Side Stories: Blowin' Bubba

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Speaker 8 there's no place to escape to this is the last podcast on the left

Speaker 8 side stories

Speaker 8 that's when the cannibalism started

Speaker 8 side stories yes

Speaker 8 yes man so this weekend

Speaker 8 i oh i had a bunch of great plans uh-huh what did you try to do you didn't come to san diego to see me perform comedy that didn't want that That wasn't one of my plans.

Speaker 8 Yes, there would have been great plants. I supported you emotionally from afar.
You did. I did.
I know.

Speaker 8 Actually, I felt it. Yeah.
I'm glad. But I, Saturday, everything got canceled.
So I was sitting in the house. I have all this great new weed, right?

Speaker 8 And so I just. We should have a trim session.
Maybe this week. We are.
I think we are, right? We should. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I had a

Speaker 8 like a breakthrough alone,

Speaker 8 as stoned as I could get. Okay.

Speaker 8 And I went down this

Speaker 8 very long rabbit hole on ancient Greek and Roman music. Oh.

Speaker 8 And found all this stuff here. Play this first clip.
This is the dialos. The dialos.
It's two flutes. So the guy puts two flutes in his mouth.
Oh. And he plays them at the same time.
Just like Trump.

Speaker 8 Oh, he's blowing. He's blowing the living hell out of him.
But here, look, listen to this. So, this is called the Diaulos.

Speaker 8 I like this.

Speaker 8 I like

Speaker 8 this. I like flutes.
I like medieval style music. Yeah.
No, this is very Ewok.

Speaker 8 There's something about it. It gets you kind of going in a way.
It's mysterious.

Speaker 8 We need to get this to the Rizza.

Speaker 8 Yes! Gigong!

Speaker 8 Look how hard that is. Like, this guy's playing this.
He's playing two flutes at once. They're all in his mouth, man.
Hell yeah. This is a guy named by the name of his name is like Krikiki Olmashniki.

Speaker 8 What's his name?

Speaker 8 Dude, I could fucking kill somebody to this. That's what I'm saying, dude.

Speaker 8 Callum Armstrong. This is the...
So this is the guy. I'm like, swinging a mace.
Yeah, I mean, that's what it's for. Yeah.

Speaker 8 This music is being played on an aulos, which was actually the aulos that they have at the Louvre. That they now build

Speaker 8 flutes off of that aulos at the Louvre in order to play them more regularly.

Speaker 8 Dude, they weren't trying to steal that.

Speaker 8 I got so scared alone. I bet.
Just pretending that I was in an ancient temple.

Speaker 8 I think this is the guy you need to hire to score your movie.

Speaker 8 I think he might be difficult.

Speaker 8 Anybody that plays flutes like this for a living is both wildly poor. I'm sure, yeah.
I don't know if you can see it. But he also has an email address.
No, But also very, very

Speaker 8 difficult. Imagine we just kept this on the whole time.
Yeah.

Speaker 8 He doesn't seem difficult. No.
He seems nice. But they use circular breathing.

Speaker 8 So that, like, you know, the idea that you never stop, you never stop blowing. Fuck yeah.
You're always blowing. I'll learn that shit.
It's circular breathing, not the flute. Not sucking dick.

Speaker 8 No, no, no. Welcome to Side Story.
It would be good for our bongs, though. It would be huge.
My name is Andrew Zubrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson.
Hello!

Speaker 8 what a fun week. There's just something about it.
It let me, it kind of brought me into just how fun this week is. It really was.
Because this is arguably one of the

Speaker 8 thickest side stories news weeks we have ever encountered. Yes.
Besides, yeah, I mean, I don't know, when Epstein first killed himself or didn't kill himself, or like that was a big day.

Speaker 8 Remember when Art Bell died? When L Art Bell died, that's what started Side Stories. Oh, okay.
Really? Like, we decided to step up to the plate.

Speaker 8 So, to this week, it's kind of special because it sounds like the whole world has got Epstein fever.

Speaker 8 And we have a bit of an update, don't we, Rob?

Speaker 1 It's an island adventure.

Speaker 8 Yeah, it's an island adventure.

Speaker 1 Heck yeah, it's Jeffrey time.

Speaker 8 Yay!

Speaker 8 Jeffrey Epstein is crushing it from hell. Oh my God.
He's a fucking big, he's a big time guy now. He is his name.
Wow, old Jeff is crushing it. He has never been hotter.

Speaker 8 So we now know right now, the House of Representatives did pass a bill to release all of the Jeffrey Epstein documents now that Trump so bravely came forward this weekend and said, yeah, sure, vote for him just because he can't deal with the fact that his entire party is caving out from underneath him.

Speaker 8 Yeah, one dude still is like, don't release him. One guy.
One guy. One guy that is strong.
No.

Speaker 8 No, I will not know. I do not want to know.

Speaker 8 But it's very funny. But we'll see if it gets through the house.
Now we're going to see if the bill gets through the Senate. We're going to see if Trump actually signs it.
I dare him to sign it.

Speaker 8 I can't wait.

Speaker 8 It doesn't even matter because since the final threat came out about this dossier of information, finally. Where do we get all these emails from, by the way?

Speaker 8 So this is a, we're seeing a sort of information arms race happening from within the U.S. government to the American public.

Speaker 8 Well, the first email that came out that was the first line that showed up that House Democrats released had Jeffrey Epstein emailing a, I believe he was emailing Ghislaine, and he said, this is in direct words.

Speaker 8 I want you to realize that that dog that hasn't barked is Trump. Victim, taken out, spent hours at my house with him.
He has never once been mentioned by police chief, etc. I'm 75% of the way there.

Speaker 8 Epson then says Trump never got a massage, but he was there and he knew everything was happening, specifically that he told Ghislane to stop trafficking minors into Mar-a-Lago. That's another one.

Speaker 8 We're going to get caught. Yes.
And then one of the, a lot of these emails came from House Republicans that were collected by a reporter, a piece of slime by the name of Michael Wolf. Yes.

Speaker 8 That has been waiting for someone to pay him enough money to give them, give out this information. I mean, I've never seen a person like paint themselves as a hero like this.
He's such a fucking

Speaker 8 holding on to the shit we've needed for a decade now. He is such a fucking slime ball.
I cannot stand that man.

Speaker 8 I could not fucking, I don't care what he's at, but he finally released some of this information as well. That's a part of where these emails came from.

Speaker 8 And his, I follow him, and just like his stupid, smug, fucking, well, Jeffrey did this, and Donald does this. And so this is why we should be looking at that.

Speaker 8 You had this fucking info from the very, very beginning. But now we know that he also came, he released this info where they were talking.
I believe Jeffrey Epstein was speaking with his brother. Yes.

Speaker 8 And

Speaker 8 it's coming out of nowhere. We have to, it's like it's season three, They got a new cast member.
And all of a sudden, like, it's like we have to, like, oh, we have to know who this guy is now. Yeah.

Speaker 8 So these new emails, right? So the first one says this concept about the idea of him saying, do you have the pictures of Trump blowing Bubba? Yes. So this is the thing that comes out.

Speaker 8 Now we know that I forgot who he was in communication with, but it was Jeffrey Epstein's brother that came out and said he wasn't referring to Bill Clinton.

Speaker 8 Can we play the little other track that I wanted you to play, Rob? There's no video of President Trump sucking a ding-dong.

Speaker 8 And so, what if there was? Wow. That's a lot better than World War III, Owen.

