Side Stories: The Buga Sphere

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Side stories?

That's when the cannibalism started.

Side stories.

Yes.

Oh, man.

Oh, man.

I am hung.

over from contact and i'm like hung over i'm not from like drinking too much like emotionally hung I am.

The amount of information I received, the amount of downloads I got into directly into my ass.

I don't know if it's information I received or talking at I received.

I will say, one of my most successful movements of the weekend is I want to say thank you to the other.

I'm going to say this as nicely as possible.

You know what I'm saying?

The other big fat hairy man, the only one brave enough to find me at the pool.

Oh, pool man.

Yeah, no,

I saw that swap monster on the other side of the pool slowly making his way over.

I'm like, this guy's coming to talk to us.

But that guy is the only one who took me up on my offer.

He came out to the pool.

Yeah.

We sat there.

We floated.

We were wontoning it up.

He basically said we had a good, long, old-fashioned conversation about Whitley Streeber, Aleister Crowley, Jeffrey Epstein, you know, best blunt rotation.

Yeah.

And it has just been nice, just hanging.

It was nice.

His wife was there, seemed to be very happy to sort of allow her husband to have this afternoon.

Yes.

Because she obviously was there for the pool.

Much like my wife was.

Very much so.

She was just at the pool.

And so that I was, I want to say very thankful, very, very big thanks to the man covered in hair that was also as covered as me.

And it was nice talking to you out there.

Yeah, no, he really made you look like a normal man.

It's nice to see.

Because guess what?

What I like to do and what that guy obviously likes to do, which is nice, is that you got to Rorschach that pool being like, I'm not in here with you.

You fuckers are in here with me.

Yes.

And welcome to Side Stories.

My name is Henry Zabrowski.

I'm sitting here with Ed Larson.

Hello.

And we

just did such full body contact at the desert.

I want to say thank you to all the people that run contact, Captain Ron.

I want to thank you, Jamie, everybody over there.

They were, they were, couldn't have been nicer.

Yes.

No one said a word about me carrying the World Trade Center effigy around in the lobby of the hotel.

They said plenty with their eyes.

Yes.

I will say the power of holding a paper, a three-foot paper-mâché World Trade Center effigy under my arm and the looks I got, to be honest, I felt like Rose McGowan.

I felt like a Florence Pugh.

Everyone wanted to know, who's he?

Yes.

Where's he going?

Especially at contact in the desert.

Yeah, because I'm walking around there because no one knew that there was.

Because you can see a lot of people kind of doing the math, like the conspiracy math in their head, being like, what's this about?

What is this symbol of?

Yeah, because you see people walking around with like, you know,

a little paper-mâché UFO or something like that.

You know,

that makes sense.

You know, I don't think it's turned some heads, but not really.

It's a whole table of people.

dressed up like galactic soldiers.

Yeah, their jobs are there.

They are all, I guess, victims of extreme PTSD that live in a star fleet in their minds.

Yeah.

24-7, 365, just in life.

And that's an incredible way to get out of life.

You know, just go join a fake star fleet with you and your crew, and you never have to worry about experiencing, I guess, any form of negative emotion again because you're always in stars.

Also, I got to say, I miss our World Trade Center effigy in the office.

I'm really sad that it's gone.

It really tied the place together.

It really did.

And I want to say, Hank the Aquarian, we met the

truly wonderful lady that made our 9-11 effigy.

And she does really, really great work, a lot of great artwork.

We're going to need another one.

And also, I told her I want a Pentagon.

Yeah, yeah.

Or do we want a Freedom Tower?

Oh, you know what?

We do.

We get a Pentagon, and we get a Freedom Tower, and we make them fuck.

Yeah, make them kiss.

Yes.

Because the Pentagon has a hole in the middle of it, doesn't it?

It does.

Yeah, the Freedom Tower could totally fuck the Pentagon.

Hanky Aquarian, I'll pay you for this round.

Really?

And also, this is a huge plug.

Go get her artwork.

All right.

So how about that?

Let's see these paperwork.

We're going to get both of these.

If we can get both of these for next year and we can teach the audience the birds and beasts of conspiracy theory, that would be huge.

Also, next year, we are officially, and I'm saying this without talking to Contacting the Desert.

We're doing conspiracies at the Cabana.

Okay.

We're doing outdoor.

I'm going to schedule it.

You come around.

We're going to do some kind of trivia, conspiracy trivia event.

So we're doing contact again next year without them asking us.

Yes.

I'm going to show up.

We'll be there.

Yeah, even if I buy tickets.

It's interesting how you didn't even ask me.

No.

I'm asking no one.

I'm going to buy tickets myself and do it myself.

All right, because it could.

Next year, we're getting people into the goddamn pool.

Marcus British Blood Parks decided to tell me he said the words, it's too hot to go in the pool, which is the most British fucking shit I've ever heard.

He came to the pool.

Yeah, he looked at it.

He was just, you know, that's not bad.

He says he needs it to be a lake.

And he's like, what are you?

A corpse?

Yeah, well, he has a pool.

He does.

And he hates it.

He hates it.

He wants it to be filled with muck.

I don't understand.

I love the pool, but God, what a time there.

I'm trying to think.

Can I say something about Contact in the Desert?

Please.

Had a great time.

Love Contact in the Desert.

I think if you want Ed Larson back,

this food situation is a fucking, it's a really bad thing.

I didn't eat because the food was so bad, but I almost set myself to a fucking sugar coma.

I know that, but I'm like kind of thankful that I feel like kind of skinny.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

I get three days of no food.

It was kind of nice.

It's just like, it's everything's bad.

Yeah.

Everything is bad.

That is a thing.

We're going to talk about this.

I think that we can bring in.

I think we're going to have to bring our own food or our own chef or something.

We can bring in a chef.

I feel like there needs to be a culinary experience at Contact in the Desert.

Maybe there's a playoff of the CIA being both CIA and the Culinary Institute of America.

Maybe there's something in that.

Yes, you can even bring it on theme.

I mean, yes, anything.

There's something in there.

That Kava restaurant at the Renaissance, I mean, I got no problem calling them out.

That's one of the worst restaurants I've ever been to in my whole life, and I have to eat there five times a year.

It's technically our favorite restaurant, Eddie.

We've eaten there the most out of any restaurant we've ever eaten at.

It's really upsetting.

I've eaten there seven times, and each meal is worse than the last.

That is not, not, but again, it reminds me of what we're here to.

We weren't scared.

We were more scared of the lettuce than the salmon, and I was scared of that salmon.

I was scared of the lettuce.

Lettuce is more dangerous than salmon.

I mean, both of them are very.

We made it out and we didn't get sick.

I'm stronger than ever, but next year we're going to do a lot.

I also feel like.

And the coffee sucks.

But, you know, that's why I brought my own coffee.

And I brought my own coffee.

And that I learned this year.

Also, there was quite a bit.

This year, especially, the transracial section of the entire merch area was still just very very funny to me what do you mean i love white man wakanda oh yes like lifestyle like these are men that these are men that are these are very oh yeah this is white your dashikiness is coming out right now it does there i missed it i watched it i was like what ease so nice i feel like if you wanted to break out the dashiki guilt-free you could probably do it at contact i know but i kind of want to do it and i want to kind of do it at like the white house or something i want to You could do it there, too.

I got to get a little hat.

You don't call it the White House for nothing.

Yeah, I got to get one of those little like Neil Perrot hats.

Oh, yeah.

I could see you in that.

But our enemy of last year, we vanquished him.

And I'm not talking just about Mark Maron.

He was a, they were out there and he did the

Michael Zedona didn't have the cajones to show back up because the devil beat him.

The devil beats God each time.

And I think it's important to remember that.

Also, got my aura tested yes it's complicated

what do you mean it's complicated it's like all the colors I look like if you look at my you remember that you know that picture of you know that interview with the lady that was like the the female UFC fighter and she's all fucked up her face is all mashed up and she's going like oh little great time

my aura picture looked like that looked like her face yeah see I didn't fuck with the aura lady because last year Julie and I got our auras and they were perfectly dude they were perfectly in match this is like honestly not to be anything we're not talking too hard about this because it really puts eddie in the really hardcore hashtag top tier percentage of hashtag wife guys because eddie and julie both got their aura reds both of the auras were the same exact aura exactly so we got them on the fridge next to each other it's crazy it was so eerie and so amazing but then

but then ed was going to try to get his aura pictured again and we realized if it's different my whole relationship's going to go down the tube every is going to fight it's going to cause a fight It's going to cause a fight.

So if it's slightly different, I'm fucked.

Absolutely.

Because if we're off and we're not feeling it like, you know, yeah, you'd be like, what's why are you different now?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What's happening?

Who knows?

I worked to get my aura ready.

No, no, no.

That was good deductive reasoning.

It was.

And then also, Josh Gates, I saw, he was very entertaining from Expedition Unknown.

I watched a little bit of it.

Yeah, he had some jokes.

Yeah, he had really good jokes, really funny jokes about streamers and stuff like that.

It was kind of funny.

Also, there was a lot of synodics this year.

So cynotics was like kind of the concept of you can

call orbs.

