410: Innerpaste [ft. Branson Reese]

It is a time of chaos.

Without a ruler, the galaxy is paralyzed by lawlessness, unrest, and of course the colossal all wheat.

Which looks like if a gas giant were made of burning bath

now, Captain Dar and their intrepid crew must survive the looming threats, reunite a fractured galaxy, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff.

This

is mission to zinc.

Hey, Captain, Stephen Dark.

Yeah, what's up, AJ?

I just cleaned out the helmet.

So, I know that was something everybody was discouraged.

I cleaned out the helmet, everyone.

You took an order for me?

Yeah, I took it.

Come in here, buddy.

Let's hug this out.

Let's hug it out.

AJ, that's really good.

That's a great use of your time.

I'm just, I'm proud of you.

AJ, sensitive question.

Did it stop smelling like butts everywhere you went?

Yeah, it's totally weird.

You know, I cleaned out the filter, took out a lot of the paste that was around there, and now it doesn't smell like butts.

Good to go.

What a coincidence.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

It was hard to breathe.

Yeah, it was like starting to get up my nose and stuff.

Yeah.

You know, when you guys were suggesting that, I was like, no.

But then when you gave me a direct order, I'm a soldier.

Oh, my butt?

Goodness.

There's a lot of wheezing from you.

Yeah, I almost, when we were

lifting those boxes, I almost passed out.

And then I was like, maybe I should have.

You could have just lifted the mic.

I'm a loader drug.

truck.

Yeah, but I mean, you know, I'm probably stronger.

Debat debatable.

I was genetically made to be strong.

I mean, both of us could be better than

probably.

I mean, I could pick both of you up, no problem.

Should we all arm wrestle?

Should we all arm wrestle right now?

We should all.

Let's let's arm wrestle.

That's right.

Hey guys, um I'm almost done loading all these boxes.

Did you guys want to help at all with any of these or oh?

Yeah.

I mean A AJ picked up a couple and then then he said he was gonna pass out.

Oh, yeah, I think each of those is about well, I don't know, 80,

90 pounds.

I feel like it would go a little faster if we were all helping.

I'm also clearly the weakest of the four of us.

You are absolutely the weakest.

You are not.

You should not arm wrestle us.

Hey,

my hall has just been open for a while while you're loading these boxes.

It's taking forever.

I can't just have my hall open for too long.

It gets rusty.

So a lot of draft comes in.

it's uncomfortable.

So, if you do not mind, hurry the juka.

Okay, yeah, okay, sure, absolutely.

Sorry, sorry, you know, C53, these are unpalled so you could probably help a little bit.

All you have to do is ask me.

Listen, I can only leave the truck here so long.

It is pets and sauce.

Hey, all right, I'm sorry.

No, no, of course, sorry.

We're

having Fleck unload these as quickly as possible.

We're sorry.

What even are these?

You just stopped reading.

There's one more word on the front of the

galaxy.

The words galaxy.

My hour ended.

Praise read that one.

You can turn our truck.

Alright, C53, could you just get this last palette?

Okay.

That would have taken so much less time.

Yeah, that took seconds.

No, Bargie, Bargie.

Uh, Bargie, what?

Can you open it back up?

We didn't get back on the ship.

I need a five-second reset, okay?

Does it exert energy to have your hatch open, Bargy?

Close?

Oh, no, Bargie.

Energy to do anything.

Doesn't it exert energy for you to go poop with your pants?

I mean, yes, obviously some.

I don't know.

What kind of question is that?

When do you poop in your pants?

Never, never.

I've never done that.

Bargie, listen, you know, the mission's done.

Can we just get back on the ship, get back to space?

Oh, God, what?

She's taking off.

Bargie!

Bargie!

Huh.

Wild.

I mean, not unexpected, we can all agree.

Bargie?

Yeah.

Where did you go?

I have to do a flying reset as well.

What is happening with your systems, Bargie?

Guess.

Is it a systems problem?

Is it a what?

I don't understand what needs to be.

Mechanical all of a sudden.

I just barged.

Okay, alright, I guess we'll just wait.

Murderer!

What?

Wait.

What?

AJ, why are you yelling, murderer?

I didn't say anything.

AJ, why are you yelling when you're talking?

Why are you yelling?

I'm not yelling.

I'm just.

