Side Stories: Beyond Contact w/ Captain Ron Janix

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There's no place to escape to.

This is the last podcast.

On the left.

Side stories?

That's when the cannibalism started.

Side stories.

Yes.

Wow.

Yeah, yeah, a little rhythm.

Yeah, a little rhythm.

A little Pope is dead music.

Well, you know, it's important

because it's important today to really recognize the fact

the curse has been broken.

News has finally happened.

And time for side stories to talk about it.

I know.

It has finally happened.

We've been waiting for something like this for years.

It has never happened.

The Pope always gets better.

Yeah, he loves getting better.

He always goes dipping down and then pulling up the nose, make everybody get all excited, starting up the conclave, then sending out the invites.

This Pope died like five times.

He's been dead.

That's the other thing.

He's been dead for six months.

At least.

They said irreversible heart failure is how he died.

I actually, I had heard.

I saw a stroke.

Yeah, well, he was stroking.

Woo!

Oh, stroking to the east, stroking to the west, stroking to the boy that I love best.

He is stroking.

Pope Francis is dead.

Hey, how are you doing?

Welcome to Side Stories.

My name is Henry Zabrowski.

I'm sitting here with Ed Larson.

How are you doing?

I want to be the first

to bless the Pope after he's dead.

You know, a lot of people.

In the name of the dad,

and the ghost, and the enchanted

something, apparition.

Yep.

I want to say a lot of people said Henry Zaprowski is going to come out hard with the, you know, the Pope harboring Molester's joke about how

he's, you know, him and Whoopi Goldberg, I think, had an affair together.

There's a lot of people, him, he was coming for that Ted Danson ex-wife material.

Oh, yeah.

I think that there's a lot of people that were expecting me to say stuff like that, but I want to say, Papu Jorge, me so sorry, you dead.

Yeah, yeah, man.

Papu Jorge, I'm so sorry that the last thing that you had to see was J.D.

Vance's fat face, but everybody else was also saying the same thing.

We've all seen the millions of jokes about J.D.

Vance killing the Pope.

He was probably already dead.

Oh, we're still.

Just sitting there.

I think that the Pope's been dead for two months.

I think so.

I think they knew that they had a drink.

How did they get fatter?

I don't know.

And, you know, whatever it is, apparently when you, yeah, when you gain cancer, it's not like it's like you get a lot of money.

You get a lot of cancer.

Yeah, it's a lot of stuff.

He probably had everything.

He had every single thing that you could have.

He had it all in one go.

J.D.

Vance begged to see him.

He sent his goon.

Papu Jorge went and sent his goon at him to

tell him, you know, you're not a real Christian.

J.D.

Vance went,

then they went and then he got to see him on his last breaths.

But I still think that he was dead.

He saw Papu Jorge sitting there.

Papua Jorge, they screwed his little hat on.

They got the threads on there.

You know, they made sure he had his arms attached because they fell off about three weeks ago.

And so, you know, they had the strings.

No, yeah.

All popes are puppets.

We know that.

Shout out to Netcha.

Shout out to Netcha.

Welcome to Levatica.

Have you ever been to Italy?

You know, J.D.

Vance is like wondering why he's not answering him.

He's like, this motherfucker's stonewalling me.

Or he's like, wow, quiet contemplation.

Just watching the corpse of him rot in front of him.

We also said we're looking at his.

Since when do we let vice presidents meet the pope, by the way?

Since all the rules are gone, Eddie.

Vice presidents.

Vice presidents don't get to meet the fucking Pope.

Vice presidents need to be pretty and shut the fuck up.

That's right.

That's all I want to see.

I want you to sit in your little fucking box.

I want you to do something dumb, like teach people to read or something.

That's what vice presidents are supposed to do.

They're not supposed to.

He's too busy.

And you know what?

He looks like shit.

And eventually, you know, if they think that you had anything to to do with this J.D.

Vance, the Vatican is going to disappear you.

Oh, my God.

And I hope.

I just hope that he said one wrong thing in that room.

Oh, I can guarantee it.

It probably just something like, oh, man, whoa, hey.

Nice dress.

But done.

Done.

But we were looking at pictures of Papu Jorge in his casket.

And if you look at it, you can tell, I guess, like

they sort of don't embalm them.

I don't quite know.

Let me get a close-up of this.

I don't know how it all works.

It's not large for me to know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I want to see it big.

I want to get in there.

Can I take a VR tour of the Pope's casket?

Man, what about the guy behind him dressed like a jester?

That is the Swiss Guard.

That's the Swiss Guard?

Yes, that is a part of the Vatican Guard.

That's the elite guard that their jobs are to protect that hat.

Maybe a different fucking outfit would help them be better fighters.

No, that's how you know that they are not for good for fighting.

I will say, don't fuck with the Swiss Guard.

I've made comments about the Swiss Guard before, and apparently they will fuck you up.

Really?

Apparently, yeah, they are very highly trained.

That's his private army.

Do they put holes in people?

Yeah, yeah, for them.

Oh, cheese.

Yeah.

String them up, Jesus, Mike.

But the papu is here melting.

You can see him in this casket.

He's slowly melting, which shows.

But the funeral's not till Saturday.

Yeah, I know.

He already looks awful.

They're going to have to pop him on ice.

They're going to do something, right?

I think they do.

They put them in the fridge.

Yeah.

They have to.

Yeah, I mean, you know you got to have all the spread going it's not like it's cold in italy it's nice it's nice well that's france the um stole my joke yeah but you deserve it and uh

i love how they had to like they're like okay he's uh five eight but um we need uh we need a six foot five casket for the hat just so you know we're gonna have to bury him with the hat it's actually uh it seems he died with it still on just melting into his forehead that's because he has a dildo on top of his head.

Yeah,

the hat hides the dildo.

I wonder, like, so now we're going to go through the conclave.

Side stories, L-P-O-T-L at gmail.com.

I'd love to know what we know about what they do to the Pope's corpse.

Because I know what we did.

We were talking about with Gurney right before the show.

They have a whole thing.

Obviously, it's a whole very

regiment of his eyes.

They do a regiment of breakdown.

Jerry Orbach didn't get to ask.

So we don't get to, the Pope doesn't get to ask either.

But they

go through a whole procedure, and I know one of them is they take a little hammer and they knock him on the head three times.

This is true.

Silver hammer.

Yes.

And they knock him on the head three times, and then they go,

Jorge.

And they say his real name.

And I guess that transmutes him back to human.

Or if he, like, like, if possible, wake up.

And then, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Shut the fuck up.

Shut the fuck up.

Go back to sleep.

Conclusion.

Go back to sleep.

It's my turn.

Pap out.

It's my fucking turn.

I'm in charge.

Hell yeah, man.

I mean, because what happens, they seal the apartments.

Yes.

You never know what happens in there.

If I were to do, I'd go like, I'd go up to his little lips and go, forgiven, Henry.

Yeah, okay.

That's mine.

Thanks, buddy.

I know about all your crimes, and I forgive you.

Thank you.

But yeah, everyone's expecting us to talk about how, like,

a lot of you gave me pushback because

he's

he was the nice pope.

He's the best pope we've had.

What does that even mean?

But I do.

He's better than the other fucks.

He's fine.

I, what's hard is that I don't mind.

The next one's gonna suck.

He has used homophobic

slurs in the past.

But he's also stuck up for gay people.

Sort of.

The thing is, is that he said they're allowed to be humans.

Kind of.

He's like, it's still one of those where I do think that I know that everyone's saying, like, at least he's trying, but you know what?

I'd love someone that didn't just try.

You'd just be executed.

Do it.

Be the Pope.

This is my thing.

Aren't you like the fucking infallible head of the church?

I know you have all these people you have to convince and all this kind of shit, but when it comes down to it, he could literally come out and be like, not only are gay people great, but I jerk off to gay porn every day.

Like if he really wanted to change shit, he would actually change shit Instead of kind of hinting and kind of half changing shit.

And before everybody tells me, oh, the politics and blah, blah, blah, it's like, yeah, I get it.

I don't give a fuck.

If he's chosen by God, then he should be able to do whatever the fuck it is he wants.

Also, the Catholics, you know, they could use a little refresh, a little, little sprucing up.

Somebody needs to do something with like a set of huevos.

I mean, someone's got to actually, actually do something.

And now we have the opportunity to do the funniest thing ever if anybody has seen Conclave and they know how Conclave ends.

Yes.

And I think that could be really, really fun.

This is a good way for someone to sneak in there.

Yeah.

Oh, so Pope Francis here, I love this.

He says, he sneaks in views on sex and masturbation as he kisses feet of prisoners.

Lucky Pope.

Really?

What does he say?

On Holy Thursday.

Do you suck on these feet?

Hey, hey, yeah.

I know I'm supposed to kiss them, but I could suck on them if you want.

Hey, you know what?

I'm in prison for child molestation.

You go ahead and suck my feet, feet, both.

Is it okay that I'm like super old?

Yep.

Do you mind that I'm old?

That to me is the grossest part of this, but yeah, please start sucking.

And so he says that he's saying no to masturbation, right?

He says God is the most.

He said sex is one of the most beautiful things that God has given to the human person, even though he's never.

He has no idea.

He doesn't know about sex.

No.

He doesn't even know.

Does he know what queefing is?

But while in the mayor in favor of sex, masturbation,

he still says is a big no-no.

Masturbation's a no-no?

No, no.

You know what's a big no-no?

Having sex with children.

That's a big old fat no-no.

A lot of those guys, it's a bit of a yes-yes.

They are very, very, they're super into it.

Yeah.

Criminally so.

So now we are mourning the passing of Il Papu.

The next one's mourning.

Morning, as in, it's, you know,

it's early.

It's 2.15.

Yeah.

I think that the next pope is going to suck.

And they have to suck.

Yeah.

So I I don't.

We went from Nazi to halfway decent.

Sorta.

Sorta.

Again, I still feel like it's giving him too much credit.

No one.

There's no reason to like a pope.

No, it's like a president.