Speaker 8 See, that's Alex Jones seven years ago saying that he would have loved to have seen him blow somebody instead of start World War III.

Speaker 8 But now we're starting to see that he's going to start World War III in order to keep people from seeing him blow somebody. But I think that the statement about this is a, it was figurative.

Speaker 8 As much as I would love to just make this all about him, like, blowing Bill Clinton. I did not.
He, I, first off, like, I, I, there's a lot of problems with this email.

Speaker 8 And I think personally, I know we don't agree on this, but personally, I think this email is going to end up like discrediting all of the emails.

Speaker 8 Well, only for the truly stupid and bad actors that are trying to flip everything. They can use that maybe as a wedge to make people not believe in the rest of the emails.

Speaker 8 But it's more if you pull your head out of your ass, you see that that was a joke. It's a joke about

Speaker 8 Trump doing,

Speaker 8 facing, defacing himself in front of someone else. And I feel like that's kind of where we're going to see.
Now,

Speaker 8 the fact that we would think that Trump would actually take the time and effort to pleasure somebody. Suck someone to culmination.

Speaker 8 I just don't think he has it in him to do something that nice for somebody. I don't actually,

Speaker 8 truly, I don't know if he has the physical strength. I don't think, yeah, I don't think he's going to be.
I don't think it's even about that. I don't think he could.
You're right.

Speaker 8 I don't think he could physically sustainably suck a penis

Speaker 8 for the amount of time that it would take for that man to come while Donald Trump is the one sucking your penis. Imagine Trump like physically on his knees for an extended period of time.

Speaker 8 Oh, just the noises and the farts and the stuff just coming from that.

Speaker 8 He's not physically fit.

Speaker 8 There's no way he could actually handle a cock. And he'd be chewing on it.
It'd be a whole lot of problems with it. So he's not going anywhere.

Speaker 8 Yeah, I don't think he's eating women out, doing any of this stuff. So in response to this first series of emails, the Republicans thought,

Speaker 8 all right, we'll release a whole chunk of them and then we'll see what you do then. And none of these will show anything.

Speaker 8 They firmly show.

Speaker 8 It is wild what they released as a way to, I guess, discredit, because they wanted to then release a dump that was more Democrat focused.

Speaker 8 Right. And we're all like, couldn't possibly give a fuck.
Like, literally, none of us give a fuck. You're talking to the wrong people.
We don't care about that.

Speaker 8 It's interesting because we've turned on our own. So religious.
It's like it's finally coming full circle around. We're turning on our own.
It's like coming in our favor.

Speaker 8 It's finally happening correctly. Right.

Speaker 8 But so they didn't release all this stuff. And all it really does to me, which I find fascinating, is I read through a bunch of these emails.
There's ways to find them out.

Speaker 8 Now you can search through them all. It actually illustrates more Jeffrey Epstein and his position in his social network.

Speaker 8 Because you have all these nerds emailing Jeff saying, you know, like asking him like gangster questions. And then he acts like a gangster to these other nerds.
And so he's the sexually evolved one

Speaker 8 amongst these like truly dead in the pants. like experts at all these various cryptic sciences that he was working with, especially more towards the end of his life.

Speaker 8 Also, with the Epstein emails, we know for a fact that he was so heavily involved with the White House during Trump's first administration that he was, the friendship emails between Jeffrey Epstein and Steve Bannon are so putrid.

Speaker 8 They're so, both of them talk like the only way to describe it is it reminds me of me and my shithead little edgelord friends when we were like 14 talking about chicks and talking about doing all this.

Speaker 8 And it's just, it's on email.

Speaker 8 these guys are pathetic yeah it makes you think about every email you ever sent nope it's good to know it's always all out there and also the fact that these guys also find it interesting that a bunch of guys act like they are the masters of the universe and the masters of women and men when they have to pay for it all.

Speaker 8 They have to pay for the sex and not even the sex. That's the above board sex work.
I'm not even talking about just the sex slaves and the children that you are raping.

Speaker 8 They all act like that makes them evolved, right? That they are, he's so evolved.

Speaker 8 And so Trump as well, Trump tried to stop the train of miners coming into Mar-a-Lago because he knew eventually it was going to come about, especially when he was becoming president of the United States of America.

Speaker 8 Yeah, he's like, oh, we should stop this now. We should stop this now.
We should stop this now before I have to do something about all of you.

Speaker 8 And he did. And then he did.
Because I do believe then the order for for possible. I also love this new little conspiracy theory that Jeffrey Epstein himself was MK Ultra trained to commit suicide.

Speaker 8 Okay. And that there was a trigger message that someone went in in the hour that was cut of that footage.

Speaker 8 And instead of him killing himself voluntarily, he killed himself involuntarily, which I actually think that could be, I mean, that's a wild theory. And MK Ultra has never worked otherwise.

Speaker 8 So I don't know how it would work now. I think, you know, I think we've talked about this.

Speaker 8 It was just you, you've, you travel in that shit, and you know that whenever you get caught, you will have to kill yourself. I also think that's the same reason Nazis carried cyanide in their pockets.

Speaker 8 Of course, you don't get them the, you're not going to give them the

Speaker 8 comfort of the punishment of me. You're not going to get, you're not going to get closure.

Speaker 8 Yes, you're not going to get any closure. I also,

Speaker 8 I wonder if he,

Speaker 8 like in this whole suicide bit,

Speaker 8 actually delivers the cyanide pill he's been wanting to deliver to Trump all along. Okay.
So, what we're actually seeing is the real plan come out now.

Speaker 8 So, now it's too late for Trump. It's too late for all these other people.
They're all in charge. They're all like, not only are they in charge, but they're also completely exposed.

Speaker 8 So, now it's almost like Epstein's getting his revenge from Beyond the Grave. Yeah, man.
And hopefully, some of these other mysterious deaths around Trump start showing up. Get every one of them.

Speaker 8 I want everyone arrested. I don't care who they are.
No one does. No one does.
No one on the correct side does. Nobody gives a fuck.

Speaker 8 But you want to go through these emails and enjoy yourself. They are, it is interesting.
To me. Esteem calling Trump the worst person he knows.
It's very interesting. It's very interesting.

Speaker 8 That's crazy. Warning the other traffickers.

Speaker 8 Watch out for this guy. He's going to hurt our product.
Well, because what he also knows is that Donald Trump is the single most disloyal human being to ever exist.

Speaker 8 So he also knows that Trump, while he's as bad of a predator as he was, so he's also collecting compromise. Everybody's got compromising information on each other.
That's this idea.

Speaker 8 It was involving this mutual protection. That's what they're even saying.
It's a part of the reason why they're not releasing the rest of the documents.

Speaker 8 It's because of how many Democrats are involved.

Speaker 8 And it's like, again,

Speaker 8 I want the government to start over. So I couldn't give a fucking shit.
I like three Democrats officially. I don't like, you know what? I don't even want like the ones I like.

Speaker 8 I don't even like the ones I like. The ones I like, I want them to act like robot dogs and do my fucking bidding.
They're all failures. You're a public servant and you've all shit the bed.

Speaker 8 Each one of you sucks dick. So I don't give a fuck how many of you get arrested.
Yes, it would be fun to watch everyone go down and just start from scratch. Just start from scratch.

Speaker 8 That'd be fucking really cool, man. I would love that.
Oh, God. Yes, but so it's fun.
It's fun to watch. And no one, no one is, speaking of hating Democrats.
Quiet piggy. Fucking.

