We Finally Finish Our Previous Dungeons and Dragons Campaign With Timm Woods And Nick Turani

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On today's part of my take, it is Tim Woods with us.

And we're going back into the realm.

We're going to do some Dungeons and Dragons.

We are on vacation.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

So Nick is here.

We've got Max, Hank, PFT, and myself, and Tim Woods Woods bringing us on a great journey.

One of the best ones we've done.

Really good teamwork on this.

Really good teamwork.

Really good teamwork.

So very excited for everyone to listen.

Again, we're on vacation.

We'll be back on Monday with an episode with Rosillo.

But this is our once-a-year or twice-a-year Dungeons and Dragons vacation, and it's Tim Woods.

It's the best.

So get excited to go into the land of

Tim Woods.

Land of Tim Woods.

I can't remember what the name of the place is called.

Narnia.

Narnia.

We're going to Narnia.

We're bringing Tim Woods with us.

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Okay,

let's go.

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Today is Friday, February 14th.

Happy Valentine's Day, boys.

Happy Valentine's Day.

I love you guys.

I love you guys.

I love you guys.

Love you guys.

We don't say it enough.

We don't.

So, Valentine's Day special treat, Tim Woods.

We're going to be going off into the Dungeon and Dragons world with Tim Woods, Nick, Max, myself, PFT, and Hank.

Watch this on YouTube because the outfits that we rock.

Please and subscribe to the YouTube.

Okay, let's kick it to ourselves with Tim Woods.

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Okay, here he is: Tim Woods and Dungeon and Dragons.

Okay, we are back.

It is Dungeon and Dragons time.

We have Tim Woods here.

We're very excited to get back into our mission.

If you are listening to this on the podcast, you can go watch the video because we have an incredible set.

We're all dressed up.

Let's go around the room just for our podcast listeners.

We'll start with Max.

Max, Nick are both here.

Max, why don't you say who you are and what you're dressed as?

I am Hippo Maximus, the human druid, and I am dressed as Shredder.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Universe.

Yes.

That's awesome.

I am Greg, G-R-E-G, the Human Paladin, and I am dressed as Shredder from T-M-N-T.

Oh, wow.

I am Wayne, the

Hill Dwarf Bard.

And today, imagine my surprise when I came up here and I'm also dressed as Shredder.

Holy shit, we got three Shredders.

That guy from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.

Yeah, I'm Norm, the Human Barbarian, and we obviously didn't talk about this before because we should have planned better.

I'm also Shredder.

Embarrassing at this point.

Yeah, and I'll

complete the five.

So I'm Ehrlich the No Morlock,

and I am Leonardo from...

Oh, no.

Shredder's just one turtle?

I was excited to finish this mission together.

This is the first time we made it two episodes, and we really bonded last time, and I was led astray before we finished.

gonna stop us from bonding today yeah we're gonna let's all stay together well maybe let's give some context for the ninja turtles maybe they don't know the the lore yeah there's four ninja turtles yep so we got four costumes for ninja turtles um i think someone was gonna i think max was gonna be april o'neal uh but accidentally we all

We all end up being Shredders, who is the bad guy.

Yeah, Nick actually texted me like a picture over the weekend of an avatar.

He's like, oh, I got my costume all set.

Yeah.

I was like, nice.

But listen, we're all gonna stay together.

Um, I think the number one rule is all stay together, number two rule is shredders definitely stay together until the end, yeah, yeah.

And the number two rule might be number one.

Well,

it's fluid, they can feel

where the priority goes.

If you've ever watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Shredder is in every episode, the Ninja Turtles are in like every episode, they never actually kill each other, yeah, they just fight,

they fight, all right.

So, Tim, welcome back.

Thanks for having me back.

It's good to be back.

It's It's awesome.

Is that a horn?

This is my Ranger garb.

You can kind of think of a Ranger as, I would say, like a medieval shredder a little bit.

I'm sure.

Fuck yes.

And as we pointed out, we did in our last session for the first time both get to the end of the adventure for that day, and no one had gotten killed.

So I don't know if that will hold up today or not, but I'm very excited.

There's just so many shredders.

We did end things on a very exciting cliffhanger last time.

We did decide that we would do the extended version of the Forge of Fury adventure where we completed level one, but now we are discovering there is more to the adventure.

I don't expect anybody to remember anything from last time.

It's been six months.

I had to rewatch the episode, so I will give us some highlights of what happened last time.

I first want to say that Norm the Barbarian, just a reminder, did go to the bar and chug the boot in record time.

That was a big part of the beginning of last time, and won over the hearts and souls of all of the dwarves in the town of Blasingdale by setting a new record on chugging.

So big celebrity in town for sure.

Also, just for clarification, Norm the Barbarian, aka Shredder 4.

Shredder 4.

Absolutely.

Working our way down the Shredders.

Absolutely.

You're You're keeping scored home.

Absolutely.

Greg with 2G's, the Paladin, I did want to remind you that you did get some good information and potions and stuff when you went to the local temple.

You also did get a husband as well.

You did put a wedding ring on the high priest.

That was the door.

It was totally accidental.

It was totally accidental.

He accidentally was like, oops, we are married now.

And he is now escorting you.

on your advice.

I promise that won't happen.

No shit like that will happen again.

Definitely not.

And it's not only

the high priest who I'm naming Horngrim.

Horngrim, your husband, is with you, as well as your moth.

Don't forget, you have a big moth that you ride on.

And I never asked a very important question.

That moth gets a name at some point.

So you can cook on that.

Or if you have a...

Do you have an answer?

Yeah, I was going to say maybe Shredder?

Shredder 5.

Shredder 5.

Shredder 5.

Little Shredder.

Little Shredder.

Little Shredder.

Why do I think Shredder had a mini per okay, never mind?

Little Shredder is going to be your noted moth 100%.

I wanted to make sure we remembered that, Wayne, we did meet your family, most notably,

your stepsister, who was revealed to be, in fact, not your biological sister, but your stepsister, but only after she slept with the final boss of our last adventure, the ogre great ulf.

Well, she got stuck in the window, and then he had to get her.

Yeah, but

that'll happen.

That'll happen.

I've seen a lot of footage of that.

Is that Shreddette?

That could certainly be Shreddette.

Let me just make a quick adjustment here.

Shredette was what I picked.

That's so weird.

That's so weird, Shredet.

I would have been pissed.

Absolutely.

That's so perfectly weird.

People are going to either hate it or love me.

We're all shredders.

My parents would be so upset if I brought home a not shredder.

Oh my god, yes.

My grandfather would be rolling over in his grave.

Absolutely.

She won't share the same values that we have in their giant underground tank vehicle.

And so

we may run into your family again at some point, Wayne, in this adventure.

Hippo Maximus, I wanted to remind you that you had acquired a valuable guide who helped lead us to the mountain.

That was Big Don the Eagle, who I am sorry to say did unfortunately die in their first round of combat after they rolled a one and immediately got one shot by an orc.

I also want to extend an apology.

I watched the footage.

I feel like I was gloating a little bit and having too much fun with that, but it was an epic way for Big Don the Eagle to go down.

And who knows, you might be able to acquire some new animal companions in your adventure today.

And just a reminder, you still have the ability to shape-shift into different animal forms.

Your most important druid ability.

Absolutely.

Sure, Vike.

And of course, Ehrlich, lest we forget, it was you who delivered the final fireball that killed off the remaining orcs that we were fighting and revealed that the key had been picked up by like the old orc chieftain who had not wanted to give it to the big dumb ogre who is currently sleeping with the stepsister and you had caught thanks to some inspiration from away in the key we went over we opened up the vault that held the valuable magic weapons and gold including the mighty axe of the dwarven blacksmith durgeddon only to find the vault was completely empty.

Instead, what we found was the empty vault and a secret door that had been dug up into the vault with a staircase that goes downward to level two of the Forge of Fury.

And whoever dug that tunnel clearly has taken the treasure we came here for to lay claim to.

Just a reminder also, everyone here is looking for the axe, but for very, very different reasons.

Some of us can wield it.

Some of us want to destroy the axe in order to harvest its power.

But we have not yet decided who's going to get the axe at the end of the day.

So that's what we're looking for.

We know there's a staircase leading down deeper into the dungeon where these thieves not that it was our axe really but they took it first uh they that we need to reclaim the treasure from that's our end goal not related to any of that uh if someone were to acquire this axe is it like an immunity axe like you kind of can't die if you have it it's not really an immunity axe though it does give you immense power for defeating people who might try to take the axe from you i established that both the paladin and barbarian can wield the axe our dwarven bard also being a dwarf can wield the axe whereas whereas you are maybe looking to take the axe destroy it harvest its power and gain the power of a hundred souls which would be very helpful for defeating anyone who is trying to kill you like i don't know a shredder or something like that

if any of us find the axe we share it amongst all our souls

we're both pizza like a piece of pizza 100 max i feel like your druid circle wants to get this axe we're trying to get the axe but surely it'll be very very dangerous to get there oh

i would say that we don't know exactly who took this axe, but they clearly brought it deeper into the dungeon where things get a lot more dangerous for certain.

And speaking of danger, I will also say that when we notice that the sound has died down from the ogre's bedroom, and we kind of might even check in to see what's going on in there, the ogre and your stepsister are completely missing.

We do not see them anywhere.

It's as though someone has maybe kidnapped your stepsister, perhaps.

It is unclear what has happened to them.

And you notice a bloodstain.

You look under the bed.

The ogre's dead.

Someone cut the ogre's throat.

And there are signs that there was some sort of a struggle here.

Your sister appears to be missing.

I got a question.

So someone cut the ogre's throat.

Yes.

Does anyone here have a sword?

I don't seem to.

This sounds like God, bro.

I've got a crossbow.

No, no, I'm saying physically.

Oh, no.

Are you holding it?

I was getting the key.

Oh, you have a sword.

Yeah.

Where were you getting the key from?

I got an alibi.

Okay.

I was up in the vault.

Why is there blood on your sword?

Ooh.

There's not.

Okay.

I will also say that as we're kind of pondering the staircase downward deeper into the dungeon, there is another character showing up.

We had left a few orcs alive.

There had been a shaman, a blood shaman who was no longer a threat or anything, but one orc opens up the door to where all the dead orcs in the barracks are that you had cooked with your fireball.

And this individual immediately starts talking really loudly.

They seem like a particularly weak and flimsy orc that we could defeat easily, but he starts loudly saying, oh, I want smells in here.

There's some kind of hamburgers.

And he smells the bodies.

No, not them.

And he starts walking over to us.

This orc just popped out of nowhere and he starts stiffing us.

It's not hamburgers I smell.

And he starts to smell Norm in particular.

At this point, anybody can attack this guy, but he's acting like we're not going to do anything to him.

And as he sniffs, he says, It's not hamburgers at all.

I'm smelling sliders.

My name's Poopy Stinks.

Oh, no!

But I'm also portroll.

And see, I can just smell sliders from pretty far away.

No.

I mean, smell.

The gods are favoring you all right now.

You're using sliders right now.

The gods are making things pretty easy for you, I can tell.

Watch, the shaman taught me some blood magic.

He takes a little needle and kind of like hits his palm, drips a drop of blood onto the wall.

And all of a sudden, his blood starts to move around writing on the wall.

And it says in clear common tongue, player strength.

High.

And then underneath it, the word forms monster strength, Low.

And he points and says, you guys are using sliders right now.

All the other people doing this adventure have been playing it hard mode.

Do you want to play it hard or easy mode?

Is the audience going to know if we choose to play it easy mode?

If we do it before we start the stream, they won't.

Okay.

So we don't like sliders?

In theory, we love sliders.

Yeah, we love sliders.

We just like to change them before people can see.

We just don't want people to know that we're doing sliders.

Yeah,

I want to play hard mode.

Absolutely.

You got to play hard teams.

You got to play hard teams to win.

Yeah.

You touch where it says enemy difficulty easy, and immediately it's the slider starts to move over, and now it is set to hard.

Can we all act surprised that we didn't know it was on low?

Absolutely.

100%.

Absolutely, yes.

To be the man, you got to beat the man.

Absolutely.

And you feel like the mountain shudder just a little bit.

And he says, All right, now you're playing without sliders.

Well done, well done.

I want to watch.

And Poopy Stinks is going to be following us, it seems, deeper into the mountain and maybe occasionally like insulting our performance or something like that.

Oh, shit.

But at this point, to see what order we are going to be going in today, I'm going to ask everybody to roll their D20, the 20-sided die.

And I'm going to be adding your dexterity bonuses to see what order our characters are going to go in.

Okay.

Nice.

17.

17.

Ehrlich, you have a plus two on this?

So that's a 19 total for Ehrlich.

Two.

Damn.

Two.

Okay.

We're all the same team, bro.

You don't have advantage on this yet.

So unfortunately, two plus one is just going to be a three for Norm.

I got a 15.

15, and you have a plus three on this, I believe, actually.

And so, you said 16?

15.

15.

So that is now an 18 for Wayne.

Excellent.

17.

17, and you have a plus 0 on this, I believe.

So with a 17, you'll be going right after Wayne.

And that is Greg.

And Hippo Maximus.

10.

10 for Hippo Maximus.

That's a plus one.

So you got an 11 total Hippo Maximus.

So, Ehrlich, you are actually going to be going first today.

Oh, you're good.

Very good.

Leader, leader.

Just walk out in front of us, sir.

We'll be right back.

100%.

Leader of the turtles.

100%.

All right, Hank, your last turn.

Make it count.

There is a staircase leading down deeper into the mountain, and you can even make out dusty footprints that seem to indicate the thieves did go up and down these stairs.

There's also an annoying orc slash troll named Poopy stinks around, and that's about all we're dealing with so far.

What would you like to do?

Can I

disguise myself?

You certainly could.

