I Reached a Major Milestone! 8 Life-Changing Lessons I’ve Learned From Incredible Guests Along the Way

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Speaker 3 This is Sophie Cunningham from Show Me Something.

Speaker 7 Do you know the symptoms of moderate to severe obstructive sleep apnea or OSA in adults with obesity?

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Speaker 13 OSA is a serious condition where your airway partially or completely collapses during sleep, which may cause breathing interruptions and oxygen deprivation.

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Speaker 25 Reaching 5 million subscribers on YouTube is a milestone I could never have imagined when OnPurpose first began.

Speaker 25 Over the years, I've had the honor of sitting with some of the most extraordinary people in the world. Artists, world leaders, athletes, visionaries, and experts.

Speaker 25 These conversations have offered us glimpses into how greatness is built, how vulnerability becomes strength, and how love and resilience shape our lives.

Speaker 25 I'm truly grateful for how far we've come and it's all because of you. It's also just the beginning.

Speaker 25 So today, we're celebrating our community and this milestone by revisiting some of the most significant moments from incredible guests along the way.

Speaker 26 The number one health and wellness podcast.

Speaker 25 Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty.
The one, the only Jay Shetty.

Speaker 25 I remember this one really well because I was in France. I flew to London to take a flight to the US and then flew back to London to interview Tom all within 24 hours.

Speaker 25 When I spoke with Tom Holland, he shared something deeply personal. his decision to quit drinking.
In a world that celebrates alcohol, he stepped away to protect his mental and emotional health.

Speaker 25 And he's not alone. Surveys show more young people are choosing sobriety than ever before, with many saying they feel healthier and more present.
Here's Tom on how that choice changed his life.

Speaker 25 One of the things that you mentioned recently was that you gave up drinking about a year and a half ago. Yes.
And you said it was the hardest thing you ever did. Yes.

Speaker 25 And I wanted to know what was so hard about it for you. Why was it so hard?

Speaker 26 It's interesting. I didn't one day wake up and say, I'm giving up drinking.
I just,

Speaker 26 like many Brits, had had a very, very boozy December. Christmas time.
I was on vacation. I was drinking a lot.
And I've always been able to drink a lot.

Speaker 26 I think I get my genes from my mum's side in that thing.

Speaker 26 I can drink. And I decided to just give up for January.
I just wanted to do dry January. And

Speaker 26 all I could think about was having a drink. It's all I could think about.
I was waking up thinking about it. I was checking the clock.
When's it 12?

Speaker 26 And it just really scared me. I just was like, wow, maybe, maybe I have a little bit of an alcohol thing.
So I sort of decided to punish myself and say, I'll do February as well.

Speaker 26 I'll do two months off. If I can do two months off, then I can prove to myself that I don't have a problem.

Speaker 26 Two months go by

Speaker 26 and I was still really struggling. I felt like I couldn't be social.
I felt like I couldn't go to the pub and have a lime soda. I couldn't go out for dinner.
I was really, really struggling.

Speaker 26 And I started to really worry that maybe I had an alcohol problem.

Speaker 26 So I decided that I would wait until my birthday, which is June 1st. I said to myself, if I can do six months without alcohol, then I can prove to myself that I don't have a problem.

Speaker 26 And by the time I had got to June 1st, I was the happiest I would ever been in my life. I could sleep better.
I could handle problems better.

Speaker 26 things that would go wrong on set that would normally set me off, I could take in my stride.

Speaker 26 I had so much, such better mental clarity i felt healthier i felt fitter and i just sort of said to myself like why why am i enslaved to this drink why am i so obsessed by the idea of having this drink and i would look back and recognize that i would go to events for for work and you know i can't enjoy myself until i've had a few beers

Speaker 26 and i just felt so much pressure. And this is one of the things why I've sort of distanced myself from the rugby community because so much of it is about how much can you drink?

Speaker 26 Let's get you as drunk as possible. And it's honestly been the best thing I've ever done.
I'm a year and a half into it now.

Speaker 26 It doesn't even cross my mind. I found amazing replacements that I think are fantastic.
Ones that are also really healthy.

Speaker 26 I found this one beer that it's full of electrolytes and it's, you know, the carbohydrates in it are long-lasting energy. So like having a beer is now actually like a really healthy thing.

Speaker 26 I'm really lucky that all my friends are super supportive about it. I've never run into that scenario where my friends are like, oh, go on, just have a beer.
Like you're fine.

Speaker 26 They've always sort of really supported me. And I don't want to be that person that's saying to people, you should get sober, you should get sober.

Speaker 26 If I could encourage someone to drink less, then that's great. But I don't want to start getting into the world of, you need to stop drinking because I just, it's not for me to say.

Speaker 26 I went on my own little journey. I'm really enjoying it.
I'm delighted that my mum's almost has also given up. She's loving it.
And it's been amazing.

Speaker 26 I can't believe the difference that I feel from not drinking. Yeah.
I feel amazing.

Speaker 25 That's amazing, man. I love hearing that.
And I love hearing that it's been great for you, right? I think that's the point. Not everything has to be like, look what I did.
You can do it too.

Speaker 25 It's kind of like, no, this is just what's been great for me. Do you think it was partly that attitude for you at least in the beginning, where it's like, well, look, I can drink.
I drink a lot.

Speaker 25 It comes from my mum's jeans and it doesn't affect me. And then all of a sudden you realize, well, wait a minute.
It's more than that. Because I think there is that.

Speaker 25 Like I was like that as a young man as well. Like for me, it was, it was easy to drink.
I didn't drink daily. For me, I drank a lot more socially.
Sure.

Speaker 25 And I loved playing drinking games with my mates. Yeah.
That was really what I enjoyed the most probably

Speaker 25 and for me when I quit I could just quickly see how it just got me into doing things I would never do if I wasn't drunk so for me for me it was more that but yeah I wonder for you did you find that it's there's a really fine line between like oh I know I can drink a lot and then all of a sudden you're kind of addicted not addicted beyond that no addicted mate I'm happy to say like I was definitely addicted to alcohol not shying away from that at all.

Speaker 26 I think anyone that wakes up and has it not wakes up anyone that has a beer every day has probably got a little bit of a problem. But yeah, you're right.

Speaker 26 I would drink and drink and drink and drink. And then you would just reach that moment where you're like, wow, I shouldn't have had that last beer.

Speaker 26 And you wake up the next day and you have a terrible headache and you're suffering. I bought one of those rings that will tell you about your sleep.
Yeah, or a ring.

Speaker 28 Yeah.

Speaker 26 And it was amazing because I couldn't sleep. I was like, why can't I sleep? I'm working 14 hours a day.
I'm doing two hours in the gym. I'm eating really healthily and I can't sleep.

Speaker 26 What's wrong with me? I bought this ring and it was booze. It just, it was completely affecting my sleep.
And since I've given it up, I can sleep anywhere.

Speaker 26 You know, it's also interesting as well going on nights out and having a great time as the sober person and then getting to that point in the night where people start, you know, spitting in your ear and everyone's, I love you, man.

Speaker 26 I love you so much. And you're like, yeah, brilliant.
I love you too. I'll see you tomorrow.

Speaker 23 I'm going to bed.

Speaker 26 I love being that person now.

Speaker 26 I love seeing my friends on the golf course at 8 a.m. in the morning, feeling fresh and ready to go.
And they're sort of crawling out their car.

Speaker 28 And so, yeah.

Speaker 26 So I'm over the moon to be sober. I love it.

Speaker 25 Yeah. For anyone who is listening right now and it's going, Tom, I love that for you.
I want to do it too. Like they're listening going, I'm having too much every day.

Speaker 25 I can notice some of those things, but I'm just stuck. And it's hard because we know that addiction's that way.
We know that this is heavy. It's not easy.

Speaker 25 But if someone is watching going, Tom, tell me, like, what did you do to even get started? How did you have that courage to say, I'm going to do January? I'm going to stick at it.

