Side Stories: Sincere Stories

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Speaker 2 there's no place to escape to this is the last podcast on the left

Speaker 2 side stories

Speaker 1 that's when the cannibalism started

Speaker 2 side stories yes

Speaker 2 uh

Speaker 2 city of angels

Speaker 2 nothing like a nice peaceful afternoon in the city of los angeles my friend Oh, yeah, man. I can't wait to fucking wrestle a marine, man.
It's about time, man. It's public, too.

Speaker 2 This guy from the Coast Guard, he came to my house, right? It was him with his ice guy, right? And he came over and he was just like, Are you harboring any of you refugees? I was like, Yep. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You got to come get them. They're in the back.
And I brought them back into the house, obviously, right? You took Carmy and Wendy? No, no, no, absolutely not. They, they're still, they're blood.

Speaker 2 They're, they're born in. They're born in.
And then I um, I told him to sit and wait here, right? It's I put them in the living room.

Speaker 2 I poured them some coffee and some treated real nice real nice nice coffee uh yes yeah to be funny right and i mean i winked at him and then i went inside right i went into the back my back area and then i came back out and i was completely naked yeah like which is my my get-go you're you're at home i said yeah i was like just so you know if you want these refugees both you boys are going to have to tag team me and make me go yeah you're going to have to make me shoot and so what you're going to have the eiffel tower the zabrowski yes and i I said this to these two guys.

Speaker 2 I was like, this is not a joke here. They hate the Eiffel Tower because it's in another country.
They hate it because of what it represents over there. It represents a shitty ladder, right?

Speaker 2 It's a bad, it's a bad building. And so they looked at me, right? And I just said, if you want these refugees, you're going to have to please, you're going to have to pleasure me.

Speaker 2 You have to make love to me. Yeah.
And they started, jumped right in, right? Because obviously they're. They're good at it.
Because again, these boys, they're just around men all day. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, no. And they get good.
They're they're cock-sucking experts. They get really good at making love to each other.

Speaker 2 And so this guy came at me, and so they were going, but they kept correcting him because they said, be more like a lady. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Be more, think you're a lady. Yeah, use these cuffs.

Speaker 2 Yeah, think that you're like, you're a lady, you know. And eventually,

Speaker 2 I had to make him leave.

Speaker 2 I was like, get the hell out of here. Yeah, I don't want to tried to zip tie my balls to my cock, and I'm like, they're already right next to each other.
Honestly, we don't even need to do this.

Speaker 2 Yeah, escalate more, thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's what I'm saying. Welcome to Side Stories.
My name is Henry Sabrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson.
How you doing?

Speaker 2 Perfectly safe. Everything's fine.
Legitimately, we just want to open up today's show by saying, fuck ice, fuck the Marines, fuck the fucking Coast Guard. I love the good ones.
I like it.

Speaker 2 All right, hold on. Scale back for two seconds.
Don't fuck, don't that fuck the Marines. Yeah, I like the Marines.
I'm fine with the Joys.

Speaker 2 I'm fine with the good Marines.

Speaker 2 I'm fine with the real men

Speaker 2 and the real women of the Marines.

Speaker 2 These poor 700 fuckers are just sitting in Joshua Tree, not allowed to do mushrooms. They're not even allowed to spoil.

Speaker 2 They're in like Riverside. Like they're in, they're not even good.
They're 29 palms. Oh, wow.
They're in 29 palms. That's where the base is.

Speaker 2 One of them matched with Amber on Hinge. Oh, I remember.
I remember.

Speaker 2 They can't close. Yeah.
I am a little worried, though, because these boys are just sitting in the desert doing nothing but push-ups.

Speaker 2 And like, they're just ready to fucking punch a liberal in the face. You know what the desert's bad for? Ice.
Yes. And you got to be really, really careful out there.

Speaker 2 i uh but no we just want to say that there you're gonna hear a lot of messaging about los angeles being a third world country and a war-torn city and uh say that to the fact that i grilled this weekend yeah so um there's that uh they uh all of my friends i was in disneyland and i was i unplugged completely yeah my family was in town and i unplugged completely i'm in disneyland just like i didn't unplug completely i was definitely like posting pictures of me on rides

Speaker 2 so then like i get back and i'm like oh, the city's being attacked. Everyone's okay.

Speaker 2 And I was like, I'm a piece of shit.

Speaker 2 But just so you know, I just, because I got messages from people from outside of the state that are all like, oh my God, have they come to burn your home? Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Are the immigrants there to destroy your lives? And honestly, I'm going to say straight up: if immigrants weren't here, this entire city would crumble to the fucking ground. They do everything.

Speaker 2 They do everything

Speaker 2 but stock broke. They work hard.
They work hard, hard, and people are just trying to give it a fucking shot. And honestly,

Speaker 2 the comedians I know that went to the protest, it was an organized protest. It was so,

Speaker 2 it's kind of what America is all about. America is about the fact that we have set parameters for you to go and express your displeasure with the government.

Speaker 2 And so this concept of everyone's saying, oh, it's riots. They're tearing the city apart.
And then I'm watching a lady with a mommy blog at the protest. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like, like the comedians that went to the protest aren't going to a riot. I am just telling you this.
If you're going to see social media stuff from the,

Speaker 2 it's a protest. They are, the United States government are the ones who are escalating and they are looking for a fight.
They sent the army here. This is true fascist shit that's very scary, but also.

Speaker 2 I just don't think it's going to work out. It's not working because the protests are actually very effective.

Speaker 2 ICE is trying to be as scary as they can be because it's the new thing to scare children and families.

Speaker 2 The LAPD put out a statement saying that these aren't violent protests and they love kicking the shit out of us. You don't think the LAPD would not have taken any opportunity to spray us with bullets?

Speaker 2 Like, honestly, they fucking love it. They can't wait to do it.
We have tanks. We have the military.
It's here. So, again,

Speaker 2 I'd love to meet a Marine. I'd love to feed a Marine.
I'd love to make a Marine laugh.

Speaker 2 But I just know that I think any of the good Marines, anybody out there that actually believes in this fucking shit-ass country that's built on blood and slavery, anybody that actually believes in that shit, wouldn't listen to a pedophile telling you to attack the personas of the United States of America, the citizens of the United States of America.

Speaker 2 This is supposed to be a

Speaker 2 place where people want to come. A place where people are going to want to come to make their dreams come real.
And that's a part of the deal, folks.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry, you're going to see somebody browner than you. That's called fucking, it's called the world.

Speaker 2 Also, Marines, while you're in town, literally just scout it for cool places to hang when you're on leave. So you're only a couple hours away.
And we are the hottest city in America.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, dude. There is no question about it.
We are smoking hot. We are high.
Like, you know, we're, you know, we're twos here. Well, the difference is that we're producers.
Yes.

Speaker 2 And that's where we belong. Ugly men belong here.
Yes. And the more attractive men, they just become victims of true crime.

Speaker 2 It's the women that are and everybody else of any other type of persuasion that are really quite hot here. Yeah, think about that, Marines.

Speaker 2 You don't fuck with the city where you're going to come screw on leave.

Speaker 2 It's not going to work out.

Speaker 2 It's a bad move. But this is as sincere as we're going to get today.
Because I've been getting a lot of messages saying that we have been taking advantage

Speaker 2 of our uncleness. Yes.
And honestly, I want to be chill. I want to be cool, easy, breezy, man.
Look at me. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I've been funding shit. You know, I've been, that's it.
Where's my money?

Speaker 2 Where is your money? I'm just saying, you're going to give me the money. You're going to fund me? Yeah.

Speaker 2 What do you want to do? I mean, I just want to go out to eat. I was going to give you a jar of weed.
Yes, you did. I also bought you a cool alien knuckle.

Speaker 2 You actually, you really did, and that was actually very nice. I'm sorry, I take it back.
You've actually done a couple of very nice things for me recently,

Speaker 2 which has been very nice. But you know what I did? I am a, are you ready for this? Go on.
I am now a proud member of Churla.

Speaker 2 That's right, the Coalition for Humane Immigrant Rights.

Speaker 2 Oh, I thought that was some big woman's Patreon. I know.
I know. That's what I was hoping.
That's what I thought I signed up for. But yeah, no, I signed Julie and I up.
We're members of Churla now.

Speaker 2 I don't know what this means. Yeah, I don't know.
Did you get a kickback or something? I gave them money, and I think I got to go to meetings.

Speaker 2 So I, but I'm a member.

