Side Stories: Amouranth Home Invasion

Roundup Dual Action Products rock like a hardcore metal band.

This stuff kills existing weeds down to the root,

and for an encore, keeps them from coming back for up to four months.

That's a nonstop 16-week tour of killing and preventing weeds

in all the famous outdoor venues, the patio, the driveway, the mulch bed,

even along the fence.

When it comes to your hardscapes and landscapes, the stuff puts on a show.

Roundup Dual Action Products kill and prevent weeds for up to four months. This stuff rocks.
This stuff works. When used as directed, always read and follow pesticide label directions.
What if you could turn your curiosity for true crime into a degree? At Southern New Hampshire University, you can. Southern New Hampshire University offers over 200 degrees you can earn completely online, including subjects like forensic psychology, criminology, and crime analysis.
And with low online tuition, Southern New Hampshire University makes earning your degree affordable, flexible, and achievable. Find your degree at snhu.edu slash last podcast.
That's snhu.edu slash last podcast. whenever an alligator on meth eats an old person.
It can happen anywhere. As a famous Floridian baby, I feel your pain.
So that's why I'm coming home to let you know it's okay to be who you are. It's okay that the rest of America is scared of us.
It's okay that books are illegal in our schools. It's okay whenever it gets cold, it rains iguanas.
I'm here to support you. So come on out March.
I'll be in North Florida. And in May, I'll be in South Florida and Orlando.
It's the invasive species tour. Ed Larson, me, is coming to Florida in March and May.
I'm coming to Jacksonville, Panama City, Tallahassee, Marco Island, Dania Beach, Orlando, and Key West.

So lock up your public subs and start singing the Miami Dolphins fight song

because we're going to party like it's Florida, baby.

Tickets at eddytunes.com.

There's no place to escape to.

This is the last.

On the left.

Side stories?

That's when the cannibalism started.

Side stories.

Yes.

Side stories.

Breaking news.

We are here.

In the middle of the afternoon, maybe, if you don't have a job. We are here with our anchor, Marcus Perks.
Hey, side stories, breaking news. How's everybody doing today? How are the two of you doing today? Fuck you! Okay.
I'm good. I'm fine.
I'm fine.

So the reason why I'm coming on the show today, I wanted to give you guys some news.

We did sign a new contract with Sirius XM.

And I'm just going to tell you right now, if you don't want anything to change, you the listener,

if you don't want anything to change about your experience about last podcast on the left, it don't got to change at all. And that's the good news.
That's really nice. So rare does someone say, if you don't want something to change, do nothing.
Do nothing. Do nothing.
It's really nice to have that. But if you do want a little bit of a change from now on, if you get a Stitcher plus premium subscription,

you can get the episode a week early. For example, if you want to listen to both Chad Daybell,

Lori Vallow, Part 4, and our annual March Madness of Serial Killers this Friday,

you can do that.

But if you want to just wait until next week

when the March Madness of Serial Killers is going to come out anyway for free on the feed,

then you can wait for that. So it's absolutely 100% totally up to you.
You know, it doesn't change anything about side stories. Side stories is the same.
Yeah. Side stories is the same.
All the other shows in the network. Brighter sides staying the same.
Oh, yeah. We can't change.
We don't know how to. They aren't allowed.
They aren't allowed to change. But no, nothing else changes for you.
It just so happens if you have a Stitcher Premium account, you will get the new last podcast on the left main show a quote week early. But still, it is an evergreen show.
So you're just going to get the same show the next week. But that's what's really incredible about capitalism, isn't it, boys? You get the choice.
Yeah, you get the choice. So if you sign up for Stitcher Premium this week, you'll get two episodes on Friday.
And if not, your life doesn't change one bit. Yes.
The Patreon doesn't change. Nothing else changes.
Exactly. And, you know, the reason why we're doing this is because here at Last Podcast on the left, you know, here at the Last Podcast Network, we got a lot of big dreams.
We've got a lot of big plans and we got a lot of people who work here. Like there are what, 15 employees now full-time here at Last Podcast Network.
And the talent as well, like that pops it up to about 30. And all of our employees, our full-time employees, they all have health insurance.
We make sure they have good health insurance. We make sure that these people are taken care of and we want to make sure that we keep our creatives happy.
And we want to make sure that we pay our creatives and we pay the people that actually do the shows here on the network. And this is how it's done.
So if, again, if you don't want anything to change, it don't got to change. And please.
If you could just do one thread on the subreddit. Just put in one post and you just put them all there.
You could put all the complaints there and people be upset for a little while, but just know it's gonna pass. And you know what? I'll read it.
Yeah. He'll read it.
He'll read it. I'll read it.
And I'll sit there like a dog that just ate a newspaper and I'll just sit there and I'll be bad boy. Yep.
I'm bad. I'm a bad boy.
But no, this is also so that we can continue to work at the highest level possible, which is what we promise to do. If there's one thing that we have shown in the years of us doing this show is that we fucking put our money where our mouth is.
The show is just gonna get better. This is what we do.
We're working extremely hard. And not just that.
If you do nothing and you keep your life exactly the same and keep listening to our show just the way you listen to it, there's going to be an extra free show in a little while for you as well. Yes.
The show that we were asked to do last year. Asked.
That's a good term for it. Last update on the left.
We're going to be releasing that now for free for everybody on the main feed starting here in a couple of weeks. Yep.
So that's, again, nothing changes for you and you're going to get a new show coming out every week. I think there's, how many, we record 40 episodes of last update? And we also, who knows? We have other shows that we were trying to work out other new shows, bigger streaming shows.
We have a bunch of stuff in the kitty that we want to get done. And this is how we're going to get it done.
I'm putting out a sex tape, but it's by myself. Oh, okay.
Yeah. And I filmed it in the bathroom It won't work We call that an illegal masturbation video That's evidence Yes, yeah, yeah And we'll get to a story like that on Side Stories shortly We will, you'll see And speaking of working hard and working our asses off I gotta go finish this Chad Daybell and Lori Vallow part four script so we can get this shit out and

recorded before we go to Nashville this

weekend. So we'll see y'all in Nashville

and thank y'all so much for listening.

Thank you so much for being fans of Last Podcast

and Left. Thank you so much for being

with us for so long. This is the

15 year anniversary of Last Podcast

Network this year. So thank you guys

so much for being with us through all

these changes, all these different things that we've been doing and we promise to keep doing it for a really long fucking time because I'm having a fucking blast. Yeah, we are.
And we're going, we're going get you. It's easy to remember when the anniversary is because I had my hernia surgery right afterwards.
I know. Yeah.
So it's over 15 years since I plugged that back out of my balls. Okay.
Goodbye goodbye everybody. Have a good show, boys.
Goodbye. Welcome to Side Stories.
My name is Henry Zabrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson and what an amazing announcement that was.
Oh my god. And we are just so good at it.
We're so good at messaging and we're so good at being true man. Just business guys.
Yeah yeah how many more rings are you going to be able to buy with the new contract like anal rings cock rings i don't buy rings i'm not into the rings i think that rings are for people that either professional guitarists you ever notice that with like the cowboy hat where the flaps come up the side i I hate it. Oh, I hate it.
I don't like it. What is it? The Bret Michaels.
Yes. The Bret Michaels.
That comes with rings, I believe. It's the rings.
It's something about, like, I feel like if you play piano professionally or guitar professionally, that makes sense. Well, if you play piano or guitar professionally, won't the rings get in the way? I don't know.
I think about that all the time. But then you look at rock star guys and they always have crazy rings

and crazy bracelets

and they're always playing through it.

And I guess they're just so used to playing

and they're so used to people

looking at their hands

that they want the hands to look fancy.

To be sexy, yeah.

But I just don't understand

because no, we're looking at the fingers

playing the guitar.

We don't care about the rings,

but these guys like rings.

Jimi Hendrix, is it really

like the biggest problem?

You know who is?

Well, he doesn't count.

He doesn't count. He doesn't count.

And Prince never did. You know who honestly

is the bad one is? Who?

It's Slash. Yeah, he's got lots

of rings. If you look at Slash, he's got

full-on crushed Pepsi cans around his

fingers at all times. And I do know that he

I mean, he's allowed at Slash.

He can do whatever the hell he wants. I saw him

at Disney World once. Really?