Speaker 25 Were there any moments where you actually fell back and then had to get back on the horse again?

Speaker 26 Like, just walk us through that a little bit more for anyone who is watching going tom mate i i want to be in your position in like six months i didn't fall back on it i have done in the past like i've had periods of my life where i'd given up drinking and then gone back to drinking um but this time

Speaker 26 i don't know it was just different i really worked to sort of change my mindset I really asked myself, like, why do you drink? Why are you drinking?

Speaker 26 And a lot of the time, my answer would be to feel more comfortable in the social environment.

Speaker 26 And I just put myself in those environments and just would force myself to be there. I'd force myself to hang out and go to a club or go to a bar, go to a dinner.

Speaker 25 So you weren't avoiding those places.

Speaker 26 I was at the beginning because I didn't feel like I could go and not have a drink because of the stress of it. But then after a while, I sort of was like, mate, you've got to pull your socks up here.

Speaker 26 And you can't just live in your house all the time. You've got to go out and enjoy yourself.
And if you're only enjoying yourself because you're drinking, then you really do have a problem.

Speaker 26 But I just changed my mindset. I just, I found found really good replacements, things that I could sort of attribute to having a beer.

Speaker 26 I often found with me, most of it is just the ritual of cracking something open and sharing it with friends and drinking it.

Speaker 26 Whether it's sparkling water or a beer, I now can't, I don't associate like, I don't see a difference. Yeah.

Speaker 25 But I think it's different for everyone.

Speaker 26 I had a great support system. Jack is one of my best mates and we travel all over the world.
He doesn't drink and doing it with him was a really helpful experience for me.

Speaker 26 My brother is always on the road with me. He was very supportive.
And yeah, I just really set my mind to it. I was like, I really want to do this.
I want to prove to myself I can do it.

Speaker 26 And then once I'd felt the health benefits and started really feeling like my full self, it's like, oh my God, this is the best. But do you not drink?

Speaker 25 I haven't drank for 17 years. No way.
Congratulations.

Speaker 23 That's amazing.

Speaker 25 That's still amazing. Yeah.
It's incredible. Wow.
So one of the best feelings in the world.

Speaker 25 And it's, my, my biggest like worry when I was about to quit was like, how am I going to hang out with my mates? That was my biggest worry.

Speaker 27 My biggest worry.

Speaker 25 I was like, my mates knew me as the guy who was like first to the game, last to get out. That was me, right?

Speaker 25 You know, the clown when I got drunk, like life of the party, kind of like that kind of guy. And then all of a sudden, I decided I wasn't going to drink anymore.

Speaker 25 I was like, crap, am I going to fit in? And then I remember I went into the corporate world for a bit and I didn't drink.

Speaker 25 And I was like, God, am I going to miss out on like opportunities and networking? Like, you know, all the guys afterwards are like going to get drinks.

Speaker 25 And I'm like, I'll come, but I'll have a water or I'll have a soda, whatever it is.

Speaker 25 And what was really interesting for me is not relying on drinking made me rely on qualities and skills I had

Speaker 25 that were actually better.

Speaker 25 So now that I couldn't drink as an excuse to hang with the lads, I was bringing out parts of my personality that I probably would have just hidden away and ignored, yeah, suppressed.

Speaker 25 And all of a sudden, you were actually getting respected and liked for who you were rather than the person who you were when you were drunk. Sure.
And actually, that worked in the workplace.

Speaker 25 And there was no one at the workplace going, RJ doesn't drink, so he's not getting promoted. Right.
It wasn't like that.

Speaker 25 People are like oh yeah i really like hanging out with jay or he's he's a really good guy or whatever it may be and i was still getting the same opportunities and i was still getting promoted at work and whatever it was and i think that's what i'd like to remind people that don't feel like your career or your work is going to suffer even for you like you've i'm sure as a you know with your career path you have to be at parties you have to be at events of course and the fact that you're able to do that now without having alcohol and you don't it doesn't sound like it's negatively impacting your career if anything it's the opposite mate i honestly cannot believe like the amount of times i've sat down with an actor that i've really admired or sat down with a producer or director and been like oh you know well i don't drink anymore and they go oh i don't drink 10 years and you're like oh my god and i've had so many insightful conversations with people like yourself where you've heard their story their reason for giving up and there is a wonderful community of people and I love it.

Speaker 26 I love being a part of that community. I'm really proud to be a part of it.
I hope that, you know, I can meet other people and chat to them about it because it's really nice.

Speaker 25 It's lovely to be like, let's go get a lime soda soda together, you know? Yeah, let's get a juice.

Speaker 27 Let's get a smoothie. Yeah.

Speaker 25 Yeah. No, it is true.
It is true. And it's really interesting because they, I can't remember.
I'm trying to remember. There was this blog that came out years ago.
I can't even remember it now.

Speaker 25 And there was this girl on Instagram who was getting a lot of likes and a lot of comments and a lot of attention.

Speaker 25 And

Speaker 25 one day she just disappeared. Like she stopped posting.
And everyone's just like, all the comments were like, where are you? What happened? Are you okay? Like, what happened to you?

Speaker 25 you know everyone was frantic trying to figure out what happened to her because they loved her they were following her and all the rest of it and

Speaker 25 what they didn't know is that it was built by a team that was trying to show that what people didn't notice is that in every picture she posted she was drinking and it was a made up it was almost like original AI that was made up to prove the point that you can love someone and you could think you're really close to them and you you could think their lifestyle looks amazing but actually they've got a drink in every picture they post and you didn't realize they had an alcohol problem so there was no real person who died but the point was that this your friends could be struggling even when they're posting these beautiful lifestyle pictures but are you aware wow and are you conscious of how much it affects you and i can't can't remember who built that picture well that i think that's one of the problems with alcohol is that if you came out with alcohol right now if alcohol wasn't a thing and you like i've invented this drink that is gonna make you like either really happy or really aggressive or really stupid and we're gonna just sell it to the masses people would be like nah mate keep your funky juice.

Speaker 26 Like, we don't want that.

Speaker 25 That sounds terrible.

Speaker 26 And it's one of those things because it is so socially acceptable that the addiction side of it, the bad sides of it, really do fly under the radar. Yeah.
And that's really interesting.

Speaker 26 I'll tell you something I do love about being a non-drinker. I love being the designated driver.

Speaker 26 I love being that person that makes sure that everyone gets home. I don't know.
I just, I like being a dependable person. I think I'm quite dependable.
And I really like that

Speaker 26 thing. And I saw this crazy YouTube video once.
This was was years ago of a guy that went to a bar he got drunk and he drove home and he crashed his car

Speaker 26 and i don't know if this is real it could have been fake but it's really impactful basically what his friend had done was

Speaker 26 set up the room as if he had been in a coma for like 10 years and his friend wakes up hours after the crash and his friend is there and he had all like old makeup on to make him look older and now i'm thinking about it there's no way this could have been real because how would they have been able to pull that off?

Speaker 26 But he basically is saying to him, like, you've been asleep for 10 years. Everyone's missed you.
Like, we can't believe you're awake. This is amazing.

Speaker 26 And it shows like how a stupid decision like driving drunk can affect the future of your life. So I do love being the designated driver.
That is something I enjoy.

Speaker 26 Seeing my friends have a good time and being like, don't worry, Tom will take you home.

Speaker 23 Yeah.

Speaker 25 I used to love being the designated driver until I realized that an ex-girlfriend just had me do that because I was the one who didn't take that right. That wasn't a fun designated driver, yeah.

Speaker 25 but I've always been that guy since because so I lived as a monk for three years yeah amazing and uh when I came back after that obviously I never went back to drinking alcohol and everything and so but I went back into the workplace and I remember everyone would always open up to me and give me advice but it's what you're saying when someone was drunk they'd tell me their whole life story yeah next day they'd wake up and go jay you'd actually remember what i said right i remember everything they're like please don't tell anyone

Speaker 25 you know and i loved i loved that part where i was like i was able to be there for people totally just hear their stories 100 and someone that had context the next day, because if they told someone else who was drunk, you'd both not remember, then it'd be gone.

