Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Do you ever feel like you need to be funny to be liked?
How do you handle pressure to always “perform” for others?
In this candid, hilarious, and unexpectedly moving episode of On Purpose, Jay sits down with comedian, actor, and podcast superstar Bert Kreischer—famously known for his shirtless stand-up and his ability to keep audiences laughing nonstop. This conversation goes way beyond the jokes as Jay and Bert dive deep into the real stories behind the spotlight, revealing the layers of vulnerability, self-doubt, and emotional growth that make Bert more than just a party-loving comic.
Bert shares what it was like growing up with a tough, old-school dad who believed in powering through pain and never showing weakness. That mentality helped shape Bert’s work ethic but also left him carrying emotional weight for years. In one of the most touching moments of the episode, Bert shares how a simple, unexpected conversation with his dad, while they were both high on edibles, changed everything, helping them finally see each other clearly and connect on a deeper level.
With Jay’s thoughtful guidance, they unpack Bert’s real-life struggles with anxiety, chasing approval, and feeling like you’re never enough, things so many of us can relate to. Bert is refreshingly honest about his mental health, his parenting ups and downs, and what it's like trying to stay grounded while raising two sharp, hilarious daughters who aren’t afraid to call him out.
In this interview, you'll learn:
How to Stay Humble While Chasing Big Dreams
How to Raise Kids Who Keep You Grounded
How to Keep Showing Up Even When It's Hard
How to Use Vulnerability as a Superpower
How to Manage Anxiety Without Shame
How to Turn Criticism into Growth
How to Stay Grateful Through Every Stage of Success
This episode is full of laughs, a few tear-jerking moments, and plenty of insight into what it really means to show up, be yourself, and keep going, even when it’s hard.
With Love and Gratitude,
Jay Shetty
Join over 750,000 people to receive my most transformative wisdom directly in your inbox every single week with my free newsletter. Subscribe here.
Join Jay for his first ever, On Purpose Live Tour! Tickets are on sale now. Hope to see you there!
What We Discuss:
00:00 Intro
02:45 The Wildest Plane Stories You’ve Ever Heard
04:25 Why a Marriage Built on Laughter Works
06:01 When Your Family Becomes Your Funniest Critics
07:16 Were You Always the Funny One?
09:08 How Bert Mastered the Art of Storytelling
14:35 Growing Up with a Tough-Love Dad
17:56 What It’s Like Seeing Your Parent Cry for the First Time
20:40 Realizing Your Parents Are Human Too
23:36 When Your Dad Realizes He Can Use Your Fame
24:35 What It’s Like to Share Your Success with Your Parents
29:05 The Lifelong Quest for a Parent’s Approval
35:08 How a 6-Figure Deal with Will Smith Changed Everything
37:20 The Moment You Know You Have to Chase Your Talent
42:50 Embracing the Power of Pressure
44:09 Is There a Pain You Can’t Laugh Through?
47:06 Letting Your Kids See You Cry
49:56 Why the Way You Tell a Joke Matters
51:43 How Your Kids Really See You
54:05 The Challenge of Uninterrupted Family Time
56:51 Just Show Up and Do the Work
01:01:33 Success Was Never a Straight Line
01:07:24 Don’t Let Greatness Become Familiar
01:11:12 Living with Anxiety When Life Doesn’t Slow Down
01:17:26 Building a Healthier Relationship with Alcohol
01:19:29 How Tracking Your Fitness Can Change You
01:22:00 Bert on Final Five
Episode Resources:
Bert Kreischer | Website
Bert Kreischer | Instagram
Bert Kreischer | X
Bert Kreischer | YouTube
Bert Kreischer | TikTok
Bert Kreischer | Facebook
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
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My dad's mentality is if you don't get on stage, if you don't show up to work, all the stuff that could possibly make your life great just disappears.
No matter what, you show up, get out there and grind.
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Hey, everyone.
welcome back to On Purpose.
I'm your host, Jay Shetty, and today I'm sitting down with one of the most entertaining and unstoppable forces in comedy, Burt Kreischer.
From being named Rolling Stone's number one partier in the nation to becoming one of the highest-grossing stand-up comics, Bert has built an incredible career as a comedian, actor, podcaster, and entrepreneur.
With six Netflix specials to his name, Bert's latest special, Lucky, was number three in the top 10 most watched TV shows on Netflix.
Bert continues to sell out arenas and is also the co-host of Two Bears, One Cave, one of the top comedy podcasts worldwide.
Bert's energy, storytelling, and ability to connect with audiences is unmatched.
And I can't wait for you to hear it.
Welcome to On Purpose, Bert Kreischer.
Bert, you know what's funny?
What?
I still remember that.
flight we were on together and we sat down next to each other and i'm gonna sound like such a douche for saying this, but I have to say, you were the nicest person in the world.
And you were so kind.
And you were like, I can't remember how you started the conversation.
Maybe you can.
But you were like, I really like your stuff.
I love what you're doing.
And I was the idiot who's living under a rock.
No.
It was like, I think I know what you do.
It's really cool.
Like, but I don't know.
And then I came back and I told my team, I was like, I was sitting next to Burt Kreischer.
Like, you know, we're texting.
He's such a nice guy.
He was so wonderful.
And, and they were like, you met Burt Kreischer.
They're like, He's amazing, he's funny.
And I was like, I'm the idiot who doesn't know.
And it was just one of those moments where, like, you were so kind, you were so endearing, you were so sweet.
And I was really touched by that interaction.
I never in a million years thought the number one part here in the world and me would have something in common.
So, you've got a weird thing that, like, usually only like Rhys Witherspoon or Jennifer Aniston get, where you're strikingly attractive.
So, so when I sat down next to to you i was like whose eyes are these and then i was like wait i know him i was like oh oh this is jay shetty i've listened to so many of your interviews you're so good you're so good and so uh yeah i was so excited and then i get told by like my i'm friends with a professional wrestler cody rhodes and he said you know when i met you i've never seen more of a pro wrestler personality like you you explain yourself within a sentence and then and explain why you should like me and i'm like but it's uh yeah i i i'm a talker on a plane and you were so funny already.
And I was like, oh, this guy's hilarious.
Cause you were like, you know what?
Like, you're good, but I'm a pretty big deal too.
You know, you're a cracker.
And I was like, that doesn't sound like me.
And I was cracked.
But it was endearing.
Like, I want to put it out there.
Like, I'm not trying to overcompensate, but it wasn't arrogance.
It was like, I was laughing with you.
And it was just so, you just broke the ice.
And I was like, this guy's amazing.
So I texted him.
I'm such a fan of yours.
I really am.
Well, now I am too.
So that's why I wanted you on the show.
Thank you.
When this opportunity came up, I was like, but it's the best.
And then I got to watch the special too.
And I was just like, I really wanted to get inside your mind.
I was like, I really want to know, you know, the person behind the amazing success that you've had and
the wonderful, endearing person you sit next to on the plane.
I was going to ask you, you've probably had some crazy plane stories.
I want to know what's, what's the craziest plane story you've ever had?
Seeing as that's where we met.
I got a, I got a good one.
All right.
I'm going to say real names too.
I sat next to a woman first class when I was just married with kids.
Like I had Isla and Georgia, but they were still really young and the woman was coming back from tibet and she was like had the beads on and henna all over hot attractive probably a little older than me maybe i'd say 43.
i was 3 maybe six at the time and we started having drinks and we're talking and then she says uh
what are you doing when you land in la
i said i'm going home she goes don't come to my place let's have sex I said, what?
She goes, I've been, I've had a divorce.
That's why I went over to Tibet.
I'm a little lost, but I'm just looking to get.
And I went, okay.
I said, listen, I'm married.
And so that's, you got the wrong guy.
I go, but I got the right guy for you.
She said, really?
And I said, trust me.
Can you just trust me?
So we land and I call Mike Young.
He's a real name.
I go, Mike, you want sex tonight?
And he was like, with you?
I go, no, I got a beautiful woman, 43 years old.
And he goes, yeah, give her my number.
She gives her my number.
They meet at the comedy store.
They go back to her place.
They have sex.
They've never talked again.
And I was like, boom, man.
Slam dunk.
I got great ones i sat next to ric flair one time and we both drank identically we both ordered drinks for our wives and ourselves and then drank our wives drinks and then drank our drinks and i was like oh ric flair and i drink alike i had a girl walk me into my room in soho the other night she was like hey i'm gonna come to your room i was like and i got her to the door and i said listen i was really drunk i go listen It's very sweet of you, but I'm married and I'm happily married and I don't cheat on my wife.
And she had this weird look on her face.
And I woke up the next one.
I called my wife.
I told her, I go, I just, I'm such a great guy.
And then there was a note under my door.
And it was like, Bert, I wasn't trying to have sex with you.
You were too drunk.
You couldn't remember what room you were in and you didn't have a key.
I just wanted to make sure you got home safe.
I was like, oh, I shut down a good Samaritan.
How does your wife react to stories like that when you're like calling her up?
I've been doing that our whole marriage.
Our marriage is based on fun and laughter.
I mean, for real, it is probably the funnest.
It's by far, it's the funnest relationship I have in my life.
We joke nonstop.
We're in couples therapy right now.
And as we walk out, I decide who won or who lost.
Like, it's just a blast.
And I've been doing that ever since, ever since
we were a young married couple.
I'd text her.
I go, just do you know, I'm getting jocked.
And then I send a picture, and Leanne's like, she's got a lazy eye.
And I'm like, oh, man.
Yeah.
And she gives it back to you, too.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Her and my daughters are just bullies, like bullies.
Like they've never, they, they called, they call me baby walrus.
They, they never
they bust my balls harder than anyone i've ever met other than my two sisters yeah the women in my life run my life isn't that the best like my wife we just did this video and it was planned by my team but we did this video where my wife rated my looks on the red carpet for the last seven years or however long it's been.
That's great.
And oh, dude, I've got some embarrassing red carpet looks.
And my wife does not hold back in this video.
She just goes for it.
And she's got so much banter and she's got so much sass.
And it's like all the comments are like, she's a savage.
I'm like, yeah, you think she looks cute and all this stuff that this woman can like go in and it's, and I can, I mean, I can, I can attest to the fact that those are terrible looks.
Baby Walrus started our chat thread, Baby Walrus, and it was pictures where they thought I was cute.
And it's like the worst pictures ever.
And it's like one of them is me on a surfboard covered in
like in sunscreen.
And I just am sitting crisscross applesauce on a surfboard and I look fat and I got a hoodie on.
It's so bad, but it's them sending pictures where they think I look cute, but I look like an idiot.
Yeah.
And so are they playing you or do they think you look cute?
I mean, the picture on baby Walrus is horrible.
Let's see.
We're going to have to get this for the edit as well as everyone on YouTube.
It's the one of me on the surfboard.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I see.
And they're all just pictures of me looking horrible.
Oh, God.
The worst.
We'll get back to the family in a second, but I wanted to, were you always the class clown?
Was this always natural for you?
Were you the guy who could make everyone laugh and get attention?
Was that who you were?
No.
I was like, dare I say like painfully serious.
Like, I mean, I always was funny, but I didn't know.
I thought what I was doing was cool.
And when from the outside looking in, it was and it was funny.
So I didn't realize that I was being funny.
I think a lot of comics have this.
I just told the story in therapy the other day.
When I was in first grade, I played second base.
I'm really into baseball.
I was really into baseball growing up.
Played second base, fly ball to me, base is loaded, fly ball to me.
I catch it and then I spike it and I take my shirt off and I start dancing.
Now, my dad was livid.
He was like, what is wrong with you?
And, but everyone laughed.
And I thought what I was doing was cool.
And that people were like, yeah.
But they just see this six-year-old, seven-year-old dancing shirtless in second base.
And so my whole life, I think I was always trying to be serious.
Like I dressed up as Kiss for the talent show.
I was dead serious.
Like, you're going to watch me kill it out here.
And I remember being in the thing.
