Ep 151: Rob Brydon

Hello, it's Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu Podcast.

Hello, it's James Acaster here from the Off Menu Podcast.

And before the episode starts, we'd like to talk to you about All Our Relations, a non-profit co-founded by your friend of mine, comedian Jen Brister, and Georgia Takax.

Yes, All Our Relations was originally started to support 15 families in Gaza when the genocide started, but now supports 21 families and funds several mutual aid projects, including two seven-day food kitchens and two mobile food parcel delivery schemes, as well, feeding hundreds of families in Gaza every single day.

They've created an absolutely amazing thing.

And we feel like, you know, it's the off-menu podcast.

We talk about food and we are very lucky to eat wonderful food and have access to absolutely brilliant food all of the time.

And I think we need to talk about people who have access to no food, James.

Absolutely.

So if people would like to donate, please go to allourrelations.co.uk or look at the links in Jen Brister's bio on Instagram.

Every penny raised go to supporting people in Gaza.

Thank you so much and enjoy the episode.

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Welcome to the Off-Menu podcast.

Taking the egg whites of conversation, whisking it as hard as you can with the whisk of the internet, pouring it into the ramekin of humor, putting it in the warm oven of chat, and making the souffle of entertainment.

Wow, I mean, Ed knows so much more about cooking than I do that I don't know where it's going until I don't know what it is until the end.

I was like, what is this?

What's he made?

Well, there's some other ingredients I didn't put in, like any sugar or any flavoring.

So

it's just hot egg.

I've made hot egg.

Hot egg?

Yeah.

Well, in many ways, that does represent the podcast.

Yes.

That said, Gamble, my name is James A.

Caster.

This is the off-menu podcast.

So we have a dream restaurant and we invite a guest in to tell us their favorite ever.

Start a mankold's dessert, side dish, drink.

Not in that order.

Did I say them all?

Start a manko's dessert, side dish, and drink.

That's all going in.

Not in that order.

And this week, our guest is

Rob Bryden.

Rob Bryden, of course.

Rob Bryden, National Treasure.

National Treasure, baby.

Wonderful actor, wonderful comedian, wonderful host of Would I Lie to You?

He does it all.

He's a Renaissance man.

Yeah, has his own podcast, Bryden and.

Yes, he does indeed.

That you've been on.

Yeah, but I don't know if it's been out yet.

Oh, it's been a bit of a mess.

So, yeah, so who knows?

A little exclusive.

will this go out before or after that one but um we'll see we'll see we'll see very excited to have Rob on the show big fan of Rob's have been for a long time both big fans of his work however if he does say the secret ingredient an ingredient which we deem to be disgusting we will kick him out of the podcast although you know it's actually this week as an ingredient that someone else has suggested that they're disgusting and this week the secret ingredient has been suggested by Gareth Edwards on Twitter and Gareth has suggested

jellied eels Jellied eels.

Now, I'm worried because Rob is he's old school.

Sure.

He's an old school entertainer.

He sings, he dances.

Yeah.

He does jokes.

Yeah.

Jellied eel is quite an old school thing, but I guess more of a London thing.

And Rob is, of course, a Welsh man.

Yes.

I'd worry more if we'd got like Mickey Flanagan on or someone.

Yeah.

He might pick a jelly deal or like

that guy who plays brick top in Snatch.

Like those guys.

Yeah, yeah.

They might choose a jelly deal.

Yeah.

With Rob, I think he's probably on safe ground here, but maybe he's trying to go against type.

Maybe he's like, yeah, well, everyone thinks that I just love stuff from Wales, but actually

it's a jelly deal.

I've never had a jelly deal, to be fair.

Neither have I.

I don't want one.

They've never looked nice.

They've never been described nicely to me, but maybe that's just the company I'm keeping.

Maybe I need to speak to different people.

They're the sort of thing that you would think is ripe for like a hipstification.

Yeah, sure.

Maybe

the idea of them grows people out so much that they could never.

I wouldn't be surprised if someone has tried it or is going to try it.

Because also that look of like you can imagine someone with the braces and the wax mustache.

Yeah.

And they're selling jellied eels

in a pie shop or something.

Yeah.

So, I mean, that's going to happen if it hasn't already.

Yeah.

Well, there we go.

Something to look forward to.

Something to look forward to.

But if Rob says it, he's out.

Rob says it, he's out.

And so is that.

We'll chuck a hipster out with him.

Yeah.

Just to for balance.

Yeah, Benito.

Yeah, Benito, you little hipster.

Your stupid braces and big moustache.

Yeah.

That's what Benito looks like.

Everyone always asks, what does a great Benito look like?

Yeah, like Sweeney Todd, but with Nikes on.

Yeah, that's exactly what it looks like.

Yeah.

Ed, you're going on tour, aren't you?

I'm going on tour.

I'm on tour.

Your gamble.

Electric is the name of the show.

Edgamble.co.uk.

For tickets.

Would love to see you at them.

And you can pre-order my new book, James A.K.S.'s Guide to Quitting Social Media, Being the Best You You Can Be, and Curing Yourself of Loneliness, Volume 1.

Pre-order it wherever you get your books.

But for now, this is the off-menu menu of Rob Bryden

welcome Rob to the dream restaurant well it's so nice to be here thank you for having me

welcome Rob Bryden to the dream restaurant we've been expecting you for some time it's uh i can only echo what i said to ed really thanks very much it's very nice to be here yeah yeah very exciting what do you think happened in front of you there that sound what was i think that was the genie That was the genie.

I've done my research.

Yeah, yeah.

You never know.

You never know.

I've listened to this.

I've got enough respect for you guys

that I listened and thoroughly enjoyed it.

That was the genie.

Yes.

Popping out.

Yeah, yeah.

Popping out quite vociferously today.

It was a good pop-out, I think.

It's a good pop-out.

I feel quite confident.

I've got to be confident around Rob.

Yeah.

You've got to be confident around Rob.

Yeah, yeah.

Why?

Yeah.

It don't show him any weakness.

See, that's interesting.

I feel naturally at ease around Rob.

Yeah, yeah.

Immediately.

Yeah, yeah.

But

you've got your guards up straight away.

Yeah, you've got my guard up.

You're right to do that, Acusta, because if you show me the slightest chink, I will take you down.

You'll get me.

I will.

You will.

Well, you know, I'm happy to take that.

Well, I don't want to take that with Skychann concerns.

There'll be nothing you and your modern, up-to-the-minute hipster humour can do about it.

It'll be old school all the way.

Man, imagine if there's another series of the trip, they were like, you've got to have

some new blood, some modern hipster humor.

And

I managed to make the cut.

We take you along with us.

We're getting destroyed.

Like scrappy doppy-doo.

Scrappy-doo around the table.

You're the kid that's with us.

We're getting absolutely just torn apart.

I don't think you say it'll be.

I don't think you would.

I think you would overpower us with the power of now, basically.

And we'd look like two granddads and we'd be going,

go on, Steve, come back to him with something.

Oh,

I can't forgive anything.

It's really fast.

I know, but you are as well.

Well, sorry are you.

Why don't you say something?

But obviously you and Steve are back and forth with impressions as well in the trip.

So James would have to get involved in that, really, wouldn't he?

Yeah, who'd you do?

Oh, no.

So James, what what could you do if it was all sort of if it was fast-paced impressions around?

I know where he's going with this, Rob.

I know.

You've got one up his sleeve, have you?

Well, I haven't got any sleep.

Well, this is a regular thing on the podcast.

It's so far up his sleeve it's popped out his collar.

Is that Ed?

Ed makes me do an impression quite vaguely on this podcast, and I don't like doing it and I've been very this he's really done well here

it's very early isn't it it's very early in the podcast very early but I because I I specifically like it when James has to do it to people who are good at impressions or accents or anything like that yeah but we can move on can't we don't let's hear it so who is it well I'll do it and you can guess who it is oh good good what would you like me to talk about

talk about

act like I'm on the trip with you and Steve yeah so you could say something like what talk about the food?

Let's say we're having a lovely starter.

Talk about that.

That's what we talk about.

Oh, Steve, do you like your starter?

Huh?

Donkey!

It's donkey me.

Steve, are you eating your starter man?

Oh, is that meant to be Mike Myers doing Shrek?

My name is Shrek.

It's Shrek, is it?

Yeah.

It's only because you said donkey.

If you hadn't said donkey.

Yeah, the first bit you were.

You may as well have said that.

Oh, Princess Fiona, she's lovely.

I mean, yeah, no, no, it's not good.

I've got too much.

I said it's, you heard me.

I said it's not good.

I've got too much respect for you, James, to say anything other.

No, no, it's not good.

It's not your area.

I would stay out of that area.

You're committed to it.

You gotta admit that.

Oh, there's no doubt you committed to it.

If anything, that made it worse.

Is that the first thing on the checklist of a good impression?

Commitment?

Yeah.

Throwing yourself.

No, no, stamping like that person.

That's the first thing.

And that's the bit I think that James skipped over.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You have so many talents, James.

I think you've got to...

It would be like me trying to do keepy-uppies, you know, it's never going to happen.

It's rubbish.

No, I can't.

can't but you wouldn't try your character in the trip would try your character in the trip would be very competitive

of course yes but of course you see that's where my character in the trip is very much a fabrication because i'm not that i'm competitive in some ways but in others i'm massively uncompetitive i'm happy for a no-score draw but then you think very sportsmanly you told me a story about throwing sweets into an audience oh yeah yeah Where you were thinking like a tennis player.