Speaker 25 No, I think the benefits that you've just pointed out of good sleep, good health, great mental clarity

Speaker 23 are huge.

Speaker 25 But there's a couple of things I want to point out for everyone who's listening, just as takeaways, because Tom makes it so seamless when you're talking about it. It's really beautiful as well.

Speaker 25 But one of the things you mentioned was finding alternatives. And during my monk life, we always talked about how there was, there was something that we called the higher taste.

Speaker 25 And it was saying you can never give up a lower taste unless you had a higher taste. And so there has to be a switch.
There has to be a replacement. There has to be a replacement.

Speaker 25 And the fact that you found alternatives, I think that's half the battle. Sure.
Because most of us are trying to take something out of our lives and then you're just trying to fill it. Yeah.

Speaker 25 And then you have to go back to what you had before because you're not finding a replacement. So that was beautiful.

Speaker 25 And the second thing you said, which I loved, which was having this conversation and dialogue with other people, someone who's one year ahead of you, someone who's 10 years ahead, someone who's 20 years ahead, who's gone through that process and they're open and honest and vulnerable about, well, you know what, I did have a weak moment or, you know what, this was really tough for me.

Speaker 25 And I think having those communities where you can talk about these things makes a massive difference.

Speaker 25 So if anyone's struggling, I hope that those two things can kind of, you know, give you the support you need.

Speaker 25 Tom's honesty reminds us of a key takeaway: that strength doesn't come from fitting in, but from making the choices that protect your peace.

Speaker 25 Whether it's alcohol, overworking, or any habit that no longer serves you, sometimes the bravest thing we can do is to let it go.

Speaker 25 One of the most inspiring conversations I've ever had and that I'm deeply grateful for was with the legendary late Kobe Bryant.

Speaker 25 I got to interview Kobe Bryant just a few months before his tragic passing with his daughter. Kobe described his mindset for excellence, what he often called the mamba mentality.

Speaker 25 It wasn't about talent alone. It was about obsession, discipline and showing up every single day.

Speaker 25 Psychologists studying mastery of skills have found that consistent, deliberate practice is the strongest predictor of peak performance.

Speaker 25 Talent is valuable, but without consistency, something Kobe embodied in every area of his life, it's rarely enough. Let's take a look.

Speaker 25 How have you been able to, in your life, see past the cloud of emotion to actually execute on things?

Speaker 25 Because I think what we were speaking about earlier, this challenge that young people have today, everyone has today of just so much information, so much cloud of emotion, so many feelings, so much childhood baggage that you're bringing.

Speaker 25 Like, how have you always cut through that and executed on that?

Speaker 30 You know, what I try to do is just try to be still

Speaker 30 and understand that things come and go. Emotions come and go.
The important thing is to accept them all, to embrace them all, and then you can choose to do with them what you want versus being...

Speaker 30 controlled by emotion. You know, a lot of times I've seen players, even myself, you know, when I was younger, being consumed by a particular fear

Speaker 30 and to the point where you're saying, okay, no, it's, it's not good to feel fear. I shouldn't be nervous in this situation.

Speaker 30 Like not, and it does nothing but grow versus stepping back and saying, yeah, I am nervous about the situation. Yeah, I am fearful about the situation.
Well, what am I afraid of?

Speaker 2 And then you kind of unpack it.

Speaker 30 And then it gives you the ability to look at it for really what it is, which is. nothing more than your imagination running its course, you know?

Speaker 25 Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I love that.
Cause what you're saying is that when you're dealing with something, it's almost like, how can I get to the root of it? Yeah.

Speaker 25 Because sometimes what we're dealing with, like you're saying, it's an imagination, an illusion. It's not really...

Speaker 2 It's not, it's not really a thing.

Speaker 30 You know, like you think about game-winning shots and, or game-winning free throws, and people go to the free throw line and they're nervous about it. Well, what are you really nervous about?

Speaker 30 If you unpack that, okay, you're nervous that you're going to miss the shot. All right.
So you missed the shot. Then what happens? People are going to be embarrassed.

Speaker 30 You're going to be embarrassed because thousands of people, millions of people see you missed a shot.

Speaker 2 All right. And then what?

Speaker 30 People are going to talk bad about you.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 30 Right. And And so you're looking at it and go, are those things even important?

Speaker 30 You know what I mean? If that is my fear, like, what is you're worried about letting your teammates down? Okay. Have you let them down before?

Speaker 2 Oh, I'm sure.

Speaker 30 And practice and things of that nature, right?

Speaker 2 And they're still there. Yeah.

Speaker 30 You know? And so when you're able to unpack it, you kind of look at it for what it is, which is really nothing.

Speaker 25 Yeah, I love that. Breaking it down.
I think that's so important.

Speaker 25 I think everyone who's listening or watching right now, next time you're facing a fear, next time you're going against something, do that. Like literally unpack it.

Speaker 30 Don't just settle for your first answer because the first answer is rarely the right one don't hide from it you know you got to be able to look at it and you know and and and deal with it head on

Speaker 25 yeah i love that man and and you talk about that because you talk about you know when you talk about missing uh five throws and you talk about uh getting over yourself yeah right like getting over yourself how did you get that mentality of just being like i need to get over this like i need to get over myself you know trial and error you know you grow up and you make game-winning shots and it's awesome you come back the next day and miss a game-winning shot and and it's misery.

Speaker 30 And then the next day comes and you're back playing again.

Speaker 30 And you understand that life has this cyclical nature where it's, you know, what you do on Monday is fantastic, but then Tuesday is a bad day. But guess what? There's Wednesday.

Speaker 30 So are we just supposed to live our lives like this the whole time? You know, versus just staying like this and understanding that it's really just a journey of. evolution every day.

Speaker 30 It's just constant improvement, constant curiosity, constantly getting better. The results don't really matter.

Speaker 30 It's the figuring out that matters.

Speaker 25 Yeah. And we all get obsessed about the results.
Yeah. Like we get obsessed about like the output, not the input of not figuring it out and not like changing things.

Speaker 25 What you said, trial and error, like the experimenting. Yeah.

Speaker 20 We forget to do that.

Speaker 30 It's unfortunate, man. Like I've seen a lot of players, especially now, you know, in youth basketball dealing with that.

Speaker 30 You have players that are like bigger and faster and stronger. And, you know, their coaches are just coaching them.

Speaker 2 for results.

Speaker 30 We're just going to use your size because you're bigger than every other 12-year-old out there to dominate today.

Speaker 30 But they're not growing. Right.
So they're just based on that result, but they're not focused on growing this young child

Speaker 30 into becoming a veteran athlete. And through that, teaching them how to become a more well-rounded person.
And we're missing that.

Speaker 25 Yeah. See, what you've said there, just it.
I want to ask you this. And I'm not saying it because I, you know, like you know yourself best and you know how you've got there.

Speaker 25 So I'm asking it from a place of humility of learning. When I look at you, I'm like, you know, your superpower isn't just your work ethic.
Your superpower isn't just like figuring things out.

Speaker 25 Your superpower is like, you think strategically. Like, that's a very strategic thought of saying this person

Speaker 25 could be this in the future if they were developed as a whole individual, rather than just like, let's use them for the short term. Right.
Where did you develop that from?

Speaker 25 That ability to see beyond, to think deeper, to reflect deeper? Where did that come from?

Speaker 30 Well, I had to do that because, you know, I grew up, growing up in Italy. When I first moved over there, it was, you know, I didn't speak Italian.
I I didn't have any friends.

Speaker 30 You know, I had the game of basketball and through sport and playing soccer, I was able to make friends and build connections. But it was a lot of time spent alone.

Speaker 30 And when I came back to the States, I wasn't the most athletic kid. You know, I was really strawny, like really, really skinny and had like major knee issues because I was growing.

Speaker 20 So I was the dorky kid with high socks and...

