383: Monkey King: Food Fight (part 2 of 2)

This week, on Myths and Legends, it's the second part of our Monkey King two-parter, in which the titular character, the Monkey King, is dead.

He's gone.

Why did I even put Monkey King in the title?

He's no more, and we know this happened because the most reliable and diligent character saw it through his tiny pig eyes.

It's over.

The creature this week is an ancient Babylonian demon who was way ahead of the curve on the whole anti-hero trend.

This is Myths and Legends, episode 383, Food Fight.

This is a podcast where we tell stories from mythology and folklore.

Some are incredibly popular stories you might think you know, but with surprising origins, and others are tales that might be new to you, but are definitely worth a listen.

Last week on the show, Sun Wu Kong, the monkey king, went up against three demons at the Lion Camel Cave.

A green lion demon king, an elephant demon king, and an ROC rock demon king, basically a big bird of prey.

In the fight at the end of last week's episode, the lion demon king took aim at Pigsy, and to save his little monk brother's life, Monkey launched himself in the air and became lunch for the lion.

Pigsy watched the lion eat Monkey before running for his life down the mountain, back to Sandy and Xuanzong at camp.

Monkey, Sun Wukong's older brother, is droppings now, Pigsy said, pulling the bags from Yulong the dragon horse.

What are you doing, Pigsy?

Xuanzong demanded.

Pigsy had come back in a panic and got right to work with the bags.

Oh, I'm...

I'm robbing you, Pigsy said with a smile.

What?

Xuanzong staggered back.

Yeah, Pigsy said.

He was taking the bags and leaving.

Didn't matter for Xuanzong anyway, he renounced the world and all that.

Also, he didn't have long to live, so no great loss.

Just then, Pigsy felt ropes of sand bind his wrists.

What are you doing?

Pigsy screamed at Sandy as the indigo sandman pushed Pigsy back a pace and engulfed his foothooves.

I'm stopping you.

We took an oath, Sandy glowered.

Yes, and we failed.

Look, they want him, Pigsy gestured to Xuanzong.

The demons didn't care about Pigsy and Sandy.

Pigsy was going back to his wife, and Sandy could go back to being, I don't know, what is it, a cannibal in the Flowing Sands River?

You're a monster.

Xuanzong couldn't believe what he was hearing.

Literally, yes, but also, I'm realistic.

If Wu Kong fell, none of us stand a chance.

I promise that, when it's all over, I'll come back and collect your bones for a nice burial.

I'll sell the the horse for a coffin.

It would be real classy.

Pigsy smiled.

He turned to Sandy.

He would split the baggage 70-30 if Sandy let him go.

Sandy thought about it.

60-40 in Sandy's favor.

Deal, Pigsy said.

And the sand fell from his wrists.

I got him.

The green Green Lion Demon King sauntered back into the lair.

There was only silence from the other two demon kings.

I said, I got him.

The green lion demon king grinned again.

He sighed.

I got.

No, yeah, we know.

The other two demon kings heard him the first two times.

The elephant looked at the ROC rock, the giant bird.

Was he gonna tell him, or should the elephant?

The rock flapped down.

You see, that

was a dramatic mislead, a cliffhanger.

A what?

The lion furrowed his furry, usually furious brow.

Yeah, Sun Wu Kong, he's inedible.

Many have tried, all have failed.

The elephant was so sorry for the news.

On the contrary, a muffled voice called out from the lion's abdomen, I'm very satisfying.

In fact, you'll never need to eat another thing for the rest of your life.

You'll never be hungry again.

Then a long pause.

Because I'm going to kill you and you'll be dead and the dead can't be hungry.

I can't see any of your faces.

I don't know if these threats are landing, if you're just standing there in confusion or Monkey called out, but was cut short with a fist.

To the lion's abdomen, the Lion Demon King's fist.

The Lion Demon King doubled over.

Yeah, how'd that work out for you?

That go the way you thought it would?

Monkey asked.

The Lion Demon King struggled to his feet to Monkey's laughter.

and he waved for his brothers.

They still had Sun Wu Kong.

This was just like the vase.

If LDK could throw him up, they could trap him and cook him.

Go get some salt water.

I was not aware that warm salt water was basically medieval epicac, but it appears to be a solution to induce vomiting used even up to this day.

It is ineffective, though, if you have a monkey king lodged in your stomach who really wants to stay there.

And monkey apparently did.

