411: Sisterhood of the Traveling Plants [ft. Natasha Vaynblat]

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It is a time of chaos.

Without a ruler, the galaxy is paralyzed by lawlessness, unrest, and of course the colossal, all wheat.

Which looks like what happens when gravity makes bad life choices.

Now, Captain Dar and their intrepid crew must survive the looming threats, reunite a fractured galaxy, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff.

This

is mission to six.

Hey, C-53.

Yes, Captain Girl.

Listen, I've been reading through

Captaining and You, How to Be the Captain Your Crew Deserves.

And, you know,

I've really failed in the department of rising above and bringing together.

Well, every captain has an area where they could

be sure, but I shouldn't have, you know, continued to challenge AJ to more arm wrestling matches once we got back on the ship.

Yeah, that admittedly was not a high point, but the fact that you're having this moment of reflection

in the future.

I mean, obviously, I stayed up all night thinking about it and trying to glue my horn back together.

Yeah, well, you should have a number on that horn.

Well, you know, when you lose that many arm wrestling matches, you just have to break something over your knee.

I mean, you get it.

You break stuff all the time when you're mad.

As a droid,

above these organic fits of emotion.

See, there's a hole in the Zalcatron 5000.

Okay, but

let me explain something.

AG,

Well, I'm used to having more fully

handled

and decided

that forced you to then dare you see.

I'm just going to respectfully step away from this touch.

C-53.

Yes, British.

Can you apologize for piercing the refrigerator?

Yeah, well, don't

have a conversation about it, but I'm happy to do a public apology.

Thank you, Mr.

Bridge.

Everybody gather.

Everybody gather.

Everybody gather.

Yes, everybody, gather.

Everybody gather.

Yes.

What's going on, Bridgie?

What's going on?

It is time for the time-honored tradition of a public apology.

From C-53.

Oh no, don't apologize.

That was so awesome when you pierced the refrigerator.

No apologies.

Don't do it.

I am a protocol and diplomatic relations droid first.

So, that's out the trout.

I'd like to say I'm very sorry for inserting one of my arms straight through the front.

Listen,

C53, you know,

I think the key is you gotta stop getting into these lifting competitions.

You know, just because you're a loader droid doesn't mean you have to try to lift everything.

Well, there's something about this frame that makes me want to lift.

Lift, bro.

And AJ probably is not helping you.

Stop kind of egging you on, I guess.

I'm grateful for my encounter with Oak Tree.

Her free code allowed me to resist the loader droid

every

15 minutes.

Thank you, Zelcatron 5000.

That's very kind of you.

Look at the Zalcatron 5000's surface.

Now, C-53, would you also apologize to Pooch the Toaster?

Oh, no, don't apologize to all the appliances.

To fish-fish the couch?

No.

And to bijue the window.

Well, okay.

I mean, you don't even have fungal.

Wait, Bargie, the window?

It's just a pane of glass.

It's not sentient, but it still has feelings.

Black.

Very disrespectful.

Very disrespectful.

Seems like a fine line.

Wait, Cleck, where are you going?

Remember, we're all we're all gathered.

Why are you going back to your rooms?

I got a little work to do.

I just got a little, you know, meditation to do.

Before we apologize, I'm out.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Here, come back in here.

Captain Dora wants us to bond more strongly as a crew and I for one agree.

This is how I have chosen to facilitate the delta.

What is it?

What is it, Dar?

Now, I may just be paraphrasing here from page 68 because that was in fact the last page I read.

But group unity isn't just about mental closeness, it's about physical closeness, okay?

We are going to become a physical unit right now, so get in here.

Is that in order?

Yes.

Oh, I have that power.

All right, let's set up a perimeter.

Let's set set up a performance.

This is an order.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let's set up this perimeter right now.

Alright, just here in the match.

I would say that we could all sit on fish fish or enjoy some toast from pooch, but

I don't think that's a possibility right now.

No, they're pretty salty right now.

Oh, yeah.

