Big Sean: Stop Wishing & Start Manifesting (THIS is the Secret Formula to Making Your Dreams a REALITY)

This is an iHeart podcast.

This episode of On Purpose is brought to you by Chase Sapphire Reserve.

I believe that travel is one of the greatest gifts that we've ever been given, and Chase Sapphire Reserve has been my gateway to the world's most captivating destinations.

Every time I travel, I find a part of myself I didn't know was missing.

I remember being in this small town, completely unplugged, and for the first time in a while, I felt still.

Travel does that.

It grounds you, expands you, and connects you to something deeper.

That's why I'm always looking for experiences that go beyond the typical.

Chase Sapphire Reserve makes traveling a breeze, earning eight times points on all purchases through Chase Travel and granting access to Sapphire Lounge by the club at select airports nationwide.

No matter my destination, travel is more rewarding with Chase Sapphire Reserve.

Discover more with Chase Sapphire Reserve at chase.com forward slash Sapphire Reserve.

Cards issued by JPMorgan Chase Bank, NA, member FDIC, subject to credit approval, terms apply.

Growing up, one of my favorite things about going back to school was picking out a new school supplies.

It wasn't just about notebooks or pencils, it was about starting fresh, setting intentions, and feeling prepared to grow.

Now as an adult, I still love that feeling.

And thanks to Amazon, it's easier than ever to help the students in your life feel the same.

Whether it's backpack, tech accessories or classroom essentials, Amazon has everything you need to start the school year strong, all in one place, at prices that just make sense.

Preparing for a new school year is more than a checklist.

It's a chance to build confidence, excitement, and a sense of purpose.

And with Amazon, you can make sure every student is ready to step into their full potential.

Shop back to school at Amazon.

Claude is the AI assistant from Anthropic that millions of people have turned to because it just feels different.

Not only is Claude an industry leader in writing and coding, but it's been designed with special attention to its character, a field of AI research that enhances empathy and emotional intelligence.

That's why Claude has become the if you know, you know, choice for personal reflection, relationship advice, vision boarding, and so much more.

You can try Claude for free at any time.

And for a special offer on premium capabilities with Claude Pro, head to claude.ai forward slash purpose.

That's C-L-A-U-D-E dot AI forward slash purpose.

You know how many people told me it was impossible.

I remember one of my teachers told me I was throwing my life away.

When I told her that I was thinking about turning down my full scholarship to grab.

He's a chart cop, a cultural icon.

I'm a Grammy-nominated artist.

Please give it up for

John.

Thank you so much.

What's the difference between wishing for something and manifesting something?

Wishing is one thing, but when you put your attention on the intention and add strategy to it, that is how you get to manifest.

If someone in the audience is feeling a low sense of confidence, what's the first step to building that confidence?

Everyone comes from different walks of life.

There is no real right or wrong in this life.

There's only a perspective.

Things can hurt you.

When you understand yourself more and you appreciate everything you have, you start to understand and you don't take things personally.

You've always been so open about depression and anxiety in a culture and in an art form that may not always allow for it.

How did you find a safe space in doing the career you had and being Big Sean, the rapper?

The commitment I made to myself to being authentic and sharing.

And when I started to go to therapy as a black man, I didn't know it was such a taboo thing.

What do you define success as?

Whatever you're doing on purpose is your purpose, as long as it's with the purpose.

The number one health and wellness podcast.

Jay Shetty.

Jay Shetty.

The one, the only Jay Shetty.

I am so pumped to finally share the live interviews from my very first podcast tour presented by Chase Sapphire Reserve.

This next one features a powerful conversation with Big Sean at the Met in Philadelphia.

One of the most thoughtful and inspiring voices in music.

I am so excited to be here tonight live at the Met in Philadelphia with the one and only Big Sean.

Sean and I have been friends for quite a while now.

And I'm so grateful that he's here today to be part of my first ever on purpose tour.

And I was so grateful that he let me write the foreword to his beautiful book.

Yes.

Go higher.

I saw some in the audience.

If you haven't got a copy.

I'd love to see it.

I'd love to see it.

No, thank you.

If you haven't got a copy, make sure you go and grab one.

It's truly a beautiful book.

And, you know, when I first met Sean, I was shocked as to how much self-work, healing he'd done from the beginning of his journey.

This wasn't something he'd come into.

It was something he'd inherited and started so much earlier.

And it touched me so deeply.

But, Sean, before we get into that, I wanted to start with what we've been talking about tonight.

And I know you were watching backstage, but we've been talking about this idea about how we're all limited.

by what we think people think of us.

And

I wanted you to share if there was a time in your life where you used to be worried about what you thought people thought about you and how that blocked your creativity and your spirit.

You know, I used to let the things I can't control control me.

You know what I mean?

And it was very conditional.

It was something that it's impossible to be successful in the business of pleasing everybody.

Like just something that you might as well let go of now.

And if you do please everybody, you're probably not going to be pleasing yourself.

You know what I mean?

So I do feel that, especially in entertainment, and when you get an opportunity to be, you got to understand, like, since I was 10, 11 years old, all I wanted to do was like be a rapper.

That was like the only thing that I wanted.

And I did super good in school.

I come from like a family of scholars.

My mom is an English and social studies teacher.

My grandma, first of all, my grandma was like one of the first female black captains in World War II.

So she was,

yeah.

R.I.P.

And she was like in that the sixth triple eight, what the Tyler Perry made a movie about.

She was like a part of the six triple eight.

So it was quite a,

you know, I had quite a grandmother, but she, she, to her, education was the way to a better life.

You know what I mean?

And my granddad was also in World War II.

And so I was somebody who I always did good in school, you know what I mean?

Like, just out of respect.

And, but I always knew that music was what I wanted to do.

And I had an opportunity to like go to school or to pursue music.

I go to school on a full scholarship as well.

And I chose the music thing.

And the beautiful thing, though, about my grandmother and my family is that even though I did the opposite, they still supported me.

And as a dad, now I see how important it is to not control your kids or in that case, grandkids, but to support them and to, you know, give them the fuel to say, hey, you can do anything you want to do.

Like, you know how many people told me it was impossible.

I remember one of my teachers told me I was throwing my life away.

When I told her that I was thinking about turning down my full scholarship to rap, she was like, no,

she was like, do not blow it.