I'm talking.

I didn't say anything.

Okay.

Murderer!

AJ, relax.

You did it again.

I didn't.

Wait, AJ.

Are you being contacted by the all-week?

That wasn't me.

Wow, are you making fun of Plex Outbursts?

That's not your kind.

AJ, what's going on, buddy?

Something's talking instead of me.

Alright, take off your helmet.

Very cute, AJ, but...

See?

My helmet's off.

You killed them all.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

AJ,

talking without you.

I'm not crazy.

Only Papa's the crazy one, right?

We all agree on that.

We all agree on that.

Listen, AJ, there must be some radio interference in your helmet.

Can you just maybe, I don't know, switch it off and switch it on again?

I don't want to get near it.

You can get near it.

I believe in you.

Okay.

Don't touch it.

Don't touch the helmet.

You've done enough damage.

It's a good

ghost.

Let's go.

Wait, wait, wait.

How would the helmet have become haunted in the last five minutes?

Yeah, it doesn't make any sense.

It's a

J has killed.

I mean, one of them, one of their, you know, spirits has definitely invaded his body, and now his helmet.

It's a safe bet.

You killed seven billion people, is how many people you killed.

Oh, AJ.

Hey, wait, I I didn't do that.

Okay, well, like two years ago on Fortnox 7, I was part of a strike team, but you know,

7 billion people.

I mean,

okay,

you seem to have a lot of information.

Alright,

listen, uh,

Spectre, we mean you no harm.

I'm not a ghost.

You're not

a ghost.

Okay, okay.

I'm a guy.

It's a good

guy.

What should that voice do?

Why

I'm just using context clues here.

I think I'm like a smaller guy than you.

My name's Timmis.

I'm not under the helmet.

Stop moving the helmet around.

Every time you move the helmet around, it's a catastrophe for me.

Timmis, we apologize.

We're not trying to hurt you.

What is going on?

Oh, you apologize.

Oh, no water under the bridge.

My entire my planet was destroyed.

Your planet?

Yeah.

Whoa, how?

Did AJ shoot all of them?

I don't know what he did.

There were floods.

There was like a soap scourge that came from the skies.

Oh, no.

Guys, I think Tennis lives in AJ's helmet.

Uncle!

Uncle!

Oh, yeah, there you are.

My sweet nephew.

Did you murder all the people who were responsible yet?

Soon, soon, I will.

Don't worry.

Your nephew doesn't sound very good.

My nephew's not good.

My nephew's the only other survivor.

I'm sorry, Timmis.

I realize this is a sensitive situation, but it is.

When you look around, where are you?

Uh, it's it's ruin.

It's clean chaos.

All of the buildings have been wiped away.

The vegetation, the wildlife.

Wow.

AJ, the inside of your helmet was a ghost place.

No, AJ, you're not even a

civilization

of ghosts.

Okay, got it.

C53, does your frame have any sort of like magnification on your ocular sensors?

It's not useful.

You think that's going to be strong enough?

Whoa, really?

Oh, that's true.

Listen, Timmis,

we're...

Yeah,

we want to help you.

What can we do?

What can you do?

I'm not at the negotiating stage.

I meant at the I'm gonna kill you guys stage.

Oh,

you heard my nephew?

Alright.

No, AJ, AJ, put the guy on the back of the body.

I know, I love this helmet, but I'll take it out.

AJ, do not kill Timmis.

Timmis, I apologize for this, but I am gonna lift up the helmet.

My turn to find you within this helmet.

Yeah, take a look.

I'll take off my little top hat and wave at you.

That might help them.

Truly, I don't know.

You see the hat?

AJ's for two I don't know, just he's waving the hat.

Pretty big hat.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm at a thousand experts.

It just takes a little bit.

Oh,

stovepipe.

As big as a hat can be.

Reasonably.

You got your novelty hats, obviously, but I don't wear those.

You know what?

Take a look.

Wow, Timmis.

What a tiny ghost.

Okay, well, I'm not looking for fashion notes.

I'm just saying I feel like something else else might be better suited.

Yeah, I don't know if that's a silver lining that's really worth kind of

helmeted a particularly rich biosphere for life to play.

So this is Timmis.

See here?

That I believe was home to

other sentients like Timmis.

Is it what he's like a churn or something?