It's like a king.

Anybody that likes anybody that is in charge by some fucking people.

It's the largest cult in the world.

So the secret group gets together and puts together, they all decide what they have interpreted, what God has told them to choose who the guy is to be pope.

And they've chose multiple Nazis.

They've chose multiple war criminals.

They've chosen.

It's like, so I don't want to fucking hear it.

So now the next Pope is going to be some other guy.

It's probably going to be like

it's going to be

Bezos.

No, he even, he, I don't even know if he's an American.

He doesn't want to live in Italy.

He doesn't live in the Vatican.

We might have our first American Pope.

I forget the guy's name.

We might get an American in there.

Oh, good.

That'd be great.

No, I don't think so.

You know what I want?

I want some English under the Pope.

Robot.

Robot Pope.

Where's my Roomba Pope?

Roomba Pope?

Yeah, they got Roombas that got mopped now.

Where's my Roomba Pope?

Yeah, you got this.

You put a hat on a Roomba.

Yeah, fuck these guys.

They're all saying the same thing.

We might have our first.

There was talk about having our first African Pope.

But they didn't like how

Francis approved of same-sex couples.

No,

they are going to choose somebody that's very bad.

Do you know what I like about Francis' death?

Why, a thing that he did that I find to be kind of cool is he said that there's always a private viewing for all the cardinals and it was like, fuck that shit.

They don't get that.

I think it's like, take anything away.

Change anything is all I'm saying.

How about change something that matters?

You know, you start small.

You know, I guess that's my question.

It's like, I guess where everyone wants me to give him credit, I guess it's just

like Cardinal Matteo Zappi.

Every single time I see one of their little tiny hats, I'd get angry.

I hate the Cardinals' tiny hats.

Yeah,

why do they have all origami hats?

I'm so sorry.

Do they have like a class and they all made their hats together and now they have to wear it?

You work it in-n-out, or is that just what you do with kids?

Yeah.

Fucking disgusting shit.

I like that.

I know.

Legitimately, I do.

I am trying to dial back the molestation jokes because that's our act.

on the road.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't want to spoil those bits.

So

it's just this idea of the, I'm not, I don't care that the Pope is dead.

I'm glad that he's dead.

But unfortunately, it just opens up.

Do you not care, or are you glad?

No, I just don't.

This is one or the other.

I'm mad that there's going to have to be a new choice.

You know what this is again?

This is another British wedding.

This is another royal wedding, fucking garbage.

This is another, oh, the queen's dead.

I'm going to have to watch five hours of fucking dragging her wrinkly ass across fucking the bridge to go dump her in the river or whatever.

That was fun to go to look at the dead queen for so long.

This is another thing that the whole world has to stop and give a shit about that I'm sick of.

You know, I'm sick of these things.

You know, I want to talk about what?

How we helped Ryan Koogler's sinners do very well in the box office.

Oh,

see, that's the difference.

That's original horror movie, big budget.

Yeah, it is.

That's made some fucking cash, dude.

That's the fucking news.

This is a great year between this and the substance and Nosferatu.

This is a fucking big year for horror movies coming back to the mainstream where they fucking belong.

I am also going to confess that I am

buying time

in this recording

waiting with the verdict watch open for the Lori Vallo trial on my YouTube.

I wonder what Mr.

Kugler thinks about that.

Let me ask him.

He probably is.

Rob, call Kugler.

Call him on the phone.

Pull up the Kugler.

Pull up the Koogler phone.

But no,

I've been sitting here because what I was also hoping for in another first for side stories, that that verdict would come in on time.

We still, we have a couple minutes left.

You never know what's going to happen.

Rob's watching.

I don't know.

We're going to know for a week.

I think there's one fucking asshole in there being an asshole.

I actually don't know if it can go that long.

I think it really can only be, like, the fact that it's taking longer than 15 minutes to decide that she's guilty is one of the biggest travesties I have ever seen.

Do they have the death penalty in Arizona?

Could she get the death penalty?

She is not there.

She's not up for a death penalty because this is just a conspiracy trial.

Oh, okay.

So this is just saying that she's like involved.

She orchestrated the conspiracy.

And now I can see how you can convince maybe some of the less bright members of the jury pool that there is a reasonable doubt, right?

Like, because the main issue is that the prosecutor put out all of this circumstantial evidence, which is the texts.

Yeah.

But the texts tell the entire story of a person

going ahead and planning.

Like, she was the mastermind.

She was the one pulling all the elements together.

She was the one that told Alex to get the gun.

She was the one that

made sure that her other bestie got her, the, pulled her brother out of the scenarios, that Charles Valla would make sure that he would show up alone to the house.

She was the one that told Tylee to fake coming out with the baseball bat.

According to the text messages?

No, but you can, it's insinuated.

And the problem is that how,

it just depends on how difficult a jury wants to be.

Yeah.

Because they also...

They don't know that she killed her kids.

Ostensibly, they don't know.

At the end of this, they're going to be like, what?

She killed those fucking kids?

I think so, yes.

I would have changed my goddamn vote.

Exactly.

Which is the reason why they didn't want it in there.

It's because they're trying to figure out out if you can.

But this is the, this is one of those really hard lines because there was no person

seeing a meeting of them together orchestrating the plan.

Yeah.

There was no, there's nobody from within the plan to testify because guess what?

They're dead.

Everybody's dead.

Yeah.

And no one's asking about that.

No one's asking, where's Tylie?

Why didn't she talk?

And they know Alex is dead, but they were like, where's everybody else?

Where's Chad Daybell's wife?

Chad Daybell in general.

Chad Daybell, they are,

Jad Daybell, the prosecutor, specifically carved out because they did not.

Number one, he's not going to come.

It's his right to plead the fifth because he's married to Lori Vallo, like because he was still illegally married to her.

So it's his right to not testify.

No lawyer of his would tell him to go testify because he's trying to fight his death penalty.

Oh, he's getting shot in the head.

We all know that.

Oh, can't wait.

Oh, man, let me do it.

And then the next ones ones are the, but that's kind of the issue now: is that any one of those pieces of information, if Lori Valor were to bring up, would allow the prosecutor to open up the story and bring in the

story of her killing her kids, which is what Lori Valo kept trying to fight.

And then, as you can see, the reason why she did not end up testifying on the stand.

And the reason why she didn't end up testifying, which is, I did find an interesting statistic, is that 90%

of defense trials that don't include the defendant testifying on their behalf, they end up losing the case.

Wow.

So it's the fact that she didn't testify says a lot to the jury.

And because the reason why she didn't testify is because she didn't want to be under control of having to answer questions from the prosecutor.

Does she ask herself questions if she testified?

She would probably, she would do one or the other.

It's actually, I had to look this up.

It's either, she would have a set of written questions that would be asked by her.

She has an assisting

lawyer.

She has somebody that's kind of helping her get through a lot of the processes there because she doesn't have a law degree and she's a fucking moron and a homicidal maniac.

And so she...

She did a good job, though.

She did not.

I mean, they're still deliberating.

The only reason why they're deliberate for two and a half hours today.

They're just doing it because they are a pain in the butt.

They are doing it because it's a pain in the butt.

They legitimately,

she did such a horrendous job.

of doing what she was needing to do.

It just really depends on, and I mean this as nicely as possible, how dumb the jury is.

Man, I'll tell you what.

It's about how dumb or how difficult the jury wants to be.

If I can give you a little brighter side to this,

if she does get off, first of all, she's in prison for the rest of her life, no matter what.

So it doesn't even matter.

But if she does get off, I think it'll influence a lot more idiots to defend themselves.

Always.

And then, but then they'll end up losing.

Well, I mean,

there is just no way she's going to win.

There's just no way, but we'll find out.

Yeah.

I mean, that's what they said.

She should be in by now.

Well, no, not necessarily.

Right now, it's a two and a half hours.

Yeah.

Right now, it's two and a half hours.

They said that she got in Idaho, she got seven hours.

It took them to decide that she was guilty in Idaho.

And also, it was a much longer trial.

Well, she might represent herself in that.

No, and it was a much thicker trial.

But this one, it's just, I don't understand.

It's obviously

slightly less of a sentence, too.

But I do think that once they find out that after the fact that she's murdered her children, they're going to be pretty upset if they they let her go on this one.

But I mean, we still don't know where that is.

We just don't know where it is.

And Lori Vallo, so the answer is she can have answers.

She can have questions that her assistant attorney can answer to her.

And then there's other things that you can do.

Sometimes they allow you to testify to a narrative where they allow you to just extemporaneously talk.

Where you can monologue at the

jury.

She can't.

Both of us almost said audience.

Yes,

fucking performance.

But that's all it would be.

It's all it is.

But then, uh, but the problem again is that then she would be open to cross-examination, and the last thing that she wanted was to be spoken to by another woman, which is the saddest thing.

I think, in the end, she just hates, she definitely hates this prosecuting attorney.

Nothing would make me happier than watching this prosecuting attorney nail her to a fucking wall.

But it's just we, it's not gonna happen.

The poll on Law and Crime Network, 28,000 votes, guilty by 94%.

Not guilty, 2%.

Hung jury, 4%.

It's because the audience knows she kills her kids.

Yes.

The audience knows she's already a convicted murderer.

But the jury has to know that she's a prisoner.

So they know she's a prisoner already, but they don't know what of.

They don't know what for.

They technically.

They know that she's led in every day in handcuffs and taking them off.

She knows that she's wearing a body shock vest.

Oh, really?

Oh, yeah.

Just in case she uses it.

But she dresses nicely, though.

Yes, because that is her right.

Because she's in trial.

The goal is that that's one of those things they talk about is about how it might influence the jury to see you in prison where.

Yeah.

No.

Because on her, it looks great.

She fucking deserves everything.

So what happens if she's not guilty?

Just like there's this a flawed justice system and that's it?

No, it's like technically the justice system does what it does.

Yeah.

So it's up to the jury.

It is up to the jury.

You can't do anything about the issues of humankind not understanding.