Speaker 8 Quiet piggy. Hillary really just like will never catch a break.
Not a single

Speaker 8 fuck for like a moment.

Speaker 8 I don't care at all. Fuck that bitch.
Fuck her, but yeah. Yeah, honestly.
It's so funny.

Speaker 8 Oh my gosh, no. All this, like, finally, vindication on emails.
And then, like,

Speaker 8 we look into the sixth email, and it's like, is he blowing your husband? Yeah,

Speaker 8 every time. And you know, every time she starts the fight again,

Speaker 8 for like a minute,

Speaker 8 a minute. And then

Speaker 8 you just see Bill like lock the door to his study. He's like, he's in there.
He's trying to watch the Alabama game. You know, like, just trying to just sit inside, just trying to be in like, maybe

Speaker 8 I do feel my own pain. And I wonder wonder maybe if I just spontaneously combust.

Speaker 8 You know, like for like one, he had to, for like one minute, look his wife in the eye and be like, no, that man didn't suck my dick. And then had to explain it to her.

Speaker 8 Because this whole thing, because I wasn't bad. I was actually at that moment, he couldn't have been sucking my dick because I was having sex with,

Speaker 8 oh, God, I was having sex with. Miranda Kudgel, who ran the pharmacy at the Wynn-Dixie, you know, like in Alamedo, Tuscaloosa.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, God, he's looking like a corpse.

Speaker 8 You know, if Trump did suck Clinton's dick, he should have kept his dress. Wow, yeah.

Speaker 8 Oh,

Speaker 8 with Thanksgiving, I'm going home. I gotta go back to Cincinnati for Thanksgiving.
And it's not that going to Cincinnati stinks. You know, I like it when I'm there, but it's the traveling.

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The price of plane tickets have gone up so much, it's ridiculous. I'm sick of it.
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Speaker 1 It's the quick and easy app that gives your HR, sales, and marketing teams the power to create on-brand content at scale. Ensure everyone follows design guidelines with brand kits and lock templates.

Speaker 1 Give them the confidence to create with Firefly generative AI that's safe for business.

Speaker 1 And make sure your brand is protected, looks sharp, and shows up consistently in the wild. Learn more at adobe.com slash go slash express.

Speaker 4 Hey, Ryan Reynolds here, wishing you a very happy half-off holiday because right now Mint Mobile is offering you the gift of 50% off unlimited.

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Speaker 5 And Mint is still premium unlimited wireless for a great price.

Speaker 8 So that means a half day.

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Speaker 8 But the news, it just kept giving this week. It wasn't just our wonderful updates.

Speaker 8 So this is another questionable.

Speaker 8 This is a questionable

Speaker 8 this whole thing, man. What is this?

Speaker 8 Okay.

Speaker 8 We, for years, for years, we've talked about Hitler. And he said, we just did

Speaker 8 six episodes, 13 hours of Nazi footage. We joked a lot about Hitler's micropenis and there's a lot of talk about him

Speaker 8 one ball ball everybody has right in a and apparently that's a rumor that had started at the time in in during the war the one ball thing uh by his tailor

Speaker 8 yes

Speaker 8 i guess who i mean i don't know but it's it's funny because there was like a big thing so i wanted to go to this and this news hit the everybody everybody saw i again one of the top stories that was sent to me all week yes hitler is now confirmed to have a micropain assistant.

Speaker 8 How is he confirmed? Okay, so I looked into a little bit more how this happened.

Speaker 8 So this was all done for a documentary series for Channel 4 on BBC called Hitler's DNA Blueprint of a Dictator, where this company has been doing these sort of

Speaker 8 kind of like gotcha

Speaker 8 salacious DNA tests that they're showing on television. If we never found his body, how do we have his DNA? So what they have found is they believe they have a bloody swatch

Speaker 8 from the couch in which he killed himself. Oh, right.
So for a long time, it was debated about whether or not the couch was real, or this blood was real, and actually it belonged to Hitler.

Speaker 8 It wasn't until finally, like five or like five years ago, because they had a really hard time finding a direct Hitler descendant that would come forward to reveal themselves.

Speaker 8 I thought all of his descendants said they swore to not have kids, to kill the bloodline. They are, it's like a whole thing.
It's like a whole thing because he has cousins.

Speaker 8 He's like people of the Hitler family, right? Yeah. And so finally, a member of his family came forward and agreed to take the corroborating DNA test.
They took the DNA test, and it looks like

Speaker 8 it's pretty close to it's a match.

Speaker 8 So they're pretty certain that it's real, that this is actually finally proof that it was Hitler's blood, and that they did a a full-on genome breakdown of him, which just feels like a sci-fi fucking

Speaker 8 thriller gone wrong. It sounds like the beginning of a thing that we shouldn't do.
Yeah. Because that's the building blocks of how to make another one.

Speaker 8 It would be fun to clone Hitler just to shoot him in the head.

Speaker 8 Just keep making its baby just to kill him.

Speaker 8 Oh, my God. Two through your 50th, Henry.
Oh, my God. You could go to Germany.
Germany, clone Hitler, and start now and then kill him as a boy. Yes, that's it.
Dude,

Speaker 8 and then we raise DNA, duplicated Hitler's, and we basically give them cancer. And we test technology.
Why are we doing this?

Speaker 8 This was actually, I mean, I don't think there's the laws against killing clones yet, are there? Not yet. Yeah.
Dude, this is a really good idea. Dude, this is what Dubai needs.
Yes.

Speaker 8 Out of everything in Dubai, this is exactly like this new one. Fuck the new Abu Dhabi Disney world.
We'll look alike. This is like, yeah, we could kill a clone Hitler.

Speaker 8 Put him in the outfit. Clone Hitler.
Clone Princess Diana. Oh, my.
Get him married to His Death. You think it's like hitting Hitler in the head with a hammer? Oh, my fuck.

Speaker 8 This is a really good artist. I'm a Barry Chaplin Hitler.
I don't even bring money for this. I want this in the world.

Speaker 8 I want this in the world. We're cloning a Hitler army.

Speaker 8 Kill it. Well,

Speaker 8 we got so excited. Put your head on it.
Eddie, we got so excited. Let me get back to the news story.

Speaker 8 Drowned and come? Yes. God, I want this.
Wow. Just so much of Jewish come together.
Oh, my God. And we can just drown an infant version of baby.

Speaker 8 And we can, if baby Hitler, we can fill that chamber with cum and drown it in Jewish cum. Yes.
Oh, my God. Wow.

Speaker 8 I'm getting hard. I'm thinking about this.
I feel like that would fix a lot of stuff.

Speaker 8 I feel like there's a lot of complicated feelings around.

Speaker 8 And that could fix a lot of stuff. We're going to get all my Jewish friends together.
I'm like, hey, we're going to have, we're playing Ookie Hitler.

Speaker 8 I'm going to, first of all, like, I'm already hearing the emails about eugenics and stuff and just say, it's not real.

Speaker 8 It's not real. It's not happening.
Okay, we're not going to do it. We can't do it.
I'm not as good at science as you think I am. And believe me, if we could, we would.

Speaker 8 Okay, unfortunately, yeah, we would. But it's not real.
So before you write the email, it's not real. We're not going to drown a cloned infant of Hitler in a basket of Jewish cum

Speaker 8 because it's going to be hard.

Speaker 8 There are a podcast network, and the podcast network's already too busy to pull this off. This is really difficult.
Yeah, yeah. Kelly is slammed.

