Jay & Radhi Talk About Icks vs. Red Flags (How to ACTUALLY Know the Difference)

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Speaker 7 Coca-cola, para todos.

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Speaker 9 One of my biggest icks is when they like wake up and they're confused.

Speaker 7 If they play games on their phone, when he posts on social media, grown men shouldn't wear earrings.

Speaker 10 Don't message me saying,

Speaker 10 When am I taking you?

Speaker 7 I'm not.

Speaker 10 how seriously should people take icks they should be seen as more of a funny thing not something that actually puts them off their partner do you ever get over an ick the more you like someone the more you'll find the icks cuter everyone is gonna have something that gives you the ick i remember one of my icks was at the beginning when we were dating go on we used to do that oh my god Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Speaker 10 with my favorite person in the world, Radha Devlukia.

Speaker 10 And we're diving into topics about things that we talk about, things that we hear about from friends and family, things that you could talk about on a long car journey, after a long day at work, or maybe while you're out at dinner and you want to have a chat about what's going on.

Speaker 10 So today's topic is all about icks.

Speaker 17 Icks. Good old icks.

Speaker 10 I feel like the concept of icks didn't exist when we were dating.

Speaker 7 No,

Speaker 10 or maybe they existed, but they didn't have that language.

Speaker 10 And if anyone's wondering, because you've been sleeping sleeping under a rock, what an ick is, the term ick refers to a sudden turn off or something that instantly kills attraction.

Speaker 8 Oh, that's a harsh term.

Speaker 10 These aren't always rational and they can vary culturally and individually, but there are common patterns reported in dating conversations, social media and psychological observations.

Speaker 18 Wow, so official.

Speaker 10 When did you first discover what icks were?

Speaker 21 I don't know when, but I feel like now that it's got a name to it, I appreciate it because I've felt X my whole life.

Speaker 14 Really?

Speaker 10 Yeah. What? Like when you were dating back in the day?

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 10 You never dated anyone apart from me.

Speaker 7 What?

Speaker 17 X definitely.

Speaker 23 I definitely felt X throughout my life.

Speaker 24 I've probably felt a few X with you.

Speaker 7 What do you mean? What are you going to do?

Speaker 17 We've spoke about this.

Speaker 7 What?

Speaker 25 We've had X with you.

Speaker 25 So many X.

Speaker 21 But X doesn't mean that you don't love someone.

Speaker 23 Right.

Speaker 26 Icks just means you're like, oh, maybe, you know, don't do that around me.

Speaker 10 Right.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 27 You have X with me.

Speaker 21 No. Was your Ick with me? I don't.

Speaker 7 Yeah. What?

Speaker 21 Anyway, is this about us?

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 17 We're just having a general conversation about icks, guys.

Speaker 19 No, they came.

Speaker 8 The topic came about because we were in a car journey with my cousins.

Speaker 14 We were on our way back from the Drake concert.

Speaker 20 We had a long journey.

Speaker 21 And somehow we came onto the topic of icks within our relationships.

Speaker 13 But then also just generally, you know, there's the man with the ick list, which the girl?

Speaker 10 That's mine. That's my favorite.

Speaker 17 The guy with the list. Is it the guy with the illist?

Speaker 10 Yeah, I love it. If you don't follow guy with the list.

Speaker 7 Please follow him. What a list.

Speaker 10 I have no idea who he is. He is hilarious.
He's brilliant.

Speaker 21 And he just like, he finds all these things that women say or men say are icks about men and women. And he puts them onto a really, really long list.
So we started getting into it.

Speaker 26 And let me tell you, we came up with some crazy ones.

Speaker 13 One of my cousins said that she thinks it's icky when her husband uses an indicator in the car.

Speaker 17 I don't even know how that's an ick, but that was an ick.

Speaker 7 Because?

Speaker 15 What was her reasoning? I don't remember.

Speaker 10 She said that it doesn't feel masculine.

