Side Stories: Law & Otter

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Speaker 1 there's no place to escape to this is the last podcast on the left

Speaker 1 side stories

Speaker 3 that's when the cannibalism started

Speaker 1 side stories yes

Speaker 1 yes

Speaker 1 new

Speaker 1 lpn dog in the house

Speaker 1 ski dog eats there yeah he is champ is rob's new dog and I'm playing with him.

Speaker 1 Say hi to the people, champ.

Speaker 1 Wow, nothing. Nothing, huh? Wow.
You stump wallowing?

Speaker 1 You know, Indiana Jones.

Speaker 1 You know, Indiana Jones, that's for certain. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Not yet. Okay, now I'm going to let him go, and he's going to get caught in the wires.
Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let him run around.

Speaker 1 Puppy teeth. He does, yeah.
He got me good. I'm training him how to bite people.
Yeah, it's good to do. Yeah, get him real aggressive.

Speaker 1 Hate every man.

Speaker 1 Hate every man.

Speaker 1 Attack every man you see.

Speaker 1 Okay, now that I got them all crazy, I'll give him to you. Yeah, good work.
And now I'm sitting here. You had a puppy in front of you.
I have the deeply emasculating iPad again. Oh, yes.

Speaker 1 What happened to you? My computer just exploded again. I got to get a new one.

Speaker 1 I do wonder if it's the sheer passion. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
If it just can't handle. Yeah, because it's just, you love it too much.
Oh, yeah, because I'm always like,

Speaker 1 especially when I'm alone.

Speaker 1 Nothing is more passionate than the masturbating of a married man alone. Oh man, I was just hanging out with my boys in Orlando and we got and I rented two Two townhouses.

Speaker 1 Okay, and then one of them has, you know, my buddy was in the king bed and I was sleeping in a twin bed. That's very nice of you.
It was very nice. It was very nice of me and I did it and I was fine.

Speaker 1 But and then my other buddy's. It shows that you could still be one of the people.
But the thing is, the other place was like the townhouse full of married men and they weren't staying the last night.

Speaker 1 So I'm like, oh, I'll go over there and then I'll take the nice bed in the other place, you know, separate. And then I thought, this married man.
Never sleep in the bed of a married man.

Speaker 1 He's away from one night. Oh, yeah.
Married man with kids. It was, I didn't even want to look at the pet.
Dude, I saw that.

Speaker 1 I was like, you know what? I'm going to go. I'm going to sleep in that twin bed one more time because I don't know what he did in there.

Speaker 1 Something I'm shit and I don't wipe and I just don't put underwear on. Yeah.
You know what I mean? Something I'll roll around and I eat in bed. Yeah.

Speaker 1 If I'm alone, if the women are gone, especially people who like us, it don't matter. We're gone all the time.
Yes. So it's like, I've lost the romance of being by myself on the road.

Speaker 1 No, there is none. There's none anymore.
But this guy's never alone. No.
So you know, it was like he probably went for it like four or five times. No, very much so.

Speaker 1 And there's like they're doing stuff. They're doing like Albert Fish stuff.
Yeah, yeah. At some point.
Like, if you're that type of Mary, that's really honestly scares the that scares me. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So I slept in a twin bed for three nights. Well, you don't look like it.
Thank you. Thank you.

Speaker 1 It's weird being in a bed that you're bigger than. I know.
I mean

Speaker 1 just like

Speaker 1 hands and feet hanging off the side of it.

Speaker 1 You're like, oh, we better bring him four whole roast chickens or he'll destroy the inn.

Speaker 1 Welcome to Side Stories. I'm Henry Sabrowski.
I'm sitting here with the too big for a twin bed Ed Larson.

Speaker 1 How you doing? What's going on, buddy? I haven't seen you in hours. Almost.

Speaker 1 Almost a full 24 hours. Eddie and I just got back from Crime Wave at Sea.

Speaker 1 We can't talk enough about how much fun we had. It was just, it was so good getting to know everybody, hanging out with the fans.

Speaker 1 Not one shit bag in the bunch. That was my rule.
I couldn't believe it.

Speaker 1 That was my hard and fast rule at the very, very top was like, if any single massive, horrific emergency happens at all, we're never doing this again. But it was honestly, nobody died.

Speaker 1 Nobody got hurt. I know that there was some wife swapping.
Yes. Not with ours.
Not with ours. Not with ours.
No,

Speaker 1 our wives can't stand other husbands. No, no, no.
They're barely like us. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. So it's one of those.

Speaker 1 It was truly a

Speaker 1 you guys were really, really good. I want to say thank you.
We can confirm there was at least one orgy. I know that there was.
And for that, honestly, dude, Rob, you missed out, man.

Speaker 1 It was a, and it was truly a blast. Everybody was in really good spirits, and we want to thank you.
We saw people like change who they were by the end of it.

Speaker 1 You know, like people showed up like they're real mousy, and by the end, they're like dancing on top of each other. Dangerously crazy.
It was wild. It was pretty amazing.

Speaker 1 So that was the crime wave and see. Thank you, guys.
Everybody over at

Speaker 1 IRL Events and Royal Caribbean. Brad with Ryan.
Truly.

Speaker 1 All you animals. Can't believe it.
Can't believe nobody died. And Royal Cop.
And Royal Caribbean, honestly. It was pretty nice.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Except for the fact, and Eddie and I are going to talk about this, you know, just very quickly because we don't want this to. We are going to eventually develop our own uncle segment.

Speaker 1 We're going to need to do this separate from everything. That's who we are at this point.
At first, we were like, oh, should we do this every week? But now I just realize we are that.

Speaker 1 Do you want me saying no cap and shit? Sorry. I'm not going to, we're not going to become flagrant here.
All right.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we're not doing that. We're not saying, I don't even know what it means.
We're all uncs now. That's fine.

Speaker 1 I'll take that. I'll take that.
That's dead ass, dude. Yeah, it's super fucking.
I do like dead ass. I do, too.
I do enjoy dead ass. I do as well.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 But Royal Caribbean,

Speaker 1 no midnight buffet. What the fuck? We're talking about this for months.
We're talking about the midnight buffet. I mean it.
After just 10 p.m. There was no food.
There was just pizza.

Speaker 1 But you have to wait. Even

Speaker 1 for that pizza, you had to wait online for so long.

Speaker 1 We are already, we're all charged up. We're all filled with the water.
The midnight buffet is a real thing that should exist. It always has.

Speaker 1 Also, none of the floors on the ship have fun names. They don't do the names anymore because people get lost.
It's just, it's just one and two and three and four. Fuck you.
Also, my promenade.

Speaker 1 In the middle of all this calamity of the fucking government shutdown and air traffic controllers calling out, and it's extremely, extremely fucked up to be traveling right now through the air.

Speaker 1 The one of the things that drove me fucking nuts was coming out of Fort Lauderdale, and we were on time to our connecting flight.

Speaker 1 The old pieces of shit that were getting onto that plane made us miss the connection. It took an hour and 20 minutes to board.
There were 30 wheelchairs, and each one of them was difficult.

Speaker 1 It was, they weren't smiling and shit. They're all coming going, I missed the old wheelchair.
Like, they're all like glad and they're all surprised that we're in a plane. You know what?

Speaker 1 Old people, what happens to old people? At some point, you hit 72 years old, and it's like you lose the ability to emotionally regulate to be able to figure out how to do things on your own.

Speaker 1 Yeah, old people, I think, really like it's always nice. You always have these dreams like, oh, I'm going to take Mima to Paris one day.
Leave Mima at home. Old people need to stay at home.

Speaker 1 They're done. I think it's official.

Speaker 1 Leave Mima at home. Keep him at home.
Oh, before we go on past the cruise, though, I got to say.

Speaker 1 Shout out to my boy Gator. Gator Chris.
You came for the crown. You didn't fucking make it.
You came super close. Dude,

Speaker 1 you guys did not know. We fucking had the most epic Connect 4 battle that Ed has ever.
Because truly. True, he was good.

Speaker 1 He was really good.

Speaker 1 You guys, this is one of the big unadvertised elements of a cruise with us is the fact that a man arrived at our QA with a Connect 4 board after Ed Larson has said multiple times he is undefeated amongst our friend group in playing Connect 4.

Speaker 1 They did an exhibition match that which he won. His name's Chris.
His name's Chris. Yeah, he did great.
I think he's like a doctor or something. Yeah, some dumb.
Some kind of fucking stupid doctor.

Speaker 1 Don't be his patient because he can't even win in Connect 4. But then during our dance competition in which I almost bested five competitors against me, two nine-inch nails hurt.

Speaker 1 Eddie beat the shit out of Chris. I mean, I beat the shit out of it.
It went, best of five, it went to full five. Yeah, I know.
And I made both of us had fault matches too.

Speaker 1 So it was like, it was, it was really intense. It actually was the best of five that went seven games.
I made $2,500. Yeah.
That's really cool. Yeah, I mean, on that.
And

Speaker 1 I love illegal gambling and sees. And the money that I made from that caused that person not be able to get home.
Yeah, what are you going to get? Yeah, from that.

Speaker 1 Now he's eating cats. And I have no sympathy for them.
No, you can't. Why would you have sympathy for a loser? Yeah, losers lose.
Losers lose. When you play me and connect for you, fucking lose.

Speaker 1 That's the thing. W's are W.
Yeah. So if we ever cruise again, I hope to see some of you fuckers coming to challenge me and try to take the crown because I am the fucking champion.

Speaker 1 You know what? And this is untrained, by the way. I haven't played in years, and I'm still the goddamn champion.
I know you're like Bo Jackson. Yeah, I really am.

