Best of 2020

Hello, it's Ed Gamble here from the Off Menu Podcast.

Hello, it's James Acaster here from the Off Menu Podcast.

And before the episode starts, we'd like to talk to you about All Our Relations, a non-profit co-founded by your friend of mine, comedian Jen Brister, and Georgia Takax.

Yes, All Our Relations was originally started to support 15 families in Gaza when the genocide started, but now supports 21 families and funds several mutual aid projects, including two seven-day food kitchens and two mobile food parcel delivery schemes, as well, feeding hundreds of families in Gaza every single day.

They've created an absolutely amazing thing.

And we feel like, you know, it's the off-menu podcast.

We talk about food and we are very lucky to eat wonderful food and have access to absolutely brilliant food all of the time.

And I think we need to talk about people who have access to no food, James.

Absolutely.

So if people would like to donate, please go to allourrelations.co.uk or look at the links in Jen Brister's bio on Instagram.

Every penny raised goes to supporting people in Gaza.

Thank you so much and enjoy the episode.

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Well, James, it's the end of 2020 and what a great year it's been.

Everyone's flourished.

The news has all been amazing.

What a wonderful year we've had.

So we thought here off menu in the dream restaurant, we'd round out a fantastic year by playing a best of episode.

Why not?

It has been, as you say, a fantastic year.

I mean, the only thing that has struggled this year is podcasts, hasn't it?

It's been very difficult to make podcasts in 2020 for some reason.

But we managed to put out 46 episodes and we've got some absolute humdingers when it comes to clips in this.

I can't wait to just relive a little trip down memory lane, Ed.

Memory Lane.

Oh, Memory Lane.

There's so many brilliant clips.

It's more like Memory High Street.

Oh, it's Memory Boulevard.

Memory Boulevard, let me say, the High Street, another thing that's really flourished this year.

Ah, that's gone from strength to strength.

God bless

more at the higher street.

It's gone even higher than you ever thought possible.

I thought that high street couldn't get any higher, but it got even higher.

It's even higher than Chee Chin Chong.

An excellent reference.

Yeah,

and it's been a great year for Cheech and Chong as well, of course.

Yeah, congrats to Cheech and Chong if you're listening, boys.

Well, we start this year's best of with another batch of food and drink inventions.

That's how we started last year's best of, and let's do it again.

Our guests, James, are food innovators.

Should we hear from some of our food innovators?

Yes, here's some of the wonderful recipes that our guests came up with themselves.

They think outside the box and in your mouth.

We've got Catherine Ryan, David O'Doherty, Reggie Watts, Simon Rogan, and Joe brand to hear from take it away guys

let's say then i would have like a don julio white tequila lime and soda oh lovely that's really nice i don't like yellow tequila but i like white right sounds great i quite like one of those now

quite like a tequila lime and soda and you can have a little um chili in it as well that's really nice like get a green chili and a green lime.

Oh,

I love this.

There's a certain place that you've had this, or do you make them yourself at home?

Oh, I make them at home.

I have like a whole drinks fridge and it is popping.

But you can get it anywhere.

Hold on, you got a drinks fridge.

Mm-hmm.

Talk about the drinks fridge, please.

Yeah, I want to.

My mind's been open to...

My fridge is like normal size.

Yeah.

I've seen a lot of people with some pretty impressive fridges recently.

My fridge.

I have.

I've seen like people doing like tours of their houses and showing like their fridge and stuff.

Who?

There was a car that one of the Kardashians did it recently.

Oh yeah.

Did like a walkthrough of like, was it Kim Kardashian did a thing where she showed her fridge and it was just full of drinks and everyone was like, oh she doesn't eat food.

Was she showing that she just has drinks and then she's like, oh no, that's not my food fridge.

And then she's got just got like a walk-in wardrobe sized fridge.

Yeah.

Probably like she works in a restaurant.

That's my dream.

Yeah.

It's exactly like a restaurant walk-in fridge.

It's a really healthy fridge.

You're a big admirer of the Kardashians, right?

I mean, I admire anyone that everybody else hates.

Yeah.

And then I just think they're not hurting anyone really.

Nobody really needs to be a billionaire.

Fine.

They're a bit vacuous, fine.

But I like to relax.

And when I watch the Kardashians, I see big, delicious salads, nice green teas and juices.

I see tasteful interiors.

I always am kind of fascinated by how their makeup's going to be and how their hair is going to be and what they're going to be wearing.

And they're always doing things that look like beautiful.

And there's some like,

I don't know, aesthetic satisfaction out of that.

The same way, I don't know, people probably get satisfaction out of watching a sport.

Yeah.

I don't tell people, oh, what's it matter?

It's only a game.

It's like, no, you like watching football and screaming at the telly.

So do that.

And then I really like seeing how Courtney's like done her wallpaper.

I like it.

Kardashians are great.

So I don't have a fridge like that.

That's my dream, like to have a huge fridge.

Yeah, I'd like, although I used to work in kitchens and the walking fridge would never be very pleasant.

No, because they'd lock you in it instead.

No, we would lock each other in the fridge and the freezer, yeah.

Really, your dream is that you get someone in the walk-in freezer, and then you lock that because you can't open that from the inside.

Yeah.

Oh, God.

And then they'd be like, oh, God, please.

And that was a lot of fun.

But no, the fridge was just...

just smelly.

Miss, it literally smells in here or whatever.

Literally stinks in here.

Yeah, that's what I'd say when I was in the walking fridge.

But you've got a drinks fridge and you've got a food fridge you've got several fridges see that's good that's I'd like that it just feels very adult to be like hello welcome to my home let's go over to the drinks fridge and like what would you like oh there's no wine left again whoops

are we going with the tequila lime and soda with a bit of chili yeah that's the most um sounds delicious interesting refreshing light and it gets you fucked up is there like a cocktail name for it or is it just tequila lime and soda i think it's tequila lime and soda well you can name it here officially and people will listen to you as well because we've just had word that Greg Davis, who's a previous episode, in his local curry house, he complained on the podcast that they've taken lime pickle off the normal condiments at the beginning

and you have to ask for it.

And he texted me the other day to say he went in there and they've heard the podcast and they've now put lime pickle back on the menu and they call it Greg's pickle.

Oh, it says Greg's pickle on the menu.

That's right.

So if you want to name that cocktail now, some menus may take it up.

Yeah.

Oh, well, what would you call it?

Well, I think the reason that I drink it, so this might help with the name and perhaps we can workshop, is that I believe that like really clean white tequila doesn't give you a hangover.

Okay.

And like then soda isn't, it doesn't have like that many calories.

And then lime's nice.

It's spicy.

I don't know.

I was going to say like something like good morning, but then that suggests you should drink it in the morning.

Yeah, perfect.

Yeah.

yeah the good morning the good good morning is a great name

good morning the good morning is a great go for it so what's your yeah what's your main course so it's uh it's a it's a large ironware french influenced brightly coloured pot

and uh it

it's chicken and all the veg it's that one right and it's you you throw it in the oven and you can leave it in for two hours but you know what leave it in for four It'll be even more falling off the bone.

And this is the kind of, I'm like, you know the way Messi, Lionel Messi in football?

Probably the coach doesn't tell him what to do.

Just goes out, go out there and do your stuff.

Like, I'm like,

you are wasting that on me and Ed.

You know, you know, Messi, guys.

I thought you were referring to Mr.

Messi from the Mr.

Man.

He is the so he's the most talented footballer in the, there's this game called football.

How far back do you go?

He's an instinctual player and I am an instinctual chef.

But where he is very good, I am very bad.

So I fire things in.

So we've got the La Cruz.

Ah, we've got the ironware pot and we sear, we do the searing where you put it on the hob with oil in it and sear the chicken like full chicken we're talking here and then the problem is i don't remember what i did i don't remember the order i remember i put various veggies in and potatoes and popped the lid on and put it in the oven for three hours a bit of stock some uh red wine uh a selection handfuls of various

things from the herb garden, but I don't remember what I did and I don't remember what I put up the chickens asshole I don't remember anything about it and I've been chasing that dream for three years now trying slight variations on it and every single time it comes out like

like boiled you know like children in the second world war who had to move out of London and live in the countryside it's sort of like the food that they would eat that's what it always turns out as where the carrots are hard even though they've cooked them for five hours, and the fucking chicken is just like, you know, someone has just put it in a tumble dryer and let it just fall around on itself for a week.

I love that your approach to cooking, you're from a jazz dynasty.

You take a jazz approach to cooking as well.

Yeah.

Yeah, I try to, but I am

missing the key element of jazz, which is to be highly musical.

Like, you know, you know, the way they say about jazz, it's, it's the notes you don't play that are more important than the notes you play.

Well, the ingredients you don't use and the ingredients you use, they're all bad from

me.

But I'll still keep going.

I'll still keep trying.

I'll try to chase that dream.

And that is what I would like the genie

to make for me.

Does the dish have a name?

Is it Coco Van?

It must be Coco Van, right?

Yeah, it's yeah, but like, what is Coco Van?

It's

you put stock, you put red wine.

You can put white wine as well.

I've tried it with that.

Maybe I put in white wine.

And what temperature do you put it in at 170?

Do you put it at 130?

Do you leave it in for four hours?

I don't know.

And I can't.

So it's Coco David is what we'll call it.

Right, Coco.

Amazing.

Absolutely amazing.

Your name is David O.

Docherty, and you call it Coco David.

Absolutely incredible.

Like, I like a starter to be flavorful and small.

So I would say, because sometimes we get starters and really they're just, it's a meal.

Right.

It's like a meal before a meal.

That's why I like starters.

Well, okay.

That's why you love meal.

I'm like, I'm taking in another meal.

Oh, I see, I see.

Yeah, but then you're probably like playing soccer for like six hours afterwards.

You know me, Reggie.

I'm always playing soccer for six hours directly after a meal.

I've been professional soccer players play soccer for six hours.

And they certainly wouldn't do it after they've eaten.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

I would say something on like a little Christini or something, like a little flavorful thing.

I don't know what it would be, but

because...

You know, starters are weird.

It's a non-starter.

Why do they make you feel weird?

Well, because I know that I should probably just order a meal.

I know when I do a starter, I like the idea of it.

It's really cozy.

You're with your friends.

And you're like, maybe we could get it for the table.

But I eat it and then I'm kind of already full.

And then I'm like, ah, now I have a meal coming.

And then I have to pretend like I'm not full for the meal.

And, you know, that's tough.

That's a lot of acting.

How do you pretend to not be full?

What's the sort of.

You just go like, well, I got to eat this.

That's the reality.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, sometimes we hit, you know, here in LA, you might be going for a meal with a casting director and you go, right, I've got to pretend to be not full.

And then at the end, go, just so you know, I was full for that whole meal.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And they'll be like, oh, my gosh, the role is yours.

Yeah, yeah.

Yes.

Is it Rye?

Yeah, I don't know.

I think that's how you have to do it.

You just have to eat it.

You just have to be like, man, this is my first meal.

I didn't have a starter.

Yeah, this is good.

Oh, whoa, boy, I can't believe this.

You know, a lot of that.

Put to yourself, maybe.

Or maybe, mm, look at that.

Oh, yeah, and then commenting on the color, the heat, whatever, the temperature.

It all helps.

If you want to, you can just pass on the starter.

We've had guests pass on the starter.

I'm going to pass.

I'm going to pass.

Ed will be upset because he's a starter boy and he loves starters.

It's such a waste.

This is his favourite course.

Even when you were circling around Crostini, I was like, that's too small.

Oh.

I thought you...

What's a Crostino?

Like a little crispy bread thing.

You know, like...

Tiny, thin, crispy bread, and then they put things on it.

And they put put like a tapanard on there or something.

Yeah, I'll put like tapenard or a goose.

If you want, I can just give you the crostini, and that's it.

Man, maybe I'd do

maybe I'd do a yeah, maybe I'd do a crostini with um a pureed uh air sauce.

Yeah,

yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Don't fill up on air, though.

No, no, no, no, I won't fill up on air sauce.

No, air sauce for sure.

Air sauce sounds like an insult.

Hey, get out of here, you air sauce.

Yeah, yeah.

It's like, I don't know what that is, but the way you said it sounds like it's not supposed to be favourable.

Sort of had a little bit of a little bit of a deviation away from gin and tonic.

It was called the floor clearer.

So if you picture, we're finishing the work, going after work, or if I'm off on a night, just go and sit at the bar.

And it's a pint, pint glass.

Lovely.

Quadruple gin in there.

Right.

Eight ice cubes, and then just fill it up with a really spicy, hot, fiery ginger beer.

Oh, yeah.

And Angostira bitters.

Yes.

So basically, the effect was:

as I drank more of this drink and went on to the next one, I got louder and louder, and the floor cleared.

And that was it.

We called it the floor clearer.

Quite handy at closing time, obviously, because no one left.

Anyone out anymore.

But then she went back to gin.

I don't drink it as bad as what I used to.

Very sort of regulated now.

Tanquare is probably the gin of my choice.

Drink too much of it, the W goes on the front of it instead of tea.

You sure, yeah.

But yeah, that's my drink.

I think any drink that starts with it has to be in a pint glass.

Yeah, it's gonna be.

Yeah, I've tried it.

Take a pint glass.

And I've tried taking that, you know, to other pubs.

You tried to ask people to make it to make it, but then realise it costs 25 quid

to actually drink it.

I just thought, God.

Were these costing 25 quid every time?

No wonder we were crap at it.

No wonder wonder we were shit.

It's a huge loss every single day.

I can't figure out what sits.

I love the reason you won't get it in another pub is not is because of the price, not because you have to go get a pine glass, quadruple gin.

Quadruple gin.

Well, every time I did it, did it

explain it, I did get a few raised eyebrows.

Yeah, the quadruple gin was probably the first

big sort of obstacle to

navigate for people actually pouring you wines like, no, don't be so stupid.

Especially going in there with a a tray of Dauphin ones.

What side dish are you going to choose to go with?

This is the smorgasbord?

There's quite a lot going on already.

Absolutely.

Well, I would have sort of four or five different types of coleslaw.

Is that allowed?

Because I love that as well.

I didn't know there were four or five different types of coleslaw.

If you could please take us through them, Jo.

Yes, okay.

Well, there's the normal one, okay, where you just have like chopped up cabbage, onions, grated carrot with mayonnaise, okay,

right?

And then there's a type of coleslaw that my mum used to make when we were kids, which had all that in it, but it also had grated cheese.

And instead of having mayonnaise, because we didn't have that in the 1960s, I don't know if you know that, we had something called salad cream.

which everyone on telly who's over the age of 60 keeps blaring on about saying is great.

And everyone else who's under the age of 35 just turns their nose up and go, oh my God, it sounds appalling.

And it's great because I'm old.

And so I would have that.

I would have salad cream coleslaw instead of mayonnaise coleslaw.

But you've also got mayonnaise coleslaw as well, right?

Yes.

Okay, and then you would have a type of coleslaw which has got all that in and you just add sort of extra bits in that you feel like doing.

So like a bit of raw cauliflower or, you know, stuff that people would go, I think you'll find that's not in traditional coleslaw.

Well, once on this podcast, every episode of this podcast, we have a secret ingredient that we don't like.

If the guest says they get chucked out of the restaurant.

Is it coleslaw?

Well, one, no,

luckily for you, no, it's not.

But like one episode, it was coleslaw if it's got raisins in it.

Oh.

Because we did not allow that.

Where do you stand on raisins in coleslaw?

Totally anti-raisin.

I think it's the equivalent of having pineapple on a pizza.

Yeah, completely agree.

I like that.

You don't.

I like pineapple on pizza.

Oh, James.

James.

I feel depressed now.

I do.

Joe feels depressed about your food choice.

And this is a lady who is currently halfway through listing five different types of coleslaw for her side side dish yeah that's who we're dealing with i mean i would be offended if this wasn't the most disgusting menu we've ever had

well that's good that you're not offended

see what i can't believe is is that i can't believe that

People spend so much time thinking about and knowing about food and showing their food that they've just eaten online.

That to me is a really disturbed behaviour.

That's my life.

Because

I couldn't give a shit what someone's just had for their dinner.

Honestly, I really couldn't.

And the more expensive and posher, the worse, the more angry I get, to be honest.

And I just think, eat it and enjoy it.

We don't care what you're eating.

Go away and just eat it yourself and put a cloth over it.

I think you would be surprised, joe brand if you sat down one evening and you had multiple portions of different coleslaw if you took a photo of that and shared it with the public i think people would care i think people would be like what what is she doing she's got five different types of coleslaw and she's sitting down to eat them all right i'm going to put that on my instagram and see what happens then i'll let you know how many likes it got oh james it's up to four

oh i think it would go through the roof and you'd say to people based on just the photo, tell me which, which is which, which coleslaw I've got here, what types I've got.

People would be throwing in suggestions, trying to guess which one's the salad cream.

Now, I've got to say, we're only three deep in the coleslaw, though.

I want to make sure we get to all five because we've got normal coleslaw, we've got salad cream and cheese coleslaw, and we've got one that is both of those, but with bits of cauliflower in.

So, yes, okay.

And then also, I would get the one that

you have like fermented, one made with fermented cabbage,

the one you get in Germany.

What's that called?

Like sauerkraut.

Yeah, that's right.

Sauerkraut, sauerkraut coleslaw.

So basically, you ferment everything to the degree that the sauerkraut's fermented and just make a coleslaw out of that, really.

Nice.

That's good for the stomach as well, fermented things.

Is it?

Yeah, it is, yeah.

It's a bit late for me on that front, isn't it, really?

Anyway, what's the final, the final coleslaw, Joe?

Not a question I ever thought I'd ask at this point.

Yeah, the final coleslaw.

It is just what you might feel like putting in a coleslaw

on any given day when you

the third one was coleslaw, but whatever you want to put on it.

Yes, but I the third one's sensible things, and the fifth one is not sensible.

Okay, so you hear the distant sound of a curly whirly being open.

Well, I don't think quite that bad but maybe like some chopped up linda mccartney veggie sausages or you know um a bird's eye potato waffle chopped up and put in it or you know anything you felt like on the day a bit of rhubarb whatever

whoa that coleslaw sounded insane Yes, no.

Our guests have often brought their own surprise special guests to the dream restaurant, James.

It's not just them.

They often...

I'm going to let you in on a secret.

Sometimes they're not special guests.

It's just them doing some characters.

Well, I don't know, Ed, because as you know, I always record our podcast with my eyes closed because I want to experience it like the listener does.

That's correct, but I have my eyes very much open.

Here's the way I do podcasting.

I open my eyes, I open my ears, and I often listen back to them.

James, not so much.

Close my eyes, close my ears, never listen to them.

So let's hear from some of the characters that our guests have performed as.

We think that there's definite movie franchises in some of these characters.

And, James, this year, I wrote a whole new stand-up act.

You did write a whole new stand-up act.

My favourite thing ever.

I tell you what, my only appearance in that clip is me laughing my head off because I love Edwin Coffey.

Well, apart from Edwin Coffee, let's hear from Louis Theroux, Emily V.

Gordon, Anthony Head, Armando Ianucci, Louis Theroux again, and then me.

AKA, BBQ Mam, The Bereavster, Shepi the Shepherd, The Dying pigeon, the Swedish lawyer, and the coffee comedian, Edwin Coffey.