I like to think that he expanded his staff to block the esophageal sphincter and was just hanging out there, while all the other people the Lion Demon King ate shot past him.

Come out,

the Lion Demon King commanded.

Monkey, in the text, said no.

He wasn't.

This was delightful and warm.

It was nearly winter and he only had a linen shirt, so the Lion Demon King would be essentially his warm taunton blanket.

He had a portable frying pan, and while he didn't eat meat anymore, Master seemed to make an exception when it came to killing demons, so he would too.

And the Lion Demon King had all these yummy looking organs and muscles.

Monkey imagined he could last until spring in here, just on the stomach and lungs alone.

Though if he got rid of lungs he wouldn't have any way to vent a fire.

Monkey laughed.

He would just punch a hole through the Lion Demon King's head at that point.

Give himself a chimney and a nice skylight.

Wine, I need wine, the Lion Demon King waved.

And a few little fiends rushed to his aid.

They had plenty of wine thanks to the celebration of him defeating Sun Wu Kong.

Then the Lion Demon King had an idea, alcohol poisoning.

He would drink so much wine that it would kill Sun Wu Kong in his stomach.

And if it didn't, it might just get him, sparing him months of a tiny monkey chewing his internal organs before punching a hole through his head.

His brothers tried to warn him off it, but the Lion Demon King couldn't be persuaded.

The little fiends returned with two whole pots of wine.

Sun Wu Kong shouted that he wouldn't allow the Lion Demon King to drink the wine and throw him him up.

He would take it all.

He had gone to the festival of immortal peaches after all.

He could hold his wine.

Monkey swayed back and forth.

He only drank the relative equivalent of two oil tankers full of wine.

Why was he feeling like this?

He partied all the time with his little monkeys on Flowerfruit Mountain.

Well, he was also a recent convert to Buddhism, and it had been several years since he had even a drop of alcohol, let alone enough to get a Lion Demon King hammered.

There are happy drunks.

There are mean drunks.

Monkey, it seemed, was a calisthenics drunk.

He had been replaying all of his favorite battles in his mind, and it was only when he heard the screams that he realized he was also replaying all his favorite battles with the Lion Demon King's liver, kidneys, and lungs.

And if the Lion Demon King thought a sober, controlled Sun Wu Kong loose in his body was a dangerous, scary thing, he had no idea how painful a drunk, disinhibited Sun Wu Kong could be.

Is he dead?

The other two said, outside the body as they watched their lion brother pass out from the pain and lay on the floor completely unresponsive.

Monkey woke up about the same time the Lion Demon King did.

Wow.

Drinking the equivalent of several hundred gallons of wine was a bit of a mistake.

He felt miserable.

Probably as bad as the Lion Demon King sounded, because Monkey heard the weeping.

Sun Wu Kong shifted in the slimy, hot stomach and responded when the Lion Demon King asked him, please, what could he do to make this stop?

If the monkey spared his life, he would send the Tang Monk across the mountain and not mess with him again.

The Tang Monk will be carried by three demons in a palanquin, made of really nice, fragrant vines.

Monkey thought about it.

Yeah, okay, that seemed fair.

Better than gold or silver because Master would make them donate those or something.

Sure.

He'd come out.

Open up.

Monkey started walking up the esophagus when he heard a, He's coming, he's coming.

Okay, when he passes by your teeth, bite down and don't relent until he's paced.

With a sigh, he kept walking and, when the time came, he walked on the tongue just behind the teeth, held out a staff, and stopped.

The Lion Demon King's front teeth shattered, and he screeched.

Monkey said he hoped the Lion Demon King was happy.

Now he was going to have to jump back down the monster's throat and torture him to death.

To think that he couldn't trust demons, what was this world coming to?

Coward, the rock muttered.

Excuse me?

The voice coming from the Lion Demon King's mouth replied.

Yeah, coward, you won't come out and fight, but you'll kill him from the inside.

Monkey thought about it.

You know what?

Yeah,

the bird man thing was kind of right.

He could make the lion demon king's intestines fly from his mouth like silly string.

That's only lightly paraphrased, by the way.

But Monkey's reputation would suffer.

Monkey put his hands on his head.

What could he do?

Then he felt something and smiled.

The three demon kings were able to get roughly two-thirds of their minions back with the news of Sun Wukong's defeat and managed to keep them there to truly finally defeat Sun Wukong with a threat of executing them for desertion.

For real this time.