Speaker 1 But just show up unpracticed, fucking home run. Stuart, that's what you, you truly impressed me.
Yeah, I don't give a shit about shit. You go fuck yourselves, you motherfuckers.

Speaker 1 Although, I did like the Chris guy. He thought he was very nice.
He was extremely funny. And everybody, again, thank you to everybody that came to Crime Wave at Sea.
We had a fucking blast.

Speaker 1 Yeah, someone gave me a pile of tiny orcas that I was just giving to people the whole time. Oh, yeah, that was really cute.
That was really cute.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Ashley hooked me up with all them tiny orcas. Thank you.
Thank you for everybody, all the lovely kids. Speaking of the tiny orcas, I'm going to be in San Diego this weekend.

Speaker 1 If you're around on Sunday, San Diego Mike Drop Comedy. Or Tiny Orcas, is that the name of your new fan base? That's the diet.
I am turning into a tiny orca. That's what that is what's happening.

Speaker 1 You're eating a lot of tinned fish. Yes.
Oh, I love it.

Speaker 1 Yes. So come see me this weekend if you're in San Diego.
And we're going to have a lot of fun with Amber, Ashley, and Julie. You can smell them.
Yes.

Speaker 1 The smell of smoked heroin. Heroin.
Like he's the queen of Switzerland. God knows what they eat over there.
We have a little bit of an update. First of all,

Speaker 1 the

Speaker 1 response I got back talking about my obviously vulnerable admission

Speaker 1 that your underwear don't work. It falls down inside of my pants.

Speaker 1 I'm going to add this here: 76, 83,

Speaker 1 88.

Speaker 1 We have over 120 responses. Really? So this happens, you're not the only person this happens to.
Nope. You connected with the audience.

Speaker 1 I want to say also, I want to get, I really want to say thank you to the beautiful woman contingent that have are dealing with this and to those of you that sent pictures great so many people sending pictures of their deflated underwear um the how it won't hang

Speaker 1 pictures like just stuff of like their pants like wearing tight pants and underwear bunched up at the very bottom oh okay these people aren't sending you general pictures no i wish yeah

Speaker 1 it's just don't wish for it they'll send it no i know but i'm just saying i saw a a lot of evidence of it. And it's the women's bravery that came forward that really kind of touched me a lot.

Speaker 1 And a lot of people, obviously, there was a lot of very funny answers about how I'm supposed to fix this problem. Again, to elucidate, my underwear falls down inside of my pants.
Yes.

Speaker 1 And it makes my life difficult. Several people, this is the kind of the responses I got.
Some really funny no joke answers. I got some, there's several just pictures of Hank Hill's butt.

Speaker 1 Several messages of just stop wearing underwear. Thanks.

Speaker 1 My wife loves that. My jeans love that.
I can see you in a thong.

Speaker 1 High-waisted underwear combined with slacks, right? No more jeans, which also, what's high-waisted underwear for a man?

Speaker 1 I think there's a girdle.

Speaker 1 Again, I'm not fine there. But finally, this is the actual answer that I'm now trying to figure out what to do.

Speaker 1 Because they're saying to the big answer that I'm getting from ladies is to switch to cloth button-up. Cloth button-up? Yes, so this is the saying from Ashley.

Speaker 1 I studied fashion in college, and I might be able to put you on the right path with solving your egg-shaped man underwear problem. Elastic will always try to find the narrowest part of your body.

Speaker 1 Tying elastic around the waist is how we find the smallest part of a woman's torso in dressmaking. Therefore, doing that thing with it seems logical and getting tighter waists will not work.

Speaker 1 This is also why it doesn't matter what size you are. If your middle isn't the narrowest part of you, your waistband will move somewhere that it is.

Speaker 1 I would suggest either going for pairs that are just staying up so that the elastic isn't strained as much, or cloth button-up boxers. There's no elastic ring to betray you.

Speaker 1 And this is, so Rob just put up a piece of underwear in which I'm supposed to wear underwear from the tops of my knees to my rib cage. So I'm supposed to wear a bodysuit like I am.

Speaker 1 I mean, winter's coming up, dude. You know what? It's just, I feel like.
I gotta say, though, this is seven. There's no balls available, but extra large and large are they're sold out.
So this is.

Speaker 1 This makes me think they work.

Speaker 1 It makes me think the bigger sizes are sold out. It makes me think that this works.

Speaker 1 Men are seriously wearing full-body underus in which it has

Speaker 1 look nice.

Speaker 1 Rounder bum is the company. They're not sponsored.

Speaker 1 It is a built-in thong. And how are you supposed to get it in out of this to fucking have to hold it? Honestly, Henry, I think this would be really good for you, like at least on stage.

Speaker 1 Yeah, honestly, I feel like just like on stage, like it's just about on stage. Yeah, it's about on stage.
It's not about what I'm sitting here.

Speaker 1 Or if you're at a wedding, you know, and you're doing a lot of dancing or something, you know. Performing at a wedding.
Yeah, performing at a wedding. Doing karaoke.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so yeah, I don't think, I think, I think in this situation, you can keep your dirty, horrible underwear.

Speaker 1 But, like, I think, oh, this guy's got a full suit. That is ridiculous.
What in the living fuck is this for? They all have to buy models to do this. this.
That's all like

Speaker 1 game drawings. Yeah, it's AI drawings.

Speaker 1 It's like a video game. It is.
I'm now looking at a full-body underwear piece that involves like, it's like a, it's like a one-piece bathing suit for a man with sleeves. Bringing it back.
Wait, why?

Speaker 1 I'd love to see you in this. What spanks? I feel like spanks would be good for you.
Spanks hurt. Do that.
You've tried them. Yes.
Really? Spanks hurt. Was it getting spanked?

Speaker 1 Because I've heard that hurts. Sometimes.

Speaker 1 Sometimes. This is just the right way.
Yeah, something teaching me another lesson. I like when they spank me in the middle.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Nelson's like, right in the hole, right in the hole. And then, like, some of you lick it, and you're

Speaker 1 we have stories today, guys.

Speaker 1 I promise you, we'll get to some stories. Live from North Way.

Speaker 1 The year is 2012.

Speaker 1 The setting,

Speaker 1 New York City.

Speaker 1 There are a thousand stories in the Naked City, and this one is about blood. Vampires are real.

Speaker 1 They stalk the streets, feeding on the living.

Speaker 3 Nobody is safe.

Speaker 1 Join me, Henry Zabrowski, along with Jackie Zabrowski and veteran TRPG player Ross Bryant, for an actual play series set in the Vampire the Masquerade universe from the mind of game master Jared Loker.

Speaker 1 This show will premiere on the LPN TV YouTube channel starting on Wednesday, October 29th, and will release.

Speaker 1 People will die,

Speaker 1 then get back up and bite you. Will my character succumb to the beast within? Can Jackie navigate the Byzantine intrigues of the dam, the dam, of the dam?

Speaker 1 The future is a mystery. All we know is it's gonna be a bloodbath.

Speaker 1 LPN RPG presents Bloodbath every Wednesday on the LPN TV YouTube channel. It all begins on October 29th.

Speaker 1 Enjoy the mysteries. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

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Speaker 1 There was a. Actually, I want to hear it once.
We got an update for you.

Speaker 3 It's an island adventure.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Heck yeah, it's Jeffrey time.

Speaker 1 What's our update?

Speaker 1 Is it how Ghislaine is

Speaker 1 getting special treatment in this jail? Yes.

Speaker 1 So this is the big thing that the new news that's coming out is obviously the Trump administration said that ghislaine maxwell was getting no different separate or any form of cushy treatment at the brand new medium security jail she was dropped off even though she is a convicted human trafficker they went down the she is apparently now true the whistleblowers from inside the jail because we've been covering this how they're shutting people up from calling about what's going on inside of the jail like fellow her fellow prisoners we now know for a fact that she's being led in a form of like what the way they put it was like

Speaker 1 she's being like diamond class. Yeah.

Speaker 1 She's being waited upon hand and foot, and they're bringing her special food and they're giving her special allowances to go work out and they're doing all this stuff.

Speaker 1 So Ghislaine is getting very, very comfortable down there. Yeah, she really is.
She's staying in her Ghislane. That's for damn sure.
Absolutely. And there's a lot.
They're really trying to.

Speaker 1 She's still seeking. commutation of her sentence.
We know that's going to happen. We know P.
Diddy's also next on the list, not looking as likely because P. Diddy's not doing well in jail right now.

Speaker 1 He got hammered. He's making a lot of bad mistakes.
He got caught doing an illegal triple Zoom call.

Speaker 1 He caught, uh, got called, he got caught. How did he do a triple Zoom call? He was doing a, he was, he literally merged.

Speaker 1 He was merging in jail. He got that.
That's, he's in a lot of trouble. Merged in therapy.

Speaker 1 And I also got a really interesting email from somebody that said part of the reason why we're seeing this massive dragging their feet of opening up the government.

Speaker 1 We know, know that there's a nominal agreement to maybe open the government again because Democrats fold because they're a bunch of cowardless spies. Pisces, pieces of shit, right?

Speaker 1 And so

Speaker 1 we're all sitting here getting our ass handed to us, and you're just going to quit for nothing. Literally just watching tumbles, the plane tumbles out of the sky, and people do, whatever.

Speaker 1 Fine, whatever. This is not, we're not, we're not MSNBC.
Yeah, Fetterman sucks. Yep, we know.
So we now know that they, but nothing has been confirmed.

Speaker 1 Again, this is coming out tomorrow, so it's going to be God knows what the news is going to be, really.

Speaker 1 But it seems that one of the big issues here is a

Speaker 1 there are documents inside of this file that are actually quite bad for the president of the United States of America.