I don't think germ is the right classification.

But yeah, you didn't appear to be single-celled.

Here we call ourselves germs.

You guys have too many cells.

Well,

okay.

Timmins, I'm so sorry about what happened.

What was your world like?

Oh, it was incredible.

We had a civilization, we had a form of government, we had buildings a millimeter high, we had uh

the teardrop sea, we had uh uh the pizza-stained mountains,

uh, we had a uh, we had a really ambitious public housing project that worked correctly.

Oh, yeah, yeah, it was a utopia.

We were getting pancakes, we were getting bananas, we were getting all sorts of food up here, and we would just live off of it.

Let me guess, sub sandwiches, Sub sandwiches?

If that's what you call them, we call them gifts from Little Rod.

Oh,

you have Little Rod there.

Yeah, no, we know about your rod.

Our rod would be smaller.

That checks out.

Interesting.

Timmy's.

You know, this is totally unexpected, but from an anthropological point of view, fascinating.

What role did AJ play in your society?

So AJ was a sort of like

neutral religious figure to us who just sort of existed and we tolerated him.

Oh, right.

neutral religious figures.

You would have had to search far and wide to find one of us who like respected or revered him.

Oh, okay.

So it was more like it was just a face in the sky that was usually yelling or staring off into the distance.

Yeah.

Oh, oh, uh, Jimpy.

I'm not feeling too well.

I think this might be my final moment.

Oh, geez.

Oh, no.

What do you do?

Is there anything you need me to do before you'd take care of my toys, but they're all gone.

Yeah, so I'll take care of my little candy cat, but that was slaughtered, all of them were.

Yeah.

So I guess what I really want

is for you to just maniacally, terribly, horrifically maim anyone responsible for this terrible situation.

in a way that no one will understand what they were because their bodies would be so decimated.

If you say so,

also, oh, sing a song, Jimpy.

You're really holding on there.

You want me to sing a song?

Yeah, is this for as you go?

Yeah,

okay.

Oh boy, I'll do one of our traditional folk songs.

We love it when a pancake comes sliding in the helmet.

We love to eat the pancake.

We live for several weeks.

Oh, yeah, we definitely got too much.

Timmis, I'm so sorry.

Oh, well, you know.

My captain asked me to clean my helmet, so it's not my fault.

No, just following orders.

Yeah, I was just following orders.

Oh, where have I heard that before?

Oh, yeah, so this isn't AJ's fault.

This is my fault.

I'm responsible for murdering those.

No, Captain, it's not your fault.

We didn't know it was an accident.

Well, you guys are really eager to let yourselves off the hook for this.

If it makes you feel any better, if there's entire worlds this small, we'd probably destroy them all the time on accident.

Flying through space, going to different planets.

Does it feel like this is open?

No, I guess not.

I was going to say, you guys seem pretty nice, but actually, you're really callous.

Yeah, I mean, I was a neutral religious figure, so it's kind of like AJ Giveth, AJ, take it away, you know.

I don't think that's your relationship with that.

I don't know.

AJ, don't give us.

We don't talk about you giving us.

AJ, were you the one putting the food up there?

That was me.

Okay, well, AJ Giveth, I guess, but we didn't know, so that's a little late.

And if you were walking in the helmet and there was only one set of magella.

Oh, which there weren't.

There were billions of us.

Oh, okay, never mind.

That doesn't work.

It doesn't.

But no, I I was always stuffing up in there, and then everybody would get mad at me.

They didn't even want me to feed you.

They were like, don't do that.

Well, to be fair, I didn't know you were feeding a civilization.

Didn't know.

So I'm just telling you, Timothy, that I've been on your side the entire time feeding you guys.

Didn't want to clean it, but the crew made me do it.

I guess, uh, conceptually, I appreciate that, but it's pretty cold comfort, as you could imagine.

Yeah, no, absolutely.

So, talking about this mic, uh, did you guys hear the dying wish of my uh my small nephew?

He did it, yeah.

Small, even by my standards.

Oh, Jimpy was kind of low.

Yeah, yeah.

No, we can see that.

Oh, okay.

Oh, you can see me right now?

Hey, watch this.

It's kind of hard to tell, though.

You don't have fingers.

You get the drift.

Yeah, I think.

I mean, the answer body language is fine.

