Side Stories: Darts & Farts

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Speaker 1 There's no place to escape to this is the last podcast.

Speaker 1 On the left,

Speaker 1 side stories?

Speaker 4 That's when the cannibalism started.

Speaker 1 Side stories. Yes.

Speaker 1 Got the ghost side of me. I'm ready to go.
This is what I was thinking. Is that immediately?

Speaker 1 I don't know how long we're going to get into this onto the show. What are you talking about? In terms of this sperm race.
Oh, yeah. I'm looking at this.
Immediately, this was sent.

Speaker 1 This was at the top of our side stories document today for some reason. And I was going through it.

Speaker 1 And the idea is that they created a super tiny track, and there's a bunch of commentators and two guys, they ejaculate into petri dishes, and then they race their sperm against each other.

Speaker 1 Now, do they like

Speaker 1 jerk off at each other? That's the first leg of the race. So, like, so like, because to me, that's the most interesting part.
I feel like that's like if you're going to do, like, a decathlon.

Speaker 1 Yeah, if they're, like, staring at each other's eyes, you know, and then jerking off into it, that's part of the race, right? It's like, who can come faster?

Speaker 1 I mean, it depends on how deep you want to go. I think it depends on the league.
I think it depends on the league that that is sperm racing. You can go and check it out.

Speaker 1 The National Institute of Spermatozoa Exploration is this very funny little company that is making, I have no idea what this is.

Speaker 1 It's some kind of, God knows where this, this, they're basically, they're trying to, they're saying that there's like a male fertility problem in the younger guys, which I've heard, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1 I mean, I don't know.

Speaker 1 I honestly think that my, my semen is, I have one. Yeah.
And he's retired. I smoke so much weed that my sperm's so dumb, it comes out my butt.
We've talked about this. We've talked about this.

Speaker 1 I've talked about it with your doctor. I've talked about it with your lovely dentist who listens to the show.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And even she said it was really worrisome how you've been going at your butt. Yeah, no, it's nice though.
You know, it's be surprised. It's like a double come when it comes out your butt.
Wow, really?

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, it's really cool. And then so I think I would have an extra edge over these people because the thing is when you shoot out your butt, it really sprays.

Speaker 1 I think that if I semened into this arena and it's two different tracks, and the two tracks are built to, I guess, replicate the tubes that go towards the eggs, right?

Speaker 1 And it's a microscopic track, and you could see the semen race along with it. And I just feel like if my semen were in there, they'd just be kind of log jamming the other tracks.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 No, my semen are very Eeyore-like, you know. Oh, yeah.
Yours are, they're having a sandwich. They lost their tail, and you don't give a shit.
Your semen is sitting under a tree with a lemonade.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? No, it is not enjoying it. It's not on the run.
It's not getting, trying to get to work. What even matters is their quote, I believe.
I really, yeah, yeah. Why, why all this for?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's my semen on the tombstone. Did someone not put water in the bong? Yeah, that's what my semen said.
Yeah, yeah. Hey, why is it so dry in here? Welcome to Side Stories.

Speaker 1 My name is Henry Zaprowski. I'm sitting here with the slow-seated Ed Larson.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 every time I come, it makes this noise.

Speaker 1 Oh, whoa, like Dom Delawies.

Speaker 1 Mine goes,

Speaker 1 like a fucking machine gun.

Speaker 1 I'm more of a leak than a spray. Yeah, no, we all are.
Trickle. I know you are, and I know I am.
And I know every man that listens to this show is.

Speaker 1 As they should be, because I sit on my nuts for a living.

Speaker 1 Hey, that's his job. I'm waiting for these fuckers to hatch how long I sit on them.
He knows where his nuts are at all times, and that's all a man can do. do.
Okay.

Speaker 1 So, first of all, before we begin, I'd like to thank everybody that watched the Behind the Veil. Yes.
Say

Speaker 1 Beyond the Veil. Beyond the Veil?

Speaker 1 Behind the Veil is what we're going to call, what we're going to release it, which is true.

Speaker 1 The Beyond the Veil with R.H. Davis, obviously, I had an idea that it was going to be polarizing, which I do think it is.
Of course it is. It's quite funny to me.

Speaker 1 But I also want to give a shout out to our crew that crushed it hardcore. We made a television show with nothing.
Nobody made any money. It took a week and a half of work.

Speaker 1 It literally was pretty great. These guys, the way these guys put all of this together was absolutely amazing.
But just so you know, none of us made any money.

Speaker 1 No one involved in the production except for the employees. We all lost $95 on the suit.
We all lost money. So just know that it was a fun

Speaker 1 flex of what we could do creatively here at LPN. And we are going to be releasing it on VOD.

Speaker 1 We don't quite know in the way we're going to do it, but I think it's going to be maths available and it's going to be for free.

Speaker 1 And it's going to include commentary from us about everything that went into it and everything that came out of it. You down with VOD? Yeah, you know me.
And so that's what we're going to do.

Speaker 1 So you'll see it all and we'll, you know, uncut and with our commentary. We just haven't figured out the timing on that, but that is coming towards you.
So thank you.

Speaker 1 We should definitely, you know, like, what are you talking about? It's two hours long. They're going to have to sit every minute because I'm not hiding behind anything.
And I want to.

Speaker 1 You're not hiding anything. It's just like edit for time.
That's their job is to fucking go through it. That's the audience's job.
Our job is to make it. Your job is to watch it as presented.

Speaker 1 And that's how we're going to do it. But you're talking about adding to it.
Yeah. Adding commentary.
That's all they want. Look at all the, this is what they want, Eddie.

Speaker 1 It was, it was pretty, it was pretty awesome to see how many people watched it, and it was great. I had a wonderful time.
I'm glad it was polarizing. Me too.
I'm not honest with you. No, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 Because there's no way it couldn't be. I knew it was.
It's all my idea, buddy. It all is.
It's all my idea. So I'm totally, I accept and thank you for your anger.

Speaker 1 I'm here to learn, man. I'm here to have a good time.
Absolutely. I don't know if I believed any of it, but it certainly was a lot of fun.
All of my reactions, I'm saving

Speaker 1 when we put it out for the VOD. You're going to hear all of my thoughts.
And I have many thoughts about what went down. And I currently have a ghost in my home right now.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That is also a thing we're going going to talk about, but I'm saving all of that. Now, is your ghost semen racing? Like, is that, is it, that was your shooting ghost? That's my goal.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 No, no, no. You're talking about my goal.
You're talking about my vision board. That's different.

Speaker 1 These little children that run the sperm racing. That's what I don't trust.
That I don't trust is the children with the vials of my cum.

Speaker 1 You have two bullheaded 19-year-olds with jars of cum in front of them that I think that's like, this is going to be a problem. Wow.
Now, can I ask you something?

Speaker 1 Can we go back to the sperm thing real quick?

Speaker 1 I got several questions and theories. Okay.

Speaker 1 Gooners. Do you think that gooners would be exceptional well at this or would theirs be dead on arrival? Sometimes gooning, I think, destroys your expulsive

Speaker 1 abilities. But also, I don't know whether.
Shoot, do they die in the balls or do they like, or do they come out like fucking racehorses? Side stories, L-P-O-T L at gmail.com.

Speaker 1 Does the sperm of gooners, is it stronger or is it weaker? I want to hear from scientists. There has to be somebody out there that's doing the science on gooning.

Speaker 1 There has to be one or two scientists somehow involved with either the Angela White or the Gianna Michaels industry that have gone in there and then it must be helping these people with gooning and its effect on semen retention and semen productivity.

Speaker 1 No poon all goon. Yeah, I mean, that's the that's all they do.
Yeah. Only it's only goon.
Don't worry about that. Uh, all right, so spoon the goon.

Speaker 1 that's because they like to be held that's what these guys are doing yeah yeah now these children here that are running this um sperm event yes uh these yeah these kids are way these kids are definitely under 18.

Speaker 1 i don't know who these kids are i don't know who the children they have put on the sperm racing twitter account that they're the two mushroom headed children that are literally holding vials of semen with rubber gloves

Speaker 1 yeah yeah but that anybody can have a lab coat on do you remember the guys rubber gloves to protect them from the semen or for jerking off fellas i don't know what they're doing i think they might be

Speaker 1 catching the semen in their hands. But yes, they got this semen race is going on hardcore.
But do you remember in CVS they used to do that in New York? Semen racing?

Speaker 1 But the guys, well, they used to call it something else. That was, yeah, that was just coming on the floor.
Yeah. You know, that was a

Speaker 1 spill on aisle 12. You were also just being told, you better come right now, or I'm going to come on you instead of with you.
And so I'm like, you know, I always am, I'm a yes-and guy.

Speaker 1 CVS used to do the thing where they used to have blood pressure

Speaker 1 where he just have like a homeless man in a lab coat. Oh, that guy.

Speaker 1 There was that one guy outside of Dwayne Reed in Ridgewood who would always be like, check your blood pressure as you walk by. And I'm like, why is the cuff so small?