If you travel in the south, places like Oklahoma and Texas, they have these barbecue shacks where

they've got, and they look like they're big drums.

Some of them might even be converted oil drums.

And I guess they steam roast these, I guess, hogs.

Or maybe it's beef.

I don't even know what kind of meat it is.

And sometimes they go, that's been in there for 16 hours.

Like, this is very tender.

That's been in there for 16 hours.

Presumably on quite a low heat.

And

we got wood chips in there, tobacco flakes, and

some herbs and seasoning.

Herbs, they say, don't they?

I was like, what's the secret?

Like, secret is love, Louie.

And do they always say Louie, or is that just when you're there?

No, they don't always say Louis.

I just put that in there.

And then they...

The secret is love.

secret ingredient is love.

They should bring them in when someone dies of a broken heart.

Yeah, they should.

Those barbecue guys can save some lives in the hospital.

If you knew how many goldfish we've saved, you'd be amazed.

We're getting calls all the time.

And the time circus is in.

When fairgrounds are in town, we get run off our feet.

It's crazy.

Seeing those little choppers going.

How do you, sorry,

Texan barbecue man, I'm just wondering how you save the goldfish.

When they bring the goldfish into you on death's door, how do you save them?

We just get,

I think, you know, we get itty-bitty bits of barbecued beef or pork, and we just drop them into the...

You can't, you gotta be careful.

You put too much in.

Fish can overeat.

I don't have to use it.

And they die.

The commonest way for a fish to die is...

overconsumption of anything, not just barbecue.

If you put feed it, I've seen it my own fish.

Honest to God, this is me Louis now talking.

It exploded.

We had a fish explode on us once.

It exploded.

Yeah.

Too much bread before it's made.

Well, we only think that that's what happened.

But we know that when we went on holiday, there were three fish.

And we tasked someone with...

feeding it every day and I think they overdid it and when we came back there were two fish and then tiny little bits of fish.

Oh it died of a broken heart.

It exploded from a broken heart.

It didn't.

It exploded from eating too much.

So you can't overfeed it, but just a little bit, and then it tastes the love, and then it can turn it around like that.

If you ever have a loved one who's lost his partner or her partner, help me, soulmate.

Only prescription I know is one of my sandwiches.

I will say when I was a barista when I was 16, which is like quite some time ago, and I was a barista in a hospital.

I worked at like a coffee stand, and it would just be like bereaved old men who were like, just give me coffee.

I don't want anything fancy.

Like they were like,

because they would be like latte and all this shit on the menu and they would be like, why are you doing this to me?

So I just

mostly missed like regular ass coffee.

But I would make a thing for myself that was like a combination of every flavored syrup that was available to me.

And I called it the Milky Way.

Just a 16-year-old just drinking every flavored syrup.

All the syrups.

And you'll just drink all the syrups with the coffee.

A little tiny bit of coffee.

Yeah.

What the hell was wrong with me?

Yeah.

Also, I think the character of the bereaved man who has to order a complicated coffee is one of my favorite characters we've had on the podcast.

That's great.

It's a real, that's a sketch that really needs to see the light of day properly.

And I was supposed to push the fancy drinks on them and I would just be like, I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

No!

No, you really can't.

I don't have a choice anymore, please.

A lot of men who's like also masculinity were threatened by

options.

And this was when I was 16, so it literally was like, this is like 1995, 96.

This is a long time.

This is at the initial sort of coffee, the coffee crate.

Before Starbucks really took over as like a thing.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

So people were just getting used to

it.

Or not even slightly getting used to it yeah yeah

oh what a what a character

can't get it out my head oh bereaved barista i didn't know

the bereavester the bereaves you are a bereaved you are a bereaved star

you won

do you is food part of uh part of your life would you say you enjoy it i do definitely enjoy it um yes i've been all over the place and what's quite interesting is is that we over

during my life, England has gone from

English cooking to pretty much everybody's cooking.

It's adapted very well, I think, to absorb

palates from around the world.

But

yeah, no, it used to be very...

Shepherd's Boy and

meat and two veg and all that.

And that was it.

And it was like, no, we can actually...

And cream spinach, of course.

You can't forget the cream spinach.

I want to delve it more into the character you're just just playing.

Because I like the character.

I like

it.

Is it the character who said Shepherd's Pie?

Shepherd's Psychiatry.

Yes.

Is the character called Shepherd's Pie?

I'll see if I can invent him.

Yeah.

I like the character.

What would the character's name be?

Well, Shepherd.

Shepherd?

Shepherd.

Shepard Spy.

Shepherd Spy.

Shepherd.

Shepherd's Spy.

What's Shepherd's Pie's job?

Is it a Shepherd?

Maybe he's a night.

Maybe he's a shepherd, yeah.

Maybe, yeah.

Is it a shepherd?

Did he just eat shepherd's pie?

It's called shepherd's pie.

You've got to marry a food.

What food are you going to marry?

It can be a whole dish or it can be an individual ingredient like salt,

but you have to marry it.

I have to marry it.

Yes.

Not marinade it.

No.

Very good.

I think it would have to be that pigeon soap.

Yes.

Because it was delightful.

And you could look at it.

And it will bring back memories of my actual wife.

You've had to divorce for the sake of the fun food, Marion.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Sorry.

But yeah, I was doing this podcast and I signed the contract.

I didn't read the contract.

And it does say I have to carry out all the ideas we get.

They do have to be.

Apparently, it's a law thing.

Yeah, so...

But I think I can then divorce the pigeon soup and then we can remarry.

I think anyway, it'll all be fine.

It'll be fine.

Would you name the pigeon soup after your wife so it makes you feel more like she's around still?

No, no, no.

I think I think I would call it pigeon soup.

Yeah, you're just.

I mean, it's it is, you know, it is what it is.

People boarded pigeon soup.

Who of your friend do you think any of your friends would be quite accepting of the fact you're magic you're married to a bowl of pigeon soup?

Um n n n no.

No.

No.

No.

Everyone would be worried about you.

Everyone would be um everyone would be reporting me to the police.

Yeah, fair enough.

Because they'd be saying his wife has disappeared and there's just this pigeon soup in the house now.

I think something's...

He's erased it so it's pirate over the top.

He's sat in so it's like in a jacuzzi.

Yeah.

He sort of puts it on the telly so it's just lying there on the telly looking at me.

Probably dead beak.

Brushing my teeth.

There it is, kind of there in the mirror.

She's

beak open as if to say, can I have some of that

toothpaste?

Well, it'd be a fun joke if you can brush my teeth if I haven't got any teeth and dead pigeon.

Oh, yeah.

What fun!

What fun?

I mean, I know we'd probably have to move on.

Obviously, for me, the most fun bit is imagine that our maddo's married to a bowl of pigeons.

I was trying to think of another animal that you could make a vegetable, and then my first thought was going to be horse.

And I was like, Well, we don't eat that anyway.

Well, they do in France, don't they?

And in those lasagna's that time, remember that?

Trember for a while when that was the big story in England?

If you remember, and I feel bad mentioning it,

some of the meatballs were made from horse work.

Were they?

I think they were so good.

He knows he's eating them.

Run that past your legal team before you put that on air.

You will get sued by a huge Scandinavian company.

Who's this now?

It's another character, the Swedish lawyer.

I've spent many years building building my brand only to have it trampled on by a podcast, making false allegations.

Oh, geez.

We would like to ask you, Swedish lawyer.

We'd like to ask you what is in your meatballs then.

If you claim there's no horse in these meatballs, you tell us what's in them.

They're purely made of vegetables, funny should ask.

We don't advertise it.

Oh, so I'm losing it.

I'm losing it.

I had it dialed in.

You started going Irish.

It was the idea.

It was the advertisement the word that made you lose it there.

You really slid off there.

I was listening to Desert Island Discs this morning and they had a Swedish guy on there.

He was the head secretary general of NATO.

He sounded a bit Irish, so maybe I'm all right.

This week, the secret ingredient is mocha.

A mocha.

A mocha.

Now, you're okay with mocha, aren't you?

I love a mocha.

Not me.

I mean, I don't drink coffee anyway.

Yeah.

But when I did, I was like, I either want a coffee or want a hot chocolate.

I don't want it.

I'm one of those guys.

when Starbucks came out and you were like

I don't know what's all this mocha choke a lot of ya ya stuff.

I don't want a frappuccino grand eventi mocha choca lada cinnamon roll motherfucking white chocolate whipped cream shit.

I tell you what I want I want a fucking coffee That's what I was like that's you isn't it yeah I was like I was like a yeah

a mid-2000s comedy routine you know what I want I don't want any of this shit to yourself of me up some sort of Halloween cinnamon gingerbread latte shit.

No, you gotta bring your own cup.

You're kidding me, these glarus cups, these metal cups?

Say they're killing the animals with the paper cups.

I dropped my glass cup the other day.

I broke a dog's head open.

That is very funny.

I'm laughing at that at face value.

It's an actual funny comedy routine.

I'm not even messing around.

But we don't want Josh to say mocco.

Josh says mocha.

No, if Josh says mocker, then that's it.

But like, I'm kind of hoping you'll say mocha, so I'm going to hear more of that guy.

More of that character, more of that routine, please.

What would that character think about when they write your name on the cup?

Oh my god, are you kidding me?

I mean, it's like the government.

They're trying to find out who you are.

What's your name?

And they never get the name right, do they?

What does it say on the cup?

Fucking asshole.

Oh, so help me God if I pass a Starbucks.

How big would you like your coffee?

I want a coffee size.

I don't want to have to get a bucket from the back.

And who the fuck is the woman on the logo?

I think she's like a god, isn't she?

Of some sort of fucking god.

I don't know.

She's like for Moby Dick.

Moby Dick.

I don't need a Moby Dick.

The only dick in there is the guy behind the counter.

Yeah, very good.

Whoa, thanks, Edwin.

You might want to slow down on the coffee, actually.

It sounds like you've had one too many.

I love Edwin Coffee.

He's my favorite comedian.

We've got to get him on the podcast, Ed.

Do you think he'd do it?

I know what he'd have for his drink.

I genuinely think if we did a full-length episode with Edwin Coffey,

I think it would get a tenth of the normal amount of listeners and they would all turn off halfway through.

I think some people, and I'm pointing at myself, would listen to it for the first time.

Well, it's not just blockbuster movie franchises, which Benito has written in the script and seems obsessed with the fact we can do a blockbuster movie franchise.

Yeah, good on him.

The podcast has also produced chart-topping music hits and i say the podcast has produced chart topping music hits i mean james a caster has produced chart topping music hits because you have been obsessed with songs this year james i found my calling and it's no secret any chance i get i'd like to sing a song and here i am dueting with paul f tompkins serenading voicine connerty and bringing josh groban in for a collab

How were they cooked?

Because, I mean, Brussels Sprouts, I think, still in the UK are absolutely reviled because they're like, they're boiled they stink.

They were roasted and they were so good.

And I've had them, I've had them boiled.

And yeah, the smell is a lot stronger.

Very bad.

I can still eat them boiled.

I think they're my favorite vegetable.

But yeah, roasted Brussels sprouts are so good.

Yeah.

They're so good.

And they're on like every menu here.

Yeah, they've really, in the last, I'm going to say in the last five

years, they've really made this crazy resurgence where they are on every single, every place you go has Brussels sprouts do you take credit for that at all oh yeah

I mean

you know I mean

it's something that happened here and uh I'm here yeah yeah and

I don't know it's

not for me to say

you've probably been putting in a good word here and there I mean

I certainly when I have them I do make a point of saying I really like these and they're very good yeah

yeah

I say it the same way every time,

which is how you establish a pattern.

So it's easy for people to remember.

Yeah.

So by the time I'm saying to someone else,

you know,

I like these, these are very good.

They don't realize they've heard it from me already.

And they're like, yeah, I've heard that before.

That's a saying, isn't it?

Yeah.

That's a saying.

Yeah.

I very like these and they're very good.

Do you have the Brussels Sprout song here?

Oh, yeah.

we have one.

Yeah, do you think it's the same one that you guys have?

Oh, I think it must be.

Do you guys want to start singing at the same time?

Yeah, sure.

Were you kind of standing?

Three, two, one, B, R, U, S, S, E, L.

Shut up.

Shut up.

I really like these.

These are very good.

Yeah, it's the same one.

Yeah, very good.

You said you you liked fizzy drinks earlier.

Yeah.

I'm going to crack open one of my own.

Can you hear that?

It gives me a feeling that noise.

Like it's listed.

Like it's like the smell of the cinema.

I'm like, oh, someone's got a fizzy drink.

Love it.

This is my favourite fizzy drink.

What is it?

My girlfriend ordered it for me the other day as a surprise.

I'm extremely excited.

24 cans of it.

Corston Press.

Are you familiar with Corston Press?

Yes, lovely.

Rhubarb, Corston Press.

Not rhubarb.

No.

Yep, the rhubarb one's my favourite.

I hate rhubarb.

Oh,

when I die, bury me with Cost and Press.

Cost and press is lovely.

I like that.

Rhubarb.

My mum, my whole life, makes rhubarb crumble and then pretends that we've not had the conversation where I told her I don't like rhubarb.

It's really, it's like it's really dark, actually.

What have you got against rhubarb, mate?

It tastes awful.

It's like a bitch, point.

It's disgusting.

It has no bliss point.

No one can enjoy that.

It's a vegetable disguised as something.

It's horrible.

I hate it.

You are so suspicious of food dressing up as other things, yet again.

Yes, it's awful.

In a crumble, it is dressed up.

It looks innocent.

Oh, apple crumble.

And then you get into this like

swamp food.

This disgusting bitter

hellscape taste.

You're just like, ah.

Does it creep you out that it makes a sound when it grows?

I knew there was something wrong with it.

It makes a sound when it grows.

So

they force grow rhubarb.

They force grow it.

What a beauty.

No wonder it's in a foul mood.

They grow it in the dark.

So it grows quicker because it's growing to try and find the light, but there is no light for it to find.

And it's growing so quickly that if you listen to it

when it's growing indoors, it's creaking.

You can hear it.

That's how quickly it's growing.

That's the saddest thing I've heard in a while.

I've got PMT and that has broken me.

That is a horror story.

I'm strolling down to the orchard via the rhubarb patch.

Open a catacoster press, pour it down the hatch.

I can't believe poor rhubarb.

What a tale.

And I'm judging it for not being a nice god.

You don't, you never know people's stories.

I like it.

I'm drinking it down and I love it.

I really like Course and Press.

They could do it a few more bubbles.

No, I like the fact there's not many bubbles in it and I love the rhubarb taste.

When I die, bury me with Carsten Press.

I once went to Andrew, Lord Andrew Lloyd Weber's house,

and we were working on, we weren't working on anything together.

We were just, he was a friend of a producer of mine, and we went over there and I got to play him a song.

I was working on it, he got to play me a song.

He was working on, I've been a musical theater guy since I was a kid.

I went to college music.

So hanging out at Andrew Lloyd Weber's house, super fun and he was so nice.

But, you know, know, at that level of wealth, it's just, you realize that it's just, it's like pouring us tap water.

He pulled out a bottle and he says, oh,

would you like a drink?

And we said, sure.

And he goes, we had a party last night.

And this was a real star at the party.

It's drinking quite well right now.

We're going, great.

I mean, this is two o'clock in the afternoon, so we're thinking nice little lunch wine, maybe a rosé, perhaps, you know.

And,

you know, my friend Marius DeVries, who's a producer in London,

I took a picture of the label.

We're like, oh, yeah, that was a $5,000 bottle of wine.

Wow.

Hold that for lunch.

Yeah.

Wow.

I love that you played each other's songs as well.

Yeah, I'm working on this.

What would you have done if you had played him a song that you worked on?

And then he'd have been like, oh, that sounds great.

I need to be drunker to hear that again.

And then what if he sat down and went, okay, I'm just working on this.

And he was just like, my name's Andro.

Hello, hello, hello.

I have feet and I have to go.

And he just like did that.

What would you do in response?

You're in his house.

You've just played him a song and he said it's brilliant and he loves it.

And then he just does like the stupidest, worst song you've ever heard.

How do you respond to that?

Everybody, I am Andrew.

Hello, hello, hello.

I have shoes that I have to go in.

That would have been a lot of deal.

Yeah.

That's the next chorus is, I have shoes that I have.

Yeah, yeah, I have shoes that I have to go.

Because he's found out that feet are not enough and he have to leave.

He needs to put something on the feet.

I think he only writes for characters that don't wear shoes.

Right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Cats.

Yeah, sure.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I just think Jesus.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And the Phantom of the Opera in the beach blanket boogaloo.

Oh, boy.

That went that one directions I never expected.

Yeah, yeah, right.

Well, to answer your question, I would say, you know, that's really interesting, and I can't wait to see how it develops.

Oh, yeah.

Very good.

Yeah.

We got a lot of people to tell us about the podcast.

Wow, what a load of great songs there were there, James.

And we're yet to hear from Andrew Lloyd Webber about turning my name is Andrew into one of his musicals, but we've still got our fingers crossed.

Give me a call, Webby.

Now, at the beginning of the year, James, I don't know if you remember, we went to America, USA, to record some episodes.

Seems like another lifetime away, pre-pandemic.

I mean, it's crazy to think that it happened this year, but it was great.

I mean, some of our US guests, let's face it, didn't know what a pop-adon was.

They didn't really know what we were on about half the time.

There were some pretty odd moments.

No, they were baffled, and it seems also crazy to say we've still got some in the bank and we will be putting some out next year.

The weirdest one, I think it's safe to say, is still to come.

But for now, let's hear some clips from Ronnie Cheng, Noah Schnapp, Catherine Cohen, Apana Nanchola, Anthony Jeselnik, everyone's favourite, Wyatt Senak and Ronnie Chegg again.

These people are confused.

First of all, this whole fucking thing is, okay, why are you dividing it into goddamn like you don't go for like the idea of it must be a what first course, second course, third course, this is already imperial colonial mentality.

Like

yeah, what if I don't eat with that?

I eat like shared plates, man.

Bring it out and then we share it.

I don't eat fucking first, second, third.

So you're yelling at me about a public.

So we're whwashing food, right?

Yeah, right now the whole concept of what the fuck you're doing is already, in my opinion, is already flawed.

Hashtag dinner so white.

Yeah.

Hashtag dinner so white.

No, I didn't say white.

I didn't say white.

Imperial colonialist.

Yes.

Yeah.

It's not about race.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's not about race.

Colonialism's not a lot racialized at all.

Here's what you need to know about that sound effect: is that James is a genie waiter for this.

Okay.

That means I can get you food from

wherever, from whenever, from your past, from your future.

Not for your future.

No one ever picks anything from their future, to be fair.

Very difficult to work out.

Wait, are you guys brothers or just friends?

No, it's both from England.

Just from.

Do we?

Yeah, yeah.

We think we look alike?

A little bit.

I don't think anyone's ever said that before.

Okay, maybe not.

I was just...

Maybe you don't look alike.

That was quite nice.

We could be brothers.

We could be brothers.

I think we both like how each other looks.

Yeah, I think so.

So that's a compliment for both of us.

I don't mind being compared to James.

Sure, that was quite nice.

That would be awful if you said that and then one of us was really offended and the other one wasn't.

Well, thank God you guys aren't ugly.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

That would be really scary.

Also, I mean, yo, I guess it's quite nice.