Yeah, we did watch Jimpy kind of like fart and explode.

And now we die.

Some walls just broke down.

Listen.

Listen, Timmis, I know you may not believe me, but we're good guys.

We want to help you.

Maybe we can get back on Bargie.

We can figure out a way to transfer you and you could build a new colony somewhere.

Yeah, you guys are Jimpy.

I gotta kill some people.

I mean, isn't living well the best revenge?

That'd be a pretty good revenge.

I'd be happy to get that, but there was he was actually pretty angry.

He was psychotically specific with his instructions that I needed to break you guys down so bad that you wouldn't recognize yourselves.

Now, look, that's a tall order for a little guy like me, but I'll figure it out.

Maybe you could break us down emotionally, and then we won't even recognize

the new persons that we've become.

Yeah, because we're so much, we're better people, you know?

Yes, I could start bullying you guys, but then maybe if you, when you set me down to like relocate, maybe could you put me on like the handle of a gun that's aimed at you?

I don't think so.

That's probably that might be a little little too yeah, I'm down for it.

I will lock and load you, man.

All right, Timmis, I think even the smallest gun we'd be capable of cracking with would be too large for you to fire.

Well, I mean, you know, I'd give me about like a month

and then we sort of like develop a society who would be heavier than the past society.

We would sort of weigh down the handle of the gun, like the trigger.

Yeah, that's actually a good question, Timmis.

How long is like a life cycle for your species?

Like, oh, we play it fast and loose.

It's uh, you know, I'm I'm about a month old myself.

Oh, okay, and I'm considered record-breakingly old.

Wow, and you survived your planet's apocalypse.

It's as if I'm cursed.

Congratulations.

Oh, never mind that.

Yeah.

I guess I might as well be optimistic.

Yeah, well, um, so let's bully you guys.

Uh,

I don't know.

I don't know.

You could start with me.

I'm pretty tough.

Okay, we got a tough guy.

What are you compensating for, tough guy?

That's a good question, Dar.

Really?

Uh, I have to think about it, I guess.

Oh, I can help you.

They're a little anxious about the fact that they've been put into a leadership position aboard the ship, and so there's been a lot of

sure.

Exactly.

Also, they had a baby about seven months ago, and

so there's a lot of anxiety about that.

Am I working too much?

Am I being a parent too much?

And I mean, don't get me started on them and Nermit breaking up.

That's been a real roller coaster for everybody.

Oh, boy, yeah.

So, really, I mean, if you really wanted to take Dar down, I'm not saying you should, I think you should start thinking about

Dar!

Don't do this!

You're giving him exactly what he wants!

Now we're setting Bonjerry and Jade.

Okay, wow.

Alright.

Wow.

I feel the same.

Oh,

robot man is near.

Um

an incoming message from the

the

tootler and okay, hide and hide or hide.

Hey, everybody

They're not here.

Uh what?

They're out.

They're on the ground of some planet.

I mean the mission is was due to be over already.

I got the delivery notification for the pallets of pamphlets.

Yeah.

Well, sorry, I had to do a whole whole reset.

You know, it's something I haven't done a very long time.

So when away is actually good.

Okay.

Because it was a couple of cobwebs, a couple of strains inside of my heart that was just causing me a lot of problems.

Okay.

Let's have a party.

You, me, Kohat.

Celebrating, because I also have some good news.

Really?

What happened?

I am not doing development anymore.

It's a failure.

Oh, great.

That's so you were, just to be clear, I'm not necessarily a show-based guy, so you were getting projects pitched to you.

You were trying to get those funded, get actors attached, get directors attached, and that was a total failure.

See, you know way more than I do because I just thought if you just yell, I'm in development, things start developing.

Oh, they did not.

Anyway, we're celebrating.

Me, you, Ho-Hat.

All right, nice.

I'm gonna do Let's Dance.

I'm dancing.

I'm dancing.

I'm dancing.

oh that's really rich pleck uh you think i'm easy to bully look at you i didn't mean to say all those things i just

yeah you did you had them at the ready come on i'm way easier to make fun of than you are i'm a total mess

let's see i wear a bathrobe and carry a stick because a cater waiter told me to

i thought i saved the galaxy and actually i think i made it worse that's a that's a

that's a spicy ball wheat okay uh i can't lift boxes the way anybody anybody else can.