Monkey refused to come out of the Lion Demon King's mouth, so instead he walked up his nose where, tickling him a bit, the demon sneezed and Snot Rocket Monkey flew to the ground.

Shaking himself off and and blocking blows from a few demons, Monkey took off toward a nearby peak.

What's he doing?

The Lion Demon King started to say, before collapsing, doubling over in pain, gripping his heart.

Monkey held up a string, one that went from his hand to the Demon King's nose, to, the Monkey King assured him, straight down to wrap around the Demon King's heart.

Monkey had something similar on his head.

That's what gave him the idea.

For him, his master could tighten it whenever he thought Monkey was straying too much from the righteous path.

Sun Wu Kong wouldn't be as strict, though.

He wouldn't make the Lion Demon King convert to Buddhism or anything like that.

Just do what he said he'd do and carry Monkey's master over the mountain.

Or else Monkey would crush his heart with a magic string.

Never,

the Lion Demon said.

Fine, Monkey replied, and yanked the demon into the sky by his heart, thrice.

Okay,

the Lion Demon wept, his brothers urging him to just give in to Monkey.

They could take the tang monk across the mountain, really.

Bowing low and making that deal, the lion demon king asked him to please, on his honor as a demon who has already betrayed him once, would Monkey undo the string?

While Monkey was retrieving his master, they would prepare the planquin for him.

Monkey sighed, sure.

He shook his body, and the hair flew back to his side.

Making plans for their ride across the mountain, Monkey said he would go get his master.

We'll see what happens when Monkey gets back to camp and sees what Pigsy has been up to, but that will be right after this.

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What in the monkey saw a pig and a sand monster fighting a horse while the tang monk rolled around crying.

Seriously, really?

First we can't even rob the tang monk because the horse won't let us and now I'm being haunted?

Pigsy shook his head.

This was the worst day ever.

Despite Pigsy having objectively the best day out of the group, Monkey smacked him in the face.

Pigsy stood, rubbing his snout.

Was that real enough for Pigsy?

But But I watched you die.

Pigsy began to shake with fear.

Fear not that Monkey was dead and haunting him, but alive and witnessing him robbing the tang monk.

I'm the monkey king.

You've watched me get my head cut off.

But you think a demon eating me could kill me?

It was a plan.

They're going to give us a ride now, but more importantly, what are you doing?

Pigsy said, okay, he knew this looked bad.

And it was bad.

They were robbing Master.

He was going to run away back to his wife and Sandy was going to go back to his river and eat travelers and Master would be killed, sure, but they would sell you long for him to have a real nice coffin.

He then dropped to Monkey's feet, begging forgiveness.

Sandy was so ashamed that he turned into a pile and tried to mix into the dirt.

Monkey told Pigsy

stand up.

They all had their moments of weakness.

None of them were perfect, and

Monkey stopped when Xuanzong stepped forward, rolling up his sleeves.

No, Pigsy had to answer for his actions.

He completely abandoned not just his teachings, but his master.

Xuanzong raised his fists.

Uh what?

Pigsy said.

Xuanzong said if Pigsy wanted to be a big pig and rob a monk, he was in for a fight.

Is this something that happens?

Pigsy turned to Monkey.

Like a Buddhist monk shouldn't threaten to beat their student, right?

Monkey turned to his master and lowered the man's fists.

Whatever Xuanzong was feeling right now, he understood it was strong.

It shouldn't translate into actions that Xuanzong would definitely regret, though.

Pigsy turning his back on his beliefs shouldn't result in Xuanzong turning his back on his.

Pigsy 100% was not worth it.

Like Sandy, maybe.

Monkey, definitely.

Pigsy was, on a good day, one rung above a barely restrained id.

And even that was only because of vanity, because Pigsy wanted to look good in front of Monkey.

Hate things that matter.

Don't hate Pigsy.

Xuanzong sighed and put down his fists.

He understood.

He was sorry.

He just felt scared and alone, and that wasn't something he was used to feeling with Monkey around.

The thought of Monkey dead.

Monkey smiled.

It was okay.

He was here.

As part of their punishment, Pigsy and Sandy had to break camp and get everyone ready.

They were taking a ride over the mountain in style.

You liar, Pigsy cried out, not really realizing that he didn't have the moral high ground to call anyone a liar, let alone Monkey when, walking to the pickup spot, they instead saw 3,000 armed demons in battle formation.

Really, Pigsy, you think that I lie, me, over the demons that betray us constantly?

