Side Stories: One Story After Another

The thought of getting a degree can be straight up terrifying, we get it.

But Southern New Hampshire University makes it easier than you'd think.

They have over 200 degrees you can earn online, no set class times, so your social life stays alive and well, and low online tuition that won't scare your bank account.

College doesn't have to be a horror story.

Visit SNHU.edu/slash/last podcast to get started.

That's snhu.edu slash last podcast.

Dead is just a word.

On October 17th, just in time for Halloween, the terrifying Black Phone 2 hits theaters.

Directed by Scott Derrickson and starring Ethan Hawke, who is back as the Grabber and more sinister than ever.

The Grabber's story wasn't over, and he asked the question: Do you know what happens when you die?

Find out for yourselves, October 17th.

Hell is in flames.

It's ice.

Black foam 2.

Only in theaters.

There's no place to escape to.

This is the last podcast on the left.

Side stories?

That's when the cannibalism started.

Side stories.

Yes.

Rolling, rolling, rolling, rolling, rolling.

Oh, rolling, rolling, rolling, rolling.

Break stuff.

Break stuff.

Break it.

Break the stuff.

Break the stuff.

Break the stuff.

Eddie, how is your 31 for 31 treating you?

Oh, you know, it's fine.

I think of a lot of these movies I put on there for nostalgia's sake.

Same.

And they don't hold up.

But the key here is with Halloween movies

is that they don't have to be the scariest movies.

They don't have to be the most movie movie.

I'm okay with it being bad, honestly.

It's Halloween.

Yeah.

And it's about celebrating Halloween each time you watch one.

That is the one thing about horror movies is I can watch a really bad one and just be like, oh, okay, I feel good about that.

Yeah, I don't get offended.

At the end of it.

But there are some of these movies, as I'm now 44, as of this weekend.

First of all, give a big old congratulations to Ed Larson for not eating himself.

He's alive.

To death.

He did it.

He did it.

He beat food.

I am as old as Himmler was.

Wow.

Congrats when he was.

he was.

When he was executed.

Congrats.

Today's Himmler's birthday.

Oh, today is Himmler's birthday.

Happy birthday.

I'm so happy I don't have the same birthday as Himmler.

It was close.

Real close.

Your mommy was really watching that clock.

Yeah, she was.

I don't think I would.

If I would have cooked two more days, who knows how big I'd have been.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

Welcome to Side Stories.

My name is Henry Zabrowski.

I'm sitting here with Ed Larson.

Yes.

So I've watched seven movies.

He's my almost birthday twin with Heinrich Himmler.

Oh, yes.

Almost

birthday.

Almost.

Know who I got?

I got another war criminal, Chester A.

Arthur.

Oh, fuck him.

21 president, you piece of crap.

I guess he's fine, maybe.

I don't know.

I don't know anything about him, to be honest with you.

I just like a president whose first name rhymes with Brester.

Yes.

Yeah, come on.

Yeah, yeah.

Come on.

Where my dudes at?

Yeah, baby.

Oh, yeah.

Brester A.

Arthur.

But yeah,

I watched The Gate because I wanted to, like, you know, Rob really likes The Gate and I talk shit on it.

And I'm like, all right, maybe I should watch it again.

Yeah, you did that.

It was slightly better than I remember, but still was not good.

It's for children.

It's for children.

But the demons look cool.

I would like to have one of those little demons in my house.

I think that would be yes.

Tootsie.

Yeah.

My shave Tootsie.

She would look like that.

She's got the horn on her head and everything.

I watched The Strangers, Kaka.

The thing about The Strangers because Cocka doo-doo.

I watched The Strangers as well.

For those of you that don't know, we have put together a very intense rubric for our 31431 provided to me by Jackie Zabrowski.

I think next year we go back to our old ways.

I feel like there's a good mixture.

This one I'm just putting a whole series in there.

Me too.

I actually really do too.

But this was, I feel like this was a good exercise as a way to spread it around, how to pick different styles of horror movies that we genuinely wouldn't see.

Like, yeah, because to me, I have to force myself to watch old horror movies.

Yeah.

Because I have to remember.

And what do you consider old?

70s and before?

No, I actually consider, I'm talking like 60s, 50s.

Like Hammer, that style of movie.

I've watched very little.

If it's an afternoon, I'm in.

That's my favorite one.

But if it's at night, I can't do it.

That's the problem.

I think like literally after 39, the year of age is that if a black and white movie is on after 8.30 p.m., I'm asleep.

Asleep.

Asleep.

I can't even, because again, it's not that gripping.

Yeah.

Even like if it's like pie, I'm asleep.

I need to see tits.

I need to see blood.

I need to see brains.

I need to see, like, in order to keep me engaged, like, past a certain tired point,

I need action, some fun.

You know, only one of my movies had tits.

Which one?

Sleep away camp 2.

Lots of tits.

And did you watch Sleep Away Camp 2?

I did.

I watched Sleep Away Camp 2 last night.

I made Julie watch it.

That was one of the movies I loved as a child.

Scared the shit out of me as a child really bad.

Hey, it's a slasher film.

It's really bad.

It's not even a slasher film.

Yeah.

She's like, you don't even really see the killings that often.

It's they like replay everything.

It's spoilers, by the way, for this stuff, I guess.

That movie's from 1980s.

Pamela Springsteen, Bruce Springsteen's sister.

Know what I kept thinking about.

What do you mean?

Sleep Away Camp 2 and Sleep Away Camp 3 is starring Pamela Springsteen's Bruce Springsteen's sister.

Who later became a photographer and like shot a bunch of Bruce's album covers, like Human Touch?

She took the photograph.

No way.

So she was in Fast Times at Ridgemont High?

Yes, she almost married Sean Penn after making that movie.

Oh, then he really must have been.

But the thing was, I'm watching Sleep Away Camp 2, and the whole time I'm just thinking,

you know, she got Bruce to the premiere.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I'm just picturing Slimming Purdue like squirming at the premiere, watching this.

Like, I got to get out of here.

I watched my naked sister.

I got to get the fuck out of here.

I don't allow myself to do this.

I'm the king of New Jersey.

I shouldn't be here.

Yeah, she's Pamela Springsteen.

My opening salvo, my opening movie of 31 for 31 was Halloween 3.

I watched that.

Which, again, the reason why I watched it is that it specifically

does not involve Mike Myers.

No, it doesn't.

And I'm kind of disappointed in us because he's my favorite of the guys.

But we have other things in there.

Like, that's like, that's why it all goes around.

Like, last year I had a Halloween heavy year.

This one was good to see Halloween 3.

It's, again, it's not fantastic, but the stuff within it is great.

And oh my God, what's his name?

The lead guy from Halloween 3.

It's like Atkins or whatever.

Is it Don Atkins?

Tim Atkins.

Tom Atkins.

Tom Akkin.

Tom Atkins gets so much pussy in every movie he's in.

There's some side boot in there.

There's something about Tom Atkins that they put him in films.

There was like men just used to be handsome to women in a different way.

Yes.

Tom Atkins, for some reason, every woman in Halloween 3

desperately wants to have sex with him.

And it's the, and I feel like that's common for all of his films.

And I don't know if it's just like mustaches used to do a lot more work for the 70s, 80s, you know, you wanted to look like an old man to get laid there was something about it girls like also i think if we really want to break down what it is about it is it's poor casting and that poor girl who had to kiss this old man no eddie

no eddie it's all reality tom atkins is absolutely letharium there's no way he smells like old cigarettes also that movie

Pretty anti-Irish.

It's pretty anti-they're like

the salmon.

Salen has the traditional roots.

You can kill the children.

Yes.

Well, the traditional roots for what we know as Halloween does come from Ireland.

And it comes from this whole like Druidic site.

And also, and it's kind of distinctly more American.

Like, we've taken Halloween to ours a way farther extent than they do in Europe and then they do in other countries.

Yeah, because they don't have candy in Ireland.

They don't allow it.

Yeah.

No, they don't allow it because they consider it a Catholic.

Yeah.

I will say, so I watched Body Bags.

Oh, God.

If you're going to watch Body Bags, rent it.

Don't watch it on Peacock.

The sound was off.

Yeah, Peacock's got bad tracks.

Something happened.

And I feel like no one, I feel like I'm the only person who has pressed play on Body Bags.

Maybe.

But the sync is off.

And I feel like no one has reported it.

Truly, dude.

We are spoiled.

By Criterion app.

Yes.

We're spoiled.

Oh, I'm so mad that we made this list before we found out what horror movies are going to be on Criterion.