Speaker 1 I used to always argue with that guy because he used to always tell me, I always have great blood pressure. It's the one thing I got going for me health-wise.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Always have phenomenal blood pressure right on the money every day, always for all of the time. And then he would always bitch at me, be like, you don't know it's good.
I'm like, I know it's good.

Speaker 1 It's fine. And then, you know, I checked it one time.
He's like, it's good. I'm like, I told you so.
Sometimes you don't got to worry about fighting any. Do you? Sometimes you got to let it go.

Speaker 1 No, I remember. I want to get into some news and we'll get into and we'll talk more about our lives.
I like blood pressure machines. I know we will talk about blood pressure machines.

Speaker 1 Let's talk about some news and then we'll come back around. I promise you.
The news you can use.

Speaker 1 First of all, Karen Reed, not guilty. Now, I didn't really cover this that.
in depth. You were in love with this story and then you abandoned it.
Well, I watched the first trial. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then there's been a lot of other trials that I've been watching more closely that have also then gotten boring. Lori Valo trial is now, it's over, it's done.
She's now going to go to an appeals.

Speaker 1 All the appeals are boring. P.
Diddy trial, unfortunately, has entered into a bit of a boring zone. They are now currently watching the sex tapes of Diddy publicly in court.

Speaker 1 It's crazy how that's the boring part.

Speaker 1 Oh, yes, because they're saying that it's also he's listening to his own music while watching a sex worker fuck his wife, and you're watching him in the stand at in trial, like bobbing his head to his own music, which is again, that's producer.

Speaker 1 Good to be there. You know what I mean? I mean, he wrote the songs.
He likes it. I love a Murder Fist video.
Same. I watch my stuff all the time.

Speaker 1 I can see him pissing him in his own cup, drinking it just to remind you just getting the nostalgia on his lip, hearing it back in the day, like, I remember I got that guy Good and Shiny that Tuesday.

Speaker 1 But then, but the biggest, so I didn't have time to watch the new Karen Reed trial.

Speaker 1 So Karen Reed was accused of killing John O'Keefe, that was a Boston police officer. That was a,

Speaker 1 they were, I guess, a part of the little small town in Massachusetts. And they were deeply connected to this very intense cop family that they were all partying at after hours.

Speaker 1 And then John O'Keefe, Karen Reed left early. She was dating John O'Keefe.
Yes. John O'Keefe ends up dead.
In the snow. In the snow.
And Karen Reed is blamed.

Speaker 1 They say that Karen Reed hit him with her SUV because she was drunk and fight. She was driving drunk.
They all partied all night. These guys party like only 45 to 50-year-old cops can.

Speaker 1 I don't know how they can. I don't know how they can all party that hard until 7 a.m.
I know these are so hard. I know it's cocaine.
When I worked at the poorhouse, the cops would go hard.

Speaker 1 They were fucking scary. They would talk about like getting drunk and shooting out streetlights when the subway came by.
Those guys are fucking nuts.

Speaker 1 Dude, these guys are the night that they describe of all of these cops hanging out is just sounds like a lot. They went to, they had like a bit of a bar crawl.

Speaker 1 Then they went to, I believe it was the McCabe house for the after party. And when they got out there, so Karen Reed, John O'Keeffe, they had some kind of

Speaker 1 she didn't want to be there. They were constantly fighting.
Yes, they had a very tumultuous relationship. And so they,

Speaker 1 John O'Keefe says, fuck this. I want to go into this after party.
John O'Keeffe goes into the after party after they drive in from the main city out to where they they live. Karen Reed goes home.

Speaker 1 He's found dead in the morning. They say that she hit him with her SUV.
What is then found is like, you know, essentially all these investigators fucked up the job.

Speaker 1 And what is the reason why this is such a big deal is because this is one of the very, very few cases that cuts through. the corruption of the local police and actually comes out with an exoneration.

Speaker 1 This almost never happens. When you went through the text messages of all the inspectors talking

Speaker 1 text messages. There's all these text messages.

Speaker 1 They got re-wrapped bees on them.

Speaker 1 I need you to focus. I need you to focus.
We're going to get you some food. We're going to get you some food.

Speaker 1 So chewing all the sound equipment on top of the microphone.

Speaker 1 That's a flower tortilla, right?

Speaker 1 But all the investigators were super fucking casual and gross about Karen Reed. They were all asking who's got her nudes.
All that stuff came out in trial.

Speaker 1 Like, they all were talking massive shit against this woman. We know that one of the ladies connected to the cop family where the after party was happening had Googled after Karen Reed had left

Speaker 1 the.

Speaker 1 Ho long to die in cold. Ho long to die in cold.
Yes.

Speaker 1 And that was a big deal that kind of swayed the people. It swayed the jury together.

Speaker 1 So really, if you want to, if you're ever thinking about killing somebody, you know, do all your text messages months ahead of time, all your Google searches months ahead of time. Key is.

Speaker 1 Do it at the library. At the library.
Also,

Speaker 1 I mean this, you know, we hate giving tips to criminals, but write it on a piece of paper. Yeah.
Burn it.

Speaker 1 I would also

Speaker 1 do more talking. Yeah.
Less texting. Because the cops also incriminated themselves on text.

Speaker 1 And one of the big things that kept happening was that the main investigator would arrive He would there would be no evidence and all of a sudden he discover something new.

Speaker 1 Yes, and so that was the stuff like it had been raining and snowing and it was all this horrible weather but then somehow all of this perfect these the the shattered light from the back of her Her the back the shattered back headlight from her her brake light on her SUV that glass is found all of a sudden just sitting kind of lightly on top of the snow Where it should be under the snow.

Speaker 1 Yes. And then there's also the, but we, but she, there's no evidence to show where she got her brake light broken.
Sounds like it was a full-on fix.

Speaker 1 So it, to be honest, it's just kind of a wild thing. The idea of beating a bunch of Massachusetts cops in court

Speaker 1 is it doesn't happen. And it lost.
Her life is going to be hell now. She has to move.
She'll leave. Yeah.
She'll. She'll have to leave Massachusetts for sure.
Probably.

Speaker 1 But also, Karen Reed, it's an example about how, like, she was a financial advisor. So she had a lot of money.

Speaker 1 So, she managed to get herself out on bail during an extreme and a high mark, too, which is most like one of the hardest parts that people can have. Because obviously, the internet really did help.

Speaker 1 The social pressure helped, which is she got out in front of cameras. She was like on 2020 and dateline and all these things.
She had her own TV show.

Speaker 1 She got to put her case out in front of the American people because she had the cash flow to get out of jail. And also, I watched that ID show or whatever, the one that's on Max.

Speaker 1 I don't know if it was ID, but whatever. Who cares?

Speaker 1 It seemed like it was a really bad idea for her to be doing that. Oh, yeah, no, it's always bad.
No one should be, you should not be talking in front of her. But I'm there for her.
She's obviously.

Speaker 1 That lady's pretty smart. Karen Reed's pretty fucking smart.
Karen is

Speaker 1 likable. Yes, she's smart, likable.
She's got that. She's got a great attorney.

Speaker 1 And,

Speaker 1 you know, and

Speaker 1 the people saw. The people saw.
So now that she's not guilty, are they going to go after these? We still have a, we have still have a murdered cop here.

Speaker 1 I believe they are all, I know that they were all suspended. The investigator, I forget his name, the head investigator was so butthurt about all of this.

Speaker 1 He was like, just kind of talking about how, you know, like,

Speaker 1 you know, there's no way you could possibly

Speaker 1 kind of afford this kind of big plan. And it was like, you guys did it over text message.
Yeah. You talked to each other about how you were going to log jam this woman.
And maybe

Speaker 1 you cops should maybe know that they read the text messages. And then when they go into court,

Speaker 1 it's going to be,

Speaker 1 I don't know what to tell you. You're going to need to kill her too.
Sorry, cops.

Speaker 1 Unfortunately, if you wanted to get away with this, you should have killed Karen Reed as well, and then probably killed a couple other people as well.

Speaker 1 I mean, I'm just saying, if you're going to go in for one, in for a penny, you're in for a dollar. Yeah, no.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so let's see what happens because I feel like they kind of have to go after these police officers now. Oh, they don't got to do anything.
Oh, they're just going to let them go

Speaker 1 away. Yeah, because they could just say that.
I think that they're all suspended. Right now, everybody's suspended.

Speaker 1 I think that they're going to let this go to sleep after a long period of time, and then they'll just kind of come back.

Speaker 1 They will eventually come back because largely, I think mostly it's very hard to prove the corruption, but it's not hard to prove that they fucked everything up. Yeah.

Speaker 1 They should at least get fired. But, you know, very hard.
It's very hard. The thing about Massachusetts cops mentality.

Speaker 1 You know, I worked with the Boston police, and they weren't as horrible as I thought they were going to be. It's not about horrible, but it is about loyalty no matter what.
Yes.