Understanding open back up and they start looking for Charles Fallow's murderer?

No, they don't know.

No, they don't.

No, because Alex killed him.

Essentially, Alex is the murderer.

Yeah.

But Alex isn't there because Alex is dead, which they also did not talk about how he died.

We know that they said that she died.

He died by natural causes, which is still true.

Pink juice out the lungs.

Yes, that's still true, but doesn't necessarily mean that it was was natural.

Because I still think it's very possible that he committed or suicide or something like that.

Did he get an autopsy?

I don't remember.

I think it worked as that.

No, because at that time they thought it was all.

I think that they were so certain that it was natural causes.

What brain aneurysm?

Brain aneurysm.

Pulmonary aneurysm or something like that.

Which is the same thing that I guess that Tammy Dabell had, even though they opened that one up.

Interesting.

So Alex probably was murdered as well, but we just know to know for sure.

No way.

No way.

Especially if he died the same way as Tammy.

At least, sounds like it.

Yeah.

But, you know, so this is going to play out, but she, I just, I cannot imagine she's not going to be.

What was Tammy's official cause of death again?

I think, again, it was, it was considered suspicious.

At first, it was considered pulmonary embolism,

and then it was suspicious.

And then Daybell, Chad, got

got for it.

Got got for it.

Yes.

So Chad Daybell's already gone all the way.

Now they're saying that, yeah, she was asphyxiated.

Oh.

So she was.

That's what they tried to say.

oh that's right because they dug her up and they found the marks on her and all that shit oh yeah that's right they found the bro the bone broken in her throat that's right that's right that's right it's almost like we did a whole thing about this it's almost like we did a month on this

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Hey, Eddie, what?

You know what doesn't belong in your epic summer plans?

What doesn't belong in my epic summer plans?

Getting burned by your old wireless bill.

Oh my gosh, it burns me all the time.

I know.

It's like, halala.

Oh, so hot.

Hot.

While you're planning beach trips, barbecues, and three-day weekends, your wireless bill should be the last thing holding you back.

Well, what should be holding me back?

Probably,

I would say you got problems with, you know, you have acid reflux.

Yeah.

You got some problems consuming dairy.

I can barely swim.

You are afraid of loud noises?

I hate loud noises.

You're afraid of being outside.

Crack you.

But otherwise.

But otherwise,

you're good to go.

And that's why you got to make the switch to Mint Mobile.

Mmm, so fresh.

Yep.

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All right.

So speaking, this is some future news that I, I just, I can't even believe this story.

It's just wild.

This is like what the, this is like what we can expect for shit like this to start happening.

Woman posing as ICE agent kidnaps X's wife.

Yeah, this is like, this is a full-on, like, she had a costume and a character,

the whole thing.

All right, with detentions by immigration and customs enforcement agents in the headlines, a woman in Florida decided to don an ice shirt and kidnap, might have been Icy, it might have been like a shirt.

Yeah, like

kidnap her ex-boyfriend's wife.

Latrance Battle, 52, showed off the shirt and held a handheld radio when she showed up at a hotel chain where the woman worked on April 10th, according to Bay County Sheriff's Office.

She also allegedly presented a business card indicating that she worked for the sheriff's office and told the employee she was there to pick her up.

This is too easy.

Yes.

The victim in the process of becoming a legal U.S.

resident got into the vehicle with Battle, believing her to be a real ICE agent.

So she's just terrified and she gets in there.

Once in the vehicle, the woman tried to call her husband and lawyer, but Battle forcefully snatched the phone from her hand.

Deputies wrote in the arrest affidavit.

They added the victim became suspicious after Battle drove past the sheriff's office and made comments indicating the woman would have to suffer the consequences of her husband's actions.

Oh, shit, dude.

That's bad.

This is like, ladies get angry, man.

Yeah, dude.

This is fucking wild.

You know what I'll say?

I really appreciate that a woman's doing this.

Yeah.

I'm not a man.

And it's costumes.

I feel like theater.

Because most dudes are the ones that go this far.

Yeah.

It's nice to see a lady really go for it.

True jealousy.

Most of the time, you just got to get a nice, a new hair color.

You feel better.

She took her to an apartment complex where, and then she was able to contact a resident there who was who called for help.

So not a red roof in.

So someone saw that, you know, she was in trouble and they called the police for her.

So that's nice.

Oh, yes.

When the woman was able to speak to her husband again, he told her the apparent ICE agent sounded a lot like his ex, a woman he said attacked him at his job two years earlier.

So that's her move.

She shows up at your job and fucks with you.

That's, I mean, that's the fucking, that's where everybody's super vulnerable.

You remember back in the day in high school, did you ever play

Mafia?

No.

Did you ever do that?

I know what it is.

When people would have like, you'd get a hit and then you had to hit somebody.

Like, we used to do this in high school where it's like, you know, like certain places were safe zones, but everybody who was playing had a water pistol and you could whack somebody.

Yeah.

Like do a thing.

And then when you whack somebody, they give you who they were supposed to whack and you go do it again and again.

Oh, that's kind of fun.

But if work was supposed to be off limits, that's what this lady doesn't get.

She doesn't know the rules of mafia.

She just knows the rules of ICE.

Yeah.

Show up to our schools, apparently.

Oh, that's what they like.

Then she was fleeing to Alabama.

She got caught and she was charged with kidnapping in

commission of a felony, robbery by sudden snatching, impersonating a law officer, and the commission of a felony and felony violation of probation.

So she's fucked.

Wow.

That's just like, I mean, that's a long way to go to get revenge.

You really don't need to do all that much for that much.

What was her plan, though?

I just think.

Was she going to try and deport this woman?

I think that she was going to try to, to be honest, I think that she was rolling for as fat, as long as she could with just kind of

improvising, saying yes and to herself.

And then I think eventually she realized, like, oh, this isn't going to play out unless I kill this woman.

Yeah, I think it's good.

If you're going to commit a crime, I think it's good to have a goal.

It's like writing a book.

It's like writing a book.

Stab what Stephen King said.

Stephen King said the key to writing a book is knowing the ending.

He's like, everything else you'll figure out.

But if you know the beginning and the ending, you could do a lot to get from A to Z.

And so that's the main thing.

For anybody looking to a long con

that, think of the ending in mind.

And also, two,

take the complications out of it.

You can just grab the woman coming out of work and putting her in the back of your car.

You know what I mean?

You don't need to get a costume.

You don't need licenses or any of that stuff.

You can't just whack her in the back of the head when she's coming out of the bathroom.

So I would say also, that's not advice.

No, as much as it's just, you know, what are you doing here, lady?

Just think about if you're going to do a crime, just understand that it's going to keep going.

It's going to keep going.

And I have one other story I want to do.

Oh, please.

Arizona is not a friendly place.

And nothing really says that quite like this story.

They're about to let Lori Vallo off.

I mean, I know.

So some are so allowing.

Any updates, Rob?

Nope, not yet.

No, this is fucking deliberating.

You're slow-ass pieces of fucking shit.

So here we go.

So we're in Arizona, a guy by the name of Daniel Lanks.

this is in phoenix uh now i can't realize that this is just aggravated assault facing felony this guy uh he's facing felony aggravated assault he had an unprovoked attack a cop said so people came up to him a guy came up to him and he said hey how you doing

and then uh daniel daniel lanks pulled his eyeball out Yeah.

Yeah.

The victim said.

Beat the shit out of him after that.

Oh, yes.

Because once you pull the eyeball out, the guy's pretty surprised.

The victim stated that during this incident, he was in fear for his life and safety, believing that Daniel could have killed him.

Absolutely.

He popped your eyeball out.

Also, popping an eyeball out is not that hard.

Yeah, no, that's what I hear.

Get the thumb in there.

Or you just hit the side really hard.

The key, I want to just like, eh,

that's what my dad always said.

Go for fucking eyes and balls.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

That's very nice of him.

He was crazy.

That's very nice.

My buddy's dad taught me how to fight, and

when I got my car, he gave me a cue ball.

And I said, and then he was like, I was like, what do I do with this?

He's like, oh, you keep it in your trunk in case anyone tries to run from you.

Oh, wow.

Good.

Yeah, you know me.

Always hunting people down to the ends of the earth.

Yes.

So he said he just went up to him.

He just like, because what crime?

Where is there a crime?

Daniel Lanks, 39, older than him.

Yeah.

That's like, that's where I'm starting to get upset when I'm starting to see that I'm older than some of our criminals.

Oh, yes.

Which makes me upset?

That's why I can't watch sports anymore.

I know.

It's just girls.

I'll kill children.

I can't watch children do anything.

But yeah, no, I mean, this guy, he,

how are you doing?

And then rips his goddamn eyeball.

I mean, he was obviously doing bad.

Yeah, how you doing?

I'm stressed.

You know, he just, I just don't even really say how he popped it out.

He reached from behind him and like scooped it.

But that's crazy.

It is really crazy.

That's a crazy way to do it.

He must have done it before.

Do you think, and I don't mean that, I'm not blaming the victim at all.

No.

Is it any way

I was loose?

Oh, just a little little loose.

You might have had big sockets.

I think your eyes are so deep in your head, they'd be really hard to get.

Super hard to get.

Yeah, and I got to challenge you people.

Try to come and scoop my eyes.

I dare you to try to scoop my eyes.

You'll never get near enough to my eyes to scoop them.

My eyeballs are always moving around.

We need some grill tongs to get him out.

But after he fucking took this guy's eyeball out, he fell to the ground, started screaming, my eyeball.

My eye, my eye, my eye.

And then he just started punching him in the face and broke his fucking jaw.

Yes.

That is a brutal fucking attack.

Links was apparently, he was near a shop at the intersection of Broadway and 48th Street.

It was around 1 a.m.

And the victim walked.

Don't talk to anyone past midnight.

Again, I'm up letting victim blame involve.

Not victim.

No, it's just advice.

This isn't victim blaming.

This is just straight up advice.

Well, I will say, you don't do the head nod to any kind of man.