I like playing tennis.

How you threw the sweets was like you weren't just throwing the sweets you were like right i've got to do it like i'm serving in a tennis match well because it was in front of an audience this is when we were doing would i lie to you and before the pandemic what they do on those shows um i think probably do on most panel shows so they do a long record so they bring you sugar basically to pep you up So they would bring jelly babies around and you'd eat them.

But of course, you just go up and then you crash the other side of it.

So what I would do is I would throw some out to the audience, you know, get them involved, throw some out, underarm to the ones near the front, but overarm for the ones further back.

And, you know, people would laugh, oh, this is fun.

But I threw one, and as James said, you know, really, I want to get the projection, follow through on the throw, so you get a bit of distance.

And this little old lady was sat in the front row of the raised bleachers bit, and it sailed through the air, and she wasn't paying attention.

It hit her squarely between the eyes, and she went down.

She went down like a sniper had taken her out.

Do you know who you say?

And they just go.

And she went down.

And if I'm being honest, my first thought was for myself.

I just thought, oh my God,

what have I done?

And she stayed down for what seemed like an eternity.

It was probably only a third, 20 seconds, not even that long.

And she was okay.

And I've never thrown a jelly baby from that day.

Was there any part of you that was quite satisfied when that happened?

No.

Bullseye.

Bullseye.

No.

I thought everything was over.

I don't think you can end a career on that.

Actor and comedian Rob Bryden has been detained in custody after assaulting an elderly woman in the audience of the popular panel show, Would I Lie to You?

Yeah, but then it's like you read further on.

People don't read any further on it, do they?

They don't.

They see the.

I think the only way your career is in danger is if after you had phoned it, you had said bullseye.

If you phone it, she goes down and you go, bullseye.

I was in the audience and I distinctly heard him under his breath.

He said, Bullseye.

He didn't shout it.

I'll give him that.

But under his breath, and

he slightly punched the air with his fist.

But then the the way entertainment works, it'd be ten years of nothing and then you'd host a reboot of bullseye.

Yeah, but you know, I tell you what, I wouldn't be happy with the ten years of nothing.

No, fair enough.

Call me a stiffler.

Yeah, just don't throw sweets.

Yeah, ten years of nothing and then

bullseye.

Of the three of you, and would I lie to you?

Um, who do you think has the best taste in food?

Oh, good.

Oh, that's interesting.

The best taste in food?

Probably me.

I think I might have the most curious palate, possibly.

I think Lee is quite...

I mean, we've eaten together a zillion times.

Yeah, Lee is quite basic.

I mean, in every sense.

David is a little more urbane, but he's also quite cautious.

He's a cautious man.

Well, we've interviewed Victoria on this podcast.

Yeah.

And we know about their eating habits.

So what did she say?

Well, I feel like there's more about her that she takes.

These are kind of meat and potatoes, aren't they?

They're meat and potatoes guys, aren't they?

When they go on holiday, they take a mini food with them so they can have their own food from home.

Oh, dear God, do they honestly?

Yes.

Oh, that's pathetic.

I don't know why that hasn't come up all our lives yet.

I was with him last night, and I will be with him on Friday night.

And you can rest assured I'll be bringing this with him.

Yeah, yeah.

yeah.

Because that makes me angry.

And you want to say, you're a grown man.

Come on.

But it surprises me with Victoria because Victoria is as bright as it's possible.

Now, we've sort of been on holiday with them and with Lee.

You know, we've all gone off together.

And we made the mistake of playing Banana Grams.

You familiar with that game?

It's a great game, right?

Game.

And a high-speed scrabble for a busy young guy.

And you don't want to play Victoria, Corin Mitchell, and Banana grams.

I mean, my wife went to Cambridge and she beat her.

I couldn't believe it.

I thought my wife was unbeatable.

I was like Mickey leading Rocky into the ring.

Come on, show her what you can do.

And then she was, you know, Victoria was Ivan Drago, you know, being led in by David.

And yeah, no, but Victoria wiped the floor with us to the point that all the joy left the game.

Yeah.

Did you look at your wife a little differently after that?

Yes.

Yes.

We always start with still or sparkling water on the podcast.

Do you have a preference?

Yes, I do of sparkling.

Always sparkling and it's typically San Pellegrino.

I do have choices with these because I find badois a bit too is there too much sodium?

What is it?

There's something

salty, yeah.

Now once in a blue moon, that'll be nice for a change.

But generally speaking, San Pellegrino in a glass bottle.

Yeah.

The only complaint there, the bottles aren't very big.

We get crates of them delivered to home and we get through, and we get through about two of those a day.

Wow.

Crates.

No, don't be silly.

Don't bring your absurdist humour into this conversation.

Doing his hipster jokes again.

He sees a chink, he gets in there, doesn't he?

Just offered a sideways glance at the situation.

No, no, bottles, two bottles.

Bottles.

Two bottles.

So are you drinking sparkly water instead of still water

regularly at home?

To quench your thirst?

Yeah,

not always, but often it will be.

Certainly with a meal, it's sparkling.

And even at other times in the day.

And then I fluctuate between room temperature or chill.

Generally, it tends to be chilled because that has more impact, doesn't it?

It distracts you from the stresses and strains of life because it's like getting into a bath.

For about 10 seconds, you forget everything.

And then you're sat there.

You're a sitting duck, aren't you?

For all the thoughts to come back.

Is that not how you view a bath?

The thoughts come back.

Yeah, yeah, I guess so.

I guess the thoughts will come back pretty quick.

The thoughts hit me in the bath.

That's when they're hitting me.

Well, that's what I'm saying.

But there's not, there's no

outside of the bath, nothing's going on.

Nothing.

When I get in the bath, I'm like, oh, God.

If you're feeling the weight of the world, you think I'm going to have a nice bath.

Well, we've got a dreadful bath.

We bought what you, if you looked at it, you say, you've got a good bath because it's fancy and it looks like a cattle trough, right?

But for a little chap like me, I can get no purchase.

So

I can't get a position.

because if I try to sit up, I slide all the way under.

My legs, my feet won't reach the other end unless I'm really, unless I'm almost perpendicular or parallel to the bottom, you know.

So

it looks great.

And I find that you get in and the initial thing of the heat of the water, oh, lovely, lovely sensory all over.

But then, well, hang on, what am I doing now?

I'm in the bath.

Oh, go on.

Yeah.

Are you more of a shower?

Are you more of a shower?

Yeah, I like the shower.

Yeah.

I had one today.

Welcome.

Second the shower?

Yes.

Well, I often warm up my voice in the shower because I've been touring with a band, lovely opportunity for a plug, Rob Bryden.live.

And for that, you have to keep your voice good.

So yeah, I tend to do that when I'm in the bathroom.

What's your vocal warm-up?

It's set for me by my musical director.

It's a series of vibrations and hums and then vowels and then all sorts of different things, you know.

So no songs.

No, not a song as such.

I'll sing along with stuff then that I listen to.

but no, it's not really songs.

It's more

things like that.

Weird sort of sounds.

And

I know you're right to look quizzical,

but it really works.

Yeah, I was hoping to hear even more of them.

Or do more if you want.

I'm doing loads of noises.

You do things like

and then

I remember when I first...

it's my favorite so far, by the way.

When I did Human Remains,

we were about to start filming Human Remains, and it was made by Coogan's, Steve Coogan's company.

This was a big thrill.

So, Julia Davis and I.

And we filmed it in Brighton and around there.

So we were there.

I remember this so clearly.

And this is 22 years ago.

And we met up with Steve in a hotel the night before.

And he was telling us about the importance of warming up your voice, right?

And he always remember me,

because

when I'm on tour, after one,

but it just sounded like Alan, you know, and it's very hard to take seriously.

And he was sitting there in all earnestness, you know, and

it's very hard of me to think of a vocal warm-up.

It's odd what things stay with you, isn't it?

But that has stayed with me.

He was right, of course.

You do have to look after it.

Sure, absolutely.

Pop it up so bread.

Pop it up or bread, Rob Bryden.

Pop a dumbs or bread.

Okay, well, it's a reasonable question.

And

a lot of my answers are going to be a bit centerist.

They're going to be a bit Tony Blair, I'm afraid.

Putting, you know, you know what, to one side.

I'm going to say a bit of both.

I like a pop-a-dom.

Now, I have an issue with bread.

As a young man, I had Olympic-level acne on my face.

Not my back.

Some people have it on their back.

I would have loved to have had it on my back.

Acne, I believe, is the...

Bacne.

Why have I never heard that?

Anyway, hug on my face.

So I ended up on loads of antibiotics.

In those days, they gave you tons.

Now they're very wary of them, aren't they?

And as a result, I think it affected my gut.

So I find it hard to process, properly digest yeasty things.

So that's fungal things like mushrooms and breads so I and it then it affects my skin la di da so I can eat sourdough bread so that's what we have at home so I would if if I were in a restaurant and it's a dream restaurant so you're not thinking about consequences I'd have some of the best sourdough bread and I would have salted butter with it

and that would be just delicious every time there's butter in a restaurant I think of you Wow.

Do you?

Yeah.

Why?

Don't dip your head in the bloody butter or the bloody.

So there's a bit

in the trip.

You're showing Steve

your hair.