Okay, yeah, now that, yeah, yeah, you're not strong.

You're weak.

Yeah.

You're weak.

Okay.

And if anybody wants to bully me, it'd be so easy.

It's like, AJ, you're like too smart.

AJ, you're like super strong.

AJ, you're like so much fun.

No, you're not just yelling characteristics at people.

It has to be.

That seems like what we're doing right now.

Okay.

Wow, you guys are unbelievably low status.

Just impossibly.

I always I always thought revenge would be satisfying.

It's look everyone always talks about how you get revenge and it feels really good.

No, Timothy.

I need to be the one to tell you this, but we're already right at the bottom.

Sorry to say, Timothy, we're not.

You know, sad and sweet.

Mister, I don't want to talk about the sea captain.

All right, what could that story possibly be, C-53?

You had fun on the water and now you miss it?

Oh, that's what I think stories about.

I'm too cool, I get it.

AJ, shut up!

Well, I did it!

Listen, this is exactly what Timmis wants.

We have to stick together and be a team.

Surely there's a way for us as diplomats to help everyone, right?

Timmis, you don't want to make us feel worse, right?

Well, I do, but it's a lateral move, really.

Exactly, exactly.

What if we figured out a way to help you?

What do you mean?

What could you do for a little fellow like me?

I mean, um, I mean, we could brainstorm something, I'm sure.

We could make you like a really small gun.

Oh, now we're talking about AJ's two smart ideas.

Yes, hey, stop calling me.

Oh, that way, actually, that actually was actually.

I know.

Now you're getting it.

No, I know.

Well, I got an idea.

Why don't you guys all get real close to the helmet?

Okay.

Just like get

close to the helmet.

I got it.

I'm a little guy.

A teardrop is an ocean to me.

Oh, look at you, right?

I'm looking at you right now.

Get as close as possible.

Okay, well, I can put the helmet on.

Yeah, put the helmet on.

All right.

Oh, don't get me in there.

Yeah, now we're both in here.

I'm not in here with you, you're in here with me.

Oh, what?

Or the other way?

I don't know.

What's the more intimidating way to say that?

I mean, we're both in here, so I'm confused.

What do you want?

Did you take the helmet back off?

I can't.

Ah, that's right.

Timmas, what did you do?

That's right.

I've been rewiring the helmet.

It's self-destruct.

What?

What?

Yeah, I'm gonna take out each and every one of you with me.

Wait, AJ,

AJ, are there explosives in your helmet?

Well, yeah, every Clint helmet has one of its fire.

AJ, why would you put the helmet on if you knew there were explosives inside?

Timmis, how is that possible?

It was difficult.

It was a painstaking process.

I did it all in the last five minutes, which for me was two years.

Oh, boy, it was a long time.

I had to get in there.

I had to use my weird little body to rewrap wires.

I I was mostly guessing, but I think I got it.

Man, and you just distracted us while we tore each other apart.

We made it so easy.

I didn't do anything.

I did.

He's a super control.

I'm possessed by a good go.

AJ, you know it's a germ.

Oh, no, I'm also the strongest, like we've talked about.

Oh, you don't know about that, buddy.

I don't know.

Yeah, well, let's see.

Who wants to arm wrestle me?

Oh, it's really hard to turn down an arm wrestle.

Dar, don't fall for it.

I have to do it.

You know me, when someone offers to arm wrestle, I gotta go.

They actually did not know that.

Hey, drop off a table and do a stool.

You need a word.

I wouldn't mind if you could set those right here.

That would be my.

Sure.

Why not?

I don't know, Dammy.

Listen, Timmis.

If you can beat Dar in an arm wrestling competition, will you

if AJ and you can beat Dar in an arm wrestling competition?

Will you let us live?

I'll consider it.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh, wow, that was easy.

I gotta win the arm wrestling contest.

Oh,

we're all gonna get blown up.

Oh.

Did somebody say arm wrestling, Judge?

How

no?

Are you sure?

Cause I think I heard it.

I'll get back in the trailer.

Okay, well, I'm sorry.

We could use your services, baby.

I'll be back in school.

Okay.

I might have different roles.

I mean, it's pretty.

Yeah.

Clearly, we're trying to find work for the elderly on this planet.

It's actually

a pretty great system in RSV.