Speaker 2 big old knee pads.

Speaker 25 It's fashionable now. It's fashionable now.

Speaker 2 It wasn't then. It wasn't in.

Speaker 30 And so

Speaker 30 I had to look long term because in the here and now, I couldn't compete with these kids.

Speaker 2 I mean, there's kids that were like 12 years old with beards. Like, I can't,

Speaker 2 what am I supposed to do with that? Like, they're doing windmills and dunking backwards and I'm happy to like tap the backboard, you know?

Speaker 30 So, I had to look at it from a long term because I wasn't going to give up on the game. Right.
So I had to say, okay, this year I'm going to get better at that.

Speaker 30 Next year, this. And then so forth and so on.
And then patiently, I was able to catch them.

Speaker 25 Yeah. Klobe taught us that greatness isn't an accident.

Speaker 25 It's built through discipline consistency and the willingness to go further than most are willing to go his words and wisdom live on as a challenge to bring our best to whatever we love

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Certified to operate by Chev.

Speaker 3 This is Sophie Cunningham from Show Me Something.

Speaker 7 Do you know the symptoms of moderate to severe obstructive sleep apnea or OSA in adults with obesity?

Speaker 4 They may be happening to you without you knowing.

Speaker 9 If anyone has ever said you snored loudly or if you spend your days fighting off excessive tiredness, irritability, and concentration issues, it may be due to OSA.

Speaker 13 OSA is a serious condition where your airway partially or completely collapses during sleep, which may cause breathing interruptions and oxygen deprivation.

Speaker 15 Learn more at don'tsleep on osa.com.

Speaker 17 This information is provided by Lilly, a medicine company.

Speaker 31 One in three people untreated just don't wake up.

Speaker 21 I may be the one in three.

Speaker 32 It feels as if someone removed all my skin down to the muscle and covered me in a wool blanket.

Speaker 33 All you want to do is find the magic wand that's going to take all of this away. We just couldn't find it.

Speaker 21 She was screaming uncontrollably, like she was in pain.

Speaker 34 It was very, very very clear that something was going wrong.

Speaker 33 How do you fight an unknown enemy?

Speaker 35 And I was walking back and I lost my vision.

Speaker 14 I did not know what was going on.

Speaker 35 Nothing like that had ever happened to me before.

Speaker 24 Searching for clues while the clock ticks.

Speaker 1 Doctors gave her a timeline of, we don't think you'll live past your 25th birthday.

Speaker 22 And the stakes couldn't be higher.

Speaker 30 I am not going to be okay if we're too late to help Rosie. She's the mission.
We have to get it done in time for Rosie.

Speaker 33 I'm Lauren Bright Pacheco, host of Symptomatic, a medical mystery podcast. Listen to all new episodes wherever you get the stories that matter to you.

Speaker 25 When Emma Watson called me to be on the show, I was thrilled. One insight in our sit-down out of the many that she said that stood out was her view on building relationships from wholeness, not need.

Speaker 25 In her younger years, she might have chosen from uncertainty, but now she seeks love from peace and self-knowledge. She also spoke about asking the hardest questions.
Am I really happy?

Speaker 25 Am I aligned with my values? Questions that push us beyond appearances and towards truth. One of the hardest questions, you talked about

Speaker 25 asking yourself difficult questions, and I want to ask you something about that. But one thing I've said to my wife is, If you ever fall out of love with me, please tell me.

Speaker 25 Because I don't want to live a day without love.

Speaker 25 I'm really confident about the fact that i'm worthy of love and that i want to experience love in my life if you ever fall out of me just tell me it's okay because i don't have the desire to stay somewhere for any other reason and it sounds risky saying that in extreme but to me it's a greater risk to have spent 10 extra years with someone and then they tell me yeah i haven't really loved you for the last five 10 years and then i'm like wait a minute i've lived without love for 10 years of my life and i don't want to be in that place because i've seen people go through that and not be happy.

Speaker 25 And so it does come with a humility and a openness to have very difficult conversations

Speaker 25 and not to force something that, oh, it's been going great for 12 years. It has to.
It should do. It must do.
And it's like, well, maybe no. Like, yes, if it does, it's great.
And it is right now.

Speaker 25 But why should right now be a prediction for how you feel in 15 years with everything else that's going to change?

Speaker 36 I think if I knew I really couldn't meet the needs of someone and they couldn't meet my needs, if I really couldn't make them happy and they couldn't make me happy, like forcing them to stay in that situation, surely that like makes love impossible, like negates.

Speaker 36 So I totally get what you're saying. And

Speaker 36 my mum said this thing to me, which was like, you want to be with someone because you want them, not because you need them. And I think maybe another reason why

Speaker 36 I didn't get married younger is because I think maybe I would have married someone not knowing who I was. And I would have needed them, maybe not wanted them.

Speaker 36 And I think now I have a life that's whole and complete as it is. And I would be making a choice from a place of,

Speaker 36 I just want you.

Speaker 36 And

Speaker 36 I don't need you.

Speaker 36 but I just want you. And

Speaker 36 I don't think I was that woman five years ago.

Speaker 25 Yeah, I love that. And there's so much to be said for attracting from a place of peace

Speaker 25 because you know what peace feels like.

Speaker 25 And so then anyone or anything that comes into your life.

Speaker 36 And what feeling satisfied feels like.

Speaker 25 Satisfied is probably even a better word. And that feeling of, I know what it feels like to be satisfied.
And so I now know whether someone makes me more satisfied or less. I know what my baseline is.

Speaker 36 If you don't know what your baseline happy is, then how do you, you've got no idea of knowing what's going on at all.

Speaker 25 And that's not a feeling of being complete or having it all figured out. It's like, I know what satisfy is a great word.

Speaker 25 It's like, I know what it feels like to be at peace with myself or satisfied with myself. And now everyone can show me

Speaker 25 where that pendulum swings. Yes.

Speaker 25 One thing you said, which I, which really resonated with me, is that you've had to ask yourself so many hard questions to do the work.

Speaker 25 And I wanted to ask you, what's one of the hardest questions you've ever ever had to ask yourself? If you could recall?

Speaker 36 Well, the first one that comes to mind, and then maybe I'll dig for a deeper or different one, is like, to have to admit to myself or ask myself the question of like,

Speaker 36 you right now have the career and the life that like

Speaker 36 looks like the dream.

Speaker 36 But are you really happy, Emma? Are you really healthy? Are you really happy? Like, is this really what you want?

Speaker 36 And to be at that point and like realize and have to admit to myself that I wasn't and I didn't was one of the scariest things I've ever had to do. Because,

Speaker 36 you know, I basically had to ask myself on a daily basis, like,

Speaker 36 I felt like I was crazy. And

Speaker 36 walking away from something without knowing what you're walking towards

Speaker 36 was

Speaker 36 not having the answers, but leaving something that was con that the world considered considered to be such of such high value, such a high value kind of moment in my professional life and career.

Speaker 36 I think that was a real

Speaker 36 sitting with that was a real moment of reckoning of like, can you tell yourself the truth? Can you live with your truth?

Speaker 36 Can you accept the fact that for most other people, your truth is pretty confusing and unpalatable. That was definitely a hard moment of sitting.

Speaker 36 More recently, because I've been being my own partner, asking myself, are you really living your values, the things that you preach? Are you actually aligned?

Speaker 36 And actually looking at some spaces in my life where I was like, shit, no, not at all. I'm actually not doing what I talk about.
And I...

Speaker 36 need to like create some sort of urgency or a deadline for that so that I make sure that I'm a person of integrity. I purport to be someone that cares about the world and about the planet and

Speaker 36 sustainability. And, you know, there are some things I was doing.
Was it enough? By my own standards, not by anyone else's, just by my own.

Speaker 36 Probably not. But what's nice is, is

Speaker 36 I actually have the time now to be like, okay, what are you going to do about it?

Speaker 28 Like, get on with it.

Speaker 25 But those, those are great. Thank you for those.

