MBMBaM 791: A Safe Space to Hurt Travis's Feelings

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

It's the start

of something beautiful.

A small acquaintance has blossomed. It's ripened into a precious friendship.

I could have never seen what was coming for me.

Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach. My life,

it feels love.

It's better, it's better with you.

My life,

it's better, it's better with you.

This is true.

It's better, it's better with two.

Hello, everybody, and welcome to My Brother, My Brother, Main Advice Show for the Modern Era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.
What's up, Trav Nation?

I'm your middlest brother, Travis Big Dog. Wolf of Room for McElroy.

And I'm your sweet baby brother, 30 under 30, media luminary, Griffin McElroy. I wasn't just doing like a cool librarian thing with my glasses.
They were covered in boy smudges. They were covered.

I don't think anybody thought they were covered in boy smudges again they were covered in lab grease because their hands are just always touching the glasses and and they're always greasy and they are always they are always greasy yeah um dott has the amazing ability to get stuff under her fingernails uh a millisecond after washing her hands it's really crazy how like i'll wash the boy hands and then the boy will play with model magic or some shit kinetic kinetic kinetic sand.

And then they'll be right on there. It'll say, shit, wash the hands again.
There's sand under it again. You didn't even touch the goddamn sand, guys.
Thought about it.

I'll tell you what is huge for this is food coloring. Yes.
They don't tell you that's kid coloring too. It is on there for good.
You got fingers for you. That you have dyed your child.
Yes.

Well, Travis, you had a, you had a... A pressing question.
Yeah. I'd love to talk about dirty kid hands more, but you did have a

damn juice. That was the coolest shit I've ever seen, man.
Hold on, let me try it.

I got it for the Lunky Cool. Here.
No one did. I didn't get one for me.
Oh, I'm on the other side. Charlie didn't bring you one.
Charlie, what the heck, dude? Sorry. Bye, dude.
Bye, dude.

Thanks for the podcast, Juice.

So here's my question. My kids never bring me Duncan or anything.

My kids bring me germs and stuff under their fingernails. Okay.

So close the door, Charlie. I'm making a podcast.
Come on, babe. This is when he works, Chuck.
This is when I do my job. Okay, Charlie, that's your question.

This is after watching a lot of

stories about weird things happening to people, you know, and I like hearing those stories. And here's my question for you boys.
Yeah.

In this hypothetical situation, I returned from a camping trip in the Pacific Northwest. Why was I camping? It's not important.

And I tell you that while I was camping, I saw Bigfoot. Would I believe you? Hear me out.
He was 10, 15 feet away from me, right?

So, like, I didn't have my phone on me, but I saw him, and I am clearly 100%

sincere and confident. Not a bit.

Not a bit. I'm not joking.
I'm not exaggerating for the story. To what percentage do you now believe in Bigfoot?

I have to ask you a question. Okay.
And it's going to hurt your feelings. Fair enough.
And I don't want to do that on the podcast. I believe it's a set.
Can I just say, Trav, Griff?

If I may, yeah, Griffin, this is a safe space. I promise you're not going to hurt Travis's feelings with what you say.
This is what I'm saying.

Yeah, that nothing you say is going to hurt Travis's feelings.

This is a safe space. This is a safe space to hurt Travis's feelings.
No, no, I don't. I want to listen.
I asked, you know what? I asked. I'm strong enough to hear this, Griffin.

I'm strong enough to hear this. Whatever it is.
Okay. So, if

my friend, let me pick, let me tell you a story to answer your question.

If my friend Reggie comes to me and they said, you're never going to believe this, but they now serve buffalo wings at Taco Bell.

And I say,

that's fun, Reggie, but show me your inner thigh. And he rolls up his pant leg and there's a tattoo of buffalo wings there.

I'm going to say, well, Buffalo Wing Reggie, or whatever your name was, I already forgot. I am less inclined to believe you because clearly you are

interested in the subject matter that you are weaving this sort of tale about. Now,

so Travis, if you went to the Pacific Northwest, came back, said, I believe in Bigfoot. And I know you're telling the truth, your truth.
Yes.

But then I remember, what do you do have tattooed on your ribs? Oh, I have Lockdown Smonster tattooed on my ribs. Not Bigfoot.
No, I know that, but you can understand.

Listen, all of this isn't going to hurt my feelings. This is why I said it as a percentage, not yes or no, because I'm not asking.
Someone comes to you. I'm asking, I come to you.
Negative one.

1% you believe in being

negative one. Negative one.
Negative one. Negative one, because the fact that you are doing it and so serious about it has in my mind assured me that it's a bit.
Yeah. So it's now 100% a bit.

You understand? I can't, I want to, it's like 100% a bit. So that makes me believe even less because because if someone was going to find him, it would be a you.

But if you come to me and say you found Bigfoot, I am, that is my last little glimpse of hope going out because it is a bit.

I, first of all, we went on one hike once for a video and Travis said that sucks shit. I'm never doing it again.
So I do. That's why I said the hypothetical, it doesn't matter why I do it.
You can't.

You can't let us not weigh in. evidence-based i want this to be an evidence-based sort of process fair enough you don't like being outside.

I don't think you would be first on my list of likely Bigfoot locators. Fair enough.

I think

I would assume it's a buildup to a 50th birthday party for me. That would be where my

five-year-old,

not as long as I'd like, but still a pretty long drift. Yeah.
Getting to 50. Damn, dude, if you want to go

traipsing about a caldera or something up in Oregon for your 50th birthday, I'm absolutely there, dude. You know that that I'm there.

If that is me at 50, do not let me make it to 51, please.

Just shove me into a big ravine or something because I'm getting my jollies looking at nature like some pervert. I still am going to need a percentage from Griffin.
Yeah.

My instinct is 0%.

However, if you put an apple in a box for eternity, it will turn into anything. You guys know I'm all about that shit.

Do I think there's a chance that in this big, beautiful planet Earth, covered in verdant nature and exciting diversity, biology, so many,

is there maybe a big, big

hairy man who lives in the woods and walks around and he has large, and he has super big feet? Maybe, yeah, maybe.

There could be aliens out there. We don't know because it's infinity, which means that logically there's something out there.
That's what most people are.

This is making me feel a lot better because my wife, who loves me and has, and like we've committed ourselves to each other and she's chosen to spend her life with me, said 35%.

And I thought that was awful low. But that's super high.
That's super high. Yeah, now I'm realizing.

That's a 35% chance you're going to make me believe in magic. Do you know what I mean? Like that's a 35%.
Yeah. But like I saw it.
That's a reorganization of.

Do you understand? If you open the door to Bigfoot, that's the whole thing. A gateway drop.
A gateway draw. It's a gateway.
I guess it's just that I'm I'm willing to believe. Yeah.

I know, Travis. That's why you got a negative one.
Fair enough.

I appreciate that. What I said just now about aliens maybe existing because space is infinite, even that to me feels like cracking the door a little bit and be like, Are you in here, Magic?