Like you can talk to orbs.

You can use like all these like kind of mental techniques.

So that was like some of that was very interesting.

I do feel like next year too, we need less AI.

It was all AI.

It was all AI.

And you know what?

There wasn't any?

Drones.

Drones.

There was no drone talk.

But

let's not bust that because that's going to be in our Contact in the Desert live release that we're going to do at some point.

You're going to see all of our pitching that we did live at the Contact in the Desert.

Yeah, we filmed the comedy show.

We'll put it on the YouTube page later in the year if you guys stay tuned.

So make sure you're watching that.

Also, right up top, we got a whole bunch of new YouTube channels on the network.

So make sure you go and check those out.

We got the Foreign Report, No Dogs in Space,

LPN Romantic,

lots of other stuff.

So make sure you're going to follow those channels as well.

Who's the bitch?

Etc.

Yes, please, please do.

And I just, but we're here it's so nice to have made it through contact and god i'm trying to think of anything really good except the lady in the scooter that was the scooter lady was a blast and the ufo car was great every day had a lot everyone got to like take rides in the ufo car that was really fun richard dolan got to feel very important yeah well i know i look at that ufo car though and i'm like this is why there's no good food but they spent the money on the ufo car it's got a ufo car yeah yeah yeah what do you want i want food yeah sure at another festival.

I am mad at the food.

But at that festival, I think it's in the, I think it's the town.

Yes.

The town is devoid of food.

No, it's not.

We walked.

You remember, we walked like two miles over to the other resort.

To the Tammy Bahama.

Yeah, we went over there to eat.

I'll tell you what, it was fine.

It was fine.

And it was extremely expensive.

Yeah, it was very expensive and it was fine.

But I was hungry.

At that point, I was ready to fucking

literally attack people.

We waited over an hour for our appetizers.

They told us that it was going to be slow.

Gonna be slow is one thing.

Over an hour for the apps is another.

Especially when one of the apps is olives.

See, Eddie's the patient one.

Just give me the olive.

And Eddie's the patient one.

All right?

I was good.

I was

unaffected.

I honestly think I was woozy.

You know what?

I shut down completely.

And also, I just got to say, like, former chef, I get mad in these situations.

I understand, but also, we're not there for the food.

We're there for the truth.

I'm always there for the food.

I need food to help with truth.

But many don't.

Look at Marcus.

I'm not there for Marcus.

Is filled with truths and he hates food, right?

So there's a lot of them.

You saw a lot of elderly UFO people can't eat anymore.

Yeah.

Like, you know, like Whitley Striber technically tucked into some wings.

Oh, yeah.

No, he didn't give a fuck about your hot wings.

But the problem was with Whitley Striber is that we walked in.

At first, he was like, you know, like, you remember we do this whole thing.

We're going to do this hot wings bit.

He definitely didn't.

Remember, that's fine.

That's what we call it again.

Well, yes, it's not hot ones.

No, it's not.

Spicy.

It's spicy times.

Spicy times.

Yeah, we didn't do hot ones.

We did spicy.

Spicy times.

And he went and he was fine with it.

But then what's great about all things altogether is that everybody's kind of hesitant to do something until you sort of force them to do it in front of a group of people or a bunch of cameras and microphones.

And then they have to do it.

Yes.

And that's what's great.

And he was down.

He was fine with it.

He tucked into those wings.

I saw his silvery lips tremble over all those little wings.

We didn't give him the bomb.

No.

You took took a little bomb and that was bad.

It was bad for me.

Yeah.

But you'll be able to see and listen to that in August when we release all these interviews we did.

We did some great interviews.

I was really happy.

Major Paul Smith.

Major, he's a daddy was the person that it's like one of those where I hope that that interview, we'll see how it came out.

But we talked to this man that helped teach.

members of the CIA how to be psychic and

the Army and the Navy and in order to do remote viewing.

And it was talking to him and within talking to him that I began to realize, like,

you're

the

most

spook-like

intelligence agent I have ever met.

He was saying like three things out of both sides of his fucking mouth at all times.

And he was Mormon.

So he was like, all of it.

And there's some kind of an awesh

kind of vibe he had.

And you're also like.

But he He definitely looked like a murderer.

He was huge.

Yeah.

You noticed that with Paul Smith too.

He was fucking jacked.

He was gigantic.

And he was like 80.

He was like a former, but he was like one of those where he grabbed my, he was like, oh, no, it was a tough handshake.

Yeah, that was a tough asshole.

That was the best handshake of the weekend.

Nothing made me realize George Knapp.

I got in there on the motherfucker, too.

I tried to get it.

Of course.

I squeezed it hard.

But nothing makes you understand that George Knapp's a writer.

Like meeting a major of the U.S.

Army.

You know what I mean?

George Knapp is still the manliest man I ever.

We did approach him about being my father and taking my fatherhood.

Yeah.

Being my father.

And then

he thought about it.

He didn't say no.

You know, everybody.

He did not say no.

I'm a 41-year-old son with new money.

Yeah.

All right.

And I'm here and I'm hanging out.

I'm good for it.

I'll fucking, we'll get drunk and shit.

I'll fucking, we'll do a bunch of stuff.

We won't tell your wife.

It'll be awesome.

Can I be your father?

I don't know.

Well, think about it.

All right.

I'm a little older.

You are.

I'm a little.

Three years older.

Two.

Is that it?

Two and a half.

Yeah.

Two and a couple months.

Well, you're older than you think.

I am.

Live from North Way.

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And yes, currently I am in some form of tete-a-tete with Putin's daughter who purchased umupaintings.com.

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Yeah, I'm starting a new website.

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um another thing um yeah real quick we briefly mentioned it um last week but uh or earlier today but

that bitch mark marin is out of the business.

Somebody gave up.

Screw your ass, couldn't handle the fucking heat, dude.

What the fuck are you doing now?

Nothing, nothing in the movie.

Just making all your money,

not having to work as hard, you fucking give up.

You're like bringing podcasting into the mainstream.

Yeah, he's, yeah, I mean, honestly, he was fine.

He was rude to me the several times I met him, and he will probably be rude to me the next time I meet him.

But that is his gig.

Yeah, no, he's never claimed to be nice.

Yes, he's been fine to me, never mean but fine he was actively mean to me really yes but most most men are you you know at first glance

sure I get it I was good I'm sure you were great I'm a nice man yeah but yes so bye Mark Maron you're out

seeing hell now we have another update we have interviewed you huh you know it's one of those where

I guess why I guess why would he because he interviews all you interviewed Mike Lawrence yeah I know oh I I know.

Oh, I know.

Oh, I know.

Why would he, though?

There's no reason.

No reason to talk to us.

It's only like we've been next to him in the top 10 of the Apple podcast for the last like 15 years.

That's probably why I didn't talk to you.

Yeah, probably not.

So what we will do is move on.

So next update, we have,

I did not realize this is one of the first times that you got a true crime like scoop on me.

Yeah.

Because very rarely do I see, like, I not know, but this is fucking true.

It's Trim.

And I got to say, I only got it because this guy's picture is so scary that I was like, we need to talk about this shit.

And now, like, I can't believe no one's really, we didn't get any emails about this.

No, none.

Nothing.

But here's an update from last week.

We talked about this guy,

the devil and the Ozarks,

Grant

Harden.

Grant Harden.

Yeah, this

Eddie brought this up last week.

Grant Harden is a former sheriff of, I believe it was, no, he was the chief of police of this

fuck little town in the middle of nowhere in Missouri, right?

So he was in this like shitty little town.

He was the chief of police.

He had total control over this very, very small town.

He was arrested for murder because at this point, we'd found out like all he was arrested for murder.

It turns out he got attached to a rape that he had done 20 years before due to his DNA being entered now into the big CODIS database.

And then back in the day, the victim that was,

she

managed to save some of his semen in the moment.

She saved the semen, wiped it on her shirt.

She was the wife of a police officer.

The other police officers within this same township, wherever they all were.

And so she went and they saved the shirt.

And so they got him.

But now we know that Grant Harden has escaped.

And if you watch, I just did not know what Eddie then hit me to, that it's the guy from the true crime documentary, Devil and the ozarks and this guy go watch it it's on max it's like 42 minutes it's very it's fascinating he's extremely dangerous he is nowhere to be found he's been gone somewhere in the middle of missouri still i believe and this man is definitely like if you watch devil and the ozarks there is no way that that is the only sexual assault he committed he was he was too calculated it was calculated it was all down to he was knew exactly what he was doing he specifically targeted her.

She was the wife of a cop.

He was the cop at the time.

Yes.

So he had a connection.

He says, Do you recognize my voice?

Yes.

He asked her if you, yeah, in the middle of it.

Yes.

And then he, he's a psychopath.

There is no way that he did not do more.

He reminds me quite a bit of the East Air A rapist, the Golden State killer.

And so it is very similar to Earan's.

It's like the same style, same thing.

Cop that was like hyper-aware.

I don't think that there, there's no way that he then decided to, what he did was end end a personal beef with the guy by shooting him in the face in a shotgun and with a shotgun in broad daylight.

