2025 Takie Awards, Guest Presenters And Award Winners, 25 Awards Including Blake Of The Year, Podcast Listeners Of The Year, Bonk Of The Year + We Talk About The Fox/Barstool Deal

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On today's part in my take, the ninth annual Takey Awards.

We are all dressed up if you're watching us on YouTube.

We have 25 awards that we're giving away, including Blake of the Year, Podcast Listeners of the Year, Bonk of the Year, Ratio of the Year, Just Log Off, and many, many more with some guest presenters.

Some of our winners might be joining us to accept their awards.

It's going to be great.

We're also going to talk a little bit about the Fox deal because I'm sure people have questions.

And PFT has promised us a big surprise.

Major surprise.

No, I said special.

I said huge surprise.

I'm going to reveal the.

You told us we're going to want to sit down.

Yeah, I'm going to reveal the results of me and Hank's golf game for you.

Oh, live on the show.

Okay, okay.

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Okay, let's go.

Hey,

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Today is Friday, July 18th, and it is the ninth annual Takey Awards.

Woo!

All the boys are suited up.

We look great.

We look great.

We really do.

Got the ties on.

Hank's rocking the bow tie.

Hank looks like Peewee Herman.

Extra saucy.

Yeah.

Peewe Herman, all-time handsome guy.

Yeah.

Great, dude.

You look really good.

All the boys in the booth, too.

The big concerning thing was Memes has been wearing the suit all day, which kind of creeps me out a little bit.

He came to work in the suit.

He looked like he was going to court.

He looked for a custody battle.

He looks like a guy that your office brings in to fire people.

Yes.

Like an outside consultant to be like, you're fired.

A cold, heartless man.

Yeah.

Who just comes in, no emotions.

Puts you on a pip.

Just see you.

See you, buddy.

All right, so we have 25 awards we're giving out if this is your first takeies welcome uh it's we do this every single year this week every year when there's no sports going on we have uh you know a year that we look back at the past year so it's also kind of confusing because it always the takeies kind of go from july to july yeah so we're looking at that that

uh you know time one thing i always like about the takesies though is the time frame of it because this is what the calendar should be right like the calendar should start football season starts the year and then we have a sports calendar that ends at the end of the NBA playoffs, the Stanley Cup playoffs, and that's the year.

That's the year and review that we do.

Shit, you know what?

I just realized we didn't do something.

What?

We should have done in Memoriam.

Oh, well, we can do it at the end.

How about we just do it off the top of our heads?

Okay.

Bill Walton.

That's a great one.

Rob Ford.

Rob Ford.

That's a good one.

I watched that documentary last night.

Yeah, it's really good.

A few years ago, but

in Memoriam.

Bob Barker.

Was that this year?

No, I have no idea.

Okay.

Is he still...

He's dead?

Dead.

He's dead.

He's for sure dead.

Right?

Yeah.

Bob Barker?

Bob Barker.

All right.

Probably still alive.

Hmm.

O.J.

O.J.

was this year?

That was in Adam Schefters from this year, right?

That's right.

Yeah.

Okay.

Anyone in the booth have a death that they...

The years kind of blend together, boys.

David Bowie.

Oh, for sure.

Yeah, yeah.

David Bowie.

Yeah, R.I.P.

Yep.

R.I.P.

David Bowie.

The Queen?

That was a couple years ago because remember they made us close enough.

That's close enough.

They made us do like a minute of silence before opening kickoff for the Queen.

Yeah, that's close enough, though.

Yeah, I think that's about it.

Yeah, I think it's everybody that died.

Yeah.

All right.

So before we get to the takies, obviously some big news announced on Thursday.

Fox Sports Barstool Collab.

Pretty exciting stuff.

I'm sure there are some people who are like, hey, how's this going to change this show or any shows?

I'll say right now it's not going to change this show at all.

We made sure of that.

It's going to be a great, like, this is very different than the ESPN partnership back in 2017, the faithful Barstool Van Talk.

Fox is a very willing partner.

They're very excited.

We're very excited.

They believe in us.

We believe in them.

A lot different than what we went through with the ESPN.

So

what is it going to look like, though?

So we have the college football show that we've been doing for a very long time.

That's actually not going to change.

We are going to, the only change on that is we used to go on the road six to seven times a year.

Now we're going to go still on the road six times a year, but we are going to do it in conjunction with big noon kickoff.

So we're going to have the Barstool College Football Show take place right next to big noon kickoff, right before big noon kickoff, but it's still going to be the same show.

So it's going to be the same show.

There'll be seven or so shows from studio, six or so shows from location.

Dave's going to go on big noon kickoff.

So that's very exciting.

I think there's a couple dates that he can't make that I might have to go on big noon kickoff.

So that will be that.

That's the college football portion.

And then also there will be a TV show that will run out of this office, the Chicago office, from 7 to 9 Central every morning, Monday through Friday, on FS1, which is going to be Barstool.

It's going to be an ensemble.

So it's PFT will be on it from time to time.

I'll be on it from time to time.

But it's not going to take away from what we do here.

It's going to be, yeah, it's going to be a mix of everybody in this office and people that might not be in this office right now that might stop in.

It's just going to be a big melange of people that work here at Barstall.

And yeah,

I don't expect to be spending a full-time job's worth of time going on the show, but I'll try to make it on like once a week is what we've discussed.

Yeah.

In that neighborhood.

And that way it's not going to cannibalize Pardon My Take.

Yeah, and I think the tonight probably won't go on at the same time just because we don't want to be like, oh, they're just doing Pardon My Take on TV, but we will both appear on the show weekly.

We keep that for you guys.

Yeah, we keep that for you.

That's just for you.

The only show I think it could cannibalize is Wake Up Mincy.

I'm concerned about that.

Let's move to the afternoons.

Okay, well, that's good.

So we're good.

Well, it's going to preempt Wake Up Mincy.

Yeah, that's true.

Okay.

But I'm excited.

It's actually

very odd feeling because we've been through this and we've been through the congratulations.

And I'm always, that maybe jaded me a little of like, hey, there's no congratulations until it starts happening.

Kind of like when people congratulate us on the book.

Oh, remember, we got to write a book?

We haven't started, though.

I did have someone congratulate me when we were doing the baseball stream the other night on the restaurant, and I appreciated that guy.

That's good.

He's like, congrats on the book and the restaurant.

Yes.

I actually think, think about it this way.

Every single day that goes by, it's going to be harder to quit the book.

Like, there's never going to be an easier time to quit the book than right now.

Right now?

Right this very second.

It's only going to get harder.

Do you?

I mean, listen, AWL has better promise to buy this book.

They better promise.

Because I'm promising to write this book right now.

Yeah.

We need a promise off.

Yeah.

You promise to buy it.

We'll promise to write it.

But I'm pumped about the TV show.

It's going to be cool to get back on the air a little bit.

And you're right.

Fox Sports, they want to work with us.

We want to work with them.

They're going to let us do us, which is a very cool thing.

They trust us.

Balls in our court.

Go fuck around.

Do whatever you want.

I'm excited to share the airwaves with Colin Coward.

Yes.

I really am.

Yes.

Who might be up for a takey.

He might be up for a takeie.

He might be up for a takey.

But yeah, it's exciting.

It's big for Barstool.

And my excitement is is like, it's just different than it was 2017, but I think it's better because, like I said, this is a partnership that feels like it can work because they wanted us.

And we're like, hey, let's do this instead of trying to beg to get a timeline at 1 a.m.

Yeah, and if you are an AWL that owns a gym, if you own a gym, we're going to need every television on FS World Morning.

That's on you.

First of all, congratulations on owning a gym.

That's fucking sick.

You're probably in really good shape and hot.

So that's cool.

But we need you to have our TV show on Monday through Friday, 7 to 9 century.

After you watch all part of my take on YouTube and listen to it on all your podcasts.

Correct.

Correct.

But we're counting on you guys.

Yeah.

So, yeah, we're not, it's not like, hey,

boomers in the fall are now going to be on FS1.

No, no, this show is not changing at all.

I made sure that was a very big sticking point.

We love this show.

We've learned through the years that this is our audience.

We love you guys.

We'll see if you win a podcast listener of the year, but we love you guys so much and we don't want to change any of that.

This is in addition.

So we're excited for it.

Hank, are you excited?

Very excited.

Hank, does this make Tom Brady your coworker?

Yeah, I think it does.

Yeah.

Your peer?

He might be involved in this show later, too.

In this show?

Yeah.

In today's show.

Takeies.

Oh.

No way.

Okay.

You say he might be and he's not?

He might be.

He might be.

Okay.

That would be very funny.

We need to start doing that.

Like, hey, listen.

This is the ninth annual takeies.

You want to do something special?

Dr.

James Andrews.

LeBron James might be involved in this.

Actually, can I tell tell you a funny story?

So we have guest presenters.

I tried to reach out to Dr.

James Andrews for Injury of the Year.

Did not get you.

Which one?

The one that we had on nine years ago who correctly diagnosed Kyle Schwerber's injury.

I emailed him.

Yeah.

Professor, have not heard back.

We should revisit that, though.

I did make the effort.

We should have him on again.

Yeah, we should absolutely have him on again.

That will be in the book.

Yeah.

Did we do that with Aaron Rodgers or we almost did it with Aaron Rodgers?

A different guy named Aaron Rodgers.

I think think we talked about it.

Yeah.

I think we almost did it.

I think we did it the exact right amount of times.

Once.

Yeah.

Because if we had just done an entire podcast where every single day we had a guest name that was similar to a famous person, people would get mad.

I think so.

Yeah.

Okay.

PFT.

You're surprised?

Yeah.

So last night, if you watched the Takey Awards, Shane, or excuse me, the Espy Awards, Shane Gillis hosted, and he did the monologue at the start of it.

I thought it was pretty funny.

I thought he told some pretty funny jokes.

Shane Gashes.

Incredible.

Shane's a funny guy.

Shout out, Lil Sass.

Our dear friend Lil Sass wrote some of the jokes for him, which I thought was very cool.

So I know how these award shows go.

I know that he probably wrote a lot of jokes that didn't get included.

So I reached out to Lil Sass this morning and I asked him if he had any leftover jokes.

Oh, nice.

And I got some leftover jokes from Lil Sass that were meant to be on the SBs, didn't make the cut, maybe too spicy for TV.

And I want our good friend Zach to do the opening monologue.

Oh!

For the takies.

I love this.

With Lil Sass's jokes.

So we have an opening monologue this year.

And Zach has not read these.

I just now, as I'm talking, sent him the jokes.

So this is going to be Zach reading Lil Sass's jokes for the first time.

And that's so perfect because Zach actually

did a Daniel Day-Lewis method act this morning where he, much like Lil Sass, woke up at 11.30 in the morning.

He did, yeah.

He was a little bit late this morning.

Yeah.

This is my first time reading through these jokes, and I am happy to present them to you guys.

Okay.

Okay.

Great.

What about the part about the

Deplorable move on my end.

I can't apologize enough to

everyone who is here at the scheduled time.

I want to apologize for

not respecting your time to the best of my ability.

And it's not a good move.

And I couldn't be more.

Anything you guys need to do to make up for it, I'm willing to do.

And I'm sorry for being late today.

What did I say to you, though?

Don't do it again.

No, that's not what I said.

Well, I did say that, but I also said

if we fired people for sleeping in, Hank would have been fired a thousand times.

Fact.

And he did walk in the room and give the best apology of all time.

Yeah.

And instantly, always.

For people who don't know, so we had a commercial day today.

We had to take a bunch of commercials.

We're here at 8 a.m.

was the call time.

Zach, what happened?

Did your alarm not go off?

I didn't plug it back in.

So you have your phone?

He's got a plug-in alarm clock next to his bed.

So it's Alexa, but I use the top volume on it.

So usually I can't tell her in the morning, Alexa, cut off the alarm because she can't hear me because she's going so loud.

So I pull the plug out the back every morning.

Yes.

So you yell at Alexa every morning and she doesn't listen and then you have to pull out the plug.

So I just go to plug usually and I pulled the plug.

I didn't re-plug.

Why does she use your phone?

Not loud enough.

You gotta go too alarming.

I liked it.

But I was like, I will say, yeah, I came in and Hank goes, as a sleep-in guy, Zach is a quintessential sleeping guy.

He like, no, he, it was a Spider-Man meme.

He's like, I know Zach.

He's also a sleep guy.

People were like freaking out being like, Zach, I was like, I, you know, I think he's going to be all right.

I can tell, like, that's a guy that just slept in.

Police was on the way to Zach's apartment.

Did someone go and wake you up?

Well, no, we brought someone there.

His building wouldn't let them up.

And then they were like, basically, only if police comes and says we, you know, have to go check, will they let someone in?

Our security guard is a cop and has a friend that's a police officer.

So we were sending someone there.

to find out.

Got it.

So we were very relieved when you came in this morning.

I'm so sorry you guys went through that this morning.

I was unaware of that aspect.

I agree.

Like the alarm clocks that you, we talked about this a couple of weeks.

The alarm clocks aren't annoying enough anymore.

They're too relaxing.

What would have gone through your face?

What would have gone through your head if you saw a police officer at the door to wake you up?

You would have been.

I would assume they

first first thought I would have known.

Do I know what time it is when I meet the cop at the door?

It's time to go.

Yeah, there's a correct

out.

Yeah.

Is there just a police officer or is there someone else accompanying the cop that I would recognize to meet?

We had said someone else because I was worried for that reason.

I didn't want you to be too concerned.

What was the worst text message you had in your phone?

The worst text message I had in my phone, there was some, are you okay?

Are you alive?

And I was like, oh, my goodness gracious.

Yeah.

This is not good.

It's a bad feeling.

Terrible feeling.

Max got mad at like 9.20.

I just fired off a text.

You said, are you coming in?

question mark and max was like that's gonna going to kill him.

That one, I was in the Uber and I was like, okay, well,

my time here was very short.

I appreciated all the opportunity.

And

I knew I'd fuck it up, but I didn't know it would be this soon.

I tried to get him not to send it because I knew that

that one was going to set you off.

It's all right.

We love you, Zach.

It's all right.

It's just don't do it again.

All right.

Yes, sir.

So, Zach,

maybe start the show with a monologue.

Welcome, everybody, to the 2025 Takeies.

I'm your host and presenter, Zach.

And then just rip into the jokes.

I would like to welcome everybody to the 2026 Takeys Awards.

Okay.

I'm Zach here, and I'd like to.

Warm welcome.

Let's get things started here, gentlemen.

Happy Takeies.

Happy Takeys.

Happy Takeies.

Shohei Otani became the first player ever with 50 homers and 50 steals in a season.

51.

If you count the 17 million in his transfer portal,

okay.

Okay.

Wait, in his transfer portal?

Okay,

let's run that one again.

Let's read this one slow.

Shohei Otani became the first player ever with 50 homers and 50 steals in a season.

51 if you count the 17 million in his transfer portal.

51 if you count the 17 million his

his

Shohei Otani became the first player ever with 50 homers and 50 steals in a season.

51 if you count the 17 million his translator stole.

Okay, that's good.

Transfer.

Transfer.

Tough read.

It's all me.

Shador Sanders slowed to the fifth round in the draft because teams were worried he would be a distraction in the locker room.

But luckily, the Browns needed a distraction from their distraction.

Anything to pull focus from the ankle monitors.

Nice.

Love that.

Yep.

Love that.

How's everybody doing tonight?

Everyone feeling good?

Feeling loose?

Right for the taking?

Hell yeah.

It's awesome.

I love that for you guys.

Let's take it up here.

Angel Reese spoke out.

Angel Reese spoke out online against the WNBA after a bad call from the officials.

Bold move considering she could face up to 25 push and fines.

Okay.

Yeah, I think that was supposed to be bucks, but it auto-corrected push.

Okay, if I'm guessing.

Yeah.

Kylie Jenner and Timothy Chalamay went to the NBA finals together.

Kylie said it was rude how players were coming up to the couple being flirtatious all all night.

But in Kat's defense, he didn't realize Timothy had a girlfriend.

That's good.

All right.

I like that one.

It's a good one.

Mike Tomlin looks like he washes his eyeballs with soap every morning.

That's right to the point.

That's the closer right there.

Yeah, that's great.

All right.

Good job, Zach.

Good job, Zach.

Good job, Zach.

Good job, Jack.

Great monologue.

Great monologue.

It was cool seeing Sash his name in the credits.

Yeah.

That was funny last night.

Might have been misspelled.

That's okay.

Yeah, that's fine.

That's fine.

They added an extra L to them.

I think, actually, they probably did that on purpose to fuck with him.

Great Espes, though.

Shane is the man.

All right.

Should we do it, boys?

Do it.

Let's get to our takeies.

Quick ad before we get to take it.

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And let's get to the Takies.