Speaker 1 So I'm getting little birdies telling me that a part of the issue is that, and I'm going to do this, what's fun is that I'm just going to say this without any proof because I can. Well, we don't.

Speaker 1 Alleged details. Yeah, I love it.

Speaker 1 is that trump's got pictures there are pictures of trump with with uh children well i mean of course i mean he had the beauty pageant he's just he bragged about walking around and checking him out naked yeah so we uh that that's kind of they're saying that part of the reason why they are really trying to fight this the government from opening this big cause they are hoping that the clout that they will get the political clout that they will get from opening from this happening after how badly everyone's going to be angry at them from from opening up the government because they're going to do this vote.

Speaker 1 They're going to rush this Epstein vote. Again, I'll believe it when I see it.
Yeah, I'll believe it for sure. Yes, but it doesn't matter.
They're taking away our health insurance. Yeah.
Oh, no.

Speaker 1 Either way, they did the thing that they wanted to do in the first place. Don't worry.
Democrats wanted to do it too. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So it's not a, this is not a partisan issue. They hate, they hate that you want to live.
They just wish that you could work for free.

Speaker 1 And I get it. It's so hard.
Oh, oh, fuck Schumer. Oh, man.
Schumer needs to be put away. I think public spanking would be great.
I would love to see you kill him. Yeah, you think so?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'd kill him. Take his pants down.

Speaker 1 No, just

Speaker 1 an act of you, of someone taking his pants down might kill him. You think so? Oh,

Speaker 1 it'd be a little chilly. He gets so excited too.
When's the last time someone's voluntarily taken his pants down that wasn't like

Speaker 1 assured that

Speaker 1 their lives were going to be destroyed? Yeah, the last person who gave him a blowjob had to adjust their readers.

Speaker 1 Because they just sit right at the very end of his penis like that.

Speaker 1 Full far apart. It just dangles.
It's that new Zoomer thing.

Speaker 1 All right, we've got some other stories. Eddie, what do we got? All right.
Well, the first one, you know, I love my animal stories. This one's great.

Speaker 1 It comes out of Malaysia.

Speaker 1 A wild elephant broke a man's leg in an attack and then later that night returned and killed him. Now, this is like, I feel like this is the second time I'm hearing something like this.

Speaker 1 Well, the other one was that case that was in India. This was years ago.
This is like three or four years ago now,

Speaker 1 where the details are fuzzy to me. And this other case, but like, basically, this woman did something horrible to this elephant.

Speaker 1 The elephant killed her, and then later came back and destroyed her funeral. Yes, I remember that.
Now it was awesome. Yeah, that was a great story.
I love their story. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 It was fucking metal. But this one, it was a lager.

Speaker 1 I don't think he was actually doing anything wrong,

Speaker 1 except for cutting cutting down trees. What is the problem? Is the elephant more of an IPA elephant? Oh,

Speaker 1 stole that from you. Yes, yes, because I dressed Julie up like a lager.
Yep. Yes.
But

Speaker 1 so a Malaysian man, his name was Saidi Jahari, 43 years old, was working in a logging site in the northern part of the country when this incident occurred.

Speaker 1 The elephant attacked him while he was working and it broke both of his fucking legs after it stomped on him a bunch.

Speaker 1 What the fuck?

Speaker 1 No, was he coming onto his territory or something?

Speaker 1 Mostly, I mean, everywhere is an elephant's territory. If you're in the woods, not my house.
Well, yeah, but

Speaker 1 if an elephant tried to roll into my property, I would have no compunction with shooting it in the head. Yeah, well, I...
Trying to come into my property? I'm pretty sure it would kill you. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It would kill you immediately. But we might get scared of the dogs.
Elephants are actually scared of dogs in a certain way.

Speaker 1 Remember that video we showed? Was that the video? Did I show you that video on the stream? What? With the dog, with the elephant kicking the badger. Oh, yes.
With the badger and the elephant.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and it just keeps just like punting the badger over. Badgers are tough, though.
They don't give a fuck about nothing.

Speaker 1 Um, but so they so they broke the dude's uh legs, uh, and they brought him inside and they were pushed out. It was just a tent, you know, it wasn't any, it wasn't like an actual structure, yeah, sure.

Speaker 1 And they brought him inside for temporary protection. But not long after, a bull elephant believed to be the herd leader, returned, attacked him again, and ended up taking his life the second attack.

Speaker 1 You need to fucking pass if you're coming up in my crib. Yeah, dude.
That's what that shit is, man. Yeah, man.
Elephants never forget. Never forget, dude.
You never fucking forget. You fucked up.

Speaker 1 You took his trees. He's coming back.
He's going to kill your ass. That's my trees.
Yeah. Elephants use trees as money.
That's right. All right.
That's my money. You're fucking with my money.

Speaker 1 That's where my, that's where my leaves are. Or maybe they feel like they're part tree because they both have trunks.
Cute.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 deeply incorrect.

Speaker 1 They're not, they're not trees at all. But it's like, I feel like it sees it go, and it's just like, man, that guy's like been hanging out with Mowgli all day.

Speaker 1 Mowgli's saying stuff like this is Mowgli's hood. Oh, very much so.
And I can see Mowgli saying to this elephant, like, that's the guy that fucking go over there. That's the guy over there.

Speaker 1 He tried to like make me his little like wife or whatever. You know what I mean? He saw me try to paint me with one of the colors of the wind or whatever.

Speaker 1 And then fucking that elephant's like, let me handle this shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're right, Mowgli.

Speaker 1 I'm sick of watching these goddamn, feeling, oh, these guys are trying to gentrify my neighborhood. Colors of the wind, though, is, of course, Pocahontas.
They're all the same.

Speaker 1 There's no elephants in Pocahontas. But everybody's got colors of the wind access.
If you have a loincloth on, you can access the colors of the wind.

Speaker 1 That's how it works. That's Disney math.

Speaker 1 And so these, I wonder if it's that. Yeah, but otherwise, they came back, they killed them.
There isn't much to the story other than it's just pretty fucking cool. Yeah,

Speaker 1 I'm sorry that I find it to be cool. Well, elephants attacking you is like an elephant

Speaker 1 singling you out to murder you is just straight up. Like, how do you, we're all like, what'd you do wrong?

Speaker 1 When I was, uh, when I, when I went on my trip to Africa and I did a couple of little safaris, that I'd, each time I had a different like safari leader in the Jeep.

Speaker 1 And then one guy, one of the safari leaders, was just terrified of elephants. It was just like, anytime he saw an elephant, he'd like turn the jeep around and like go in the other direction.

Speaker 1 I do think think that they're furious like anything else lions he didn't care whatever but if he saw an elephant he's like oh nope not going that way he was terrified of them i wonder if it's just because of the way they they travel their territory they're such an unstoppable force yeah and as soon as

Speaker 1 they're so big they're so strong and they're so intelligent like so they're really hard to beat you think you could probably like punch a lion in the head No, but that's why they have the kiddie clumpers.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 But like, it's not like a shark. Because they say truly with sharks, like you could probably punch a shark away.

Speaker 1 If you get lucky, they say hit it in the nose. That's what they say.
They just say hit it in the nose. But good luck.
Miss. If you miss, your arm's going right in the mouth.
I'm going for the dick.

Speaker 1 I don't think you're going to reach it. Pull right up in there.
Yeah, I always got a little bit of a drink. You got a hand right up there, pull out a little dick and jerk him off until he's smiling.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but elephants, they'll fucking come after your ass. I just wonder, side stories, L-P-O-T-L-A-G-Mail.com.
What makes elephants so angry?

Speaker 1 Yeah, and if you got any crazy elephant stories, I'd really like to hear them. Please.
Yeah, because elephants, they're really fucking awesome. All right, here we go.
Here's another horrible story.

Speaker 1 Oh, we like that. I like how

Speaker 1 horrible story.

Speaker 1 Nobody likes this story.

Speaker 1 Woman chained up in a backyard was beaten and tortured by her friends because they, quote, didn't like her anymore. Oh.
Now, that is,

Speaker 1 it's truly. Could any more of a reason than that?

Speaker 1 It's very, very inappropriate. This takes place in, I'm going to say, a horrible place right outside of Austin, Texas.
I'm correct. A woman was chained and tortured in the backyard for months.

Speaker 1 Now, these guys, they, I guess that you. Two dudes, three women.
It is very similar to the story. Do you remember we covered the story about

Speaker 1 they all blend together, to be honest? Well, yes, this is another one that is.

Speaker 1 I'm going to try to gently package this. Okay, cool.
Sounds like it's offensive. Yep, definitely.
Group of mentally handicapped group fucks, right? Polycule.

Speaker 1 It was a mentally handicapped polycule where they kicked out the last of the mentally handicapped ones. You remember the story? I'm you remember, Rob, yeah, right.
The husband and the son.

Speaker 1 She was like in a relationship with a guy and also that guy's son. And they found the guy outside of the 7-Eleven and they were like talking with him.
So that's kind of reminds me of this story.

Speaker 1 Well, it seems this is this. This is them right here.
Yeah, Ohio polygamists. Yeah, these guys.

Speaker 1 This is like literally the worst. I remember this crew.
Yeah, Martina Jones, Aaron Bradshaw. They all look like they were, they loved that big woman.
God, they did.

Speaker 1 They all took turns getting a piece of Martina Jones. It sounds like this was kind of similar.
These are five. Me, Ann, and Mrs.
Mrs. Jones.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 God, please get me on that list. These are the guys that were arrested.
Michelle Garcia, Crystal Garcia, that was Michelle's daughter. Mosh Carney, that was also Michelle's daughter.

