Side Stories: Mo Money Less Problems

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Speaker 1 There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast.
On the left.

Speaker 1 Side stories?

Speaker 2 That's when the cannibalism started.

Speaker 1 Side stories. Yes.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yes. Another beautiful day here in Radioland.
Yeah, yeah, nothing but laughter. Nothing but wall-to-wall yucks.
Is that right, Eddie? Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday.

Speaker 1 Hey! But when they get it, it's Wednesday. I'm the ham man! Oink, oink!

Speaker 1 We need a soundboard. Why don't we have a soundboard? We have one.
So many people have accused us of being one sound.

Speaker 1 We have one sound. What's our sound? This

Speaker 1 perfect moment.

Speaker 1 I'd end like for the audience.

Speaker 1 I just want the audience to just

Speaker 1 before we begin today.

Speaker 1 This pan flute's for you yes

Speaker 1 frying pan flute if you're putting some pork but unless of course you're trying to diet yes then just the flute what this sound will allow you to do is release the tensions from wondering if a flood's gonna sneak up on you now that there's no weather alerts anymore.

Speaker 1 Yes, it's so nice that this all happened right before hurricane season. I think it's good to allow this pan flutes to settle in while we wait for the truth about Jeffrey Epstein.

Speaker 1 Nothing, apparently. Scott Klein.

Speaker 1 Completely in. He's such a good guy.
And I just want to, just, just, you know what I do? I take. I'm in CBT right now, right? So we do this thing called Half-Smile Willing Hands.

Speaker 1 Has burger therapy? It's no, no, no, that's myself. That's my self-directed treatment plan.
But with half-smile, what you're supposed to do is think of the most upsetting thing you can think of.

Speaker 1 So right now what I'm thinking of is Trump making love to his daughter. Okay.
Well, that's not that upsetting. But I mean, it is.
And so what I'm doing is I'm. It's just facts and facts.

Speaker 1 The key here is just smile, half smile.

Speaker 1 Willing hands, open hands. And you immediately feel better about the image.
Ah, you know what I did when I was really upset about the flood in Texas yesterday? What?

Speaker 1 I just watched a bunch of Stevie Rayvon live.

Speaker 1 Saw him do Texas Flood 10 minutes.

Speaker 1 Man, that guy fucking rocks. I think that's inappropriate.

Speaker 1 I think it's inappropriate that you were listening. That's how I channeled my anger.

Speaker 1 You were listening to texas flood yes by stevie rayvon and i am i am thankful he didn't have to live to see this no no no i am thankful so welcome to side stories he would have preferred to be alive oh very much so i think that he'd been like i just got cleaned yeah mr blues man when's the last time you saw him fucking his noodle dude that dude fucking he had some stink face no he really did he was honestly probably the blackest white man that ever exists and he was allowed yeah and welcome to side stories my name is henry zabrowski i'm here with ed larson How you doing, everybody?

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 a lot of stuff's flying around, Eddie.

Speaker 1 Is there news? There's a lot of news. Is there news? There's more news that

Speaker 1 we can use.

Speaker 1 More news than we can use. Yep, yep, and nothing.
Fucking assholes. Not all of it's great.
So, number one, I believe the death toll in

Speaker 1 the Texas floods, these flash floods, has just rose to 101. Cracked 100.
I do believe that it wiped out a bunch of children on a Girl Scout mission, something like that.

Speaker 1 There were those two Mexican girls that saved a bunch of girls. Those two did

Speaker 1 good. They did good.
And another guy, I saw some other guy, he saved like 100 people, but it doesn't really matter.

Speaker 1 It's just one of these, it's really, really sad, and there's no way for us to make it. funny.
I watched a video of people looking at the, like, it would look about 40 adults filming the flood coming.

Speaker 1 Oh, very much so. And it wasn't until a child said, should we run, that they were all like, yeah, we should.
I do feel like it's sort of, that is a microcosm of the entire issue

Speaker 1 in which they're just, the adults are watching a big, massive thing come to kill everybody. And it's taking some of the kids, one or two of the kids, to be like, maybe we should not do that.

Speaker 1 You know, it's just very difficult, but our hearts go out to the people that are dealing with this. It's extremely fucking horrible.
I fucking love you, Texas, especially San Antonio. We do.

Speaker 1 Sorry, we can't can't send anything uh that's how it goes yeah what'd you send 50 bucks oh wow that's great to where to where i said i can't remember somewhere they've told me to do it and i did it we'll plug it we'll plug it towards it i'll plug it towards i'll look it up um other big news this week i just want to say thank i want to say big thank you a huge huge heartfelt thank you to the youtuber that runs the fbi and the blonde prostitute that is the attorney general that they have declared jeffrey epstein committed suicide.

Speaker 1 That's done.

Speaker 1 This case is closed and there is no way,

Speaker 1 no way he ever held any form of blackmail material on anybody that was extremely important to the U.S.

Speaker 1 government or technology or education or politics or within the intelligence community or within the Israeli intelligence community or within the English intelligence community or royalty.

Speaker 1 There's just absolutely no way. He did did nothing.
Nothing except for there is apparently quite a bit of child pornography that they are just

Speaker 1 digging their way through. Yeah.
And he committed suicide. So that's kind of, that's a type of murder.
Yes. You know, he did that.
They call that.

Speaker 1 They honestly, they say that suicidality is a direct connection to homicidal intentions. Oh.

Speaker 1 Because you're killing the whole world when you kill yourself. Wow.
And so it's actually very difficult.

Speaker 1 Convoy of Hope, by the way. I found it.
Oh, good. That's who I donated to.
This is not about Epstein. Not about Epstein.

Speaker 1 I'm going backwards, but I just wanted to say Convoy of Hope. So I just think it's...
But when you do it, do it in Jeffrey Epstein's name. Please.

Speaker 1 If anything, honestly, if we can get multiple receipts of you giving money to the Texas floods to Convoy of Hope in Jeffrey Epstein's name, I'm sending you a shirt.

Speaker 1 I'm going to send you a fucking shirt. I want to see it.
Because again, help, but make them confused.

Speaker 1 That's always the key. That's always the key.
Uh, but Jeffrey Epstein, it's you know, Donald Trump. Turns out he's a good guy, he's a good guy, he's a normal guy, you know.

Speaker 1 Well, except for you, did you see the pictures of him with like sucking on the ear of a child that was like sitting directly on his dick and balls on his little private chat? I missed that one, yeah.

Speaker 1 And there was also the one with him

Speaker 1 the text chain, yeah. I might have, I should have sent it, I should have said it.
I forgot to include you, that's with my other boys. Um, I,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 I didn't expect anything less.

Speaker 1 I didn't expect anything.

Speaker 1 The footage that they put out as a part of, so obviously Pam Biondi, she released this like scattershot section of documents in February of this year that had nothing that we hadn't seen before, except for some unredacted addresses of certain numbers inside of his little black book, but that led to nowhere.

Speaker 1 Then they said, the client list is on my desk. We're going to fucking go.
We're going to hunt everybody one by one.

Speaker 1 Then Elon Musk and Trump had their little stupid fake Kayfei breakup in front of everybody, where Musk said that Trump was on the list, and that's the reason why he's covering it up.

Speaker 1 And then he said, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. Can I still be a Nazi in America?

Speaker 1 And then they went, and he, uh, so they were like, We're gonna get to the very bottom of this, and then it seems it all just kind of went zip right all the way back up because they're saying Epstein had no client list, but we know he had a little black book.

Speaker 1 Yes, and I just think that maybe an international spy uh

Speaker 1 I'm gonna say a cross the globe child sexual abuse material producer

Speaker 1 a member of the intelligence community I'm just thinking he's not gonna write at the top of a list client list yeah Here's all the names and

Speaker 1 three girls to Clinton.

Speaker 1 I don't think it works like that. I think that he was a bit cleverer.

Speaker 1 I also think that maybe a lot of the really intense evidence is in the center of all of this CSAM, all this child sexual abuse material that is a bit icky for the FBI to go through. Yes.

Speaker 1 And this new guy, I mean, you know, get putting the work. See what he can find.
The only thing he's doing right now is like, I honestly think it's just him, RFK Jr.

Speaker 1 are hanging out with a bunch of Falconers, golfing on the weekends while Texas slides into the fucking crevices of the earth and while while every single criminal that has a touch to a camera is doing great.

Speaker 1 I just have to assume since Patel has access to all of the child pornography that he's just jerking off to it all day. You know, honestly, at some point he's like, get this away from me.

Speaker 1 I've had enough. You know, I'm empty.

Speaker 1 I can't come anymore.