In fact, when we last saw you on our last adventure, you had been disguised as the orc archer who fell off the cliff when Wayne had been tantalizing him along with a mixture of money and his stepsister as bait.

So you have definitely already been in orc disguise.

You can use another spell slot to switch.

to another disguise.

I would like to do that.

What do you want to change into?

Let's go with Shredder.

Absolutely.

100%.

A Shredder suddenly appears where you had been standing, Ehrlich.

Shredder looks massive and scary.

You're a gnome, so this is sort of like you're inside of a big tent.

It's like moving around with you, but this illusion is much bigger than you.

And so you now look like Shredder 100%.

Big, scary ninja lord.

Awesome time.

Absolutely.

100%.

Hank, don't use the hard R if you're going to say Shredder.

Yeah, you're not allowed.

It's a fair word, actually.

You certainly use your action to cast disguise.

I would even say maybe that's your bonus action.

Was there anything else you want to do on your turn?

Currently, we are just all shredders, knowing I used to always tell who is what Shredder, as it were.

Five Shredders who could have seen us here.

It's incredible.

You could certainly look down the stairs, try to scout around, see what you can see.

You could head down the stairs either sneakily or in an obvious way and check out what's going on down there.

Or you could.

Could I do a burning hands, launch a cone of fire ahead of me?

You certainly

could.

However, the burning hands only goes about 15 feet.

And when you look down the stairs, you don't see anybody within 15 feet, though there could be somebody who's invisible or something like that.

It's totally up to you.

All right, so I'll just do some, I'll just scout that.

Absolutely.

That would be a perception check.

You want to roll a D20 plus your perception skill bonus, if you have a perception skill bonus.

I don't think you do.

So your wisdom modifier would just be a plus one here.

19.

19 plus 1 is a dirty 20, we would say.

And so with the dirty 20, you are immediately noticing

what is at the bottom of these stairs.

They go about 20 feet down and they open into an octagonal room.

The stairs are heading down to the north.

And then once you get to the bottom of the stairs, you can tell that straight ahead against the northern wall is a big dwarven statue holding two axes up in the air.

He's kind of armored in a sort of way that looks a little bit like a ninja lord, like maybe like a shredder possibly.

And then on the eastern side is another dwarven statue with a big axe.

On the western side, a third dwarven statue with a big axe.

In between each statue, there is a pair of doors.

So double doors on the northwest and double doors on the northeast.

Two sets of double doors with three statues interspersed between them.

However, with a 20, you can tell one important detail.

These doors are sealed and trapped in such a way that you know the statues have hinges on their

like elbows or elbows and like shoulders.

These axes will come down upon you if you try to open these doors.

So you know that before you even head down the stairs.

These are two sets of trapped doors right now.

Did you want to go try anything down there?

No, I think I'd like to keep that to myself and then maybe one of them will try and open one of the doors.

Thank you for letting me know that.

So none of us know the information I just said.

And Ehrlich, great turn.

Great turn.

Wayne, that is now your turn.

What would you like to do?

Okay,

I'm not allowed to know about the statues, right?

You don't know about the statues yet.

He hasn't said anything to you.

Okay, but I'm thinking that if we go down these steps, I'm interested to know what's in that room because it might be like where we can find the axe.

Surprise guy.

There's probably some interest.

Absolutely.

Like that, so I'm going to go down these steps.

100%.

Go ahead and roll.

Well, you don't have to roll anything to go down the steps.

If we get down the steps, you can immediately see three Dorvin statues.

You can see the doors, just don't know anything else about them.

Got it.

Would you like to examine them or?

I would like to, I get the feeling like one of these statues might have an arm or maybe the head tips back and it opens up one of the doors.

You know, like an old school trap door.

Yeah.

Maybe a speakeasy on the other side.

Absolutely.

Dude, perfect candy room?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Can I go up to all the statues and just like

move their heads around?

100%.

Roll me a D20 plus your investigation skill.

Do you have the investigation skill under skills by now?

I use a skill.

I have perception.

Perception is what you can use then in that case.

That's going to be better than whatever your investigation would have been.

But I also have sleight of hand.

Can I use my hands to the sky?

I'd allow that 100%.

Yes, definitely.

All right.

Seven.

Seven.

Plus five.

Plus five with a 12.

You are trying to wiggle these statues.

It's not working really right now, though.

There's something about the arms that might move.

I would let you try again if you want, but then if you don't succeed, you might be risking stuff.

Like you could try to really push these statues and take a risk on it.

I don't think anything bad can happen.

No.

Holy.

Okay, yeah, I'll try again.

Absolutely.

Try one more time.

Roll again.

18.

18 plus five.

Here's the thing.

At the very last minute, as you're really trying to push the arm and all of a sudden it starts to shift, you're like, wait, wait.

It's going to drop the axe on me.

You don't do that.

And instead, you get to the top of the statue.

And I like what you said about the head.

So I'm going to say the trigger for this secret door that you just discovered was shifting the head.

As soon as you tilt the head, the eastern wall behind the eastern statue starts to slide open.

It was a secret door.

But not to a speakeasy, it seems like there's another staircase now going down to the east that opens up into a big dwarven hall.

Kind of think a Moria, where the pillars seem to be disappearing into the distance.

You can tell that there is a big room down these stairs.

And you did not set off any traps.

Congratulations.

Nice.

Now that was your action.

As a bonus action, would you like to inspire any of your teammates?

Yeah, I'd love to inspire them.

So, who's up next?

In theory, it would be Greg.

Yeah, I'll inspire Greg.

Absolutely.

Just talk Greg up.

Gas up the boy.

Absolutely.

What do you say to gas him up?

I just say I scream down the hall.

My boy over there thinks you're cute.

And I point at Greg.

You shout that down the stairs?

Is that right?

Okay, 100%.

You kind of shout that, and Greg, you know, whoever's down there, they're

going to think that you're probably cute.

And so,

Greg, that's going to be insane nicer.

It's Greg's husband.

You do notice that your husband, the high priest horngrim, I'm going to roll to see how upset he is.

The higher I roll, the more he heard that.

You don't want him to be upset, though, make him a little judge?

He seems like he puts the little

horn up to his ear to try to hear what's going on.

He didn't hear that at all.

He never was.

He also healed all of us for our wounds.

He is a healer.

He can't.

We're all at full hit points.

Your husband touched us, please.

Yeah, okay.

He laid his hands upon us.

Son situation.

Yeah.

You have the best touching husband.

I want a gay divorce.

100%.

Absolutely.

I do feel like he is agreeing that like your whole marriage ceremony was accidental, but entirely legally binding.

So he's like, it's unfortunately a multi-month process to go through Dorvin divorce court.

So it's going to take a while, but we can get the process started.

And he kind of looks down a little sad if you...

If that's what you want.

Do I have like some sort of like bracers on my hands, gloves?

Yeah, I would say so.

Probably skirts fits on him.

Yeah.

I want to kill my partner.

Oh, my gosh.

You absolutely can if you want to do that.

He is looking rather sad and heartbroken, and you have a sword that you could slay him with right now.

You also have a lance.

You could

lance back.

Absolutely, 100%.

Like, so you told him you wanted divorce.

I've been lancing my husband.

He's pretty upset about it.

Do you get on your moth to charge him with the lance?

I feel like that's only right.

Absolutely.

Do you let him see it coming?

No.

Or do you just giving him a mercy killing from behind?

Roll a total of three times.

You get one advantage because you're on your moth's back.

You get another advantage because you're surprising him.

And I'll be honest, he doesn't see it coming.

So roll a D20 three times and take the highest result.

Did you pick a name for the moth yet, Nick?

It is Lil Shredder.

Lil Shredder.

Eight.

Eight so far.

Unfortunately, that might not be enough.

20.

20!

You can stop rolling.

No number better than that.

So I don't even need a dice roll for this.

Even without smiting him that is an insta kill on high priest horngrim your former you are now a widower 100 absolutely and that whittles down our list of npcs pretty nicely love it excellent you've still got little shredder the moth and lest i forget i also want to remind norm the barbarian you have magnus steel toe a dwarf who came from the bar to hang out with you he hasn't really been he escorted us to the mountain and now he's just having a good time drinking and i also just want to remind you because you may need to know remember this, Ehrlich, you do have an imp last time.

I forgot about your imp Lola.

Lola may be the difference between life and death for you today.

So just a reminder.

But Greg, your husband is now dead.

What would you like to do with the rest of your future?

Can I investigate the corpse that was left under the bed?

Oh, yes, you certainly could.

Please roll for me either an insight skill check or perception, whichever skill you have.

Do you have either of those?

I have neither.

Okay, then you would have a plus one from wisdom for investigating the crime scene here as it were.

So do I need to roll anything?

Just roll a d20 and you're adding plus one because you don't have either of those skills, just wisdom.

13 plus one.

13 plus one is a 14.

You're going to get one clue about this crime scene.

What is the thing you want to know the most here?

What direction the killer escaped from.

Ooh, interesting.

You are now noticing that somehow, maybe while we were resting and getting healed by your ex-hus your late husband,

you are noticing someone must have snuck out of the room and gone down the very stairs that we are now going down.

So they're down here ahead of us, whoever killed Great Ulf and took the stepsister.

It's really good stuff.

Well done, Greg.

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That is going to bring us to Hippo Max.

Sorry for your loss.

Next.

I'm also sorry for your loss.

Yeah.

Tragic.

Thank you.

So I'm going to want to check down those steps.

100%

you can.

We've revealed the secret door.

That was the big test in the first room.

And now you can see down the stairs, it opens up into some multi-pillar, big dwarven hall.

But from the top of the stairs, we can't see the whole room.

So you could go down the stairs.

You can make a perception check.

From the top of the stairs, you can do whatever you want.

I want to go right down those stairs.

Are you going in human form or turning into an animal first?

You might want to see what's down there before you turn into an animal.

Yeah, I would like to stay in human form for now.

That makes complete complete sense.

So you start to go down the stairs.

If I had to choose a little bit more.

It's a little early in the day and started

to leave it.

Now I'll say that.

I mean, if you morph into something else already, how can you be trusted?

Right, especially if you're not even yet, Max.

Don't try to fit in with the rest of the crowd.

Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, that's true.

Absolutely.

Now, this is an area where, because we picked a different difficulty, the AWOs who have played this adventure would be expecting you to see something.

When you get down to the bottom of the stairs, you see a dwarven hall with six pillars.

There's a bunch of dwarves leading out of here.

To the left, there's two doors on the northern wall.

To the right, there's two doors on the southern wall.

And then straight ahead on the eastern wall is a throne, a big dwarven throne with a door behind that.

Five different doors to pick from.

And there's a bunch of beds in the middle of the floor, sleeping bags around a campfire, like somebody has been hunkering down.

in here and using this as like a base of operations kind of but you don't see anybody in this room.

Though when you listen, you think you hear someone,

but you don't see them.

What would you like to do?

Is there anything?

Is there anything that I could roll to try and get more wisdom of where they could be?

Absolutely.

That would be a perception check.

Do you have the perception skill by any chance?

I do not have the perception skill.

Then you would have a plus three from your wisdom because you are a very wise character, isn't it?

So I'm rolling a D20.

D20, plus 3.

Okay.

That would be a 16.

16 plus 3 is a 19.

Here's the first thing I'm going to tell you.

You understand what's going on here.

There are people in the room with you.

They are using magical invisibility, you think.

I'm going to ask for you to roll a knowledge check for me.

You also know there are at least two, maybe three, maybe more individuals in this room.

Giving very Foot Clan vibes, I would say.

Very sneaky, very invisible.

Seems like a Harry Potter situation.

Absolutely.

Very much.

Roll me a D20 plus your nature skill.

If you can roll really well on this, you might have a clue as to who or what these people might be.

Four.

Unfortunately, all you know for sure is you think you hear the clanking of armor.

Like, whoever they are, they're not terribly sneaky, but they are invisible.

You can hear them in heavy armor, though, slowly trying to maneuver, like they might be trying to surround you right now.

You still have your action to either cast a spell or do an attack.

The problem is you don't see anybody right now.

Could I now shape into something else?

You certainly could, yes.

That would be the final thing you get to do, but you can turn into an animal if you want.

And I've put some sample animals down there, but really can turn into whatever animal you want.

You got to defend yourself.

Something with like a shell.

Mm-hmm.

If I could.

Can you still do it with night vision?

Yeah.

Like an owl?

Is there like, could I be like a snapping turtle?

You could be, yes, 100%.

Eight, you could turn into a giant snapping turtle that would be the size of a human, if not a little bit bigger, with a big, spiky shell.

And a pretty powerful bite attack, I would say, as well.

If I didn't think about snapping turtles, you turn into a big turtle.

You're like looking around, like, where are they?

Where are they?

And you even hear somebody like whisper, like, oh, shit, under their breath as they see you change into this terrifying animal.

Gonna put snapping turtle down here so I remember.

Best of all, if you take any damage in this form, you lose the turtle hit points.

But if you get knocked out of turtle form, if you go down to zero hit points in turtle form, you just turn right back into a human droop.

Back to Shredder.

Back into Shredder, 100%.

My true self.

How am I, but Max is making me very angry right now looking at him.

Yeah, yeah, no, it's okay.

Something about how you look

just makes me want to kill you.

There's something about snapping turtles.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

Now, at this point,

actually, no, not yet.

Something else is going to happen first.

Magnus Steeltoe, your good dwarven friend, is by our side right now.

Would you like to send him down, or would you like to hold him back or have him do something else?

He's ready to start heading down the stairs.

I'm with all the guys right now.

You are?

Yeah, send him down.

Absolutely.

He goes rushing down, and it is right after he comes rushing down that all of a sudden, from behind one of the pillars, a crossbow bolt comes flying out right at Magnus.

I am going to say, this is an attack against him.