Head nod, you know, that's only, like, literally, a head nod is like, am I supposed to be scared of you right now?

Yes, but that's what a head nod is.

A head nod is a communication

between men.

We're acknowledging each other's presence.

And you just go like, like, I just came from up north in Oscota, up north in Michigan, Oscota.

I just also, big shout out to the American Glory growers.

Yes.

I actually got actual good weed grown by hand from a place dead in the middle of nowhere.

Amazing.

Fucking Michigan.

It was great stuff.

Go check it out.

But the idea that you could like,

so you're talking to another man.

Sometimes you got to give somebody the head nut, right?

I feel that that's with men communicating to each other, right?

Like, it's good to do.

It's good to leave.

You think he was whistling?

Hey, how you doing?

Hey, how you doing?

But you don't,

the key is, yes, never verbal because it does seem to enter into a thing.

So he said, hey, how you doing?

Lanks then said, I'm going to whoop your ass,

which is not a proper response.

No, it's rude.

You said Daniel told detectives to shut the fuck up.

He did not understand his rights.

And yes, he said, how you doing?

And then he turned around here and he popped the eyeball out of him.

And he has an eye tattoo.

Maybe that's what he was jealous of.

Yeah.

It's like, ah, I should have got that tattoo.

What is that?

New York Yankees?

What is that?

No, it looks like it's...

Flowers.

I think it looks...

Yeah, it looks like.

What's the...

It's like a dandelion plant.

Oh, weird.

Or is it like a cactus?

Oh.

Oh, I wonder if that's his spirit animal.

I think he covered up a teardrop.

Oh, I think he covered up a teardrop.

But that doesn't make sense, though.

Why would you cover up the teardrop?

Isn't the teardrop supposed to let everybody know you killed somebody in prison?

Yeah.

Isn't that what a teardrop is?

I got a teardrop tattoo next to my brown eye for all the dookies I've slain.

It's the poor, the poor tattooer

having to get in there.

It's a guy.

He was able to model it off for his own teardrop.

Whoa.

Because he was crying.

Loly teardrops.

Is that what that song's about?

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, hot tears on Naval Drop.

Lolly teardrops.

That was actually one of the first Motown hits.

Oh, really?

We learned that.

It was written by, what's his name?

It was written by Barry Gordy.

Man, what a great time at the Motown Museum.

Yeah, we went to the Motown Museum.

We had a great weekend.

Detroit's wonderful.

Yeah, we had a fucking awesome time.

What was that?

Hot Sams?

Hot Sams.

I told you all about Hot Sams.

Dude, Henry and I are looking sharp.

Not right now, but like

when we want to dress up again,

we bought some really nice clothes.

I love Hot Sams.

That was a very cool place.

Yeah, that place.

Go to Hot Sams if you're in Detroit.

Go check it out.

Go check it out.

There was one other thing I wanted to remind people of.

Go check out the foreign report

on its own YouTube channel.

So this is the thing we're trying to do here at Lost Podcast Network, which is we're trying to give some of our shows that are not as similar to Last Podcast and the others more of a chance to thrive in the internet space.

So that is requiring us to put them on their own little channels.

Please go and subscribe to the Forum Report on YouTube.

I'll go do that right now.

Good.

Man,

Cina Gaznavi is the smartest person I know.

He is very smart.

Well, him and Marcus, but that's no offense

to either one of you.

But they're smarter.

That's about it.

That's not my job.

Travis is great on there, too.

Travis is great everywhere.

Travis is great everywhere.

But I love the Forum Report because it really does show every side of the news.

It really does.

They're actually an educated, level-headed response to global news.

And it is extremely, it's great.

It's no agenda.

None.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's great.

And he's always done equally.

Well, the best part of it is that the best part is that when you get everybody angry, that's how you know you're right.

When everybody's angry, that's how you know you know you're correct.

So now we have a special guest who's going to join us here in the last podcast in the Left Studios.

A man, an intrepid leader in the UFO space, Captain Ron Janix of Contact in the Desert.

He's going to be here.

We're going to be drawing with him a little bit.

That's right.

Yeah, because we're going to promo and talk about our eventual, like multiple shows.

We're doing in Contact in the Desert.

Multiple shows.

And Ron's been doing it every year, right?

Yeah, for a dozen years.

So we're going to find out all about the backstage shenanigans of Contact and why you should come out and see it because it's going to be be hilarious.

It's going to be amazing.

And we're going to be out there from, I believe, May 30th to June 2nd.

Yay.

I think is the

correct dates.

Yeah, no, we got a whole comedy show, and then we have a last podcast property show.

Yep.

It's going to be where we're going to interview, and we're going to have a good time.

We're better.

We fucking better.

Yeah, man.

I love this shit.

Contact in the desert is such a like crazy.

fun experience.

I love it.

It was last year when we did it.

It was like with the time where I was like, oh my God, this is like, I'm involved in something crazy.

Oh, yes.

So here we go.

Now we will hear from Captain Ron.

Live from North Wade.

All right, ladies and gentlemen, we promised you this.

We have Captain Ron Janix from Contact in the Desert.

Now, this man has experienced too much truth at once.

Now, you've been doing Contact in the Desert for how long?

This is our third year.

But this is your third year, right, of the entire time.

For owning it.

Yes.

Oh, I've been involved in it since like 2015, 16.

I was like a host and

I got to know the old owners and I would host and participate.

And so I've been going there.

It's been my favorite week of the year for about 10 years.

Is there anything else that you do?

Are you a Burning Man guy?

I've never done Burning Man.

Now, I did do, you know, Contact in the Desert used to be like Burning Man.

It was literally physically in the desert.

It was at Joshua Tree State Park.

Cool.

Literally.

And you'd walk from like little hut to little hut to see the different speakers.

It was 120 degrees outside.

Yeah.

Because it's in the desert.

You're literally walking over Cactus.

Literally.

And Joshua Trees.

But was that like, do you have the same crew there then?

Like, because like now you have like George Norrie and George Knapp, like now you're having like the luminaries of.

George Knapp out there.

Yeah.

No.

They've had Nori and those guys have been going the whole time.

They went out to the desert.

Absolutely.

Knapp's the legit, though.

Legit.

Knapp's hardcore.

Oh, I know.

I've seen the documentaries.

You know, he's a man.

Knapp's one of my my favorite guys in the whole field, for sure.

Very cool.

He's a genuine investigator.

We might get invited to his home.

Great.

We're trying to force it.

He's in Vegas.

Have you ever been?

Not to his house, but I've seen him in Vegas.

He's great.

Have you ever done a thing?

I just want to distribute it.

I've done a thing before.

I've never done a thing.

Have you ever done a thing?

Never.

Never.

He hates it.

I'm a novice.

First of all, yeah, I'm going to get that out of there.

I'm not an expert in this field.

I'm very much a student, and I'm having a great time learning.

Then Contact in the Desert really taught me a lot and opened up my eyes last year.

You can digest a lot in those five days that's how it was for me i mean when i first went to that i saw a flyer once and all these names were on it like van danagan oh yeah those guys like i gotta go see this and then it was just like so much thrown at me at once you can really ramp up your knowledge quickly in five days did you did you always were always into ufos like what got you to the all to all this you know i never had an experience i'm not an experiencer or anything like that but i've always had a curiosity to that i always like things that are unknown I like those shows in search of anything that's like that.

I liked Art Bell, if you guys remember Art Bell.

He's my patron saint.

There you go.

Yeah, Marcus, Parker, Carly.

That stuff.

And I kind of fell into a buddy of mine.

He had a podcast about UFOs.

He's like, you're really into this.

Why don't you come on?

And then we did Truth Be Told together for years and years and years.

So I just, and you know, the more you do it, every time you interview somebody, you learn that much more.

Maybe you read their book before they come on or you read stuff about them.

You watch their lectures and it just grows, grows, grows, grows.

Were you a stand-up?

Like, did you do comedy?

Because you're very funny.

Did you do stuff like that?

Like, what were you doing that got you to decide that you wanted to talk about it?

Because a lot of guys get into the material, but they're not microphone or camera ready.

You know, it's just one of those things.

I was a personal assistant for 20 years, you know, working for like celebrities in Hollywood.

So I never really was in front of the camera or any of that.

So you're used to harboring secrets.

Yeah, yeah.

And I'm the behind-the-scenes guy, absolutely.

You know, I was always behind the scenes, but it doesn't bother me.

I'm, I'm, I'm open to either role.

You'd never guess.

I saw you like running stuff last year.

You were like MCing, like, I know.

It's like, oh, there's Nick Pump.

Come on up here.

You bring him on stage.

You make him uncomfortable.

Answer some questions.

I love it.

It was great.

It was like a true, like, oh, no one reminded me of Playboy After Dark.

There we go.

No one has ever said that about Contact One Desert before, that's for sure.

I'm still still not ready to say it, Ron.

But I will follow it up.

I will.

But it's like, yeah, you're just walking around.

You're spoozing with people.

You lean on a table.

Hey, Whitley, how you doing, buddy?

What are you doing up?

You know, I've been doing this now for about 14, 15 years.

I've interviewed all these guys.

I've got to know some of them and become friendly with them.

And we almost feels like to us that Contact in the Desert is sort of like a banquet

for a community.

You know, it's almost like an annual thing that we know we all go there.

We all meet here.

What have you been working on this year?

What have you been doing?

You know, a lot of these guys know each other.

Some of them don't see each other till contact next year.

I feel like there should be a yearbook.

Almost.

Almost.

You know what I mean?

Do you ever do, like, through all of this process, like

there's one side of you, obviously, you run and you're the proprietor of contact in the desert.

So that's one side of you.

On the other side of you, you've been experiencing these people at the center of ufology personally for 15 years.

Where has it taken your beliefs?

Well, I'll tell you what, my whole life, I am right here, man.

I am right in the middle.

I am the middle of all of this.

So I'm very skeptical, but I'm very open-minded.

I am.

A lot of these guys have gone on some of these other shows and they want me to say provocative stuff.

They're like,

what's the craziest thing you'll say?

