382: Sun Wukong: A Good Death (part 1 of 2)

This week, on Myths and Legends, we're back in the journey to the west with Sun Wu Kong, the Monkey King.

We'll learn how to defeat an army of 48,000 with a math lesson and how that vase in your house might just turn your enemies to goo.

The creature this time is the spider who is too awesome and unkillable, and that was what got it killed.

This is Myths and Legends, episode 382: A Good Death.

This is a podcast where we tell stories from mythology and folklore.

Some are incredibly popular stories you might think you know, but with surprising origins, and others are tales that might be new to you, but are definitely worth a listen.

We're back in the story of the monkey king, Sun Wu Kong.

In the story of the journey to the west, we follow Xuanzong, the human monk, who is tasked with retrieving holy scriptures from the thunderclap temple in the west.

Since the road is impossibly long and dangerous, he was granted four guards, essentially monsters on a redemption arc, for his trip.

There was Sun Wu Kong, the monkey king, a superpowered monkey who turned against heaven and nearly one hundreds of years prior.

There's also Pigsy, a stinky appetite-driven pigman who fights with a rake, and Sandy, a dour indigo sand monster man.

There's also their horse, which is actually a dragon, but who almost never leaves the form of a horse.

Today, we'll catch up with the party still traveling west, or trying to, if strange elderly men on the road would stop shrieking at them.

O great elder going west, you must turn back.

Turn back now.

Pull back on your horse's reins.

Before you, in the mountains, three demons lurk, lurk, who have devoured all the mortals in the world.

The man standing on a mountain cliff, with his flowing beard dancing in the breeze and hand holding the dragon staff aloft, cried.

Xuanzong gasped.

All the mortals in the world?

That sounds horrible.

Yeah, that sounds like hyperbole, because it is.

You are mortal, master.

You have not been devoured.

Monkey said with a sigh.

Hey, yeah,

Xuanzong looked up at the man.

I'm mortal, and I'm still here.

What gives?

Monkey, go go question this strange man.

Monkey looked up to the man.

The guy looked like the type of spook easily.

Monkey better changed into something more attractive.

With emotion, he cleaned up nice.

Into a very handsome young monk.

That's not what I was expecting, Xuanzong said.

Pigsy agreed.

He was expecting, like, when Bug's bunny got dressed up like a beautiful woman.

He paused.

was that was that a possibility or no no no drop it he'll drop it the strange man for a local mountain god in the guise of an old hermit warning travelers was pretty fearful seeming to know all about the tang monk's journey to the west he also seemed fairly confident that the journey so far was basically the equivalent of a few village priests exercising some small fiends monkey quickly got tired of the conversation and transforming from the attractive student to his true form one that was so hideous it had the old man pretending he was deaf and couldn't speak, Monkey descended the mountain.

I don't know, they were friends of the ten kings of hell and they go to the dragon king's parties or something.

He's up there.

It's this is ridiculous.

Monkey pointed.

Pigsy said he had this one.

Now, if you think Monkey had this guy panicking, you'd think Pigsy would be worse.

But it just goes to show how far a good attitude can go.

Apparently the good pig, bad monkey technique worked, because Pigsy managed to coax some information out of the man.

He's been up there a long time, Shuanzong whispered to Monkey and Sandy.

The two nodded.

They watched Pigsy turn, and his little hooves picked their way down the path.

The whole time he just stared off in the blue sky.

When he stood before the trio,

they recoiled.

What was that?

What what was that smell?

I pooped.

Pigsy swallowed hard.

I pooped my pants.

I pooped my pants out of fear.

That's actually in the story, by the way.

Monkey told him to go bathe or change his pants or at least be a little ashamed.

Come on.

Ashamed?

Ashamed?

Pigsy's little pig eyes grew.

He would not be ashamed.

This was a reasonable reaction to what he had just heard.

48,000 fiends guarding three arch demons?

Once even the heavens fear?

There should be poop in all of their pants.

They needed to run.

Run while they still could.

Pigsy, just please try to make sense.

Don't freak out.

Calm down and talk to us, Xuanzong said.

And then he learned all the details about the road ahead.

As he said, 48,000 demons guarded the lion camel cave where they, quote, devote themselves to devouring humans.

One foot in that cave and they would all be gone.