Speaker 1 If I jerk off one more time to this child sexual abuse material, my wife's gonna talk to me.

Speaker 1 You know, that's not what they want to deal with. And we also saw this week that the Diddy verdict was disappointing.
Yes. He got, obviously, they had overcharged him on the Rico stuff, I guess.

Speaker 1 I honestly think it was just the jury did not fully understand what they were there to do.

Speaker 1 It seems that quite a bit, this is more conjecture, and it seems to be some kind of like, I was reading some commentary on it.

Speaker 1 So I don't know if this is true or not, but it actually seems that some of the freak off video material did the opposite of what they thought it was going to do. They just got everyone horny?

Speaker 1 I think that it, but the problem is that the jury maybe could not understand

Speaker 1 that on camera and in this scenario, everybody can look like they're having fun. Yes.
But the scenario around it is not.

Speaker 1 So that's the issue. As I think that

Speaker 1 we have a bit of a jury education problem. I do believe that's a part of what happened here.

Speaker 1 And they could not properly convince them that he was trafficking women around in some gigantic racketeering

Speaker 1 industry. Kind of weird how it happens the same week.
You know, Eddie?

Speaker 1 You know, Eddie? You wonder. You really fucking wonder because now Diddy's trying to get his, he's going to get his pardon from Trump.

Speaker 1 He was denied bail. He was denied bail because he's definitely going to run the second that he's out of there.
The second he's out of there.

Speaker 1 But he's also really thankful for the fact that he didn't get the racketeering charges. You can see as he fell to his knees in exaltation when they just gave him probably he might get 10 years.

Speaker 1 They sang five.

Speaker 1 I doubt he even gets that. Yeah, yeah,

Speaker 1 I think they're gonna, I think they're gonna slap his wrist and they're gonna let him go. I think because they don't want to deal with it anymore.
And I think that so do you think that it's you know

Speaker 1 Mo Money Less problems,

Speaker 1 Eddie?

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 I think that you, I think that you might just hit upon an esoteric universal truism. Yeah.

Speaker 1 More money, less problems. More money, less problems.
Yeah, because you really can get rid of a lot of problems with this amount of money.

Speaker 1 Because even with all the fines, even with everything levied against P. Diddy, you know what he's going to be worth after it? What? $400 million.

Speaker 1 Really? So he's fine. Yeah, no, it seems like he's got it all figured out.
He's fine. He's going to come.
He's going to make records in jail.

Speaker 1 They all gave him an outstanding ovation when he walked into jail. So it's like it's a whole right now as people,

Speaker 1 Eddie,

Speaker 1 do we need to be worse people? I'm excited for his new song. It's all about the Benjamin Netanyahu's.
Whoa, that is actually going to be very, it's very complicated.

Speaker 1 And I don't even know if we can keep it in the show.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I'm not even really certain what the joke is.

Speaker 1 I don't even really know, but I know. I don't know what the joke is.
But I know. You just know that it's upsetting.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 I was watching this thing. One of the funny things, you know, obviously I go in my one of my big boomer things, I listen to old Stern episodes.

Speaker 1 And one of the things was an old Eric, the actor, was a whackpacker that had a manager by the name of Johnny Frado.

Speaker 1 And he talked about how Johnny Frado said that his father was connected deep into the Jersey

Speaker 1 mafia. And he would do this thing whereas little kids, they'd always ask questions.

Speaker 1 He'd always say, like, if anybody asks you anything that happens in this house or anything, you don't know nothing, you didn't hear nothing.

Speaker 1 All right, and the way you're gonna know when I answer that, you're gonna feel it in your belly, right?

Speaker 1 And he said that they got in trouble as kids because of 9-11, when they sucked about 9-11, they asked me, no, it was JFK, they asked about who killed JFK, and he said that, like, it was right after he was assassinated.

Speaker 1 And so, the first thought in his head was like, the nun asked him, so who was the man who shot JFK? And his first answer was, I don't know nothing. I didn't see nothing.

Speaker 1 I didn't hear nothing. And he was just like, because I knew, I felt in my gut that it was that type of question.

Speaker 1 And so this is the, this is where we're at. I think that

Speaker 1 I personally, I believe in the end,

Speaker 1 I do, I am one of those that believe that Jeffrey Epstein did kill himself. I think he was given an opportunity to kill himself.
Yeah. They said, hey, Jeff, it's time to go.
And he said, no problem.

Speaker 1 Got it wrong. We'll do.
Yep. And I do believe he himself was genuinely upset about being in jail.

Speaker 1 The video that was released to prove it this time was this 10-hour long, something like that, video of the outside of Epstein's cell in this Manhattan correctional facility.

Speaker 1 And you see it, and they say this proves nobody walked in and killed Jeffrey Epstein. But then guess what they did? What? They released it, and there's a minute.
cut from it.

Speaker 1 It's a minute cut from it in the most, this is what you'd call, like, if this isn't a limited hangout, which is a CIA term for leaving a little bit of information enough out to say we acknowledge it, but then look, this is real.

Speaker 1 This cut from 1158 to midnight on the night that Epstein committed suicide is real. Oh, my God.
And then a reporter directly asked Trump today.

Speaker 1 in the White House about this missing minute and he goes off flips out about like, why are we talking still about Jeffrey Epstein? The most guilty man yelling.

Speaker 1 Because I don't even think that Trump's the most guilty when it comes to the connections of Jeffrey Epstein. No, of course not.
I think it's Clinton's way ahead of him.

Speaker 1 I think there's a guy that I think Trump was a fellow predator that was friends with a predator. Yes.
And

Speaker 1 they were co-predators in separate little lakes. And then eventually, when they're, when they, that's what they do, they butt heads.
I think they went to each other's lake a couple times.

Speaker 1 Oh, they fucked children together. Yes.
But they were, but he didn't buy those children from Epstein. He bought, he brought his own.
He had a BYOC. You think so?

Speaker 1 Yes, he brought his own children to the party. And then Jeffrey Epstein has his children at the party, and he's given them the Prince Andrew.

Speaker 1 Also, don't worry, the FBI completely exonerated Prince Andrew. Okay, good.
Thank God. So he's fine too.
Definitely didn't do anything. Yeah.
Definitely didn't do anything. It's just this,

Speaker 1 I don't know how to feel, Eddie. Well, I mean, what did you expect? Did you think that Trump was going to be like, you know what? I'm on the list.
We should arrest me.

Speaker 1 You know, did you think that's what he was going to do? No.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 You know what's funny is that I'm just even surprised. It's just.

Speaker 1 This is how I truly I think how bad the current administration is at being villains right now. Yeah.
Like how bad they are at being the villain.

Speaker 1 It's the fact that if you really wanted to make me shut the fuck up, you would have never mentioned it ever again.

Speaker 1 You would have buried it fully. You would have said it's classified.
Yeah. This is way worse of a move than the other one.
Just out of nowhere, expect

Speaker 1 nothing. Nothing.
But because you know what?

Speaker 1 It's also to keep us all talking about the fact, and it is true, we are here talking about Epstein and not talking about the fact that they gutted all these national institutions.

Speaker 1 That is going to make the weather way more difficult to predict. Oh, we did that on top.
Yeah, I know. I just said.

Speaker 1 That is the real. That's like one of the big things that they're also glossing over.
Where's Musk now? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, Musk is, he's still tweeting about the Epstein list and he's invoking Peanut the Squirrel. I saw him.
Yeah, he said that.

Speaker 1 You should glee Peanut the Squirrel's name out of your fucking mouth, you South African Nazi. That's right.
Fuck you. Get the fuck out of my country.
You're the one person I hope they deport. Okay.

Speaker 1 I hope they wrap your head in fucking duct tape and ship you to the worst place in the goddamn world. I'll see him getting a Tesla.

Speaker 1 I perform my German auto engineering.

Speaker 1 I love my German auto engineering. Okay, so today I promised that we would start intense and then we're going to get stupider as we go.
Yeah. So that I feel like we've done that.

Speaker 1 They're thinking we started intense.

Speaker 1 Can I do something kind of intense? Slightly stupid? Michael Madsen died. But the thing about slightly stupid.

Speaker 1 You know what's funny about Michael Madsen is that I've never heard a single nice thing said about the man himself. I don't know if I've heard bad things either.

Speaker 1 I don't think, I just, it's much as like, I just know he's rotten. Michael Madsen is one of those complicated faves.

Speaker 1 I watched a interview because whenever someone dies, Letterman puts out an interview with him. Oh, shit.
Like just like what he does on YouTube. Like, and he's, Letterman's quick.