Sure.

And I'm like, you got the wrong guy.

I'm not that guy.

I mean, people are right in the middle.

Same with us, where it's like, I am one of those.

What I like to view is I'm a cross-the-board agnostic.

Well done.

Well done.

Now, I will say this.

I will say in the 15-year period that we're talking about, I have

moved more towards belief that there's definitely something going on.

I've always thought there's something going on.

Now I really feel, you know what, there's more to this than we see.

Because it's one of those things, you can't have a cursory knowledge of UFOs.

Like if you talk to somebody on the street, oh yeah, I've heard of Roswell, you don't know about UFOs.

When you interview these guys, when you read these books, when you deep dive into this, it's a layered onion, as you know.

So you start getting more and more knowledge in this area.

There's some serious shit going on here.

And, you know, I've had the honor of talking to people like Avi Loeb.

Yes.

You don't get to be at the top of astronomy at Harvard without knowing something.

And he says it's most likely that somebody's going to be coming here.

Why is he saying that?

I give credence to these guys where I think some people dismiss those guys, and that's not right.

Yeah,

well, because a part of me wonders at this point, like, so is there some, what's one piece of evidence or a piece of information would you say that really kind of kicked you over the line?

Okay, I'll tell you right now.

I hate this because it's the cliche, and I answer it the same always, but it is Roswell.

And if you read the Roswell books that Don Schmidt and Tom Kerry have put together, their research is incredible.

And they've interviewed these guys over and over, and they all fit into this perfect narrative.

I mean, the idea that they interview the guy that runs the funeral home in that town, and at that night that Roswell crashed, he got to call at three in the morning and we need caskets.

Bring him out here.

Well, is there a car crash?

Don't worry about it.

Just bring him over.

Well, I mean, that just fits so perfectly into the story.

Who's going to make that up?

Who's going to think of this?

And Art Bell read the deathbed confession of that colonel.

He says, I wrote this for my granddaughter to know that we're not alone in the universe because I saw the bodies and I saw the ship and I saw this, but I didn't want any of the bullshit and I was threatened.

Why would somebody do that?

They wouldn't do that.

No.

So I find that extremely

do it for the money.

You want to get fame.

You want to get a book.

Not that anybody makes any money on this shit, but they think that.

So somebody like that to me, that's compelling to me.

I don't know why people aren't more compelled by some of these things.

John Mack.

You you guys familiar with John Mack?

Yes.

Head of psychiatry at Harvard.

Another guy who went to look at this phenomenon and said, I'm going to explain since he's at the top.

of psychiatry in the world.

He was.

This is another guy that had his career ruined by his interest in UFOs because he was a legit guy.

A legit guy.

That wanted to talk to experiencers.

So why do we talk, why do we take this guy as being at the top of his game and he's this highly respected guy?

And then he sets out to say i'm going to figure out what's wrong with these people it must be another phenomenon yeah and then he looked into it and he said no that's not what it is something really is happening to them so if this guy's the top of his class top in the world of this why don't we then take his answer all of a sudden he's crazy yeah that must be nonsense and he's the professional bullshit detector that's bullshit to me i i i i can't stand that if you guys can't take john mack at his word or avi loeb at his word or these guys then why do we even have academia?

Why do these guys raise to that level?

Exactly.

I actually, I do think that that's really interesting.

And I also wonder in the last 15 years, has anybody, because what I'll get, even on my level, I'll get somebody who's like...

Your level, you mean like

low level?

Yeah.

Yep.

Exactly.

I get people sending me stuff that they're like, what's your, like, don't let anybody know about this.

I have secret information.

You have to look at this thing.

What's like a thing?

Like, how often does that happen to you?

That does occasionally happen to me.

What happens more often to me, see if this ever happens to you guys.

I'll meet somebody I don't know or I'll be wherever and maybe they find out what I do or they ask what I do and I tell them.

And they'll immediately be like, well, no, I don't believe in any of that nonsense.

That's all bullshit.

I swear to God, I've told the story a hundred times.

I swear it's true.

They do that old Colombo routine where they go, no, no, that's.

You know, there's this one time.

Oh, yeah, dude.

I was up late at night.

My dad and I were fishing.

It was dark.

And this thing came across the sky.

Wait a minute.

A minute ago, this was nonsense.

And then you have a personal.

I don't even have that.

Yeah.

They have it.

It's very common that people have an experience.

Oh, yeah.

Or my mom told me a story when I was a little girl.

You know, you hear these things.

It's amazing how prolific that is.

So let me ask you something.

As someone who obviously believes you're the owner, co-owner of Contact in the Desert, you've never had an experience.

Are you like actively looking at the skies or you just go about your duty?

No, I'm not that guy.

I'm somebody that puts credence into what Avi Loeb says, credence into John Mack says.

I think Travis Walton is awesome.

Yeah.

I got to know Travis Walton.

I did a whole special thing on his 45th anniversary.

I brought his brother back in.

I brought the original people in.

We had a big thing.

Pretty freaking believable, man.

I mean, Travis Walton's honestly honestly the thing that switched me at contact last year because it's just like the other guys have no reason to lie.

The other guy, they all told the same story.

And I love that, like, Travis Walton, when he gets out of the car, he's looking at the ship and he's talking shit.

He's yelling at him.

He's throwing shit.

He's fucking screaming.

They kicked his ass.

They brought him up.

And then he comes back without a scratch.

All of this is plausible to me.

All of this makes sense.

Exactly.

Those guys would be like that.

Of course, those guys would take off.

Of course, they'd be scared.

All of it's very plausible to me.

Even Roswell's plausible.

And there's so many of these ancillary things that fit in.

The Travis Walton case, it's also great that there's one incident.

Yes.

I'll tell you another thing for me personally

that I probably shouldn't say because

this will bite me in the ass.

But when you come to me and you're Travis Walton and you say, listen, this one day, this one thing happened to me.

I was out in the woods.

This ship was there.

I got beamed on.

And that was it.

Maybe lightning strikes.

It's these guys i can't stand that that oh you know i've been to mars and i've worked on alien bodies and i've been underground on spaceships and i've been underground on earth with the military working on this and i've operated on alien bodies and i've got implants okay

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Are you ready to get spicy?

These Doritos Golden Sriracha aren't that spicy.

Sriracha sounds pretty spicy to me.

Um, a little spicy, but also tangy and sweet.

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Spicy,

but not too spicy.

Can I ask you, I want to ask your opinion then with stuff, guys like that?

I'm torn because I think that guys like that, obviously they believe the more details they throw into some kind of story, that the more real it sounds.

But I actually also wonder, like, what do you think their other motives are?

Because number one, there is, people always say, oh, money.

They sell book rights.

Let me let me straighten it out for you.

There's not a heck of a lot of money in mythology, especially in the book markets.

And then two, the idea of just, or is it two just for attention?

Like, I do understand people lie for that attention, but I also wonder if there's ever something to

this idea that there is some massive, like we just did the Montauk project.

Yeah.

Preston Nichols.

Sure.

Total, you know, God knows what's going on with this guy.

But on some level, you almost kind of wonder, like, what if something did happen to him and then the u.s government like did some kind of erroneous experiment fucked up his life scrambled his brains and then dropped him back into a long island park and now he's this babbling guy this crazy sounding guy but he actually was a part of something like it could be a natural psychosis it could be you know mk ultra type stuff where they fuck with people which they have done and they've come out and it's proven that they've done these kind of things.

So, you know, I don't like to dismiss anybody's story completely out of hand because, you know, maybe these guys that I'm referring to,

maybe it's genuine.

Maybe that's possible.

I don't lean that it is.

I wouldn't bet a nickel that it is.

I don't think that is.

It feels very disingenuous.

That's a one in a billion chance that something can happen to you.

You've had nine of those happen to you.

Now the math is in the multi-trillions and that's hard.

It's like you, Philip Schneider, you're the special one.

You know what I mean?

Like it's hard and you shot him and you got away and these other guys came and all the ant it's like well no that's why i like travis's case i like these individual case one time with

you know what maybe yeah and it's very plausible and it's not like he was into it beforehand you know like it's right you know that's the none of those guys were they didn't even know about this yeah and so that's what that's what's convincing to me and also it's just you the problem is with all this is if you're gonna take it seriously you do have to listen to everybody, no matter how absurd it sounds.

And you have to investigate.

You have to take it all seriously.

You have to investigate all of it.

And it's very time-consuming because a lot of people come in there with crazy stuff.

Guess what sucks?

Now you add misinformation.

You have misidentification,

which is 95% of the cases.

But then you have misinformation.

Then you have intentional Richard Dodie disinformation.

Now that's really clouding the water.

So it makes it even harder to get to the truth.

I always think that a lot of these things, things, there's 10% truth in it.

You know what I mean?

Oh, yeah.

So, and then when I hear it over and over, I mean, why are these abduction stories throughout history word for word?

If you ever read Communion, there's some great pieces in Communion where Whitley describes, he writes passages that people wrote hundreds of years ago that sound like an alien abduction case from today.

Oh, it's, I completely agree.

So that's credible.

Yes.

Something's been going on.

And I'm a Jacques Valley.

Yeah.

yeah like a student i totally believe there's some kind of either physical slash psychic phenomena that follows our consciousness whatever the hell it is i don't quite know like i i wonder now like do you feel like with stuff like this have you ever felt that like the men in black or anything like the idea of like do you think that the government ever fuck with contact

At Contact in the Desert?

Yeah.

I don't think they fucked with it at all.

But I mean, I've heard from many people, including Nick Pope, that there are DOD officials that have shown up at Contact in the Desert.

And it makes perfect sense to me.

Do you know what I think, you know, what do you guys think of Arrow?

I think that this whole thing got outed and that they have been trying to figure out how to package it in a way that makes sense.

And I also think that Lou Elizondo's influence might have been less than he puts himself into the scenario.

I think they.

Oh, you mean like every single person in ufology?

No.

You guys can edit that right out, no problem.