It actually just barely misses Magnus, luckily.

Magnus come back.

Absolutely.

And we see whoever fired that is now visible.

We see what looks like a giant-sized dwarf of some kind with gray skin and white hair who disappears behind the pillar, but only because he's hiding behind it now.

You know, he was invisible.

He is no longer invisible.

Actually, because he was invisible, I need to roll a second time to see if he hits Magnus.

No, he still doesn't hit Magnus, luckily.

Then, suddenly behind you,

an axe comes down upon your shell, again with advantage, because he's invisible.

And you see that, nope, just barely a miss against you because you have a turtle shell.

It is just barely deflecting off your shell.

A big dwarf in armor, again, gray skin, white hair, and he tries to retreat away from you.

The moment he does, you get a free attack against him, Hippo Maximus.

You can roll me a D20 plus five

because you can snap at the moment.

There's something about turtles that are just such a point of attack here.

12.

12 plus your snapping turtle form would have a plus five.

That is just barely a hit against this guy.

Well done.

You need a 16 or higher.

So roll 2d6, the cube shape to die.

Add him up and add plus 4.

Okay.

And this will be the guy with the axe.

A five.

Okay.

And then the next one will be

a four.

A four and a five is nine plus another four is going to be thirteen.

You can tell this guy with the axe continues retreating.

He's not quite halfway dead yet.

And this guy looks pretty tough.

Anyone who's looking at these two gray-skinned dwarves can immediately roll a d20.

If you roll well enough, you might know who it is we are fighting right now.

Go ahead.

I roll.

Are we all looking at it?

Everybody can.

100%.

Everybody who is down there right now, which I would say at this point, is everybody.

I got a four.

Absolutely.

I got a two again.

Uh-oh.

I roll a one.

Uh-oh.

Boys.

I got a three.

Three.

Wow, absolutely.

And Vax.

Wait, I'm also going.

You also can try.

The problem is you can't communicate because you're in turtle form.

Turtle for sure.

Turtle plus turtles.

That's a problem.

That would be be a six.

A six is not enough still.

I think we've combined all of our numbers.

That's not enough.

You wanted us to roll a D60?

A D20.

Oh, I was rolling a D.

I was rolling.

No, sorry, not the D6.

That would be the great roll then on the D6.

You want to roll one D20 to see if you're.

And you add a plus two for your nature skill as well, right?

Seven.

Seven, I am sorry to say, no one knows.

They seem like they are evil dwarves.

They have gray skin, white hair, and their eyes are really creepy.

No pupils or irises.

Pure white and as they are fighting us they look like they are vicious and much larger than a dwarf should be at this point uh uh uh norm if you could just roll for magnus as well since he's not dead he might know what's going on here

Two again.

Two again.

Two, two, three.

He has advantage on this because he's a dwarf.

Of course,

you can roll a second time as well because you're also a dwarf.

12.

12.

He might know something about this.

Okay.

And then Wayne, let's see if you also know.

That's a leaner.

Yeah, cocked die.

Absolutely.

Roll again 100%.

Is that what I think it is?

I don't know.

Or is that cocked again?

I think it's condogen.

I think I double cocked.

I double-cocked it.

Okay, fair enough.

Fair enough.

That's a four-night.

Okay, so I'll say it wasn't.

Here's a little point.

It was almost a 40-year-old.

We get the name from Magnus Steeltoe.

I'll just say Horngrim might have known the exact answer to this automatically, but he knows that there are different types of dwarves.

There are mountain dwarves, there are hill dwarves, and then there are what is known as the deep dwarves, the dwaygar.

They are evil dwarves who instead of delving down into the earth, come up from the deepest levels of the underdark and make war upon their surface brethren, the good dwarves who live on the surface.

The Dwaygar must have come creeping up from below, burrowed their way into the vault, and it is very likely that they are the ones who have stolen the treasure that we are looking for.

Dwaygar would love to get their hands on things like axes and magic weapons created by their surface brethren.

And so we know we are fighting some evil dwarves who have the ability to magically enlarge themselves and turn invisible.

And so that was Magnus Steeltoe and then the Dwaygar on their turn.

Horngrim is out of initiative.

So Poopy Stinks the Orc starts going, oh, you guys, you got to start killing them.

Do better, do better.

And Norm, we are up to you now.

What would you like to do?

You know me.

Damn.

Norm, the barbarian, aka Shredder 4.

I got bloodlust.

I want to kill.

100%.

Who do you want to kill?

I want to kill Poopy Sticks.

Yeah.

And we got to make this.

We got to go back to easy.

Absolutely.

We'll go sliders back to easy.

Absolutely.

Yes.

100%.

You immediately ready your axe.

You go, Yeah, get them, get them.

And before he even realizes what you're doing, you're already pivoting in midair and going to hack into Poopy Stinks.

Yeah, go ahead and you already have advantage.

You get to roll the d20 two times because you're surprising him.

But let me ask, are you also going reckless?

I'm going reckless.

Then you can roll three times on this attack.

14.

14, absolutely.

16.

16 is great.

100%.

15.

15.

So with the 16, and I think you have a plus like 7 on your attack.

That's a 23.

And Poopy Stinks goes, no, my armor's higher too, because you set the difficulty to, ah, and it's still enough to hit him.

Well done.

You are hitting him, but I know how many hit points he has currently.

Go ahead and roll 2d6 plus 6 damage.

Assuming, of course, you are raging right now.

That is the D6.

Bingo.

You want to roll that two times and add six to the total.

One.

That's bad.

That's not great.

That's bad.

Seven damage so far.

Four.

Four.

Four.

That's 11 damage total.

And at this difficulty, Poopy Stinks had 10 HP.

He is just barely slain with your first attack.

Well done.

And immediately, I will let you touch the bloodstain and move.

Touch it.

Going back to easy, boys.

We don't have Poopy Stinks in.

We're going to eat up our ass anymore.

You can now tell

the Dwaygar with the axe is halfway dead now, everybody.

Congratulations.

The hind point bar just went down.

Well done.

Suck my dick, goofy sounds.

Absolutely.

And nothing more satisfying than getting to kill people that we can't normally kill over the internet.

And so, Norm, that was only your first attack.

You still have one more attack.

Okay.

Who would you like to deliver it to?

There's one Dwaygar who is now, thanks to you, halfway dead.

All right, we gotta...

I gotta kill the Dwaygar right now.

You can also see a full strength Dwaygar pointing a crossbow at us.

Oh.

So you can go after either one.

You'll easily probably be able to kill the one.

Let's take the crossbow guy because then you guys can clean up.

There's one Dwaygar full strength crossbow, one Dwaygar half-strength.

Correct.

Let's go for the full strength.

Wait, wait, he's ready to shoot?

Which one is he's not ready to shoot yet, but he's gonna on his next turn.

Which one is Hostage?

Do we know?

Currently, the one with the crossbow.

I like Hostage.

Yeah, Hostage.

Can we get the

half guy, half guy?

You can take him prisoner.

Do you want to kill the crossbow guy first?

Yeah.

And then take the weak one.

Okay.

Kill the weak one and then convince the other guy and be like, look, we'll do that to you.

Kill the strong one, convince the weak one.

Okay.

If you kill their allies, it usually makes them easier to surrender.

And like Pokemon, they're easier to catch if they're a little gay.

Okay, so let's kill the strong one.

Absolutely.

Before I do that, though, can I just.

I got a friend who's, and he's had a tough go of it.

Can I just lightly kiss Greg on the lips?

You certainly can as you run down.

100%.

You'll be running right by him to get to the Dwayne guard.

So just a quick bonus.

I'll say as part of your raging bonus action.

What do I roll if I get hard?

Roll me a D20 if you get a 20.

Four.

Four.

No, you're pretty soft, actually.

It's pretty sorry.

This usually doesn't happen to you.

It'll happen.

My husband just died.

You can tell me if you feel like you should be rolling a second time.

Like if there's double the chance you might have advantage on this as it were and you won't roll again.

But that's up to you to decide.

If you think your character would like it, then you have to roll again.

I'm sorry to say.

It's just like 10 minutes.

Absolutely.

It always works.

Not as soft as you were before, but it's like half chubby.

It's very close.

So yeah, let's go ahead and kill you.

It's a great kiss, though.

Solid kiss.

And you can run to the crossbow Dwaygar at the other side of the room.

Norm, the moment you do, suddenly as you are crossing the distance to get into melee with him, another

invisible Dwaygar tries to plant a pair of axes into your back as you run past the pillar that he was hiding behind.

I'm sorry to say.

Going to

hit you with the first one.

And actually, he gets another roll because you're going reckless right now.

No, okay, didn't crit.

But he hits you with the first one.

And then the second one is going to be

another hit.

I am am sorry to say.

That's two separate hits with two separate hand axes.

And he is going to get for the first hand axe a total of

looks like it's going to be five plus three, eight damage.

I can handle that.

You're raging.

You don't take eight damage.

You take four damage from the first attack.

The second attack would have been 11, gets halved down to five.

So you took nine damage in all.

You still have 50 HP left out of your 59 right now you're fine but partially because of the slide and so you are absolutely able to either turn back on this guy and attack him or go for the full strength guy with the crossbow but now you know there's two Dwaygar with full strength not just one I turn back on the guy I mean he just hit me you gotta defend yourself Yeah, otherwise they're all gonna think you're a bitch.

Yeah, yeah, all right.

I'm gonna turn around and fuck this guy up.

Absolutely.

Go ahead and roll with your reckless attack two times and take the higher number.

17.

19 is a hit already, but let's see if you crit.

19!

17, and even better, you are definitely hitting him for

2d6 plus 6 damage with your great sword.

4.

4.

Uh, two.

Two.

So six plus six is 12 damage on the Dwaygar with his double hand axes.

He's very much like a Dwaygar ranger, you think, with double hand axes and like his cloak thrown up like he's an extra sneaky Dwaygar.

So he actually has a little less hit points than the others.

12.

Okay.

He's halfway dead for him.

Well done.

We got two half-dead Dragars.

Exactly right.

100%.

Well done on your turn, Norm.

That's both of the attacks that you get.

And then Ehrlich, that is going to bring us back around to the top of initiative with you.

At some point, the Dwagar are going to go.

We actually got a lot of us in a row before they get a chance to.

And do I get, does Lola get to attack as well?

Yes.

Thank you for remembering that 100%.

Lola absolutely gets to attack.

Lola also is the other person here who definitely has the invisibility

spell.

So she, I'm going to assume, is invisible right now at the beginning of combat.

And so she'll have advantage on stinging anybody that she can see.

But unfortunately, being invisible does not mean you can see other invisible people.

I also, it says here it can shapeshift.

I would like to, it can shapeshift into a raven, spider, rat.

I think it's a rat.

She's in rat form right now, though.

She can be invisible in rat form either way.

Are you Master Squin?

Are you Master Swift?

Absolutely.

I hate

I fucking hate Master Splinter.

Yes.

Absolutely.

You don't know who Master Splinter is?

Yeah, I do.

Oh, you do?

What am I doing?

So if you're going to have her go attack, who do you want her to attack?

The guy with the hand axes, the guy with the big axe, or the guy with the crossbow?

Crossbow.

Absolutely.

100%.

You're going for the guy, full strength with the crossbow.

Roll me, since she's invisible in rat form, roll me with advantage a D20.

Two times and take the higher number.

That'd be one.

Ooh, okay.

Good thing she's invisible.

18.

18.

18, there you go.

She has a plus five to hit.

So with a 23, you're hitting the guy with the crossbow.

For

one D4 plus 3 damage with a stinger, a scorpion stinger.

And I'm going to say he's coming out of the rat tail for sure.

So it'd be the D4.

It is the pyramid-shaped die.

You're looking for the number on top.

One.

Ooh, I'm sorry to say with a plus three, that's four damage against him so far.

But then the poison kicks in.

I would like you to please roll for me three D6s in all and add them up.

That's a lot of poison damage.

That's three.

Three.

Six.

Three.

Three.

Okay, six to four.

Four.

Four.

Okay, so ten damage.

Unfortunately, Dwaygar being dwarves, the dwarves in our group would know they have advantage on saving throws against the poison.

So they're going to try to shake it off.

First is not a success, but let's try the second roll.

That is enough to succeed.

They're taking half that damage, so five.

And then Dwaygar are dwarves who take half damage from poison also.

So it drops down to just two damage instead, I am sorry to say.

So that Dwagar with the crossbow took six points of damage.

They're not halfway dead just yet.

But that was only Lola's turn.

Lola is now visible, and you can tell that this guy's reaching for a hammer on his back to try to hit Lola and dropping his crossbow.

Do you want to do anything to him?

Yeah, I would like to Eldritch Blast.

Absolutely.

Eldritch Blast is a huge move for you.

That's two attacks.

Do you want to aim them both at this guy with the crossbow?

Yeah, I can't let him take out Lola.

So you roll me one D20 plus six, I believe.

Eight.

Eight plus six, I'm sorry to say, is not a hit against this guy.

Just barely a miss by two points.

Now, to be fair, you have an ability that could save you here.

You have something called Dark dark ones blessing you get to add a d10 to one roll But once you do it you oh you're it's used up for the whole day.

All right

you save it you get another blast roll that other blast now d20 plus six come on

18 18 plus 6 is a solid hit.

Go ahead and roll for the damage 1 d10.

That's this weird shaped one right here.

D10 plus 3.

Bingo

Two.

Two plus three is five more damage.

Brings the one with the crossbow up to 11 damage.

That is just a few points shy of being halfway dead for the one with the crossbow.

But so far, so good.

You piled up some damage on that one Dwaygar.

Well done.

And Ehrlich, anything else you wanted to do on your turn?

Commanding Lola was the bonus action.

Your action, you could move a little bit and open up a door if you wanted to, but I don't know if now is the right time for that.