There's so many good horror movies I have to not press play on.

Oh, they're too artistic.

They are Criterion.

I know.

Those are the really, really good ones, but this is Halloween, which celebrates the other side of it.

You put Blood Diner on the list.

Yes, I can't wait.

I have that on DVD, though.

I just watched it.

Yeah.

And it's interesting.

Is it not good?

Well, it's very funny.

It's very, very funny.

The best part about Blood Diner is it directed by a woman.

Oh.

And she has, I believe her name is Jen.

What's her name right there?

You got it right there, Rob.

Jackie Kong?

Yeah, Jackie Kong.

She did this like...

Yeah, she's a, it's an Asian woman that made an extremely offensive, ridiculous film.

Okay.

It's a really amazing, apparently, yeah, she knew Marlon Brando growing up.

Like, she was like all this kind of stuff.

Very interesting.

Made a bunch of like weird slapstick movies.

Queen Marie.

She made Blood Diner.

She made, what was the other one?

Yeah, Night Patrol was a weird one.

And The Being is also not bad.

The Being is not bad.

All right.

Well, I'm very excited because someone ripped me a copy of Blood Diner like

15 years ago.

And I've still, I've held on to it and never watched it.

It's not been a good film since the year, but it's fun.

Yes, but I haven't seen that yet.

So, here's what I have seen: Sinister.

I give it a B.

Yeah.

Honestly, I re-watched Sinister with new eyes, and I actually liked it a lot better this time than when I saw it in the theater.

I feel like they didn't close it out well.

Well,

all movies have a hard time closing it, and that was also the first half scared the shit out of me, yes, to be honest with you.

And also, that character, the sinister character guy, does feel like sort of a dry run for what they ended up doing with Bugul!

I kept doing it to that lady like, be careful,

Bagool.

Don't bend over.

Inspired by the ring, kind of.

Oh, I could see that.

Sure, yeah, Cargill talked to me.

Yeah, that was a, was it?

He's a guy, he writes,

C.

Robert Cargill was a guy that did a lot of comic books and stuff.

It's also a funny movie, he was funny on Twitter back in the day.

But I will say, of the seven movies I watched, the only one I actually really liked was Night of the Living Dead, 1990, Tom Savini's.

I love that one.

I actually really, I didn't think I was going to like it.

And then it was pretty, it was almost shot-for-shot remake up top.

And then, and then it like really, I liked the way it ends.

I thought it had a great ending.

I'm not going to spoil that.

And then, but I will say

Tony Todd.

Fuck yeah.

It was good to see him in a normal role.

God, he's good.

He's great.

Tony Todd was a very, very good actor as well.

Yeah, I liked him a lot.

And then the chick had a great story arc.

Her character arc was actually very good.

I haven't seen it yet.

I can't wait to see it.

I was surprised how much I really enjoyed this movie.

It's been a while since I've seen it literally since childhood.

So that's why I put that on the list was because I'd never seen this.

And this was Tom Savini's directorial debut.

That guy was hilarious.

The Gandhi-looking zombie zombie who came in.

He's like dancing in the doorway.

So funny.

I barely needed any makeup.

But that's why it's nice we're firmly along in our ride i hope you guys are playing along as well it's a fun thing to do throughout the month and it just constantly reminding us of the fact that horror movies are perfect you know

like i said even the ones i said i did not like six out of seven of these films and i will say i'm i'm glad i watched all of them but as i get older As I get older, at 44, I watch The Gate and I'm like, you know what?

Last time.

Get it.

This is it.

Wow.

I'm like, last time.

I'm like, I only got if half of my life is over.

That's the last time I'll be spending two hours on that.

I'm giving the gate.

It's all the time I'm giving the gate.

I understand.

You're ready for the gate 2 now.

No, no, no.

No, done.

The gate's done.

Stranger's done.

Sinister done.

Bodyback's done.

Halloween 3, maybe.

Slipway Camp 2, done.

Night of Living Dead might watch again.

Well, also, the ones you need.

That's a real review.

That's what I'm doing.

I'm mixing between the two where I did Video Drome as the classic, right?

Watch that.

I'm waiting for it to show up.

It's great.

It's really fun.

The only problem, again, with Videodrome is what James Woods has done to his own self after the fact.

Well, he's horrible.

Well, it's another example of a character.

He's horrible in the movie, too, but it's another example of an actor that was in movies at a time.

This is, again, we're seeing the issue.

The issue is that even when I was joking about Tom Atkins really being sexually a dynamo, I think a lot of these guys were in a lot of movies where it was written that all of these women would be wildly in love with them.

Yes.

And they do begin to believe that it is true.

Yes.

And now that they're 80 and alone, it stops.

And I think that James Woods like forgot at some point that he's James Woods,

the actor, and that in the script, they have to kiss him.

Yeah.

You know, but Debbie Harry's great in that too.

She's very mysterious.

I'm really, really good at that.

Wait, I haven't seen that in like 10 years.

I'm very

forgot that video drama was all done by Rick Baker.

Oh.

Which gives it this other edge.

It's like that the feel of the movie is fantastic.

Cool.

I didn't realize that.

I love that.

That makes me very excited for it.

And I can't wait.

A lot of our movies aren't available anywhere.

And of course, I ditched Hulu and Paramount Plus out of protests.

And so I know what I'm going to do.

I found that local video store.

I love it.

It's called Be Kind, Rewind, or whatever.

And I'm going to go there and I'm going to get all the movies from them.

I absolutely love it.

Keep it local.

Yeah, keep it local.

Because why am I going to give Apple five bucks when I can give this fucking dude with a pile of DVDs five bucks?

Absolutely.

Give

anything that keeps that man away from becoming a radicalized person at the foot of the fucking Capitol building.

Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know what I mean?

Like anything that keeps him out.

So let's get to it.

We did a little 31 for 31 rundown.

Do we want to get to some updates?

Let's update it, man.

All right.

Wait, here, you do this Aaron Hernandez update.

There is a fun one I saw in the listener emails.

It says, I reprimanded Aaron Hernandez.

So in June of 2013, I was hired at an escape room-type business in Foxborough, Massachusetts at Patriots Place, the outdoor mall attached to Gajillette Stadium.

Oh, God.

Yeah,

how lame do you have to be to put a mall?

Like, it just

goes.

Normal mall.

No, no, it doesn't have a normal, it's a normal mall.

It's not just a shop.

Why is there an escape room at a football stadium?

I think it's because, to be honest, it's something for the wives to do to be hidden away from their violent husbands.

I mean, Dolphins Stadium is a nightclub, so what am I complaining about?

While working,

there were two places you could be.

One, taking a group of people through the attraction, or two, standing at the main desk selling tickets and merch.

About a week or two into my training, I came out of a tour I had just completed, and I could hear the next tour proceeding very loudly.

through the show.

I asked my manager what was going on, to which he responded, just some Patriots players that came in to take the tour.

By the way, the system was down when they came in, so you'll need to charge them their tickets before they leave.

Okay.

Now I should mention a 5'6 blonde girl who at the time was going to college to get her degree in theater studies, acting.

All right, so we got a little actor working here.

You know, she's working at trying her best in Boston.

You know, good for her.

I truly had no idea who these men were.

Of course not.

Why would you?

So when they entered their tour, walked straight past me out of the door without paying or acknowledging my presence, I was a little annoyed.

About five minutes later, one of them came back and asked for the I shit you not container of protein powder they had left on the desk during their show.

Our business was directly across from a GNC store.

Why is there a mall right there?

You gotta get your money.

Why do they have a Mormon?

Why do they have a fucking mall across the street from the fucking giant Mormon temple, the center of fucking SLC?

It's because they get to make that money.

They love that shit.

So I looked straight at the biggest man I've ever seen and I advised him that yes, he could have his protein powder back, but he needed to pay for the tickets first.

He stared at me blankly for a while and said, uh, okay, let me just go get Mayo's credit card.

And then left again.

I learned later that he was referring to Gerard Mayo, not the condonant.

Mayo, he was pretty good.

He came back.

I swiped the card, gave him his protein powder, and moved on with my life.

Near the end of the month, I was selling tickets when I got a call from the office on the second floor, but with a large window that looks over the main desk.

I looked up to see my manager who had witnessed my interaction with the Patriots player and a few other co-workers looked at at me confused.

I asked him, him, what was up?

Manager, do you remember that Patriots player you reprimanded for not paying?

Me?

Yes.

Well,

he was just arrested on suspected murder charges.

As I'm told, my face went white.

I slowly put the phone down and went about my day.

I told my parents the story for a while.