If I don't do this, I'll just sit in this chair and think about all my memories.

Yeah, way too sad.

You should judge this instead.

Pretty shitty.

Hey, guys, I think we're gonna be okay because I will definitely win this arm wrestling match against Star.

Great.

And, Dart, I think you can kind of sell it a little bit before you lose, and it might make Timothy.

Oh, wait, so I mean, I have to lose?

Yeah, you gotta take it back.

I don't think I could do that.

I just.

Wow.

Nermin party, Bargy party, Nermin party,

Hold on, sorry, I have to take this call.

I'm sorry.

I know this is like time for us to like catch up and really.

Okay, that's fine.

I'm gonna keep dancing.

Zeggy boys, this way, Zeggie.

Actually, can you turn it?

I'm gonna put you on mute.

I'm so sorry.

This is.

Hello?

Hi, Barge.

Yeah, who's this?

Barge, this is Quantum Productions.

You contacted us about potentially working on a project with us.

Yeah, yeah, I know.

So what?

You're gonna reject me?

Is that what you're calling to?

You don't need to do that.

Oh, no.

Okay, it's okay.

I'm just gonna hang up, okay?

We know how this works.

I know you're just calling to just tell me, oh, we loved you, but you're not really what we're looking for at the moment.

You know what?

Why did you even try?

You know, it's people like you who make me sick.

Okay, you bring people into groups, you give them hope, and then you sh and then you shit in their faces.

That's what's happening right now?

I'm gonna block this number, and I don't want you to ever call me again.

Okay, that's all of you.

I'm just giving you the green light.

I'm lacking all of your numbers.

In fact, I'm gonna take everything you ever sent me, create fake sentences, and blackmail you.

That's what I'm doing.

Oh, why would you do that?

All right, goodbye.

This is forever.

All you gotta do is give us a signature and it's a gun.

Goodbye, you son of the- Oh, jeez.

That's it.

Blocked.

Unmute.

Did you hear that?

Yeah, this you really brought the party down.

So that's scenes.

You've seen him, but that's what I have to deal with all the time.

Bardy, they clearly green lit your movie.

Wait.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Wow.

This is really what they call making your own luck.

Oh, no.

No, that's why you're I can never let up.

I might get a TKO on this.

Dark, you have to you have to lose.

You have to just let AJ win.

Why can't you believe in me?

I heard all those horrible things you said about me earlier.

No, Darth.

I heard them with my ears because you said those in the days.

Listen, those things are what make you strong.

You have deep inner turmoil that you're constantly struggling with.

It's about conquering your fears and your anxieties.

That's what makes you a better person.

I will conquer my fears and anxieties.

No, not through arm wrestling, Dar.

That's the only way.

No, it really is not.

Who's winning?

How's it?

I have no frame of reference.

Am I ahead or behind?

Honestly,

I don't know.

Honestly, well, the left side just did a double-double, and the right side did a triple-chuck chuck.

So,

I've never heard of any of these.

Oh, yeah, I chuck, chuck like the Chuckiest.

I'm between the two wires, which are the size of counties to me, and I will uh, I can just connect them to make an explosion.

No, do not do that.

Tim is losing.

I just need the okay for that.

Just let me know what I've lost.

Dar, listen, you have to lose this fight.

And now we've entered the double points round.

Yes,

Dar.

Hang on, drop it out there, Scoreboard.

You need to save us.

Save us all and lose this fight.

Bleck, are you trying to tell me that by losing, I can win?

That just doesn't make any sense.

It does, Dar.

Listen, we're losers, okay?

We're losers, and that's what makes us great.

We're underdogs.

Hey, everybody, is it cool if these two cheerleading teams practice right here?

Don't know why they would do that.

Let's go.

Do it now.

You can do it anytime.

Do it now!

Do it anytime now!

Oh, wow!

This is just what I needed.

A second win.

No, Darth, stop.

You have to throw this.

Go left teeth.

It's the left team.

Go left teeth.

Double charge charge.

Darf!

Double charge charge.

Darth, listen to me.

You have to have the strength to lose.

Oh, that actually makes sense.

Come on!

No, we have a winner!

Dude, thank you.

Darth, thank you for throwing that fight.

That was...

I didn't throw the fight.

You distracted me.