Speaker 1 His can't, like, if they're dead, like, I'm talking 20 minutes. Letterman's like, here's my interview.

Speaker 1 You know, so, but then I, so I watched the Michael Madsen one last night, and he's just talking about how in Reservoir Dogs, the cop who was in the trunk, he wanted to, like, get ready for his scene.

Speaker 1 And then, so he told Madsen to put him in the trunk and drive around the block. But Madsen took him for a ride for 45 minutes and like banged up his head and shit.
And like, really hurt him. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It sounds like he said he wanted to get prepared for the scene.
You know what I mean? And then you let Mr. Pink, if you're going to let, what what was the name? He was Mr.

Speaker 1 Mr.

Speaker 1 He wasn't Mr. Pink.
No, he wasn't Mr. Pink.
He was Mr. Blonde.

Speaker 1 So if you're going to fucking let him go, you want to get method with Michael Madsen. He might fuck you up.
He did have some issues. He did some charity work quite a bit for the Shriners.

Speaker 1 But he did have some legal issues. He definitely was accused of battering on his wife.
And he definitely had some misdemeanor trespassing charges. And earlier,

Speaker 1 actually, pretty recently. Oh, recently? Yep.
Oh, yeah. Oh, his son committed suicide, which is very sad.
That's not, yeah, that's not a black mark on him, I guess.

Speaker 1 No, it's very sad, but it didn't help with their marriage. No, it certainly did not help.
But he's been doing it. Otherwise, he was a freed Willie.
He did.

Speaker 1 And he was great in Cin City, and he will be missed. I think, as far as like bad dudes

Speaker 1 who also play bad dudes in movies, he was one of the best at it. Same thing if you'll tell me.
Tom Sizemore. Tim and Tom Sizemore were constantly.
God, you know, they had fun together.

Speaker 1 Oh, I don't even. But you know what? You say fun.
They had fun. They had fun.
Everybody else was frightened. Yeah.
But at least they were having fun. What do you think?

Speaker 1 Do you think Chris Penn seemed like he was probably nice, though? No, no, no. I'm going to say Chris Penn might have been nice.

Speaker 1 I think that if you were serving him food or you were sitting on his lap and you had a big ass big tits, he might really like you.

Speaker 1 I know his brother is Sean Penn, who doesn't have the best of the reputation. Not a good reputation.
No. But maybe Chris Penn died early enough.
Whoa, I didn't know that they were in a movie together.

Speaker 1 Tom Sizemore and Michael Madsen were in a movie called Buckle Up, a six-part series.

Speaker 1 Okay, what was that from? It's 2023. They had to have been in a couple of things together.
That's called a divorce project. Are they? Do you think they were?

Speaker 1 They had to have been in a bunch of movies together. I

Speaker 1 now that I'm thinking about it, it's all like connected in a weird way, but they're not in the same ones.

Speaker 1 Because Michael Matson, Tom Sizemore, was he in any other Tom Sizemore was in True Romance and Natural Born Killers, playing the character of Jack Skagnetti, who they reference in Reservoir Dogs as his parole officer.

Speaker 1 That's fascinating. But if he's not actually in the Tarantino-directed films, that's a real, wow,

Speaker 1 that's my little movie nerd brain thing. Really good work.
Tom Sizemore also lost. Wow, yeah, a lot of problems.
A lot of problems. Tom Seismore had quite a lot of people.

Speaker 1 He was a bad man. Tom Sizemore had a bigger career and bigger criminal career.
He had both. Yeah.
He technically had more movies under his belt than I was.

Speaker 1 I'm pretty sure Tom Sizemore died in every movie he was in. As he should have.
At least, you know, Michael Madsen was in Free Willie and and he got to live then. Dude, you know what was the whale?

Speaker 1 You know, ended up dying. You know, it just came on Criterion, which is great.
Strange Days. Oh, I was hoping you were going to say Free Willie 2.

Speaker 1 I just watched Strange Street. Free Willie 2.
Free Willie 2 straight to the can.

Speaker 1 No, I just watched Strange Days. Great.
It's a great movie. Krassin Bigelow.
Fucking awesome. Super, super fucking.
I love that movie. Life of North Blade.

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Speaker 1 Also, big stupid news, big important thing to remind you guys, they try to take him away from us. Woo!

Speaker 1 Boy's back!

Speaker 1 They tried to.

Speaker 1 These mother fucking idiots. These fucking pieces of fucking shit gatekeepers tried to keep our boy Joey Chestnut from having competing

Speaker 1 advertising deals with other competitive eating competitions.

Speaker 1 God forbid he'd eat a vegetable. God fucking forbid.
So Joey Chestnut, he walked away from the July 4th hot dog eating competition, Nathan's famous dogs in Coney Island last year. And guess what?

Speaker 1 It fucking suffered for it. Yeah, nobody gave a shit.
Nobody gave a shit. You gave a fucking shit, you idiot, stupid ass hot dog assholes.
And say, welcome, Joey Chesta. Back, back.

Speaker 1 And immediately took the title back just as he was supposed to. That's my fucking boy.
70 dogs, man. 70 and I think it's a half.
70 and a half. Don't fucking take that from him.

Speaker 1 I won't take that from him. Yeah, that's big numbers.
Yes. For a big boy.
Oh, yeah. God, he really is.

Speaker 1 Like, honestly, when you look at just straight statistics, maybe the greatest champion in sports history. Better than Wayne Gretzky.
Yeah. He's better than anybody else on the stupid fucking Canadian.

Speaker 1 Oh, you missed that. Fucking Canadian.
You spilt on your jerky boy shirt. Yeah, no, I got coffee on my shirt.
Oh, God. I'm all covered in it.
I missed my mouth. But yeah, he's doing good.

Speaker 1 And so, you know, again, this goes to our third year in the row of asking Joey Chestnut to be on the show. Please, Joey.
We tried to email him at Joey Chestnut at gmail.

Speaker 1 We tried to email him at Joey Hot Dogs at Gmail.

Speaker 1 Please get in touch because I want to know. I want to talk about,

Speaker 1 I want to have a leisurely meal. Leisurely.
With Joey Chestnut. But I want it to last hours.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Maybe a buffet. Let's go to OpenShift.

Speaker 1 You know what we should go to Vegas Mozza? Mozah. Mozah.
We should go to Moza. Oh, you think Joey likes Moza? I hope he likes mozzarella.

Speaker 1 I love mozza.

Speaker 1 How do you think he would do at the Vegas Seafood Buffet? Oh, he'd tear it up. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He wouldn't even shell those crabs.

Speaker 1 Crack them with his teeth. All right, so now it's time.
Because we were talking about the holiday, I know are we so proud to be mercant because at least I know I know where my laws are written. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And so what I am going to do is I know where I pee, I think it is. Sure.
Yes, I do. And it's in my pants.

Speaker 1 So we want to talk about some of the fun ass. This is just the truth.
We got a good breakdown of all the people who died on July 4th. I mean, lots of things happened on July 4th.
Lots of people died.

Speaker 1 But I think before we really get into all the deaths, I think we need to acknowledge New York. Oh, God, New York City.
New York.

Speaker 1 Congratulations. You guys did it.
I'm so proud of you. Not one person was killed or shot on July 4th in New York City.
Until one of the funniest. I mean, what happened?

Speaker 1 One of this is extremely, this is extremely funny. So the NYPD was so happy.
So So this was

Speaker 1 10 a.m. It was like on Friday morning, right? That morning.

Speaker 1 The NYPD so happy. Zero shootings or murders in New York City on July 4th.
The last time in recorded history that happened was never. Like that was the tweet, right, that they put out.

Speaker 1 However, hours later, the NYPD had to confirm that. Update, a man was dropped off at Brookdale Hospital by private means at 1.30 a.m.
on July 5th. He was pronounced dead this morning.

Speaker 1 NYPD detectives just determined he was shot at 11.45 on July 4th. Fuck!

Speaker 1 Fucking shit! That's what you get. God damn it.
Almost.

Speaker 1 Don't celebrate until you're on the podium. That's how that goes.
Don't you, you cannot, this is an example.

Speaker 1 This is a lesson. You don't celebrate.

Speaker 1 You know how many times they used to show those on the ESPN, the highlights of like the guys celebrating before they won?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, Leon Lett, you know, trying to take the ball all the way, and then he gets, and Don BB comes and knocks the ball out of his hand. Just don't do it.
You got to secure the fucking W.

Speaker 1 That's right. That is the only way to.
So you make sure no matter what.

Speaker 1 Also, when you're watching horror movies and stuff like that, when I'm watching people handle like, you know, criminals and stuff like that,

Speaker 1 beat them to death.

