Side Stories: Sole Survivor

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There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast.
On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started.
Side stories. Yes.
Also got some people wrote a very emotional letter about Ska. Yes.
A lot of people saying, a lot of people have comparing, interestingly, comparing ska to funk, saying that they're both music that incorporates rock music and, you know, horn instruments. That's where they're wrong.
Cause ska is bad. Yes.
But it's just a very interesting, uh, yin and yang thing going on there. But I i don't think so i think it's yin and then the music that sucks i think it's the yin that's good music and i think that the yang is music that sucks here's the problem with ska is that it's just so easy to make fun of that i mean everything that is the real problem with ska i don't even think i hate it it's very vulnerable like making fun of it yes and that's what they even said i got several very impassioned defenses of ska since the last episode and everybody says the same thing it's you're attacking a vulnerable person it's like pushing piglet down yeah it's like grabbing winnie the pooh by his by his penis and swinging him around and stuff like that.
It's like going up to Joe Biden. It's hard to get Winnie the Pooh's penis.
It's hard. You gotta get through the hair.
It's like going up to Joe Biden while he's on set with Reacher because he went to go visit set on Jack Reacher today for some reason and he got lost. He did.
He actually got lost. But it's trying to just tell him that's not Jack jack reacher that's an actor because he's still going like let me be clear jack you're a big guy oh big guy you want to handle my wife hey there i just want to see mr reacher again i call you mr reacher i just want to say it's me joe me joe joe biden i just gotta say you know i'm just so glad for your service and you gotta be the biggest guy biggest guy I've seen since.
Are you my son? His son was with him. No, well, his son.
No, I thought his son had to have an ankle monitor on now. Hunter was with him.
Oh, good for him. Oh, yeah.
Hunter's free, bro. Yeah.
But yeah, I don't think that. I mean, Joe Biden is just he's hanging on on set.
Yeah. No, he was in a restaurant and they were shooting next to the restaurant.
And he kind of stumbled outside. Oh, let me go and see over there.
Hey there, Jack. Holy shit, that's Biden.
Hey there, Jack. I don't think I...
You want to check out my Corvette, Jack? You're big, big Ford. Oh, you're a big boy.
Oh, tell me. Oh, I'm going to slap some breasts on you.
Can I transition you? Let me smile your child. My name's Joe Biden.
I want to transition you. All right, come here.
I want to turn to you on a lady I can kiss. Come on, come here closer.
Where's my wife? Where's Jill? She died. She died five years ago.
Welcome to Side Stories. My name is Henry Zebrowski with the incredibly relevant Joe Biden at the Jack Reacher set sketch that I just performed.
Congratulations, buddy. You're really coming back into sketch comedy.
Oh, every day I think about, ooh, when's the world ready for my Joe? When's the world ready for my Joe Biden? I don't know. And I'm sitting here with Ed Larson.
How you doing? What's going on? I'm super excited. This Friday coming up, we have the seance.
Yes, we might as well plug it out right now. Gotta do it at the front.
It's the biggest thing we've ever done. 9 p.m.
PST June 20 20th. It is on our YouTube for free at LPN-TV.
Come and check it out. It is going to be a very, very interesting night.
We're going to be hanging out with Exorcist R.H. Stavis.
Yeah. And this is going to be very, very interesting.
We have a lot of VIPs in the crowd as well. You're bringing, including the Haunted Ouija Board.
Oh, yes. I'm going going to bring my haunted Ouija board.
We are going to see what's attached to it. We don't know if there's a haunted Ouija board in the box because apparently you've never opened it.
No, why would I? But when I opened it, when I just took the box, I just didn't even think about it. I was going to open up the box.
But then when I had it in my house, that was when I had all the weird slimes, all the stuff I talked about, all stuff. Yeah.
And I never got to take it out of the cardboard box. So I just left it in it.
And we're going to unbox it live. Oh, everyone loves an unboxing video.
I'm glad we're doing those now. But it's a haunted unboxing.
It's a haunted unboxing. Honestly, just check it out because it's going to be for free.
Do you think would be a good uh unboxing video with like a you know like a grave robber i mean i think that's a sketch that's already been done that is definitely a sketch that's out there yeah i've never seen it there is no way you know what i'd like to see an unboxer at like uh the back of a dumpster of an abortion clinic no i've seen that yeah just because, wee, wee, wee. Oh, this one's still kicking.
Wee, wee. Let me get my pike.
Are you afraid at all for the seance? No. You scared? What are you going to do if, like, Ghost shows up? Are you going to talk to it? Are you scared of it? I'm going to get to subscribe to the show, lesspodcastontheleft.com.
You're going to want to go to, I mean, Apple. You're going to go to your app.
You're going to take out your podcast app as a ghost and i'm gonna subscribe you i got a ghost app i downloaded for yeah the ghost box yeah yeah i got it for the uh for to see if i see anything while we're there no the ghost box that's mostly where i put my career my acting career we also have some side story shows we are got 7 11 we're gonna be the salt lake city wise. 8-7 with the Asheville Orange Peel.
9-21. Casey Truman going to give old big boy right here some Joe's Barbecue from delicious, delicious, delicious Joe's Barbecue.
Okay, so we're doing Joe's. Oh, yeah.
Okay, good. People have been sending me recommendations.
They're wrong. That wasn't on the list.
No, Joe's Barbecue at the gas station. That's the one we're going to.
You're making me eat at a gas station? It is a gas station that got so popular with the barbecue that it turned into a restaurant. You're going to love it.
Do they still sell gas? Only buy the cup. But that's what's so delicious.
And then 1024, you can thank Trump for that oil. 1024, Redding, California.
We're going to be back at the Mateel Community Center. Bring weed.
Yes. Can't wait.
Tickets aren't available yet, but we are coming. They should be ready next week or something like that.