Oh, my.

And you

dip your face forward to show him the top of your head.

And he goes, Don't dip your head in the bloody butter.

I have no memory of that.

It's great.

Is that the first one?

I think it's the first.

I think it might be the first episode.

Was it?

But yeah.

And so every time there's butter, I think of you singing your head in the butter.

I've forgotten that entirely.

Wow.

Every time I see a sandwich wrapped in cling film, I think of you, Rob.

Why?

Because there's an episode of Human Remains

where you're selling sandwiches

and they're all wrapped in clingfilm.

And I think one of them is a lamb sandwich.

That always makes me laugh when I think about it as well.

Yeah.

So there you go.

That's a great.

I mean,

see, Human Remains, no one remembers it.

And it's one of the best things I've done.

You could argue it's the best thing I've ever done.

And it is awfully good.

I mean, I would wave the flag for that any day.

And yeah,

that was Les and Ray more than that.

More than that.

He saw tall like that.

Yeah, yeah.

And that was a

situation being, you know,

can't shift them, we got lame, can't shift it, you know, and she with Julia was this utterly depressed woman, utterly depressed.

And he would say to her, all right, teacup, happy, happy, and she goes, no.

I mean, I see it more than happy, yeah?

And he would sing songs, he'd make up songs.

I've got a cuppy in my bucket.

You remember that?

Yeah, I was upset.

I was obsessed.

Sweet Lord.

Well, this is a lovely little ego massage for me, isn't it?

When I was at university, I had the DVD of it.

And during Freshers Week, I decided that I'd try and get everyone in my halls of residence to watch it.

But nobody enjoyed it, they were all shit face.

I was like, Everyone, be quiet, you've got to listen to it.

So, that's better than they sat down and watched it and just went, Nah.

Oh, well, yeah, that was, yeah, I've got a guppy in my bucket, and he isn't looking well, a gappy in my bucket, and he isn't looking well, a gappy in my bucket, and he isn't looking well.

So,

you know, and then he would do his nasal, uh, his nasal music.

Do you remember that?

Where you go

like you in the tower,

Like a military band.

Yeah.

The other one, I mean, at the risk of just listing lines that I really like from it, the other, the other song is that I do sing out loud to myself quite a lot is sweeter than sugar, sweeter than wine.

You may be the only person in the world who remembers that song.

I don't remember that one.

I remember.

Well, he took her on a, given that I ended up doing cruise adverts, it was quite funny that in that episode, they want to go on a cruise, but he can't afford a cruise.

He takes her on a ferry and he says, oh, I mean, it's not a cruise, a ferry.

But what is a ferry?

just a very fast cruise isn't it really

oh that was funny and do you remember the bit where they're rehearsing selling they're practicing selling some flowers yeah and he's shouting up how much are they how much for daffs

And there's one that, oh, they're trying to do the accounts for their house.

They're a pass float,

they put a fiver in the box.

Yes.

And there's a bit where Julia says blank ham, where she says,

we improvised this and this is very much my attitude this is how I am with maths is he's trying to do the the the accounts and he's going right we've got 70 70 plus four

is 74 we know that

which I love and she's in the distance and she's going what do you want Les what do you want Les

okay

carry the one carry the one really basic math and she says well you want some ham and he goes yeah right she goes right blank ham blank ham I mean what what even is that, as they say?

Oh, I love that you like that show.

Oh, it's fantastic.

Well, before we move on, do you want to know another situation where I always think of you and you can guess what you're doing?

I'm staggered by this.

You can guess what the...

Yeah, see if I can associate it.

Anytime I'm...

I don't want to be too specific, but every time I'm at...

It's at an airport.

Yeah.

If I'm at an airport.

If I've arrived a bit too early at an airport.

Yes.

That's it.

Good lord.

Something to do with me.

Yes.

And my work.

Yes.

Airport.

I've no idea.

Marion and Jeff, when you arrive too early, to pick someone up.

Oh, there was.

Yes.

There was an episode where he's waiting at the airport.

Yeah, he's waiting too long.

I have a look.

I look around WH Smith.

Does he say that?

Yeah, and it's that specific line.

Because you go, I look around WH Smith.

He says I could probably be in there 45 minutes before they move me on.

Yeah, that is the line I always think about.

So before we move on to starter,

do you want poppadoms and bread?

Is this all the bad?

No, not really.

I like poppadoms, but for the meal that I'm about to tell you about, a pop-a-dom would seem wildly inappropriate.

So we're going with this lovely sourdough bread with the salted butter.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nice.

But not too much of it.

See, it's all about balance.

Life is all about balance.

And the right meal is.

You know, you don't want too much of that bread.

Very tempting just to have the bread.

So just enough to make a dent dent and then move on.

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starter then, the dream starter.

I'm gonna go Oysters.

Yeah, I came to Oysters late, relatively late in life.

It was my first trip to Australia in about 2004.

I went over to make a sitcom called Supernova.

It's a light-hearted, amiable, fish-out-of-water story.

Are you the fish?

No, I'm yes, indeed, I am.

Yes, so you threw me then.

Yes, I am the fish.

I am the fish.

I'm an astronomer and I go and work in the outback with some oddball Aussies and I had such a great time.

And we went there and the early days of me and my wife, Claire, who you met James, the other day.

The best.

I'm a little nervous to introduce her to Ed because he's a lovely looking boy.

I felt comfortable.

I felt comfortable with you being there.

Ed's got the look of a young Elvis Elvis meets Tom Cruise.

Yeah, I see a wife.

What have I got the look of?

You've got the look of one of those guys that used to help Elvis.

Oh, I cannot believe this.

I cannot believe this.

Or one of the guys that Elvis used to meet when he went to visit a charity place.

I'm Joshing with you, James.

Liked me.

Because she was thrilled to meet you.

Remember my daughter, my eldest?

She's a huge fan of yours.

I met her and her mates.

You did, yeah.

Yeah, and then they came to see you live.

And it was, you know, I phoned James's people, said I'd love to come and see James making out like it was going to be me yeah good and then gave him to my daughter

straight off three tick cigars can't wait to be glad in the audience

couldn't ask for them back could he's just not the done for me were you looking for him in the audience yeah I was looking around they could see my eyes searching yeah

where is he where's he gone listening out where's that laugh yeah I had that in Edinburgh once where Dara O'Brien said he was coming coming to my show yeah and I thought oh he's coming tonight and so I went out there like ready to see Dara, like looking around.

And I looked down and Dara wasn't in the audience.

I looked down and John Leslie was in the front row.

So that really threw me.

Yeah, I don't know.

No, I don't think Dara got a ticket for John Leslie.

He just happened to have been there on that night.

Yeah, so Claire, so we went to Australia's first time.

And I, growing up, had a very limited palate.

I grew up in South Wales, Bagland, Portal, but we were very, you know, not unusually so.

It wasn't like it is now, you know, you ate very basic food.

And I was not curious at all.

So it'd be all the normal foods.

I don't think I'd had pasta.

I hadn't had spaghetti when I went to drama school.

All sorts of things I hadn't had.

So we go out and certainly never seafood.

So we're out there in Australia.

We're at this outdoor restaurant of the Rocks area down by the bridge, Sydney Harbour Bridge.

And have you ever been to Australia, you guys?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, well, it's gorgeous.

It's just so vibrant.

It's just brilliant.

And Claire says, let's have the seafood plat.

I thought, are you mad?

What are you talking about?

That's going going to have all sorts.

So out it comes.

And it's got oysters, lobster, shrimp, crab, all these things.

And I find I love it.

And I'm loving these oysters.

So we phone home.

We phone whales.

The time difference means they will probably be away.

My mum and dad.

And I say, I'm sitting by Sydney Harbour Bridge and I've just had crab and this and that.

My mother's, oh,

you'll pay for that.

She said, your father had crab in 1973.

He was sick for a week.

So that began my love of seafood.

So I would say I love oysters.

They always make me feel like something special because you tend to have them with champagne.

And if you, and I'm sure you would, because it's a podcast, you wanted me to expand on oysters, I have three.

Let me look at my no, yes, three oyster-related stories.

Each of them involving a famous person.

Oh, this is a good one.

Now, for a food podcast, I mean, this is manna from heaven.

This is falling into our laps here.

Okay, so Tom Jones, James Corden, Dale Winton.

You choose the order.

Who are we starting with?

I personally would like to go...

I'm asking you for your starter market.

Hang on, should we say?

I think you will choose the same.

Same time, right.

Okay, so it's going from first to last.

Ready?

One, two, three.

Corden, Jones, Winton.

You were, you were together.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Good lord.

So, James, okay.

The second time, I went back to do a second series of this show in Australia and Sydney, and it was the same time that James was touring the world with the History Boys, the National Theatre, and the same time that he and Ruth were getting Gavin and Stacey together.

And they'd given me the script and asked me to play Uncle Bryn.

And I was reticent because I thought he's quite similar to Keith Barrett in that he's a naive, well-meaning Welshman.

And I still harbored ambitions to be Robert De Niro at that stage.

And I thought, well, I can't just keep on doing this thing.

Hey, turns out you can.

So I was undecided.

So we meet up one day, he and I, at the beach at Manly, and we chatty, chat, chat.

But the oyster thing was I took him out for lunch.

There's a lovely restaurant in Rose Bay called Catalina.

And from there, you see

the seaplanes landing and taking off.