Speaker 1 Yeah. If you got it.
Shoot them in the head and then monologue. If you're beating them, right, and they've tried to kill you, okay?

Speaker 1 And this is for anybody who's inside of a horror movie right now or is defending themselves while listening to the show, you fucking just kill them. Okay? You need to complete the job.

Speaker 1 Because if not, they come back.

Speaker 1 Murder, death, kill, man. Every time.
Yeah, I'm watching these movies. Everyone's always fucking monologuing.
Always.

Speaker 1 No. Murder.
Kill him. Talk to his dead body.
Kill him. Kill him.
Call his wife. Monologue at her.
Absolutely. Do it on GoFu Live.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 On Instagram, Facebook. There's so many ways you could still monologue.
Always. Yes.

Speaker 1 I'm an expert.

Speaker 1 So just know that. Kill first, then monologue.
Yeah, so yeah. So the cops, they fucked this up.
NYPD, a little short. Little short.
Little short. Honestly, we're calling them on it.

Speaker 1 I do remember one year, it was like New Year's Day, and then like a top headline in New York Post, no one murdered in Times Square last year. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And it's just like an eight-block radius. Yep.

Speaker 1 But it wouldn't be New York if it wasn't dangerous, so it has to stay that way. Yeah, see.
So sorry, guys. Yeah.
That's what is happening to you. You know, there's so many millions of people.

Speaker 1 I can't believe just one person was murdered. No, it's a big deal.
How about that? It's still a big deal. I still think it's a great accomplishment.
It's a great stat.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because, I mean, it's what? There's eight to nine million people that live in New York. And any given day, there's what? How many tourists?

Speaker 1 Another two million. And then you got Bridge and Tunnel coming in.
That's another 2, 3 million. Straight up.
So we're talking like 15 million people. Only one person got murdered.

Speaker 1 That is good numbers. But Eddie, we didn't set the parameter.
If they would have came out and said just one person murdered, I would have been proud of them.

Speaker 1 I would have been like, good job, guys. But because they said no and they were wrong, now they're fucking idiots.
Yeah, you fuck you.

Speaker 1 You were wrong. And that's stupid to do.
Because guess what? Guess what? Close only counts in grenades and horseshoes, buddy. That's right.

Speaker 1 Because that doesn't, yeah, it's still somebody fucking died. All right, and it's just because we love to celebrate the way that we celebrate.

Speaker 1 And Ventura County, because California, one person died on a July 3rd house fire after a fireworks exploded in the garage. Okay, yeah.
That does happen.

Speaker 1 An eight-year-old girl was killed in an explosion during a large illegal fireworks display. Yes.
That was in Orange County, of course.

Speaker 1 That's just California. Massachusetts, we got...

Speaker 1 But even that is more sad and tragic versus this moron in Sussex County and Delaware. Okay.
A man allegedly aimed numerous fireworks at people in the 100 block of Garfield Parkway.

Speaker 1 He aimed a mortar-style firework at a large group of people on a beach.

Speaker 1 Everyone just got burnt. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they lost one of them guys.

Speaker 1 And then we got Florida had one. You know,

Speaker 1 don't sleep on them. Nassau County.
Oh, yeah. Isn't that your people? No.
Nassau?

Speaker 1 Your Hillsboro. Your Hillsborough.
Pinellas. Pinellas? Oh, yeah.
So in Nassau County, several people suffered minor injuries. They're not that bad.
And a large gangway collapsed. So that's cool.

Speaker 1 That happened at the Fernanda Breach Harbor Marina. Yeah, dude.
You got to be careful. You got to keep your head in a swivel just because all the idiots that are there don't be one.

Speaker 1 Man, I remember when I watched, I was on acid at the beach in Deerfield, and I watched the pier explode on the 4th of July. That shit was fine.

Speaker 1 I fucking sparked up a blunt and just watched that shit fucking go. It's fucked up, buddy.
It was fucked up, but you know what? Sound like one of the chokers hitmen.

Speaker 1 I was 17. I probably would have applied for the job.
Oh, yeah, you're gonna let me get in there. Let me fucking kill.
I want to set one of them on fire.

Speaker 1 A man was seriously injured after being hit in the face by a firework. Yeah.
This was in Illinois. There was another one where a guy who died by the fire.
Oh, that was a crystal lake. Oh,

Speaker 1 no.

Speaker 1 Apparently, Jason's getting a maze at Halloween horror nights this year.

Speaker 1 Can you talk to those people? Can they tell us? Can they let us go for free? I've wanted to. I know the, you know, what's funny is that I know so many haunt actors.
Yeah. They don't have any clout.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the actors, they don't care about them at all. No.
They can't even, I mean, honestly, I don't even think those guys can connect us to their dealers. No.

Speaker 1 No, no, no. I'd still have to get a second recommendation for their Coke dealers.
Yes. But I will say,

Speaker 1 the scare actors I know are great, but they really can't seem to hook it up. We love you, Hollywood Horror Knights.
Universal. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 I would go there every night. Yeah, if I could.
Oh, I'd be outside. I'd work there.
Oh, my God. I really am mad that I missed my scare actor-like opportunity in life.

Speaker 1 You would have not, it's very difficult, Eddie. I think I would have enjoyed it.
You would have for a while, as a younger man. Yeah, you would have.
No, that's what I'm saying. I missed it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 In my 20s. Yeah.
In your 20s, yeah. That's the way.
Because you'd have to have the energy to do it

Speaker 1 over and over and over and over again and the screaming and yelling. You know, it's like, you know, back in my 20s, you could scare somebody, you know, every two minutes and it don't get old.
No, no.

Speaker 1 I could do that for two, three months. I mean, I technically, I still could.
Yeah. But I'd get tired now.
I get no physically tired. Yes.
I can't. I don't think I could physically do it anymore.

Speaker 1 But I love scaring people. Yes.
If I can, I will. I would.
I'd scare more. I wish I could.
I'd scare people in my neighborhood all year.

Speaker 1 Nothing would make me happier than creating jump scares all year long, and people just need to stop getting their head on a goddamn swivel. Good news.
I think you do.

Speaker 1 I think you scare some people.

Speaker 1 All those satanic books you're putting in those little private libraries. It's to educate.
Yeah. Also, they like, they should be so lucky.
Some of them are rare. Yeah.
I just put stuff in there.

Speaker 1 Well, I did. Did I tell you that I did put a bunch of Henry Miller in one? Oh, really? Yeah, you remember? Oh, I was just joking.
You really did this? You know, Tropical Cancer? You know the book? No.

Speaker 1 Where it's all like... The angel fishes of a man, the most delectable flowers that one can see.
The blossomings of Goneria on his thin drifter hide. I knew the translucent gel of

Speaker 1 his spittle on my shaven cock. Like, it's all stuff like that.
But I think it's important.

Speaker 1 You know who it is. If you know it, like, anybody, I now watch to see who takes the Henry Miller.

Speaker 1 Henry Miller's, he's in like libraries and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's, you know, he seems like an all right guy.

Speaker 1 In Indiana, in Monroe County, a man died while lighting fireworks in Steinsville, northwest Bloomington. The man apparently tried to light light a large fireworks motor while holding it over his head.

Speaker 1 An Indiana move, 23-year-old man. Yes.
That's very, very sad, but it's also appropriate. And also, I think that's how a 23-year-old would like to die.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 In many ways, I know that none of them really

Speaker 1 don't get a sense of like wanting to live or die. I think until like 30.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So I think that once you get there, like I think 23, if you told your ghost you died by blowing up your head with a fucking firework mortar, he's going to be like, awesome. Yeah, fuck you, man.

Speaker 1 Of course, I did. Remember when the guy who played Gaston.
Did Theo Vaughn see it?

Speaker 1 Fuck yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, Group's man. Fuck you.
They're going to

Speaker 1 put it on the fucking Theo Vaughn, man.

Speaker 1 That's what he needs.

Speaker 1 Do you remember when the guy who played Gaston at MGM Studios put the mortar on his, on top of his head, and then lit it, and then it backfired and blew up his brains in front of all the other Disney cast members at their 4th of July party?

Speaker 1 Hey, you got to be careful.

Speaker 1 Got to be able to be careful. That's the thing.
You got to remember, you're not Gaston. You're not.
You are not. You are just a dude.
You're just a man in a flammable outfit. Because that's the thing.

Speaker 1 You're in a very, very flammable outfit. Also, Gaston's French.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so. But no, yay, French,

Speaker 1 the French, used to be super tough. They used to be.
They killed all their leaders at one time. That is cool.
Yeah, back in the day. You know what? I take it back, France.
Yeah, they're fine.