Speaker 1 Juan Pablo Castro, that was the young daughter's husband. Mosh Carney is the name of

Speaker 1 a person. I think it's MASH, M-A-C-H-E.
There's Mashay. It could be Mashay.
I know that Cache is one. Cash, the guy.
I know the really awesome guy. They make shoes that I love.

Speaker 1 He's called MASH, and it's spelled the same way. But I believe it's called,

Speaker 1 I believe it might be Mashe, like paper Mache, because I don't think any of these people have the reading. ability to name something something

Speaker 1 good. I think that we got Maynard Lefevers.
Lefevers. Yeah, Maynard.
And they were arrested.

Speaker 1 I guess they had all lived together. They would live together for years.
Carney told investigators, not this was the one of the daughters,

Speaker 1 that they lived with a family and they said that they admitted they had kept her outside in the yard and restrained her from leaving at first. Michelle Garcia reportedly said.

Speaker 1 If you don't like them, why are you keeping them around?

Speaker 1 Michelle Garcia reportedly said she began handcuffing the woman months earlier because the woman would relieve herself in the yard and Garcia did not want her her neighbors seeing that.

Speaker 1 But my thing is, Michelle, if you're going to handcuff her outside, she's going to continue to use the bathroom outside. Handcuff her inside.
That's a little thing.

Speaker 1 You got to tell it's a little note there. Pissed it in the backyard and enough.

Speaker 1 It really is not enough. It's not enough.
The publication reported that Carney further told police they began handcuffing the woman to prevent her from stealing, claiming the neighbors had complained.

Speaker 1 She also claimed that the woman had agreed to

Speaker 1 being restrained, which is definitely not true. Crystal Garcia, another one of the daughters, told law enforcement that the victim was only maybe 50-50 capable of consent.

Speaker 1 And multiple suspects claimed the woman suffered from mental health issues. Yes.
Yes. I believe that.
Yes, absolutely.

Speaker 1 They were keep shooting. They got, they said they, you know, they limited her food because she had gotten junky.
And then they started shooting her with an electric BB gun.

Speaker 1 Because they didn't want to beat her with their hands.

Speaker 1 And then they asked her, finally, in the end, they asked the group, why would you do this? And all of them said, it's because we fucking hate her. Yeah, it's not enough.

Speaker 1 You know, I hate lots of people. It's very much, it's a, it's childlike in its uh, in its naivete of the situation, yeah.

Speaker 1 Um, which probably begs, which kind of shows a little bit more of the mentality of the people involved. Yeah, I feel like everyone knows, and I don't think

Speaker 1 that if you were to take all their IQ points together, you could maybe

Speaker 1 break three digits. Like, I think that if we put the whole kitten caboodle together as one

Speaker 1 crew, right?

Speaker 1 I think that this is.

Speaker 1 And they had her for months tied up in the backyard. Yes.

Speaker 1 And I will say, maybe she was unlikable. Doesn't mean she deserved it.
Let her go. Well, I think that if no one's looking for her for months.

Speaker 1 How do they even know that she's missing? I don't know. I honestly don't know.
This is all going to come out. This is the very beginning of this story.

Speaker 1 It's a horrible story, but it did remind me of an even more sad story.

Speaker 1 The story of, if anybody had heard about this, Shanquella Robinson, who was beaten to death, it seemed like she was beaten to death in the Cabo San Lucas by her five friends.

Speaker 1 They went on vacation with people she sort of knew, and Mexican authorities got a call saying that their friend died of, like, basically had passed out due to alcohol. consumption.

Speaker 1 They got there, the kind of vaguely kind of corrupt hotel doctors said like, oh, well, look at her.

Speaker 1 They, they, you know, they didn't say anything about the fact that she had a gigantic contusion on her face.

Speaker 1 She obviously, her neck was broken, because then when the coroner took a look at her, they found out that she died from extensive wounds to the head and a broken neck.

Speaker 1 And we know that there was also a released leaked cell phone video of her friends all beating her while she's naked on a balcony. Like, it's really fucked up.
It's a horrific story.

Speaker 1 But it's just another thing being like, I'm going all the way to Cabo to do this. Yeah.
Well, they probably thought they were going to get away with it there. And they almost did.

Speaker 1 I mean, basically, so far they have. Really? Oh, yeah.
They have not. There's been no...

Speaker 1 The Mexican authorities are still trying to extradite one of the suspects, but there's not.

Speaker 1 According to U.S. court, there's not enough evidence.
And if you know anything more about the story, it's fascinating and horrific. Side store is L-P-O-T-L-A-Gmail.com.

Speaker 1 There's so many ways to die on vacation. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
So many. Guys, Quiet and Wave at C 2.0.
We'll find out. Yeah,

Speaker 1 people die.

Speaker 1 It's kind of, but I I know they're not the same, but the idea of like a group of friends turning on one of the group of friends in a weird

Speaker 1 because they're adults. It seems planned.
It does. It seems planned.
It does. For it to escalate like that so fast.
If it's really funny.

Speaker 1 But she didn't,

Speaker 1 in that story. Especially when it's a woman.

Speaker 1 In the Robinson story. But you don't need to defend yourself like that.
No. But in the Robinson story,

Speaker 1 they are way more like more like casual acquaintances. We're like, this is something else.
This horrific, this story about tying up the girl to the post with the BB guns and beating her. She lived.

Speaker 1 Thankfully, in this story, she lived, but it's still just for months. Months.
That's wild. I mean, to me, then you're also like

Speaker 1 because she's above 18. So once you're above 18, you can go missing for a long time.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I'll remember that when I turn 18.

Speaker 1 God, you're an ugly 15-year-old.

Speaker 1 My man. Well, check this out.

Speaker 1 Vegas,

Speaker 1 we cover a lot of piles of stuff. We really do.

Speaker 1 We're a big pile.

Speaker 1 There's a bunch of lobsters in the woods. We're going to talk about it.
People tell us, and they say there's nothing.

Speaker 1 There's a soup in the road. We're going to talk about it.
But here, they found 300-plus piles of human remains in the desert outside of Las Vegas.

Speaker 1 They think a funeral home might have ditched a bunch of just ashes. You know,

Speaker 1 I guess these are just ashes that no one picked up, or maybe there's just stuff they gave in a different way. We don't know what funeral home they came from.

Speaker 1 There's very little information about it, but they found more than 100 piles of cremated remains. This is back in August, and they say it belongs to over 300 people.

Speaker 1 And there's no way to really tell what's going on here, unfortunately. No.

Speaker 1 But I have heard in the past, I've heard things like, I know this is going to sound stupid because I'm talking about a veterinarian, but I know a lot of times people just don't pick up the ashes.

Speaker 1 I think that

Speaker 1 sounds that stupid. I think that it's the same.
I think that unfortunately there are people that I might be wrong about this.

Speaker 1 Side stories, L-P-O-T L at gmail.com, but I'm pretty certain that they sort of default cremate certain people too, right? Yeah, people who got no one looking for them. Yes.
John Does, stuff like that.

Speaker 1 Yes. So yeah, I imagine.
I imagine that's what they do. I don't know for sure.
But you're saying that the vets like the... The vets, like they're just sitting on all these ashes.

Speaker 1 They don't know what to do. No one's coming to pick them up.
You can't just throw them in the trash. So they just end up like getting like storage closets full of pet ashes.

Speaker 1 Well, that's just only because you know vets that are actually very nice and they do care and they won't just throw them in the trash.

Speaker 1 I think a lot of times they do end up just throwing them in the trash. I'm sure they do.
I'm sure they do. So these guys went and dumped fucking all of these pounds of cremains out of out in Vegas.

Speaker 1 And you can check out two more piles of cremaines at the Vegas Wise Guys. Oh,

Speaker 1 we have a what day's our show? December 7th. December 7th.
We're going to be at Wise Guys. Well, that's podcast on the live.com.
Yeah, yeah, side stories.

Speaker 1 Henry and I are doing side stories December 7th in Vegas. Come check us out.
It's going to be a lot of fun, though.

Speaker 1 We're going to be bringing our first Vegas show together. Oh, and I cannot wait.
We are going to be bringing buckets of cremains. And I can't wait to go up against the likes.
Wow.

Speaker 1 What dignitaries are there? Lil Mo Mozzarella is going to be performing there. Wow, Eddie.
Oh, Joe DeVitio from Guttfeld is going to be there. Oh, yes.
Oh, wow, Eddie. What illustrious company.

Speaker 1 We're with all the greats. Oh, I can't wait to see the lights of Las Vegas.
Yes, yes. So come and check us out.
They really put us in the good places. Seriously, I will.
If you bring a...

Speaker 1 If you bring

Speaker 1 one of those FedEx envelopes filled with cremains from what I'll tell you, and we can sign it over to Little Mo Mozzarella.

Speaker 1 I'll put you on the list. Melissa's there the night before you guys.
Oh, Melissa Villa Signor.

Speaker 1 She seems like a sweet lady. Oh, yeah.
She's a wonderful human being. Oh, fucking for competition, no.
There is no law in Nevada barring a person from scattering ashes on public land.

Speaker 1 State law requires that the funeral operators to preserve the dignity of any remains that remain care. So basically.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but I think you're saying scattering ashes is different than dumping piles of ashes it's weird if they would have scattered it i bet they wouldn't even got caught but the fact that they're all in weird little piles just proves that they were dumping out urns in the middle of the desert and thought they were never going to get caught because the ashes look like sand do you think they did this do you think salaried workers do this or do you think this is a task graviton i'm just saying if you're gonna do this if you are a funeral home or a crematory that's getting bring a rake Bring it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Bring a rake.
A rake. You can't solve this whole thing.
No one ever gets caught. Just smish shit around.
Why is this a a problem? Well,

Speaker 1 you got to properly dispose of remains just out of respect for bodies. And now they are.
Not even. I'm bringing all these together to preserve the dignity, they say.