It's so gorgeous.

And I take him there, and I'm really on my oyster kick by now.

I'm Mr.

Oyster.

And I say to James, we've got to have oysters.

Because James, while now is who he is, he was this very provincial kid from High Wickham you know oh you know like that you know what I said you want some oysters oh I've never had an oyster and I said well it'd be good oh I don't know Bobby I'm he calls me Bobby I'm not sure I said well come away with some oysters so he would he would only have it you know you can get those deep-fried oysters you know the ones so he would settle for that and well okay it's something oh no no no no he tried he tried a normal one so he has it right it's all there ready to go put some vinaigrette on it right and he sits there right the man who would conquer the world but this is before that.

And he sits there and he looks nervous and he goes and he tips it up, put it into his mouth, but he keeps it in his mouth, right?

And then you look at his face.

And of course, he's a wonderful actor, but this was all real, but he's showing you everything.

So he's sat in there and he looks terrified, right?

Terrified.

And he's like this.

But then he starts to get a sense of the flavours.

Oh, this is quite nice.

So then he goes, hmm.

Oh, and his face is changing.

And he starts to sort of chew a little.

And he's about to swallow when the weather changes in his mind.

Oh no, he doesn't like this

and the fear comes back and he goes

and he spits it out into a napkin.

Oh no.

At that point did you look at that and think this guy's going to conquer the world.

I thought this provincial bozo is going nowhere.

This small town Sam, he ain't going to amount to nothing.

So Tom Jones.

Tom Jones, please.

When we did Islands in the Stream, number one, thank you very much.

For Comic Relief.

Yes, it's a novelty record, but I don't like to think of it that way.

We went for a dinner.

Me, Claire, James, Ruth, Tom,

who's his one.

One's in this one.

He makes a cameo, innit?

Yeah, he was there, yeah.

So we go for dinner at the sort of chef's table at Corrigan's restaurant, which is in Mayfair.

And if you ever spend time around Tom Jones, he is the ultimate alpha male.

And they order what you want want for studies I love oysters right and we think well how many well I wouldn't I would never have more than six oysters I love a dozen

good god a dozen oysters I mean good that's a lot of oysters right so potentially

and I'll never forget you know you know you get the section of lemon in muslin muslin so he gets it and it was just the way he squeezed the lemon over the 12 oysters was one of the most manly things

You know, what's that flight of the Concords line?

I'm so proven all the women in the front row got pregnant.

I mean, it's like that.

I would have recommended pregnancy tests for those because it was so, as he did it, I was watching him and I kind of went, oh,

it was just, you know, because he's from another era.

I mean, he's super successful.

Not in this era, but you know what I mean?

He comes from another time, doesn't he?

I know it was amazing.

So that's my second.

So when he revealed the lemon after he'd squeezed it, did it look like it was going through a juice left?

There's nothing left.

That lemon was done.

When Tom Jones is shucking the oysters, is he like doing some of his trademark noises in between the oysters?

It's a lovely thought, isn't it?

You know what it is.

Would you like me to imagine what that would sound like?

Yeah, yeah.

Well, I'm going to,

I'm going to eat the oyster, you know, with my mouth.

And you go,

exactly.

Yeah,

right.

Tastes, it tastes good.

As if good is an exotic word.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So that was.

Shucking doesn't mean just eating, by the way.

Shucking is the opening, okay?

Yeah, yeah, shuck, shucking is open.

They were already shucked.

They were shucked.

Although he could shuck them himself with his bare hands.

He'd probably do it with his teeth.

Wow.

Yeah.

So that was him.

And then the Dale one, lovely Dale Winton, no longer with us.

There was a New Year's Eve some years ago, and we had Dale, who I got to know a little bit, I ended up doing a few things with him, and David Williams came, because they were big friends, came for New Year's Eve dinner at the house and the wonderful house care.

They brought presents for the boys and everything, they're all charming and everything.

And we had oysters and we prepared the oysters and Dale went, oh, oh no, I've never had an oyster.

He never had.

We've all had oysters in this room.

But yeah, he'd never had an oyster.

You sort of assume that once somebody is enjoying the fruits of their labors, that they're going to broaden there and they're going to they'll have been in a situation where you know as i say i didn't until i was 35 36 37.

anyway never on so i gave dale his first oyster

and he liked it i suppose he spent a lot of time in that supermarket i'm not sure they had oysters in there did they

never made that that was funny i've never made that connection yeah supermarket so there we are those are my three and in in many ways they're in in descending order of entertainment aren't they as we've discovered i like the chump jones one was my favourite i think i thought the Dale Winter one was heartwarming.

Yeah, you get Dale Winter,

his first oyster.

That's nice.

Do you like a big oyster or you get big oyster sometimes?

Do you know what?

Little sweeter ones.

I'm a little embarrassed to say, I don't know.

There is one I like, but I don't, I couldn't tell you what it was.

I always have to ask advice.

I always say, well, which is the one that tastes.

I like it if they taste of the sea.

I want them to taste of the sea.

I like the creamy ones.

Yeah, creamies are good.

Oh, good thing to say to people if they're nice and creamy.

No, no, not have cream in them.

But I'm not an idiot.

I don't think you're putting pouring in.

Rob, we don't understand.

They don't have cream in there.

Well, we're not pouring cream in the corner.

Thanks for clearing that up for me, James, because for a minute there, I thought you were having oysters with cream.

I wish I was as sophisticated as you and I'd know these things.

What are you putting on?

Are you using the vinaigrette and the shallot?

I love all that.

No, it tends to be.

I don't think, do you know what?

I don't think I've ever tried Tabasco.

I've sort of, I've found that I'm happy with the vinaigrette and shallot, and I've got, no, I'm not going to try anything else, which is silly.

Tom Jones could just crush a whole bottle of Tabasco.

He'd open his hand and the glass wouldn't even be there anymore.

Here'd be gone.

Here we go.

Do you want six on your dream?

On your dream?

Six.

You don't want to go the full Jones?

No, I don't.

I'm not man enough.

It's as simple as that.

Your main course.

All right, now this was difficult.

This was difficult.

I've gone for something you might say, well, this is a little dull,

but

this dish has to be done as well as it can be done.

So this is somebody doing it who can do it just right.

And I'm afraid it's a lovely Sunday roast lamb lunch.

Don't be afraid of that.

Well, I know, but it's a little...

So it would be Welsh lamb.

You know, there'd be lovely gravy.

Now, Welsh gravy tends to be thicker than English gravy.

And I'd like somewhere in between.

Happy medium.

I'm a centrist, as I said.

I'd want parsnips but they've got to be done just right yeah i'd want carrot and swede mash that's lovely yeah have you ever had that yeah that that was i think i don't appreciate that enough because when i was a kid mum would do that but we wouldn't have mashed potato and i think as a kid i was very ungrateful and would want mashed potato because like that seemed to be like what the other kids have

but actually can be sweetest if it's done right because you want you want a bit of structure to it yeah i don't want it to be too fluffy i like a bit of plenty of black pepper as well.

I'm not a big black pepper guy.

Black pepper and sweet.

Well, I'll try that.

Okay, I'll try that next time.

I'd have roast potatoes.

I'd have Yorkshire pudding.

Yeah, he hates Yorkshire pudding too.

He keeps saying that on the podcast.

It's just mad, isn't it?

Isn't it crazy?

They take up a lot of real estate on the plate, and that could be filled with sort of extra meats, etc.

That's interesting.

He's not such a freak now, is he?

The minute Claire heard that, she'd look past you.

She'd look at the more interesting fellows out next to you.

I wonder what his story is.

Interesting about loving Yorkshire puddings.

Yorkshire's are lovely.

They've got

such an individual taste.

And also the structure of them, the way they yield after a gentle prod.

If that's not too suggestive of a way.

They do, though, don't they?

They look as though they're bit, but they're a house of cards, really,

and they collapse under questioning.

As soon as they touch gravy, they're gone, right?

But

I do love them that's what i'd have but i have to stress not just me making it it's got to be done by someone who knows what they're doing and it's just right and also that it gets to you while it's still piping hot that's one of the big problems with a sunday lunch the timing element so so often you find yourself biting your tongue for the sake of the host and you want to go well it's kind of these are almost cold they're they're very out of fashion now those hostess trolley but you can see why people had them you can see why they came in yeah yeah i've got a couple of questions rob yes please what cut of lamb oh sweet lord i i i don't know again you see i isn't that isn't that embarrassing i'm gonna say leg leg yeah leg classic yeah yeah yeah i think i think i'm a shoulder guy i'm a shoulder guy I love a leg, sure.

Yeah.

The shoulders just turn it down for a little bit.

But you know what?

And I don't want to bring everyone down.

Even as we say this, I've dabbled with the thought of vegetarianism or veganism.

I'm not comfortable with the thought of eating these creatures and yet, you hypocrite, you do it.

I'm not saying you have me.

Yeah, yeah, sure, I'm sure, yeah.

Okay.

I'll love it if you want to say

you're not doing that.

I'm not comfortable with it, and yet you, you hypocrite, you do it.

Well, I'm, um, I remember actually, when we were doing the first trip, we pulled over at the side of a field to do something, and there were lambs, and they came up, and I remember then thinking, Rob, what are you doing?

Because you don't have to give it a lot of thought before it just doesn't add up.

Sure.

Yeah, sure.

So we're all in denial.