Speaker 2 I'm in now. If you want to join Chirla and help people who are getting fucked over by ICE,

Speaker 2 go to Churla members,

Speaker 2 ship drive2025.fundraise.org. I think they misspelled fundraise.
I do think that you can do it. But it is fundraising.

Speaker 2 I checked it several times. Yes.
Very good.

Speaker 2 We need to get, you got to get better. You got to get better copywriters in there.

Speaker 2 But that's, I will also explain while Eddie did a wonderful thing and joined this wonderful group. Churla! I'm a Chirla boy.
I'm joining the Hollywood Disclosure Organization, which is.

Speaker 2 I'm joining that too. Yeah, this is all about, I'm joining the

Speaker 2 group of the most important people in the world, the actors, that are trying to fight for disclosure, UFO disclosure. Yes.
And we're really pulling out all the stops. We're having Zooms.

Speaker 2 We're having Twitch streams. Glooms.
You're having having glooms as well. It is June.
Everyone's sad about, you know, not, you know, there's no work anymore. So we have to all talk about aliens now.

Speaker 2 Well, I'm talking to my fucking world. I would rather talk to an actor about aliens than about the fact that they're not working.
Yes. So to be honest, you should be thankful too.

Speaker 2 Because then we don't have to talk about acting. Yeah, we, you know, Rob saw Thomas Jane at

Speaker 2 the contact. I fucking smelled Thomas Jane coming.
He smelled like a leopard. Is that why the food was so bad? Dude, he doesn't wear shoes.

Speaker 2 For those guys don't know, Thomas Jane's one of those guys, he specifically doesn't wear shoes.

Speaker 2 He is a smelly boy. He was fine.
He wasn't that smelly in the elevator. I think it's because you were dealing with that.
You were just titty at the same time. With his shoes on?

Speaker 2 It was the morning, so I think he was fresh out of the shower.

Speaker 2 He was very tired, though. He seems like the kind of guy that does wash himself in like city

Speaker 2 structures. Oh, yeah.
Like he'll go up to a fountain, a bank,

Speaker 2 and he'll wash himself. As soon as he passes the river, he's like, you mind any guys if I pop out, take take a quick bath? Whatever you need, Tom.

Speaker 2 You were the punisher, after all,

Speaker 2 absolutely,

Speaker 2 you're right. One of the

Speaker 2 John, John, we all know John Burnt. Burntal is the punisher.
Yeah, he is the real punisher. But also, before we move on, I'm very excited for Saturday, No Kings Day,

Speaker 2 June 14th. Go to nokings.org if you want to protest.
If you want an organized, safe protesting, it's all over the country. You go ahead and type in your zip code.

Speaker 2 I could walk to mine. See, that's the best.
I think it could be.

Speaker 2 If I could walk to the protest, done. Are you kidding me? I'll go.
I didn't have to go to downtown and I could still mildly protest. I want to bring sandwiches.

Speaker 2 You guys are making fun of Los Angeles for this garbage, and I have too. I've seen this before.
I know we do tend to protest before brunch. It's Los Angeles.

Speaker 2 But listen, do you have any idea what it takes to add to the schedule of a lazy stoner in Los Angeles? If they're willing to to go out of their way to protest.

Speaker 2 There are things wrong in this fucking country. I don't want to go to any of this shit.
He just told me I got to go do this thing. And if it's down the street for me, I can't say no.
You can't say no.

Speaker 2 I literally have to go. 11 to 1 down the street.
That's convenient.

Speaker 2 I get to wake up at a nice time and get a coffee and go and fucking yell at that. fucking pedophile.
Nothing makes me happier. Honestly, yeah, no, it's going to be great.

Speaker 2 But yeah, the main No Kings protest is going to be in Philadelphia. So if you're anywhere close to Philadelphia, go to Philadelphia and join those fuckers.
They're trying to have

Speaker 2 the stupid ass military parade they're holding in DC. Don't go to DC

Speaker 2 because they're just going to count you as someone who went to their parade. We'll also know that if you're going to go to the military parade and protest, all the military stuff.

Speaker 2 It's going to be there.

Speaker 2 So just know that if you're looking to not get sprayed with tear gas or hit with a fucking net or hit with a sound machine or hit any one of these various things that they're gonna employ around the DC area it's probably best to make your displeasure known yes outside of it it's for the best it's for the best all right so we got some good that's honestly that's wonderful we got some new live shows new side stories live shows that that is completely does that doesn't help society that's just us go to lastpodcastontheleft.com you're gonna buy those tickets and see Eddie and I flapping our our bellies in Salt Lake City salt all right so Friday June 11th, Jordan Landing, Utah, part of Salt Lake City.

Speaker 2 We're going to be at the Wise Guys Comedy Club

Speaker 2 at 9.30 p.m. That's going to be a blast.
Thursday, August 7th, we're going to be in Asheville, North Carolina. That's the orange peel

Speaker 2 for you. That is definitely a bucket list venue for me.
I'm very excited. I've always wanted to do.
I've never been to Asheville. I love Asheville.
I've heard it's awesome.

Speaker 2 It's one of the great cities in our nation. I'm very excited.

Speaker 2 Sunday, September 21st, Kansas City, Missouri. Never been.
Man, best. The Truman.
Still the best meal I've ever had is in Kansas City. We will be back and eating that food.

Speaker 2 I can't wait to get sick on your barbecue, Kansas City, Missouri. We'll be at the Truman on Saturday, September 21st.
October 24th.

Speaker 2 We're doing it, baby. We're coming back to Redway.
That's right, Humboldt. Mattiel Community Center, we're coming for you.

Speaker 2 Friday, October 24th, the show that you saw last year is coming back, and it's going to be bigger, hotter, and fatter. It better be.
I I know I am.

Speaker 2 And November 30th, we're going to be in Columbus, Ohio. That's a Sunday after Thanksgiving.
You weren't as excited about that one. I'm very excited.
I love my Ohio people.

Speaker 2 I'm just saying that Columbus, Ohio, we know that's Epstein Country. So we're going to be bringing.
We know that Travis is going to have to open for us. We don't really have a choice.

Speaker 2 He basically said, he said along the lines, I think he's like, I'm the guy.

Speaker 2 Like, I'm the Columbus guy.

Speaker 2 And we're like, all right, well,

Speaker 2 Travis is open. So that's your request because of your request.
He's coming to that. But more important than these side story shows, I have to say, your baby, Henry.
The seance.

Speaker 2 June 20th, it's going to be live on YouTube. LPN-TV on YouTube.
I believe it starts at

Speaker 2 6 p.m. I imagine it's around 6 p.m.
PST. I think that we're going a little bit later.
I think it might be. Check out the socials for that.
We got it on the so-called.

Speaker 2 We'll find out the exact time, but it is coming live to our YouTube channel. My calendar says 6 p.m.
Yes, go and subscribe. That means I should get there like at least an hour early, right?

Speaker 2 We'll get you there. I'll tell you what.

Speaker 2 Don't worry. I'll give you the information closer to the day.
Do people buy tickets? Not yet. But they will be able to.
Very limited. And I imagine that the tickets are going to be Patreon only.
Okay.

Speaker 2 And because you are going to be able to experience this up close. And I do want to say, anybody that is attending in person, this is a very legit seance.
This is faux real. You're doing this.

Speaker 2 It is the weird part about this. Oh, yeah.
I'm less scared than I was.

Speaker 2 I don't know what changed in me. I think it's because you're just getting beaten.
At first, I was like, oh, no, I could never. And now I'm like, yeah, who cares if a ghost follows me? Exactly.

Speaker 2 You're getting beaten. Marcus is still scared, and I like that.
Yeah, I don't think. Yeah, that's the thing.
It's like, what could a ghost really do?

Speaker 2 A ghost pushed my mom down the stairs, apparently. Yeah, I didn't even mean it didn't kill her.
Didn't kill her. Broke her nose, though.
Yeah, but that's different.

Speaker 2 And she doesn't drink, so something had to push her your mom was kind of clumsy

Speaker 2 i never saw her fall but you know she she wasn't like

Speaker 2 an a tier athlete no she couldn't do the hurdles no she can't do uh she can't do like a what you call like an ollie she couldn't throw a javelin i'll tell you that much very good segue we're gonna bring up that story very soon let's first do an update is in the proper fashion of side stories it happened the second we stop recording yes uh this man that we talked about how dangerous he was grant harden former police chief convicted killer known as the devil in the ozarks he was captured only a mile and a half yeah he escaped from how would they how hard were they looking

Speaker 2 this is like

Speaker 2 he was in a bush

Speaker 2 That is where he was. He wasn't.
Even Saddam Hussein was in a tunnel. Yeah.