Monkey turned to look at his master's, Xuanzong's, shaking hands.

Xuanzong swallowed hard.

Okay, he was...

he was freaking out now too.

Seriously?

Really?

We're we're doing this?

Monkey groaned.

How is this different from anything we've faced or heard about so far?

Oh no, a big bad has like a million kajillion demons that eat people.

We confront them.

Some or all of you get captured.

Monkey saves the day, Monkey said.

This time would be no different.

They all just had to keep a level head.

Monkey plucked the rod from behind his ear.

Did they see this rod?

He could make this 400 feet long with an 80-foot diameter.

Did they know what that made him?

A giant demon steamroller.

He flies up, rolls it down, 5,000 demons into a nice paste.

He bats it back and forth a little bit like a kitty cat.

That's 40K right there.

Seriously, this is nothing.

For all they knew, the old guy up there could be a demon here to try to scare them.

Monkey would go have a look and they could set up camp here at a safe distance.

Don't worry.

He'd go check it out.

A 12-foot-tall demon stomped on the path as a fly zipped past him, landing fewer than 10 meters behind him.

He turned at a noise to see another 12-foot-tall demon with bright red skin.

Who are you?

I don't recognize you.

Well, maybe I don't recognize you, the demon who appeared where the fly had landed pointed back.

I'm the patrol demon.

Seriously, who are you?

I've never seen a demon that looks like you with your pointed bird mouth thing.

The demon waved his finger in a circle at the other's face.

Oh, shoot.

Hey, is that Sun Wu Kong over there?

The new guy pointed.

Oh, guess not.

Guess it was like a really attractive squirrel or something.

I don't know.

You changed it, the patrol demon pointed again at the newbie's mouth.

No, I didn't.

Monkey squinted, winking at the demon's face.

Ah, okay, now I had it.

He rubbed his mouth and finally got it right.

You did it again The patrol demon pointed his weapon at Monkey.

He needed some identification.

Now

I'm a I'm a fire tender.

Monkey threw up his demon hands and put them behind his head, his finger pinching the rod tucked behind his ear.

So why are you here, then?

The demon pointed to the the mountain path that he was patrolling.

Monkey thought about it.

Yeah, that that didn't make sense, did it?

Um I was promoted just now.

It turns out I was really good at tending fires, and the bosses thought, hey, I should go patrol the mountains.

How does that make sense?

The demon slightly lowered his weapon.

I know, bosses, am I right?

Monkey shook his head.

So this was his first day, which definitely explained any oddities or ignorance.

Okay, but when I asked for identification, I meant your nameplate, the patrol demon said, raising his spear a bit more.

Oh, of course, my nameplate, that thing that we all have and I definitely knew about.

Wait, can I see yours?

How do I know you're not Sun Wu Kong, the monkey king?

For this new guy's first day, he had good instincts.

Okay, here.

He showed Monkey the name plate and it said, quote, in command of all demons, little wind cutter.

Checks out, Monkey said, all the while pinching a hair from behind his back and transforming it into a nameplate of his own.

What the chief?

Wind cutter?

The demon reeled, but but but how?

That didn't didn't even make sense.

Take it up with the bosses.

I attended to the fire so well they gave me your job.

Monkey paused and then paced back and forth as the guard demon dropped to a bow, asking if there was any way he could make it up to his valiant commander.

He could procure a chunk of silver from each of the men stationed in this region.

Monkey said that sounded like a bribe.

He'd allow it.

In fact, gather everyone.

He had an announcement to make.

Now, we all know Sun Wu Kong is in the region.

Monkey, in the form of a demon, barked at the assembled demons.

Gasps went up.

In fact, I think he's already here, among us, in the form of a wind cutter.

Monkey eyed the little wind cutters, as they were called.

Who among them was not genuine?

They all called back in unison that they were genuine.

Monkey Demon nodded.

He was going to need them to prove that by listing off the abilities of the three great demon kings that they served.

At the slightest error, he would know they were the Monkey King and they would be arrested.

Was that understood?

Shouts of agreement all went up, because they were all legitimate and Sun Wu Kong was there in front of them.

Our great king can swallow 1,000 celestial warriors, the first windcutter demon cried out.

False, Monkey pointed, then remembered he wasn't actually doing an investigation.