We're all pretending.

No, that's not related to that thing in the field.

You know, and we watched that Netflix thing about veganism and we were vegan for about a week.

Yeah, I just want to put that out there that

I am ever so slightly...

So for you, in our conversation we just had, the bit that tipped you over into feeling uncomfortable there was thinking about leg or shoulder.

And then you feel like, oh, I'm not.

yeah because they don't even change the names

exactly why can't they call it the the barong yeah the le clas of the of the lamb and then you don't decide well you it was you saying leg yeah that did make me picture a beautiful little lamb gambling yeah yeah responsibly in a in or has you done that joke well no but gambling

oh it's too much somewhere

i was happy paying tribute to ray winston and then suddenly we get a surname i mean god yeah so

i don't know but leg leg yeah i I mean, look, call me a hypocrite because clearly I am.

Also, you said it has to be cooked by someone who knows what they're doing.

Yeah.

If you could choose anyone who's ever cooked you a roast and they're cooking your dream roast, who's it going to be?

Who's got the goods?

Well, outside of professional chefs, my wife is a fantastic cook and she can bake and she's wonderful.

All sorts of things, right?

But to give her a break, because I've occasionally thought, right, come on, Nick Frost is a friend of mine, and Nick is a hell of a cook, right?

And what a guy.

And look at Stanley Tucci, you know, the wonderful.

I'd like to be like that.

I never used to want to, but I would like, I think it's a very,

yeah, you're capable, you know?

And I will, you know, over lockdown, I would dabble, I would start to maybe try and cook things, but I never stick with it.

So in a fantasy world, it would be me doing it.

That's never going to happen.

We've never had anyone use the dream restaurant before to imbue them with skills they don't currently have.

Oh, I would love that.

You would like me to give you the skills of the greatest chef in the world and you can cook everything.

Wow.

It's very therapeutic, I think.

We go back to the bath now, you see.

It's very relaxing if everything's on course.

I went to one of Tom Kerridge's places the other day and

all those guys are amazing.

Angela Hartnett, been to her place a few times.

She does great stuff.

Maybe I get Angela in because she's a laugh and that would be nice.

I'd like to know who's in the roast club because we've had a few people pick roasts.

Yes, of course.

On the podcast.

Richard Osmond picked Christmas dinner.

Picked Christmas dinner with just tea.

Yeah.

I'm also interested about this gravy.

This well, I didn't know there was a difference between Welsh.

Well I would say, and I'm no expert, but I traditionally, yes, and my first encounter with an English gravy, it's a far more watery in its consistency than a Welsh gravy.

So is Welsh gravy too thick for you?

Because you want an in-between, right?

Well, no, I was just trying to appeal to everyone.

You don't need to appeal.

to your soul.

Well, you've got used to your meal.

No, no, no.

Okay, but then I've also, I have become, as Rex Harrison once said, I've grown accustomed to the English gravy, so I don't need to go back quite so far to the full thickness of the Welsh booth.

The sort of toll booth.

Sevenbridge.

Toll booth.

Sevenbridge.

Yeah, I've gone back to a kind of a midpoint.

Yes.

Because, you know, a very light English one can be nice.

Sure.

But given it's the dream restaurant, I'm aiming high.

I've got quite a fondness for just quite cheap you know bisto bisto gravy

but you know why that is don't you no it's because you're not very sophisticated

takes a sip of his water as soon as he says it look at him yeah you're just sitting there like he's just that fact dealt with took care of him done move on

don't get james james you're a funny guy don't get me wrong but

you've got a lot of you've got a life to live why is puccino getting involved in this

what with puccino

Look at you with your diet cola.

Oh, what that's doing to you.

See, I'm two months off that now.

You're two months off the diet code.

Yeah.

How's it feel?

Good.

Yeah.

Good.

How many were you sinking a day?

Well, not that many.

See, we've got this little fridge in our living room that has those little mixer cans.

Yeah.

So that's

the cheat, isn't it?

Because you feel, well, this is nothing, but you have several of them.

So, no, I mean, listen, the most I'd ever have is two of those proper cans in a day.

I love your drink setup at home.

I'm envisioning it now.

You've got crates of sparkling water

and a fridge with mini kids.

It's like you live in a corner shop.

Isn't it brilliant?

We've got one of those open freezers with calippos in.

Philippe is writing down a lot of people here

who have ordered the roast.

I'm going to read them out to you in a minute and see.

I'll be interested to see which company I'm keeping.

Yeah.

I think Lamb is my

top Sunday roast.

So these are all the people who chose roasts.

Yeah.

So Jade Addams, Sarah Millikan, May Martin, Josie Long, Richard Osman, Sarah Pascoe, Rochine Connerty, Amy Hoggart and Claudia Winkleman.

Very interesting.

I tell you I met the other night Michelle Visage.

She came from the drag race.

She came on with I Light to the other night and turns out she's a Virgo and I'm a Taurus.

And I said, well, that's why we're getting on.

And I said, because

I'm not a big believer in all this, but it's worth commenting on.

So many of my dear, dear friends are Virgoans.

I would wonder if, were you to analyze the star signs of those people.

Sure.

I mean,

again, and I would, I would add to that, I think it's all Tosh.

Well,

Benito?

Can you find out when all those people were born and what their star signs are?

Why don't you know their star signs?

May Martin is the only one who chose lamb for the roast.

Yeah, but the other thing you have to bear in mind, and I hope the listener will bear in mind, is

the unbearable pressure of coming on something like this because you think oh I don't know I mean I could have chosen of course all sorts of meals yes but when I was thinking about it this was the one

I mean one of my greatest meals I ever had was again in Sydney there's a great restaurant called Icebergs that looks down on Bondi and I was on my own it was one of the last days I was going to be there I think and I went there on my own and I had a rib salt crust rib eye steak

And I think I potatoed aufinoir with that.

Now that, even as I'm saying it, is making me think, why have you said a roast lunch?

Change it if you want.

No, because I talked about this with Claire.

And if I change it now, she'll be furious.

Claire will be furious, wouldn't you?

Yeah.

What was the conversation with Claire that led to that?

So what am I going to say to Ed and James?

When was the meal going to be?

She said, oh, well, you can't say rib eye steak again.

Because, you know,

I have been asked.

You know what it's like.

We all get asked the same questions all the time, right?

So, so, I mean, never as beautifully as they're being asked here, don't get me wrong.

But

she said, you can't, oh, come on, think of it.

She said, well, you like a roast?

Like, talk to an elderly relative.

You like a roast, don't you?

Oh, I do like a roast, yes.

Shall I say roast?

Oh, like mum used to make

Leeds Grammar.

Some of the boys would have a roast every Sunday.

There's a great line he once said, his father was a butcher.

And he said, there was a period when I was growing up when mom and dad decided they wanted to move up in society and they began to go to cocktail parties

where the height of sophistication was a sausage hoisted aloft on a stick and he said he said the sausage itself held no fear for dad being a butcher he took it in his stride

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Dream side dish.

Salt crust ribeye steak.

There's your chip.

There's your loophole.

Could I have a very small salt crust ribeye as a side dish?

Yeah, yeah, for sure.

Because I think I could eat it with this.

Yeah, definitely.

It's just double meat, really, isn't it?

Yeah, if that's what I want to do, that's what I'll do.

Or you could have a little ramekin of dauphinois.

Oh.

When they're done well.

Yeah.

Just the best, aren't they?

Just the best.

Yeah, and I'm going to say that as a side dish.

But if I were being sensible,

I like a nice cabbage, a Savoy cabbage or a nice cabbage done properly.

Yeah.

You know,

I might have that.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So is that what you're going for, the Savoy cabbage?

Everything is so binary here.

Oh, make your decision wrong.

Is that what you like in a normal restaurant?

They go, what do you want?

You go, oh, God, why do you have to be so binary?

You can have the cabbage and the dofu bottle that you have both of those.

Yes.

Okay.

Forget the ribeye, right?

That's for another time.

Yeah, I'm having the cabbage and the doaufin was.

That's what I'm having.

Okay, all right.

Okay.

Have you ever, because you've got two stories about Australia and how much you like the food there?

Did you ever try and steer, you know, a series of the trip towards Australia?

Were you ever throwing that into the suggestion?

Well, the thing that comes back whenever we recommend somewhere way, way away is the logistic.

I mean, dull answer, but the logistics of the

distances.

You know, it's when you talk about would we we ever do America well you know you maybe you'd do California or something or you do I don't know wherever but it's always Michael Winterbottom who creates the show it's it's his decision Steve and I just rock up really

also it's like it's pretty much the dream job right so to then go can we go to Australia feels like you're really pushing your luck yeah it is it is a very dream job and and even more so as time goes by because it's I think three years since we did the last one maybe four in actually filming it and we think back to it it, especially given everything that's happened and the restrictions on travel.

And so me and Steve just rolling around and, you know, having a nice time and getting to work with him and watch him work and collaborate is lovely.

Small crew, so it's so tight.

Everything done in chronological order.

That adds to the appeal of it.

So

the trip more or less with the odd pickup, but you know, you start where it starts, you finish where it finishes.

Yeah.

How many people were talking?

Not many um let me think no less than ten so are they eating at the same places as you guys no no they're in less expensive hotels

you think we're all living high off the hog what

do you think are they swooping in for leftovers if is that how it works in your world

lives high off the hog yeah no no no no no but maybe a small crew you're traveling around greece

here's what i'm going to say to you welcome to the real world

Oh, but wouldn't it be nice if everybody could live together happily?