Speaker 2 He was on land, just in a bush, living a groundhog's life.

Speaker 2 They just found him. They didn't need to have a shirt.
He was all floppy-titted out in the woods.

Speaker 2 He lost the shirt. I don't know why.
He should have kept it on. He got scratched by brains.

Speaker 2 He looked so bad, they gave him a shirt. Yeah, they're like, yeah, you know, this is disgusting.
Oh, yeah, we have to cover you up. You look like the fucking what's her name from Barbarian.

Speaker 2 You look like the monster from

Speaker 2 Barbarian. We have to fucking cover you up.
He looked like shit. So Grant Harden has been arrested.
Do you know who got him? Who? Border Patrol.

Speaker 2 That's one lucky get. And he knows it was nowhere near the fucking border.
No, certainly not.

Speaker 2 So, yeah, exactly. What are they doing up there? What are they doing in Arkansas? I guess it's these are guys.
Side stories, L-P-O-T-L.com.

Speaker 2 I think legitimately they are there because everybody is just, these are, they're hiring guys that have like a hard-on for anybody that's, I mean, I just don't understand anybody that's got like, just like a family and kids here from another country i'll never understand they're like oh i'm so proud of our department and staff he was gone for a week and a half he was within

Speaker 2 a mile a literal errand's amount of walking i could from the prison it's a 20 minute walk

Speaker 2 and he just walked into the woods late he had no other plan. I guess it's like everybody just assumed.
You know what it is true?

Speaker 2 This is the power of lying about how strong you are, like, as a criminal. This is the power because of the devil and the Ozarks, because of how well organized all that was.
I'm afraid of him.

Speaker 2 I also believe that he probably will, if there is a way to figure that out, I bet you that he is guilty for several more sexual assaults, probably several more murders, the fact that it all happened so easily.

Speaker 2 But he had no plan. Everybody just assumed that he would be on a helicopter in Scandinavia, having figured it all out.
And it just, he was just like, all right, maybe if I had, all right, what hides?

Speaker 2 He went camping. I had like a mouse.

Speaker 2 Mice hide. Yeah, go down where the mice hide.
Yeah, that's where I'll go. Go down by the dirt.
Yeah, slither, like slither like a snake.

Speaker 2 Maybe the great spirits of the Native American ancestors are come and turn me. Turn me into a snake.
Help me, Wendigo.

Speaker 2 Help me. And they were like, and they just didn't come for him like they came for Pocahontas.
No.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Talon's. Yeah, he's a, but he's caught.
They got him. Sad.
Yep. Got him really quickly.
Don't worry about it if you're someone that's scared of him. Wrapped it up.
Wrapped it up.

Speaker 2 Wrapped up, everybody. Sarah Cubi Sanders is very happy about it.
Oh, good. So she could finally get a chance to go on a date with him or something.
That fucking dumb bitch.

Speaker 2 I hope she could titch my fucking car. They definitely look like they have the same tits.
They do. Oh, yeah.
She's just jealous. She's like, who did your work?

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. Is that the Kendall Jenner lady? It's the Kendall Jenner person?

Speaker 2 That's amazing.

Speaker 2 All right. What else we got here? Because it's sad.
That's a sad little update. It's done.
It's done. It's an update.
We got it. It happened.
Live from North Lake.

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Speaker 2 I mean,

Speaker 2 let's talk about our T's a little bit here then.

Speaker 2 Our

Speaker 2 javelin lady. Oh, yes, this was.
All right. So this is one of those stories.
This is a quick story.

Speaker 2 You You know, that, like,

Speaker 2 you know, when you're in elementary school and you hear, like, there's like a, oh, oh, reason why you're not allowed to bring basketballs into, like, the tennis court anymore.

Speaker 2 Like, there's some horrific story from ages past that has, like, solidified into lore. And now it's like, you're like, why do we have these rules?

Speaker 2 And I always remember as a kid, my grandfather had lawn darts. Yes.
And we loved them. I mean, they're fun.
They're awesome. Yeah.
And then one day they all took them away. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Because they're all like, it's dangerous. Oh, you're going to fucking get hurt.
Someone's going to get killed with the lawn dart. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's horseshoes for

Speaker 2 you. You looked up, as soon as Rob looked up Lawn Dart, it just shows all these old-timey pictures of kids with fucking lawn darts sticking out of their fucking forehead.

Speaker 2 There's one guy just like, yeah, one on the back of his neck and them laying on the ground. They look like hors d'oeuvres at a party.

Speaker 2 But this story is why these stories get started. Yeah, so this happened in Russia.
Rushka.

Speaker 2 And she was a 13-year-old girl, dies, unfortunately, after a while. And in Rushka, I believe you can get married at 13.
I mean, I feel like you could do lots of shit.

Speaker 2 I think you can get married, but only to a bear. Ah.
Yes.

Speaker 2 But the

Speaker 2 so the she was she was impaled by a javelin during PE class in Russia.

Speaker 2 This poor little Anastasia.

Speaker 2 the javelin. Anastasia.

Speaker 2 She was impaled by the javelin. Try to say the name of the town, from the Fizz Ed town.
The Phys Ed town. It says here, now she was stuck through the eye through javelin during a Fizz Ed class in

Speaker 2 Prokoladni

Speaker 2 Pro Prok Prokoladni

Speaker 2 Cabaldino

Speaker 2 Balkleria. Russia.

Speaker 2 How would you like the medium rare?

Speaker 2 So she, unfortunately, she did pass away she died four days after this happened and because she was in a coma but I just have to think about what happened the javelin um the boy

Speaker 2 throwing it yeah 16 his name is Timur he was throwing the javelin and he was unsupervised and he threw it and it landed and it hit her in the eye and it went through her skull and out

Speaker 2 her mouth out down her mouth and so it didn't it seems like the reason she didn't die instantly is is it didn't actually hit her brain. No!

Speaker 2 Because it comes, you know, a javelin, it goes up and then it comes down, depending on how fat it goes, yeah, into her eye and down out back the end of her throat, and then through her body a little bit.

Speaker 2 You know, and the javelin coach, Vladimir Mershenko, he was that he apparently didn't immediately take her to the hospital.

Speaker 2 And do you think on some level he was just like, you see the mode, this is why you have to release a top of the arc. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You must increase the angle. The angle must come at the sharper angle from the top in order to pierce better.
You want it to go through brain. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Now, is this guy promoted to the javelin team or is he off the javelin team? I think he's getting sent to the part of Ukraine. It depends on how far away she was.

Speaker 2 I mean, if it's like, okay, if she says 15 yards, maybe he shouldn't get on the team. It's horrible.

Speaker 2 He said that he didn't release, he didn't say the proper amount of warnings because I guess you're supposed to like. He's a 16-year-old idiot.
He's unsupervised. But he's throwing the fucking javelin.

Speaker 2 If it's a PR,

Speaker 2 right?

Speaker 2 If it's a personal record. Personal record.
And it breaks some form of record within the, I mean, technically, I think that's the Olympics. Yes.

Speaker 2 I think that if he gets, if you, if he hit her square in the dome,

Speaker 2 I want to say, what's the longest? It's 90 meter? 95 meter? That's pretty good. Yeah, 95.
If he hit her at like 95, 97 meters, that's Olympic caliber. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So I do think that we can let him as I mean, the Rushkas, I don't think Rushka is even allowed in the Olympics anymore. I guess they are.
No, I don't think we allowed them the last time.

Speaker 2 Don't they have like a separate? They got caught cheating. I know that.

Speaker 2 I thought the Rushkas have a thing where they,

Speaker 2 the government can't send a sponsored one. Oh, Russia and

Speaker 2 the 2026 winter, but they're back because of the war. Ah, yeah, the war.
Are they coming? Oh, they're going to be in Los Angeles. Great.
Yeah, they'll be here. Where's Ice going to be then?

Speaker 2 Of course they're going to be here. Where's Ice going to be when the Russians are here? Oh, my God.
What about the 12 banned countries? Are they not allowed to be in the Olympics?

Speaker 2 It depends on advertising. Yeah.
I think it all depends on advertising, and I think it really depends on how the countries are testing.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and I imagine of all the Olympics, this would be the best for the Russian because they have one of their people in the top office.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. That would really help them.
This is good for them. Honestly, it would really help them.
So it's like a home game for Russia. Honestly, I want the people to come out.

Speaker 2 I want the athletes to be able to perform. Yeah.
I want them to be able to perform. They work so hard.
They do. They do.
You know, and they do. They don't know any difference.
No.