November 3rd through 7th, Crime Wave at Sea. We're going to have a lot of fun with the Sinisterhood Gals and a couple other rowdy rowdy individuals.
It's going to be fun time at sea. And then come see us November 30th, Columbus, Ohio Ohio we're coming to Epstein country and we can't wait to meet your Wexler Nation buddies that's right the Newport Music Hall the Sunday after Thanksgiving will be in Columbus Ohio everybody's favorite day to go out so come and check us out there we're gonna have a good time and I just want to give a quick I'm doing another dog benefit another dog benefit I'm doing another dog benefit.
Oh, whoa. I don't even know why.
Another dog benefit. I'm doing another dog benefit.
Is that not a conflict? Not anymore. Well, the other one's done.
That's right. The other one's done.
This one's going to be on Tuesday. If you're in North Hollywood, please come check me out.
7 p.m. Haley's Wines on Lancashire.
20% of wine sales go to Maison Shore. And Maison Shore is, of course, the- Maison Shore.
Maison Shore. That is the rescue where I got Harley from.
Okay so you're double dipping. Yeah I'm double dipping.
Well you can. I'm performing.
But we're not but we already had one with one. It's like they don't consider this to be like cheating.
Who I mean they actually it seemed like they might have not been there when they realized that I did a benefit for the other competing dog fostering company. Well they didn't ask for it first this is all about one of those things you've got to fight.
You've got to fight for your own dog. This one's not going to make that much money.
So if you can, please come out. $10 suggested donation and buy some wine.
Buy some wine. Split it with your dog.
Have you ever looked up dog wine? Does it exist? Dog wine is one of the silliest. There's a whole industry.
I thought greats are bad for dogs. Nope.
Not when it's wine. If you go to Pet Wine Shop, Eddie, we sat the other night and we just laughed.
If you watch this, so you can sit, like this is Zinfantail, right? This is dog wine. And the way that it is for the loneliest people that you have ever, look at the pictures of this.
Do you drink it as well? Yes. You can drink it.
But it's also if you have a glass of wine and you are so, which again, we have our lonely listeners. I love our lonely listeners.
I would love to get to some dog wine. Buy some.
Petwine.com. You can go to Petwine.com.
Share a glass of wine with your dog. I don't think she can handle it, to be honest with you.
Go watch a sunset. We're not sponsored by them.
We're not sponsored by them. No, and they're not getting your dog drunk.
They're not getting them drunk. It's just wine that you can share with the dog while you're having wine so you don't feel alone.
Watching a sunset. If you're at a funeral.
If you're outside a buffet waiting to go in when you're pre-gaming before the buffet in your car. You can split a wine.
You drink wine in your car before the buffet? I'm pre-gaming. I'm having fun inside my car in my parking lot.
Okay. This is my time.
You don't own the parking lot unless you own the buffet. I own the car in which that I'm in the air of which is in the parking lot.
So the air within the car is free air in which I can drink. Man, I got- And so can my dog.
My dog, I got Wendy, got her little shablark. And then I got a Zinfantail, the Zinfantail for Carmi because she likes a white.
Did you really buy this stuff? No. Oh, okay.
No, Natalie and I aren't ready. Yeah, I think you should.
We've been talking about it because it's all like, enjoy it while you're watching television. When's Natalie's birthday? April 18th.
Fuck. I'm not going to remember that.
Nope. But you don't sit and enjoy.
Are you relaxing at night? If you're outside, you don't have a glass of wine with your dog. If you're about to go to a protest like we did.
Yes. I went to the protest.
I brought the two little dogs. They loved it.
I went. I got my iced coffee.
I went to the riot. I beat a cop.
I laughed. I came back.
Me and the dogs. I kissed a cop.
Yeah, that was cool. But it was still assault.
Yeah. Don't worry.
That's the thing. It was cool.
It was the way you did it. They weren't expecting it.
No, no. But then they did slide in.
Man. They got used to the water.
Water's fine. It's so funny.
We talked about it for a little bit last week about how, you know, like the LAPD, like, beats us fine. We don't need the national.
They really have turned it up. They really have.
They really have. They understood.
They're so good at this. They're like showing off for the Marines right now.
We don't need the competition. Okay.
We don't need... I don't need anybody hedging in on my stuff here.
Man, I really had a nice time at the riot. I got...
The riot was nice. I brought an iced coffee.
I was chilling. I held someone else's sign.
I barely did anything, and people were calling me a hero. It was awesome.
I loved being a hero for doing nothing. Nothing at all.
I didn't do shit. I walked through there.
I danced around. I was dancing with a lady for a while.
I was dancing to a weird old man. You started some fake chants? I did, yeah.
Hey ho, hey ho, this penis party's got to go. Hey hey, ho ho, this penis party's got to go.
Well, that's from PCU. Yes.
Kumbaya, my lord. Yeah, it is.
Kumbaya. Go to sleep.
Go the fuck to sleep. PCU is really one of the great movies.
The only time I can really stand Jeremy Piven. It's the only movie he was good in.
It's the only single thing he was ever good in. I think that is the truth.
Yes, unfortunately. Well, maybe Very Bad Things.
Yeah, I like Very Bad Things. Very Bad Things is good.
I enjoy that movie. I've actually, I wanted to start really quickly by a little bit of a list of what I've been watching because someone asked me recently have you watched anything good? And I have.
It is The Ugly Step Sister. It's amazing.
You do need to go see it and also. And what is The Ugly Step Sister? It's a film.
It's about the perspective of the Cinderella story from one of the ugly stepsisters. Okay.
And she has to do all these body mod shit in order to get hot enough for her mom. It's fucking- It's fucked up.
Does she get hot? I don't know. It's fucked up.
Is it a happy ending? No. Nothing's happy about it.
It's a brutal movie. It's really, really brutal.
It's going to make you squirm. Norwegian.
Norwegian. Norwegian.
Does Cinderella make it? Yeah, of course. Cinderella's fine.
Oh, she's fine. Is she the bad guy in this? No, she's just more of a Cinderella is born great.
Okay. It doesn't matter what happens to Cinderella.
How about the fairy godmother? You got to watch it. Now I'm just explaining it.
Is the fairy godmother in it?