Yeah, it would, wouldn't it?

Hover boots would be good as well, wouldn't they?

No sign of them.

No, sometimes, let me think.

No, generally, no.

Steve and I would sometimes stay in the hotel that we were appearing to stay at in the show, but often not.

We would often be somewhere else.

On the trip to Greece, we seemed to have, I remember we stayed at this great hotel.

I loved it, right?

He didn't like it.

I won't name it, but it was in Athens, right?

And he had a view of either the Parthenon or one of those wonderful places.

There was a terrace on the roof, big terrace, where you'd have your breakfast.

You'd come up to there's a bar in the evening.

And one of my favorite things in the food world is the breakfast, if I'm somewhere and it's white tablecloths and linen.

and coffee and a lovely croissant.

I don't need loaves and maybe then some scrambled eggs and some smoked salmon and bit of tomato.

So we stayed at this place and he described it as full of kind of aged Republicans from America with box fresh Chinos.

He doesn't like box fresh anything, right?

And he would see these guys and he didn't like it.

He didn't like it at all.

He had the glee with which you're recounting something he didn't like.

Well, he's very opinionated.

He has opinion on everything.

And I used to love it.

And we were only there for three or four.

And we had to go back to do a reshoot and he wouldn't stay in this.

We all ended up staying in some other blooming hotel then.

And I loved this one because you'd come in and they go, yeah, very good good morning oh you come you come here you sit down and they're really quick with the service they get you the coffee quick and you're looking around everything is pristine and I was sat with a pool we had an afternoon off and I was sat there was like a tiny pool on the roof and I was sat there on a on a sun lounger and this American guy was sat next to me and he starts talking to me about stuff

oh yeah and he started telling me this bizarre story about either how he'd bought a racehorse or something.

I was in Kentucky and a guy comes up to me, says,

I'm nothing about, what do I know about racehorses?

Anyway, I end up three weeks later, my wife and I were at the stables.

We got a piece of the horse.

And he's telling all this story, right?

And I think he said to me, well, what are you doing here?

I said, oh, we're making a, say, film, because it's a film around the world.

We're making this film.

Oh, right.

Oh, yeah.

So the next morning, I then go and I sit in this restaurant a bit looking at the Parthenon.

Oh, it's all lovely.

Isn't it marvellous?

The sun.

And I end up, I'm sat next to him and his wife.

Ah, it's the guy I was telling you about yesterday oh really

he said you're an actor

and I said yeah yeah I am oh it must be so hard

meaning it must be hard to get work because they've never heard of you they just assume you're on the poverty line and then she said well now you give me your name so I can look you up so I had to spell my name for her which is very demeaning very and I like to think that eventually she'd have gone oh he's doing okay

you know but it's that thing where you just have to go well, you know, it's, yes, it's a difficult job, you know, do what he can.

But also, you were in Greece making a film, so she must have realized that what's going on.

Yeah, this is what I'd think.

But you often get taxi drivers who drop you off at home and say, oh, I couldn't do what you do, mate.

Or best of luck, mate.

Good luck.

And you go, what, have you heard something?

I mean, what do you mean?

You heard about the jelly.

Yeah, what do you mean, good luck?

Yeah, I always find that's a curious thing.

I mean, it's meant well, don't get me wrong, but it's slightly unsettling

from my side.

I go, what do you mean, good luck?

Things are going okay, aren't they?

Where's the best place?

And I'm sure you've been asked this a lot, but all the places you went on the trip.

The Amalfi Coast.

There we go.

Yeah.

Specifically on Capri, the Isle of Capri.

Not Capri, Capri.

I mean, I could fill this whole podcast just.

telling you some of Steve's reactions to things.

When you arrive on Capri, they have these taxis, and what they've done, they're normal cars, I know fiats or something and they've they've axle grinded off the tops and that so from from the top of the door upwards is now gone and in their place is like a parasol or a or a or a shade right and they just drive very slowly around the island so we get into one of those to be driven up to this fancy hotel at the top of the island and Steve goes we're going to look at these cars he goes

they've compromised the structural integrity

I've always remembered that so so there was a a restaurant there.

It's in the last episode of the trip to Italy.

And that's called Il Riccio.

And it's twinned with the Capri Palace Hotel.

And the day we were filming there,

it was perfection.

It was a beautiful day.

And you're on a terrace that is atop a cliff.

And they have a room of temptation, which is a chilled room full of desserts you just walk into.

While we were filming, and the cameras were rolling, there were real people sat in other bits of the restaurant Gerard or Gerald Butler Gerard Butler Gerard Butler I'm not pretending that I don't remember his name like some some sick power play I genuinely wasn't sure it was just a man called Gerald Butler this is not a good story

yeah he's from

Ketchering

so Gerard Butler was there and he just walks into shot I don't know if he hadn't seen it he went and he went hi hi he knew Steve hey how you doing hey and he said to me hi Jerry Butler I go home

And he just started talking to us.

Middle of the week, we're filming.

And we said, so he was, what are you doing?

I'm just, I'm just going up and down the coast.

And he was doing this amazing thing.

He was on some yacht or something.

Wow.

You know.

And so that's the one that, I mean, there were many, many great restaurants.

But that's the one that always springs to mind.

Because and also my wife would come out for that weekend.

Oh, yeah.

So she was there.

Staying in the cheap hotel with the crew.

Yeah, but she, you know, she liked it.

She liked it.

There was an all-you-can-eat buffet.

and she said that you know you could go back and the crew and thing that's a scam going where they'd take

no no she she she uh she stayed with me in the suite very awkward because of course you know you were having an affair on the trip to Italy

the funny thing about that is I've had this a few times where even in those adverts I did you know where I have a pretend wife I must be thick as hell because it never occurred to me when I said oh yeah I'm gonna do these adverts how much money I'll do them it never occurred to me that people would think it was my wife.

Because to me, it was, well, I'm playing a bloke.

And pathetically, as it went on, we actually gave the character a name to trying to shut the stable door after the horse had bolted.

Because me, in my stupidity, I said, people keep saying this.

And of course, they would.

I can see that now.

The next ones, you're going to have to have your character reading something with Rob Bryden in the paper.

And he's going to have to go, I like that Rob Bryden.

Well, there were ideas that they were going to say, I think we called him Hugh or something, Hugh Jenkins or something, and we were going to think, oh, Mr.

Jenkins, welcome, but it never actually happened.

And the same with the trip, because in the trip to Italy, we spend the night with the girl on the island, which I loved because I never get to play that kind of thing.

When we're doing the bit, there's a bit on the beach.

And I thought I was Hugh Grant, you know, because it was sort of,

you know, hey, a boy meets girl thing.

It was like being in a Richard Curtis film.

And then when it went out on the BBC, Claire was dropping the kids off at school.

And and the teacher came up and said put her hand on her shoulder said this must be a very difficult time

i mean what on earth do they think

i mean there's fly on the wall and there's fly on the wall

I know, unfortunately, James hasn't listened to anything you've said since you mentioned the Room of Temptation.

Yeah, yeah.

Went to the Room of Temptation.

Oh, listen, it's lovely.

Take me there immediately.

I might have some photos of that on my phone because after we did that, then it was my wife's birthday in September and I took her back out there.

but it was a little bit out of season the weather wasn't as nice

and we were paying this time so that took the edge off it as well that was when i realized everybody while we were filming was going capri is so expensive i go is it i don't know no idea

your dream drink rob with this meal barolo which again brings us back to the trip to italy because that's where i discovered it we started up in that area i think maybe the first or second episode.

Because I'm no wine guy, I'm no connoisseur.

I like rosé as soon as it's warm enough.

I love it.

It makes me happy.

Whispering Angel, are you with me?

Yeah, yeah.

Is that Lebanese?

Is Whispering Angel Lebanese?

No, I think, no, I don't remember.

I like Whispering Angel very much.

They do it at that place that you and I had lunch the other day, James, and they're about to start doing it again as summer, spring edges on.

You had a Kia Royale there, right?

Oh, I wanted to mention those, yeah.

You were very excited about getting Kia Royale.

I love a Kia Royale.

and now for people that don't know that is champagne with some cassisse and i will often have that claire and i went out for lunch two days ago in barnes yeah um the place

not random outbuildings around the countryside

we take a we take a packed lunch and we just find a barn and we sit in it and it's kind of nice no we went for lunch in barnes and we both had a kier royale and therein lies the problem because she didn't want all of hers so i had the rest of hers so she would then drive home but then oh dear hang on is rob falling asleep it's a bit too much whereas if i'd only had the one yeah i think i'd have been safe so yeah a kier royale i will have that again that's claire woke me up to that no idea what it was i like it

i i wasn't drinking at that meal and managed to get you to do your um roger moore uh did you really have to push me did you really have to persuade me it wasn't difficult

you were trying to convince me to have a cure royale and i did it as roger moore yeah i imagine you'd probably like it if i did it now yeah who feels that you know you hate those people that that can do voices and you mention stuff and they don't do it yeah yeah honestly no but i'm serious you know yeah i love people like dana carvey and martin short and you hear them on a thing and they just do it because they can do it and also it's joyous isn't it um well i don't know what I said.

Just come come, Mr.

Bond.