Speaker 37 Those are great questions.

Speaker 25 Really, really great questions. Emma's Emma's bravery and honesty reminds us that real love begins with knowing yourself.

Speaker 25 When you're complete on your own, you can choose someone because you want them, not because you need them.

Speaker 25 And just as importantly, fulfillment comes from having the courage to ask hard questions, to walk away from what looks good on the outside if it doesn't feel right on the inside, and to realign your life.

Speaker 25 with your deepest values. Now, it's a given that Madonna is a cultural icon.
But what struck me most wasn't her ambition or longevity, it was her devotion to spirituality.

Speaker 25 Even at the height of fame, the success, she felt a void and what sustained her wasn't the limelight, but the rituals that gave her peace and purpose.

Speaker 25 From yoga and Sanskrit study to Kabbalah, spirituality became the compass she realized she needed for herself and for her daughter.

Speaker 25 What are your spiritual practices and rituals that have been so supportive and emblematic of your journey that have kept you going at the times, as you said, there were so many times you could give up or things could go wrong or you kept pushing and they kept you locked.

Speaker 25 What were they? What are they?

Speaker 32 Well, one really important thing is studying, making time every week to sit down and study. I mean, you can study...

Speaker 32 the Bible, you can study the poetry of Cahil Gibran, or you can study the Vedas.

Speaker 25 And you did that, right? You actually studied different traditions on your own.

Speaker 32 I mean to be honest, before I discovered Kabbalah, I was looking for answers.

Speaker 25 And why do you think that was? Why were you looking for answers?

Speaker 32 Because I had everything that

Speaker 32 people would assume would give you happiness. I had

Speaker 32 successful career. I had fame, fortune, monetary things, physical things.

Speaker 32 But I wasn't happy. And I naturally sought out, well, when I was a dancer, I had a roommate.
She was a Buddhist. And she would get up and chant every day.

Speaker 32 And so I was very intrigued by that. Like nothing bothered her.
You know what I mean? Everything bothers me.

Speaker 32 Everything bothers me. I'm, you know, I'm a Leo.

Speaker 32 I'm Italian. I'm very dramatic.

Speaker 32 I wouldn't say she was peaceful all the time, but I was just struck by her confidence and her

Speaker 32 knowingness that everything was happening for a reason. She never got upset about things.

Speaker 32 And this is in the beginning of my career when I was living in New York and I was broke and a lot of crazy things happened to me.

Speaker 32 Really scary, traumatic things. And I would always ask her, her name is Marianne.
I would always say,

Speaker 32 why are you never upset?

Speaker 32 So I attributed that to her spiritual life, but it didn't speak to me and then later on i started practicing yoga ashtanga yoga and my teacher eddie um stern he still has a love eddie he's great you know eddie yeah

Speaker 32 yeah he's amazing i got quite caught up in and competitive about like first series second series third series but one thing i noticed is that a lot of people would come into his

Speaker 32 practice his studio where he taught and they wouldn't even do the poses. They would just go and sit in front of the statue of Ganesh or light candles or prayer.

Speaker 32 And I realized, and Eddie pointed it out to me, because sometimes I would have injuries,

Speaker 32 or I would be traveling and I couldn't practice yoga. And he'd say, look, are you breathing? And I'd say, yes.
And he said, you're practicing yoga. So I realized that I was too, still

Speaker 32 too caught up in the physical poses.

Speaker 32 He's like, no, you don't understand. You're missing the whole point.

Speaker 32 The poses are just something that you do

Speaker 32 to breathe through, to calm your nervous system down, and to bring you back to your center. And that really spoke to me.
There was a big,

Speaker 32 no, it was a painting on the wall of the yoga studio. It says desire and detachment.
And I said, what does that mean? And he said, well, of course, we want.

Speaker 32 We want all the beautiful things in life. We want all the pleasures.
We want all the happiness.

Speaker 32 We want it all. There's nothing wrong with that.
But you can't be attached to it. Because then if you're attached to it and you don't don't have it, what's going to happen to you?

Speaker 32 So I studied that for a while and I studied Sanskrit.

Speaker 32 I had a teacher and, you know, I learned that the vibrations of the letters, you know, had a calming effect on your nervous system and centered you and placed you firmly rooted in the earth.

Speaker 32 And all of that made sense to me. But then, again, nothing happens by accident.

Speaker 32 But I was pregnant with my daughter, Lola, my oldest daughter, and I suddenly realized, I was living in LA, I suddenly realized I'm going to be responsible for another human being. What

Speaker 32 am I going to teach her? I'm just, I'm like a meteor, like

Speaker 32 making my way through the, you know, the, on this planet. Like,

Speaker 32 you know, I have great survival instincts. I have a great work ethic.
Yes, I'm very ambitious, all of those things.

Speaker 32 But I was never like, I was just knocking them down, you know what I mean? And not like looking back.

Speaker 32 Like, I'm going to be somebody because that's, you know, that's why I came to New York in the first place. I will never go back to the nobody life I had when I was a child growing up.

Speaker 24 So

Speaker 32 I definitely was fueled

Speaker 32 by

Speaker 32 an inner drive. But I would not say that I was spiritual or conscious.

Speaker 32 When I was pregnant, I suddenly realized I knew nothing and i was a slave or a victim of of other people's opinions of me and i didn't have really even though it looks like and looks like i was confident brave

Speaker 32 audacious whatever you know

Speaker 32 um i deep down inside i was not

Speaker 32 so I was at a dinner party.

Speaker 25 While you were pregnant. Yeah.

Speaker 32 I was at a dinner party at my friend's in L.A., and there was a woman sitting next to me.

Speaker 32 And I knew her vaguely.

Speaker 32 She's a costume designer. She was a costume designer.
Her husband's a director. And she said, oh, you should come with me to class.

Speaker 23 And I said, what class?

Speaker 32 I'm open to classes, by the way. I love being a student.
So what's the class all about? She said, there's a teacher there.

Speaker 32 It's something called Kabbalah. It's next to a synagogue.
And I was like, wait, so he's Jewish? And she said, yeah, but it doesn't have anything to do with being Jewish.

Speaker 32 It's just a belief system, not a belief system, like a philosophy about life that, you know, you could learn a lot from. And I said, okay, I'll go.
So I did. And that's how I met my teacher.

Speaker 32 And I literally would sit in the back of class for years.

Speaker 32 Mostly men were in the class at the time.

Speaker 32 But everything that he said seemed to make so much sense to me and gave me courage to be who I am and who I meant to be and made me actually think

Speaker 32 about intention and a real sense of purpose.

Speaker 32 Because my sense of purpose can't just be, I want to be rich and famous or I want to be popular or I want to sell a lot of records. because none of that lasts.

Speaker 32 But it wasn't until I went to class that I actually started thinking about those things. So I just kept going.
And

Speaker 32 here I am today. But, you know, motherhood or being a parent is really what

Speaker 32 made me start asking questions that I most likely, I should have asked them sooner, but I didn't because I was just caught up in my

Speaker 28 self.

Speaker 25 I love that story for so many reasons. One of them being that my journey to my spirituality had certain similarities in that, not that I was pregnant, so definitely not that one, but

Speaker 25 I had a friend and and friends who were starting to get interested in spirituality.

Speaker 25 And they invited me to hear a monk speak. And I'd seen monks while I was growing up, but I'd never really engaged with one or really understood what they did or meant.

Speaker 25 And I'm so glad I said yes to going along. And I was very young.
I was 18, 19 years old. I wasn't even seeking.
I was open and I was curious.

Speaker 25 And to be honest, I was doing what everyone else was doing at that time when you were an 18, 19-year-old 19-year-old kid, like, you know,

Speaker 25 experimenting and doing everything else under the sun. But I'm so glad I went because now looking back,

Speaker 25 I find that after meeting the monks that I met, it gave my life a compass at a very early age that I'm so grateful for because it changed the entire trajectory of my life.