You gotta see it. Alright.
I'm just gonna put it

in there. It's very very good.
And also

I want you to shut this podcast

off right now. Goodbye.

I want you to go to your

we're not remotely affiliated

with this. No.
But Predator Killer of

Killers is one of the coolest fucking things

I have seen in a long time.

That is one of my favorite

adult cartoons I have

ever seen. That shit is fucking

I'm not 10 of them. Really? It's like anthologies of different predators fucking attacking new people.
It's great. It's so good.
And does it take place like over, like is it in the past, like the last one? All over the place. Really? It's all across the timeline.
It's fucking great. So like one of them's like against a caveman or something? Semi-sorta.
Cool. It's pretty great.
Is there one in the future? No, not yet. Wow.
They're working on it. Is the Predator from the future? I don't know, but the Predator does enjoy himself a couple of goblins of dog wine before he goes to sleep.
It's a bit of a spoiler. Yes.
And we also, we went to the movies and we saw dangerous animals.

Saw a lot of stuff.

That was fun.

The shark serial killer movie.

Really great movie.

I had a really good time with it.

That guy was scary.

He was.

And also I am, we're bringing back Flag Day.

I did my first ever commemorative Flag Day party.

And Flag Day is going to be the new party. I forgot my gay Florida flag.

This is the new, it's the new party. Fuck July 4th.
Yeah. Flag Day.
Flag Day. You know what's next about Flag Day? There's nothing in there.
It's literally about the piece of fabric that is the flag. Yes.
It's not even about what the flag means or what any flag means. It's about fabric.
Is it about flags or the American flag? It's about the American flag. It's about the day that we chose the American flag.
It's a dumb holiday. It doesn't make any sense.
That's a stupid thing. Flag doesn't know.
How can a flag have a birthday? It's just a flag. It's a piece of fabric.
It doesn't know. It doesn't exist.
It doesn't have a mind. 1777, we picked the flag.
So every June 14th, we're going to get together. We're going to have a flag day party.
We're taking it back. We're taking back wearing the American flag, ironically, like we did in the aughts.
I'm bringing it. I don't care.
I like it. I got lots of American flag stuff.
Me too. I'm ready to wear it.
It's time to have it come back out of the fucking woodwork. It's our flag.
We got to take it back. Fight for the flag.
Just the flag. Don't care about the rest of the country.
Don't care about the troops. Hate the president.
Hate the Pope. Love the flag.
The piece of fabric that is the flag. That's it.
Now, is the pope still American or is the pope now Vatican-y? Oh, he's American. He's American.
Yeah, we got him now. We got a Vatican.
We got the Vatican now. But I'm saying, like, you know, once you become the pope, are you still an American? Yeah.
Yeah, he's still got him. They always do a thing where it was like, John Paul would have to go down to Porschka or whatever he'd be and go like and then the other guy would go kiss the road to Auschwitz.
He'd go to Auschwitz and go like, thank you, everybody. I love this place.
I miss this place. I used to summer here.
And then the newest pope, small-footed pussy pope, he also, I believe, would talk a lot about empanadas. Yes.
So that was like what he covered. What is this? What are you showing me? Oh, the United States.
Oh, it's from you and Peru. Oh, it's from Peru.
And then now he's a Vatican City resident as well. Good for her.
Robert Francis Provost probably gets, I think that they get rates at the Vatican Disney. Oh, he's 69.
Yeah, he gets like the local rate, which is actually pretty great. Have you been to Disney Vatican? Have you heard about that place? No, I haven't.
I would love to go to Disney Vatican. I've been on Spaceship Earth.
I'm going to put it this way. The shrieks don't come from the ruts.
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But that's not the only thing we're covering here today. What are we covering? We have a lot of, we got a lot of stuff, Eddie.
We do have a lot of stuff. There's one big story I feel like we got to talk about, even though I don't want to.
I'm going to talk about it because it's it's fucked up so now uh vance belter this was the uh i'm gonna say the chad daybell-esque bodied man that killed minnesota house of representatives melissa hortman and her husband i believe the shot melissa hortman shot her husband i believe her husband is alive no they they he both of them died and he he also wounded State Senator John Hoffman and his wife, Yvette. Yes.
So he wounded a senator as well. Vance Belter should have changed his name to Vance Suspenderer because he's shaped like an egg that is out of shape.
He was trying to kill a lot more people people too. Yeah, he was a failure at that.
So he had a bit of a scrawled manifesto. We now know that Vance Belter went to these various homes of these political representatives.
He went to one house of another Democratic leader and they were not home. And so then he went to the Hoffman house and then he went to another house where a police SUV saw him there he ran away and then he finally went to the final senator's home that he shot and he went on.
He was dressed like a police officer. He had a silicon mask much like the town.
Remember the movie The Town? Yes. It's very scary looking mask.
It's scary. He walked in he knocked on the door.
He opened it up. He shined a flashlight in their eyes.
He claimed to be the police. They knew he wasn't the police immediately.
And he opened fire. Now, we know that in the very, very beginnings, they were trying to spin it like he was some kind of Marxist.
They were trying to talk about how the representative Hoffman did some vote stripping the health care from undocumented citizens.

And he's basically saying, oh, they at first were trying to say, oh, he's a Marxist guy that because he's so left that he wanted to kill these people. Utterly incorrect.
He's a full trumper. He wrote a little manifesto with a list of his other targets.
Did you read the manifesto? I know you love manifestos. I do.
And it was so hard. You couldn't get it.
It was also not. It was more of a to do list.
And it was the things that he wanted to go and several other people that he wanted to murder. One, including Governor Tim Walz.
And they are. He did it fairly.
It's you know, it's it's fucked up. It's easy to do.
But he's also a total piece of shit that was obsessed with being a police officer. He outfitted his car to look like a police car.
He had lights on it. And this was all before this.
He had been doing this up to this point. If you ask his I'm going to say the saddest It's not hard to become a cop.
Actually, Eddie, it's not hard, but it's not easy either. It just keeps the lip just enough that somebody like this piece of shit can't be a cop yeah but it's also a lot of other pieces of shit that are pieces of shit for other reasons also then get to become cops if your roommate works at papa john's you shouldn't be a cop well one of the things i mean the idea i think one of the biggest crushing things of this whole thing is everyone's saying where's his manifesto where's his manifesto i saw his manifesto it was his 57 year old roommate that is enough if you're 60 and you have roommates and a wife also vans belter had a wife didn't have a wife they were all living together in the most delicious little home you could possibly imagine it looked like the candy home that the witch lived in that attracted those kids to it i'm wrong it is uh it.
It's a hovel. They live in a little hovel and they live.
We had this jaunty cowboy cap on. Remember when they saw him with the cowboy hat? But he was running back and forth.
But his roommate. When you're hiding from the police, it's always good to put on a cowboy hat.
A big hat. Big, big hat.
And that way they're not looking at me. They're looking at the hat.
It's like, no, no, no, no. You look like an idiot, sir.
And his, we all got to work. This isn't about the job, okay? But when you got live news in front of your home and you're the roommate of a brand new political assassin, I'm just going to say, don't throw your Papa's shirt on.
Yeah. I know you work at Papa's and you're proud of Papa J's and you like working for Papa John's, obviously, because you are probably mostly garlic sauce.
I imagine that most of his blood is garlic sauce. His hair looked like he was using it to style it.
That's for fucking certain. He is pepperoni grease if it was a human being.
I don't think this man has many shirt options. I'm just saying, if you've got a work shirt, keep it the work shirt.
We all are like this. We all got our work shirts.
We got our home shirts. He needs a different shirt.
The wicking isn't working. He's soaked.
He looks like he was dipped in fucking marinara sauce. This guy is disgusting.
And I'm ragging on him because it's another example of both him and the other one, both of the dumpers were what they called military enthusiasts. Now, they look like beanbag chairs.
Yes. But they called themselves military enthusiasts.

So these are the guys that like to cosplay.

They went and bought a bunch of assault rifles.

They bought all the gear.

When you saw Vance Belter,

he was covered in fucking gear.

Did you like gear?

When the fires came,

you bought a bunch of gear.

I mean, is that really a bad thing?

I like gear.

No, no, I like gear.

But it's this, it's calling yourself a military enthusiast when the most you could be is a human shield. Like the most that man, probably the best way that guy could serve our country is if we threw him in front of a bunch of people that were going to get killed instead.
And so this guy is a a these are they are both

the staunchly anti-abortion even though this man probably hasn't seen a vagina and since he was

born and the other one was a the his wife very very they're all very very anti-abortion they've

talked on all these various gun boards they were weirdly politically connected which led some other

people tossing shade around he did all this stuff but still in the end these guys went after unarmed

Thank you. they were weirdly politically connected which led some other people tossing shade around he did all this stuff but still in the end these guys went after unarmed people in their homes that is not what the military does why debatable hey you know what I mean if you're a military enthusiast I just think that's the silliest thing I saw this kid in the gym the other day.
Same thing. He looked like a Muppet Baby version of the villain from Despicable Me.
He had a little round, little head like a little cherry tomato, a little fat body, a little gross little boy at the gym. And he had a shirt on that had an assault rifle on it.
It says, come take it underneath it. And there's a little part of me that's like, I'd love to.
I would love to come knock you over. You need to be bullied.
You need to be bullied. Well, maybe he's there because he was bullied.
He needs to get bullied harder. Bully him harder.
These people need to be bullied to death. This is like, that roommate, i guess he says he didn't know what was going on but he was also saying that vance belter has been he went kind of under the radar for a while he was very very staunchly anti-abortion hates women yeah i'm just gonna go on a limb that he hates women and that this guy what he kind of like, they used to talk like this together as boys because the roommate and Vance have been best friends and living together.
It's like fourth grade or something. Yeah, fourth grade or something.
And he just seems that he went underground with his beliefs for a little bit and then unleashed this plan on a bunch of people. Yeah, because he texted the roommate that he was going to do it.
He didn't actually tell them in advance, really. No.
He told that he was a dad's gone to war today. Oh, yeah, that's what he said to his kids.
That was the sketch to his family. Yeah, dad's gone to war today.
And he was a preacher. Oh, I mean, it all checks out.
It's all just one of those things where, is it a war if they're unarmed in their home? It seems that you're going to somebody's house to kill them. It's not going to the war.
He also killed the dog. I know.
That's the saddest one of all. And they keep showing all the pictures of the golden retriever.
I mean, it was a cute fucking dog. I mean, yeah.
You gotta be a real fucking bastard to shoot a golden retriever. Think about that.
Now, like a Doberman or something? Like, I love all dogs, but like, a golden retriever? That's a hard one to look in the eyes and shoot. This is the type of man that would do this.