Family-run restaurants are good.

So if this was like our own dream restaurant and we're like the brothers running it, that's quite nice.

Two brothers.

Two brothers running a restaurant.

Well, good to know you're not brothers.

Yeah, you're in good hands.

Do you get drunk with your family?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I get drunk with anyone.

It's so fun, isn't it?

Yeah, it's great.

It is good.

Though yeah, we're like a fun, like we like to have parties and we're a fun group.

Can't we in your toilet?

Yay!

He pisses off my bathroom and brings the award.

Thank you very much.

Oh, well, fuck me, right?

Yeah, when we record it.

Yeah, welcome to New York.

My apartment's very, for those listening at home,

it's a huge apartment, but I chose to have the best.

James is such a good podcast host that he will wait for guests to get halfway through saying something and they'll go, Can I we in your toilet?

Are you not going yet?

Right, look,

you're definitely going to hear it.

So, what I'm going to do is

I'm going to have have a sit-down wee.

Don't be

sit-down

and then you won't be able to hear it as much.

Well that's you're a worst guest.

Now you've announced that you're going to put your bare butt on a toilet.

That's a sign of respect.

What?

Rubbing your ass on people's stuff.

Sign of respect going,

I celebrate however you want to piss in my house is beautiful.

Oh I respect you so I'm going to pull down my trousers and pants and rub my ass on it.

So beautiful to me.

I'm going to put on, I'm going to show you guys what I'm talking about.

In Japan, some of the toilets play music, so no one can hear you go.

I would love to go to Japan.

You can pick the tune and everything.

I would love, you're right.

I really would just love to go to Japan.

You guys are going to let this owner.

What are we playing?

If you've ever found yourself one evening wandering down a quiet street in the rain, looking for somewhere to take shelter,

you'll know what a blessed relief it is to find such a place as Reinday Antiques.

Don't you love it?

You right, James?

Oh, I locked myself in at the end to screw.

Don't say a word.

And the glass between the metal bars is ever so slightly wavy.

This quaint little establishment stays open 24-7,

if you can believe it.

Is anyone else around?

Wait, I actually have to pee.

Is that the craziest thing you've ever heard in your life?

Well, no, I know.

As soon as you put on the reindeer antique, I know we're all thinking.

I really need to pee as well.

You're a guest, you go.

All right, I'll go first.

Yeah, you go, Ed.

And then we'll all, yeah.

I'll probably do a sit down.

Honey, we should have brought the toilet in here, am I right?

We all gotta go.

Edge will do a really loud and proud one now.

Tell me.

Assert is dominance as the alpha.

Okay, I'll be right back.

Go on.

How are we doing it?

How'd I sound?

Barely cool.

Yeah, great, actually.

I like if I hadn't gone first, I would have been a lot more relaxed about it.

I know.

Okay.

Hey, what's up, guys?

Look, everyone's, everyone.

Hey, guys, we're back in the studio.

Everyone's relieved themselves now.

What is that, a donut?

In my head?

Yeah.

On my head?

Yeah.

Nice.

Now I can't see what you're referencing, so

you just suddenly out of nowhere said, what is that, a donut?

The partner didn't please.

She was just like, on my head.

I don't know what that is.

I now think I came in wearing a donut on my head and it was only referenced at this point.

No, yeah, I can see it.

Only certain people can see the donut.

Yeah, I had no idea.

It just means, yeah, it means I'm not sensitive or something.

I can't see the donut on a bar.

He's wearing it like a little hat.

A donut on the part of his head.

No, it's like a hairpin, right?

It's a hairpin with a piece of it.

It's a donut hairpin.

It's got a little pink doughnut on it.

Do you remember the bagel head trend in Japan where people would get plastic surgery to make it look like there was a bagel in their forehead?

What?

Okay, you're looking at me like I'm crazy, but if you Google it, it was a thing.

They got surgery.

They got surgery to make it look like there was a bagel under their forehead.

Well, sitting opposite me is the great Benito.

He just Googled it.

I've never seen him look more horrified in his life.

Looks absolutely like he's going to cry.

It's a thing, though.

Why, why?

I don't know why.

Was it like an advertising thing for a bagel chain where they were like, I'm always thinking about bagels?

I don't know.

I could never really get it get an explanation for why it became so it would look like it was embedded in their forehead

yeah I want to walk around the table have a little look at my

they don't have bidets in space yeah that's true we don't have those in England anyway bidets no no they're not big here I mean people like rich people have them.

Have you ever tried one?

It's unpleasant.

It's not a nice feeling.

I'm not into it.

And like Japanese toilets, I like the idea of the

spray in the water to wash, but

it's not for me.

I'd rather have just a slightly dirty butt,

I think, and then just give it a big wash at the end of the day.

I don't like when people have

the baby wipes on the back of the toilet.

It's like,

how filthy are you?

You're acting like you don't own a blow dryer.

You know what I mean?

Have you ever had a bidet steak?

beg your pardon james what a bidet steak a steak that's cooked in a bidet is that weird yes well you said about birthday steak earlier i know about oh i thought i'd do a funny little

you did are you throwing a callback at me oh yes

i thought i'd just throw a little callback at you that's the worst thing you've ever done on it yeah that's so bad that's a crime against comedy anthony's got you so shook it's brilliant i'm absolutely terrified and i'm off my game i'm not thinking straight

I've got no confidence in anything that comes out of my mouth.

You shouldn't do it if it's fucking bidet steak.

Why are you ganging up against me?

Sorry.

I just talked about birthday steaks, maybe.

Yeah.

But it's been quite some time.

Are you going to air this?

Yeah.

Did we just put a bullet in this one?

This is perfect.

This is perfect.

I think this one is going out, but like.

If you guys title each episode differently, I hope it's called Bidet Steak.

Yeah, yeah.

Bidet Steak, maybe.

Oh, I'm having an anxiety attack

oh look at it in my head it was good bidet steak i still joe this is how shook i am i still don't know why it didn't work still in my head it was it was the best idea ever had at the time would you like me to explain it to you yep okay a callback you got to have like the first thing in your head you know so it's like it like you remember that first thing and so birthday and bidet aren't even that similar yeah and it was so long ago that i talked about the birthday steak

that uh and even the way you said it was without confidence whatsoever I think you were looking at the table, and it almost sounded like

just the fact that the steak was made in a bidet was the joke.

Yes, I mean, it was a failure across the board.

Also,

birthday steak, we didn't really hang around on that for very long, either.

We mentioned it once.

Yeah, I forgot we talked about it at all until he brought it up.

It just stuck in my head because I thought a birthday steak sounded fun.

What's like your normal job?

Although, now I'm also, you've just reminded me if I can go on a very quick other tangent.

Of course.

Just wanna,

Uncle Y wise, weird little tangents.

The tangent has to end with you saying your dessert.

I'll get to the dessert.

You have to do the whole thing, and then at the end, just say it yourself.

Just seamlessly go to dessert.

I did in Los Angeles, and when you get there, you'll learn this.

Two things about LA.

Drinking, it stops at 2 a.m.

But also, you can sell alcohol at grocery stores and not just just beer but you can sell hard alcohol and I remember when I lived there there was a woman in line in the grocery store at like 159 in the morning with a giant bottle of Jack Daniels and a big like one of the big leader things of Coke and the clerk was like I'm I'm sorry it's two o'clock I can't sell this to you and the the woman was very angry and like looked like she'd just gotten out of the of a nightclub nightclub and was just kind of like, come on, just sell it to me.

And was trying everything.

And finally, as a last ditch, was like, please, a friend of mine just died.

And there was a part of me that was like, oh, what an interesting play.

But also,

I like the idea that a friend of yours just died and you were so upset about it that you didn't just buy whiskey, you bought soda to mix it.

You're making mixers right now to like mourn the loss of your friend.

So, yeah.

So that was very interesting to me.

Cinnamon rolls.

Welcome, Ronnie, to the Dream Restaurant.

Welcome, Ronnie Chang.

I have an amoebouche for you.

What?

What was that?

Yeah.

Okay, nice to meet you.

Join us again, Bull.

Amused Boosh.

Amoozbouche.

Amused Boosh.

You've got to say it right.

You know, this is really, we're really at the

bottom.

Like,

this is the end of podcasting, I think.

Yeah.

I mean, we're down to two British guys whimsically talking about lunch now.

What more can we fucking do?

This is it.

Yeah.

Thanks, Ronnie, but you were wrong.

This is not the death of podcasting because we're still going.

Go to hell, Ronnie!

A Merry Christmas.

Now, we shouldn't forget, of course, that this is a food podcast.

So what we love is a mouth-watering description of food.

Ah, I love an in-depth, detailed description of someone's favourite dish.

So here's some clips from Sarah Pascoe, Natasha Legero, and Moshe Casha, and Gene Gray.

This is that thing, actually.

I think it's about being a comic, is because we do gig all over the place.

If you love something from somewhere, especially as a vegan, have this gratitude.

So, Leon have a love burger, and it's vegan, it has vegan cheese, and it has vegan mayonnaise in it.

So, it's got all the stuff of a normal burger rather than like you're missing something, and they're so nice.

The first time I had one, I cried halfway through because it was going to finish.

I was just so happy that it existed and existed somewhere.

I can get one everywhere now.

And now, I have a rule: I do not pass a Leon without getting one.

That's difficult in central London.

It's I'm eating a lot of burgers, but that's how you show corporate gratitude.

So, you always always have to go in and get a love burger.

Yeah.

What is it about the?

So, I've never had a love burger.

And also, I haven't had a non-vegan burger for a long time.

So, you do forget what things taste like.

But the really great thing about, especially if you want like fast food, it's the condiments, it's the gherkins, the cheese, the mayonnaise, the lettuce.

It's the whole thing rather than just the patty.

I think love burgers are combination between a very, very meaty tasting patty.

Right, yeah.

And everything else just being like a Big Mac, kind of like it's delicious.

Yeah.

So, the side dish.

Okay, what was your side dish?

Well, mine is the cream spinach that you order at Pacific Dining Car.

Staying in the same place.

Staying there.

We're not moving.

You don't want to leave.

Yeah.

It's really cool.

You've not left California so far for your menu.

And with Moshe's, we've been to San Francisco and Israel.

And Israel.

Yeah.

Okay.

I love California.

I was unable to decide.

This is cheating now that it's a competition.

If this was just more of a laid-back...

What do I do here?

well i'll tell you what okay i know what i'll do i'll tell you what i what i couldn't decide between and then i'm gonna order the second thing okay dude okay yeah yeah yeah yeah i just thought it'd be cool because it's like we're talking memory and stuff jews have the worst food of any ethnic group probably in the world i mean eastern european jews hummus hummus that that's how bad jewish food is that we had to literally colonize a region and go our national dish

we invented it and it's like no i'm pretty sure it's not from there but uh

like like Humas is like an Arab food, but Israelis are just like, no, we made it.

But the one good food that Eastern European Jews make,

it's mostly just like bad, standard, like Eastern European, you know, and I'm sure like sausage-y, well, not sausage, but, you know, meats and boiled chickens and sliced potatoes.

But there's a dish called chullant, which is a rare dish.

This is one of your favorite foods?

One of the best things ever.

The face that Natasha made.

You have to describe it.

It's delicious.

Tell them what's in it.

Okay.

It's a stew, basically, but it's made with

mixed beans,

like

16-hour boiled beef.

So it's like just falling apart, kind of the tenderest beef you've ever had in your life.

Little barley and like

sauce, sauce kind of situation.

And then in the, I'm not ordering this, in the middle, there's something called kishka, which is a kind of like wheat and beef fat,

pasty sausagey thing.

It's like a starchy.

It's a sausage, right?

Because that wouldn't be coaching.

It's a bit of a beef fat.

But it's made of like starch and.

Okay, so what I will have to

sound good to you guys?

Let's stick on the chunk.

I mean, I just wanted to.

I've never had someone describe it.

I wanted to take a swing for my ethnicity, but as I was doing it, I gave up.

I've never had someone describe something so specifically and in so much detail, and yet I still have no visual

what it would be and what that would look like.

I have no

chicken, is it spatch cock?

Is it like all flat?

Yeah.

I've never done that before.

How do you

do?

It's the only way that I like to cook chicken and also turkey on Thanksgiving really, really helps.

Cuts down like hours.

And it's never dry because I don't fucking like turkey except when it's done that way.

Except for the fact that I also

am apparently not eating meat anymore because my body said no.

Oh, really?

But still like to cook it and think about it.

So thank you for this show.

You flip it over, you take a real sharp knife or some sharp scissors and you cut the backbone out and then you flip it back over and you smash the chicken down and you're like, who's your fucking mom?

And then that's it.

You just got to take that piece out and then it kind of just opens it up so everything just cooks evenly and it's it's really lovely.

What you put you do put garlic on it?

Well first I want to make a a garlic buttered rosemary lemon rub that you do all under the skin.

Well, this is, and then do a really good marinade with like some citrus and some garlic and some herbs and lemon and let that sit for a few hours.

That's amazing.

That sounds great.

Also, a question about you said you do it with turkeys as well.

Yeah.

Is your oven massive?

No, and that's why you have to spatchcock a fucking turkey.

Right.

Because otherwise, the height of it, you can't can't fit anything else.

But how wide does it get?

Not bad.

Cool, so you can do it like long,

long ways.

Oh, okay, I see what you mean.

Turn it and then be able to fit like other things or something like small alongside with it,

whereas before it was just like the turkey's in, that's it.

We just have it to

luck with having everything out at the same time.

I just imagine unfolding a turkey to the size of like a world map.

Yeah, that's how big I'd imagine it would be.

Yeah.

It's like the height of a door.

Yeah.

Delicious description from Jean Grey there.

Absolutely love it.

Her menu was mouth-watering.

But I remember more about that interview, Ed.

On the day, we just interviewed Noah Schnapp, and he had been talking to us about the Benagorgon.

which of course, as we all know, is the Demogorgon, but mixed with the Great Bonito.

It's when the Great Bonito becomes the Demogorgon.

Yeah, and Noah had been talking to us about that.

Yes, he had bought it up with us.

He had told us about the Bene Gorgon, which is the Great Benito who lives in the upside down.

And we told Gene Gray about it, and she did an

absolutely amazing impression of the Benagorgon, but then it never made the edit.

Because guess who edits the episodes?

The Bene Gorgon himself.

The Benagorgon.

But finally, we can say an absolute exclusive because no other media outlet was brave enough to play it.

Here is Gene Gray's impression of the Benegorgon.

Can you do voices?

What sort of voices do you want?

I don't know, like, because I never heard you do a voice before.

Yeah, you have?

Oh, yeah, you do the voice of the Benegorgan.

Yeah, the Benegorgan is the Great Benito's other character name.

You and Stranger.

What does it sound like?

I'm the Benegorgon.

Yeah, that's what it sounds like.

I know myself.

I used to be a magician

and a chap did some magic and I changed myself accidentally into a Gorgon.

Oh no.

Shit.

Yeah, so it turns out I can't do the Benagorgon as well as Gene can.

Yeah, Gene took your impression.

Yeah.

And really, really.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

That's what I'd like to hear.

Spot on.

That sounds exactly like him.

Now, sometimes we talk about fancy food that you can't do at home, but sometimes we hear about recipes that you can try at home.

Lots of listeners, for example, have already sent us pictures of their Tomasina Myers potatoes, James.

Yes, and we're going to hear Thomasina Myers' recipe again for those potatoes, along with a recipe that I myself had to write down in real time from Goku.

I made a canton beef dish with

tomato ketchup, which is a real, which is incredible.

The minute you mix tomato ketchup with oyster sauce, you get this fusion flavour, which is so dynamic and delicious and simple, and you get the saltiness and the

sweetness from the tomato ketchup.

And then that with the charred beef and fresh plum tomatoes and lots of onions, it's delicious.

I've got tomato ketchup in the fridge right now.

You should try that dish.

You should try it.

I will.

Should I tell you how to make it?

James, do you want the recipe now?

Very quickly.

He's only got tomato ketchup, though.

Yeah.

Have you got any protein in your fridge?

Chicken?

Chicken, that'll do.

Okay, so you're going to boil your chicken, however, it comes, whether it's breast or thigh.

Let me get my notes up.

Boil.

We're going to do this.

Chicken.

Do you have any soy sauce?

Yeah.

Okay, so you're going to put a bit of soy sauce in the water and it will colour the chicken, but also add some salt to it as well.

And then after you've boiled it, you're going to let it go cool and then you're just going to shred it with your fingers.

Just put it apart.

Yeah.

Then what you're going to do is you're going to fry off some garlic.

Have you got ginger?

Fingers.

Yes.

Fry garlic.

And if you've got any ginger,

you're going to put in two cloves of garlic.

You're going to put half a centimetre of ginger.

Half a centimetre.

Yeah.

If you're really posh, you'll grate the ginger.

If you're not really posh, you'll cut it up as small as you can go, James.

But watch your fingers.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Then have you got any spring onions?

Yeah, I have actually.

Okay, so you're going to chop your spring onions up.

You're going to chop up the green bits into three centimetre strips.

And then the white part of the onion, you're going to chop into smaller bits.

And that's because a spring onion tastes differently.

So the green bit is less acidic, and the white bit is very acidic.

Okay?

Got it.

And then you've got, so what you're going to do is you're going to fry your spring onion, your ginger, and your garlic.

And then you're going to put in your chicken in a tiny bit of oil, not very much at all.

And then you're going to put a squeeze, a good squeeze of tomato ketchup.

Have fun with that, James.

Yeah.

Fun.

And then you're going to put in.

Yeah.

And then you're going to put in about half of what you've done with the tomato ketchup with oyster sauce.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then at the very end of it, you're going to serve it on fluffy rice just with a tiny, tiny, tiny dash of sesame oil, and that's your most basic Cantonese dish.

That is great.

And at no point do I have to use...

Oh, no, you did say water.

So I'm going to.

At the beginning, I'm going to be absolutely sucked.

Unfortunately, you're not going to be able to get the water into the pan to boil the chicken in the sales.

And that's the first hurdle.

So the side dish is really good.

Okay.

Okay, so you get some spuds.

It's quite nice with new potatoes, this dish.

So you boil them or steam them until they're tender, and then you smash them a bit, which is quite fun with a rolling pin or your hand or depending on how angry you are.

Yeah, or jams or throw them against the wall.

Yeah.

And if they stick, they're cooked.

Does that help you?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Sounds good.

Is that with all food?

I don't think a new potato,

a new potato sticks.

I think you're wrong there.

They're never

fraud.

It's a fraud.

And then you mash it, and then you don't mash it, you just smash it a bit.

So you just, you just, you just squash it a bit.

Yeah, so you break the skin a bit.

You lean on them a bit.

Yeah.

This is not a full mashing, but I'm coming for you if you mess it up.

So you'd lightly crush the new potato.

Yeah, then my favourite instrument in the kitchen, you get your pest and mortar.

It's a big one.

It's none of these piddly small ones where you can't do anything because everything's flying out.

It's a really big, heavy one.

And in the bottom of it, you put, you know, three or four really fat cloves of garlic.

Not the supermarket hind, but you know, the stuff you get from a proper food purveyor, like a market or something.

Big fat cloves of garlic, smash them up with some sea salt, some peppercorns, loads of thyme.

You can put rosemary in there too, or oregano or margarine, but thyme is for great because you can buy it in the supermarket.