Wait, for real, they can do that?

The Windcutters looked at each other about, okay, this was a weird quiz.

Famously, yes, he could do that.

Last year he was not invited to the Lady Queen Mother's Festival of Immortal Peaches, and he was super angry about it.

He grew to the size of heaven itself.

He can grow that big and shrink to the size of a vegetable seed.

Anyway, heaven sent 100,000 warriors after him, and he ate them.

Just one gulp.

Ate them.

Well I can do that too, Monkey Demon said.

Is what he would say if he was Sun Wu Kong next, go.

Our second demon king is 30 feet tall, has silkworm-like eyebrows, phoenix eyes, a lovely lady's voice, and teeth like long flat poles.

His nose resembles a dragon's if a dragon looked like an elephant, and he only needs to wrap his nose around an enemy, and it didn't matter if the person was made out of iron or bronze.

They would die.

Instantly.

And their soul would die, complete and utter darkness and death just right away.

Monsters with trunks aren't hard to catch, Monkey Demon said.

A third wing cutter raised his hand.

The third demon king was an R-O-C-Rock, a giant bird from typically Middle Eastern folklore.

His wing flapping was so powerful, it could move the ocean, and he carried a vase where, if a person was put inside it, they would be liquefied in an hour and 45 minutes.

For some reason, the vase was what really worried Monkey.

Still, he was just another fiend.

Monkey asked which one of them wanted to eat the Tang Monk.

Looking to each other, the other wingcutters furrowed their collective demon brows.

Um, all of them did?

Like, literally every single demon out here?

You see, the three apparently knew that if you eat even a little bit of the Tang Monk's flesh, you'd live forever.

And while the first and second demon kings had set themselves on the path, the third was out.

He retired to a city 400 miles away where he ate everyone in the city, every magistrate, warrior, civilian, child, every human, and took over the city, staffing it completely with demons.

He was worried, though, that Sun Wu Kong, the Monkey King, would come after him.

So he allied with the other two.

Together, they would all eat the Tang Monk.

Monkey King paced.

Okay, he just wanted to circle back.

Before, though, they said all of them wanted to eat the Tang Monk.

The Windcutter demons looked at each other, then Sun Wu Kong.

Well, yeah, that's why they were doing this.

To live forever.

Sun Wu Kong said he admired their bravery.

Just this morning, the Monkey King was seen on the edges of their land with his big staff out.

He was polishing it, talking to it, saying stuff like, oh boy, I bet you can't wait to get to smashing all those heads.

Even if there are a hundred thousand demons, you'll probably just love it more.

Love killing demons.

This is all in the text, by the way.

Monkey said that he was proud of the wing cutters and others, though, giving their lives for nothing.

The wind at the top of the mountain whipped their confused faces.

Well, not for nothing.

For getting to eat the Tang Monk.

They would all get to live forever.

Monkey said, but okay, think about it.

The human body is about 20% bone and 60% water.

That leaves, what?

20% edible soft tissue, flesh?

That's only 30 pounds, given that the Tang Monk is maybe maybe 150 pounds which he probably isn't now if they truly had 48 000 demons at 28.35 grams per ounce and 16 ounces in a pound that's monkey made a show of working up the numbers that's 0.28 grams of flesh per demon that is a quarter of a paper clip's worth of flesh one sixteenth of the weight of a piece of paper so no

They were probably doing it for nothing.

And, well, he commended the sacrifice because that was a scary...

He turned to the armor and the spears hanging in mid-air and the shields dropping to the ground, rolling around a bit before coming to a rest.

All of them left hanging there after the demons cartoonishly bolted.

And Monkey smiled.

We'll see the questionable interior decorating choices of the three demon kings, but that will be right after this.

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Demons scattered all over the hillside, Monkey finally made his way inside the Lion Camel Cave.

The 48,000 demon army reduced down to the top brass and a couple thousand stragglers, all with only a few well-placed speeches.

You know what?

Maybe he was learning and growing.

Still, he had to say, hanging out, commanding all these demons kind of reminded him of the good old days with his monkeys.

Kind of fun.

Pushing open the door to the cave, Monkey nearly vomited.

So, I've never been a terribly tidy person.

It's always been a struggle for me, and it's something that I need to actively be aware of and work on.