Yeah, I think I think we're good.

Absolutely, 100%.

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Then, Wayne, that is going to bring us to you.

Great work.

Next, what would you like to do?

Okay,

so

I can do my level threes.

You can, absolutely.

Those are your most powerful spells.

Now, you each really only get one of those per day.

Okay, that's fine.

I would like to hypnotize all the invisible enemies in the room.

Oh,

with the exception of the one who is halfway damaged that we want to take hostage.

I will point out that your hypnotic pattern ability is a great way to take a prisoner because it won't kill anybody.

It'll just hypnotize them.

And then you can decide: do you kill them while they're hypnotized or do you chain them?

Okay, then I would like to hypnotize everybody.

Everybody in the room, 100%.

Are you trying to avoid all of your teammates or are you not minding if you catch?

Yeah, I'd like to avoid all the shredders if I could.

Abs all the shredders.

Anybody else?

Oh, yeah.

No, I know.

All the natural-born shredders.

No.

Abs.

Well, you can't tell.

Absolutely.

It's

hard to tell who's a shredder and who's not.

You want to make sure that you get maybe one of the shredders out there?

I would like to make sure that my

hypnotization only works on all characters who, at the start of this episode, were not shredders.

Okay, 100%.

Want to keep us safe?

It does sound like maybe there is one person beside the Dwaygar getting caught, and so I will first roll for the Dwaygar with the axe.

The Dwaygar with the axe who's halfway dead is failing the saving throw and ending up hypnotized.

Well done, just barely.

Then the one with the crossbow

is not getting hypnotized, I am sorry to say.

So right now we've got one who's still loose, and that's the strongest one right now.

And then the one with the hand axes who went for Norm.

Good job, dude.

He's also failing and getting hypnotized.

So we've only got one who is not hypnotized currently.

And then

can't defeat a stronger opponent.

You can just roll me a perception check to see if you're noticing anything here, right?

Okay, which one's that?

That would be a D20.

D20.

D20.

18.

18.

Plus, whatever you are definitely noticing.

There is one other invisible person in the room who did not get caught in the hypnosis because you heard them shifting around a little bit, almost like to avoid it a little bit.

And was like, oh, like breathing a sigh of relief that they did not get caught.

By the way, what hypnotic pattern are you creating that they're now staring and drooling at right now?

Hypnotic is in, like, what mood are they in?

I mean, it's hypnotic patterns usually like scintillating lights or like some display that is making them stare at it, like, oh.

So it would be something that they really want to look at that they can't take their eyes off of.

Okay,

great rack.

Yeah, there's just these jugs kind of floating in the air.

And two of them,

apparently four Dwaygar in the room right now are just like, ugh, like drooling a little bit.

One of them's just sort of like rubbing his hands a little bit.

Is Greg looking at the rack?

So, right now.

I'm just curious.

I'm just curious if Greg's.

Greg, roll, roll for me.

You're not caught in the spell, but you might want to.

Yeah, the higher you roll, the more likely it is you are, honestly.

What'd you get, Greg?

I'm just curious.

No, Greg.

I rolled a one.

I did say, I just said the higher you roll, the more likely you are.

You are looking at it.

So apparently, you're not interested in these jugs whatsoever.

I don't care about the perfect round titties at all.

Nope, apparently not.

You couldn't care less.

Literally couldn't care less.

You're like Mr.

Smithers with the dancers around and

wait.

Do they hurt me?

I did not hurt you.

No, I.

Just roll 1d20.

If you roll low, something happens here.

Two.

Actually, with a two,

you blink, and for you and only you, they're not, you realize, oh, they're not, they're not boobs at all.

It's just a pair of balls.

I'm viewing the titties right now, 100%.

Just sort of jiggling a little bit and so you are 100 noticing this but you're not hypnotized i'm gonna say or um maybe a little hypnotized we'll see on your turn however it sounds like maybe one other person might be getting caught in this uh roll me a d20 just to make sure you got the right shredder as long as you don't get a one you're fine I got a 10.

You're fine.

Absolutely.

I am going to need one wisdom saving throw, which I happen to know you're pretty good at.

So you have like a plus five on this.

Go ahead and roll me a D20 plus five, but you need a 14 or higher against wayne's spells

how'd you do cocked nine nine plus five

is a 14 exactly it is just barely enough that you are not hypnotized

well done absolutely

that's good and wayne that was your hypnotic pattern spell you're now aware two of them are hypnotized apparently two dwegar one visible and one invisible in this room are still loose And that will bring us, did you want to inspire anybody else on your turn now with a bonus action?

Yeah, I'd like to inspire Norm.

Absolutely.

Norm put his shell on the line.

Norm put his shell on the line.

What do you say to inspire him?

Norm, you're good.

It's just, you got to rub some dirt on it.

Get back out there.

100%.

With that inspiration, it is now Greg's turn.

Greg, what would you like to do?

One of these Dwaygar is running away, right?

It does seem like two of them are hypnotized.

The one with the crossbow looks a little scared and has this scorpion-tailed rat right next to them.

And then there is one invisible, and we don't know what they're doing.

One's invisible.

Yes.

Doesn't seem like any of them are running away just yet, but they're definitely rethinking their strategy here.

I'd like to spin in a circle with my long sword, please.

Ooh, interesting.

You're hoping to hit multiple Dwagar, is that right?

Just because I can't see the invisible one.

Oh, interesting.

Okay, I like that.

Are you hoping to hit one of the visible Dwagar, or are you just going to try to?

I'm trying to weed out the invisible.

The invisible one, 100%.

Then I'm going to let you roll, first of all, a D20 to see how likely it is that you crash into them.

14.

14 is just enough that when you add your athletics bonus, I was looking for a 15 or higher.

You are crashing into something.

Now, roll me a D20, but two times and take the lower number.

You have disadvantage because they're invisible to see whether your sword hits them or not.

Seven.

Seven.

And roll one more time.

Take the lower number.

18.

So with the seven plus your long sword, it says you have a plus what to hit?

Plus six to plus six.

So seven plus six, 13.

I'm sorry, say you bumped into somebody, your sword kind of cut into some armor, but it didn't hit whoever they are.

However, you get two attacks per turn.

So now you can roll again with disadvantage to try to hit this person.

I do know where they are.

You do know where they are.

In fact, you don't have disadvantage anymore.

I like that.

Roll one time to hit them now.

What is that?

That's a 13.

Yeah, it looks like a 13.

It's a 13.

Absolutely.

13 plus 7 is a dirty 20, and that is going to be a hit.

Well done.

Now, with your sword, it says you have 1d8 plus 3 damage, I think.

Is that right?

My long sword is 1d8 plus 3.

Absolutely.

Now, that's what it would be if you don't smite.

If you burn up one of your valuable smiting spells, it could be an extra 2d8.

Or if you burn up a second level one, a very powerful one, that would be an extra 3d8.

So you could deal 4d8 plus 3 damage to whoever this is I'm holding off on smite you're holding off on smite 100% so it would just be 1d8 plus 3 that's all

the three the d8 would be this one right here kind of looks like two pyramids stuck together

Seven.

Seven.

Absolutely.

Seven plus three is going to be 10 damage.

You hear a grunt from what sounds like a female Dwaygar, as far as you can tell.

And I'm gonna roll because since you hurt them, they might lose their invisibility spell if I get less than a 10 on this.

So just one roll.

They have a good bonus on this.

And with a the number they needed to get was a 10.

They got a six plus three.

It is only a nine.

They become visible.

And that is when you see a familiar face.

Stepsister is a Dwaygar, but it seems as though it is the stepsister of Wayne,

who of course was not related to him.

And you are realizing now there are signs of like makeup on her neck still, where she was wearing a disguise that would make her look like a surface dwarf and she has apparently been a Dwaygar this whole time.

She was a traitor.

She says, I knew I should have left that stupid ogre alive and taken him with me.

That's simple.

But I have the treasure now, me and my friends.

And the other Dwaygar are like, hey, we're not winning this fight right now.

And she grabs the axe and she is absolutely going to try to fight back against you, but it's not her turn just yet, Greg.

Greg, amazing turn.

Amazing turn.

Sorry, Greg, also.

I'm just trying to remember, do you remember what what you got on that first attack that would have hit her?

I'm trying to remember because I forgot you had bardic inspiration.

You could have used bardic inspiration.

What was that?

It was a seven.

It was low.

There was a low.

You're absolutely right.

It wouldn't have been enough with the disadvantage.

Got it.

So you still have bardic inspiration if you need it.

Did we try to fuck

his stepsister?

So his stepsister did join the adventure.

We used her as bait to lure out some orcs.

Okay.

I don't think any of us tried to fuck her.

The question was whether Wayne would, but that was really hinging on whether she was a stepsister or a sister.

What's the rule on disclosing if she was Dwaygar before we fucked her?

In theory, she kept that from us, so that's kind of on her a little bit.

Yeah, so

it is an issue, possibly.

But the good news is she's definitely not biologically related to you now.

You can confirm that for sure.

And Hippo Maximus in snapping turtle form.

That would bring us to you.

I mean, if you want to call Dibs on.

I don't want to call it Dibs.

We did establish she had very high charisma.

She's a a looker, your stepsister.

Hell yeah.

Still is, even if she has like gray skin and white hair, it kind of looks pretty good.

And she's giant size now.

So if muscle mommies are your thing, that's absolutely the status at the moment.

Yep.

We share everything as shredders.

We do.

Yeah, we do.

We took it as an oath.

Yep.

Shredder oath.

I forgot the shredder oath.

Yes.

Everyone say the shredder oath together.

100%.

We can all shredders.

Luxury

conquests.

Conquests.

and always swear

to kill turtles.

Perfect.

Shredder.

Do we all say that?

Yeah, yeah.

All right.

That's bad for Max then.

No, I'm disguising myself as a turtle to know more about the species.

Something that you wouldn't understand because you're not a shredder.

I am a shredder.

No, I'm a shredder.

No, it's the opposite.

You're disguising yourself to be a shredder, but you really only know the turtle ways.

You're not like us.

We do have a shredder who's a turtle and a turtle who's a certified.

That's pretty wild.

Yeah.

And Hippo Maximus here.

Up to you, and you know,

the Dwagar are going to go right after your turn.

Two of them are hypnotized.

Shreddet has taken 10 points of damage, but is not halfway dead yet.

And the Dwagar with the crossbow is also not hypnotized and is almost halfway dead.

I'm getting real confused as to who I want to kill.

Which one's the turtle?

Which one's the Shredder?

No, that's something that this Shredder turned turtle understood when he took this form, but it was a journey that he chose to do to learn more about the enemy at hand.

That sounds like something a turtle would say.

Yeah.

Do we have a head of lettuce on us to just test?

Well, we know Max wouldn't go after the lettuce anyway.

Hippo Maximus, come on.

One thing about you and lettuce.

They don't go well together.

Is there any sort of

attack I could do to...

I'm just going to say dressing.

Can we put some bacon on it?

Also, Hippo Maximus, you do have two healing potions, I'm going to say, that you've been given as a gift.

It's the perfect thing to heal if you get injured or just on a long plane ride.

You can drink your two healing potions.

Yeah, nice.

Also good.

Also good.

Well, what would those potions do to my current form?

Would they bring me back to...

In theory, someone might bust you, like, drinking them and, like, start telling people about you drinking both healing potions.

But in theory, right now, you could just kind of swallow them all.

I would like to swallow those.

In theory, you don't need it yet because it's been injured.

It's really normal to swallow swallow those potions, even though other people might think that it's not.

100%.

It's a long dungeon crawl.

And you could drink them now.

You aren't injured yet, so they really wouldn't benefit you at the moment.

I also would like to drink them.

You certainly can.

Absolutely.

It's a long adventure.

You drink your healing potions real quick, chug them.

100%.

Absolutely.

And you've still got two Dwaygar fighting at the moment and two who are hypnotized.

Just a warning: if their turn comes up, they can and might wake up their hypnotized teammates with an action.

It eats up their whole action, but they could get their teammates up and running again.

So if I fight these Dwaygars

and they

get hit points on me, will that take away from my turtle status?

Takes away from your turtle hit points, but not your druid hit points.

Those are the same.

Okay,

as much as I love to be a turtle, I'm willing to risk that for the betterment of the team and try and defeat these Dwaygars.

Absolutely.

You're thinking of attacking them in turtle form or?

Yeah.

Yes, I will be attacking them in turtle form and risking my turtle form.

Absolutely.

Assuming that you are going after one of the Dwaygar who's still currently fighting, do you want to go after Shredette or do you want to go after the one with the crossbow?

I would like to keep Shreddette around.

Absolutely.

Okay, we can learn some shit from her.

Yeah, yeah.

Seems almost like they're listening to her like she's giving them orders.

Right.

And so you can go for the one with the crossbow instead.

That's one you might be able to take down with a single hit.

Go ahead and roll me a D20 plus five to see if you can hit this dwaygar

that would be 13.

13.

plus 5 is 18.

That is a hit against the dwegar.

Well done.

And you've got Lola the rat right next to you just a heads up.

So two animals are currently fighting this Dwaygar with the crossbow.

You can roll 2d6 plus 4 damage.

The Dwaygar has 11 HP.

Sorry.

This Dwaygar has 14 HP left right now.

So is it,

can I lose hit points to you cannot until they attack you on their turn and to be fair by being in melee now the one with the crossbow can't easily get over to their teammates to wake them up well done so this is 2d6 you said absolutely 2d6 plus 4

1 6 and a 1 a 6 and a 1 so 7 plus 4 is 11 more damage brings the Twigger up to 22 they have four hit points left that is all they are on their last legs well done so uh and uh in theory with your bonus action you could change back if you're done with turtle form, but if you stay in turtle form, you keep those hit points.