And smash all that up.

Then you put lots of olive oil on, like, you know, masses, 100 mils, five, six, seven, eight tablespoons.

Mash it all up to this garlicky thyme, black pepper paste, and you smear it all over the potatoes.

potatoes and then you put it in the oven really hot oven and then you roast them until they're all crispy crunchy golden garlicky delicious

that all sounded delicious but if you're feeling hungry feel hungry no more because let's talk about poo and pee Pooh and pea and poo and pee and poo.

I'd say more often than we talk about food, we talk about poo and pee.

This is a very rude podcast, Ed.

Indeed.

So let's hear from Corey Taylor, Thomasina Myers again, Sarah Millikan, and Arabella Weir talking about a boy buffet.

Disgusting.

I've had some stalkers over the years who have, they've sent me some weird shit, let's just say.

Just a lot of weird, you know, letters signed in blood.

Oh, so intense.

I tell you what, dude.

Okay, so

the first real weird letter I ever got was back in 99, And there was a PO box that we were using for a while that we then had to get rid of because just so much shit was fucking coming into it.

We had to forward everything to our management.

But before we did that, we would go down and we would find, like,

was getting to the point that there was just like bags and bags and bags of it.

And they would give me these fucking stacks of crazy fan letters.

So I would read them and, you know, every once in a while I'd reply.

and stuff.

But there was one that started out, it was from a lady, and she was telling me about how her and her husband were quite big fans, right?

And now, the first page, you know, this is all on like notebook paper and handwritten, very nice, very whatever.

And she's like, you know, I'm a huge fan of blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And I was like, oh, this is very sweet.

And I flip it over, dude, and it turns into a full-on, like, I want you to keep me in a cage.

And I want you to, I mean, for real, it went from zero to what the fuck, like that.

I just was like, it was interesting.

I still have it somewhere.

In the whole build-up to you talking about that letter, um, I could see James was really annoyed when it turned out to be from a lady because he really wanted to make the joke that I'd written it, James.

Yeah, I was getting ready for it.

Well, there were two things I was getting ready for.

One was that I wanted to make the joke that Ed had written it, absolutely, 100%.

And I'm still not ruling that out, by the way.

It's a classic

throwing you off the scent, Ed Gamble,

making out he's a lady in the letter.

Yeah, but also,

uh,

also, in preparation for possible callbacks later on in the episode,

because I don't know about Clutch as much as Ed does, so I thought I'll Google the Clutch albums so I know clutch.

And I tell you what, there is not a single album by Clutch which wouldn't be a funny name for a toilet.

Oh, I've just remembered Earthrocker.

Every single one of Earthrocker,

Earthrocker, Psychic Warfare,

Book of Bad Decisions, that really makes me laugh.

Transnational Speedway.

Oh, jeez.

From Beale Street to Oblivion.

Yes.

Strange Cousins from the West.

I don't know why that's my favourite.

Strange Cousins from the West really makes me work.

It works.

It works, though.

Jam Room.

Oh, Jam Room.

Jam Room.

It's really good.

Hang on.

Isn't it

Slow Hold to China?

Isn't that a rarities album?

I think so.

How big is this pestle of mortar when you said about it?

I bath in it sometimes.

Right.

Yeah, bubble bath.

And the pestle.

Actually, which is the pestle?

Which is the mortar?

Good question.

The mortar goes.

The mortar's the baseball bat.

The smasher one.

Yeah.

The baseball bat.

Yeah.

Okay.

And the pestle's the bowl.

The pestle is the bowl.

Yeah.

Pestle on its own is quite a funny word.

Yeah.

You never hear it on its own.

No one's just going and just get me a pestle.

Yeah, I've got the mortar.

I've bought my mortar.

It sounds like one of those things you put up your bottom.

Huh?

What is one of the things you put out your bottom?

What's that called?

It's one of the things you put up your bum.

What is that?

Oh, in medicine.

There's loads of different things that you can do.

Yeah, of course.

Seriously.

You've spoken to enough medical professionals in your time.

You've heard about your ear doctor friend, your dentist.

I'm sure you've spoken to some ass doctor who's

got many, many, many stories about all the people that are.

A pessary, it's a pessary.

A pessary.

What's a pessary?

It's when they put something out of your bottom.

I thought that was a suppository.

What's a suppository?

That definitely is something that goes up your butt.

Up your butt.

Yeah.

But.

But, yeah, I guess what

we've learned is you can,

anything can go up there.

Apart from your puzzle, because it's too big, right?

It's too big.

You could fit a butt in the pastle.

You fit a butt in the mortar.

Butt plug.

What's the same butt plug?

She's lost it.

Tomasina's absolutely lost it for the lesson.

No, she said, but plugging, she's absolutely losing it, laughing her head off.

Absolutely losing it.

I just can't stop laughing now.

We'll do well to get her back in this episode.

Do you want anyone in particular playing the piano?

Oh, that's a good question.

Somebody who's quite good,

but not really.

I don't want to be...

Yeah, I don't want anybody playing something where I'm like, I don't know know what that is.

I want to be able to recognise the tunes, proper tunes.

So somebody who, like mid-range, doesn't have to be famous, but better than I am.

I can only play with one hand, which is limiting.

You don't want to be sat at dinner and then not really listening to the music.

And then you just tune into it and you just hear it in the distance.

You're like, I think that's the Rugrats theme tune.

Is that the theme from Midnight Caller?

Oh, you're probably too young for that.

Every now and again, someone says something on the podcast that I know is going to end up on the No Context Off menu Twitter account.

And when you said, I can only play with one hand and it's limiting, I was like, well, that's going.

That's amazing.

I mean, that's also true.

But I'm really good with that hand.

Yeah, okay.

Don't get it twisted, everyone.

It's the same as an expert with that hand.

Yeah.

Not an expert.

That sounds too much.

Do you want someone in the distance doing that as well?

Um, well, I mean, if I'm on my own, maybe I could be doing that to myself, couldn't I?

Depends how good the food is, right?

Yeah, and if I've got like instead of having cutlery, if I just have like a spoon, I could keep the other hand busy, it's fine.

Then it'll be the pianist will be the one going to the waiters.

Can you ask her to turn it down?

Keep it down over there.

It's too noisy over on that table, please.

I'm trying to play the piano over here.

I'll have what she's having.

Better than sex, though.

It's not on your menu.

Yeah, but I'm old, so sex isn't that interesting to me anymore.

But like, it's not like, you know, oh, fantastic sex or a mince pie.

No, let's just go for the mini.

A lot of foods are above sex now, right?

Yeah, and the older you get, the basic you get.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The older you get, they sort of swap places.

You know, sex is everything when you're your age, and then you sort of think, I want to talk about it all the time.

Oh, yeah.

I do another podcast all about people's favourite sex menu.

Yep.

Do you?

No.

No, that would be a good one, though.

It'd be interesting to see if you can get anybody on it.

Boff men.

What is it called?

What do you like on your sex menu?

Boff.

Boff.

Boff.

Oh, Boff.

Yeah.

You've got a podcast right there.

It would be interesting to see who you get on it.

Yeah, I know it's called Boff Men.

Yeah.

That's good.

Boff men.

Boff men.

Quite boutique.

That podcast, wouldn't you?

But you might get a lot of listeners.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

So food has overtaken sex for you.

Yeah, I mean,

that sounds like I used to have as much sex as I did eat, and that probably is true, yeah.

I probably used to have more sex than I ate.

That's cool.

And then you sort of swap a bit because A, you're not that interested as much, and also your opportunities diminish the older you get.

Sure.

Like it or not.

And whereas you can

eat where you like.

I mean, you can go to a restaurant and eat what you like, can't you?

If you can afford it.

Whereas you can't go to a boy restaurant in my case and eat what you like necessarily.

No.

Especially if they have free will.

You should stop calling places boy restaurants, though.

Well, I mean, you know, the idea being that's going, I've arrived in the boy restaurant.

Well, that's the sort of, you know, if there's a sort of smorgasbord of boys, which is, you know, yeah, I'll have one of that, a little bit of that, not too much of that, please.

Just a suggestion of that,

a taste of that.

I've only thought of this now, but that is basically what happens.

Whereas you have more opportunities the older and richer you get.

Yeah.

In many ways, but fewer choices in

the love.

Well, let's not talk about love in the sex department.

Yeah.

you're not in love with all these boys at the boy restaurant.

No, in fact, you mustn't be in love with them.

No, you can't.

You must not be in love with them.

It's just, it's a picnics.

And you don't want to invest too much.

Sure.

It's a, you know, it's a grab bag.

Yeah.

Well, James, what a year it's been for Willie.

It has been an amazing year for Willie.

Right at the start of this year, way back in March, Joe Thomas came on our podcast and he told us about his hero, Willie Harcourt Coos, who is a chocolate expert.

He inspired Joe to do something awful with a lamb.

And then we interviewed the wonderful chef, Andy Oliver, who revealed that she knew Willie Hardcore Coos.

We used that contact, and as a Christmas special on Christmas Day, we released the conversation between Willie and Joe.

We united them and brought them together for the first time.

It's been a heartwarming story.

This is also a dish that I'm going to prepare.

Okay, it's something that I call 24-hour lamb.

24-hour lamb.

And this is a lamb that you cook by burying it with a fire in a hole.

And I did this.

Burying it with a fire in a hole.

Initially with a fire.

So that it's in there with the fire.

Okay, you light a fire.

Yep.

You put the lamb in.

Yes.

Okay.

Then you bury it.

Great.

Okay.

Basically, that's how you do it.

Now, I did this about 10 years ago.

There was one summer where I was

living with my parents and I sort of really became really just

for like one summer, like really genuinely quite good friends with like one of the local dads who lives in the village.

So he was like my mate's dad.

He's called Neil.

But it was a bit like, that's my mate, Neil.

So I suppose he's about, I suppose he was about 50, I was about 25.

But it was a nice, it was a gent, it was a, there was nothing, you know, I wasn't like a Toy boy like it was it was a it was a perfectly lovely friendship just friends with your mates dad's dad's dad and I'm remain friends with that Neil now and

that's not as weird as being in love with someone no no which would be quite nice actually

mates with your mates dad so basically he'd wanted to do this for a while and I'd seen or it's whose idea was it It was perhaps even my idea, but I suddenly, I remember seeing a program on television.

I'm just starting to laugh because I'm just remembering that this story is clearly building towards you and your mate's dad digging a hole

in the garden and cooking a lamb in it together.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was,

as I say, you know, it was, in fact, it wasn't summer, it was Christmas time.

Because we went to.

It was some sort of romantic time of year.

Yeah.

I'd seen a programme on television that was called Willie's Perfect Chocolate Christmas.

Now, the thing is, in which this lamb thing had been done.

Now, the thing is, it wasn't really a recipe programme.

What's Willie's Perfect Chocolate Christmas?

Okay, I'll tell you what it was like.

It was like, you know, Kirstie, like Kirstie's Christmas.

Like, you know, Phil and Kirstie, who do like the property stuff.

She does programmes at Christmas where it's like, it's a bit of cookery, but it's not really like...

It's not really a cookery.

They're not that specific about the recipes.

It's more like tips.

And at the same time, it's like her just like making a house look nice and like making

decorations.

So it was the recipe was at sort of that level of distance from like specifically what he was actually doing.

And also I kind of it was one of those frames that you kind of like catch where I was like oh yeah I think he

I think he was doing something like and so this is me Sir Neil now.

He dug a pit he put a fire in it and then he got a load of hay that he'd kind of

kind of made a bit damp and he put that on top of the fire so the fire wasn't too harsh.

then he put the lamb, which I think he'd seasoned or something.

I remember them putting some herbs and stuff in.

Again, I sort of seen it.

I was like, I don't know what's that?

Could be rosemary, it could be anything.

Yeah, and in a way, it's not really a bit about it.

Willie's family, really.

Yeah, um,

um, so, um, who's Willie?

Yeah,

well, okay, so this is the thing.

So, having watched this program,

I really identified with Willie.

And to a certain extent, I was like, I think I'm a sort of Willie.

Yeah, you're a Willie type.

I'm a Willie figure.

Yeah, yeah.

Like,

I'm a guy like that.

I'm a guy.

I'm an affable guy.

Okay, he was a guy who I think...

This might be totally wrong.

I think he might have been a sort of chocolate entrepreneur.

I think he might have owned...

Please Google Willie's Perfect Chocolate.

Willie's Perfect Chocolate Christmas.

I think what you'll find is that he set up...

He set up.

The point is, he was a nice guy.

And he was having a big party for his friends and family.

And also,

does it even exist?

Willie Hardcore Coos.

yeah there you go here it is about the show chocolate enthusiast Willie Harcourt Coos is back to show everyone that when it comes to chocolate consumers deserve the best yeah and doesn't say anything about lamb

well and when it comes to lamb

some people deserve a standard of lamb anyway so basically

fire in the hole damp hei lamb seasoned in a Hessian sack on top of that fill it in Everyone basically, if I saw, actually, that is done the night before.

The next day, 24 hours later, people are starting to arrive.

There's a lot of anticipation.

And Willie, who's like an eccentric, but like, he's like, oh, what's he done now?

This is

mental.

And his wife was like, oh, there was a bit.

So the neighbours called the police because they looked at him disposing of a body.

So I was like, that's cool.

So he's like a

cookie cool guy.

And then the neighbours came around and basically the lamb was dug up.

It was quite sort of triumphant.

Um,

and it was, um, I'm almost certain the phrase falling off the bone would have been used.

And this, it was fucking nice.

Basically, it was fucking nice.

And it looked nice.

It looked nice.

Was it actually nice?

No way of knowing.

Was that the focus of the show?

No.

Did he really tell you how to do it?

No.

Had I briefly caught part of that show?

Yes.

Did I know Neil?

Yes.

Did Neil's sister live on a farm and could get us a lamb?

Yes.

Did we drive to the farm?

Yes.

Was it snowing when we drove to the farm?

Yes.

It was that night.

It was about 2009.

Uh-huh.

2009.

Yeah.

Three decades ago, if we're using that fucking football podcast rubric.

Yeah, I mean, don't get shitty about it.

You're the one who introduced that.

Well, I just think it's bollock.

I mean, I just, it's not.

The 90s is not four decades ago.

It's just over two decades ago.

Yeah, we established that.

2018.

So it's just stupid.

Depending on how it's going to be.

It's like it's a stupid, tricky thing to go.

It's like somebody going to me, like, next year you'll turn 38.

You don't need to say that.

Okay.

I know it's true.

That's That's not true.

I'm 36 now.

Sure.

So you're basically

getting another year.

You're speaking in two.

You're using a year in a different way.

Yeah, using year, yes, exactly.

Yes, exactly.

Thank you.

You're using year as a marker rather than a

exactly.

You're saying, yeah, like in a there's a there's a point of the year that comes after this one numerically where you'll actually be two years older.

But you, in, you know, if people might think you're two years older than you are now, even that isn't true.

Sure.

Okay.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, decades and time and age doesn't matter.

You can talk with a 50-year-old man.

Yeah, well, as I say, the point is, as I say,

you know, are you 50?

Yes, good.

Do I know your son?

Yes.

Johnny mates with the son?

No, only mates with you.

How old's your son?

My age.

Yeah.

I still choose you.

You chose him?

I chose him.

I didn't know it was a choice.

I played a situation.

Yeah.

Place an advert.

I didn't.

He's genuinely like, genuinely a good man.

A good man.

Yeah.

And

anyway, so we drive.

So

it was this snowstorm.

was a year it was probably 2009 it was snowing so badly that the rate we were moving at this was a year where i don't know if you remember like people were having to like overnight in their cars yeah because they were getting stuck even on quite big roads like the m2 yeah

for example for example yeah it's the biggest road i can think of yeah

can't think of one bigger than that

if you don't know what a big road is and me saying like the m2 also hasn't helped you i'm just gonna you're just gonna have to not understand that sure okay fine yeah yeah yeah We were driving to Neil's sister's farm.

But the rate we were going.

It was me, Neil, and also 50-year-old man.

I think his daughter

and also

maybe

her mate

of the people in the car had been briefed and told about where these perfect chops looked like.

One Neil.

Yeah, Neil,

the other two hadn't had that.

The other two were.

I think they were both there.

Anyway.

So you got the lamb as well.

We got the lamb.

So this was a fucking mission.

So basically, we were moving at the speed that, because it was so snowy, we're moving at the speed that Henry VIII moves at in Wolf Hall when he's like on horseback.

So like we got from Essex to Milton Keynes in about like five or six hours.

Like it was a day's, it was like a day's ride.

Yeah.

You know Wolf Hall where it's like after a hard day's riding they'd made it from Kent up to London.

What you're on about, they know what Wolf Hall is.

Oh,

not interested in the Book of Prize.

No reference points are all over the place, Joe.

We've had the Premier League, Wolf Hall, and Willie's Perfect Chocolate Christmas.

But also, as I've established, I'm only addressing myself.

So I know.

I know.

So basically, we were going at a kind of medieval pace, the pace where you'd have to stop to get fresh horses.

So that added an element to it that, for me, made it better.

You love.

Time with Neil, basically.

Yeah, yeah.

More time with the best mate.

Time's your best friend.

Got there, got the lamb.

Point is about a lamb is that it's not really a lamb, it's a massive, dead, young sheep.

Yes.

Okay,

so that goes in the back of the car.

Did it smell?

Yes.

What did it smell of?

Blood.

Yeah.

Did it kick up a bit?

Yes.

I can't remember whether it was.

So we overnighted.

I'm going to keep using the verb overnight.

We overnighted at his sister's farm.

Then we drove out the next day.

I think it was a bit of an easier journey back.

Now it came to bury the lamb.

The garden we chose to bury it in was not my parents' back garden.

Garden.

We buried it in a garden.

In a garden.

I thought you were doing it on the farm.

No, no, that was a guest.

No, no, no.

Because the point is about Willie is he's a village character.

So we had to come back to our village so we could invite.

Well, you had to be like Willie.

Yes.

You couldn't just eat the land.

You wanted the party like.

I mainly wanted to be like Willie.

I wanted to party like

it's 1999.

Like I'm Willie and it's 1999.

Yeah.

You don't just want to eat this.

You see it go on.

It's not really about the farm.

I'd love to talk about it.

It turns out I'm more interested in preparing food for other people actually.

It's about the display.

It's about the display.

It's about me having friends near.

So, whose garden did you bury it in?

We buried it in the so, as I say, not my back garden, not the back garden of the house that Neil,

he was literally a homeowner, lived in, but just the back garden of one of the other local mums who was like known to be a bit of a soft touch.

Like, she was, she was the

mum where

whenever there was a party with like

when we were at school, where it was just like 20 adolescent boys no girls which was the only party I ever went to it was always at her house yeah because it was like you don't even need to make a comparison I think we all know the old phrase yeah you know her she'd let you bury a lamb in her background

and his childfriend bury a lamb in her background

because they saw well he's perfect

so basically we um

I could see, I mean, when we arrived with the lamb, I think we were basically late with the lamb because of the snow.

We got there, my my brother was there.

Um, Giles was there.

Giles is the son

of the woman who was like, his mum was like

soft touch, soft touch.

He was, um, yeah.

Soft touch, yeah.

So they're there, ready to help you back.

Yeah, they're there.

So, Greg and Giles is there.