Anything special and wondrous and inexplicable happening in here? And it feels risky to me. This led me to then posit that there is one person in everybody's life

that is the highest on the ranking of person who said they saw Bigfoot. Now I believe the most.
Oh, oh, oh, Pete Buttigieg.

Oh, Pete.

Yeah, if Judge. 100%, dude.
That's it. That's easy.
You're 1%.

Pete Buttigieg comes out. He's got a 100% confidence rating for me, Dustin McLroy.
If he comes out and he's like, y'all, I know, I know, I know.

It's so out of his, like, his political career is

at that point.

I know it's going to be rough going for me. President Pete is maybe a pipe dream, but I am going to tell you with 100% certainty Bigfoot's real.

You've got one true believer in 90 West Virginia because I'm like, well, Pete said there's Bigfoot.

Here's your October surprise. Bigfoot's real.
I saw him. That's real.
And I'm

endorsement. I'm dropping out of the race.
Of course, naturally. I don't want to make a joke out of this whole process.
I did see Bigfoot. I'm Pete Bootijudge.

I approve this message, but I'm not running for president.

I know I can't be president anymore, but honestly, that has started to mean less to me.

I got a lot to figure out. Yeah.
I'm actually thinking less about infrastructure than I used to, which is weird for me, Pete Bootijudge. I'm just really focused on Bigfoot.

My considerations of infrastructure have been made more difficult by my now gentle belief in magic and magical things. Sure.

Yeah.

Must we shift the roads around the rivers? I don't know. I must consort with nature to find out the answers.
My number one is Griffin McElroy. Oh, yeah, dude.

Guys, trust, if I ever came back from the woods, I was like, hey, I saw Bigfoot. Please, you have to believe that.
I would not make up shit. This is my thing.

I think of all the people I know in the world, it's not necessarily that Griffin is the most believable. No offense, Griffin.

But rather that if there was a human being who was going to rationalize away, do everything he could to convince himself he did not see Bigfoot, it would be Griffin McAray.

And this is actually now I'm seeing completely 100% correct. Yeah, no, because you're sitting there going, even talking about the possibility of aliens feels like magic to you.
Yeah, yeah,

I stand firm in this belief that if Griffin's like, yeah, guys, I've thought about it. I've looked at it from every direction.
There's no way I can't convince myself I didn't see Bigfoot. Yeah,

I will say if it's me,

where are you guys at? If you come back saying I saw Bigfoot, you're my oldest brother. And so there is a slight percentage of, is it a prank?

Am I being... Because you're also something of a yarn spinner, Justin.
You do spin nails.

You talked about

a deceitful, nasty liar is what Travis is saying. No, no, no, no.
I'm saying when Justin talked about a bear in his vicinity,

it's not important if the bear is real or not. We know bears are real.
So he's able to add some spice to it. Are you saying Justin wasn't accosted by a bear in his vicinity? No, I'm saying he wasn't.

No, no, no, no, it's just a beautiful story. I think that if I come to you guys and I'm like, I saw Bigfoot, Bigfoot's real, you should know that it is true, but it may just be true for me.

I've maybe had some sort of a perspective shift. Sure.
You understand? Like the way I'm kind of seeing. the big picture.
I'm more of an accident.

I have become, I will say, maybe something of an unreliable narrator. Yeah, 15% in this context yeah 15

for me respectable i yeah i'm i'm around 15 20. um i that's actually about where travis is too i don't know what that means for y'all i think big

basically what that equates to is i'm with some friends they bring up bigfoot and i go you know

um

My older brother saw Bigfoot and they kind of laugh and say, I know, I know.

I know.

You can't say my older brother. If you say my younger brother saw Bigfoot and you believe him, it's got to be true.
There's a lot of dynamics, a lot of sibling dynamics. This is what I'm saying.

How many people would need, and in what span of time would need to, in casual conversation, say that they had recently seen Bigfoot before you would start to think there's something going on?

Separate occurrences? Yeah, like you're in. You're like at separate parties and you're like hearing people talk, right? And then like you hear in

various conversations completely separate people say they have had a sighting three it's the three

three for me because now we've got a triangle right now i've got quantifiable data data yeah right where i can be like okay in the span of a month three different people told me they saw a big i would i would need a control group i would need it to be first two people telling me this and then a third person walking by that they don't know say, are you guys talking about Bigfoot?

Because I also, all of a sudden i do have outside sources

if it's too many though i'm thinking flash mob it's like five i'm like okay flash mob is five yeah uh you know this this highlights um like a life goal that i have and i actually wrote this on my on my i have a reminders list my app of life goals there's only four right now you have a bucket list in your reminders app yeah five number one is find better ways with storing life goals so the that's good but in the uh yeah thanks

But in there, it's,

I want to

plot several different points on a map and then connect those points and then have the place where those points overlap be something important.

I just want one time to unroll a big map. Don't you see? Draw the lines.
Wait, yeah. And then maybe when I draw the first two, I'm like, okay, I knew they would intersect somewhere.

Please, for the love of God, let this third line be something.

I just want that experience once in my life. And then I point to it.
It's like, this is the place that I told you about in the dream or something.

Is it too much to call them ley lines? Is it too much to triangulate the ley lines or does that make it too much of a joke for you?

If it's like

Oak Island.

Oak Island or some sort, any ley lines, that does get the idea across. But I don't want it to be in a puzzle experience.
I've paid hundreds of times.

This would have to be, you've been brought in as like a consulting detective, and you're like, wait,

they've hit here and here and here. And if we, don't you see? So their headquarters must be here in the middle where

they're going. Right.
Can I? This is the entrance. And then you go there and it is a manhole.
You know, like, yeah, yeah. No, it has to be.

It's the Teenage Meeting Ninja Turtles. They've done it again.

I think it would be hard to do this organically.

However, I do think there's nothing stopping literally anyone from triangulating three points of interest on a map, going to the middle of where those things are, and then making something cool there for the next person to find.

Or for you to commit the crimes yourself and then triangulate your own house.

I guess this is actually, because there was a similar thing I brought up to Teresa, which is how many times would people in town have to report vampire activity?

Like you're in a town of like 5,000 people. We've addressed this number.

We have talked about vampire town. You know what I want on my lifeless? I'm going to scratch out everything else.
Make a difference.

Do something.

Lifeless is better than bucket list, everybody. Yeah.
Because these are the ones that do living.

Bucket list are for the cows. I would love.

I would love to focus a beam of light through a staff.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's something that, like, and it's become such a,

it's joined the public consciousness in a way

appearing in, you know, there's a lot of games and stuff where it happens, but it really all kind of comes from that one scene in Indiana Jones. Yeah, man.