Speaker 1 They protest all all day. They really

Speaker 1 protest hard. Yeah, they're just fun to make fun of.
Of course, that's the idea. That's what they exist.

Speaker 1 This is the tete-a-tete we all have.

Speaker 1 This is what we're allowed. They have like more civil liberties, but it's stinkier there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we can make fun of them.
Yeah, and they're rude. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, they're super rude. Yeah.
Yeah, they're super mean. That's real.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
So that's fine, though.

Speaker 1 But again, it's because they are very, they do, they take their culture very seriously. Yeah.

Speaker 1 They take it very, very seriously and we don't because we shouldn't no because guess who out other cultures we don't take seriously halloween horror nights any other culture that exists yes because i just don't yes yes yes i don't i don't accept your lifestyle ever to anyone that's to all people you know whose lifestyle i i do accept who um massachusetts in uh barnstable county uh during a setup for an annual fireworks show eight people suffered injuries

Speaker 1 yeah but that was on july 2nd yeah it doesn't fucking

Speaker 1 really count. Yeah, people going too forcing people.
But they all live, you know? People like, I still feel like July 4th doesn't need to be a whole weekend.

Speaker 1 I think it's one of those. It could just be one day.
Yeah. Unless you got it on like, it's nice to have the days off.
Well, it was on a Friday this year. I know, it's nice to have the days off.

Speaker 1 And so you start on Thursday. Yeah, if you're

Speaker 1 all through to Monday. Yeah.
You know, so it's like only us suckers in the entertainment industry. We got to get back to work, Eddie.
You know how hard it is.

Speaker 1 You know how hard it is, especially when there's news happening all over the globe. Yeah.
And that's why we're introducing our brand new segment here on Side Stories.

Speaker 1 It's called, I don't know if you've ever heard of this. Oh, okay.
It's called The Foreign Report.

Speaker 1 And what we're doing here is, it's just this show. It's for today.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Go listen to the other foreign report, the real one where they talk very educatedly about very intense topics. But today's foreign report is about crimes from other countries.

Speaker 1 because we just wanted to call it this. Yeah, yeah, foreign report.
It's our foreign report. Yes, it is.

Speaker 1 Yeah, this is what we care about that's happening around the news bees attack french town that's what happened so you shouldn't have been rude you got to be careful

Speaker 1 don't be rude to the bees in orillot france an unusual attack by bees the french town of orillot has left 24 people injured 24 three that are in critical condition they say that it was they think it was because a like a wall like a wasp nest attacked the bees attacked the bees they said that they've Asian, of course, racism.

Speaker 1 Whoa. Because French does have a little bit of a little touch of it, right? So they said the mayor of Eau de la France, what this person firstly did was that they obviously had a very big moustache.

Speaker 1 And they have the one little, you know, the little eyeglass. And they have a big floppy beret.
And they came out and they say, we do believe it is the Asian hornets.

Speaker 1 Because they hit the Asian hornets. Yeah.
Because they don't say just hornets. And how do you know the difference?

Speaker 1 I mean, you got to call a scientist. Yeah, I mean, I don't know.
They're being racist?

Speaker 1 Maybe. Well, let me look at.
All right. Here's Asian hornets.
I'm looking them up. Asian giant hornets.
Huge. That's a big old fuck.
That's a fucking you could eat that. Big ass hornet.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You could cut that into little sleeves. You could cut that into the slices.
Man, hornets get fucked up. All right.
So that's an Asian hornet. Yeah, that's a hornet.

Speaker 1 And now I'm looking up an American goddamn hornet. Yeah, so what's a normal exactly the same? They're exactly the same.

Speaker 1 What about the murder hornets? Remember those guys? Remember when we cared about that? Same shit. Just littler.

Speaker 1 Our hornets are a little smaller. So why are ours called hornets and those are called Asian hornets? Well, over there, they're American hornets.

Speaker 1 What? In Asia, they call them American hornets. Do they? Probably not.
It's like American cheese and Swiss cheese. Yeah, one of those.
Well, American cheese is just chemicals. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And French fries are Belgian. Whoa, what the fuck?

Speaker 1 You're fucking kidding me. And so this is a perfect example of they have no, obviously there's no military.
There's nothing going on in France.

Speaker 1 And so they got nothing against the bees, and so the bees just they had to wait. Think about that.
That's also what I think is amazing. I think that would also happen here.

Speaker 1 We heard of the police, there was that one beekeeper who got pulled over and he released his bees on the police. Yes, bees are truly the weapon of the proletariat.
Well, we got to be careful.

Speaker 1 We can't be using these bees as weapons. We need the bees, but these bees are fine.
If you weaponize the bees, they got nothing like it's the Tommy Boy thing. No, is that Tommy Boy? Tommy Boy, yeah.

Speaker 1 They're thousands of bees, your weapons are over.

Speaker 1 bees are our way of beating the government.

Speaker 1 If we harness the power of bees,

Speaker 1 they can't do anything to stop us, bro. Yeah.
Well, we don't need bees. I need bees.
C's get degrees.

Speaker 1 Seas can't sting.

Speaker 1 You just got to get out there. You could drown people in seas.
I would love to drown someone. I know.

Speaker 1 Fucking

Speaker 1 bucketless. Yes, but

Speaker 1 that's drowning someone in a bucket. Yes.

Speaker 1 Oh, we got a hornet thing up here. All right.
So we got

Speaker 1 a hornet. European hornets.
Oh, they're very different. European hornets actually bigger than the Asian hornets.
So why are they blaming the Asian hornets? Why are they so hornets?

Speaker 1 Because the Asian ones are the ones that attacked the European Hornets. They're like, hey, they're smoking cigarettes, having a good time.
Yeah, they're like, no, I do not care. I mostly

Speaker 1 have a purchase on a bottle of wine and I watch a child get married. One of my favorite things to do.

Speaker 1 And yeah, I mean, France, they're just trying to throw fucking sauce at it. Yeah.
And there's nothing they can do because the sauce just brings more bees. Creams.
That's the thing, man.

Speaker 1 Bees just keep every weapon that they're throwing at them, a consomme, bees. A fucking ice of blanched duck bees.
Like, this is there's nothing they can do to stop the bees.

Speaker 1 Man. Except wait 30 minutes.

Speaker 1 They will go away. They did.

Speaker 1 We had to wait for 30 minutes for the bees to stop. Well, because the bee can only sting you once and it dies.
Sometimes. What do you mean, sometimes? I don't think it happens every time.

Speaker 1 They lose half their ass. I do.
I might be wrong. Side stories help P-O-T-L or cheat.com, but I believe that sometimes they do like a half little like a.
They're suicide bombers.

Speaker 1 You know when you just put the tip in? Yeah. For fun? Yeah.
I think beefs do that too. You think so? I think they just go like,

Speaker 1 I don't think they can. I think they lose the tip.
But I don't think they always lose the tip. I think if they go balls deep, if they go abdomen deep.
No. Yeah, not all bees die after they sting.

Speaker 1 It's according to Google AI. And we know that.
And if there's one thing we learned about AI this week and last week, it's super reliable.

Speaker 1 And it's definitely not an overblown text machine that is just hyped up by commercials. Yeah, but I, what am I going to do? Read the whole article? We're in the middle of a show.
I know, exactly.

Speaker 1 I don't have time to be. Also, again, I'm on the toilet.
I'm playing my fruit game. Yeah.
I don't have time to read every word of every article. This one's not AI.
This is straight from

Speaker 1 AI. It's from a bee wrote this.
A bee wrote this. Our beloved and deadly honeybees, they do not die when they sting.

Speaker 1 It is very trump-coated. Our beloved, deadly, beautiful honeybees.
Absolutely, and they do not all die. 99.96% of bees.
Why do we talk about it? Because it was one factoid one time.

Speaker 1 Why do we talk about it? I'm sick of this shit. Just because it's what happened.
My whole life. I'm like, bees die when when they sting.
I tell everyone I see.

Speaker 1 I know, and everyone's like, oh, thanks, Eddie. Thanks for the information, Eddie.
Oh, great, Eddie. Yes.
Yeah, but no, you're wrong. Dead ass wrong.
Fuck. I'm right.
Good for you. I'm glad.

Speaker 1 Those little girls in France are dead. No, they're not.
Everyone's out there finding it. Oh, they all lived.
Yeah, they all got my girled. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then that, but there was this one old lady who's real sick.