Speaker 17 Masculine enough, yes.

Speaker 21 Someone else that I spoke to said that she finds it really icky when her husband cries.

Speaker 10 That's terrible.

Speaker 17 So not nice, but also just so funny that people put that on the ick list.

Speaker 13 Well, okay, it's obviously funny, but there's also a little bit of meanness and depth to it that people get turned off so easily these days.

Speaker 13 And I think it's it really sometimes just by getting an ick, they won't go on a second date.

Speaker 22 I feel like, should we start off by reading some really funny icks out?

Speaker 31 Okay, so,

Speaker 26 oh, when they run after a receipt that's blown away in the wind,

Speaker 7 who does that?

Speaker 17 When they hold a limp umbrella in a strong wind,

Speaker 17 when they run with a backpack on and it bounces side to side,

Speaker 19 that's a really good one.

Speaker 17 I agree.

Speaker 17 When they try to get out of a beanbag chair and it takes a full 12 seconds.

Speaker 17 When they call a waiter over, but they walk walk right past them.

Speaker 31 These are all very good ones.

Speaker 8 There are some other really funny ones I do.

Speaker 31 What else did we say in the car? That was really funny.

Speaker 10 I don't remember the car ones at all.

Speaker 17 When they have allergies, that's so rude.

Speaker 29 When you're driving and they grab the bar, yeah, when you are the driver, when the girl's the driver and the guy gets scared and holds the side of the car, that's icky.

Speaker 17 When they get car sick,

Speaker 7 I get car sick.

Speaker 10 That's not an ick. It's a really

Speaker 10 sad thing to go through, actually.

Speaker 17 When they wear no-show socks.

Speaker 23 No.

Speaker 7 Yeah, I agree with that one.

Speaker 23 Those little panty liner socks.

Speaker 17 They are awful.

Speaker 31 The thong socks is what we should call them.

Speaker 17 Awful. Awful.

Speaker 10 Is that all you have to say?

Speaker 13 Well, look, I think icks are fair, but I also think that they should be seen as more of a funny thing, not something that actually puts them off their partner.

Speaker 10 I think it should end up becoming something that's endearing. Like, you should go from thinking it's an ick to finding it a bit cute.

Speaker 15 Do you remember?

Speaker 17 I remember one of my icks was at the beginning when we were dating.

Speaker 29 Go on.

Speaker 21 When you used to do that baby voice with your mum and your sister.

Speaker 22 Oh my God.

Speaker 18 I cannot even hear it.

Speaker 17 Go and do it, please.

Speaker 7 I'm not doing that.

Speaker 10 I don't do it with anyone else.

Speaker 17 Do you do know it, though?

Speaker 7 I don't, only with my mum and my sister.

Speaker 12 Mum and sister.

Speaker 19 Suddenly, I was in a room with all three of them, and they're all doing this weird baby voice to each other.

Speaker 32 I was like, and where am I?

Speaker 28 And what is happening?

Speaker 17 Please just do it once.

Speaker 7 No, I don't do it.

Speaker 19 Come on, show them to so they.

Speaker 10 I literally don't do it anymore because you

Speaker 27 actually don't do it that much.

Speaker 21 But you know what?

Speaker 8 You should be who you want to be.

Speaker 7 I don't do that anymore.

Speaker 31 But just don't do that voice around me.

Speaker 10 What am I about you? But yeah, what am I about you?

Speaker 7 Don't know. The beginning.

Speaker 10 Being late.

Speaker 7 Yeah. That is an ick.

Speaker 10 That is a massive ick for me when people are really massive.

Speaker 10 You can't be late.

Speaker 18 I've been an ick your whole life then, mate.

Speaker 7 Basically.

Speaker 7 What else?