Like, you know, and it took so much faith and so much trust.

And, you know, that trust, it's like you.

the letter you is right in the middle of trust and you have to trust yourself it's like you are the one that is like right in the middle of that trust and

it was just i can go on and on about the story but to fast forward a little bit and that's what this book is like honestly i'm not trying to sell my book to you guys that like It's not doing me in shameless plug, but this book is like the wisdom of like my whole family.

The whole, I was lucky enough to have like family members like my mom who introduced me to meditation, introduced me to strategize and told me like, look, if you really want to make this happen, visualize it, meditate, close your eyes, like you write it down, journal it out, you know, and it really,

I mean, it really made the world a difference.

I would not be sitting here talking to Jay Shetty if it wasn't for that.

And that's the whole point of writing the book.

And when I did my first interview with him, he was like, Yo, you got to write a book.

And I was like, I mean, that's something I want to do later on.

And

you realize how fleeting and how not promised life is.

And that when you have the wanting of something, when you have the desire, I don't even like using want that much because it acknowledges that I don't have it.

I like to think that I already have it.

When you have a desire, when you have a passion for something, just do it as soon as you can because nothing is promised.

We think we have this concept of time, like, oh, I got to like, I'm old.

Like, that's not all the way true.

And that's not a bad thing.

It's really not a bad thing.

It's just, it's actually beauty in that.

So, for me, that's what this book is.

It's just kind of like for people who may not be clear enough to how to get to the next part of their lives, people who may feel stuck, people who, you know, we all go through the ups and downs of life.

And I feel like this book is a great book of strategy to just, you know, something that I can't wait for my son to read or pass on to people, you know.

So, I'm really thankful for you for helping me do that, man.

It means a lot.

Yeah.

I felt it immediately when we first spoke.

And I wanted to ask you the difference because I think.

Oh, sorry, but I didn't answer your question about controlling.

So

my bad, I went off a little bit.

Let me answer that real quick, quickly, too.

I won't take like too much time.

Yes, there are times where I did feel very controlled and trying to

do,

you know, the idea of what people wanted me to do.

And it was very depressing sometimes.

And sometimes it worked out.

Sometimes it was like, oh, thank God I listened to you.

But at the same time, it doesn't feel the same as when you just listen to yourself.

You got to let go of the idea of succeeding and not succeeding.

You got to understand that it's all just a part of the same journey.

It's all like,

you know, you may learn more about winning by losing.

You know what I mean?

It's like if the sun was sunny every day, you wouldn't even appreciate it.

It's the storms that make the sun shine so much more.

It's the yin and yang of it.

But

it's something that you should definitely keep in mind.

Yeah, I was thinking about it as you were talking.

You know, we were talking about dreams earlier, and you know, everyone in this audience got dreams, got ideas, got visions of what their better life looks like.

And I wanted to ask you the difference between wishing and manifesting.

Yeah, what's the difference?

Because I think a lot of people are trying to manifest, but then they're not seeing it.

And a lot of people might be wishing.

So, what's the difference between wishing for something, wanting for something, and manifesting something?

Wow, that's a very good question.

I think the difference between wishing something and manifesting something

is

one is an idea, one is a dream, one is a concept.

The other one is

everything that you've accumulated in action.

When you manifest something, you are in the middle of it.

You may not even realize it's happening, but I always like to think of the energy of already having it.

It's like, to me, that's the, that's already manifesting.

It's like, it's the difference between being like, you know, I really want that car.

That's like wishing it to being like, man, what, like the steering, like you, you can like smell it.

You know what I mean?

When you, when you psych yourself out, because your subconscious mind doesn't know the difference between what's real and what you are feeding it or what's real to you.

So that meaning, that being said, when you meditate.

and you visualize yourself on a beach with your feet in the sand, your subconscious mind, which to me is the relationship between you and God, or the universe, or whatever you believe in, of manifesting.

I was one of these books I read a long time ago, and it was talking about how when you speak, there's these like crystals in water.

And when you speak to it positively, the crystals become these beautiful-looking like snowflakes.

And when you speak to it negatively, when you say all these, like you suck, you know, all these things like that, it like the crystals like look like damaged rocks.

So you got to understand

if it has that effect on water what are we 70 made of

water right so

it's really the power you know when you manifest something it's like the power of your subconscious is so important to really focus and feed that even if you don't even if you technically your logical mind doesn't believe it if you just keep feeding it you'll see that you're a walking magnet it's going to show up in your life one way or another i promise you yeah i love that i love that i love that insight And I was thinking about it as well.

I feel like manifesting is being in love with the process

and wishing is being in love with the result.

And so when you're manifesting, right?

Like when you're manifesting, it's what you said.

You can smell the car.

You're thinking about the work you're going to have to do to get it.

You're dreaming about waking up every day and putting in the time because you know where it's going, but you're obsessed with the process.

The process.

And wishing is just like, I I can't wait till I have it.

I wish I had it.

Why did they have it?

I don't have it.

They don't deserve it.

And it becomes all about the end.

And the problem with that is it just feels further and further and further away and out of reach, right?

Yeah, especially when you don't put a strategy to the wishing.

And I think once you put the strategy to the wishing and the attention on your intention, that's what turns it from wishing to manifesting.

Yeah.

Say that again.

That was good.

That was good.

You said it too fast.

I forgot what I said.

You were rapping it.

Yeah, no.

Attention and watching.

Yeah, I was saying that, you know, wishing is one thing, but when you put your attention on the intention and add strategy to it, that is how you get to manifesting.

That's the process.

I love that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's, everyone write that down.

Intention, attention,

and strategy or action.

Like adding those three things together, that's manifesting.

Yeah.

Intention, attention, and strategy and action.

That's manifesting.

If you're trying to build something in your life, Sean, what I love about you is that you've always been so open about depression and anxiety in a culture and in an art form that may not always allow for it.

Like generally, you think of hip-hop and rap and music in general to be like, on your side, to be tough.

to be strong.

You know, you're battle rapping.

It's bravado.

It's, you know, and I love hip-hop.

You know that.

Right, of course.

But there's that energy to it because a lot of people here are also looking for their voice to have a space to feel vulnerable.

Like a lot of people earlier were saying, We're so grateful that this is a space we can be vulnerable.

Sometimes, when you go to work, sometimes when you go to your family, you don't have a space to be vulnerable.