Now, I'm done with the turtle form.

I've learned what I need to know about the turtle form.

Absolutely, 100%.

You change back into druid form.

Is that right?

Is there any way that I can like

bring everyone back to what they originally were?

Unfortunately, not unless you have to spell magic to end a disguise spell.

Good to know.

I just wanted to know.

Absolutely.

What did you learn from being a turtle?

I learned a lot about it.

How they think.

Can we trust you?

Yeah, no.

As a turtle, though.

When you were a turtle, were you kind of untrustworthy?

There's something about a turtle that they do things in a way that is just really annoying to others.

And I felt that annoyance within myself.

Oh.

So I had to get out of that.

You're like, talk down to you.

Yep.

Troll.

They're also dumb and they think that they're in on something when they're really not.

Interesting, interesting.

Absolutely.

It's all shredders here.

Absolutely.

Just a bunch of shredders.

And

that is a great turn.

You turn back into human form.

Is that right?

Yeah, back to shredders.

Shredder form.

Shredder form.

So that was just specifically.

Five shredders.

Absolutely.

Hanging out.

What a cliche.

And so you are absolutely up to the Dwaygar's turn now.

I'm going to roll.

And if I roll really high, this Dwaygar is feeling bold and brave enough to try to wake up one of his teammates.

But if he does, that's two attacks of opportunity.

He's going to be provoking.

He's not willing to risk it.

He tries to decide, is he going to go after Lola or is he going to go go after you?

Lola, I'm so sorry, but instead of going after the turtle, this Dwaygar pulls out his hammer

and tries to squish Lola.

He needs a 13 or higher and he's got a plus five on this.

I'm sorry to say with a 17, Lola is

getting hit by this hammer.

Lola does have 10 HP.

You gotta look after that.

And this hammer is gonna deal this much plus four.

Let's see.

Oh,

I rolled a natural one.

And with only five damage, Lola still has half of her hit points.

So Lola's at five out of ten.

That is that Dwygar's turn.

Then Shredette is going to stand up.

Now, the last person to attack her was you.

She looks at you.

takes her hand in the air, and just as you think she's going to do some kind of magic, she does, but it's not to attack you.

She starts to wave her hands in her face.

Uh-oh.

And she begins to fade away and turn invisible again.

She's trying to reach

her invisible

and she points at the bodies on the ground and says, hey, I know you guys are having a lot of fun right now, but I got to turn invisible.

I'm so sorry right now.

And she does start to vanish before your very eyes, but you can feel her nearby.

You feel her start to move away from you.

You can take one free attack against her, but since she's invisible, you have disadvantage on this.

You got to roll two times and take the lower number.

Is she not hypnotized?

She is not hypnotized, I'm sorry to say.

Shredette had been invisible when you cast the spell.

She was caught in it, but she passed the saving throw just barely.

18?

18, and then

12.

12.

12, and then you had a plus what to hit with your long sword again?

Plus 3.

3.

Or sorry, that was 1d8 plus 3, right?

Plus 3.

What's the

two hits?

Plus 6.

A 6.

And you just got a 12 on the d20.

So plus 6.

Her armor class is 18.

And was that the lower of the two numbers?

Was it 12?

Absolutely.

That is just barely a hit against her.

So you get 1d8 plus 3 unless you're smiting, in which case you get a lot more damage.

Are we trying to have her as host?

This is your stepsister.

Shreddette?

Yeah, we want to do Shreddette.

Yeah.

Now, if you bring someone down to 30 points, you can say you're dealing moths.

That's Lil Shredder.

Oh, Lil Shredder.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, yep.

Now I'm back.

So wait, do you want me to smite your sister?

Has she been bad?

Well, she took the axe, we think, right?

Yeah, we need to get secrets out of her.

So, I don't want to smite her.

Let's not kill her.

I don't want to risk killing her.

She knows a lot of secrets, guys.

Yeah, absolutely.

No smiting.

Not smiting her.

Roll 1d8 plus 3.

One.

Ooh, four more damage on Shredette is going to bring her up to 14.

You can't tell if she's halfway dead or not.

Then again, you just dealt damage to her while she's invisible.

Let's see if she maintains her invisibility.

And her invisibility is broken.

You can see her running behind the throne.

She opens up the door behind the throne and tries to run through it.

So you did get the free attack.

She's no longer invisible thanks to that attack.

You can tell with 14 damage, she's very close to halfway dead, but not quite there.

And she just disappeared through a door, unfortunately.

But she couldn't have gotten very far beyond that door.

So we know it's the fifth door, the one to the east, just behind the throne, that she just ran through.

We can chase her no problem, but there's still one conscious Dwaygar in the room with us, and she ditched the two who were hypnotized.

So, well done on the Dwaygar turn.

We withstood them.

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Magnus Steeltoe now gets to go, and you can have him run up and just roll a D20 plus four.

Can he ask Shredette a question or no?

He could if she was still in the room.

Unfortunately, she just ran for it.

Okay, so right now he's going to help us try to kill the Dwygar with the crossbow if that's what we want him to do.

Okay.

Nine.

Absolutely.

And unfortunately, he doesn't have

a bad one.

He doesn't have advantage.

Nah, so unfortunately, he clangs and is fighting with the Dwaygar, who has his hammer out, who had the crossbow, but not hitting him, unfortunately.

That is going to bring.

And Poopy Stinks is also dead now.

So that is going to bring us to you, Norm.

Norm, what would you like to do?

Shredette ran for it.

There's two Dwaygar who are hypnotized, and one who has four hit points left and a hammer and crossbow.

What do you think?

Should we follow Shradette?

I would like to follow her not.

I really want to ask Shredette.

Like, I know we've all met her, but, like, did she know any of us before we met her?

Yeah.

Like, anyone in this room?

She's got the axe, right?

We think she has the axe.

All right, let's follow.

She claims she did.

She lies about it.

Let's follow her.

Let's get everyone going, follow her, and attack her again.

We don't want to kill her, though.

Right.

We want to get her as weak as possible.

Do you want to see where she's running to?

Can I kidnap her?

I don't know.

You certainly could.

Let's kidnap her.

If you chase her, you run behind the big throne, kick that door open, and sure enough, it's a dead-end room.

It looks like it's the war room of the ancient dwarves there's a table with all these maps of the mountain on the table so that's good information for us this is a map of the level we're on that has labeling on it in dwarvish which wayne can speak and standing on the table like a badass Shreddette is standing there with her awesome great sword pointed at you she's nervous because she's no longer invisible and she says bring it and you can absolutely attack her

and aim, since she's visible, you can aim to knock her out.

Yeah.

Or you could just roll intimidation and try to get her to surrender, though.

You can do that after attacking.

All right, so let's get her to surrender.

Oh.

Do you want to attack her first and then see if she'll surrender?

The more you injure her, the more likely she'll surrender.

Okay, before I do that, can I, we're all together, right?

I would just like to just a little credit card swipe of Greg's asshole.

100% canceled.

Can I roll for clench?

Yes, 100%.

The higher you roll, the tighter you clench.

That's an 18.

It's an 18.

Oh, that's stuck.

You barely get your card through it, to be honest.

It gets a little stuffed.

You're like, is this thing scanning?

Like, is this one of those attachments?

And

I think you do this, and you realize you don't have a card in your hand anymore.

And you kind of got to fish it out.

Chinese finger traps.

That's really good.

That's a really good job.

Because that's plus athletics.

So that's really a 23 at the end of the day.

She keeps denying me and just want it more.

I think you actually need to make a check if you want to get

back to it.

Well, the credit was my fingers.

It was just

my fingers.

They were stuck for a moment, but with your strength, you yank them free at the very last minute.

They're like swollen a little bit.

Okay, all right.

All right, yeah, let's let's let's fuck up Shredette

so we can kidnap her and get her secrets.

Can I assume you're going reckless?

Oh, of course.

Absolutely, you can roll two times on the first attack.

Who says no?

No, I don't think that's right.

Five, that's not good.

Absolutely.

Seven, that's not good.

Seven is not great.

With a plus six to your attacks, I think, or even a plus seven, it might be.

Unfortunately, that is not going to be a hit.

But you only get two attacks, so you can roll again with advantage because you went reckless.

Incidentally, Norm, all the barbarian AWLs, when I run the game for them and I ask them whether they go reckless, they say just like norm.

You know it, Tim.

Absolutely.

They all want to be like Norm.

So you can roll two times on the D20 again.

11.

Four.

Ooh, now 11 was the higher roll.

Can I just ask you to check your sheet?

It's a plus seven to hit.

That means you got an 18, and 18 is the number you needed to hit.

Shredette, go ahead and roll gotta be 18.

The dirtiest

dirty

two, two, two, sixes.

2d sixes, absolutely.

Plus six.

Dirty 18.

Five and five.

Five and five is amazing.

With 16 more damage, Shredette is up to 30 damage.

One more attack will take her down for sure.

She is way more than halfway dead.

You think she has maybe like five HP left, and you can take her down.

Well done, but she's fighting with you.

In fact, she's so injured now.

If you want to use your bonus action to intimidate her into surrendering, you would have advantage.

Okay, let's intimidate her

two times and dig the higher number.

13.

16.

I am looking for a 20 or higher.

What is your intimidation?

It's plus one.

Plus one.

I am sorry to say it is not quite enough, unfortunately.

But it's only because Shradette is a true badass.

Any one of the other Dwaygar would have surrendered with that role.

She is still fighting, and she's like looking to see if she can run out around you.

Good luck.

She probably can pull that off.

Absolutely.

And Ehrlich, this is going to bring us around to you again.

What would you like to do?

So for Lola, I would like to take out the crossbow guy.

Absolutely.

100%.

He's got four HP left.

Go right ahead and try to sting him.

10.

10.

10 plus 5 is a 15.

You'd be missing by a single point with that, I'm sorry to say.

So close.

So he's still hanging on right now.

What would you like to do with your action?

I feel like

there's going to be a lot of competition.

so I would like to charm Shredette.

Ooh,

absolutely.

You can try to charm her.

You cast charm person on Shredette.

And I get one saving throw.

If I don't get a 14 or higher and she has only a plus one on this, then she is charmed by you.

You said to ask me if it was cool.

Yeah.

It's the Shredder code to never charm.

Like, everybody knows that Shredder code.

Absolutely.

Very interesting.

I think that was in the oath.

I think that was in the chat.

Yeah, the oath was.

We as

Shredders promise not to never charge another Shredder's stepsister

without permission

from Shredder

and also

fuck turtles

like we say in the mirror every morning.

And so it's article two.

With a plus of a bonus, the total, and she needed a 14 to avoid being charmed, the total is a 13.

She is charmed by you, Ehrlich, just barely.

And she starts to look at you with little hearts rising from her head in an admiring way.

She's saying, I'll get my way past you, barbarian.

And then when I, whoa, wait a minute, who's that shredder over there?

For some reason, that compared to all the other shredders, that one shredder, for some reason, is like really good looking.

I don't know why.

And she can't put her finger on it.

Anytime you make a persuasion check on her, you now have advantage for the duration of the next hour, after which she will be like, what the fuck was happening to me?

And she will start to realize that she was under a charm spell.

But well done, Ehrlich, was there anything else you wanted to do on your turn?

That was your

could I use, could I use the investigation skill to take a look at these maps?

You certainly could.

Absolutely.

I believe your character actually speaks dwarvish.

At the very least, Gnomish is based off of Dwarvish.

So go ahead and roll an investigation check.

D20 plus investigation.

Great bonus action there.

16 plus 5.

Absolutely.

And just so you know, as you're looking at the maps, she was standing on the table.

So you look at the maps and you see her feet and she takes one step closer to you and then another step.

And you kind of look up and you realize she's standing right above you and says, well, hello there, handsome.

And what was your total on that again?

16.

16.

With the 16, you're going to learn two important facts.

First of all, before you learn any of those facts, I'm going to tell you right now, it's clearly a map of the dungeon you're in right now.

There was a map of the upper floor.

There's also a map of this floor.

And now you can tell there's labeling marked on this room.

It says war room and it even says like stepsister Shredette sleeps here like hangs out here.

Nobody else is allowed in the war room unless I give you permission.

But there's runes labeling the other four doors that we don't know about.

Which door do you want to know about first?

You're going to learn about two things in this period of time.

You get to pick northwest, northeast, southwest, or southeast.

And this is something that, like, I'm, I'm only learning this information.

Like, they don't know that I know this, right?

All right, so I'll go northwest.

Northwest.

Apparently,

they have labeled in dwarvish that this is an old dwarven temple beyond the northwestern door.

She has written treasure question mark.

Like, she's not sure if there's treasure, meaning that whatever treasure she has, it's not that treasure.

But it also says on the door, a little arrow is pointing to the door into the temple.

And it says, and you did remember there were like runes on the door, but they were tiny and hard to read.

And it says riddle when it points to that door for some reason.

So there might be treasure.

There's a riddle on the door, apparently, and it says old dwarven temple.

And then there is a symbol that just says danger inside of that temple.

So that's what you learn first.

What else?

What you've got northeast, southwest, and southeast?

Let's go southwest.

Southwest.

Southwest is labeled old kitchen.

And then it says wizard, old dwarven wizard, animated furniture, danger.

Hmm, weird.

And that is all you have time to learn about so far right now, I will say.

And that is Ehrlich's bonus action.

Well done, Ehrlich.

That is going to bring us to Wayne next.

And none of us know that information just yet.

Wayne, what would you like to do?

Currently, your sister's charmed, but still fighting us at the moment, unless...

Sorry, did you ask the sister to not

where are you going?

Where are you going?

Where are you going?

I gotta take a piss.

Do you tell the sister to stop fighting us, or do you tell her to keep fighting them?

Keep fighting.

Keep fighting.

Absolutely.