Oh, come, come, Mr.

Bond.

You enjoy a Kier Royale just as much as I do.

The sparkling combination of champagne and cases.

Yeah, that's exactly it.

Yeah.

Perfect.

That was delightful.

So you made Rob do that voice to convince you to have a Kier Royale and then you had to do it.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

To the very truth.

They say that Olivier, Laurence Olivier, used to have a glass of champagne every morning at 11 o'clock.

Wow.

So yeah, Kier Royale would be, I often have that if I'm out.

But you're not going for Kier Royale this time.

You're going

is always, is always, you know what I would do?

I would probably have had,

you rammed the sparkling water down my throat.

I would have had

the Kier Royale while I was having the oysters.

Is that allowed?

Oh, yeah, why not?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I would have had that.

So the sparkling water is just there, right?

It's there.

I always say, we'll have a bottle of still and a bottle of sparkling.

But if I could only have one, it'd be sparkling.

So, yes i would have had the chia royale with the oysters yes and then once the lamb is served i'm on barolo which is a much heartier wine it's a lovely wine and and as i say i have no great knowledge of wine uh but michael had chose this because we were in that region and i since then i've sort of stuck with it um i like a chablis with the white wines um but again my knowledge is abysmal we go to a particular front france of part we go to a particular france of part every year and uh there's um i i know i got it wrong the second time and um

we uh i saw the look of jesus christ i knew what you were doing good god he didn't realize it the second time i didn't know uh is rob okay um and there's a there's a nice winery vineyard near there and uh they do lovely they do lovely rose they do nice red so that's another one that i have a vague knowledge of but beyond that i'm in the dark every time my girlfriend goes for a meal with her friend Lauren and they get wine, my girlfriend always manages to make Lauren laugh by doing an impression of you, doing an impression of Steve Coogan, saying, oh yes, that's a lovely wine.

Oh yeah, yeah.

When you sit on the wine.

Oh, that's a very nice wine, that's it.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Because that's the thing we learned on that, that when you, when you taste the wine, you're meant, it's just to test it's not corked, it's not to comment on its quality.

But it goes against all your instincts, doesn't it?

It goes against all your instincts because somebody's come over, they've given you the thing,

and that bit is free, isn't it?

If you neck all of that, so you go, so you go

and you i mean it seems wrong not to go well it's really nice nice

and i think so i think steve i don't know whether whether this was genuine or we were just doing it i can't remember now but uh that's one of those things where in a show like that you go oh there's some material seize on that we've got a thing yeah because you're just looking for conflict you know

we could argue over this you know well at that point in the meal i only think about the partridge thing of when he's having the half a bottle of blue nun and the meeting with tony hairs and goes yeah that's fine fill her up yeah oh yes yes when they when he says can I have I got a second series yeah yeah yeah it's that meeting but the guy just starts to pour it and he's like what are you doing you need to pour a little bit I'll taste it and then you can pour the rest and he just downs half a glass and goes yeah it's fine fill her up think about that every time

it's so funny when and lovely when like you've done it several times you people say to you that they think of things because I think of a million things that other people have done and it's um if I can be given a moment to reflect it it's such a nice thing thank you I wasn't expecting it.

See, that's quite nice.

I quite like it when Steve plays that dynamic, because then he plays slightly low status for a bit, you know, because

he's a bit cowed.

And that's quite nice, because he often plays a higher status.

It's quite nice when he does that.

It's quite appealing.

Well,

you're very mean to him in that thing.

You just made yourself look like an idiot.

It's how you open the...

Because he says, yeah, that's very nice.

Thank you.

And you're sitting there, a very serious face.

You're going, you've made yourself look like an idiot.

He thinks you're an idiot.

See, but the thing is, that was the first episode, right?

That was the first scene we filmed for all the trips.

And we went into that, not really knowing what it was going to, honestly, not knowing what it was going to be.

We'd said no to it twice.

I remember saying to Michael after the first meeting, I said, six half hours.

I mean, there was some script.

Don't get me wrong.

That does a disservice to Michael.

I mean, good God, he came up with the whole story, what happens in it, you know,

the food, the restaurants, the journey, all that stuff.

But nonetheless, we're going to be sat at tables.

I remember seeing, I said, you probably get one strong half hour.

I was wrong, obviously.

So when we went off to do that, that was the first scene we shot, which is sitting at the inn at Whitewell.

Hell is this going to be?

In A Cock and Bull Story, we'd bickered, right?

So, okay, we can play odd couple bickering.

So we do that.

Yeah, and that's interesting.

You say that I was quite,

because as it went on, I got more and more uncomfortable with that.

And it does become very wearisome to constantly be looking for conflict i've i think i've said recently i'd much rather be gone fishing with bob and paul where occasionally they'll do a little bit of one of their funny voices or characters but most of the time it's just nice yeah and as we progressed with our various series michael more and more had to encourage us to poke each other with sticks because i think steve and i got on better as time went by we're mellowing getting older also it's hard with improv

want to get too comedy about it it but like with improv it's best to yes and the person that's right say yes to it and do it so if you're having to improvise disagreeing with each other all the time and blocking each other's ideas it is hard because you're constantly having to think of another idea instead in a different direction to go because you're both not you're not both going let's run in this

there is the the you know i have to admit there there is the aspect of it that we were playing versions of ourselves so i could point to many things right well that's nothing i would never say that but there are plenty where i say well that was basically me and And you can touch a nerve, you know, you can, so you've got to be a bit,

you know, so sometimes you go, oh, bloody hell, did he mean that?

And that's what gives it its bite.

But that becomes a bit you so good for it.

So there's got to be a reason that you're actually sat there together in all these things, right?

You've got to have some sort of understanding amongst each other that the characters have to get on a bit.

Yeah, oh yeah, yeah.

Why would you go back for another one?

Why don't you find them again?

I think that was one of the real things of the show, which is that as we progressed and we were getting older, you do, you know, you rage against the dying of the light and you enjoy company of friends.

And the greatest compliment I pay to a friend now at my age, 56, is, you're looking well.

And which is lovely, you want to hear, you know, because you're moving into that period now where things start to go wrong, you know.

I'm in the very early stages, but you are, you know, illnesses, all these things.

So yeah, it was a very interesting thing earlier when you said that Ed was a threat and I wasn't,

you know, I was the opposite.

But you're not of that age yet you don't want you don't feel like

are we going into the room of temptation for your dessert I think we should yeah I think we should do you know what I haven't asked any specific questions about the room of temptation because in my head it's perfect but I don't want to ruin it there's it there's kind of ceramic surfaces it's chilled there are different desserts laid out on a central island and then other desserts in in shelving around the room and you go back out into the warmth of the Capri sun although we're under a shade of course there's a we're not going to skim over that Rob I'm sorry well what do you go back out into the warmth of what oh

I didn't notice that I thought this was a fancy restaurant

And it's warm Capri Sun as well.

Like warm Rodina.

Got to skew it yourself with the sun.

Obviously, earlier when you were talking about Capri, I wanted to make a Capri Sun trip.

I'm so glad I left it.

So I can't remember.

Well, this is a generational thing.

When did Capri's Sun come into being?

Come into prominence?

I don't remember it ever not being.

Yeah, it's always been.

Always, has it?

It's never been part of my life.

Although I think it's in Gavin and Stacey, I think there's a reference to it.

I think Nessa, I love a Capri Sun.

I think so.

Maybe.

Sounds about right.

Maybe.

But Capri's sun has never been a part of my world.

To the extent that I was able to say the warmth of the Capri Sun, it meant nothing to me.

I can't imagine you even holding a Capri Sun, let alone drinking one.

I would feel demeaned by it.

Fruit shoot.

I can imagine you with a fruit shoot.

I can imagine you with a fruit shoot being given a fruit shoot.

But I can imagine, like, if I saw you holding a fruit shoot, I think it was funny, but I wouldn't think, what is going on?

If I saw you holding a Capri Sun, I'd be like, this is bananas.

I could stretch to an umbongo.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do you think in Capri they're aware of the Capri Sun and they're annoyed about its association?

No, I wouldn't have thought that they're worried, too worried about it.

Well, similar with the Congo and Mbongo, I guess.

Yeah.

I don't know how they feel in the Congo about the Mbongo.

So

we would go into that room and I find it very hard to choose a pudding.

And I've eventually settled for just follow my heart.

And

it's some sort of chocolate, maybe a chocolate bomb with vanilla ice cream or maybe

salted caramel ice cream.

Let's make it a little bit interesting.

You don't seem like very excited about it.

I am excited about it, but I'm disappointed in myself that I can't think of something.

And I'd probably sprinkle a Cadbury's flake or I'd crumble it.

The same way that Tom Jones did to his lemon.

I would get a Cadbury's flake that has been chilled.

Yeah.

And then I'd go,

yeah.

And would everyone in the restaurant get pregnant?

Not from me, no.

No, I'm afraid not.

Gerard Butler, maybe.

I know my place.

He'd be walking home from the door.

Yeah, Gerard might go, wow, what was going on there with that wee guy?

Another lovely dessert, of course, is summer berries with ice cream.

Yeah, lovely.

I'd kind of go ice cream every time if I had to choose.

Cheesecake can be delicious.

Yeah.

It's very hard in your binary world to come down one side or the other.

Yeah.

In tribute to Winton, you could go into the move of temptation with a shopping trolley and just start sweeping some of the shops.