My father joked that Hernandez was going to get out of prison and I would be his next victim.

Jesus fucking Christ.

We all know that's not a possibility anymore.

Now I'm 31 and getting married in a few weeks.

I recently retold the story to a group of my friends and found out that one of my bridesmaids is the daughter of the detective who arrested Aaron Hernandez.

Massachusetts is so dang small.

Honestly, this is all, I just love the idea of we get so many emails of people rubbing up against murderers and dealing with murderers.

So many people entered Aaron Hernandez's life because he was a famous person.

Yes.

So he was around lots of people all the time.

And it sounds like across the board, he was a piece of shit.

Yes.

I have not heard one nice story.

No.

I've heard stories of people talking about playing against him in high school now.

I've heard stories of people.

We've got so many messages of people.

Any person.

No one's come to his defense.

Not a single person said I had a good interaction with Aaron Hernandez.

You hear that, Shayana?

Well, you know, honestly, then I got a message.

I got a message about her.

Oh, yeah.

I got a message about his wife and his baby mama.

Oh,

we don't need to get into that.

But I'm just saying,

I got messages about the whole.

They're not.

The funnest group.

Maybe it's because they're dealing with their struggles.

Oh, my God.

I had this.

This reminds me of a story.

When I worked at the Village Poorhouse, we'd always have football players come in all the time.

It was a sports bar in the East Village.

The Giants used to come through all the time.

It was one of those places.

And I was manager.

And whenever you get like a football player in, you know, you want to give them one of the good waitresses.

You want to make sure they're taken care of.

You know, there's celebrities.

And that's also what you can hear right there.

So every restaurant knows they have good staff and bad staff.

Absolutely.

You know what I mean?

Then you've got the bad staff that you can't figure out how to get rid of.

Yeah.

And you got in there and their liabilities.

And they got to be there.

You're hoping for them to not show up one day so you can let them go without paying them.

But anyway, so

I remember Ray Lewis and Ray Rice were coming in for dinner.

Now, if you remember, Ray Rice is the guy who famously hit his girlfriend in the elevator in Atlantic City, and everyone watched that footage.

And then Ray Lewis was always accused of murdering that man on New Year's Eve when he was wearing a white suit.

Then the white suit went missing.

You know, it's like a whole thing.

When you order chicken wings or they order lots of food.

But anyway, uh, so they're coming in, and I'm, you know, I'm telling, I give my best waitress, you know, the table because I know it's going to be a good tip, and I want to make sure they're taken care of.

And uh, I remember her going, she was the cutest, nicest.

Uh, I remember her name was Karis, and she was just like really polite and calm and just like good at her job.

I think she's like a scientist now, you know.

And so she

remembered, she's like, I was like, so you got a very special table, so football players tonight.

She's like, oh, I hope they're not scary.

And I was like, actually, they're the scariest of all.

They're the two scariest football players I can think of.

Don't worry, you'll be fine.

You're in a public place,

just be real.

And what were they like?

Were they fine?

They were great, they tipped well, you know,

they tipped good, and they took care of her, and we fed them, and all that shit.

You know what?

Yeah, it's funny, you know, it's a fun story, anyway.

Regardless, let's continue the show.

Actually,

but that was very frightening.

Live from North Land:

Save

and money, saving money now saving

money saving money now you know what I'm saving money and you know why I'm saving money because it's October and I like doing spooky stuff I like going out to a theme park for their haunted Halloween nights you know I enjoy that but I'll tell you one thing about those very expensive very expensive you can't just go on a whim you got to make sure you're prepared and a good way to save some money this October is to get rocket money.

And Rocket Money is going to help you cancel all those unwanted subscriptions and save that money.

Don't let

these people get away with stealing your money for subscriptions you forgot about and or you paid for twice and you didn't realize it.

Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with rocket money.

Go to rocketmoney.com slash LPOTL today.

That's rocketmoney.com slash LPOTL.

Rocketmoney.com slash L-P-O-T-L.

This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace.

Squarespace is an all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online, whether you're just starting out or growing your business.

But you don't want to grow your business too fast because then people will get jealous and they will take your business out from underneath you by buying your URLs and selling them to others at cheaper prices just to mock me.

Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid.

I'm about to make a website in which you have to register in order to make a horse-based website and then I will have to approve it for you to even be allowed to use it.

How about that?

How about this point I take away animal-based creative business opportunities from all of you and and i take your horse-based urls and i take your emo-based urls and i put them in the trash what if i put them in the trash using my own powerful squarespace driven website made for me by me all right through the powers of squarespace the unadulterable powers of squarespace that i love my experience

It's been a great experience.

The problem has been everybody stealing my swerve.

It's my websites.

They were my evil paintings, it was mine.

It was mine.

But now, under animalurlsregister.com, all of you will come under the powerful thumb of Henry Zabrowski, fueled by the bullets of Squarespace.

Check out squarespace.com/slash left for a free trial.

And when you're ready to launch, use offer code BLAFT to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

If you're still overpaying for wireless, it's time to say yes to saying no.

At Mint Mobile, their favorite word is no.

No contracts, no monthly bills, no overages, no hidden fees, no BS.

No!

Plans start at $15 a month at Mint.

All plans come with high-speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network.

Use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your your phone number along with all your existing contacts.

Say no

to getting another phone.

Say no

to paying more for your cell phone bill because every day I wake up and I scream.

First thing I scream, honestly, each morning, no.

And then I realized, oh, what?

That's actually amazing.

I don't need to say no in this way.

I've already said no to high billing because I work with Mint Mobile.

So now I can go no

at everything else.

Ready to say yes to saying no?

Make the switch at mintmobile.com/slash LPOTL.

That's mintmobile.com slash LPOTL.

Upfront payment of $45 required, equivalent to $15 a month.

Limited time new customer offer for first three months only.

Speeds may slow above 35 gigabytes on unlimited plan.

Taxes and fees extra.

See Mint Mobile for details.

A thing that is also happening

that's also out in the news is that the Munich airport got shut down by drones this week.

Another airport.

The last two days in a row.

On the evening of October 3rd, German air traffic control restricted flight operations at Munich airport as a precautionary measure due to unconfirmed drone sightings and suspended them until further notice.

They had, this has happened now twice.

It happened on Thursday and Friday.

Yeah.

And so they,

Denmark and Norway has also seen this happen.

What we covered last week in Denmark at the Copenhagen airport, and this is happening again.

We pro again,

everybody's screaming, it's Russia, it's Russia, it's Russia.

It makes sense that it's Russia.

Unfortunately, they are saying we do track Russian drones, and we don't think that these are them.

So that's, or there's something, other, some version of Russian drones, but, or something like these drones.

I need you need to look at them though, because it's actually quite frightening.

It's a line of drones that sweeping around the airport.

And again, they're not, there's no reports saying what the hell they are.

The German authorities, just like the copenhagen authorities came out and said you know they're just saying we have no clue they don't know how to do a gigantic cross propaganda machine front like we do yeah all right like they're not as good at it as we are and we they they just they say they don't know how to lie at the local level they're legitimately like we're scared and we don't know what it is no one's telling us what it is and it's very largely it does seem to be i'm not even saying this is ufos yeah well it seems there's also lots of Russian drones that entered NATO airspace over Poland and Romania.

So

I think it's that.

Yeah, but that they knew.

They don't know what these are.

Yes, they know what those things are.

And they don't know what these things are.

But these definitely look like fucking, they look like human drones.

They do look like human drones.

They just look like they're way bigger.

And no one's claiming them.

Also, at this point.

Conspiracy time.

I think if I was an alien and they saw that we had all these drones, why not try to to make shit that looks like our shit?

We've been talking about this: the idea that they are legitimately just copying us.

I don't know.

I also just think now we're in full

bad actor zone.

Like now, we're just in full-on the mystery zone in between where nobody knows what the information is and we're specifically being gamed against ourselves.

Like, we're supposed to be getting used to these mystery drones.

I don't know why.

I don't know what these drones are accessing.

Yeah.

It's over there now.

We had ours.

We seem to not have ours anymore.

Don't know what's happening.

I mean, they still show up.

There's drones everywhere.

You can't, now that everyone can have a drone, I saw one in my backyard the other night.

But we're talking about the key difference.

This is much like

the way everybody does the...

Trump just jokes.

It's just jokes.

Blah, blah, blah.

Where you tried to minimize it.