Captain Garrison, I have an incoming transmission from

the emergency emissarial negotiations

operations manager.

alive people this is what we've been waiting for

right at the start

why wouldn't I say that when everything's fine usually you're tell nermit when everything is fine

yeah usually when things are fine you just we just all assume they're fine no no no I said they're fine because they're fine

buoyancy of spirit when things are fine and you look pretty tense yeah your eyes are sticking out a little further than they normally do

No, I'm not gonna.

Even though everything is totally fine,

guys, the campaign is in disarray.

Oh, you just said it was totally fine.

AJ,

because everything's going great, we have a particular assignment.

Okay, guys, so let me quickly list the problems.

We

just said everything was great.

Like, what is going on?

AJ, it's fine, but it's really messed up.

Right.

Amen.

Is anyone else confused or is it just me?

Don't worry about it, AJ.

We'll explain later.

Okay, guys, so let me pull out this list.

Oh, is Burgit about to make a public apology?

Uh, that's you.

Do you have an apology to make, Jollis?

I'm sorry that this list of deep intrinsic problems within the campaign is so long.

Does that work for you, Vargi?

Is that- Hold on, gather around!

Gather round!

Yes.

Oh, C53, why are you pulling the camera?

Just, you know,

make sure we're all in the right position.

You know, C53, not every problem can be solved by lifting.

That's just my go-to!

At first blush, every problem seems like something I could lift.

Sorry.

Gosh, it is hard to resist that.

AJ, I'm sorry that my public-facing statement that it's fine and my truth that it's not is too complicated for your mind.

Everyone else, I'm sorry, am I Bargie, what?

I'm apologizing.

That's pretty good, doesn't it?

Yeah, it's pretty good.

Very good, very tasteful.

Succinct to the point.

I'm gonna need some time.

Great, so item number one:

this campaign lacks community cohesion.

All of the different departments are at best not communicating, at worst, like warring for resources.

That was the best.

There are different departments?

Yeah, well, I'm obviously in

missions, negotiations.

Yeah, well, I've never met anyone from other departments.

I mean, there's Dale, who's dead.

Yeah, Dale did the video editing and cooking.

I'm just saying, I believe that there's a problem because I didn't even know there were other departments.

Good point.

But we're the only crew, right?

No.

We're not the only crew?

Of course not.

Can you imagine how much even more badly it would be doing if it was all riding on us?

Oh, I left that on my business card, though.

Bargie, in development only crew.

Bargie, they're gonna have to apologize for that being false.

Alright.

You're not gonna do it now, either.

We're all gathered on Bargie.

Yeah, Bargie, we're all here.

Alright.

I would like to apologize.

Okay.

It's gonna take a while.

Wait, Bargie, why are you shaking?

Why is it why is everything shaking right now?

Oh, geez.

I think it's kind of hard for Bargie to apologize.

Just own it.

Say you're sorry.

What's the

sorry for nothing?

A good mother.

A good friend.

I don't like that engine sound.

Bargie.

Oh, that sounded like a gasket.

You know what, Bargie, apologize later.

He's fine.

Just about the business card.

You're apologizing for eating a bad mother.

I got so many.

Okay.

Oh, boy.

No, we can't open this box.

We gotta.

Bargie, you're perfect.

Bargie, you're perfect.

Yeah, everything's great.

Yeah, interesting.

Okay, Jesus.

Wow.

All right, Nermit, continue.

No communication.

I buy that.

What else?

Okay, all right.

Our campaign has been solely focused on electing Sisu, which makes sense, but we're getting a lot of flack for having no plans for philanthropy of any kind.

Philanthropy?

Ted Ronka matches all campaign donations to foundations across the galaxy.

We're getting a lot of chucking flack for not doing anything like that.

So, where you're headed, you will get critical intel on philanthropy, networking, communication, and you will save this campaign.

Okay, so where are we headed now?

To the Big Tar system,

where some would argue people take things too seriously, but I think that's the kind of thing we need now in this campaign, and that is where you will meet the entities that can grant these critical skills to Sisu's campaign.

Oh, great.

I once dated someone from Big Tar.

Oh, Really?

Didn't go well.

I need to.

I need to get around.

Gather rounds.

Bargie, you're out of apologies.

Sounds like it's fantastic.