I had a guitar.
The guitar didn't have strings.
I was going to air guitar.
And the kid looks at me and he goes, the kid next to me had a violin.
And he goes, you play the guitar?
And I said, no.
He goes, what are you going to do?
I said, just rock out.
He's like, you're just going to go up there and dance.
And I was like, and when he said it, I was like, this sounds silly.
Yeah.
And then I just went out and just air guitar and danced in my mom's tights, no shirt, her belts around my chest, white face paint that me and Brian Callahan put on.
So yeah, I think, and I think I was that way all the way through high school.
I don't think I was very funny in high school, although I was, I learned how to tell a story in high school.
It wasn't until I gave up sports in college that people started saying I was funny.
What made you learn how to tell a story in high school?
Going to an all-boys Catholic high school.
It was the best.
It was the best, man.
I'm saying the best.
Your currency was, could you hold a table?
It wasn't chicks.
wasn't it?
Did you look good?
Could you hold a table?
And so, for lunch, you'd have a table, your boys, 12, and I would practice my story coming from religion to the table.
I'd be like, All right, so we did a beer run, right?
And I'm driving, Cayman comes in, he dives in, a dog grabs his leg.
I take off, that's and I'm practicing the story.
And then I get there, and they'd be like, Hey, uh, tell us about the fight.
And I'd be like, Okay, got a pivot.
Here we go.
And I remember the first time I said a line that like worked well, I said, dude, he got knocked out.
I mean, this punch started in Miami and ended in Washington State.
And they were like, oh, like it was just, it was like storytelling was our thing.
Yeah.
And if you could tell a good story, like Beach Week, you came up to the room.
Everyone wanted to know if you hooked up with that chick and you had to have a story about it.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I remember one guy came up, older kid, and he was like, yeah, I didn't have a condom.
So I used a plastic bag.
And we're like, what like just wild stories yeah yeah and then when i got to florida state uh that's when i started realizing i was funny i went to an all-boys school too but what i realized was that a lot of the guys had imaginary girlfriends so a lot of the stories were just made up oh jesus and when you'd figure out that felicity wasn't real yeah because that was an american girl's name off a tv show and not a girl's name in england like you'd never there's no one i've ever met in england called felicity no and then one of our guys was dating a girl called felicity like you've been watching too much american pie like that's that's like the feeling we'd get.
Girls were a perfect example.
I was so painfully serious about losing my virginity.
I mean, I was dialed in.
It was all my only focus.
And then when I did, it was such a tragedy that that story became, I remember sitting down and they're like, bro, tell the story.
And all of a sudden, there's like three deep.
And the story I might have told it on,
this may not be the right setting for it, but I'll just say it was fast and I did it wrong.
And, I mean, and there were like dudes standing three people deep to hear this story.
And then, you know, we had two lunches.
So the next people come in, it was Ty Rodriguez, like, tell it again.
And I mean, everything was like a tragedy, like a comedy of tragedies for me.
And you've never reconnected back with this person.
The woman?
The woman is.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know her?
Yeah, I know her very well.
No way.
That's Tampa, though.
I know her.
I know her brother.
Her dad just recently passed.
Her dad was a legend.
Her dad was a legend.
I got to say this.
And, you know,
she cheated on me at prom
with my best friend, and we had to go spend the night at her house.
Now, I'm like, uh, I'm a really sensitive guy, and I was so humiliated that instead of going back into the house where they dropped us off, I went out into her car and I said, I'm just going to sit in her car.
This is, I didn't have a car to get home, I didn't have any way to get home.
So, I sat in her car.
I said, You know what?
Screw it.
I'm going to, I'm going to sleep out in this car.
And I laid in the back seat of her car.
And her dad just comes out and knocks on the window.
He's like,
you know boxers or whatever and he's like buddy this isn't how it's done i was like what and he goes i know you're hurting right now come in the house trust me i'll make it comfortable i said i i look they know i've been out here and he goes well we all know you've been out here he goes just walk in the house and sleep inside tonight i'm gonna give you five minutes so we went in i waited five minutes and i walked in the house and very slick Her dad was like, was like, Bert, what can I get you to drink?
Would you like a beer?
And I'm, you know, 17.
And I was like, oh, I would love a beer.
And he's like, great, come on, we'll go sit outside.
And just made it very smooth.
But yeah, I still know her.
Wow, that's epic.
Yeah, that's epic.
I remember breaking up with a girl, and I was just upset that her father used to have Manchester United season tickets.
And he used to always take me along.
And I remember when I broke up with her, it was like harder breaking up with her dad than it was with her because we were like having this bromance moment of like supporting the same team.
And it's just, when I think back to times like that, think about how like those moments felt so big then.
And now when you look back you laugh at them right like it's at that moment that humiliation was that like the biggest humiliation you'd had at that point in your life oh yeah yeah oh yeah and and i've had bigger i've had bigger but yeah that was like that was tough because i i thought i was cool you know and i think that's a little bit where my comedy is is i always come out the fool a little bit you know i'm always getting myself into something bigger than me and i always think i'm doing the cool thing or the smart thing and i i always screw it up
i read that your dad was an interesting figure for you growing up.
And he had like a certain take on life of like, men don't cry.
Boys don't cry.
They don't show emotions.
Yeah.
Is that true?
What was that?
What's that like?
Cause I think we hear about it now and it sounds like almost like a character because of where society's kind of moved into now.
It's like, but that was very real.
Oh, very real.
My dad, my dad's a great dad.
I love my dad.
But he just was like, hey, you don't cry.
I was 11 years old.
I was playing catcher and I got hit in the mouth with a baseball bat and I lost like 26 teeth.
And my dad came over and he's like, okay, don't worry.
It was my birthday, by the way.
And I was like, he's like, don't worry.
You're okay.
Mom's going to take you to the dentist, but I need you to go to shortstop.
I was like, what?
He goes, you're not dying.
And if I sub you out of the game, we forfeit the game.
So finish out the inning at shortstop.
And I remember being like, what?
I've been injured.
And he goes, yeah, go finish shortstop.
And they hit a ground ball to me at shortstop.
I caught it through it the first.
My dad goes, I'm really proud of you.
Go to the dentist.
But my dad just, he just didn't, it was not, he didn't hit us, you know, but like, he just was like, I remember his, when I got into comedy, he told me really clearly, buddy, eat shit, cash checks.
That's how the world works.
Eat shit, cash checks.
His dad was in World War II.
He stormed like Omaha Beach or Normandy.
And his dad never talked about the war, sat in the garage, watched Mets games, listened to Met games, and drank beer.
And so my, and my dad lost his dad at 13.
So I think my dad was just doing the best he could.
But yeah, he told me.
I mean, I remember,
I remember it like an older, I remember getting anxiety attacks.
This is how flat my dad was.
One day I'm laying in bed.
It's like after
David Letterman, and I'm laying in bed.
I had to be 10 years old.
And all of a sudden, I have this very crisp realization that death is real.
And I went, hold on.
I go, one day, you're going to tell me my dad's going to die?
And I went, oh my God, I started having a real panic attack.
And I went into his room and I woke him up.
My dad doesn't wake easily.
He's like, if you wake my dad, he's like, what the fuck?
You know, and so I scared me.
I woke him up.
I was like, dad, are you going to die?
And he goes, what?
I said, are you going to die?
And he goes, yeah, you are too.
Go back to bed.
And then I went, wait, I'm going to die?
I didn't think I could.
I knew you would die, but not me.
And that was my dad.
I had kids with panic disorder and I was so not my dad with them.
I was so like, yo, I got you.
You're going to be fine.
Like, but yeah, my dad just, he was just trying to do the best he could.
Stuck into a house that he couldn't really afford, making ends meet.
He's got three kids, didn't expect a third one.
He's a lawyer.
I don't think he ever wanted to be a lawyer.
I mean, I'd say that.
I don't know what he'd say, but I wouldn't say he like loves his job, but it's his job.
job and he does it.
But that was his do not cry.
Do not cry.
And if, and when I got older and we got into a something and he saw me like well up, he'd be like, oh, you better not cry.
And I'd be like,
cry.
Might explain why I cry so much as an adult now.
So you just hold it back.
I tried my whole life.
And then I remember the first time seeing him cry.
It was when I graduated Florida State and they didn't let me graduate.
Two teachers failed me because I was written up in Rolling Stone Magazine and they were, they thought I embarrassed the school.
So they failed me and I had to drive up to Tallahassee.
And they told me the administration said, just go talk to the teachers.
And I went to drive up to Tallahassee and my dad walked me out to the car.
It was like six in the morning.
And I was getting in the car to drive to Tallahassee.
And he started crying.
And I'd never seen him cry.
And I was like, what is this?
And he was just,
and he's like, it's when someone with your kid.
Like, I was like,
I got, I drove in silence, no music, just in the dark.
Just, what did I just witness?
Did you ever talk to him about that?
No.
Still till this day.
No.
My dad's an interesting guy.
He's changed a lot the older he's gotten.
He's way more sensitive than he was when I was a kid.
Joey Diaz gave him marijuana one time on accident.
I gave him like a handful of marijuana popcorn.
It's the first time my dad had ever had marijuana.
Easter morning.
Kids are searching for eggs.
My daddy's a handful of popcorn.
I go, buddy, that's weed.
And And he goes, what?
It's popcorn.
I go, no, there's weed in the popcorn.
He goes, how do they put weed in the popcorn?
I go, dad, it's called an edible.
And you just ate a lot of it.
And so he goes, well, what do I do?
And I grabbed a handful and I said, I'll go with you.
We're going to both eat weed.
And we both ate weed.
We did a podcast that day.
And
then everyone leaves.
And it's me and my dad, high as crap, drinking whiskey at like five in the afternoon, smoking a cigar, really high.
And I leaned over to him, I go,
Why don't you like me?
Oh, I'm going to get emotional.
And he just goes,
he's like, I love you.
You just make me uncomfortable.
He was like, I love you and I'm afraid you're going to die.
And so I don't know what that does, but I'm afraid you're going to die.
I go, I'm not going to die.
And he goes, you don't know that.
He goes, I lost my dad when I was young.
I'm terrified to lose you.
And I don't understand you.
I don't understand your lifestyle.
And I said, well, how can we fix this?
And he goes, I want to get you a cardiologist.
And I said, okay.
And he goes, you do that?
I go, I want you to feel more comfortable with me.
And he was like, I can get you a cardiologist.
I can do all the tests.
I can pick all the tests they do.
And I said, yeah.
And he goes, okay.
He had a cardiologist Monday morning for me, Dr.
Dan.
And they did the CT scan.
They did the stress test.
They did all the tests my dad wanted and everything came back clean.
And my dad's like, no, you'll go to him every six months.
And I said, yeah.
And I want to say from that day on, our relationship has gotten so much smoother.
I mean, I've forgiven him for stuff that he's did.
and we're just a lot, a lot closer now.
It's incredible, isn't it?
Like our parents trying to hold us back from seeing their pain, but actually seeing their pain is the only thing that kind of penetrates and make you go, oh, wait, they're a human too.
Oh,
I found out my dad was human when I was 21 years old and I remember finding that out and I didn't understand it.
My parents split up and I was so mad at my dad.
I didn't even want to talk to him.
I just, I was wanting nothing to do with him.
And my uncle Jerry called me and he goes,
when was the last time we talked to your dad?
And I said, it's been a while.
And he goes, well, that shit's over.
He goes, you call him today.
He's your dad.
No, no, no, Jerry.
I'm mad at him.
And he goes, yeah, you just found out your dad's a human.
Okay.
Your dad's a human.
He's a regular man.
He's not some superhero.
So you call him.
And look, you don't have to say, I love you.
Just call him, see how he's doing, and just touch base.
I did.
And
then that was a period, you know, that was a growing period at that.
But
yeah,
he's a pretty great dude.
I'll just say this.
You know, a lot of people will be at his funeral.
That's like the testament for like a great man.
Yeah.