Speaker 25 I can't imagine what I would have ended up doing in the same way as you did.

Speaker 25 And it sounds dramatic, but it's true that without the group of friends that invited me to go along and meet my teachers who would become my future teachers,

Speaker 25 I can't imagine what life could be like.

Speaker 32 And are those teachers still your teachers? Yes, absolutely.

Speaker 25 Still since that time. So it's been nearly 20 years now.

Speaker 32 That's meaningful.

Speaker 25 Yeah, very meaningful.

Speaker 32 And are your friends that came with you still also studying?

Speaker 25 One of those, yes, absolutely. One of those friends was my best man at my wedding.

Speaker 25 And he studies under the same teachers to this day.

Speaker 23 That's cool.

Speaker 32 Yeah. What about the other? The woman who took me to class, no.

Speaker 28 No.

Speaker 29 She doesn't stick with it.

Speaker 25 Are you still in touch with her at all or not?

Speaker 32 Yes, I am sometimes.

Speaker 25 It's amazing to hear that you had this ambition and this drive to become successful. And at the same time, there was this spiritual calling

Speaker 25 that was almost happening simultaneously. How did you reconcile the two when

Speaker 25 to the external eye, they could look very opposite? How did you actually see that?

Speaker 32 Look weird, you mean?

Speaker 25 Not weird in the sense of I think a lot of people assume that spirituality and success don't go together. A lot of people would think.

Speaker 23 Well, that's absurd.

Speaker 32 Those are narrow-minded people. I mean,

Speaker 32 you need to be spiritual to be successful. Success is having a spiritual life, period.
It's interesting because I had this boyfriend some time ago. And

Speaker 32 after we broke up, we saw each other years later. And I was telling him about Cabal.
He's like, oh, yeah, that makes a lot of sense because you grew up as a Catholic.

Speaker 32 I know how religious your mother was.

Speaker 36 And I was like, no,

Speaker 32 no, it's not what it is at all. It's got nothing to do with religion.
Everybody has to find the path that speaks to them and resonates with them.

Speaker 32 But I do think it's important to have one. And I dare say if you didn't have a spiritual path, you wouldn't be as successful as you are today.

Speaker 32 I will make that assumption in your work, in your marriage, in your friendships, all your relationships. It honestly, it sounds like a really, like a cliche to your spiritual life, even.

Speaker 32 It's like the reason,

Speaker 32 but it's just got a bad rap.

Speaker 32 You know, you like 100% can have a spiritual life and be successful. I wouldn't be here if I didn't have one.

Speaker 25 Madonna's story is a reminder that success without inner grounding can feel empty. True resilience isn't fueled by ambition alone.

Speaker 25 It comes from a deeper sense of purpose and doing the internal work to find fulfillment. She demonstrates the takeaway that spirituality isn't separate from success.
It's the foundation.

Speaker 3 This is Sophie Cunningham from Show Me Something.

Speaker 7 Do you know the symptoms of moderate to severe obstructive sleep apnea or OSA in adults with obesity?

Speaker 8 They may be happening to you without you knowing.

Speaker 9 If anyone has ever said you snored loudly or if you spend your days fighting off excessive tiredness, irritability, and concentration issues, it may be due to OSA.

Speaker 12 OSA is a serious condition where your airway partially or completely collapses during sleep, which may cause breathing interruptions and oxygen deprivation.

Speaker 15 Learn more at don'tsleeponosa.com.

Speaker 17 This information is provided by Lilly, a medicine company.

Speaker 41 It was like somebody stabbed me in the side of the head with an ice pick, and everything sort of went blurry.

Speaker 42 The disease is like a crow flying through the dark night.

Speaker 42 Patients go months or years,

Speaker 42 incurring damage in all of these organs.

Speaker 41 How do you identify something you can't see? Going to the emergency room, they're not going to do anything for me. I've done that before.
I've gone to seek help, and I'm just pushed aside.

Speaker 41 Something you know is there, but can't trace.

Speaker 42 That's what I knew I couldn't control, and that's what I knew you have a disease of some sort. I couldn't explain it.

Speaker 41 A threat always lurking under the surface.

Speaker 41 I'm Lauren Bright-Pacheco, host of Symptomatic, a medical mystery podcast. Listen to all new episodes wherever you get the stories that matter to you.

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Speaker 25 When Benny Blanco and Selena Gomez sat down with me, it was evident that their love wasn't just playful, it was mature.

Speaker 25 They shared how they handle conflict, take space, and return to one another with honesty and respect.

Speaker 25 Research shows lasting couples aren't those who never argue, but those who keep respect and practice repair. Real love isn't perfection, it's creating a safe space through communication and trust.

Speaker 34 Sometimes she'll say, this is so funny.

Speaker 38 Oh boy.

Speaker 34 No, no, no. She'll do this and it's really cool.

Speaker 28 She'll go,

Speaker 34 I'm feeling a little irritated and I think I need like 25 minutes.

Speaker 36 And I'll say, okay.

Speaker 34 And then I give her her space. And then after like five minutes, she texts me.
She's like, hey, will you come back?

Speaker 34 But it's, but it's knowing that. And we have the proper boundaries set with each other.
Like, I don't have to be on top of her every second.

Speaker 34 She doesn't have to be on top of me every second we're together. I just want to know she's in the house.
So I can say like, hey, I love you. And then go back to what I'm doing.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 34 Cause look, we're both highly independent people.

Speaker 23 Okay.

Speaker 34 But we're both little mushes who just need to be attached.

Speaker 38 Yeah, we are so cheesy. It's so fun.

Speaker 27 Yeah.

Speaker 34 But it's like, but I feel like. I think it helps us too that we're both, you know, on my list, a thing was I wanted someone to be driven and inspired by something.

Speaker 34 I didn't care if they made any money or anything. I just wanted someone to be so into something that they did every day.

Speaker 34 And when she comes back from her day and she tells me what she did, I'm like, I'm not sitting there like, yeah, okay.

Speaker 34 Like when you're talking to your mom, you know, when you're talking to your mom and you just say, your mom just keeps talking. You go, yeah, uh-huh.
Yeah.

Speaker 34 Like she comes back and like my eyes light up because I see the enthusiasm. I see what she did.
And I'm like, and it inspires me. And I'm like, I got to do more in this thing.

Speaker 34 And it's like, we're in this place where

Speaker 34 we're inspiring each other. And we're so inspired by what the other person's doing.
And, and she'll help me out. She'll be like, well, what if you did it like this, this, and this?

Speaker 34 And I'm like, and then she'll say something. And I'll be like, well, why don't you handle the situation? Because we have such.

Speaker 34 different personalities that are also the same, but we're the thing that one of us is really good at, the other one maybe lacks a little bit and vice versa.

Speaker 34 And it's so cool to be able to like workshop like little conversations or how to handle a situation.

Speaker 34 And it, and I just feel so comfortable with her, like that I can say anything and she won't ever say,

Speaker 23 I don't know.

Speaker 25 I love the maturity. I mean, hearing you both talk about it.

Speaker 38 Yes, but let's be clear. We are not the perfect.

Speaker 27 No, no, no. It's not perfect.
No, but you're disagreeing.

Speaker 25 No, no, no. But I think the maturity of, and I agree with you.
I think, I think that's actually the difference. And I'm glad you brought that up.

Speaker 25 I think there's a big difference between maturity and perfection.

Speaker 25 Perfection is saying we never have a disagreement. We never have to take space from each other.
We never, you know, which you're not saying. You're saying, hey, I just asked for 25 minutes space.

Speaker 25 And then I was like, wait a minute, I need to.

Speaker 25 And I think there's a maturity in that because it requires maturity from both parts. For you to first say, hey, I need space.
For you to say, I get it. I respect you.

Speaker 25 And then for you to have the maturity to say, actually, I want you back. And for you to be like, not like, oh, I told you so.
For you to be like, I'm here for you. Like that, that's not perfection.

