Side Stories: Slide Stories

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Side stories?

That's when the cannibalism started.

Side stories. Yes.

No more tears.

We're in. We're recording.
We'll start getting in there. We'll start it, you know.
How you doing, big man? I just feel like the people. I'm sorry.
Normal man.

No, I'm big.

I'm big. Here, feel me.
Would you not say I'm thicker than I was? No, not my hand. I want to tell you.
No, not my, not the palms of my hand. Feel my shoulder.
Feel this. Okay.

Do you feel, does it feel thicker than it was? I don't guess it's been a while since I rubbed it. No, sure.
Feel the back of it. I mean, it is.
Actually, you know what?

There's a bunch of muscle there. I'm starting to get there.
As much as I wanted to just call you fat, there's muscle there. I'm starting to fill out the sections of me that were once hollow.

I think as a Polak.

I'm a Polak as well. Yes.

The back grows.

The back gets big. My problem is.

Why is that, you think? I lift weights. No, but I know that.
You don't know that, but I'm saying Polaks. Why do we all have big backs? All I know is

I can't get cut, right? Like when I'm lifting a weight, you don't have a cut. You'll look weird.
I would look. Imagine if I look at Alex Jones.
I would look like, what's his name?

Al Roker. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like a bunch of plastic bags just strapped to a pole. No, yeah, no.
You don't look good cut.

No, what I'm trying to do is just get big, but the more I work out, the more I look like a giant Balkan man on a farm. Yeah.
Right? The idea that Polish people have big backs is a horrible stereotype.

For who? I never heard that stereotype. Yeah, exactly.
I just say it because I know it. Yeah, because that's our lives.
That's the fucking big back life that we live. Is that way?

Holden McNeely's British and Irish as all hell, and he couldn't fit in that fucking tube. Oh, my God.
Welcome to Side Stories. My name is Henry Zaprowski.
I'm sitting here with Ed Larson.

What's the tube? I just wanted to...

We came back from our... Surprise, we were on break.
Yeah, we were on break. I didn't want to tell you.

Yeah, Henry said we're going to keep it a secret for them because they won't stop listening if they don't know. And then guess what? They stopped listening.

It's how it happens because you guys sensed it. But we're back from break.
And so just quick, before we get into the side stories of it all, I was at the Wisconsin Dells.

And I don't know if anybody's been to the Wisconsin Dells, but it is. It's as modern as the computer Dells.
Yes, it is.

I want to say that the Dells are where like Tim Waltz's son would go. You know what I mean? Like it's a the

exactly where Tim Waltz is. Well, he has a daughter, I think.
The moneyed working people of Wisconsin. It's a burger culture.
They go. to the Dells to relax.
It is considered the chang

of central Wisconsin.

Like the way I talked about it, when I taught, when I told Gurney, who's from that part of the world, that that's where we were going for our break, she was like, don't worry about paying me this week.

You're going to need it. You're going to need that, which is also hysterical because nothing made me feel more like the fucking sheik of Saudi Arabia than being in the Dells.
It was so cheap.

It was wonderful. So just say that, if you're from the coast and you want to feel like a millionaire, go to the Dells.
It's fucking amazing. But

so there's a part of this whole ritual, which I didn't know. So the people of Wisconsin, they're big.
Yeah.

Thick. Women are beautiful.
Yeah.

It's the men, men get big. And when we were in the Dells.
It's sad big. It's no, you know what? It's working big.

These are men that work hard enough to be muscular, but drink enough and eat enough to still be fat. Oh, yeah, no, these are definitely like people who can carry a refrigerator on their back.

Yes, they're strong, right? But so they had to monitor these slides. So, just for those that don't know, we went to this place called, I believe it was the Wilderness Resort.

It is a, the, they are the nation's largest interconnected water park systems, right?

You go to these places, it's indoor water parks, outdoor water parks, like, and lots of slides, all this type of shit, right? The thing I don't like,

I don't necessarily like any bit of this, but I went with a family. Yeah.

I went with Holden's family. And it was really nice to see that joy inside of a child.
Yeah. And watch the child have a good time.
Winnie had a temper tantrum.

And then I had a temper tantrum. And we went back and forth.
And we

catered to the family. Winnie does it.
But when you do it, it ends the day. Yeah, everybody gets upset.
But no, I did very good. I had edibles, right? So I just ate a lot of edibles.

And there was a point where when you do these slides. Yeah, the joints don't go too well at the water park.
Everybody gets angry. Also,

I want to talk quickly in Wisconsin. All right.
I want to know this. Side stories, L-P-O-T-L-G-Mail.com.
Settle a debate within my family before I continue the story. We went to a liquor store.

Holden and I were in the liquor store. We start up a conversation with the man behind the counter.
He was congenial to us. We were laughing quite a bit about, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And then he said something along the lines of the man behind the counter, oh, well, I'm sober. I don't drink alcohol anymore.
And I was like, huh, I bet you guys hate that Delta 9 out here.

You know, you got that Delta 9 weed that's free, legal weed, right? And he was like, yeah, I wish, you know, that Delta 9's fine, but, you know, whatever.

And I was like, I bet you guys wish you had that free weed, the real weed. And he's like, oh, yeah, of course.
Yeah. That would be amazing.

And I was like, you know what I've discovered with a lot of these Delta 9 places is that when you go in them and you go up to the counter and you ask the

young person at the counter and say, this is all great. Do you have any real weed? A lot of times they'll just sell it to you.
Yeah. Oh, is that what happened? Good, no.

So I just said that to him. And I was like, is there any place

that might be like that hip here? Yeah. Yeah.
And he was like, weed is criminalized in the state of Wisconsin.

It is completely illegal to sell. Like, he hit me like.
You're a huge mustache. You look like a cop.
But look at me. I have like a fucking tie-dye shirt.
I'm just going to go to the other cover.

I've been arrested by a man with a beard and a tie-dye shirt. I'm the coolest guy in the world.

Is this really just what wrestling cop face is doing to me yeah that's exactly what it is you're like hey brother i i

i was desperate for weeds you should have dude that's just no i was being straight up i was being matter of fact i told you to just bring it It's hard. I didn't want to bring it in between.

You're such a scaredy baby. I am.

Well, go back to my. So I am.

I normally do it. I normally go because normally I kind of find it.

Normally, I just go into places and I just say stuff like weed.

And like people

will put me talking. The bartenders are where you go.
He was the bartender. They're not a bartender.
It's a liquor store. That's a much different situation.
He can get a lot of trouble.

He's going to lose his fucking license. That's finality with that.
Bartender, it doesn't matter. I was like, I've never heard of a liquor store

clerk with any form of adherence to the rules. There are certain rules in the Midwest that you can't fuck with.
I guess so. That's like marrying another man.

Hey, it's getting gay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I saw several big, ugly gays at the Dallas, and I was like, you know, I was like, that's progress. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

There are some really good gay bars in Wisconsin. Oh, I bet.
Have you been to the Big Suck? I've been to Sheboygan. I went to a gay bar in Sheboygan.
Yes, but it puts the boy in Sheboygan.

Shimanigan.

I went to Sheboygan. Shimangan.

Shimangan.

No, I was there with Amber Nelson. It was really funny because the one good patch of like fit men.
Like there was, and she was like, oh, it's a man. Maybe I could go talk to some man.

And I was like, I went by and I overheard them. I was like.
They're the only gay people here.

Those fit men are all homosexual and together.

I remember the one time I went, I was at a wedding in Wisconsin. I was with, I was Adam Wurtz and Sam Wertz's wedding.
Yes, I remember. And then we broke off.
He was with you, Kissel.

A couple other people went to the same place. Yeah, we broke off because there was no booze at the wedding.
And then we broke off and we went to this bar because they were playing football.