Speaker 1 I don't give a fuck about the dignity. It's human waste.

Speaker 1 It's body waste.

Speaker 1 Deep in the desert, far away from people. You don't got to.
I understand. I understand, but I do feel like it's still bad to be around.

Speaker 1 I guess what it is is the guys going to do it, and they're all just done. Because Because you know how it is, been like, all right, let's go.

Speaker 1 You know, they got to go out and go dump a bunch of urns and then they come back and then they, what do they just, the rest of their day spent pointing people out to ice and stealing ice cream from children.

Speaker 1 And like, I'm trying to think like what else those guys do. Yeah.
Well, now they're all going, they're taking the remains of the 315 people and they're just putting them into one crypt.

Speaker 1 How is that better? I don't know if it's better. I don't think it's better.
At least here, they're out in the world. You don't breathe.
At least a coyote come by.

Speaker 1 Maybe, you you know, you spread it around a little bit. If this is Vegas, you know what should have happened here? What?

Speaker 1 What I really, if they really wanted to, is that the Venetians should have taken upon themselves,

Speaker 1 rope off that little pile of fucking remains.

Speaker 1 And guess what they get? Front row ticket show comes to them. Yeah.
Reba. Wayne Newton.
Oh. Frankie Valley.
Hey, you know, I hate this. Frankie Valley's not even singing anymore.

Speaker 1 You just got to put it on the Bluetooth.

Speaker 1 You just put it it on the Bluetooth. Give them a taste of a show.
Give them a taste of Vegas. They're dumped out here in the desert.
You got Frankie Al Valley going.

Speaker 1 I don't think they really even know what happened here, though.

Speaker 1 No, they don't. No, they just dumped it in the woods.
The desert. Oh, well, it all.

Speaker 1 Are you

Speaker 1 in on that like I am? What? Frankie Valley and the

Speaker 1 Frankie Valley. I love Frankie Valley and the Four Seasons.
I'm talking about... My mom went on a date with one of them.
Which one? Winter? Spring. Oh, God.

Speaker 1 We've been together too long.

Speaker 1 Too long. No, you've not been watching the Frankie Valley, this thing now where he acts like an animatronic? Oh, well, it's all he can do.
It is so funny.

Speaker 1 He was old 30 years ago when he was on Sopranos. It's so disconcerting what they're doing to this man.
I mean, you wish they would.

Speaker 1 No, he's not. He's making no decisions.
Yeah, you're right. It's the dead stare into nothingness.
He somehow still knows he's on stage. But it's a high-pitched voice.
You can't really.

Speaker 1 It's pumped in. Oh, is it real? Is that what's happening? Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, he's just lip-syncing. He just stands on stage and he moves his mouth.
Yeah, he gets piped in. He can't sing that anymore.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Don't.
Whoa, look at that dance move.

Speaker 1 Oh, wow. Who is that? Whoa, wait a second.
Whoa. He should get on Dancing with the Stars.
Hidden Biden. You know who should have.

Speaker 1 I hate to keep calling him out on our show, but this would be great for Baggins' place out in Vegas. Frankie Valley? No!

Speaker 1 Oh, the remains. Yeah, he does look like a little piss-ass puppet.

Speaker 1 I'll kill you. I'll kill you, husband, fire.

Speaker 1 I'll kill you, husband, beautiful woman.

Speaker 1 Get him awake. Get him out of here.
Yeah. So honestly, those remains just sitting in the lobby would be kind of fun.
Yeah, why not?

Speaker 1 Seriously, why is it a showgirl so much? Like, this is such a... Vegas has lost.

Speaker 1 This is why Vegas has fallen apart. Vegas is almost done.
They're losing their edge. We're trying to bring them back.

Speaker 1 If this was was real, a real entertainer would have scooped out those remains and dumped them in the tits of a fucking Animal Cole Smith lookalike in a goddamn second 10 years ago. Yeah.

Speaker 1 This should be well she died before a lot of deal. I just mean, you know what I'm saying, a lookalike.
It was a casino.

Speaker 1 I'm just saying, Eddie, that like a real Vegas guy would know that this is an opportunity. Absolutely.
Because think about this. Not only are we, we entertain you while you're alive, sure.

Speaker 1 Now we're going to entertain you when you're fucking dead.

Speaker 1 Like, that's amazing. You know what? Put some googly's eyes, pour it on a bucket, put some

Speaker 1 googly eyes on it, and show it Haley Bieber's pussy.

Speaker 1 Do you think she's like, well, my pussy needs entertainment? Yeah, I mean, it was just...

Speaker 1 Hey, give her money.

Speaker 1 Right? You know what's weird? It must have just happened.

Speaker 1 It must have,

Speaker 1 because it's windy out in that desert. So it would have blown away.
So this must be like, they must have caught caught it by a day or two

Speaker 1 when it got dumped.

Speaker 1 Which is crazy. It's very, honestly, it's very,

Speaker 1 it's, but what we have covered a lot over the years of side stories is just how much corruption is within the funeral industry, how much it's just the same as any other horrific industry.

Speaker 1 And just because they're dealing with the beloved memories of your family members and shit doesn't mean they're not run by like Tony from down the street.

Speaker 1 He basically, he could have a Shonis. I bet Vegas is a town where unidentified people die on a regular basis.
That's where I'd want to be if I didn't want to be found. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I just, you know, people show up, they're hammered, they lose their wallet, and next thing you know, they're dead and they can't figure out who they are, and then no one ever finds out.

Speaker 1 You know, again, only if you're lucky. Yeah.
So, but yeah, there's a whole bunch of people.

Speaker 1 Acorns and little eggs. Acorns and tree eggs.
So many people are focused on where their money is today. Me too.
Mine's in a bucket or covered with my filth.

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Speaker 1 so here we go this is a low-level this is low-level domestic terrorism i'm about to talk about which is also kind of funny in a way where it's like we've covered on the show many people in this stead right we've

Speaker 1 we remember the panther man yeah it was the panther man and then there was the gimp of somerset and then there was the Silent Man. The Silent Man's our favorite.

Speaker 1 We love the Silent Man. This guy is a new one.
It's the Peter Butter Man. But now it seems that that's a little bit of a misnomer.

Speaker 1 Purdue University's Peanut Butter Man remained a sticky mystery, much like Bigfoot in the northwestern United States, until Thursday afternoon. They caught this poor, poor, brave young lad.

Speaker 1 He covered himself in peanut butter. Sunflower.
butter. But no, no, that's the twist that he.
Sorry. God damn it.
Oh, yeah. Fuck, fuck it.
Bleep it. Bleep it.
Bleep it.

Speaker 1 So this is what happened. He came in, right? They saw a man covered in what they thought was peanut butter.
Okay, well, it caused a panic. We don't know yet.
Not yet.

Speaker 1 He thought it was peanut butter and it sent everybody in panic. He was walking through Purdue University.
His buddy was filming him. It looked like, I guess he had his penis outright.
No, no, no.

Speaker 1 No, no, no. no, no, he had shorts on.
He had shorts on. Yes.
And so, but they had, I guess, shut down the university because of the peanut issue.

Speaker 1 Because they were worried about

Speaker 1 people being allergic to peanuts.

Speaker 1 But then it turns out, of course, they went searching for him. You know that he could have gotten like...

Speaker 1 Something like

Speaker 1 an attack with a deadly weapon or something. Like they were talking about this.
They were trying to throw all of these things out saying that he was like committing domestic terrorism.

Speaker 1 See, was he doing it to scare people with allergies? No, was he just silly and stupid? He just likes covering himself in peanut butter. Yeah, he's just Halloween.
Maybe Halloween.

Speaker 1 He's just a college kid. Yeah.
It's the funnest thing that kids can do. It's just fun to do.
It's better than shooting up a mall, right? I think it's fine.

Speaker 1 It's definitely better than shooting up a mall. But then it turns out the twist was, in fact, sunflower seed butter, which meant that it was not allergies.
Didn't have any problems with allergies.

Speaker 1 So what's the story here? And he said the man did not commit a crime. The police police are not investigating him.
And the university will deal with the sunflower butterman on their own. Yeah.

Speaker 1 They have decided. They are not releasing his name.
No, I mean, he didn't commit a crime. Well, according to the university, he seemed to commit some form of infraction.
Which is why.

Speaker 1 I wish I don't know what the social crime is. This is what college is for.
You know what it is, though? I think if he sat down on a chair, you know, or if he was.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, some ancient chair that belonged to Benjamin Franklin. No, even a normal chair.
Someone's got to clean that up. Yeah,

Speaker 1 that's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Give him $15. $20.
$20. The number, you said $50, then you said $15, $19, $20.
I said $15. $15, and then you upped it to $20.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I mean,

Speaker 1 that's if he does it in under an hour. You're just cleaning in the fucking seat.
So you're okay with this. He's not covered in liquid shit.
I gotta say, though, I love sun butter. I know.
And

Speaker 1 it seems like an expensive thing to do. Oh, no, he's exercising his privilege.
Yeah, no, that's what he shows. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, no, definitely. Oh, oh, believe me, I clocked that, mister.

Speaker 1 Believe me, oh, oh, oh, oh. You think it's a frat thing?

Speaker 1 I think that it was, I think that he didn't even say it was a frat thing. I think it was just a dumb boy thing.
Okay. He was having fun.
I think this is extremely allowed. More than allowed.

Speaker 1 I think it's encouraged. I think it is allowed.
I think I'm going to have to say this is also allowed. This is fun.
I don't like waste of food. That's the biggest crime here.
Yeah, I think that's the.