So, what was, how did you find a safe space when it wasn't easy in doing the career you had and being Big Sean, the rapper?

How did you do that?

Where did you find that space?

How did you think it was a safe space?

I just looked at it as like, it was like, for me, it was just the commitment I made to myself to being real, to just like being authentic and sharing.

You know, when someone asked me about it and, you know, when I was going through those ups and downs, like expressing that on a song, you know, especially the song I have deep reverence with me and Nipsey Hustle to the late great Nipsey Hustle R.I.P.

Just being open about it.

And I didn't know it was such a taboo thing as a black man, as like any of that like talk even talking about like therapy um my dad so my dad he's from Monroe Louisiana and he used to get caught on the wrong yeah shout out to Louisiana okay yeah

he would get caught on the wrong side of the train tracks and get beat bad for it sometimes you know it was a in a around civil rights time like real bad times down there for him sometimes.

And he even had a speech impediment, like he had a stutter when he was growing up that he was able to overcome.

But my point being is that when I started to go to therapy, it inspired him to go to therapy.

And he was like, I didn't know, no one told me.

You know, one of the things he said, and I didn't really, it means so much.

He was like, man, I love learning from, it's awesome when I can learn from my son.

And now that I have a son, he teaches me, he's only two years old, but I learned so much from him.

I just, I just feel like that.

That's how the natural progression of it goes.

You know what I mean?

But when I've initially shared like how I was feeling, I don't know if it was what a quote unquote a safe space.

It just, it's just the, the route I chose to go, you know?

Yeah, it just needs to come out.

Yeah, it just needs to come out.

Sometimes what you're saying is don't wait for a safe space

because it may never come.

It may never come.

And so you just got to kind of create a space where you can start talking about it.

Who was the first person you opened up to?

deeply about it.

Do you remember that?

Was it a therapist or was it someone else?

It was my mom.

It was my mom.

Cause we,

as close as I am to her, like me and her relationship like started taking a real terrible dive when I was

just

like overdoing it with my career, meaning that like, I gave up all my hobbies.

I was just like strictly working because the concept.

When you come from a city like Philadelphia or like or a city like Detroit, it's like, oh, you got to stay on their necks.

You got to stay hot.

You can't let the opportunity slip away.

You can't be one of those people that almost, you know, and even though it was like, oh, you have a number one album, another number one album, this, that, like, it just never felt like it was all the way locked in.

And I think that's because I was looking at it the wrong way.

And I'll come back to that.

But I remember just burning myself out.

And I was on tour in Europe.

I'm not going to say who, but somebody came up to me and was like, man, you should try Adderall.

Right.

And I was like, okay, I never wasn't really familiar with Adderall like that.

He's like, oh, you know, college students do it.

Like, he was lying.

I'm a very smart person, too.

And he was like, it's just some like salts and thing.

I'm like, I wanted to believe him and I took it.

And, you know, I'm not prescribed it.

Like, I don't need it per se.

And I was able to get more work done, though.

I was like, able to get more and I was pushing myself more.

And I noticed that it was like really tearing my insides up.

Like, I looked like I was on drugs.

You know what I'm saying?

Like, hardcore.

Like, I looked like just not myself.

And anyway, I kept doing it because it was working.

I was seeing results.

I was getting the work done.

I had another number one album.

I was able to finish it and do another project with, you know, with Janae.

And we did a side project and then another album.

And I was just like, and then I did another album that same year with Metro Booming.

And it was just like all of these things.

But I really paid the price when I hit like rock bottom and I went to the studio and I realized when I didn't have Adderall, I felt like I couldn't do it.

I couldn't make music without it.

And that's when I realized I have a problem.

I was like, I have a huge problem and I stopped it immediately.

And I couldn't think of anything in a depression.

You know, I didn't realize that.

The synthetic dopamine that was being created in my brain from that, when you shut it off, when you have a synthetic version of it, your brain stops making natural dopamine.

so you're totally screwed i'm talking about you are like i like had a gun to my head i was like ready to blow you know i had like my dream house in beverly hills i had all these things like beautiful a beautiful life um unimaginable and i wanted to take it away because my mind was really playing tricks on me and had me thinking that i was someone that i wasn't and that's when

I opened up to my mom and I had not been talking to her because I felt like I didn't deserve.

I felt like I didn't deserve to talk to my family.

It was the weirdest psychological, twisted games I was playing with myself.

And I remember she suggested all these things, like, you know, a good mom does.

And she ended up coming out and spending time with me and like help building me back up.

And that's when I really started realizing how connected the body is with the spirit and with the mind.

And, you know, I started working out.

I started seeing a therapist.

I started slowly getting back into music.

I had to, I had to literally let go of everything I was doing because just taking a phone call, just taking a meeting was just too much for me.

And I crashed out.

That was when I realized how

bad I needed to change my life.

And I think we all kind of come to a point in our lives where we go through that in our own ways.

It's like late 20s, early 30s, maybe late 30s.

And you probably, probably a few times in your life where this happens to where it feels like you're going to, a wall is gonna fall on you and you either have to climb over it or you're gonna get crushed by it you know um and it really feels that life or death and um therapy helped me so much being able to talk through with someone and unload that amount of emotion and that amount of reality helped because sometimes when you do it with your friend or your family member it stays between y'all and then it's like well shit they're going through their own stuff you know what i'm saying and it's kind of awkward you know when you get to like spilling your deepest secrets or like, mom, I had a gun in my head.

You know, I don't want to like talk to her about that.

And

it took me some time, but you know what?

I believed.

I had faith in myself.

I trusted myself.

And that was one of the deepest times where I had to connect with my spiritual self, my faith.

And I have a great relationship with Jesus Christ and with God.

And

a great relationship relationship with myself.

You know, I rediscovered myself.

I tried new hobbies.

I was like jumping out of airplanes and like going to the gun range and just trying all new things that I hadn't tried before and really watching anime.

Like I'm a huge like anime lover and I just connected back with myself, you know?

Thank you for going there with the depths of.

Yeah, go for it.

Absolutely.

Thank you.

Go for it.

You don't even want to be silent.

I love doing this with you.

I feel like I should do every podcast with a live audience.

I just want to take a moment to say how much this means to me because usually I spend my time with the camera or when we're in the studio and we've recorded multiple times in our studio together.