Yeah, that's what I thought.

Think before you speak, even a little, Monkey said, turning to the demons.

Um, hi, this wasn't the deal and also getting a little bit exhausting.

There was a rumble as the three Demon Kings, dozens of stories tall, stepped into view.

The second one, the elephant nose guy, laughed, saying that they thought Sun Wu Kong had nine heads and sixteen hands, that he was some giant he was just a tiny monkey.

If the Lion Demon King hadn't eaten him, they would have been able to drown him in just the spit of their army.

The other two grimaced when looking at the second Demon King.

They talked about that example.

It was extremely specific and gross.

Please stop using it.

I'm not going to fight you, Monkey said.

Pigsy will, though.

What?

The group said in unison, turning to Pigsy.

Seriously, though.

What?

Pigsy turned to Monkey.

Monkey said, yeah.

Pigsy was always so critical.

Well, maybe he could fight.

Besides, it was the least he could do for betraying their master at the top of the episode.

Fine.

You want me to beat him?

I'll beat him.

Pigsy took out his rake and stepped forward into the assembly of demons.

He immediately found the second demon king's trunk around his waist and the ground in his face, when the demon king thrashed him back and forth and took him inside.

The rest of the demons followed in celebration.

Monkey groaned.

Well, now they had to save Pigsy.

Got him.

We got the Tang Monk.

The elephant demon threw Pigsy down hard in the lair.

The other two looked at Pigsy.

Um, that wasn't the Tang Monk.

That was a humanoid pig, man.

Pigsy agreed.

He wasn't his master who they wanted to eat.

He could hook them up, though, you know, if they let him go.

I got the hairless one that wasn't made of sand, though, the demon said.

Oh, there are are two of us, hairless ones, Pigsy said.

It was a common mistake.

Well, actually, no, it wasn't.

He was a 400-pound pig person, and his master was a human monk who didn't weigh 150 pounds soaking wet, so it literally never happened, but he was honored anyway.

Pig, huh?

Could we use him as bait?

Do they like him?

The ROC rock demon king asked.

They don't, no, not right now.

Pigsy said.

He tried to betray his master pretty recently, like, up until about 20 minutes ago.

ago, so yeah, bait was probably off the table.

They should really let him go, probably.

Prosciutto?

Is that the word I'm thinking about?

The elephant demon king said.

The other two turned, what?

Yeah, it was like a cured pork, really good, great with wine.

They should just eat this guy if he's so useless.

Pigsy tried to argue, but found himself soaking.

First they were going to soak off his hairs and then slice him up.

cure him with salt, and hang him there in the cave.

Pigsy was having a hard time, his hooves were bound and he struggled to keep his snout above water.

If he didn't work hard, he would die here.

And then he realized that he had died because the fifth king of hell floated in the air above the water.

I have come for you, Zu Wuning, the fifth king of Yama said to Pigsy, still struggling to see above the water.

Pigsy despaired.

Only a few knew that name.

This was truly the end.

He felt the rope graze his ears, the quote, life dispatching cord.

It would gather him to the afterlife in an instant.

This was unconscionable.

To die fighting a monster was one thing.

To drown and defeat in a pool, though, alone?

One day, please, Pigsy called out.

He knew he didn't have a hope of survival, but at least he wanted to see Sun Wu Kong's failure and have everyone drown here with him.

King of Death seemed a little surprised by that.

Many people had unfinished business, but this was

a little spiteful?

It was a bad look, but sure, actually.

He had a lot of collections to make in the region.

There were a ton of demons around, and he could put Pigsy off until the following day.

What, though, could Pigsy do to help him out?

Pigsy gasped for air as he tried to tread water.

Wait, was one of the kings of the dead a psychopomp?

Asking for a bribe?

A hand made of shadow face-palmed.

Yes, a bribe.

I'm a monk, I don't have any money.

I can't even afford a pair of pants.

Pigsy dove and then kicked himself back up.

All right, the rope again grazed Pigsy's ears and neck.

Okay, okay, I have something, I do.

Pigsy explained that he actually just really liked not wearing pants, and when they stopped and begged for alms, people could see that his appetite and his needs were more than his brother monks, because he ate so much food, so they gave him more.

That sounds like extortion, like you threaten to keep eating until they pay you more, the psychopomp said.

Left ear, I keep my silver in my left ear, Pigsy cried, dipping below the water once again.