And then he brought his family to dinner and then said, I'm sorry, guys, I love all of you.

Just so you know, daddy might not have to leave after dinner.

That's like what he told his family.

And then they finished up their Carabas and then he went to fucking, he got arrested.

They fucking put him in jail.

Yeah.

And so if you don't remember from last week, he has a, he got a makeshift police uniform and he escaped.

He just walked out the front door and now he's still missing.

As of right now, there is $25,000 in rewards out, 20 from the FBI and 5 from the U.S.

Marshals looking for information leading to Hardin's arrest.

This dude is dangerous.

He's like officially fucking dangerous.

He's clever.

He knows what he's doing.

He obviously has plants.

Someone helped him.

Someone had to have helped him.

Someone helped him, which means he probably had information.

He didn't show the fucking clothes himself.

Like, literally, she must have had, he must have had some information on somebody else because it's like no fucking way.

It just shows he was in a medium security prison.

Yes.

Which it's like for murder and rape.

It shows that the favoritism that law enforcement will get when they get in trouble.

Yes.

And so he should have been in a fucking major prison.

But no, he was in a medium security prison.

And this shows that it was, he was able to get out when people weren't fucking paying attention.

Yes.

This guy is terrifying.

He is out there.

I don't know what's going on.

They need to find this guy, but he obviously has a plan.

He might even be out of the country by now.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, he's long gone.

He might be long gone.

And wherever he's going, he's going to do more crimes.

So it's going to, something's going to pop up because it's not like this man is made of money.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Like, this isn't, you know, I'm certain even in like the, in the Ozarks, a police officer is not doing that well

salary-wise.

So there's no way he is hidden behind, like, you you know, like, where's the money that's going to harbor him in another country?

I mean, who knows what he's stashed away over his career in law enforcement?

You know,

then you found out all the kind of stuff where he was doing extravagant spending.

He was being a crazy person.

He was, he viewed himself as like a superhero.

Like, he was in charge of the town.

Everybody talked about that.

The mayor felt like he was kind of like,

second fiddle to him.

Did he get to answer to him and do all this shit for him?

I mean, the mayor was on the phone with the guy when he murdered them.

Yes, but it also sounds like everybody was still afraid of this guy.

And it's kind of funny because he does look like a big old thumper.

But the other thing is that he's like almost, he was like something like 6'9.

He's a big, big, big dude.

He's a big, heavy guy.

He was the only cop in his town.

Yeah.

And so they said that he never needed backup because of how big he was.

So he'd go around and manhandle people and shit.

And then he used to, you, used to kind of throw his way around the town, all this shit.

There's just a new image that they updated with him, which is just like they digitally put a beard on him.

Yeah, they put a little five o'clock shadow on him.

It's just fucking, he just looks like shit.

Yeah, but he's 56 years old.

He's out there and he's fucking, he's in the woods.

They're looking for him, but I don't.

Shit, man, I don't know if they're finding this guy.

Someone needs to go get him.

He ain't far from the Gulf of Mexico.

No.

No, no, no.

He's.

He's in Mexico.

Yeah, he's got to be in Mexico by now.

If he's not in Mexico, he's coming back for revenge.

I mean, there's no way.

If I'm those people, they got to be, there has to be people next to him, right?

What do you mean?

I guess, yeah, who the fuck's going to sit there like with this woman?

Well, the saddest part is watching Devil and the Ozarks and watching the whole ending sequence and what they're all so happy that they caught him and they're all like, he's finally, we're all safe and he's going to go away forever.

And then you're like, no, he's not.

And then they added a card to the end of the documentary saying, if you have any information, please call 1-800, call FBI, which I think you should just call anyway.

Just to see what happens.

Yeah, why not?

That's 911.

I don't think you're going to get in trouble.

You can just call the FBI and talk to him for a little bit, see what's going on.

People like, are your refrigerator running?

They can do all that kind of shit.

You hit him with all of it.

Full court breaths.

Yeah, yeah.

Ask him if they're the CIA.

Yeah.

Ask him Phil Kennedy.

Yeah.

You do it.

You did it.

You did it.

Yeah, you can give him tips about nothing.

You come help me, fucking make me come.

Yeah.

Please, please, officers, will you?

Do you think they will call the FBI and ask them to help you come?

Yeah, because they can volunteer to do that.

Oh, yeah.

But

volunteers only.

Yes.

Their adults are called consenting adults.

Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

So we'll keep our eyes open for Harvey.

Hey, keep her eyes peeled.

Yeah.

Yeah, because he's out there and he's going to kill you.

He's going to kill somebody.

He's going to do something bad.

And I'm pretty certain he's done a bunch of other rapes as well.

So I think that he's pretty standardly dangerous.

Yeah.

All right.

So if you see him, hit him in the head with a frying pan.

Okay.

I'd say that.

I'd say hit him the head with a frying pan, put him in a burlac sack.

I'd also say tied him to train track.

Also, the other thing I wanted to bring up about him that really surprised me is the way they were able to get him on this rape.

Because it was, it's, you know, because there's only six years that you guys before it goes.

That was fascinating in its own way.

Yeah.

So it's only six years till it's, what is it called?

When you get a statute of limitations.

Statute of limitations.

So it was only six years for the statute of of limitations.

But what they did was right before

the earmarket.

The sexual assault, I think, happened in 2007 or 1997.

1997.

A long ass time ago.

So what they were able to do was, since they had the DNA, they put a warrant out for the DNA.

They like set a special trial for this to make sure that they like put out a warrant out for the DNA.

So it's

eliminated the statute of limitations.

Even though they didn't have a direct suspect, they had the DNA.

Apparently, if you have enough cum in a thimble, like enough that you can get a guy's full like DNA strands on, you can just put a warrant out for that DNA strand.

Which is fucking crazy.

Very interesting because that's you.

That's the guy, right?

They're like, it manages to exclude 99.8% of society or something like that.

Yeah.

And so when they clipped him on the murder, all of a sudden when they took his DNA, they're like, oh, fuck, you're the guy that raped this woman back in 1997.

Now, I also believe, and this is just me speculating, it's, you know, but I think that if she wasn't the wife of a cop, that wouldn't have been done for her.

I mean, that's,

you know, Eddie, unfortunately, I have to agree.

Yeah.

But yeah, you'd think that it wouldn't be like that.

But yes, I do believe that this lady,

this victim did get special treatment in this very small precinct because of her treatment.

On hers.

No.

Just like this is on the, that's on the system.

Yes, but they did get him.

Technically, they did their jobs.

And they get him.

They arrested a fellow police officer.

Shows that you should do it every fucking time.

Kind of do it every time.

Also, you might want to put them handcuffs on harder.

And you also want to give a little, like, it's just remember this again when you see stuff people talk about, which we're going to get to, right?

We're going to see whether or not when if Diddy doesn't get pardoned by Trump, we're going to see whether or not

he's going to commit suicide in jail, right?

We're going to see what he's, what else these people are going to do.

We just know that it's um just remember this, that when Diddy goes to jail and all the stuff we've been, I've been reading about Epstein, all this other shit, prisons are not the most secure locations for a criminal.

Because funnily enough, when you put a bunch of criminals in one big place,

they talk to each other.

Yeah, they love it.

And they do a bunch of stuff in there.

And a lot of times, even the, even though CEOs do as much as they can, I'm certain there's good COs, right?

And there's other good, all that kind of stuff.

There's good people who do, but there's also a percentage of people that are just as desperate as the people that are in the jails working for the jails.

And then they get very easily persuaded if they believe that they maybe get something material on the outside for this.

But again, what we said the last time, don't believe a prisoner.

No.

Unfortunately.

No.

Unfortunately.

Unfortunately.

Except when it comes to making a very ornate breakfast using Fritos and refried beans.

Oh, my God.

Oh, I love a good jail cook.

Yeah.

Now, is Diddy charged federally or state?

I don't know.

I think that that's federal no matter what.

Yeah, because the FBI got him because he was committing crimes in three different states.

Yes, I believe that, I believe that he has.

So Trump can pardon him.

Are you talking about Diddy?

Diddy.

Oh, yes, he's facing it.

He could definitely be pardoned.

Federal charges.

Trump already said he's probably going to.

God.

He said he's a nice guy.

And then I'll tell you one thing that the trial has proven.

He's not a nice guy.

No, he's definitely not a nice guy.

No, he's not a nice man, but that is, he's such a nice man that his own lawyers have to constantly remind the jury, remember Diddy's not a nice guy.

That this is the, that you don't, that this isn't a trial about whether or not Diddy beat women or raped people.

This is not that trial.

Yeah.

He did all that.

We're actually telling you he did it, but he did it on a small scale.

That's what they're trying to say.

I mean, he told us this was going to happen years ago, man, when he wrote More Money, Money, Mo Problems.

Because guess what?

It did.

It did cause Mo problems for him, didn't it?

It did.

Because you know what?

It definitely did.

Because you think, though, in the end, if I had Mo problems, if I had Mo money,

I'd have Mo solutions.

Oh, absolutely.

Out there.

If I had Mo Money, I'd definitely have Mo Solutions.

I would go out there.