I don't know that there was a ton of historical evidence of ancient Pharaohs making staves with

a small citrine in the in the in the in the headpiece. I don't think that there's a lot of, um, I don't think that's based on much of anything.
So I don't know how organically I can harness.

focus a beam of pure full moonlight through a citrine but

i i think mine's pretty ambitious um because i think i don't know that this is a thing but i want to on a stone pillar that's about waist height arrange shapes and then there's a click and the stone pillar lowers into the ground oh and the floor like opens up into a staircase down yeah like a spiral staircase down oh god i'd love that i think y'all want to play blue prince again i think i think we just want to live in the blue prince

richard garriott did some of this shit in his uh castle that he built in Austin with his

Ultima winnings when he was a pro esports Ultima player.

Where he would have a like a, if you move this drink coaster to this exact spot on the credenza, it'll pop open the spiral staircase down to the wine cooler. And I'm like, that's cool.

It's also kind of half of an idea. I do want to have to rebuild a skeleton that has been encrusted with jewels.
Yeah, absolutely.

I do want to place gemstones around the room in a certain elemental order. and I do want to focus a beam of pure moonlight through a citrine staff.
So, like,

it's cool that, like, pull out the book to open the door. That's awesome.
Objectively, that's cool, but make it magic. I'd like to have to take more rubbings of things.
I wouldn't take a rubber.

You already did yours, Chef. I know, but I haven't had to rub a thing.

Goes off, King.

A little over a year ago, my flatbait drunkenly stole three traffic cones.

They've been living in our closet ever since brothers i need to rid these cones from my closet and my conscience how do i return traffic cones important the construction site they were stolen from is no longer there awesome that's from embarrassed accomplice thief in edinburgh um

the

great news is this is pretty easy traffic cones are like flowers that humans make If you think about it, if you look around and you see a traffic cone and it's not around some sort of accident or construction site you just think a human left that there so i think it just dead of night go outside you don't even have to go that far from the door of your house and set those traffic cones outside there's no no one's going to accuse you of stealing them they're traffic cones they're out

hey but why not have a little fun with it because he got three right that's the triangle right there maybe there's a neighbor's door you're gonna set them up in a triangle shape right outside their front door like you know maybe it steps right out on the street or a building and you've set it up as if to say, Watch out for this triangle, right?

And then in the morning, people get to have a chance to like, but why? But why is that triangle there? Until eventually, now those cones do need to be removed.

But for a second, everybody gets to go, What's happening in this triangle? Why is this triangle here?

And that kind of loops back into we could make we could triangulate a secret artifact or relic or something with these that would be my cones mean. That wouldn't be three cones, yeah.

They mean maybe knock one of the cones over and then draw two sad faces on the other two cones, like, oh, our friend. Oh, that's cool.

Now it's an art project. I think it'd be funny to close your road.

Just close your road. Get a cone, put it at one end.
Yeah. Take the other two

to the other end. One cone's not going to stop me.
You only got three.

Again, if I have four in a Holocaust cloak, that might be something, but I only have three cones to work with, so I'm doing my best.

If I am driving down the road and I I see one cone, I'm going to think some human just left that there. That is not, that's one cone.
They're not trying to block off the whole street with one cone.

That's crazy. I got places to do that.
You block off one intersection with three cones. So there's like one street where you're just like, ugh.
You're right. Hey, question, asker.

You need to steal more cones.

You got to steal cones to leave cones. Yeah.
Yeah. If I see three cones.

Three cones, I think that's, there's a big pothole. I got to go around that.
I'm still going to go around three cones. If five, now we're talking.
I'm not going to fuck around with five cones.

Get more cones, knock one cone over, and then surround it with other cones as if to say, like, hey, we're working on getting this cone stood back up.

And until then, you got to stay away from this cone.

That's cool. If you started putting out, keeping the codes in your trunk, and then when you pull out of a parking space, just putting the codes there until you get home, the worst.

I think this problem would resolve itself really quickly. Like something would happen on the code.
Oh, we didn't finish. Oh, sorry.
We didn't finish reading the question.

I also want to become the most despised person in my neighborhood. It says here that they want to be absolutely, thoroughly, and completely despised.

Could you hire two other people and you hold up the cones to your mouth and like their old timey megaphones and you kind of do a little Harold thing and say like,

we didn't steal these.

We found these.

You should just return them?

Yeah, but in my version. They'll know, Griffin.
They'll know, bud.

but in my version there's like a fun medieval kind of announcement you need to get three large baskets you're gonna tuck a cone in each basket put a blankie over it put a little note that says i'm i can't take care of these anymore I leave them in your care.

Leave those like on the police station door, fire department door, or whatever. Now they've adopted the cones.
They have to take care of it. That's welcome.

Sometimes these questions, I read them and I am very confused by them. And then I have to take a moment to remember that not everybody lives so close to so many rivers as I do.
Yeah.

I really have my pick of rivers. If I have a problem like this, there's a river nearby that I'll probably drive by on my errands that will solve this problem for me.
You know what I mean?

That will carry it eventually to the ocean. Make it Kentucky's problem.
You know what I mean? Yeah, make it Ohio's problem. Make it North Carolina.
I don't know where the rivers are.

Make it Trash Island's problem, Justin. Trash Island's problem.
Is that right? Let it join the fat bird. You know what I mean? I don't know.
Sending it out to the ocean to kill the coral reef.

It's like you don't have a river. Do you not have a river? Hey, obviously, ocean doesn't work because it comes back to you.
Right. That's bad.
Lake, that's a crime.

That's illegal because that stuff just floats there in the lake and messes up the lake for everybody. Yeah.
River? Yeah. Take it away.
Take it away.

River.

Take cone away. Take that cone as far as you can until nobody knows.
No, hold on. No,

Justin. Actually, I think some people probably know.
let me know

when a river goes

where does river go i will just see down here

that's a the song for pocahonas right okay that's in there so what down around the river bend

nobody knows nobody knows we've never ever gone all the way down to sea

the problem is there's more river after that we tried following it man and we went around the bend and guess what guys another fucking bend and we gave up

check this out i'm reading the what i just googled it It says, well, most rivers eventually reach the sea. And if I stop reading right there, we have plausible deniability.

Yeah.

Also, there's worse things that you could throw into Trash Ocean Island than traffic cones because they make the out there. And the fish see those and like, careful, guys, trash island coming up.

We got to go around.

We've learned that these conical orange flowers that humans make, they mean don't fuck with this right now. Yeah.
That was a hard one. I'm going to use some like funny, like Harold, you know, drama.

Sometimes they do funny Harold skits to say they've not done a crime.

I'm visiting my out-of-state partner, and their very kind grandparents have let me sleep in a guest room at their place during my stay. Been sleeping on an antique bed for a week now.

Just took a seat, and multiple boards under the headrest have fully snapped apart from the frame. The bed is old enough that this room is where my partner's ancient grandpa grew up from childhood.

Brothers, how do I break the

what?

Didn't need need to say ancient. I

yeah.

You've already described the most grandpa's are pretty old. You don't ancient for a grandpa? Cool 30-year-old grandpa.
This hip, sexy, Bradley Cooper-looking grandpa.