Was he playing the Mad Hatter? No. That would have cost a tremendous amount of money.
No, I think that he was there with this family, and he had a bigger beer belly than I thought he did, and I was proud of him. Of course he's got a beer belly.
He's been doing it for so long. All right.
I love you, Flash. Flash.
Come on, I love him. I love Flash.
I just like that he's brave enough to have a dad bod. Now, we have a couple of updates.
Now, one of the things that happens here on Side Stories often is we've talked about the Side Stories effect, which is we talk about a news story and either some massive update about it comes out the day after we record every single time. Now, last week, Eddie and I were very interested in the mysterious circumstances of Gene Hackman's death.
Yes. It seemed kind of fishy.
One of the dogs had died in the kennel in the closet. They found that Gene Hackman was, he was also dead, surrounded by pills.
And again, very mysterious. She was surrounded by pills, not him.
Either way, it was mysterious. It was very mysterious.
And it seemed interesting. And it seemed like it might have been murder, but actually it was so weird, it was just sad.
It was crushingly sad. The actual, what happened is what's going to happen to all of us.
If we're lucky. So Betsy Arakawa, I guess somehow she got bit by a rodent or interacted with a rodent.
Hunter's disease. They got Hunter disease.
You know, so you don't necessarily. A Hunter virus.
You basically, it can be airborne. Basically, it's from rodent droppings or excess urine.
And so, even if you go into a room where mice have been pissing and shitting for months, and you breathe it in too much, I don't know if that's exactly how it happened. That's interesting.
Or if you clean it up, you can get this Huta's disease, which I had never heard of, so I was interested about it. And I went and looked into it.
Apparently, if you're cleaning up lots of rat piss and rat shit, use gloves. Oh, and have a ventilator.
And wear a mask. Yeah, have a straight on ventilator.
And they said the house was clean, but they had lots of other sheds on the property. It was a big property.
And so she definitely got it somehow. It's very rare.
Yes. Only 136 people have died of this in the last 100 years in New Mexico.
That's fucking crazy. It's very crazy that it happened to her, especially because they're not hoarders.
No. Like they said the house was

looking fine. Yes.
And so

it's just like a crazy thing.

But her, so basically

everything, we don't know exactly when she

died, but it seems like... At least a week

before Gene Hackman died. Well,

all of her communication

stopped on February 11th.

So like her last emails, her last

phone calls were February 11th. So they say

that might have been the day she died, but she was

also driving around February 11th

Thank you. stopped on February 11th.
So like her last emails, her last phone calls were February 11th. So they say that might have been the day she died, but she was also driving around February 11th.
She went to a couple stores. She might have been sick for a couple days and just away from her phone.
We don't know. They said that she was in CVS looking for medication.
She was wearing a mask that day of her death. Or maybe her death.
Probably her death. Probably.
And she was vis visibly sick and then they knew something was going on the next day when she did not pick up the her dog's prescription food which is we're all none of them oh my god this this food the dog food's getting more expensive as it is you don't add ativan to it no i my my my you should see the mountain of different foods I have for have. I have to change their food every meal.
No, I know. It's crazy.
You are like a White House chef for your two dogs. But then it seems like that.
So she died of this Hantavirus. Yeah.
And the pills next to her were just her thyroid medicine. It's nothing you can really overdose on.
So they were able to rule that out because it looked like a murder-suicide kind of. That's what we thought.
We thought it was interesting and almost cool. No, but it's just sad.
It was super sad. So then Gene Hackman just putzed around the house and finally succumbed to his Alzheimer's and heart disease while inside the house.
A week later. Yeah.
So he just kind of puttered back and forth. So he probably found her dead and experienced that a couple times.
So like 50 last dates? Yeah. That is so hard.
You don't like that, Rob? Rob didn't like that joke. No one liked that.
No one likes it. Everyone's upset with that.
Yeah, even I didn't laugh. I laugh at most things.
Yeah, yeah. People don don't like that but it's because the reason why i think we should laugh now i'm laughing about how upset it is yeah i think it's important to laugh because you know the reason why people that we dislike do what they do especially right now all of the weird despots and people that are fans of despots and people that want to be fascists and all this stuff.
Do you understand that what they're fighting with all of their money and power and all these things that they're trying to build is exactly what happened to Gene Hackman? It's exactly going to happen to all of us, which is that we all succumb to time, disease, and just being mortal.

Yeah.

And if you're lucky enough, you could do it at 95 in a giant mansion in New Mexico.

You can.

Yeah.

Beautiful house.

I'll tell you what. But Elon Musk, these guys, they are fighting this.

It's the feeling of dying like that that they don't understand is so essentially a part

of your experience as a human being.

And they are so afraid of it. They're so afraid.
That's why they do everything that they do to control reality. Because on some level, I think some of these billionaires believe that they can control the flow of life itself and that everyone else is subject to these rules of mortality but them.
Yeah. But, you know, they'll all die.
Yep. And I'll tell you what, you know, Gene Hackman, great life, phenomenal actor.
I think, honestly, it's a sad way to go out. I feel much worse for his wife because she was going to be around for a long time.
But she got this random ass virus. You know, I'm glad that I don't have to rescind my hail Gene Hackman.
Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because there's like a second there where like, hopefully he didn't fucking kill her.
Because I mean, can you imagine Gene Hackman, 95 with Alzheimer's, doing the Crimson Tide, like that monologue at you? You shut the fuck up! You know what I mean? Like, he's doing that monologue at you, man. That That's gotta be scary.
I would not want to deal with that. That would be my last memory of my famous husband, Gene Hackman.
I guess the update is it's over. It's all done.
Time is a steamroller that stops for no one. We get to keep loving Gene Hackman and his wife.
That's good. That's the best thing that they did for us.
That's the best part of it. He was a great man.
He was, I think, it seems like he was at least a fine man. But a fantastic actor.
I loved his political views. I love a liberal who fights.
Yeah, we need him. We need some mean liberals.
I think that's really cool. I always love that.
And, you know, go watch Mississippi Burning. I think it's very appropriate for right now.
Also, I find it funny we did talk about this. Did we talk about that we realized accidentally that Hoosiers is about rooting against the integrated team? Yes.
That's funny. Indiana.
Life catches up to you fast. Yeah.
Right from your grave. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace.
Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid all in one place. Seems amazing, right? It's because it is.
From consultations to events and experiences, showcase your offerings with a customizable website designed to attract clients and grow your business, which is good because let's just say I need it. You know, as you may or may not know, I lost HorsePix.com in a very, very public and embarrassing auction to a young man by the name of Charlie Bucket, who has decided to take my horsepix and drive it towards the right.
Some of the incendiary horsepicks that I've seen, including Steve Bannon on a Clydesdale, one of the worst I saw was Ivanka Trump inside of a mare. And I know that this is not the direction that I saw horsepicks.com.
And that little boy, I didn't know that he'd become a full-fledged Nazi and grow his hair into broccoli shapes and do all sorts of things I don't understand, which is why I've started emupaintings.com. Thank you, Squarespace, because emupaintings.com are really, it's an exceptional way for me to get you paintings of emus in various positions that emus would normally be.
And in a way, I find it both amusing and inspiring to see what emus can do using the painter's brush and imagination. And if it wasn't for Squarespace, I would be absolutely effed to the gills.
That's the term for being absolutely S out of luck. So Squarespace, thank you for streamlining your workflow with built-in tools because I would not have been able to get this website up fast enough due to the legal fees I've received and the personal heartache and my own health deteriorating.
I just want to say thank you, Squarespace, for all your help. And emupaintings.com is going to be just as good and just as funny and relevant.
I promise. Head to squarespace.com slash left for a free trial.
When you're ready to launch, use offer code left to save 10% off your

first purchase of a website or domain. Man, I finally have a backyard for the first time since I was a child.
I have a backyard and I'm looking at this yard. I got Rambo and Tootsie.
They're walking around. But the thing is, it's all grass.
there's no trees for my dog to pee on and even worse my neighbors bunch of kids so many there's so many kids over there I don't even know what they're doing over there but they got a bunch of kids over there the other day I'm walking around my backyard with Rambo and Tootsie I got no shirt on I think there's a little kid sitting there peeking their head over and they're just seeing me walking around with my chest out. It looks horrible.
Kids don't deserve that. So you know what I did? I went to fast growing trees.
That's right. I went to fast growing trees and I picked up some Taylor juniper trees to block the window from their kitchen into my backyard so I can walk around

with no shirt or no pants worry-free. That's right.
I can do whatever I want in my backyard because these Taylor Juniper trees block their view and they have no idea how big my breasts are anymore. So thank you, fastgrrowingTrees.com, for turning my backyard into the sanctuary I always wanted.
So this spring, they have the best deals for your yard, up to half off on select plants and other deals. And listeners to our show get 15% off their first purchase when using the code LEFT at checkout.
That's an additional 15% off at FastGrowingTrees.com using the code LEFT at checkout. FastGrowingTrees.com, code LEFT.
Now's the perfect time to plant. Use LEFT to save today.
Offer is valid for a limited time. Terms and conditions may apply.
It's almost spring. Get this stuff in the ground because you plant it in summer.
It's not going to grow. It's going to die.
All right? So do it now. Fastgrowingtrees.com.
Do you plan your vacation locations based on the local language? With Babel, language no longer has to be the barrier. Yes, I can see German now without flipping out.
I can see Spanish without me wondering where I am in a carousel of delusion and neglect. See, Babbel's quick 10-minute lessons, handcrafted by over 200 language experts, get you to begin speaking your new language in three weeks or whatever pace you choose.
I want it now! Babbel's tips and tools are inspired by the real-life stuff you actually need when communicating. Like, how do I get out of this tube? Where is the bathroom? Where is the bathroom inside of this tube? Are you the man that's going to get me out of this tube? Are you the woman that's going to get me out of this tube? It's so important to know how to say that in so many different languages because one of the things that you find when you travel in different countries, they delineate what are construction sites differently.
And it's always different. You never know.
Sometimes you think it's, oh, wow, what a cool speakeasy. Oh, no, I'm in a cement mixer.
That's what Babbel's going to clear up for you. All right.
Learn to read in many languages. Let's get more of you talking in new languages.
Babbel is gifting our listeners 60% off subscriptions at babbel.com slash left. Get up to 60% off at babbel.com slash left.
Spelled B-A-B-B-E-L.com slash left. Babbel.com slash left.
Get up to 60% off at babbel.com slash left.

Spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash left.

Babbel.com slash left.

Rules and restrictions may apply.

Now, I actually do have,

you know what I realized?

This story of somebody that I know friends of friends of

is actually an update.

Okay.

Because we covered this

in the very beginning

when this was just a rumor. Okay.
And is she's getting arrested now all right is this um so are these the updates or this is in the updates i would put this within the updates but it's this it's a story in and of itself well you better get on with it because i'm confused ghost adventures oh yeah i didn't realize an update. It is.
Because I do remember we talked about it a while ago when it was more like rumors that there were some kind of animosity. She had been starting a bunch of like, what we now know is that Aaron Goodwin, who is one of the cast members of Ghost Adventures, Zach Bagans, you know, very famous nouveau Warren world where he is the he is the grand commander of all paranormal television.
And Ghost Adventures kicked it all off the OG Ghost Bros. And this guy was saying, I guess his wife was Victoria Goodwin was starting to do like there was like an online kerfuffle.
I think I don't know if you remember this. I don't.
But now charges have finally hit the fucking Internet. It is crazy.
So Ghost Adventure star Aaron Goodwin, his wife, Victoria Goodwin, has now been arrested officially after allegedly plotting to have him killed. Yeah, she was booked on two charges, solicitation to commit murder and conspiracy to commit murder.
She was trying to make one of the hosts of Ghost Adventures a ghost. And honestly.
And then he would have went. See, that's my problem with Ghost Adventures.
What? Is the name. Because Ghost Adventures seems like it should be about a ghost on an adventure.
Well, the ghosts are on an adventure. They're joining the Ghost Adventures.
Oh, they're joining the Ghost Adventures. Actually, I don't know.
I think ghost adventures was just the first thing that they had come up with as a pitch back in the day, and now they're locked. Yeah, see, I think ghost hunters makes more sense.
There is ghost hunters. I know there is ghost hunters.
I'm just saying I think that makes more sense. It would have.
As a title for a show that's like this. Ghost adventures, I think, at the time, sounded more positive.
Yes, but now he almost went on his own ghost adventure. Oh, he would have been a ghost.
They would have ventured upon him. And then he would have made money.
And how jealous. He would have been so jealous if he became a ghost.
That's all Zach wants to be. No, I think that apparently Zach's super surprised by this.
And the way it went down was that his wife, so Victoria Goodwin, oh, who's cute, you know, she's cute, normal wife, whatever. It seemed that she was, I'm going to go on a limb.
Now, this is full on me extrapolating that she was seducing an inmate from prison that she was speaking with. Great deal.
And eventually, this is the person that they eventually offered 1111.5? Something like that. Yeah, $1,000.
$11,000 to kill this man. To kill a celebrity.
To kill a celebrity, which is, again, low-balling. I feel like $11,000 is low to kill anybody.
We've talked about this. I still think that the minimum is $25,000.
I said $100,000. I can't believe $25,000 is a minimum.
It should be more than a car to kill somebody. The only reason why I think it's 25 is, and we talked a little bit about this, is that the economic bracket that most people are in looking for a hitman to kill their husband is normally medium to high.
Like, it's normally in a middle to high, like, level. And so I think 25 is a gettable amount of cash.
A lot of people that are super rich, they can't get that money necessarily. They're either not liquid or what we found with a lot of rich people, they just do it themselves.
Yeah. They just fucking, I'll kill her.
You know what I mean? We're like, fuck it. Why get a middleman involved? So they found her text with this inmate in the Florida prison.
Because she deleted the text on her own, but he was hiding the cell phone. And they found it, and they got all this evidence.
Yeah, they weren't even looking for this crime, but they found his phone. And these messages were on the phone.
One of them was from her saying, am I a bad person because I chose to end his existence, not divorce? That's what they said and then he was just like, nah. And then he said, I'd give you $2,500 up front, not enough, always 50% bitch.
Yes. Can't believe that.
And she communicated with him, there was one point where she was trying to make it happen where she said to him, he's asleep right now in the hotel room. I need to know what's going on.
Can I get an update? Was it done? Dude, just before, this is what I also don't understand, as from specifically Lady Dumas, is that whatever you want to say about, this is, I mean this in the least in silly way possible, is that the lady quite often has a lot of the strength when you go into divorce court. Yes.
And because he's the breadwinner technically, and if you aren't making that money, you can take him for as much money as the judge is going to give you. They're going to get, they're going to probably give you the money.
It is so much more advantageous for you money-wise for you divorce. Yeah.
Right? With men, I understand in a way. You got to kill them.
Yes. Well, do you have to kill them? What I find interesting and I guess ironic about the entire thing is that they were married.
Did you see this? They were married. 2022.
At the Haunted Mansion in Disneyland. I mean, why not? That's how much money is that? But the attic scene, Constance Hatchaway, she kills all her husbands.
It was fucking there all along. Interesting.
Yeah. So she's saying she's Kaiser.
You're saying she's Kaiser. So is it? Yeah.
It's in the plot of the ride where they got married. It's very possible.
The bride kills her husband. But he was already doing it and it's really sad because he's like a real wife guy too.
He's taking lots of pictures of her. I mean he's so ugly.
It's hard. This is three weeks ago.
I know dude. They were mini golfing.
They were mini golfing and he posted a picture of them mini golfing with the caption My Valentine always beats me at mini golf. Maybe he lost the bet.
I think that this is she really didn't care. He looks really happy in this picture.
She does too, but I don't trust her. No, you shouldn't.
Because this is Post trying to kill him. Yes.
This picture is after she because this hit was discussed in what, December?

Oh, yeah.

And then Aaron, he basically, he came forward and he said to TMZ, he was blindsided.

He thought he had a happy marriage.

And that's got to be the worst of all.

Because in the end, you don't.

She is already, like, think about how intense that is, too.

Where it's not like she's fucking the sound guy.

It's not like she's fucking somebody,

some other professional,

like your booking agent.

She may be.

We don't know that.

We don't know,

but that's what she decided to do

was to seduce an ex-con.

All the way in Florida.

I know,

because maybe she felt like that would give her some,

to be honest,

I think maybe it'd give her some distance.

How did she find that guy?

Also, he's not an ex-con,

a current,

he was in jail. She was going to get, apparently he was was going to get it.
It sounds like, which I don't understand, it says inmate, but then she says all this stuff like, did you already do it? Blah, blah, blah, which means... Well, that he knows the guy who he's sending.
How many people are in fault here? I know. Well, she's obviously not good at it.
No. No, no, no.
It didn't get done. Again, you got to do it yourself, guys.
Yeah. If you really want to murder, you can't trust all these people.
Cut out the middlemen. We're looking at a picture of them kissing on some rocks.
Push them off the rocks. That's what they could have done right here.
That's free. We learned that.
That's totally free. Although there is a cameraman, obviously.
Guess who you have to kill next. Yeah, yeah.
Or guess who you get in on it. Yeah.
Guess what the inmate should have been. Dresses a photographer.
This could have all been done ahead of time. The inmate could have been the fall guy.
He could have set it up. You just go like, I'm just going to go over here a little bit.
Do you have any idea that what would happen if you just show your men your breasts and then he's in the confused state of looking at breasts? You could just push him right off the cliff. It's that easy.
I'd also love immediately people, people.com, first comment. She's cute.
First comment. That sounds like something you'd say.
But also, you know, if you wanted someone to kill this guy, should have reached out to Hulu. Should have reached out to Hulu.
Hulu would love to get some marketing here. They love hitman shows.
Yeah, they really do. They really, really do.
Now, talk about this. We'll go into this other story because this kind of reminds me of this, is that who they definitely shouldn't have hired is this group of fucking chucklehead stooges that tried to rob Amaranth.
Oh, my God. Now, Amaranth is a...
I'm going to go ahead and call her a queen of the internet. Yes.
She is, people just say, I actually feel like when the way that they talk about her on this and the story, they kind of minimize her as an OnlyFans model. Yeah.
Amaranth is a- But she is. She is, but she is like, kind of like a symbol in many ways she's like the og hardcore uh hot tub streamer she flipped it all into a business she's dealt with bullshit with her fucking i believe her ex-husband she would she was like held a prisoner amaranth has actually been through the ringer yeah and but i will say point two million followers she's huge amaranth is huge.
She's on Twitch. She games and she talks

and whatever you think

about her, just know that she is

technically an empire unto her own.

I've never

heard of her before this week

and I was researching

and I gotta say

she's unattractive.

Yeah, what a gross.