Speaker 8 She's really busy. I felt really bad because I asked her if she had an extra charger.
And I was like, she's busy.

Speaker 8 And I'm like, I need this charger to keep my computer on so I can do these shows.

Speaker 8 But I felt like she's busy. So Kelly can't get this DNA Hitler clone going.
Not yet. So we're looking for actually some freelancers.
I probably can talk to my family about the come. Oh, yeah, sure.

Speaker 8 I could probably, there's a couple of guys that are. And I'll just throw some non in there anyway.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So non-like it's in like just me, yeah,

Speaker 8 talking about

Speaker 8 bread that comes with your vindaloo.

Speaker 8 That's only if you're surfing. I pulled up pictures of non.
And that's only if you're surfing. In case we were curious, only if my surface was, come dawn Hitler's infant as an hors d'oeuvre.

Speaker 8 Then it would go good with a nod.

Speaker 8 But anyways, because that's where the swap sticker came from, India. All right, let's come back.

Speaker 8 So they've sequenced his genome, and they discovered that it is true that he had a thing called Kalman syndrome. Kalman, Mr.
Banana. So this is Kalman syndrome.
It means you can't smell.

Speaker 8 You just yell at your tiny penis and you come on!

Speaker 8 Come on!

Speaker 8 Come on!

Speaker 8 But what happens in this is that it fucks your sexual development. It fucks up your sexual, secondary sexual characteristics, like your balls and and your penis.
A lot of people have micropenises.

Speaker 8 And that took me into, so now we're saying Hitler probably

Speaker 8 at least had a micropenis. Minimum.
And yes. So that's interesting, right? That's great.
Awesome. But then I went into a little bit more of research of who else had micropenises.

Speaker 8 We now know that Santa Claus. Very old.

Speaker 8 That's why he's so busy. It's so cold up there.
Yeah, it's hard. He just keeps it inside.
His belly keeps it warm, makes it small.

Speaker 8 I'm just kidding. He does it for the hose.

Speaker 8 That's funny.

Speaker 8 But Napoleon Bonaparte had a penis that was 1.5 inches long. Well, that's because they were only boning apart.

Speaker 8 You got to take the whole thing. But he was quite the romantic.
He left this guy. No, it was French.

Speaker 8 But one of my favorite ones I saw, but they're normally like they got big penises. Well, romance.
Yes. The romance part of it.
They're good at it. He's good at talking.

Speaker 8 But this guy named Little Jimmy Scott.

Speaker 8 Now, little Jimmy Scott, he was a jazz singer from back in the day. Okay.
And he had Kahneman syndrome, which means he had a micropenis.

Speaker 8 But he used to sing lots of songs because he had a super high voice because it stayed super high because he had a micropenis. And that actually brought quite a bit, a bit of people to his side.

Speaker 8 And he actually did a series of covers.

Speaker 8 He did nothing compares to you. He did Jealous Guy.
Jealous Guy? Yeah, which great song. Love that song.

Speaker 8 I do jealous songs. You could

Speaker 8 relate to micropenis.

Speaker 8 her two.

Speaker 8 I love Donny Hathaway's jealous guy is one of the greatest songs. I made you cry.
Woo-hoo.

Speaker 8 It's a special song. It is.
I love the Donny Hathaway version of it. But yeah, he's a, but that's a special guy with a little penis, and he was really great.

Speaker 8 Also say Killer has a micro penis, apparently. Not a special of a guy.
But Jimmy, little Jimmy, little Jimmy. So it doesn't make you a horrible person.
You could just become Frankie Valley. Oh, yes.

Speaker 8 What are we thinking here? Whoa, he also performed the song Sycamore Trees in the climactic final episode of the original Twin Peaks. Oh, there you go.
So he is quite.

Speaker 8 So, again, yes, you're right, Eddie. That's kind of why I brought him up.
Because I think a lot of times we,

Speaker 8 a micropenis will make you mean. A micropenis will make you surly.
But I think that it's important for you to know that a man's not just a penis.

Speaker 8 A man can also be a singer,

Speaker 8 a murderer, and a statesman.

Speaker 8 Yeah, no, I looked up who in history had micropenis, and it's just Hitler, Hitler, Hitler. Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler.
Because a lot of them, the rest of them,

Speaker 8 they are more

Speaker 8 rumored to have.

Speaker 8 Yeah, no one's really mentioning it. Oh, my God.
If you just, I mean, I know some people have micropenises that I even can't say. I will say.

Speaker 8 I know somebody who has a micropenis that you would be so surprised as a micropenis. Well, they sent Jean to Georgin has a fucking micropenis.
I will say that.

Speaker 8 Wait a second. Isn't saying James Vanderbeek's got a micropenis? He's sick right now.
That's not

Speaker 8 sad. Don't do this as James Vanderbeek's George Clooney.
Oh, come on. Oh, they're just coming for the handsome ones.
Whatever. Yeah, Colin for

Speaker 8 pictures. He does have a little British girl.
Oh, that's Colin Gerth.

Speaker 8 He's a grower, not a shower. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But he also had a very big bush in the picture. Rob, can you do me a favor? Can you just throw a micropenis into the Wikipedia for us real quick? Sure.

Speaker 8 It's really sad. I want to find out who the guy is in Micro

Speaker 8 The guy that is the picture of it is so either proud or sad. Look at that.
Wikipedia has pictures of

Speaker 8 tiny ticks.

Speaker 8 What I love is that it just says

Speaker 8 I donated to Wikipedia. It just says it.
I'm doubling my donation this Christmas. My favorite is the caption.
It's just an adult male's micropenis in its flaccid state.

Speaker 8 Oh, there's a close-up of the erect one, Henry. It goes three inches.
Look at that.

Speaker 8 Three inches? You would think it would be small. Oh, those are are centimeters.
It looks smaller when it's big. Those are centimeters.
Wikipedia? Yeah, buddy. Wikipedia is loving them.
Oh, wow.

Speaker 8 That is quite. Oh, this is all bad.
Wikipedia. Wikipedia.
Yeah. Damn.

Speaker 8 So, just again, if you have a micropenis, please email me, sidestories lp-ot-l at gmail.com. I think it's fine.
I kind of want one.

Speaker 8 I don't want one, but if you have one, what do you do with it to make it better? You don't make. It's not about making sex better.

Speaker 8 There's other things to do, but it's not about, it's about eating pussy, pleasuring, and reading. I think it's a lot of reading.
I think it's a lot of writing. I think it's a lot of sculpture making.

Speaker 8 I'm trying to think what else. John Hopkins Hospital, the center most known for this approach, performed 12 such reassignments from 1960 to 1980.
Most notably that of David Reimer. Sorry, David.

Speaker 8 Whose penis was destroyed by a circumcision accident? I don't even know. That's crazy to me.
What were they doing? Destroying a train car?

Speaker 8 Yeah, like who was

Speaker 8 in the back of a fucking escalator? You know what? Let's let the chimp do this one. Oh, shit.
We got to take the canyon.

Speaker 8 Oh, my God. Tell me you sterilized these.

Speaker 8 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 8 Oh, wow. He took way too much off the table.
Summer subjects of the surgery vocal about their dissatisfaction. Here, legitimately, this website is showing the tiny penises of this man.
Yeah.

Speaker 8 That is so funny. Wow, Richard Davis.
Richard Dreyfus is a sexual penny. David Harbor.
We know

Speaker 8 David Harbor is. He's a sexual deviant.
He's just got a small penis, and so does Richard Dreyfus. I just saw his small penis.
And Richard Dreyfus, I understand.