I would build some stuff for the people.

Yeah, I'm certainly not blowing it all on.

coked up baby oil or GHB-laced baby oil.

That's technically, that turned out to not be real.

Really?

Yeah, it was a whole thing.

So there's no drugs in the baby oil?

No, but there's plenty of baby oil.

Yeah.

There's plenty of baby oil.

I fucking hate missing.

I know me too.

You should meet Mr.

Information.

He's a piece of shit, too.

Now,

let's get into this other update here.

Oh, yes, that's right.

This real quick.

This is just a thing that shows that

things are complicated.

Do you think

write us in at sidestories, L-P-O-T-L, gmail.com.

When Henry burps, do you stop taking him seriously?

Everybody emails me about burping, right?

Have you seen the burping?

I'm just serious.

No, No, I couldn't care less.

I know you can't.

Seriously, you don't care less.

If you can't take me seriously when I'm burping, how do you have a father?

How do you have a fucking uncle?

How do you talk to me?

Well, they don't take them seriously either.

Well, they should.

Because sometimes they know.

Yeah.

And sometimes they don't.

Also, I'm talking, I got a lot to talk.

I got a lot to say.

All right.

If you don't like my burping, I don't want to tell you.

Howard Stern burped.

Yeah.

And we, yeah.

He was the fucking biggest, literally the biggest media personality to live besides like

Oprah.

I know.

It doesn't make it, you know,

cool.

Now, these, here's a bit of an intro.

Here's a

an update about

the crypto torturers.

Now, these guys, these two fucking pieces of shit that did, that tortured this Italian tourist in order to get access to his crypto fucking account, right?

Sources of direct knowledge, the two guys are John Woltz and William Duplessis.

They have all these like footage of them at some big New York City club, I guess, called The Box, where they would drop 80 to 100 grand a night.

I've been to the box.

Yeah.

Yeah.

How is it?

It's fucking cool, man.

Chappelle threw a big comedian's ball there.

That's crazy.

Yeah, and it went from like midnight to four in the morning, and he had all these like crazy like acts there.

There was this one, there was this one chick.

It was like the coolest burlesque act I ever saw in my whole life.

It was this totally, it was this really hot black chick.

She came out there.

She had a big afro, and she was like totally naked at the start of it.

And then like slowly throughout the act she was like taking clothes out of her afro and putting them on and then by the end of it she had like a purse and like lipstick and stuff like that

yeah i mean she was fully clothed by the end of it wow that's fun it was very cool no that sounds wonderful yeah the box was great they let you smoke weed inside whoa well that's why these guys liked it i guess so these guys they were the crypto they wanted they one of them was named the crypto king of Kentucky.

And they would go and spend a lot of money at this establishment.

One of them said he refused to wear a shirt whenever he was at the box because that's what men do.

Not all the men, I was there, I saw most of the men were wearing shirts.

I'm talking about the ladies that didn't have shirts.

I'm talking about John Woltz.

I'm talking about the guy that tortured the Italian.

They have some footage here of him giving a bottle service girl a,

what you'd call a piggyback ride.

Very, they're really enjoying themselves in these footage.

But there's other footage of them with the man that they have held hostage where he's like not really tied up.

He's just sitting in a wheelchair and then they're putting cocaine in an air fryer.

Yes.

Do you see this?

Yeah, yeah.

They're putting cocaine.

This is how much money they have.

They're dumping cocaine into an air fryer.

Yes.

Trying to turn it into crack cocaine.

Two dudes are there next.

The other two torturers there.

They're all got like sunglasses on inside.

They're all being like, man, this is going to make such bad crack.

This is going to make such bad fucking crack, dude.

And then they, it's like, there's.

But the prisoner is the one working the air fryer.

There's something going on.

What I I have heard, there's like, there's kind of conflicting things coming about about whether or not he screwed them over first.

There's some story about maybe the Italian tourist was

of course not.

I'm not saying it makes them innocent.

They're just saying the story is very complicated.

Yes.

And so this is all happening at once, which is probably the reason why the session went for two weeks.

It probably

went back and forth between just hanging out and getting tortured, hanging out, getting tortured.

Like very interestingly, almost Patty Hurst-like, where he probably seems to have like that's what you were joking about he's like joe he's like laughing with the two guys and so people like to think that maybe he wasn't being held captive but like i would make jokes with my captors if you kidnap me oh i got you got to yeah i got to make you like me oh i started to do impressions of one of them to make the other one laugh doing impressions of the other one to make the other one laugh that's what you got to do also you're cooking crack in an air fryer it's kind of funny it is it is just it's kind of funny it is objectively funny yeah but then there's this video of him getting just beaten up right there's a bunch of video of him tied up into a corner but is this shit staged then i start to wonder is there a way that is all of this staged for them to like is there an insurance you can claim on this crypto shit like i wonder if there's an insider way like maybe i'm wrong i might be talking entirely out of school but maybe there is a way for their to like truly

because like i mean they fucked this dude up yeah now you see blood yeah that right there yeah i guess it's all his show unless it's like fucking makeup or some shit i don't it's not makeup i mean i don't know unless they're not makeup artists these guys they're filled with money they have money they have nothing but money

17 days sitting inside that fucking airbnb you don't think you can figure shit out you can be like what if we fucking make them look like a zombie and we do a whole thing i don't know it's a scarebnb that's cute thank you that's very cute but obviously, we're just covering this because it's fun and salacious.

I have no idea what's really going on.

We know that these guys are all

I know that John Waltz and William Du Plessis are definitely absolute trash and slime and utter pieces of shit.

And I think that the other dude, yeah, and why does William DuPlessis have a hard on in that picture?

Oh, he does, doesn't he?

He is hard as the Dickens.

I guess he wanted he's handcuffed.

Maybe he's into kinks.

Maybe you reached temperature.

He just set him off.

Maybe he reached temperature.

Oh, yeah.

That could happen.

Or maybe he's just like permanently hard.

I hate.

Yeah.

Maybe it's one of those pumps.

Oh, yeah.

Or he took too much Viagra.

Have you seen the pumps?

Penis pumps?

You do the thing where you have a little button inside your balls and you can pump up your penis and it gets super rigid and hard.

Oh no.

Yeah.

It's like a whole thing.

You can put a penis implant in.

You get a third ball that's like a little button and you pump it up.

And then apparently you don't lose function.

You can piss out of it and stuff.

It just is like got like a year-long recoup as they've splayed open your penis like it's a branzino.

I'd just rather not have sex.

That's, I think, a lot of people, that is a choice that some people have made.

Yeah, I would just, yeah, I would just not have sex.

See, I don't know if I could give up having sex, but I don't also don't know if I can have the knife go towards my penis at all.

I think that that's the only thing I am mostly concerned about is the knife going towards my penis and the

recovery of this.

If you got to put this in your penis to have sex, can I, a little piece of advice?

Take naps.

Just start taking naps.

But then the problem is that sometimes if they can't fucking fuck Eddie, they ended up killing a bunch of little girls.

So they ended up fucking making a carousel of dead bodies that they lift up.

Guys have to come sometimes.

Joy not coming.

Some men can't.

Some men cannot, Eddie.

Some men need to be.

But I would also say if you lose control of your penis, it's time to become a bottom.

Yeah.

Like if you can't get hard anymore, too, and you're afraid of the,

like, just understand you're a guy that you're a bottom now.

Yeah.

And just get into that because if you don't come, if men don't come, they commit atrocities.

Can't you just get really into like buffets?

You know, just like, yeah, like, yeah.

I don't know.

Because I didn't feel like, I mean, it's all like, I don't know.

I don't know how to choose.

Yeah.

You have to charge it, by the way.

Oh, yeah, dude.

You have to charge it.

You have to plug yourself in.

Yeah, at night.

Oh, you got to charge it?

Yeah, I use mine.

When I've been using it, honestly,

full disclosure, I do it myself.

And what it is, I have a solar panel in my asshole.

Yeah.

What I do quite a bit is I just show my asshole to the sun itself.

Oh, that's nice.

And I get zapped in.

Super crucial.

It's super crucial.

Yeah, so let us know if you got a penis rod that you got a charge.

Nothing.

I wish someone had a penis implant.

I would love to, if someone had a penis implant, they could talk to me about it because.

I mean, it looks horrific.

Yeah, it looks horrible.

I don't want to deal with it.

Yeah.

Penis plants.

Thankfully.

You can hook it up to your phone.

Oh, get my app.

I can pre-charge my penis.

Just turn it on.

It's so amazing.

I can pre-charge my my penis.

I mean, it would be good if it vibrated and you could just turn on your phone and make it vibrate and then you could just come like that and you don't have to do anything.

God.

Yeah.

I mean, that's just, you know,

see, this you're into.

You know what making even better?

If you could.

Oh, the clapper?

But you got to clap on your penis?

Hell yeah, man.

That would be fucking sweet.

Where's the clappers at these days?

Clapper's gone, man.

No one's doing the clappers anymore.

I think, man, well, it's also just hard because, you know, everyone just thinks it's HPV.

You think the clapper doesn't work.

I got the clapper.