But anyway, something like Arrow to me, which is garbage, I don't think it's to share the information with us.

It's I want to see what you guys have.

Yeah.

They want to collect everything so that they know what people have.

Well, one of the biggest questions I always always have is, okay,

let's say the U.S.

government is right.

There's no such thing as UFO activity.

Everything they've come on said is correct.

It's like, you know, we're not doing it.

But then why have they put so much time and effort in discrediting all these movements?

Right.

Why are there these $80 million programs that

see here?

If there's nothing to see.

Okay, not only that, adding exactly to what you said, Henry.

So in 2023, they had the Schumer bill, the AIP disclosure bill.

Yeah.

And then in December, they gutted it.

They took all the teeth out of it.

Wait a minute.

If there's nothing to hide here, why do you need to gut this bill?

I have...

Well, they say it's to protect the special cameras, to protect the special ways.

Shit.

There are no Bigfoot living in my apartment.

And if you want to send a bill that says, I'm going to look in your apartment for Bigfoot, go right ahead.

Please.

So if you've got nothing to hide, then why would you not say, come take a look?

Why do we have to take all the teeth out of that?

That alone

is...

suspicious as hell.

It's like they released the Tic Tac footage.

We've seen that, you know, with everything that was going on with the drones last year.

So it's not like the American public hasn't seen footage that is extremely credible from the government.

And what was the response?

No one really cared.

So why are they hiding it?

Well, January 2023, look at we shot all those things out of the sky.

We did all this thing over Michigan.

They shot an object the size of a sedan that no one would claim above Alaska.

And we were all just acting like it didn't happen because they couldn't find.

And then they went to go look for the rubble and they said, oh, it was a snowstorm.

And then I had friends that were actually in Alaska at the time period that were like, sky's clear.

Sky's clear.

They definitely could have went and looked for that shit if they wanted to.

Yeah.

I think things like Arrow and these other things, you know, when we say government, that's too broad of a term.

I do subscribe to the idea.

I think Danny Sheehan's on board with this too, is the idea that, as Dr.

Stephen Grewer says, that this knowledge is held in a black budget, unacknowledged project.

It's not like government employees know this about this.

It's not like when we say the government.

It's private.

Yeah, right so if it

this is held this knowledge is held in a small group throughout history whoever had the best technology won the war it's been that way since the dawn of man 200 000 years ago it's been that way since since the bow and arrow yeah literally previous to that in in 2001 they had the bone that was enough you had a better technology than the other idiot so i think that that's been going so if you have this knowledge why would you share it so i don't think most people in government or even people at Arrow, they do have plausible deniability because they're not going to put the guy that really does know in charge of it.

Yeah, because they're going to put some jackass that doesn't know anything because a lot of times they're not good talkers.

They're not good talkers either.

That's by design.

Yeah.

They're not going to put some guy that really knows the dirty secrets and really has that information and is a great talker.

They're not going to do that.

So, to me,

that's how I feel about it.

Is there anything that's appeared at contact

that

like has truly blown your mind?

Also, for the people that don't know, Daniel Sheehan is a very influential lawyer that was a part of, like, he worked on, I believe, Watergate.

He was a part of the whole Silkwood.

Iran Contra.

He did a lot of fucking stuff.

He worked a lot of different things.

He was very important that has now taken up the mantle of helping whistleblowers and helping people come out with UFO information.

What broke him?

Well, Danny's been privy to some information, which is awesome, that makes him fully believe this.

I got to go see him talk.

And the way he talks about it is just like, I've seen it.

You will see it one day, but I've seen it.

And I was like, show it to me.

He's seen it.

Like, he's been to the Vatican archives, you know?

I mean, he has seen some great things.

Now, here's another credible guy.

Talk about a credible guy.

This guy's record is beyond reproach.

And he's just been fighting for for humanity for years.

I mean, how great to have him in our corner.

I mean, that is as credible as it gets.

It's just very interesting.

And I just wonder if anybody else, because I saw his talk at Contact, which was great.

It was fascinating, talking about all like the maneuverings of like using all these like new whistleblower laws and stuff.

What else at Contact has like blown your mind?

Has anyone ever brought in anything like physical?

Yeah, we had

that guy that goes by the name Alien Hunter.

Yep.

And he brought in all kinds of things that he claims are implants.

I remember.

Stuff like that.

It's like, you know, maybe.

Yeah.

Those are all into the unknowable box.

How would I know?

Yeah.

It might be.

He's collected it over the years.

Maybe.

What about like a skull or something?

Well, no, no, but we do have the crystal skull comes there.

The actual Mitchell Hedge's crystal skull is there, and people get to meet with them and everything.

It's really cool.

Yeah, I got our auras taken.

Last time we had our auras pictures taken.

There's a lot of, like, how do you choose what all ends up there well you know we have a kind of a committee of us we all kind of think about it we go down to gordon's house in mexico and we talk about these things and you know each year there's kind of things that are happening or hot like this year we're doing the telepathy tape lady yeah which is huge yeah that's suddenly the hottest thing in the world you know and it's incredible again

John Hopkins, Harvard, that's where she did her studies.

She's been studying these kids for 15 years.

Yeah.

This is incredible stuff and it's legit.

We really do want to lean into the scientific academic side of this.

Yes.

We really separate ourselves from other events.

Nothing against the other events.

It's just we each have our own lane sort of a thing.

Our lane is really moving.

And even my podcast, Beyond Contact, which is tied to contact,

we want to lean into the academic side of things.

We want to interview Danny Sheehan.

We want to interview historians like Richard Dolan.

Let's find out the actual first document, you know, first-hand witnesses, that kind of thing.

We don't like the speculative stuff.

Yes,

maybe people can talk to cats.

Maybe people have been on Mars.

Maybe all that's true.

Let somebody else handle that.

That's great.

And if I'm wrong on that stuff, awesome.

I'll be, I'd love it.

Yeah.

Let's stick.

We want to stick in the lane over here that's more academic, more scientific, and let's get to what's going on.

And I want to say thank you so much for letting us come and ruin the festival.

Well, it was a great thing up until now.

Now that you guys are part of it,

very exciting.

We were a five-star event.

Now we're at about 0.5.

I've noticed that.

And the only thing that's changed.

The five's still there.

Hey, man, that's the effect.

Yeah.

That's 0.5.

It'd be really sticky.

You know what's funny about that is I was on the first podcast on the left this morning.

I hate these fuckers.

It's really weird that I ended up here.

I hate those fuckers.

And after this, heaven.

Is that it?

So let me ask you, is anyone going to be talking about the drone thing this year?

Because it seemed to go completely unanswered.

The drone thing went away, didn't it?

Awfully quick.

Yeah, and now we're just pretending like nothing.

It was the the only thing anyone was talking about at the beginning of this year.

I know a lot of crazy shit has happened in the news, especially like the Pope died yesterday and stuff.

But

I mean, you're like, come on.

Like, is anyone, like, does anyone have a report?

Does anyone, like, what do we do?

Doesn't it feel like those were military drones?

And doesn't it seem like my

some of them?

Sure.

I think it's most likely something like a military drone that's looking for like a dirty bomb.

That's what they were one theory.

That makes the most sense to me.

We don't want to talk about it.

Don't shoot it down.

Don't worry about it.

Don't worry about it.

Don't worry about it.

Because they don't want to say that out loud, which makes sense.

See, I got a fun one.

We did a live show.

We were just in these.

We did a live show.

And after the live show, I was like saying goodbye to people, like, you know, like at the end.

And a guy pulls me aside and he's like.

I work for the intelligence services, and what we are currently working on, the reason why they're not talking about what the drones were, is that they are a pilot AI-flown

drone squadron.

They are, they're not only non-manned, but there's no humans involved in flying them at all.

Was it interesting meeting Richard Doty personally?

I love the guy.

I love the guy.

No, because I saw the book.

It's like we've been, we followed it for weeks.

Like, we watched all of it.

Like, I was screaming.

I did a whole thing on last stream and the left about nothing to see here.

Like, certainly not a bunch of drones turning into gobbledygook and then zapping other drones out of the sky.

That's not for certain.

Yeah, I mean, it was insane footage across this country, across the world.

There were guys that were running boats and driving out just to film.

Yeah.

Just know we're going to probably do quite a bit of drone talk.

Yeah.

You drone on a lot.

You fucking pig.

I'm fucking.

But that's part of what we're going to.

Don't worry.

We'll handle the drones.

Don't you worry about that.

I don't know.

Drones don't tell.

We don't let any, we don't tell speakers what to say at all, including, shockingly, you gentlemen.

Oh, yes.

Have you?

You gentlemen is being very, very, you know.

I really discussed it.

You were even called.

Did you get any,

what was the response from our show?

Did you get any complaints?

A lot of negative stuff.

A lot of negative stuff.

Yeah, good.

Good.

No, it's all good.

I'm glad you guys got a sense of what contact is because it's one thing to tell somebody.

It's one thing to talk about it.

But like, you know, then you see it.

It's like, I'm converted.

Oh, I get it.

Oh, dude, I'd go.

I would go for free.

I would go dip.

I'd buy it.

Do you not agree to this, though?

Because this is something that frustrates us people have a misconception in their brain that this is tinfoil hat crazy people talking about crazy shit the whole time you know yeah it's certainly not you do a good job because there are there are people obviously it's all layers oh yeah it's like for sure so on one level i was joking about how i came into the lobby of the hotel and there are people that put me to shame for how driven i am about this material right like i'm seeing people oh they live eat and breathe and i'm watching all to this i was like they're taking it so much even more seriously than me.

There's a part of me that I thought we were all going to be getting drunk in the pool.

Like, I thought all y'all going to be in the pool.

And then when they're, when I didn't say, I was like, oh, no, this is actually pretty serious.

And then what was nice is like, yeah, sure.

You got some,

you got all spectrum.

You have the whole spectrum.

It really is.

So there really is those truly, you got the grounded side.

You got your Jeremy Corbel, George Knapp.

Yeah.

And then you have our friend Michael Osadona, who's on the other side.