That being said, no matter how difficult I find it or how messy I get, I...

I know not to leave food out or on the floor.

And it also helps that my food isn't, and has never been, humans.

Yeah, it gets a little graphic here, but when Monkey walked inside the cave, it was piles of bones with blood and muscle still clinging to them, quote, human hair packed together like blankets, and human flesh trodden as dust and dirt.

Human tendons knotted and just tossed aside.

Monkey grimaced.

Yeah, the smell was bad, and it was all very macabre and gross, but it was also just wasteful.

Monkey covered his nose and pressed on farther, trying not to rech when he made it to the second door, and it was an oasis.

Described as quiet and elegant, tasteful and spacious, the room was less a room and more a private, hidden veil.

Aged pine and exotic flowers, fragrant, beautiful scents.

Walking through well, it was just a pleasure.

Making it to the end, seven miles later, Monkey found a third doorway at the top of a rocky stair.

Peeking inside, he saw three thrones.

On the first, a green lion monster.

On the second, a bullheaded monster with a long elephant nose.

And on the third, a golden winged rock, a giant bird of prey.

Yeah, I'm back for my patrol.

Monkey sauntered on in, still in the form of a demon, and bowed before the kings.

And things well, things were not great.

Nope, bad, real bad.

Most of their army had fled, and Sun Wu Kong, the Tang monk's disciple, was seen squatting by his stream polishing his staff, talking about how much he loved killing.

In fact, he said when he caught the three kings, he would skin the first king, debone the second, and pull out the tendons of the third.

I knew it!

The rock, the third king, shouted at the other two.

This had been a horrible idea.

Sun Wu Kong could be there at any moment.

Well, not to raise alarm even more, but Sun Wu Kong could already be here, Sun Wu Kong said.

He's a master of transformation, that one.

He could be a lizard, a snail, even Winky plucked some hair from his back and let it drift.

A fly?

Just then, a fly buzzed from behind his back and made for the face of the first demon king, the green lion, and Monkey was not disappointed.

Of course, the second demon king, the bull elephant guy, smacked the first in the face, and that led to the lion smacking him back and hitting the rock, who swept in with his wing and took out the first two, and Monkey was cracking up by the time the lion pounced on the bird, cracking up so much that he didn't notice the trio stop fighting and turned to him.

You see, monkeys' transformations don't require much focus, but they do require

some focus.

The fly was the first thing to glitch out a couple of times before turning back into hair and zipping to monkey's side, which drew the eyes of all the demons to the little windcutter who, with each new burst of laughter, had fur popping from his face and sides.

His eyes and nose became a little more simian, and his tail grew.

Monkey was wiping his eyes before the demons were standing over him.

Vase, vase, grab my vase, the third demon king, the rock, shouted.

Monkey looked up.

Vase, what?

Why a vase?

Monkey dropped, all the while wondering why was he naked?

The vase took him, but not his clothes?

Well, that was weird.

I mean, he was just sucked up into a giant bird demon's magic vase his whole life was weird.

Still though, why naked?

He was able to use his powers to cushion his fall and found himself in a vast room, the walls rising from a curved floor about a mile in every direction, and the light from above coming down from a small circle in the center of the ceiling.

Monkey took flight and began ascending, and kept ascending.

After about 20 minutes, he stopped and drifted the 15 or 20 feet down to the floor.

It was then that he looked around.

Turned a pus in an hour and 45 minutes.

Psh.

Monkey laughed.

If that was the case, he should be well on his way.

It was actually super cool and comfortable in the vase.

And it was.

Monkey just didn't know that the magical vase that turns living things to pus

was voice activated.

He managed to get his fire sign up fast enough so he wasn't instantly immolated by the wall of flame that hid him from the top and sides.

He laughed.

He had been cooked alive by heaven.

They were going to have to do better than that.

Turns out, they could.

A half hour after it started, the flames abated, down to a gentle several thousand degree heat, and Monkey relaxed, but not for long.

Little trap doors opened on the clay walls and snakes, dozens of snakes, 40 in total, slithered out.

I mean, personally, that would be it for me, but 40 snakes is not nothing, but basically nothing for Sun Wu Kong.

He multiplied his hands and, in minutes, 40 snakes were 80 snake pieces.

Wiping his paws on his leg fur, Monkey noticed, for a brief moment, that he was in shadow.