Oh, my gears just popped.

I was distant.

Bargie.

Bargie, I think you're cutting off the oxygen in here.

Yeah, Bargie.

Don't apologize.

Gonna see that tiny wing thing just flapping outside.

I need to get outside.

Wow, look at this architecture.

Examples of classic monarchy style.

And you know, you're on the moon of the planet like we are now.

It's not always this.

These gardens are attended.

All these enormous homes.

Oh, Cleck, remember, you have to hold hands with everyone in the chain.

Oh, sorry.

Okay, yeah.

I didn't realize that.

Never break.

We are all in this together.

You don't need to worry so much.

Nobody's upset with you.

We can just do a regular mission.

Nothing will be regular about this mission.

Okay, alright.

You're so close to me right now.

Ooh.

Are you guys pledging to do

pledging to do what?

Yeah, for the pledge.

Is that shrub talking to us?

Someone in the shrub.

Oh, no.

It's the shrub.

No, we're actually just here to meet someone.

Poor shrub.

Look alive, people.

That giant flower is walking right towards us.

I think the dominant form of life.

Are you guys rushing?

No,

you need a name tag if you're rushing.

No, we're here for the day.

We can, you know, we can take our time.

You're here for the day.

This is the busiest day of the year.

Oh, yeah.

I'm sorry, are you in charge here?

Yeah, of course I'm in charge.

Look at my name tag.

It's got glitter.

Oh, Becca!

Becca Becca.

Yeah, I'm the president.

I'm in charge of all the potential pledges.

Are you guys rushing?

What's going on?

We're just take a name tag.

First of all, I can't even talk to you unless you have a name tag.

Everyone, take a name tag, please.

Uh-oh.

Okay.

Rushing sounds pretty cool.

Like, it sounds like

rush is...

Sorry, I'm going to get a little teary-eyed.

It's just...

She's crying.

An incredible time.

Yeah, sorry.

I mean, my leaves need the water anyway, but it's just.

It's an opportunity to meet your family, you know?

To decide which house is the house that's going to give you a sense of community, a sense of leadership.

And yeah, you're paying for it, okay?

But if you think about it, I would pay to spend the day with my best friends, you know?

I'm sorry, it costs money?

Yeah, we use those croons, we put them in a pot, and that way it sustains the house, you know, it sustains the community, and we do a lot of philanthropic

activities.

Wow.

Becca Becca, yes.

Of course, we are budgeting.

Could be right.

I love to hear that.

You're my cuttings.

Of course, you're my cuttings.

Come on.

Uh, we are?

Yeah, well you're rushing.

They do incredible

work.

We are rushing.

Yes, this sounds like exactly what we should be doing.

Why are those pledges getting to talk to Beckabaka directly?

I would uproot someone to be Beckabaka's cuttings.

I would uproot them and burn their roots.

Let's rush into the house.

Let's do this.

AJ is always AJ's always rushing.

Coke me away!

I love his energy.

Okay,

so this is the house.

If you are lucky enough to plant your roots here.

Oh, wow.

This place is so cute.

Yeah, you can see, like, we have, it's a chalkboard wall, so we could just kind of, like, write whatever we want.

Very cute.

So, most are just like inside jokes.

This makes sense.

Yeah, it's it appears to be all inside jokes.

Yeah, okay, so you see this one.

It's okay, you see there's like a bucket, but it's upside down.

And then it says,

it does say, it says slut on it.

Yeah.

You guys slut it inside those before.

It's like an actual bumper.

Is that what the joke is?

These girls are so crazy.

Yeah.

Sounds great.

I will say it's really exclusive, but if you guys are selected, you will unlock so much sisterhood.

It's it's incredible what you learn if you are chosen to be a part of Laura Epsom Dollar.

That's the name of your house, yeah.

Oh, that's the name.

It sounds more like a placeholder.

I just feel like uh, you know, they wanted to come back to it when they thought of something better.

They didn't, that's the name, yeah.

Well, I think it sounds fancy.

Those two flowers are just running by

yelling chug.

Yeah.

Bombing everywhere.

Yeah, they're having such a good time.