And we're like there for like 20 minutes. Like, this place is really nice.
Everybody loves us here. A lot of good guys.
Guys just hanging out, playing for dominoes.

I was like, this is crazy. And then it was like, we were there for half an hour.
It's like, it's a gay bar.

It's nice, though. In Wisconsin,

you can be gay and straight. Yeah, you know what? The best part of gay bars is there's not some chick telling you to leave.

And I will say also, we know what Wisconsin also taught me about my own body. I'm the truly androgynous one.
Yeah.

I know a lot of people say something like an Eddie Redmain or a David Bowie, you know, Youngblood are all of our favorites. Yeah.

That they're more of like an androgynous style because they're a beautiful man, but I

am both covered in hair and have huge tits. Yeah.
So I got both. You're there.
I'm in.

I am technically more androgynous than either of them yeah than any one of those guys if you pound for pound and tit me if you wanted to fuck the shit out of my tits yeah you could shave me up and get a hold of that yeah you really could yes and so but to finish the story so we're at the slides so winnie i was there with holden his lovely wife and his lovely daughter natalie and amber

So they were watching. Winnie, filled with life, so excited for the slides, could only go on one.
All of the other slides scared her, so she couldn't do it.

But her father wanted to show her something. And I actually, it made me for the very first time look at Holden McNeely like he was a father.
Oh.

Because he... I still haven't done that.
Exactly. It's hard to.
Yeah. But the way he nutted up for his own daughter, because his daughter was like, I don't know if daddy wants to go on the big swide.

Technically, she's here because he nutted up. Exactly.
Nutted in.

Nutted out.

But it was like, she was like, daddy, dude, it's going to go on the big swide. And he was like, I don't know.
I don't know, honey, if I should.

And we're all like, you know, sounds like Winnie wants to see you go on the super big, crazy slide.

There was one big, crazy slide that had a direct drop down from the top. Right.
And he was just like, oh, August. And I was like, and I'm filming it for content.

So you got to go do it for your daughter. And so he was just like, all right.

She's the man who buys the Airbnb. You get to say that.
That's literally what I did. And I was just like, you're going to eat.
So he then proceeded to eat a gigantic burger. You see, the video? Yes.

He proceeded to a gigantic burger, and he was like, oh, Curry, Chris Marico. And what they do on the slides in Wisconsin is because they have to be, I guess, legally capable, culpable,

there's a scale that you have to step on that just goes red light, green light about whether or not you can go through the slide.

This is the weight. So this slide.
Did I tell you the weight that the red light comes on at? All of the rest of them didn't. But this one said 250.
Okay. Right?

Because the big boys were doing it, but I was seeing big boys not make it. It was a giant loop, right? And we were seeing boys get halfway through and then sliding back.
And what happens?

Do they got to blow on it real hard or something? They have to literally... There's a fatty

crevice, right? There's a clutch. It's like

emergency release.

There is three release ports.

One is if you don't make it through the tube, you slide into this other thing, and then they have to open it up, and then you can stand out of it. There's also two in the loop itself.

In case you're so fat, you move so fast, but you then get stuck in the tube, which has happened according to the employees, and then they get something like a hook, like one of those animals that they think they use to move dogs around, and they pull you out of a hatch.

Oh, yeah, there he is, leaving disgrace. So he walks up,

he is waiting, he waits online for a half an hour. His daughter's just calling like, daddy, daddy, daddy.
And he gets to the top of this tower. And when he steps on the scale and it goes red,

nothing has made me laugh harder. Oh, you love it.
It added years of my life.

I tell you what, man, this is going to be good for him because this really turned my life around because they wouldn't let me on the Harry Potter ride at Universal because I was too fat. Yeah.

And I was like, you know what? I'm going on this fucking ride. I lost 30 pounds.
I rode that ride. It was great.

I mean, Holden, then the first thing he came up to me this morning, because he knew we were going to be doing side stories. And he came up to me and he's like, I was only four pounds too heavy.

Yeah, and I was like, But it's those are crucial, those are four crucial ass pounds. Yeah, and I guess what? Guess what? I also don't want you doing it.

I guess you're five pounds too heavy because 250, 251, 252, 253, 254. Exactly.
So you're five pounds too heavy. But also, not to be an asshole.
Why are we if we're quibbling over pounds?

Yeah, like if we're quibbling over, like, maybe I could like take my shirt off. Like, if we're quibbling in that area, maybe don't do it.
Yeah, I would say you need a 10-pound grace area. Yeah.

That's me.

That's me. But that's just one story.
Then Natalie got Burley. Yeah, that's top story on Slide Story.
That's why he's a top story. Top story, Holden's too fat for his slide.

That's one of my favorite things. The fattest state in America.

Told Holden he's too fast. Slide stories.
Pretty fucking great. Slide stories.
He did a really good job. But I will say he did it for his daughter.
And in the end.

I mean, he didn't do it for his daughter. Well, now maybe he'll do what he does need to do for his daughter.
Stay alive. Yep.
And take a look at his health.

But at the same time, nothing made smoking look prettier than whiskets. Remember when Holden was the thinnest person we knew?

I always will want to hold that over him the rest of his life.

All right, so we do got some stories. That's like, and then, so thank you to everybody.
And Ian, who served us at the Dells, who's a listener. He did incredible work.
And I will say... He did.

He was a server. Oh, he just gives you Spotted Cow? He just brought me Spotted Cow, yeah.
Which is, he just brings you Holden.

Yeah, baby. Lumpy cow.
Yeah, Spotted Cow, New Glorus Beer. Get something.
I had so much.

I was so proud of me and Holden because we killed a case of 24, just me and him. Oh, I fucking.
Over two days. That's great.
Yeah, it was pretty great. Old Finn.

And then, you know what's great? More Spotted Cow you drink, quieter the family gets. They really do.
They just go away. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, time, you know, they go to sleep.

Also in the Dells, what I think is really funny is that you could definitely see children having the best summer of of their lives.

And you can also see the summer where the child can no longer be fun with the family anymore. Oh, yeah, no, no, no, where they need to go away.
Yeah, well, it's because the fathers become a nightmare.

I've watched many fathers become nightmares.

That's a father's job. Father's job is either be a nightmare in order to inspire a child to be better or be non-existent.
Yeah. I went to Cincinnati.
Thank you. Shout out to everyone in Cincinnati.

Great time.

My show was great. Sold out.
Reed Faylor, Travis Irvine, all did great.

Shout out to Bombs Away Comedy. Go check out their shit.
But I will say, shout out to everybody in Cincinnati for going and buying that goddamn ham salad. Sold out again.
You sold out the goddamn ham.

Sold out the ham salad again over at Bridgetown Meets. And these poor guys are all like, what's the formula?

Like,

just sitting here,

why is something, you know, for months the ham salad just congeals and sits and gets solid.

And then once every six months. Shout out to all you people who listen to me and get that ham salad.
Fuck chicken, fuck eggs, fuck turkey, ham, ham salad. I'm proud of everybody in Cincinnati.

Porkopolis, they call it. I know.

And it's not just because of the first lady.

It is because they like their meat there. Oh, and we are aware that the Cleveland show

was canceled. Yes, but it is because the venue shut down.
It's got nothing to do with us. No, but we are looking forward.
We are having...

There is going to be a replacement show same weekend, and that is being finalized as we record.

We're working on it. So hold on your tickets unless they refunded them.
But just keep it here out.

We are replacing the show, though.

All right, let's get to some updates. The Burbank butt sniffer.
It's back in the news. I mean it.
We did that episode. Yeah.
I want to say, I think it was the next day. Yeah.