But sharing this with all of you and having all of your energy here is giving me energy.

So I just want to say thank you to you all for

laugh, clap, cry, whatever you want.

Like that's what this is for.

But first, here's a quick word from the brands that support the show.

This episode of On Purpose is brought to you by Chase Sapphire Reserve.

I believe that travel is one of the greatest gifts that we've ever been given.

And Chase Sapphire Reserve has been my gateway to the world's most captivating destinations.

When I use my Chase Sapphire Reserve card, I get eight times the points on all the purchases I make through Chase Travel and even access to one-of-a-kind experiences, experiences like music festivals and sporting events.

And that's not even mentioning how the card gets me into the Sapphire Lounge by the club club at select airports nationwide.

Travel is more rewarding with Chase Sapphire Reserve.

Trust me, discover more at chase.com forward slash Sapphire Reserve.

Cards issued by JPMorgan Chase Bank NA.

Member FDIC, subject to credit approval, terms apply.

It's always bittersweet when summer winds down.

You've had this beautiful, free-flowing time, and now there's this subtle pullback into routine.

But I actually love this part.

It's a chance to reset and one of the best ways I've found to ease into that rhythm again is refreshing my space with Wayfair.

Whether you're organizing your home office, upgrading your cookware for weeknight dinners, or just wanting to make your space feel more you, Wayfair has everything.

I found this really cozy armchair and a few floating shelves for my reading corner.

And now it's one of my favorite places to unwind.

And not only did they arrive fast and hassle-free, they've completely changed the vibe of that corner.

It's cozy, calming, and exactly what I needed to feel grounded again.

Wayfair's got furniture, storage, bedding, kitchen essentials, you name it.

And the best part, delivery's free, even on the big stuff.

So if you're thinking about how to ease back into the season ahead, this is the perfect time to do it with Wayfair.

Get organized, refreshed, and back to routine for way less.

Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home.

That's w-ay-y-f-a-i-r.com.

Wayfair, every style, every home.

Want to live better?

We've got a lot of work to do.

Join Chris Hensworth in National Geographic's new Disney Plus original series, Limitless.

Live better now.

I'm diving headfirst into cutting-edge science to uncover three powerful secrets to living better right now.

Step one, rewire your brain.

I basically have no musical talent, so how did I end up playing drums with one of the biggest pop stars in the world in front of 70,000 people?

Step two, embrace your pain.

Come on, let's go.

Can we beat pain by reframing it?

Step three, face your fears.

The key to unlocking these benefits for all of us seems to be finding the edge of our comfort zone.

It's going to be scary.

It's intense.

The growth that occurs through any challenging experience is really what we see.

Chris Hemsworth stars in Limitless, Live Better Now, now streaming on Disney Plus and Hulu.

It's showtime.

All right.

Thank you to our sponsors.

Now let's dive back in.

You know, one thing I do want to say, not to cut you off, Jay, is that, you know, I was just looking at your mic and it's on purpose.

And one of the things people always ask me, and I want to ask you this question: too,

how do I find my purpose?

I love you, Jay.

I love you too, Jay.

I love you too.

How do I find my purpose?

How would you answer that?

I'm going to share a meditation later that I believe will do that.

But in order to give a

spoken answer that doesn't come through within,

I would say that

your passion is for you

and service is for others.

And so when you use your your passion in the service of others, it becomes a purpose.

So when you have something that you're passionate about,

right?

When you have something you're passionate about, could be anything.

When you have something that you're deeply passionate about and then you use it to improve other people's lives, that's what a purpose is.

But a purpose doesn't have to be your job.

It doesn't have to be what you do every day.

It doesn't have to make you money.

It doesn't have to make you famous.

It doesn't have to get you followers.

Your purpose can be something you do on the evenings and weekends.

Your purpose can be something to do that you do, take care of your children.

Your purpose can be so many things.

And I think we limit ourselves because the world today, you think about this for a second.

Maybe like 50 to 100 years ago, no one would have asked the question, what do you do?

as the main question of conversation.

Today, that's the number one question because who we are defines our worth.

We live at a time where you say your career and it defines who you are and what your worth is in society.

But that's not how God designed us.

That's not how the community designed us.

In the past, you'd be a farmer and a storyteller.

Yeah, that's right.

You'd be a mom and a doctor.

You'd be a carer and you'd be whatever else it is.

And so I think we need to look at our purposes and this and that and stop thinking of our purpose as a job title.

Stop thinking of our purpose as a promotion.

stop thinking of our purpose as

you know, what does our biography say on Instagram?

Like, because I really don't like it when everyone's like, so what do you do?

And I'm like, I don't want to say podcaster.

There's a million podcasters doing different things.

I'm an author, but that's not who I am.

That's not my purpose.

Same as you.

You're an author, you're a rapper, you're an entrepreneur, you're a father.

Yeah, some people ask me, like, what's your how do you find your purpose?

It took me a while to answer.

It that was an amazing answer, by the way, man.

That's like right on.

And I think a lot of people

tie their purpose in with their career, right?

They'll be like, well, I got to find my purpose because I got to find my way.

I got to find out how to, you know what I mean?

And I realized that your purpose is

what you're doing on purpose, with purpose.

It doesn't have to be,

like you say, your job.

That's a, it can be.

There's no outlines to it.

It can be, your job can be your purpose.

Your hobby can be your purpose.

In fact, I feel like one of my purposes is to be a son.

One of my purposes is to be a father.

Whatever it is, because it's whatever I'm doing on purpose is my purpose.

You feel what I'm saying?

Like, it doesn't have to be so defined.

And that's, that's one thing that.

Absolutely.

I'm so glad you brought that up because I feel like there's a lot of pressure around that word as well now.

It is.

Because it's got linked to our careers.

It's got linked to our jobs.

A lot of pressure around purpose.

There's a lot of pressure around purpose.

And it shouldn't be that way because you're absolutely right that your purpose today could just be to be present.

That could be your purpose

for today.

Whatever makes you happy, whatever you're doing that you feel in your heart, whatever makes you smile, whether, you know, going to the movies could be your purpose.

Who knows?

Like, whatever it is that does it for you, that whatever you're doing on purpose is your purpose as long as it's with a purpose.

Sean, I was thinking about as we were talking about that, you've been talking about being a father and I wanted to ask you, it feels like it's had a big healing impact on you.