Speaker 2 You know, but yes, so this. I'm sorry this poor lady, this poor girl did not make it.

Speaker 2 But what a way to go.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. Got turned in.

Speaker 2 Nothing like getting turned into a corn dog. Yeah.
Now,

Speaker 2 we have a bunch of, that's funny. We have a bunch of really sad stories that I don't want to go into.
That was a funny one. That was the good one.
That was the funny one, guys. That was a good one.

Speaker 2 We have the Travis Decker story that I'm not going to get into about the three daughters that were zip-tied, and he popped plastic bags over their heads that they could die in their sleep.

Speaker 2 And then he went on a drug-fueled, I guess he's on the lamb. They're looking for him.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's a really upsetting story.

Speaker 2 There's the other upsetting story about the nurse, Kevin Coolong, who we would sedate.

Speaker 2 He would fondle women patients when they're sedated because he said he felt that they were flirting with him beforehand. Yeah, he quote said asking for it.

Speaker 2 He said the yes, and then he also said something along the lines that... If they were sedated, they were flirting.
And that's not how they, and that's how it does that.

Speaker 2 It's not how they do that, unless it's on an astral level. Yes.

Speaker 2 Which is, again, is very difficult to tell if you're flirting astrally. Again, it's very subtle.
Public beating for him, please. Also, men really take that.

Speaker 2 This is really taking the she was friendly to me trope way too far. This is a little, this is the, this is, this is too far.
If she has either

Speaker 2 too far, but this is way too far. Super far.
If she has like a little happy dream while she's knocked out and gets a little smile, that isn't a go for you to give her the old Al Franken, right?

Speaker 2 You can't get everything, give her the honky honks. Hey, all right.
He never touched. I know.
He never touched. You can't just give a lady honky honks just because she's asleep.
We all know this.

Speaker 2 We all know this, Eddie. I know, but Al Franken, I miss Al Franken.
We all do. Al Franken was our only shot at having a good president.
Yes.

Speaker 2 There's also the teenagers in Maryland who killed the owner of a koi pond for what seems to be no reason. Oh, that is a really also sad story.
Yes. Where they grabbed that man.
It was a couple.

Speaker 2 They were a high school couple about to graduate from high school. One of them's going to Notre Dame.
Ooh. Fighting Irish.
Well, maybe that's what it is. Getting ready.
Yes.

Speaker 2 And then they beat to death an old man. They went and they stomped this old man that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that did a they put him in his car and then they set fire fire to him inside of his car. Yes.
And that's not a funny story either. None of this is particularly.
They were about to graduate.

Speaker 2 They were. Not anymore.
No. Unless.
Well, yeah, I think, well, I mean, they can still graduate high school. Yeah, they can get their GED from

Speaker 2 jail. Well, if they already did, if they already passed their finals.

Speaker 2 So I guess they get their diploma no matter what. I think they get their diploma.
Side stories L-P-O-T L-A-G-Mail.com. If you've graduated before,

Speaker 2 but if you've graduated before the ceremony and you kill an old man with your bare hands, do you still get the diploma? Yeah. Do you let us know? Or maybe not the physical copy, but you email PDF?

Speaker 2 Yeah, you definitely learned the info. I think you would.
If you passed the test, I'd sue the high school. Yeah, why not?

Speaker 2 Here's another thing. If I was them.
If I was fucking them, fuck that. Fuck them.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean, no, I did the work. Yeah, I killed an old man for the thrill of it.
Sure, I did. It was fun for me.
Yeah, of course. I have no feelings.
But I definitely went to biology.

Speaker 2 We got another sad story. Oh, great.

Speaker 2 Good. Added to the pile.
This was supposed to be the week we came back strong comedically.

Speaker 2 This was supposed to be the week that we came back with a sort of light-hearted edge to everything that's going on right now, Eddie.

Speaker 2 If we do another sad story, I don't know if that's going to really hold up our end of the bargain. Black Creek Floyd was run over by a car.
Is that a guy? That's an alligator. Oh, that's fine.

Speaker 2 It's a famous, it's a local

Speaker 2 alligator in City. I thought Flat Creek Lloyd was just a famous homeless guy.
No, no, he was one of those guys that just would lay in the creek. She'd be like, don't mind me.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Because I'd also call him the log man or

Speaker 2 Mr. Mudbanks or, you know, because that'd be something else I'd give him.
And if he got hit by a car, I'd be sad. Yeah, so Flat Creek Floyd, famous alligator in Georgia.
I never heard of him.

Speaker 2 Big old gator.

Speaker 2 He lives in Peachtree City, Georgia. Oh, shit.
Yes, and he was, they tried to get rid of him a while ago. Big old old boy, big old fat alligator.

Speaker 2 I love the size of him. The footage of him is, he was huge.
He was 11 feet, nine inches long. He weighed about 500 pounds.

Speaker 2 Was he the road? And he lived under an overpass, and they kept trying to kill him. And then eventually there was this guy,

Speaker 2 a trapper named Jason Clark, who was like, we don't, he like talked to the city and he's like, listen, we need to let Flat Creek Floyd live. Just let him live.
We can coexist with Flat Creek Floyd.

Speaker 2 He's just there under the overpass.

Speaker 2 So they let Flat Creek Floyd live, but eventually this guy, this big motherfucker, this reptile guy,

Speaker 2 eventually he got hit by a car, unfortunately. And then when the reptile guy came up to him, he was literally...

Speaker 2 weeping holding he's like on top of this gator we he loved this gator so much and he's literally weeping like i don't want to kill you it's very sad

Speaker 2 too because he was bleeding internally

Speaker 2 and he knew that flat creek floyd was was dying and so did he snap his neck uh i think he he i i think i think he shot him in the back of the neck you don't just grab him by the whole throat and

Speaker 2 jostle him back and forth you ever watched the show where they like i forget what it was called but it was a it was a gator killing television show god you think i do really and then i used to i used to watch swamp people

Speaker 2 yeah because like every once in a while you got to kill a bunch of gators it's gator season you know and you got to kill the gator and so what they do is they actually shoot him in the back of the neck because that's where their brain is back in the back of the neck.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's over there, and they shoot him in the back of the neck. So, I imagine that's what Jason Clark did.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he wouldn't just choke him out. I don't think he could have.
Looks like he's smothering him. Yeah, it does look like he's just put a pillow over his face.

Speaker 2 This is him determining if he has to kill him or not. It doesn't look like he's doing it gently.
He said that

Speaker 2 the gator was bleeding from the inside, and

Speaker 2 it was time that he had to be euthanized. You know, honestly, though.
Black Creek Floyd. I miss you you already.
I will say he chose to live under an overpass, and that's a lifestyle.

Speaker 2 It is a lifestyle. And a part of that lifestyle might feature you getting hit by a car.
Yes. You know, and I, uh,

Speaker 2 they did their best to try to kill him in a way that I guess that they wanted to kill him. Yeah.
But then they let society do it. Yes.

Speaker 2 I mean, this is, you know, I guess this is the correct way for it to happen.

Speaker 2 Yes, I don't think so, but also I prefer it to have happened naturally

Speaker 2 than them necessarily going and garoting it for no reason. They buried him behind the police department.
That's extremely, I guess that's fine. I guess that's fine.
Yeah, sure. Yeah, sure, why not?

Speaker 2 You know, again, it's very sad stories.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because they had to deal with lots of uh, lots of uh numerous sightings, and they said, in lieu of flowers, um, send big boxes of chum, send big boxes of chum to the Peachtree, Georgia police station.

Speaker 2 Let's get that address. Maybe we pop that up there.
If anybody's got any loose chum,

Speaker 2 go ahead and send it on over yeah it'd be good they're looking for it they can't wait to receive your chum yeah but you know i never like losing a good gator nope no nope it's really very very sad especially ones that you know hide under bridges because that's their job yeah they're also again it's a gator where we were just at we just stayed in a hotel and like

Speaker 2 it was in florida

Speaker 2 and there was an active gator area yeah like behind the hotel which was awesome but also hilarious because it's just the little sign being like, mind small dogs.

Speaker 2 My favorite was where I grew up, there was a sign that told us not to feed magic mushrooms to the gators,

Speaker 2 which is just like that.

Speaker 2 I mean, you know, they start tripping. We could just start playing cards and stuff.
Yeah, that'd be kind of fun. Like, do you guys have any fish? Yeah, not the F, but PH

Speaker 2 fish.