They would say like you does also crazy stuff because, but it's fun because it's a part of the whole experience.

And I, what we're going to try to do is kind of bridge those two.

Right.

The idea of like, we're, we come knowing what we're talking about, but also we're joking about it because I don't know how else to speak.

Well, and that's fine.

Yeah.

It's entertainment when we're up there.

You know, we are the entertainment.

We're not the, they're not coming to us for expert opinions.

We don't have Dr.

We have Ross Colehart for that.

Oh, but dude.

That's fine.

Let's go.

I want to party with him, though this year this year though i'm getting more of these guys in the pool i was saying that i'm like listen we can have these same discussions in the water in the water it's a hundred degrees in the center of the pool dude let's go works i feel like we should push it there's a part of me that's like last year are you are you saw me you saw my polish body so i got a question about too much of it to be honest i know my gosh i love being in that pool it was a great time now i gotta say i was outside at another event it was very nice you guys had you played et outside for everybody, the families, and all that stuff.

That was great.

That was really nice.

But during the E.T.

showing, there was some crazy crap happening in the sky.

There was a bunch of blue stuff broke up there.

Did you hear about that?

It was all SpaceX, I think.

It was all that.

That's what we guess.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it was awesome.

Talk about

the place watching an animal.

I was freaking out.

I definitely was smoking a J out there and then watching somebody go like, there's something in the sky.

And it was just like, god damn it.

I knew it would happen at contact.

We have those folks that see it every day, as you know, as you mentioned earlier.

You know, it's that whole gamut.

And it's fun.

And it's funny how things do happen at contact.

It's just weird.

Like, even the

Ross Colehart, the first big interview he did with David Grush happened during Contact.

It was the year before you guys came.

We literally stopped the event, all poured into one room, and we all watched the live

press conference together.

And then Danny Sheehan and Richard Dolan went up and speakers were like in the audience asking questions.

Hey, do you think he knows this?

And do you think this?

And why couldn't he say this?

And it was awesome.

That's awesome.

So it's great that things happen there like that.

And we've had people with that

say that CE5 has happened and they've seen things.

It's awesome.

I mean, if it doesn't happen there, where the hell else could it be?

You know, if it requires that energy and that mindset, well, boy, we have it.

Or else you've got to get 2,000 people together thinking about this.

Yeah.

Something happens.

All

Something lands on the golf course.

What's the protocol?

Who do we send?

Like, literally, for

contact.

Everyone.

I was going to say Henry, to be honest, but I mean, I don't know.

Well, I think only the reason why is because I feel like if they're going to destroy me, at least we don't blow George Knapp.

You know what I mean?

Like, if I go and I get immediately zapped by lasers, technically, I've

died how I lived.

Well, I think you may mention it earlier.

We would send Danny Sheehan out there as our guy, right?

Wouldn't that be a good thing?

This is my lawyer.

That would be mean.

Talking to the aliens.

This is my lawyer.

Interdocalactic law.

Talk to my lawyer.

There you go.

There you go.

How do you feel about the jellyfish shapes, UFOs?

Have you been looking about this?

I've seen that.

There's all these.

There's cigar, triangle.

Jellyfish, though, because these guys fight me on jellyfish.

It seems silly.

They don't like jellyfish?

I utterly believe it.

Maybe because

they're describing that shape.

It's not.

a jellyfish.

Yeah, I know it's not a jellyfish.

Well, Henry.

I know.

Henry thinks it's a jellyfish.

No, it's not a jellyfish.

It's just jellyfish shape.

It's like it's a shit.

I know it's like jellyfish debris hanging.

There's some shape hanging off of it.

What is that?

Yes.

And it doesn't move.

The debris doesn't move.

The debris is stiff.

You keep saying it's balloons.

It's not balloons.

It's a jellyfish UFO.

I just, I say that it looks ridiculous more than I say it's balloons.

Whatever, dude.

How could they?

Everybody always says balloons.

I know.

Are there that many balloons flying around here?

I also like, no one really watches UFO footage the way I watch it.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Like, kind of like how do you

everyone watches it the way you watch it in the middle of the night in their underwear stoned out of their mind.

Do you not do that?

Is that not how you research Captain Lee?

That is not how I do it.

But that's it's interesting.

It's how the information slides in.

But then you talk to some of these guys, even like Mark D'Antonio, who's an astronomer that comes that we love.

He takes a bus out into the desert and they look at do a sky watch and it's awesome.

Oh yeah.

That's another great, great aspect of contact.

But you know, he will explain to you and then you'll be like, oh, it's not a UFO.

I think 99% of the footage we see is not an alien-controlled craft at all.

Here, show him this one.

Yeah, so I found this one.

This one is like, so I'm always on the search because we do the show together, and I've always want to find something for Henry.

And I was sitting there, I got some shows coming up in South Florida.

And so I'm like, literally looking at the newspapers, who's writing articles about comedy, trying to get in the promo of my show.

So I find this one guy.

His name, he goes by lacrosse writer.

His name is david osborne uh did not respond to my request to put me in the naples news but

he on the front of his page which is a private page so i can't show it up there but i uh made him be my friend has this footage that just looks

I can't explain this footage.

And here's what he wrote.

This is the first video I shot after seeing something odd in the sky at 4 p.m.

This is a guy not connected at all.

You know, he's like literally an entertainment writer.

He's just a reporter.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Whether it's a UFO or UFP, uh, the object was quiet and moved slowly, changing shapes.

Here, you can see it morphing into a geometric sphere before moving to the left, southeast behind the tree.

There was a little to no wind that day with temperatures in the low 70s.

All right, so here it is.

Here's the footage.

Well, morphing shape right there.

That's an odd behavior for

anything else.

Okay, yes, take a look.

Yeah, so let's look at this.

So, like, what's different between this?

So, like, I find this interesting.

How is this it's awfully slow, right?

For well 12 likes.

I like that no one has really seen it or like knows about it.

There's no reason for anyone to look at it.

And this guy's like risking his career for not for likes, just for like, this is what I saw in my backyard.

I guess it could be a deflated balloon.

But I don't like would not afflated the debate.

Like, why is it like in the sky like that?

And it is rotating.

You can see that it's rotating.

Whoa, yeah.

Do you know, there's a guy in Mexico today.

It's on Coast to Coast AM.

There's a photo today of a guy who took a picture that's similar to this.

Well, dude, well, how did you feel about that Jetpack Man?

Jetpack balloon.

Jetpack Man in LAX, he came back like a year later and then like a year and a half later.

Jetpack Man is strange too, because Jetpack Man is in the same realm.

It's in the same realm as jellyfish.

And it's also like they're saying that there's no commercially available jetpack that is able to fly at that height and for that length of time.

I agree, but I don't jump to alien.

That's a problem a lot of people do.

I don't jump to alien on any of these things.

Yeah.

You're talking about this, there is a good new picture.

Yeah,

click on that link right there.

This one story.

This one.

Yes.

That's an interesting photo, isn't it?

This was from Plano Informatavo, Informativo, Plano

Informa on Twitter.

And yeah, man, that is a pretty thick-looking UFO.

And it looks like a goddamn hubcap.

Like a classic UFO flying saucer.

And those are my favorite.

Those are great.

Saucer shapes are my favorite because it's still, it harkens back.

But now we have the problem.

AI is out there.

We just went to NAB in Vegas.

The technology is so sick.

When you're editing now, the programs automatically have this built in.

While you're editing, if you shoot this room and you get here and you're like, oh, it will add 10 seconds for you.

It will

what it thinks is there.

Oh, God.

It's sick.

So it's getting harder and harder to trust photos or videos.

That's why you like these multi-witness cases.

If we had Phoenix lights happen today and we did the drones.

Well, kind of,

but the Phoenix lights, there were thousands of people at the same time saw the same object.

And that drones were all over the place.

And the Phoenix lights was such a display.

Right.

That it was definitely felt like a thing of, look at us.

We are here.

That's how it felt.

But not everybody had a

phone or a camera in their pocket like they do today.

So if we had that now, I think it was 90s, wasn't it?

Yeah,

yeah.

I'm an idiot.

But even then, we didn't have...

phones in our pocket with cameras on them like we do now.

If that happened, that exact same event happened today, now you would have this same object from literally a thousand different perspectives and all this eyewitness testimony.

Now you got something to build a case on.

Now, that doesn't mean it's alien again.

Why couldn't this be a secret military project?

Why couldn't this be something else?

But.

Would be a lot more interesting, wouldn't it?

Oh, very much so.

Because I also find that I found that when you look at that footage, I do believe it was part of one giant structure.

But, you know, we have a lot of people that, you know, the Fife Symington, the governor of Arizona, he came out and he apologized.

He believed that he did see something that night.

He freaked out after he kind of belittled the whole thing.

Phoenix Lights is one of, still one of the most mysterious events in our history.

It's a great one.

And even in 1998, which is only 27 years ago, do you know that it was a different time already for this subject?

That's why he felt he had to make a joke about it.

It doesn't feel like somebody would do that today.

A governor probably wouldn't do that today.

We're more scared now, too.

We didn't see that when the drones came out.

They didn't go, oh, hey, it's an alien.

They didn't.

No, they did.

They either talked about it very non-very in like blankly.

Don't worry about it.

Yes.

Or

then the rest of us spun.

And some of these senators were like, oh my God, it's coming from a mothership.

Like they went the other way.

Yeah, well, then you wonder, what are they getting out of it too?

Everybody's getting something out of it.

I do believe, on one hand, there's also an evangelical far-right arm in our government that's really excited for things like something that could be an alien invasion, or literally,

they believe that some of the telltale signs that Jesus is coming back is stuff like China will invade America.

And to them, that's a good sign because it means we're all going to die.

All the sinners are going to die.

And Jesus is going to come back.

And so that's the problem.

Is that also kind of, there's this other thing where half of our intelligence services have been taken over by literal, the most fantastical evangelical thinking.

And they're trying to pop the seals

to end the world.