And we arrive, and the fire's lit.

The pit is ready.

The five done quite a lot.

They've done quite a lot.

They've done a lot.

They dug the pit for us.

They've dug the pit for us.

But Willie would dig his own pit.

I wasn't great.

I was pissed off.

I wanted to dig the pit as as well.

I wanted to, like, I was because we were late back from

the snow and everything.

And, like, they dug the pit, they'd lit the fire, and

then they were putting that hay on.

It seemed a bit wet, but there was like a steam coming up.

But I said, put that in.

Then we put the lamb in, buried it.

In a sack?

I think we did have a Hessian sack.

I think we genuinely did have a Hessian sack.

And it, you know, we'd put bits of rosemary in it and all the rest of it.

Probably garlic.

Yeah.

I mean,

just definitely we would have done.

Fucking definitely.

Yeah.

Buried it.

Came out the next day.

So now there's

Giles' mum.

Soft Touch.

Soft Touch is there.

Soft Touch is there.

Soft Touch Lamblady.

My mum's there.

Neil's wife is there.

Probably thinking Neil's spending a bit too much time

with

his young friend.

But they're burying a lamb.

My dad's job.

You're jealous of Neil's wife, of course.

Yeah, I'm like, what the fuck's she doing?

Why aren't you standing next to me?

I thought this was about us.

Why are you standing next to her?

Why are you standing next to her at the lamb function?

Yeah, sorry.

What's this conversation about?

Yeah.

Sorry, no, I don't mean to butt in.

Just what you're talking about.

Yeah.

Veg has been prepared, roasted veg.

Yeah.

A lot of anticipation.

I am basically like, I'm Willie.

Out we go.

Shout out to the lamb.

Like,

I can't see like obvious

smoke or steam, but like, it's fine.

We dig it up, peel back the Hessian sacking.

It's exactly the same.

It's exactly, it's just raw.

I mean, it's exactly the fucking same.

It's just like, hasn't changed.

It hasn't changed.

So anyway, we um

we get it out.

Neil is in pieces.

Neil's just literally like, we get it back into Elaine's kitchen.

With, sorry, Elaine is soft touch.

So I walked in away.

I was like, I won't use her name, but then in a way, we we just stopped calling her soft touch.

Anyway, I think Elaine went by.

So, weirdly, Elaine's also a vet, which is odd.

So, it's weird having this thing on the table, dead animal.

What I would say is: what's the difference between the lamb we got from the farm and the lamb that we've now dug up?

I'll tell you the difference.

Bits of the lamb we've now dug up literally stink of shit.

That is the difference between the lamb.

So, basically, in hindsight, there's three things I would suggest.

Um,

first of all, when they put the hay on, I was like, that hay isn't damp.

That's like what you'd put on a fire to put it out.

It was just

wet hay, yeah.

So they just put the fire on it.

Essentially, dug a fire, put it out.

Essentially, it was like, how do you raise the chicken?

Turn the oven on, heat up the oven to 200.

Actually, it'd probably 180.

Yeah.

Turn the oven off, put the chicken in.

That was basically what had happened.

Fire put out, lamb buried.

Two other facts.

Soft touch told us that

either the night before or maybe the following morning, quite a lot of the local squirrels and local pigeons had been just on the area immediately above the lamb, being like,

There's something going on here.

What is it?

There's something near that we're interested in.

What is it?

There's food somewhere.

What is it?

And then the third fact I'd say is that when we dug it up, one of Neil's sons said, it smells like museums.

which I assume means it smells like a mummy smells bad it smells bad does Neil's son also then say dad please come home dad please come home you finish hanging out with the Thomas boy he said first of all dad I'm glad you're still alive can you just we just want to know that you're safe

so is that your main course so sorry that's your main course a better a better version of that is there is a version of that that works maybe

well surely willy's one.

Okay, Willie's making it.

Willie's making it it's got these one.

Yeah, we can't have your lamb zombie as no, no,

no.

Well, you can't have something that

literally stinks of shit.

Probably.

Yeah.

So,

main course, Rose Lamb.

24-hour lamb.

Long story short, you want a rose lamb for your main course.

Had that lady who buried the salmon seen the TV show Willie's Perfect Chocolate Christmas?

No, I don't.

Why does he do that?

Does Willie do that on that?

I know him.

You know Willie?

Yeah.

Andy, this is huge for the podcast.

This is absolutely incredible.

I'm so glad I brought up the Joe Thomas episode.

And you know what?

Just now, when I said Sam Richards, don't text me now because I'm busy, she's the woman who made Willie's chocolate, Willie's Perfect Chocolate.

She's the producer of that programme.

What?

This is perfect.

That was me in my head going, I'm going to ask if someone saw Willie's Perfect Chocolate Christmas.

That's really good throw, Andy.

And you were like, oh, no, she didn't see that.

But the producer just messaged me.

And I know Willie.

His chocolate.

That's some really good chocolate he makes.

Right.

Did he bury something in that?

I don't remember that.

But what did he bury?

He buried a lamb, apparently.

However, he's talking to Joe Thomas.

He buried a lamb in Willie's Perfect Chocolate Christmas.

Will you only hang out with Willie if he's been in the fridge?

No,

because I'm not liable to try to snap him and eat a bit off.

So many questions right now.

Yeah.

What is Willie like, and how did you meet him?

Do you know what?

I actually, the first time I tried to meet him, I tried to meet him in Thailand because somebody said I was going to Thailand on my own.

They said, my mate, Will's there, you have to go and say hi to him.

And I got there and he'd already left.

And I was like, oh, that's a shame.

So I missed him.

And then when I came back to England, Sam, about two years later, was making this TV show, Willie's.

What's the whole series?

What was it called?

There was a whole series.

I can't remember, Willie's something.

And

said, oh, you must come and meet Will because you guys are going to get on like a house on fire.

Was I in one?

I can't remember whether we were in it or whether I just met him down there.

But so I met him down at his farm place with all his millions of children and his lovely wife.

And then occasionally I would see him in the Portobello Road.

Right.

Before the Portobello Road got really crap and boring.

And what kind of a guy is he?

What's his vibe?

He's lovely, quite posh, very nice.

He's good, he's funny, he's really into what he does.

He's really like, you know, he's one of because to do that, obviously, to suddenly start doing a sort of making a Peruvian chocolate business, you've got to be fairly obsessive.

So he's fairly obsessive about it, because he has to be, but he makes a really brilliant thing.

And I love it when people are like that, when they're just one thing is their life.

And that's what they're, you know, sort of their main focus is his children and the chocolate, I think.

That's going to solve so many, so many mysteries and questions on the podcast.

You should get him on.

Yeah, we should.

Do you want to do that?

We're going to absolutely get in Willie's contact details on you after this episode.

And we're going to try and get him on.

You should get him on.

We need to have Willie on.

I mean, it was funny.

You dig a massive hole.

I put lots of rocks inside the bottom.

Yeah.

and then built a mess when I say big fire it was six foot wide the pit six foot long at least and up to my chest filled it with rocks built a massive fire got it going it was pure embers almost level to the ground and then I had to pull out with a spade on a on a shovel on a long stick a lot of the coals yeah and then I stuck inside

the lamb I had branches of rosemary and big bunches of garlic which I smashed up and then I wrapped it in calco, which is a kind of canvasy white material.

And I was worried it was going to burn.

So I wet it all, wet the calco.

Very important to wet it, whatever.

And then I whacked in the lamb, and then I pushed in all the embers over it.

So I had a good, I suppose, a couple of feet of embers on top.

And then I put the earth on top, and it looked like I buried somebody.

Now, Joe, yours didn't go as well as that, did it?

Can you hit from Willie's description there?

Can you work out what went wrong with yours?

Yeah, I can.

I was, yeah, little bits and pieces were jumping out of me there.

Do you want to tell Willie how you did it?

Did you do the stage, Willie, where this was a stage that we added to your method as a slight improvement?

Where after you've lit the entire fire, you

and your brother and your brother's mates

basically just pour so much water on the fire that the fire just goes out.

And therefore, when you bury the lamb, there's not actually any heat at all.

Because that was the stage that we that was the the stage that we did were you drinking we weren't drinking no because uh he was hanging out with his mate's dad being very responsible

i've realized you were younger i was younger

how old were you joe no i'm 37 now so i was 27.

oh okay and just a quick reminder how old was your best friend

he's about

into his 50s

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What a wonderful story that was, James.

One for the ages.

Ah, it brings a tear to my eye.

But is that tear still or sparkling?

We've learned a lot about people from such a simple question, but even we were shocked by these two answers from Claudia Winkleman and Ovi Soko.

Still sparkling water, Claudia.

Um,

neither.

Thank you.

I don't.

I don't like or believe in it.

I don't, I won't have it.

I won't have it.

If you're walking towards my table and there's a water glass on there and you lean forward, tap or spark, you know, it's a solid no.

I've never knowingly had water.

I don't like it.

The whole thing is arrogant and smug.

There's just a whiff of check me out.

And I don't, I don't, I won't have it.

I won't have it around.

Claudia, you're...

You're sounding dangerously like one of those anti-face mask people at the moment.

I love, no, it's not true.

I love a face mask.

I'm always in a face mask, but I don't...

But then when people drink it, like my husband drinks water, great

amounts of water, and I really like him, but it is, it's problematic.

Don't touch me, Claude, take your bra off.

Don't think so.

That was disgusting.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

I'm a glugger.

I get all my, like, my day's water.

I'll just have it by the sink and glug it all down in big pint cups.

like when you open your throat yeah just pour it in like a raw egg in rocky like yes ah this is going down yeah why i mean am i an old prune sure sure sure but i'm never thirsty i've never been thirsty you know there are people who are thirsty i've never been i'm 48 i'm entirely made of spray tan i've never you know people like oh i'd do anything for a drink That's because they've gone down the route of giving their bodies liquid.

And so then they want more.

The key is none.

That's a really

interesting theory you've got there.

People are thirsty because they've drunk.

No, I don't know why people are thirsty.

Maybe they've been outside.

I don't go outside.

So sure, there are things that can make one thirsty, but I don't want water anywhere near me with its,

it's like yoga or hummus.

It's just all check, you know, look at me, look what I can do for you.

I'm not sure you can lump all those things together.

I think water has probably more of a backstory than yoga and hummus.

Listen, I know that water, my little one is doing the water cycle now, yada, yada.

You know, evaporation, precipitation, whatever.

I get it.

I like the sea.

I like looking at a river.

Do I want to drink it?

Do I want to ingest it?

Do I want to hear myself swallow?

It's a solid no.

So thank you, lovely water waiter, but it's

not here.

Not on my watch.

Move along.

I will accept that you don't want water.

That's fine.

Did I go in too hard?

It's because I'm

skimming over your reasoning a little bit too much at this point because

you are talking about water as if it's a fad, as if it's a new thing that people have got into that you think is ridiculous.

No, all right.

Can I expand on this?

You can, but also you're going to have to expand on the fact that you think the reasons that you don't like what you claim that you've never been thirsty and that the reason for that might be because you've never been outside and you never want to hear yourself.

I don't like water, which you think is limited to water at this point.

I think one gets warm and thirsty when they are either doing some form of movement, which I don't do, or they're outdoors, you know, and suddenly everyone's in the sun, they're wearing flip-flops, they're holding massive bottles of water at the size of my nine-year-old.

Oh, I'm so thirsty.

Do you want some?

Oh, we've got a straw.

Oh, yeah, it's made of bamboo.

I'm so thirsty.

I don't leave my bed, but if I did leave my bed, so I don't really build up a thirst.

You know what I mean?

That's A.

B, I don't like the taste of it.

Sparkling is too much of a shock, right?

Well, it isn't if you never drink water.

I can imagine it is a shock.

It's like a slap around the face of bubbles and liquid.

There's too much going on.

Oh my god, bubbles.

And then it comes out of people's noses.

I'm only guessing here.

And then,

or there's just pure water.

H2O.

Look at me.

How do you stay so beautiful?

Oh, I just drink water.

But I think this is James's point.

I'm glad we've talked about it for too long.

Well, no, not at all.

Whenever you characterise someone who drinks water, you do it like it's a hipster thing, like it's only started, you know, since 2010.

My parents don't drink water.

They're completely anti-it.

Right.

No, they're not completely anti-it.

I don't know if I've ever seen them.

Oh, my dad had a glass of water.

Yeah, the other day.

And I questioned him about it.

But

why?

Why would anyone see anyone else drinking a glass of water and go, a few questions?

All right, imagine you're on a date, right?

I mean,

I've been with the same man for 100 years, but imagine you're on a date.

You go in, he's all sort of twinkly and a little bit, you know, he's wearing a fisherman's sweater with some paint on it because sometimes he paints.

And he's sitting there and he's like, I don't know what to have.

What are you going to have?

Maybe we should have the same thing.

And somebody comes around and they go, would you like some water?

And he goes, yeah, sure.

And they give him like a pint glass of water and he drinks the whole thing.

Are you going to want to kiss this man?

Or more?

Are you going to what?

No.

Lovely white mouth.

A wet mouth with a big, fleshy tongue that's covered in liquid.

I want to like a dry, shriveled up little man.

I want to sleep with Mr.

Burns.

He doesn't drink water.

I want him at the table.

Oh, no, I won't have water.

and then just sits there and nibbles on some crusty bread

all right we come to your dream drink dream

drink yeah yeah

um i you know i i had a think about this one and and this one might be a bit on the boring side but i honestly i only drink water guys like i i genuinely genuinely

only drink like i drink water sometimes you know i'd have a i'd have a beer on a night out or something like that but yeah i love water man like it's your dream drink is water

that's my dream drink man that's my dream that's my dream you already have it you had sparkling water and now you're some

we can double it up with still you're doubling

up with still i'll take one of those um

uh those little sachets that you can get a touch of fruit in there just a touch of flavor in there and we're gonna your dream drink cleanse the palate let me get this straight your dream drink is still water

after still water after choosing spring water fresh fresh spring don't try and make yourself more exciting by saying it's fresh spring water that's that is way more exciting you can't taste the difference yeah there you go

can you taste the difference between spring water and and normal tea i think i can taste the difference probably yes

it's fresh

the best quencher this is what your body's made like your body's what 60 70 warm or whatever it is yeah you you need it, man.

A lot, yeah.

I bet you've never heard that one before.

No, there you go.

It's the first time.

I love that you thought this might be a bit on the boring side, and I was like, oh no, it's definitely not going to be.

He's just a bit worried that his drink.

Oh, no, it is, but it is, it's water.

He's picked water, is his drink.

There was a long pause that you left after saying it was going to be boring.

And I literally, in that pause, thought to myself, what's boring?

Water.

We're not going to pick water.

Maybe it's.

And I know you went, water.

Definitely.

Thanks, Ovie.

A wonderful drink to the sparkling water, sure.

But the king of drinks, as we all know, is Diet Cola.

Since the very beginning of this podcast, James has told the most boring story of all time about how he stopped drinking normal Coke and then started drinking Diet Coke and it tasted like normal coke to him.

He gets it into every episode record.

It very rarely makes the edit, but we will be playing one version of it here.

It's a partner nuncherler's.

Ed, do you want to tell a part of my Diet Coke story?

Yes, James stopped drinking all caffeine

a while ago.

Yes.

And then, including Diet Coke because that's got caffeine in it, of course.

And then after many years, he decided to start drinking Diet Coke again because he needed to wake himself up for something.

And because it had been so long since he drunk any Diet Coke or Coke, Diet Coke now just tastes like normal Coke to James.

Yes.

How's that for a life hack?

now was that story more exciting when ed told it

so i've told it i've told it many times on the podcast and it always gets nothing and the guests hate it i thought i would try it this time with ed telling it uh was it better I think because you told him to tell it, I thought there was some element of shame

for you.

Yes.

So I was automatically invested in it.

Right, yeah.

There's a bit more like, oh.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Something's going on here.

Should next time I tell it, should I add a more shameful element to it?

And then he drank Diet Coke again and he immediately shit his pants.

Yeah, I do think if someone gives you permission to tell their story, you have full license.

Yeah.

Clear from the facts.

You can do what they like.

Like Tim Burton remaking Planet of the Apes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Exactly.

Okay.

Well, he also, I liked your version of it, and it was nice, but I would say, just as some feedback,

you missed out you weren't as precise and specific about some details like yeah you said like james has cut out all caffeine but you didn't say like it was like how long ago it was it's 2013 or you i usually pinpoint it no i definitely made it less

it was five years later yeah it was fun you said some years went by it was five years later and then i started drinking because i bring sort of a natural element to the storytelling sure you know people don't care about dates and things like that you know i'm i'm more of an anecdotalist than james and he's more of a sort of science guy okay apana would you like to have a turn at telling the story

I know you've heard it once.

Yeah.

Okay.

But you can ask me.

I can try.

I can try.

Okay.

So,

James, you stopped drinking caffeine

at a time in your life when you really didn't want to be awake.

Yes.

And then

five years later,

all of your relationships started falling apart.

Professionally, you were off track.

So you decided you had to add some caffeine back to the mix and you went for Diet Coke.

The regular Coke was there for you, but you couldn't handle the impact.

Regular Coke at that point because you were weak from the lack of caffeine.

And so

now Diet Coke gives you the same kick from regular Coke.

And at this point, a regular Coke might, in fact, kill you.

That was the best anyone's ever told.

Quite easily, the best has ever been told.

Brilliant.

Loved it.

Couldn't have said it better myself, a partner.

Thank you.

Now, it often winds James up if his Diet Coke story gets cut out, and people have really cottoned on that winding James up is a very fun thing to do.

And we've got a list of clips here as long as your arm.

These bunch of punks.

We've selected from the bunch of punks Jem Brister, Ivo Graham, Terry Hatchett, David Cross, and Dolly Wilson.

So we arrive at your desserts.

Are you much of a dessert?

You are, aren't you?

I love them.

You love a pudding.

I...

Do you know what?

There are days where I'm like, I'm totally down for this, but mostly not bothered.

I don't, like, if we go out, if I go out for dinner, I never have a dessert.

I will have a dessert wine.

Yes.

Or I will have the cheese board.

More bread.

We are in.

Yes.

What are you about to do?

What kind of territory are we in?

What's your actual...

Oh my God.

I don't know.

This feels tense I don't know if this is coming across in the past what's your what's your choice what's your actual dessert you're choosing now

well I guess it'd be a cheese board

I'm sensing, I don't know where I'm getting this from, but I'm sensing some kind of competition here.

And I'm sensing, James, that you may have lost.

Oh, I've lost everything.

James, can't bear the idea of anyone not having a sweet thing for dessert and having a cheese board.

Oh, really?

And that's what

I do it on a regular basis.

So you wouldn't have one either.

We went out for lunch at Tom Carriage's restaurant, and I picked the cheese board, and James was genuinely angry with me.

What did you pick?

I sat here with you.

I'd asked you about your Itsuan.

I had fun of you, about Fizzy wines.

Oh man, I feel

like this is a really tricky one.

You opened up about my psoriasis

and you sit there and you choose a goddamn cheeseboard for dessert.

Jeannie, be quiet.

I want to talk to Jen about what cheeses she likes.

Okay, right.

What's on the cheeseboard, Jen?

I love

a mixture of the soft and the hard.

Excuse me, James.