She's still fighting us.

So is the Dwaygar who had the crossbow.

So you got two Dwaygar who are still fighting us at the moment, Wayne.

Why would he do that?

I thought he was with us.

We got to put our shredder masks on.

How bad is this?

Surrounded by shredders suddenly.

I thought he was a one.

He was a shredder board, Hank.

Why would he tell her to keep fighting us if he's one of us?

That doesn't make any sense.

She's going to know that he's not a shredder once they get together.

Last time I was told that

she gets the pants off.

Once you go shredder, it's never been wetter.

She's going to see him and be like, you're not a shredder.

Yeah, right.

Every shredder's cut.

I'm a little upset.

You have every right to be.

How far away from Ehrlich are we right now?

You are pretty close to Ehrlich.

You're within.

the masks off.

You absolutely can see Ehrlich and either cast spells or move into melee with him.

Okay, but

I can't go level three anymore, right?

Actually, I was mistaken.

Now that I think about it, you actually have two level two, three spell slots at level six.

I can go level two as well.

You could, yes.

Could I create a zone of truth?

Yes, you certainly

could.

Ask my stepsister, like,

what do you see in this guy?

Absolutely.

Go ahead and you create this zone of truth that no one can lie in.

I'm going to roll for your stepsister, and perfect.

You know, she can't lie now.

You could also cast it in such a way that it covers Ehrlich, and in such a way that it will also cover Norm, who's in that room.

I trust Norm.

Absolutely.

But I'd like to cover Ehrlich as well.

You cover Ehrlich as well.

So both of them are in the zone of truth.

He's going to have to roll to see if he can lie or not.

But definitely your stepsister is not lying at at the moment you say what do you see in this guy and she blurts out i don't know he just seems like the kind of shredder that i'm into and i think i might even be charmed wait what as she says that out loud she gets another saving throw now but i'll say maybe with disadvantage because he's already charmed uh yeah unfortunately she says maybe i'm even charmed and she goes oh oh i guess i'm charmed by his personality.

She's confused a little bit right now.

It's starting to like, she's like looking at her hands, getting getting a little like trippy She's she's starting to realize what's going on, but not quite it seems I probably should ask where the axe was

more important thing.

Okay, yeah

Hey,

you're back.

I'm back.

I would like you just roll a d20 for me real quick.

Any particular reason?

You'll find out in just a moment.

It is a spell has been cast upon you and the stepsister.

Can I send a counterspell?

You actually have.

Oh, you certainly could.

That's a declaration of war.

Absolutely.

Are you counterspelling this?

It is automatically successful.

If you do a third-level counterspell, that instantly negates any level two spell.

And so

the moment you realize...

Do you want to roll an Arcana check to see if you knew what spell it was?

Yeah, I rolled a 13.

Perfect.

Excellent.

With a 13 plus whatever your Arcana is, you knew it was a zone of truth.

So

he's declined to take the polygraph is what I'm hearing.

Yeah, the spell.

Absolutely.

It affected your stepsister for just a moment.

She kind of blurted out that she finds him handsome and she might be charmed, but before it could really even help her start to break free, he counterspells it, unweaving the very magic you just wove.

I'm sorry to say.

It means both of you have burned up a spell slot now.

So make a high note of that.

That's what I hear.

Absolutely.

And that was your action.

Anything with your bonus action.

You can inspire somebody.

You could do a healing word, whatever you want to do.

Is anybody injured?

At the moment,

yes, Norm is injured.

Oh, yeah.

Heal him up.

Absolutely.

You give him a little healing move.

That would be a D4, the pyramid-shaped die, plus three.

Okay.

It's four.

Four, you get seven hit points back, Norm.

Norm, you're only two hit points down now.

I don't need those.

Damn.

That's what we've got coming.

Who knows where this battle's going to go?

And Wayne, amazing turn.

That is going to bring us to Greg now.

Greg, what would you like to do?

I want to torture Shredette.

You guys want to torture her?

Yeah, I mean, she seems like she turned her back on us.

Is there any?

Does anybody have any rope or chains?

We've all got rope.

Yeah.

I want to try to tie her up.

Absolutely.

Go ahead and roll an athletics check.

I believe that's a plus five, so a D20 plus five.

Six.

Six plus five.

You are going to tie her up.

She immediately goes, what are you doing?

No, no, no.

Are you telling her what you're doing?

Are you just fighting her and trying to respond?

I said, we're about to torture you.

She's going to try to resist that then uh with a plus two she has actually a plus four in all so let's see she needs an 11 or higher to beat you sorry to say with the 12 plus four that's a 16 she avoids getting tied up

i would let you try again with your second attack or you could stab her with your sword hank can you talk to her you have her charmed can i i would let you try What would you like to say?

Convince her it'll be fine.

Yeah, can you ask me?

Because you're doing this as a reaction.

I'm going to only let you roll once, even though you normally have advantage.

On your turn, you'll have advantage.

1d20?

Absolutely.

Four.

Four.

I'm sorry to say.

You're telling her just like, let him tie you up.

And she goes, fuck no.

You may be not him.

And she

does not seem to want to get tied up, unfortunately.

Now, you could try again with the rest of your action if you want.

But she's still fighting you at the moment.

I'm going to try again.

Absolutely.

I'll tell you right now the number you need to beat this time

with a natural 20.

You need to get a 24 or higher.

You have two rolls on

17.

Oh, 17.

Actually, I'm sorry you don't have two rolls, but you just, the number you need to get was a 24.

What's your athletics bonus?

I do not have one.

Oh, I thought you did.

Oh, you laughed.

I'm laughing five.

I'm sorry to say

that.

I see your strength.

I know what I'm going to do with my turn.

I'm not quite sure.

I'm wasting my turn trying to get her up, unfortunately.

I'm fighting with her, and she is not tied up at the moment.

It is now Hippo Maximus' turn.

And I guess you could order your moth to do something if you wanted to.

No, it's fine for right now.

It's fine for right now.

Absolutely.

Hippo Maximus, right after you go.

The sister's going to get a chance to do something, stepsister.

And the Dwaygar with the hammer and crossbow, who has four hit points left, is going to get to do something, including wake up a teammate if he really wants to.

Now, there's one teammate that I don't necessarily trust, and I think that for the benefit of the rest of us Shredders, there's five of us right now.

I would like to

question one of them.

Yes, absolutely.

Now, technically, neither of them have surrendered just yet.

Shreddet likes one of us, and the other one has not surrendered, but it would be very easy to get them to surrender.

Do you want to try to get them to surrender first and then ask them questions?

Yes, I would think I would like to get them to surrender.

I'll say you've got one role, a D20 plus one

because it's hard to intimidate people in turtle form.

D20 plus one.

Okay.

That would be a 14.

14 plus one is a 15.

Were you trying to intimidate Shredette, who is the harder?

The hypnotized ones can't be, like, they're not hearing anybody right now.

So your choices are Shredette, who is hard to convince, or the Dwaygar with the crossbow and the hammer with four hit points left.

I still like the Shredette.

Yep.

Oh.

Yep.

You're trying against Shredette, and you got a 15 total.

Unfortunately,

I'll roll.

If I roll really bad, then she is intimidated by you and answering questions.

Not low enough.

I would say that was a good idea.

Come up.

You could attack somebody or try to intimidate another Dwaygar, including Shredette, if you wanted to.

Dude, we got to take out the

weak Dragar.

And if he lives,

he's going to wake up.

Use your head.

I don't.

What do you guys think?

What does he mean by weak?

He's not on his turn.

What do you guys think?

Yeah, just narrow it down.

Okay, okay.

All right, we'll go.

Form, that'd be a d20 plus five.

We think we need a 16 to hit this dwey.

Wait, I thought I changed out of turtle form.

Oh, I'm so sorry, right?

You're no longer in turtle form.

So, you can either use an attack with your scimitar or you could use a spell.

Spells are much more powerful.

I think I would like to use a spell.

Absolutely.

Could I use

the moon beam, a space laser?

Space laser.

You call it,

dude.

I didn't know you had that.

Oh, no, yeah.

You've been hiding a moon beam?

Oh, yeah.

I have a moon beam.

You fucking toes now.

Normally, this kind of

clear sky.

Instead, it's coming through the ceiling.

It doesn't destroy the ceiling or anything, but it passes through the ceiling.

And suddenly, this big column of light lands on, is it Shreddet or is it the Dwaygar with four hit points?

We're going to take care of the Dwaygar.

We'll get to Shreddette later, but there's something about, we're going to.

Now, the beam comes down.

It could cover

right next to this guy.

It could hit you.

I assume you don't want it to.

It could also hit the Dwaygar and Lola.

I assume you're only trying to hit the Dwaygar?

I don't give a fuck.

Yeah, I'm willing to risk Lola for sure.

Absolutely.

So the Moon Beam comes down.

It's hitting two people in its square.

So I will first roll the saving throw for the Dwaygar.

He is failing the saving throw just barely.

He will take the full damage.

And then I'm gonna need Lola to roll for me a D20 plus three.

You know 14 or higher

And a four a four is not gonna be enough Lola is also taking the full damage

which is two

D 10 damage so the d10 is sort of shaped like this

To shame like a gusher

roll two of them and add them together.

It is like a gusher.

You're right.

Absolutely.

That's one way to know what a bowie is.

That's how you just have to do it.

Dang, I think that's been bothering me my whole life.

And I'm like, yeah,

what kind of sweet treat can we compare this to?

These are going to be for me.

I'm going to be wanting to munch on these.

Okay, so I have two of these and add them together.

All right.

First one.

Fuck.

Ooh.

That would be a one.

Oh, no.

That's good.

We want the maximum damage so that we can, I mean, not maximum.

Nine.

Nine.

Nine.

there you go so ten damage kills the Dwaygar with the crossbow and the hammer one dwaygar finally down the moon however

Lola is caught in the moon beam

and instantly incinerates

now who's Lola was friends with who Lola was friends with Erlich

She was not just his friend but his summoned familiar his spirit that he bound from the nine hells now Lola is is not dead.

She goes back to the nine hells.

In 24 hours, you'll be able to summon her again, but that's probably gonna have a good time going.

She's gonna have a good

nice place.

She's going home.

She's gonna check on her family and stuff.

She'll come back soon if you are alive to summon her.

And so, Hippo Maximus, amazing turn.

That was your action.

Can't think of anything with a bonus action there.

So unless there was anything you wanted to do with a bonus action, it would now be Shreddette's turn.

Anything else you want to do with a bonus?

No, I'm willing to pass to Shredette.

Absolutely.

I'm going to roll.

The higher I roll, the more Shradette wants to run.

The lower I roll, the more she wants to make out with Ehrlich.

So,

ooh, with a six.

That's not a very high roll.

She starts to get ready to run, and then instead, she stops, looks at Ehrlich, and says, we should make out.

But first, we've got to think smart.

What should I do?

And she looks at Norm and gets her weapons ready.

Do you think she should attack Norm or do you think she should do something else instead?

She is, she is in front of everyone asking you this.

You can say nothing, and then can I whisper something to her so they don't hear?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She leans in while she's getting her weapons ready.

Right out of the way, attack, attack Norm.

But don't, don't, no one else knows I said that.

Absolutely.

100%.

As Norm is trying to lean in to hear what you're saying, Norm, I'll let you roll a D20 if you roll a 10 or a.

That was a good whisper.

15 or higher, I'm looking for.

17.

17.

You heard the whisper.

He says the axe is coming down upon you.

The first roll is a hit because of advantage from you being reckless.

And then the second one

is a critical hit against you, Norm, I am sorry to say.

And so that is going to be with her great axe.

The first hit is a

would have been a total of a 15.

However, that's only seven damage against you, knocking you back down to 50.

It ate up the healing.

Then the critical hit hits you.

It is gonna hit you.

She swung the axe and cut into your shoulder as you're recovering.

Um,

I might have to ask Norm, what would you call your most precious body part?

She is critically hitting you, so she's gonna hit something very precious to you.

Greg, why don't you answer that?

Oh, what do you like about me the most?

Physically, it's

it's your legs, but uh, palette-wise, it's your asshole.

Absolutely.

She does a quick maneuver, does a jump over you, lands behind you, brings the axe up, and she's credit card swiping you

with a battle axe.

I'm sorry to say.

And with a battle axe right up the butthole.

She's going to knock it off.

10 plus

five is going to be, no, plus the four

is 14.

Seven more damage against you He is going to knock you down to 43 left on Norm the Barbarian out of your original 59.

And then, I'm just going to roll one more time.

Yes, she then tries to make a run for it out of the door.

Norm, you can make one more attack against her as she runs if you want.

Yeah, I'd love to see you.

I'd love.

She has five hit points left if you get her.

Now, unfortunately, it's not your turn, so you don't have advantage on this.

You don't get to go reckless on attacks of opportunity.

But in spirit,

in spirit, you are reckless.

Oh, thank you.

That's absolutely good clarification.

Yes.

Not six.

Six plus seven.

I'm sorry to say is a 13.

Not quite a hit.

She runs out the door of the war room again.

She is running to the southeast, it seems.

Well, and that is going to bring us from the Dwaygar turn because, oh, and let me just roll to see if she's able to wake up any of her teammates.

She would have to roll very high to do that while she's running.

Nope, she rolled very low.

Both of her teammates stay hypnotized.

She runs for the southeastern door.

I'm going to roll to see if she makes it there.

She did make it.

She just barely threw open the door of the southeastern room, a room we don't know what is beyond there, opened it, shut it behind her almost instantly.

And we thought we heard the ringing of hammers and we hear some shouting in that room now.

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Now more D and D.

And that is going to bring us from the Dwaygar turn to Magnus Steeltoe gets to go now.

Do you want your friend Magnus Steeltoe to do anything right now?

Yes.