And you hear part of that supposedly being part of the, what they call the legacy people in government that know this information, that they're affiliated with this and oftentimes they're coming from that angle.

You got a guy like Chris Bledsoe who ties that into religion as well.

But he's different.

That's kind of like a

personal relationship to God and how it was reflected by this phenomenon.

These other guys are trying trying to make it happen.

Right.

They're forcing it into that paradigm.

Absolutely.

But I don't know if the thing itself is going to be pulled into that paradigm itself.

I find that the more they talk to whatever this trickster phenomena is, or we deal with whatever this trickster phenomena is, it does not like to be used for other people's purposes.

And I think that's a part of it.

And it won't allow us.

And that goes way back, back to the djinn even.

You know, we talk about that.

All these different beings that people saw.

It's interesting how similar it is over time that that adds credibility to it in my view yeah do you think harry reed knew more than he was uh for sure yeah because

he's the guy that put the money into that program the program yeah because i know he worked with it and he was always trying to find out what was going on but at the same time again i don't think he was always interested why would he keep it secret because i think these guys are in

Let's call it mainstream government, the real government, the regular government.

You know, I do believe it's very, very possible.

I'm not at all a conspiracy theorist, but I do think it is possible that we would have black budget programs.

Oh, we definitely do.

We definitely do.

Absolutely.

So I would think that something that is super technology, that is alien in nature,

right into that program.

So a guy like Harry Reid, even as prominent as he was, They say that they don't tell the presidents about UFOs because this is a topic that's on a need-to-know basis and they don't need to know.

And they're a short-term four-year employee.

They're out.

Yeah, you're out.

These legacy guys literally are there their whole life.

Their kids come up in it and they're sworn to secrecy and it's like a, you know,

closely guarded thing.

And that's what we're doing with the podcast industry.

And I want to say that we're brave for that.

So, guys, this time we did it.

This is awesome.

Thank you so much, Captain Ron.

Dude, appreciate it.

So where do you, your show?

What I want to know is how do you unfunny people do a comedy show?

Oh, I mean, it's a disaster every time.

Okay.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm only funny when I'm on the clock.

It's an intentional train wreck.

Is that your angle?

The goal is to work your way up from a ditch.

Got it.

24-7.

Half of comedy is lying to your audience.

Most of them is telling them things that have never been true in another B-trip.

Captain Ron, beyond Contacts Your Podcast.

Yes, sir.

Just coast to coast.

Anything else you want to promo?

Before just buy tickets for Contact in the Desert and see all of us.

Yes.

May 29th to June 2nd.

We're going to be out there at the Renaissance.

It's going to be a friggin blast.

And I'm hosting my own talks in the pool.

Yes.

I want other L.

Ron Hubbard-shaped men with me in the pool.

Bring your sunscreen.

Yes.

It's going to be 110 degrees outside.

I just got to slather up.

Yeah, you got to.

We did not even put that on the schedule intentionally, but it's an informal.

Oh, no.

I'm just going to hosting the belly flop conference.

You're just going to see me floating in the water, and

that's where you'll find me.

I'm going to see Nick Pope do the limbo.

Well, you guys are doing your podcast live there.

We've got like, Jesse Michaels is doing it there.

Everybody's doing it.

It's a great, it's a great guy.

And Ross Coolhart, who I love.

Yeah.

Ross is awesome.

Josh Gates is going to be there, which is amazing.

He's great, too.

Amazing.

And then.

you know, these guys are going to do the podcast live.

We have five world premiere movies that have never been seen before

on this topic.

So there's all kinds of stuff happening.

But if people go to contactinthesert.com, they could find out about me.

They could find out about Beyond Contact, our podcast.

We cover all of these topics and uh it's a lot of fun on there and contact's awesome too obviously it's a lot of fun it's just the best so we'll see you in the desert live from northway

so first of all i just want to say thank you to run janix he looked nothing like kurt russell he doesn't but it's good to still see him it's good it's good to still see him he's strong um but for the you motherfuckers we got the finally happened henry got the fucking bitch All the news happened that needed to happen on the day that it happened.

Lori Vallo Daybell is guilty.

That side stories is number one.

The side story curse is broken today.

We broke it.

We got all the news.

I can't fucking believe all the news came out today.

This is amazing.

I am going to nut.

Oh, this is fucking awesome.

No, yeah, yeah.

Fuck that bitch.

Until Alec Baldwin dies this evening.

Yeah, exactly.

Shut off there and be like, and stop.

Trump gets shot in the head.

Fuck.

Well,

fire up the mics.

Lori Vallo, guilty.

Bye.

Conspiracy.

Yep, because she's fully guilty.

What was it?

And she's not sentenced yet.

The sentencing is still to come, correct?

Yes, yeah.

She just did her polite little smile.

Worst lawyer ever.

Yeah.

So Lori Vallo, Lori Valdez.

Oh, you Screw.

Fuck you, bitch.

You suck.

And we will see you at the next trial.

She has another trial coming.

She has another trial for what?

I believe this one's for Tammy.

Oh, because she's definitely involved.

Well, she definitely might have helped orchestrate it.

I'm not certain, but we will get there.

They are going in levels of importance.

So I think that's whatever's the next one.

She's the farthest from.

I have to remember.

I forgot what the next trial is.

Go to patreon.com/slash last podcast on the left to pay money to scream, watch a scream.

And go to at LP on the left and all of our various socials to look at that shit.

Come and see us.

See us live on stream every Tuesday, 6 p.m.

PSD through the Patreon.

It goes right to YouTube a couple days later, and it's so much fun.

And go to twitch.tv slash LPNTV to watch all of our Twitch streams this week.

I don't know.

We don't got a hoopagoo or a good put this week, right?

I think the Twitch streams are kind of like taking a little break.

We're working on, yes, we might, the streams are taking a break and then we are reconfiguring how they are are going to come out.

But don't worry, they're coming back.

There's lots of plans.

There's lots of cool stuff happening.

Plans within plans.

We're letting Holden help

make decisions.

He's been doing good.

He really has.

He's really doing good.

It's very cool.

Just feet to the fire.

Hey, Invasive Species, Ed Larson tours, Florida.

I'm coming.

Are you ready?

Naples, Off the Hook Comedy Club, May 6th.

You got to come.

It's a Tuesday.

What the fuck else are you doing in Naples on a Tuesday?

All right.

I'm Fort Myers.

I'm talking to you.

Marco Island, get your ass.

All right.

Sarasota, it's a drive, but if you want to come, I'll say hi.

I like Sarasota.

Yeah, I know, but it's just far from Naples.

But they're on the west side.

Maybe they want to come down.

Bradenton, who knows?

Bradenton.

Yeah.

And then May 7th, Henry and I are doing side stories live.

Yep.

From the Fort Lauderdale Improv.

Come and check that out.

Jackie Zabrowski is going to be joining us now.

We're going to be going ape shit.

It's going to to be a lot of fun.

These side story shows have been off the fucking chain, dude.

Yeah, dog.

I've been having so much fun with these.

And then the very next night, on May 8th, we're going up to Orlando.

We got two shows.

The first one's already sold out.

So get tickets to the late show at the Orlando Funny Bone.

That's going to be Henry, myself, and Jackie Zabrowski, of course.

And then I'm going down to Key West.

He's going to drink himself to death with all them, was it?

Nine-toed cats?

Six-toed cats, asshole.

Now I'm going to be down there from May 9th to the 11th.

And I want to give a little thank you to We've Got the Keys for helping me promote the show.

They've been promoting it for me, and it's very cool.

They're very cool guys.

They produce lots of QS stuff, including Fantasy Fest.

So check them out on socials.

On

June 28th, Henry, Marcus, myself, we're going to meet the Coca-Cola Roxy in Atlanta, Georgia.

The following night, Henry and I got two side story shows.

Once again, back-to-back.

Dad's Garage.

First show, guess what sold out

you

so make sure you come to the late show those are going to be completely improv usually we at least like think of the subjects ahead of time these shows we're going to a proper improv theater and so we're going to do we're making them up we're making them up you're gonna like it because it's gonna be fun suggestions you

we are definitely going to rely on the audience for suggestions and but we'll see we have a couple of little i have some tricks up my sleeve of course, of course.

And then, of course, all the way in November, on November 3rd, crimewave at sea.com slash last.

Go and get on the ship, baby.

Yeah.

All right, we're going to have fun.

We got shows.

We got meet and greets.

Oh, wow.

We only got like four tickets left to the late night show.

Oh, really?

Dad's Grush.

That's

good.

So go get, go get those tickets.

Yeah, come on.

We're going to have fun.

We're going to have a blast.

And literally, we have no idea what we're going to say.

So it'll be fun.

And then, of course, come hang out with us in Captain Ron, a contact in the desert, May 29th.

He's a good hang.

Through June 2nd.

Yeah, very cool guy.

Yeah, we're going to get drunk.

Yeah, so come on out.

That's at the Renaissance all the way.

Come on.

We're going to spark it, spark it.

I'm going to bring my good shit from home.

Yeah, baby.

We're going to get, heo, we're going to be out there, dog, and I'm going to be in the pool.

So come and check it out.

And Crime Wave at Sea, both places.

We're going to be wet.

Physically wet.

All right.

You love it, guys.

We'll talk to you next week.

Yeah, because I got to take a shit.

Yeah, you're going to take your shit, man.

It's fine.

Y'all see.

Hill Ron Janics.

And live your everyday knowing for a fact you just gotta work up to the point that you take a shit and then you need to take a shit and then you can love the fact that your body tells you when work is over and then you're gonna laugh uh the entire time you're taking the shit because you know for a fact that you've completed your work for the day.

Pooh poo train, poo-poo.

Chung chick chigga chiga chiga chiga chiga chiga chicka fart fart.

When you fill up a 76, you're ready to go to that music festival you see posted about each year but have never been to.

And you're ready to go

to a sunrise yoga class before work.

And go

dog sitting and try to get the zoomies under control.

Know who wants to go?

Go here, go there, go anywhere with 76.

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