Okay, boys, it's time.

Here we go.

25 awards we're giving out.

And I think we do this every year to start off with the take of the year.

This is not our preemptive take, which we will do later.

The take of the year, we had a lot, a lot of

nominees here.

Thank you to

Freezing Cold Takes.

He always helps us out.

He's the best.

Go follow him.

Buy his book.

He helps us out with compiling a bunch of these.

He's a great litmus test for people that if you repost one of your bad takes, if you get mad at him, you're probably a dickhead.

Correct.

And if you're able to laugh at yourself, you're probably a good hang.

Correct.

Because we have some bad takes all the time.

But these are the

nominees for Take of the Year.

So I actually separated this year because he did such a good job of sending me them.

I have a

rent came due category that I just want to briefly touch on because there's some takes that happened a couple years ago, but they finally came due this year.

Robert Salah in 2022, Robert Salah and the Jets are keeping receipts on those that mock the team.

He said, I'm going to be more than happy to share them when it's all said and done.

Robert Salah finished with a 20 and 36 record and was fired after five games this year.

Unceremoniously.

Rent came due.

Zach Rosenblatt said in 2021, Daniel Jones still has a lot to prove, but I think it's safe to say he's a lot better than Jalen Hurts.

That one came due this year in a big, big way.

Adam Koffler two years ago said Jameer Gibbs is the stone-cold worst pick the Lions could have made at 12, but whatever.

Dan Campbell.

In two seasons, Jameer Gibbs has 3,190 yards from scrimmage and 31 touchdowns

in two years.

Pretty good.

Pretty good start.

We also had this famous one.

Maybe you guys can tell me who wrote this.

Man.

Bronny, definitely better than some of these cats I've been watching on league pass today.

Shit, lightweight, hilarious, four crying face emojis.

Just my thought as a sports junkie, regardless, my own sport I play.

That was LeBron James in 2023.

Bronnie averaged 2.3 points per game and 0.7 rebounds.

And then finally, for the rent came due section of this, which none of these are eligible to win, but I thought we'd have to say them.

Deion Sanders.

A year and a half ago said in a response to a tweet that said, tell your son, stop acting like he the coldest one out there when he put up a four and eight season.

Deion Sanders said he will be a top five pick.

Where your son going?

L-O-L-O-L-O-L-O.

I got time today.

L-O-L-O-L-O-L-O.

L.

It's a lot of out louds.

Yeah.

It got community noted.

He wasn't a top five pick.

Top five for five rounds.

He was, yeah, top five rounds.

Top five rounds.

All right, so this year's takes, and then we will get to the winner.

We have our good friend Peter Schrager, who before the season last year said, Aaron Rodgers is my pick for the 2024 NFL MVP.

What he's about to do for the Jets fans this season is something even he couldn't grasp or foresee.

Memes,

did he do that for you?

That first drive against the 49ers.

Thought we were in the Super Bowl.

That was it.

That was great.

We also had

new Bears punter Tori Taylor said he got this text from Caleb Williams.

Hey, you're not going to punt too much here.

The Bears were the second

highest team in punts with 82 in the 2024 season.

I like the confidence.

I like the confidence from him.

Also, memes, let's not forget that Aaron Rodgers is top five in virtually every category.

Does that justify Peter Schreger?

He was.

Better stats than Josh Allen and Patrick Mahomes.

I think I had to throw a couple of these in here because I also had some really bad takes about the Bears.

Obviously, last season, you could just, I mean, you listen to the show.

I had some really, really bad takes.

But Nick Wright also said in August,

the Chicago Bears were his pick to go to the Super Bowl.

We had Albert Breer

last summer said, I think Gerard Mayo's a special coaching prospect.

I think he has special qualities.

He does.

He had

what type of special qualities?

That's true.

That's true.

Special is a wide spectrum.

Yeah.

And then Kurt Signetti on Indiana versus Notre Dame, we don't just beat top 25 teams.

We beat the shit out of them.

They lost and they were down 27 to 3 in the fourth quarter.

At the time, he was correct.

Yeah.

That they had done that.

Well, except for Ohio State.

Also, he, I mean, he

did have, he was the king of making scores look better at the end of these blowouts.

Yes.

Yeah.

Yes.

But take of the year is going to actually come from a one subsect of topics here, and it's Max.

You're going to be happy about this.

There were a lot of takes about the Philadelphia Eagles this year.

So here are the official nominees for take of the year.

We had Nick Wright during the Super Bowl.

He said Chiefs down 10, which means finally the game can start.

It's a weird part of the dynasty that they're totally unable to play well in Super Bowls until they're down exactly 10 points, but it's verifiably true.

The Chiefs lost the game game 40 to 22, and we're down 34-0 and 40-6 after being down 10.

Bobby Spence said, I honestly believe when all is said and done, Saquon's biggest regret of his career will be signing with Philadelphia.

That's a tough one.

Skip Bayless also said, Saquon Barkley to Philly does not scare me one bit.

And then we had finally the last two nominees.

The Eagles are going to miss out on hiring Bill Belichick because they're too big of cowards to fire Nick Siriani.

True.

That was from App Barstville Jordy.

And then finally, the winner of Take of the Year.

Drum roll.

It goes to our new colleague, Colin Coward, who said before the Super Bowl this year, the Eagles may not get into the red zone against Kansas City.

And then the Eagles scored 44 points and had 345 yards total offense.

That is our winner for Take of the Year.

not get,

listen, if Coward said may not get in the end zone, that's one, may not get into the red zone against the Kansas City Chiefs.

Now, to be fair, they did score a couple touchdowns where they didn't get into the red zone.

That's true.

They did have a long term from beyond the 20-yard.

They did have a long touchdown, but they also had a field goal where they got in the red zone.

That's true.

But yeah, that is our winner for take of the year.

That is so, so abysmally bad.

And I love Colin.

Yeah.

I do.

But this is an honor, Colin.

I hope you appreciate it.

Yeah.

Come collect your takeie in person.

He's got to be double digits.

Oh, yeah.

He's definitely won a lot of takeies.

Yeah, he's got a lot of hardware.

Yeah.

All right.

Next up, PFT.

Okay, so we have the Just Log Off of the Year Award.

I believe we started this a couple years ago.

A relatively new addition to the Takeys.

And the nominees for Just Log Off of the Year are

RG3 for his ongoing feud against Ryan Clark.

Ooh, that one's a spicy one.

RG3

for deep-throating the croissant at the Olympics.

Yep.

That was.

was.

We couldn't.

We were shocked when we were putting together takeies that happened this year.

Yeah, that felt like it was a while ago.

And the final nominee for Just Log Off of the Year Award, RG3,

for his post regarding Angel Reese, where he posted an image that nobody had seen for the world to see, and then said that Angel Reese's inner circle was contacting him to discuss how she's jealous about Caitlin Clark while he asked people not to bully Angel Reese.

Okay.

Three great nominees this year.

Who's going to win?

The The winner of the 2025 Takey for Just Log Off of the Year Award

is RG3.

And it was a tie for all three of them.

Oh, it was a tie.

So great all-around performance, historical year, big numbers.

We might not ever see him again.

Just put the phone down once in a while.

I actually think we will.

Yeah, we will.

Do you think that he, like, at any point was like, hey, maybe I should just chill out?

No.

Just log off?

No, Twitter.com.

I live for this.

Okay.

That's RG3.

He he likes interactions.

I think he sometimes he pokes the hornet's nest and he enjoys the swarm.

Okay.

RG3 with the second takeie given away today.

All right.

We have next up, bet of the year.

Very important category.

We actually should go through our history of the takesies and see how many different awards we've given.

Because we have some repeats, but we have a ton that are just

a list.

It's like 150.

Yes.

Anyone could be nominated for anything.

I woke up in the middle of the night last night in a cold sweat, panicking, because we are not doing Southern of the Year this year.

I was like, oh, shit, we forgot that one.

But that makes it more illustrious that you don't know

what year your award may come up.

Right.

Like, if you're doing the Oscars and there are no good movies,

you could just be like, we're just going to do

best cinematography.

We'll do best costume design.

We're not doing best picture.

You all suck.

Yeah.

You should be able to change it year to year and there should be an award like it was an okay movie of the year.

Yeah.

There were no good documentaries this year, so we will not be giving that award out.

Yeah, movie I'd like to most jerk off to.

That's now that's an award.

That should be an Oscar award.

Get fine.

Yeah, Swordfish.

That's a good one.

Good call.

All right, bet of the year.

We have some really good nominees.

We have,

first off, the K-State burrito guy who tweeted, if K-State loses to BYU, I'll shove a beefy five-layer burrito up my ass.

BYU won the game 38-9,

and then he went on to shove the burrito up his ass.

And BYU tweeted Liv Moss with their final score.

That's fourth meal.

Yeah, yeah.

We have next up the FSU poop guy who really set the tone for bets of the year this year when he said that if Florida State loses to Boston College this weekend, I will eat dog shit out of a red solo cup with a spoon and post a video of me doing it.

Book it.

Florida State lost 28 to 13 to Boston College.

He did not.

He actually deleted his account.

He's a coward.

He's a fraud.

We should never forget.

It was a disgrace.

He ruined Florida State's season.

Yep.

Next up, we have the Travis Hunter-Heisman bet by all of us.

Good job.

Good job.

Yep.

Good job, nominee.

Great bet.

We also have Hank saying he could dunk.

This was a good bet.

Well, defined good.

I got in good shape.

Okay.

Well, actually, that's funny because the next nominee is Hank saying he'd have a six-pack.

This was old.

You've been saying it a lot.

I almost had a six-pack at one point in the dunk bet.

Okay, and then finally, Hank saying he could out-drive PFT.

This was a bad bet.

This was a really bad bet.

Really dumb.

You kind of bullied me into it, and I regretted it every day ever since.

It was on the heels of losing the dunk bet, and you had to try to reclaim your masculinity at that point.

Yeah.

I understand.

You were under pressure.

Okay.

But hey, eight yards.

Yeah.

Not bad.

Could have been a lot worse.

Could have been a lot worse.

Good bet.

All right.

Bet of the year.

The winner is

K-State burrito guy.

He shoved a full five-layer burrito up his ass.

He wins the takeie for bed of the year.

Salute to that guy.

Great follow-through on his part.

I remember seeing it and I was like, wow, he did it.

Okay.

I don't know if we actually wanted this, but okay.

Yeah, when you crap out a seven-layer burrito, or was it five-layer?

Five-layer.

Five-layer that you shove up your ass.

Does it look different than if you had eaten it?

Oh, I don't know.

I feel like it's probably pretty similar.

This, though, this is the bet of the year because it was right right off the heels of the FSU poop guy, and he basically was like, this is how it's done.

At K-State, we shove food up our ass when we say we're going to win a game and then lose that game.

Emaw.

Yeah.

Every man a Wildcat.

All right.

Next up, PFT.

Our fourth award of the night is a very special one.

It is the 17th best quarterback of the year award.

17th best quarterback in the NFL.

And last year, who won?

Dak Prescott.

That was Dak Prescott.

Dak Prescott won the 17th best quarterback of the year award.

He is nominated again, and the nominees for the 17th best quarterback of the year of 2025 are Geno Smith, Dak Prescott,

Daniel Jones, Joe Flacco,

Kyler Murray, Bryce Young, Tua,

and Sam Darnold.

Great pack.

Great pack of nominees this year, and we have a special video for the 17th Best Quarterback of the Year Award.

Excited for this.

Excited for this.

I heard

PFT and Max talking about Takey's.

Yeah.

College football top personality.

What do you beat on Andy Staples?

Dave's not weighing it.

No Cornelli.

Big Cas really impressed.

This is a bit.

What are you doing?

One.

Have you been sent here?

I only sent myself.

I overheard Max and PFT talking 17 minutes ago.

Why do you know 17 minutes?

CJ, do you agree he's been weird?

I feel like Martin's always been kind of weird.

I guess speaking of 17,

Dak Prescott finished 8th in the 17th best quarterback award takeie.

So that's pretty cool.

What are you doing?

Why are you telling me the results of the takings?

Because I'm an informant.

And I support you.

I look out for you.

How How long have you been here?

Right here?

No, no, no.

How long have you been here?

November up at December 2023.

And you've been my greatest ally.

You've never informed me of anything before.

That's untrue.

Last week I gave you roughness info.

That's just because I was ignoring the group chat.

Yeah.

I tell you things here and there.

He didn't announce the winner.

He didn't announce the winner.

That was quite a conversation.

It was a nice peek behind this.

Peek into the air.

And for everybody that says Brandon Walker, he's different.

He plays a character when he's on the air.

I think that's a pretty good conclusion that he's not.

That was good.

But the winner of the 17th best quarterback of the year is Geno Smith.

Oh, Geno.

Geno did it.

Let's go.

Strats Dak did finish in eighth place.

Okay.

So something to show

for next year.

Very close.

Okay, next up.

Congratulations, Geno Smith.

Next up, we have the Can't Win the Big One

of the Year

Award.

I said that wrong.

Can't win the big one.

No, it's the Can't Win the Big One Award of the Year.

Award of the Year.

The nominees are

Caitlin Clark.

Can't win the big one.

Cannot win the big one.

Patrick Mahomes.

Didn't win the big one.

If we're doing this year, he can't win the big one.

What have you done for me lately?

Connor McDavid

has not been able to win the big one.

Sadly.

And Arch Manning, Texas quarterback.

Yeah.

Did you see that his grandfather signs signs all his texts to him?

Archie?

Oh.

After every text that he writes?

That's cute.

I thought that was nice.

That's very cute.

We have a guest presenter for the Can't Win the Big One of the Year award.

Max, can we bring in our guest presenter?

It's time for the takies.

And I'm here to announce a big award for Big Cat, you know?

And it's the award for

choking in a big game, choking on the spotlight.

Yes, that's right.

The guy who can't win the big one, and whoo!

Slam poetry, you know, you just can't win a big one.

Best player, but can't win the big one.

Great irregular season, but can't win the big one.

Booked him on camera.

And there's only one person that could be Connor McDavid.

Oh,

Connor, Connor.

Always the bridesmaid, but never the bride.

As he watched the

Panthers once again go for a victory ride as Lord Stanley continues to bask in the sun of Florida and the Oilers just wallow, wallow, wallow.

Ah, yes, Connor McDavid.

Once again,

he can't win the big one

And Wit,

oh well,

just think.

Wit wins no matter what.

One of his teams wins the Stanley Cup.

I know he liked being in Edmonton more than he liked being in Florida, but

Connor McDavid just can't win the big one.

And he gets the takey.

Well, that's something he got.

He won the takey.

Yeah.

But he can't big one.

Can't big one.

Way to go, Connor.

Way to go.

A couple things.

Thank you to Frank.

I booked that cameo.

You can go book Frank the Tank on cameo.

I was able to secure that.

I just thought of the idea we should, we should, this might be mean, but like, what if we did a hidden camera and we rewired Frank's house for the clap on, clap off lights?

That would be such a good prank.

Yeah.

Yeah, put it to his blender.

Also, for this award, it's Groundhog's Day because he did win this last year.

And it's also Groundhog's Day because for two years in a row, I asked our good friend Ryan Whitney to be the guest presenter and he declined to the point where I actually called him and I was like, hey, I have a favor to ask for you.

And I asked him and he was like, dude, you asked me this last year.

I said no.

I was like, oh, fuck.

Yeah.

I just forgot.

He just keeps not winning the big one.

Well, this is a big one, but it's not the big one.

Yeah.

Right?

So he can't win the big one.

Maybe until he gets traded.

Maybe until he's a free agent and he resigns with an American team.

Yeah.

Maybe then he'll be able to win the big one.

Yeah.

Whitney did say that if they don't get to the finals next year,

he will guest present for the Can't Win the Big One award.

If they don't even get to the finals.

If they don't get to the finals.

I mean, they're going to get to the finals again.

They might.

They might.

They might not.

Okay.

We ready for our next award?

Yes.

You might have someone on who can actually accept this award.

So this is a very special new award, never given out before in the history of Part of My Take.

It is the Part of My Take Citizen of the Year Award.

And this is maybe the biggest honor that we give out.

Yes.

Because it means that you've gone above and beyond as a citizen.

And we have some great nominees.

We have Paul Bissinette, our great friend, for taking the defense of all the staff at the restaurant, getting into a fight with the Irish travelers, and

kind of getting bootfucked in the face outside the CVS.

Yep.

We have Steph Curry nominated for Citizen of the Year for his performance in the Olympics, delivering the gold medal to the United States of America in the the gold medal game.

Yep.

Great game.

Good job, Steph.

We have Bonnie Blue nominated for a citizen of the year.

Why?

I'm not sure.

That was not my addition to the nominee list.

Okay.

But she's made a lot of people very happy.