I couldn't

imagine why anybody would

want to look at these videos. Gross.
Get out of here. I'll go, but even Uggos don't deserve to be robbed, Eddie.
My wife listens. No, they don't.
They even just... But this lady, the one thing that Amaranth did incorrect.
Let's get this out of here, Rob. I can't look at these pictures, Rob.
Now, Amaranth is very attractive. Why did they do this to her? Because.
And this is the other thing that I want to say. She's a young person.
A little bit more. She's younger than us.
She's 11 years younger. She's like 30.
She's not young enough. She's 31 years old.
She's not young enough to have done this. but I will say this to people.
You have to think about who you're saying things to on the internet, even if you are this big, especially if you are this big. So she said to her $6.5 million just on Twitch that she had amassed over $20 million in Bitcoin.
Now, these guys decided, which I guess it's like which is the saddest thing of all it's probably not that difficult to find her yeah that there's probably she's probably been doxxed multiple times already it's probably not that she makes videos every day she does and so they so according to her uh three men mass men broke into her home and pistol whipped her, hit her several times. And they said, you know, where is this money? We know that you have 20 million in Bitcoin.
Because we watched the video of her being attacked earlier or her being chased into her house, rather. Not her, actually.
Well, it's not chased. So the way it worked is that they came in they they first attacked her they tied her up where they they were gonna and they sort of beaten her then the she said if you want the money my husband is the one that can give you access to it because this is also the silliest thing about bitcoin as in an order for them to steal it they have to put a a gun to her head, which is what they did, and basically say, you have to get on the internet, and you have to transfer your money to my account.
Like, you have to go log in. But isn't that like a literal paper trail? Yes.
So they would have gotten caught. Eddie, I'll never understand the fake money thing and how new fake money is better than the old fake money.
I'll never understand. Like, I don't know because some people say, oh, it's actually a unique code.
And then some people say, oh, you steal the code. I have no idea how it works.
I've had you guys explain crypto to me 90 times. I'd rather have less money than be involved.
I just couldn't give a fucking shit. I just couldn't give a shit.
But she, like, was worth a lot of it. And so these guys are all fumbling, trying to figure out how to get the money.
And eventually she says, my husband can give you access. So what you see in the video, so this video that came out on Law and Crime, you're watching them go from the front house to the back house.
So Amaranth is leading the three robbers to the back house. Oh, that's her driveway? Oh, yeah, dude.
That's her personal driveway? That's her compound. Man, she does really well for herself.
Yes. And so they went to the back house, and as they're going- That's why there's dogs everywhere.
Oh, yes. It's a whole compound.
That's why she has the- I told you, you could see three custom cars. She's got an Escalade.
She's got a custom G-Wagon. She's doing very well.
And so they went in there where her husband was lying in wait with a gun. Now, the reason why he even knew what was going on, which is why I'm still kind of confused, was that instead of calling 911 in the heat of the moment, she tweeted, I am getting robbed.
Well, because she couldn't call 911 because they're standing over her, but she could probably tweet where their fucking eyes closed. And that's what she said is that she was doing it because they were trying to get her to log into her bitcoin account and she's like i am i am i'm logging in and she said with this i mean just shows we all need to work on our media literacy including robbers is that they looked and they saw that didn't see that she was in her account she was tweeting and her husband saw the tweet the tweet.
Yes. In the back house.
Armed himself. And this is a...
Couples need a plan like this. I mean, it seems like...
I mean, they put themselves in a rough situation, but it seems like they were kind of ready. Oh, yeah.
She brought him to the back house. Husband lit him up.
Shot one of the robbers. And they ran away.
And so, this shows you gotta be careful. But they didn't catch the guys.
No. How? How are they not able to? They gave their Bitcoin account to her, right? No.
They were just trying to get, I think the goal was to have her log in then they take the phone. Oh, okay.
But then she was like, oh, I can't oh, oh. Yeah.
Very smart. Very smart.
I think she should shift it to real estate. No, I think that people should subscribe to her OnlyFans and watch her videos.
I think that they do, Eddie. She needs some more.
If you have crypto, I say give it to her. I am going to say, Eddie, that while I do support Amaranth, she's doing very well.
She just want to buy her things. People do.
People buy her stuff all day. She is very well bought for.
She is doing very, very well. But we just want to say good luck to you, Amaranth.
We hope that you're okay. Meg Turney, same thing.
We had a friend, Meg Turney, that was also a model that went through the same shit. Got fucking brutally robbed.
tied up, beat, horrible. She's another wonderful lady that did not deserve it.
Yeah, so you need an armed husband? Honestly, I think that this is where we need Boston Dynamic Dogs. Oh, my God.
Well, she has three dogs. I know.
They did nothing. They did nothing.
They were too good. They were running back and forth.
They were too cute. They were actually just adorable.
Yes, they were being too cute. They were not killing the robbers.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Wow, this is wild. Yep.
You know, but, you know, I'm sure they'll find these guys eventually. I mean, even if they don't, it's just knowing that you better be careful you come for.
All right? Because even though she might be a hot tub streamer, she might be packing. Mm-hmm.
All right. Well, there's some guys that's going to be.
There's one guy that's going to be packing. Oh, my God.
I love this. All right.
So we were talking about how it was $11,000 for someone to hire a hitman. It's crazy, right? $11,000 to kill a famous human being.
Yes. Like, legitimately has 20 seasons of television.
So difficult. And also, she was arranging the hit to be done on set.
Yes. So where there's cameras.
Yeah. Fucking insane.
But for $1,000 more. $ 1,000 more dollars you can

be Gene Simmons assistant

for one day so Gene

Simmons is doing a solo tour

this is the funniest concept

I've ever heard

and so he put out this dumb shit

this fucking asshole

he put out this thing

what a fucking dickhead

it's all like so basically

it's roadie for a day

it's a special

All right. He put out this thing.
He's such a piece of head. What a fucking dickhead.
It's all like, so basically it's roadie for a day.

Yeah.

It's a special VIP package for his solo tour where you get to hang out and assist Gene Simmons.

You're literally doing manual labor, setting up for the band show. You're a roadie.

You're going to sit in on sound check and arrive at the venue with the band and hang out backstage for $12,495. That's so amazing.
Tell a roadie. If you know a roadie, tell a roadie.
I'd ask them, be like, are you happy about this? Yeah, how much do you get paid? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Do you get $12,000 a day? A day? Yeah, yeah, or the Gene Simmons to just watch you do it.
That just made me laugh so much. It's such a fucking silly idea.
Yeah, according to the listing, the high roller will go home with a set list signed by Simmons and assigned rehearsal-used bass guitar. Well, rehearsal-used bass guitar could be worth a couple thousand.
I don't know. Guitar is pretty expensive.
Guitar itself, probably Gene Simmons guitar. Yeah, one Gene Simmons guitar, it's probably itself worth between $2,000 and $3,000.
Yeah, but where are you going to sell it? At one of those fake autograph stores at the Mirage? Yep. You know? Yes.
Oh, my God. That's where you sell it.
RIP Mirage. But last time I was there, I went into their autograph store because I love going to those stupid autograph stores.

And they're all obviously fake.

But my favorite was I was walking around and one of the autographs they had there was Leonardo da Vinci.

I remember.

I know exactly what you're talking about.

It's just like, wow.

And you mentioned just, hey, who does that impress? Like, who does it make wet? I mean, like, as. And you mentioned just, who does that impress?

Like, who does it make, like, wet? I mean, like, as you can see right here, I have Da Vinci's autograph. Like, you wait, I got the VIP meet and greet with him.
Yeah, I said, let me tell you a thing or two about helicopters. Propellers.
How about we go with propellers? Oh, man. Well, I really hope

no one does this stupid fucking

Gene Simmons thing. He...

Alright, you know...

What if we do $15,000, you pay me.

You get to do the podcast.

Hold on. For an episode.

If you pay me directly $15,000...

Then I still have to come to work?

No. I'm talking about the fans.

Oh, the fans.

This is a VIP experience.

I thought you were talking to me.

I was like, I'm not giving you money to do what I already do.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

This is a VIP experience for Last Podcast and Left listeners that I want you to say,

you, directly Venmo me $15,000.

And then they do the show with me?

They get to do the show. Yep.
With me. So I have to carry the dead weight No, they have to do me They are you, but they're Guaranteed dead weight And how much do I get? Same I get another $15,000? No, same weight you always get Your normal fees, your normal payment Well then, it's not going to.
I won't show up. You won't show up for the fan experience? No.
All right. $3,000 goes to you.
Okay. Yep.
Done. The order of the deal.
Man, I'll tell you what. I've hung out with Gene Simmons before, and he sucks.
Yeah, I've heard he's not a nice man. Yeah, he's shitty to be around.
He's not fun. I don't like him.
His daughter's very nice. His daughter is very nice.
Really? Yes. Yes.
Yeah, no, it makes me sad because, I mean, obviously he was never, you know, he is the most capitalist rock star of all time. He is unabashed about it.
You know who is great? Dee Snider. Complete delight.
Exonerated by time. Another one of those guys.
Just so much fun. Just normal.
Hanging out. All around you.
You know who basically got exonerated by time too is Sammy Hagar. Oh yeah.
He's completely neutral. Yeah no one cares.
You know he doesn't have like yeah obviously he's got Cabo. Cabo Wabo's fucking crushing it but you don't really see too many problematic characters there.
No. You know what I mean? I kind of figured that like Milos Yadonopoulos and stuff would be there.
You know what I mean? Yeah. But no.
Just fucking normal ass guys. Yeah, he's fine.
Yep. All right.
Go check it out. Go to see Cabo Wabo.
Yeah. And Sammy Hagar says he doesn't want to tour anymore.
Oh. Yeah, he's fucking 70.
He's 74 years old. He shouldn't tour anymore.
What's he doing? He has enough to do with the restaurant Right now Come on! It's everything Right now It's a magic moment Do it right here now So Lazio The sack falconer Alright, now Lazio is the name of the Italian soccer team.