It's like this whole like weird minimizing game going on where it's like yeah

i get it like i i do understand that it's like it's stopped and they are drones or they're machines but they're that's two separate that's a two different sports yeah but the drone you can get it's not this shit this shit's like definitely the highest of ends military grade proprietary level like drone like giant drones yeah so this isn't just normal ass people yeah remember the the fucking, I also got that crazy footage that we can't show because it's, but I got it from Danny, Danny Filuppo.

I literally like, we got one of those.

I love our life sometimes.

We got one of those where

the shit that Eddie and I saw, like, and you can't see, honestly, is fucking wild.

And we saw some really wild shit.

He wouldn't let me see who it was from.

Yes.

And then, like, because he got it from his friend.

He wouldn't let me see who that person was.

And then he showed me the video.

And then he let me show that video to henry it was very wild and it was like you we don't it was off a fighter jet it was just like it was just like a dot going up and down in and out of the water we don't know what this stuff is we don't know and then you have what's his name was it tim mueller tim was the other guy that tim burnett was that the senator the one that's just straight up came out and said oh, we're not only talking to UFOs, but like they live off of California and I go visit them.

And like he was like talking about all this shit about how like they absolutely know.

They live off of San Diego all the time.

Yes.

but like, there's like, I think it was Tim Burchett who came out and said,

straight up,

there are aliens in the water.

I mean, it makes place, it makes sense that the only place it would be.

But this is also, these are Republican, obviously, and Timber Chet also, again, the only thing, the only weirdly, which is fucking ridiculous.

Is he horrible?

No, who knows?

I mean, yes, but there are, he's the only person taking UFO seriously, and he's talking about it as if it is well-known information, and it's just over with.

You know what's weird about the thing with San Diego, though, is, you know, you would expect if you see UFOs going in and out of the water, you would expect it to be incredibly deep.

But the water is notoriously shallow outside of the coast of San Diego.

So it makes me think that that's not right.

And they ultimately straight up said.

The main reason why no one's moving on anything is because it's what the generals keep telling people like Tim Burchett is that they could have blown us up 20 times over.

That's how I feel about it.

Anytime they wanted, and they haven't yet.

So obviously, they're either waiting,

they're just hanging out, couldn't give a fuck about us.

It's very possible that they just they're writing us off.

What if they're trying to find a way to leave themselves?

Yeah, you know what I mean?

What if it's like even that?

They just don't have enough space gas.

They're just like literally like, guys, shut the fuck up.

I don't even want to hear you anything.

Yeah, like like, I just like, we're trying to leave.

We want to go.

They tell me, oh, yeah, this is what Tim Burchett said.

They tell me something's moving at hundreds of miles an hour underwater, as large as a football field underwater.

This Tennessee congressman told Republican Congressman Matt Gates, great.

Oh, good.

I'm glad he's on the case.

No, don't worry.

This is the problem.

This is the problem.

It's all the guys I got to talk to.

It's not fucking like that.

Yeah.

Because everybody's a fucking child molester or a fucking crazy person.

The Democrats got nobody to talk to.

We just got Chuck Schumer counting his corns.

And then we got their all doing nothing.

They all just love the fact that the government's off of work.

They're all just sitting at home doing jack dick, loving life, making fucking stock trades.

And we're all just sitting here.

They kick the football so they have to vote on the Epstein thing.

And you got this fucking idiot getting trotted out in front of all the cameras being, oh, there's a Fitball Field size UFO in the water.

And it's like, Brow's not even moving the fucking needle, dude.

Yeah.

It no one gives a fuck.

Yeah, some of those drones at the beginning of the year were shooting other drones down.

Yep.

Like, we just like, stop talking about it.

Well, because, again, what that shows me, somebody got the answer and no one wants, we're not allowed to know what the answer is.

Yeah.

Because that's what they do.

Like, what the fuck?

They do it specifically, like the thing over Yemen.

They do it specifically.

So that they, this is, this is the, their version of a cover-up is to just shut up about it.

Yeah.

Because they're like, again, it's not going anywhere.

No one's doing anything.

The government's not working right now.

We can all know what gives a fuck.

You know, that's what they found out in the Amelia Earhart files.

Drones.

Yeah, it was drones.

Honestly, I was.

Like, obviously, as you guys have heard me talk about in the show, I was really kind of like so puzzled that even like, because the Trump administration, one thing is that they're so transparent and they're so, they do what they say they're going to do.

Yeah.

And they, you know, and when he said that stuff about the Epstein files, I I was like first of all I was so confused by Trump Yeah not releasing all that information I was confused and hurt in a way But then all that went away when I saw the Amelia Earhart Yeah, you're like oh, he does believe in truth he cares in there because

everybody knows that pussies float Yeah, and like that's what the main thing I learned from the Amelia Earhart thing is that pussies float

And it's crazy.

The only thing they found was her bush.

They found her bush.

This is true.

I don't know if you guys read that file.

They found her bush.

A bunch of Japanese people were using it on an island as a way, as a fire starter.

They were using the top of her bush as a fire starter because she,

weirdly enough, she grew steel wool.

Well, she was so in tune with the sky.

She was part airplane.

Yeah.

Have you ever seen that movie Titane?

Titane?

No, Titan?

No.

It's called T-I-T-A-N-E with like a French girl becoming like a horny car.

No.

That's Amelia Airhard.

She wants a fucking car, yeah.

She became an airplane.

She just slowly became an airplane.

To be honest, what I found out was to be on some of the most damning thing were all the allegations from other planes

on Amelia Earhart that actually really showed me.

They named names.

Orville Wright was there watching Amelia Earhart making a twin Cessna eater out at gunpoint.

Yeah.

And to be honest.

They actually called him Horrible Wright.

They did at the time.

So honestly, I'm really glad that no one with that the truth that came out of that document was so blistering that of course no one's talking about it because, again, no one, she would have never been president.

It's certainly not helping the fact that, you know, people say women can't drive.

They shouldn't fly.

That's what this showed me.

Because that's where she said, apparently, the one.

I love women.

I'm sorry.

One of the big things he doesn't.

He really doesn't.

One of the worst things apparently was when she was flying was that she was so distracted by the amount of menstrual blood pouring out of her that she couldn't look at the dials anymore.

That's why she's been caught by sharks.

She would have been fine when she fell.

When she said, when Amelia got in the plane, they called it the Vag Pit.

And it just filled with blood and it covered all the dials.

So that was actually really difficult.

So again, can't trust women.

And Amelia Earhart should never have flown.

And that's what I learned.

And honestly, and I feel so much better.

I'm released from all the bad news.

Also, in Munich,

there was a bomb threat called an Oktoberfest.

So they're like, oh, it kind of lines up with the other one.

It does.

It's very strange.

I just wanted to bring the story back around.

Yes, thank you.

We have another horrific story here.

We do need to get into this story because

the debate at the center of the story is really important.

Yes.

Yeah,

this one's wild.

Go for it.

So follow us on this.

Again, I go either way.

This is a thought experiment for all of us, and we're all going to talk about this in a

even-keeled,

sensible,

that's what we're searching for.

We do take shit a lot for sticking up for the bad guy occasionally.

We do, yes.

And this is a case where we're all confused.

Yeah.

So, this is Mineola, Texas.

Great place.

Texas man is accused of holding another man at gunpoint for hitting his dog with a car, which killed the animal.

Alberto Joshua Hernandez, 22.

Emotional.

Yes, young.

He is accused of forcing a man to dig a grave for the dog and withdraw money from an ATM to compensate Hernandez for his loss.

All of this was done at gunpoint.

Yes.

So this is what happens.

This man, the victim, they're calling him the victim, which is true.

Who?

The man that hit the dog.

Okay, yes.

So September 8th.

Lots of people hit dogs with cars.

Yes.

So a dog ran out into the street from a residential home.

A man hit it with his car.

He pulled over and another man came driving up out of the property in a Ford pickup, stopped behind him.

Yeah.

Hernandez, the young man with the gun, he got out of the pickup and he pointed the gun at the victim saying, I'm going to shoot you in the fucking head.

The victim said he pleaded for his life, right?

He put the gun to his head saying, you killed my fucking dog.

It's an AR-15.

Well, no, no, no.

This is, I think this is a,

there's two guns.

There's two guns.

There's two guns.

Yeah, there's two guns.

So he goes.

The first gun, I feel like, is a handgun, probably.

Yeah, so he made him pledge.

He made him plead for his life.

You killed my fucking dog.

You killed my fucking.

You guys, I'm going so far.

It was a mistake.

It was a mistake.

I mean, honestly.

That's the scene.

Yes, that's the scene.

Yes.

That even saying Hernandez, you know, he forced the man at gunpoint to pick up the dog's body from the ditch, carry it to his yard.