You know what I mean? He was really very,

very excited. It was supposed to be a service

dog, but they liked him so much that they kept him.

Aw, that's very cute.

I know. I mean, it's a golden retriever.

They should have made him a service dog. You're still being lying.

Honestly, teach the dog how to use a gun.

Not anymore. The only thing

that stops a bad man with a gun is a good dog with a gun. Amen to that.
Does he get charged for killing the dog as well? Is that added on? I'm certain it all gets in there. Yeah, why not? Because I feel like there should be justice.
Animal cruelty. Yeah, there's a little bit.
He'll get an extra month for the dog. They'll throw something on top there.
But normally, yeah, they get something. Oh, my God.
I can't believe he killed the dog. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. I mean, he just wasn't, you know, he's a bastard.
That's just real. That's like, how mean are you? And then also, just like.
Even the Klan likes dogs. Hey.
You know, like, it's just like, I mean, what's he doing? The white ones. You know, he also, he reminds me a lot of john wilkes booth and the fact that he was also again found in a bush yeah these guys all just jump into a bush and our devil in the ozarks they look a lot alike very similar in builds yeah very very similar lots of tits going on there between those guys dude he's got tits like a mother wolf he has like full on side teats man it's nice to see in a way you know again it shows that the best warriors are about 100 pounds overweight and shoot you from a foot from your face it seems that our most proudest warriors are the ones that do that you know even the child that tried to shoot the president did it from afar with a sniper rifle.
Yes. Well, yes.
Yeah, man. And we all know that Trump's ear is miraculously healed.
Oh, yes. Because God chose his ear and he saved his ear.
God chose him. Yes.
We all know that that's what happens. Ask Evander Holyfield.
Oh, we know his ear pop right back. And then he just keeps biting it off.
He's just like, ah, when's that could have finally come out? What? That Trump wasn't shot. Oh, it's over.
That's a very long over. That would be a scandal, right? No.
What scandal? With what? Within what? Within there. How could that be bigger than any other scandal? Stolen valor.
It's nothing but scandals, Eddie. It doesn't really matter.
They've done that very expertly. It's nothing but scandals, so it doesn't matter.
I'm glad they're finally recounting the boats. I mean, yeah, wow.
That's really going to get to the bottom of it, y'all. Definitely how we should be spending our time and our fucking money, that is for certain.
Yeah, let's just wait fucking half a year before we start thinking about that. And then we can fucking trot out Elizabeth Warren and she'll go like, these men are bad.
And then she'll go back to her fucking mansion. All these fucking idiots.
All these useless fucking morons. Now let's get into some other fucking stories.
Peeing in the shower's bad for you. That's horse shit.
Well, says the New York Post. Yeah, they'll say anything.
All right. So the title is, most people are guilty of doing this in the shower, but experts warn it's incredibly dangerous.
Don't do it. It's not incredibly dangerous.
They're saying with ladies, if you pee in the shower, it might make your pussy too loose. Yes.
It might make your pee pee door, might get too swingy. It could could hot take, but don't pee standing up in the shower or anywhere for that matter.
Ladies, you are training your bladder that it's okay to empty while standing. Don't do it.
This could cause bladder leakage. I just don't know how that...
I said pee a little. It's okay.
Just pee a little bit. It's fine.
I thought peeing and then maybe stopping it very quickly might help your pee pee muscles. Side stories, L-P-O-T-L-A-G-mail.com.
How do you strengthen your pee pee muscles? Listen, if we all smelled a little like pee pee, then it would be more acceptable. I don't like pee pee.
You don't like pee pee? I don't want to smell like pee pee, no. Yeah, well, come on.
Why not? Because I don't like the smell of urine. Do you leak at all sometimes? Yeah, of course.
It goes in my pants. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sometimes I get a little dot on my underwear when I wake up in the middle of the night. That's what underwear's for.
You know what I get so mad about when I pee in the middle of the night and there's a little bit on my underwear? I feel I can't put the pillow back in between my legs until it dries. Just be a husband and do it, buddy.
No, I gotta wait. It's warm for me.
I don't want to get pink eye. It's your pillow.
I know it's my pillow.

I have my below waist pillow.

Oh, you have a pee pee pillow.

Well, I have a possible shit, piss, cum pillow.

Really?

Because you never know what's going to come out of me.

Wow.

I do have enough pillows to designate.

Well, I don't cum on my pillows.

Not necessarily.

Not unless I try.

Weird.

Weird.