Death reached down and plucked the silver, and when Pigsy managed to kick his way back up, Death was gone.

Only Monkey remained.

I knew it.

I knew you were holding out on us, Monkey shouted.

Pigsy gasped.

If Monkey was here to rescue him, Pigsy shouted to the clouds that he wanted his bribe money back from death.

Pigsy, I'm death.

Monkey shook his head.

Yes, you are, bud.

So good at killing.

Pigsy smiled.

Now let's get out of here.

We can sneak out the back door before death returns.

Monkey groaned and said there would be no sneaking.

He was Sun Wu Kong.

He didn't sneak.

Well, no, he snuck constantly.

He didn't sneak to avoid a fight, though, except in strategic retreats.

Whatever, they were fighting their way out.

They were going out the front door.

Pigsy might be worse at his job than Sun Wu Kong.

Most were, but he was still pretty decent.

Once they managed to get his muckrake back from the little fiends, Monkey and Pigsy, fighting side by side, managed to slaughter, quote, countless little fiends.

Remember, too, that the little fiends in this sense are still like, twelve feet tall.

It was like fighting the Navi from Avatar.

They fought their way out to the front, but by then the second demon king had heard and, when they were almost free of the place, it burst forth, charging like an elephant.

Pigsy bravely dove into the bushes, while Monkey only stood there.

Oh no.

Hope he didn't try to wrap Monkey up with his trunk.

As expected, the second demon king wrapped Sun Wu Kong around the waist, pinning his arms to the side like he had with Pigsy.

But Monkey had seen the fight with Pigsy.

That's why he sent Pigsy first.

The demon didn't seem to realize that the arms on Monkey's body were a little bit too low.

They were fake.

Monkey's real arms sprouted from his shoulders, his staff grew in his paws, and it pierced the elephant demon king's trunk, pinning it to the ground.

The elephant demon king dropped Monkey, as Pigsy dove from the bushes and proceeded to slash at the demon's side with his rake.

Telling him to go easy on the monster, Monkey said he should turn the rake around and beat the demon with a blunt end instead.

Be kind.

We'll see everyone pretty much continue to make the same mistakes, and I mean everyone, but that will, once again, be right after this.

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You're letting him go?

Monkey asked as they watched the elephant demon scramble back up the mountain to prepare the palanquin.

Just because he said he absolutely definitely would fulfill his promise for realsies this time?

You let them go, Xuanzong said.

Besides, if they went back on their promise, again,

Monkey would just beat them.

Again.

You're the master, Wukong shook his head.

For his part, he was going to be ready for a fight.

A fight that, apparently, would not be happening because when they arrived at the mountain lair, the group found...

wow,

it was pretty nice.

The three demon kings were dressed like servants, standing around the pelanquin, which looked like a very nice, super ornate TARDIS.

The rock and the lion were on the front two poles, and the elephant, bandaged on his trunk, was managing the back two.

16 demons would patrol before and behind them.

Why is that necessary?

Monkey Monk asked the lion.

They were the demons in this region.

Couldn't they just ask their friends not to attack?

Because demons are so trustworthy, the lion asked.

Monkey nodded, fair enough.

They'd keep their own guards, though.

Pigsy and Sandy would follow along behind with the horse, and Monkey would scout ahead.

He took out his staff and rested it on his shoulders, draping his hands over it.

The 16 demons, who had lost countless friends at the end of that staff, shuddered.

The 400-mile journey took longer than anyone could have expected because every few hours the demons stopped off for a meal they had specially prepared for the Tang Monk, and it wasn't even poison or people, which was a nice, thoughtful touch.

As they walked along, Monkey was grateful that thankfully, finally, everything was calming down.

Maybe they could wrap this episode up and all the bad guys could learn a lesson about not messing with him and

really

Up ahead, they were arriving at a city.

Now that usually wouldn't be much to worry about.

But this was the R O C Rocks city.

Remember the one I mentioned last week, where he ate literally all the inhabitants and filled it with demons.

Before them were nightmares sitting on the walls.

Wolves and tigers, dragons and demons, shadow monsters and things so horrid Monkey didn't even have a name for them.

They all looked down at him with eyes that seemed to glow, all salivating through their smiles.

All right, time to go.

Monkey turned, leapt, and hit the ground.

Hard.

The Lion Demon King was there and ready.

Monkey gasped awake.

What?

Where were they?

We're in the city of demons, brother son, Sandy said.

Or rather, the tied-off sack next to Monkey said.