Speaker 8 He's small. He always has to say who he is.
Oh, weird. It is Dreyfus.
It's just little penis. Yeah.
It is cute. It's weird.
Why are they showing us this? Oh, all right. We can do it.

Speaker 8 I think it's good for actors who do sex scenes because the actress doesn't have to worry about stuff. Well, just put a fake one on for the camera.
Also, yeah, these guys aren't doing nudity scenes.

Speaker 8 I don't trust this website. What a website is this? No, that was.
Look at the penis. This is menembarras.home.blog.
Oh, okay.

Speaker 8 This guy's just holding a fish. Menembarras.home.blog.
Yeah, I don't think I trust this one. He's holding on there.

Speaker 8 I feel like he's a permanent men embarrassed. It's hard flaccid syndrome.

Speaker 8 It's a rare choir condition that characterizes by a flaccid penis that remains firm, semi-rigid state in the absence of sexual arousal. Oh,

Speaker 8 is that really a problem? I'm looking at him. I just looked up Richard Dreyfus nude.

Speaker 8 Richard Dreyfus nude. Oh, this is.
Oh, the movie's called Inserts. Oh, that's not good.

Speaker 8 All right, let's get to some stories, Eddie. Let's get to some stories.
How about this? How about this? I was fucking right. I was

Speaker 8 right. All right, so last week.
I was correct. All right.
So last week, I don't know if that makes me a good person or a bad person.

Speaker 8 We, first of all, want to reach out to the family members of this person and say we're sorry, but last week we were completely correct. I'm a guy by the name of Michael Dwarty.

Speaker 8 He goes, he's a food influencer by the name of,

Speaker 8 it's food with bare hands. Yes.
Yes.

Speaker 8 And last week it said that he had died in an accident or incident. And before that, we were like, you know, we always catch the story right before we record.

Speaker 8 I scramble every time before we come in here to find one thing that's popping because of the curse. Yes.
You know, it's just like every single time.

Speaker 8 So this one, I found this guy and I'm like, accident, incident. No one's saying exactly what happened.
Was it a car accident that happened in Texas? It seems kind of crazy.

Speaker 8 And I was like, it doesn't seem right. It doesn't seem fishy.
You heard the show last week. Yeah.
But we look into it. Two days later, comes out shot by the cops because he charged him with a knife.

Speaker 8 Yeah, buddy. He goes, fucking screaming.
I'm going to kill you.

Speaker 8 I'm just like, what the fuck? That's an incident. It's just like that is an incident.
Yeah.

Speaker 8 That is most assuredly an incident. You know, that is just so like, well, the guys

Speaker 8 just are

Speaker 8 everybody's insane, Eddie. Yes.
Everybody's insane. I mean, this guy, obviously, like,

Speaker 8 he seemed on the level fine. He seemed nice.
He seemed whatever. He seemed like just a guy that does his food influencer material.
You never know.

Speaker 8 You literally never know. But also, you know what you do know? And I'll say this.

Speaker 8 The jobs.

Speaker 8 Personage job.

Speaker 8 Description is influencer from what I've met the influencers that I've met. I've met some that are extremely normal and fine, but I mean it.

Speaker 8 It's a troubled group. It really is the only profession that makes me proud to call myself a podcaster.
Well, it's like, at least we're comedians. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, at least we have that.

Speaker 8 At least no matter what, we have, we're not just telling people to just buy things. Yes.

Speaker 8 But he's.

Speaker 8 This guy went off the fucking rails. I think that he was spending too much time alone.
Oh, yeah. You know, food with, you're sticking in the woods.
You know, you're just eating random shit.

Speaker 8 You know, like, it's crazy. But yeah, I know.
So he charged the cops and they killed him. No, he is, uh, yeah, so you just, uh, you just never know who you're dealing with.
Yeah.

Speaker 8 Speaking of, this is another story from this week that you didn't like it, but I thought it was kind of, it was interesting. It's mostly just

Speaker 8 talk about it. Maybe I didn't read about it in the I have to deal with this with my, I had to deal with this with my mother.

Speaker 8 Upper Arlington man told police he killed his wife after sex tortion threat. So this guy, James Stephen Hill, 76, he's charged with aggravated murder and the death of his wife, Mary Kathleen Hill, 64.

Speaker 8 This is from Arlington, Ohio. Okay.
So a

Speaker 8 horrific place.

Speaker 8 But they went and they called. Apparently they showed up.
He had done, he'd given himself a stab wound to the chest and he had stabbed his wife to death because he was getting sextorted.

Speaker 8 So this is like a new thing amongst the elderly. And it's about whether or not, and it turns out it's real.
So this guy got talked into either by a human or a bot to send nude pictures of himself.

Speaker 8 He's 76 years old. He sent nude pictures of himself to a bot or a human.
We don't know quite yet. And then that bot or human said, Give me $15,000 or I'm going to send these pictures to the internet.

Speaker 8 Yeah. And so he killed his wife.
And then he tried to kill the dog. He couldn't get the dog.
The dog was too fast. And then he tried to kill himself.
And I guess he was too fast.

Speaker 8 And it didn't work out. So,

Speaker 8 but it really comes to this this

Speaker 8 one talk to we have maybe five 70 plus listeners i've met them

Speaker 8 i've met them we've met them all we've met some somebody came to the the on the cruise yeah no there's always like one old person is like you know what my kid got me into it you got him funny

Speaker 8 but i will say this i want you to know that let's say this even happens First of all, what are you doing? You're 76 years old. Stop taking pictures of your fucking penis.
Also, no one wants to see it.

Speaker 8 But all, but and conversely, if we were to see it, it would not be a scandal. The internet is far more salacious than that, James Stephen Hill.

Speaker 8 I really hate to break this to you, but no one cares about you or your cock. Your penis is not worth $15,000.

Speaker 8 They could show it at church and the news is so fucked up that everyone would forget by next Sunday. It'll just roll over.
So never do it.

Speaker 8 You might have just been looking for an excuse to kill your wife. And I'm saying right now to our listeners, you don't have to make up an excuse.

Speaker 8 Just do it. You know what I mean? If you need, if you're going to do it, just do it.
Because this is an excuse.

Speaker 8 If you're over 70 and someone wants to publish pictures of your tits, you should thank them.

Speaker 8 Also, how gnarled and horrible is your penis that you think your wife won't want to live anymore after other people see it? So embarrassed by...

Speaker 8 Well, he thought he would just be so embarrassed by the scandal of his penis hitting the internet. And it's like, bro, you're not Chris Helmsworth.
Yeah. Nobody gives a fucking shit.
So you just like.

Speaker 8 If you took pictures of your cock and put it on the internet yourself, you'd be so sad when you saw how many little people

Speaker 8 would give a fucking shit.

Speaker 8 Because you're all.

Speaker 8 I got seven clicks. That's it.
That's it. Nobody would even care, dude.

Speaker 8 The president of the United States is a pedophile, an active rapist who has probably fucked his own daughter. Nobody cares about your tits or your penis.

Speaker 8 They just don't care. So if you're going to,

Speaker 8 that is why I'm telling this story. Is that the sextortion to old people is on the rise.
It's happened to my mother. My mother called me.
I've already told the story on the show, but it's true.

Speaker 8 She called me going, I got an email. saying they had naked pictures of me in the shower.