The Sierra A Club. Okay, so that's Lazio, which I believe, I don't know what that means, a term involved.
The statement read, SS Lazio Spa. Shocked to see the photographic and video images of Mr.
Juan Bernabe. But now, Mr.
Juan Bernabe, those of you that aren't aware, he was the falconer for the Italian soccer team. One of these, whatever this lozzy, all right? And so part of it, they have, I guess, one of their mascots is an eagle, a bald eagle that flies around.
Yeah. And he's in charge of the eagle.
His job is to watch the eagle. Now, if you look at this man, first thing I say in my head is, Signore Clean, because he looks like Mr.
Clean. And we know he's super, super clean because his penis has been seen by many, many people now because he posted it.
Why did he post it? Because he wanted to show off his absolutely impressive penile implant surgery. That's right.
Now, they said that enough was enough. The company said they were really upset.
The company apologizes to the people of Italy. Watch him kiss.
He's kissing the eagle with that mouth. The company is aware of the pain shared by all that the loss of the eagle in the next home games will cause to the fans, but believes that it's not possible to be associated, all of us, and especially with the historical symbol of the Eagle, with a subject, with its initiative, has made the continuation of the relationship inadmissible.
That's a little bit roundabout way of saying they fired him because he put his penis on social media. Now, he says that he didn't.
He said that he posted his own personal penile implant picture to his own Facebook profile, which is public.

It's a private profile.

But it's public because it's on the Internet.

So he posted this picture.

And somehow, this amazing picture of his extremely well-made...

I'm definitely in some people's close friends group on Instagram that I'm like, we're not close friends.

But it's kind of fun.

I like to see...

I'm like, oh.

Yeah.

That's not... this amazing picture of his extremely well-made close friends group on Instagram that I'm like, we're not close friends, but it's kind of fun.
I like to see. I'm like, Oh yeah, that's nice.
It's nice that you think of me that way. Oh, that's nice.
But this guy, uh, what I love about this guy is that he does not fucking care in the most Italian way possible. He says, I put the video on my private profile.
So it's a private thing. If people then circulate it, what can I do? And so he literally is unaffected.
He says, my conscience is clear. I published it only to let people know about the surgery.
They said, did you regret posting the images? He said, absolutely not. I have never regretted anything, let alone doing it for something that is

a medical purpose.

Right? So, he says

he needs it. He said

that his sexual desires

were rampant.

He said, this is again,

this is to a reporter, guys.

This is to an out loud

source. This is to somebody who he knows is writing it down.
Oh, my God. That's the picture? Yeah.
This is the picture. Look how he's so happy.
Oh, my God. This is why they fired him.
That's why they fired him is because it's the single worst picture of a penal implant. The average cost of this, Henry.
You would need to work for Gene Simmons twice to cover this. It goes up to $25,000.
That is the single worst picture I have ever seen. He is, okay, let me try to describe this.
He is, his face is beet red. He has a smiling ear to ear.
The way he's positioned is the most lazy... He must be in so much pain.
He is just... He's got an obvious kind of bandage there.
He's laying there like a corpse with a fully, fully... He does look like a falconer.
At least, yeah, if you say it before, now it's got a third perch. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This motherfucker is so happy with how crystal hard his dick is.
He's like, make it a self-portrait. All of the doctors are just like, yes, yeah, easy.
And they're all just, well, they are just fine with it. And he said, oh.
People always get mad when I do this, but I always try to look at things from the person's

point of view.

And if he assumes this is a private profile and he's sharing his new surgery, his $25,000

surgery.

Who's on the closed one? You know? Is his nieces on there? Is his nephews on there? We don't know. It's also, I don't think that, yes.
I just think that, you know what it is? How do I say this? If I got a new dick, I'd show you. Of course.
Yeah. In person.
We talked about this. I'd send you a pic.
Check out my new dick. One picture.
New dick here. Who dis? Okay.
That's totally fine. New picture.
If you send a picture privately to one person, he still posted it on a social media profile. Yes.
He posted it for everyone. If you just sent it to me.
But it was a private profile. I have no problems with you sending me pictures of your new science built penis.
It's just the smile on his face. It wasn't like the smile does kind of make it bad.
But the thing is it's not like he was harassing anybody. It's just like check out this thing I did.
Throw a towel on it. It's like a tattoo.
Well if you throw a towel on it you can't show anybody. Yeah, you can.
It'll look like a ghost. I don't know, man.
And then he says here, I had the surgery to increase my sexual performance because I am very active. I need to ejaculate whenever I have free time.
This is direct quotes, people. Yeah.
A wonderful surgery. I had to be as good as I was when I was young.
My erection is natural. But with this advice, I press a button that allows me to perfectly control both the erection and the timing.
So he can be erect at the grocery store. You can be erect at the DMV.
He says, I would advise people to have a decent procedure because previously I relied daily, daily on the pills to increase my sexual potency. Being able to control my erection is a step forward for my life.
So you had erectile dysfunction? No. He's saying he needed it just to fuck more.
He was just taking pills recreationally to keep his dick hard so that he could fuck multiple times. I hate what people call erectile dysfunction ED because it just spells my name.
Wink. Sounds like a branding opportunity.
Someone put the end in erectile dysfunction. Being able to control my erection is a step forward for my life.
When I have a free time, I always want to have sex. I would like to do it at least once or twice a day.
This guy's horny. This guy's horny, horny, horny, horny, horny.
To the point where he blew out his penis organs. I imagine a lot of ladies love him.
I mean, he's a falconer at a soccer match in Europe. I imagine he's a sought-after gentleman.
What is it about? I don't know. You don't think he is? You know what it is? His whole thing is given RFK Jr.
Oh, that's a back. He's definitely, yeah, it is.

Look at that back. I appreciate it.

Don't you even make fun of that back.

That's my goal back.

Man, that is impressive.

That's my fucking goal.

God, run a comb through it.

It's a very hairy back.

I have the same back.

And it's a virile back.

You don't have the same back.

No, but that is a virile man's back.

Oh, it definitely is.

He needed to have a cyborg penis

to keep up with his balls.

And that is a virile man's back. Oh, it definitely is.
He needed to have a cyborg penis to keep up with his balls. And that is a picture of a bald eagle on the wall of his bed.
In his bedroom. He lives that eagle life.
He loves eagles. Can you see the translation there? What's the eagle doing now? It's not his eagle.
It's the team's eagle. It's traumatized.
Good morning, everyone. Thank you very much for those who were with me yesterday at Castellina to give us a support, a friendship, and a love.
I think you all are with my heart. I have a wonderful week and surrounded by friends and a family.
He's always nude in this. Now all I can see is him naked with that absolutely massive erection sitting there talking.
I'm very surprised that he even performs. I mean, it's Italy, though.
Isn't everyone just naked? Italy's actually a lot more, not prudish, but it's prudish. It's a Catholic country.
It's a very religious country. Italy fucks more than any other country.
But it's a surprisingly conservative country. It has a very large conservative streak.
There is also the Catholic thing, which is is massive there all I know is we were on one boat in Italy and the guy who drove the boat tried to fuck both of our wives I mean it's cause also he runs the boat and he was just man I'll always remember the guy oh you don't need we are alone on this boat we do not need the bathing suits do you remember that, his daughter is the only other person on the boat. And he only directed that at Julie Natalie.
Yes. No, no.
He would definitely tell us to get naked. Your wives do not need the bathing suits.
Yeah, this guy's fucking horny, man. All right? So, yeah.
Big ring? Big ring. But he probably got that.
He keeps kissing the eagle.

He keeps kissing it.

I don't know why he's kissing the eagle so much. All I want.

Oh, stop kissing it.

The eagle likes it, it seems like.

You know what I am going to say is that.

It should be ripping his face off.

If the next piece of music comes out.

When the eagle's looking at the camera like, what's this fucking guy doing?

If he fucks this eagle.

If he's been fucking the eagles, we're going to be talking.

I mean.

All right?

Because you know who's the only person who's allowed to fuck the eagles? I know the the Eagles like getting fucked. You know the only one who is allowed to fuck the Eagles? Glenn Frey.
Ooh, he's gone. All right, Pete.
Rest in peace. All right, Pete.
It's a fucking man. Got his fucking ass.
I saw the Eagles after Glenn Frey died, and they had Bob Seger sit in for his section, which was pretty fucking awesome. That's pretty good.
It was like an upgrade. Yeah, I mean, he's got...
I didn't want to say I was happy he was dead, but it was a nice coincidence. We weren't complaining.
Actually, now that you're dead, I actually could see a lot of great options. Live from your grave.
Pandora makes it easy for you to find your favorite music. Discover new artists and genres by selecting any song or album, and we'll make you a personalized station for free.
Download on the Apple App Store or Google Play and enjoy the soundtrack to your life. It's always nice to keep your money where you can see it.
I want my money to sit in a big pile of silver rocks that I sit upon. And if you want to get it for me, you have to kill me.
But not everyone's like me. See, traditional big wireless carriers also seem they like to keep your money too, and that drives me crazy.
If you're tired of high wireless bills, bogus fees, and free perks that actually cost more in the long run, you're going to want to switch to Mint Mobile. Mint Mobile offers premium plans starting at $15 per month with high speed data and unlimited talk and text on the nation's largest 5G network.
Plus, you can keep your phone and number along with all your contacts. Lucky you.
You'll never miss a text when you're on Mint Mobile because it is everywhere. Ubiquitous, like the pain of being man.
Go and save your money with Mint Mobile.