That's a big deal.
Yeah.
Oh, it'll be.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He obviously means so much to you.
Oh, yeah.
I think everyone's dad does, don't they?
I mean, for all our differences, and we have a ton,
a ton.
If you met me and met him, you would not know we were related.
He's pretty quiet, does not want to get on stage, and sincerely doesn't want you to get on stage.
I mean, he just saw me do stand-up for the first time
at the Amelie.
Yeah.
No.
After all these years.
After all these years, I did the Amelie, which is the arena in Tampa.
And I said, yo, if you're going to, you should come and see me here.
I understand like comedy clubs, but you should come to the arena.
It's a big deal, Dad.
He got there and I don't think he realized what was happening for real.
Like he knew I was doing a show there, but he called me and he goes, Wade Boggs is here.
Wade Boggs was like our hero playing baseball growing up.
I said, Yeah, I know.
I put him in your box.
And he goes, No, but he's here.
Do you think he knows you?
And I said, Dad, he's at my show.
He goes, Mike, I just saw Mike Alstott, football player.
I go, Yeah.
And he goes, Do these people know you?
I said, Dad, I'm the reason they're here.
And then he came backstage and Derek Brooks, who's a legend, played at Florida State, played it
at the Bucks, is backstage talking to my dad.
My dad's staring at Derek Brooks going,
and he goes, and Derek goes, can you believe how Farbert's come?
He's doing the Amly and I, he goes, I was at his first show at Pot Bellies.
And Derek Brooks leaves.
My dad goes, buddy, Derek Brooks knows who you are.
I was like, yeah, I know, dad.
We just spent time with him.
He knows who you are too now.
But yeah, my dad just, he just, that was the first time he told me to tell me to stand up.
What did he say?
I got to be honest with you.
I think it makes him uncomfortable.
Like, I think he kind of half looks and half, like, I don't think he, I don't think he laughs a lot at it.
I don't know.
I mean, he says, he goes, you're good.
Like, but he, I make him uncomfortable.
I had a great Shaq joke that Shaq wanted me to put in the special.
It's, dare I say, borderline racist, but Shaq and I talked.
It made us laugh.
And Shaq's like, you got to put that in the special.
And my dad's like, that does not go in the special.
And I was like, dad, Shaq shaq says it's okay and he goes i don't give a shit i i am not comfortable with that joke so i took it out shaq's like you took it out because your dad yeah what i got a better shaq joke now okay oh yeah what's the bad shaq joke
i i can't do it is i don't think your audience wants to hear it go see me on the permission to party world tour starting in september there we go that's it's pretty aggressive oh all right that's fun that's fun people can look forward to seeing that but whatever you know when I'm hearing about your relationship with your dad, I think it's so interesting where we just talked about that unlock of you figure out your parents are human and you also get context of their humanity.
Like you were saying, his dad died when he was 13 years old and he saw that and then he was scared of losing you.
Like, I remember my dad took me to his, the home he grew up in in India and his home was the size of this room, his home.
So the kitchen's in a corner.
There's, by the way, there's five kids that grew up in this house.
Yeah.
There's a bed over here.
We get there outside.
There's bats, cockroaches, and rats everywhere because he grew up in like this slum-like area.
Disgusting.
I'm nine years old when I first go.
And then they shared a toilet with like 20, 30 families.
And I remember going there at nine years old and my whole perspective of my dad completely changed.
Yeah.
Because all of a sudden I had like a reference point.
And my life wasn't luxury in London by any means, but it wasn't that.
And when you see like bats and rats and cockroaches at nine years old, which like freak you out, and you think that's how your dad just walked to the toilet, walked back to his house.
He was the youngest of five kids.
And all of a sudden, you just get like a completely different perspective on the man you're looking at.
And it sounds like you had that moment as well.
And I guess my question is, it sounds like it's not something you had to reconcile through a conversation.
Like it's not like you've sat there and therapized it out or fixed it, but there's a, there's a resolution that's almost happened between both of you where he can come and watch you on stage even when he hasn't for all these years.
Like, would you say there's been healing?
And you said there's forgiveness from your side.
Like, what does that look like when there isn't a conversation?
Because I think today we've got so much about you got to have the conversation.
Yeah.
No.
You know, I think for my dad, a lot of it was he always had the answer.
You know, my dad's the kind of guy that when I was a kid, the Iraq war started and I came home and I was like, I was was against war because I knew that's what hippies were about and I wanted to be a hippie.
And so I thought that's the right answer.
I'm against war.
And my dad's like, no, you're an idiot.
Why don't you go to your room until you realize what an idiot you are?
And then when you come down, I'll explain to you why you're an idiot.
So I went to my room and I was like, I don't know why I'm an idiot.
Like, what did I, and everyone should be against war.
My dad came downstairs.
I go, I don't know why I'm an idiot.
And he goes, okay, there's a lot of interesting things about this war.
Number one, it's the first televised war we've ever seen.
We're watching them go to war and it starts like a football game.
And me and you have the opportunity to watch this.
Number two, this man, Saddam Hussein, is a monster to his own people.
And we are going in to get rid of him.
You do not know any of the politics.
So shut your mouth and sit down and watch the war.
And my dad was like that with everything.
If you ever said an idea, to this day, if I say...
If I say something, anything political, my dad takes the opposite side and will tell me.
So in a weird way, it never gave me a foot to stand on politically.
That's why I don't talk about politics on stage because whatever I would say, my dad would tell me I was wrong.
He wanted to show me.
I think he was protecting me from looking foolish or protecting me from being the guy at a party that was a know-it-all.
And, you know, my dad kind of flew under the radar always.
And I think when I started getting successful, there was a part of my dad where he no longer had an answer for me.
He no longer had the solution.
He couldn't put me in the right direction.
When they fly, because they're older, I send them to a special entrance at the airport.
It's a little expensive, but it's easier for them.
And my dad had a broken hip and got knee problems.
My mom's a piece of work.
My mom's like me.
Okay.
And so,
and he gets really upset.
He's like, buddy, I don't need this.
I can't, you can't afford this.
And I go, I definitely can afford it.
And he's like, no, you don't know.
So one day I had to send him like my bank statement and be like, I can afford to put you through there.
And he was like, what the
you
like, he just, I think in that, it's not like the, you know, the younger lion taking over the bigger lion, but like, like me, like me not letting him pay for meals, that makes him uncomfortable.
Like, that's who he's been.
He's been the leader of our family.
And I'm not saying he's not still our leader.
He is by every stretch of the means.
He is.
However, I think not having all the answers for me.
and not being able to tell me exactly what to do and be confident in his decision made him very uncomfortable.
I think.
I don't know.
But you never, it didn't seem like you were searching for his approval at any point.
I was, oh my God, that's all I've been doing my whole life.
My whole life.
He didn't like my long hair.
Got a flat top.
Came into his office and he was like, you look like an idiot.
And I was like, God dang it.
Like all I've ever wanted is that man's approval.
That's it.
That's it.
Entirely, without a doubt, I just like when he says, and he says very often how proud he is of me, it doesn't, it doesn't miss me.
It hits me in the chest and it makes me feel great.
And the fact that he'll call up and he'll be like, buddy, we went to the macaroni grill.
You know, I say my, I say my last name and they go, are you related to Burt Chrysler?
They knew who you were.
Buddy, I got a table right away.
They gave me, you know, they do the bacon there.
You know, the big bacon.
My dad's like that.
He, uh, he loves it.
And I, he, and I think he kind of loves my, whatever celebrity I have because it trickles to him.
And now, like when he goes to like, when he goes to, like, he went to my special, him and my mom sat backstage.
They didn't go in the, they sat on on chairs on side stage and he's deaf and like not deaf, but he's losing his hearing.
So I'm doing the show and I hear him say, what did he say?
I'm like, Jesus, dad.
She said, he said he saw her suck his dick.
What?
She lost weight, Albert.
She, he saw her give her a,
Leanne gave him a blow job.
And I'm like, you two shut up.
But yeah, they.
Yeah,
I'm constantly seeking his approval.
I think it probably could be said for my own career.
I think the reason I'm into comedy is I'm searching for approval.
I want people to like me.
I do.
I want people to have a good time and I want people to go, you were fun.
I don't need to be the best comic, but I want the people that see me to really have had a great time and like me.
When was the first time you felt like you got his approval?
Will Smith.
Yeah, Will Smith.
Will, I got a deal at like 26 years old.
I've been doing stand-up.
On my 26th birthday, I was in New York and I was just partying.
I wasn't doing stand-up.
I'd been there for a couple months and I got hammered the night before and it was my birthday and my phone rang at like eight o'clock in the morning, nine o'clock in the morning.
And I saw it was my dad caller ID.
And I said, you know, I'll answer it.
Let him say happy birthday and I'll go back to sleep.
I answer it and he says, you are a tremendous piece of shit.
And I'm like,
I go, dad?
And he goes, yeah, yeah, it's your dad.
And he goes, you are worthless.
You have no humility.
You're doing nothing.
He goes, I just perjured myself in court because of you.
The judge said, Al, how's your son doing?
And I said, great.
That is a lie.
You are not doing great.
And you never will do great.
I have failed you as a father.
I gave you no humility.
I taught you no life lessons.
You never had to work for anything.
Things came easy to you.
And I'm telling you, and I said to him, I go, it's my birthday.
And he goes, I know what day it is.
He goes, I gave birth to you.
We were there when you got born.
And he goes, I'm telling you.
And I was like, dad, I go, well, okay.
So what do I do with this?
He goes, nothing.
He goes, I'll foot the bill.
Be a party boy.
And I was like, well, I want to, I want to, I don't want you to feel this way about me.
And he goes, no, you should not want to feel this way about yourself.
And I said to him, what can I do?
He said, well, if you're serious about comedy, then you'll go to that club tonight and you'll do whatever you can to get on stage.
You'll go to that man and you'll say, my name is Burt Chrysler.
I'd like to be a stand-up.
I'll clean up.
I'll mop up.
I'll flip burgers.
I'll stand up.
I'll do whatever you need, but I need an opportunity.
And I said, I remember saying to him, I go, well, I can't do it today, tonight, because I have a party planned.
He was silent.
He just goes, you have a you have a party he goes you don't deserve a party what are you throwing a party for you're a failure you go to that club tonight you you take yourself to dinner i want you to write down some goals and then you after that dinner you go to that club and you tell whoever you need to you'll do whatever you can and you'll do it for free And I said, dad, that's not how it works.
I remember him very clearly saying, hey, for some young black kid in Harlem, that's how it works for him.
Do you know why?
Because he has humility and he knows how to get what he wants.
That's how it works for him.
It doesn't work for you because you're white and you feel like everything should be given to you.
And I went, okay.
So I said, all right, I'll do it.
So I didn't, I took myself to a restaurant on 7th and Bleecker.
And then I wrote down 26 goals that I had planned for that year.
So I was turning 26.
I went to the Boston Comedy Club.
I met a guy named Louis Schaefer and I told him exactly what my dad said.
My name's Bert.
I want to do this.
Any advice, anything you do, get me on stage.
And Louis Schaefer said, you should move back to Tampa.
And I went, what?
He goes, you're not going to be a comedian.
In New York, you don't have what it takes.
And I went home, almost like victorious.
I was like, so dad, this is how it works.
I told you I was right.
I called him the next morning.
He goes, how did it go?
I said, not good.
This is exactly what he said.
And he goes, perfect.
This is what I want you to do.
You go back tonight and you say the same sentence as if he damned never said it to you.
And I said, okay.
So
I said, well, what do I do if he says the same thing?
And he goes, you're going to do that every single night until there's a point where you're going to break him.
And he's going to go, fine, I'll give you a job.
So I went back that night and I went, Hey, Lewis, my name is Burt Kreiser.
I want to be a stand-up comedian.
I'm from Florida.
He goes, Didn't I tell you to move back to Florida?
I go, listen, here's the deal.
My dad called me a piece of shit yesterday.