Speaker 25 To me, that's maturity. And I think that's, I really want people to get that from it, that you are going to have disagreements.
You are going to want space. Like me and Riley went through that.

Speaker 25 She, at the beginning of our relationship, if we had a disagreement and we were the same, we never, we made a rule that we would never raise our voices at each other because I came from a home where it was not great.

Speaker 25 She comes from a home where her parents don't raise their voices. But I was just like, I never wanted them, my home.
I wanted the energy of my home to be so sacred.

Speaker 25 And I wanted the energy of the home to always have a space where everyone just walked in and felt like a warm hug. And I was like, we can't argue and then expect that to happen.

Speaker 25 But it took a long time for us to realize that when she, at the start of our disagreements, she wanted space.

Speaker 25 And I used to say to her, well, if you don't want to talk about it right now, that means you don't care about me. And that wasn't true.
She just needed space to process.

Speaker 34 So it took time for us to mature for me to realize, wait a minute, you wanting space is you caring for the relationship some people i get it they want to talk about it right then they want to the one thing that also works for us so much is like we're not chill people but we're like we're not we're never gonna get i like i'm not gonna yell at anyone in my life like yeah same yeah and you know i i came from a home where a lot of that was happening and i saw like at a young age and i was just like well like my parents weren't speaking the same language obviously they were speaking the actual same language they weren't speaking speaking the same language to each other to communicate.

Speaker 34 And if someone comes at you like hostile right away, the first thing I'm going to do and I know she's going to do is shut down. So you're not getting anything.

Speaker 34 You know, and I always say this, guys are so quick to like, they got to win. They got to win the argument.
And it's like, what are you doing? What are you winning?

Speaker 34 Like, you're going to argue with your wife and like make her cry. And then you're like, I won that argument.
And then she hates you and resents you. Like, wait, like, don't be an idiot.

Speaker 34 And, and it's like, I only

Speaker 38 been guilty, though, to start.

Speaker 34 Yeah. I don't know.

Speaker 38 I just not of you. Sorry.

Speaker 38 I think for me, I necessarily

Speaker 38 felt like in other situations of mine, it was,

Speaker 38 I was very reactive. I think that's why I was alone for five years because I really needed to collect myself.

Speaker 38 I think in the past, that's why I say to him all the time, 10 years ago, it's not that i wouldn't have wanted to be with you i just wouldn't have been in the right headspace and i don't think that you deserve what i had gone through before so i've learned a lot of lessons and i've made mistakes and and i just want this to be

Speaker 38 right so for me that was a lesson that i had to learn because i think girls can equally want to be right That for me, it was really difficult in the past.

Speaker 38 And he's made it unbelievably easy to the point where if i even get to the point where i'm so uh frustrated he's like very quick to understand i'm i hear you like you're allowed to feel that and that helped me shift where my mind used to go which was a little bit of anger so it was the validation of how you felt in those reactive moments yes that allowed you to not be reactive what was it that allowed you because i feel like as benny was saying earlier you carry this baggage from all of our relationships into this one.

Speaker 38 I respect Benny. I, because he's done nothing but respect me, I, again, trust him.

Speaker 38 I can tell him anything, even if it's about something that's uncomfortable. And maybe you should just talk to your girlfriends.
Like, he is that. And

Speaker 38 that helps calm me down to say, okay, so I'm going through these things because of maybe what I had before, whatever it is. It's not, nothing is ever bad.
Like nothing in my life I regret.

Speaker 38 And I'm so, so happy for my journey and I'll continue to be. It is a lesson that you have to be patient and learn.
And I just, I can never picture myself disrespecting him. I think.

Speaker 34 Well, it's also just a different thing because it's like, look.

Speaker 34 None of us are perfect. Like she gets spicy sometimes.

Speaker 34 And when I see something happening, it's about guiding the missile, not adding a jet pack on top of it with a, with like machine gun artillery.

Speaker 34 Like I want to make, if I see her getting to a place where I'm like, man,

Speaker 34 in five minutes from now, this room could explode. I'm never going to let it get to that five minutes from now.

Speaker 34 I'm going to say, what are all the tools that I know that work for her that I've learned over? Like, I'm not going to. exacerbate a situation.
I'm going to try to calm it down.

Speaker 34 Cause why do I want to be in that position where we're both just like upset about something? I don't want to just calm it down and tell her what she wants to hear. I'm not saying that.

Speaker 34 I'm not saying like to your partner be like, yes, you're right.

Speaker 25 You're totally right.

Speaker 34 Like everything you, no, I think you listen and you say like, okay, we're like sometimes I even, I'll say like, let's not let it get there. Let's like just talk about this.
And I do think.

Speaker 34 physical touch is always like a very big way.

Speaker 34 Like if you're in a conversation with your partner, like it's like sometimes just like a hand helps or just holding their hand while you're telling them or giving them a hug while you're telling them.

Speaker 34 And if someone's upset, let them talk it out first. And then after they talk it out, be like, okay, well, here's what I think, you know, and you can work through these things together.

Speaker 34 It's such an easy way.

Speaker 38 Very constructive.

Speaker 34 It's not always easy. I can tell you that.
And sometimes we just, someone wants to be frustrated. And it's like, sometimes she'll tell me that.

Speaker 34 She'll just be like, I know it's going to be okay, but like, I just want to be frustrated in this moment. Yeah.
And, and I'll have to redirect because I'll be like, you know what?

Speaker 34 You have every right to be in this moment. And she'll say, this is why, she said, this is why I want to be frustrated in this moment.
She said it the other day about something. I can't even remember.

Speaker 34 And I was just like, oh my God. I was like, yeah.
I was like, that makes so much sense. I was like, I don't agree with the frustration.
We'll get there afterwards. And I was like, but I get it.

Speaker 34 I get it. And it's so cool.
And I've never quite had a relationship. like with her.
And we're the furthest thing from perfect in the world. We're perfect for each other.

Speaker 34 We're not perfect for everyone else. But I think the thing that's cool is that we've had all these experiences.
I've had all my experiences where it wasn't right.

Speaker 34 And I'm like, oh, okay, I'm going to change that the next time, you know, with this person or with that person.

Speaker 34 And I think that's when you really grow is when you take all your experiences, good or bad. Like I, I'm like her.
I take every experience in my life, my past partners, my family, my everything.

Speaker 34 It's like everything happened for a reason. And I'm not going to sit here and mope about about like things that could be better or different.

Speaker 34 What I'm going to do is I'm going to say, okay, I learned this and now I'm going to put it into practice. Yeah.

Speaker 25 Yeah. You know, for me, I always, I always say to Radi, I always say to my wife, do you want me to listen? Do you want me to fix this? Or do you just want me to go through it with you? Yeah.

Speaker 25 You can make it clear for me because they don't want you to fix it right away.

Speaker 23 And I'm not saying, I'm saying men or women.

Speaker 34 Sometimes it's not about fixing. You know, everyone is, you know, I'm such a problem solver and you are too.
So it's like your first thing.

Speaker 34 I know the first thing in your head is like, how can I fix this situation? But sometimes it's not about fixing it right there.

Speaker 34 Sometimes it's about just like, you know, especially for women who are like strong, like both our partners, they don't have a lot of time to be vulnerable. in all the areas of their life.

Speaker 34 They have the world on their backs. Your wife has, there's so many people that rely on her.
There's so many people that rely on her.

Speaker 34 So sometimes they just want to complain about something and that's okay.

Speaker 27 That's okay. Yeah, yeah, it's okay.
Who else are they going to do it to?

Speaker 25 They might as well do it and you and you just listen. What Benny and Selena show us is that love is less about avoiding conflict and more about how you navigate it.

Speaker 25 Taking space without abandoning each other, listening before fixing and validating feelings instead of winning the argument, that's what creates trust, respect and growth.

Speaker 25 Their stories proof that lasting love isn't built on perfection. It's built on continuing to choose each other.
And finally, President Biden.

Speaker 25 It was the honor honor of a lifetime to be invited to the White House to interview a sitting president.