Speaker 1 And the fact that someone's buying sunflower butter anyway. It's because I don't like it as much.
Man, best ice cream I ever had was sunflower butter and jelly. You've changed.

Speaker 1 Oh my god, that was a fucking that was unbelievable. Where? Lambertville.
Where's Lambertville? New Jersey. Why? Because my cousin lives there.

Speaker 1 And I was there and she was like, oh, we got this cute little ice cream shop. And I was like, but it wasn't like vegan.
Was it good? No, it wasn't vegan. It was real ice cream.

Speaker 1 And it was the best one. I tried all of them because I have very fancy.
Yeah, you're getting hungry. Actually, even Sam.

Speaker 1 I can see you licking your lips.

Speaker 1 Now you want the sunflower, butter, and

Speaker 1 jelly. Yeah,

Speaker 1 it was the best ice cream I've ever had. Wow.
So, yeah, sunflower, butter, and jelly. If you know of a place where I can get that ice cream, you let me know.
Side stories, l-p-ot-t-l at gmail.com.

Speaker 1 This is the real,

Speaker 1 the real bullshit right here. I need to find out.
I want some more. That's all this story reminds me of.
That's all it is. That really good ice cream in Lambertville.

Speaker 1 All right, real quick news: the UK woman yawned so hard she broke her neck. It's because that's how boring it is to live there.

Speaker 1 come on and then uh we've got um what's another good one splash is florida's sheriff's department's first search and rescue otter that's how much you know that they don't care if you live or die if they send an otter instead of a person send in the otter send me a person yeah send people yeah i don't want the otter what's it gonna do show up and start it says it's it works like something like two out of five times.

Speaker 1 Well, that's not that bad, yeah. It's not enough.
He solves underwater mystery. Five out of five times.
Then send the otter. If it's two out of five times, don't send the otter.

Speaker 1 He's just going to end up chewing on me. Yeah, you send a person.
You person or you send the otter. You said one or the otter.
Send a robot versus an otter. Why are we training otters? Train.

Speaker 1 What's the point of all the robots? Yeah. Well, the robots can't swim like that.
Submarines. I guess you can get that little diver guy that they sell who kicks in the front of the KBC.

Speaker 1 How much more money do our,

Speaker 1 we, each fucking state police department, it's like a fucking their own private army. They're training otters with kelp and mackerel

Speaker 1 and not making robots. I wish they would train a manatee to do it.
Then you could, you could really ride the back of a manatee. Oh man, when I was, I went and swam at some pigs.
It was a blast.

Speaker 1 And I rode one of the pigs back to the shore and it was fucking fun.

Speaker 1 Train the pigs. Train the pigs to go look for people.
Honestly, I would rather a pig. Yeah.
I'd rather a pig than an otter. Oh, yeah.
I trust the pig. It's weird.

Speaker 1 It's like sending, like, it's such an undependable animal. It's like the idea of, like, oh, we've trained the foxes to find people.
Like, no, don't train foxes to find people.

Speaker 1 I mean, there's one guy who loves otters. He works with the police and he's like, listen, he's finally got his day in the sun.
He got one special otter who solved two out of five.

Speaker 1 Baby does stuff. Yeah, yeah.
I mean, two out of five, you know, for an otter is. Pretty good numbers.
It shouldn't be a police officer that's not a cop. No.
It's not a cop. Because you know why?

Speaker 1 it doesn't have it's not a bastard yeah you know what i mean certain breeds of dogs you can make them become what they need to be to be police officer i wonder an otter is too naturally mischievous to be a police officer i'd rather it be a beaver i would rather it be again keep the animals out of it No, dolphins are great at this show.

Speaker 1 No, let them just not have jobs. Yeah.
I truly, we don't need to hire the otters. We need to hire, I'd rather you hire a kid.
Look at that.

Speaker 1 There's an otter slam dunk dunking a basketball that's not saving me out of 9-11 too it's just it's just dunking a basketball that doesn't do anything i'd seriously i'd rather you would use kids that's utterly amazing

Speaker 1 and it wasn't that utterly amazing technically

Speaker 1 it was kind of utterly uh boring to watch you mess it up all right so we have to figure that out because so that's what i'm saying is that wrong you think kids you would rather a mare

Speaker 1 stodam otter

Speaker 1 huh how about that one i don't know about that one honestly don't know we didn't even get to antonio brown we didn't talk about that we didn't talk about mark sanchez a lot of football violence going on there it's gonna happen yeah there's a lot going on it's very popular you not feel like though it's same all right instead of having an otter train a child pay the parents train a child well you can't you can work an otter to death more than you can work a child to death

Speaker 1 Yeah, I guess. Yeah, children, you know, I mean, look what happened at the Stranger Things kids.
They're all damaged. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they shouldn't have been, they shouldn't have been working so hard all those years. Yeah, they grew up and they got weird looking.
Yeah, you can't, you can't, I mean, like, oh, God,

Speaker 1 talk about someone to save them from David Harper. Oh, my God, David Harper.
David Arter. David Otter.
No, David. Well, David Harper's not, he doesn't do bad with the kids.

Speaker 1 He's just an irresponsible husband. Well, no, he's an asshole to Millie Bobby Brown.
Yeah, everybody's an asshole. You're right.
I mean, I heard Millie Bobby Brown.

Speaker 1 God knows what goes on down there, man. I think she's all right.
I heard some stories, man. I bet you have, man.

Speaker 1 She killed somebody. She killed people.
Yeah, Millie Bobby Brown. Bobby Brown's, man.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 No one coached her on that name.

Speaker 1 No one told her. No one told her, hey, there's this guy.
Yeah, she actually, weirdly, right before she died, Millie Bobby Brown went and found Whitney Houston's daughter and beat the shirt off.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just to the sake of it.

Speaker 1 I mean, actually, Whitney Houston's daughter died the same way Whitney Houston did. I know.
Very long time.

Speaker 1 I know it. You probably know.
It's extremely sad. You know what they could have used? An honor.

Speaker 1 See, then

Speaker 1 makes sense. It's a shallow bathtub.
An otter really could have

Speaker 1 saved both of them. Very much so.
Yes. Out of a bathtub, out of a hotel bathtub.
Yeah, we did. An otter can save you.
So we need to give the otters to the hotels.

Speaker 1 Actually,

Speaker 1 I'm the first time I'm agreeing with you today.

Speaker 1 Release them to the hotels. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Let them slop around. You can keep them in a wet trench in the kitchen.
Yeah. How long can you really relax in a bathtub if there's an otter in there? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Flop, flop, flop, oh, I got to get out of here.

Speaker 1 And keep that new lay meridian

Speaker 1 otter bathroom timer. Man, this guy, I'm like obsessed with this.
I know it's going to come out tomorrow, but this influencer passed away in a horrible accident or a horrible incident.

Speaker 1 And I hate to be so morbid that I really need to know what happened. God, this is our, this is a true

Speaker 1 microcosm of what we deal with here: is that we are not hoping that this

Speaker 1 influencer. His name is, what was his name? His name is Michael Durate.
And he went by,

Speaker 1 he went by food with bare hands.

Speaker 1 That was his name. But every picture I see of him with food, he's got gloves on.
Yeah, which is a misnomer, and I already don't trust him. But apparently he was a lovely man.
There's a ghost.

Speaker 1 He saw me on the school. He seems very cool.

Speaker 1 But this is the problem is that Eddie got right before the show, he got so for clamped because legitimately he was like, I...

Speaker 1 Know that this is going to have a really grisly end, and I'm hoping that it'll be good for the show. And I said, Eddie, I think it might just be really sad.
Oh, but it's definitely really sad.

Speaker 1 But I'm just saying there's no question about it being really sad. His death might be very sad.
I know his death is sad, but no matter what happened.

Speaker 1 But I know it's like as soon as we're done recording, there's going to be like, oh, he got fucked to death by bears. Yeah, if he got eaten by a llama.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, then it's not as sad anymore, unfortunately. Yeah, you got to shoot out with a bunch of aliens.
Yeah, like that. And again, it's not that your death's no longer sad.

Speaker 1 It's just then also your death is entertaining.

Speaker 1 The thing, the reason I got so obsessed with it is because I've read like 10 articles about it, and then some of them called it an accident, and some of them called it an incident.

Speaker 1 And that's the part of it that kind of flipped me out and made me think of it. It might be something.

Speaker 1 Maybe it's because people don't understand how to use the sources. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But, you know, if it was a car accident, it's an accident. Agreed.
There's no car incident.

Speaker 1 No, a car incident is like, I took my car and I drove it through the mall. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's a car incident. That's a car incident.
Yeah, yeah. Like the car is dangling off a bridge.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I would say that. Yeah.
No, I, I, uh, it is very specious. We don't know yet.
There is a GoFundMe up there to support his family. Help them out.

Speaker 1 And you could check that out. What is it? His name is Food with Bare Hands.
Food with Bare Hands. Yeah.
Go check that out. But yeah, we don't know.
And I'm really hoping that

Speaker 1 this is one of those funny things where you also what happens inside stories a lot where we will like sing the praises of somebody we don't know you know and be like oh this wonderful man I can't believe he died in this accident.

Speaker 1 You know, we're going to say, like, because I try to make sure I shoot right down the middle. I don't consider anybody good or bad unless I know him.
Yes. Right.
So this guy.

Speaker 1 Even them are wrong sometimes. Always.

Speaker 1 And I don't know this guy, right? I don't know this guy. So there's a,

Speaker 1 I'm just hoping that by tomorrow it doesn't come out and it turns out he's

Speaker 1 both. I'm hoping he's not a predator.
Doesn't seem like. But I also hope he's not the most heroic man in the world.
So that I don't know. I think he's a predator in like the classic sense of the word.