So I would have like a really, I don't know, a really stinky

cambisola or something like that, or like a brie

or a camembert or something.

And then maybe like a harder cheese, like a grou, yeah?

Yes, nice.

I also quite like a cheddar bomber.

Oh, okay, nice.

Now, just in case the listener doesn't know what's going on, every time Jen mentions a cheese, James blows a raspberry like an orangutan.

And does something with his thumb.

Yeah.

Okay, and then, yeah, so I'd have a mixture of those.

Tell me, tell me, Jen.

Yeah.

You say you like a crew, yeah.

Have you dipped your toes into the waters of comte before?

I have, and I love a comte as well.

I love a comte.

I love a comte.

A little bit nutty.

Very nutty.

Yeah.

Very well-aged comte.

Yeah, very delicious.

But what I insist on

whilst the genie dry wretch is in the corner is that will there be enough crackers for the cheese?

Because there are never.

As many crackers as you like.

You can even.

I don't know if anyone.

There's only enough crackers if your kids haven't been at

the oat crackers.

They're not here.

That's the only way I can enjoy this meal.

They are.

Lucky.

Lucky for them they're not here.

I hate them to see their mother make such an awful decision.

And we arrive at your dessert.

The greatest dish of all.

I think I'm going to disappoint James with the dessert.

Because I do like desserts, but I just don't have desserts that often.

I don't like whether this is good.

And I don't feel good.

I feel great.

I told you we'd return to the Graham Hearth,

and we're back at my parents' house.

And

my mum will occasionally make some lovely crumbles, apple crumbles up there, really nice apple crumble.

But I think what I'm probably going to have is just a banana cut up in

Yeo Valley yogurt.

What?

What?

What?

I was almost stealing myself a cheese and biscuits and it's somehow worse.

A banana cut up in Yeo Valley Yoggett.

You absolute trash man.

You trash man with your trash family.

The Graham half.

The back of the Graham half.

What's going to be in the Graham half?

I

dropped a banana in a Yeo Valley yogurt.

Well, because my dad,

that's his favourite thing.

What?

What?

Who is he?

How is that his favourite thing?

Because my dad can't really,

he doesn't cook.

No!

That is clear.

He barely eats full of zona babies.

He doesn't barely eat.

He has a lovely.

So it's either that or putitifaloo.

I mean, petiti faloo.

What, one on its own?

A petit faloo on its own or with the chopped up banana.

No, no, no.

You use your

loads of different petitifalus all over the place.

No, no, no, there's no banana with the petit falo.

The The putty faloo is just on its own.

If we don't have banana, but we do have petit faloo.

Well, no, I'm 29 and my dad's 48, 58.

It doesn't matter.

He...

So, but so it's his...

Usually,

you know,

it'll be my mum or increasingly my brother who cooks a lot, who'll put a lot of effort into a big mane, usually a lovely carbonara, and then pudding will be a bit of a bits and bobs afterthought.

So there will be some cheese and biscuits, some grapes, but my dad's very, and his sort of eyes light up

and he says,

you wouldn't shop a banana into some yogurt for me, would you?

And I would say, no, I wouldn't.

But now I'm afraid

I've spent the last two decades of my life drinking that gulp.

The cratchets, Bob Cratchet, you found me on Christmas Day.

Can you put brown sugar on,

if that's one of your tobacco?

Brown sugar elevates it slightly.

And also

you watch the brown sugar sort of dissolve in such a lovely golden way.

So I'm aware of how brown sugar sinks into a yogurt.

It looks aware.

I'm familiar with that visual.

And it does not save any of this.

And a bit of squeezy honey.

As well.

Okay.

Fine.

So you know we're coming.

Squeezy honey and brown sugar just made it better.

But like, still, this is the absolutely...

Also, Yo Valley makes me angrier.

Well, it doesn't have to be Yo Valley.

But maybe it's a Greek.

And having some brown sugar and honey in it to...

Why are you even bothering it?

Because I think that's that's a way your dad asked the reaction this was gonna get the way your dad asks for it as well.

Oh, you wouldn't mind chopping up a banana in the middle.

No, no, no, he doesn't say that.

He says,

he says, you know what I like.

And

everyone goes, yes, the most boring thing in the world.

No, it's not the most boring thing in the world.

It's something sort of simple and rustic about it.

And from a very young age, I was able, as a man,

I knew some of those simple things.

I could hit you in the face, you were Tony and Oxford graduate.

I knew something I could do that could make my dad happy, and that was to cut banana into some yo value yogurt and sprinkle some brown or muscovado sugar on top.

And

I'd have it as well, and everyone else would scoff much as much as you have.

But

it's basically my dad, particularly when

he's spending like, my mum's not around for whatever reason, will live very much like a

divorced man who's got no idea how to defend for himself.

So he'll have beans on toast, and he'll have banana yogurt for pudding, and

and those are two of my favourite things

well of course we've got two two alumni of the Great British Bake Off sat in front of us it sounds like we had very different experiences yeah

James do you want to talk Terry through what happened oh and yeah I'd call it an experience

I was

I was just very jet-lagged at the time.

I just came back from here actually.

Okay.

And Terry, did you travel from here?

Yeah, I traveled from here, so I'm not quite sure.

I travel from here, so I'm not quite sure.

Yes.

But go ahead.

I'm not trying to show you up right now.

I probably did a different route back.

Right, okay, yeah, yeah.

You took the long way around, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, and I had what I think is commonly just, I think this is a bacon term, but what is referred to as a waking nightmare.

And

everything fell apart.

My flapjacks were just like a porridgey mess.

I had to do a cream horn for the technical, which is I think a bit too hard for the technical.

I think technical is my own.

We had a cream pie.

Yeah.

Yeah.

How did that go?

How did you do on that?

I finished mine and helped other people.

Well,

I know.

I did neither of those things.

Yeah, Alan Carr didn't know how to make custard, so I helped him make his custard.

And then one of the other girls had an issue with her hand, so she couldn't pipe her whipped cream, so I went and did that because I was finished.

Wow.

Wow.

That's how you do it, Joe.

I don't know how you did that.

I couldn't even think in like normal...

My brain was all over the place.

No, I will say the technical is hard.

It's hard because

the way it works with

the directions, the very minimal directions they give, if you don't know what you're doing, it doesn't tell you.

What to do.

So you're right.

Like, if you don't know how to do it, it's not there.

And that makes it very hard they knew what they were doing with us they just completely gave very little direction cream horns like pastry and like

creme pat that's a lot of stuff going on there so you had to make the custard and then you had to pipe you had to make the corn and then you had to pipe it in yeah yeah and like i couldn't do anything no that sounds like it all fell apart that sounds like a lot and then the next day i had to make my uh make my special place out of uh out of oh it's meant to be i guess like cake and stuff but I just did it with sweets.

Oh meringue, that was it.

Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, but I had to make I ran my mouth off and told him I could make a theme park out of meringue, but I couldn't

go well either.

It went so badly, Terry, that he became a meme.

Really?

Meme?

Wow.

That's how badly it went.

He became known as the worst baker in bake off history, and that's including that's not just a celeb one, that's like all of them.

Oh, I'm sorry.

That's not good.

It was the best day of my life, Terry.

Oh, he had a good time.

I had a great great day.

Did you like the show before, though?

I mean, is that why, yeah.

I've not watched an episode since.

Where it's like trauma, like PTSD, you can't do it.

I'd not be able to watch it.

I was such a huge fan.

And this was back a couple of years ago, at least.

And I think I was one of the first people in the States to be a huge, huge fan.

Because when

the offer came to me to do the thing for charity,

it sort of got got came to me in a way of like, you probably don't want to do this, but here's this thing.

And I was like, what?

Of course I want to do it.

Oh my God.

And I went over there with two big suitcases packed full of 30 pounds worth of flour and all my own tools and all my flour.

Yeah.

How did that look at customs?

I know.

I was sweating it out on the plane.

I thought I am completely getting arrested for this.

Unmarked bags.

But the producer called me like the day before I was supposed to leave and she said, you know, it just really dawned on me that our flour is different than your flour.

And if you've been practicing with this stuff, like it might not work with what we have here so you better bring so i brought my own you better food color dye i brought my own yeah i brought a lot of stuff

yeah i feel like you really prepared for it as well i did

i might have been doing it with different flour

that was your problem yeah at home when you practiced when i made my flap jacks did you practice at home once yeah i had one run-through with my sister it was easy because your sister did it yes

but it looked very easy when i watched her doing it.

I thought, this is going to be great.

I'm going to nail this.

Wasn't it pretty, though, the tent and the whole thing?

Like,

no, okay.

I just kept saying, I can't believe I'm in this tent.

I can't believe I'm in this tent.

I really love that.

I said that as well, but not in that tone.

Also, when I did it, it was a very cold day.

I don't know what the weather was.

Yeah, it was cold.

Yeah, so I was cold and rainy and stop trying to make excuses.

Terry also flew from LA.

It was also a cold day.

She finished and

wasn't cold, yeah.

She probably could have finished and then come to your episode as well and helped you.

That would have been good.

I would next time.

If you ever feel like you want to confront your fears or whatever, I could be your sous chef.

Yeah, oh, that would be good.

That'd be quite the team, actually.

Like the worst and the best who have ever done it.

I think team up together.

I think the team is probably stretching the term.

You just didn't.

You just didn't practice.

I bet you would.

Yeah, I didn't practice.

And, you know, oh, so many things.

I guess, you know, cream pie is a bit easier than cream pork.

I agree.

You know, it's hard to do.

I think you're right.

I think you're right.

What did you do for your Showstopper?

So we had to do

a rainbow cake, and

it had to have at least six layers that represented all the colors.

Wow.

And it had to be at least two tiers.

But so then I did 12 tiers.

It's always overachiever.

So I I did

the bottom layer I did with the cake being the rainbow, all the different six colors.

And then the top layer I did a white cake and I made lemon curd as the filling between the layers, but I changed the color so that the curd was all the different colors.

So that when you cut into it, it was white cake with the rainbow in the filling, and then the bottom was

rainbow cake with white filling.

Absolutely incredible.

I iced an egg.

I piped some icing

onto an egg so it looked like Sandy Toxvig.

That's what I did.

Yeah.

I'm a sweet, savory guy.

Okay,

I can work with that.

That's good to know.

When

it comes to dessert, almost every single time, either I don't have dessert or we'll get the cheese plate.

Yes.

I'm a cheese man.

Fuggin hell.

The moment I met you, David Crosser, I knew you were one of my people.

This is incredible.

Fuck you, David Cross.

I quit.

So

is that what you're selecting, David?

Are you selecting the cheese plate for your dream meal?

No.

Yes!

I'm not going to select it.

God bless America.

I'm going to say, you know what?

I've got, I'm just going to use logic here.

Yeah.

I have enough room for dessert.

I don't need a whole lot of dessert.

And dessert's usually, you know, slice of pie or whatever it is.

But I do have some room for dessert.

And rather than the cheese plate,

because then I'd have to switch to wine.

Yeah.

And I've had too much beer at this point.

I mean,

I mean, we're at like seven pints at this point.

And so I don't want to switch to wine.

So forget the cheese.

So I'm going to have some more poutine.

Yes.

This is great.

Oh, I thought I was safe.

I thought, oh, it's okay.

For a minute there,

for a minute there, I felt like when at the Oscars when they said La La Land one.

And I was like, no, it was like, yeah.

But now it's like they went, La La Land one.

Oh, no, sorry.

We made a mistake.

La La Land one.

What was great about that is the look of glee on David's face when he said that.

A, because he knew it was going to upset James, and B, because just the idea of just, oh, more poutine, please.

Book ended it with poutine.

I think that's a wonderful choice.

You know, comes full circle.

Yeah.

We come to the dessert.

Very exciting.

The headliner of the meal for a reason is the best.

Not for me.

So if I'm hungover and I want to get the £12

cheesecake slice, that's the only time I'll ever have a real hankering for sweet stuff.

I haven't got that much for sweet tooth.

So if I may, am I allowed to have cheese instead of pudding?

Yes.

Oh no.

He's left.

James has left the Zoom call.

He's literally left.

For loyal listeners, you will know what happens when people order cheese.

It's the first time it's happened on a Zoom episode and I wondered what might have happened and he simply left the Zoom call.

This is an order that has made him scream in an elected MP's face before.

Okay, we've just taken a quick pause there just to explain what happened.

When Dolly picked her cheese for dessert, which is perfectly reasonable to have for a dessert, James got really angry, slammed his laptop to leave the Zoom.

and messed up the recording.

So we've had to come to another

website to record the rest of the podcast because James ruined the whole recording by being a little angry boy and

getting all pissy about cheese, didn't you, mate?

No regrets.

Don't regret.

Stand by it.

Completely stand by it.

You're lucky that I bothered to reopen the laptop.

I didn't throw the laptop out the window.

Also, I really like, I like when you can really cost out the price of a joke.

The cost of that physical gag, I think, was totally worth it.

Yeah.

And also, you call it a joke, but I think he's quite serious.

He also normally gets to shout at the guests and he gets to get all that anger and aggression out towards the cheese.

But now he's

slammed the laptop and you can still see he's seething.

It's bubbling away there.

Yeah.

Well, I thought by slamming the laptop, I didn't have to listen to

the awful chat that now has to follow.

Dolly lists a bunch of disgusting cheese and biscuits that she wants instead of a delicious pudding.

But now I have to still listen to this bit.

Oh, James, you didn't play it cool that day, did you?

Those people.

I do not regret shutting my laptop on Dolly Alderton.

She absolutely deserved it.

And all those people, by the way, now have IBS.

Thank you, Sarah Millikan.

I don't get wound up as often, James, but when I do, oh boy, I flip my lid.

So let's hear a couple of clips now from a couple of people winding me up.

But I'll let you in on a secret.

Sometimes it's you two that wind me up.

Me and the benegorgon proud here's diane morgan and hari kondabolu ed you deserve everything you get

starter diane yeah all right so first thing i don't believe in starters oh no I never

I never never have a starter.

What is the point in starters?

Just give me my main meal.

Oh, a point of a starter.

Well, how about a bonus mini main before the main main?

No, no.

No, point less.

It's just

more ways of getting money out of you, isn't it?

Yeah, it's a Swizz.

It's a Swizz.

You can't.

Do you want a smaller meal before the

you actually want?

No.

You're the one who's just eating marmalade on a poppadub.

Yeah.

To be fair, that was weird.

You forced me into it, though.

I didn't actually want it.

You said you were a shredheaded.

You ate the whole poppadub before the barbalade on it.

So anyway, no starter for me.

Thank you.

No, it's a pass.

It's another pass.

Greg Davis did this.

Also, here's what might interest you, because I'm getting the heebie jeebies now.

You might be able to see I've got goosebumps and my hairs are standing on end.

Greg Davis chose poppadoms.

Greg Davis said that his favourite...

thing to have pop-doms with was lime pickle and that he loves lime pickle to the extent that he complained that his local curry house has stopped doing lime pickle and they put it back on the menu and called it greg's pickle afterwards after the podcast had gone gone out and he also said pass on the starter yes he's the only person to have done that you are the second person to have done it yes and you like the lime pickle but this is very exciting that's amazing I think you really get on

what do you do though on a night if you're eating out with people and everyone else orders a starter what do you do don't have a starter so you just sit there while everyone else eats their starter yep oh yeah how do you like that i try and persuade them not to have a starter oh you're the worst diane doesn't have to worry about passing the starter and everyone else having their starter.

She'd be chatting to Greg Davis.

They're both not having starters together.

Probably splitting a jar of lime pickle together.

But surely has there ever been a starter on a menu that you've thought, oh, actually.

Yeah, I have.

I have.

Actually, sometimes the starters are nicer than the mains, aren't they?

So I'll have two starters instead of the main.

What is this?

It absolutely flipped around.

No, I thought I'd flipped her around and then she came back and said she'd have two starters instead of a main.

You do your own kind of like impromptu tapas.

You change the restaurant.

Yeah, I won't be sort of, you know, pushed into having a starter.

Am I right in thinking we are just passing on the start and going straight to the main course?

Yes.

It's always so disappointing.

Don't you think it's the way that life's going now, isn't it?

Everyone's getting so greedy for stuff.

No, it's not funny, Ed.

Am I allowed to take a bite out of this rugula that you have brought?

Yes.

Is that what that is?

Yes, I bought it along with me, Ed.

I got it from Rustin and Daughters.

Must Rustin Daughters.

Less said about that, the better, James.

And you knew I wanted to go there and you went there without me.

It's chocolate.

And what is that?

Ed, we can go together.

I don't want to go with you.

I'm going by myself.

That seems to be the way people do things around here.

Oh, Ed.

I'm going to go and get a bagel by myself, and then I'm going to eat some Tody's Choco Lonely.

Oh, no.

Eddie Choco Lonely.

Eddie bagel lonely.

Eddie bagel lonely.

I'm not organising any more food trips during this.

I'm not choosing any more restaurants for all of us together.

I'm only going to places by myself for a long time.

A single bagel.

Well, it's a single bagel that you knew I wanted.

You could have had it.

We want to go again with you.

Well, bad luck.

Why?

You will not be getting my list of restaurants that I was planning on.

I don't understand.

I'm going by myself.

But can't we?

We can be with you.

Like, do you have to be there when we have it for the first time?

Yes.

Oh.

Because we're here together.

I will say Terrace Bagels, which is a block away from here, is fantastic.

If you do it.

Is it better than Russ and Daughters?

I can't tell you.

I don't know.

Why did all your friends go to Russ and Daughters without you as well?

Isn't Russ and Daughters a chain?

Yeah, there's a few of them around New York.

No, they've been to all of them.

They probably went yesterday.

No, we've just been to one.

Me and Benito went to one.

We had to leave earlier than Ed.

You didn't have to?

We thought, you know, oh, we were hungry.

Benito was like, I'm so hungry.

And we're like, let's look for a place.

And we're like, oh, there's a Russ and Daughters right there.

So we just went, we just looked on the maps and then we just thought, we'll just go there and get one.

And you knew, as soon as you made that decision, I bet someone said, Ed'll be annoyed if we go there without him.

No,

we didn't say that, we didn't think that that would happen.

You should know me better.

We thought it would be okay.

Sorry, Harry, I don't like that you have to witness it.

Oh, Eddie Bagel lonely.

What is this?

It's arugula.

But what does that mean?

It's, isn't it?

I thought arugula was rocking.

Yeah, that's arugula.

This is uh

R-U-G-E-L-A-C-H.

Is that right?

R-E-G-E-L-A-C-H.

That's right.

Correct.

Five points to Hari.

Isn't it?

It's like a Jewish

cookie, right?

Yeah, it's like a little like, it's like a Jewish Swiss roll.

It's lovely.

From what I can see.

It does look very nice.

It's very nice, filled with chocolate, raspberry, apricot, depending on different ones there.

It's an assorted one.

Pastry that goes round in the spiral.

I'm very hungry, of course, because I haven't eaten today.

Oh, dear.

You'll be happy to know that the next day I went went out and got one of those bagels and I bought James and Benito one in an act of what I like to call passive aggressive kindness.

Yep, and guess what?

We just liked the bagels and that was it.

He thought we were gonna feel bad because we hadn't invited him the day before.

But all that happened was we got two bagels and Ed paid for one of them.

Yeah.

About $18, ridiculous.

It was brilliant.

I love it.