The affidavit, then he said he took the keys in his phone, being like, you fuck, you fuck are doing this funeral right the fuck now.

You're doing this right the fuck now.

They went and he took him to an atm they got a shovel well no yeah you got the shovel you got the shovel he dug the shot he dug the hole for the dog they buried the dog then they went to the atm yes then while he's burying the dog in his yard he goes into his house switches out the guns gets the ar-15 comes back outside all right now we're going to the atm yep and then they sat they got the money got him 200

that's how much it costs to deal with a dead dog this this whole thing absolutely he said hernandez took his driver's license license, took a picture of it, told him, I now know where you live.

And if this is not enough, I'm going to come back and get more.

And then, which was kind of crazy, when he came back to drop the guy back off,

he left, he dropped him home.

The guy drove away.

Obviously, he called the police.

But when he showed up, Hernandez's mother was also waiting.

And so she was a part of this scenario as well.

Now,

obviously.

The villain here is

here.

It's like this again, if you've seen one battle after another, which is my favorite movie of the year, it's really good.

Sean Penn's character is a

horrendous villain that has at a sort of at his heart this very relatable, there's a relatable yearning inside of Sean Penn.

There's like a relatable desperation.

He wants to love.

He wants to love.

He like physically can't love.

It's like a whole thing, right?

This villain is in that realm of being a quarantino style, like there but for the grace of God go I.

That man walks.

I get it.

If you kill, if someone hits.

He killed the wrong man's drug.

If you hit Carmen with the car, I'd have two reactions.

One obviously is the screaming no, right?

Is the screaming no, right?

Then,

would I say I'm above

wanting

to

get that person who killed my dog, put him in the trunk of a car, take him out in the middle of nowhere?

I understand the urge.

Drop him off.

I get it.

And not kill him.

I'm not saying kill.

Like, I'm not saying you should kill.

Yeah.

I'm saying that I get the idea of dog walking a man that killed my pet, my beloved animal.

And I could see the satisfaction that one would gain putting like a gun in his mouth, dragging him down the street by his ear with the gun in his mouth, telling him, now you're going to be my dog.

We all

are you my dog now.

I could see that process.

I'm not a dog.

I'm a man.

Not anymore to me.

Didday, you're a dog.

Did he a dog?

You're eating dog food because that's what we got for dogs, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's what I will do, right?

But I also,

then I have a saint in me.

I know it's illegal.

I know it's illegal.

I know I'm the villain.

Yeah.

I know I'm the villain.

He's the villain.

But you're not, but you're the villain because you love too much.

The love is so big Alberto Hernando's had inside of him.

His love was so large, he had to kidnap another man to prove his love.

I have to say, at 22, you make bad decisions.

22 is you're a monster.

Me at 22, I had just gotten my gun.

You know, like, I didn't have a dog, but if someone killed my roommate's dog, I don't know how I would have reacted.

Yes.

You know, so I'm not saying it's good

that I don't know how I would have reacted.

I think that if it happened now as an adult, I'd just be, you know, probably just slap the guy a bunch.

Yeah.

I mean, it's just really hard because we know it's an accident, but there are accidents that kill our beloveds and make the other people upset.

Make you crazy.

And I'm not as gracious as an Erica Kirk.

Yes.

You know, like,

you know, like, I'm not ready to sell merch about a dead Carmy.

I'm not ready to sell.

I'm not ready to take over Carmy's podcast a week after.

I'm not ready to take on that ad deal.

I'm not ready to take on all that money that Carmy's going to leave.

Yeah.

And Carmy was in that beauty contest that she won for no fucking reason.

It's because I knew the guy that was controlling it.

And then

I also met the man that impregnated Carmy.

I chose him as well.

That's cool.

Yeah, a young Republican dog.

Yeah, fucker.

But yeah, he's so, yes, he's a villain.

And we're saying, Last Pod Guest on the Left is not pro Alberto Hernandez.

No, but I do.

Sympathize and understand where he's coming from.

Sidestories L-P-O-T-L-A-Gmail.com.

I know that.

Again, stop.

If you're writing the email right now that says, look, oh, it was a crime, but it is a crime.

We know.

I know it's a crime.

Go to jail.

I'm just saying we should contribute to this man's canteen while he's in jail so he has a nicer jail experience because he's dealing with the loss of a dog.

Human's got problems.

Right.

People get different people aggrieve in different ways.

Dude, that dog, dog's an accusation.

He was a good dog.

Yeah, of course.

If he was a bad dog or a foster, like, I'm thinking of my three dogs right now.

And, like, I think if someone hit Tootsie, I'd be like, well, it's her time.

Tootsie's got to go she's slow through the road

and i don't even mean that

i want tootsie to go for her own sake honestly if she went fast it'd probably be great much better yeah if someone hit because she's going

slow yes no no she's still alive 18 next month if someone hit my new dog um my wonderful my foster not hard jizzy jizzy jizzy if someone hit jizzy the foster they're trying to get rid of yeah i think we're getting rid of her this weekend thank you for everyone who reached out um about getting i didn't know that the Maison Shore charged $500 for the dog.

So I'm sorry that I said she was free.

She's not free.

It's $500 adoption fee to keep the adoption process going.

I understand now.

I didn't when I made the video.

Sorry.

Because I got Harley for free.

I didn't realize because I fostered her first and then they let me keep her for free.

So I thought all the dogs were free.

I did not know.

But that being said, if someone hit Jizzy, ah, you know, it's foster, not my dog.

No must, no fuss.

Fucked up.

We need to deal with an adopted child.

But the,

if someone hit Harley, Harley,

I think I might lose my mind.

Yeah.

I think I might, because she's bigger, you would probably take her a while to go.

Like, I think that I would like lose my mind and like fall into like some kind of weird psychosis.

Oh, yeah.

And I would be like, I'd do that thing where I'm just like, call the cops.

Call the fucking cops.

Call the cops.

It's not because I want to report the person who killed my dog.

It's like I want to stop me around so I don't do something bad.

Yeah.

I mean, honestly, but I feel that that is what makes you a responsible member of society.

Call the police.

Fucking cops on me.

Call the cops.

Cops on me.

That's what would happen.

But yeah, I also get...

I understand Hernandez.

Yes, because, you know, it's weird, because in my mind, it's like, even with human kids, I don't, I'm going to get some, obviously, into trouble for Jeeva just saying this, but even human kids, it feels like you could make another one really easily.

It depends on how old you are.

But I mean, Hernandez is 22, though.

He's got plenty of kids to pop out.

I'm just saying, in terms of like dogs, it's so hard to find that unique dog again.

How long do you get for this?

see here's the thing if he just kidnapping a man he's gonna probably get 10 15 years i think the the atm is where he fucked up yeah buddy i think i think it was the gun point in kidnapping the man and taking several locations i think the gun pointing at the man making him bury the dog dog ends there i feel like you might just serve a month you might be fresh i feel like yeah i feel like there might be something that the guy might get it the guy might even be like fuck me man i'm sad but it's the taking to the atm hernandez was arrested by police in maniola on Thursday and charged with aggravated robbery, aggravated kidnapping, and drug charges.

Well, yeah, he had drugs on him.

Absolutely.

I feel like this might have slopped his spot.

He's just been done at Abal.

Saw his dog get killed.

That's a bad combination.

He's in my dog man.

Yeah, he's in my fucking dog kill.

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's what happened there.

Yeah, I can see that.

Yeah, wow, yep.

Yeah.

I mean, I mean, what are you going to do?

You had two guns.

Yeah, you shouldn't have so many guns.

Texas, easy to get guns.

You know, it's a sticky situation.

I feel bad for Hernandez.

I think they're actually, unfortunately, like in Texas, I do believe that the gun has to go into therapy after shooting.

Yes.

It's not the person.

The gun has to go because it's not meant to kill.

Yeah, you have to bury the gun.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's called being bullet kosher.

Yeah, so I'm sorry this happened to you, sir.

I'm sorry that you hit a dog with your car.

It was very emotional.

Sorry for the man, too, because that's sad.

It's sad to kill a dog.

You know, that fucks with you on its own.

Yes.

Just getting the gun pointing in your face does kind of cut that, you know, depression.

And that way, I'd be thankful.

Yeah.

Because I'd rather be scared than sad in a weird way he owes hernandez but that's again that's what the payment was for yeah yeah for giving him a new lease on life leash please

if he had a leash this would never happen no exactly maybe there is like we could maybe also talk about that about how offense could be in order

oh yeah there's a lot of stuff here there's a lot of there's a lot of hang a lot of hanging chads here

a lot of hanging chads

uh we let's talk about a little bit here this one guy this you see this teenager who killed uh his parents but but then he killed his kids.