I want Magnus Steeltoe to bitch slap Ehrlich.

Certainly, he will do that for you.

Ehrlich, he's going to walk up to you.

Roll me a D20 plus four for Magnus Steeltoe.

That's a 16 bitch slap.

16 plus 4 is a dirty 20 on the bitch slap.

So that is going to be a hit.

Were you trying to damage him with the bitch slap or just make a point?

A little damage, a little point, a little this, a little that.

I'm going to say it's three points of damage in all against Ehrlich the Wolf.

Is it towards his shredder head or?

That's a great point.

Were you slapping him in the face, given that you don't necessarily know this, but the shredder head is floating above Ehrlich's actual gnomish head?

No, I want to go for lower, yeah.

I'll say that she can swipe through, realize it's an illusion, and then still smack him in the face if you want her to.

Yeah, yeah, let's do that.

So she realizes he's not as tall as he seems.

Her hand goes right through his head, and then she backhands below where Shredder's stomach would be.

It hits Ehrlich right in the face for three points of damage.

Ehrlich, you're down to 42 out of 45 left, which puts you, Norm, just one point of damage ahead of Ehrlich right now.

And that will be all of the Dwaygar turn and Magnus Steelto's turn bring us to Norm's turn now.

Norm, your official turn is now up.

What would you like to do?

You saw Shredette run through the southeastern door.

You don't know any information about the other doors, and you know that there are two hypnotized Wagar in the room.

There's also a map in front of you that you could try to study, but I'll warn you, that's not what Barbarian is.

That's not my...

I'm not smart.

What do you guys think?

Should we go to the door?

Or...

I mean,

she doesn't have the act.

Does she have the axe?

She doesn't have any behind what she's doing.

Right.

No.

We could let her live.

Yeah, so let's get to it.

But I think the axe might be behind this last door.

Yeah, she was running towards there.

Okay, so let's get in there.

So lootly.

You throw open the door to the southeastern room, revealing a mighty forge works.

There are all of these anvils with chains going above them, with like big mine carts and stuff that are hovering by.

You see that she is shouting orders at a pair of Dwagar with goggles on, looking very shredder because of their spiky armor.

They pick up these weapons that norm, since you're looking at them, you can roll a d20 minus one to see if you can figure out what the hell these weapons are.

20.

Oh, a natural 20.

Natural 20.

You are able to put together what's going on here.

These look almost like blunderbusses, an item that does exist in the world of D ⁇ D.

Primitive, simple guns, basically.

Except they have little sparks of fire at the end, like like a pilot light kind of that just keep flickering.

They get these weapons, they begin to march towards you with them, pointing them at you, and one of them, I think that's why you got a critical hit, had to test his out.

He presses the trigger and

like a dragon's breath.

Okay, these flamethrowers are getting closer and closer to you.

I'm gonna roll the flamethrower Dwaygar into initiative separately.

They're gonna go after Magnus' next turn.

So luckily you got some time.

But you notice notice that in this room there is a, on the eastern side, a pit that drops down into the depths below as if it leads to a third level

of this dungeon, it seems.

Wow.

And just before that pit, there is a Dwagar chained up, but not against his will.

He's an old Dwaygar, almost as old as the high priest.

That guy's guy's got to be a blacksmith he's got to be like a worker it seems like he is managing the forge giving the orders to the other blacksmiths who have the flamethrowers now and he looks like he is a forge priest of some kind using forge magic to make better items and it is clear that he is in charge of this whole operation in this room but the stepsister is shouting orders to him as well as the two guys with flamethrowers right now.

Okay, you could go for Shreddet.

You could go for one of the two guys with flamethrowers.

The problem with going for the Forge Priest up in the air is he's like suspended in midair right now.

And it seems like he's guarding the drop-off down below where like the mine carts would start descending down like there is a system of chains for lowering and raising things over there.

Guys, I think we've stumbled into like a severe slave operation.

Yeah.

My stepsister is keeping all these people against their will, making them work for her.

They would probably hate her way more than we would.

Yeah.

Try to convince them they're free.

Yeah.

Does it seem like they don't get them on her side?

Shreddette.

It's true.

Okay.

Sexist.

Can I jump into the pit?

You could if you really wanted to.

Can I jump into the pit with my boys?

100% you could.

Absolutely.

You'd be running past the guys with the flamethrowers, but they wouldn't get to hit you.

You'd be running past Shreddette.

She might get to hit you.

And then you'd be running under the Forge Priest, and you can try to jump down if you want.

Is that what you'd like to do?

You guys want to jump in the pit?

Let's find this fucking axe.

Yeah, Yeah.

Absolutely.

Let's find it.

Who's jumping in first?

We're all jumping together, but I would like to make sure that when we jump together, I'm holding Greg.

Absolutely.

So you grab Greg, you pick him up in your arms, bigger.

And you begin to

be able to carry this guy in full plate nail as you are running.

In fact, Roland, as long as you don't get a one, you can carry him.

And you have advantage on this.

I got a 17.

17, you're already doing great.

You're running full speed.

I'm so strong.

Speed.

Would it be easier if I took off my plate?

That would take a long time to do, so actually, it would be slower.

Can Greg roll to see how tiny he feels in my arms?

Yes, 100%.

The higher you roll, the tinier you feel.

A six.

A six.

You actually feel pretty big.

You feel strong.

You feel like you're not.

He makes you feel stronger, I think.

Absolutely.

And you are being carried as you run full speed.

Now, as both, first of all, Shrudette.

We're all jumping in, though, but I'm just holding Greg.

Absolutely.

So, as all of us are running, Shradette's just going to swipe at you once.

Ooh, Sharina is hitting you, I'm sorry to say, as you run by, and she goes, No, he's heading for the treasure.

He wants the axe.

And she hits you, unfortunately, for a total of nine, which becomes four damage against you.

You shrink.

But Greg's fine, right?

Greg's okay.

Absolutely.

Let me just make sure that wasn't against Greg.

It was not.

Okay, thank God.

She went for Greg.

You blocked the shot.

And so you took the hit.

Can you say that again?

So she was going to hit Greg, but you moved your shoulder in the way, took the hit for

Greg instead.

That's a break.

Absolutely.

That is a turn-on, to be quite honest.

You

might need to roll for it, but I'll say you can declare that 100%.

I'd like to declare turned on.

Yes, you are officially turned on.

Absolutely.

You are down to 39 health left just below Ehrlich now, but you run to the edge.

And that is when everybody who's looking over the edge can tell it is a significant drop down.

You could jump down, but the problem is you don't currently see the bottom and that includes the people who have dark vision that goes out 60 feet.

So wherever the bottom is, whatever it is, it's further than 60 feet down.

Now, you could roll a perception check as a bonus action if you want to see what might be down there before you jump.

you could also roll an athletics check try to grab a chain and then climb down the rest of the way and not risk any damage but that would be the less could i climb if i climb down can everyone get on my back uh yes 100

let's climb down everybody's gonna be jumping onto you like a bunch of like mama raccoon with all the babies on them but i'm holding greg 100 now if everybody is grabbing onto you yeah i'm gonna say that that gives you disadvantage okay that's fine up to the boys because you're raging you always get advantage on your athletics checks it cancels out.

It's coming down to a single roll.

1D20 plus 5.

But to climb down and more importantly, to catch yourself on the chain, you must get a 15 or higher.

Oh.

This is a significant roll.

Do you want to roll for me?

No.

Sure?

Yeah.

Positive?

I'm really nervous.

You must get a 10 or higher on this.

10 or higher.

15.

Wait, no, 10.

Yeah, yeah.

10.

Can I get a kiss from anyone just to feel more confident?

Anyone.

I'll choose Greg.

Absolutely.

Consent?

Given.

Okay.

Absolutely.

Now, he gives you consent.

Do you ask anything else?

It's the hottest thing you can do.

Can you give me an extra point so I can get a nine or on it?

You could ask him for consent again now that you have it.

If you do, I'll say you get an extra plus one on that.

Okay, double consent.

You already know you have it.

Okay.

And because you knew you had it, but you asked for consent and drove them a little crazy,

an extra plus one on this now.

You only need a nine or higher on this roll.

Voice.

Voice.

Here we go.

Power of foreplay.

13!

13 is enough.

Well done.

You grab onto the chain and you are able to start climbing down.

And as you do,

you think you see there's actually water at the bottom of here, which means you still would have taken damage, but not as much as you thought.

But now you can climb down the chain, get into the water if you want.

And you realize you're in like this underground lake complex.

You think the Dwegar going nuts up there?

They're shouting, he's going for the treasure.

And one of them shouts,

should we go down?

And the stepsister Shredette says, No, are you kidding me?

You want to go down there

with night scale?

I'm not going down there.

They can die.

But that one Shredder, I'm going to miss him.

Maybe I should help him.

I'm going to roll.

And if she rolls low, she's going to try to help.

She wants to help save Ehrlich, the Shredder.

And so she is going to try to jump as well.

Please, Ehrlich, since she's under your control, roll me a D20.

Plus...

She only has a plus three on this, and she also needs a 15.

11.

11.

With a 14, she jumps to try to help you, and you hear her

splash down into the water.

I am sorry to say, she is going to take half of the falling damage, which would have been 80 feet, would have been 8d6.

She's going to take 4d6 damage, and she only has 5 HP left.

I'm sorry to say already.

Sep Sister's not dead, but she hits the water, she's knocked out immediately.

And because she's in metal armor, she's sinking, and you know it.

However, we think we notice that in this underground lake area, it's like a series of chambers underground and in this lake.

And there's one going to the south, there's one going to the north, and in the northern tunnel, we think we see an island emerging from out of the lake, covered with treasure.

And there seems to be an axe sticking out of the top of the treasure.

There's an island surrounded by miners.

100%.

Yes, there's just glittering treasure all around.

And we think it's a very remote island, very hard to find.

No cameras.

You're not seeing anything.

Not a lot of reporting.

And so you are definitely seeing beauty.

It is clearly the axe of Durgeden up ahead.

Well done, Norm.

That is going to bring us to Ehrlich's turn.

Now, Ehrlich, what would you like to do?

How heavy is the axe?

The axe is heavy enough that it is difficult, but you could carry it.

More or less than 10 pounds.

Ooh.

Here's the thing.

It is more than 10 pounds, but I understand what you're going for, and I would let you roll an Arcana check to try to pick it up with a mage hand spell.

Hell yes, absolutely.

So you see, suddenly, from out of Ehrlich's hand, this glowing hand flies out towards the axe.

I would like you to please roll a D20 plus your Arcana bonus if you can get a 15 or higher on this.

Actually, only 13 or higher is all you need to pick up the axe and bring it wherever you want it to go.

Oh,

what did he roll?

He got a one.

Oh, one.

Uh-oh.

We all would have won if you roll higher.

I am sorry to say that here's the thing.

Your hand flies over to the axe.

It grabs onto the axe.

It picks up the axe and then starts to weaken a little bit like it can't do it.

Even the axe just like phased through the hand a little.

And as you're trying to pick it up, as you're trying to pick it up, it dips down into the water a little bit.

The hand flickers, and then you think you feel something pull on like your hand.

It's almost like a drone kind of, like you're feeling something grabs the axe, pulls it down into the water.

The axe is gone.

Oh, you thought that was fine?

It's gone into the water, and you're not sure if you just dropped it or it went through the hand or something grabbed it.

It's hard to tell.

And that was your action.

Anything you want to do with your move or bonus, Erlick.

Apologize for your selfishness, maybe.

Go get the fuck out of there.

Can I use a skill or it's too late for that?

I let you try.

What skill were you thinking?

I'd like to go stealths because I feel like bad stuff's going to happen.

Yeah, that's a reasonable thing to do.

I'll allow it.

Roll me a D20 plus your stealth skill.

Do you have the stealth skill?

Yeah, plus five.

Absolutely.

19.

19 total or before the plus five?

Before the plus five.

Before the plus five, 24, ain't nobody noticing you right now.

You are stealth not this is an important detail and something we should remember going forward your teammates cannot see you right now that is an important detail you dive down into the water no one knows where you are underwater and you're really like in the corner of one of these caverns if you want 100 wayne that is going to bring us to you next what would you like to do can you remind me what what the powers of the axe were uh we knew all we knew was that the axe had immense power i let you roll an arcana check to know but we never got concrete answers on what the axe could do do.

Yeah, it just sounded like a cool thing.

It's a really powerful super value.

Yeah.

So I can roll to see.

You certainly can.

Yeah.

D20 plus your Arcana bonus.

It feels like we should have done this earlier.

Very reasonable, 100%.

Now that's within sight, it's even easier, I would say.

Uh-oh.

Typically don't count if it falls on the floor.

If you want to re-roll that, yeah.

Oh, it's only a seven.

It's only seven plus four.

I'm sorry to say that you do not.

All you know is it's the most valuable magic item you think you've ever seen.

I mean, we already came all the way down here.

I think we're pretty committed at this point.

We got to get this axe.

Yeah.

But if it sucks, we'll turn around.

Yeah,

yeah.

Okay, so

I know that Hank's invisible.

Ehrlich's invisible.

Yes.

Can I still cast a spell on him?

Uh, you...

Depends on the spell.

Most spells, you would need to be able to see him to target him.

What spell were you thinking?

I was thinking about doing the bestow curse.

Oh, you need to touch him to do that.

So, yes, you very much need to be able to see him, unfortunately.

It's a good call, though.

You could roll a perception check, and if you get a critical hit, you'd be able to find him.

I also have Mage Hand.

You do, yeah.

Can I reach down into the water some shit?

I'm trying to find it 100%.

Now, that would be an investigation check, which I let you use either investigate, sleight of hand, or arcana to see if you can find the axe in the water.

Okay, you said investigate

arcana or what?

Yes, sleight of hand.

I'm a plus five on sleight of hand.