Speaker 13 Skinny jeans. Skinny jeans are a

Speaker 17 good skinny jeans I was just checking if our videographer was wearing skinny jeans before I said it

Speaker 10 skinny jeans big ick now they are at one point they were fashionable that's what it is about icks that there was a time when the ick could have been fashionable like i know one of our friends her sister doesn't like men who wear jewelry Oh

Speaker 10 so that's what I'm trying to understand is like how seriously should people take icks?

Speaker 21 I think they should be taken with with a pinch of salt.

Speaker 21 You know, I don't think you should take them too seriously, but I think if there are too many icks, you know, they're not going to find that person attractive.

Speaker 24 That's the problem.

Speaker 26 So, either you have to work on your tolerance and what you find icky, and maybe some things like you not wanting your husband to cry in front of you, that may be therapy that's required, not going to lie.

Speaker 29 You may need to really work on that.

Speaker 20 But, other things like, you know, flip-flops with socks, you know, give a bit of leeway.

Speaker 14 Maybe just choose the shoes for your partner the next time they go out.

Speaker 10 All right.

Speaker 10 I'm going to read out a list of icks and we have to decide on a scale of one to ten how bad they are okay all right so or do we do a yes or no is an ick or not yeah ick or not yeah fun ick or not all right chewing with their mouth open ick the ick for sure clapping when the plane lands

Speaker 19 i like it you know what it's appreciated

Speaker 10 really happy when a plane lands like yeah it's not i think not ick yeah uh not washing their hands after the bathroom

Speaker 14 that is all around ick that's not subjective yeah Asking to split a bill.

Speaker 17 I don't think that's an ick.

Speaker 12 But then I, you know, I like being a self-sufficient woman.

Speaker 10 As a man, I've I always wanted to pick up the bill. I always did when we were dating originally as well.
Like it was always something that I've wanted to do. And so to me, ick.

Speaker 26 That's not an ick for me.

Speaker 10 Okay. Talking in a baby voice.

Speaker 29 As a grown-ass man, absolute ick.

Speaker 10 I get it now.

Speaker 10 Using too many hashtags.

Speaker 17 Oh my gosh, what an ick.

Speaker 32 And I'm I'm using too many emojis as a no, ick.

Speaker 10 Being too obsessed with astrology, like blaming everything on being a Gemini.

Speaker 31 Oh, that's a bit of an ick. Lots of girls do that.
That's an ick. That's a bit of an ick.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 10 Taking mirror selfies at the gym.

Speaker 7 Well, no,

Speaker 17 okay, no, should I tell you what?

Speaker 21 There's this girl that I've been seeing at the gym lately. I was like, wow, her body's amazing.

Speaker 14 She must work so hard.

Speaker 21 I swear I've not seen her lift one weight in the gym. All she does is come into the gym in beautiful outfits.
She looks amazing, takes pictures and leaves.

Speaker 29 So, yes, if you're taking pictures after having done a hard workout, not an ick.

Speaker 20 If you're coming to the gym in a cute outfit just to take pictures without doing a workout, ick.

Speaker 13 Oh, another ick when the man looks in the mirror more than you do.

Speaker 7 Ick.

Speaker 10 We don't have that problem, obviously.

Speaker 10 Poor grammar in texts. You're hot instead of you are hot.

Speaker 10 I think poor grammar is pretty bad, yeah, but it's obvious.

Speaker 14 Air guitar when a guy doesn't air guitar, or like fake golf.

Speaker 17 Oh, my God.

Speaker 23 No.

Speaker 17 Or finger guns.

Speaker 7 Oh, no.

Speaker 10 Leaving voice notes that are four plus minutes long, massive ick.

Speaker 10 Do not leave me a voice.

Speaker 17 You know, me and my friends do that.

Speaker 10 I hate it.

Speaker 19 But maybe not as much.

Speaker 10 Voice notes are such a waste of time. It's like, so I really wanted to tell you this, and I don't want this to be long.

Speaker 18 Yeah.

Speaker 10 But I've been thinking about this, and I'm thinking about one friend that does it.