Glancing up, he saw not one, but three.

Three red dragons circling the hole of light in the top of the vase.

Three giant Game of Thrones Season 8 Dragons.

Monkey laughed and reached behind his ear for his staff that wasn't there.

He must have lost that too when he lost all of his clothes.

He wasn't worried about someone taking it.

It was kind of like Thor's hammer.

Marvel Thor's hammer, not mythological Thor's hammer.

That guy very easily lost his.

Now, not just anyone could lift Monkey's staff.

It wasn't a worthiness thing, it was just really heavy.

Still, Monkey could be in trouble here.

Alright, time to bust out.

He closed his eyes and burst from his form, expanding until he was tens, hundreds, a thousand times his size.

But the vase remained unchanged around him.

He was still the same distance from the sides and top.

It grew with him.

He shrank down to subatomic monkey and the vase was the same.

It was microscopic too.

Monkey grew back to his normal size and began walking to the edges to start wailing on them, but his legs gave out.

Monkey turned and he could move his legs, but not much.

Barely drawing them to his chest, getting them underneath himself so he could stand was another matter entirely, almost impossible.

Quote, his shanks were turning flaccid because of the fire.

Monkey sat back, looking up at the dragons, still circling.

Not knowing if he still had the strength to fight whatever the vase had next, he began to despair.

Xuanzong would die on his quest when the demons finally came for him, and Monkey wasn't there to protect him.

Most importantly, though, Monkey would fail.

Done in by a vase.

He laid siege to heaven itself and hadn't fallen.

Now a vase was making his shanks go flaccid.

Too far from even Guang Yin's help.

He had to accept.

Then he had a memory.

One of his first day on the job.

So yes, okay, I'll join the Tang monkey and guide him to the west.

How hard could that be?

Monkey, still chained beneath his mountain, had said.

Pretty difficult and long, actually, Guan Yan said, walking the room around him.

Nah, I'm not saying you're wrong, but you're wrong.

What are you doing back there?

Monkey tried to turn to see what Guan Yan was doing behind him, but only felt her finger grazing his neck.

Helping you out.

In a time when I'll be too far to hear your voice, you'll need my aid.

Guan Yen stepped back.

It's itchy, whatever you're doing, stop it.

I won't need your help.

I don't need anyone's help ever.

I'm great sage equal to heaven.

Heaven's equal.

Anything you'd think to give me is something I won't need because I'm equal to not just you, but everyone.

Monkey, clearly at the very start of his redemption arc, barked.

Okay, I'm just going to say it.

I put three hairs in the back of your neck for well la la la la la.

Monkey managed to pull at his chains enough to shove his fingers in his ears.

For when you're trapped in a va

She was still talking.

Monkey put his fingers back in his ears until he saw her mouth stop moving and her eyes roll in an exasperated sigh, and her feet turned to leave.

The Tang monk will be by soon, Guan Yan informed Monkey.

Monkey yelled back that as soon as she was gone he was gonna punch that memory right out of his head.

He didn't need her help or anyone else's.

Oh, this was a cool new golden headband.

Why did she put this on him?

Fun.

Monkey, back in the vase, sighed.

His paw found the hairs, three hairs stiffer and stronger than those around them.

Wincing, he plucked them free.

He set them down on the floor of the vase, and as soon as they touched down, one turned to a bamboo chute, one into a drill, and the third into a rope that spelled out, you're welcome.

Monkey shook his head with a smile and began assembling.

Moments later, he shot the drill at the wall with the bow he made out of the string in the bamboo, and it nearly instantly began to cool as a small beam of light cut through into the vase.

Heat abating, Monkey breathed and felt his strength returning.

Whatever magic kept this vase growing and shrinking was broken.

A mole cricket no wider than a quarter of a hair leapt from the hole made in the side of the vase.

and onto the green hair of the lion, the eldest demon.

Yeah, I mean, he's...

he's melted, right?

Pilgrim's son?

He shook the vase.

He called for the 36 demons who transported the vase to come over and move this thing to the basin, so they could pour it out and see all the soupy, bloody mess that was now the Monkey King.

Setting it down on their assembled, outstretched claws, the demons...

the littler fiends all looked at each other.

Okay, they were just going to say it.