He didn't kill his parents.

He killed his mother and her friend, and he stabbed them.

This took place in Cambria County,

yeah, in Pennsylvania.

So this kid, a 14-year-old, stabbed his mom and her friend to death, and then texted his girlfriend.

I just killed my parents, and then followed with JK.

But as a matter of fact, he was not JK.

He killed parent.

So I could see where his

joke was.

It wasn't a joke.

he did that as in like psych as in like that's a funny joke yes but it's not if the text was funny yes now obviously you know this just happened you know he still has to go to you know he has to go through court and all that it seems like there probably isn't but he did uh it does seem like he is the one who killed them he was wandering around the neighborhood um screaming um i did it yes he did it but you know what we're not jking about are brand new dates on jk ultra so you can go and check those out on last Podcast on the Left.

We got a bunch of brand new dates and we don't care what we say in a text.

It's not funny to sell tickets.

That's right.

2026, we're coming in.

So basically today, Patreon members, they could buy tickets.

Friday, on sale to the general public.

So get in there, Patreon members, get in there and get your tickets before everyone gets in there and buys up all the good ones.

So here's what we're doing.

We're doing January 31st, we're going to Philly.

February 28th, i want to put this out that philly show is the biggest show of our entire tour and we are going to be doing something special at that philly i want to fucking blow that shit out yes we're doing philly we had such a good time when we did our side story show so much and then the last time

last podcast in a left front to philly wasn't there like a blackout or something and then you guys like were fucked and like so then we had a new re-up on that show philly owes is owed a real show and we're gonna come and deliver a big ass show please don't fight us um and then February

fight amongst themselves, yes.

Well, you know, then the outsiders, you know, that come through.

Yes, they fight them very well.

Fight them.

February 28th, we're going to be in Austin.

Very pumped for that.

I can't wait.

I've never performed in that city before.

March 13th, Indianapolis.

April 25th, Cincinnati.

Scared to have my family see our show.

Yay, come on, let them drive.

Very nervous about it.

They might have to sit at home.

May 29th, Pittsburgh.

Gonna be a lot of fun.

June 27th, Grand Rapids, Michigan.

Let's do it.

Grand Rapids is a really cool little thing.

I've never been to Grand Rapids.

Grand Rapids, literally, some of the best beer I've had in the entire fucking country.

I believe that.

It's Grand Rapids.

Also, we went to a very funny club.

Where?

In Grand Rapids.

Yeah, it's a funny club.

Is it just like a club?

Is it like you went to a club and you just beat each other with sticks?

No, that kind of club?

Sexy time, man.

Sexy?

Oh, yeah.

Everyone's real wrapped up.

Grand Rap, we're all wrapped up.

Grand Rapids.

Real cold.

Real cold.

I remember we had had to wait online outside of an establishment in the snow.

It's like 1.45 in the morning.

We waited out there and we walked into a sports bar.

And man, it was lit up, dude.

Grand Rapids gets fucked up.

All right, Grand Rapids, we're coming for you.

And June 27th.

And then in July 17th, we're in Tulsa.

And July 18th, Oklahoma City.

Gonna be a fun.

We're doing double time in Oakland.

We're in Oklahoma.

We're covering it all.

Honestly, it's great.

But just so you know, we're not killing any parents on this tour unless, of course, it is Ed's wife's parents.

If they come and they get so offended by the material that they die, they will, they will get offended by the

yeah, they can't come.

Do they not understand that these thoughts support her daughter?

Oh, love her daughter.

That is the thing.

I think that it might be split.

I think if they come and see the crowd and be like, holy shit, Ed's like really successful now.

They might like it.

You might like it.

But then they see what I'm talking about when I scream, Hail Satan, and then 2,000 people people yell hail Satan back.

I'm worried how they might handle I wish that they could understand that that means Satan's winning and Christ is losing.

You know what?

I'm at Bridgetown Meets.

I want to talk to you.

You have to tell Julie's mom, Janet Rosing, when she's there every day, pretty much buying meat from these people, from these men.

I think you need to tell her it's okay what I say on stage.

All right, Bridgetown Meets, I support your ham salad.

I support everything you do over there.

Delicious Mets.

I love the geta.

getaway you guys are amazing.

Go to Bridgetown Meets.

Tell Julie's mom, whatever I say on stage, it's okay.

Yeah, again, it's a character.

It's a character.

That's what you say.

Say to them.

If you say it's a character, I don't mean it.

The strong strapping men at Bridgetown Meets, let Janet Rosing know that Ed Larson can say whatever he wants on stage.

Honestly, it also would help too if you say stuff like, Mr.

Rosing, God, you look fucking good today.

Yeah, you look great.

God damn, Mr.

Rosing.

Where's Mr.

Rosing?

Here, here's some free ham salad just for you.

I want to see you eat it, though.

I found it.

There's ham salad.

Look, they have to stock up more now because of me.

Yep.

Only because of him.

I'm selling this ham salad.

Go check it out.

Bridgetown Finer Meats.

Cincinnati, Ohio.

Live from North Way.

You'll float to.

From the director of It comes a horrifying news story set in 1960s Dairy Main that explores the origins of Pennywise the Clown.

Get ready to go back to where it all began.

The new HBO original series, It, Welcome to Dairy, premieres October 26th at 9 p.m.

on HBO Max.

This is an ad by BetterHelp.

World Mental Health Day is in October, which you'd know if you asked me about candy corn.

Because then sometimes I kind of irrationally pop off.

It's actually really nice that World Mental Health Day is in the middle of October.

So that when I'm screaming and yelling, a lot of people are just thinking I'm watching horror movies.

Right?

They don't even know that I'm like having problems, right?

But that's where BetterHelp comes in.

It's shining the spotlight on therapists, people who truly make the world a better place because the right therapists can change everything.

BetterHelp therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully qualified.

BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals, like conquering your enemies.

One of my favorite things to do in therapy is to run new bits and then get yelled at for my emotional distancing.

It's BetterHelp.

This World Mental Health Day, we're celebrating the therapists who've helped millions of people take a step forward.

If you're ready to find the right therapist for you, BetterHelp can help you start that journey.

Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash last pod.

That's betterhelp, h-e-l-p.com slash lastpod.

Why do most of us want to learn a new language?

It's probably not about memorizing grammar tables or topping a leaderboard.

Because we want to speak it out in the real world with real people.

Babel gets you there fast.

Babel lets you practice real-life conversations step by step without the stress.

You'll build the confidence to speak up when it matters, from ordering a cafe to chatting with new amigos abroad.

It's kind of amazing what you can do once you learn a new language.

It's just going to be amazing to have have babel on my side when i go to europe and say por fauvore can i have a glizzy

and then have to explain what glizzy is to them but then maybe i can put that into babel but that's the key if you want to ask for a glizzy in a super flirty way in europe you're gonna need the power of Babel.

Here's a special limited time deal for our listeners.

Right now, get up to 55% off your Babel subscription at babble.com forward slash left.

Get up to 55% off at babble.com forward slash left.

Spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com forward slash left.

Rules and restrictions may apply.

So we want to do this up.

This other story is really fucking stupid about the hunter who shot the kid thinking he was a squirrel.

And then, but the problem is with the kid thinking he's a squirrel.

He's way bigger than a squirrel.

Yeah.

He's not even that hairy.

No, and it sounds like an excuse.

It sounds like you just want to shoot that kid in the head.

Yeah.

Well, if the kid's dead.

Exactly.

Yes.

So

be careful.

Also, an Australian dock worker was fired for putting his penis in his co-worker's subway sandwich, but now he's allowed to work there again.

What?

Yeah.

How did you get to go back?

They were like, eh, it's fine.

Just I mean, Australians famously have a wonderful sense of humor.

Yeah.

So I wonder if it's partially that, but how do they tell that it was his penis was in the sandwich?

It said his employer accused Smith of showing his male coworkers bikini clad photos of female colleagues, also telling one that he had spat.

Wait, say that again.

Say that again.

Wait, what was this?

He was in trouble for showing his male coworkers bikini-clad photos of female colleagues, but also

wait a second.

Were they just on social media?

Yeah, I think he was just like looking up Instagram pictures of it.

He's being a creep.

His beer creep.

Well, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, definitely.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Of course, yeah.

But then he put his cock in someone's subway sandwich and

he called the colleague a useless piece of shit and a condescending cunt.

No, my question is: is that they

go,

they then were like, ah, you're all right.