Brothers, how do I break the news that I've shattered a piece of history with my ass? And what do I do for sleeping for the next week? That's from Cracked Wood Criminal in Columbus.

One of those is more important to you than the other. And I can guess which.
You can't come up with a lie without enough rest.

You can't come up with a good way to blame it on somebody else until you've had a good night's sleep. Is there a subconscious worry here with broken bed frame that you smashed it while

making

whoopy?

And so you're embarrassed to say, like, hey, something's wrong with the bed frame.

And they'll look and see you smash it and they'll just assume it's from just the incredible inertia of your of your pelvis. Yeah.

through because i think the second you say yeah i just sat on it and the board's broke ancient grandpa is going to think i've sat on no way thing thousands of times but what if ancient grandpa looks over at you and winks like and he's like he's cool with it and that means you're in you're in you can you've gotten permission to be become married i think i don't know guys i don't know about you but if i've been on a long road trip and i finally get to where i'm staying and i'm i'm gonna be kicking my feet for the next few days i don't just just sit on the bed, guys.

And I'm wondering, question asker, did you just sit on the bed or did you like through the full, throw the arms up, toss your whole body back into the bed? Yeah.

I've made it. Shatters.
Leap into that shit. Swinter.
You leaped it. You leapt into your bed.
You leaped at Grandpa hasn't been able to count to ski video where he's just like, swoom into the bed.

You floomed into it, smashed into it like a giant grapefruit in an herbal essences commercial, didn't you? One time I was staying

staying at a friend's place and this is uh oh early days actually when i went and visited friends at the cince shakes company and they had a company house and there was an extra bed in there and i laid down on it and the bed frame um was old and bad and like broke and so the bed was at a tilt where the boards didn't no longer stayed up and so it tilted from like right to left they're not up and down mind you right to left and by the time i laid down in the mattress oh it was late in the evening.

And I was like, well, this is my life. And I slept on it that way.
That's crazy. What a young man's body you have.
I know, right?

My old body would remember the scars of that for the rest of my life, probably.

Question asker, you do have a Hail Mary here that is in the world of wood repair, but does not require any certain skills.

This is something people don't want to tell you, but wood glue is stronger than wood.

So if you get a lot bigger than water.

why aren't we building boats out of wood glue then? Yeah. What?

Why aren't we built? It's a simple question. Why aren't we building boats out of the wood glue then instead of

avoiding?

So that if you just get the pieces and kind of

smoosh them back how they look right, and then wood glue, and it will be fixed. Yeah.

Like it will be fixed. It will be fixed.
Let it cure

from the grandpa's new bed. The shit

feces.

I'm saying it is going to stay fixed for exactly as long as you need it to for it not to be your fault. Right.
The next time.

You are also, though, creating a kind of like secret buried treasure for someone else to find in the future.

And that is the treasure, though, is like your shame at

this at what you have done here vis-à-vis repairs. No, no, no, no, no, no.
You're you're a long a piece of heirloom furniture, Griffin. You got to understand, is a living document.
Right.

And the, the, you first had the hands that that took the woods from the woods, and then you have the hands that crafted it, right? And it made it, and then other hands

will repair it. We'll break, give it new life.
You're going to put the wood glue on and carefully brush some gold dust into the wood glue as you do.

Actually, if you put some sawdust into a wood glue, you can hide cracks. Oh, right.
But Justin,

my things about like Wabi Sabi, the cracks are what makes us beautiful. It's not practical.
I'm not trying to help.

Yeah, you just glue it all together. Wood's easy.

We were having some HVAC issues, and I went up in our attic to figure out what the heck was going on. And it turned out the vent that, or the ductwork that takes the dryer.

leavings out of the roof had gotten disconnected from the roof hole and fallen down.

And I noticed that, I don't know if it was the previous owner somewhere down the chain of possession, they had formed a sort of duct tape barrier, sort of a wraparound, sort of plug

sort of solution that had been covered in lint and then fell off. And then the pipe was just giving me that good dryer juice right back into my house.
And do you guys know

how

jubilant I was that I discovered that? and not a contractor that I had brought into a professional who had brought into my home.

And I'd been like, yeah, my family keeps coughing. And they go upstairs and see that there's a pipe just pumping hot fucking laundry juice into my family's noses.
And that had been taped up.

There's no way I could have been like, I didn't tape that up.

Once they found it and relay that information to you, any amount of, I didn't do it. I didn't

fall on deaf ears. How do you know, question asker, that this was not poorly repaired by someone moments before you arrived? Yep.
You know what I mean?

Maybe some other Jabroni broke it and they did a bad job fixing it. Now you're going to get in there with some type Bond 2 and fix it for real.
You're going to get in there and really fix it.

You could just kind of put the pieces back together, set a sort of trap, and then get to ancient grandpa and say like, hey, can you show me how this bed works or whatever? He sits on it, snap around.

No, Griffin, Griffin, Griffith. Will you show me how this living document works as it evolves from new to non-functional? Right.
And then they sit on it.

They sit on it and you say, damn, grandpa, what'd you do, dude? Did you do that from smashing ass? And he'd be like, no, I just, you saw me sit on

so fast. Holy shit, peeps.
Did you rip such a fart that it broke the bedwood, dude? I'm so embarrassed. No, you watched me just now.

Tell you what, though, I was whittling. You sent me a crisp hundred dollar bill.
I'm gonna keep this between us, and now it's a profit game.

Oh man, you say, Oh no, grandpa, what do we do? Now he's in a fucking

duo now. We're a criminal duo.
We gotta get out of here. You can drive.
Let's go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, should we go in the money zone? I was about to say that. Oh, man.
I'm already there.

It's better with you.

Squarespace?

In my house? It's more likely than you think. Hi, I'm Travis McRoy, spokesman for Squarespace.

What?

Is the context of this ad read like Squarespace? Beware of hidden space. Look out for Squarespace.

No, guys.

Squarespace is all around us.

That's cool. Yeah.

In fact, I would say I've been learning a lot about Tesseracts lately and multiple dimensions. Right.

And maybe Squarespace is a dimension higher than the dimension we live in because it's where they're going to be. And by the way, just quick update, Trav.
Negative five. Negative five percent.

Tesserax.

Does that reveal? You've been just in

now in my rank. That's real science, boys.
It's fourth-dimensional shape. Read a book.

Carl Sagan talked about it.

If Carl Sagan saw Bigfoot, you guys would be like, ooh, negative five, Carl sagan um i don't think he's with us anymore jeff no of course he's not griffin he's in the eighth dimensionality

poor taste during our

squarespace

squarespace is a website that lets you build websites It's a website site that builds websites. It's terrifying to think.
Yeah, it's like a tesseract.

It's a fourth-dimensional website experience, where it's a website within a website within a website. What if you built a website through Squarespace that let you build even smaller websites?

How cute. What if you were a young professional who needed a way to sell your goods and services and get paid through any damn way you please online?

Yeah, that would work.