That I think is weird. Yeah.
So the New York Post says that if you pee standing up, it kind of fucks with your bladder. And then they even said it could be bad for men.
Why does everything have to have rules? Why does everything with rules? I can see why people want there to be no rules. It's like, I'm so sick of these stupid rules.
Yeah, they say it's, for one, not very hygienic, but more importantly than that, it will destroy your pelvic floor. Yes, and it might also create mental associations where you hear water running and all of a sudden you need to run to the bathroom.
What are we? Are we all dogs? You know what's weird, though? I do find that sometimes I'll really have to pee, and then it's only because I'm thinking about it. You know? And then if I can train my mind, then it goes away.
Then you can pee. Then you just pee.
Yeah, well, I mean, sometimes you're busy. But nothing matters.
Just stop what you're doing and go pee. Well, not if you're at the movies.
I always do. You can't stop the movie.
I get up and I go pee. Man, it's hard.
I do. I know.
I just saw Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade for Father's Day. That's how I celebrated.
Oh, wow. And I had three pees during the movie, and I felt bad each time.
But at least it was good about seeing an old movie that you've seen a million times. I knew exactly when to go pee.
Exactly. Yeah, that was nice.
You were allowed to. Yes.
But they say standing while urinating also puts men at risk for benign prostatic hyperlapsia, which occurs when the prostate gland and surrounding tissue expand, obstructing the urethra. Sadly for many men, the thought of sitting while peeing is looked down upon.
In Germany, those who stand to relieve themselves are called Sitzpringras. I am a Sitzpringras.
You're a Sitz. I am.
You didn't. I've talked about this.
No. No.
I am talking about this. I am a proud sit sprinkler.
Yeah. I am proud of it.
I pee while sitting, but not by choice. If I'm already sitting, I'll let it go.
But I have. Y'all.
Are you trying to read or what's the deal? No. I'm just trying to sit.
Now, what about the middle of the night? Whenever I, sometimes I sit. Most of the time I'll stand because it's easier to get to the water while I'm standing.
But yeah, dude, I sit now, dude. All the time? Almost 95% of the time, yeah.
Not when you're out in public. No.
Public urinal. Yes.
Yeah, yeah, I have to do urinal. When I'm home, I sit really.
Yeah, buddy. At here, at work, I sit.
Do you read or do you just get lost in your thoughts or you just pee and go? I pee and go. Really? Yep.
And you sit and you just get out. Because I imagine if I sat to pee, I would sit there for an extra five minutes.
I do sometimes. But also I'm trying to not get piles anymore.
Oh, piles? I don't want my butthole to get worse anymore by being on the toilet for too long. Oh, yeah.
Well, that's the other fucking problem. But I'm just saying.
That's why I'm not saying something out there the whole time. You got to sit down and pee.
Man, that's crazy. Sit down and pee, guys.
Fucking give it up. Jason Biggs.
Jason Biggs is a sit down and peer. Whatever.
He's not even a fucking Lionel Messi. Lionel Messi.
He's the guy. Lionel Messi.
That's who you look up to as a sit sprinkler. A sit sprinkler is one of those guys.
That's what you do. If I'm going to sit sprinkler, I'm going to do it because I'm even more of a man than a man who stands.
Yeah. Because guess who sits? Kings.
Kings sit? Well, it's a throne, I guess. That makes sense.
See? Yeah. But one thing I heard about Lionel is he makes a messy of his pants.
He's driving very fast. Very, very scared.
very scared now speaking of i want to talk about this this story horrific none of us like hearing about plane crashes because we have to even plane so much oh yeah but this story is just i mean there's not much to it it's just insane the india crash uh so this last thursday yeah air india a plane crashed I want to say it was something like more than 200 bodies have already been pulled from it. Everybody died on this massive plane, in this massive plane crash, except for one dude.
Okay. His name is Vishwash Kumar Ramesh.
He told Indian state media DD News that he said, I managed to unbuckle myself, use my leg to push that opening. And I crawled out.
Essentially, they said they went up. The plane went up.
It started like the lights started flickering on the plane. Then they said it felt like it stopped in the air and then it slammed into a fucking building.
And he said his, when they slammed, the whole thing exploded, except his section fell from the top of the building and landed. And the way he put it was that he was sitting there blinking in his eye.
He was like, he thought he was dead. He looks fine.
He's got like a scratch on his face. He has almost no injuries.
Everybody else isa yeah that was the seat that was his seat just so you know that's a good seat and so he like the way he put it i can totally imagine how surreal that must be right like you fall from the sky and you're sitting there and you're just alive and he's like feeling his body like what the fuck was wrong with me and then he just gets up and he walks out of the plane crash and so he got they checked him for injuries he seems to be fine wear your seat belt every once in a while it seems to really work yeah yeah but he was also sitting right next to the emergency exit so maybe that was something that helped him out maybe or maybe he just wanted it more than the rest of them if you think about that, maybe he just wanted to live more than everybody else on that plane. That's a good point.
We should be giving this man the unbreakable test. I would love to see.
Now let's try to stab him. Yeah.
Someone call M. Night Shyamalan.
We should find out what's happening. Let's shoot him in the head.
If we shoot him in the head and he lives, then what? He's king. Pope.
If guy's invincible, what is the guy who's invincible? What do we give him? I feel like you don't want to give him a role of power. He's already got everything.
He's invincible. Yeah, but that also means you're going to have to figure out how to work for the rest of your life.
Yeah, it doesn't make him super strong. No, nothing.
It just makes you live forever. Yeah.
So if he's invincible, he might have to die naturally. Send him to Antarctica.
Side stories lpotl at gmail.com. Speaking of Antarctica.
What should we do with these invincible people? Yeah, what do you do with an invincible man? I do want to talk about Antarctica, actually. Why do you want to talk about Antarctica? That is the most...
I mean, this is the... It's just wild to me.
That's just got to be the craziest turnaround that you could ever do. Like, you could just live.
You could just live! What, from the plane? Have you ever seen that story with the Earl Morris documentary series with the chick that fell out of the plane in her chair? No! A plane exploded midair, and she fell out of the plane in her chair and then crashed in a tree and lived? Wow! It's another crazy story. That's just one of those that I have reoccurring nightmares of a plane around me exploding and me flying through the air.
It's called Wings of Hope. Oh, wow.
Well, I'm going to start taking different flights of you because I don't have any. Oh, yes.
Werner Herzog, not Errol Morris. Oh, okay.
It was Werner Herzog. It's great.
I want to watch this. It's a little short.
You got to watch it. You would love to see this.
Wow. It was a 98 made for TV documentary.
Okay, cool. She said that people were, it was wild the way she described how when she landed, she caught her, like she took herself off the chair and she just saw people, just their feet sticking out of the ground.
Oh yeah, man. Because they just plunge in chair first.
They landed for, they just buried themselves in the ground. Man, I remember.
Do you remember that plane crash in Jersey? I want to say it was like 99 or 2000. My buddies had just moved there and they fucking, the plane crashed in their yard.
And it was kind of scattered and they had people in their seats in their backyard and shit. Damn.
But they didn't crash to the house or anything, so that's nice. That's nice.
Thanks. Yes.
Are you scared of planes still, or you don't mind? You get a little stressed out. I'm actively in therapy that I do work on it.
It's so weird, because I feel safer in a plane than a car. Once I'm up, I'm fine.
It really goes, like I've dealt through it. It's just weird.

It's one of those things that's kind of come up and gone away for me.

It's just so out of your control, it can't even upset me.

I know, but then it's like, then it's so out of my control, it does upset me.

Because I do wish I could go over there and just wrestle the controls from that fucking pilot. But you'd have no idea what to do if you won the fight.

Exactly.

And that's what scares me.

Stronger pilots. That's what we're looking for, That's what we're looking for.
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Oh, man. Well, yeah, so what do you think this— Oh, yeah, Antarctica.
Let me talk about this. I'll talk about this story real this.
What happened in Antarctica? Well, this is, again, not a heck of a lot to it, but is it is I'm going to say concerning. All right.
So we have part of what we do is Antarctica. It's obviously a very mysterious place, and we have fought over it for a very, very long time.
Right. Like we we fight over it it uh russia fought over it we got like it's supposed to be this international zone and now that the temperatures are rising more and more weird shit is coming out of an arctica we've been talking about uh they saw these weird creatures i don't know if you saw this thing where it was like they they found this sort of like essentially a new type of like fish creature that's just swimming around in the ice.
Like, you know, we're talking about maybe getting released, viruses getting released from the inside of the ice, all this type of shit. It's bound to happen.
They call them feather stars, these thing that they found, these really gross little creatures, right? But this is one of those where- Those things are awesome. Yeah, it's awesome.
Yeah, they named it after a strawberry. Oh, we named it after a strawberry.
We got 20 arms. Yeah, it's really gross.
Wow. It's really very frightening looking.
They don't like it. It's a facehugger.
It looks like a facehugger, yes. It was found in Antarctica, but now things in Antarctica just got a little bit more mysterious.
What happened now? So they have this thing. They detect pulsars coming from space using a thing called the Antarctic Impulsive Transient Antenna, ANITA.
It's a balloon. It's got antennas on it.
So we do to sort of like, we listen for space, the signals from cosmic space, right? That's the idea. We're listening for signals from space.
We're catching whenever it comes in the way they they used to it i found interesting is that the signal comes from space and it bounces off the ice and up and that's how they hear it yeah they're getting this new set of sounds that they are saying is coming directly from underneath the ice it's probably well that's not good they're saying that nothing should be able to make a signal that could travel through that amount of ice oh up to it that they don't know why they feel like maybe that things have significantly changed we don't know um they said the signals seem to pass through thousands of kilometer of rock whoa they don't know what they're of course they're calling it a fascinating mystery it's probably an earthquake uh don't know it could know it's continuous okay it's in a repeated fashion they said that something could have come from neutrinos which are particles that make up i believe i might be wrong here but i believe neutrinos are essentially the things that make up atoms right they're the very base of reality this is way past my knowledge neutrinos you know they're they they're just around us right they give us mass um detecting them is very hard so sometimes they say that when one of them does hit something sometimes inside of if it hit a signal or a recording signal,

neutrinos will make sounds, apparently.