Speaker 2 Could you put that on, please? Honestly. Normally, I like F-fish, but today I'm thinking, you know, let's go to a farmhouse.
I'm feeling some fucking anxiety, man.

Speaker 2 Listen, hey, hey, fat pink thing. You guys got any coloring books or anything?

Speaker 2 I need something to focus my attention. Hey, what do you think about this?

Speaker 2 It's a good little walk-and-beat, right? Oh, yeah, it is. Yeah.
Take that bass for a while. Now, obviously, the most important news of this week we have covered, we've talked about the LA protests.

Speaker 2 We've talked all about, you know, the martial war, martial law, and the Insurrection Act, but I think it's important.

Speaker 2 You put the corp and corpse and habeas corpse. I said, thank you.
Thank you.

Speaker 2 Perfect. Yeah, you fucked that up.
You put corpse and habeas corpse corpse. We're just

Speaker 2 gonna go to the bathroom. Fuck you.
We're leaving it like this. We're leaving it like this.
Fuck you, you fat corpse. God damn.
I will leave one.

Speaker 2 But just so you know, as of today, there has been 11 baby names that have been banned in the U.S. We determined that these baby names are illegal.
Illegal. Illegal.
Now, this is true.

Speaker 2 This is a list of 11 baby names. This is a great find, Rob.
Thank you, Rob, for sending us to this. This is my favorite thing I've read in a while.

Speaker 2 So these are the names that are not allowed in America. Well, New Zealand and Japan, they banned a whole bunch of names, but America's, we can usually get away with everything.
We got 11 names.

Speaker 2 Neva names. You're not allowed to name your baby these 11 names.
King, queen. Why not? I guess, I don't know.
I guess I would assume that you're a day.

Speaker 2 How dumb are we?

Speaker 2 Prince fucking. You could do prince and princess.
I know. Why can't you do king and queen?

Speaker 2 I think because prince and princess, in the end, look at fucking, look at the dipshit we have that's working for Spotify. Prince means nothing.
Yes. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Prince and princess mean jack fucking shit. It's true.
King and queen mean something.

Speaker 2 I guess you have to be a special type of moron to think that if I'm King Zabrowski, that you need to treat me with some form of monarch-like importance.

Speaker 2 Now, can you change your name as an adult to king? I don't. That's a good chance.
That's a good question. Side story.
Let's find out. Let's find out.
Other names. Jesus Christ.
Not allowed.

Speaker 2 Which is hilarious because it's not like your name's not Jesus Christ. It's that your full name can't be Jesus Christ Larson.
Yes. Which is amazing.
It's sad. Because Jesus,

Speaker 2 we all know is allowed. Well, not according to ICE.

Speaker 2 Then we've got.

Speaker 2 Then we got three, right? The letter, the number, the Roman numeral.

Speaker 2 I-I-I. Yes, I-I-I.
I don't know why. Not one, not two, not four.
Do you think that maybe this is ill?

Speaker 2 Like ill-matic? Yeah. Like a license to ill.
It could be ill. I mean, it could be a capital I and two lowercase L's.

Speaker 2 You can be named ill if you want to be named ill. I think that's fucking cool.
It is cool. Yeah, obviously.
Ill Larson. Ill Larson's a fun ass name.
It is a cool name.

Speaker 2 It's a super disrespectful child. It's aye, aye, aye.
It's aye, aye, aye. Okay, okay.
Still dumb. Still dumb.
Santa Claus. Can't be named a Santa Claus.
Why not?

Speaker 2 Again, don't want to distract. If you idolize Santa Claus and you want to name your fucking kid after Santa Claus, then you technically, I believe, have a mental disorder.

Speaker 2 Then there's Majesty, probably same along the same reasons along the lines of the king and queen.

Speaker 2 Adolf Hitler. It's interesting.
They put the both. You could still do Adolf, apparently, and you could still do Hitler, but you can't do Adolf Hitler.
I don't know.

Speaker 2 They're just saying, you can't be Adolf Hitler Okey.

Speaker 2 You can't be.

Speaker 2 Also, what I don't understand is Nutella. Nutella.
I mean, that's just someone. That's like multiple people are like, my kid's name, Nutella.
Someone's like, we have to stop this.

Speaker 2 But why can't, can it? Is it true for all things? Can I not name my child Charleston Chu? I think Zabrowski.

Speaker 2 what about hazel when the middle name's nut hazel nut that's yeah i mean that's again you're

Speaker 2 that should be allowed you're making a stripper yes but you're allowed to you're allowed to then yeah new tella is the name of a difficult woman at the dmb yeah like this is a what do we do all right so then there's messiah which i still think is weird because i feel like that's more of a nickname for jesus yeah then the at symbol yeah the at symbol and then 1069

Speaker 2 I don't understand what 1069, why that matters. 1099 makes sense.
42069 makes sense. This is my son, 420.
So I can name my kid 420. What is your common air police code?

Speaker 2 Oh, it's a police code for what? I don't know. 1069.
What is the police code? I know 187 is murder, death kill. Yeah.
Demolition makes it nicknamed 187 on the motherfucker. I don't know the original

Speaker 2 October 1969. What happened then? I think that was in Kent State.
Beatles did something.

Speaker 2 I don't don't know. Fuck it.
I don't know. Why can we not say 1069? I don't know.

Speaker 2 But what I do think is interesting is that most Illinois and South Carolina, they can use numbers and symbols in their child's name. Okay.

Speaker 2 I don't know how you say those things. Obscene names are banned in New Jersey, which I find very insulting.
Yeah. Because honestly, my Aunt Cunt would like a word.

Speaker 2 All right. That's a family name.
Well, my Aunt Cunt is Aunt Judy. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Got your fucking ass, Judy. I know you listen.

Speaker 2 I know, but she's deaf. Oh, good.

Speaker 2 Excellent. Doesn't make her nice.
That's so goddamn sure. What's sign language for Kunt?

Speaker 2 I'm looking this up right now. Is it the finger in the hole? I'm looking up right now.
Or is it just the hole? Just keep going.

Speaker 2 I want to find out

Speaker 2 what other names can we add.

Speaker 2 Oh, to the list? Yeah. I mean, I feel like...
Kunt

Speaker 2 should be on the list. There's no curse words on the list, which is.
Dirty

Speaker 2 how to sign cunt. How about Goebbels? If we're adding Hitler, let's add Goebbels.
I feel like that gerbil. Mangala.
You know what it is? Is that they are still kind of off-brand. Yeah.
To this day.

Speaker 2 A little inside. Yeah.
Baby programs. All right, just tell me how to say cunt.

Speaker 2 All right. How about this?

Speaker 2 You're not doing it. You're just teaching me deaf history.
What about a lot? What about a lore?

Speaker 2 If you want to learn cunt through sign language, you got to learn the history.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 No. All right.
Oh, wait. So, this is vagina.

Speaker 2 Vagina. Vagina.
Vagina. But how'd you say cunt, though? I think you go like

Speaker 2 that.

Speaker 2 In Mississippi, a baby will automatically be given the father's last name unless the parents request a different name. I mean, that's kind of more patriarchal everywhere.

Speaker 2 You know what I love is my favorite one. In Florida, if parents don't sign a document agreeing to the baby's name, the court selects a name.

Speaker 2 This is your son, DeSantis. Wario.

Speaker 2 This is your son. Strawberry, Guava Berry.

Speaker 2 Done. Flat Creek.

Speaker 2 Cunt ass shit. Ah, fucker.
Ah, I'm not. All these names.
None of these work. Shit.

Speaker 2 You know what would be a good name to get rid of?

Speaker 2 Keith.

Speaker 2 You know, what do we think about like a normal name just to get rid of? Just one band name? Let's just get rid of one. Like, if you got it, you get to keep it, but no new

Speaker 2 Sarah's. You know who I'm done with, really?

Speaker 2 A Brandon. I'm definitely done with Brandon.
I think we hit our peak. I think Brandon's out.
I think we got enough. What about Brendan's?

Speaker 2 That's not as.

Speaker 2 We're making enemies. Yeah, sure.
But get rid of Brendan. What of a Brendan? Yeah.
We're going to make a Brendan an enemy. I know.
What's Brendan going to do?

Speaker 2 And it doesn't seem very threatening, does it? No, I don't think Brendan's going to. But then we're going to get like, you know, one of these 700 Marines is going to be a Brendan.

Speaker 2 Hey, my name's Brendan. Who's my deppy who's my puppy's name he died in vietnam his pappy died in the korean war i've come here to die in los angeles

Speaker 2 i've come here to fight the war right here in studio city but edith

Speaker 2 edith is cute i i miss the old names yeah i miss the old names i miss rodney i miss arosco love a rodney where's arosco at who's got the cock to name their child rodney seriously where are all the rodneys Rodneys?