Speaker 21 Drinks cow's milk in a glass.

Speaker 14 Drinks cow's milk, full stop.

Speaker 7 Ick.

Speaker 10 Using phrases like, let that sink in too seriously

Speaker 13 calls women females

Speaker 17 he's a biology teacher

Speaker 10 oh my god all right obsessing over a celebrity like they know them personally yeah i when i have friends that refer to celebrities by their first name that they don't know it's an ick

Speaker 10 referring to their ex as crazy with no context

Speaker 7 you're okay with that yeah i'm alright with that oh gosh.

Speaker 10 So let's help people. Let's think about icks.
What's our take?

Speaker 19 My take is

Speaker 16 that

Speaker 15 you should give people.

Speaker 10 Oh, wait, this is a better question. Yeah.

Speaker 10 Do you ever get over it, ick? Can you get over it?

Speaker 10 Like, did you get over the ick of me talking in baby voice or did I have to stop doing it?

Speaker 19 Mixture of both.

Speaker 15 I think the more you like someone, the less you'll find, like the more you'll find the icks cuter.

Speaker 14 However, there are just just some things that you're gonna have, the other person's gonna have to just stop doing if the partner finds it icky more than three times.

Speaker 10 So, how do you tell someone, hey, I have an ick about this? And I think

Speaker 10 texting you, that's the reason I haven't been.

Speaker 7 How do you do it?

Speaker 14 Chat GPT will give you a really great answer for that.

Speaker 18 No, but seriously. Yeah, how would you do it?

Speaker 21 I think you could be really honest in saying that I really like you as a person, but when you wear socks and sandals,

Speaker 21 it really upsets me because I enjoy fashion and that to me doesn't look like fashion.

Speaker 26 Yeah, but I would love to go shoe shopping with you.

Speaker 7 Yeah,

Speaker 18 and help you find shoes that really work well with those socks, you know.

Speaker 10 I remember the scene in Nobody Wants This. Do you remember that show? So, with what's his name, Adam Brody and Kristen Bell.

Speaker 10 And there's a scene where he comes over, but he's wearing shorts with a blazer. Yes.
And she's got the biggest it. Really? Yeah, because she hates him.

Speaker 7 Oh, yeah, I remember that. Yeah.

Speaker 10 He's wearing shorts with a blazer.

Speaker 10 And it's like the whole episode is like her spiraling thinking he's not the guy i can't believe it i'm gonna break up with him like it becomes this massive thing and then i think she tells him about it and i think that is the reality of if you flag it to someone but what happens when that person says well this is who i am

Speaker 10 is that the end I don't know.

Speaker 28 It depends how much that person really,

Speaker 18 how invested you are in that person.

Speaker 19 I do think

Speaker 26 when you're basing dating someone off a few icks, unless it's really putting you off to the point where you don't really want to be seen with them or want to hang out with them or it just every time you're seeing them you're feeling icky it's probably a sign that they're icks or if there's a few too many for you to be able to handle yeah i mean my you can't be icked out every every day for sure but you've also got to know what your basic level of standards are too because everyone is going to have something that gives you the ick

Speaker 10 and you're not dating the ick you date a person

Speaker 10 who is like do they they respond? Do they show up? Do they call? Do they check in? Like, that's what you're doing. You're not dating the person whose backpack bounces when they run.

Speaker 10 Like, that's, you don't have to.

Speaker 17 Give them a different bag. Tie in their backpacks.

Speaker 7 Tie in their backpack.

Speaker 10 Like, you don't have to watch that every day. Like, that's not your life.
You know what I mean? Like,

Speaker 10 I think today people find icks. to get out of something they want to get out of.
So it's like, it's like it's an easy reason. Yeah, it's an an easy reason.
It's a scapegoat.

Speaker 10 It's something you use to justify why you don't want to be with someone. Right, right.
You just aren't attracted to them. You just aren't into them and you don't want to say that.