That being, seemingly, how you trap a sandman.

Next to him, Pigsy was bruised, bloody, and bound, and Xuanzong was waiting.

Oh, good.

Monkey was up.

Please free him.

Monkey looked around.

No, that'd be too dangerous.

Too dangerous being free and not bound in a city full of demons?

Xuanzong asked how that logic tracked.

Right now they're trying to get a fire started to steam us.

We try to escape and they might just decide we're not worth the trouble to cook.

I can get out of here.

Sandy too probably.

You and Pigsy though are done for.

You would be swarmed.

No, I will buy everyone some time.

Stay here, Monkey said and shuddered.

Literally where could we go?

Xuanzong Whisper shouted.

Insert sarcastic comment here lightly denting the fourth wall but then walking it back with a clumsy story explanation so as to not completely undercut the pathos of Sunwu Kong and supporting characters redemption arc.

Error message 3 string not found.

Shoot.

They heard the disembodied voice from the invisible monkey floating behind the clone, the one made from one of Monkey's hairs.

The voice hissed before the clone closed his eyes and reopened them.

You'll be fine, master.

You should be comfortable in ropes.

You've spent, what, 50 out of 77 chapters in them?

And by chapters, I'm referring to a unit of measurement I've been using the whole time, and not book chapters, because I don't know that I'm in a book.

And also, I'm growing as a monkey, the bound Sun Wu Kong said.

Monkey, for his part, was doing something, the same something he had done before at least once already, when demons were threatening to cook them.

Well, not threatening, actively trying to cook them, and all they needed was to get the fire belt so they could steam the four travelers.

He went to the Dragon King of the North Sea and called in a favor.

Or, rather, made a pledge not to make good on a threat from the bad old days.

Whatever the motivation, the Dragon King of the North Sea complied, and flew in as a cold breeze to weave between the logs of the fire.

Monkey took some sleep inducing insects that he had from his residency in heaven, and had subsequently bred to give him a whole pack of sleepy bugs, blowing them on the faces of the demons, and letting them crawl in their nostrils, the demons went to sleep.

You know, that thing that would induce sleep in any one of us insects crawling up our nose.

The fire out and the demons asleep, Monkey lowered himself to the muffled clattering of the pot used to steam, well, it was the size of a hot tub.

You weren't making like 700 dumplings.

That pot had one use, to steam people.

Sliding the lid away, Monkey saw the bag of sand

and Pigsy.

Where was his clone?

Where was Master?

Pigsy broke out into sobs first.

They found out Monkey had left, and Master was gone.

Monkey groaned.

Huh, made sense.

Wanting to rough up Monkey for the trouble, they probably pushed the clone beyond what it could bear, and Monkey didn't feel the single hair return to him.

He would invade their castle and fight a whole bunch of them and find the bound and jaded.

Pigsy stopped him.

No,

Monkey didn't understand.

Master was gone.

They ate him.

He looked to a nearby building.

Pigsy saw them, and Sandy at least heard the screams.

Monkey saw the fingernail ridges in the packed dirt of the path.

Xuanzong must have known that this time was different.

Xuanzong screamed until he couldn't.

According to Pigsy and Sandy, who couldn't contain their own grief?

The demons said that eating Xuanzong was the only way to get Monkey King to stop coming.

Where is he?

Monkey was grim.

They shrugged.

Last they knew, before the lid closed, they heard crunching coming from that building.

Bones, bones and sinew tossed to the ground like refuse.

Monkey Little Lantern and saw his master's robe among the carnage.

He shook with rage, stepping out into the open and took off into the sky.

Hey, brother!

Pigsy called out, wiggling against the ropes at his wrists.

He was going to free them, right?

Right?

The diamond guards stopped the monkey, crossing their spears to keep him from ascending the stairs to the peak.

As they argued, saying that Sun Wukong would never get in to see the Buddha, the real Monkey King flew high overhead.

He had come to see the Buddha.

He had come to see his master's duty complete, even if he had to walk the scriptures back to the land of the East himself.

Monkey landed before a tall door that, even though it was stone, seemed soft and warm and inviting.

It began to slide open as Monkey reached behind his ear for a staff to shatter it, and he found himself looking at the assembled arhats of the 18 heavens.

The Buddha has issued a summons for you, Sun Wu Kong, they said, before shuffling past him.

He did?

Sun Wu Kong grimaced.

He meant he did.

Yes, of course he did.