I thought it would be a good time to pivot into the things that Squarespace wanted to do. Oh, that's a good idea.
Yeah, I love that.

They have the, you know, this library of templates that are just award-winning, gorgeous, beautiful templates. They're going to make it look like you know what you're doing on the web.

And you can customize them to your purposes. There's intuitive drag and drop editing.

WYSIWYG, I think is what they call it. WYSIWYG.
WYSIWYG.

WYSIWYG. WYSIWYG.
Beautiful stuff. Guy from Christmas Carol? Whatever.
You're just old boss. This is shit to do.
The Squarespace helps you do it. We're not just talking out of our asses.

We've all used Squarespace to build websites that look

remarkable. They look very, very good and make us seem professional enough that people started to really take us seriously once once we had our suite of Squarespace websites.

So head to squarespace.com/slash my brother for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code MyBrother, all one word, to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Boys, I know that I have to take these off the rails, but I'm going to send jokes out of the room for a second.

Oh, I know, because I'm going to tell you about Aura Frames, which I believe to be the best present that one can give

to grandparents,

in-laws,

family that you don't see that often. You can get it for yourself too.
Don't get me wrong. I have one and it's one of our favorite things.

The kids love it because we can upload pictures directly to it as soon as we get back from a thing. And then those pictures show up and they're like, where was that?

And I was like, that was 10 minutes ago. They love that stuff, man.
They fucking do. But what I love is we got my mother-in-law one and it's sitting right in our living room.

We see it every time we go over to to the house.

And I know that when we get back from an outing with the kids or something like that, we can immediately, from my phone, upload pictures to her aura and know that now those are in the rotation.

We can post those pictures of the grandkids right there. So it's a gift that we got her once that just every so often is like we updated it to be a new gift.
It's amazing. She adores it.

Everyone we've ever given one to absolutely loves it. It's so easy to use, so easy to put new pictures onto, so easy to set up.

I highly, highly recommend it, especially as we head into the holiday season. If there's someone in your life that you're like, I want to get something for, but I can't think of something that feels,

you know, that feels personal. Aura Frames, man, it's perfect.
It really is great. I echo everything Travis said.

We've gotten them as gifts before, and they really have streamlined a process that before this point, there was not really a good solution for.

So for a limited time save on the perfect gift by visiting auraframes.com to get 35 off aura's best-selling carver matte frames name number one by wire cutter by using promo code my brother at checkout that's a u r a frames.com promo code my brother the deal is exclusive to listeners and frames sell out fast so order yours now to get it in time for the holidays support the show by mentioning us at checkout terms and conditions apply do you guys think that if squarespace is listening right now and they heard like what a serious and like straightforward like to the point job i did with aura frames they're like what the fuck man why do you talk about us being in your house it's more likely than you think why'd you do that for us yeah hold on well then let me bounce it out aura frames is

i mean do you guys want to get into auras aura frames aura frames recharges all of my

magic energy when I touch it. Your lack of skill in discussing auras actually just bumped you up to 105%,

where I would believe you more that you saw Bigfoot than you would believe yourself. Cool.

Hello. Hello, I'm calling on behalf of the Beef and Dairy Network podcast.
No, no, I'm sorry. No sales calls.
Goodbye.

It's a multi-award-winning podcast featuring guests such as Ted Danson, Nick Offerman, Josie Long.

I don't know what a Josie Long is, and anyway, I'm about to take my mother into town to see Phantom of the Opera at last. You are wasting my time, and even worse, my mother's time.

She only has so much time left. She's 98 years old.
She's only expected to live for another 20 or 30 years. Mother, get your shoes on.
Yes, the orthopaedic ones.

I don't want to have to carry you home again, do I? Right. Well, if you were looking for a podcast.
Mother, you're not wearing that, are you? It's very revealing, Mother.

This is musical theatre, not a Parisian bordello. Simply go to maximumfun.org.
I'm reaching for my Samsung Galaxy 4 as we speak. Mother! Mother, not that hat!

Have you been looking for a new podcast all about nerdy pop culture? Well, I have just the thing for you. Secret Mysteries of Nerd Mysteries.

Secret Histories of Nerd Mysteries is a weekly pop culture history podcast hosted by me, host Austin. And me, host Brenda.

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From theme parks to cartoons to 80s, 90s, and 2000s nostalgia, we tackle it all. Check us out every Tuesday on maximumfun.org and wherever you get podcasts.

Uh, hey, I don't know if you guys knew, but Wicked Fever is

spreading across the nation. God, no.
Yeah, I know. Not again.

I went and saw Wicked for Good, and what I thought of it couldn't matter less to anybody on the planet. Except, I will say this: a lot of great products.

You know, there's a lot of great products to enjoy with the Wicked, Wicked franchise. I recently saw Wicked on a TikTok Wicked-themed port-a-podies.
That's cool. Oh, that, yeah, that's excellent.

I want to share some of the products with you guys, uh, because there's so many really, really good ones. Okay.
Um, and uh,

they went hard with the brand collaborations last year, but we're gonna go even harder this year. First of all,

wait, before you show them, Justin, I want to say my bet is gonna be based off of what they did for Wicked the first, Wicked for bad, wicked for now,

is that they love this one's pink, this one's green. That's all we got to do.
What do you want to meddle? Yeah, dude.

That's what you want to meddle for that fucking absolute derailment of the energy of the bit to say there's pink and green ones. Yeah, I'm saying that in like

in their branding theming, it's not like they had to do comp

the vibes off. Griffin, can you cleanse the aura, please? Sure.

Do you guys know how you love protein bars, but you wish they were pink and green? Yeah, dude. Fuck shit.

Yeah.

Okay, so true bar. This is a bad first example.

Get through this. The vibe on this one's fair.
Dude, let me get through this one. This is a bad first example because it makes Travis look right.
And I don't want that. So take it for good.

Daydreaming about donuts.

And it's meant to be chip. The pink and green ones that they have it.

Chip. They put them in a box.
They put them in a box.

It's meant to be chip. Suggests someone heard chip thought that sounds like hip.
It's hip to be square. Is this something? It's meant to be.

Also, it makes it sound like they failed. It's meant to be chip, and this is actually as close as we could get.
They had pink and green protein bars, and so they put them in a box. Cool.

So that's not like a natural one. But after you eat those, you got to clean your breath.
And what better way to do that than with the sonic-powered singing toothbrush by Equate? Yep, that's right.

When you start brushing with this, you're going to hear popular and defying gravity. Two sounds, sounds, notably not from this movie, because every song from Wicked

Bring the magic of the world of wicked to your daily routine with the wicked Sonic powered singing toothbrush, officially licensed by Universal Studios, because the alternative would be fucking crazy.

Yeah, why? Imagine if Walmart's like, eat my dick, I'm doing an alpha toothbrush, and you can't stop me.

This toothbrush is drop shipped directly to Walmart. We put a T-Mu on the brush, and you can't stop us.
This toothbrush plays all of K-pop Demon Hunters. Start to finish.
Can the adults?