It was...

it was light.

The lion demon king asked what they meant.

It's too light.

It feels empty, they said.

Right?

The rest nodded at each other.

No, it wasn't just him.

It was super light.

Paw running through the beard part of his mane, the lion demon king said, Yeah, it did feel lighter.

Huh.

Well, Monkey was still obviously in there, because otherwise that pile of clothes no one could move would be...

He looked over to the pile of clothes.

The one that was cleaned up.

It had been moved by the one being that could move it, which meant that Monkey was gone.

We'll see how the group responds to Monkey's personal growth, but that will, once again, be right after this.

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So let me get this straight.

You didn't fight the three demon kings of the Lion Camel Cave?

Xuanzang asked.

Well, no, but I went through a trial that showed just how much I've grown as a monkey and as a celestial being.

How now I'm willing to accept that I can't handle everything and that it's okay to ask for help.

How I'm not in it alone, and I really feel like from your body language and tone, you're not happy for me?

Monkey crossed his arms.

No, Monkey, I am.

I'm really pleased by this positive growth for your character.

I am just...

We really need those demons to not be alive anymore.

That's really your job on this trip, Xuanzong grimaced.

My job is to gain redemption, Monkey said.

By

your job is to gain redemption by?

Xuanzong waved his hand.

Almost there.

By protecting the Tang Monk and helping him on his journey to the west, Monkey muttered.

And are we able to proceed west at this moment?

Xuanzong smile grimaced.

No,

okay, I'll go get rid of them, Monkey groaned.

I'm just saying I don't know why I needed to come come along, Pigsy said to Sun Wu Kong.

Master thought that I couldn't handle it given that I didn't handle it, Monkey said as the pair coasted along on their clouds.

If it's any consolation, he didn't feel like Pigsy had much to add here either.

Monkey could handle three demon kings, especially now that he knew what he was up against.

But, like even the common people say, quote, even a fart is additional air, and that is a direct quote.

As Pigsy tried to work out whether or not that was a compliment, it wasn't, they approached the cave.

It looked very different from the last time Monkey was there, in that he couldn't just walk right in.

The doors were closed, and the entrance was a wall of moss and stone.

Come on, don't do this, Monkey pounded on the door.

Come out so we can talk.

I just want to talk.

Monkey's staff grew in his hand.

Inside, it was pandemonium.

He escaped and he's back, the Lying King, but not that Lying King growled.

Who?

Who among you will go out and face Sun Wu Kong, the Monkey King?

Who has enough courage to fight him?

the Lion Demon King roared to the assembled demons.

The demons that still lingered in the lair looked at each other and then at their boss.

They they pointed to their ears and shook their heads.

I just wa wait, can you not hear me?

the Lion Demon King asked of his minions.

They looked to one another and then appeared to be talking, but LDK couldn't hear the words.

Was there some magic or something?

Some sorcery that blocked his commands?

No,

the elephant demon king said.

They're just, they're pretending they can't hear you and can't speak to you, so you won't make them fight.

Wait, for real?

Like in the text and everything?

In the text and everything, the elephant dragon demon king said.

Are you really just pretending not to hear me?

The lion demon king asked.

Again, they pointed to their ears and shrugged.

They are really committed to this.

Whatever.

I'll fight him, the Lion Demon King said.

They already looked bad, huddled in their lair, ignoring a challenge.

Besides, no one had been able to go more than three rounds with the Lion Demon King anyway.

If in three rounds he didn't win, just throw open the doors and let him dive inside, and they just let the group pass.

Sound good?

The other demon kings agreed, and the Lion Demon King gave the orders to open up.

He's so little, one of the minion demons whispered to the other, who slapped his shoulder.

The Lion Demon King glared back at them.

He knew it.

Monkey was a lot littler than the Lion Demon King, though.

But that didn't mean LDK was disrespectful.

He said, look, whatever problem they thought they had, Monkey had started it when he invaded their lair and threatened his demons.

They weren't even gonna go after the Tang Monk.

They were already functionally immortal.

Why put that at risk in a fist fight with a monkey?

Okay, you're lying.

I talked to all your demons before I scared them off, and they said that you were out for the Tang Monk's flesh.

You even promised to split it evenly, but when I helped them out with the math and just how little that was, they bolted, Monkey stated.