And I feel like it's got you to

impacts on me, yeah, for sure.

You know, I have a two and a half year old, so I don't know if anyone knows what that's like.

He's the sweetest, most amazing kid.

He's like an enlightened being, you know what I mean?

So he teaches me all these things without trying.

Uh, so I'm just appreciative of him.

I'm embracing the unknown because as he keeps growing, he keeps surprising me.

So, I don't know what it's going to be like.

He's only two, I can't believe we're only two and a half years in.

It seems like he's, I can't even hardly remember what it was like without him at this point.

So, yeah, you know, that's how much of a presence he is in all our lives for sure.

I want to shift the question that people usually ask, especially young kids, going back to our previous conversation about purpose, people are always like, Oh, what do you want him to be when he grows up?

What do you want him to do?

And I want to shift it.

I want to ask you the question: What quality, if you could choose one quality that you really want to know to have when he grows up, what would you want that quality to be?

His confidence.

He has so much confidence.

That's something that I had to gain along the way.

You know, my parents

came from two families that they didn't really have the confidence growing up.

They didn't give me the confidence because they didn't have it.

They would always, like, I'm confident that I will always have whatever it is I need to be the person that I strive to be.

I will always have enough.

It's abundant.

There's enough for all of us.

And that was a concept where growing up, my mom and my dad both were like, oh, you got to work real hard.

You know, money.

Oh, money doesn't grow on trees.

You know,

it's not fair out here.

You know, these are the type of things that they would tell me.

And that's not true.

That is an experience, and they have also learned that that is actually not true.

I know all these sayings sometimes like stick with us, right?

Like, money doesn't grow on trees, this and that.

And, you know, I saw my mom crying over these bills and, you know, me crying and, you know, growing up, and it motivated me.

But

one of the things they would always tell me, like, even when I got my license, my mom was like, make sure like you take your hat off.

Make sure you wear your hat to the front.

You know, when the police officer, officer, if you get pulled over, make sure you have both hands on the wheel, you know.

And these are things that a mother should tell a black man in America, especially in a city like Detroit, you know.

And so I understood it, and there's a lot that comes with that, but I think that I had to gain my confidence.

And one thing that he has is his confidence, and I'm just so proud of him for that.

And like, he is literally the evolution.

That's why it's important for you to work on yourselves for your family members, even whether you have kids or not your energy is contagious it's gonna spread to your group of friends your work group your family your kids and especially when you have a family it's like your dna is like a computer chip it like has all this information in it right so it's like it's important to heal your trauma because you passing it on it's important to heal your gut and your liver and all these things because you're passing, you're genetically passing everything on.

They're the, they're parts of you and your partner combined, right?

So I always looked at that and it taught, that's one of the things my son taught me is that, okay,

he'll smile like my grandmother or he'll smile like Janae's grand, you know, it's like little things like that.

And I realized that my grandparents, I always, one of the things with having a kid, I was like, man, I wish I could talk to my granddad and like ask him for advice.

I wish I could talk to my grand, you know, all these people that aren't here anymore.

And I realized I can because the information is in my DNA.

I just have to go within and really lock in.

And the answer is there, you know, and that's something to always remember that we always think that the answers are out there, but really the answers most of the time are right where you are.

That's what, that's actually the concept of The Alchemist, one of my favorite books as well.

Yeah, that's real.

Yeah.

That's real.

That's so powerful.

You just gave me me chills when you said that that idea that we always wish we could talk to this person or that person but their history lives within us yeah that's a really really powerful idea that's why when people say well i'm living through you you know it's something my dad always says he really that's for real talk that's real talk people are living with us and living through us at all times yeah and that's why we got to be so mindful as to what we pass on if someone in the audience is feeling a low sense of confidence low sense of self-esteem, a low sense of even self-worth.

Maybe they've been told they're not worth anything.

Maybe they've been made to feel like they're not enough.

What's the first step to building that confidence as an adult?

Like you said with your child, he already has it.

Noah already has it.

You had to build it over time.

I had to build it over time too.

What was that first step in building real, true, deep confidence?

The first step was to understand that everyone is going through something, everyone Everyone has a story.

Everyone has a condition.

So I remember when I was 19 years old and it was a transitional time where I decided to do music and turn down my scholarship, right?

And a year had gone by and I was a depressed person.

It was my first battle of depression because things weren't going my way yet.

It was God's timing, but you know, you try and control the timing of life and it's like, good luck with that.

So anyway, I remember I stopped to pump some gas at a place my mom told me never to stop.

And I was visiting my girlfriend at the time that went to Michigan State.

And on the way from Detroit to Michigan State, there's a place called Howe, Michigan.

And it's like one of the KKK, like,

it's like one of their headquarters, like not too far from Detroit, which is the, one of the blackest cities.

And it's like crazy, right?

Juxt position.

I saw that.

the exit and I had to get gas and it was like, you know, when you see the gas station right off the freeway and it's like, I could, I'll be straight if I just go right here and pump gas.

And

I got immediately I got off and I pulled up to the gas station and like this pickup truck pulls up and they're like, you nigga, you nigga.

I was like, what?

Like, I was like, it had me like super

just like, damn, like, for real, like, that, that's where we at.

Like.

This is 2000 and whatever, you know.

So I'm like, for real?

Like, I thought it was like a joke almost.

And later on, as I was learning more about myself, I'm like, I don't know what type, what type of stuff they had going on, like what their upbringing was like, what their parents are like.

They could have been abused.

They could have just not understood the concept

and understood who I am as a person, right?

So it takes a lot of growth, but my point is to say, how do you build confidence in yourself?

Because that's a moment where my confidence got beat to the ground.

I felt like crazy, inferior almost, you know, how you build your confidence up is you start to understand

and you don't take things personal.

Don't take things personal.

You don't let things, things can hurt you.

You can see, obviously, I'm like still emotional about that time because it was such a pivotal moment for me.

It's not because it's hurtful to me.

It's because it was a pivotal moment in my development as a man that nothing like that could ever affect me anymore because

I understand that everyone comes from different walks of life.

You feel me?

They don't think they're wrong.

They think they're right.

As wrong as it is to me, I had to realize that there is no real right or wrong in this life.

There's only a perspective.

You know what I'm saying?