Speaker 10 So you end up coming up with this ick that justifies why you don't want to be them.

Speaker 21 Yeah, I think so. I think an ick is a good, easy way out.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 26 For sure.

Speaker 10 Jared Friedu hosts the U Up podcast. He's a mate of mine.
He says that men, like, an ick would never stop a man from dating someone. If they like someone, they like someone.

Speaker 10 It doesn't matter, even if there's an ick but from women it's actually a lot more serious do you agree i think so why but then i think i wonder if okay let's say a girl's got bad breath is that not going to be an ick for a guy no of course it is but it won't stop her from him from dating i don't know that's a question for jared right there i'm not sure like i i i mean for me To me, that's more than an ick.

Speaker 10 To me, that's just bad hygiene.

Speaker 10 Like, I'm like, that's like a

Speaker 17 yeah, exactly.

Speaker 10 That's like a basic human thing that you'd want from everyone, let alone the person.

Speaker 19 Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 7 That's true. Right?

Speaker 26 It's yeah, I think women definitely are potentially pickier, I'd say, maybe when it comes to things like that.

Speaker 10 Interesting. Well, I got up here the top five icks women commonly have about men.

Speaker 7 Yeah, go on.

Speaker 10 Lack of hygiene or grooming.

Speaker 21 Oh, wait, that women have about men.

Speaker 10 Yeah, okay. Dirty nails, bad breath, or unkept hair can instantly kill attraction.
Wow. Smelling bad or being generally unkept ranks high in surveys.
Wow.

Speaker 10 However, I would say I know a lot of friends who are with guys who don't don't smell great.

Speaker 31 And they're

Speaker 31 interesting.

Speaker 10 Number two is icks that women have about men, overconfidence or cockiness.

Speaker 17 Bragging is

Speaker 7 a dominating

Speaker 10 positions or acting like a know-it-all is often perceived as insecurity, masked as arrogance.

Speaker 31 I like that.

Speaker 21 That's a good one. Let's talk about that.

Speaker 10 What is the difference between confidence and cockiness and confidence and arrogance for you?

Speaker 14 I think arrogance is when you are trying to prove to someone that what you're you're worth is, when you're trying to prove to someone that you are better than something else or someone else.

Speaker 21 And I think confidence is, you know, confidence I just find is so much quieter. It's like you just show up with energy that is, you are.

Speaker 21 supporting your own self. You're not trying to put other people down in trying to make yourself look better.

Speaker 14 Right. A lot of the time with arrogance, people are trying to put other people down or they're acting in a way that feels superior.
I think that's the difference.

Speaker 21 Arrogance is superiority.

Speaker 16 Confidence is being able to carry yourself with respect for yourself.

Speaker 14 Yeah.

Speaker 21 And I think you really see the difference when people are talking, acting, how they act towards other people, how they act towards you, the things that they say in conversation, even on a day, like it's so obvious when someone is cocky.

Speaker 21 And usually cockiness comes from insecurity.

Speaker 12 So.

Speaker 10 Yeah, I definitely think overconfidence or arrogance is a turn off for everyone. I don't enjoy it in a conversation.

Speaker 10 It's not endearing. It's not impressive.
You switch off really, really quickly.

Speaker 10 That makes a lot of sense. Number three is immaturity or childish behavior.
This includes playing too many video games, making crude jokes, or being emotionally unavailable or avoidant.

Speaker 10 Those are all icks for women, like serious icks.

Speaker 17 Yeah.

Speaker 32 I think

Speaker 26 the childish behavior, it's interesting because I think some women actually, depending on what traumas they've been through when they've been younger, babying a man is what they've been used to or

Speaker 30 are attracted to.

Speaker 19 Interesting.

Speaker 33 A man to save, a man to look after, a man to care for.

Speaker 26 So I actually see a lot more women.

Speaker 30 Well, I see a lot of powerful women ending up with people like that where they have to look after them.