Speaker 1 He's eating animals. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, he's like, yeah, he's like, he goes and he's like, he eats barracudas and stuff like that.

Speaker 1 So this is our boilerplate statement to say if he was a really awesome guy. Great.
We love him. I hope he's...

Speaker 1 He has kind eyes. He sure.
He no matter what his crimes are, his eyes are kind. So did Ed Temper.
And he also, if he did really, really bad things, we disavow him. Yeah, he's got an evil mouth.

Speaker 1 Yes, if there's another... So I just want to cover that entirely.
So in case whatever happens tomorrow in the news,

Speaker 1 if he's good, we like him. If he's bad, we hate him.

Speaker 1 But rest in peace. Rest in peace either way.
You know what else I learned though? I would just rest.

Speaker 1 I was trying to find what happened, and I'm digging on all of them. And I got to say, the comments on TMZ are brutal.
Yeah, they really don't. They really are brutal.

Speaker 1 They're like, oh, they have a GoFundMe, and they're not telling us the cost of death. Oh, that was

Speaker 1 stuff like that. Yeah.
They often don't, guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They often don't. It's not like you get to pay to go fund me, like, all right, I'll give you go fund me.

Speaker 1 Let me see the autopsy picture. But meanwhile, like, you know, I'm obsessed with it too.
So, am I just as bad? No, because you're not begging for his autopsy pictures.

Speaker 1 No, I don't want to see the pictures. I just want to know what happened.
I just want to get a whack at his corpse once. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Again, if he's a good guy, we're sorry and we love him. And if he's bad,

Speaker 1 we hate him. And I hope that he burns in L.

Speaker 1 So let us go to, I think we got some listener stories.

Speaker 1 That's really good. That's cool.
That's a good one. It's really good.
All right. I got a couple of long ones, so I'm just going to jump in.
Golden State Killer Penis Length, the Size of a Pinky Tip.

Speaker 1 The DA says the new book. This story is called Haunted Fred Outs.

Speaker 1 It's a new TMZ story. I mean, it seems like

Speaker 1 it's our wheelhouse. I don't know.
Goldstein Killer was brought in by Justice, part of it because of his micro-penis. Yeah, the new book says about it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It says smaller than the tip of his pinky finger.

Speaker 1 Thank God. All the news.
That's fit to print. Yeah.

Speaker 1 There we go.

Speaker 1 That wasn't in the talk. No.
For some reason.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it wasn't in that whole thing about Patton and Oswald's wife. It was a five-part series.
Not one. Didn't put the tiny pinky penis in there.
Our favorite part? Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right, what are the people writing you? Here we go.

Speaker 1 Haunted frat house.

Speaker 1 I belonged to a co-ed sorority frat that I'll just call a frat.

Speaker 1 It was isolated in the middle of nowhere in a very economically depressed area, so it wasn't the kind of fancy frat sorority you think of. Missouri.
Yes.

Speaker 1 It was like a really bottom-of-the-barrel, disgusting shitpile of frat, which is hilarious. Arkansas.
The house was built in the 1870s and started being a frat house around the 1980s.

Speaker 1 I think that it had accumulated all the energy from the brutal hazing and all the SA that happened over the years. The ghost activity would always kick up when hazing season was happening.

Speaker 1 All my stories take place between 2012 and 2015.

Speaker 1 Like Eddie mentioned, we had the most common trope of things disappearing and reappearing in strange places. Footsteps and doors doors opening when there was no one in there.

Speaker 1 Once one of the girls blew out her vape and it briefly formed the outline of a person in front of us before dissipating. That's cool.

Speaker 1 Once I was alone in my bedroom watching a movie on my laptop and I felt something tug hard on my earring. I yelled nope out loud and ripped them out and never wore earrings there again.

Speaker 1 Just do the studs. I mean, who knows? Things can really pop out.

Speaker 1 Another time I had my debit card in the coat of my pocket and hung it up on the back of my door in my locked room at the end of the night.

Speaker 1 In the morning, I went to get my coat, and the entire coat was gone from the hook. I searched the entire house, top to bottom, and the coat was just gone.

Speaker 1 After two days of not being able to buy food, I finally went downtown and got another card.

Speaker 1 When I came back from that trip and locked my bedroom door, the coat with the now defunct debit card was hanging on the back of the door where I'd first left them. Sounds like a prank.

Speaker 1 I mean, who knows? But this one.

Speaker 1 The biggest and freakiest of all the encounters was when I saw a full apparition.

Speaker 1 It was just briefly, but I know what I saw. We had some girls pledging sleeping on the floor of the living room.
We were about to wake them up to do a fucked-up hazing thing.

Speaker 1 I'm working on this through my therapy. But at this point, they were all still asleep.
The rest of the sorority was in the room behind me.

Speaker 1 quietly milling around, getting things ready, trying not to wake the girls up. It was about 2 a.m.

Speaker 1 While I was standing in the the doorway watching the girls, I noticed a figure out of the corner of my eye. In the room where the girls were sleeping, there was a staircase leading upstairs.

Speaker 1 Lights were on upstairs, but off downstairs, creating this weird backlit effect.

Speaker 1 Vividly, I saw a small creature about the size of a child crouched down on one of the stairs and staring out at myself and the girls sleeping on the floor from between the vertical wood bars of the staircase.

Speaker 1 Could have been a hairless dog. Definitely.
I didn't realize what I was seeing and it was initially really confused.

Speaker 1 I was confused because I knew all the people in the house who were either right behind me or sleeping in front of me.

Speaker 1 I looked behind me really quickly to check, and when I looked back, the figure was gone.

Speaker 1 All right. So, this one I do have.
So, let's pick one of two because I think we're running out a little, we're running out of time on here. We're getting there.

Speaker 1 I think I can do the two, right? Do whatever you want. It's your show.
It's our show. Oh, you're right.
So, do one.

Speaker 1 Aliens coming out of the the ocean.

Speaker 1 My best friend and her boyfriend were visiting Hilton Head Island in South Carolina.

Speaker 1 On the first night there, they were on the beach and saw what they described as a shooting star but brighter go down from the sky into the ocean off the coast nearby.

Speaker 1 They didn't really think much of it, but in the context of what happened the next night, they ended up thinking this shooting star was possibly not actually a shooting star. Cloverfield.
I hope.

Speaker 1 On the second night, they went to spend a bit of time on the beach directly behind their hotel, looking at the stars on a big blanket. They went to fuck.

Speaker 1 The only light that was the moonlight and the starlight, as they were far enough from the hotel to avoid light pollution, so you could see shadowy outlines of everything, but no detail.

Speaker 1 They were laying there for a while. Eventually, things settled down with party goers from the hotel behind them going to bed, and it got a little bit more quiet and solitary on the beach.

Speaker 1 After a little while, they were very surprised to see a shadowy visage of a single figure exiting the ocean in a straight, direct line, slowly and steadily, in front of them down the beach.

Speaker 1 They remarked to each other that it was weird and dangerous to be swimming alone in the ocean at night. Up in Jersey, we don't fuck with the riptides, especially down the shore.

Speaker 1 Not just that, that's when sharks feed. Especially not at night, exactly.
The figure stood there for a minute.

Speaker 1 and then started to act strangely, moving jerkily around the beach, running fast to one side and walking really slow the other way. Oh, I thought jerkily was like,

Speaker 1 Basically, moving around erratically. My friend's boyfriend told her to just stay down quiet and still so the person wouldn't come over and bother them.

Speaker 1 Again, in Jersey, we're used to tweakers, right?

Speaker 1 Then the figure started to make odd sounds. He would alternate between shrieking a high-pitched, unintelligible language.

Speaker 1 They said that it sounded vaguely Asian, but they couldn't identify or recognize it as any known Asian language they knew of, and it had a very low, deep tenor male voice speaking in English.

Speaker 1 They started to get weirded out, a little scared with this guy going back and forth erratically and changing his voice back and forth, so dangerously close to them, hiding in the dark.

Speaker 1 Her boyfriend dubbed, I don't know. Yeah, it's weird.

Speaker 1 Her boyfriend even went so far as to whisper to her to hold one of the stakes that he was holding their blankets that was holding the blankets of the sand in her hand because the strange man was making him so uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 At this point, they were thinking waste of steak. I know.
Oh,

Speaker 1 you fucking idiot. At this point, they were thinking he was definitely deranged or on drugs.
Then the man abruptly stopped and went to stand at the shoreline by the water.

Speaker 1 Much to the horror of my friend and her boyfriend, other figures started to file two by two out of the water to meet the man. Pilgrims.
Who knows?

Speaker 1 They're late. Better late than never.
It's Cheech Marin. That's why I said it like that.

Speaker 1 From Ghostbusters.

Speaker 1 Two figures would walk out of the water, meet the man silently silently where he was standing at the water's edge, and walk off in opposite directions down the shoreline without saying a word.

Speaker 1 One left, one right. Two more would walk out and do the same thing.
Filing out of the dark ocean in the middle of the night in an orderly fashion.

Speaker 1 All in all, about eight figures in groups of two filed out from the ocean to meet the man and walked on the beach without a word.

Speaker 1 At one point, two teenagers with phones came walking down the waterline. My friend and her boyfriend could see the lights of their phone screens glowing on their faces.

Speaker 1 They walked right past the quote-unquote man and literally didn't even see to see him standing there.

Speaker 1 This freaked my friend out because he was acting noticeably strange and they walked within inches of him of him.