I feel like a piece of shit.
I need an opportunity.
I go, I'm going to be doing this every night for the next year, as long as you keep saying this.
And he went, fine.
If you can bring in 20 people, I'll put you on at the end of the night.
Nice.
And I was like, for real?
And he goes, yeah, you can go on after, right before Godfrey.
And I was like, okay.
And man, I brought in 25 people.
Someone got heckled.
Karen Burgreen got heckled by four Puerto Rican guys I brought in because one was going to jail the next day.
And I was like, I did and I, and Louis Schaefer comes out.
He's like, where's a comic?
And I was like, no one's here.
And he's like, you're on.
Let's go.
Put me on stage.
And frat boy Bert came out.
And I lit these four Puerto Rican guys up so hard.
And cause I knew that guy was going to jail.
And I, I mean, I was like, hey, man, have fun tomorrow.
Don't drop the soap.
The place is going nuts.
And I was like, I was like, can I give you some advice about jail?
I was like, suck it before you.
And I mean, a day, it was so great.
They walked out of the room.
The place went nuts.
And I was like, and I got got a job.
Louis Shaver's like, you can do this every night.
Six months later, Will Smith discovered me.
Will Smith discovered me and my dad was floored.
He was floored.
We watched the fresh prints on Monday night, every Monday night.
It was a six-figure development deal.
And I remember that was the first time my dad didn't have an answer.
And I said, I said, what do I do with this money?
He goes, I don't know.
I've never gotten a paycheck like that.
He goes, buddy, I.
I remember him stuttering like, I can't tell you.
I don't know.
He goes, let me hook you up with bob kazarian i still remember the guy's name over at merrill lynch and we'll we'll figure it out and that was when my dad was like he's like you you met will smith will smith taught me how to pitch movies and pitch tv shows and he was like a blessing in my life yeah that's beautiful i didn't realize we had will in common either will i mean look i love will yeah one of my favorite people he's he's one of my family to me he is he is the sweetest guy in the world he was so good to me he gave me great advice we're about to pitch abc Jamie Tarsus.
God rest her soul.
And I drove over from the valley with him and JL.
Yeah, yeah, JL, yeah.
And Jamie's last day.
Yeah, and I, and I had to piss.
And Will came in and he goes, I'll go to the bathroom with you.
So he sat at the stall right next to me at ABC.
And all, any guy knows that the sound of a man's urine hitting a toilet sometimes indicates how big their their their dick is.
And he had a fire hose.
I mean, it was like,
and i got i couldn't pee i started i got i got gun shy and will says to me can i tell you everything you need to know about hollywood but i'm so in my head going pee pee pee i didn't hear a word i didn't hear one word and then he goes and then he stops peeing i realize if i can't pee next to will smith i can't sell a show next to will smith i start peeing and all i hear him say is be yourself that's it that's the only thing i heard and then i went into the room and uh
well it was like burt used to party hard or something i was like yeah you guys ever try to knock yourself out and they're like huh And we used to do that in college.
Yeah.
And you had to do it on the side of a, like, put your head against something.
Cause if you just hit your head, it's not going to happen.
And I knocked myself out.
And Will's just like, and we sold a sitcom that day.
I love that.
Yeah, he's the best.
Yeah, he is the best.
Dude, it's like, as I'm listening to you, I'm just like, there's,
it's so interesting because I feel like that moment that you told me about baseball with, you know, you and your dad and your dad telling you like, on your birthday, just go play and then we'll sort it out later.
What was the power of that?
Like, what was the good thing about that?
And then what was the hard thing about that?
Like, there was good, obviously, that came from it.
This work epic, this ability to turn up, the ability to push through pain.
But there must have been some pain that stayed, which searched for that approval.
But what was the good and the bad?
Because it sounds like you've been able to process both.
You know, he had a mentality to eat shit in cash checks.
And when I was at Travel Channel at the very tail end, I was just hoping to get renewed.
And I knew they were changing presidents.
And I had lasted like three or four presidents, but every time you went to a new president, you were, you know, and it was money and I needed money.
I had a family.
I was ignoring stand-up.
I was ignoring the podcast.
All the stuff I do now, I was ignoring all of it.
And I was at the beach with my dad.
We were having a cigar and a glass of wine.
And he goes, so what's the deal?
What's our plan?
I was, I think I was 42 years old, 43 years old, looking for my dad's approval.
And this is so my dad.
I go, you know, buddy.
Eat shit, cash checks.
Thinking he'd go, that's my guy.
And my dad started crying.
He goes, oh, i think i you up he goes each cash checks means is for guys like me with no talent guys like you need to you need to go after your talent wow and he was he was crying and you know rogan had just said that to me too he had just had that conversation with me and my dad's like if you don't go for it now you're going to regret it He's like, do it.
Because I had this long-standing offer from Showtime, Gary Garfinkel, God rest his soul, to do a special.
And I kept pushing it to do travel channel stuff.
And he goes, buddy, you should do it.
You should, hey, follow your dreams.
So I did the Showtime special.
No one watched it because I took my shirt off.
It's like, I remember, I remember them saying, you know, if you take your shirt off, you give him the reason to change the channel.
But what's fascinating is the thing that gets them to change the channel back in the day where you were Caesar and you'd be like, no, no, is the exact opposite for the internet.
You see a guy with no shirt on on the internet, you're like, what's this?
And you click it.
And I posted the machine story and it went viral.
And it was, I remember my, but my dad gave me this like insane thing of even if you're sick, you show up.
Even if you're, even if you're hurt, you show up.
I think it's my punitive way that I work out is that I'm, if I'm hungover, I work out extra hard.
I was hungover.
I flew, all drank all day yesterday in New York, flew here last night.
This morning, I got up at eight, got in the sauna for 30 minutes, got in the gym.
We did abs.
Who the f wants to do abs?
Uh, ran, lifted weights, and sweated out.
But that's my dad's mentality: is like, you get up, you do your work, you no matter what.
That was the lesson.
I, I mean, I, and
my takeaway from being 11 and getting hurt, my dad going, you finish in it, you don't let anyone down, you don't, you get, you finish the game.
You know, I had a showcase for ICM one time.
This is just my dad's mentality,
and there was a guy that went and opened it, and then the next guy went on was a guy named Earthquake.
Do you know Earthquake?
Unfollowable,
black dude who
destroys
destroys his name's earthquake i mean just and he is earthquake because he leaves you the room in an earthquake and i watched all my friends i won't say their names but all my all my white friend comedians panic no one wanted to follow earthquake and they just came to me they're like you want to go up after earthquake and i just my dad would be like yeah that's your job do your job And I went up after earthquake and he had a joke.
His last joke was about his name, Earthquake.
I forget the joke, but I knew my first joke was about my my name, Bert.
So the joke was,
was, my name's Bert.
I know you're thinking, hot sexy name.
Do you do porn?
No.
I said, Bert's the last name you want to hear during sex.
Just someone chick on top of you in the dark going, ah, ah, ah, bruh.
And then I go, shh, call me Earthquake.
And the place exploded.
But, you know, here's the thing.
And this is my dad's, my dad's mentality is if you don't get on stage, if you don't show up to work, all the stuff that could possibly make your life great just disappears.
And that's been my mentality this whole career is you show up, no matter what, you show up.
You got an audition, you show up.
You get, they want to meet you at a general meeting, you still don't think it's right for you, you show up.
And I, that's definitely the way I've taken the road.
Dude, let's do the road.
Make sun, make, hey, while the sun shines, get out there and grind.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And that's what it takes.
I mean, I feel like comedy is like there's a new comedian every month that's taking off.
You've had like a long-standing career.
It's hard to do that to keep reinventing yourself, keep coming back special after special, success after success.
It's hard to do that.
It feels like it came from that.
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I mean, a lot of my friends, like,
just like the pandemic hit.
And my brain was like, that doesn't mean we can't do stand-up.
And they're like, no, the country's shut down.
And I went, I'll figure it out.
And so I came up with a type of touring, outdoor comedy festivals, where I took drive-in movie theaters and I plugged into their system.
We showed it up on the big screen.
We shot it with four cameras.
All the feeds went into the car so everyone could stay socially distant.
And I did, I think I did 30 cities.
I think I maybe did 30 cities, 60 shows, 62 shows.
I toured all through the pandemic.
That's just the way my brain works.
It's like, just because you say no, that doesn't mean, look, you got to do it.
You got to work.
Don't just take the foot off the gas.
What I love about the earthquake story, too, it's like what your dad said, if you didn't put yourself under that pressure, you wouldn't have found that great new take.
If you're a dad right now and you're listening, this is the only takeaway you need.
My dad, whether it's true or not, always told me, you love pressure.
Buddy, when all the chips are on the table, you perform your best.
I don't know what it is about you, but you love the pressure.
You just love it.
And I'll tell you, my whole baseball career, if we were down, man on first and second, we're down by two runs, that's when I performed.
When we faced the fastest pitcher we ever faced, that's the guy I hit the best off of.
And I'll tell you, is in stand-up, I've always done best when the most pressure is on me.
I need to do secret time.
First show, I bomb.
I'm only doing two shows.
I bomb.
I bomb.
I hadn't bombed with this hour ever, and I bombed.
The crowd had to wait in the rain.
We had a power shortage it just it was horrible and i'm nervous i got one more show this is my first netflix special i got one more show and i'm sitting in the green room and leanne just echoes my dad she goes well you know you love pressure this is when he's gonna perform the best sit back everybody and man that show
i mean best stand-up show i've ever had in my entire career was that one show
that was murderous wow people say with comedians obviously there's such a defense mechanism with humor and comedy to mask pain and challenges and all that kind of stuff.
I wonder, and you've said before as well, like I usually, you know, laugh through pain.
It's like, what, what's a pain that you couldn't laugh through?
I hesitate to even say this, but I've been very lucky.
I've been very lucky.
I haven't had a lot of tragedy in my life.
And I can laugh at just about anything.
I laughed at my grandmother's funeral.
I laughed twice at my grandmother's funeral.
Tell us.
I started crying.
My dad had a rule like, don't cry in front of your kids.
And I started crying and this is before we put priscilla down i started crying he goes whoa whoa whoa whoa hey stand up it's him and my uncle jerry and my dad goes buddy pull together i was like i'm upset and he goes why
i go because your mom is in a box up there and he's like yeah she had a great life you celebrate her life you don't cry can't let your girls see you cry then they're gonna be freaked out I was like, dad, it's just hard looking at her.
And he goes, no, no, no, no, you're fine.
I go, well, she,
they have her, she's not smiling.
And he goes, are you a idiot?
He goes, do you want her smiling in that box?
Do you have any idea how creepy that is?
And I started laughing.
And then he goes, there you go.
All right.
You're out of it.
Good.
Let's go.
So then at the end of that funeral, everyone leaves.
My dad and my uncle Jerry.
Ugh.
I mean, this makes,
they go, hey, come on.
I said, what?
And they go, let's go.
Let's go say goodbye to grandma.
And this was them saying it's so creepy to cry.
Oh, my God.
I've never seen two uglier cries in my life.
These men let go of years of trauma.
I'll tell you, I'll tell you right before she died, this is the hardest I've ever watched these two men laugh.
We go to the hospital.
My grandmother's in congenitive heart failure or whatever.
So we go to the hospital.
Grandma's in the bed.
Uncle Jerry and my dad are in the corner and they're hiding their faces because they're crying.
They're hiding their faces behind the curtains.
Okay.
And they're really emotional.
And I, and I'm not, for whatever reason, I'm not in that moment.
And I go, hey, grandma, how are you doing?
And she goes, Ugh, my back hurts.
That's that's heart failure is when your back hurts.
And I go, Do you want me to rub your back?
And she goes, I would love that, birdie boy, rub my back.
So I start rubbing her back.
I go, I love you so much, grandma.
I go, I think you're going to make it out of this.
And then I go, wait, I think you might have dropped a tissue behind your bed because I can feel, I think there's tissue falling off.