Yep.

It's about community service.

Yeah, yeah.

She serves the community.

It's C-U-M-M-Idity service.

We have the Saints Defense has been nominated for Citizen of the Year for giving Mike Evans 10 more yards on the last catch of the season.

Oh, wow.

And letting him continue the streak of 1,000-yard seasons.

Okay.

Okay.

A lot of good nominees.

And this year, the Citizen of the Year Award goes to

our dear, dear friend, Paul Bissinet.

Yes.

Let's let him in.

We have Paul Bissinet here.

Thank you for your service, Paul.

Congratulations.

Guys, I didn't realize it was this intense.

We have Paul Bissinette here.

He has won Citizen of the Year.

Congratulations, Paul.

You are Citizen of the Year for the 2025 Takeies.

Well, you know, you mentioned yesterday via text that that was going to happen.

And you gave it to me originally.

I didn't realize you guys had an annual award show for it.

And I remember gambling it away.

Remember, I was trying to promote gambling, which I suck at.

And I put it on the, I believe, the Nordre Dame.

Fighting Irish QB to pass for a certain amount of touchdowns, a certain amount of yards.

I think it was a three-leg parlay, and I don't think one of them hit.

So I completely mushed the fighting Irish.

So I thought I actually lost Citizen of the Year out of my hand.

Gave it right back to you.

Yeah.

Okay.

Despite my horrible gambling efforts and trying to draw attention to DraftKings, I still get to retain the award.

So

if I have to, do I have to give an

speech, please, please, please?

I just thank the people at Barstool, man.

What a company to work for.

Just, yeah, I'm just grateful to be a part of this crazy pirate ship.

Obviously, you guys included.

And yeah, I'll dedicate it to back to Barstool.

Okay,

what about the people of Houston's?

Yeah, what about the people of Houston's the fine staff, fine family establishment?

Well, that's a given.

I thought I said that very clearly in my post-game comments when through the officer body cams where I fully tire pump the staff and saying it's one of the best restaurant establishments on the planet.

As far as like price point, consistency, the way they handle handled efforts people told me that i was wrong in saying it was like uh uh like military like yeah or did i say militaristic i think you said militaristic but i think you're referring to their discipline the discipline yeah and and i just marvel at it and it's why i frequent there and especially at the end of playoffs when i was like completely gassed like going 10 months to full season where the last thing i want to do is cook or do groceries like guys i was going there like nine times a week yeah

i think i have an i think i have a houston's addiction.

Well, yeah, you stopped going there, and then you got gout.

What does that teach you?

So, I would always get the steak there, the fillet.

I would do the traditional salad, and then follow it up with the filet with the potato calcone, or sometimes the baked potato.

Sometimes I'd go to the rice if it wasn't a certain time where they had made the calcone or baked potato available.

I think that's before five o'clock.

But yeah, what a speech.

But going back to it, I think there were other elements that were

hurting my gout.

I read something recently that like glucose intake has a lot to do with it, where I don't drink alcohol anymore, but like my treat is I drink pops.

Maybe a couple pops a day.

And I was shocked, though, that, you know, even at 40, I wouldn't be able to do at least a couple Coca-Colas.

People told me to go to Diet Coke.

I fucking hate Diet Coke.

So, but I've cut out pop.

I've cut out a lot of sodium intake.

And I think it just kind of brings it all back to Houston's.

They saved my life.

Yeah, I think you saved my life.

I admire how the links that you're willing to go to to say that it's not the two steaks a day that cause the gout.

It's got to be something else.

Yeah.

Well, I've been threatened by the carnivore society.

Yeah.

If I blame it on red meat.

That's a bad society to get threatened.

I'll have a fucking red dot on my forehead if I blame the red meat.

That way.

I'll get sniped.

I'm in Jackson, Wyoming right now.

The last thing I'm going to do is blame

steak or any type of red meat to blame for anything.

That's smart.

They're hardcore out here.

That's smart.

Well, Biz, citizen of the year, incredible title.

You mentioned at the beginning here, you've never seen a takeies.

You didn't know we were doing this every year.

This is our ninth annual takeies.

Did you want to stick around for just one more award just so you can see how it goes?

I would love to.

I was also going to ask you guys quickly, though, you got to go to that golf tournament in Tahoe.

Like, that must have been an unreal experience.

Shout out to Joe Pavelski.

Yes,

Badger.

He's a Wisconsin.

Badger.

One of the most well-liked guys to play the game.

And I would probably say top 10 who never won a Stanley Cup where people even from other teams who rooted for other teams would say, ah, I wish Pavelski would have got one.

I wish Joe Thornton would have got one.

Ovi would have been on that list if he wouldn't have won one, but he did.

Maybe next year we'll do a takeie for giving away a Stanley Cup.

That's very nice.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's great, Paul.

I also think it was a big win for the NHL over the NBA to have Pavelski beat Steph Curry.

Yes.

That's huge for the sport.

Big hockey's on the rise, man.

Hockey's on the rise.

It's on the rise.

Hockey's on a heater, as we always say on the podcast.

The last two years.

And on top of that, boys, we're heading into an Olympic year.

Yeah.

All these Four Nations nonsense whole money.

Yeah.

Stakes are going to be high.

Yeah, they are.

All right.

So, Biz, you're going to stick around for this next award.

Can you maybe do whatever the award ends up being?

Can you do an accepted speech for that?

Because that was such a great acceptance speech for Sins of the Year.

All right, great.

All right.

So the next award is exhibition win of the year.

So this is

who had the best win in an exhibition game that ultimately did not matter.

One that was just kind of for fun.

Yeah.

Laughs.

Yeah.

And nobody took too much.

Who the fuck cares?

Okay.

Right.

No one remembers.

Who doesn't even remember an exhibition game?

Right.

So like we want to we want to let everyone know like, hey, these wins, like hey this was the best exhibition win.

It doesn't really matter at all but we're giving a takeie.

All right so the nominees are Shaq OGs in the NBA All-Star game.

Huge win for Shaq OGs.

What an exciting game that was.

Who could forget?

I think there were four teams.

Yeah.

And they emerged the champion.

Yeah.

I mean, it's like March Madness, but for the NC, it's for the NBA, it was an incredible experience, and I think we all remember where we were when Shaq's OGs won.

Yep.

What was the final score?

No.

No, no.

Don't care.

Geez, isn't that an important detail about this award?

Well, this is the exhibition of the year.

It's the game that literally does not matter.

Okay.

Yeah.

You guys also said that about the Four Nations.

Okay, so here we go.

Next up, we have Team Manning in the Pro Bowl.

Team Manning won the Pro Bowl.

I don't know which Manning it was.

If it was Peyton or Eli.

Yeah, I see.

I think it was Cooper.

Next up, we have Mexico versus U.S.

Mexico won that game in the CONCACAF final exhibition of the year.

And then finally, the last nominee is Team Canada in the Four Nations.

And the winner is Team Canada in the Four Nations.

That was a great exhibition match.

And Bishop, you promised that you do an acceptance speech, so accept the award of Exhibition of the Year for Team Canada.

I actually was, I kind of was ahead of the answer.

Yeah, you did.

I saw it coming.

Caught on after Team Manning, you caught on.

That might have been the smartest thing that's ever happened.

Like,

holy fuck.

Will I get the biz idiot title removed?

No.

No, because you accepted this.

No, no, no, no.

When you got Matthew and Brady Kachuck

and all the guys on that team starting fights in a round-robin game,

any exhibition.

That was a different game.

The fucking exhibition.

It's literally

my wife.

Exhibition win of the year.

Don't tell me how to fuck my wife.

I'll tell you whether it's exhibition or not.

Okay.

Well, business.

That was a win for Canada and a precursor to the Olympics coming up.

It ain't the Olympics.

We all know that.

But don't act like they weren't playing for something.

They were playing for pride.

They were playing for Exhibition Win of the Year, which they got.

So accept the award.

Do you accept?

I decline.

No!

I decline.

I decline.

Biz Idiot is gone.

Biz Idiot is gone.

So by declining that award, you're admitting that Conor McDavid can't win the big one.

Because you just said that's, I'm not accepting it.

exhibit, blah, blah, blah.

It's not a big one.

Oh, double jumping.

I have a phone of friend here.

No.

Which one do you want?

Could I get a phone of friend?

I'm trying to do a really nice thing by acknowledging the beautiful, beautiful state of Canada.

Phone of friend.

Should I call Connor McDavid, even though he would never?

You can try.

He's like, oh, I thought I had your number blocked.

His agent does it, though, Judd, so I'll have to go through him.

I do not accept

your

whatever you're

what do you say when you're spouting off?

Talking?

Anyway, everything you're saying.

You're saying you can't win the big one.

Screw you.

You guys jam me up, all right?

Jam me up.

And if I could have a phone of friend, it would actually be oldie.

Yeah.

He was kind of brought into the whole fold during all this.

And who supplied him?

Call him.

Go ahead.

I'll give him a call.

You can call him right now.

Call Oldie?

Yeah,

do you have your phone?

Yeah, let's see.

All right.

Wait, it was an exhibition match for his nuts.

All you have to say, though,

you have to say, Oldie,

should we accept the exhibition win of the year takey or not?

Okay.

That's all you got to say.

Biz is getting smart.

I don't have his number stored, which is shocking, so I have to go find it back in text.

Oh, here, I know how to find it.

I'll type in on my search bar.

Got it.

Busy, busy.

Busy, busy.

Do you have his number?

Yeah, I'll send it to you right now.

I bet if you search busy, I bet it comes up.

It's probably going to be the first result.

Okay.

Gotta go.

Oh, he supplied me with all my weed at the Writer Cup.

Oh, my God, dude.

I couldn't even fucking think straight there.

Okay, you're right.

It was busy, busy.

Oh, no.

Nope, that's not it.

I just said it to you.

Okay, thank you.

Thank you for your patience.

And what's the question?

Do you accept the exhibition

win of the year taking on behalf of Canada?

Aldi.

Aldi, it's Biz.

So I'm being presented an award right now

on behalf of Canada.

I have to accept on behalf of Canada.

Keep in mind, this may or may not be a trap.

Okay, just keep that in mind before I ask it.

Would you accept an exhibition win of the year on behalf of Canada in the Four Nations tournament?

An exhibition win?

Yes, exhibition win of the year.

If you were being offered that award, would you accept on behalf of Canada or would you decline?

I think you got to say yes on that.

Yep.

Pump the boys' wheels.

Got to go.

Busy, busy.

No, I don't know.

What do you say?

Do you say no?

I think you say yes, babe.

You gotta go.

You gotta say yes.

No, but you gotta go.

I don't even know what you

because I declined because I feel like they're trying to discredit the victory that Canada had by calling it exhibition.

It wasn't exhibition.

The boys were playing for keeps.

So fuck you.

We were playing for keeps.

This is not an exhibition.

I'm declining.

Oh, an exhibition game.

Oh, yeah, no.

We're in the off-star.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

It wasn't an all-star game.

It wasn't an all-star game.

It was a Four Nations Nations Cup that four competitive hockey teams played to their best ability.

That's right, Russia.

That team Canada won the Four Nations Cup.

That's what that was.

It was not an exhibition.

It was not an exhibition.

No, no, no, no.

I thought they were saying, like, give a little grief a little award for this.

No, no, no.

I don't think so at all.

I agree with you.

And thank you for being there.

That's off the rocker, Paul.

That's off their rocker, Paul.

So on behalf of all these...

I'm excited because I said an award.

I just heard award.

I never got an award.

I've seen everyone in my life get awards around me my entire life.

I'm not an award guy.

That's why I asked if I could phone a friend and you were the second person I thought of.

Who did I say originally?

Connor McDavid.

Oh, I said Conor McDavid, but I knew that he wouldn't answer.

Yeah,

you can't be doing that.

I was just literally cleaning the cabin air filter in my little whip here, Honda.

And all of a sudden, my daughter's youngest with me.

She's like, yeah, dad, your phone's ringing.

And I said, okay.

She's like, okay, I'll answer it.

I'm going to see who it is.

And I said, she grabs them.

I said, who is it anyway?

Who's cooking with us?

She goes, it's Biz.

And I said, gotta go.

Pass the phone.

You're not answering this when I go.

All right, well,

I love you too, buddy.

Great seeing you at the Writer Cup.

I couldn't fucking see straight for a few days.

I don't know what you brought over there.

We were hitting straight gas, but I appreciate you, brother.

Whenever the boys buzzed over there for the barn for us, going for the little mission for us.

So that was beauty.

But yeah, that was an absolute light show.

That was a good rip and a half.

It's always good.

It's always good during the day, but it's even better at night just hanging with the boys.

Real deal, Talking it out, having a class with the boys, bumping and grinding, right?

That's what it's about, bro.

Pumping and grinding, baby.

I love you.

Good to see you, Biz.

Good to see you, buddy.

Love you.

All right, so we declined.

We declined.

All right, so that was perfect because that was Canada's two greatest minds coming together, trying to work out a puzzle, trying to work out a two-piece puzzle to figure out if they should accept the exhibition of the year award or not.

Biz, what do you call it in the NHL when it's like halfway through the season season and you take a week off before you get back for the second half and the playoff push?

What's that called?

Oh, just, I mean, like all-star breaking.

Oh, so it was the all-star game.

Okay, so it was the all-star game.

Gotcha.

Okay.

No, they canceled that, and then now they replaced it.

And then now they actually canceled next year's in Long Island.

And then that's why people think that the Islanders got the first overall pick as like a sorry, because I think that was part of the agreement for them to take state-funded money to help build the arena.

So

I love a tinfoil hat conspiracy just as much as the next guy.

So shout out to Matthew Schaefer and the Islanders, man.

He was on our podcast.

The kid carved me for $45.

Yeah, he was great.

He was great.

So I don't think he was doing his job.

Frankie Borrelli and the Islanders.

I might hop on the wagon with the fisherman.

All right.

Biz, thank you.

Official scoring.

He has accepted Citizen of the Year.

He has declined exhibition win of the year.

Appreciate you.

We love you.

And congrats on Citizen of the Year.

Love you, boys.

That was awesome.

Okay,

what an award that was.

I mean,

very un-Canadian to decline an award.

So we have the official scoring.

Citizen of the Year award has been accepted and the Exhibition Win of the Year award has been declined, but we are giving it to Canada.

So

it will just stay out in the open.

I guess we'll keep it.

Yeah.

Hang on to it for them.

Oh, yeah.

So did we win Four Nations?

Yeah, congratulations to us.

Congratulations to us.

All right.

That was so funny, just Biz and Oldie.

Like, I could watch them.

We got to get them in an escape room.

A reality show together.

Holy shit.

Yeah, if they were on.

Talking it out.

If they were on an amazing race together, trying to navigate their way across Florida.

Oldie just saying, I heard the word award and I blacked out.

He's never been an award guy.

He's never been an award.

Everyone else is sweating him around him.

Yeah.

Not him.

Okay.

We got some more awards coming up.

Before we do that, the snack wrap in front of us.

McDonald's, this episode of Pardon My Take is brought to you by McDonald's.

Ever since the snack wrap was removed from the McDonald's menu, the fans have been relentless to get it back, traveling to different countries to get it on foreign menus, making petitions, posting every day until it came back, creating accounts around it, Facebook support groups, making memes about how life would be different if the snack wrap came back.

People have been obsessing over it for nine years.

Hank is eating one right now.

Memes has had one.

We love the snack wrap.

I like the spicy snack wrap.

That's my personal favorite, but it is the best.

It's the best menu item.

So thank you, McDonald's, for bringing it back.

Try the snack wrap that broke the internet at a McDonald's near you today.

So shout out McDonald's.

The snack wrap is back.

Go get it now, everyone.

The snack wrap is back.

We're snack wrapping this summer.

Okay, PFT, are you up?

I am, yes.

Another award.

We have the, I can't believe they put all that in their mouth of the year award.

Okay.

Big year for mouths.

That's huge.

First nominee is, again, Bonnie Blue.

Wow.

She's been nominated again.

Joining her is Lily Phillips,

Joey Chestnut, and RG3.

Wow.

For the croissant.

For the croissant.

RG3 are already bringing home some hardware tonight.

We'll see if he can make it two trophies in his case.

And the winner of the I Can't Believe They Put All That In Their Mouth of the Year Award is RG3.

Robert Griffin III.

Congratulations.

Just enjoying a nice croissant on the balcony with his lovely wife, Greta.

Still an outrageous.

I think if we look back at that picture,

it's the cupping of the croissant balls.

It's the cupping.

It's the passion in his eyes, too.

Yeah, the mouthful, the cupping.

It's everything.

He felt it.

He felt it.

So he is the winner for his second takeie today.

Second takey.

Big winner of the day so far.

Damn.

RG3.

Okay, next up, the ninth award.