0.28 grams, the lion bobbed his head.

0.28 grams, yes, Sun Wu Kong said.

So, where did that leave them?

Let me crack your head open, the lion said, throwing out a pretty big ask.

Um, excuse you?

Sun Wu Kong froed his brow.

Yeah, I was thinking we could go back and forth and 30 rounds of big sky battles and whatnot, and either you vanquish me and end up fighting my brothers, or I temporarily best you and send you running and head back to my cave and blah, blah, blah.

Sun Wu Kong nodded.

Yeah, that was generally how these things went.

Or, test of strength.

You let me whale on your head with an axe twice.

Just twice.

Then, you get to hit me once.

If you're as strong as your reputation suggests and you survive, then I couldn't have beaten you anyway, and we let you pass.

If you die, then I eat the tang monk without all the tedium and exhaustion for both of us.

Alright, I'll take that bet, Monkey said, and stowed his staff once again behind his ear.

Ten minutes later, the Monkey King knelt.

Demons, still numbering in the thousands, surrounded them and, wow, they could hear again.

That That was nice.

The Lion Demon King, axe aloft, brought it down on Monkey's head.

And the vibration of the axe actually stung the Lion Demon King more than the axe head hurt the monkey.

All right, halfway there, Monkey laughed.

He did it already, right?

The axe blow.

Monkey didn't know if it was that or if there was a mosquito that landed on his head.

LDK, not nervous at all, chuckled and said, All right, get ready.

Time for round two.

He closed his eyes and breathed and whispered to himself to give it everything he had.

And he did.

And it worked.

The axe broke the skin, it broke the skull and monkey's brain, and it just kept on going, hewing the monkey king, Sun Wu Kong, completely in half.

What?

What?

I did it?

The lion demon king dropped his axe?

He did it.

He killed Ban Horseplag.

Great sage, equal to heaven, Sun Wu Kong, the monkey king, was dead.

The monkey king is dead.

Cheers went up.

The rest of the demon kings hugged and congratulated their brother, the green lion.

The thousands of demons in attendance cried out in celebration.

But the two who cheered the loudest, though, were the two Sun Wu Kongs.

Wait, what?

The lion demon king looked to monkeys.

Plural.

The two halves of Sun Wu Kong who had grown halves of their own to make two holes of Sun Wu Kong.

Body division spell.

Monkeys smiled.

Just for fun, really.

If the Demon King cut him a thousand times, he would have two thousand Monkey Kings.

Well put, Wu Kong, the other Monkey King said.

Thanks, Pilgrim's son.

Hey, how about a hug?

Yeah, always, buddy.

And the pair embraced and fused, and Monkey shook himself, revealing that he was just one monkey again.

All right, his turn.

No, no, no, no, unfair, the lion demon king said to Sun Wu Kong.

He couldn't strike a man in front of his door.

Um, these were the terms.

It's extremely fair.

Here, let me cave your head in with my staff.

It'll only hurt a lot, Monkey King's staff grew.

Okay, I only agreed to this when I thought that I would win.

He dove and scooped up the axe he had dropped in celebration.

No, no, come on, this is boring.

This is just what we said we didn't want to happen.

Come on, don't do this, Sun Wu Kong pleaded, but it was happening.

20 rounds, time to go.

The lion grew in size, and Monkey took off toward his head.

And they fought.

Big, showy, boss fight ridiculousness rang out across the mountain range as, yes, 20 rounds of the big green lion attacking with his axe and Monkey repelling and attacking with his staff entertained the demons.

and inspired Pigsy.

Pigsy rose from the bushes he dove into, a place where he'd get some nice shade.

It had nothing to do with being scared.

Now, though, he remembered his purpose.

He remembered why he had been called upon by his master.

He was here to help his older brother, Sun Wu Kong.

He pulled out his rake and leapt into the air.

Remember that the green lion demon king was very big.

Monkey hadn't grown in response, likely because that would have implied that he needed to grow in response.

And he wanted the three demon kings to know just how little he thought of them.

Pigsy, while he was capable of growing, didn't.

And while he probably thought he looked awesome, shooting through the sky with his rake out, to the giant lion, he probably looked like a delicious little pork dumpling.

Pigsy was so absorbed with his shouting and posing that he didn't notice the Lion King take notice and open his mouth.