And she goes, that's my skin.
And my dad and my uncle go from crying to laughing hysterically.
And my dad's going, he's kicking.
I'm going, he's rubbing skin off her back.
He's rubbing skin off her back.
And my uncle Jerry's just,
and I'm watching these two curtains shake.
And I'm just rubbing skin off her back.
On, I love you, Grandma.
Yeah.
I laughed.
I can laugh through just about anything.
Oh, God.
When was the first time you let your door see you cry?
I start.
Okay.
I came home.
I was on the treadmill.
Leannon's in the room with the girls.
And
this is in Priscilla's third knee surgery.
Priscilla had five knee surgeries.
On her second knee surgery, they realized the other knee was bad too.
They were going to have to do another one.
And the guy goes, listen, you're 15 grand into this dog.
I think it's just, I think we need to put her down.
And I went, what?
And he goes, I can't promise that these are going to last, but like, I'm telling you, the one that we already fixed, that's bad again.
We got to do that again.
So she's asleep.
I can put her down right now if you'd like.
And I went, well, hold on.
And I went, oh my God, give me a, can you give me a second?
And he goes, yeah, yeah, give me like, go talk to your wife, but call me soon.
So I start crying and I, and I'm, I'm trying to hold it together.
And I walk in the room and the girls see me crying and they start laughing.
And they go, oh mom, dad's crying.
And Leanne goes, girls, if dad's crying, we're all about to be crying in a matter of seconds.
She's like, this isn't funny.
And I go, they want to put Priscilla down and George Art and Loud.
I'm like, what?
And then pulled it together.
And we didn't put her down.
We got two more.
We got those two knee surgeries, then two more knee surgeries.
And
yeah.
But they've seen me cry a lot now.
Once the floodgates open, dude, I cried at the Avengers movie when Spider-Man died.
I was sobbing, crying, and Isla's mocking me.
I cry at movies real quick.
I do, too.
And they will, and they just, you just watch them.
They don't even watch the movie.
They just watch me and stare at me and giggle.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, that's why I find you to be be such an interesting, fascinating person because like you've got this larger than life personality, you've got this partier background, and then like you've got like this soft heart.
Oh, I'm like that.
Yeah, yeah.
And it's like, and even when I met you, I could just tell immediately.
I was like, you know, this guy's got the softest heart.
And at the same time, if I saw you, I wouldn't necessarily have that, you know, perception.
I think that's accurate.
I don't think anyone, I think people think I'm a one thing.
And then when they find out, like, the one that always shocks everyone is I've only had sex with six women.
And they're like, what?
And I was like, yeah, I'm just, I wasn't that guy.
Like I, the time I lost my virginity, that changed my life.
In that moment, I went from, okay, I'm not cool guy that can just bang chicks.
I'm super sensitive guy that needs you to get me because I'm not sure I do this right.
Like my wife goes, that's why my wife takes those phone calls and she knows I'm never going to cheat.
She knows I am a wreck.
I am a wreck.
But yeah.
And so everyone's like, really?
You've only had sex with sick?
I go, yeah, because in college, I'd go go to a bar and I'd just hoping someone would get me.
Like, I wanted someone that wanted to watch Fletch three times in a night.
How does she get about obviously all of the exposure of her life and her sex life as well?
What's like allowed?
What do you need permission for?
What do you get away with without any?
She says, as long as it's funny.
Oh, wow.
That's as long as it's not mean and it's funny.
I'm in.
I remember the time I realized she was game for anything.
She farted during oral sex
and
I
made a joke, and she started crying.
I said, What are you crying about?
I'm the one in the fire hole.
What do you, what
was shit in my mouth?
What are you, you're crying?
And she said to me, You're definitely telling this on stage.
And I wait, I said, What?
Can I?
And she goes, Well, yeah, obviously, if I did this, someone else has done this.
I'm not the only one that ever did it.
And it's funny, you should talk about this on stage.
And I did.
And man, it was, it was like a killer bit for a while.
But, like, yeah, she, she watched this hour, and her note was, I'm cool with everything you're saying.
I need to know the way you're saying it has love in it.
Like it has to have a smile in it.
Because I was doing, when you do material a lot, you get bored of it.
And sometimes you don't show the sparkle in it the way you did when you wrote it.
And with this material, I mean, making fun of a woman because she's getting older and she's going through menopause and she's aging.
And if you don't say it with love or a smile, that was her exact word.
There needs to be a smile and a little bit of rascal in your voice.
Like you need to say.
And so she was really adamant about that.
I love that.
She's like a comedy coach.
Oh, she's, I mean, look, she's not funny.
Let's be very clear.
I take offense when she tells the people at the party, I'm the funny one at home.
I go,
hang on.
My comedy bought the house.
Let's be real.
Okay.
She's a gangster.
She's awesome.
And same with our girls.
She's kind of monitors the material and
runs it by with them, with her, and
talks to them about it.
And, you know,
yeah.
Do they think dad's really cool or dad's human?
Oh, human.
They don't think I'm cool at all.
They do not.
When did that, when did it go from cool to human?
Or was it ever cool in the first place?
It was never cool.
I don't think it's no, it's, you know, I had a period of, of, where Georgia, I could telephone, I was kind of cool.
Yeah.
Like Georgia had this, like, we took her on fully loaded one year, her and her friend Daisy.
I got this great picture.
At the end of the night, I'd, I, we'd, I'd tell the machine.
And then I'd bring all the comics on stage and I'd have them bring me a beer and I'd kill a beer and I'd spit it in the air.
And it would, it was a fun moment to wait to close the show.
And it was always a really cool picture.
And
one year,
I call all the comics out, and then everyone starts walking off.
I'm saying goodbye.
And Georgia comes out.
I got this great picture.
And she throws her arm in the air like she just did a stand-like she's like she didn't stand up.
And I was like, What are you doing?
And she goes, I just wanted to see what it felt like.
But like, uh, I think they think I'm okay.
I don't think they think I'm cool.
Like,
in all honesty, if I didn't ever go to their college ever again, they'd be very comfortable with that.
Well, why do you turn up to their college?
You mean to drop them?
No, like parents weekend.
Yeah, right.
Parents weekend or, you know, we went and looked at colleges.
I wanted Georgia to go to Boulder.
And so we went to Boulder and this kid yells out the window, the machine.
And then all of a sudden word got out on campus and kids started running and finding me.
And I watched this kid, my child, lose interest in a school very quick.
A great school.
One of the best schools in the universe.
I love that school.
And she was like, Yeah, I'm not going here.
And I was like, What?
She goes, I'm not going to a place where you have fans.
I was like, baby, I think that's going to be tough.
And then she was like, I won't go to Florida State.
I won't go to Florida.
I'm not going here.
I'm not going to Georgia.
I'm going.
I'm going to find my place.
And so I didn't go look at schools with her.
And the next two schools she looked at, she loved.
She got into both of them and she chose one.
And same with Isla.
Isla would, they hate when I get recognized.
Last night we flew in and Paparazzi was waiting for me at the airport.
And Georgia was just like,
she walked in and like stood by a wall and was like, she was like, can we just, mom, can we make this stop?
And I was like, I don't, I'm not rude.
So I'm all like, I'm going to talk to them.
If they want to talk to me, I'll say something to them.
I'm not going to be there forever.
But yeah, I think they would be cool if I wasn't.
famous.
How do you deal with that?
Like with when you're raising kids, you've been doing this for a long time.
They've probably been exposed to it since they were kids.
Like how
have you had that conversation with them?
because obviously it's still not easy for them we had a moment uh we were we were skiing it was a very luxurious thing to do it's not lost on my kids because we didn't always have money but we were going skiing and georgia was having a rough time just there was something going on with georgia by the way we didn't know this but we all had covet at the time
and so
So Georgia's having a rough time and she has a meltdown.
And she's, you know, you know, what a junior in college, high school at the time, but she's having a meltdown.
And I'm talking to her in front of where we're staying, right by the lifts.
And we're both in our ski outfits.
I'm holding my snowboard.
She's got her snowboard and she's crying.
And I'm trying to talk to her and help her out with this thing she's going through.
And these two dudes are like, oh shit, the machine.
And I just look at her eyes and she's like.
And I was like, what's up, guys?
And they're like, can we get a picture?
I go, I'm kind of doing the thing.
They're like, real quick, real quick.
And I'm like, it's easier just to take the picture than to.
And so I take the picture.
She goes, i understand that this allows us to do this she goes it would be nice just to have my dad sometimes and and i was like i know and it's it's sharing your your time with with fans is what is difficult for them and i'm not a good guy at like saying no like i i don't I've seen my friends do that before and it always rubs me wrong.
I'm like, just take a picture.
Yeah.
Yeah, I feel the same way.
Yeah.
It's like a, it's almost like this is the reason why you get to do what you love every day and the least you can do is least you can do is take a second and listen to someone.
Yeah, and I'm assuming with you as well people have great stories like that's how I feel like I get to talk to people who just have amazing stories to share and life-changing moments and I'm like I feel like if I didn't sit there and listen to that it almost gives me fuel to keep going and you know keep moving because yeah, I hear amazing things.
I'm sure you do too.
Oh, I mean, you know, you forget.
you know a little bit of what we do is talk we talk you know there's someone right now that probably has a weird relationship with their dad and is hearing this and it's going you know, there's things that we hope it's funny too, but, you know, like doing the biggest one I always got was you got me through the pandemic.
Cause, you know, we put out content for them to distract themselves with.
A lot of people didn't have big houses to stay in during the pandemic.
They were in an apartment and they're just like, this is miserable.
And I get that a lot.
I get, you know, right now the one I'm getting is, you know, you know, we just put our dog down.
You, I've never, I've never laughed and sobbed at the same time.
Thank you for letting us process.
And, but, you know,
the least I can do is take a second and talk to someone who wants to say hi to me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it's like, I mean, that, that's something that you do quite uniquely, I feel.
Like the ability to make someone laugh and cry.
Even like as we've been talking today, I'm like, I'm like having like a really emotional moment with you.
And then you're like making me crack off at the other end with like grandma's funeral, like being at the hospital.
And there's a, there's a real beauty in that.
Like, have you ever sat and thought about like, was this the first time in this special that you got extra emotional and got people to fry was this like one of the first times or yeah i've never done this before i mean i'm i'm i know i don't mean this like cocky but i don't think i don't think there's a lot of comics that's what i'm saying yeah that are that are doing that and i and i'm and i didn't know if i should do it like what made you do it like why did you go there it was ready i did that story before razzle dazzle i was going to do it at the end of razzle dazzle and i just thought i don't know it just it felt weird to me for that material that material it felt weird and i and then and i was and georgia called me one time on stage i was on stage and right before i released rise of dazzled she goes what are you doing i said i'm doing stand-up she goes oh are you telling the escape room story and i was like no why should i she goes absolutely dad you remember you almost shit in papa's mouth and i went oh yeah and then she kind of broke down the story on stage told it i went that's my closer and i was like good i'll get made fun of if i do this dog story everyone's going to make fun of me and and and say i i just i can i'm i'm thinking of it too much and then i do this special and uh everyone i was working with was like, are you seeing what's happening in the room?
And I was like, no, because you can't really see anything.
And it's an arena.
And they're like, yo, we're out there.
And they're like, grown men are sobbing, crying.
Like people are holding each other and laughing and crying at the same time.
They're like, this is different.
Like, I remember a dude I really respect, I brought with me on the road.
He's like, that has to be your closer.
He's like, that he goes, I don't know one comic making people cry, but making them happy cry.
Like they're crying for something they love.
And then they're laughing And you end on a laugh, he's like, You have to do it.
I just didn't know if it was working.
It was like what you said about writing a book.
You sit with it for four years, and then I shot this in July, and it just came out this March.
So, I've been sitting on this special, and I just was like, I am going to get destroyed.
Like, I just started in my head going, like, no one's going to like this.
Everyone's going to make fun of this last story.