Yeah, they fired.

Ah, y'all funny.

I was funny as hell when you think about it.

Yeah, I think a week went by, and they're like, ah, we miss him.

And so they said the termination was harsh, unjust, and unreasonable.

But didn't he put his penis in a sandwich?

He did put his penis in a sandwich.

But what's the proof of that?

Was there video?

He said it.

What do you mean?

He said it.

He told people, I put my cock in the sandwich.

Australians.

Yeah, yeah, never fucking say I'll fucking, there's no way to prove it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So

there's no way to prove it, guys, unless you got mustard on your balls.

Yeah, but the thing is, I think the reason they hired him back is because it was just a Subway sandwich.

And it's just, it could only have made it better than worse.

You know, you think that he was like, he's the office personality hire.

Yes.

It's actually interesting because he didn't get caught.

Doing it.

No, no.

Someone just said it's hearsay.

Like someone's like, oh, he said that he did say, well, it smells dick.

Yep, it smells like tuna fish.

Oh, someone's got provolone dick.

It's like getting fired because someone said that you did something, but there's no proof of it.

Yes, but you said you did it.

Right, but he's like, he could be like, I was talking shit.

You know, it was, it's not true.

Yeah, I know, but I will say,

it's probably easy to be a dock worker there.

I mean, I guess it's real easy going, but it's like, but

the Australians are famous for being fun,

fun-loving, party people.

And, but the thing is, the Australians is that, I guess it really is the other guys must have finally just been like

who hasn't yeah you know what I mean the rest of them must have just been so like what are they called Burger King over there it's um hungry jacks hungry jacks

because one man yeah I do one man stood in the way of Burger King's rights to the ombre king he said it was amazing it was really really great yeah so uh yeah so um If you are going to work at the docks, know that you can get some cocks.

Oh, God, it's just, I do feel like they really should.

They should have kept him fired.

I really feel like it's a bad precedent to set.

Yes.

But I also understand if it's hearsay, because if dock workers aren't looking at the evidence, who is?

Yeah.

And, you know, because you know they had a tribunal.

They had to set it up with the judge.

Then they had to make him a fake wig, out of spaghetti, and then they had a fake lawyer.

They had a whole, like, it was on the dock.

Like, they did, like, an unofficial trial, like they do in a sitcom.

Oh, my God.

He apologized.

The way he apologized for showing the pictures of the female co-workers was he said that he shouldn't be using his phone while at work.

Of course.

One of them.

Not even pieces shared.

No, no.

No lessons learned.

Not a single one.

Oh, wow.

Hey, so enjoy your Subway Sandwiches, Australia.

Yeah.

Because they are jack

full of cock.

All right.

We promised some spooky spooky stories.

Yeah.

And I think it's time because I actually have a doctor's appointment and I have to go do.

All right.

So we have to begin this.

It is time.

It is time.

It is time.

All right.

So you're going to go first?

For some listener pastas.

Ooh.

Scary stories from the audience.

You got one?

I got one.

Yes.

I'm going to read this one.

Again, we're just going to do smatterings.

We're just trying to add more ghost activity to the show.

And so this is our way of getting us all used to the spooky waters of Halloween time.

So ladies and and gentlemen,

scared you didn't.

Smoke a joint.

Pretend to be a skeleton for a little while.

And get ready to be spooked by some scary listener stories.

It's a monkey noise.

It's not a ghost noise.

It's a monkey noise.

Yeah, well, a monkey could be scary if it's ripping your fucking lips off.

If it's a ghost.

I was at a friend's co-worker's apartment in West Hollywood.

and there were three of us having a girl's night after work.

We were drinking some wine, gossiping about work and listening to music when one of the girls casually said she knew how to twerk while doing a handstand.

Obviously, we said prove it, and she proceeded to do a handstand with her feet leveraged against the front door and performed her expert level twerking.

We all started hooting and hollering, as you do, and abruptly stopped when we heard someone pounding on on the front door.

It sounded like a large person banging with a closed fist.

My friend opened the door.

With her ashticks?

No one was there.

Oh.

She, yes.

With her butthole, she grabbed the doorknob.

A true performer.

Ready for Los Angeles.

It sounded like a large person banging the door.

No, she closed the door.

She opened the door.

No one was there.

She closes the door, turns to us, shrugs.

Then it happens again.

She was still next to the door, so she quickly flung it open.

Again,

no one there.

The apartment was a flat in one of those really old buildings.

It had two units downstairs and two upstairs.

There was a single staircase going up and a small landing with an apartment to the left-right about 20 feet away from each other, so not very accessible and not very many possible culprits.

While we were trying to figure out who could be doing it and how they could get to the door and disappear so fast, we started again hearing what sounded like coins dropping around the apartment and the banging happened again.

Again, no one there.

She texts all three of her neighbors asking if anyone had knocked and they were being too loud.

No one was home directly downstairs.

The old lady across the hall was in bed and the other downstairs neighbor also had a couple of people over and hadn't heard us.

Meanwhile, I start to see small white shapes flying past the window, almost like birds, but it was dark out.

We look at the window to the front lawn.

Nobody's there.

The knocking happens yet again, and the twerking girl says she has to leave.

I was supposed to stay the night.

Yeah, she gotta go.

I gotta go twerk for Abraham Lincoln.

I was supposed to stay the night with the other girl that was with us, but I decide, no, you know what?

No, thank you.

I'm gonna get an Uber home too.

I get home, call my boyfriend, now my husband, to tell him what happened when we were interrupted.

by a FaceTime call from the other two girls.

They were both crying and outside walking to the last last remaining girl's car and were heading to her place in Long Beach because the pounding wouldn't stop and it had happened while they were in the front of the door again and they immediately opened and absolutely no one was there.

The girl that lived in the apartment stayed at our friends in Long Beach for three days until her roommate came back from vacation so she didn't have to be alone in there.

And she found pennies and dimes scattered around the floor.

And when she opened the front window,

exactly, right?

She noticed there was a paper shoved between the iron juliet balcony and the window door it was renovated from the original and there was about an inch from the balcony to the doors upon closer inspection she discovered that it was a bunch of her mail which is what I had seen flying around that window and you can only get to the mail by entering the building with a key and then opening the mailbox with a key okay I've always been sensitive to heavy energies allegedly haunted spaces and this was not the first or last time I had a weird experience, but it was by far the scariest.

I refused to ever go back to her place.

Maybe coincidentally, maybe not.

All three of those girls turned out to be very, very not cool.

Maybe something was trying to tell me.

Oh, or maybe

the ghost likes trippers.

Literally, that is my first like,

and he's like, and he's throwing money at her.

But I do think that there's something to the idea that the other chicks were not really cool and that there was something something in their track because i find that very interesting the idea of a disembodied noise you can't control things uh the because that's what's called uh apportations yeah apparitions i believe apparitions are what you see

apparitions yeah yeah which there wasn't because the white things were male so that wasn't uh that wasn't an apparition an apparition is seeing a ghost

You shut your fucking mouth.

You don't have to Google it.

You mean like an EVP or a phantom sound?

Phantom now.

The EVP is a type of thing that's called, it's when things fall from the ceiling.

It's called like apportations or something, I guess.

They say, we'll get it.

We know what it is.

Teleportation?

You don't know nothing.

You don't know anything.

I know that apparitions are the sighting of a ghost.

Yes.

Well, either way.

Yes, it's apportations.

Apportations.

Yes, A-P-P-O-R-T.

That was, you know,

a poor use of words.

No, it was actually very good.

It's actually quite good.

All right, you go.

By the way, my monkey noises were appropriate because Jane Goodall is now a ghost.

Oh, did you hear about what happened with her?

What?

Jane Goodall.

So, Jane Goodall passed away this week, the wonderful Jane Goodall, one of my heroes, to be honest with you.

She died suddenly in her sleep, which God bless her, she deserved it.

Thank Christ.

Yeah, I'm glad she didn't die like an audience.

But she was supposed to be giving a speech in Pasadena to a bunch of children, and no one, and like, and then she just didn't show up.

And so the auditorium's full of children waiting for Jane Glittle to come talk to us at least she didn't die in front of them but someone had to come out and be like she's dead she's dead

and then all the children started crying

why would you fucking do that I guess I don't want to lie to the fucking kids or whatever but still

the fucking afternoon we could just be like Jane's late Jane's gonna come back you know like well

let's just put a bookmark into this they didn't tell everybody when when Stupid W was reading the little book that 9-11 was happening they just came yeah they just came and told all the children that the person they're here to like talk about monkeys with them fucking dead

she died just like you're gonna die

all right you're gonna grow old and you're gonna die no matter what you've done to love chimps you can love a chimp as much as you want this one's called still gonna be a fucking corpse my haunted dorm room from courtney which i think is courtney but they didn't put the tea in there i'm sorry fern

you apologizing to courtney to you to my friend all right we'll we'll see how fast I can get through this.