They are in the part of the pledge process where they really have to prove their commitment.

You know, can they hang?

We're going to have such a good time.

There's so many different theme days.

Today is business cash.

So it is.

I don't have a business cash.

Well, free available at the moment.

Okay, makes a lot of excuses.

Got it.

Okay, got it.

Writing that down.

Oh, wow.

You lost favor right away.

Captain Dark,

do you want to step in here?

Um, Becca Becca, I just want to say that I'm just so excited.

What is happening?

I'm excited.

Okay, I'm excited.

Great job, Captain.

You're really speaking Becca Becca's language right now.

I have a question.

So how do you get put in the house?

Do you like wear a hat and the hat like tells you

what house you're in or something?

I don't.

I think you're a house.

A hat tells you whether you're

putting the hat on and the house is AJ, AJ, just relax.

What we do is

really democratic and truly, really kind and the most objective thing we can do.

So me and the rest of the people who live in the house, we take notes about everybody who's rushing, kind of like things we hate about them.

And then I couldn't help but notice you have not stopped scribbling on your

clipboard since you met us.

Well, I'm the president.

Yeah.

You said that's kind?

Taking notes on people is a kind thing to do?

Yeah.

Baka baka.

Baka baka.

No.

Okay, sorry,

okay.

Let me see your notes.

Really?

Yeah, don't like, yeah, I don't like that.

Yeah.

And I didn't like the way that, I guess, like the corklift guy was just kind of like looking at me.

I didn't like it.

The assets here are very black.

Samantha and Samantha, Samantha, are we changing nuts?

Yeah, belly belly.

I'm thinking, and I know it's not about looks, but that big loader droid is really bad.

I know.

And it's like, do we want that?

You know, it's like, is that something that we want to be associated with?

Is that like a thing?

It's like fine.

It's obviously fine.

Like, it's fine.

It's obviously fine.

And I like respect that and I love that.

If it's obviously fine, what are they talking about that?

C53, you're beautiful in every frame, okay?

That one has a gun up its spot, I've noticed.

Yeah.

That could be new.

That could be new.

I think it's like so cool.

That could be new.

That's really cool.

Listen, crew, we are not going to let the negativity ruin our together time.

Okay, so Hing, take Plex hand.

Okay.

Now our chain is a circle, okay?

And now we can.

I don't know if I want to hold hands with C because he's apparently kind of, you know.

What?

I'm just saying.

I'm just listening to what Billy, Billy, Tamantha Fez, and Becca Becca said.

I'm breaking up this circle.

You're circling before we're allowed to circle.

And Francie, I didn't even know you knew that we circled.

That was not it.

Honestly, I'm impressed.

Okay.

Uh-huh.

We are a house that actually kind of likes rule breakers, so you know what?

I'm going to divulge a little bit of information.

Okay.

I'm going to show you.

our secret handshake.

Oh.

Wow.

So if you know this handshake, it unlocks tons of opportunities.

You can get into like crazy sick parties.

You get like extra shots.

And also like you'll get hired for like consulting firms.

When you say shots, do you mean

like inoculations or

vodka?

Oh, vodka.

Okay, all right.

Sure.

Sure.

One of us doesn't have the required number of phalanges for a sort of a true handshake.

Is that going to be an issue?

No.

She's running faster.

I don't know.

I probably shouldn't have thought that out.

I wish there was a hat.

It would be easier if there was a hat.

What?

How would the hat work, AJ?

You put it on your head and it says something.

I don't know about

how it talks to you, AJ.

I don't know.

See, this is why you guys need us.

You need a sense of community.

We never fight.

At a certain point, they're going to have to cut that dead weight.

That two-fingered porker is just dragging them down.

I don't know.

Did you guys say you were nice?

Didn't you say like 30 seconds ago that you're super kind?

You're so kind.

Yeah, we love each one of our sisters.

What's on this blackboard here?

It's uh carte

financier.

Sound it out.

You've almost got it.

Financi bros.

That's the theme party for tomorrow.

The theme, of course, is Finance Bros and Tennis Hose.

Alright.

Oh.

And this is our dead mother, so she kind of,

you know, makes our food, cleans all of our rooms.