They're going to go, Oh, Bert always cries, that's all he does.
And
I put it out
like the first day it was trending at number two.
And I went, which I'd never trended over six.
And I was like, whoa, that's weird.
And I went into my stories where people like mention you.
And it just looked like a straight line.
And I was like, whoa.
And I was like, I only got one story.
I only got one person mentioning me.
And I hit it.
And I hit it.
And I was like, oh my God, I couldn't get the line to go away.
And I was like, and it was.
all about this story.
Everyone was just sobbing, crying.
People were sending me pictures of their dogs.
They were holding their dogs.
They were filming their husbands crying.
They were, I mean, it was so cathartic for me.
And I'll be very real.
So you get on Netflix on a Tuesday.
You find out if you trend on Wednesday.
I did press all Wednesday morning from six in the morning till nine o'clock.
I don't know if anyone's liked the special.
I don't know if it's trending.
I don't know any of that.
I go and take a nap.
And I'm waiting for an agent or someone to text me.
Like, I figured, I said to myself, if it just trends in the top 10, I'm going to be happy.
Look, I'm 52.
Maybe there's guys doing it better than me, younger than me.
I expect them to just blow my doors off.
Just please tell me I have another year of doing stand-up.
That's where your head's thinking.
And I took a nap.
I woke up and I got a text from a younger comic I really, really like, Ricky Velez.
And he just said, yo, man, you're killing it.
This is a great special.
I've been a fan of yours for a while.
I'd love to hang out next time.
I'm in LA.
Not do a podcast, hang out.
I was like, oh, that's cool.
And I like this guy.
This guy's doing what I was trying to do at his age.
He's doing it way better than I'm doing it.
So I was like, oh, nice.
I was like, he liked the special.
Cool.
I was like, nice.
A young kid liked the special.
And then my texts blow up.
And that's when I went into my stories and I saw it.
And as I'm watching the stories people are saying, I started sobbing, crying just out of gratitude, out of just sitting there going like, oh, the thing I did is good.
It's not horrible.
It's not horrible.
People don't hate me.
Oh, I was just sobbing, crying in my bed.
And I was like, and then Leanne comes in from from her workout class.
She's like, what's wrong with you?
She just walks in.
She goes, you're training at number two.
And I was like, what?
I didn't even look at Netflix.
And then I was like, and so I was like, whatever.
I'm good.
My first day was good.
And then it's been like that.
Every day, the response has been crazy.
People really are connecting with that last story.
Yeah.
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Talk to me about what you just said now,
that inevitable embracing of insignificance and irrelevance that everyone goes through.
Like that idea that One day,
no one's going to care about me.
No one's going to care about you.
No one's going to care about 99.9 of everyone who's relevant current whatever trending we want to call it and there's that thing that creatives go to where you see them holding on to their last bit of relevance and significance and it's painful to watch yeah but you understand it because you go well wait a minute i really liked no matter how much we say like you know ellen ellen said something that i love she goes i used to always say i didn't care what people thought that's when everyone thought i was amazing like you know it's like it's really easy to say i don't care what what anyone thinks when I'm the number one person in the world.
But then, when you actually are not number one, number two, number three, number four, you, you start getting down on that list.
You're beyond number 10.
Now, you do start caring what people think, especially like what you said, the new God.
Like, and especially when the new God has respect, that's a beautiful thing.
Yeah.
But when the new God's kind of like, you know, living how you were when you were the new God, who has that overconfidence, that arrogance.
How do you think about that?
Like, how have you reflected?
Have you thought about that at all?
That's all I think.
You gotta remember, I didn't, I was like,
I was just gonna be a journeyman comic.
Like, I wasn't supposed to be successful.
I, I, I, you know, I did Travel Channel and I thought that was gonna be my life.
And then when I got let go from Travel Channel and my special didn't do well, never, the machine didn't do well, and I'm getting fat shamed by Tommy.
I was like, okay, I remember saying,
Are we cool with this?
Can we do this like this at this level?
Like, I was the guy at the store when people would talk to me, more successful comics would talk to me.
They'd look over my shoulder waiting for someone better to talk to.
I was a nice guy.
People liked me, but I wasn't relevant to them.
And so they were like, ooh, that guy's, oh, that guy's 28 and he's killing it.
Give me one second, bro.
I'm going to go talk to him.
And I was like, am I cool with that?
I remember one time coming off stage, not wearing cool sneakers, wearing dad jeans and seeing a young comic murdering it in the car that my wife and I had seen.
We had looked at that brand car.
And he had the car they had in the showroom i had a car was like 220 000 and i was like oh how did how can he afford that so i wasn't supposed to be successful and i was cool with it i was definitely cool with it i was like i can just do comedy at funny bones i love comedy i'll keep putting out specials maybe never know look rogan's a good friend i can always do his podcast you know that's how my brain worked i had my podcast but no one cared And then I had a conversation with my dad.
I got let go from travel channel.
I had a conversation with Rogan and him and Tommy, I remember them both saying like, don't worry, we can help you get ad sales.
And I was like, okay.
And then I posted the machine story.
And then all of a sudden, it went like crazy.
I mean, I had never experienced that before, like genuinely viral.
And
then all of a sudden I started selling tickets.
And I was like, whoa.
Holy crap, this is crazy.
He's just selling out, not looking at ticket counts, just going in and knowing everything's clean.
And so
I really honestly had kind of already let go of all of it.
But there's a part of me that remembers, oh, it was cool when they, I remember, I remember getting, right before I got let go into Travel San Hill, I got into a town car.
They got me a town car for something.
And I remember getting in and going, this is the last town car I'll ride in.
I was like, I should really enjoy this.
So I kept always saying that.
Every time I went.
to theaters, I was like, I probably won't do theaters again.
You only do theaters once, really.
I'll go back to clubs, but enjoy this.
This is the Chicago theater.
Let's go for a jog tonight and watch the sunset.
And then, yo, this is crazy.
I'm doing the beacon.
I probably am not going to sell two shows at the beacon ever again.
So let's really enjoy this.
And I brought my girls that I grew up with in Tampa up to the out to my bus and we hung out.
And, and I, and then when I started doing a re, I didn't even know I was going to do arenas.
I didn't know I was doing an arena.
I was in Green Bay.
And I was like, I'm doing an arena.
And they're like, yeah.
And I was like, whoa, I got to really enjoy this.
And so I, every step of the way, have been like, I got to enjoy this.
But then, you know, I take nine months off, wait for the special to be released.
And I was, I'm, and I, I did it again.
Am I cool with not being relevant?
Am I cool with not being the thing, the shiny object?
And maybe going back to clubs or going back to theaters.
I remember I texted my manager today.
I go, hey, guys, I don't need to do arenas anymore.
I can do, I love theaters.
I saw Kevin Hart did a theater.
I go, there's no shame in doing a theater.
A lot of them, you can see a lot of me make more money than an arena.
And then the special came out and I was like, it was just like a relief.
I was like,
i was like i can breathe i can breathe that oh my god that is like
and uh
and then we were on a call today and they're like yo you know doing arenas again in the fall starting in september and i told them i said and i said to them i said you know hey when we book out 2026 i don't have to do arena tours like i don't have to be holding on to something i'm cool with doing some clubs and doing some some theaters and and and and doing some outdoor venues i'd like to do the gorge again.
But like, I go, let's shake it up, you know?
And they were all like, really?
I was like, yeah.
I don't know.
I don't care.
Like, it's, but that, it's,
I've watched it go away for people.
It sucks.
You're right.
Watching someone hold too tightly.
That's why that song, Hold On Loosely by 30A Special is so great.
Hold on loosely and don't let go.
Because if you hold too tight, girl, you're going to lose control.
You're going to, you're going to, that's a great song.
It's a great song.
hold on loosely no i love that that's a great name for a special yeah yeah it is a good yeah it is a good name i love what you're saying though that
i was i was driving to one of my clients homes the other day and this is someone i grew up watching huge fan of someone that i coach and work with and i was driving to his house and i walked in and you know it's like it's like a mile drive from the gate to even get to the house yeah and i was just like I have to live in the moment that I cannot believe.
And now
I've been working with him for seven years.
So I've driven to this house like every day for years.
But I was like, it loses its value when I stop being grateful for it.
As soon as it becomes familiar, like what you're saying, I love what you just said.
I love, love, love what you just said.
Because as soon as greatness becomes familiar and excellence becomes familiar and all of this stuff becomes familiar, you lose its value.
And then when you lose it,
you don't you never got to experience it.
So you realize you never had it in the first place because you were just running after it.
You were chasing the whole time oh yeah you never held it and what you just said is you held it for that moment i still hold it yeah you still i just signed up when i did the machine
my producer kale boyer he's he's the one of the greatest guys like guys happens to be a great movie producer and i was like yeah i'm gonna um i'm gonna not drink and not i'm gonna be clean i'm gonna work out i'm gonna eat clean i'm gonna look good And he just kind of looked at me and he's like, hey, man,
that's not who I hired.
He's like, look, if I know who you are, like if you're not having fun, you're not going to, it's going to show up on screen.
But if you're having fun, it'll show up on screen.
Like if you were having fun and he goes, I can't tell you the movie's going to be a hit.
I can't tell if it's going to be a flop.
You never know.
But what I can tell you is you're probably only going to get to make one movie.
So enjoy this process.
Have fun.
And man, I had so much fun making the machine.
It was the experience of a lifetime because every day I was like, I will never make another movie.
I will never have another movie where I don't have to memorize lines because I say whatever I want to say.
Like
it was like the greatest life experience of my life.
But yeah, that's how I look at every project.
This is probably the last one I'll do.
You know, I thought, I know I have one more special with Netflix.
Like I owe them one.
And I go, that might be my last one.
That only makes it better there.
So the cool thing about a special, and
you don't get to experience this.
And I don't think some comics think about this, but I think about this.
So I take this material that I create about 18, 24 months out, and I take this and I work it and I play with it.
And at a certain point, I get bored of it and I reinvent it and I come back to it, but I play with this.
For two years, I work on this same stuff.
And when I do my last taping, I did six shows.
And on my last taping, I was present and I said, this is the last time I'll say these words.
Oh, it's like, it's like I give them the universe.
They'll never get them again.
And I get so emotional saying that, but you know, you're so, your material is who you are.
And I can't, and I go, this is the last time I'll say this word, this wording in this cadence.
And it's just so,
it's, but with a band, you never do that.
Yeah.
And then sometimes you tell a story like a machine and you've been telling it now for 15 years.
And I'll still tell it.
I'll still tell it.
Listen, I was that story changed my, I sat, listen.
I sat in the Ryman theater.
There's a woman named Angela Johnson, brilliant comic.
She's got a great nail salon bit.
I was with Arch Fear and Nate Bargatzi.
None of us were working very well.
None of us were making money.
She had sold out the Rhymen and they were chanting for this nail salon bit.
And I said to the Lord, I said, Lord, give me one bit that people give a shit about.
I'll tell it until the day I die.
And he was definitely listening.
He was like, I got you.
I'll one up it.
I'll make it a 12-minute bit.
You're going to make a movie out of this bit.
I'll tell, I got you.
And that's my nail salon bit.
You've always been so open about mental health.
And I'm talking about anxiety.
And, you know, that's a big priority for us here as well, because I find that so many people in their journey never get to share that.
People don't get to see that.
Within people, you've talked about anxiety, intrusive thoughts.
Like, why were you comfortable enough to open up about that without thinking people are going to pick at that?
Look at that weird, your peers kind of, where did that get you get that courage and confidence?
I think it was stupidity.
I think, I mean, I just was like,
You know, when I got into the business, I was like, 100% transparency.
I was watching comics as a character and I was like, that doesn't seem fun.
So you're going to pick a character and then you're going to stay a character your whole life.
I was like, I'm going to be Bert and I'm just going to be Bert.
And anything I think I say.
And I'm going to live by the sword, die by the sword.
This is my thing.