Jordan of the year.

This is a.

Anyone's game?

Anyone's game.

Some very big names in this one.

First up, we have Jordan Speeth.

He's still out there playing golf.

He is.

He's swinging it.

Yeah.

Next up, we have Jordan.

Bill Belichick's Jordan.

Jordan Hudson.

Jordan Hudson.

Jordan Belichick.

Jordan Belichick.

Next up, nominee, Jordan Davis.

Won a Super Bowl.

He did.

Won a Super Bowl.

Big boy.

Good season.

Big boy.

And then finally, Jordan Schultz

for breaking news and also maybe fighting Ian Rapport.

That was such a funny interaction.

Outside the Starbucks, nonetheless.

Yes.

Okay.

The winner of Jordan of the Year goes to

Jordan Belichick.

Wow.

That's not her last name.

Arthur last night.

That is her last name.

I did see a picture of Bill's hands, and he's wearing a ring.

Got a ring on.

On his finger.

He's got a ring on there.

He does.

That's not her last name.

The Punch Buggy clip.

I saw that.

Yep.

Jordan Belichick.

Queen going to take UNC football to new heights.

I'm so excited for what happens this season.

Oh, my God.

She is

a shining star.

Do you think that before the end of Belichick's tenure at UNC, she will try to launch a shit coin for Bill Belichick?

No.

If she does, please make it Jordan of the Year.

Yes.

And I'll buy it.

Let me know before.

We'll rug pull the shit out of that.

Okay, PFT, you have an award up.

Yes, the next award is the Heisman of the Year Award.

Okay.

The Heisman of the Year Award, and we have a special guest presenter as well.

The nominees are Travis Hunter.

Ooh, he won a Heisman, did he?

He did win the Heisman Trophy.

Okay.

Ashton Genty.

Great season from the running back from Boise State.

Excited to see what he does in the NFL.

More than deserving of a Heisman.

More deserving.

More than deserving.

C.J.

Kirst from the Water Dogs.

Oh, yeah.

He won whatever the Heisman is for La Crosse.

La Crosse Heisman, yes.

The Rabel.

The Rabel.

The Paul Rabel.

Also nominated Dylan Gabriel.

Great season from Dylan.

Great season for the Ducks.

And also nominated for Heisman of the Year, O.J.

Simpson.

Ah, Heisman winner.

And Heisman loser.

And yes.

And then winner again.

And then winner back?

That was Reggie Bush.

Oh,

he tried to steal it.

I think he was Heisman winner.

Heisman loser, Heisman thiever.

Temporarily winner because he had it back probably for a minute before he got arrested.

He cared so much about the Heisman Troll.

He went to jail for the Heisman Troll.

For the Heisman.

Yeah.

Yeah.

For nothing else.

Nothing else.

That's it.

Yeah.

Hank.

Yes.

We have a guest presenter.

We do have a guest presented for this.

Okay.

Let's see who it is.

Oh, what's up?

Very excited to be announcing the Takey Award for Heisman of the Year.

A lot of great nominees this year, guys.

And look, I myself, not a Heisman winner, but I did play against a Heismanner.

That's right.

Cam Newton, the best football player I've ever seen live.

The Frieza of college football.

Stiff-arm Pat P on the way to the end zone and winning a Heisman.

But this year, it's about one man.

And I'm proud to announce that the takeie for Heisman of the Year is Aston Genty.

Wow.

Wow.

Ashton Genty.

I mean, the stuff that he did as a running back at a mid-major, it was incredible for a group of five guy to show that much flash, that much burst.

We've never seen a running back like him in the history of the sport of college football.

And I think that more than anything, I'm happy for Boise State fans.

They should be celebrating this in the streets of Boise because this is a huge, huge accomplishment for the program.

They now officially have a Heisman of the Year takey.

That's so cool.

So they got the Low Man of the Year award.

Yep.

And they also got the Heisman of the Year award.

They don't have much room left for all these trophies.

This is incredible.

Great season from Ashton.

Great season from Boise State.

The most deserving on this list of the Heisman of the Year Award.

Heisman of the Year.

Okay, next up, we have a new, this is a new takeie.

It is Innocent Person of the Year.

A lot of people on trial this year.

A lot of exonerations.

Exonerated.

First up, Karen Reed.

Yeah.

Innocent.

Yep.

Jeff Nadue, who was accused of being on a no-fly list.

He can fly.

Innocent.

Josh Bartlestein, the son's exec.

Innocent.

Maybe innocent.

Maybe innocent.

Diddy.

Possibly innocent.

Not guilty on three charges.

On three charges.

Yeah.

Jeffrey Epstein.

Completely innocent.

Can we stop talking about this guy?

Young thug.

Innocent-ish.

Innocent-ish.

Innocent.

Not allowed in Atlanta.

Go ahead, Zach.

Completely innocent.

Completely innocent.

Completely innocent.

Okay, the winner for innocent person of the year

goes to

Jeffrey Epstein.

Wow.

Everyone, please drop it.

Congrats.

Okay.

In Memoriam, but also everyone, just please drop it.

I don't know why we made a big deal of it.

Let's move on.

Hey, gals, boys, what's up?

In many cases, gals.

Yeah.

We're just, listen, we're moving on.

He's the man who won't die.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Did people obsess about it for a lot of years and then one day we just said we had to drop it?

Yeah, maybe.

And was the video that was uploaded and sent to the media, was that edited several times and then re-saved and put in Adobe Premiere and then re-saved and then sent out his raw footage?

Who's to say?

Who's to say?

That's actually the sign of an innocent man.

I'm not an expert.

Yeah.

So, Jeffrey Epstein, innocent man of the year,

or person of the year.

All right, next up, PFT.

This is a big award.

This is a really big award.

Every year, we do this award, and we take it very seriously in part of my take.

It is the Lib of the Year Award

for excellence in libbing.

We've got big nominees.

First nominee, Jack Mac.

Having a great sit-down with Harry Sisson, talking through some things, platforming him.

We should give him a lifetime achievement.

I do love Jack Mac.

Unpack with Jack Mac.

That's my number one news source.

Yep.

But he is a lib.

It was an excellent moment in libery.

Yep.

Kyle Long.

Yeah.

Nominated for Lib of the Year.

Many time winner.

Many time.

Chris Long nominated for Lib of Year.

Chris Long.

Lifetime.

Lifetime

Lifetime Achievement in Lib.

In Lib.

Kamala Harris nominated for Lib of the Year.

Kamala.

Kamala.

And Jersey Jerry nominated for Lib of the Year.

He met with a would-be Pfizer executive to do an ad

that would maybe, may or not have been set up by us as a fake Pfizer executive to see if he would do the ad, which he agreed to.

He has also been discussing immigration more.

Changed his stance on immigration.

Completely flipped on immigration.

Very welcoming to immigrants, law-abiding immigrants who have not been accused of violent crimes.

Thinks that they should stay in America.

Also, drives a minivan.

And when I say drives, his girlfriend drives him in the minivan.

He sits in the back seat.

How progressive.

How progressive.

So, oh, that's him in the minivan right now.

We got him in the minivan.

And it's a foreign minivan, too.

Yeah.

Sweet, who's the winner?

Well, we have a very, very, very special guest presenter for Lib of the Year Award.

Let's bring him on it.

Hey, Jersey Jerry, I have the honor of congratulating you on not just winning Lib of the Year, but defending your title as Lib of the Year, because this is the second year in a row.

And the takeies are right.

You have earned this from your evolving perspective on immigration to being open to the idea that vaccines actually work.

I want you to really relish this moment.

You know, your commitment, your passion to being a lib, right alongside your fidelity to Mitch Trubisky or your commitment to losing wacky sports bets over and over again, really capture the spirit of being the lib of the year.

And I'm looking for you to make a three-peat.

So we'll talk again a year from now.

Wow.

Mayor Pete.

Actually, Mayor Pete.

Butigej, Secretary, Pete.

Incredible.

Your hero, Jerry.

Jerry, congratulations.

Lib of the year.

You know, Dan,

you just know how to ruin a great day.

What?

You just know how.

TJ Walkup, paid.

TJ Watt got paid.

Oh, okay.

Congratulations.

Really good.

And listen.

Big win for organized labor.

Yeah, and you would be more than happy to make sure that TJ Watt pays a lot of taxes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Listen, let's cut the bullshit with these awards, okay?

Where's my cash prize?

Where's the $20,000 I was promised last year?

I don't remember that.

I don't remember that.

Maybe we should have taxes this year.

Taxes.

Yeah, yeah.

But,

well, actually.

Well, this year's 40.

This year's 40, then.

Wait, but no, last year you said that you would take your $20,000 and you wanted us to donate to Kamala's campaign, which we did in your name.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I forgot about that, Dan.

Yep, yep, I forgot.

Listen, bro.

Listen.

These fucking tankies, you do, they're fake awards.

No, they aren't.

They're not very real awards.

They're not real.

What makes an award not real?

Do people ever say anything to you outside in public?

Yes, they do.

So then it's real.

Yeah, so then it's real.

And people should keep saying

where's my plaque i want a plaque then done okay we will make you a plaque that's the easiest thing ever bumper sticker yeah bumper

bumper sticker for the band

black bumper sticker uh please everyone tweet at jersey jerry congratulate him if you see him in person he is the two-time lib of the year winner

yeah

you have anything to say to mare pete he had some very nice things to say about you I don't got one word for that guy.

Okay.

Because you're just, you're out of words.

Speechless.

Emotional.

Speechless.

Seeing him makes you speechless.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Broke down inside.

Yep.

Jerry, I got a question.

As Lib of the Year, two-time Lib of the Year winner, congratulations again.

Are you zooming in from your minivan?

It is still mine.

Correct.

Yes, I made a different purchase.

Correct.

Oh, okay.

But it's still mine.

All right.

And I can see you're in the back seat because your girlfriend's driving in the front seat.

Are we done, Dan?

Are we done?

Are we done?

And Jerry, are we done?

Jerry, where was that car made?

Korea, right?

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, foreign.

Yeah, import.

Yeah, nice.

Yeah, you really

believe it.

Yeah.

Who was up in the running with me?

Was there anybody else who was just like, let's give it to Jerry again?

No, it was Kamala.

Kamala, Jack Mac, Chris Long.

Okay.

All right.

I don't know how I'd be Kamala, but okay.

I mean,

she lost.

She lost.

Yeah.

You didn't lose.

The fight goes on with you.

So how many years are we going to do this in a row, Dan?

Well, yeah, we should make a bumper sticker that's I'm with Jer

with the arrow pointing forward.

Yeah, I love that.

I love that.

Guys, man.

Congratulations, Jerry.

Thank you guys for the award, and I'll carry it with dignity and honor.

Oh, okay.

I love it.

Thank you.

Love it.

Thank you, Jerry.

Appreciate it.

What

a beautiful moment.

You can tell that meant a lot to him.

Yeah.

Jersey Jerry, lib of the year, back-to-back champ.

Incredible.

You can tell it's a big lib award.

Right when he got it, he was like, well, let me get some money from you.

Let me get some of that money from you.

Yeah, give me the money.

Give me the money.

But yeah, incredible job by Jerry.

He's done it again.

He's done it again.

Excited to see what he has in store for next year.

Okay, next up, we have a Ratio of the Year Award.

By the way,

to the panel, I think this should be Ratio of the Year award

in name of Shane Dawson because he is still the number one ratio.

If you don't remember, this was what 10 years ago, six years ago.

He won Ratio of the Year because he tweeted, I didn't fuck my cat.

I didn't come on my cat.

I didn't put my dick anywhere near my cat.

I've never done anything weird with my cats.

I promised myself I wasn't going to make apology videos after last year's thing.

So I'm just trying to be as short and honest with this as possible.

But just in case you didn't get what I said, I did not have sex with my cat.

The Streisand effect.

Yes, he is the Ratio of the Year forever winner.

So, Ratio of the Year, nominees.

We have Representative Josh Williams from Ohio, who said, I am proud to introduce the OHOIO

Sportsmanship Act to make flag planting at midfield a felony in the state of Ohio.

Behavior that incites violent brawls and puts our law enforcement officers in danger has no place on the football field.

This got 16.4 million views, 32,000 replies

for

this take after Michigan won at the shoe and then decided to plant the flag.

Back in the day, we used to build statues of guys planting flags at midfield.

That's a fact.

That's a fact.

We have the Hollywood Reporter Hollywood meet your new A-list from

staggeringly talented TikTokers to the Instagram stars we can't look away from.

These are the names who will and should be dominating the business of new and old media.

And it's just a picture of a bunch of TikTokers.

I can't name any of them except I think Brianna's in there.

Maybe Josh Richards.

Rizzler?

Rizzler's not in there.

Oh, that's that's a bullshit list.

25,000 retweets, probably all of them quote tweets, and 7,000 replies.

Pretty good.

7,000 replies.

We have

Katy Perry.

When it was announced that Katy Perry donated all the revenue she has made from her album 143 to the victims of the California Fire,

she was quote tweeted by Liam Fennesy, The Wildfire Victims, and it's a clip from the hit movie Super Bad, which is, I'm going to play the clip real quick.

Are you fucking serious?

Seven bucks?

Yep.

That was a big-time ratio.

The quote-treat ratio always hurts.

Tyrese Halliburton, who Ben Stiller said

during the Knicks Pacers series,

Tyrese Halliburton said, Hallie pulled up to Game Six in all black fit.

Ben Stiller said, good thing he brought his duffel for the flight to New York for what he was alluding to as Game 7.

And Tyrese Halliburton said, nah, was to pack y'all up.

And that one ratioed the fuck out of Ben Stiller.

Packed him up.

Packed him up.

And then finally, our last nominee is Kevin Durant

replying to Emmanuel Acho when Emmanuel Acho had his legacy formula.

And Kevin Durant, so the legacy formula was championships one divided by teams played forward equals player legacy.

So Steph has a 4.0, Braun has a 1.3, and Katie has a 0.4 legacy rating.

Yep.

Kevin Durant replied, according to the great Kevin Durant's legacy formula that was created in the best labs at MIT, Emmanuel is the worst linebacker of all time.

You sure want to listen to this guy about greatness.

Yeah.

I think that we should have an award for equation of the year.

Yeah.

The legacy ratio has changed the way that sports talk is done.

He had 73,000 likes compared to Emmanuel Acho's 10,000.

Really good.

Okay, and the winner is

Kevin Durant.

Yeah, good job, Kevin Durant for his legacy formula, formulated the Kevin Durant legacy formula that was created in the best labs at MIT.

And he ratioed the fuck out of Emmanuel Acho.

In the great words of Kevin Durant, there's no relax, champ.

No relax when I'm on Twitter.

I'm on 10 until the second I close the app.

You relax.

Love it.

Love it.

So congratulations, Kevin Durant.

Please come on the show to accept your award.

Next up, we have the AI Video of the Year award.

Now, some of these might be controversial because we're still not 100% sure on if they were AI or not.

The first nominee for AI Video of the Year goes to the kangaroo trying to get on the airplane.

Oh.

The emotional support kangaroo.

I remember that one.

Lil Joey.

Hank thought it was real.

So did you.

The next nominee.

The whale is being cleaned off by heavy machinery.

Heavy machinery.

Heavy machinery.

Heaviest machinery.

Full-on crop dusting.

Whales are huge.

So it made sense.

And stable.

Yeah.

Stable.

Power washing of whales.

The dog diving video that we all saw and love.

Hank I tweeted this one too.

Well, I tweeted at you and said, is this real?

The dog weightlifting video from the Olympics.

I did not see that live when it happened, but it was an incredible display of strength from the dogs.

Correct.

And then the lady diving and sinking an entire boat has been nominated.

She's actually been doing that a lot.

It happens over and over again.

If you see that lady coming, you're on your boat,

you tug the other way.

Almost every day.

And Hank, we have a guest presenter for this.

Very special guest presenter.

Okay.

Ooh.

I alluded to it earlier in the show.

Is it Mayor Pete?

Nope?

Was that AI?

No, that's real.

Hey, everybody.

Tom Brady here, seven-time Super Bowl champ.

And apparently now, take you presenter.

Life comes at you fast.

First off, big shout out to my guy, Hank.

I know you're a massive fan.

I appreciate the support over the years.

Yep.

Even when it borderlines on obsession.

And don't worry, Hank.

I'm going to come on the show eventually, right after you figure out how the internet works.

Seriously, how many times is this going to happen, man?

Send me a text.

Brady, look at this kangaroo getting on a plane.

Hank, buddy.

Oh, you text him?

That thing has fakered than my retirement for the first time.

You know who else isn't getting on a plane anytime soon?

Tiffany Gomez.

Bing-bong, Hanky.

All right, let's get to it.