When the next day, he got arrested again. Very soon.
Khalees Karen Crowder loves the smell of a butt so much that he cannot help himself to the point where it brings him to the point of criminality.

He has now been arrested at least twice for inappropriate behavior, allegedly sniffing women's behinds. Yeah.
Different businesses in Burbank.

I know the last time we saw it, it was at a bookstore, which we said that was specifically technically savvy butt sniffing. Yes.
Yeah, it's a good place to do it.

That's a place if you were a butt sniffer and you were looking for the perfect place to do it. It's that.
This one, though, this one, why is the okay.

He got arrested doing it at a Walgreens. Oh, no.
Why does that gross me out? And the bookstore doesn't gross me out as much. Well, it's because everyone's sick at Walgreens.

Do you think they had to change the name to Wal Browns? Come on.

That's only if he was smelling shit. Yeah, was he in the stomach like flu section? Oh, God.
It just...

I don't know. He got arrested again.
They don't know what to do. He's a registered sex offender.
They now have taken his parole away.

So he's no longer on parole, but I don't even know what that means.

What do you mean? They took his parole away? Yes. So he was rewarded? I think he was out on parole.
No, he was out on parole. So I think that now he's about to do some form of prison.

I mean, I don't know if it can be serious time. Because it's still like, it's what we discussed, what we were talking about when this story originally came out.
It was officially assault. Well,

he still didn't touch anybody. Yeah, but he is

on this. Like, now it's like, you know, you sniff butts.
We know you sniff butts. You can't sniff butts anymore.
Remember, we had the lawyer write in. Yeah.

Say they could do like specific things for specific people. They're going to have to write that in for him because obviously he cannot quit.
He is too legit. He loves to smell that fucking butt.

I think because he has done actual like things besides just sniffing butts. Yeah.
Anything that he does that is any somewhat similar, he can now be charged for

a strong breeze and there's a butt near you, you have to leave, sir. You can't collect the butt juices just like a Rottweiler driving down the street with his head out of the pickup.

I'm like, man, just become a janitor. Become a plumber.
Get in that. You like shit.
You like dookie? You get in there, man.

You know how many times they say do what you love and you never work a day in your life, but then it turns out it's all work. Yeah, this is his free time.
You're right. Don't let him monetize.

This is how he cuts loose. Don't make him monetize another habit.
Yeah. All right, this is his fun.

Let him have this. But no, he's.
He's still taking it from him. No, good.
It's probably good. What you should do is take out his sniff glands.
Take away the whole sense.

He needs an iron mask on his nose. Oh, yeah.
Like a clothespin with a fucking like chastity belt clothespin. Yeah, with a combination

that only the sheriff knows. I was getting trouble.

Can you just tell me?

Can you tell me if this this broccoli is bad?

I can't tell. I can't tell anymore.
I'm legally not allowed to smell anymore.

There's that story because then I got into this whole thing for some reason. Have you heard about virgin boy eggs? Oh, is it in China where they cook them in piss?

What they do is they get the piss from virgin boys. They go to elementary schools and they collect the piss.
They talked about this on Roundtable back in the day.

Yeah, but it's still a thing, very much so in 2025.

I just watched a whole special on like a couple of minutes long story about a guy who's still selling steaming virgin boy eggs where they say that it like allows you to be like you get some kind of constitutional like thing from it.

It's from Dongyang. You know what's even more disgusting than this, Henry? Virgin Manpiss because those guys are fucking gross.
Those guys. Virgin Manpiss.
Yeah, why is that worse?

Well, because they're gross people, but they can't get laid. But virgin's sitting on their balls all day cooking them.
You're like, they're eggs. Speaking of eggs, you know,

that virgin man piss, they're all like 600 pounds, you know. They got a bad person.
They drink some of them are extremely skinny. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Some virgin men.
Yeah,

some of them are very, very, very skinny. Yeah.
But yeah, there's some of it. It's the collecting of it.
Yeah, you've never heard of it? You never heard us? It's the guy.

You know who I don't want to meet? It's the guy that has to go around collecting it. Yeah.

Let me say, hey, let me ask your boy. Your boy there is attractive.
Has he had sex yet? Emmy.

this.

Has your boy had a quart of water yet this morning? Because I'm going to need that pee to be as clear as we can get it.

Children who have been raised in the city or used in the practice and believe and relieve themselves in basins that the vendors place in the hallways. And then they cook, they cook it up.

They just steam out the urine. And I guess what really made me, I was watching it, and I think that would really kind of make my stomach turn, was how brown the eggs are.
And how

urine is pissed, it changes colors. I also like it.
Like crabs. Like, crabs are usually blue and then they turn red.
Yeah, I actually kind of wondered in a way, yeah, I don't like the color of them.

And I just feel like, yeah, kids just need to be drinking more water in Dongyang. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, because

it looks like Mickey Rourke's morning. Yeah.

That's what that egg looks like. It's great that the town's called Dong.

No, it is not lost on me, Eddie.

It is not lost on me, that sweet, sweet cosmic joke.

It is out there. And the smell of bubbling virgin boy boy pisses everywhere.
That's how you know you've reached the city limits of Donga. Oh my God.

What if a kid was like, actually, I've had sex a lot.

Yeah, I was molested just so you couldn't take my piss.

Wow.

Wow. We're all trying to stop the piss eggs first.

And then we're going to stop the molestations. First, the molestations stop the piss eggs.
Then the molestations can stop.

So these virgin boy piss eggs. Now, these things,

are they just saltier? Is that what it is? I don't know, Eddie. If the boy's diabetic, are they sweeter? I don't know, you know? I've never

asked them. I'm looking at a bunch of vitamin B.

No Chinese man will answer me.

No Chinese man I can get a hold of will answer me. This guy's liking it.
No, he's not. He's eating an egg and he looks confused and he looks sad.

You would have to literally put a gun in my mouth with the egg. He doesn't like it.
Yeah, obviously.

I like it. No, it's

collected piss. It's not good.
He got it to eat it for a YouTube video. Guess what, dude? You don't need to buy half a dozen.
Well, I feel like... You can't just get one.
Maybe the guy said,

you buy one, you buy six. Yeah, yeah.
Get these off of my

bowl. I guess.

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I also feel like now that we went into that disgusting territory for no reason, I don't know if I should go into all of the stories that we received.

Well, I think with the butt sniffer, it really does relate. Like, why is this guy so active? We got 49 emails from women telling us how big their shits are.
Last week, before we did the

episode, I asked for more stories after we covered the very cute woman that actually made the plane. Like, we hate it when you talk about shit.
And then we get 49 emails.

I didn't know what to say about this. That's like, these are my shit stories.
So many stories of what we said were traditionally skinny women talking about their bowel movements. Yeah.

And man, oh man, did Joel have to really deal with that? I love it. Every chick's like 5'6, 120.

Always skipping their measurements. I love it.

There's a lot of good ones here.

This woman said she had dug a cat hole after hiking. She was several months hitting 20 miles a day.

She ate a bunch of super kind of processed food. And then one time they had to go to, she had to go to Bathroom Real Valve.
Well, when you're hiking, it's all nuts. Oh, God.

It's all you're eating.

And and leaves yeah and there's all these bars and drinking stream water something about the woods that makes me want to fucking dump everybody says this i'll never go i dug a cat hole which was probably six inches deep 18 inches long i squatted i pooped no joke this shit made it from the back of the hole to the end of the hole continuing on for other several inches probably a two-foot long turd

that was from one young lady that's cool good for her

this woman talks about her own fart made her shit

Well, I mean, that's natural.

Everyone's farts make them shit. Not all the time.
Sometimes my fart.