In honour of Jerome.

Sweeping the move of temptation.

Yeah.

I got video of that of when we were filming that, just remembered.

Wow.

And you, I think, you glimpse the room of temptation.

I'd find it too tempting.

All you'd need is a glimpse, though, as well.

You almost don't want to see the rest of it, do you?

Yeah, I mean, if I went there and, like you, I got to go into the room of temptation, I think they would find very quickly just what my threshold of temptation was.

James, let me find that out.

Let me question

your choice of words there.

Okay.

You said, if I go there,

as Yoda would say,

I'm not going to do the voice.

I'm better than that.

Well, there is no if.

What is this if?

What is stopping James A.

Caster from going to Capri, staying at the Capri Palace Hotel, booking himself a fine and dandy table?

Well, maybe I'll do it.

I'll do it.

I mean, you know, if you've stopped doing the trip now, me and Ed could...

Next generation.

Yeah.

Right?

We've kind of positioned ourselves, haven't we?

Yeah, that's what this is all about.

This is all about.

We're tearing ourselves up for the trip, the next generation.

By 2022, Coogan and Bryden were too infirm to continue with the series.

Enter, Gamble, and Acaster, appealing to a whole new, young, vibrant audience.

All memories of Bryden and Coogan's sorry efforts were soon cast aside.

But the thing is, it's not going to be a great show because we just want to go to the same place as you've been.

So it's not going to be a good thing.

We're going to go the same place.

What if you went to the same places and got you got transcripts and you re-enacted the trip?

That's interesting.

You just do it word for word.

But it's be Ed making me do Shrek impressions at every single episode.

No, no, no, Shrek, you've got to do the ones that we did.

I can't do the ones that you did.

I know, but that's what that's one of the reasons it would be funny.

What do you got?

And what I really like is, and I believe, I think this is correct, but without questioning it, we've established that you're Rob.

Yeah.

Most people want to be Steve.

Whenever I look at him, people want to be Steve.

Don't worry about me.

He's got more of a kind of sexy thing going on.

But I'm happy, James, that you would be me.

He's doing Mick Jagger.

Mick Jagger.

It just sounds like James is upset.

Rob, you're also going to need to be on this to tell me what James is doing.

Yeah, yeah.

That was like so clearly.

Air!

Air!

Air!

Air Rob, Rob, Rob.

Rob, didn't he actually come to your house once, Mick Jagger?

No, no, no.

I was at a party and he was there and I chatted to him a bit and he was, he was stunning.

I mean, my God, the energy.

Remember that film Cocoon, you know, where the old people are suddenly, it was like that.

I mean, he radiated, honestly, I'm not exactly, he radiated energy and life.

Wow.

And then as we were leaving, I heard this voice, Eh, Rob, Rob.

And I looked up and he was on the landing.

And I thought, Craig, Mick Jagger is calling to me.

And he went, don't throw those spears at me.

And I thought, and I didn't know what he meant.

I thought, what?

And I looked at my wife and this is bizarre.

I said, what?

He went, don't throw those bloody spears at me.

And what he was doing, he was doing Michael Caine in Zulu because he loved the trip.

He told me he loved the trip.

So I realized, so I turned back to him and I went, I've told you before.

If you're not going to sing, I don't want to know.

Get back in the other bloody room.

And he went,

and he kind of ran off yeah and it was and then we left the house and we stood on the pavement outside and just went wow

did that just happen what a life because i think even he's more to my age than your age jagger means more to me i mean you're aware but to someone of my age mick jagger is this one of the sort of pillars of popular culture for the lot as long as I can remember, you know?

So it was just, it was just mind-bending.

It's the same for us when we had Ainslie.

Yeah,

that would be a similar sort of thing.

Yeah, yeah, he's our jagger and insulted us.

I have to read this back to you now.

See how you feel about it.

Oh, okay.

Water, glass bottle of San Pellegrino.

Poploms or bread, sourdough bread with salted butter.

Starter, six oysters, vinaigrette and shallots with a Kia Royale.

Yeah.

Main, roast leg of lamb, Welsh lamb, gravy, parsnips, carrot and Sweden mash, roast potatoes, Yorkshire puddings.

Cooked by Angela Hartnett.

Yeah.

Side side dish, Savoy cabbage and dauphin was potatoes.

Drink, Barola wine, dessert, chocolate bomb with salted caramel ice cream and a crumbled flake over the top.

That's the only thing I'm going to question.

Let's not say a chocolate bomb.

Let's say a chocolate.

No, let's say chocolate bomb.

Let's say chocolate.

Sure?

You sure?

You can change it.

You still got tea.

Doesn't it?

A chocolate bomb.

Retro.

Not if it's done really well.

Your mouth likes it.

Yeah, all right.

Yeah.

Oh, Ed.

Don't blame me.

It's 2022, Ed.

The amount of times I've heard that phrase said like that.

Oh, Ed.

Rob, thank you very much for coming to the dream restaurant.

Thank you.

Thank you, Rob.

Thoroughly, thoroughly enjoyed it.

Thank you.

Well, there we are.

What a wonderful chat with Rob Bryden.

Yeah, what a wonderful chat.

We got him to do all the voices we wanted him to do.

We got all the stories of all the projects that he's been on.

What a dream.

Yeah, absolutely perfect.

And a nice menu as well, I thought.

Very tasty menu.

When we read it back, he didn't seem happy about the dessert.

I've never seen anyone hate themselves more for their dessert choice.

Yeah.

He was angry about it.

He was pretty angry, but, you know...

It's not like he chose a Peter Hurt buffet or something.

There's been people choosing pretty awful stuff as well.

Exactly.

Don't be ashamed of the chocolate bomb, Rob.

Yeah, never.

Do listen to Rob's podcast, Bryden and.

Yeah, and the and is always a different person.

Yeah, I haven't forgotten the second half of that.

Yeah, so don't think that Ed's gone mad.

No, no, no, I've not gone mad.

That's the name of the person.

Yes, yes, there's a person.

There's always like a surname again after.

Yes, I guess.

So do go and listen to that.

It's a Spotify exclusive.

Fair enough.

And also, hey, all those shows that we mentioned during the pod, if you haven't watched them, watch them.

If you haven't watched Human Remains, I'm sure you can hopefully track down the DVD of it somewhere.

It's perfect stuff.

I mean, the listener can probably guess by how quiet I was during the Human Remains chat that I have not got round to watching it yet.

Which is criminals.

I love Rob.

I love Julio Davis.

So

I'm going to catch up there.

Yeah.

And of Marion and Jeff, of course.

Marion and Jeff, Gavin and Stacey,

the trip.

Would I lie to you?

I mean, that man has got National Treasure secured, locked down.

Locked down.

And he didn't say jelly deal.

So that means National Treasure is secured.

I mean, yeah, because that could have been an episode of Gavin and Stacey.

You know,

they visit, you know, his family.

Yeah.

Maybe they try some jelly deals.

Maybe Rob gets a taste for it.

Maybe he mentions it on the pod.

Yeah.

That's it.

Career over.

But thank you very much for coming on, Rob.

I myself am on tour.

Yes.

Edgamble.co.uk for details.

The show's called Electric.

Going all over the place.

And also you can pre-order my book, James Haycast's Guide to Quitting Social Media, Being the Best You Can Can Be, and Killing Yourself of Loneliness, Volume 1, wherever you get your books.

Getting used to saying that, aren't you?

I'm really getting used to it now, which is good because, you know, probably have to say it a lot more.

Yeah, but now

you're saying it so quickly that no one could possibly understand what you're saying.

Yeah, I'm going to understand it, so that will work against me.

Lovely.

Sorry to make you do Shrek again.

Well, you know, as soon as we started talking about impressions, the good thing about that one is that you blindsided me.

I didn't see it coming at all.

Normally I go, uh-oh, and I kind of feel a bit of Shrek in the air.

And this time, we were talking about impressions, and I thought, yeah, we just have a talk to Rob Brynard about the impressions.

I can't wait to hear Rob do an impression.

And then it was like, uh-oh.

Uh-oh.

I've got to do Shrek.

I'm up.

To the master.

The master.

Thanks very much for listening.

We will see you again next week.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

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Oh, hi, James.

Have you heard the news?

Oh, yeah, go on.

You and I are modern boys because the Menu podcast is now on YouTube.

This is embarrassing.

Why is it embarrassing, man?

You love YouTube.

I love watching clips on YouTube.

Sure.

Now people can watch clips of Off Menu on YouTube and full episodes, but it's embarrassing, man.

It's not embarrassing at all.

It's really cool.

We're on YouTube with the great and good.

The coolest people in the world are on YouTube.

Me, you, Logan Paul.

Who's Logan Paul, the dad from Succession?

At Off Menu Podcast.

That's what Benito's calling us now and we're on tick tock this is embarrassing man it's not embarrassing man we're cool we're like olivia rodrigo and ed people have been asking us battering us bothering us actually they want to watch the stephen graham supercut from the stephen graham episodes they can see all of his reactions to us everything that he did or benito has bent to their whims and he's going to put it on youtube he's going to do it Follow us at Off Menu Official on TikTok.

At Off Menu Podcast.

On YouTube, you can watch clips from the podcast.

And on YouTube, you can watch full video episodes.

People have been asking for it, and you're finally getting it.

Full video episodes, so you can see every single nuance on our little faces.