I don't know what the hell this means.

Could be a bloop.

It could be a poop.

Bloop.

Remember the bloop?

Poop.

I know poop. That shit comes out of my ass.

I understand shit.

I'm talking about the bloop.

Do you remember the bloop?

Bloop doesn't live in that neighborhood. What about Kraken? Oh, like the Kraken? The Kraken! I think he's booked.
He's working with Liam Neeson. He's out there.
The Kraken, I mean, we do have giant octopi, but they don't live under the ice. They live in the deep, deep water.
Interesting. So they're not under the ice.
Now, is the under ice

melting as well? Do you think something could be

cutting loose from down there? I don't know if

the fupa ice is melting. I think

that they call it the fupa layer.

I know. I've heard that before.
The fat upper pussy

Arctic area.

And they, that is very

difficult for anything to go in

and out of that. It's very thick.

Oh, no, that's what that fupa stands stands for. Oh, great.
I love that. Thank you, Rob.
Yeah, yeah. Rob just looked up FUPA, and he gave us a lot of examples.
Yes, yeah, it was very popular. People love that shit.
No, they really do. But yeah, that's really all there is to this.
It's weird. Yeah.
Bad.

Maybe.

It's hard.

In Antarctica,

I feel like sometimes we get news stories

from there

and then it's just

so far away,

nothing ever gets

followed up.

Like,

whatever happened

to those scientists?

Are they dead?

Are they happy?

Do you remember

we found out

we couldn't hear

from them for six months?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

So it's been about,

it's been like,

what,

like four months now

or something like that?

No.

Yeah, does that happen in like March or April, something like that? No. Yeah.
I don't know what's going on with these guys. No.
The scientists in trouble, Antarctica, South African, whatever happened to them. Yeah.
This was in March. You're right.
Yeah. So these guys, I mean, we don't know what happened to them.
I mean, they're probably fine. They probably just talked it out.
Yeah, sure. Definitely.
Yeah. Let's all talk about this thing now.
They said they really can't for 10 more months. They're still trapped there.
They're trapped for 10 months. There's nothing they can do.
So we don't even know. Nope.
That's pretty cool. That's going to be fun to find out.
I want to find out the whole ending. Yeah, I'd love to find out the end of the story.
I wonder if these are related. That would be awesome.
I mean, they're scientists. They should know about this noise.
That would be cool. I hope that's true.
I wonder if this is them just shooting guns into the ice. See, that's fun.
I would do that. Let's blow it up.
That's what I say. Get a couple grenades.
Throw it in there. I want to blow up some of these, what do they call them? Sea fairies? What do they call them? Those weird, horrible creatures? Just like sucking and fucking on each other.
What are the, I don't know, the 20 arm thing? Yeah. The feather? Oh Oh yeah, the feather, the feather eels or feather stars.
You love them. I mean, they creep me out.
They really do. They give me like a, give me a weird free, I feel weird.
Would you go to Antarctica? Yeah. Yeah? I'd love to go.
Yeah, I'd rather go to the North Pole. Yeah, I'd like to do both.
Yeah, South Pole. I'd love to go to Antarctica.
I don't know why. No attraction to the South Pole.
I'll go anywhere at this point but space. You don't want to go to space? No, not with the guys that are currently running it, no.
Would you go with NASA? No. Would you ever consider making up with NASA? No.
No, they're dead to you? Fuck them. Wow, so none of the space people you're into at all?

No.

What about, like, Japan?

I'd love to defect to Japan.

Yeah.

I mean, I'm trying to defect to China every week.

Mm-hmm.

Well, I wanted to tell you, I found this thing right before we came in here, and it's from,

you know, full disclosure, it's from Daily Mail, so-

Yeah, who knows?

We don't know if this is true or not, but the story's two-side story-y to not mention,

so I just wanted to bring it up.

I'm going to go. disclosure it's from daily mail so yeah who knows we don't know if this is true or not but uh the story's uh two side story e to to not mention so i just wanted to bring it up um nudist resort residents um hot dog taunt on neighbor ended in double murder that's right a hot dog based taunt yes that's right um an elderly couple were killed and mutilated by their neighbor after being humiliated with a taunt about a hot dog.
That's right. Michael Royce Spark, 62, is facing murder charges over the deaths of Stephanie and Daniel Menard, who were brutally killed at their nudist community in Olive Dell Ranch in Redlands, California.
Okay, that's a nice place to have a nudist resort. Now, he wasn't mad about the nudist stuff.
Whoa, that's the naked lady, huh? Well, she's got something on there. She's got a smock on.
They're having fun. Honestly, no, there's no judgment at all.
I'm glad that they got to be as naked as they wanted to be. Yes, but he lives next door to them, and they've had a lot of fights over the tree overhanging.
Are they new during these fights? I don't know that. There's been a noisy generator that's made Sparks upset also.
But he felt most humiliated after Menard bought him a $1 hot dog. And the reason he was mad is that he thought that he was worth more than a dollar hot dog.
So the guy, he's a homeless man? The Menards bought the hot dog. No, he's their neighbor.
He's got a house. So they just bought him a hot dog out of the goodness of their heart.
Mr. Sparks felt that the hot dog was a jab at him, making him feel like he was worth only a dollar hot dog.
And that's what set him off that day. I'm not worth a dollar hot dog.
I'm not some kind of hollow dollar fucking hot dog. I'm not a fucking dollar hot dog.
I'm a Hebrew goddamn national. Sparks went outside and struck Mr.
Menard in the head until it caved in. Yeah, that's what you get.
How fucking dare you think I'm a $1 hot dog? I ain't no goddamn $1 hot dog. Now you're a fucking $1 dead old man.
That's right. And then Michael's wife Stephanie came outside yelling no, no, no.
Snap, snap, snap, snap, snap. Now you're a dead woman too.
Yes, and he beat her until she was dead with a rake, a hoe, and a hammer. They call me the gardener.
You come and fucking try to give me a dollar hot dog. I refuse.
Next time you go to Subway, you get me a sandwich from Jersey Mike's. He allegedly told fellow prisoners that he dismembered Stephanie and mutilated Michael.
During a search for the home, the police found the body parts stuck in plastic bags and a Home Depot bucket. I did it in a funny way where what I did was I carved them up into six and I could show how the buns come in packs of eight.
That's right and that drives me crazy. I'll carve it.
I'm oh what am I supposed to do with the two extra buns? See I don't understand like a pack of hot dogs like a nice Hebrew national pack is less than a dollar a hot dog. So this guy, why does this guy really want? Why? You look at me.
You look at me, your neighbor. You're the man that helps you make up the spirit of this town.
What is it called? Sheboygan Dick's Resort? Like old hanging Dick's Resort? I am the one that makes this nudist colony. Everybody knows I'm the one with the funnest butt hair.
And everyone likes to see me naked the most. And you decided that my incredible sable gray body hair is worth a dollar hot dog? You die.
You die. Judge, jury, and executioner.
Here goes the gavel. Court is adjourned.
Everyone's dead. Yes, we have an unfortunate theme today, because after he killed both of them...
Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! Dead! He then went inside their house and grabbed their shih tzu and drowned it in their sink, and then brought it out to the hillside and left it there for coyotes to eat. See, it's a bit...
I see that's a step too far. That is a step too far.
His name was Cuddles. Yes.
Yes, the Shih Tzu's name was Cuddles. Cuddles is very cute.
It has an underbite or had an underbite. Give me your cuddles.
Oh, give me your cuddles. Shut up, cuddles.
Shut the fuck up, cuddles. The Menards were missing for four days before the case turned into a homestead.
I'm no $1 hot dog. I'm no fucking $1 hot dog.
I'll never be one ever again. $1 hot dog.
Oh, you give your neighbor a $1 hot dog and and he doesn't you don't think he's not going to systematically kill all of you and your dog oh yeah he um texted a friend um before he was taken in by the cops uh hey it's me committing suicide today take care bye well so uh and he didn't no he didn't uh actually uh they said wait what's going on where are you and uh he said chopped up my neighbors didn't know i had it in me snapped use punctuation if you use punctuation that's a true put a comma after snapped wow and then that was the end of it so i think he was just upset he then um tried he did try to kill himself with a long rifle, but it misfired or jammed. And then the cops were like, all right, get out of here.
Wow. Yeah, we're going to take you in.
Just doesn't. Wow.
Yeah. So there's a crazy ass story.
I feel like it's barely in the news. It seems like such an insane tale to not make it across everything.
That's why I'm a little skeptical that it's even true. I mean, it sounds, sadly, reasonable.
It sounds like a thing I have heard and people will kill for. Because everybody seems to be real torqued up.
He looks like he would do it. Look at that face.
He definitely looks like a man who kills over a dollar hot dog. Oh, no, no.
That's a man.