Speaker 33 Interesting.

Speaker 21 But I can understand why it should be a turn off because you don't want to be mothering your boyfriend or your partner.

Speaker 10 Yeah, I think it's really interesting. I think sometimes women get into relationships hoping the man will change.
Yes. And men get into relationships hoping the woman woman will never change.

Speaker 17 Yes.

Speaker 7 That's so true.

Speaker 10 What ends up happening is that the man doesn't change and the woman does.

Speaker 10 So it's the opposite of what you wanted.

Speaker 10 And when you get into a relationship with a guy who plays video games, he's not just going to stop playing video games the moment you get married. That's that's what he does.
Yeah.

Speaker 10 And you're not going to change that about him.

Speaker 10 And I think that's what's so interesting about these icks is that if something really affects you, you should know it's less likely to change than more likely, especially if it's something conditioned and deeply a part of their life.

Speaker 10 Right. And so

Speaker 10 if something does affect you that deeply, the two questions you have to ask is, why does this trigger me so much? And am I okay if this never changes? I think that's really important.

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Speaker 10 The next one is poor communication. Being vague, giving one-word replies or ghosting creates a feeling of unreliability and emotional distance.

Speaker 21 See, I think there's a difference between x now and what makes someone feel secure in a relationship because that's a big security part of a relationship.

Speaker 21 Where if you feel confused about where you stand, if the person isn't communicating in a way that makes you feel wanted, that actually breeds insecurity in a relationship.

Speaker 22 And I think that more than an ick, that is probably a serious, an ick to me is something that's not a serious problem.

Speaker 12 An ick to me is something slightly silly that your mind's fixated on, but

Speaker 13 there is a bit of humor to it.

Speaker 12 Whereas this doesn't seem like an ick.

Speaker 13 It seems like more of a serious issue because you don't know where you stand in the relationship.

Speaker 12 And I think that you have to know the difference between an ick and something that is actually fundamental.

Speaker 10 That's really interesting because usually we overvalue an ick and we undervalue a fundamental.

Speaker 17 So

Speaker 10 if someone runs with their backpack bouncing,

Speaker 10 we think, oh my gosh, they're so unattractive. But if someone doesn't reply, you're like, oh, they must be busy, right? So we make excuses for the fundamentals,

Speaker 10 but we over-amplify x, which is a really weird thing in our mind.

Speaker 7 Yeah, why do we do that like that?

Speaker 19 Right? Yeah, it's so true.

Speaker 10 It's such an interesting thing. Like, I feel like so many people are like, I just can't deal with the fact that he wears, you know, ankle socks or whatever it is.
And it's like, well, wait a minute.

Speaker 10 That guy replies to every message. Exactly.
That guy shows up when he says he's going to show up. But the guy who's really attractive doesn't show up on time, doesn't message you back.

Speaker 10 But even though he has all of that, you don't care. No.

Speaker 10 Why do we do that why do we justify people's bad behavior i ultimately think it's because when you're attracted to someone when you're into someone you will justify anything they do yeah because you're just so excited about the fact that that person might be into you if someone shows you attention if someone cares about you But if someone is someone that you don't find that attractive, isn't your type, even if they're like the kindest and nicest person,

Speaker 7 you don't care. You don't care.

Speaker 12 I was actually reading something.

Speaker 25 What was it this morning?

Speaker 13 It came up on my Instagram that when you end up being a little bit obsessed with someone,

Speaker 25 your actual physiology in your mind changes so that even the things that you would normally find unattractive, you find attractive in them, especially if it's in a toxic relationship.

Speaker 13 When it's a toxic relationship where things are up and down, apparently the hormones in your body, the chemicals in your mind end up finding even the things that are absolutely grotesque.

Speaker 29 Your body actually, even if the person has bad breath, you don't smell the bad breath.

Speaker 7 Wow.