I love it in Russ and Daughters when you see the man slicing up the salmon in front of you.

Even that is like a delicious mini meal before the main meal that's what i like to call uh some things it's a no that's what i call a starter don't you

you're all winding me up as much as richard herring wound us up oh i remember richard herring winding us up the whole time richard herring was so ridiculous on that episode that one of my girlfriend's friends genuinely said to her that she felt sorry for us in that episode because a competition winner from the public had got on and didn't understand how the show worked but it was actually a professional comic named richard heron let's hear hear from the professional comic Richard Herring.

I don't want to eat anything I can eat, you know, now.

Yes, and this is something I would, this again, this is something from my past that is genuinely my favorite dessert, and you won't know what it is because it's uh, it's it's called Bella's Pudding, and it's named it's named after

my grandma's friend, who's called Bella, not pudding, Bella.

She made

she was called Bella Pudding.

She made a

now,

I didn't like the top part of it.

The top part was like meringue that you get on lemon meringue pie.

I wasn't that bothered about it, right?

But the bottom bit, the bottom part of it.

You didn't like the top part of it.

What are you doing, Richard?

I didn't really,

but the bottom part.

In every course so far, there's been a bit that you don't want to eat of it.

You sometimes have to put up with something you don't want to get to the thing that you really love.

Not in your dream meal!

You do.

Well,

I could say don't put the marang on top.

But it was this like set caramel dessert.

Like I got a, not quite a mousse.

I can't even describe what it is.

My grandma could make it.

Bella presumably could make it.

I never met Bella.

So my pudding comes in three parts, but all parts are Bella's pudding.

I would like to have a Bella's pudding made by Bella, which I never got to taste to see how my grandma did.

I would like a Bella's pudding made by my grandma, which is the most delicious pudding I've ever eaten.

If you scooped up the pudding

and just ate the

really nice set caramel, just I love caramel, but it was just incredible.

And I'd like the attempt that my mum and my sister did after my grandma was no longer making it, which wasn't anywhere near as good.

And I'd like to taste all three blind-tasted and work out and be able to identify which was which.

It reminds me of my grandma, who's no longer with with us.

And it was a unique and amazing dessert.

And

I like ice cream, especially.

I love caramel stuff.

And it was this just amazing, like cooked caramel, I think.

Because it had meringue on the top, so it must have been cooked somehow.

Was it like a creme caramel?

Was it like a wobbly kind of, or was it like a toffeed cinder block?

What are you talking about?

It was it was somewhere, it wasn't like,

creme caramel is one of my least favourite desserts because I don't like the texture of it so it wasn't that kind of that sort of weird texture that you get with creme caramel it was more like a mousse but it was not quite it was sort of set but you know you put a spoon in and you wouldn't you didn't have to dig it would come so it was mousse like but

set like a like a sea it wasn't there was there wasn't bubbles in it I don't think I think it was just this brown caramel.

Again, I don't really remember much about it.

That's why I would like to have it again.

Yeah.

So two of your courses so far you've demanded different versions of the same thing to test to see which is the best one.

Look, I'm gonna make the most of this opportunity.

Do you not listen to the thing I said about Desert Island discs?

I have the opportunity to travel in time, to get meals that I've forgotten about, to get meals that I know I will never taste again.

And people on here choosing bloody pizzas and McDonald's and Nando's.

No, Bella's pudding.

Who else has chosen Bella's pudding?

No one.

Thanks, Richard.

So many great stories, anecdotes, and food-based revelations have been on the podcast, James, and those are my words.

Yes, I even taught everyone about the origin of crisps.

I'm a very wise and learned man.

So, here, with some great stories, anecdotes, and food-based revelations, is Sam Carter, Susie Essman, Amy Hoggart, Michael McKean, Russell Howard, Rosheen Connerty, Romesh Ranganathan, and myself.

James, The Origin of Crisps Acastor, talking to Catherine Cohen.

I used to hate sparkling water.

I used to despise it.

When we were touring in Europe when we were younger, I was not about it at all, but it was just all that they seemed to have.

So you'd be on stage and be like, oh, I'm so thirsty.

You go and pick up a big bottle of water, go to down it, and be like, whoa, what's happening here?

Not on stage.

You'd be burping and worse.

Terrible, terrible to quench a thirst.

Yeah.

But now, over the last two, three years, I think, yeah, I've got really into sparkling.

Would burps quite help, though, in metal voting?

Maybe, that's a new start.

I was listening to,

I'll now get the name wrong.

Thurgoffin.

Thurgoffin.

How are you spelling that?

It's a funeral doom.

So T-H-E-R.

Oh, yeah, you told me.

T-H-O-N.

Right, yeah.

Thurgoffin.

Yeah.

Amazing album, but he does sound like he's burping.

A lot of that black metal.

there is a real sort of low sort of like it sort of sounds like they're not really making much of an effort yeah or they're really sad about the fact that they have to sing like that it sounds like he's doing that thing we used to see how long you could go uh yeah yeah mayhem are like that there's a band called mayhem that just sound like the singers burping yeah like really nasty I've only done a little bit of baking recently, but you've got to leave it until it's then twice the size and you're trying to walk.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let it rise, which is kind of fun, because then you get to beat it.

Yeah.

You get to beat the crap out of a thing of dough, which is fun.

Would you think about anything in particular while you were beating up the dough?

It depends.

You know, I get asked this question a lot about, you know, how I work up my anger for my character, for Susie Green on curve.

And there's always, now my trigger's so easy, you know, because I have this asshole in chief here that I could just use him.

But, you know, there's always something.

I mean, I brought up teenagers.

There was always something.

Yeah.

Is it, you know.

I was then thinking about who the asshole in chief was.

I was like, oh, yeah, it's Donald Trump.

But we don't say his name.

For a while, I was like,

Larry seems like a nice person.

No, it's not Larry.

It's not Larry.

I love Larry.

Larry's one of my best friends.

I love him.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So do you find that you find the character easier to access now?

She's always been easy to access for me because it's so much fun.

Yeah.

You know, you just scream and yell and tell everybody to go fuck themselves.

I show up to set, you know, they fly me to LA.

The other thing about when you're on set, they feed you all day.

Yeah.

You know, this craft service, you know what craft service is.

It's just like deliciousness all day long and choices and then catering.

We always have a great caterer.

And I love when you don't have to think about your food when it's just provided for you.

Because to me, every night is like, all right, what are we going to do for dinner?

It's like the stress and the anxiety of it.

And when I had kids at home and the meal prep, and now they're all in their late 20s and they all, you know, live on their own.

But they come home and it's, what are we doing for dinner?

What am I?

The meal preparer?

for the rest of your life i have to prepare your meals you figure it out here's money go to the store do we talk an amuse bush yeah go on

wang over absolutely and what is it this time jam peas in a pod peas in a pod oh nice i love peas yeah better remember that for all the food stuff in a minute do you love peasy loves peas one day um I ate mushy peas three times and then I had peas for dinner.

On my watch on my way back from a festival.

No one could believe it.

On your way back from a festival?

Yeah.

Like I ate mushy peas at the festival.

So they served mushy peas at the festival.

Yeah, it was like a you know breakfast thing.

Yeah.

Breakfast.

I don't know.

I can't explain it, but I ordered it.

And then we went on like a ferry or something.

It was on the Isle of Wight.

Went on a ferry and then mushy peas.

On the ferry, I had some.

And then we got to a service station and I thought it would be funny to get them again just to make my friends laugh.

And then when I got back, mum had made peas for dinner.

Just peas.

With other stuff.

Yeah.

I mean, that is incredible.

It's a lot of fun.

And you were, just to think, Amy, you were worried about coming on the food podcast because you didn't think you had enough food-based material.

The first food that's mentioned, you've got a whole anecdote about it.

A whole anecdote at the time you ate loads of mushy peas and then peas.

Yeah, that's my only food story.

Well, thanks for coming on the podcast.

I'll expand on it.

Thank you.

Thanks for having me.

Very exciting.

James has only started doing the amuse bouches recently.

I really like it.

It went very well from my perspective.

Every time he does it now, I can see him suggest the amuse bouche and then panic because he's not thought of what it's going to be.

Did you have it pre-planned?

No.

Oh,

I did not know I was going to say peas in a pod, so it was amused even to me.

I was amused by it.

You were amused by it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But worked out quite nicely.

Did it work out well from an anecdote perspective?

Yeah, straight into the mushype's anecdote.

I so, I mean, you needn't say mushy peas.

Now, that being a moose bouche, I really, really, really like.

Yeah.

You love them.

But I just tweaked it a bit.

I wouldn't have thought

that you would like mushy peas.

Why?

Because...

Amy's immediately on the offensive.

She's really confused.

I mean, we don't know each other very well, obviously.

That's true.

You and Ed, brother and sister, it's fine.

But I.

Obviously.

I don't really know you very well.

So I just had...

But when I've been around you and you've been eating food and talking about food and talking about your day-to-day routine, it sounds very healthy.

Right.

And so mushy peas is what I would not...

I would not regard it as that, but I guess it's a bit of a...

It is a healthy food that you've you've kind of cheated and made it it looks like it's unhealthy but it's actually quite healthy I don't know if it's healthy I mean it's peas but like they add stuff they add stuff but I don't even know if it is it peas because sometimes it's like I have two I've just realized I've got two more mushy peas adding

yes

oh it's even possible you know Edinburgh Fringe Festival yes

I find it very stressful very stressful because it's an unpleasant time yeah

and so one thing that got me through the last two years was if I couldn't sleep in the night or whatever,

I would get up.

Maybe just any time of day, actually, or night.

If I was stressed, I would comfort eat mushroom peas out of a tin from little.

And I would eat them.

Out of the tin, cold.

Cold.

And that would relax you, would it?

With salt.

So if you were a bit sad, you'd eat mushroom peas out of a tin and that would make you feel okay about your life.

It would have made me feel better.

No, no, no, no.

That would have really been.

It would probably happen like a few times, but one of my friends came up in London just because I was struggling.

and I said this is my weird habit one of them and she

she did it too and she really liked it so you dragged your friends down with you up yeah

you inspired her yeah so she wasn't like oh my god I do that too no she said that's rough but I'll do it with you like you know we're in this together and then she liked it Joanna

Joanna Fleck Joanna Fleck just does whatever you say she came up from London because you were having a bad time yeah so she just dropped everything and came to London and came to Edinburgh she really loves and then she ate some mushy peas with you because you were doing it.

Yeah.

I don't really do that anymore.

Right, so that's anecdote number one.

That's number two from the Promise Three

Mushy Peas anecdotes.

Yeah, the other one's actually quite sad.

I don't know whether to tell it, but it was when I moved.

The last one was sad, by the way.

All three have been.

I'd say the first one wasn't happy.

No, I like the first one because you were eating it to make your friends laugh.

You were trying to make your friends laugh.

Was Joanna Fleck one of your friends on the trip from the Isle of Wight?

Oh, yeah.

She was.

that's good to hear, though, because otherwise, I would have hated her.

Tell her why.

She wasn't there.

Oh, she wasn't there.

Oh, okay.

Back to sadness again.

Flex on your amount for the bad size.

That's what's sad.

You don't evolve fleck when you're having a laugh.

No, she doesn't get good, Amy.

So, mushy pee anecdote number three.

It's sad.

When I moved to the States, I was really worried about it because I didn't really want to come.

Sorry, America.

And my boyfriend at the time was trying to be caring and sweet.

So he made me mushy peas.

But

it was just like peas and cream.

What?

Which is not mushy peas.

So the one I remembered it was because you said it's healthy.

It's creamy peas.

It reminds me of the far show, teasing peas,

which I wouldn't eat.

No, no.

And

but I didn't have any food the next day, so all I ate was creamy peas.

Oh, is he did it?

He did eat the house.

Gary Goodrow took me.

I said, what's a good place to eat around here?

He says, okay, well, I'm going to take you to Ken Shopson's restaurant.

It's called Shopson's.

He says, you're going to like it.

It doesn't even look like a restaurant, and it doesn't say restaurant anywhere.

It says Shopson's General Store, Groceries.

What?

Because that's what it was.

It was a little corner store in Greenwich Village.

So he took me there, and this menu was insane.

The guy who runs the place, Kenny Shopson, was a real amazing character.

This big guy, always wore a headband, always had a t-shirt that looked like it hadn't been changed in decades.

is this

kitchen much smaller about half the size of the room we're in so it was like it was a phone booth and the menu had something like 300 items on it and no one knew how he did it but he came up with stuff so I'd scanned this and I said oh my god cashew tomato cream soup and I had it was like the best soup I'd ever had in my life and it had it had cabbage in it I don't like cabbage but it was delicious it was insane so I got that every time I went there every time I went there there.

And so it got to be where, you know, Kenny would say, he'd see me come.

Hey, Mikey, sit down.

He'd say, are you going to have this?

I say, yeah, I'm going to have the soup.

So one day I ordered the soup and he says, I'm not going to make it for you.

I'm tired of making you the soup.

I'm going to make you something else.

No, Kenny, I'm going to make you something else.

It's freezing outside.

I'm going to make you something.

I'm going to get you a turkey sandwich.

I said, I get a turkey sandwich anywhere.

And he says, all right, if it's not the best turkey sandwich you ever had, you don't have to pay for it.

It was easily the best turkey sandwich I've ever had.

This guy was amazing

i would also have my nan there i'd bring her back with all her lovely psoriasis

and me and her would make flapjacks because it's a thing we used to do when we were kids when i was a kid not her

and um we'd make flapjacks together it was like this weird thing we did um and then we'd put them in the bin because we didn't really like flapjacks and

genuinely did this and it used to drive my mum insane like she just

couldn't get her head around it did you just just say yeah you and your grandmother used to make flapjacks together and then put them in the bin yeah yeah just it was so much fun like i don't know where it started this weird weird tradition of like just it go put them in the bin and just we we'd show it to mum and she'd watch us doing it and just going this is getting ridiculous now it's just this lovely little game we had um at any point did you did you think we like cooking together let's make something we like we liked the anger it produced from my mum more than we did the cooking.

We cooked to get to the

exasperation.

Yes.

Because we knew that in about an hour and a half's time, we were going to see my mum eat from a bin.

That's the game we were playing.

My big television idea.

Bearing in mind, you have a very successful sitcom already, Roshine.

This is your big television idea.

It's called Animals Meeting Animals.

And it's just animals who wouldn't have met other animals.

And we just watched them meet.

Four hours on a Sunday, if you're hungover and you just watch a horse meet an owl, you watch a donkey meet a fish.

You just watch, you bring them to places that they wouldn't have met.

And a mouse meeting a bat.

Yes, I want to get up for that.

Thanks.

A donkey meeting a fish.

No, maybe not a fish, but like a dolphin.

Also,

you gave examples of animals that could quite possibly meet.

A horse meeting an owl.

That completely makes sense.

Being in the same, meeting each other, probably, okay, a rabbit meeting a uh

goat but like meeting each other

that's still that's still gonna happen a bear meeting a

uh a bear meeting a sheep yeah sheep's dead the end of that episode is that the sheep is absolutely dead and the bear is destroying it's the problem why i haven't actually made this show is because i because of the death

you don't have a bunch of dolphins pushing around a donkey corpse in the water just passing a donkey between themselves as it floats slowly on the top of the surface.

A tiger meeting a...

I feel like I've got a pitch meeting and it's gone really quite.

Yeah, but you stop stop stop naming predators.

Stop going a tiger.

Learn from the bear thing.

Okay, a bear.

No, not a bear.

Okay.

A rabbit meeting a lamb.

Yeah, that sounds nice.

Right.

But eat they could meet in the field though yeah but you know we haven't seen it i haven't seen it i presume they do meet i'm just saying let's capture this let's see them meet and see them going i just want to see the first time a lamb's like what's that

um i um i really love the vegan doughnuts from crosstown donuts now i don't know if you tried this

They're pretty phenomenal.

That's one of the places where

I would opt for the vegan choice probably anyway because it's just as good if not better.

They are so delicious man.

You know like they've got the because sometimes with doughnuts the sweet filling plus the sweet dough is too much but crosstown donuts they do this thing where they'll put like

rhubarb in the center and the tartness of the rhubarb cuts against the sweetness of the doughnut so beautifully I absolutely love it.

Oh God, there's so much.

I think Crosstown got me into doughnuts because I don't think I was a massive doughnut guy before that, but Crosstown Donuts, I'm all over that.

Absolutely love Crosstown.

Really good.

Well, I think the problem with a lot of doughnuts is they just think more is more.

So they add like shit on the top of it and they make it like it is kind of monster confection.

But actually, what you want is something where the flavors complement each other.

And Crosstown absolutely nailed that.

It's so, so good.

I had an awful situation where I was doing a writer's day and one of the people that were there had

sort of heard that I or I think they were the ones that introduced me to cross down anyway they turned up with a box full of crossed down donuts and they'd got like six vegan ones and they said Romesh I've got you vegan donuts and I was at that time trying to I was sort of hoping to get myself a six or trying to restrain myself from eating that kind of stuff but because they'd gone to the trouble of doing it I felt like I should eat these vegan donuts so I ate quite a few of them yeah

I don't I hate to point that out to you Romesh but you have ordered something else that's just another another deep-fried thing.

Oh, gosh.

Do you know what that pause was?

It wasn't even, I genuinely felt bleak.

Yeah, I saw it in your eyes.

I saw you go because I knew you felt bad about that anyway.

Well, we were talking about the Gobi 65, but you've just ordered.

Yeah, but you know, the one consolation I'll have from the Holy Spirit was at least a tango, the ice block's not deep-fried.

So I'm not a haven.

It is the only time on this podcast.

We've done a lot of episodes of this podcast now.

It's the only time on this podcast where a guest, I've looked at a guest and the look of their face literally says, what have I done?

Like,

never seen that before.

But Papa, like, what have I done?

And regret like it's real.

Because you came into this all like, oh, can't wait to give some of my opinions on food and show off what a foodie I am.

Deep fried chicken.

Deep fried chicken for starter.

Deep fried cauliflower.

Donut.

Do you know what?

Do you know what makes it even more disgusting?

The sort of connoisseury way I describe the rhubarb going to the donut.

Like our some sort of fucking cordon bleu

distinguished print.

No, it's just another deep fried thing with sugar bars, actually.

Mr.

Brown, you know, Mr.

Brown?

No.

Head teacher at St.

Andrew's.

At St Andrew's Primary School.

Oh, now, yes,

Mr.

Brown, yeah.

he gets up, and this is the whole assembly.

He goes,

once, back in the 20s or something,

a man went into a diner and he ordered

some chips, which is,

you call them fries.

And the chef makes them and he brings them out, and then they send them out, and the guy's like, these aren't crisp enough.

I want them crisper.

And he sends them back.

and he cooks them for a bit longer and he sends it back out again he goes they're still not crisp enough i want them crisper than this and this goes on for ages.

The whole assembly was this back and forth.

And every time the chips came out, he said, these aren't crisp enough.

I want them crisper.

And eventually, the guy was like so angry with this customer that he put them in there for ages.

And they sent it back out again.

And the waiter said, the chef says, you want them crisp?

You got them crisp.

And then that's how crisps were invented.