That is a good point. Both of those songs are notably longer than the two minutes.
One is meant to brush their teeth. Does it keep going? Also, I'm going to be fucking...

That's not proper form. It should be defying cavity.
Shit, that's good stuff. That's really caviar.
That's really good. It's really good.
Have you noticed how they're pink and green?

And also, it's the same joke beloved author Richard Osbin made on the rest of his entertainment, Travis, when they were talking about wicked collaboration. So, you should feel in very good company.

I do. Very good company.
He's a multi-best-selling author. Hell yeah.
Then the adults have one too with the Wicked Ordo

brush. This is

a toothbrush for adults that seemed about wicked. I don't know what else you need to know.
Well, I can say to me that it looks like

one, it's eldritch and absinthe at the same time. Yes, it's a very

sexual adult toothbrush. Does it sing songs to me while I brush it?

This, I do not think, no. If it does, it's just Alphaba's personal toothbrush.
Get sent to Oz with Gain Wicked for Good Laundry add-ins.

That's right. Gain Fabrize and Dawn.

Fans everywhere know what Oz looks like and feels like, and for the first time ever, they'll experience what it smells like.

I would say look and feel are not the two senses I would kind of organically attribute to watching a movie. I would say

I would say here gets more of a hand on the ball on that one than touch.

I do not actually know, I don't know what Oz taste smells or feels like because I've never touched Oz. It's just the it's just those senses that are engaged with a film.

I think a really powerful mantra for when someone isn't being fun and magical enough is to tell them to touch Oz.

Oh, yeah. Like, if one of us isn't playing enough in the space with the others to try to set it up and they're being kind of just like, dude, touch Oz a little bit.
Yeah, you need this guy?

Hey, detergent flames provide a powerful clean and a vibrant freshness and it comes in this scent. Fantabulous floral.

There's fantabulous floral gain wicked for good, but don't worry. They also have wonderfulest woods and beautiful blossom.
Just give us smells like Jonathan Bailey. That's what everybody wants.

Hey, Trav. Hey, Trav.
We'll get there.

Experience of vibrant freshness against Wicked for Good Limited Edition.

Your laundry stays enchanted from wash to wear. There's also Dawn Power Wash, Wicked for Good, Fantabulous Floral.
This is a dish. You can wash your dishes.

We can talk about this. Did they think about the psychological impact of me doing

like

drudgery chores while having to smell and think about I could be

in Oz dancing through life and instead of playing these

scrubbing shit?

That's the problem of like, but that's like every scent, like tropical breezes. I'm not.
It's a toilet. You know?

Next up, we got two irresistible limited edition scents from Secret.

There's an alpha, the wickedly wonderful alphabet themed one, and couldn't be lovelier for your pits. They're both for your pits.
Okay. Can I do one side with one flavor, one side with the other?

They would ask that you do that, but do purchase both of them. And alternate day by day.
You don't want to get too much imbalance.

Can you imagine being in a situation where you're wearing these and someone's like, you smell like alphaba. I don't know how I'd feel.
Good alphaba smell. Good alphaba smell.
You just smell

it good smell.

Thank you, Travis. Thank you, Justin.
And moving right along. I will not be hungry.
I will not be thanking either of you. Who's hungry? I'm starved.

Hey, that's a very silly. Okay, so these are, these are,

these are,

these are Pink Hostess's cupcakes. These are Pink Hostess's cupcakes of Wicked for Good with an extraordinarily stern-looking Ariana Grande.

She's looking at you like, I love these cupcakes and I've eaten them with my mouth. Just crazy for these things.
She's looking at them as if to say, how dare you fucking buy these shits?

It looks like she's saying gobble it up, piggy. And I don't want to say, but that's the facial expression is gobble it up, piggy.
That's like what she's saying with her face.

She is staring at you like she is some sort of war goddess who has nothing to do with this product whatsoever, clearly, clearly and completely. It is approvified by the wizard for a limited time.

Soft, fluffy cupcakes with osmopolitan pink frosting, strawberry-flavored snack cakes with creamy filling. Perfectly snackable to satisfy your sweet tooth any time of day.

And it's a thrillifying way to celebrate

the release of wicked for good only in theaters.

Not in cupcakes. Not in cupcakes.
I feel like I've experienced the film. If I've eaten the cupcakes, there's also an alphabet one.
Don't worry. If I've eaten the cupcakes and eaten the hovis

bread. What? There's hovis bread.
What is Griffin?

Can you just?

I'll just read all all the words that I'm seeing. No, no, no, no, no.
What is the hook? Look at the hook. Okay.
So the

best of both. Yes.

This is a loaf that is 50% white bread and 50% wholemeal flour bread. Yeah, and you've got Elvima and Glinda looking at each other like, this is the kind of flour I like.

And the other one says, no, I like this kind of flour. Yeah, but you can also win a trip to Canada, it looks like, if you buy the right loaf of Hovis.
No, you can win a wicked trip trip to Canada.

So apparently maybe there'll be some human trafficking in there or

some drug muling. The bread is labeled as medium.
What does that denote in bread form?

Give me the long alphabet bread, please. Some of these British products and or this is not even British.
I think this is just like international products that I found.

I can't contextualize that for you. Can I also just say that? What I can't contextualize is the number.
I want to talk about though, real quick, back to the Hovis bread, that it says best of both.

And it seems like the way they've manifested best of both is to just use half and half of a thing so they've in no way attempted to extract the best qualities of it should be half of each yeah half of each of both delicious it's just yeah man they're both in there well i'm done

all right i'm done uh i'm full and i'm gonna reach for my cascade wicked for good uh uh oh this drives me

this drives me fucking crazy this drives me up an absolute wall now why is that well justin i'm looking at at the Cascade Detergent pods. We all know what these look like.

It's a sort of white, foamy, marbly sort of base, and then the gel packet separating the two different chemicals. Only, okay, let me look at the colors of these chemicals.

There's green, Alphaba's color, loves that one. And then, oh, blue still on the other side.
Didn't change a fucking goddamn thing about it. And I also did say it is.
Emerald City Scent.

Okay, but you didn't change. There's this is a product with famously with two very bright and vivid colors sort of intertwined in a yin-yang, if you will.
And

you couldn't figure out how to change one sort of ingredient to make it pink and green. It seems like it should be.

I'm glad that you included Sentinel there, but for me, the dishwashing experience, I would say, is the 99% closed

kind of closed-door experience. Yes.

I was going to make a joke about this being

earlier.

No.

Every witch needs a Swiffer.

What? It simply doesn't cut the same silhouette when cast against the full moon in the sky. I do not.
I'm also almost positive they made a joke about this in Hocus Pocus. In Hocus Pocus 2.

I'm almost certain they made a joke about it in Hocus Pocus 2. Travis, I would swear to God they did.
Every witch needs a Swiffer. This is a Wicked for Good pink Swiffer.
Okay. That does what? Nope.

Okay. It's Swift.
It's Swift 2.