Speaker 8 How did they get the pictures? And it's like, they didn't get the pictures, mom. Yeah.
There are no pictures. And again, if there are,

Speaker 8 no one fucking

Speaker 8 you should be so lucky. Yeah.
You know what I mean? No,

Speaker 8 she get hitched up right away. I mean, you know, she already got it.
It's already getting dick thrown at her either way, but it's all from these poor ass guys. That's the thing.

Speaker 8 These dudes are just so broke.

Speaker 8 Stay away from me. If you're going to try to sex with my mother, get a job.
Yeah, get a goddamn job or have some fucking independent

Speaker 8 something holy

Speaker 8 you know what also problems with florida it's all these boomers they're all running out of money that's a big thing we're about to hit two big things in our generation one is the fact that everybody over the age of 75 literally has zero dollars they have nothing everyone's in a rude awakening when their parents die and the ai wall is about to hit like a mother fuck so remember that as well the idea of generative ai is going to hit a wall pull your money out now yes no man it's fucked up.

Speaker 8 It also, you know what? This thing is happening more and more because I've gotten those emails. It was, it was funny because I got one.

Speaker 8 It was like, we have video of you masturbating and we're going to post it all over the internet. And I was like, ha, go ahead.
Sure. Yeah.

Speaker 8 Come on. I'm like, yeah.
You know, it's just like, who cares? Exactly what I was saying. Because you know who taught us that? Was David Letterman.
Yeah. David Letterman went through so many.

Speaker 8 Like, think about this. This is in the pre-like cancel internet world.
He went through several. And he did it all very publicly.
And massive scandals. And he took them right on the mouth.

Speaker 8 Like I know he can. He has like kind of like the obviously male privilege and the power of money.

Speaker 8 But that's an example of somebody that stood up and owned his scandals and stepped in front of the scandals.

Speaker 8 And that keeps you from getting blackmailed is by just telling everybody somebody's blackmailing you. Own the ownership.

Speaker 8 Us as a people want you to embarrass yourselves because we embarrass ourselves every day. Yeah, man.

Speaker 8 At the show this weekend in San Diego, we were doing brighter sides at the end of the show, just kind of like, you know, talking to the audience and having some fun.

Speaker 8 And someone in the front audience, front row, was like, my father got catfish for $12,000. Yeah.
You know, and it's just like, God damn. And they were asking for the brighter side.

Speaker 8 I was like, well, now you own your father. Yep.
And I was like, that is the brighter side. But the problem is when you own your father, ooh, man, the rates for fathers is dropping.

Speaker 8 Let me tell you that.

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Speaker 8 There's a story that I'm obsessed with, and it's like still developing. You do your story because this other story is developing, too, and I want to get into it.

Speaker 8 Yeah, so I just kind of want to talk about it and keep our eyes on it.

Speaker 8 And one of those things where, so they've talked about this before, but they're starting to get more proof there's an investigation that has opened up into a claim that back in the 90s during the bosnian war okay during the bosnian war this shit's fucking fucked they would hire russia would hire um tourist snipers from mostly from italy and they would come and spend lots of money in order to snipe women and children that bosnian women and children and then so depending on who they shot that's how much they would have to pay and it was all in the the disguise of war.

Speaker 8 Evil Italian fucks would pay money to go shoot, to be able to do sniper tourism, is what they were calling it.

Speaker 8 And it's very interesting because it's the same Italian crew that Silvio Berlusconi and the Italian Trumps came through. And that whole thing is very, I bet you all that shit touches fucking tips.

Speaker 8 It says that they spent over $100,000 for the experience and as many as 100 people from various countries had taken part. no it's a that is a and it's real that's a horror movie man yeah so go

Speaker 8 keep investigating this shit and find those motherfuckers it's never too late yes and to nail their ass to the goddamn wall

Speaker 8 that's such a crazy i never even would think of that like just like not only that are you committing fucking war crimes, you're making money off of them.

Speaker 8 But this is one of those where

Speaker 8 this is a story that we're hearing that's probably one of countless stories that have happened within the spheres of war

Speaker 8 all over the world and through all time. Yeah, well, we know, but it's different.
Yes, when it's different when you hire the mercenary and then you pay them to kill the people.

Speaker 8 This is like they're making money. Like, I feel like that's the thing.
I'm just talking in general. I'm just talking in general about how much money is to be made in the spheres of war and how

Speaker 8 that's why they have a vanished, that's why massive nations have vested interests in doing wars is because everybody makes money on it.

Speaker 8 You know, it's weird is I'm talking about this right now, but in the beginning of the show, I was offering money to kill a clone of Hitler. You were.
But that's fun. Again, that's fun and science.

Speaker 8 That's something else. That's a thought exercise.
And it, again, I do think it will help. It is a thought exercise.
It's a thought exercise. Yeah, yeah.
I don't think I could actually kill a baby.

Speaker 8 I mean, it depends on how fucking. I mean, if I accidentally sat on one, but it wouldn't be,

Speaker 8 that would be an accident. That would be supposed to be like, why'd you leave your baby on the couch? Dude, have you ever, have you been following?

Speaker 8 Have you been following the story of the guy that let the baby in the hot car?

Speaker 8 And this story is,

Speaker 8 I'm going to take this back. Can't come soon enough.
This good. This story is, it's out of Arizona.
This guy, he left his daughter. in the car outside in the driveway and he went in.

Speaker 8 He had been doing, he has two other kids too. His wife's a doctor.
He's been, what's his name? What's his fucking idiot's name? This dead idiot, Christopher

Speaker 8 Scholes. I didn't know that.

Speaker 8 I think Scoltz. He committed suicide because he just got a

Speaker 8 20 to 30 year. He just got a 20 to 30 year manslaughter charge with aggravated murder.
I mean, 20 to 30 year was actually, he took a plea. He pleaded guilty and he took a plea.
And

Speaker 8 going into jail for accidentally murdering your daughter is not a good way to enter into jail.

Speaker 8 And you go into big-time jail. Like he was not going to, they said if it would have been, this is a fucked up statement to say, he would have been safer if he had done a sexual crime against her.

Speaker 8 Wow, because to protect him. Because he'd go in with the other sexual offenders and they keep them separate, where he would be going into the murder end of the pen with the big boys.
Yes.

Speaker 8 And he was not ready to be amongst the big boys. They would have destroyed him.
He would have not have lived. I don't think he would have lived very long.
I think he would have had a very tough time.

Speaker 8 Arizona's got tough prisons. Yes.
And so I think that he's a very soft man.

Speaker 8 If you watch the body cam footage, I think that's the worst part is that I will say this, and I mean this in all in truly nice.

Speaker 8 I did technically compare this guy to Holden because he reminded me a lot of Holden.

Speaker 8 Oh, I remember this now. It's because the guy comes out and he's like, what do you mean I'm under investigation for murder? Oh, and he keeps trying to shower.
He's like, laid down and took a nap.

Speaker 8 I was like, oh. Well, it's because he's completely checked.
Well, he was smoking weed all morning. And this is one of those, it's a horrible

Speaker 8 kid was in the car. He's a very, he's a, and it wasn't one time.
They said that it was at least 20 times that he had been leaving the car, the kids in the car, and his wife was a doctor.

Speaker 8 He's a stay-at-home dad. Oh, come on.
That's all you do. She was a stay-at-home dad.
You don't do anything else. Exactly.
And so for a while. You're so fortunate in life.

Speaker 8 Dude, you get to be a stay-at-home dad. The wife ran his whole life, and the wife was trying to, they were going to do the whole trial until the worst part came, which they were trying to hide.

