was not murdered

actually is an extremely useful field of vision to create an AI cut or any form of editing.

It's actually one of the easiest types of frames.

As you can see, it's an entirely empty middle frame with some things right in the foreground that makes it really easy to cut and change whatever it is going on inside the map.

Maybe there's still a blip somehow.

You're going to love that.

You're going to laugh about the fact that it's just like, they're just telling you that there's a minute missing and they don't care because you think it's so easy.

You're going to laugh your ass off knowing for a fact that there's nobody in charge and you better just take care of your own crew as much as you possibly can.

Yep, that is the mantra these days.

Yep.

Oh yeah, it's real sad.

It's fucked.

But we'll get there.

We just got to take care of our friends and our communities.

Yes.

Reinvest in your local community.

Yeah.

Stay local and support local politicians too, because they grow up to be horrible people.

Yeah, that's their job.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So, yeah.

So know that start it there.

Someone's going to go find Mom Donnie, make him scared to fuck up.

I mean, I think he is scared already.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

They're coming for his ass.

Oh, yeah.

They came for him so much harder than Jeffrey Epstein.

I know.

And they came for him so much harder than anybody else.

They just, don't they realize that they're just making him more powerful and popular?

Yes.

But no, no, they don't.

They don't understand.

It's just so stupid.

Yes.

But it's also just, you know.

If you ignored him and just gave a bunch of money to Eric Adams, you'd probably win.

But you're too dumb.

But they just don't understand.

But we'll see.

We'll see.

We'll see how it goes.

So go to patreon.com/slash lastpodgest and left to watch us flap.

Go to lastpotguestleft.com.

Come and see us live.

Yes.

Our show.

Our show at Wise Guys in Salt Lake City sold out.

Woo!

Asheville, sold out.

Sold out.

Come and see Last Podcast and the Left Live, JK Ultra, at in Salt Lake City this Saturday.

That's right.

Yeah, we're going to be at the Sandy Amphitheater in Salt Lake City on July 12th.

It's going to be warm.

We're all going to be dressed appropriately.

Yeah.

We're going to get fucking sweaty.

And I can't wait to see you wet.

Yeah, it's going to be outside and it's going to be hot.

So come on with it.

I'm going to wear shorts on stage.

I'm going to do it.

Oh, yeah.

You're going to wear shorts on stage?

I'm going to wear shorts on stage.

Hey, that's the biggest rule break in the world.

I'm going to wear shorts on stage.

It's only shitty improv people do that.

Fuck yeah, dude.

I'm going to turn into that.

I am shitty improv.

I'm shitty and improv.

We learned that in Atlanta.

Well, honestly, you did very well.

Yeah.

Also, we got our North Carolina tour coming up.

Asheville is sold out, but come see Last Podcast on the Left Live at Charlotte at the Night Theater on August 8th or us at Durham in August 9th at the Carolina Theater.

We'll be there.

And then we got lots of shows coming up.

Our show in Kansas City for side stories, not sold out yet at the Truman.

That's going to be on September 21st.

Get tickets to that.

Tickets are now on sale, officially, finally on sale, October 24th, Redway, California.

We're coming back to the Matteel Community Center.

This is our first repeat.

I'm excited.

You and I.

I'm very excited.

I'm super excited.

And know more now of how to do that show.

So it'll be very, very fun.

And then also, of course, on November 30th, we'll be at the Columbus, Ohio, newport music hall so come and check us out that's going to be the sunday after thanksgiving and of course crimewave at c.com slash left to come see us on a rural caribbean cruise departing out of fort lauderdale november 3rd through november 7th wow we got more shit coming down the pipeline so keep your eyes peeled for what henry and i uh got going on uh the cincinnati stand-up show that i'm doing sold out as well that's amazing so thank you everyone who bought tickets to that i wish we could have fit more people in there but you know there's only a certain amount of people that can fit inside the ryan geist brewery hall we got travis irvine's gonna be there i love it i can't wait freed failer is gonna be there it's gonna be a lot of fun and then of course get tickets to uh dead men tell some tales out here in los angeles on august 21st uh 7 30 p.m at the elysion theater um that is my uh disney history show where i'm just gonna you know ruin it they're gonna ban me yeah so yeah good and i'm gonna i don't know why i've chosen to do this to myself but i have please come out yeah you're signing you're gonna cut yourself off from your own fucking supply, dude.

I know.

You got to be careful.

But I got a cast member real happy said they're going to sign me into Disney for free.

I'm very excited.

So it's immediately worth it.

Yep, good.

It's immediately.

That's all it matters.

That's all I wanted.

Oh, yeah, of course.

No, that's why we do anything.

Also, Michael Madsen died of a heart attack.

Good.

Just officially.

I mean, not good, but like, I'm glad it wasn't something worth it.

Cocaine, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, well, I mean, cocaine.

He was exacerbated by his alcoholism and his former drug uses.

Yeah.

But he was sober.

He was.

He was sober.

And I watched Hateful 8 the other night.

He's fucking awesome.

Yeah, he's a great movie.

He's just cool, dude.

I can't wait.

Great movie.

It's a great movie.

All right, guys.

Love all of you very much.

Hail Sweet Satan.

And hail Michael Madsen, even though I'm not sure if I should.

He's, you know, we're all complicated, but he's more complicated than some.

Hail him anyway.

Hail, sweet Satan.

Possibility means you have a chance.

Passion opens the door to all possibilities.

When I feel like anything's possible, I feel kind of giddy.

I want to be an astronaut.

Be an actress to visit another country.

All I need is a backpack and a pair of shoes, and I'll find a way.

That I'm able to do anything I set my mind to.

I've never felt like more things are possible than right now.

And the right shoes, anything's possible.

DSW, countless shoes at bragworthy prices.

Imagine the possibilities.

Hi, listeners.

Marcus Edd and Henry here with a little bit of an announcement.

You loving all the episodes of last podcast on the left lately?

Well, listen, now you can get even more from us.

Squeeze it out of us.

If you want to hear new episodes ad-free and unlock access to Last Podcast on the Left seven days early, subscribe to SiriusXM Podcast Plus on Apple Podcasts, or visit seriousxm.com/slash podcast plus to start your free trial today.

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