Speaker 13 Even if the person, you get used to even their smell and the way that they speak and everything that you normally find disgusting in someone else that other people may even notice, you don't.

Speaker 12 That's why it's so funny.

Speaker 25 You know, when you end up seeing someone that your friends dated and you're like, how in the world?

Speaker 21 Especially if they weren't a good person and then you see maybe physically they don't match either.

Speaker 30 It's like that shallow hell effect. Yeah.

Speaker 12 Where the person is literally seeing a completely different version to the person that they actually are.

Speaker 10 That's fascinating. That is so true as well.
So true. All right, I want to go through the list of the top five icks men have about women.

Speaker 7 Number one, okay. Wait, can I say one more thing?

Speaker 29 It's like, for example, I remember I really disliked smoking when I was growing up, but then I remember thinking this guy at my college was really attractive,

Speaker 13 but he was a smoker.

Speaker 13 And at that point, I was like, oh, wow, I actually like the smell of, I was around the smell of smoke so much, I ended up thinking I liked the smell of smoke, even though I absolutely despise smoking.

Speaker 13 And my friends have said the same thing when they've dated people who drink alcohol or when they've dated dated people who smoke weed, they absolutely hate it, would never do it themselves.

Speaker 30 But because they were obsessed with that person or thought that person was attracted, suddenly what they do becomes attractive.

Speaker 19 That's why it's so interesting.

Speaker 10 Yeah, and that's why it's so important to choose someone in your life that actually has the habits and things you want because you're going to be influenced, you're going to be impacted even if you don't want to.

Speaker 21 No, I don't want to do it.

Speaker 32 I just, my mind shifted towards that.

Speaker 10 But if you would have stayed with that person or got with them, or whatever, that slowly would become your lifestyle.

Speaker 20 Yeah, maybe.

Speaker 8 So interesting. Yeah.

Speaker 21 The fact that your mind can shift something you really don't like just because someone that you like does it.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 12 Opposite of icks.

Speaker 10 Top five icks men commonly have about women. Number one, overly superficial behavior.
Talking only about appearances, name-dropping, or obsessing over social media and selfies.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 10 I, yeah, it's frustrating.

Speaker 24 I love a good selfie.

Speaker 10 I know you do. I am your Instagram husband and I never get a photo credit ever.

Speaker 32 You don't, you if you, once you're married, you don't need photocred.

Speaker 7 What?

Speaker 30 It's just part of the relationship, right?

Speaker 10 Okay, yeah, yeah, that's an ick, right? Yeah, and number two, playing mind games, being intentionally vague, manipulative, or using passive-aggressive tactics, that's a fundamental part of both, yeah.

Speaker 30 Yeah, that's not an ick.

Speaker 25 I feel like that's a fundamental issue, yeah.

Speaker 10 Number three, entitlement or materialism, expecting to be spoiled without reciprocation or judging people based on money, status, or possession.

Speaker 12 Some guys like that, to be honest, yeah, because

Speaker 7 it gives them the ability

Speaker 10 or some relationships like that because then it becomes an easy way of showing status yes or an easy way of showing prowess yeah i don't love that though yeah

Speaker 10 fan of that number four being overly dramatic or constantly negative that oh my god

Speaker 10 that's exactly it i struggled with that a lot i felt like i dated a lot of people who were like that all the time really about really small things and i felt like i had to constantly guess what their mood was going to be and that is not an ick it's a big fundamental but it was really challenging to feel as a teenager to feel you had to be the emotional regulator right someone else's emotional too much too much thank you

Speaker 10 which is really really hard and there's a difference between being patient being compassionate being kind and then literally someone asking you to be their emotional regulator

Speaker 10 and then yeah fifth and finally lack of accountability blaming others forever everything

Speaker 10 never admitting when they're wrong or constantly playing the victim these are like serious ex yeah so it's quite a strong list actually yeah because the guy with the list comes up with much easier stuff can you pull up some guy with the list stuff?