Yeah, you do.

Oh, I've seen her too.

I've seen her myself.

They got them.

Yeah, yeah, they got the clapper.

But then I feel like the clapper now is like...

I don't know.

I think now people...

$19.99.

People do too much twerking for the clapper.

Oh, yeah.

That'd be hilarious.

Making their butts slap.

Just making the, you got a twerk to turn the music back on.

Can I please get some video of someone twerking to turn on a lamp with their clapper?

Honestly, side stories, lpotl at gmail.com.

I'll give you $4.

If you send a video where you can clap, if you can twerk loud enough to set off a clapper,

I'm going to give you a free shirt.

Free shirt?

Yep.

Wow.

I don't know what I've just asked for.

Well,

what you just asked for is someone to fucking

twerk and then their friend sit next to a light switch.

No.

I need.

All right.

So this is what we're going to do.

To get the free shirt, I need the receipt of the clapper.

Okay.

That needs to be sent in.

I need to see the clapper.

It needs to be in the wall.

Like, first, you must do an independent video in which you clap with your hands.

Just buy a shirt.

No.

No.

You want a free shirt?

This is the worst.

I think you have to reimburse them for the clapper as well.

No.

Yeah.

We're going to fucking bring our company to the ground.

I'm just saying.

It's not worth it for them to get a clapper.

Yes, it is.

There's a video of them demonstrating that the clapper exists.

It is getting a free shirt by trades.

It's too much work for free shirts.

That's called work.

That's called America.

It's a shirt.

Everybody's so angry about money.

Shirt and an ass trick.

Everybody's angry about money.

Everybody's angry about it.

I'm giving you an opportunity to get a shirt for free.

How about a hat?

Shirt and a hat.

Yeah.

All right.

There we go.

All right, guys.

As long as it's merch.

As long as it's merch, I'll get you some merch.

All right.

But again, video, I need a receipt of the clapper.

I need video of the clapper working on its own.

Then yourself doing it.

A clapper in the picture, if you could, if we could cut back and forth between the angles.

All right.

So now we actually get to some stories.

You guys like stories, right?

You guys like stories.

I want to talk a little bit about the Buga Sphere.

Oh, yeah.

You were talking about this earlier.

What is it?

Now, show this.

If we could, just show Eddie this little video here.

Roberto.

Now, this is downtown buga downtown bouga colombia they have been dealing with a bit of a sphere problem is this bogota or is it bouga it's called buga okay i believe maybe buja it's probably buja but bouga sphere is more fun to say it is so in buga colombia they have been dealing with this it's spheres that was flying in low orbit around downtown now there's this video they're saying that is real this is a ufo sphere this all came from the team of dr jose luis velazquez oh they caught the sphere.

No, see, not this thing.

So, all right, this is not the video, not this video, Rob.

The other one, if you go into the, right, yeah, right back to the erect, right back to the penis pump, penis pump, clapper, pump, no, no, penis pump, no, Dahlia, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's our show, in a nutshell.

Thank you.

Um, again, side stories LPOTL at gmroll.com.

If you can make your tits bounce hard enough to make the clapper go off, and again, I want, I'm not talking about nudity, this isn't sexual.

What about balls?

I can make my balls fucking hit by taint.

If you do that, it'll give you a free shirt.

I don't need a shirt, but I do want to test myself.

I'll buy you something.

If you do it, Eddie, I'll buy you something.

What are you going to buy me?

We'll figure that out.

So, this is the Bouga Sphere.

Now, the Bouga Sphere was shooting around, zigzagging around downtown Bouga, Columbia.

This is this year, 2025.

This man, that might some people have called a bit of a gun artist.

I say he's a colorful radiologist by the name of Dr.

Jose Luis Velazquez.

As they said that later on, this object, as you could see zipping, was found in a field, right, that they found.

They said that there was writing on it,

that there was no visible seals on it, that legitimately it looked like it was one solid piece of metal.

It is flying really weirdly.

If this is indeed real.

It's like a giant phantasm ball.

So now you see it fell into the ground.

They went and they grabbed it.

They went and looked.

And this man went and x-rayed it.

They're saying that there's symbols on it, but that seems to be all over the place.

Because if you look at one picture of the symbols, it does sort of look like the font from the Alienware laptops,

which is also supposedly built upon, apparently, it does look like the font from Alienware, but the font from Alienware was also built upon old drawings of stuff.

So again, I don't know what chicken and the egg scenario that is, but they x-rayed it and they found that the middle of it has a bunch of other tiny little spheres.

There is a sort of a metal rind to it, a metal kind of outside of it.

In the middle of it's this weird kind of what seems to be a like they said it's like a softer metal.

To be honest, it seems like one of those rochets.

It does seem like this is a, you remember, you know rochets?

Do you get rochets every year for Christmas like I do?

What's a rocher?

My hazelnut candy.

Oh.

You know, you don't like rochets?

I don't eat candy since the diabetes.

I know, but you don't eat, you never like these Ferrero rochets?

Delectable.

You know what?

No, I don't like those.

See, this is my favorite.

Yeah, those aren't good.

I used to sit, man, I used to sit

five or six at a go.

Fuck that.

Dude, I love bon buns.

You don't like bun buns?

No, I'm not a bon bon guy either.

I like a Cadbury egg.

I'll fucking suck on a...

Oh, man, I'll hatch a bunch of them fuckers.

I don't think you're allowed to be fat anymore.

What are you talking about for not liking these things?

You don't like rochets?

Those are fancy candy.

What are you fancy?

What do you get?

Tobralones too?

Yeah.

Tobralones are delicious, but also they hurt your mouth.

Roches are no, these are not fancy candies.

That's like Costco's.

I have eaten.

That's Costco's.

You like purulines?

What's a puralene?

Look it up.

Have a Hershey bar, you fucking piece of shit.

No, that sucks.

No, Purulene, that's not that.

It's P-I-I-P-I-R-O-U-L.

Pralene.

Nope, that's a Praline.

That's wrong.

Again, wrong, Rob.

P-I-R-O-U-L-L.

P-I-R.

Your spelling.

It's just as bad as Henry's weight problem.

Look at that.

You never had puralene.

Yeah, you dip them in your coffee.

Yeah.

Cream-filled wafers.

It's the same fucking thing.

It's the same shit.

And it's different fucking form.

It's the same shit.

It's the same ingredients.

It's the same fucking ingredients.

Stopped.

It's hard to.

When you and your buddy are so in sync.

And then you find the one thing

that you might fight about,

but the fact that this fat fuck

doesn't like rochets and called them fancy even.

They're not shrimp, I'll tell you that much.

I love shrimp.

We all do, Eddie.

Yeah.

That on which

we can agree.

I prefer shrimp.

Over pirulines?

Of course.

Then what are we even talking about here?

I've eaten so many pirulines that I just can't eat them anymore either.

Really?

I used to eat a whole fat whole thing.

When I was real fat, man, I used to just fucking

eat them like I was sucking dick.

Oh, yeah.

But I would take my time with them.

I remember.

I would like keep them in my own, pretend like I was smoking and stuff.

Yeah, I'd do stuff like that.

Yeah, but that was like when I was a kid kid, but then as I got older, I was just eating them.

Yeah.

Because I was smoking cigarettes.

I remember I found a really old box of them and I ate them anyway.

Yeah.

I'm so proud of myself.

Of course.

No, no, no, like the Native Americans.

Yeah.

No, none can be wasted.

Okay.

None can be wasted.

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Because if you don't, I'm coming for you.

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Hey, Eddie, what?

You know what doesn't belong in your epic summer plans?

plans?

What doesn't belong in my epic summer plans?

Getting burned by your old wireless bill.

Oh my gosh, it burns me all the time.

I know.

It's like, halala.

So hot.

Hot.

While you're planning beach trips, barbecues, and three-day weekends, your wireless bill should be the last thing holding you back.

Well, what should be holding me back?

Probably.

I would say you got problems with, you know, you have acid reflux.

Yeah.

You got some problems consuming dairy.

I can barely swim.

You are afraid of loud noises?

I hate loud noises.

You're afraid of being outside.

But otherwise,

but otherwise,

you're good to go.

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All right, so more, Let's get back to the Boogisphere.

Oh, yeah.

What is this fake ball doing now?

It is doing a lot of stuff.

The object was recovered on March 2nd.

They said it weighs about four and a half pounds, which you can tell right now.

Boogasphere is actually going at my at the Galson's for like $4.99 a pound.

And David Velez El Potro, one of the individuals who recovered the object, he spoke, he was on Mausan television.

Now, he was also working with Jamie Mauson.

It was like, that is a, it's a, he's a ufologist at hosting the show.

Now this is the guy, Mousson.

It's the same guy that found the alien mummies in Peru, which I have been reticent to cover in more detail because at first they were heavily debunked.

Yeah.

But then these were the, you remember these the little baby mummies?

I know these.

But then they got re kind of tested.

They're still kind of floating around in the UFO world because they did have some kind of bones in them.