She's the dead mother.

Oh, well.

I thought she's the dead mother.

She is a little dried out.

I'm the dead mother.

One second, Margaret, stop.

As you go, you will have me.

I became the dead mother.

Okay, guys, I'm just going to kind of push her to the side.

Oh,

but her mother can't even cry.

They're so dehydrated.

You should water her.

She doesn't know what's good for her.

Okay.

Real bucket, if you ask me.

I like you.

You're fun.

Yeah, I'm willing to throw anyone under the bus to be popular.

And that is really helpful.

Oh, my God.

Ooh, I can see on the clipboard that earned you a couple of hearts.

AJ seems amazing.

I am crushing on UJ.

And now we're in the main room.

This is where the mixer is happening.

So you can see there's lots of different plants talking to their various cutting groups.

So this is a really fun time for me just to kind of figure out if your vibe is right for our house.

Okay.

So maybe let's go around.

What's everybody's weakness?

Oh, weakness.

Yeah.

So if you just go around and give us the weakness that you've noticed of someone else in our cutting group, just kind of

Becca Becca, want me to start by saying I will not be participating in this form of bullying.

I read the prologue of Captaining in You, and I've learned that the best way to bring your crew together is to stay positive.

Hey, nice job, Captain.

Dar's weakness is barksmanship.

I think C53's weakness is

not the other reason.

What?

I'm just being honest.

You know, and that's the important thing about being in a sisterhood is you can be honest and open with your other sisters.

So if they're not performing in their rigid caste system that they've been given the privilege to perform in, you can call them out on that stuff.

And it's really helpful for community.

And I can't, you know, I can't say for sure, but I feel like you guys might be invited to the initiation ceremony.

Seems like we haven't done a single thing right, but okay.

What would we do there?

Is that where we get the hat that tells us where we're supposed to be?

No, there's no hat.

There's no hat.

There's no hat.

There's no hat.

House assignment hat, which is ridiculous.

Yeah, we don't have that.

We can assign the hat, yeah.

If you guys are into hats, one of our really big philanthropies is that we give little hats to people in need of little hats.

Wow, that's cool.

Yeah, actually, Actually, Becca Becca, can you tell me a little bit more about the philanthropy that your organization does?

Like,

what is that?

How many little hats do you give out?

Well, it kind of depends on, obviously we collect croons and we use that to throw insane ragers.

And those insane ragers are obviously to support the philanthropy.

And so whatever croons we have left over, we then, of course, give that money to the philanthropy of our choice, which is almost always the hat one.

And what's usually left over after the party?

After a big ranger.

Could you put it to an exact number of little hats?

Like, how many little hats did you give out after the last ranger?

Because they're little, so they probably don't cost that much.

We can usually pay for half of one little hat.

Oh, no, that's not even a whole hat.

Are you saying we're not doing good work?

So, Becca, Becca,

how did you come to Lorem Ipsum Dolor?

Well,

I guess I was, you know, chosen.

There's this great time, you know, when you become a young seedling and you realize that, hey, it's time to find a community that fits for me.

And I've been lucky to be at Lorem in Sam Dolar for so much time now.

I mean, you kind of don't know when your time ends, you know, but as soon as it does, you're taken to the real planet and then you can't party on any of these moons anymore.

So even though all of my friends, you know, many of them who I started with have left,

I'm just so glad that I still get to be here and truly party every night.

When you say the real planet, you mean Biktar.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And all of your...

all of your friends left you here

for BigTar?

Well, they did.

I mean, okay, well, they...

I mean, they didn't leave me.

You know, they now have boring ass lives on Big Tar.

They have, like, jobs.

They have, like, kids and, like, annoying, boring husbands where I'm spending every single night chugging.

You know what I mean?

And just to clarify, chugging is when you put your roots in a

plastic tub of vodka, right?

Yeah.

Ooh, look, it's happening over there.

Cool.

Wow.

Oh, God, I love those so much.

Wow, it really goes right in there, doesn't it?

Yeah, well, our house is full of party girls, so.

Okay, yeah, yeah, and that's how I like it.