So

from my perspective, I think it's wrong, right?

But not from theirs.

But the point is, when you understand yourself more and you appreciate everything you have and you start building up yourself mentally when you start to understand that, okay, some people will just talk smack about you for retweets or for whatever or for to be funny, you don't take things as personal and that builds up your confidence when you get to know yourself more and more and when you know that you are unstoppable.

We have the power of a whole universe in us.

I say that because when you look at it, you think of all the stars in the sky.

That's exactly how all our atoms are our cells and our bodies.

They make up this like magical type of miracle that's going on in us, right?

That we have like completely taken for granted.

But it's like we have what it takes to create anything.

We are like products of God.

God is in all of us, right?

So just remember that you do, you can,

you will, you know, if that's what you believe, you will make it happen, whatever it is, whatever.

Nothing is off limits.

If it was off limits, you wouldn't even think of it.

It wouldn't even be a thought to you.

Just want to get that out.

Yeah, I love that.

I love that take on confidence because I believe confidence comes from noticing how many hard things you've done

and how many hard things you've been through.

Like that moment you just spoke about, that's not an easy moment to live through.

And like you said, I can see the emotion in your eyes and I think everyone could feel it, but it's like when you notice that, see, since we were young, we were only taught in school to notice what you did well, what you got right.

You weren't taught to notice how you did hard things.

And I promise you, in this room, each and every one of you has already done ridiculously hard things.

Maybe you lived through the death of a loved one.

Maybe you lived through a divorce.

Maybe you found yourself after a breakup.

Maybe you were broke and found yourself out of that.

Or maybe you're you're in it right now, in one of those transition moments.

And I've found that those moments of pain unlock your greatest potential.

Because when you can see yourself for that moment and you can see that you've lived through it, so start collecting, start noticing how many difficult, hard things you've done.

I remember,

I don't think I've talked about this before, I remember my mom saying something crazy to me.

I was going through a really hard time in my early 30s and a really, really tough time and I was on the phone to her and my mom does not say motivational things to me my mom doesn't say demotivational things to me but she doesn't say motivational things to me and my mom doesn't give me advice I don't go to my mom for advice I love my mom and I tell her I love her and she tells me she loves me and just wants to know what I ate for dinner, right?

Like that, that's my relationship with my mom.

Well, that's a way of her saying she loves you, right?

Yeah, and she loves me to bits.

She loves me.

Her love has been a shield in my life.

But I'm on the phone to her and she's like, how's things going?

And I'm like, you know, barely vulnerable with my mom.

And I was was like, mom, you know what?

It's just a tough time, you know, but I got my head down.

I'm working hard.

And she said to me, Well, you're used to dealing with stress.

And I said, What do you mean?

Like, you never said this to me before.

Like, when did you become a motivational speaker?

Like, what do you mean?

And she goes, she goes, you've been used to dealing with stress.

And I was like, what do you mean?

Like, you've never said that to me before.

And I never share my stresses with my mom.

Like you said, like, she's not the person I'm talking to.

And she goes, well, you dealt with so much stress, even when you were in my womb, because of what I was living through at the time.

She said that to me and I was like, I was half in tears.

The other half was like full of like

confidence.

It was like one of these moments of just like as if like my whole self were just like locked back in together.

And obviously I don't have any memory of that.

I was a female.

Yeah, of course.

Right.

And it's like, But what's really fascinating is you've done hard things, even when you don't remember them and you don't know that.

And it's so important to remind yourself and it's so important to remind the people you love that they've done hard things.

Because when you realize you've done hard things, you can do harder things in the future.

You find confidence within them.

So please today look back at the things you've broken through, things you've worked on, the hardships you've been through, and celebrate your resilience as a human.

You don't need to wait to become strong.

You already are.

Yeah, embrace it.

Right?

You already are.

Yeah, embrace it.

Embrace it.

I want to, oh, thank you.

I want to pivot slightly.

This is something we've been trialing and it's been beautiful.

And this is a real opportunity.

So only say yes, only raise your hand if you really want to honor this opportunity.

We've been talking about stop caring what people think.

We've been talking about doing hard things.

We've been talking about becoming more confident.

We've been talking about taking your moment.

Seeing as we have one of the greatest of all time, one of the best, Big Sean, on the stage, I wanted to ask you all if there's, and I mean this for real, if you truly, truly mean it, if there's a spoken word artist, a poet, a rapper in the audience who wants to come on stage for 60 seconds and spit some bars for us so that we can experience their greatness, if you really want this opportunity to be your moment, I want you to raise your hand.

If there's truly a poet or a spoken word artist, I'm looking at the back.

Is there anyone at the back?

Stand up if you're in the back.

I'm just looking around.

Stand up at the back.

Anyone at the back?

There's one there.

Anyone else?

I just want to make sure.

Yeah, I see someone up there who's standing there.

I want to get someone from the top who has.

Is there someone back there?

Only if you're going to honor the opportunity.

Don't steal the opportunity from anyone.

You're pointing at him?

Come on down.

Come on down.

Yeah.

You know, Philly has like some of the best musicians.

That's what I thought.

That's what I thought.

Of all time.

Of all time.

I wanted to.

Before we dive into the next moment, let's hear from our sponsors.

This episode of On Purpose is brought to you by Chase Sapphire Reserve.

I believe that travel is one of the greatest gifts that we've ever been given.

And Chase Sapphire Reserve has been my gateway to the world's most captivating destinations.

When I use my Chase Sapphire Reserve card, I get eight times the points on all the purchases I make through Chase Travel and even access to one-of-a-kind experiences, experiences like music festivals and sporting events.

And that's not even mentioning how the card gets me into the Sapphire Lounge by the club at select airports nationwide.

Travel is more rewarding with Chase Sapphire Reserve.

Trust me, discover more at chase.com forward slash Sapphire Reserve.

Cards issued by JP Morgan Chase Bank, NA.

Member FDIC, subject to credit approval, terms apply.

Want to live better?

We got got a lot of work to do.

Join Chris Hensworth in National Geographic's new Disney Plus original series, Limitless, Live Better Now.

I'm diving headfirst into cutting-edge science to uncover three powerful secrets to living better right now.

Step one, rewire your brain.

I basically have no musical talent, so how did I end up playing drums with one of the biggest pop stars in the world in front of 70,000 people?