So some people are kind of saying they think that they might literally be mummified children or that they were or that they could be old but people did make art out of remains there are bones inside of them yes that they're saying that there's bones inside of them bones the same stuff that's make up human bones yes but they're also shattered all together this is but this whole thing they're people it's a whole thing eddie all right so this is but most of the time it looks like an infant and if you're gonna you could stretch out and you could you know mold an infant's head, you know, if you work hard.

Nothing would make me happier.

I wish people would put me in charge of that yeah of molding infants heads i'm gonna turn your son hey you like your son how about i make him mr peanut

you know what i miss zika me too where'd it go i don't know yeah where's zika at talk to these guys come on little mummies these are the first zikas where's zika at yeah actually zika testified this week at the diddy trail oh that's right all right so this week um

uh this is a he uh but all right so valez depoltro he said he found it in the foo the woods of Buga.

And he said this sphere, he was kind of crazy.

He said he told Malsan when he found it that he, after touching it, he felt sick for days.

He then said it was cold, but he poured water on it and the water evaporated off the top of it.

Oh, interesting.

This just seems like such horse shit to me.

How is the ball only four pounds if it's not made out of tinfoil?

Alien.

It's stupid.

This whole thing's stupid.

I don't think

aliens write letters to each other accordingly.

Look at this right here.

The center of the sphere shows a lower radioacoustic density than the edge indicating an internal structure that may be more porous or composed of less dense material than the outer shell like a hazelnut cream i just can't see aliens like designing something well putting like a design on it they don't have they don't need that they're not artistic they're here

it's interesting because you say this is it artistic design like let's say let's throw all of the it's horseshit away for one second which is because on one level sure obviously it seems like total horseshit It's all connected to a bunch of con men.

We can't see it ourselves.

You know, you'd think it would be killing everybody by the second that he touched it because of the radiation, all the stuff coming off of it.

But let's just say.

The footage was pretty cool.

It hit ornate, right?

Let's say it hits the ground and it's now like it goes dead.

It's very possible, which is what I've heard in other sections of UFO lore, that the writing itself is the technology.

And that the stuff on it is like almost sometimes an instruction manual.

It's something something that is working along this is how you open it.

Yes.

Like two AA batteries.

Essentially.

Like it's that it could be like that.

Who knows?

Like every single story I've read of other people that have gotten close to a UFO, they always kind of talk about one of the things they always talk about is some alien writing written on the side or engraved on the side or written into a thing.

It's kind of, it happens quite a bit.

Okay.

According to them.

Seems like horseshit.

I mean, I know, I told you you told me not to do that.

I'm just saying.

No, I'm not saying not to do that.

I'm just saying if you were to not say it's horseshit, that's what you'd say.

Yes, yes, yes.

So, it's one of the others.

I think the writing would be on the inside.

I don't think that if aliens are creative, is all I'm saying.

I think that we had a very illuminating conversation with Whitley Strieber about that topic, which I thought that was very interesting.

Whatever you say about him, that's one of those where I liked him.

I liked him too.

I thought that he did a very good job.

But obviously, a lot of people are calling bullshit on the Boogisphere.

I love my Boogisphere.

I want one.

I wish I could have my own.

Someone make one for Henry.

I wish I could have an Oogie Booga Sphere.

I just want one of these things.

It's just, but I mean, a lot of things are going to come out of the wash.

We'll find out.

Yes.

Much like with how I'm so devastated about Mary Lou Retton getting a DUI.

Who cares?

She deserves a drink or two.

I think so.

Yeah.

And if anyone could drive drunk, it's someone who could do flips.

Side stories L-P-O-T L-P-O-T-L-A-Gmail.com.

Can you do flips?

Can you drive drunk?

Yeah, this is out here three.

Yes, it's a lot of stuff.

So go check it out.

Newsweek talked about it.

You know that.

And they're super dependable.

What happened to Newsweek?

Up capitalism.

They used to be like a reputable news source.

A lot of things were.

Yeah.

Yeah, a lot of things were.

Okay, cool.

Well, speaking of reputable news sources, this one comes from the New York Post.

Finally.

A Florida mother is accused of killing her six-year-old son in a failed exorcism.

She's not a mother anymore.

Yeah,

she was during a twisted attempt to exorcise demons from her son's body.

She then

let the kid's body, she tried to get the demons out of him.

Yep.

held her hand over his mouth until he stopped breathing.

Sure.

Thought that the demons were gone, but then he was just dead.

And then she left.

Demons are gone.

And then she left him there for two weeks.

But she did the thing of like, he's going to wake up any day now.

Any day now.

He's going to wake up.

He's going to wake up.

I mean, it is just fucking, it's crazy.

Understand.

It's just a sad story for sure.

Oh, yeah.

It's brutally sad.

It's actually almost hard.

It's actually quite difficult to make comedy out of.

But one thing I will find interesting is this idea that you'd think that like every Exorcist movie.

All exorcism movies, they all say the same thing is that the goal is that you got to get the demon out of the kid before it dies.

Yes.

Right?

Because then the demon's done what it wanted.

You got to slap him.

It killed the kid.

You got to slap him.

You got to dose him in water.

You got to fucking give it a crucifix to masturbate with.

All sorts of shit.

But

the kid, if it dies, it means the demon won.

Yeah.

And so she's just trying to kick it the can saying, oh, come back any day now, knowing that you fucked it up.

The reason they did a health check on him is she was just making a bunch of Facebook posts about obsessive, religious, and cryptic.

Just cryptic things like, you know, trying to figure out how to get the demon out of your child and stuff like that.

Oh, yeah.

But he's just been dead for two weeks.

Oh, yeah, dude.

I mean, this is, I mean, it's one of those things where we probably shouldn't even be talking about this story.

No, but

it's a woman who killed her kid because

she's not possessed.

Yeah.

You know, it just seems like it's in our wheelhouse.

Yeah, this is even, yeah, you know, I'm not sitting here saying this is the funniest story I've ever heard, but I try to do it.

Maybe because like I think it would be funnier if you did it.

Honestly, Eddie, okay.

All right.

Let's take it back.

How do we make this funny?

Do it in a funny voice.

A disturbed mother, funny one spent nearly two weeks before her son's decomposing body was fed flitting.

This isn't funny still.

I still don't like it.

I still don't like it.

I tried.

I'm glad that you did it.

I tried, though.

I'm glad you did it.

This is the ultimate yes ending.

Hey, this is the idea here.

I could try to make it funny.

All right, go ahead.

Let me look at the article.

Here we go.

Let me look at this article.

Let me try.

I'll try to make it funny.

Did you see what her last name is?

Oh, this might help.

All right.

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, here we go.

Give me one second.

No, I'm getting there.

I'm going to look at it.

Let me give me the give me the joke.

Give me the one joke of this.

Okay, if we could.

Her name is Pauli Nice.

Polly Nice.

Well, but turns out

Polly's not so nice.

There you go.

Yep.

We did it.

You made Rob laugh at least.

Yep.

That's all that matters.

Yeah, well, she's charged with second-degree murder and a lot of people.

Oh, floral mother allegedly killed a six-year-old son during a twisted attempt to exorcise demons.

She should have put those demons on a treadmill.

Oh.

Is this helping?

Yeah.

I don't know.

I am out of jokes.

It's okay.

You don't have to be in them.

What?

You're out of them.

I am.

You're not in them.

Unbelievable.

What else happened in the news here?

Yeah, not that.

Let's not cover that again.

Yeah, let's get away from that.

Yeah, let's not cover that anymore.

That's nothing.

That's fucking, we're hitting that.

Oh, we had the guy.

We had the guy who jumped in the lake.

He was in a lake with a bunch of alligators in Florida.

Oh, this fucking guy.

And there was a bunch of people like, hey, there's a bunch of gators in a lake.

And they called the cops and stuff, but he was all like fucked up.

And then one of the alligators bit his arm.

And then he still kept swimming.

And he got to this, and he got to the end of the lake.

And then he saw a bunch of cops.

And they're like, stop, stop.

And then he grabbed a bunch of trimming shears for the garden and he ran at the cops and they blew him away

so he got what he wanted i think so wow that's up so he was uh on uh something yeah no he was definitely all up on drugs yes but he was fighting a gator on his own he volunteered to go into a lake and fight a gator um yeah i believe he was just up and he was in the lake i they don't say why he was in the lake with a lot of alligators yeah he was like you do it was at seven in the morning so i imagine he was still uh oh yeah he never went to sleep.

They said that he was drunk or high or something.

He definitely wasn't a fucking.

I guess it's

some of those nespresos.

That super hardcore Nespresso is called like Ardvercio or whatever it's called, the Nurse Nurcio.

Oh, yeah, because Nestle's trying to kill everybody.

Yeah, dude.

It could be that super, super intense Nespresso pod that did this.

Yes.

Because some of that stuff, who

takes me for a loop.

And the cops, they were pretty happy about what they did, to be honest with you.

I think that this is the type of story that like, they love.

They love that he already had a round with an alligator, yeah, and that they got to finish it.

And he had a very deep, he tried to assault the deputies with shears.

He then jumped into

their vehicle,

which is an armed burglary.

And then he tried to get the rifle and shotgun out of the vehicle.