On Bitcoin, everyone who dresses like a finance bro or a tennis hoe, that's because they are, in fact, going to a finance job or

a tennis job.

Yeah.

Yeah, they get like a tennis job.

And I mean, I don't know, I guess that's cool for them or whatever, but I refuse to ever have to do that, you know?

You're never going to the real world, huh?

Exactly.

I mean, it's not my choice.

It just kind of happens when the universe feels that you're ready.

Even though some mornings I wake up and I'm like, I'm tired.

I don't think I can jug

anymore with this.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I saw Natalia, Natalia researching

retirement plans.

No.

Uh-huh.

Wow.

That's not funny.

Okay, well, we're going to have a house meeting about that.

That's for jucking sure.

I think you're right.

Yes, juck.

Yes.

And honestly, I'm going to be sad for her.

Yeah.

And she's a slut bucket.

I'm still not sure that I know what that means.

You wouldn't get it.

It's empowering.

I mean, yeah, sure.

That checks out.

I'm very confused by pretty much all of this.

Yeah, there's so much intricate drama that happens in the house on a daily basis.

We do love hot goss.

I mean.

Okay, you're going to freak out about this.

Okay.

So

I overheard

Samantha, Samantha, telling Lindy Lindy that she actually doesn't like the Little Hats charity.

Can you believe that?

Wait, that's me.

Can you believe that?

I mean, no, but yeah, if you know what I mean, right?

Yeah, I can't believe that.

It's like insane because that's like what we raise money for.

That's insane.

I can't believe that I said that.

That's insane.

That is crazy that you said that.

Who like cuts the little hats in half and we have to donate less than one?

Well, maybe it's because I'm kind of tired of I just like want a stable life.

I'm sorry, just to clarify, do you buy a whole hat and then cut it in half?

Big girl, what do you think?

What do you do with the other half of of the hat?

Well, just keep the hat intact.

No, we need to sell the other half of the hat to fund the beard that we bought.

I took a financial solutions class online and it told me in order to make profit, you have to

Samantha Samantha.

You have to have a hat in half.

And I just want to have a job without having to resort to partying all the time, you know?

She's being lifted up.

Wait, what's happening to Samantha Samantha right now?

I'm flying.

I'm beginning to raise up to the air.

No.

No.

There's nothing.

I'm going to the Syrian.

I can't handle this.

Disgusting.

Man,

I wish the real world would just stop hassling us.

So when you.

When you grow up and leave this moon, you're going to get the gravitational

can you explain what just happened please yeah straight up what did you hope to learn about here aj

aj why don't you go chug over there with the other pledges you guys let's do this with lock and chug

aj please don't change at all for me

Becca Becca, can you that was very confusing what just happened.

Can you explain what we just saw?

Oh, it happens honestly, way too often.

I just never expected it to happen during rush, because it's such a stressful time for me already.

But Samantha Samantha clearly became mature, and all of a sudden, the moon lost its gravitational pull on her, and she was taken to Bittar, the adult planet.

She's probably already wearing loose jeans.

Ugh.

Yeah, gross.

Flowers can wear jeans?

Oh, single leg.

Okay.

Sorry.

Call them a jean.

I know.

That makes sense.

Yeah, I know.

You don't have to explain that part.

Oh, now you're okay.

Yeah.

Listen, while we all have a moment to ourselves while Becca Becca tries to regain control, I think we need to come up with a game plan.

I just don't think this place is for us, you know?

I mean, I don't know what the big problem is.

I mean, Becca Becca has everything that we need, guys.

We're learning about networking.

We're learning about super-organized structure.

Did you see how rigid everything's been organized here?

That isn't really organization, though.

It's more just like sort of guilt-tripping and

sniping.

It works, though.

It works.

Did you see how fast Belly Belly fell in line?

Fast.

We came here to learn about philanthropy, AJ.

What they give away a half hats.

Half the hats.

That's all hats, AJ.

Not even giving a fat.

Do you know what?

Becca Becca was right about all of you.

When?

Excuse me?

When?

When was she right about us?

So I am a porker with two fingers, huh?

Is that what you're talking about?

Is that what you're talking about?