Speaker 1 The loyalty no matter what does cause, even which we always say it's the problem because it brings good cops in with all the bad cops.

Speaker 1 And that's the, that is the problem. So you have to all,

Speaker 1 everyone's trying to protect each other. And when it comes down to that, that's where all the corruption comes.
Yeah. There are plenty of bad cops.
There are.

Speaker 1 But also, let's give more praise to our mediocre cops. Yeah, absolutely.
Because like, you know, the useless ones are very helpful.

Speaker 1 They're just in there filling out uniforms, doing their jobs, making sure that, you know, like they're directing protests. Yeah, too lazy to hit anybody.

Speaker 1 You know, they're the guys making sure that, you know, like you're parking right

Speaker 1 somewhere. So give it up for the mediocre conversation.
Yeah, and I really want to thank the LAPD for stepping it up and really beating the shit out of us.

Speaker 1 It's not letting the military do it. No, let us let our homegrown police do it for us.
Yeah, okay, we don't need your federal response.

Speaker 1 Let the police just beat the hell out of us here because they're great at it. Yeah, and if they don't beat the shit out of us, what are they going to do? I don't know.
Why are we outsourcing?

Speaker 1 This is like one of my biggest problems here is that we're outsourcing our violence when we have plenty of locally sourced violence. These are bad motherfuckers.

Speaker 1 Guys, they could beat us and they could rape us with broom poles and stuff like that. It's totally in their sphere.
They're totally good at it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but if they don't beat us, they're going to beat someone else. Yeah, so let them beat us.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, because they'll come to your city.
They're going to lead.

Speaker 1 If the LAP doesn't get to be able to get to the left, they're going to start fighting the firemen or something. Dude, they're going to go to...
They're going to go to Arizona.

Speaker 1 They're going to start beating up people in Arizona. Is that what you want? That's what you fucking wanted.
Is that what you want? Is that what you want? You want to want?

Speaker 1 Please. Just hold it fucking.
Just think about it for yourself.

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Speaker 1 All right, now, second big update. Anne Borrell,

Speaker 1 former host of World's Worst Cooks in America. Is this an update? No.

Speaker 1 It's a brand new story. Anne Borrell, this is a story that I love, right? This is a story.
This is a woman that I love. I have no

Speaker 1 plan of Jesus. She's a celebrity chef.
It is another mark against World's

Speaker 1 Worst Cooks in America. The worst cooks in America.
I tell you the story about how the winner, I believe, of the third season, third or fifth season of Worst Cooks in America killed their daughter.

Speaker 1 So are you, like, if you're a bad cook, are you the worst cook? Or did he win because he killed his daughter?

Speaker 1 Because that makes you a bad coach. That would be huge.
It was a lady.

Speaker 1 And it would be huge. It would be huge.
But was it murder? No, was it food? It's that you're a horrible cook. And then by the end, you get to be a good cook.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 It was the chicken fricassee that killed the nine-year-olds. No, it was neglect.
And the

Speaker 1 mother killed her daughter that won Worst Cooks, right? And we all thought that's the worst thing that Food Network's ever going to have to deal with. Yeah.
Right.

Speaker 1 Because they deleted that entire season. It's so funny.
Really? Oh, yeah. They buried it.
They buried it. Forget which one it was.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was Arielle Robinson.
20, yeah, from in May 2022. She was, she won.
And yeah,

Speaker 1 the child died from Blunt Force Traumas. But I still don't know.
Is she the best of the worst or is she the worst of the worst? How does the winning of Worst Cook go?

Speaker 1 It's got nothing to do with murdering your your daughter. I know it's got nothing to do with murdering your daughter.
Mostly it's got to do with cooking.

Speaker 1 But I'm just saying, was she the worst cook or the best of the worst? She was the best of the worst. Okay.
That's the idea. That's why she won.

Speaker 1 Her cooking won most, like essentially most improved. Oh, okay.
So Anne Burrell hosted this for a long time and then stepped away from it. Well, with Duff Goldman.

Speaker 1 She was working with this and then she had a working relationship with Duff Goldman. For those of you who don't know, Duff Goldman.
No idea who this is. Is the cake boss, right? Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 I know cake boss. I didn't know he had a name, though.
I thought he was just cake boss.

Speaker 1 Everyone has a name. No, I'm wrong.
Oh, my God. I'm wrong.
The whole fucking world is going to come for me. That is, I'm wrong.
The cake boss is buddy Velastro.

Speaker 1 Okay. Duff Goldman is the cake rapist.
What is it? His name? The cake

Speaker 1 pedophile? What is it? Cake Predator.

Speaker 1 The Ace of Cakes. Ace of Cakes.

Speaker 1 That's what I meant.

Speaker 1 That's what I meant. And he.
The Ace of Cakes. The Ace of cakes.
And so he did this show with Dan Burrell, and then they kind of like broke up, Duff Goldman.

Speaker 1 And then he made this weird ass fucking response.

Speaker 1 After she died? After she died. This is the first thing I want to say, because now there's like, it's a case.
I tell you what, life's no piece of cake.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 especially not when you were a fucking big fat chef, because sometimes what happens is the cake is the thing that killed you, unfortunately.

Speaker 1 But also, I don't trust a skinny chef, and I only like my chefs that are on the verge of death. So

Speaker 1 that's life. And so this is the weird weird thing that Duff Goldman wrote.
I've written and rewritten this post so many times in the past 24 hours and I don't know what to say.

Speaker 1 It's never a good start. Anne and I became friends in 2006.
She was going through some stuff and I heard that she was feeling it.

Speaker 1 So on a trip to New York City from Baltimore, I had made her a cake that said, don't let the bastards win. She never did.
We had a complex relationship.

Speaker 1 And I remember the last conversation we had before our paths drifted. With the last conversation we had before our paths drifted.
All right, what is that fucking?

Speaker 1 Isn't it supposed to be the bastards get you down? Yeah, I don't know. Maybe he didn't have enough room on the cake.
I think it's a smaller cake. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I know she said that they had a pretty feisty debate about the merits of catfish. She said the words trash fish, it tastes like mud, and called him cake boy.
Okay.

Speaker 1 And I always had a spirited and somewhat acerbic back and forth. I never really knew why our paths drifted, but I always hoped that wherever she was, Anne was doing well and finding some happiness.

Speaker 1 She had to put the catfish thing in there. This whole thing is just so like.
Just rambling.

Speaker 1 So now people are like, so she was found dead in her shower, right? Naked.

Speaker 1 I go dead in her shower. She was

Speaker 1 clothed in her shower. That'd be way weirder.
It would be, right? Yeah. But it's hotter when she's naked.
It's sad. I'm sorry, guys.
I'm sorry I'm doing this. No, no, no.

Speaker 1 I'm lashing out. And so Amperelle,

Speaker 1 I think, died of suspicious circumstances. Okay.
There's no evidence pointing towards this. TMZ says possible overdose.
Of course, and I align with them. Well, you know, it's weird.

Speaker 1 At all times, I align with them. But they're usually right.
So it sounded like something bad was going on. She's got, she's got,

Speaker 1 I want to talk to your manager, but I've just smoked PCP hair. Yes.
So she's just got that ability. There's something about her.
She's always had an edge to her. Well, chefs love drugs.
I get it.

Speaker 1 You know, you got to stay up all night. It's a long shift.
It's hard. There was a guy, you know, the guy who took over chef after me.

Speaker 1 I remember I came back to check on the place and I opened up one of the coolers and there was just like cocaine on top of one of the Tupperware containers. Just like it loose.
And it's just like,

Speaker 1 first of all, like, it's just going to get moist. What are you doing? Like, it's a bad place for cocaine.
I think a guy wasn't, let's just say he wasn't thinking with his front mind. No, he wasn't.

Speaker 1 He was a really bad chef. Yeah, he was a bad.
And that's the main issue is that probably mostly is that his cooking was bad. You can do as many drugs as you want as long as the cooking is good.

Speaker 1 And she was a good cook, right? She was fine. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I never ate at any of her restaurants. She never ate any.

Speaker 1 restaurants yeah she had a restaurant in new york and i forgot where else she had one and then anne bore elb but like you know but she taught many people how to cook many celebrities some of you have been your worst favorite celebrities oh yeah philann's good time lounge that was a big one that that closed she had some problems with union work okay too she had some problems with the union oh so she's a bee she's got some stuff going on in there i mean i hate that if you're a chef like don't take advantage of your cooks it's just the whole that shit's crazy she's just there's a lot going on in there.

Speaker 1 I think she might have been weirdly a very troubled woman. Okay.
But we'll find out. We'll find out.
I hope we do. But you like Disney.
I got all my autopsy pictures and I'm going to go through them.

Speaker 1 That's my goal for the weekend.

Speaker 1 That's what I'd like to do. Oh, man.
My other goal for the weekend, you like Disneyland, right? I love Disneyland. It's one of my favorite places in the entire world.