Speaker 8 Then, of course, it comes out in Discovery was the fact that he was watching porn on his phone while the daughter was dying in the fucking driveway.

Speaker 8 He left her alone in the driveway for fucking three hours. And then when they came out.
I came out of porn. Oh, yeah.
Well, he played video. He smoked a bowl, played video games.
jerked off.

Speaker 8 And then when that information came out in Discovery, they were like, we don't need a trial. He'll plea because, but it was too fucking late because that genie was out of the bottle.

Speaker 8 They were trying to keep that information hidden.

Speaker 8 And then they realized, like, once they found out, once the other prisoners found out that you were just playing video games. And your daughter

Speaker 8 died horrendously. And she had been, he had been doing this dumb shit thing of leaving the kids in the car.

Speaker 8 And he had put a new Peloton in the driveway, which is how he was doing it before, pulling the cars into the driveway and then keeping the house air conditioning would also be going so that no matter what, even when the car automatically shut off, they'd be fine inside of the garage.

Speaker 8 But because he had bought a brand new Peloton, they couldn't pull the car into the garage, which was why the car was sitting in the driveway.

Speaker 8 Also, leaving a car on in the garage, we know is a bad idea as well. This man is truly was, this was going to happen.
And it happened to him, and it's an extremely sad story.

Speaker 8 And then he committed suicide. God damn it.
It actually also, to be honest, it seems to maybe have, I don't think it saved the family anything.

Speaker 8 I think that it is going to, it just obviously destroyed that family from the inside out. I got to say, women, higher your standards.
You know, it's not even, it's just.

Speaker 8 I mean, this is like, this guy's worthless. He can't even hold a fucking job.

Speaker 8 But it's also, to me, it's more just understanding the what's fucked up about being a 40-year-old guy, new dad, and stuff about like

Speaker 8 when you don't maybe understand just how serious everything is is now

Speaker 8 in your life. Yeah, children are very fragile.
It's real serious. Yeah.
And that it comes on you like a fucking freight train. And there's no training to be a dad, right? There's none of that.

Speaker 8 There's some training. I mean, there's books and classes and shit.
But I will say, all of our friends that have children are as big of an idiot as that guy.

Speaker 8 And they all have lived, they've all kept their child. No, no one's as dumb as that.
But I just mean, I love our buddies.

Speaker 8 I'm just saying, I would, if you've told any one of our friends that have kids that they have kids 10 years ago and you told me that, I'd I'd laugh to the fucking bank, right?

Speaker 8 But the fact that now that they have kids and the fact that they just have to keep them alive shows them that you just, you know, it's one job. The guy, one job.
I'm too selfish.

Speaker 8 That's why I don't want to have kids. Cause like your life doesn't belong to you anymore once you have kids.
It belongs to the kids. You have to keep your head in the fucking kids.

Speaker 8 You're not you anymore. Yeah.
You belong to your kids. Yeah.

Speaker 8 And then when you fuck up like this, you deserve what happens. You know, and that is just, it's just a brutal story.

Speaker 8 And I guess at first it was making me not laugh, but it was making me only just because I could just. The stupidity of this man.
It was watching, I just there, but for the grace of God, go holding.

Speaker 8 But at the same time, set an example. They always do this, bro.
You know, every single documentary was like, no one woke up that morning thinking that it would be 9-11. You know what I mean?

Speaker 8 Like, yeah.

Speaker 8 No one expects 9-11. If you expect the bad thing to happen, you're doing the bad thing.
Yeah.

Speaker 8 Fuck that motherfucker. All right.
Well, I think we did far too long. It's fine.
Whatever. I am going to.
We have emails about elephants. We got emails about...

Speaker 8 Let me just do this one email.

Speaker 8 Let me do this one email about elephants, and then we'll go. I am going to save

Speaker 8 these brutally sad widower emails for the stream. So next stream.
Is that an advertisement for the stream? Yes.

Speaker 8 Next stream, on last stream on the Left Live, you're going to watch us read these extremely sad widower emails, and then we're going to give them a brand news, fresh out of the box. Foot shape dildo.

Speaker 8 That's right. You're going to vote.
Are we giving it to us? On the saddest story. No.
Oh, wow. So we're actually going to tell one of these sad guys their stories.
And sad enough. It's sad enough.

Speaker 8 Yeah. And this one's just going to be you and I next stream.
Yes. And we're just showing what we're saying.
It's one guy. One of them is that it is going to be the most sad.

Speaker 8 And unfortunately, four other guys, it's not going to be sad enough. Can we, guys, if you sent in one of your widower emails, can we get a picture too?

Speaker 8 I think it really helps with the sadness.

Speaker 8 Even if it's a picture. Honestly, if you can handle it, we'd love it.

Speaker 8 Like, if you think you could handle it, not fucking flip out or whatever, that'd be awesome, honestly. If you could send us pictures of your dead wives as well.

Speaker 8 We have to give them something if they lose.

Speaker 8 The losers, no, their story wasn't sad enough. They don't get to fuck a foot, but they maybe, like, we have other people.
We only have the one foot.

Speaker 8 We got a mouth, too. I'm not keeping the mouth.
No, we're keeping the mouth. You want the mouth? That's a great character.
Oh, okay.

Speaker 8 Well, we also have, like, the other ones that are, um, we got the Luby that they sell

Speaker 8 two vaginas down there. Yeah, and we got two actual.
Oh, yeah, we got just straight up fuckable pussies. We can give them these.
Yeah, and we didn't even open or mess with those.

Speaker 8 No, I don't want any fresh. Those kind of make me feel weird.
Yeah, I don't like those. No one's based on real widowers.
They could use them. They need it.

Speaker 8 But then I guess that's the thing is that this is safe.

Speaker 8 Unless we pay pussies for widowers. I love this idea.

Speaker 8 We're going to save.

Speaker 8 We're going to save the 2026 midterms with this.

Speaker 8 We're going to change the country with this. Because if we get them too busy fucking the shit,

Speaker 8 my new cause.

Speaker 8 Punch my troll winners.

Speaker 8 They can't get back out there. They're too sad.
They got everything. They just need to spend some time alone.
Honestly, women are fucking exhausted, man. Yeah, yeah.
And you already did one.

Speaker 8 Yeah. That's what I would say.
You already got one done. Why fucking get another one, dude? Fucking Fucking be single.
Be fucking awesome. Yeah? Go ride a bull every weekend.

Speaker 8 Go like go to the bar where there's the mechanical. I'm giving away million-dollar ideas left and right at the sky.
I know, man. I'm losing money by the second.

Speaker 8 We need to be somebody in Dubai, man.

Speaker 8 Here we go. Not the guy who just got chopped up in the desert, of course.
Well, that guy, he was bad with money.

Speaker 8 This is the elephant piss.

Speaker 8 I traveled with the Ringling Brothers Barnum and Bailey Circus, firmly owned as the greatest show on Earth. We traveled city by train.
The elephants would travel with us on their own train car.

Speaker 8 During load-in and load-out, when the elephants were practically standing around just waiting to go on stage, their caretaker team would have to follow them around cleaning up their messes.

Speaker 8 Each time an elephant would defecate, someone was there to catch it before it hit the ground. Arenas and civic centers, they hate that.
And poop wasn't that really of a big of a deal.

Speaker 8 They used to get mad when we put like popcorn on the stage. Oh, I remember that.
My dad used to bring the elephants through the Midtown Tunnel. This was actually a big thing.