Speaker 1 And I think it's because there was like five bees apparently jumped in her fucking pussy. It was an old man, and they immediately resuscitated him.
Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 He went down quick, but they brought him back. Oh, that's the one.
Huh? Huh? He was wearing a flower costume. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And he woke up here, and he woke up screaming, the hornets, the hornets. Like, sir, actually, it's beast.
He's beast. If you thought, stop being so racist for a second, you've given praise.

Speaker 1 You should hornets, sir. Sir.
Please, sir.

Speaker 1 Sir, respect the bees. These are European pervert bees.
European. Whoa, it's cute.
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Speaker 1 All right, so something happened that I think should, this is part of my foreign report. Got it.
All right.

Speaker 1 Egypt, okay. Eddie, Eddie, really.
Innocent to this story. Innocent, innocent Egypt.

Speaker 1 We know that Egypt, if anybody's been to Egypt, we know that it's innocent, not a complicated country at all. Egypt has arrested a belly dancer because

Speaker 1 she's a belly dancer. No, this is.
This is where belly dancing was invented.

Speaker 1 This is where it existed. Now,

Speaker 1 what's your name again? Linda Martino. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Linda Martino. She's Italian?

Speaker 1 She's half Italian. She's half Egyptian, half Italian.
Now, Eddie, the way Eddie reacted to Linda Martino.

Speaker 1 She's very nice. She seems like a good woman.
Eddie was very.

Speaker 1 This woman is so hot, they put her in prison. This is what he's saying.

Speaker 1 This is what happened. So she's a delay to belly dusting.
Bella dancing.

Speaker 1 This is a delay

Speaker 1 dance.

Speaker 1 Come closer. I want to shake your hand.

Speaker 1 I want to shake your hand.

Speaker 1 I love what you do. Just the isolated stomach vibration.
My friend's mother's name is Linda.

Speaker 1 She's newly single. Now, what is it about

Speaker 1 her seductive tendencies? What makes her different than the other ones? Well, I think they were just she's too popular, she's got 2.2 million, yeah.

Speaker 1 And that's just Instagram. All right, and she's so they said that she's accused of violating public morals for

Speaker 1 her art. Honestly, if that ain't a fucking commercial

Speaker 1 for your services, I have never heard one. Come to America.
Yeah, she said that. She was a fucking America.
I promise you, it is almost the same as Egypt now. You're going to love it.

Speaker 1 We have so much conservatism everywhere. You're going to feel right at home.
Like you're just going to just roll in. Oh, whoa.
Come to Australia. Whoa, she really can't quite jiggle, huh?

Speaker 1 Yes, she's very talented. I'm looking at her right now.
Yeah, she's very talented. That's very good.
Please follow. Yeah.

Speaker 1 She does sort of like, you you know how to bring it back to bees uh-huh bees shake to come to sort of communicate where honey is so where asian hornets are yes i guess to to racially profile them but this she does look like she has two beehives on her chest she does see

Speaker 1 i look like i'm wearing her skirt because she's really wiggling back and forth she's got quite the shape yes well cairo Really got quite the shape you wear.

Speaker 1 Cairo said they accused her of using seduction techniques and provocative dancing to incite vice. Linda Martino, what do I have to do to get you to America?

Speaker 1 What's the point of belly dancing? What is the point of this? We will bring you to America. Please let me have you.
Oh, man. We're going to give you to our politicians.
Yes.

Speaker 1 We're going to give you up there and then you're going to work for the people.

Speaker 1 You're going to flip them from the inside out. Yeah.
And you know what? Honestly, her videos aren't that bad. Well, she's just jiggling.
She's doing belly dance. She's just belly dancing.

Speaker 1 She's very talented. She could shake very minutely.
She claims she does little miniature shakes that really are quite interesting. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Now I'm watching this. Now I'm fully invested.
Yes, I followed. I did follow.
Oh, Eddie. Well, what do you mean?

Speaker 1 No, she's an artist.

Speaker 1 You're following artists.

Speaker 1 You're allowed. Belly dancing's allowed.
Oh, no, I know. No, tell me.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I know.
I know. Everything is fine.
Belly dancing. This is a quote from Linda herself.
Belly dancing is an art. It cannot be a crime.

Speaker 1 I am a dancer, and the videos on which the accusations are based are normal. They show a dance performance.
Honestly, do not go against or violate her. I am watching her.
She is fully clothed. Yes.

Speaker 1 And she is very essential. She is

Speaker 1 so hot that they had to put her in prison. Whoa.
But yeah, she might be a handful, literally. She might be a difficult lady, but you know what? God bless her.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 There is no reason to arrest her for belly dancing in Egypt. No! It's the land of belly dancing.
If you can't belly dance in Egypt, then where are you going to do it? I don't know.

Speaker 1 Mar-a-lago

Speaker 1 because that's where she's going next. Oh, yeah, she will very much be purchased by the U.S.
government if she allows it. So, Linda, gotta love you.

Speaker 1 She has, she's half Italian, and so the Italians are trying to save her.

Speaker 1 You know, the Italians are like, oh,

Speaker 1 no, no, no, you give her back.

Speaker 1 was a tule bigger.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, we can get it. You know why Italy likes fully clothed.
Yes. But still seems nude.
You know what? She's just very beautiful.

Speaker 1 She is very, like, that is the essence of the sensuality of belly dancing, but also the artistry. And I celebrate her.
Leave Linda alone. Leave Linda alone.

Speaker 1 All right, so we got one more foreign report.

Speaker 1 Leave Linda alone. We all love her.
It's our little segment. We're going to talk about a woman that makes us horny.

Speaker 1 And then we're allowed. That's Eddie's story.
And we're allowed. It's our show.
It's Egypt's story.

Speaker 1 So, okay, fuck it up. One last part of the forward report is: so, the UK

Speaker 1 between the gip man of Somerset, the standing man of that other place,

Speaker 1 I forget what it was. Remember the guy that just stood in traffic?

Speaker 1 Yes, that guy that said nothing and everyone didn't know what to do about him. Man, he really, I kind of dig him.
I miss that guy. I wouldn't know where he is.

Speaker 1 But there's a new

Speaker 1 trap

Speaker 1 yes yes there is a new wriggling man in the uk that they don't like

Speaker 1 his name that they're going by is the panther man panther man panther man striking fear as he leaps from behind gravestones in messy side now for those of you that

Speaker 1 if you're in the uk this is in the wallasey beach messy side now i don't quite know where this is so it's in a it's a it's a beachside graveyard which is actually pretty fucking cool cool hell yeah and so this guy wearing a cat mask and a skin side black suit yeah a whole cat suit yes they show him they he resembles a banshee an urban jaguar that's what someone called him that was one of them

Speaker 1 and the urban jaguar you're too creative yes a dude in a skin tight suit yes they're trying to hunt him or it down

Speaker 1 people are really they don't like it because they think it's it's like for everyone's sightings the panther man is harmless all right although he does look scary i really don't think he's dangerous.

Speaker 1 Just

Speaker 1 strange. And so what he does is that he hops out from behind graveyards, from gravestones, rolls around on the ground, meowing, wriggling and meowing and touching himself.

Speaker 1 Fully clothed, literally toe-to-toe. Toe-to-toe.
But again, in UK, we've talked about this, about the idea of someone putting their sort of sexuality on you.

Speaker 1 They view that as a form of sexual assault. And so illuminated by torchlight.
He said one time a photo that she took of this lady,

Speaker 1 they took a picture. He's illuminated by torchlight.

Speaker 1 Everyone in that nun seems to have seen him. There are loads of posts, people are trying to hunt him or it down.

Speaker 1 I don't know about more recent incidences, but there are people saying he jumped out from behind gravestones at Earlston Cemetery. And he said, I didn't feel really scared.

Speaker 1 He was just waving his arms and making panther noises. I felt more confused and scared than scared.
Now, I went through a stage of doing this years ago, but now I've gone through it.

Speaker 1 Don't ask me, meow.

Speaker 1 That's what a couple of people were saying. And so it's, but he's literally just going, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.

Speaker 1 When you go to a graveyard at night, there's gonna be weird things there if there's anything. If there's anything there,

Speaker 1 it's gonna be weird. Are you asking for it? I'm not saying they're asking for it.
You say every time you go to a graveyard, and the minute you're gonna be there, it might be a fucking Pantherman.

Speaker 1 It might be a Panther Man. That's all I'm saying.
But the guy did was I went to a bear den, and I got mad that there were bears inside. That's different.
You're not going to a Panther den.

Speaker 1 You're not going to a Panther graveyard, a Panther-occupied graveyard. It is now.
Yes. Yep.