Speaker 1 Now, have you ever thought about the idea of you and Julie renewing your vows? You know, I was going to ask Julie to marry me at Disneyland, but for lack of a better word, I found that to be

Speaker 1 gay.

Speaker 1 Well, it does make you a Disney adult. Yeah, yeah.
Like then you're fully a Disney adult. If you rap.
Now I'm like a fan. I guess I'm kind of a Disney adult.

Speaker 1 You like Disney enough, but I would say, but I am thankful that you didn't do that. Yes, no, I'm glad I didn't do it too.
Keep your love separate from IP. Yeah, I did it.

Speaker 1 Well, I didn't do that either. I did it.
I asked her to marry me at a Fleetwood Mac concert. That's not IP.
It's not IP? No. It's not CP.
Imagine that. Them all dressed up like Insane Clown Posse,

Speaker 1 singing Rhiannon. Fleetwood ICP is incredible.

Speaker 1 Malay.

Speaker 1 Malay.

Speaker 1 Family. Family.
Oddly enough, though, Lindsey Buckingham is worse than any member of ICP.

Speaker 1 Lindsey Buckingham's such a piece of shit. He's such a piece of shit.
It's so funny to even think like, yeah, I let ICP watch my dogs. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I would not let Lindsey Buckingham near my dogs. Nowhere near my house or my family or my wife.
Yeah, yes.

Speaker 1 But I bring all this up to say, it sounds like Disneyland, people love to get married there. Uh-huh.
Including pedophiles. Now, this story is a,

Speaker 1 I am loving this story right now. Okay.

Speaker 1 I need you to explain this to me because I don't know how this story got past me. It just showed up.
Okay.

Speaker 1 So now a British man who was not going to be named, I guess they keep saying for legal reasons. I think this has to do with like a

Speaker 1 thing wrong?

Speaker 1 Not yet. Okay.
But it's lots of, there's lots of wrong around it. But yes, nothing necessarily happened yet.
Okay. So he was 39 years fun, everybody's favorite age, the sexiest age to be.

Speaker 1 And he set up an elaborate fairy tale wedding at Disneyland Paris, which I actually kind of thought that's where it should, I thought Paris, you could get married to a child.

Speaker 1 I thought it was very European to get married to a child in a castle. Yeah, well, you know, don't they do that there a lot? A couple centuries ago, for sure.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And last week. So this guy, he rented out all of Disneyland, Paris for 115,000 Euro.
I would think it's more.

Speaker 1 Because it was only a section of it.

Speaker 1 It was a part, higher part of the Disneyland site at Marne-Valer at

Speaker 1 a cost, but 115 Euro. And he invited hundreds of guests.
Okay. They had all these guests.

Speaker 1 So he's a popular guy. So people started arriving.
Disney apparently had no idea. Yeah, I guess it translates to 170, about 175 grand

Speaker 1 in U.S. dollars.
So they go.

Speaker 1 All of these guests start arriving. Hundreds of guests from Paris and hundreds of guests from the Ukraine.

Speaker 1 And eventually these people start saying, like, oh, you know, we were just told to be here for a wedding.

Speaker 1 Turns out everybody that's coming to this wedding is a hired actor.

Speaker 1 All of the people from Paris were extras that were hired. They said to watch a show, right, to be a part of a filmed wedding.

Speaker 1 Then they found all these Ukrainian people that are also all hired actors that are all pretending to be Family of the Bride.

Speaker 1 They're all saying that they're there to play Family of the Bride in a filmed television show wedding. Well, we all know about all the actors in Ukraine pretending there's a war going on.

Speaker 1 I mean, that's all they do all day. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Do you have any idea how hard it is to fake blow up your village?

Speaker 1 Do you have any idea how hard it is? You might as well just blow it up. That's what I said.
Why are we using all the CGI?

Speaker 1 But this guy, so this 39-year-old, yet to be named, he introduces his wife. Okay.
They're going to be in the process. This is at dawn, right?

Speaker 1 Because that's where they allow you to have the park, is at dawn. That makes sense.
It's a nine-year-old.

Speaker 1 So it's this nine-year-old from the Ukraine that has been brought in with a fake mother and a fake sister that have brought this nine-year-old in.

Speaker 1 Now, according to this man, this British man, the only thing that he's guilty of is wanting to create a magical afternoon for a little girl, and that he was going to marry her in this Prince Charles Cinderella style.

Speaker 1 Prince Charming.

Speaker 1 Prince Charles is, I guess, yeah. You know what? You're right.
You're right. I'm keeping it.
You're right. No, you're actually correct.
Prince Charles marries a nine-year-old style.

Speaker 1 And everyone's like, it wasn't until finally one of the paid extras went to Disneyland and they saw this whole thing going on. They said they said it was all like this.

Speaker 1 We don't know until they saw the nine-year-old in the full bridal wear. Uh-huh.
Right. Coming down through, which is also like,

Speaker 1 we had a great time planning our, you know, planning a wedding is very stressful, but it's also fun, but it's extremely stressful.

Speaker 1 Can you imagine how difficult it must be to plan a wedding with a nine-year-old? And extras.

Speaker 1 Extras are always wandering off. They just switch their mind.
One day they're Elsa, the next day they're the lady from their Tomb Raider. Yeah, the next day they're something else, right?

Speaker 1 So you never know with these nine-year-olds. So we're to stick it in.
Trying to get a nine-year-old to choose plates.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Just trying to get him to sit still long enough to be like, listen, you're gonna be my wife soon.
Yeah, yeah. You need to pick out forks.
You gotta bring the iPad.

Speaker 1 You gotta, oh, you gotta bring iPad in a lot of brochures, but you're love tasting the cake. Who's gonna walk her down the aisle? Bluey? I think that, no, they paid what you do.

Speaker 1 Is if you're marrying a child to Disneyland, Paris, obviously, you have to

Speaker 1 hire a Ukrainian sex worker to pretend to be her.

Speaker 1 You're gonna get a hile.

Speaker 1 I'm not gonna let a hile go.

Speaker 1 But I love this that they, it wasn't until they saw the child, right? They saw the child, and then everyone's like, oh, no. And they went to Disneyland Paris.

Speaker 1 And I would have loved to see the look on the face of the Disneyland Paris employee dressed as Leigh Goofy.

Speaker 1 I guess because in Goofy there, and Paris and Goofy, his dick's out and stuff. He's like a red rocket.

Speaker 1 He's a full sexual harlequin goofy. He's got the full, like, he's got, you can see his nipples.
He reeks like wine. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 telling that guy,

Speaker 1 I think the man's getting married to a child. Right.
Like, I think that's the wife there, sir. I was trucked in here, and I believe that that's the wife.
And they hear him go,

Speaker 1 oh, no.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 But it's not a real wedding, right?

Speaker 1 No, it was supposed to, but that's where he kept saying, but it's not a real wedding, guys. This is the thing that he has that you're always saying.

Speaker 1 like you sound like his lawyer like that's become that i never got married guys

Speaker 1 we never went through with it i got cold bowls yeah well the thing is like what is it's very upsetting and it's horrible and this man should be beaten in public but what is the crime what you know like send daddy to parents sounds like someone's got a pro boner lawyer for you he has a history of this yes

Speaker 1 yeah he's what like like pedophile stunts, same as pedophile. Yeah, that's the thing, man.
He's a pedophile with that X-Factor. He's a pedophile that's got a little something extra.

Speaker 1 Well, it just sounds like he likes

Speaker 1 extreme pedophile humor.

Speaker 1 That's what it seems like he's more of a fan of, right?

Speaker 1 He's described as a known pedophile wanted in the UK. All right, I take it back.
I take it back.

Speaker 1 I take it all back immediately.

Speaker 1 I just wish we could call the episode extreme pedophile humor when we can't. When we fucking can't.

Speaker 1 Oh, God, the idea of just,

Speaker 1 it's just a funny pedophile gig.

Speaker 1 It's a mix-em-ups. I mean, it's not a mix-em-ups when you hire staff.
Yeah, that's it. It's not a mix-em-ups when you've got to do the six-month lead-time rental fee to get Disneyland Paris.

Speaker 1 Can I tell you something that I'm more upset about still to this day is that when I was a child one day, I'm at Disney World, and it was five o'clock came by and then they were like, hey, listen, you got to leave because Elizabeth Taylor bought Disney World and she's having a birthday party.

Speaker 1 I actually

Speaker 1 made it really, that made me really mad when I was a child. I just wanted to, it stuck with me and I never forgave her.
I need the audience hang in here with me for a second to understand that.

Speaker 1 That is worse, subjectively. Yeah.
Than this UK pedophile. Because they didn't kick anyone out of Disney.
This is just an extreme pedophile humor. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's just an extreme pedophile, funny thing that happened. Wow, it was so famous.
You didn't even get to go. You didn't, it's so famous a day that you didn't even get to go, Eddie.
Yes, I know.

Speaker 1 I know. It's very, I was very mad about it.
There it is. February 27th, 1992.
Wow, the exact day. That was the day.
That was the day.