Sometimes just a fart. But yeah, of course, not all the time.
But you really got to be delicate with it. Man, I remember one time it was all my friends were playing,

what was the game that everyone? Paintball. Everyone loved playing paintball in the woods.
I love it. And they finally talked me into playing paintball.
And I'm not a paintball guy, you know?

And so I'm like, I don't like running around. It's in the middle of college and stuff.
So I'm like, all right, if I'm going to run around all day, I guess I should take some vitamins.

So I ate ate a bunch of vitamins like an idiot. And then I went out and played paintball with my friends.
And then all of a sudden, you know, the vitamins are like, oh, what are the what?

My body's like, what are vitamins? And so I just had to take the biggest shit of my life in the middle of the woods. And I'm sitting there fucking shitting in the woods.

And everyone's shooting me with paintballs because I got shitty friends at the time. Never went back.
Bad time. Anyway, what were you saying? I hate the woods.

I'm with you. I hate the woods.
There are no restaurants there.

And so I'll never go. All right, let's get to some stories.
Skinny woman fat shit. Yeah, we did enough.
I weigh 120 pounds. Let's talk about my huge shit experience.

I feel like we didn't get to any stories. We had an underground bar in Orlando.
We've been doing like 40 minutes. Drinking long Allen iced.
I think we should.

Let's do some stories and then we'll get back to this.

So first of all, I want to talk about some doctors having fun. Oh, doctors need to have a good time.
They don't. It's got to be a depressing job.

The problem is that every single time doctors have, I feel like when doctors do have a good time, it's like at the expense of the rest of humanity. Yes.
Sometimes.

Patch Adams. He was having a great time.
Healed no one.

It saved not a single life. Whatever happened to Robin Williams?

I don't know. That's my favorite.
Where are they now?

Will Robin Williams break his silence on his own suicide?

That's my favorite. Everything's break silence these days.
Everything's break silence. That's just his birthday.
Yep.

It was just his birthday. Suicide Leo.
Makes sense. Wow, he's been dead for 11 years.
Yes. Time has flung.
That was almost his death day. Almost kind of both.
Yeah, yeah. All of it together.

Yeah, he was the, I think he was a Gemini or something. You died in Paradise City, huh? No.

Oh, Paradise K.

Okay, okay, all right, all right. Now, that's not as fun.
Doctors are doctors out there, you know, they say, I don't like a funny doctor. I don't like a doctor having fun.

And this is kind of the reason why it's one of these guys. This guy that got, we've been hit up about the story quite a bit.
Okay. We first covered this a long time ago.

This is the one, I didn't, this is the one story I didn't read, so please.

This is a good, technically this is an update, but it seems that he's fine now.

I believe they got him now. I think the main issue was on insurance fraud that they were looking on.
This is a guy by the name of Neil Hopper, which is hilarious. He's from Truro, Cornwall.

This is in UK.

He carried out hundreds of amputations as a doctor,

literally the operations, until he wanted to get his own legs removed for sexual purposes in 2019.

Now, this guy. He's talking about loving what you do.
This guy said he had a sexual interest in amputations.

He said that what he did to himself. So now what we found out is that he lied to insurance saying, you got to chop my legs off because I've got sepsis.

Now he knows. Yes.
He's saying that he had had an injury to his legs

and that he essentially thought he had sepsis and he had to get his legs taken off and the way he did that was that he used dry ice to freeze his own legs so that they had to be removed.

Okay, so this guy's fucked up in his own way. And now we know that he cut his own legs off for his own sexual purposes.
He said that he felt that his feet were extra.

Yeah, he said that his motivations are a combination of obsession. He looks so happy.
Oh, yes. And he said that he had problems with his feet.
That's what he said.

That he was uh and he was caught with extreme pornography as well that was a part of this when he got arrested for the insurance fraud because he said that he got it paid for that was the whole thing is he got the procedure paid for and they found him with this extreme amputee pornography which i still don't quite understand what it is side stories lpotl at gmail.com is it you just jerk off to nothing if it well this is my question is it the act of just sawing legs off is that what this guy likes or is this guy because i think he likes nubs?

The worst part about Hopper, first of all, because his name is hilarious. That's hilarious.
He's got no feet.

His name should have been Bobber

for what he does when you throw him in the fucking water. Crawler.

Mr. Crawlers, right? He said that his feet were an unwelcome extra, a persisting, never-ending discomfort to him.

And I'm just going to go ahead and say there, I know that this is not about king shamming. This is about life in general.
Feet,

super crucial. Yeah, if you have three feet, we can call that extra.
Extra.

And because you know what, all the guys I know that either can't use their feet anymore or who had to lose their feet, yeah, super miss their feet. My dad was so mad when he lost his feet.

You know, exactly, because there was no chip on that. You can't go to findmyfeet.com.
I think my dad looked at his nubs and jerked off once. This guy, every day, Dr.

Hopper gets up and looks at his nubs and goes,

Hopper, get it. And I feel like I might be jealous of his

child happiness. Yeah.
I mean, now he's getting sued across the board by every single one of his patients being like, was my amputation necessary?

That's the main thing now, too, is that they are coming for the hospital. He's corny for it.
Yeah. And he showed up to work at his.

Like, this is a good quick thing about this as a question for all of us. You know, Eddie, I come to work.
Okay.

You happen to find find pornography on my laptop playing of naked men doing podcasts. Okay.
Right?

And that's like... That happens in the building.
Yes. Okay.
You see this pornography. Now, is this a part of the

room in the building?

Where we're working. Let's say it's where you and I are working.
I've kept it away from the employees. Okay, yeah.
We're in our writer's room. Now, does it mean something that I'm here doing it?

Now you know I'm horny at work. Yeah.
Doing the job. Yes.

Does it make it worse? Yeah, it makes it a little worse, I guess. Like if a surgeon, like, I guess that's my comment.
Obviously, I'm not a kid. I'm a comedian, so it's different.

I want you to be happy. You know, there is that.
But if a guy that does amputation, a guy who does amputations is a surgeon, he's jerking off at amputation videos at work. Is that him getting

revved up for work? Seems like he might know more about it than other people.

Or is he,

this my question?

If you come, or is it like a

studying? Or is this another world? Can you jerk off to algebra? I don't know. Is this another world where does he come and care less, or does he come and care more?

Like, this is my problem, too, is that if he hasn't come yet, is the act of the amputation so exciting that he's really dialed in?

But if he's come already, is it like when you've masturbated and you haven't yet told your wife yet that you were not maybe have sex that evening because you've masturbated and then you're not as in maybe you're just hard it's just like a harder process you think he goes like oh

i just came to all my oh i love my uh knee suckers for what four and five was he jerking off at work if he wasn't jerking off at work

you know it's like does a porno it's a doctor though it is a doctor i guess that's what's really holding me up here i think that hello Hello! Look at me! Oh, look at me, half-lights!

Look at, aren't they? Absolutely sexiest snobs you've ever seen. Yeah.
Oh, there's the sexiest snobs you've ever seen, doctor. I see, here's the thing.

If he's horny for it,

he's gonna do a better job. I don't know.
Or is he distracted? If I show up for my amputation surgery and the doctor has two amputated legs, I'm probably like...

He knows what he's doing. I'm not only the president, I'm also a client.
Yeah, exactly. But did he be super, but also, it's weird to be super happy about it, though.
It's the look on his face.

I mean, that's so much what people need. No.
To see someone happy about not having legs, you're losing your legs. You're going to be very depressed.
This guy's having a great time.

I want to see somebody happy.

We're going in the brighter side territory. Yeah, I know what you're saying, but I don't want the brighter side to just be, I don't have legs anymore.