Speaker 2 I want a little

Speaker 2 masculine child to be named Rodney with a chain

Speaker 2 or not. I think Rodney actually be a cute girl's name.
Why not? I'd be a cute girl. Rodna.

Speaker 2 Ew.

Speaker 2 Ew. Name's Rodney.
I don't like Rodney. I'm here to smoke cigarettes and lick ass.
Do you know the sign language word for cunt?

Speaker 2 It's a picture of me. Oh, these are the most popular names.
Olivia, I got a niece name. Everybody's doing the Olivia, and the the Sophie thing is big now.
Charlotte is huge. Also, Henry is big.

Speaker 2 I have an Isabel and I have an Ella. All right, now we're just in the, and this is not radio.
Elijah is number four? Yeah, I know, Elijah. He's always missing.
I don't know. Ezra?

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's a big thing now, too. We just got to move on.
There's a big spike. There's a big spike in dumb names up in here.
Ezra, honestly, is a very nice name.

Speaker 2 I'm glad that you're my buddy Craig's son is named Ezra. He's actually a very lovely, not problem.
Henry's also very big now. Henry's big now.
Yes. He's been big for a while.

Speaker 2 It's a reaction to medicine.

Speaker 2 It's a reaction to medicine.

Speaker 2 That medicine is

Speaker 2 butter.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 You did first. Sounds better.
Live from North Lane.

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Speaker 2 All right, Henry. Well, I don't like talking about sad shit, but we've been doing it all day today, so you might.
What's sad about what we've been covering? You're right. It's all hilarious.

Speaker 2 Thank you. You know what? Forget it.
I'm fine. Let's go home.

Speaker 2 One of our boys died. One of our true, like,

Speaker 2 as friends, one of our, like, idols died.

Speaker 2 It was one of those that I didn't even

Speaker 2 want to acknowledge yet because it had made me very sad. But he also was

Speaker 2 probably

Speaker 2 next to George Clinton,

Speaker 2 one of the most formative voices in my brain. Yeah.
No, so important. Of course, we're talking about Sly Stone passed away of Sly and the Family Stone.
People don't probably even know.

Speaker 2 If you don't know who Sly Stone is, you probably do. He made some of the biggest, like, you know, very sampled songs.
Everyday people,

Speaker 2 you know, all that good stuff. I mean, his albums were unbelievable.
If you ever listen to Mama Said, Knock You Out, Family Affair. Family Affair is fucking perfect.
That album,

Speaker 2 there's a riot going on, is in my top five albums of all time. It's wonderful.
It is the only sad funk album. And it's beautiful.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 People like forget, especially within funk, because I feel like funk of all of the musical genres is the most maligned.

Speaker 2 I feel like a lot of people don't really understand, except for Ska, because Ska can go fuck itself. Yeah, what are you going to do? We're going to sit here and talk good about Ska.

Speaker 2 But funk is one of those where

Speaker 2 people

Speaker 2 don't understand that you can have emotion in funk. Yes.
And that's what Slystone did. That's what Slystone and Parliament did that was different than what anybody else did.

Speaker 2 They were making statements without making statements. They were like making statements, but they were like, okay, here's something very important for us to say, but also like, we need to party.

Speaker 2 You have to party. Yeah, like that's what I love about funk.
It's like, we can acknowledge the madness, but remember, we have to party. Yeah, because if we're not partying, do you understand?

Speaker 2 Then they win. Well, also, we're going to die.
Yes. So at some point, we're going to die.
And you,

Speaker 2 everybody on their deathbed, everybody says, I wish I had more fun. Like, every single one.
Not Sly. Not Sly.
Sly Stone did not say that. No.
I think he says,

Speaker 2 well, Sly was a very difficult man. Yeah, well, he wasn't really like, from what I know of him, he didn't have a bad reputation as like, like an abuser or anything like that.
He was just a difficult.

Speaker 2 He was a perfectionist. A lot of drugs.
Yes. He did lots and lots and lots of crack, you know, which is unfortunate.
He got really weird. And then when George Clinton got sober, he didn't really.

Speaker 2 He almost got sober a couple times. He ended up being homeless.

Speaker 2 He wrote some of the most influential, huge songs ever, and he just had bad contracts and didn't, he didn't understand the concept of if your song is in a movie, you should get paid off of that.

Speaker 2 No, he never didn't understand that. Like when you look at everyday people, yes, it's in commercials and stuff like that.
But if you just go to Spotify, it has 245 million listens.

Speaker 2 Like, that's like such a fucking crazy number. The man, the fact that this man ended up homeless just shows like what happened and how bad things can be in like you know in the record industry.

Speaker 2 But he made it some of the most beautiful music ever made. Dance to the music if you want me to stay.
Thank you for letting me be myself, which I love. It's one of my best favorite songs.

Speaker 2 In the summertime, I want to take you higher. K-Syra Syrah.
Obviously, that's a cover. K-Sera.

Speaker 2 i love um it's just like a baby

Speaker 2 i caught you smiling i love it

Speaker 2 again

Speaker 2 he's the the best uh stand um you know it the everything that that man put together died penniless it's crazy

Speaker 2 it is so upsetting so fucking sad it really is but side stone

Speaker 2 like if you don't know his music first of all i don't know how but just spend a day with those first six albums or five albums.

Speaker 2 They're back-to-back, fucking amazing, especially Riot Going On and Standards. Means something.
Our perfect album.

Speaker 2 Especially right now, this shit fucking means something.

Speaker 2 So go and check it out. Slystone.
They're one of the first groups to like really like, half of us are white, half of us are black, half of us are chicks, half of us are dudes.

Speaker 2 And like they were just like,

Speaker 2 we want everyone's input. And it was like, no one was doing that shit.
And they did. And it was fucking cool.
And it was awesome. And it seemed lame at first.
And then time fucking told.

Speaker 2 Because it was like one of the most sampled artists in hip-hop history. It's everything about Sly and what he did for music and just like.

Speaker 2 Good times. Yeah, I did.

Speaker 2 You know, like, he means so much to me. I just watched the new documentary that just came out.
It like just came out. It just came out.
It's on Hulu. Questlub's second movie.
It's called Sly Lives.

Speaker 2 Unfortunately.

Speaker 2 George is all over it. He's interviewed all over it.
It's a lot of fun.

Speaker 2 But yeah, go check it out and

Speaker 2 make some time for Sly Stone this weekend before you go to the No Kings rally. Did you hear that he might have had an affair with Doris Day?

Speaker 2 Oh, and that is why he made K Sarasara

Speaker 2 will be

Speaker 2 a fucking perfect version of that song. Oh, my God.
I love that. You know who else he was with for a while? Ruth Copeland, that uh P-Funk uh backup singer who actually put out those two amazing albums

Speaker 2 with all of like P-Funk as her backing band. Do you guys understand anything about P-Funk or like oh, they all like they put out so many different albums on different labels?

Speaker 2 They were like getting open for each other, so everyone would get paid twice. It was just like, it was kind of genius.

Speaker 2 But and then Sly ended up opening for P-Funk when P-Funk was on their fucking stadium tour, which was they were the first black stadium tour, and he was their opener. Either way,

Speaker 2 an icon has passed and if i didn't bring it up i would be kicking myself um so if you don't know sly and a family stone just take some time but eddie i think we'll be all right because we have benson boone let's move on uh i i'd rather say pat boon benson boone uh is is talentless let's get on flip flip anybody can flip i could see i saw the cheerleading you ever watched the young ladies cheerleading expeditions fascinating stuff.

Speaker 2 But they can get it. What's your favorite part? Yeah, but they can, anybody can flip.
Anybody can flip.

Speaker 2 There you go.

Speaker 2 We got letters. Some listener emails.
What do they got to say? Now, I went into a little bit of a research hole on the Glimmer Man. Oh, one thing.

Speaker 2 I did.

Speaker 2 I immediately forgot it existed until right now again.

Speaker 2 Welcome. Yeah.
So I watched Missing 4011, The Hunted, done by David Paulides, who did Missing 4011. Now, for those of you that don't know, we've talked about missing 401 for a fucking decade.

Speaker 2 It is about basically David Paulites was a researcher that realized that the national park systems don't have a missing, they don't have a centralized missing persons report or a data by the way.