Speaker 1 I'm glad I can remember. So I was 11.
I was 11, tortured by fucking Elizabeth Taylor. You know what? This bitch cut my Disney World day short.

Speaker 1 Truly, one of the worst parts about it was that they could definitely tell. Look at the difference in the microphones.
That was supposed to be for the bio. That was supposed to be for the bows.

Speaker 1 So the staff didn't know. The staff, if they put the tiny microphone stand there,

Speaker 1 that means someone knew.

Speaker 1 The tiny microphone stand is evidence. Do you think the UK guy came in? He's like, all right, listen, my wife, I don't want you to say anything about my wife,

Speaker 1 me fiancé, me fiancé. I don't want to say anything about me fiancé, all right? I just want you to understand.

Speaker 1 She's a bit short.

Speaker 1 You know, I don't want you to say nothing about her. She's not like a little person.
I mean, she's a little person. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But she's not a capital L, capital P little person. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.
Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But she's small.

Speaker 1 She's a bit small. Is she small? No, she's a bit small.
Just, you know, don't even acknowledge it.

Speaker 1 If you could. She's sensitive about her.

Speaker 1 Super sensitive about being super short. Very sensitive about it.
So where were her real parents? I think they're dead. We don't know.
We have no idea what happened to her parents.

Speaker 1 We don't really know if... Is she Ukrainian? She's Latvian.
Latvian.

Speaker 1 Where is that? I think it's to the right. I never hung out with those people.

Speaker 1 Some more of Eddie's extreme pedophilia.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't know where Latvia is. Oh, okay.
Oh, it's by Lithuania. Yeah, I always knew that.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Just a couple clicks south of Estonia. Oh, okay, great.

Speaker 1 You know, you love Estonia. It's near Poland.
Oh, definitely.

Speaker 1 Yes. Oh, God, pierogies.
Thank God they didn't mess with the Polish here. We got to get you lunch.
Yes. Yeah, something's going on.
We got to get you lunch. Yeah, yeah.
One of those.

Speaker 1 I feel like that too. I guess just thinking about the catering of this wedding.
Tex-Mex. God.
Just nothing nuggies and mac and cheese. So what happened to this?

Speaker 1 Nothing happened to this man, though, right? It all got broken up, and then everybody just got disbanded right now.

Speaker 1 And the investigation continues. Okay.
That's what all both ends of both of the articles I was looking at say. And it was in France, so I imagine they gave the kid cigarettes and sent him home.

Speaker 1 I'm pretty certain they gave him a glass of wine. They allowed him to drive home.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, I think that in Paris, it's just, but yeah, I think the main issue was that no, what he, nobody was told and nobody brought a gift. Wow.

Speaker 1 And that's like one of the biggest issues they said was when they canceled it. It was just because in Paris, normally they are fine.

Speaker 1 What's that say? I can't read it. The investigations, including the medical examination of the minor, a Ukrainian national, showed that she had not been subjected to any violence or cohesive acts.

Speaker 1 Yeah, she wasn't like, she's just been, apparently the way this guy was pitching it was that he was doing this as some beautiful princess-like moment for the little girl to have.

Speaker 1 But that's like, you do it. I would even do it with another little boy, but why does it have to be a wedding? You definitely don't need, yeah, it doesn't need to be a wedding.

Speaker 1 It could be like you conquered Arendelle or something. Honestly, and yeah, with pedophiles, keep that out of it and people won't be that interested in it.

Speaker 1 If it was just a party, nobody would have known. Yes.
Again, there's a big issue. We said about when you call something a wedding, they upcharge.

Speaker 1 He's been charged with fraud, breach of trust, and money laundering and identity theft. Yeah, because he pretended

Speaker 1 he faked all the stuff. He faked all the paperwork.
Breach of trust is a crime in Europe? Yes.

Speaker 1 Interesting. Yes, it's one of the worst worst crimes someone can do.
It's like that and being a hypocrite. How many years you get for being a hypocrite there? Yep.

Speaker 1 It's very, honestly, it's the worst crime you can do there. Well, you know.
Outside of marrying a child, almost marrying a child. You know who really doesn't like

Speaker 1 children? Who? Irish nuns. You know why? Because they found 796 dead babies executed,

Speaker 1 or executed, expected to be found hidden in a septic tank at an unwed mother's home run by nuns. Now, is there, can I, this might be an insensitive question.

Speaker 1 But is there like a chute to throw them down into it? I imagine. Like, is it one of those things that they pop the border out or they pop the thing out? Like, are they doing abortions or

Speaker 1 is these just kids that have died? Many of the infant remains are feared to have been dumped in a cesspool known as the pit.

Speaker 1 The total. Like the People's Improv Theater.
Yes, that's right. That's where we started our careers.
Wow. A total of 798 children died at the home between 1925 and 1961.
That's a lot. It's a lot.

Speaker 1 So are they saying that they died by their hands or do they die naturally and then dumped in a pit? It seems like they may have died by their hands. There's no way to know just yet.
The other 700 and

Speaker 1 two of the 796 were actually buried. The rest of them were sent down into the septic tank.
Wow, I was right. There was like a shoot.
Yes.

Speaker 1 They do threw down like a pair of, like a bunch of laundry, like old, like old shirts. Yes.
The Bond Secures mother and baby home was demolished in 1971.

Speaker 1 It is now surrounded by a modern apartment complex oh great so no yeah so this apartment complex is haunted by little babies

Speaker 1 that's crazy no it should just be a secure mom's home it wasn't super secure for the children the home was a maternity home for unwed mothers and their children run by religious uh order of catholic nuns and irish catholics did something

Speaker 1 Bad. I know.
Isn't it crazy? What the fuck, Eddie? This is wild. So they were killed, but I feel like they're going to probably say a lot of these babies were like dead already.

Speaker 1 The unmarried pregnant women would be sent to home to give birth and would be interned for a year to do unpaid work.

Speaker 1 They were separated from their newborn children and would be raised by the nuns until they were adopted.

Speaker 1 Yep, that is, that means it's like when you send the dog to go walk, run in a field everywhere and they just turned it into an ottoman or something.

Speaker 1 I feel like that's literally that version of that. Is that wrong?

Speaker 1 Is that offensive? I mean, you know, this whole thing is very upset. Yeah, everyone's very, I imagine people are super upset.
Oh, yeah. I mean, especially when you find 798 victims.

Speaker 1 Margaret Maggie O'Connor gave birth to one of the babies named Mary Margaret at the home when she was.

Speaker 1 Whoa, Mary Margaret. Yes.
Well, that's probably the name of half of them. I know.
Oh, yeah, sure, sure, sure. But she was a victim of sexual assault, and she gave birth.

Speaker 1 And then the girl died six months later, and the mother only found out when a nun told her. So they don't really know if the nuns were killing the kids or not, it seems like.

Speaker 1 Well, yeah, it sounds like the nuns, let's just say they were trying to find a way to didn't come back on them because nuns are sneaky. Yes.
Nuns are liars.

Speaker 1 They told her that the child of your sin is dead. Yeah, that is like literally it.
Nuns are little, little nuns are sneaky little fucks. Nuns are liars.

Speaker 1 Nuns will do whatever. Nuns don't want you to have a baby.
They want you to be a fucking, they want your vagina to seal clothes. Yes, they originally would call the women fallen women.
Oh, yes.

Speaker 1 Yes, and they were called fallen women, mostly applied to sex workers.

Speaker 1 But they also

Speaker 1 took the term seduced women, victims of rape or incest. That's really like the idea of calling a woman that is a victim of rape of incest a seduced woman is such a fucking

Speaker 1 cruel. Yeah, it is

Speaker 1 extremely cruel.

Speaker 1 The last of the Magdalene laundries closed their doors in the 1990s. Ireland's government issued a formal state of apology in 2014.

Speaker 1 And in 2022, a compensation scheme was set up to be paid out in the equivalent of $32 million to the 814 survivors. They're fucking 32.
They're just going to pay them off, huh?

Speaker 1 I mean, they got to do something. I don't know what the Catholic Church loves paying people off.
I mean, they got plenty of fucking money.

Speaker 1 That's for fucking certain. I went to Catholic school growing up.
Oh, yes. And it was all run by Irish nuns, and they were crazy.
They're awful.

Speaker 1 There was a couple that were nice, but Sister Kathleen hated me. She gave me a detention for talking in the bathroom and sneezing.
And then Sister Dolores hit me.

Speaker 1 And I never really talk about her hitting me because, you know, whatever. Yeah, I mean, it was just back in the day.
Yeah, it was all corporal punishment. I recently went back to the old St.

Speaker 1 Joan of Arc school. And I was like, I was like, oh, you know, just nostalgic.
I wanted to walk around the church because I haven't been there in like 20-something years or whatever.

Speaker 1 And so I'm walking around and I go into the store because the church has a store. And I go in the church.
I was like, you know, just like...

Speaker 1 Don't they already get enough fucking money from us every fucking week? Amen. You know, we don't need it.
You know, I agree with you.