Not by word.

CDJP, you cannot pierce DJ.

He's getting me a little upset.

No, these are my real friends.

This is such a bonded sisterhood.

This is like who I am now.

I'm one of these.

CJ, you know what?

Listen, can we just drop all of this nonsense?

We need to get back on track.

The Allweed is out there destroying planets.

Yes, Pleck is right.

We need to focus.

We gotta go to see Sue with a plan.

We need to be thinking about the future of the galaxy.

To say nothing of the fact that nobody's even watching horse cap right now.

I mean, who's taking care of the horse?

No, where are you going?

Becca Becca, you were totally right.

Yeah, you think?

why are you crying?

I just like, obviously, I love it here, and like, I think everyone is like beautiful and empowered and so fun.

But totally beautiful, empowered.

I just like sometimes wish I knew what it was like, you know, to like have a mortgage and to like think about my savings.

Becca, you're starting to float.

What?

You're starting to float, but

I'm so excited.

Wow, okay, later, bitches.

I didn't like any of you anyway.

Oh no!

God damn it!

Hi there, welcome to Bictar.

Um, have you set up a savings account?

Uh,

but

that sounds practical.

Yeah, you should have several, perhaps a high-yield savings account to start, something to help you pay for your mortgage.

I think I may have come here a little prematurely.

Well, but it's

Do you guys want to put on your khakis, your complimentary Bictar khakis?

There's only one pant leg.

Oh.

Yeah.

You know, maybe you can help us.

I'm sorry, do you work here?

Oh, yes, yes.

I'm the Bictar Welcome Secretary.

Oh, wow.

Okay.

What a practical position to have?

Yeah, I assign you a child to take care of.

Oh, we actually already have one already.

Yeah, sorry, Dunn.

We just are working on that.

Yeah, Dunn, I'm very full up with children that I'm taking care of.

I'm going through a lot of stuff right now, so you three parents better just, like, deal with it.

I just want to be alone.

Great.

Okay.

That's what we want also in regards to you.

And, like, more allowance.

Uh, that we can't really help you with.

We don't even have a savings.

Yeah, we don't have a savings account.

Whoa!

Look at Dutt's floating the other way!

Wow.

Secretary, where is he floating to?

Oh, well, I guess he's been initiated into one of the moons.

Oh, that was quick.

They grow up so fast, don't they?

They sure do.

They really do.

I'm sorry, what was your name?

Brad.

Brad.

Brad.

Yeah.

Brad.

Cool, Brad.

We were actually just on one of the moons at Lorim Ipsum Dolore.

Oh,

yeah.

Yeah.

I used to be at Lora Mipsum Dolore, if you believe that.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, a different time.

Listen, Brah,

we came to the BigTar system with a plan.

You know, we had a job to do.

We were trying to get some information about how to communicate more effectively.

We wanted to try to get into philanthropy, and we also wanted to figure out how to network, how to connect with the wider population.

I don't feel like we learned any of that

at Lorem Ipsum Dolore.

Oh, yeah, we were just missing the forms.

Okay, so form 3-7, this is to set up your open lines of communication within your organizations.

There's an org chart.

You can fill out the brainstorming sheet at the beginning.

This form C9, that's of course your ethical code to set up your philanthropy.

And we have a networking system portal.

You just need to set up a login, and you'll be able to see who you can easily network with based on your professional skills.

And you don't have to do any chugging?

I don't think so.

Wow.

And here's your complimentary entire hat.

Oh.

An entire hat.

Huh.

Look at that.

An entire hat.

Pretty good.

Crew, these forms are amazing.

I was able to just distribute these to Sisu's entire organization, and the systems are already working better.

Yeah, there you go.

A bit of a rough start, but got that's really good advice when we finally got to Big Tar.

Yeah.

Hey, guys, listen, you know, I know that was a

pretty rough mission with all the emotions and a lot of sniping, a lot of gossiping.

You didn't appreciate being frame-shaped, right?

A bunch of plants

certain iron either.

Yeah, I realized, you know, it's good to stay together.

We need to be that close all the time.

Oh, you guys said the opposite things just there.