At that moment, all the warnings had to stop and action had to begin.

And that's when they shot him enough to stop the threat.

They unloaded both of their guns.

He looks like a man that could have made them his mug shot.

Basically says, I could have made better choices.

Yeah.

Yeah,

definitely.

Yeah, you're right.

You're right.

I could have made better choices.

I shouldn't be in this place.

I did, unfortunately, have sex with a panda.

And now, but honestly, what's really nice about having sex with the panda is only got like a six-month, like

a whole sentence.

You just get in and out.

Yeah.

oh oh he was on meth

he swam a long way across the lake and in fact was bitten by an alligator significantly and continued his rampage is shocking judd said um judd's one of the police um officers i believe he's uh but he also said that they described the man after they killed him as deader than four o'clock

That's a direct quote.

Deader than four o'clock.

That's crazy.

Deader than four o'clock.

After killing somebody.

Well, that's fucking that is fucking nuts.

It's been a long afternoon for them.

You know, I'll put it that way.

It's definitely a long afternoon for them.

But also, like, they had too much fun with this one.

Unfortunately, they had a bit too much fun with this one.

I think that

this went into the police's favor.

Yeah.

You know, because they got it.

They had a lot of hay with this guy.

A lot of hay.

Because they never get to just shoot somebody in a non-complicated fashion.

You know, like, it's so hard.

When they get one, it's good for them.

Yeah, it is.

Yeah.

Because also, there's a guy that didn't get it good, which was honestly an extremely sad story that I could also not really joke about.

Mark Fogel, 54.

He died in an altercation with a Clark County deputy.

This guy, he was a trucker.

He got arrested for a DUI.

He crashed his car into two parked cars.

Okay.

And he got out.

He started going like, my life's over.

I'm as good as dad.

I'm a trucker.

And they're all like, you know, like,

you're fine.

You're a commercial trucker.

He's supposed to drive.

He had a license for driving like gasoline and waste trucks okay so that's a specialized like it's a license it's a hard to get license and

even the cops are trying to say you know like this doesn't necessarily mean they're going to take your thing away like you can like this dui is your first dui

you'll you can get past this and he keeps saying i'm a dead man i might as well be dead and then in the once he's getting fingerprinted and he's about to get breathalized by the police officer when he's alone like so when they put you in this little they put you in a little cubby hole like wait before they release you i guess to the next cell part where they're gonna test they're gonna test your breath to make sure they have it all registered especially because he refused to do a breathalyzer when he was there and they're like all right we'll get you at the at the station and so the guys start being like it's just you and me right it's just you and me because they released the body cam footage and the deputy's like Yeah, but you're going to be, you're not going to do anything, right?

Because at this point, up to that point, the guy had not been a problem.

And then all of a sudden, the guy, Mark Fogel, jumps on the cop.

They have a fight.

And you see him going, like, he's like, don't touch my gun.

Don't take my gun.

And he's like, that's exactly what I'm doing.

I'm getting your gun.

He goes for it.

He gets a hold of the officer's gun.

He smashes into his, like, the, the, what's his putts?

The camera.

It shuts off, right?

Yeah.

It goes off.

You can see it smash into his chest.

Things goes off.

But then the next thing that happened was the guy, the deputy, had to fucking stab him to death.

He pulled his knife out.

Not even, like, it's not like, it's like his utility knife.

He had to reach into him and get his utility knife and fucking stabbed him 14 times, like in the police station.

Wow.

And in that way, I just felt bad for the cop because this dude was like...

The other guy kind of felt like he was doing a bit of a suicide by cop.

This guy was also trying to do a suicide by cop, but it's a bit more, I'd say it's a bit easier on the cop when it's done with a gun than stabbing him.

Yeah, when you're standing away, yeah, you're not actually feeling the blood run down your knuckles.

But that was like a crazy way for that guy to go.

He was real sad.

He seemed like he, yeah, it seems like he had an emotional problem.

I wish that he understood that a frown

is just a wrong way to hold your umbrella.

That's right.

Yeah, you should have turned that frown upside down.

You know, like that if you just understood that

life finds a way,

right?

And that you could always go.

He could always, Mark Fogel, even if he lost his license, he could always,

you know, you can change.

You can change careers.

Go to OnlyFans.

Yeah.

You know, like Mark Fogel would have been great.

Make a Brown.

You don't think that Mark Fogel wouldn't do well on OnlyFans being one of those seared, sad, naked old men on OnlyFans?

We know how, you know, the Fogel name travels well.

It does.

Yeah.

It really does.

Yeah, this guy was a real bad.

Yeah, this was.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

I watched the whole body cam footage.

It's really, really funny.

Why isn't he cuffed?

Because he was being nice.

So the guy kept saying,

don't make me have to cuff you because he had cuffed him before, but the guy was being really kind of lackadaisical and not being aggressive with the police officer.

And then he took advantage of that.

He was trying to get...

He was trying to...

This is suicide.

He was trying to get suicidal.

He was trying to get murdered.

And it's really very sad because it's like.

Being a truck driver can't be that bad, right?

The very high suicide rate amongst truck drivers.

I mean, we already know that

truck drivers are where the serial killers are, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was a whole bunch of things.

Yeah, it's a pretty rough thing, you know.

But was it, what's the that's really fucked up, dude.

Yeah, they had a fight.

He really had a stab the living hell out of him.

Oh, yeah.

It's not good, buddy.

This is all.

I feel so bad for this cop.

Yeah, I do.

I mean, normally I never feel bad for cops, but in this way, it's just one of those things that's really sad

when we do this.

I do talk a lot of shit on cops, but I often feel bad for them.

It's an extremely awful.

I just like talking shit on authority

in general.

Like that's like, you know, like, you know, mayors, cops, firefighters.

You know what it is?

Is that it's not that I even like to, it's that they must get shit talked.

Yeah.

Because they're the authority.

And if they can't handle it, then why are you the fucking authority?

Yeah, I've used teachers, but I love shit talking about it.

If you're so fucking thin skinned, as far as I'm concerned, cops are supposed to take it.

Landlords, superintendents, you

get, congrats.

You get the privilege.

but guess what you get with the privilege?

My endless bitching at you.

That's what you get

in the difference.

It's like when people get super famous and then you can't then be butthurt when everywhere you go, you're tracked.

Because when you're famous, one of the things you give up.

is your privacy.

Unfortunately, that is a part of the devil's bargain.

Well, I mean, it's called famous.

You know, it's part of the definition of being it.

It's a part of the devil's bargain of it.

There's really nothing you can do about it.

Nobody deserves,

no, obviously no one deserves to be stalked or murdered, but still you're, you have invited this.

You are in the public eye.

And the same thing with a police officer.

You can't handle some fucking criticisms about your job, then I don't know what the fuck to tell you.

The whole point was that you were supposed to be better than that.

You were supposed to stick up for people and help them no matter what they thought of you.

So I would maybe think about that, maybe.

Generals, hospital administrators.

Every one of them.

Everybody can get exact amount of shit as I want to deliver to them.

Yeah, if you're in charge of people, I like inherently just don't like you.

But that's your job, is to take the criticism.

That's your job.

So actually, you're my boss.

Fuck you.

Fuck you.

Fuck you.

Thank you.

No problem.

All right.

Let's get some listener emails.

I do want to talk about.

You didn't mention the Glimmer Man.

I'm about to.

Oh, okay, good.

I want to read this to you.

So, first,

this is not a listener email.

This is from phantomsandmonsters.com

to first elucidate

several years ago

I am way I'm extra burpee today though.

Was that a burp?

I'm fucking that was that that's a burp.

We got a call now.

There's a father noise.

There's father noises.

Mm-hmm.

There's man noises.

Yeah.

And I got a bunch of them.

Oh,

like that.

Yeah.

And hey, there's a glimmer of life left in you still.

Kill me.

We can get through this.

Kill me.

Several years ago, I moved to northern Idaho.

Lucky.

I was always a hunter growing up and was excited to live somewhere

with a more dense forest and more game to hunt.

Since I was new to the area, I went out with my coworker for my first few trips.

We became good friends and became good hunting buddies.

About two years ago, we went out for elk about an hour south of the Canadian border.

We went out and we were scouting the area before we actually went on the hunt and we'd been hiking for a few hours through fairly dense woods.

We came upon a small clearing.

It was about 20 yards by 50 yards.

Before we entered it, I told my friend to stop.

Something about the clearing didn't feel right.

He said, you have a weird feeling, too.

I said, yeah,

almost like it's a trap.

Then I guess we should kiss then.

Yeah, I bet.

Yeah.

That's I I added that.

You added that.

We agreed to go around the clearing and continued on with trying to find the spot.

The next weekend we came back to hunt.

We got there about two to three hours before sunrise and started hiking in.

We split to go to our spots, and after 30 minutes of walking, I found myself in that same clearing.

I no longer had that weird feeling, but I knew I didn't want to be there.

I dug back into the woods and I continued to my spot.

I bet after an hour of sitting there, I heard something moving.

I could not see it, but heard leaves moving.

And I got quiet, real quiet.

No birds, no bugs, nothing.

That's when I saw it.