Good.

There were so many things Sun Wu Kong wanted to say.

Like, how if Xuanzong's quest was so important, why was it so impossible?

Why did no one seem to care about the Tang Monk until he was moments from being eaten?

And why was he eaten?

Here, though, standing before the Lotus throne, Monkey remembered the last time he had been there.

How he had been so brazen and shameless, so selfish and defiant, how he waged the entire war against heaven for his own ego.

He was torn asunder.

Monkey finally had something to live for, and it had been ripped away.

Now all he wanted was to see his master's duty complete, have the headband removed, and go back to be the king his monkeys deserved.

Come, the Tathagata Buddha rose from his throne.

We will rescue your friends.

Oh, Pigsy and Sandy, kind of a stretch to call them friends, Monkey said as he followed the Buddha out.

And then he sighed, okay, thanks.

As the two plodded out of the monastery, they saw two bodhisattvas walking up the path.

The Buddha nodded at them and, with a smile, asked how long their beasts of burden had been out of their enclosures.

The two bodhisattvas looked at each other and then up to the pair descending the mountains.

Um they learned of it this morning, but it had been probably a week in total.

Seven days, that's it?

Monkey said.

Wow, the damage the demons could do in a week.

Each day here is a thousand years down on earth, the Bodhisattva said.

The Buddha shook his hand for them to come.

The pair would get the elephant demon and the green lion demon.

He would take care of the rock demon.

It was in a very roundabout way, kind of related to his mother, when he turned into a diamond and burst from a peacock's back.

Monkey said he felt like a story was there, but for the sake of time, he decided not to ask.

Apparently they don't follow Narnia rules in the story, what with time passing while Monkey was away, or else that fifteen minutes he spent in the West would have been a little over ten years on Earth, and Pigsy and Sandy would have been long dead.

It just looks evil, doesn't it?

Monkey pointed to Lying Camel City, releasing black vapors into the air like something out of the legend of Zelda.

Go.

Go and lose.

The Buddha pointed to the city.

Retreat back here.

Monkey nodded.

He could do that.

It seemed like he had been doing nothing but that recently.

Luring them was easy.

They were arrogant, having just eaten the tang monk and gained the immeasurable power of his flesh, Monkey imagined.

He didn't let them land too hard a blow.

He wasn't here to win or even to fight.

Shaking after only five or six rounds, he darted off into the clouds.

It was a sight,

Monkey told Pigsy and Sandy as he untied them later.

They had been steamed for about about a day, but Pigsy's skin was thicker than they planned, and Sandy was a bag of sand, so they would be fine.

You didn't hear this from me, Monkey said.

But the armies of heaven, the followers of the Buddha, were awe-inspiring.

The Buddha fanned out into three images of himself, past, present, and future.

500 Arhats and 3,000 heavenly guardians fanned out on all sides.

The lion and elephant surrendered immediately when they saw their masters, who commanded them to transform from their demon forms to their original ones.

A lion and an elephant.

Why do the bodhisattvas of heaven have a lion as a beast of burden?

Like an elephant, I kind of understand, maybe, but a lion?

Sandy asked.

Monkey said no, yeah, he totally agreed, but didn't want to ask.

The bird, the rock, was the wild one.

The demon took to the air and tried to go after Monkey in a wild bid for revenge, but the Buddha, apparently, transformed his own head into an illusion of bloody meat to draw the bird to him.

He waved his fingers, and it transformed back into a simple giant bird of prey.

I have to go ahead and lead the journey, Monkey sighed, telling of how everyone had returned to heaven, and he found the city, with the demon kings subdued, abandoned by the little fiends.

Monkey had no doubt they would face them again at some point, but only if Pigsy and Sandy chose to come along and follow him.

The pair, stepping free from the steamer, said, Yeah,

they would do that.

To honor master.

As they were walking from the city, Monkey snapped his fingers.

Oh, there was something else.

The Buddha told him about a chest in the palace of the Demon Kings?

They had something there that would help Monkey on the journey to the west.

That would help them all grow to be what they were always meant to be.

It took them a while to find the iron chest, but in the highest tower of the biggest castle, it sat in a room all its own.

Monkey unceremoniously broke the lock and threw the lid open and

froze.

Master?

There, in the iron chest, their master, Xuanzong, lay huddled, wincing when he saw the light.

Xuanzong sat up, squinting.

What?

They weren't the demons?

You're alive?

Monkey asked.