The nominees for AI video of the year are

the dog diving in the Olympics video,

the kangaroo boarding the airplane video,

and the whale barnacle cleaning video.

All incredibly fake, all incredibly watched by Hank multiple times.

And the takeie goes to

the whale AI video.

Congrats to everyone who contributed to that beautifully fabricated undersea lie.

Enjoy the rest of the takeies.

And Hank, seriously, if it's M4K and makes you say no way, it's probably not real champ.

Wow.

Thank you to Tom.

Thank you, Tom.

That's incredible.

Incredible.

He's going to come on.

That was really good.

He texted you.

Why haven't you asked him on text?

I have many times.

Okay.

Okay.

Before we do the next Takey Award PFT, you got a couple ads?

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Okay, next up, we're at number 15.

We have the fight of the year.

We had some really good fights this year.

Great fights.

First nominee is our good friend Paul Bissonet

for his fight against the Irish travelers in Scottsdale, Arizona.

Took some, gave more.

Yep.

Next fight is the recent fight from Tarnasky or Taransky.

Taransky.

No, Tarnasky.

I screwed it up.

On the course.

On the course.

Bang, bang, bang.

Put you in a lake.

Also, very Canadian for both those guys to go on media afterwards and apologize.

It's a good Donny Brook.

Yeah.

We also have Jordan Schultz versus Ian Ratport, which you got the inside source on PFT.

I mean, what an incredible fight between those two.

I could forget.

Yeah.

Security was called.

Security was called.

And then finally, Mike Tyson versus Jake Paul.

Remember that fight?

Oh, yeah.

That was awesome.

I kind of.

I kind of remember that.

It was on Netflix.

Yeah, Jake Paul has basically spent nine rounds being like, like, I don't want to hurt Mike Tyson.

Great fight.

The winner of the fight of the year

for the 2025

Takey Awards is Nick Tarnaski.

Yes.

Congratulations, Nick.

Bang.

Bang.

Walk away.

Incredible.

What a fight.

We're so lucky to get something like that.

And Rob Mack was right.

It was incredible to watch.

It was the best.

It was the best.

Okay, PFT, you have our next award.

The next award goes to the GM of the year.

The General Manager of the Year award nominees are Brick Johnson, General Manager of the New York Jets.

Nico Harrison.

Remember when he GM'd?

I do remember.

Via Madden.

Incredible.

Nico Harrison, general manager of the Dallas Mavericks.

Pulled off the trade of the year.

He got the number one pick.

Got the number one pick.

Cooper Flag, AD.

Now I'm hearing Braun wants to go there.

What an exciting movement that would be.

Joe Shoan from the New York Giants.

Ooh, yeah.

For not being able to sleep at night anymore and still GMing.

Yeah, having Saquon Barkley have a career year right in his face, right in his division, and then win a Super Bowl title.

Rob Polinka from the Los Angeles Lakers for accepting a meeting with Nico Harrison and saying, yes, please, thank you.

Yes.

And then Joe Dumars from the New Orleans Pelicans.

He's just been an all-around great GM.

Yep.

The General Manager of the Year for 2025 award goes to

Nico Harrison.

Wow.

Securing the number one overall pick, Cooper flag, the future of the draft, and getting rid of some guy.

He wasn't that good.

Yeah.

I forget who was.

Fuck Nico Harrison.

But also.

I think how unbiased the committee is.

Yeah.

Very unbiased.

I also think that Brick Johnson got hosed on this.

He did.

It probably should.

Should we give it a Brick Johnson?

Yeah, let's give it Brick Johnson.

Yeah, Brig John Johnson.

Brick Johnson gets hit.

Let's do Nico Harrison.

Ha ha, motherfucker.

We're brick guys.

We punked you.

Yeah.

Nico, I can't wait to see Nico's face when he's listening to this show and he thinks he won and then he didn't.

Hey, Nico, trade proposal.

You get the General Manager of the Year award and then you have to give it back.

Ha!

You receive nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

Brick Johnson deserves this.

He does.

I mean, whenever you can be a GM from Madden.

His name is Brick Johnson.

His name is Brick Johnson.

And he's definitely...

A Stoolie.

Yes.

100%.

Okay.

Next up, we have Injury of the Year.

So this is kind of a sad one.

Yep.

Don't love celebrating injuries.

We don't celebrate them.

Don't root for them.

We do watch them on repeat.

Yeah, but there was a lot of injuries this year, so we need to at least talk about them.

The nominees are Jason Tatum for his Torn Achilles.

Yeah.

Any thoughts?

Minor setback for a major comeback.

He's already rehabbed and he's looking good, working hard.

Okay.

Good to hear.

Tyrese Halberton for also a Torn Achilles.

Any thoughts?

No.

Okay.

Good.

Well said.

You're in a much better position.

Yes.

We had Max's ankle when he decided to walk drunk.

Well, the ankle, I had an ankle and a foot.

Which one was the drunk walk?

The foot was the broken foot was the dunk.

It's all the same.

Funk.

What was the ankle?

The ankle was when I was at the AWL's bachelor party.

Okay.

Were you drunk?

So they were both drunk walking.

I could have been drunk walking.

I was probably tipsy.

Yeah.

I was down.

Whatever.

Yeah.

Next up, nominee, the first time I got kidney stones, the first time PFT got kidney stones, the second time PFT got kidney stones, and then the second time I got kidney stones.

Now, is that one nominee or four?

That's four nominees.

Four nominees.

Four nominees.

Packed pairing.

Yeah.

We also have Hank's panic attack.

Yep.

Yep.

Don't smoke and think, kids.

Injury of the injury.

And then finally, we have Anthony Richardson for being tired that one time.

Yep.

That was, he was very injured.

Took himself out of the game.

All right, we have a guest presenter for this award.

So let's go to it.

All right.

Very excited to present the Injury of the Year award at the Pardon My Take 2025 Takeies.

I think this is my fourth appearance on Pardon My Take.

Not count as many as Jerry, but who's counting?

No, I'm kidding.

I love you, Jerry.

I love you, Jerry, with teammates.

You're my God.

House Call this Fall.

Check it out.

But anyway, Injury of the Year.

It's presented to Max Delente.

Yeah.

World Series regional runner-up.

Never made it to the World Series.

Might have been a little too heavy.

Is what it is.

Nobody's counting.

Is what it is.

They're just kids.

He was a little kid.

They're just kids.

Still fat now, but it is what it is.

Injury of the year.

Got drunk

with Jackie tables.

No surprise.

Hurt, tripped his foot.

You know, hey, some people say it's hard to walk and chew gum at the same time.

I guess it's hard to have, you know, too many and walk home and make it home safe.

You couldn't do that, Max.

No surprise to me.

But yeah, you and Jackie, maybe find new friends.

Find yourself hanging out with people who do better for you, push you.

But injury of the year, Max Delente, your first,

you know, pretty bad.

I think the ankle was tore up a little bit.

Not as bad as you tore up your hero, Shane Victorino's sunglasses.

What a fucking fumble that was.

And you're talking to a guy who fumbles.

So yeah, Injury of the Year, 2025, Max Delente.

Congratulations.

You finally won something.

You couldn't make it to the Little League World Series, but you took it down.

Wait a minute, Max.

Oh, congratulations, Max.

Best presenter yet.

Erico Bosco.

He makes a good point, Eurico.

He couldn't make it to the World Series, unlike the guys that we all remember, like Big Al who hit all those dingers in one spot.

No, he was Little League World Series legend for sure.

Absolutely.

I wish that I could have done that.

Monet Davis, who won the whole thing.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

That's incredible.

She was the best.

She was

the most talented Little League World Series winner ever.

Ever.

Ever.

Ever.

Number one.

Yeah.

Okay.

Shout out to the umpires there, by the way.

They do a great job.

Excellent job.

Max, do you accept?

Of course I accept.

Love that.

Yeah, no, it's an honor to win a takeie no matter how you're going to do it.

I wish I didn't break my foot, but I'm happy that I got some hardware out of it for sure.

And you never had to do the pitching thing, so it worked out.

Well,

I will do the pitching thing.

Oh, okay.

Sure.

I will.

Sure.

I've been talking, whatever.

We don't talk about the pitching thing.

It's not going well, but

I've sent out some feelers.

Important.

Yeah.

Okay, PFT.

We have the newcomer who steals the show of the year award.

So this is an award that we named after the famous Jaguars fan woman.

Can you play that video?

They're not listening anymore.

Memes didn't get the joke of the.

He just kept, he was like, he was like, Big Al didn't make it.

Big Al didn't make it.

That's what got distracting.

That Rico gets mad when people say that Big Al was

keep all this in.

And Monet Davis.

Listen, we're not the Oscars.

We don't run seamlessly here.

All right.

All right.

We're back.

Yeah.

Okay, so this is a new award, Newcomer of the Year award.

No, no, no.

Play the video of the woman, the Jaguars woman.

As far as picks, they say they have the best draft in the entire NFL.

Are you surprised to hear that?

Certainly not.

The first year we took it to the limit.

And I was in Miami with my new beach house.

Well, it was a couple minutes from the beach.

It's been 20 years since then.

We haven't been too strong in the last few years.

Oh, we've been strong.

We're just playing by the rules.

You can't have a newcomer come in and steal a show.

Thank you.

Love it.

Love that woman.

Love it.

R.I.P.

So that is, this is the award is named after her.

Yes.

The nominees for Newcomer Who Steals the Show of the Year award are

Jaden Daniels, came in, stole the show.

Great rookie season.

Great rookie season.

Won all the accolades from Max Delente.

Bo Nicks, also great rookie season.

I've got a boner.

Jacob Misrowski for coming in, starting, what, four games?

Yep.

Making the all-star team.

team.

Flamethrower.

And Zach on part of my take.

Our guy, Zach.

Our guy, Zach.

Nominated.

The winner of the newcomer who steals the show of the year award is.

We have a video.

The 2025

Newcomer of the Year Takey goes to

no one other

than Zach.

Yeah.

Congrats on it.

Santa Margarita.

Welcome to the club, Bob.

Welcome to the club.

Love it.

And that is our good friend Julian Edelman from Italy.

Maybe the first award presenter to actually do a thirst trap while presenting the award.

Yes.

So, Zach, congratulations.

Are you...

Now, we should say, clarify for all the people who are on the committee and voting.

We did give him, we decided the winner last night before we found out that Zach was going to sleep in past

the commercial shoot.

But he still wins Newcomer of the Year.

I would like to say I appreciate you guys for nominating me for Newcomer of the Year and allowing me to,

ultimately, the committee allowed me to win.

I just want to say PFT, Big Hat, thank you very much for the opportunity.

Memes, Max, Hank, Shane, Jack, and Pog, thank you guys for being so open to any questions I've had so far.

And we're back to ground zero because we were late today.

But

I'm sure to help the team any way I can.

Okay.

Thank you, Zach.

Love that.

Well earned.

Great job, Zach.

Okay, we're wrapping up.

We have 19.

It is the Still Alive Person of the Year, which is a prestigious award that we give out every year.

To Jimmy Carter.

We gave last year's award out to Jimmy Carter the year before, I think, was Queen

Elizabeth.

I think it was Tommy Lasorda the year before that.

Quite a list.

This is an award that at some point I would love to win.

Yeah, yeah.

All right, so still alive person of the year nominees are

Frankie Valley.

He's still out there.

Kicking it.

Jersey boy.

The crooner.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Lee Corso.

Last game day coming up.

Still alive.

Love Lee Corso.

Still alive.

Joel and Biede.

Still alive.

Still alive.

Right?

He is?

Max?

Yeah, no.

There was just a great article that came out on Joel Embiid.

Okay.

Regarding

being alive?

Yeah.

Being alive and thriving.

Okay.

And people are mean to him.

Oh.

Oh, no.

And then

finally, last up, another Philadelphia legend, Bill Cosby.

Yeah.

Bill Cosby.

Yes.

So the winner, do you have a guest presenter?

For Still Alive Person of the Year Award, there is a guest presenter.

Okay.

Oh, wow.

This is huge.

What a get.

Death is nothing to joke about.

The fact that Burton MyTake has this award tells me that they have achieved zero personal growth.

I mean, one time I knew a guy that died.

Not funny.

But congrats to Bill Cosby.

He is the winner of Still Alive Person of the Year.

Wow.

That was John Cena.

John Cena joined us.

It is nothing to joke about.

He's right.

Yeah.

But Bill Cosby has won the Still Alive Person of the Year.

It would be a real shame.

Fantastic.

Good for Bill.

Hope that this award comes with all the trimmings of the past award winners.

Yes.

Yes.

Enjoy it for an entire year or maybe less.

Or maybe less.

Maybe less.

Okay, PFT, you're up.

Next award is for Pope of the Year.

The Pope of the Year Award.

The nominees are Mark Pope

from the University of Kentucky,

Pope Leo,

the American Pope,

Pope Francis, the not American Pope,

not nominated for still alive person of the year,

the broken Pope Bobblehead that you got as a gift, big cat, that got smashed

and put back together again right there, Shane.

Shout out to Shane.

He got me that bobblehead that broke.

And

also nominated Mike Francesa.

Oh, sports pope.

Sports Pope.

Great job by Mike.

Had a great review of the Superman movie recently.

If you haven't checked that out, give it a look.

The winner of the 2025 Pope of the Year Award is

Pope Leo.

Wow.

Pope Leo.

We got a Pope.

We got a Pope.

Pope.

Wow.

Pope Leo.

Chicago Pope.

I kind of wanted him.

I want him to just...

Talk English more.

That would be great.

Just more viral clips and maybe some tweets from Pope Leo.

And he definitely watched the hot dog eating contest, right?

Absolutely.

First Pope to ever do that.

Absolutely.

I just would like a little more.

Just a couple tweets.

Yeah.

Here and there.

I liked it when the old Pope used to accidentally tag the Saints.

Yeah.

That was always good for a laugh.

That was great.

Okay, next up, we have the Just Chill Out Man of the Year Award.

This is a very important award.

Someone who maybe got a little too excited about something.

Just chill out, man.

Just chill.

We have Daryl Du Set.

Why is he nominated?

Memes?

Daryl Du Sett got mad at NFL players trying to participate in flag football.

Ah, that guy, the quarterback.

Yes.

Yes.

Who could have forgot?

Who could have forgotten Daryl Doucet?

Household name.

He's right, though.

Yeah.

No.

Patrick Mahomes is nowhere near his level.

He's not good at football.

Mel Kuyper for his takes on Shador Sanders on draft weekend.

That was good.

He almost cried.

He almost cried.

We have Elon Musk when he got upset about Trump.

Yeah, he got upset about the Epstein files.

Just chill out.

We already said no one cares.

He's innocent.

Innocent person of the year.

I don't know if you listen to that part of the show, Elon, but he's Innocent Person of the Year.

Trevor Ogilvie, the guy who lost the golf fight to Nick Tarnasky.

I think he may have already received his award.

Yeah.

And then we finally have Jerry O'Connell at the Bet Gala for screaming into Hank's ear, which actually wasn't why Hank lost his hearing.

It was his ear not popping.

Yep.

But also was rock hard and just thrusting in my face.

That might come up later.

Enjoying sports.

Hank should be nominated.

Just chill out, man of the year.

Your ear was fine.

Yeah.

Okay.

The winner of the Just Chill Out Man of the Year award is

Mel Kuiper.

Mel, congratulations.

Congratulations.

You really laid your emotions out on the line this year.

It was a great bit of television.

I hope you've chilled out since then, though.

Yes, you spent an entire weekend getting upset about Shadora Sanders falling in the draft to the point where, I'll say this, it was great TV.

I was glued to it.

I've never been more glued to a fifth round of the NFL draft watching him.

Oh,

I'm pretty sure I'm doing it.

Nine-time NBA All-Star Damian Liller is finalizing a three-year, $42 million contract to return to Portland Trailblazers sources to tell ESPN.

Wow.

Wow.

It's coming home.

That moves the needle 0%.

This feels like he's retiring.

Yeah.

Like he's going to get paid for three years to not really do all that much.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Three-year $42 million NBA is basically nothing.

Ashtray Miller.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's not the Celtics.

But he's still getting paid by the Bucs, right?

Yeah.

Probably, yeah.

Yeah, so he didn't need to get paid that much.

Yeah.

Good for him.

Good for him.

You're saying that wasn't even breaking moves worthy?

No.

I'm just saying it doesn't.

Who cares?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Mike Fritz has it.

Who cares?

Yeah, he's just getting paid to go back home.

Like, I guess maybe the Trailblazers will make the playoffs at least once in his last three years.

Well, he's not going to play this year, so last two years.

That would be nice.

Maybe he'll want, you know what?

He'll hit one big shot.

They're just signing old guys.

They're just going old.

He'll hit one big shot.

Huge.

The next category for the 2025 takeies, the preemptive take of the year award.