About thirty years, about thirty yards east of me.

Something was in the tree.

I looked at it, but I couldn't quite tell what it was.

I raised my rifle and looked at it through the scope.

My heart sank, and a cold chill ran down my back.

My first thought was, that's the predator or something from the abyss.

It had a human shape, but it looked like it was made out of water.

I could see through it, but it was distorted.

It was crouched down on the branch, like was looking for something.

I texted my buddy and said, get over here now.

Stay quiet and out of sight.

Our spots were about 30 minutes apart, and after about 45 minutes he showed up.

By this time, the thing had left, but later when he came back a couple of times, now was it was in a tree about 50 yards away.

And I I said, What the fuck is that?

At first, he didn't see it, but then he froze and his jaw dropped.

We both sat there paralyzed with fear.

After about 10 minutes, whatever it was left back into the woods.

We hauled ass out of there like we were being chased by a lion.

Never looked back and just kept running.

We got back to the truck and sat there for a few minutes, quietly staring into the woods.

And that's when I started tucking into my buddy's dick.

No, I added that version of that though.

But so this was, so that's the story of...

His Glimmer Man experience.

The Glimmer Man.

And I'm not talking Steven Seagal.

No.

Because you could tell Steven Seagal is coming by the smell of alcohol and dracar noir.

Yeah.

But then I read this.

This was all separate.

But then I get an email from our listeners.

Hey, boys, can you do an episode on this?

It's a weird phenomenon.

I never knew that this was a common sighting.

God, help me.

I am fucking.

You are done.

I am a mess today.

I didn't even do anything.

It's not like I did anything yesterday.

We weren't even drinking that hard this week.

I did nothing.

I'm just high.

I'm literally just fucking fat.

Yeah.

And dumb and ugly.

Well, as long as you're saying that.

So I've ever heard someone else describe it as the cloaked predator until today.

So multiple people have now seen this.

A basic description.

Five to six feet in height, no discernible features, only a humanoid shape.

It gives a slight

magnification to anything it passes.

Never made a sound.

Never made quick movements.

Always a slow, steady walk.

Basically, the cloaked predator, but smoother.

And for clarity, I didn't see any Predator movies until I was 16.

At least four times between the ages of 10 and 13, while in bed at night, I would see this shape walk into my room, stand at the end of my bed.

It would stay there for several minutes while I covered my head and passed out from fear or suffocation.

There was only one time that it walked around the bed and came closer.

All I could do was bury my head and yell firmly, you have to leave, do not come back.

Sounds like his dad's got a ghillie suit.

Well, cool.

After that, I never saw it again.

Years later, I talked to my mom and sister about eerie things in that house.

And as I described this, I watched their faces drop, confirming that they saw the same thing.

Now, I want to see if we have any other Glimmer Man

sightings.

Well, I feel like if you just see, you know, like on a hot day, you could see like vapors.

I know what you mean, but I also know what they mean by like seeing a moving thing.

I've seen this sort of like on YouTube, like, which is fake, obviously, I think a lot of times, but I've seen YouTube videos of something like a Glimmer Man.

But I have never seen it in real life, but I've also can imagine, weirdly enough, that's how a cryptid would operate.

Yeah.

Right?

I guess so.

I don't know.

You don't think so?

I I don't.

I'm sure.

Yeah.

But what's it eat?

What's it?

What does it matter?

I'm just saying, if it's, if it's like a, if it's a ghost.

I don't think it's a ghost.

But something like a ghost.

What's the ghost of a Bigfoot?

What if a Bigfoot committed fucking suicide?

Now it's haunting the woods.

Now, this is a story that I like.

You see what I'm saying?

Now,

Bigfoot's fucking so sad that nobody cares and it can't get fucked anymore.

If a Bigfoot had erectile dysfunction, E.D.

That it spells Ed.

I know.

I know, Eddie, because there's nothing not hard about you, especially your arteries.

Yes.

So if this Bigfoot went and he was sad and he went out there and he put a fucking gun in his mouth that he stole from somebody because his dick doesn't work anymore, he can't get the pump because if he were to go get their surgery, he'd reveal himself.

Yeah, he'd have to have an address.

Yeah, so that's hard for him.

He'd have to have insurance and all that kind of shit.

You know, he's not liquid.

It's hard to insure being a Bigfoot.

So honestly, no one wants to insure him.

Nobody wants to deal with it because of the inherent natures and dangerous nature of the forest.

Yeah.

And so he's got the heart the size of a pumpkin.

It's so difficult for him to get any coverage.

And so he just blows his fucking brains out.

Now he's haunting the woods.

Hmm.

Remember the movie Mask?

Not Jim Carrey, the other one with Eric Stoltz when he had the big head.

I do.

Do you think that's just a shaved Bigfoot?

I just want to thank everybody for listening to today's episode.

He had a, he had something wrong with him.

Yeah.

But it was a mask.

No, it wasn't real.

It wasn't Michael J.

Fox.

No, it wasn't real.

Yeah, it wasn't real.

But I'm glad you're here for this.

I'm glad that you did this.

Live every day like you barely survived a UFO convention.

Yeah.

Love every minute you have above the dirt because there ain't nothing you can do about it.

We learned that from the Final Destination films.

Hell yeah.

All right.

You can laugh your way to the bank knowing you're about to fucking kill everybody at the bank.

Oh, yeah.

On Patreon this week, we interviewed

Craig Perry, who produced every single one of the Final Destination movies and the American Pie movies.

He did.

He did.

It was interesting.

It was very interesting.

It was very, very interesting.

You know, because like Final Destination, you're like, oh, you know, is that silly?

Is it good?

You know, I remember not liking it.

It was cool.

I watched a bunch of them to gear up for the interview, and I liked it more than I remembered.

Honestly, I find them to be fun, and they are a good old-fashioned popcorn, man.

It's a good old-fashioned popcorn movie, dog.

Yeah, so I mean, horror, it's a big year for horror.

It really is.

I've seen them come out.

There's more horror movies out this year than I think I've ever seen before.

It's one really cool year.

It's good to be out there, man.

Go and check out.

Speaking, don't go just don't go see movies but also see our youtubes yeah youtubes got all these new ones got lpn romantic and who's the bee right both of those separate for uh the lpn romanticy series that natalie and jackie are doing and uh the who's the bitch podcast in which way they analyze who's the fucking bitch with karaoke clank and jackie sabrowski also the foreign report has its own youtube page the fucking lpn tv has its own youtube page uh you got to go and check it out out because that is where we're moving all of our streams.

And know that today, I don't know if this, this should come out right before, we are doing, at 3 p.m.

PST, we are doing the big keynote speech where I'm going to lay out the next two years of content.

Z23, Z23.

Z23.

It's going to be big.

Go check us out there, motherfuckers.

Go dad.

LLB on the left for all these fucking socials.

That's right.

And then we're on tour.

Don't forget.

Don't forget.

Last podcast on the left and side stories are on tour.

This month is the month of June.

And June 28th, we're going to be at the Coca-Cola Roxy in Atlanta.

And then on June 29th, Henry and I are doing two shows at Dad's Garage.

I think they're sold out already, but if not, they're very close to it.

So go and get the last couple tickets available there.

And then in July, we're in Salt Lake City, Charlotte, North Carolina, Durham, North Carolina, St.

Paul, Minnesota, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Oakland, California, Cleveland, Ohio, and Portland, Oregon.

Also, there's going to be a lot more side story shows announced for you to come check out and crime wave at sea.

Don't forget crimewave at sea.com slash left to get your tickets to come see Henry and I on a cruise ship.

That's Monday, November 3rd through Friday, November 7th, leaving out of Fort Lauderdale, Florida on board Caribbean cruise lines.

And then also, don't forget on August 21st, I'm doing Dead Men Tell Some Tales with my buddy Disney Dan, where we're going to talk about all the dark history of Disney parks and all the people that died there.

We got all kinds of shit we're finding.

So please come and check out that show.

That's gonna be at the Elysian Theater in Los Angeles.

I believe that's all I care about talking about today.

Fuck get it.

Hell yeah, man.

Fucketa.

Get better food in the desert.

I'm fucking sick of this shit.

We need to do it.

We gotta help it.

We'll just have to bring it.

Cactus tacos.

We're gonna bring what you got.

We're gonna bring it this year.

Yeah.

I want to eat Roadrunner.

I'll eat coyote.

Just fucking feed me something out there.

It's a mess.

I'd love to have some coyote.

All right.

You'll see.

yeah, and uh, hail, um, I don't know, Robert the Doll again.

I love that motherfucker.

What's poppin' listeners?

I'm Lacey Mosley, host of the podcast Scam Goddess, the show that's an ode to fraud and all those who practice it.

Each week, I talk with very special guests about the scammiest scammers of all time.

Want to know about the fake heirs?

We got them.

What about a career con man?

We've got them too.

Guys that will will wine and dine you and then steal all your coins.

Oh, you know they are represented because representation matters.

I'm joined by guests like Nicole Beyer, Ira Madison III, Conan O'Brien, and more.

Join the congregation and listen to Scam Goddess wherever you get your podcasts.

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