Speaker 2 That's where people go missing the most. But

Speaker 2 it's also considered to be this sort of like weird legal like hazy zone between the park rangers and the police and what they're allowed to do. Tree cops.
Tree cops.

Speaker 2 But the thing is, the tree cops, they are a lot of times operating at a 1975 technological level. Yes.
You know what I mean? So these guys are writing shit down. So that's where it started.

Speaker 2 Mysteriously. Does people allow to use paper? Or do they hear the tree scream? Yeah, they're like, I can't constantly write that down.
I only have to write it my own feces.

Speaker 2 An estimated 1,000 to 2,500 people go missing in national parks each year? Right? We don't know.

Speaker 2 That's a huge gap. It is.
It is. But Missing 401.

Speaker 2 That's called statistics.

Speaker 2 But the

Speaker 2 Missing 401 was always investigating the more mysterious ones. Like, they always kind of had a series of parameters of like, you know, experience hunter.

Speaker 2 goes missing found in a different place miles away from where they were found a lot of times either stripped from their stripped naked or scuba diver found in tree so weird you know whatever but then he read he did missing 4011 the hunted which is uh it's starting to hedge into the area where he's like it's aliens, which I love my aliens, but it's also like I actually kind of like it better when it's even more mysterious.

Speaker 2 But since then, it had a whole thing on the glimmer man, this idea of seeing a predator-like

Speaker 2 thing.

Speaker 2 And I just wanted to read another email because I actually did receive about 15 Glimmer Mail Glimmer Man emails, glimmer mails, glimmer mails. Could you read them or were they facing?

Speaker 2 Yes, phasing in and out. No, the reason why it's like actually

Speaker 2 sent by Kid and Ivory Wings.

Speaker 2 Yes. Honestly, though, the Steven Seagal Glamour Man doesn't hold up as well.
I imagine. So that was a part of my research.

Speaker 2 It's not good. It's not a good film.

Speaker 2 He is at a, he's looking very pudgy in that movie. That's when it started.
Yeah, it's when he really started becoming, I think it's called an Eclair lifestyle.

Speaker 2 It's a movie called the Clamour Man

Speaker 2 for all the clams he was eating at the time.

Speaker 2 We have more clams.

Speaker 2 All right, here we go. Here's an email.
I was listening to the latest side stories and perked up immediately when you talked about the Glimmer Man.

Speaker 2 It immediately reminded me of the 2010 story of Jan McAbee. Jan McAbee.
Wife to MUFON State Director of Maryland, Bruce McAbee. Bruce McAbee.

Speaker 2 Bruce actually maintained a website for his ufological research and included a page on his wife's story. Unfortunately, it looks like the site was taken offline after 2016.

Speaker 2 But I'm including a link to his write-up on archive.org.

Speaker 2 What makes Jan's story so interesting is she actually took a picture of what she saw, but the picture came out distorted, and in a resolution, her Blackberry was incapable of being said to.

Speaker 2 Bruce had also had a Blackberry suck with pictures.

Speaker 2 I remember my Blackberry, and I tried to, every time I tried to take a photograph, it was a goddamn disease. It's real stupid, right? So here's the write-up that old

Speaker 2 Jan did. Oh,

Speaker 2 big bags, Jan. I wasn't going to say anything, but she's doing all right.
It was Wednesday, September 29th, the next last day in September. Thanks.

Speaker 2 And hustle, hunting season for deer in Ohio was just four days old.

Speaker 2 I shouldn't read this whole thing. It's real bad.
The day started cool and damp, and then became a beautiful, warm day with a nice sunset. Jan was anxious to have been hunting.

Speaker 2 Her breasts were heaving and wet from the footdo.

Speaker 2 So much exposition. Her method of hunting consisted of waiting and watching while seated in a tree stand.
Isn't that hunting? The seat of her stand is at the top of a 15-foot ladder.

Speaker 2 Her seat in the northwestern corner of a many-acred wood that is surrounded by a large planted field and low-density residential areas. Her seat faces the east and is surrounded on all sides by trees.

Speaker 2 She She didn't hunt in the morning, but she did climb up the 15-foot ladder to the seat to test the newly installed bow hanger.

Speaker 2 She took a picture of her bow hanging from the bow hanger. She took the picture with her BlackBerry, Pearl Model 8130.
All right.

Speaker 2 The phone records, the chords, day and time of the picture, the spatial resolution, the total bite size. All right.
Is that the picture, Rob? This is a picture here of just the bow, right?

Speaker 2 And then there's old sexy Jan, right? Jan's there looking a little bit like a, she's looking a little bit like a Bill Belichick, but I like her attitude, right?

Speaker 2 She's like a cross between Bill and Jordan.

Speaker 2 She went to her tree stand about 5.30 and sat.

Speaker 2 A squirrel. A squirrel was dropping nut pieces on her head.
And animals, birds, and crickets were moving and making noise.

Speaker 2 To occupy her time, she was texting, quote-unquote, texting with her phone, a means of silent communication. You don't need to explain what texting is.

Speaker 2 At about 6.21 p.m., she decided to photograph herself from the tree stand. She was facing east with the sun at her back.
She hailed the camera above and to her left.

Speaker 2 The sun was behind her, low in the west, with the light filtering through the tree branches. It's this picture here in which you get the side look of her jowls.
Suddenly, the woods went quiet.

Speaker 2 Noise stopped. The silent was weird.
It so surprised and unnerved her that she wrote a text message to her friend. Something is wrong.
The woods just went to a dead silence. No squirrels.
No birds.

Speaker 2 It's odd.

Speaker 2 She thought a coyote or maybe a black panther, some predator animal, caused the quiet.

Speaker 2 As she knows, as hunters know, that when a predator such as a bear enter an area, the other animals tend to become quiet.

Speaker 2 Then she became aware that a weird visual effect was moving right towards her field of view at an apparent distance of maybe 15 to 20 feet. She said it looked as if she was looking through saran wrap.

Speaker 2 Alright.

Speaker 2 She compared the distortion of the scene as being somewhat like the effect of the invisible creature in the Predator movie.

Speaker 2 This distortion was at a higher altitude than her, about 15 feet above the ground. Perhaps she was about, it was about 25 feet off the ground above the ground.

Speaker 2 She took off her glasses and rubbed her right eye thinking at first she had a floater

Speaker 2 but after rubbing it it was still there it was not a floater

Speaker 2 that's when a little dot is in your eye yeah i get floaters

Speaker 2 i get floaters yeah yeah and she recalls that she held the camera in her right hand about a foot and a half from her face pointed the camera in the direction of the distortion and took a picture and she recalls the picture the picture was taken

Speaker 2 about taking a single picture for about half an hour the picture should show the nearby trees but that's not what the picture shows. We don't need to read every.
It's that right there. It's this! Yep.

Speaker 2 It's a blur. It's a blur with hair.
A minute or so later, she took two more pictures of herself, one of which is shown below right here. You can see it.
Nope, that's just Bush's. Hey, there she is.

Speaker 2 There she's. There's obviously her hair.

Speaker 2 Where's my fucking Jan? This is obviously her own hair. Meow me,

Speaker 2 Jan. Oh, Jan, what did I do to get my claws up? Do you think her tits got in the way of her photography? Yeah, honestly, I feel like she took a picture through her tits.

Speaker 2 After sitting for an hour and a half more, she left the tree stand about 7.45 and came to dinner with our guests for the evening. They were having beaver.

Speaker 2 After dinner closed down. It looks like she's in a tree lay down, not a tree stand.

Speaker 2 It's more of a tree sit-down.

Speaker 2 Is there an end to the story? Nope. At the end of this,

Speaker 2 she didn't think to mention her strange experience.

Speaker 2 And then she said that she saw a Facebook message from one of her nephews.

Speaker 2 He said after she had this weird sighting. We were playing tonight on the field, and just as it was starting to get dark, a huge bright light appears over the field and begins to move sideways.

Speaker 2 Then in a matter of five seconds or so, it disappeared, getting smaller almost every second. About five minutes later, it reappeared.
This time it was amber in color.

Speaker 2 I know of four people who saw this, and according to an upperclassman, you got to believe the seniors, the same thing happened last year, and they actually stopped rehearsal.

Speaker 2 So this lady's saying that maybe it's connected to strange lights that they saw on the other side. How many like alien sightings or strokes?

Speaker 2 Five.

Speaker 2 Five out of 12. It's not what this made me think of while we're rambling through this non-coherent story.
The

Speaker 2 is how much I would like to see, you remember the show To Catch a Predator? Oh, yeah. But like without Chris Hansen, it is Predator.
I love this. Wouldn't that be great?