Okay.

Preemptive take of the year award.

So we're going to go around and we're going to give our preemptive takes.

This is a take that we will then grade later.

We don't remember what our takes were last year, but that's okay.

That's how the show runs.

Big Cat, what is your preemptive take of the year nomination?

My preemptive take of the year

in the year 2026, it will be.

So the back half of the next year's tickies.

The tush push will be banned.

Feels like.

I'm not saying I want it to be.

Yep.

But that is my preemptive take.

I'm staking my reputation on it.

I think it will be banned.

I think that more teams will start complaining.

And I think that the NFL wants it banned.

Yes.

Even though it is a wet dream of a play.

Yes.

Max, I am on the side of the tushbush.

I do not want it banned.

I'm just, this is my preemptive take of the year.

I just feel like that's not a very hot take.

What do you mean?

We've done it every year.

Everyone's talking like it's going to come out next year.

That's a chalky preemptive take.

Okay.

Sorry, guys.

I didn't know I was going first.

I had to fucking go fast.

I'll come back around.

Steak draft.

You might be right.

Yeah, you might be right, though.

Yeah.

Okay.

Hank?

My preemptive take of the year: Shador Sanders

is going to lead the Cleveland Browns to a wildcard spot and make the playoffs.

Wow,

that's a good take, Hank.

That's a good take.

That's a good take.

I appreciate somebody going out there for a take.

Maybe an injury.

I think we did it with the NFL schedule release.

I think after like week four, he's not going to start.

Something's going to happen.

Maybe Flacco gets injured.

Shador steps in.

Leads him to glory.

Okay.

I have a new preemptive take.

Okay.

This is a hot take.

All right.

The Philadelphia 76ers will make it to the Easter Conference Finals.

Whoa.

Wow.

Now that.

Is that not crazy?

I mean, we just

the opposite of shock.

Yeah.

Still alive.

Yes.

Okay.

Memes.

Just so we're on record, my preemptive take was right last year.

Which was?

I said the 76ers were going to implode with this

trade of Paul George.

You're dead right.

Do you know anyone else's?

Not off the top of my head.

You can just remember that one.

Okay.

So I have an NBA and an NFL one.

Okay, go both.

So NBA is kind of wild.

I think Nikola Jokic is going to force a trade out of Denver at the end of the season to the Chicago Bulls.

Whoa.

Number one Serbia population in America.

Wow.

That's just a wild one.

I love that.

And then NFL.

Fun fact, too.

That's a fun fact.

The Washington Commanders are going to miss the playoffs.

Duh.

And Jaden Daniels is going to finish dead last out of the 2024 QBs in that draft class.

You're such a piece of shit, memes.

Wow.

Wow.

Okay, Matt.

It's a good take.

Like,

I respect you putting your balls out there, memes.

Thank you.

You got to split booth.

Honestly, like...

One of them thinks he's going to be all-time great.

One of them thinks he's going to fall off a cliff.

Well, I mean, listen, I don't want memes to hear this, so just between the three of us, the fact that he's going after Jaden Daniels like that, kind of racist.

Kind of racist, memes.

We would never say such a thing about Justin Fields.

You had him as bad question marker.

Question mark.

It was a question.

We were having a conversation.

It's a question.

Douche.

I read the Joel Ellen Biede article last night, and I went to the DraftKings Sportsbook to place this preemptive take of the year.

And then I read a little bit further in this article, and I took it away the better way.

But I will be saying that Joel and Biede will be winning the MVP.

Wow.

Wow, MVP.

Well, that's not really.

He's won one.

He's 70 to 1.

Has he ever been to the Easter Conference Finals?

It sounds like mine's a little crazier than yours.

Yeah.

We can look at the odds of that.

But then I went back.

I was going to make the bet, and then I went back, and then it says that he will not be returning until he's 100%, and he will not be

prioritizing the regular season this year, which made me second-guess that take a little bit, but I'm going back to my original idea.

It's like when you're

in school and you're taking a test, you always got to go with your gut.

My gut said that Joel and Biet is going to win MVP this year, and I'm sticking with Joe Ellen Biet will win the MVP.

Okay.

I mean, that's a wild take.

On the DraftKings Sportsbook 70.

Down year for the East.

Yeah, I could see it.

Zach?

My take is that

I watch a lot of Commanders football back home because my mother and my brother are Commanders fans, so we're house divided there.

I love Zach's mom.

How you doing?

Respectfully, of course.

Respectfully, yeah.

So I do have a lot of fun watching Jaden Jaden Daniels play football, and I think that he's going to defy the sophomore slump and have a fantastic season.

Love that.

Got all his guys coming back.

Are you guys going to say anything about that?

That was way chalkier than my take.

Terry, no, he's right.

That's a great take.

That's crazy.

Zach, that's an awesome.

Jaden Daniels is still going to be good.

Zach's mom knows.

That's crazy.

Hank, back me up here.

That's not a great take, Zach.

Well, yeah, no, it's a good take.

It's a really good take.

It's a newcomer of the year right there.

Strong take.

I love it, Zach.

We got Fast Debo.

Probably Terry.

Probably.

Sky's the limit.

He may do it the entire season with a smile on his face.

He might, yeah.

Okay.

And no.

What about girls?

Will he get a girlfriend?

That would be a hot take.

There was a video that came out the other day, Hank.

Yeah.

I don't know if it's real or not,

but he was having a good time with Juju.

Ooh.

Yeah, real good time.

Are we like cousins or something?

I would like.

No.

What, memes?

What are you laughing about?

Nothing, nothing.

I thought you were going to say he was having a good time at a fast food restaurant with Debo.

Nope.

Nope.

He was not.

Okay.

Yours.

My take.

Shane, do you have one?

I'm kind of scared to say mine because it's in the same vein as last year's.

Last year,

we'll remember that.

Well, I was going to refresh.

Last year, I said Gus Edwards would lead the league in rushing touchdowns.

Okay.

And I couldn't have been more wrong.

So I'm going to go Omarian Hampton, Offensive Rookie of the Year.

What about Najee?

Don't have an I.

Oh, they have an eye.

Allegedly.

There's no I in Najee.

Also, let me me just toss him one more preemptive take.

I think this is the year that Shane's going to start liking onions.

No.

He sleeps with an onion.

Could.

That's true.

Could.

I want you to storm out so bad.

All right.

My preemptive take of 2025-2026, I truly believe this, by the way.

I think that the situation that Caleb Williams is in right now

is the best situation in the history of second-year quarterbacks.

It might be.

In the entire NFL.

Think about it.

They short up the offensive line.

Big weakness from last year, right?

Spit.

They got rid of Matt Eberflus.

That's good for six wins right there.

They finally have a GM and a coach that are lined up on the same contract.

They've got an offensive wizard at head coach who's got a bag that's deeper than the Mariana Trench.

Ah, bars.

And he's just a good quarterback.

He's still got the physical tools.

The physical tools were there.

He had a good season last year.

Statistically, it was okay.

Not as bad as many of the haters said that it was.

This is the best setup possible for a second-year quarterback in the history of the NFL.

Do you know what you just did?

What

you just made me almost go to six and a half out of ten.

I didn't, but you almost made me get there.

I'm at a ten.

I'm at a ten on Caleb.

I like that take.

Uh, okay,

good takes of the year, preemptive takes of the year.

Uh, all right, we got three left.

We have Bonk of the Year, we have Blake of the Year, we have Podcast Listeners of the Year.

Three huge awards, massive huge, huge awards.

Uh,

next up, Bonk of the year.

The nominees are

the entire internet for Sidney Sweeney breaking up with her boyfriend.

Mm-hmm.

And also the soap thing.

And also, Hank, you should probably try to get with her.

Yeah.

I am.

I should.

Actively.

You should.

We have J-O-C, our good friend Jerry O'Connell, for not wearing underpants and being rock hard in Hank's face during the Celtics Knicks game at the Beth Gala.

Pretty incredible.

Pretty incredible.

PFT,

for whatever you said.

For the whole thing.

Steve Smith.

Kind of a story we forgot.

Yeah.

Noted.

Yeah.

Noted.

One of the best times.

How about PFT for when you tweeted Casey Anthony is back?

She's so back.

Yeah.

She is so back, huh?

She looks good.

She's looking good.

Steve Smith, let's just read the text real quick.

This is with the guy that he cucked.

Or, no, sorry, this is with the girl that he was having sex with.

He was having sex with a married woman.

She said, take me deep down your throat like you kind of like.

Or no, so he said, take me deep down your throat like you kind of like you wanted to suck me off.

She wrote back, I did.

I would have gagged on it,

but I had to come home.

He said, you enjoy it.

You like to feel it.

She said, I like feeling it deep in my wet pussy.

He replied, me too.

Letting you taste,

though, would be a turn on.

I would have shot my nut all inside your pussy.

She wrote back.

I love making you come.

I enjoy it more when you come inside me.

He replied.

Noted.

Wasn't there some IUD rearrangement that went on in that, too?

Yeah, I think he stirred things up a little bit.

Oh, man.

Noted.

That is very bonk-worthy.

And then our final nominee for Bonk of the Year is Shannon Sharp, just for everything.

The Instagram Live, everything.

The rest.

Everything.

All right.

The winner of Bonk of the Year for the 2025, pardon my take-takeys, is

our good friend Jerry O'Connell.

Jerry, congrats, buddy.

All right.

And he is here to accept his award.

Wow.

Wow.

What?

What an honor.

I got to tell you, I didn't.

It's an honor to have this.

I want to thank the Academy.

And by the Academy, I mean the three of you and Max and Zach, and memes.

But, you know, I wasn't expecting to be aroused when I got there.

And then when the Knicks came back from 20 in the fourth quarter, and Hank was next to me, and Hank was dressed like a cowboy, I just,

I got to move for a second because actually I'm sitting next to my daughter right there.

I got so,

I got so fucking rock hard and excited because the Knicks were going to beat the Celtics.

And they did.

And I just couldn't believe it.

And just blood started flowing everywhere.

And you know what?

At first, when you said I got the Bonk of the Year award, I was kind of ashamed.

But no, now I'm proud and I'm excited.

And I just want anyone to know, or any man, I'm sorry to assign gender, who's feeling not like vital, not alive.

Just let Mr.

Bing Bong, Mr.

Bing Bong, flow through

your bloodstream, through your veins.

And there's nothing quite like it.

So I accept this award for Bonk of the Year.

And I'm really excited.

Now let me go sit down next

back to my daughter.

Congratulations, Sherry.

You hear what I said, honey?

Honey, I'm on part of my take.

Hello, testic, testing.

Yeah.

I'm the bonk of the year.

She'll never know.

Her mom will never know.

It's great.

Yeah, it was a good one.

I would have preferred it if maybe if it had something to do with Tiffany Gomas.

But

as I was rubbing up on Hank, I just want to say

Hank and I have

a thing now.

We have a connection.

It's a family.

It's a lifelong connection.

And Hank, funny, I'd like you to meet your new dad.

His name is Hank.

That's your dad.

He's going to teach you golf.

We're a modern family, Hank.

You and I.

We're a modern couple.

Get with it.

Be cool with it, Hank.

I know you're like a little weird about stuff like that, but just be open.

All right.

Open to the universe.

Say hi to your new dad.

Say hi.

All right.

Thank you, Jerry.

Fucking kids.

You believe this shit?

Yeah, you're the best, Jerry.

Thank you.

We can't wait to see you.

Camp Barstool.

Love you, Jerry.

Love you.

Love you.

All right.

Bye.

That was incredible.

That was great.

That's our guy.

I like that Mr.

Bing Bong isn't something that lives inside Jerry's brain.

It's actually his dick.

Yeah.

He's Mr.

Bingbong when it gets hard.

Oh, I'm so happy we didn't tell him that he was winning that award.

We need to do that with more of these winners.

Just bring them on and just be like, hey, you won this award.

Jersey Jerry, Biz,

Jerry O'Connell.

It's been a great takeies.

Yeah.

And now we have one of my favorite awards.

We have the Blake of the Year Award.

One of the greatest awards that we give out every single year.

This is our eighth time.

giving out Blake of the Year.

So let's get to Blake of the Year.

And before we get to the Blake of the Year Award, it's brought to you by McDonald's.

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Okay, it's time.

Probably the most important take you we give out every single year.

It is the Blake of the Year time.

Blake Bortles, Blake Griffin, Brooks Kepka.

They are all nominated for Blake of the Year, and we're going to do it like we've done it a few times before, old school style.

We are going to send a Zoom link to all three Blakes.

They've been given a window.

So I told them there's a three-hour window that we could decide Blake of the Year.

So they're at least aware because this was a time zone disaster.

Blake Griffin's in Hawaii.

Blake Portals is in Florida.

Brooks Kepka's in Northern Ireland.

Yeah, it's crazy.

I mean, the big storyline at home is: can Blake win the big one?

Yeah.

Because Brooks Kepka has not won.

He has not.

And that weighs heavily on him.

So what is the actual tally?

Do we have, I think it's, is it four for Blake Griffin and three for Blake Portals?

I think Griffin's got four.

so he's going to

one for the thumb for him.

This is going to be a big one.

This would be just dominant.

Yep.

Dynasty.

But yeah, we don't know.

Can Brooks Kepka, can he kind of dig himself out of that hole?

He only cares about big tournaments.

Yeah.

This is the biggest tournament of them all.

Yeah.

And he still has that glaring empty space on his mantle.

It would be a shocker if he wins this.

I think every year, if you had to release odds, it's like Blake Griffin minus 150.

Blake Bortles probably plus 120.

Yeah.

Brooks Kepka 40 to 1.

Yeah, I would say that's fair.

I mean,

there's a lot of doubters out there for Brooks Kepka.

Is he even a Blake?

Well, we're starting to ask.

Some people then also reverse it and say him not caring about this makes him the most Blake.

I would say that that is 100% accurate.

Like when he didn't call in for about two hours, I think it was like two days.

He was in Portugal, I think.

Yeah, that's the most Blake move that there is.

But unfortunately, this is the way that we decide the award.

Yep.

And yeah, may the best Blake win.

All right, so what do we we have, memes?

It's four to three, and it does look like Blake Griffin has won all phone calls and Zoom calls.

Okay.

Wow.

There was a time that Blake Bordle was like, yeah, he lost by like a split second.

That was a heartbreaker for him.

All right, so here we go.

We have the Zoom up.

We have all three Blakes on one text chain.

Are you guys nervous?

I'm always nervous.

I'm very nervous.

I'm started timer.

What do you guys got for over-under on time?

Cool shirt, Hank.

I think we're going to have our first.

Hey, you too.

I think we're going to have our first Blake within a minute.

I also like, this also is one of those things.

Did you send it?

Are they?

No, I haven't.

Like, is your Zoom set up?

Sometimes you have to update.

These things matter.

Are you connected to Wi-Fi?

Yeah.

I feel like Blake is the only one.

Blake Griffin is the only one that would remotely have a Zoom set up.

He trains.

Blake Griffin trains for the Blake of the Year.

That's why he's got four.

He's the only one.

He puts it in his calendar.

He preps.

He stays close to the router.

Remember the year that he sat close to the router?

Yeah.

To get the better Wi-Fi?

Five to three would be a commanding lead.

Yeah,

this is going to be Blake Griffin.

But a four to four would be an incredible

turn of Blake of the Year.

I think four to four, obviously, like what a storyline that would be.

Five to three, you start to have the because it starts to feel like Brady Manning.

And if it's Brooks, we're going nuke.

Oh, we have we should get champagne.

I think we got a party.

Yeah, we have a party.

Yeah, yeah.

All right,

you guys ready?

Count me down.

Five, four.

So did five.

Three.

What do you want me to say?

I want to start at 20.

30.

31.

Meme said it.

29.

What did Meme said?

Meme said he thinks it's going to be within five seconds.

I think 23 seconds.

25,

24,

23,

22, 21,

20,

19, 18, 17, 16, 15, 14, 13, 13, 12, 11, 10,

9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1,

6.

Woo!

It's been sent.

That was awesome.

And now we wait.

You guys' countdown should have been on the Mount Rushmore PCs.

Ooh, yeah.

That was, that was awesome.

Oh, my God.

Oh, shit.

Oh, my God.

Oh, God.

12 seconds.

Oh, wow.

12 seconds.

Oh, wow.

Oh, God.

Oh, no.

You win.

You win.

You win.

Blake of the year!

Blake of the year!

Is it just me?

Yeah,

Blake Bortles joined about two seconds after you.

That's five.

Oh, my God.

Can we get Blake Bortles in here?

That's five.

Five.

All the way from Hawaii.

From way downtown.

Blake was right there.

Blake

Bortles again is second place.

Can you hear me?

Yeah.

Yeah.

He came in second by like two seconds.

It was that close.