Speaker 12 Just yeah, let's do it.

Speaker 10 Let's do this. Let's do it.
Guy with the list, we love you.

Speaker 26 We love you.

Speaker 10 Don't send her an Instagram reel.

Speaker 27 That's it.

Speaker 7 Okay, next.

Speaker 35 You know, when you go to an event and you leave early, like, I will never understand those sort of people.

Speaker 35 Like, you've literally paid money to spend an hour or two of your life to go and watch this event, but you would rather leave 20 minutes early or 10 minutes early to beat the traffic.

Speaker 35 What else is that urgent that you need to get home for rather than the thing that you pay to go and see? Like, that will never

Speaker 35 baffle me. Just to what? Beat the true?

Speaker 10 That's you. That's me.

Speaker 7 You are that.

Speaker 10 She has an ick with you. Yeah.

Speaker 10 A lot of these are visuals.

Speaker 7 I'm sorry to say, if you're a man and you have an iPad, take it back. Ick.

Speaker 7 It.

Speaker 7 An iPad? It's so icky. Like, Azapa, why do you have an iPad? Go get a notebook or just use your phone.

Speaker 17 Okay, you know what? If a guy's got an iPad mini, no.

Speaker 17 A little iPad mini? That could fit in one hand?

Speaker 7 What do you mean? Nah, there's something cheaper than the bigger iPad.

Speaker 10 Oh, nah.

Speaker 17 Mini anything.

Speaker 13 Like in the, like, you know, like a small phone.

Speaker 36 I've just unlocked a new ick. Tell me why.
I was just at the dog park and I met the cutest guy.

Speaker 9 He had the sweetest little dog.

Speaker 36 But in the middle of our conversation, he started screaming his dog's name, calling him five, ten times. And I don't know why, but in that moment, he just became so unattractive to me.

Speaker 9 Like, I just, I, I got my dog and I left.

Speaker 17 These girls are amazing.

Speaker 10 Don't scream at your dog in the dog park.

Speaker 10 This is hilarious. No wonder everyone's single.

Speaker 31 It's rough out there.

Speaker 37 The worst text to send a girl. The morning text.
Good morning, sweetheart. How are you doing? Hope you slept well.
You're basically saying you're a sin. That text is not masculine.

Speaker 37 That is not a good text. It shows needy.
It just shows that, like, oh, I was thinking about you and I was hoping your morning was going well. That's not what you want to come across as.

Speaker 37 Always, always remember, texting is only to set up the date. Men fall into this trap of sending good morning texts, sending texts like, hey, how was your week?

Speaker 37 And wanting to talk and have these big elaborate conversations over text. But what happens is you fall into friend zone or you become profentile.

Speaker 25 No morning texts, mate.

Speaker 10 Wow, it's rough out there for guys.

Speaker 17 Oh, that's a lot.

Speaker 7 Well, that's a lot.

Speaker 10 I think the takeaway is know the difference between icks and fundamentals.

Speaker 10 Don't overvalue icks and undervalue fundamentals. And ultimately, we all have icks.
We all have. Even the person you marry, you'll have icks with, and you can still love each other.
Yeah,

Speaker 18 you can.

Speaker 20 Thank you all so much for watching.

Speaker 17 This was a lovely little funny episode, wasn't it?

Speaker 10 It was spontaneous.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 17 I love it. We love a good ick.

Speaker 7 We do, don't we?

Speaker 10 Hey, everyone.

Speaker 10 If you love that conversation, go and check out my episode with the world's leading therapist, Laurie Gottlieb, where she answers the biggest questions that people ask in therapy when it comes to love, relationships, heartbreak, and dating.

Speaker 10 If you're trying to figure out that space right now, you won't want to miss this conversation.

Speaker 38 If it's a romantic relationship, hold hands. It's really hard to argue.
It actually calms your nervous systems. Just hold hands as you're having the conversation.
It's so lovely.

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