If you like your money, Mint Mobile is for you.

Shop plans at mintmobile.com slash lpotl.

That's mintmobile.com slash lpotl.

Upfront payment of $45 for a three-month five-gigabyte plan required,

equivalent to $15 a month.

New customer offer for first three months only,

then full-price plan options available. Taxes and fees extra.
See Mint Mobile for details. All right.
So this story, this next one, now it's not, the story itself isn't that interesting, but I had some questions about it. And maybe people can get back to us and let us know what they think.
Side stories. L-P-O-T-L at gmail.com.
So a suspect in a Florida jewelry theft, this happened in Orlando, swallows $770,000 worth of Tiffany earrings just before his arrest. And we don't recommend this.
No. He got caught.
He said, am I going to get in trouble for what's inside my body is one of the quotes that he had. And then they x-rayed him and found out for sure that he has the earrings in the middle of his body.
And so now he has to pass the earrings so they can give it back to Tiffany and co. And what we want to know is sidestorieslpotl at gmail.com.
Number one from our medical community. He also, he looks pretty muscular.
He was quite fit. Is that I wonder will these even come out of him? Yes, and if they do, and they do go back to Tiffany's, will they be at a discounted rate? I'll tell you right now, Tiffany's.
Because if it went through a human shit river. I'm going to do this.
Right now, Tiffany's, I'll take them off your hands, five grand.

Five grand?

Yeah, take them off your hands, all right?

People don't want them poo-poo diamonds?

Tiffany's, 10 grand.

I go, whoa, hey, we're in a bidding war.

10 grand, all right. Hey, man, poo-poo, poo-poo.

Don't come against me, man.

No, I'm not coming against you.

I just want to buy Julie something nice.

Yeah, but then.

But I'm never going to spend more than 10 grand on earrings, so I might as well get really nice ones for her.

Yeah, but I don't know if, because I'm willing to go up to 12.

Thank you. Julie something nice.
Yeah, but then... But I'm never going to spend more than $10,000 on earrings, so I might as well get really nice ones for her.
Yeah, but I don't know if... Because I'm willing to go up to $12,000.
Are you willing to go up to $12,000, or are you going up to $12,000? We'll see what happens. Well, I mean, tell Tiffany's right now.
Yeah, I'm going to wait until the very end of the auction. Oh, well, the auction's closed for $10,000.
What the fuck do you? Give me the money! No, I do want to know. I feel like we should be able to get a discount.
These are poo-poo diamonds. These are poo-poo diamonds.
You don't mean to tell me, because no matter what you do, when you give these poo-poo diamonds to whoever you love. It's got to be less than half a mil.
If they're $7.70 now, when they resell these diamonds. $15,000.
Now, what if he dies? What if he dies? Because if you swallow a tooth, you can cut off your esophagus and you could die. To be honest, I think that if he dies, it pushes it up.
You think it makes it more expensive? Oh, yeah. No, but if he dies, do they go in him and cut these earrings out and then give them back to Tiffany's? Or is he buried with them? If I was Tiffany, I would do exactly that.
I don't know if Tiffany's is allowed to say whether or not. This is, I feel like, a weird legal ground here.
You don't think that Tiffany's doesn't have a contingency plan for this or a morgue? There's no way that there's not a Tiffany's morgue. You know, all in that, like, blue color? Whatever they do, you know, that Tiffany blue? I, this is actually, I do think that, while this is a silly question...
He could easily die. The back of these earrings could rip up his intestines, and this man can get sepsis and die.
Talk about blood diamonds. Seriously, yes, exactly.
Blood and stool diamonds. Now, I wonder if you, for Tiffany's, it's not that this hasn't happened before, but I don't think that they...
I've never heard of it. I don't know.
I don't know if you'd leave behind. I don't know what Tiffany's rules would be.
Like, I wonder if, for insurance purposes, if they would just cut him open and take the things out of him. I also truly do believe that if they kill him, I think if they get it out with him not dying.

Yeah, they want him to just pass it.

He's shitting in a bucket currently.

Yeah, which...

Lucky bucket.

He's not even...

Lucky bucket.

Oh, yeah.

But no, he...

Yeah, no, they're not even letting him use the toilet.

He's got to use... No.
He's got... You know, so.
No, because all they're waiting for is jingle, jingle, jingle. Think about that all day long.
You're just waiting for the jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle. What if he immediately swallows him again? Oh, that's what I'd do.
What are you going to do now? Oh, my God. But I wonder if Tiffany's, like, if it passes all the way through him, I think that, honestly, the real answer, we'll see if this is correct or not.
I think the real answer will be they would harvest the diamonds from it and they would melt down the metal and they would remake them into other earrings. But the diamonds themselves.
Covered in shit. Still were covered in shit at one point.
But I think if you wipe them off with a couple of easy wipes and then you throw them in a batch of a bunch of other diamonds you wouldn't even know you don't think that it lowers the price at least 30 grand I I for me as the man trying to purchase the booboo diamonds yes yeah I don't think anyone buys these for the 770,000 dollars that they're trying to sell them for. I don't think so, unless, again, they make them all the way through, because then it shows how resilient they are.
Yeah, well, I mean, obviously they're going to make it through them. I think if they kill them, the price goes up.
You think if it kills them, it goes up? I'd pay, because think about the true crime people that love money and have money. Like, you know, that concept of these earrings killed a man that are on the lobes of a woman.
Does that not make you women wet? It's crazy. Zach Baggins, I'm looking at you.
But think about that. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. I feel like you guys would like, I think ladies would like, especially these days, they'd be like, uh, yeah, my earrings have a death count.
You know what I mean? Like, I think people... I mean, all diamonds have a death count.
Well, I like the lab ones, because they're just easy to do. And also, again, I don't think...
And they're cheaper. I don't think a diamond's even worth it unless it comes from the hands of a chart.
That's a great point. And that's the reason why we do, but we do work with Blue Nile, because they know better.
Yeah, and if you guys want, we're going to be selling last podcast on a left diamond soon. Yes.
Yeah. As an upgrade to the stitcher premium plan.
Yes. I'm going to be choking them down and shitting them out.
So that you can have them. But the only way you get to have them is you keep the shit on them.
They call them a pubic zirconium. Yes.
But I'd love to find out, is he going to live? Yeah. live yeah he definitely can die wow and we have one last story for y'all today um and that is the texas rocket man is recovering after a county fair mishap this happened close to us yes this was in indio this is the riverside.
Yeah, the rocket man, Chachi Valencia.

Great name. Great.
Especially for a rocket man, Chachi is kind of the best name for a rocket man. But tell me about this.
All right, so this is a little, this might get, some people might get a little maybe upset about this, but I'm not saying that this is because he's an inessential worker. I'm just curious.
Now, Chachi

Valencia, his job

is his whole life is to be shot out

of a cannon. Yes.
Now, he's done this several

times, but he did this over the weekend.

Now, he fucked up

this weekend by shooting himself out

of a cannon, and I guess he

misjudged the wind.