You said something so unpleaque and so profound, like, scrambled me completely, and I

lost.

We did it, Timmis.

We did it, bro.

We won?

Oh, great.

I've just been waiting for the answer.

You guys are pathetic.

I am a germ.

I bullied you and I beat you in an arm wrestling contest.

This rules for me.

Again, I am closer to not existing than to existing.

That's that's pretty pathetic.

Wow, I tipping my hat to you, not that you can see.

How did you make the hat, though?

That is a great question.

What was the hat made?

A smaller germ.

Yeah, look.

Glass houses, Tim is

five year germs had to die for that hat.

Oh, well, they weren't a big deal.

They were smaller than me, so they weren't a big deal, you know?

Like, their lives meant nothing to me.

Trophies for sale?

Trophies for sale?

For sale?

I'm just gonna wait here till my son comes at four or so.

So wait, you're telling me that this entire time, I've actually been getting a lot of development deals?

Sure seems that way, Barge.

How many calls like this have you done?

Like once every other day.

Barge, that sounds like you've been- you would have dozens of projects in the pipeline.

And sometimes they just send me just cold, hard crude, and I send it back because I'm like that's demeaning.

I just thought they were like making fun of me or something.

I mean, this is, I know I'm not your manager, but this is some just kind of free advice.

It's like, if someone calls again from Hollywood, just like listen to the words they say.

Wow.

Oh, oh, so.

Alright, bye, Nervit.

Hello, hi.

Listen, I'm so sorry that I've given up so many opportunities, but whatever you're about to say, I'm gonna say yes.

Definitely.

I will do it.

I'm ready.

This is my time.

That's great news, Bargie.

Could you come pick us up, please?

Okay, gonna disconnect it.

Timmis,

you know, I want to just say again, I'm sorry we wiped out your whole civilization.

It's okay, I've had years of my own time to process it.

Oh,

what are you gonna do?

I mean, yeah, what are you gonna do?

Can you guys send me down somewhere or pull me?

Do you guys have like a refrigerator?

Do you guys have refrigerators?

We do, we do.

Okay, we don't have those, so that was a shot in the dark.

Uh yeah.

But if you have one of those, you could like put me in there.

Uh yeah, sure, you know.

What sort of is the ideal environment for your species?

Uh, I guess, like, this helmet, a place with like food that keeps getting put in there and never cleaned.

If you have like a place like that, yeah, that would be our refrigerator.

Yeah, that sounds about right, honestly.

Yeah, of course, I'll just be completely alone.

So sorry.

Oh, hey, I'm actually

getting to my glove.

My glove calm is.

Are you doing this, Timmis?

No, no, I'm not doing anything.

All right, let me click my glove calm.

Timmas!

Timmis!

Over here!

Oh, my glove, it's haunted!

Oh, who's saying that?

Timmis, we hacked a communicator on his wrist.

Oh, my little rod, these other survivors.

I'm not the only one.

Praise Little Rod.

Praise Little Rod.

Praise Little Rod.

Yeah, we're all very cute.

How did you get onto the wrist from my helmet?

Okay, well, sometimes when I have a runny nose,

you don't need to be able to get it.

I'll take my helmet off and I'll wipe all my gloves.

Society is plentiful with salty chips.

Wait, so you could just like put me on your wrist and I could go be with my own kind?

Yeah, sure.

Timmis, this is amazing.

Yeah, Timmis, is that okay with you?

Oh, yeah, it's great with me.

I can finally stand trial for my crimes.

I was a criminal.

What?

Oh, yeah, I was a criminal.

I was a bad guy.

Yeah, yeah.

And I, but, you know, fair is fair.

I should stand trial.

Okay, yeah.

Okay, Timmis, I'm about to transfer you from helmet to glove, so hold on.

Okay.

I don't know what's happening.

I have no frame of reference.

I'm gonna use my pressurized air cannon.

Okay.

I usually use it to blow out birthday candles, but I'm going to blow you onto my glove.

Don't love what I'm hearing.

That's gonna, yeah, you're gonna be moving really quickly.

Yeah,

like a seatbelt 30 or thing I could have fucking

shooting through the air.

I'll try to get you as close as possible, but you're probably gonna be great.

Yeah, sort of.

I mean, probably the equivalent for you is thousands of miles an hour.

Yeah, no, well, let's see how it goes.