Get out of here, Nervin.

You know, it's healthy to have differing opinions.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, thank you, C-53.

Yeah, feel it.

Yeah, I agree with that.

See, it's unanimous.

Oh, wait.

AJ.

Oh, we gotta go back for AJ.

Yeah.

Do we?

AJ's here.

What?

Um.

AJ, it seemed like you were gonna stay.

AJ, how did you get back?

Did you mature to make it to Victor?

What the hell?

What is that exactly?

It's when you put your roots in too many buckets.

And by roots, you mean

feet?

Yeah, I guess.

I got really into buckets for a little bit.

I was putting my feet in a lot of buckets at one point.

I used to be a slut bucket.

Literally?

Literally.

Proud of it, no shame.

Okay.

I still don't know what it is.

This is Sea Red IT5.

Credits and Attributions joined commencing outro protocol.

Plex Dexter was played by Alden Ford.

C-53 was played by Jeremy Benn.

Captain Darr was played by Ali Kokesh.

Barbie the Ship, Samantha Samantha, The Dead Mother, and The Shrub were played by Mujan Zolfagari.

Teen Momner, Bundaloy, Belly Belly, and Dun were played by Seth Lind.

AJ was played by Winston Knoll.

Becca Becca and Brah were played by special guest Natasha Fainblatt.

Natasha is a writer-performer for Comedy Central's digital creators.

Her stand-up was featured on Comedy Central Digital Stand-Up Presents and on Vulture, The Believer, and Bust.

Follow her everywhere at Natasha Vainblatt.

This episode was edited by Seth Lynn with sound design and mix by Shane O'Connell.

Recorded at eight different secret locations over Zoom.

Theme music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by Fame's Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra.

With additional performance by the Chime Street Brass Quintet.

Opening curl narration by Jeremy Crutchley.

Ship designed from Vargerian Jade by Eric Goise.

Audio hosting by Simplecast.

Don't forget to catch our live stream show this Saturday, May 30th.

Info at mission2zix.space.

Mission2Zix is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Network.

Hey, I'm Janet Farney, host of the JV Club Podcast.

Aw, high school.

Was it a time of adventure, romance, and discovery?

Class of 95, we did it!

Or

a time of angst, disappointment, and confusion.

We're all tied together by four years of trauma at this place, but enjoy adulthood, I guess.

The truth is, it was both.

So join me on the JV Club podcast, where I invite some great friends like Kristen Bell, Angela Kinsey, Oscar Nunez, Neil Patrick Harris, and Keegan Michael Key to talk about high school, the good, the bad, and everything in between.

My teenage moonswings are getting harder to manage.

The JV Club.

Find it on Maximum Fun.

Judge John Hodgman won a Webby in the comedy podcast category.

After 10 years of production, Judge John Hodgman has finally won.

The Susan Lucci of the Webbies.

What is Judge John Hodgman?

Comedy writer and television personality John Hodgman settles disputes between friends, family, co-workers, partners, and more.

Is a machine gun a robot?

Should a grown adult tell his parents about his tattoos?

Should a family be compelled to wear matching outfits on vacation?

Listen to Judge John Hodgman to find out the answers to these age-old disputes and more.

If you haven't listened to Judge John Hodgman, now is a great time to start.

Judge John Hodgman is available on maximumfund.org and wherever you get your podcasts.

MaximumFun.org.

Comedy and culture.

Artist-owned, audience-supported.

What does that mean exactly to you?

Slutpers.

It depends.

Sometimes it's empowering and sometimes it's vicious.

Like,

I can call Belly Belly a slut bucket.

I'm such a slut bucket.

But I can't.

But what?

Do not call it.

If you were to call Julie Julie a slut bucket, it would be a slam.

What did you call me?

Julie Julie is a slut bucket.

Take it back.

Julie Julie is the shrub in the yard.

That's not you.

Oh, Julie Julie?

Probably.

I mean, if anyone would even bucket her.

Wow.

Wow.

I don't know about this.

No, no.

Keep it all in.

Keep all of this in.

Keep all of it.

Keep all of it.

There's nothing problematic said in this entire recording.

Correct.