Speaker 1 But I'm in the store and I'm sitting there like, yeah, you know, I used to go here. You know, what happened to the nuns? They're like, oh, Sister Ellen just passed away.

Speaker 1 I couldn't believe it because I thought she'd been dead forever. And I was like, oh, yeah.
And she told me some of them are still alive. I was like, that's amazing.

Speaker 1 I was like, what about Sister Dolores? And then that's the handwriting teacher that hit me without me saying anything. She's like, you know, they say that she hit the children.

Speaker 1 And I was like, she hit me. She hit me.

Speaker 1 I was one.

Speaker 1 Man,

Speaker 1 what do they say? What do they say to you? She was like, oh,

Speaker 1 wow.

Speaker 1 I was like, yeah, so I can go ahead and confirm that for for you. Give me $20.

Speaker 1 I want $20 right now. That's what I would say.
Don't you guys like giving out money to victims? Yeah, but they sent them all back to Ireland. I wonder if any of these chicks knew

Speaker 1 these women,

Speaker 1 which is very crazy. Yeah.
Yeah, 798 dead babies expected to be found. Do you think convents have competitions amongst themselves? How many babies they can rack up?

Speaker 1 I mean, this one takes the cake, I think. I don't know.
Wasn't there

Speaker 1 another one in Ireland that had like a thousand?

Speaker 1 And another one was a huge amount of babies, just like just the same thing, was just like a giant refuse pile of babies. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, I mean, it happens. It does happen.

Speaker 1 It happens, unfortunately. It happens.
It happens because

Speaker 1 no one took the time to look at this shit forever ago. No one's checking on these nuns.
You know, everyone just believes that. No, I get it.
No one tell me.

Speaker 1 And like, these kids are being born and they're not being logged. You know, I would like to get.
All right.

Speaker 1 A hundred years ago, this shit's different. If you want me back, Catholic church, hire me.

Speaker 1 I'm going to fucking get all these guys back into shape.

Speaker 1 I'm getting everybody back into shape. That's what I'm doing.

Speaker 1 All I want is I want my nuns to be lesbians for older women. I mean, they're a lot.

Speaker 1 I want my priests to either be unable to have sex due to issues, like literally they can't physically have sex, or they are so closeted and strange that even just touching another person will make them cry.

Speaker 1 That is how I want my priests. I want them so afraid of human touch and so afraid of human engagement that they would never do anything that bad.

Speaker 1 And they just keep to fucking making shit up every week on the back of

Speaker 1 that podium. Yeah.
Or that's why I'd say work on your sermon. Every single time you want to go suck something, go work on a sermon.
Also, I want chick priests.

Speaker 1 When these nuns, obviously, they're doing, they're too much. They're too bad.

Speaker 1 All I know is that I will say, chick priests is not going to keep altar boys from getting, from getting sucked on, unfortunately, because how many chicks have like

Speaker 1 there's been a whole rash of younger women teachers coming out being revealed that they've been like you know

Speaker 1 it always makes the news, but I guarantee there's way more men doing it.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 the men who do it, it's way more, it's kind of the opposite where there's men do it and it's a whole like obviously they're a predator and stuff.

Speaker 1 It's just until the last like 10 years that a hot female teacher can have sex with a 13-year-old and people are going to be like, you're a pedophile.

Speaker 1 Like, it's so hard for people to do that with one of those types of women, too, because it's taken so long for us to not go up to the 13-year-old and go like, yeah, kid, yeah.

Speaker 1 Now we know that, no, he was raped. Yes.
No, it was a big deal. Yeah.
So, yeah. So, of course, you know,

Speaker 1 don't go to Catholic school. Hey, if you could.
I mean, unless it's free. But some Catholic schools.

Speaker 1 No. But Catholic schools are better than some of the public schools in certain areas, but that doesn't mean you should go.

Speaker 1 I feel like then, when it comes down to it, school of hard knocks, join circus. You know,

Speaker 1 when I went to Catholic school, I eventually told my parents, like at sixth grade, I was like, listen, I'm going to fail on purpose if you don't send me to public school. No, you did a great

Speaker 1 and they sent me to public school. And you did the Gandhi.
That's Gandhi's version of passive resistance. It was easy to convince my father, too.
I was like, I want to go to free school.

Speaker 1 And he's like, you got it, son. I hate God just as much as anybody else, but not as much as this guy.

Speaker 1 Acorns and little eggs. Acorns and tree eggs.
So many people are focused on where their money is today. Me too.
Mine's in a bucket or covered with my filth.

Speaker 1 Acorns is the financial wellness app that cares about where your money is going tomorrow. Thanks, Acorns.
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Speaker 1 It's incapable of being president.

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Speaker 6 Are you ready to get spicy?

Speaker 1 These Doritos Golden Sriracha aren't that spicy.

Speaker 8 Maybe it's time to turn up the heat.

Speaker 1 Or turn it down. It's time for something that's not too spicy.
Try Doritos Golden Sriracha. Spicy, but not too spicy.

Speaker 1 Now, this guy, I wanted to talk a little bit about this guy. I don't know how this guy went under my radar.
is this an old story you told me about it today i haven't

Speaker 1 read the article so you got to tell me about it brand new uh adam christopher sheaff when he did this uh he he was from maricopa county

Speaker 1 she's from flagstaff arizona best city in arizona

Speaker 1 and he uh broke into a pastor's home and crucified him to his wall and then he pulled him off and then he found him dead in his bed wow it's bad

Speaker 1 i don't need to laugh i mean it's just a lot of effort. Yeah, I mean, you got to bring a stud finder.
Oh, God, that's the worst part. Yeah, I'm so bad at that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because it keeps pointing back to me. Hey, hey.
Now, William Schoenerman was dead.

Speaker 1 But the thing is that is really intense is that it's the statement from

Speaker 1 Schieff

Speaker 1 that is truly upsetting.

Speaker 1 I'm going to send this to you,

Speaker 1 Rob. I forgot to send this to you.

Speaker 9 So when did this plan come to fruition? You're thinking about this. You want to carry out this

Speaker 9 hit list? Yes. A hit list.

Speaker 10 Sure.

Speaker 9 14 pastors.

Speaker 10 That's right. Around the nation.
Just surround the nation.

Speaker 9 Starting in Arizona?

Speaker 10 Starting in Arizona where I was born. Where it starts is where it ends, like the Garden of Eden.
I start in Phoenix where I was born on this life.

Speaker 10 And I'm going to end in Phoenix where I was baptized, which I don't appreciate, when I was three years old by my parents. You know, I'm baptized in a belief that is completely false.

Speaker 9 So you get to Phoenix.

Speaker 10 I get to Phoenix. I just set up a tent under a tree on Olive Street, and I followed that priest home Sunday after Easter service.

Speaker 10 And when he pulled into his driveway, the two women came out of the garage. I'm not interested in executing anyone other than the pastors or the shepherds leading the flock astray.

Speaker 10 I need to find pastors or priests. that live alone.

Speaker 1 See, yeah, he's intense. So this guy is real, real intense.
His plan was to crucify 14 pastors. Okay.

Speaker 1 He only got to one. He only got to one.
You know, it takes a lot of time. It makes a lot of noise.
Because it's just, and it sounded like it was really hard.

Speaker 1 And he said that his main issue, his car broke down. No.

Speaker 1 He said that was like super, which is again, and that is the thing that people always forget, auto maintenance. Yeah, no.

Speaker 1 And how if you got big plans in life, it's super important you stay on top of it. That's why we think our partners over at Nissan that we're going to be giving Sheef a brand new Nissan

Speaker 1 Priest Finder. Have you seen this? These Nissan Priest Finders are one of the coolest fucking new things in the world.
Nissan Ultimatum. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But the, I did say people like this guy. People like this pastor.

Speaker 1 And. Was he was beloved? He seems like a nice guy.
He actually looks like a nice guy. They all say that they were beloved.
He's got that cool hat. He did that little Santa Claus beard.
He is adorable.

Speaker 1 He does look like he's sorry that he got killed. He didn't didn't need to be crucified.
No, no. He looked like he was just easy to catch.
I mean,

Speaker 1 I think that

Speaker 1 that's what the man was going for.

Speaker 1 But, you know, he was foiled. He couldn't, he can't crucify again.
Well, unless a priest comes to prison. God.
There's plenty of priests in prison. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 That's a fun day. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's a funny day. You know, if there's a priest in the prison as a prisoner, they're definitely fucked.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 But the one that comes to give sermons, you know, I'm sure he'll be protected. He might be.
But Sheef says he wants the death penalty immediately. Oh.
So he's very much so.

Speaker 1 That is a man that was very sure of what he wanted in this life. Yeah.
And he made it happen for himself. And you know what I'll also say?

Speaker 1 It's kind of nice is that, like, yeah, obviously, like, no one's like super happy with this, but

Speaker 1 it showed that Adam Sheef, who was 51 years old, he made his dream happen at 51. Yeah, he had a goal.
And that's like the thing that a lot of people discount. Is that Hebrew? He just.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he does have some Hebrew on there.