Then turned to Pigsy, but Pigsy saw him being eaten.

Well, I saw him being dragged into a house.

And then I heard screams, and then they put the lid on the steamer, Pigsy clarified.

But I saw your body.

Monkey still couldn't believe it.

Sandy said, Monkey likely saw a body.

In a city of demons that ate the inhabitants there, well, there were probably a lot of bodies they could use as a devil.

That was the plan.

At least...

according to what Xuanzong overheard.

The demons needed time to prepare the monk to get the full benefits.

So they deceived the others into thinking that he was dead, so that Monkey would just abandon his quest and return to the flower fruit mountain.

They hadn't anticipated Sun Wu Kong going to the western heaven, bowing before the Buddha, and vowing to finish the quest himself.

Monkey, Xuanzong began to say, but Monkey cut him off with an embrace.

Pigsy and Sandy joined in, and, for the first time in a long time, the four reappreciated being together on this road, on the journey to the west.

You know, with the Buddha here, why didn't he meet us halfway and just drop off the scriptures?

Pigsy said the following morning when they finished packing Yulong the dragon horse.

It's because it's not about the destination, Pigsy, but about the journey, Sun Wu Kong smiled.

Yeah, but what I'm saying is that he could end it anytime, right now, even, by just delivering the scriptures, and then we could all be redeemed, the pigman explained.

Yeah, but what I'm saying is that that's not how redemption works, Pigsy, Monkey grumbled.

Yeah, but what I'm saying is it should be because I'm tired and you've been hogging all the rice, Pigsy stood.

Said the literal hog, Monkey rose.

Please, both of you, you're so,

so tiring.

Xuanzang had been released from the chest for all of one day now, and already wanted to go back in.

Master, please, let me handle the pigman, Monkey barked.

Oh, like you handled those demons, Sandy called out, scooping the rice onto his own plate and giving some to Yulong.

Pigsy and Sandy laughed.

Xuanzong groaned.

Yulong neighed, and Monkey grumbled, as they all continued their journey to the west.

That is actually a good stopping point this time, with no cliffhangers and no one seemingly but probably not actually dead.

Next week, it's Turkish folklore about how, if you want to find love, you'll just need to chuck balls at strangers at the market.

This episode is long enough, so to support the show and get ad-free and bonus episodes, check out mythpodcast.com/slash membership or find us on Apple Podcasts.

To connect with the community, I put the Discord invite into the show notes.

There are dozens of us there now.

And to see the show art and follow us on social media, we're on Instagram at Mythsandlegends.

The creature this week is Oogaloo.

the big weather creature from Babylonian mythology.

Now, one look at Oogaloo and you probably know what he's about, right?

I mean, he had the body of a man with a lion's head, donkey ears, and bird feet.

He's a demon with a raised dagger in one hand and a mace in the other.

He has a lion's tail and a kilt, and nothing against kilts, though.

My barber wears a kilt.

Hi, Mark.

When it comes to everything else, and the fact that he's known as a demon, well, it's pretty clear what he's up to, right?

Well, are you thinking that he's there to save your life?

Because yeah, contrary to everything he's seeming to communicate with his looks and what he is, the Oogaloo is only here to help.

Apparently, I'm all about the misleads this week because this monster, sorry, this demon, sorry, this creature is one of the good guys.

Yes, he was created as a bad guy when the goddess Tiamet needed some monsters to fight the younger gods.

Apparently though, Oogaloo was captured and rehabilitated by Marduk, the patron god of the city of Babylon, and put to work reconstructing the world from the corpses of Marduk's enemies, which, I mean, mean, fairly intense and doesn't really seem like good guy behavior, but okay.

I'll admit to not knowing much about ancient Babylonian mythology, something I might fix in a future episode, but as far as I can tell, the Oogaloo was something like hellboy after that.

Something called an Ood demon, or a day demon, that protects people from other demons, illnesses, and who can rescue them from certain death.

This creature and this week's storyline go to show that anyone can have a second shot at making good choices in life.

Except that for demons, they apparently need to be forced and all but tortured into doing so, and also can turn on you at the drop of a hat.

So, yeah, maybe you don't trust demons.

That's it for this time.

Myths and Legends is by Jason and Carissa Weiser.

Our theme song is by Broke for Free, and the Creature of the Week music is by Steve Colmes.

There are links to even more of the music we used in the show notes.

Thank you so much for listening, and we'll see you next time.

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