Step two, embrace your pain.

Come on, let's go.

Can we beat pain by reframing it?

Step three, face your fears.

The key to unlocking these benefits for all of us seems to be finding the edge of our comfort zone.

It's going to be scary.

It's intense.

The growth that occurs through any challenging experience is really what we see.

Chris Hemsworth stars in Limitless, Live Better Now, now streaming on Disney Plus and Hulu.

It's showtime.

This back to school season, spend less on your kids with Amazon.

I was talking to one of my closest friends the other day.

He has two kids and every year, it's the same routine.

One kid wants a very specific backpack.

I'm talking not just blue, but navy blue with a neon green zipper and a galaxy print.

The other lost their lunchbox before the first week of school even ended last year.

He's like, Jay, I swear they get more expensive every time they grow an inch.

And I get it.

Kids grow, seasons change, and somehow they always need five new things they didn't need last year.

But what doesn't have to change?

How much you spend on them.

So remember, with Amazon's low back to school prices, just spend less on your kids because every dollar you don't spend on them is a dollar you haven't spent on them.

Shop back to school at Amazon and spend less on your kids.

Thanks for taking a moment for that.

Now back to the discussion.

Okay, um,

this is about being in a bad relationship.

So

a real bad one.

Okay, here we go.

All right.

Why do I still love you when you throw beer in my face?

When I feel like you don't listen or care what I have to say?

Why do I still want you even though you blame it all on me?

When you send me brutal messages and constantly threaten to leave?

Why is it I miss you when all we seem to do is fight?

Why is it still you I want laying next to me at night?

Why do you come to me with your issues when I can't come to you with mine?

It's because you listen to idiots all day with their preoccupations and whining.

This was a therapist.

Why is it always my fault when I know you play a role too?

Why am I always begging and why can't for once it just be you?

Oftentimes I want to give up and just throw the towel in, but I don't and I love you, but not enough to wish I didn't.

I'm feeling good.

Yeah.

Just very nervous.

Of course.

That's understandable.

That's okay.

I listen to your podcast, so I also

like to motivate people.

Okay.

Thank you so much.

Because in life, we're supposed to inspire those that need to be inspired.

And everybody needs to be inspired.

You know, we all go through life having problems and trauma and issue, but deep down inside, God is there.

And I'm nervous on stage, but every time I used to get on stage, there was always nervousness.

And someone that deals with ADHD and bipolar,

And, you know, that's a survivor of many things.

Every single one of y'all out there are special and y'all have something inside of you.

And I also rap.

I got a little bit something.

Stay focused, never hopeless.

Everything I do, I move with motion.

Should aboard a ocean, pills and potions.

What's all the commotion?

Thought we were moving.

Let's go.

This is past sense.

This is my mana and mesto, like Michelangelo.

I said, hello,

picture me.

I said, sit down by the lake,

plant me by the sea, deeply loving the rain from above.

So, my mom and dad, I love you.

We had some fallouts, but I had no doubts that this is the light that God has called me to.

I'm making new revenue with the old and the new.

Way up, I feel blessed.

Yes.

Amazing courage to come up here and

go through that.

It's nerve-wracking when you actually get up here and you see everyone.

Yeah.

You look around, and you know, you can't find it in your phone.

And that's the reality.

That's the reason why I wanted to do that.

And we've done it at a couple of shows this week is it's the reality because

The first time you do it, it's never going to be perfect.

You know, like you're going to be shaking.

You're going to have your phone where you can't find it.

You're going to be scared of the mic.

You're going to be worried.

Like, that's the reality.

And the beauty is

people just feel your spirit.

Right.

People just feel your energy.

I think you felt that when you heard Morgan, you could relate to what she was doing.

It was beautiful.

And even though.

I really love this concept she was saying too.

Like, first of all, you wrote a whole book on, you know, relationships and love and pertaining to that.

And I wanted to ask you, when you are per se in a relationship with someone, right, that isn't beneficial for you, right?

And it could be abusive in some ways, depending on how you look at it.

Like, you know, how Morgan was describing her poem, like, what advice would you give to anyone who is dealing with a relationship of that, that they just can't seem to shake?

And, you know, the funny thing about that is like, She even said it in her poem that

as bad as it is and you separate, it's like, you keep craving it back.

And I wonder why that is.

Like, why do you keep craving it?

Why do you only remember the good things?

Why do you kind of like put all the red flags to the side?

And, you know, I feel like that's a great question to ask you.

Yeah.

Thanks for that, Sean.

I appreciate it.

Not at all.

I didn't mean it like that.

No, no, no.

You know, when I think it comes to love, the hard part is

we all want to be seen.

Sometimes the tough part is, this is is the truth, actually.

I'm going to go a bit deep on this because I feel you deserve it and I feel you all crave it and want it from me.

And so

I'm going to say it how I really see it.

The moment you recognize that no human can truly see you

the way God and you can see yourself, you're free.

Because

that was never their job.

It was God's job.

Like when you recognize that you're the only person, you and God are the only people that really know

everything you've been through,

everything you've lived through, every emotion, every breath, every

moment you spoke, every moment in silence, every single moment, the only person who's documented that is you and God.

And so when you free people of the expectation to understand you, fully see you, fully comprehend you, you free yourself of having to do that for everyone as well, because you know you don't have the capacity either.

So what it does is it creates greater trust and faith in the divine and yourself,

and it creates greater compassion for others.

And I think that's what we're all really looking for.

We just all want a bit of grace from the people that we love that we can't understand perfectly.

We all want a bit of compassion for not always showing up as our best selves, even when we try, because we know we're all trying, but we don't always meet that mark.

And so if we can offer more grace and compassion to others and we can offer more trust and surrender to ourselves and God,

I think that's where real love starts.

Yeah.

That's where real love is.

And honoring yourself too, right?

You've got to really honor yourself in that, like the strength it takes sometimes to drastically change your life.

There's nothing more drastic than when you have to change someone you spend so much time with by choice, not because they passed away not because of anything else but because you need to better yourself and the strength that that takes it's nothing to like downplay or anything so i think that comes from all it all comes back from working on yourself right and like really being confident enough in yourself and all these things we've been talking about to be strong enough to be you because

sometimes when you're in a relationship you lose parts of yourself and you guys kind of become this one thing together.