And there is no green one. Fuck you.
There is no green one. The green, you gotta drop on the floor yourself and swift it up.
Yeah.

Next up. Oh, the air.
It's in the air tonight. It's wicked for good, mistably decadent ambiance.
There's a wicked for good for breeze and a wicked for good

plug-in. Okay.
If you want it just to be a beautiful blossom. Hey.
That's the... Yeah.
I haven't seen Wicked One or 2 and

smelled it.

I haven't touched Oz yet. And I guess I'm wondering if there's this much kind of Jeffy Jeffy-ass family circus mispronunciation of words in the movie.

Is that like a factor in this gimmick of the thing? Cool. So you should know this is on theme.

And I think what it is, is honestly, a lot of sad copywriters in this nation just wanted to have a little bit of fun for once in their fucking life. You know what I mean?

They just wanted to have, they wanted to touch Oz for a second

and just not call it tropical breeze. Yeah.
You know? I love the idea, though, of someone going to them and saying, you need to have more fun. And they're like, please just let me.

It's pink and green. Is that fine? Like, I know, make a funny word in there.
I am hoping we get to Wicked for Good branded Ragu pischetti sauce somewhere, somewhere in the lineup. It's green.

It's green pisketti.

Hold on. I just need to add one last quick addition here, Griffin.
There simply is no way that there's actually ragu.

Okay, so this is, okay, so we have great value, wicked, mystery color, macaroni, and cheese. Which will you get, Pink or green? This I fuck with.

We have absolutely devastated. I wanted to remind it to remind you, yes.
This is also fun because

my kids

hate being surprised by the color of the food they're about to eat. Yeah.
And also mac and cheese that doesn't look like regular mac and cheese.

So this is fun because like no matter who wins, we lose.

I think there's probably a lot of kids out there who are going to be devastated if one of the you are doing a coin flip for whether or or not your child's going to eat that dinner or not have fucking fun no way way too high steaks you guys got to see the crocs oh yeah these are good i do like these got the crocs with the exclusive gibbets check out this heel is that what those are called let me shrink it let me go you can't shrink that heel

check out this heel look at that that's fun and funky that's funky crocs make sense to me they got the brief they understood the assignment they touched oz they touched oz now who else touched oz well it's it's hey guys the drinkware on this movie is fucked dude they've run out of they've run out of realms to conquer and have started to like invent entirely new kind of aesthetics this is dragon glassware this is the official glassware right so we have tumblers it's all about the accessories these are big tumblers with some straw gibbets you can sip wickedly anywhere with this spellbinding.

Sip our wicked giblets.

From the wicked giblets,

touch Oz and sip the wicked gibbets of the girl. Sip, I'm here.
Sip giblet and touch Oz, and I'm fresh out of gibbets. Sip the wicked giblets of Oz.

That's what Ariana Grande's face was communicating on the hostess. Giblets, piggy.

Sip these giblets.

Sip gizzard, piglet.

Sip Gizzard Piglet. This is a new ship from REM.

It's called Sip Gizzard Piglet. It comes in three ounce and 64 ounce gallon bottles for you fucking dogs.

So that's just the glassware, but don't worry. Awallah is there.
Awallah's got the bottle. Yeah.
And that one just says insulated cup with the lid. That's a pink cup that says wicked.

Just says wicked. Yeah.
Yeah. That's.
They did not touch Oz. The Owalla bottles, fuck.
Yeah. But I can't spend $60 more

on frigging OALA bottles. Yeah.

Yep. I want to spend $3 on ready to bake Wicked for Good.
I put this one in just as a normal one. That's a normal one.
Yes. It's a sojourn, right? Like...

There's sugar cookies. It's not the terror.

Like, normally Pillsbury does the least amount of effort where they make a huge, like, 80-mile log with Buddy the Else's face in in them and then they cut them into a million segments and ship them out to america these at least have frosting yes that's i appreciate that oh yeah there's an entire goddamn caboodles collection but i gotta bring i we gotta come back for that i don't know what a caboodle is wait what i don't know what a caboodle is okay

one second griffin you've seen like a uh old man with a fishing tackle box right that's a caboodle yeah fishing tackle plenty a fishing tackle box is called a caboodle it's like a tackle box, but it's pink and costs 80 bucks.

So they've got a caboodle alphabet essence on the go-girl, and then there's a Glenda Glammon Go-Girl. Glenbook Glammon.
Glenda Glamon Go-Girl. And then there's four P's for good set, four good,

compact bundle.

I did want to mention

this, this was not.

This was not an actual one

because

this is not a partnership, but it was the product that that made me think about it. Insomnia Cookies, which has a branch locally, had a

four good

cookies pack. And it was

four

good

cookies. And two were pink and two were green.
And it's like,

it's the like

four. Faux, you got a really faux

good number. And two were

chocolate with green sprinkles. And then there was like one with pink sprinkles.
It was the four

good. Yeah.
Anyway, get it. Next up, let me switch away from the caboodles.
There's so many. Can I just say adult and kid caboodles and caboodle accessories? Yeah.

And truly, truly unhinged level of caboodles. Let me switch back to my normal tab

where the rest of my product is. Because here's where they get Jonathan.

Still waiting to smell JB. Oh my gosh.
god. Yeah, we'll get there.
There's the coolable, though. That's a cool rug.
Not for $550, goddamn American. Don't for $550 ruggable.
It better be cool.

It's Alphaba's Layer Emerald Rug. Now,

I promised to defy gravity. And if I sit on that rug and it does not lift me off of the ground, I would like my money.

That is one notable thing, Trav. I feel like with rugs specifically, you cannot promise gravity defying.
Defy gravity in any space. Alphaba's layer, that's what it says.

Alphaba's Layer Emerald Rug features a flow of color to symbolize Elphaba's transformation.

Pops of pink, blue, and magenta hit at her bond with Glenda, while hidden motifs, her glasses, and hat will delight any wicked fan. That was cool.

You became like a different person every 23rd word or so. Yeah.
In there. Whoa.
That's a little. Now that's a little Jonathan Bailey made out of soap.
It looks like.

That's a little Jonathan Bailey made out of soap. It's from Lush.

You can take a shower at Jonathan Bailey's head and smell the Jonathan Bailey smell and you can okay, so do this the vascularity on this soap man is crazy.

Let's start this you should before you you should understand

There's a twist. Yeah Griffin.

You should watch the movies Griffin. You don't need a brain to figure out that the wicked

You don't need a brain to figure out that our wicked for good ex-lush body scrub will lead you to the dreamiest skin this side of Oz.

Enchanted with our let the good times roll fragrance, you'll be on the road to compliments in no time.

Do you guys think you would rub the Jonathan Bailey face soap on your body face first or would you leave that sort of for last? For last?

If you do it first,

if you go in face first and you rub Jonathan Bailey's soapy, sudsy face all over your torso and your gunk and stuff, it's going to, you're going to pull it back and the man will, the man won't be there anymore.