Like, it should be: this is a person overcoming adversity, a great attitude despite if you're objectively happy about losing your feet

That's like fuck that's like fucked up feet just like the bottom of all of us. Yeah, our interaction with the world begins with our feet.
Well, it's not everybody but you know people who have feet.

Yeah, I'm just saying and everybody that's born without feet Yeah, are super like, god damn, I wish I had feet. Yeah.
And I know I'm not saying Little Mermaid is a whole movie about it.

It's a whole movie begging for feet. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, and so this idea that you would be, I don't think, I guess I get it.

I guess it gets it's fine if you're cool with it after, but this idea of you're just being like

rock hot.

Yes, now you see me out of that. Ross hairs, you can see, I don't know which, which, to which nub you're referring.
By sexual nub.

I just don't know. Just like the idea of making them or the idea of if it's just stumps, do you think stumps are sexy well this overview on uh wikipedia kind of

explains it a little bit acrotomophiles may be attracted to amputees because they like the way that they look or they may view the amputee's stump as a phallic object which can be used for sexual pleasure but anything could be that's an elbow acrotomy if it's a knee a normal knee yeah

yeah

yeah but they it's not as hot

you can't really stick a knee in someone's yeah you can i'm i'm more turned on by a nub than a knee look at this hey natla come here

come here you could definitely jerk someone off with the back of your knee that's weird it certainly you know i didn't say it wasn't weird i just said it could happen i have

i have no problems with any of this i just think that the man is unreasonably happy he is sad now that he did lie to insurance yes is that what the story is that he's like he got in trouble for insurance fraud that's the thing is that he faked it by torturing his own legs He so he just paid for it.

I think it's hard. Yeah.

Can you do that? Can you be like, hey, I want my arms gone? I bet. Can you just show up to the doctor? You're like, yeah, a little off the side.
Side stories, lpotl at gmail.com.

I bet you could find a guy. Of course, you could find a guy.
I can find a guy for anything. We go down to Mexico way.
Yeah. And we go down there and we find a guy.

I bet you we can, as long as you have. I'm sick of these feet.
I want them gone. They're abstract.
I'm turned on by nubs. I got to have them rid of my feet.
Give me nubs. Put my feet on my hand.

It has to be legal. I guess, but I do think, I guess if it's consensual, it's consenting.
You would just just have to foot the bill. I just think that also

removing

torso the bill. Thank you.
You have to remove. I think it's very dangerous to remove.

I think you just can't find a doctor who will do it because they'll basically get, they won't be a doctor anymore if they just cut your foot off. That's what they say.
It's do no harm.

But if the guy's like, but my feet are bullying me. Why not? While not illegal for an individual to request a surgeon will not perform the amputation of a healthy foot without a clear medical reason.

But you could find a guy that would do it. You could find find a guy that used to be a surgeon that was fired from being a surgeon.
Technically, very much so. You can find somebody.
And I bet you.

If you know their first name. If you know,

like, if you know Steven and he used to be a surgeon and then he got canceled on the internet and he can't be a surgeon anymore, he can do that and he will do it for 20 grand. Yeah.

I bet he'd do it for less.

But you want to make sure you live. That's the thing.
It's got to look good. If you're getting turned on by it, your numbs got to be a good one.
Fast, good, or cheap. Yeah.
Choose two.

Yeah, that's the thing. Fast, good, or cheap.
Yep. So, yeah, I guess good for him.
He's a nub with himself.

I just, he also apparently got some money from doing it. He apparently got a little bit of money.
I just, he's what do you mean he got oh, he got money from insurance. Oh, well, that's the thing.

He's defrauding, you know. Yeah, yeah, obviously.
Insurance is tough enough. That's part of the plan.
And the other one, this is another doctor story, Frédéric Peshier. Okay.
This is another one.

It's like doctors are just like fucked up, but I do.

I hate my fingers. Get rid of my fingers.
I love,

I know that on some level,

we have to figure out, we have to trust doctors, but they're also insane. Right.
So just remember they all got a God complex. Looks like a therapist, just like your physical therapist.

Anybody that's in that has to be like, they're slightly insane, but you kind of hope that their insanity will still help you. My brother-in-law is a heart surgeon.

I asked him if he ever broke anyone's chest plate while he was giving them CPR. And he's like, only when I want them to live.

this is like you're damn yeah well all right well you're nothing but that way you're the one who made it heavy

so but this guy Frédéric Pescher this is like a you ever see the movie Flatland this guy looks like a doctor he does look like a doctor he's like I don't feel like he could have any other job with a face and beard like that well he's about to be a prisoner oh no that's the next job he gets he's accused of poisoning 30 children and adult patients really 12 of whom died he worked as an anesthetist an anesthesis this makes a serial killer Basically,

he worked as an anesthetician. What we call, like, so his job was, I believe that's the term, right? The guy that it's all the anesthesia.
Anesthesiologist. I believe.
Anesthesiologist.

And so what he was doing is that he was poisoning them because he was trying to convince and show other people he could save people no matter what. So he was poisoning them.

killing them on the table and then bringing them back to life. Oh, with like a sleep pen or something?

No, like with CFL, something like that. Like with the Umer Thurman with Paul Fiction.
Oh, wow. Where they just do a, and so he's at this.
He's killed 12 people in the process of it.

And he does it for the thrill of it. If you want to kill one, you got to be like, hey, bro, you're not good at this.
But he was doing it to show, but he's like, oh, but I saved 18 of them. Yes.

That's literally what he's doing it.

That's still failing, technically, if you want to go by school grades. It's just interesting because it's kind of like a guy that tests NASCAR.

It's like a guy who tests NASCARs.

But it's, what if you get to test a NASCAR and and only the car dies? I mean, that sounds like fun. Exactly.
That's what he was doing.

It's in France as well.

Oh, it's France.

This is France. But France, they do have a socialist,

I believe they have like a socialist healthcare style

thing. So anybody can get their help.
So this guy was, yeah, he was playing French games. But, you know, again,

I know it's like fucked up that he killed people, but at least he wasn't collecting basins of virgin boy urine in order to boil a bunch of eggs in a public square. It's legal and people like it.

I don't know if they like it. I think they tolerate it.
It seems like no one's stopping it. If I've been talking about it for 10 years, it seems like everything, everyone's fine with it.

It goes up and down.

Those virgin boy eggs, that stock is going up and down. You wait because it's going to be how we are as we're going to be treating chickenpox in two years.

Don't worry. But this guy, yeah, he looked like a very responsible doctor, but no, he's a full thrill seeker.

He likes bringing people directly, directly to the edge of death and then kind of pushing them over to the side. Oh, man.
He's big, too. He looks like the star of fatliners.
Wow.

Come on, people. That's actually what actually happened to Holden.

He was fatlined

before going into the slot.

Got full 25 minutes making fun of my friend's weight.

An entire hit show used to just attack one man that the fam that even the listeners even barely know yeah yeah or like he does technically work for you he could probably sue you if he wants i could fire him yeah you could no fire because he's too fat to work it's california yeah i could weigh him i could weigh him and then decide if he's too fat to work i can do that

yeah yeah

this is no there's this is a right to work state

right so no no i honestly i'm really i'm proud of him i am proud of him he's gonna lose weight he's gonna look great. Yes, but he didn't kill people for thrills like this guy did.

No, he certainly did. But this guy, yeah, he just was a did these doctors are, do they scare me? And European doctors scare me.
Yeah. European doctors scare me more than any of the other doctors.
Why?

Because they get paid less. Yeah.

You know what it is about European doctors? They're always working on assassins for free. Every single time I see a movie,

it's always a European doctor. He's always working on some criminal for free.
Yeah. Once he comes here and he's like, oh shit, I got to do medical school again.

He was always putting on the joker's face.