Go ahead and roll that.

See if you can find the axe.

220?

Seven.

Seven.

Absolutely.

With a seven plus five, you said, you're fishing around in the water.

You are not quite finding the axe, I am sorry to say.

Not yet, anyway.

You can try again with your bonus action if you want.

What do you think, fellas?

Should we go after 0 for 2 right now?

Is there anything else I can do to get this axe?

That's what we're here for.

Yeah, that's what we're here for.

Just maybe get closer.

Well,

maybe see what it's all about again.

We can't.

I don't know who's talking right now.

We can't even see this guy.

Does talking give up his location?

If he talks in character to us, we would immediately know where he is.

Well, that's what he just did.

I think he was going to be able to do that.

Maybe try to say that out of the way.

Can you roll a yell to him to try to trick him?

I'll let you roll a free perception check real quick, G, see if you heard him talking to himself.

Okay, what was that?

It would be a perception check, and I'm really looking for a 20 or higher on this.

20?

That's an eight.

Absolutely.

I'm sorry to say.

He's still very hidden at the moment.

You have your bonus action to either inspire somebody, do a healing word, or you could

try to find the axe again.

I'm going to try to find it again.

Absolutely.

Roll me another D20.

It's 9.

9.

9 plus 1.

That's better than before with a 14.

I heard a laugh.

Okay.

I heard a laugh today.

The number I had been looking for was 13 or higher.

You had gotten it 12 before.

This time you passed it.

Well done.

Now here's the thing.

You grab the axe.

You can feel through your own hand.

There is a shaft that you are with your mage hand grabbing onto.

It's rock hard.

Pretty girthy.

It feels magical, like an enchanted shaft.

Where's this feeling been all my life?

Yeah, exactly.

It feels good.

Good grip.

And as you pull it up out of the water, the hand sort of comes up against something and you realize something else has got the axe.

Roll one more time to see if you can pull it out of the water.

If that's what you're trying to do, you got the axe, but now you got to fight somebody for it.

Ooh, okay, how'd you do on that?

I only got a six, Tim.

Ooh, six, actually.

This is surprising to them, actually.

So, you get to roll one more time.

That's a 12.

12.

Okay, that's enough.

You are pulling the axe out of the water, but what you are also pulling out of the water is

the

dragon who has grabbed onto the axe from below the water.

This dragon has black scales, the horns coming out of its head look like balrog horns that sweep forward in a radical way, and the Dwaygar upstairs begin to shout, Night scale, he's here.

They're trying to take the axe from him.

And the dragon, like a dog who's fighting you for a stick, kind of around the stick, starts to go, oh, take my fucking axe, will you?

The Dwaygar gave that to me for rent.

I keep the rent that I get paid.

Give up the axe, the treasure's mine.

And you can do whatever you want.

What would you like to do?

Do you say anything back to him?

I say, fuck you.

Oh, my God.

Absolutely.

100%.

Absolutely.

Sen on business.

Absolutely.

Now, Greg, you would be up next.

What would you like to do at this point?

Nightscale the Dragon looks very tough.

This is obviously, he's laying claim to this axe right now.

We could absolutely try to fight the axe, grab it, run out with it if we really want to.

Or we could try to

escalate this.

And then we'd be turning this into a part three

encounter.

Could he kiss anyone?

Certainly could.

I'll see if I have an action for that.

But I would like to call the moth to save Shredette, please.

Absolutely the moth

dives down automatically.

It won't be a D20 as long as it doesn't get a one, it finds Shredette and 12.

Absolutely, dives down, dives up out of the water with Shredette in its like limbs.

Okay.

Throws Shredette onto his back.

Shredette is now safe and unconscious, but no longer drowning.

Well done.

I would like to kick Hank's girl off her flight.

Absolutely.

Sorry.

Shredette.

Absolutely.

You want to kick her off the moth, is that right?

Yes.

100% back into the water.

Yes.

Absolutely.

You immediately, automatically, just push her back into the water.

100% she sinks into the water once again.

For just a moment, her eyes blinked open, and she said, thank you, brave.

Splash back into the water.

Well done.

Absolutely.

And then I would like to do a lay of hands on Norm.

Oh, yes.

Yes, you can heal Norm by laying his

hands upon him.

What's that?

What part of him was my butthon?

It was his buttholes.

Yeah, my buttholes.

Yeah.

Pretty wounded.

Desperate times.

Absolutely.

And you really, you think it's a bad wound.

Like, you got to get up in there.

You think?

Absolutely.

100%.

So you stick your hand up.

You're not there yet.

You're going to have to keep going a little bit.

And once your hand gets up there further, you are able to

activate your healing magic.

It feels like the best aloe vera ever felt.

In fact, you think you're going to be regular for the next year.

It's going to feel real good.

You're going to be like nice, solid chunks.

And you are

absolutely able to give him 20 points of your lay-on hands healing, which gets him right up to full hip points in that case.

Awesome.

And that does eat up your action.

So good turn, Greg.

And that will bring us to Hippo Maximus next.

Hippo Maximus, what would you like to do?

I'm going to need you to remind me things that I could be doing right now.

100%.

You've got to make sure

you're going to be able to do it.

You've got animal forms you can turn into.

Right now, the issue is the Dwegar upstairs, you're just scared.

Down here, it's shreddette in the water and a dragon who is properly speaking supposed to be part three of this and we might just need to grab the saxon run away and screw the dragon over completely yeah uh could i could i turn into

a hunter shark you certainly

yeah absolutely yeah you've been holding out so much

absolutely yes so hunter shark you turn into your aquatic morph well done you turn into this bash hunter shark and you are just about the same size as this dragon, you're pretty sure.

Underwater, now you can see clearly and you can tell that you can see the lower body, like jaw style of this dragon as it is fighting for the axe that is hovering above the waterline.

What would you like to do?

You could dive out of the water, literally jump the shark, and you can grab onto the axe, or you can bite onto the dragon on the nards, or you can do whatever you want.

you want.

I'm going to go for the axe.

I love it.

You're completely surprising the dragon because the dragon is above water doesn't see you coming so go ahead and roll two d20s plus five for the athletics of the hunter shark form which is what you use and i'll tell you right now the number you need to beat and i give the dragon disadvantage on this is only

a 10 total that's all

you need to get this i have two yeah you need to get five on this and you have advantage you need a 10 or higher come on so as long as one of them is five or higher you're good

That would be a 19.

19.

Amazing.

Then just roll one more time since you get a second roll.

Let me know if you get a critical hit, but otherwise you're still getting a lot with a 19 here.

16.

16.

Then specifically what you get with a 19 plus 5 for the Hunter Shark is you dive up into the air, through the air, grab the axe out of the hand and out of the dragon's mouth completely.

Actually, you could roll and try to hold on to the axe, but you would need a critical hit to beat him at this point.

Making sure.

12.

Alpha is not enough.

You grab the axe from both of them.

You dive down to the water.

And that is when, and I promise you all, I am not making this up just to give you this opportunity, Max.

You notice that as you dive down so deep, you weren't expecting to find anything deep down there.

You're just trying to get away from the dragon.

You notice there is a tunnel.

that goes underwater and just from your shark senses being able to sense in this water like the smells and environmental changes it leads out of the mountain entirely to the lake next door to the mountain you could easily go through this water tunnel with the axe in your grip and you would be able to escape so you're saying that all of us

were the dragon hunter found the crack

that one went over my head but yes

is the dragon going to be an issue the dragon is no longer an issue for you if you fly through, sail through that tunnel.

Maybe help us out.

Yeah, can I bring some shredders?

You can grab.

I would say because you got a 24 on your athletics, not only do you notice this tunnel, you can have everyone, just like Norm did, grab onto your fins.

Well, you should grab everyone you can see.

That's true.

Yeah.

Oh, right.

Because I can't find one of the shredders.

If you can't find him, then he's got to stay.

Yeah, that's a good thing because, like, sharks, a shark would eat a turtle.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, if you saw a turtle.

Oh my gosh.

Right, so saving all of that.

All the shredders you can see, we'll hop on.

Grab all the shredders you can see.

You don't grab any shredders you don't see.

Were any shredders calling out for help to try to escape?

Just making sure that they're not.

You couldn't hear them, right?

I was, yeah.

You do call out.

Oh, you were.

You think you hear a shredder you didn't see calling out.

Do you go to that voice or

no?

We're going to leave that shredder for sure.

The shredders I can see, though, they're hopping off.

Fuck, yeah.

With a critical hit, you could have

gotten to that shredder, but I think without a natural 20, you can only grab these shredders.

Shredder code.

We can leave

shredders.

Only grab

shredders we can see.

Yeah.

Old.

I feel like I'm watching Ninja Turtles again.

Oh, shredder clotters.

And you were absolutely able to have everyone grab onto your fins and tail.

You go out of the secret tunnel that is the dragon's way into and out of this mountain because he's an aquatic dragon eventually he will try to find us but we're too fast for this dragon and with your athletics check of 24 total you get to the lake change back we all spill onto the shore and sure enough you can bring the axe back with you to town

and you have complete

question tim yes uh so after we get out of the water does great does he need mouth to mouth probably i can handle a bunch

anyone who is just a human would need some strong people.

Strong people,

strong people can do it.

The strong people would be the best.

Okay, all right.

I'd like to save mouth to mouth.

Who casts the spell that puts my mouth on my dick?

Oh,

I think that's what happens if you heal your wounds in a certain way.

You did, like the ogre when his dick fell off.

You healed his dick.

So obviously we can switch dicks around and stuff.

I think that'll be the

absolutely.

And so, bringing the axe back with you, you are able to lay claim to the axe, and you have succeeded at the adventure, the Forge of Furies.

And you did it in two sessions, which is only one group of AWLs was able to do it.

And maybe two groups was able to do it in just two sessions.

Also, follow up to what would happen to a turtle that was left in the lake with an angry dragon whose mouth is

real quick.

I'll let one turtle roll just to see.

Oh, with a natural one.

Oh, no.

You live.

And live on in that case.

And I can just go and save my girl.

The dragon's hunting.

You go back to the stepsister

and the two of you

can like retire together.

She's charmed.

You can keep her charmed.

That's kind of grim, but yeah, absolutely.

And you would essentially, if you have control of her with charm, you kind of take over the Dwaygar a little bit.

Oh, no.

But unfortunately, they don't have the axe anymore.

You want to go back and kill the Dwaygars.

The dragon's really mad also because that that's the only thing that's a natural inclination to avoid scale.

But I can convince the dragon to get the axe back.

Okay.

Well, that was incredible, Tam.

Well done, everyone.

Good adventure.

We all made it to the end.

We all survived.

Absolutely.

We're all together.

Yeah, we're all together.

Absolutely.

Do we want to declare?

Everyone wanted the axe as one person getting the axe, or are we all agreeing?

We said we share the axe?

Yeah, yeah, we all get shredders.

We all

shredders always share the axe.

And fuck turtles.

I'm forgetting basic shredder information.

I feel so silly.

It's a lot to keep track of.

So, well done.

You share the axe and you are winning the day.

Well done, everybody.

Okay, so Tim, I had one, that was so much fun.

I have a robot question.

Absolutely.

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QZS, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts, robot question.

I saw you, you've been doing games for a bunch of AWS.

Yes.

have they been flying you out oh yes yeah I was just

two weeks ago I've gone to other places and cities around here I think there are some AWS in Chicago who have brought me out actually so I always try to sync up with them and stuff but yeah it is I will just say that like I love running games for AWS I think at this point 50% of my clients are like AWS

it is so rough because what I do is now that I've like run Forge of Fury I've been running another adventure for them so next time I see you guys I'm gonna have to run that adventure that they've they've all been playing.

So far, I think like maybe 25 groups have done this next adventure I've got planned.

Once I run it for you, I have to retire it and then start a new adventure for the AWS.

So they kind of move through seasons, kind of.

And if you want to get in on the current season before we play again on the podcast, now is your only chance.

Once I run it on the podcast, it has to get retired.

Okay.

And I will also be at some conventions in Indianapolis and

the Origins Convention in Columbus and one in Orlando.

Yes, I might see you there.

Absolutely.

So I always tell AWLs if you want a discounted game with me, I'll be running games there.

So especially if you're already going to that convention, please say hi to me if nothing else.

And just for people who are in New York, I am running after school programs in New York.

And currently we are looking for more schools to expand into.

So if you have like young people who are looking for a D ⁇ D club at their school, I'm providing that in New York and in other areas.

And if you are a dungeon master who is looking to dungeon master for kids, we actually need more dungeon masters

I think we we should go to one of these conventions

the Indianapolis one is Gen Con it is the biggest dungeons and dragons convention in the world and if you guys were there I could take you on the whole tour

when is it it is in August end of August

yeah

we're going to that's amazing also at some point I mean convention yes 100% because I got to show you what those are like also LARPing at some point yes

this is my LARPing kit, and I haven't gotten to LARP very much at all.

But the people who LARP make me look like a casual

hardcore.

Will they be LARPing in Indy?

There will be people in costumes in Indy 100%, including myself.

We got to get kind of wild at these conventions.

Yeah, definitely.

Yeah, 100%.

Absolutely.

All right.

Well, Tim, you're the best.

We love you.

Thank you all so much.

And thank you, everyone, for listening.

Absolutely.

Love you guys.

That was great.

Great.

Great job, guys.

Okay, let's wrap up the show.

Numbers

5.

1.

33.

Ah!

3.

11.

I'm chasing you memes.

What did you say, Max?

11.

Why 11?

I always do 11.

Oh.

Though Shane does 11.

No.

I've done 11 the past 30 times.

Shane is 21.

18.

Jake Marsh, very cool,

very cool, Jake.

Very cool.

All right, we'll see everyone Monday with Ryan Rossillo.

Love you guys.