There but for the grace of God.

I have to look at this man's face and remember, choose your battles.

Choose your battles.

Sometimes it's just a hot dog.

Sometimes.

Sometimes it's a mortal insult.

But in the case that it's a mortal insult, take it to the courts.

Okay?

That's my word of,

that's my little word of wisdom.

Take it to the courts.

Taking it to the courts.

Taking it to the courts.

Taking it to the courts.

All right.

Here we go.

All right. I think it's time for some listener.

I think just real quick before we move forward, there two new sphere videos that have come out and they look fake I'm going to save some of that for the stream great so we'll go over the different spheres we got new spheres in town new spheres new shapes it's spheres they're queer they They're here. Sphere to your queer.
Just understand that.

The spheres are here, and there ain't nothing we're

going to do about it, so we might as well just let

them marry each other.

All right, because we have several... Yeah, because it was

the boogosphere, now you've got one in China, and we have

another one in... Colombia.
Colombia.

It's close to where the boogosphere was. A lot of spheres.

Now we've got to get to...

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la

In the Rebels! All right, let's go. We've got some stuff in here.
I like it. We've got to get a sound cue.
Yeah, send us a sound cue for listener emails. We need sound cue.
Honestly, it's been too long since we've had a good sound cue. We just did an interview with a guy on radio, our buddy Victor Wilt, and he was saying he doesn't want to play all the stupid radio noises and radio sounds.
And we love them. We wanted them.
Yeah, we wanted them. Yep.
Here we go. So, first of all, a lot of penis implant talk.
A lot of penis implant talk. Seems expensive.
My friend sent me. I'm not allowed to even remotely hint at this because it's very illegal technically.
But they sent me a bit of a thing where I know exactly before markup a penis implant costs about 19 000 19 000 19 000 that's more than a baby that's before the hospital takes their markup whoa yep oh yeah it's definitely more than a baby because it's entirely elective that's crazy like technically it's entirely i guess it makes sense yes how fake tits? Two grand. I think you pop in one and out.
Pop them in and out. Two grand's not bad.
You can get, like, I believe you can get a discount, too, depending on where you're at or what you want to do for your life or what you want to do for a living. I think that if you're a certain age, I believe you get them for free if you're 18 and you're getting into the dancing.
They're anywhere from five grand to ten grand for fake tits. Damn.
I mean, I suggest going for the ten granders. Go for the bigger ones.
Yeah, yeah. Not the bigger ones, but the better ones.
The better doctor. Yes.
Yes. Yes.
Go to Sina's brother. He'll give you some fake tits.
Yeah, go see my old buddy Sina's brother. Come on, he'll pop your tits out and make brand new ones.
He'll take out the old ones. He'll throw them in the trash.
He'll pop on some new ones and everyone will love you again. So let let's go uh a lot of people the reason why they said the border patrol shows up places is because they're specifically very good at tracking humans oh yes a lot of times yes and a lot of times they're brought in because they are specifically trained to track people over wide expanses of desert so they're very good at finding.
I got a buddy who's, not a buddy, an old friend from college. He's, honestly, he was like, he wasn't even a friend.
He was just someone I knew in college, and he was the most racist person in our friend group, and he got a head injury, and he wanted to be a cop, and it didn't work work out and so now he's border patrol. And then he married a Mexican woman and she helps him find Mexicans together.
That is fascinating. Yes.
That is literally fascinating. I'll never understand.
I'll never know. I don't know how people work, man.
People are the most interesting. They never stop being interesting.
Yeah. All right, here we go.
Oh, one asked. Remember we asked about the two kids that killed and about whether or not they were going to get their diploma because they did it right before graduation? Oh, yeah.
I got an answer on that. Oh.
Public educator of 17 years in both California and Oregon. From my experience, the students will still graduate and receive their diplomas, will not be allowed to walk in graduation this is assuming their teachers have turned in their final grades already the only way i don't think they would is if they want to went to a private school who set their own rules or if they were jailed and able to take their finals and failed classes technically they're innocent until proven guilty that's correct yeah so the school wouldn't make that call for fear of being sued.
Yes. If they were found guilty before graduation, they probably wouldn't graduate from their high school, but they could probably finish up in prison.
Yeah. Yep.
Alright, good. I hope they really figure it out.
Yeah, I really hope they figure that one out. Also, one opening in Notre Dame next year.
So if you're holding out, maybe hit them back up. Maybe one of you, it's better for you to be the talking Irish instead of the fighting Irish.
The thinking Irish. I'm going to tell one Glimmerman story because I like all these Glimmermans.
You love the Glimmerman. I like Glimmerman.
Great. I was somewhere between the ages of two to five when this happened, and it's actually one of my earliest memories.
I distinctly remember being awakened and taken out of bed in the middle of the night by being so strange that the memory stuck with me for the rest of my life. The entity had the silhouette of a person, but the figure looked to be made out of TV static.
In the static, little orbs of colorful light would slowly blink in and out. This thing took me by the hand and gently but firmly led me through the house.
I remember we moved slowly and almost gracefully, and I remember crying the entire time, because I was absolutely terrified. I had the distinct impression that it was taking me out of our house for whatever reason.
It then led me to our living room and sat me down cross-legged in the center of the floor. It then slunk away into the darkness, leaving me all by myself.
I sat there crying for what seemed to be a long time, afraid to move, before my father found me and took me back to my room. Obviously, there's weird things about this story.
First, it clearly wasn't a dream because I know exactly how I got to the living room and my parents still remember finding me there to this day. Second, it was strange because it seemed like it was taking me to the front door, which was an absolute bitch to open because the house was like 200 years old and that door required a skeleton key.
It was actually so hard to open and close that we always used the side door to avoid the headache. Looking back, the being felt incredibly gentle.
It was almost motherly now that I think of it. I remember how gently and almost lovingly it seemed to sit me down on the floor.
I'm not sure if it sat me there because I was crying too loudly and I blew its cover, if it planned on leaving me there from the very beginning, or if there was a period of missing time that I don't remember and it was dropping me off after taking me out of the house like I was anticipating. Sounds like it was nice and it cared about him.
Who knows? What tops it all off is the fact that my father had an incredibly similar experience when he was a child. My father is what you would probably consider to be an abductee.
And he said that the experience that mirrored mine was one of his very first encounters with the visitors. Uh-oh.
My dad's side of the family is filled with abductees going through generations, going back generations, which we all know isn't uncommon for this sort of thing i never connected this experience with the other weird experiences i had growing up and certainly not to the abduction phenomenon until a couple of years ago and i've had a lot of weird shit i've had a lot of weird shit happen to me in my life but this one was definitely one of the strangest is that something you hear like when people are abducted If someone's someone's dad is abducted you have more of a chance of being abducted yourself it almost it seems that it's almost always in the family okay that it comes from a long line and it's a lot of times if you believe you've been experiencing this type of thing it's been going on since you were a kid so it's like getting getting molested. Yeah.
By your father, who was probably molested himself. Yeah.
Interesting. And, you know, it's just that we can always play that game, ghost, alien, or molested.
Yes. You know, we always can.
Because, guess what? If the molesting's going, and the ghosts are going, and the aliens are going, we got a show. That's right.
you can love the fact that anytime something bad happens