He's always like reattaching somebody's hookhand. Cutting off someone's foot.
It's always that shit, dude. Mangala, European doctor.
European as all hell. Yeah.

He was born in Liederhosen.

You got some stories, Eddie? I do. I got a couple of water-based crimes.
Good.

It's not interesting as much as I feel like they'd spark some debate. So I wanted to talk about them.
The first one, I'm glad the guy got in trouble. The second one, I don't agree with.

And let's talk about it. So the first one's a Florida man was arrested after police say he intentionally set up sprinklers aimed at his disabled neighbors.

He drenched them twice a day for a year.

That's a long time for it to go. A year.
Unreported for some reason. It wasn't unreported.

They filmed him they had to like sting operation him to like make sure it happens the dad

basically this guy lives in ocala florida horrible ocala florida needs to go yeah yeah it tried to be nice and everyone's like no we can't be nice it is just if there's a place that makes winter park florida look nice yeah or any of the other sections between tampa and orlando look nice ocala is better than lake city wow i will say that that's disgusting even to think that yeah yeah ocala better than Lake City.

So, anyway, this guy lives in Ocala. His neighbors are disabled children and you know, their parents.
And the boss. Oh, they just don't group them up alone there.

They're not just in one city.

Could it could happen? It's Ocala. There could definitely be a hype house filled with kids with cancer making money for some energy drink company.
I can absolutely see that.

Being like, this gives me just enough zip to get back into chemo today.

Thanks. Thanks, Lightning Bolt Energy.

So basically the bus would stop at the driveway in front of his house and not their house because there was just a better ramp for the kids to get on the bus. Yeah, it was super fucking annoying.

And I get it, all the sounds of their wheels creaking in the afternoon is keeping me from watching my pornography. So he hated the fact that they used his driveway.
I get it, man.

They just, all they do is hang out, flipping their crutches everywhere, yelling at you, dropping their IV bags in your new car I'm sick of having these disabled kids fucking gunk up my hell the ramps yeah so he timed his sprinklers and aimed his sprinklers to go off when the kids went on the bus and got off the bus both two times a day these kids it got so bad that the father would wait and go with the children in like a poncho and a bathing suit and walk them this in the middle of winter

you know like they would do this shit and he would walk them to the bus and get soaked and there was nothing they could do and

There's no father of one of these disabled people went up to this man, dragged him from his home, and just started jumping. He's sitting in the house doing it through his cell phone.

Also, this guy looks shitty and he looks like a drunk and all this stuff, but he looks tough. He looks like he can throw down.

Hey, if he was tough, he'd be throwing water balloons at those kids in wheelchairs. That's a good point.
So, but anyway, this guy got caught and it is assault.

He got charged with

two assaults. and uh what am i gonna arrest what did i do wait is this a problem for me oh i just irrigated the children four counts of stalking i just i make the green maker

i thought that they were called vegetables for a reason

everybody why are you mad at me

so it was changed with four counts of stalking two counts of battery on a disabled person and two counts of battery he's in a lot of trouble in marion county uh florida and you know what Fuck this guy.

I'm glad he's in trouble. Second story.
Oh, yeah, dude. No, this guy's a piece of shit.
But I also just don't understand why nobody, why was there no,

there was a thing that called for village justice. Yes.
This is how, this is where Florida, especially, they have to do that. I mean, the cops are useless.
Yeah, the cops are just as bad as criminals.

You know, this went on. Yes, this is the Florida, in Florida, and

I'm sorry to say this. They let disabled children get sprayed twice a day for a year.
You're literally what stepped in. My father, before he died, was viciously attacked by a dog.

The guy

literally just north of Ocala, the cops could not give a fuck. What taught me is that if you're in Florida, you got to handle some of these things on your own.
Yes. Yeah.

That guy needs to get group beat. I mean, he will, I'm sure.
I'm sure in prison, he'll get group beat. Live from North Blade.
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All right, Raymond Cruz. You know who this guy is? You ever see, did you watch Breaking Bad? No.
Breaking Bad's great.

I made it through the first two seasons. It's good.
Tucco, the guy. He was like a crazy gangster.
He's in the first two seasons. Yes.
All right. This guy, you recognize him.

He's in a bunch of other movies. Training days.
I feel like the cops only arrested him because he's played so many villains.

Yeah, so he's washing his car in his front yard in Silver Lake out here in LA. And this chick is like bothering him.
This, like, is this girl, and he's bothering me. He's like, get out of here.

Are we going to get in trouble for being on his side? I don't care. Oh, good.
I mean, he's in trouble. Yeah, I mean, either way, he's in trouble.
Yeah, yeah.

If I don't have an opinion, then why have a podcast? Exactly. So it's like,

so this guy, Tucco, he, this girl's like, by his, he's trying to wash his car in his front yard. She keeps bothering me.
He's like, hey, get away from my car. I'm washing my car.

She's like, no, I'm not going anywhere. And he's like, get away from my car.
And then she's like, no, I'm not going anywhere. So he sprays her with the fucking hose.

She tells the cops they arrest his ass for hitting her with the hose. Hitting her with the hose.
I do. Also, it's the middle of summer.
I guess this is my question: is that obviously, I mean,

in all technicality, that is assault. Is it? Yes.
On the very, very base of assault, I believe.

Like, flip someone's hat off. You've heard that's assault.
If you throw a cup of water on them, it's assault. It is any unwanted physical interaction.
Yeah.

Any unwanted physical interaction, which is sort of like why the butt sniffer was kind of...

they didn't. But was she harassing him? That's well,

you can harass somebody as much as you want. You can yell at somebody as much as you want.

You can threaten to kill them up to the point of purchasing a gun, showing them the gun that you're going to kill them, telling them the day and date you're going to kill them.

And if that day and date go by, you are innocent of anything. Okay, I have a little bit of backstory.

There was a woman, three women in a van, and they were parked close to his car yeah he asked them to move they didn't move

that's the story and then he sprayed them with a hose that's it okay so how many times did he ask that's the real question you ask i'd say if you ask three times they don't move and you're trying to wash your car

Spray them. Yeah, I mean, I guess it's one of those where you just see another role taken by Michael Pena.

You freak out, right? You're just sitting there being like, well, he lost another big one. He's a Scientologist.
Michael Pena? Yeah.

Yeah, you know that? No. Yeah, Michael Benya is Scientologist.
That's why he gets all the roles. Whoa.
I know. I know.
It's very sad. No way.
Yeah, he's not a Scientologist.

This man is Catholic as hell. No, hell yeah, he is.
Very much so.

That man has so many crucifixes, it looks like he is practicing to kill a Messiah.

You know, the only guy has so many crucifixes.

I think this guy just wants to crucify someone. He was trying to wash his car.
Yeah. And they were in the way.
This is, I could see, if you got to the point.

How much time do got I mean it depends on obviously was it just a sprit or was it a

Fuck you bitches fuck you bitches fuck you bitches I imagine he was just spraying it on them as they got soaked and laughing

That's how I hope it went well. That's what I love.
That's what I wish to do.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but that's the difference between but guess that that's what it is is it that or is it like I'm a soak and wet you make you soak and wet you fucking driving parking ass bitches is it that or is it them going like fuck you my companion is 10 times the action you are.

And they're like, they're doing that at him.

Then he stands her with the host. That could be that.
Or is it a single spray? Did he spray her once and they flipped out and said, oh, Brown Man put what on me? Did they do that?

Or did they do the thing? Or it, you know, this is the problem, Eddie, is that there's a lot of details here that we need before we decide who's the good and the bad guy here. But I'll see you.

Anything at the comments on TMZ? Everyone's on this guy's side. Of course, because it's a frivolous thing to do.
Cops obviously obviously were trying to, I'm going to say this is as nice as possible.