Speaker 1 He's got a lot of mixed messaging in his tattoos.

Speaker 1 He's angry. I don't think he was thinking about the overarching theme of his tattoos when he was getting them.

Speaker 1 But I'll just say

Speaker 1 you can start at 51. Yeah.
And that's, I think that's the biggest thing you could get out of the story. Yeah, I mean, you know, Gene Hackman started in his 40s.
You know, I mean, he's a good one.

Speaker 1 Grandma Moses. Grandma Moses.
Roger. He started killing pastors when she was 77.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, that was huge.
Like, that's that's crazy. This guy is very serious.

Speaker 1 I'm surprised this isn't a bigger story. I think that people.
If he would have got another one, it would have been

Speaker 1 just one more. And somebody would have cared.
God, I just

Speaker 1 got one more. Yeah, man.
This is very, this is wild. I can't believe this man did this.
I mean, he crucified him in his own home. Crucify him.

Speaker 1 See, when you say crucify, though, I would expect a crucifix. No, you see, crucifixion, I think that that's why it's kind of like

Speaker 1 not fully there. Yeah,

Speaker 1 yeah, yeah. That's you know, because yeah, obviously, Eddie, yeah, you should add a crucifix.
You got it. That would be cool.
It definitely takes more time. Oh, and it, but I'd leave in him even more.

Speaker 1 That's for certain. Yeah, I believe in him for him.

Speaker 1 Yeah. No, I think, yeah, also, you got to get some tall trees in the backyard.
If you're going to crucify someone and not get caught, you know, you got to make sure that there's some coverage.

Speaker 1 Can I get some privacy bushes here? Yeah. I've been really, really good.
I just kind of want to get a... I plan on starting a crucifixion.

Speaker 1 And I want to start, though, you know, the first crucifixion will just be animals. Let me ask you something.
It seems to me too tall. But have you started your crucifixion yet?

Speaker 1 Because if you haven't, I'd love to help kind of consult on that. Yeah, we do a lot of gardening, but we also do a lot of religious-based tortures as well.

Speaker 1 Yeah, are these, is this a, are you considering a rope crucifixion or a nail?

Speaker 1 I want to nail that fucker. I want to nail him to the fucking stick.
No problem. We could do that.

Speaker 1 Well, you know we're gonna look at a bit of it you know it might you know increase some of our costs but

Speaker 1 now do you need romans yeah i hate italians

Speaker 1 um all right you want to tell that silly story yes yeah tell a silly story

Speaker 1 see this is light good-hearted fun for me oh yeah the fil all right so this is a dart pro used oh yeah um this is a great story um there was a man who won a controversial um dart

Speaker 1 contest, a dart contest. And how he won was controversial.
Because he loaded up stinky farts on the man, on his opponent, and then he won.

Speaker 1 Because everyone knows you like the smell of your own, but you don't like the smell of someone else's. But this is truly, it's devastating.
It's not illegal, I don't think. They can't, they can't.

Speaker 1 They're trying to fight him now because they're saying that he won the championship. They're like trying to strip him of it.
I say he's the champion now, but you can make a rule for the future.

Speaker 1 if there is any sport where crop dusting as a an offensive measure or defensive measure i think it's more defensive measure yes and it's not darts then i don't want to watch darts or be a part of darts that is a bar sport yeah that hinges on farts being loud as a part of it.

Speaker 1 It's the only sport that you can smoke and drink. Yes.
And while you're doing, and you could smoke. The old days.
Have you ever? I've fallen into holes of watching old dart competitions.

Speaker 1 That's pretty great. I love watching all.

Speaker 1 And it's just nothing like seeing a big, fat, crooked-toothed cockney bastard, just like no physical, big, huge gut, sucking on a beer snine, and just fucking beat a champion. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, like, it's incredible. It's incredible life.
Now, can we play one of these videos? Yeah, yeah. So, this is the first time that he did it a couple years ago.

Speaker 1 And this is the first clip of that.

Speaker 1 James Wade in Peter Wright.

Speaker 1 He's smiling. He is smiling from here.

Speaker 1 His competitor looks like Anne Burrell.

Speaker 1 That's where she was. So James Wade won it.
And James Wade, he kind of described if you can't really hear it necessarily, but you can hear it a little bit. We'll maybe pump it up after.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he throws the darts in, and then as he's walking toward to collect his darts, he lays a massive fart on his competitor. It's a juicy one.
Yeah, you could tell. The competitor's me, he's angry.

Speaker 1 Like, you can see him. He goes, ah, fuck.
And the smile, the sweet, satisfied smile on his face. So now, this is the second time he's done this.

Speaker 1 The second time is a little more offensive, I have to say. As someone who's a fan of this guy immediately,

Speaker 1 I will say the second time he did it was a little egregious. Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You see, he like holds the table on that one. You know, he really braces himself.

Speaker 1 Yeah, see, that's the problem with that one. I think that it's too much of a setup.
The other one was so. It was mid-stride.
You can almost feel like I had to fire it apart.

Speaker 1 What are you going to do? I was holding it in since the last go. But this one, he like took time, went over to the side, gripped the corner of the table, and then laid it loose.

Speaker 1 So that is, I would say.

Speaker 1 The second one I don't agree with. That's the closest I put towards

Speaker 1 like that. He's messing with stuff.
I feel like the second one is what got him in trouble. I think so.
I think the first one was brilliant. Yeah, the first one was well done.
And this is just too on.

Speaker 1 You know what this is?

Speaker 1 You know what this is?

Speaker 1 This is deflate gate, but for darts. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right.
Because they all do it. Yeah.
Right? They all do it, right? Everyone was doing the deflate gate stuff.

Speaker 1 Everybody was messing with the balls. Everyone's doing this stuff.
These guys fart and shit on top of each other all day long. There's no way that they don't.

Speaker 1 It's all about the egregiousness and making an example out of someone.

Speaker 1 And so when it comes down to it, is that if you are the best of the best and you're still farting, then we really have to think about this. Did Tom, did Tom need

Speaker 1 to really go that far in deflating the balls? I mean, it helped him. It made him a little bit better.
But everybody does it. And he won.
Yeah. So it's not everybody deal.

Speaker 1 I mean, honestly, I don't think it's unless you put in the rules, no farting. Also, if you put no farting in the rules, then go fuck yourself also.
This is a drunk. I can't fucking fart.

Speaker 1 This is a drunken sport. But I.
Peer farts are a real thing. I legitimately, if I was UK and I am,

Speaker 1 I would sit outside of the DART competition. I would do this legitimately.
There should be a square. taped on the ground where you can fart.
Oh, interesting.

Speaker 1 And you can go and fart and burp and curse or do whatever, smoke your cigar in the smelly square. And you go into the smelly square and you hang out there and you could do that.

Speaker 1 You can do all that while you get it all out. And then you go back into the darts because then I think now you're going to need a fart ref.
Yes.

Speaker 1 I mean, now you're going to need a guide because, again, that's flagrant. Can you say that? I'm going to call that a flagrant.
That was a flagrant fart. A fragrant.
Fragrant.

Speaker 1 Fragrant, flagrant. Yes.

Speaker 1 But I'm not.

Speaker 1 But I'm also not angry with him. Because you know what? My daddy taught me.
Win. A W is a W.
That's right. That's what my fucking daddy said.

Speaker 1 My daddy said, fucking, you get up a winner and you have that trophy, and then all the losers can fucking eat your fart juice. Yeah, no, he is a champion.
And you can't say he's not a champion.

Speaker 1 That's champion behavior. Yeah, no, no, he's a winner.
I appreciate that. That's a champion fucking behavior.
Never stop digging. Never stop going for that itch.
Never trying to make that cut.

Speaker 1 You gotta make that cut. Yep.
So I'm with you buddy congrats i'm real pretty thank you james wade

Speaker 1 come on in like you i would invite you in if i was wasn't worried about you farting so much oh no we're having him over zoom yeah you're he's a zoom he's a zoom he's a zoom interview nothing can we get an interview with him i could try i'll reach out to him let's get an because i'd actually love to know more about i think that professional darts are the funniest of all of them he's pretty big i don't know if we can get him but i'll try the professional darts because you also because have you seen the professional corn hole Oh, I love professional cornhole.

Speaker 1 The guy with no legs? I didn't see it. I don't know about that.
The champion or cornhole right now is a guy with no legs. Am I left foot guy? No, he is a right foot.
This guy has got nothing.

Speaker 1 This guy ain't got nothing. He's nothing but stumps.
Oh, yeah. He's all hands and arms.
Oh, which is the only thing you need for cornhole.

Speaker 1 Is he in a chair? He had no hands and arms either. Nope.
Interesting. I didn't know that.
No hands, no legs. Cornhole champion.
Wow.