It's devastating, dude.

It's just devastating.

I mean, Blake Bortles, you have to ask yourself.

It feels like every year we're in this exact same spot where you join the Zoom and Blake Griffin's already here.

Yeah, I think it just comes down to like, I'm bouncing my head off my ceiling.

Like, this is just as good as I get.

Yeah, it's like running into Patrick Mahomes every year.

That's right.

There's no way around it.

Seconds just got to be where you live.

Oh, man.

All right, Blake Griffin.

You are now a five-time Blake of the Year.

Blake Bortles has three championships.

This is the separating one.

Like, it was four to three.

We were saying beforehand, if it went four to four, you'd be like, hey, we got a real rivalry.

Now you're peerless.

You have no peers.

You have five of them.

Listen, I put in the work.

I flew out to Hawaii.

I've been holed up in a house in Hawaii for the past two weeks waiting for this.

Oh, my God.

It does feel good.

I would like to talk about Brooks.

What's going on?

Yeah.

But we were saying this is the most Blake thing that you can do, arguably, is just not care.

Not care.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He,

yeah, I don't know if he'll join.

He is in England.

He's about to play in the Open Championship.

Maybe next year we'll find a different weekend that he's not this many time zones away.

But yet again, it's Blake versus Blake, and Blake has won.

Blake always wins.

Would you say this?

Is this the hardest one that you've had to win being in Hawaii and all?

Yeah, I think just like, you know, you can become complacent sometimes.

And I think,

I don't know, I just, every year I know Bortles is bringing it.

We don't really have to worry about Brooks, which is kind of nice.

Yeah.

So I don't know.

Wasn't it like two seconds last year as well?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think this is the fastest one.

Yeah.

So, so Blake Bortles, are you you have lost back-to-back years uh maybe four seconds total that has separated you is there anything you can do are you gonna train or is there like are you just like hey this is what i have like i'm just going up against the monster yeah it's definitely it's gonna be an obstacle to overcome i just i don't know how much better i can get i've maxed out my potential you know the first 15 minutes of this window i was staring at my phone then i got briefly sidetracked by children and then i locked back in and couldn't have clicked on the link any faster.

That's

heartbreaking.

Do we make sure that Zoom was updated?

Was that good to go?

Yeah, I was on a Zoom call earlier today.

Everything was fine.

I mean, everything was ideal for a win today.

And I lose again.

There will be people who ask, is it time to change the format of Blake of the Year?

Because Blake Griffin's been so dominant on the phone.

I don't know if we're ready to have that conversation yet.

Should we go back to the lottery balls?

That was fun.

Yeah, we could.

we could do we could do seeding for next year yeah we could do seating

we still have to i'm open to i'm open to switching up the format okay i mean could you imagine if if the one versus 16 if if brooks kepka somehow beat blake griffin in the first round next year yeah that would be incredible

story yeah i think our odds were exactly right we said beforehand our odds are blake griffin minus 150 blake portals plus 120 brooks kepka 40 to 1.

And it feels like that just proves true every year.

I mean, it's also kind of unfair.

He is playing in a major this weekend.

Yeah.

So he's, you know, he's probably on the course grinding.

Well, isn't it?

He's in England.

Isn't it like 8 p.m.

there?

Yeah, it is 8 p.m.

Yeah, the Englishman's on the course.

Grinding.

I mean, on the course, grinding.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Blake Bortles, have you finished your house?

Yes.

It's complete.

We're living at it.

Are you sad that your construction guys are gone?

I am.

Yep.

I think they

I made made friends with them.

I'd bring beer, and I think that could have caused it to take six to eight months longer than it should have been.

But I enjoyed our Friday afternoons together, so I wouldn't have changed it.

Blake Bortles, did you hear any of the interview with Trevor Lawrence that we had this week?

Because he had nothing but the nicest things to say about you.

I did not.

I missed it.

How'd it go?

Trevor's the man.

Yeah.

He just said that your reputation was pristine in that locker room.

He could still feel your presence in there.

So he actually said he might cut his hair if he wins the Super Bowl in a tribute to you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, if I could, I'd have his hair and I'd trade in a heartbeat with him.

Mine is shaved, you know, by default.

Yeah.

He also said that he would let us stay at his house without him there.

Wow.

Yeah.

Which is something you, Blake Griffin, we never asked you that, would you let us stay at your house without you there?

Yeah, I'm in Hawaii.

You guys want to pop over to the house?

Perfect.

Swing by the crib.

Perfect.

Yeah, because Blake Bortles did do that once where he forgot we were coming over to stay at his house and he was like, oh, just here's the code.

I'll be back in like five hours.

And we just hung out at his house waiting for him.

That's, I mean, that's a true Blake right there.

I mean, shirt off, shirt off your back, house off your property.

Yeah.

You guys had filmed a whole music video on the back walkway by the time I got home.

That's right.

Drink paint.

Yeah.

Blake Griffin, have you thought about legacy yet?

I've, I've, I've,

it's sort of been washing over me.

I've been thinking, like, do you do the thing, you get, try to get six and then retire like Jordan?

Although you can never truly retire from being a Blake.

I don't know.

I'm just soaking it up right now, to be honest.

Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

Last question for both of you.

I don't know if you saw the news that we're writing a book for the 10-year anniversary of Pardon My Take.

You guys are both going to have to write at least one chapter.

All right.

Well, Chat GPT will be on it.

Yeah.

Who are you, Blake Portal?

Can you write a chapter for us?

No.

I mean, you remember my research in work ethic towards the book club that we had for a short period of time.

I can give you a sentence.

Okay.

All right.

Yeah.

A sentence.

I'll take a sentence.

You just talk to our ghostwriter for five minutes and he writes the chapter.

Why don't we each give you a sentence and then we just, we don't know what the other one's writing and we hope that those two sentences flow together.

Yeah, I like that.

Yeah, we'll finish Blake Griffins and then it's choose your own adventure to read Blake Bordle's section.

Turn two pages.

All right.

Well, thank you, boys.

We appreciate it so much.

We love doing this award.

And

we'll keep the Zoom open for Brooks Kepka.

He'll probably never arrive.

Yeah.

We'll see if he does.

Congrats again to Blake Griffin.

Five-time Blake of the Year, back-to-back champion.

Is it three in a row?

Is it three in a row?

No.

Bordels one.

Two in a row.

Blake Dr.

No, is it?

You won

three times ago.

You've won two in a row.

Yeah.

two in a row.

I've won two in a row, yeah.

Blake won those

2023 Blake of the Year.

Yeah, so next year's going for a three-peat.

That's historic.

Yeah, we've got to break that up.

Well, next year's, is that the 10-year anniversary?

Yeah.

Of Blake of the Year?

Nine-year.

I think we didn't

first year.

Okay.

All right.

That's going to be a big one.

That's going to be the diamond one.

Yeah, because there's been eight Blake of the Years.

Blake Griffin has five.

Blake Portals has three.

Never been a three-peat.

Wow.

I got to say, the real winner is the listeners because this was a great competition.

Yeah.

Like neck and neck.

Fair fight.

I feel

shout out to the AWS.

Yes.

Yeah.

No losers in this one except for Blake Portals.

Well, and Brooks Kepka.

Yeah.

There's two losers.

Yeah.

Yeah.

All right.

Thank you, boys.

Should we just stay on till Brooks joins?

Yeah, we'll stay on till Brooks joins.

We'll let you guys go.

Yeah, we'll see you guys.

See you guys.

Congrats, guys.

All right.

Oh, there he is.

Why is this happening every time I'm overseas?

So, Brooks Kepka finishing in third place in Blake of the Year for yet another year.

The timer was up.

I think it was, I think you joined, let's see, you joined a solid

17 minutes after Blake Griffin won the award.

I'm not surprised Blake won.

Are we shocked?

He's got five now.

He's joining us.

Five, and Blake Bortles has three, and you have zero.

We said beforehand we put the odds at you.

Uh, I think you were 40 to one to win this.

Yeah, I think it was a longer shot.

Yeah,

as a gambling man, I think it was a lot longer.

What do we have to do to get competitive next year?

I really think we

maybe do this while I'm on the same time zone.

Okay, that's actually not the same.

That's the only way we gotta do this.

We gotta push it back a week.

Okay, do we push it back or do we move it forward?

i i gotta i gotta figure out what i'm doing next year i gotta look at the schedule yeah yeah i still think we should try to do it all three blakes in the same place we gotta we gotta maybe figure that out because it would be yeah there's kind of some kind of competition or some kind of something when we're all together yeah that's the fairest but uh hey props to blake for winning wow what an effort it's just been an incredible run for him what where were you when you saw the text and what went through your head uh

the same thing that usually goes through.

God, I am so late in this.

Was there even a small percentage of you that was like, hey, maybe I just got lucky this year?

Ah, I was hoping, but there's, yeah, I'm an idiot.

I don't know.

17 minutes later.

Yeah.

I mean, I think that saying, I forgot is a completely acceptable reason.

Yeah.

I think it is.

You know what's funny?

I looked at my phone and I saw the

text that was like, hey, it's open.

We're good.

All right.

And I was like, okay, all right, great.

And I felt like I literally checked my phone five seconds later and then, boom, here I am 17 minutes late.

You blacked out.

Yeah, because I sent the text right at the beginning of the window saying, hey, we are now officially open for Blake of the Year, just so you guys were all aware.

And then, yeah, it just, you blacked out.

I'm going to blame it on the bad Wi-Fi.

Okay.

That's the excuse I'm going with.

That's what I'm going to stick with.

Good excuse.

You also have a fair excuse.

You are literally playing in a golf major this week, and the other two Blakes are currently unemployed.

So

that's a big difference.

I do have that going for me.

Yes.

I do have that going, that I'm still an active participant in a sport.

How are you feeling about this weekend?

I feel good.

I feel good.

I swear we're going to, if I win this week, we're going to have to organize all the Blakes get together.

All of us get together.

Because we're coming to Chicago, I think, soon.

Yeah, I actually, I'm going to say this right now.

I think if you win the Open Championship, you win Blake of the Year this year.

I think Blake Griffin should agree to that.

I think Blake Griffin should agree to that.

Hold on, I'll call him real quick.

I think he would say that's fair.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm going to call him real quick.

That would be great.

Bordos might get upset.

Because Bordeaux was about two seconds after Blake Griffin this year.

He didn't win, so he doesn't

close.

Yeah, I'm going to say that I definitely called first.

It's just the Wi-Fi's battle.

Blake, we're talking to Brooks right now.

Literally just called in two minutes ago.

This is 100% your call.

I do not want to force you into anything, but I have proposed the idea that if Brooks Kepka wins the Open Championship this weekend, he officially gets your Blake of the Year title this year.

Are you willing to do that?

20 machine.

Okay.

Okay, big deal.

So he's got a chance.

He's got a redemption.

I'm not dead.

I love it.

He's not dead.

You're playing for something bigger than yourself this weekend.

Oh, absolutely.

You're playing for Black.

I'm playing for all the Blake.

I would like, at some point in the interviews, I would like acknowledgement.

Okay, yeah, yes.

That's fair.

That's totally fair.

That's totally fair.

I think it literally might just be a mic drop.

I got to acknowledge at least Ricky Elliott, my caddy.

Yeah.

It doesn't have to be like the

course interview, but you know, in the the press conference or something.

Yeah, he just said in the press conference.

He said it doesn't all have to be on the course.

It can be in the press conference.

Whatever.

I literally would just say Blake Griffin and then walk right out.

Yeah, no, all you got to say is, and this means that I'm now Blake of the Year.

Thank you to Blake Griffin for so generously giving me this opportunity.

Verbatim, that's what it'll be.

Okay.

All right.

All right.

We're good.

Thank you, Blake.

All right.

I mean, what a story.

What a story this would be.

Yeah.

Blake of the Year is not.

We've decided it, but it's still open.

Yeah.

Oh, man.

I'm rooting so hard.

I'll tell you what.

Tiger Woods, Jack Nicholas, Arnold Palmer, they've never won a Blake of the Year on the same day they won a major.

Yeah.

No, that's beautiful.

That's very true.

Yeah.

I mean,

that would be the, if I won this week, that would be the seventh major.

Yeah,

you got to hold up seven and have everyone be confused.

Like, what the fuck?

He's only got six.

No, he's got six.

I've never wanted to win a golf tournament so bad.

All right.

Well, Brooks, thank you.

You're the best.

Best of luck this week.

And we're rooting for you hard.

Yeah.

No, I'm rooting for myself very hard right now.

All right.

All right.

See you, man.

All right.

See you, boys.

Okay.

I think we're done, right?

Yep.

No.

Oh.

No, we're not.

What?

We got one more award.

Oh, PFT, let me ask you real quick the ROBAC question, R-H-O-B-A-C.com, promo code TAKE, 20% off your first purchase.

Q-zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts, rowback.com, promo code take.

What's the last award?

The last award of the takeies is the Podcast Listeners of the Year Award.

Ooh.

Now we've got

some huge nominees.

We've got one that has just been a constant mainstay, and that's the award-winning listeners.

Part of my take.

They've won eight takeies.

Eight takeies.

Eight takeies.

Bad for the league.

Bad.

Very bad.

We've got Talk Tua.

The Talk Tua fans have been nominated for Podcast Listeners of the Year.

They followed their leader off the cliff.

They got rug-pulled.

Yep.

Great podcast, though.

Really enjoy TalkTua.

I consider myself a TalkTua boy.

Also nominated for Podcast Listeners of the Year award are the MD Foodie Boys fans.

Yes.

Great podcast.

Highly recommend.

Give them a shot.

Snackrap.

The snack wrap.

Good.

Good.

Awesome review, Hank.

Two Poppies.

Their listeners have been nominated for a personal cats.

I forget who they are.

They are the Arizona State Frat Boys.

And remember the clip

they were boys and they fought?

The boys, yeah.

And they threw hands?

Yeah, but they were.

But you said they were boys?

They were boys, yeah.

No fucking way.

We have another nominee for the podcast and listeners of the year award.

That is the Daddy Gang.

Daddy Gang just stays winning.

Daddy Gang doing everything to support their girl Alex, including giving a massive round of applause at Wrigley Field during the seventh inning stretch.

Just an incredible scene for everybody.

And our final nominee for the Podcast Listeners of the Year Award: it's one guy.

One single guy.

The guy who clips parts of the episodes of Part of My Take, whenever we mention Darren Revelle's name, and then sends it to Darren Revelle.

That guy is also nominated.

Okay.

And the winner for the 2025 Podcast Listeners of the Year.

It's a nine, Pete.

Wow.

It's a nine, nine, Pete.

The AWLs have it again.

Just dominance.

Dominance in the field of listening to podcasts.

Fuck yes.

We do appreciate each and every one of you.

I was thinking about you guys earlier today.

How lucky I am.

I do think about it all the time.

Oh, yeah.

The best job in the entire world.

I am the luckiest man on the face of the earth because I get to do this podcast with my friends, and there are so many people that listen to it, and it's remarkable.

And I love you guys more than you love me.

I promise you that.

I appreciate each and every one of you.

And it means the world to myself and to everybody else who's lucky enough to work on Part of My Take that you guys are out there.

So shout out to you guys.

Couldn't do without you.

Love you.

Well-deserving.

Listen,

PFT said it, but it is the greatest job ever.

And I was actually thinking about it as well because we have to write this book, and AWS do have to buy it now that they've won nine in a row.

But it's like, it's pretty crazy, especially in the media business and everything that goes on.

And it's a hard business to be in.

And there's people who lose their jobs, get their jobs, new shows, all this stuff,

to do the same show with the same guys for nine years and still love it just as much as day one.

And that's really the truth.

Like, we love coming in and working together, and we love doing a really stupid podcast for all of you that listen and watch.

And can't thank you enough because you guys are,

you you are the reason why we have uh this and you are the reason why we get we do it every single day for you guys and uh if it weren't for your support uh none of this would be possible and we do not take that for granted a single day and so well-deserving nine-time AWLs out there.

There's a lot of you out there that are nine times.

And even if you're a five-time, six-time, three-time, one-time, doesn't matter.

We thank you so, so much from the bottom of our hearts that you listen and you participate and you enjoy the show because we're going to keep making it for as long as we can.

I'd like to hear from the one-timers.

Yeah.

It's probably interesting to see.

Probably really confusing episode of a one-timer is actually one I'd like to be interested to hear.

I want to hear from somebody that this is their very first episode of Part of My Take that they're listening to.

Someone's girlfriend.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Shout out to you.

You just won an award.

Hit us up.

We promise not to sick Zach on you.

Zach, lady killer or lady stealer.

That's a fact.

Hank, you have anything you want to say to the nine-time AWLs?

Love you guys.

Love seeing you guys out there, supportive.

You know, say mean stuff online, but they're always nice in person.