I could see a world where the cop was trying to maybe make the lady

stop yelling. Yep.
Yeah.

And then arrested him, saying she wants to press charges. She's decided to press charges.

I mean, according to the law, if he touches you.

If he touches you, but she can not press charges. Of course.
She could just be a normal person and be wet. No, but in the middle of August.
She is a Michael Pena head. She's a Pena head.

She's a Pena stand, and she doesn't like the fact that he's there. And she's racist for that.

When he turned around to tell them to stop filming him, he was still hosing his car, and some of the water from his hose hit the front of his car and spilled on their car. That's it?

It got on their car? Well, that was the thing, is that they're saying... It didn't even, if it didn't even hit them, then what's the charge? It sounds like agents saying.
This isn't fucking.

That's a good agent. Yeah, that's a good agent.
He's coming right there. And I'll tell you, what's got another thing? Hey, just touch the car.

Michael Pena is a connected Scientologist. And he is...

He's got slaves in his house. And we need to start thinking about it.
How many of them Marvel rules? How many more Marvel rules does one man need?

No, I think that he, I could see this is a suburban war. There's a suburban war here happening that normally is handled amongst

the

citizens of the street. And normally the way it's handled is like, hey, fuck you.
Hey, fuck you. Yeah.
And then it's over.

Michael Pena joined Scientology to stop drinking.

Yeah, well, fucking good.

No, Biba, you get there. Well, that's how they get a lot of people because

their rehab programs are stellar. And also, I got to say, if he joined all the way back in 2000,

it really did a lot for him. They did Narkanon and Albert.

I mean, he's got a great career. Narconon does extremely good work.
That cop movie is great. Ethan Supley.
When's the last time you saw that that movie? It was a great movie. End to watch.

End of watch. Oh, God.
I love that movie. Michael Payne is a great actor.
Yeah.

But he is. He really is.
Ethan Supley was the same. Yeah.
Ethan Supley, they got it because they helped him kick heroin. Yeah.
Well, he's so big now. Well, different big.
But he helped him.

He basically then felt he never said these words, but he definitely said that definitely you could feel that he owes his life. He feels that he owes his life.
Well, he'd be dead. Yeah.

Wow. So Scientology is not bad.

Isolate it.

They'll love that. They will.
They will. They will.

We were going to talk about that. I feel like we've done enough here.
The corn concert guy, everybody covered it.

Everybody covered it.

It was

off a week. We were off.
Now, I got to say, the corn thing. Wasn't System of the Down also playing? Yeah, he didn't like them as much.
Or... If they went first, he got so jazzed that he had to

fucking come. comb.
Yeah, yeah, he gotta come. And he had to cut and he came for corn because he was so hard from System of a Down.
Well, I just think that guy

was,

I guess, feeling it. Yeah.

We couldn't be. It was like early in the set, too.
Yeah.

Twist? Must have been listening to Twist.

Ding Tong.

Ding Tong. Oh, I hope he wasn't listening to dad.
Ding tong. Oh, yeah.
It's one of the sad ones. Yeah.
Oh, fuck. My dad killed himself to the song.
I got to jerk off.

And then also watch out for the Papa John's dustinator. Some of the dust is currently causing unfixable rashes.
We're gonna look at that. So then we're gonna get to some listener letters.

Did we talk about the lady family annihilator? No, I'll save it for next week because more is going to come out. I am, we did have,

there is, it is kind of funny, a doctor by the name of Emily Long did kill her husband to two of three children, then killed herself.

It is funny. I'm going to cover this next week more so.
Why is it funny? It's funny because of the other doctor girls on Instagram and TikTok that do doctor social media

like content. There's like three Emily Longs and you've had several

when I was looking up

because Emily Long, the woman that killed her family and killed herself, posted all of these TikToks basically talking about how brave she is as a mother, help being a business owner,

working for a business, and helping her husband who had brain cancer. Turns out she embezzled $660,000 from a chicken wing company, from a chicken wing restaurant.
Dude, that's not a lot of money.

She embezzled. That's over a period of two years.
Yeah. That's still like, that's a lot.
That's a lot. She embezzled $660,000.
So, whoever's doing those books should be fired.

How do you not notice at a chicken wing store that $660,000 went missing? You hired me to make a wing.

Now I'm here to do the books. I gotta stop.
I need to be making a wings.

But she basically she made all this TikTok content right before she killed her family about again bragging about how what a great mom she was.

And then the problem is that all these other TikTok doctor moms that were also named Emily Long had to come out and say, tough day to be named Emily Long. Yes.

And so because everyone was looking for the videos where she very casually talks about how she's turning a new leaf and then she killed the whole family.

But again, the reason why we even cover those stories is that it's just nice to see a woman do it. Yeah, absolutely.
You never get that.

You know, woman embezzling money, woman in charge, breadwinner, deciding that the family couldn't handle the embarrassment of her shame. That's huge.

That means women are finally starting to feel themselves. Yeah, starting to fuel themselves.
Yeah, yeah, starting to be killers.

And if you're one of those Emily Long influencers, just change your name to Emily Wrong. I want to know who you are.
Emily Schlong.

There we go.

You know, right? So we need two names. Emily Schlong, what's nice about that? People show up thinking it's like sexual content.
Maybe you wear a low-cut shirt. Yeah.
Hook them.

Start talking about getting your balls checked for cancer. Start talking about all that kind of stuff.
You become the dick doctor.

Done. Dick Doctor.
Yeah. It's writing itself.

You're the new Dr. Ruth.
Dr. Ruth died of a fucking fur pussy ate her head.
Do you know that? Is that what happened? Yeah, Dr. Ruth's own pussy jumped off and ate her head.

I mean, that was a fucking, we all know that was a snapping. The pussy's actually, it's right now on its way to Mexico.

Tantata.

The cause of her, Dr. Ruth Westheimer died in July 12th, 2024, at the age of 96.
The cause of her death was not publicly disclosed. Yeah, it's because it was that intense.
She took on a biker bar.

Yep.

She actually got her lip stuck in a glory hole

and she

died of

his physics. She's a death in a Bucky's bathroom.

She was at an all-you-can-eat oysters restaurant, and she died from eating a bunch of shells. Didn't understand

what the shuck was going on.

All right, let's just.

Do you want to do more lady poop stories? No.

These are our listener emails this week. People who have eaten dogs and guinea pigs.
Oh, yeah. This is a new one.
New song.

Side stories.

Whoa. It's very young blood.
Don't do this.

Let me get a different one. Let me get a different one.

No, you know what that one was? It's like, it felt very like...

Like 1970s. I've been watching a lot of Criterion.
I didn't dislike it, but yeah.

I did like it. It was good.
He used the triangle. There we go.

Fuck yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Gonna sip yourself down and enjoy some listener email. That makes me want to jerk off to some nubs.
Yeah, dude. Nub it out, dude.

Some of my favorite shit, dude. I love a guy.
Love your nubs, dude. I'm gonna start saying more than that.
Actually, where'd you get that done? Hey, we'd just get your work done.

Where'd you get your nubs done?

Wouldn't it be amazing if instead of him just taking off? Specific.

Lucky, huh? I got it covered. I also love the idea.
In my head, I was like, just take out the shins, put feet on the nubs. Now, you're a dwarf.
Oh, that's not bad. How fucking cool is that? Be dwarf.

That's cool.

Here we go.

Dwarf fun facts.

I'm telling you this story right now, this listener email story, just because I think it's really funny. Okay.

So you see, no, people were talking about this. So breeding dogs for meat in Korea was a common practice for a long time.
It's now considered, it was considered quite controversial for a long time.