It's kind of like a factory when all the lights are on, and sometimes you shut off certain parts of yourself, and like this gets shut down, and that gets shut down, and you're kind of just a fraction, maybe, of like the person you were.

So,

the beautiful thing is, is when you recognize that and you split from someone, and you turn on all these other parts of yourself, and you're like the full version of you, I think that is the best version to bring to a relationship.

And that is how,

you know, it it shouldn't be one half make a whole, it should be two holes make something greater, you know what I mean?

So, absolutely, well said, thank you, Sean.

You've done the final five before on the podcast, so I want to end with one last segment with you.

We call it past, present, future, and behind you, you're going to see a picture pop up in a second.

Can we get the first, please?

That's back.

Oh, that's that's young Sean right there.

That's a little Sean.

Yeah,

I was a point guard

for my school, and we actually won a championship in the eighth grade in our league.

And, you know,

everyone thought like all the parents would be like, he doesn't look like he's in eighth grade, but I look like I'm in eighth grade to me.

Yeah, that was, man, that was some good times right there.

What advice would you give to that younger past self of yours in eighth grade?

Just have fun.

Get out your head so much.

Just have fun.

And like,

you don't realize how young you are when you're that young.

You know what I'm saying?

Of

just being carefree, no bills.

No, like, I would just say, have more fun.

Have more fun, man.

I love that.

Yeah, quit being so hard on yourself.

All right.

Let's get the second picture.

This is you today.

Oh, yeah.

I want to ask you, what do you need to hear right now?

What are the words you need to hear right now in your heart and mind?

The thing that popped in my head, which I like to go with naturally, as simple as it is, is that it's going to be fine.

As a man,

we always,

I don't want to characterize all men,

and I don't want to say this doesn't apply to women as well.

It does.

I can only speak from a man's perspective, though, that

we try and be the head of the household and like provide and all these things.

And it puts a level of responsibility, which is something that I embrace.

It in turn always has to have me do the self-work I know to like not let it turn into anxiety and to not let that turn into depression because I can't afford that.

You know, I don't, that's something that I'm keeping far away from my good energy and vibes.

But the thing that starts is the worry.

And it's kind of what I would tell my younger self is what I would tell myself now is to, it's going to be fine.

No matter what happens, it's going to be fine.

This one I've been doing for all my friends this week.

Whoa, with the help of AI,

with the help of AI, I've been surprising all my surprising all my friends this week.

Wow.

So,

how old do you think you are there, Sean?

Wow, I would say like my dad's age, like 723.

My dad looks good for his age.

So I would say, like, around

your dad looks great.

Yeah.

When you're that age,

what do you hope you define success as?

Fun.

Fun, having fun.

You got to have fun with it.

And that's one of the biggest pieces of advice I could give to anyone is whatever you're doing, just you can make it fun.

You got a job you hate.

You got things that are the worst part of your day, quote unquote, the worst part.

You can make it how you approach something literally changes the whole experience of it.

And that is one of the things, like when you are like we were talking about going through hard times,

like embrace that.

Like, not only embrace it, celebrate it because

that is just proof that

you are experiencing parts that are growing pains, that you're growing into something, right?

And that you're not in alignment with whatever it is you're going through.

So just appreciate that because that, like I said, I said this before, like that's just an indication that you're meant for something greater.

You're something different, something more.

And that's exciting.

You know, life isn't all figured out for you.

I mean, how boring would that be?

You know what I'm saying?

If everything was just right in front of you and you knew exactly how to, how it was going to go, like embrace that unknowing.

Don't let it tear you down.

Don't let it be a fear-based way of thinking.

You know, remember, fear is just false evidence appearing real.

Don't feed into it.

You know what I'm saying?

Like have fun, make it fun.

And know that anywhere you are on earth, that's where you meant to be at.

And you can have a good time with all the money, money with no money with all the with it whatever with all the friends no friends like there are there's always a way to have a good time so that's what i feel like that's what older me that's probably what would be on my heart and you know if i'm lucky enough to make it to that give it up for big shot everyone

If this is the year that you're trying to get creative, you're trying to build more, I need you to listen to this episode with Rick Rubin Rubin on how to break into your most creative self, how to use unconventional methods that lead to success, and the secret to genuinely loving what you do.

If you're trying to find your passion and your lane, Rick Rubin's episode is the one for you.

Just because I like it, that doesn't give it any value.

Like as an artist, if you like it, that's all of the value.

That's the success comes when you say, I like this enough for other people to see it.

This episode

I believe that travel is one of the greatest gifts that we've ever been given.

And Chase Sapphire Reserve has been my gateway to the world's most captivating destinations.

Every time I travel, I find a part of myself I didn't know was missing.

I remember being in this small town, completely unplugged, and for the first time in a while, I felt still.

Travel does that.

It grounds you, expands you, and connects you to something deeper.

That's why I'm always looking for experiences that go beyond the typical.

Chase Sapphire Reserve makes traveling a breeze, earning eight times points on all purchases through Chase Travel and granting access to Sapphire Lounge by the club at select airports nationwide.

No matter my destination, travel is more rewarding with Chase Sapphire Reserve.

Discover more with Chase Sapphire Reserve at chase.com forward slash Sapphire Reserve.

Cards issued by JPMorgan Chase Bank, NA, member FDIC, subject to credit approval, terms apply.

We talk a lot about alignment, mind-body, and spirit, but rest plays a big part in that too.

I've been thinking more about how I sleep and what I sleep on.

Avocado Green Mattress stood out to me because their mattresses are made with certified organic latex, cotton and wool.

No No chemical flame retardants, no petroleum-based foams, just clean, breathable comfort.

Their best-selling avocado green mattress comes in firm, medium or plush, so you can find the feel that's right for you and wake up well.

Head to avocadogreenmattress.com today and check out their mattress and bedding sale.

Avocado, dream of better.

When we take care of our body, we make space to care for our mind.

Groons is a new daily habit designed to support both.

Each day starts with eight delicious gummies packed with over 20 vitamins and minerals, six grams of dietary fiber, prebiotics, greens, and more.

It's a convenient, comprehensive formula designed to support energy, immunity, and cognition.

Vegan, gluten-free, thoughtfully dosed.

Get up to 52% off your first order with code PURPOSE at checkout.

That's code purpose for up to 52% off your first order.

This is an iHeart podcast.