All right, ready?

One, two.

Oh, I landed right next to the operator floor.

What are the odds?

Wow, that was a real roller coaster down there, guys.

So, am I just not washing this glove ever, or what are we doing?

We're sticking it in the fridge.

Yeah, just take your glove, put it in the fridge, use one of your spares.

Oh, yeah, I do have a lot of spare clothes.

Alright, well, here you go.

I'm just gonna stuff some of these money.

So long, Timmis.

Hey, see you guys.

I'm in prison now, but uh, I appreciate everything you did for me.

Little rod speed, buddy.

Hey, big rod, speed to you.

It's just rod here, normally.

Just normal rods?

No, just rod.

No, it's just rod.

We just called it.

I thought that was pretty nice of us to say little rod.

We assumed there were bigger rods out there.

Yeah, you just got to go.

Hey, guys, listen.

I owe you all an apology.

Dar, I'm sorry I got you in your head about your anxieties.

C-53, I'm sorry for bringing up the sea captain again.

AJ, I'm can't believe you're bringing this all up now.

I kind of forgotten about it now.

Oh, I have to relive it.

And Bargie, I'm sorry I left the hatch open for so long while I loaded boxes by myself.

You don't need to apologize to me.

You know, I'm working with someone new now.

They're not my manager, but they're my free advicer.

Really?

Lizard Man.

Oh, Nermit!

Yeah, guys, I turned down the job of Bargie's manager because it offered no perks, but I am.

What do you get as a free advice?

Nothing.

It's free.

Neither of us gain from this relationship, so it's very neutral.

I think you're describing a friend, Bargie.

We just hang out.

We just talk.

No, it's not a friend.

It's free advice.

We hang out.

It's not friendship.

It's not friendship.

Yeah, we gossip.

Yeah, that's a friend.

We give each other nicknames.

Alright, well, whatever makes you guys both feel good.

Yep.

Okay.

Yeah, someone should be feeling good right now.

And I'm glad it's you, Bargie.

Hey, Dar, don't be that upset that I beat you.

Wow.

You're right, it's not that big a deal because we can go again right now.

Oh, no, come on, guys, not this.

Again,

I'll get the scoreboard.

Where did the cheerleader- Why did the cheerleaders get on the ship with us?

Did anybody ask for a bomb-wrestling judge?

Nobody said that, but now we do need you, yes?

Okay, my son still has a picnic up.

So

it's well past four.

Hello.

This is Sea Road IT5.

Credits and Attributions joined commencing outdoor protocol.

Pleck Deck Center was played by Alden Ford.

C-53 was played by Jeremy Benn.

Captain Darr was played by Ali Kirkash.

Bargie the Ship, Jimpy, and the elderly arm wrestling judge were played by Mujan Zolfagari.

Team Mom, North Bundelight, and the Truck were played by Seth Lynd.

AJ was played by Winston Doll.

Timmis the Germ was played by special guest, Branson Rees.

Branson is a cartoonist, writer, and comedian in Brooklyn.

He is DM of the popular actual play podcast, Rude Tales of Magic, author and illustrator of the book Hell Was Fall, and creator of the webcomic Swan Boy.

Branson has also written for We Bear Bears on Cartoon Network and acted in Alternatino with Arturo Castro on Comedy Central.

Follow him on Twitter at Branson Reese.

This episode was edited by Alden Ford, Sound Design and Mixed by Shade O'Connell.

Theme music composed by Brendan Ryan and performed by famous Macedonian Symphonic Orchestra.

Recorded at Robert Dunkey Jr.'s Bucky Palace in Brooklyn, New York.

Opening crawl narration by Jeremy Crutchley.

Ship design for the Bargerian Jade by Eric Goyce.

Audio hosting by Simplecast.

Vision Desix is a proud member of the Maximpon Network.

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You know, like the bacteria, I'm sure it's like.

What if, this is insane.

What if every Clint has a alternate dimension Timmis world in there?

Oh my god.

They're like mirror images.

And we find one where Timmis has died, but

the rest of the planet.

That is maybe too crazy.

That is

truly banana.

Wait, it's like the reverse of the End of Men in Black, where it zooms out to a marble.

It's like it's zooming into every

clint helmet.

God,

that might be too insane even for us.

Yeah, if she's too much.