Speaker 25 When I sat with President Biden, our conversation turned to loneliness, grief, and the role of family.

Speaker 25 He reflected on how small gestures of presence, a call, a visit, simply showing up can ease the anxiety many young people face today.

Speaker 37 Think of all the young people today.

Speaker 37 I think that there's more anxiety and loneliness today than there's been in a long, long time.

Speaker 37 You know my friend, I appointed him Admiral McMurthy. He was telling me about

Speaker 37 the percentage of young people today

Speaker 37 who are feeling lonely alone. And sometimes it's just touching, just showing up.

Speaker 37 I used to get my deceased son Bo,

Speaker 37 who should be sitting here instead of me, would always say, Dad, you don't have time to make that call.

Speaker 37 I'd get in a plane and go home and because someone had a serious problem, lost a wife, a daughter, and

Speaker 37 they say, dad, you don't have time. When he passed away, the hundreds of people told me how he called.
He showed up. He was there.

Speaker 37 And because there are people who showed up for me, too. It just really matters.

Speaker 25 Yeah, you've been through, you mentioned it there, you've been through.

Speaker 25 So much tragic loss in your life. As you just mentioned there, you

Speaker 25 didn't run for presidency in 2016 shortly after the loss of your son you've lost your first wife and daughter in a horrific accident I can't even begin to understand how someone has the courage to process that much loss and grief let alone move forward in the way you have it's truly admirable

Speaker 25 how did you begin

Speaker 37 I had an overwhelming advantage in the loss and that was I had a really close family that was there. For example,

Speaker 37 when my

Speaker 37 wife and daughter were killed, my first wife and my two boys were very badly injured, a tractor trailer broadside.

Speaker 37 I was not in the accident. When I got home from the hospital, my sister and husband already gave up their apartment and moved in, helped me raise my kid, my brother.
We lived in a suburban area.

Speaker 37 It was more country than suburban. And there was a little barn on a garage barn.

Speaker 37 My brother came and he turned the loft of the barn into an apartment for himself. They were there for me all the time.

Speaker 37 That was a gigantic difference. My best friend of my life and my sister and my brothers.

Speaker 37 And so I had an enormous advantage. And I think that

Speaker 37 when you see people who are going through something tough,

Speaker 37 it does matter if you reach out. I mean, it does matter.
Like, for example,

Speaker 37 you know, you have a, when you're a senator for all the years I was in a small state, you know, so many people, and

Speaker 37 people would pass away, you'd show up at the wake or the funeral. No matter what was happening, I learned it early on.
People would stop and just come and throw their arms around me.

Speaker 37 Because if they know you know the pain they feel, they get some solace in it. It's not always easy, but it's uh it just matters just to

Speaker 37 just to reach out. Let people know you see them.

Speaker 25 How did you allow yourself to receive that help too? I feel like, as you were mentioning earlier, with the loneliness and anxiety that exists, a lot of people either struggle to know what to say.

Speaker 25 I think we live in a society where people are like, well, what do I say if they've gone through that?

Speaker 25 And the opposite end, what you just said, being able to be open enough to actually receive help requires a certain amount of courage and strength as well.

Speaker 39 Well, I was...

Speaker 37 Raised in a family for real, an extended family, my grandparents as well,

Speaker 37 where my dad had an expression, family is the beginning, middle, and end.

Speaker 37 There was a rule in the family growing up, not a joke. We didn't know it at the time, but whenever you wanted to speak to your mother or father, I mean, they said, can we, you had a problem.

Speaker 37 No matter what they were doing, they stopped. No matter what they were doing, they stopped and heard you, listened to you.

Speaker 37 And I did the same with my children, and they do the same with theirs, because

Speaker 37 it's a matter of them knowing that

Speaker 37 they are the most important thing in your life. If they've got a problem, you're there to listen.
I have

Speaker 37 seven grandkids,

Speaker 37 four of them all, five of them old enough to talk on the phone.

Speaker 37 Every day, I either text them or call them. And as a matter of fact, during the campaign,

Speaker 37 they were having a, I didn't realize they were having an interview.

Speaker 37 the four oldest grandchildren. They said, and just at the time, when they said, they call me Pop.
Pop calls us every day or texts us every day.

Speaker 27 And I called them, the phone rang. While they're in the garden.

Speaker 37 Well, I give my word, I had no idea they were in there.

Speaker 37 But it's a, look, I just think being

Speaker 27 there

Speaker 37 is important. And it makes such a difference, I think,

Speaker 37 knowing that someone's going to be there for you, just to listen, just

Speaker 37 to hold you, just to hug you.

Speaker 27 Yeah.

Speaker 25 After his own losses, he shared how family and community carried him through. Research confirms it.
Social support is one of the strongest predictors of resilience in the face of trauma.

Speaker 25 What the president reminds us is that helping doesn't require perfect words or solutions. It can simply require presence.

Speaker 25 to reach out when someone is struggling, to show up when it would be easier to stay away, and to listen fully so the people we love know they matter.

Speaker 25 Because sometimes the greatest gift we can give is simply not letting someone go through it alone.

Speaker 25 These conversations are just a glimpse of what this community has built together over 5 million subscribers. On purpose has always been about learning and growing together.

Speaker 25 Thank you for being a part of this community, for listening, watching and carrying these lessons into your own lives. I'm so incredibly grateful and I can't wait for the next 5 million.
Thank you.

Speaker 25 If you enjoyed this podcast, you're going to love my conversation with Michelle Obama, where she opens up on how to stay with your partner when they're changing and the four check-ins you should be doing in your relationship.

Speaker 25 We also talk about how to deal with relationships when they're under stress. If you're going through something right now with your partner or someone you're seeing, this is the episode for you.

Speaker 44 No wonder our kids are struggling. We have a new technology and we've just taken it in hook line and sinker.
And we have to be mindful for our kids.

Speaker 44 They'll just be thumbing through this stuff, you know, their minds never sleeping.

Speaker 3 This is Sophie Cunningham from Show Me Something.

Speaker 7 Do you know the symptoms of moderate to severe obstructive sleep apnea or OSA in adults with obesity?

Speaker 8 They may be happening to you without you knowing.

Speaker 9 If anyone has ever said you snored loudly or if you spend your days fighting off excessive tiredness, irritability, and concentration issues, it may be due to OSA.

Speaker 12 OSA is a serious condition where your airway partially or completely collapses during sleep, which may cause breathing interruptions and oxygen deprivation.

Speaker 15 Learn more at don'tsleeponosa.com.

Speaker 17 This information is provided by Lilly, a medicine company.

Speaker 40 Hey, audiobook lovers.

Speaker 24 I'm Cal Penn.

Speaker 28 I'm Ed Helms.

Speaker 40 Ed and I are inviting you to join the best sounding book club you've ever heard with our new podcast, Hearsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club.

Speaker 31 Each week, we sit down with your favorite iHeart podcast hosts and some very special guests to discuss the latest and greatest audiobooks from Audible.

Speaker 40 Listen to Iarsay on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Follow Iarsay and start listening on the free iHeart radio app today.

Speaker 45 What a matchup we got, y'all. This is that classic HBCU vibe.
Non-stop action, the band is rocking and the crowd lit, chants echo, drum beat, everybody showing that school pride. Game like this?

Speaker 45 Yeah, it calls for an ice-cold Coca-Cola.

Speaker 45 Ah, crisp and refreshing. That's a game changer right there.

Speaker 2 Mmm, yeah.

Speaker 45 That taste always hits the right note, just like a band at halftime.

Speaker 45 And just like that, we're back at it. Passionate fans, school colors everywhere, and an ice-cold Coca-Cola? That's a winning combo.
No matter the sport, no matter the yard, everybody knows.

Speaker 2 Fan work is thirsty work.

Speaker 45 So grab grab a Coca-Cola and keep that HBCU pride going.

Speaker 1 This is an iHeart podcast.

Speaker 2 Guaranteed human.