that's another thing for old ed henry to joke about and we love the we live for the fact that yeah sure you know what we're doing is we're really helping people have a cathartic experience and we're really helping people laugh at the things that are difficult to laugh at and also it's fun to just be laughing at things

that are extremely inappropriate.

Just like... laugh at the things that are difficult to laugh at.
And also it's fun to just be laughing at things that are extremely inappropriate.

Just like a couple of dead dogs.

God, wow.

Yeah.

Before we get to our piss friend, I wanted to say, if you're in northern Michigan and

you got a Bigfoot photo, you're going to want to go to this marijuana dispensary.

They said they're going to give out free joints.

They're giving out free joints to the best pictures. Yeah, it's only one pre-roll.
If I got a picture of Bigfoot... Oh, you're giving me a pound of fucking weed.
Yeah, no. That's my complaint here.
Oh, no. Would I suggest you do? If you got a picture of Bigfoot, you fucking hold these fuckers...
I'll tell you what. You gotta attack them.
You gotta show up and be like, you ain't getting shit. I got a pound of weed for you.
I'll buy you a pound of weed. Don't go to this place.
No, send it to me. Sign stories.
LPOTL at gmail.com. I swear I will get you a pound of weed.
I have a bounty. Yes.
I got half. Henry's got the other half.
We will get you a pound of weed if you

have a credible picture. Fuck this

one pre-roll. Let's fucking jump

ahead of this, dude.

Yes. No, yeah.
If you have a good... Honestly,

Eddie,

if you have a good picture of Bigfoot,

you're going to get a pound of weed.

You're also going to come to every one of

our shows for a year.

Yeah. For free.
But, you know, probably you can't come backstage. No.
No. But I want that picture, and that picture better be good.
It better be a damn fine picture of Bigfoot. And I also want that picture to be fucking, we need to get an analysis guy in here.
Oh, no, we're definitely screening this fucking photo and taking it in. If we believe the photo in the first place.
I mean this. I am not fucking joking here.
I'm serious. This is a prize.
It's going to pay for itself. Yeah.
Yeah, bring a photo so Unique Cannabis can go fuck. No, fuck Unique Cannabis, man.
I mean, it's a great idea. What pre-roll? Bring a photo proof of Bigfoot.
For a pre-roll, guys.roll guys they put bigfoot as two words yeah that's pretty angry bigfoot's one word although welch yeah they're gonna fucking welch i was gonna like these guys but now that i've thought about this for two seconds fucking a literally before this we were talking about how awesome this was yeah and now i'm One pre-roll? That's it. That's it.
For proof. A proof of Bigfoot is worth at least $100,000, right? Shut up.
Well, I'm offering a pound of weed. Yeah.
No, no. I don't have $100,000.
No, we're not giving. I don't have that.
No. I do not have this money.
Yes, sir. No, I'm not giving it.
No, no, no. We're not giving you the money that you deserve.
Technically, you should sell it. But if you want something from us...
Yes, we are overstepping these motherfuckers. Fuck them.
Yes. So I want to hear about...
I want to find your Bigfoot photos, and if it looks credible, we're going to get it analyzed, and then if it seems like it's on the level, you've got a pound of weed coming your way. Yep.
You're going to probably have to come here to get it. Yes, you're going to have to come to California to get it for sure.
But still. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We'll make it happen. All right.
And for those, speaking of all, will they make it happen? Yeah, they will, because we make shit happen all the time. Like we're making for our buddy, filmmaker Derek Milton.
Yes. Who has spent the last, I say year or so, doing

a full deep dive into the Piss Bandit.

Now, if you guys remember, he has now a new YouTube documentary called The Piss Saga.

It is on his YouTube channel.

What is his YouTube channel?

It is at Derek Milton.

Yes, go and check it out.

D as in dog, E, R as in rape, E, K as in karate, M as in munch, I, L as in lick, T as in tits, O, N as in never mind the album by Nirvana. You just said I and O.
You didn't give them a little thing. You don't need them.
You're right. Nothing really rhymes with I does it except for alright folks come see Side Stories live come to the show the last podcast show in Atlanta at the end of the month that's June 28th the Side Story shows are sold out at Dad's Garage but the last last podcast show at the Coca-Cola Roxy still has a couple tickets left, so go check that out.
We're talking July 11th. We're going to be in Salt Lake City's Wise Guys.
August 7th, Asheville Orange Peel. September 21st, Kansas City, the Truman Theater.
October 24th, Redding, California. We're coming back to the Mateo Community Center.
Yeah! They're going to be sponsoring the

one pound giveaway.

Oh, in the...

November 3rd through 7th.

Dude, if we get a real picture of Bigfoot,

if we get a credible picture of Bigfoot,

this is what I'm...

This has to happen. Yes.

If you have a picture, we got a pound

of weed for you. You need it, by the way.

If you're seeing Bigfoot, you need weed.

You need weed.

November 3rd through November 7th, crimewaveatc.com slash left. Come and see Henry and I yucking it up in the Caribbean.
Oh, yeah. You know, I just want to give a big shout out to Cuddles.
Cuddles, we love you. Poor, poor Cuddles.
You shouldn't have died in that. I'm really sad that sad that you're I'm really really sad that your parents Could not have respected your neighbor more Yes yeah no it's a shame Cuddles Drowned in puddles And I'll be I'll be doing jokes for The dog rescue at the Mason Shore Rescue.

That's going to be on Tuesday in North Hollywood over at Haley's Wine, 7 p.m. on Lancashire.

Perfect.

So come and check that out.

Also, I got a show planned on August 29th in Cincinnati, Ohio.

Tickets are available on my website, eddytunes.com.

So come see me there if you're in the Cincinnati area. I'm going to be at the Rheinge Rhein guys brewery on August 29th.
We're gonna have a lot of fun. I love you guys That's it.
Yeah, yeah, we did it. We really did it.
He could work RIPP to cuddles and the golden retriever are real heroes of the day Well two dogs died this show this episode two dogs were senselessly murder. That's really very sad.
It really is sad. The humans.

Couldn't care less.

Don't really, you know,

it's upsetting, but yeah.

What are you going to do?

Couldn't care less.

All right, guys.

All right, guys.

Everyone, goodbye.

No cuddles.