Well, why'd you throw it

a grip online?

This is the Spotify wrapped all over it.

Yeah, what the fuck, dude?

Why'd you say the mean stuff online?

Oh, I don't know.

That's how I feel about it.

It's like sometimes people are like, oh, like people are people are mean.

It's like, I've never had a bad interaction with an AWL in person, and that is all that matters.

But also, I appreciate that they do give us shit sometimes.

We fuck up a lot.

So we're human.

When we fuck up, make fun of us.

I also don't think we know the full strength of the AWLs because we don't weaponize them.

You know what I mean?

We don't.

Memes does occasionally.

Memes does occasionally.

But we know you're there and we love you.

And even for the people that aren't online, who aren't responding or commenting, we love you and we appreciate you so much.

And you're heard and seen as well.

Max, you want to say something to the AWLs?

No, I was just...

Memes was just talking about whether he weaponizes the AWLs back here.

Oh, he does.

Yeah.

Yeah, he does.

But yeah, no, they're the best.

I love seeing you guys out in the wild all the time.

It's funny, though, because probably the number one thing that I get is fuck Hank.

So, yeah, so that's great.

And I love you guys.

I've only haven't been here for nine years, but the time that I've been here has been great.

And hopefully there's nine more years in the future.

Yeah, and more.

And more.

Yeah, yeah.

And if you do see memes out in the wild, just make sure to give him some advice on the lottery ball.

Yeah.

He appreciates it always.

But

it's a very lucky thing that we have.

And

so doing this job changed my life, changed Big Cat's life, changed Hank's life.

And from the bottom of our hearts, we really do appreciate you guys.

And we love you very deeply.

Very, very much.

Very, very much.

And you guys deserve this award because you are year in and year out.

We see the numbers.

You're there.

And you deserve it.

Okay.

We're going to do a quick, quick Fire Fest.

Before we do that, PFT, your last two ads, then we'll do lottery ball, ball and we'll send everyone on the way

for the weekend.

Incredible takeies, boys.

Incredible takeies.

I love doing this takey show.

Action Pact.

The Action Pact.

A lot of guest presenters, guest acceptors.

I still am laughing about

the Canadian summit of Oldie and Biz.

Should we accept this award now?

I don't know.

It seems like it's a two-faced deal.

I don't know.

Okay, busy, busy.

They're great.

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Okay, Fire Fest, real quick.

Hank.

Not too bad.

More of an Ice Fest.

Ice Fest.

I over

it's nothing crazy, but just drunk purchase.

That was

one of the probably top, top-tier, worst drunk purchase I've ever made.

I think I bought a bean bag once drunk that was like four times too big than I thought, and it filled up.

I lived in a loft that filled up my entire loft space.

You ever break one of those?

A bean bag?

Yeah.

No.

Yeah.

It's pretty good.

Shout out my college friend Tommy.

He cut one out of anger, and it literally takes forever to clean up.

Yeah, that sounds like a nightmare.

But over 4th of July break, our co-worker Francis made a video.

He's like, I bought this ice maker.

It makes like clear cubed ice.

And I was blasted.

I don't even remember ordering it, but I like, you know, clicked the link, ordered one for myself.

I came home.

I was like, Francis, what is this?

And he's like, it was like 400 bucks.

So it was like, it'll change your life.

It's the best ice you'll ever have.

If you drink old fashions, which I don't, and I don't really drink, like, I don't make drinks at my house.

But he's like, if you drink old fashions, it'll change your life.

It's these big

clear ice cubes.

You don't drink the drink that you need it for, but you still.

Correct.

Okay.

This is after I bought it.

I was like, I got home.

So why'd you saw the package?

Because I was drunk.

I really don't know.

I came home, didn't know what it was, opened it, and I was like, oh, I think Francis posted a video about this.

I was like, Francis, what is this?

Like, is this ice going to change my life?

He's like, yeah.

It's great for old fashions.

It's like the, you know, the ice, the big ice cubes that you'd buy at a cocktail bar.

Okay.

Super clear.

And I now am owner of one of those.

And you don't use it?

I have used it.

It takes eight hours to make a single.

It takes eight hours to make four cubes.

Four cubes?

Eight hours?

You can just get an ice tray with four cubes in it and put that in the freezer.

That's cloudy cubes, though.

That's

fair point.

Got you there.

And guy like you that needs your cubes clear, that's just not going to cut it.

Yeah.

So that I've just been, I've thought about returning it, but it's like, what am I, am I going to return something?

Probably not.

Am I ever going to use this?

Doubtful.

I have just been making ice like every day and just putting them in my freezer so I have big cubes, but really, I thought it was like, oh, this will be cool to have.

It's not.

It's pointless.

Can I put you on a different ice maker?

I might have to become an old-fashioned guy.

No, no, I know.

No, but Hank,

I have an ice.

I have

listen to me.

No, hear them out.

Hear me out.

Hear them out.

You have a four-cube eight-hour maker.

I used to sell ice makers, by the way.

Of course you did.

Yeah.

Hank, I've got an ice maker that will change your life.

This thing, it's like the sonic ice, and it's on your countertop.

It's soft.

It's chewy.

It makes it really, really fast.

It makes probably like six or seven glasses at a time.

Is it cloudy?

No, it's

it's clear, but it's the tiny, soft little pebble ice, the nugget ice.

And you can get that on your countertop for the little price of about 300 bucks.

I got one ahead of Thanksgiving this year, had some people over.

It was the biggest hit.

I can't go and get the four figures on ice.

I think you haven't seen it.

Financially, I.

Does your refrigerator not make ice?

Oh, no, it does.

Oh, I was going to say, like, what are we talking about?

It's cloudy ice, though.

The one that you bought, you said, was like 400 bucks.

I'm selling you one for 300 bucks.

Wait, so I've been just using cloudy ice?

Yeah.

Sorry, so cloudy.

Oh, fuck.

Getting air bubbles everywhere.

Yeah.

Damn it.

No, this will change your life, Hank.

Get the soft, get the pellet ice.

Text me.

I'll shoot you a text this week when I'm drunk, and then maybe you do that pitch again, and I'm in.

I'm probably just going to send you a link at like 12:30 on Friday night.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Friday.

Yeah, don't do Saturday.

He's going to be watching UFC.

That's true.

Well, Friday's also a weekday, so I don't know if he's going to be drunk.

That's true.

Colonel Cups game.

Okay, so you're going to be drunk.

Good Fire Fest.

Great Fire Fest.

Ice Fire Fest.

Can you please make a video of you making the ice?

I'd like to see him.

Do you want a time-lapse?

Yeah.

Eight-hour time-lapse?

Can you put a GoPro inside as it freezes?

Yeah.

Well, yeah.

I've had some failed missions.

I'm like two for four on successfully making it because it makes it over the course of eight hours, but if you don't take it out in a certain amount of time, it melts.

And so you have to time it up perfect.

How many old-fashions has Francis drink?

I guess a lot.

I I have literally never, I've drank it in old-fashioned.

Maybe with you, like you've ordered one.

I'm like, hey, I'll get one of those too.

I have never made one.

I don't even know what, how to make one.

And I don't want to make one.

I don't even like old-fashions.

Wait, why don't you just set up the ice maker before you go to bed and then when you wake up?

That's what I've been doing, but the timing sometimes.

Oh, 10 hours sleeping.

No, or it's less.

But yeah.

Okay.

It sounds like a job for the cream team.

Give icy, give Zach the iceberg.

I also don't, but I have like eight cubes in my freezer.

I'm good.

I'm cubed up.

So you freeze the cubes,

then you move them to your freezer, and then they stay in the freezer.

Yep.

Do they get cloudy in the freezer?

Nope.

They stay clear.

Yeah.

All right.

That's a good purchase.

Nope.

Okay.

My firefest of the week is spider-related.

Hank, you might be interested in this, or you might have some advice for me.

I was down in my basement the other day, and I was taking a big shit.

And as I'm taking the shit, I see a giant spider that's walking across the floor.

And I'm in the position where I'm physically shitting.

There is shitting happening at this point.

So I can't get up.

I'm just looking at the spider as it's crawling across the floor.

It was big.

It was brown.

It looked mean.

I took a picture of it.

And it just keeps walking.

And all I want to do is get up, grab it with some toilet paper, and then flush it because this thing is fucked up.

But I'm shitting.

So I'm at the point where I actually can't get up and do that.

By the time I finally end taking the shit, the spider has disappeared behind my sink.

It's nowhere to be found.

So I took a picture of the spider.

There are websites that you can go on to where you can upload pictures of a spider that you took, and it'll identify what kind of spider it was.

Okay.

It's a brown recluse.

Ooh.

I had a brown recluse in my bathroom.

I had every opportunity to kill it and flush it.

And it's somewhere now.

It went away.

What do I do?

Spider expert?

Yeah, I mean,

I got some ammo, like firepower, if you want to keep it strapped in your bathroom.

I have a, I have, shout out to my dad, he got it for me.

It's like a big fighter, spider-repellent spray gun.

Yeah.

That, you know, whenever I, whenever there's a sign of a spider, I just go out and just

fire away.

Is it spray or is it?

It's spray.

Okay.

And it's, it's strong spray.

Kills them on contact.

Well, my problem isn't that I'm afraid of killing the spider.

I'll kill the spider.

This is like it's preemptive.

Like I used to, I spray every corner.

Like I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm on the outside.

No, no, outside.

Outside, yeah, yeah.

It's been a two-year battle, but I think I'm.

You spray the outdoors with spider repellent?

Yeah.

I spray.

We better stay inside.

You're just carpet-bombing your balcony.

Yes.

Okay.

My problem, though, is that.

Well, they're outside on the other side, but it's like if they want to come towards my balcony, they're going to be like, nope.

So I went looking for the spider after I finished taking the shit in the bathroom.

I looked everywhere.

I opened up the medicine cabinet.

I looked under the sink.

I saw that there are pipes that aren't necessarily like fully fitted to the wall.

So there's a small gap that a spider could easily go into.

I think the spider might have just gotten out of town.

I think it just might be like living in my walls right now.

Shit.

Waiting to come out.

Yeah, that's scary.

Scary.

You have to move.

I think I have to burn the house down.

Yeah.

It's going to be like Vesuvio.

Yeah, you got to.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, it was not a pleasure.

Why didn't you ask?

The spider, because the spider had me hostage.

I had poop that was literally coming out of my butt at that point.

You know, Big Cat, you're a poop.

You could could have used your legs.

I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm a hand in the trash bag guy.

Yeah, but you know, like, when you're taking, when the poop is happening,

what am I going to do?

Walk across the room and just drag a trail with me?

If you had known it was a brown recluse, would you have done that?

I would have pooped on the spider.

All right, so now you know.

If I'm sorry.

Now it can't get you.

Except for when you sleep.

If anybody happens.

Every single night.

And Blake.

Blake would probably fuck the spider up.

Blake would fuck that spider up.

He'd eat it.

He's a good boy.

Yeah.

What happens if you get bit by a brown?

Oh, it's not fatal.

Cause significant localized tissue damage and require medical attention.

I can't have that.

I've been bitten by a brown recluse before.

Oh, so you're fine.

Yeah.

Maybe I'm immune like Spider-Man.

Yeah, you're a survivor.

Okay.

My Fire Fest.

Lifespan one to two years.

Yeah, so maybe who knows?

Sweat him up.

Maybe he's two years old.

It could die.

It's at least going to be gone in one to two years.

Yeah.

That's true.

That's a great point.

If it was a baby, you got two years.

Still alive person of the year, the brown recluse spider that was in my house.

All right, my Fire Fest is pretty simple.

My body is broken.

I'm too old for some of this shit.

I did tweet that I was thinking about retirement.

Not retirement from this show, but retirement from our physical challenges.

We played, we did a six-hour stream on Tuesday night.

How many swings did we take?

200-ish.

200-plus.

And then the boys played softball on Wednesday, rallied for a big win, but oh my God, I can't walk right now.

So I'm done.

It was a lot of twisting.

It's just...

How are the hands?

Hands hurt so bad.

How's the back?

Back hurts so bad.

How's the legs?

Got a weird thing.

I made an error in the first inning in our softball game, and I felt a little twinge in my knee.

And then thankfully, I don't move fast, so I don't think I re-injured it, but I don't know what's going on there.

Yeah, my body's broken.

I don't know what to do.

I think I need to retire from sports.

We need to be a walking guy.

We got to get one of those cryo chambers.

Dude,

I got to start stretching because I did the same thing I did every single time.

When softball ended, I just got in my car, went home, got out of my car in my garage, 10-minute drive, could barely stand.

That's the thing.

You never stretch after physical activity.

Yeah.

Proud of the boys, though.

Big win in softball.

We've rallied because

it was looking bad because I couldn't hold a bat.

Holding a bat hurts right now.

Yeah, I had to be, I wore one batting glove because I just I couldn't do it.

I had too many blisters on my hand to roll it off.

That's a sick look, though.

It was.

No, it's a bad look for software.

It's kind of like Michael Jackson.

It's kind of a sick look.

Zach, do you want to finish this off?

You go to Firefest?

Very quick, Firefest.

My Firefest is showing up extremely late today and getting a text message from Big Cat at 9:30 saying, are you coming in today?

And then not knowing what to say to that and just thinking, like, all right, well, it's over.

You're not.

It's not over.

Quick, I know we don't have to talk about it, but you did go on the date and it went well.

I did go on the date.

It did go well.

Love that.

That's all you need for Lili Cap.

Was she pretty?

I would say so, yeah, 100% PFT.

She's very pretty.

I do have one question about the date.

What did you wear on the date?

I just went...

Black shirt.

Black shirt, black pants, these shoes.

I just love it.

Sneakers.

Keep it simple.

And it was a longish date.

It was a couple hours.

Yeah, love that.

Good for you, Zach.

Thank you, BK.

Excited.

Will there be a second date?

There will be a second date.

Let's go.

Yes, let's go, Zach.

Fuck yes.

That's our guy.

Do you have any thoughts on what the second date activity is going to be?

Arcade.

This is when you hit her with the arcade.

They already did the arcade.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

Arcade was day one.

Yeah, they went on two dates.

Hit her again with the arcade.

Back to back?

Just be like, we're an arcade couple.

We're either arcades or nothing.

Well, he did say that of all the games that they played at the arcade, they ended up tied.

So now you got to be like, we got to go back and figure out who's winning the arcade.

Yeah.

No, I think she might be up one.

Oh, no.

Okay.

She might be up one.

You let her win.

I was.

No, I was trying to win.

In full transparency, I was trying to win.

All right.

Happy for you, Zach.

Good job.

All right.

Memes, have you thought about

what this would be when we're doing the Takeies numbers?

Three.

99.

Wow, Max took it.

I'll take nine for our fans.

Okay.

Actually, Pug, I don't want 99.

No, you already said it.

Yeah, you already said it.

You already said it.

Scumback.

What?

We give up numbers all the time.

Scumback.

He doesn't want it.

He's not accepting it.

Yeah.

He's not accepting it.

Scumback.

Pug, that was my way of

offense for you.

I don't want your sloppy second.

Oh!

Okay.

I swear to God, I did that to beat memes to getting it so that I could give it a bad game.

You were always going to give it back.

That was the goal.

Scumback.

I don't know.

All right.

I swear to God, because you don't have the headphone, so you can't do.

You can't play the offense, so I was playing offense for you.

Scumback.

No, you can't do that.

that.

Can't do that.

Nope.

He already said it.

He already said it.

Pug, you got 99?

I'll go with a 99.

Doesn't cast.

Does it count?

It counts.

It counts.

Don't count.

Max Stray, we do pass numbers.

We pass numbers all the time.

Fuck off.

Wait, Pug, you're the president.

You get to decide.

Does it count?

You watch it.

Great point.

I'm democracy, so if the people vote

Pug has 99 all the time.

Yeah.

That's the majority.

Zach, put your hand up.

Thank you.

Bullshit.

Okay.

Then it counts.

All right.

So Hank has three.

Memes has nine.

Pug has 99.

Nope.

I'll go

11.

Six.

Six.

I'll go 11.

Okay.

That was mean.

I'll go 61.

30.

21.

Memes, have you thought about what this would be if you win the lottery ball on the takeies with number nine?

This would be incredible.

Kind of a dickhead move, honestly, stealing the thunder away from the AWL.

Yeah, the AWL should get nine.

Yeah.

I'm an AWL fan first.

You were.

You're kind of obsessive.

I like our fans, unlike Hank.

Took off his headphones.

Hank doesn't have his headphones.

He doesn't

give a fuck.

Don't laughing at him right now.

Look at that face.

That head turn.

Don't go laughing at him.

He doesn't have no idea.

82.

Love you guys.

What did he say?

I like our fans, I'm like King.