Speaker 1 The man is literally all torso and dick. Whoa.
And he is a champion cornholder. He's better than any one of you.
Well, he's he's closer to the hole. No, he's not.
He's the same line.

Speaker 1 It's the same amount of line. He's on the same line.
It's the same line.

Speaker 1 Look at that. Oh, I didn't know he had no hands, too.
That's what I'm saying. No hands, dude.
Oh, he's got no hands. No, oh, yeah.
Look at him flip that shit. I mean, he'll make your wife come.

Speaker 1 I would feel so bad beating this guy. No, you can't because he fucking, that's what he's using against you.
He beats everybody else, though. Yeah.
He's using it against you.

Speaker 1 And he just got another one. And he jumps forward, too.
I don't think, I think this guy's no, they're allowed. It's look at the other guy because he's carrying it across the line anyway.

Speaker 1 With that, your foot can't cross the line. He's whole, everything crosses.
But not until after the thing's released. It's not until after the cord hole's released.
Buckets, though, dude. Come on.

Speaker 1 Yeah, bitch. I think he's cheating.

Speaker 1 You're going to fucking walk up to the man with no hands and no legs that is fucking crushing it every day. Is this more of your

Speaker 1 extreme pedophile humor?

Speaker 1 Where you would laugh at this man with no hands and legs as he's wiping the floor not just with his shirt where he's wiping the floor with the competition i would honestly though he's on the ground if the farter went against him he would definitely win you might because he's right at fart level yeah he does he's right there

Speaker 1 oh my god i think that

Speaker 1 Oh my god, we got to bring them together. We do.
This is also if they could do it as a team, too. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. This would be amazing.
Dayton Weber. Shout outs to you, Dayton Weber.

Speaker 1 Dayton Weber, dude. What a fucking champion, man.
He really is. I was making fun, but he is a fucking champion.
No, he is a fucking deck. Look at that stack of money.
It's cornhole money. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 He's got a big old necklace. I love this.
Yeah, of course, dude. Of course he does.
Hell yeah. Good morning.

Speaker 1 This man made, like, that's insane. That's fucking crazy that he can do that.
How did he lose his limbs?

Speaker 1 Apparently, it was just irresponsibility. Squad amputee.
So there's a story there for sure. We'll try to get him too.

Speaker 1 I want them together. We should have a sports.
We should have a sports roundtable where we talk to all of these sportsmen. I'd like this.
Talk to this style.

Speaker 1 Because Joey Chestnut's coming back this year. Joey Chestnut's going to be fucking champion again.
I can't wait. It's time for...
I just knew that C was empty for far too long.

Speaker 1 I will say, when Tyson came back, not as good. No.
Jordan came back, not as good.

Speaker 1 Jordan was distracted by all the gambling and getting his father killed.

Speaker 1 And then the stuff with, I mean, Joey Chestnut, I don't don't know. Does the muscle relax? I don't know.
Well, he's, I didn't realize how much of a champion he really was.

Speaker 1 I thought it was just a hot dog thing. I didn't realize he owned like

Speaker 1 dozens of food consumption titles.

Speaker 1 No, he's good at it.

Speaker 1 He's got clams, all that shit. Big fucking tubes, dude.
Yeah, he sucks it down. Shrimp? No.

Speaker 1 What food item do you think you could take, you can go hard on? I can't eat fast, but I can eat. That's like, I don't like the speed.
Yeah. But for amount,

Speaker 1 I can guarantee. I have eaten.

Speaker 1 I can eat a pound of shrimp just me. Yeah.
I bet you I could eat five.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, I think. I think I could eat three to five pounds of shrimp.
I think shrimp might be the thing I can do the most of. And chicken, and chicken wings.
Chicken wings.

Speaker 1 See, chicken wings, I get full. Shrimp,

Speaker 1 I can just keep going. I almost don't ever get full on chicken wings.
I'm always slightly hungry after I've eaten a basket of chicken wings. Really? Yeah.
Wow. I eat a bunch more.

Speaker 1 I definitely get full on chicken wings, but I think shrimp, I mean, should we do this? No. I would love to take you on.

Speaker 1 We should talk about this for Summerham. Summer ham.
Yeah. Shrimp contest.
Yes. Yeah, because Summerham, we skipped Summerham last year, and I don't think we're going to have time to do it this year.

Speaker 1 No, but I'm bringing it on a whole thing. It's going to be one of our big phase three, 2026.
2026. Yeah.
2026.

Speaker 1 No, we're doing Summerham. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. So keep your eyes peeled.
Henry and I are going to have a sandwich-based competition. I guess shrimp pow boys could be in there.

Speaker 1 I just want shrimp in there. Now I just want shrimp.
Yeah. Now I want shrimp.
This has been a very food-heavy. It was coming from you, and now you infected me with a.
I ate before coming here.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, no, no. I seven.

Speaker 1 Listen, we got to end this. We have to.

Speaker 1 It has to.

Speaker 1 I'll just get to these letters next week. Yeah.
I'll get to these letters next week. I got a couple of letters here, but we had so many fun stories that I wanted to get to them.

Speaker 1 We even forgot about the angry beekeeper and the who was driving drunk, and the cops pulled him over, and then he leashed his bees on them. Yeah, which is an amazing ability.

Speaker 1 I mean, that's the whole story. That's the only story.
She's like, get them bees.

Speaker 1 Yes, my mighty bees they rise the bees they rise like that's amazing he got them too oh yeah of course kips cops ran that is the i will say again we ain't giving you a lot of tips here bees fuck cops up yeah yeah yeah yeah and so if you've got hundreds of bees

Speaker 1 There's a lot of stuff you can do. Keep them in your car.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 They have to be ready to load it. They can be loaded and angry.
Wasps are better.

Speaker 1 No, wasps actually are not better. What do you mean? They're not better.
Wasps are not better. Biggers are better for it.
For attack? I believe.

Speaker 1 For a big crowd of them. Yeah.
Wasps are more angry than beers. Side stories, L-POT, L-G-M-L-E.
Bees are friends. I know that, but I also don't know what you...
Let me just ask. Yes.

Speaker 1 Let me ask the veterinarians that are trying to find a way to get away with veterans. They're better cops.
They're fucking old. I'll tell you that one.
I know. I know, anyway.

Speaker 1 Entomologists can be a little younger, but I would appreciate it. Live every day trying to be the youngest entomologist that's ever been.

Speaker 1 Love the fact that you're nine and you love bugs and you don't want to get married to a 39-year-old man unless he's really ready to commit. Right?

Speaker 1 Because you're not laughing at his extreme pedophile humor. You came all the way from the Ukraine to get married.

Speaker 1 And now you're angry because you're in Florida and it's hot and you want to get back to the war.

Speaker 1 And you are sick and tired of being in this hotel room because it's facing the parking lot. And you hate the view.
And I get it. So, sorry, nine-year-old.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Listen, we're going to be in Atlanta this weekend. Come out to the side story shows at Dad's Garage sold out.
Sold out. You're fucked.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 But the night before, on the 28th of June, this is, I think, Saturday night. We're going to be at the Coca-Cola Roxy in Atlanta.
Come check us out. Henry and I got a show

Speaker 1 at Wise Guys in Salt Lake City on July 11th. And then the following night, we're going to be doing last podcast in Eleft at Sandy Amphitheater on July 12th.

Speaker 1 August 7th, Asheville Orange Peel selling out fast, Asheville. Love you, Asheville.
Can't wait. Yeah, so if you haven't, if you want to go to...
We're almost fully sold out.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that one's actually almost done. So get in there now.

Speaker 1 September 21st, Henry and I are going to be at Truman Hall in Kansas City. Crimewave at c.com slash left to go on our cruise.
We're going to have a lot of fun there.

Speaker 1 That starts on 11 3rd out of Fort Lauderdale. November 3rd out of Fort Lauderdale.
And November 30th, Henry and I will be in Columbus at the Newport Music Music Hall, having a blast there.

Speaker 1 Truly, and just so you know, uh, this week is a big week for me on LPN. I'm on a special nerd of mouth uh this week, and I'm also going to be on page seven this week.

Speaker 1 So, uh, keep a keep a listen out for that. Fuck yeah, and go and check out all our new YouTube channels: LPN TV, The Foreign Report, LPN Romanticy, who's the Be,

Speaker 1 and we we have so much stuff coming out for you guys. Go on all the Insta socials and all the horse shit, and we will see you next week.
All right, bye, you dirty fuckers. Buy you, fuckers.

Speaker 1 You're so dirty, you fucker.

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Speaker 6 Are you ready to get spicy?

Speaker 1 These Doritos Golden Sriracha aren't that spicy.

Speaker 6 Sriracha? Sounds pretty spicy to me.

Speaker 1 Um, a little spicy, but also tangy and sweet.

Speaker 8 Maybe it's time to turn up the heat.

Speaker 1 Or turn it down.

Speaker 1 It's time for something that's not too spicy. Try Dorito's Golden Sriracha.

Speaker 6 Spicy.

Speaker 1 But not too spicy.