I wanted to share a true story from my freshman year dorm at the University of Wisconsin-Madison.

Hey, I'm going to be there on Sunday with Logan Metz at Comedy on State.

Come check it out.

Better be good.

I hope you come, Courtney, Courtney, whatever your name is.

Come tell me.

I woke up on my bunk bed suddenly in the early hours of Monday, January 23rd.

My clock ran 3:33 a.m.

I glanced at the mirror on our door and I saw a girl with long dark hair and a white nightgown sitting on my futon.

I turned my head and she was still there, just staring at her reflection.

My heart started racing and I yanked the blanket over my face, but every few minutes I peeked out, barely able to breathe, and she never moved.

She just sat there, staring at herself in the mirror for nearly two hours until I finally fell back asleep.

She never left.

The next day, I kept it to myself because I didn't want to freak out my roommate.

But the following night,

while my roommate and I were watching The Bachelor, I told her what I saw and her face went pale.

She said she thought she'd seen me making coffee in the dark of night, but I'd never gotten up.

I remembered the girl was wearing white.

My roommate said that she thought it was me in my white Arizona sweatshirt, but that sweatshirt was packed away.

What really terrified us was this.

I saw her at the futon.

My roommate saw her at the coffee machine by the foot of her bed in between the two of us.

We were so shaken, we didn't even sleep in our room for the next night.

To this day, I have no logical explanation for this, and we've even debunked theories like someone could have snuck into our room since our door is automatically locked.

A few years later, a friend brought the story up and told me that he'd seen something similar and even caught it on video.

He was at a party filming his friend when in the background a doorway a girl with dark hair and a white nightgown walked past and when i saw the video i nearly started crying it was exactly what i'd seen all those years ago apparently she's a common apparition

at the end there apparition

apportation is different than apparition

but that is i mean you know like i know that you're like you give and take ghost stories yeah but I do think it's interesting.

I think it's interesting.

You've seen the most ghosts of anybody I know.

I think that sometimes people in college are drunk and see things in the night.

Interesting.

And maybe she might have made coffee.

Interesting.

Did you smell coffee?

Well, coffee is one, you mean, who knows?

It could also be part of, could just be a stagnant recorded memory of a person that used to live there a long time ago.

Coffee is the color.

So guys, so who says we don't get spooky?

Mm-hmm.

We got spooky.

We're going to get more spooky.

We got a couple more weeks.

Yeah.

Spooky time.

I saw Christmas lights up the other day.

Maybe want to burn the neighborhood down.

Are you sure they weren't Halloween nights?

No, they were.

Their Christmas lights were red and green.

So that's why you're going to live every day, knowing for a fact that we're not going to let them take Halloween from us.

I don't care.

Also, could be blood and weed.

We could be.

We also need to laugh at the fact that we completely didn't realize that Lawrence Krause, when we covered that bit last week of the guy, the guy confessing to killing his parents and taking their social security checks, that he ran for president.

And he ran for president, Lawrence Krauss.

We're going to laugh about this.

And

you're going to love the fact that he did a gigantic, really weird

anti-Semitic like rundown.

He's like a full weirdo anti-vax.

I know it doesn't seem like he would be.

He seems like he was right on the level.

I know.

He's great in jail.

You're going to love him.

You're going to love him.

But just so you know, he also, I found that out that he also ran for president.

That's cool.

And then he had a bunch of

articles that he wrote.

Remember how he did that thing where he said, oh, you got to read the reasons why?

It was like deeply anti-Semitic.

You know, it'd be cool if there was like some kind of criteria to become president.

You know, if you like, have to have like a law degree or anything.

Get out of here, you fucking

fucking weak bitch.

So we got lots of stuff going on.

We interviewed,

we talked lots of, we got, we did Black Phone 2 is coming out.

Yes.

Everyone checked it out.

Loved it.

It was really fun.

We talked with Scott Derrickson, the director.

We did a partnership with them.

So awesome.

We got to do it.

Honestly, we got into really kind of surprising territory because he was not expecting us to get into like Hellraiser and all of his previous stuff.

So it's like, it's a really interesting interview.

And go check it out.

And go and buy tickets for Eddie and I live at the Matteo Community Center in Humboldt County.

October 24th.

Go and check it out.

We are doing a Halloween costume contest.

Please show up in costume.

We're going to bring some

last podcast type prizes for for you all.

You know, I'm giving away my Aaron Hernandez book.

I'm going to sign it.

I'm going to make the boys sign it, my research book.

I don't need it on my shelf anymore.

It's going to be really fun.

One of you will like it more than me, so it's going to you.

And also remember, we are no longer in Cleveland.

We are now in Akron.

Yes, and that's going to be on November 29th at the Goodyear Theater.

Go switch over your tickets for that.

And if you're in Akron, congratulations.

Come see Last Podcast on the left.

Am I allowed to say the code on here?

Does that mean anybody get tickets?

If I put the code, if I say the code.

I think you should hold off on the code.

Yeah, because the code is a one word, but just know that.

Hit us up and someone will tell you if you don't know the code, there's a code word that they sent you in the email from the Cleveland venue that will transfer the ticket over to the Akron venue.

Yes.

But it's a word.

I can't tell you the word.

It's one word, though.

Do you think it's Annabelle?

No.

Robert.

No.

My favorite dolls.

Hey, listen, we also got lots of shows this weekend.

We're going to be at the Pap Cedar in Milwaukee.

Check that out.

That's going to be on Saturday.

And like I said, on Sunday, I'm going to be at Comedy at State doing Stand Up with Logan Metz.

And then October 25th, we're going to be in Oakland.

Come check us out.

That's going to be last podcast in LF proper.

And then November 16th, I'm doing Stand Up at Mike Drop Comedy in San Diego.

And then Columbus, Ohio.

Side Stories on November 30th.

Oh, yeah.

That's going to be at the Newport Music Hall.

December 7th, Henry and I are going to be at Wise Guys Town Square in Las Vegas.

That's December 7th.

We're going to be in fucking Vegas baby come check us out there and then of course in Portland

on December 12th and 13th Revolution Hall check that out two nights and then of course all the dates I listed earlier for 2026 oh yeah and this weekend I am doing my set on 885 the soCal sound come check me out I am the artist in residence for this Saturday on 885 the soCal sound 6 p.m.

Pacific um all the way to 7 p.m.

Eastern check out my set it's gonna get funky And I got one last thing I want to share with the people.

This is a fun thing that Julie did, and I think everyone's going to appreciate it.

You like your Instagram stories?

You like playing poop, poop, poop on the stories?

You have fun with that?

I don't.

You know what you do?

You go hit that little icon.

You search Eddie Tunes.

There's some Eddie Tunes gifts

for you.

I've got gifts that you can add to your stories.

He's got some gifts.

How wonderful is that?

Pretty great.

I've got gifts.

It's another.

I don't even understand it, but it exists.

I just love that it's another wonderful opportunity for our audience.

You love it, they just love it, they just love gifts.

You know what?

Our audience is so simple.

That's all they need.

That's all they need.

The gifts aren't gifts.

They'ren't.

You're free.

You're free.

All right, Kelsey, everyone.

Hail me.

Yeah.

Hail me.

Ed Larson.

Fuck at it.

Yeah, Eddie Toons.

Check out my gifts.

Fucking assholes.

Give him a gift.

Give me a gift.

You're tuned into auto intelligence live from Auto Trader, where data, tools, and your preferences sync to make your car shopping smooth.

They're searching inventory.

Oh, yeah.

They find what you need.

They're going to find it.

You can make a budget for your palette to help you succeed.

Pricing's precise and true.

So true.

Getting smart at car shopping.

Just for you.

Oh, it's just for you.

Find your next ride at auto trader.com, powered by Auto Intelligence.

Hi, I'm Angie Hicks, co-founder of Angie.

And one thing I've learned is that you buy a house, but you make it a home.

Because with every fix, update, and renovation, it becomes a little more your own.

So you need all your jobs done well.

For nearly 30 years, Angie has helped millions of homeowners hire skilled pros for the projects that matter.

From plumbing to electrical, roof repair, to deck upgrades.

So leave it to the pros who will get your jobs done well.

Hire high-quality pros at Angie.com.