He will

have been reduced and you want to leave the audience for last. I would boop him on the nose and say, I'm saving you for dessert.
And then I'll just wash with every other part.

But if you do the backside first, it'll thin it out to a point where his face, I feel like, is going to kind of like

stretch. It's distort and stretch.

Do you guys have any money left? Because if you just can spare me $450, I would love to sell you the Wicked Collection Alphabet Embossed Signature Round Dutch Oven by La Crusette. Okay.

I mean, quality brand. I'm not.
Quality brand. Quality brand.
I will say, personally, I think you are paying a huge premium for the name when it comes to a la crusette. Saw Top Chef.
It's the queen.

You can get away with a Cuisinart Dutch oven for about a fourth of the price. Or even better, man.
Go to a fucking thrift store. Go to a fleet thrift.
Get stored. Get one.
Thank you, Travis.

But this one got Alphabet. It does.

But I don't often pull out my

Dutch oven and think, I hope people are looking at this. I'm going to show this off to all my friends.
Dutch ovens. If we read the text, I've been doing so many of these.
They're really fun.

We're rounded and strengthened, unapologetically bold. The Alphaba embossed signature round Dutch oven celebrates the beauty of standing apart.

Its rich finish, signature black nickel knob, and deep matte black interior give this limited edition piece an unforgettable presence.

It's made for cooks who lead with conviction and embrace their own path. And I guess the pink one,

the Glenda one is also cool.

We just did it. Yeah,

you know, Stanley. It's good too.
Hey, are you a coward chef who doesn't embrace your own path and has no conviction? We made one for you, too. Yeah.

I want to say, I want to give big credit to the people at Foster Grant because nobody touched Oz harder than the copywriters at Foster Grant.

You got your Osmopolitan shades, your not your basic witch shades, and the glindified shades, all a very reasonable $40. Yeah.
Hey, thank you.

Trav, would you do the honors? Does someone need a makeover? Let Glenda take over with these chic oval sunny

inspired by the movie Wicked, featuring rose-colored lenses and signature Glenda details like custom vintage butterfly pattern and textured scroll detailing on the temples. Watch out!

You might end up on the cover of Osmopolitan.

They just went out way farther. They're out in space now.
They're inventing in-world publications, man.

That's so sick. If it went on and was like, better watch out because Silly Chamberlain there is the editor-in-chief.
And if you don't get in good with him, it'll be a real smear piece.

Watch out. The wizard's secret brother might show up and take you to Oz 2.
Wow. Oh, but don't worry.
Tyl Croaker, the frog newscaster, is there to protect you from the evil. Okay.

Click this link to go to my AO3 page where you can read the rest of

the Tin Man's Code puzzle to find the next website. The Tin Man's here, and he needs a kiss.

There's

so many pumas.

Look at all these pumas they did about Wake. Those speed cat ballet silver slippers.
Those are so nosy.

That's the problem with them. The problem is they know how to do good stuff that makes us want to buy it.

Look at this Bob of Robinson squash. Another issue I have with this product, same I have with the hostess box.

I do not need Cynthia Rivo looking at me, disappointed as I drink my refreshing carbonated beverage.

The look that she is giving. Look, it's withering.
She's never drank squash ever. She doesn't know what it is.
She doesn't know why she's on on this bottle.

I feel like they took this picture of Cynthia Arimo specifically for the bottle of Robinson squash. Like, Cynthia, here's the picture today.
This is for the label of Robinson Squash.

Yeah, so gotta give us the face points.

Perfect, perfect. I got it.

And that is all the products

in the wicked line for this year.

There's probably about 150. Yeah, that's all the ones that are.
Those are really just the wilder ones. Like, it, it,

okay, hey, everybody. Speaking of products,

there's a new Taz Balance dice tray available in the MacroI merge store. Whoa, whoa.
The day that this comes out on the first, because it's a new month, new year. Jesus Christ.

Uh, and you can get that bundled with the Taz dice and a sticker.

And everything on our merge store, 10% is going to go to harmony house which is also who we're partnering with for candle nights justin tell us about candle nights oh trav candle nights is going to be great this year man we got so many live acts that's right it's in person it's going to be the the beautiful newly renovated Keith Alby Theater.

We are the first show. We are the first show being put on at this renovated Keith Alby Theater.
That's from what I hear, it's astounding in there. And

you really don't want to miss it.

But if you can't make it, we are going to do a virtual version of the show show too we're going to be filming it putting it up for vod you get that like included with your ticket if you come in person but it you can also get that digitally uh that is going to go live december 19th at 9 p.m and we'll be live in the chat like watching that uh you can go to bit.ly forward slash candle nights 2025 to get in-person tickets or to get the live stream tickets and all the proceeds for that are going to uh harmony house uh also which is seeks to end homelessness in our area and if you've been following the news about the way funding has recently been changing for housing and transitional services, you should know that

it's a pretty dire need. So if you can come or buy a virtual ticket, we would really, really appreciate it.
Anything you can do is a big help. The live show is this week.
We did not mention it.

It's December 6th.

So that is when you are hearing this. It's this Friday or this Saturday.
Sorry. My apologies.
This Saturday, 7 p.m., Keith Alley, Huntington. Come.
It'll be fun. Got a bunch of stuff.
I'll like it.

Two other other things to know about. One, Death Bart went up last week.
So if you missed that, go listen to that. Till Death Do us Blard.
Till Death Does Blard. That's a wonderful name.

We only do the show once a year. We only know it once a year.
And Champions Grove packages are on sale. www.championsgrove.com.
If you haven't checked it out, go check it out now.

Get all the information. It's a weekend-long gaming event that I host at Ravenwood Castle in Hawking Hills, Ohio.
It's incredible. And we want to see you there.

Also, if you don't watch our live stream that we do, the McRoy Family Clubhouse every Tuesday,

well, it would be a weird time to start because we are on a season break until next year, but our finale was we recreated the old Nickelodeon game show Nick Arcade. And

I'm really proud of how that, how that

bold, ambitious experience sort of went. So that's over on our YouTube channel.
Speaking of, follow at McLoy Entertainment System on Instagram.

It's a new account to help you find all the video game stuff that we do. Yeah, we're going to be doing more gaming stuff next year.
It's going to be a lot of fun. Can I read the final fear?

Yeah, but you need to thank Montane for the use of theme song, My Life is Better With You. God dang it.
You're right, Trav. Do you want to do it? I just did.

Okay, well, thanks, Montane, for the use of our theme song, My Life is Better With You. Here's the fear.

This year, I want to be faster than my fear of the road laws changing and having to learn how to drive on the left side of the street.

My name is Justin McElroy. Travis McElroy.
I'm Griffin McElroy.

My brother, my brother. Me, kiss your dad square on the lips.

It's better with you.

My life, oh.

It's better, it's better with you. It's better.
My life,

it's better, it's better with you.

Cause it's true.

It's better, it's better with you.

My life

It's better with you.

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