Speaker 1 At this point, with a little distraction, my friend and her boyfriend retreated backward toward the hotel a bit and they decided to watch him from a

Speaker 1 safer distance back on the sand. They watched him stand there for another hour and a half in the dark.
And then suddenly he was gone. Hmm.
You know, I'm sure this happened in a way, but

Speaker 1 I just like, I hate to be this guy, but when you tell someone else's story, I lose all interest. That's the problem.
It's somebody else's story. I want to

Speaker 1 find the people and send them to us. If this is indeed real, I want to talk to them because that is a very interesting story.
And I wonder whether or not it is.

Speaker 1 I mean, it just sounds really strange. Yeah.
Very strange. Seems like a good story to tell your friend and lie to him.
I mean, I love lying to my friends. Yeah, I know.
This is some physical email.

Speaker 1 I truly love lying to my friends.

Speaker 1 I live every day to lie to my friends, and I laugh every day. I lie to my friends.

Speaker 1 What is this real weird big box you're handing us from?

Speaker 1 Rob is giving us mail.

Speaker 1 Oh, mail? Okay.

Speaker 1 Read the note first. Read the note, Henry.
It must be good if he's making us do it. All right, here we go.
After hearing mention he's straining his back, trying to suck his own dick, I did. Yes.

Speaker 1 And then hearing Ed suggest he put a stroker in his mouth to help provide an extension, a light bulb went off of my head.

Speaker 1 Being a sales rep zero tolerance i wanted to provide a few options for henry to be able to try ed's suggestion i send a few including my number one favorite item we manufacture as a bonus zero tolerance sounds frightening

Speaker 1 oh my god oh my god no take the foot one take out the foot one oh god eddie what is it zero tolerance is it a knife no

Speaker 1 because there's a knife company called zero tolerance no it's a foot you can fuck oh it's a It's a foot-based flesh. Oh, and you fuck the bottom of the foot.
You can fuck it through the hole of it.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's cool. It's fucking real.
Yeah, it is, Eddie. Pussy foot.
Pussy footing around. There you go.
That's for you. Oh, this is amazing.

Speaker 1 I want this one. This is shaped like Danny Daniels.
This is her vagina and angel stroker. I guess they call them strokers instead of fleshlights.
Oh, because they don't want to get sued.

Speaker 1 Because that's the thing. You kept saying fleshlight, and that's why she kept saying stroker.
Like, I would know what the hell that meant. Yeah, yeah, stroker.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 So this is lisa ann's vagina and her anal interanal oh okay

Speaker 1 holes i guess this is like do will they feel different i'll never know do how far does it go do they put the mold in does it go up to their like how deep does it go in i just don't understand the foot thing because like it's like does this person want to bang christ i just don't know yes yes i guess i just don't that's oh this is a big mouth that's just a mouth well they really sent us a bunch of fuck toys what i will say though is thank you so much, Club.

Speaker 1 Club, which one do you want? Yeah, Goddess or you.

Speaker 1 Here it again is.

Speaker 1 Listen, I saw, what's her name? Sasha. What's her name? Sasha Gray.
Sasha Gray. This is my question.
You're right. So

Speaker 1 the depth is for,

Speaker 1 you know, it's pretty good. I just don't understand.

Speaker 1 My question was fucking the bottom of a foot, like it's a sore.

Speaker 1 This is disgusting to me. No, that's normal.
That's what people like. What do you mean? The foot? It's like the palm of a foot.
Yes. The only thing is the most popular thing is that.

Speaker 1 This is the most popular one. Yeah, but I guess because it's not an option.
I will say none of this helps me bring my penis closer to my mouth or extend my mouth. Unfortunately, it doesn't wish to.

Speaker 1 It also just looks like a sad person, like a person who can't put their tongue in their mouth. Well, yeah, that's what it's for.
Did you open that one?

Speaker 1 I'm curious about that one. Oh, this is the mouth one? The mouth one.
I'm very curious. Because, like, is the tongue always out or does it, like, come out? No, tongue's always out.

Speaker 1 Tongue's always out? Well, no one likes that. I mean, you say this, Eddie.
I just don't know if you're used to it. It just looks like a sick person.
Yeah, of course it does. Oh, it has grippers.

Speaker 1 Wow. Yeah, it looks like, yeah, you're just going to slam your, you're going to slam it all in.
It's got a uvula. Make it talk.
Make it say something. Hello.

Speaker 1 Patreon.com. You want to give out the patreon?

Speaker 1 Dog needs a toy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, you'll destroy this. It's bad for him.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 Go to the LP on the left for all of your social media needs and go to lastpodcastonleft.com. Buy tickets for a live show.
Yeah, that's right.

Speaker 1 This is the new opener. Yeah, we got.
Guess what? If you're getting this message and you want to come to the Columbus show, there's 10 tickets left. All right.
There's 10 tickets left at Columbus.

Speaker 1 That's on November 30th. Go get your tickets to that.
Henry and I, of course, will be at Wise Guys on December 7th in Las Vegas. Check that out.
And then.

Speaker 1 We're hitting Alaska. Dude, just jerk off.
Just jerk off. This is so expensive.

Speaker 1 And I collect, thank you. Zero tolerance.
There are people that love this.

Speaker 1 I'm glad you're making your money. Thank you.
So, honestly, I'm glad.

Speaker 1 Whatever this does to help people, but just straight up, guys, if anybody sees this in your home, they will never touch you ever again. I think this is for people who have given up.
Yeah, I know that.

Speaker 1 This isn't for someone who's like trying to get someone home. They're like, no, I got a mouth.
You're going to wait.

Speaker 1 I got a mouth at home. Don't worry.

Speaker 1 If you are at this point, I mean this. If you're at just the mouth, I actually have to

Speaker 1 do that. I actually have no problems with

Speaker 1 the vaginas and the buttholes. I think that makes a lot of sense.
The foot, I don't like.

Speaker 1 This makes me sad. Yeah.
Because guess what? This also can say, I love you.

Speaker 1 It can say whatever you make it say. No, the only thing it's going to say is, oh,

Speaker 1 because you fucking ram jam its throat. I do like that, you know, you really can't tell if it's a man or a lady.
I don't like the fact that it has no eyes. It's almost like the, it's like...

Speaker 1 You're just fucking a disembodied hole. If alien was a porno, this is like I guess that's what this one makes me sad.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 by the way, I'm gonna be in Oxnard on uh January 4th. That's a Sunday.
Come check that out. They got Carolina Hidelgo, Julia Johns, and Holden and Jake are gonna do a set.
Do you have any stamps?

Speaker 1 Yeah, do you need me to do any stamps? Because unfortunately, there is no natural witness. How much material do you have, disembodied mouth?

Speaker 1 You got five minutes? I'm new.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm new. My message is pretty broad.
Myself is pretty broad. Anybody know what it's like? Anybody else get

Speaker 1 anybody around you everybody gets so fucked so hard in the back of your throat that you wonder if you're just some kind of silicone too? Yeah, I miss my eyes. I miss my eyes.
I miss my eyes.

Speaker 1 I miss I miss my eyes. Yes.
February 18th, it's a Wednesday. I'll be in

Speaker 1 San Francisco.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's going to be a lot of fun at the punchline. Yo.
With Grant Gordon. He's going to be there.
Oh, you wouldn't even believe how much I missed my eyes. Hey, oh, it just turned Irish.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, yeah, no.

Speaker 1 Thanks, Colette. Thanks, Colette.
Yeah. Thanks for the mouth with the tiny lips.

Speaker 1 I hope that you're getting it well, Colette. Yeah.
Well, thank you guys. It's been a

Speaker 1 wonderful episode of Side Stories. Eddie.
What? Thank you so much for everything you brought to today. Thank you.
I appreciate it. I didn't bring nothing.
What are we supposed to do with this?

Speaker 1 I guess we could sign these and give them away.

Speaker 1 Every time I see something like this, I'm like... Holding might like that one.
No, Holding gets nothing. Holding gets nothing.
Holding gets nothing. Holding gets nothing.

Speaker 1 If anyone gets this, it's Travis. Oh, yeah.
Go, no.

Speaker 1 What do you mean, no? You need something with foot.

Speaker 1 No, no, no. No, no one with a wife.
No, but no wives. Honestly, we need somebody who has like a dead wife.
You know what I mean? Like, that's what this is for. This is for somebody with a dead wife.

Speaker 1 If you're a widower and you want a foot to fuck, write in a side stories, L-P-O-T-L at gmail.com and the widower with the saddest story.

Speaker 1 If you have the saddest story,

Speaker 1 we will send you this. I'll sign the foot.
You could fuck the signed foot. Yes.
And just, yeah. But we want to get the saddest story possible.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to reach out to you.

Speaker 1 From a widower. Yeah.
A widower. Yeah.

Speaker 1 How did she go? All that stuff. Yeah.
Yeah. What'd she take? Yeah.
And how you feel like you can't, you know,

Speaker 1 you're having trouble talking to women again

Speaker 1 because you're just sad and you think of her and you miss her feet. Yep.
If you miss her feet. If you miss her feet, we'll send you one of these and we'll send you some Funko pops to get you going.

Speaker 1 Yeah, pussy footing around. And you know what? It says it's got a depth of nine inches.
So you could take a

Speaker 1 big one. Thank God, because I'll need every inch.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Oh, the insertible length is only five and a half.
Oh,

Speaker 1 what am I going to do with all that trash? What am I going to do with all the rest of my cock?

Speaker 1 All right, guys. See you in Vegas.
See you in Vegas.

Speaker 4 I earned my degree online at Arizona State University.

Speaker 4 I chose to get my degree at ASU because I knew that I'd get a quality education, they were recognized for excellence, and that I would be prepared for the workforce upon graduating.

Speaker 4 To be associated with ASU, both as a student and alum, it makes me extremely proud. And having experienced the program, I know now that I'm set up for success.
Learn more at ASUonline.asu.edu.

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