Speaker 8 I remember that in Long Island City at like 3 a.m. He would, they would go, he took me once.

Speaker 8 That was actually one of the more magical experiences I had with my father, where he took me in the cop car and we got to follow the elephants and shit. It was fucking great.
That is pretty cool.

Speaker 8 You got set up front?

Speaker 8 Yeah. That's great.
Yeah, he only let me do the prisoner experience once. That's so cool.
I've never seen this. Yeah, dude, he's awesome.
Yeah, no, this is a big deal. My dad used to do this.

Speaker 8 But,

Speaker 8 but, oh, the piss.

Speaker 8 It's the piss.

Speaker 8 Someone would post up under the elephant elephant with a wheelbarrow and catch the piss.

Speaker 8 And then they would have to carefully walk the wheelbarrows outside where they would have to find a storm drain and dump it into.

Speaker 8 So much piss.

Speaker 8 Big wheelbarrows filled with piss.

Speaker 8 Was meant, made me laugh. Just the idea of it.
Oh my God. I didn't even think about that.
I wish my dad was around just so I could ask him about that. That's so funny.
Oh my. So much piss.
So funny.

Speaker 8 But yeah, we got all of these widowers. We're going to go through this widower stuff.

Speaker 8 I can't wait. You guys are sad as fuck.
That's what some of you guys are. Look at that.
That's a lot of piss. Yeah, dude.
Look at that fucking piss go that looks like me after my almost certain man.

Speaker 8 I've been going lately. It's been good.
I was talking about this with Jackie. That was like one of the main things that no one ever really

Speaker 8 planned told me about. What? As how much getting older as a dude would involve absolutely gigantic piss.
Yes. Well, you got to drink more water as you get older.

Speaker 8 And only they're taking blood thinners. So it's like, when I'm going, man, holy shit.
It's awesome. You got to get that chunky blood.

Speaker 8 What I'm saying, I got the big, you know, I got big piss, just like this guy. Look at this animal.
This is an elephant. We're just watching videos of elephants.
I mean, that's more.

Speaker 8 That's more than a wheelbarrow's worth of piss.

Speaker 8 There's no question. That's so satisfying.
It looks like me at the end of a fucking

Speaker 8 at the end of Super Bowl. You know what's crazy is like, as I get older, he'd be drinking Bud Light.
Every piss and shit I take as I get older is like a day changer. Sometimes.

Speaker 8 If it's good, yeah, good or bad. You think about it for hours.
Yeah, I've had good and bad of that. Yeah.
I've had the good ones that make me go like,

Speaker 8 I'm living every day the right way. Can I say that? And then I've had good ones.
I've had bad ones that make me laugh my way all the way to the fucking having the shower or showering my butt.

Speaker 8 But either way, I know for a fact now I'm going to love the fact that I'm regular. I was in a really bad mood before this, and I'm pretty all right now.
Yeah. And I want to thank you.

Speaker 8 I want to thank you. Because I came in in like a really bad mood, and I'm like, fine now.
Yeah, it was nice. You know what it was? What? I think it was drowning baby Hitler in Jewish cum.

Speaker 8 It really does kind of get you going. It makes me feel better.
Just thinking about it.

Speaker 8 Just thinking about it. Because also, as a baby, it can't grow the mustache, but I draw the little mustache on it.
Oh, of course. You got to draw the mustache.
Yeah, just so you'd remember.

Speaker 8 Every time you felt bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And plus, then it's... Because you're not jerking off in front of it either.
No, of course you're not jerking. No, you're bringing the cum from home.

Speaker 8 Yeah, I want that cum cold. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 8 I mean, I'm not putting it in the fridge. No, but I don't want it hot either.
Not really warm.

Speaker 8 No, I don't want it to be comfortable.

Speaker 8 You're right. It should be chilly.
Yeah, it should be iced. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 8 Cubes.

Speaker 8 Email us with some more ideas of what we should do with baby Hitler. Side stories, L-P-O-T-L-A-Gmail.com.
It's a clone. It's a clone.
It's not a person. It's not.

Speaker 8 Patreon.com/slash/slash podcast and the left. Help fund our dream.

Speaker 8 We will print celebrities to drown them and come.

Speaker 8 please if you help if we make enough money we will do this ourselves and if the person that gives me the the money that kicks like because it doesn't have we've been talking a lot about hitler it could be a lot of people yeah it could be winston church i think himmler is a great one him him if we could find evidence of his body they got rid of his body in an arm mark grave so it'd be very hard to find his body i would also uh tom brady just cloned his dog we could drown that and come Tom Brady?

Speaker 8 His dog. Oh, yeah.
He just cloned his dog. Oh, yeah.
Tom Brady, too. But it's not a, but Tom Brady's not a clone.
You You can't kill a person. Clone Tom Brady.
Clone Tom Brady.

Speaker 8 Then we can kill Tom Brady as a baby by drowning and come. I can also be Jewish.

Speaker 8 But I'm saying it's up for anybody who's paying for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're paying for it. Epstein.

Speaker 8 I mean, you know his DNA is out there. It is.

Speaker 8 Enjoy. Go follow us up and take a look at social media for all of that.
And LP on the left and all the social medias. Go to YouTube, at LPN TV.
We got a new vampire show, LPN L Proud RPG.

Speaker 8 It's Blood Bath. Go check it out.
It's really good.

Speaker 8 There's other shows.

Speaker 8 Do the ratings go down this week, do you think? Maybe. They went up, actually.
Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, that's nice. Yeah, great.
I couldn't even care. Yeah.
I'm going to care less.

Speaker 8 Hey, never mind. Oh, we got shows.
We got shows. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 8 Henry and I are going to Vegas to watch. Seriously, we are going to December 7th.
It's going to be great. Come out and see that show.
Yeah, it's going to be amazing.

Speaker 8 I'm also going to be at Oxnard Levity Live on January 4th with Carolina Hidelgo, Julia Johns, and Holden. And Jake will confront Holden about

Speaker 8 being a better father. No, he's actually a great father.
He's a very good father. Oh,

Speaker 8 we just like to make fun of him. He's a phenomenal father.

Speaker 8 February 18th, it's a Wednesday. I'm going to be in San Francisco at the punchline with Grant Gordon.
And then Henry and I are going up to Alaska with Billy Wayne Davis. Yeah.

Speaker 8 Anchorage on February 20th. That one's almost sold out.
Get your tickets to that. And cannot wait.
Fairbanks, Alaska on February 21st.

Speaker 8 Come and see that. It's been a great time hanging with you, buddy.
Enjoy yourselves. Have a great week.
And can I also hail Satan? Please. Hail Satan.
Isn't it nice? It is nice. Dude,

Speaker 8 you should have seen, we really freaked out the staff at the mic drop in San Diego coming out and just being like, hail Satan. It was just like the loudest.

Speaker 8 Like there sounded like there was way more people in that room than there really was. That's correct.
Y'all are fucking heroes. I love you.
Keep the fucking freaking out the squares.

Speaker 8 Nothing like screaming Hail Satan on a Royal Caribbean cruise while all of these people are watching it from the fucking balconies and shit was one of the funniest things ever.

Speaker 8 On the first night.

Speaker 8 Dude, when we went and we did, we were screaming Hell Satan and then we went to dinner and then someone turned to the, like, we were all sitting at a table and someone turned to themselves next door and they were like, that's one of the 500 Satanists that are on board.

Speaker 8 It's awesome.

Speaker 8 All right. See you fuckers.
See you next week. Peace.

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