So if you see the video of him doing it,

it's like, you could definitely see it hurts. He hits the edge of the net, bounces up, spins around, slams down onto his body, right? He fucking falls down.
He crushes a bunch of bones. He breaks his ribs.
At least he did hit the net for a second. He lived.
Now, obviously, he's very resilient. This is a tough man that's been doing this for, he does this for a living.
I don't think there's any way this is the first time he's fell. Well, he's had a couple of mishaps.
He's had a couple of near misses. But the one thing I do find curious, and don't tell me about this.
I don't mean this to sound cutthroat here. But there is a GoFundMe being set up to help Chachi Valencia get money to recuperate so that he's, because all the money he's going to lose not being able to get shot out of a cannon for the next several months.
Yes. And medical bills.
But how do I say, yes, obviously it's really sad that we're in this place and people need these GoFundMes. I don't think this man has insurance.
No. Because who would insure the Rocket Man? Yeah.
But I wonder, is this maybe not Mother Nature herself telling you to slow down, Chachi? Maybe, Chachi, it's time for the Rocket Man to come down to Earth. Maybe if you're making little things like this, next time, Chachi, it might not be a near miss.
It might be a full-on, you get shot into a fucking cavern. You get shot into a gulch.
It was a sudden unexpected gust of wind. He is the Texas rocket man, and this happened in California.
We know about the winds. We had the fires.
It pops up, especially in Riverside. You can look it up online beforehand.
It's out by the windmills. I think you got to check with a finger.
But it's an unexpected gust. I know, but you got to figure out how to...
Also, it's got to be pretty strong to fucking push a human body. It must have been.
It was enough. Yeah.
Unless there was somebody trying to kill the Rocket Man. Mm-hmm.
This is from the GoFundMe page. We're reaching out with some difficult news about Chachi, the incredible human cannibal artist known as the Rocketman Valencia.
Recently at the Riverside County Fair and National Date Festival. Oh, the food date.
The food date. The date festival in Riverside seems like it could get rough.
A sudden and unexpected gust of wind tragically altered his performance. During his act, a strong gust of wind caught him midair, causing him to miss the safety net.
He struck the side of the net. It catapulted him out and unfortunately landed on the asphalt.
Oh, yeah. He got jacked up.
Now, I know there's a net there, but why not have some pads down also? Because that's not nearly as impressive, Eddie. It is.
I don't think anyone would notice. I would.
You would, you? First thing I'd say is, pussy. Yeah.
What a pussy. Oh, he needs more than a net.
Yeah. Chachi is a dedicated performer who brings joy and excitement to audiences, a breathtaking marvel in skill and daring.
His death-defying stunt as electrified crowds at the London Olympics closing ceremony. That's pretty fucking awesome.
That's pretty big. NASCAR and Formula One events and the secret weapon in Rio de Janeiro's carnival competition.
It is wild, man, to have that life. Think about that, that that's what you do.
You travel the world getting shot out of a... This is a matter of time.
Oh course if this is your job you're gonna have a bad day at work at some point don't you kind of if you have to prep for this right but don't you kind of want it i mean yeah of course because i feel like that's what i would do with the very last one and once i hit like 80 i'd be like pull the net yeah all right, now we're doing it for real.

Yeah. You know, I feel like that could be, and then you just get splattered.
Yeah, and he's coming back, though. Has he shot? He's just going to take some time off, and he's going to come back, the Rocket Man.
You know, so please, if you do feel like you need to support him, you can. But also, maybe, again, I'm just saying, Rocket Man, maybe this is your wake-up call.
I'm looking at his GoFundMe and there's only one

person put words of support

and it just says ding-dong.

Interesting. Very, very sound.

Not a single

lesson learned. Ten dollars.
Ding-dong!

Ding-dong!

Why did it say ding-dong?

What the fuck?

Why does it just say ding-dong? That must be a thing. Maybe it's an inside joke with him.
I don't know, but it's hilarious. I don't know, but either way.
Chachi, we love you, Chachi. We love you, Chachi.
I want the best for you. I hope you reach your goal.
I'm not donating, but we brought it up on the show, and so maybe someone will donate if you want to see the Riverside or the Texas Rocketman Valencia. Honestly, he has a content.
Go to his website. The Rocketman Valencia.
Just go to his website. Send a word of support through his email request.
I guess you could also just book him. Available? Well, not right now.
Can you look this up? How much is the bookend? You got to reach out. Oh, you got gotta reach out.
Because maybe that's what we'll do.

Yeah, we'll book him. Once he's better.
How much

do you think it could cost for

one shot out of

the cannon? $5,000.

Wow.

$1,000. $1,000? Yeah.

Well, you gotta get the cannon, you gotta get the net.

I sadly think it's like, sadly,

it's like $750. Really?

Yeah. You think so?

Well, then they gotta lower this $55,000 goal. Maybe it's $1,000.
I think maybe you rent the thing. It's not a thing you can look up.
Why can't I look this up? How much is a human cannibal? If you get shot out of a cannon, please write in. Let us know.
How much do you charge? We're not necessarily hiring you, but we are just curious. I'm looking for estimates.
Yeah, yeah. To see if it's something that's in the budget.
Yeah, I'm looking for estimates here, honestly, because I'm going to take a couple of options here. Because basically, if it's more expensive than a dog in a ballerina costume,

probably not going to do it. Unfor- that's the choices we need to make in the

2025 economy.

Yeah, we'll have to look it up. We're going to have to try

to book him. He's got a booking agent.
Yeah, of course

he does. Yeah.
Of course, if he's big

enough to go to the London Olympics and shit like that,

he must be fucking a very important

He must be. It seems like it.
Or one of. Yeah.

Well, I hope to see you

back at work, Chachi.

Yeah, but it's more of a spring. That's what I

knew. They don't actually shoot you.
TheRocketMan1

at live.com if you want to email

him and wish him well. I want to hang out with him.

He actually seems like a blast.

When's the last time you saw the movie Rocket Man?

I haven't seen it in a long time. I wonder if

it sucks, though. Probably.
Let's get some listener emails. Yeah.
All right, here we go. Some really good ones this week.
Yeah, we got some stuff on victim advocates, first-degree murder. Well, victim advocates, the one thing I will just say is thank you for the support I got from victim advocates.
And the main thing that they said is I got a lot of backup. And truly, even the victim advocates agreed with you.
Yes. And just make sure you just call a lawyer.
If you can afford a lawyer, call a lawyer. Talk to somebody with a lawyer.
Lawyering a law degree from your state. Yeah.
It's extremely important, too, because all of the laws vary by state. And if you're very broke and you find a victim's advocate, maybe hit up your smartest friend and be does that seem real to you? I mean I don't know but it'll definitely call a fucking lawyer.
Most lawyers, you could definitely find somebody that will pick up, at least pick up the phone and let's just know that the people they reached out to they're trained by the state and they really are and they're confidential. Like people like this, a real victim's advocate is not going to blast you on social media and it's just not how it works a victim's advocate is supposed to work for you alongside you and it's not supposed to bring attention to themselves it's actually the exact opposite of what they're supposed to do Casey Anthony is the ultimate example of this parasitical version of this job.
Caca woman. Caca bitch.

And Gypsy Rose Blanchard coming out hard against her.

Yeah.

Well, if anyone knows about a bad mom.

And that's the sad, because I wish that she would have made it to my March Madness pool.

Oh, Gypsy?

Versus Casey.

Oh, yeah.

Because Gypsy kills mothers.

Yeah.

And Casey kills daughters.

Yeah, that is true.

I mean, who's stronger? If you really want to talk about who's strong and who's not and she's got prison time under her belt oh she's hard as fuck oh yeah she can make a ratchet ass fucking shiv but didn't her boyfriend and her just break up because of Dr. Phil he got broke up because of the social media presence the OG boyfriend but now she's back with the other guy the had the dick is fire.
Oh, okay, yeah. She's not with him anymore.
She's with the other guy. She's back with the big guy, Ken? No.
Yeah, Ken. She's with Ken now.
She's with Dumper? I thought Dumper was... No, Dumper's gone.
Ken is the new old one. Yeah, he's the old guy who's not the Dumper that she was with originally.
I like the Dumper. He is fine.
He's the only, you can tell he's a nice

man. Couldn't handle the heat? No, he certainly

could not. Gypsy Rose Blanchard, if she's one

thing, red hot.

Ugh.

Um.

Here we go. Now let's get to this really gross

story. Yeah, I love this.
I don't know if it's a gross story.

It's just more, you never know how close families are.

An unsettling story.

So I've been

a wedding bartender in North Carolina for five years and work at venues all over the state. There's a lot of downtime before a wedding, so it's common for vendors to swap interesting stories to pass the time.
This is the craziest one I've heard. So the story goes that just before the ceremony, everyone is preparing to get lined up, doing final checks, and the groom is nowhere to be found.
Where is he? So all the

bridesmaids and groomsmen are looking around.

The bride's getting frustrated. All the guests are in their seats, walking around, searching the venue.
The bride's sister starts hearing noises coming from a closet. So she opens the door, only to find the groom breastfeeding from his mother while the father is watching.
I suppose, I guess, for some much-needed comfort before the stress of the wedding. Needless to say, the wedding was canceled.
Now, nothing's got to be, like, how do I put this? Is she still breastfeeding? It was, I think it was just dry and it was for the feeling of it. He was sucking on her tits.
Yes. He wasn't breastfeeding.
I mean, honestly... Assuming if you're getting married, your mother is over 50.
There's only two ways this counts in terms of that we can remotely kind of try to sort of, like, talk about this and that if, one, your mother is Salma Hayek. Mm-hmm.
Two, your mother is Susan Sarandon.

Yeah. That is the only way this is remotely acceptable or Amaranth.
Yes. Yeah.
Simply just because she needs the support. Yeah.
Now, but the idea of just wholeheartedly just sucking on a titty with no milk coming out of it on your wedding day is I get it. We all handle stress differently.
For me, I find that situation itself very stressful. Also, if you have to do this, I suggest doing it at the hotel beforehand.
We're not even telling you don't do it. We're not even saying hold back.
It's your wedding day. Yeah.
We're saying have the good taste to do it back in the changing area. Yeah.
All right? And not that day. Not the day of the wedding.
The dad watching is the weird part. I think he's just trying to make sure he did it right.
This sounds like a backrooms video. It does.
I do. But I've talked did I not talk about on the stream about how my entire algorithm I am getting this like breastfeeding thing.
Really? It's a lot of that. It's a way to show tits but without it but they use the baby and a lot of times they use a fake baby too to pretend suck on the tit and then they pull it off like uh-huh and just so you could see them a little bit.
And so you see nipples on Instagram now? Oh, yeah. Because of the breastfeeding? Yeah, look it up.
I'm okay. I've never typed in the words breastfeeding.
I had a family member who kept posting breastfeeding videos, and I wasn't happy about it. We've talked about this where I...
I'm okay with it. I'm happy about it.
If I was in the room, that's one thing. I'm not disgusted by it, and I don't even hate it, right? I don't think that it's bad.
I think it's natural, and I think you need to breastfeed whenever you need to breastfeed. Absolutely.
But if you're my little cousin, please don't post it on Instagram stories. I would also say, just understand, we are doing everything in our power as men to not look at it, because we don't want to see it.
We actively don't want to see it. I'm behaving myself.
But the sucking and the titty out

makes our heads turn.