And when anxiety came up, I just was like, yo, it's, I have anxiety.
Like, I have anxiety.
I have really bad anxiety.
I have OCD.
I have intrusive thought.
I have.
I have struggled with that.
I don't know.
I don't think I have depression only because I just, I can't, I can't, I can't.
I think people that have real, real depression think it's insulting for me to think the thing I go through is depression.
I know what it's like to have anxiety.
I had an anxiety attack driving in college and I didn't know what it was.
I thought I had a brain tumor.
And then the first time I was explaining it to someone,
and then this is, I mean, this is probably 27 years old, 28 years old.
I was explaining it to someone and they were like, oh, you get anxiety attacks.
I went to a therapist and she said, I have a fear of flying.
I don't know if you noticed but i have a fear of flying i rituals i do when i fly she said well yeah you have anxiety let me give you xanax then i took xanax and i was like oh my god is this what regular people feel like i was like are you kidding me and then i i developed a problem with xanax as as many people with anxiety do and my wife went right when we had georgia she said yo you're done taking xanax like i'd taken it i'd been using it you know on and off for like a year and she maybe a little more and georgia in the end's like you're done with xanax it's you can have one if you need one but it can't be your go-to every night.
It can't be the way you put yourself to sleep.
And then when I said, we started doing podcasts, I just was like,
I don't know, I was like, I just be open and honest.
You know, I have ruminating thoughts where I just chew a thought over and over again.
What's been the most recent podcast?
This morning.
You won't want the one this morning.
A great, great comic, Nick Thune was telling me about when he quit drinking and he said he was having a liver failure and his back was hurting.
And this morning I woke woke up on my side and my back hurt.
And I went, that does it.
You've partied too much.
Your liver's failing.
Your liver's failing.
And I started going through thoughts.
I could not stop.
And I have a saying when I go, when I start having anxiety or OCD, I go, be like a shark.
Get out of bed and start moving.
Second, you start moving.
Things start helping.
And I go, get in the gym, get in the sauna.
Let's get in the sauna.
Let's get in the sauna.
Let's sweat some stuff out.
It's just back pain.
Trust me, you would have other symptoms.
And I, but I can't connect with it.
And it just, it goes on and on and on.
And then, and I just obsess about it.
And then I, and I bring it up to almost everyone.
I've brought it up to everyone I've seen today.
And then I go, no booze, no booze anymore.
I'm done for a month.
I'm going to cut off for a month.
That does it.
And then I come up here and I see your house.
I go, all right, bottle of champagne.
What's it going to hurt?
Right.
But
I have a saying with
life, whether you're dealing with anxiety, OCD, eating,
drinking, masturbating, whatever your little thing is, my saying is, and it kind of calms me down, let's do today just a little better than we did yesterday.
That's all we got to do.
Just a baby step, a little better than yesterday.
And if we have a bad day today, realize tomorrow,
we're going to do better.
We have an opportunity to do better tomorrow.
And so I've been stuck in that mindset today.
And I said, let's just get, let's do a little bit better today than we did yesterday.
And so that's where my head's at.
But yeah, they've gotten, I've had really, and you know, my daughters have anxiety and, and Leanne doesn't.
They have sleep anxiety.
They both had sleep anxiety when they were young.
So Georgia would
wake up and think she was dying.
And I remember I was so glad I had anxiety then because I could help her.
Leanne's like, just go count sheep.
I go, uh-uh, let's not count.
We're not counting.
That's the worst way to deal with this.
Just because if you, it's shutting your brain off is the thing you need to do.
And if your brain's just going after it, you're, you're screwed.
Yeah.
And so, uh,
but Leanne's also a gangster.
She got both of them into therapy immediately.
And this therapist helped them immensely.
But now Georgia and I can text about anxiety and talk about it.
And, you know, it's the best thing about it is when you know other people have it, is you're like, oh.
So I'm not broken.
I'm not crazy.
Definitely not.
Yeah.
And that's the greatest feeling.
And it's, it's, you know, my, look, my family's seen me.
When I get ready for a flight, it's like I get physically ill.
I start feeling my head getting tight.
I feel this.
And they're like, hey, you're just having anxiety.
And then to recognize it sometimes, it doesn't help 100%, but you can breathe.
That's one other one thing I always say.
Like, wait, I'm breathing.
I'm still breathing.
And I take deep breaths and
I'm still breathing.
Crazy anxiety scuba diving.
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oh yeah i mean definitely Trying to breathe and scuba dive is hard enough.
I mean, probably one of the biggest
panic attacks I ever had.
We're scuba diving in a thunderstorm in Fiji at 95.
Yeah, that'll do it.
And we're in a tin boat and I'm just like, I get in the water and we start sinking.
And I realize very quick, nothing I like is down at the bottom of this ocean.
And I start kicking up to the top.
And my dive instructor just grabs me, grabs my BC, grabs my thing, puts it in my mouth, like just holds it there.
And just going like this.
And I sunk with this Fijian woman who looked like junior Seoul.
She was a big woman.
And she took me to the bottom of the ocean.
And I was like,
and then, but, you know, I got through it.
You get through it.
Yeah.
You always get through it.
No one dies from anxiety.
You've developed enough coping mechanisms.
I don't know if I have, and I don't know if they're healthy.
I know alcohol has been a big coping mechanism of mine.
Yeah.
The first time I learned I could sleep without drinking, like, you know, because you do it from 22 to like, you know, 30.
And then one day you're like, I got to try to go to sleep without a cocktail or a glass of wine.
First time I did that, I was like, whoa, I can fall asleep.
Shut up.
Oh, my God.
I've got enough tools to shut my brain off.
Yeah.
And that relationship feels healthier now with alcohol.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, look, let's be real.
Alcohol is poison.
Everyone knows that.
It's not good.
You shouldn't do it.
But I'm also not a Mormon.
I like to have a good time.
I like to get loose.
It's for alcohol for me, it's not even the buzz.
I got to be honest with you.
It's the letting loose.
It's the celebration.
It's the, hey, do you want to do a shot?
And you go, oh, I definitely want to do it.
Like, like the, it's the permission to party.
Like it literally is.
I mean, I name that toward this because when someone's like, hey, man, when someone likes a joint, you're like, you want that?
That's, that's like, yo, let's do it.
Let's get after it.
I love when people crack open a bottle of wine, crack open a drink and go, hey, you, you want one?
It's the funnest thing in the world.
When flight attendants say to me, can I get you something to drink?
I love that because they don't always say that.
But when they do, I go, this is going to be a good fight.
I said, I have a speech that
people could pass around, but it is like a first kiss.
When we got married, Leanne goes, I said, does it bum you out?
You'll never have sex with anyone.
She goes, no, absolutely not.
I said, me either.
I said, I think I'm good just having sex with you.
She goes, what really bums me out is I'll never get a first kiss.
No, for us, that's the worst because we got to do the kiss.
All the anxiety is on us.
We got to wait the whole night.
Does she want to kiss me?
Is she going to kiss me?
Should I take her?
Should I do it in the car?
Should I do it when we walk to the car?
When should I do it?
Oh, no, that was the wrong time.
That was the wrong time.
For a woman, it's just this excitement of like, when's it going to happen?
Is he doing it now?
When's my present show up?
And that's how I feel about shots.
What's the whoop telling you?
I see you at the whoop on.
So I'm crazy.
I'm crazy neurotic, okay?
Okay.
So I check all of it.
My favorite day in the year is what,
December 30th when they post our scores.
I love whoop.
And I have found that if I am overly hydrated,
my heart rate is lower.
So every night before I go to bed, I drink four liquid desks, 19-ounce liquid desks.
I drink four of them.
I pee in the middle of the night, but I drink four of them.
My heart rate's around 56 beats per minute when I, and I, and that's after having, you know, a bottle of wine or some porosos.
And I, so I'm wildly hydrated.
And that is my key for my whoop.
It also, you know, for me, it also tells you how hard to work out.
I love that.
I love a goal.
Because, you know, when we did the first sober October, we were Charles, all set trying to set goals of how hard we can work out.
And that when you see the top of the mountain, you know where you have to go.
And so you go, all right, I'm not done.
I'm getting back on the treadmill.
I'm going to get on the assault bike.
Okay, we're going to do the skierg for, we'll do, and like, I love that.
Like right now, I've already hit my goal.
My goal was, like, I slept horrible last night.
My goal was,
I think at 10, and I'm at 9.6.
But if it wasn't.
Go to the gym, hit the ski erg, 10 calories, 10 times, and we'll see, we'll just get there.
And get them a minute break.
Yeah, I like that shit.
I I love it.
I love whoops too.
It's great to measure.
You need it.
And then they measure your steps.
And you're like, yo, whoop, how long have you been doing that?
Because you, I didn't send this in.
You just turned something on.
Give me my old steps.
I want to know what my old steps were.
Yeah.
Yeah.
When I started measuring steps, it was the very first.
I got a Fitbit, the little one you put in your pocket.
And bro, that changed the game for me.
I was like, I'm into fitness tracking.
And then when they sent these to us for the first, second, sober, October,
buddy, I've been, this thing does not come off my wrist unless I do a special.
special, I take it off.
You're going to need to pay me for that whoop.
Yeah,
we should figure that out.
Yeah.
They used to, they still do.
They, they're pretty good to us.
Yeah.
I love that.
But it has been, I mean, you are literally the best time.
Buddy, you're the best interview I've ever done.
You're so good at this.
I feel so present.
It's crazy.
But you're so much fun.
You got to realize this is like, there's good chemistry.
What we should do is we should have a double date, your wife and my wife.
I love that.
And then my wife's going to go, shut the f up burnt let him talk
i can't wait to me i know honestly we have to hang outside of this like i'd love that i've got your number you have such a good time and we end every episode with a final five these questions have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum okay but i may ask you to elaborate because i think you're going to give me some awesome answers so question number one is what is the best advice you've ever heard or received uh don't take anyone's advice
as the best advice.
But sometimes everyone's advice is so built up with their bullshit.
I remember posting a dance video and everyone's like, why would you do that?
Sold out my tour in seconds.
I'm so glad I didn't listen to anybody.
Don't take anybody.
That's a good story.
Don't take anyone's advice.
I love that.
I fully agree.
The amount of publishers that told me not to call my book Think Like a Monk, that was my first book.
And they were like, Don't call it that.
No one wants to think like a monk.
They're telling you, they're giving you advice based on their failures.
Totally.
And you're not not them totally and then data which is which is already in the past yeah right having said that joe rogan gave me the best advice ever and he just said he just said to me just you know a little high a little drunk in the back of the store he's like you need a netflix special and i was like yeah he's like no you need one i was like i don't know how to get that joe and he goes be undeniable and he just walked away i was like the does that mean
i wrote in my joke book and i just tried to figure it out then when you are undeniable you're like oh
that was great advice I love that.
Question number two.
What is the worst advice you've ever heard or received?
Worst advice I ever got was
you should start wearing a shirt.
If I had worn a shirt.
She told you that.
I won't say her name, but someone that worked at Showtime, she said, hey, you should wear a shirt for this.
Trust me, no one does it without a shirt for a reason.
You should wear a shirt.
And I was, and I almost did.
And then she said, how about this?
You do one with a shirt, one without a shirt.
Okay.
And I said, well, then we can't cut in between them.
She goes, yeah, we'll use the one with the shirt.
Do not do it without a shirt.
And I was like, I don't know.
I remember thinking, I'm a little different.
Like, I want to do it my way.
Like, I know that, and then a lot of people were like, why would you not wear a shirt?
My dad, why would you, buddy, put on a Brooks Brothers coat, a tie, look sharp.
And I was like, no, I'm going to do it shirtless.
And thank God.
I mean, it, like,
I think that's been my, I mean, that's how sometimes people just go, oh, I didn't recognize you with the shirt on.
That's so good.
I, you know what?
When you came in today and I buzzed you in and I saw you without your shirt on, I was like, he's going to do it without a shirt.