Because he made it he put the chips so far in the fire for so long that they just got so thin that they were like potato chips as you would call them and that's how crisps were invented because he said if you want them crisp you got them crisp and that was a whole assembly story sucks

oh james and it's so moved

what was that well we were talking about the also

the origin story of cold cheese cold cheese and it reminded me of the origin story of crisps but did you hear how catherine did her origin story was Apparently, someone didn't want to burn the roof of their mouth because they were so hungry so put the cold cheese on.

Bang, done.

In and out.

Yours, very long.

And also, it's the worst story to tell in America because chips mean crisps and crisps mean chips.

Yeah.

Well, it's the worst episode to have to tell it on because I had to translate it as I went along.

Oh,

I really shouldn't be here.

What an amazing story that was, James.

Oh, and I think it's true.

It's definitely true that it is a story.

But that's not the biggest news that's occurred this year.

Of course, we're all aware of the biggest thing that's happened this year.

It's affected everyone.

Yes, that's right.

Someone was kicked out of the dream restaurant.

Finally, it happened.

People thought it would never happen, but it blindsided everyone.

And the person it blindsided the most was Jade Adams.

Ah, the secret ingredient that day was hundreds and thousands.

We thought, surely, no one's going to pick that.

Enter Jade and her friend Babs.

We come to your dessert.

So

here's the question about dessert.

The issue I have here is I could go with like fancy restaurant dessert here because I have a favorite of a fancy, like, you know, like fancy, just like a nice dessert you'd get at a restaurant that I always enjoy having.

However, I'm lying when I say that.

I'm just trying to

keep this facade that I actually

have a refined palate.

When in actual fact, if I wasn't massively overfull, say like I I had an ever-expanding stomach and it and I didn't get full up the thing I would actually have

the thing I would actually have is school dessert with mint custard oh just school dessert you know like the sponge the sponge with icing and the hundreds and thousands on top with mint mint custard

this is incredible jade

jade this is the first in the dream restaurant now first of all what i would like to say is

that sounds like the school pudding sounds nice.

The mint custard is a bit of a...

We didn't see that coming.

Fine, but we don't see that.

I know if you're aware of this, Jade.

Every episode we do, we have a secret ingredient that if the guest mentions it, they get kicked out of the restaurant and don't get any dinner.

It has never happened before.

No one has ever said it.

On the first episode we did, Scoobius Pip said it, but then agreed to not have it on the thing.

But that was only because it was the first episode.

We wanted people to know what the format was.

It would have been confusing if we put it out and just we kick a guy out.

And that's got the whole podcast.

And so we said we'd never allow that again.

This week, the secret ingredient is hundreds and thousands.

Jade Addams, please leave the dream restaurant.

Don't get any dinner.

You are not getting any dinner.

No dinner.

You are out on your ass.

And leave the pants behind.

Leave the pants.

They stay here now.

All we post that was delivered to the restaurant stays at the dream restaurant.

Pants are are ours.

Put the pork in the bin.

Pour that jungle bird in the sink.

Yeah.

No dinner for Jade.

Oh, I can't believe it's happened.

I love you.

It would be hundreds and thousands that did it.

Wait there.

Wait there.

Oh, she's going away again.

Oh, man.

We've done it.

We've actually kicked someone out.

We've actually done it.

And it was right at the end as well.

It was a perfect time for it to happen.

She got to say all the things she wanted to know.

We're going to put it all in the bin

oh my god

i feel so alive so excited about her menu i've always wondered how we would feel when someone says it and i always thought that we would feel awful and that i thought i thought one day when someone says the secret ingredient i'm going to feel really bad about chucking them out and i felt so excited Oh, what's she got here?

She's genuinely got a bag of hundreds and thousands in it.

That's a whole bag.

That's a massive bag as well.

No one has hundreds of thousands in their house what the hell

currently eating them out the bag yep

you can eat them on the bus on the way home from the dream restaurant because you are out of here jade yeah fuck you both

hashtag jade bagger hundreds and thousands jade bagger hundreds and thousands new hashtag I can't believe I've been kicked out.

What are the chances?

What are the chances?

I'd say hundreds of thousands.

And so happy it's just when you've talked about everything you want and you're so excited about the whole menu.

And now we get to say you don't get any of it.

Well, I get hundreds of thousands because I got them here.

Eating them.

That's Jade Adams' post-workout routine.

A cigarette and a bag of hundreds of thousands.

Well, Jade, normally at this point, we say thank you very much for coming to the Dream Restaurant, but we don't need to be polite to you because you picked hundreds of thousands.

Oh, how does it feel, Jade?

Do you know what?

I feel fucking great because I'm the one person who got kicked out.

So, yeah,

that makes me punk.

I'm like Liam Gallagher right now.

I love it.

Yes, bitches.

Come outside with me, guys.

Fuck this podcast.

Fuck them.

I'm going to do a podcast about hundreds and thousands of you go to peggle on your fucking dicks.

Thank you very much for coming to the dream restaurant, Jade.

It's a shame that you couldn't get any dinner today.

oh,

oh, I feel so alive.

Do you know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to take my James A.

Castor Best Show Chortal Comedy Awards 2019 Award that I have in my house because you haven't picked it up yet.

I forgot you've got that.

No, don't come back in hundreds and thousands.

Don't come back in hundreds and thousands.

No, don't come in my award in hundreds and thousands, Jane.

I've put hundreds and thousands all over your award.

You're losing it like a plate.

I'm going to take a picture.

Yeah, I'll take a picture of it.

not

absolutely love it come in my award with the secret ingredient

well i'm gonna put that out there that's the weirdest thing that's ever happened on this podcast

also not many guests have in their house an award that was meant for me and a bag of hundreds of dollars you got two of two two awards that i wasn't there for yeah you and bitch picked them up i won there rich was rich picked it up well uh jade normally we read the order back to you, but not going to do that today.

Oh, no, I am going to read the order back to her, actually.

Oh, okay.

Water.

Nothing.

Popped on some bread.

Fuck all.

Starter.

In your dreams.

Main course.

Zilch.

Side dish.

As if

dessert.

You can cram it forever.

None of this.

You're getting none of it.

In the bin.

In the bin.

In, in, in.

You're not getting any.

Or you're not getting any.

Thank you very much for coming to the dream restaurant, Jade.

I'm sorry it didn't work out for you this time.

Fuck you both.

We were absolutely reeling after that, James.

Well, on that bombshell.

Thanks for listening, guys.

Yes, I hope you all made the most out of 2020.

We'll be back in the new year with Series 5.

And to end, well, Ed, how about we do, what say you, our annual Papa Dumzo bread compilation?

I would love that, James.

Thank you so much.

Thanks to James.

Thanks to the great Benito.

I've had a lovely time.

You know, it's been a great year.

I've really done great this year,

as everyone has.

Thanks so much for...

everyone out there.

I think I've made the most of all my opportunities.

And just thanks.

Thanks so much.

Thank you Ed you've been amazing and thank you for me too the Brenna Gorgon.

I just want to say guys it's been a great 2020.

I'll see you in 2021 on the upside down

fuck you Brett Gorgon.

I'm gonna get a coffee

Pop dumps or bread pop dumbs or bread Susie pop a dumbs or bread Papa what

is he saying?

You guys have bastardized the English language beyond all recognition.

Pop a dumbs.

What's Papa Dobs?

Why don't you call me later?

Do a video call later, and I'll take you through it, okay?

Okay, thank you, Ed.

That's all right.

Right, so we've got sparks.

Pop a dumbs or bread.

It's so hard.

I think we can all agree the worst time to hear what's for dinner, mummy, from a stranger is on a creepy service station bridge.

Pop a dumbs or bread, buddy.

Pop it ups or bread.

Oh my

Fuck you.

And

it was just, it was.

It was a little bit of gold.

That's incredible.

Yeah.

Pop it up and saw bread.

Pop it up and saw bread, David.

Popped up and saw bread.

Popadoms or bread?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Uh, pop a doms.

Yeah.

Pop a dumb soft bread.

Pop a dumps or bread, Jen.

Poppin' soft bread.

Uh, bread.

Yeah, like you let us stick.

Pop it up and saw bread.

Pop it up soft bread, Paul.

Poppin' up's or bread.

I'm gonna say bread.

Poppin' ups or bread!

Poppadums, without a doubt.

I think that might be the quickest response we've ever had to that.

Don't know.

Lost touch with him.

Yeah, I should imagine so.

Pop and absorb bread!

Do what?

Pop and absorb bread, Diane.

Oh, poppadums or bread.

I thought you said problems or bread.

Ah, I love Facho Gus.

I know we sound so rock and roll, don't we?

What are we here for?

Pop-dubs or bread.

Say that again?

Pop and hums or bread.

Oh, bread.

Pop and hums or bread.

Pop numbs or bread, Gene.

Poppin' ups or bread.

Pop and hums.

Yeah.

Wait, no.

Pop-lums or bread.

Pop-lums or bread, Wyatt.

Pop and dumbs or bread.

Bread.

Straight away, bread.

Yeah, something like that.

Pop-dums or bread.

Pop-dumps or bread.

Anthony head.

Pop and dumbs or bread.

It's just a bad thing.

Anthony head.

Pop and dumbs or bread!

Anthony head!

Anthony whipped a steak out there.

Yeah, absolutely, just shatter steak out.

No, you just shat

Poplums or bread!

Poplums or bread, Sailor!

Poplums or bread!

This is the bit I knew was gonna happen.

Saucy.

Popadums or bread!

Poplums or bread!

I'll take, I'm gonna go bread.

Pop and dumps or bread.

Oh, bread.

Bread.

Bread for sure.

Still sparkling water, Joe?

Sparkling.

Sparkling water.

Poplums or bread.

Pop logs or bread, Joe.

Pop loves or bread.

Bread, please.

Water.

House water.

Whatever they recommend.

Pop numbs or bread.

Pop logs or bread, Armando.

Pop nums or bread.

Actually, bread.

Pop a lobs or bread.

Pop a dumbs or bread.

A pana.

Pop a dumps or bread.

See, I'm ready because I listened.

Yeah.

Bread.

Didn't scare you properly.

Poplums or bread.

Pop loves or bread, Emily.

Pop loves or bread.

I'm going to go bread.

I'm going to go bread.

Okay.

Oh, we've got a jafar in our our hands.

You're genuinely sad.

Like, I thought he was going to cry.

Oh, no.

Pop it up so bread.

Pop lobs or bread, Catherine.

Poppin' arms.

That was a big swing from James because you're about to take a sip out of a can.

I know, but I'm ready to go.

We've gone very badly.

I didn't know that was.

I only realized it at the last minute.

I was like, uh-oh, I'm about to get vanilla coke all over me.

Listen, I'm cool as a cucumber.

That's quite clever.

Pop lumps or bread.

Pop-lumps or bread.

Pop and arms or bread.

Right, what's all right?

I eat an absolute shed load of bread.

Do genies swim?

Yes, genie does.

Lovely.

I can swim, yeah.

Pop-dums or bread!

Pop lobs or bread, Ivo!

Pop and arms or bread!

What a moment.

He jumped.

Did you jump?

What was a normal bread?

Well, I like the podcast, and I've listened to it a lot, and I've thought I'm not going to get bamboozled by this pop-ups or bread business.

But obviously, you're a master of your craft, and what you've made me do is you've made me picture you swimming in the stretching light.

And I was having such a nice time

picturing that logo.

Poppin' obsorb bread.

Poppin' up's or bread, Reggie.

Poppin' up's or bread.

Ah, Brad, because popadoms stick to the roof of my mouth.

I don't get them.

Poppin' arms or bread!

Poppin' up's our bread, Sam.

It does catch you off guard.

I thought today, I thought I was like, I'm ready for it.

I'm gonna be ready.

It does get you.

It does get you.

Thank you so much, but no thank you.

Poppin' ups or bread.

Pop an arms or bread, Claudia winkleman this is very good not popadums texas toast big abs is it just big toast right okay okay pop an absorb bread pop it up bread caffeine pop it up

what the hell what pop it ups or bread what's poppin' ups

pop it up bread pop it ups or bread David O'Docketti, pop it ups or bread.

Even though I don't even know what your water order is, I'm seeing the countdown here on the screen and I'm scared.

What is the

smallest unit of British currency?

A pennet.

That was all I wanted to know.

Pop an absorb bread!

Bread.

Pop it up as old bread.

Poppin' up saw bread, Sarah Melican.

I think, so I've got another question.

Are there repercussions in the dream restaurant?

For example, I have a slight lactose and gluten intolerance, which I just ride out.

I just eat what I like and drink what I like, and I just deal with the consequences, which are sometimes horrific.

Pop a dumbs or bread!

Pop a dumps or bread, Thomas Eden Myers!

Pop-a-dumps or bread!

Bread rubbed in garlic, charred, black, kidded, and olive oil.

Okay, maybe.

Popped over to Spain to a mentioned restaurant had a salad.

Sometimes I like to be fancy.

Yeah, that's okay.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

Pop-doms or bread.

Pop-a-dumps or bread, Noah.

Yeah.

Pop-a-doms or bread.

Now, this is a confused a lot of our

everything becomes a bumper sticker.

Pop a dumbs or bread.

What?

Pop a dumbs or bread.

Michael McKean.

A pop-a-dum.

A pop-a-dums or bread.

Charcoal-filtered water.

You can have a charcoal-filtered water.

Yeah, pop-doms or bread.

Pop-doms or bread.

I love it.

Poppy!

Poppin' dumbs or bread, poppy!

Poppy dumbs or bread?

Pop and obs or bread!

Pop and obsorb bread, Ovie.

Pop a dumbs or bread.

Poppin' dumbs or bread.

An excellent, excellent reaction shot from there, Ovie.

Pop an obsor bread.

Pop an obsorb bread, Corey Taylor.

Pop an obsorb bread.

Ooh.

I'm gonna go.

I'm gonna go bread.

Pop an obsorbed bread.

Pop an obsorbed bread, buddy.

Pop an absorb bread.

I love Ben in the corner of my eye making notes as we talk, trying to decide what to keep it and what not to keep it.

Yeah, that will happen.

You gotta not look at him during the podcast.

This is the equivalent of the audience response.

Yeah, yeah, it's pretty demeaning sometimes when you tell an anecdote and then you look over and he's scribbling away.

Yeah, it's an edit point, yeah.

Yeah, I mean, honestly, we talk about Melbourne food.

I mean, for white people, high eating, Melbourne's pretty high up there, but I mean, Singapore, you know, Singapore and Malaysia for me kills the food game.

There's no, there's nothing that you can

like in Melbourne,

you can't anyway, you can't find that cuisine anywhere else.

Singapore and Mal Mal Malaysian food, you there's no no one has done it well outside of Singapore, Malaysia.

Right, yeah.

Yeah, definitely not the UK.

But I mean, even, you know, Australia or

even in America, you're hard-pressed to find good Singapore, like

where it tastes actually the way it's supposed to taste.

Right, yeah.

Huge shout out to Ronnie for completely ignoring the Papa Domino.

Papa Domsa bread.

Papadom's or bread.

I didn't know what you were saying.

Papa Nobsa bread, Ronnie.

What is that?

What is that?

Papa Numza bread.

What is that?

Is that like a meat?

Popadomsa bread.

Is that like pumpadom?

Pop-doms or pop-a-domsaw bread.

I think you're saying papa dom

is a bread.

Poppin ups or bread.

But papa dumb

is technically a cracker, I think.

Poppin ups or bread.

Yeah, I don't know what that is.

Papa dumbs.

Or

bread.

Oh, you actually did say papa doms are bread.

Aww.

Oh, oh, bread.

Okay.

But where would you yell that?

Oh, you're asking me.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, I like it.

It's pretty good.

Papa Nobsaw

Pop it up so bad, wretched Heron!

Poppadubs or bread!

Must be changing.

Can we move on?

Let's move on.

Pop it up soft bread.

Pop it up so bread, Terry.

Poppadubs or bread.

So Indian thing.

Yeah.

Well, let's see.

I had assumed that had slipped your mind, but it hadn't.

Popped up soft bread.

Well, look,

thank you for your question, James.

If I was a listener of this podcast, which we've established I'm not,

I would think, well done, James, that's really good knowledge.

You know?

Poppadobs or bread.

Poppadobs or bread, Harry.

Pop it observed.

Pop bread, bread, bread.

Olive bread.

Pop it observed bread.

Pop it observed bread, got one.

Pop and observe bread, even though you've already said poppadobs.

Yeah, interesting.

You're the first guest to ever pip us to the post with that question and get in beforehand.

I haven't got the first idea, but anyway, I could team up with someone knowledgeable, Ed Gamble.

Pop it ups or bread!

Eh?

Popped up's or bread, Joe Brand.

Popped arms or bread.

Oh, God.

I'm going to show myself up yet again as a Philistine, but bread.

Moving right along.

Popping up's or bread!

Poppin' up's or bread, Josh.

Popped up's or bread.

And I couldn't give away the sandwich.

That's my time.

Thank you so much.

Pop it up's or bread.

Pop it ups or bread.

I'm so sorry.

That was a response to your heckle.

Yeah, that was a question.

What would you like us to put it into into when we remove it, though?

Sparkling, please.

Pop a dumbs or bread.

Pop a dumbs or bread, Louie.

Pop a dumbs or bread.

Um.

Pop a dumbs or bread.

I think I'm gonna go bread.

Oh, here's the thing.

Usually,

at this point in the podcast, after he's talked about the water, I'd shout pop a dumbs or bread at you really loud.

Ed.

I'll say this to you.

I find Anthony is like,

I'm more afraid of him than any other guest we've ever had.

He does seem like a guy who wouldn't take any shit.

This is true.

And so far, I feel like if I don't expect him to shout at you, I'm going to be in trouble.

Yeah,

I would definitely control the sound of your voice.

Yeah.

I didn't feel like it would go well if I yelled at you suddenly out of nowhere.

I mean, I did it to...

I've done it to so many people.

Yelled at Terry Hatcher.

I didn't give it a second thought.

Yeah.

But.

you have a natural authority as well and i i also don't think yeah if he shouted at you i don't think it would affect you at all no i wouldn't be thrown by it yeah um but but whatever you're gonna say next i would write it down yeah pass me the piece of paper yeah just to be safe yeah he built it up too much would you prefer that he did everything through me at this point yes yeah okay cool yeah that'll be great can you ask anthony uh pop-adoms would you like popadoms or or bread i think uh what is a pop-adom he says what it is

it up, so bread!

Poppin' up your bread, Rogan!

Pop it up, so bread!

Hello.

Sucks!

The new musical has made Tony award-winning history on Broadway.

We demand to be heard!

Winner, best score.

We demand to be seen.

Winner, best book.

We demand to be quality.

It's a theatrical masterpiece that's thrilling, inspiring, dazzlingly entertaining, and unquestionably the most emotionally stirring musical this season.

Suffs.

Playing the Orpheum Theater, October 22nd through November 9th.

Tickets at BroadwaySF.com.

Hello, I'm Carrie Add.

I'm Sarah.

And we are the Weirdos Book Club podcast.

We are doing a very special live show as part of the London Podcast Festival.

The date is Thursday, 11th of September.

The time is 7pm, and our special guest is the brilliant Alan Davies.

Tickets from kingsplace.co.uk.

Single ladies is coming to London.

True on Saturday, the 13th of September.

At the London Podcast Festival.

The rumours are true Saturday, the 13th of September at King's Place.

Oh, that sounds like a date to me, Harriet.