Speaker 1 Joshua Hunt, who was the Somerset gimp, he actually got, he was just not allowed to wear, like, his major, you know, his punishment is that he's banned for five years wearing masks or dressing in all-in-one black outfits at night or crawling, wriggling, writhing on the ground.

Speaker 1 That is literally what he is.

Speaker 1 That's the issue. Do you think he's the Panther Man?

Speaker 1 It's gotta be. He's a suspect, in my opinion.
He's gotta be. Well, I'm gonna give them a mole.

Speaker 1 Standing them on the street now.

Speaker 1 I'm a bit of a panther. Yeah, sure.
I'm a bit of a panther. What you want for me then? All right.
That's easy. All right.

Speaker 1 He's a bit of a panther, isn't it?

Speaker 1 Right? Because he just goes up there and he just goes, ow,

Speaker 1 I also feel like Panther Man is a big jump.

Speaker 1 These guys are all saying Urban Jaguar and Panther and stuff like that. He's a cat.
Yeah, not even. That's a cat.
He's a dude in a skin-tight trash bag. That's a guy in a cat.

Speaker 1 Okay, he's a man-faced cat.

Speaker 1 That's what he is. That's a man-faced cat.
Get out of his graveyard. He's a black cat.
Hang out. He's in the graveyard.
He's hanging out. He's where he's supposed to be.

Speaker 1 He's friendly looking for belly rubs. It's a two-way street.
You got to provide the belly rubs for them to happen. Go visit your dead loved ones during the day.
Unless you're a Panther Man.

Speaker 1 Then you visit them at night. And if you're going to go to the graveyard at night, bring food.
Yeah. Give it to the Panther Man.
He'll leave you alone.

Speaker 1 Honestly, has anyone even brought a can of friskies? Can anyone just try jerking them off once? Yeah. Just to end it.

Speaker 1 Because the second you jerk him off, he gets to stop being Panther Man for the night. And then you can be like, thank you.

Speaker 1 It has been, honestly, it has been a day. Now I can go back to being a dog.
Ruf, roof, roof, roof, roof, roof. Bring me dinners.
Bring me dinners now.

Speaker 1 Well, I'm really glad that I think our foreign report's better than theirs. It is.
It is. But I think it's more informative.
But go and check out the foreign reports here.

Speaker 1 See if they hold a candle to what we do. Yeah, because I really, I mean, aren't they?

Speaker 1 They're full of shit, right? I think that anybody, because you know, this is the whole thing.

Speaker 1 There's a lot of stuff going on in international politics, and I don't understand it. And as far as I'm concerned, nobody does.
Yeah. Because I don't.

Speaker 1 And I'm the smartest guy I know.

Speaker 1 Pantherman. Pantherman.
No, go listen to the foreign report. They know what they're talking about.
Yeah, see you in the graveyard, folks. We're all black.
If you could. Let me.

Speaker 1 All right, so we got some. Do we want to do some listener emails? Yeah, one or two.
All right, let's go. Just no jerk.

Speaker 1 Let's try a new one. Let's try a new listener email stinger.

Speaker 1 Fuck yeah, it was a good stinger. Who did that one? Same guy, Chris Tapias.
Good work. I like that one a lot more, I think.
Okay, it's good. It's quick.
Can I hear it again, actually? Sure.

Speaker 1 Ew, I like it.

Speaker 1 I only got one that's funky. Okay.
I want to get one that's funky. Send some funky ones.
Yeah. Send someone with a funky.

Speaker 1 There we go. Here we go.
Here's one. Okay.

Speaker 1 First of all, the email that I got back from about people working in the AI world,

Speaker 1 I got to say,

Speaker 1 I've never been correct, right?

Speaker 1 Never been right ever on this show. I'm so used to not being right on the show that people, you know, I'm so used to getting yelled at.

Speaker 1 I want to say it's the first time I've been collectively agreed with by multiple experts in a field. Wow.
In a very, very long time. Congratulations.

Speaker 1 Literally, I got.

Speaker 1 I'm not even joking, 25 emails about people working within the AI world and in AI technology that all say the same exact thing. It is literally going to do nothing.
It is almost all entirely hype.

Speaker 1 And the main issue right now is that they're just trying to figure out how to replace workers entirely.

Speaker 1 Which they could figure out how to, that's mostly they want to try to do. But the problem is, is that the chat bots aren't even good enough yet to do the most basic form of job.

Speaker 1 except for sucking dick. This is, no, that's the sound of you sucking your own dick.

Speaker 1 I'm correct. It's nice.

Speaker 1 It's nice. Just remember, there's no reason to be afraid of AI.
It's stupid. All right.
So what did people say? That was just really it. That's it? They just mostly understand.

Speaker 1 Est the listener mail is I'm right. Basically,

Speaker 1 I got another mail. Another mail.
I got the mail.

Speaker 1 Also, just understand one big thing about chatbots and OnlyFans.

Speaker 1 I got several people from OnlyFans that say just understand that 95 to 99 percent of the time that you believe that you're talking to a female or a living male human uh on an only fans account you are not so just remember that when they are just saying things you want to hear so this is the

Speaker 1 this is another email okay

Speaker 1 we haven't gotten to one yet just so people know yep

Speaker 1 I summed them up.

Speaker 1 I've thought about sending this email for a while. And with the recent research of Annabelle and Robert and the Aether, I couldn't help myself any longer.

Speaker 1 My dad lives about 30 minutes south of Salt Lake City. Heyo.
Coming soon. And claims to have the most haunted collection in Utah, possibly the entire country.
His words, not mine, but also maybe mine.

Speaker 1 Because you did write it and put it in an email to us, so they are yours now. Yes.
A little context. A little context.

Speaker 1 My dad grew up LDS, but ditched the church the second he could, only to fall headfirst into the satanic panic, the Warrens, and enduring belief in Catholic exorcism and relics, despite hating the Catholic Church with the fiery rage of a thousand sons.

Speaker 1 He thinks the institution is corrupt and ridiculous, but if something goes bump in the night, you better believe he's breaking out the holy water and crucifixes. It's complicated.
Okay.

Speaker 1 He's had a lifetime of weird encounters, UFOs, Ouija boards that won't leave, unexplained phenomena, you name it. Strokes.
Yep. But no, who knows? Okay.

Speaker 1 About 14 years ago, about 14 years ago, he started collecting dolls. Uh-oh.
Most are from eBay. A few came from antique stores.
And the rest are mine and my sister's childhood friends, R.I.P.

Speaker 1 Door, Peaceful Sleep. Each one has a name, which they've allegedly shared with him, and he believes that each has its own spirit.

Speaker 1 He's got a designated doll room through several, though several dolls and other haunted objects are scattered around the house. A few are even playing poker.

Speaker 1 I've attached a short video of the room from last year so you can see the setup. It is fun.

Speaker 1 Now, I know this could be chalked up to a lonely old man energy, but I grew up in that house and experienced plenty of unexplainable stuff long before the dolls moved in there's definitely a vibe when you walk through the door and weird things still happen if you pause the video around four seconds you'll see some tall candles bent in unnatural angles i've watched them slowly change shape over time it's probably hot in there they've never been lit and they're still firmly in their holders so make of that what you will it's no air conditioning that's very hot though it would i would say that would be very hot he also has a problem child cabinet a collection of objects he says won't play well with others, and he believes he's keeping their energy in check.

Speaker 1 My sister and I roll our eyes, but we also secretly worry the house might implode when he dies. Now it's a problem child merch.
Yes, I do think it is. That would be very frightening.

Speaker 1 Anyway, he's a kooky funny guy who loves sharing his haunted treasures, and he has a great sense of humor about it all. And since you'll be in the area soon, I figured I'd extend the invitation.

Speaker 1 If you're up for it, he'd be thrilled to give you a tour.

Speaker 1 Who knows?

Speaker 1 You got time. Yeah, we do have time.
I do. So who knows? I actually might reach out to you.
But the video is interesting. You do see it's a very haunted little room.

Speaker 1 The crooked candles are there, but you just have to decide whether or not you believe in something like that. And actually, I forgot to make this comment last week, and everyone's killing me.

Speaker 1 So we are going to put out Beyond the Veil. Oh, yeah.
Entirely uncut with our commentary. The reason why we just haven't done it is that we did not know how we were going to release it.

Speaker 1 And then when we decided we wanted to do the commentary on it, it landed in the middle of me producing, truly producing a massive project that I have yet to tell you guys about that is going to be released next month that I think everybody's going to be very excited for.

Speaker 1 But it's like happening right in the middle of me producing that thing. Yeah, we're doing a bunch of other things too.
Yes.