I love it.
I love it.
I was like, he's going to do it without a shirt.
I told the team, I was like, he's come without a shirt.
He's going to do it.
And then you came out of the car.
Yeah.
And then
your team had your shirt.
And I was like, oh, okay.
People would turn on.
My breasts are just too meaty.
I'm at the point now where my breasts hit my stomach.
You don't know what that's like.
It's sad.
I look good standing up shirtless, but sitting down shirtless, I learned a melted candle.
Dude, it's great.
I love it.
I was so, I was like, guys, he's going to do it with this shirt.
I can answer these last ones shirtless, just to, just to really be brand friendly.
God, this is a nice shirt, it's a really nice shirt.
I really like it.
I don't know.
You look great, bro.
You look great.
Oh, thank you.
Yeah, it's like, wow.
We're getting, oh, there we go.
Okay.
We're getting the full experience.
I love it.
Now I'm like, okay, what's our next question?
You're amazing.
I love this.
Question number three is
what's different and similar about the way you parent your kids and the way your dad parented you?
Oh
I'll tell you what's similar.
Okay.
I parented my kids the exact way my dad parented me.
What's different is my kids are smarter than I was and they told me I was doing it wrong.
Dude, I was a raise your voice, raise your voice kind of dad.
Girls didn't.
I remember the biggest fight we ever gotten with girls, they took the collars.
They like when our dogs are naked and we have bull masters.
I go, girls, the second you take the collars off, I can't control that dog.
And they let both the dogs out and they chased a woman.
And I couldn't get them to say the collars.
And I came in and I started yelling at my girls.
And Georgia goes, just so you know, when you get to here, we know there's nowhere else you're going.
And I was like, what?
And she goes, the threat's over.
This is as bad as it gets.
And I was like, what?
She goes, you're not going to hit us.
So it's not working.
All right.
And I was like, oh, shit.
And I realized, oh, it's not working.
You can't just go like, that does it.
I'm not, because this is as bad as it gets.
I go, okay, where does it go from here?
And then Georgia took the car with her friends in it.
You're not allowed to do that.
And she was like, here we go again.
Leanne caught her.
And I said, yo, come home right now.
She drops her friends off.
She comes home.
She sits and she's like, all right, do it.
Like, like that.
I go, hey.
It's just unsafe.
Can you do me a favor?
Just write like, write like a thousand words on why you think that I'd be upset about this.
And she started crying.
And she goes, wait, you're not going to yell at me?
I went, no.
I go, it doesn't work.
You said that.
It doesn't work.
And it doesn't work.
You're still, you're still doing bad things.
So like, just write a thousand words and then give it to me.
And she started sobbing, crying.
And she was like, she goes, I think you're, you're turning into like a really great dad.
And I was like, really?
And she goes, dad, you, you understand me.
Like, you're, dad, it didn't work.
And then she wrote a thousand words and it was all a thousand words why she loves me and doesn't want to let me down.
And I went, oh shit.
Yeah.
I love my dad, but he didn't do that.
Wow.
Do you think having the duo has changed you?
Like that was a good thing.
Oh, yeah.
Those two kids, those two kids are just incredible kids.
Really incredible kids who get it and
get me.
And
I'm not perfect.
Trying to plan a trip to Hawaii and both of them want to get jobs this summer.
I'm like, what are we talking about?
If my dad said Hawaii, I'd be like, yeah, I'll grab my job tomorrow, dad.
Yeah.
I love that.
Question number four.
You're such an open book.
What's something people don't know about you that they'd be surprised to hear?
I think if people heard my inner dialogue sometimes,
I think they'd,
I think people would be bummed out for me.
Oh, interesting.
You know how you say like the things sometimes you say to yourself, you go,
I forget the quote, but it's like, you know,
what would you say if someone was saying that about your daughter?
Yeah.
And you go, oh,
I beat that person up.
And then they're like, why would you let them do it to you?
Sometimes my inner dialogue can be really punitive.
And
I think if people heard it, they would, it would break their heart a little bit.
And that's the one thing I tried better to change about myself is my inner dialogue, to be more positive about myself.
But at the same time, that punitiveness is the thing that drives me a little bit, where I go, don't let them, if they think that about you, you change, you do better.
You get, that does it.
let's get in the gym let's write let's read that script let's let's do that movie let's challenge ourselves to do that let's go back on tour let's take time off like i think that inner dialogue as unhealthy as it may be i bet if most people heard that inner dialogue they'd give me a hug and go i do the same
yeah definitely yeah i think we all do it i do it we all do it you just look in the mirror and then you you should be happy
look at these crystal blue electric eyes oh man i think we're it's there's so many i i think you're spartan there's so many, and by the way, it is that you're, you're somewhat trained to be driven and you know that that level of setting that standard high is what lets you rise and keep going.
Otherwise, we would have sat here for 10 minutes and walked off, right?
Like what there's no need.
So there's that and then there's the compassion.
And that's why I've seen the best performers in the world, they have high standards, but then they have high grace.
And it's like, if you have one or the other, it doesn't work.
Like if you have high standards and you have low grace, you can't can't actually keep to those high standards.
And if you have low standards and high grace, well, then you'll never get anywhere.
I'm always blown away by guys with crazy confidence.
Yeah.
And I'm like, is that real?
Yeah.
Like, I go like, like, people just talk wild shit.
I'm like, I'm like, yo, I'm actually a good comic.
I'm better than, like, I'm like legit, but like, you believe that about yourself?
Yeah.
I'm always blown away by that.
Yeah.
But you have to.
You have to.
There was this great Federer gave this, Roger Federer, the tennis player, gave this amazing commencement speech last year and he was saying that he's only won something like 60 of his points in his lifetime and he was saying the best thing i have to do is lose a point and then forget about that point like i gotta move on because otherwise i'm gonna lose the next point lose the next point if i keep thinking about that last loss but he goes i've lost a ton of points in my life he goes my skill is not to not lose points my skill is to be able to leave that point that i lost in the background and go win the next point.
And I feel like that, that's that compassion, that's that grace of like, just move on.
Next one.
Like you did with your next special.
The first one didn't work out.
Next one.
Like, let's see what can go.
So
it's crazy.
I think that's,
yeah, I don't know who I'd be with if I like I sometimes toy with the idea of getting on Prozac or something.
And then I go, but wait, I don't want to get rid of the,
maybe that's my, my mom, I told her I was going to get on Prozac.
She goes, oh, honey, those are your nooks and crannies.
It's like, what?
My mom has zero anxiety.
Zero anxiety.
Wow.
I love that.
My dad called one time.
He was calling me on FaceTime.
He goes, hey, hey, buddy, I want to just tell you that I love you.
I'm going into surgery tomorrow.
I go, okay.
I said, was it a crazy surgery?
And he goes, no, but you know, you know, I just want to, you know, know, I love you.
And I hear from my mom in the background go, sometimes they don't wake up.
And I was like, wait, mom, what?
She said, sometimes they don't wake up.
So your dad may not wake up.
He may die.
And I'm like,
I look at my dad's eyes and he's like, I live with this woman.
Oh, God.
Last two questions.
All right.
Where am I?
Let's do.
Okay.
Yeah.
So has there ever been a joke or something you said in a roast or something like that on stage where you're like, yeah, I went too far.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
Every podcast I do.
You're sensitive too.
That's your thing.
Oh,
I never want a joke to hurt someone.
Yeah.
I remember I told a joke one time about
black women.
It was a good joke.
I would have stood by it had a fan not come up to me.
It was a black woman.
She was really pretty.
And she said, hey, man,
I'm a fan.
And I was like, cool.
She goes, I just want you to know that that joke kind of hurt a little bit.
And she goes, and I know that wasn't your intention, but
it didn't make me feel like I was still part of the team.
I felt like I was now an outsider.
And I went, ooh.
She goes, yeah, I know.
She goes, I didn't, I wasn't thinking about being black until you said that.
And then when you said it, I realized, I was like, I'm the only black woman in there.
And I went, oh, that's not my intention.
And she goes, I know.
That's why I'm telling you.
Wow.
And I was like, yeah.
And I remember, but you don't realize that when you do comedy, you're just trying to get laughs, right?
And the one time I didn't believe a guy was blind and he was blind.
I really regret that.
I didn't, Tommy told me he wasn't blind.
He was lying.
And I tested him.
And then he got up and he was really blind.
And I was like, wow, he, he's really blind.
And they're like, he got blind two days ago.
And I was like, oh, God.
So he wasn't.
It was, yeah, that was,
hey, I could, we could do a podcast on regrets.
I've been doing this 25 years.
I regret a lot.
What about what about when you said your daughter's CEO special?
And they're like, dad, stop being a misogynist.
They were like, they told me, they go, you're like, dad's just a misogynist.
And I went, no, I'm not.
And they went, have you ever watched your stand-up?
And I was like, yeah.
And they're like, do you hear the way you talk about mom?
And I was like, yeah, but that's mom.
And they're like, dude, dad,
you're a wild misogynist.
And then Isla was like, could you just write a joke?
for women, like to make the women feel like better than the men.
And I was like, I i can do that and then i wrote it and they didn't like it they didn't definitely didn't like it but but maybe that's coming maybe you're you're moving in that direction maybe i don't know i don't know what my direction is now that i have this crying joke at the end i feel like everyone's going to be like what are you going to make us cry about next and i'll be like oh god i hope my dad dies
so i buried my dad they're like here we go
Final question.
We ask this to every guest who's ever been on the show.
If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?
The law I would make,
like, I really dig like a siesta in Spain,
but not everyone's a napper.
But I like that concept that there's like, I would do like, I would do state-mandated happy hours, like state-mandated happy hours.
We're like, we're like, you, you had at five o'clock when you got off work, you couldn't go home.
You had to go to, everyone had court-appointed bars and you had to go to these bars.
And you don't have to drink, but you got to spend time and talk to people in the community.
Like, you got to go there.
And people can drink.
And it's only an hour.
It's one hour, but everyone goes.
And everyone has to go and be social and just be connected to that.
That's what I think is so cool about London.
We were talking about that is the pub energy.
You guys got that.
And I think that in America, if we knew, like, I was like, oh, we got to wrap this up.
We got to go to Chili's real quick.
And you're like, oh, you go to Chili's too?
I go, well, this week, I'm going to Chili's.
And then we went to Chili's and you're like, we should get a drink.
I think that would be awesome.
and i would definitely do comedy at those shows i would love that court appointed mandated happy hour comedy shows oh there we go no first time ever we've had that on the show so it's a good answer
i love it but crash you're lucky specials out i love crashing the luckiest dude dude this is so much fun you are buddy you're you're the best and and thank you for thank you for listening to me tell you how important i was on that plane i'm so glad i said that in the best way possible I was like, I was like, he is, I already know he's funny because I was like, no, normally if someone said that, you just, it wouldn't land, but you said it in the most sweet, endearing way.
I wish I had recorded that.
I know that.
I wish I had recorded that because I would love to hear what I sound like talking about myself because I know what it, I know it comes from a good place, but especially like, I can't, if I see someone I recognize, I get.
overwhelmed.
You were amazing.
You're so nice.
And then you mentioned Tom Segura.
And I was like, oh yeah, I know Tom because my videographer works with Tom.
And so I was aware.
And then, yeah, and I knew what two bears was.
But it was one of those weird situations where like, we just, but we hit it off.
Dude, you're here.
What's crazy is I had you, I had videos of you saved in my YouTube.
You sent them to me.
And I was like, I was like, I am watching.
I watch you.
I relax.
I sit back and listen to your interviews.
You're too kind, man.
Dude, you're the best.
I want to come to your next special, next live.
I'm there in the audience.
Done double date first.
I'd love that.
For that, that first.
That first.
Okay.
I love it.
I'm in.
Jake.
Thank you.
I love it.
Thank you, bro.
If you love love this episode, you'll love my interview with Will Smith on owning your truth and unlocking the power of manifestation.
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