Now it has just been made illegal. Yes, I do know that.
Yes. We discussed that story on Brighter's side.
This comes from back in the day. Breeding dogs for meat.

All right, so I was in a Korean Christian show choir when I was a kid. We were based in L.A.

The group was very popular in Korea and the gospel world. We would go onto a Korean tour every summer.
We would travel all around the country, performing at churches and schools.

We would eat as a large group from traditional restaurants that the adults would order for all of us kids.

Okay. Well, on tour, we stopped to eat in a more remote part of the country in the mountains, and we were told we were going to eat ox bone soup, a very common Korean dish.

We all sat in the ground at low tables and ate happily. I honestly didn't notice anything about the meat at all.
For a 12-year-old me, it seemed exactly like stewed beef.

Once we were all finished, the director of the group had our attention. She asked, did you all like the food?

And we all happily replied, Yeah.

And then with the biggest shit-hitting grin on her face, she goes, Well, surprise, you all just ate dog. Oh my God.
Cue a room of 60 kids.

Oh, my God. They said the kids between 8 and 16 started screaming.
The mental breakthrough. They're American.
Wailing, gagging, making themselves throw up.

I just sat there with my two sisters, shocked and pissed, but we already hated the director.

So we just looked at each other with a shared look of understanding the director truly was a terrible person she had to apologize to all of us but ultimately we just moved on and kept performing child labor as musicianaries oh yeah for jesus yeah man that shit is real wow that that jesus choir shit that that they really do make a lot of money off those kids maybe

maybe the dog's name was ox

You ever think about that? That's really fucking sad. This next one is actually kind of vile.
So I'm just going to do it, but I do think it's it's interesting.

I lived in the South Korea teaching English to kids from 2011 to 2013. Okay.
I love to experience culture through food and thought it would be interesting to try dog soup. All right.
Bolson Tang.

The main way the meat is prepared. Even at the time, it was really kind of falling out of favor.
And all of my students were horrified when I told them I wanted to try it.

A friend and I found a place that sold it. It was hard to do.
The soup was nice. Lots of boiled vegetables and a good broth.
The dog meat itself tasted a little bit like lamb. Seoul food.
Sure, cute.

Thank you. That was actually the very first restaurant that Natalie and I went on a date to in Toronto.
It was called Soul Food. Oh, really? Yes.
Oh, nice. Cooked by an American.
Of course.

Afterwards,

there came the bad part, right? So they said they tasted like lamb, which kind of disgusts me. Yeah.

But, sure. Korean bark biki?

It's cute.

Then came the bad part, is that they left all the fat on the meat. And the fat tasted exactly like a wet dog smells.

It completely overpowered my senses and left absolutely no mental remove from the bowl in front of me and beloved memories with my childhood dog. I want to puke.
I didn't finish.

Yeah, he made her real sick. Yeah, she was pretty upset.
Yeah, North Korea, apparently, though, they just opened a brand new nationally recognized dog meat restaurant in Pyongyang.

Well, I mean, North Korea, they don't have any food, they might as as well. And in North Korea, they dog meat is like they have their version of top chef, which is hilarious.

Yeah, because everybody starved there. And one of the main ingredients they often use is dog meat.
Dog chef.

Yeah. Cute.

It is cute if you could. Oh, the dog.
Ew, that looks disgusting. No, no, no.
I can't look at that anymore. That's disgusting.
I didn't know it looked like that. What part of the dog is that?

That's just, I think that is the.

Why is there veins? I think that's the boop. Oh, Right there.
I think you're right. Right there.
That's the suit and boop. Oh.

Yeah.

Yeah, be careful with that. Some good old-fashioned.
I love seeing the little tits on it. Yeah.
Nothing better than like seeing the little nipples on my meat. Man.
Well, what a great story. Thank you.

I'm glad I did this. Thank you.

Next week, we'll have better ones, Eddie. You know why? Because we're back.
I don't like the color of those ribs either. Yeah, this is bad.
It's the color of the meat that I don't really enjoy.

You know what? If it was good, I'd argue for it. Of course.
You know, but it's just clearly bad. Well, it's just not to our tastes.
That is for certain. Nah, man.
That looks gross.

It's gray and beige. Those are not colors meat should be.
I like eating egg salad with noodles. Egg salad with noodles? Well, like, I like to make, like, what we used to know during Lent.

We used to make tuna and egg. Don't complain to me.
I don't know how I can't lose weight. I don't know what we're doing.
Don't do it as much. Don't do it as much.
But no, you eat a can of tuna.

No, no, no. Let me add a bunch of carbs.
I don't do this anymore. This is as much.
This is what my parents used to do. We used to do like

tuna and egg. But we used to make tuna and egg, which my mom used to make tuna and egg.
It was for Lent. And then we eat pasta with it.
Okay. We eat buttered noodles with it.

Man, actually, Jackie's like tuna macaroni salad is that's what my mom makes. It's carbon.
That's what we make.

Is there eggs in that? Yeah. Oh, it's delicious.
I like eggs. I take everything back.
Come somewhere. Oh, Jackie doesn't like eggs.
I like eggs.

I'll eat eggs. Fucking, I'll eat the eggs right out of a chicken's asshole.

She making it with virgin boy eggs. Oh,

good.

And there's nothing virgin about an egg covered in mayonnaise. I have to tell you what, because an egg covered in mayonnaise, that egg fucks.
That's right.

Because, you know, I live every day wondering when I'm going to eat egg salad next. And guess what? I love the fact that it's going to be tomorrow.
A non-virgin egg is a chicken. That is.

Yes, it is an adult.

And that's why I laugh my way to the store when they say, you sure you want that much mayonnaise? And I say, absolutely, because I've had egg salad almost every day this week.

But I just have a little bit at a time. That's what keeps me healthy, youthful, and glowing.
Is it because you look like egg salad a little bit?

Slowly but surely, the oils are making my hair wet

at all times. Oh, man.
Well, check us out on the road. Henry and I and Marcus will be in St.
Paul next weekend. We got 100 tickets left.
Yeah, come see us. Sounds like a lot, but it's really not.

So come see the show. It's going to go fast.
It's going to be amazing. Kansas City, the next night's side story sold out.

And then October 24th, come see us in Redway, California. Side stories.
This is our favorite show of the year. Come out, man.
We have so much fun.

If you're anywhere in the California area, in like the Northern California area, come to the show. We have so much.
With so much fun the last time. People came from Tahoe and Reno last time.

And this time we're going to plan more. We got a bunch of stuff to do.
I'm really excited. It's going to be a blast.
I can't wait to do it. Make sure you come out to the show.

We're doing it with Billy Wayne Davis. It's over at the Matteo Community Center on October 24th.

Also, Henry and I, it just looks like we got a couple more shows we're going to add before the end of 2025, and we're going to announce it in a week or so. Yes, we are.

We have a lot of fun shows hanging out. I'm very, very excited.
And yes, we will guess,

let's give a shout out to the Bleach Cafe.

Okay, who are they? They gave Rob a shirt. Oh, all right.
Well, yeah, then I like that. And they're good.
No, the shirt that he wears is actually really good. That's a really cool shirt.

That's a really good shirt.

Also, check out the

new slash videos back. Oh, yeah, slash videos.
Slash back videos back. It's on Melrose now.
Yes, go check it out. It's very cool.
Go check it out. I love that place.
It's so much fun.

Cool, good people over there, too. Yeah, they are.
Yeah. Keico's wonderful.
All right, guys. Well, we will talk to you next week.
And I hope you enjoy Aaron Hernandez's football season.

Oh, you're going to like it. Yep, yep, yep, yep.
Yep, because he's going to get you out there. Hail Sweet Satan, everyone.
And hail

virgin boy piss. Please.

Someone's got to.

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