Speaker 2 I think we've, this is the thing. I've talked to you about this idea before, but never into a microphone.
Predators. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
To catch a predator starring predator.

Speaker 2 How to meet a predator. Because a predator could throw its voice, like as a little girl.
Like, the guy shows up and it's just like, come, fuck me. I just got out of shot.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And then it's just like three lights go onto his forehead and his brain comes on side. Edit that out, put that in your pocket.
You just made yourself a million dollars. At least.

Speaker 2 Well, that story didn't convince anybody.

Speaker 2 But this next one will.

Speaker 2 This next story came as a result of us talking about penis implants. Oh, thank God.
Now something I want to talk about. Something really tangible.

Speaker 2 Paul Paul got a penis implant.

Speaker 2 That's the title of the email.

Speaker 2 I was listening to side stories last week and my ears perked up. Same literal sentence as the other one.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 When Henry mentioned a particular kind of penile implant, the one with the boner button in your balls. My Paul Paul got a penis implant of this kind, I think, in late 60s, around the year 2000.

Speaker 2 He was a married man for many decades at that point. My Nana, Nan, Nana,

Speaker 2 Nana, not Nana. No, that's what it says here.
You're correcting me. You're Nana? You did say it wrong.
No, you didn't say it wrong. Yeah, because I've never heard Nana.
Yeah, Nana.

Speaker 2 Nana sounds like fucking. No, no, no, no.
It's like you don't want bananas. I don't want my grandma.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.
Well, I'm sorry. I yogurt.
I didn't mean to step against fucking you.

Speaker 2 So here's Nana. What'd you call your grandma? Mimar.
Ooh. That was horrible.
It's worse. Yeah.
Yeah, I hated it. We were Babu.
I kind of like that. Babu's cute.
Yeah, Babu's cute.

Speaker 2 It sounds like a cryptid. Babu's like what I call Carlita's vagina.

Speaker 2 Carmelita? Yeah. You call it a Babu? No, I call it a Chu Chi.
Oh, a Chu Chi. Chu Chi on her Chooch.
Oh, yeah. Does it flip up and down like Tootsie's? Moving on.

Speaker 2 Also, in her 60s, Nana was. Oh, I thought you were talking about Tootsie's.
No, no, no. Her fucking pussies.

Speaker 2 Still on her.

Speaker 2 Now,

Speaker 2 so apparently Pow Pa had been a womanizer since the start of their marriage and had no intention of slowing down in his old age. He openly cheated on his Nana.

Speaker 2 As Nana got older and sicker, when she was near the end, she told my mom that she hopes his pecker rots off.

Speaker 2 Nana, Nana, died a few months later after what she called her big nasty birthday when she she turned 69. Sounds like there's lots of weird fucking in this family.

Speaker 2 Also, Nana is what he used to say when she would

Speaker 2 say,

Speaker 2 Nana, Nana. I got some sides.
Paw Paw lived to be 89. For the last 10 years of his life, he was in and out of hospitals for recurrent infections, including MRSA.

Speaker 2 I had no idea he had even had a penis implant. But after a few years of infections, my mom finally spilled the beans.

Speaker 2 The button in his balls that controlled his erections was continually eroding through the sides of his balls oh nana had gotten her wish i think he eventually had to have the implant removed so it stopped trying yet again to escape his barely healed testicle oh my god jesus fucking christ now that's a listener email that's what i like

Speaker 2 that's a real old-fashioned that's the internet baby you gotta live every day hoping for that big old pawpaw's got a penis implant email to come in because then you you can laugh knowing that the audience is going to hear about pawpaws.

Speaker 2 Big, crooked, faulty penis implant. And then we're all going to love the fact that we all want one too.

Speaker 2 I wonder if that's what that birder got.

Speaker 2 Remember our Falconer guy for the soccer team in Italy, who got the penis implant and they got trouble for taking a picture of it? Well, now they have the app, you can use an app. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, so you don't even need the button no more. No, in Italy.
These old fucks don't know how to use phones. Honestly, though, in Italy, I think you do have to like, pumplate it with a tube.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to blow in order.
You have to suck your own penis to get it off.

Speaker 2 There he is.

Speaker 2 Old Italian. Oh, I remember the project.
Ah, so happy standing in front of his arrest, sitting there with his erect penis, like it's a horrific flag.

Speaker 2 Ah, yes. I'll always remember Bernardi.

Speaker 2 Ah,

Speaker 2 so funny. He's bad, though.
He's not a Nazi. No, he's a Nazi.
He's a bad guy.

Speaker 2 We don't like him. No, I love how happy he was with his penis.
How satisfied he was with his penis.

Speaker 2 Here it is. Right there, working just like it's like

Speaker 2 I'm a child again. A nino.

Speaker 2 What a great day. God

Speaker 2 bless

Speaker 2 Italy. Italy.

Speaker 2 What a fun time. He does have the button.
Oh, wow. He does have the button.
Yeah, he's got the button. He says right here,

Speaker 2 I did it to perform like when I was young. My erection is natural, but with this device, I press a button that allows me to perfectly control both the erection and the time.

Speaker 2 I can definitely see the cock's cocks gonna run out. What do you do? Then you get wet every single time you hear the

Speaker 2 oh, here comes my dickin'.

Speaker 2 Here comes my dicking. Oh, here he is.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Oh, fuck.
My balls are caught. My dick caught on a fucking dog leash.

Speaker 2 No, I don't have a needle for my pump.

Speaker 2 Oh, damn. It's gonna run out of air mid fuck.

Speaker 2 All right, let's end this show. Please.
Patreon.com/slash last podcast left. Buy it to watch us perform.
You can see us live every 6 p.m. PST on last stream on the left on our Patreon.

Speaker 2 And then it goes to YouTube a couple of days later. Speaking of the YouTube, go and subscribe to all of our various new programs and our YouTube channels.

Speaker 2 I know it sounds complicated, but we're trying to simplify it for you. Someplace underneath, LPN Romantic, who's the bee, because we can't do a bitch.
We can't say bitch on YouTube, because God knows.

Speaker 2 The Foreign Report, no dogs in space. And most importantly, LPN-TV.
That's right. You hear that? Other channels, you're not as important as LPN TV.
Not as the big one.

Speaker 2 I need you guys to go subscribe to the big one. It is legitimately free.
I subscribe to all of them, and it's nice because they're actually like transferring everything over and it premieres live.

Speaker 2 Like you're watching it like, you know, like, you know, towards the end of the year, they'll play like the whole season of a television show.

Speaker 2 It's kind of like what's happening on the YouTube channels right now. It's kind of fun.
Please. I actually watched watched some of the romantic last night.
It's good. Yeah.
It's very funny.

Speaker 2 They will crack me up. I have no idea what they're talking about.
Yeah, it's interesting that you can watch your wife and your sister talk about fucking.

Speaker 2 I just can't really, I fast-forward past Jackie. I try not to engage with Jackie.
So few people like sponsor a show of their wife and sister talking about sex, but they won't.

Speaker 2 They won't do it. They won't talk.
Natalie Wolf refuses to believe. She refuses to reveal my secrets.
What are they?

Speaker 2 side story shows? We got some new ones on the books available today. That's Friday, July 11th in Salt Lake City at the Wise Guys Comedy Club.

Speaker 2 Thursday, August 7th, Asheville, North Carolina at the Orange Peel. Sunday, September 21st, Kansas City, Missouri, the Truman.
October 24th, Rentway, California, Mattiel Community Center.

Speaker 2 We're coming back, you fuckers.

Speaker 2 And Sunday, November 30th, Columbus, Ohio, Ohio, at the Newport Music Hall, starring Travis Irvine. Yes.
And we will reveal: did Travis go to Little Edward Island?

Speaker 2 Was he a part of the Epstein Reach inside of Columbus, and that is what aborted his run for governor? He does go to the Bahamas often. He does.
So we'll have to ask him live on stage. That's right.

Speaker 2 June 20th, the seance. Tune in.
It's going to be amazing. And we're going to announce some tickets for people available on the Patreon.

Speaker 2 It's going to be a really weird event where I don't even know what the fuck's going to happen. I'm putting myself in Henry's hands.

Speaker 2 And if I get a hitchhiker ghost and it haunts me, I'm going to kill you. Can't wait.

Speaker 2 I dare you.

Speaker 2 Bye. Hail Satan.
Bye. Bye, everybody.
Hail the flat Creek Floyd.

Speaker 2 Sure. And Slystone.

Speaker 2 Hi, neighbor.

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