Speaker 1 So once that's done, which is about two weeks, we're going to record the commentary and then put it up. So everyone's like,

Speaker 1 because we haven't gotten to it yet. It's going to get to it.
How much people want to see something they didn't like?

Speaker 1 But also, I think it's funny that they immediately assume very intense, ornate conspiracy theories about why we didn't put it out when it's like everybody involved was absolutely fine, and everybody on our side actually had a great time.

Speaker 1 I love that.

Speaker 1 It's like one of those where it's like, we all had a fantastic time. Everybody was like, I understand that it was that people just were like

Speaker 1 obviously kind of driven crazy by it, but yeah, it's part of life. You know, it is fun to watch strangers overanalyze your life constantly.
That's our lives. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But yeah, don't worry, it's coming out. I got a, there was a listening

Speaker 1 email for me. It's a short one.
I'd like to just, you know, if you don't mind, please. Eddie asked if hospital jail counts as time served.

Speaker 1 And while I don't have a straight answer, I once spent a couple months in county with a guy who tried to commit suicide by jumping off a five-story parking ramp.

Speaker 1 He stepped off and shattered both legs. He was drunk and on parole at the time.
So as soon as the hospital cleared him, they brought him to jail and put him in genpop.

Speaker 1 The poor guy had both of his legs in casts and just sadly wheeled himself around. He did make good snack trades with his pain pills, though.
Oh, I bet. No, that dude.

Speaker 1 Oh, I didn't even get into how there's a full extended video of that dude falling and actually breaking his legs. And he did steal a pair of sunglasses from Neiman Marcus.
And he was,

Speaker 1 I feel like, are like the one thing we could still make fun of him for stealing. Totally.

Speaker 1 And he was just posting about how, like, they, they don't have the balls to come get me they don't have the balls come get me and then the cops came and got him and because he was posting live and then yeah when he jumped and no spaghetti legs man and it's just still i've i've been watching it just to crack myself up it's been uh it was pretty intense so watch yeah when you jump apparently you're not supposed to you can't have your knees locked you really shouldn't you can't have your knees locked but you're jumping on ice so you would have just cracked his tailbone if he did the knees a little bit i saw a lot of people put being like that's how out of shape that man was oh that's how thin and spindly his little legs were.

Speaker 1 And he literally could not do it. So, oh, but I was still laughing about it.

Speaker 1 Well, also, yeah, just so you know, there's a band on Spotify called The Velvet Sundown, which is fake. Yes.
Fake AI. Just so you know, if you see that pop-up.
There's a couple of other bands, too.

Speaker 1 So live every day knowing for a fact that you might not know what's real or what's fake. You're going to love the fact that the

Speaker 1 evidence that the U.S. government put out to prove that Epstein was not

Speaker 1 murdered

Speaker 1 actually is an extremely useful field of vision to create an AI cut or any form of editing. It's actually one of the easiest types of frames.

Speaker 1 As you can see, it's an entirely empty middle frame with some things right in the foreground that makes it really easy to cut and change whatever it is going on inside the middle.

Speaker 1 But even there's still a blip somehow. You're just going to love that.

Speaker 1 You're going to laugh about the fact that it's just like they're just telling you that there's a minute missing and they don't care because you think it's so easy.

Speaker 1 You're going to laugh your ass off, knowing for a fact that there's nobody in charge and you better just take care of your own crew as much as you possibly can. Yep, that is the mantra these days.

Speaker 1 Yep. Oh yeah, it's real sad.
It's fucked. But we'll get there.
We just got to take care of our friends and our communities. Yes.
Reinvest in your local community. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Stay local and support local politicians too because they grow up to be horrible people. Yeah, that's their job.
Yeah. Yeah.
So yeah. So know that you know, start it there.

Speaker 1 Someone's got to go find Mom Donnie and make him scared. to fuck up.
I mean, I think he is scared already. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. They're coming for his ass.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 They came for him so much harder than Jeffrey Epstein. I know.
And they came for him so much harder than anybody else.

Speaker 1 They just, don't they realize that they're just making him more powerful and popular? Yes.

Speaker 1 No, no, they don't. They don't understand.
It's just so stupid. Yes.
But it's also just, you know. If you ignored him and just gave a bunch of money to Eric Adams, you'd probably win.

Speaker 1 But you're too dumb. But they just don't understand.
But we'll see. We'll see.
We'll see how it goes. So go to patreon.com slash lastpodgast and left to watch us flap.
Go to lastpodcastleft.com.

Speaker 1 Come and see us live. Yes, we are.
Our show, our show at Wise Guys in Salt Lake City sold out. Woo! Asheville, sold out.
Sold out.

Speaker 1 Come and see Last Podcast and Left Live, JK Ultra, at in Salt Lake City this

Speaker 1 Saturday. That's right.
Yeah, we're going to be at the Sandy Amphitheater in Salt Lake City on July 12th. It's going to be warm.
We're all going to be dressed appropriately. Yeah.

Speaker 1 We're going to get fucking sweaty. And I can't wait to see you wet.
Yeah, it's gonna be outside and it's gonna be hot, so come on with it. I'm gonna wear shorts on stage, I'm gonna do it.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, you're gonna wear shorts on stage? I'm gonna wear shorts on stage. Hey, that's a biggest rule break in the world.

Speaker 1 I'm gonna wear shorts on stage. It's only shitty improv people do that.
Fuck yeah, dude. I'm gonna turn into that.
I am shitty improv. I'm shitty and improv.
We learned that in Atlanta.

Speaker 1 Well, honestly, you are, you did very well. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Also, we got our North Carolina tour coming up. Asheville is sold out, but come see Last Podcast on the Left Live at Charlotte at the Night Theater on August 8th, or

Speaker 1 at Durham in August 9th at the Carolina Theater. We'll be there.
And then we got lots of shows coming up.

Speaker 1 Our show in Kansas City for side stories, not sold out yet at the Truman. That's going to be on September 21st.
Get tickets to that.

Speaker 1 Tickets are now on sale, officially, finally on sale, October 24th, Redway, California. We're coming back to the Matteel Community Center.
This is our first repeat. I'm excited.
You and I.

Speaker 1 I'm very excited. I'm super excited.

Speaker 1 And know more now of how to do that show.

Speaker 1 So it'll be very, very fun. And then also, of course, on November 30th, we'll be at the Columbus, Ohio Newport Music Hall.
So come and check us out. That's going to be the Sunday after Thanksgiving.

Speaker 1 And, of course, crimewave at c.com slash left to come see us on a Royal Caribbean cruise, departing out of Fort Lauderdale, November 3rd through November 7th. Wow.

Speaker 1 We got more shit coming down the pipeline, so keep your eyes peeled for what Henry and I got going on. The Cincinnati stand-up show that I'm doing sold out as well.
That's amazing.

Speaker 1 So thank you everyone who bought tickets to that. I wish we could have fit more people in there, but you know, there's only a certain amount of people that can fit inside the Ryan Geist Brewery Hall.

Speaker 1 We got Travis Irvine's going to be there. I love it.
I can't wait. Reed Faylor is going to be there.
It's going to be a lot of fun.

Speaker 1 And then, of course, get tickets to Dead Men Tell Some Tales out here in Los Angeles on August 21st, 7.30 p.m. at the Elysian Theater.

Speaker 1 That is my Disney history show where I'm just going to, you know, ruin it. They're going to ban me.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, good. I don't know why I've chosen to do this to myself, but I have.
Please come out. Yeah, you're signing.
You're going to cut yourself off from your own fucking supply, dude. I know.

Speaker 1 You got to be careful. But I got a cast member real happy said they're going to sign me into Disney for free.
I'm very excited. So it's immediately worth it.
Yep, good. It's immediately worth it.

Speaker 1 That's all it matters. That's all I wanted.
Oh, yeah, of course. No, that's why we do anything.
Oh, so Michael Madsen died of a heart attack. Good.
Just officially.

Speaker 1 I mean, not good, but like, I'm glad it wasn't something worth it. Cocaine, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, well, I mean, cocaine.
He was exacerbated by his alcoholism and his former drug uses. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He was sober. He was.
He was sober. And I watched Hateful Late the other night.
He's fucking awesome. Yeah, he's a great movie.
He's just cool, dude. I can't wait.
Great movie. It's a great movie.

Speaker 1 All right, guys. Love all of you very much.
Hail, Sweet Sabin. And hail, Michael Madsen, even though I'm not sure if I should.

Speaker 1 He's, you know, we're all complicated, but he's more complicated than some. Hail him anyway.
Hail, sweet Sabin.

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