It's a noise. There's nothing that we

can do because how hard is this noise

to ignore?

If my dog is licking his foot

at night, I flip out

because the noise is so much.

Meanwhile, if you sit over there and you got

your six-year-old out and she's chomping on your fucking, chomping on your Tetons getting their fucking whole milk, alright, I can't, I'm gonna end up looking. And I don't want to.
No one wants it. We all hate it.
But just know that's why, I think it's cool, but again, I also support it. Please breastfeed in public.
Just put a blanket over everybody. Just know that, yeah, it's more of like if your family's around, I don't know.
Now we're just getting into trouble. Now I'm in trouble.
Now we're just getting into trouble. It's a touchy subject.
It is a touchy subject. It's funny in a way.
It's very touchy. Super, it's a sucky subject.
It's a sucky subject. Because I do, you know, but again, I support breastfeeding.
I want you to breastfeed. Please breastfeed.
Do it at the restaurant. Do it at the airport.
I don't care. Do it at the police station.
Do it at the crack house. You just don't need to put it on Instagram reels.
I don't know. I guess maybe they do.
But you like it. I don't like it.
And I'm asking for a notch. I don't like it.
But you have been enjoying it. No, I just have seen it.
You've seen it. And you don't like it.
No. Say it again.
I don't like it. No, because I don't want to see babies in there.

That's not what breasts are for.

No.

Well, it is technically exactly what they're for.

Yeah, for lame breasts.

Now let's go and look at this next story.

So...

Unsubscribe.

Unsubscribe.

This is literally the non-toxic male podcast here we go so we had a comment we talked about laurie and chad this week getting a hotel room for their non-heavy petting awkward christian non-sex okay and this is just too much when i was in college i was in a sority. And it was a relatively normal sorority except for one girl.
She was a very conservative Christian. Not sure exactly which branch, but very fundamentalist.
I think her parents wanted her to join because she would live with only girls and stay pure or something. Yeah, good idea.
She got engaged by the time she was 20, which we all awkwardly side-eyed because it's the only way they can have sex. That's why they get engaged at early.
Boys were not allowed on the second floor of the house, but you could theoretically study with your boyfriend on the main level. One time her fiancé came over and they were hanging out in the living room while I was reading for class.
We were probably like 10 feet or away from them. The two of them faced each other and they

pressed their foreheads against each

other, looking in each other's eyes

and breathing heavily together while

holding hands. It was the

most disgustingly, intimate,

uncomfortable thing I have second

hand experienced. And it

went on for about 15 minutes.

Well, that's long. Oh yeah.
Well, I just

sat there. I was trying to read, not knowing if I should leave.

Every so often, I would just hear a mmm, mmm, mmm, from behind me, and I would internally

scream.

I think it would have actually been less weird if they just had sex in front of me.

I agree.

Eventually, the awkwardness of the situation broke through to me, and I cough loudly, and I left to leave them with their weird breathing shit. Yeah, so I think it's probably good that...
That's how they have sex and demolition, man. That is what I wanted to bring up with the shells.
Lori and Chad got a hotel room and cone heads. Yeah.
Instead of doing that weird shit in a public park. Yeah, that's like...
I don't know why it's really gross. It's so much worse than sex.
It's so much worse than sex. Getting married at 20 and pressing foreheads together is so much worse than having sex one time.
Yeah, I guess so. Yes.
At the same time, good for them. No, fuck them.
No one should be getting married at 20 years old. No, that like i understand why you do and i understand that people do it and it's really not disparaging i'm just saying just straight up as a now a 40 year old you get off on slapping foreheads and holding hands do whatever the fuck it's good i think it's good for you i think it's fine yeah you shouldn't if you are getting off though you shouldn't get off in front of other people no i mean if that's your if that is your sex it should be behind a fucking closed door anyway yeah because again i just don't need you guys doing my chair is worse than the falconer you know what's funny i sort of do too only just because the falconer put it on yes he should not have posted it.
No. The thing about the Falconer that saves it all is his own accepting attitude, is how Italian he is about it.
Yeah. That's what saves that story is the fact that he's not only not ashamed, but just so happy at how well his penis looks that he wanted to show the world and he was just proud of it and he got he

took it he took accountability he saved up for it and he and he bought it but these are the people

these guys pressing four heads together are the same people that are making like supreme court

decisions so yes so that's the thing that's what we're talking about here this is the problem is

that if you can't put p and v he's you know we know he's you know he's being dirty now but i'm

just saying these are the type of people where they come this is what we're looking at evangelical

I'm not supposed to run. The country unites its America when we are proudly built on war? Yes.
All right? We are proudly built on bloodshed, and I won't have you deny it. You fucking dirty-ass Christians.
Yeah. You fucking Christians, man.
So much worse than this. We're coming for you.
We're going to put your pants down. I'd rather you openly buttfuck aaway.
Yeah. There you go.
We ended strong today. We really did.
Really, really did. What a day it was.
We got a lot of messaging in there. I think that everybody who's heard us is more inspired.
So in two days, if you want to hear more of this, we're going to be at the Ryman Auditorium. You bet you dirty fucks.
That is March 14th in Nashville, Tennessee. And I am going to love being in Nashville.
I'm going to live the Nashville lifestyle going down there. I'm going to get some way too hot for me chicken.
You are going to get the chicken. I don't know yet.
I haven't decided. I want to eat good.
Honestly, if you... Let's get the chicken on Saturday, the day after the show, so we don't have to worry about being sick.
Could someone send me an email of what's like a good sleeper

thing we should check out in Nashville on Saturday

while we're in town? There's a good restaurant we should

head up because I am just fucking... I'm already

hungry thinking about Nashville. Yeah, no, I

love eating there. It's one of

the good towns for that. And then we're going to get our

German food on Sunday in Huntsville.

That is March 16th. Henry and I

are doing a special side stories in Huntsville. It's going to be a blast.
I can't wait for it, man. I cannot wait.
Yeah, we're going to NASA. Well, we're not going to NASA, but we're going to go scream at the building.
Oh, yeah. And then we're going to talk about your hero, Werner Von Braun.
Oh, everybody's favorite American. We're going to have so much fun.
Come out to Huntsville. We are going to have

a fucking blast. Yeah, and then April 19th,

we're going to be in Detroit at the Masonic.

So make sure you check us out there. And then also

next week, I

am touring Florida.

That's right. On March 20th,

I'm in Jacksonville. March 21st

and 22nd, I'm in Panama City

Beach. And on March 23rd, I'm in

Tallahassee with Danny Bedrosian. It's going to be amazing.
I got our boy Evan Rossi opening up for me. We're going to have a shit ton of fun.
I got... I'm doing an hour of Florida jokes.
Yes, it is good. You have developed this whole act.
Yes, yes. So this is a lot of Florida specific material.
You're not going to see anything like this. Come and check it out and then Henry and I are going to be in Florida in May but we'll talk about that down the road but right now March 20th Jacksonville 21st and 22nd Panama City Beach and the 23rd I'll be in Tallahassee Florida.
Come check all that shit out. You love it.
You animals. Yes.
Yes. And we will laugh our way won't we we? Yeah.
Go and get those tickets. We'll see you soon, you fuckers.
Hail Satan. Hail breastfeeding.
Please. Hail it.
From the boogie down streets of Queens to a pile of beans A new cup of piping hot.

Polish-Italian Java.

Last podcast on the left.

And Spring Hill Jack Coffee are rising from the rubble.

With the new brew.

Butterfly dudes.

Blue eye blend.

Nothing to do with any moth-based entity.

Don't even think about it. This is a butterfly dude.
Don't mind the blue eyes. He's just Caucasian.
Our new proprietary roast might seem eerily similar, but don't let your tongue deceive you. It's a Butterfly Dude roast.
This is the Butterfly Dude's Blue Eye Blend. Entirely delicious and not just the same themes.
Butterfly Dude's Blue Eye Blend. Entirely delicious.
And not just the same things. Butterfly Dude's Blue Eye Blend.
From the cocoon to your room. What's poppin', listeners? I'm Lacey Mosley, host of the podcast Scam Goddess, the show that's an ode to fraud and all those who practice it each week i talk with very special guests about the scammiest scammers of all time want to know about the fake errors we got them what about a career con man we've got them too guys that will whine and dine you and then steal all your Oh, you know they are represented because representation matters.

I'm joined by guests like Nicole Byer,

Ira Madison III, Conan O'Brien, and more.

Join the congregation and listen to Scam Goddess

wherever you get your podcasts.