Monkey saw, though.

He saw Pigsy shooting toward the Lion Demon King's open mouth, and he knew.

He knew that something like this would kill Pigsy.

Given how difficult a time Monkey had in the vase earlier, it might even kill him.

It definitely wouldn't be like that dragon a few months back, where Monkey killed it by growing while inside its stomach.

The Lion Demon King could adapt to such things.

Monkey sighed and knew what he must do.

He called up a cloud and shot off into the sky.

Pigzy didn't see Sun Wukong, but he felt him.

One moment, Pigsy was soaring toward the Lion Demon King, but Pigsy realized too late that the Lion turned to face him, that LDK opened his mouth.

Pigsy was moving too fast to stop when, the next moment, he hit the ground.

He glanced up to see the last look on Sun Wu Kong's face.

It was a look of acceptance, of peace, that he had given his life for his brother and that he was okay with that.

It was a gift that Pigsy would never forget.

Pigsy stayed long enough to see the lion demon King Chu and the thousands of demon eyes now turned to him.

He called up a cloud of his own and flew down the mountainside as fast as he could to tell Master and Sandy the terrible news.

The journey to the west was over.

Sun Wu Kong, the Monkey King, was dead.

That's where we'll stop for this week.

Next week, we'll see how Pigsy and Company respond to the death of the Monkey King.

We talked about the best way to connect a few weeks back, and thanks to everyone who wrote in and who did the poll.

Discord won out, so I made a server, and we'll see how that goes.

I also have an updates page you don't have to log in to see at mythpodcast.com slash updates that will contain all the important info.

If we miss a week, or if there are corrections, like maybe last week, I'm working on an email list too, for everyone who requested that.

And if you're looking to connect with us on social media, the place to do that is Instagram at instagram.com slash mythsandlegends.

What a fun, totally not exhausting technological world we now live in.

The creature this time is Chugumo from Japanese folklore.

Now, we've talked about giant Japanese spiders before.

It's a thing.

This one's name means, literally, dirt spider.

So in an already crowded playing field, it might want to work on its branding.

That being said, it had a solid gig as a giant evil spider.

It had a reputation of being so big it was impossible to kill, and on an archipelago full of guys with extremely sharp swords who would not only kill monsters to prove themselves, but kill each other for looking the wrong way at a stranger, to be impossible to kill is saying something.

Yep, it had the horns, it had the spiky feet.

It had the crazy sharp teeth with a mouth like something between a crocodile and a cartoon dog.

Some places it had the body of a tiger with feet like a spider.

It hunted humans for sport and food and destroyed everything that crossed its path.

The Chugumo had it all.

So what happened?

What happened was that it got too big.

If you have a giant monster that samurai think they can kill, you'll have a constant trickle of warriors coming by to try to slay that monster until an epic hero finally finishes it off.

The problem with being impossible to kill was, well,

now it was off the to-do lists of the warriors.

If it's it's impossible to kill, it's like trying to stab a hurricane.

You can do it.

It's not a good idea and you'll probably die though.

So it opened up the doors to very clever, very simple solutions.

Tired of being eaten and having their farms and villages annihilated, the people got together.

They worked with local blacksmiths who gave them special not being eaten by a spider pricing and they built a net.

a steel net.

After the monster ravaged its last farm and shuffled home, its spider spider belly dragging on the ground despite eight legs holding it aloft, the people followed it, and, while it slept, and after they dropped some things off inside, they hammered the net into place over the cave.

Now, the spider awoke, but by then it was too late.

Being so huge that it was functionally invincible was nice for fighting samurai, not so much for trying to squeeze through the holes in the steel netting.

What could fit through the netting, though, were the arrows.

Flaming arrows, to be exact, aimed at all those explosives, straw, and wood that people lined the caves with while the monster slept.

The spider, well, the people watched it burn, and come morning, the dirt spider was ash.

So yeah, if at first you don't succeed in your big epic monster fight, I guess just follow the monster home, lock the door, and burn its house down.

That's it for this week.

Myths and Legends is by Jason and Carissa Weiser.

Our theme song is by Broke for Free, and the Creature of the Week music is by Steve Combs.

There are links to even more of the music we used in the show notes.

Thank you so much for listening, and we'll see you next time.

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